Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - National Guard Marriage
Episode Date: October 3, 2016This week on YKWD: Hosted by Luis J Gomez with guests Kerryn Feehan, Mike Finoia, Dave Smith, and Pete Lee! We talk about acts of vandalism we committed growing up! We play Kerryn's roast battle with ...Zac Amico, much to Kerryns chagrin. Plus, Rich Vos stops by (and leaves quickly cause Bobby's not there). Watch / Listen and enjoy! Â RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar.
A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa.
Hay que ponerse modo de racón.
¿Eres un dragón?
Soy el dragón de Fireball.
Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball.
Bien, frÃo.
Yo, pues al lÃo.
Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica.
Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night.
Con fireball.
Disfruta de un consumo responsable.
33 grados.
¿Estás listo a Robert Kelly?
¿Qué es, ¿qué es, dude?
En la network riotcast.com.
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Adiós, podcast!
En el plan de Burre.
¿Es un costo de pie?
¡Adiós, podcast! ¡No es un rujo! ¿Qué es mi gas? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying podcast.
No rules.
I'm gonna go to the mic asshole.
I'm sure I've already said should I regret it?
Can I get a mic?
Oh, what the fuck?
That was trying to keep it like a comic head.
I have a bunch of guys on.
It's just us sitting down and yapping.
Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics,
no directions.
I love doing it.
Play both sides to the coin
The day my podcast is popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know Yo, yo, yo, yo, what is up, motherfucker?
It's your boy, Lewis J. Gomez.
Puerto Rico Radas think real ass dude.
Hashtag this show.
The artist formerly known as the Howard sort of MMA radio.
Taking over the YKWD podcast.
You know what, dude?
Get the fuck out of my face.
It's a real ass takeover.
Oh, boy. We're sort of MMA radio taking over the YKWD podcast. You know what dude get the fuck out of my face. It's a real estate over
Oh boy. Yeah, I was really trying to start a pause break for myself. Nobody applauded. I'll go with you
Thank you very much, Peely. You know what the best guest of the night gets a hundred dollar fucking gift certificate
To where I don't know you're just coming from WI-K-WD's account, Lauren.
That's empty.
You know what, hold on.
Oh, just fucking sell some of the Patries, memorabilia.
Best guest of the night, I actually got from a fan.
It says, it's from my buddy, Big John McCarthy was a fan.
He gave me a $15 iTunes music card.
Wait, Big John McCarthy?
Not the, not the, not the, the big John from the this is another big John
MacArthur himself big John and you would just throw it out there and not even say not it's a good friend of mine George
St. Pierre not that George St. Pierre is a different one good friend of mine Barack Obama. He's a trucker
Well, he gave me a $15 iTunes gift card check this out best guest on why KWU today is walking out with a
$15 iTunes gift card.
I thought it was a hundred. Yeah, it went down in value. That would have been good.
I'd known with a $100 cash. That would have been a pretty cool.
The best guest is going to all over $75 by the end of the show.
No, here's the problem. I didn't realize that the YKWD bank account was completely empty.
Well, it's not empty. it's just, you know,
so can we give 100 out, can we give 100 out
should the best guess of the night?
For what?
For being great and bringing it,
we're trying to incentivize the guests.
I'll run it by Bobby.
It would be crazy here, but like Legion of Skanks
pays every show if you think about it that way.
Yeah, it's a little crazy.
All right, so you guys are coming in strong talking shit, right?
I don't know, we were talking about me with that takeover
on that shit. I thought we were fighting somebody
Yeah, I don't welcome to why can we do Bob Kelly is out and Los Angeles. I just spoke with him
He's very excited
He's he's watching along if you guys are in the chat room. We might be chatting along with you guys, so hi Bobby
Yeah, Bobby's listening to the show right now, and we have a we have a pretty fucking intense line up here
Yeah, first of all I'm gonna tell you right now. We're starting off at a good night. No scope. Oh
No scope is he's got a show. Oh really he is coming. I figured he quit this one too
Well, you'll see when scope oh comes in the type of
He draws the energy out of the room
Right out of the room. No comment. Dave Smith has, you have an incredible,
you got a man spreading thing going on here.
If this was the subway, you'd,
that was very passive aggressive, Mike Finoa.
Mike, that's the voice in Mike Finoa,
guys, give it up for Mike Finoa.
Mike Finoa, yeah.
Very passive aggressive.
Oh, no, he's got a, yeah, y'all.
Is he got a little man spread out?
He's got a lot of man spread and like,
his jeans are so tight, like with the man spread
that it's weird.
He almost has like a skateboard con.
Like a half pipe.
Yeah, like you're supposed to have a giant bowl.
You've never seen his dick.
That's a full pipe, trust me.
You got a nice dick.
We also got Pete Lee as he got down from the lead.
Yeah.
Pete.
Dan Smith is here from the part of the problem podcast.
Yeah.
I don't know if he could go on that spot, I want to spread more now spread your man challenge and last but not least making her YKWD debut YK
WT her YKW debut ladies and gentlemen from the shame on podcast Karen Feehan
First time anybody's ever said double D and Karen in the same
Yeah First time anybody's ever said double D and Karen and the same You like to talk about Dave's dick. Yeah, boy, so hold on Dave. You're me. That's a that's a term The reason I say passive aggressive phenol is because you could have been like hey, Dave
Just fucking move your legs in a little bit. You're you're crowding on my shit
But you you you by the way only knows passive aggressive or totally aggressive
You're gonna look at time and just like I pussy
Don't those fucking legs are getting like-
I'm trying to use a New York word.
A cool New York word.
That's out of New York word.
That's out of cool New York word.
That's a fucking sped it is.
Is it?
Yes.
Oh, dude, spread more.
I don't give a shit.
By the way, Lewis went on a whole campaign
when that first came out.
It was amazing.
Yeah.
What was the series called again?
It was called Woman Spreading.
Woman Spreading.
And Lewis would just go through and show chicks
with their bags on subways.
And whatever men ever do with spreading their legs women do
10 times more
fucking handbags to another level it's not even like you don't even like they're they go
Oh man spreading as a thing and I get it dudes we we just sit with our legs spread a little bit wider
And I understand sometimes it's a little uncomfortable for somebody to say hey
Could you move your legs over they don't want to come off like a dick. Women will flat up, just put their bags next to them, put their legs up,
we'll fucking go shopping and it take up three different seats.
No problem with it at all.
How is man spreading even a term where woman spreading isn't a thing?
Yeah, there's this because they have a purse and a tote bag and then overnight bag
because I've been staying over my boyfriend and he lives in a hobo again.
And ours is because we have all back. Yeah, we have
to do it. Yeah, I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm spread I love it.
I'm just a spreader. Oh no, okay, I'm just saying he made a great
point. We can be another choice. It's your choice to be a
whore with this guy in home book and okay. Yeah, I I don't
choose to have balls. They're there. Yeah, summer. Keep some
clothes at his house or at least make them want to commit so you can what's going on you guys are both 33 I mean just
move in all right over for craze what do you guys even do it you're not getting
any younger me and Karen were on the subway on our way here and there was I
would say in even worse infraction than man spreading which is the Puerto
Rican with their music playing on the subway oh I, that's... Holy, I wish the death penalty.
Holding up their phone because they don't have headphones.
Just getting them off.
I don't know what it was.
He was falling asleep.
He wasn't even listening to the own music that he was playing for everyone.
Because I'm going to take a nap, I'm just going to put something on for you guys.
Yeah, that's very...
I liked part of the song, but part of the song is terrible.
You said you didn't even know if you had a phone.
What would he have like a...
It was?
What was coming out of his bag?
I think it was a phone. He was fine. I have no idea what it was know if you had a phone. What would you have like a jukebox? What was coming out of his bag? I think it was a phone.
He was fine.
I have no idea what it was.
Maybe it was a calculate.
It could have been a fucking, it could have been a speaker
in his bag, some sort of Bluetooth contraption.
I have no idea what it was.
All I know is his bag was playing some sort of like
fucking mountain ear music.
Like, you know, like, you know, the guys in Times Square
that play all the flutes.
There's like a whole flute group in Times Square.
Yeah, we heard two different songs.
I think there was like an R&B mix in there.
I don't think a woman's voice.
I thought Ricola commercial right away.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I imagine they with an Asian twist.
Oh, like Zelda when he hit the flute,
like, was it a minstrel medley?
What the fuck's this guy listening to you?
I don't know, there's less.
No wonder he was sleep.
I know.
I know music.
I mean, he made that song.
All I know is when I'm on the subway and somebody does that my immediate reactions
Like I have to fucking say something and I never do and I'll tell you why because the people that do that are
Animals and I don't know what they're capable of yeah, they don't have the thing in their brain that says that would be rude
People wouldn't like this you want to talk to me on the subway mother fucker. I can't afford earbuds
Well also when he walked on to the subway we were doing an acapella version of you
where I was thinking back up. Mr. Biggs.
Hey my little girl.
Sit down down down down to you.
Wow that's a stand up.
Here you go.
Yeah.
That's the greatest true.
That is true. Yeah
So this guy We let you fill it to live in a line of where our land Just to be the one to be with you
So we were doing that for a bitch that should have ended a long time ago
So this guy is the worst?
So you started with a guy not using his headphones and I was like, oh I fucking hate that guy
He was the third most annoying person
Really? not using his headphones and I was like oh I fucking hate that guy. Is that he was the third most annoying person? Yeah, really. Yeah, we were literally singing it.
By the way, jokes make better podcasting than four people without good voices singing.
Yeah, it's pretty good on the harmony.
I said four!
I think he was really.
Four!
Pete was the good one.
I thought you made me work.
You made me work Pete.
You put up a best in my... You were my muse, Mike. Four Pete was the good one. I thought I thought you made me work Pete
You were my muse Mike
Mike was going at like an eight but then Pete was a my
I would love it if that guy was asleep and you guys woke him up and he like clicked it on his bag
Sleep like a white noise machine or something like I just like anytime you want to kill someone, just play fucking mountaineer flute music. Yeah, I hate Mr. Big. I hate Mr. Big. But it's usually, it's usually like a thuggy black kid or a thuggy portory. You can get this guy. He wasn't thuggy, but he was
a little bit older, I'd say probably like... I thought he was older in Middle Eastern. I don't
know why you think he was pretty good. No, he was a portory can guy with pan flute music. It was
pretty crazy. I wonder how long it would take for you to hate the song he was playing if it was
a song you loved,
but you just didn't wanna hear it on the subway.
You know what, if you walked on it,
and he was playing Pantera,
how long till you're like,
I would still buy the man I'll tell you what.
Yeah.
Right, and Dave, you're gonna connect with me on this idea,
right?
It's like when you're walking down the street with a friend,
like a girl, just a friend, right?
But she's not your girlfriend.
But some dude, cat calls her in front of you.
Oh.
So, even though it's not your girl, he doesn't know that.
Okay, that guy has no idea that this isn't my fucking wife right now.
Well, I also, that guy has no idea that I don't, that I like Pantera.
So, he's still being a fucking dick.
The intent on-
Hey motherfucker, bro, you know I could hate Pantera.
Fuck it for you, I love it.
God damn it, I've pantera tattooed on my chest.
He might say, why did I have to wear the stank top?
This is a real ass close call.
Yeah, sometimes it's not so bad, just because it's close to pant hair.
This is what drives me crazy about that.
The most is that it'll always be some shit where it's like, you know,
like some fucking hip-hop music or something where they're like,
Rob, you're pussy on my face.
And there's like fucking kids around.
That is my favorite song.
It's a good song.
That's the chorus.
Rob Yupose on my face.
Come on, everyone.
Rob Yupose on my face.
Rob Yupose on my face.
Rob Yupose on my face.
Rob Yupose on my face.
Rob Yupose on my face.
That's gonna annoy David Song's all the time.
No, listen.
That's right.
Roll, roll, you butt.
Rob, Rob, Rob Y pussy right above my face.
But it's always shit like that.
And that's kind of what they're me about,
like even Pantera or something like that.
It's just like aggressive music to fucking play
for everybody.
It's kind of diamonds totally cool though.
Yeah, but compared to it,
I don't know.
It's so funny because to me, like,
Pantera sounds pretty mild.
No, it's not even a pro-peer like that.
It's just kind of aggressively,
if you're trying to see me,
if you're trying to, that's the thing, the other thing about it is, I'm trying to read. No, not you not even a pro beer like that. It's just kind of aggressively, if you're trying to see me, if you're trying to,
that's the thing,
the other thing I buzzed me is,
I'm trying to read.
No, not you and plot.
Obviously not you.
But I, I hate that if you're reading on the train
and someone comes on and just playing music,
you're like,
I feel the same way with those kids fucking dancing.
You're like, dude, come on man,
this has to take over everyone's shit now.
What if they ask you for money?
People just playing music on their phone.
Give me the money, I can't find lots for the songs. Pretty good, right? I guess they're selling. They don't ask you for money? People just playing music on their phone. Like, give me a hand, like, five bucks for the song.
It's pretty good, right?
I guess they're telling.
They don't ask you for money.
I'd rather a person be doing tricks and dancing
and asking for money than just listening to their fucking song
and inviting me into their own fucking party.
At the very least, I can justify the industrious attitude
of the young black kids dancing on the train.
They're trying to fucking make money.
I mean, that's part of their stick, which is like, oh, we're not going to stick you up.
And we're, you know, I hate that.
That drives me fucking crazy.
When they all say it at the same time, we're not going to stick you up.
Yeah.
Okay.
You got together on the thing, so maybe you would do the stick.
Like, all right, we're going to open with not sticking you up.
But that's the part of their speech.
It's like, yo, we're not out there. Call us in trouble. We're not out there robbing people. We just want to sell candy on the stick. All right, we're gonna open with not sticking you up. But that's the part of their speech. It's like, yo, we're not out there.
Call us a trouble.
We're not out there robbing people.
We just want to sell candy on the train.
So the implication is, if we look, give us money,
or we might have to rob you.
Yeah.
What do you want to fucking cookie for not robbing people?
The rest of us aren't robbing people.
We do have cookies if you want to buy those cookies.
$2.
But I was a young kid who was trying to make money.
Like, if I grew up in the city, I would have probably been dancing on a train.
So what would you do if you didn't have to make money?
Back in Louis, it was like the electric slide days.
Louis was doing the mockery now I'm like an art train.
You have to pull your way on to a dance train.
There we go.
I got moved.
You realize entertainer.
Where were you going with that before?
That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Look, I was one turn away from just having
it up dancing on the train.
You know on our stand, I was a fan of Ace of Bates.
I wouldn't have done anything.
All she wants is another baby.
