Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Mike Vecchione | "This is Something, This is Nothing"
Episode Date: July 31, 2022Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hoy es un dÃa de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el dÃa.
Donde nadie pregunta de dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene.
Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos.
Hoy es un dÃa de eso que Madrid nos lia.
Hoy es un dÃa de eso que Madrid nos encuentra.
Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos lia.
Un número de mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Solicitita tu beca en fundación lacaisapunto.org He's back again. Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm feeling like I can die you this.
This podcast is so fun and crazy.
And there's no rules.
Shut up!
You're ruining this!
Break the bar, damn it!
I'm sorry.
It's not any podcast.
This is an NPR.
That's the podcast done.
Is there any better show?
This is the original.
The original.
You know what, dude? Here at JFL, oh, that feels so good.
Why are these not more in use?
Why are these not gifts to everybody?
The Chinese fan, I mean, it's a weapon, stick it in somebody's eye,
and then flap it.
Oh, that feels so good. When I want YKWD fans, can we get these made just so that at my
shows, I just want to see a bunch of people. That was a funny one. That was a funny one, Bob.
What's up everybody? Robert Kelly here live from Montreal, JFL, just for laughs. I am on the nasty show. I'm
closing that bitch. I think it's my first time closing. I've hosted, I've closed the first half.
I've done a million of them. I think it's my first time closing the motherfucker. And I'm excited. I'm having a blast. I have a good crew on there. We have
Just the lineup's awesome big J's up here. He's two doors down
We were doing more tummy time last night. If you don't know what tummy time is you're gonna watch the other episode and
You'll know what it is
Me and Josh still tummy time watching YouTube videos of shitty comedians
So bad. It's terrible. What's up Shepherd? What's up, Mack?
What's up Lou?
Lou
What's up, Nikki? How you doing?
I'm good. How are you? Oh, look at that energy is just always right answer. Sorry. It's just so pumping you just I
Love it your energy is just it makes me want to fucking plow a field
Mush how you doing speaking of energy how are you? I'm great and you know what's doing great?
Who our guests? Hey, I got a great guest today
I'm very excited to have an had them a while. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mike Vecchio, the Italian stallion.
And we've been mushed.
Can't get that fucking cure. I mean, Jesus Christ, they set it up perfectly.
Allian stallion and it still takes fucking five seconds.
How is it up there? Ali and Stallion and it still takes fucking five seconds.
How is it up there?
Hang on, I gotta turn you up. I can't hate you.
You know what, dude? If you know what, dude?
No, what, dude?
It's suck. You know what, dude?
It's, uh, it's fucking great, dude.
I'm having such a blast.
I was thinking about this, you know,
when I first got the nasty show,
it was so overwhelming, you know,
Louis, a towel, Nictipolo, Jim Jeffries, you know.
And then everyone after that was fucking crazy, line up.
And now it's like I'm so,
I don't know if it's relaxed in my life
for a happy where I'm at and
confident in my skills.
Yeah.
You know, I, they were like, I just looked, I'm headlined in the nasty show and I didn't
even realize it.
I'm going up last.
And I'm like, yeah, it's like when you, when you want something, you're afraid of it.
When you're ready for it, it just happens.
Yeah.
It doesn't even, you don't even want it anymore.
You don't even mean it's just, it is, you know. Well speaking of being ready for it, I have to,
before we start, I have to compliment you, man. The movie was unbelievable. I didn't get to see it
the after party. I think you go to after parties now. It's you just. Yeah. And you go up to your
upstate. One of your homes. Upstate. Yeah., go to one of my homes now. Hang on, let's see.
Let me just have a little hot.
Yeah.
I understand that you were summering upstate,
and then you went her in the city.
And by the city, I mean Paris.
So you didn't come to the after party.
I mean, everybody was there.
I was congratulating.
It was just, and then I was like, where's Bobby? Oh, Bobby doesn't do these anymore. I think, everybody was there. I was congratulating. It was just, and then I was like,
where's Bobby? Oh, Bobby doesn't do these anymore. I was like, Bobby doesn't do these anymore.
Step away, step away. Bobby doesn't do. And I go, I know him before he was an actor. I
knew him before he was like a thespian. Like, remember that, as an else, catch this is something.
This is nothing. This is something. This is nothing. This is is something this is nothing this is something this is nothing this is something is nothing
what's more Bobby as a Bobby doesn't have time to speak to you
peasants he's been wished away dude okay okay dude
listen it is true that it's not about that for me.
I was there, I supported Louis and Joe and that, but that whole thing,
it's about being on set, it's about finding choices,
it's about being with the other actors, doing what we do.
That stuff,
it actually takes it away from me now.
Like, you know, when, for example,
I'm there with my wife and we're in front of Louis and Joe,
and the names, they started, the names,
at the beginning and the credits.
And it was like, you know, Louis CK,
well, Joe Lis, well, and then Robert Kelly,
well, it was like, that takes away from it from me.
You know what I mean? I don't want people to be like,
wow, you got to really, you got to more than me. I don't want that.
I don't want that. So I figured if I went to the party,
let Joe and Louie have this. Yes. Right? I get it. I mean, you're being very
unselfish. Yes. You're very.
That or was the herniac surgery I had two days before Right. I get it. I mean, you're being very unselfish. Yes. You're very.
That or was the hernia surgery I had two days before that made me have to go home
because I was in brutal pain because you suffer for your craft.
Is that did you get the surgery because you were preparing for another role?
What's it like to be a patient? Oh, what's it like to be in the
look to have that herniac pain? I got an you got an actual surgery because
God, Bobby, they energy, the energy that you bring to the to the to the practice.
It's, you know, I'm glad that you see this because most comics
don't look,
they don't see it, they glaze over that, you know what I mean? Yeah, they don't get it.
And the fact that you know, they're working,
they're chucklehuts, they're working at you.
Oh, I got to fly a Tampa, I got to fly it,
I got it, I'm supposed to be in Cedar Rapids.
It's like they don't slow down and marinate in the
Craft in the craft and the craft to me is is that important right right it is
And if I get if you know the surgery I got for my next role, hopefully I didn't get the role yet. I'm just I'm auditioning
You have to audition?
Well, oh Michael Michael. I'm auditioning. You have to audition?
Well, oh, Michael, Michael, I choose to audition. Oh, okay. All right.
You like to be part of the process, then?
I like the process that energizes you.
Bobby.
The prize, I mean, from, from thinking about it,
to wanting it,
to manifesting it in my reality.
Yes.
I manifested that role.
Yes.
I would say I almost manifested the movie.
Yes.
I was putting it out there, like,
with the walls of lack and delay and now crumble away.
I now fulfill my destiny.
The movie with Louis and Joe, my close friends, comes to me now by divine right in a perfect way.
And then the movie happened.
Yes, right away. Are you drinking a coconut water now? Is that how you hydrate?
Because it's got extra, sure, it's $14 a box, but it's still, it's better than regular,
water is for regular people, extras. It's not for, yeah, regular, like, regular, like tap water
is for background people. I would say, say like this water is for stars, right?
And this type of water is for background.
And coconut is for both, like, you know,
for sure.
Probably red for shoot days.
Sure, sure, You need your voice.
But all Hollywood aside, it was unbelievable your performance.
I already knew, like I already knew you were a great actor first from the scenes in
Louis. I'm like, I'm watching you in that and it was some kind of a diner scene.
I'm like, God damn it. Bobby isn't a fucking really good actor.
You know what I mean? It's like your friends. So you don't know, you know what I mean?
You know if your friends are good at, you know, I mean, you're a great comic, but I don't
know you're a good actor. So I'm, but I'm watching, I'm watching the show Louis and then
in the diner scene as his brother. I'm like, God damn, fucking Bobby is a really good
actor. So I already knew it going into the movie.
Keith, Keith set me a text. He goes,
it really bugged me. How good you were.
He goes, it really made me angry.
I had to take him Tylenol.
Yeah, dude. It's funny, too, dude.
You know, I mean, Joe lists carried a movie.
