Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - L. Ron Tubbard
Episode Date: January 30, 2017This week on YKWD: We have Anthony Cumia, Casey Balsham, and Paul Virzi! We talk about Lauren performing stand up on Paid or Pain, #womensmarch, and the less-than-glamorous world of owning a primitive... dog! Watch/Listen and enjoy! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com.
Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth.
This is going to be a clash-define podcast.
It's podcast, no rules.
I'm not going to the mic, asshole.
I'm sure I've already said should I regret it?
Can I get a microphone?
No, what the fuck?
That was trying to keep it like a comic head.
I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down
Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's a
No directions. I love doing it
Side of it. That's what I want to host.
You want to do you think my podcast is popular? I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com.
Woo! Alright, fucking do this. Hell of a show tonight, people. We're getting into this motherfucker right now.
I just walked off stage.
Woo, ran upstairs.
Woo!
Rick Flair in this motherfucker.
Woo!
Ah!
This is hard.
You breathe, no more cigar.
Sorry, sir.
So the scent went well, I'm imagining it.
I killed it.
I can feel the confidence.
It's losing out of you.
Yeah.
Right up front, I want to say thank you.
Right here.
Where's the thing right there?
Thank you.
Let me tell you something right now, man.
Keith, this guy right here is fucking great.
Keith Caramello, I believe his name is, right?
That is his name.
Yep.
And he's at the tattoos by Keith.
Is that my camera?
Look at that motherfucking beautiful thing.
Yep, he actually has a commercial on our show
from way back when he was my one testimony for being a guy
that could help people with streams.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah.
And that awful, awful plug that I had for myself back then,
but a yes week guy, great guy.
Hold on for a second, great artist.
I mean, look at man, we have a lot of great artists,
but look at this fucking beautiful. Whoa. Oh my God, I mean look at man. We have a lot of great artists, but look at this fucking beautiful. Oh my god. I love that
Kind of makes it look like a criminal, but I love it. I want to look tough. Yeah, I'm sick of looking like a fucking chubby dad
I mean just a beautiful letter. I don't want to read it on the air because I don't want to embarrass him because he seems like a pretty tough guy
But just been a fan from the beginning.
I'm talking to Roser and me talking about food and tech all the way through Kelly, Dan Soda,
Truth, Louis G. J. Gomez, and I mean, Jesus Christ, man.
Now he's got his own podcast, tattoopodcast.com.
Go check it out. I'm going to get a new tattoo on my son, my friend.
So maybe you, we can work this out. I come see you. We get a nice tattoo. My last tattoo
will be for Maximus. What are you thinking? Just a depiction of him, maybe the
world. Tid to tit Maximus and fucking Roman lettering. You could draw him like he was
sucking your tape. I'm not going to do that. I'm not a asshole. You're a good father good fan
I want let's get in this. I want to thank him. I want to make sure yeah, thank him. What else we got?
Just a couple of quick orders of business. Come on follow us on all our social media platforms Facebook Twitter Instagram and YouTube
Thank you so much for doing that. Don't tune out stay the fucking if you hit that 15 second button right now
I'll break your finger.
I could have shown a titty and you'd miss it.
Oh, she's gonna show a titty at some point.
She's gonna show.
I'm gonna really promise that so early on.
There it is, all.
What else we got?
Be sure to use our Amazon link for all your purchases.
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We got another creeps with kids.
I just booked today.
Crepes with kids, I believe it's March 6th.
I'm doing another creeps with kids.
The lineup is fucking ridiculous.
Can you say who was on it?
I can't right now, but it's common.
Great, I'm gonna say. It it's common great. It's common baby
It's common sweet. So please
I mean, this is I can't wait to announce this show cruise with kids
It's gonna go up on the comedy cell website very soon and it's another epic and I'm doing my own hour at the pussy cat
Come in March cool. I'll give out that day too when it's a little closer.
I don't want to sell it out now.
I'm selling it out there.
You can see it's right now.
Anyway, so.
Oh my God, so sexy.
Is that the cue for the next thing?
Yes.
I actually like when guys do that.
Mm.
Yeah.
All right, so there's a couple of things
we can talk about up top.
What's up?
We can talk about Lauren's appearance
on serious satellite radio doing stand-up comedy.
I know.
What do you have it? No, I try to get permission couldn't get it
Fuck them from who just get it. I also just couldn't find it so okay
Lang's actually I have two excuses cuz I care Bob. Here's the thing. It's great
And I love honesty. I always tell both you just tell the truth and I'm fucking move on. All right, so was it funny?
Well, okay, so she's on this gimmick
I'm gonna I'm gonna go easy on Lauren. It's commendable.
You know what's commendable, Bob?
She allowed, she gave me permission to play the audio
of the set on the show.
Really?
If I got it.
She probably sucked nine cogs at having fucking deleted.
Yeah.
It was all just to sound confident to me.
Yeah, E-Rock and fucking Travis.
Yeah.
Every Friday from the Benning Show, Benning, I think that the fucking suck my dick. Yeah. Every's ready from the bending show bending.
I think that the fucking suck my dick.
Sorry, she was on this gimmick show,
and that's not a bad thing,
but she was on the gimmick show where every fucking show
is a gimmick show now, except of the comedy seller.
Go ahead.
All right, so this show where a comic does a little bit of time,
and then after the time is done,
the audience decides if the comic gets paid
or if they get mistreated or if they
got paid. Did you get paid? Of course they did. What did you get? What do I want? Before
we get to that. I really, my dick got, my dick got the gut in the deep hole.
Alright, so I saw on Twitter that she was going on stage to do the set and I was freaking
out because like there's that one in a hundred chance. She might kill it. She might kill
it. Oh, she's a prodigy. Yeah.
Oh my God.
And then like, you know, I just sound like a toll asshole.
Yeah, you sit over here and I'll be right back.
Yeah, I'm back.
Yeah, she's with Dave Becky.
She's her and Louis are fucking doing a show together.
Fucking Barry Cass is representing her.
Yeah, I'm happy.
Wow, I'd say Dave Becky is the fucking...
I'm going Serp.
Yeah, I was gonna go Serpico, but Serpico is too good.
Okay, I know I want to make it funny. I'm going Serp. Yeah, I was gonna go Serpico, but Serpico's too good. Okay, I know I wanna make it funny.
I'm sorry.
Suarann is undeniable.
That's Barry Katz.
Yeah, I know, that's only a reference.
Serpico went, she's good.
She's good, what are you gonna say?
She's good.
So anyway, I'll do something with that.
Yeah.
So anyway, I saw the tweet of her going on stage.
I'm freaking out.
And then five minutes later, I thank God
that they announced that she did not get paid.
Well, I gotta say this.
It wasn't my greatest at all.
You don't need to say that, you know.
But a lot of people wanted me to get the dominatrix.
Of course, okay, so what they do.
So, Shulee, John Lester, were judging.
Oh, that motherfucker.
Shulee.
So basically what happens is you pick a card.
We're gonna get Shulee on the show, by the way.
Yeah, yeah, I talked to him.
Okay, good. Um, pick a card. We're gonna get you on the show by the way. Yeah, yeah, I talked to him. Okay, good.
Yeah, kind of.
Um, pick a card.
The worst thing is the lecture shock therapy and they zap you.
Of course, I fucking pick that card right in my asshole.
And you're, you gotta take your pants down?
No, I didn't, but she shoved that.
Who should?
The Dominae Tricks chick.
Oh, God.
I know.
Oh, my, I'm riding her like a farm animal. Yeah. Sorry. How did it feel?
It actually didn't feel that bad.
Yeah, because most of your fucking dildos probably had that option.
It actually was pretty cool, but it fucking hurt.
And I had like a red mark on my asshole.
Later, again, you mean another red mark on that?
Yeah.
The third.
Except it like tightened it instead of loosened it up.
Haha.
Alright, that's fucking hilarious. Is that coming up fucking let's just go we're running late. Did you
March for this weekend Bob. No, I did not march. Oh, no should I have marched? Oh, what I marching because there was a lot of lesbian chubby lesbians
I got to fit right in people could get mad at you for saying you're not marching man. What are you talking about?
People get mad people get mad. You're not there. You're not participating. Everyone's like you got not marching, man. What are you talking about? People get mad. People get mad, you're not there, you're not participating.
Everyone's like, you got to support women,
women are down-shrodden.
I, there's nothing for me to march.
I can't.
Why would they say to me?
Why would they get mad?
I don't know, man.
I don't think so.
I don't think people get mad at me.
I'm, I gotta, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a,
Well, it depends what you were doing.
That's a big question.
Where were you saturday, if I'm-
I was watching Saturday?
Yeah. I was playing with my child. You know, was watching Saturday? Yeah, I was playing with my child
You know, that's more important. So I was playing with my child. I was actually I protested and I think I love my sign here
You want to see my son who protested? Yeah, I marched you're kidding. I care. Oh my god, please
Let me see the sign. Hey Casey Balscherm here. Let me see this sign. Sure. Yeah, who's that? Hey, Rosie
Look at you two come on and sit down Let me see this sign. Sure, yeah, yeah. Who's that? Hey, Verzy! What's up?
Look at you, too.
Come on and sit down.
What's that brother?
Okay.
How you doing, man?
What's your sign?
All right.
Depot.
Hey, Paul, what's going on?
Oh my god.
Can you sit over there?
All right, so this was my sign.
What does it say?
It says, what does it say?
Do it all.
I'm incredible, lazy.
Do it all. I'm incredibly lazy what what the
I'm fine with women taking over everything. Are you serious? Yeah, did you really march with that sign? Yeah
They were I got I got a whole crowd of guys to chant it with me too. Are you kidding me?
Do it all we're incredibly lazy do it all we're incredibly lazy? Well, it's incredibly worthy too
You should have somebody fucking maybe punch up your sign for you. Maybe a headliner
I try calling you you were busy
Um, I have a first draft and then you went over it. Well, I have two versions. I have my second chance their body is their choice
Their body their choice and then I wrote except Lauren Cubera down here. Why except Lauren. What does that mean? You can't like everybody?
Oh my god, that's just so fucking mean.
I'm just throwing a little stank in there.
People got it.
People got it.
They're like, yeah, I agree.
I did not.
And here's a guy I know didn't protest on Saturday.
Look, everybody gets nervous when he walks in.
Hey, come on.
Jesus, that jacket is just fully annoying.
Where's your girl?
Oh, she was paying. She's paying? Didn't dinner something. Would's your girl? It's, oh, she was paying, so from a,
she's paying?
Didn't dinner something.
Would you find her, my calling?
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, my God.
This woman's lip thing is really working.
Yeah, see, I'm free quality.
Oh, here's my card.
I look good on the camera.
Once in a while, I catch myself and I look all right.
Every once in a while, Paul vert. I look all right. Every once in a while Paul vert.
Let's introduce everybody.
Please.
All right.
So our first guest today is Paul Verzi, one of my mother fuckers right here.
One of the funny skies walking next dude coming up.
I don't know if he drooled had a stroke on the way up the stairs.
I know he because I know Paul.
Let me tell you something that outfit is perfect.
Okay. And for him to have that, that outfit is perfect. Okay? Wow.
And for him to have that, he's panicking right now.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't, yes.
What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?
How do you gonna do?
You probably gonna go buy another shirt.
We smoking, right?
Yeah, we're smoking, right?
Yeah, all right, that's all right.
That's all right.
We're gonna say like we're crack addicts.
Let's settle down.
We're smoking, right, Paul?
Okay, all right, I'm gonna do the podcast.
I swear, fuck it, I'm gonna smoke it,
that came in here.
Yeah.
Put cigars in this so people know what I'm fucking doing
Of course who else we got we also Casey Bolsham. Oh, hey, what's happening? How you doing? What's going on?
You haven't been on a long time. Well, you've been no I really doing nothing
You know you could lie we're not checking
Nobody's fat checking your career right now. You could have just said I just wrote my pilot and
You know waiting for development season
Yeah, then I'm doing all of that what going to life for pilot season. I really know I've never been and I've never been never been
What's wrong with you? I listen? I don't know
We got a we got a few fans coming up tonight. Oh shit Dante's twin is here. Not to tease this Christ. He's on fire
You're a badass don't kill me
You have every right to triangle him if you want look at this. Oh, this couch is I'm gonna
Swish big for
Yes, buddy, what do you know fucking bolt these guys are gonna come in?
Fuck you think I way guess me on the fucking recliner for four people
Look at it. I don't know fucking me and me were walking in the door
He's fine. You're fine. Hi sweetie. How are you?
And we have one more guess where maybe your girl will sit over here though.
I'll sit over there somewhere.
I'll move over. I'm whatever.
I stay right there that we got the camera set up with things. You can't move. It's production, right?
Ah, that's, I see it's a lot lighter in here than it usually is.
Oh, you want to fuck it?
No, no, I'm just saying. It's production value.
We splurge for light.
Nice.
Nice.
And our last guest today is from compound media, Anthony Cumin.
Oh, thank you.
Here he is, my baby boy.
What's up, dear?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, did the show today and then came by here.
Just was hanging out with Jimmy Norton.
I love how you do.
The little wild downstairs.
I love it.
It's always fun.
You're so nonchalant.
You're never, I've never seen you stressed out.
I've never seen you. You come in, you're always,
hey, what's the same energy?
I mean, I think the night you got fired,
you were like, yeah, things happen.
No.
No.
Probably not.
And I remember when another instant, maybe a year ago,
that I might not have been.
Don't talk about that.
I don't have to get a court.
He was on your show.
Is it all done? It's all done. Thank God, yeah. It was all done, just like that. a year ago that I might not have been, don't talk about that, I don't have to get a court.
He was on your show, is it all done?
It was all done, thank God, yeah.
It was all done in December.
Really?
It was all done, yeah.
Crazy.
Well the nightmare of that was.
Yeah, I mean, it showed you,
a great national nightmare.
It showed you how crazy the social media is.
It just gets nuts.
Everybody has a film crew with them now.
Yeah, you gotta watch out.
You gotta watch out.
You have to watch out.
People putting you on their periscopes
and live streams and Facebook and.
It's the future.
No, yeah.
It's the fucking future, man.
It's not I can, we can do more than Captain Kirk did for God's sake.
Oh, absolutely.
Imagine years ago, if you just like, we're at work, you did something, maybe you stole some office supplies.
And then you get home, you go to turn on Manics, and you're on TV robbing the supplies.
You'd be free be free. Why?
This is was being recorded and now everyone's saw it and knows it. That's where we're living. It's crazy
And there's nothing you could do about it. Well, there's something you could do about it
There's something you could do about it. Don't fucking Jay crazy. Brods were fucking Paris. Oh, Pat accounts
Maybe take the phone and throw it your pool. Dumb dumb.
You're going to fucking huge top in your backyard.
Just I know that's true.
They fucking made the at least the phone.
You can always just push a broad in a pool.
That's why I got my phone because fucking the commercial little Wayne porn champagne on
the fucking thing.
And I'm never going to.
Yeah, I'm never going to do that. I'm never gonna, yeah, I'm never gonna do that.
I'm never gonna do it.
You're not gonna push your pain?
You're not gonna push your pain?
No.
I'm not gonna push not, because you're not an asshole, Paul.
You're not gonna take champagne.
And if you bought champagne, you're celebrating something.
You're not doing it for a fucking bot,
an opening, a YouTube unboxing of the iPhone 17.
Here's the thing though, I'll tell you this,
cause now they getting close, they got the iPad Pro
and five years ago, whatever, 2007,
when the first phone came out, Keith Robinson was like,
oh man, someday it's gonna be,
they're gonna come out with the iPad, the Lux,
the iPhone, the Lux.
I go, listen to me stupid,
they're never gonna name anything the Lux.
Deluxe. Oh my God, that's funny. I go listen to me stupid. They're never gonna name anything the luck. The luck?
Oh my god, that's funny.
With two ease deluxe.
With a CK.
Yeah, yeah.
In that lettering that's just lines.
Yeah.
Windings.
It's three locks.
They never name anything.
But deluxe.
There's a thing though, they fucking got close with the pro.
When they came out out the iPad pro
I was like that's fucking inch into the luxe
Pro is pretty good pros good, but that's like the next the cousin to pro is the I don't know the luck
No, I think pro is more pros been used in software and stuff for for quite a few years
Yeah, what was the luxe? Yeah, Lux is like that's, it was for fat people. Yeah, it was a fat person word.
Hey, you want the luxe?
Yeah, yeah.
