Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Jim Norton | Elite Hoarder

Episode Date: February 19, 2023

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta de dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un humenaje de de mao a Madrid.
Starting point is 00:00:30 Buscas contenido gratis. ¡Au, un abici! Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o Sensación de Vivid. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlos sin pagar nunca. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Solicitate veca en fundación la caixa.org The fact that YKW did podcast YKW did back again Old school back in the day We're all starting before them all YKW did This podcast is so fun and crazy
Starting point is 00:01:32 And there's no rules Shut up, you're ruining this Burn the ball, damn it man I'm so sorry It's not a podcast This is an NPR That's what the podcast does Is there any better show?
Starting point is 00:01:43 This is the original original. I don't know what dude. Everyone can watch that. And you special co-backs. It took money. Welcome, everybody. Oh, yeah, that is my one of my number one fans. Sexy, sexy, sexy.
Starting point is 00:02:22 Her name is. Daisy. Daisy, what? Sexy sexy sexy sexy her name is Daisy Daisy what We'll put her link up she made she made all these promos for my special you know what do podcast Thank you for listening patreon.com. Sash robber Kelly you guys watching live right now I want to thank you for supporting my show and the crew here all your money goes into the show We're like we're like a community theater. Anyways, I wanna thank all you people on YouTube, make sure you subscribe, like, comment,
Starting point is 00:02:56 tell us what you think about the show and go get the Bubbie, Bubbie, kill box on luicica.com. I gotta be careful. That's addictive. luicica.com. I gotta be careful. That's addictive. LouisCK.com, it's killing it. I keep getting checks. So thanks for buying it and supporting my special. I'm sure you're probably supporting Louis
Starting point is 00:03:15 and just going, what's this shit? And then you get it, you're like, if, but that's cool, I don't care. What else? I got a great show today. I'm very excited. We're gonna get right into it. One of my oldest friends, one of the funniest guys walking, and he's here now.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Mr. Jim Norton. Who's Daisy? She's, I went into my DMs one day when my special came out and there was this beautiful young girl who left all these videos and I watched them and that was one of them. She was promoting my special for me and she has an only fans page and that's not only what she's packing. I see. Oh, beautiful girl. Beautiful young girl.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Is she? Oh, beautiful. Daisy. Daisy. Get her. Can you get her thing please? She promoted her page. And talking to the microphone, Can you promote her page?
Starting point is 00:04:06 And instead of yelling from across the room like we're in prison, that you get there's a microphone over there for you. Yeah. Go over there and produce. Um, yeah, he's going to get it. She's so sweet, nice Twitter. She's fantastic. Twitter. Twitter. Where is she from? She's, I would say, an Asian country. Oh, you don't know. She doesn't live here. I don't, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Good question. I didn't get to into it. Okay. Cause I have a wife. I know, I know. It's hard to get a watch. Yeah, it gets hard. I know.
Starting point is 00:04:37 I definitely got a watch. Trust me. Gotta be careful. Don't ask for my computer. We had some lawyer stuff. My lawyer needed old emails and certain things. She's like, like, give me your computer. I'm like, why? Yeah. Because you know, she's like, I got to look stuff up. I'm like, what? Am I right? Just don't type in PR. Yeah. Don't type in. Don't look up transmissions.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Sheridan Hotel for off limits. Yeah, don't look up women's right, nothing with she. Yep, yeah, it was. That's why you got a brows private. Dude, I came back, I didn't know about private. What is this? Private browsing, it's just, I mean, the internet company still has your,
Starting point is 00:05:21 I'm sure, but it just takes it out. So if somebody uses your computer right after, they don't see exactly what you have been typing into search engines, which are, again, they're just things that it's a little embarrassing. I wanna use the dark web. Have you ever used, I don't even know. Somebody said to me that web that we use
Starting point is 00:05:37 is like only 10% of the internet. The rest is the dark web. I've looked on an onion router before, but I don't know how to navigate it. Like it comes up with all of these, I was hoping to get like, you know how they have these, like, fucking these leaks, where they'll have like all these fucking,
Starting point is 00:05:56 like, only fans leaks to whatever, but I didn't know how to find them. It was all these lists of sites, and I just, I got boredom to leave. I have no idea how to navigate it. How do you get on it? You need an onion router. What's an onion router? That sounds perverted. That is that's like something you a Tor browser a Tor browser. Tor browser. Yeah, Tor is you have to look up how to do it because I truly am not
Starting point is 00:06:18 I'm just not good with it and I know that if you are good with it you can probably find whatever you want Could you find like sex, guns, anything? Anything, yeah. Anything. But I couldn't even find these fucking, these only fans, you know, they're like these celebrity dudes, I couldn't find any of it. Really?
Starting point is 00:06:43 I don't know how to navigate it. Wouldn't that be on Reddit? Maybe. Wouldn't that be on Reddit? Maybe. I mean, I wouldn't be on Reddit. So, do you guys, do you have, does anybody know how Danny, I got a bunch of nerds here that, do you know how to get on the dark web? No. Good.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Thanks for talking to the mic. Sorry. Fucking idiot. By the way, did you find her page? I'm looking for it. Oh my god. Why don't you just look under people who Bobby follows an Instagram? Will follows him and look up Daisy. I did the name the handle isn't daisy. Oh, it's daisy on Twitter
Starting point is 00:07:13 Yeah, you should be dumb dumb All right, here we go. I'll get it right now. She's lovely. She's very lovely and I do want to give her a plug Yes, you want her to give you one. And I do want to give her a plug. Yes. You know what I'm saying? I would love a plug from her. I can't. So why do you have a lawyer stuff going on? Are you being sued? Are you suing someone?
Starting point is 00:07:30 No, it's all good stuff. I have a lawyer stuff going on because of some project. Speaking of, speaking of my friend, we are really deep, I mean, at the final stages of comedy camp. Good. We are, I mean, very close to doing it. And I'm very excited that you're a part of it. Yeah, me too. It's going to be, it's going to be epic. Well, I hope so. I mean, you know, I mean, you understand what you're getting into, right? I think so. Yeah. You're going up in the woods. I know. I don't like the woods. I don't like the outdoors. I don't like camping, but we're not. I also don't like fucking fading into obscurity.
Starting point is 00:08:18 So if it's a project, I like, I like fading into obscurity less than I, than I like camping. So when you're rather going to mosquito bite on your asshole and shit in the woods, I like fading into obscurity less than I like camping, so it's a win. You're rather gonna mosquito bite on your asshole and shit in the woods like a bear? Yeah, that's obscurity. I've been once, I was walking with my friend, who I found out later was molested by a relative. And we were going to steal comic books
Starting point is 00:08:36 and I took a shit in the woods in my satin boxers and I had to wipe my ass with my underwear and as I was shitting the yellow jacket's flying in between my legs. I was shitting by a yellow jacket nest. A ground one? Yeah, yeah. That's good. You probably, your shit probably like, like a tranquilizer.
Starting point is 00:08:54 Oh, I'm so happy that you're... Tranquilizer. Oh my God. It's an easy word to say. Tranquilizer. Tranquilizer. Say it fast, you got it. Tranquilizer.
Starting point is 00:09:03 There you go. Say it slow. Tranqu tranquilizer. Wow. Yeah fuck tranquilizer I did versus podcast last week and I Bo I know cross me I Had Alexander Gustafsons a light-hitting with fighter and we were talking about UFC and I couldn't get his name like I mean I was picturing his first fight with Jones the second fight fight with Jones, and I said, it was a Gunderson, like I knew was wrong. I just, I had a mental block,
Starting point is 00:09:28 and then someone said, gust of sin. I'm like, oh yeah, gust, gusts, I just couldn't say it. Dude, you see that fucking California, the rotation without that newscaster has that weird thing where she just can't talk. It looks like she's having a stroke. No, what is this? It's called a rotation,
Starting point is 00:09:43 because she said something about a rotation. Like, and she has this weird on air thing where her words just don't come out as words. Right. And it felt like that, not that extreme, but I'm like, I could see it in front of me and I couldn't mouth those words. That word, it happened to me a lot lately.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Yeah, it's getting old. Does this him? I know it was, it was a... Branson is live at the state center. Oh, yeah. And backstage coverage, we're seen for the very first time so Well a very very heavy heavy do it Vertation tonight. We had a very darest dareson
Starting point is 00:10:15 But let's go ahead terrorist chosen those for the bit to have the pet See that was just a and she's okay. I don't know what it was I Want to do that. I want wanna talk like that all the time. I wanna fuck a woman so well she does that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Little driplets. Little driplets. Little driplets? Yeah, dude. And that happens to me quite a bit now. I can't remember things and I can't say words. It's getting old, yeah. And we're getting old. Yeah, we are getting old.
