Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Joe List - Sheet Music

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

The Truth Joe List is back! We get into wildest places we've had sex, the expectations we were brought up with, needing "help" in the bedroom and why there's so much hidden porn in the woods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Started the social media Why can't we these back again We're it all started So fun and crazy and has no rules. She's on the help of you all winning this! First of all, damn, I'm out of my story. That's the comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the one that does.

Is there any better show? This is the original. The original. The witch! You know what, dude? Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the longest running almost maybe. Don't fact check me on that East Coast comedy podcast in Hell's Kitchen or Westchester ever fucking taped. that is a fact I am the first think of your favorite podcast that you listen to I was before them how's that and we're still here we're still here years later thousands episodes in and I have one of the original, one of the original, we call him a rag.

Joe Lest aka the truth is here. Gabby Bryan is here. Hi. And Mush is in the background somewhere. Hi Joe. Hi Joe. What the fuck, turn your sound on, I can't hear you. Hi Joe. Hi Joe. What the fuck turn your sound on I can't hear you. No, I'm kidding. It was a gag.

Oh, you gag. Oh, it was a gag. Screen act. You're just a guild. You're a guild. You're a guild runner. I love guilder runner. I love their hair. Yeah, you're gilder bad.

Yeah, you're fucking you're a fucking bad gilder Yeah, what's up buddy. How are you? Good great to see you. I have a hard out at 3 p.m. 20 I got 28 minutes. I'll do my best. We don't fucking have hard outs I'll do my best. You don't fucking have hard outs. You're fucking hard outs. You know this fucking show. You wouldn't have your show if it wasn't for my show. And you coming first two seconds of the show, you're already starting off on a negative foot.

Come on. The show could be 30 minutes to two hours long. You never know. First, you know what, third, it's never been 30 minutes. You're right. It could be two hours to three hours long. I'm saying do as long as you want. I'm saying I'm leaving in now 27 minutes. That's fine, whatever. What do you want to talk to Gabby?

I'm boring. You know what? I'm going to cancel the father's son picnic. I'm supposed to go to, I'll stay here for the full two hours. Good, because it's only an hour. We do an hour. Woo. Ha ha ha ha.

Um, where were you this weekend, Joe? Were you gigging? Oh, I was gigging, baby. Big time. Huge gigs. Uh, I did a Connecticut Bloomfield Connecticut, some brewery outside, and I did Mount Sutherington, a ski mountain in Connecticut. Wow.

Yeah, you know the ski mountains in Connecticut. I didn't know that. I did not know that. Yeah, but what type of mountain could there probably be? Well, I don't know if say I've never driven through, I've been driving through Connecticut my whole adult life. I've never said, wow, look at that mountain range. Well, I think it's a quote unquote mountain. It's a real big hill. You know, what does this

mean? Someone just said something. No, don't worry about it. All right. Pay attention. All right. Sorry. You don't pay attention worry about it. Just pay attention to me. All right, all right, sorry. You don't pay attention to other shit. You pay attention to me. Okay, gotcha. Well, it's a big hill is what it is, but they call it a mountain, but it's a hill.

So it's just a ski hill. It's a ski hill, but they call it Mount Southerington. They throw, you know, they throw mountain out there. What defines a mountain? Ooh, I don't know, it's like a, it's like like tits like Gabby has tits, but they're not tits Right, I have pecs It's more like a it's more like a more it's more like a hill like a sled not even sledding more like a It's like a backyard. It's like a dog hill right

Yeah, remember remember the video game, Excite Bike, where you made your own bike thing. Yeah. She's those little bumps that made the bike like, you know, things. Yeah. That's what happened. Have you drove a car over her breast?

You go, did it? Did it? It's like an unpaved road, ultimately. Yes. She has potholes. Would you ever get fake breasts? Yeah, I've been talking about getting a boob job since I was 15. I want to get big honken stripper tits. Really? Yeah, I think it'd be funny. I think if Joe got tits, that would be funny. If you got tits, that would not be funny. If I got tits I feel like my career would

get better immediately. Right. Oh absolutely. The HBO one hour special would be immediate. Yeah. Yeah. What would you call it? I'd call it Joe tits. Joe tits. Which is my name. I just realized is my name on Streamyard here. Oh yeah, this is Joe Titz. Hey, what kind of tips would you get, Joe? I would, I think I would get, now I know what you're gonna say. I already have Titz.

I knew it was coming, but. I didn't say anything. Yeah, but you looked at my Titz. As soon as I said, if I had Titz, your eyes went down and your eyebrows went up. I'm above that kind of humor. I'm not making any jokes like that anymore. Why?

Yeah, well, I mean, I don't know. I just, I don't want to hurt feelings. I want to make kind of softer jokes. Nice, just sweet, cute jokes. There's a lot going on in the world these days. You just called my tits potholes No, you're gross. I'm talking like I mean you're a disgusting human, but Bobby's a sweet soul and he's he's trying his best. So his his big fat tits shouldn't be the subject

I'm just saying like your kind of grotesqueness isn't as funny anymore. Oh, what the fuck, you just call me grotesque? I'm not saying, I'm saying your grotesque-ness. Yeah. The essence of your grotesque-ness is not something to be made fun of, I think. That is just fucking, you know,

speaking of me being grotesque, I'm doing this 30 day less titty challenge that I've created for myself and for whatever fans want to join. It's on my Instagram live every day at 11 a.m. It's probably going to change a couple days to earlier, but I started it today and You know there was only like 50 people there and probably 40 of them would just fucking just saying the most horrendous shit Mm-hmm like what I don't know I couldn't read it because I was working out But there was one guy here. Here's my only problem. I don't know. I couldn't read it because I was working out, but there was one guy. He was my only problem. I don't really have a problem with it, because I know Instagram Live, it's going to happen.

They're going to come in the O&A crew from back in the day and they're going to come in and stuff, trashing me and saying stuff. They're doing it in joke form, so I can't, I can't really be like your an asshole because it's like, you look like, but it's someone, I really despise wordy fat jokes. It's like, you look like a fucking blah, blah, blah, and a blah, blah, blah, met a blah, blah, blah, and then they will, it's like, do you lost me?

Yeah. You lost me. I'm gone, you're too wordy. Now, is Gabby participating in the less titty challenge? No, she might she might die. Yeah, yeah. She's going to have a concave. Yeah, we're going to do a challenge with her where she slaps her own tits every day until he swell up. And then oh my god. I think if I if I got fake tits, we gotta come back to that.

Cause I thought we'd go back to that. I'll go back to that. Yeah, so okay, go ahead. I would get a nice, I think like B cup, like a B 32 or whatever, a nice little handful. No, I'm 32 B now. You do. Yeah, I want one small D's. Yeah, you got 32 B stings, maybe.

