Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - LIVE From Just For Laughs 2022 ( Big Jay Oakerson, Yannis Pappas, Rosebud Baker)

Episode Date: August 7, 2022

YKWD is back at the annual Just For Laughs Montreal Festival with Big Jay Oakerson, Yannis Pappas and Rosebud Baker joining at Robert Kelly getting into why French comedy stinks, comedians who want to... sing and how Bobby may have affected U.S./Canada relations! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:05 Old school back in the day We're all starting before them all YKW did this podcast is so fun and crazy And there's no rules Shut up, you ruining this Bring the ball, man, I'm sorry It's not any podcast This is an NPR
Starting point is 00:01:20 That's the podcast done Is there any better show? This is the original Original is it NPR? That's the Parkcat Dug. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Thank you so much for coming out all six, seventh, seventh of you. AO89, we have eight nine people. I appreciate it. This is, you know nine, we have eight, nine people. I appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:01:45 This is, you know what, dude, a podcast that I do every time I'm at Just For Laugh's. Just so happens this year, they scheduled it during Andy Kinler's State of the Union, which is the most popular thing at the festival. So thanks, Just For Laugh's. Much good scheduling, as you say, scheduling. So let's just get into it. I got my guests here, three of my favorite people in the world, two of them I like better than the other one,
Starting point is 00:02:11 but they don't know who that is. Maybe you can figure it out by the end of the show. I'm kidding. Give it up for Rosebud Baker, Janice Hoppas, and Big J. Ocusin. Yeah, I'm just going back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I mean, why can't I use podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up, you're ruining this. For the more than a man, I'm so sorry. It's not any podcast. I'll get the work you saw hanging out.
Starting point is 00:02:38 I guess you could tell who I like the most by the lip gifts. Guys, I apologize. Usually when we do this, it's like four more people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're almost as many people in the crowd. We could play a game of basketball versus guys. Yeah, I'm sure it's. We're sure it's yeah. Um, yeah, it's I don't know what the scheduling is garbage. Yeah. but whatever we're gonna have a good time. I know dude I'm so sad that I'm gonna miss the hologram you know me with tech You know, I just been you
Starting point is 00:03:14 Andy Kinler is not here Andy Kinler it's a two-pocket Andy Kinler you're fucking with me. Yeah Yeah, you know what I'm not fucking with you, but I was led to believe that's what is happening for sure What what how do you that was lied to how a mandel has so much money? Yeah, that he invested into a hologram company and they since and leak Andy can't come They did a hologram so you're gonna go in the other room and they'll be a hologram And I don't know why I'm saying it that way. Yeah, hologram of Andy Killer. And in here, I still can't tell if this is a bit.
Starting point is 00:03:50 I really can't. It's not a bit, but I will tell you, it would make sense if everybody in here got up and left now when they heard that, it goes, it's a hologram. I can't go see. I was about to say, Bobby. I was having ideas.
Starting point is 00:04:01 It's standing out. We're just telling the other. I'll do it 10 minutes of this and then I'm out of here. Dude, I would like to leave. Can you be me for the show? Can you go, can one of you go stream it and we can watch it while we do the podcast? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:14 We got two more suckers that just came in here. Actually, there's a hologram in the other room, right? Can we send a scout to come back and be like, it's a fucking halt? Maybe it's not, if it's on a screen we'll feel better oh I bet Katie you want to go hey yeah can you can you go but you have to come back don't get sucked into the holog are you doing? Yeah, if she doesn't tell me about this whole grim, I'll pound her ass. Apparently, I didn't read the writer this year. So not the same JFL. Oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:04:54 Yeah, remember how we men, Dale, got the other guys? Okay, good. Listen. Yeah, will you go in and take pictures, too? Can you take a picture and bring it back? You take video. Ooh. And then come back. And try to convince a few people to come on back with you. When you're there. Yeah. Try to bark them in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Tell them we were a hologram. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's four holograms in the other room. Dude, I wish I could do this festival as a hologram. Yeah. Tell them we're doing a say-ons in here and it's working. Yeah, just do my nasty show set and just stick it on the stage.
Starting point is 00:05:25 Oh, what? My ass a couple times grab my dick. Say pussy pussy pussy. Just send a hologram every year. That's the whole set. And pussy pussy pussy. Yeah, yeah. Apparently this year, this is fucking wild.
Starting point is 00:05:36 This is wild. We got a review. I didn't read the review because I don't like reading them, but I've been everybody else on the nasty show Reddit. So I've I've pieced mealed it against my will. But apparently, the nasty show wasn't nasty enough this year for one of the reviewers. We're not dirty enough where, where apparently, uh, woke, oh, we're, we're going by new rules to some shade or afraid, we're afraid to pull the trigger. What was it? I called trans people freaky weirdos
Starting point is 00:06:09 They said I guess he's holding back this year. Yeah, I don't know what to do. Do I have to Kill it my own you they want you to spew hate speech with your asshole loud Yeah, no one person hailed Hitler on that stage One of my paying premium ticket prices. I said I put a piece of plastic over a girl's pussy and it looked like a fucking window and Jacques Cousteau's submarine. Let me a creature from the Mariana trench on it. We're people laughing at the show.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Yeah, yes. So yeah, I'm tighter reviewers. Like we don't need them. That's all guys. It's all guys. Yeah, the audience is doing that. We don't need you to go what your opinion is. We heard what the...
Starting point is 00:06:47 Yeah, but who's reviewing it? Was it Louis Gomez? It wasn't nasty enough this year. Yeah, I don't know what this guy's breaking point is. I know. It's like boring. Rape's by an uncle, hurt it. Done before. He's got a point. Yeah, I don't get it, man. And then when you go too far,
Starting point is 00:07:06 you get fucking kicked off the festival. Yeah. It's like this tight rope they want us to walk. Well, I'm on the diversity show, and there was a plane. Bull. And I think there was a plane it wasn't diverse enough because I was on there.
Starting point is 00:07:20 No shit. Yeah. Well, I'm joking, but because I'm the white guy on there, I'm the token one. I'm the white guy on there't diverse enough because I was on there. No shit. Yeah, well I'm joking but because I'm the white guy on there. I'm the token white. You're far from white.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Your eyebrow hair and your pubic hair connect. Yeah. You're as Greek as they come. Yeah. Yeah, I heard you guys don't get applause over there. You get snores. Yeah, then we get some snores and we get some we get some claps and some shouts. Yeah, and some yeah, we got some yosses
Starting point is 00:07:46 We definitely have some yosses What's a yoss? Just yoss yoss yoss yoss Germans and gays yoss yoss Similar access Are you gay or from Berlin? San Diego I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game.
Starting point is 00:08:10 I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to and people got to get back into it. It's going to take time.
