Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Keith Robinson & Rachel Feinstein | Middler Squares

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

We're joined by Keith Robinson and Rachel Feinstein to talk post election and their new HBO Max special with Colin Quinn! New Episodes arrive every Sunday night For advertising opportunities email a...dvertise@thelaughbutton.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos lia. Un humenaje de número más que de Madrid. I'm the only one who can't do podcast. Why can't I do podcast? Why can't I do these back again? I'm going back in the day, where it all started before them all. Why can't I do these? Podcasts are so fun and crazy, and as a rule, See, I'll help you on winning this. First of all, I'm gonna have a pound of my story. It's comedy podcast.
Starting point is 00:01:00 This is an NPR. That's what the podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original version. You know what did? What's up? Oh my god. I feel fucking believe it. We have very special guests today. We have two of them. One of them is late. Who else will be here?
Starting point is 00:01:30 Rachel. Rachel is a whore. I'm saying it's good for you. I know whore. She's a dirty whore. Well, when you heard that whore, she's a mother and married to a firefighter of New York City. An essential worker. That's debatable.
Starting point is 00:01:53 It's not the fact that's not the the horn part is debatable. The fact that she married to fireman is not debatable. Rachel makes you sick. I know make me sick. Yes, she's late and Gabby. Right, she'll make you sick. And she'll make you sick. Yes, she's late and Gabby, where is she? She's getting the baby off to the nanny, because the baby was crying a lot. He's bullshitting.
Starting point is 00:02:15 He doesn't even take care of the baby. What's wrong? That's just... I don't have to be honest now. I've got to be honest. First of all, this is the best you've ever looked in Soundwood. That's true.
Starting point is 00:02:28 But she looks, and now, I don't want to get off, I'm staying on the Rachel right now. She's late because Rachel is going Molly. She's going Molly for what? She's going, she's going Molly. She's doing Molly the drug? Yes. Are you saying Rachel's a fucking drug addict? Yes, I'm Molly of all drugs. Well, she gets it's not all you are you pick like a good drug. You don't even pick you just heard Molly. I said Molly, a girl. Oh, she's a lesbian.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Yes, Rachel's a lesbian. And she's doing Molly right now. Is Molly a comedian or is she just a regular girl? Well, that's the nanny. The nanny's name Molly. So she's having sex with the nanny while the nanny should be watching the baby. Yes That is definitely a bad mom you're right about that. That is not good mother. I don't like Gabby's fucking
Starting point is 00:03:37 Look her wicker Back droppin I'm not my parents house. This is a fireplace. I mean, look at it. You mean, look at them. It's all about white privilege. Fuck that. Get me out of here. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:03:55 Keith text me, I love you today. I did love you. He texted me, I love you with a heart. Yeah, great. You know what happens after that, Gabby? You know, all the women who Keith, he Keith hated, rejected, told the go fuck themselves, didn't answer the phone, then one day he sends a heart and you're so beaten down that you're like, oh my God, no one comes after that. What is the hot pizza?
Starting point is 00:04:25 What's the hot pizza? What's the hot pizza? Not of that. Oh my god. Why does Gatt, that looks like the outdoors of the three companies set as you're going up to Christian Jacks. It looks like a 70s backdrop. doors of the three companies set as you're going up to Christian it looks like a 70s backdrop. It does. I'm just out my parents house and it's it's designed really weird.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Yeah, you know, my parents house is what? You'd see you'd see dog shit on the fucking patio. And a fucking couple of chair from She looks at better homes and gardens right now Okay, listen first of all is are you in your house right now I'm a Gabby's house he's in the other room I'll tell him what that be is if Gabby's I'm in the screen you owe me money I collected I'm collecting money from billbur I collect the money from moody and I want my money from you.
Starting point is 00:05:52 I don't understand. What do I owe you money for? I forget the bet. You know, I'm not denying that money. You know, you know, the fucking bet. Okay, you're getting carried away now. You're getting. I get upset. I do get upset. You're getting triggered. I don't want to trigger you Like you triggered in the past I just want to And you're not safe trigger like that remind me of that triggers me to what you said I don't want a trigger
Starting point is 00:06:22 I don't want to hey Keith I don't want to, Keith, I don't want to trigger you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, what the fuck? I said, I don't want to trigger you. Yeah, but you see you put the emphasis on Earth. I have a Boston accent, dude. I don't want to trigger you, dude. Stop being a triggerer.
Starting point is 00:06:44 Oh, holy shit, Gabby. Oh my God. I'm taking none of triggerer. Holy shit, Gabby! Oh my God! I'm taking none of the blame for those. He's being triggered! Being triggered! Listen. I don't want to get you mad. Seriously, on a seriously. All jokes aside. What did we bet?
Starting point is 00:07:02 I forget. This is why nobody owes you money. What did we bet? I forget. You don't want to bet. Why? I don't know. This is why nobody owes you money. Because you make, this is why. Because you're at that age where you forget. As soon as you fuck the walk out of the door, you forget.
Starting point is 00:07:14 All you remember is there was a bet. You don't remember anything that entails... I don't have to pay you. If 50 I'm gonna tell you exactly what I was for. Okay, tell me. 50's, minigigies. Whoa. it is. I've never heard of it. For what? For what? For one that, um, Obama, when the presidency Obama, Obama, really Obama, this is not for you. Because you because you have a wife. He has no idea what year it is. Gabby Gabby, can you can you get him? Where is he in your house? Can you go help him right now if he really
Starting point is 00:07:58 I Gabby's Dick Van Dyke pajamas in I like pajamas in f***ing yearning. I wore these my entire quarantine. Why are you in filthy pajamas? Because I have COVID. It's got COVID, dude. She got it. Yeah. I'm on day eight.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Good. I'll be in day nine. Yeah. What the f***? Well, he hasn't had any fears. I'm telling you, we're all my pre-existent conditions. You're gonna die the moment you walk in here. Oh, that would be so happy as if Keith took it. He pulls his trousers down. He grabs his chest and falls right into a tub. And Gabby's gonna call her dad dad you gotta call the cleaner
Starting point is 00:08:55 What did we bet you don't you can't tell me what it was I ain't paying you you know what it was no What Obama's bitch will win oh I ain't paying you. You know what it was. No, I... What? Obama's bitch will win. Obama's bitch? Yeah. Who's Obama's bitch? No, you know. Say what are you?
Starting point is 00:09:15 Say what are you talking about? Say what's your name? Who? Biden. Joe Biden. Yeah, Joe Biden. I'm fine with that. Why do you think that makes me... Biden. I'm fine. I'm fine with that.