I, I think, Joe, if I was going to do it, I would go C cup. I would never go D. D's too big. D is like, D's like strippers. I would go, I would go C, a 36 C. Well, my back is a little wide. All right. so I'd be I'd be a 58 C. But I would go see cup. Seek cup, I believe is a perfect titty. A D is great. A natural D. A natural D. Sure. It's fantastic. A fake D is just it's a I don't know out of place. It's fantastic. A fake D is just, it's a, I don't know, out of place. It's not right. But a D, a big D when they lay on their back, they spill over to the side under the armpits and stuff. It's not, it's not great. Melissa, I'm going to see for you. Yeah, Melissa is absolutely right. A full C is the perfect Titi. So, Joe, I would see you with a full B

because you're so thin and tall. But if you got a full C, you'd be perfect. All right, all right, I'll think about it. I might do this, fuck it. Too bad. Dude, if I got somebody to do it for free, like the whole operation, would you do it? Probably not.

It's not something I'm really that interested in. I have a wife and she has breasts that we share, which is nice. Like everything I need out of a breast, I can usually get from her, but I do think the career thing would be nice to get tits, and then I'm a guy with tits, and that would really give me some uniqueness. Right.

It would give me that little hook you're looking for. Exactly. It would give me two hooks in the back. What? What if you get a D? It's gonna be three hooks. Oh, is that right? Yeah, would you remember?

I remember the big thing back in the day was unhooking a brow with one hand. It's still cool. I have to say, it's still a cool thing. I just, I would go like this, snip snip, and then I clicked my hands like Thanos and it would pop up. So Gabby, as a lady, can you quantify how exciting the one hand brow on hook is like if let's say you know we have a scale of zero to 100 on like the horny turned on scale and you're at a 25 and you have one guy who takes off your Bra

with two hands and one that does it with one hand what's the point differential there? I would I mean one to 100 is an insane scale but I would would say 20 point, I think it's still, you don't need it, but it's like a party trick. When someone could do it, you're like, let's go. Yes. It gives you a little pep, you know? Because as Bobby knows, it's not easy. So I'm just wondering how much time and effort men should put into this. Is it worth it? 20 points sounds worth it to take you from a 25 to a 45. I think it's worth it. I think I think you have to know how to do it though. The worst is when a guy is trying to do it and then it's taking a while and you're like, stop, I'll do it. That's when you drop points.

Yeah, I believe that when you're fumbling with a bra, if I was ever in the back with the one hand and I couldn't get it, I would just stop. Because I'd rather, I would stop and then I'd be like, I'd do some sexy, take that off. Yeah. I'd rather back out than try to fumble and break the move. Because I think, you know, back in the day, I think this is assault now, but back in the day, Back in the day, I think this is a salt now, but back in the day What you would want to do is you'd want to kiss and then you'd want to you know getting her ear a little bit You know get her a little fucking little licking in the ear a little little talking in the ear and then you want to Grace a little breast and then you want to maybe get your hand in there a little bit and then pop that brow open and get up in there

Right and then you that brow open and get up in there, right? And then you want to, what? A salt? Well no, what I'm about to say is, and then you want to just pick her up like a six pack and drag it to the bedroom. Just stick two fingers in, no, I'm joking. Should I go like Paul? Yeah, but then you want to move it down there and kind of, you know, graze it a little

bit and get it crazy. And then you kind of push your hands down there and get a couple, get a couple piano plays in. Don't say that. And then, yeah, you want to get a little of those. And then, just by that point, you know, you should, she should be ready to go. Yeah, I'm a, first of all, I'm a fumbler. I'm a known fumbler. I'm like Ernest Biner

I mean I fumble a lot, but I always have to I've never gone straight into just seamless Sex I can't do it because my whole way of getting laid is funny guy I'm not tough guy or cool guy. I'm funny guy So I have to keep up the funny guy thing. And I'm like, I can't get a brow off. What's wrong with me? Whoops. You have to don't not you have to don't not you're way into a pussy. Completely. It's embarrassing. And this is why I had difficulty having sex a second time. I got laid once many times, but very few repeat customers.

many times but very few repeat customers. I always just transitioned very smoothly from a really good kiss and having some nice sex. And I used to fuck, I fucked outside, I fucked at cemeteries, I fucked in cars, I fucked. You fucked in cemeteries? Oh yeah, that was a good one, yeah. Well, how many times? A bunch because you know, late night when you could drive into the cemetery and just I mean it's just a park with a bunch of dead people. Yeah,

you just put up a grave and you can fuck any one of them. Yeah, you'd go up way in the back up on the hill with the rich people were all the fucking rich people that buried with those tombs is pulling a car over and it's actually pretty nice. So, the cemetery is at night, or beautiful if you get over the freakiness, then nobody's there. But there is a little excitement because you'll see headlights from the security

every once in a while and you get a hurry up and finish her. You know, pretend like you're looking for your grandmother. Did you see, do you know what Mary Donlin's grave is? Pfft. I got herpes on a playground because I didn't want to fuck in a cemetery. How old was the kid? She was a woman, but she was, I probably told a story before on here maybe, she was

like approaching Little person status. I think she's like 411 and I'm 6-8 and a half and we fucked in a playground at night So from any distance it did look like I was fucking a kid and I was really nervous I couldn't come because I was like if anyone sees us they're gonna shoot us. They're gonna shoot me She had tiny little leg. She's like little Gary Veter Shit, but what is it? What is the little person's official status? It's below five foot, right? Oh, I thought a little person maybe I don't know I think it might be 4 8 or 4 10 I don't know I'm not sure are we not saying midger right it's a little person that we'd saying the right yeah This is a very politically correct show. Oh, yeah, we've always been politically correct here at YKWD

Blacks Gays Yeah, dude, I love banging outside, banging outside to me. I'm in one time I got this girl rock and roll girl. Oh so cute. Just a rock and roll check and we went to revere and I took her out to this, this rocks, these rocks went way out into the ocean. And at low tide, there would, you know, there'd be a lot of space. And we went way out to the last rock. And we just fucked on a rock.

And the waves started, Crab Tide was coming in and, oh, it was fucking great. It sounds like Bert Lancaster. Oh my God. That's hot. I fucked up in the woods one time and dear ran by while we were fucking and it was spooky. That's very elf like what she was an elf.

I fucked up rooftops, but that's it. What? You're in New York City boo. Who fool? Everybody's fucked up a rooftop. What are you? A pigeon? Yeah. Who fool everybody's fucked on a rooftop. What do you a pigeon? Oh, there's Gabby's fucking shitty internet her father has

$900 million and she can't get fucking good internet Bobby, did you know I tried to fix it every time? Oh Just tell your dad to put a satellite on your roof. She can't she's fucking on the roof Bob did you know that revier is becoming like very hip and expensive now revier ever it their their rents are through the roof Those are hipster places now, you know why? Because I moved out. No, the casino. All right, the casino.

Yeah, on core casino that went in there. Yeah, yeah, I know. I mean, I lived on a revier Shirley Ave for a long time. People don't know what Shirley Ave is. Back in the day, it was very Jewish, Italian, shoe stores, a lot of shoe stores on Shirley Ave. And then later it became white trash and Vietnamese people.

What's with that? I'm sorry. The weird. I'm getting like an echo in my thing. But I said what the fuck? I think that's China. I think that is China. It wasn't Vietnamese is more... Oh, wow, wow, wow. I mean, Gabby just looks appalled by this. I'm trying not to get canceled, so anytime anyone says something, not PC, I go like this. Of course, Gabby's appalled. Why wouldn't she be appalled? Huh? Hello. What? All Gabby. What are you going to get canceled from Gabby?