Starting point is 00:10:53 It sucks. I mean, again, it beats being dead, but not by a lot. Getting old blows. Yeah, getting old blows. Yeah. And there's nothing we can do about it. Not while there is, but I mean, it would just stop the process. I mean, that's suicide. Jared Kushner said something, which was kind of depressing. He said, but he could,
Starting point is 00:11:18 he's younger. He's married to Ivana Ivana Ivanka Ivanka. Trump. Yeah. Okay. Ivanka is the daughter, right? Ivanka Ivanka is the wife Ivanka is the daughter is the daughter is the daughter is the daughter is the wife Ivanka and he's I guess he's like 38 maybe and he said his generation is either going to be the last generation to die or the first ones to live forever. Like that's how close we are to figuring it out and I know we're going to miss it that fucking sucks. I don't think what we're not going to miss it. I think it's I think listen know we're gonna miss it. That fucking sucks. I don't think, well, we're not gonna miss it. I think it's, I think, listen, we're far
Starting point is 00:11:47 away from living forever. Maybe, but we're still, the oldest person alive is still like 120 something. 1117. Yeah. Yeah. It's not, we're not even close to living forever. No, no, no, no. That's some shit they say just because it sounds fucking great. They said the same shit about flying cars back in the 60s. You know, at some time we're gonna, and you can't. You're not gonna fly a car. You know why? Because we're asshole.
Starting point is 00:12:12 Max's generation will live to be 150 years old. My son, Max. Yeah. We'll be lived, not the way he's eaten. Well, maybe not. The fucking candy he had this morning for Valentine's Day. He was so funny. He went and got a Valentine's Day card for a girl in school,
Starting point is 00:12:28 but it was a passionate one. And he didn't read it. He just got it and put it in envelope. To almost like, Bobby, you can't let him go. I go, why? It's because you have to open that. You got to know, I open it up. It's like, my love for you has been dying. Ever since I met met you the years we've been together He met the bitch six months ago. He's a great. Did he read it or he just like the picture on it? Yeah I can took it lift it and then he got me and mom me me and his mom a sexy one too We open it up. It's like I've loved you since the day man. I'm like, what are you doing you? He just sees a heart That's all he's it's going on you fracking weirdo. There she is right there T.S. Daisy
Starting point is 00:13:07 Lady oh way. Oh come on now. Wow. What is she doing? No, that's all he's. It's going on, you fracka weirdo, there she is right there. T.S. Daisy, lady, oh, wait, oh, come on now. Wow, what is she doing? No, she's not doing it. Get show that, we're gonna get booted. I'm not showing it. Well, you're not showing, you're just, can you just kinda show, you're not showing it on the internet? No.
Starting point is 00:13:17 Oh, we on the internet now? We're on the internet, but we whipped that out. Where are we live? Where live? Oh, so you can't cut that and then put it up. Oh, they could. It's not on the screen. It's not on the screen. Oh, okay. Go down. Oh, so you can't cut that and then put it up. They could. It's not on the screen. It's not on the screen.
Starting point is 00:13:27 Oh, okay. Go down. Oh, there you go. I want a delightful woman. Let's go. What a transition to you, Skumbag. How are you producing? I'm talking about my son and a cute story.
Starting point is 00:13:38 And you whip a comfete on the, on the, on the, there's literally comfete. Yeah. There's a girl with com on her feet, like flip flops. Isn't a great come feet is such a self-explanatory thing. There's really no, you don't need any follow-up. I was looking at a picture of come feet. Got it. I know exactly what you were looking at.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Yeah, but how am I gonna go back to, this guy looks like he's got an old crispy cream donut around the helmet of his cock. That's a really small dick. That, no. Come on now, that's a fine penis. Oh, you can, come on now. How many penis have you seen?
Starting point is 00:14:11 I mean, I share dumb question. Yeah, dumb question. There you go. Yeah, we'll never get back in. She's a fan. Max's little story. No, God bless. I didn't want to talk about my mother,
Starting point is 00:14:21 a card for a stepmother. I didn't know what it was. I didn't just misread it. I gave one and it said, to the best stepmother, she cried. I made my mother cry with a shit card. I'm gonna, you know what I'm gonna give Dawn today? I'm gonna give her a cum feet. Why not?
Starting point is 00:14:37 I'm gonna go back while she's in the house cooking dinner. Yeah. I'm gonna give her a nice cum foot. Orc want on her fucking foot and flip-flops. Right there. Man. Yeah, make that meat loaf. Do you ever foot. Walk one on her fucking foot and flip-flops. Right there. Yeah. Yeah, make that meat loaf. Give her a lick your own, come off someone's feet.
Starting point is 00:14:48 Nope, never have. Oh, what? Never have. What are you fucking? Hey, welcome. Hey, go to my sponsor right now. Ghostbed. What's Ghostbed?
Starting point is 00:14:56 It's a sponsor in my podcast. No, I understand that. That's what it is. It's a really amazing technology they created where your bed, the mattress is cool and warm. So you don't ever get too hot or too cold. Can you adjust it? They actually, this is the great part.
Starting point is 00:15:11 They have frames that you can buy that aren't crazy expensive, that you can adjust. You can get two of them, one of them. So you can sleep up, if you're snoring, you can adjust it to what you want. Yeah, it's a great company and sponsor of the YKWD. I am currently looking for a new bed because
Starting point is 00:15:29 I've had mine for 20 years by mattress. It's got, it's an amazing pillow top. Yeah, there's blood stains, there's just... There's a lot of DNA. There's mustard, there's all kinds of stains. Pistanes. Oh God, we should, we should go get your mattress and we should have people pick the stains
Starting point is 00:15:44 and whoever comes the closest wins a hundred bucks. I think I tweeted a photo of it. Really? I have pictures of the stain. They're embarrassing. I'm looking, I'm going to give a bed custom made because I need to raise my head when I sleep because I can't breathe and my girlfriend sleeps.
Starting point is 00:15:59 It's like the fucking Nazi invasion of Poland. It's like, I just, there's a knee in my back, and I'm like, I have to literally shove her. So I want a wider bed, but I can't get one longer. So I'm gonna try to get a Texas king, which is like 22 inches wider than my now, and I want one that raises. I have to have it custom-made. I, uh, I have a big king.
Starting point is 00:16:21 I have an extra, I think it's a California king. Those are not as wide. They're longer California kings are I want to say 72 hang on cut that I have a Texas king. It's a wider Yes, I just didn't what I didn't want you to disagree with me. Oh on my podcast. Oh I have a Texas king Texas King. Yeah, it's wider. A regular king is I think 76 by 80. A California king is 72 wide by 84 long. And a Texas king is like 96 wide by 80. That's the one I got.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Yeah. I got the 96 wide. We call it a 96 wider. Why don't you get a Wyoming king? Uh, well, I actually. There's Texas. There's Wyoming. There's the Alaskan king. Oh, the Alaskan ones are good ones. 108 by 108. Oh, dude, that's the big one. Big fucking bed. You ever get the Russian king? What's that?
Starting point is 00:17:18 Oh, dude, it's his ball guy with a pot belly with billions of dollars. His suck is dick. Nope. And suck is dick. Woo. Nope. And I know it. Yeah. I did. There's no improv between us. No, I just, it's fun sometimes to watch someone just walking towards the edge of a cliff
Starting point is 00:17:36 and go, God. Hey, Russian King. What's, yeah, there's no, no comedy fighter there at all. What's better than watching your friend? I remember we were doing the first. It was better joining him. That is true. And having fun.
Starting point is 00:17:49 Watching one time we were doing the Colin Quinn show was like, this was the NBC, they would go out live. And three episodes. I did the final two. And we would do the, it became Tough Crowd match. It was like the, it was the town square they called it. Most people don't know that. Everybody knows Tough Crowd,
Starting point is 00:18:03 but the first with tough crowd original first iteration was with Michael with a Lauren Michaels. Yeah on NBC Yep live Monday night's 9 30 live and it was Yeah, town square was it was a pretty interesting show It was almost what Louis was the the Louis show on HBO was before the Louis show Well, this was just you would go on HBO was before the Louis show. Well, this was just, you would go, you would do bits. The first one we did was like Joey Vega, mean that DiPolo Patrice, Gerardo, and you do it,
Starting point is 00:18:35 and you would, you would kind of segue a bit into talking about something, it's like a minute, but we all know what we were doing. And you're sitting on these steps, and I remember Patrice, and this is on live NBC, is starting to do his. And I'm like, he fucking forgot. And I'm watching this guy, like just trying to find himself. And I was so happy watching him on live television forget his joke. That's what it's like watching your friend walk off a cliff. I mean, I knew he was funny. I didn't care. I was watching your friend fucking. He salvaged it. He pulled it together.
Starting point is 00:19:10 He's allowed mouth from Boston. Yeah, but I knew I knew because we rehearsed. Right. So I knew he forgot his place. Right. And it was just amazing to watch someone lose their place on live TV. I was so happy. The fact that they put that group of people live on television is NBC too. Mistake they'll never make again. No, they didn't. Never make again. They didn't.
Starting point is 00:19:29 I did three episodes. Who is there? The guy that actually eventually said no to it. And it got huge laughs. I remember you were in one of those. There was a bit Colin did about people who are like, are like self-centered or whatever, or annoying like the guy who hugs too much at the office,
Starting point is 00:19:45 which was Rich Fan Chazee, and you were like the guy who is, expects you to be excited for things that he's doing, and you walk by, you're the guy in the office, and you walk by, and you're high five, and you go, I got that new Jetsky, and you high five a guy. I don't remember this.
Starting point is 00:19:59 Yeah, like he's supposed to be excited that you got your fucking Jetsky. I don't remember the one. It was great. It was really funny, yeah. Yeah. Tough crowd was great, though. It fucking jet ski. I don't think it was really funny. Yeah, tough crowd was great though. It was, yeah. What an easy gig that was. It was and I never, I just recently found DVDs of all my tough crowd appearances.
