Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Joe List - Baby Memories

Episode Date: August 24, 2020

Right off his new special "I Hate Myself", Joe List joins Bobby and Calta as we get into when's the youngest you can actually remember, what's a marathon and and how to get financing for Joe's next special! Patreon.com/RobertKelly for Premium Content, Live From the Shed and Calta&Kelly! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Buscas contenido gratis. Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. We're back. You know what to live welcome everybody's the show Started the social media podcast WD podcast WD's back again We're all started before them all

I K.D. So fun and crazy I don't Know Sorry and as a rule, shut up, you all who inignates, work the ball, get a man, I'm sorry, it's a comedy podcast, this is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show?

This is the original original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original.

The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original. You know what, dude? Welcome everybody back to YKWD, Caltech Kelly, high jinks, Gabby and friends, Joe's tits, whatever you want to call it, we're back.

I'm back, Mike's back, we're back. Last week, we had a great special hosting, everybody seemed to fucking like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Now we're back. I would like to introduce everybody Gabby, Brian, of course, is here. Mr. Mike Calta. The great Mike Calta who's looking very spelt lately. And I guess his hairline did not come back. ha thought if he lost w

we thought if he lost w would grow back, but ab the disappointment. It's but and we do have with cut tonight. Very John C uh, we have a K a, truth look at look at those beautiful eyes. Oh, I never noticed those before. Oh, thank you. Clark. You know what they are. They're kind of They're deep blue I would say Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose Gabby's frozen. What's going on? Are she? I'm not sure if you're

going to be able to see the thing. Deep greens and blues. Other colors I choose. Gabby's frozen. What's going on? She's got shit in it. She's in Brooklyn.

Your father's a multi millionaire and won't help her out. All right. You know what sucks about having glasses is everyone can see that I'm watching the hockey game. Wow.

I'm proud of you for that. But watching hockey. you know, that's a weird, I'm not really, I like hockey, I'll watch hockey, but I'm not, I was a fan of hockey with Cam Niley, Ray Bork, I'd watch all the time. After that, they took Niley out and they stopped fighting. I stopped watching. And they fought all the time. They fought.

This is a very, I'm not saying you specifically, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, I understand that you're a sensitive person, but this is a very, I'm not saying you specifically, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, I understand that you're a sensitive person, but this is a very boomery take. That's the new buzzword, the boomer. Everyone does the thing where they go, oh, it was a real sport and whatever decade they were young in is the best.

Now I'm breaking the mold. I'm 57 years old and I'm here to tell you, hockey is better now than it was when I was 11. It's very good. First of all, there's two things that bother me. When somebody says I'm sensitive, it makes me want to rip their trick here out. And when somebody tells me calm down, it does the reverse. I didn't think calm down. Well, you said, I don't want to, you called me sensitive. Yes, I did call you sensitive because I was going to. That's not. Well, you said, I don't want to, yes, you call me sensitive. Yes, I did call you sensitive because I was looking out for you.

Yes, I'm not sensitive. Oh, bit. Sometimes. Shut up. I'm not sensitive. Why would you say that? Wait, I'm sorry. I froze and I unfrozen the fact that you're sensitive.

I, you know, this is the weird thing about Gabby. I don't think she wants to do the show anymore. Can you see me? No, you keep fucking bail and get into that. Dude on your phone. Who on your phone? You stink. The comments are distracting. Some guy just wrote Ray Boutique, which is hilarious. Gabby is why you hear where you just do your phone gab, you're fucking computer stinks. Anyways, I, I disagree and calling me a boomer. You know what?

Maybe I am a boomer, Joe. I don't care. I'm a boomer. I didn't call you a boomer. You miss on, you missed and just did everything. I didn't say calm down and I didn't call you a boomer. You miss him. You miss him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him.

You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him.

You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him.

You missed him. You missed him. You missed him. You missed him.. Thank you. That's great. That's a great line and a good point. Thank you. And I love that Mike comes in and out, by the way, when he comes in and out, that little logo comes up and it's just a little voice that comes in. It's a better way. Joe, how are you, Joe?

How are you doing? I'm OK. I appreciate your tone, because it felt genuine. I'd be better if Gabby did something different than she's doing. What? Is it better? Yeah, well, it's better, but you still dress like Dick Van Dyke, so it's bugging everybody. Gabby, Gabby's dressed like her house burned down and they wrapped around her whatever they could find.

Like a guy with like, here, take my bathroom. Gabby, what are you wearing, Gabby? or whatever they could find. Like a guy with like, here, take my bathroom. Gabby, what are you wearing Gabby? Why do you wear a large shirt, a large linen extra large men for fat men shirt? I don't know, I feel like that was a personal dig, throw that in. Yeah, it was. Could it just be a man shirt, not a fat man shirt?

Yeah, it was, it was a personal dig. It looks like your tit would pop out if you had a tit. Gabby's tit couldn't pop out if you were shirtless. Gabby, Gabby could take a shirt off at a beach and nobody would even flinch. That's not true. Okay. I'm people think I'm very hot on beaches. I think you're hot. You know, you look good with your boyfriend in the lake wherever you were. He looks good. He's hot. No, I mean, he that's the first time I ever actually saw him.

He's good looking. He's a honk. He's a honk. Where's the leg? Is it on your Instagram? It's on the link. Rockaway Beach. I was at the beach today.

We're trying to get sucked off for fun. Oh, wow Yeah, he's a good work guy. She looks good except for that Jersey gap right there in the middle, but The gap is not a good thing mama. I told you that before do some kegels get that sucka tight That means you got banged out young by a guy with a big peepie. Nobody wants that. First of all, how do you know that? Second of all, my nice don't touch. It's a good thing. No, you're vagina. Your legs should do this. Not this. You shouldn't have a gap in between that you can stick a fucking Kelbassian. You know what I mean?

That's not the way anymore. Joe, when we were coming up and Mike, please, a girl with a big gap, he kind of stayed away from, right? Thai gap was supposed to be a good thing. Model, Thai gaps. I like, I remember watching an episode of, uh, what was the fucking thing called, uh, what was the Chuck Woolery two and two coming back at you? What was that called?

No, newlyweds. No, love connect, love connect. Love connect. Yeah, I was watching the episode of Love Connection and the guy was like, now he'd be like, this the worst misogynist piece of shit ever, whatever. But he was saying a woman should have three diamonds. If you look at her from behind, like at the ankle, and then like the knee, and then the pussy,

there should be like a little bit of yeah, yeah, Gabby, Gabby has one softball. Yeah, she's got a rectangle. So that's true. Now Gabby, your boyfriend is a good looking man. Is it still going on? Yeah, it's still going on. You know, he's crazy. I'm crazy.

It's a lot of crazy happening. But it's still going on. And is he still in blink one of you too? Or did he leave the band? No, does he mad that you're wearing a shirt from another guy banged while you broke up? And is he still in blink one eighty two or did he leave the band? Now does he mad that you're wearing a shirt from another guy banged while you broke up? I would hate like an old fat guy. You banged one of your father's rowdy?

It's the only way she gets to see her dad is if she bangs the rowdy like every other girl, I love you dad. I'm sorry. You know, it's, uh, fuck it. Hey, that's funny. Um, I love that mic said, sorry, do I've never heard you say sorry ever? Wasn't her. You're a dad? Um, Joe, can I ask a question? Yes. When are we going, you know, your wife, your lovely wife Sarah, which I, I really, she is the only person to break through the bushcraft party boys, uh, you know, fucking fortress. Now she is the girl, bushcraft party boys, one girl. And she sent this beautiful link of where we should

go. And then nothing else. Well, you got to, you got to, she, you got to take over. I mean, she doesn't, Sarah, you've known her a long time. She's not a, all right, boys, here we go. Three o'clock Wednesday, we're all go, like, you got to, you got to beat her and stuff her in a bag to get her to go somewhere. She'll go, but you got to make the plan. Okay, so that I have to set it up. I have to set the stage. I have to take over from here.

Yeah, well, we can get a group text going, get some dates, throw them out there. It's looking, we're going to be September because we're going to West Texas to go get COVID and we'll be back in September. Why are you going to West Texas? Do Rogan tell you to move out there? You'll be back in September. Why are you going to West Texas? Did Rogan tell you to move out there? You'll be ahead.

No, I, uh, her, her mother lives out there and her, her sister. So we got to go vacation and hike out there. Marfa. Didn't somebody die last time you went there? Not some, I went there. What was the vacation you went on and somebody died or you're on vacation? Was that Christmas or something?

Oh, her dad died. Geez. Oh, I died on New Year's Eve. It was tragic and very sad and were devastated. I wasn't celebrating it. And I just remember it was something new with vacation. Why would you? There's nothing to not even forwarding the conversation.

Is it hey, didn't somebody die last time you hung out? I'm really sorry, babe. I'm sorry. I'm crying. Sarah, I'm sorry. It's Kalta. I'm sorry. Not me.

I apologize, the guy rest is all. Salo. Salo to your dad. Gabby, could you do one button, please? No, do one less. Oh, sorry, sorry. Jesus. Who the what looks good? That is true. I think it looks good. I like the Gabby just calls that what looks good. My teeth look great too.

Fuck it. That's the millennial thing. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it.

That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call it. That's what they call Gabby just calls that what looks good. My teeth look great too. Fuck it. That's the millennial thing.

That's what the young kids do now is they just tell them, they say, oh, I'm great. Oh, that joke's awesome. Nobody laughs. Yeah, we don't hate ourselves. It was awesome. You don't hate ourselves like you fucking lunatics. Yeah, we, we love myself.

I love myself. I love myself. I hate myself is doing great on YouTube. Yeah. Speaking, listen man, that is a thing with these younger generations. So they're almost too positive. They're almost too affirmations. You know, it's almost, I don't know.

It's like, I look great. You're not supposed to say that. Well, you're not. What? Well, that was a sharp knife. You just stuck it in my fat side. But let's it, first of all, I'm not sure if you're going to get it. What? That was a sharp knife. You just stuck into my fat side.

But listen, first of all. I love that I brought that up and both the fucking cocksuckers that I thought would jump on it just stared at their screen. What would they score a goal? You fucking. I just look at old fuck talking mean to a young hot chick. It's a commercial. She's not hot and you're not that old But no, I thought I was waiting for Gavin respond, but she's all frenzy and skippy. I don't know what the fuck's going on Yeah, because she's fucking she's a she's she's looking her. She's in the prime of her life. She's banging a fucking ten Everything's great in her life, she's banging a fucking 10. Everything's great in her life. Except her Wi-Fi, Wi-Fi is awful.

