Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Mike Vecchione | Symmetrical

Episode Date: April 2, 2023

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Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la Dición Especial de Madrid nos liga.

Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Siempre que se mantenga las terconstancias económico financieras del solititante en el momento de la solicitud. We'll see WD's back again. Old school back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm thinking why I came to IUD's podcast. It's so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up, you ruined this. Brick the bar, man, I'm sorry. It's comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done.

Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. RIDGE IN HIGH RIDGE IN HIGH This is the original originality. During the height of the pandemic, my friend calls me up. He goes, Mike, do you want to go to Spain this year for running with the bulls?

I go, isn't that a bit soon? Remember last week, when the air almost killed us? Remember five days ago, we are almost murdered by the air. And now you want to go running with the bulls, which I know that's what it's called, but that's not actually what you're going to be doing. Running with the bulls implies that the bulls have accepted you, and you guys have decided to exercise together.

What you're going to be doing is running from the bulls. Do you understand the difference? Running with, running from. Everybody's so focused on pronouns now. Maybe we should take a look at some of these prepositions. Ah, all right. There you go. What a fucking great joke. What a great joke.

Robert Kelly here, we're live at the Commissar Studios above the great Commissar. These are the podcast studios. And I'm here back with the crew, the Autistic Four. They all have different superhero powers. And that, of course, is the great Mike Vecchione. That special right there is available on YouTube right now. And we're going to tell you all about it right now.

And I have the guy who did it and wrote it. And one of the funniest guys in New York City and one of the great joke writers of New York City of comedy right now. I mean, just so funny. Give it up for Mike Vecchion. What's up, dude? Thank you, buddy. Thanks for having me.

That's what I give it up for Mike Vecchion. They started applauding. It took a break from counting toothpicks. What did you say to me at the beginning? What did you say? Oh, I said, it's good that you got all the, it's pretty nice you got all the diversity out of your staff.

Yeah, no women, there's no minorities, it's all white men working for you. With the same dead stare. Yeah, no, but they're very... Same for white men with crippling disabilities. Yeah, I have disability. I went, women with too much of a problem. Yeah.

Minorities, just, I mean, waiting for a fucking something to happen. It's gonna happen. And then now I got disability. Disabilities, the way to go. Disabilities, the way to go. Sure, dude, you could fucking throw a piece of tinfoil on the table to run around it and look at it for an hour. They carrots.

I mean, these guys are nuts. I gotta imagine they're either not focused at all or super focused, like too much. No, it's either or. Yeah. It's always either or. Like max behind not focused at all or super focused like too much. No, it's but it's either or yeah It's always either or like max behind the thing right now super focus. Yeah. Yeah Mush he's somewhere else right now. He's probably staring at you going. I do right look at him Look at him in the eyes if you can more than a minute. Yeah Scary that's the whole podcast. Yeah

Just doing much in the hot Joe Joe we try to get mush shot of the frame of the shot because people will go, by the way, I want to kill me. No, he loves you. That's his love face. That's his love face. And Danny is just, Jesus Christ, look at him. Yeah, he wears ripped jeans like he's hip. They have a sun style-wise? Huh? This big J have a sun style-wise? Yeah, I think he does. like he's hip. He's big. He has a son, style wise.

Huh? This big J have a son, style wise? Yeah, I think he does. And then of course you're all at chain. It's coming. It's in the mail. And of course Joe Russell, who, you know, he's wearing, you know, community college professor shoes.

Fuck you. Who wears those? Oh my God. I mean, they can't, they, you wears those? Oh my God. I mean, they can't, you know, I don't know. A good group. Very funny guys. Yeah.

Very funny comedians though. And they're, I'm happy. I got the, I got this superhero team of the same face, but just a little different. Well, they're very protective because I got in here. It's like, I said, his Bobby here, and they go, he's in the bathroom. And then I went to go try the way.

He's in the bathroom. I was like, okay. All right. I think I could get murdered up here and nobody would ever know about it. They protect me like the seven dwarfs to Snow White. I mean, that's what I love about it. They'll fight anybody.

They'll win. They'll fight your Achilles. So dude, it's good to see you, man. I was on the train coming down here, speaking of weird looking people. Have you ever been on the train and just looked around and seen like there's 99% just weird, freakish looking Peter in this world. Right.

And I'm looking, do you ever see somebody who is just a hair off of being good looking? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, they're close. Dude, you're so close to looking like Matt Dillon. Right.

But something, somebody fucked a cousin or something happened somewhere. Someone ate the wrong fruit, you know, when it was out of season. Back in the like, the 1500s and someone got a brain disease, but the kids still came out. A something. I started going on the trade today.

I mean, I hair off of you. Movie star, good looking. But he was only three feet tall. But that's good, because that means he's attainable then. These guys who are like, took the circus. I'm not.

I'm not. No, no, no, he was, he was, no, he wasn't a midget, but he was, that's the problem. If he was a little person, fine. Right. He was a regular person. Right.

But very small. Those guys get shafted a lot. Yeah. Because if you're a little person, then you're in that category. And everybody thinks you're adorable. Sure. And then if you're tall and you're good looking,

then everybody loves you. But if you're just not short enough to be a little person. You're just a small person. You're the person God maybe took a little, you know, Biscotti Cappuccino break. Hey, give me a Biscotti Cappuccino. Hey, give me a Biscotti Capuchino. Anyways, and he's just doing it, but not thinking,

height, the height thing, and then, I mean, dude, he got up this high, and he had a receding hairline, and gorgeous hair. Yeah. I mean, gorgeous, but just thin. Wow. It's like, shit.

Just that close. Just that, you were five inches from being stunning. Five inches is kind of a lot though. So that's comforting to know that you might have hold five inches. That's all. Hey, what's up, son? But yeah, it's better to be,

I mean, we've all got our challenges. It's hard. Yeah, but the people, I mean, I'm an average looking guy, you're a average guy, but we're good looking average. We're, we're, we're good looking. Look, let me, let me bump up what you just said because I think we're not average. We're good looking blue collars. Yeah. Okay. So we fit into a certain category. So if you want an upper, elite, upper cross looking white, Ryan Reynolds, any of the riots, that's, you're not going to be attracted

to us. No. But if you're a meat and potatoes, blue collar, meat, want a guy who looks like he has a pension, like you're going to, you're going to gravitate towards us. And we're going to do very good in that field. And there's women like that too, or good looking blue collar women. They're not super models. No that too, or good looking blue collar women. They're not supermodels, but they're good looking blue collar women. Yeah, my wife. Yeah, I don't. What?

No, hey, what are you talking about? I think she's, I'm complimenting you. I'm dare you, I think she's blue collar. I'm actually hating on her. In front of you, through you. You know what she listens to this. First one. One of the, one of the autistic four is dying.

Who's dying? Oh, it was Danny. Oh my god, dude. Nobody had done that. Walk down stairs. I mean, we can still hear you. It's not a, it's not a real studio. There's not a soundproofed oil you jackass. We, it's worse because I'm like, worried about you.

Fuck, what, what, what happened? I swallowed some saliva. LAUGHTER What, what if you guys swallowed saliva? I swallowed some saliva. LAUGHTER What if you guys swallowed saliva? Well, sometimes they have too much. Yeah. Their tongues produce too much wetness sometimes. We have these involuntary systems in our bodies, most of us.

But these guys have to think about their systems and then it throws them off. It's like, yeah, it's involuntary for everybody. Yeah, he's like staring at you. She's like, I wonder if I can open him any. If you've got to swallow for nine minutes, and then he started choking. No, but yeah, it is weird.

Like, there are not, there are not, the upper echelon of good looking. I want everybody to get offended. Depends on what you see. It's good looking. I think a lot of people are beautiful down there. There's a mathematical thing to the fake. I think Oprah did it one time

where they broke down the math matter. She wasn't on it. It's just fucking dumb shit. But no, they broke it down like the mathematical. There's a mathematical. Right now right now. Fight a good producer. He'd be fucking searching that up right now. Right now, fight a good producer, be up on the screen. Bond fire, it's up.

Yeah. I mean, Jay has to yell at Christine right in her life. Right. Hey, no, I'm kidding. That's part of the show. Part of the show, of course. So there's, oh, he's got it. Look at that, right there.

Balance. Okay. What do we got? But I think they said that, oh, he's got it. Look at that, right there. Balance. Okay, what do we got? But I think they said that like huge, she's going on and on like huge Jackman. Either it was, she was saying huge Jackman is really good looking and then the mathematical thing was like, no, he's not. But yeah, there's, I agree with that.

Symmetrical, that's what it is. I knew it was a math term that I didn't know. Symmetrical is beautiful. True or false. All right, let's go. Let's didn't know. Symmetrical is beautiful, true of false. All right, let's go. Let's look at some of these. Can we look at some of these? Here we go.

Ready? Click. One, two, click. Click and zoom. What does this mean? Symmetrical. I don't understand. Isn't symmetrical the both sides are the same?

Is that the definition of symmetrical? I guess. Both sides, the top and the bottom. Is that the definition of symmetrical? I guess. Both sides, the top and the bottom. No, it's sides. It's both sides are the exact same. Well, here's the thing. I mean, I want to say this. I don't know.

Beauty's in the eyes of the behold. I've heard that, and I believe in that. Yeah. That's my motto. Right. Because what you think is beautiful, I might not. What? I think is beautiful.

You might not. Right. But according to beautiful, I might not. I think is beautiful, you might not. Right. But according to science, that's wrong. Excuse me. There's some things that are objectively beautiful. And this is it right here. Well, I mean, if you look at, like Ryan Reynolds, right? Ryan, Ryan Gosling, which one are you?

Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds. Which one do I like better? Yeah, which one would you be with? Ryan Reynolds has like that sarcastic wit that I really like. I actually disagree with that. I think Ryan Gosling has a better sarcastic wit. I've heard Ryan Gosling is a great person though. He's a great, he's really a great actor and he's a great human being.

And he's really, he's good looking too. But it's like that blonde, that blonde, I don't know if it blue eyes, but it's like that really Anglo looking guy. That neither of us, like I'm not even threatened by them because neither of us fit into that category. No, yeah. No, we don't fit into that shredded,

no, 2% body fat. Yeah, no, we don't fit into that shredded now. 2% body fat. Yeah, millionaire. Yeah, witty. Yeah, I'm trying to think who's our blue collar, like whoever springs things about, that's us. Who, who would the actor be that we would be? Like if we were in a... Like a John Favreau.