Starting point is 00:20:16 I guess I'd archive them all back then. Do you know why? Why? Because you're a crazy person. I am a little bit, but I'm glad I have those. This is why I know you're crazy. And I don't mean it like bad, we're all crazy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:27 We all have our thing. Crazy like a fox, ladies and gentlemen. What does the fox say? Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Maybe shark, shark, shark, shark, how's it going? I don't know. Nice talking to you. You look like a baby shark. Yeah, you do. You do. I mean, you do. We just do this back of work all day. Oh, fucking day. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:52 If we just sat in for three hours, you do. I don't want to. You're improvs because I'm not enjoying that. That's terrible. I'm not enjoying that. You really just shut it down. I do, I don't know. I kind of like it though.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Sure. Dictive, I want to keep doing it. You can't not do it. You really just shut it down. I do, I don't know. I kind of like it though. It's addictive. I want to keep doing it. You can't not do it. What was I talking about? Daisy, no, you're thinking about that. No, you were talking about come feet. Oh, tough crowd. No, but I had something else after that.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Colin Quinn. No. Quinty. No. Shit. Putting us on live television. No. How much fun the show was.
Starting point is 00:21:28 It was. That was what you were saying. No, it was something else. Anyways, the tough crowd thing was fun. But this is the, you're doing a crazy person. Oh, the crazy person. Because I archived all my tough crowd. Oh, you have the crazy person.
Starting point is 00:21:42 That's it. Because this is, I want to tell the story. We went to UFC 100, which is one of the biggest UFC events ever. They had the fan interaction of the big, I think it was the second one, but it was the biggest one. It was at MGM. I mean, it was massive and we got so VIP backstage passes everywhere.
Starting point is 00:22:07 I mean, it was crazy. And we're backstage and you were getting autographs or something like that. And then all of a sudden, you saw somebody with a glove. Yep. And I saw your eyes. You lit up and you go, I get gloves. I'm a sign of glove. And and I saw your eyes you lit up and you go, uh, I get gloves. I'm a sign of glove. And you went and bought 30 pairs of gloves. Yeah. You bought 30 pairs of the UFC gloves. Yep. And you had them in a duffel bag. You had them somebody buy a duffel bag. And then you, I think it was Sam had to go buy that. Was he was either Sam was not Sam. We know now Sam was still kind of an intern Yeah, I'm not kind of 100% and He
Starting point is 00:22:52 Went got this double bag gloves and you had all the fighters sign gloves you went up to every fighter You didn't even care who you didn't know who some of them were back then no you didn't know any of you will like who's that guy I was like that guys the champ. Yeah, who's that guy? I was like, that guy's the champ. Who's that guy? He's gonna be the, that was shit. And you had them all sign it. And you're annoying. And you had this bag full of signed UFC gloves
Starting point is 00:23:14 from some of the greatest fighters of all time. I still have them, I don't know where. They're my house. Doing what? Well, the one I have displayed, I have a nice one displayed from 2011, John Jones signed to me, but I want to get them to me I have really great shit signed, but what do you do? You have so much stuff. You know what you don't have Yeah, photos of your friends. I do. I actually got a nice photo of you, which I had signed for you
Starting point is 00:23:38 Did I ever give you the good John Jones sign photo? No, but see that I have a John Jones sign photo for you. I got you right. A favor, a photo of you and you're right. Together. Never give it to me. I'll give them to you this week. You said that to me. I forget. You said that to me.
Starting point is 00:23:53 I forget. You said that to me. Yeah. For 10 years. Oh, I do have them. It's 10 years. You and Johnny Bones. It's 10 years.
Starting point is 00:24:01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said it to me. I'm trying to give you reason to stop over. I tried. I, you can't just go over your house. You have security. Yeah. You have to ask me. Yeah, I'd love said it. I'm trying to give you reason to stop over. I've tried. I you can't just go over your house. You have security. Yeah, you have to ask me. Yeah, I'd love you to come over. When, whenever you want.
Starting point is 00:24:10 The house is done now. It's done. I'm gonna come over today. Okay. You can. What time? Oh, well, was that 830 tonight? Okay, yeah, nine o'clock.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Getting a little late there, but I don't do anything late on weeknights. Yeah. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. Anyway, so more. You have all these gloves. You have.
Starting point is 00:24:30 You have. Fade or? Why don't you have, what are you going to do with it? Because you know why? I always think like I'll have a house someday. I have a boxing glove signed by, I got an Oli glove. I got, I got on the sign it. I got fucking Frazier.
Starting point is 00:24:44 I got, um, it's a signature. I got fucking Frazier. I got, um. I'm gonna tell it's a signature. It's a tiny one. Ollie's is very small. It's gotta be. He was, he was, he was very sick by that. Mm-hmm. No, no, it's very, very legible, but teeny.
Starting point is 00:24:54 It's like, he just signed it all frail. And I got Jake Lamatta. I got Tyson, a fucking Oscar to LaHoye of May, with all of them. What are you going to do with them? I don't know, I always thought I would do something with them. I know I'll never sell them. They were never for profit.
Starting point is 00:25:10 So you're gonna die. Hopefully. You're gonna die someday, Norton. Yeah. And you're gonna have the most incredible memorabilia in some storage unit somewhere. They're just gonna, they're gonna, click it on, oh, I'm gonna see if it happens.
Starting point is 00:25:25 I'm gonna have to land. Maybe, yeah. Some fat fuck with a receding hairline is gonna go in and go wait a minute. There's a whole bunch of, this is, oh my, and have all this shit. Well, I don't know what to do with them. I don't have enough room to display all of them.
Starting point is 00:25:38 I know, yeah. What? Give them to me. Most of them are signed to me. Doesn't matter. Leave them to me and you will. You don't want a two gym, two gym from Sugar Ray Leonard. The fuck you want that for?
Starting point is 00:25:50 100%. It's a famous person and then a kind of famous person. Let's hope it was the first person. Oh, sorry. I was hoping it was a famous person and icon. But you're right, it's a famous person. And it was famous to 2007 person. I'm saying, I'm saying, I would love to,
Starting point is 00:26:08 you can't just let those go into the wind. No, they're not, I have them all in like, you're gonna give them to your nephew? I don't know if you'd want, I will find a way to display them. Like I have, I have basketballs. No, listen, sign to me. Abdul Jibar.
Starting point is 00:26:23 You're gonna, you have something. You have something signed to you. Abdul Jibar. You're gonna, you have something, you have something signed to you that you've never touched. No, I have, I have, I put them in glass cases. Why do you get condoms signed? Why do you get something you're familiar with? Um, I'm not familiar. I thought, what I did, I have a bunch of unopened, you know, they're good until, you know, 2002. Yeah. Why? I don't know, you got all this stuff and it's going to go. It's hoarding, but I don't do it anymore. I'll take pictures with guys like, you know, I mean, everybody, you know, for UFC, but
Starting point is 00:26:53 I don't get shit signed anymore. Not photos, nothing. It's elite hoarding, but it wasn't to be. It was just because like, that's a good show. It's being a pitch that show elite hoarding elite hoarding. A leak because you know the show hoarding. It's just, you know, tuna cans and fuck catch it and newspapers, right? We do a lead hoarding, which is collecting.
Starting point is 00:27:12 What's the difference in collecting and elite hoarding? Fucking this much. You are not a collector. You are an elite hoarding. That's probably correct because I don't have, I don't know. I don't know what the difference is. I'll tell you a collector will know the difference between difference is. I'll tell you, a collector will know the difference between a fake Ali signature and a real one.
Starting point is 00:27:29 No, no, I would too, because I would get, I would get the signature myself. Yeah, but you couldn't look at another signature and be like, oh, that's real. No, I know. These guys know that his loop, his eye does this and he makes a heart on the dot. Yeah, well, lead hoarding, that's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Let's pitch that. Let's pitch that. Me and you, we start the first episode with you. And then we go over to like, uh, but I'm not interesting enough for a whole episode. Like you get guys like to get better self-esteem, man. No, no, no, no, meaning I don't have enough stuff. Like elite hoarding. Like you know who's in a lead hoarder or collect your Kirk Hammett from Metallica has all this horror movie shit. Bruce Buffer, uh, lead hoarder of, of, of, of, of, really amazing movie posters. And we get them and we get them to give stuff away and we sell it and we give it to their charity.
Starting point is 00:28:14 I don't know if they give stuff away. We just show it as a show. No, fuck it. You got to get rid of it. You're keeping it. You got to give some stuff. That's, see, that's going to make it hard. I had a great idea. Oh, we get a te va a hacer es muy bien. Yo tengo un gran idea. O, o, o, o, o, tenemos un museo, algo, y tú no es el museo, donde tú lo hablas, pero vamos a tener un desplazo
Starting point is 00:28:31 en Vegas en el luchador de la exposición. Tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno.
Starting point is 00:28:42 Esta es la tres por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar en el tres por uno en medianas, a domicilio, solo pidiendo el line. Transporuno, transporuno. This is the transporuno signal, which means you can already take advantage of the transporuno in half to the middle, just asking online. Separate? Transporuno, transporuno. Ah, no, no, no. Dominos!
Starting point is 00:28:54 Pizza. I, uh, yeah, I mean, I went to, you know who's got one, a Guero del Toro, or del Toro, my high-school name. He's got a whole house full of shit. I mean, the amount of stuff that you have, if you sold it all, if you just put it out there and sold it all, got rid of it, you wouldn't miss it.