Starting point is 00:09:26 Why do you think that makes sense? No, I'm fine with that. Let me tell you something. What? The right inches is much full of shit as it left. No shit. Yeah. No, I'm talking about the cancel culture.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Well, the right used to be more of a cancel culture with like religion and blah, blah, blah. And then in the last 15 years, the politically correct woke. Listen, let me correct woke. Can't say what I'm saying. Let me say. Yes, it would be great if the Picture of Kamala Kamala Harris Harris be busy be biting And I lost 15 fucking truck followers You should lost 15,000 You should have lost 15,000. I don't have that. My account is on low on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:10:29 I know exactly how much I lost. And then look down on Facebook, like, you're a fool. But look, everybody's not going to have to go with who you picked. Everybody don't love Trump. Jack, can you? The problem is when they pick Trump, No, I don't have to go who you picked everybody don't love Trump The problem is when they picked Trump you guys gave them a hard time for four years and called them racists You call me a racist you call me a race Can you stop looking down at her?
Starting point is 00:11:08 Actually, down from you. She is a Hollywood. This isn't Hollywood squares. This would be called middle of square. Middle of square. Listen to me, dude. So, look, I'm saying like this. I love people trans from I mean Obama through the years. Yeah. Trash them. I didn't get rid of nobody. I go, oh, well, you're talking about Obama. He's not my dad. Right. The president is president? He's going to do some shit, right?
Starting point is 00:11:45 He's going to do some shit wrong. Right. Take it, take it when you lose. I don't want to ask you question though. They were boarding up all the buildings. And they were like, That's why I'm happy that you know why we're asking. You're going to board up all the buildings.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Everybody was going to, the whole place was going to be riots and the place was going to be lit on fire and macy's and all the jewelry stores and all over the country of preparing for these major riots. But they didn't happen. Why was that? You are a piece of shit. I'm just asking why the why all these guys are going to have to hold you. Wait a minute, shut up. You little horse shit, Perryshit-parent-makes-in-question. Fuck you! That's right!
Starting point is 00:12:29 What happened? Fuck, which way is it? Which square is it? I'm over here. I'm over here. Over this way, over this way. I mean, no way. Fuck you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'m to you left. He left. Oh, no, the other way. You're the right there. That's me. Yeah, fuck you too.
Starting point is 00:12:54 I'm seriously, I'm seriously asking. No, and I have to admit, we did, we cancel each other out on the bed. You were absolutely right with the fact, but still, we still got to see how the whites act up or not. Okay, but I'm just saying that nothing half of the country lost, right? It was a very close race. It wasn't a landslide. It was a landslide. It was not a landslide.
Starting point is 00:13:31 It was a landslide, dumb dumb. Listen, it was not an end. Get the white girl to add up for you. I'm not getting involved. Listen, the white girl. The angel pajamas. Get her. I'm not getting involved. Listen, the white girl. You're saying angel pajamas. You're saying angel pajamas.
Starting point is 00:13:51 You're saying angel. Oh, oh, oh. Listen, you listen, I'm just asking that, you know, I'm just asking this question. Half of the people didn't win and nothing happened. Not yet. Yeah, what did, yeah, something did happen. What? That not conceding. Yeah, the person, listen, that happened back with the fucking Al Gore. It happened with, uh,
Starting point is 00:14:22 it didn't have one. Hillary can see to that night you know history and you go you still remember fuck you wait where you at again no no fuck you fuck you fuck you no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no this way. Fuck you! Oh, listen, Keith, look at it. Of course, he's gonna go through all this shit. And, but, it's over.
Starting point is 00:14:51 I mean, now it's over and nothing happened. And I actually saw people posting, I can finally look at the flag again and have respect for it or something like that. And it's like, I mean, what you lost your record, American, I never have respect for the flag. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a che man. I'm a che man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a che man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a che man. I'm a che man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a cheque man. I'm a chairman for four people. I lost. You really are just an asshole. You just did that.
Starting point is 00:15:27 You'll never be able to do a USO tour. I hope I have to do a USO tour and I'll just send this to the head of the Pentagon. I was in a Navy. You were in the Navy? You were? Yeah. You're lying.
Starting point is 00:15:40 That's the thing for you, Debbie. What is that? You're doing bros right now. What the that? You're doing bros last right now. What the fuck? It was not in the Navy. You were never in the Navy. What was your rank? What? You heard me. When you look at it, you go what? I was in the Navy for like two weeks.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Yeah, and they kicked you out because you have fucking spit on the flag. No, they didn't kick me out. Like I was 17. I was 17, getting ready to turn 18. And I decided what they lied to me. They said that I could go to Florida or San Diego. And I found out those talks under 70 to Great Lakes and dead of the women going to
Starting point is 00:16:30 Great Lakes. And I'm like, I'm not going to Great Lakes. And I you know, I backed out and a guy who crewed officer who came picked me up, he was calling me all sort of bitches and punks, you know, deaf words. And, uh, and, you know, my mom went down there with me and he was like, you little bitch, my mom's like, don't call my son no bitch. I'm like, yeah, get him. And they took me to the crew station and they took my mom in a room and started negotiating with her. And I could hear mom in the call of the if you out and they took the mom in a room and starting to go Shade with her and I can hear her mom in the room and she's like
Starting point is 00:17:09 Oh They were telling her They were telling my mom that she's still getting hard for me being in a service like 400 500 a month or a week, just for me, just for me being in. And that's when you go, woo! Like, you know what I mean? I would have fucking, I would have sent you away to get 500 right now. I need the money.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Great legs, you know. I thought that's where it was going somewhere else. My mother was going somewhere else My mother's not I heard They're cheers. Okay, I'm sure you've been trashing me plenty. I we didn't mean Gabby have said nothing bad about you The man upstairs bad about you, but the man uptoors. Nobody has called you a, he called you a whore. He said that he called you a lesbian. A lesbian. He said that you're,
Starting point is 00:18:15 you're a nanny, his name Molly, and you're doing Molly. I thought it was a drug. Apparently you're not doing drugs. You're doing Molly the nanny, and your husband, I believe he saidanny and your husband. I believe he said fuck your husband I could do Pizza bill, you know, I think he actually said fuck ladder 14. So let me just call up And fuck ladder 14 so let me just call up the boy
Starting point is 00:18:43 Oh Is it ladder 38? That's where he's we're all just let the guys know and we can check in with you. Nothing, nothing would make me happier. I've seen a red truck pull up in front of the cellar and just beat the tar out of fucking Rob is
Starting point is 00:18:59 And he would start from the top. Face down. They wouldn't give up. I thought they were going to be. Yeah. What? You know, I'm from Philadelphia. I just call those boys over.
Starting point is 00:19:12 I've always been out there. Boys are out there. Oh, yeah. They're dead or in prison. Your boys are dead or in prison. Yeah. You're going to go up. All your boys have lived.