That was, I got this.
This is the luxe prize.
This is the luxe prize.
Let your attorney handle this.
I got this.
Does anybody else comment how many fucks?
What the fuck, Bobby, go, yeah, I'm only a couple people now.
We loaded this fucking seven people here.
They're not on the show yet, fucks.
Look at fucking football.
I don't put it in the fucking. Who's fucking play is it, Bobby? Jesus Christ. This fucking seven people here They're not on the show you fucking football
Whose fucking play is it Bobby Jesus Christ?
This is the three people in the show
That's it. I know but then you got her heard you this one. She's running the video
He's fucking producing all the other stuff. We got going on we got all the topics the videos Hot today. You're hot today. What's going on Anthony's beautiful girl?
And we got got the fucking beautiful
people fans of the show on the couch.
They said against me, I wasn't saying that.
I'm just, you fucking called them fat on the couch.
Oh wait, did it nice that you should have more
comfortable space for fucking fans?
Yeah.
It's comfortable.
Oh, if I do put you in the shower.
How are you comfortable?
Are you comfortable?
Are you comfortable?
Hey, there you go.
Are you comfortable? Look, the? Are you comfortable? Hey, there you go. Are you comfortable? Look, the skinny broads not comfortable.
I got to put them on the meat in your ass, honey.
Fuck it, Virzies. I got to put that on me. Got to dance.
Anyways, interesting week. Interesting fucking week.
I mean, here's the thing. We go down the road, or we go down another road.
We need to talk about fucking, you know,
foot massages and the latest and greatest
of what album came out of what Justin Bieber's doing.
Let's talk about how fucking annoying this March was.
Can we do that?
Oh!
Can we talk about how fucking annoying was sorry?
Why was it in the way?
Why are you personal?
Oh shit. I'm gonna turn her mic louder than yours.
No, this women deserve it. Yeah.
It's my wake. It annoyed me. It did.
Why?
And my wife was like, I know this is annoying you. It did.
It fucking annoyed me because I think it's so hypocritical.
It's like it wasn't for like all women and in powering when you exclude people that were.
No, they did. they excluded women groups that were
Anti-abortion hold on you hold on
Oh, yes, we have any music first and I also feel that like I also feel like you want to look you want to be looked at as a certain
I get the whole thing the whole empowered thing
You gotta fuck with me. I want to own for you. I'm not going to This is for you. Yeah, yeah, I'm not going to a Super Bowl.
I'm making a point.
All right.
Listen, sounds very communist.
I think I think you I get the whole point of like coming
together.
It's good, but it's like it's hypocritical.
Like I can't take a chick seriously when she's got a vagina
clit hat on.
I just haven't had a pussy with a five year old boy and the thing.
You know what I mean?
I just find it silly.
I find it so.
They were cat hats. They know I saw one with a I saw one with mean I just find it silly I find it's not hats. They were cat hats
They know I saw one with a I saw one with a clip hat. Yeah, they're clip hats
You know for the first time I know that it's like like a pussy hat
You know the fucking I thought it was like they don't look like pussy's oh my god
You're a cat. How are you a millionaire? Oh?
Sorry, I didn't identify that day. We had a pussy.
You know what, he actually just cleared that up for me too.
I was like, what is that?
I kept looking going, this doesn't look like...
I'm gonna minute you just cleared it up for me too.
No, but Casey, Casey, in all seriousness,
I get the whole thing of, but like, then you can't be like,
you can't pick and choose, and I feel like,
when you want to be taken seriously,
and you're screaming with a hat that's a clit or a vagina,
and you're going, not this pussy,
and there's like six year olds there, I just find it. And also, I'd recently found out that they did
not let women who were pro-life part of this. And then I think if that's the case, then you're not
really, then it's not, then women are being excluded, and that's divisive too.
I think that was part of one of the main issues that they were protesting, though, was that the right
to have an abortion. Well, I didn't, I thought it was a whole woman feminist thing.
Can I say, can I say, I want to say something.
My friend Joe, Jordana, who I love, you know Joe.
He actually had an interesting theory that made me think for a second.
He goes, listen, the reason why they had this march is way back in the day.
Somebody else was supposed to be inaugurated that day.
And they made a shitload of hotel reservation to play non-refundable
So at one point they were like we're gonna go anyways
We miles are just March and then all you birds fucking came and we should march
How many husbands that day were hoping that thing was Sunday
They know they fuck rush and we'll do it Saturday
You know the playoffs of Sunday Do it all dick Get out of here, get out of here! And though they fuckbrush, it will do it Saturday.
Now the playoffs are Sunday.
Do it all day.
Sunday, take greats, kind of take on the whole thing.
It's so brilliant.
I'm telling you, if you think about it,
there was a lot of non-refundable hotel rooms
that were booked a long time ago.
Of course.
Flights, you can't, you can't get your money back.
And all of a sudden, there's a march in DC, a woman's march.
And all these women, Hillary supporters.
They did it everywhere too.
And the other was so sure she was winning.
So your book, everything.
Yeah.
Would you like to take trip insurance?
Trip insurance, it's in the bag.
They made a statement for the America.
They're doing it at the, it at the glass ceiling at the job
at center.
It'd be fantastic.
I'm gonna watch the fireworks in New York
on election night.
Oh, that's right.
It never makes sense though,
because the lady that came up with the whole idea
lives in Hawaii.
So that's a pretty far trip.
She was like, I need to make.
I'm telling you, my friend Joseph, very smart guy.
And he said that I'm like, oh my God.
Makes perfect sense.
This lady from Hawaii was like, I just spent $4,000 on a trip.
I am not eating this ticket and she made a fucking sign
and said, I'm gonna march.
I'm going and I'm gonna make the best of it.
She made a Facebook interview.
She got a kitten hat.
Right?
She stole from her kid.
Oh, just very hypocritical though.
You're right.
Absolutely.
And what the fuck say to her?
And what was being marked for?
That's the biggest thing.
Like what are in women getting that this March will look
at?
Like every right that you have entitled to you in the United States. Yeah, have right. So does everybody. Well, let's ask us. Let's ask her opportunity. I am, uh, uh, what, what was it for?
There's a lot of pressure on Casey. I know. I was, I was, I was, yeah, fine. We love you. I you. I am. You did march. I didn't march.
You did it.
I didn't march.
I am a bad girl.
What the hell?
Why?
I posted a post.
I posted about it.
I said rock on.
I think it was just, it's about, I think, the threatening, the threatening of defunding
Planned Parenthood and just the rights and I think it was also then became about, I don't
even know, is it LGBTQ, Q, Q, I can be fucking sick. Q, T, and isn't there like three other letters now too? I don't even, is it LGBTQ, Q, Q, I can say, Q, T.
And isn't there like three other letters now too?
I don't know.
There's a bunch.
I only wear about the T.
That's my favorite.
And I think it was about just like, you know,
people of color, I think it was,
I think it was marching just for all inequality
because things are available.
There's a lot of set of things and Trump
that I vote just as far as
right. I don't know. I don't think what is Trump said or done? I don't get it.
Well, Mike, like real said that he wants to take Roe v Wade and burn it to the ground
and Trump said, and that is, I mean, that's pretty, I mean, I'm never going to have
literally. I'm never going to have one. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.
Trump's daughter, Trump's wife, yeah, there going to happen. There have been so much Republicans in office before that absolutely wanted to get Roe
Versouade down around.
And it just has never happened because that's not the vibe of this country.
We're like, you know, get a portions, who gives a shit?
But I think the vibe is now that let's make this.
I think that he made it.
It always was.
I remember when Reagan got elected, it was like,
his abortions are bad.
It didn't matter.
Like that impression?
Yes.
Mommy, I don't know.
Who the fuck was that?
Will, I haven't done it in a while.
It's not topical.
What do you want?
Golden Vaughan. Yes
It's not going away don't worry so it and fuck the abortion issue
So every woman that was marching it was just about abortion. No, it's not
All right, then it was about what and women's right? Well what rights?
Aside from abortion. What does he want to do that's so bad bad. It was weird. Everyone was showing up with their own causes
and making their own signs of the thing.
Those are lady that held the sign that said,
so there's enough causes that we need all that stuff.
Yeah, and like no one was checking
like what signs were being put in.
But can I say something too?
Who gives a fuck if they march?
Yeah, I mean that's, I'm watching that stuff.
It didn't affect, it didn't affect my life one bit.
I have a three and a half year old
and a wife that just got a period that day.
I'm just trying to survive in the hell house
with my three bedroom ranch in Westchester.
I got a best jester.
All right, I'm just trying to survive the day
with the fucking shake in somebody.
You don't mind being villainized every day,
but because you're a white male dude,
I'm not likes pussy.
I'm not.
What are you?
I just want to stage, Liza just went up and Lisa,
sorry, fuck, I hate the name.
I always talking up.
Liz just went up, man, all men have little dicks
and she does react and I love her.
I think she's hilarious.
But she does, I know, but it's still the women like,
woo, woo, and I went up.
I was like, I have a she does, I know, but it's still the women like, woo, woo, and I went up, I was like,
I have a little dick and I'm a father
and I'm a husband and I'm a good person.
So go fuck yourselves.
And they left.
Okay, but the thing is, it's, I don't care.
If you wanna go and do your march, go the fuck ahead.
Cause if we wanted to as men, white men,
we feel harder. We just can't do we can't
waive to anybody in the march. Hey, how you doing? Fuckin' Bob Kelly gets fired from everything.
Yes, we're doing it. But you can march. We don't. But every time we really don't give a fuck.
Because we act like adults. We don't have to get together on a play date with a million of our friends and trade
How would be the press to million it was on every continent?
Oh, I just care about I know a couple places it wasn't
I know a couple places it wasn't
A million came in with their clits, but they left
Like you got it like Bobby you got it all you got to be honest when you see things
When you what do you say?
We're talking about it. You really want to have a march, you know
New York is not really that pressure or DC. Yeah, exactly. Go to Saudi Arabian women's mark
That's another thing there like arabian women women's that's another thing they're like supporting islam and women's rights they go what's next the clan for blacks and uh Hitler for Jews it's not it's it's completely counterproductive I don't I don't
think it is counterproductive in the fact that they went out they marched on
Saturday they had a good time at the laundromat on Sunday. First of all, what is China?
Some people can afford a watching machine in their home
Bob. Oh, really? Some people haven't been on television.
So what do they go to thinking of for a dry cleaning? What the fuck?
That's more expensive. Rich. You are. You think so city like, you know,
think suburbia, you grab up all your laundry and go to the laundry mat which is next to a bar
load up all your clothes and then you go to the bar and come back and they're taken out
wet and thrown on a countertop and then you just drive in laundry.
As you passed out yeah anyway the next day if I can put something on exactly.
I got no problem with them protesting if they're just gonna do, I mean, it annoys me.
I'm not gonna lie.
It just annoys me that there's a need for that.
Can ladies have fun?
I try to fucking talk and see the real fucking burp.
You know what, you're right.
I'm coming in hot tonight and I apologize.
Talk, Virzy, I'm coming, I'm yapping a little.
No, just show, just show.
Dude, now don't say that.
It's just show when you're on my show.
Oh, it's our show
It's our show, gentlemen. All right. Yeah, see the March got him fucking soft
We
I think it's so much.
It's not equal.
I literally saw something online that said white males are the problem.
Fucking saying white men are the problem.
And I'm not going to obviously mention names, but I know in our business, executives at
networks in our business going, look, I'm in meeting.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm in meetings and it's like, look, man, you know, Paul, you're funny, but right now
they need this, this, this, and you know, you ain't it. And it's like, so then when you see that and it's like, man, you know, Paul you're funny, but right now they need this this this and you You ain't it and it's like so then when you see that and it's like and then you see like seeing people going white
You know the white man's time is over base
Oh, yeah, yeah, and that's great. Yeah, I feel like that. Oh, sorry call it might be it might be if you ever need to get to the fucking moon again
Thanks
What are we good with? Where do we stop?
First of all, if you ever make a
call, please listen 1980s
reference.
Why are we going to the moon?
Actually, it was the 70s and 60s.
Okay, stop.
You got to get to the moon.
We don't know.
Exactly.
No, he's going to the moon.
You fucking asshole.
You know what?
Take Mars.
Everyone that walked on it.
Light mail.
Listen, go for a pound of heterosexual. I I'm not I'm just saying it should all be
Like I just find it weird that like now
It's like because I'm a straight white dude that I'm the fucking problem when I've treated people respect forever
Yeah, but you but you dress like a young black man
Yeah, I got a fucking Ralph Lauren. Yeah, and to keep going go down perfectly iron
I got a fucking Ralph Lauren. Yeah, and keep going, go down perfectly iron jeans.
I'm wearing a Timberland boots because it's my,
I have this much slush, I have this much fucking slush in my house.
I live in Westchester, higher, more elevated? I'm fucking back. You fucking fucking fuck.
Don't fucking fucking fuck.
Pock Sucker.
Listen.
Yeah.
I love that you do that.
He goes higher up than you.
I hear that.
I actually heard a little bit.
I am a little close to you.
I don't want to hear that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Listen, I understand what you're saying.
And I don't look, man.
It is, I don't, I didn't do any, here's the problem.
I grew up in a, I had a black school, minorities,
I had a mixed school, I grew up in black people
when I was younger.
I had black people in my life, my whole comedy career
because with comics, blacks, women, my, all the whole time.
I didn't do anything.
So you sit there and you're being,
and I'm like, I'm looking at my wife going, honey,
what did I do?
I'm just trying to, I just try to be funny,
provide for you and my little boy,
and not fucking hurt anybody.
Are you calling boy?
Right, my little boy.
Oh, sorry.
But see, Casey, if you did go out there, right?
And this is what I'm saying,
because I know you,
and if you went out there, you wouldn't have a pussy hat,
not a cat hat, I mean, the one, I mean, actually the vagina.
You wouldn't do that going like, not my pussy scream in it.
You wouldn't do that.
You would probably just walk and be like, hey,
I just want to make sure that I'm protected or whatever.
But do the same thing.
So when I say it annoyed me, it's the extreme over the top,
like I'm the problem.
But you understand that that's the, listen, she I kind of agree with this and I'm
look at I'm I'm down the middle with everything that's just I do all this.
Yeah me too.
I'm sitting there going what am I I'm fucking a moderate through and through I see shit
on both sides that I just have to admit that I'm not a I'm not a writer left I see points
on both sides and I think she has a point that they're not going to interview her or the majority of
women that are just marching to be women and, and they're going to get the one with the
hat and fuck man and, and fuck, they get, because that's what gets, that's what annoyed
me.
Yeah.
That's what gets us going.
Fuckin, what the fuck in, that's just just a cheering Ashley Judd's dumb fuck speed.
I didn't see that.
She didn't write that.
She didn't write that.
Oh, I know she didn't write it, but she was proud to get up there and read the fucking thing.
She was a little bit obnoxious.
I agree with you.
So why aren't women, can I say something?
Yeah.
Why are there no women going?
There was a fucking idiot obnoxious speech.
Oh, it was.
Because I think the women that are criticizing the march are the ones that are criticizing it so far the other way.
They're not saying, I appreciate what you guys did.
That was a little much.
I mean, I don't know how many people are in the middle.
Like I said, I think the people that are coming out
are only the people that are like,
that was the best thing I ever did in my entire life
were the people that were like,
fuck that March, I hate women even though I'm a woman.
Like, you know, it's just-
Do you guys want to do Coke?
No.
I'll get-
Let's just go to that.
I'll get a bit off.
I, uh- But yeah, I think they, let's just go to that. Put it on. I, yeah.
But yeah, I think they only go to that.
You buy it?
Yeah, right?
I'm gonna get the,
I'm gonna get the,
I'm gonna get the Coke.
This is full of Coke.
Wow.
I got to get organized.
I got to get organized.
I got to get organized.
Hangs up his phone.
Like that's all he needed to do.
I think, where I think that there's probably a woman out there
that thinks that Ashley Jed was annoying.
She's not as interesting as the woman that was like, you know.
Screaming like I'm the woman that hated everything.
And then, okay, here's another one though.
How about the nut woman on the airplane?
She sits down next to a guy who's a Trump supporter,
asks him what he was doing in Baltimore
because they're flying to Seattle I think she goes will you supporting Trump or protesting he goes I'm
here supporting democracy and she's like you should be ashamed to yourself you you voted in a
that man when I was just finger on the nuclear button and just lost her fuck mind over this guy yeah
the other there's a butt next to his bed.