Starting point is 00:08:25 I think there's just too many of them. I've been here for 14 months, dude. You're on your like 23rd show tonight. This is the 17th day. Yeah. I'm starting to. Is it honestly how long has he been? It's been this is 17 days.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Yeah. I'm on the city council now. What the fuck? Yeah. You got voting rights. Yeah. I'm like a son of a pop. Yeah, it's too much. I'd miss America. Is it a street named after fuck? Yeah, you got voting rights. Yeah, I'm like a... Sean is honest, Popus.
Starting point is 00:08:45 Yeah, it's too much. I'd miss America. Do you have a street named after you? Yeah, pretty soon. Rue Popus? Yeah. I'm like, my wife called me before I was like, Bon Joer, hi. Hey, you shop off there, bitch.
Starting point is 00:08:59 You know, money, I don't speak French. Sorry. What do you need? That was a fantastic throw. Man, the pressure's on, they get this back to you. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Okay, here I go. My God, that was...
Starting point is 00:09:18 Jacob Crack... Jacob Crack would be up, and it got very addicted to me because him and Soda came up with the thing about French comedians Six played it. Yeah French comedy. I don't need the translation to know it definitely sucks in English It's always got a whimsical dumb noise in the set and they go, J'en te empéter comme un supper, j'en bats touti! It sounds like you're reading a children's book. It's the verbal trouble of juggling.
Starting point is 00:10:06 I was in my bathroom and I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was going, I was says, I like it. It's so funny, man. Well, you see the translation, it's always better. It goes, I am peak strong man, pretend to be. It's like always just written wrong. Yeah, I've been up here since Wednesday. You came up Wednesday. They were up here before us, but still do it. It gets, there's two different festivals. There's the week we're up there,
Starting point is 00:10:44 and then when everybody else comes up, the industry comes up, and it definitely, there's a fucking switch. And to me, it's my goal is to stay the same, my psychological thing. Just go do my shit, do what I'm doing, hang with the people I'm hanging with, and just
Starting point is 00:11:05 kind of skim through that fucking log. Well you catch a routine. Yeah, but what happens with that? And it changes all of a sudden. Hey, what's that? Whoa, bff. I think it's like five in the morning before you get back to your room. Well, they have the classic, unnecessary two elevator system to get to anywhere you need
Starting point is 00:11:22 to be. I found a secret elevator. Yeah, you go to the other ones. No, I found an elevator that goes from the... Don't tell people about it. Yeah. It was fucking two peaches. Don't tell anybody.
Starting point is 00:11:32 They don't even go to the show. It doesn't matter. The more you have, it's like you can't tell people about it. Whatever secret is safe in this room. I found an express elevator. Abatuti. Oh, throw the app back. Throw the app back.
Starting point is 00:11:45 Throw the app back. I found the elevator, dude, that goes from the valley to the 13th floor. No lobby, no bullshit. It's a service elevator you've found. Yeah. So you just been pretending to work at the hotel. Yeah. Contending.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Bobby, could I make it? I work here. I got a jobending. Bobby, I got to talk. Bobby Kuala-Nayy, it's a good dress. You just walk in and hold the croissant. I'm just from here. I just take people's bags. Yeah, I think for the elevator. What room? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:18 The valet guy. He fucking takes me right up. Nice. He takes you up. Yeah. You have a really like an old elevator guy? No, the valet guy will take me right up. I dropped him a double berry and he takes me up.
Starting point is 00:12:33 What's a double berry? I'm guessing 20 bucks, but it was the same thing to say. A double berry. This is some old Quincy Massachusetts slang. It's a fucking double berry, you know. Oh, I fucked his ass off. It's a fucking double berry thread. You know, I fucking toast the dude. Because he grabbed both his balls. Nope, that would be, yeah, yeah, got two balls. It'll double berry for you.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Thanks for the lift. I think you're nasty enough for this podcast. Yeah. The bring some of that to the show. I should. A double berry like on slot machines at double berries of 20. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't play slots.
Starting point is 00:13:11 I'm not a degenerate. You know, I'm not trying to generate. I'm just saying I gave him a I gave him a 20 box. Thanks for getting that. I gave him to yeah. You gave him 20 minutes and you said, find me a private elevator. Oh, that's not what're just going to blow me.
Starting point is 00:13:26 For sure. No, he would blow me for 20. I know. I just gave him the money because I like the tip. OK, that's a nice view. Colin Quinn always taught me the tip when I was a young comedian. You always leave 20 bucks in the room.
Starting point is 00:13:40 You tip the guy at the front 20. You tip all these people like 20 bucks, and they take care of the fuck out of you for the rest of the time you're here. Because nobody gives them shit. Yeah. So I gave him 20 bucks, and he was like, boom, my wife came, Max came,
Starting point is 00:13:53 shot us right cause you come with me. Don't go through the lobby. We went right over the thing. Yeah. I gave Housekeeping 10 bucks yesterday before she left, she hasn't come back. She's... She wasn't Housekeeping.
Starting point is 00:14:03 She started a new... That was a new faces. Fuck. Damn. I think they've just been stealing my clonopins. Cause I haven't taken any of them. I'm missing like 10. So you take clonopin?
Starting point is 00:14:16 I don't take them. I have a bottle of them that I stare at. And it helps me sleep just knowing that they're there. That's a true story. What is clonopin? Clonopin is like a anti-anxiety, yeah. And it's funny because I never take them, but when I get into a panic, it's like a teddy bear.
Starting point is 00:14:32 I just look at it and I go, if I need to, I can take it. That makes sense, because I took that one time. I took it one time on my honeymoon when I had a panic attack. You saw Andy walk? You were like, what up? Yeah, I looked at the noise I made and I was a panic attack. And you saw Andy walk you were like, what up? Yeah, I looked it and looked at the noise I made and I was like, fuck. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:14:50 When you said they're going, what am I doing? I made a mistake. No, it's okay. It's all fine. He gave me one of those. He's like, don't worry about it. We can get a divorce and then he handed me a clonipon. And I was like, this is actually the greatest
Starting point is 00:15:00 I've ever felt in my life. They're too good. The problem is they're too good. They are. What is wrong? No, you got wrong. Yeah, I got one wrong, you got one wrong, you got one wrong. Yeah, I got one. No, I was like, I said while I was on it, I was like, don't give me this ever again.
Starting point is 00:15:10 I can't, this is the best I've ever felt. What is it, what does it make, you know, because I've taken, I've been, Xanax. It's like a Xanax. I've been, I've been taken, I took something once and I was like, I can't take this shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:21 I can't take it, but what does a colonel can do? It's a kin to Xanax, it's an SSR, IA or something, right? Yeah. And what does it make you feel? It makes you feel calm. It chemically kind of hacks your system and kind of throws the chemicals in you that make you feel like you're happy. Wow. Yeah. When you're not. When you're not happy. Yeah. So it's just the fake thing. So when you come off it in the middle of the night, you're fucking freaking out. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, that's great. That sounds. I was freaking out at the beginning of quarantine a lot,
Starting point is 00:15:46 and then I zanxed right through 15 seasons of Supernatural. Ha ha ha. It must be so nice for you, Jay, because you use drugs a lot. What weed, yeah? Yeah, it grows. It grows weed. You get to use weed, you can drink, but you're not an asshole.
