Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - No No No

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

Bobby’s joined by Paul Virzi, Rosebud Baker and JF Harris for problem solving YKWD! What’s the best weight loss surgery, how to decipher bad excuses and when does a massage cross the line!? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a clash to fire. It's podcast, it's no rule. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? No, that's so far. That was trying to keep it like a comic.

I have a bunch? No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-cancant. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 of the topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds her.

That's your mother part. I don't wanna do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. You know what, police, you know somebody's life. You never know. I know. I'm very excited about tonight's show. I'm very excited about show. And this is my key plug in in baby. Don't very excited about tonight's show.

The people on the show. We haven't seen you guys never seen you on my show. You haven't been in a while and you haven't been in a while. I mean, you've canceled. You've canceled three times. I mean, that's just not true. It's not true. It's true.

It was true. I always go one extra case I'm wrong. So you were two. Yeah, but what about the time I was sick and I was like, I don't think I can do it. And you go, dude, can you and I, you mean you, and I, you know, I built you into fucking coming. That's the third time I consider that the time you go, okay. All right.

So it was three times. I was like, dude, what the fuck? You're fucking me, dude. I thought, I saw it a fellow Westchester, I live in an hour north and the country would get some slack if shit's going on to kids. If I got a kid to all your Excuuses I got all right if I lived on 13th Street with just myself all that fucking shit would fly all right But I know when you're lying I was a line. Hang on. Let me finish. Oh, I wasn't saying you a lion then Versey

I'm saying I know when you're lying about the excuses. I use the same excuses you do I I'm saying I know when you're lying about excuses. I use the same excuse as you do. I have to do my kid, I'll do it, I forgot my wife. I forgot my house insurance was up. I have to do my wife. My wife's got to have to have my dog. Yeah, exactly.

I gotta walk my dog. Do my wife's car is fucked up. I guess she's gotta use my car. I can't. She has to go good or night job What you said All right, let's go around the room announce everybody please gaps these we have J.F. Harris Hello, yes, oh, I met on the cruise for the impractical Joker with the impractical jokers and I I immediately

I get a thing for nerds I don't know what it is verse I got a thing for nerds I saw your face and I was like a mean you immediately hit it off Yeah, we did we did yeah within the first second. I think I threatened to smack ice cream out of your hand Yeah, I would Also being a nerd. I know you could take me. No, it was great. That was a fuck, I did two cruises this year, and thank God it wasn't because I had to.

I got to go on the Royal Caribbean to pay rent. God bless the people that do that, though, because you know, it is, you know, I can feel shitty now. I get a lot of friends out there.. I can't be listening to this shit. Get 100 podcast, but I was on the fucking princess. I used it so I wouldn't feel lonely. I was in my room with no window.

Yeah, I did the mic call to cruise, which I loved. Because I love mic call, I fucking love him so much. And he also does it with one show, which is a lot, because we, remember we were talking about that, because when we did in practical joke, you gotta do a new, they don't tell you this, but they want you to do a new 15. Like they were like, no, just do what you do,

and then you get there, and you're like, yeah, by the way, you should do a new 15, and like, I got four of them to do. And you're like going back to your like, Oh yeah, when I do those, I end up hosting most of the shows and then have two showcases. So I end up doing six shows. And I remember the first year of the way that happened, I was like, all right, we're writing boat material

while we're here. Yeah. And you're just like trying to dig it out. It's an nightmare. It was like, they were like, but it's the funnest show. Mike Calsus Cruz, we went out the, we got on the boat the first night we go down to this big theater, me and Bert, we just do, there's a couple of the comedians, we all do. I think I did 15 minutes and then we were done for the whole crew. For the whole crew. Oh my god. For the crews. I just, I was in front of those, one of those claw machines that picks up hundreds for the rest of the crews. How long was the rest of the crew? Seven days.

She's the first guy on the crew. I was only three days. That was shot four day crews. So after that, I was just three days. It was easy. Well, these crews, what they do is fucking kind of fucked up. They just, it's just a ride.

Yeah. You're just taking a ride on a hotel. It's all you do it because you're flying across the Gulf to some little port in Mexico. Yeah. You get enough to boat. You walk it through this fucking gauntlet of fucking hats. Yeah. Yeah. And t-shirts. Yeah. And fucking maracas. It's just a lot of creatures on a cruise. Oh my god. The prank with Joe hang on. I'm gonna say it. We might go back. Before he could hold you back for a second. Let's set on the cruise and it will lounge stays on the cruise, you know what I'm saying? But yeah, I mean, let me say my call to cruise.

I was like, wow, this is crazy. How much? But we went to a dining room every night on my call. Every night we went to dinner, like the love boat. Yeah. We had a big table and it flipped me out because you can order as many entrees as you want. How many did you get? The most I got was four, but I made two entrees out of four.

So I got up to the pasta and it was a well timed, almost stop breathing. He had to guess for air and just remembering it. It's your body at PTSD. He's What? What? Oh, great. Remember I made you heave.

He was not eating anything. Just thinking. Yeah, it was. Well, I didn't know that. And then Burlington, you know, you can know her. You know, as many arm types I've watched. I was like, what? And he goes, you heard me, Fatso.

And then, yeah, me, Fatso. And then me and Bert were fucking house in it. But this is not like a, you know, they're pretty small. It's a portion. Yeah, you shouldn't do it. I mean, you definitely shouldn't do it. The weight staff, the Filipino weight staffs, like, all these fat Americans.

I feel like your wife could have felt that from miles and miles away. I lied to my wife both trips. I was like, I'm gonna fucking work out every day. You did eat pretty good on the Joker screws. I will say, are you out of your mind? Maybe you were just sneaking meals when I wasn't around. When I was around you, I felt like you ate pretty good. Oh, you annoyed me that one night when we wanted to leave.

Hang on a second. Paul Versey, everybody. I was gonna say, Curve. And Rose, my big. Yeah, since you're that, thank you for coming Verzi, everybody. Oh, I was gonna say, and Roseba, big, yes, that's how you were coming. Oh, sorry. No, go ahead, Paul. I didn't even get introduced. Do you just say it?

Right now, that's what you thought. We jumped into conversation. I thought I'd let it kind of be free. You trash me right now. I wanted people to know. No, I remember how bad I wanted to go gamble. And there was like, they stopped doing the pasta. Remember the pasta stopped and you waited for that you?

You waited for them to make it like, we went back and we're like, hey listen, can you just get, you know, it got cut off, he was working. And we waited so long and you ended up eating a second dish, was that you? It was you. Wait a minute, I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions now.

We're gonna see Si this. Okay, because this might not be, but was it in our lounge? Yes. Yeah, it was me. Okay. This is why the joke's cruise was awesome too, because they had a special... So that was a couple of questions.

Five minutes, yeah. You guys are gonna ask your questions. A couple of questions. Sorry, here's the interpretation. Did Bobby walk in the lounge? Yes, it was him. We had this lounge. Yeah, the artist lounge. The artist lounge, yes, it was him. We, um, no, we had this lounge. Yeah, the artist

lounge, which was fucking awesome. That made that, that made it that made it. That made it not a man. Well, look, I think the fans on that cruise were really cool. They're sweetest pie. Sweetest pie. And they love pie. Yeah, they love pie. So it was, I remember when I, I remember, it was two in the morning and the elevated door opened and it was full with two people. And they came out with two plates on each hand pizza and then mac and cheese piled on the pizza and they were going back to their room.

And I was like, how was that pizza? I was like, wow, that's some fucking heavy. That even I wouldn't fucking do that. That's like, that's some heavy hitting. They were people on that ship that it was really like, it was almost like a fat camp, like a fat farm. Yeah.

That gave up. Yeah. But on a cruise. It was like embrace yourself. It was, oh dude, me and Jessica Kirsten had to address it because it was just a lot. Yeah. And there were nice people, like just, me and Jessica Kirsten had to address it because it was just a lot. Yeah. Because it was, and there were nice people, like just ice cream and just pizza.

Like they did, it was basically like they tapped out, like when they were just like, I'm going. Yeah. I'm just going, like I'm going to see what this can turn into. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what a cruise is. It's the Super Bowl of eating.

It really was. So it's like, you're actually saying, okay, we're gonna have an all-ikini buffet. You're gonna food 24 hours a day as much as you want. And it was literally, I'm not even, it was audience members were liked that a lot. And they were the sweetest people. But it was, it was, the A's were they pointing out diabetes. Yeah, they are sweet people, but it was big people, big people. That cruise was a lot of big people.

I'm a big person, so I fit right in. But when I saw the three ladies in the locks, the mechanical machines, pull up to the table and eat over the handlebars, I was like, all right, we'll listen to you. I might want to scoot into a chair every once in a while. You know what I mean? That was, that was like, what the fuck? Oh my God. Yeah, it was a good time. Good time.

Chris was awesome. Chris was awesome, but doing one show is the best. One show. One show and then your own vacation. One mega show. Yeah. And then your own vacation. That was a little, there was one show too that we had someone kicked out.

That was a little annoying. Oh shit, I forgot about that. What happened? Well, they weren't heckling. They were talking and while I was, so they were like, we love you, but then they talk in between each bed. It was just some chicken was like blacked out. They were just talking. So they'd be like, I'd say something to be like, yeah, that was, and they were just fucking it, fucking up my timing. Yeah. Right in the front row, having me and governors this weekend too, this lady, they don't think that talking,

claving a conversation, it's just like the movies. Yeah. If you hear somebody talking, my rhythms fucked up. And then they go, no, we like you. We love you. We were talking about the joke. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, we'll do it after the show. You fucking idiot. That's another one happening right now. Pay attention to this joke. Yeah.

He's not talking to us. He's talking to me. The people in the house did I get. There's another podcast happening right now. He literally said that with no comic tone of what's going on. It's very dick. Yeah, it was very like teacher-esque. You know what?

We're having one right now. You know what somebody said? I don't know if it was Ted Alexander or somebody, but somebody said, somebody goes, 98, 97% of hecklers are women. And I was always like, that can't be true. But in all the years that I've been doing this, I feel like it's very rare for a dude in the crowd to be like. We can find out right now, we have a computer. We can have a computer, let's find out.

What do you mean? We're the stats. Yeah, we'll get the stats. I'm trying to tell my guy to fucking look up the stuff. I don't think you're gonna be able to find a heckling stat. Watch that, why not? No, no, no. Women...

Try gender of hecklers. Yeah, gender of hecklers, there you go. Use the correct word. I feel like when Jesus Christ has brought everything to a screeching, I really did. I was really interested. I was like, Jesus Christ has brought everything to us screeching. I really did. I really really did. I was really interested. I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, could this start to just start? I did. I did it. It was me. I fucked up, did it, it dropped me. Oh my God, Paul has a record. It's like, because I feel like when a dude goes at you, that's when it's like, there could be a fight.

Like when it gets to that level with a guy, a guy's not just gonna be like, oh, I don't think so, dude. And then just stop. When I think when a woman does it, it's like, no.'s not just gonna be like, oh, I don't think so, dude. And then just stop. When I think when a woman does it, it's like, no, and then all of a sudden, it's like, fuck you, it turns into, a guy is like, we're gonna fight. It's usually, I'm gonna say this,

it's usually white women. And they're drunk women. White drunk women, and they usually go to move when you slam them is this. Yeah. And they hold it their way too long. It's like, I got it. And then they're like, and it's like their boyfriend's trying to push their scalp.

We get it. Yeah. Yeah. $62 for this. That's what the guy said to me this weekend, dude, we got a babysitter. I'm like, yeah, I'm not your babysitter. I'm not fucking babysitting you. I didn't say that.

