Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Made in America

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

Paul Virzi, Forrest Shaw and Robby Slowick join us to chat about shit that's made in America, pussy guns, guns in pussies, American made guns in American grown pussies and anal polyps! Very light and fun topics! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the Planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast, no rules. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's hilarious. Can I get a microphone? What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions.

I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. I want to host a Nazi motherfucker. I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect some of these lines. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on lightcast.com.

I Do it all the time you always talk. I'm sorry. I'll let you intro Wow Eight years I've been open in the show eight years I do an intro and you went into something about Instagram What are you fucking Ray Romano? I don't know it Instagram's crazy Welcome to the YKWD what what oh you need the thing YKWD You know what did fucking show the original comic gang the mother fucking that started it all go fuck yourselves Hey, we're gonna get together and yeah, I did it. I did it. I'm the one who fucking did it We had ups and downs

All right But now we're fucking back up on an up. We've been up for a long time. Yes. Yeah, we have fucking Zach, the new guy. Zach. Doesn't say much, but he fucking does a lot. That's the way I like it.

We got fucking Mushi Mike, Mexican from San Antonio. Keeping it real. We ain't sending our Mexican back. Take that wall down motherfucker. And then we got fucking Gabby. Hey. The motherfucker. That's what I call Gabby, the motherfucker.

Cause she don't fuck around. Yeah, she's hot. Yeah, she's cute. He calls me hot at the start of every episode. And I love it. You know what? She's fucking, she don't fuck around, dude. She don't fuck around, I'm gonna do this and then it's done.

And she's like, what, what, what, when you're gonna do it, you're gonna do fucking you, how can shit? That's what you want, right there. I'll go get it, I'm mother fucker. She's gonna be working here for two more weeks. She's gone, guaranteed. She books a fucking sitcom, a go-carcy-warner. Fucking replacement for Roseanne.

I guarantee she's the new Roseanne. Bobby's coming in. I would just see fucking straight out of Compton before. Now he fucking beat the fucking e to the eckie. Fucking hanging out. One of the fucking, I mean literally the hottest girls I've ever seen in my life. And she's sweeter than pie. She's like, when you're walking by in the country field and there's weed all around you and there's butterflies and then you look in the window, there's a pie

and the old lady's hands just put it in there and now she's, look at her. She's sweet, oh my God, it makes you feel good. It's cool too, man. So we're here, YKWD, let's introduce the guests. We're gonna get right into it. First of all, because my mother fucking, the mother fuckers here, the other mother,

the guest of all, the dude who fucking never fails. Oh, don't set me up, Bobby. Not you. No. No. Fucking egotistical cocks. I got you. No, you were looking at a wild.

I'm looking at you, but you're right in front of me. I'm talking about my pal over here. Can we introduce everybody? Yeah. Let's do it. We have Paul Verzi. Mm-mm, mm-mm. Oh, we don't go this way.

We go this way. I'm going to tell you one thing. Yeah. We always switch sides. What? Sometimes we go this way. Yeah. And you know who makes that decision?

You. I love it. I love it. decision? You, I love it. I love it. I love it. To me. Okay, we have forest jaw. Hey. Back again.

Yeah, no. You were here before. No, we opened for me. Yeah, yeah. We were in Arizona. There was a lot of pressure on you right now. Yeah, as a middleer. So, no, I'm kidding.

He was fucking killing it all week. Arizona. What was that the stand-up life? Uh stand-up live. Yeah, I loved that place. In saying club places. Awesome. I love it there. What a great club great little in the hotel is right across the street Yeah, they stop putting the medals up there So there's a condo there and then you got to take a train to the club pretty. Yeah, that's free. Paul, free train. I'm staying in that. I stayed in the hotel much and then I got here in this condo or by the way, but you stay with all these college kids that Arizona State and there's like keg parties afterwards. So yeah, it's made up my alley. It sounds good for a dad. So she loves to do that. Yeah, who invited their uncle? So that happens. Yeah, that's great. Who else do to their uncle. So that happens to me.

That's great. Who else do we got? We have Robbie Slowag. Robbie. I don't even fucking know. Jess met tonight. That's so bad. You literally fucking,

Virzy Donnie Brasco, you in. Yeah. So fucking, you know, you don't know how, you get taken out of feast. You go, go, right in the back of the head tonight. I thought you knew it

But you know Casey who you know Casey my my girlfriend Casey Ballstrom She's done the show a few times. Yes. Yes. I know that you girl. Oh, yeah, I don't know. I love Casey Fantastic me too. She has the one with the sweaty pits. Yeah, that's the what's a picture of her Yeah, yeah, I love that. I mean, it's so funny that photo No, it is because girls never want to show this sweaty pants, but she has a photo. I didn't know that I've heard a lot about you from her too. Oh, there we go.

I didn't believe her though. Yeah, you hear better stuff from Verzy for sure. No, you're gonna have this kid. He's fucking hilarious then. But that's why I'm like, all right, bring him in. He's like, what? I was like, Tom will come in, so I'm glad you're here. Thank you.

Welcome to the fucking show. And of course. Paul Verzy. Verzy. Verzy. Thank you. Welcome to the fucking show. And of course Paul Verzy Verzy. Thanks for having me back, Robby. Really? Yeah. What do you think I was not? You go I'm gonna tell you to say right now, Gab. Ready? And I don't give this out too much. Colin has it. Vos has it. David Tell has it. Keith Robinson has it. Verzy has it. Com Tull has it. Keith Robinson has it. Versi has it. Comp Blanche.

Oh wow. That's a, that's a, I wish we had a crown. We do. Oh, shit. No, I don't want to, I don't want to, put the,

put the leg on your head. Vaney, look at that. Who's dick looks like that? Very vast. That's the looks of him was melted. That's Lewis's replica dick. That's a fucking Louis J Gomez there. Can I just say something to you?

Yeah. Thank my wife and my kids, and I had such a great time at your party. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to put myself through. That's your transition off of Lewis's dick? Well, he was there. Uh.

That was a good transition. You know what? You know, you stand corrected. You're fired transition. Make complete. I mean, this guy was cooking steak tips, garlic sausage, hot dogs, hamburger. He had everything. Let's step back a little bit.

I'm going to bring you back a little bit. I do this party. You guys don't know. I do this party since I moved up to Westchester Patrice used to do parties back in the day At his house. We always to go there unlike you know, Philadelphia more of the weekend Patricia to these awesome barbecues and his fucking driveway because he lived in a townhouse So it's just in the he wasn't a backyard. It was just his garage and that he put a Table out in a in the driveway

That's kind of what you did over in Jersey City, right? And the black people. But anyways, he did that thing. We all went. And then it was like a tradition. It was just to go to Patrice's barbecue. He passed, suck, fuck, unfortunately. And I moved up to Westchester, the best jester.

At this backyard, I redid the whole thing. I'm like, I'm gonna start doing a barbecue. Cause I think it's important for comics to hang out outside of this shit. I think it's important. Cause when you do podcasting, you do these fucking comedy shows and you're out at the club.

It's all comedy comedy, comedy, comedy, and it's kind of, whether you're not being competent in a competitive you are, who's going up next? How did you do? how did they do, what do you got, what jokes, when you go to a comic, like when you're out and you're at some of these house, it's a different vibe.

You just get along, you're just who you really are as a human, not as a comic. And I think it's important. So I started doing these things around five years going Max's birthday party, slash comic barbecueque and it was a because I collided my World still because I had my neighbors I'm in the first year was my neighbor Dolores and Bailey J and then fucking you know all comics. Yeah, I remember and then my mom You know who didn't know Bailey J was a trans just like she was was like, I love your trust Bailey was like, thank you.

You do all the grilling? But here's the thing I do all Speaking of grilling. Oh, shit. Wow. You are the best. That's a transition. Wow. Well listen That was a real good transition because she sang it She made her own jingle thinking goes thinking of grilling. I actually have these and I'm so excited to use these on my next barbecue. I wish I had I wish I fucking had them here. I wish I next barbecue I'm putting these on I can't wait to use these things. Father's Day is right

around the corner and you were dead. Oh no no, you were dead. No, you're a dead. Yes. Zach, do you have a coming to girl and leave it? Good the sound guy doesn't really kill it here at the YKWD. I don't do that again. Stigital. Do that back! Shannon doesn't fuck around. Anyways, Father's Day is right around the court. Have you looking for a great gift? Because it's hard to shop for a dad.

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What you're about to get into because verzy I don't fuck around. No, I can I could say that you don't I Could say that first hand man great.com just enter the coupon code dad 18 that's dad 18 and you see okay when it comes to cooking not all grills are created equal and no matter what you're currently using the man great will change it for the better 100% American made god bless America right now America right now. Steve. America. Steve. I guess Steve is a.

Is that the Steve Vow? Says I bought eight man greats moved across the country left the grill took my man great Steve. Yeah, he's a fuck. Yeah. 100% American made the same Steve. Oh, or is it just a Steve?

We just weird. It was another guy in the Steve. Oh. He weird. They showed it was a bald red head. He was. Billy Burr's weird. If they showed it was a bald red head, he was just, was Billy Burr's brother. 100% American made and designed to fin a top

of any grilling service. Look at, American made to me means something. I don't know about you. What about you? Does that mean something to me? All right, I'm just checking. Test one, please. What does it mean?

You can't just say it means something. That means we made it. That means a job in this country. That means somebody took home a job and I'm not just saying why people, maybe it's whoever the fuck it was, had a job and they took it home. It's all here.

We're not outsourcing to everything. Everything is fucking made in China. Every toy my kid got said China on it. Well, I had an American flag shirt made in China. Listen, I don't give a fuck of it from America. If it's not good, I don't care. America, I tried to do the American thing, and it almost killed me.

Yeah. Okay, it almost fucking killed me. Can I finish this ad before you're ruined it? Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah, hell wait. I didn't realize that you had done it. That's something, too. I'm very close to you.

Fuck it. Fuck America. What? What? Almost! I'm very close to you. You about to fuck a tattoo with my father. Fuck America. What? What? Almost. I think that's it. Woo.

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next time I'm so excited nice where are you using them next on my grill I'm over to barbecue again. Okay. Yeah, you're invited. It's gonna be a lower key bar. No kids. Well, here's my thing about. I'm all for like America getting and creating jobs and shit.

And I wanted to do that. And when I bought a car in 2000 and, I don't know, nine, eight, 10, whatever, I bought a Pontiac truck. Oh my God. Because it was white and it had like cream leather. And that's all in Italian. I'm out of town. I'm Pontiac truck. Oh, my God. Because it was white and it had like cream leather and that's an Italian. I'm out of alcohol. We're all out.

This is Pontiac. Nobody fucking buys Pontiac. I was just like, I said, this is a fucking, this was over a decade ago. Doesn't matter. No, you don't buy a car with the word, I'll be in the dirt. I'm beginning up with it.

I was at a Buick Pontiac fucking Lincoln dealership. Whatever it was, right? I love the, I see a white Buick Pontiac Covette Lincoln Mercedes dealership. It was, no, it was, it was, it was right I love the white you would Pontiac, Corvette Lincoln Mercedes dealership it was no it was it was it was American right Like and no it was Yeah, the one on the left I thought that's where you used to make fucking great cars what car did you get? I had a Pontiac torrent Why would who would buy a tauren? Can I tell you what happened? I mean, you're judging, I didn't even get to tell you what happened.

I'm sure you know what? It's the white one. And white, it was really nice leather, white nice leather. You got a tauren? Yeah, yeah, so listen. The logo stinks. Yeah, I know, I know. Listen what happened.

I go, yeah, it's actually, it was pretty nice inside to be honest. That's like an SUV. It's an SUV. Yeah, it was an SUV, but here's what got me. It had clean leather and I like white and it just was, I on the lot with like You know when you're like I might buy something But probably not and then the guy was like you like this white one with the cream and I was like yeah And he just kept knocking money down and then I was like I can't do it now And I walked away and they gave me this insane price

I got the under I get this I don't know what the fuck it was but I got a lot of shit. Yeah, I got a lot of shit and I was doing city steam. I was doing fucking and I wanted to buy American purposely It was either gonna be Chevy or this fucking thing, but I got talked into this thing and I'm driving home from city steam on Route 84 after show and there's a monsoon There's a fucking monsoon this car's two years old and I'm driving home and there's no shoulder I was on 84 where it's narrow in two lanes and it is downpouring and all of a sudden I hear 84 where it's narrow in two lanes and it is downpouring and all of a sudden I hear this isn't and my fucking windshield wiper goes out the driver side one and I just can't see so now I'm leaning over to the right and I'm just going with the right one and and there's fucking 18

wheelers going past me and I'm just singing my fucking kids my son was newborn over that I'm freaking the fuck out and I just, and both go out. And now I have a fucking fountain of water. I had to, in a monsoon, stick my head out of the fucking window, like Ace Ventura, going like this with 18-wilters flying by. I couldn't even, my fucking stupid face is just getting stopping wet. I love that I know what a,

when a windshield wave of dies, I know the sound now. Yeah, the shitty motor that they have in it, I know what a scare. I want to win she away, but dies. I know the sound now. Yeah. Yeah. The shitty motor that they have in it, just because, and it just fucking dies. And it like tried to do one more, and then just fucking dies. And I'm, and I'm, yeah, they got the fucking, they know. Well, it's the fuck it's like the sound. I can't like the sound.