Starting point is 00:16:03 You don't have a problem with it. You get to just fucking just smoke and drink and party all night long. I know I have a hard one, I've never done coke or anything like that at all, but like weed and I have some drinks, but yeah, I don't like alcohol at all. So like I always drink enough to get right there and then I feel it. I go, okay, it's like I have to, I have to drink enough to feel like that. I don't have to stop drinking at some point. I'm like, is that it? Do I feel like I'm having fun yet?
Starting point is 00:16:32 I could probably do one more. I damn it. And I got to like choke it down with a diapopsy. Oh, you hate alcohol the taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking hated too. When I was drinking when I was fucking 15, I probably shouldn't like it. But I never drank like on the rocks.
Starting point is 00:16:48 Like I never went to a barn ordered on the rocks whiskey. I never got to drink like a, you know, that guy shit. I never got to do that. Did you see a girl pound whiskey? That's how I know my dad didn't molest me. I can't do it. What? I think of a girl pound whiskey, someone got her.
Starting point is 00:17:06 I feel like if it's gin and tonic, they got her. It's got me an older drink here. I'm like whiskey, she knows that I have fun. She's probably been touched at a festival. Yeah. If you're a 15 year old girl drinking Manhattan, you're probably molested. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Well, because that's the drink, he made her drink. Yeah. Have some of this. She's like, because that's the drink he made her drink. Yeah. Yeah. Have some of this. She's like, I'm sick. It's like, trust me. You'll be fine. That's what she smelled on his breath
Starting point is 00:17:31 and her underwear the next day. She's this crap. Oh, no. Oh, I'm saying, if the nasty, if the nasty show reviewer is here, is this good? I just don't know. Is this the thing? Is this the thing?
Starting point is 00:17:42 Where is the nasty show guy now? I mean, what the fuck? I apologize. That's the problem. You laughed at big J-Shit. I said, fuck up. Uh, it's who you are. It's not what you say.
Starting point is 00:17:56 It's how adorable. He has long eyelashes. Look at those eyes. Shabbat-duty. Shabbat-duty. Shabbat-duty. Shabbat-duty. Shabbat-duty. Shabbat-duty. Shabbat-duty. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You would pay to watch you do a set in fake French. That would be hilarious. That would be hilarious. Instead of the message, I'd do a fake French show. Why have French people such fucking 20 people like...
Starting point is 00:18:31 They're so insecure about maintaining their culture. It's unbelievable. That's a fucking sentence. They're just insecure about it. It goes back to the battle. Hang on one second, please don't shut the mics off. You guys are good, okay? We're going now. It goes back to them in the English, have this thing since the battle of Hastings,
Starting point is 00:18:54 you know. I hate you. I hate that you know that though, but you should not know anything. You should know what salad dressing to get. You fucking stay. I should just be walking over with a vest going, you want coffee or juice? How much hamburger? Marry my daughter. I expect her to do this. Through the restaurant with her music, what do this? And it's always the juice, the juice.
Starting point is 00:19:16 Shabbatuti. Damn, French comedy blows. It's so bad. I think that they are doing something in Montreal, right? Where like if somebody moves here and they don't learn French within three months, can't they get kicked out or something? Yeah, Bill 96, yeah. You get a couple months.
Starting point is 00:19:37 How the fuck do you know that? Because she's talked to me and that's how she knows that. No, I can't. No, you know what Bill 96 is. Fuck you, Janice. Because he voted yeah, Janice. I will. I voted yeah. Talk to me that's how she knows that no, I don't have you know what bill 96 is fuck you y'all Cuz I I voted yeah, I wrote I voted yeah, I voted we on it And Lord tall how do you say big and friends? Are you going to end filtrate? Yes, yeah, we want video
Starting point is 00:20:08 Film the whole thing though you Then boo when you leave and go boo Oh, yeah, no, yeah scream like you know what dude fucking rules. Yeah hologram king or drools yeah And then flash a tit and run back here. Yeah. Someone will come. Before you leave, go, yeah, but do it. Yeah. Well, Kurt Masker walked by when he came to the festival one year, he came to remember
Starting point is 00:20:35 him for frustrated, he goes, I'm so sick of walking right outside, listening to that whimsical French bullshit comedy. It's just the street happening. Yeah, they do. They play it all night. And it just sits in the back here. they do. They play it all night. And it just sits in the back. You had you don't even know it's there until you realize and then you're fucked because you
Starting point is 00:20:50 can't undo it. The fucking French unironically love the Jerry Lewis until the very end. Yeah. So I judge them. It's a weird thing. They really fun love with them. Yeah. They love.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Why? I had nobody knows. Because he's a clown. Yeah, he's they like physical comedy. They like kind of like you notice the puppets always dancing around and shit like that They like that stuff. Yeah, you see how much paper mache work is unnecessarily Giant heads of people I don't know who they are. It's Ryan Hamilton Fair right Hamilton. They're all right Hamilton They are terrifying to look at and you walk walk around and then they put big plastic bags
Starting point is 00:21:25 over their heads so they don't get damaged by the rain. But they sit down on their lunch break. Me and Yana's were sitting there, right? Was it you? And they had the thing. Oh, glad a memorable. Jesus Christ. Was it you?
Starting point is 00:21:39 I think it was you. It was Alonzo Bowdoin. Oh, we get confused all the time. Yeah A couple of statues brothers like yourself must always get something like that going on 6 4 60 roll black dude Yeah, a couple of finance brothers like yourself. It's gonna happen from time to time It wasn't you was the Lanzarbeau Jesus Christ
Starting point is 00:22:02 See, we want to say something to jail. Chris Hemsworth. Wait, no, it was Yarnos. Two weeks ago, it was Yarnos. Yeah. So outside they have the TV, and they show the Just for Lath's Gags, which is a TV show. And if you haven't spent enough time in Canada, it's like they're fucking number one.
Starting point is 00:22:27 The gag show, the guy comes up and does silly shit of the girl. While Benny Hill music's still playing. Yeah. So, yeah, it's the- But people take their lunch break, come down there, that's their thing. They'll watch that for like-
Starting point is 00:22:40 Their buffoons, is that a French word? Their buffoons. Buffoons. That's, I used to watch that, because before I, before I even had a laptop and you'd be up here and like, you'd just be forced to sort of watch the TV they have. And you know, that just for left shows on constantly. And it's the dumbest like woman picks up like, you know, it's a cantaloupe at the store and she picks one up and it's like a guy going, woo!