I said it in the car on the way home. And my wife, I was like, I never told her I never said it. She was like, that's good to you. That was a good one. And I never said it. I did it all the time. I have fucking, I tell my wife things, I'm awesome.

Fucking tolia should drool. I fucking coward out. I was like, yeah, well, bye. This is the worst part. I go, yeah, this is gonna, she's like, you gotta stop talking. She goes, yeah, no, I don't. I go, yeah, you do. Well, some big guy's gonna come up. She goes, no, I don't.

I'm not telling you, there's a big guy's gonna come tap you on the shoulder and the guy, I don't know where he's in the bathroom getting a fucking chicken cullet. I'm just waiting for this guy. I'm like, you know, maybe there's not a big guy. Maybe you do whatever you want. I'm sorry, keep talking. Finally, he came out, this big mother fuck at X-Cop

and tapped him on the shoulder. And the guy was a big guy too. But I, you know, I could handle him. Did she make noise on her way out though? Was she complaining on her way out? No, here's the problem with her is she doesn't know. They don't think comedy is like a movie or a play. They think it's, you just fucking talk. Like you're at a fucking, like you're at a band.

Like you can just have a conversation with your husband and comment on everything as it's going. And you can't because there's somebody right next to you. And they're focusing on the show and there's tempo. And if you're in the front row, I can hear you whisper. Or even if you're a whisper and you're turning your back to me. How the fuck? I mean, my joke is not finished

and you've already turned to say something to your husband to make a comment. Now the person next to you and that other person are looking at you. So I lost them. And now I lost a whole group of people that were focused in on me because it's like somebody ordering someone to

Entering a phone at a movie. Yeah, like what the fuck and everybody's a pussy Nobody wants to get beat up or stabbed or be that person and I don't want to do it either I wish I could just fucking barrel over them and not say a word I wish I could do it But it's something in me that I just gonna go shut the fuck up usually like women like that Oh dying right now It was a long rant I was way for one of you fucks to say something

Yeah, you staring at me like I'm fucking Obama Going in and I'm listening to it my eyebrows are going up help me You're going in and I'm listening to it. My eyebrows are going up, help me. I'm just fucking preaching. You have to be respected. I don't not hear. The only people I hate worse than that is the dude who's on the date who's trying to prove

that he's funny into the lady he's with, the guy who tries to tag every joke. I love that guy because I can just shred him. Yeah, and he'll take it. And they'll tell fucking Oliya, fucking you, but because I know all my faults. You can go fucking I've been trashin' me for 20 minutes. You dumb dumb. You know, I get me. Whatever you say, I've already said in my hat. So I don't mind that guy. It's the conversation. I'm not heckling. You're technically not. You fucking fucks like that. No, the worst is when they they heckle you and

then they'll say and then you'll address it and then they'll go go on with the show. Oh, yeah. I'm like, go fuck yourself. It makes me want to fucking burn down the building when they do that. Go do your little skits. That's like the insult.

Like the other day I said something the girl wasn't paying attention and I was talking about how hot the month of August gets and she goes, oh yeah, August, go ahead. Like and I was like, oh. And I was just and I just stared at her and I you know when you're like you're you're starting to land the plane and everything was going good. So it's like to you. Do you know it's like I'm almost here. Like it's at the end. Do I just you know and then if like you know you color a content freak out and then everyone's like it's like it's not really worse.

You know if it's like a long headline and set, you've got a half hour left. I love making them go, making them cry. You're not, you know, not this way. I'm making them cry. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I did that in Connecticut, in Fairfield.

They were right in the front and I just, I let them have it. And then she goes, and I go, look at her, making it about her. Everything's about, and I just started to like, I just really, and she just said, I was like, listen, listen. And I was like, you can listen or get your shit and get the fuck out because you're selfish. And I go, you can, and I just started. And then

she just went, I have never been spoken to. I go, well, now you have go. And then her girlfriend, her girlfriend was there alone. And I just go, you have a choice too. And she just fell alienated and they were outside crying. And it brought me pleasure. It was beautiful. It was like, it went from them being these drunk in there. The first time I was hot in seven years. Yeah. And then I finished my set with a full-on rager.

And everybody settled down. I do that one night and the guy came in and he goes, man, she's crying by the ATM on the ground on the hallway. I was like, good. Yeah. She's crying. She's crying to the owner saying she's never been spoken to like that. And the owner goes, yeah, well, you know what, he dealt with it for 20 minutes.

And then you had to be put in your place. Yeah. That's it. But here's a problem. I say something. The whole reason she's crying is because she hasn't been spoken to like that is she needs to be exactly right. And that's why she's fucking.

Can I say something though? Is that your show? The club. Now I don't want to say that. I think that I really, I try to go into the bouncers or whoever the door guy is and say, this is what I like. I don't like them traveling conversations upfront. I don't give a fuck about the back.

But upfront, I need everybody, no phones, no getting on their phones and no conversation. If I say something, it's too late. Don't think that I'm going to hit. When I'm talking to, I don't want to, I am not a bouncer, I'm a fucking comic. I want to do my act. I talk to people, but I want to talk to them.

It's not this thing. So usually when I say that, they're on fucking top of it. And then here's the thing too, is that the features have to, you have to tell them to, if somebody's yapping, tell me, because they'll just come off. And be like, what's that man? I cool. And then, well, is anybody, yeah, there's the lady in the front won't shut the fight. We'll say something. Yeah. Anytime you're coming off, you want the report on the way out, you want the, hey, up front to the left, allowed as fuck. and then that person who's getting off stage should go tell the bouncer like

hey yeah that's right over there you got to tell him a shut the fuck up the front is hard though when they're talking in the front because when I had that issue in Connecticut people in the back of what happened we didn't hear it and even the bouncer's back there didn't know so I'm sitting there and all of a sudden I start to go hard at these two and it looks like to everybody else. It looks like you're a psychopath. No, I've been dealing with this for 20 fucking minutes.

Yeah, but this bouncer should be that's his job. That is his job. That's right. That's right. And you don't talk. You don't conversation. You can say a little something to the fucking waitress to get you dumb drink. And that's another thing.

All the clubs stop what you check spot. Not get the fuck off. I could not agree more. It's beyond me that it's beyond me that it's 2019 and there's a cheque spot during the middle of the show. It's lazy. It's lazy club owning. It should literally just be your hand your credit card at the beginning and at the end you just get your tab. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's actually great because then it's an open tab. Yeah. You whatever you order and then at the end of the show, the whole house is in Brazil.

Oh, exactly. I don't exactly like that. What do you think about it? That's what it's like. The check spot then you don't have the younger comics getting a chance to like do a spot in the, you know what? What? What?

I don't understand. What? Fuck you Bobby. No, I know. No, no, no, no. Okay, all right. All right. So if you take away the check spot,

so a lot of comics that's a ray into a club, you know what I'm saying? So doing the check spot? Doing the check spot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what's the whole thing? Hang on a second, what's talking about headlining?

Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. When you're on the road and you're headlining, they, okay, so here's the math behind you. Yeah, yeah. Here's the psychology behind this. I am going to fly this person in here, have them headlining my club and do an hour. I going to pay them the most money, a lot of money. And during

their set, not the opener set, not the middle or set, who I, I'm not paying a lot of money. They're here to get that time. Yeah. I'm going to do, I'm going to fucking right when this guy to use your phrase, which I liked, and I will take the plane. Right. Right. When I'm landing the plane, I'm going to drop, I'm going to drop the checks on the front row and all over. I'm going to dismantle the room and make this fucking guy for the last 10 minutes or 15 minutes have to dig himself out of a hole and get everybody back. Yeah. It's insane. And the reasoning behind it, we need to get the room. We don't have enough time.

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. You, these cocksuckers do these shows. They got it two out. You can change your room over. It's drinks and not shows. It's not filet mignon and fuck a shakuta replace. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Well, what you said was good. Like, if you just dropped it, fucking put the card down at the beginning of the show, and then at the end,uta replays. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, what you said was good. Like, if you just dropped it, fucking put the card down at the beginning of the show, and then at the end, it's done. Yeah. Then it's fucking great. Well, even if they don't do that, you just have a stamp receipt to leave.

And here's a great thing. You can send, which I did a couple of times, send the MC backup to do five more minutes. Yeah. Do five minutes at the end, ten minutes at the end, doing all your stupid ads. No, yeah. The better comics that you're hiring that'll come next week, they're gonna sell minutes. Yeah. Do five minutes at the end, 10 minutes at the end, doing all your stupid ads. No, yeah.

The better comics that you're hiring that come next week, they're going to sell out. Yeah. All those plugs do that and have them do some stand up. It's better family. You guys, thank you so much. The show's it's run down. Better for everybody if they take an extra 15 minutes. That's it.

Yeah. Fuck them. It's it. It's easy. Stop it. We got to, the only way it's going to happen is the fucking club comics tell them to go fuck themselves. We're not doing it anymore. I literally was just at hilarities and they were like, that's what we should do.

I think that's what we're going to start doing. Yeah, good. Just because it's like, man, that was, show was going great. And then that check drop on that last Sunday show was just like a motherfucker. And then he'd do it. And then he'd do it. No, but I think the short sets too. I think the short sets too here. because sometimes I'll go into a club

and I'll be like, hey, you're closing out the 930. And they're like, what, don't worry, we're gonna put a guy doing six for checks. Like you were talking about. But by the time you get up there, they're still fucking, they're still doing it. And I'm like, basically, I'm doing a check spot right now. So just like, still give that guy a five.

I'm gonna sell those no check spots. No, none, none. You know, where I believe the comedy seller, I believe the stand, I believe there's a couple clubs that just they, when the show is over, like when when you, when I would do the stand or whatever, you'd hear the host go, guys, just stay in your seats in extra 10 minutes. We're going to do that. Yeah. You're going to use your receipt as an exit ticket. The seller never, nothing. The seller is just, I don't understand it.

And then you got these features all pressured, throwing these things out on the table, you're trying to tell a store, you got some couple from fucking New Zealand who doesn't know about our money, looking at it and shit, it's just like, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that's why I'm so glad that I'm doing this theater tour, cruiserkids.com. Well, it's a timed plug. Cruiserkids' comedy tour is coming up. Go get your tickets now because actually a few of the, actually a bunch of the venues are half sold already. There's small 1000 seat theaters, me, Ron Bennington, Rich Voss and Jim Florentine. We started in just for laughs at club soda.

And then we go from there, starting in October, we did the website is going to be updated. We just added four more theaters. We're going to 2020. Did I say that right? To 2020 and I am excited. One show Friday, one show Saturday, and we're fucking done. And I'm telling you, man, everybody murdered you. People walking out going,

that was funny the whole time. I remember we did it here. We did it here. We're bending to hosting it. Yeah, it's crazy. And we did it at the Village Underground, and it was insane. That's awesome.

Yeah, I can't wait to do this tour. So it's gonna be great. I'll go for it. I'm gonna, because I did the whole road by myself last year September to April or my god, that's brutal. No, I mean look, I'm a comic. That's what I do I get a friend with you the whole time. No, I want to know why all the you know people come with me here and there But I don't give a fuck dude because this year I wanted to just not I wanted to fight through the anxiety

I just wanted to be like you know what? I don't give a fuck. Whoever's on before me, whatever the fuck they're doing, I don't give a fuck. I'm funnier than anything you, I don't give a fuck. That's great. I'm gonna fucking, it's gonna make me, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be Teflon at the end of this year.