You've never done anything. I know, but maybe like witnessing, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what the rulebook is these days. So I'm just trying to play it safe. No, I mean, like you have no success. Oh, that, when you say like that, yeah. Oh, this is the show that's going to cancel it right here. Oh, 100%. This is this is the thing that people will bring up. Oh, I hope that happens.

I hope she's literally holding up the Oscar. And then right after it It's just you know Lewis Gomez saying the N word nine times and her going And then handing him her panties And the movie is all about women's rights It's gonna be so bad. Yeah, it's gonna be bad. Good thing you won't be able to read the internet or anything because your internet sucks. What is that photo behind you? Is that a naked woman with their legs?

Yeah, it's Matisse. Oh, okay. Stop showing off. It's a print. Joe, where is the best place you've had sex? That's a tough one. I mean, to me, best place, it sounds nerdy, but a bed is the best place to have sex. Um, that's a tough one. I mean, to me, best place, it sounds nerdy, but a bed is the best place to have sex. Like the woods is cookie and fun and deer ran by, and I had

sex on a playground, and I got herpes. It looked like I was fucking a child, so that's a fun story. But a bed is where you fuck. I mean the floor sucks Cars are no good a bed is the best place to fuck. I'm sorry. I'm I'm old and mature. I like a bed I I think that I think that Outside is the best place to fuck you really think that I do I do because I thought I thought it's sex in a gym What kind of gym like a basketball gym or like a

Palais total fitness in like a MMA gym. Oh, I've done you fucked up You've done that. Yeah It's so fun. What do you mean you've done that? You haven't fucked it in an MA. I've like you a month ago. Wait, you fucked up. You're a teacher? That's right. I've done that.

Yeah. I'm talking to Joe. Wait, I want to hear Gabby's story because her sounds real and hot. Mine was a bit, but Gabby's getting into it. All right. I thought you really fucked a guy in the gym. I was like having sex with my personal trainer and we did a boxing class and that had sex in the gym. Wow. Did you

wear the gloves? Yeah, I just fucking knocked him in the head the whole time. Did you jerk him off with the gloves? Yeah, like this. You know how to get jerked off with no thumbs? Did he use his speed bag? Is that one work? Kind of. Works. Most sure you're going to say you fucked the guy in the gym. That's actually got cauliflower pussy. That was good.

That's good. He comes in with a good one every once in a while. That's next most interesting. Any backdoud he came in and then backed out like I'm not going to say it. Well, as a non joke, Jim Matt would be the worst place to have sex on because that's how you get staff infections. Yeah, bring warm just all over my body. Yeah, they don't clean that shit Where did you fuck him in the fan? So your gym was probably great, but most of us are dirt gyms. So I

Was at a gym in Greenpoint, so it wasn't that okay, but where and what time of day it had to be at night, right? It was at night. No one was in the gym So he owns he owns the gym. Yeah So all we have to do is find out mush. Can you find out MMA gym? Brooklyn, I do not do not listen mush. She's not your boss. She don't don't do this.

What you did it, you're fucking rat. You can tell us where you're going to bring up the person. There are several.'t there's like one or two I want to see bring up the fetus Jim owner Whoever the ugliest Jim owner you can find would be great Here's a list I'll tell you which one it is I'm gonna Gabby I'll tell you which one it is. I'm gonna, Gabby, here's a list.

I'm gonna read them to you, okay? It was Ilana. It was Ilana? No, it wasn't. It was Badass Academy. That's a few. Badass Academy. Oh, Body Reserve.

Was it, no. It was Badass Academy. Catholic, Jen. Brooklyn Athletic Club. Now, how about Brooklyn Sports Club? Did your trainer tap out when you took your shirt off? Yeah. Yeah. Was it tried a mouth hard and then he just knocked me in the face. Yeah, I bet you had a mouth guard. Hey, what did he rub you down with his giz? It's terrible. This is terrible.

So, where did you fuck them in the, in the, uh, or make love? Where did you make love to him? I made love. Where? In the gym, just on the, on a towel, on the mat, or a blanket on the mat. He, oh, so he had a fuck blanket. We bang clients.

So, he had a fuck blanket. Yeah bang clients. So he had a fuck blanket. Yeah, we kind of planned on doing it. Oh, no. So you're gonna do 20 minutes of bag work and then do an hour of bag work. Right. That's hot. You don't think that's hot, Joe?

No, that is hot. You don't think that's hot Joe? No, that is hot. Gabby puts the BJ in BJJ. Sorry, I've just been writing Jim jokes in my head over here. No, that's hot. That's fun. I mean, but still a bed is better. That's an interesting neat place, but fucking on a fucking red mat is not as hot as a nice clean size mattress Here fucking your wife in a bed is better Fucking a chick that you're fucking is better doing it outside or somewhere else because when you're done You can just go get food. Yeah That's true. Oh When you when you're done fucking a girl in the bed that you don't, that you're kind of banging,

you're in the bed. Now you have to do that white husband, white thing pretend to be closer than you are. Yeah, you're gonna lie there and she's gonna roll over and snuggle and you're gonna lie there like this. You know, when do we get up and wipe the gizz off of each other and she's gonna wanna kiss you with the mouth that, you know,

oh, you know Yeah, just had your kids in it, you know If you're in a fucking gym fucking on a blanket a fuck blanket as soon as you're done You're getting up cleaning off and you're at your home. You're done with each other, right? Yeah, and you got to work out in Yeah, too. Yeah Right You did you did double-core work. I'm trying to think though, I got no other great places. You've never fucked in a great place?

No, that swallow was aggressive. I know. It came out. It was in both my ears. She was trained by a professional. It was loud, it emanated. Yeah, he trained her profession swallow one more, two more. 15 sets. So Gabby, where was the craziest place you ever fucked in the ass? Sorry, I

Feel like the gym is a crazy one. I've had sex and like like a on vacation out in like a villa Crazy that's fucking natural the thriller in the villa. I Don't know I think that's it I You know where I fucked once? I know a place that you fucked, Bobby. I'm gonna, I'll just go on our system. I don't wanna say it in case I get you in trouble, but if you say yours, I'm gonna say, yep, that's the one I knew.

We'll go on our system. And if it's not, I'll be like, I was thinking of a different one. I fucked on a stage. Oh, I've done that I fucked on a stage. I'll do that too. In a church. Oh, during an AA meeting. Oh my God. Doring.

I mean, that's too much. I'm offended on multiple counts. I fucked in a 10. Quite a minute. I'm not. Why is you offended you offend it? I came out I'm telling you. Well, I think you're breaking anonymity. I think that God, I believe God is watching and listening. And also, you're God. And I hope I hope whoever he or she was had some time and it wasn't her first day you fucking scoundrel No, come here scound Melissa fucked behind a dumpster at a strip club. Oh my god. Oh my god. Why a dumpster? Couldn't have moved five feet over to the fucking like the Taco Bell. I mean Jesus Christ. I've made out on top of a dumpster

Like the Taco Bell. I mean Jesus Christ. I've made out on top of a dumpster. Oh, wow. What was his name? Yeah. I don't know. Joe, what were you going to say? Well, I thought you had one in the in the back of a comedy club at one point. And like a club. Oh, yeah, the comedy seller. Yeah, I wasn't sure if you could say that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who's that? That Sarah Sarah's leaving. She's had enough of this. Oh, she was she had all time. She was here the whole time She's appalled. Why would you but she didn't hear any of it? She just she just packed it the bag and left Really, that's because yeah, outside I'm tried she's going she's going to the park to match the base.