And if he's in a bad mood, he could just lean over.
Senior Kee-Ce.
You're fired, missile.
Yeah.
And then she's losing her mind.
The guy's being very cordial.
The flight crew then comes over and goes,
hey, get off.
Here's her mindset.
She's so entitled that she can't imagine that her hating Donald Trump, uh, anyone
else doesn't think like her. So she's not going to get thrown off this plane. Meanwhile,
get the fuck up. Then she's trying to negotiate. And if you want to see a dictatorship, you
want to see a real dictatorship? Get on a fucking plane. The guy in the little room at the
front. He's the king motherfucker. He tells you to leave. There's no discussion. He flies
the magic to the husband went up and she
there with the captain said you have to go and he went, the captain didn't
say that. Go ask him again if we can stay. Oh, I was like, I mean,
the real thing he was annoying, but the husband was a cont. Oh,
yeah, go ask him. He was a beat man. The most of the most of the time,
he just sat there like, this is my life. No, but he was a fucking life.
He was a canto at the end when he started talking.
He was a total.
Oh, you mean when he slammed the overhead compartment?
No, you're tough.
And then went, well, that's all she'll allow me to do.
Oh, that'd be a married to that for 30 fuck years with that.
Oh, he probably was like, can we just please stay on the plane because it might crash?
Should we maybe please, I beg you.
But I want, you know what, you know what,
I feel bad for, the waitress at the bar,
the airport bar, having to hear her.
Oh, that's a ramp thing.
Oh my God, you imagine.
Here's the thing now.
Give me a raw broi, I'm mad.
Did the guy, did the guy tell her to shut the fuck up?
The husband?
No, no, the guy.
Here's one thing that I'm gonna say about us.
Here's what I'm noticing about this.
Yeah.
And this is becoming and it's getting scary.
When politics becomes a religion like Scientology,
they take on a lot of the same shit.
They get very angry, they get very violent, and they don't have
conversations anymore, where they just scream fucked up shit. Like, Scientology, their thing
was, I forget the name for it, if you attack them in public, they just point you go, you're
a pedophile, you touch kids. Oh yeah, you abuse kids. And now you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, I'm not, no, no no, no. You instantly the argument becomes now you defending
yourself against something, which the left is constantly doing, calling people racist, sexist,
homophobic. Now, whatever debate you were having is over and the new debate is now you trying
to defend yourself against these horrible. It's actually a technique. Yes, it is. It's a technique
religion. And the left uses it like as. Well, it's become very religious.
The things that it's like, you are have blinders on.
I believe what you want to believe.
You're believing, yeah, but they're not getting facts
or listening to anybody.
It's just, this is it and then they just go and attack.
Yeah.
And it's like, you gotta slow the fuck down a little bit.
You know, you've also researched both sides and make sure that what you're saying is actually
Madonna said nobody's doing that. Madonna said I think of blowing up the white the white house blowing up
Dude if the tables were turned on that yeah if the tables were turned on that and there was a female
President and a dude said that some fucking you know
You know fucking hoody from hoody in the blowfish said that. Whoever the fuck some other fucking irrelevant said that.
It's a pick of hunger.
Yeah.
He's a below would be hoody anyway.
He's a big hoody.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who these two white.
But if that happened, it would be, it would be like she, like people like she just got,
that was like a speed bump for her.
Nothing.
That was a speed bump for her.
It was like, no, it's like, well, it's a pretty fucking heavy statement.
It's a speed buffer. It was like, no, it's like, well, that's a pretty fucking heavy statement. That's a big statement. But first of all, if you, if you do the math
on what she said, it's, she's a liar, because if she thought about the White House blowing
up, Obama was in it. Yeah. And if it blew up, more minorities and women would die, then
fucking Trump, you dumbed. So you're blowing up the fucking White House, you're killing minorities and women,
all the people that work there, you fuck,
what about that?
So you don't think about blowing.
You just said that to get a buzz,
to get people going, ooh, you fucking am.
That's just a rebel.
Wow, this rebel now means old hag.
Right, it might.
I do think that there are people that did it for reasons that they don't, that did it
for the wrong reasons.
Like, I, I think what they did is great because it's like, I want my rights.
I want, I had to explain to my dad.
What are your rights?
I mean, I just, I, to be in control of my, my body.
So it's, for you, it's about, it's lady stuff.
It's about, you want your right to choose.
I want to make, yeah, it's my decision.
Right.
Because I had to tell my dad, he's like, because my dad, like, looked at me and he goes, well, plan a period of this, just
like, babies and stuff, right? And I was like, it's actually, it's really not. And that
I know. No, they're actually dickworts, too. You know, you know, you get your, you get
to check out your fucking war, tansers, taking off. Well, I'm about that. Just go to the
doctor. Yeah. But if you don't want your wife to fucking know, but you're dickworts. Oh,
it's, yeah, I don't know. It was just baby stuff. No, it's, it's actually people go get
cancer pre-scheduled.
So there's a lot of other things, but I do think that there are a lot of reasons that
they shouldn't, and if they really sat back and thought about women's rights and Hillary
and all that stuff, people could argue that she also was not necessarily for women.
She tore down, she tore down women that accused her husband of sexual assault essentially,
and she like wouldn't them.
Can I just say something? I want to say something about that. Yeah.
If what Trump is accused of saying grabbing, you just grab them in the pussy.
Yeah. That's just a sentence. It's awful. Yeah.
But he never did it. Nobody accused him of doing it.
But not wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Bill, hang on.
He's my show. Okay.
He's coming in hot. Bill Clinton did it.
Bill fucking Clinton. I'm coming in hot. Bill Clinton did it.
Bill fucking Clinton, everything they're saying about Trump,
Bill Clinton stuck, there's nothing more to agree on.
Don't wanna answer this.
He wasn't running for president, but he stuck a cigar
in a woman's vagina, am I right?
Is there anything more degrading than taking a Cuban
and ruining it with a fucking with a
Geina juice
Can I but he is why is why is laughing?
I did laugh that was a cigar joke. We should have taken bonded over
What later was a was over here. I was over here
And then I fucking
I was over here and then I fucking I
Why is Dave Chappelle the only one that really broke down this the grab and pussy sentence because if you listen to what he said He didn't say just grab them by the pussy. He didn't what he said was and Chappelle fucking was the only one to say
Yeah, she pal said it and he's right. He what he said was because he was trying to make a joke with that fucking Billy
Bush guy and the guy talking. Yeah You know, he's trying to make the guy live and what he said actually said was he was trying to make a joke with that fucking Billy Bush guy in the fucking- Yeah, he was trying to make the guy live,
and what he said actually said was,
he was like, you know, he's talking about kissing them,
and he goes, yeah, and when you're a big star,
they'll even let you do that.
He was basically saying women,
when you're a fucking celebrity,
and everyone's just like, just grabbing by the pussy,
he really didn't say that.
Just like he didn't say, you know,
I know it's not a nice thing, I know it's not,
I know it's not an idea, I know it's a women nice thing. I know it's not, I know it's not an idea.
I know it's a women don't want,
but it's not what everyone thinks he said.
Because people like, I literally talked to somebody that's like,
well, he just said,
grab a woman by the pussy at an orange.
He's grabbed the women by the pussy.
I mean, I'm gonna say,
he wasn't the president,
but he wasn't even thinking about being,
he wasn't right.
He wasn't with the president.
So here's the deal.
So you don't think Ronald Reagan. You don't think. Let me
give you a little hint. Johnson, I think I got JFK had fuck houses. Oh, yeah. Really? Okay. So if
you're gonna go by me, listen, if you're gonna have if you're gonna have good. If you're gonna,
right, because he's JFK. Okay. Here's a deal if you're gonna say that but he was the president
The president Bill Clinton stuck shit in an interns
vagina and
The office the dog was upstairs
Fucking Chelsea was doing homework. Hey Bobby. What kind of stick it was?
Bobby what kind of stick it was I had to be human
Must have been if he's going that dirty. He's breaking the law to full with a fucking Contra band and the fucking contraband contraband
Right that down with a fucking slash for the you
So I always go back to that because again, I'm not a fucking staunch Republican or staunch
liberal, but I'm sitting there, I'm trying to talk to these, he's a piece of shit, he grabs
woman's pussy's, and then I'm like, yeah, but when all that stuff went happen with Bill
Clinton, I'm sitting there going, what the fuck, this guy's a hunk of shit, how, how is
he doing this shit?
Right. And all these women, I'm looking at my mother going,
mom, mom, you fuck, what the fuck?
My mother loves JFK.
If JFK walked up to my mother,
she was like, what's wrong with your head?
She would suck his dick with the wound.
With the wounding head wound.
Yeah, wow.
She would blow JFK with the wounding. Wow. She blow Jeff K with the moon. If
if she was in the car, she would have sucked this dick quick. Oh, quick before
there was still blood. My mother loves the point is my mother love Jeff.
We got garnered from that.
Yeah.
We like to love Jeff.
We got it.
Yeah.
He's going. Yeah.
If his brains were on a blast,
I'm gonna suck his dick.
Dude, come on, boom!
He's walking the back of his head.
Do what he right after the first bullet.
She's gonna scrap his cock.
Dude, he was in the table.
From the morgue.
CIA just did the thing.
She's blowing them.
That's why they couldn't get the evidence.
The magic bullet came out of his fork.
My mother sucked it.
He came before the bullet came out of Connelly's wrist.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
My mother blew Oswald just to get the truth.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
There was a turd shootout.
Oh, shit.
Listen.
He, it's fucking, it's crazy that Bill Clinton did all this fuck.
I mean, then he went on TV and said, I didn't do it.
Yeah.
Literally went, with her right there.
And here's the lie.
She knew he did it.
Of course she did.
And she sat there and went.
And then like you said, it bothered me how she fucking tore down these women.
So there's arguments for both sides as so, you know, and that, and that one.
But I don't know.
As the president, when he did that whole thing, yeah, I did not, when he just looked at the camera,
wagged his finger.
Oh, that was shoved inside the fucking ass hole.
And just said, I did not have sex with that woman.
His finger was yellow, not ever.
It's a yeah.
Yeah.
And it's like, okay, blatantly lied.
Did it and then lied about it as the president.
Yes, you were saying, yeah,
because you're sticking in a bum.
It comes out yellow.
What is it?
Chipotle, you're getting a yellow fingernail.
Whoa, you never stuck it.
I never had a fucking yellow fingernail.
I love your finger fingernail.
Yeah, that's how it is. And maybe you'll get a nice Puerto Rican girl. You're getting a fucking yellow finger. I love your finger. I love your finger. Yeah, that's how it is.
And maybe you'll get a,
did a nice Puerto Rican girl.
You get a nice yellow fingernail.
I cut your fingernail.
No, I'm not saying that.
I did.
I had a problem back in my school.
You're right.
I didn't care about you.
I got it.
I, uh, what do you think of, uh,
Katie Rich being those suspending?
Oh, sorry.
Who's that? Oh, sorry. Who's that?
Sorry.
Deepu here.
What's going on?
Good.
Is that a no?
Love in the show, guys.
I fucking really love this.
I thought I was having a stroke.
I'm like, you know what?
I don't think she should have been suspended.
I don't think she should have been suspended.
I don't think she should have been suspended.
I don't think she should have been suspended.
I don't think she should have been suspended.
I don't think she should have been suspended.
I don't think she should have been suspended. I don't think she should have been suspended. I don't think she should have been suspended. I Deepu, I don't think, I really don't think she should have
been suspended.
I thought it was a funny joke and I don't even think it was
that much at the kid.
I don't like this people that are like the kid just standing
there in a suit standing next to his dad and they're
fucking people attacking him.
That's, that's, but a joke, but a joke, but a, but a joke like that,
I didn't think I thought was wrong.
I wanna tell you something, this fucking kid,
if, first of all, people who don't have kids
are not gonna be able to connect to this
as a person with the kid.
If, if, if,
what I do on stage or what I say
does not fucking represent my child, okay?
So fuck you.
If you attack a kid, if you go at this kid's 10,
he didn't choose the name Baron.
If it was Gary or Baron, believe me,
he would have went, let me go with Gary.
He's not gonna choose Baron, okay?
He didn't choose his mother, his father,
all the shit that's going on.
And now the sudden, he's got thousands of people
trashing him.
And Chelsea Clinton came out today and went,
she said, let me tell you something,
it's fucking wrong because I heard it.
And this was before the internet.
This was before back in the day
when I think it was my space or whatever the fuck she was.
My space.
She goes, I heard it.
I heard a lot of fucked up shit about me.
They said about my eyes, my face, my mouth, my hair,
the way I looked, and it hurt. All of that shit fucked me up. And it hurt me as a child
because I didn't know what I did. And she was fucked up about it. I was talking to
Star Wars huckiest about this. And he was like, ah, fuck him. He's going to be a psycho
because he's rich. He's rich in that. He's just.
No, that's the cantic, that's the can't think that's like are you fucking stupid? You don't know who is this kid
could take his father's money and
And and and fucking help the world someday you don't
Hope for that, but you don't know what the I mean, he's probably gonna rip you know come
Oh my cover it up at a fucking and then they're gonna have to have the babies
because his father,
oh, she's it.
First of all, I see a giant...
Oh!
How's it going?
How's it going?
It's gonna have to have unwanted children
at the wrestling camp and kinetic...
Oh yeah, yeah, cause so many wealthy white men
are having their girlfriends get abortions.
Yeah, it has nothing to do with
now you just kill the girl ninety percent of the fucking minorities are the ones getting
abortion you know you send them on a boat and have the boat white kid. That goof only works based on his looks.
Imagine saying, oh, Malia Trump, there's our Malia Obama.
There she is, she's gonna grow up to be a welfare mother.
Do you understand?
You wouldn't be suspended.
You'd be cast out of the fucking nation.
So it's a double standard.
I don't like people getting fired for what they say.
I've been fired for what I said, fucking ten, but but one day I like seeing them eat their own. Yeah, one real big one
I do like seeing them eat their own like this because guaranteed Katie Rich is one of these
Liberals shitheads that fucking are constantly trying to get other people in trouble for what they fucking say
So I'm gonna take my liberal side right now.
Oh, right.
Let me just see you got your jeans.
Garoppolo glasses on.
Fucking.
Let me ask you this though.
Here's my, I don't think that I know enjoying watching them eat their own because they
set these rules.
Right.
And now the sudden they're fucking, it's turning on them.
Yeah. We're seeing
the violence. We're seeing the sucker punches, the stores being burned, all this stuff,
the, we're peaceful. We're here. You're really not. You're screaming and yelling at people.
And you're violently attacking people on planes. And in public, if this guy, this, this Nazi guy wants to speak, let him speak.
He's supposed to be allowed to.
Let him speak.
The black Jew guys in Times Square get up on Spacklebuckets and boxes and lambast everyone
walks by.
But I'm saying let this girl say, let this girl say what she wants to say, but let her
deal with the consequences.
I think as Lauren Michael, if he doesn't agree with
this, should have said, look, do you really believe in that? Are you standing by this joke?
And she could have the choice. Yup, fuck you. I think it was a funny joke. And deal with
those consequences. Or say, you know what, give her the chance to go. I fucked up. I don't
think I'm going to say, look, I fucked up. I don't, I don't want to really hurt this kid's
feelings. I made a joke. It was wrong. Give her the opportunity to make the choice to stand by what she said as a joke or say sorry.
But they're to stand by. It is just a joke. I understand. It's just a fucking joke and
everyone should know it's just a joke. It's insensitive. It says, but every joke and it
it. But she should deal with that. You shouldn't get five. She shouldn't get suspended.
Oh, really? So she shouldn't, but if a Republican or someone on the right, or says it, says it, they
will get fired.
See, that's the thing.
I'm not going to say, oh, yeah, she should get a chance to do this when, on the other
hand, if I said something on serious, on my own time on Twitter after an assault and
got fucking fired, uh, uh, that I have a problem with that.
So you know what? Fucker.
Yeah, is it hypocritical?
Yup, fuck it, don't care.
So what you're saying is, is if you're on the left,
you fuck up, hang on, good boy.
So basically, what you're saying is, oh, god.
I, listen, I don't, I don't, I don't, I just, this is a perfect example where this, she
shouldn't have been suspended, but she should have been made to talk about it.