I know, it sucks. I don't know why, no matter where I go and do the show, it always greases. Hard wire. Yeah, spend hard wire your computer. What do you mean? You're having the fucking old disguise in the room to tell you what hardwire means?

Listen, I watched Joe's special and I loved every second of it. And my boyfriend said that he is his favorite comic and then I checked Joe. It took her six hours to watch it as a gift skipping the entire time. Yeah. And first of all, if you think that I didn't pick you know the same as she just did she just she just took a lap. She made the show go where she wants it to go because she wasn't want to deal with what we were talking about hardwiring. That's a woman. That's not a millennial woman.

I was helping the show. No one wants to hear about hard wiring. I mean, listen, you make a valid point, but that's not your decision. Okay, I want to go back to your stupid shirt. Tell your boyfriend, thank you. I love his tattoos and he's very sexy. And I'm sorry that I leared at his girlfriend when her shirt was all unbuttoned. I'll tell him. Yeah, thank you. He's listening. Make no mistake. that to and he's very sexy and I'm sorry that I leared at his girlfriend when her shirt was all unbuttoned. I'll tell him. Yeah, thank you.

He's listening. Make no mistake. That's the thing with dating nowadays. If you're on a podcast and dating, they're listening. This is why you need a nice white hair. He doesn't listen to shit. We know he's listening because when he talked about him getting a finger in the body, he got all butt heard about it and all pun intended.

It was all quite weird about it. That's why he doesn't listen anymore. Good because he's too fucking sensitive. For guy who looks as hard as he does, he should be a little bit more fucking man. Yeah, this is a very jacks. Thank you very much, Jacks. You know, her podcast, her podcast, when she does her

thing, one fucking stutter step, not one when she does the standing never a fucking problem, but when she does this show You know what I think it is I think it's the you, dude, fans are like outside her house, fucking kicking her router or whatever it is, because they don't want to hear from her. That's probably true. If I didn't say rotor, I think it would have done better. You know, you know what you should do one day is there's a Reddit page, and I've actually been told, like people, people talk about it. Don't, don't.

Don't, don't. Have you been? Don't do Don't. Have you been? Don't do this to me. Have you? No, listen Gabby, to me, to everybody. Okay, don't think it's just you. I heard, I was talking to somebody about Reddit,

they were like, Reddit and this, and they attacked this show, and it's the, and then I go, I've never been in the person went, don't go. I love that shit. I know you do because you have no empathy and you're not connected to humanity. Yeah, you have to be told, you can't say I love you to your best friend.

I can, my son's here, I could say to him, I have no problem with feelings. I love you son. Thank you. Oh, that was really nice. Joe, let me. What's going on? You.

Joe, do you love your father? Yeah. Say it. I love you. Give me kiss. Give me kiss. Give me kiss. Give me kiss.

I don't care about me. I don't care. Give me kiss. Give me kiss. Give me kiss. I'm going to be taking out a context. I'm going to be taking out a contest. You're not going to like it when they get that age or they won't give you a kiss anymore. Yeah, that's why I kiss my son all the time now. The fuck, we're in the pool today. And I had to unmute the filter. And there's a hose that on the outside of the pool that I go, like, it's all going to fall apart. I go, Max, please hold this. And I'm like, Don, Don, know what to be found? You know, no, I don't, where is she? You know, no, I don't worry she I'm screaming dawn

Not nothing. She's with Larry And then I I got max hold on this this tube good that goes to the pool and then he just pulled it off the whole Fucking pools just coming out on his face Well, that'll be taken out with John and And And I'm like I was like I, I was like, Maximus put it and he goes, you yelled at me. And I put it back on and I'm like, Maxim, sorry.

And then he just started cracking up because it was kind of funny though, right? That and I'm like, yeah, it was fun. Yeah. I should have just let him go. I should have just let the pool empty. I remember the first time someone came in my face when I was a kid. That's, whoa, whoa.'s what you're saying you came on your soul. No no no.

What? No. What are you talking about? I think my Wi-Fi is cutting out. I thought you came on a I'm sorry, that's what I'm something's up. Oh my God, no, it's the Wi-Fi. It's something. Hey, you ever wondered this? This is going to make me shot or cancel or whatever, but like, so with like, maybe I shouldn't bring this up on a podcast. No, you're good, go.

Yeah, you're good. Go. Yeah, you're fine. We're beyond to pay well. And all the ladybugs are cool. So this is just a thought I've had like psychological study. Obviously, yada, yada, I'm not interested in this. But like if you had a baby, like a fresh baby in the first 20 minutes, it's cleaned off, right?

And then you just took it and you put your mouth on its genitals for a second just went Whatever then never you a perfect parent after that Would they have would they be fucked up would they recall that at some point because of that early and then after that You were just perfect. I don't think the baby would but the nurses and the doctor And your wife, wife and everybody else in the room, but the baby would probably have some type of therapy or something. Yeah, every time they heard there were every any time somebody went, they'd probably scream or throw up. It's just an interesting, quite like psychologically, I'd like to ask a psychologist who knows that I'm not a creep or a psycho.

Why not having a creep or a psycho? Why would you even think about that? Well, to me, it's interesting, because I guess what speaks the interest is the idea of young, young children, they recall events much later in their life and they're like, oh, I was whatever, but I'm just wondering how early you could go and how minimal.

Like if it was like a really minimal, you just just a swoosh. I can't remember. I should not bring this up at any time. It's a means to me you're trying to gauge what the cutoff age is. Well, you could before you could just serve her a child's private. That's why I'm hearing. Yeah. Yeah.

Not because I'm looking to do it, but I'm interested in the psychology of it. I don't believe that for one. Okay, well, the psychotlisten to me, I don't understand. What can you just explain to me again, is it a, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr So I guess at any kind of inappropriate genital that I but I mean either one of those things are inappropriate. Maybe a lick. No matter boy or girl. No, say the word lick lick. We get the point we touch. Raspberry. A raspberry is way better than a lick.

A lick is like, don't say lick. A lick a three inch lick to the babies two days old. And the three of you're going to be looking an asshole, balls, dick, and forehead. It's a nice nurse. The real question is, so I'm looking at the comments here. Memories have any effect on their mental state. Thanks, you Alex hit Alex hit,

understands what I'm going for. Yes, so does obsessive fruit. So real question is what age do children, childhood memories have an effect? Okay, but you could ask, you could have just asked that question. You didn't have to put the visual in our heads. Well, what's that mean ask a mole hole? oil oil

Jewish No, they know off the foreskin. They're they just kind of yeah, they put the penis. They know a Jewish oil they They're the rabbi bites the foreskin off your Jewish She's not Jewish. She's rock and roll Jewish. That's different Yeah, that means just an excuse to complain. Yeah, that they may be just Catholics. Yeah, and they celebrate Christmas too, by the way. You celebrate Christmas, right? Yeah, I spoke with everything.

Melissa is getting triggered. Melissa is getting triggered. I know I'm worried that she's really triggered. I'm sorry, Melissa. Yeah. No, you're triggering her memory. She's remembering. Yeah. Her father licked her like a stamp when she was fucking 18 seconds old. But I think it's a good question. it's an interesting question more is a very obscure question. I think that I think I don't know how to go with this. I think Joe that what's more interesting to me is why you would with this. I think Joe that what more interesting why you would think this like I've never I've never thought I got to I feel like you watch a friend have a baby this weekend you're like No, no, here's what made me think of it because I thought like I've since as early as I can remember I've had this turned on she keeps fucking undoing buttons. Oh look how low it is now

I've had this turned on. She keeps fucking undoing buttons. Oh, look how low it is now. If she had, she has, she has the same chest as Steve. We're going to see a belly button before we see cleavage. So what made me think of it is I've had this, this emptiness, this longing in my life, as long as I can remember. So I'm like, maybe there's some event that happened when I was a young kid. And it may be think I'm like, what if something happened in the hospital, maybe someone, you know, touched me, whatever. And it made me think like, what's the earliest possible thing? Does day two, you don't have much memory. So I'm saying, you got a two year old, you could be like, you fucking pieces shit. You said, maybe I should have gone verbal abuse.

You fucking piece of shit, you garbage. And then day three, you're just the best. You're just the nicest father, whatever. Are they gonna be all right? I don't know. I think there is an age on that, Joe. I think there is an age when you remember. I believe,

cause kids don't remember shit at a certain age. They just, it's just the memories not there. I don't know what that age is. Maybe Mosh could look it up, but. I'm actually checking with my wife who is a mental health therapist for children. She'll have an answer for you. Yeah, she'll get, she'll get the question.

And Mike, I appreciate that you made a noise like this. Like you started taking this serious, which is where it should be, because, you know, this is a. Hmm. Like you started taking this serious, which is where it should be because, you know, this is a serious question. Bobby's not taking it very serious. You made it related to where I am trying. You related it to you realized and where it was coming from.

It wasn't from you having to be passing a newborn ward in the hospital. You were looking inside yourself. Yes, I'm trying to get to the bottom of, did my dad lick my asshole when I was too old Here we go right here. I think what is it say Where is your dad now can we ask him? Okay, no he's in jail for licking assholes

All right, what is your full? I don't know what that is What is your first memory of vivid scene may come to mind? Seen from Tottles eyes. Unfortunately, the scene may be work of fiction, a new study finds that because scientific literature suggests that is not possible to have a memory from before the age of two. So two, you can blow a kid up until he's two.

And then you're asking. This is famous comedian, Joe list. Yeah, he would like to know if you, I believe the way he worded it was, if you were to a child's private seconds after they were born, would they remember that at what age they usually start remembering her, if things that happened to them? Look at her face, look at her face. Would it have an impact? Not seconds after. I'm saying cleaned up day two, whatever.

And the reason I'm thinking about it is because I've had a deep emptiness in my own life, I therapy the whole thing, and I'm just wondering maybe something happened to me, which led me to think what age of two days old if you were very even verbally abusive to a kid your piece of shit you ruined my life and then after that you were terrific to the kid. Yeah Joe Joe got raspberry around 14 hours into his life just and it fucked him up. I don't think that there would be any recollection of that.