Yeah, all I want is to dance on this train.
I can totally relate to just one want.
No, I'm not talking obviously.
I don't mean literally dancing on the train.
I mean, maybe I might have,
I don't know how to dance,
but I'm saying I could have, You just would have been a hustler,
as you're saying. I would have been a hustler.
I was a street hustler as a kid but I grew up in the suburbs
So take hard Monterey follow keep your eye
The street hustling in the suburbs was a fucking lemonade stand
That's all those little black kids are doing right now in the subway
It's their own version of a lot of the suburbs have gotten pussy. Yeah, it's a street hustling
Did you do anything when you were a young kid to make money Pete? Yeah, I had a paper route and
Yeah, yeah, I used to steal it and my mom's purse.
Yeah.
And did you ever steal bills out of her purse?
Yeah, yeah, like I mean, it was stupid, but my mom was a waitress.
It was only got food stamps.
I know, my mom was a waitress and so like that makes it even worse,
but she just always had loose money in her purse and I would be like,
she won't miss this five.
Yeah, she's always too loose money in her purse. And I be like, she won't miss this five. Yeah.
She's always too tired working a double to pay attention how much money she has.
Well, a little piece of shit kid to see my money at her purse.
Yeah.
And she earned from a double at Red Lobster.
And you were like a nice kid too.
Yeah, I was a good kid, but like, I mean, I was a good kid, but I also just was the kid
that didn't get caught, you know, like my brother and I would go out and vandalize the
neighborhood. And like, I mean, I guess I neighborhood and I got arrested for shoplifting several times.
But you're not sound like that good of a kid.
Yeah, really.
You vandalized the neighborhood,
shoplifted and stole from your mom.
Who was the bad kid?
My brother, because he ended up in jail.
He killed my mom.
Yeah.
One time me and my brother gang raped this girl at a party.
It was pretty crazy.
I got away with him.
Yeah, but it was like a real brother. raped this girl in a party. It was pretty crazy. I got away with it. I got away with it, bro, though. Yeah, I mean, but it was like really, brother,
you're going in for seconds, Jesus.
Well, like, like, I had my paper out
and my brother, this woman refused to pay me.
So my brother and I were like,
we're gonna ruin her fucking house.
Yeah, so we would like put like salami on her car.
So we'd eat the paint.
Yes, strip the paint when I was a good girl.
We'd soap her windows.
Oh, hilarious white guy, suburban fact to know. You knew that right away.
No, I used to do that. Yeah, he puts salami on it. It strips the paint right.
I know. It's my ex-boyfriend. Yeah, that's huge. You put salami on your ex-boyfriend's car.
You psych a path. He put her beside her pussy.
We did that to the neighbors on mischief night. That was a big one.
No, it's cabbage night. What did he do to you that you had to put salami on his car?
I don't know. I probably cheated on him. I don't give a shit.
You didn't remember. It was so important at the time that you
vandalized his property.
Oh, you know what he did?
But it wasn't something that was sick in your memory.
Fucked a girl that was like three lockers down for me and like made out with her
like two days after I had to fuck it.
I love school geography, three lockers down.
I was devastated.
Do you think super market employees have to deal with a lot of angry women coming in like
where's the Salami?
Where's your Salami sex every soap and salami?
Yeah, do you think that like when when a girl does that? She's like it's got to be blackboard, you know
Like it's gonna be organic
She's really selective about it. So I get the cheap shit
Sodium so so you would do fucked up. She cuz it's funny. You were a good kid
I was a bad kid and I would steal it for my mom
But I would never steal dollar bills any I would only take change that
was like this weird moral code that I had that I would just a poorer mom it's not a moral
good okay yeah that's not more about this I did Karen did you do anything fucked up as
a kid were you out there I was good you never saw from your mom no you eat your
mic a little bit pick your mic up or just the just the angle it's at as well. Yeah, no, I was a good kid. I didn't steal from my parents
You had a horrible child, but I can tell by the person you are today
What happened? I started drinking when I was like 12, but that's it
How did you know I guess that's a true I started started technically started. I mean, is it like, is it like,
stand up the first time you do it
then you've started?
Because I didn't drink regularly when I was 12.
But the first time I drank I think was 12.
Yeah, I mean, the first time I had a sip of alcohol,
but the first time I drank alcohol.
The first time I had a sip of beer I was probably seven.
I stole a beer out of my grandma's fridge.
Yeah, in seventh grade, what's that, 12, 11?
For me, 15.
15 on there. I got a beer from my grandma. I traded in some change I stole from my mom's car.
There's a nickel beer. In Wisconsin, there's actually a law that once you become 12 when you're at a bar, you can have a pony beer with a parent.
What? What's a pony beer? It's a tiny little beer. It's made of pony blood. It's like it's like a pretty fucking hardcore like an orange juice glass of beer and you can have one and between the ages of 12 and 16 you can
have it you guys can Google it. Today right now today you can yeah and then usually from 16 to like
21 you can't drink but like as a little kid you can have that. How near is that that they cut you
off from 16 to 21 from 12 to 16.
You're allowed to have that.
You got me hooked on pony bear.
Yeah, it's like, it's like a, it's one of those weird laws that like J.
Leno, you know, when you'd be like,
Yeah, he is a weird law in Wisconsin.
You're going to be when you 12, you're 12 to 16.
You know, like, like one of those things and it still stands and you go to a bar
and there's little kids with their pony bears and they can't wait to get their pony bears.
This is dumb warners.
She just typed in pony beer.
What else does it have to type in?
Wisconsin.
Wisconsin beer.
The pony beer law.
Something.
It's really French.
They do that in France.
Like in Europe, I think it's French.
You can just drink.
They say it's like 16 for beer and then 18 for
alcohol but if you're there at all it's just fucking
France they'll serve a fucking 13 year-old
we were our whole class was 15 and we all got wasted
every night with my teacher they don't care
oh yeah that was part of your normal childhood
that was actually gym class for you guys
well Karen to recovery like a legit straight-up recovery alcoholic.
That is the only person I know who's actually convinced me
that alcoholism might be as well.
It is real.
Yeah, she's educated me.
Because you also can do other shit
and you're not a problem,
but you have a fucking problem with that one.
It's very specific, yeah.
And so you're your first drink when you were 12.
What was your first drink?
Me and Jamie Chipmen were babysitting.
Oh Jesus. We took all the different alcohol. We didn't know what we were doing. We thought we're
making blood slides and we just got hammered and put the Playboy channel on and we're just like,
I don't know, hanging out. We're 12. Just watching me. Just hanging out. And this was you and another girl.
Yeah. Yeah. And where were the toddlers?lers? Sleep the other name started with K. I remember like one was named Kennedy and like we like passed out and like the parents
Did we could sleep there? It was bad. I mean, I don't think that we should have been left with those
So just 12 year old girls on unattended getting drunk watching playboy sounds like a party
Really Yeah. That was incredible. That was really obvious. What an exact joke.
Don't forget to say hello on to Taya.
Say, can you retell the story, Dino Lights?
Can you make yourself 14 so I'm not
Kelsey about this or Bob?
I'm Bob and it's the next day in
Excited Ballet class and I was in the Boston Ballet and
I was in like a really intense class and you have to jump for like 12
minutes just straight jumps
And I was like that was a hip-hop
Were you just in some guys apartment
Welcome back to ballet
And I ran to the bathroom I booted everywhere and my mom I must have smelled like booze
My mom was in total denial about it though. She was like oh you must have the flu. It's matter. Oh you must
Yeah, something that really smells like booze. Like all the alcohol, yeah.
Dave, what was the first time you drank?
I remember at, I mean, it's got to be something like
around that age, 11, 12, something like that,
but at my friend Michael Beals place,
and he had a really nice house.
Whenever anybody tells a story to him,
you have to give the first time a nice man.
I remember. I just had a quick aside story when that shit went down, when Ari did his last special. Whenever but anytime anybody tells I
Can just a quick aside story when that shit went down when already did his last special I remember actually having a moment with him and going like dude
What the fuck did you say her full name? Yeah, and he just goes
Dude you know like when you're telling a story and you're telling a story about high school instead of just going like my friend
Steve you go like Steve Wallachowski and it's just a better story
It's just that is a better answer
Anyone else we ever went what the fuck did he say your name? It's like no better story. It's just very nice. That is a better way to answer. And to anyone else who ever went,
why the fuck did he say your name?
It's like, no, no, no, no, to me that was a great answer.
But anyway, so this kid might go be like his father had like,
a fucking liquor cabin.
I think one of the only parents actually knew who had like,
it was like the most traditional out of a sitcom way
to get drunk for the first time.
But we thought the same thing as Karen,
we don't know what the fuck we did.
We took like one of the brown ones
and put it in some soda. And I don't know what the fuck we did We don't like take one of the brown ones and put it in some soda and I don't know what we drank
But I drank like four of them got fucking hammered puked. Yeah, thought it was awesome. Did you get in trouble?
Did you caught? I think a lot of he might have got caught like down the line a lot of what you do is
Depending on if you get caught early on doing it
You know, I'm saying if you get away with it a bunch of times. Yeah, like like I was already addicted to weed by the time my mom caught me. I was like, all right, too late,
bitch. We got to figure this out. I'm just good at smoke.
I got busted drinking early and then my parents got heavy on, like, on me about it. But
then this was pre-cell phones, pre-beapers on that.
Before you start playing guitar and stand.
I was right before I bought MMA.
No, but I would just be like, oh, I'm going to sleep over Mark's house.
I'm going to sleep over Dennis's house, whatever.
And there's parents home.
There's parents home, yeah.
And that was it.
That was their one, as long as parents were home, I could sleep out.
But then we would go in the woods and have kegs and get we were getting ripped when we
were like 16. Yeah, Fennel, you have that fucking like that
all-american like we used to do cagers in the woods vibe. Days to confuse basically
with my childhood. Yeah, we used to do fucking Cagparties in the in Prospect Park.
That's just sounds dangerous. There's black people everywhere. It was really
dangerous. Dude, I'm talking about people came. There were there literally were
fights because groups of black thugs came and just tried to like you know fucking rob people and shut their brawls. Cops would come with one. I'm talking about people came, there were literally were fights because groups of black thugs came
and just tried to like, you know,
fucking rob people and shut their brawls,
cops would come with wine.
I went, I went, me and Katie,
it was great.
It was so much fun.
When I met Dave Smith, I was dating the shakady,
who that's why I met Dave.
She was like, we all grew up in the same neighborhood.
Yeah, so be it some of those parties.
We would go to some parties in the park,
like late at night, we would be a Friday night,
like one o'clock in the morning, prospect park.
It was just, it was fucking pure cast it felt dangerous
Dude I straight I have felt and so many crazy stories from that fucking park
I grew up around there and Brooklyn
That's like if you're if you were like broke kids and that's where you went to the park
I mean I ran from cops I ran from fucking I ran from this fucking one time I was 14
We used to is I this is one of the least thing I'm I'm most not proud of in my entire life
But we used to run on cabs all the time.
That was a bit of a...
You tripped the black kidney, got shot to death, you got away.
It was a 90s.
Or always black lives matter shit.
I can be mattered.
I can breathe so good.
No, but we used to run on cabs like we'd go to the city to like some party and like come back,
you know, cab and just, we just take it to like somewhere near the park And just run into the fucking park and get free was like, you know, it's almost like free cabs looking back
And it's like, yeah, you know, you're
From a third world country. It's kind of fucked up, but I look to this day. That's how I'll kite a st
I have no proper
I almost did she cap the other day out of you have no sense of ethics
No, right? I here's what happened. I went to the stand, okay?
And I had that.
That's way too late in your life for there to be a ditch in cabs.
I had, well I was, I didn't ditch the cab, but I was going to.
I went to go get, I went to the cab and I didn't have any money on me.
So I went to go get my pay to pay the cab after I got there.
And I was like, oh, I was like, oh, I was like, let me give you my wallet or my card.
I'll be right back, I'm just gonna grab my pay.
And I was like, no, no, no, don't care, buddy, ahead. And I was like, well, I almost wanted to teach him a lesson.
He'd be like, you fucking moron.
You know what, your mind, it's like,
anybody could just walk away from your cab.
I got the cops caught on me when I jumped out of the cab.
Really?
Yeah, and they came into my door, and they were banging on my door.
And I was in a total blackout.
I was just wasted.
I was living in Queens.
And I got out there, and there was like two cops there,
and I just was like, hey, you guys want to come in?
And you're like, no. Hello, man. Is this the beginning of a story about how you there and there was like two cops there and I just like hey guys want to come in and like no.
Oh man.
Is this the beginning of a story about who you got double team like to us?
Oh you guys showed up in police uniforms, Kinky.
Come on in, who wants the butt?
Sounds like the deleted scenes from the teenagers getting wasted watching the kids.
Well dude, so I was in a, if you, now this used to happen it would always kind of be like you know we do like odds and
evens or some shit like that but whoever was in the middle seat, That was the shitty seat to be yeah, you fucking ran from a cap
Yeah, so the bitch now now now most of the time you go shit
We're in suburban roads you call shotgun and then not much. Well, yeah
But now in this day and age with feminism. It's called the person seat
Like bitch
Bitch, she's totally cool, too
Well, we none of us had cars.
This was the only, so we just huddled up and we were like,
oh, we're gonna do this and then it would be like a fucking
alright, who's gonna be in the middle.
But I was in the middle this time and 90,
I think at least 90% of the time you did this.
You just leave the doors open and you run,
and they're not expecting you to run.
And then they can't just ditch their fucking car,
but this was like that, that was a different like that was a different what was the movie though that this is it was straight out of it's
the one with the boys get raped in jail you're talking
yeah sleepers sleepers where it literally that's what this was this motherfucker
chased me for I mean I'm I mean I was a teenager so like I can run real
owner with you buddies I was with my buddies but we all ran into the woods I was you know I was you know I was you know I was you were a teenager so like I could run real owner with you buddies I was with my buddies, but we all ran into the woods. I was you know
I was I was I was I was I was I was I was in fucking I remember I was in I was in like Timberlands
And I'm running in the woods I'm like I jump over over a finger Dave just wigger wigger 90s hip hop Dave
I come to the fence and I'm running through woods
Just about running through woods like sticks every day and you know like yeah
We all split out in different directions, but I realized I mean
I think a good full 10 minutes of running this motherfucker and he's wearing like some Muslim sheet shit
And he's running and he's screaming at the top of his life
He goes I fuck you I fucking kill you and I'm fucking running like, and I'm looking down
and my shoes are kind of untied and shit.
I'm running as fast like, yeah, I'm sprinting.
This is like a PTSD nightmare.
