Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Joe List, Mike Cannon, Colum Tyrrell | Invisible Candies
Episode Date: June 21, 2021This week YKWD we look into the Jeff Singer controversy, the cop that wrecked a pregnant woman, what they don't tell about amateur MMA training and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcas...tchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
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Hoy es un dÃa de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el dÃa.
Donde nadie pregunta de dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene.
Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos.
Hoy es un dÃa de eso que Madrid nos lia.
Hoy es un dÃa de eso que Madrid nos encuentra.
Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Encuentra los bares de Madrid la edición especial de Madrid nos lia.
Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Siempre que se mantenga las terconstancias económico-financeras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. back again. Original, original. I'm very excited about today. It's me, Robert Kelly. I just played the long neck bass.
I usually play the drums, or maybe the guitar.
This time I chose long neck bass on the song.
We're back.
We're going to be doing this.
I want to welcome all the Patreon members. Thanks for being a Bass on the song. We're back, we're gonna be doing this. I wanna welcome all the Patreon members.
Thanks for being a part of the Patreon.
patreon.com slash Robert Kelly.
If you're watching this on YouTube
and you're not a member, you're an ass.
We do extra YKWD at the end, unadded it
and you get to watch it live in the chat
with all the ladybugs right now.
And one of my guests is masturbating.
So, look at the first 15 minutes,
we have to keep it clean.
No, they demonetized.
Did you know that?
There's all kinds of rules for this.
I got a great show today.
I'm excited to be back in the studio.
Everything's working itself out.
We got five producers in here today.
And we also have a very special guest that's back
from LA Gabby's back.
Hello.
Gabby, we want you to introduce everybody
that's on the show today.
Okay, we have Joe List.
We got the truth, aka the truth.
Yeah.
I'm so happy to be back.
Joe List.
We have Mike Cannon.
Mike, Joe Cannon will hand things
with us quickly.
We have a low nipples. Low nipples. We have a real. Mike Joe Cannon will hand things. A.K. A.K.
Low Nipples.
Low Nipples.
A.K.
Greenwich or Gray.
A.K.
The Killer.
And we have column Tyrone.
And he has no A.K.
Yeah, he's no, he's no.
Maybe today we'll give him one.
Yeah, we'll give him big elbows.
A.K.
The elbow kid.
He's muted.
And we got the mush.
Is he mute? Mike, is he... Is this Mike? No, he's muted. And we got the mush, the mush, is he, Mike, is he,
is this Mike on?
Hello.
Hello, hello.
That was hazing.
And he's doing a character, he's working on an
enabre all this, the cringe fest.
What is it up to?
A cringe.
When Colin performs, it's cringe fest.
Yeah.
And we got mush of course in the back.
Yeah, Mikey.
Mikey. Oh, yeah. Union Mike. Yeah, he's, he was in a union. He was a blowup rat in front of
the studio. Fucking dental, fucking boy. He's working his twat off, but look at all the
little fucking youngbloods around there. Look at the sea of children, the Elpers.
Yeah. Did you start a high school or what's going on? There's three, 17 year olds here.
And that, here's the thing is, Joe,
I've been, you know, this is weird that you bring that up
because I've been looking at baseball players.
And I'm like, why a baseball player is so young?
Yes, we boys.
And you know what?
It's because we're old.
Yeah, I know we're old.
I'm old.
I'm almost 40.
I just turned 39.
But the difference between you and I
and you're a little older than me.
I don't have three teenagers in my bedroom when it's just a little.
I showed up and there's a bunch of tweens.
Yeah, but you sure have them on your iPad.
Yeah, I do.
Boy's only though, so it's cool.
It is cool. Why is that making okay?
Yeah, I don't know. Anything gay is fine, even if it's a chip.
But seriously, no.
Jesus.
Well, honest, seriously, no, the movie called me by your name.
I know this came out like 75 years ago
But it's about a high school kid who's like in a relationship with army hammer who's like 30
Who's a cannibal and a cannibal thing? That's a little overblown. I think but disagree
Why is that I think I think I'm just there are messages
Yeah, and then he's like he's like tried to come out against it in an old has only dug himself deeper
He's like I say those things in passion. I don't mean them. He's like tried to come out against it and an old, that's only dug himself deeper. He's like, I say those things in passion.
I don't mean them.
He's like Jeff Singer.
Oh, he does it.
Oh, taking a shot on his way out.
Oh, come on.
He's getting, he passed on me eight times.
They do.
I got on the ninth time.
Well, there's some things that bugs me
about the Jeff Singer thing.
It's only people that's attacking him
as it was who he didn't pass.
You know, all the people that liked him are like, oh, good guy.
Good to see you.
I blew him and then he did what I asked.
The transaction was reasonable.
Listen, that guy, Army Hammer, definitely is a psychopath.
Yeah.
And he has, I don't think he's eating somebody, but he would.
Yeah.
Yeah, but he didn't.
That's the point.
That is the point.
All right, listen, say point is if like,
hey, look, if I could, I'd eat you,
but I'm not gonna cause I'm a nice guy.
Okay, so you have a daughter.
She's gonna date this dude.
I hope the guys eat her.
Come on now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
That's what I'm gonna say.
All right.
You make my daughter come, you cunt.
Yeah.
Hope it's much in that sweet daughter box.
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, much, in that sweet daughter box. Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, mush, where's the bomb in there?
I mean, isn't that what you hope for with your kids?
You hope they're coming, nonstop.
Like you want to get me.
You have a kid.
Right.
Yeah, I hope he eventually comes.
Hey, why are you looking at the fucking guy?
Well, because you have a father and you're a daughter.
Yeah.
So is he pumped when you like obviously look like
you got your back blown out or is he like,
oh, that's a bummer.
Yeah, you're going.
And he sees you in jeans and he sees a gap the size of the fucking dough.
I'm sure he's like, all right, my kids are getting laid.
That's cool.
My kids are cool.
Maybe that's what the roundabout is.
With the bomb band.
Whenever you have like three stories on a day and not 17, he's like, good for Gabby.
Yeah.
He's getting more tough.
He's doing something.
I'm so glad I didn't have a girl.
She's here waddling it fucking four in the morning.
Yeah.
Just that little crunchy piece of hair
because she didn't get it all.
Oh, and your girl?
Yeah.
Hearing all your stories?
Oh my gosh.
She'd rebel.
Do you worry about that with these podcasts?
Because if I had a son,
Oh, I'm done.
And he just listens to me being like,
Oh, I want a guy to hold my ankles over my head
and come in my own face.
Yeah, I mean, that's why I'm tired.
Thanks, brother, you're the best.
Thanks, mush.
Oh, it's got Louis's fingerprints all over.
Yeah.
Here's the thing, that's why I'm glad the world changed recently
because now my son won't be,
can't get offended at all the stuff,
the weird stuff I've done.
Why?
Because the, you know. Oh, kink shaming.
Yeah, like this friend.
His friend's not gonna be able to go,
oh, your dad's a fag.
Right, right.
Even if it's true.
But maybe the whole, I meet you with my wife on a rock.
That might, what's that?
What's your story about me doing your wife on a rock?
Well, that's, I mean, it's a success story.
I did not mean to her.
It was actually what? Curtains blocking your
camera. Yeah, you can't me to your wife. Sorry. She wasn't
Mrs. Kelly. Just the first of all, she wasn't Mrs. Kelly, but
you're actually right. Column. Yeah. Back in the 90s and 80s, you
got to pull your dick out. That's right. And a couple of
years. No.
Like, we've been till 2018. Once I don't know. I believe it was until 2018.
Yeah.
When Obama was in office, you could pull your cock out.
That's right, because we were progressive.
Yeah, you could, you got one, you know, check it out.
You got one angel salazar, shitting it out.
How many of Joe Biden has for sure pulled out
his, let me ask you a question.
At some point, it's like point. I wanna ask the question.
The progression of, I love that, first of all,
that men made up the baseball terminology for the sex.
But what we were talking about was me and Collater,
it's like, I mean, you have to have, I do this,
and if I get there, you let me go here.
I try to go here and you keep trying to steal a base
until you get to the home plate
and that was the thing that kept society together.
So, you know, if you've never done the pre-kiss fingering,
you've never skipped first, round and third.
No, no, no, for a kissing second.
You never been in a prostitute?
I mean, I would never finger a prostitute.
Oh, oh, oh. My finger comes out green. I mean, I would never finger a prostitute. Oh, oh, oh.
My finger comes out green.
It's smelling like old fingers of prostitute.
It smells like snake shit.
Your nail.
Oh, oh, oh.
What the hell?
The hell kind of crazy island is that?
Yeah.
It's 300 bucks.
Let me finger you.
Stap, I believe.
Stap.
I gotta back up.
I did, I did accidentally go down on a $500 prostitute in Vegas.
I thought it was a girl like to me.
I thought she was a fan.
Imagine that's what's kept your lips plump this whole time.
Just the snake venom from her snack.
Gabby's going down on a ton then.
Yeah, but the progression that we've invented,
which was a baseball analogy, which was kind of cool.
And now that what do we do?
I don't understand, like, all my moves
that I was gonna teach Max, I think are assault.
So I don't know what to, like,
what am I gonna teach him?
Am I gonna be like, okay, try to kiss, ask if you can kiss her?
Girls don't want that.
Girls want fucking vampires and fucking thugs and a biker guy.
Yeah, you just, what you got?
You don't want fucking, hey, how could I kiss you?
No, no, but what, did you say a biker guy?
Yeah, a biker guy.
That's weird than vampire?
Yeah.
Vampire was a weird one.
Bobby's like, on through the full cycle of porn, he's got the vampires.
No, he's full cycle of porn. He's got the vampires.
No, he's on Biky porn.
I just got to watch in the sitcom porn.
So they reenact six thumbs.
Hell yeah, I'm like, weezy.
It's not Monday.
No, women nowadays, they want you to grab their hair,
move in 90% and say, is this okay?
Yeah, that's about right.
Yeah, but then they go,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, no.
And you see that they're on Instagram and you're done.
The old Philando Castile sexual experience.
I don't know what the fuck that meant.
I know.
It was a Facebook live cop shooting of a black man
who's awful reference.
Oh, there's a man.
I should've known that.
Yeah.
Which one was he?
I remember that.
He was the guy like that was legally carrying a gun.
And I think he got pulled over for a tail light
and got shot in front of his child.
Paul and Quinn's on the show.
You're trying to impress people.
Stop it.