Starting point is 00:19:23 That was completely racist. The dead or in prison. What the hell? All your boys with lip That was specific to you You're a lifelong liar Take race out of it. No one's thinking about it. There's a criminal or an innocent man You are a criminal you are Creed and as every brecht you take is a lie you know how your life your lips are moving yeah that's you're laughing that shit did you just said they're gonna watch you be racist again they're
Starting point is 00:19:57 gonna look for your boys oh where's my boy I thought my boy they're not gonna be there it's gonna be ladder 158 you're gonna go all-fifth for your boys. Oh, where's my boy? I thought my boy, they're not gonna be there. It's gonna be ladder one fifty eight and you're gonna go, Oh, they're gonna bring a service and they're gonna clap right in your dumb face. Yeah. Yeah. And it will be Christmas morning for really, really. You're gonna get a nice action back of an action. You got all every podcast or whatever I gotta do this. I'll be right back. Oh boy. What are you gonna get a? How you gonna get a look at his messing bed in the bathroom. I am. He this, I'll be right back. Oh boy. What are you gonna get? How you gonna get up? Look at his messy bed in the bathroom. I am, he says I'm not a good mom.
Starting point is 00:20:29 I have mom things around. I'm a fun loving mom. Look at this dick and his dumb messy quilt. First of all, look at his uneven frames. I'll be funny if we saw him emptying a bag of piss into something. What's that? Is that a gun?
Starting point is 00:20:44 What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? What? You should know I have a gun. You don't have a muscle control to have a gun. You took it too long to get it though. You don't know how to use the gun key. You don't put your finger on the trigger. Somebody checks his home attendant right now. Don't put your finger on the trigger
Starting point is 00:21:09 I know Rachel please let it go off I hope it hits his computer and he has to buy a new one please Please let it go off Get your finger off the trigger you old. Don't put it in your stomach. Listen, don't put that in your fucking face. Put it down. You're going to shoot your earth when you fire posters. More on.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Gabby, why did you give him shit? You gave him your Republican in the past about having a gun. Give Keith shit. I didn't give you shit about having a gun. You gave the Republican boyfriend that you banged about having an open gun. That's because he had a loose gun on his nightstand.
Starting point is 00:22:00 What do you think this cock sucker? He think he got out of a safe? He has no safe. That's the same. I got it for free. What do you think this cock sucker? He think he got out of a safe? He has no safe What if I was talking about Keith the whole time Rachel Rachel Rachel it's an listen. It's an exit plan. Let him have it All right, let him have it all All right. It's just gonna end whatever he wants to do. Okay. Do you really want to give him rides everywhere in the next
Starting point is 00:22:30 couple of years? I do what I want to do. Right? Yeah. You do what you want. Let me ride. Go ahead. I'm a good man. We should take a word It's only if I couldn't. I'm not a good. No, I'm gonna go. Please someone. I'm in love with God. Now I need to slip my throws. Rachel doesn't want to go. She wants to cut her throat. She wants to get her hard way.
Starting point is 00:22:58 Can we get postpartum depression six months after you have made? I think I'm just going to cut it. Just hit hard. It hit hard. I got hard. It hit hard. It is the thing with you, Rachel. Please. Pete has watched the baby all the whole time. You've done nothing but the comedy solid drinking.
Starting point is 00:23:17 The whole damn time. It's another thing that you are exposed for who you are. Listen, I got a back teeth up. Dawn didn't see the light of day for around two and a half years. I've seen Rachel and more Instagram photos in the last fucking week. Videos, whoo, Biden.
Starting point is 00:23:34 Then I've ever, I've been a person. I know both of you guys miss a different kind of good old days. All right, you, you like it when the men were in charge, Bobby, I know you dream about it tonight when you put out your last cigar when we had it all covered. And you could both go straight to fucking hell. You want to hide us? You want to hide us in a fucking attic for two years. You go out and get shit-based play poker and fuck hookers. And you can all go and suck it, all right? I'll take care of the baby for like 12 hours.
Starting point is 00:24:08 And by the way, if Pete even stops by or gently touches his head, oh my God, see poor Pete, poor Pete, he's overnight at the fire house. I'm on my own all night, up all night. And if I go over half an hour, if I go up for a half an hour, I'm a godless whore for somebody. Oh, no, you are god dollars whore, first of all,
Starting point is 00:24:29 you let the seller from seven to two in the morning. Two in the morning. All right, so let me to say my case. So this is why I'm being charged with. I'm being charged with being at the seller from seven to two in the morning. Okay, so my husband gets home from the firehouse like around 6 a.m. All right, I'm on ball night with the baby every couple hours. I do my work, I hang out, I stay at home,
Starting point is 00:24:50 and then I go to the seller at night and hang out with some friends. So I don't know, let's let the listeners decide. And if they're actually, it's probably not the best idea if they're not a good idea. They're probably on your side. They're on your side today. They're on the other side. They're on your side today. They're loving Rachel
Starting point is 00:25:11 They're actually loving Rachel right now Well, I mean it's kind of slutty you should stay home home. Look, well, wait a minute. Mom, here's a test. The funniest thing is, by the way, keep this a minute. He has a $1 war. Let me talk. Oh my God. Can I just ask you one question before you attack and degrade me? Did you or did you not tell me proudly that you were present for your son's birth and that you've never changed your diaper because that's not what we do. What? I'm a man. I'm a man. I want to say this. I changed. I changed. I changed. I learned how to swaddle. I did a lot of stuff with my baby. A lot of stuff that maybe this guy over to that way. Yep. Hasn't done. Okay. Now Bobby is a good man I'm not sure that gives you a right to say I should be home for two years after I birthed child To that we'll sell my back to that you happen to be a good dad
Starting point is 00:26:16 So you want to lock me up for a couple years fair Keith is probably says was a present was definitely at the OTP when his baby was being born So go on keep Tell me why I'm a bad guy. You should learn it's like this. I'm a I'm a traditional man. I'm a man's man. I'm a man's man. Yeah. No. So a woman is taking care of baby and two is like seven eight then I take your seven or eight. No, Keith, what if it's a girl though? Let it be a girl.
Starting point is 00:26:52 They go higher than a seven to 12. They go higher. Seven to 12 is a huge gap. Let me get the straight. Keith, let me get the straight. So the woman takes care of the baby to to to to eight and then you take over if it's a boy. Dennis you okay. And if it's a girl it's 12 but right now it's Rachel's responsibility. It's all her for the
Starting point is 00:27:16 next eight years. Rachel does that Rachel for real. I'm so look at that. Look at it. Look at it. Look I can see everything there's Rachel's A bra right up there right make Rachel big make Rachel big Keep this everything you don't have keep this family photos friends Everything you don't have. Keith is family photos, friends, little cute things, there's comfortable stuff, there's a life behind Rachel, and behind you, what do we got behind? Mushmaid Keith big.
Starting point is 00:27:53 Let's see what we have. We have nothing. You're like in a hotel room, right? There's nothing. You have a clock that you don't pay attention to ever. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.