I'm being like, if I fucking trip and fall right,
I'd be like, this dude wants to fight me to the death.
And we were like somewhere deep into the middle
of fucking Prospect Park.
And he just left his cab there.
I mean, he must have left his cab doors open forever.
Because I don't know exactly when I lost him,
but it was far into the park.
Yeah, far into.
Almost the exact same story except the guy didn't chase us.
Really, he did, but he like, he stopped after a second.
But the cops came.
We were going to visit my buddy's girlfriend,
who was like at a high school.
Like the other, he was like a ninth grader or at another high school. So we're like in the ninth grade. We like ditch school for the day
We we jumped out of the cab we ran down this hill and we went to the school like and it was like we're like it was like
There lunchtime we hung out with our you skip school to go to another school
Kids kids really do just crave structure
What do you want to do now that we skip school? I don't know go sign up for more classes
What I want let's go on at geometry
But when we left the cops rolled up on us as soon as we left and they were with the cab driver and he got us and we're like oh
Shit we don't have any money so they made they made me give him my middle school graduation ring
The cops made you do the middle school graduation ring.
Yeah.
Were you an Olympic swimmer in Brazil?
Where the fuck are those just?
I just really had their fucking hands around your neck in that school.
No, we had middle school graduation rings.
I have a show in middle school and I never got it back.
You got it.
Middle sand.
Oh, but you're obviously I'm the first one in my family
to catch my middle school.
That would have been so much.
I was cruising to my grandmother and my mother.
My mom told me when I was a baby,
you're gonna go get you one of those
elementary school rents, boy.
For the way you were back, you weren't a backer.
I never stole from my parents,
but we partied a ton.
We used to set leaf fires was a huge thing we used to do.
Around this time of year, not.
It's a big paddles and beat up freshmen.
Not, yeah. We used to tie. Around this time of year, not- It's a big paddles and beat up freshmen.
Not, yeah, right, yeah.
We used to tie kids to the fucking goalposts.
No, but like, Leaves fires,
was that a thing anywhere else?
Like, when everybody would rake their leaves
to the front of the yard for the town to come pick up
all the leaves, and we would just set the piles
of leaves on fire and run.
And every now and then, like-
Burn somebody's house.
There was a couple times where like
The fire would get a little high and there were still leaves on the branches and it would catch and
That's when I was like the all-american fun. It's like I never did anything like that
But you know we set some fires a couple times with a few babies in the house
You know nothing anything like to eat like all the nice guys are worse than us. I just know I'm definitely a couple of misdemeanors
You know arson
Drink in ponies we we started drinking early and like smoking cigarettes like I think I started smoking cigarettes like seventh grade
I was seven that's the time my parents thought I was smoking pop because I smoked a cigarette and I got nervous
And I went to my buddy's house and I we took his brothers Cologne and like sprayed a shit load of Cologne because we thought it would
Cover up the cigarette smell and then I went home and my parents are like you smelled
low to cologne because we thought it would cover up the cigarette smell and then I went home and my parents are like you smelled
It was basically a fucking Puerto Rican. Yeah, but uh, no, it was we just had yeah good old-fashioned American fun
You know set in fires a lot of mischief night shit a lot of like
Agging people's houses. Yeah crank hauling jerky boy shit was a ton of fun too. We did a bunch of that. That's all that's all gone now
Like you can't really prank on the color now. You can't that was a blast though. Yeah being anonymous and be just to call somebody
I've been trying to do a prank now, and it's just not working
I won't say who but I've been trying to book him on a gig like four hours away. It's a comedian and
He won't buy this no, I just want to fuck with him
I want a book. I want to saturday night gig like four hours upstate. Oh, God
And I have Michelle, but there be no gig. So you're trying to book scopo. No, it's not scopo on somebody else
It's fucking I scopo can't even get booked at fake rooms
Imagine he's like I fucking got there. No, it's there. He's like who books that you have?
I got a surprise. Imagine he was like, I fucking got there, Noah's there.
He's like, who blocks that, you ever see that?
I'm gonna send him my avail.
He's gonna bring six friends to get on my fake channel.
I'll try send him a video or...
Why can't you figure it out, just make a fake profile?
I did, I made a fake Twitter profile, I started to read nothing guys so much today.
I'm a fan.
I've been a month and a half, I've been setting it up and it's just, he won't bite.
He won't bite.
I'm like, hey, dude, would you come and do this show?
No answer.
I ask other people, like other comedians, if he checks my thing, there's like me asking
a bunch of comics in the scene if they're interested in doing this show.
Oh, that's, you know, there is a Twitter guy that's asking me to do shows, so I'm like,
is it me?
Yeah.
It's not you.
Are you catfishing me and then telling me?
And then I'm like well it can't be that guy.
It can't be two people doing this right?
I'm as far as that doesn't happen more often though.
It's such an easy because who would fucking check?
All it takes is a Twitter profile right?
And be like hey do you come and do my show
and fucking Pennsylvania I think you're great.
Why would you say this over the YKWD airwaves
to just to do it to every comic in New York City? my show and fucking Pennsylvania, I think you're great. Why would you say this over the YKWD airwaves
to just, guys, do it to every comic in New York City?
If you don't do your due diligence and check
and fucking make sure that it's a real gig,
I think you deserve the four hours wasted
in the night of comedy route.
Eight hours round trip.
Yeah, depending on where you're going, yeah.
Crazy dude.
Wow.
Wow.
World of story.
Ha ha ha ha.
If you hilarious, if you did that to the guy and he
went and then he just came back and he goes, Hey, how was your gig and goes awesome, I
recommended you. It sounds like this caliber comic is actually like when you do the con
and then you do you defollow him on Twitter, he's going to be like, shit, I lost one. Yeah.
He's got he's probably in the teens, you know
You're like number 17 is gonna be crushed to go back down to 16. Did you guys did you guys fuck with miss Jeff
Knight like here in the city like I
Wonder about the city I grew up in the suburbs and they call it something different in every city see we called it gate night
I've heard miss just miss you tonight. We call it cabbage night cabbage night cabbage night. Yeah, yeah
I don't know it's a Jersey thing really what was like to shit you did
We would just like fucking egg cars try to suck as many dicks as possible. It's pretty crazy
Guzzle come now
I'm so hot. I said that
Egg cars as they were driving by yeah girls don't really do that though. That's a good fucking guy
Wait, we're not on doors and runs. No girls girls girls will come
Did you ever do she like that Karen you go and throw exit cars and shit? No, we just got trouble
We just did like senior skip day. I mean people used to like hit mailboxes with baseball bats a lot of time
We just do that to so anything days and confused. Yeah, we fucking did. Yeah
Bob that's a lot of time. Yeah, we used to do that too.
So anything days and confused.
Yeah, we fucking did.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wasn't really into that stuff.
Rip people, rip like donuts on people's lawns.
With the other problems, I wasn't like a cool,
but when we were going out for like gate night
and then I for Halloween, I wasn't like a cool kid yet.
I was like in the eighth grade.
I was never really a cool kid to be honest.
You're a year away, bro.
But I was in the eighth grade.
All the upperclassmen, like, all of the cooler kids. Like, we'd be afraid of them. So like, I remember one year, like, was in the eighth grade. All the upperclassmen. All the cooler kids, like we'd be afraid of them.
So like I remember one year, like we had eggs and shit,
we had shaving cream and me and my buddy Mike and my buddy James,
we went around and we're like, yeah,
we're gonna fucking spray some stuff on the street.
And we got fucking jumped by these older kids.
And then like beat us up, but they fucking like beat us down
with eggs.
Dude, I remember socks filled with baby powder.
Just fucking like, just I'm talking about getting the jump jump done Halloween dude
I got fucking I got these kids dude one time surrounded us. It was so funny dude at um
I mean I
Stuff as a fucking
No, no, dude, we were gonna dress up. We were trying to be little thugs like that
And then just met like bigger better thugs and it was like we had like eggs and shaving cream and shit and I just remember we got surrounded by like
nine dudes and then one in the front he just goes you'll let me see that shaving
cream for a second we had to give it to him
to give the weapons to the people who they just shave in bunch of
you know what I was great. Brooklyn was horrible.
I like that you actually gave the shaving cream to people who
probably needed to shave. Oh, yeah. That guy could have genuinely
used shaving cream. You're like, okay, but seeing as how you're 17
and I don't have a dad, could you explain this to me after you
knew you know, so let me get those vitamin D capsules.
I'll take the bomb, Dana. Thank you very much. What was, what was, what was,
Mr. Fnai in Wisconsin?
Well, I mean, like, you, I was actually
thinking about, I, um, you were asking one,
one, like, the first drink was, and I was like,
I think it was with, you know, my dad
or something like that, but then I remembered,
um, we got this babysitter, because my mom
would work doubles.
She was 12 and heard, or hot 12, you were a friend,
got fucked up. Oh, wait a minute. So, that's babysitter because my mom would work doubles. She was 12 and heard her hot 12 year friend got fucked up.
Oh wait a minute.
So much.
That's babysitter.
And this babysitter was like a troubled teen.
Like she walked in the house and me and my brother were like, it's on.
Like we knew it was going to get crazy.
And she's like, do you guys mind if I throw a party?
And it was like classic way.
How old were you now?
I think I probably would have been around like 10.
And the babysitter was like 13 14
I think she was like 15 16 somewhere on there so like the perfect day she threw a high school kegger in the house and my brother
And I were like yeah like like and how old was your brother if I was 10 he was probably 14
So you guys had a babysitter when he was 14. Yeah, that's just kind of embarrassing for him
Well, he was fourteen yeah that's just kind of embarrassing for him well he was very responsible i mean he like he
my mom needed the babysitter more for him than me
uh... this is your new babysitter like we're in trade together
yeah
and
uh...
but yes i know her smell
so she she threw this huge party
and then my brother and one of his friends they were wrestling downstairs in the downstairs in the laundry room and there was this comforter on the ground.
I think it was cement floors and they put the comforter down so that it wouldn't fuck
them up even though that doesn't.
Anyway.
You're saying it like it's stupid, but I'm like, yeah.
I mean, they did that when we were like 24.
That's how the pros fight.
Yeah.
So it slid underneath the furnace and then it's all on fire and then our laundry room
It's all fabric caught on fire house caught on fire
Luckily, you know, there was no 9-1 one back then but a neighbor called the cop when was the way
So nine one one that to ring the trouble
The entire town came with buckets in all four of the
order in an assembly.
So I picked up my phone.
I said, operator, connect me to town.
If they could just see the fire.
Oh, shit.
Oh, man.
Switch off the show.
Guys, if we would have been legends, if we would have announced Rich Voster might have been some people watching Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, rincones de pelÃcula y un sincÃn de aventuras te esperan.
¡Fliparás!
Huelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.
Volotea.
Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. y a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer
a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a a la gente que se va a hacer a la gente que se va a Okay, roast battle. We're talking about being young kids.
Pete was just telling us a story about the first time he drank
was when his babysitter set his house on fire.
Yeah, she set the house on fire and then I ended up like sitting on the back of a fire truck
with one of those blankets like at the end of die hard.
That was the first and my mom was like, she was like, wow, you look really sick. You must be really sick from the smoke inhalation and I couldn't have not smelled like Jim beam and all the shit that I was drinking and and I was like
Yeah, yeah, all of smoke did your whole house burn down?
No, just a section of it and then they had to rebuild it and we got insurance money and stuff all of you I was like 10
Dude how long how did your parents go away for like a weekend or which she is there for a night and was like 10. How long? Did your parents go away for like a weekend or was she just there for a night and was like
we're throwing a fucking rager just for a night?
Well my dad went away forever and I showed you in the after room.
Yeah, my dad went, my dad left.
I talked about it on your show.
My dad left my family on Christmas and so that's when people always go, why are you fucked up?
You seem normal and it's that um why do you act like a Christmas
self all the time yeah why are you so insecure but then my mom you know she
worked at red lobster and she did her best but she was just always gone so she
dealt with a lot of blacks
they love red lobster
yeah right
either I was
conscious I think red lobster isers are a solid restaurant.
Okay, first of all, when you say a fact, it's not racism.
Sure.
That's not racism, if it's a fact.
So your mom worked at Red Lobster, okay, and you ended up doing shows at Red Lobster.
So, you're going to be like, oh, man, we did this.
Full circle, my house burnt down, you know, like five years ago,
so I know the fucking nightmare of dealing with a house
fund. Oh, guys, a fucking nightmare.
It's a nightmare. You got to go through, like, to get
everything back from the insurance company, you have to go
to stores and then have them do a blank, or it's a receipt
where you didn't really buy it, but they printed out with all
the value of it. And then you have to, you have to hand that into
the insurance company.
Yeah, that's when you work in That's when you were a kid. Now that we had an insurance adjuster come in
and went over everything, and I'm not lying
from fucking like little, from courts, like wires.
There must have been 10,000 things on this fucking list
of things that
Through everything from a pair of sneakers to a fucking to you know a vibrator inside of bed so
Two boxes and boxes and a firm somehow I tell you right after the fire
Right after the one thing that was still intact next fucking day. I came home and empty my closet from all the porn and you know the
vibrators and the butt you know and you just because I'm you know what the
firefighters in your town know and that you're looking at you know fucking
bitches of them a blue
surveillance video video. Don't thank some show. She's quick on some. She's. So.
You fucking destroyed on most battle last week.
Thanks.
She was so.
Karen was excellent.
I'm such a big fan of her.
Not her just her demeanor on stage when she when you want it and the way you just.
You beat her not only would it with with your body just a way like,
huh?
Do you like my body better than her body?
No, no, not in the crazy.
Have you seen Caitlin Bailey's party?
No.
Oh, are you kidding?
You think with clothes on there,
she's killing it.
She talks about prostitution, right?
And you just laid into her.
But what would it cost,
like if I wanted to fuck one of her
noctials, do you think it would be?
Can she cut you a deal if you only want one?
What we're doing now, we're starting next week, Dexuza,
the Rosemasters tournament, both Pete Lee and Karen are both
competing in the tournament.
Top 16 in the way.
It's going to be 16 battlers in the first round of the tournament.
Eight battles in one night.
Karen gets a rematch for her battle that would viral.
Yeah, well battle with that.
Against Zach and Nico.
You know, Paul, Paul, Paul, some of the battle with Karen versus Zach.
You had some good ones.
I thought it was your battle with Anorexia.
Yeah.
Is that really a battle?
Anorexia is killing it.
When you guys are fucking, is she ever like, will you turn on your roast master's voice?
You know, like, who's roast?
You get this voice that's just amazing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Who, who's that?
Oh yeah, alright, yeah, alright.