Yeah. So. That's a really interesting thing. I want to ask you this question. It's probably not, it's not gonna be funny But what do you think about that? Like how long did that take because now that like I was talking about that with somebody And you know, you go on the road and I'm headlining on these improvs. Yeah, I'm trying to get the new hour Yeah, and I remember my years ago when I first started to headline

You would be like, you know, the local the the local feature is crushing with local shit. Yep. And you're walking around and you're going like, well, I'm off from here. I don't know about the, and you're just like, but then like the second time around, it's almost like I want the middle guy to crush to see where I'm really at because I'm going to do what I'm going to do anyway. And it's like you said, you get to a point where you're not even thinking about what they're doing.

When the room's going nuts, you're like, I'm just going to do that to the next level. Yeah. And it's like you said, it's like your bulletproof after that, right? Yeah. How long did it take you to be like that? Well, it takes around, I think, 20 years. Yeah. I mean, seriously, yeah.

It's crazy, right? I mean, because what happens is you get this, there's different points where you do a standup and you're crushing with that hour, that hour you've been working on for 15 years. And you go on on the road and it's murdering. But then on a sudden, five years goes by as quick, and it's like, I can't do that. You have to do another hour. You have to have another hour, and then that hour's gone. You have to do another. So it's like, you have to learn to, and you become, you know, to go up and be whatever,

And you become, you know, to go up and be whatever, whatever pseudo famous or be popular at the time. And then when that goes away, cause it always does, you have to be funny then. What, you know what I mean? So you have to deal with, you know, whatever the room's selling, whoever's on after you, whoever sold, and you have to deal with that psychomess because some rooms might not be as full as you want them. And then all of a sudden, you come back up,

something happens and you're fucking selling again. Now you're God again. It was like, I've been, it's a tough thing, but this year was the first consisting year where I was like, okay, I only work clubs that I like. I'm not doing clubs I don't like anymore. Go fuck yourself. I just stay at the city and I'll write new material

and I'll fucking make cash. I'll stay home. Also, I'm not working Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I'm not leaving Wednesday coming home Monday. I just can't do it. I did it for years and it was great. You earned and not doing it.

It was great because it taught me a lot of shit, but now it's stupid. Because if you're asking me to sell out a 350 seat room, five or six times, six times, three, six, 50 times six is what? A theater. What is, it's a theater. It's a theater.

I might as well rent a rock club myself and sell out half those tickets, 500 tickets or 400 and make $12,000 to me. That's what the clubs are starting to realize. I don't fucking need you because I have a fan base. It may not be Burr, it may not be Chappelle, but it's mine and I can sell in certain areas suck my pack up. So, you know what I mean?

So that's a good point where you can get to. That's, that's what, and now this theater tour is kind of like, okay, let's go do this shit with friends and have fun. Yeah, and enjoy our fucking lives. I want to enjoy like, you know, this year, I'll get to do this and make, you know, do my shit and whatever. And hopefully like, you know, this year I'll get to do this and make, you know, do my shit and whatever and hopefully like sneakers Cross over fans huh who inspired you to get those red ones. Yeah, I'm not fuck you. No, no, no, no

Three times No, no, no, me That was a jab and I specifically remember we were hanging out that night. You know fire. I said no, no, no, that's not a triple no You just know no no no like that was your son. I'm happy you son me. I Grown man. I got a fucking good no. I don't get a no no no, you don't Sing it. You sing it by you and no no You sang it. You sang it. You sang it. You ain't no, no, no, no. You fucking sang it. But I'll fucking harmony by now. Like you just did.

You put a little bit of something on it. He just wiped me. No, no, no, no. That was a no, no, no, no. I get good. I'm your friend. I'm a grown adult. I have a son. I get one no. Okay. All right. Well, no, it hurt me. That's why. All right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Don't do that. If you're gonna spit it out of me, turn it down to the camera. I don't have to frame the photo. Now get patronized.

Now get patronized. Get here, okay. I'm just only gonna be patronized. I'm gonna be your snorkeying. I'm gonna snorkeying. We hung out that night. Yeah, remember. The night I got those niggas?

No, we hung out. I remember you had those on and I go, dude. Yeah. Those are sick and you go, well, I'm fucking hanging out with you and so on. So I got to have my thing. Well, those are really nice. Yeah, honest. That's fucking hanging out with you and so on. So I got to have my thing. Well, those are really nice. And you made me feel, yeah, I don't know where,

where would you remember? Cause the honest wasn't there. The honest was not there the night. The night was honest. I say one day, all right. I'll say one. You know, if I give it to you, I'm gonna give it to you. No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to give it to you.

I'll say, I got those sneakers, okay. Which, you know, these sneakers, you guys all fucking love, by the way. What are they? I can't tell Nike sniky Hirachi. Yeah, right. Give me plant the fascia. I Need a fat new balance I'm trying to hang out these fucking dirty I'm walking around with a limp every morning because I put on that squeaky night

I fucking had a pair of herodgy's crushes on top of my foot, cut out the feeling that's not going to be anything like that. Yeah, I've always got fucking... Yeah, I've got... I've been wearing a fucking extra heel in my fucking converse for a week now because of those stupid flashy sneakers.

That's a sad day when you gotta buy insults for your sneakers. No, sneakers are meant to be comfortable. Oh, yeah, those aren't fucking comfortable. I got a wide flip. I got a flip. Dude, Damien Lemme got a flip. Damien Lemme's got a funny joke.

He goes, you know you're getting older when you got to put Dr. Sholes in your Jordans. Yeah, dude, I got to sit there. Yeah. I, it's the worst. Planned the fetch, yeah, it is the fuck that word. What is it? Is it just like a worst pain in your deal? Goes numb, right? Yeah, it's the worst. Plant the factory, I just said the fuck that word. What is it? Is it just like a worst thing in your meal?

Goes numb, right? Yeah, what does it go? It goes numb? It hurts. The heel, see the heel? You're pulling on those muscles, I believe. It's called the heel spur or whatever. And it's, your heel, you can't step on it.

It just kills. You gotta stretch it out. And as soon as I go back to my John of our Vados Converse, very expensive, by the way, four bills, whatever. Whatever. Whatever, what are you doing? Well, fucking nice. Are you not in your mind?

You're like a fucking snake skin, John's our Vados. I can be in any band in the country with those. I literally write it. I don't need to fucking play this. Snake skin. You're in. I'd have to pick up the heels show the Jean Valde. Backstage, right this way, right here, sir.

I was a gab in my wrong. Am I wrong? Tell me, I'm wrong. I just said the word John with an accent. John Valde. John, listen, I'm telling you, my feet feel great now. Fucking great. Unbelievable.

But isn't that because Converse didn't they merge with Nike? Yeah. Yeah. I have, I have a John of A. Those. But before Nike, it's still a Converse show. Rose Buds, Trouble Maker. All right, listen to me.

I'm saying it's a fun. I know where you're saying, Buds. It's not happening. It was before John Vave nos doesn't make sneakers with fucking Congress anymore because of that fucking hijinks. Right. Put a flag on the back. Shut the fuck up.

Guys, either way, I inspired it. I got because if we knew if I knew what we were, I would remember it better. I forgot where we are. I'm peacock and those are my peacock and shoes Yeah, those are my peacock boss got the 11 on yeah, well Look at my new shoes 34 Yeah, Mike got a good one, but nobody this is the mic. He always gets a hot one in, but nobody hears him

because he has the charisma of a fucking sock. No, I didn't hear it. What is? What can I feel my feet? He goes, he goes, I can't feel my feet. That was the between us, it was perfect. Nobody fucking paid attention. Mike, someday you'll have your own podcast.

And, oh, Mike, yeah. Do you guys work out in Not Jim? What? What do you work out? Mike someday you'll have your own podcast. And my Yeah, you guys work out and not Jim. What? What do you work out? No, no, I don't work out in that, Jim. We just took a picture in front of us. I work out as title. And I, and I also usually box to the great sounds of a pat

Betta's are hit me with your best shot. Very cool. Or a little Kenny logins. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Anyways, that is a great shot though, huh? It is a great shot. Beautiful. You know who took those? Phil. Phil who.

Oh, Phil who used to manage a Caroline? Yeah. Oh, he's great. What's his name? Phil Provencia. Yeah. Phil Provencia did a great job. He's fucking awesome.

Really great job. I wish there was one who were on the swing sets we didn't use yet. We were pushing each other on the swing sets. It was all hard on the floor. Second part different from the fucking fought. Yeah, that Phil Provence. He did a great job. Now, I usually use what's your name?

Mindy Tucker, fucking blows me away. She's great. I want to say the girl who was working Skankfest this week, I'm was awesome too. That what's your name? Becky? No, Becky's great. I love Becky.

Yeah, she's the best. She's the best. She's the best. Yeah, there he is right there. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, D's great. Oh, I love me. I think Chris dated all those women. And a couple of those guys. Well, all right. Look at him. Wow, he's a tell you man. Jim is fucking charismatic. He is. Also on this year's impractical Joker. I just saw that today.

That hit in Bennington. Wow. Yeah. That's a great one. Yeah. And who else is coming back from last year? I don't know. Anyway, just the, I think just the openers,

the guys who opened for him on tour. So it's all new. Oh, new people. Yeah, they do new people every year. That's great. Jim, he's a good dude. Jim did this video. I think it was like,

Oh, look at that. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That's my first one. Principal of a Westchester, Jr. Oh, my gosh. Oh, look at you. You look like a, look at you.

You look so nice. I was so happy and nice and, Yeah, what do you get? Who is that gold chain? Where'd you put that? I have no idea. I don't even know. That's what I've installed.

I probably sold it to do an open mic or something. That was five years ago. Okay. That was a great headshot. That's a fucking, I mean, it's a great shot, but it's the worst in terms of who I am. It's, it's nothing. There's nothing in the, yeah.

That's what people see. Yeah. From a distance on a train platform. Yes, and then you show up You start tracking the truth talking like Jesus Who touched you you get great bangs You're fucking I do I do I'm gonna die with these bangs to I'm gonna have a bangs Please find that photo. I mean your old photos are hot. Oh, yeah, I have a Fobba you got I mean they're cheesy as fuck, but they're so a Bobby was fucking I know I have I really it's it is what it is that's not a

Yeah Look at that photo. Oh wait, who's that guy next to you? It is what it is. That's not a no. Yeah. Yeah. Um, oh, look at that photo. Oh, wait, who's that guy next to you? Where Bobby? Who's that guy? Where right there? Bobby Nichol. Bobby Nichol. Bobby Nichol. Oh, this sexy Bobby right there. Oh, that's

dating. That's actually not sexy. That's dangerous, Bobby. Rachel. Rachel calls me Dean. Oh, my God. That's Puerto Rican Bobby. Yeah, yeah. Puerto Rican Bobby goat That's Puerto Rican Bob. That's Puerto Rican Bob. That's been fucking goat, huh?

Yeah, I just missed. I missed. Yeah, I was with the goat. I was with the goat. I was with the goat. I was with the goat. I was with the goat. Yeah, I was, yeah.

Where's one? Where's the pretty boy where he's like, he's wearing a scar. I'm screwed up. At some point, I feel like biting a scar for something. It's like, hey, it's not a gay. I think I've seen a lot of you in overalls. Is that possible? Yeah, yeah, I think it's possible.

I think it was at the comedy cafe in Milwaukee. It might have been you in overalls. I know, I don't think so. Not in Milwaukee. Just go to sexy, sexy Robert Kelly, sexy Bobby. I don't know what come up. Look at that one. That's like what I was getting a little chubby,

but I was still kind of sexy. There it is right there. That's me. Yeah. That's so good. Wow, look at me. Look at my bum chin, though. What are you doing there?

What are you doing there? What am I doing? I'm trying to hang myself for being a fucking fag. Huh. I'm going to go and I love my wife, but I love Tick-Tool. And it all. Oh my God. What's the other one?