It's unbelievable.
I mean, we'll talk about manifesting it. That guy did it, man. Yeah.
He manifested.
He put it out there.
He's like, now I'm gonna do,
because everybody's, we're all trying to, like,
in the, it seems like you get caught in the same,
you don't even think that's a possibility.
I mean, how many of us actually think
that's a possibility?
It's like, I'm gonna write and direct a movie.
It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Clint Eastwood.
What do you, you Clint Eastwood now?
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, you do that.
And it's like, he did it. He made it happen. And It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Clint Eastwood, what do you, Clint Eastwood now? Like, you know what I mean? Like, you do that. And it's like, he did it.
He made it happen. And it's like, anything is possible.
Yeah. Anything is possible if you have a talented multi-millionaire comic friend who knows
how to direct and make food films. Anything is possible. If you have a fallen angel that you can pick up and and and help
him to his wings heel, you're manifesting, connecting to the right people. I'm connecting
to the right people. So how are you doing, dude? We're, what's going on? I did, uh, didn't
get Montreal this year. I didn't know. You're at. I didn't get Montreal this year.
I didn't know.
You're at the point, like this, this, I look at it too, because I didn't get it a couple
of years.
It's not, you don't get it.
You got it.
You're once you're in, you're in.
Yeah.
Well, we don't get much.
Brendan Sagalo got Montreal.
Yeah.
Did you get Montreal?
You got new faces.
Oh, good for him.
Good for him.
You know, yeah, good for him. Good for him. You know, yeah good for him bad for Fini
Diffini not get it
Oh, that's gonna be an awkward podcast that those guys have oh, it's gonna be a great podcast
Fini's always one step behind saggalo
I mean not when they're walking
But yeah, I'm success success with his videos I mean, not when they're walking, but... But...
Yeah, but success with his videos.
Yeah, Liz texted me the other day.
She goes, Fini just got an applause break.
I want to stab myself in the neck.
Is there any better comedy community than what we have in New York City right now?
I know, man.
It's a blend and it brings it all.
I thought that Super Bowl between the Eagles and the Patriots was going to be the boiling
point, but everybody controlled themselves very well.
You guys sat at your table, we sat at our table, And it's just a, it's a meshing of different generations,
different places, different hostilities,
different time periods.
Like the seller back in the day, people don't remember it,
but I came in at the tail end of it
when you guys were doing tough crowd,
the tail end of tough crowd, when that still was a thing.
And you had to go take your beatings, man.
Even new people, like, who's this guy? Who's, man. Even new people like, who's this guy?
Who's this guy?
It was very like, who's this guy?
Who is he?
Who is he doing?
Is he any good?
Does he stink?
It's like very confrontational.
And that's all gone now.
Yeah, now it's, now it's, now it's,
now it's, now it's, now it's, now it's say? I said, now it's just pleasant.
Yeah.
Nice conversation about making it, which we all love.
No, but it's like coming up here now, all the comics, you know, Yoms up here, Big J's Host and Lises up here,
I just bumped into Rosebud.
A lot of female comedians too, back,
back with that tail end that wasn't as many female comedians,
funny female comedians as there are now.
I mean, the nasty show is half and half.
It's half female half know, half male, which
you know, I've never been a part of it. And these brides are killing it, you know what I mean?
Funny fucking shit. But it's like I was saying before though, like me and you and all,
they just ask us to do it now. We either do Montreal, we don't, we don't get it.
they just ask us to do it now. We need the Dumont Rail, we don't, we don't get it.
You know?
When they give me a year off, I'm not hurt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're probably on the road anyway.
You're working anyway.
But what was that?
I did do faces 10 years in.
10 years.
I did do faces 10 years in.
You know why that was. Yeah, because I had an old face
time. They're like, we need an old face for new faces. Different is better. Different, different,
is better. Same, different. This is something. This is something. This is something.
This is something this is nothing this is
Go get me a double cappuccino
Dude I
I never did new faces you know that right no. I did not know that oh boy to Jeff singer not like Bob Kelly
Jeff singer, you know that guy. He's such a pleasant guy guy. He, you know, he's a superstar in the business.
He did not like me, he did not like me.
He tried to get me, he would never like want me on Tough Crow either.
Call him, be like, get Bob Kelly on, he'd tell me I wasn't available.
I lived in the A U where you make up lies.
It's like he's got a christening.
Dude, I lived three blocks from where the tape tough crowd.
That's hilarious.
I mean, literally three blocks away.
You're like, you guys know it available.
Call me, call me.
What do I do?
What do I do?
They said you weren't available.
I'm like, what do you fight?
Dude, I have nothing in my career except this.
It's so funny too, because then you guys got all a bump from a tough crowd which was the
thing at the time.
Everybody, it was not only, I don't know if it was a commercial success of a show, but
all the comics looked at it like, oh my god, this is it, this is the show, man.
It was dude, if you look back, a guy started watching them recently dude. They were fucked up
I couldn't we'd all be done
That was aired today, dude
Go back and listen to it. It's it's crazy
Crazy it's the first podcast basically the first podcast dude what Colin would say I
Mean dude in his monologue the polo Patrice it was
Not go what they're on YouTube. I don't even know how they're on YouTube, but they're getting taken
But it was all it was so funny if you if you I rewatch them
They're so brutal and uncomfortable
Which I love.
They have these moments where certain comics would just fucking bomb.
Yeah, that's that's rough to bomb there. I'll tell you what, I was, I was
best man and big J's wedding. And that was nerve, like doing the speech,
doing the wedding speech in front of all of you guys is like, that
was nerve wracking.
It's like I'm going to bomb on a very touching emotional speech.
Yeah, I'm at the other end of it now because I'm older than you.
I'm worried about the funerals of my friends.
I'm going to have to speak at Voss's dumb funeral and Bonnie.
Bonnie's gonna go up and kill after and get a deal. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'm just gonna take a hot one. Yeah. Are you doing skank fest? Yeah.
Yeah, you're doing it?
I think so, yeah.
Oh, that's cool, man.
I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, I mean, I know what they're doing it.
I'm excited.
This one's gonna be great because you know where it's taking place?
Yeah, Vegas.
No, no, but where in Vegas?
Oh, I don't know.
No.
I thought about just doubling up and like, do that and then ask to do the common Yeah, Vegas. No, no, but where in Vegas? Oh, I don't know. No.
I thought about just doubling up and like do that and then ask to do the comedy seller,
but I'm like, do I want to be there for two weeks?
Why not?
Who gives a fuck?
I don't know.
Remember hot?
Nice?
Doesn't fuck a matter work on your shit?
Yeah.
That's the one.
Why are you chewing gum right now? Sorry, everybody.
I'll tell you why, because I had this protein shake, and it tastes like I sucked a mule off.
And then I needed something to get it out, but thank you, Moosh.
I appreciate you being a good little producer.
I mean, passive aggressively, a little bit.
You could have sent a text message to my phone,
private message to the thing.
You could have fucking called me.
What's happening?
What's going on?
Robbie, it's call out call.
You're now, these kids are calling you out
and I'm calling Mikey a kid.
He's called, he's called out call to you.
They call you out.
And then that's the thing from the podcast
that Hill posts, it'll go viral.
Yeah right and he'll be and but he'll make all the fans. Yes. Yes and I'll wind up onfest is on Fremont Street at the end.
So at the one end of the plaza and the hotel and all that shit,
you walked out Fremont Street, it was a freaking, it's a freakfest anyways.
And at the end, they have all this place with all these little theaters.
I think it was like an old movie theater that never made it, you know, with all the
cineplexes inside.
Yeah.
They ate all that space into usable theater space for shows.
So and then there's a whole upstairs outside venue, dude.
It's going to be fucking Vegas.
Skankfest is going to be crazy.
It's going to be fun.
And every walk.
You walk to the strip. Can you walk to the strip, can you walk to the other place?
You can, to the main, you do fuck the main strip.
I mean, you take a cab, you can't walk to it.
