Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Monroe Martin | Comedy in Kenya

Episode Date: February 18, 2024

This week Bobby is joined by comedian, Monroe Martin. They talk about growing up in the foster system, filming a special in Kenya, and how having kids forces you to turn your emotions back on. FOLLOW MONROE MARTIN https://www.instagram.com/monroemartiniii/?hl=en https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0Mq8lo3QEY Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsys? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsys? My dad's been talking about Rebelsys. Rebelsys? Really?

Yeah, he says it's a pill that's That's right. Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsys is right for me. Rebelsys, ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis.

I can't wait to go home. I'll go home tonight. My kid will probably be in the bed. I'll jump in, he'll roll over and fucking give me a hug and I'll tell him, oh, how was your night? And we chat now. We chat like fucking dudes. I wake up in the morning, we watch fucking stupid YouTube channels together and then he gets up and gets ready. Yeah I mean

look it sucks. No that sounds dope. I mean it don't sound like it's suck. It sounds fun. It don't suck. It's hard. Yeah I'd say that man it's easy to be a parent it's hard to be a good one. Yeah. Because you know like today like because we have I have all my shit so when he does something disrespectful I'm you know that's six you don't fucking, who do you, that comes out. You do that though? Or you do a version of that?

I do a version of it. It ain't like I would do it to you if I had to fight you just to scare you out of it because you're a fucking big ass motherfucker. But it's a version of that. But he actually told me, he actually said, hey man, you don't need to yell like that. And I was like, what?

He's like, dad, I get it, I screwed up. I messed up, I shouldn't have said that. But you don't need to get crazy. I'm like, all right, I'm cool with that. Yo. So, yeah. That's a mature kid right there. It's a mature kid.

Are you all gonna have another one? No, no, her badge is done. Yeah. I ain't risking that shit I love my son. I ain't risking the brother that we all have to take care of Where where'd you leave your brother? I left him up He's in a we go get him Fuck

No, you should have bring it. Yeah, that shit is fun. I don't want it. Yeah, I don't want I look God bless Though that kid but I don't have to run a marathon every year Yeah, and then I'm gone then nobody pushes them You know, I mean, yeah, baby we're starting the podcast right now We're back. You know what dude live welcome everybody to the show Started the social media podcast Like these back again

We're at all started before them all Podcast is so fun and crazy and has no rules. Rob, help, you're ruining this. We're the bomb, man. I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's the podcast done.

Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Original. Original. Original. Original. Original.

Original. Original. Original. Original. Original. Original. Original. Original. What's up everybody? Welcome to You Know What Dude podcast. It's Robert Kelly, me on top of the Comedy Cellar at the Comedy Cellar podcast studios where we've been for, I don't know how long. Do me a favor, hit that subscribe button.

Just click it and hit the bell and throw in a comment. If you want to, right now you're watching this. Just hit it. And if you want to support the show go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and you can become a supporter of the show, get extra episodes. You can be live in the chat while we film these live and talk and ask questions or you know you get the episodes before everybody else. So there you go. And also, punchup.live. Robert Kelly, you wanna watch my special. I got a special for free.

If you wanna watch it, call Killbox. It's up there right now. Punchup.live. It's the new social media for comedians and musicians and it's censored free. And you can say whatever you want. And I got all my stuff up there, so check it out. We got a great guest today.

I'm very excited. I've had you on before. Monroe, Martin, everybody, give it up. What's up? How you doing, buddy? I'm good, how are you? It's been a while since I had you on. I know.

Now, because I know, have you been on since you fell off your scooter? I don't think so. I didn't fall off. The scooter broke, and I went flying. I since you fell off your scooter? I don't think so. I didn't fall off. The scooter broke and I went flying. I wish I fell off. I fell off my scooter. I wouldn't have broke my face.

I was just like skinned my knee or something. Okay, so. I fell off a lot of shit. You're the reason I haven't bought my son a scooter. Why? Just giving one does not cheap. I was being, that was the problem. I was being cheap.

Actually, it wasn't even a... So the scooter I got, I could have got a way better quality scooter. Explain scooter. So I have a... This is Vespa scooter? No, I got an e-scooter. So I got... Stand on. Yeah, stand on e-scooter.

Go to the towns and they're all around. You can rent them. Yes. Okay. But I decided to buy one. Okay. Because I was like, oh, I was in DC, had a good time riding them around and stuff. So I was like, oh, I think I can do this. And I seen a company that opened up here in New York.

So I went and I got one. You're going to name the company? No, I can't. Why? Because I just can't, Bobby. You can say why you can't? I don't know. Because your podcast is a lot bigger.

But you don't have to name the company, but you can say why you can't. Oh, because we're podcast is a lot bigger. So but you you don't know name the company But you can say why oh cuz we soon on them. Gotcha. Yeah, that's all I wanted All right, my man I want a little juice little juicy juice little juice and by the end of the episode you'll tell us the company's name I'm not stay tuned for that stick around. I'm not let me guess. No, you'll never get that see What's that see? I don't know is that? No, you'll never guess. Desi. What's Desi?

I don't know. Is that the other company? No. Funky Pop, Skateboard. It's an Asian company. Ting wow. Bing bong is the sound I made when I hit my face. Ping pong snap.

Is that the name of the company? Ping pong snap. But the scooter was, I was way too big for the scooter. That shit popped and then I just went flying. Yeah, but you're too big for most things. I know, but I can't live my life like that. But you have to. I can't. You don't know how much fun I missed out on as a kid

because it was all I heard my whole childhoods, get your big ass off of that. Get down from there. You're too big for that. Really? Yeah. Like what? Like there. You too big for that. Really? Yeah. Like what? Like anything.

Like remember like when you were young, you play on the jungle gym, but you get like, you know, the jungle gym, people building their backyard. And you walk up the slide and that shit wiggle a little bit. I'm so old that you didn't have a, there was no kid ever

that had a jungle gym in his backyard. Oh When I was a kid you had the park. Oh, no, you had everybody had the park the park Mm-hmm was where the shit was. Oh, you had a backyard You might have had a above ground pool. Mm-hmm if you were one of those but that was rich Yeah, didn't know any below ground pools. Yeah, but no there was no there was a maybe a slip and slide. Maybe one of those things you hooked up to the home and spun around and killed it slapped everybody in the head. Yeah. sprinklers were big. Sprinklers fire holes. Did y'all is Boston a fire holes? No,

that was against the law. We don't do that. Y'all do a lot of shit in Boston. That's against the law. Yeah, to make money. We're not going to break. We're gonna, we're gonna fuck with the fire department. Half a man not gonna fuck with the fire department. Half a man, my brothers were on the fire department. We don't do that shit. That's a New York thing. I'm not from New York, that's just a poor thing.

It's a hood thing. It's a hood thing, good way of saying that. Yeah, it's a hood thing. Pop that thing off and put a cup on it, right? Or put a can or some shit? Nah, you can get a can. Some people get like these little, what is that? The joint that you drain the spaghetti with?

Like you take one of those. Collander. Collander, yeah, you can get that. No, no, no, it's a, what is it called? I think it is a collander. No, it's a collander, but it's a strainer. I'm straining, that's what I'm called. I'm a strainer.

It's a strainer. Yeah. But you gotta find that's what I'm called. A strainer. It's a strainer. Yeah. But you gotta find the black captain with the key. And most people aren't black captains, they just know where to get those big ass keys from. What the fuck is a black captain? Come on now, you didn't grow up with black captains? No, cause I didn't grow up with black people.

I don't think it's a black thing. It's 100% cultural. So when, You listen to me, there was no, we didn't have block caps in Boston. What the fuck? What is that? What do you mean?

All right, so. Was that one person who had the fire? Yeah. It's usually an old man or old lady. And they're the ones that put together the black parties and all that stuff. You looking at it? In Boston?

In Philly. Not, that's a Philly thing. And in Boston, there's no, Boston doesn't do block captains. You can't trust some Irish Italian kid with a key. His fucking father will sell it. I used to live with a block captain. He was annoying.

That sounds like you molested. I used to live with a block captain. That sounds like some, something a young gay guy would say to an older gay guy. He's like, I'm your block captain. Yo, he's my block captain. He turned my hose on. Mr. Murphy's my block captain.

He has the key. He has the key. Yeah, that's weird, a block captain. So you had to find that person? You had to find that person, but usually you know who they were because they were the ones passing out the free lunch in the summertime. What yeah What are you talking about? Man, so why would we get free lunches because school's not open anymore?

Yeah, and it's called your house. No, but a lot of people can't afford food like a lot of people Yeah, man, this is a cultural thing. This is you lives in a poor neighborhood. Yeah I'm poor shit. I'm gonna tell you this I lived in like white slums like mine nobody had money. Yeah we didn't we you know we didn't have money but we didn't we didn't have any block captain or sandwiches. Yo and that's why y'all so mad because nobody was feeding y'all. That's it. Bosses, people. We got juices, we got sandwiches, and then on a good, like you may get like a PB and J, little turkey sandwich.

Wait a minute, you got drinks too? You got apple juice, orange juice, milk. Milk is the worst in the summertime. You can't drink milk out of a milk carton. Yeah, they give you milk, they give you chocolate milk in the summertime. Chocolate milk is good, but, yeah, we got a hose. No, you drink out the hose too. But we drink out the hose. We didn't get any dude. I don't

remember any of that shit. We didn't get anything like that. Never. Wow. So listen, you grew up, you grew up in Philly, Philly. Yeah. And poor neighborhood, poor neighborhoods because I grew up in foster care. So you're just bouncing around. Can I ask you about that? Because you're in foster care. I think we've thought about it one time. No, we thought about a lot of things. We thought about me wearing my merch.

But the foster care we connected on. No, but didn't we? No, we thought about a foster care thing. Because I said something to you like, that's not true. What are you talking about? No, cause you went through it too. Then you weren't you like group homes and all that? Yeah, no, that's why I want to talk to you about it.

We, like I was a foster, I was a foster homes because you couldn't go directly home from Juvie jail. So you got arrested, you went to court, you went to intake, you went to a place and then they found whatever jail jail you're gonna court, you went to intake, you went to a place, and then they found whatever jail jail you're gonna go to for three to six months, then you'd go there. Hopefully there'd be a bed crunch, and you get released early.