So I guess you had a golden gel when something happened to you because you would have no recollection. Santa, you have the baby. What is your oldest memory, Joe, like your earliest memory? Huh, earliest memory. That's tough. I remember living in... I remember leaving my house in Milton and moving to Stoughton when 1985, probably three-ish maybe. I distinctly remember moving to Whitman in 1986. I remember the 86 finals in World Series four-ish. So he remembers three-ish kind of. Okay so usually up until the age of six

is when you're really building your memories, like your blocks of memory. So it makes sense that you remember stuff from when you were three. Anything during infancy, it's very unlikely that you would remember anything. Really, and I think you're right. I think the age of two, although you say you remember stuff from.

Yeah, yeah, pretty early, which I don't. What happened to you, Mike? What happened? Tell me. I just have memories. I just remember good stuff. Like what? I can remember all my parents are married. I remember my brother was born, stuff like that. But Mrs. Calta, isn't it true that when you recall a memory, you're recalling the last time you remembered it. You're remembering the memory and not the actual

event. So Mike may think he's remembering being too, but he's just remembering the last time he remembered being too. That's interesting. That's interesting. I also think that sometimes you hear stories and memories from stories, but you didn't necessarily witness those things or recall. I don't know how this turned into me. I remember I smell, I remember smells. Yeah, your wife saying you're full of shit. Yeah, Amanda, your hair looks great blown out, by the way. Oh, thank you.

It looked amazing. Thank you. See, Gabby shirt. I gave it to her. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, rencones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Colta, ¿y ahora qué es tan mejor que lo que es tan mejor? Oh, mi天iah, me parece la misma manera de tu mujer, ¿y ahora también Steven?

Eso es lo que es lo que es. No es que no es tan mejor, pero es una absoluta. Yo creo que te he dicho que, pero te he dicho que es tan mejor que lo que es tan mejor que lo que es. Pero luego te he dicho que no es tan mejor, aunque no me parece que es un día, me voy a hacer. than him that was implied. But then you said not that I'm not hot, which even though I feel was a lie, I will take. Thank you.

Do you think my Calta's hot Gabby? Yes. I think he's a hot. I think Calta has a hot energy that we can all appreciate. Well, that's true. I agree with that. Yoke, and I like your clavicle.

That was right. Another, I was waiting. Oh, it's not a cult. Yes. What? Clavicle. Clavicle. To I'm just I'm taking swings here. I don't know. I'm sorry. Joe, I feel like we can't be funny in now until you forget who licked your bottle

when you were born. No, it's just a just fun. And your your wife was so pleasant. And by the way, a little I'm a little smarter than her. It looked like she didn't know about the recalling the memory thing. She was a little lost there. That's kind of avoid that's like a vortex conversation. Yeah, when you're high, what if you just remember a memory?

No, but that's the truth. You're remembering that's that's why I witnessed testimony and stories change because you remember the remembering. You're not actually thinking about the event. You remember anything else. Sometimes as you guys you think about things you remember more details. I remember vivid memories from when I when I was three years old. Yeah, that's a lie. What did you say, Bobby? I agree with you, Joe. I think that's a lie. I think because I know that I remember things when I was a kid, but I don't remember the age, the age. I think it was earlier, but it wound up being later because you can't really put into

perspective when it was. You know it was back then, but what is back then, you know? So my parents were married in the 70s. I was born in a 71. My brother was born in 74 and I remember the time in between. I remember being home alone with my father in my, in my house. There's no way I could hear stories about that

because nobody talks about that. There were only a couple of years that actually happened. I remember watching the Muhammad Ali fight with him and bed on a black and white television. I remember a lot of things from when we lived in that house. Yeah, but those could be just memories that you think you had. No, I have confirmed some of these things. I remember one time my father and I went out to the ice cream truck. That was outside. Like I remember being in that house

and I could only have been the most I could have been with three and a half. I remember being in that house and I could only have been the most I could have been with three and a half. I remember my uncle, I had to be, I had to be three or four, maybe younger. I remember my uncle put me on the back of a little mini bike, remember those little mini bikes. And they put me on the back and they forgot to tell me to hold on. And they just took off and I flew off the back and smashed my head no helmet and I also remember you know I have these in the pool like when they had a pool very similar to my pool and they had five boys, two girls, me, my sister, my mother and all their friends would come over to this fucking above-ground pool, and they would literally just throw me around like a ball. And then, you know, and I wouldn't,

I'd be trying to just catch my breath because I'd be thrown, go under, they'd grab me, throw me. I was basically a toy for a long time. You're probably like a beach ball. Because you're a young in vault. I got it. We all got it. You bomb. I mean, let's just. Joe is sniffled and he was afraid to laugh. No, I'm smiling. I got a big smile here.

I'd like to hide my face because I hate my teeth and I want to kill myself. Let me show you. what do we hate about the yellow ones facing the wrong way? It's like a pet cemetery in there. But it really does. It looks like a civil war cemetery. You'd see like driving through Kentucky. Why don't you fix them here and adult now? I'm going to soon. I had to get you know, I had other stuff going on. COVID and you know, I had to pay for my mum's tits and the whole thing.

Um, I like the idea of, I think I'm hearing myself through somebody's thing. Is that normal? Gabby froze. Yeah, Gabby froze. It's probably Gabby's. Oh, Gabby stinks. Anyways, I like the idea of Bobby's. If we could just go back to each other's memories

and Bobby's like, I was on a tiny bike and then it cuts to Bobby and he's six and huge. And it's a regular size bike. I remember, I remember my uncles. I think we already did that one. I mean, that's not what I wasn't trying to, that's not what I was trying to, that's not what I was going for too, as much. It was close. I remember being at the car at my uncles

and they were, I was on the lap and they were let me drive. And I almost drove us off a cliff by the high school. And, uh, and they just laughed. They thought it was fucking hilarious. And I want to be let Max sit in the front seat, driving around the block. It's like times are so fucked out, you know. Remember that time Gabby said it was hot. Yeah. I'm sorry. Was that that. It's a hot energy. Just don't ruin it. Melissa just asked if I was a fat kid. No, I was not a fat kid my first fat

My first fat was in sixth grade when my mother divorced my evil stepfather that used to you know beat me up and punch me and call me a fucking idiot We moved into a and call me a fucking idiot. We moved into a two bedroom apartment. We were really poor. And I was home alone all the time. My sister became friends with these Rocky Horror picture kids like they were gay and weird. And they had a, I remember they had this really old car,

they called Massingale. And I just didn't want to hang with them because it was just too weird. They did, they used to sing the Rocky Horror picture stuff in the park and it was just weird, you know. So I was always by myself. Me and my sister didn't get along them well. I remember one time she threw a brick at my head

and one time we got into a fight and she took my hair and smashed my head on the corner of the wall and split my skull open, I was bleeding. And I remember, she looked at you, she goes, I'm not calm and ambulance until you promised me you won't tell anybody. Oh, that's a beautiful. So I never told anybody.

And around, I think it was 10 years ago, me and my sister at the table at my mom's house. And I said, I said, you know, we got in a little argument. I go, you fucking smash my head against the wall, blah, blah, blah. And I go, mom, remember the time? And she goes, yeah, she goes, that was Lisa. She took my head and smashed him and, prompt made me promise not to tell you or she wasn't taking me to the hospital or getting me help.

And my mother got mad at me. She was like, you lied to me. I'm like, where is this fucking going? This is why I moved out at fucking 16. I had a line, but I didn't want to interrupt the abuse story because I felt bad. Can you just take it back to where you said she hit you in the face of the brick? Yeah, she threw it. My sister threw a brick at my face. Oh, Reginald Bobby. Are you guys familiar with Reginald Denny? No. Well, you're not, yeah, because you're 11, but he got pulled out of a truck. They hit him in the face of the brick. Reginald Denny, Reginald Bobby. Reginald Bobby. Wow, that was a stretch.

Bobby. Wow, that was a stretch. Let's go back to talking about baby licking. Yes, I was fat. Sixth grade was my first fat. I'm very big. I like the comments because some people they're not mean. They're pretty nice. Someone had a good comment. You go, well, you have fat kid. You said, no, my first fat was sixth grade. And somebody wrote sixth grade is a kid. At the point, pretty decent point. I mean, you were a kid. I mean, yeah, but I mean, as a, like as, you know, first, you know, one, two, three, four, five,

sixth grade is not as kind of, you know, not a little kid. When I was a little kid, I was in shape. But then I became, I fluffed up in sixth grade. And then I lost. I got a very, I got a, I got my Mr. Depersio, my Italian sixth grade teacher, was kind of took me under his wing

and kind of became my dad for that year. But he was very into jogging. So I just assimilated and started jogging. And he got me into marathons. I started running marathons and I did a, you know, a fucking mile marathon. I did a five mile marathon. I started Dave McGilvery marathon.

Remember that? That's not what a marathon is. Well, for kids, it is. I was in fucking six. Great. We think I'm African. I'm not. I know, but marathon has meaning words have meaning. Marathon means 26.2. My right. So it was a, I'm sorry.

I, because you're a jogger. That's why it's, you know, that means something to you. Mike just knew what I was talking about. No, he shook his head. He was shaking his head going. He was going to slide your runner. You run. So that means something to you. What is, what is a five mile marathon? What is that? A five mile, it's a run. It's a race. A run. There's a name for it. Five K. He's talking about a five K. five K is 3.1 miles. All right. So I did a fucking five and a half K.

You did no case. I did a five mile run. Okay. Five mile run is great. But a marathon. I mean, this is the kind of thing that happens under fascism. Words lose their meaning. Why is a fascist?

By the way, fucking what's his name again? Mike cult is writing his memoirs or looking at his phone. Something's going on. I haven't seen his eyeballs since 730. Yeah, Mike when Mike disconnects around 735, Mike goes into what do we have for dinner? mode. He's pulling a Norton minus the brilliant lines. Norton really does find a disconnect.

No, Norton's like is like like what do you call it? Savant or something, he's playing candy crush and then he just pipes in with the best line of the show and then goes back to whatever he's doing. But Mike Mike just pipes in with something, you know, fine, something fine. I'm not going to say bad. What are you looking at, Mr. Caldwell? What was what was catching your eye? We had a vet emergency time.

My dog had to go to the vet. Always has something fucking tangible. Whenever you, this way, when Mike looks at his phone, I don't even fuck with it anymore, because it's always something like you like, oh, fuck. Well, you look at me a foeful, because my mom just had a stint's put in three minutes ago. She, yeah, she grabbed her chest at fucking eddies

and I'm sorry. And then he makes you feel he goes I apologize. I'll get let's get back to the show. So we had a ven emergency earlier and I had to take the dog to the vet and my wife just texted me and said the dog is ready. I'm gonna go pick her up. Oh, few. Yeah. I mean, what happened to the dog? I didn't get to find out because you began yelling at me like your father used to yell at you when you were in sixth grade Someone's gonna come off their diet What's up? What you can you look now now? I feel bad. I'm sorry. Go ahead. What was it? Vette emergency they say what it was? The poor dog just started screaming.