I would love, I want to hear, I want to hear, I want to hear what the fuck she was thinking,
what the, why shut her down, shut her up, shut everything off Suspender lock her way only to come back in six months and not have anything nothing happened
Now what she what she got suspended for a little bit probably with pay or whatever the fuck it is and now
I want to hear what the fuck she meant. Where were you coming from? Did you mean it?
Did you really mean that do you understand that it was probably a little mean to make fun of a kid? Or do you not give a fucking, you're trying to be funny?
It's a funny joke.
Home school shooter, school shooter.
Home school, he fits the profile of a school shooter because he's a young white kid.
That's the only reason the joke works.
I mean, I don't, I don't, I get the joke white.
I don't think it's funny.
I don't think it's, I don't like, like I have my own my own agenda with children because I was
Bulleted and pick
Hot Wheels cars and showers
No, I'm kidding. I have I look because I have a kid
Yeah, and I was a abused kid and I was made fun of it and it fucked me up for a long time
So I have my own thing with that. I don't think you should make fun of this
I don't think this kid should be singled out because of what the fucks happen. And if you do that in my eyes, if you take
a shot at him, you're really not a fuck. You're really not going for the juke. You're just
trying. You're going for an easy joke. You're making fun of a kid who might have a problem,
has all this shit on his shoulders. And you go fuck with his father. Go fuck with somebody
else. I don't know. I don't think you should fuck with this kid. Let him and
fucking and leave him alone and a lot of these people that do it are the ones who fucking preach anti-bullying
Yes, you know, so that's like you don't bully don't bully, but why because he's Trump's son. Yes, it's just fair game
Because we hate this motherfucker so much. That's ridiculous. I mean look it's fucking if this kid now he's in the fucking headlines now
He had he definitely found out what the fuck was set about him now that it's like what I'm a what have phones at eight
But he's like I'm a what I'm a what I'm a fuck I'm a murder people what if he's like dude
I don't want to murder anybody mom and he's got it what is he retarded Jesus?
He's artistic there's all these stuff coming there There's all these things coming on now that's,
they're like, you're making fun of an autistic kid.
He's just autistic.
But he's not up to it.
He's not autistic.
I don't think he is.
That's another rosy.
I look, I like Rosie.
I do.
Rosie, who?
Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh, okay.
I did, I liked it back in the day.
Where's this stand up?
I'm gonna get to it.
Oh, okay, all right, yeah.
Yeah, I didn't.
I'm gonna set up.
No, I'm not.
I didn't know he'd just go, I like Rosie. I didn't know he'd go. Okay, here's the yeah. Yeah, I didn't get to it. Okay, no. I don't know where you just go. I like Rosie, I don't know what to fuck.
Okay, here's a deal.
Next time I'll get your headset.
I love people who fill you in on my say beforehand.
So you're fucking on it.
No, you just went into the Rosie thing.
I didn't know what it was.
That's what you do.
It's called a segue into the Rosie thing.
But I thought you were talking about it with it.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Rosie Liberty.
Rosie accused the son of having autism.
Okay.
Gotcha.
She went online and I like Rosie. I don't give a fuck.
I like their show. I like...
I love her show.
I didn't love it. I mean, it was good.
But I like their show and I like their comedy.
When I was coming up, her fucking Bobby Collins, when I was a young stand-up Joe Rogan,
these guys, I liked them because they were edgy.
They weren't just that fucking monologue shit.
So, you know, tonight show stuff.
I like these guys.
So I like it, but what she said about it is
it's like you have troubled kids, honey.
Yeah.
Your kids troubled,
fucking take care of that.
Don't go after, his kid did nothing.
No.
He didn't fucking ask to be anything.
And you're, you're, you're, you're,
you throw, you, want you put it out there
Social media. It's fucking there forever. You know what?
It's got to be like for that fucking slob to look at a nice functional family
We make the trumps Rosie
Okay, I read it a nice loving response a whole
Nervous like the Trump family that that had been raised with some ethics and morality and and and they actually
are a loving family. And then they make accusations of incest and this and and and date rape and this
all this bullshit just based on nothing but their looks and their wealth. Yeah. That is that was
was earned. And now she's trying to diagnose the kid because she's a woman who tried to raise children
and failed miserably with her adopted kids out of her barren womb.
She couldn't have a kid.
So she adopts these children.
So she pissed off the sun so much.
She joined a goddamn military academy.
Anthony listen, I want to say something.
You know what you got to do to be a kid that actually volunteers to go to a military academy.
Do you have any music for this fucking rant?
How do you really feel?
The door it runs off.
Yeah, Patton, listen.
I cannot stand.
That's a fucking smacking injured soul to get up.
Bam man.
Come on.
Listen, I think she's looking, look at,
whatever's happened to the kids, I don't fucking know.
I know how hard it is to raise a kid. and I know the gamble you take because the kid has a
Personality you can do all the you can do everything right and the kid still we know people that are I know that a good parents
That they're fucking kid just went down the wrong path something happened somewhere and look I was one of those kids
I fucking got fucked up from 13 to 15.
I was in Juvie blah, blah, blah.
And now I'm a fucking, I'm an insane father.
I'm a fucking great dad.
So I don't, I can't look at Rosie and go,
you fucked up as a parent.
Whatever her, but she does have.
Maybe it was the other mommy that fucked up.
Why does she say that?
I'm saying that it's hard to be a parent, man.
Why would she say that though? I was what I
didn't say. She has autistic kids. So maybe she saw, I don't know. I mean, they're also
with adopted kids. If she just fucked up them, there's nature versus nurture as well.
Like those kids could have also like, yeah, if you adopt a kid, I don't think the two
mommy's scheme works very well. Why? Because you're taking them on gay cruises and fucking five years old, Jesus Christ,
that woman.
What is it like a lot of fun?
There was gay cruise going on.
Yeah, what's that?
That's crazy.
Not a rosy gay cruise.
That's like a crazy gay sex cruise, maybe.
Fuck it.
Smoking's the guys eating cake.
Singing.
Yeah.
I'm just.
I'm because you know named cake.
I don't know. I just think it cake. I don't know.
I just think it was, I don't know,
I don't think that she should have brought the kids.
She has her own part, look at her,
her and Trump hate each other.
We know that.
They've trashed each other for years.
They don't like each other.
No, she's, she's bombing,
because all of sudden her fucking nemesis.
Oh my God, that's like,
that's crazy.
That's like openly coming ahead of serious.
You'd be pissed. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I know he's gonna get a hold of that. I love like, that's crazy. That's like, open, come in head of serious. You'd be pissed, no I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, I know, he's gonna get hold of that.
I love you, oh, listen.
But it's, I just started a war on Reddit.
Bobby said fucking, that, that, that,
that, the OBE Anthony Gintz.
He's instigating.
Fucking listen.
No, Trump could walk into a room now.
You know what I was thinking about the other day?
Remember when Obama and Seth Meyers at that dinner
were just fucking, they were just, they were just,
they were just flaying them.
And they just sitting there.
And he's just sitting there in that room
in the press and everybody's laughing.
And then to just have him walk in and like,
how the fuck he pulled this off.
Like yeah, now on the present.
Now I got your fucking job, asshole.
It's fucking nuts man.
Obama must be like, he must have been like,
what the fuck?
Yeah, he's really gonna like, what the fuck?
I just think about Hillary's moods now.
Fucking Bill.
On a bad day, Bill's got to avoid that chick, dude.
She's gonna be fucking, she's gonna be much in box
on a trail up in fucking West Java.
It was so, gotta be, she's gonna be gay restops.
It was so in the bag.
Like that's a type of disappointment. When it's so in the bag, imagine that's a type of disappointment when it's so in the
bag. Imagine you're at the like the
final fucking table of the world
series of poker you're all in like
all that and you fucking the guy
rivers you on an old one out
river that's what you're like like
she got river and he had a one out
that's what she does with Butler
Interception against fucking
the whole thing you're winnings you count them already, it's done this game's over. Ha ha I won
It's like done. I love the both here you you pick poker you book football
I had nothing because I'm a shedrool with no thoughts. Oh no
I wanted I wanted an example so bad
Nothing I was like it's like when Apple came up with the-
I saw this face when I said,
not from Butler Interception, you were just like,
oh you fucking highly intelligent douchebags.
No, just the generic gamblers.
I know what you,
would you get highly intelligent from those examples?
I had nothing.
I had nothing.
Like when Co-Kimo reg,
and then they went back to regular code.
What do you think Hillary, what do you think Hillary's like advisors were doing as he kept winning states? I had another segment when co-kimo reggae and then they went back to regular
What do you think hillaries like advisors were doing as he kept winning states? They're probably like oh you got the next two
He probably just keep going you're fine. You'd be good. I got the next it happened the whole time on the day
He fucking Anthony. Yes. I have I'm telling you every person I talk to
Every step of the way we like dude next week. It's gonna fall apart because when the revolving into the blood and that is no now he's gonna really drop
off because once fucking blah blah.
It just kept going.
Never.
Dude, I drove, I remember I was here.
I drove by the Javits Center.
You could feel, you could feel the fucking wet confetti. Yeah. The whole party.
It was so sad going up the West Side Highway
because it was supposed to be anarchy.
There was cops everywhere.
And nobody, there was nothing.
They just left in dribs and drabs,
just crying, walking down the West Side Highway.
I went back and forth from Fox to CNN
to everything I wanted to see how all of them were doing.
And the liberal was CNN is the more liberal one.
And the guys were just like, so if she wins,
and he's like, he was like 19 states.
If she, if she runs the table for the next three hours,
and it's parts of Canada and they vote.
No, it's like me.
They win Hillary out there.
It was like me with a door deal.
So if I sell yeah
Those advises it must look like that scene and downfall when Hitler's in the bunker in his office
And they're just outside like who's gonna go in and tell him there no armies left
Just gotta be sure it's there looked like he saw a fucking ghost. Yes
He was just fucking stunned.
Dude, because you know, he couldn't use his hologram to share.
No one thought this was gonna happen.
Buddy, let me tell you.
Didn't we make fun of her too?
Like in his first speech, wasn't he like,
you don't buy fireworks unless you're sure?
Like I think he made fun of that.
Casey, what did you vote for?
I voted for Clinton.
Really?
I'm kidding.
I know.
I wrote in Harambe, along with 11, the gorilla got 11,000 votes.
People love Harambe.
It's crazy.
You know that they made, if you, here's what I feel bad for.
Hillary had a fucking state, a custom stage of the United States made.
It was a fucking beat, it was a carpenter for a year working.
It was a custom, it was shaped like America.
It was the fucking most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Oh my God.
I was like, and they're in the, it's a glass.
It's the only glass building.
It's like the future.
And then they were just leaving his family to shape it out.
He's frustrated.
We're almost done with Florida.
I'll be home for dinner.
All right.
And then they put it together tonight.
The final foot, the floor to click, the floor to click.
We got the look.
Yeah, we got the look.
Click, click.
And then they went back and they looked at it.
They go, they had to strike them.
Tonight's going to be amazing.
And then later that, where, I want to buy that stage. I bet you that stage is, oh, it's got to strike them. Tonight's gonna be amazing. And then later that, I wanna buy that stage.
I bet in that stage, it's gotta be somewhere.
She probably had that destruction.
Yeah, oh my God, right?
She's just too unlikable, she's too unlikable.
Wow, those so-
They had to undo the cannons, the confetti cannons.
You know how depressing it is to take confetti out of a cannon?
Who used this for that? You're not fucking- Oh my God. Pressing it is take confetti out of a cannon. We use this
That stage is a man the blue America man in there like can I
That guy worked on the other thing and he was going like this Gary. I'm gonna show you something He got a promise, but just come in to my shed and he put a minute whose work shed. What do you think of it? Oh my god
It's for when Clinton wins now. It's back in the shed. Yeah, they're doing fucking they're doing Dixie land on it on weekends
Him and him and his band. He's writing letters. I would really like payment to be made on my
And like because there's no one left to nobody pay nobody paid that's stepped on the America's state. You're in that party. Oh my God. Oh on this
episode of Help Me Howard, the man that built the stage is wondering where is
money is. Look at this setup. Look at this setup. Oh my god. That's like oh look at that. Oh my god. Look at the bleachers are perfect. It's like a you
Oh my god. It's even made it look at the Hawaiian Alaska
That's what Madonna was sitting in Hawaii
Yeah, everybody
Jesus Christ
We should listen right now we should put we need to put a go fund me together to get Hawaii and Alaska
I want to buy it. I want to make it to a podcast fucking desk
If you don't listen to me if you don't do if you don't get Hawaii or Alaska and put it and make it your new desk
I'd be like what is this like wait till I tell you
You know What is this? I'm like wait til I tell you what this is. Do you know how fucking epic that would be one of the greatest stories ever?
If you're new podcast, that's what's fucking...
Take a seat here at the...
The Bearing Straits and let me tell you...
Let me tell you how I got this, Des.
Hey, here's where Trump is digging for oil right now.
Right?
Oh, mother fuck that.
Oh, honey. That is the most beautiful.
Yeah, that's hilarious.
That is quite a bit of work.
But go to Trump's, you know Trump didn't know
he was gonna win.
He thought he was losing his watch.
Look at Trump's, he's at a best Western.
Yeah, he's at a, he's at a, he's at a,
he was at a double tree.
You got cookies when you walked into his fucking,
they dragged in the outdoor picnic tables.
Yeah, really was small.
Look at he just he that's like a comedy center special.
They just got like God just yeah, they didn't even open all the boxes.
They're like we're not gonna need these.
We're not gonna be so my God.
Oh my God.
She had I did that gig.
Yeah, that was.
I did that. Yeah, that was
Banana's and has for nice
My victory speed we didn't want to spend anymore America's money
He's got the set for pink Floyd's wall. We're gonna have a coffee machine. You got to make your own but
My Trump's and the waters is still in the fucking cardboard
Oh god, even off the waters god damn it. He look he looks stunt
He looked stunt when he walked on the stairs. I thought he was gonna be have a little bit of swag like I knew it
He actually looked fucking stunned. I'm the what this video
to swag like I knew it. He actually looked fucking stunned. I'm the one.
This video.
I didn't want this.
He was so shocked. He wanted a recount.
Like, are you sure?
Hey, where's it?
What?
I just want to tell some mistakes.
Yeah, Jesus.
What the fuck?
Oh, just it was so...
I swear to God though.
Can I say something?
That's crazy.
He, they forced people underground because there was a black guy in the march, middle of
the march, this big black guy on a bike and this guy was interviewing him.
I don't know if you can find that.
This weekend.
It was this weekend in the march, big black guy on a bike and the guy stopped him and
he wasn't for any of this.
He was like, you guys are fucking stupid.
This is why Trump won, because you scared,
anytime, anything is against you,
you fucking scream at people and call them racist
or massacred, and you forced all these people
to hide from you, your friends, your family,
that want, that will like, I don't want to vote for Hillary,
I might vote for Trump, and you didn't know who they were
and they went and they fucking voted for this.
They came out.
That's why the polls were all cuck-eye, you think.
Fucking, Hillary's gonna win all the polls said that.
And then, yeah.
I'm fucking runs over.
No, that's not what I was saying on stage today
because the crowd, because I would always ask crowds
during the election, how many people like Trump?
And always like a couple.
But then everybody else was quiet.
I'm going, that's bullshit.
People are afraid because eight days before the election they're like, this guy's losing by seven
eight point that you're just gonna be done by nine o'clock. It's gonna be a length then 24 hours
before the election. You're like, this is getting close and it's like, well, what does that even mean?
How the fuck do you get there? I was trying to, I mean, how do you get there? You know what I mean? It's
bullshit. Well, I don't want to get attacked on a plane. I don't want to have some fucking thin vegan scratch my eyes out on a fucking Delta flight.
But a gay couple doesn't want to get attacked in the streets because now at the same token,
some people that like like, like, like, it happened at the, it happened at his inauguration.
There was a gay couple walking down the street and they said, this is not your America
book.
Here's the thing is that each side is going to have their fucking crazy people, right?
So like, there's always something more that each side is gonna have their fucking crazy people right so like
Which is that really happened?
Stop. There was a guy that live tweeted the whole he was like okay. No, I'm serious. I don't know that I want to know that
As a down the middle fucking neutral zero that I am right that I picked nothing because I want to be on TV
There are infinite numbers
because I want to be on TV. There are infinite numbers of,
of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of bad. And the, the, the, I, I've
yet to see hang on more than a just inconsequential amount of these horrid assaults that were going
on by Trump's support. I'm going to say right now. I want you to calm down. I want you
to calm down. I want you to, I'm, I'd like to give you a hug.