Who the hell is Melissa? Is Melissa on the show? No, she's just part of the show. They're all watching. They have a bunch of people watching right now. Oh, I thought that was like a producer piping in. No, we have, if you look to the right at the comments, we have a bunch of people commenting on the show live Live I'm on private chat switch to the comments. Oh, I see there you go Oh, now we're gonna be distracted

I text in a tent on a beach while other people were on the beach around us. Well, that's steering a tent though That's intense. Yeah, but it was like a beach while other people were on the beach around us. Well, that's steering a tent though. That's intense. Yeah, but it was like a beach tent. I banged a cashier of little peach in the walking cooler. That's amazing. Wow. How did it is Dick Harden that cold environment? Yeah.

He's a merchant marine. That's how. I actually banged a girl in the walking cooler at the Angelo's slash Dunkin' Donuts. Wow. Yeah, the girl from Dunkin' Donuts, I was the head guy at the Angelo. She was the girl with Dunkin' Donuts.

I was in there getting some steak and she came in looking for some for some Egg McMuffins and I I did my thing. Wow yeah it's great. She got some Egg McSeaman. God. Y's. Yeah, no, it's great. I mean I absolutely absolutely think that outside is the best place Anywhere but a bedroom bedroom is so Fucking hacky, but that's where the vibrator is and without assistance. She's not gonna have it orgasm on my right boys Have you ever tried to improvise on a vibrator? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahococ, Clococ, and then I've done that and also, fuck, did something else at one point, but the vibrator is key, I think. Fucking an opposed terrible.

Yes, I think a vibrator is key, man. I think a vibrator, I mean, if you really want a woman to have a great time, the vibrator to a woman's clitoris is the blow job to a guy's penis. Yeah, I read it directly, very recently, that 80% of women cannot come without clit stimulation. 80. That's a lot.

Just generally clit stimulation. Yeah, I would like to talk about that, are you sure it wasn't women in their 80s? No, like only 20% of women can fuck from just straight coming without touching their clit or a vibrator finger, whatever it is. You mean, other way, can come from straight fucking, not fuck from straight coming. Oh, yeah, sorry, I get dyslexic when I think about you know sex But yeah, only 20% of women can actually fuck us which is that's the image we had our whole lives from movies and stuff is You just plow a woman and she comes so that's all I tried for like 10 years. Right. Yeah It's true. That's true

But we were taught that you just get on your kiss you grab a de booby y luego llegue y luego se dice que mi god flipaba. ¡Sí, eso es correcto! ¡Es correcto! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelas de madrida, Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Ya, ya hay que hacer algo más. ¿Quieres hablar de Gabi? No puedo hablar de eso. Me he visto la pérdida de la G-Train Platform y me he tenido un corto de la pérdida con mi en un tanque. Me he dado un alo que he hecho en el petlán. Me he tenido que hablar de eso. platform and I had a corn snake with me in a tank. She gave it to me as a gift. She worked at Petland. I could read that. I just wanted to hear you read it. Way harder when she read it. Why would you have corn snake? I don't know. I thought there was going to say I had a corn snake

which is some type of thing, you know, another name for a wart on my dick. I had, she sucked my dick on a train and a cord snake. Wart thing. Warts, that reminds me of the short film we made, Robert, available on my YouTube. Right now, it's called Warts starring Robert Kelly, Sarah Talamash. And me, that's not it, Mike, what the fuck? That's a corn snake. That's a corn snake. Yes, available.

What's your, what is it again? What is your page again? I don't know, YouTube, Joe List, I think, comedy, I have no idea. I suck at YouTube. I suck at YouTube too. You know what you can use as a vibrator too, which I found out. Very cheap. Go to CVS, electric toothbrush. Oh, that's the only thing we tried.

We tried that. You got a cavity. That. No, no, and put some toothpaste on it, and it tastes good. Yeah, I could use a toothbrush on that thing. But you put the backside of the toothbrush on the catorce and then you

Look away and they will blow their fucking nuts. Yeah, you got to get you got to get him over the fact that it's your toothbrush Yeah, you put the oral and oral B Yeah, yeah, and I would suggest throwing the toothbrush head out when you're done unless you want to, yeah, those are great. Yeah, those are perfect. You can buy it one of those and the backside of that right on the clitoris, right? Yeah, I love it. Now, Gabby, you, can you come from penetration alone or do you need some clit stim?

I can. I've never had a vibrator. I think it'll ruin me. So I'm actually purposely not using one. Therefore, I come during sex. Interesting. I've never used one. So the only way you can come is from sex.

Yeah. But what if you think? What? Don't you jerk off occasionally? Like you must, you must have experienced clit stimulation at some point, right? Well, yeah, I do it the old fashioned way. Look at the size of those witch fingers. Those things. Now look at those things.

But you can come from just straight penetration. I can. I mean, there's still like four plays, so I have to be into it. But I feel like women are using a vibrator so much that it makes your clit numb. I know, Melissa. She's old school. She fucking, she, she jerks off like Susan Sarandon. Yeah. So you're, you're in the 20% tile, then. Melissa, you're, you're involved in this. You can still come during sex with the vibrator. Yes, of course Sure, I'm just trying not to ruin my sensitivity

You're right. It's like deleting Twitter is what you're doing. Yeah, yeah Your decent you don't want to be you know desensitized because you can get desensitized To everything sexually. I have friends who have to wean themselves off of their vibrators to even come with a guy. Wow. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I actually have decided and I accomplished it almost this weekend to not look at porn anymore on the road.

Nice. Was it Thursday? I failed. I blame Melissa and Lou because they had a Zoom thing going, the Ladybugs. It's fans of the show, the Cultural Kelly show and the show. They have Zoom meetings. They invited me and I stopped in and I told them that I'm not going to do that. They were like, why? You should do it. You should mass to baby. Play with your clock while you're away. What are you gonna do when you go home? And it gave me the excuse I needed. But Friday and Saturday I didn't.

And I felt better. That's great. There was something about it where I was like, I just, I wasn't in that fucking hunting seek mode. You know what I mean? Yes. My head was clearer. My armpits, yeah.

I'll explain that later. Oh boy. No, that's good. I feel grateful, like porn is to me, what vibrator is to Gabby. I've never gotten into porn, and I feel grateful that I don't have that need, really. I'm not really into it either. You've never gotten into porn and I feel grateful that I don't have that need really.

I'm not really into it either. You've never got into it. Yeah, I mean, I've watched porn certainly, but I've never been a guy that's like really into porn, needing porn, even when I've watched porn, I have to end up putting it down to come. You know, it's funny because I was brought up on so much porn. And then especially when you go into comedy and porn has become free.