Or like a minute at a nowhere. Barking. No screaming, like not barking. Just doing that cry, that dog cry thing. I think that's called barking. I think he does. Barking is woof woof. She goes, woof woof. She's your

woof woof is me describing Gabby. She really is dressed like a fucking 17th century peasant from England. I would have been on it on. What's on the lower half of that? We just wearing the shirt. Oh, okay. You would have got away with it if you said I'm just wearing the shirt. I would have got away with what? Style.

Yeah, that's not what it's called the Yelping. Dogs Yelp. Yeah. Yelp, Yelp, Yelp, Yelp, Yelp, Yelp, Yelp, Yelp, Yelp, review. The dog was Yelp, it was sad. We could go was wrong with it. So I had to pick her up and carry it on the car. I did not, I did not. Then I got to the vet up and carry it on the car. I did not. I did not. Then I got to the vet and she was fine, but they then came home and started doing it again. I started to take her back to the vet.

Maybe she had a childhood memory of being at the. Yeah, I really. Fucking licked its licked of vagina. Gabby, have you thought of making that book behind you, the great Gabby? I'm writing it. John, John, very interested in how you're specials doing because you released it for free on, it's on Comedy Central, of course, but you put it out there on the internet digitally. How did it do? What is going on with it?

Like was it a success? It seems to be a success. I don't know what's what, but it's got 650,000 views. That's a success, dude. That's a lot. Well, does that mean money? No. But people have then mowed me a ton of money.

I've made a couple grand off of Venmo, like $10 at a time, $10, $15, I paid $16 grand for the special. But you know, whatever. What's the biggest overhead when you make it in the special? I don't really know. A guy just was like, yeah, you got to give me 12 grand. And I was like, okay, I guess the cameras, you got to pay for the three or four, I think four cameras and then the sound, I guess,

and then the editing and all that shit. Um, and then... We just shoot it. At the village underground, at the Comedy Cellar. I thought, I need to film a place. No one's ever done a special somewhere just kind of really original, never seen, no one's ever seen anything shot, you know. Bobby's looking for his thing, but the longer it takes, the more of the joke doesn't really.

No, it does. I know where it is. I mean, I know what you mean. It's actually, it'd be great if somebody could have done this before you. I was the first one to do it. Okay. Yes. Joe said no one did. No, it's right here. That was the first one. Yeah, but then I found out Ted Alexander did it. And I did it before him too. And Sam Aril and Mike Cannon. But and I did it before them. I was the first one. I was actually one of the people that when known was like, Hey, I'm thinking of doing something over the I was like,

yeah, village underground, that's where you should do a comedy club. I was one of the people that was and I was one of the first people over there, by the way, doing comedy. But no, I'm glad you had the... So, Joey, you did your groundbreaking special at the Village Underground? Yeah, so I thought, you know, this is a spot that no one's really chosen to shoot before, you know, something about the brick walls just made it so cool. or something about the brick walls just made it so cool.

Yeah, I just made it really good. And I thought I'd wear a cool black jacket to kind of make it look, you know, just kind of. And then I thought about kind of beefing up, getting like taken up a little more space, but then I just thought, yeah, it's just insane. I was very thin in that special. I actually lost some weight. No, I was there. I was I was at the taping that special. I know. I know. You know, I know. I remember in Lewis. I remember you Dan and Lewis were there.

And Lewis was like, let me open for you. Let me do it. And I don't know why I said no. I should have said yes. You had Dan Saint Germain. No. Sean Donnelly. No. Wait, hold on, I'll remember it. It wasn't Dan Saint Germain. No.

Fuck, let me think. I thought it was Saint Germain. Who was it? No, I know, wait, hold on. I know it was. Jared Logan. Absolutely. Yes. Jared Logan. Whoo. I considered those two. Somebody told me they said, oh, he's a professional opener. He opened specials. He does TV show things. He's one of those warm up guys. Let me get a professional

warm up guy. And I look, he did a great job. He was fine. but I should have had, I don't know why, but Lewis just bug me because he, you know, the way he does things, dude, you should have me do it, doggy. I'm the best. You have in this fucking bag and do it. Fuck him. He's not funny. Fuck it. And you know, when he does that, it makes you just want to go fuck off. No, you know what I mean, you just want to go, and now, but I remember he was looking at me. He looked at me at the last second where the family goes, come on. And I should have just said, fuck it. I shouldn't have listened to anybody. I should have just had fucking Lewis do it. That would have been a great moment. And he would have went up and fucking made it all about him.

And probably got somebody pissed off and is Louis funny? Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah. Have you watched? I Joe, I mean, can you back me up here? Joe is Louis is Louis a funny comedian? Oh, I think Louis is so funny. No, but like doing stand up, not on the show where it gets a curse and

he is the onward a lot. Yes, he does that in stand up too, but you know what? I have not seen him in a while. So it's hard to know. No, I'm getting a lot. Yes, he does that in standard too, but you know what, I have not seen him in a while. So it's hard to know. No, I'm gonna get a couple of memories. Your memories are seem to be the topic tonight. In your memories, Lewis, a funny stand up. I want that cigar. Uh, yes, he's very funny. I'm gonna scale it one to 10. What would you say Lewis? The last memory you have of him as a stand up? Somebody just wrote a funnier than you. I don't know if he means me or Mike, because I may or may not agree. Depending on the probably means me, but I'm not a stand up comedian. So winner.

I think you're very funny. I think Lewis is very funny. I think everyone but Gabby is very funny. Thank you. I can't be honest. I'm not sure. Lewis was. His comedy wasn't as funny as I you know, it wasn't it was good. He was funny. He was good enough. But then he started doing. He got in in a club. I believe it was the stand and then a Eastville. And then his special when he opened for me in Tampa, one of the last times I was there, he had he went on and did 25 minutes. And I tell you, I was fucking shocked. I said

to him, I go, dude, that was great. Like no bullshit, no shit. He went up and had great jokes. And he killed every night. And as soon as he came off I was like dude who wrote those like but no he yeah he did great his special was great too but you know I mean me and Joe definitely on a different level any who can we get back to my special what the fuck I'm kidding no Joe who open fear special uh shan donnelly shan shan shan shan shan donnelly perfect opener I wanted to have a show I wanted to

have a feature act but um they Liz Liz gave the kibosh on that she was like you got to have one person go up and then you go and I was like all right fine. Yeah it's way better and you know what I wish on the road I wish I could just have a host do 15 minutes

and then just bring me up. Just bring me up and just go ladies and gentlemen, Robert Kelly. And let me go up and do my shit and let me do an hour and that's the fucking show. This hour and a half hour and 40 minute shit that these clubs want. Now, I don't think they want it because they want an hour and a half

because they want to sell the booze and the food. I get it. I get it. But I feel like when I, anytime I've ever done just a host and I go up and do my hour, I always do more time. And the crowd is into it because you get the juiciest part of the show. You're giving the best part of the show, which is right after the host to some other guy. Some guy who doesn't even give a fuck is just there. You know, he's going to another place next week. He doesn't give a fuck about you.

You should have that part and maybe give, give, let the host go back up after you and do the check spot with that person. Let do the checks with some guy, do 10 minutes, and then every page pays the bill. But I feel like the headliner should get a check-free spot in the middle and the best part. So nobody's too fucked up, nobody's too trashed, and they're not tired.

It's just a better show, I think. Yeah, I agree. It's the best. And then when you do a special or an album, they do that. So they do pull it off. I mean, the seller always kind of does that, but not kind of. They do do that. But yeah, anyway, so my special, it was fantastic. Sean Donnelly opened and it was a great night. And it's doing very well. It has over a half a million, it had over half a million in a week, which seems pretty good.

That's great. That's great. But I do have a lot of people that have been like, I've watched it four times. So I don't know how many people have watched it. But then you also have the factor that many people watch it with the group. So Maybe that many people

And it's it's great. You know, I have a hard time when somebody does a special and I always promote anybody who's like, hey, can you help me? Yeah, I've absolutely I'll help any comic, but it sucks because when somebody says Like this weekend, I was away and people are like, oh, you're a comedian, like these people down at the beach and my family. And like, who should I, I have no problem going, hey, go watch Jolyse special. Just go watch it. I have no problem.

Because I know I'm not gonna hear anything back. You know, there's certain people, you know, what do you think about this? And I'm like, yeah, that's great. You know, but I actually was promoting you this weekend at the beach, telling people, you gotta about this? And I'm like, yeah, that's great. But I actually was promoting you this weekend at the beach, telling people, you've got to watch this guy. It's a great special fucking hilarious. Because I know you're going to rip it.

And it's going to make me look good. Right. Joe was so funny, such a sniper. I love list and Norman style. That's why I love about old Ywide case super fast Zings and high energy. Yeah, well, I'm 50 You get four Zings a show now. How's that? I Left a good Zay we've had some good Zingers here. Oh, we got great Zings. Of course we got Jay Zings There's a lot of Zings Naka fucking 1289

Great things. Of course we got Jay Zings. There's a lot of Zings, Naka, fucking 12, 89. Are this, go ahead, Mike. Lewis knows clicks and views and mentions equal winning. Winning what? What is that? What do you, what, and I don't mean about Lewis. I mean, about anybody, about anybody, we can get, you can get a million clicks and likes on something. It doesn't mean shit. And I know it's not directed at Lewis. I mean, just in general, it's not winning. You look at you open your fucking your Instagram and you have 10,000 views. It's not like somebody just backs a fucking dumb truck of money into your bank account. But I, first of all, the clicks and the views too, I think I really believe that they, they fucking, they fuck with you, man. Because there was a time with Instagram,

a couple of years ago, I was getting 70,000 views on my comedy stuff. And then I put a, I must have put a video up that somebody reported or something or somebody said something, and they shut you the fuck down. They do not want you. You have to be so fluff to get mainstream,

like it has to be, you can't offend anybody. For to go. I think they changed their algorithm or something because like Sam Morrill kind of blew up on Instagram and then everyone saw what was happening with Sam and I'm sure other people but Sam specifically I saw and then everyone started going, dude, it's the clips, it's the clips with the subtitles.