No. I love John Favreau, but I don't want to be John. What about like a Vince Vaughn? He's really cool, though. I'll do a Vince Vaughn. Yeah, but there's got to be somebody, because our height, we don't have the height. Yeah but I don't want to be John. What about like a Vince Vaughn? He's really tall though. I'll do a Vince Vaughn. Yeah, but there's got to be somebody because our height, we don't have the height. Yeah, we don't got the height.

Now, and John Favaro's tall too, has tall as a big. Is he really? Has tall as Vince, yeah, maybe a little shorter, but he's big. I didn't know that. Who would we be? Who would we be? That was my go to Favaro. Now, but I'm not that tall.

Yeah. They say that not that tall. Yeah. They say that's near. It was really short. Danny DeVito. That's four eleven. Four, he is very, I met him. He's very small. Yeah, he's very small.

I don't know. Fred Flintstone will be, that's too ambitious. It's like Barney or more Barney. If we were Barney and Fred, would you be Fred? Or would you be Barney? No, I'd be Barney. I'd be Fred. Yes.

Sure. Barney. If we were Barney and Fred, would you be Fred? Or would you be Barney? No, I'd be Barney. I'd be Fred. Yes. Sure. Barney! Yeah, I had, did you have dreams of being, what'd you say?

The dinosaur shower. That was a great show. It was an innovative show. What do you mean, why? You remember the Flintstones? Yeah. The shower would be a dinosaur just like spitting water at the end. Oh, oh yeah.

The record page was a bird. Yeah, and the bird's beak. Yeah, and then it would always like the vacuum cleaner was like some kind of a dinosaur. And the vacuum cleaner was like a little elephant, like one of those. Yeah, you know, it would happen to be like this. And it would spit it out. They would always say something sarcastic. It was a great show.

And it was like, it was a sitcom. The elephant was a shower. What else you got? Yeah, the record player was the... The bird. Yeah, wasn't it like a fountain with a thing with spitting water into your mouth? What's that? What's the one right there? I mean, the producer's the worst.

He's just, he's looking at him too. Instead of bringing him up so we can actually comment as the funny ones, he's trying to think of funny. Just click on one Maximus. I'm calling you Maximus. There you go. What is that? I think that was just I think they used the the elephant for a lot. It's like shower. It was a woolly mammoth back then. It was a woolly mammoth, but they did it. He did everything. And then his boss, Mr. Slate, everything is stone related. I tell you that house, I would love that house. It's a great, it was a great,

it was a really well thought out, fleshed out idea, fleshed out, fleshed, that fleshed light. I wonder if you went back in time, if we had a time machine and we go back to the Stone Age, and we just made all these things for them. Yeah. Do you think they flip out? Now, do, give me the bird. Watch this.

Oh, yeah, it wasn't alpha. The elephant was everything, dude. The elephant was a slave. The elephant was the first slave. Look at that little baby vacuum elephant. What a sad thing that is. That's so great. It looks depressed. The vacuum cleaner looks depressed. sad thing that is. That's so great. And it looks depressed.

The vacuum cleaner looks depressed. Of course it is. It has no childhood. But then they, his poor mom is just cleaning them off and cleaning their dishes. What's the one up top? Put his out on.

That's the same one. You fucking fuck face. What's that? Somebody's got that joke. Who has that joke where it's like they're getting high and they watch the Flintstones and they're like, this might be me, but I think Barney's wife is pretty hot. I think that's Richard Jenny.

I think Jenny has that joke. He's like, I don't know, this might be me, but I think Wilma Flintstones is pretty hot. Let me correct you, I had that joke. Sorry. Look that correct you, I had that joke. Sorry. Looked that joke up, kids. Yeah, there's the birds.

All the, here's the thing though. All these appliances that they made out of animals are sad as shit. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I didn't realize that when I was watching the show. I mean, every animal is like this sucks. Yeah. I am a record player slave.

It was a stone age. It was brutal times. And then you have, in contrast, the Jetsons, were you a big Jetsons guy? Were you more Jetsons or Flintstones? Flintstones, 100%. Oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, because I was a, I was a secret fatty back then

in those ribs at the beginning. Ah, woof. Tilted the car over, over, into the ground. The best, they're right there. What were those ribs called? They had a name for it. Look at that. Look at the girl walking them out.

Oh, would that be great if they had those ribs? You think of William Marmos around we'd kill him and eat him? Absolutely. How can we don't eat elephants? How come nobody's ever tried an elephant fucking knee? Because they never forget. So if you miss them, they just hold that grudge. You see, when there was a new story in India where this elephant got free from a circus

some hours ago, you have been in shower doing menial tasks. India still does the Flintstone stuff. It attacked this elephant elephant attacked one woman. It like attacked one woman who was not nice. It was not nice to this elephant. The elephant singled out and then people like couldn't believe it. They're like, you're, it's singled out this one.

It left everybody also alone and just, it was like, she was getting married too or something and it was like, just attacked. Wait a minute. Lary that elephant kills woman and returns to her funeral to attack her corpse. What is he in the crypts?

It's very gang. Oh my God. What the fuck? He never forget, man, they're amazing. Yeah, they never let go either. These fucking resentful assholes. What the fuck? There we go.

They have emotions. What is it? It's on the maparer. It's watch this. Is this the elephant killing her? Oh, he went through the house. I mean, let's not, let's be, I mean, I could go through the house. It's made a dirt mud.

I mean, it's not that hard. Wow. How are you just watching the house? Are we going to watch it? Nobody wants to watch the aftermath. Do you have an attack for us, please? Sky, we're watching the old guy rummage through for photos and a toe from the old lady.

Wow. Yeah, but that's pretty crazy, Ben, that the elephant remembers that and goes after one person. Yeah, I'm like that. You drop, Grud. You don't hold grud. No, I don't. I lose them right away.

I don't. I can't. I'm too crazy. Yeah. I'm around too many fucking crazy people. Yeah. And too many viciously mean funny people over the years, even back before I hung up a comic.

So all my friends, my five uncles are assholes. Yeah. You know, just ball busting. My uncle came to see me this weekend in at Saratoga. I'm 52. I have a child, a house, a wife. Right. And he's still busting my balls.

Like his friend comes up and we're in this nice jacket I got. It's like, whatever. It's like a satin silk. It's really cool. Japanese riding in a drag. Whatever I got it. You know, yeah, I'm dressing a little nicer now that I dropped some weight.

Yeah, I'm dressing like a gay dancer. Yeah, that's what happened. This friend walks up and goes, hey, were you signing something for me? I'm like, yeah, of course, whatever you want. No, no, your uncle said that I could sign, I could sign your jacket, you'd sign it, let me have your jacket.

Because it's really nice, little. But it's like, it's whatever. It's not that he would wear. Right, I don't even say no. And I felt like, I'm fucking, I want to go on 50 fucking two. I'll fight both of you, fucks right now. I'll kick in your fucking knee. You want to fuck it?

I got so, like, I'm a demon. Well, it's not even the what he's saying. It's just the way that you're describing it. It's like, when somebody comes with that kind of energy, it just not even what he's saying. It's just the way that you're describing it. It's like when somebody comes you with that kind of energy, it just immediately puts you on the bat. You're like, all right, dude, whatever you're saying is not. Because somebody else could be saying something, the same thing with just like a different, like a tone,

like, hey, man, I'm just a huge fan. You know, they could be almost saying the same thing, but just that tone of like, hey, bud, hey, it's like that aggressive, it just makes you like, what? But here it is, it's my uncle pushing him to sign the... And in my head, my brain just goes forward, like he grabs the pen and signs my jacket. They don't even make like, he ruins my...

And now I have to, you know what I mean? And then I immediately stop. I'm like, this is the, I've been going through this since it will never end. Yeah. Like your ball, my five uncles will bust my balls for the rest of my life, because that's what they do. But are they on the Italian side or on the Irish side?

Irish. Okay. So is it, like Italian side or on the Irish side? Irish. Okay. So is it like I didn't grow up Irish obviously. So is it like Joe's movie? Is it like those guys? Yeah. Is that pretty close to what it is? Yeah.

Yeah. Which you were great in by the way. Yeah. Thank you very much. I told you that right afterwards like at the premiere. I was like, oh no, no, you didn't come to the... I went to the premiere. Did you come to the after party?

Yeah. But I didn't go to the after party. No. But I didn't think it did. But it was. But I was two days out of fucking gastric sleep surgery. I'm just sitting there on stage in pain and having Nick Topago, you fat fuck, you fat fuck, you can't find it. And I'm just like, I'm trying. Oh, fat, I tell you what, that's why I don't have, I don't know if I can own a gun.

I would just like fucking. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I don't know if I can own a gun. I was just my fucking day. Oh, cool. I'm not that anymore. This is it. But is that true? Put this on Twitter. But that kind of ball bust thing and I just push everything. It's like, it's like different than Italians, I think,

because it's like that. I was like, they push it all, my experience with Irish people is it? Yeah. They push it, they're good dudes, good guys. They push it down, push it down, push it push it down then when they get drunk. It's a Over-emotional. Yeah, it's super emotional. Well, it's um is my mic hot. I can't really hear it I did you test the mics max? Yeah, you did yeah, they're okay

So we're not recording any of this I know it's a good try run dude. The problem is he records all of it. Even after, we're sitting there talking about trash and comics and, oh, did I supposed to shut it off? Oh, that's a great, we don't have a Patreon. Patreon.com.com says Robert Kelly. Join now, support. I want to thank all the Patreon people too for watching live when the chat.

We got questions from them from Mike later. And if you're not watching our Patreon, subscribe. Right there, click the button, like, comment. Yeah, dude, I just think it's a different thing now with, like, you can't really bust. Some people do in my life. Bus max balls. Like, and I kinda, I'm okay with it.

Like, our guy up in the Hampshire. Guy Barry, he we bought the land off of he's doing all the work on our land and all that. He's kind of like our guy. But he's a man. He's a man from the Hampshire. And you know, Max will fuck around and Barry will fight back, you know,

he'll rough house too much. And scare Max. Max like, Dad, he scares me. I'm like, well listen, don he'll rough house. Yeah. Too much. And scare Max. And Max's like, Dad, he scares me. I'm like, well, listen, don't fuck with him. Yeah. Say, don't, I don't want to, but you can't, I go once that happens, right? Yeah.

You can't fuck with him. Yeah. And he's a guard, and he gets it. That's good. So he understands. Yeah, it's like, dude, you know, don't, don't go up to him and, yeah him and then he comes up and hits you with a metal rod and the shin.