I mean, porn is free. I used to go down with Patrice and we go to the porn stores in Times Square and go buy, like we'd spend an hour, like you would a blockbuster looking for a good John Claude Van Dam movie. We would, we would scroll the aisles just looking for a great porn. And you know, we'd walk out of you, like what'd you get? And I'm like, I got this, he goes, let me borrow that when you done. And I'll, I'll let you take these. I remember David's hell would show up at the seller with a bag of porn and just, hey dude, here you go and give you like 10 DVDs of just atrociousness.

And it was just so acceptable. I think that I benefited from I was born in 82 and back when I was a kid, back when I was banging, it was quite hard to come by porn. You had to be 18 to buy it and then you feel like a creep and there was no internet obviously. So I was jerking off to fantasy and people magazine and shit. And then by the time it was, even when it went on internet, it was like, you have to pay for the website and you'd get all this spam

or it could fuck up your viruses, at which I ended up getting a virus anyways, but so eventually the therapies, herpes, by the time it was free, I was already out, I had already, I was already 20 years into jerking off with no porn. So I bet it from my age. Yeah, but it doesn't make sense because I had the same thing. When I grew up, we didn't have shit. We had to look jerk off to a magazine. Yeah, but some, you were corrupted.

My parents were helpful. They didn't allow me to have porn. Yeah, my parents, it wasn't like they gave me porn. It wasn't like my mom was like, he had jerk off to this, you pack a head. It was more. They didn't deter me from it. porn wasn't like my mom was like he had jerk off to this yet pack ahead it was more they didn't determine from it they didn't teach me about sex I remember finding my parents porn in their bedroom in the drawer just under their TV and

it was all like Renaissance themed and I was like What? And then forever I thought, here you hear your answers. My balls duff need sucking. Someone fuck my muff like it's all just weird people and cloaks. And I was like, is that all porn? I remember I found my stepfather's porn in his draw and it was fatchics. Oh, and I was fat chicks. Oh, and I was like, what the hell? There was like chubby, he liked chubby chick porn,

which kind of fucked me up, because I was like, why wouldn't you just get the hot chicks porn? And then I looked at my mom, I was like, all right, yes. I got it. Well, I was a little chubby at the time, so. Yeah, I guess it's not that my parents didn't teach me anything about sex either.

I think I just didn't have access to it somehow. But Melissa just posted, why didn't you find it in the woods? And we did actually find porn in the woods. That's crazy that a lot of people had that experience. I guess people were really... Really? ...in the porn in woods.

Yeah, because people go out and jerk off in the woods or people throw their shit out in the woods. Or, you know, yeah, it is a weird. I found porn in the woods woods. Yeah, because people go out and jerk off in the woods or people throw their shit out in the woods. Or, you know, yeah, it is a weird, I found porn in the woods too. That's weird. I never, you've never what? Found porn in the woods? Well, you've never looked.

Sure, that was never my goal of going into the woods. What's defined porn? Yeah, some people had a metal detector. I would just go and sniff for a spurt and nothing. I got nothing. Just tried to calm. Once I caught my dad watching gay porn. What?

Oh my God. Well, look at his name. Wow. That's a fruit. Yeah, tell us more about that. I want to hear about that. That's, there's no way. There's no way.

It could be. I mean, plenty of dads are gay I Mean my dad was watching obviously Renaissance porn which is kind of gay in a way Yeah, that's but that's the other gay right That's the straight guy gay. I never understood a thing or what does it say read that gab? I never understood the thing of the hard pages in the magazines.

Who comes on the magazine seems stupid. Because the magazine has to be at a plate. You can't hold it and jerk off. So you want to place it down so you can see it. Like shit music. Yeah, you know, you can't hold it up here. You got to put it on the fucking piano. And a lot of time. And coming on the actual having an orgasm on the girl's butt, the girl, it's kind of like you're having sex with her.

Right. Yeah. Yeah, you come on the face. See, ski, does that mean come or sex? I feel old. What does ski mean? I'm not going to break down the joke like that. I got it.

I'm going to ejaculate basically. That's what skit means? Yeah. As per the song, yes. What? Oh, oh, skit, skit, skit, that's on. Yeah. So that means giz, giz, giz.

But if it was like a white person. If going back, okay, I had a whole session about this today in therapy, by the way. Oh, I'm going tomorrow. I can't wait. If I could go back in time, and I know people are gonna think I'm side-query for saying this, but if I could go back in time and not and have a normal sex experience in my life, and maybe have sex later in life, and get more information on sex, I would definitely do that.

Because in my first couple of experiences with sex, just fucking fucked me up, I still have them. They still affect me today. You know what I mean? So it's like, I get grossed out by sex in certain ways or I needed to be bad or weird because it was that way when I was a kid. It's my first sex experience, it was first grade. It's so crazy. Now that's your formative years, zero through seven. Yeah, first or second, I couldn't,

I didn't even let Max swear. Nevermind never mind suck it chicks tits in a bush You know what I mean The satellite TV was on gate point channel the last time it was shot off Shot off shut off shut off. I turned turned it back on last person was he was my dad That was the first thing popped up never thought taught all the porn or our gay. I so oh that was weird. Yeah well I mean what are you gonna do? I mean okay your dad's into gay porn. That's funny. You're into you know what dude you know both fucked up. I want I actually want to clean up my act before max gets older Because I don't want him to fucking grab my iPad one day when I'm fucking out and type in you know

Sheridan hotel and fucking SH, you know Comes up and then fucking 19 she-mail sides just You know comes up and then fucking 19 she mailed sides just Maybe that's good though. He won't feel all the shame that I that that people have when they look at she mailed porn, you know Yeah, but I mean I don't want him looking. I don't want him seeing any of that shit until He he until it's time until he's in puberty and he's going to start to mash the bear whatever or he asked me about it and I'll be like, yeah, it's okay, you know, but I would, you know, I just give it up. I mean, I was the generation of pop-ups where you would Google like cookies and then 30 sex pop-ups would come up. So you just see them as a kid

and they ruin you forever. So Max is the one generation who isn't seeing it, I feel. But you saw it. Yeah, I've like we had pop-ups, porn pop-ups that would just come up anytime you were on the internet. And you would click on it? No, it would just be full penetration video immediately popping up on your screen. Whoa, your dad must have been watching some serious porn. Probably. Robert, I don't think that's very progressive of you. I think nowadays it's 2020. I think it's important to show kids all sexualities very early, just kind of let them look through

like a catalog. Like, you know, like in the old days, in those shitty days, you know, we would look at like a truck, a police car, a fire truck. Now it should be, you know, chicks with dicks, you know, gays, whatever, something progressive. You need to be more forward thinking. Listen, I think I'm not taking parental advice from you if that is your parental advice. I'm pretty sure a truck on astronaut, the universe is probably a little better for a 7, 8, 9, 10 year old than a female getting sucked off from a sissy boy. I just think once we have our kid, I'm going to really show it a lot of vicious, violent

porn. Just so he or she understands whatever he or she chooses to be. They'll understand that a lot of women have dicks. No, I don't think that's the case. I think that's not a lot of women have dicks. I don't think that's the case. I think that's not a lot of women have been. It's a very small percentage. But if you choose to have a watch that, like if I ever caught my kid masturbating