Everyone get them going and then we flooded the thing with clips and then the views started going, dude, it's the clips, it's the clips with the subtitles. Everyone get them going. And then we flooded the thing with clips and then the views started going down. Because Sam is saying the thing, he was getting 200,000 in his Instagram followers skyrocketed. And it feels like everything with companies like that for years is someone gets in on the thing and then everyone goes, that's what we're doing now and then that, you know, oversaturates or whatever the fuck.

I just think that, I think that people, you know, uh, over saturates or whatever the fuck. I just think that I think that people, you know, look, even this show, when you go to YouTube, it's, it's gets a bunch of fucking thumbs up and there's always six or four thumbs down. Ever, I mean, within seconds of it being up, somebody will go without even watching it. You couldn't have watched the episode. It's only been up for 10 minutes. It's an hour and a half episode, and there's fucking a thumbs down. It's like, you fuck, you subscribed to thumbs down my fucking shit.

And I feel like when people report this shit, they just throw you in this thing that you can't, this world pool of, that you can't, we're not going to expose this person. And you said you had 650,000 views on your YouTube special. Uh, yes, currently something like that huge number. That's a lot of fucking everybody watch to give you $1.

That would be fantastic. Uh, yeah, a bunch of people have given me money. I mean, I didn't make $600,000, but a lot of people have sent me money. One guy from Australia gave me 500 bucks, which was nice, ridiculous, but nice. I think he fucked up on the comma. That guy's in trouble right now. He has a go fund me up to get that money back. So yeah, it's been nice and successful.

But at this point, you're just like, you know what was nice about the special for me with YouTube is you know, Bob, you're on the road every weekend all over. And it's easy to see people getting things and doing things and you're at the funny bone in Omaha or side splitters and you do those shows and you're like, I wish everybody could see this fucking show that I just put on and that's what was great about this. I felt like I captured it and what was nice and Bob you did it similarly is that before I've done the Comedy Central half hour and the Netflix Half Hour and those were episodes of a show.

They had their crew there, they had a steam machine or smoke, whatever the fuck. And then there was other people doing it, you had to deal with their energy. You know, Johnny Fartsalot is on, he's going on before you. Or you got to go second or whatever the fuck. This was like, this wasn't Netflix shooting a show. It was Monday at the Comedy Cellar and we captured a show of me just straight through doing stand-up, no edits, no cuts, whatever. And it felt like let people see what I do. And I think most people that watch it will like it and some will hate it and call me a fucking

piece of shit or whatever. And you know, you take what you need and you leave the rest. I agree. When we were doing my special, we had a company that was on board that was gonna pay for everything. And the deal, I mean, I think the deal was, I was getting shit money. I think I was getting eight grand. And yeah, eight grand and a back end, some bad that I'll never see.

And the special was gonna cost, because the special was gonna cost $250,000 to make. If you look at all the shit that they sent over, but I was like, you know what, fuck it. I just want my special to be out there and they'll sell it to whoever coming central Netflix will be somewhere, right? But I wanted to do it in a club

because I feel like if you capture a club set, if you can capture me doing my shit, what I do every week, if I do a theater, that's not what I do. I'm not a theater comic. 2500 people is not, I need 200 people, a less small ceilings. I need to be able to look at the guy's face in the front row. I want people to see me telling the joke and then laughing as I'm telling the joke.

Because when you do these comedy central things, they're like, what backdrop do you want? Nothing. They were like, at my premium blend, they were like, well, what do you want it to say? I was like, nothing. Well, do you want like, you know, maybe we can put your like, you know, where you're from? I go, no. I want nothing. If you detract, I want my jokes to be the only thing people that focused on. If you put

a drum set behind me, they're going to be looking at the fucking high ad in the middle of my, my, my bed. I, and they were like, well, we need to put something. I was like, we'll put my name on either side. And I remember the guy before me had this big thing and it was the state where it was from and it was in a West, I don't know what the fuck it was. And everybody that they walk out and they point to it and they got to make some comment that bombs, nobody ever gives a fuck. That's my fucking, who gives a shit. Yes, I agree. It's stuck. And I meant it was, you know, the

Villagina ground is one of the greatest places. And another thing, the Villagina ground is almost I feel like it was it's a character in the show. So later on when you see it live from the Villagina ground or your show from the Villagina ground, it's almost somebody, it's almost an entity itself. You know what I mean? Yes, well I agree with all of that and I think there are these specials where it's like the person's name and lights and this fog coming out and then there's like a crane camera swinging it like swooping in and it just feels a little silly. My favorite special ever is Brian Regan. I walked on the moon, which is at the improv in like Brea or Arizona or some shit. It's an improv. He just did an improv and he was great and it was great and I don't know what I'm talking about. My favorite special

ever is Richard Pryor live in concert concert when you literally see people walking in late. Yeah, and they're literally they're walking in. He started the special and people haven't even sat in the front row and they're sitting down. And it's like they captured him doing his shit. You ain't hit. I'll mow the fuck up. I'll see you right there. Yes, that was great. I fucking love it. Gabby, where would you do your special? Some burlesque room. Yeah, in some burlesque room. Kind of like really low lighting, purple lighting, velvet curtains. What would you wear? I would wear a shitty jumpsuit. You wear a jumpsuit like

you work at like a welding factory. Yeah. Would it say frank on it because it was actually a guy's jumpsuit that worked his whole life in a union to support his family and now he's dead and now some hipster chick from Brooklyn's wearing it and a special talking about how white and really tight. But my next one I was going to be I want to make similarly. You're next special you want to do the same thing? Yes similar I mean like you said I mean you should next special. You want to do the same thing? Yes, similar. I mean, like you said, I mean, you should do special in the venues that you perform in. What if I produce you an expression?

Well, talk to me, big man. What do you, what can you offer me? What are you bringing me? What do you give me? I could put up the money for it. We could do it at a better place, not a better place, not a different place. And then, uh, and then we'll, we'll cut a deal from there. I've thought about shooting at side splitters. I have the best shows of my life at side splitters. The background could use a little work of this semen in the background, but I mean, that, I have the best shows of my life there. Maybe shooting at side splitters. All right, done deal. I was going to shoot my next special at size butters. Well, we'll come up with something else for you.

I would like to, I would, I wouldn't mind a theater, but I would mind, I would like a small little tiny theater. Yeah, they have though, you don't need a 2000 cedar you can do an 812 I'll tell you what happened with those that company that was Was we were looking for 250 c theaters 3 and it's the theaters. We we actually went to Harlem We there was all these little theaters in New York City that will old churches all kinds of cool places We found we found three of them and at the last minute I get a phone call and they said Yeah, you have to shoot it at John J theater And I was like what well you have to shoot it at John J theater on this day. You got to do it It's 2500 seats. You have to do it. It's gonna look great. You got to trust us

You got it. We needed to look big look bigger, it needs to look bigger than 200, 300 seats. We needed to look. And I was like, I don't want that. And they were like, you have to do it, trust us. And I go, who else is shooting a special the night before? And they were like, Steve Burn. I go, oh, so you have a deal on the theater. You got two days.

So you want to shoot him one night, me the next night, double us up and just get two, two specials in the can. And I was like, I fucking never call them back. I walked away for, I think it was six months. And my special was gone. It was just gone. And that's when CERPORCO was like, fuck it. Let's just do it. You know, I think this is the way to go. Shoot your own special, make your own special, throw it up on YouTube and, uh, you know, hope for the best or whatever. Well, I think you did it, dude. I think your show was awesome. You shot your own

special. You did it. And it was perfect timing right in a fucking pandemic. Yeah, I mean, we didn't know at the time that it was going to be pandemicy, but it worked out. How long did it take from shooting to tell us ready? Well, we shot it March 2nd. I think it could have been ready a lot faster, but we were sort of put it together and then shopped it around and then showed this person and showed that company and there was Netflix had first rights to it. So they had to we had to send it to them and they weren't it.

I'm sorry, I just read NAC 1289. Just fucking, he wrote Bobby performs in sides, put us every night. It's called dinner. I enjoyed that one also, but I wasn't sure. He wrote Bobby performs it's sidespud as every night. It's called dinner. I enjoyed that one also, but I wasn't sure. I thought it felt like the hurtful portion of the show was over. But it listen to me. My rule is if it's funny, I'm fucking in. That's a good one.

I feel like Mike is sad. I feel like your sour. You all right? Are you upset? What's going on here? No me? I'm great. Oh, all right. Listen, I got worried about the dog and then you know, you're I feel bad that I'm smarter than your wife. I wasn't sure of that hurt. You're feeling What happened there? No, I'd still rather bang her. Oh, for sure. She's much more attractive than me. Not much, just in the teeth. Oh, that's hurtful. One time I was talking to a comic and we were talking about my teeth and he said, I was like, Oh, I hate it. And he was like, it's fine. And then he says, um, if it was on a girl, if your teeth were on a girl, it would be a deal breaker. And that really, that really stung.

You can really understand that at that point. Yeah. Cause I mean like if my wife had my teeth, I would, you know, hit her more than I do already. I think your wife is super attractive. All right. Well, I don't really get into that kind of thing. No, I just saying she was on the show. She picked Bobby to have sex with, by the way. Last show. Oh, yeah, I was on that episode. No, no, there was one after you talked about that again. You double down on who to fuck. Yeah. Like did we ask her when you were on? Yes.

And then Mike got hurt because no, he said, everyone always says me, but then picks Bobby. Remember? Yeah. I always like, I want to say Mike, but I got to go with Bobby. And he's like, everyone always says me first and then amends it. So Mike, so that means that we're not tied that I got Sarah twice. Ooh, integrity of the game. I like that Bobby. I'm gonna let you tie. I'm gonna let you, you have the lead right now.

All right. I'm gonna do it. Joe, who would you fuck me or Kalta? I feel like, you know, it's weird. I don't know if it's just based on the head and face, but it feels like Bobby would be smoother. Like I picture Mike's asshole being really dark. Like just a black pit of darkness. And then Bobby just looks like he'd be smooth and also Bobby's lips

are really something and even his tongue looks kind of nice. And so I just feel like if even for a moment, Bobby would go off. It would be amazing. I'm going would be amazing. I'm gonna be honest do what Bobby doing he's doing now I would take Bobby over Gabby. Joe do you still eat pussy? Oh ever since Michael Douglas got the thing and like I have HP all kinds of HPV I got warts up my ass and in her piece of ladybugs. What's that ladybugs a cluster of warts near your ass? No, I mean, I've had I've had warts on my cock, but not ladybugs, I don't think. But anyways, I, I will, I did recently because we forgot our lubricant. So I always getting down there, I was hockin' looogies and lickin'.