Starting point is 00:28:05 I can't. I get the key things I should burn my bra. That's cheese. That's cheese feminist. I would burn my bra. It's day and side. Rachel, I don't think he's home. I think he's in home goods right now.
Starting point is 00:28:17 That is nothing of keys family family or friends but nothing. I got four bedroom apartment, four bedrooms. Keith's absolutely in a Howard Johnson's in Trent right now. Keith, Keith, you have four bedrooms and three of them empty with nothing. No, no, I've answered, you know, my service room is next door. Oh, shut up. Right?
Starting point is 00:28:51 Stop getting real. My home, I got a home, my side bitches room is in. My bitches, my home? Yeah, I said it, my home. What the hell is that? I got a side bitch room. What is that for? Or a side bitch?
Starting point is 00:29:09 Girl, the girl that you're sleeping with, she can't be in the room with you. She has to go to once a room. She has her own room. In this story. Wait, wait, you don't know the side bitches. Yes, I know. We know the bitch is, but why can't you? Let's get it because she's a side bitch. She has a home Slips next to me They're both are both in the house at the same time can you tell the guy leaf blow in your apartment building outside the shop? I thought you lived in a penthouse.
Starting point is 00:29:52 I have a jet pack. How does the leaf guy have a jet pack? You fucking project homo. He's that old man that thinks his nurses are his wives. Every time they change his bed, man. He's like I have side bitch You don't have a balcony you don't have No
Starting point is 00:30:17 You bet those Your paintings like they would click they would be in a McDonald's bathroom They really do I I guarantee P he just brought an iPad to the IKEA little fake rooms that they have Real this is a staging living room where they put very little energy into like a porn That's like a stage a living room when they put very little energy into like a porn But you know, Rachel he's selling real estate. He's named his apartment to sell Every time he does every time he does the podcast. He's in a different room Well, that's to show you what what it is when you want to like me you have different rooms. As Rachel, how many rooms she has? She don't have any rooms.
Starting point is 00:31:09 She has no rooms, you're saying. Rachel, how many rooms do you have in your apartment? I don't think I've ever counted them, such an anger in my room. Let's see. Let's see how many rooms do I have. I guess I would have, are we putting the this in your scale wealth from your fucking How many rooms are on our Johnson's and then we'll start the competition the room competition How many rooms are in the whole Joe's you're staying at Rachel is coming in
Starting point is 00:31:45 Rachel is coming in hot hot hot. Who shut up? Listen. First of all, now, Rachel, this was a great week for you. Had a good time at the seller. Everybody was down there celebrating Biden's win. Did you got who did you have a fun time? Who was down there? What were you do? Let me see. What was I doing? I had I hung out with dumb teeth. He was asleep when I got there. That's not what I was just doing.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Oh. He was fast asleep. He'd been screaming, essentially harassing women. I'm sure as they were passing, I'm trying to get to some leftover celebration plus any exhaustion himself. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:32:23 I don't know. I don't know. He was literally out. He was like like he just had his last bite of sweet potatoes through his straw. Screaming and selling. Oh Is there anything better than the celebration plus Quotes one woman went by and keep was like I think it's a big deal. But I bought that some shit right there. First gentleman. I said, keep things any of that. And then I'm not kidding. As soon as she walked by, he goes, I fuck Kamala at a Howard. The dumbest sentence I've ever heard. First of all, the dumbest part of that is believing that Keith went to college or at the same
Starting point is 00:33:22 time. I did go to college. You went to college or at the same time. I didn't go to college. You didn't go, like you went to the Navy? He stood at the beginning of the show and I was in the Navy for two weeks. For two weeks. And then his mom had to go and get him out. He has to go to college.
Starting point is 00:33:37 He had to go out. I just thought that I would go to college. And where did you go to college? He claims that he went to Howard and gave Kamala hair. This is the exact quote. I gave her 420 pumps and she loved it. So specific. No.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Why? Why would he... He says he can look at a woman and tell how many pumps it is. I hope you meet her someday. She's in this video. Why did you say 420? 420 because I can't count of my pulse. I have a clicker. It's called a piecemate. A piecemate.
Starting point is 00:34:16 You're a piecemate. You're a duck that has a thing. the thing that piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece of piece show coming up to not right I mean oh yes I'm in you mean like on the road I'm in Arlington on the 20 and 19 through the 21st I'm at the Arlington Drafthouse. Yes I like to draft house. So if you guys in the I know actually some of you might be make sure you go check out Rachel help us spread the word on social media. Wasn't this something else you had to promote? But only only if you support women working and bandaging their children because they're worth for two hours of fucking night to make some money for their family, I guess if you support that kind of horrid, disgusting behavior. Well, I mean, you're right now, I mean, you don't need to work.
Starting point is 00:35:16 Your guy does have a stable job. You could. You don't need to work. I had a baby six months ago, and I should quit my fucking job. You don't need a work. It's very unnecessary. It's cute. I guess you try to prove a little feminist point of shit. But let's do it. You can be a whole scrub in the same spot in the floor. You can do it. You can do it. The biggest of the security. I seen your last couple of sets.
Starting point is 00:35:47 Bob's right. You don't need to work. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot.
Starting point is 00:35:58 I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. I'm going to be a fucking idiot. By the way, we're at the seller and are outside the seller and it keeps screaming. Everything I say. At that strings.
Starting point is 00:36:15 I don't like it. Shutter. Me. He doesn't go up. No. He's too drunk. I don't want to go up at the seller too because last time I was there Keith Was just trashing everybody that was on stage. Yeah, that's though. It's like the seller has become
Starting point is 00:36:32 Exactly what I never wanted it to be just to Keith sitting there judging you All you're on fucking stage behind flexing glass and then he slowly gets too drunk to go on because he's on the list But then he's too shit face and too scared that it's going to all come back to him. We need pedals up there with his horse shed. And then he never goes up and just falls into that same dumb chair. If you guys want to see Keith Robbs and wants you try to come and tell him helium company club. Okay. When you had helium. Seven o'clock. This Sunday, Robert, seven o'clock.
Starting point is 00:37:05 That's healing. You can also, you can also at most restaurants get the early bird special at the same time. So seven o'clock Sunday and helium. And helium, Philly, make you check out the heat. I know it's Sunday. Everybody knows you're not working a fr- you don't't get offered Fridays and Saturdays like me and Rachel. I'm gonna be sitting there. I'm gonna sit there working out at the hotel airboxing with Pete next to me with the baby. Just hearing Bobby go, you don't even work
Starting point is 00:37:37 sweetheart. You don't even work. Get my body back pushups. Oh, sweetie. Oh, you're cute that you want to. Where do you should probably be? I'm your, I'm your clever lane. Am I your clever lane? People on my own husband is like, yeah, I am a civil servant. We need two salaries, but I'll hear Bobby going, yeah, it's, it's a little much, little gross, little gross.