With a bed crunch, like no place to stay. They need the bed. Okay. And this kid's crime was worse than your crime, so the least crime is gonna get let out. Okay. Or who's been there, who has maybe a month left, right? Okay, and then you but you'd go to foster home. Mm-hmm. You know a lot of times you go to a foster home and the foster home then from there They'd transition you back to my my home. Yeah, my mom. Mm-hmm, but you

Didn't have a mom. No, so I had a mom my mom's still alive me and my mom a cool My mom didn't raise me my My mom had a drug problem. My dad was in and out of jail. And my grandmother, I have a young grandma. My grandma was like still active and stuff. Like, you know? So my grandmother thought it was a good idea to be like, well until my daughter gets her life together,

I'm gonna just put the kids in foster care. And we went in at like six, seven, and I didn't get out until like 21 Why didn't your grandmother just take care of you cuz she young don't got time for that shit. I Mean that's that's her talking or you that's me talking But I think based on the little bits and pieces that I put together from her always yelling and shit when I would like Go visit. I think it was that. I think it was just, she thought it would be

a short amount of time and that my mom would get her life together or we would get placed in a better home and that never happened. Did that kill you? What you mean? I'm saying did that fuck you up? Like did that hurt? I'm sure I fucked up from it.

No, back then did it make you go, what the fuck, my, my grandmother doesn't want me? Nah, too young to even cope with it. So here's the, here's the thing. My, when I, I think I went into foster care at like six, seven. Yeah. But my mom didn't have like a stable place to live.

She was on the run from my dad cause he was abusive and stuff like that. So we would be, we would like sleep over over random friends houses and stuff like that thing. She was like, oh, this is your cousin. And then we like sleeping in the bed with them like head to foot or sleeping in the floor and stuff. So I was used to that constant moving. I was used to getting up, going to school, coming home and then going to somebody else because I was sleeping. You were used to not having a home. Yeah.

So when I got in the foster care, it was just like business as usual. But I just wasn't around my mom. But have you ever, like you say, yeah. Yeah. You say it like that. Yeah. But that breaks my heart when I hear that.

But it doesn't mean. I mean, look, at a time it broke my heart. But now I'm grown one way then Yeah, I think I think 16 was like the last time where I was like oh this isn't gonna I'm the the happy ending of foster care because that's what's supposed to happen like when I hit 16 at good behavior My mom she I got her life together a little bit. She had got remarried and she got a house and my two sisters went to live with her and then I was the last one to make their decision.

Right? Are they younger than you? Yeah, they're younger than me. Okay, so were you guys separated? We never lived together until... So even your sisters, they took your siblings away. So you were alone. Now that house they put you in,

were you there one place for the whole time? No, I bounced around a lot. I was in like, all together, I think I was in like 14 places and that's including group homes, foster homes and kinship care, which is just foster care, but with a family member. Is that like a block bouncer?

What's his name? What do you mean? What's that this? Like, what's the last thing again? What was he last thing again? It's kinship care. Kinship care? Kinship, because you know, if somebody's related to you,

they're akin to you. So they call it kinship care. Was it somebody you related to? Yeah, and they're the worst, because when they know you got money, so when you're in foster care, they get a stipend for the government, from the government to cover the costs of you,

like buying your food and your clothes. But a lot of people don't use that money to buy the clothes and shit like that. They use it for themselves and then go, I'm gonna use my government assistance or whatever and I'm gonna try to stretch what I already have and then keep this money for myself. And I feel like family was the worst when it came to that. to stretch what I already have and keep this money for myself.

And I feel like family was the worst when it came to that. Because that's all they wanted. They would be like, ooh, you get to stay with me. And then when they found out the money ain't money in the way they wanted, they were like, you got to go. I had to drop me off. She told me I was going to come home for the summer and she would pick me back up because she wanted me to spend time

with my Philly folk and shit. And then she dropped me off for the summer and never picked me back up. And then I went back into the false-secure system. Did that crush you? Nah, cause I hated him. But that didn't hurt your feelings. Everything hurt your feelings, but you gotta be tough.

You gotta get over it, you know what I mean? You don't have to be tough right now. You're not gonna, what are you trying to make me cry? Trying to get some black tears for February? You don't even know. Do you know how much those will work? Black tears on February, that's a lot. That's a lot.

Yo, we can go viral if I cry. Dude, if you cry right now? Yo, let's go. Alright. Yo, man, did that hurt? Listen, did that hurt your feelings? Yeah, you know, because it's just a feeling of not being one at Nile.

You're not going to get me to cry. But yeah, it should hurt your feelings. But when you're in foster care and you're surrounded by other kids that are going through the same thing, you kind of just learn to be like, all right, this is just how some people live. And I was with, like even in foster care, I would be with people who had their biological kids, but even their biological kids came from like a broken home, like their dad isn't

around, the mom has to do all the work and all that shit. So to me, it just felt like the norm. It was like, oh, everybody got problems. Yeah, I mean, I remember being in it, I remember the money was a factor. The food they gave you was very, you know, generic and cheap as shit they could give you, you know? And you didn't get much of it.

I remember that. I remember there was no seconds. It dependsended on what group home I was in. Some group homes, they let you go in. No, I foster home. It was over. And they had their kids, there was a couple that had their kids and their kids could do no wrong. Yeah.

And I was, you know. And then there was one where there was another foster kid but he was kind of a dick. Yeah. And I remember he had Playboy Channel? We were in bunk beds. How'd he get the Playboy Channel? Paid for it.

This little, when I showed up, this guy was like a regular, like he was like a regular white kid. Yeah. Like, he seemed like a rich white kid. Okay. And, um, I don't know why he was there. I don't know what the hell he did. I was there because of crime, and I was transitioning out why he was there. I don't know what the hell he did. I was there because of crime and I was transitioning out of jails.

So I had to go here for long term because I couldn't go back to my mom's house. And I remember it was in this little tiny house. It was a little blue house behind houses. They go, so you go into the driveway and then there was another little tiny house in the back. And I remember going there and it was this big redheaded, fucking strong Boston guy and this chubby little,

fucking angry short-haired Boston woman. And they had this little daughter and this kid. But he was like, he seemed like a snobby rich kid. He played hockey and he was like there for a while and he got his, he was like one of the best foster kids, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I remember he had- he worked and he got Playboy. Channel. How old was he?

He had his own cable and he got Playboy. He was my age. How old were you? Maybe a little- maybe a year older than me or something. 15? Oh wow. Something like that, 14, 15? He's smart though.

Huh? He's smart. He was 14. I was 14. Yeah, he was smart though. Huh? He's smart. I was 14. Yeah, he was smart, but he was kind of a twat. You know what I mean? Like, you know, Lenny Marcus being your foster roommate.

It's my cable. Don't touch my lights, you know what I mean? I love many, but I want to live in a bunk bed with that asshole. And I remember he caught me watching a stupid thing. What was he watching? Playboy, I don don't know some stupid lady chatter Lee shit cuz playboys never that you think it's not that It's not it's not like I should and I was trying to jerk off to it and he's like were you using my fucking? But I remember I remember not none of this shit hit me dude until recently

Yeah, none of this stuff. You know when it hit me when I had a kid. Yeah, is when I was like I couldn't imagine my son Being in a foster home. Yeah, I couldn't imagine Dropping him off and walking away. I couldn't imagine my kid my my son Going to bed at night, hungry, and not knowing where he was going to be the next day at that age and having to just deal with it. And I couldn't imagine it. You know, that's when it hit me that I went through traumatic shit. It's like I went through war. That's war hit me that I went through traumatic shit.

It's like I went through war. That's war, dude. You went through war. I went through war and I made at 16, I don't know what it was. I was just like, I'm not going to be a victim of the system or my situation. I'm going to be a product of it. Because I was around people who already did, was just complaining about like how fucked up their life was and all that stuff.

And they just kept getting in trouble and stuff like that. And I see myself going down that route, but something in me was just like, nah dog, like you can't do that. You have a kid, right? I don't have no kid. I just got a wife and- You got a wife.

But we're trying to have a kid. We should have a kid, right? I don't have no kid. I just got a wife and- You got a wife. We're trying to have a kid. We should have a kid by like 2024, in the end of 2024 or 2025 or some shit. When you have that kid, man, she gonna fucking, it's gonna fuck you up. But even when I had my niece, I said my niece, but even when, so my sister lives with me when I got my own place,

and when my niece was born, they lived with me, and that's when I was like, damn, you know, like nobody in my family could have did this for us. Nobody, you know. Wait till you have your kid and you're bringing your kid to school and you're going to his thing, his little thing and then you're going to his baseball or basketball and then when he comes home and he runs up and he's like dad and he's showing you his little test and blah blah Dude, it's gonna fuck you up. I know it's all gonna tumble back bro. Does it make you stronger at least it makes me stronger

but It's like You know like I look at these comics You know Like I feel like I have two lives that I'm living. I'm living a life trying to become successful, trying to stay relevant in the business. You know what I mean?

We always gotta keep trying, grabbing that next rung and not look around you. And then I have this other life that I'm living where I'm trying to repair all the bullshit that happened to me. Yeah. Because I have... You know, I snap. Yeah.

Because it's a, you know, as soon as somebody's fucking not respecting me, as soon as something's happening, I'm like, fucking... I turn into that... They're red. I turn into that dude, you ain't fucking, you ain't getting me, bitch. Yeah. You ain't getting me. You know, because that's back in the day... You ain't fucking, you ain't getting me, bitch. You ain't getting me.

You know, because that's back in the day at a young age, people were getting us. People were fucking with us. And I cut that empathy off. I cut that human existence. When I got the kid and attached that shit back into me and it's like, oh God. You're like, shit, I don't want this piece back.

Dude, my kid's 10. I was in- And you got a nice kid, I'm not your kid. Yeah, he's a great kid. And I look at that and I'm like, dude, when I was his age, I started drinking. I was smoking. You was drinking and smoking at 10?

Yeah. Damn. You know? No, I wasn't. But yeah, do you drink at all? Because you seem like a... I'm not straight edge, but I definitely... I don't like drinking.

I rather smoke. I've drank before, but I drink more so of like... If my wife is having drinks and usually she'll do this thing where she'll be like, I don't want it no more and then I'll just down it because I don't like wasting. Yeah. But I don't like drinking because it should just make you sweat and fucking... You just down it, because I don't like wasting. Yeah. But I don't like drinking, because it should just make you sweat, and fucking, you just feel gross. And you married a white girl from LA, that's weird.

