Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Luis J Gomez and RatPack Joe the C**t
Episode Date: January 9, 2012Luis J Gomez from 'The Hammerfisting MMA Podcast' joins Robert and the boys. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
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Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar.
A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa.
Hay que ponerse modo de racón.
¿Eres un dragón?
Soy el dragón de Fireball.
Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball.
Bien, frÃo.
Yo, pues al lÃo.
Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica.
Ignite the night, con fireball!
Disfruta de un consumo responsable, 33 rados.
¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's?
¡Y you know what, dude!
¡On the Riotcast Network!
Riotcast.com
¡Hey Robert Kelly fans!
¿Si tú pensas Robert es funny,
¿y no lo sabes, dude?
¿Y no hagas nada hasta que hagas un live? ¿Y que te quedas en performar una banana Kelly fans, if you think Robert is funny on you know what dude, you haven't seen anything until you've seen him live.
You can catch Robert performing at bananas and hasbrook heights in New Jersey on January
13th and 14th at McGubby's joke house in Timonium Maryland on March 15th, 16th and 17th.
And on March 23rd and 24th, Robert will be at Governors brokerage in Billmore, New York.
For more information go to robberkillylive.com and get your tickets now.
Hey, what's up? is Lewis Jay Gomez. You're listening to you know what dude on
riotcast.com and then you do him doing him. Hey this is Lewis Jay Gomez. You're
listening to you know what dude podcast on riotcast.com. How are you making
fun of my voice? I don't know. I can't make fun of anybody else's voice.
My voice is silky and smooth.
Like a baby having its ass wipe with silk.
Yeah, say one with your podcast in it too.
All right.
Hey, this Louis J. Gomez from the Hammer Fisting podcast.
You're listening to, you know what, dude?
On riotcast.com.
Fuck dance odor.
Oh.
Can you do a little hi-hat and let Joe do one?
All right, Joe, let's take this one to top.
All right.
Hey, this is Joe de Rosa.
Hey, I'm not gonna introduce you.
I'm doing it, right?
All right, all right.
All right, we hit this one to top.
Let's take it from the top.
Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for your main performer
of the evening?
Please give it up for a rat pack Joe DeRosa.
Hey, thanks a lot everybody.
This is Joe DeRosa, and I'll tell you what you're not listening to.
Hammer-fishing.
Because you're probably listening to you know what, dude.
With my friend Robert Kelly dad soul You know what you did.
You know what you did.
You know what you did.
You know what you did.
Good sausage for dinner.
That's awesome.
No, I didn't have sausage.
Oh, how did you add?
What is it, Dad?
But you missed out and I'll tell you, it's a real hobo's meal that you could have
fucking utilized six nights a week because it was cheap.
What was the meal?
I'll tell you privately after.
What the fuck, Joe? Just tell us.
No, all right, so all you find find the cabinet is a can of a man which
I was like the name man which
I
Decased all the sausage put in a pot and made and cooked it like ground meat and then made sloppy Joe's which is sausage
That sounds great actually actually so you did the man which and the brother man no ground meat straight hot and sweet sausage just slice up in some sausage casings
Let me say something jack real dude if you taste this you'll be like I'll never eat it with ground meat ever really
Fucking believable all right Joe well here we are at the you know what dude podcast. Yes. I was recording all that
The people would just like us though that we listen a lot of fucking dummy shot up
And then all that is a good idea
That's hostage
Never thought of a sloppy Joe like that
We're here
Another episode of you know what dude podcast on the riot cast network we we have of course Joe D
We have monster voice
Dan Soda,
and a special guest, Lewis Fucking Gomez.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Such a mean head response to your name.
Oh yeah.
Goddamn right, I'm in the building.
You guys, most of you are probably going who?
Most of you.
Replace most with all.
Two of the four people in the room said who when I came in
I
We he is actually the founder and the main guy I would say right?
The host the host there's up talking about like his mic roast soft
Fuck a dick to phone podcast
Towards on his phone I'm a CEO
I'm the CEO. Hammer Fisting podcast.
Hammer Fisting podcast.
Hammer Fisting podcast.
And it's on Riotcast.
You're on the team now.
It's good.
I'm happy to be here.
I'm excited to be here.
It's actually the MMA podcast.
Honestly, God, and all jokes aside.
And I've had other people say this to me.
Who don't know you.
And because if they did, they would fucking not say it.
Because they know what a hunk of shit you are.
But they actually said one of the funniest podcasts, MMA,
because it's funny, but you guys know you're shit.
A lot of podcasts, I look at, I'm a big fan, Joe, MMA
is the fighting.
I know it is. Okay, just checking. I just want you to think we're talking about the one with the puck
Really yeah, I really is two of my friends laughed. Yep, they're not your friend
I'm really like what did you say Joe? Oh, you're right. You're right. Joe's Joe's the Jewish guy
That partnered up with me to fucking take over the real mob
He's gonna turn on me someday. You really are dressed like a mob boss right now. Well, I have no choice
I'm just like a like a like a Russian poker player
You're just dying with these drinking drops. Yeah, I should have.
I should have.
I should have Oreos and twist them apart.
Oh, Olin, it is one of my favorite podcasts, is MMA.
MMA podcasts, you know, too.
You've been on his, but I've listened to other MMA podcasts.
Look, they're informative.
They're fucking fun, you know, to listen to fun.
That's about it.
They might get a little funny, but yours is fucking hilarious
and informative and it's from fans. It's not, it's not too up there where they know fucking
everything and it's all stats and I fucking hate stats. I hate fucking stats of
aunts who if you don't know who did this then that night and how long and fucking then
you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
You guys know what you're talking about,
but you're also have fun.
It's a good show.
You should go on a show sometime.
I don't know anything about MMA.
But see, here's the thing, I'm a casual MMA fan,
and it's still, they still, it's a great podcast to go on
because you just have fun.
I've listened, I tried listening to a couple other MMA podcasts,
and it's just sucks.
Yeah, they're all fucking suck.
They're all like, they're all like, don't talk over us.
Listen, this is the, you know what, dude crew.
We tell you what your back guess is like.
Go ahead, go ahead, mom.
Yeah.
Now, all the other podcasts are like, they're just boring, really.
Like we try to, I don't know, we try to make it
at least a little more ball bus.
See, we have a definite influence from comedians.
Like we, we bust each other's balls,
we bring different guys in.
We have fighters on too.
But, yeah, I don't know, most MMA podcasts suck. Yeah, I'm I just try to make it this is the funny part about his podcast is that he used to do it
Joe is absolutely right. He did it on a fucking like a Sony
Digital recorder
Wasn't even MP3 it was some other
File format I when I did it one it felt like I was being interviewed for an insurance claim
I did it one it felt like I was being interviewed for an insurance claim Because they had like a shitty thing on the table. They're like so let's talk about that
Yeah, but he would have it only in front of him
He was the best sounding on the podcast everybody else would sound like shit bro close-knurther than the back
Bobby what are you think?
See he does a good. It's probably fucking cancer by the way guys three voices
What you think you have cancer?
How, why would you say that?
I was gonna call you throat cancer.
Fuck.
Yeah, it's.
No, you mean, you're fucking wrong, we got you.
That's such a...
My recipe cancer voice that you guys are just fucking mocking me.
Maybe you just have a polyp.
Maybe.
How, how, how worse can I get if they do take out your neck?
My, my throat?
Yeah, it'll be, it'll be a hook.
It's sound like a fucking frog.
Just, you have to take it.
Operator your throat?
No, dude, it's if I smoke cigarettes for like,
I don't know, like 10 years, two packs a day.
So now it's just, it's damage.
It's done.
If you're out of my mom, my mom, actually, for the last
few years of her life, could only whisper.
I swear to God.
I just picture you with a fucking throat cancer
and they had to put a tracheon.
We could just attach the mic to had to put a tracheon.
We could just attach the mic to your neck like a lavalier.
He actually more convenient to the show.
It's easy.
You're young now.
You're smoking years, wearing your like teens and 20s, man.
It did that much damage.
I mean, I sound different than I did when I was fucking 18.
So we all do fucking idiots.
You think I had this roast voice when I was fucking 18 so we all do fucking idiots. You think I had this gross voice when I was 18
Dancer read that voice at seven. He's a long long is
Dory long there
That's my boy. That's my young boy. You don't sound that recipe anymore. I don't think yeah, maybe well
I stopped smoking a while ago, so how long you been off off?
Well, I stopped originally for like two years and then I started smoking again like last summer
and I went back and forth a couple times for a few months
but it's been like five months now.
I haven't had a cigarette.
You know what's weird is that happened to
fucking Al Pacino.
Al Pacino's voice and the godfather,
it was so little whiny, girly,
and then now because of smoking,
it's just, you know, and I mean,
I'm screaming too, it was fucking screaming acting
that he's been doing for the last fucking couple of years.
But yeah, it really does take a toll.
My quit's, I'm on four months, one week, and five days, today.
And I just counting down every second.
Yeah, man, I used to fucking lose my voice once a week.
And when I did the show, when I did the show, I would lose fucking lose my voice once a week and when I did the show
and when I did the show I would lose my voice at least once a week I'd have no voice
because then it's not the show that kills you because you learn how to breathe it's the after.
The overselling your act.
I'm gonna have to back away.
And let you laugh at that one because that was a good one.
Woo!
Joe really came out of nowhere.
He really wanted to require it all podcasting.
Just sucker punch.
You know what sucks about that one is you can really say it right back to all of it.
If I thought of it, but you got it first, good for you.
Fucking cunt.
No, but you, it would go ahead, sure.
You know what? You bring that up, but I used to bat a long time ago.
Really fucking run around and crazy down at the seller back in the day.
I used to sweat every time I got off stage because I would really sell the shit out of
my act. And when I broke my knee is when I had to learn how to write a joke
because I couldn't run around for like a year ago.
Was not four years ago?
No, that was like six, yeah.
You learned how to write a joke four years ago?
2006. 2006.
I learned how to write a good joke, yeah.
I learned how to start to just talk and say,
people like people give shit to you for your room down,
like those all thrums, those are the rooms where shit to you for your room down like those all-throoms.
Those are the rooms where you can't run around.
You can't be fucking loud and crazy for fucking 20 minutes.
Because you'll look like an idiot if the joke.
There's nothing worse than being a fucking crazy energetic comic.
And...
You can just say black comic.
You can just say black.
Oh, no, it's okay.
Jay and the Puerto Rican in the room, so.