Yeah, I'll eat pussy, I love it. You put, you spit on it? A little bit. Yeah, I get a little drool going a little like get the tongue in there some lips and I fell in the throat Yeah, I like eating I like eating I like eating a girl out I like a little cunny lingo's. Well, you know what? I like I like a sit on my face thing where I can barely breathe. I was with the girl once She would sit on my face and then I can barely breathe. I was with the girl once. She would sit on my face and then hold my nose closed until I'm ch... and then she'd be like, choke on it. And then she would let go every like 40 seconds. I'm into that. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I was hot. Why, why, why, why, when you get scared? No, I liked it. I like that.

I would like to, I mean, I want to kill myself anyway. So if I was going to die, that would be a good way to go out. I loved it. And I'd be like, and I'd come up for air and I'd just be sucking in the, the, the herpes. Was that the older woman with their convertible? No, no, that was, this was a younger lady, but that convertible lady was frightening. Why? What was that? This lady in frightening. Why, what was that?

This lady in Connecticut, I used to do a bit kind of about it, but she was, where did you hear that story, Gabby? You told it on this podcast. Oh, I did. I remember. Yeah, she was just, oh, I think that was the one Sarah was on. Yeah, we're just repeating that whole episode now. But yeah, she just drove like 90 miles now

and played Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry. And she told me I'm nerd. And she was like, hey, fucking nerd. She just drove like 90 miles now and played crazy bitch by Buck Cherry She was like, hey fucking nerd and then she said if you don't come I'm gonna be pissed Yeah, I I like I like when I eat pussy. I kind of make out with it You know what I mean, but Norton taught me a technique that way back in the day He actually taught me mean? But Norton taught me a technique that way back in the day. He actually taught me, because I saw Norton do it one time. And I was fascinated. It was just like, he had a job to do.

And he was like the wolf and fucking pulp fiction. He came in and got the fucking job done and then had a cup of coffee and there you go. But he did the thing we, uh, what's that? On the clitoris. Back and forth. Yeah, because you're less turned on. Well, look, I mean, I'm not, you know, do it. You don't look at a guy when he's doing it. I mean, you're only kind of seeing here Right, you can't be doing it, but I mean, you know, that's what you do like this. I

Thought you do the alphabet remember the alphabet trick now the alphabet don't work because I believe and correct me if I'm wrong Gabby, but the out what what you want to do is you want to you want to flick it and You want to get it wet, right? Repetition, you want the same. So when they go, oh, and then when she grabs your head, that's when you just fucking buckle down, no matter how tired you are, no matter how much you want to stop, you think of America and you think of fucking freedom and you fucking, and you keep fucking going and you bear into that until she fucking goes,

ah, and releases and then you're done. Now you can tap out, then you tap out. Hmm. Yeah, I love it. I want to just, I want to choke on it. I want to put the tongue into the pussy. She sits on me, holds my head down like this and then just my glasses are all smeary and yucky. I just want to be and then you know, maybe she takes my come and whips into my face. What? No, that's fine. You know,

just whatever. I don't know. Mike, what's the matter? You don't want your own come whipped in your face? Oh, no. No. No. I don't want anyone to come mine or anyone else's near my face. What about drooling the mouth like a bird after she blows you? No, baby bird of my own gizmo that.

What about your eye? Just to feel if you like like a burnt that burn of your own gizmo. Nope. Who's come would you rather have in your throat? Mine or Bob's? Am I sucking it out or somebody spitting it in there? No, you're laying there mouth open, and then we just shoot it straight down.

We drop it down like food for the Somalians. I feel like Bob is a cleaner. What? I feel like yours are burned like whiskey, and it doesn't feel a cleaner. What? I feel like yours are burned like whiskey. I feel like milk. What? I've been, I've been so a decade. I've been D red bottle milk, Bobby.

And you're no, I don't mean like real whiskey. I mean, it would just burn similar to whiskey. No, I do this really every day. I run. Yeah, you probably eat Shorma. I don't know. I've actually been on the whole 30th December. And mine mine's going to face really nice.

Joe's going to be like when you go to a restaurant, a seafood restaurant, they bring your thing a butter and it sits out too long. That gets all coagulated. That's what I like. No, mine's mine's nice. Some more mine's like hot. I've had it like boiling hot. That's not that like. No, mine's nice. Some more mine's like hot. I've had it. I'm not like boiling hot.

That's not that's a rash. That's why it lands and it's like it's war. I'm like, ooh, ooh, ah, and I have to wipe quick. Well, I mean, mic made his decision. I think he's he mines going to come out like buttermilk. Mine comes out like it. It's just in terms of room temperature. It's not too hot. He, mine's gonna come out like buttermilk. Mine comes out and... Like it, it just turns out. It's room temperature.

It's not too hot. Not too cold. I got godi locks, Jizz. Goes right down your throat, you didn't even know. And it's gone. You're like, where is it? It's all down your throat. You're already swallowed, it's good.

But here's the thing. You're like a decade, 12 years old. Mine's gonna be quick. Mine's gonna shoot right through you This is gonna dribble out like Yeah, but not mine mine's gonna come out one little nugget like one little nugget. It's gonna come out shoot And then yeah Bobby's gonna make that noise like Yeah, and I

And Joe's you'll probably feel the little guys moving around in your mouth Mine you're like you're shake up a coke before you open the can. I don't need that. It's disturbing. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's fair.

You know what? Here's the thing. I don't want to come in your mouth. Anyways, I want to come in Bobby's mouth. Winner. You can. Hey, Gabby. Yeah.

Do you do you like when a guy goes down on you? Some question I know. It's awesome. So, but it's, now let me ask you a question. When a guy's going down on you, why don't girls ever say, like when a girl's going down on me, I'm very like, look, do this, do that.

Don't do that, stop that. Yes, right there, go. If I feel like girls, they just, they're very quiet and they, they use their, you know, uh, their sounds and their movements to let you know, like you got to fucking read them, like a guy, your counter. Because they don't want to have to tell you, they just want you to know it's unfair. Also, you really know when it's happening. Like you're kind of riding the wave too. And then you're like, oh, right there.

You don't, you don't know, but I've also never had a guy be like, do this. Do that. Do that. What I'm blowing in. But what, but what really? Yeah. Yeah, I'm, I'm very, I like what I like, but when I'm going out of the girl, I had one girl she once told me that.

Ha, ha, ha. She was like, listen, right there, don't move, don't do anything else, just do that, right there. Don't do anything else. And I was like, great, because all I wanna do is make it come. I don't want, I'm not down here to work on technique. This isn't the fucking AAA ball. I'm not trying to get, you know what I mean? I just

want you to come. So you'll do things to my peepy. Also, you know what I mean? So I just, so just tell me what the fuck you like I'll I'll become a vibrator. You know a human vibrator. Whatever you need. Just tell me what to do. Yeah, I had a the same girl that would choke me out there with the nostrils. Sometimes, one time I sat, I was laying down, just mulls open like this, and she just moved her clip on my lips, and then every time I would try to suck on him or put my tongue out, she'd be like,

no, no, stop, just leave your lips like this. Where is your girl? I want to fucking marry her. I'm gonna jump on. That's cool. She would just move like this and she did all the thing. And another time, this is a girl I just kind of like

hooked up with for like a month or whatever. And another time we had Anel. And in the middle of the Anel, she said, I, she turned back and she said, I need you to come in my ass. That's hot. I just got hot. Yeah, literally. I I just got hot. Yeah.

Literally, I literally just filled up. And then, Is there anything fucking hotter than that? Well, listen to this part. So then I obliged, then I pulled out and there was a little seed. Like I was eating a lot of Burger King at the time and I had a little seed on my dick.

And I just freaked out and I flicked it and it shot across the room, hit her wall and slid down like a little drool pussy. What was she fucking? What's you have a big Mac? What is that seed landed and has been growing some ever since? Like a tree in her apartment. Yeah. A tree grows in Brooklyn. I don't know why I said I was eating a lot of burger king. Cause that implied the seed came out of my cock. I was in her ass. But here's the, here's the problem with, with fucking in the ass.

And then when you come in the ass, there's nothing hotter. There's nothing harder when a girl goes, I want you to come and then you do it. But then it's like when you go eat crabs, you're like, oh, this is great. And till you're done and then you get to clean up all this fucking crab guts and shit. You're like, why do you have to clean up? Well, when you have crabs, I'm gonna say when you go to a restaurant, you know what I mean? I mean, you need to, you need to see a sign my joke. I mean, what the fuck?

No, you were like, I don't, I can maybe I didn't understand. Yeah, like, you know, it's just, it's like when you're done, it's like, uh, now you're just waiting for stuff to drip out of her butt. You got to, there's like a 10 minute. Well, that's my point. You're waiting. I mean, like, that was awesome. That was good.

Yeah, but yeah, but you can't, she can't just pull a panties up. Can you? Sorry. I got this, I got distracted by that. This guy, NAC or woman, probably a guy, because it's hilarious. NAC is killing it in the chats here. What did he say? He said, rose seed, seed, thorn.

What seed was that? Or whatever? What it mean that was. I think that's Lewis. NAC can't be the Lewis. You're funny. He also had the internet and proves, I mean, this guy's terrific. We got to get him on the show.

Is the guy he had the, uh, the fucking size putters lying to? Yeah, he's got a real knack for Zinger's. He should change his name to knack Zinger's. Yeah, I don't, I like like I like, but you know what? Can I just say something? Joe's your show. Is this going to sound weird? Mike Mike? Have you? Any weird or anything? Joe has said so far tonight. Would you would you be an end like like is anybody here into golden showers? No

All right giving Sorry, that's not really Kelly isn't Oh, they said it's Kelly for stuka He said it's Kelly Fistuka. Well, he said it was. Well, NAC 1289 said it's Kelly Fistuka. You really think if Kelly was murdering in the chat, she wouldn't put her name up to get credit. She's going to come up with some aliens called NAC 1289. Good point. Sorry. What was the question?

I get distracted by watching Playoff, Hockey, and reading the fucking comments over here. And then also, I have a heart on from the angle. I'm just saying, like Gabby, if you're boyfriend, what? Black Lives Matter. Gab, all right, I won't ask. Did she leave? I think she left. The last time we asked her a question about this, her relationship died. I thought he wasn't watching the show.