I didn't marry a white girl from LA, I'm like, your wife is Colombian from Queens. I'm kidding. You really, you took a fix to that. Oh yeah. You got angry, you're like, well, I am married. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

You married Giselda. Giselda, what's her name? Giselda Blanco. Did she know about her? No. Oh, she does? She don't want to watch the show cause a lot of people in our neighborhood and stuff,

like they went through that shit. You know what I mean? Like a lot of them fled Columbia and came to America because of that stuff. So for her, she's not like one of those people just like, yo, I'm gonna watch it because I like watching all this like drug lord shit. She's like, no, I'm not gonna watch it because I know people who were affected by these things. Because we're watching all the stuff that's happening now with the Mexicans and the immigrants and coming in. Dude, we went through this all the time.

We go through this all the time. And don't worry, I feel like saying, hey, don't worry about it. In 25 years, someone's gonna make a documentary on whatever Netflix is then. It was like, I remember those days in New York, you know what I mean? And that person's, whatever a murderer right now

is gonna have a book in 1520 years Who's gonna be the big murderer though? What do you mean? York cuz there's been a lot of murder there's been a lot of weird shit happening in New York You remember the dude they got his head cut off boss assistant in like uh, I think it was like where What we're gas digital studio is there's like a couple years ago a guy he had an assistant and He had like one of those apartments where the elevator comes straight to your crib and his assistant came in, cut his head off. Yeah, but that's a crazy person. That's not a...

I mean, New York is full of crazy people. Well, New York right now, they caught that kid who shot somebody, there was a couple of kids kicking, beating up cops. I can't watch that shit. You can't, you can't, look at me, we need the cops. We do, I was planning on making money, so I need somebody to call. You can't call the Black Panthers,

the fucking nation of Islam. Yeah, you can't call, what was that? Other one, the white one with the satin jackets? The angel. The guardian angels. The guardian angels, they're gone. They're not gone. They were here for a while. They're not gone. They were here for a while.

They're not gone, just kung fu doesn't work anymore. Yeah. They were like, hey, hey, hey. They used to be in the park. Whoop, with their satin jackets and their berets and people's sk- That's back when a beret scared people? No. Or just being black was scary enough.

Oh, black was scary back then. Yeah. Back in the day. There they are. They're still around. They're just old as shit. There's some young ones, but here's the problem with the garden ain't no one's ever in shape. Yeah. None of them look cool. Now, you if you look like if you look at like, like the black Panthers, they were shredded. Yeah, they look like goddamn Barbershop Quartet and fucking Chuba. I mean, look, I love, but could you imagine them

and the Warriors, they get the shit kicked out of them right at first, the first fight. And their jackets aren't even sat in no more. Not anymore, cause it's expensive and silly. They're like, yo, dawg, we gotta cut back. We gonna start using. Yeah, that's what Roller Skating was in when sat in jail. Look at the Black Panther, he's badass.

I mean, dude, come on, son. Dude. They had three-quarter leather jackets. In any weather. Any weather. Any weather. And they wore a beret. Yeah, because they were in LA too.

In LA, you don't really need a jacket. They don't need a sweater. They didn't give a shit. They were hot. What a great logo, too. And imagine just picking out your afro before you go protestin' shit. Because imagine just picking out your afro before you go protesting shit. That's a perfectly picked afro.

Cause if I pick my hair out and that lean back, that shit is just like this. So you gotta be like, I'll be there for the revolution. Hang on. Hang on. It's New York is crazy right now, man. Philly's nuts too, man. Philly's nuts too, man. Philly's.

Nah, I'm not going back. You ain't going back? Yeah. Well, you live, is that more dangerous now? Yeah, I drove, I made my lady drive through it, cause she was that way over here from, and so I drove around 30 second to Norris, and I was like, this is where I grew up,

and she was like, it's just a bunch of condemned houses. I was like, yeah. Wow. Yeah up. And she was like, it's just a bunch of condemned houses. I was like, yeah. Wow. Near Fountmont Park, you know what I'm saying? Where you used to come to get? Do you know Philly? I know, not really. I know the places that are fun.

Fishtown, of course. Well, the water, I know where all the touristy shit is, the market. So if you go to the zoo You know where Philadelphia zoo is no, I didn't know I had a zoo Yeah, you think we like we mean, you know, every city has a zoo. I didn't know that I Don't think Alabama has a zoo I don't think so you think Montana doesn't have a zoo

Google this I mean they probably do but it's not a good zoo. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But you think of San Diego Zoo. Yeah, what do you think they zoo guys? Their zoo's the best. Is it?

What makes a zoo the best zoo? Polar bears, elephants, tigers. Everybody got those. Every zoo got those. If you don't have those, you're not considered. Rhinoceros. What's the best zoo? Birmingham Zoo?

Where's that? Birmingham Zoo. Alabama Zoo. It's not good. Look at it. My backyard's bigger than that fucking place. We got two elephants. We got one lazy tiger.

They gave us so we're not getting no babies. We got a lazy tiger. Yeah, they're doing weddings there. That shit sucks. They got flamingos. Fuck you to flamingo. Type in the top zoos. I think it's San Diego. The Bronx Zoo. The Bronx Zoo is going to be one number one or two. Bronx is no joke. The Bronx is a zoo. The Bronx. I can't say that. Why not? Because it's white people living in the Bronx. They're part of the problem. That was the

joke. Oh, by not laughing, you made it racist. Yes. When you don't laugh at a racist joke, it's just racist. You needed Edith to go, oh, chi. Oh, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Thanks, buddy. Yeah. All right. What do we got? What's the number one?

We're going through. There's like an Alaska one that looks like it's good. The top 10. I didn't ask. Yeah, you got a list of first motherfucker. What's the number one? We're going through. There's like an Alaska one that looks like it's good. What's the top 10? I didn't ask you to go through. Yeah, you got a list of firsts. Motherfucker, he's the worst. The top 10 in giggles, too. I think it's that Oakland Zoo.

I think that was the first. Fuck it, Oakland Zoo? Oakland Zoo? No, it's not. Probably pop. No, not poppin' with guns. Yeah, they all laced. They killed all the tigers and made jackets out of them.

They just all skinny and emaciated shimmery. Yeah, dude, there's no way. Top 10. What do we got? Cincinnati Zoo. Hit the click the button, stupid. That doesn't tell us any... He's the worst. Top 10 zoo. Don't giggle. Please just give me the top 10. I used to work at Philadelphia Zoo and that should stay busy. Give me the top 10. The top 10 you fucking piece of shit.

Top 10 in 2023 at least. Nah, forget it, he can't, he's dumb. He's the dumbest person, what is it? Alaska, damn it. You can't fuck Alaska. Bronx Zoo, number four. Yeah. Melbourne, Florida.

And they didn't even get off the train. Bronx Zoo, Brooklyn Field Zoo, Chicago. Philly ain't even on this. What are you talking about, Philly is 16., Philly ain't even on this. What are you talking about? Philly is 16. Dude, 16 ain't the top 10. I know, but New York ain't even in the top 10, and Philly is above New York.

Bronx is four. Yeah, but Bronx is separate. You got two-minute zoos. Nah, dude. You got the Bronx Zoo, then you got Central Park. No, stop, stop. Bronx Zoo is done. Central Park is just an amusement thing. The Bronx Zoo is the zoo of New York. Is it dude?

It's the Bronx fucking zoo man. They they it's the number one I never went to the Diego Zoo number one, right? Yeah, yeah, and San Diego zoo is no joke, dude Okay, so because of the weather, you know the Bronx who you know half this shit gets cold in the winter and they got a fucking tuck it away. Or they put North Faces on them. The jacket. I got it. You didn't laugh in mine. I was gonna laugh at yours. Well even now. So we can start fresh. How long you been married man? I've been married five years. Really? Yeah. How's it going with? It's going good. But you know that childhood trauma do come up. It comes up.

Yeah, hell yeah. And the relationship, right? Mm-hmm. Because my wife comes from a completely different background. She got two parents, they love each other, and they spent time with her and their kids and stuff like that. And that's complete opposite of my upbringing. So even my bad, no homo.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. It's complete opposite of my upbringing. Even my bad, no homo. Like even my mom, my wife sees my family's relationships and she's like, yo, how can a mom talk to their daughter like that? So like we grew up in this fucking- So you have friends with your mom now? Yeah. Okay, is she all right? My mom's cool.

What do you mean, like is she all right? She's clean, she's got a mom's cool. What do you mean? Like is she all right? She's clean She got her own apartment. We just don't have that mother-son relationship because it was you never had it Yeah, yeah, and it's weird because I I was a mama's boy, but then looking back I was like that's dumb It was dumb for me to mama be a mama's boy because I would only see my mom like Three days out of a month. So then the rest of the time I'm just sitting alone. Yeah.

Because you wanted your mom. Yeah. That's why you were mama's. And then at 16, I was like, I'll never have her. She'll never be my mom in the way that I desire. And I was just like, yeah. Yeah. I said that. Oh, I've said this a bunch of times.

Me and my mom used to fight all the time until one day she just whispered in the phone, she goes, Bobby, when do you realize I'm never gonna change? And I was like, oh shit. I was like, I'm out. You're right, I gotta go change. You're right, so we got along ever since.

You know what I mean? And that's the best, cause then it's like, I don't, you know, for a while I was faking the funk, I'll get Mother's Day cards and all these celebrations, but I'm like, those are for you. That's not really for me, right? Because if you do something for your mom on Mother's Day, it's to be like, you know, this is how I express my love, but I was just more so doing it because I'm like, it's Mother's Day, I don't want you to feel left out or feel bad. So I was doing all these things to kind of make sure she

didn't feel like she was missing out on a mother experience. Yeah. So you, you're bringing your childhood into this relationship with your wife? Yeah. Well, no, because, you know, my wife was cool. So you hit her now. She was okay with that. You know, elbow dropper and shit. You can't hit a Colombian chick. I mean, you can put them in a soup pack. They'll cut your stinker off.