I love it enough to do the last fucking one. Dude, I was, I was with you. I still with me. I appreciate you. I did it with you and, and I'm cursing this fucking place, dude. And my face is out the window and I can't get on. And I can't get on. And I had to see that there were no headlights and just fly over to an exit.

And I almost flew off the road, but I had to get off. And it was brutal. And I'd go in the next day and I'm like, I'm done. You fuck out, I went into Buick and I just started yelling at the guy and I said, I don't, this has never happened before. This is, you know, I don't know what to tell you. And I'm like, well, and he was just like,

I can't catch you out of the lease because of something like this and it was a fucking nightmare. You had a so that night car? I had to keep the car. How long? Probably like until the lease was up. Probably in the years. Probably in the year.

No, probably another year. Yeah, he was like, look, this has never happened before. Will, will fix this fucking thing for you. I'm sorry. Did they fix it? Yeah, they fixed it. I kept the car and then after that, I went Japanese. I went, camera, camera, and now I got the Lexus.

So I'm never, so there you go. I'm not, it's, it's not for what's stuck enough. I understand you, but here's the thing though. You can't fucking do that with cars. Because everything is made out, everything, even Japanese. Look, can I do a car? So you can, cars are different. What different what why is it still American jobs? It still goes what you're talking about Okay, but but a lot of the Toyota parts are made here

Yeah, and you know that thank you and built here. Did you know that well then we're doing a good thing I got I got Honda's a great car, but they're assembled and built here. A lot of the parts and stuff are built here. Now, when they first came out back in the day, it was a factory in Japan. They were hustling them all with fucking Godzilla in the background. But too much, I know. I was just scratching. I just wanted to fucking stuff in a Godzilla joke.

I didn't know. I like that attempt. Just throwing it in. I was like, no, I didn't know. I was like, fuck a force hit. I'm gonna explain it to you left. I'm kind of retarded, I know. I said retarded. I'm getting fired from nothing.

Yeah, dude. I'm talking about like toys, stuff in your house, you know, things that you can get built in America, you know, like the man great. I think that's it. I think that's all I'm talking about. I think the only thing that has built in America that I like is the man great. He's got a man great and everything else

has made in Japan. What toys can you buy that are made in America? I can't think of one toy, the Nerf. Nerf guns? Yeah, the Captain America one. Well, the Nerf gums aren't taking it. Nerf really American coming. I have no idea.

You pull up American toy, but he knows it. No way Nerf no American. No, I don't know. I'm not that stupid. Yeah, I'm not a Bobby Settin' Compton. And you know what it works? We all know it's the one.

Oh yeah, Nerf. Sure, sure, sure. That's a Trump-tuff. That's a Trump-tuff. That's a Trump-tuff. That's a Trump-tuff. Trump does that, that's the true, it's true. If I doing Trump impressions?

Nerf, it doesn't even sound American. Nerf. Nerf. Yeah, there's no way. I get to keep nothing. I get the economics of buying American. I get that. But when anyone tells you that everything made in America is better,

it's like, there's a bunch of idiots. Can I stop for a second though you're wrong? Because back in the day it was. When we were making, we were the ones making shit. Other people weren't, Japan and China weren't making toys. They weren't making all the shit they were making guns. They weren't making cars.

They didn't, we did all that shit. So when we first made all that stuff, it was fucking epic. It was insane, because we made it with, you know the first light bulb, the guys came out, they're like, oh, this will last like 25 years, they were like, go back. They go back, you know why? Make it break in a month.

Make it break in like six months. Why, this is the best engineering ever. We need, how are we gonna make money? If shit don't break, and that's what happened with America, they fucking slacked off, they wanted you to buy parts, they wanted you to, and Japan was like, go fuck yourself. We're just gonna make an awesome car, that, cause we have so many people,

we are in China, they were fucking, let's just make great shit. Yeah, no, it's true. It's like, it's better. Like a Toyota Camry in Alexis, it's just a better, Japanese people make great shit. Let's just put it that way.

100%. The reset stalls, awesome. Sushi, great. The reason, the reason stuff was Bridges better awesome Coipons the fucking best Pokemon Good fucking I'm telling you right now me so soup the balls Eel imagine me and Bobby just sat here for two hours

All right, but I'm massage We don't know somebody knows too much about that. It's actually Korean Little Southern Island. We don't know what the fuck that is. Little Southern Island. Everything was made better back in the day because we made out of steel and iron and wood. And then when plastic came along,

that's when stuff started to be masterised. And then we're like, China sucks, but where did it come from? We made a plastic come from. It comes from outer space. For sure. For sure. No, I mean, yeah, obviously China learned how to make things cheaper with plastic and stuff. But yeah, I mean, look, China makes it cheap and we buy it and it's fucking this,

yummy toys I have. How many toys do you have that broke a day in and you still have them for some reason? Just garbage. Oh, my size every day, my son and daughter, they want something at Target or Walmart or whatever, you get it and it's just either broken or sitting there a day, a half a day later, it's fucking done. Just wasted money sitting there.

And we find out where nerfs from? When they were in front of one where nerfs is from. We will. Nerfs China for sure. I think I'm gonna nerf his, what do you think nerfs China, Japan, what's your money? I don't know, wait, wait, wait, stop.

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say Taiwan. Taiwan is nerf is what you think nervous China Japan with your money And I'm gonna say I'm gonna say Taiwan Taiwan is a nerf Taiwan Malaysia. I'm gonna say China. I'm gonna say Japan What's it from oh Is it see nice? What's from here? It's made it's American is a made he was right. I was right You guys punk me. It wasn't a stab in the dark. You walked me down in my fucking confidence. Bobby.

You all fucking keep at me. Nothing in the nerve. Fuck you, nerves. I never said fuck me. You just said no fucking. It's so much fun. You made it like an accent. Where?

Where? It's you enough. Oh. You were all after you said it. I said America and then you I have no confidence in anything I say you want to come on I guess you're I guess yeah, I guess you're right. Oh Bobby. I stand corrected bang bang fucking nerf great America Nerf company. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. is New Jersey. Oh, Jesus, Jersey trash. You're just proud of anything. Fried Oreos. Fucking Jersey.

Let's do the second read real quick, shall we? Right up front. Wow, you don't want to wait a couple minutes. Okay, we can. What is the second read? Zippercruder. It's Nerf. Nerf.

It's fucking American-made jobs. Nerf better fucking. You want to just get it out of the way. Yeah. Do you like of the way? Yeah. Do you like it like that? Sure. Damn. Damn.

That's exactly like that. Sorry, my wife. You like it, okay? I don't know. I'm not exactly with my wife, son. I want to therapy. Do you... Can I ask you, man?

You know what, I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start. Go. Yeah, somebody told me that. I just started. I just started. Therapy, can I start, am I right? Yeah, I was getting like panic attacks, anxiety attacks. We had a fight today in therapy, but it was about politics.

It wasn't. My fucking, my therapist is a fucking left wing, whole lunatic. He's, you know, Bernie Sanders, away left, and we started talking today about some shit. That is so funny that you go in there for help and you just start fucking arguing about it. Dude, I made him lose his shit. I put him on tilt how did you get the politics there? Everybody I don't know I'm like Bobby tell me about your father Well, he looks like very Democrat

It was I was kind of something like that. I was going to get I was trying trying to get a little something, something to eat before I went to the therapy because I felt peckish. And I wanted to do the health food store next door. And it's always filled with a bunch of chubby white ladies waiting to get a juice at lunch. And they just stand there on their phones. Like, are you in line or not? Make your order back to fuck out. You don't make your order and stay in line on your phone, so you look like a line. You know what I mean? So I'm sitting there waiting and I have to go, are you in line? Oh no, sorry.

No, you're not sorry, you fucking twat. You've been there and then you go to leave and they're standing in the doorway on their phones. And I'm like, excuse me, oh sorry. Do you really didn't realize it was a fucking human trying to get out of the fuck? You didn't feel my presence? Because I give him that three second, get the fuck out of the way. Time, you know what I mean?

Yeah. And I was just a bunch of, and I went up with this fucking attitude and I'm like, oh, these twats and the thing. And then I said something about Rosanne Sam and then I said something about I go and I was just like Trump's a fucking more I go who cares none of it matters to me I'm fucked. I'm fucked in my own little world

I'm fucked right and you want me to what? Make a sign? Yeah. I go, I was just like, why comics? The funniest people in the world to me right now are so violently angry every day on social media. They're just name calling and fat and content, fuck you. I'm like, what happened to funny? What happened to just going to go write a funny hour, put it on TV so we can laugh, and you know what I mean?

I don't know. And he was like, well, you have to do something. You have to do something. I'm like, no, I don't, I have to do shit. He goes, yes you do. And I was like, what the fuck am I? I'm trying not to fucking cheat on my wife. I'm trying not to jerk off too much to weird shit.

And I'm trying to be give my son values that I never had. Right. This is a therapist, a Martian from Bugs Bunny. That's the way. That's the way it is. That's the way it is. That's the way it is. Marvin the Martian.

That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending.

That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending. That's the never-ending.

That's the never-ending. That's the I didn't ask. I know I invented everything. I know Larry. I know. I know that guy. Yeah, I got it. I would never. I would never. You go to my guy. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I would never do that.

Okay, okay. That was the first one that was fucked up. So I actually went from Dustin Chaseman. Gateschaseman gave me the, but from me spawned a whole, I mean, he, he should give me money. The money he's made off of me. How long have you been going? 10 years.

But he screaming match in the fucking thing. Like, he's like, you need to fuck this guy. Fucking Trump. I'm like, dude, settle down. Why? Oh shit. I'm like, fucking, what's gonna change? What am I gonna do?

No, boy. That fucking, that's where the world's fucked. Is it really? Yeah, was it? And then anyone, listen, you know, I can, we shouldn't do this. You have like 10 minutes left. You have to get a little tired. Talk about sex, I wanna know.

I mean, is this a good impression? I was just saying, you know what I'm saying? It's actually pretty solid. Now I know who it is. You know, how you go to? Yeah, I do. I've pretty solid. Now I know who it is. You just know that I'm actually. How you going to? Yeah, I do. I've only been going for like about three months now. Oh really?

I was always very resistant. Casey was like, you need... Did she go to him or not? No, no, no, no, she doesn't go to him. But she like, no, she doesn't go to that office at all. But she goes out of somewhere random, I don't know. I took my wife to with me one time. What a fucking clusterfucked.

I ended that immediately. To him, yeah, we went in as a couple, a couple's therapy at the beginning. And it's like, you guys have the, you have the option of just fucking ballin' up. You know what I mean? You know, one question, you know. So Don, how do you feel about what Bobby,

when he says those things? Yeah, I don't time it. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm like, hold on, I'm wrong. You're right. I'm sorry. I fucked up. No, he's just fucking. If I got, if I could open my emotions up like that and ball, I'd fucking win every time too. Yeah, that's true. My kid would think I'm a pushwack, but I'd fucking. What?

I was talking to somebody recently, I was like, could you imagine if a guy just well-dumped? I just, I just fucking, it's the thing that you should do that bit. Because that's the way a female can get away with it a little more, right? Don't say it like that. Oh my god, it would confidence. No, but it's true. That's the way a female can get away with it a little more, right? Don't say it like that. I'm like, I'm going to say it with confidence.

No, but it's true. Like, that's the way you get away. Like, when my wife would just march upstairs and cry, Oh, you got it. And I can't win. You can't win. I can't win. I'm not crying.

And then me yelling is me crying. Yeah. Me yelling or like wanting to throw something. That's me crying. I know. But I can't just be like, fucking, I'm going to Mike's. I can't just look at it. You know, they go to their mother.

This is why you make me want to eat I'm trying to a couple times where you just let let the one on cry and just like yeah I'm just gonna like tough this one out and it's it's undoable you can't do it like it's on a minute later you're like I'm wow my the biggest piece of shit ever I was just like yeah keep crying like that I just want to go what are you in first grade Oh What do you fuck what are you in first grade? Ryan, what are you, fuck, what are you, a child? She is.

That's the wrong thing. That's not the right thing. I'm so like, oh fuck. Back, he liked it. She's like, yeah, back. I'm gonna say that to me. I am in the first grade. Well, Crady, you and Mr. Verzy.

I'm sorry, I took it to fly. Yeah. I was marching to the town. I was like, I took it to fly. I was marching the two. I was like, I am, yeah, it's a fucking weird thing, man. You can't, are crying, are fucking flipping out our anger. Where did that come from? Where you just, our anger became our tears. What is that? I don't like, I don't like the threads.