Oh. Ooh. Okay.
Yeah.
Let's see if there was 900 hate crimes in like the span of I think the 10 days.
And a lot of them were the left hating on the right.
And I think there are a lot of more hoaxes.
They were reported.
I mean, you got people who's got the facts.
We fact ja, all right.
What do we got people?
Let's solve this case.
I just think that the others assholes on the side of the.
Casey, shut your mouth.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Look at me. I'm like, this case. I just think that the other's assholes on their side. Casey, shut your mouth getting. I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Look at me.
Like, this is why I marched.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
And the last sentence in votes.
Comodidad di Estilo desde 29.99.
Daisman.
Mucho por andar.
All right.
See, if we check.
If both sides, if all sides could just have this conversation, if they would never happen.
If they were the comedians deal with fucking politics, we'd be good.
We have to have fun.
Because we, if it was funny, it's funny.
No, because there'd be some, there'd be some crazy over feminist.
And as soon as I said that, March annoyed me.
She'd fucking jump over the table.
Yeah, but you don't think anything would shoot her?
Oh, I believe that.
Oh, God.
We have a video from TMZ.
Oh, TMZ, that's a well-miss.
That's a wrap, you know what I'm saying.
That's wrap, you know what I'm saying.
Was it John Jones?
It's news.
What the fuck?
Will Smith get drunk?
What the fuck?
You know, with a Mickey Rook fighting somebody again?
Ah, Alex. Oh, yeah. I know, I'm going to take somebody again. Ah, Alex. Alex, Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Hey
I just being I don't like the people as they come
The buzzing the but there's no buzzing on the fucking compound. Oh, man
There's no buzzing on the verzius back
Listen, I don't like, I just say this, I hate violence. I hate, I do, man, I don't like when either fucking,
I'm gonna get that round of a blow.
I hate violence.
You're going out on another brave limb here.
Zero arrests.
Zero.
Oh, Captain.
I hate violence. Captain. Oh my like a well-fed Gandhi right now. I'm captain on violence
Okay, and I'm saying you act like the skipper look like fucking eight ginger
No, it's it's Charles Nelson Riley got stung by bees
He got stung by bees. I was just gonna say that.
He's like,
I look like a guy who started Scientology.
Yeah, that guy.
El Ron Hubbard.
I'm fucking El Ron, fucking Tuberd.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
El Ron Tuberd.
This fucking twatch is random right that one down.
Oh, that is a good one.
You have a spit on a coffee, so right?
El Ron Tuberd.
Oh, Jesus. Okay, here we El Rontober, the good one.
Okay, here we go.
It was a good one.
I don't, I really, because I've been through violence.
I've been violent.
I was a violent guy for a while.
And I did a lot of fucked up shit that really hurt the shit out of me.
And when I see, if somebody attacking somebody physically for their beliefs.
Shhh, are you real?
Like, even who's that fucking lunatic that actor?
What's his name with the beard?
Oh, God.
What's his name?
Shailib, it's like, you know what, Shaila,
you motherfucker.
He's in somebody's face and he picked the smallest guy
in the fucking world and he's trying,
he's doing the non-violent violent
He's screaming and the guys fucking ear like you are right now settle down. Thank you
Shalar bears
He's a fucking mental patient. I don't it's like crazy. Fuck you dude. I think you
How about this? How about how about a piece for fucking protest and stop stop
Stop lighting shouldn't fire don't fucking break it in the way as people's hair
That's a woman's hair was set on fire. What's your zero arrests at the women's march though zero. Yeah, because state
Really zero are you sure yes? Oh my god. What are you gonna get, fucking third degree possession
of a pussy mask?
What?
That was the most wordy.
Can I put that word into sound legal?
I wanted it to sound like legal.
The first bomb of this fucking show is from,
goes away soon.
Oh my God.
That was the wordiest bomb I've ever heard.
Yeah, it'll have.
I want to hear it again, it was so bad.
But I thought women were getting,
didn't women were getting,
they didn't women get like,
what is it sprayed with the tear gas or anything like that?
No.
That was at that.
I think that was the inauguration.
People protested that.
Oh, okay.
And they got nasty.
People were like throwing stuff.
Oh, do you know how great?
Because I saw something happen.
No, they were like throwing stuff and they had the mass and all this up.
But for the women's march,
the zero,
yeah, they weren't throwing anything.
They couldn't even, there was two people. They couldn't even really. So the majority, the majority zero. Yeah, they weren't throwing anything. Because they couldn't even, there was two people,
they couldn't even really, the majority of the women,
listen, they were fine.
Yeah, you can't throw anything with a purse.
Yeah, come on.
Listen, the majority of the women,
they're gonna throw rocks through windows like this.
I just did a girl,
that's how girls throw.
That's how Jim Norton throws, though.
And the money at the tranny, Here you go. I'm kidding.
Sorry. I love you, Jim. I should have said it. It was a cheap joke. Listen. I, I, the majority of
the women, the majority of the women were marching to, to be a part of something. Yeah. And it's like,
but here's the thing. Could, could men, I'm not talking white men, I'm talking men.
Could we march and get away with it? No. Why? Because we are so privileged that we can't even
be proud of anything we've accomplished or done. And getting together would be not to unite as men,
but it would be interpreted as to overpower everyone else on the planet. Oh, they're getting
together to show their supremacy. No, we just want to all right. What if we absolutely,
what would we do? What if we got together marched and then blew each other in the park?
Uh, we'd be marching about. Yeah, that's what I say. What is your, what is the march?
You're like, what would be the purpose of everybody marching? Dogs, dogs, dogs together. We did the biggest, the largest docking.
Oh my gosh.
And dogs.
400,000 digs docking in the park.
400,000, that's about 400,000, docking in a park.
100,000.
400,000.
What's talking big dogs?
Take me 20 minutes to get my dick big enough to dock.
My partner would be just mad at me. Come on mother fuck it. Get you get your dick. Oh
Really written some fan fiction on this one. Have it
Awesome, but I mean, okay, if you saw but if we all got together we marched, you know 400,000 men marched
To to actually celebrate being a man and being a good man, being a husband, being a father, being a grandfather,
being just being good men.
I feel like that's rooted in positive.
If you're, if you're,
but what would you do if you saw that?
I thought I'd stay in March.
What would you do if it was a father's day?
No, no, for Father's Day, there's a lot of guys I know
that don't have kids.
This guy right here is a piece of shit, but, no, I'm kidding.
No, but there's a lot of guys I know
that don't have kids that are good.
What's not?
Michael Sean.
It's one thing about it.
He'll just take the hat.
Michael Sean is one of the greatest people I know.
He doesn't have a kid.
Michael Michael, same thing.
He's just a fucking great guy.
Great guy.
And he's a white guy.
I mean, I'm not saying it just to be white guys. It can be all men.
Why can't why don't we fuck it? Because first of all, here's another thing. Yeah. If men decided to do
that and just celebrate being men, unless they were carrying signs about Black Lives Matter and women's
rights and all this, they would be looked at like, oh, what are you marching for? You're already
at the top of the heap. And since they're not carrying signs about women's rights,
they obviously are misogynistic.
They're not carrying black lives matter signs.
These racists around the streets, it just doesn't work.
We're looked at as this, uh, uh, um, you, um, well, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh You You Would you march?
What I mark if there was a man. I mean I wouldn't fucking waste
I didn't either
You're right. I don't like that kid. I don't like that. I'm like a kid. I don't like that. I'm a bad guy. I say something. I say something. I'm
Number one. I wouldn't march because I don't know how to spell on my sign would be fucked up. Yeah, and I have to go to staples like fucking 50 times
I have to leave her being bobby. There's two ours in there. I go. I have to I couldn't march because it have to go to staples like fucking 50 times. Should I have more paper? I have to leave them or be like, Bobby, there's two ours in there. I know.
And I have to, I couldn't march cause I'd have to go,
honey, how do you, how do you, how do you spell civil?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
But number two, you're right, I have a,
I always say this anyways, I worry about my world,
not the world, and people, well, you have to know you don't.
If I, if I, if I'm a good person,
my wife's a good person. And I raise a decent human being. And we say, please, and thank
you. And we help people that need it. And we, we, we work hard. And we do, and if we all
fucking did that on a micro level, I believe that it would be a better world.
But that's never going to happen because you have a grown woman who looks at Trump getting upgraded and literally goes,
nah!
Like when you're at that level of fucked up,
I don't give a shit, liberal or not,
that is fucking embarrassing.
That is fucking embarrassing that a grown human being.
That would have been a shit like a Hollywood ending
of a movie when her loved one died.
That she's looking up at Jesus.
She just looked and she's looking up at she just look at she just go
If you notice if you notice the video at one point she looks at the camera like if you notice a video
Okay, but why you got the video that that crazy?
Shiloboo no no crazy
What happened to people just being upset at home?
Yeah, what happened to be an angry quietly?
What happened to be like I got these fucking lunatics and then an open refrigerator grabbing a drink and going to watch the game and go out
We'll get them in four years. What the fuck is wrong with these people when my grandfather and father were mad at something
Maybe like everybody's fucking crazy these fucks and then that was it and we ate dinner now
It's like people are fucking going to staples. They would say it
It's hang like the his staple joke on a bigger laugh.
Listen, he did a staple joke?
I did around five seconds ago.
But yours was funny, I admit.
I was worried, I kept doing stuff, I was acting out.
Yours was fucking.
You started writing, you just went staples.
I honestly, yeah.
I, look, first of all, I just want to say something
to you Anthony, yes sir.
Well girlfriend smoking on.
Anyway, I keep looking over there going,
oh the fuck is that pretty ghost?
I'm hanging out.
Number two, well, because they're here.
She's over in the distance.
I just look, man, I agree with you, but they're going to say,
you know, white guys, if, you know, we're at the top,
even the middle class, white guys have it better
than everybody else.
But here's the thing that I don't like is that people
have looked at me as a white guy who has privilege.
You don't know me.
You don't know how I grew up.
You don't know that me, at one point me and my older brother
lived with my mother and a, you know,
just in a fucking small house.
And I mean, they didn't know that.
They just look at it.
They just look at it.
It's like, you don't know after my divorce,
what I went through.
So, oh no, but we have enough of you.
And other people aren't minorities on getting it.
It's like, it's like, how about,
what are businesses never about funny?
So whatever, it's not about that.
Well, no, there's not always about that.
Listen, dude, I struggled my whole life.
I crawled and fucking, and fucking begged and borrowed my whole life
and fucking and fucking begged and borrowed my whole life
to just to become a good dad and husband. That's what my life is right now.
I'm working, I'm trying to be creative still,
but I'm trying to be a good fucking dad and a husband.
I've crawled my way here.
So people come to my house, you got it made.
Dude, you don't understand what I did to get here. I had a fucking fight every odd.
I was 30 to one juvenile hall who make it.
30 to one.
I was that one motherfucker, all those kids that made it out
and went to high school, got a degree, went to college,
and then became, and then got this opportunity.
But I've scratched my whole fucking, my whole time.
Even in the business, I'm not gonna let, like we say,
okay, they want minorities and women, fuck white guys.
I can't, whatever that, I can't let that affect.
And I shouldn't.
I know, but I can't let that affect me.
Fuck, I'm still gonna, I'm gonna create something
so good that someone's gonna go, we gotta air this.
I wanna do this. And I'm just gonna keep going, because I have to. No, I'm gonna create something so good that someone's gonna go, we gotta air this. I wanna do this.
I'm just gonna keep going, because I have to.
No, I feel like.
Maybe it'll get bumped for somebody else
that isn't as talented or put something on.
But the fastest horse never wins the race.
You think it's something on C-so, probably.
The fastest horse never,
but what you say that was hilarious.
That was the way you probably get something on C-so.
Yeah. No, I just, the whole idea that like, But what you say that was hilarious
No, I just the whole idea that like my rich father is taking me that's great. I really will give my god shit
Well, I'm not to down to see so but
No, but like the idea that my rich father was taking me to Martha's Vineyard every fucking weekend,
and I was eating lobsters and shit just because it's ridiculous.
I went to Martha's Vineyard one time, got in a fight with my now wife, because she got
me a fucking goddamn ham sandwich with cheese instead of an egg sandwich with cheese.
And I told her, you know, if I wanted a fucking ham sandwich, I would have fucking said
ham sandwich.
I totally fucking have it.
And then she screamed, it's just a sandwich!
And embarrassed me.
And everybody was looking at me like, yeah, it is just a sandwich. embarrassed me and everybody's looking at me like yeah it's just the sandwich you know what the
fuck was that that's my music when I'm a rapper okay I didn't cut it off
you just throw a cap at me you're coming in you're coming in hot I threw it
over here I had a fucking point and then I heard that fucking football music
We're talking about Martha's vineyard
You a dog squirrel
Oh my god you
What the fuck was I saying
Where's the girl?
No, the lady scream what What's the lady scream?
What's a liberal screaming?
Oh, yeah.
They put it to Titanic music.
That's pretty funny.
Oh, that's right.
I mean, if the president of the United States
and he was like, you're here, he's like, no!
I think you guys could march.
I just don't think you could march now.
If you were marching because you're a bunch of them.
But I mean, you couldn't go in.
My march is less than fucking a couple blocks. Yeah, I bet tap out
Get out of the way if there was a Washington men's march. It would look like the gay pride parade because that's all that would show up
I believe this is what regular guys. I want you to know look at her eyes. That's true if they would never do that
This big is this the one with Titanic music? Oh, I got it. There we go.
There's an anageration. Watch your eyes.
So you can hear the twenty-one nut in the background.
Another signal there for all of them is just a normal thing.
Oh, yeah. See that?
Yes.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
Stop before she does it.
That was timing my friend.
You think that's it?
Buddy, she went like this.
No, that was definitely something.
She went, okay, wait, I guess. She went. I'm gonna scream not yet. Okay,
in that back back in the car full of shit.
I love your point of that.
They're all full of shit.
Would you steal her glasses?
That image right there is makes me glad he won.
It's so good.
That image is so enraged.
I want to go through the room right now.
How does that image make you feel?
No, it's enraging and embarrassed that people can't handle it.
Anthony, how about you?
Sheer joy.
Okay.
I look at that and just I laugh.
I've watched it so many times and just laughed my ass off. Deepo, how about, because women go last. How about, no, I look at that and just I laugh. I've watched it so many times and just laughed my ass off
Depot how about cuz we women go last how about not getting crazy
Even after Indians
Moving on up
I was like one of the funniest things on
Not to bunker when he was in the elevator with the black guy in the Spanish guy
And the Spanish guy there stuck in the elevator the Spanish guy walks up and goes Mr. Bunker
I am equal to you and he looked at me goes equal to me
In the points of the black guy you know, I didn't even equal to him and the black guy went
What what do you what how's up video make you feel?
It's one of those things where it's like I I can I get the frustration
I would I don't feel that you understand that she's that was all fucking bullshit
You understand that that was bullshit. Nope. Listen nobody scream you scream like that when a train runs over your foot
Yeah, that would be
That would be understandable frustration if you came home and your family was murdered.
That's when you use that.
Unless you're Steve and Segal, they use to get mad.
And you kick some ass in that poly tail.
You go to the floor and smash it and take all your guns.
I've never been to a fucking mad.
I have never dropped and screamed to the sky.
Sunday I was that mad when she fucking told me I was,
you can't have pasta, you knew you're on a diet.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Fucking asshole.
Yeah, it's very dramatic,
but I feel like there's probably,
to her, there's probably another guy in the crowd
that's worried about you.
Yes!
Yes, that's the thing.
That's the thing.
That's the thing.
That's the thing. What is it? What do you have? Does it bother you? Does it bother you? Does it bother you? What is it?
Does it bother you that you have to care so much about everything?
What?
Yeah, that's a great part.
I was just going to say, like, at the end of four years,
they're doing this shit in four years again.
What's going to happen?
What is she thinking, Maritz, that reaction?
Donald Trump is president.
Like that would be, if all of a sudden the army just comes out
and starts going down. Yeah, like there's what be if all the sudden the army just comes out and starts going down.
Yeah, like there's what happened.
Yeah, yeah, that leads her to believe she needs to react that way.
If Donald Trump or stuck something in her ass right at that moment.
Right.
Even then you shouldn't.
Can you ask me to go down?
And then, maybe.
Positive reactions, because I guarantee there's a guy in there that's as excited for the win as she was upset.