Starting point is 00:23:02 I'm like, yeah, they play music like, like, weenin' in. Yeah. And they're going, we. I'm in play music. Yeah, they play music like, like, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang. Yeah, their pranks are caught in a time that's gone. Like, we've advanced in America to staring aggressively at a black dude in the hood pranks. That's what I like to say. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Dropping a gun out of the bottom of your pants in the hood. Yeah, you watch, you go like, is this dude gonna get killed? That's the prank I like. Yeah, but I was in South Africa. Oh, the laptop had to watch TV. Voting for apartheid. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:34 Yeah, I will play Sun City. Some of that, Paul notes. No, I went there after all that shit. But they had a TV prank show there after all that shit. But they had a TV prank show there that was worse somehow. It was called the sucker squad. And they would like, you know, they ask you goes, would you like some some more coffee? And if you'll be like, yeah, sure. And then they go, he goes,
Starting point is 00:24:03 that's that's soda and they go suckers. and they's looking at the TV and like a budget star It went nowhere. Well, this is better than the Japanese the Japanese take it too far Well, they'll put a fucking chick's head in a box and then throw a fucking an angry spider in it's the best And as she gets money as long as she gets money, as long as she can stay in there. What the fuck? The octopus and pregnant- It's not an actual lives in danger for it to be a job.
Starting point is 00:24:32 You know what I mean? Like, we have to worry for her life. My favorite is when they have the tube and then the dangerous animal and then two people blowing to push it. And they're just like frightfully fucking blowing in it. And they're just gozing in with one person girl's mouth and she's dead and they're like,
Starting point is 00:24:49 Ha ha ha ha. I'm a, they had one where they had a bathroom on a ski slope, right? They had one on a bathroom on a ski slope and you went in it and the guy hit a button and the back door opened and the guy would fly out of the back and just slide down the mountain with his pants down and they were like What the fuck is that is she back? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:25:08 Yeah, what's the word? It's all the great. It looks three-dimensional. So they went to go see. Let me see. Can I see? Someone who isn't there. So I don't like how fucking impressed you are with it. No, she's not impressed. No, she's not impressed That's pretty why no dude. Let me see it. We should leave here. Let me see it Let me see the coolest shit I've ever seen. It's Andy Kinler is there. Let me see yeah, we should go if you guys want to go He looks like you honest. I'll get him that's fucking big Jay and I'll get fucking her to be rose but that's fucking insane that's wild huh oh that's nice they're lying to sweet of them oh they sabotored me you know that I say it French people sabotage
Starting point is 00:25:56 all right these are a shadow box is it a hologram was it a 3d video sort of thing dude that's pretty fucking nuts now we should be here yeah yeah I'm talking myself out of this now this is I could do this at home yeah but it's his height like this is where it's at all right stop looking at the thing you the go with your right you got it on your phone look at it later fuck away it. We're right here. We're live. She's mouthing the word. So, there she goes, it actually is pretty cool. Yeah. He waved to me when I went in. He knew who I was. Fuck it. It's all pre-recorded then, right? I'm so mad that this was sold out. I'm sorry. Myself, it seems a little fucked up. Yeah. It said so. Are you stupid? Did you know what
Starting point is 00:26:43 you were doing? It probably wasn't until they had the fucking hologram they announced that Wow, that's bullshit. They sabotored me. What's up? Yeah? Sabotuti Sabotuti I love it. It's done. The door was one. Yeah. Oh So you're going home to Saturday. I'm going home Saturday. When are you going home? I think Saturday. And you know, wait, I'm, no, I'm Sunday. What are you doing here? The fuck are you doing here? The fuck?
Starting point is 00:27:11 I'm sorry. It's my tone. Yeah, that. Let me get another shot. Yeah, okay. Ready, hey Rose, but so what are you doing here? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:20 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm You like writing a review? I'm sorry, it's my tone. Yeah, let me get another shot. Yeah, okay. Ready, hey Rose, but so what are you, what shows are you doing here?
Starting point is 00:27:31 That felt worse. I don't know. That's because you're sitting. I didn't like that one. You're fucking broken in shine. Yeah. Rose, but I guess what I'm saying is, what the fuck? Why don't you fucking give up?
Starting point is 00:27:43 Nobody's proud of you, bitch. Go home. You're doing good. I mean, you've been trying to fucking make it here for a long time. But listen, no, last time I was here, I'm going to say something. Last time I was here, you were on fire. Everybody was talking about Rosebud, Rosebud Rosebud, and now you're back, and you're on fire.
Starting point is 00:28:01 And the buzz isn't as much. Yeah, I was like, how's this going to end? No, and you're on fire again. Everybody's fucking talking about you and you comedy and you're on fire. And the buzz isn't as much. No, I was like, I was like, the house is gonna end. No, and you're on fire again. Everybody's fucking talking about you and you comedy and you're saying. No, no, thank you. But I'm doing my show at Cafe Clio. Right.
Starting point is 00:28:16 I'm doing that every night and I'm doing the variety showcase. No, people said you and Mateo show is fucking smoking. Oh, that's great. Yeah. That's good. Why are you staring at me like that? Because you're the man. Because the first night I took Nightquill trying to take a nap and then it didn't hit. Like I couldn't sleep.
Starting point is 00:28:32 And then I got to the show and I was like on Nightquill and then I drank a red bowl which is like a sober speed bowl. Why don't you just do crack? I should. I just, I'm like, I'm really walking the line here. You took afternoon nightquill? Yes, I was trying to take a nap I
Starting point is 00:28:47 Sleep and eight hour now you're gonna get what the fuck do you do it? I got two run cycles I got And then I got here and I was like I got to get some sleep I'm gonna fuck up my show is I drink some night quill and then I didn't I think he led your did that Yeah, you had a night quill and then a red bull and then he died Is that that's not sober behavior? No, that's a
Starting point is 00:29:09 Fuck you don't take night cool. It's called night. I'll call you night in the fuck all someone who's sober next There was only a little night well, so I drank some rubbing alcohol That does nothing, but definitely offsets the red bull I was on stage and I literally I got off stage and and somebody was like, oh yeah, Joanne from Netflix was there, I was like, that's a fucking disaster. That's the worst thing I've ever heard. Cause I don't remember what happened on stage. I was literally on stage like editing,
Starting point is 00:29:34 being like, I should have probably done this at the end to cause it would go with the joke I'm about to do. And people were like, what are you talking about? Your left leg's numb, your right leg's shaking nonstop. I was asleep talking with the precision of someone who had down to Red Bull. You know, it was absolute chaos. You wrote awake snoring. You made it French!