Scroll, go back, go back to the, I think, scroll down. Yeah, that's sexy. Now it's not Kelly. Mark Kelly had a fuck somebody again, so he took over. There he am, right? Oh, that's a good one. That's when I, that's when I was, I mean, look at that. And then, yeah, when was that?

That was not too, oh, go to the one in the middle, down the bottom, over, over, over, over, right there. There you go. Who's that guy? Yeah. You look like somebody that would throw a microwave at a woman's head. Yeah, after I fucked her. You got that, you got that.

I'm a fucker in a microwave. Put your head in you in the microwave this the way I can come Yeah Bobby what year would this have been yeah, oh wait, that's oh I remember that jacket when I could zip it I just have the joke in my act. I bought I bought a snake skin jacket, and I don't wear it because if I wear it, it looks like a snake eating me. Just inside of a cobra. There you go. There you go.

There's the one. The Miami, Miami shot right there. Let's go scroll over. Oh, there you go. Sexy lips. Look at those lips. Wow. That's my wedding. I went to, that's when I started getting chubby. I had my, there you go. Sexy lips. Look, those lips. Keep going. That's my wedding. I went to that's when I started in Chubby. I had my, so you got a Mohawk. Yeah, this,

let's keep going. Yeah. I was in that band. I was in Manuto. This me on the right. Oh, that's me. That's me. One of bangs. That's the shot with the Barbados. Yeah, no. That's so funny. It's hard to load them, but they're on my face. I look those really headshots, look like they were taking a pride. Yeah, that pride. Oh, I was hot, man. Yeah. I mean, and the, let me tell you something, how do you, I'm so happy being married now and

I have no regrets at all. I don't even like, like, oh, guys, like, oh, we're going here, we're going there. I don't give a fuck about any of that. I'm so done. I did so much banging in my 20s, so much sex, and that's when everybody, we just banged. You just met that night and you could bang in a park, just make out.

People are still doing that. Yeah, but it's a little more dangerous. You know what I mean? You're gonna ask a lot of questions. Yeah, there's a lot of. Can I take my dick out? I'm sure. Do you have a headshot I take my dick out? Are you sure? Do you have a headshot?

Who's your agent? Do you like Kupo? Yeah, you gotta see what they need. Go back, go back, go back, go back. No, no, go back. That's me right there. That's Al and the monkeys. That's me, Dane.

Click on that. Make that big. Oh my God. That's Dane Cook. In the middle, that's Al and the monkeys. You guys don't know, I started an improv group. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started an improv group. Yeah. Yeah. I started it. I boston. Emboston me. That's J. Hall. Which one are you in the middle? I'm the one

of the right there. That's you. That's me. Yeah. Jesus Christ. You had a whole neck. I was in the middle. Dude, I was bangin'. I had a vest on in that fucking thing. Dude, I was fucked. You're so hot someone's still fuckin' wearing a vest. Dude, that dude I was fucking so hot someone still fucking wearing a vest. Dude, that's where in back then. It was like when Eric Rivera was wearing that. Yeah, that's in that's in Miami. Keep going. What comedy does for people?

Go go with the fop there. The corner. See that? Look at that. Okay, click on that. That was that was chubby Bobby. Jesus Christ. That was my fourth fat.

That was my fourth fat. That was my fourth fat. How many fats you got? Seven. I'm on my seventh fat. That was my fourth fat when I smoked and all those. Oh my God. That was that was the only virus tour. Lordy, Lordy, looks like you got one. What the fuck was that pause? That was a great joke. It was your Don Knox delivery. Looks like you got one. You're saying? Sonny boy.

Looks like we got one. I wish I could be a fish. Go back to that fucking page scroll scroll scroll. That's my leg. That's me. It's me and I surgery. Oh, the idea. Look at that photo.

You know what that photos from. We go, just listen to me. Don't look. Don't do a stunt doing shit. What do you black legs? You're literally black from the waist down. That I was getting surgery state that Louis CK and that's the first time I ever did the nasty show in Montreal. And they were there and I went back and they both just gave me the sous-fi.

That's like at the midst of when Louis was first because that's before he was big. That was right after Lucky Louis and HBO. And before he started doing Louis, the show. That was before Louis. That's when he started his comedy change. Like shameless. He stopped doing like the dolcey weird shit. He didn't write for like eight years.

And then because he was writing for shows and doing this. And he would always do the same set. And then all of a sudden he said he watched a lot of Karlin and just developed new hours and they just got just changed the hour. And that's right when that I remember that year we did it was DiPolo. It was Jim Jeffries. It was David Tell and it was you know Nick DiPolo Jim Jeffries Louis CK me and I think a tell at the nasty show That's the fucking crazy nasty show ever and he was on it and then he did his hour at club soda.

And I remember people watching it and you know, you know when I saw Patrice do it, a burr. Like you know when somebody just does something in there it's like, I see you later dude. Yeah, just bagel up. Yeah, bye guy, you know what I mean? And that's when he did it, yeah. That was fucking fun.

It's when I, man, I, I, we walked around one day, for like an hour. She just, we walk him out with Louis and we're talking to me about shit. Look at that. Look at that. Is that you? That's me. Yeah. No. That's me. Go up. Go up. That's me. That is not you. That's me. Shut up. That's me in a rubah. That's impossible. That's me. What do you mean? What's wrong with that? Why you like that guy? Don't you know you just you look like Batista look at people people 100% that is not you Mama That's my converse jacket that I had throughout what That's I was like no, you just chained

You look like a ball DC Benny Now we didn't get that one all right pretty good though. I love the I was it wasn't a joke. It was a real it was a real comparison. No, come back. Click on that. Oh my that's me look on that Oh, it's a second now. I'm you can come back, click on that. Oh my God. That's me, look on that. Oh, now I'm gonna tell you this, no, this, right there, that's not fat, dude. That's fucking, look at that. That's in a rubah, look at me.

Wow, look at the thigh muscles. Motherfucker, I was rocking. I had just, I'm in so much shape to see those little shorts. I have, where the, I bought, I bought five pairs of those with all every color. I bought Canary Yellow. I got Canary Yellow fucking shirt. And you know what Dawn did? We showed up in a room.

I'm going through my bag. She kept the black pair. She threw the all four of the paper and the garbage. That's a wonderful love. She goes, I go, where are my fucking shoes? I don't know. You didn't pack them. I go, I packed them. She's like, I don't know, I had to go buy stupid new shorts.

Years later, I go, where did those fucking shorts go? She goes, I threw them out. Why? She goes, I'm not having to wear bikini shorts. Yeah, I can't wear fucking, I'm very yellow. Yeah, but, Verzy, I can now, physically, I'm gonna make it.

There's gonna be a bunch shot in my life when I got to wear them and I could be European and I'd see. I'd be out of it. Hey, I want you to know you could throw in a thong right now and still look European. I'd be arrested for being nude. Oh.

God dammit. God dammit. God dammit. How long were you in comedy when this picture was taken? How long have you been in comedy? Let me tell you, that was after a tourgasm, that was after tourgasm while we were on that other tour. Should we do the bigger arena tour?

That was that. That was so, it was years after tourgasm. It was probably 2000. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Okay. The time around then. But yeah, that was my, that was my, I think my fifth skinny on my four,

that was my fifth skinny. That's a fifth time I went and said, fuck you and I went to the gym. I would do spots at the cell and then go to New York Fitness and work out for two hours, five nights a week. I didn't fucking hang with anybody. Everybody could fuck you and go, fuck you. What are you doing?

I'm out by, I'd walk over there and just work the fuck out. And I was eating chicken, no carbs, no shugs, but you're right now, ton in the day. Oh fuck that. It's fucking exhausted. I had no energy. I was sleeping until I was playing fucking Sony plays days in. I was playing no Xbox. I was playing Xbox all fucking day. Smoking, playing fucking video games. You could get, you could be that, you can get better in shape than that right now if you, if for like the right incentive.

Well, I just met with, I just met with a doctor. What? You mean, you think, what? What? You went to that thing without me? What thing? What thing? What thing?

The thing more planes we talked about. What thing? The thing that NJ talked about. What thing? The thing that NJ diet. The NJ diet. Yeah, and then you got to treat that about the doctor. I didn't do that fucking thing. Oh, my goodness.

What are you going to fucking bring up? What is that? NJ diet. What is that? You saw like two guineas who are about to go whack a guy. You didn't go to the thing with the thing? Yeah, I was like, what the guy didn't call you about the thing? You guys are walking around and jerseying.

It's a jerseying. You saw a doctor? Yeah, what the doctor is going to tell you? I was going to tell you before you fucking went you about the things. You guys are walking around. So drastic. You told me to do a doctor. Yeah, what the doctor's gonna tell you? I was gonna tell you before you fucking went off on the thing. I tried to, you know, you, we were supposed to do that thing together. No, we never said no, you told me about the thing.

No, no, no, no, no. Can I tell you what happened? I'm gonna tell you what happened. Please, I call Bobby and I go Bobby. There's this thing on, there's this thing I heard on the radio and it's called NJ diet. And they guarantee you the first 40 days, you're going to lose, or whatever. It's the first two months you're guaranteed, like you're going to lose 40 pounds, but they

take your blood, your DNA, and they guarantee that you're going to lose that. Or I'm going to take your DNA. That's why I'm out. So, so, so, build a clone and they just send it back into your life. Here's what you did. You go, dude, fucking doctors involved. I don't know. I don't know. And then now you just say you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you

go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you

go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, The government just has my fucking a row, a whole army of me somewhere in the people of Obcalio get arrested. Yeah, I'm not fucking doing that. You're not swabbing my DNA. What did this talk just say? What would an army of you conquer? Huh? Plus, yeah. How is it going to get a crispy cream?

Well, this army, yeah, crispy cream. But the other, that one, oh my god. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Ah, ¿me mire que es un ladio?

¿No es verdad? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? I often perform coitus. What do I do? I had sex courses. I hate you. You're so ready for this time of life. I have sex often. I take courses.

I learn. It was so different. The 90s, the 80s, but the 90s were so sex was fine. I mean, man, it doesn't have to do with the decade, you know. You can't, as a guy right now, you have to be very careful. You can't just, you gotta work just take your dick out. You can't just, you can't, but yes, you can. It's just like that, I think, not as a comic.

No, not as a comic. Not as a comic. You can't just take your fucking weiner out anymore. Everybody every back in the day, there was no there was no fucking phones. There was nothing. There the guillotine communication, you know, you could hold the girl down. You know, one find out. Look at the I'm sorry. I can't just rape anybody anymore. I said it gone down. If you hold the girls hand on it for long enough, I can't just rape anybody anymore. I said it'd be fun to do. I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

If you hold the girl's hand on it for long enough, she'll do it. Yeah. I have to. Just to go home. Just to go home. He's like, I'm tired. First of all, Paul, OK, here's the deal.

I went to a doctor who goes to my cigar bar. Very nice guy. OK. And he does Very nice guy. Okay. And he does the stomach surgery. Okay. He did one for my friend. Now there's three different stomach surgeries. There's the one where they make a stomach the size of an egg.

Castor. Okay. Then they do another one where they do the lap band. Okay. Up the top. That one doesn't work. Okay. All right.