And you'll also look that stupid.
Really?
Yeah, but what's that?
Okay.
I care how much.
20 bucks.
Okay.
Really?
I don't care.
I'll put it in the top.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, equal with that means it's gotta be.
I'm a guy.
You know what I'm a guy.
I have the money in my pocket.
I know men are so good, they always carry cash.
That is what, why are you so only down on?
Why the guys always have cash?
I don't know, my dad's, he just makes me have it.
He always wants to feel it.
He always want to feel it, actually have.
My dad never doesn't have, even if he's like,
I won't even spend my last dollar.
He's like, I will never, ever,
I will always have at least one dollar in my wallet.
Yeah, cash on you. I can't find it.
What?
You still have it as a positive.
No, Trump.
Trump women's march positive reaction.
No, no, no, Trump inaugurate when, as soon as he's, because that happened when it's
things that he's the president.
Right, as soon as he was inaugurated, yeah.
So I guarantee there's a little asshole in there that's going
There's gotta be I never took it that's here like I just never because it be these people. It's like a religion
Yeah, it's like Scientology to some of these fucking looters. It's their only thing they have in their lives Dude if they lose them I never see the kid the fat kid flip out about the the world of warcraft game
Oh, yeah, it's the same thing You ever see the kid, the fat kid, flip out about the world of warcraft game?
Oh yeah.
It's the same shit.
Yeah, thank you.
This is his life and this country's beat him in a mall
and he's gonna be stepping the board.
That's acting as if somebody got cancer.
That's like, dude, I wouldn't ever,
if you said to me a meteor's coming.
Coming.
If you said to me, you're gonna make it.
No, no, no, you know that.
Paul, there's a meteor coming.
When, and it's white, it's coming on Tuesday.
It's coming on Tuesday.
And when's your podcast?
It's coming on, it's coming on this side with Thursday.
Thursday, it's coming on.
I'm gonna have to cancel the podcast.
It's coming Thursday, and it's white.
It's hitting your house.
Wow, you're not home, your kids and family home.
It hits them first.
And then, wait, why the fuck did you take it to that?
We were just talking about I was coming saying
It's coming to earth and all of a sudden it's gonna hit my fucking house. I am a method actor
The way I want Matt or at that point the house. I guess yeah, but I just but he personalized it
It's a planet. You didn't have to make it. I'm sorry
He did personalize it. Yeah, yeah, you're fucking your dog's gonna be looking up at it with your children
Yeah, your kids are gonna go mommy. What's that? I mean, what the fuck?
It's gonna make a whistler on the side.
The dog's having a child dog.
How many?
You at least.
The kids are pulling the dog to my wife as crying.
I'm fucking with them.
Your kid goes,
Yeah.
And where's dad?
And I'm on your fucking podcast with 18 other people
while the thing's coming.
There's other thing in the song.
Frozen.
There's three fucking people. Where's daddy? Oh, it's the podcast buffet. It's gonna sing it to the song. Frozen, it's three fucking people.
Where's daddy?
It's a podcast buffet.
It fucking Bobby's playing.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Lot of night.
Henry, look at the adorable thing.
One of my favorite songs, but you had to talk over me killing by the couch.
I was killing by the couch.
You had to talk over.
You had to sing over.
I was killing with this guy.
Look at this guy.
This guy's crying over here and you had to sing let it go while I was fucking killing over here. He's fucking crying. He's
hungry. Can I? Anyway, Jesus Christ. No, but honestly, like I wouldn't if if a meteor was
coming and they were like, Paul, you know, it's all over in a month. We're all dead. I'd
be like, ah, you know, let's go fucking see Rogue One. You know, let's go. Let's go. Let's
go see a movie. I don't, you know what I mean? I'm like, I don't worry like this. I don't
worry like this. You worry, but here's the thing though, you worry about the things
that matter to you, and in your life, you worry about,
you worry about, you worry about, you don't worry about,
you don't worry about your kid?
No, I worry about what I can control.
Right, that's what I worry about.
But you worry now, I disagree with that.
That must be sound like that.
You worry about stuff you don't control.
I worry about what I can control.
You worry about your kids, You worry about the flight.
You worry about getting to the airport,
getting a parking spot.
This thing's a bit of your life.
Getting a pure.
You don't worry about that shit.
I mean, how the fuck did we get to a parking space?
I'm slithing.
We just talked about Earth beating the end of Earth,
and then you go, you worry about getting a parking space.
And you go, whipped up when I said the kids had died.
What the fuck they got to die for?
What the fuck they got to die?
No, no, they just hit the ground.
We said my fucking day.
There you go, this thing's coming to my house.
That's all.
Because I was making it real long.
Listen, what I'm saying is, is that what we're real?
Yeah.
I think this is the most we ever wanted each other
on a show.
I love you.
I'm not bad.
Listen, you want my wife?
I like it.
Listen, what I'm saying is that, verse,
you worry about your world.
You do have anxiety, you know that. I definitely have anxiety. You worry about shit. Right, but I'm not is that verse, you worry about your world. You do have anxiety, you know that.
I definitely have anxiety.
You worry about shit.
Right, but I'm not,
what I'm saying is I can't control
what this government does.
Like I'm not gonna,
and if I ever could control it,
they fucking wipe me out.
Just like they did the John F. Kennedy or whoever else.
No one's changing anything.
Who Bobby's mom really likes?
What?
Oh, your mom likes.
I'll talk about my mom right now.
She's a proud woman, and she's like, okay. She likes his
Apparently, what did you find it? No, we try and find I haven't seen it
I was just a book. Can I say something as a moderate down the middle want to just be on TV?
Is it right? I agree with everybody listen
I'm serious. Bobby. I'm Bobby. I'm independent too. You know that I'm an independent
I try to see things from every vantage point. I just get frustrated
I know the manager and a lot of people think a lot of people always are like you know because I was I talked to you know
I'm good friends with burn burglars. Where is he fuck you when you're independent?
You know you're a Republican and I'm like no listen. I happen to you lean more right?
I am I'm a centrist who leans a little right with certain things, but I do feel this,
and people are gonna disagree with this.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm just with a heavy-ar.
I do feel when things don't go each party's way,
I feel like the left is a lot fucking more cry babies.
I really do.
I feel that it's a lot more of-
We're seeing it right now.
Well, you know what I mean?
I feel that way.
I really do.
There's whole situation right here,
this exact situation where you have the video tape
of this person doing this fucking stupid thing.
And then you go, just give,
well, they did the same thing,
all right, show me the evidence.
Show, I never get the facts, the website, or the video.
And it's like, well, they must have.
That doesn't cut it.
That doesn't cut it.
You don't think he's making the same noise right there
that the truth is.
And the jerk and each other off in public.
You know, awesome, that is.
They're teens just one.
Are they talking?
Yeah, they're team.
Yeah, exactly.
That was a past game last week.
How was it pushing?
Had any different than like a big chunk of cheese
on your head rooting for your damn football?
I agree with you.
I think it's religious.
I love the pats, but I don't love in the way I did
five years ago when the fucking giants he caught that fucking ball in his head.
Cox soccer should have never caught it.
And then he thanked Jesus, cock, fucking wrote a book.
Fuck him, he should have never had that first Super Bowl.
The giants!
That's Tyring.
It was more than a catch.
Oh, that ever.
Yeah, the thing is, it's not.
But I don't follow teams like that anymore.
Like I'm not gonna, because a Red Sox fan, Celtic fan, we used to hate the, I don't do that that anymore. Like I'm not gonna, cause Red Sox fan,
Saldex fan, we used to hate the,
I don't do that shit anymore.
It's not,
because my life,
because exactly,
the third pause.
Because that more responsibility
is in my life that really means shit.
I have to do things
and I don't have the time to fight with,
I got to fight with a guy
in front of my building on 43rd Street
about the Yankee.
He heard me over talking about the red socks with the door guy
And he chimed in we both had I have my silky terrier he had a shitsoo
Oh, and we're about to fucking roll each other in the snow
Two fat guys with gay dogs. Oh, those dogs that you're gonna fucking snow
With those fucking dogs
I'm sorry where you have I got a fucking wolf by the way you want him. I'm sorry, were you have fucking?
I got a fucking wolf, by the way, you want him?
I mean, oh my god, this fucking thing I got.
Ah, Jesus.
He's got a fucking...
No, I got a fucking wolf.
I got a wolf.
My wife fucked up because it was cute.
And next thing, you know, this thing is ripping up.
You guys had his huge nose? Oh, he's got no, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's your shit someone this guy arguing in the street,
like you're gonna blow each other.
I got something eating my couch.
My fridge, my wife.
All right, that's a little too loud.
Let me control, you,
we're fucking fighting over volume here.
Yeah, you remember I was looking for a dog.
You know, I got two kids and I said to my wife
that I wanted a gun. And she goes, you know, you're not, you know, we're not going to get a gun right now.
I'll get to the point. She's like, you're not getting a gun right now. And I was like,
why? You know, we got a lot of land. I turned into like a fucking 1800s guy. I'm going
to protect his land. Yeah, yeah. I got both this land. I will not let the artist get
to land. So my son's into action movies and shit. My daughter says, like, he got kids
over. God forbid. So I was like, oh, look, then we're getting a, we're getting a fucking dog, you know, but we're getting like a guard. I wanted I want to I want a soldier walking around my house
You know, I want something for real
So she fucking starts looking for a dog
These dangerous
Like this not even I don't want to stay come to
I've never seen not even a guy with like a,
a Puerto Rican mustache or like.
You go to a goatee from miles of your place.
Bobby, you go to a rubah, right?
I do.
So you've seen, so my,
I've what?
You've got, so you've seen the dogs.
Oh, oh.
Yeah, what'd you think I'm in?
I don't know, you got me, you've seen.
I was like, I've seen.
Yeah, cause I follow you.
Yeah, so I gotta get a gun.
Yeah.
I've seen.
So my wife's show, we go to shelter.
It's the original dog.
Yeah, so we go to, yeah, he's a Ruby and Kanuko,
but he actually doesn't look like,
he kind of looks like the one over there.
So anyways, my, you know, I was like,
can we get like a pure bridge?
Sometimes she's like, let's go to a shelter.
So we go to the shelter and they're all fucked up
at the shelter, right?
They were just like, I was like, we want this one.
And she, well, they're not good with kids.
Oh, that one needs training.
So I was like, fuck, we're done.
So we're done.
We're not going to get one.
My wife got the bug.
She had the itch.
So while she's at work, she's searching.
She's searching.
She's searching.
And all of a sudden, she sends me this beautiful puppy.
So I always calm with kids.
Everything.
She goes long story short.
She takes the fucking dog home and she brings this dog home
It's beautiful quiet right so like what kind of dogs I go to the pet store. What kind of dog do you get?
And I go oh, I got an Arubian canuko and she goes oh wow you got a primitive dog
Oh, I didn't know what that meant. Oh, what do you call my dog?
I didn't know if they were called my dog stupid. I swear to God she goes you got a primitive dog and I got the fuck
I can't use that word a couple times on Twitter. Oh my goodness never so I go what's that mean?
And she says well, it's in between domestic and wolf
Oh my god, and this fucking thing is just yeah
He's jumping up like a kangaroo he's biting everything nobody wants them
And I have this fucking wolf in my house right now and you're talking about fighting a guy
Because of that fucking white rat on steroids
you had or whatever the fuck it was.
He's dead, you cock suck a cow.
Oh, that's cow.
That's cow.
Don't fucking trash my cow.
Oh.
And diva, diva don't fuck with diva neither.
Who's diva?
Diva's dead too, they both died this year.
You're not the fuck up.
Oh, both your dogs.
They both died this year.
And then let me tell you something.
That is so hard.
You know, cause you have a kid too.
As soon as the dogs die, my wife was like,
well, all right, well, that's cool.
That's so funny.
That's so funny.
Two things to fucking take care of.
Let me tell you something.
I love my dogs.
My wife, we love both the dogs,
but it was like, it was a motherfucker.
Having a Keith Robinson said it,
the second you have a goddamn damn kid your dogs become dogs
You are a pain in the cunt. He's just watching him come on cough
You wait for the assholes to get fucking smaller just the those back legs the thin out no
Back legs to thin out. No, I'm kidding.
But oh my God.
But Calbee went in the middle of the night thing.
He went awesome, beautiful.
And the middle night went to bed.
I came home, got to see him, gave him a kiss.
And then he was on 16.
Yeah, that's a very old, very old, great life.
Great life.
And he went right at the end, like only for like a week
he was sick and then he went, which was awesome.
And, you know, and then Deva, she, I was, I get a little emotional because Deva was my dog.
But I get a little sad because she went while I was on the road.
And she woke up one day with this shit that fucks the real living room.
So they're just spinning.
And she brought it to the vet.
Jesus.
Yeah, my Deva was my baby girl girl and I didn't get to say goodbye.
Oh.
And she, she went, they went to the vet and she was like, you know,
it might go away in a few days, it might never go away.
And you need that, you're gonna, she's gonna be $200.
Did you, it might, it might, it might, it might not.
Well, that's a thing.
I said, I don't know how to to do it so I was like listen don't
Uh-oh if you want to put this dog in a hospital, but I don't give a fuck
I'll you can do it we you know, but I talked to the doctor and she was like look it would be
In your best interest it wouldn't be bad if you put the eva down
Don had to put her down and that fucking killed me because I
Will be you're gonna do though. Oh you one of those owners that would have sit there as I cradleed my dog
And it breathed its last breath fuck that noise. You need that memory
Fuck that. I mean look. I'm not I'm not worried. I think everything
Even with the vet. There you go. Have a pisser. I'm so glad you don't get I'm glad to get the needle in him as I spit in the fuck around.
I'm so glad you don't have kids.
I can't wait to hear your hot young girlfriend
says the same thing about you and her on Tedgier's.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna fucking sit there and
rattle this fucking old cock.
Fuck him.
Fucking stick the little azamand.
It's hilarious.
Yeah, I mean, look, it's sad, but you're a dog, dude.
I mean, those dogs, they call it the original dog.
No, I knew when it was fucked up when Bobby goes,
you got the first dog, and then you know what you're meant
the first dog.
That is, they call it the first dog.
Every dog was from that dog.
Really?
Yes, that's the dog, they call it the original.
I found lots of training tips for primitive dogs.
What do you got? The first tip is...
Yeah, euthanasiation.
Yeah, it's a 22.
Take a month of the pantry in the back of the pumpkin.
The first tip is, if the dog is failing, it's not them.
It's you. That's a whole big...
It is me. Yeah, failing, it's not them. It's you. That's a big, it is me.
Yeah, liberals say the same thing.
Yeah, right.
The second tip is you can.
Liberals really do have the same things as dog training.
Dog training, yeah.
Never the dog.
Second tip is you can't make a primitive breed do anything.
That sounds not fun at all.
Wow, he shows me his teeth when I tell him not. a primitive breed to do anything. That sounds not fun at all. Wow.
He shows me his teeth when I tell him not.
Oh, that's good.
Buddy, you gotta get the dog out.
That's good.
That's a good stuff.
I'll just be like, no, yeah.
Like, no, don't do that.
Oh, yeah, you can do that.
That's good.
Buddy, you can't, you can't.
Is he good with cats though?
Yeah, I mean, he's just good, but he's just a little bit.
He's not good with the fucking owner.
He's wild. He's fucking wild. I mean, he's just, he's good, but he's just a good with the fucking owner. He's wild.
He's fucking wild.
I have, imagine having a fucking hungry wolf
running around your house.
That's what I have.
That's what I have.
That's what I have.
That's because he's got all that room back in the middle.
And then my wife is telling me,
but here's the thing, my wife's like, get rid of him.
And I'm fucking loyal.
I'm fucking loyal.
She used to one that got him.
Yeah.
Now she's saying, get rid of him.
And you're the one that's like, I can't do that.
Exactly.
I'm like, I see, if this guy shows up at at a shelter and I know his attitude. They're killing him
This fucking dog is dead. You know, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing it
We made a decision to get this dog and we're gonna
Smart because if it bite it doesn't bite what if he what you never know though
I know we've had him over a year
That's not a just shows for us. That's not a fucking chance you take with a kid. Cause you look at, like I told my wife,
if the kid, if the dog ever fucking goes near the kid
at all, fucking go, we go over people's houses.
This is what fucking kills me.
You go over somebody's house and they're like,
no, the dog's fine.
Uh huh.
Yeah, yeah, that's great.