Somebody watching live probably also didn't get it.
What about the lady?
Did you see the lady that got the cop clipped her
on the highway?
Yes, and flipped her.
The president of the lady.
It was fucking insane.
Is she dead?
No, she survived, but he was like being shitty to her.
She pulled her over as like a state trooper
and like Alabama, I think.
And then there was no shoulder.
It was like a small thing.
So she put her hazards on, was like riding in the breakdown
but didn't want to pull over.
So after a while, he came and just like clipped her back
tire like the movie and she went spinning.
He did the technique he was taught to do
when somebody disobeyed.
But she put her hazards on and slowed down and pulled off to the side.
And then she was pregnant and he was like, why didn't you pull over and she was like,
I didn't feel safe.
And he's like, well, this is where you end up, lady.
Yeah.
That's where you end up.
No, it's not.
He's fucking phony action hero losers that took steroids once they became a cop because
it reminds them of the football player
They thought they were in high school. I'm standing up for the blue list of Italian stuff
I love when they buy tickets to my shows. I yeah great. I love my people. I got
We have the video really well have we considered that it was his kid and he didn't want it
Here's a thing though, we're gonna watch it see if there's enough.
Oh, that makes sense.
Oh yeah, and I'll pull over abortion.
But she can clap, she's not, we'll wait for the video.
Yeah.
This is gonna be a next flex movie.
Okay, she's flying.
Oh, this is the extended version.
She's flying though, she's going way too fast.
He's pulling her over. Wait, wait, wait, wait,, she's going way too fast. He's pulling her over, I'm gonna stay silent.
Way too fast.
Yeah.
She had had a few drinks.
So she's, look, friendly, nooch.
She's also got about two and a half feet of shoulder before the barrier.
So yeah, I understand that she's probably looking for a clearing.
Is that a regular?
Oh my God.
Why would he do?
It's called like a pit move a pit something I would a fresh a car
They yeah you push the man. This is an extended version. I haven't seen this
Women can dry
Oh my god, she's upside down. Yeah, he flipped her car Wemen can dry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, here we go. Oh, I thought he was wearing shorts. That would have been the worst.
Oh my god.
Come on out. Help for you. Come on out. I'm out. That's the station. That accent I'm out. As soon as I hear that accent I'm
come on out. That guy's hearing a toss into a ravine.
The baby crib was in there. The baby was in a crib. God. This've got an ambulance coming for you.
Yeah.
It would be safer to wait until the exit.
No, man, you pull over when all four stops you, okay?
You're ready to take four hours now, but that gets you to stop.
You then when I pulled up alongside, if you saw the state troop, you looked over at me. Because I'm not gonna let you stop. You think when I pulled up alongside of you, you saw the steak
trooper, you looked over at me.
Because I'm barely seeing you.
That's gonna be so much fun.
Fuck her, fuck her.
And her duck baby.
Yeah, fuck her.
He did her a favor by totally killing that kid.
Yeah, fuck her.
And that kid, yeah, because that kid's
gonna do some stupid shit someday.
I'm not gonna like him someday, too.
Well, now with the in-u-to-ro head injury, it was given.
Yeah, right out.
Let's do it.
I'm sorry to say, I agree.
I don't agree that he should have done the pit maneuver,
like he learned on chips.
Yeah.
He could have just pulled up next to her.
He could have, well, he could have just followed her
and talked, for at least a couple more minutes.
This guy pulled the gun too quick.
Oh my God.
Yeah, like he, you don't know. He was finishing him up a shift. He didn't have time for that shit. Yeah pull over
I mean she's not fleeing the scene. She's got her hazard on she's pulled over the side and she slowed down
Wait, why was she pulled over in the first place? She was doing 85. She's doing 84. Please. Thank you. Or well fake news. Yeah
Anyways, but 84 is not even I I mean, what was the speed limit?
That's not even that.
75.
It was 15.
If it was 55.
It was 55, that's pretty.
55, what is this?
The 40s, it hasn't been 55.
I love semi-agarch.
These kids were born.
That didn't make sense, because I was making the fun
of them for being young.
Whatever, you get the point.
I'm saying that that, you can tell she's a phony, Karen type of girl.
What?
I'm telling you, listen to her.
She was like, why?
She was upside down.
What?
I know, upside down and pregnant.
And she goes, I didn't see you, fuck you.
No, she didn't say that.
She's, she didn't say that.
I didn't see you.
What do you think we can't play?
She said I couldn't.
She said I could. She said I didn't say that. She said I couldn't do it. I said I didn't say that. I said I didn't see you. What do you think we can't play shit back like I could do to
No, I'm not
Hey, push play the end
I love that they took the crib out that's the best part. I love gonna set up a little jail on the side of the
Dogpan 15 days
They just lay down the fetus and put a tiny napkin over it instead of a blanket because all these cops if you're gonna
Pull people over like that,
you can't complain when you get side swiped and hit.
How about that? Is that fair?
She was trying to be safe for the cop.
She's looking for the cop.
She's definitely a blue lives matter, bitch.
No, she's not.
Yeah, she is.
Absolutely not.
She's not a blue lives matter.
Not anymore.
No, no, she's not.
She is a, I hate the cops fucking check.
No, no, no.
Arkansas doesn't have a hit.
When you, when you see lights behind you, what do you do? Speed up. the cops fucking check. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yeah, well like a middle act Got him I pulled the gun out of my middle act and I go to war I make sagalow stow my rifle in his asshole
Is there a big...
He's not fat but he's just a little chubby
Yeah, he's your sweetest
What are you doing in the top of your throat?
Cops never pull me over
What would you do then just make it?
I would just be I would I wish it up like a motherfucker
and they let me go every time.
He takes all dick.
The cat.
You're lucky I wasn't on the other side of the road.
I didn't.
I just picture that lady all sad
taking her blue lives matter sign out of her lawn.
She's like not anymore.
It's like blackers.
Yeah.
So here's her talking.
Well, I just want to wear a quick push.
What would you do if the cop you saw the lights behind?
I just pull over and...
Okay, Gabby, what would you do?
I would pull over.
Yeah.
Okay, but when there is no room on the highway like that,
I understand the reluctance.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know where to go a lot of time.
Especially if you're pregnant.
And you have the speaker, you could have been like,
man, pull over, you fucking dumb bitch.
You pull over.
That's it.
The cops have the lights.
He's pulling over, you pull over. You guys all said it. You see a cop. You pull over. That's it. The cops have the lights. He's pulling over you pull over
You guys all said it. You see a cop you pull over listen to her. Go ahead play it mush
They put up the black square
oh jay!
i got plenty of room right here
are you only one in the vehicle?
yes! so you're not the only one in the vehicle? Yes! Okay.
Bring it!
So you're not the only one?
Stop right there.
Exactly.
I'm pregnant.
She's using that as a weapon.
If you lose the baby, she's just that.
I bet she's just that.
Probably that.
She's weaponizing your baby.
She's not even born.
I will say this.
My wife got into a car accident when she was pregnant and the two people that she hit tried to
Immediately take advantage of her and like got in her face and all this it started yelling
And I was like eight blocks away and I ran down to see it
And I almost like fought a fucking you know bebop and rocksteady couple
Yeah, they're horrific, but like the cops nobody really cared that she was that like played nothing into it
Which is bizarre
because that is a pretty fragile situation.
Even a little fender bender, she's fucking upside down
with the car smoking and he's tossing remnants
of what was gonna be the crib for her first born.
And she's like, I didn't hear any Karen in there.
Well, hang on, here it comes.
Ready, go play the rest of your bus.
It doesn't matter, man. Karen in there. Yeah, well hang on here comes ready. Good play the rest of the bus. And
it doesn't matter, man.
I got an ambulance coming for you. Nice guy.
Thank you.
All right. Nice guy.
It would be safer to wait until the exit. No, man, you
pull over when all four stops you
Bang stop I could barely see the fucking cop cart with lights wasted a siren next to me
I think that no she's saying I could barely see
because the lights were flashing.
It doesn't matter.
I'm for words in this dumb bitch's man.
That's what she meant.
She's down.
You're right.
She's on Oxy.
Of course she's dumb.
She's a woman.
Why don't we talking about this?
No, all right.
We have to play her on that scale.
Every fight finds a mutual ground.
I just don't think it was a completely necessary,
but I don't wanna come off
as one of these anti-cops.
I'm not either.
I'm not talking about it for me.
I'm talking about it for me.
I'm a full cop.
You guys are a couple of cooks here.
I'm saying this is a little much.
It's all I'm saying.
It's not what she said.
I can barely see the alliance.
You're, she's probably dead.
But she wasn't doing 85 when he flipped her.
84.
And it's a book.
Either way, she was at that point she had slowed down and she had that little, a little,
a little but I think it's, I think it's kind of, I don't know.
I just, here's the problem.
There's a gray area here in New York.
Can I explain something?
It feels black and white to me.
Yeah, he should.
He should go make a race.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh my god.
It's about black people.
It's about white people stop. Okay. Listen, here's the thing. I can put your girls like to do now. It's about black people. It's about white people stop, okay?
Listen, here's the thing,
I can put your Gabby marrying a cop.
A cop?
A cop?
I'm not marrying her cop.
Why did you say,
this is hot cops?
Yeah.
If you met my neighbor,
I met your neighbor in the street.
Remember when we were flirting in the street
and you came outside?
Yeah, that was weird.
That was awesome.
One of us was a black cop, Gabby.
Sure.
Oh, she changed her fucking tune.
This is in Ireland.
She lives in Brooklyn.
No, cops are hot.
Women are hinder, cops.
Cops are hot.
Do they cop good?
Do cops have sex?
I have never cop.
Well, do they?
I have a cop.
Let me add a point.
I had a point and I lost it because we started talking
about Gabby fucking cops
It's a way better topic. It is
Especially you just add a Billy Club you got whatever you want whoa
Bobby Club I think you should he should have shot our fucking tire. Yeah, I'm not put himself in danger
You should have shot her right in the stomach dumb bitch
Roll down the window from next
to her and then through a lit M80 right.
If she was black, he would have believed me.
Just baby parts all over the windshield.
You can't be there in her stomach.
Yeah.
I'm looking so close.
If she loses the baby, it's got she's a sinner.
Yeah.
Well, she's probably not married. So actually in that respect, I agree with Cobb's behavior. baby, it's got she's a sinner. Yeah, well, she's probably not married
So actually in that respect. Yeah, I agree with cops behavior. Well, yeah, yeah, okay
General or whatever they have in this country. I don't know
I know
I swear to God she deserves it when
Oh, Robert I'll tell you what
Well the way she was dressed
Say her name,
say her name.