They'll grab your stinker in the middle of the night and just snip it off. You'll wake up being on a key chain. I'm like, man, where my shit? No, it's funny because, yeah, this, now you're married, so now you see how a relationship should work. And you realize, oh, I got this stuff. Money, money was tough for me at the beginning with my wife, because I was like, money was so, I was so desperate, I never had it. So when I started to get it and then I had to share it with this, what the fuck? I got crazy. And you know, when we had the kid, I remember

my therapist told me, he was like, you don't get a dad. You are the dad. You don't get parents, dude. You were fucked up. You were out there. You're the parent. Go be the parent. Go do it. And that helped me out a lot. Yeah, because I was always struggling to get the thing I never had. I was always trying to get that. And you'll never get it. You can't. We missed out. We missed out.

But also, I know it's going to sound corny, but everything you need, you already have. And it's just more of an acceptance. You know? Yep. Like I didn't have a mom, but I definitely had people in my life who cared at me at very important times when I needed it. That's what I said.

You know what I mean? And that's, you know? When you needed it, I had the same thing. I always tell people I had 10 dads. I go through all these. I mean, but if you tell, that kind of sounds weird. Either your mom's not a loose. No, yeah, they're just banging my mom and leaving.

I'm sorry, mom. She listens. No, but I had, you know, there's my my my, you know, biological dad. I had the fucking evil stepfather piece of shit. Then I had the really great stepdad that stepped in there. I had my five uncles. I had my sponsor, Dick Marcott, who was there. I had Ken Lazarus, my Jewish foster father from 16 to 18, 19, something like that, who stepped in. I had all these dads that were stepped in at these points when I needed them.

And then when I had the kid, I had to go be that dad. So I realized as I'm growing with this kid 10 years now, I took stuff from all those guys. My uncle Tommy, who's smart, you know what I mean? Funny, he was so funny. My uncle David, who's smart, you know what I mean? Funny. He was so funny. My uncle David, who's tough, you know, could fight and, you know, kind of man up a little bit and, you know, taught me how to make a bow and arrow. My uncle Jimmy, who taught me how to show up for work and work hard. My uncle Sean, who told me how to be social and cool and fun.

You know, my uncle Michael was cool with the women and, you know, I took all these little things from them to add to me. And then Ken Laz taught me how to be emotional. And he was the first guy to hug me and tell me he loves me. And I was like, what are you, gay? You know that? He was like, oh, look at all of me. Dude, emotions for me, man.

I remember when I cut my emotions off, I was 13. And I got the shit kicked out of me by these guys. Three, it was like four men beat the shit out of me and my friend Frankie at like midnight in the projects and some of them were trying to get weed. And we bought it from them and then they followed us up there and they were like, yo, give us some weed. And we said, no, they kicked the fuck out of us.

I'm like, I just bought it from you. Yeah. And I remember when we were walking away and blood had to toll Frankie's bleeding internally, his bought it from you. Yeah. And I remember when we were walking away, I'm blood-hate to tell Frank, he's bleeding internally, his kidney or some shit. Damn. But I was like, man, I was so happy. Why?

Because I didn't cry. Man. Isn't that fucked up though? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's like a part of being a man, like getting hurt and not letting it out,

not letting the world see it. It's not yeah it's part of being a man is being able to feel that emotion and let it out see but I didn't grow up that way cuz I didn't either yeah that's why it was such a badge of honor to me I remember saying Frankie I didn't cry he's like what I'm like I didn't cry to the blood head to toe I didn't cry. He's like, what? I'm like, I didn't cry, dude. I'm blood head to toe. I didn't cry. He's a good for you, kid. Like, he was like proud of me. Like, yeah, you can take an ass whooping.

I can take an ass whooping. It was my first ass whooping I took without fucking crying like a baby. And it was an ass whooping. And I was so proud of myself. And it took me, I'm still undoing that. I'm still undoing that shit. You know? So, it sucks. I'm still undoing that. I'm still undoing that shit. So it sucks. That sucks that we chopped that part of us.

Did you ever have that thing where you killed that in your side yourself? Yeah, man. Countless times and the thing is, like being married, you have to dig that part up again. Cause I would see that. I would be like, my wife would do something or she'd be happy about something.

And then I just be like, all right, cool. And she'd be like, you're not, you know, like, you know, you don't seem excited. And I'm like, I don't get that emotion. I only got like anger and jokes. Yeah, I got first gear, what's up? And then six, I'll murder you fucking you dead. That's it. Yeah. So I had to learn how to operate that middle gear

But I went through something similar where I got jumped by my two foster dads what they beat that shit out of me Because they were being assholes They're being assholes and I always talk back I didn't care how big you were because I in group homes You know this in group homes staff are allowed to put their hands on you in certain ways, like they can restrain you and stuff. So when you when you grow up tussling with adults and like slipping out the chicken wing. You use the word tussle. Tussle. One of my favorite words. And I haven't used it in nine years. I haven't I'm so glad you brought Tussle.

Because that's what it was. I did a lot of Tussle. I love a nice Tussle. Yeah, just a lot of fucking just moving. You're going. A Tussle's not a fight. And so you're just moving your bodies around, and just like two bears just pushing each other.

Yeah. And I had to do that. Tussling. So I wasn't afraid of men. Yeah. And at a very young age, I wasn't afraid of authority, and I would always talk back and say things like,

man, get the fuck out of here. Like, you know Mike Recky Owens joke where he talks about, like, ah, step. I was that kid once upon a time where I'm talking to grown men. I'm saying, I'm threatening grown ass men as if they can't hurt me. And some people retaliate it. You two uncles beat the shit out of you.

Wow, how'd that feel? Yeah, I mean, I didn't cry. What's up? That's it, that's it. They beat my ass, but I did not cry. God damn it, dude. Here's a problem with when you, I'm gonna tell you this, when you open up those floodgates,

which I have, I'm fucked. Which you mean crying? I do, I cry at everything. Man. Dude, I cry. I be trying to. I cry, dude, when you have the kid. When the kid comes, and my kid don't have emotions,

like he has emotions like his mom. She don't, you know what I mean? Like we're at the movies, at this stupid movie, this cartoon, and the mom gets cancer in the front. And then she goes in the beginning. I'm like, fucking, I'm like, what is the mom? And the and my son's like, dad, you got to stop. And he's literally covering my eyes. She's like, you can't watch this part. You can't. I'm like,

Max, the mom's gotta go and he I'm like, and he's like, my eye, dad, relax. He's he's he's that makes me want a kid that you're the but yeah, that makes me want a kid. Oh my God, I have somebody. That's cool. Oh, dude. Yeah, because most people make being a father seem like it's just like this Just thing you just you just can't sleep. You're always in this mode of protect and teaching and shit But you're like, no, it seems fun crying in a movie and your son's like stop

Crying in my amber He I mean every time there's a now hamming him and my wife every time there's a now him and him and my wife, every time there's a part of a show or a movie where it's that thing, they both like, look at me. Yeah, I can feel him looking at me like, come on, bitch. Come on, bitch. Come on. Where's those tears coming out? You know you want to cry. You don't know my childhood. Yeah, I would love to cry. Dude, you will. I'm telling you.

Can't wait. You will. When you have that kid and that kid's... I feel like this interaction makes me feel like I'm gonna have a kid by next year. I'm telling you, people think it's the best thing I ever did. But like I said, I live two lives. That part of me that was like, I got to make it. I got to be the next motherfucker. I got to play this and I got to do that.

And I'm going to be, I'm the shit. That's gone. It's gone. It's different now. What's the difference? The difference now is, I have to put a lot of time over here into this. Before all my time was over here on this shit. This stuff right here, I got to go, I'll be I'll be back, I got to leave, I would leave for weeks and months. I'll be and my wife was like, okay, I just went. Now it's like, I want to go home. Yeah, I can't wait to go home. I'll go home tonight. My kid will probably be in the

bed. I'll jump in. He My kid will probably be in the bed. I'll jump in. He'll roll over and fucking give me a hug and I'll tell him, how was your night? And we chat now. We chat like fucking dudes. I wake up in the morning. We watch fucking stupid YouTube channels together and then he gets up and gets ready. Yeah. I mean, look, it sucks. That sounds dope. I mean, it don't sound like it sucks. It sounds fun. It don't suck. It's hard. Yeah. I say that. It's easy to be a parent. It's hard to be a good one. Yeah. Because, that sounds dope. I mean, it don't sound like it sucks. It sounds fun. It don't suck. It's hard. I'd say that it's easy to be a parent. It's hard to be a good one.

Because, you know, like today, like, because I have all my shit. So when he does something disrespectful, I'm, you know, that's six, you don't fucking, who do you, that comes out. You do that though? Or you do a version of that?

I do a version of it. It ain't like I would do it to you if I had to fight you just to scare you out of it because you're a fucking big ass motherfucker. But it's a version of it. It ain't like I would do it to you if I had to fight you just to scare you out of it because you're a fucking big ass motherfucker. But it's a version of that. But he actually told me, he actually said, hey man, you don't need to yell like that.

And I was like, what? He's like, dad, I get it. I screwed up. I messed up. I shouldn't have said that, but you don't need to get crazy. I'm like, all right, I'm cool with that. Yo.

So, yeah. That's a mature kid right there. It's a mature kid. Are you ever gonna have another one? No, no, her badge is done. Yeah. I ain't risking that shit. I love my son.

I ain't risking the brother that we all have to take care of. You know what I mean? Where'd you leave your brother? I left him up, he's in a, go get him. that we all have to take care of. You know what I mean? Where'd you leave your brother? I left him, he's in a whip, go get him. Fuck. Is this a bit?

No. You should have. Yeah, this shit is funny. I don't want to, yeah, I don't want, look, God bless that kid, but I don't want to have to run a marathon every year. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Yeah, and then I'm gone, then nobody pushes him. You know what I mean? Write that down and send it to me. That's funny. Yeah, well listen, you got some interesting shit going on. Let's go through it. Dude, this is nuts to me.

You showed a special in Kenya. Well, yeah, it wasn't supposed to. So I went to Kenya and then they were like, yo, I went to Kenya to- Why? Because, man, I just like doing comedy and doing the road, right? And my agents always send me- that's the road. That's not the road. Yo, it's better than going in some fucking sticks in America that I'm always going to. That's the motherland. Yo, I loved it. Okay, so tell me, because I've

never been I think of Kenya. I think of coming to America, like Wakanda. I think of a lot of colorful shit. Maybe a guy with a tiger on his shoulder and a diamond in its mouth. Yo, you know, I'm saying so I don't think stand up comedy. I just, I'm not even. I felt the same thing. I was nervous. So when he asked, so what happened was usually what I do.