I was talking about you and Scopo.
That's so mean.
Yeah, house fire.
Yeah, no, they went viral in the first battle and the second one was in a
rematch
Why do we have to watch this? Because you did a great job in this. Well, what do you call viral?
The Zach one. They're almost three million views. That's kind of like that.
That's viral. What is it? I'd say I mean I don't know if it's a definition
But if like to me at like half a million or more, I'd start going that one
Depending on what it is, too. Yeah, I mean I see some somebody's cooking things on Facebook to have 20 million fucking views.
I know what they're doing is making eight plan.
This is yet two and a half million views.
Fast forward, pass me though.
Go to where's that can carry on our on stage.
I mean, I just take a little shot.
We show one where I do well.
I'm just, and the fucking,
Lauren, make sure you don't get in the way.
I'm gonna show my name's Gopo.
Oh shit.
I thought I'm never gonna be able to get a baller
because I'm standing next to you. How did he take a battle between the stripper and the bouncer? We should might have scope of that
How did he take a battle between the stripper and the bouncer
They look like they could be on an island in a bug bunny car Yeah, Joe did it. First, I think we get the gist.
Yeah, and if you have a competition right here,
say it.
I fast-forward a little bit more.
Zach, go to your first set of f**k.
Yo, you got nothing to be nervous about, Zach.
It's 2 million people, I know.
It's just the two ladies that came with us.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, God.
Ah!
Oh, God.
Ah!
Ah! Oh, God! Oh, God, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, he's like, he's shaking your ass for it, not in a sexual way.
I was the highest T-cell count on the A4.
Yeah, I don't like the joke part so much, but when you dance like that.
You open your mouth and that's where it goes.
It ends there, it ends there.
Wait a minute, you can give it to me.
It's just killing me.
This is a horrible tornado, is anyone here?
It's like, it's okay. It's okay. I don't like his body.
I don't like his bouncing fucking his like his arrogance.
I wish that tie was hanging from a rafter.
I don't like the tie would rip, dude.
No, yeah, the rafter will come down.
Guys, Karen Feahann is a real pro.
A lot of comments get butterflies in their stomach
before they go on stage, but not Karen.
Because all of her butterflies have drowned in black guys' come.
All right, you can go.
So, yeah, she got funky. you guess floated in the battle.
That's his idea of dressing up.
He just looks like he just worked a shift at a restaurant.
Yeah, at a restaurant.
At a fucking, I can't think of anything.
Like a magic man.
Somewhere funny.
Nice battle.
That's so, it's her stage persona.
Yeah. That's your stage persona.
Well, here's the thing, in the first battle against Zach, he was the underdog.
When you just look at them on the street because he's a big fat ugly guy and you're a little
hot chick, right?
So he's an underdog, the audience is rooting for him, but you know, what do you mean he's
an underdog?
He ends up being the underdog.
So, wait, are you saying hot as a comic or as a nerd?
No, you just mean in life he's kind of the underdog.
I'm saying that the and it's one of the reasons why this
battle went viral.
The narrative is this big fat nerdy guy is battling this
hot fucking cool chick.
And when I say it's an underdog in life.
Like that's a story about like and that's what it's
titled nerdy nerdy comedian destroys hot comedian.
No, yeah, no, of course. So so but now it's switched though because now you
got killed so bad in that last one I feel like people are perceiving you as
being the underdog now going at Zach who's this dude who's supposed to fucking kill
you you're going against him again yeah the first one here's why I'm worried about
you Karen okay yeah let's say you were a boxer and you got knocked out and then
you were fighting that guy again and then Lewis was like let's look at some of the tape and you were like no, this is so torturous for me
I'd be like I don't think that guy should fight him again
Yeah, so what are you gonna do?
To take Zach Amiko out this time
Don't get in my head already see do you understand why I'm betting on Zach Amiko now?
That's me all the time though. He like you psyched me out. You make me wait hold on when did I psych you out? Before the battle of Caitlyn. And what happened? I won. I risked my case. Wait a
second. How could he of anybody do psych you out? He's like a zero zero.
I know. I mean, I like it. I really do like them, but Rich, remember that one bit you like no, listen she Karen
Karen respects me, okay? What made what may seem like a 0.0 to a legend like yourself?
Okay, you're not actually measuring what up my Fox News poll
Listen, no, I think I think you're good on red eye when I can't sleep
He puts it on to low himself to sleep
Do you think maybe next time and this is none of my business, that row
spaddle can maybe keep the judging down to three or four or maybe just an odd
number. Yeah, I mean six was so many. I mean seven because you're meekers too.
So you're meekers. Oh yeah.
You just think it's so bad.
Because I don't have time. I got a spot. I got a rush through this. And I like it. Don't get me wrong. I'm a blast. I'm really excited. Because I don't have to climb. I got a spot. I got a rush through this.
And I like it.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm a fan.
I'm a fan.
You had the line of the night that night
when she said, oh, I can't talk because I ate an edible.
And you said, oh.
You said, what was it, a meatloaf?
I'm just going to be like, what's the funny thing?
I even fell out of my chair.
No, I don't know.
I mean, it's so fun and mean.
It's just.
You love the shows.
You come and you judge them almost every time.
I'll judge every week if I could.
I'm in town because that's what I like to do.
That's us hanging out.
Well, also, everyone's working on their act.
It's nice to kind of step aside.
And just it's like Mike Vicki owned a scribe to best. It is, it's nice to kind of step aside. And just, it's like, Mike Vicki, I'm described it best.
It is, it's just, it's like an exercise in writing.
You know, you get to really just kind of sharpen those skills.
And, you know, it's very bulbous.
He's very New York, and OLA started it,
but it has a New York vibe to it.
Okay, LA started, you know, enough with,
look, when I do comedy 101, she, here's the problem
with comedy 101 and roast battles.
Comedy 101, you can hit a buzzer and stop them right in the middle. 101 see here's the problem with comedy 101 and roast battles comedy 101
You can hit a buzzer and stop them right in the middle. So it's hard when you're doing roast battles till
Your mindset is let's trust these motherfuckers right from the beginning. Yeah, you know what I mean But you gotta let them you know
Fucking establish who they are get some jokes out before you know you could tack and before they go on
But you got to let them get some stuff out, but on one on one it's boom boom boom. Yeah, you know and what and I
Read some stuff and I'm sure Tony Henson was pissed. Yeah, well guess what you know what we were doing that fucking show
At the comic strip when I auditioned six years ago
Longer than that when I auditioned it was ago, and longer than that. When I auditioned, it was probably eight or nine years ago.
The trees was one in the judges.
Okay, so I don't know his show, and I don't know him.
I just saw him on a clip saying that,
first of all, Ron would never steal anything.
Ron is one of the most original voices in comedy,
one of the coolest guys.
So comedy positive as well,
supports everybody in comedy.
So I'm not, I don't know this guy. All I did was see the clip or listen to him on Rogan and
That's been done
Fucking so what was he complaining about you saying that you guys took his idea?
You can you can play you probably find that clip of him. Yeah, Tony Henscliff was on Rogan show with Brian Redband
And I and I've done both comedy 101
Both those guys have been on Legion show with Brian Redbent and I and I've done both comedy 101 and I'm gonna both
those guys have been on Legion's and I've done Killtony as well and they're
both great shows. It literally is just two guys came up with similar ideas and
like I said if anyone's gonna complain the comic strip can go what do you
what the fuck you talking about it was the exact same format and it was a
web show they taped it for the web back in the day and you do your audition and
then the comedy judges will tear you a new one. And we tear them to a new one. Sometimes as they were going. It's American Idol. It's
for us on the standing. It's every. Yeah. You're just taking that and put it into a club.
I think Tony, look, I think at the end of the day, it's something that's a very popular
podcast in that format. So I think he was just kind of like, Hey, I'm doing this and
he was, it rubbed in the wrong way that somebody else was doing something similar
But I know for a fact I was there for the first comedy 101. Nobody ripped anybody off
It just can't it can't really no matter what you are even if someone did something like eat
Someone always did an idea like this before that before that no one owns the idea of doing a show like that
And it's also the voices of the comedians that kind of, you know, you think whatever format it's,
it's Ron's funny that makes it comedy 101.
It's a very different show than Killtoni.
And Killtoni's an amazing fucking show.
It dude, you would do it and you would have a fucking.
Oh, I would love to do it.
But last is such a great show.
Me and Bonnie, our podcast, you know,
we're a husband and wife and we told Tom Sagarra and his wife to cease and assist.
Is that it?
She's a dissist.
She's a dissist.
The husband and wife think, even though they did it before us,
we can know that.
We can love it.
We told them.
We said, listen, we told them, we said, be doing this. We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this.
We're going to be doing this. We're going to be doing this. We're going to be doing this. a husband they were first and on a husband and wife podcast we do one
Jenna elf man or whatever does one with our husband so everything has been fucking done exactly like we'll lose a thing it's about how how who the people are and how good the thing is I mean if you look
like tough crowd that was a great show because of who the comics were there's been a lot of shows where
they've had a format of people sitting around this is is tough crowd. We thought this is the same thing.
Yes.
Camera, a bunch of comics talking about social issues and politics.
It's, you know, that format.
No, this isn't tough crowd.
I can't understand the host.
No, no.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Before you're tough crowd, like people saying, well, Bill Mar was for, but tough crowd
open up to door for comics to go on TV and track each other in the middle of
politics and pop culture, right?
In the middle of it, we would just start smashing each other.
It was almost a roast and a pop culture show together.
To compare it to Bill Marsting, Bill Marsting was such a Hollywood version of that.
Bill Marsting was like, celebrities pretending this is what a green room conversation
would be about.
Tough grad was like an actual green room conversation.
Which why hasn't Colin brought that show back?
Maybe because there's no word to land it.
You can't bring it back unless it's picked up.
Nobody would want to pick up.
Yeah, you fucking jerk off.
I think I understand the goddamn concept,
but I mean, they wouldn't want to fuck off.
That's hard to hear in the hassle. Yeah, really. Who was the fucking bathroom? I didn mean they wouldn't want to fuck you. It's hard to hear an asshole.
And now, really, put him in the fucking bathroom.
I didn't mean to like that.
No, you did.
Now listen to me.
Listen.
Fuck an asshole.
I love rich.
I can't.
See, this would have been a good episode.
No, what I'm trying to say, middle.
Ah!
I mean, I'm middle.
I'm middle.
And the middle of what I'm trying to say I lost my I need me to call
that.
Got you.
Collins moved on.
That was 10 years ago.
Collins has done how many one man shows it all brilliant.
You know, it was great in the moment.
And so many people I watched.
I watched Keith the cop pitch.
Colin in the literally elevator pitch in front of me trying to get him to bring
Was it is uncomfortable just listening to you describe this it was uncomfortable trying to give him to bring to
Compound media, by the way, she says no, I don't think Colin likes doing pop and I also say like just begging with I remember when I the two guys
I feel like got at the most work Colin about tough crowd and a tell about insomniac
We'll always be like when are you gonna bring this back?
And the whole reason those two guys are great comics is
because they don't have the mentality of,
let me go do the last thing I did again.
And they're trying to do some new shit.
That's the same reason why, how many times have you heard
David Tell doing a fucking joke from 10 years ago?
Why the fuck would he go do his show from 10 years ago?
I know, you can't recreate history.
Of course, I wouldn't see Colin on it,
but I could see him producing it and letting
younger, you know what I mean?
It would essentially be like a podcast.
I mean, so many of those exist now.
I was saying this recently, it's like you look at the view.
Just literally shut your eyes.
The view is just a podcast.
Like, if you look at these guys, it's the view.
It's all bitches sitting around a table having a conversation.
If you just close your eyes, what is it?
It's just a fucking podcast. Yeah, it's all kind of like
If you just want to ask
What is this more than a podcast?
But if you really think about all podcast art is just a fucking verbal
Episode of the view because the view was before every fucking podcast.
Right now.
So, and those talks, you know, but Bill Marshall was not at all like Tough Crowd because
they would just argue politics and the liberal audience would just, you know,
fucking pander to whatever left wing fucking clown was on that show.
But Colin Scho had a mixture of very, very passionate conservatives and very, very
passionate liberals and they would go at it and the audience wasn't leaning
towards one way the audience wants to laugh. Yeah and Colin didn't make it
about Colin. Yeah. He let it be about his guess. If you could bring one guy back
from the dead Patrice of Greg D' Deraldo go you get the choose oh God from the dead yeah uh... my career
i have had had had had had had that's creepy i mean
i was good friends with patrice i was wake up i mean hello goodbye with
your all the friends but i mean i would talk to patrice on the phone for an
hour two hours a night so to all though
so uh... got more to learn from
i don't know i mean but I kind of got everything I got for
particular. That ship sailed. You can't redo the past to quote you.
Toronto was great. He's the best roaster out of all of them.
He was but he was but so much. But I just did an article today in
some newspaper. And every time Patrierice the first word out of my mouth
is Patrice when they're talking about Patrice and then I'll go stand hope.
You know when I'm talking about fucking great.
Oh, stand up is still alive.
No, I'm talking about great comics.
Yeah, no, you're out.
And Patrice stand up.
These are guys, you know, Colin that you leave the fucking show and you'll go, you know
about them.
You know how they feel. And don't get me wrong, there's great comics to do.
Just jokes and you're going, man, that's a great joke.
That was written, that structure is funny,
but you leave the show, you go, it was funny.
But when you leave a fucking stand hope
or a Patrice show or Colin or DePaul,
you know what I mean, DePaul,
you know something about them.
There are more than like,
it's almost more than being a standup comedian.
Those were the guys who like, something would happen.
And you'd almost like, you'd want to hear their take on it.
Like, I remember that was one of the things after Patrice died when these things, when
they made that video, for what every reason this just stuck out with me.
When they made that cat calling video, that was about a chick, this white chick walking
through the hood, getting black dudes cat calling her.
I was like, motherfucker, I would just love to hear Patrice just now.
This right now, he would, he would just rip this apart.
And it was more than just an ability to write jokes.
It was like the fuck you just wanted to hear what that dude's opinion was.
And the best was when you can make Patrice laugh so hard, you know,
and I've seen comics do it. And you watch him.
He was, he had such a laugh that generated throughout, you know, his aggressiveness and
his bulliness and his meanness didn't even come close to his fucking electrifying laugh
if he thought something was funny.
And I'd been in rooms where he just fucking fell off the chair laughing at somebody and it was
electrifying watching that everybody goes while he was on me he was just
set up he was fucking he was he had his own demons it was a wall he's gonna
fucking beat you down like we all are just to fucking hide whatever's fucking
destroying us do you get what I'm saying?