But, Fremont streets, the place to be, dude,
all the scene is for, they had 25 street lights,
they had all the side shows, they had wrongly,
all this free shit happened.
It's cheaper than the strip.
The strip now is a fucking disco tech for Paris Hilton.
It's all bullshit, dude.
It's packed traffic, a bunch of assholes at evening gowns
and fucking Rolexes, fuck them.
I'm telling you, free month street last time I was there,
I did the plaza.
There's a comedy club in the plaza. Tommy, what's his name, does it from comedy works.
It was the best time I had in Vegas. And then I'm thinking about going over to,
I'm thinking about going over to the seller after that and doing the week there too, or at least a half a week.
Yeah, that might be the move. That might be the move.
Get them to pay for making a little more cash.
Yeah, because you're already out there,
but then I was asking some people and they were like,
yeah, I don't know if I want to be out there for that long.
That's true too, but you're so far, that's such a long,
anywhere out west, man, it's such a long,
I feel like it's a long flight.
The flight is brutal and long and...
Well, it's not a fucking Australia,'s a 4.5 off flight. Yeah but it's anything like that I try to go a day early if I can.
Right. You try to go to day early but I'm going to
uh Italy uh August 3rd, Italy uh Turkey for the troops.
Armed Forces Entertainment. Oh that's awesome dude. Yeah so Italy Portugal Italy, Turkey for the troops armed forces entertainment.
Oh, that's awesome, dude.
Yeah, so Italy, Portugal and Turkey.
Where in Italy?
I don't know wherever the base is.
I'm not sure it's near Venice, I think,
but we go to Turkey and Portugal first, then come back.
And then I'm gonna meet Katie over in Rome for
Five days. We're gonna just spend five days in Rome. Oh, that's great. You got the hotel and everything all set up. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I got the place. I get the place you take your fendinner. Oh
You got it the best cop. Yeah, Liz gave better than Mateo
It's I think it's probably Mateo what he gave me to
Mateo and Liz gave me this carbon hour place. Yeah. It was the bet it was Kashiya Pepe and carbon
hour I already mentioned it. Yeah she I think she mentioned that one because she made all the
reservations she made all the tours. We're doing tours like I'm on a schedule when I get there.
I know isn't that nuts. You gotta go somewhere with them.
They're like my jealous.
They gotta discover everything.
You can't just, oh look at it.
Oh look at the homemade.
The Irish can't do it like that, Bobby.
I'm sorry to put you on blast.
I'm half Italian.
I didn't know that.
I knew it.
I knew there was a reason.
I knew there was a, but I'll tell you something
really about half Italian half Irish. It's such a, it feels like a common thing, but I don't
know if I said this before, so I'm sorry to your fans who are probably going to call me
out in the comments, but the best wrestlers were always Italian Irish or Italian German.
They were always Italian and something else. And the Irish, you need to something to,
and I think Metzger has that great joke,
you need something to cut your jeans.
It's like too much of one thing.
You get hunched out, we, like my family,
we are all 100%, we look like little apes, you know,
and then my cousin is half Scott Irish
and he's like, he's taller than us.
His cheekbones are more chiseled than us.
It's like, he's like the perfect,
because his jeans were cut.
The rest of us look like, we're like, yeah, gorillas.
It's like the end of a, the end of a paca-lipto made,
made jazel.
You know what I mean?
You know those little paca-lipto people
that knew how to fight and they were scrappy.
And then you know those spaniards come over
with nice helmets.
They're a little taller with blonde hair and blue eyes.
And they plucked a couple of them.
And then whoop, there's J-Lo.
Oh yeah, yeah.
I think Kurt's joke was, Kurt was like, yeah,
maybe that's why you maybe get some other races involved.
So you don't look like Boyle Ham.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Kurt was so good. I'm not sure.
You're so good.
Everybody.
Everybody in your family looks like boiled ham.
Mix it up a little.
Cut the racism.
Mix it up.
God, that's such a good fucking joke.
What a great premise.
Mix it up.
That's awesome. You're going with Katie to Rome. Yeah now when you do the troop thing who you going with?
Kyle Acasio, do you know her? No, she's funny. She's good people Carmen Lynch. I know you know her love Carmen
Carmen's great and Louis cats who I love I love Louis too. Yeah, man. He's a best. Yeah, that's great, man
I mean that's question. Are you doing like one base a day or
Great, man. Well, I mean, that's question.
Are you doing like one base a day or?
We move pretty fast.
I think they were late giving us,
I was looking at the plane tickets right before I logged on.
But it's like, we move pretty fast.
It's like two days in one spot and then you fly.
Then two days and then you fly.
And then two days and then you fly.
And then we're done.
And then it's like we're doing five days just in Rome.
But we're going to obviously hustle and get around. I'll tell you what really helps since it speaks
to Joe, it speaks to you. And I didn't realize it because I was stupid because I didn't have
an, I wasn't an alcoholic but I stopped drinking and really it really opened up a lot
in terms of like efficiency during the day, feeling good, getting stuff done.
It's like, I didn't think about, you know, you don't realize that when you're drinking.
And like I said, I wasn't like, Dan or Joe, like those guys were like, really alcohol,
like they would drink, drink, drink, drink.
I just would binge drink, but I can tell you what, man, the difference is on, I can't
even believe it.
I couldn't, I mean, I'm at so for 36 years, but I could not, but I wouldn't be, I can't even believe it.
I couldn't, I mean, I'm a soul for 36 years, but I could not, but I wouldn't be able,
I can't imagine having to get up and do radio
after drinking all that long and doing drugs
and smoking weed and cigarettes
and then just getting up at six to go to radio.
I mean, I applaud those fucking.
I mean, that's a young man's game, man.
I remember I used to, in college, I went home from college
and I would go out and get drunk until like three in the morning,
crash, and then wake up and go work construction at six.
Fuck, man.
Yeah, that was nasty, man.
It's just nasty. Like you smell like booze.
The other guys you're working with go,
you smell like booze.
Oh.
You just wettin' it out. It was in Florida too. It was just like, you're sweatin' booze, the other guys you're working with go and you smell like booze. And you're just wetting it out.
It was in Florida too.
It was just like you're sweating booze out.
You know, I look back and I know I was young when I drank alcohol tasted like shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like if you've ever had like an orange soda or a fucking white and black shake.
Right back.
And then a beer, you're like, the fucking what?
Yeah.
You know, the only benefit is that if fucking
makes you dizzy and fucked up.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know what that,
I remember the feeling like a can of courage, you know,
I used to get fucked. I would the feeling like a can of courage, you know, I used to get
fucked. I would always be afraid of shit. And then I would drink and my fears would go away and
I get cocky. I want to have a stick across my head or in a fucking upside down the bush.
Yeah, you immediately lose your inhibitions and it's nuts. But I mean, you did it for far too long.
You caught it early at least.
But I mean, like I said, like, it wasn't,
it wasn't to the point where it's like,
oh, you have a problem, you need to stop.
It's just like, hey, man, is this serving you in any way?
And that's me to myself.
Like during the pandemic, I'm getting hammered on the porch.
I'm just getting drunk on the porch.
Like, my girl's inside cooking.
I'm like, what am I doing?
Like, what exactly am I doing?
I'm getting hammered for no reason. I, with no company, I'm not, what am I doing? Like, what exactly am I doing? I'm getting hammered for no reason.
I, with no company, I'm not talking to anybody.
I'm just blocking people walk by listening to music,
getting hammered.
Like, what am I getting?
What am I accomplishing here?
Phenannas.
You didn't go in and hit Katie, did you?
Yeah.
I'm Neil.
I was more passive aggressive.
It's like, this is what dinner is.
Look, huh?
Huh?
This is something.
This is something.
This is nothing.
This is something.
This is nothing.
Do you learn a few things?
She was already pretty.
She was a good cook, you know?
But she went on TikTok.
And she does recipe.
She's so smart.
Like she's really, I really have respect
for intelligence, man.
People who are intelligent can really break things down
and they can just like take any problem
and kind of just work through it.