You need to take that. You know, hate? That's a little extreme, but I like what you're saying. We just, we just dived into a child abuse a little bit, but I liked the general point of what you were saying, yeah? You point your finger at him like that and say something. He takes your fingernail off with a fight one of those all tools Yeah, really quick

He responds with anything on his tool belt. Yeah Hit him with a leveler filed and down You know, your mother to get smacked in the knee with a ballpoint hammer. Don't wise off the berry No, it's It's a it's a it's a a thing like that night. I am really good, mad, but I, I, 100% let it go. Like right away, because it's just, it's, it's too out, I'll keep it. I'll keep it. I'll go, I'll be on my pillow at night.

Yeah. And I'll be fighting with this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who the fuck you signed my jacket? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do that. You're playing out that whole drama in your head. Okay. Your mind is really the, it's really just keeps going. It just, just like, it comes up with all this stuff. I guess that's something from our prehistoric days back to the Flintstones

where it's just like, it's just constantly running its own program. It's just constantly running. Could you imagine back in the prehistoric days, having, you have no police, there's no rules. No. And that's why those things where the guy just hits the chicken, the head with a shovel, like a big fucking caveman bat. Yeah. He just clubs around the head,

because he was in his head all night, like, hey, fucking you shut up. I made a shut up. I thought a fucking T-Rex brought it home, had a fucking, I had a dacto leg for breakfast, fucking just wake up, fucking, good. Fuck you. And you go to these places sometimes

I was in Grand Rapids two weeks ago and it's like, you braggar. I'm just dropping where I was, dropping my dates. I do it the worst way, which I drop where I was. Where were you? Now I was doing that Gilder's Comedy Festival. Oh, cool, Gilder Rader? Yeah.

She passed. Yes. It's the whole festival is for cancer, or do you read it? Oh, good man. Good, good, good. I mean, not good that people have to answer that we have to do to raise money, though. Good raise money.

I think it's what Bobby was trying to say. I was. I was trying to say it's a good thing that we raise money for cancer. Not that they have cancer and it's an opportunity to have gigs. But you're sticking to the no diversity on your staff. You're digging your heels in there. I do know I have diversity. Oh, it's just disabilities.

The disability. Yeah. It's the DD group. I guess disability diversity. Yeah. Go ahead. Try to stay one in the eye for more than five seconds. I don't want to. Watch what happens. I don't want, I think that's how they give it to you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They all started out normal. Max came in and gave the rest. The other thing. Oh, my God. I'm like an apocalypse. No, so I go to Grand Rapids and everybody, all the guys giving me rides were like these former cops, former military. It's like you do a lot of hunting. They do a lot of fishing now. It's like one guy was a school bus driver and it's like, I go, what do you do when you're not driving the bus because you get all that time during the day, he goes, I'll do Uber Eats.

Like these guys, these like quote unquote, meanial jobs that we see in New York, it's just how people live in these other places. Sure. And anyway, he was like, yeah, I do a lot of hunting, a lot of fishing and stuff. It kind of makes you feel like less than a man when you're sitting in the passenger side, the man's going do a lot of hunting, a lot of fishing and stuff. It kind of makes you feel like less than a man when you're sitting in the passenger side. The man's going, yeah, a lot of hunting, a lot of fishing.

I do a lot of, it's a, and I was at the show and I go to the crowd. It's like, I met a lot of hunters when I was up here, but I'm actually okay with it because I'm more of a gatherer. But he had a long way to go to get to that joke. Are you more, you're not a gun, you're a hunter. I don't know how to do any of that. I don't know how to do that. But you would learn it first. Yeah, I would learn it.

I would learn it and do it. But I played sports and all that stuff. But and sports is just like any basketball football. It's just a version of hunting. Sure. It's just mimicking hunting basically. It's what it is. Yeah, you wrestle there.

Yeah, the rest of you could go up, grab a deer, drag it down, choke it out. Bam, bam, snap its neck. Yeah. And then choke it is. Yeah, you're wrestler. Yeah, the rest of you could go up grab a deer, drag your down, choke it out. Bambeys snap its neck. Yeah. And then you could rip its liver out. And then he did. Yeah, from the asshole. Do you ever watch that? Do you ever watch it when animals? I stopped watching porn and I started watching when animals attack other animals.

It's like, why? It's something to fill it. Why did you stop watching porn? I think it's bad for your, it's not a moral judgment. Anybody who does it, but it's just bad for your brain. Why, why, why? It releases a dopamine.

It's too much dopamine, and then you need, I mean, you need more and filter and filter your things to get you aroused. Right. So there's something in that that's not good. I don't know the science behind it, but there's something in that that's not good for you. Right.

When that dopamine drop, when the science behind it, but there's something in that that's not good for you. Right. When that dopamine drop, when you're doing it and it's such like food, drugs, porn, when you're just going, fuck, I'm doing it. It's like popping a pill. Yes. Yeah. So I don't like to feel that way. Right.

So I just stopped doing it. And now I'm watching these animals, these animal attack videos and the pride of lions. It's really weird how lions work together. It took down a zebra. Like one lion takes down a zebra and the rest of the pride comes over and they start, the first of all the way they take it, they take it by the neck.

They attack, they jump at the neck. Right. And there's that before, like right before, because the zebra looks up and it's got its reflexes. And it's like, the zebra starts running and the lion, hopefully for the lion, is close enough and gets chases up and just takes that lunge into the neck and takes the zebra down. Then the pride comes around and the zebra struggle and they all start eating the zebra,

while the zebra is alive, which is they call fresh. It's very fresh. And they just start eating the zebra. And the zebra is alive. And the zebra at one point. And there's like 10 lions eating its stomach and all this stuff. And the zebra, after a point,

like looks at, and bites the lion's neck. It was like, fuck this. And bites the lion's neck being... While he's being eaten. You know, because he's like, I'm not gonna just take it. I mean, I he's like, I'm not gonna just take it. I mean, I'm gone, but I'm not gonna just take this. You're gonna stop from doing it.

Well, last to raw. Right. Yeah. And bites the lion's, and another lion comes around from the outside and bites the zebra's neck. So the zebra has to stop biting the other lion's neck. It's like, so the zebra, I'm trying to say, it's teamwork.

The zebra actually, yeah, this is crazy. That's not a zebra though. That's a buffalo. That's the wrong video. Es la tres por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line. 1. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno. 3 por uno. Ah, no, no, no.

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Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Um, yeah, I don't want to watch this one. This is the buffalo. And I guarantee the buffalo wins. Yeah, the buffalo. The buffalo has, yeah. Yeah. Hyena's are also another crazy.

The hyena's attacked a lot. You can figure like nothing's gonna take down a lion. But these hyenas are a number. They just have numbers. A hyena has a stronger bite than a lion. Oh, really? Yeah. Hyena's a no joke.

They're no joke. Though they mean vicious little animals. icious. And when they get a stupid lion out by itself, they'll try to take it out, which I respect. But then you get the other lion, but you know the motherfucker of the jungle is the elephant. Yeah.

Not the lions don't fuck with an elephant. An elephant will step on a dumb lion's head. You know what's a big one too, is rhinos. Rhino? Rhino's, or what's the one, hippo? Hippos. Hippos are in the water, yeah. Hippos kill more people than anything over there.

Wow. Yeah, hippos just kill everything. Yeah, hippo, I mean, they just, they just, they go into the like, rock an aisle. Yeah. And they just come up and just murder, murder, murder. And they fly through the water.

Yeah. I would love to go over there and see. Now, here's the thing though, they take people out to jungle. And there's a pride of lions just feeding on a gazelle and these bunch of fat British tourists snapping away. And then the lions starts walking up to them. I don't know, it's like, I don't want it.

I want a cage. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to open air fucking range Rover. You ever been to Lion Country Safari? What is that? I said in Florida, but it's like a thing where you drive through, and I've never been, but I really want to do it.

It's a good test for how stable your car is. Because these animals are like walking out to it. It's like, wow, I hope my car isn't good shape because of this lion. Oh, is that it? Oh, look at that. What are they walking through the parking lot? No, I really love it because you just drive through it.

The animals are roaming free and you're in your car and you're driving through it and your car is what keeps you safe. Okay, but some of these people rolled down their windows. Yeah. I mean, what's wrong with you? Why would you roll down your window? I love the idea behind this too because it's like, I don't have time to go to a zoo, so I'm just going to go through a drive through a draft

That's stupid that's giraffe giraffe's the dangerous two man. You ever see a giraffe attack It tries to hit you with its head. It swings its head like a fucking mallet and tries to kill you Wow, yeah, do anything over there will kill you. Yeah. We supposedly had lions here in the United States. And then what happened? We killed everything. Oh, yeah, we do.

We're good Americans. Yeah. We, listen, we wiped out anything that could possibly fuck with us. We went out, made a jacket out of it, and fucking built the stuff. Yeah. Took them down and built an Applebee, sorry. Even the Indians, right? We fucked up that moto.

Applebee's, Applebee's. I love Applebee's, it's a favorite little song. Oh, I just had that. You had riblets? Yeah, I was in Times Square, and I had some time to kill, and I went and got riblets. At Applebee's? At Times Square?

In Times Square. That's old school, that's 1992. That was like doing an Applebee's in Times Square. That's old school. That's 1992. That was like doing a manaple business time square. Yeah, I just want to I Wanted like vegetables on the side like I couldn't get it, you know, you're still on the no sugar no grain no sugar no But fasting. Oh here it is right here Look at that approach on foot. They use their head You call doesn't guarantee your head. They have this tiny horn almost.

Yeah, but their head is like fucking like 800 pounds. Oh, this guy's voice stinks. Giraffes are mostly silent. Here you go. Look at the stupid guy with a bike. Oh, please attack him. Please attack him. I love that we're just watching Giraffes walk.

My guy stings. I mean, I was gonna type in here. Giraff attack. And then, yeah, but then look at the video that has a guy being attacked. We just walked Giraff's walk over dirt road. That's the warm up. For five.

The warm up of it. I'm sorry Max, do your best. But do you ever see the one where it's like, my favorite one is that. You might as well be a little doll just in your room that wakes up in the middle of the night. Hi. A snake eating a goat.

Why? Because the goat is always, the goat or some bigger animal is always like, you ain't gonna, the goat doesn't even look intimidated. It looks like you're small. You're not gonna be able to do anything. And the snake dislodges its jaw and swallows the thing whole.

And they're like, they're just like, Hey man, I didn't know you were gonna grow. Hey dude. I think that's where you I fucked up, man. That's where you apologize. Hey, dude, who the work to sew? And then the snake looks like the goat. He has slow metabolism.

Takes him a year to digest him. The snake. The snake. Is that a snake goat? It looks like a goat wearing a snake jacket. Yeah, I really. That's exactly. He's like trying it on.

Oh my God, look at that. And they do that weird summer salt. Yeah, where it's like they flip and then do it. Snakes are nuts. I mean, just nuts. Here's the thing, too. Look at all those flies. Yeah.