to some weird shit, I wouldn't give a shit. I wouldn't affect me. I wouldn't care. I'd be like, you know, whatever dude, whatever you like to, whatever floats your boat is fine with me, you know, what, what if it happened this week at his age, you walk in and he's looking at a porn stated, I'd be devastated. And if it was my fault, like if somehow it was because I'd be, I've just,

yeah, because on a serious note, if I was ever talked to as a young kid about sex, if I could have went to my mother and said, hey, something just happened and I don't know what it was. And if she could have talked to me about it and said, listen, sometimes those things happen, you probably should not do that right now. You're a little young, you should wait to your older and if that happens again, you can come to me

or you feel like you want to do that You talk to me. I would have been way better off as a human You know what I mean because I have sex issues now That I still have to deal with because of bag of that and the tough part is your comic and you're in the entertainment business so Fucking and sex is it goes hand in hand with, you know, partying and fucking, you know, it's one of the, one of the prizes you get with being a standup is you get to get laid. At least it was. Now I, you know, with this generation, I don't know if it is. I would

would still. It still is. How it is still is? Yeah. Yeah. People want to fuck. People do want to fuck, but I just don't think you should fucking second grade. People are fucking more than ever.

I have two different friends that are single dudes that have said they've fucked more than they've ever fucked in their lives in like the last three weeks What did that make sense though crazy numbers? Because everyone's coming out of quarantine like not having fucked for six months and going crazy Yeah, and we might be going back into some form of that so people are getting it why they can't I mean I think it's wild out there I'm thinking about texting my wife and saying let's see other people for a couple months

well if if sarah wanted to uh... swing would you try it but who was swing with i mean is it you and don or is it you know uh... whoever uh... parents you had it you had it so you'd swing with me and Don? No, you were in the definitely not pan. No, it doesn't work. Swing doesn't work because you have to, I mean, I did a bit about this, but like, you have to segue back into your life. You have to say good, but you have to be like, take care, Don or, or, bought, it's funny because I used Don as the guy name because it felt like a funny name.

I didn't mean Don, your wife. Let me try it again. You have to be like, okay, take care, Glenn. We'll see you. You know what I mean? That part of it, everything seems hot except the part where the person that you were fucking, the people you were fucking leave. Yeah, but swingers really got it down now because they usually go to a swing or party and there's these rules, because Patrice used to swing. Well, it's a G big J used to swing. Hmm.

Remember that? Remember Patrice and Big J and Dante, they would all go to swing clubs because you couldn't go as just a single guy. You had to bring a girl and then you could show up. And it's just people banging. What's that much? All people who should never be on a swing. It's another good one. So I don't know if me and my what if Don was ever like, let's start swinging, I wouldn't

be able to do it. I'm too much of a romantic. You know? I mean, I understand the allure of, you know, banging somebody. I could swing if there was a couple that wanted to just use me, I could do that. But if they wanted my wife and on it too, I to just use me, I could do that. But if they wanted my wife and on it, so I'd be pissed halfway through. I'd see her, but you don't do that to my balls. You know, I, you know, because you know, she got the bitch. She

stopped really liking his penis more than she's ever liked my dick. Yeah. Any, any kind of open relationship thing is a straight shot express train right to divorce. I mean, let's be honest here. And a lot of people in Arizona, a lot of people in Florida fucking swing. Hot states swing. Have you noticed that?

No, I never noticed that, but that's a good point. And you say that it doesn't make sense. Yeah, hot. No, I never noticed that, but that's a good point. And you say that, it doesn't make sense. Yeah, hot. No one's swinging in Buffalo. Yeah, no, it's too cold to swing. Cold. Yeah, yeah. There's no swing.

I mean, Arizona, when I'm on stage, I was asking every this weekend, I'm like, how long have you been married? Oh, we're not. It's like, what? Like nobody's married. Everybody's on their second chick. And people just fuck.

I was at a Jimmy Buffett show in Anaheim years ago, 15 years ago with my friend Derek, and we were in the arena for the show, and sitting, and there was a woman, like a biker dude, like a kind of a thick biker couple. Like they were both like, you know, sleeveless tattoo-y type people. They looked like you.

And, but like more biker-y. And the guy, we were kind of chat with them. They were sitting behind us like this, and we were chatting and having fun. And they were much older than us. And the guy was like, I gotta go get some beers. You guys, keep an eye on my lady. And he kind of winked and like, tapped us.

And then he left for a while. And the woman was reaching around jerking off my friend Derek, like, up down his shorts. What? Yeah. Like during the show, like in the middle of the Jimmy Buffett concert, we're, you know, listening to changes in latitudes, change in attitudes, and she was just jerking them off.

And you're like, I'm going to be like, through that like she was a seat behind us, so it was like down into his shorts, like, like from the row behind. And he was like, elbow in me, and I did like a double tape. It was like a cartoon, and he was just getting his dick jerked off. And the guy was gone, and he came back, and he's like, thanks for taking care of my girl. And we were like, no problem. What the fuck?

Yeah, it was wacky. See, that's the thing that goes back to her, not using a vibrator, so her fingers, they've done too much sexually to where they needed to go further. And every time you take it a little further and a little further, you really can't come home. So you get to the point where it's like, okay, we'll fuck each other. Okay, we'll use devices.

Okay, we'll let somebody watch. Okay, I'll let you fuck her okay I need her to be at a fucking Ginny I can oh my wife only comes when I fuck her if she jerks a young guy off at a Jimmy Buffard constant yeah I mean I'm sure they went home and fucked and he was like yeah you jerked off that fucking little fat merchant marine didn't you you? You know, yeah, yeah, it's and it gets to that point where and some, but some people have no problem with that. I would fucking as soon as we got home, I'd be like, do you have a good time?

Yeah, it was fun. Oh, you did. You're fucking hall. Yeah, I didn't even get beers. I just watched you jerk off a little fat kid you fucking perv. Yeah, it's a weird thing. I could never swing With don't I can never do it. I just want to say he listens to this podcast So I take back the fat. He's not fat. He wasn't fat. He's a good good kid He's a fan on the podcast is that the guy who caught his his fucking his Dad watching gay porn?

No, that was a guy in the comment section. You know, you know, my friend, he was my best man at my wedding for God's. Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember him. Yeah, what does that mean? You know, like, I mean, listen to your show for years. I love him. I love him. He's a great guy. All right.

Yeah, well, you got jerked off on Jimmy Buffett's show. See, that's the problem. It's like that, that's hot to me, but I don't want it to be. I feel bad that that kind of turns me on. Because if I was at a concert with you and some chick just grabbed my shit behind me, did you just start getting it?

It's not like Gabby ripped ass. No, it's my chair. Are you sure? Do it again to make sure. Where did she go? What are you doing? Are you blowing your boss right now? What are you talking about? You're my computer. Why? Because it's running out of battery. I mean, this is should have been done before the show. Who does this? It sounded like a fart somebody pulled that I thought I plugged it Lean forward. It's this chair Lean forward. Oh, okay All right Those just are vagina making squishy noises

Yeah, it's always wet Well, when I'm on the show always wet. Well, when I'm on the show. But you know what I'm saying? Like, I wish that that that didn't turn me on, but it does. Did you get excited? Me? Well, yeah, will you like, won't you? I mean, she has two hands. Why couldn't she just jerk you off to? Well, I think he's cute than me or something, and I was too into the show. Like he came, because he's like, I'll go to the, I mean, he came, he was like, I'll go, but I'm a parrot head.