Starting point is 00:29:13 Now, you know who's got good stuff, and I saw when I was in LA at this motion picture museum, Spike Lee, put his collection on display. He has old movie posters. He had like an old on the waterfront, giant brando poster, like stuff like that, I'd be, but I'd rather see that stuff in people's houses. Like I would rather as a TV crew go in,
Starting point is 00:29:35 and people love talking about their shit. Right. Like Spike gets stuff signed to him. He's got like all this stuff from Al Pacino to him. So, so what's spitball? What we're creative thinking right now. So what we do is we find a way to present the stuff in the person's house so they can actually use it and see it.
Starting point is 00:29:53 And whatever they don't use, they can donate. They're not gonna wanna get rid of any of it. This is the, this is the hoarder in you. That's art, no, no, no, but that's also the hoarder in them. And you're not gonna get people who are gonna to get rid of something that they like. Because some of them are not like it would love to get rid of dawn.
Starting point is 00:30:12 You want to say the thing like I do like I understand about it. Yeah, fucking this morning was a rough one. Why? There's Valentine's day. So it's that's nice. Yeah, I know, but she wanted to have Maxi and Candy. Yeah, we told him not to know She told him not to
Starting point is 00:30:28 Not a lot. We're not the one you fight about. Well, we're fighting about the fact The smore and go go up max had the inappropriate card yesterday. Sure. He was like I was like, let's make one Let's make a card. He's like I I want to get one I was like, let's make one. Let's make a card. He's like, I want to get one. I was like, whatever. And then just a lot of stuff. And she has, she's pre-menopause. She's got a little twatty.
Starting point is 00:30:55 She walks around like a detective in 1978 in New York City. I mean, did you talk to Gary? What? Margot Cervico. Yeah, just, you know, her tone. Did you get the card? All right, relax. Max, you know what I mean, chill, whatever, you know,
Starting point is 00:31:15 she's, but whatever, the swan she was a little rough and I had to go to CVS in the morning. And then, I mean, the guy at the CVS was nuts too. He was dressed like he was in the Taliban. Like literally, you say with that accent, what Taliban? No, it's Taliban. It's not like we use a Pakistan too, because you want to sound educated. I want to sound like a burr barco bon of the Taliban Taliban Taliban.
Starting point is 00:31:37 It's a Taliban Taliban. Do you hear that noise? Yeah, it's my fucking brain. It's a Taliban sending us a message going to die. Yeah, you're saying I just just boom. That'd be great. Oh, facts. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:31:52 Great. Oh, we got questions for you for later in the show. Oh, good. Oh, look at this. What does this say? This is from... Oh, Keith Robinson sent me a message. It says, if you don't get my money and then he sent me a link,
Starting point is 00:32:06 oh, that's good. It's a man shot around 57 times in a gutter with blood coming out of his skull. What do you all money for in the Super Bowl? I bet him on the Super Bowl. Super Bowl part of you missed. I didn't go on purpose. I am back on my diet.
Starting point is 00:32:20 I was off it for a while and I'm back on it. And I've been so bad that anywhere that there's going to be good food I'm avoiding for a month or two. I can't do it. I'm about I'm fucking Binging I'm just like no, I'm not gonna fucking put the way back. I tell you I've been I've been binging a little bit too I've been binging a little bit too. I was on the road and I was with comic now that I can have anything I can eat anything. I still can't eat a lot. lot, but I can eat a little more than I could. And now I've been, I was bingeing a little bit on the road
Starting point is 00:32:50 with these peanut butter pretzels. Oh, come on. Fucking best. It's the best snack out there. Is there a better snack? No. Salty and sweet. You can do it with milk or soda or water.
Starting point is 00:33:04 I like pretzels and mustard, but I do like a nice peanut butter pretzel or soda or water. I like pretzels and mustard. Yeah, but I do like a nice peanut butter pretzel. Pretzels and mustard. Yeah, that's what I think of me. Pretzels and mustard when I think of you. Well, my, my, my album is should be called. They always forget the mustard, you know, because they do when you order it in a right, I order it without no matter what food I get, I order mustard with it. Yeah, because you, you know why? Because they're stupid. No, because restaurants don't have mustard. Yes they do. Now hot dog places have mustard.
Starting point is 00:33:27 They all have mustard. Nobody had, not even McDonald's stopped serving mustard. I've never had a restaurant say we don't carry that, sir. They're always like, yeah, we'll bring it. And the room service always forgets it, those fucks. And then I have to send them back down because my eggs are gonna get cold. You put mustard on eggs.
Starting point is 00:33:41 You bet I do. You are such a little mustard. I am a little mustard. You are. a little mustard. I am a little mustard. You are. I love mustard. If you are a condiment, you'd be mustard. I love mustard. Mustard.
Starting point is 00:33:51 Look at it. I like it. It's not popular. It is popular. It's the least popular condiment. It's 100% the least popular condiment. I can't finish this discussion. Reminds me too much of a derosa show.
Starting point is 00:34:02 I like that fucking mustard. Yeah, we can't steal the roza show. I want to get the fucking mustard down. Yeah, we can't steal the roses show. Yeah, we're not stealing a show. It's just a fact. Mustard is the fifth. I would put catch up mayonnaise number one. What? mayonnaise is okay.
Starting point is 00:34:20 I haven't had it in years. Looks like you eat it all the time. I've had some on my chin. Yeah, you got on your feet. I got it. You have the same consistency of mustard. A mayonnaise. You look at the blob of mayonnaise.
Starting point is 00:34:32 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I hope you choke. Yeah, me too. Yeah, dude, there it is right there. Conimates number one. Number one is ketchup. I'll go with that. Number two is not mustard.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Shit. This is, that's an American horse shit. Sure it is. Hot sauce number three, because of the Mexicans, right? Yeah. Man is number four. And salsa number five.
Starting point is 00:34:56 Again, the Spanish people are jumping in on it. They like a good spicy treat. Spanish people have a nice condiment selection. Yeah, but mustard is disgusting. My neighbor, Peter Finnerty, lived next to me, when I lived at my grandmother's house, Peter Finnerty, they had a, you know, back then Irish Catholic, everybody had like eight people in the house.
Starting point is 00:35:17 They had the Robinson's had a few. I had a neighbor Kevin Finnerty. Yeah, we had Peter Finner, the big family next to us, a lot of kids. Kevin Fendry. We had, he would put mustard on everything. Really? Who Kevin Fendry? Oh, not Kevin Fendry.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Peter Fendry. Pancakes, mustard. Not stupid. He would come outside with premium crackers with mustard. I get that. Back when you, they didn't have the squeeze thing. You had to have a fucking butter knife
Starting point is 00:35:44 and the thing and smear it. That's nice. That's disgusting. No, it's not. It's good. You saying crackers are mustard? I love it. You're, I prefer a little treat between them,
Starting point is 00:35:53 little piece of cheese or something, but I mean, I would eat that. Cheese mustard and a cracker. Oh, come on. And that'd be clear. My throat, damn. Ugh.
Starting point is 00:36:02 My fucking stupid throat clearing. Disgusting. I can't eat lactose. throat clearing disgusting. I can't eat lactose. It's just what what I can't eat milk or cheese or that shit. Why? Cause it fucked my throat up and it makes me and my farts are like monstrous. Yeah, bad for I have bad fights
Starting point is 00:36:18 with the protein I'm drinking now. Monstrous. Horrible fights. So wait, you're eating more on the road. You gotta be careful man. No, it is, it sneaks up on you. Sneaks up on you. That's right.
Starting point is 00:36:27 I can feel it now, though. I feel swelled up. Like, late at night, I feel like swelled. And my watch will fit differently. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, my body reacts with it. Are you doing anything like working out?
Starting point is 00:36:39 No, but I mean like a sock and dick. To the, I mean, you're working out. But Garren, trust me, you can still get fat spots. I go to Gasebots. You can still fatten up. I'm sorry. That's the, I mean, you're gonna. But Garren trust me, you can still get fat spots. I go to Gaze Mod. You can still fatten up. I'm sorry, that's the way they want like me. If you know what I mean, for the addiction of food, you're doing anything for the addiction of food.
Starting point is 00:36:52 Yeah, I'm, I mean, I go to meetings. I, you know, I do a lot of meditation. The one thing that works the best is going to the gym and lifting weights. Lifting weights for me is the best thing I've done. Dumbbells lifting weights for a half hour and then a walk for a mile. And I feel great, but the sauna, too. The sauna is killing it for me.
Starting point is 00:37:15 I have one in my house. And the best thing I've ever got. You like it, too. Does it smell after a while being in the sauna, it's going to sting? No, not at all. It's infrared. It's not that steep shit with the rocks. It's infrared, which is better for you than anything.
Starting point is 00:37:29 I go in there, I sit in a, for around a half hour, maybe 35 minutes at 150, but I sealed everything better. I saw this video on the internet where you can seal it and make it like 160. I got it up around 20 degrees in there, and sweat, unbelievable. Best, best thing. And now you just buy them, put them in your house, it takes five seconds to put up and plug it right in the wall. I debated if it wasn't so windy on my terrace because of where
Starting point is 00:37:56 we are, there's just so much fucking wind. Anything blows over. I could never have had anything that stands above the concrete like you can't put it outside. You put it in your room. No, but there were some for outside. Why don't you get a fucking house? Cause I like where I live. I like being in the city. Why?