Like I need experience and I need to fail a bunch of times
and I need to really hurt in order to like figure it out
and get back.
It's like there's all this emotion involved
and like failing and like, pop and going back and trying it again. It's like there's all this emotion involved and failing and like,
pop and going back and trying it again.
It's like smart people are like,
no, okay, this, they just do,
they just problem solve it and figure it out.
She learns to cook from TikTok recipes
and she just makes,
she's like, yeah, I tried this from TikTok.
I'll eat it all like,
this is better than anything I've ever had in my life.
It's insane.
Like, how good is this?
She's like, yeah,
picked it up on TikTok. Yeah. She's basically a gourmet cook from TikTok.
What have you have, have you ever tried to do that?
I can't. Look, I have a thing, I'm not going to disguise it because I'm doing it in my
eye now. But it's, it's a thing where it's like she has, she has better days, smart
people have better days because they just go through and solve problems and there's a certain
confidence that builds. I have, but at night, the smart people, their big brain turns on
them and goes, you're not enough, why aren't you enough? Why aren't you enough? And then
they're up all night. Me, I have the opposite, I have me ha frustrado dÃas, pero a dÃa de noche, me voy a ver el malo de la ciencia y estar bien.
No me parece.
Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.
Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de pelÃcula y un sincÃn de aventuras desesperan.
¡Fui para!
Vuelas desde Madrid, Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.
Volotea
Tarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com
¿Aye usted que no es Marta es Katie? I'm not a smartest her, no way, no fucking way. And that's not me downing myself. I'm smart in my own way and stuff,
but it's like I'm not like her.
Like she can, she looks at a problem and figures it out.
Right.
Yeah, without all the,
ah, fucking call somebody and I got to call somebody.
And like I think, I don't think you're understood
because you're like that.
Like you, like you figure all this stuff out, build your own shed and put things to get.
It's like you're never kind of stumped by anything where you're just beating your head against the fucking thing.
It's like you just figure it out.
Like you're smart. You figure it out. She figures it out.
Like I have to go through all of this because I think it's, I don't know if you had a stepfather that was good
or you just have a bigger brain or something,
but like my father would just fucking melt down.
He would just melt down and it wouldn't get solved.
We'd have to call somebody.
What do you mean?
Like, you mean the TV?
The TV was broken.
We put a smaller TV on top of the broken TV
until we could fix the broken TV.
And then my father would tell my brother,
like, get me a hammer.
And even at that age, my brother was like,
it's a TV, like a hammer is not gonna,
this is gonna end badly.
And then my father would tap it around
and then start to lose it.
And then he would do the personification thing
where you give the broken TV emotions,
like it's against you, like it's alive. And then he
would fucking beat the TV. What are you talking about? He would get mad at the TV. He would get
mad at the broke whatever broken object. He would get mad and would give it human characteristics.
And he would person knows that that TV is not against you. But he just loo you just unravel.
Right.
And I'm not sure.
I mean God rest his soul.
He had a lot of good qualities, but that was that's what I saw growing up.
Right.
That's fucking funny, dude.
I wish I I want to meet your dad.
I'm meltdown too.
I'm trying not to melt down because I'm 51 now. Yeah, but how do you do all the shit that you do? Like how do you think you have all this stuff like it's like pretty
Not that easy to figure out
Everything like my wife said to me one day we went to a bookshelf like a cabinet
Store like a furniture store. She wanted this certain bookshelf from Max's room and
there were $800, $900
for these fucking real wood bookshelves.
So I looked at it, I looked at the back in the front
and I turned it around, I go, I'll build it.
And she's like, what?
And I was just like, I'll build this.
And you can build it.
I know exactly what this is.
I went on YouTube, I typed in building a bookshelf.
There was some fat dude with an iPhone,
and there was these certain things that you use.
Like it's a thing you clamp on to the board
and it sinks in a hole so you can get the screw in
and it goes away.
And I didn't even know the fucking name of it,
but I just went and bought one.
And then in two days I built this amazing bookshelf,
six foot tall.
Like she said, the same thing for Max,
it goes, I want him to have a science lamp.
I want a fold up table, I want shelves inside,
I want the top, the sides to be magnet,
so we can put magnet stuff on it.
So I just went and I learned how to build a box with wood.
And then I put a folding shelf on it
and I carved his name in it, max,
so that we're open.
That's insanity.
That's insanity, what you're describing.
But first step, I would have been stumped
where it's like, I gotta go get this clamp.
It's like, I don't know if it's the right clamp.
I don't know what we're doing.
Like, what's the, and then I would get the wrong clamp
and then it would be like that's,
and then it would be a week.
And then somebody would go, well, that's the wrong clamp.
I was like, well, now I'm back, set back a week,
and I'm still have no momentum going into this project.
Plus like, get the other things that are happening.
That I need to, there you go.
This, this, it's like, yeah, it's problem solving.
See everybody shits on math.
Everybody goes, why am I doing this?
What's the point of math?
Like what's the point of math?
And it's like, yeah, it's not the actual math that matters.
It's the how to go from one step to another step
and get the correct answer.
That's what the point of math is.
Right, but you could do that.
It's this dumber people on YouTube teaching you how to do the thing you want to do. Like,
when I wanted to learn about like the woods, I followed these two
a fat Jewish guy and a thin Jewish guy with eczema all of his hands.
And I just watched their dumb videos. And there were two fucking just shit people in the woods.
And I just was like, okay, and I listened to what they said.
And then I went to another one and then another one.
And then I went out in the woods.
If like, I'm like, if these ex-m-a-fucking
little bitters can go out in the fucking woods, I can.
I like how this took an anti-Semitic
term.
But I can't use going to the woods and I'm like, hey, if these, if these are issue fears
can go in the woods.
These guys, I think at X amount they're allergic to everything. I could do it. We had to be we had to set up tent by fucking sundown.
We couldn't use flashlights. Now, dude, I'm just saying that did take a Boston
undercover anti-Semitic turnipologist.
You're a politician. That's right. I think we should do now. It's like right when
you say the thing apologize for it. Don't wait for it to people to get outraged.
Just do it and then, and then when they play the clip,
you go, but I apologize right after.
And here's my clip.
Yes, of the apology.
Yes, I apologize.
That did take an anti-Semitic turn.
But in a funny way, but I do apologize.
No, that's sort of a book of a joke.
There's two Jews in a woods.
Okay, I'm listening.
One of them has an exima, one of them's fat.
Is Ari up there?
No, Ari's not up here.
It's the 40th anniversary, but it's scaled back a little, dude.
Like you didn't even get a welcome bag.
Wow. Like, you didn't even get like a notebook or just for laughs hat or whatever. They were like,
we don't look at, we've been gone for two years, we don't get the cash for that.
Oh, I thought they were, did COVID, like, we're afraid for you to touch anything.
Now, they're not that bad with it. Yeah. Yeah, the hotel's, it's a double trees now.
Where was it?
Where was it that big lounge
and we always to get at bar?
We've circle bar, that's gone.
Wow.
At the restaurant now.
It's like a breakfast place.
Wow.
Where does everybody hang out?
Well, no one's been up here.
Everybody's coming up today.
So I don't know.
I think they might try to take that restaurant and make it a little hangout place. But I don't know. It's kind of not
as crazy with people as it usually is. What's the first year back, right? First year
back in two years. 40th anniversary. And I think that this this year it's a little scale back but yeah and it's a whole
different hotel. This hotel is nuts. The elevators are far, they got one elevator going upstairs,
okay? One of the elevators work and then you get a wait for the other elevators. So it gets nuts.
Like there's one elevator that's supposed to bring you have to go up a floor and then go to another elevator.
Yeah, I'm going to go up to the next floor.
You really got to want to leave your room.
Right.
You got to want it.
Yeah.
I've been walking every day.
I've been walking around this.
This city is awesome though.
I love it.
It is great.
It's a great time.
Who are some like it's Chappelle there?
It's like who are the like main, is there?