Starting point is 00:30:06 How about duty? I stole French here. I have a feather constantly falling by my feet. I'm going to be back here in five years being like, yeah, you know, five years ago I came and someone came to my show who was important, and now I'm doing a show in the alley. Or we'll be back here in five years going rose but dead yeah she died from night pull up a whole gram in the
Starting point is 00:30:30 event of our time the death that's more likely yeah so you have another show tonight yeah and you're good tonight though I I think so. Yeah, you're not on anything. I'm not on anything No, you're good to go. I'm good tonight. You're a little fentanyl bump Tiny little Recreation getting some writing done in the afternoon. She'll be fine by the show
Starting point is 00:30:55 I had some gravy and some curds and a little fentanyl Go on the top. Well good. I want to I want to come see your show. Are you actually doing that or are you doing the industry? I don't know how sick you are. I love you. I want to come see your show. Why can't you explain it? Because I know there's an industry bobby in there. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:31:17 You guys have seen it when he does it. Yeah, I wouldn't say that to you. I don't want to see it. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Yeah. You told the fuck is industry, Bobby? What the guy that goes over, I want to see your show, you know. I'll tell you, Bobby, you please tell the, this makes me laugh.
Starting point is 00:31:37 You told it on the Bond fire. I don't know if you'll tell it here, but about a Dane Song when it first came out, you told us the thing. Dane Cook. Dane has a song. Well, for some reason, when comics become, they hit a peak with their at the top. They feel like they have to get serious. And whatever instrument they're playing,
Starting point is 00:32:01 they have to do a song. Like, any Murphy did it. Nikki Glazer did it. Nikki Glazer did it. And of course, Dane did it. de un instrumento que hay que hacer un song. ¿Y MIRFY? ¿Y MIRFY? ¿Y NICY GLASER? ¿Y NICY GLASER? ¿Y de course, Dain? ¿Y... ¿Y no? ¿Y no? ¿Y no? Y cada vez que me ha hecho radio en mi propio show, me he estado pensando, ¡Mirá, es un hombre muy grande! ¿Qué pensaste? Y se plagó. con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan.
Starting point is 00:32:36 ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujeta a dispon network, a worth checking out. We'll check this out. Our family jewels, our family jewels is another show. It's an awesome trivia based drinking game podcast that you can play along with from home. And what else? The guide times feed alongside of dozens of other messed up series for you to enjoy. Whatever your podcast dreams are, you go there. Malik Jemps, I'm telling you, I love these guys.
Starting point is 00:33:29 I checked out the website, you gotta go check it out. Malik Jemps has an ever growing variety of beautiful tungsten carbide rings to fit any style of version of life you want. You wanna look like a gaudy rich boss, looking for a part three for a deal. Yeah, they got that. If you want to look sleek cool like me,
Starting point is 00:33:48 when I got my black Skydwell Iran and a nice shirt going through Vegas, they got that. You want to shine bright like Mateo Lane? Well, they got you coming for that too. Go to malletjems.com, use promo code YKWD for 15 minutes of your order. Bang! Hey guys, I want to thank all our business tier partners that have signed up.
Starting point is 00:34:11 I hope these guys, you guys are checking out their companies and buying stuff off their websites. And I want to thank all the Patreon members. Make sure you go to patreon.com, search Robert Kelly, and become a supporter today. Oh, yeah, I'm going to get sued for that. I'm going to have to believe that out. That's fine. Don't get it. Because suing you for that is like the equivalent of making another song.
Starting point is 00:34:42 Like, it's that's worse. I'd love for Dane that comes to you for coffee, right? I believe in that. Most bleep that out. Hey, so have you ever done anything other than stand up comedy? Entertainment Wars? Yeah, have you ever, have you had like desires just to go do something else?
Starting point is 00:35:02 Yeah. What? Interior design. Did you really want to do interior design? I didn't, I want to do it now. I want to. Please go see her show tonight. I want to go do it now.
Starting point is 00:35:15 She hasn't become, she's not on the travel show this year. I want to, I want to design rich women's houses. That's what I want to do. It's a great job. Oh God, right? Yeah. You just fucking listen to them be like, I don't know about the blue. Why did you become gay when you said that he's like, yeah, that's a great job. I want that job too. Yeah, I would be great of being her. I got to work with her and do that. Yeah, you get you they hand you
Starting point is 00:35:37 their credit card and you just go to a fucking Creighton barrel and you just buy sure. And you go, I got this at a market that no one can find. And they go, oh my God, it's beautiful. You just run it over your car and put it back together and then paint it green. This is antique. Yeah. They'll believe you. Wow.
Starting point is 00:35:53 They're not leaving their house. Wow, rich people are weird, man. Rich people are weird. People think that they're happy and it's the biggest lie. They're usually the opposite. It's very funny. I know it's cliche or that. They're usually the opposite, it's very funny. It's not, I know it's cliche or like, that's what poor people want to believe.
Starting point is 00:36:08 But when you meet them, you go, Jesus Christ, you guys are on a lot of medications. There are a lot of medications. Yeah, like fucking nightquale and bread bowl. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Have you ever?
Starting point is 00:36:20 That's the poor woman's housewife combo, sorry. That's a recipe for a cubie cubic sea orders. I just got a commission painting of Shona from the last dragon. That's a real thing a guy did. I would love that. I would love that painting. That's sitting in the bonfire comedy office room. Is it really? What a fuck. I said I got all fucked up and ordered a show enough.
Starting point is 00:36:48 Painting. But it is true that rich people, because I grew up like around rich kids and rich families. And I was rich growing up. And I would go to my friends' houses. And the first thing I would do was look in their fucking parents, medicine cabinet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:03 They had just oxies, everything, and we would all just fucking do whatever. No shit. Yeah. It's crazy amount of pharmaceuticals. Like how rich? This is how rich? There's rich, okay.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Like I always thought the four seasons was like, oh my god, but there's other hotels that are rich, rich people stay at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like there's hotels that like what the fuck. Yeah. And then there's the other ones.
Starting point is 00:37:28 And then there's rich people. But you'll talk in rich rich. Yeah. Her grandfather bombed the Middle East. Yeah. So my handle. What did you say? I didn't know this.
Starting point is 00:37:37 You don't know who you know this. You know this. I do know that. Yeah, you've done it. I probably forgot. I'm 51. I don't remember anything. Yeah, it's fine What is it hey? He was James Baker the
Starting point is 00:37:48 I remember she could have you killed any fucking moment There's gonna be a laser that appears on his forehead in the middle of this I sort of got what everybody said that you were his Grand I thought you met Jim Baker the disgraced televanzos And I just operate under that for a while and then I mean maybe a year and a half ago, so I'm like, no, no, it's like, oh, and then I act like I knew who that James Bay. Oh, right. Not Tammy Fays, okay, that's, that probably happens a lot.