Starting point is 00:38:12 I just do. I mean, I like being in the city. I have a nice view. I love where I live. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, you never around, you never hang out, you come and you do your spot, you go home, you do your show, you go home. You're like, not that I worry about you, not that I,
Starting point is 00:38:35 but I do care, like I wonder, like, I mean, and I know you, you know, you got a girlfriend and, you know, all that, I get that, I have a wife and a kid, and I love being home with them too. But like, I wonder, I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Like, I don't even know what you do. Do you guys go out a lot?
Starting point is 00:38:51 Do you just stay in the apartment all the time? What the fuck do you do? Do you know what you used to do? I go to work Monday through Thursday. I'm up at 7 a.m. I go to work, go to the gym Monday, Tuesday, right after after work typically right there Come home on Mondays do UFC podcast until the afternoon and then I walk to the seller do two spots and walk home
Starting point is 00:39:14 Every night I walked out of the comedy seller do two spots in walk home six nights a week UFC podcast twice a week chip once a week and gigs. I mean I'm busy every day always doing stuff So on weekends are you touring? No, I gigs. I mean, I'm busy every day, always doing stuff. So on weekends, are you touring? No, I don't see you around. I have not been motivated. I've been here every weekend at the seller. Every weekend doing two spots a night, working on material and I'm really happy with the material.
Starting point is 00:39:37 But I just don't know what I want to do with it yet. I haven't been motivated, but it's not for bad reasons. It's for really good reasons. Like life is really good. I'm happy now that I've't been motivated, but it's not for bad reasons. It's for really good reasons. Life is really good. I'm happy now that I've ever been. I have less, I'm kind of happy at home. So I'm enjoying this. Don't forget, this is the first time in my life.
Starting point is 00:39:54 I've ever taken time off and I'm still doing six nights a week of sets. And work, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I haven't stopped at all, but it's just kind of nice going home and just Being happy at home. You're enjoying the fruit to your labor. Yeah, yeah, I but I I also enjoying it You're enjoying it like a fruit. Yeah, exactly
Starting point is 00:40:15 I have gigs March 4th Paramount Theater almost sold out come see me there if you wish did you get a brick? I haven't sold it out yet, but I'm sure I will that's awesome. I have gotten bricks there But anyway, so I'm doing gigs. I'm. That's awesome. I have gotten bricks there. But anyway, so I'm doing gigs, and I'm happy with the gigs I'm doing. That leads me to my next question. That makes me happy. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:31 I want to, like, I gotta go. I gotta, every time I see it, the seller, I gotta go. You gotta go. You know why? Because I like to walk home. I like to think a nice walk home. I get my steps in. It feels healthy to walk.
Starting point is 00:40:43 And I also get home and, you know, I kinda unwind and I have to go to bed. my steps in, it feels healthy to walk, and I also get home and I kinda unwind and I have to go to bed. I can't be up all night anymore, it drives me crazy. And well, this leads me to my next question. What, when are we gonna see a special out of you? And have you thought of it? Have you thought of who you want to do it, where you want it to go?
Starting point is 00:41:03 Are you gonna produce it yourself? Where it's gonna be? I've thought of it like- What was the, where you want it to go, are you going to produce it yourself, where it's going to be? I've thought of it. What was the last pressure you did before you answer that question? Twenty was 2017, mouth full of shame, but I shot something 2019, I shot the degenerates with you, right, season two of Netflix, and then we went into the pandemic not long after that. So I mean, it's been three years since I shot something.
Starting point is 00:41:26 I mean, it was August, but that's the end of it. That's what you shot your own thing. My own one hour, yeah. But again, I can put an hour up anytime, but like, what do I want to, no, I'm not on YouTube, like my YouTube sucks. So I'm like, where would I put it? Colin told me I ought to do,
Starting point is 00:41:42 because he saw, like I have a big hunk on the Royal Family. He's like, you'll do a special but the Royal Family, like a 20 minute special about the fucking Queen's death and the Royal Family, because the material is good. Yeah. And I have a decent amount of material
Starting point is 00:41:57 on this subject or on that. A UFO, I have a huge hunk on UFOs. I thought I'd do it like a UFO special for 20 minutes down at the fat black. I wouldn't even make money off of it, but I just want to just get rid of the material. Can I, can I direct one of them?
Starting point is 00:42:16 Let me direct one. Why? Cause I want a direct one. Have you ever directed a special? Yes, I have. Which one? A directed comfort. Uh, it was my first. We'll see. Which is a huge, why one? I directed Comfort.
Starting point is 00:42:27 It was my first. We'll see, which is, why? Let me direct it. Because you're bossy. You're very bossy. Yeah, directors are supposed to know how I know, but directors are supposed to be bossy. No, but you would do that thing when I'd be like, no, I want to do this.
Starting point is 00:42:39 No, I'm telling you the lines. I wouldn't be bossy. It's what I try it right now. Try it. I want to open with that. I don't want to, I don't think that belongs second. I should know what.y. Yes you would. Do I try it right now? Do I try it? I want to open with that. I don't want to, I don't think that belongs second. I should open with it. That's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:42:49 I like that idea a lot. Cool. Can I present you with a side idea just to see if you want it? Who are you portraying, by the way, this is not Robert Kelly. So who are you pretending to be right now? I'm not, I'm trying. This is not the guy I know.
Starting point is 00:43:00 Here's, but I'm, but I've changed. We haven't hung out in a long time. Right. You don't think I've changed. I mean, no, you don't. I don't, I like the way you were. So I'm okay with that. You like me?
Starting point is 00:43:12 Yeah, I like you. I don't. Yeah, I don't, dude. I, let me tell you something. Before the pandemic, I found out I was a dry drunk. Yeah, I'm for years. I mean, bad. And I had no clue.
Starting point is 00:43:25 I remember when everything fell out and I had a bottom because the thing that I held so precious, the thing that I held higher than anything work, money, fame was gone. I just worked so hard on this comedy tour, Cruiser Kids, successful, selling out, touring with my friends, which was a thing
Starting point is 00:43:50 that I created that I wanted to do. And then all of a sudden, agent manager gigs gone, everything gone. Do you fire everybody? No, we were falling out here. Somebody out, you know, wasn't booking over here. I went from being on FX show, being on Louis, and then having a tour and a podcast and all this shit. And then it all being gone kind of in the same time frame. Right. And then being, and then having a kid and a wife and
Starting point is 00:44:20 well, and then I realized, wow, I'm, I don't have, I'm a dry drunk. I had everything, I have everything before the stuff that was important. The only thing that matters is the people I love and, you know, having a roof over your head, having food to eat and then being together is what matters. I love these people. I love being with them. I have great people in my life. And then how do I keep that? Oh, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I never did the things
Starting point is 00:44:52 I was supposed to do. I didn't go to meetings. I didn't do all the steps, all that stuff. I didn't do in meditation. I didn't do any of the stuff we're supposed to do. So when I went back, it was like being a newcomer again. And I still go to the same meetings every week. Don't miss them. I was there today. I mean, I don't miss them. The meetings got big, gotten small, but I'm there. And I appreciate them because I was losing my brain.
Starting point is 00:45:18 And look, I'm still fucking crazy. And they still have all the stuff. But I was in fear, constant fear and anxiety, and I didn't know I had anxiety. I would hear people say, oh, I'm anxiety, I take pills, I do this, I was like, I don't have that, I had it, but my anxiety comes out in fucking rage. My anxiety comes out in anger,
Starting point is 00:45:40 is that's when I was a kid, I was just, I thought I was gonna die all the time. I literally remember thinking every day somebody was gonna kill me. In school, other kids, my stepfather, anything. I just couldn't see making it to the end of the day. And the stress would build up so much that one day I came out in violence or anger
Starting point is 00:45:59 and it scared people. And I was like, oh, this is- Oh yeah, this works. It works. This works. And I was like, oh, this is... Oh, yeah, this works. It works. This works. And not until that happened, I was like, oh, shit, this, I've been using this as, I have anxiety. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, battle. You can be like, oh, like now, you know, Dawn said something the other day and this and that,
Starting point is 00:46:29 and she does her passive aggressive thing, and I get, and the passive aggressive just, because it fucks me, I'm like, what the fuck? And I'm like, ah, and I'm like, ah, I'm doing it. I got it. I'm sorry, I fucking, I'm doing that thing I do. But it still takes time. Dude, it. I'm sorry. I fucking I'm doing that thing I do. But it still takes time. Dude, it's so hard. Like my girlfriend will fight and she'll say, say you're sorry. Say you're sorry.
Starting point is 00:46:53 And it's like, I want the fight to keep going. So the dict and then I'll be like, I'm sorry. And it does really go away. It's your go. I'm sorry too. And that's the end of it. Like she likes to cut a fight. And I realize how much I love the feeling of being fucking angry and just going. And like, last night we snipped at each other and she was, we're kind of snipping at each other. And then it just kind of faded away. Like, they don't go to nine anymore. My fight used to be horrendous three day or deals. Like, really bad.