One strict trust, prophet. Nature is a family guy. I had that really funny thing where it's like they did a show. There's a show on Family Guy that they was called. Damn, nature, you scary. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's a joke. We need to devour the country.

Dude, all right, thanks, dude. You want to watch us eat it in real time? He's the worst. I'm just like, well, little we watch it. It's like the opposite of giving birth. What? Ha ha ha. Well, he is watching, snake in real time.

Fuck. He doesn't know. It's gonna take seven hours for that snake to get that fucking dumb thing out. Yeah, dude, it's, I'm glad we killed it all. Yeah. Yeah, I don't care. I mean, we had to be safe.

Here's the thing. They let, they stopped killing wolves, right? They stopped killing bears. They stopped killing great white sharks. Remember back in the 80s, there was no, there was no great white shark. You had to go to Mexico or South Africa. Yeah, yeah. For the shark week,

they had no sharks here. Now, you got 75 great whites off of a long island and Cape Cod. I mean, just fucking, you know, 20 footers. It's just going up and down the coast. Yeah, yeah. Because we stopped. Yeah, we stopped. We stopped killing the seals, which was their food source.

Right. So we killed their food source. They're like, hey, we're not going to Cape Cod this summer. Why, yeah. Why, dad? Listen, there's no food up there, buddy. And we can't take food up from South Africa. You're too long of a trip.

But dad, I love Cape Cod. I love P town. I'm sure you do, you little, you little fucking sassy shark. We're not going to go. We're going to have to go to Mexico. Mexico is dangerous, dad. They have cartels. They make us in the boots down there. It's actually more dangerous to go to Mexico, I think. This cartels are no joke. They kill your family, you know, cars and sharks.

Cartels are bad. Oh my God. There. I didn't want to talk about them. What if they're a fan of YKWD? If they're a fan, that's good. Yeah, but we start trashin' them right now. I let you, Bobby. But now you're going to have to pay. You embarrass me in front of my son, the day I had him on. And I say, listen to this. You know what, dude.

And you try... You and Mike, Vecchione. Oh, he... Someone's at his house right now. I know. I don't want that trouble. No, you want to wrestle them? You fucking... Oh my God, I just't want that trouble. No, you might have wrestling on them, you fucking. Oh my God, I just end up getting, you're like Denzel and equalizer three. Hi, you two, nobody knows you have those skills.

If you could be like a street justice guy, would you do it? If, say, say, you got all the money you want. You have to work for money, you got money. And you could just go and deliver street justice. Like the city of New York. Yeah, but in the way that it's framed like in the 80s, I would do it. But now it's like, if you do it, it's like,

that person was it, that it turns out there, they're a victim, and then you're the bad guy. Why? Yeah, it's just whatever the person is. Like, he was just looking for directions. And you know, I was like, he's a criminal, but he is. Like he was just looking for directions. And he was like, he's a criminal, but he was just asking for directions. And then you choked him out.

It's like, you're the idiot now. It's like, I don't want to, I don't want to do it. In the 80s though, when everything was like, that's why I love that, the movie The Joker. What a great movie that boy. Why? Because it shows, it shows you, and I'm really not into superhero movies or whatever,

but it just shows you how he became what he was. Right. And all of the stuff that happened to him where he was like, he was mentally unstable, his mom was a single mom lied to him, it's all the stuff. It's like, and then it just like builds and builds and then the city stops his Medicaid. It's like set in the gritty 80s of New York City. Right. So it's like, there's none of this politically correct

whatever we're living with now, this nicer, kinder society. Everything's just gritty. And we're all like in it together, and they cut his medication. He starts to spiral. It's like, that is just, I know it's a superhero movie, but it's just, it's very good.

It tracks very well for what he becomes. And also the fact know it's a superhero movie, but it's very good, it tracks very well for what he becomes. And also the fact that he's a comic and that weird thing, what's like when you're like, trying, but you're not getting laughs, and you know, you're feeling awkward inside about like, it's that kind of embarrassment. It's like when you're young and comedy and you're bombing,

and you don't have the perspective to own it yet. So you're in that weird like, right guys? And it's like that weirdness where it's like, and it can turn into malicious like a... You're literally describing everybody who works on this podcast. All those scenarios have happened to these guys. Now that I think about it, yeah.

She's sort of gun right now. Yeah. It's like, uh, and our friends were in that movie. A career was in it. A career, everybody was in that movie. A step for us. Yeah. They made a second one.

Oh, did they? It's a musical. Oh, everything becomes a musical. I'm waiting for COVID to musical. I don't, I don't, I don't understand how this, I mean, this movie was so epic, but this is going to be a musical. What the fuck? I don't, I don't, I don't understand how this, I mean, this movie was so epic, but this is gonna be a musical. What the fuck?

I don't know. Tim Dillon's in it. Is he really? Yeah. And he says it's good. He's, you know, for him to say anything good with me talking cynical. Right.

Yeah, we're, we're singing. Yes, it's terrific. I moved to Austin to do the show. It's great. I have a home. It's good. I have a good time. They have two good restaurants open to 630 at night. He knows all the restaurants. He knows every good restaurant.

He knows all the good food. I know. It's such a good guy. Yeah. I love him. Love it. Where did you shoot your special, dude? Shot at a Zanies and Nashville. Zanies and Nashville. Which is a great, great.

It was a great place. And I got to give shout outs to 800 pound gorilla because they shot it and it looks unbelievable. It looks really, really good. Oh, that's great. Ryan and Damien, right? Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Great 800-Bug-Roll.

It just really... Did they come to you or did you go to them? How'd that happen? Actually, I went to Nate. You went to Napar-Gazzi. No, actually, Nate came to me and was like, do you want to do this? And I was like, is that the accent he used? I don't know.

I don't know. Do you want to do a special man? You're not good at voices. I'm not doing it, but that's my best Nate that I possibly do. But he came to, I was on the road with him opening a little bit and he was like, do you want to do one? And I was like, oh my god, this would be, because I was about to just shoot it myself. Yeah.

And I tried and I tried a couple of times to shoot it myself and he was like, no, no, we'll do it. We'll get 800 pound involved. Yeah. And he got it, he got them involved and then it just, from there. That's great, man. Yeah, they're great.

Nate's great. I love that he did that. That's really, it was really something. And he's got two more coming, they're great. Nate's great. I love that he did that. That's really it was really something and he's got two more coming out Greg Warren and Joe Zimmerman. So he's gonna start posting this On his page these specials on is that where it is? Is it on his page on his page the Nate land? That's great. He's creating his own little Network. Yeah. Yeah, Louie did the same thing with mine. That's awesome is these guys who are in that spot Yeah, to bring a couple of the guys up here check this out. Yeah, that's it. That's awesome. Is these guys who are in that spot to bring a couple of the guys up here, check this out.

That's what we should be doing. We should be doing it. Yeah, instead of people hoarding their fan base, which is kind of what happens until they get sick of it and it becomes kind of novelty to, hey, look at this guy. But these guys are doing it now with their peak, which is great. Right. Nate, I mean, Nate. It's a it now with their peak, which is great. Right. Nate, I mean. It's a very unselfish thing to do.

Sure. It's like, because he's growing and growing and growing. And he's like, oh, I want to create a platform for my brand of comedy, basically. People who like this kind of comedy. And it's clean. Yeah. It's not like, I'm fucking disgusting.

Well, it's clean, but I don't like saying it's clean because if you say I'm a clean, if you say it's clean, to some people it translates is it's not funny. Really? Yeah, I think so. I think some people go, oh, it's clean. That means it's not funny.

But, you know, as well as I do, like I came up, we came up into the New York City. I'm a product of the New York City system, I would say. I did three years in Philly and then moved here and came out of the same club as Big J and Kurt and Joe moved, Deros moved eight months before me. So I came out of that club, but in New York City is like, I'm a product of the New York City system,

which is joke heavy, like intimate club joke heavy. It's jazz. It's jazz. Yeah. just joke heavy, like, you know, intimate club, joke heavy, cause jazz, yeah, it's jazz. Yeah, and it's also, but there's no, there's no, it's like the intimate spaces that you perform here, it gives you feedback real quick, like remember the Boston Comedy Club, I came in at the end of the Boston Comedy Club.

So I came into that and it's like, if you're bombing it, and we had shows like every night, comics ran every night. The shows during the week. And if there were four people there, if there were six people there, we'd have a show, and you go.

If you could possibly, you would scrap to get on stage, first of all, you would have to like hang out and see if you could get on stage. And then when you got on stage, you went after it because you didn't want to bomb, you wanted to, you know, work your craft even in front of four or six people. Yeah.

So in those end of been spaces, it's like, you know, it forces you. It's a meaty, like joke heavy. Because if you get a laugh, it worked. Yes. If four people liked it, it's like, oh shit, that's a good joke. Right.

100%. So it was trial. I think it's changed now and it is what it is with technology and stuff. And a lot of, you know, the seller is packed every night and that's great. But, you know, I'm not in the seller as long as you, obviously. But I do remember the half breaks at the seller. I do remember going on super late and there being 10 to 15 people. People who don't know about that at the seller, they used to do one

continuous show from nine, nine at night. They would start at nine, even during the week until two in the morning. Right. And then they, they brought it earlier and they would take a break, I think, at nine. Yeah. And you could stay or you could leave as an audience member. Yeah. And then they would start it up again, which is so weird. Yeah. I mean, what a weird.

Well, no, I mean, I was hosting back then. And then in between the shows, they would do a half break and you would just stay on. You would stay on. While they were breaking. While they were, while they were people were leaving and other people were being seated, the host was expected to stay on and just do material.

And then when everybody was settled again for the second show, you'd bring the first act of the second show on. So glad I wasn't hosting that. I mean, I was hosting from nine to two, which was terrible. Because it was always like, like, God-free, a closing. Yeah. I love God. Yeah, yeah love God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, and then you know like six hot Dominican brothers would come in with arti, like right at the end and like, yeah, it's so loud. And I would be like, hey, and I just have to, I let his money on fire. I would because he wouldn't get off. It's like quarter to three, two, and I gotta go. And all the way, we're sitting in the hallway,

like begging him. Yeah. And he would be like, and then he'd look at you, and be like, oh, is that the light? You mean the thing that's flicking in your face? Yeah. But it was all trial by fire. You've been pulled over by the cops.