Starting point is 00:37:59 Little gross. Well, speaking of you working and Keith, we all did this project a couple of months ago. For Colin Quinn, who called us up to be part of this drive in through the show on HBO Max. I have a little clip Rachel was in it, Keith was in it. Sam J. Marina, Chrissy D. Dan Soda, Rich Voss, his wife Bonnie, myself. I believe that's it, right? Yeah. And Colin. Colin's first directoral debut. And he was actually honest. So let's take a look. We have the clip right here. This is the trailer of the show that's coming up.
Starting point is 00:38:45 Yeah, the trailer. Let me ask you guys this. When's the last time everybody was on stage on a regular basis. As much like much. Hello? Good at me here. Look at all these nice cars. There you go. There's a lot of things. His voice and noise based. So. I don't know why I said yes to this, because I've been doing good in life. Colin wanted us to do new jokes.
Starting point is 00:39:09 He's really kind of an asshole thing to do. Thank you for that flash. I like the honking, by the way. Later, I'll talk about how sexist it was in a Buzzfeed RFHUG. It's been past like two decades, comedians have been sucking our own kids being like, we're artists.
Starting point is 00:39:24 This is clear that we're just mentally ill people shouting at cars. I Play the groan of iris on her nervous culture was only supposed to work in hospitals Yes, let's cut the seat. It's mostly bands glass Funny Holly was the only guy to band that will glasses and God killed him pretty early Yes, yes, it When's the last time Mike was that it's it that was it it's hard to loop what that was it it? That's it. No, it was in a certain delup. What? That was it. It's our delup.
Starting point is 00:40:06 You know what it was? Oh, Robert, was it a little more? I guess you dropped some more. No, I guess who wasn't in the fucking at all the trailer. Oh. You mean? He wasn't in it. I wasn't in it.
Starting point is 00:40:19 Yes, he was. You were in the background. No, you were. I was in the background. I didn't say shit. They showed all the fucking women That's what it is They showed Jim it they showed all the women, but no old guys
Starting point is 00:40:37 John We're off done We're face that's what I realized you know in the like, yeah, I don't want to show these old fucks. No, man, man. Boxes in it. Boss has to be in it because it's in Bonnie's contract. I think I think she actually said that she goes, I know it's hard because you guys want to me and he has to go be here too. Yeah, well, that's pretend you don't have body to get abused. It's a good call.
Starting point is 00:41:14 Keith, you said I'm a man about 40. A real man don't need to keep announcing that. You think Lalo, what I'm 58th, that's on their way over to kick your ass right now, it's going, I'm It's going I'm a man I'm a man 2020 Byton one it's all over with done no more men stuff We're gonna have to talk in secret again
Starting point is 00:41:40 Oh yeah now I would love that Bobby has his armor on you right now in his head and he's gone. You made the wrong choice. Keep shouldn't have voted for Biden. That's the end of the good old days and you're almost buying it. I'm assuming wait a minute Rachel, you're assuming I voted for Trump. Is that what you're saying? You just said Biden won.
Starting point is 00:42:02 Biden won. This is the end. This is the end of men. I'm looking the end. This is the end of men. Yeah, I look at I may be I want the end of men. Maybe this is what I want. Maybe what I want is I want the end of men And I want real men to shoot through the skies and be available for emotional connection with all the women in the world Is this feed on allowed to go outside again, Bobby? Yes. I can't wait. I can't wear pants and phones and all that.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I'm God damn people. I wish you had a baby crying. Feed it, Rachel. Right, right, Rachel. Did you see the show? Did you watch it? I haven't watched it yet and this is for a really funny reason. I couldn't figure the link out. I was going to call, but she might be able to see if he would help me. And if you're listening, we just text him a side thing and tell me to go help me because it wasn't working for some reason.
Starting point is 00:43:11 And when she helped her, you know why you have to click it and then it sends you another link. Yeah, I did. And then it still wasn't working for some reason. So I was like, oh my. That's the best way. I guess I guess you still need men.
Starting point is 00:43:25 I guess I did. Yeah. Hey, I never said I didn't need men. I didn't do anything you can do except pick up a lot of groceries, reach on top of shelf, fix a car and get the internet link to work. But everything else we're eatin'. I still need a man. I just want to go outside.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Do you? Is there a woman? She just wants to be released. I just want to be a last girl. I sometimes. a man. I just want to go outside. Do you? Is there a woman? She's supposed to be released. I just want to be a last girl. Sometimes. Sometimes. What? What? When? When? Where's Frank?
Starting point is 00:43:53 He hits eight. You can go outside. Period. All right. If you get eight, let me become eight. Are you going to get eight? Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Like he doesn't get eight. He turns eight. I don't know. That is a good thing. He turns eight. I didn't say get me. I asked him when Frankie gets eight. I said, from where do you reach his eight years old? You didn't. I mean, they just heard you. Look, mom, we're both dumb. Don't you try to I did. I did say pace peacemaker.
Starting point is 00:44:22 This is dumb on dumb crime. Me and you talking should be legal. No. It was too old, idiots trying to fucking make sense of her shit. Now, so you didn't watch a kid, did you watch it? No, I just came from that dumb ritual. I was. You're not eating, not you watch it. No.
Starting point is 00:44:45 I haven't seen you yet. How was it? Was it good? How was it? It was good. Yes, it was good. I didn't watch it. Did I like it?
Starting point is 00:44:54 No, I didn't. I look at it. I don't like watching myself. I hate watching my stand-up. I don't know. Where was your one? We hate watching you, too. I got it. We got it.
Starting point is 00:45:12 You put the garbage face. Can't we didn't get it at first? I think I'm burning up from this conversation. My fever is rising. So I watched myself, too, as hard as I was. But I watched it. And I was fucking great. They it wasn't they didn't put like a whole set to front to beginning and then you got to end on your lap, you know, open with your first yoga and end on your last joke.
Starting point is 00:45:38 So it wasn't it was more of a chopped up version of it because they'd show some time and they cut back to the end and some people got to say thank you that's it and some people didn't but it was more it was it really was kind of back and forth you know what he what he did so it actually was an interesting it was a different type of special it wasn't what I thought it was going to be I thought it was going to be us Boston balls and then somebody's whole set and then usbos and balls. It was more sporadic than that. It was kind of chaotic, almost like the way it really is there. Right. I don't have time to.
Starting point is 00:46:16 I said that I was talking shit and then back to that. So I know, I know you think I should be burned alive for being part of the special, but what how did you think? You know, which pile for just for Rachel. I do not think you should burn alive I think you should be pushed your head and water and you get to tell the truth and If you die from that then you know what you're not a witch By the way from that then you know what you're not a witch. And if you live, you're a witch. By the way, one point Bobby said to me in front of me, he's like, you don't need to do all this traveling around
Starting point is 00:46:52 and running around, trying to prove some point about them. It is, if I continue my hair job, you should relax. So I said to me after I was like, do you think it's true that the guy just should be home? And he was like, no, we need money, you need to turn. I'm a fireman in New York City. We're not rich. But so Bobby, I know that if you can place that aside, how terrible a mother I am that I went out to be part of that. Was I okay? Did I do okay? Because I'm scared. I, Rachel, you are did amazing. You really, you would, keep them, keep them, keep them watch it and be shocked.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Bye. Bye. God, tell me where you told me. Yeah, I'm questionable. Rachel, you said, Rachel, broke my heart. Rachel, Rachel, do not fall for his bullshit. It's a trap.