No, it's okay.
You just can't look them in the eye
or fucking say the word and.
Yeah.
Matt, I've been going over someone's house and they just caught your fist at you the whole
time.
It's like, just don't look at them.
Don't look at them.
And now you've got to be comfortable.
Fuck you.
I told my wife, we were over.
That's funny.
That's funny.
We're over relative to ourselves.
And the dog was growling at Max and they kept saying, no, he's okay.
He's okay.
He's okay.
And I grabbed Don.
I go, let me tell you something.
That's my favorite.
That's my favorite when you do that.
I go, you don't, I don't give a, you don't fucking, they don't know.
They're not dogwists.
That's not seasonaline.
They're fucking, they're just trying to, they love their dog.
We, I love Max. if max's face gets fucked up
Because some fucking dog and they're gonna go sorry. I go let me you either the dog
Goes or we go right now. I don't fucking play games with that's like when my wife
You know tries to play doctor and she's like you know you're fine or it's probably this, you don't know. Go to the fucking doctors.
I work my ass off for good insurance
and go get it checked out.
You never went, wow, your girl's ass is good.
Yeah, I looked at it too.
I ain't fucking.
What the fuck?
What were we talking about?
I have no idea what the fuck happened.
I was just like, buddy, I'm sorry, it just came out.
I was so into the story.
I know, buddy, but whatever the fuck,
I get what you, I get what you about to be like. Oh my god, I didn't see this is why I'm story. I know buddy, but all right whatever the fire I get what you I you
I mean got it see this is why I'm not
Mark you I hope she
This is why we I stood behind the marshal. I will enjoy the view if she's marching. I'm fucking marches
I'm hit so and whatever she does that's hilarious. I was all into like what happened did they leave the party?
And he's like I'm like did they leave the point? Well was, I was, what was I talking about? And he's like, I'm like, did they leave the party?
Well, look, your girl's ass.
I'm sorry, dude.
I got blessed.
Who said that?
What part of the story is?
I, I, I, I, that's, by the way, that's my favorite thing you do.
What do you do a couple things?
But the one is when, when you get really upset, you, you call somebody and you whisper
and you go, let me tell you, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will tell you
to do it.
I will fucking it.
You just get, you go real low. Yeah. Come here. Come here. Yeah. Let me tell you, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I And he's mad at my kid so get the fucking dog. What for being there? Well, it's an alpha thing.
It's like who's this fucking little guy?
Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
Hi.
Hey, oh, you're gonna turn, excuse me,
miss, you gotta turn the thing. Turn, turn,
turn the door.
I'm gonna shut it one more time.
What a second door.
No, the second door.
Shut the second door.
No, what is it? To the left.
No, what is it? I'm with it to the left no
With the swag I gotta go home to me Um, I I just don't like hate that people with dogs and they think that you know because the dog is all right with them
It's go with us. It's go. It's like you feed it
Fucking Godzilla would be a sweetheart if you can throw him Japanese guys
That's a little bit sweetheart if you can throw him Japanese guys
That's a great thing. It's like having a fucking time bomb. You constantly have to reset Yeah, fuck of course you feed in the fuck if you want to hungry. Yeah
Oh, yeah, you might be a little hungry today
Where is he gonna go? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
His fucking Ming, he's Zing.
He's the one.
His name's Kaewo, enjoy your cocksucker.
Oh shit.
Don't want to upset you, but soon we run out of Japanese guy.
It's too far.
We might have to fool him.
Come on, look for from all Japanese girls.
We just go to Korea.
Ha ha ha.
I didn't want to know.
He got that on the whole Korean from Japanese.
Oh shit.
Oh shit.
Oh god.
Oh shit.
Oh god.
It is.
That is dangerous though.
Manganzae.
Like what's wrong with him?
If you have kids, you really should get like a lab.
Labs are like goofy fucking cool dogs.
Yeah, people that get pit bulls
and I don't want to hear the fucking argument.
They're the sweetest dogs.
Yeah, 98% of all fucking dogs that attack people
are pit bulls.
That's something some ridiculous.
German Shepherd.
German Shepherd, so they bite more people a year
than any other dog.
I believe.
Probably like per capita.
Oh, it was out.
It was out.
In 1985, that was a fact.
Oh, yeah, in 1938, in fucking Warsaw, it was a fact.
German Shepherd's in fucking dobes
with the mother fuckers back in the 80s.
I mean, it was in every movie.
I want to German Shepherd and people were like, they're too possessive. They're too possessive. They look, they
look at, like, you could have family come over. And if they're not a media family, they're
just scoping on the whole fucking time. They look awesome. They, they're beautiful dogs.
They're the best looking dogs. German Shepherd, Adobe, a, a full fucking
Adobe, Domement Pincher is one of the baddest motherfuckin dogs in the planet Earth.
But if you have kids, you got to get like a cool breed that they don't have to be little fucking shit Yorkshire terrier or something
But yeah like a lab something cool that you could just
They just lay down my my pit bull my pity is so nice
That it rips you throw it out thoroughbred. Oh, yeah, look at that thing. That is a cool looking fucking
Oh, when that thing's barking at you, dude, it's no joke. Oh
Yeah, no, they did
Yeah, they always have in movies barking in slow motion
Nordshore animal Yeah, I got it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.? The guest told me to Google it's a Caucasian mountain dog.
Oh, a privileged mountain dog?
A dog that gets everything he wants.
Oh, this weekend.
That puppy was born with a backpack of privilege.
That dog is what's wrong with dogs.
Blown me.
Goddamn dog, it's always up in the mountains.
Do you know other people lick his balls for him?
Oh, it was a thing.
You know when that dog shits, there's somebody there picking it up right when it comes out of a task. Oh, I get it
Whoa look at that looks nasty. I'm gonna run. Yeah
Holy shit
That's super cool. That's super cool.
That's super cool.
That's like a fake mythical cruise ship.
Oh, that's a type of lady.
That's a type of lady.
Look, he's fine.
You just got to go look him in the eyes.
Don't tilt your head down to the left.
Don't make any fast movement.
Anywhere this arm protector.
Yeah, where this suit?
Can we put her next week? Oh, she definitely doesn't live in New York.
No, yes, that is a monster.
She lives by herself with that dog.
She married that dog.
That looks like a special effect in American wearl of London.
That's ridiculous.
Very scary.
That's horrible.
Her fucking inner thighs.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, Christ.
She marched, yeah.
She pushed it. You heard her
The all dogs. Oh, I like is that still for the for the fucking dog?
Is that funny? Well, I want to say the last tip for owning a primitive dog. Yeah, to keep your heart open
Yeah, or else it will open it for you
There you go
That's when dog trainers gave up.
Yeah.
You just got to keep your heart open.
Keep an open heart.
Doesn't it sound like liberals?
Oh, totally.
Keep your heart open.
Keep your heart open.
Lots of hugs.
That's, wow, that's, that's the first.
I bet there's a lot of hugs on that.
Vers.
You got to get rid of the dog.
How long have you, how long have you had it? Just open your door, let it run out. A year, a year, yeah.. Vers, you gotta get rid of the dog. How long have you, how long have you had it?
Just open your door, let it run out.
A year, yeah.
Vers, you gotta get rid of the dog.
Take it.
I took him for a really, really long walk today,
and like, it helps, don't know.
He just needs, like somebody's like,
a dog like this needs three hours a day of running.
I'm like, what the fuck?
I gotta get the dog.
I'm like, I gotta work.
It's a big thing.
What you should do is get some like, hang in let off the fucking least some canions to come over that
Look I'm living the basement take the dog out every day
Stuff
Three hours a day
No, you gotta go and play with them three hours a day. I'm like I can't watch you do this get a big fence for you yard
And let them just run around the backyard. Yeah, that's that's we're gonna give that one more try
Dude you gotta get rid of the dog. Yeah, that's that's we're gonna give that one more try dude
You gotta get rid of the dog. I'm sorry dude. Goffa bit something. So go for a bit one day
Some of your kid gets a little fuck you and I honestly don't think you're kid ever goes
Hey, stop it and he goes fuck you. I'll listen to the other bald guy, but I'm with the nice sneakers, but fucking I don't think
He's gonna I don't think he would do it the word I don't think he's gonna, I don't think he would do it. The word, I don't think in my life,
no place with children.
There is, it's not gonna happen.
Go get a silky Terry, dude.
Go get a nice little dog that he's fair.
No, I want so big, man.
I want a big fucking dog.
I don't want to put that like a wrestle with.
Buddy, what are you, what the fuck is that?
Take a, get a hobby.
To go with a new Finland, you ever see a new Finland man? Is that a new Finland? I got a cold swim and shit. What are you? What the fuck is that taken get a hobby
Finland you ever see a new Finland man. It's not a Finland. It's a new Finland. I was I said you said Finland newfoundland. Oh New Finland there. You know that could swim in a little fucking lake. Yeah, but Finland is a different. It's newfoundland
I'm sorry. Wow. Now we're saying it wrong now. Oh shit
Now we're saying it wrong now. Oh shit
Right and shit what's he beversy that's like stepping in dinosaur shit
Shit on the couch my wife look look
I didn't mean to do that didn't come out it came out. I'm sorry
That just came out. I'm sorry That just came out
That was like the body snag is
If that thing said if you have an accident Oh, we had an accident on the floor
Throw the fucking carpet away
Dude you roll it up
That shit is frozen of a body That like, this isn't a body.
That's like your kid stepping in quicksand.
Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, rubah. But see, I can't, I can't fucking do it.
Go to a rubah.
Don't do it.
Go to a rubah.
Bring him home.
That's how they got there.
How can people do that, man?
How can people do that?
How can you just give up a dog that you like to care for?
I don't know.
I can't do it.
You're fucking kids gonna have a hair lip
because they're gonna have to sew his lip back up
because there's people out of foster kids
for more than a year and they get rid of them.
Yeah.
It's a fucking dog for a year.
Good boy.
Hair's, yeah. Fucking picture of them. It's a fucking dog for a year. It cares. Yeah, fuck a picture of them.
This dog will find.
How about this?
How about you find a single guy who can take care of the dog,
a hunting, bring him up.
Why do I put him in the ad?
Hey, Wolf, you want a wolf?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
with Trump supporter upstate New York lonely.
Fucking nine million guys fucking respond yet
Dude I'm telling you get to get rid of the dog. Oh my wife. You gotta walk them shit and like the winter stuff You got take them outside. Yeah, walk around who the fuck wants that kind of I train my dogs
I open the back door. I made a dog run with a little gate. They'd go in shit piss come back in some people should walk
I'm just
Mother fucker
Those are positive
And those just came up
That was not pre-meditated. It's fucking yeah, I can't
That's your fault for having a fucking roller skating pants.
The fuck is this?
The balleroo?
She fucking a living-new John Pan?
Is Anadu?
Oh, shit.
Yeah, that's too much work, Adob.
Too much fucking work.
You got to watch.
It's too much, you can't leave him overnight or anything.
And you put this on your wife
when you leave girl on the road.
Now she's got two kids and a wolf.
And a wolf.
Yeah.
That's nuts.
Wow.
That's a wolf.
Oh, fuck, did you give me anxiety?
Because you're right.
I thought you didn't have anxiety.
I thought you didn't worry about that.
I thought you were thinking about it.
I don't.
Well, I mean, this is, I just got,
somebody could take care of.
Yeah, I could control it,
right? Yeah. Why are you? Yeah, you fucking dump that sucker off in Roscoe, New York. Oh,
let it fucking follow a river down the run back. Find some duck hunter, cabin.
Look, you should see, I know, man, you should see if somebody, listen, you should see if somebody
can, I guarantee this somebody out there in upstate New York, that was, you know what I'll take it, I have a farm.
Look, if I, my dream someday is to have a farm and have fucking every dog in the world.
What are you, tin?
Jesus.
And I want to go to the carnival and I want to be an astronaut.
I'm sorry, my dream one day is to have a whole cake and a whole pizza at the same time.
Thank you for snapping me out of it.
It looks like dreams came true.
Oh, that was the two.
Wow.
How do you know in the fucking,
this fucking audience went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Well, holy shit.
That was funny. Yeah. I forgot the bomb breath. Whoa, well. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's very she would let you have a gun, but she let's have a wild animal walk around in the house Yeah, it's good at least I say safety you can't get a gun, but I want you something that turns into a wolf And here's a fucking mom's thing. I was like, at least at least if somebody comes to the house doing true
I got a wolf right that was my dog
Yeah, yeah, and then the fucking people come to the house and he's sleeping
I got this fucking like he's a wild he just like a lazy wolf
Yeah, I have a wolf like when he wants to sleep because yeah, he's not even on alert like that.
Oh man.
Dude, I'm scared.
I want to look at him, but you're a fucking wolf.
Dude, the pizza guy's here, give him hell.
And it's, do your job.
Oh, fuck.
I got it.
Why are we gonna end this?
I'm fucking, I'm gonna end this.
Love it.
What a fucking show.
God, fun, fun once again. I think we, I'm a love it. What a fucking show God fun once again
I think we I think we learned something you got to get ready a dog
That's all I learned from this episode. I don't get the original the original primitive dog
You don't get a dog that's crazy. Don't gonna talk to the guy at the fucking pangos. Oh shit. You got a primitive
They're gonna talk to the guy at the fucking pongo's shit. You got a primitive
That's like actually it's just like you go. Oh, yeah, I want to get a kit
It's like yeah, but I picked up a saber tooth tiger and it's the original cat
When you go to a ruby you see them right? Hey, buddy when you go to a ruba, you'll be literally lying there and then just this pack
of three.
Oh my god.
And just know that running rampant ruba.
And they just, they killed 200 of them a month in a ruba at a kill shelter.
They're running around.
They found my guy and his sibling in a dumpster.
They actually use them to, they use them as energy to burn them at a hotel for the lights.
Oh my god.
Jesus fuck kidding.
That's not true. When you think of Flamingon as a, I'm hotel for the lights. Jesus, fuck kidding, that's not true.
When you think they'll fully manion is at the top of the top.
I'm talking, yeah, they'll come right up to your beach
and plop right down next year,
and they're like, you ain't doing shit, bitch.
If you move, I'll fucking bite your nose off.
Do people feed? I bet people feed them a lot.
I know, they run out of beach and shit.
They'll come up and grab your food if you leave it out there.
You'll look over and you're fucking chicken salads gone.
They're like pigeons or seagulls at the zoo or something.
I love dogs and these dogs, even in a robot, they don't fuck with you really, but they
are.
That's the original dog.
He just wants to go.
Like he's just fucking wants to go.
He's like always ready for a fucking job.
To upstate New York, let him go.
Let him go. Let him give him find somebody
Put it out there just you know, you don't have to be an asshole. We don't just drop him off on the fucking
We were like once he gets fixed. They're like once he gets fixed. It'll be all right
So I got him fixed and they're like yeah, he'll be sluggish till at least five
He'll be sluggish dude. He was fucking up up jumping, barking at noon, looking as fucking scars.
He was looking as scarves like when we called for a run.
So glad you got these off me. They were fucking.
I can just fucking jizz in these broads and nothing happens.
I'm gonna fucking cat the Saturday.
Hi, Liz and Verzy. What do you got, Bubba?
Oh, uh, wait, what I got?
Fucking February 7th. Yeah, I got a fucking wolf. Anybody need a dog? No, I got a
February 17th and 18th I'll be headlining the comedy connection in Providence
Yeah, I'm also gonna be at on the one night only on the seventh of February
I'm gonna be at the Charlotte comedy zone and I have a bunch of new dates on my site Paul Versey dot com
So check those out and the Versey effect the Versey effect podcast site, PaulVersi.com. So check those out. And the Versi Effect podcast.
Yeah, hilarious podcast.
Thank you.
Funny as mother fucker.
Thank you, man.
Love them.
Very good.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
What do you got?
I'm doing your show.
When the fuck are you on my show?
I never look.
I'm doing your show February 13th.
Monday.
Oh, yeah.
Welcome.
They hit me.
Yeah.
It's awesome.
Glad I got to meet you first. Yeah. Yeah. We, I see there we can have a shit on the marchers
What an exchange of ideas will have
Most of one-sided conversation ever I know right they did the fuck you know
I agree wholeheartedly
That'll be the conversation
Oh well compound media.com that's where uh... my show and a bunch of other shows
yeah but i was i was actually uh...
you two you have gathered you two gather gather that was fucking mind a little
man does he make me laugh i mean i don't believe in everything he says
but this motherfucker
he dressed up on gregg gut felt show one time as i think a liberal something
yes he has this liberal alter ego.