You have to fly a plane that way you could see the engine work things and it was smoking the whole. Yeah. What, calm to air? No, I'm telling you. It was that it wasn't Emirates. What's the Qatar? Oh really? Yeah, okay? So tell me school me so on So when you think Africa, I think every when you think Africa we think fucking war turn war torn Third war everybody's super poor, but there's countries within Africa that are

super poor, but there's countries within Africa that are flourishing. Right. Kenya is one of those countries because where is it on the map? Bring that is East Africa for my mistaken. Okay, bring it up. So it's so I can it's the Boston of Africa. With less white people. But there's still a lot of white people over there. Is there white? Oh my god, yo, why do you say it like you hate because I Because I didn't expect that shit. Show me on the map, dumb dumb.

It's easy, I believe you. Don't just bring up the map and bring that up. I don't have to go through your finding it, please. Oh, is it left? It's right here. All right, bring it up so I can see just it. Joe, can you help him, please? I just want to see the map because I can't see it.

I'm old. Wow, OK, so it's over on the. So it's kind of middle down. Yeah, so they get. So what I was learning is they get a lot of people from like Somalia and stuff that will migrate over. Can you get rid of all the shit on the left and just bring up the map of Kenya? Is that possible, Max? I don't think so. I mean it should be because I've done it. Joe, can you please help this maniac, this guy who's been

doing my show for a year, bring up just the map of Kenya so I don't have to go through his torturous fucking mouse shit. He's like, this one, this one, this one. I mean, Max, he looks like he should, it looks like he could literally make a woman in his house with a bra and a computer. Yeah, and then he can't even fucking use Google. He's sabotaged, he's been trying to sabotage this show. Yeah, you think he's trying to take it over?

No, he wants it gone. He wants me to hit him and then he'll sue me That's a smart plan, but alright, so you're it. Thank you So I was in it's small Okay, so grainy 75 inch TV and we're looking at and it's grainy and it's grainy hang on one second Max Look into the camera. Can you see me? Yeah, I? Hate you Okay Max, look into the camera. Can you see me? Yeah. I hate you. Okay. Can you? That don't even look like it's the Somali. It looks like it's the Salmonella. That's how blurry it is. Yeah, it's Yemen looks like yummy.

Yeah. South Sudan. What was it? South Sudan? Sudan. And then you got Tanzania. Tanzania Tanzania So do the Zambia So Kenya's right there dudes Samalia is no joke. So Molly ain't no joke. So they got security everywhere I back up back. I want you to back up. All right. Now that we had to go through that fucking map debacle

I just wanted to know where it was So who invites you to Canada? So there was a guy named Eric. I posted on Instagram, I'm like, yo, putting some road dates together, where should I come? And then he was like, yo, come to Kenya. And I'm like, what? And I just liked the message.

And I was like, sure, like, you know, just entertaining shit. And then he slid in my DMs. He was like, yo, I'm serious. Like, we would love to have you. We do this thing, I'm putting together this show called Distant Relatives, where I bring black comedians from across the world to Kenya, so he had like comics from South Africa. Well, I was the only American comic,

but he had them from like other parts of Africa and stuff like that. And he sent me a deck and all these things and like we talked on the phone and I was like, all right, I'll do it, but I'm still scared. Cause I'm Googling it and I'm like, what the fuck does Kenya look like? And so he books the tickets, he puts us up,

we fly over there and from the moment we land, it's nothing that I expected. Like I expected dirt roads, fucking people, no shoes on and shit, like, ah, Lee, boom, you like all that shit. You had a Muhammad Ali moment. Yeah, I thought it was gonna be this desolate, war-torn place, nah.

People drive nice cars, we went out to nice restaurants. We went to a boat pit. Was there that, was there that dirt road shit? No, cause China came through and fucking, yeah, China invested in Africa, right? China owns Africa. I mean, I said it on stage and it was like, brrr, like everybody got mad.

Cause yeah. I mean, I don't know. I thought, I mean, China, you know, China, they working their way. They figuring out. China's dumb, I'm telling you man. It's a rap and people don't know. I mean, but it know China they working their way. China's dumb Italian man. It's a wrap and people don't know. I mean, but it's not what America do.

So, we did do that. And then we got called fucking colonists. And then China's doing that shit now. China don't give a fuck. They don't give a shit. No, and nobody fucks with China because it's racist. And there's a lot of them and you can't tell who you mad at. They're like you're like, you.

Oh, you talking about China? Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. We did a double racist. So they got nice houses, they got nice roads, beautiful homes. And the people?

And the people were nice too. Are they just the sweetest people in the world or I mean They're dangerous places like yeah, I think every place has dangerous. Yeah, yeah There's definitely neighborhoods where we were going through and he was like roll that window up Oh, we're being a car and like, you know, I'm you don't know me problem very like I'm like head out the window He's like roll it up. You like they will snatch your phone out the car. Really? Yeah.

If they see you on your phone and shit, somebody just go like that. I've seen videos of that. And the traffic, and the guy just walking, and they're looking, and they try to reach it, and you just don't have your phone. And then they're gone. Yeah, they fucking, phew, phew, phew, phew, phew.

Were there markets and stuff like that? Yeah, we went to, you mean like openair markets where they're selling shit on the floor? Sure. Yeah, but we got tees for going there. Because we, like, you know, we with the locals, we were like, yo, we would love to see the marketers like, yo, we shop at malls. We don't do this no more.

And he's right, because the shit, like, there's a D to stores, there's, you can go to a mall and get nice shit, and then I'm like, let me buy some of this shit off a blanket Let me go get some shit trinkets this guy's like yo you guys won't get Rolexes and a dogs Or you want to get a monkey head necklace? I'm like monkey head necklace, please Yo, let me get a hippopotamus ash tray for my mom that I really talked to her But whatever and let me get a monkey headoponymous ass straight from my mom that I really talked to her, but whatever. And let me get a monkey head necklace. Let me get two of those. And let me get, uh, what is that? Alligator belt? Let me get that.

Absolutely. Really? Yo. I'd be the same way. Dude. I- Fuck Adidas. Fuck it. I'd rather get a monkey- a monkey head belt.

I wish they had monkey head belts though. They didn't have monkey head belts. They had like shit that you would find here. Like what? Like just little clay figurines that somebody, they didn't even handmade. They're like mass produced because they don't have like made in China on the bottom. And they're haggling with you.

Is it made in China? It'll say made in China. It'll be like an ashtray, but it'll be like painted African colors and shit like that. China stuff. Right, and then it'll be like made in China. China, man, I'm telling you. I mean, all right, forget that. China's right and then it was like made in China. China man I'm telling you

I mean all right forget China. But I said that my first night there I was like oh I'm happy to be in Africa or this before after the Chinese get to it formally known as Africa and they're boo they got mad and shit because what did you get scared? I don't know. Why? I don't know. I like that shit. Yeah, you like that shit. Why? Yeah, I don't know that combattiveness on stage.

In Africa? Anywhere. Somebody could just throw a tiger in your face. Dude, nah, they are well-behaved. Yeah? Yeah. What was a hotel like? So we stayed at this place called the Abyss.

It was a tiny hotel, but it had a luxury restaurant on top. Good scratch? Huh? Good money? Yeah. It was good money. Yeah. And they flew you nice and late?

They flew me out and then I flew my wife out. And then all I had to do was pay for the hotel. And he was gracious, cause he took like, we had to do like a photo shoot with the other people. So he took me and there was another comic named Do Me So, he brought his wife too. So he was like, yo, we'll just take your ladies out to like wherever they wanna go,

we'll take them shopping and stuff. And I looked at my wife, I'm like, yo, you ain't going nowhere. Right? But by like day two, she was like, no, I'm fine. Cause they gave her her own driver. And yeah. They gave her own driver and everything.

So like we got treated really good does your girl look like Spanish the Spanish is fuck yeah see my chick looks like a pollock from Boston they'd snatched I mean two nerves they'd take her and make her a belt you know we got a white girl poll pollock belt you made it we made her kneecaps into asterisks made her kuchy. That wifere up. So many white women over there. I did this so many white women over there. White white and not even American white like European white, you know, like I've seen

so many couples just mixed race couples I would see. At one point we were just sitting in our hotel, me and my wife, we went down to breakfast and we just got done eating and we just sat back and just like watch people. We seen like a black dude with an Indian wife and their kid and then like, you know what I mean? You got white men with a black guy. And no one gave us shit. Nobody cares in Africa.

Yeah, no one cares. Yeah. And that was great. Can I be honest with you? No one cares here or they shouldn't care. Nobody cares. Listen, all this stuff going on with black and white and blah, blah, blah. Nobody gives a shit.

See, that's racist. Blah, blah, blah. Those people are called other. I call them blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Well, and nobody gives a shit. No. Nobody cares.

We're all the same, dawg. No, we're all the same. Now. We've been the same. Right. But they fucked it up. Whoever the fuck that was, that bullshit. But now it's like dude, just let's, you know, just keep your music down. Oh, okay.

You guys like stop playing your corny music. Stop looking at me when my- Don't play your speaker on the train, my old headphones. I can hear you going. Stop looking at my cousin weird because he came in the neighborhood. He's my relative. Stop. White people stink.

We stink. You stink. We all suck. We all suck. China's going to buy America someday. They will. Can I tell you some, we know some fun facts about Kenya. What's up?

You know, did you go on a safari? You did. Hell yeah. I went on a fucking, we went to my zoo. My side, it's better than the zoo. We were scared of shit. We were sleeping in a, it was like glamping, like big tents with bathrooms and shit in it.

And it was a big tent, two beds in it, in a bathroom and they give you hot water. They go, yo, ring your little bell and then we'll come bring the hot water and we'll pour it in your bucket and then you can take a shower, right? But at night, you had to lock your tent cause the monkeys will get in and unzip your shit

and fuck your shit up. And I thought they was lying until we heard a monkey but if things start like pulling the lock. Yeah, they lock you in your tent. And you have to ring a bell for them to come get you out. Monkeys are no joke. Monkeys are no joke. People think monkeys are cute, but they'll throw shit at you.

They'll take your phone, they'll pull your hair, they'll steal your kid. I saw a monkey take that whiskey, spun the cap off and started drinking it. Oh shit, on the internet in real life. What you mean? Spun the cap off and started drinking it. Oh, shit. And on the internet and real life. The guy held a fifth of whiskey out on the internet. Monkey grabbed it, went like this with the cap.