Starting point is 00:47:21 And then I just can't fucking do it anymore. I'm bored of it. Like, when am I doing 54 years old? Stop it. Shy do it anymore. I'm bored of it. Like, what am I doing? 54 years old? Stop it. Shut up. Fuck up. I hate the emotional hangover. Ugh. It's the emotional hangover was worse than a hangover. An alcohol hangover. Yeah. Because I would just, as soon as you wake up, it's right there on your pillow, staring right at you. Yeah. And it was with me all day. And I was like, fuck, and the only way, the only way to get out of it is to own
Starting point is 00:47:45 your shit and not expect something back from the other person. Yeah, like depression is, I mean, we all have moments of it, but it's like not nothing like it was nothing. Like, it's so good to have that gone. It's, for me, in a big thing too that I'm, look, I'm still dealing with it. I'm not going to say, I still get angry. I still get like, I'm still dealing with it. I'm not going to say I still get angry. I still get like fuck you. But four years ago, I would flip out. And now when I, when I have that moment, I've had a couple of them, but I can kind of in the, in the moment of
Starting point is 00:48:20 fuck you, everybody's fucking me or everybody's coming at me. I can be like, you're fine. You're fine, dude. Just find another way around this. But it's so good not to have that thing on you all day long. And you can just be happy more. Well, jump off the balcony is no longer an option. It's not even like a thought at this point, but it was a is no longer an option. Like, it really was, it's not even like a thought at this point, like, but it was a thought
Starting point is 00:48:46 for a long time. That was just, it's like the go to button, like, okay, that's the fucking, I always looked at like the, in case of emergency brake last, aren't we know that's there? So you can always do it, like it was just like the comforting solution to any,
Starting point is 00:49:03 but even that thought is just distracting. You don't get shit done. And you want to spiral. I never thought about killing myself. It was never an option for me, but what was an option was hurting other people. Like fuck you or, you know, you know, that, you know, having that, you know, fight,
Starting point is 00:49:20 like you said, when you're in that argument, when you're screaming and yelling, it's not just what you did. It's what they, all the other shit that I held on to, that I didn't let out the car, the person, the club owner, blah, blah, blah. And it's, I'm, I'm releasing it all. So it's almost, it feels good. It's a release. And it's a relief. And it, it feels wonderful. and it's a relief and it feels wonderful. So I wanted to keep going to get it all out. So I can, that's the thing I learned. I would have to let it all build up and then explode
Starting point is 00:49:56 and then it would come out and then I would feel better, almost like a bottom and I would restart from there. I just can't do that anymore. Not with the kid. The kid, I saw a Max get mad like me. And that scared, I was like, I can't. You don't wanna put that on him. I don't, I was given this.
Starting point is 00:50:13 It's not something that, like that's who you are. No, it isn't. I'm that little kid that didn't wanna get killed. Yeah. I was given this. This always, and I don't wanna give it to Max. Yeah, you pick it up. You pick it up. Other people give it to you.
Starting point is 00:50:28 You adopt your, you absorb your parents fears, anxieties, and anger, and you put it in you, and that's how you deal. Your brain, that's probably why I'm always afraid by the way of being on a work, because my dad was at a work. He got laid off in 1980 for a, from halls trucking. To me Carter was not the best president. Yeah, you're right, you do absorb it. My dad was at work. He got laid off in 1980 from Hall's trucking.
Starting point is 00:50:45 To me Carter was not the best president. Yeah, you're right, you do absorb it. Then my greatest fear is going without, is like not having a job, not having a fucking, just being left like with nothing. What? You just signed with serious again, what you mean?
Starting point is 00:50:58 We have two more years on our deal. You have two more years on your three-year deal, yeah. Excuse me. Are you got, do you want to do this forever? No, no, you don't know. I mean, uh, can you, can you stop after this one? Yes. 100%. You're good. Yeah. And it's not like, you know, it's a, because, hey, man, it's a business and, and you know, you come in high, they come in low. Um, but I know, I already know how I feel and I'm most of my apartments paid off.
Starting point is 00:51:25 Like that was the goal. I used these couple of years to pay your shit off this way. You can do what you got to do when it's done. And no one gives a fuck. I started a podcast at this point. But I mean, I could start one and make half the money and still pay my bills. It like you know what I mean? If you don't have a mortgage over your head and the podcast you're going to do it, you and OP, right? That's what you've been talking about. Oh yeah, I mean, why not? That is such a comfortable work environment. Wow.
Starting point is 00:51:49 If you, OP and Anthony got back together just on a podcast, never happened. I understand that. Never happened. Do you understand how great that would be? It would be for people in theory, but it really wouldn't be because it's been too many years and we don't like each other.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Yeah, but you guys wouldn't have to do any of this stuff you did before. I love Anthony by like, Opie. Yeah. I'm just saying, I don't know what you're thinking. Me and Anthony have a problem. We don't. Oh, no, of course you. I love them.
Starting point is 00:52:15 Of course, but that would be such a great. I wouldn't want to do it. Like, I don't think we'll ever talk again and I'm fine with that. Like, you should do one live. Yeah. Do one live. Just do one life. Just do one life. We do it at a big theater, sell it out, broadcast it live, and just see what
Starting point is 00:52:31 happens. Just to see you guys come out together, sit down, open the opens, Hey, how you guys doing? Welcome to you. And then just to see you see what would happen. Even if, you know, you don't you don't have to have just a couple of rules. You can't, you can't bring, this is what you do. You can't bring up the past. Oh God. You can't bring up the past.
Starting point is 00:52:53 You can't be like, dude, you did this. You did it. I'm fine not bringing up the, but I don't even have any desire to do that. Like I don't have any desire to be in the same room with it. Like, and it's not a hatred. It's just like we're done. Like we sometimes relationships end. You with it. And it's not a hatred, it's just like we're done. Sometimes relationships end.
Starting point is 00:53:07 You're done. It's finished. I hear you, I hear you, dude. I have, I have. There's not a door, the door's not cracked, the door's closed. And I'm fine not revisiting it. I don't give a shit.
Starting point is 00:53:18 I've said what I had to say about it. Like, and it's like, I don't have any desire to make my point to it. Like, it's been said, like, we got it. Like, it's been too many years. And there's not too many. I agree with you, dude. I have the same relationship.
Starting point is 00:53:35 And people don't, why don't you do this? Why don't you full take it over? No, care, it's over. And if you go, you can't go back sometimes. You have to go. And I understand, but I do understand, like, and this is the funny part, like, people go back sometimes, you have to go. And I understand, but I do understand, like, and this is the funny part, like, people go like, yeah, but you three together,
Starting point is 00:53:49 like none of us will ever be as good as the three of us were together. Yeah. There's no way around it. Nope. If you guys blindly narcissistic, he would tell you that. But it ain't no that, I know that. It's one of those things where, like, kiss as a band
Starting point is 00:54:04 is amazing, but even when they do solo stuff, Jean doesn't do a rena's solo. Jean does house a blues solo, or Ace or Paul do the house a blues solo. But together, it's different. And I'm okay with that. Like it is what it is,
Starting point is 00:54:19 I was a part of something fucking hilarious for a long time. And it was hilarious. Yeah, you three together. Hilarious. Were perfect. And there was bad days and there was bad times. There was a lot of great times and a lot of really fun. Like I have enough people that come up and tell me how much
Starting point is 00:54:37 the show meant to them and how much comedians. There's comedians that tell me, dude, I was listening to this the other day or I fucking listened to this. And I'm like, man, you did something that or tough crowd. Like when comics, who I respect, really funny comics or tell me like that meant something, it makes me feel good. Like, amen, you're funny and you did something really funny
Starting point is 00:54:58 and you're a part of something really funny. Yeah, I wish I was never involved with all the beatings. So does everybody. I wish. I just said no to you And I went somewhere else. I don't know Speaking of that We have some questions. I want to ask you before you wrap up here. Oh, we talked about long
Starting point is 00:55:16 We have been talking for almost an hour. Oh my god. Yeah Maybe me and you should do one shoot in the breeze. Yeah, we call it King and Queen I love it. I'll just double Queens. Yeah, I don't feel. Maybe me and you should do one. Shootin' the breeze. Yeah, we call it King and Queen. I love it. I'll just double queens. Yeah, I don't know. How about Comfort? Welcome to Comfort with Bobby and Jimbo. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:31 And every week at the end of the day, we just come at each other's feet. There you go, Jim Comfort. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I hate that fucking picture. It was a good picture. Great picture. But I was 2015 and I always just take these fucking pictures like Michael Myers. I can't change my expression because I'm so filled with shame that would have someone want somebody who's like, I mean, it takes in pictures. I did this, these two roasts for Whitney Cummings that are going to be on only fans and they were really good. Like the Berk-Rysher roast is April 1st and we roasted Whitney and they're funny roasts
Starting point is 00:56:04 and we're at the comedy store and the guy in the photographers in the hall of the store, I'm just ashamed. I can't make a face, I can't do one or two, I'm like this is all you're going to get. And it's not because I think I'm too cool, it's because I can't fucking stand myself. I'm going to talk about not standing yourself. I have these photos come up on my phone, the background changes, and it's photos of me. This is last year. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:30 It doesn't even look like you in the face. Oh, yeah, I hear you, man. Yeah. But here, what I wanna say, I just did it, before we get to the questions. Sure. I just did a tour of Buffalo, Toronto. That's not a tour.