That's what it is. It's such a horrific thing to say. Punching is how you get rid of your, uh, your sadness. This is my tears. This is my tears. Come down. Punch on me and thank you for something. Like that's me crying right there. That's it. Except it's being in a Walmart. Well, not this is my, I cry like this bitch. My wife is just fucking bawling. I've only made my wife cry a couple times, not too many, thank God.

My wife said, tough, your wife too, she's tough. Yeah, it takes, my wife will just walk away. My wife will start to, you know, she starts to get upset. She, her and my son are similar, where they walk away from a, when they're upset, like my son will walk in his room, close the door, my wife will kind of walk away because they need to process it and then me and my daughter are like, no, no, no, it's gotta happen now.

We're getting it all out of the fucking table. I need it out now. Just lay the cards out, let's fix it now, because I can't, because here's the thing, I can't hug you later, I can't hug you. I can't hug, I don't wanna hug you until it's fucking done. Like I don't, you know how they like just hug when it's over? It's like, no, no, no, no, we're still fighting.

We never fixed this. Like, you know what I mean? Like going in the over? It's like, I'm not on a, we're still fighting. We never fixed it. You know what I mean? Like going in the battle in the Civil War, you're just like going straight ahead. Like just like that. We didn't fix the problem to hug or kiss or do that. You know, I need to figure it out.

Yeah, that's all right. I'm just like, yeah, we're going straight ahead, bullet's flying. I don't, yeah, it's gonna end now. My wife, my wife, yeah. But I'll come out like, I've done her way, my wife left. I didn't, we didn't work out, I just left. And I'll come back later, she's like, but I'll come up like I've done her way. We've left I Wait, I didn't we didn't work out. I just left and I'll come back later. She's like hey, what's up? I'm like yeah

What yeah, yeah, you know you haven't been thinking about it every second for the last three hours You haven't fucking talked to yourself for an hour in the car. Yeah, I'm a fucking screaming that a rearview mirror Well you in it you talk what you think you're gonna do that You think you're gonna fucking you fucked up not me and you can't admit it that's your problem You don't say sorry at least I say sorry. I fuck up. I'm the fuck up. I do it. You don't change You don't have to do I got a therapy. I got a fucking meeting. I talked to my friends, but you you're fucking Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it all the time I do it all the time imagine the next guy that's gonna be around my kids going I will fucking I will kill you if you touch my children like because that's my fear I always said that that's I've always said that my biggest

fear isn't so much divorce okay if I get divorce I get divorced I just always said that I don't want my kids waking up one morning eating pancakes with some guy named Phil who that is my fucking you know and then, Phil throws the ball like this. It's like, no, no, I can't have that. Dude, I've had arguments in cabs with cab drivers. Why are you whisperin'? That don't exist. Like not the cab driver driving me.

On the way to therapy. Oh, literally, in my head going, fuck you, I don't fuck, I go well, you've dropped me off where I want to get dropped off. If I say the left side, you fucking drop me off on the left side. Dude, I'm a fucking mental patient. Dude, I did this. Do you ever do this? Do you ever do this? Do you ever have an argument? Jevil, you're good. You have a fucking. You have a fucking. You have a fucking call somebody and you call them. It's not ringing. You forget that you call them.

You start fucking having the argument with somebody. You start going, fuck, fuck that. You don't fuck it. And they go, hello. And you go, hey, I just can't. Who are you talking to? I can honestly say, no, that one I have. I know, I know, I know you go hey, I just can't We talking to I honestly say no that one That one listen I was with you with the imaginary shit, but no I wasn't I wasn't with you with the by yourself screaming I can tell me nerf from China

Motherfucker I've literally called people up and I've been fucking screaming at some like fuck you dude Waited the person you're calling or somebody else? No, I've had it both ways. I've had it the person I'm calling like this gonna be an argument Oh, and I'm about to have it and then they pick up and they're like hey, dude, and I'm like hey Talking to I do I was just working out. I thought somebody I was working on a scene. I'm a piece of shit. I really am a fuck this week at the barbecue. God damn it. I don't know if I should tell this. I mean how you how you got to tell it now. Yeah, you got to tell it now. It's part of the laws of podcasting.

These are laws. Why was I not that fucking meat? They're modynamics and podcast. I'll probably start a podcast. I mean, right? First one to go to this guy kind of, I mean, kind of you were definitely in it early. I remember I mean, look at look back. Well, what was the first podcast? There's got to be something that was the first podcast. Um, I don't know name it.

Well, I don't know. Something like Keith and something Keith Keith Keith in the girl. Was that the first day? Well, they were up there. But I mean, I think I was before them. Oh here we go. Did it was it? Seacock is New Jersey Adam Curry. I didn't gain cook you just start recording stuff into his phone. That was me. Okay. All right. I did me and Colin did it and then Dane did it Madonna and that was one of Bobby's imaginary conversation himself. I fucking told him.

Hello, I'll never mind him. Anyways, well, anyways, so at the party, you know, I get these dumb steak tips every fucking time. I get them every year I've been getting these steak tips. These big bags of steak. By the way, my wife who doesn't eat them was fucking raving about them. She loved them.

She loved them. If you don't fucking, I'm trying to, I'm literally going to my mission. One of my missions in life. Yeah. Okay. One of my goals in my career in my life is to get Dom's stakedips in New York. Everybody in New York City to know what a Dom's stakedip is. Because they, I know it, know you don't. I've had, know you haven't. I know we've had, I went to, know you didn't.

Yeah. Where are they from? Boston. Yeah, I have no idea what is it. Maldives, Massachusetts. It's ridiculous. It's go to Dom's stakedips. Dom's stakedips, Maldives, Maldives, Maldives, Doms, Sossages, and,

Dom's Sossages, Maldives, Massachusetts. Dude, they're unfuckin' believable. So anyways, I call this guy. He's actually gonna be partin' on what the show. He's gonna be giving away one pound bag of steak tips to listeners to the YKWD, okay? Because I want these motherfuckers, I want everybody to know about these things, right? My fans included. So we're partnering together, I'm gonna be doing this thing with them. I go, my father brings them from Boston every year. My father and mother drive up, pick up the stick tips

the day before, put them in a cool drive up, two garlic and cheese sausages, how good were those? That was the one thing I, remember I bit it. He bit it. I couldn't eat, because I had a colonoscopy the next day, so I couldn't eat anything. So I took a piece, I bit it, and I chewed it for a little bit.

And then I let this much, and then I just put it in an napkin and pop it He goes what do you a model? It's an event or holyfield that he would do before fight to just chew on steak I actually thought about making a whole plate and just chewing chewing and it's just spitting it out That's how I would have put you in the bathroom I'm just in the shed looking at the window There's too many five year olds around you be teaching them how to that's I eat Untrained fucking nine kids

Yeah, you eat like fucking goats It's guy had a fucking Ben and Jerry station with gummy bears and shit. I just had to watch I went to a book you your house. You did? Yes like a year ago Aaron Berg was like he invited He invited me, but what he was like can I ride in your car? You know can you drive me to a bar? I know you We met at your place for minutes, but you were hosting you were running around the lot of people that you at my You went to the comics barbeque. Okay, you went. Oh, that was a fucking that was a crazy one Dolores. Let me use the pool Okay, yeah, but I went over and it was all green from the algae because they didn't clean it.

So I quickly cleaned it. No wonder why she let you use it. I just know, usually it's clean, but something happened with the thing. So I quickly just went in and scrubbed all the fucking algae off. So it just looked like a kind of green pool. Instead of algae, everybody jumped in. And I would jump in.

Yeah, you never, you never mentioned that. Big J. Big J and Lewis. What's the fun? Yeah, I know again. Well, that's probably heal whatever they have. Pool algae, fucking, clean themselves to those fucking things and eat it. Yeah, dude, they fucking Joe list. They Lewis, they took Lewis's clothes off because he he doesn't change Inside he has to get naked outside. Oh, that's right. He was like running naked through your front yard So they took his they took not mine Dolores's she's fucking 80 my neighbor

So there's a Puerto Rican running down the driveway naked with a fat big J and then that neighborhood They're not loud Once a week Yeah, there's a sound in the back. I'm going, the Laura looks almost Tuesday. Can you take care of the dandy lions? Oh shit. It was a crazy barbecue.

Yeah. So anyways, we had, we, what the fuck? Oh, Domstake tips. Fucking unbelievable. So anyways, we had, what the fuck did he, what were we, oh, Dom's take tips, fucking unbelievable. But anyways, I look in the bag and I panic, I think it's five small bags. I literally call Dom, the guy, the owner. I'm like, dude, I got 60 people coming.

I got fucking, I don't have enough things. He's like, the guy who's gonna drive to New York, that's how solid this guy is. He was gonna drive to New York. Which one is it? Which guy is it? I don't want to get them, they're all, that's his. That's his. That's his.

Let's scroll down. He's got in the middle of the scroll down. Let's scroll down. There's the arm right there. Oh, okay. So anyways, what a fucking, he's like, I'll be there in three and a half hours. I'll bring him, I'm so sorry.

So, I mean, what a fucking family. Look at that stuff. Maltedella, fresh baked breads. There's the steak tips right there. Dude, look at that sandwich. Shit. That's steak tips. We're really something. Yeah. Well, you didn't have any. I did. I had him at the McGregor. Oh, you had him at the, yeah, you had him, but you didn't have him. No, I had him, but I didn't have, I didn't have him at the point.

I felt so bad for this guy. You know, it was really nice about what you did. Well, he was fuck on me at first He would be like everyone's in the backyard party and he would go all right the food's ready Errol the meat ready except for Versi right everybody would just left and then finally did it a second time And he just goes I just feel bad now. I don't want to do this anymore That's how fucking horrible it was dude like it was really and I saw what's his name Ian fucking I don't know how to say is it for dance to say Ian dance Yeah, I don't know what it stinks. Yeah, yeah, it's like stop being exotic popping around this fucking whatever that is The three studious yeah, he's got and he's just going fucking goes first you just get the fuck out of here man

What are you doing to yourself? And he's got gummy bears on his fucking lips? He's a sweat hog Yeah, he's just he just reminds me of a sweat hog. I mean you had so much great food there. It was really tough dude We found it if I didn't care if it wasn't you I would have been like states that we got it We got it should have rescheduled your colonoscopy. I almost did I actually no I actually considered I was talking to Nick Toppolo about I was like should I just get it done the next week And so it was like you you're gonna re-schedule and make your procedure. Because I think I fucking stink tips. I was like, you didn't try that garlic fucking sauce.

I just, that was that. I mean, he had a sausage that was just exploding and cheese protruding out of it. It seems perfectly reasonable. I never seen something like it. It just cheese would just fucking dripping out of it. It seems, it's in. Parts?

Frequently reasonable, a re-schedule, a surgery for that. In my opinion, I mean, I can't, I'm a fat guy, but whatever, that's the... First, you was looking at my show like I had porn on an iPad. Oh, one point I just, it got sad. I was just sad. I was just looking around like, I feel bad, I'm here. You know?

Years ago, what you had had maybe knee surgery. Yeah. And I worked with the Miami M Provincial Fee member, but then we went to Puyo Tropical. Yep. And you filmed this? Do you remember this? Yeah, I still up on the internet somewhere. It was one of my fats.

I think it was my fourth fat. And we went there and you ordered every meat and then just told me to drop you off. You didn't share any with me. And then you filmed yourself eating it. You ordered every meat at the end. That's my dump. Puyo Tropical. I meat at the time. That's fucked up. Poio tropical, Miami Russia, that's point, I don't know what.

Well, it's funny because we were talking about that in therapy that food is my sex now. Food, you know, when I stopped drinking, using drugs, I picked up, you know, when I was in my 20s, sex was my thing, it was my go-to fucking high. You know, meeting a girl and phone around and doing all kinds of... I was never a...

I was a piece of shit, but I was a romantic. You know what I mean? I liked... Yeah. I would have... I wouldn't just treat you like a piece of ass. I would make you my girl, but I'd have a couple of other... I was a piece of shit, but I was a romantic... I was...

She's shit on my chest, but then I let her rub it. I never like shit. I I was a real man. I was shit on my chest, but then I let her rub it I never like shit But I did get in the pee I P in the shower I watch the this is hard. I watch the peed you brought it up hang on. I know I brought it up my mistake. It came out He said it with a lot of purpose. I said it with lust Have you ever been peed on no, I'm sorry, so you're fucking slutshame in me now

Have you been peed on no have you Yours she literally leaned into it She actually he did a lot of calculating There's also that I didn't say to it. He did it we're in a shower. I mean who knows I didn't know he it, he did it. We're in a shower. I mean, who knows? I didn't know. No, I never been peeing. We were talking about that. I'm not going to bring a bit. I'm doing a bit on fetishes, where I just don't understand

some of them. And the pee thing I get, the pee thing I get, like, I don't do it, and I've honestly never done it. Anytime, like, if you do the pee thing, and it's not in the shower, don't you have to like, put shit down. Like, somebody was saying they had to fucking like go shopping for a raincoat. You know what I mean, ours? I'm talking to the pee. You have to like put shit down like somebody was saying I had to fucking like go shopping for a raincoat like you know I mean I'm not a coat yeah defeat the purpose

that's the reason for it's like we're in a rubber yeah just don't get don't get beat on it it just depends I think because I don't depends that me get it oh that's home ride fucking chip it It seems like I've never done it But it seems like it would have been it'd be like nice and warm, you know, apparently you did it Well, I mean, I know piss is warm. What if you live in Arizona? Then it's just too hot I was I was living Canada you might like it I was in Mexico and then we ended up having dinner with like some people that we had met the night before to bar and that this one couple got up and came back and they just

said, they're like, yeah, we went to the bathroom and he just pissed on my pussy and then we're back at the table. What did she have something on it? No, just like that. She spilled a sauce. That's what they did. She got that by a jellyfish? Pist on her.