Jesus.
Jay and I used to laugh,
because we started to laugh,
Austin Philly, and we used to laugh
like about the guys that would like do these closing bits
where like they ended up somehow like dead on the ground
in the punch line.
And then there'd just be silence,
and you have to like go through the standing up
and dusting yourself off.
They'd say thank you.
No, like in silence, like if there's,
it's just,
Oh, Jay has that great story about how he's supposed pants down around his ankles.
Like one of his bits like that.
Jay, who?
Big Jay.
Oh, okay.
We're gonna fucking say that part.
Oh, yes.
For you, I'm just giving you a letter.
Yeah, people might want to know who the fucking talking about.
Even though they still don't.
They gave both the shitty nicknames.
And they still don't know who that fat slob is.
He's a pull his pants down and get down to a thong to like, you know, you know, you're
really never wore pants.
He only has half pants.
And then at the end of it, like I guess he did a story about how he bombed with that
story one time.
So it's fucking, it'll like pick up all his clothes off the ground and a fat guy and a thong.
Like, everyone just like stared at him like a loser.
So funny. Yeah, I had that with teeth. I. I was just like stared at him, like a loser.
So funny.
Yeah, I had that with teeth.
I used to have buck teeth.
And I used to go and, ugh, goofy vampire.
Boo.
Walk into it.
Walk into it.
Did you walk into a Howard store and go,
you have a file.
And one time I forgot the teeth.
That's all I was just thinking about.
I lost 10 minutes of my act.
And I tried to make him, it just stinks.
Wait a second.
But you used to put buck teeth in it.
Yeah, he did.
Russ Maniv, you know Russ Maniv, very funny guy,
really great writer.
Yeah.
He used to go on stage, take his shoes off,
and do the happy days hug,
like where you'd fucking, like you'd have,
he'd take his shoes off and then
he would do a joke where he would reach around and turn around and like it's like he's
making out with a girl and her hands. It was fucking appalling. Why does shoes come off
for that? He took a shoes off for another bit. He had another bit where he had to take
a shoe off his shoes off. I used to fuck a stool. I just like the idea before you go on stage
like where am I teeth? Where the fuck am I teeth? I forgot my fucking plastic teeth. I used to fuck a stool. I just like the idea before you go on stage like, where am I teeth? Where am I teeth?
Where am I teeth?
I forgot my fucking plastic teeth.
I used to have like five of them, like extra them.
Like, I tried to make teeth on a keychain after that.
Like so I could always have a whiff.
Angel Salazar.
I was just check it out.
Yeah, I love boombars.
He's a great guy, but he does a lot of stuff like that like he was the guy in fucking
Scarface for you fucking cock suckers listening going who's ain't you fucking
South guys tell us more him from me. She's Chi Chi. He's Chi Chi in fucking Scarface
Donner love me. He was in Ponce line to he played himself. Don't ever
Yes
You gotta be careful with fucking lose because you can find lose
Oh, it lose used to be in the fucking mother fucker in charge now
He's fucking with four other alpha males and you can see in his eyes. He's ready to fuck
He's trying to hold back his rage
Yeah, I'm gonna call dance order an alpha male. I'm just fine
I'm a total beta male and I'm fine with that. Yeah, he has the voice of an alpha male
But he is definitely fucking beta.
And you know what I'm fine with that?
Angel Salazar.
Yeah, back to you, Joe.
Well, no, I'm kidding.
Finish a story for once on this fucking...
Oh, that's fucking cluster fuck.
He's good.
Yeah, everybody, let Joe finish, go.
He goes, so, yeah, he's Chi Chi, Chi Chi,
get the A.O. from fucking Scarface, right?
So he does a lot of stuff in his acry he strips down the lake, a bargain shit like that.
And once again, Jay and I were in the Green River of Caroline's,
Angel was on stage headlining, and there's a box under the countertop sink in the
in the Green River of Caroline's filled with different colored thoughts.
That we were just going with it, going,
I'm not going to do this bit tonight.
I don't want to do this bit tonight.
He actually, he had a joke in his act where he goes,
any polo-locks here, and he would get the MCO,
the guy in the middle, to say,
because sometimes people wouldn't say,
but he needed somebody to go right here so he could go into the joke.
And I had, I was opening for him.
I had to pick him up at the hotel in Boston to drive him to Nick's,
Colloon. And I was all whipped up because, you know,
Scarface, blah, blah, I picked him up.
We get there. He had a whole dressing room.
I didn't even know the place had a dressing room.
Like it was a comedy club with a dressing room but we never got to use it. So I went back to
there was a whole of women's clothing and boas and and undies and all this shit
that he never used. He just had him set it up. I don't know why but we had he
needed this so you have to say when I say is there any bollocks you'll say okay
okay if nobody does it. I'm like all right but I had another gig. So I have to say, when I say, is there any bollocks, you'll say, okay, okay, if nobody does it.
And I'm like, all right, but I had another gig.
So I had to leave.
So I had to go to the other dude.
Wayne Previty is a funny guy from Boston.
I go, dude, please, just go in there when he says,
does anybody need a bollocks?
Just go in and say yes.
And he's like, fucking you, cocksuck, all right, fine.
But Wayne's a, he was drinking,
hanging out in the other room with the other comics.
All of a sudden sudden he hears anybody,
Polish, and he just kept repeating it.
He's like, why the fuck is he?
Oh shit!
He runs in, he's like, I am right here!
Right into the joke.
Like that.
He just was, he said it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
That's hard.
You sure there's no Polish people?
And it's Polish people.
No Polish people.
See Wayne running, go right here, kid. I'm a Polish. Fuck you dude. I'm Polish a shit
Fuck man. Oh, yeah, that's the problem with having that fucking I learned that very early on one of the funniest things I've ever seen a guy say about a comic bombing
This guy to Ray Gordon really funny comic who I start me out. One of the guys started me on Philly.
Uh, he used to host the show of Rethers, they had the LaFouse.
And this comic got on stage and he did some stripper team to music.
And he was in his underwear and it just fucking bombed.
And Ture came on stage and he goes, it was like my third week doing comedy.
Comes on stage and grabs the mic and he goes, he goes, let me tell you all something.
If you stand on stage with that DJ hit it shit in your underpants
And nobody's laughing you just ain't fucking funny
How many fucking fuck suckers at that? Oh DJ hit it at least I never had that I might have teeth at the early stages But I never said yo hit the music
Feel it I used to do a fucking Elvis impression flat out put my arms across my chest
Please do it now that was it dude. Oh, I would yeah, he was dead
My arms crossed my chest like I was in a casket and then I would, I would, I would, oh, my home's crossed my chest like I was in a casket. And then I would go, uh,
all right guys, no, I'm just kidding.
Seriously, this is my impression of Elvis Presley
if he was still alive.
And then I'd go,
hello, is anybody out there?
It's dark in here.
I remember this shitty joke.
Let me tell you, let me, you want to know,
did you start the joke with,
does anybody like impressions?
Yes, yeah, you did.
I'm just trying to say, I'm gonna talk to you.
I'm gonna talk to you.
I was booking fucking shows.
I was booking shows like six shows a week.
Doros was one of the guys that I booked a lot.
You had, when you first started booking,
you had one of the best rooms in town,
that goofy room that was used to be Studio 54, whatever.
Yeah, that was a fucking blast.
Here's the thing.
Can I just say something,
I was just telling somebody about him the other day.
The Lewis that we have today is a happier Lewis, thank God.
Because back then when he was a little fatter
and a little bigger and he used to have the trench coat
and a little poorer, I think, he would ask,
oh, yeah, man, it's Lewis, I want you to do my room
and you'd almost be like, fuck,
I gotta do this kid's room.
Cause he's like the fucking,
he's just gonna come out and do it,
you said you'd do my room.
Where were you?
Where were you? I waited for you.
Yeah, I'm gonna take a joke your skin off you.
Yeah, like he did?
Like, yes, see that little smile? Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I was a professional comedian making money and you would scare me into doing you're just written your first good joke What are you talking about?
It's about Danny. That's when I was doing shows
That room was great
I was a great room. But here's what sucked it. I started doing comedy and I was hosting my shows
Every night. I didn't do a set for the first year. I did comedy
And I was fucking booking these guys and nobody would fucking tell me that I sucked at
comedy because they didn't want me to not book them.
So I was going there.
But can it was your fucking presence, dude?
That's what I'm saying.
You were intimidating.
I was a fucking 23 year old punk ass getting away.
You were a 23 year old fucking male pattern bald and Puerto Rican.
Then walked around with an army coat and fucking boots on with a deep voice going, I do you you under my fuck yeah, we were all scared of you Lewis. Nobody was scared. I was scared
Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody fucking told me that I that I sucked the comedy because they didn't want to knock it
But so now I spent fucking three years doing
jokes the worst fucking jokes until finally I was on the road,
with Big J, and we were just smoking weed one night.
And I asked him, I was like, dude, can you tell me,
I was like, give me some advice about my set.
He's like, all right.
He's like, you need his top.
He was like, all right, tell me some of your jokes.
And I was like, all right, what about this one?
He was like, nah, I'm sorry, she should drop that.
I was like, drop it.
I was like, drop one of your jokes.
I was like, I can't do that. So dude, we went through every one of my jokes. And I was like, drop it. I was like, drop it. I dropped one of your jokes. I was like, I can't do that.
So dude, he went through everyone of my jokes, and he was like,
yeah, dude, you know, you're funny, dude.
You just need to not do any of your jokes.
It's advice to try to be more like somebody else.
So basically, yeah.
Dude, find a comic you like.
And just be like them for a little while.
You'll find your voice.
Oh, dude.
Oh, dude.
Oh, dude, dude.
Oh, dude. I got the camera. I got the camera. You know what dude? Yeah, you were like fucking dude. Oh, that's funny man.
Yeah, Lewis used to fuck I remember I did Lewis's podcast. He lived on my block right down the
street and he would do that flop house. Oh my god. He goes, dude, come over and do my podcast.
And I was like, okay, you know, all right.
But it was like MMA, so I was like cool.
And I went to his house.
And this is why I love New York.
My block is beautiful.
One block away is fucking like old house kitchen.
That makes me feel good to know he lived like that.
Oh, I get what that.
Louis was so down and out when I saw him in the neighborhood.
And I was like, what are you doing here?
He's like, I moved here.