Starting point is 00:56:44 I just did it. I got stuck in Toronto and Buffalo. I did a stint in Buffalo. Yeah, exactly. I did a bid. Buffalo and Toronto and Michigan. It really is not a tour. No, everybody says that too. I saw a fucking an emcee, like, dude, my tour, I was like, wait a minute, you're on tour with another comic. That's not your tour. It's his tour. It's really fucking not her. Exactly, look fuck,
Starting point is 00:57:10 I'm gonna use PC Jimmy, fucking woke fruit. Tis. Woke fruit is another good name for an album. Yeah, it is. Special. But I can't tell you how many stupid Doug Bell shirts. That makes me happy and how many Kells Bell shirts are out there. So cool. Uh, please don't. I can't on the hair or the lip stuff.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Good. You were with a goatee. He, it's, they would come up after and just be looking at me. Hey, and then and I'm like, I'm like, the energy was off. It wasn't like after. Hey, Bobby, it was this. I, and then I, and then I wouldn't catch it. And then I'd look down at the shirt. Yeah. It'll be the Kells Bell that I've answered. I bring my bell or something. And Max came to the cell. I guess what he wore on the Super Bowl party night. The helmet. I don't want you here. I want Jim. I don't want you here.
Starting point is 00:58:13 You understand me? Do you understand how much I love destroying improv? It's so much fun to me. People who are truly not fun. That's why Chip Socks and Doug Socks, that there's so like, dog is much more realistic guy than chip because I know guys like Doug for real.
Starting point is 00:58:30 And it's just, it's a terrifying fate to be an unfunny person who's always grasping for funny and can never get it. Let me ask you a question. Sure, good, Bob, what do you got? And by the way, Max, for a chip shirt, didn't he? He wore a chip hoodie. You got the ones I sent you? Yeah, he wore it. And if he were, I'd your question. Sure, God Bob, what do you got? And by the way, Max wore a chip shirt, didn't he? He wore a chip hoodie. You got the ones I sent you?
Starting point is 00:58:47 Yeah, he wore it and it infuriated. I love it. I almost made him go, I go, I got him a hoodie. I just got him a brand new one and he comes out with that stud boy. Ah, fuck him. Who is Chip? Who is Chip?
Starting point is 00:58:59 Where does he come from? I've, I've, everyone, I mean, describing him, I feel like you've described other people like that too. No, but it's not. People think it's Obi, but it's not. I would love to say it is because we're not friends. But no, it came, literally, it was a character I would develop over. Roger Davis was one I did to annoy girlfriends back when I was like in my early 20s.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Roger Davis had a brother steward and steward had been, well, at another brother or lester, I think who had been burned in a fire, except below the knees. So lester would always wear knickers to show off his unburned knees. Like, it was really weird. And Roger was in a band. I don't remember much about Roger Davis,
Starting point is 00:59:37 but then that kind of morphed into chip. And I remember in 2005 or 2006, I was dating a girl, I was doing chip in bed. And she dug her fingernails into my face. We were laying there and I was just going, this is it, and doing bad jokes. And she dug her fingernails into my face. And I was like, this is something.
Starting point is 00:59:55 This is a reaction. And then two years later, I was dating a girl and I would do chip and restaurants. And she fucked like a guy would come over for the tip or whatever. And I would chip and just do jokes. And she would go, do you understand people and she fucked like a guy would come over for the tip or whatever and I would chip or just do jokes and she would go, do you understand people think that I fucked that guy?
Starting point is 01:00:09 You have to stop and it got such a reaction. Like to me, that's just so, it's so fun being unfunny. I fucked chip. I, people that come up to me too. Dude, I love how you fake hate chip. I go, listen to me. Yeah. The reason why Jim has me on the show, a chip,
Starting point is 01:00:28 the fact that I have to talk to you is because I hate it. I hate chip. I hate Doug. I hate Doug. I would tell you the thing I'm doing. I've seen Chuck Carlson at, uh, I want to be on Fox. I told him, you know, bring me on and do a segment. And we're going to call it bell in it like it is.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Why is this quite like kind of just like, I tell her by like, what's I, what's I'm what I'm going to be? Bell in it like it is. We're going to go to the questions now. I'm not, I want you to leave. I could literally, Doug, it makes me so happy. Sometimes I grow up in babbles and I she's babbles her. I know I can't she's dating. Does it bother you girlfriend that you wear wigs?
Starting point is 01:01:14 She hate this character is in again, I this character that I've never been seen by people. The one she hates the most is Ramesh Patel Jim Norton. Yeah. Ramesh Patel is the character she hates. What is that? It's just a character I do at home. Jim Norton. Yeah. Ramesh Patel is the character she hates. What is Ramesh? Who's that? It's just a character I do at home. I've got to become famous. I know he's trying to get a Netflix special. He's an Indian guy and he pulls a sweatpants up very high and he's friends with two other people who discuss her future a lot. Like Adelaide is a librarian who she doesn't like and her Adelaide has a brother Churchill. And they think that she's a woman of low caliber. And they always discuss her future. You know, you fucking hates it. Like
Starting point is 01:01:50 really, the way you hate chips, she hates Adelaide and Ramesh and Churchill. What does Ramesh sound like? I'll tell you later. I've never done it publicly. What about Adelaide. It's embarrassing. Complete. She puts like a pretzel thing for glasses and always says to her, I told you, I'm gonna talk to that man. She slaps her hand. She fucking hates it. You just, she fucking hates my rage later. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I'm trying to control it right now. Yeah. I get it. I don't mind. I don't blame you. I want to put my fist right. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. I want to hit. I want to hit. I tell you what you use the tip of language. She fucking hit.
Starting point is 01:02:35 I want to hit Adelaide right in the face. So does she. She'll actually go. She'll actually say Adelaide's a cunt. She hates it. I we got questions from the show? You're ready for this? You got it. Duffel Smith for says, have you ever been cheated on and have you been caught cheating? Yes. And yes, although I have not cheated in this, I really have not cheated in this relationship, but I've cheated a lot my whole life. I cheated like a fucking maniac. What was the worst one you got caught at?
Starting point is 01:03:05 When, and I did this joke in my special, but a girl who was, I used to, I was talking dirty to a girl, it was on my computer, and I guess I saved it to jerk off too later, you know, elite hoarding. And, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah And I didn't realize that I had hit print by mistake. Completely true story. And I printed out the entire text chat,
Starting point is 01:03:31 seven pages in a PDF file, and she was taking a college course at the time, and she printed something out, and she scooped up my dirty text chat in her college paper and went to school. And she didn't hand it in, she said, because she happened to flip through it first. This is her, this is her.
Starting point is 01:03:49 Hello, yes, thank you for having me here today. I would love you to come on my belly button and drink it. What? She fucking, it's the view put your dick in my dick, then what? No, this was a girl with a pussy. And it was the only thing that saved me two things
Starting point is 01:04:05 I was she didn't hand it in because she looked at it first she like looked to her papers and realized this and When she won't be on their forget was a Saturday morning and she was Jim Get up Jim Get up and I knew something was wrongly long. She fucking I knew because it was a Saturday And she wouldn't wake me because she knew I had shows and She goes so who's the fuck isn't she asked the girls? I'm like what she goes I read all you fucking and she read the like she said the name of the the screen and I was like oh boy and
Starting point is 01:04:37 The only thing that say like I think that she would have said the bed on fire But she could tell by the chat that the girl and I never met like. Like, she knew that I hadn't fucked this girl, and she tried breaking into my email. And thank- Thank- Well, thank God it was a different one than my- Oh, you have two emails? I had it. I deleted it after.
Starting point is 01:04:58 I got rid of it. I mean, that's probably 14 years ago. I deleted it. I was so- it was just a dirty one. Yeah, and bad news. Every guy has a dirty email. Yeah bad news Yeah, mine you know mine. I have one. What was the name of the dirty email? I don't remember. I really don't it's like literally been 14 years Yeah, I got one. I don't use it though. Nobody sends me anything. Yeah girls said, I don't get, that literally was just, I should have said, it's gonna send me pictures.
Starting point is 01:05:27 It wasn't like some big thing, but she would have seen pictures this girl sent me would have been bad news. Yeah. Well, I'm glad that, all right. Here's another one, right? Crackhead and shoulder said, who is the worst guest you've had to talk to on air?
Starting point is 01:05:40 Paris Hilton was the worst. Just because she didn't want to be there. She complained recently about the ONA interview and how she felt so victimized and bad, but it was like, she wasn't a good guest because she, I had watched her reality show. And it was okay. And I was trying to actually promote it,
Starting point is 01:05:56 but when she came in, she had that, you have to watch the show. And she just didn't want to. And then she got, and I was getting very annoyed because I'm like, I really did watch her show when I want to promote to. And then she got like, and I was like, I was getting very annoyed because I'm like, I really did watch her show when I want to promote it. And Nancy Grace was shitty. That was on, I mean, I was on on a,
Starting point is 01:06:11 but Nancy Grace was on Jim and Sam. She was shitty because she just didn't like us because I've blasted her so many times, but I had to say to her that, hey, I've said stuff about you, because I felt like a coward if I didn't. Sure. I felt like, hey, even I used my real name.
Starting point is 01:06:26 That was why I fucking loathed the anonymous, because you have to be embarrassed sometimes by shit you've said. Steve Martin embarrassed me. Oh, shit, I said about him. You did? Yes. What was it?