I'm going to wrestle peduses up here.
Burr is doing the, it's so funny.
I remember being up with, here with Burr,
I don't know, five, six years ago.
Maybe a little longer, maybe seven years ago.
And him, me and him sitting out in front
and they have those big, like, signs
with all the shows and the people on it.
You know what I mean?
And they're beautiful, perfect little headshots.
And, uh, and Burr wasn't on the fucking post,
like he had his own show.
Yeah.
And he wasn't even on the fucking.
He was like, didn't put my fucking face up here.
Didn't put him in the fucking, and he was, I remember, and I was pissed too, because I wasn't even on the fucking. He was like, didn't put my fucking face up here. Didn't put cool, and I remember, and I was pissed too,
because I wasn't on it.
And we were doing the cheat show up here.
We were doing the cheat thing at the,
they have the Transsexual Strip Club,
Cleopatra, and we would do our show, we'd do stand-up,
and we'd show the movie.
Or we'd show the movie, and then do stand-up,
and then do a Q&A.
It was a cool little show we did.
And then he had his own hour up here.
Right.
And they didn't have his face on the fuck opposed.
That's great.
Maui's playing the Bell Center.
That's fantastic. Is that fucking crazy? That's a great story man. That's I love those
I love that I love the kind of stories because I mean
Somebody's in at the door hang on one sec, okay
Like just take over. I'll be right back. Okay, so Mike how are you?
Mikey I'll be right back. Okay. So Mike, how are you?
Mikey?
Mike?
Nicole? Hey.
Hey.
What's up?
How are you doing?
What happened to Mike?
Did he leave?
I don't know.
I'm getting concerned.
Are you guys in New York?
Yes, I am.
He might be in Texas.
Oh, wow.
Do you do comedy, Nicole?
I do not. I just push the buttons,
but having a lot of fun doing that.
All right. So you are you in the village?
Well, that's where I work, but I'm doing this from home.
And I've moved to Jersey City. So.
How has that got a funerless in Jersey City?
It likes it.
Yeah, it's pretty great.
Definitely less expensive.
Yeah.
A little less spooky from time to time.
You got that path that runs on the hour, right?
Yeah, yeah, which big fan of that cleaner than the subway,
less scary.
Where were you living?
I was in Brooklyn.
I was in Bushwick and Bedstuy kind of in that area
for a few years, but then I came over here.
Was it rough?
Uh, yeah.
I mean, it's even like, weirdly enough,
I had less weird experiences than I have outside
of even just the seller.
Like I got punched outside the seller the other day.
Yeah, you did.
Yeah.
No, I'm sorry.
Like how, how, what happened?
That seems like a great, that seems like there's a story there.
Not, I mean, I wish there was.
I was just walking in some guy carrying a razor scooter
just drilled me in the arm fully unloaded on me.
Wow.
Yeah, it was crazy.
So did he run away or did he stand there
and wait for you to fire back?
I don't know, because I just kept walking in silence.
I didn't know what to do.
Which people have told me that was probably
the right thing to do to just not address it
and keep going.
Otherwise maybe he would have flipped out.
But yeah, I just kept walking.
And I was like, I'm just not going to turn around. I'm going to keep walking towards this crowd of
people. And hopefully he walked by you and punched you in the arm. Yes. Like we were passing each
other. Yes. But he just looked like a normal dude. Like he had kind of shoulder length, beachy waves,
hair, and sunglasses. Yeah. Like looked like he was probably from Williamsburg.
And then he just punched me.
Yeah.
You got punched?
Yeah.
Literally after our show, I left and I got punched.
Like I walked outside and got punched.
Outside of bends.
What did a guy do?
I'm sorry.
I just heard this.
I'd nothing.
I just got punched.
Like there's no backcountry in my arm, like shoulder.
Did he know you was like, what's up, Nicky?
No, he didn't know me.
He literally gave me a dead arm in Punch Me.
And you just kept walking?
Yeah, I didn't know what to do.
I mean, I didn't want to be like, what the fuck?
And then him just start unloading on me.
But this was in broad daylight also, it was in the middle of the day.
Was he a homeless person or a skateboard kid?
He didn't look like it.
He was carrying a razor scooter.
And he just looked like a normal dude.
And then he dropped the scooter
and I started to get like a weird energy.
And then when I walked past him, he just punched me
as hard as he could.
They were pretty close.
Yeah, nobody said anything.
It was very odd, but we were standing pretty close
to each other like a foot away.
So I think if I were any farther away from him,
it probably would have done some damage.
But it was a little kind of like rock-em-sock-em,
teeny punch, because we were so close.
What do you do?
I mean, New York is fucking nuts, man.
That's not, especially that area is like,
it's got that, it's got that frantic energy too.
That really, like the village is,
it has that unstable, like you never know
what's gonna happen energy.
Yeah, dude, and the homeless,
a fucking, you heard what happened to Mike Fanny,
the guy opened his car and leaned in did it was like I'm not a threat
Like lean that is threatening, but that is true. I hate to point it out to the fans, but that's threatening
I mean, I wish you there
On my podcast. I like to talk to the fans like they're just no their low
Functioning I go in that and that actually
is like, let me make it clear for you guys. That is threatening.
Fat JC, I'm sorry for punching you. He had a lot of scooter stress that day.
But Nicole, you're an athlete, right? You could have like squared off on them and like,
you know, leaned into it. I don't know about that. I played women's lacrosse. So I don't
know.
Don't say women's like it's less than men's lacrosse. That's
lacrosse.
There's no contact in women's.
Yeah. And they don't have to wear a helmet, dude. That's how
much there's no contact.
They just wear goggles in a chest plate.
So they're like, well, I'm trying to build you up, Nicole.
You train your trained athlete.
I used to be.
Yeah.
She's no good without the stick.
And I got punched by a grown man.
Like, I don't know.
I appreciate you trying to build me up here.
But I'm four foot 11.
How old is he, Nicole?
If I had to guess, probably like early 30s.
No, I want you to go back and investigate
and find out for real.
Well, Bobby, I mean, this is where I start
because I have an investigatory podcast.
I hate, I know it's not plugs,
but I have an investigations podcast
and I want to look into this.
I think it's probably somebody you dated, Nicole,
and that there's some animosity there. And it's like, you saw your lover on the street kind of a thing,
and you refuse to acknowledge you. Maybe you've blocked the whole thing out of your mind,
but it's still fresh in his mind. You kicking him out. So not that there's any use to
hit a woman. Let me make that clear for the bloggers. That's true. If you are going to hit
a woman in the shoulder
It's probably the best place to hit them right Mike. Yeah walking by with no relationship like maybe he was mad at his girlfriend
You resemble her and it's like well, you know if I if I hit my girlfriend people are gonna put that together
I'm gonna end up in jail. So let me just
Hit somebody else's girlfriend. Yes. Yeah I mean, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I mean, what are you really didn't like I told him about it and then he didn't ask about it until the next day when he was walking out the door. He was like, wait, so you got punched yesterday. What happened?
Like it was nothing.
Oh my god, I mean, you love because he was trying to show you karate something that you could use to defend yourself, Nicole. Hey Nancy Carrigan, Nikki. He Nancy Carrigan, Nikki. She really got
a whack at Wack right now. Did you say, oh, no, I literally said nothing. I didn't even
turn to him, which is part because I'm very passive, but also because I was like, if I even
look at this person, he's gonna just deck me, I think. I thought you were really nervous because you could take a punch.
Yeah.
I thought that's what you were gonna do.
I didn't wanna just ask what they were going with it.
Hey, Mike.
Mike.
Yeah.
This is something, this is nothing.
This is something, this is nothing.
It's my favorite thing.
What is your new podcast about, by the way?
It's investigations. It's a fake investigations podcast.
We just do, we investigate certain things in the news, but we make sure that I get the calm.
I get people on. I'd love to have you on. I know you're busy.
So I try not to pressure my more successful friends,
I try not to guilt them into coming on.
But we just go through topics and investigate them,
deeply investigate them.