Starting point is 00:38:16 I have to do that all the time when people tell me stuff that he did, because I wasn't, you know, he was just my granddad. He was just doing foreign policy stuff. Now that I'm older, I'm like, I get it. He had to do it, he had to do it. I also, like, I, I, I, I, He was, he was just my granddad. He was just doing foreign policy stuff. Now that I'm older, I'm like, ah, get it. He had to do what he had to do. I also, like, I bet. He was at the battle for a side.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Am I right, you honest? He was definitely the battle for a side. When I was young, I'm like, that's wrong. You get older, you get cynical. You're like, yeah, you know, we need oil. What you got to do, we got to do. You got to do what you got to do. You know what he was good at?
Starting point is 00:38:40 It was fucking striking deals. Like, he was like, great at that. They called him the velvet hammer, which is the coolest nickname I've ever heard. That's what I call my penis. Yeah, I bet. And I love that your mom, right? I can picture it. Your mom was like the black sheep of the kid. She was like the artsy one. Yeah. And then you just kept going. No, my mom was, so it's my dad's dad. Oh, I think that's it. And my dad dad is his it's Logan Roy over and over again And then my mom was an artist and they they got married and you know now she lives in Maine and paints on a lake and they're divorced Yeah, okay, oh your mom's divorce from your dad that was on that set the rich. Yeah, yeah, so your mom
Starting point is 00:39:17 Was she her family rich too? No, they would choose just artists. Yeah, she was an artist and you are She broke what they met with mustard what's that she's painting with ketchup and mustard? Yeah, was your dad film really accepting of still pretty my dad I always stop right now stop that was my question. Sorry. You stole it. So heard me about to get into it I'm your fucking Steve you are I was trying to structure the podcast before we started. You did stop me from formatting. But my question was waywardly. So go as you as you as you are. I already asked
Starting point is 00:39:53 that. Okay. I forgot what the question was. Are you on nightquills? The question right now. Yes. How many bobby's do you see? I see six. Two of them are holograms. Ah, Ja Boobie. What was the question? Did they accept your mother? Were they mad about her being an artist or were they like accepted her? But I think my mom said that they were, she has said that they were like skeptical. Like it's, you could be born into my family and be the offspring
Starting point is 00:40:28 and you're still auditioning to stay in it. You know what I mean? No shit. Now do you still go to the, do they still have these big parties and out in a castle somewhere? No, they don't have like reunions anymore. They don't, and they'll come to town
Starting point is 00:40:42 and they'll invite my sister out to dinner and they don't tell me they're here. They sister out to dinner and they don't call them. They don't tell me they're here. They don't like you. I don't think so. Why? I can't imagine. She's talking about her family secrets on your podcast right now.
Starting point is 00:40:55 That's why. She's like actually my granddad cut a deal with the shop back in 86 and back funneled a lot of money for weapons for rebels in South America. But anyway, I'll be doing a show with Mateo later. You think her family appreciates her running her fucking trap? Is that true? I don't know. I was just making that up.
Starting point is 00:41:15 I mean, I'm going to say there's a high probability that it is true, but I don't know the specifics. Well, you were riffing, right? You didn't read it somewhere. No I didn't read it somewhere. Yeah we can't tell what Yonis. He knows too much. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Do you guys think Kenler is going to do his verse from California Love to Close? Wait is that the wrong hologram? What if two pocketed the state of the comedy industry address? They should just got two holograms two pocketedck to do it instead. Yo, it's Dave Wrath here. What's up, motherfucker? Yo, what's that bone show all about, son? Jeffrey Dave Becky's here unfortunately. And uh... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're saying money, is it, do you, you know, do they have a thing for you somewhere? What do you mean? Like a chunk of change lying somewhere when you turn 47 or something, it comes out.
Starting point is 00:42:30 I don't think so. You don't. Your husband hopes so. Yeah, absolutely. They fucking, they've only met him on FaceTime. They don't. Oh, he's not allowed to the house. He didn't come to my wedding.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Sounds like, you know, the movie author. Yeah, I know. I got married in a park. They weren't coming. Like it was like, the movie author. Yeah, I know I got married in a park They weren't coming like it was like it was a You know what I mean, but could you if you wanted to say fuck it? I'm going back in the family and dump Andy dump comedy start to an interior design But if I did it done that I would have done that so long ago. Oh, yeah, but he's a you know He's not like he's not prestigious white handy. Yeah, but he's, you know, he's not prestigious white, handy.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Yeah, they're not, they don't, you don't have to like, you know, marry someone who's fucking Jewish for them to be disappointed. Yeah. It's like, you could just be not from money and they're like, who is this? Yeah. Yeah. He was from Seattle, that's disappointing enough.
Starting point is 00:43:24 Yes, he's from that, he knows Sean Patton, that's tough for them. Yeah, that's a he's from Seattle. That's disappointing enough. Yes, he's from that And he knows Sean Patton that's that's tough for them. Yeah, that's a hard thing for them to Like if you're connected to Sean Patton, it's like okay, that's a disappointment I just find people from money interesting like that world is injured. You're not from money, right? No, well no, but my parents were, my mother was like a human rights lawyer. They were like accomplished. My dad was like a medical malpractice lawyer. So I had a little bit. I think we were middle upper class, I'd say. Middle upper class. Yeah. We were like the rich,
Starting point is 00:43:56 major ares. Huh? That explained your ares. Yeah, I got why you crushed your legs like that. But they were just like, yeah, they were like the son, the son and daughter of Greek immigrants who took it to another level. Like the grandparents had the diner and then they went to school. My dad was a Korean war, Vadi came out, everyone was dead. So we got into law school, Brooklyn law, they met there. They were both Greek, they fucked, they hated each other.
Starting point is 00:44:17 It's the immigrant story, you know. That's beautiful. It's like we were Greek, we guess we should get married, even though we don't like each other. Are they still together? No, they're both dead and they weren't together before that Holy shit, but Jesus what I'm I'm sorry for your loss That was very rich white of you if you go over to Ovation room be though
Starting point is 00:44:38 We got a hologram of both of them. Yeah If you want to tell them everything you didn't get to say We bring him both out. They have to be on opposite sides of the stage. They won't be next to each other. Oh, yeah. Thanks to the Prince of Canada, how he meant Del. Are able to have hologram relatives.