You know what the light is. But it was trial by fire back then, I would say, you know, it was like very like you would have to go and hang out at the clubs in order to get up and stuff and, and, and to meet people. Like, I don't know if my first couple of years here, I just, it was at the, at the Boston at, and when it became the comedy village, just there, just hang, and that's how you would meet everybody, because everybody would come through

before they would go to the cellar a lot, guys. We'd go over there and do a spot. Right, so you meet everybody. You'd meet, oh, this is the scene. Yeah, and everybody had scenes back then. Like, New York City scene was a big thing. Yeah, I mean, I think it's big again. It is big, it's just different now.

It's like, I don't know if the comics coming up today are coming through the club system, the way that we came through the club system. It is big. It's just different now. It's like I don't know if the comics coming up today are Coming through the club system the way that we came through the club system. Yeah, you're saying the comics today on is funny That's that's a weird thing. I'm saying that's a weird statement That is I don't know if I agree with that. I really don't know But I it's a weird thing to say and it's interesting you bring that up comics nowadays on as funny as that's good man That's just... I'm saying. They're podcasting their way to the top now,

which is also fine. It is fucking nuts, dude. They're tick-talking their way into our hearts. It's crazy. It's crazy that you can just get a tick-talk account and put something up there. Resonates. They resonate.

They resonate. Great word. Com, but. It resonates. It resonates with people. But I think, don't you think comedy's gonna fucking die again? Don't you think it's gonna, like, what happened to metal? Just fucking, we're just gonna oversaturate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just gonna just die. And the people are gonna be like, I'm gonna do something else. Yes, let's get.

Do trivia. You're right. Let's go do something else. Yes, let's do trivia. You're right. Let's go do something else. Like music might take back a lot. I know something might magic. Remember when magic was big, magic was huge for a minute. Something.

I remember going to a club in this, it was before the pandemic and a hypnotist to like, sold the room out. Yes, it meant a hypnotist like 40 people there for my show. Could you hypnotize them to come to the next show? Is that possible? Can I throw you a little? But no, I think you're exactly right.

I think it's gonna bust at some point. People are gonna get tired of it and people are gonna wanna go to something else and then there's gonna be a huge shift of people to whatever that other thing is. And then- Those same people that weren't funny. Because look, it is funny and then there's famous, right?

Right. Can we agree on that? Yeah. Some people are both. Some people are funny. They want. Some people are funny and famous. But yeah, of course, that fame.

And there's also a thing too, where it's like, you're gritty and you're coming up through the club system the way we come, and then you have a special, which this is what I hope happens to me. You have a special, it pops, and then you're huge, and then you take your foot off the gas,

because you go, now I have my fans, so I don't have to kill myself coming up with different, I don't have to work as hard, really. I'm gonna relax into it for you and me, for like, if you want the same quality on the next special, you do. But if you go, I'm just happy with my fan, I'm making money, I'm taking care of financially.

Now, I understand it. It's hard to get up and train while you're sleeping and so cheats. That's the phrase, that's the motto. But it's like, so you take your foot off. I like so cheats. Now, you know? No, because it makes, it gives like so you take your photo. I like so sheets. Now you know? No, because it makes, it gives me a hard on.

Yeah. Always horny. Sexy. I don't even need a woman to have sex with the sheets, right? Hey, what's up, son? Boom. Boom. Bring it back together.

Yeah, I don't like silk sheets. It makes my ding-ding tickles. Yeah. I feel too sexy. It's great. Yeah, almost like, I feel like a woman just laughing. You know, I may wait for my husband to come home. It's great. Yeah, almost like I feel like a woman just laughing. You know, I may wait for my husband to come home. I hate it.

I don't like it. Don't go to my time, I get him away. I don't like it. She came in, I was on my stomach with my ass up presenting. I was like, okay, you home sorely. She's like, I don't work. God, presenting is such a great word. You went animal kingdom on that.

Hey. Presenting. Yeah, dude, but here's the thing to like, but I under, but I don't, I don't like giving you understand I understand getting that pop and then being like, ah, the lettale, like, ah, man, thank I can relax now I can do other stuff. And some, some people do some comics do other study write a book. They do a show like they have that following

now. So it's like, but I really admire that people keep their foot on the gas and go, I'm going to do another one. And I'm not going to do it because, I mean, how many people can do a special once a year? I mean, there's a few who can actually do it. It's kind of annoying. It's kind of annoying. And I don't think it's good for comedy that you're doing specials once a year. Because it's not going to be as good as that one could have been.

You know what I mean? The two-year special, maybe three. You know, we used to take that long to do it where it was perfected. Yes. And now, I don't know, and everybody's given their special, I mean, your specials free on YouTube. It's free on YouTube. It's free on YouTube. That's crazy. We try to sell it. No one wanted it. Oh, you don't have to say that. I mean, I mean, it's crazy. Right. We try to sell it. No one wanted it. So it's all you don't have to say.

I mean, no, I want the fans to know. No one wanted it. So now it's interviewing, even with Nate, it's like, he Nate behind it. It's like, you know, ridiculous to me. Yeah. I mean, ridiculous. It is fucking your hands down one of the funniest guys in New York City. Thank you.

And the fact that there's special, there's specials up there right now. Yeah. That I would challenge you to make it through fucking eight minutes. Yeah. I challenge you. Yeah. As a comedy fan, right, to make it through and go, yeah, this is great. Yeah.

You can't. They're out there. No, that's right. Cutting out. For whatever reasons there are, it's like, but as a, as a comedian, you know this, I don't know how you deal with it mentally, but I go, that's not, that's, I started going, it's like, but as a comedian, you know this. I don't know how you deal with it mentally, but I go, that's not, I started going, that's not my game.

This is my game. I focus on what I'm doing. Good luck to, best to everybody out there doing what they're doing. If that's not the route from me, and you actually told me this, I'm to think of it. You're like, that closes,

you just, you can't harbor anything, you gotta go, okay, it's this way now. No, you can't, like I don't hate these, but you have to acknowledge it though. You can acknowledge it. I know what they're doing, I understand it. Right. It's what you think, the, the,

they have this whole pie chart and these, these things and these people and algorithms, they're following a business. Right. We're following what we do. Yes. Yeah. And the crowd, the fans are following what they like. Right. We're following what we do. Yes. Yeah. And the crowd, the fans are following what they like. Right. You know, so they're trying to figure that when you

do a pilot, a sitcom, they would have focused groups to see if it went. Right. Are you fucking really? Yeah. You're going to get a room full of people randomly. Yeah. And see what they say. And that's how you make make your how about you take a shot and go I like this person. I like this show. Yeah, I'm the guy. Yes go. Yeah and give it trust no Your job I'm sorry. I'm how uncle did that Sign this jacket Bobby. I just broke your finger I just broke your finger. That would make headlines.

You broke my finger and then choked me on the podcast. I think it'll go the other way. I break your finger and then you choke me out. I'm doing it. See these guys just staring at you. What do we do? They just fart because they get gassy when they get nervous. Hi, Mike.

So no, I forget. Hi, Mike. So, no, I, I, I, I don't, I forget. You can't, well, my point is what I said is that like the clubs, people always bitch at about the clubs. The seller won't use me. Go to another club. Make another club, the seller. Yeah.

The seller wasn't the seller until they, we came here. Right. The, the strip didn't, not, that fucking goal, Lucian. Hello, Robert. I'm missing another one. His fingers would just fall off me. This fucking guy had a fucking leather glove.

And three of the fingers were soft. Wow. Yeah, remember? No, I came at the right at the end of the thing. Oh my gosh. This guy, this guy, me. Him and Starla. Whoever the fuck, Starla. Starla did not. She. This guy, me. Him and Starla. Whoever the fuck that was.

Starla did not. She did not pass me for late night and then did. So I came right at the end of that old regime. I look at, fuck her. I don't know where she is. I know where she's not in comedy. You understand? Yeah.

She's not, she's not the gatekeeper of a club anymore. But I would kill. You did great. A good. That's what she said to kill. You did great, good. As she said to me, you did great, good. She changed great, which I really did. I'm not a fuck, but I fucking murdered your drum room. But that's the thing about this new technology now.

It's all these gatekeepers, it's removing the gatekeepers. No, that's the good news. But it's removing the gatekeepers, but now what's happening with your point? I got some fucking shit. It's making marketing people, and people who know algorithms, and how to market, and how to cut,

and videos, and all that stuff. It's making them famous instead of the artists. Well, here's a thing, dude. I got some Chubby chick, some third party chubby chick that hates my YouTube page gets a complaint and she makes the decision. Instagram, same shit. Like they're making a decision of what's what's funny. It's like, no, you don't, you're supposed to, if I, if I am not racist, if I'm not sex, if I don't break your rules, you're supposed to put it out there for everybody.

And no, they don't do that. They decide how many people you see. They're making the decisions. So if they watch this fucking shit do with a beard, doing stupid fucking crowd work joke, that I don't even that funny. I like him. Thanks for saying that affects the algorithm.

Fuck yeah. The platform. Fuck yeah. Look at all that shit that they just did with Twitter. They denied everything. And then it finds out that, oh yeah, we were doing all that shit you think we don't do. That we said on Rogan, we don't do. We did it all.

Oh yeah, we fucking made you vote for the fucking guy. We thought was a good guy. And we shut the volume off on those other people. Crazy. Yeah, there's that element to it. But what it's supposed to be is a direct connection to the people. Yes, there is not element to it.

It is no direct. That's why what Nate's doing and what Louie did, what Louie did. It's like, all right, you have to, you have to, your job, my job is to pick you up and throw you, come on, let's go. All you fuckers go right now. That's who I'm, that's who I'm giving it up to.

I want you to go check out Mike's brand new special on Nate's YouTube page, right? What's it called? Nate Land, it's called, my special's called The Attractives. The Attractives. Working class hot? Nice.

Yeah, that's my job, that's what we're supposed to do. That's the one thing that comics, I think, do more than any perfect actors or musicians. You never see fucking Motley crew going, you gotta go check out Pantera this week. They're so selfish. Yes, they want all the glory. But comics, most of us, don't help each other.

Most, there's a couple of them. Yeah, that's true. That not covered. I was told that that was wrong by Ari last week. help each other. Most, there's a couple of them. That's true. That's not covered. I was told that that was wrong by Ari last week. That hoard fucking smart you. I don't think that's right. Do you?

Do you know what I think is right? The way you act towards Bobby Lee. How's that? You're abusive asshole. Yeah, I don't think that you should hold the resentment towards him. I never hated. Lucian would come down here. It's that pollution, hi.

And they would feel guilty. You should come up and audition again. Whoa. I'd be like, no, I'm good. Yeah, fuck it, I'm here. I'd say after a while you don't need it, you're like, I hate you to do what it is. Yeah, like even the festivals,

like I never got to the festivals. And then I got one and I got them all. Yeah, you know, now. Yeah, it breaks open like that too. That's a weird thing. It is a weird thing. Are you going to festivals this year? I'm going to Moon Tower.