Here's the thing, I'll tell you what,
when I used to get arrested all the time,
it's because I did illegal shit and I hated the cops
and I wouldn't, then when I got sober
and I got my shit together, I don't,
the cops don't bother me, do you know why?
It's crazy that you were black when you broke the law.
I did, I don't do, I don't do fucking shit for the cops to bother me.
When the cops pull me over, I pull the fuck over.
I take the hit, I put my hands 10 to 2, yes or no, sir.
And yeah, it doesn't feel right.
I know I really want to go fuck you.
I'm trying to get home.
I was doing five miles over the speed of speed and a dick.
And some of them are assholes, they are.
And some of them treat you nicer when they find,
oh, you're Bob Kelly and they get nice.
I understand.
Never happened once.
I was a little bit, it never happened.
It happened, it happened.
It happened on the jersey.
I'm Bob Kelly.
Oh, you're a Bob Kelly.
Get out of the fucking car.
It did happen.
I was talking to Colin Quinn and I said,
do you know Colin Quinn?
He goes, yeah, is that Colin?
Colin got me out of the ticket.
I just went to God.
But no, I understand that.
I haven't had a problem with cops since.
Maybe it's because you look like a cop.
It's 35 fucking years.
I've never had a problem with a cop.
You are right.
On the highway because I don't,
if you pull the fuck over and that's it.
He gives you a ticket,
you and your dumb baby go home and you're minivan with your crib, okay?
If you don't pull over, look, he jumped the gun a little bit.
He jumped that blue.
He was in bad boys three.
He definitely shot out the back window.
That would have been cool.
Mario Kart, yeah.
He threw a turtle shell at her back window, a front flip.
But don't you think she was just got a question mark
under the bridge?
You imagine she just evaded it and was like,
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.
It was ridiculous though.
Why would you not pull the fuck off?
But don't you think she was genuinely trying
to get to the exit to be safe?
She was looking out for the cop.
You don't think that.
You think she was like, I'm gonna flee the scene
by putting on my hazards and moving on for a month.
I think she was the fucking leader of a meth lab
and whatever the count she was, and she had a bunch
of meth in the back.
That crib was made out of meth.
I bet the baby was balloons of heroin.
Yeah, there's a baby.
She's a baby, just kind of Ethiopian
doubt her front butt.
I understand what you're saying.
Her front butt. I don't he's saying. Her front butt.
I don't, I don't, I think she was being an asshole.
She was being an asshole.
Really?
Okay.
You know, you think that was something?
I think she was like, fuck him, I ain't pulling over.
I know what I think.
I think Bobby has invested too much into his side of the argument
and he is just digging deeper and deeper.
We're not winning this.
That is not true.
I am, I am me and column love the blue.
Yeah. I love police too. I know me and Colin love the blue. Yeah.
I love police too.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I have a closer cop.
No, you don't.
I have a closer cop friend than you have.
You do not.
Everybody in my family are cops, and that's why I don't.
My family.
My uncles are cop.
Yeah, I said friend.
You're not friends with your uncle.
I love my uncle.
You text your uncle.
I'll text my buddy.
We'll see who writes back first.
Okay, hang on one second.
Wait, let's get that thing. his uncle must be fucking 75 or something
What does that mean? He's your old no, it's a phone
Okay, I don't know if I hang on hang on his uncle's working right now. He's busy beating up a black guy
Someone else say something
Someone else say something. No, yeah.
I'm a PBA card.
I have a PBA card.
You're right aside, so there's a time delay.
I have a PBA card.
So what?
I got mine, I have to blow anybody.
I am.
I blow my uncle for my PBA card, yes.
Well, he would have given you a two.
He would have given you two.
Oh, he wrote back, bro.
What's up?
Yeah, my uncle already wrote back up.
No, I texted later in the air back.
My uncle wrote back, I love you, bro.
Hey, can I, what's it you, bro?
He goes, you bro?
I wrote him on the podcast. I'm wondering if you're around he wrote yeah
What's up? I wrote trying to figure out whose friend is closer with their cop friend
Yeah, I'll tell them that you're against the cops want you type that in that you hate cops
Hey, are you close enough with your cop friend to send him this?
Don't get that on camera. What was that? I saw it in the TV. That was a no that they wrote that
Peter I saw it in the TV that was a They wrote that Peter
You need me to call in I've seen you naked. Oh, dude. What's the call in it's a state trooper? Yeah
Why do you see naked? Yeah, and ask him his opinion on this say your number a lot video nine one seven seven
We get a call and we have a phone, right?
Why don't just put on some sort of put it up like that?
We're not ready for that.
No way.
We do have a phone line in here.
Oh hell yeah.
We do, but we don't have a phone line.
If I put it up, will he be able to hear us though?
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
We can hear him, he can hear us.
Yeah, call him up.
Listen, you hate the cops.
I'm gonna ask him what he thinks of this.
All right, but let me ask him, not you.
Okay.
You have tone.
Yeah. All right. You got tone. You have tone. You're the toniest tone of all time All right, but let me ask him, not you. You have tone. Yeah. All right.
Yeah.
You got tone.
You have tone.
You're the tony is tone of all.
Yeah, you're like, okay, you're fine.
You're fine.
I'm tone.
I do a lot more toney.
I'm toney, Tony.
Tony Tony tone.
Bitch.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're a tony, the tony.
What?
I don't know.
Great.
Hi,aker.
Hi,aker.
Here we go.
Dave, hold on one second. I'm gonna put you on speaker. Can you hear us?
I can hear you.
Dave, Dave, can you hear me?
You're on with Robert Kelly.
I can hear you.
Dave, how are you doing, buddy?
Listen, I have a good,
do you know the incident with the cop,
with the lady, the pregnant lady, with the minivan?
He clipped it and Arkansas State Trooper.
He said refresh my memory. Yeah, so the, and Arkansas State Troopers. He said refresh my memory.
Yeah, so the, an Arkansas State Trooper pulls a lady over.
She's doing 84 on the highway.
She puts on her hazards.
Oh, you know it.
Okay, do you know the story?
Okay, okay, great.
Now, let me ask you a question.
I'm for the cop.
This chick wouldn't pull over.
She was pulling some fucking holy the Nile high jinks.
I'm not pulling over. I'm
fucking whatever. And he's like, listen, you're doing 85. You're putting other people's lives
at risk now. I need to get you the fuck off the road. He pulled his little pitman over,
maybe a little too early, but I feel like he did the right thing. He was in the right.
And she was in the wrong. A cop puts his sirens on, okay?
And you pull over, shut the car off, hands on 10 to two,
yes or no, sir, and you got no problem.
This is classic.
I do agree with that.
Thank you, David.
She's clearly, she is clearly the wrong, in my opinion.
Thank you.
David, how's your shit friendship now?
Hey, give him my name.
Wait, wait, he's still talking.
Hold on, I'm not hanging up.
Yeah, but Bob got the answer.
He wants that. That's right. Hang up. Hang up. Hang up.
Dave, yes. Do you think she was really trying to flee the scene
by putting her hazards on and pulling into the breakdown lane?
So here and now here, it didn't lay. I mean,
well, lots of videos appear that she was actively pulling into the breakdown lane. I mean, in order't really, I mean, where was the video? It just appeared that she was actively pulling
into the breakdown lane.
I mean, in order for that car to flip,
she's still going pretty fast.
I mean, I've seen Pippin Uvers on video before,
where they, you know, they apply the Pippin Uver
and the car doesn't flip,
it just kind of spins around.
Because she was going too fast.
Her vehicle was top-heavy.
She was definitely not in the process of pulling over.
I think if she had been,
she probably would not have used the equipment over.
Thank you very much.
So what you're saying is this,
Dave, is it my new best friend, Dave?
I'll make sure Joe gives you my number.
We can hang smokes of gars and sit in the backyard.
I'll put a blue flag up, we'll have fun.
Because I love the police.
Yeah.
Whoa. If she, if she, Dave, if she, I'll put a blue flag up, we'll have fun. Because I love the police. Yeah. Okay.
If she, if she, if she, if she,
Dave, if she, if she,
This is reading like,
Kumi is Twitter.
I wish this was still in Zoom.
If she, you want to,
you can fund these son of a bitch.
She was going to sign a paper.
The reason we were calling Dave
is to prove that I'm closer with my state trooper friend,
that you are with your bullshit municipal mall
company. My my it's my own pop it's on so close. I got like a real life. My my uncle's right
now. You want this? You're calling him. What kind of cop is he? This is a trooper. Huh? Yeah,
what is Sean? Huh? Sean. He's gonna listen. You truth. You're listening, you're on my podcast right now.
Oh, right.
Because I was telling my friends that me and you,
we got a close relationship, right?
Wait, can I ring?
Wait a minute, listen, Sean, listen,
I'm telling my friends that me and you,
like, you know, you're my favorite uncle,
you're a cop and we're close, right?
Yeah, you want me money.
Oh, I don't know you money.
How much are that?
How much are that?
Shit.
All right, listen.
Whoa, he doesn't care at all.
Yeah, you don't care at all, Scott.
You know what, you're really throwing me
under the bus, you know.
It's almost like this guy's related to you.
You're friends stinks, my friend rules.
This is my uncle, my he doesn't stink.
What kind of cop are you?
What is it a podcast?
Is it like AA or something?
No, it's not AA.
It's kind of like that.
All right, listen, I'll talk to you later.
You fucking stalker.
I'll talk to you later, John.
Bye.
I have never heard somebody less impressed.
Don't you think you're a better cop than that guy Dave?
Yo, I don't know what he is, but I mean...
He works with, he's a campus cop with tough police.
Wow.
Didn't they, one of them die?
What?
One of them got shot in the terrorist, wasn't that toughs?
Yeah.
No, that was MIT.
Yep, MIT.
MIT.
Yes, MIT.
All right, Dave, well, I appreciate your service.
Night, the two.
Good man.
I appreciate you, Joe, and you're a good friend.
Dave, can I talk to Dave for one second, please?
Yes, sure.
Can I see the phone?
Dave, Dave.
Yes.
Listen, dude, I don't think he likes cops.
Okay.
I think he really, I think me and you should probably,
I'm what you guys do on behind you
He actually he signed that defund the police thing Bobby Dave's a liberal
Yeah, I'm a liberal too listen that he is
I respect you and what he does is say to you when he hangs up with you really republic a Dave be safe tonight I'd be safe out there, okay?