Starting point is 00:44:59 Now, Bobby, you grew up rich, right? Yeah. Oh my god. I have to help. You and Jay, I mean, bucket somebody. Oh, it's raining cash. I have you a J I mean bucket somebody. Oh I grew up training. My father went to Vietnam that he came back to voice my mom and then we 13 of us lived in a three bedroom house and Medford Massachusetts. That's a success story in Medford. You got a roof. I slept. I slept on the floor of me and my mother and my sister
Starting point is 00:45:36 on a queen mattress in my uncle's room and next to a weight bench. But to be honest, happiest time of my life. The happiest memories as a child. The worst memories is when my mother married that dude, Billy, and we got our own house, and I got my own toy box for the toys, and my own room, and the light, and I had all the shit, and then he started fucking hitting us. Oh, and that sucked.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Let's keep it at comedy. Yeah, you thought it was a toy box, so we should have a box of experience. Oh, it's hilarious. I got hit too, but it was with like a really nice belt that my dad owned. You know what I mean? Oh, you dad hit you?
Starting point is 00:46:11 Yeah, but that was, that's like standard. Yeah, I know I got, I got fucking abused. I didn't, it wasn't like teaching me, I didn't do anything and I got punched. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got hit too? Yeah. Oh shit.
Starting point is 00:46:23 You didn't get hit? I got hit a few times. I got my dad kicked the shit out of me a few times, but that was that. And didn't get hit? I got hit a few times. I got my dad kicked the shit out of me a few times, but that was that. And I deserved it the two or three times he did it. What did you do? You did an Italian girl? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're back here at dinner, you fucking bitch. You used your sister's razor.
Starting point is 00:46:53 You mother fucker. It was like hand to hand, right? It was just open hand. He put me on a car hood in front of a lift. He put me on a car hood in front front of a, he lifted me up, put me on a car hood in front of a long line at the movie theater. Like I was really berating my mom over and over again. He was quiet in the car.
Starting point is 00:47:12 And I wish Jake could tell the story. Why were you berating your mother? Where should I give you the information? My story's sock. I start in the middle. I'm like, I don't know, there was a thing in the car. The historical facts are awesome. I'm like, I don't know. There was a thing. There was a car. The historical facts are awesome. I'm the worst storyteller.
Starting point is 00:47:28 You got no details except I deserved it. Yeah, I deserved it. Why were you berating your mom? We were in the car. I was being like a annoying kid. And I was like pushing, pushing, pushing. My dad was dead silent. That's the worst. That's the scariest thing ever. Then we got to the movie theater. My friend Damien was with me. This kid that I grew up with, right?
Starting point is 00:47:46 And he's just quiet, you know? And then we get there, he just yanks my shirt. There was back then everyone went to the movie theater. So it was like a long line outside the movie theater. So he just pulls me down the street, leaves my mother in Damien at the corner, and I could watch Damien just watching it. You're like, Damien! You corner and I could watch Damien just watching it. You're like Damien!
Starting point is 00:48:05 You're like the girl that fucking harm like no! And he throws me up on a car hood and he just starts like I'm covering up and wherever he can find an opening he would hit. Wack, Wack, Wack, Wack. And he never said one word to me after it. You're like it's all for you Damien! Well movie was it. I don't remember the movie.
Starting point is 00:48:24 I don't remember. Maybe it was like War Games with Matthew Broderick or something. Alright, here's the thing, to tell a story good, just make up a movie. Yeah, it was, and then we went and watched War Games. I got to take Jay Ogerson's story telling class before I do that again. What years are we going to do, just make your story War Games. And then, we had to stop nuclear war. I think we did it.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Fuck it. No, he did it. Yeah, that was, it always happened in the movies. Another time my dad was a Korean war vet. He was like traumatized. He had to go to like a hospital after my two from Vietnam. Yeah, so he like, you know, had to spend like a couple months and with PTSD or whatever. We took him to see hamburger hill after I got out of camp. Yeah, so he like you know had to spend like a couple months and with PTSD or whatever
Starting point is 00:49:05 We took him to see hamburger Hill after I got out of camp. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I didn't know what it was He would always take us to the movies. I didn't know it was a Vietnam movie So we go in there was me my other friend and him and we're watching the movie It's one of the most violent war movies you get everything and I just hear my dad shifting in his seat Oh, fucking god Jesus fucking God, Jesus, fucking. He's like, starts cursing and then he just gets up and leaves, right? And then me and my friend finish watching the movie and then he
Starting point is 00:49:35 doesn't say a word, we get in the car and then he starts driving. He loses it and he's fucking yelling back at us. He's going, do you know what it's like? You think that's funny? You took me to that fucking movie? How would it be like if you're if you died right in his arms? If you died in Chad's arms and my friend is crying crying and we're just like fucking he's swerving the car he's not even going to relax baby killer. We're against the war. You baby killer. We kill her. Do it!
Starting point is 00:50:02 Disgrace! My friend is crying and then he finishes yelling at us and then he's quiet again. My friend you just hear. And then my father just turns around and he goes, you guys hungry and you want to get some pizza? Good story! Is that decent? That's a good one.
Starting point is 00:50:23 That's a good one. That's a great story. Alright. That was a good one, yeah. That's a great story. All right. That was a good one. Get ready for your story, tell the show. Ha ha. I mean, I'm looking at you, how you dressed in your hair, you got hit. No, not really. My dad, like biological, my biological dad doesn't know my middle name still, so that would've been too much attention to pay. You know you, you, you know my biological dad doesn't know my middle name still, so that would have been too much attention to pay. You know you, you, you know your biological dad? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:50 You talked to him? And he doesn't know your middle name. He gets it wrong often. What does he say? What do you say? James. We had, I, he called one time when I was on air, on Bonfire. I go, what's my middle name?
Starting point is 00:51:03 He goes, James and I was like, huh, Christ. I was like, really? I thought I was going to get it right. Did he get your daughter's name wrong ones? This is my dad's first words to my daughter where you must be little Elizabeth. Her name is Isabella. She was six. So she got it also. I got her to that it hurts my heart. She's right. Can you tell, do you remember when we all hung out with your dad?
Starting point is 00:51:29 Oh, I do, my dad. You've been about my dad. This was one of the funniest things that's ever happened in my life. This is the interesting thing about my dad. And I mean, my mom and, and we're 19 when they had me. And then split up when they were like 22. So as I'm 44 now, I've forgiven the idea that he just like went off and started living life.
Starting point is 00:51:48 And then had two separate times, obviously. Like two married a lady who had kids, and so I'd step brothers for a while, then they left her for another lady, and then they had kids and stuff. And it's so long ago now. Do you know what I mean? So I kind of get the out of sight at a mind. You also get to a certain age and you look at your parents and you go, oh, you're just like a person. Yeah, you're just like, right. Yeah. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:52:12 And that is kind of how I feel. So what he was, you know, come around, especially now as an adult, you're like, yeah, and he's always been like, I thought he ruled, but I was younger. It was like all rude, awakening to find out. He just kind of was not present. But I thought he was great. But what do you, I haven't seen him in years and he came out to New York for a couple days for work. And he's like a tough blue collar looking guy. And he comes and he goes, yeah, let's go hang out first. He had a lot of fumbles in the day.