What? Have you do it? No, but I know it's good for a little bit. You know what? It's like, believe me, versus Hannah, I know people that have had that. And it's a tough thing to like, it's initially good. And then all of a sudden, you fuck. Then if he did,

yeah, that's why you can, no, it doesn't work. But Jesus Christ is. Why is that what you're gonna do? Well, hang on, let me finish. It's a third one. All right, well, don't say it like you're fucking aided already. No, all right. You're my friend, Jesus Christ is that what you're gonna do hang on let me finish the third one all right Well, don't say it like you're fucking a ready. No, all right here my friend Jesus Oh first of all, the doctor you met at a cigar lounge. He's already not a healthy guy

Doctor In yelling smoke giving you advice over a fucking Patrona Romani crystal I'm going to put a band around your stomach. Those are it. That's what, here's the third one is where they cut, they take out most of the stomach. So the, the food goes down and it has less room, but when they cut that stomach part out, right? In there, they're cells, okay? And these cells, just so much.

There's too many, this, well, we want you out of your mind. Listen, once I was out of your mind. I was like, I lied the doctor told you, because there's too many details. First of all, why didn't you are... Gas your sleeve. There you go.

Thank you, fucking mic. Game mic. Thank you very much. You can just call me mic. That's fine. Yeah. First of all, all of those options. you're acting like all of those options are... Can I finish my fucking thing?

Okay, which, okay, go ahead. No, first of all, I haven't seen my wife in two days, but not for two days. I've been in home, I've been doing podcasts and shows, all this shit. Yeah. And I haven't been able to tie men in. Basically, what are you saying, and she hasn't come in two days? I have no, I haven't come in months. I haven't told it. I was excited to tell somebody this, because I haven't come in months. I haven't told it.

I was excited to tell somebody this because I haven't been able to tell my wife the information. So I'm telling you, let me have the excitement. I know, but it's terrible. I don't think any of it is good for you. What? What? I first of all, let me just finish. Okay, I'm finishing and I'm going to go.

I'm not. I'm not conversation with work. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go.

I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go.

I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. and I think the doctor, my other doctor said, are hercally an effort. Oh my God. Yeah, and he also called me obese.

I'm like, do you use the N word too? You fucking will, that's the fuck is that? So, so he, hang on. Who do you, Aaron? Aaron, I gotta eat. I got a few love for this next sentence. Oh, it's a joke. You said it a bit.

Rose buzzer, I must fucking kill me. I'm not having a joke with the film. No, you got it. So, what this is is that most people when they lose this weight, they'll gain it back. Your body wants to stay at the weight. There's a weight. It's not okay. So it's like, okay, you lose 20 pounds, okay? But if you lose, if I lose 100, my body's

want to come back to here. It's comfortable here. It's all set up to be at this weight in around 20 pounds, okay? But when you lose, when I lose all that weight, I'm, I'm, most people gain all the way back. That's why that lap band shit don't work. But on this, I think it's 40% of the people don't gain the way back because in that stomach

are these fat cells, okay? That when they cut that out, those are the things that make you want to eat again. They make you get fat again. So when they remove that, you have a better percentage of not becoming fat again. Not that it's, couldn't happen. It's absolutely good.

But you have a better percentage. The percentage is the hormone that makes you desire food. What'd you say? It reduces the hormone that makes you desire food. Pingo, thank you, chub chubs. All right. I have a cousin who did it and it worked. Bank, thank you. And I have no somebody I have a cousin who did it and it worked. Bank, thank you.

And I have no somebody else who did lap and then it did not work. Lap did does not work. Lap in, they'll snap the fats, they'll snap that band. It will. But this is the one that actually works. And this doctor, fucking, he did it with my friend, Dougie. And he has Dougie. Looks, I mean, dude, fucking unbelievable.

Here's a problem with it. Okay, here's a problem. You have to lose a shitload of weight before you can do it. And it wouldn't happen for seven months. I would, so I have to go see a dietician, go to the gym, lose a bunch of weight. And then in six months, when I pass all these things, people are like, okay, you can do it.

You're a viable. That's great, because then you're, because then you've already built up, which is mentally the capacity to be like, you can do it. You're, you're, you're viable. That's great, because then you're, because then you've already built up, just mentally the, the capacity to be like, I can do this. Say it, say it. Yeah, that will power. Yeah, the will power.

Thank you. You did one of the door guys that stand up live just did that whole thing. Yeah. Like went through the whole seven month project. So you have, yeah, seven months. So you have to get to there. Yeah.

And your brain's in there and you're already lost weight. But by cutting that part of your stomach out, you're taking the part out that will make you become fat again. It's not just you get depressed or you just eat again and you become fat. There's stuff inside of your body that you can't control that's saying go eat, go become fat again. It's also like you're losing weight not because when you get, when you've been fat seven times, however, then you're like, why would I lose weight again if I'm just going to get fat again? Right.

So you're losing weight for a specific goal knowing that it could stay. My goal right now in my life is one thing, two things, three things. My, my family, of course, my son, my wife, being go, right? Yep. Providing and losing weight. That's it. I'm gonna fuck about TV. I'm gonna give a fuck about making it.

I don't care about being a fucking star. I'm funny. I'm fucking hilarious. I can go do my comedy wherever. Am I got a great agent? I got a great manager. I got great friends. I'm in a great club. I'm funny. I'm fucking hilarious. I can go do my comedy wherever I got a great agent. I got a great manager. I got great friends. I'm in at a great club. I'm done. Losing weight is my fucking focus for the next eight months. And if I go there in eight months, I'm like, you know what? I don't want

to do the surgery. I don't have to fucking do it. But you have already lost a bunch of weight. No, saying you will have already lost the bunch of weight. what are you looking at? I think, dude, I think fucking wrong way. I don't think you should cut your stomach. I think it's, I don't think it's, I don't think it's, you want me to go give my DNA to a fucking clinic. Yeah, but all I'm saying is, give my life away. You just said you had four fucking entrees on a cruise ship, okay, the other day, because, and now you're saying,

you're putting that against me. I can't even open up to you. No. Is that how this works? No, but I'll just deal with my wife. I'll get two mics. No. Yes.

Hi, verse. What I'm saying is before they call your fucking stomach out, with a fucking, they're cutting the fucking, the big part out show the fucking point. I think that we show a fucking do something. Help me. We sound like the dumbest people in medical.

Sign me cut the big part out. Here you go. Look at this. Here we go. Oh no. Now this is a gastro that watch what they did. I did. Now bring it up. Bring it. Make it big. The remaining second.

That's the problem. Bring it up. Bring it. Make it big. The remaining second. Bring it up. Bring it up. Watch. Listen. It's smaller stomach. It cannot hold as much food. It also produces less of the appetite regulating hormone

relevant, which may lessen your desire. Bing. Cutlet sounds like a demon. Sleep gastrectomy does not affect the absorption of calories and nutrients in the intestine food. It doesn't have to. It's showing it go down the gallbladder. We get where we go. It didn't have to show when it go down the top. We get where we go.

It didn't show. Wait, so listen, so it cuts out that part and what's that hormone again? Vellan. What is it? Grelan. Grelan, they cuts out that part that creates the hormone that gets people fat again on the sleeve and on the other. How much weight do they want you to lose before you can do that?

700 pounds. You're going to get to cut out six more stars. on the sleeve and on the other. How much weight do they want you to lose before you can do that? 700 pounds. What? You're gonna get to cut out six more stars. Yeah, we're gonna have to get that 700 pounds. But here's a problem with that. Now, if I go that route, instead of the working out with the weights and the way I've done it my whole life,

you know, if I work out with the weights, I have everything's gonna just get tight again. Like I don't have, I don't have flabby arms for a chubby guy, because it's all, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm working, you're gonna have loose skin. I'm not gonna have loose skin on my arms and my chest because I work out.

Like I have, like, I don't know how to explain it. Like, like, there's like three different bodies types. There's like the type that's naturally fat, then there's the type that puts on muscle that's mostly made up of a muscle, and then there's the type that's naturally fat. Then there's the type that puts on muscle, that's mostly made up of a muscle. And then there's the type that's like naturally thin. So looking at pictures of you when you were thin, you're obviously, you're the middle one.

Yeah, like that's all my feelings. When I get fat, I look like, I look like touch my body. Touch my body. Feel one of my arms, feel it. Is there any fat on there? I mean, do you want me to do I'm gonna say we want to hear you I want you to tell me to hang on let me give you

go ahead. Is there any fat on there? No, it's pretty solid. Yeah, I mean, what does that say? That's a best part of my day. That's there in lies there in lies to problem. Oh, will you just do a lesson? Fuck you. What the fuck is your fucking Tai Chi. I figured since it was an Asian thing. I thought you were gonna talk about my tattoos. I was excited.

What does that say? We were talking about where I got it. I was all ready to give you the backstory. And you go, that's where it lies right there. Attic, you're proving to point your fucking Ted dog while the fuck. Yeah, you're a mezzamore. That's what you are.

What do you call me? You're a fucking mezzamore. I's what you are. What'd you call me? I am that's what I'm saying. Okay, you actually have a high metabolism like even though That pause really fucking hurts Pause, you know that rose bud. I even know you're I'd rather have a no-no-no or fucking fat Yeah, I think that I won't have. But if I do the surgery and you're gonna lose, you lose weight. You lose a lot of you lose. But I've already, I'm already have to lose weight.

But here's the trick. I can't lose too much weight of the insurance company. Go and fuck yourself. You can do it yourself. So you have to lose a certain amount of weight for them to go, okay, a 40% something. It was very interesting all this stuff. And then you can get the surgery, and then you lose more weight.

But you have to fucking work out every day. You have to walk 45 minutes a day. You have to really put in the effort. Like my friend Doug looks like a million bucks. You know, but I don't wanna, here's the thing, is I don't wanna be, I don't wanna lose all the weight. You don't wanna be too hot. I don't have that problem anymore. I don't want to be, I don't want to lose all the weight. You don't want to be too hot.

I don't have that problem anymore. I don't have the problem to forget. I'd love to get at least fucking thin again for my wife. So I could, you know, we can bang. You know what I mean? My wife without fear. My wife, my wife, my wife. I have that joke in my hair.

She gets on top because I'm not a murderer. Yeah, but she's, yeah, I'll do it again, I think. Yeah, that shit. I don't want that shit. We're shit. That. Oh, God. Damn it. Yeah, I don't want that shit. I don't look like a melted candle.

Yeah. I'm gonna be like, can you get fat again? Jesus. Well, that guy got the surgery. I mean, look, that guy was that big. So him being mad, it's healthy now. You know, you're not going to die as womanly hip stuff. Yeah. Yeah. He got the wrong life. Oh, yeah. He lost too much weight, you know, she has to think is I want to go lift weights. I want to bang it out. Dude, if somebody told you,

you're going to get, you got a year and a half, or two years, and you get $5 million, you'd fucking, you'd do it. You would do it. Two years, I'd do it in fucking 30 days. I'd blow myself in front of them with my money. You got it, do you say $2 million? Somebody sent you. Do you say $5 million? You nuts, you have that money?

Where's that money? Get that going, I'll fucking do it right now. Let's put it away. It's a celebrity, a big way, I'm gonna let you just do it. Yeah, see that guy. See that guy. I don't want that. Go back. No, that guy right there. Yeah, that right there. His stomach looks like my mom's after he had five kids. Yeah. That is. If that happened, I'd be like, dude, you gotta get skinned.

You gotta get me, I'd fucking, yeah, I get in a zack on the ice and I do the surgery myself like, damn, I'm just tape it back. I'd fucking, I would, I'd staple my stomach, I'd fucking, I'd cut it, snip it, pull it. I'm making it a craft day for me and Max. You should've had D.K. yoga, that D.K. yoga. I got it, I just did it.