Me too. Yeah, nice. I like that back there. I like that back there. Oh, you blow it up and then come back. There you go. See that? We brought it up and then we repair it.

You like that? You want to do it? I do like it actually. Like hand hug. Let's give a hand hug. No, other hands. I put it up. No, keep your hand up. Oh my god. That's a hand hug. Let's give a hand hug. No, other hands. I put it up. No, keep your hand up. Oh my God.

That's a hand hug. Come on, do it again. Boom. Boom. Did I do that? What did you learn that? I made it up. Did you make it up?

I made it up in rehab with another. Is that you and your son's secret? No. No. Last night my son was going to fucking Jesus Christ, dude. You want to get him in sports, man. He's in sports. Yeah, yeah. Across. He's You got him. He's in sports.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. lacrosse, he's in football. He's just got his gray belt in Jiu-Jitsu with Igor Gracie. Kick an ass. Yeah, he comes home. His friends come over there and they're out. I mean, yesterday, out all day, all day long, out in the back. My kids are dead. I'll see you later.

He just jumps on his bike, we let him go. It's great. Like on the block. Yeah, yeah, it's good. I'm like, where you helmet? Yeah. And he hasn't put his helmet on, I'm like, I see you later. Yeah, I don't change it or whatever.

But yeah, I got those stupid slow down things on the block, the little signs for the cars that are going fast. But yeah, he has a lot of freedom, you know. But last night, I had my friends come over and he was all excited. I had, he's a, you know, a place of drums. So, drum teacher every Monday, he's getting better, he's getting really good, he's better than me.

And I had the Rob Duke's lead singer of Generation Kill, great band, look him up on YouTube. And his drummer, who's a metal drummer, double pedals, Max Loves, double pedals, I have double put them on. He fucking shut down, went into his room, like wouldn't, like just ran. And I was like, this is not my son. Right, right. My son went to school the other day with a fucking a mullet, an adidas sweatsuit with A dogs shoes, and a boom box for decades day. And he went as the 80s. Run DMC with glasses.

I mean, he doesn't give a shit. Yeah, yeah. And you were supposed to wear a two school. You're supposed to bring it to school and dress up. He wore it two school all day. He was that guy. It's great. With the wig was that guy. He's great.

With the wig at lunch. Eat and fucking. Jello at lunch with a wig on, right? He went to his room, just froze up. And I'm trying to, you know, my job as a dad help you through that. What's the hell, what's going on? He was like, no, I'm gonna come on out.

All right, cool, you know, Don, just let him. I was like, I just look at him. I'm like, I, come on out. All right, cool. You know, Don, just let him. I was like, I, I, I, I, I Bapapapap when you put it on like anything and he he did he just Dude I've never seen it it was disturbing was weird and then I went in before I left for the night and I sat down and go talk to me Dude you're feeling she goes now I go. What's wrong? Nothing and I don't like nothing. Yeah, no, I go, what's wrong with nothing? And I don't like nothing. Yeah, yeah. Because I remember, I remember I was in jail.

And I remember I was back in jail for the second time. And it's just a long process from getting arrested, to going to court, to going to the intake, to finding where they're going to put you, to getting to the place you're gonna be. You know, you have to be stripped, stripped, searched a bunch of times and jumping, I was fucked up shit, you gotta go through it like 14 at this time.

And then you get to your room and I was, you know, there was a bed crunch where they're like, maybe you could go home. My grandmother, they called my grandmother, not my mom, who was kind of my mom. And my mother said, no, do not take him. She told me, she's like, I'm sorry, Bobby, I can't. My grandma's gonna take me out of jail.

Wow. And I could have went home. Yeah. No, Bobby, I'm sorry, I can't. You mother won't let me. And I, dude, they put me on a suicide watch. Am I underwear on a mattress in the office? It was fucking humiliating.

Yeah. Just sleeping on the floor on a mattress in the office, it was fucking humiliating. Just sleeping on the floor on a fucking fireproof mattress. A tidy whiteies is a fortune-year-old, because they think you're gonna hang yourself. Then I went back to my room and I was just crying. And I remember the main lady came down to talk to me. She's like, what's wrong?

And I'm like, nothing. And I'm literally sobbing. She's like, what's wrong, Robert? I'm like, what's wrong? And I'm like, nothing. And I'm literally sobbing. She's like, what's wrong, Robert? I'm like, nothing's wrong. Nothing. I'm fine. And I remember not, I learned to bury it. I learned to push it down and not let it out,

even when my physical body couldn't do. Yeah, yeah. I was just like nothing. And I was just staring at it. And all I wanted to do was tell her how fucking heartbroken I was. Right. That, you know, that's just whatever.

And then I see that in my kid. Yeah. And, I like to have my picture in my kid. Ah. Sad. That's a fucking weird. It's my grandmother. I'm gonna talk about porn. I'm fucking Mary Donlin in here.

Oh, Bobby. Bobby, I would've got you out, but your mother, she's a piece of work. So you saw it in him and he was. I saw it in him. I took it out and I said, dude, talk to me, let it out. And he misunderstood me.

He goes, I go, dude, tell me. Tell me, just tell me what you want to tell me. You can say it. I want you to let it out. He goes, all right, dad, I think you're acting like a pain in the ass mother fucking annoying asshole. Because you were asking him? He thought I said, just tell me what you're thinking.

When I was saying, let me know how you're feeling. You don't tell your dad what you really think of him, you're fucking, I was like, I was slapped in your face. I was like, you don't talk to your father that way. He's like, you said I could, I said I could, you could let me know your feelings. You don't call me, dude, I was fucking mad. Yeah.

Number one, where did you learn that? Where did that come on of? Right. And that's what, you know, and I understand he's thinking that because I keep coming in trying to, he called me a cocksucking manipulative mother fucking. What? Yeah, dude. You know what the most problematic thing about that is manipulative mother fucking what something yeah, dude You know what the most problematic thing about that is manipulative. How does he even know that?

How does he even know that? Oh? My god, what is he watching general hospital? That's so great dude. I don't know. I don't know But it it slapped me in the face so hard because I thought he was about to open up to me. And here he is calling me. He's calling you about your name. He thinks I'm just a mother fucking manipulating pain in the ass that won't leave him alone.

It's like I took away his phone. Yeah. His ex, his sony gone. We're going on vacation tomorrow and no phone. Yeah. And then this morning, I'm sleeping in the office and I came in last night, my wife, I texted her, I go, I'm very sad that he said,

he called me, he said those things to me. And she's like, he's very sad too. Blah, blah, blah, blah, what happened. And then I came home and she's in bed with him. So now I'm in, now I'm just, I work my ass off. I do other stuff. I went to fucking Saratoga this. Did I? Yeah, you have done an ultimatum. I hope you choose now. You choose his room or mine.

I should do that bitch bunk bed bitch. No, but can I say it's important? Like most a lot of parents won't do that. They'll just try to keep this facade up of like, yes, you know, it's okay, you know, discipline and stuff, but it's important to let the kid know. It's like, hey, you hurt me. Yeah. You hurt me. So it's like it goes both ways.

Sure. You know what I mean? You hurt me. So you have to take responsibility and let him feel that a little bit. That's important. By, I went in this morning, don't walk me up. Max came in to apologize and you were sleeping.

And I felt a cone, well what the fuck are you? She came in with a tone. And I'm like, can you drop the tone? I didn't know I was sleeping. The key word in the sentence is I was sleeping. So I got up and I went out to, he was having a brago, set up, shot the TV off, you know, blah, blah, and I'm like, listen man, and I explain it, I go, I think you misunderstood what I meant.

I didn't ask you to tell me what you thought of me. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, I go, I wanted to know how you were feeling. He goes, yeah, I misunderstood. Yeah, that's actually hilarious misunderstanding.

What, what are you feeling right now, Matt? I think you're a prick. I never liked you. I never loved you. I mean, loved you, come on, that's crazy. But I never even liked you, really. The fact that you're my father's, it's all a sham, I think. And I can't wait till I'm 18 and I can get out of here.

No, no, no, that was a... That's not what I was asking. Oh, wait, what did you want to know? How you feel? What was the question? How are you feeling? I'm feeling trapped in this family. So I said, dude, you can't ever use language like that to describe your father to his face or your mother.

And you didn't even give the caveat. You're like, use any language you want. Use any kind of language you want. He was just like, do the fact that he let it rip like that? It's really great. He just let it rip off of a misunderstanding. Can I tell you, there was a second where I was gonna crack up and I almost hit the floor.

But I got, I did hurt me. Yeah. Maybe feel bad. I told him I go, that hurt my feelings when you call me those names, buddy. It just doesn't feel good. He was like, I'm sorry. I knew he wanted, I'm sorry, but you were being a little manipulative pus a little fucking puswack. I mean, what the fuck that I say? I just didn't want to go up meet him. And you keep coming in trying to manipulate me out there. Go fuck yourself. So yeah, but also just like one of those things where it's like, I don't wanna, I didn't wanna meet him.

I didn't wanna meet him. It's like, whatever your feelings for this guy is an important guy, I had him come over for you. He's a professional rock drummer, he's a star basically. And I wanted to expose you to what he knows because you're both drummers. So whether you want to or you don't want to, it's sometimes like that in families,

you'll have that where it's like, yeah, I don't wanna kiss grandma. It's like, I don't care what you want to or you don't want to and sometimes like that in families, you'll have that where it's like, yeah, I don't want to kiss grandma. It's like, I don't care what you want to, if you want to kiss grandma, you don't want to, she's not gonna be a bit around much longer. She loves you more than anything in the world, so you're gonna do it. You're gonna do it.

I'll kiss grandma. No, I will. Jesus Christ, dad. Holy my, dude. Well, I'm not a father, but I like to be with other people. What was your grandma? Why were your grandma? I like to raise other people. Well, I'm not a father, but I was wrong with other people. What was your grandma? What were your grandma?