I don't know. She stood over the toilet and he pissed on it and honey I got guacamole on my snatch. The napkins not doing it. I got you. Also we just met you by the way we're having dinner and I was like okay nice. Pist on my pussy. But it kind of was a turn on when she put a set it I was like okay I can see I've got to into it now like you put it that way. She was good luck. I was like, I got it. Yeah, that's hilarious. Is this Becky.com? What is that? What was that? What was that?

You guys wanted to know about P-Play stuff. I love you. Pill that. Yeah, but what was that thing? It was P and played. No, it was a, it looked like a vagina with a hole that water squirts out of. Yeah, it looked like something you do for a drug test. You put someone else's urine in this fake vagina

and you had piss it out. I think it might be for girls that want to pee. Yeah, well, yeah. Also, they can get a stream going. Get a shot. Forward motion. Have you ever done it, dude? Oh, there we go.

Like in the shower, like, screwing with each other. You know, like jokingly peeing. Like no one was getting any sexual pleasure from it. It's just like, I can't even put that on my screen. What was that? I can't show put that on my screen. What was that? I can't show that. I'm going to get flacked. Oh my God, that was the fucking, that was the most realistic cock I've ever seen in my

life. That was, that was crazy. I got distracted by Robbie's story. So you were saying you and your dad used to pee on each other in a child. We're close family. What, do you have an infection? Sound good over here. You got done by jellyfish.

Come on. Was that a hornet sting? Come here. Was that poison ivy? Come here for a second. Stand over by the toilet. It cares everything. Honey, get me a schlitz.

No, the warm one You got a cold you know what here's a cold you got a pee in a cold Why you peed on you girl? Yeah, she peed on me, but like jokingly in a shower the way you'd squirt Someone with a water gun, you know like I'm just fucking with you were both in a shower I just know like this is we're turned on by this wait, but if a woman is standing up I love that he is like no like we joke We didn't mean it if I pissed my wife if I pissed him over if she's fucking punch me with it Joke you fucking

Yeah, we shouldn't each other. We didn't. It was a good year. I was a goof. I had my friends. We fuck our friends. It was a goof. I took a lax in it. It was a goof. I shittin' their box. And I was joking. She was in a hammock. What are you gonna do?

It was a perfect shit. We're comics. We like violence. I put you in a face. It was a goof. What are you gonna do? What comics? I put you in the face of sucked the blood out that I pissed on a little Fucking you know verse I'm gonna stand I mean it. I mean it. Why I made it blow five black eyes I thought of all my friends and my father My father pissed at me in the top. It's a kid We're joking., where you going though? Come on guys, you know you know

So we say I tanked my audition for impractical joke are so hard you did now is like what the fuck are you doing? I'm like zipping up what I thought we thought we're gonna have a good time here I thought you shit on statues Guys I want you to go shoot on the statue What I shit pull your dick out in the fucking Take your dick out and put it on that little kid shoulder Hey, hey doing little guy You won

That's where that's going That's all we have left How many buffezed in you? There's a lot of shit though do it out there like I said on stage I'm doing this new fetish joke about and I asked somebody I was like, you know What are you into and one guy was just like one guy straight up, he was just sitting in the front at New York and he goes, bondage, dude, I meant to bondage and he was fucking like all about it. And he was just like, yeah, it's fun.

Like, don't knock it till you try it and shit. And I was, is that where you got like a rubber ball in your mouth? Is that me? No, is that what's bondage? Is that what you're talking to me? Like a bitch. It could be. I mean, they're, yeah, what is bond?

I don't know what bondage fully is. Is it like leather? It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like I'm tied up. Yeah being tied up. Okay, there you go. Becky's crumbling right now Oh, we cannot Get off image shirts Somehow that looked the same You were from bondage to like the stink tips and like

I'm filling up here in my chair you're just fucking you're just fucking bondage what are you trying to do? I was like a woman's glam and I'm fucking perjude Louis Center over the fucking take the show down bondage is the practice of

consensually tying diamond or extruding a partner for erotic, okay, there you go. Yeah, have you been tied up, Cap? No. Never. Vers? No, have not. No, you really, you'll piss us on your shit.

I was joking, I'm not gonna hit you with a joke. He knows about the comment, start the hang, that's what I mean. I just thought I was a weird goof. Did I have a win break, right. Did I have a win break right? I'm not a tie-up nut. What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut. What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut. What are you doing?

What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut. What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut. What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut. What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut.

What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut. What are you doing? I'm not a tie-up nut, what are you gonna wear it? He's gonna fucking tie that bitch up, but throw it out of flight and stay there as a joke, because one of the funniest things I've ever had, so great. Oh, my God. Have you ever done bondage? I mean, not with someone I was dating, you know. But. So, yes.

So, yeah. Have you done it? No. I've done it. Yeah. You haven't tied up? Was it like handcuffs? Or was like little feathery?

I was. I'm too, I'm too, I like to be dominated, but I can't, like I want somebody to dominate me, but they never had it in them. Bobby, you argue about anybody's had steak tips. Could you imagine in handcuffs? Do it the fuck. I don't know.

That's the problem. I risked his bleeding, you fucking cuck. Don't you dare. You was one of my 19 cameras, but don't fucking! I'll bite that ball in half, you fucking cunt! I'll eat that ball! I'll eat that fucking ball! It was a problem, is that?

I would... My ankle, you fucking cunt! It was a problem is that I would You're the first one right what first one ever to do bondage You're the first one on the show to take the bomb and Right on the microphone. Oh, yeah, that's a nice hot even Tyler. No, that was a smile. Keep it off for that one, too I am no, I like bondage back in the day. I But I just it is true that I can't I'm too like I would be like I would get into it and they would one girl fucking smack me And she dug her nails into me. It's like listen, okay, don't fucking I got a show Don't make marks

I'm at the seller all night you fucking fucking plot. You make a mark on my fucking money, man. I'm gonna break it. Pinky. You see Bobby with just a rake fucking. That happened. Did you address it? You just can't go with your material. You're like, it's fucking gross.

You know, like, you make it. No, I had one girl this girl, I dated for a minute. She liked to be tied up and we like to, we did scenarios a lot. She was really good at it. really good at really dirty scenarios. She was so good at role playing. I mean, what's in it? Give us a scenario.

One of them, she was at my house and she was at my apartment. I had roommates and stuff and she goes, I'm going to go in the bathroom. I want you to stay here for as long as you can and then just go use the bathroom. I'm your roommate's girlfriend. You don't know me. You don't know me. You just met me for the first time.

Sorry, you're good. And I, I, she goes, but I want you to come into the bathroom. I want you to come in like with your hog out, like out of your boxer shorts, like you have to piss. So I kind of, I waited 45 minutes. She was just in the bathroom for 45 minutes. Yeah, she said, wait as long as you can.

Okay. So that's as long as I could. I'm a fucking, I'm a good waiter. If I could say, wait. I think she meant like 10 minutes, maybe five. She was like, do I leave? She was down, Bobby. This is before cell phones though.

She was just in there with herself. You're so stubborn. She couldn't even make her wait overnight. She couldn't even Instagram story. She just didn't even look at her fucking shampoo bottles. She's like shit twice. Oh. So I got a shower wall on it. This guy's good.

So uh. Shit twice. Oh you motherfucker. I did. It was locked in hindsight. I Did it was long in hindsight I might have fucked up 27 years later Painter now She wants you to come in with your dick in your hand No, no, like I'm like this though like my dick is flopping out of my flopping out of my thing Still who does that? I didn't answer flopping out of my flopping out of my thing. Still, who does that?

I didn't even say flopping around. Who comes in that range? I come in a hot guy way. I've got to pick out that. Yeah, but that's you and your girlfriend playing around all the time. Piss on each other. You got to be ready.

I mean, dude, you have to suspend reality a little bit. I mean, it's not re, I mean, we're role-playing. What are you? I'm not really coming up. I know she's going to be there. I know her name. I mean, I'm going to, I'm going to, I have I know she's gonna be there. I know her name. I mean, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I have it hanging out a little bit.

45 minutes, too, though. Well, she wanted it hanging out a little bit. So when I walked in, there was an embarrassment moment. Well, I'm like, oh shit, you know what I mean? So I, like, are you created a beat in there? Like a fucking actor? You're like, I take a moment? Friend bearism and then go into it.

Bubba, I'm a great actor. I know. I'm great. It's beautiful. I open, I take a moment, for embarrassment, and then go into it. Bubba, I'm a great actor. I know. I'm great. It's beautiful. I opened, I kind of, I remember when I was, I got ready, I kind of took my dick, and I started jerking off a little bit to get it ready. And then I remember I, that's back when my dick hung.

I could hang it, it hung a lot. Like I didn't have to wear underwear. My dick was just hanging. You know, and I remember I had a... I had a... I'm confused, I want your dick dust now. Just sits. Okay, just kind of easy.

It's sits. It's kind of like in a cave looking out like... What's going on guys? What's out there you guys? I'm not coming out today. I'm tired guys. Yeah, my feed hurt I pulled the hay I pulled the vein last week. I'm just gonna hang in here with the balls We so I come out of the bed and I remember I kind of closed my eyes when I open the door choice acting choice nice Close my eyes, so I didn't want to see her.

You know what I mean? So I opened, I had my dick in my hand, I'm like, oh, I got a piss. I remember going, oh, I got a piss and I opened my eyes. She's like, oh, shit. And she's like, oh, I'm so sorry. She had a, like, her, she was checking her little titties out, right, in the mirror, right?

So she pulled her shirt back up and my dick, I kind of put my dick back in. And I'm like, I'm fucked, I'm so sorry. I had a pee. I have to pee. All of a sudden, she, she pretended to hear her boyfriend on the other side of the door, right? She's like, I'll be right there. I'm like, ooh, that's a fucking left turn. And I'm like, fuck, if he, if he finds this in you, he's going to fucking think what she's like,'re just shut up I'll take care of it just be quiet I'm like I gotta piss she's like how long did you act as out for dude she was good real good she goes I go I gotta piss I'm just piss and I

I'm like alright fuck it so I start pissing, like looking at it, and I was like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm sorry, but then she kept looking at it, and then I'm fucking, I'm just about done pissing. She reaches over and grabs my own. And I was like, I go, he's right outside the door. That was nobody there. Fucking long scene.

It was dude. Fucking great. Her first word should have been, where the fuck have you been? I have to go now. I'm gonna tell you this right now, and this is something I shouldn't say, because I don't want somebody to find it all on video. I did it first person with the Sony little cams. You were filming that.

Film the whole thing. I used to jerk off to this nine times a week. It was the best point I ever made by WAH. Wait, but all she did was grit. What is she doing? Who's that? She grabbed my dick, and then she started blowing me, and then she just was grit. What is she doing? Who's all? She grabbed my dick and then she started blowing me and then she just sucked me off in the bathroom.

Me and her never had intercourse. Out of the three years that we fucked around, I ate her pussy, I fucking, she fucking did all kinds of shit to me, we did all kinds of scenarios, we did bondage, we did all those fucked up, never put my penis in her vagina Why we just never did it character choice You caught that guy that was a good one. I like you I to check it out you motherfuckers. Are you hiring, right?

You have a hire have to hire somebody? Of course not, you're coming. You fucking worried about getting hired yourself. I've had to hire people. I've had to hire people a lot of times, especially for this ride cast thing. Hiring is hard and multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, confusing review process,

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Are you taking off? You're the best. You are so good. Thanks for you fucking brilliant.com with results. You leave it? Are you taking off? You're the best. You are so good. You're thanks for you fucking brilliant. You're awesome. Thanks for coming down. I really appreciate it.

Everybody say goodbye. Bye, bye. Bye, thank you. We love you, you're the best. See it's gangfest. I think this is messed up honey. This read. You know, I think so.

Tell them what I have to read there. You read it. I'm zippercruder.com. I used it. I actually gave it to my father and I gave it to, I think Liz used it here at the Comedy Cellar. Zippercruder sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards, but they don't stop there. Zippercruder is so effective that 80% of employers who post on Zippercruder get quality candidate through the site within the first day. Crazy. 80%.

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ziprecruder.com slash what dude? Zippercruder.com slash what dude? The smartest way to hire. They get it for free, for nothing. For nothing. For nothing. For nothing. Look, if something's free, try it. If you have a job and you're hiring, if you're doing anything, just go try it, check it out. ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¡Qué es eso!