Starting point is 00:52:40 My ex-wife was going out dancing with a friend of hers, this guy, who was a friend of hers, and she had big titties in there up to go dancing. And my dad's in the back seat of the car. I'm driving her into the city to this like, salsa club she's going to, and then my dad's gonna come with me to my spots in the city. And he goes, I don't even remember what the first line he said, well, he said, me goes, boy, he goes, you're just going to let, uh,
Starting point is 00:53:08 he's singing front of her kind of playfully. So you're just going to let her go out looking good like that to a dance club by herself. And then, uh, and I was like, Oh, yeah, it's fine. I know the guys just find nobody to do it all. And then we just get dumb head pop between us and he goes, you have amazing breasts, by the way. Pops back. I like. Wild. What are the Chevy J. Yes. Sort of. And then and then he comes in my spot, and he
Starting point is 00:53:40 we were all. There was me, Bargazze, Y, honest, Joe List, I think there was a gathering with people who would hang it like a Broadway comedy club. They all go to this bar, bar, salona bar, afterwards. So I had my dad out on my guy, I will go, I have a couple drinks and everything we go to the mayor when this is my dad and we're just telling stories of like, I think they're like road pussy stories, maybe, is that what it was? They were, yeah. And then my dad was popping in and be like me and
Starting point is 00:54:05 y'all called Tommy one time had to double team a girl in front of an open oven because there was no heat dude it was so it was like a first time a hooker died in my presence dude it was like a it was like a comedy movie moment. We're all cracking up. You're like, yeah, Derozu was there, and then I had to leave in the morning because she had a can. I saw the teenager in the hallway, and it was Larry's, and he goes,
Starting point is 00:54:32 yeah, you know, one time I was down by the dock with like a thick filial accent. It's like, I hit a girl with an anvil and fucked her dead body. We were all just like... Yeah, everyone would be stunning. He'd be like, eh, but you know, it was a million years ago.
Starting point is 00:54:47 Hi, listen, man. I got, we got five or a minute's left. They don't, the French don't fuck around. She just made a five minute sign. Yeah. You put the word, that was the hologram. That's time, do this. What are you gonna do with that time?
Starting point is 00:55:08 Christine's back from the hologram. Was it amazing? Christine. But Katie says, cool, not amazing technology. Not talking about the content. The way I was talking was the tail when you white things were made. Text garbage, fuck you Mandel. Technology not talking about the content Text garbage fuck you Mandel. Yeah, I
Starting point is 00:55:35 Can't believe the fucking they lie they they can't get a ticket and they fuck it whatever I got let it. Yeah, by the way, Christina's one sold out. So I'll stand back there We're expecting the four expecting the influx in the second. I have questions for you people from the fans of my podcast. Why is Andy Kindler a show over and still not phone here? That is a good question. Is it over? All right, don't say it like that. Fucking asshole.
Starting point is 00:56:01 And that was hurtful. Because it's on a different floor, right? No. Yeah, it's below us, dude. People don't know how to get back up. Oh, yeah. There's only a down escalator. There's probably on it going the wrong way.
Starting point is 00:56:15 It's taking forever. Yeah. Yeah, these questions I'm not going to ask, they're very bad. Like not interesting or? Yeah, these are like generic questions. ask, they're very bad. Like not interesting or? Yeah, these like generic questions, it's not even like to you. If I was you, I would have given them a peruse before the show, you know? I wouldn't have waited to be on air to be like, I can ask you guys some questions, oh actually. Maybe you slapped the honestest clipboard out of his hand?
Starting point is 00:56:42 He was trying to do this and you said, we go by the seat of our pants over here. Yeah, I was trying to organize it on the phone. You said stop typing. We wang it here. You know what dude is fast and loose always. How funny was the fart yesterday? It was one of the fun. You have the video me laughing. It was one of the video. So we were sitting on a bench. We're sitting on a bench and we're smoking a cigar and sitting by this beautiful fountain. And the scene is set. Yeah, see the set right now.
Starting point is 00:57:15 Beautiful fountain. We're in Montreal and this French family sits down and the woman is like very French. She's like wearing it on her face. You know, what the fuck? She has it on her face. And she sits down with her family. And I say, right here, she's right,
Starting point is 00:57:29 she's as close to you are right now. And I'm staring at Yannis like this, and Yannis like, come on, we gotta go. And I was like, yo, Yannis, check this out. And I protein-fired it on her. Oh, dude, he went like this, he goes, back, and she went, I mean, her.
Starting point is 00:57:48 It hit the wood, like an instrument. It hit the wood bench, and, she went, and then he goes, she went, she went, she went,
Starting point is 00:58:04 she went, he goes, welcome to America. I was like, dude, you just set the English-speaking world back like a hundred years. They're going to build a wall on this side. This is my God. This is Yannis. This is five minutes after it happened. It hurt. I was laughing so hard.
Starting point is 00:58:35 I couldn't believe it. I had the image of her face in my mind that expression just like and we determined that there's no No comic has ever done a special. There's no joke funny here. There's nothing funnier than the fire It's the party the fart wins hands down It's a pain of comedy. Yeah, no written the most brilliant written joke. I'll never be as funny as the Last being like the first time me and your uncle with Tommy Oh my god
Starting point is 00:59:10 first time I've been first time I think of the gas mass your uncle Tommy holds my butt cheeks open and crams ahead inside about to do to do just imagine that circle of like some of the funniest comics we were all laughing and then he is hit dad said that Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, So when two dicks in that hookers ass hurt and he's like, we doaster with heroin. Okay. Gary Okerson, everybody. I listen, man.
Starting point is 00:59:48 We're gonna wrap it up. She's staring at me now. Shabbat. People, Shabbat. People, five minutes. I want to say. How about you, Jerry Lewis movie on pause. It is a flubber.
Starting point is 01:00:01 How you say flubber? How you say flubber. How you would say flubber? How you say flubber? You're there? Oh, God. This is never going to, they're going to finish the audio off. I'm fucking half hour ago. I want to thank Rose Bud Baker. I want to thank Yana's pop-ups and Big J. Okasin.
Starting point is 01:00:24 Thank you, Bob. I fucking love you guys. I really do. rosebud baker i want to thank you on his pop is a big jay ocusen thank you bob i fucking love you guys i really do and uh... the so the funniest people in the world i want to thank you guys for showing up the ones that did i hope you had a good time this is uh... but another episode of y-key w-d will see you next week on you know what that that's it. Thanks guys. The way the things are been oh Oh Second thing, second dog, you tell me what you think that I can be
Starting point is 01:01:10 I'm the one at the sale, I'm the master of my CEO Thanks for coming out, have a good day You've been listening to the YKWD podcast coming out. Have a good day. you

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