Real, like real, I know it's fake,
but is it real investigations?
It's whatever topics are, what's going on in there.
Like we're covering stuff that no one is covering on podcast, baby formula shortage.
People have kind of let that go in the news, and that's a point for me.
It's like, we go after it.
It's like, why can't women breastfeed?
Well, women are astronauts now.
They can't get out of the suit to breastfeed, and they get back into the suit and be in space.
They can't do two things.
We need the baby formula.
What's the hold up with the baby formula?
Like, we're constantly asking questions. We need the baby formula. What's the hold up with the baby formula? Like we're constantly asking questions.
We're going after it.
Well, can I send something your way for maybe your show?
You maybe you can start up a little bit now.
Choco tacos are getting discontinued.
Why?
Chocolate tacos?
Choco tacos.
Oh, that's a brand.
Nicole, can you bring up a choco taco?
I'm surprised. Neither of you know what it is.
It's like a staple of the ice cream truck,
but I'll bring up a picture for you.
I know what it is now.
It's an ice cream taco.
Oh wow.
It's a Chaco Taco and they're not making them anymore.
There's something up with that.
Who doesn't make a successful treat?
Look at it.
Well, it's cultural appropriations.
You're taking something Mexican
and you're profiting off of it.
It's appropriations.
And a diabetes is pretty Mexican too.
Well, Mike's back.
And that's from a suarez.
From this Mike is from the suarez cartel.
Yes, yes, that's his uncle.
His uncle. Hey, that's crazy. I didn't know that even existed.
I want to it's they're out of a, I will investigate that.
First of all, we have to explain to, I have to explain to my fans what Chaco Taco,
they probably know because they overeat.
But I like to explain it and then look into it.
But do you know outside of the seller on Westforth
right next to the basketball courts,
there's a food truck that makes pasta.
I'm dying to try it.
You gonna try pasta out of a food truck?
Yes.
Is it fresh pasta?
I have no idea.
It's just that they're selling it for like the price
that's like 1495 or something. But it's like just you get off a sweaty subway
That's not my first inclination. It's like I could go for some rigatoni right now
But I do want to try it just I want to give it a shot
You know, I did that one night. I'm such a fat bastard one night I left a seller every food truck. I
Saw all the way up to 37th Street. I stopped and got something off of that's a show man
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to pigeon hold you into like a network thing, but that's a show
Bobby eats just you leaving the seller hungry and just hitting every spot that you can and you're taking a little nibble of everything and
Then you're like giving you the thumbs up or like, no, this is terrible.
It's like, you know, you're in the, uh, well, the problem with me.
Good Montreal.
That's something we can't work with.
Bobby, I'd like a producer credit, but it's like something that we could network.
One bite Bobby.
Yes.
Oh, there you go. One bite Bobby. That's a great name. One bite Bobby. I take one bite and I say yes or
nay. Right. And then if we want to make it into a movie, you run into Nicole. She or three other guys. And then we go after him. Right. If you want to be like a Charles Bronson type thing. And we beat him with his
metal scooter. Not not because he hit Nicole because he's over 13 and he has a metal
scooter. Let me tell you, let me ask you questions. And I need your opinion because I don't want to be mad about this.
Uh-oh.
And then we have questions for you.
I have questions for you.
I want to do plugs for you.
Where are you at, by the way?
Let's do, I like doing plugs in the middle.
Like the so people get, at least sneak them in.
Where are you at?
You get stuck with us.
Yeah.
I'm in New York right now in my apartment.
Nope.
Where?
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
My actor's breathing before you.
Where are you going to be?
Do you get any plugs?
What's your plugs?
Your podcast?
What's your podcast?
Where is it?
Mike Vecchio investigates.
MBI, Mike Vecchio investigates. MBI Mike Vecchio
investigates. I think MBI will not bring you to it, but Mike Vecchio investigates. We're
trying to figure out a different way to market it as my name is hard to spell, but they can,
I'm sure it's going to be in the links. I'm sure Nicole will do that. If she knows what's good for
right. She won't get it again. Becky on investigates is my podcast and
if you I really need listeners I'd work hard on it and I try to bring guests on the more
the up and coming guys people at the seller, you know, because they're just trying to do
podcasts and trying to get up and they're not as busy as like our friends who are out
like on the road. That's how you get viewers, because you have the new guys on that don't have many viewers.
Right.
And that's how you get more viewers.
Well, we need to give them a platform.
Yes.
So, Mike Vekio, investigate, MikeVekio.com for dates, and I'm an Austin doing a corporate
for the Texas Truckersxas truckers association
which i can't wait for
on the twenty seventh so flying in a little bit early i'm gonna uh...
do the texas truckers association fly home and then fly overseas
and you do in the troops
the truth yeah
i mean those are the best shows you'll ever do. I mean, and when I look back on,
hey, what was the bet? It was doing shows for the troops. Right. Nothing like it. When they come up to
you after the show. Yeah. And say, thank you. It's the most genuine. Thank you. I've ever gotten
in my life. They're just so happy to see American comedy. Right. And laugh. Yeah, they really needed and it's uh, let me clarify for the fans. It's our troops.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're doing Turkish troops.
You want to do people getting that confused. They're like, um, wait a second.
No, it's our troops.
So yeah, that'll be fun. I have an hour that I taped in Nashville
where the tale of end of editing
directed by Nate Bargazzi and 800 pound gorilla.
So it should be out soon.
So look for it.
We don't have a platform.
We're gonna try to sell it.
It's clean.
It's, but it's still a good, you know, it's, it's,
you're one of the best, man.
I was talking to somebody of your technician
You're a fucking technician. You're hard work and you remind me of Nate
Just Italian instead of a fucking gray-haired redneck. Yeah, very funny And the fact that you got a clean album. It's gonna be everywhere. That's a good
You good idea, man. That's great. Needed something, something different.
You get to a point where you're like,
okay, I'm just, I'm running out,
I need to do something a little bit different.
So hopefully it opens up new audience,
it'll be a niche, hopefully we can sell it
to Netflix if we can't, then it'll be on YouTube.
But look for it if you're a fan, a comedy fan,
I know your people are hardcore comedy fans.
So please look for it, it'll be out hopefully pretty soon,
or at the tail end of editing.
So.
Yeah, one of the best ones.
Don't ever say tail end of anything ever again.
Um, just say we're almost done.
Yeah.
It's done.
Yeah.
The tail end.
You know, you know, finishing a new car. you know, doing a custom job on a Chevy,
they were at the tail end of this fucking Chevy. So I'm at the gym today, right?
Yeah.
You go on to the gym a lot. Nice.
And I go to the gym and I'm working out, I'm doing my thing and there's a couple of comedians
that younger people, I don't know who the fuck they are, but they're younger, right?
Right. Right. comedians, they're younger people. I don't know who the fuck they are, but they're younger, right?
Right.
And they're on the treadmill.
I'm doing weights because you know, I'm a man.
And that's what men do.
Runners for women.
Women and old men.
So anyways, I look over this kids on the thing
running sweat and I was,
and he just gets off and leaves.
Now, wipe down?
And I'm like, hey, I lit it the last time, hey,
but I didn't catch him.
You know?
Yeah.
So I go over, I grab, I go up to get the stuff and I wipe it down.
I get a bunch of baby wipes and I wipe it down.
It's like, so I look over to this other kid.
This other shed rule gets off the thing
and just walks out.
And I was like, hey, and he leaves too, I don't catch him.
I'm like, who the fuck raised you?
That's parenting.
In my eyes, that's fucking your shit parents.
Never made you clean up a fucking thing in your life.
Right.
You just walk away from shit and expect some minion, some gunga din,
some fucking, someone beneath you to clean up you a fucking sweat.
And these are the same people that would yell at you during COVID.
If you didn't have a mask on, your nose was sticking out.
Right.
Or you didn't get your fucking stupid booster ooster, right? These are the same people that scream at you during.
Now they're the sweat.
Now that you get the okay, you sweat and dribble.