He's like, check it out, I'm getting jerked off, and I'm like, shut up. He's playing cheeseburger and paradise, you asshole. Like I was in it. I didn't even really realize until it was like, almost through, and then I looked at his, you know, purple head and got excited. But, but no, here's the thing is you get, I wasn't there

yet. At that time, I was 24 and I was still looking to have missionary sex with regular ladies. Now, at this age, if some biker chick was like, let me jerk you off, I would just come right then and there. So, if it happened at a concert, meaning you had a concert at a fucking gym. Let's say somebody else. Let's say Let's say journey we're a journey with the Filipino singer not not not Steve Perry and They the same situation and she wanted to jerk you off you do it now No, I wouldn't let someone I mean, I'm sober at the time. We were both hammered and so are they Well, that's the thing that help sobriety really helps a lot of this stuff.

Well, hurts. Yeah, well, you go, yeah, I'm not gonna let a biker chick drink me up. If I had half a beer, if I let a beer touch my lips, I would just start making out with that chick. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, fucking eat my asshole. I'll suck on your toes and, you know, I'll, I'll blow the biker guy. But I'm sober, so I'd be like, no, thank you, ma'am. I appreciate it. Have you ever done any gay stuff, Joe? No, I think about it all the time, though.

Constantly. What are you talking about? I just, I wanna be gay. I mean, Gabby's story, I'm like, I wanna fuck a fucking MMA guy after hours. I shouldn't say publicly because I do MMA. So you can. You want to fucking roll around and get an uma plata

right in your face? I'm tapping in. Ha, ha, ha, ha. We'll read that. My buddy got jerked off in a porn theater ha ha. Well, read that. My buddy got jerked off in a porn theater from a woman while her husband watched. He said her bracelets were ringing the whole time. Was you wearing bangles? Yeah, yeah.

You're shooting, you're shooting. He was getting a hand job from a gypsy. Yeah, that's that type of sex stuff. I mean, if that happened now, I mean, I if that happened now, I would I would have to say I guess I would have to say no But that'd be hard to if I was in public and nobody was noticing and some lady just reached around Osmo was there wanted a jerk me off. I would it would be hard to go. No, thank you Yeah, what's now she's already tried to grab your dick and she's behind you the whole concert. It's kind of uncomfortable.

My buddy and I always laugh at like the situation is where it's hard to turn down sex. And we always laugh so hard about they call them lounge lizards. These women that will like blow truck drivers, it truck stops. A lot lizards, not a lot lizards, lot lizards. That was a common stuff. That's a different thing. Yeah, that's like a, that's like a, a jazz player. But people jazz players. That's such a funny idea to me of a guy that just drives for 19 hours straight.

He's making 60 cents a mile. He pulls off to a rest stop and just like leans his seat back and he's like, let me just sleep for an hour and you just hear like on the window and you're like, excuse me. Would you like your dick sucked? It's like what truck driver's like. Oh no, thank you. So fucking Mary Poppins out of truck sucked. I'm not good with lady voices. I Yeah, that would be a tough thing like if you were if you were driving back from a gig like a seven hour trip You stopped at a truck stop just to get a quick nap and some chick was knocking on your window She's like you want a blowjob for five fifty. What would you say? That's tough. I mean five dollars fifty cents. Yes. I'd take two of them Give her a give her 12 and call it a day.

You know, I picked up a long time ago in Revere, that would you to bring this whole show full circle, by the way. You back in the day, Revere was, you know, a fucking sketchy place. And they had a lot of hookers. Back before the internet, they had girls that would kind of, you know, it wasn't like downtown Boston, the combat zone, where there'd be girls in certain areas like hookers. But in rural areas, you could see these women kind of hanging out in front of 7-11s or walking down the highway. and there were hookers and you could, you want to ride and they'd be like, yeah, and they'd fucking blow you. And he'd give him a 20 bucks and on their way. And I remember one night I was smitten in the middle of the winter, the fucking middle,

I was freezing out, sub-zero. And I went to a 7-11 and there was one of those hookers there, this woman. And she propositioned me and I said, okay, I got to go inside, I got to get a pack of cigarettes. She goes, can you get me nachos? I was like, all right. And I remember I got a thing at Nachos with hot sauce in an orange soda. And we got my car and we drove down to the spot

where she was just pulling here. And there was like a little parking lot that was empty off of the Linway. And we, I remember she was eating her nachos and it was so warm in the car And she was so cold for so long that her boogers started running out. Oh Oh, she was eating nachos. It was just this cool with salsa And I've and we just wound up talking until like six in the morning and I just let her sit in my car and she just told me about her life.

And then I gave her 20 bucks and I just dropped her off back at the 7-11. Like, I mean, I think it was hours later. I just really nice. I kept her warm. I know it's so bad. But it was hard for me because there was that dark side of me that was like, you know, she wiped her nose,

let, you know, just get a blowjob. You know what I mean? Or let her give you a handjob at least. And I really had to fight that to be like, you know, just drop her off. And you know, the sun was up and I dropped her off and she was like, buy and I felt like I saved her life. Yeah, that's a good story.

Oh my God. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah, I used to, I used to, I used to get prostitutes a lot back in the day, $20. Uh, Lynn, they had a thing called the loop and the Lynn. It was a bad section of Lynn. And there was this, like this, you know,

you'd walk around the loop. And there was girls and you'd see a girl and you'd just pull over and she'd get in and, like 20 bucks and she'd just go somewhere and blow you real quick and then go back. And I was really addicted to that. I mean, this fucking kid I knew who was in the program, by the way, got me addicted to it.

Jesus. And I felt, I really had to fucking fight my way out of it. Like, I'd like, like, really be like, I can't do this anymore. This is, you know, because it's, it's the funny thing, it's never, it's never looked down upon really. Isn't that weird? There's a really good comment. It says, I got, it's Greg Shrepper. He said, I got loan in the parking lot of a Bill and Bob's roast beef while my friends were inside ordering. She had an eye patch. Wow. Was that one of the, Greg, was that one of the ladies that Bob's talking about here? $20 lady, because that can't just be a random woman that walked up and said, let me suck you dick.

I assume she wanted a meatball sub or something. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Yeah. And what's Bill and Bob? I don't know, Bill and Bob's roast beef. Bill and Bob's roast beef was the best. yeah i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i calling Greg out i think this was a man a gay man who wanted to get off and Greg is doing that thing we switched the

gender to make the story fit because i don't know i'm never met one woman who was in a prostitute who just walked up and blew a guy named Greg in a parking lot of a sandwich shop now it's work yeah i think this i think this court-unquote ladies name was mike yeah there in the bob show speef faulty so good man bill in bob show speef this court on quote ladies name was Mike. Yeah, they're killing Bob's roast beef. Fuck, they so good, man.

Bill and Bob's roast beef is, I think, way better than Kelly's and I think it's better than Mike's. No kidding. All right, I'll hit it up next time. Never went there once my whole life. Yeah, land and sea is good too in Saga's. I believe it's in Saga's. That's a good one too.