I don't know. Joe, if Sarah, if Sarah is like, let's try it, would you try it? What are we trying again? Golden showers. Oh yeah, so that's what I forgot. Sorry, thanks for jogging. I, um, back when you were a kid, um, remember, call back. Right, marathon. I tried it one time with my high school girlfriend. We were in the actual shower together and she was like, I have to pee and I was like, just pee on my leg a little.

And it came out hot and like gold, like yellow. Yeah. Like it looked like a, it looked like a day quill and it just hit, it was so gross and like syrupy that I was like, no, no, I'm out. What do you have diabetes? I don't know. But it was gross and I wasn't into it. I'm just not into the, I don't like it. I don't like urine and poo. I just

like my own come and pussy fluids. I don't like food. What? It probably food being involved in sex. I don't eat the mic and you think me and you would love it. But I'd rather have the food at this age. but nine and a half. I'd rather have the food at this age. Yes, I would too. I'd eat, I say let's eat first and then fuck because you know, I'm probably gonna be exhausted. First, I want to give an appetite. I want to fuck first and then eat.

I don't want to fuck first and then eat. I want to fuck. Really? And then probably not fuck. I want to do it and we're all sweaty and then be like let's see what's in the fridge. I don't like it nine and a half weeks, big movie Mickey Rork and what's that other fucking check? Whatever. Kim Beysinger, gorgeous, great movie until they hit the fridge.

Then I was like, dude, I don't want a strawberry near a pussy. That's just disgusting. That's like a bloody Mary. I just don't, eh. I agree. I never liked food in my beer either. Like they're like, you put an orange in this and a lime in your beer or a lime in your rubbing coke.

I'm like, keep my food and my booze separate. I don't want food and sex. I just want you to whip my own come in my face. Can you please mark that because that will be the promo for this show. Have you ever had a drink with egg whites? Egg whites? Yeah. I don't think so. The first time I ever heard of that was when Louis hosted

Saturday and I live and there was a scene where he's in the bar and he sits down and they go, what will it be? And he goes, I'll take a tequila with egg whites. And they just carried on and I went, what the fuck is that? And I googled and it turned out that's a thing. It's people egg whites and alcohol and they make drinks that way. And I can't think of anything that sounds more gross other than Joe's jizz in this face. And very same consistency, by the way, Gabby's gone again.

Nice. And actually quick down on her comes back. Max just killing it. Max, you're killing it tonight. We're going to, I think we're going to have to start. We're going to have to start giving out comment awards at the end of the show. That's a good idea. We're going to do comment awards.

Who you win. It's a bomb. Dan is too, I think. Yes. Yeah, I don't like food and sex. It was chocolate syrup. They always think chocolate. It looks like shit.

We're looking at. We're going to strip their pants. Yeah, I don't like food and sex. It was chocolate syrup. They always think chocolate. It looks like shit. We're looking at their pants. You ever get whipped cream on your upper lip and smell that an hour after it? Whip cream near a bum hole. It's fucking gross. Yeah. No, no, never, never tried it. Yeah, Gabby. I guarantee Gabby bailed because of the sex talk. She doesn't want to need I think she's trying to be She doesn't want anything to come back later in life. She she probably made a smart move Joey Licka but hold oh

Yeah, I love it, but I Fifth I'll stick the fifth amendment on this one, but I liked I like to lick a but hole. If I see the washing happening, I'm not, I don't have no but hole trust. I want to see you want to get in there and get that bar. I smoke your ass. Yeah. I roll the dice on that. I don't, I don't, it feels like you'll fucking lick in a, fucking thing of change out of a car. Joe, don't, you don't have to say it.

Cause I don't want to get in trouble. But if you, if you go to do it this air, is she like stop? Yeah. No, she doesn't have to say it. I don't want to get in trouble. But if you go to do it this era, is she like stop? Yeah, no, she doesn't want that. She thinks it's weird. Well, she feels bad, but he's just going to say, I want to feel bad. Like if a woman grabbing by the head

and just stuck her ass hole in my face and just fucking rubbed her like ass hole in my face, a clean asshole. Again, I don't like poo. I don't like poop. But no, I want to be really stuck in there, you know, just doing that. You're amazing.

You know what? I like it. I shower before sex. If I'm having sex, I jump in the shower. I don't know why that. About spontaneity. You gotta just, it's gonna happen. Well, if I know it might happen, I'll jump in the shower.

I don't think there's, I think there's nothing wrong with going, hey, let me take a shower real quick and maybe come in too and we'll scrub your stuff. I'll scrub my stuff. Now you know everything's fucking clean. I don't have to lick the stink off of something. That's always the only thing. I'm laying in bed with my wife and I go to make a move

and then it starts happening and she goes, I'll be right back and just to get up, I go forget it. It's over. Oh, no, no, no, I'm not talking about my wife. I'm talking about another girl. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to fuck it. You know, if Melissa wanted to fucking cheat on her husband, you know, I don't want to, I mean, let's take a shower first at a holiday and express. Yeah. You know, Melissa said I want to be pegged. I mean, what?

Melissa saying Joe wants to be pegged. Here's the problem with all that stuff. It's the post. This is what I did a bit about this too, but when you're married, you can't do any of this shit because you got to segue back into regular life together. Yes. Be in pet. If you're single and you meet a lady of the night in, you know, Germany and she straps one on and fucks you in the ass. That's all fun and games, but doing it. And then afterwards, you got to make, you know, Cam and me old team before bed. It's a little fucking weird. Yeah. Plus having a seven year old. And the next day you see him running around with a new gun.

You know, like, oh, fuck, I forgot to watch the peg. Y'all know him. Max is running around, fucking shooting the dog and the dog., the dog's just smelling it. It's like, ah, shit. Yeah, you don't want the baby to wake up or the kid to wake up and see you, you know, don holding both your ankles in the air. Oh, I didn't explain that away. That memory will stick.

I don't care if you're fucking eight seconds old. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's,'s it's it's um you know, pool sex stinks wet shower like Waluga said shower sex is overrated. I absolutely 100% agree agree with that. Fucking in a shower, fucking in water is awful. Stinks messing around on the shower is cool though. Messing around fine. You know what I mean, but once you try to go into a wet vagina, you're done. Yeah, you can't fucking a hot home.

Now you can't know it's fucking. It's like fucking a tire. Yeah, it's like a white dolphin. But it's no good. But the shower I like washing them with the shower, getting a little soap suds on the nipple and then washing out their asshole and then kind of spreading that and then having them, you know,

having it leaked down into your mouth, drink the water as it flows down there, posting, it looks nice. You're just thirsty, I think. I'm dehydrated, yeah. Who would throw not you from anybody? You're just dehydrated. It's so funny too. to always show in movies like like always horror movies.

The couple, the hot couple is going to fucking the lake of banging the hot tub, of fucking the pool. Get out of town stinks. Look at all fuck on the side. You know, I mean, look, I need Koochi in the hot tub because you know it's clean. You know, but on the side, you know, I mean, look, I need koochi in a hot tub, because you know, it's clean, you know, but then the chick, you know, you open up a vagina in a hot tub and she screams, because the chlorine's killing all the fucking bacteria and that thing, you might want to, you know, just wait a second. You're too concerned with the cleanliness of it. You're thinking too much. Like, if I could smell it, then that's bad. But if it's, I mean, I know they all got a little bit

of a hinge, but there have been girls sometimes where you get in that area by the waistline and you can smell it, you're like, no, that ain't happening. This lady says BJ's in the shower, but you can drown that way. What? That's a shower, not a bathtub, a shower. You can't.

The shower's coming down the water because the mouth is already full with my, I mean, you guys, maybe you got, you know, smaller cocks, but my, my cocks filling up a mouth. And then the nose, you get the water running down. I make the water pulls in. I make my wife wear my sleep at the air machine so it doesn't happen. Yeah, dude, you can't, you can't drown blowing in a shower. It's fine. Getting a blowjob in a shower is great. Getting a blowjob in a fucking, you can't, you can't drown. Blowing in a shower is fine. Getting a blowjob in a shower is great. Getting a blowjob in a fucking, you can't get a blowjob in a hot tub

because no girl can hold her breath that long. You know, a pool fucking stink. It's just all water sex. Food and water sex is awful. Overrated. It's all camera Hollywood hijinks. Agreed. Thank you. On that note, Joe, you're special.

Yes, it's called I hate myself. It's on YouTube right now. As soon as you're done watching this, you can swing over there, watch it, give it a thumbs up, a nice comment. I think that algorithm thing happens. And then you put it on the InstaSt and the tweet. And I want it to be a little like the little engine that could where it just keeps going and going because word of mouth. And it's funny. It's fucking really funny. It's like it's it's club comedy jokes. It's fucking 5,000 jokes in it. There's no points. There's no politics. I'm not trying to prove anything. We talked about it on my morning show yesterday. Oh, thank you for, I got hold of it.

And the guy I do the show with had watched it and thought it was great. I know him. Yeah. I've done your show fucking 28 times. You never remember because you hate me. I do remember and I don't hate you, although I learned some weird shit about you today.

Well, just, you know, wants and desires, that's all. Doesn't affect how much I like you though. I appreciate it. And yeah, someone mentioned my Venmo, you can Venmo me if you, if you like, no pressure, I had a whole thing with this with a guy. If you want some guy, give me shit because I bought my car and cash and this guy did this whole thing. So I went on a big spiel on my podcast. I went on a big spiel on my podcast. Why, because you thought that they paid for, well, yeah, what do you, I mean, your monetary value is fucking, is your standup. Lucifer, it's not a capitalist.

Sorry. What? It's at Joe Liss comedy. This guy just wrote the wrong Venmo. Don't send that guy money. But yeah, so I bought a used, this on set, or with cash. and people thought I was, you know, daddy war bucks.

They would fuck that, you know, I mean, this is this is the way it is now. Venmo, PayPal, Patreon, that's how comics make money because you're giving away specials for free. All right, 10 years ago, if five years ago, you would have got paid a lot of money to do your special. If comedy center with you would have got $250,000 to do your special, at least a hundred grand to do it. Now you put it out there for nothing.

You're not getting money. You have to film everything yourself. So there you go. It's, that's the way we make money. But I also think it's a great way. That's why I love Patreon. I love it because you want to be creative, you want to fucking eliminate the douchebags,

fucking bam, come here, all these people even in here are fans of all of ours. You know what I mean? So it's great. And they'll donate to you. That's, I've donated, I donated a couple bucks. You know what I mean? So it's great. And they'll donate to you. That's I've donated. I donated a couple bucks.