I was like, what should we do? I should be able to hire you, like 50 an hour to come over and deal with those situations. I used to do that. So why don't I? What? I used to do, I used to have a master's in special education. I used to work with behavioral problems. And when I first moved to New York, I took my certificate and I would deal with three to

five year olds. And you would go into their home or to the schools and They'd be tantrumming mostly with was the kids that I dealt with their their problem and I would I would observe for a day They would just be little little tyrants just running around grabbing them other way following them because they want to you know Look whatever and they can't control them and I would be like okay. We can go one of two ways here I'm gonna make the same money either way and they can't control them and I would be like, okay, we can go one of two ways here. I'm gonna make the same money either way. I can do what you're doing and just follow them around

and just make my money and phone it in. It's up to you. Or I can put them in a headlock or a triangle and make them tap out until they fucking do it. We want them to do. And then they get one of my hoodies after the class is over. Merch is important. Now I put them in a separate room and we're gonna sit at a table

and we're gonna do work. We're gonna do the alphabet like work for that age. And if they get one wrong, I smashed a in a separate room and we're going to sit at a table and we're going to do work. We're going to do the alphabet like work for that age. And if they get one wrong, I smashed a hand with a hammer. If they flip out and they tantrum and they endanger themselves, the others or the me or the property, I'm going to put them in a restraint. I'm going to leave the door open. You're welcome to come in and out whenever you want, even though I don't suggest that because he's just going to flip out more if he sees you, but whatever you want, whatever you wanna do.

But, you're right, what kind of a strength? It's a basket hold where you hold, you hold them. You hold them. Put me into it. Say I'm one of the kids. I had to come from behind. That's fine, I'm one of the kids.

You want me to get up and do it? Yeah, I want you to do it. So I'm one of the kids. No, I don't wanna do it. But it's gonna be, I'll do it on the outside of the chair, but it would be on the inside of the kids. Okay, okay sure that's great. So you're my guy, right? Fuck no, no, I don't want to I don't want to get away Mom

This here Why why don't forget the headbutt me now Yeah, you'll be trying tobutt me now. Ah. Yeah, see how you'll be trying to headbutt me. Ah, you smell like Bruce. Yeah. You smell like Bruce after shit. Yeah, the next body's great.

Ah, dad. I'll be like try to de-escalate you. You need to calm down, buddy. You need to calm down. No. You don't calm down. No, no. You don't listen to me.

You're not stronger than me. I am. You're not stronger. And you're not going to get up until I say, so if you calm down we're gonna work back up Feeling good now a little bit better. I'm a little bit I'm a little bit I'm a little loosen up good. Yeah, can I let go? Yes, I'm gonna let go. I need you See okay, okay. Oh my god, you did that the kids

Wow Okay, okay. Oh my God, you did that to kids. Wow. Yeah. Dude, Mike is strong. Mike, I mean, dude, Mike is, Mike, I had that little fucking nine-year-old that Noah was coming, didn't I? But they were really strong. If you just talk them, you'd hold them and be like, now you can't, you can do what I actually do.

Yeah. You cannot flip out. You need to like, you know, and then talk them back up and then back up to the chair. And then if they get ants, they flip again, the same thing again. The mothers come in, they couldn't. Yeah, the mothers will come in and they would see

and they would be like, yeah, that's good. Yeah, everything was all above. Right, yeah, wow, but dad helped them. Oh, man, it was, because then once that's out of the way, yeah, then it's just beautiful. And with little, with the three to five year olds, it's even better because you can actually see them. Like, you can see them grow.

Yeah, you can see them grow. I did do that with like 18 year olds. Stop. Yeah, yeah, because I worked at a behavioral school. So it was like kids would flip out and it's like, you'd have to have teams go in and restrain the kids. So with a three to five year old, you could see, once they realize, you'd have to have teams go in and restrain the kids. So with a three to five year old,

once they realize, oh, this is gonna be, this is gonna consistently happen. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm gonna stay focused and do what I have to do. And then the relationship is you watch them grow and it's like, oh, this is, I wanna kept the job. Didn't start headlining? I would have kept the job.

I loved it so much. No shit. Yeah, yeah, cause you see them grow. You're like, these kids are making, they're still in their formative years back then. They're still molding their mind. So it's like, you see them transform from a tantrumming, just little tyrant

into like a wonderful kid. Yeah, it's funny you say that because Max has went up a level until last night and he called me a manipulative box like a motherfucker. What the hell? It's literally like, you go up a couple of paces

and then you go back one. What's your kid? It's like, oh, this is great. He's finally, and then it's like, oh, what the, like last night. But look at,

I was a boundary last night that he thought he could do. Right. He really, he was like, I, because he did go, you're saying I could, because he did go, you're saying I can tell you? Yeah. I'm like, yes, he's like, I, because he did go, you're saying I could, because he did go, you're saying I could tell you?

Yeah. I'm like, yes, he's like, all right dad, you said it twice that I could tell you, and I'm gonna tell you, and I was like, yes please, tell me how you feel, not how you feel about me, how you feel in here. Yeah, about not seeing the guy that I brought. Right, so, but I,

okay, there is a balance between like, do I force him out there? Get the fuck. And I don't want to put my friend, my friends like, dude, it's cool. Yeah. You put that person. Right. Right. So it's like, all right, let it go. Right. But you know what? But it's good to have that talk afterwards. Like, yo, dude, what was that? I, today, when I go back, I'm going to be like, you know, you, you missed an opportunity to meet a really great drummer., a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a morning, we were in the car and we were driving and he's like kind of like this. Like me and his mom, there was something going on with her. She's pretty menopause. She's all, you know, she wakes up.

She's not a morning person. Right. And she's like, well, you have to, and I'm like, stop, stop, because this whole, you know, if I talk to you like, all right, well, I did do that. And then it's like, why are you talking? Like, we've argued. I've only been up, and I go, and there was like three times and when I was leaving, I was like, I gotta get us in.

Did you not get us in the, she goes, I called them, but I said, you're, I go, third time I've told you to stop talking to me like that. You're talking to me up here for some reason. I don't know what it is. Right. I go, so go suck on a gummy bear, go have the tea.

Whatever you got to do, but you got to stop because I don't want to, I do not want to escalate this. Yes. I just don't. Yeah, that's really good on your part to do that. Well, I'm trying to become aware of my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have the same thing.

Just a pause. Yes. Pause and just try to de-escalate if I can't. And then Max comes out and he's got this thing and he's like, well, it's going on between you and Mom, which is weird to hear. And I just told him, I go, look, Mom sometimes wakes up a little tense, you know, and I'm just trying

to ask her not to be so tense. And I'm trying not to be an asshole back to her. So he's like, okay, cool. And he's still at that face. I go, do me a favor, smile. He's like, what? I go, just smile. Try it.

You want to say? I go, dude, you feel good, right? I go, dude, try to smile as much as you can today. I go, your mouth, your actions dictate your feelings. I go, you're mouth, your actions dictate your feelings. I go, if you're smiling, you'll feel happy. If you're frowning, you'll feel sad and angry. So just try to smile as much as you can today. And then he's getting out of the car,

and he's the teacher of principles there. And I go, Max, hey, I go, and he goes, and then he just started laughing. And he starts laughing, I'm like, that's it. Was he laughing at how manipulative you were being? Because you were being manipulative right there. It was not. I was not.

I was just not hitting you. All right, listen, we got to wrap this up. Dude, I got some questions for you from the fans. You might take a couple questions. Sure. Real quick. Am I manipulative? We got to go to Nate, what's a Nate land?

Nate land on YouTube. YouTube. Check out his new special Mike Vakillian, the Attractives. I'm telling you right now, it's for free. The fact that this is free, but I believe you can donate, right? On the website. No, he did not just for free. He didn't activate that. No, just just for free. Hey, nice. Watch it. You might want to put the activation donation button on. So maybe you can donate

a couple of shuckles to your friend. You're fucking piece of garbage. You got a boat and your golf every day. You're playing a rainers., used to be a fat redneck with bangs when you opened for me and you're muffled a fill off and Connecticut we had to stop and just rip a piece of your car off and put it in your trunk. Remember where you came from? Is he giving you money at all?

No, he gave me the opportunity to do it and he paid for it. So that was you. Oh, that's good. Good for him. He's unbelievable. One of the funny skies ever, I hope this blows up for you

I really does if it does blow up he'll be more come back on to be a Chrissy D's Talk about food with Sal Anyways, dogs Are you with Joe? It's crazy. I love Joe. I love those on the bonfire today Okay, we're gonna do this really quick. You ready? Yeah on the bonfire today. Okay, we're gonna do this really quick. You ready? Yeah. Here we come. Oh, we had so many topics we didn't get to. I got to put my glasses on. How old are my brother? God damn it. The attractives. New special out there. You're in the King of Staten Alice too, bro. Yes. You have a podcast which is really fun. I've never been asked to be on it. I'm sorry. I've

never been on it. And but explain to them real quick. Well, it's called Mike Vekio investigates and we're looking for numbers. So everybody is welcome. And what we do is we it's a fake investigatory show. We like to and fake investigate a lot of topics. So I bring a guest on. We talk a little bit and then we go into these current event news stories and we investigate it. We go back and forth and I do a guest on, we talk a little bit, and then we go into these current event news stories and we investigate it, we go back and forth, and I do a fake journalism thing. But it's two things, it's fake journalism,

and also we talk down to our fans. So it's not, you have a great comic hang, and we feel your pride, but we don't do that. We talk down to them, but it's ordered to elevate them and make them better. We have a lot of low-income whites who watch. I do the same thing, but to my staff. Oh, yeah, that's true.

That's true. So please watch Mike Becky on Investigates. We need numbers. So please. Yeah, please. hilarious. Thank you. And I would love to have you on, actually.

I just figured your schedule was slammed. It was, but I will have Shannon reach out. Oh, I have Shannon reach out. The hottest chick that never got a guy. She's got to have a penis. She's in her own way. I don't get it. I don't get it.

Now, she's so voice. Yes. Beautiful and every way. I mean, every way. Every way. But nothing. But her inner-owned minds know I don't like it when they say hi to me on the dating apps that you can.

And there's got to be a little give here. I don't know what you're doing. I don't like it when they say hi to me on the dating apps like you can. And there's got to be a little give here. I don't know what you're doing. I don't like just saying hi really. I'm like, you might be attaching more to it than it is. I scrappy bones, great special. What do you think influences your stage persona and presentation style? Was there any Stephen Wright influence with your technique? No, I love Stephen Wright.

I love his joke writing and all that. I just, I think a couple things are very funny. I love sarcasm. Yeah, I love it. And I also love just to stand and deliver. I'm a joke guy. So I love standing and delivering the joke and just like being in the moment. So sarcasm is a huge part of what I like. And if I'm performing live and I don't feel like the crowd is getting the sarcasm, I explain it out. Like this is sarcasm, this is what most of this is.

It's jokes, but it's sarcasm. Please dial into it because you'll have a better time. Right, if you do. I envy your joke style sometimes because I have to go and go, hey, what's going on? How you doing? And I have to like, I have to gel with these people. When I walk out there.