I literally was like in my head like I got I got to work harder
I'm not trying hard enough
He finally we should deliver the same day
He's he's one blocks west know the river
Yeah, it's like another fucking sip of it. It's in the
It was it was bad
I remember coming over to your apartment one time when we were going to North Carolina with Jay and I was I had my bag outside It's like another fucking zip-go-dooded zip shit. I got anyone to sit down. Dude, that was fun
That was a brutal apartment and that was dude. I fucking remember the last time I was here
Was when I fucking ran past you the day I got arrested
Dude, I fucking it's like 99 degrees outside dude and I fucking my what happened the the set up to the story was me
My roommate were arguing all week because I was about to move out of there And he wanted me to pay the con Ed bill and I was planning on paying it
But it I might have been planning on paying it like a month. I don't even know
I've been trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with money
So we were arguing back and forth all week long and it was a heat wave that summer dude
Yeah, and he took my AC out of my window, so that like
So then every day for like a week. I'm just jerking off in a shampoo bottle,
rubbing his fucking toothbrush on my asshole.
I told you, I mean, you were coming through
and spades on us calling you a piece of shit.
Dude, I mean, I'm talking about like,
I should have been arrested,
but not for what I actually got every second.
I'm gonna stop one second, stop.
The fact that you were surprised
when I go, we was scared of you.
And I'm following his mom home from work every day,
finding her patterns.
Dude, I'm not a bad guy.
Jerk it off.
Jerk it off the shit.
I killed this cat.
Did you know rapid is to jerk off in a shampoo bottle?
Because there's nothing sexual about it.
You're just all like aggression and anger.
But you actually did him a favor because they did
statistics and Jizz is really good for hair.
So that guy's got a full head of hair now, baby.
I wish somebody would have just done my head a long time ago.
Oh, so fucking, I thought you all jizzled my head right now.
If I can throw hair back, I'd let you do it in front of my dogs and my wife.
So fucking, Joe's jizz wouldn't work though and have work.
It was clumpy balls, boss. You have a clown hair just on the top.
Your giz would be way too much. You just be fucking thick like Viking hair. So fucking
I just would just be greasy because you're a speck. My giz would get you pregnant. I'm kidding. Yeah There you go. That was a better joke. See you're right. I'm see I'm right. Jay was writing that hotel room
You really you you're better. I've gotten better. I'm so kidding. I'm kidding my fucking my roommate called me up
I'm happy and he's like he's like yeah, I need to get the cable box out of your room
Right, and I was like no way and I'm I'm this is I'm a few blocks away just like from I don't remember what I was doing
But he's like I'm going to your room right now. It's like no, you're not he's like what are you gonna do about it?
So I fucking I'm like two box. I just start running home and it's like 99 degrees
I see Robert Kelly in the street. Yeah, and he's like I do where you going
I was gonna go beat the shit out of my roommate. He's like you're gonna get arrested dude
So this what you said you go I might be going to jail. All right, I go why
I like Lewis and I feel like I'm like why it goes I'm gonna go beat the fuck
But he was not he understand this what Lewis doesn't understand that you have
That you don't you don't get because you don't see yourself he had this fucking gaze this fucking you know this
Full metal jacket. This is my this is my rifle
He's like I might be going to jail like it wasn't anything like it was nothing like dude
Don't he's I'm gonna fucking I might be beating the shit
I'm like please but this is what a shit person. I am I let him go. I just gave him little advice
Hey, man, I don't know if I do that, but it's good seeing you
All right, I'll see you later. So I fucking run back there dude and I get into a huge blowout
Argument with my roommate just like ridiculous like arguing back and forth and he's talking shit but he's doing it because the landlords
between us you know that's some fucking like pussy shit we go talk shit but if there's
only a dude between you know about this he knows Joe you know that pussy shit that you
do a lot yeah I do it with bartenders all the time this is a big bar between them I don't
know what that feels like so fucking fucking, so finally, he fucking leaves
and he goes to get into his car.
And when he goes to get into his car,
he gives me a middle finger like a bitch
and I just spit on his window.
And I mean, long story short, he leaves.
I go to shows that night.
I actually get, we get into a fist fight outside
of East Fork comedy called Me Dave Smith
against some audience members.
And I didn't arrest it for that.
Wait, was it, that wasn't the two kids that took Mike Brick's bag, was it?
No, that was a different night, dude.
Okay.
Mike Brick needed help.
No, no, no, no, he was on stage.
Mike Brick did not need help that night.
No, he scared the shit out of these two kids, but you had to
have a fist fight at Eastville?
Yeah, we had to have a fist fight at Eastville.
Me and Dave beat up some audience members, a fat kid, a gay guy and a girl.
Oh, wow.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, that's a show that we-
That's what I call your show.
We ain't coming, Roach. Just come on out and a girl. Wait a minute, wait a minute, that's a show that we. That's what I call your show. We ain't coming, Roach.
Just come out on a CBS.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a fat guy, a gay guy and a girl.
That's the new hit show, guys.
So I fucking come home at like four o'clock in the morning
that night, and I don't know why, but I was like,
I just got in in shape, so I wanted to like,
I took my shirt off to go walk my dog.
I was in one of those things.
Very important thing to do.
Very, but you know what? I would, if I, I mean, I took my shirt off to go walk my dog. I was in one of those things. Very Puerto Rican thing to do. Very, but you know what?
I would, if I, I mean, I've thought about it,
like I've never been in the shit, he was in shape.
I would fucking do it in a second.
That's great.
I would love to walk around this neighborhood
with no shirt off.
There's just something freeing about it.
Oh, and it's a really gay neighborhood,
the fucking compliments.
A club over there.
I'd love to walk with my little shit too
and my silky terrier shirtless with a thick belt
with a cool thumb buckle, right by that fucking club.
Woohoo!
I just look in this faces on the window,
heating up the windows.
And then walk home, have Dongo.
What was going on outside?
Nothing, just have the humble confidence.
Just take a walk your shirt slug over your shoulder.
What?
It's hot.
So I fucking, I go to walk my dog without my shirt on,
and as I'm coming out, there's two cops,
and I'm with Dave Smith, there's two cops coming up the stairwell.
It's four o'clock in the morning, right?
So they're like, oh, you and apartment one A,
and we had separate entrances, and mine was one B,
and I was like, oh, no.
Which is a weird thing for an apartment.
Yeah, it's a weird thing.
You know what's a fucked up apartment
When the two are just a shit small apartment with this two-way
It's like take just like somebody just made a mistake
Well, no, it's a drug apartment because they need to be escaped route
It's like the cops show up here and then they run out that way guys
But I fucking I walk out and Dave's like dude just come to my apartment bring the dog
I was like I'm wearing flip flops. I have no shirt on. I'm not getting on a subway like this
I can't see you are gay You are guy, I'm going to the apartment.
You are gay.
You are gay.
You are not allowed in the apartment?
No, the cops are coming to fucking arrest me.
For what?
This is my point.
I was like, I didn't do anything.
We were just arguing.
I take a look, technically I threatened him, technically,
but it's my word against this.
So I get back there, this motherfucker told the cops.
Don't swear.
So this piece of shit, Kunkrag told the cops, don't swear. So this piece of shit,
Cungrag told the cops that I pulled a knife on him
and threatened to kill him.
And the cops were white, so they believed him
because you were a real.
Well, no, the cops were fucking cool,
but here's the thing, okay, I might have threatened to kill him
because when I talk shit, I say things like I will murder you
or I'll, I turn it to a real port of a real port of a real
port of a real port of a real port of a real port of a real port.
But it's, I don't mean it that way,
I mean I'm gonna beat the shit out of you.
I'm gonna look, I do the same thing.
You get it.
So far, and I maybe even taken my knife out purposefully
and put it on my desktop,
so it became in my room to see it.
I wasn't planning on doing anything though.
I like watching knife out.
Not on him, it was on my desk.
Like I left it on my desk,
because if you went in my room,
I wanted him to see it.
She's just face right now.
Joe, Joe, to understand,
Lewis is hilarious. Joe, trying Joe trying to understand Lewis is hilarious.
Joe trying to understand alpha male macho shit is hilarious.
But it's like he's like watching him like a therapist.
It's not a fucking thing. A real knife. It's like a shitty fishing knife. I had one. I was
like, it's a nice period. A knife that can filet a fish. Yeah. Who gives a fuck?
The application is creepier than actually pulling the knife out leaving the knife sitting out like so it's like so he
So much creepier
That's my jam I love that song
Lus has got a bunch of pictures of him with the eyes cut out on the wall
What happens what happen when you got arrested? You go quietly?
No.
No, I didn't put up a fight.
The cops were cool.
The cops were saying to me, they were like, yeah, he seems like a pussy.
I told him what happened.
I was like, look, I was technically threatening this guy, but I was one of the fight me.
I realized that's where I grew up, it was like the suburbs.
If you had a problem, you go out back, you fucking fist fight.
I've never heard it put that way.
It's usually where I grew up. It's city hard ground it's just like it made sense you
know I grew up it was in the suburbs and it called a sack at you and the soccer field
that was well said I grew up in the suburbs too and and used to fight back then it was like
it was a little more organized in city I know but just in the city there's more organized in
city there's a wrap you'll fucking Irish gypsy literally what is it there's more organized in city. There's a wreck. You'll fucking Irish gypsy. No, literally
I
There's a pair of
There's two men coming in. There's both gonna fight. There's a firefight. Yeah, no, but no headlocks. No kicking. Yeah, everyone knows no
Bison
In the yard
Travelers travelers pick up camp after the bloodsmen spill
City then we have so many fucking people on top of each other right that's like they have a system for
Resting people you're just another number you're another figure yeah, and the suburbs like all right you guys fought whatever
It's a domestic disturbance. They just fucking you also fighting in the suburbs is more like you meet me here at this time
Fighting in the city. This is how it goes. This is how every cop handles it. We're arresting both of you
Yeah, that's the way they do and the only way this isn't gonna happen if you both drop charges, and then they go fuck it.
And the fuck?
Well, usually both people go off fuck it,
and just let's go, because even if you,
they can't solve it, they just take them both of you
because they don't know any better.
Yeah, and that's actually the truth.
That's the way it works.
But the reason that I got arrested was because I
technically pulled a knife on it and they're in the kill him.
Because you're go-t can't connect.
And they were like,
I said, do I've been trying for years? You can't connect. And they put it in the chest. Do I've been tryin' for years?
You have no idea.
I actually shave extra in between my mustache
and my chin pubes, just to try to make it grow
and pick or it doesn't work at all.