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So just like a fucking overly eager, like, you know, like willing, fucking whore talk, shit, more hard or fast or shit like that, just like into it. I've never been into anything else in that. Like I've never been into like- More harder, faster? Yeah, like the whole like- Are you saying that or is they saying that? Well, no, I mean, ideally then, you know, like-

Ideally, more harder. Let me wear it. Let me wear it. I'm fast out, babe. Yeah, that I'd be more harder. Let me wear it. Let me wear it. I messed up, baby. Yeah, that'd be weird if I can go. Well, that'd be weird if I was thrusting going faster. That's what my fucking horse jockey.

If you go to harder. I'd be a little confusing to me. Yeah, just like, I've never been into any kind of like, peeing and shit. I know I have friends and people that are like, yeah, dude, fucking put down a fucking mat and fucking get pissed on a shit. I just never, for me, it was just not, you know.

Yeah. You know, I'm gonna go shopping and digs boarding goods to get a fucking nut all. Fucking tarp for your floor. Yeah. I had a girl that was in the metal, metal things in her vagina. Like a fork?

Well, like a flat one. What, what, what, I gotta understand. I mean, let's go to Sears. Ah! Hey, your friend, your friends and I are working, right? Hey, I need a hardware store on a corner. Hey, does your friend make custom motorcycles? Ah!

You know, golf club. Sometimes that. I had a chick that was in the metal. Yeah, so because I have this necklace that I wear a lot of times, it's like silver and it was just like, I was going down on her and it touched like, the repulsive and she goes, yeah, I like metal.

She gave me, she gave me a lot of that. Oh, that gives me energy. You're, you're, your elements give me energy. You're your elements. Give me energy to get home to my planet. Put your rope chain on my pussy again. I'm in that pinky ring. I'm gonna go away. Please let my pussy run over my pussy with your car.

I want to get your muffler stuck in my pussy. Ooh. What the fuck? So the next time she came to the house, she's like, hey, I brought some to play with. And she took out a gun. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I Spit on me I got a gun What do you live fucking Florida? And that she want you to hold up a pussy like a bag?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she goes, it's a revolver and she goes, I want you to stick this in my pussy. Oh my god. And I said, absolutely not. I'm not, she goes, it's not loaded. I'm like, I don't get my shit if it's not loaded. I'm not putting it on.

Like this does nothing for me to put a gun inside of you. And that one. Oh my god. That wasn't a great upbringing What's your dad a cop You said no, I would have done it for the story No, dude, I agree with her story story not agree with I would like this

I would have done it with these 37 Magnum blow you pussy clean off Do you feel lucky punk I mean look you still I mean, look, you still... Ah! That was fucking crazy! That is crazy! This fucking crazy motherfucker!

You still did a spit-tank. There's a story still there. Even if I didn't know, it's like... Like, she goes, she's not loaded. It's not like, I don't even touch it. I give it was loaded. I didn't even touch it. I'm hearing how to gun.

I was like, I don't even take a gun safety course. The fucker. You know, crazy, it'll be... If you were going to frame a guy for a murder. Yeah. Just to be like, I didn't'd a gun? I was like, I don't even take a gun safety course. The fucker, you know? You know, crazy, that would be, if you were gonna frame a guy for a murder. Oh yeah. Just be like, I wanna gun, can you, hey baby, just get some chubby dude from the bar. Hey, come back.

I love guns in my pussy. Talk about a fucking lead up. Oh, you chain touch my, I love medals on my pussy. Yeah, what? He went and bought rings like Voss. He's got a fucking Dante Neural bracelet. Dante, fuck me, we're here.

She's gone for a Puerto Rican Latin King. Dudge. Yeah, it just so it's like, I mean, exactly. Imagine something goes wrong. And then that's the story you're telling the's like, I mean, exactly. Imagine something goes wrong, and then that's the story you're telling on the cops. Like, look, she won't have the gun in her pussy. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So if the gun had a bullet and by accident, and you accidentally shot her in the pussy,

and the cops showed up, you would have to go, ah, all right, so what happened? Well, last week I was eating the pussy and my chain, I don't have it on today, but usually where it, it talks to pussy and she's like, oh yeah, I love metal. She was like, excuse me, did you say metal? Yeah, yeah, no, she said, she's like metal, like metallic, like, like, mute, no, no, no, like the actual metal, like metal, like, you know, on on her pussy she likes metal on a pussy.

Okay, great. And then what happened? Well, she came back this week and she put a gun on the table. She that's her gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know this gun was used in five homies? Oh, yeah. And the only fingerprints onto the yours.

And now we have a dead hooker that is shot in the pussy by you and all the other women were shot in the pussy the same exact way She didn't even work it up Like it is start with a chain and she just went right to go she came back with a bag of nickels Next time he shows up with a dual bag Screwed over something like just like with a bag of nickels. Next time he shows up with a dual bag, yeah. Screw you, Iver. Something like just like that. Some brass knuckles in there. Where we go going on old arcade.

What? Yeah, we're going to do tokens. I love tokens. I want to sit on a bucket of tokens. I'm kidding. Getting like Robin old lunch box underpussier. Something for a second. You didn't want to go in the head.

You already got it. Hey, do you like the batting cages? Yeah, look, I'm alright. Yeah. I have this aluminum bat. Why is it stained? Wow, dude, I'm gone in the pussy. Yeah, that's...

What was the response when you said no? Was she mad? I mean, I didn't just go no because I still wanted to fuck her. So I was just kinda like, hey, maybe later, you know, we'll do that or something. No, and it kinda just didn't come up later on. So, but it was just like, I think she got, did you give her options?

You go no, but I got a spatula in there. No, but I got a man-graded just got delivered Sit on that. It's got a new spaghetti pot I love that matters. I got how about the necklace. Let's go back to the necklace again What that would freak me out yeah,, for course. That's out. It's freaking out of a girl. It takes out a gun. And you're just going to say that means

how many other guys stuck the gun in the pussy? Oh, the guy did it. You know, he just said the first. And how do you clean a gun after it's been in the pussy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You take it to the guy, this gun's not working. Well, I don't know. Some sort of build up in here. It looks sticky. Yeah. Why is all the paint off it? But numbers have been etched off. I don't know. Some sort of build up in here. Like sticky. Why is all the paint off it? But numbers have been etched off,

not just from something else. Why is the wood dying? Oh, good. My God. How many times do you see that girl? A lot after that. You really do? No, but no more gun stuff.

I didn't like data. I would see her every once in a while. It was like a booty home. I've got the Shreesee gun shop. You got to avoid pawn shops. Sleep markets. To the store. There's a gun show in town.

That's got my car wax. I'm going to come and roll up against it for a while. You had to pull her away from cops. Oh, God. Oh, fuck it. Hey, dude. What a weird story. I thought my story was fucked up.

That is really fucked up. You never did. I mean, you probably can't talk because you have your girl. She's in the business. She probably listened to this. So you really can't tell her. You probably have something crazy. You look like you have something girl. She's in the business. She probably listened to this. So you really can't tell her. You probably have something crazy. You look like you have something crazy. Uh, you know, I mean, no guns. I can't compete with it.

He's a flower in the person. But I'm also from Florida. You are. Yeah. But uh, didn't you freak you shit? Maybe an alligator in a pussy? Oh, she like reptiles. I don't know. But then scale. She was in the scale. We started with Nagwana and just worked our way up. I don't know.

I had to put lettuce in her pussy. Just to get my little guy up there. I don't know. She was like the eat out of her pussy. Yeah, just put the lettuce in her. I didn't even know what the gecko was. It just turned into a pussy lips. Yeah.

Oh. Do you ever do it? No, I had an ex who really liked being tied up. She liked being choked. Oh really hit and not but I had a start Like I can I can choke I'll choke you but like you start hitting you very often. Yeah, it's a That's a you're walking a dangerous territory there. What do you Shoking choke you you know, yeah Stop your breathing for a second

Yeah, put a put a knee on your throat, whatever. Look at that partner. But I'm putting a knee on. I'm having a good time here. I hit you there. The soul plexus knocked the wind out of you and choke out for a minute. He tap out, spit a red ball out of your mouth. I know a guy.

Oh, shit, here we go. Welcome again. Oh, yeah, this motherfucker. I know a guy who the woman said I want you to rate me fake. Oh, God. Shit, here we go. Oh, God. Dude, that's not a fucker. I know a guy who the woman said, I want you to rate me fake. And he was just like, in, not. Like she wanted to, she wanted to like, but she wanted to do to like, like, come in the door, fucking throw her down and do that and like, forcefully.

And he was like, you out of your fucking mind. And today's fucking, are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, 10 years ago, no problem. But yeah, no, no. 10 years ago, I wouldn't do it because you know what? You break up with that girl. And that shit was rough and she's got a mark on her fucking wrist. And guess what, dude, who's going to believe who fucked that?

I mean, a Mark 10 years later, would you burn her? No, no, he didn't. What is the black fraternity? No, he said 10 years ago. And I was like, yeah, but you're not going to have a mark from 10 years ago. No, no, no. He's saying if it was 10 years ago. And I was like, yeah, but you're not gonna have a mark from 10 years ago. No, no, no, he's saying if it was 10 years ago, it wouldn't be as nuts at his neck.

Well, it's actually, it wouldn't have been around 10, 15, 20 years ago. You could do a lot more freaky shit back then and not get called out on it. And not have to worry about it. Number one, social media wasn't around. Number two, the whole atmosphere of sex and gender equality No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, until about nine months ago. And the girls that I've been with since then, all but one of them were like, choking me.

But people also want to win. And it's like, well, because the 50 shades of gray was an unbelievable way of she got. But still, it's just the bathroom choker. So, yeah, the fucking hangers from the closet right now. I was gonna go in there and put that. She made one of the soap. There you go.

I thought it was the only one. All three of us leave and leave him up here. Around 10 years ago. They're like him again. There's a documentary about Forrest. The gun of the pussy story. I heard this. That was about 12 years ago though.

So it would be fair. The gun incidents. It's definitely changed. I mean, you have to be fair, the gun incidents. It's definitely changed. It's definitely changed. I mean, you have to be like, especially for us, as comics, we used to get away with a lot of shit back in the day, because you just get away with it.

And it was a different culture. You could do weirder, crazier shit. I used to fuck on the streets and shit. You bang right in the, yeah, it's a bang right around the corner of the cafe while you're just I remember banging in the hallway in the cellar putting it in a couple times before I went on stage what can't do that now yeah no I know but how did you do it then let's take it out and put it in what to an audience member now to find yeah on stage. It was a different time. What happened? What happened?

It changed. You guys have a, we were all, finally I love that second bit get over here. Alright, did I get a whole wrong fucking on stage? All of us. The government started fucking each other. It was wise. I did a joke till 97.

By entering this club, you can send it be fucked on stage, but I can't make it any time. Well, think of it like Bob Levy used to do, he used to put whipped cream and a girl's asshole and eat it out on stage. That was his closing bit. That was his closing bit. Bob Levy, on the Howard Stern Show Guy,

he was at his height. He was fucking killing it too, man. He was, they were selling out places. He was his closing bit. Not blue cheese. He put blue cheese in a girl's asshole. Blue cheese dressing, which I hate on a salad. Never mind you.

I may have to be honest with the other I like blue cheese. I hate that much. I hate it too, but I don't like assholes. So that's like, it's. And he would onstage. He did out of the chicks' asshole. Well, not that. Yeah.

It was a volunteer or like a volunteer, yeah. And so he just like comes up with like blue cheese. I don't think he traveled with an asshole. He's come up with a fucking truck. Fresh, pal, full volunteer or like a volunteer. Yeah, and so he just like comes up with like He's not a magician like a guy's birds I have a chicken See a one-ad remember the one-ad if you have a nice asshole and like don't mind putting Dressing in it. Do you like comedy? Be a shower a lot. You would fucking call a volunteer audience member. Get a pool of people that are Bob Levy eating a Gucci's dressing out of asshole.

A volunteer audience member would know that they're going to pull their pants down and have the food shoes in their ass and that this man was going to lick it. Yes. Yeah, that was a was gonna lick it lick it yes yeah that was and it would murder at what club allowed all clubs all clubs would fucking allow it so it's yeah I mean I think you get you get some clearance you can't you can't do it now that's in his rider yeah look yeah look do the top one oh whatever that's Beetlejist. That's right. Beetlejist. Yeah, fast forward to this other shit. Yeah, do that one.

Yeah, she's... Okay, dress. That's for bed. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's just getting into 12-thousand dresses. See, like, 12-thousand. You know what I'm gonna have?

You know what I'm gonna have? How am I gonna get in there? That, but yeah. The bed isn't pop. It's gonna link it off with dress. We're gonna have it. I keep out with the other two. Yeah Hey Yeah Wow Yeah

I wouldn't fucking eat the shit out of her as well There you go Is that it? He can't even son. Yeah, I think that's whipped cream right there, but he does usually blue cheese. Yeah, there you go. Is that it? Any sporting event? Is that it about he can sun? Yeah, I think that's whipped cream right there, but he does usually pull cheese. Yeah, there you go. Closing bit. Oh my God.