What? I got it. Did it with his kid? I saw it on Instagram. I was fucking Max, woke me up. Max. Did it work? I said it. I just did it. What? What did I got it? Did it with his kid? I saw it on Instagram. Fucking Max woke me up. Max did it work. I said Max. No, no, I was repeating it because I said his kid. Oh, yeah. Max woke me up in the morning. He asked me to do a DDP yoga. He asked me to do the fucking hot core. I got no idea what I'm doing. I'm not doing fucking. He wanted to do number four. You got to do one, two, three, four on the first CD. He wanted to do CD number two and do like the hardest one.

I go, no, Max, we can't. He goes, Dad, we got to do that. I go, I can't do it, Max. I'm literally arguing with the fucking six year old. And I finally went, dawn. How did he go? I'm going to fuck. And she came in and was like, no, no, no, Daddy can.

Yeah, so we did the warm up and then we did a 30 minute core thing. Does it work? Like is it? It's a motherfucker, man. Yeah, it's great. But it's really good, man. I mean, really good.

I got a trainer though that's really cool. I mean, he's still on it. My trainer, my trainer, like I had something wrong, my back last week. And I was like, dude, I might not be able to come in. He's like, just come in here. Brought me in, he did this, these stretches. Fucking backfixed. And then he had me, he has me doing this shit, dude.

Like, I'm doing all this MMA workout shit to get my legs. He's working on my legs, my calves, my knees, and my core, and then my cardio. Like, my cardio is fucking back, you know, a lot. I was, it was bad. When I first went with them, I think, two months ago, I couldn't breathe. Like my heart rate was up to 160 something. I was like, dude, you know, he was like, you'll be alright, just relax. So now fucking killing it, push them on the cart, fucking doing the ropes.

The ropes is the fucking hardest. You do that every time. At the end of that workout, I feel like I'm about to puke. Yeah, he's got me doing a lot of great stuff. I think you you look Senate more sin than the last time I saw you. What would you do more confidence with that fight? Leave what you say. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

I think I think I'm like a different than at a other different time. I'm not going to say you look like an a fucking adonis in two weeks, but you look better. You look thinner. Yeah, but okay, that's weeks, but you look better, you look thinner. Yeah, but okay, that's fine, but you could say that with a little more fucking fluidity. I mean, you can't even give this kid a compliment. But I didn't, I didn't.

I didn't, you look more thin, I mean, you better than you, I mean, yeah, you're doing better. You basically said stutter and pick that. You basically said, you look less gross. It was that. Yeah. The stretching though, that'll fucking,

that really well fixed your, it helps you fix your, like, I got this massage envy membership, which is like 80 bucks a month and you get like a free massage or a facial or a stretching session. And I go in there and like, the massages don't fix my shit the way that like a full stretching session does, like I'll walk out of a stretching session. I'm like, my body feels like I'm 23. Yeah, stretching is yoga stretching is the fucking key. Yeah.

This guy stretched me out, like I went into a massage and it didn't help me. Yeah. He went to jerk me off of the end, I was like, this didn't even affect. I leave him like, it feels like I should go to a fucking women's shelter sometimes. I think fucking, they fuck you up.

I go to the Korean spot and in LA and recently I got a massage and I had a guy in one there before and a lady just got up and just started walking on me and I was like, what the fuck? And she's like holding a pole pushing down me with her full body weight. Love that. You love that? Yeah, I was like, no, I want to get the fuck out. Here's a problem with that.

It's not healthy because those ladies really don't know what they're doing. No, they don't. They really fuck you up. They really don't know you're doing. I had the best massage I ever had with a dude named Bill. He was fucking awesome. He knew he would dig in under my muscle with this. He would stick his finger in my armpit, under my muscle and release these trigger points

that I had from stress when they would just go like this. They lock up and they won't release. They just do that. Remembering shit from your childhood. That's the end of flashbacks. You're like, Jesus Christ, mom. You just smell the smell of com news. What the fuck?

What the fuck? I saw that, you see, what is that? That's Russian shit. Like a big, they hit you with like a big branch with leaves. What's the white shit? I think it's all about the com news. You go to the Russian spa rep over here on 10th in the East Village.

They do that? And they do co-ed day. So you're in the fucking, yeah, what are the leaf is that? It's like kale. No, what is it? No, it's, what is it? They've guarded it.

They found it. So you, it's an oak brand. So verzy, so verzy, you're in this fucking thing, right? It's in the basement. It's a spa. It's co-ed day. Okay, so it's girls and right? It's in the basement. It's a spot. It's co-ed day. Okay, so those girls and guys, and you're sitting there, it's so hot. You have little buckets in front of you that water's just dripping in constantly, and you're

just pouring it on yourself, because it's fucking hot. All of a sudden, this girl comes in, blonde, like, like, her size. Every time? No, this is just, I'm in there. Okay. The first time I went with this. So blonde, like, her comes in, right? Like, you know, her size. No, this is just, I'm in there. Oh, okay. The first time I went with this. So a blonde like her comes in, right? Like, you know, her size comes in.

These guys, two big fucking Russian guys in like little tiny swim trucks with those leaves, right? It's getting hot. And they start rubbing her down and beating in with these things. Her top just comes off. Now she's topless,

and but nobody gives a fuck, it's not like a thing. So I'm just sitting there like this. My eyes are hurting from fucking looking sideways. Literally I got a headache from doing this. Just like putting it back, it's fucking crazy. Crazy, right over in the massage place. What do the leaves do?

Is it like, what are they hit you with the leaves? I don't know he's gonna find out. Yeah, like exfoliates You're back and stuff. Did you just just find out stop making it right here. I would say Oak leaves to exfoliate my skin. Oh I love that Yeah, you actually nailed it exactly Really summed it up Yeah, you actually nailed it exactly. Yeah, really something up quick. Yeah. In the Korean ones, they rub you down with these giant brushes. I want nothing to do with that either.

I don't want giant flakes of my skin through the bathroom. Russian bath, right there, baby. Yeah. Yeah, that's right over here. It's like fucking cheap as shit, too. Great little steam. I heard, there's a, so I'm in an AA and this guy guy got got fingered in there got his butt fingered request no no request he was pretty fucked up about it by a woman no by a good by a dude wait a minute

We're like in the massage. I remember it from like 12 years ago this guy was like he came in and he was like I was getting a massage and I'm sorry to laugh. He was like, I was getting a massage and then he starts whelling up and he's like, and I got somebody put a finger on my butt. And he was, What do you mean whelling up? Oh, he started crying. Sorry, crying. Fucking pussy.

I was like, dude, I get that dude. You're not gonna cry, Verge. You're gonna go, hey, get your finger out of my ass. Vladimir. I mean, I've been in massages where they've done, they get in there and you're like, is am I being molested right now? They rubbed your bum?

Yeah, they'll get in there and I was like, if I am getting molested, I don't have time to be upset about it. So I'm not gonna like. I think the difference is there man or a woman a lot of times, she was just like, well, this old Korean lady's probably ain't trying to give me a.

I love that you keep saying, you keep saying to like you go to a legit massage. Everything you said in a shirt. I was like, I know where exactly where he was. You walk up my back, okay. Every gym. No, because you go to a massage school, they have poles on the fucking ceiling like strippers. It's a very reputable place in Los Angeles. It's called handshows.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do table showers. You learn that the first week in the size school. Okay, what you want to do is wash his asshole. What? That's what I'm doing. I, uh, uh, uh, you saw women. When you went in to get your, when they were rubbing your assholes at a woman or a man.

It was a guy. A guy. And it was a time when I requested a woman twice, and they were like, it's only a guy, but I was like, there's a woman here. And they're like, yeah, but it's only a guy, and I was like, was it a guy saying that? Yeah, and I was just like, all right, let's just fucking do it.

I was like, I didn't even care. This is why this is why guys, this is why I went, but he wasn't like, like, like going like the whole way, right? What do you mean? Like with his hands? What do you mean going the whole, he wasn't inside me. What do you mean?

What is he saying? Show on this doll where he's at. Well, Verzy's saying his slow down and tell story. Like, we're getting the life. Thank you, the music. You're the music. Oh, it's a straight. That's slowly tossed.

This is what I was like. That's what I'm not about whisper it. Can you make your voice seven octaves higher? Take the headphones off. How much do you think? I don't know. This is sexual assault. I mean, this is craziness.

Yeah, probably. I mean, look, just say why it's a assault. I mean, this is craziness. Yeah, probably. I was just saying why it's a guy. You know, they saw, okay, they saw the smoking hot blonde men and the guy was like, dude, dude, give her me, give her me. No, but can she's available? No, fuck that. You're fucking giving me. I'm gonna fuck. All right, dude. No, there's a woman. No, she's yeah, you're just a guy. No, but there's a woman right there. Yeah, no, it's just Gary. Right. And they as soon as you walk back there, we'll like this. Oh, yeah.

And they went, woo. And then he went back and he was on your stomach and he went in your butthole. Yeah. No, he was like, he was close to it. What up in the back? He was in the crack. He went in the crack down the bottom or up the top.

Up the top. But like in the middle of the, he was getting pretty close where I was like Here's the thing is like this might be racist because I I was like it doesn't count if he's Yeah, maybe now let me do something now Rose bud please now relax your shoulders I was gonna go down here. I'm gonna go down here. I'm gonna go down here to with a sunshine. I'm gonna put my thumbs up on my thumbs on you in the crack. Now this is the release your tension in your tits. It's a little bit.

Give me a favor, arch your back and pick your bum up just a little bit. I love your Asian accent. If he sounded like that, I wouldn't have that, I would have, they wouldn't have been assault, it would have been consensual. He sounded more like a woman than I do. Oh, really? So he was a gay guy. No, he wasn't gay, but I just, I,

If he was gay, would that be better for you? If he was like, I don't like pussy at all, I'm just gonna rub your ass off. Yeah, I'd be like, fine. Right now. So he was, so he was like a good move. But so there was a point where you like look I don't get time. Fucking just get this over with. If you're in your

zirtees, I feel like you're just like I don't care. I can't assault me. I can't. I've already been assaulted. Listen, stop. My listeners, listen, please. This is a figure of speech. Someone had jumped, please. I don't need this. Well, how long was he in there? I was like, fuck, what?

If I'm counting a straight. I'm like, fuck, what? That's what I mean. It was like five seconds. It was right. If I'm counting through it. I need to know the limits. I like how we went through that whole thing and then Mike just a leg goes so we had a man how long Brush down or either like five minutes

Let's count right now ready. I'm gonna count you stop me when he's I don't know I think I'll just try to figure it out. I'm gonna start counting. Bring her back to a band. Where is that? Fuck is it? I'll just do the third round. This is what this is. Here we go. Ready? Here we go. Ready?

Now, one, two, three, four, five. This is rape. Hey, nine. You're're gonna trouble later in life. 10, 11. It was way longer than all of this. Yeah, no, I was probably wondering about it for a good solid 20 to 30 seconds. And by the time I got to 30, I was like, well, we've already gotten past the point

where it would have been, you know what I mean? If I'm like, if I was comfortable enough to speak up, then I think, you know what I mean? If I'm like, if I was comfortable enough to speak up, then I think, you know what I mean? So, this is so, and this was during all the Me Too shit, like right at the top of the Me Too shit, and I was just like, well, this is why we don't speak up. It's just, this is so fucking casual.

Yeah, that's pretty ballsy of this guy too. I'm talking to Me Too, he's like, check this out. I mean, I don't even think this place had internet access. I was really, really. You know, he goes Gary with his mom's name. He goes Gary, count to 30. I guess. Gary's right behind him.

Like, why is it Gary? And he's pulled and and at the time, he pulled the, you know how they have the sheet or whatever, they pull the sheet down. Right away. No, he was under the sheet. Oh, yeah, he pulled the sheet down. Wait a minute. That's not that's not that's not. Yeah. I mean, what did he lead with that? Yeah. Well, because I was like, well, you walk in there, there's signs that says, no, and the pinky, I was like, there's definitely a pinky.