But fuckin' uh...
You can only grow a fuckin' musketeer go-t.
Fuckin' girl.
Man in the higher mask facial hair.
Alright guys.
So fuckin' anyway, whatever, I get arrested
and I fucking, it was on a Friday night going into
Saturday. Yeah. And I fucking and they don't have a judge on Sunday. So I have to
see the judge by midnight. Otherwise I'm I'm not getting out of there. And Carla
came big J's wife, my only friend. Big J's wife is a lawyer. I love Carla. Yeah
she's the best. She's fucking spent her entire Saturday from like 7 a.m. until
like midnight that night at the court for me. Really? Fucking she got me Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.
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Sorry, Joe.
Like a chup, don't do that.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
I call my girlfriend, like, you know, I don't think I'm getting out of here tonight.
I love you. I have the't think I'm getting out of here tonight. I love you
You can't I don't give a shit who you are man when you get you freedom taken away
Oh, it's brutal dude. I don't give a shit
I remember the same thing happened to me when I was the first time I was going to TV. I was like I was screw that
Fuck dad and then my mom came down
I was screw that, fuck that. And then my mom came down and she allas in the jail
and she literally shut, it was like a movie.
She came in, Bobby, I'm sorry,
because she could have got me out.
My bail was 10 bucks, okay.
She could have got me out.
And 1940?
No, just the judge took my bail from 10,000 down to $10
because it was my first offense.
He didn't want to see me to go to jail, but my mother was like fuck you take him because that's tall
That's all she was told tough luck. She didn't pay the 10 bucks
She didn't pay the 10 bucks and she comes down on the room and I'm trying to be tough like screw you bitch
She came down they shut that kush
Yeah, she went booby and I went I went why
She went boomy and then went, I went, I went why?
And then I started doing push-ups crying. I was trying to just, just push man back into me.
And I was like, why?
You get your freedom taken away, dude, fuck.
It doesn't matter if it's a fucking hour
or fucking 10 years.
It's like, you just count down the second.
They keep it fucking in New York City and the tombs,
they call it in the hood
Yeah, well if you get arrested in New York explain that some people list this because we have listeners in Switzerland to
And one in German you did your Google analytics. I swear to God. We did the analytics. They were all over the world guys
So what yeah, what are you you're in with other people? You're not a one general pop right?
It's like a it's like a gin pop, gin pop.
It's like a holding cell before they take me to see the judge.
It's like, they call it tombs because it's underground,
like downtown in Manhattan.
So, but they keep it freezing, so you can't sleep.
And it was so hot that I was like,
all right, I'm just gonna wear shorts and a t-shirt
and I got there and it was just freezing.
I literally the entire time you wanna cry.
Well, it's like, if somebody touches you,
you just start crying and weeping like a bitch.
It's really, it's fucking, I've been arrested like seven times in New York City.
Really? Oh, for smoking fucking pot. And then that one time I threatened to kill that guy.
And no, but you're a normal guy. Listen, the thing is, can we slowly fucking back out of my own house?
He's got right now, he's got his back to the door and I'm afraid. I'm so glad. You're like,
so that's enough time for Lewis. I'm so glad. You like so that's enough time for Lewis
By the way, do you see the look in a space where he was about to yell at everyone for me?
He was with psycho and can you touch your phone off? I am so glad Lewis
You've gotten happy over the years because you're you're actually a nicer guy now and you have a beautiful girl
You have a nice place. I'm not apartment is actually nice gorgeous
Well, let's not get carried mine's gorgeous, but here's his nice and clean
What I've never been where you live. It's a it's alright. You lived here for a week. I did for 10 days
Yeah, but you live in Queens or something. Yeah, it's just nothing wrong with that
Why is this not the wrong with that you're over I still have windows in my room. You know a window
You live in a basement. No, I live I live in a three bedroom, but I have the smallest room,
and there's no windows. It's not a room. It's like a closet. It's a hallway area that they put a wall
up and they and they charge you how much 300. No, 675. You pay 675? For your? What are you?
You sleep on the floor and somebody's hallway
Shit, I want to let you live the even fucking five
It's not it's actually it's an actual bedroom. It is a bed. There's just no windows. Oh
It's a lot do you know better than that man. I like the like the spend my apartment's a bad loose is been there. It's not bad. That's not bad
No windows no, yeah, I like to sleep in
Apparently you fucking you are a monster.
I've lived in the apartment.
The morning sun like kills him.
It makes me angry.
Yeah, and his breed.
Ah!
Yeah, well, you go.
That's how he can keep this form.
Do you imagine being a chick with him in that windowless
pitch black room and hear that voice through the black?
Morning.
Morning. Yeah, no,
are you still sleeping?
Just seen his fat head breathing out.
Just as fucking try level.
Look at that huge melon.
He's got a big, you know what he said today too.
He went home for the holidays to, you know, beautiful wherever fucking Denver Colorado,
gorgeous Aurora Colorado, gorgeous.
Yeah, if you love it.
Great city. Yeah, it's a great city. If you fucking love beads. They have windows in the bedrooms. They do
If you love beads and Denver Omelets Denver Omelets delicious fuck you at stake Denver Omelets. It's delicious
What's Denver Omelets explain it? It's an omelet with red pepper
Green peppers great great peppers green green green peppers onions Green pepper, green pepper, green peppers,
onions, cloves.
Yeah, red peppers, great.
Red peppers are sweet, they're actually nice.
A green pepper stinks.
I know.
They don't need a dinner all,
they get broccoli or green peppers on in their eggs.
It just tastes like fucking broccoli.
How about fucking broccoli, Rob?
I love broccoli, Rob.
How?
What are you?
It's awful, great dude.
It's amazing.
It's not real. It's sour. It's amazing. It's awful. I return to dish. I never broccoli rock. What are you nuts awful great? Broccoli Rob is sour. It's so amazing. It's awful. I returned to dish. I never returned dishes. Yeah, no shit
Joseph's fucking
girly ribs on her in this
In the shower man, I can't, I can't, the bootcamp. I saw in the next
days I can't find. Yeah, of course he's fine because he fucking grabbed the shower shirt
on the way down. So funny. Did you buy a new shower curtain? I got a new shower curtain
and I got a new, I got the, I got the tub mat. I got the tub mat. Yeah, it was fucking
slept again in the fucking thing. All the tub mat.. No, no, without it, I was like, I just...
It's the whole of the fuckin' Steven Tyler
and came in with no teeth today.
So, I put up in a Steven Tyler.
He fell on the shower.
When?
I don't know, a while back, he lost all his teeth, dude.
He did?
Yeah, they had a picture of him just all his teeth
and front teeth when gone.
Which are probably so good for him.
Now we can actually get fuckin' cool lookin' teeth.
So do those fuckin' Bon Jovi teeth he had. You ever see Bon Jovi's teeth. They're all black at the gums
You know like on Jovi yeah Bon Jovi's gums are all blue. Yeah
It's a his teeth. He had great teeth growing up
But I don't know if they don't take care of my hereditary, but it gets they're all black near the gums the water in Jersey
He's a bazillion there. why isn't he buying new teeth?
I don't know, to get new teeth is a fucking,
even if you can afford it,
that's a shock to the system for your fans.
When they all of a sudden,
they show up with great teeth.
Just fucking.
Yeah, like, like sure they have a way
to make them look like, you know,
not like bright white.
No, no, they must not.
No, my mom had falsies, you can get teeth in there. Not falsies, I'm talking not like bright white. Nope, nope, nope. They must not. No, my mom had falsies.
You can get teeth in there.
Not falsies.
I'm talking like veneers.
But you have a screw in type shoes.
Yeah, the veneers.
Yeah, no, you can get them to match the color
that they were before or a little fuck.
Why would you do that, though?
If you're gonna fucking spend 100,000 teeth.
So then your fans don't go with the fuck happen to his mouth.
Yeah.
It's not as noticeable.
Who's got bright white teeth?
Nobody's got bright hair.
I'm a friend Al Dau Beni does.
Al Dau Beni got fucking fake veneers.
But they're fake, that's my point.
He got fucking, oh my God, white teeth.
When he smiles, you couldn't help but smile too.
Like, it were magic teeth.
I do, you're not the smile back.
Yeah, he was smile and you'd be like, oh my God.
Oh, I was fucked up.
So anyways, real quick, dude, I got this email, you know,
it's from Chris.
Chris 6 nasty 69.
I'll give you the rest, whether it be what the rest is.
I don't want to give it up to the fans.
But Chris actually said, dear Bobby, I love this dude.
You call Monster Voice. Just wondering who he is and if he has any other shit he puts out
No
One word nobody and nothing
By the way Dan wrote that email himself. Yeah, that's what that's what other handle
What well did you have a CD? CD now do you have any TV stuff?
He doesn't have a CD player
You're right. I have an iPod who is a fucking CD player?
He joke didn't work low. I like that. I thought it was funny. I laughed a little bit, but then he went too far with it
I didn't like how he liked it more than us. What the fuck dude?
I've been really waiting to see you two psycho snap on each other.
No, I mean Lewis, I love Lewis. It's not gonna happen. It's gonna happen on you.
You and you are gonna snap before me and Lewis.
What's, yeah, he got something you can plug here Dan?
I'm gonna be headlining.
Wait a minute, your fucking sarcastic dumb makes me second job.
You're fine, because I know you.
He's just giving me shit for his dumb story about his sausage fucking man witch that he made before the podcast you got to make it though, aren't you goddamn right?
So I mean Chris I mean loves you Chris is you got a fan dude
We will give you shit last week that you had no fans and you have a fan. I have a fan
I have one fan Chris you have one fan. It's nice to meet you Chris
Me and you versus the world buddy
By the way, you guys you guys but it is I think yeah, what bus Sotas balls about him not having you fan like in my world
Where I'm at in comedy and Dan so it's odors like on fucking top right now you guys have no idea what's going on
Now you open mic world of comedy. Yeah, so do is fucking killing it. You have no idea. No, we know that's what I
I actually that's why he's here.
I know that I've done a fun juke.
You need the best of the worst.
He's here so we can make sure he doesn't move any further.
This is where blockade, they're blockading me.
So does about the lap de Rosa in about a month.
Oh, that's not true.
He's right on your fucking heels. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Has a problem I did not have a problem Listen to the podcast show I fuck with a podcast fuck when you fuck with me
This way you do I take this kid anywhere I can take them with me
Yeah, because you kids
Makes me feel like not like a fucking circus freak that was born
What did you still of the fact that you said I was born in a cave with a bottle in it?