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Wow, your uncle hates you.
Yeah, he doesn't really like you.
Awesome.
What is a podcast, eh?
Or something.
All right.
Nobody cares.
Do I owe him money?
I don't know if I owe him money.
Like I'm your fucking third dad's father.
Brother, why would I care?
Is that his accent?
I don't know.
I don't know. I think do I owe my, I know I don't.
Don.
Do we owe, I'm gonna show him money.
Do we pay him?
I think we paid him.
Who do you mean you think?
I just got called out on the podcast.
Do we owe him money?
By who?
By Sean
Do we still know I don't think I make the money you
Dispense the money I hand you the check remember I go out tell some dick jokes and you go
Where's the check and then you take it and you put it in the thing?
All right, can you find out please,
you're live on the podcast by the way.
Yeah, I'll find out, but okay, I'll find out.
Okay, thank you, and if we do, can we pay him?
Yes.
Okay, imagine she's like, I don't know.
Oh, ask if you have my t-shirt money
from the List of Mania shirts.
Oh yeah.
We never got that, oh, I gave you that money.
Ah, maybe, I don't know.
I just didn't ask, goodbye, I never got that. Oh, didn't we, I gave you that money. Ah, maybe, I don't know. I, he's an asshole.
Goodbye, I love you, bye.
You son of a bitch, I paid how'd you that money.
I am like, die, I feel like I smell like little,
be whole.
Is it hot?
Do I stink?
But I like it, fuck it, let's just get hot.
I can't smell since I had the process.
Oh, soaked.
You still can't smell?
I still can't smell.
Wow, it's funny, because you do smell.
Yeah.
Woo, that didn't, that sucked.
I sucked today, I'm sick of it. Hey, hey, let me take that fucking bomb, man, Dan. I stick that on funny because you do smell. Yeah. Woo. That didn't. That sucked. I sucked today. I'm sick.
Hey, guys, I'm gonna take that fucking bomb and down. I stick that on your mic and suck it.
Yeah. My armpits are like Gabby at a poetry.
Well, you weren't a flammie.
You fucking from my asshole.
No, opening.
I still open a poetry.
I stepped on you.
Gabby, great joke.
Fight by the way. I saw Gabby video. She broke. She is not strong.
I don't know if strong, but you have snapped to your your fast. Deft dog, great joke. You can fight by the way, I saw Gabby video. She could throw. She has a snap.
I'm fit to say strong.
I don't know if strong, but you have snap to your,
your fast.
I'm strong fast.
And your knuckles are razors.
I don't know about your sex life.
What, what are you saying that Gabby's strong?
She's got snap, like she can fucking whip a punch.
I'm very good at boxing.
Yeah, she, you see the video?
I, first of all, she could tune you up.
She would, I'll fight her tomorrow. She'd pepper your fuck. tune you up. I she would I'll fight it
Amar she pepper your why not today I will I will busy but she's a pepper you so I'll fight it right now
I'll punch her right in the gut and knock it with right out of it. Nice. I'll I would love that
Many fan she'll pepper you and if you hit her it's assault yes, there you go. Yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yes
Knows about salt and pepper. Do you really think you could take me? No.
I think I'm faster than you and quicker.
I mean, yes.
So yes, I've got it eating.
It would be very Johnny Knoxville versus Butterbean
in a department store.
Which one am I?
Ah.
Ah.
You would like a full-of-the-nice fill.
You would like a full-of-the-nice fill.
There's no way she could take me.
I think in a boxing map with rules. If you had to go, like, you got to go. What rules? You can't grab her.
I can't grab her.
I can't grab her.
You can't grab her.
I can't grab her.
You're not allowed to.
You can't keep me.
I think you would just do the Logan Paul, though,
and just rest on her for most of the round.
I genuinely think you'd have a hard time connecting.
I think Gabby could move.
Oh, yeah. I want some stuff.
I would grab her and punch her right in her face.
Right, grab.
Great tactics.
You have the mitten gloves, so you can't grab.
You're like, Jason Streets.
No, I would have the UFC gloves.
I'd have the four rounds gloves.
I grab her and I punch her right in her gut.
Whoa.
But I would really like to see.
I'd hit her left tip so it'd swell up.
But I feel like she's't have a strong core.
She could probably absorb your punches.
Yeah, she I've or six back.
I just really want to see Gabby's box.
Yeah, yeah.
Gabby's midsection.
I think if I connected with Gabby's midsection, I could punch directly through her spine.
So what?
Why do you think?
I want to know.
Gab, column, do you think that go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, is that Bobby, Bobby, you just need to stand for a while. You need to run, go have a run.
Show in the tail.
Yeah, stand there.
Yeah, I'll just dip and dodge, you know.
Just keep running around.
Look at Gabby's reach.
She's a fucking octopus.
Yeah.
She's a fucking octopus.
Yeah, but she's on laf.
Dull seam arms.
Look at her little bone in your arm.
It would go to point.
You'd have to knock her out.
I would knock her out in the first round.
But she's quick.
Look at her.
If you connected, it would be obviously bad for Gabby.
She'd be finished.
Yeah, yeah.
I do think there would be a low percentage chance
of you laying a finger on her.
You're out of your mind.
What is she fucking a ninja?
I think she's really fast.
I'm pretty good.
And look at the small target.
She's like a fucking human grasshopper.
I was, how are you doing?
Oh, you're sick.
Bobby, Bobby, what?
Throw a quick jab right now.
A jab?
Yeah.
And right in the face. I said quick, quick jab right now. A jab? Yeah.
Yeah.
And right in the face.
I said quick quick quick quick.
I just heard Apple.
I just saw you hyper extend to your heart.
I saw you hyper extend to your heart.
Pull up the video of what's in it?
Gabby.
Yeah.
You're talking about me not one of them.
Well where is it?
Where is it?
I don't know.
It's on Instagram.
I saw it somewhere.
Maybe it was in a story or did it make the feed?
Oh, it was a story.
I have it on my phone.
Put it up on your feed right now.
Throw it on the story so we'll go to it.
Yeah, maybe it's a tasteful news while you're at it.
Yeah, tasteful news.
Just hold my phone away.
Oh, really?
I want to ask about that stupid,
there was another one too, there was the Jake Paul,
no, Aaron, what's his name?
Logan was against Lloyd.
Jake Paul is the just bad guy.
And they just had Aaron, what's his Carter fight somebody?
Lamar Odom.
Lamar Odom, who his body after
retirement, he looks like the
coffee making aliens from men in
black.
It's like the most upsetting post
sports body I've seen because
it's not fat.
It's just like, it's just droopy.
But that was ridiculous that
fight. I watched it.
And he's just chasing him around.
Shame on you.
Shame on you for watching. I watched it on YouTube today. Oh, okay. Then chasing him around. Shame on you. Shame on you for watching.
I watched it on YouTube today.
Oh, okay.
Then pay for it.
But shame on you, don't shame me.
And I thought it was just ridiculous.
I mean, this is all a scam to make money, correct?
Yeah, it's working.
You mean the podcast?
Especially, but this is a secret.
Everybody's a hatred on it.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, Lewis is for sure gonna have
a gas digital boxing something.
Yeah, he's fighting the dude.
He's fighting Ellis.
Yeah, Jeffrey Lebowski.
Nice.
Oh, yeah.
He's fighting Jason Ellis, right?
And Jason, that's a real fight though.
That's gonna be bad.
That's gonna be a real fight.
We said this last time that Lewis, I don't know anything about Jason Ellis.
He's like a real fighter.
I know, but Lewis trains all day.
He's a little crazy and he's big and strong.
I don't know Jason Ellis.
He sounds like a book.
Jason Ellis is a, no, he's not.
He's actually real, dangerous.
He's very dangerous.
He's like a pro.
Didn't he have a real pro fight?
But he hasn't fought in a long time.
He does train, but he's not training as much as Lewis.
I don't think, because I fall both of them
on social media.
I see Jason having a lot of fun doing his show,
and I see Lewis just in the gym.
I mean, my, first of all, my kid went to Lewis's
house on Sunday with James, and he wound up getting choked up
by fucking Lewis's ex-girlfriend Kim.
They wound up just doing Jiu-jitsu and a garage.
Fun.
Kim's fighting, I think.
Is she fighting?
Yeah.
Who?
Fighting?
She's doing a professional fight.
What?
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Yeah, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a blue bell,
the purple bell.
I don't know.
Lewis tried to spar me last time I saw him at the gym.
Yeah, he sparsed me to the unpleasant.
Yeah, I said no, no, no.
Scary.
I like it.
He's scary though.
He's a wide-hipped piece of shit.
I'm not a trust him.
I feel like you do crazy scratches and shit.
Yeah, he's Puerto Rico.
No, he's not a scratch guy.
He is definitely a subtly hump your leg guy.
Well, I watched Lewis and Diego sparring, and they go at it.
I spar with Diego, and I'm like, yeah, we're doing it. And Like I spar with Diego and I'm like,
yeah, we're doing it.
And then he hits me and I'm like,
whoa, you really nailed me.
And he's like, I haven't hit you, you fucking idiot.
But then him and Lewis, like really spar,
but Lewis got in a couple good shots on Diego,
which is not easy.
Yeah, I actually, I remember me in Colin Keith
and Dove David off after the cello one night,
went to Crunch Gym because they had a boxing gym.
They have a ring and they have a timer that goes off,
three minutes, one minute.
And we went down there and we put gloves on,
we fought for real.
And it was just dope.
No, he was just all right, jab.
No, this is all long.
Oh, this is prime key.
He's got his arm down like Floyd, but he can't move it.
I hit Colin.
I remember Colin was ducking down.
So we had no mouth guards in other way.
He came in like ducking and he came up
and I hit him right in the stomach.
He said,
and then Dove came over and he was like,
Bobby, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't hit too hard.
And I cracked him in the fucking face and chipped his tooth.
Oh, and I cracked him in the fucking face and chipped his tooth. Oh, and dove went, hey, chipped my tooth,
and lit me the fuck up.
I just wanna, like, stab me with a dives.
Well, that's what's hard with, like,
sparring because you're like, we're gonna go 60% or 40%
but it's hard to keep that and then you want your speed.
So then your speed automatically, you start all of a sudden
hit the other person, you need someone that has the control
to not just fucking hammer you back.
Look, boxing is great, but getting hit back,
it's a different fucking ball game.