Yeah, you cannot legally as a masseuse. Cause my wife's working in Son of an Assel. Oh, sorry. Oh, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long as Andrew, that's a thumb drawer, that's a long. That's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long,

that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long,

that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, long, that's a long, that's a long, a long, that's a long, that's a long, that's a long, long, long, that's a long, that's a long, long, that's a long. So could it as a as a massage therapist, you have to cover you cover you can have a butt cheek out, but you can't be fully naked. You have to have the other leg covered. There's the way they do it. They pick it and tuck it so they don't see your junk or your vagina or your private parts. They will have just your leg. But if you go to enough of those like places where you know that With the guys are getting jerked off then you also know that you're gonna be assaulted Whoa and I The guy pulls the sheet off like he's about to do a magic trick What I signed up for you know at that point you know this guy just took my sheet off

Yeah, there's not a rabbit in my fucking life. Yeah, he's like, they're like picking up the phone while they're doing it too. They're so casual. Yeah, it's like, it's a shit show. Well, if you're taking pictures, what's he doing back there? Where was it? I mean, he's picking up a lens. You think he's got a cell phone?

He's literally picking up a landline. Was he? Was he at three o'clock? Yeah. He was Asian. That's why I said, I was like, I think it's racist. You let an old, was he? Three o'clock? Yeah. He was Asian. That's why I said, I was like, I think it's racist. You let an old Asian guy rub your ass all over. I did.

I gotta stop. I did too. Yeah, but he didn't get in there. She said it was near it. Yeah, it was in there. It was, it was around the rim. He cleaned the cube. It's a rubber band.

So he couldn't, he'd have to watch his hand before he ate. Yes. I would have. Oh, you want to pink eyes? I have to watch my whole body afterwards. I have to say, I told you, I want to massage place. And I looked down 20 minutes into the massage, I saw Guy Feet and women's fucking flip flop. I looked up, the guy went, we were busy.

What are you gonna do? Keep jerking, I had no kidding, you jerked me out. Yeah, that's well, whatever man. Well, look, if you don't give a fuck, if you're fine with it, then I believe. It's not even that you're fine with it. It's like you're fine, you're not fine with it, but you're also like, I don't have the time.

But the question too though, don't you think that other cultures, maybe like Chinese or a European, don't give a fuck about your ass or your vagina or your breasts? Like in that Russian spa, no, it wasn't a sexual thing. Yeah.

Nobody saw, it's like so lot tits. Yeah. And these guys were massaging her and they didn't know and cared about her breasts. It wasn't a sexual thing. Nobody saw, it's like so let tits. And these guys were massaging her, and they didn't know and cared about her breasts. You go to another country, nobody cares about breasts over China or any of that. No, Europe, Europe. They're like all naked in spas,

and nobody even addresses. It reminds me of, it reminds me of a Korean town in LA, everyone's naked in the spa. No, in my spa, in Korean town, everyone's naked in the spot. In my spot, in the Korean town, everyone's naked. It's not a spa. Not women. It's different floors, and then there's a co-ed floor.

You got to put on clothes. There's levels. Yeah, there's one with a lot of cameras. It's called We Spop. It's like the best spa. That's a sex club. No, you can't be naked on the same floor as the opposite gender.

So there's like, it's Korean families running around. Like, there's like old, there's like grandparents with grandkids there. Right. Right, let me see this. We spot. There's children there. Oh, now I'm hungry.

Yeah, I can't fucking get rubbed down. And then he like at the same place. Not the way you get rubbed down. But he's going, he's just getting the most solid shit. Fucking get down. Oh, they have one of these places in Jersey. Yeah.

So this is like, oh, this is like a traditional career spot. Yeah. And it's levels and all kinds of steam rooms. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You go to winter room, right? In the summer room.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a winter. There's one in Jersey. Wait, I have a question. When you go to a Rubin Tug. Yeah. How quickly do they get your arm? I'll tell you, you're ready.

If they do it right away, it's a shit place. It's a shit place. If they want to do is first, they give you a nice back rub. And then by the end of it, it kind of tees you enough to where, you know, and then they graze you. I'm fucking nine times where you just like, and then they roll you over and it's done. And they're like, okay, you volcano. And then they finish the rest of the massage.

That's when I, so they don't even have to touch it. You just roll over and come. Well, sometimes you just, you're just like, oh my God, but some day. One of the ladies made me do it, which I was kind of offended. No, you do it. That actually is offensive. Yeah, it's fucking annoying. She's like, I don't want to. Yeah, she was, but I don't think it was a masturbation place.

I think I was pushing her in the wrong direction. Do you remember when she was a regular? I went to a foot massage place. massage place and she jerked you off. No, and I was younger dude and I rolled over and I just had a fucking rager dude. And she was like, nah, nah, and I was like, nah, I know. I'm already, I just like, I'm not asking. Yeah. I know, I don't know what you want me to tell you.

She said, it felt good. Well that's what happens want me to tell you. I like. Well, that's what happens because of blood starts. They start fucking making your blood starts moving. And then that should happen. Being touched by somebody, it just feels good. And if you can eliminate the, if you can eliminate, I have to be married or they have to be intimate or we have to know each other. And it's just touching. If you, if you feel that and the massage, it would, they relax the fuck out of you.

It feels good. When that guy was rubbing your legs or your glutes, it just, it was like, look, man, it doesn't matter. It feels good. I don't think that's what Rose Bud said. No, no, that's not what I said. But as we said, and when I go to tell the story later, it's what Rose Bud said. No, no, that's not what I said. But, so as you said, and when I got to tell a story later,

I thought that's what I heard. So, were you, you didn't give a fuck? Did it feel good? There's just worse shit that's happened to me. So I don't, I just, I look at it and just go from the, where you from, Detroit? No, what happens?

No, I'm just like, you know, you can do a certain, I have a fucking joke about it, where I'm just like, I'm not, I I can't do I'm not gonna do the joke But like you can't you tell us no it's disgusting No I do this hit you You know what hit it's fuck yeah, I Jesus, now we're in fucking not fun zone.

No, I mean, I'm not trying to do that. Can I ask you question? You really, they're? I didn't think she was fucking beat up first. I thought maybe someone rubbed her, can I tell you somebody else rubbed her ass off? Can I tell you something? Do guys rub my ass? I mean, I think it's gonna get worse. I had an ice-kate rubbed my ass off at a festival.

But I'm not, but I don't look, I don't look at that and go, oh God, I'm such a, I've been, you know what I mean? Because I've been through so much therapy and I've like, and I'm so much better now, but it doesn't really matter to me. Like I look at that whole scenario and I go, eh, whatever. You're not okay with it, but it doesn't stop you.

Well also like once you've been with somebody that does that, you go, oh, I know exactly what to look out for. I know exactly what that guy kind of did me a fucking favor. He would say that, but like, but like he did in the way that I can look at the situation and go, oh, now I know what kind of guy is fucked up. And I can, and I can see it. If somebody's wearing more than three accessories, he hits women. That's, I'm telling you right now.

Look at Ashton. Is he easy, if he owns fucking bandanas for bracelets He's a fucking You describe Ridge of us. Yeah, yeah, I did I hope he's listening Where exactly three exactly just look down you're like How long will you if you don't mind me as how long are you in that toxic relationship? I was in it for two years. Wow. Two years.

But it didn't get, you know, it's like any relationship, he looked exactly fucking like that. You did it in that, so. You had that fucking bracelet. And so like, what do you, You had a candy bracelet? No, the fucking leather coughs, shit. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Where it's like, you're fighting off homosexuality. You did it. You did it, Johnny Jeff. You had to. He was like a knockoff, yeah. You did it, Johnny Jeff. He was like a knockoff. Yeah. You did a knockoff, Johnny. That's hard. He was from Staten Island, which is your first red flag.

Is he a town? Yeah, he was Greek. Okay. I'm from Staten Island. He was Greek. He was worse. Was it Yannis? I don't know.

Yeah, it was Yannis. No. You're half. You can't really get me out of me. But you know what? But when you, I think I think you had a pick, if you had a pick between Greek or Italian, oh, Yannis and I just went to a certain thing.

He tells me that I'm more Greek because it's my mother. Which one? Which one would you pick? I can't. If they were like, you have to either be full Italian or full Greek, what would you pick? Oh my God. Dude, that's just, just say it.

Just say it. I don't even know. I have to think about it. I'll tell you right now. What? Italian. Italian. I see. Absolutely know. I have to think about it. I'll tell you right now. What? Italian. I don't know.

Italian, I see. You absolutely Italian. You're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're

a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're You'd be attached to it. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with Bobby though. I think different cultures don't look at this shit the way that we do. This guy told me that his company went out to Japan to eat. Yeah. And he goes, we're all eating. And we flew out there.

They took care of the company. And then he said we had dessert. And then he goes, after dessert, Asian women came down the pole. And you had a choice if you wanted a blowjob. What? Well, I'm not going to say that. I had no, I didn't say that.

I didn't mean it. No, you said like some culture had no, I didn't say that. No, you said like some culture. No, I didn't. I said, wait, where did we go? I like black alcohol. And then I came back and he was talking about Asian women. Look, I didn't say circus. I said, wait, stop. Wait, I want to fucking get out of this. I said, other countries, women, breasts are being naked. They don't care about. I didn't say, you can go to another country and a fucking chick comes down and rope and blow you up. But that's so cool.

I'm just saying that like they look at it like a release. That's, that's, that's, I'm not, I'm just saying that like they look at it like a release. That's that dude. That's I'm not I'm not for that. I'm a married. But first of all, if me you are a rich driver, fucking two Japanese would have spiraled down on the fuck. Well, you want to handle jobs. We'd be like, why?

It's probably the same way it. Does that work? That's a lot. Dude, I was told, first of all, how would it be? It's a lot of source. They come downstairs and they're like, without any mess. He said that they ninja is how they stepped it without anybody seeing them. It's a Japanese company in the United States, but they have to go out to Japan and sometimes they get hosted dinner.

They get hosted dinner. I tried to look up Japanese blowjob restaurant and it's only porn videos. No, no, but it wouldn't, it would, I'm just telling you what I heard. And I'm not fucking, you guys are, wait, wait, wait, wait, don't make it like I'm into this. You're making it.

No, no, no, no, I just told you what I heard when you were going with the culture thing. I'm not into this. I wouldn't do this. All right, it was a fucking far cry from what I was saying. Well, you said different cultures. Like, sex is not a big deal like sex is not a big deal. Sex is not a big deal.

Yeah, but you're, so I mean, this is a whole set of me. You're talking about poor girls who are in boxes in a roof. And at a certain time, someone rings a bell when these American assholes want a head and they're gonna fucking spin down while people have an mochi and then blow these guys. Okay, so I was saying, I mean, am I right, ladies? I don't know what's happening.

I don't know either. No, thank you. I think Paul just didn't want to answer if he would be Italian or Greek. Oh, he's running kind of whole and blowing him. Yeah, see this stuff grosses me off. That's disgusting. Make it sexy.

Not raw fish. That's gross. Make it sushi. That's an L.A. Is that a tuna roll? That's a. Make it sushi. Not raw fish. That's gross. Make it sushi. Is that a tuna roll? That's stupid. Can you, I just feel that is going to be the worst job in the fucking world to watch men's mouths like the way they eat. Oh, yeah.