But Trees had his own demons, but...
Not me.
Pete doesn't have demons.
He's got a pretty strong voice.
He has a fire man that touched him under a blanket.
You don't think?
Okay.
So, my dad left on Christmas.
To go get more toys!
You can do that!
You're so beautiful. High five family! more toys. You can do this real quick. I got to run. You can still get 141 IQ on iTunes.
My fourth grade CD, 141 on iTunes. But in a week or two, when did you hold on? When did
you release 141 IQ? Yes, did you. You just released this fucking CD. I'm going to tell
you what's going on. You're releasing another cd right now let me explain
that what they're going to
one forty one iq was done two years ago i made it two years ago
and i was selling it at clubs and then i had a deal with serious
serious was buying it out right
for three years
one year exclusive now the deal with it took seven months to put the
deal together. So that's two years in with the CD already out or a year and a half with
the CD out. Serious, not maybe a year with the CD out, then the deal with serious, the
exclusive deal was up in July. So I said, well, let me put it on iTunes for people that didn't get it. So it was out.
It's been out for, they had it for a year.
It's been out for two years.
So that two years, why it was going through.
The amount of time we're taking to explain this, another CD just dropped for resume.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, for me to put it out through serious and have them have for I made was working on my next CD.
Yeah.
Which is ready and it's been it's already done.
I'm just waiting for the copies and to get it on serious and iTunes.
This was a delay.
This was just the 141 IQ was just for people that don't have to remember a couple months ago
debuting in the top five and iTunes.
No, to number one.
I'm still the top five. Yes, top five was pretty accurate. Okay. And the one that you put on is in the top five in iTunes. No, number one. I'm still the top five.
There was nothing.
Yes, top five was pretty accurate, Rich.
And the one that you said top one, you're going to be.
Top 200 iTunes.
And the one before, still empty inside, was number one.
OK, this one's going to be number one.
I'm going to have three number one CDs on iTunes.
You know why?
Because I work hard.
I work hard.
Hillary, you have two minutes to rebuttal.
hard. I work hard. Hillary of two minutes to rebuttal.
Did she not seem like every girlfriend that said okay I'm keeping the dog get out with me.
Like you know I know it's your house but you're gonna have to move. She seemed like every girlfriend that's done that to me. Yeah.
All right well listen. Yeah rich for half of everybody.
Rich boss. I was saying well listen. Yeah, that's boss guys. Yeah, Rich for half a buddy in here.
Rich boss.
Thank you.
I was saying that.
See, number five, it's called Rich Boss Roman Noom Rule
Five, week two weeks, I'm out.
Killer man.
All right, do you guys want to do these plugs now,
with you?
Yeah, later buddy.
Later boss.
All right, let's get these plugs out of the way.
Why can't we be podcast rich boss always happy to have him here guys.
Draft Kings guys draft kings at draftking.com.
You don't need to come in first place to cash in the player who finished 800th in week one's
biggest fantasy football contest took home hundreds of bucks this weekend.
Draft Kings is hosting another huge fantasy contest with only over one million dollars
in total prizes up for grabs.
DraftKings is the destination for one week fantasy football.
One week fantasy means no season long commitments.
Play whenever you want with the players you want.
Just pick one contest, draft your team,
and follow the action live.
Renew old rivalries with friends, family, and coworkers
to find out who the superior GM really is.
Whatever your level of fantasy expertise,
DraftKings has something for everyone.
Now don't wait, go to DraftKings.com now
and choose your players for this weekend's contest.
Enter promo code Kelly and play for free
with your first deposit.
That's promo code Kelly to play for free
for your share of over $1 million in total prizes this weekend.
Only at DraftKings.com, DraftKings.com.
Eligibility restrictions may may apply see website for details
little fucking fantasy football action
and
let's get this cast per mattresses guys
i don't know if you guys heard of this by the way that read was to shorter than
riches last story
and story. Madeless money. Go to richvoss.com and use a promo code to wrap it up for a dollar off his CD.
Casper is a sleep brand that created one perfect mattress sold directly to consumers, eliminating
commission driven inflated prices.
Its award-winning sleep surface was developed in-house, has a sleek design, and has delivered
in a small, how do they do that size box?
In addition to the mattress, Casper also offers an adaptive pillow and soft breathable
sheets.
The mattress industry has forced consumers into paying notoriously high markups.
Casper is revolutionizing the mattress industry by cutting the costs of dealing with resellers
and showrooms and passing the savings directly to the consumer.
An in-house team of engineers spent thousands of hours developing the Casper.
It combines springy latex and supportive memory foams for a sleepy surface that got just
the right sink and just the right bounce.
Plus it's breathable design, sleep's cool to help you regulate your temperature throughout
the night.
Matresses can cost well over $1,500, but Casper Matress costs only $500 for a Twin Size Matress, 600 for a Twin
XL, 750 for a full, 8.54 queen, and 9.54 king. That's like half the price of a
mattress. It's crazy. What? Buying a Casper Matress is completely risk-free.
Casper offers free delivery and free returns with 100-night home trial. If
you don't love it, they'll pick it up and refund you everything. Casper understands the importance of truly sleeping
on a mattress before you commit,
especially considering you're going to be spending
a third of your life on it.
Is that all we keep mattresses?
I think so.
A third of our life flows.
Just keep it mattress?
A third of your life you sleep.
Oh, I get it.
There we go.
I thought you'd buy one mattress for 30 years.
What?
Really?
What garbage you are.
That's where you're buying the way.
Is that, yeah, that sounds about right? I guess the'm throwing it alive. My last mattress was about 33 years.
I guess I'm in sweat. I think I got another 20 years of my mattress.
That's so weird. The Casper is an obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price.
It combines spring and latex and supportive memory for them to create award winning sleep surface
with just a right sink and just the right bounce.
I'm reading this all again, guys.
I know this is not right.
You're starting over.
You're not getting over it.
No, no, no, no.
They told me they told me that I have to read
every single part of it.
Bobby likes to read the old thing.
Okay, all right, I'm gonna do it.
Just trying to make Valses stories on shorter.
Time magazine named it one of the best inventions
of 2015 and award-winning
mattress that won't disappoint. Free shipping and returns to US and Canada, try Casper
for 100 nights risk-free in your home. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up and
refund you everything. Made in America. And let's see. Please note that this is all for
only applicable to the purchase of the mattress. Okay, I get $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting Casper.com slash dude and using
the code dude.
Okay, that's it.
Okay, thank you.
That was terrible.
If you bought a mattress at the start of this, you already need a new one. That's a lot. I'm going to be honest with you guys, you guys should have come up with
a better system. That's not our mattress. It's a, it's a, it's, I mean, it sounds like an
awesome mattress. It does actually sound. By the way, I have a chance to say that. Do you
have one? Did you get it because of Bobby? No. You got it before. I got it before.
Chris Gopo joins the show everyone
All that ass why why had you hear about a Casper mattress and why'd you buy it? I just heard about it And I was like I needed a new mattress for my apartment when I moved in and what size do you have I have a queen?
Yeah, I don't know any dude. Have you slept in a fucking twin mattress? You have a full size right?
That's not a good. How do you guys know? Are you fucking crazy?
Wait, wait, wait.
Did you get angry at him for pointing out that you guys are fucking and then you went,
so you have a whole bunch of things.
How do you, how do you share that with another person?
Why do you always wake up before seven?
Right there.
I'm off the hook, right?
Why do you fucking have to.
Snow with your eyes open.
Also, okay, so let's just keep the podcast moving.
Can't, are you fucking anybody else's?
I'm certainly us or no.
Uh, shit.
Yes.
No, it's only a full, feels full size with neuro-net,
because you're so big when I marriage,
it feels very big.
No, no, no, no.
You think that's a queen size mattress?
Yes.
You're out of your fucking skull.
You have a little shitty,
but Karen's a much smaller person than you.
Yeah. But it proportionately to like, what it's nice's nice like I'm fucking like almost six three if I'm on a fucking mattress
Like that. I'm like fucking hanging off the ends of it, but if I was teeny I'd be all right
Yeah, but Dave you need just a really long mattress. You don't need a wide match
No, you fucking retard. I have arms. Okay. It doesn't matter how fat you sleep
You need room to make're making a snow angel.
If I was tiny, I wouldn't need a big fucking match.
Whether you're skinny or not,
you could be seven, five, and fucking a hundred pounds.
You're still gonna need a shoe.
Can I tell you that?
Because I've been fat and I've been in shape.
It's a big difference when you're wider.
The first one's like 90% of the time.
Dave's argument is like, what's the wing span on the
It's got the wing span of a bald eagle
They just seems with chicks like multiple chicks under each arm. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, I'll give him a go with Karen's answer. That's pretty cool. Yeah, no
But I can't I mean sleeping on a small bed with another person is just a
fuck I hate you know what I hate I hate when a girl tries to snuggle with
Oh God
Oh God
She's a liar
Are you when I'm sleeping?
All your teens are finally coming out
Do you really say that?
No I'm five foot wide.
I'm like, I'm full ice man.
I really like being cuddled sometimes.
Shut up, you're so good.
If you lose, say you be big spoon.
All the time.
Oh, dude, that's not true.
I've never said the word, GB big spoon.
You guys, you sleep well.
You got that at man's side.
Hold on, I say snuggle with my butt.
That's not true.
I sometimes have sex to get to the snuggling.
I love it so much.
You must have the fucking.
I love it so much.
Yeah, just give it to a real good sister.
Oh, yeah, this is great.
Hurry up.
No, I really do.
Thank you.
You know why? I get hot, right?
So after I'm done, even if I'm not having sex,
like just when I'm going to sleep
I start to get a little bit hot and I want to like just push away. Yeah, I hate that no matter where fucking
No matter what happens
But whenever I wake up for the first time in the middle of the night
I'm always on the fucking edge of the bed and the chicks like right next to me over here with like 80% here
And it's always because like I started cuddling her here and then I rolled this far over and then like she followed me and followed me.
You got like tight back over here and you got it like.
Alright, what are we doing?
I'm going over there.
Yeah, I mean Emily and I, we had auditions today and I had a shoot and then we went back
to my apartment and like she just like snuggled up against me and her, the warmth of her
body just put me out.
So I fell asleep until like 7.30
p.m. because I was snuggled. Really? I hate it. I hate it. Dude, you fall asleep. You
just read it. I'm just having a dream of your face press against the window on Christmas
morning. Watching dad leave staring at footprints. When there was one set of footprints in the snow, it was mom, because you like... You put a different death score.
You piece of shit.
But what about when there was only one set of footprints pop?
That's fuck what I know, okay?
Quit bugging me.
I don't know, I figured out, fact.
Yeah, no, I can't do it.
I'm out of stock.
So Lauren, you don't like snuggling anymore.
No, I had a guy recently trying to snuggle me.
It was too big and it's suffocating. Lauren, that's rape. To get the fuck off of stock. So Lauren, you don't like snuggling anymore. No, no, I had a guy recently trying to snuggle me. It was too big and it's suffocating.
Lauren, that's rape.
To get the fuck off of you.
It's not going to rape.
It gave a guy tries to go in your nook.
I stopped sleeping with one eye.
Because he tried to cuddle up in my nook.
And I'm like, you little, I know I don't even
have a nook to spare.
What, you know, like, what could you even fit in there?
Yeah, I just remember, I never went to sleep either.
I was just staring at him.
I'm never gonna see him. I threw went to sleep either. I was just staring at it.
I'm never gonna see.
No, you threw his leg over me and I'm just sleep.
Dude, I can't handle.
It's too hot.
I guess hot.
I gotta get it away.
Yeah, and then I can't sleep and then I just get
the fuck out of there.
I'm not even against like snuggling for a little bit.
I'm just saying to sleep like that.
No, it's too for me.
We can snuggle for, let's cut it.
Let's fuck it.
Let's get the fuck away. We're's watch a movie and fucking cuddle.
And cuddling and then sleeping.
Yes.
Two different things.
I think there should be like a transition.
It should go for fucking cuddle for a little bit.
I'm fine with that.
That was great.
Thank you very much.
I go the opposite.
I go cuddle, then sneak my finger inside of her
while she's cuddling.
Then we fuck, then get away.
That's because your story started with a girl saying,
I'm definitely not going to fuck you. Okay. That's because your story started with a girl saying I'm definitely not gonna fuck you
Let's just cuddle baby
But out but like cuddling watching a movie or something like that like that. I can't fall asleep without a dick inside me
It's like Sominix
I also can't wake up without a dick. It puts it, it puts it around and then brings it back to life. Coffee.
No.
Good morning.
Do you, uh, Fanoi, you're married.
I don't, I, I'm here though five nights a week.
What's going on with that?
Is that, are you, are you, I don't know, I don't really
ever talk to you about your like wife and shit.
That has to be ending at one point, right?
Not.
I don't, it won't.
It just won't.
It's like it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's with their fucking guest cuddling that they do fucking every night they bring to you. My just has big small talk with whoever's there to bang Jane. I just
have one pillow over my head just shaking. I'm like, so do you like stuff?
As you imagine, Christine snores with her laugh. Oh God. So many people moved
out of my building because of Christine. No, dude, it's yeah, we're still going
I'm gonna kill him one day
When I open Carla
Your wife must feel it feel pretty secure that if you ever did even bring a girl home to your apartment the Christina J. Woodfucker
Yeah, it's like bringing a hi-jacker. It's like bringing a fly to a spider web. They're gonna get it first
No, my wife and I five three years now of living separately hanging out a day a week and it's amazing and we're still going to every now
I don't like you and it and we're like now
Let's just keep it up to go on all right.
And she actually-
Are you still in love and love?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, tote.
Dude, he's got a really healthy weekend marriage.
What's wrong with that?
It's fucking great.
I love it.
That's better than I've ever been.
I've ever been.
You know, I bet the sex is probably great.
Phenomenal.
Yeah, you guys aren't getting annoyed with each other
because you just spend so little time with each other.
You're getting annoyed with each other. you just spend so little time You're getting annoyed with each other
I see her uh, yeah, I've got it down to like I'm working every day on the show and then I'm doing spots at night
And then Friday night lately I drive home. Yeah, we hang out Saturday and
Half a Sunday and I come back to the city and do it all again the next week
Can I tell you I'm giving you shit? That sounds like the ideal relationship to me. Yeah, it literally sounds like the real-
It really is great.
You don't have to get into a tiny fucking battle
the time while she's trying to call it a way of size.
Dude, if I can literally get down on one knee
to a woman and go, baby, I love you.
And I want to marry you.
Now hear me out, I'm gonna live with Big J.
But.
But we can totally make a run of this thing on the weekend.