Clean your fucking, I'm telling you.
Y'all just came in after.
I go, if I find these people, I'm going to have to tell them.
I'm going to have to vigilante these guys and just go, dude, wipe your sweat up.
It's not-
You're going to have to- You're going to have to have- Yes, they're younger comics, up. You got a, you got a,
you got a, you got a,
you got a, you got a,
you got a,
you got a, go over to them and go,
can I get five minutes?
Can I get?
What do you think I should not say anything?
No, no, no, no, you definitely should say something.
Just, I have a curiosity.
I mean, I'm sure they're going to play Kate.
They're going to, they're going to be like,
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're going gonna, you know, because they know you like whatever.
They know you so they're gonna be like,
probably, you know, very conciliatory about it.
But what do you think of the other way where it's like,
after you touch anything, you wipe off everything?
Yeah, I think you're a psycho too.
Yeah, you're a psycho both ways.
A hundred percent, but you sweat on a treadmill
for a little bit, you go get the spray bottle,
you wipe it down.
Right.
Nobody needs to touch your, whatever the fuck,
whatever you ate and drank
and then just came out of your pores,
you're gonna fuck, I don't want that, whatever that is.
I don't need, and I'm not a germaphobe, I don't give a shit.
Right. I dropped a tomato, I'm gonna tell, and I'm not a germaphobe. I don't give a shit. Right. I dropped the tomato plug and the taro
I'm picked it I ate it.
Five second rule. Yeah.
The five second rule.
I'm talking right in the chair spot where most guys masturbate
in this position. I mean, there's a there's a lot of gizz on this floor.
Yeah, there's a lot of gizz on the floor, but it just shows that you're not afraid of monkey pox.
Maybe that's the most.
No, monkey pox.
Yeah, come afraid of monkey pox, dude.
Yeah, you can't go anywhere with monkey pox, dude.
Like COVID, you can sneak out, but like, no, it's just a cold.
Monkey pox, you got monkey pox now.
Just your fucking bubbled hand.
Yeah, as you're holding the mic, Monkey's part you got monkey pucks now just your fucking bubble hand. Yeah
As you as you're holding the mic as you grab the mic all the bubbles pop and splash
I got questions for you from the fans right?
We're gonna wrap this up
Fucking man, it's good to talk. Yeah, I'm in a while. YouTube buddy, and I'm glad I got to congratulate you.
It's really a great job, man.
Really, the whole project was unbelievable.
I thought Tony V was great.
I thought Nick was great.
You were unbelievable, and the way it came together
was really nice.
And the thing is, I know it's been said before,
but in the Q&A it was very funny also,
because you guys are all hilarious, but you don't see stuff like that in movies anymore. Like, I don't know what the been said before, but in the Q&A it was very funny also because you guys are all whole areas. But you don't see stuff like that in movies anymore. I don't know what the critics
are saying, but it's like I was talking to Sarah and Joe because I was in Chicago and
they were promoting it in Chicago. And it's like, what's the criticism of the movie? It's
very touching. It's like very heartfelt. It's funny. It's like the only criticism is
there weren't enough Marvel superhero characters in it
I would have like Iron Man making appearance at the family barbecue
Somebody I mean somebody could have flew in right
Or swung in or something
There wasn't enough Wonder Woman there. No, there was not you're right
I got questions for you before we wrap this up. You ready for these? Sure.
Okay, we got a couple more right. This is from, do we have names too mush?
We do. Mush is going. Oh, Nick, there you are. Nick, why am I calling mush?
Well, does mush go take naps? No, I'm here, but she's the one in charge today. So that's why I was
She's the one in charge all the time
That hurt didn't it mush
I didn't mean that listen this something and then there's nothing
All right, do you want to when do we read the names first?
Yeah, and then do this, because the questions,
I don't wanna step on the questions after,
and then have to go to some anti-climactic names.
Here on the podcast,
I like to thank all my Patreon members.
My Patreon members not only came on board
at the beginning of the pandemic,
before the pandemic, when I did live from the shed,
when I did a tech the shed when I did
Tech Talk with Bobby and friends and now of course with the Coffin Kelly and then of the extra YKWD you guys have always supported me. I want to thank you for being a supporter and a new supporter
by mentioning your name right here on the thing and maybe Mike can help me with these names.
here on the thing, it maybe Mike can help me with these nicks. Oh, we only got three, that's good.
It's, you know, it's dwindling down.
There's one name.
Her name is Kathy Borsetti, mom.
Okay, ready?
Aaron Emory.
How do I know that guy?
I feel like I know Aaron Emory.
Hey, you read one, Mike.
Tom Roten.
And Ratmuffin.
Ratmuffin!
Dude, it makes me so happy
when they fucking come up with great names.
We have the business reads too.
Oh, do I have to?
All right, bring those up.
Let me do those.
Where are they?
I email them to you.
You're an asshole.
You think I'm gonna open an email?
Don't you know that I don't do meany things? That's right. Where is it? Businesses. I got it right here. Hey, what? You've heard that guy.
What? I hate you. I hate you much.
I hate you. I hate you, mush.
It's the guy time you're not podcasting.
No, I know.
You've heard the guy time's presence is the only podcast network in the world that have
injected bono medicine into the penis of paralyzed man for content.
But now you probably want to know what other shows are on the network. Network of work checking out. Check this out. Our family Jules, it's an
awesome trivia-based drinking game podcast that you can play along right from home.
And it's right there on the Guide Times feed alongside over a dozen other
messed up series for you to enjoy.
Wherever you get your podcasts, you need to check it out.
You need to check it out.
Guide time presents.
Check out that family juice.
That actually sounds fun.
I like this network.
They're promoting, they're smart enough
to promote on my show on another network.
You can't, you can't fuck with these guys. They get me to promote them.
And you know what?
But I'm happy to promote people who are creating content
and doing different shit and doing ballsy fucking stuff
and, you know, not talking about silly bullshit.
So, good for you guys.
Go check them out.
Malik Jemps has an ever growing variety
of beautiful tungsten Cambridge rings
to fit any style of version of your life.
You wanna look gaudy like Rich Voss,
like a little Jewish pimp from Jersey.
They got your covered.
You wanna look sleek, cool.
Well, like Mike Vecchio, like an Italian stoyam,
they got that too.
You want to shine bright and be noticed, huh?
Like Bob Kelly, like Big Bob Kelly, they got you covered.
So go to mallocjems.com, use promo code YKWD
for 15% off your order.
You want to attract women like Jim Norton,
they got you covered.
Malikjem.com, that's M-A-L-I-C-G-E-M-S.
There you go.
All right, listen, you ready for these questions?
Yes.
All right, now I'm gonna let you go.
Thank you for being on for so long,
you know, to appreciate it.
Yeah.
All right, this is from a Lou.
You know, Lou, she's a big fan.
Yes, I know Lou, she's awesome.
Every time I go to, I've been a Baltimore in a while,
but she's just come out in Baltimore.
She's Mugubis.
She's great.
She's one of the best. Mike, did you ever wear an Italian horn necklace?
Yes, but I'll tell you what, that's a great question, Lou.
And I did wear it.
I don't wear any jewelry because I used to wrestle.
I cousins growing up when I was in Ohio.
And I would wear a necklace.
First of all, I forget to put it on half the time.
And then when I did put it on, I'd always get this some kind of
a wrestling something match.
And it would just get ripped off and broken. And then when I did put it on, I'd always get this some kind of a wrestling something match and it would just get ripped off and
broken and then I would never get it fixed. Dude, it's so true. Max, I got him a gold rope chain.
It broke twice. Now it's just in a box. Yeah. It's just 300 bucks. Yeah, no jewelry. No jewelry. It always got torn off, ripped off,
somewhat or lost.
So I never did it.
It was never a jewelry guy, you know.
But it was supposed to ward off the evil spirits.
Yeah.
The horn.
The horn.
Did you, did you believe that?
I believe that, yeah.
Okay, ready.
Here we go.
This is to me.
Oh, I never get a question.