Actually, somebody got really mad at me for calling him kid. Really?
I don't want to say because he called me very honestly and was like, you're a fucking
asshole dude when you drink and I was like, what did I do?
Cause I mean a fat joke about him.
And I thought that's what he's bad about.
No, it wasn't me.
I really don't want to say but it wasn't big J.
But it was a fat guy.
He's a fat guy.
You know, too fat.
I was with me big guy.
I was with Kumi and I was talking to this guy and he's a fat guy.
And the guy goes, he goes, you go downtown, like, oh yeah, he goes, you want to split a
cap and Kumi goes, for what dinner?
And I started laughing.
I go, that's all right, we're laughing.
And he called me the next day and he goes, you're a real con when you drink.
And I go, I go dude, because the fat joke I go,
dude, I was just kidding.
I thought it was funny, I'm sorry.
And he goes, no, I didn't care about the fat joke.
And I go, what are you mad about?
And he goes, you kept calling me kid.
You kept being like, this is a good kid over here.
Hey, this kid, and I go, he goes, really?
Like, I'm a child, I go, dude,
no, I was saying it like in the balls
This is what happens to fucking Joe when he gets drunk Joe wants to be in the rat pack so bad
He wants to walk around the thin black tie and a tumbler full of fucking whiskey and gay kid. How are you?
Sweetie, why don't you bring over here bring us two drinks? Yeah. Get the kid in here, give it a, kid stays in the bitch. Fuck yourself, Deroza.
You say kid.
Yeah, but stop, yeah, but you know what?
I can fuck it back it up physically.
You, it's not demeaning.
Dude, you calling anybody kid is demeaning.
It's not demeaning.
It's like being like, what's up son?
It's like not demeaning.
Yeah, but you weren't saying it, you weren't saying it like,
like when I call Bobby, I was okay, how you doing? Yeah, that's like saying what's up. I was saying it. Yeah, we't saying it. Like when I call Bobby, oh, what's up, good, how you doing?
Yeah, that's like saying.
I was saying it.
Yeah, we were saying it.
First of all, we have street cred.
We're saying it like street cred guys.
Guys who've been in fucking battles.
I've been in 500 fucking fights.
There's been in jail.
Hey, boom.
Hey, jail.
You've been in shit.
Do you want to have a soft handed handshake
since we've never been locked up?
Like a bunch of goddamn animals.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah. Cause we can obey to the rules of society
I'm sorry, go ahead thin fingers
We're civilized over here. Do you guys want to make out with each other now?
I don't know maybe we'll sit around and talk about talks. Here's a podcast
I'll take Marsavoyce you take the roast
Beat the fuck out of it right now
That's the last you know what dude podcast and we all go over to your hammer fisting podcast. I like it dude since when his kid demeaning
It's like I love this kid like what?
I like when you get drunk to me. I love when you turn into Dean Martin
I cuz I know I know how much you love that error
You do you really want to fucking hit a chick. Not here her to but
just one smack. I said fucking wait for the golly watch your mouth. You were
supposed to be at 20 minutes ago. Joe I don't want to hit a girl. I'm saying
that's a regret. I don't mind. I don't want to hit a girl. You do want to make
them flinch
He loves dress and up dig a thumb into her bicep. Yeah, give her the goon hand on the elbow
Good, I want to be a classy girl. Yeah, exactly the fucking rat pack He wants to wear hats and pointy shoes. He loves he loves fucking clothes
You're you love that error and I love that error too, okay?
But you want you turn into fucking Dean Martin and you like hey kid get over here man He loves fucking clothes. You love that era and I love that era too, okay?
But you turn into fucking Dean Martin and you're like,
Hey kid, get over here man, this fucking song's good.
And you try to be meaningful.
Let me tell you something.
When I fuck you almost get like an Italian accent too.
Well, I guess what is demeaning about any of that?
Because people, I love it Joe.
I love fucking Dean Martin.
I love Dean Martin Joe.
I love Dean Martin. Back back Joe. Back back Joe. I love fucking me. I love Dean Martin, Joe. I love Dean Martin, Joe.
Back back, Joe.
Back back, Joe.
Hey, kid, come on, who's these brods over here?
Look at the yams on that, brod.
Yeah, I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
What's the meaning?
To some people, call them a kid.
Hey, kid, hey, kid.
And it's not, when you change, when you become, when you're,
you now, and then you become something else when you get drunk,
it's demeaning to some people.
Don't call me fucking kid.
It's just a pet peeve with him.
I get it.
No, I don't, here's the thing though.
He's a comic.
Yeah, he's been opposing.
That's that.
He's a good kid.
As you're calling me.
I'm a good kid.
I'm a good kid.
I'm a good kid.
I'm a good kid.
I'm a good kid.
I'm a good kid.
I'm a good kid. I'm a good kid. I'm a good kid. I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I'm a guy, I that I learned today. Yeah, look, it's crap, whatever.
Every time I see Joe drink, that's just gonna be playing in my head.
Whenever we go after drinks. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't Let's see what's going on at the copa huh? Every joy Joe goes to it's a curtain
We're gonna look it you know I
I
Forget what what oh cuz I said I take this kid with me anywhere
I don't mean it like he's a dumb kid. I mean it like I it's a term in deer mint
That's how I meant it at least right to hit to you. I know you you it's fucking dude. It's to get him
Oh, it's Joe de him a fucking Skype it's Joe
Derosa fucking fucking Dean Martin we get it we get it's rapper it's rap
pack Joe it's rap pack Joe Joey Vegas
James here's a thing man
Burrow is called we Joey roses for that reason that's really you were in the mom Joey rose
he cooks the books. He would just be
a word he'd be Lewis would be muscle
for you. Oh yeah easily. I'd be I'd be
I'd be the guy you want out. No you'd be
the guy that like came through the
rankings just by shedding blood and
and he's he's the fucking out. Yeah
I'm the guy that I'm like the
maintenance guy. You'd be the muscle'm like the maintenance guy you'd be the
Muscle Lewis be the guy where you'd be like Bobby. He's a good he's good shit, but he's making too many mistakes
Over the top violence sloppy Bobby when I call you and say go see the Puerto Rican you know what it be
And so do it be the guy that actually fucking wants to clip
in you in the back later just to get ahead.
Like he's your ass kissing guy.
Oh, everything you need bossing.
And then you turn the round.
He's Frank Vincent and Casino.
How about that tough guy?
He's a great guy.
You're a mother fucker.
I brought you to bananas.
You piece of shit.
Fucking, that's my favorite. That's one of my favorite lines of casino, what they're talking about.
He said about how he wants to maybe kill the Neuro and he goes, I want you to dig a hole.
And when I call you and say, go see the Jew.
You know what it means.
You want me to go kill the Jew.
I didn't fucking say it, I fucking say what are you doing.
I said when I call you and say, that's such a fucking great seed.
Yeah, that movie's good man.
I love Casino, I don't love it.
I liked Casino, I love it.
I don't fucking love it.
I love it, I think it's great.
Most quotable movie, possibly ever.
Yeah, I mean, if you're into that fucking,
I mean, I'm not a quota.
I don't like, I quote a few things here and there.
He doesn't quote, he gets quoted.
Right?
I kind of like that.
I definitely see Bobby.
You've got the Bobby's got the temper of Joe Pesci when he's popping that dudes eyeball
out.
I've seen it.
Charlie.
Charlie.
You made me pop your fucking idea.
It's not.
It goes high.
I'm working on it.
Do all my favor.
Can I just tell you?
You know, you know John Musache, the guy that does prank calls. Yeah. I'm working on. Do all my favor. Can I just tell you, can I just tell you?
You know John Musache, the guy that does prank calls.
Yeah.
You know, he almost prank calls him like,
oh, I'm gonna cut that in fucking punchin' the thing.
Bobby yelled at me on speaker phone one day in front of my place.
And my buddy, my buddy, as Bobby was yelled at me,
my buddy put a note in front of me.
It said, I didn't know you were on the phone with John Musaccio.
I yelled last night, I did this for the first time,
because my baby sister was here,
and with her girlfriend, who you would have loved by the way.
You yelled at your sister?
No, I'll be finished, you fucking twa,
that's how rumors get started, Joe.
Good, you fucking damn.
You yelled at your sister?
No, we were downstairs downstairs and I was you know
I'm cleaning all the shit and you know for me to clean is I get you got it you build up the what
Did you say something
You just fucking said don't talk him. She didn't say anything
How did you yeah
Yeah, you weirdo
Shut up. I'm gonna do it. I'm got stabbed me. What are you gonna do fucking you fucking cook the steak wrong?
There you go. It's quote movie listen. I I we're downstairs and she was she has this thing where she I
Will say something I will say I will say I
Just lose this shit
Joe Joe tried to do so many made himself
I didn't break eye contact me
Nobody jumps in there. I'm fucking Joe's fucking monologues. He's scared you're gonna boo to my
He's not he has his own. Nobody thought it was funny, Joe.
He does it really.
Just take the head.
He does it really have his own.
Oh.
It's like a character.
I'm the host of the Hammer Fisting podcast.
Yes, the owner.
So she has this thing where she doesn't listen to what I say.
I'm saying something to her.
She only looks down the road of how it's gonna fuck her up.
So she'll answer a question, not to the fucking question
I'm asking her.
And I couldn't yell the way I do last night
because my sister and her friend were here.
So I scream,
Joe, shut the fuck up.
Seriously, because you're being annoying.
That's the boy. I did that, yeah, that's the boy. Okay, watch what happens now. Seriously shut the fuck up Seriously cuz you're being a boy
Okay, watch what happens now
Now you're I'm in I'm in Joe
What I love
Now little fucking sensitive
Durosus you're gonna fucking get it and you're gonna get it from all of us
I'm really trying to I'm in you're good keep doing it
No, don't be sorry
I'm like the kid in the family that gets beaten the most and I'm just happy
He's gonna get it. He's happy. Oh my god. I'm here the kid in the family that gets beaten the most and I'm just happy Like he's gonna get it. He's happy. I'm like I'm here to hear baby. I'm here to hear you when he got your dad the belt
Use the one spoon
I'm I got light head is sorry
From
I'm in next time you tell you such a story. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in, Joe. I'm in. Next time you tell you such a story. I'm in. God. No, no, I'm done. You
You're out. You don't get the fucking climax, Joe. And though climax was good, you could have fucking had a couple
Couple good ones. Everybody could have come on. Yeah, Christ. Yeah, you fuck with me. You fucking me all last week. Yeah, I fuck with you all the time
Yeah, I'm just fucking way back. It's funny. but you got me you got me and now I got you back
All right, you don't get the story. How's that and now everybody at home doesn't get it. All right
What about why doesn't Dan get it? He has get it. You guys got the sausage thing after he ruined it. Huh remember that I made it funny
He made it funny. I was fucking hilarious just happened. She a man. I just made him
Yeah, he made it funny. He was fucking hilarious just having you see how man I just made him.