You know what's kind of funny too,
is she was like, you know what, if it was guys I didn't know,
it's no big deal, but since it's Jay,
it's totally cool.
Jay is worth them anyone to tell areas about it.
It could have been like,
Joe List and fucking, you know, like anybody,
but it turned out she's like,
oh, I know Jay, I love Jay,
like they like each other a ton,
like they want her to hang out more
because it'd be fun to do shit,
but she's busy doing her thing.
Dude, they're trying to fuck her way.
We're having a great,
I know, that's one thing. That's one thing. I think I trying to find us. We're having a great, I know. They're trying to find her where.
That's one thing. How do you think I never invite her down here?
Don't forget her.
Maybe the four of us, I'm like, don't ever say that again.
Now they're trying to get in on your weekend National Guard
marriage.
Did I win the gift card?
You should.
I think you're going to stay in the gift card.
I have a good time.
I have a good time.
Yo. I got a rock and roll. But before I go, if it's cool, could I, uh, I'm gonna be doing November 11th and 12th. I'm recording an album at Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington.
And we say you know something different, what do you mean?
Well, so what we're doing is I'm using. Yeah, it's just no laughs throughout the whole.
I'm using all local Burlington Vermont elements to make the album. So I hired, I don't
know if you can bring up like Mike, no way.com. I have a picture. An artist Bruno Tracy from Burlington
made the poster art and he's doing the album artwork. I'm using tank studios from Burlington
for the recording, the mixing,
the editing, like the pressing. We're donating two dollars from every ticket sold to the
Waterwheel Foundation, which is a Burlington Vermont charity that gives like money to
like local charities to help raise you know for kids. And if you scroll up, it's a Ponzi
scheme though. Yeah. If you go back to home and then scroll that's the poster the kid made for the like how fucking cool
That is it's a surre bottle hiking around Burlington
My silhouette is up in the moon up there. Yeah, you really are fucking potted
It's a mushroom thing
But and then on on November 11th is veterans day so we're doing a free show for all the veterans in
Burlington so everybody can come come and enjoy the show for free.
But what I wanted to do is utilize all the local talent in Burlington and try to...
So then when people come, not only are they going to a show, but they'll be able to...
They're giving back to local community.
Fourteenth star Brewery is sponsoring it as well.
It's going to be pretty much all local openers and shit like that.
We're gonna use a local pressing for the albums. I just think it's kind of cool to why not just utilize all the resources in that city.
Nate and Natalie Hartzwick are the owners of the club. It's a fucking beautiful club and
It's a lot of great people up there. And I think it's kind of neat to like, you know, why not utilize people that, you know,
know the area and give back to the, you know, fucking community.
This album is so Vermont, it's vegan.
Absolutely.
It's all local, stoddeter, vegan, lot of fucking.
Well, I've actually been to Burlington, Vermont.
It's a really fucking beautiful area.
It's a cool time.
I went there right before I had my son with my ex and we just did like a winter vacation
in Burlington, Vermont.
It's fucking great, right? I rented Right. You know what do they call them?
You know, like a bed and breakfast type thing and just fucking awesome.
Just like really like just what a cool concept of bed and breakfast is.
I don't know if you were done it.
It's like you go, you show up at this like old time, you fucking mansion type
place.
I did it.
What?
What the?
There's a bed.
There's a bed. There's a bed. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I What the Bed
I can't sit I literally can't stand basement. I don't know why I asked him to be on this show
I should have fucking he was your first choice. I know it's ridiculous
All right, Mike for no way guys. Make sure you're in the bulletin
vermin area. Check out his show. It also by his
album. One it's available. I'm sure he'll be back on
YKWD to promote that. Thank you, Mike.
Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much. Peace. So I wanted to, uh,
I want to talk about a couple more things. We have any
chat comments right now. Uh, yeah.
Real big dummy says, uh says you know what show we should bring back. Opie radio
Opie radio got canceled yesterday
Was it officially canceled? It's not officially canceled. I just read something about it
No, I hope you radio on on serious got canceled like he's done. No, it didn't get canceled
That's not it. He tweeted outside. He's no longer doing more to morning radio and I know he tweeted out the gym in Sam or doing a show together and I've
heard rumblings about that for a while as well and it looks like that's going to be the case.
I think Hopi is going to stick around you know and do his own show in the afternoon that's what I've
heard. I couldn't imagine that that Opie won't be doing a radio show for serious going up the
next few years. I mean people people on Reddit like to give different people
in this game like a lot of shit
or talk about who's doing good or bad.
Opie's one of the biggest people at Serious Radio.
You go there, it's like this fucking huge.
In the history of serious.
It's a multi-million dollar company.
He is one of the biggest personalities they have.
They are, he's making a shit ton of money
for all the people who think Opie's not doing well.
He's fucking killing it. And I just couldn't't possibly imagine he wouldn't be a part of that team
I mean who knows what happens. I don't know. I know the fans are fucking
Talk about Opie. I don't I'm just that. I'm not really into
Gossiping about
It's like a thing we're too weird. I look. I'm with you. I'm not trying to gossip about other dudes too
But there's been a thing even from when I'm like thing even from when we first went to the Kumiah network
when Skanks went over there and that was like when they were really futing.
It was really like the week we signed was the week he did that tell all episode.
It was like shading on open and people were like, oh, and it's like,
it's like, okay, so what exactly do you want me to say about obi?
Here's my take, him and Aunt created one of the greatest radio shows of all time.
Yeah, I don't respect the shit out of it
I don't know I don't know I know aunt very well. He's a good friend never met Opie
Respect the shit out of him for creating that show. That's the gossip of yeah
Well, they want they want you to shit on opi anthony gym whoever it's a it's a cheap trick
I watch people doing that all the time. I watch people like you know
I don't want to name names Esther coo they go on
And then they feed the people on Reddit
and the things they want them to say.
You used to do that shit though.
You used to go on and write it a lot.
No, I go on and write it to this day,
but I don't feed them.
I don't, I could literally go on a show right now
but like dude, fucking OP's got tits
and he fucking, there's not a dude radio
and fucking gyms a cock.
And then there'd be a post tomorrow
on the OP&A 3 subreddit about how I'm the fucking man
and I'm telling like it is is Amy Schumer's a fucking pig
Oh my go on go on go on go on literally. I mean that one that was that nothing to what I was saying
No, but like literally that's what they want you to do and I'm just I don't know
I'm just not into fucking being that guy. I don't give a shit
I'm not like a fanboy of other people's shows. I don't listen
I don't listen to other people's shows. I listen to my own shows.
You're creating, you're not consuming.
Exactly.
All fucking day, Pete Lee.
Thank you very much.
Boom.
Karen Fihen has a new show, new podcast with Micah Fox.
Yeah, I do.
On the gas digital network.
Yeah.
Shame on.
Yeah.
And what's the concept, Karen?
We just shame on different people.
We shame, we shamed moms.
This week, we shamed nerds. Next week, we're going to on different people. We shame, we shamed moms. This week we shamed nerds.
Next week we're going to shame poor people.
It's just like different groups.
We just kind of sit there and shit on that.
So we have a series of things.
This is what I like about the show.
In today's culture, it's a very anti-shame thing.
And I suppose to shame.
It's a PC.
You're not supposed to fat shame.
Yeah, and there's two things.
What are you doing then?
There's two things that are like, I don't know how to say, but like kind of like beliefs
or things you're not supposed to do that are prevalent that are completely anti-comedy
to me.
And one of them is the idea that you're not supposed to shame certain, you know, groups.
You're not supposed to punch them.
And that's right.
And the idea that there's supposed to be this no-bid would be a copy.
And everybody with everyone can, if you wanted to break it down, everyone can give you
the perspective as to why they're less fortunate than others.
So literally making fun of anybody in the world is technically punching down.
But depending on the perspective.
That is absolutely, it is this mix of activism trying to force itself on comedy.
What funny has been about, has never, like, punching up or down has nothing to itself on comedy. What funny has been about has never,
like punching up or down has nothing to do with comedy.
From the beginning of like Shakespeare
would always, his comedies were always related to tragedy.
It wasn't punching up, it was like some fucking horrible shit
happened to some poor fucking sucker,
and there's comedy in that.
Like I don't know, so I do like that your podcast really is,
is with, it's like in the same direction as the instinct of funny
To fucking shame everybody
That's exactly
To like we're both messes. We're both like we're gonna do like a slot shaming episode
Like I'm a huge slot. So I know yeah Lewis cries about it all the time. Don't I know it?
It's not over my butt you whore
Well, yeah, it's weird that we're not supposed to shame people, but we everybody hates people that are shameless. Yeah,
that's fine. We all hate them. I also, you know what I never got about the
anti slut shaming thing? Was that they'd go like a, I feel I get the complaint. I
mean, it seems like a high school complaint, but I get the complaint of like,
oh, a guy gets his dick sucked and he's the man, but a girl sucks dick and she's a
whore, you know, being against that double standard or whatever but why would the
instant air answer be we shouldn't shame the slut like maybe we should shame both
that maybe we should shame them half as much or that we should just like meet the
shame here why would the answer be like so there should just be zero shame well we
have we have like a culture where we're giving everybody a trophy and
everybody is special and everybody's it's like no no you should have a certain amount of shame for
certain things like I've had sex with strangers in bathrooms at clubs right I
should be ashamed of that. It was a week ago you told me not to tell
Karen. It's all so true. No but I can give it one more shot. I should be ashamed of that.
But you get what I'm saying like like there there should be a certain amount of
shame for that. If I'm just fucking shoving
Candy bars into my face every single day. I should be ashamed of that behavior. It's an embarrassing behavior
Yeah, don't I'm the way here and I grab the packaging through them on the ground. Yeah, wait wait wait
He went and picked You ate them all the time.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Next time, you're on a Louis J. Gomez.
First of all, I didn't eat the doughnuts at the ground.
I didn't touch the ground.
I'll touch the ground.
It was a cheat day.
It was sitting on the cylinder.
First of all, go fuck yourself. and it was a cheat day. It was sitting on the cylinder. Right, it was a lot of signs of.
Now, first of all, go fuck yourself.
But look, I agree with you, and I think that the show,
I really think that's the first show.
You should be ashamed of that.
Yeah, I should be ashamed of that.
I really should be.
And for some reason, we're like, no, no, that's OK.
You're allowed to shove donuts into your face,
even though you have a fucking food addiction.
No, no, I should be ashamed of that.
And it all came from you being on that Whitney way
Thor show where you were the fat shaming comedian.
Thank you.
And this kind of where you guys birthed the idea of the show,
which I love, and you and Mike are hilarious together.
You're legitimately like little cunts, which I love.
And I think people, it's a breath of fresh air,
whereas I think a lot of female comedians today
are just like everyone's friends
were all supportive of each other.
And it's like that's just not what the way most female comedians are, you know,
talking and acting. When you guys, you had your moms episode, what did you go
shame about moms? Just how they're like annoying and they like, oh, they like
work out with their babies and they like use them as weights. We like showed a clip
and I'm like the only way I would watch that is if the title was watch me drop this baby or whatever
It's just like dumb just like we called my mom and Mike would just shout on her
For like a long time because Mike has met my mom. Mike has come to my house. Yeah. Yeah, my mom is good
My mom was funny. Yeah, how did your mom take it? She's great. She's like like that's how I was brought up to like I was I was
I always you shit on people that you love,
because you love them, and you find their insecurities
and you exploit them, that would make them better people.
I think, I don't know, I think that's how life is.
I don't know, dude, there is a value to like,
there's a value to sensitivity,
and I don't know when, like, being sensitive
is the right thing to do.
We've all had moments in our lives where like,
ah, there's a truth, you could tell someone,
but you don't want to hurt their feelings.
I don't know exactly when you're supposed to,
but there's also a value to honesty.
You know, like, there's also a value to like,
the insensitive kind of truth of the situation.
And, and, and, and, and,
that's why it makes sense.
But if you're talking about Reddit or YouTube,
those comments are great, they're,
they're horrible and they're great.
Cause the truth is you want a real,
unadulterated, honest view of who you are, right?
So go to Reddit and search your your name you'll see how people
fucking view you yeah but here's the thing they are but are they really it's like you're kind of just
getting the fucking review well the point on I'm saying about honesty versus sensitivity is I just
think there's different areas in life where you look for one or the other like if someone's like a
fucking hospice worker and they're dealing with people who are dying I don't think you're really
looking for like a hilarious brutally honest purse you know're dealing with people who are dying. I don't think you're really looking for like a hilarious, brutally honest purse.
You know, you want someone who's like sensitive and gonna make them feel good.
If you're talking about the fucking world of comedy, our job is not to be sensitive with
any of this shit.
And fuck this like impulse of like of these activists who are like, you know, comedy
should be a little bit more sensitive.
There's a reason why none of that comedy is funny.
Yeah.
Because that's not what funny is.
Like none of them. who's the funny comic,
who's like that?
You know, I'm with you.
There was that lady, there's one,
there's two like lady comedy groups,
but one of them like a girl like her production company
is like the name of this like secret ladies group
and she just added all these people to it.
And I don't know what I was doing.
Somebody tagged me in a comment, so I replied to it and I don't know what I was doing somebody tagged me in a comment
So I replied to it and I was like oh talking about this kid Eric I just you know he is he's like
He's like a drug addict would I run I'm like oh whatever he's gonna like do drugs and die soon and like some people like like a lot of people
Actually liked it and this chick that I've never met I don't know who she has wrote this like
Epitaph like this long letter of like shwaving her finger at me, like no, no, no, you shouldn't do that.
What if he dies and all this stuff?
And it was just like, what are you talking about?
Like I didn't know where I, I don't know how I got added to this group.
I'm like, I thought that this was the funny group.
I thought this was cool and fine.
Well, that's the thing.
You, those, those female like feminist power groups, they're just very anti-funny.
You know, it's like they're, you know, and said, you had a friend who made a comment in that group
where it's like, you can't mix funny and like serious activism.
Because the people that are taking that shit,
they're gonna take it very seriously.
And any irony or any sarcasm,
they're not gonna hear it.
They're gonna take everything very literally.
You know what, I think like, look, I don't know,
like I'm a very political person, very serious.
None of it's funny. But well, look, I mean, I think like, look, I don't know, like I'm a very political person, very serious. Not a bit, it's funny.
But well, look, I mean, I think the reason why I'm a funny
stand-up and I can still like kind of insert
is that I did stand up for a while first.
And it wasn't about like, I didn't start stand-up
to be an activist or anything like that.
So it's kind of like, you do, look, tell us a thing.