Oh. He's spitting it. It's all over his face. Well, it's a big thing. Oh my God. It's amazing. It's amazing. You're right.

Good night, everybody. You're around. I'll be honest. I love that. I love that. He got professional. I'm gonna give you a round of applause. Good night, everybody. A round to you. I love that thing. He got professional. I was, he can't give a round of applause, but it was a professional comment. I mean, he's a pro.

I'm gonna go in the uppercase. You buy my CD, I'll be out front. Sitting at the dining room. I'm gonna look at you. He's about to give her a kiss on the face. And she's like, now, I don't like who she's dressing or my asshole. Rashida!

That's fucking great. I mean, it's a different time. Imagine we're just hanging out. I'm like, I'm working on a new bit. Honey, this is you, with your wife. Yeah, honey, what are you doing? Listen, do me a favor, just give me the blue cheese, that's why.

I'm working on my clothes. This is gonna kill. I got a new closer. It's fucking murdered. It murdered. It was just a different time where comedy was a little more outrageous. What was that?

Does it say what you're that is? 2009. 2017. 10 years ago. 10 years ago. Last month. Last month. Last month.

Is there another one, though? Yeah, I mean, it's fucking crazy. Look at Dave. First comment. The first comment, this is just depressing and disgusting to watch. There was nothing funny. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

about this. This is just nasty. But these are comments recently, the three news ago. What kind of church is this? Yeah, wait, hold on. Let's go that reason more. Joe Rogan brought me here. Ah

If Harvey Weinstein had been stand-up comic this would be his stick see it's a different time Yeah, that was you know, I mean you can't do that shit anymore We all would have been doing it Can't do it anymore the fucking blogs. I can't eat it eat anything out Anyone's okay ready we're all hanging out have a good time tonight, right? Yeah, we pop over to Creek in the cave and fucking Lewis Comas has some girl on stage and he's pouring fucking pancakes and syrup in a rassol And he starts eating we would all be like fucking pancakes and syrup and arasso and he starts eating we would all be like what the fuck what the fuck

What the fuck is he doing? And he goes up and he's fucking I love pancakes So let's not get it's not be too judge Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you are if you are if you saw that she be like what the fuck is going on? I agree, but then the second time you be like my, man, I've seen this before. I mean, second time he'd be like, I don't even know. Isn't he doing naked roast battle at St.Fest? Probably, yeah. Yeah, he doesn't, I mean, that's what you get to love about. There's certain guys that don't give a fuck.

He's one of them. He doesn't, he's just, you know, a fuck and get a laugh. He's funny. Funny like that. I mean, look, you know, but it's a different, we have to watch what we say. Of course we do. You can't, you can't, I mean, Twitter, you know, but it's a different, we have to watch what we say.

Of course we do. You can't, you can't, I mean, Twitter, all that shit, man, you got it literally like every time you put anything out there. I was talking to comics who said they went back six months to a year of everything they did and anything that they thought was from could remotely make them lose a job or doing it thing, they just fucking take out, they just archive it and take it out

because you can have a show that wants you, you could have something that's ready to come out and all of a sudden somebody goes, hey, aren't you guys putting that guy in your network, dude, did you see his Instagram? I'm just gonna go and say, just fucking bump from a show. She was booked in a show and somebody saw something

she said about trans people and they were like, well, you said, and she's like, you crap, are you nuts? Do you know what she's done for the LG? BTQ. And do you know? You know what I mean? I mean, she's done so much for it.

And it was a joke. She makes fun of herself. She makes fun of everybody. What do you say? I think there's another letter now, you on the end. There's a bunch more left. But it's like, we just- I just saw her that thing too. It was like a vice vice thing and she was talking about not being able to play colleges and yeah, she was great on there

Now this you see that that one joke wasn't free. Oh, this is today today. Oh geez. All right So some will go find your fucking joke. Yeah, find something and then go hey You shouldn't hire them because of this day. They did a whole thing. There was a video on college bookers talking about what they, it's a tweet it last week. What you did? Would you do it gold, right? That's what I was just talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, this was a guy who went out onto a college stage, did his thing, and then they were talking to the students, and they were talking to the people that booked it about the screening of it. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't see that.

And he was just like, they were just like, yeah, if we see anything that remotely will make a student uncomfortable, we just bless you. We'll know. No. Well, you've got to let it out better because I think the fact you held it did that. Sounded fake.

No, it wasn't. It was something in my nose. Yeah. It's really Godverse. Oh my God. How was that? I tried practice, I practiced the one inch punch every time I see it. Yeah, no dude, they're like, they're, it's so crazy right now that college bookers are like, if there's one thing that we think will make somebody walk

out and it's just not where it's at. But it's, But it's here's the thing, it's like you can't, I used to do all my money came from colleges. I would do, I did 40 something colleges. Colleges have to run. Two months, dude. Colleges have cry rooms. Look, I don't, okay, I don't care. You know what, look, you want to cry, I don't care. I'm not gonna say, come on, Bobby, a cry room.

Can I just say this? Can I say it, please? You can say, but come on, Bobby, I'm crying. Can I just say this? Can I say it please? You can say it without you attacking me. No. I'm gonna make that room a cry room. You can just say, I'm gonna make that room a cry room. I'm gonna make that room a cry room.

I'm gonna make that room a cry room. You have the perfect name for crying. I'm gonna make that room a cry room. I'm gonna make that room a cry room. I'm gonna make that room a cry that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that.

I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. I've never seen one like that. ever tell a fucking kid not to cry. Or, if you wanna go on a Roman cry, that's fine.

But I would also not tell a kid, if his sense of humor was a little off, that you're a fucking asshole. I mean, colleges are filled should be with everybody. When you start making one mind, one voice, that's crazy shit. You should be able to have a dirty comic, a magician, a lesbian comic,

somebody who's crystal clean. You should have something for every voice on that campus. I don't count big your voices. If you guys, if you're the left wing, fucking liberals that only like non-offensive, don't want to be hurt, if you're the biggest ones on campus now, because you are, you can have your company, you should allow the other people to have. Guys, a you and me, or you got, you know, people who are a little more street or edgy, a little

more tough skinned, and their their sense humor is a little more fucking dirty and fucked up. They should be able to laugh. Well, they need to know and that needs to be advertised. I think on that show. But I also just I mean, you don't go to shit on the parade. But what my point is this, if a college has a cry room, that college is going to be a problem for a committee.

Okay. Because a cry room to me growing up was a fucking bathroom, or my bedroom when I got home. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to be some fucking tough guy and don't show your emotions, but at what point is it like coddling to the, if you're gonna tell me that this college has a fucking cry room, and then there's gonna be

a stand-up show at the theater of that school. Who's coming into that room? There's gonna be somebody complaining about something. There's gonna be somebody who's too sensitive for that fucking show. A cry room why? Because there's tragedies in the world. There's been tragedies in the world

for fucking throughout history. It's fucking ridiculous, dude. That's a problem. They ask somebody. They actually ask the liberal. I forgot who was. Super liberal guy. They ask him.

He's one of these fucking smart guys, like, Bitt Neal, what's his name? The Tyson, whatever. There's another guy. And they ask, they go, why do you think what? Isaac from the love boat. They go, they go, what's his name? The Tyson, whatever. So yeah, there's another guy and they ask, they go, why do you think? Isaac's from the love boat. They go, they go, what's the problem with why is America so sensitive? What's going on?

And he, the first thing he said, he goes, it's universities. He said, the universities are, it's so much, cry rooms. I mean, you don't even need to talk about it. I've never heard, yeah, sorry. So much of this is just because they're, they're a pro, it's a profit model. So you treat students like customers. So if they complain, you say,

we gotta listen to their complaints. Dumb it down a little bit. That's so bad. That's so bad. That's so bad. No, that makes sense. No, no. I never even heard a cry room.

So now that is, who would want to beat up people? Like a emotional like if, I get what it is, but it's like, it just seems that would be more depressing. Like you have to cry and you're going to room with other people crying about you and then that's going to make you feel better.

Like that's even, it's, it's, ugh, it's like, it's terrible. Yeah, and I great, like just say what the show is.

Like even, you just have a disclaimer, listen, you're going to hear something from this guy. This is, this is humor. Can you not handle anything, go to the show? Like humor. Can you not handle anything? Go to the show. If you can handle anything, go to the show.

This guy could say a bad word that makes you, you know, this guy's going to talk about violence. This guy may talk about overdose, and Lord knows that that's touch people's family. This guy may talk about cancer some, so that needs to be out on the campus to know, or come for clean night. This guy's going to be super clean.

It'll probably rape a couple of people after. But, yeah. Yeah. What's that guy? couple people after. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did that. I did that. How funny is that?

You're at super clean. Yeah. A lot of the time super super clean guys have that fucking, it's always like those guys. Yeah. But not always. You shouldn't say that. But you know, I don't know his name is, but I you could look at a serial. Yeah, yeah.

Median, serial college rapist. Yeah. So what is it? A serial comedian college rapist. Have you looked that up? That's his name. Yeah, so what is it? Right. A cereal comedian college rapist. Have you looked that up? That's his name? No, no. So he legally changed it.

He's in prison with that O's chest. Rice crispy is here. All right. But why doesn't every comedy club? That's what I said in my podcast once through the Versa Effective Night Tops. Whoa. Okay.

I'm getting shameless. Mangro. We got you. I said, why isn't a disclaimer in every comedy club? Why isn't a disclaimer in every comedy club saying, you know what, okay. I was getting stainless, mangrove. It's nice. We got you. I said, why isn't a disclaimer in every comedy club? Why isn't a disclaimer in every comedy club saying, you know what, listen, you're gonna hear this, this, and this from top to bottom. So listen, you know, you know, along with the no self.

Well, it's going that way. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, right? Yeah, you have to be like testing in different Brooklyn, like bars and bars. I just did, what was the islands grocery? And I walked out. Are those groceries, yeah. That one I just did that the last night. And I called a chicken, the front row to broad. I was like, yeah, I go, I go, I said, oh, you fucking, Jesus fucking,

this is some hipster, you shit, she goes, I'm not a history, I go, ah, yeah, that's what exactly what a hipster would say. Defend yourself from joking not a history, I go, yeah, that's exactly what a hipster would say. Defend yourself from joking, sarcasm. I go, what are you Dutch? Easy there, broad. I go, I can say that I'm grandfathered in. You know what I mean?

I kind of skated out of it, but it's like, you know what I mean? I'm not trying to offend you, I'm trying to be funny. That's why I don't do those, you know, I don't do those rooms, and the reason I don't do those rooms is because. I think we should do those rooms. No, no, I've done them, but the reason why I don't do those rooms. And the reason I don't do those rooms is because- I think we should do those rooms. No, no, I've done them, but the reason why I choose not to do them

is I don't wanna use names of people, but I'll say this. Those rooms are pick juries. You understand? Those rooms are pick juries. So now a guy like you and I who goes into that room, right? With our, we can say anything. We can talk about shit that happened with our wife and kids that day where we could do bids.

But we're automatically because we don't fit that mold of that, of the hipster thing in Brooklyn or whatever. You know, you wearing matches? I said, what you wearing matches? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, where I don't look like I, yeah, when I have a scarf on in fucking August with a latte in my head, dude, I did. You know, you don't look like you're in gaba gaba. Hey, I gotta tell you one idea. I did Hannibal's

I did Hannibal's you know you'll gaba guys are you make you fuck up? Yo gaba gama Wow, this guy's named by the way is Vince champ. Yeah, he's an American comedian and convicted rapist He was he was really wanted to call this guy out I know what I knew his name from the beginning. I did too. We're trying to fucking get back to the guy's getting out. No, no, no, but he was the winner of Star Search. The winner of Star Search in 1992 and in 1997 he was convicted as a serial rapist with this tour schedule and DNA matched up. They look at that. They look at the tour schedule. Yeah. Yeah.

What the fuck was that? I don't post my tour schedule anymore. That's how they get that. That's what they look for. They look for a tour schedule. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck was that? That's why I don't post my tour schedule anymore. That's how they get that. That's how they get you. But I've seen like the most hipster comics. Just say the word gay and the audience is like, right away they're like, what the fuck are you going to say? Like even like someone with a fucking tiny scarf on.

People are still like, what? You can't even say the word gay. Even if you try to make a compare, even if you do something like, ah, you know, a man versus a woman, like anything, it's already like, sometimes the crowds start to get like that. Listen, I've seen, I love, I love any place where people want to go and see, like I did a Brooklyn show called Brooklyn stand up. It was Kerry Coddits room and it was great.