I'm not gonna lie Joe that was funny.
I was sitting there going I know it's not funny.
I'm just gonna make a vow.
I really, really, really good.
It was funny.
It was funny.
It was funny about it.
Is that the first time you did it, it was like nobody left and I was like good.
All right, fuck him.
He got it.
And I hate when you crack up at your own shit.
Joe goes, wasn't that funny?
No, I'd laugh if it was funny.
Like, you're an asshole from not laughing.
Like, we do that intentionally.
We, he's so funny that if we don't laugh at everything
he says, it's because we're being mean to him.
That fucking bugs me.
But then you did it the second time,
but then you slightly did it.
And that really, I really, very close
to unscrewing this microphone.
And swinging, I was gonna hit you
why do I just kiss you are there I want to casualtees I wanted to go the you
are responsible for this job and I have to yell at Joe later in the afternoon when
I'm icing my head because of a mic wound you shouldn't have pissed the
mockup I'm like Joe what the fuck're doing there man. He got me holy shit
We go dawn I was waiting to see if you have shut up
What I wanted to laugh
Okay, I what I did last night. I will tell you I yelled at her without yelling
I'm ice- I screamed in my eyes. In her face.
I literally, you know how I screamed, Joe.
I screamed.
When I get mad, I'll try to recreate my mad.
I don't know if I can do it.
You fucking, you don't fucking listen to me.
And when I fucking tell you, you fucking somewhere else.
I mean, that's my, I don't even like you're 50% angry.
Okay, it's scary.
It's scary.
It freaks me out when he does it.
I hate it.
I hate it too.
It's from my childhood.
It's from my second dad who used to beat me up.
It's from my mom fucking y'all.
It's all that shit.
I screamed in her last night like that without screaming.
I did this with my eyes, because my little sister
and a friend were upstairs. I just went like this.
I tried to make laser beams of in my eyes and shoot them into her face and kill my wife.
And she looked at me, she literally, like, had the same effect of me getting, because she literally backed up
and kind of cocked her head like, what the fuck is he doing?
And as soon as I did it, I was like, I just screamed
without screaming at my fucking face.
Oh, God, oh, dude, please try, please try.
Just try it.
I wonder if there's like a half second where she's like,
is he having a fucking aneurysm?
Like, here she's like, dude. I wanted to fucking go you're not fucking
I did it with my eyes. Jesus. Oh, it's fucking tired Jesus.
Anyways, I
This is a fucking funny thing. I wanted to talk about your your podcast
Real quick is that you are on riot cast along with the Jersey jerks
If you guys listen to any of these other podcasts. Yeah, not Lewis's but all the other
Like Joe's on fire Joe's on fire today. I'm just kidding. I'm just shut up. He's fine
Did you see did he look fine to you? He had his fucking knife eyes
Are you alright? You son of a bitch literally like this?
Well, I said he was literally all like this. He was gone
Staring his phone that he looked angry
We're not talking about triangles. Are you fucking alright? No, I'm fine. I'm my fucking
I just texted me some dumb shit. What she text you she said I love when guys just read shit
Why would you do that? Yeah
What does she say why would you say she texted you dumb shit? I mean that seems disrespectful
I like it Joe's like hot food. He's like spicy food. I hate it
You got to take it on a bite.
The one more bite, one more bite, it's chilling.
It's hot.
Ooh, ooh.
All right, listen, let me see it before you talk to Louisville's
about his pocket.
Oh, let's get serious.
What do you want to talk about?
I'm going to tell you.
It's not serious now.
No, no, I'm not being serious.
I'm just going to tell you something.
Okay, go ahead.
What are you going to tell us?
This is going to do it.
All right, go ahead.
What are you going to tell us?
And I said it to Keith Robinson. What is it, man? Congratulations to you and Keith Robinson.
You guys have finally fully ruined me.
For years, you guys have been going,
you're at pieces shit.
Just fucking let it out.
Stop the dough.
I've finally crossed over into full-time cocksucker
where I just go to parties.
I fuck with you.
I'm miserable.
I'm just joze a cocksucker, jozexah, coxah, coxah, coxah, coxah.
I like it, we created a monster.
It was always there, you just finally brought it out.
I made a girl cry at a party the other night.
I made a cry.
I was arguing with her so much.
I made a cry.
No, but he called me and told me about it.
Lewis, you made a girl cry without hitting her.
Yeah. You're just going to your made a girl cry without hitting her
He's called no fat show cry like you're easy. It's easy either call it better. You play a knife out
Put a knife on your desktop. They go in my room. I dare you fat bitch
So cry I got you
We were debating something and I just was like, I don't know. She just started fucking crying.
I mean, another girl leave the party.
She got so mad at me.
I was sitting in the room.
I was sitting in the room.
I was like, Christmas party and I go,
I turn to my friend's wife.
I go, we're going to leave right now.
And she's like, why did I go?
Because I'm teetering on obnoxious drunk.
Because people were talking and I started going,
shh, shut up.
So I told her, that's so seller shit that you guys taught me.
Fucking, I'm just becoming a, it's out.
It's not becoming, it's out.
The cunt is out.
You guys have prodded it for years.
It's fucking out.
Good, good, I'm fucking all in.
You know what I mean?
You've not even girls, but everyone.
Nobody, like comics me have such thick skins.
Yeah.
So I remember I had a girl chit.
We don't though.
We don't. No, no, no, but like on the surface we do. We have thick skins skins. Yeah, so I remember I had a girl. We don't though. We don't no
No, no, but like on the surface we have thick skins, but we are fucking the worst
Yeah, because we have we have such we have deeper issues than your girlfriend cheating on your whatever it is
So like I remember I had a girlfriend of cheating on me and all my comic friends were just fucking busts on my balls
The entire night that it happened like all she's probably fucking that other guy right now
She's sucking his dick and he's just fucking sane
How much she enjoys his dick more than she enjoys yours and it hurt at first
But after about an hour or so you start to get desensitized. You're like, oh, yeah, it's funny
I guess did I try to do that same shit with this girl that I know who's not a comic
Oh, that's like she was dating some dude and I was like, oh, he's definitely fucking some other
She started tearing up and like wound up on her face because they don't have a tender nor butter. She said home fucking put a blade to her
arm like yes. My friends I grew up with are like that too.
They're really fucking mean. It was evil. Like like we we
play like drinking games and stuff a lot. We compete. We
talk shit. And my friends dad's dad and I'd be like I
witnessed this. We would literally say things like I'm
gonna dig up your dad's corpse and fucking it. Oh yeah.
I get Joe was saying that I was awful Joe just the worst shit right and then we would go play beer pong with like girls
Down the shore like we'd be at a party that have it and girls would
We'd be running around the table
You love to be a man. You love that. We did the divorce, that is fucking his house.
It was on fire.
Bonnie was home alone in the balcony.
Little fire.
We're like, do you find any newport cigarettes?
I can bang in a black.
We were trash.
We're ruthless, but people don't get it. But here's the thing too is that we all give a shit about each other
That's the key. That's why the roasts back in the day were so fucking awesome because everybody on there kind of knew each other and gave a shit
You watch the roast now and it's just
You know, it's it's comics that they want to make famous they give them a bunch of fuck ten writers
Here's great jokes.
Go out and say them in your fucking way
and trash some guy you don't even fucking know.
It's kind of, I get it and it's entertaining,
but it's not as good as the roast we used to do
at the Boston Comedy Club.
God, I listened to Patrice's roast.
Yeah.
When we was all friends and we were all fucking each other.
Some people took a beating on that.
I found it online and I listened to that whole thing.
That's the fucking, that was like the beautiful thing, a sad and tragic as it was with Patrice
Dying.
The beautiful thing that you saw at his funeral was these guys, it was that whole scene.
I mean, there was a lot of comics there, but the core group was that O&A fucking crew
whatever, right? It was I mean there was a lot of comics there, but the core group was that Oh and a fucking crew whatever right and it was like
It was like these guys that have just trashed each other
Over and over and whatever and it's like to see those guys like
Still kind of have that spirit, but then like when a dude started crying like hug each other and like be there
It's like you saw like what it was really about you saw the the real love of like, this is family,
and you can fuck with family like that.
You can joke like that with your family.
Yeah, but that's why it's weird when fans do it.
It's like, dude, settle the fuck down.
You know what I mean?
I don't fucking know you.
I know what you're doing is not fucking,
you're not coming from a shit place.
Like I had a guy where we were having dinner the other night,
and a guy walked by my place, probably knows where I live,
lives on the block, I think, and he went,
you know what, dude?
In the thing, and it's like, I get it,
but look, dude, this, you know, my fucking wife,
and shit, you know, come on.
What?
I mean, I get it, it was like, what the fuck?
But it's also a little creepy, where it's like,
you know what I mean, say that shit to me on the street,
you know, fucking walk by my window,
because what if I'm not there,
and you scare the shit out of my wife? You walk by your window? because what if I'm not there and you scare the shit
out of my wife?
You walk by your window?
Yeah, right, I'll find it.
I know where you live.
Because, man, some people, this fan's live on the block.
I posted it on Facebook.
No, I mean, look, people know what you live do.
There's guys, there's guys that live on the block
that walk by and go, hey, do a big fan.
I live here, we live on the same block.
I mean, he wasn't doing it to be a fucking crazy person,
but I get it,
but my wife and her friend, certain people don't get it. And they're like, what the fuck?
You know what I mean? You got to, you got to kind of pick and choose when you, but here's
the thing. I'm at the show in New Brunswick. And some guy, it's a packed out show. I think
it was Friday night. It was great. Some Owen A fan yelled at Owen A fan thing
Oh, he yelled out I go dude look at this little fucking cutie and the guy yelled out
He's not as cute as Sam Roberts
Right
There was no other own a fans there
Yeah, so he was the only one and I just stared at him. I was like I just let him take the hit like dude
This is and nobody knows what the fuck you talking about right right, you know, so all right
Well, I think for fans I think the reason they want to do that
is because it looks fun when we're all
shitting on each other and they're like,
I want to have that fun too.