Boom, boom, boom. Spend it up. Go, go, go, go, go. That's the coolest monkey ever. That's a badass monkey. That's a badass monkey. So did you, were they aligned? Like did you, were you open air?

Open air. Wow. I got pictures and stuff. I'll show you afterwards. And videos, open air, we're in them. So the Mara is just this big conservation. Like, you can't touch it, right? They can't touch it or nothing. And I was asking, I'm like,

but what if like an animal was getting attacked by another animal? They're like, that's just nature. You gotta let them shit, run this course. But they can't interfere or anything. We seen a hyena. we seen a hyena get jumped by another pack of hyenas for trying to eat a baby hyena. Yeah, and I called it.

I was like, because we were chilling in this one spot for like 30 minutes and I'm like, all right, this don't feel right. There's a hyena over there that just keeps circling us. And they're like, oh, don't worry, Asana, Asana, which means like, just like, oh, don't worry, everything is everything or some shit like that.

And I'm like, nah, this motherfucker is like up to something. And like two minutes later over here, it's rah, rah, rah, rah. And we see the little baby hyena run off and then all these other hyenas just start biting and fucking this hyena up to the point where it pissed itself and then all these other hyenas just start biting and fucking this one hyena up to the point where it pissed itself and then it ran off. Really?

I seen a, we seen a, what is it, a leopard, drag a kazelle up in the tree and you can hear it ripping the meat off and crunching the bones and then throwing the scraps down for his cubs to eat. But we had to wait an hour for that shit. Who cares? Yeah, I saw that. You saw real life. Seem real life.

We seen lions. We were we were this close. Where that camera is, we were this close to lions. Stop. And I'm like, you know, in a cage, though, right? No, they just laying down. OK, aren't they worried that the thing will come jump up and get hungry? I was worried, but the people we were with were like, don't worry, they're not worried about us. And I'm like, they are though.

We making so much noise. I got on so much cologne. I smell delicious. It'll probably be like a fruit roll up for them. I'd be shitting my pants. Yo, it was scary. It was beautiful at the same time because on the way, we had to get back before the sun went completely down because a lot of animals hunt at night. Like lions and stuff hunt at night.

And that was the thing. They were like, oh, like during the day they'll sleep and that's why they're not really like active and you can like walk up on them. So let me ask you a question. They're counting on these things to be lazy? Yeah absolutely and that's why they locked you in your tent. Bedtime was eight right? You ate dinner at eight o'clock so yeah you got back so it was an all-day thing. We woke up at six in the morning then you have your breakfast and then they drive you out into the morrow, and then you have lunch out there.

No, you have a... We had a tea breakfast at the camp, then they drive you out and we have actual breakfast, like pancakes and sausages and shit, and that was scary, because they set up a table for you in the middle of the morrow, and I just leaned against the truck the whole time. Like I'm leaning against the truck, my wife was like,

babe, come, like, see, it's fine. And I'm like, no, I'm eating my food standing up. I was eating my shit standing up, like, yeah, looking around. So then we go, you drive around, you see all these animals and then you come back for lunch, and then you take a break, and then they send you back out there because there are some animals that were probably asleep

and stuff like that that are now out. So then you go back, you have dinner, and then they drive you back before it gets dark. And when it gets dark, oh, you hear shit. You hear it like the monkeys running across the thing. You hear it like we were near the hyena den. We didn't realize how close we were to the hyena den until we saw him fighting.

When we saw him fighting and then I was like, oh, we gotta get out of here. And then we drove. I was like, yo, that's right here. And you're camped right there. And we're camped right there. And you paid to do that. And we've, I didn't pay.

Eric paid. It was a gift. Was it again? And I know it was, Eric paid, it was a gift. Was it a gift? And I know it was expensive, cause. Dude, how much is that? It was like $3,000 a night. Fuck you. And old people, and I didn't even know it was expensive

until all these, me and my wife were the youngest people there and it was just like all these senior citizens like, yo, we saved up for this. How did you get here? How did you find out? All these white people? All these white people. How did you afford this? I could do, and he said that. And then I was like, oh, my always saved up for this. How did you get here? How did you find out? All these white people? All these white people. How did you afford this?

I could, and he said that. And then I was like, oh, my wife speaks up for me, cause I'll just like, oh, you know, I'm just chilling, like I'll navigate my way out of it. But she was like, oh, you know, he's here for shows and they gifted it. Oh, it must be some funny jokes. You telling if this is what they give you.

Go ahead, let me hear some jokes. And it just turns into that shit. Yeah, and then you're gonna pray that a fucking lion gets hungry. Oh, I hope you fucking just get eaten. That's great that it's all old white people. You know you're getting away. Yeah.

I'll put the shit out of a little person. Push the fucking blue head right in front of a line. But you know, take one bite and go, oh, I taste all that metamucil and medicine. It's not like, tastes like mothballs and pussy. Here's some more fun facts ready. You know, Kenya has the world's best long distance runners. Yeah, of course.

Okay, of course. The guy who brought me over here, he was a runner. Yeah, because- And this motherfucker, he'll run like 10 miles a day. I'm like, 10. Yeah, because they're in, they got lions and shit chasing them. Be the fastest motherfuckers too.

If we had wild animals chasing us from house to school, the cops don't chase anybody anymore. Yeah. No, they just take beatings from people. They feel bad for the goddamn cops. They used to be the baddest motherfuckers in the world. And not again, they asked what I think that's on purpose. I think you we gonna see enough footage of cops getting a ass whoop and then by 2026, we're

gonna get all these big beefy cop. Yeah, just punching people Yeah, no reason. I want it back. No. Yeah, you do. No, I want a balance. Now you don't when you have your son. Yeah, you want to No, I want a balance. No, you don't. When you have your son, and you want to go to Times Square. But my son gonna look like the person they beat their ass a couple years ago. Nah, dude, the cops, dude, the cops aren't even, the Irish white cop that you guys are talking,

it's gone. Look at the cops. They're all black and Spanish. There's no more, there's one Italian that's hanging on. Black cops still do fucked up shit. Hey, well that's your fault. Take care of that shit. You like, hey, me here.

Hey, I don't know, that's not my thing. Kenya leads the world's cut flower export. Did you know that? What's that mean? Cut flowers. They export flowers. But flowers grow everywhere. They do.

That seems like a scam. God damn chart. They descend in flowers? Here's the, you probably know this one from being there. The great Wilderbeast migration has no beginning or end point. I don't know what the fuck that is. I seen a Wilderbeast, they ugly. There's a lot of them,

but I didn't know there was like a great migration But it has no it has no beginning or ending point Oh, just happens they migrate and they didn't go anywhere. They don't know humanity This is a big one. Okay, humanity Humanity, you know what that is everyone started in Kenya What? Why you fight me on this? Because that only is I know it started in Africa, right? But Kenya? Yeah, to where it started. Humanity. I didn't know that started in Kenya. Wow. So Kenya's like the Delaware of Africa. Because

it was the first state. And then after I mean, I mean, yeah, it's a stretch, but it's a stretch. I was trying. Is that crazy? That is crazy. I don't believe it, though. Why? I don't know. It just.

Just take it. All right. Why don't you believe it? I don't know. Why? What do you think it started in Philly? No, I know it started in Africa, but I didn't think like yeah, Ken. Yeah, but that's cool Yeah, Africa is the birthplace of all of it, dude

That's what we started. I don't thought Ghana or somewhere like that What's Kenya? Yeah, it's I don't I don't know how they know that I think that's made up. You think so Yeah, I don't think there's no way to really be able to tell I know where it started Is that is that fake that's fake fact and really be able to tell. I know. Where it started. Is that fake, that's fake fact, and you just tested me? No dude. There's a real fucking fact. You know who else was born in Kenya? Who?

Come on. Obama? Bing, ding, ding, ding. I didn't know he was born in Hawaii, but his dad was from Kenya. What's that? I thought he was born in Hawaii, or something like that. I knew he had a Kenyan descent, but I thought he was born in Hawaii or something like that.

I knew he had a Kenyan descent, but I thought that was because his father. I didn't know he was born in Kenya. Yeah, I mean that might be a lie because I think that's... Because he never sold his birth certificate. I think that Max is setting me up to be canceled. I think so too. I think... Max, is that a fact?

Was Obama born in Kenya? That's what Trump says. Max, was that a fact? I Obama born in Kenya? That's what Trump says. Max, was that a fact? I mean, he was born in Hawaii, or I think so. I don't know. Max, you can't, I can't in February, tell a black guy who was in foster homes, who went to Kenya and had a fucking Muhammad Ali moment,

that Obama was born in Kenya. You know, I'm gonna be a tech. You piece of shit. Where was he born? Hawaii? I told you. He looks like he was born in Kenya. Does that count? I that counts. I'm sorry, dude. I sorry. No problem, man. This kid has autism. You gotta give it back somehow, man. What's that? Helping out autistic people. How funny, you know, you seen the soup bowl? Yeah.

You give a fuck? Not that much, because it was rigged. Like once I seen them down by 10, and I was listening to the commentators, I was like, oh, this is their thing, this is what they always do. I'm like, this is how it's going to end. They're going to win.

They're going to have like this miraculous moment and come back. Dude, this footage of, it's literally first in 10. The guy ran two yards, it should have been second and eight. Yeah. And they kept it first in 10. Oh shit. I mean, it should have been second and eight. And they kept it first and ten. Oh shit. I mean it's on the TV. Yeah, but they're trying to make good television. At this point sports is just wrestling. Did you see Taylor Swift as soon as she

saw herself on the Trinitron? She grabbed the beer and started chugging it. And the other chick? Start chugging it. No, the other black chick? Oh I spiced what she'd do. She did something with her chain. She left her chain up. She grabbed the beer and started chugging it. And started chugging it. And the other chick. Started chugging it. No, the other black chick. Oh, I spiced what she do. She did something with her chain. She left her chain up. She did the devil. What's the devil? She did the devils.

She went like this with the devils. I thought this was rock on. I thought this was like, yeah. Rock on is this. And it's only done by white middle-aged men. Oh. When a crazy fucking black chick does this. It's the devil shit.

It's the devil man. She did the devil and then she did some weird hiding it stuff. I thought she did this. I thought she was like. No, she did Beelzebub shit. Oh, do you really believe in that though? I'm telling you right now, Kat Williams has got, what?