As soon as I remember this guy way back in the day
when I was like 2021, this guy taught me,
he was a boxer, he took me, taught me how to box,
would take me to a gym every day
and how we just do shadow boxing,
and then I hit the bag, and then I do sit-ups,
and all this stuff.
Finally, I was like, dude, this is like two months into it.
I'm like, I want a fucking box.
And he was like, you want a box?
Okay, great.
Tomorrow, meet me at the Gleason High School parking lot.
It was like a hot 10 out.
He brought head gear, we're in a parking lot
in a fucking school. Why? And he goes, let's go. And I like a hot 10 out. He brought head gear. We're in a parking lot in a fucking school.
Why?
And he goes, let's go.
And I start fucking whacking him.
I'm like, whack, whack, boom, boom, boom.
And he goes, okay, you ready?
I go, yeah, what do you mean I'm ready?
He went to funk, hit me in the head.
I just dropped the gloves.
I get it, I'm out.
I never talked to him again.
I've never seen that guy again.
That guy's insane.
I've never talked to him again.
I was like, this is a different thing.
Yeah, it's also, it's maybe the most
taxing thing you could do because I boxed my buddy
in a backyard and we did like five, one minute rounds.
And I think we both dropped gloves at four.
We were like, that's fucking it.
But I broke his nose and he knocked me down.
And then my friends, dad, like we're like 19.
And my friends, dad came out and was like,
this is my property.
And if any of you get injured,
I'm fucked, get the fuck outta here.
But I was in great college basketball shape,
and I was gassed ready to throw up.
Like boxing is a awful different thing, man.
But when you do it, the most taxing thing you can do
is listen to Mike's album.
What a knockout.
Oh, how's it going?
Oh, no, it's... What is your album name How's it going?
No, it's...
What is your album name, by the way?
I don't remember.
You don't remember Albs, then?
I do.
I think it just kicked in, followed by life begins,
followed by the world shutting down.
What the fuck is that?
How many times have I had to do that?
You have three albums?
No, the world shutting down just happened right after life begins.
I don't understand.
What's your album?
Life begins.
So life begins is your album.
That was my special into an album.
Okay, but your album is what?
Life begins.
And then I think it just kicked in was my first one.
I don't understand what's happened.
No, we're all shut down.
The world shutting down is going to be your next album.
That might be, yeah.
That's a good one.
I put shut down right now.
Yeah, I do.
I hope the comedy club you tape it and shuts down.
I'm gonna film it right here again.
You have them album too, right?
No.
Okay, good.
You got an album.
I got several albums.
I did the photo art of Joe's album.
What do you mean?
Really?
Yeah, remember?
The first one, the Bob Dylan one.
What was that one called? What did you do, a cover album?
Nice try.
Oh yeah, you did that.
Something around there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I shot it.
I shot it, put some stripes on the guy.
I even, I smoothed out the door knob.
Yeah, that was canned.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
God, I was thinking of the new one and I was like, you did.
I got three.
The one that Mike helped on is horrible.
It's a piece of shit.
But it's worth listening to to see how much it sucks.
It's called So Far No Good.
And there's, are you mad at me?
That one a lot better.
And then, Bobby, did we end it?
No, I'm not, I'm sorry.
Mike, can you stop with that shot
and go to the other shots more?
Stop, he's using the one shot,
I don't like it too much, the wide shot.
And the third one, close up.
It's called, I hate myself.
We just hit four million views on this,
yeah.
Yeah, so good. Yeah, four what? Million. Jesus Christ called I hate myself. We just hit four million views on Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,, but then you treat him like a brother, yeah, it's a fucking piece of shit.
You know, brother?
Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah.
All right, well, there you go.
You don't have an album yet.
No.
Nothing. All right, well, don't get mad at me
because you didn't work hard enough.
I didn't get fucking mad at you.
All right, well, you see mad.
I'm not, that's the face.
That's just, yeah.
Thank you, Gavin.
I appreciate it in my face.
All right.
But no, I didn't get mad.
You got sensitive for some reason.
Yeah, I get sensitive when people get mad at me.
Yeah, what?
What?
What'd you say?
I don't know.
Fucking asshole.
I love you.
I love you too.
I love you too.
I came back from the Hampshire today.
I was in the Hampshire last night on my land.
Oh, that's right.
It's a cool thing to say on my land.
Let me tell you. It's so jealous's right. It's a cool thing to say on my land. It let me show you.
So jealous of that.
It really is cool.
I was sitting there looking at this big 200 year old tree
and I'm like, I own this.
You're like, I can't wait to fucking mo that down.
I do have to cut this.
I have to cut this girl down.
She has to go.
That is a widow maker.
Oh, oh yeah.
It's right in the line of my,
where we're putting the tiny home.
Yeah, and my buddy, that happened to my buddy.
He bought a house in New City, Rockland,
nice house, first purchase ever,
right before COVID, all that stuff.
Within the first week of them moving in a tree fell
during that, oh, during Christmas,
when the big blizzard fell and just crushed the front
of the house and it's still tarped up,
they're waiting for all these people
to get their shit together for the money.
And you can't get builders right now.
I know.
There's no lumber right now.
There's no supplies right now.
So they're fucked.
They're fucked.
So yeah, that's my biggest fear.
And there's one of the trees actually,
when I showed up this time,
there was a tree that came down
and it's one of those where the roots come with it.
And you just see the earth's history.
You know what I'm saying? It's just like, he's like, what the fuck is that?
And I'm gonna have to cut down a lot of fucking trees.
And I didn't want to because I was like,
we'll just put it right in here with the trees.
Do you have a design of the tiny home that you can show us?
Yeah, go to tiny homes of Maine, mush,
and go to the, this company's great.
I love these people too.
Go to the, what the fuck is the name of mine?
I forget.
What the fuck is the name of it?
Oh, you know what dude homes?
No, no.
They have mine up there on the Instagram.
Go to the Instagram mush.
Tiny Homes of Main Instagram.
It's, here it is right here.
Fancyword for a trailer.com.
No, get him.
It's a, pick that one, Bobby.
Alligash is the name of mine.
Gash, here.
Yeah, alligant.
It's gonna stop us.
What did you say?
Alligant?
Okay, there you go.
Give him the credit.
Yeah, go to, yeah, there it is right there with a plane.
Oh, nice.
Oh, you get a plane too?
Is that your plane?
I get you to get a plane with every home.
Well, I'll give you props.
Hello.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, the truth.
Go to the video down below of the aligash.
That's nice.
Scroll down.
Is there a video mush?
Yeah, right there.
See the one, the video to the left.
Does it come furnished?
Right there. No. I don't want that furniture. Right, right there. See the one, the video to the left. Does it come furnished? Right there.
No.
I don't want that furnished yet.
Right there.
Wow.
That's actually my house.
Wow.
That's amazing.
That's fucking cool.
How much does that cost?
It only costs, I think it's like 80 grand.
I want to buy a tiny one.
Look at that.
Upstairs is max is loft.
That one's our sleeping loft.
Well, he's going to hear you guys fucking.
And watch.
He's up balcony seats for you guys fucking. He's gonna hear you guys fucking watch. He's a balcony seats for you guys fucking.
He's got the theater binoculars. That's gonna be the living room. It's not only over to the fat lady things or Bobby comes. Yeah. Yeah. That looks amazing. You're lucky. She hates me. It's
beautiful right? What's the kitchen look like? Is there a kitchen? Yeah, that starts in the kitchen.
No, there is. There is is go to the next one mush
There's another video of the bathroom and the kitchen. I want to buy the same home do to what do you mean the same one get your own
What the fuck you doing it will be my own?
I'm not saying I'm gonna buy yours. That's it. That's the front of it right there
Beautiful homes giant face. I go down. Oh, that's me right there. What you're on their Instagram. I yeah, well, yeah, there it is
There's my kitchen right there dude right there to the left the bottom left
Right there. That's it. No knock a hundred bucks off. I'll do an IG TV advertising
Yeah, they're great. Well, that's not mine actually. That's what it looks like though. There's a full bathroom shower toilet
Can I get that one? Is that all right? Yeah, that one's fine. I scroll out of that mush.
I'll get a different one.
Yeah, they have all kinds of stuff.
There's the bathroom right there.
Nice.
Yeah, wash a dryer.
We're gonna all this stuff, man.
Yeah, it's pretty nice, but the good thing about it
is you go to buy a house, even a pre-fabbed out or a trailer.
Those are a fucking $150,000, $60,000 for a trailer.
For a pre-fabbed house is $25350.
And they look like shit.
That's a nice little thing.
They look like Lego houses.
Right.
Like you could tell, they're like,
they're like, monopoly-
They're like, together.
Yeah, I mean, I told you this,
but I want like, I've been looking at Facebook marketplace
for like an old school bus for two grand,
because I'm like, I to turn that into something.
Van life. Yeah, dude. I want to make it like either a roving failing content studio or you know,
oh my god, my in-laws. If you don't fucking get that on Twitter right now, roving failing content.
This is this is comedy in 2021. I'm really thinking about buying an old shitty bus to live in. Yeah.
But I want one of those homes.
Does it have a septic system or is it a bad thing?
Well, you can get it when you buy it.
You can tell them you want a compost toilet,
which are fucking great, by the way, they just...
You shit on a pile?
No.
You're shit on some leaves.
No, it goes into like the system.
And it burns it and puts it into a bag every three weeks.
You take the thing out the bag
and you can throw it in your tomato patch
and grow shit tomatoes.
Roe weed.
Yeah, I can make fucking lettuce with my wife's poop.
But that one, you can actually just get electricity.
You can get rainwater and you can just be off the grid.
Or you can just get plugged in by the city,
and everything's great.
Or you're doing, what do we do?
Because my wife was like, there's no way I'm shitting
in a compost toilet, it's not happening.
So it's very expensive, you have to get a well,
you have to get a fucking leech field in a...
Oh, leech field?
Yeah, it's... And you have to get a septic... A sept a... Oh, leech field? Yeah, it's um...
And you have to get a septic...
Medical procedures?
No, septic, you need a leech field for the stuff
to go in and out and back into the...
It's weird, fucking pee and stuff like that.
But it's expensive and it's a pain in the ass
and that's why I had to go up there yesterday
to price out...
The guy I actually bought the land off of
is this great guy.
He's so fucking cool.
I love him. He's so fucking cool. I love him.
He's so no hamster.
Yeah, I was telling him,
what if they don't approve like the plans?