It's so much fun, but it's also, I don't think they understand.
It's like, well, we don't really know you.
But, yeah.
Well, sometimes, you know, you're just going to be care.
You're going to be very, you can't be fucking really.
I don't know you do.
You can't, that's why I tell them to leave the happy face
with a smiley thing, because I know that you're coming from a fucking, even if it's terrible and you can't that's why I tell him to leave the happy face with a smiley thing because I know
That you're coming from a fucking even if it's terrible and you shouldn't have said it Yeah, I'll keep you because I know you were trying to be funny dude some guy message me on Facebook last night happy new your buddy
And I thought this dude hated me
Because he would leave these posts on my page that we're like
hated me because he would leave these posts on my page that we're like go see this go see this fucking piece of shit's show if you want to see what a fucking
retard is like and I hate that I shared the same last name as this guy like
miserable fucking post because we had the same last name and I was like what the
fuck is this guy's problem and then last night he's like, happy to hear, dude,
he's like an O and A fan.
He thinks he's like funny and it's like, dude,
I appreciate that you like me
and you're trying to be funny,
but it's like, dude, you guys don't realize sometimes,
like, we don't know you,
so we don't know how that's fucking meant.
Like, we don't know how that's coming across.
This is, we'll just fly off the handle.
Don't fucking come up to me, call me names,
I'll fucking murder you.
I mean, let me ask you a question.
You do your MMA podcast.
Your listeners are getting up there.
I mean, it's not, you know what, dude, but whatever.
You guys get haters, you guys get people fucking trashing you.
We get a few people that are like real MMA fans.
Like they don't, they don't,
like it's like real fucking sports fans.
They don't see the humor and sports, you know?
So you get the guys and we trash fighters a lot too.
And we actually, we've said it a few times
on the podcast, we'll trash fighters,
but we trash each other.
We're just like ball bussing.
Even like I've said a million times,
if you're, if you get into a cage,
I don't care if you record a zero and 70,
you're a fucking bad dude. You know what I'm saying? Like that's a bad ass thing to do. So we, if you get into a cage, I don't care if you record a zero and 70, you're a fucking bad dude.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, fuck it's a bad ass thing to do.
So we will trash fighters a lot.
We've had a couple people hit us up on Twitter
being like, who the fuck are you?
You don't get into a cage.
We have a couple guys on our YouTube page that are hating.
But for the most part, people fucking get it.
People are gonna listen to more than five or 10 minutes of it.
If they're like serious sports fans,
if they wanna laugh a little bit
and they wanna kinda like sit in
on the conversation about this past weekend's fights,
it's a good point for them.
And you do live stuff too though.
You do like night of the show, you go to Bellator.
Yeah, we get press passes, we sit cage side,
we do fighter interviews.
That's the best part about the fucking podcast
is that it's, you guys know what you're talking about,
but you don't, you fuck off.
Like you guys are fucking, you guys, you had, uh, the, the writer of the warrior and the director, right?
What's his name again?
Uh, Anthony Tambakis.
Right, you had him on, right?
We had him on, we had John Fitch on last week, we had,
Hey, John Fitch is a huge score. He's a huge fighter.
He has number three, well, we're not anymore.
Not anymore.
Woof, did he get fucking, he got him knocked out, and out and I really bugged me that that what's his name?
What's the fuck John Hendrix? Hendrix actually was like I did would fucking say
I caught him. He caught him. Stop relax. We fucking title. I did what other people couldn't do. Yeah, you funga lucky
Stop it the other guys BJ and and and George. Maybe I had a battle. Yeah fucking styles make fights
You know, there's a thing is that that guy
Who was it the Jersey jerks? Yeah, you fight with those guys. We're not. And styles make fights, you know. But here's the thing is that that guy, who was it, the Jersey jerks,
you fight with those guys?
We're not fighting with it, here's what I have.
It's friendly.
But here's the thing, this one thing you said,
they said that that guy went on and trashed them.
The writer.
And they really talked about,
have you seen the warrior?
No, warrior.
I haven't seen it before.
I haven't seen it before.
It's called warrior.
They said they were saying it's like,
oh yeah, you took the fucking Rocky idea and it's not. Dude, it's pretty funny. I'm really great. They said they were saying it's like oh, yeah You took the fucking rocky idea and it's not dude's pretty funny. They were calling them
They were saying he was on original because what happened was Vic my partner on the podcast you what Vic my partner on the podcast
What do you call him? You're my partner partner partner partner partner partner. I'm from the head
I know you're not from the suburbs. You just said it earlier. I'm fucking the suburbs of Rockland County
Thank you. Thank you for fucking you guys well earlier
It's like it's not like fights in the suburbs and there's like a from the hood so fucking what's called so Vic
He's he's just crazy wanted to take this stance against the Jersey jerks. I was on that episode
Yeah, I guess everybody against glory hole against fucking. I love Victor. Victor lunatic. He's a big guy too
Yeah, I love that you do the podcast in his apartment. It's so hot that only one of Vicks eyeglasses
things fogs out.
He looks like a fucking pirate.
So he just randomly wanted to start beef
with a-
Jerry's another podcast.
Well, he sprants as well.
He doesn't like authority.
That's Vicks whole thing now.
So it's kind of a funny thing.
But the Jersey jerks get it.
They get that we're just kind of like, you know, it's like a ball busty like you know, joky thing
So VIXX we had an empty to 10 back is on for the second time
VIXX started goading Anthony 10 back. It's in a talking shit about the Jersey jerks
So he said something just random dumb shit. He's never even heard their podcasts. Yeah, but they got furious
Yeah, they were like they were like they're like you fuck this fucking guy. I can't write an original movie.
One of them, he was like, maybe Fabio or whatever.
He's like, I got a movie idea for you.
It's your mother getting gang raped by a bunch of animals
and it caves somewhere.
Jesus, goodbye.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Here's the thing, is that the movie is not like Rocky.
No, the movie is, it's not.
It's an original story.
And they said it was like the fighter or like Rocky, it's not.
Yeah, it's about fighting, it's about family.
But it's really, it's about two brothers that both fight.
And the Rocky is about a love story.
Actually, it's not the Rocky's love story.
The chick in this one has not, she's like,
yeah, don't fucking do it and then she winds up going,
she has nothing to really do with it.
Also too, this is, you know, that's a very uneducated opinion to go.
It's like the fighter, it's like, what do you think? This guy, the's a very uneducated opinion to go. It's like, it's like the fighter.
It's like, what do you think?
This guy, first of all, the fighters are true story.
What do you think this guy saw the fighter and then two months later got his movie fucking
written, produced and released?
I was probably trying to get it.
Did I mean the fucking year?
Yeah, it's like, well, yeah, the, I know stupid.
The first of all, the movie is doing great.
It didn't do that well in the theaters, but it's got a bunch of like critics choice awards.
Got it, you know, it's a amazing. I saw it awesome movie
I'm it's a really it's a great fucking movie and it ends the way you would want it to end
How bad how bad is Tom Hardy's character?
Tom Hardy is the best actor going right now. I am so pissed
I went to go see mission impossible for yesterday
You didn't see the iMacs. Yeah, I went to the IMAX, it was swarming with tourists.
I went for a 130 showing, I got there at 115.
There was no way I was to that line,
was going to even train the actual tourist.
Are you talking about tourists?
You know I'm talking about that.
Are these tourists, I'm talking in the movie theater.
What's that?
I'm talking about it.
Well, no, the IMAX was.
You're talking right over a fucking guy.
Sorry, I'm sure.
I'm doing a good black joke. Are these tourists tourists keep on bringing the property value down in this neighborhood
Yeah, boy. I was I I don't it's funny. I don't want to laugh at it
I have to because I made a fucking I made a
Span a show girl
That was a good one. Thanks. Yeah, Tom Hardy. I'm so excited to watch him play Bane. You cannot fucking stop.
You know when you see an actor in Ozzy,
like please just put him back on, like John Malkovitch,
Robert DuVal, it's like when are they coming back on?
As soon as they come back on, you're like fucking awesome.
It's like, and that Tom Hardy is the same shit in this movie.
You're like, you just wanna see him talk.
He's so fucking good.
He doesn't come out to music, that's the whole thing in the movie. Like he doesn't give a fucking good. He doesn't come out to music. That's
the whole thing in the movie like he doesn't give a fuck so he doesn't come out to music. He has no
sponsorship. He just comes out and fucks people on walks out of the ring. He's just fucks people.
He's fucks dudes. That's kind of it. That's what the fangs do. You're supposed to stay in the cage too.
You know after and you know having he as soon as he beats the guy up and they took that from BJ
pen. BJ pen did that one time and then he got in trouble.
He beat the guy and then left.
You know, they usually stay in the thing.
He roggin interviews him.
This fucking beast of fuck out of the guy.
And the kid kicks the cage.
Right now, yeah, just right now.
Right now, like a homerwatcher.
Yeah, check it.
And the movie actually, we were talking about last week.
Somebody just emailed me.
Remember, remember the movie we were talking about
with the old lady blows the retarder guy
yeah in the basement yeah
to piss off her husband yeah Steve B actually sent this to the
to the yeah nice if you're a fucking weird out
uh...
uh... email the said why it's actually the email to for the website if you
have any questions for any of us uh... why
k wd at glory at riotcast.com. Why KWD at riotcast.com.
It's called Blood Brothers and Richard Gears in it and Paul Servinos in it too. And she
actually blows the the the how the older housewife blows the retarded guy downstairs.
Is it a good movie? It's a good movie. It's a it's actually a good movie too. But that
scene is just where she just gives up
She's just want to get me her blood. Oh the guy. I'm not you know, I mean, you don't see it's not brown bunny
It's not fucking but I mean you see her go like put her head down
I don't I don't remember it look she blows the guy. I mean, I don't know Joe, but I'm I don't remember
It's not a porno, but it's also not soft core. She just go up in the hall, you don't hear.
Let him go.
I know, I'm saying, how do you know she blows him
as my point is because did she say it?
She blows her, or?
She says, shit, I know.
Oh, he said it.
Look at, she blows him.
It's not, you don't see it.
I know what you're saying.
Yeah, you see enough that you know she blows him.
It's not like later she goes, I blow him.
That's not how you know.