What was that?
He's, that was me going like in fucking.
Nobody dressed like a liberal.
Is there a costume?
Yeah, he actually pulls it off.
It's some kind of in between militant hipster look thing.
Oh, okay.
Like you're ready to cause some trouble, man.
Yeah, it's, it's, uh, yeah, he's got a character to it was funny.
And then what's the kid, the fat kid that he the little red headed?
Oh, that's fucking cause that real.
I don't know what any of it is.
It's almost addictive.
This red cat he decided to he's a real obnoxious.
He decided to be a transgender person.
And it's, it's insane.
I don't know.
Yeah, actually, it's very funny.
The Compon meanie, of course you show,
it's hilarious and, I mean,
just one of the funniest motherfuckers.
I said, thank you.
And one of the fastest pieces of,
you and Obi-Wan are going back together.
What's cool about that?
You know what it is?
It's like, if something happens,
I'm willing to listen to talk about any options
that are out there.
I'd say it.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that.
I got that. I got that. I got God. All right, it's a couple.
Oh.
I mean, I heard when I've heard you guys talk a couple times.
Yeah.
And let me tell you something.
I don't care what all the shit bubble by get it all.
There is chemistry between you two assholes.
It's for fucking 20 years.
We think that shit's so.
There is.
When you guys start yapping, there's just this thing that happens when you're like, I'd
listen to this.
It's a very easy conversation. Yeah, going back and forth on any topic. It's like,
it's like, yeah, 20 fucking years is doing it. I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't know, man.
I mean, serious satellite, get, you know, get your shit together. Do something because
if you guys, I mean, I listen to it and I, I fucking, when you guys start talking, I was
like, wow, it was a complete, I mean, look, I love your you guys start talking I was like wow it was a complete I mean look
I love your show opi show great you guys talk that time I listen to it
I was like wow there's something here. Yeah, it's a whole another fucking creature
Yeah, one of the most I know you want to wrap up, but I just wanted to know one of the most
Compact because I never was up enough to listen to any radio ever
I never did unless they fucking had me. Unless they had me.
Oh, no, no, no, but one of the most compelling radio
was you guys had a woman on who wanted to,
a guy was gonna let her live with him
and he's had killed two people.
Oh, yeah.
And I'm in my car.
I'm in my car and I'm going like,
I don't know, I didn't, I don't know what's going on
and I'm like, I gotta listen to him.
And I just sat in my car in the city
and he were trying to find a place for her to live
and this guy was on the phone and he had apparently killed
two people.
Two people.
And he was like, but I love her and she'll be very comfortable
here and very careful and you guys were like,
we're really trying to sit.
You were going off, yeah.
And I was just like, and that was the first time
I was just like, that was the first time in my mind
I was like, there is a difference between radio and good radio.
Like there's a fucking difference where like it was like radio
turned into a movie.
I was just like, what the fuck is this?
I almost got killed one time because of the fucking show.
So there was, I don't know who it was.
I think it was Norton Patrice, Anthony,
oh, I don't know, and there was Trash and something.
And I almost swerved it under a truck
Because I was fucking dying. I've had to pull a bunch of time
You know, it was done that the O'Bee Andy show in Stern. Yeah, I've had to pull over a couple of times
You just go I'm gonna spend the next 20 minutes listening to this conversation until they go to break when we
Did shit on each other all of us would be in there and Patrice and Vos and you and fucking
Dita Paulo Jimmy it's so much fun All of us would be in there and Patrice and Voss and you and fucking, eat the Apollo, Jimmy.
It's so much fun.
It's like a workout.
You want to say something and it's got to be quick so you can't filter it and it might
bomb and if it does you are in the fucking barrel but you want to get it out there.
I used to fucking the strategy.
I used to put my clothes out and be like, okay, okay, we're the, no, not that.
And I'd look at my outfit going, I can't, nope, nope.
Oh, cause, yes, cause they'll goof on your fucking shirt.
Yeah, or your shoes or something.
I used to wake up, I used to make sure,
like, I got to the point where I was starting,
I was getting strategies, like life strategy.
All right, I have to get at least seven hours of sleep.
Yeah, if I'm awake, then I'm more aware, I can, I have to get at least seven hours of sleep. Yeah.
Because if I'm awake, then I'm more aware I can, I can fight back.
Yeah.
Last time I was on, I got four hours of sleep, I was too tired.
I and I, they around an hour in, they fucking attacked and I went down.
And you're just sizing the people up in the room, like looking at their clothes or their hair,
what they just said.
Yeah.
Something and you just, once you fucking laid just said yeah something and you just a great once you
Fucking laid the hook in though and everyone just piled on yeah, so goddamn funny
Oh, remember the show we had once you called the spinning wheel of death
Yeah, and it just kept going a rat. We kept smacking it was on me and then it was on boss and then it went to you
So the cruel is shit was when people would bring in
their early stuff, like, oh, this is a video from,
I brought in my stuff.
The early day, yeah, we, oh, that Jimmy brought in his,
a tape, he was doing some wacky voice.
Yeah, that was, oh, was that rough.
That was a rough one.
And we attacked Opie.
We were like, we go paralyzed.
Opie was always the guy in class that would hide his head when the teacher was asking for
the answer.
He did not want to get involved in the chicaneery.
Oh, you guys weren't classed together in high school?
No.
But that's the kind of like the way he was when all the comics were around.
He did not want, he didn't want to be called on.
Let's say, it was just really brutal.
What the fuck?
The poppy verse. Oh, you were in class together? called on. Let's say it was just really brutal. What the fuck?
Bobby. Oh, you were in class together. No, I didn't have
listen to the same close. Now, look at him and look at OP. Oh,
Christ. OP is white and pretty. Yeah, we were in the same class.
That's a Mexican nail banger right there. What a Colin call me a
back alley Tunisian knife fighter. Thank you.
Call.
You really should have a parrot and a knife.
I'll take it.
All right, man.
Well, listen, I'm glad that you guys are talking again.
Maybe we'll see what happens.
Casey, what do you got, Bob?
I'm at New York comedy club tomorrow night for standup on the spot.
Oh, it's cool.
Which is fun.
And then at the Hartford Funnybone, I think,
on February 26th.
How is, I love that club.
It's in the mall, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm one of the manager out there.
I really like to.
The people that work there are,
it was one of those clubs the first time I worked there.
I almost fought the sound guy.
Yeah.
Well, because first of all, you go in and the green room the you know all the
middle and the the local guys are just sitting there eating and you walk in nobody even gets
up it's like so I have to stand is that what I gotta do standing the fucking green room you
fucking get that fuck up so I'm like hey I'm gonna sit down somewhere so one of you guys has
got a fucking move a little bit you know what I I mean? I mean, you should know that.
Right.
But, and then the sound guy,
to get you off stage on time would turn the lights up.
So there was so hot, you'd literally start burning
like a tanning setting.
You sweat, but you're for it, you'd be like,
I'm so hot and you'd be like, all right, I gotta go.
I, from stage, I went, if you don't turn those fucks.
So you got low, so you got low?
If you don't turn those fucks.
This motherfucker won.
Yeah.
I, I, I go.
I go, if you don't turn those fucking,
I'm gonna smash you in the head.
You turn into like a sexy seductive,
I swear to God, I'm gonna fucking,
I will fucking destroy this.
I was, I go, I'm gonna hit you in the head with this fuck,
I'm gonna come back there and beat you with this mic stand.
On, like literally killing every laughing
and it was so real and so the whole crowd was like,
oh no, like what are you okay?
I was turning those fuck, I'm not a pig roast,
you fucking cocksucker.
But I actually went back again and we became friends after that.
I actually, I had to go up to him and do it.
Don't you fucking touch the lights
because that's what he did to people. He would turn the lights up,
but the manager's sweetest hell and everybody else,
there's a big guy that, big guy that works there.
He works the door.
He looks like, he looks like,
you know when the night comes in and saves the king
and he's like, you will have my daughter.
And the hot one like your girlfriend comes on,
he's like, all excited, but it's not that one.
It's the big fat one.
Oh, no.
He looks like a king's fat daughter.
You know what I'm saying?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Try to Google it?
Google the king.
I'm just saying that.
He's the greatest guy ever.
Every time I was there, he is a sweet kid.
He would be probably in like bread
He made bread. She was just a big guy and
You have low standards. Oh
Who comes up? That's terrible. It's like Rob Schneider's daughter. It was a singer. What a great singer
Yeah, but how does that come up as King's fat daughter?
jeez
What a bunch of fucking assholes.
She's the first picture in King's fat daughter.
She's a great singer.
But you'll love it.
So that's great.
Where else, yeah?
What else you get going on?
I'm at Eastphill all weekend as well here.
Yeah, a couple little things in between.
So.
All right, well, good to have you back on.
Yeah, thanks really.
I've never seen a while.
So thank you. Come back on again. I will. You know, well, good to have you back on. I've never seen a while. So thank you.
Come back on again.
I will.
You know, and did we, did you learn anything?
I'm kidding.
I've learned I want more girls here next time.
I really, I want to have a good girl.
You were really like right there on your own.
She was great.
It's a great, that you handled yourself.
Come, she was great.
You didn't wavre at all. But you know you kept your mouth shut when you should.
I know.
Thank you for sharing that.
You're the best. I love you. That's why and I love all you guys. Hey, you guys.
Thanks for coming in. What's your name, big guy? What?
Of course it is. What's your name, sweetie? I forget your name.
Diana. Hi, Diana. Yeah.
It's going on, Bob. It's Omi. I know you.
You support all of us.
This guy comes to all of us.
Really? Yeah. Any, all of us.
We do live shows. He's always here.
And he's always supporting. And he's right up front.
So God bless you, man.
And then you girlfriend.
Thank you for coming in.
I don't want to end the family, I'm sorry.
I apologize.
Thanks for making our day.
Yeah, thanks for mentioning my day.
Hopefully, thanks for making my shower tomorrow.
People, people, what do you guys?
I have two podcasts where I do most of my talking.
I have gigs of New York podcast and I go to hell podcast.
This is a hard show to jump in on but I tell you what I shouted some shit in there.
He did some stuff but he did when he did was great right?
We were talking about that all that stuff and at one point he went, hey what do you, what
do you think about the Katie Rich to do?
Yeah, and he totally took a left right because we were done with that but we just kept
yammering. Yes and he taught you a left, right? Cause we were done with that, but we just kept you hammering. Yes.
And he thought you had fuck good producing tonight.
I brought it right back in, yeah.
I love to contribute those three times.
Lane did that.
But yeah, I have those two podcasts.
Yeah.
Follow me everywhere at Art2D.
And I've been streaming lately on Twitch,
like late at night, having some fun doing that.
So, when are we gonna see these?
We could just play a clip right now.
What are you playing?
Walking Dead season two.
It's like a choose your own adventure version
of the Walking Dead.
Yeah, we'll do that next time.
We, uh, yeah.
It's not juicy like the monologue clips.
So unfortunately, Lauren, when are we gonna get
your fucking, she did stand up for the first time.
Oh, yeah.
How'd it go?
Well, she got electrocuted in the asshole.
So there you go. I did pay to paint, though. Yeah, yeah, you had to get paid for being the first time. Oh yeah. Yes. How to go. Well, she got electrocuted in the asshole. I did
pay to paint. So yeah, you have to get paid for being the first one ever you decide.
First like not open like. Oh wow. They should do that with Comedy Central Specials.
I want to get that audio. All right. All right, sweetie. Don't we all find it, Bob. What do you got?
I don't worry. What do you got, babe? Just at Lauren Cooper. You can follow me. And if you're a fan of the podcast and you want to come in and be a fan and sit in
email me at YKWD producer. She loves dick pics too, but
I love it. She just saw a few. Send me a good one, a girthy one.
Thank God when you say that they never do all they sent them to me last time
Yeah, I got fucking the only one you would send right?
You know you send a fucking girl the good one what are you gonna send the fucking limp pencil?
There was a couple weird shape ones one look like a Zeppelin
I never get anything I never I got one fucking I've been dying for a titty pig or something
I got one half I got half titty and then you know
And then there was one girl that just sent me her second dick and I was like this is too much. Wow. I don't a lot
I can't this is too much. You know, yeah, there's a middle ground
Send me you know maybe a wet t-shirt
maybe a wet t-shirt, half a tit, and dick-sucking, every time in the middle.
Yeah, yeah.
That's not in the middle, huh?
All right, so me, what do I got?
Bobby's dates coming up.
Our January 27th, 29th, we have Bobby at McCurdy's
in Sarasota, Florida.
Yeah, this weekend, man, I'm excited to go back.
McCurdy's, I played it for the first time in the last year.
Great club, one of my favorite clubs.
Dude, I'm telling you, the crowds are awesome. The guy who owns it great and Sarasota
Is a cool little town to hang out in February second through the fifth. He will be the off the hook comedy club in Naples Florida another
I mean look it's a
Captain Brian the guy he puts you know you think it's gonna be shit, but it's I
Patrice this is the club. It's gonna be this the club. When it was at a fish restaurant.
I heard Marco Highland.
Patrice calls me up and goes,
you know, Bobby, what's up?
You done this club?
What was it?
And they had, look, they had Kevin Hart there.
They had fucking my caps.
They've had everybody.
I go, do when I play, that was good.
And it was.
He called me literally the second he
got off stage this first night.
And he went, Bobby, let me tell you something.
Next time you see me, I want you to run.
And it goes, I know you think it's funny,
but I'm not laughing.
I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you.
He goes, you cock suckin' motherfucker.
You got me workin' a fish restaurant.
Oh, he goes, yeah.
I was watching a fuckin' Mexican cook a halibut
in the middle of my fuckin' you mother fuck up. Oh no
But this is a whole new place a whole new restaurant. They still have great fish
But you can't see the kitchen. No, it's actually a great club
So I can't wait to work there. What else we and I'm gonna be doing my
My Caltas show, which I'm fine. I love God. I can't wait to do
Mike. You know, you know, he's the best. I'm actually staying
for a week and a half. There's two days I'm going to Ebor city
dude. And that's that's a Gar city. Yeah, you know, that's
where. Awesome. Yeah. So I'm dude, I'm going to I literally
got a hotel downtown Ebor. I'm going to wake up morning
cigar. Afternoon cigar, eat dinner dinner cigar.
Wow. You're a wild man.
You're a wild man. Do you go to that one right there, that little one where you, um, King
Corona? Yes. It's a good one. I know the show's over when I can feel the pulse of my heart
on my, on my asshole. I get a little from a hallmark card.
What else do I got?
I feel the pulse of my heart.
February asshole.
February 11th, you will bet Cabet Performing Arts Center
in Beverly, Massachusetts.
Beverly, Massachusetts, a big show.
Theater.
Theater.
Wow.
And on February 18th, you'll be at Cherokee, Casino,
Kuala Ballroom, and West Solombs Springs, Oklahoma.
Yeah, come on and check that out. Go to my website, robocatolive.com, for all my dates, Kuala Ballroom, and well, Solom Springs, Oklahoma. Yeah, come on, check that out.
Go to my website, robocalelive.com,
for all my dates, support all our sponsors,
Blue Apron, and Amazon, and...
I'm gonna do this.
Um, and make sure you become a premium member right now.
You go buy, get the, right on your fucking phone.
I'm so flak, I'm so flak, I'm so flak.
I'm sure the sponsors love your own.
And the gestures. They do. And a little show that they love it when they put it right into the mix. They love it.
The funds doing fine. They don't mind.
It's a part of my Prylosek OTC
I tried.
Yeah, make sure you be
Download the fucking app on your iPhone or Android app and become a premium member.
Right the fuck now.
Write cast.
We have some big announcements.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm very, I can't even fucking control myself.
We got a lot of great stuff happening.
I'm looking right in the camera for this.
I'm hoping that Lauren's got a one-shot on me.
I got you, Bill.
That's right.
That's why I love Lauren.
And I mean, if I didn't think she was
Too hairy for me. I would be so hairy. It's disgusting
You should have wrapped ten minutes ago. I mean what the fuck Bobby? I mean you are hanging on to this fucking thing
I mean you had a nice bow on it and we're just fucking lingerin
nice bow on it and we're just fucking ligerent. You know what, dude!
Thanks for listening, guys. Check out riotcast.com For all the best podcasts on the internet And they're all free
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