He goes, they will.
They don't fuck with me.
I was like, I love you.
Exactly who I want to fuck.
Oh, it terrifying me.
Oh, he's like, I don't, they don't fuck with me.
I was like, oh my God, that means they did.
Yeah.
And now they don't.
See, I'm such a pussy that whenever I run into like men like that,
I fear that eventually I'll just have to hand them my things.
Like, I could do nothing.
It's like, I built this for you.
Give me your house.
I'd just be like, whatever, dude, God,
I'd think the keys, fuck my wife.
What, how far away is this place?
I want to do this.
Can I be buddies with you?
You know where the white mountains are in Hampshire?
Yes, but they're big.
It's, how far though? I was gonna tell this, can I be buddies with you? You know where the white mountains are in Hampshire? Yes, but they're big. It's, how far though?
I was gonna tell you, from here, from my house,
it's four hours and 20 minutes.
Okay, so it's four hours and 20. Four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, is the worst. It fucking sucks because most pot heads,
I smoke a pot every single day,
and I'm not like my least iron.
You did it today though.
Yeah, I did.
You did before here?
Yeah, why wouldn't I?
When you take, what'd you take on the podcast
that time that you just sucked on the show?
Oh, I took an edible.
Oh, that's because I forgot I was in the program.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I took five minutes in, it was just him going,
huh, I literally was eyes closed, kind of like,
this is fun.
I hid behind my microphone when Colin was yelling at Vos.
Yeah, Colin started yelling at Vos, it was hilarious.
And he's just like this.
Vos, I'm like,
I'll tell you something, you fucking.
Maybe he didn't want to get spit on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I don't like weed culture either.
Sucks.
Yeah, it's kind of a, it's kind of annoying.
The guy with the leaf on his head.
Yeah.
Dude, even beyond that, it's like, it's kind of gone away from what pot is, because pot
for me is actually like created a bit of empathy.
I no longer judge.
I'm not the Irish Catholic cunt.
I grew up to be.
It's expanded my ability to love people.
But now, you know the reason I hate pot.
But no, the worst, that also.
But the worst part about pot now is like,
I do this show called Mike Takes Edibles,
where I take an edible and then I check it.
Oh, there it is.
There's the plug.
But that's why we're on this topic.
But good stuff.
People comment like, you're only taking 200 milligrams,
you fucking pussy, I take a thousand before I meet my, you know, my priest.
And it's like, what the fuck?
Like this isn't supposed to be it.
It's not an alpha dick measuring competition
of who could send themselves de Pluto,
the fastest and hardest.
Right, you know?
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, I always felt that way with like,
is it?
Yeah.
When I was drinking, we would do like drinking games
and people would be like, you look
drink and I was like, I'm drinking anyways.
I never understood the idea of like, oh, you got a six.
You got to finish your beer.
I'm like, I already finished three while you were dealing.
It all done and now I'm looking for Coke.
I drink it on a punishment to me.
That's what I'm here to do.
When you play a beer pong and it's almost like you have to wait for fuck.
I'm like, oh yeah. No, you got a table beer. You got to have a table. Yeah
Yeah, I'd rather play ski ball and blackout. Yeah, yeah, sure and that's why you're sober
But it was fun two and a half years dog really yeah, you're sober. No, but yeah, no, folks. We never spoke we at night though
I'm not like handling my child, you know while seeing a kaleidoscope
But you still the problem is this if something happens with a child
If your wife calls you goes I was just tipped over on the highway by a police officer
Yeah, and and your son Joey was like giggling. Yeah, yeah, I can snap to real quick
I mean, my, my
brother, I love cast out in the middle of a foo fighters concert while I was on mushrooms
and I willed him back to consciousness and carried him out, got him into into the infirmary
in the middle of MSG, tripping balls. And then when I got to finally meet up with him,
which was like an hour later. So I'm even more in the full swing of the hallucination. Guess who was working as an EMT?
Fucking J.R. from the comic strip. Oh, wow.
I literally walked into the hospital in the in the garden. The one of the doctors was
telling two men that he couldn't force them, but they needed to go to the hospital because
they were currently having a heart attack. They both turned him down. They're like, no,
no, we're good, we're good.
And then I turn and literally right here
in full EMT costume is Jay-O.
Costume.
Yeah, and he's like, what's up, dude?
Yeah, you know, brother-in-law,
I don't think he's gonna make it.
Maybe you're like tripping though.
No, man, I saw Lucian Holt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, back to the chase, was it?
And he was a doctor, man.
And he, before I'm surgery on my brother get the fight I promise I
Bet you both passed out by the way the infirmary did you see them at Ellis?
I've said that every time I told that story did you get deloused before you I don't know what that is
That's what they did to people they threw the fucking shit on the deloused
Oh when they throw the white shit on,
all those people coming off the boat.
Oh, I throw a white shit on my wife's face.
Ah!
We're gonna watch.
What do you mean?
Yeah.
Explain yourself.
You come on my wife's face.
No, no.
You're naming his hand and true, right?
Oh, I see.
Look at the blood.
Multiple migs. I just don't like the pot stuff.
I look at, here's the thing.
Yeah.
The amount of pot that people do is fucking nuts to me.
Yeah.
And that you're getting fucked up and you do have a child
in the house if something, I know you're,
I will myself back from the fucking depths.
I know you think.
Like, do you not take it?
Yeah.
Exactly.
I've just knocked out and I'm fucking pop up.
Yeah.
I'm up.
But I want to make it clear, if I'm alone with my kid,
I'm not like eating a hundred milligrants
and then have a good time.
What are you doing at one more time?
Right now.
It's real like that.
I just enjoyed that.
Oh, nice.
I even tried to bite it out of your hand and it wasn't real. That was a
good improv right there. What if you guys, what can I get one? Call up the best
chewing. No, no, shout the cabbages. You guys could be the new Siphon will. I can't
have a hot. You need to relax on these's a candy. He's a candy. He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy.
He's a candy. He's a candy. He's a candy. He's a candy. He's a candy. you know what dude. No, but I will do on the extra uh, patriotic will do improv. Uh, we'll do some
improv. I'll tell us how's that sound. I like that. You
are you have an improv background. Do you not? I actually
I started an improv. Me, Dan Cook, a J Hall and
uh, Alda Manny. Yes. Started an improv. Basically,
I have two of them. Alan the chipmunks. We
Alan the no, not in the chipmunks, you fuck face, Al and the monkeys.
Is that what made him move to another country?
Oh, Al, didn't he move somewhere?
Doesn't he live in like,
Oh, he lives in Australia.
Yeah, yeah, New Zealand.
That's a good thing.
I've got a travel tattoo right now.
He's doing a haka.
Yeah, we actually just went, my friend did improv
at Topps University and we were like,
The top friend is doing improv? No, that was my uncle. Oh, but also Tufts. There was Tufts, we went at Tufts University and we were like... The top friend is doing improv?
No, that was my uncle.
Oh, but also Tufts.
There was Tufts.
We went to Tufts because it was in Medford.
That's where we were all going on.
And we went and watched an improv group.
We watched my friend do improv.
And we just...
Were they a part of the university?
They were, it was a product, it was cheap socks.
And it was Tufts University's improv tough, tough universities in Prove Group.
So you just watched a gaggle of autistic kids
try to do comedy?
No, we watched this improv group,
there were like actors, whatever,
and we just stole everything that they did.
Nice.
And we did it in a talent show at Bunkhill Community College.
Oh, you're like,
and we won.
I was the greatest hit because it was this one girl
who was this chubby girl,
and she showed up in this blue dress with ruffles,
like almost like a 19-20s type of lace,
and she was an opera singer.
That's so hot.
And she was amazing.
She came out, she just sang this beautiful song,
like, oh, and everybody was like, wow,
but then we came out and did a bunch of fucking dick jokes
in the place with nuts and she lost and remember she was crying
I felt bad because she definitely should have won first place. She wrote her own
Right, how did you steal the improv?
You like give me a profession and they were like doctor and you will we stole the the lifeguard
We stole the game they're called games. Yeah, yeah, improv we stole their games. We just did the games that they did all improv
It's just the same. Yeah, I get we just yeah, we just their games. We just did the games that they did. All improv is just the same. Yeah, fucking
I get we just yeah, we just watch them and we just did what the fuck they
did. You know what I mean? And I want to work out and then we made a career out of
it for three years. Nice. And then somebody saw a day and and
shocked him off. I went right and then everybody just fucking felt victim
to that. And then one guy wants to become a fucking, you know, some type of dude
that is staying in Al went his way and then one guy went to become a fucking, you know, some type of dude at a staying in Al went his way.
And then one man started Twitter.
I did, I started podcasting in Twitter,
social media, not Twitter, social media.
You're right, my bad.
Anyways, all right, well listen, mush, where are we at, dude?
We are at an hour.
All right, well listen, Joe, what do you got?
What's your website?
Where are you playing?
Are you back full?
I'm back, I just was in Des Moines, Funny Bone,
it was great and next, whatever, June 24th to 26th,
I'm at the Comedy Club of Kansas City,
which is new-ish. I hear it's amazing.
Is it amazing?
That's what I heard.
Because they have the Improv in Kansas City.
Yes.
And this is different.
This is the new cool club, I guess.
I don't know. I'm at the Comedy Club of Kansas City,
June 24th to the 26th.
And then I got nothing for a bit after that,
but maybe I have something,
I'm doing the Nantucket comedy festival.
But any Jews, I have a podcast called Two Days With Stories,
our Patreon's like insane,
we're making like the TV show basically on our Patreon.
All right, relax.
And then I got...
I hate people like you.
Joe and Ronan talk movies, a fun...
I think they're a career into their own hands. Whoa! I do, I hate people like you. Joe and Ron on talk movies, a fun. Is there a career into their own hands?
Whoa.
I do.
I hate people like that.
Yeah, and you're a fucking cop hater.
I'm sorry.
Ron on is so funny.
He's so funny.
One of the best comics is movie opinions are terrible,
but that's what makes it fun.
And then I'm mindful Metal Jacket also,
which Mike's been on and you've been on
Gabby and Column, never will be on,
but it's a great podcast.
It's really, no, I'm sure.
I don't want to be on.
I'd love to have both of you guys.
I would love to hear Colle,
thoughts on mental health.
No way.
Just a classic Irish.
You don't have to just don't talk about it.
Fuck a buried, yeah.
That's no to over.
You walk around the room loud.
You know you're mad.