Starting point is 00:47:42 It's a trap. It's a trap move right there. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. He was a boy. You know, she's a boy with a whole pie cast. You're the first thing you said when you came on the show was that she was on dirty horse. Listen to me, Rachel, everybody did great. Everybody was fucking great, man. Everybody did great. The only one that thought he didn't do great was Christy,
Starting point is 00:48:23 but it was kind of a funny through line they had to the whole thing because, but he did great too, everybody did great. Everybody looked great, that sounded great, behind the scenes was great. It was a fun, different type of special. I was glad, but here's the funny part, people don't know, or maybe they do know, is that five minutes out, you call me and go,
Starting point is 00:48:43 you where are you guys? And I go, I don't know what the fuck you talking about. And Keith was like, hang up on it. And I'm like, what is it? He said you want to pick me up. And I was like, I never even fucking heard that. We're at the gig. We're here.
Starting point is 00:49:00 And you're like, fuck, he not only did it on the way there, on the way back, I go, are we ready we ready he goes yeah, he goes let's go Let's go just go and we take off we get to the seller and you show up like you guys did it again He the same night he You said to him can I go at you? And he said yeah, never told me Never told me and then we just showed up at the fucking seller and then he denied it I'm waiting outside waiting with my dumb second outfit and my stupid sad second outfit holding it waiting I live two minutes from the fucking place just had a baby two months before
Starting point is 00:49:37 Just waiting for my friends to pick me up. What does Keith say? Ah sure, dummy will pick you up great fun Pick me up. What does Keith say? I sure don't mean we'll pick you up. Great fun. Pecos, do you want to ride now and now Keith and Bobby are my friends and they're going to pick you up. We're my friends. Rachel, I want to pick you up. You haven't told me. I took a fucking over because I was standing out there and the girl from the production, where are you? I said, well, Keith and Bobby are picking me up. Well, they're here having a grand old time.
Starting point is 00:50:06 Monsters. And then after the show, after I fall for twice, here's where I'm the dummy. Here's where Bobby might have a point about me to stay home for a while. Because then I get done and keep goes, you want to ride? We're all going to go eat it. The seller should have ran. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Come on. Meet my man for all right. Okay. I'm maybe you'll make it up to me. Come on. No one inside. No one there. We left so fast. So we're the seller. Rachel, I've never seen somebody so angry and sad at the same time. She got out of the car. I looked at Geek and I was like, what the fuck is it? Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:50:51 I love Rachel, but Rachel's, she's been a pain in the ass for years for years. I live two minutes from the said you could just pick me up on the way it was so mean he drove all the way from failure, but ever secret workplace in the toll-boat, he lives in church. And he drives all the way here. Pick some bobby. I was fun at the cell, a nice lunch. Couldn't just I'm two minutes for the production. I live in Williamsburg, like right near there. Nope, doesn't tell me, doesn't see. Why? Now look, this what happens with Keith on podcasts.
Starting point is 00:51:34 He runs out of energy because his blood sugar gets low and his heart slows down. So we have to understand what's happening right now. Keith, you have pack snacks. You should be snacking. Yeah, go get some cheeses in the other room. Get your blood sugar back up. Have some. One minute back out of go. But here's the thing. What I'm saying about Rachel. Here's a thing like from from years years ago, just years, you know, we've
Starting point is 00:51:57 been known Rachel for over 20 years. So your point got up and started point. No, I'm just trying to show you Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,, you know. Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop. Tell this story. We're gonna stop the YKWD, regular one right now. Thank you for listening everybody. We're gonna do the extra 10 right now, behind this story is for the extra 10
Starting point is 00:52:38 on patreon.com, says Robert Kelly. Go there right now, become a member every week. You get all kinds of great stuff. Keith Robinson, Rachel, see Keith this weekend at Philly at Helium Comedy Club. See Rachel, where are you Rachel? I'm at Arlington Draftass on 19 through the 21st of October. And Mike V. Suarez on Instagram, correct Michael? That is correct.
Starting point is 00:53:05 Okay, thanks. And then he's so slow. And Gabby, what do you got, baby? At Gabby is Brian on Instagram and Twitter and I have a podcast, you know about it. Listen, if you can. And sign up for my comedy newsletter. You should have more credit for the headliners.
Starting point is 00:53:22 Okay. Just one credit, that's all they need. I mean, Keith and they've been in the business'm playing Call Me. I'm not gonna talk. You're the worst. Patreon.com says Robert Kelly go there right now. All right, well, everybody go see Keith this weekend and helium comedy club and Philly. One night only. I'm gonna do this other thing on TikTok. I'm playing Call Me.
Starting point is 00:53:38 I'm not gonna talk. You're the worst. Patreon.com says Robert Kelly go there right now. All right, Well, everybody go see Keith this weekend at Helium Comedy Club in Philly. One night only Sunday night at five o'clock. Oh, sorry. Seven o'clock. They have the early bird special. You can get there early. The show's only 40 minutes long. Um, what? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:09 That's hilarious. No, he's, listen, he's one of the best. He's the funniest he's ever been. I hate to say it. It bugs me to say it. But it's, uh, he's killing it right now. So if you're in the Philly area, anywhere in the area, drive up, go see him, get your tickets now, and Rachel, we have to reach four weeks from now.
Starting point is 00:54:35 What's that? Our gig is four weeks from now. I know, I got a gig Friday at another drive in, in Coney Island. Whoa, I'll go to that. Where am I, where am I mush? gig Friday at another drive in in in Coney Island. Whoa. I'll go to that. Where am I? Where am I mush?
Starting point is 00:54:49 Let me check. Um, oh, that was sweet. Yeah, I like that voice. Can you have that voice all the time? Fine. That's a great voice. It this, this, this voice makes Keith infuriated. Yeah, but it doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Who'd you rather be a Keith mad on me? I was going to try to tell the joke. Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Who would you rather be a he's mad on me? I was just trying to tell the joke. I'm sorry. I'm gonna get for an epitheter of November 13th at book in book in New York. What what is it called again? For an epitheter. Okay great. Check it out. That's Friday. That's Thursday night. What are you saying, Rach? I just think so. My gig is in since he can't count. I think my gig is in a couple of weeks, about two weeks. But you think also that I shouldn't be allowed to work. I shouldn't be working at all.