What? Come on now. What? If that existed, would you sell your soul so your son can have like a mansion to live in? First of all, would you, if the Illuminati existed in the entertainment industry? This is how not.

And they were like, yo, Bobby, we want you to put on the dress. Right. And your family is taking care of for the rest of your life. What you gonna do, Bobby? This is how not in the business I am, they haven't even thought of coming to me. You don't feel like you're in a business?

No, I'm joking. Oh, okay. I'm also in a business. But that end of it, I don't know dude. I don't believe it. I don't, look man, I listen, Sam Triple, you know Sam? I don't know him personally, but I know him. His Instagram, his Twitter, I mean.

I eat it up. He's so funny and he's so confident with all this shit. And of course, I listen to some podcasts and people say shit, but something's going on, dude. Something's going on because stars are starting to turn on each other people starting to say shit okay Jamie Foxx just gets sick and we don't know yeah what happened to Jamie Foxx he got sick what of probably drugs fuck that you don't think drugs dude

you don't think celebrities may have gone these benders and then where is he? Jamie Foxx's home. Is he back? Yeah You sure it's Jamie Foxx, I think so it may be a deep fake it may be a I Hold on. I think I follow Jamie Fox. I'm telling you right now All the stuff going on P. Diddy. Oh What yeah, but I don't know if that's just, that ain't the devil, that's just diddy. You can't blame that on the devil. That's just diddy. I love that you're sticking up for the devil.

Because you give the devil too much credit. What do you, you believe in God? Yeah. You do. I believe, but I don't believe in God in the sense of like heaven and hell. I believe in God as a creator and he, you know, he gives you free will and stuff like that. Yeah. And I'm saying he, but I don't believe it's a gender thing.

Okay, fine. And I hate people go, how do you know it's a he? Just shut up. I don't, yeah, I don't even care if it's a he. I don't give a shit. My God, and I visualize whatever it is, and I don't even see what it is.

But I'm so sad that people don't believe in something. People just believe in fame and willpower. And it's like, that's fine, but you're gonna get somewhere where you're gonna need something. When'd you become religious? Was it in group homes? I've been religious my whole life, but when I got sober is when I found,

because AA is a, it's a... It's a cult. What? No, it's not a cult. It's not a cult? AA's not a cult? Here's why it's not a cult. Why?

Because they make you replace your worship of drugs and alcohol with Jesus. No, no, no, no, no, no. Jesus has nothing to do with AA. So why is everybody who leaves AA so religious? It's whatever you, the reason why AA works and it's worked forever, they don't promote it. You're not supposed to talk about it.

They don't fight club. It's just, they call it attraction rather than promotion. OK. Look, I'm here for me Yeah, if you want to have what I have I can show you what I do, but I ain't giving it to you You got to get it Number two, it's a God of your understanding. Whatever the fuck you want to believe in Whatever you want a Jewish God Catholic God you want Allah you want a light bulb you want Whatever you want to believe in you can believe it in but you have to believe in something other than yourself. Yes. You

can't be like I got it because you don't because you haven't. So it's kind of it's I think what it is up I look at religion not as religion but as a positive perspective on life. So I believe like every religion is that it's just hey man don't fuck your neighbor's wife. Yeah. Hey, don't hurt anybody Help people love people care for people try not to be mean to people do for others That's all every religion at its base is trying to do and then but then why do religions have so like Religions we have religious wars and they have soldiers and shit like that. So to me, that is what makes me get off religion. When I was younger, it just felt like cult

thing and I'm like, yo, they're telling you that church is in your heart. So why do I have to come here and give you money and be around the people who judge me and all that stuff? You know, you can just just you can have it at your house. Yeah, it's a spiritual state of mind that you get into. You I know guys that, you know, don't believe in any religion. Most of the people I know don't believe don't believe in religion. That's like a lot that that's a lot of people are like that now. Yeah, but I believe you still need some type of spirituality because if you're

just if you're the motherfucker, then you're God, then I'm out. I mean, I'm not God, but you can be you are your God, you have the ability to create. I fart. You have the ability to destroy. I fart at bats in uncomfortable situations. I'm pretty sure God doesn't do that. I'm pretty sure God, that's why the nigga wear the dress. My God is a nigga. I can call God a nigga. Listen, I'm not going to fight that, but I'm pretty sure your God, unless your God is like DMX. Yo, what you need?

What you need? I'm here for you, dawg. You know what I'm saying? I think, and I don't care, here's the thing people like, well I don't believe it. I don't care, that's great man. Don't believe in, do not believe in any, believe that's a belief. You don't believe, that's your belief. So do that.

I hate people who think religion, because most people that go to religion are just looking for something positive to be a part of. Yeah. See it. But did you grow up in churches? I grew up in Catholic church, Irish Catholic. All right, see I didn't grow up in Catholic. I went to Catholic camp and that's just scary.

Yeah, that's terrifying. Yeah, but I grew up in churches and it's not what you say. It wasn't like that. It was, it was a lot of looking down and, and, and talking about people and judgment and stuff. And, and I'm like, yeah, people came to do that. Cause feeling golly made them feel like they were better than everyone else.

Yeah. No, I mean, feeling blessed and highly favored in all that shit. Yeah, that's not the religion. The reason why I like AA2 is because it's really trying to let go of your ego. That's a main part of it. And there's these steps that you take where it's like,

okay, admit that you need help, number one. And then admit what the problem is and then let go. And then go through all the stuff that you got and put it down and then go tell somebody that shit. So you're not burdened. And then you got to go and figure out your little things that you do that you continue to do that you don't want to let go of. And try to let go of those. Just try. Ask for help.

Whatever it is. Try to let go of those things. And then, you know what? When you fuck up, admit it and just go say sorry. Just admit it. I fucked up. I just, at the end of the day, I'm gonna, I gotta take care of this. Because relationships with people are the thing that fucks all of us up. It's that relationship with somebody that you said something or they said something or you

did something and now you have it here and you're resentment and justified, resentment and justified anger and then you take it with you and then that goes over to here and then that person has something from them, that religion, and then once you say, hey, I fucked up, I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah, it's gone. And you can have a peaceful day, a serene day. And then it's, you know, give it to others, help somebody else. And try to do all these things is what that program is.

And you don't have to be it, you don't have to spend money on it, you don't have to, they don't give a fuck if you show up. Well, AA is free? AA is 100% free. So the sponsors don't get paid? Nobody gets paid. That sucks.

What? All that. I thought I had you. No. All that. I lived with foster parents that were in AA. They still did they shit They still smoke a drink. I think they were just going to check it. That's that's called LA sober

That's a la sober there. I don't drink, but I'm smoking fun. We're doing Adderall fucking killing it All right, dude, I can't believe it was a great episode dude. I'm having a good time Yeah, I'm I had a great time This is fuck great. We got questions from the fans. We're gonna do on patreon. Okay, let's go But before we go to patreon and that's gonna be if you want to go to patreon We're gonna be asking questions from the patreon If you want to see that part of it just go to patreon.com sas robert kelly and join up helps put the show and And you can ask questions and they'll be asked on the show and you can ask questions and

they'll be asked on the show and you can see the episode right now live they're in there but you you have a special yes and you shot it there yep I shot it in Kenya how did you went there did you go back or did you shot it shoot it when you were there no so what happened was when I got to the show, they were like, yo, we we filmed the show so the comics can have clips and they were planning on trying to sell it on their in like sell the distant relative show. So they were going to sell your jokes. Pretty much.

Yeah, you can't do nothing about that. Yeah, because they got a bunch of fake Louis Vuitton's and they got Gucci and right. And they got monkey belts and they'll sell your stupid. Yeah, they'll probably I'll probably see my special on the blanket the next time I go there next to some monkey. How about buy your shit time square next to a Louis Vuitton belt. So I asked the guy like a year had passed and like I was just sitting there and I wanted to start building my YouTube. So I was like, hey, do you have that footage from the show?

And he's like, yeah. So he sent me it and then I sent it to Keith and I was like, can I do anything with this? He's like, yeah. Who's Keith? Keith Robinson. I was like, I only call Keith Keith. Who is it? Who's that?

You know who fuck Keith Robinson. And Keith Robinson. Oh, comedy Express Keith. No, the Keith from this Christmas, the singer. But you didn't know there's two Keith Robinson's. I didn't know that. No, is it the one with the double strokes that annoys everybody? Is this a.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stokey Robinson. Stokey Robinson. Yeah. I fucking agree. If he doesn't call a special that I'll kill him. He's not going to call a special that. Strowkey Robinson? Yeah. I'm fucking great. If he doesn't call a special that, I'll kill him. He's not going to call a special that. What's he calling it?

But he does the Strowkey Robinson joke in it. He does? Yeah. Am I allowed to spoil it though and tell you the name of a special? Yeah, he's 60 something. Yeah. I think it's called like, I don't want to say it. Don't say it.

Yeah. Don't say it. Here's the thing. I think that special, I was at the table. It was great. He's probably gonna win something for that. He bet it, and if he don't, they're racist. See, I can't, I hate it. Come on, it's so easy to do it. I know, but.

It's so easy to bring up race when you don't get what you want. It never used to work on us. It frightens me every time I hear it now. You're racist, I'm like, I'm like, what'd I do? I left the black guy in before me. So, all right, so this guy, Keith sees it. So Keith sees it, and then I'm like, what do I do? I left the black guy in before me. So all right, so this guy you have Keith sees it. So Keith sees it. And then I'm like, oh, I think what should I do it? And he's like, put it out dummy. It's a 20 minute special. You're in Africa and you're doing your material in Africa. So

I was like, all right. So I sent it back to him and I asked him if they can like add some effects and stuff and make it look better. And they did a really good job. What'd they do? They did. They, man, did you, you seen it at all? The camera quality is good. No, okay.

Is it up? The sound quality, it's on YouTube. Let me see it. Bring it up. Yeah, but don't watch it with me here. No, I hate dude. I can't work myself at all. Yeah.

My last special kill box, I was so fat and I, clubs will use this clips of it. I'm like, please. You be like, come on, man. Please, please don't do it. It just makes me want to cry. No. I was such a tub of shit. You did that in 2022 though.