You punch things.
You're competing and then you
play the bagpipe, send your body.
Put it against the fridge and punch around your head.
So she'll remember the dents.
I don't do that anymore, okay?
I've grown a lot.
Do you believe in therapy?
Probably for some fucking losers, but not this fucking perfect man.
Whoa.
Has nothing to talk about.
I do not believe in therapy.
And I don't know, I don't,
I don't know what it is really.
You just sort of complain about your life, is it?
I don't know.
As Joe, he has a podcast on it.
My life was fine.
So I don't think I have much to talk about.
Your life is fine?
It was.
What about your career?
What?
When it starts, I'll let you know.
But what do you say was? What happened?
Did something happen?
It's not the problem.
It's like if you're a dad beat you, you go to the fucking shrink and you go,
oh, it wasn't your fault.
Did your dad beat you?
Simple as that.
A little bit, but not like, fucking, didn't scarm me.
Just a traditional amount.
Like, what?
All right.
No, I know exactly.
You're gonna be the traditional amount of alcohol.
I fucking love alcohol. What's the traditional novel?
Do you feel safe in your day to day life?
Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Do you feel safe with us?
You guys, yeah.
Really?
Right now?
There is a snorkel to Gollum that looks like, yeah, I feel safe.
Yeah, you're cocks on it.
I'll fuck your mother in the face.
Ask him in these Bollocks questions.
What's that?
So you've never gone to a therapist you've never...
No, I did have a cop assigned me to a therapist when I was a kid.
Why?
I was caught stealing shit and then they were like,
oh, you need to go to therapy.
And then I showed up to the cop shop and then the guy was like 20 minutes late so I just left
and that was it and that was the end of my fucking process.
Well, that sounds like a bad therapist.
Yeah, what?
Yeah, they should be a police station.
What's, the cop was like,
you need to go to therapy as a guy.
Did your father ever talk to you about,
like, if you had a problem?
Never.
What if he had a problem?
No.
Son, please come in.
Being your mom had a fucking day of days.
Oh.
No, not your dad, you.
Yeah, you.
You.
Have you ever heard a story about your father's life from him?
Like, that dawned on me recently that I don't think I know anything about my dad from
my dad.
No.
Wow.
I know too much.
Yeah.
No, my dad. You had to lovely upbringing. My dad has never called me one time, ever, literally.
Never contacted me once in my entire life.
That's fucking outrageous.
Listen, you're doing fine.
I'm doing fine, but it's a lot of therapy
and meditation and anal and stuff like that.
Yeah.
What would he say?
What's up?
Yeah, I hear I was just like,
Oh, my buddy buddy Steve. Is this
a telemarketer or real? Teller. Hello. DT. We've been trying to reach you from the
Alistair Service Direct concerning your car's extended warranty. Wow. You should have
received something in the mail. I hate them. I was with Steve Rogers. This is a wonderful
guy. He has a huge cock. Yes, stump.
Yeah, big giant dick.
Have you seen him or his wife?
The girlfriend talked to him.
I swam with him recently and he made me suck it.
But it's...
He gets calls from his...
And Jason Canner's like this too,
who's fucked up in a different way evidently.
But he'll get calls and he's just like,
oh yeah, no, oh, that's great.
Oh, I was watching Ace from Turro.
Okay, well, they talk about a movie they watch. They have a good laugh and then they check in. He said, it ends with, I's great. Oh, I was watching Ace Ventura. Okay, well, they talk about a movie they watch,
they have a good laugh, and then they check in.
He said, it ends with, I love you.
I love you too.
It's great.
Blue my fucking mind.
Yeah.
Well, I knew my first father, we had a relationship,
and then we had a falling out when I moved to New York
because him and my sister got in a fight,
and my mother got involved,
and told me some shit, so I sided with my sister. But I never called him and my sister got in a fight and my mother got involved and told me some shit
so I sided with my sister.
But I never called him and said,
did you say that?
I just was like, fuck you.
Yeah.
Done move, because my mom, you know,
I love my mom, but she's a master manipulator
and she'll try, she'll like plant seeds.
She's still like, what are you gonna be a hairdresser?
It's like, I'm not, do I'm 50.
I made my choice. I'm doing dick jokes
I'm doing this she wants me to come on just do old ladies hairs in the fucking garage with her
Anyways, um, I
But he used to tell me stories. We used to talk he told me a Vietnam story man. Oh my nice
We he told me he told me the and it's actually found an article about it. No shit. His first night in
Vietnam, he was fucking shit in his pants and they they said they made him go on the on the line
and it was it was he said that they were like they're coming tonight. The vehicles coming tonight.
It was he said they were like they're coming tonight the via comments coming tonight
It's they may not go on the what the perimeter. It's not hilarious that like it's your first day our version of hazing is putting you closer to death
He was on the front line and he's like it was so scary just sitting there looking at the jungle and then he goes and you
It started to rain and then you couldn't hear
So I couldn't see I couldn't hear and I knew they were coming. They told me that they're coming now Oh my god, and he said it was the most terrifying night of his life and they never came that night
Oh my god, but it was fucking mentally fucked him forever. I talked him we used to talk about girls too
I used kind of he was kind of like,
and they never came either. Hey, and then they called them the Viet Cunt. My second step, dad,
I don't fucking remember ever to anything about this guy. Yeah. Fucking asshole. I remember chasing
with a hatchet. That's all I remember. And knife. And like six grade. That's it.
I don't remember him.
He never gave me advice.
He never fucking asked me how I was doing.
He never, nothing.
I don't remember from age kindergarten to six grade, not one lesson that I learned from
this guy.
Like when you're, that's when you're a sponge.
That's why I, you know, I've been searching for a fucking dad
in my whole life.
It's true.
It's true.
So that's why I found you.
Yeah, same.
And it's, and then my, it sucks because my third,
my second step dad, Larry, who passed away a couple of years
ago, unfortunately, he was awesome.
He was like the dad, I wish I love Frank Sinatra.
He cooked.
He was awesome. He was like the dad, I wish I loved Frank Sinatra. He cooked. He was Italian.
Just fucking man's man, football,
fucking scratch tickets, Chinese food, fucking the bats.
Whoa.
You know, you would make you go into another room.
You move, they got a score.
Fuck you.
He'd scream, all that weird guy shit.
He was just that guy.
And then now it's such because now that I have Max, I was so looking forward to,
I was such a piece of shit back then, then I got sober
and I pulled the fuck away from everybody
because I fucking do it myself.
And now it's Max, I was like, I need him
because I was gonna stop calling him
and he was gonna, you know, and then he passed away,
which is, I was like really? Like really? Like I was gonna, and then he passed away, which is. I was like, really?
Like, really?
Like, I don't, and then my therapist was like,
you don't get a dad, you are a dad.
Okay.
Okay.
That revelation that you had and you've talked about
on the podcast is actually what helped me,
sorry, that's my parking alarm.
But that's actually helped me because it's let me
let go completely of the past.
It's just, it is what it is.
Like I don't even give a fuck about any of my dad shit.
I'm the dad, I have a son.
I am focused on giving him as positive of a life
as possible and you know, being not even just a role model,
but like completely a support system
and being there for him.
Yeah, but even that though you have to work on yourself,
that's why you are more of his kids are gonna find it.
What?
I mean, you're just gonna pass on what your dad gave you, right?
No.
No, my dad was all right.
I like him.
Did he hit you?
A bit.
Traditionally.
But like, it was a bit.
Yeah.
But you guys don't talk.
Your dad doesn't, you don't hang out with your dad.
You'd hit me on I go, yes.
And.
I'm a little funny. Canon, what do you got? hang out with you dad. You'd hit me on the go yes. And
I listen to
Canon. What do you got? Go to mycanoncomedy.com for tickets in July. I'm going to be a
comics Mohican son, the A through the 10th, then August 11th in
Royars for PA doing Soul Jules. We're going to do a live Irish
goodbye slash here's a scenario. Me, Fini, Sagalow, it's going to be super fun.
And then October, I'm doing a run in in in Colo in Ohio and then into Chicago.
So get tickets to that all at mycanoncomedy.com.
Don't you think?
Patreon.
Patreon is the big one because that's here's a scenario is on the left button.
We're in studio on Wednesday.
So fucking excited to be in person doing the pod.
And we also are ramping things up quite a bit on our patreon
We got a camera dude that's following us around all over the place. We're making all this quality content
It's just you know, it is what it is. We're trying to trying to take matters into our own mother fucking
Fuck the industry make what we want without asking permission
Sukard Dixie have never said yes yet. Yeah, I was you I get it
But with that's crazy never said yes yet. Yeah. Well, you I get it, but with us, it's like, saying crazy.
Now, when are you going to stop doing the other podcast
and just do here's the scenario?
I mean, what are you gonna do?
I mean, who's at some point?
I can't do two things with me.
Gabby, what do you have?
I have a new show at the stand called Guess What It's Wednesday.
Next one is the 30th of this month.
I'm going to be in Chicago, the 29th through the first,
through the second at Zany's and Lafactory.
Oh, nice.
And just let me say it.
And opening up for Julian McCullough
and then I have a podcast called Anabash Podcast
and a newsletter called You've got mail bitch.
Yeah, you like reading.
Yeah, you get my bio.
A juice letter.
And that's it.
Colin, what do you get?
But what's a juice letter?
What's that?
That's the Torah.
Oh, that was okay.
Okay, thank you.
It's just a blue box.
What's the Torah?
It's also a letter from a lawyer.
Torah, Torah, Torah.
It's a movie.
It's contract.
What do you got called besides a really great dud? It's also a letter from a lawyer. Tori, Tori, Tori, it's a movie. It's contract.
What do you got called besides a really great dud?
I've got a podcast called The Wizard of Pod.
It's available on YouTube, Fortsash, Column Terrel,
and everywhere you get podcasts of a Patreon also.
It's the usual shit that everyone does.
And...
Wait it, promote.
Yeah, fuck the industry.
They may have been correct on me.
What a app.
Why do you feel that you're not worthy to give your plugs
as genuinely as Mike?
Don't you think you're as good or better than Mike for God?
Yeah.
You know what?
You're right.
Jill, you're right.
I think I could be a therapist.
I think I'd be a good therapist.
I think you're, I actually think you're a great therapist.
You'd be a fantastic therapist.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Just because you sucked.
Joe's very easy to talk to.
I like mindful metal jacket.
I had a very easy back and forth about a similar anxiety.
I got so mad at you a couple of weeks ago.