Starting point is 00:55:30 No, you should definitely work. But I mean, listen, you don't have to really, I mean, don't kill yourself. I mean, look, you can make everybody giggle at me. If your body was made for, to birth and stay at home, if your money is to pay for the nanny, just stay home and be the nanny. Oh, my God. I made a good point as a great suggestion. I know.
Starting point is 00:56:05 Shit Rachel listen. You're The funniest fucking people out there. I love you. You can't stay home You're too funny to stay home. You're one of my favorite one of my favorite people. Let me finish You just gave me the same deal. I'm lying about you. I didn't say Rachel has potential. Rachel has fucking a future. Rachel's gonna book a deal, get a show. She's gonna be like huge after this coronavirus. They're just waiting on her. What if a show she's gonna be like huge after this coronavirus this is waiting on her her whatever show that waiting to give her right now I mean dude you being who are in this fucking calling for three minutes Rachel Sanjay and Bonnie and
Starting point is 00:56:57 Marina with the stars okay I'm locking my wagon to a skirt, not a ponytail. Oh my God. Uh, uh, all right. Well, you got the names. I have to read these names. Do we have any names? It's what you do. Well, let's read. Let's let you guys want you.
Starting point is 00:57:17 Keith, you got to go. Right? Do you want to stick around? I can read them. Keith has nowhere to be. That's a lie, but I can read any names. Okay. I, well, I read the names, but sometimes I mess up.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Okay. Okay. Okay, here we go. You ready? Zach Brazzius. Nope. Zach Brazzius. Let me give it a shot.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Go ahead. Zach. Brazzius. That was re-gall, I liked that. Paul O'Ferro for Euros. I don't know what the fuck Euros are. So Kevin daily gets Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing. Wow Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing.
Starting point is 00:57:58 10 bucks. What's up, Succa? We got Brad Falsom. That's Keith was in Fts him for a few years. Folsom, tell me. Tyson Webb, Spencer, Trummel, and we got Christian. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING A-F-Fuck you, too, you f-fuckin' piece of shit. Go fuck yourself, Robinson. Fuck you. Boom. A-Fuck off.
Starting point is 00:58:51 Uh, put your right in your face. Right, and the best part is Keith doesn't have to sign off of anything. He can't even... There it is. He's gonna hang up. Still, but Keith Robinson, everybody. Keith, 8.7..764 on Instagram. I don't even know what his Keith,
Starting point is 00:59:07 he's gonna come name. He's gonna change that. Keith Robbins in 4.38. You're telehealth diabetic business starting now. Just open the other window, dummy. You're gonna get your sugar up. You're gonna be a diabetic public. We'll put some of that fake cologne on.
Starting point is 00:59:25 What? We're live. I hate you, fucking. I guarantee that's a nursing home. I guarantee you as an old white roommate named Gary in the other room. Which is in a rocking chair. I'm going to go. Gary is a side piece. That's a side piece. I'm a guy. I'm going to go. Gary is a side piece.
Starting point is 00:59:45 That's a side piece. He says side. I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, Grimm, he's been gay for 30 years. Just live with old Gary, his sugar daddy. It would answer so many questions. That's exactly what I'm going to ask. In a closet, that must be it. God damn it.
Starting point is 01:00:02 Yeah. He just, he just, he just a side piece himself. Gary MacMiner MacMiner is side bitch. He met Keith. He was the producer of Star Search and Keith met him back of the day and sucked his dick. They made love in the back hall. love in the back hall. Oh, man. Anyway, Ray, you did a great job on this show. You did a nice love you. You're a fucking awesome.
Starting point is 01:00:31 And I love you so much. Tell your husband. I said, hi. I'll give you the baby. Yes. All right. I will love you guys. I didn't don in the baby for me.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Are the kids? God, he was so cute. And my friends were so obsessed with him with the seller at that night. And I love you. Oh, good. Good. I want to come down this week
Starting point is 01:00:45 We'll get together. All right. Let's hang out. Bye guys. Bye. Bye Oh my god. Why do you never hang out with me when you're in the city? Because you have COVID Yeah, but before I have COVID because you're boring. Okay good point Every time we have a guest and we're like oh, let let's, you're like, let's link up in the city and I'm sitting there like this. Gabby, you don't read my newsletter. You don't hang out with me.
Starting point is 01:01:12 What's the, what is this? What is this pen pal? Okay, Gabby. I mean, I don't, I don't know. I hang out with a second. Okay, you want this, is this what you want? What? What's your name again?
Starting point is 01:01:25 You know it Gabby Brian Hmm I'm looking for your newsletter right now. What's the newsletter called you told me that you would read it's called you've got you've got male bitch You told me you would read it four days ago. I did read it hang on you've You four days ago. I did read it. Hang on, you've... You've... I need to take a tile and all. Hell, I deleted it.
Starting point is 01:01:52 Your face is shit. Can you send it to me again? I don't have it. Where did you put it under? Sometimes it goes to your promotions. Okay, I am going to read it. Gabby has a, he's telling me what it's a, was I in it? No. Oh, the why am I
Starting point is 01:02:09 going to read it? Unsupportive. I am the most supportive of you. Everybody please go to Gabby's mailing list. What's it called? It's called you've got mail, bitches, a link in my Instagram bio and Twitter. And what, what are you doing it? It's a comedy essays. And when do you do them once a month? The next one is coming out next week. So subscribe now And Gabby has COVID I have called it. I'm profusely sweating. I felt my temperature rising during this Are you okay? Do you feel all right? Yeah, I'm fine. What's happening? What happened to you with the COVID? I got COVID in Nashville. And what were you in Nashville for again?
Starting point is 01:02:49 I was working on a production trip. And why... And why... And why are you... And why are you unmasked and doing the wrong thing? No, I... We actually think that our DP came in with COVID and we just didn't know. And then we got it from him.
Starting point is 01:03:06 Did you have sexually random guy? I had sex with two random guys. And that's not even in the equation. No, because one of them had antibodies and then one of them got sick from COVID from me. It's how do you know it's from you? I mean, he could have given it to me, but our DP had it before him.
Starting point is 01:03:26 Really? Yeah. So you had sex with two guys? Yeah. Yes. One of them was like, I showed it now, the second one, I have a crush on. The first one I was like, I was drunk on tequila. But why did you had sex with unprotected?
Starting point is 01:03:45 Of course protected. You sure you're not lying to me? Yeah, you had a gun. Yeah, I was, I have the gum in my head the whole time. It was fully, I was protected. You were protected. All right. And so what did, what did you, did you kiss?