I appreciate it. And yeah, Mike, if you want to just hit the Venmo, it's whatever I know you're kind of doing pretty well. So I mean, you never even took a week off from work. I don't know what's going on there with with your stuff. But and then you said you wanted to maybe front the money for the next special. Maybe just do that tonight. Whatever.

I'm just saying if it's 12 grand, I get it done for 12 grand. I think it was I think it was more like 15 or something like that. But and that's the other thing. Yeah, that's a whole other conversation. But yeah, I talked to a couple of guys that are big money guys and they were like, you got to spend at least $100,000 to make the thing. I made it for fucking 15 and it looks fucking great. Fuck that.

You used to have technology back 10 years ago, technology was so different. 15 years ago, you needed to, you used to have, I think it was 15 years ago, to film a special, you had to pull a truck up in front of the venue and then wires going from the truck into the venue for those cameras now I mean look at look at my camera look how good I look in a shed it doesn't exist anymore it doesn't exist anymore. I'm not going to have it ready to air in 40 days.

Okay. I'll take it. Maybe we'll do side splitters. We'll decorate it a little bit. Back it out. I like it. I'm listening. This is my new thing now. I'm gonna start producing comedy specials. Well, why don't you start with your fucking number one best friend first? I don't understand. You're gonna be at the Centro Astoriano Theatre, Robert. It's in the E-Board City. I like E-Board City. That's where the cigar places and all the trannies are. It's an old, look at that. It's Centro Astoriano. It's an old Cuban place.

You'll love it. Small theater with the balcony. And we'll see you're there. You're just gonna cost a little more, probably take 90 days, but we'll give it then. All right, perfect. Sounds great. I love it. What's the name of the company?

What is it gonna be under? Nanchalan elephant productions. I love it. I'll gel. There you go. Everybody's gonna be going to your Venmo after this. You already got a couple of people that are going to send some stuff. Send my Ladybug Award to Nathan Kelly.

Are you related to me? Patreon on Patreon. I appreciate you joining me tonight, guys. You've been great. I want to thank you. you joining me tonight guys. You've been great. What a dick. You definitely won the Ladybug Award tonight and he actually named the award which really bugs me. This guy is highly funny and it really bothers me. The winner of the Ladybug Award is NACC 1289. His name is Nathan Kelly. I like your last name.

Joe, thanks for coming on the YKWD tonight. I will talk to you tomorrow. Me and Joe talk like every day. Yeah, it's exciting. You ever talk about me? Not really. No. OK. I can't. I feel better that way. No. If I like that stuff is private. I just saw my friend on TV. Um, so that.

Sorry. Bobby's trying to close. It's all right. I was trying to close. You did sidetrack and mush's trying to close. It's all right. I was trying to close. You did side track and mush is trying to close. Um, mush, you can, uh, let Joe go whenever you want. And me and Michael wrap this episode up, uh, Joe, I love you so much. I love you, buddy. I'll see you tomorrow. I can't. What's that? I said, I'll see you tomorrow. I can't wait. I see tomorrow and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Hi Joe. Hi buddy.

Here we go. I bring us back full screen for a second mush. I don't know why he did that. He said, he texted me, he said he froze. Oh, mush froze. Yeah. So now we're stuck little. Yes.

It's the only time we've ever stuck little. And we can wrap it up like this. Oh, here's Mike right now. Hang on one second. Yes, Mike. The producer of the show is calling me on my cell phone. Hi, Mike. What's up, Mosh? I went to a shared screen and it's gross. So what are we gonna do, Mosh? I went to share screen and it shows.

So what are we going to do, Mosh? What's going to happen now? Well, this was doing out like this. And I'm going to close my browser. And I'm going to end the show. Okay, can you wait? But is the show going to be done? Are we going to be done with the show? We just going to read the names. I don't where are the names? Did you email them to me? No, we show them on the screen. Do you I don't see them? Are

they there? That's because the thing is frozen. Okay, so we have to do the names tomorrow. Right. Oh, so the names of tomorrow, because you just got a compliment, Mush good job on the graphics and the scene switching stuff. Yeah, well, I'm sorry that things for us like that. I'm sorry about that. It's all right. Yes. All right, well, here you go.

So Mush is going to end the show. Hopefully, is it, but are we gonna have the show? Is it gonna be gone? Okay, well I will end the show. Can you just hang on? I'll wrap it up right now and you'll know when to do it. Or can you still see us? I can hear you.

I can hear you. I can't do anything. Okay, great. Perfect. All right, so goodbye. All right, well there you go. Not everything is perfect. Mike, I just want to let you know before we go. We're in.

We're in. I'm so excited. Thanksgiving. We're all going down. We're going to, we're going to, we're going to drive down. It's going to take us probably two days to get there. So we'll have to leave on Friday, I believe. So listen to this. We've moved it from Monday to Monday. That because so that we have travel time.

Great. And I'm leaving Friday and I'm going to Nashville first. And I'm going to spend a day in Nashville and then drive over. So we're going to leave Friday and we got to go, we're not going to get, we might maybe we'll meet you in Nashville on Sunday. Perfect. Then we can drive over to go. We'll drive, maybe we'll spend the night Nashville Sunday. Yeah.

And then we'll get there in the morning. And then we'll we're back. And then we'll we'll see all right, that's perfect. And then we'll drive there on Monday. Mrs. Robor stuffing. I can't wait. Oh, it's going to be good, dude. And she's she's going to make a ton of it. I can't wait, it's gonna be such a good time. I'm buying her a new headband for every day. Yeah, oh good, that's great. Maybe she'll dye her hair. My wife, here's the thing,

when we're going, if she knows she's going to get, she's going to get a nail. She, when now she knows it will go in, hair is gonna be done, nails, everything's gonna be done. So when she shows up, there'll probably be headbands during the day, but at night, she's going to have outfits, you know, our wives are, you know what I mean? My wife will be in Lula, I'm in the entire week. Yeah. Well, Dawn, like even like we went away this weekend, she got a little mad because I was just fucking country. I just, I turned into a redneck three days into that.

We're wearing overall hat. We're just about, yeah. Oh, dude. She fucking comes, she got mad because she's like, let's go to dinner and we went to dinner. She came down to the beach. She looks so hot. She was walking down.

I look like a piece of shit. Maybe next day, I showered, got back to regular bulb because I look like garbage. I, you know, dude, I'm telling you, go into the country, you can become a fucking, a ferro pig in three days. All of a sudden you're, you're fucking hat, fucking country.

I was just in the country music. I fucking love country music. I'm like, what? I was just in the country music. I fucking love country music. Hmm. I don't like that. What? Fix it. We're back, baby. Look, I like that. The logo talks.

It's like having a kid. Yep. I'm a robot now. I'm dead. And my consciousness is now on a computer. Great. Except for kids. I like your consciousness.

Well, we don't want to forget about this, Bobby. I don't know if you talked about it. Well, I was gone for that. Yes. Yes. This weekend, I'm doing a show at the Soul Joe's amphitheater outdoor venue. I believe somebody lose going to go, I believe, which would be great. Good to see Lou.

I don't know who else is going. Yeah. Thank you right there. Bobby's coming. There you go. So I'm coming out Sunday. This is the venue that Big J got ripped off from fucking stage. So hopefully that doesn't happen to me. It is Sunday, August 23rd.

I will be at Soul Joe's comedy club and lounge, headlining the show. I heard this place is amazing. Every comic that has done it, even Big J, said it's an awesome venue. The crowds are fucking great. Keith Robinson, I believe, did it. I'm excited. I'm glad that we got the deal done

and I'm gonna go do it. So that is this Sunday, August 23rd. So please, if you guys are going to let me know, I will try to bring some stuff. Maybe some merch for you guys. I got some posters and I'll try to find some stuff for you guys to, if you guys from Patreon go there, that I will get in your hands. We still got those stickers. I got a fucking mail out. God damn it. Mush tomorrow. And then, uh, and there you go. So tomorrow we'll read the names. And we'll be back. Actually, because we're on back so we can do it. All right. Well, I kind of lost my own and I haven't eaten dinner. And when Mike is resting

his beautiful big head on his chin like that on his hand, that means he's tired. Oh, I'm good. Whatever you gotta do, I'm ready to go. And Gavin's not here too. All right, let's go. Can we make it a little bigger though? Cause I got it. Ready?

Okay. Nick Hamilton. I can't see. You can see that. I can't see that. Essie. Zach Tucker. I can't see that. I can't see that. S-E-Zack Tucker, Henry Filmer, Alex Kuku, Abe Joseph Kennedy. Kennedy. Wadah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jonathan, Zog 2000. Oh my god, no, Zog. What's that from, mush? I don't know. Superman! No, Zog, Zog, not Zog. I know, but I changed it to Zog to fit the fucking thing. What do you see as I and my fucking jokes?

I mean, let's even say it's not like it's a zoo. Magnet, no hilly. You forgot the one before it. Rommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommommomm Yeah, baby. Christine D $10 motherfucker. I love you. Christine D. Thank you miss one. Jonathan. I'm a cannon and. What's that? Johan. I keep I can't.

You're on high. I can't. Or Jonathan. I can't. John. I'm not a Hanukkah. Hi. Steve P. Christian. I'm going to thank you guys for joining Patreon. Being a part of Colton Kelly every night we are here.

Six nights a week Saturday jerk off party. Me and Mike will be there. It's going to be a blast. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day.

I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of the day. I'm going to be a part of Colton Kelly every night we are here. Six nights a week, Saturday jerk off party,

me and Mike will be there. It's going to be a blast, Joe Russell mush. And Austin will be there. You guys will be there. I can't wait to see you guys. All you ladybugs talk to you. See what's been going on. We got a bunch of new people, please show up.

Saturday night we let everybody come in. Me and Mike jump on at 11 o'clock and everybody comes in, it's a fucking blast. We always have a great time. And of course, we wanna thank you people, you ladybugs every night you're here, you're in the chat, you're keeping it fresh, you're keeping the show moving. We love you guys.

And Mike, I will see you tomorrow. Mush, what do you got? Follow me at Mike Thesworth's, follow the show at YKWDude on Instagram, follow Bobby at Robert Kelly Live on Instagram at Robert Kelly and everything else. Follow Captain Kelly at Captain Kelly on everything as well. We'll see you guys tomorrow night, seven o'clock, same time, same place, Calter and Kelly Kelly patreon.com, Sash Robert Kelly, the best thing to come out of this pandemic by far, funniest, fucking, fattest mother, fuckers on the planet, making you laugh every single night.

Boom, see you tomorrow. You've been listening to YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. you