Starting point is 01:06:38 I trashed him in one of my books, and I was a dick about it, and I kind of wish I didn't, because I like him as a comedian. I just trashed him for the pink panther, but I was a little unreasonable, and I kind of wish I didn't, because I like him as a comedian. I just trashed him for the pink Panther, but I was a little unreasonable and the book came from an angry place. So I was doing a tonight show bit at the Grammys where I was getting people, it was a dumb bit, but I was trying to get actors to hold up my fucking CD
Starting point is 01:06:56 and demand I get a Grammy. So I handed it to Steve Martin and he went, Jim Norton, you said some very unkind things about me in your book. And I did what every one of these dummies does when they get called out. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm a fan. I just collapsed.
Starting point is 01:07:12 So I was embarrassed and ashamed. And I felt like an O&A fan to Vaughn. Of course, I felt like such a dick. You said I was a fucking Lispy big nose. Yes. I was kidding, I'm sorry. But again, I had to face that because I used my real name. And I was a fucking Lispy big, big nose. Yes, I was kidding them, sorry. But again, I had to face that because I used my real name. And I was very embarrassed and I really did feel bad about it.
Starting point is 01:07:31 But he was so nice about it. He's like, you're forgiven, you're forgiven. And he was funny and he was kind. And I wrote him a letter after that. I really apologize. You have this address? No, it was through a publicist. But I was like, I was a dick, I was wrong.
Starting point is 01:07:44 You wrote a letter letter? Yeah, yeah, like I was, again, the pen, again, this many years ago, but I was a dick and I said, I was sorry to the guy, person, it wasn't something that happened to me with the tonight show guys. When I went with you, remember that? We did the last comic standing. I didn't get picked. I videotape the shit.
Starting point is 01:08:02 I talked to Patrick from cringe humor and I told him blah blah blah. He wrote an article And he kind of put his words and it looked like it was coming out of my mouth I wasn't where I trashed them, but I never really trashed that right and then the years later when they were you know They they were doing the tonight show sure Bob and Ross. Yeah. Well, I liked. I loved it. Very nice to me. Yep. I went in with you and they were like, Bobby, why did you say that about us?
Starting point is 01:08:30 We loved you. We'd love to have you on the show, but you said some very me. I was like, what? And I had to go back. I was like, that wasn't me. I didn't say that. He said that. And he put my fucking dumb face on it.
Starting point is 01:08:43 And, but I had to take the hit. I was never ever, but, you know, since then, sometimes you have to, I record interviews I do now, because I didn't know that there was one that was taken where they clicked baited me, and I didn't realize I never googled myself. Like I truly never googled myself, and I didn't know until over a year after it was out.
Starting point is 01:09:04 And I was like, that wasn't the fucking question. That was half the question. They asked me about something else and like, and they made it look like I said something. I didn't. Uh, and I have a, an article with the original question in it, but I was like, what the, so I was like, from that point I was like, I have to be, I, I have to be so careful. We, we started in this stupid thing with blogs and podcasts. We didn't understand that it was going to
Starting point is 01:09:25 have so be so impactful that it was going to go everywhere that everybody's going to know shit forever. I didn't, if I knew what I knew now, I would have kept my trap shut in a lot of things. Yeah, me too. Give me the douche. Do you feel like Dave Chappelle stole your hook of talking about trans people. No, okay. I talk about trans people from my own life. Dave is talking about them in a cultural way. Nah, Paul is Jr. 24. Have you talked about Gene Simmons about how he was a dick when you first met him?
Starting point is 01:09:54 Yeah, you've been. No, it never came up between me and him. Really? No, because it was just, it just never came up. But I would, I would, his son came and I'm friends with Nick and he came to his show actually last week down at the fat black and No, Gene has been very nice to me since then like I've seen him a hundred times since then and he's always nice
Starting point is 01:10:10 I've roasted him like I have a good relationship with the gene semis That was one moment of me being angry in 2005. Well, you give me something from Gene Simmons that he signed Do I have stuff he's gene signing gene in my, I had this. It's one of my favorite photos. It was a kiss centerfold from Cream Magazine in like 1977 or 1976 of them in the snow, frolicing. I fucking love this picture so much. Gene is squatting and dropping snow on his head.
Starting point is 01:10:41 And I got Ace Paul and Gene and Peter to all sign it. Like, from times I interviewed them, that's one of my most prized things, but it's a gene-signed to Jim. Jean always signs personal to you, so you can't sell it. Can't sell it. I wouldn't have anywhere.
Starting point is 01:10:55 I have a lot of stuff signed by you. I would just change my name legally to Jim if you gave me all your things. Yeah, I'll just change it to Jim. You'd love it. I'll make Max's middle name Jim, and then we can have it. Mark, by Sabbath post, do you could put your face in where I am?
Starting point is 01:11:09 Sure, dude. Let's do it. I want something. We give me something. That's sign by who? But anybody, I want to help you with your elite hoarding. I'll give you something sign by Aussie thing. Oh, yes. Do you have anything sign by Aussie? Nothing.
Starting point is 01:11:20 Oh, yeah, yeah. I have like just old DVDs and CDs for promotions. Nothing with all the band members. I want something from the first from what's his concert there when Randy Rhodes died. I don't have an album. What's that? Was that diamond man? No, well, diamond man was the second one with Randy, but Blizzard was first in the first
Starting point is 01:11:38 one because he died after that one. Yes, I want. Do you have anything signed from that? No, I only have one thing signed by Randy Rhodes It was very it's a very rare signature Jim Florentine Got a poster signed at a signing. I had a sit on a person. Yeah, I waited line for now I got fucking Ozzy I had to give a guy a hand job Randy Yeah, he got Randy Ozzy and Rudy Sarzo to sign this poster, which Jim actually handed to them
Starting point is 01:12:04 It's it's it's framed in my house He got Randy, Ozzy, and Rudy Sarzo to sign this poster, which Jim actually handed to them. It's framed in my house. That's one of the hardest things I have to get. So thank you, Florentin. That you're welcome, yeah. No worry, no problem, but what am I gonna do with it? It's not a problem, I just wanna get pussy. Why?
Starting point is 01:12:16 Why? All right, listen man, I love you so much. I love you too, Bob. Thank you for favorite people. You are too, man. You're one of my favorite people, and I hope that you're part of my family. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:26 I would like if you guys to come over more. Sure. We will for dinner. I do more normal things. I see my family more. I see friends more normal person. I love it. Maybe that's what happened to you. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:36 You just became happier. And as we're wrapping up, I'll say this. I don't, I don't, I didn't mean to hold hands up. Yeah, it's okay. I'm not comfortable doing this. I, it's okay. I don't like holding hands like this. I't mean to hold hands up. It's okay. I'm not comfortable doing this. It's okay. I don't like holding hands like this. I want to hold hands.
Starting point is 01:12:47 Just hold hands. Go ahead, tell what you're doing. What were you saying? I was saying that I do more normal things. Just don't do this. See my family and see how I do it. Come on. Come on.
Starting point is 01:12:59 You're such a macho asshole like it. It's machismo. But no, but just going to see my parents more and like just more, you know, things have been very good for a while. Good, man, you know, I'm having a jerk off a little more than I should, but you know, I don't get off on the road. Was that, I only jerk off on the road.
Starting point is 01:13:16 Yeah, pretty much me too. Like that's what I do. I'll just like watch a little porn go away. But it's crazy not cheating. Like in years. Yeah, I fucking who cares? Jerk off and joy your family. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:30 Have a fun life. Don't do that in the same moment. Yeah, don't jerk it the same day. This should be a fucking dash between those. Not a fucking comma. Jerk off with your family. Yeah. I listen, Jim Norton, go check him out.
Starting point is 01:13:42 No. Make sure you check him out. Jim and Sam show every morning on serious. I tell you not to do this. Read the same books in the library. It's a terrible. Terrible. Really?
Starting point is 01:13:55 I'm going to be in Lafayette, Louisiana, I believe, is that it? Yeah. I'm also going to be in McCurdy's. I'm going to be at Side Split as in Tampa. Wise guys, Utah comedy works. Sarah, Sarah, Soda, Sarah, Toga. Moon Tower, just for laughs. I'm going to be there.
Starting point is 01:14:13 Current pleasant. I got a lot of great stuff. And my friend here is going to be on comedy camp this summer. I have, here's what I got. I got March 4th, Paramount almost sold out. April 21, 22 Cleveland, Holerides, and then this Thursday I'll be on the King of Late Night gutfeld. And I'm in that new Tucker documentary on comedy.
Starting point is 01:14:30 They said it comes out tomorrow. I haven't seen it. I can't wait to see it. I love gutfeld. I want to get back on the show. I do too. I love that. I mean, just such a hit now, too.
Starting point is 01:14:38 No, it's great. It's bigger than the tonight show. It's bigger than all of the, it's so funny that he's beating the network to the show. How crazy is that? Yeah. Funny show, a lot of funny comics writing on it too. Just have, you know, if the networks had different opinions that wouldn't be a problem,
Starting point is 01:14:53 but it's all the same mentality. They have one opinion. One opinion. And that's not comedy. That's right. Yeah, bitches. Make sure you check out Killbox on luicckate.com. If you haven't already, comicwearables.com,
Starting point is 01:15:05 to get all the, I got the fuck the chequespot, I got the regs, YKWD, poppaking, all this stuff, you code word ladybug, and you get 20% off of everything else. Ladybug. Oh, God, we'll see you guys next week. And you know what, dude? Oh God, we'll see you guys next week on You Know What Dude! You guys are the best. Take it easy.
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