You came up underneath some of the funniest people
in the world and you know
Oh, I have to fucking kill I have to kill every time I get on stage and forget kill
It's not even a matter of kill dude. I mean obviously you have to kill that's a big part of what being stand-up comedian is
But it's be funny. It's not about making my point now if going along with my point
I can find something hilariously ridiculous about the other side then great
But it's not just about making my point and then the left has this thing where it's like, we'll pretend that's funny because we
agree with your point.
So we'll be like, and culture's stupid and we'll go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
yeah, and culture.
Did you see how hard I laughed?
But you're like, you're not really laughing.
That's not really funny.
You're trying to make a point right now.
And this is why Ted Alexander was amazing and he can talk about police brutality and be
funny with it because he did 20 years of just being a funny comedian.
They're not thinking about activism.
Then became an activist and then can go, let me sprinkle some of this shit in here.
But when chicks try to get up there and lecture you about how you're not laughing as hard
because she's a girl.
Well, one of the things in this group today that I noticed because Karen had it open on
her computer.
I didn't.
Um, so, the writer. He is the password. I think the group today that I noticed, because Karen had it open on her computer. I didn't.
So the...
No, it's the past.
It is the past, right?
She was all I'd like.
Well, wait, for any of the people...
She was in the lane.
For anyone else.
For whatever.
Every one of these ladies' groups.
Starting inviting other comments.
No, but so I invited myself.
I invited Matt at the time.
I invited Michael Choi.
That's a man.
I've been in it like a hazy before.
Oh, should you have to be banned from the group now because...
I would be shocked if I...
One of the things, this fucking no-name comic, this chick, literally, I've never, I've never even heard her name before,
but she posted a screen grab from Gotham and it was, uh, it was a lineup and it was all dudes.
It was like, yeah, I don't even know who it was, but it was like, you know, fucking mad dog and like,
Chris D and fucking, it was a bunch of dudes who've just been around forever.
It happened to be a lineup
six or seven dudes and it was just a all-dude lineup, which is just gonna fucking happen. Sorry. It's just gonna happen
There's a lot of dude comics and there's a lot of fucking funny dudes. It's a numbers game. There's no name bitch
I literally I've never heard it. What's this girl's name?
Can you remember now? I'm not gonna be a bitch. No name bitch. She was a short haircut. She went kick me. So
I know who it is.
She posts a screenshot of this.
She goes, mm-hmm, that was all it was.
Mm-hmm.
And he's like, oh, we see you in New York comedy scene.
No girls on this show.
It's like, you are not working it,
it's not gonna be you.
It's gonna be a hundred fucking other girls.
It's just like anything else.
It's anything else in the world. Like like it's like you're not looking at reality
Objectively when you come into it like looking for one thing you can find it
You know what I mean so if you're good if you're looking at everything for an example of where there's sex
Oh, there was no land on the show. Oh my god. Oh, no Puerto Rican. Sorry. It's no no comics that had a mother who was on drugs on the show
So no one there are no American Indian people on SNL and I'm boycotting.
Oh, that's another thing.
Don't even get me started about SNL right now.
This fucking the Hispanic chick who's getting in trouble for a tweet.
Mm-hmm.
Can you guys see this?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, dude.
She's fucking and the person who is exposing her is another Hispanic woman who's like
an activist chick and she's fucking bringing her own people down. Here's what's crazy to me, right, is that it's like this really is a recent development.
It's really, really recent.
Political correctness hasn't existed for that long, right?
You got to, like, the civil rights movement happened in a lot of our parents' lifetime.
This is a new thing.
And this was never, it was like an unwritten rule up until like four or five years ago
that it was only for white men.
This rule is, no, that was been true since the 20s. up until like four or five years ago that it was only for white men. And it's just these rules.
No, that was been true since the 20s.
But the idea that white, it would be for white men.
And then all of a sudden it would be like,
then they'd go after Trevor Noah,
or they'd go after Michael Chey, or they'll go,
and now it's like the gloves are off.
So now it's become this thing that is,
by the way, the liberal social justice warrior movement,
whether this is just a fact, 90% percent white.
They've got a few minorities who they march out in the front, but these college campuses are white.
They're not, this isn't the hood, that's out there.
And they are now getting famous minorities in trouble for saying the wrong thing.
Is it a funny, middle class white shit?
Is it a funny, where it's like, it's a fendant?
They're not even like, they're not, they're talking about like white privilege, and then that's just gone completely out the window.
Now it's just like any it's you know
It's not even for social justice. It's for their own
Their own ego and their own clicks and it's how many people are viewing their blog or how many people are retweeting their shit
It has nothing to do with any sort of social justice and your struggle isn't that impressive
No one gives a shit. Yeah, there's a fucking truth this struggle of like it's harder to get booked at comedy
No one fucking tears. Yeah, that's not that epic of a struggle my grandfather fought in world war two
What are you talking about like this isn't a thing? I posted this thing the other day about how for everyone who shits on Trump
I go I would never support Hillary because she's pro war and they like they like a way to work it in Dave
I look I'm saying, but there I think you'll be interested in this though, because this guy, a comic, Casey Aurora,
I'll say that he posts on my thing, and I'm just going,
I go, look, I don't give a fuck if you say offensive things,
if you're for slaughtering people in a third world country,
I'm not going to support you.
And he comments to me and he goes,
Dave, well, you know what?
A lot of minorities, Indian accent, please?
I can't.
But he goes, man, Dave, Dave, you're not what Dave.
You're not what I'm for you.
He's useless out anything like that.
You're not saying there's a bug, but people,
the liberal movement did bush it.
But he goes, oh, Dave, I love Hillary Clinton
and arranged marriages.
LAUGHTER
Dave, you are speaking three levels above your cast right now.
LAUGHTER But no, he made the point to me. and if you're speaking three levels above your cast right now
but no key made the point to me he goes
he goes will you may not you know find some of trump's rhetoric you may not care
about trumps offensive rhetoric but maybe it's because you're a white person
you don't have scary that is for minorities in this country you know have
something like that
and he goes maybe that's just your white privilege and i go okay yet my white
privilege
isn't it ironic that I'm standing up for people
in third world war-torn countries,
and you're telling me about the feelings
of minorities in first world, okay?
Like, I'm the privileged one here, really.
You're not the one who's kind of missing the big picture
of who's really fucked over.
Like, your struggle of, it's a little bit tougher
in the comedy scene.
Yeah.
It just sucks.
Get a better struggle.
I just want to hear white women in general
complaining about anything.
I'm so sorry.
No, not that bad.
Good.
Good.
Well, I mean, what I,
I mean, I'm just so breaded on this, by the way.
I think we talked about this.
What fucking, I mean, in what world
are do white women have any sort of real struggle?
I'm just sorry.
We don't. I don't'm just sorry i don't see
it i don't see i don't see anything but advantages and be like look if
you're a big fat disgusting white woman that's not even so much your race
it's just being big and fat no i'll certainly by the way if you want to have
an honest conversation about that i think that a really unattractive check
is is a lot harder to be yeah then an unattractive dude and i would talk
all day about how i think that's a that's a more difficult
We know Dave but but I don't think I the idea of just saying women like a white women in general
No, look, we if you want to talk about privilege me and you have I've talked about this before but hot chick privilege
Yeah, it's probably trumps everything hot chicks walk around getting more shit handed to them
It's like well, it just chicks like if you're a just chicks, like if you're a seven, you're set
If you're a female and you're a seven, you're pretty much fucking set for life
If you play your cards, because those are, it's a pretty decent fucking hand right there
You're a white female in America and you're a sex
Do you ever see when there's like a nine?
You're gonna fucking hand that ass?
Do you ever see when there's like a stripper or something like that who's like a fucking ten
Or like a nine and a half and you're like What the fuck is wrong with you like why if you're willing to sell your ass?
Yeah, how would you not sell it for a fucking way that I'm in a fucking
Bells going off right now
If you are spreading your pussy on a stage for dollar bills spread it for one billionaire
for dollar bills. Spread it for one billionaires. You have no right? Just spread it for one fucking rich guy and maintain a little bit of dignity.
You said that yesterday on a Facebook post, which is true.
What? About the stripper thing. You can't say anything about strippers.
Oh, yeah, but sex workers in general are besides.
Sex workers. Because as comedians, we're supposed to admit that we have we have
fucked up past and you know, we have we have, you know, issues with their parents
and we have issues with needing attention and needing gratification
But you can't say that about sex workers. You can't say that about some of your strips or is it important?
Is that half the shit?
By the way, if you really talk to a fucking whatever the social justice warrior or something like that like half the responses you have to just go
Rrrr.
Yeah.
But like no one believes that right?
So you just say the thing where you're just like, oh you know like be like uh... people who are you know girls who do gangbang porn are
just as well adjusted as everybody else you know
uh...
yeah i mean no one believes that little you know even you know when you were
fighting with that dummy uh... from back in the day on the streets and you
just go see you if you had a daughter you wouldn't care if she was doing gang
bang porn
and she goes no i wouldn't even care i don't remember you just go oh we're not
having a real conversation anymore i don don't know what's going on.
It's like, it's like, I'm having a conversation
about how Santa Claus is like a figment
of everyone's imagination and you're going,
no, he's real.
He's really going to show up with presence one day.
Yeah, no, no, it's just kind of funny to me
that women kind of, white women categorize themselves
in the same bracket as like legitimate minorities.
You know, I'm not a guy as a minority where I go like,
oh, I've had a really underprivileged life because of the color of my skin.
I just don't really play that card.
There are, there's legitimate oppression of minorities in this country.
I just don't see it with white women unless you're really unattractive.
But I can't, I mean, you, you, you have feminist leaning thoughts and ideas and you, you know, you're feminist leaning thoughts and ideas,
and you're very female positive.
What do you see, legitimate, like fucking?
No, there's been so many times
where I should have been arrested
and the couple point at me and say,
nope, you're good.
Yeah.
You're fine.
I'm sure.
I mean, one of the things that I've noticed
will be, if Emily and I are in a circle of comics,
and the men listen to the men, and then she'll say something and the
men don't even listen to the woman it's it's actually she plays a game where
she'll say something outlandish
should look at the and i killed the guy and nobody even hears her
can i say that can i be honest with you yeah it's just because emily
isn't
uh...
in as entrenched in the new york comedy scene
as others like i don't think one body is sitting at a table with a bunch of
dudes
that she's getting the same type of thing and i think it's a level i think in the
no fence of scope of scope of your young book
the scope of set up that table i think you could be exact to your every week
i've had a
that's a valid point that's a valid point because you know i've had this thing
where uh... i remember like uh... me and and Lewis were talking about this a while back,
but there would be a good point.
But there will be a younger female comic who will be a year, two years in, open, micro
level, and she'll complain about being in a conversation with Lewis and Big J, and they're
not listening to her.
And you're like, the only difference here is that if I was a two-year comic in a conversation with a tell and patrice, I would have never had the listening to her. And you're like, look, the only difference here is that if I was a two year comic
in a conversation with a tell in Patrice,
I would have never had the goal to complain.
I just expected that it would listen to me.
I said here, we get after we got on complain.
I mean, that's,
people just blow past me, I don't give a shit.
What are you gonna say?
That's just kind of the name of the game.
It's just, and by the way, we all did that.
I was the guy when Patrice was alive
and we'd come down to the comedy seller,
everyone would sit in a circle and me and Dave would be like little hawks on the outside just kind of
throwing a little things here and there but nobody would really.
And dude it was so risky and if you and if you could hit the hardest thing dude if everyone
was riffing and you said the fucking funniest thing ever like Patrice would maybe look
over and go, I open my got one and then like look back the other way and if you fucking missed it was going to be like 20 minutes on you and how much that sucked in and but so it was dude you'd
be so you have the time you have one and you'd be in your head you're like fuck I've got
I think women aren't used to not being the center of attention in life and comedy just
in our own world that just flips things a little bit you know I'm saying the rules are all
a little bit different so I think women rules are all a little bit different.
So I think women just aren't really
used to dealing with that type of brutal ball-busting,
that type of honesty.
I feel bad for that.
I talked to one of your friends recently.
I'm trying to remember who it was.
I don't want to say her name,
but she was just talking,
I said calling somebody not funny
is the end word for comedians. Oh, absolutely. That's like that's one of my black friends. Yeah, I guess that's why she's like, oh, oh, oh, it's not exactly the same.
I was in Grand Rapids, Michigan and it was a Saturday night show and there's this scrawny little kid in the front row and after every joke, he'd go hack,
hack, what's he be like, you're a hack finally, I just stopped the show and I was like,
you guys can't hear me, it keeps calling me a hack.
Yeah, and the,
I don't know if you guys can.
Book you biggest.
Yeah.
You can't make it.
But he, yeah, he said to me, I go, I go,
why are you calling me a hack?
And he goes, I just, I really wanted,
I've always wanted to come to a comedy show
and like, heck, because like I've heard about it.
Wow.
And then I talked to one of my friends who was a comedian,
and he said the worst thing you could say to a comedian
is call him a hack.
And I go, well, do you think I'm a hack?
He goes, I don't even fucking know what it means.
But he goes, it really upset you.
And I was like, yeah, I want to kick your ass right now.
And he's like, what does it mean?
I was like, it means somebody that does
unoriginal material or steals.
And I was like, I'm doing neither.
And fuck you.
And he like start laughing.
He's like, all right, that was a pretty good one.
He didn't realize why his joke was funny.
But to the, here's the thing to the regular people,
not funny, like who gives shit.
And that's your friend said to them,
and she was like, she's like, not funny.
Who cares?
Someone calls you not funny.
I was like, oh, you're not funny.
Fuck you, you nigger. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I Salate that one played over. I mean I legitimately was kind of like I had less respect for her as a comedian because I went I was like that wouldn't bother
That wouldn't ruin your day if another comic said you're not funny that would fucking set me and that's what the reason
The reason it was is because somebody on on a Facebook post had indirectly called me not funny
It was another comic and I legitimately was like yeah, fuck that guy. I was like, that's legit. That will make me never speak to another comic again. Yeah.
Or coming out and saying something like that. That's the worst thing you can say about
another comic. If did you post that guy said that he bombed? No, that guy. No, okay.
Did you, did you, did I hear, like, hear about what I do last night at the stand?
Not what happened. There's a Australian mother fucker. And I went up on
frantic, like around midnight. And the guy, like I went up on frantic like around midnight and the guy like I went up
And I was riffing and the crowd was kind of tight and the guy goes, yeah
Why don't you say something funny then and he just did that old line with for that so many times
But I've been going through so much shit in my personal life that I was like right on the fucking razor's edge, right?