Fahid Alaqwa Teenatana.
Wow.
Alaqwa Antana.
To Bobby, Bill Burr once mentioned a cigar you gave him
that he thinks is the best cigar he had.
Do you know the brand?
Do you know the brand?
Fuck! I don't know if that's a true story.
Was it...
Koyo is the best cigar I think he's ever had.
But then there's another one called a...
I believe a platinum
From this company that is another holy shits a guy so I don't know the answer to that question mr.
Fahad ala Kwan Tatiana
I Here you go from Nathan Cohen you ready and 200
To 500 words describe Dan Sayet Soda-Naked.
I actually, this is going to be hard for people to believe,
but I've actually never seen Dan Soda-Naked.
We did live in a confined space,
but we respected each other's bathroom privileges.
So when he went into the bathroom,
he would come out with a towel, go to his room. I would come out with a towel, go to my room. We never saw each other naked. I
know that's hard to believe, but we didn't. Even with girls, like when we were dating, we'd bring
girls in and like there was never any co-mingling or intermixing, but he's got a great build. I'll
tell you that much. He's got a couple of tattoos, which I love.
What are the tattoos?
I didn't know he had tattoos.
Yeah, he had tattoos.
He has a nice, someone who shows.
He fell from a Scooby Doo on one arm.
He's got some kind of Colorado something.
And I just saw him last night.
And every time I see him now, I just want to grab him.
I miss that guy, man.
I freaking loved living with him.
I mean, I mean, I lived with them for 10 years.
And it was one of those things where it was like,
I was, you know, when we moved out,
people, I was telling people the seller and they're like,
did you cry?
I was like, yeah, I cried and we both cried
in each other's arms when we moved out.
I say it serious and they go, oh, well, that, you know,
well, you guys,
you live together for a long time.
They started by saying,
did she cry?
I was like, yeah, actually we cried in each other's arms
and they go, oh, well, you know, you guys, friends, you know.
That's a thank you, John.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I asked, kind of a thing.
That's a new generation.
If that was my generation,
you would have kicked out of the cell.
Yeah, absolutely.
Look at his cry baby.
I see it at the table.
Look at this thing.
We got to go to cry baby.
We got to go to cry baby.
We got to go to cry baby.
All right, here we go.
We got one more question for you coming in.
Hot. Land in hot.
Landon DS. What a good name, huh?
That is a great name. It's dangerous.
Nice to land in what you name? Landon. Wow.
And DS too. Fuck it. Pretty much do whatever you want now.
What's your best drunk Nate Bergazzi story?
Good question.
Oh my God, that is a good one.
Cause I got one.
My favorite one is...
I mean, I gotta think,
because the Joe DeRosa one is pretty funny.
You know the Joe DeRosa one?
No, what's that?
He got drunk and he was like a Joe was at the bar
and Joe was like getting stuff.
So Nate went to the bar and was like,
I don't get it.
He's telling Joe like, I don't get it.
And Joe's like, what are you talking about?
He's like, your whole thing, I don't get it.
And Joe was like, kinda about? He's like, your whole thing. I don't get it. And Joe was like, kind of hurt by it's like, because I don't think Joe was that drunk, but Nate
was hammered. So I was like, I don't, I don't know what you're doing up there. I don't get it.
It made me laugh so hard. And then those guys are friends and we're all friends. So it's not
anything, you know, whatever. But it's like, I don't even get what you're doing. You're just angry at everybody. Yeah,
when about McNuggets, I don't know what that is.
It's just funny. It's just so funny.
Like, I remember my drunk. It's like, I was, went to Nate's birthday. It was,
it was at brother Jimmy's in the city.
Yeah.
I showed up and I just ended up getting hammered.
Just hammered.
And to the point where everybody was gone,
and it's like me and the girl I was dating at the time,
we were just hammered and I was just dancing at the bar.
Like it was like, we were the only him, Laura, me,
and my girl were the only ones left.
And I was just like,
really going hard at the bar. And it wasn't even like a disco like that.
And I was like, music, hammered. There was music. Yeah, there was music. But I was,
I was like, I just go, it's one of those were, I'll just go stop by for a drink.
It's like, you stop by for a drink and then you just get annihilated. And then they,
you know, you're just like, yeah.
and then just get annihilated and then they could, you know, you're just like, yeah.
Yeah, Nate's funny, man.
He's so quick.
I remember one time he came to New York,
this, he was on my podcast a bunch,
and then he came to New York and he didn't,
he didn't call me or anything,
but I, I called him up and I was like, you know, what the fuck man?
You come to New York, you don't even fucking call me, he goes, Bobby, you don't even know
my daughter's last name.
I was like, I know you fucking daughter's last name.
Fuck off, he goes, what is it?
And I was like, and then I just hung up. What was it, Nantaski?
What's your name again?
No.
You don't know.
You know my daughter's last name?
Yeah.
No, her first name, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I fucked up the joke.
I sucks. He goes, he goes, I don't know, you know my daughter's name,
you don't even know my daughter's name.
I was like, fuck you, I know her, go fuck yourself.
And I was just sitting there, he goes, what is it?
And I was like, I'm trying to Google it, but that's
what Google wasn't as good as it is now.
And I was like, Napar Gatsy daughter, right, and driving.
I just hung up. And then I called them back like a day later. And I was like, Napar Gatsy daughter, right, and driving. I just hung up, and then I called them back like a day later,
and I found it, and I just, I said it.
What is it, fucking, fuck it.
What is your name?
Fuck it.
I can say it, because it's a,
can we say kids and games later?
I don't know.
Fuck it, you don't need to say it.
Yeah, I want to say it because I don't want to.
I mean, we're all in the game,
but women and children off limits, Bobby.
I think so.
Some people don't think so, but I think so.
Yeah.
I think so.
It's not like we kill civilians, we kill our own.
Yeah, it's the fucking mob,
and a lot of people don't think that this is the mob,
but it's the fucking mob.
And when they start going after children
and women are children, it's like,
you know what, you ran out of funny.
You ran out of funny.
You don't know what funny is, you ran out of it.
Yeah.
You had to go from fucking civilians
then you're just a murderer.
You're just a serial killer.
Yeah, you're a serial killer. You're not in serial killer. Yeah, you're a serial killer.
You're not in this thing of ours.
You're not in this thing of ours.
You're going after your punching women on the street,
you're sweating all over treadmills.
Ah!
You're not cleaning up after yourself?
Now, you don't know good friends, kids, first names.
Scumbag.
I listen, Vecchio, go check out Vecchio, check out his new podcast, go see him live and
number one go by his album or go listen to his album or watch his album when he comes
out.
He is by far one of the number one comics going right now.
New York City is proud to have him.
He is one of the best and he's one of the most respected guys
out there right now. Know that. And one of the nicest guys too. I love you buddy.
I love you too buddy. Thanks for having me on man. Have fun and yeah, hit me up when
you get back. I don't know if you have like a used to have those barbecues. I'll figure
out a way to get up there man if you have one. Yeah, now let you know we're going to have
one before it gets too cold back in the house when I I get back from my
New Hampshire place in September so nice
All right, buddy mush. I love you check out Mike Vswaris. He'll be with me at
Versani's on August
fourth fifth and sixth
Mr. Mr. Mike Calta and
Then of course new Nikki thanks for doing such a good job.
I'll be, I'm just for laughs, Hassanis, Azbury at the end.
Azbury Park, I'll be there on the 25th,
and then I'll be in Cincinnati at the Bruha,
fundraiser on the 27th, Lafactory Chicago with,
oh yeah, I'm gonna be on Chicago,
Lafactory Chicago, McKenry Theater, and Montchock Theater. Chicago with oh yeah, I'm gonna be on Chicago. I'm laughing at the fact we're Chicago
McKenry Theater and Montchock Theater.
I'm gonna be all these theaters
I got coming up in September.
So please check out my day to robacalive.com
and robacalive on Instagram.
You guys the best, we'll see you next week on You Not What The.
next week on You Now What The...