Well, we're gonna talk about that in my Patreon.
Mush, what do you got, buddy?
Follow me on my Fuse Warriors.
I'll be at the Addison Improv in July with Dan Soder
and Lafayette Loudens Antonio with the Addison Popus.
Oh, and the new Creek and Austin and with Rich.
Good luck with that.
Hell yeah.
With Vos.
Bring a gun.
Sweet.
Bring a gun in a fucking Bull of Pro's Vest.
Why? Why?
It's fucking crazy.
We're not at the show.
We're going to Patreon people.
So why KWD if you enjoyed the show? please go to patreon.com slash robber kelly and join right
now we're gonna read the names oh I gotta go to my fucking thing right now
good most read those for me
it's kind of hard for me to read on the screen yeah why don't you read
let's see you read gab yeah All right, I kind of can. June 17th.
June 17th.
June 17th.
June 17th.
June 17th through September 19th.
We're in Key West, Florida at Comedy Key West.
Boom, that's this week.
Mother fuckers.
Mother fuckers.
Then June 25th through June 26th.
You're in Albany, New York at the funny bone.
Albany.
July.
Albany. July. Oh, whatever, Albany, July, Albany,
July,
oh, whatever.
It's all, not whatever.
It's people are gonna go to Albany,
fucking Georgia.
It's Albany.
Albany, funnivin' Albany.
July 2nd through July 3rd,
you're in Las Vegas,
I call many works.
Yeah.
July 29th through July 31st.
Boom.
You're at Vincenny.
Vincenny's, let me do it.
All right. Vincenny's. And then the August 12th through the 15th and with the comedy
connection around, I can't wait to play there. And then just go to Robert Kelly
Live. All my dates are up there. I'm filling up, baby.
Is that somebody's phone number underneath your? No, that's a, I don't know what the phone
number of the club probably. Anyways, go to robbercowelive.com and get all my stuff.
Go to comicwarebos.com and get yourself
on awesome YKWD shirt.
We got the hats up there.
They got the hats up there.
Now look at that hat.
You can get yourself that YKWD hat.
Kells Bells, we got the fuck, fuck Doug Bell.
I really want a Kells Bell shirt.
Which one?
That one?
No, where's this like Kells Bells? Right there on the thing, it says Cal's Bells.
Yeah, I need that.
He's just got your face, huh?
I know, he's such a good looking kid, isn't he?
Fucking love him.
Cal's Bells, right there.
I hate that shirt.
I need it.
It's a limited time for you, but a snag it now.
One for free.
What?
Can I have one for free?
Well, can you not do that now?
Jews letter.
I must.
ComicWerbos.com, YKWD merch,
get you stuff, show it up at the fucking clubs.
And please, patreon.com.stash.
Robert Kelly.
And if you're watching this on YouTube,
hit the subscribe button, hit the like button,
hit the comment button.
Do me a favor, that's your part of getting this
for nothing right now. Just subscribe, liking, comment. I me a favor. That's your part of getting this for nothing right now.
Just subscribe, like and comment.
I have to write. We stick around for the name. We're going to the names and bail out.
Is that cool? Can you hang? Sure. Are you going to go? I'm just going to puck us
at four. Oh, it's got you.
Three, fifty-eight. You're fine. Oh, round the corner. I give it up for Joe List, everybody.
Is that a right? Of course. I don't want to lay. Where's your podcast?
At Mark's house. But I don't want to make a podcast at marks out but I don't want to say where you live but it's within two minutes of
here yeah he can wait two minutes fuck him all right if it wasn't for me you
wouldn't even have one well yeah dude all right all right all right all right
listen we're gonna read the names real quick uh Joe list go to Joe list what's
your website comedian Joe list dot com I meet the camera I just want to shoot
myself right now you look at the
brand saying Joe comedian Joe list dot com is one of the funniest guys I made the camera. I just want to shoot myself right now. I look at the tasks you want. Get out of there, Brendan.
Sorry.
Jol, comedianjolus.com, man.
He is one of the funniest guys walking right now.
He's got a lot of shit going on,
and he's one of my favorite people on the planet Earth.
We have Mike Cannon, what's yours real quick?
Mike Cannon, comedy.com, at IAM Mike Cannon,
social media.
And what's yours real quick?
What do we, what was that called?
Okay, crack it.
What do you got?
At Brendan Sago on all social media and BrendanSago.com. And what do you get? I call don't we, oh I was not gonna, what do you got? At Brendan Sagalo on all social media
and BrendanSagalo.com.
And what do you get?
I call him Tyrell across all social media.
There you go.
What do you got?
It's like a race.
At Gabby is Brian on Instagram and Twitter.
The master race.
And of course, at Mike V. Suarez.
Correct.
On everything in robbercalelive.com, Patreon.com,
that's Robbercale.
Thanks for being a member, everybody.
We're gonna read the names.
If you're a Patreon member member i read your fucking names with
the people in the extra twenty right now and we're gonna read the names and uh...
i'm gonna give
i'm gonna go to line right now ready what are you doing you give them fingers
i mean my great i i'm a crush on him
i have a go passing notes under jerry i will get the names are you can i'm
going to let you can read the first day. I can't see
Why cuz I have bad vision? Oh
Jacqueline
Calabra. Yes Italian woman. Yes, Franklton
Mark blurn or what does that say? Blum Blum, okay. I'm gonna you know what you doing. We've got
Let's go to you Brandon. Let's see what you got. I want you to even fucking read this. Why'd you sit over here?
Should I call out exactly how much they paid? Yeah, Jacqueline only five dollars
Franklton again step it up. Yes, Mark Blum. Ten bucks. Good for you. Love it to 20, but you know,
and then Connor McLaren. Whoa. Hey, you got to do it. Good. Connor McLaren. That's all you.
He's actually putting an accent and a twist on it. What do you got? I'm doing my own thing.
Connor McLaren, who joined on my birthday, move closer to the microphone. Little birthday present to me.
Billy, no talent. Ousegolo. I read it at the time. And Nula was going to the microphone. Little birthday present to me. Billy no talent. Ousegolo. Oh my god.
I saw him up.
I read it at the time.
And Nulo's gonna do it.
What's your list?
What do you got, Joe?
Well, I got Steve Getz 10 bucks a month.
And we Steve and Todd Lewison 10 bucks a month.
Yes.
And then Jason William Wallace five.
What the fuck, you free Scott?
We should let fucking call him read that one, Jason Wallace.
What, he's Irish.
William Wallace?
Right next to each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, in the movie.
Go ahead, column, do your thing.
What do we do when Jason Wallace again?
Yeah, go ahead.
Jason Wallace, five dollars.
Hey, we got,
right, we got the jersey accent.
I don't know.
Jason Wallace, four dollars.
All right, we got, I'm going to the jersey action. I don't know. She's more like four dollars.
We got Grant W. Reed with 10 pounds. Yeah.
That was awesome.
I like that.
Again.
Again.
Charles Tettle with $5.
Oh, go through your access.
I don't know what else you got.
Elixir ish, $5 a month.
Oh, that's pretty nice.
Okay.
Can, and what do you get for an accent?
Sss.
DEFINY!
Was that the X-Factor?
Joe, what do you get for an accent?
Oh, this one's a $50 round round.
Michael, first.
Oh, wait.
First thing to know, remember.
Hey!
Hey!
Adil Barrow.
The head of the...
My Coupres, who lives at one...
Ains. Well, don't say that. Oh, don't say that Jesus Christ
Okay, it was a thank you Mike. You're the best. What do we got? Go ahead Joe? You do it in accent. Oh
Jeffrey Gray
$5. Yeah, yeah, I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty sure
Pretty sure see that somebody gonna take it out for that one. All right. I'll do this one. Oh
Ruest's up in
Ruest I'm not you know
Patreon right? Yes, Bet you got it. You want it. I can't fucking see it. I can't see anyone give her Bloomberg
Christopher Blumberg
We skipped we skipped all right. Go ahead. Yeah, we go
No the one above.
Austin.
Lewis Zappian $5.
Oh, that was good as that.
That was a good one.
I'll do it with an alien.
Bro, that was big bro.
I'm going to do one right here.
Aero, S is Austin Montevil.
A mate, thanks for the fucking shackles.
That was every continent, I think.
Want me to get one?
Oh, you got to pick a pocket or two.
Oh, you did, no.
No, I want this one.
Oh shit, Richard Bob's.
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Richard Bob.
Hey, man.
Hey, man.
You're $10, motherfucker.
Dick Bob's. Motherfuckin $10 per month
The motherfuckin crackers
Much master budget
A little adjo to damn if I know this motherfucker
Sorry who's got the last one
Go for it. Yeah Tiffany Who's got the last one? Sorry, who's got the last one? Kulfo.
Yeah.
Tiffany.
Yeah.
There you go.
All right, guys.
Thank you so much.
That was great.
You guys, that was a great podcast.
We're back here.
The end of the month we're going to have.
You know what?
We have a very special guest coming on here for next month's podcast.
So you don't want to leave your own peers?
No.
We have a very special announcement to make
for a very special YKWD that's coming up.
And you guys want to stay on Patreon,
join Patreon if you're not a member,
and what's that?
Do you know what I think would make the fucking Patreon
explode?
Is Alan the Monkeys reunion.
Yeah, good luck with that.
And now, should we Alan our therapist?
Just tell Dane there's a lot of 16-year-olds here.
There is one or two.
You have enough a Joe list, Brennan Sagalo.
Buddy, thank you.
Pee, but.
Oh, fuck.
Sorry.
There's some hot young singers that need a social ID.
I can't miss this podcast.
People don't want to shut the fuck up.
You got people.
Make sure you comment, subscribe, and like,
what do you got, Gab?
Hello.
You're such an asshole.
Oh God, get out of my shot.
Get out of my shot.
Get out of my shot, you fuck.
I mean, it's hard fucking.
You look like a queen.
Oh, comfortable.
Make sure you check out Gabby and Mike V. Schwarz.
And you guys make sure you subscribe and Patreon.com.
Kids, what's your TikTok?
When not all of them are gonna make it.
A TikTok or success?
Oh God.
I mean a whole show.
I don't think I've been funny for two months, dude.
No, I disagree, it's been four.
You guys, four years?
Years, fuck.
I'm shot off, fuck.
I'm not gonna.
Let's keep going.
I want to do the full day.
You guys are the best fans of the world, you'll see you next week.
You know what, then, later. Go back to your shitty jobs.