Yes, right? Yeah, 2020. That's the Louis, that was on Louis' side? Louis produced it. Louis and Leah produced it and he directed it and put it on his side. Yeah, it was great. It was great, but so they added effects. Why would you have to send it back to Africa? But it was effects

from the 80s? No, it's just they had the color corrected. That's what I mean by that. They had to like color here. I don't know how to color correct. Only know how to like make it dude. Make it bright. If I had no, don't watch I only know how to like, I suppose. I make it, dude. Make it bright or something. If I watch it. If I have, no don't watch it. We're gonna watch the beginning of it. I wanna see the beginning. I don't know why he bring it. This is why I hate you Max.

I just want to make it the biggest ever. Why would I wanna see fucking Apple Pro glasses? Yeah, I get those. I know you a techie too. So this is the host of the show. I know, you gotta brighten it up cause I can't even see this guy. And I'm got to brighten it up because I can't even see this guy And I'm not trying to be racist. No, I can't even see it. Yeah, I thought I I didn't know what that was

You can't say that you can't Stop stop stop. I thought that was dope. I had to leave that in there This is so it I had it was the most African I had to start it off with Africa It's like here's the thing with white people what we only like one or two colors Mexican and Africans love them all yeah, it's it really is it's you think that shirt is too colorful that no I it's it's very colorful. I like it. It's only like three colors. That's not three colors. That's all the colors in the planet.

Let's see is black. That's a whole. Yellow is red. Blue. There's blue. White. White. Or red.

Red. I said red. OK, red, yellow. I said yellow. OK. Black, blue, black, blue, and there's a different type of orange There's a orange. No. Yeah, that's orange. That's it's not the same yellow. That's an orange Where where are you looking the stripes the V stripes? That's orange. That's not red. No, it's red and then orange

And no black people. We not afraid of color. I know you guys are awesome. I love it Yeah, I can do it too my point. No, we can't wear.. I know, you guys are awesome. I love it. Yeah, y'all can do it too. My point, no, we can't wear it. Yo, you can't wear that dashiki thingy? Dude, I would look like a jackass if I wore that. What about like a Boston-themed dashiki? What would that be?

Like a Celtics? Yeah, like a big Celtic jersey. Is that what that's called, the dashiki? Yeah, I don't know if that's a dashiki. What is a dashiki? But like a dashiki is just a shirt shirt that goes long. Yeah, do you have one? No, you didn't get a dashi. I got a shuka. What's a shuka? It's a blanket. They gave it to me in a

in a in the Mara. Why didn't you get a dashiki? I don't know. I wanted one. Look at that. Look at that shit. You telling me look at the white guy in the dashiki Where right there the lights getting that's the South African white guy though. That's not Nope Cleveland. I think he's Cleveland white actually he opened for me at the hilarities You're right. He's being cultural. I wore that that would you know, they would call me fight Dolce would call me culturally inappropriate of some shit. I think she'll get mad that you-

She'll get mad. But her name, you call her Dolce, like Dolce and Cabana. What is it? It's Dolce. Dolce, Dolce. Dolce. Yeah, I think I'm fucking up. You know, Yamanita, you're fucking up,

you're both fucking it up. It's too exotic. Yeah. Let's play this, this guy's, I mean, can you brighten it up a little bit or is that as bright as it gets? Yeah, you gotta turn it off now. You like this guy. I Love that. Thank you love the music that was menu and heart

Who's that DJ? Yeah, I had a DJ on stage. You don't like DJs on stage pause. No, you don't like DJ. Sit down, fuckface. Stups, hand it up. Sit down. Why is he lit up? Put that sucker in the dark. I want to look at you. Well, it's not my special. I took the footage and I made it a special. But I didn't go over there with the intent of filming the special. Alright, let me watch it. I will see it with the next camera view. Look at him. Look at him. I just sound like Star Wars music. Like, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Look at that. Everybody stood up.

Everybody was like, get off Darth Vader's car. I didn't expect this many white people to be here. Y'all didn't learn y'all lesson the first time? The fuck? I would have just stuck to the Google reviews and the history books. I didn't expect this shit. I thought I was going to see like flies and kids standing there. Listen, they're like, boo.

It's none of that shit. I'm fucking angry. So I like being combative on stage. They call me off guard. It's like when you get to the airport, you got them big ass storks and shit, whatever they are. You know what I'm talking about? Them big fucking birds that just watch cars go by.

So they can snatch black babies and bring them to celebrities in America. Stop, pause. Pause. Look at that crowd. Look at that. Look at all the white people. Look. There's five.

No. Watch, they're going to show another angle. First of all, I people. Look. This five, real fast. No. And watch, they're gonna show another angle. First of all, I count one, two, three, four, five. This five. That's a lot of white people. In Africa, yes it is. It should be like three for the entire country.

It's like a pro-jump concert. Yo. Dude, you wrote that there. That's great. Mm-hmm. I know. Dude, you wrote that there. That's great. I mean, you made a little mini African special. I tried. That's great.

I'm trying to figure it out. It's a great joke. Thank you. I was talking shit. Snatch little African babies and bring them to white celebrities in America. It's a great joke, man. Thank you, man. Jesus, that's great. That's great.

Well, you gotta check it out. What's the name of it? It's called Monroe Martin, live from Nairobi, Kenya. I know that's long, but I didn't know what else to call it. You can't get a T-shirt with that. What should I call it? Back at home? Yeah.

Monroe Martin. Home alone? I finally found home. No. The foster man? Home. Another foster kid, the foster man? No, I finally found home. No. The Foster Man? Home. The foster kid? The foster man?

No. I don't know. Monroe Martin. Pumpin' Nickel Black. What? That's the funniest. Pumpin' Nickel Black. Monroe Martin.ro Martin.

I thought my dick was big. No? It's not funny that I'm pumpernickel black. How about this? Munro Martin, monkey belt. Monkey belt. I like monkey belt. Dude, monkey belt.

Monkey belt would be dope. That's a funny one. I think so, but I don't mention it in the special. That's even funnier. They'd be like, why'd you call it monkey belt? I don't know. I thought when I was going to go to Africa, I was going to buy a monkey belt in the market.

I went up and got a fucking pair of Adidas. Dude, I would have definitely got a shrunken monkey head if I could. Oh, dude. I'm not even going to lie to you. See that video with the African dudes? Just grabbed a fucking dried up monkey on the other side and bit into its head.

I seen it on, I didn't watch the video cause I just watched him grab the monkey and go like this, I'm fucking skipping. You on Twitter too much. They grabbed a monkey, it was a dried up monkey. And then fucking, And they went like this to it's a ha. And bit, and then the dude grabbed its nose his mouth and bit into its mouth. I didn't see any of that there

Nobody was that wow. That's that's I think that's for the internet now Tell you what I think Africans just be hamming it up for the internet So they go viral when the electricity goes out those those are the motherfuckers you want to know the monkey eater The monkey handbiter monkey belt dudes. I want to know. The monkey eater? The monkey headbiter? Monkey belt dudes. I want to know where he's at, so I'm not next. Why? So this motherfucker don't just take a snack out of me?

Nah man, you just get to eat a monkey. If you get to eat a monkey, you get to eat a person. Before we get to the questions and we go to the, what, we got to go. But what is the, let me ask you a question. What was the craziest thing you ate over there? Any crazy shit? Nah, I wish. You didn't fuck around with that.

I didn't fuck around. I ate a lot of lamb, cause there was a lot of like Arabic type food and a lot of spices and shit, so I just stayed with that. Right, alright. I'd lamb a lot of fish, but I wasn't eating weird stuff. I wasn't gonna do that. Monkey face? Nah, nah. You gotta fry it and then let me eat it and then go you know that's monkey face right?

But I'm not gonna eat it if you tell me it's monkey face first. You need a sauce? Yeah. You need a sauce? You gotta put it in nugget form. I need some ranch or something. You know that's Nugget Nuts, right? What? What do you mean? Y'all call it Monkey Nuts? No, that's a Monkey's Nuts. You remember that baby hyena that was getting fucked up? You know that's at right there, right?

You wouldn't care? As long as you fried it and ate it first and then you told me. Right, you'd be fine. I'd be fine. Alright, great. Well, listen, we got questions for you, man. Check out his special right now. Check it out.

It's on YouTube. It's called Munro Martin. Live from Nairobi, Kenya. Aka Monkey Belt. Aka Monkey. I'm going to change the title. I'm going to do an Aka Monkey Belt, parentheses. Aka Monkey Belt. That would Monkey Belt, that would have been,

you could have been, the thing would have been like you on stage with a monkey belt. No, but would the monkey, would it just be a regular belt with like a big brass monkey face? Or is it like the monkey fur wrapped around the waist? The monkey hands wrapped around your waist,

holding in the back with the monkey head in the front like this. Yai, y yai yai! Ah dude. Alright, well sit. Go there. I want to thank you guys. What do you got? Max Marcus Comedy, all social media. And for Joe Russell stuff, go to the Cheese Show on YouTube. And make sure you check them out on Instagram too. And what's Danny's? What is it? Danny Braff? Yeah.

That's it. Max, you're the worst producer on earth and your autism helps you not. Yeah, autistic people supposed to be like Elon Musk level. This kid has got reverse autism. He got all the looks with none of the smarts. Uh, I'm going to be of course... I think it's called Asperger. All the looks with none of the smarts I'm gonna be of course I think it's just called ugly

In March, I'm gonna be a comics Roadhouse and I'm going to side-splitters I'm going to Paramount Theater with big Joe Cousin. So get your tickets there in Long Island I'm at Poughkeepsie and Riot Comedy Festival in April and then of course I'm going to Comedy Mothership. Tickets were almost sold out for that and I'm going down to Louisville. Lafayette, I'm so Lafayette at Club 337, Laf Boston. I'm all over the place so go check me at RobertKelvinLive.com, go to ComicRarebles.com, use code word LadyBugs.

If you want to get a hat we got the beanies We got the ykw we got the new hats up there with the rubber stamp that a ballsy the regs thing the regs shirt Fuck the check spot shirt. We got all kinds of stuff the ykw hoodies up there Get yourself some swag and use codeword ladybugs 20% off all this stuff up there and make sure you check out my Roan special what's your Instagram dude? Monroe Martin, I I I Instagram. Dude, I've known you for a long time and I'm so happy that you're, you know, you're killing it. You're progressing, you're growing, you're, you're, you're,

you're knocking out of the park. I'm going to watch this special myself tonight. And now we're going to go right now. Patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly. We'll see you next time. You know what, dude? Podcast. See you. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty, shitty jobs.