It was fucking great and it felt like real. It was just like what if funny is funny, but I also did the knitting factory and I did the knitting factory when his Hannibal Burst is room and it took me, I ended up getting them, but the fucking judgment and the way people were looking at me and I was just like, and I was doing it a lot longer than other people in the show and I felt, I felt different in there and I felt like, can I say something? Can I say something? What? I agree with you that they immediately will they see you and look at you but also what you're talking about doesn't relate to

their lives right because you know send so like I went in last night I had to follow some girl no who was it not some girl was it was Joe's girl wife Sarah was up and then Dan went up there They lived different lives than me. And I'm gonna go up and talk about being old, and death, and fucking dying. I had a, you know, you have to figure out a way to say, it's just a psychological thing. It'd be like, look, I understand that this means nothing.

This is fucked up to you. Like, you didn't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. But I'm gonna tell you about it. And this is the reality of what's gonna happen to you, whether you like it or not. You're gonna be here someday, so you can, you'll understand. And look at some, some people laugh more than others,

because they got it. Some of the people, there was one guy that I would say, he would only laugh when I would say funny fucked up words together, because sometimes I put words together that I fucked up and he would, ha ha ha, he got, ha ha, he got that. Like that was his thing. That was his little thing. Like he loved when I put my verbiage together and used a weird word and said it, which I do, okay I know what you like. You like that shit. This guy likes what I'm talking about. These girls liked when I talked about you know,

you know, when I brought them to the edge of, like, oh, this is serious. And then I slapped them in the face with shit. Then they laughed. Some people didn't laugh at all. You got to, that type of room is good to do. Oh, absolutely. That I agree.

As us, because you go in and you have to learn how to, if you get people that don't want to get you, if you can learn how to do that, to get them to laugh at you. If you get people that don't want to get you, if you can learn how to do that, if you get people that don't literally, it's funny too because they made these rooms to be non-judgmental because they didn't want, like they feel like the clubs are so they, they don't like what we do. They don't like, and it's like, you want to go there and, but then you judge, we get judged. You feel like you're getting judged too.

But, you gotta forget, funny, funny motherfucker. I don't give a fuck if you were in a fucking scarf or a fucking monocle. You know what I mean? If you're funny, you gotta laugh. The thing is, and I don't mean to bring, actually, a poor speech, please cut me off sooner. I was literally done around five minutes.

I mean, what are you guys tired? Yeah, yeah. You guys did a break. Fuck, just rambling. Shut me the fuck up. What you were saying something deep? And I'm like, I'm gonna let him bill at this because he's fucking in it.

He's working for me. But, um, no, like, uh, when a lot of people gave birth shit and, and far as open for virtue, and I don't know if you talk to him about it on the road, but Bill said something a lot of people some people were like what was but he said he's like He's like why you don't take the fear out of this don't take the fear out of standup the fear of standup is going up there You in a microphone and a fucking crowd of people that don't know you not this whole not this whole Oh, it's accepted and whatever you're gonna say we're on board. It's like, no, that's not comedy. That's late night, that's late night comedy. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's, that's a monologue. That's, that's

television, five minutes, Johnny Carson, everybody's going to love this shit across the board. Nobody's going to be offended. Right. Right. Stand up comedy is not that. No, go up on, you know, go into the seller, go into these places and just fucking go up There comedy story salad Go up there at fucking you know 11 30 at night go to the curtees this Friday sat in Sunday in Sarasota Test your comedy And see where you're at. I'm listening, but I am for like rooms where comics need to get stage time and it's a, and it's like, hey, we're like we're accepting of you, but it does, it does get reversed.

It gets reversed when there's somebody there that's not like them or somebody that's not a hipster or all alternative. And all of a sudden your look dad is like, oh, this is a fucking guys guy with a family and his shit together. Oh, fuck this guy. And you feel that. Now when you feel that, it's like, you started to is a fucking guy's guy with a family and his shit together. Oh, fuck this guy. And you feel that. You know, when you feel that, it's like, you started to give yourself a lot of love.

Oh, this is a man's man with a perfect body. This is a guy with a fucking Lexus, who just fucking had a clean colon. It's how it was. Speaking of your thing, it smells great too. I mean, everything. How was your colon? McColon was great.

They found one polyp, which they took out. What polyp makes me want to throw it. How, how was your colon? Uh, McCollum was great. They found one polyp, which they took out. What did, the word polyp makes me want to throw it. Yeah, it's, it's a bad word. What is a polyp? There's like five different ones. So what happens is in everybody's colon. I want to go with it, but I don't.

Go go polyp. No, I, I do the cartoon version. So they say that men at 50, which they're changing it. Money gets a colon. By the way, by the way, uh, you have to, as Yonis Popus says, you have to get your ass, one of the funniest things that has ever happened. It was one of the top five laughs I've ever had.

I was at the Soho cigar lounge with the Yonis. And Yonis is just going, he goes, dude, you got to do it early, okay? They say it's 50. This really happened. This conversation, he goes, they say it's fair. I'm smoking a cigar. I have it at great time going, yeah, he goes.

They say it's 50, okay, it's not. You got to do it sooner, okay? You got it, and he's just going say it's fair, I'm smoking a cigar, I'm having a great time going, yeah, here he goes. They say it's 50, okay, it's not. You gotta do it sooner, okay, you gotta, and he's just going, it's very important, and then I don't know where he just goes, have you had your asshole checked? He said it with the utmost sincerity, and he went through his picture, he goes, have you had your asshole checked?

And he goes, no, and here's the thing, yeah. So a polyp is, it's gonna happen with everybody. Don't, by the way, I don't know how old you guys are. I'm old. Don't wait to 50. I know, I've had with everybody. Don't, by the way, I don't know how old you guys are. I'm old. Don't, don't wait to 50. Hi, I've had one, Doc. Chrissy D just had one and a couple of other people

had one young. You get it younger, okay? A doctor came up to me after being on stage at the stand. And he goes, hey dude, he goes, that's cool that you talked about. You're on the spot, my, on the spot, fucking prostate check. He goes, it's funny that you brought that

to light in a comedy show. Which you pulled over by a cop. by no this fucking guy was in a crowd. He was friends with you honestly The fucking yeah, I'll just go to joke. Okay, you go pull though over to honest pop He's got his finger ass. It's okay Cocks suck a set me up you my friend Joe Yeah, yeah, I was into I was into what I'm sorry. I'm trying to put my story down. That was a good joke. He's like, on the other hand, nobody's like, yeah, yeah, anyways. I was in, I was in with that sound, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help you guys. I'm wondering what happened to my fucking,

woo, woo, woo, woo. It was a fucking Rogan experience. Fucking make a joke once in a while. Fucking out of Doctor. I'm not, you're not a real dog, you're a comic. There's not one smart person. I'm not a fucking Rogan. Can I defend myself here?

What did you say to me? What happened with that calling thing? Right now, some tell you what fucking happened. And then now you're saying, I'm not a smart person. Can I defend myself here? What did you say to me? What happened with that calling thing? Right now, so I'm telling you what fucker happened. And then now you're saying, well, you're fucking doctor. I slipped a joke in first. I won all over. On the spot, colonoscopy.

I went, what'd you get pulled over by the cops? I pressed a check. You did it again. You did it again. I was going to fuck you. I was going to fuck you. I was going to fuck you. I wonder why you didn't like being handcuffed. I'm not moving on. I'm going to say, I'm going to be in handcuffs. I'm moving on.

What you got to do is you got to get a gun. You shove it up. Okay. So anyway, the guy said he goes, he goes, don't do it at 50. They actually want to change it to 40. Because if they do take out, if they do take out a polyp,

and it's pre-cancerous, then you got to go back five years. So what happened was my, thank God, my endoscopy, which I did the same time, my esophagus and everything, looked better than it did with the acid reflux six years ago. They went up the ass. How'd you face that?

What? You know what I did? No, I don't, that's what I'm asking. That's the fuck are you nuts? What the fuck are we in the mall? All right, what'd you do? You know what I did? No, I don't. I know what he? All right, all right, all right, what you do? You know what I did? No, I know what he did.

Let me take this. Let me take this, okay. I know what he did. How about you, what are you doing? I got the answer right. I ain't a dice at the, you know what I'm saying? I'm buzzing in, my buzzer's not working. Oh, that's so fun.

No, I cut out a lot of, I cut out booze a lot. I cut out hot sauce. I cut out hot sauce. I cut out hot sauce. So like I took my hot sauce down probably like 45% of what I was doing. Are you a big hot sauce guy? I like hot sauce.

I also had to cut like tomato based like fucking pot. It's tough. It's tough. But and then they went up the S and he comes out. He goes everything is go found. One pile took it out. If it's pre-cancer, you don't have to, you come back in five years.

If it's not, you don't come back to 150. So it's no cancer. No, no. So what happens is all polyps can be either Non-precancers or precancers sort of they find like a like a like a bushel of polyps in me Well, what they'll do what a bushel? Yeah, I'll any of polyps What is my whole assholes?

What if I shit like a plate of machine What if I shit like a plate of machine? I guess we just shivers. No, if you have polyps, they actually during the colonel's gonna take it out. So my, how am I gonna take it out? What is this thing? A spoon? Yeah, it's putting out.

They're putting it out there. What, how do they, you know, they go in like, what is he ever lops the fork? What, you know, there's, you know, those spoons you use for the grapefruit, they just go in there and one of those things, they just go in there and they just, how do you know?

You, you, I'll, they take it out. You weren't looking, where are you? I was out, no. So how do you know you are taking you are looking where you was out now? Because I saw something online what they scoop it they scrape it out I thought that little scissors get it cut it. Okay, so do this don't do this That's like cereal The fucking cereal again, I'll be thinking pallips scraping out of your asshole. I think on the end of the camera They have a little little tiny snippers, right? Yeah, snipping.

That camera, it goes in with the... Nice, see a polyp. And then they got a little tiny creature going in there. Kinda see right there, see the little creature. I wanna see a real one. Just see the little thing screaming. Oh God, that you had a screaming polyp in your ass? It was going, no!

Polyps have no place to hide. You're gonna get polyps some day too, honey. Oh! Oh! That's a bottom left, that's a whole polyp. Oh whole that's a look the top right is my fucking push of a Box picture of polyps screaming when a revolver goes up there Scroll that I want to see more Look at that looks like a throat

So they just wow cut it out everybody has everybody is going to get a polyp and Okay, all right, so I had a colonoscopy. Oh, oh, why look I got a new one I scroll down a little. I want to see the worse What is that one smoking like a dick coming out of the side of the that looks like a clip? These are like worst case Those are pops that are fucking making more polish Look at look at she can it, look at it, look at Paul. So, you fucking... Doctor, doctor, the cigarette in there is just like,

that one has an earring. That's a punk rock polyp. Scroll that a little more. This is the one. I'm like, oh, what the, yeah. Oh, fuck me. Dude, I hope that looks like a brain. A lot of people go in there and they have multiple, a lot.

Well, you should have thought they'd do it on the water. They cut it out and they get it all out. Oh, they do this all out. I saw that in Aruba. So the Mariana Trench. That's what I got. Oh, wow, that was gross.

So I should go. I'm seeing my doctor, it's my my doctor. It's my gastro. It's a gastro. What is a gastro? A gastroologist, right? Gastro endo that's like both those, but I did both. I did both of that. A gastroenterologist.

Yeah, I did. Of course you go. I knew you. You. I was trying to pretend like I didn't. What is it? A gastroenterologist. What did I say?

A gastroenterologist. He was pretending to be dumb for me. That means you want to cry. You understand it was a cry, right? No, it's for the rule. He said he said he said profit margin you yelled at him. I was not going to fuck up. What's that gas or enturrologist? I'm not a yell I whispered.

I don't know. I'm like, God, these guys are dumb. Yeah, so I have to do it. I have to do it sooner than later. I've got the upper. Yeah, this is good. This is second. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it later. I'm going to do it later. I'm going to do it later. I've got the upper. Yeah, so yeah, I have to do it. I have to do it sooner than later. I got the upper This is sexy talk. This is ruining me. We have 22 year old fucking young comic and she's in it We're like I had the upper my got the polyp removed. I did go both. I can't already did the other one Well, how long ago a month ago? Okay, you did the upper a month ago. I did the upper a month ago. So you're asking you're done.

And he's going to tell you whatever it is and you're done. I'm scared. No, don't be scared. Here's the thing, this is the best part. If it's a pre-cancerist thing, you still, they take it out and you have to go. What if he finds a gun? What if he finds a gun?

What if he pulls out a revolver? He murdered nine people. They go after my tour schedule. What's your fucking women dead? A fair, it's Sarasota. Alright, listen man, let's wrap this fucker up. Another great one. So fun.