No, I don't remember all of it, no.
She blows him.
That's what I haven't seen the movie in a long time.
But I didn't know I was gonna be fucking,
you know, how do you know she blow him?
No, I was just curious of how graphic it gets.
It doesn't get that graphic, it's a movie with Richard Gear.
Well, that's why I was curious.
Well, I mean, what the fuck?
Well, you know that.
That's obvious.
I don't know.
I was a jealousy fucking unfaithful.
That gets real grand.
Oh, yeah, it does.
That is it.
Oh, that's a great one.
Diane Lane gets bastard.
Oh, is that what Richard did?
Yeah, but they don't show any fun.
Dude, Diane Lane shows her dude.
Or what?
Her cooter?
Is he show? Are you on the phone put the fucking phone down you fucking ass
Don't even fucking play
Stop stop where you fuck what show just you just what I do you a fucking stupid high-pitched
Girl scream shut blue on the monitor
cause you're such a little girl
and it's stopped the recording.
That's what happened.
Can we lose it?
Yeah, you shut down everything with you.
Can we lose all recording?
No, just that piece, it shuts down.
Cause you're fucking, oh.
Please fucking say that when we come back.
I just did, we're back.
Oh, we're back.
We're back now. That's so funny. We're back now, dumb dumb dumb.
So funny.
You'll hide, pitch, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
You get the exact note that would shut down the computer.
When I put my phone up to here, you got so bad.
What is with you today, dude?
You're too easy today.
I just got back from therapy.
Oh, wait, it seems to be working.
I, well, no.
When you open up the emotional fucking valve,
I should, I think I might change Tuesdays to
Later on the day because I think I need because I literally just got back from therapy
Change what and and and else this this this is to you're a fucking cunt today
You love it. You just I love it. I do. I love it, Joe
Don't think I don't love you being a cunt. I do. I don't love your high-pitched fucking girl voice
shutting down the box of it. Oh the people who's the people the fan millions the millions?
I tell you this right now, dude. We this podcast
We got a fucking thank the fans because they are yeah today. We're in number 15 nice
We went to 11. Yeah, we went to 11.
In fact, thank you to our good friends, Matt Turhun and Bailey Jay.
Yes.
They texted me this morning.
They texted me a screenshot of the number 11 spot.
They did.
They texted me this.
How do you fucking see the picture?
Did he text you the picture, Bailey, with blonde hair?
Yeah.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Oh, I didn't get the naked picture.
Oh, sorry, you still won't, because you're a cut today.
So there you go.
You lose. I, uh, I, for pushing it the way you did push it
But he was also fucking the podcast was good. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's not like he just pushed the shitty podcast
That podcast I listen to it. I don't know if you guys listen to it was fucking really funny. Oh really good one
So thanks for thanks for
Really fucking craziness this podcast is going ballistic
So that's about it man. we're gonna wrap it up.
It's an hour and 16 minutes.
Fucking, did you have fun, Lou?
Not a blast.
You did?
You know what, dude?
I'm not seeing you, Lois.
I'm not seeing you, man.
Make sure you're fucking Joe.
Yeah, make sure, make sure,
a fucking newest member of Ryakast,
Hammer Fisting podcast.
I was on it before, was on Ryakast.
I'm so glad they picked it up.
If you guys like MMA at all all and you like to fucking laugh,
make sure you go to riotcast.com and check it out.
Check out the other one, the Jersey jerks too.
Jersey's a funny.
Yeah, if you want to hear those guys fucking go at it.
Him and Vic and...
I love Vic really stirring the shit though.
That really makes me laugh.
It really, because he doesn't see such a nice guy.
He's such a nice guy.
I've known Vic for years. But even with you, he's like, he's like,
what the fuck, what is Bobby Kelly done for us lately?
I've done everything.
Yeah.
How's my savior?
How about everything, Vic?
You couldn't even fight with anybody,
fucking six months ago.
We're gonna fucking, we're gonna,
we're gonna get you on again.
Yeah, you think?
I'd like to come on.
Yeah, I'm gonna tell you.
And Joe, we can do those as all segment,
we'll have him do fight picks, we won't know what, fuck you talking about. Yeah, come on And Joe we have we have dozes on segment. We will have him do fight picks where he won't know what
Fuck you talking about yeah, come on
We actually have that idea to do it with a girl, but I think doing it with Joe to roses a fun your idea now
Yeah, what that fucking high-pitch laughter shut down a computer. That is great that he broke
No, that
Just know that that you guys like what happened? It's just Joe's A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha I'm a bad joke. Joe is fucking out of him. He's over on the dark side now.
He's a truce.
And he was being, we were having drinks at Caroline's
and you were giving it to one of our friends.
You were being such a,
but she was giving it to me.
But it was, yeah, when you explained it,
all the time, I'm error up.
When you explained it,
I was, it wasn't like I was picking on it.
No, but when you explained it,
we were putting it on.
But you, in the last three months, you have transformed and it's just a brutal prick Keith and Bobby's fault
Joey roses it's particularly Keith robbing
Oh, he's a fucking out. We're gonna get him on the podcast. Maybe next week. We're gonna get stupid Keith over here and
He's gonna give me a beating that I'll cover
Stop acting like stop
Me might not even talk to you. No, you probably won't
Yeah, stop acting just won't care. You might just acknowledge you
Not acting like you're just you're gonna get a beating you on the scared foster
I'm kidding monster voice monster voice look at me
One of your fans wrote the guy you refer to as monster voice he's great that's hilarious
they don't even know his name I didn't even think of that she didn't fucking catch his name she loves them what
you know what did you do are you alright yeah you cuz you're making noise who you texting
right now Joe nobody I was just making sure my phone wasn't gonna buzz put your phone down
Holy no, they're from now on. We're gonna take we're gonna basket
Making sure it wasn't gonna buzz well making sure if putting your pocket put in your tight jeans
Put it away
All right guys here we go happy new year to everybody
We said fuck that forget happy new year go fuck yourself. It's already a weekend
Dan at dance soda on Twitter. You got an email you want to give out? No, you still have a website. I don't have a website really
Wow
At Jodoros a comedy. Yeah, at Jodoros a comedy on Twitter Jodoros a comedy dot com dates When is Date when is this going up next Monday going up next Monday? I'll be at the this weekend
I'll be at the jukebox comedy club in Peoria, Illinois
So come out and see one of those shows really and Lewis it's at Lewis Jay Gomez on Twitter
It's L.U.I.S. Luis. Yeah J Gomez and my website is gomescomedy.com.
And I will be performing at some bar tomorrow night in the city.
So you guys want to come by.
Yeah, make sure you check out Hammer Fisting podcast at riotcast.com.
And I just want to quickly thank for the donations.
Don't forget about fucking donations people.
Now that you spent your money on your relatives and the New Year's of a fucking upon us,
get back into your wallets and fuck them, give it to us.
Ah, no, I want to thank Robert Bloom.
This guy is fucking great.
He's been giving us all kinds of fucking nice little donations.
And we're putting it back in.
We're looking at t-shirts and-
Back into your pocket.
No, we haven't taken a dime yet.
We've actually just put it-
Bobby Kelly asked me for a donation when I came in.
Darrell Hillier, Tim Carpenter, Andrew Mccoon, Eugene Jones, Jay. Andrew Mccoon, Jake Kurt Iverson. No, wait, that's the web guy that actually took money out.
Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Evan Scott, William Rose, Daniel King, Richard Stewart, Emily.
We always keep our, hang on, I'm not done with that.
Donating?
Yeah, it's called a fucking popular podcast.
You fucking kidding me.
Ryan, uh, Yabari, Richard, uh, Barrett, uh, La Taut, Angela Rodriguez, Heather Graves,
Ian Bridgman, Bridgman, Bridgman, yeah, it's Steven Garrison and Robert Bloom again. Robert Bloom donated. I don't know what the 67 cents is
They donated a dollar. Robert Bloom is a big fan. Thank you Robert Bloom. It's a shit man. Really good guys are all fucking the other list too
We were supposed to read but how much are they donate?
A thousand's on I'm kidding. They can donate a dollar. They can donate five dollars. Some of them donate 10 some of them donate 50
You know, they donate money and we put it back
into the podcast to follow the mics.
We're gonna get T-shirts made.
We're gonna get all kinds of stuff for the man.
We've got T-shirts made.
Really?
You got, fuck that.
I don't give a shit.
What?
That's bullshit.
I'm gonna give you one.
Okay, thanks.
Okay, yeah.
That sentence will accompany every T-shirt.
I'm just gonna give you a push.
Anyway, man.
This podcast, what should we name this podcast?
I think Joe's a cunt.
I mean, that's a pretty direct.
That's an overview of the episode.
I mean, it couldn't be any more accurate.
It's, it's, it's, it's, it's,
are we going for the obvious here?
It's, it's joke.
It's hammer face.
Are these you call it you call it rap pack Joe
Right. It should be to be Lewis Gomez and rap pack Joe. Not a
If you enjoyed the you know what do podcasts go to riotcast.com and check out other podcasts like my wife hates me with rich
Voss and Bonnie McFarlane or the comedy seller Jim Florentine's comedy metal midgets with Joe doesn't work. The glory
hole with Robert Kelly and the bird with AIDS. Robert Kelly, no, don't read the fucking
podcast itself. Just the title. He's just a dumb giant that you give orders to.
You're gonna give him exact orders or he fucks it up.
Shut up.
Pick up that log.
Whoa.
Not that log, that log, stupid.
Jim Florida team's comedy metal midgets.
Yeah.
The glory hole.
Why you sucking bed?
Mads, we know are you sucking bed? Yeah.
Mads, we know why you suck in bed.
Is your dick doesn't match a voice.
Oh my god, come on, just act like you're.
Mads, I just party hour.
The Jersey Jerks Show.
Oh, we get it.
They're from Jersey.
And the Hammer Fisting MMA podcast.
Hammer Fisting with Lewis Gomez, who's right here.
Yeah.
So we really can't talk shit about it. I will
I won't listen to it. Yeah, listen to it. God takes please somebody
The only place you need to go for your podcast right You know what I'm getting? I'm getting stuck in your stinkin' stinkin' stinkin'
You know what I'm getting?
I'm fucking fucking fucking bottom bottom
You know what I'm getting?
I'm this prox, I'm this prox, I'm this prox, I'm this pro much You know we're here
Really here, really, really
You know we're here
I miss you, I miss you
You know we're here
I miss you, I miss you
You