Yeah, that's, I mean, look, Joe, I want my kid. Oh, what was that? It was trying to be a far, but it came out a little, little, oh, it's, if it sounded as bad be more like you though, just like a no sex until he's older. Yeah, I didn't have sex till I was 27. Are you kidding me? Really? No, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I was 31.

No, I was 18. You 18. That's a perfect age to have sex. What was his name? Nice nice What what what was with a girlfriend or random girl? It was my girlfriend. Yeah, really I was hot and heavy. It was her first time too. I was hot and she was heavy Yeah, it was her first time So you popped her cherry

Yeah, you could say that sure was there is there blood when that happens in the movies, but I had nothing I don't know if I got a small dick. I was looking for blood I used ketchup just to make myself feel better There was nothing there was not it she didn't make a sound she didn't come. I didn't come. It was embarrassing Now we broke we broke up like three weeks later. You didn't know? No, I didn't know how to do it or what to do. I've had awkward experience like that when you first started having sex.

I remember I hooked up with this, me and this, met this chicken at a Bruins game with the old garden. And she was from Sharon Mass. Ooh, it's Jewish chick. I know what that means, yes sir. Yeah, there's Jewish brought from Sharon Mass. And me and Frankie Paul Castro took the train out there, her and her friend. And we hung out at their house in the basement.

And we had sex. But she didn't know what she was doing either. She was like, you have to wear rubber. And I was like, it's mid-February, it's 20 below out. You live by a lake. I don't know. I can't, I don't have any rubber. I can't get a rubber. I don't even know where the fuck I am. We had a walk five miles from the train station to get here. And she gave me a blue little balloon. But the little ones, you have to kind of stretch out to make a balloon animal like. And I remember I put it on my helmet and it just fit on the tip of my helmet. And it wrapped around my helmets. I was like, oh, this is good.

No. And then speaking of my giz. Yeah so and I remember I when we did it for like five seconds and it fell off. Oh yeah and I just I just left. I wonder if it's still in her. She probably what she queives it fucking blows up a little bit It's like What is that I don't know it's happened ever since I was young She gives birth and a giraffe comes out. She has a strong desire to be a clown and fucking Denmark.

All right, well listen man, we're going to wrap this up. Joey, you have a new album out. Yeah, my album comes out October 16th, but it's streaming for free on Pandora right now. It's called I Hate Myself, and it's different than the YouTube special. You can watch the YouTube special, maybe you already watched it.

It's a little bit of an alternative take, so check out the album, stream the album, and go watch the special, leave some nice comments. I hate myself on YouTube. And Tuesdays with Stories, of course, as always. And also, I have the new podcast Mindful Metal Jacket. There's an episode with Bobby. We just, I just interviewed Sharon Salisberg who wrote this book. She's like a world famous meditation teacher. I took some swings and started messaging these like world famous world renowned meditation teachers. And she's the

only like a back to me. So she's way too big of a guess for me to be interviewing, but it's up there now, it's on YouTube and everyone. I'm going to explain to everybody what this is about because this podcast is not bustin' balls or talkin' about sex or the average podcast where it's kind of freeform, let's talk about whatever we talk about because you know on the YKWD,

there are no rules, there are no topics. I invented it all, but your podcast is different. What is it about? It's, well, it's about ultimately trying to be about mindfulness, but all kinds of psychology, therapy, anxiety, fears, and we talk about all those things. It's sort of a mental health podcast, and I'm really proud of it. Some of the reviews are like the best things I've ever read in my career.

And there's a bunch of great episodes. Dan Soters on there, Robert Kelly, Sharon Salisberg, and lots of great comics. And I'm getting more Buddhist instructors and stuff like that. So it's exciting. It's a good time. I'm gonna try to start getting some cool guests.

So, oh yeah, there you go. This guy a it's a good time. I'm gonna try to start getting some some cool guests. So Oh, yeah, there you go. This guy listen to you and I that's a very popular one the one with Robert I can't be all heavy on some time. Do you get anxiety ever I do great? Meditation oh awesome. Yeah, we should talk about it sometime Okay, no it is there it was a real I you know is it's fun to do a podcast that you don't have to be, you know, you have to zing every couple of minutes. It's fun to have a conversation and kind of let it go where it was. I enjoyed it. I thought it was great. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I'm proud of it. And there are some laughs to people always say it's funny because, you know, it's a serious conversation. So the, when the jokes come, it's fun and funny. So, yeah, I'm proud of it. Yeah. Yeah. Good stuff the jokes come, it's fun and funny.

So yeah, I'm proud of it. Yeah, good stuff. I will make sure you check out Joe List. Joe, I love you buddy. You're one of my closest friends. I love you too. It sounded like that. It sounded like there was more of the conversation.

It's usually you're into Rob. If somebody was using it, at point, in the movie script, the writer would have wrote, I love you one of my closest friends, Joe. You're one of my closest too, dot, dot, dot. Thanks, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I fucked up. I fucked up the, I got to go to my line. Yeah.

Hey, well, Joe, I love your podcast. I love that one, especially. I'd love to do it again. It's always great having you. I love you. You're one of my closest friends. I got a hard cock right now. Oh, jeez.

What the fuck? Cuckoo. Hi, buddy. I'll talk to you later. Thanks for coming on the You Know What, dude? We have to do a little thing here where I read names if you want to stick around that be great Joe for a couple of seconds No, I'll take off. That's fine. No, just hang on. We do it We do like eight minutes extra for the Patreon people. Will you mind hanging cuz I have a couple questions for you? Oh God

Yeah, sure. I'd love to. All right, here we go. I want to thank Laura Khalifa. Yeah. Okay. Bob Sagitt, get the fuck out of here, really? Bart Wakanarer and Justin Silva. Justin?

Justin. Is that it? That's it? All right. Cool. Guys, YKWD fans, if you're a fan of mine, this is always free Sunday night. But if you want to support the YKWD, we've been doing it for a long time. Patreon.com, stash Robert Kelly. You get this show free and extra 10 minutes up on Patreon that nobody else sees and of course You know you'll be helping on the show. I had somebody on the Patreon say hey dude, you know you got all these shows and blah blah Look man

We're gonna comment on that now because I want to talk to Joe how he feels about Patreon and stuff But I get I got a lot of content on this Patreon and I hope Number one, you want to support my creativity and my life in the shed, my one-on-one, my tech talk with Bobby and friends, YKWD and Calthar and Kelly, all the stuff I put up there, but I do release some of this stuff after time or whatever, so that we can get more people into the shows. release some of this stuff after time or whatever so that we can get more people into the shows. So I hope you like it. If you're a fan of mine, be a fan there.

It's a price of a fucking cup of coffee at Starbucks for God's sakes and you're supporting the show. So make sure you are. And all you cock suckers that are a member of the Patreon, I love you. And I want to say welcome to the new ones. I want to say thank you to the old ones. And make sure you spread the word, tweet it, tell your friends, get everybody to sign up and be part of this. So now we're going to go to the 10 minutes of the other. So you know what, third, we'll see you guys next week.

And now we're going to You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.