Because I'm going to go in and out of my jokes, and I'm going to act out the bang in my head. And if you are not engaged with me, if we're not together on this, but being able to go out there and go, hey, how you guys doing? And I was thinking, did you see the, and go into us, and be,

your sarcasm is so fucking dangerous. It's hilarious, these are like, what the fuck? Cause your jokes maybe go shit, fuck, I wish I thought of that. Well, it's all creating a rapport. Like that's how you go out and create a pay-butt, you know, like you're creating that rapport. I'm just doing it differently. Right, yeah.

And it means there's different stuff. I love it, just be like, like sometimes I gotta move around a little. Right. To be able to go out there and fuck it, how is it going? All right, cool. Did you, and just go into it and get the same,

because your jokes, you get the same laughter I do. It's fucking belly laughs. It's like people are dying crunched over and you hit, you're not too long on the setup. It's like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, and into the other one, which I love. All right, Lou, what was the weirdest thing a student either gave you or told you?

Love the attractives. But always people love your special. Oh, nice. All right. I've been, cause I worked in a behavioral school. I've been bitten, I've been head-butted. I kid jumped out of window. Someone head-butted that head.

Yeah. Well, it was from, it was like I had the grit and they just like, boom. Was that why you told me headbutt me? Yeah, headbutt. Yeah, you're forgetting the headbutt part, but all kinds of physical craziness that's happened because in that behavioral school, it was like kids who got kicked out of Philadelphia schools. And they needed to be in residential, residential, the worst of the worst. Yeah. So it was, it got crazy that way. And getting them to go to class and like engaged and all this stuff, it was like a very, very chat. And every day, every day, I don't want to go to the same thing every day.

It's like, and then a kid would be like, get into it with a teacher and then we'd have to go in the class and be like, you got to leave and they'd be like, I'm not going anywhere. And then you'd be like, you got to go. And they'd be like, no, it's like, we're gonna have to put our hands on you. It's like, I'll flip out and I'm gonna punch you in the face. Like, we're at an impasse because this is my job. And I get paid to do this.

So it's not personal for me, because it gets very, they're like, I will punch you in the face. I'm like, you're gonna do what I gotta do, I gotta do what I gotta do. What can I ask you a question? Can you be honest? Yeah.

Somewhere deep inside that heart, that big heart, you liked it. Not that, like, no. When they were like, I'm gonna punch you, like, yeah, I know you are. But that's why I got this job. I want you to throw down. Somewhere. No. When you went in the room, you're like, I believe me.

I went to work and I did not want confrontation. It wasn't one point where you're like, hey, I'm gonna flip out. Good. No, no, no, that's you. I know, dude, what did you say? No, good. No, I didn't say anything. I want you to flip out.

Bring it, motherfucker. I'm gonna fucking me strain you. What? Now I'm gonna fucking head bite you. Do it. Fuck my teeth, I dare you. No? No. Okay. I'll tell you why, because like, you it. Fuck it, my dees, I dare you. No? No.

OK. I'll tell you why, because you're going to restrain them. You're going to go down. You're going to de-escalate them, bring them up, and then they're going to hate you. And you've got to be at work. Their commitment is like nine months to a year. So you've got to see them every day for a year. I worked with mentally retarded people.

And one of them had a knife. And I was threatening another, one of the other residents with a knife, a butcher knife. And I took out a bigger knife and threatened his life. He never threatened anybody again. Anywho. What was the weirdest thing that Dan Soda did? He caught him doing when they were roommates.

Does he have to be, it doesn't have to be sexual, just weird or quirky. That is from Tom Holtan. That's a good question. My fans are so fucking good. The YKW fans are great. I love fans so much. It's just, I just, you caught him some. No, most of us, most of me was just coming in because Dan quit drinking early into us living

together, which was a good vanilla Dan. No, I mean, that made him edgy was a fucking a six pack. And now he doesn't do that. I'm used to drink. He's it's better for him than him. Yeah, him and Joe Joe. Him and Joe would get it back. I drank, but not like those guys.

I would really be getting in. So he quit and then, but I just so on the cat. So he quit and then but I just so on the cat like I just come in. He's already on the couch. He's on the couch. Yeah. Like smoked and just watching like just hanging out. And then the thing is he would fall asleep. And I remember this is when I first started living with him. He'd fall asleep and I'd be like, Dan, Dan, Dan, just trying to wake him up to go to go to bed, like shut the TV off and go to bed. Yeah. He like I'm a go. Oh, yeah. Okay. And then just go back to sleep. And then he just wake up whenever he want it Shut it off and go to bed like the living world is an opium dad.

Dad dad. Okay, you get high and then chill with them. Do you have to restrain him? I just want to just watch this special as a fellow, Nittany Lion, I fully support and love Mike. No question, just love. No, that's, look at that, love that. Thank you.

Ash the dash. What a fuck, that was the greatest question of all. That was no answer needed. Just love, that's so great, because I live in by, I read all the comments. I don't read any of them at all. I've been die by them. I don't, I don't, I can't do it.

I can't do it. I would love to get accolades. Can't do it. That one guy, I will punch you down with an elephant. That will kill you like an elephant. I'll come to your fucking funeral and fucking kill you again. I'll fuck your mother's face.

Beep that much so we can get monetized. If you're buying a car, what is the longest you will wait? For a car salesman to talk to you. Fucking Oscar goes suck a tit. My wife, I did my extra, my wife. Versy's, go to the Lexist's dealer. Go see my friend.

I bought seven Lexices from. He's the best. I'm gonna be big. Vers dealer, go see my friend. I bought seven Lexices from, he's the best. But I'm being mean. Percy, Percy's great. So I sent Dawn up there, I go tell your friend, I'll tell him, tell me what she's got. I told him, he's coming. I'm gonna put him up there.

Oh, no. Dawn calls me, I'm doing my podcast. I've been here a half hour, I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm like, what if, you know, wife's panicking, she's being disrespected. Yeah, yeah. So I'm in the thing, the chat's like,

tell her to go, you don't wait, leave, leave. I'm like, they were all saying leave, because I didn't have a dad. I'm listening to a bunch of fucking chatroom, fucking people. So I'm like, leave, she's like, I'll leave. So she leaves. And then we talk to the guy.

And then, verse, you're like, I talked to him. He said, he's not there. And it's just this big cluster of fun. She never got a car. Fuck you, Oscar. How long would you wait, though? If you had an appointment at three, how long would you wait? Yeah, I would go, I would find a secretary, somebody like,

tell dude, I gotta go. Right, tell him I'll be back. But, but, yeah, if something came up or something, you gotta let me. You can't just be like, I'm waiting. It's like, what's the reason that I'm waiting? And then, I gotta go, tell him I'll be back another time. If he wants to set, like,

I'll go to another place to buy a car. If he wants to make the sale, I'm dealing, does he hate money? Because I have real money here. Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable. I would walk up and go, hey, Barry, Barry, I know you're busy.

I'm gonna take off. We had a thing at three. I can't wait any longer. And then you talk about, I just be passive-aggressive. More aggressive than passive, but a little more. You know what I mean? And then I'm going, oh, wait a minute. You know what I mean?

She just left. And it was because of the fucking chat. Crumbum, his thoughts on using AI for jokes. No. I don't know. I went out. It'd be fun to do just to see how AI works. But don't they, you can put in a comedian's name.

Sure. And then punch in topics or something and get in it writes a joke in the, like. Yeah, mine would write P jokes for 13-year-olds, because I'm not famous enough. And someone else has my name, you cock, sucka. But I would do, put it on the couch and piss on a face, and go, you always make lemonade out of that. Look on the bright side.

That's not about Peele. That's a great point. I'm a singer song. I believe I can piss. I believe I can make your bomb feel good. I'll pick you up from school. Maybe that's what you off at your mom's house. Sorry. We're gonna all be replaced by, I mean, that's the next thing now. We all replaced by AI. AI is, I would love to see how that works. It'll be great for roast jokes, instead of hiring fucking whatever, no name, comic that's

funnier than everybody who hasn't gotten a break yet. For $50. Yeah. That's really the truth. And these things aren't very good right now. I've seen them like it'll write a joke, your tone, and they're not very good, but like anything. It's like just a matter of time before it becomes better than you.

100%. Mike, thanks for coming on, bro. I appreciate it. I want to thank all the fans for listening. Mike Vicki owned what's your website? Mike Vicki owned.com. Bang right there. Mike V, please follow me. Please follow him. Follow his podcast. Become a listener. Make sure you go watch his special free on Nate Land right now. Watch it, comment it. Be in the comments because the more you comment,

the fucking algorithm, I don't know what happens. It just gets it out there more. And you guys, real quickly, plug your plugs. Let's see how quick they do it. Max Marcus comedy. Check him out, very funny guy. The cheese show on YouTube. Oh yeah, Joe's cheese show.

Go ahead. Danny Braff on Instagram. I mean, he stepped on Joe's little thing I was gonna say after because Danny just wants to Danny wants fame so bad He wants fame so bad. He wants to talk to you. I guarantee you goes hey, we do my room And we got who else? Where'd he go Well, don't you care that Mike'sars, one of us, did he jump

off something? It's probably getting tacos. Oh God. Anyways, at McVeach Swars, check him out. He's one of the producers of the show. He's a very, he does all the road stuff in the extras and a lot of stuff for the show. So I'm Robert Kelly. Go to Robert Kelly Live.com all my dates. Reptile. I'm going to Rubar Tuesday. Ah, Rubar Ray. Love a Rubar Ray. Love a Robert Kelly live.com all my dates. Reptile. I'm going to Rubar Tuesday. I love a Rubar Ray. Love a Rubar Ray. Love a Rubar Ray. Love a Rubar. Man. And check that out. Make sure you subscribe, like and comment if you're watching on YouTube. And I can't besides blitters this week for me.

So are you there this week? Yeah, I'm there this one. Well, dude, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, a lot of fans from Tampa on the Patreon. Make sure you go there, check them out. I'll retweet it. Send me the thing, I'll put it out there. I love that. You going on Calta? I got a call on my phone. Call, call, of course dude.

Yeah. Yeah, Calta's the best. A number of best friend, Shadow to Mike Calta. I'm going to do the bonfire right now live with Joe DeRosa from five to seven. Make sure you pop up over there. If you're watching this live, if not, check it out on serious XM faction talk, not fraction on 103. Go to comic wearables.com and buy some merch. If you want, we got the regs, we got YKWD, all that stuff's up there. You guys, thank you for showing up this weekend. A lot of YKWD fans came to Saratoga. I want to thank all you hard work and son of a bitches in your car. Listen into YKWD over all these years and all the new fans

welcome and we'll see you guys next week. I'll be in a rubah but you guys have a great podcast. I believe it's Dan Soda who's on next week this Sunday live if you Patreon you can watch it right now. You know what? The podcast will see you later. Bye. you