Starting point is 01:04:04 Yeah. Did you touch as we we without protection? Do you know what sex is? Just let me talk to you this way. It makes it better for me. Do you know how sex works? Yeah, because I usually will kiss, grab a booby and then take my ding-ding out
Starting point is 01:04:20 and then she'll touch my ding-ding with her wet mouth and then we have sex. And then you put a rubber on you have sex Okay Is that what happened? Sure Yeah, but it isn't a blowjob unprotected sex Well, I only give a blowjob if you are unbelievably hot
Starting point is 01:04:39 So I didn't give the first guy a blowjob, but I did give the second guy a blowjob You're so fucking unbelievable. So you won't give the first guy a blowjob, but I did give the second guy a blowjob. You're so fucking unbelievable. So you won't look, I would without apps. No, what's the, I have to look at something. What if, what if he had like three apps? Like he has three apps, or no two, like four apps, but down the little, the bottom where his belly button is is kind of a little punchy.
Starting point is 01:05:01 He better have a great personality. So if he has a great personality and a little punch, you'll fucking you'll blow him. Sure, but if he has, if he's dumb as a rock but has a rock hard six pack, I will blow him. No matter what. Now, will both penis is okay? They were fine. Just fine. I mean, they're like white guy penis, so it's just they're fine. Why do you gonna be racist against white guy penis? I love white guy penis. I'm not being racist.
Starting point is 01:05:29 It's just generally just fine. But you say you love it, but it's fine. Fine doesn't mean love it. Let me say something. I'll tell you right now, macaroni with just sauce on it is fine. Fucking American shop, Sui. So fucking awesome. I love it. I would say 2% of the white male population has America Chop Sui dick. Why does it make sense? I'm glad we came
Starting point is 01:05:59 up with a new scale of measuring people's fucking dates. Okay, okay. Um, mush got a great one today. Yeah. That was great. Um, mush, what else do we got? Well, you're also going to be with Miss Pat and Austin Texas on Friday, December 4th. And then it's eight on here. Yes. Um, right. We also did that. We did. So I'm back in the mix today. We had a great time out in Florida. Tampa. We had a fantastic culture and Kelly weekend. The culture and Kelly live was amazing. It was a lot of fuck ups. We're going to be talking about it tomorrow on the culture and
Starting point is 01:06:44 Kelly. I don't want to talk about it now because I want Mike to be here, but there was a lot of fuck ups. We're gonna be talking about it tomorrow on the Coffin Kelly. I don't wanna talk about it now because I want Mike to be here, but there was a lot of fuck ups, right, Mosh? I had a plan and they could've gone better, yes. The story of it is a great story and it can be awesome tomorrow. So, and then we, and then we, yes,
Starting point is 01:07:02 it just goes to show that even though I'm tyrannical sometimes, it's because it gets certain things done. I don't think you're tyrannical. I think you're, you have like OCD. Yes, I do, and it works, and it makes shit right. I think sometimes it's like, you're like, well, all right, we got it, but then sometimes it makes sense. Of course, I actually catch a lot of mistakes with my OCD.
Starting point is 01:07:25 Don't know. We do. So anyways, it was a lot of that, but the show wound up fucking being amazing. The live, first live, Coffin Kelly at Side's butters was fucking amazing. Keith, Norton, Voss, Colin, Steve Burns, actually came in, surprise guests, was there, came on stage with us. We had ladybugs up the ass with it. Thank you for showing up. Ladybugs all weekend. All five shows were fucking amazing. I mean, I'm murdered. I mean mush. I mean you always murder. I just complimented you. That's what you say. thank you very much. I was waiting for much to say something to but apparently
Starting point is 01:08:07 You said you said my name, but I wasn't sure what was going after that because you interrupt but not in a bad way to give a A good compliment, but No, you were killing all weekend, man. It was awesome It just didn't do it But yeah, no the shows are fucking great are great. All you ladybugs showed up. It was fucking Greg was there. Fucking crumb on was there. Brian was there. We had we had we had we had we had I found out that we have secret ladybugs too. What's happening? That means that they're not really in the they're not really in the thing. They don't really they're not vocal
Starting point is 01:08:43 like everybody else, but they they they're they're ladybugs. They you know, they in the thing. They don't really, they're not vocal like everybody else, but they, they're, they're, they're ladybugs. They, you know, they love the podcast. They love the show and they love being part of the Patreon. So that's awesome. And it was great weekend. All weekend was great. And what else? What else? Much. Oh, we got a lot more stuff coming up with the show. Again, it's Tuesday through Saturday night Catherine Kelly got to be on Patreon watch a lot get the Friday show exclusively for patreon and be part of the Saturday night jerk off party Yeah, you're gonna be patreon.com slash rubber Kelly make sure you join up subscribe like This right here in comments. Well fuck comments, but subscribe and like To the you know what dude We, I'm doing two things. I'm gonna be starting up a new workout program
Starting point is 01:09:31 coming up, I believe next week. I'm gonna do it next week. Get back into working out. I'm gonna start it this week. I'm gonna do it next week for a month. Oh, I wanna do that. Can I do that with you? Can you wait until I'm done with my fucking speech?
Starting point is 01:09:49 Sorry, go. Before you make it about you, it's not gonna bother. I really is. It's like I'm gonna fucking kid. Doing a podcast with making, I wanna do that too, Dad. Shut the fuck up.
Starting point is 01:10:00 That's exactly our relationship. So anyways, so yes, I'll be doing it next week. And yes, you can do it. Moush is doing it too. I want, I missed a bunch of people on the first ones who are gonna be doing it next week. And then what else?
Starting point is 01:10:16 Oh yeah, make sure you go to my website. I'm having my wife up there this Friday is one of my last shows in New York City. And then I'm going to Austin for the fourth and the fifth with Miss Pat. Miss Pat is fucking hilarious. One of my favorite people, I'm so excited that I get to do it.
Starting point is 01:10:34 It was supposed to be me and Ron Bennington, but Ron isn't doing it. And then they will like Miss Pat and I was like, oh, that's awesome. So I'm very excited about that. At the Paramount Theater at Austin, get your tickets now. Go to Moon Tower on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, and click on the link.
Starting point is 01:10:52 Tell them you come and tell them you're coming to see me and Ms. Pat, and there you go. Spread the word, and that's it. Gabby, Brian, make sure what do you got, Gab? At Gabby's Brian on Instagram and Twitter, sign up for my newsletter. I swear it's funny. And I have a podcast called Una Bash podcast, and I'm excited to not have a
Starting point is 01:11:12 COVID anymore. Yeah, well, it's great. I'm on day eight of quarantine. Yeah, well, 14 days, sweetie. Much what do you got? 10. Not COVID yet, but we'll see what happens in the next three days, but also I'm also going to call in an envelope. Why also why does came back from Florida so it'd be fun
Starting point is 01:11:28 You definitely got it Followed at Mike Fees Wars and of course on Captain Kelly and the Red Decast Awesome, and I am Robert Kelly. Thank you for tuning into you know what dude. You know what? Let's see you next week ¡Chonning into you know what dude, you know what dude! We'll see you next week. La región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea
Starting point is 01:12:14 Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com you you you you you

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