How great was Robbie first time? Did I, did I, the vouch? Fucking he was okay. It's great., I mean you good If you see it by himself this would be Robbie I'm fucking believe Thank you. Thank you. I'm having a nice awesome. Um what's your name again? Forrest you a good to for us. No, they're both you guys fucking awesome man. Thank you for coming on

Yeah, thanks right? There's good seeing you. Yeah, I'm glad you you hooked up. You know a lot of comics. It's hard because we do this once a week and a lot of comics try to get on you and you I'm glad you hooked up with gab and you know for all you comics out there trying to get on here with true we're trying to work it out. We do the schedule away in advance and trying to make things a little more streamlined for the show and it's been working because the show's been fucking great. This is this is like my second podcast home and I got to tell you like I have you know after you when you do your own podcast for a long time you're like I don't really want to go on other shows because I'm just

trying to build mine. But there's a few that like this one is just I have the most fun people come up after that other one people come up to me like it's just such a great time. So thanks for having me and thanks for like taking a recommendation of a friend too. Yeah I'm glad yeah I mean I'll never have a girl back on that I had you. That's fine. That's what you bump her but yeah I'm trying to take her gay so what we do. I could ask her about her new thing I mean that's a good that's first question out the gate yeah I think I'll be together. I would love we should do a husband like a boyfriend girlfriend episode Yeah, yeah, who did that one? Who do we have we had Lewis Kim?

I was supposed to be rich in Bonnie, but they did flex. Yeah, okay. All right. I'm gonna I'm gonna what are you gonna be buddy? What you got? I'm just my name's for a show since you remember but they are I remember you named dummy. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, what are you gonna be, buddy? What you got? Uh, I'm just, my name's Fora Shaw since you didn't remember, but they, uh, I remember you named Don Me I'm Kidding. Yeah, no, I know, I was kidding too. Oh, sorry. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'm a little nervous around you with the whole gun thing.

Uh, there I am right there. That's, yeah, that's great, because that's the new website. There's nothing on there. That's the person that built my website's house. That's where I'm gonna be. Ha, ha,? Hawaiian? It's not even supposed to be up there. Hawaiian. But, uh, how about the... How about the... Yeah, I'm not going to be on the road

around writing on the Jim Drefri show. So please watch that show so I can keep the job. How about that? They can ask you a question. Why? Why am I skinnier? Why do you have country? What the? I just... Country. I've never seen the NON-A-COMICS website. Country. I have a new website and it's not even supposed to be up. It's just supposed to

have like the thing e-mail me and it's so you're not supposed to even see this because we're like working on it. If you just put city we get that it was in the back. We're not going to have the country. We're going to take the country off. Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Los Angeles. The one in France. You're not supposed to see this, but eventually get a portion done now. I love comics websites, because I do it till you know, it's have to the skinniest headshot ever. I think you have to put one chubby one

just to see and he keep yourself honest. That was like right before, right after I ruptured my Achilles, I was still like, hey, a mobile. And then it was like, then I blamed myself for the last five years. I ruptured my Achilles by the way, five years ago.

Yeah. That's good. That's a heel jack. You're gettingings by the way. I had to wait until five years ago. Yeah. That's good. That was a heel jack. You're getting back on the train. He's 50 and out of killings man. Oh wait, it's fucking hell. You might want to get that checked out hanging your asshole. That's fucking hell.

I got a polyp in my killings. Dude, I hurt my knee 17 years ago. I've been fat ever since. Yeah, I mean. I'm using that from now on. Yeah, you should. I do it all the time. My back went out. If people don't ask you the Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm using that from now on. Yeah, you should. I do it all the time. My back went out.

If people don't ask you the timeline, then they're like, oh, it sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, really. Dude, I fucking, I had a seesaw accident once. I haven't been over recover. I feel like fourth grade dude. It's never been the same. At an earache.

Dude, there was a kickball. I was playing kickball. And this girl kicked the ball right into my knee went sideways. Have I'm in fact Well, my name is forest with two artists and the SHA W so you can find all my stuff my website That's not supposed to be a US United States I'm just making a lot of shit in the US coming up. So Los Angeles US Los Angeles Australia US. Not Los Angeles, Australia. Not to be Los Angeles, Japan.

Not used to European Los Angeles. The one in the States. I get down. But yeah, he performs Tiki bars all over Tahini. I'll be in Fiji later as you'll be. I love those orange tree behind what the fuck? What do you got there, Robbie? that's what I'm doing. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that.

I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that.

I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that.

I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. for a live podcast thing. Panicking now. I was a great the whole show. I got a thing with Gary. What are you fucking? He fucks me on the road. I gotta get spots. June 15th with Gary at Paramount Theatre on Long Island. Awesome. Awesome, buddy. Well, great having both of you guys, man. Thanks. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for having me.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Yeah, please. When you back in the US, what I'm back in this circuit. Congratulations on that show, too. Jim's a great guy. Yeah, it's going great. So please watch it.

So I have a job. That'd be great. It's going to be great. I was just begging, we get it. We're going to watch. Just say watch the show. Please watch it. I need money. Ah! That's a weird we get it. We're gonna watch Just say watch the show. Please watch it. I need money To say like people are gonna be like I'm a little honey

If Jim Jeffrey show on I don't there's nothing on my website. What else am I support American comedians? Yeah, give me the red DV's the way better call back than I deserve. That was great. I was a great call back. I even brought it all the way back from the beginning. It didn't get enough credit. What do you get to retire?

Show. I mean, it really was from the cars. I brought it back. I brought it back. I was tired. I was tired. I was tired. What do you get to do?

Maybe if it gave to me a little earlier, I would give to you. That's a call back to bitch. I'm gonna see I'm in a city all week. I just got added to oh we're doing that show. I'm doing that show with Bobby the fundraiser, but I don't think any fun. fundraiser's next Monday is next Monday. Plez, I mean, and this guy called me today. Yeah. Tony B. Tony Burton. Yeah. Fucking agent extraordinaire. Yeah. Agent of the great Mike Calta, and Arty Lang, he's the best. He caused me today, I want to thank you

for introducing me to Verzi. Really? I go, all right, I think it's gonna golden ticket to Willie Wonka's John. It's a fucking compliment from an agent, romantic. Really? It's a fucking, I just give you a puppy. No, yeah.

Really? I just got added on July 15th through the 18th, I'm going to be doing the the Borgata. And August, I'm going to be with Bobby Voss, Keith Robinson, at the Comedy Cellar, at the Rio. So July will be the Borgata from July 15th to the 18th. And the end of August, I'll be at the Rio, the comedy seller, and also new dates are coming out. And I think me and Bartonick might be jumping on a bill, birchow in Vegas, just so we could

go bed on the world cup and watch it in the sports book, which would be awesome. So you could check out my new website, Paul Verzi dot com Bobby. Gabby, thanks. Thanks so much for having me. Have the news site. It looks nice. It looks great. That's nice.

And yeah, and I'll be going to be making an announcement pretty soon on the specials. It looks nice. It looks great. That's nice. And yeah, and I'll be gonna be making an announcement pretty soon on the special. Awesome, buddy. Thanks so much. I want to thank you to the party too. Please thank you family. I love you. They loved you, by the way.

He was like, this kid's the best kid ever. Really? Yeah, he was fucking, stop acting like you're not a good guy. No, I mean, I can't, no, he was flipping out about you. I was like, he's, I go, he's one of the guys. Oh, that's good.

I go, he's one of the, he's one of us. Oh, I appreciate it. And Tony is one of us. We're gonna do a great benefit up there in Pleasantville next Monday. So if you're in Pleasantville, Westchester, buy a ticket, come see us. There's around 30 comedians on the show.

I said, dude, everybody's doing 10. Except me and verse. We're not doing fucking, we're not doing 30 minutes each. Oh, it's a marathon. Well, I told him I can't, you can't do it. You're gonna fuck everybody at the end of the show. You guys, we're gonna be like, what the fuck, you know what I mean? But he's gonna take care of it.

Burton's the best. So anyways, I wanna thank first of all laughable.com. laughable.com is the best app out there Discover podcasting through the comedians you love that's it you go you download this app at the app Apple store and you put it on if you like Podcasting this is it. This is the app to get it Spirals you out of control from one you this show is a perfect example You'll go you'll see Verzy then you'll go to Verzy you'll click on him He'll have all his podcast you'll see Robbie and everything you've been on from here

They'll see you and then find your podcast or other podcast You're then forced to do the same thing and you'll find other comedians through that and Gabby It's just it's an unbelievable app. Okay, it incredible. And the things that they're doing with it are amazing, okay? It's for the fans of comics and comedy podcasting. You have to go down laughable.com right now. Go there and check us out at laughable. Check out, you know what, dude, from laughable. And find all the comedians I've had on my shows

in the past and discover a bunch of unbelievable shows. I also want to promote the Comedy Cellar. Vegas is the hottest thing in Vegas right now. If you're going to Vegas, even if you're not, plan a trip and go to the Rio and check it out this week's schedule, these are fucking plucked right from the Comedy Cellar. Like I said before, you go to Vegas. You are rolling the dice when you go to a comedy show in Vegas. Unless it's a star that you know and you're paying $150 a ticket.

Not at the comedy show in Vegas, it is the shit, okay? Right, look at this weekend. You got Sean O'Donnell, Donnelly, you got the Matthew Brasard, you got Ian Edwards, and you got Chris De Stefano hosted by Mark Cohen. That's not so, that's amazing. That you can't get it. The showcase from New York is in Vegas now, thanks to the Comedy Seller.

And the room is brand new. It's the exact same village on the ground. We have here right on third. It's a crazy, and there's a code too. What's the code? Web chat for better prices and questions. I forget the code. Oh, I'm a real quick. There's a code you have to use. What the fuck is the code? Real quick. I want to get there's a code.

I want to think it's CC 2018 or CC 25 CC. I think it's CC 2018. I hate the iPhone. I fuck look at this. I shouldn't I fucking a thousand dollars for this phone And I got a fucking wait for it to catch up with itself fucking god Hi mama, how are you? First of all we're live on the YKWD doing late episode What's the code for people to get cheap particul at the comedy sell a Las Vegas in Rio. She sees social.

That's it. That is the code. Yes, they could use it on ticket master. They could use it at the box office here at the Rio where I am right now. And how are the shows going? Totally shit. They are so good. Big J and Yamanika dropped in this past weekend and murdered. They were in town to film their Netflix

specials. Which they're J's taping tonight, by the way. He's taping tonight. I'm going to go see him in a few. Right. And I heard you almost got arrested. Oh my God. I'm not doing this. I did. I almost got arrested. Wow. I almost got arrested. Oh my god I'm not doing this. I did. I almost got arrested. Wow. I almost got arrested. I was read my Miranda rights. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. But you didn't get arrested. No, thankfully. So everything's okay. Everything's okay. I didn't get locked up. I was read my rights. I sat in like the casino room with the sheet belts on the bench, the whole nine. Wow.

What do you know? Wow. But I'm free. Three at last. Well, I guess we'll talk about that when you come back. 100%. I love you. All right, I love you.

I'll talk to you soon. Bye. Yeah, I'm saving that one. That's a teaser for the next one. KWD. Liz. That's Liz. Yeah.

Oh wow, okay. Well, it didn't sound like her. No. It didn't really sound like her. No, I just talked her to the other night. It didn't sound like her at all. Sounded hot, right? I mean, I'm not, I mean, what the fuck?

I'm just fighting. Get the thing. I just go to go to overview. Right now, go to Robert Kelly, patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. This is my go to the overview, please click on that right there. Yeah, okay, if you go there right now, okay, look, we need to get fucking more followers over there. I want you, if you're a Lipson member, cancel it

and go over to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Become a member of my Patreon. I'm telling you right now, I know when we did the Lipson, I was like, I'm gonna have all this stuff. I can't. They don't let me have enough fucking bandwidth. I'm over at patreon.com right now. I have one on one with Versi. I have two of them up there. I got three live from the Sheds with Colin Quinn. I got, I got, I got, I got, Matt Sarah from the UFC, the fucking and Ron Bennington. I got two more coming out. Gabby actually edited the last one, amazing job. We have one-on-ones up the fucking kazoo. I got so much content up there. Most guys have a podcast in an extra episode. I've got so much more up there right now.

Plus I have my, what's it called? The fucking, what's the thing? Scroll up back, go back, go back, go back, go back. What the fuck is it called, Gab? fucking what's the thing scroll up back go back go back go back What the fuck is it called gab when I do the thing anyways? It's like a story whatever I do I go there every day Go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and become a member today if you're a fan of mine If you're not a fan if you're a casual fan This will always be free why KWD's free

But if you want to become a member and you're a fan of this podcast, become a member, there's a bunch of different options and you get this podcast before everybody else. And now my dates, I'm gonna be at McCurdy's this week at Unbelieble Club, Sarasota, Florida, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And then I'm in Burlington, Vermont on June 15th and I'm June 16th. I think the 14th, 14th, 15th and I'm June 16th.

And I think the 14th, 14th, 15th and 16th, bringing the family up there. Then we're going camping on the 17th and 18th, which my wife is gonna hate me for. And then tomorrow night we have the fat black closest to Gabby, Soastin. And yeah, there you go. So yeah, tomorrow night it's called Dirty Clean. Dirty Clean.

Tomorrow night Clean Dirty, what is it called? Dirty Clean. Dirty Clean. Where I'm going to be doing a half hour clean and a half hour dirty. That's going to be my new hour. I'm working on that and it's very hard not to say fuck. You guys are the best fans in the world. Thank you so much for listening.

You know what, dude? See you next week. Check out riotcats.com For all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás!

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