And and he goes and like I just I played it off and then he said it again
He's like, yeah, I still haven't said anything funny and then I went back to him
And I kind of roasted him a little bit and the crowd laughed at him
And I was like alright that normally solves it and he's like yeah, not funny and finally I just fucking snapped and I go get the fuck out
Yeah, and he goes and he's like no, I just I just ordered a bottle of champagne
I go I'll break it over your fucking head
And like yes, and I literally was at the edge of the stage
and I'm like, get the fuck out.
And he, um, and the whole crowd is like, shit,
like, you know when you can feel it in a room
where everyone's energy turns to like, this is weird.
And when Pete gets angry, he just hears
Christmas music in his head.
Yeah.
There's a, there's a,
what if I pull it up?
There's a great potry.
Uh, thinking about that, where some girl in the crowd calls them not funny and you just go, yeah. Oh, it's great. Good. Long story short. There's a vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my vote of my ran out and he went and he complained to Joe Harari outside. He's like, took I he threatened me and he pulled blind. I was pretty song from behind. He's
excuse me miss miss Oh Joe. He is an act of more. But yeah, then afterwards this
girl came up to me and at the bar and like this is one of the first times that I've
ever had a girl look at me this way. She came up and she goes, Hey, you know
what you did was that that's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah and I go I go I'm really sorry I go
that's not me and she goes no that's you I was like oh I was that's funny she
said that because I really think you see the you see a real the real person
when they're back as against a wall in their angry that's that's who you see
is like a real legitimate person how you're dealing with that adversity
that's the person where if you're gonna marry somebody you want to see them at their fucking angriest at their their darkest the uh you
know most fucked up I saw that's a women every day.
Now you still interested bitch.
That would it's where I think it's really important to kind of see that as and that's why I like
Karen.
I saw Karen at her absolute worst.
Her absolute worst when she was blackout drunk on Legion of Skanks.
Oh my god if she has worse than that. No, I can't get any worse. Her absolute worst when she was blackout drunk on Legion of Skanks. Oh my God, if she has worse than that, I can't get any worse.
And if you can still look past the absolute worst part of somebody, I think that that's
a good sign that you could actually be with them.
Yeah, that's called acceptance.
And also having something to hold over their head.
Yeah, hold a relationship.
You did martial arts that way you were younger, right?
Yeah, so like when I told this guy that he doesn't want to know
what was going to happen, like I'm a champion kickbox
or black belt and tech window, like I was.
Oh, yeah, really?
Oh, I know that.
I was so.
And extreme sports athlete.
Yeah, like I've taken pain.
And I'm like, thank you, Papit.
Yeah.
I'm not strong emotionally.
I could hurt somebody.
But like that was what actually was embarrassing to me
and what was scaring me is that like
That didn't matter that that I didn't think that I was funny like none of that matter
But I've had so much shit bubbling in my personal life that I was so on edge that I was willing to fight this stupid stranger that didn't mean anything
By the way all that shit to that's not the same thing by Lewis's point about like another comic telling you
You're not funny as one thing. Yeah, that shit's much more just alpha male type shit.
Like someone just tries to fucking embarrass you.
That's a room full of people.
That's it.
That's not it's a comedy.
Forget anything else.
We're talking about walking on the street with your friend and a guy cat calling her.
And for you, that's that moment where you go, I'm a fucking man.
Let's forget all this other bullshit.
I got to argue with the comic once because I had the exact same thing I do was
heckling and eventually I was like, all right dude, how about I'll take you outside
and I'll beat you fucking ass. And the comic who's producing the show never said anything to thing I do was heckling and eventually I was like, all right dude, how about I'll take you outside and I'll beat you fucking ass.
And the comic who's producing the show never said anything to the guy that was
heckling. He got mad at me, he was like, that's not what a comic does.
I was like, no, no, I stopped being a comic at that point and I was a fucking man.
And one man to another man, I was like, I want to fist fight you.
If I was working in a bank, it's me unlucing my tie and going,
I don't give a fuck with my manager as to say, let's go to the fuck outside.
Yeah.
You never made it long back.
I think I was there that night.
Remember, was that at the stand?
No, we were not together.
We were on a show in Hollywood.
It's been multiple times with Louis.
I didn't realize that.
I just remember coming up to you
and you didn't really know anything about me
and fighting and whatever.
And I was like, Louis, I got you back
and you looked at me like, great.
I'm like, oh, good. I feel your back and you looked at me like great.
Like oh good.
I feel so safe with you. I appreciate it.
It just goes sit out.
We're going to wrap up here in a second.
Let's play this to go out.
We'll play the Patrice Pitt to go out.
Let's get some plugs out really quick.
Karen, listen to my podcast.
Shame on.
I'm going to be in Long Island in October 21st at some place
called the mouse trap
But um people should come because they're paying me
All right, I probably know more of them. Sorry. There we go. I said the name Karen fiend. Thank you Smith
Check out my new podcast shame on
I've just replaced a mic a fox
Yeah, I okay, so I don't know when is this coming out
uh... yeah i uh... ok so i don't know when is this coming out
uh... right now
but i'll write right now so on thursday i'll be on uh... kennedy on fox
business and red i on fox news
and then i'm doing uh... i don't know what the fucking dates are but we're doing
two shows
for the new york comedy festival we're doing a legion a skank show and i'm doing
a before you vote
week of election day at the stand
so i'll put those both up on our legion a skanks dot com
go check them out there all of the dates and then whatever other fucking road shits up there too.
Peeley.
All right. Follow me on Twitter, at Peeley Tweets, follow me on Instagram, at Peeley Sorry.
Watch the TV show that I'm on on True TV called Greatest Ever on Tuesdays and go to the
stand this Saturday night. I'm on all the shows.
Sick. I'll be there too. Yeah.
Me and Peeley hanging out all night.
Yeah.
Chris Copo.
October 7th and 8th I'll be at left Boston with Andrew Schultz.
Come to that.
And October 12th I'll be on a red eye.
Oh, nice to be on a red eye.
Awesome man.
Yeah.
First TV credit.
Yeah.
Probably not going to come back.
But you know, I told David about it.
I'm going to have to call you the day of just tell me everything that you don't don't even try to act like
You can I give you advice on it?
Don't act like you know anything you don't know give your opinions on what you know, you know
I was I did read I and it was the night before
It was a debate and it was a debate that Trump didn't go to and I remember I was gonna lie and pretend
I watched the debate because I read up on it, you know I'm saying but remember in the exact moment. I was like, well, why am I lying? All right Chris?
Let me give you some advice from someone who's been invited back
If you do some research looking in the
That's the mess starting rotation that's about it. No, but no, obviously now lose actually completely right just own who you are
Don't try to act like you're an expert on something you're not.
When I do, when I do, that's my, that's my deal.
Scott Chappell had a great thing. Do you see that?
He said something and he said...
I was on that episode.
He said something and they were like, no, you're wrong.
No, I was on that episode. It was, it was, it was fucking, this was so fun dude, is because
I was like, hello, darkness my own.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Red Eye is a show where they'll literally just have, you know, like a panel
will just be like one of us
And then the guy who did that to him is John
Podhurst who's like the editor of commentary magazine. He's like this Jewish intellectual who's from this family of really well-known Jewish intellectual
It's just like Sam next to him going like well this happened what's on his none of that happened
Well this happened what time is none of that happened
It's just so funny It's such a great moment
But when I do the count to count down
I do my animation with a professional mix of slow chan
If I ever try to break down fucking
Somebody's head movement or foot movement
I sound like a moron
And I learn that from that show
They just talk about what I know
Talk about it from a fans perspective Talk about how things, you know, fucking affect you.
So good for you, Skullbow, very proud of you, buddy.
More on anything to plug?
Just at Lauren Cubera and we, me and Mar are actually doing a show at Stand Up,
the Lauremere.
The Mara Mara, nice.
All about divorce and it's going to be a good night.
Yeah, I trust nothing that woman says.
Anyway, let me. What should do that show? Me, it's got a kid. It's kind of divorced good night. I trust nothing that woman says. I should do that show.
It means he's got a kid.
Kind of divorced.
I'll do it.
Deepu, anything coming up in the book?
No, no dates.
Anything else in the chat that needs to be read?
Everyone's very proud that Scopo's going to be on television.
Fuck yeah, man.
Very surprised, probably.
No, it's great, dude.
Scopo's been doing comedy for a long fucking time.
It's about time you get something.
It's only six years, but all right. Thanks Lewis
Now you're doing fucking good man. That's really awesome
Any other comments in the chat anything to read?
No, nothing I want to read off the top of my head right now a lot of negative stuff
So a lot of negative stuff. What are they saying negative?
Blue speeds up a negativity people. What are they fucking saying negative?
Someone says Mara Merrick fucking stinks. That's negative that's true that's pretty negative somebody's heckling mara and she's not even
on the show she was just mentioned it was one of the guys that never mind I know you say
it's not really a thing by the way everyone listening that's the first time Lewis ever did
that you know what I think I just developed a new ability. You can pull a bunch.
Anything else? Chuck C says Scupeau is above Lewis in what fucking world? Let's say,
tell Lewis he's great and better than Bobby says. Damn. Swinks KC. Rob Lord says, how about Bobby
murdering at Laf Boss in this weekend?
There we go. Pizza says I'd rather eat weak old diaper than kiss the horn.
What are you talking about, Dope?
Why are you calling diaper?
Shut the fuck up, Dope.
You read the negative shit. That's how you make each other stronger.
It's like when you want to get all muscles off.
You break down the muscle down and then it builds up stronger.
I gotta work with these people.
I can't just start reading all the negative anti-Loran antiscopal.
Keith Brown says Lewis is bald as shit.
Danias says, hey, Lewis is the funniest person on earth.
Buddy C. Buddy says Gomez take over forever.
Chuck C. says Lewis and Karen sex must fucking stink.
Karen? I'm good. You said today. What? I did say that.
That was the best. That was the best I ever did. Wait hold on, you said today was the
really funny that I really thought Lewis was gonna say you said today that I'm the best
you've ever had, but then he goes you said today that was the best I ever did. But she just went, when she just went today,
was it good ever?
Yeah.
Hey, good job out there.
Where'd it go?
We're a lot of hustles.
Oh, OK.
And then that's the thing that you looked at
with such, like, just like, what's that?
What's that?
Lois is on.
Lois is on.
When you were not on top today, was that was it?
Karen's dirty talk is she looks at Lois and she goes,
better.
Put down the donuts. Straight up, Lo louis i give you the game ball today
uh... shit alright that's it that's it uh... and any of the other people are
shit we got to do bobby's blogging second to sir guys i will be this Thursday night
with scope of your listening live norwich canadican
harpen dragon uh... bar saloon whatever the fuck it's called it's good to be
norwich those guys are dope
I went there last time after I headlined
Mohican son and it's a really cool fucking spot like cheap drinks gonna be a really party vibe
So come out of your Norwich Connecticut this Thursday night the 29th also October 9th
I'll be in Lancaster, Pennsylvania at the chameleon club
So if you guys are out in the fucking sticks and PA, come out and check it out.
I'm gonna adapt.
Go as comedy on Instagram, go as comedy.com.
Make sure you check out the countdown 6 p.m.
Eastern every Thursday, series six.
I'm Russian 93 myself and the count Michael Bisping.
Also, Legion of Skanks on the gas digital network.
Wednesdays at 9 p.m.
And Wednesdays at noon, the real ass podcast.
Also gas digital network, gas digital network.com.
Yes. Bobby stuff. Yes, go guess it will network dot com. Yes. Bobby
stuff. Yes, go to robbercarlylive.com. He's currently on his true story tour. You
can see him this weekend at the stress factory in New Brunswick, October 1st,
he 30th, first, and then he's out to Pittsburgh. Erie, Pennsylvania, just go
to robbercarlylive.com for all the true story tour dates. And he'll be near I really appreciate it. Eric, I really appreciate it. Eric, I really appreciate it. Eric, I really appreciate it. Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it.
Eric, I really appreciate it. Eric, I really appreciate it. Eric, I really-1-2, care of Robert Kelly. If you want to sit it on the show, email YKWDproducer
at ryecast.com.
Also, if you want to be a premium member that
gets you the crews with kids and all the old episodes,
all the good stuff from back in the day with all the OG members,
go and download Robert Kelly.
You know what dude podcast on iTunes for your Android.
It's just two bucks a month for the premium service. You get all the archives
beyond the past 10 episodes. Why can't we do all the classics? The fucking Joe
DeRosa era, the Kelly Fistuca era, Joe List, Dan Soder, Monster Voice,
The Truth, Louis J. Gomez, Puerto Rico, Radosnake, all that good stuff.
Also, I didn't plug the Rosemters guys. It's coming next Tuesday, one week from tonight.
10.30 PM, we're also gonna be streaming
the Rostmasters from now on every other Tuesday
on GastigitalNetwork.com.
So we have a high-def live stream.
If you guys are not members, you guys can go sign up
for a membership.
It's just six bucks a month if you use the promo code LOS.
You get to check out all the amazing shows
in the network.
And if you guys wanna come and check out
the Rostmasters tournament, it's free. It's at thestandmyc. network. And if you guys want to come and check out the Rosemasters
tournament, it's free.
It's at the standmysc.com.
You guys can grab tickets, reserve your seats.
They will be sold out across the board.
The opening round is fucking nuts.
I know Ronnie B is going to be judging on the 18th.
And Bobby Kelly is going to be judging one of them.
We got a lot of amazing judges coming in as well.
So make sure you guys check that out.
How's that working out?
You're doing one round and then next two weeks later,
it's done one more? Two weeks later? And do the next eight. Yep, and then the last round
You got to win twice in one night and the last night you got to win your battling twice in one night in order to get the title
That's gonna be a crazy night. Yeah, yeah, gonna be really fun
So yeah guys make sure you do that follow everybody on Twitter follow everybody on social media and
That's that so we have the pocha we do a post show now. What's a Po Show? YKWD Po Show.
What's that?
We do like an after show.
Are you guys?
You too?
Me, Dippo, and we have someone else coming in.
Who is it?
Alex Pavone.
Alex Pavone.
Hey!
My buddy!
Alex Bosco.
I'm Daniel.
Check out the YKWD Po Show.
Po Show wrap up.
Thanks for hosting, Lewis.
Yeah.
I did great.
You guys are great. You seriously were great. Thanks. Hit the space bar. Peace. Thanks for hosting Lewis. Yeah, I did great you guys are right great. You're great. You seriously were great
Thanks. Hit the space bar. Please stop it
Been listening to the YKWD podcast
Thanks for listening
Now go back to your shitty jobs
Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet.
And they're all free.
And they're all free.
Shining.
Shining.
Shining.
I'm gonna die!