They're just spitting all over you. It's disgusting. But they haven't fought. What happened to this podcast? It went from Russian, we have a good time and then we're fucking, we have a good time and then we fucking we're trying to get out of The we're trying to get out of her abuse story you guys Well, you guys act like if a woman takes a punch It's like the worst thing in the world like you haven't taken one. You know what I mean you you fucking live through it

It's not the worst thing in the world. Yeah, yeah, I want to talk about it. Yeah, what happened? So he was like he was a drinker, right? I joke about it in my act all the time. I talk about how he's like, he was too drunk to land a punch. That's what, that's what I love comedy. This is what comedy exists. Yeah. Well, this is also, this is also why Rosebud is good at what she does and is funny because she can do that.

I was just about to say the same thing. Okay, I'm sorry. Until you took over my fucking little platform, I was going to be on. Okay. I was just not going to fucking do. I'm sorry, but until you took over my fucking little platform, I was gonna be on. I don't know if we're fucking doing pep talks together now. Okay, well, you know. It's true though, you get a chance to fucking get revenge on every single person that's ever done anything bad to you by making fun of them and saying,

I can fucking laugh at this. But you also, if there's a girl that has this happened to her, that's a secret about her, that's not gonna be. All of a sudden, there's this really cool girl on stage talking about this, making you laugh, and you're like, all right, I feel all right. I feel all right about this.

This makes me feel good. I'm not so fucked up. So tell me what happened. Tell me what happened. Yeah, I think it's empowering, because nobody fucking talks about this shit. And I think when you, when you've been through it, you go, oh, that's gotta be like this week.

Like you think of a woman who's like taking a punch as like a week like, oh God, he does it because he loves me. It's like you can be intelligent and still get in a relationship with a guy that likes to throw pasta, hot pasta and shit. You know what I mean? Like there, like there's a lot of crazy fucking friends.

And like dream if my wife did that to me. I've got a hot, this rough every day. I'm color of colors. What'd you say? Well, and there's part of it, just rough every day. I'd call her a cunt. What'd you say? Well, and there's part of it, that's that too. There's like part of it where you're like, all this guys off the fucking, he's out of his mind. He's like, he's so fucking crazy.

He's got a fuck really well. And like, you think of them like that. And you're like, this is gonna be the hottest relationship in my life. And then, you know, six months later, he's in the shower and you're googling, boin in the shelters. Oh, boy. And he's probably got so so drunk he can't even get his dick. I, I, I, I actually when I was single I, I, I dated a lot of, look, I was, I, I think

when I was single I was, I was sick too. I was, I was out there looking for sick relationship. Yeah. And I dated a lot of girls. One of the fucking, one of my greatest relationships ever was with this girl and it was sexually fucked up right we she We I remember she we would fight and scream and yell at each other and she scratch me and she was such a fucking annoying Asshole, yeah, and I would put up with all of it

I mean it was abuse on my end and then we'd have the sex that was fucking stupid. Yeah. And then we'd be so loving. That's why you do it. And then we'd go back to this other thing. It was fucking a nightmare. I was like, this is a sick relationship. This is part of whatever the fuck's wrong with me.

Yeah, right. And whenever the fuck's wrong with her is somehow meshing and ripping apart and going together. And it's like, I can't be without you, but I can't fucking be with you. But those relationships are the thing that make you go, you went, like what you said, it's the thing that's fucked up in you. Cause we're all equally responsible

for creating our own relationships. So when you are in something like that, you're like, well, what in me is like making this happen? And once you start asking that question and you can answer it, then you're kind of done with the whole thing. Like the whole thing just kind of dissolves. And it's like it ends like two boxers at the end

of a fucking fight where they're just too exhausted and keep going. The best sex I've had in my life has been with girls I could never be with. Right. I could never be with them Right, and then you could never be with them. There was something they're chemistry wise. It was fucking not good. Yeah.

It's sexually something happened because sex has always been a fucked up thing in my life. Since I was a little boy, well the way I learned about sex was fucked up. Everything about sex was fucked up. Did you learn about sex? Um, I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean

I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean

I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean

I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I. I love him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, come to Cellar Vegas, man. Check it out. There's the ad me and Gabby made. Click on that. Click on that at Scroll Up.

Scroll back, you fuck. Scroll up. Scroll up. Scroll up. The other way down, I mean. Where was it? It was just right there, Gabby. Right, it got off.

Uh, oh, sorry guys listening. Hey girls, we have a lot of girl listeners, you know, that was me burping. Scroll down. It's right there. Not there. Scroll down. Robert Kelly, son, I say scroll down. That means that way when I say scroll up, that means that way.

Go my way, not you away. Scroll up. Scroll down. Scroll up. Good. All right, you away. Scroll up. Scroll down. Scroll up. Good. All right, go back. Go back.

Click on back. Away from the path. Go back. Go back. Now, click on it. Where is it? Scroll down. What?

What's happening? Go up. See where it says comedy. Silver brunch is worse than me talking about getting it. Right. I want to ask you guys, comedy shall I go. What's your goal? It's the hottest coming Vegas. Listen, I know the opening. There's a bunch of comedy clubs in Vegas, and I know they just don't put up a new one. There's no club

better than the comedy. So the Vegas, it's fucking hands down because why they put the comics that are here that go here there, okay? All these fuckers work here, okay? And they're out there. They got four comics to a 20 minutes each just like the seller Everybody's murdering and it's an amazing club and it's just like the VU They replicated it and they keep putting more money into the club to make it better and better and better Versus I've been there you've been there. I'm hopefully going soon. Yeah, cool and Rosa, you have been there? I didn't Past oh here yet. No, oh my god. You fucking you look the fuck's up with that But yeah, so it's great go to comedy so Vegas. What else Mike? You're a patreon maybe you know cons last Robert Kelly Okay, yeah, well like we said before I took some of those the life and the sheds we took the calm one and put it on

on the What you're calling the YouTube but on the YouTube I'm where you find them first and for the longest we've got them over a year before they came up on YouTube Yeah, so there you go. We put them up there. We're gonna be shooting more life in the Sheds I'm gonna be actually putting calls out right after this week to shoot in a couple weeks before I go to Montréal and then you know one-on-one just stuff like that I've kind of been a little lazy with it this last A couple weeks, but I'm heading back into this and we're gonna be doing it full steam ahead

Coming up after the fortulite patreon.com. That's what I'm gonna tell you what else was you always get this podcast earliest on there I'm also on an audio, skankfest. When that comes out, we are not able to show that on YouTube in its full entirety. That's what you pay down only the most. If you're a fan of this podcast, you're not a member of that. If you're not donating five bucks a month to do that,

you're out of your fucking mind. It's five bucks. It's one cup of coffee for 30 days of shit. And you have so much content to catch up on up there and skankfest live, the blow job competition. Oh my God. What's in saying? No, there was not. Yeah. There was not real blow jobs. All right, here's what I'm going to tell you what we did. Okay, ready? Five years ago, maybe six years ago on this show, we did a live show. I used to do live shows of the video.

And we had a blowjob competition between Bailey J, beautiful transgender point star, my friend, and Louis J. Gomez. Louis said he could beat her. So we got a penis and Louis had to suck it. Not real though. He blew it. Well, he sucked it.

Not a real penis, a dildo. That's right, right, okay. A dildo., he sucked it. Not a real deal though. He said, he blew it. So he blew it and Lewis won hands down. He sucked the dick. Bayley J tapped out. She's a point star. She was like, he wins.

There's no way I could suck it up better than that. So Lewis go and he did a good job. And I had it. It was on YouTube for a long time. We had to take it down because Lewis was on last comic standings and it was a kill dude. I'm a real ass dude. But can you take that, me, you're talking to your dick, you have to hand it to me.

I was like, you got it, pal. So we did a, we had a belt made, a dildo belt made championship belt. And we had a blowjob competition for the belt. But Lewis had a replica of his cock made, which was blue, but it was his dick. And we had volunteers from the two, but they were winning a huge practice pack. They won tickets to Creeps of Kids. They won tickets to Skankfest Houston. They won all this shift from CBD. They got all this stuff. And four guys went up, three straight guys, one gay guy. And they went up to challenge straight guys, one gay guy,

and they went up to challenge for the belt. And the guy who won, don't give it away. That's what the people got to spend the money to see. I'm not gonna know, but the guy who won really deserved it. It was, let me tell you something, watching straight guys suck a dick is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Cause they try to do too much.

Like they think they're, and you're like, it's like in Brisbane. It was hilarious. It was fucking hilarious. Plus I staged of Joe did, Joe DeRosa. I mean, Joe, let's fucking crazy.

It was fucking awesome. The show was great. We burned Rich Foss's hat again. Oh, good. Which was great. It was one awesome. The show was great. We burned Rich Voss's hat again. Oh, good. Which was great. It was one of the funniest podcasts live. We've ever done. It was fucking hilarious. And those fans at that festival, God bless all of you, but it's only going on Patreon because we can't put it up on YouTube. So there you go. Patreon.com. What else? That's it. Crypts with kids tour. Can they kick off at JFKN all you said. Yep. So make sure you get your tickets there. And what's about the T-shirts?

So yeah, T-shirts. Remember to be happy. What is it? Remember to be happy.com. Yeah, go there. I like that Buddha dude, hoodie. Yeah, that's the new one. Click on the hood. That's cool.

The hoodie has the glasses, right? Yeah, it does. Let me see it. Click on it. Let's see that. Click on it. Let's see that big fucker. You have the... I have stocked it. We have a stock now.

We're going to get the t-shirt. We're going to get that fixed, dude. If you order it, should you go in class? Yeah, but they got to see that. Yeah. Because they might not want that. That has to be changed. There you go.

Oh, there you go. I love that. That's great. It looks great, right? Is a podcast over? We're getting there, yeah. We're close. I'm gonna listen to this. We'll do, yeah.

Oh, you can edit that out or? We're all this. No, we got to fucking plug. Oh, yeah, I'm joking. Jesus, I'm just saying we had something go, why are you looking at me like that? I'm gonna know I was tired. Oh, man.

Hi, what do you got Rosebots? I am gonna be at JFL Toronto in September. Oh, oh, yes, all 42 in September. Yeah, and I'll be out in LA and oh, I'll be in DC in August. Oh, my shit is on my website, which I need to update because it says nothing on it. Um, no events. It just says nothing. I haven't I haven't fucking updated this shit. I got it. My sister texts me every month and's like up to your website. Anyway, it'll be up tomorrow at realfootbaker.com. It's awesome.

She's like fucking up to your website, you loser. Hi, what do you got, verse? I got this week coming up. I got Borgata with Angela Luzata and Janis. And then I have, why is it not there? I don't know, why is it not there? Gotta update your website. It's all updated.

Mine for some reason, there's just a bunch of fucking, oh, is that yours or mine? Yeah, do your shit stuff coming up. Oh, mine is there. No, you know what's funny? I just looked on mine as well, and I have a bunch of those random commas on my squares. No, okay, so it might be, but anyway,

so I've, we I've forgotten this week, Moegan's son next week, then I'm going to be at the Pittsburgh improv and I'm going to be headlining my favorite club, my home club to headlining New York, Gotham comedy club, late September. All of the dates are on the website. I don't know why it looks like that right now because it was updated this week. But check it out later. No, now I'm actually like on panties, fucking people. All right, listen, you know, you're gonna get a eat over this. Well, get heated. It's fucking. I'm trying to self take us these cocksuckers take a monthly fee.

The fuck? You fucking anything be fucking right. I'm gonna get a call. I mean, can anything be right? They want fucking 180 whatever it is a month or whatever. And you know, oh, you need to update. Oh, we'll do it the right way Right and I'm on a fucking great podcast and I'm trying to plug the shit

This is what I got nothing fucking works. Well, you stopped it works. It's not nothing works. It works. It doesn't It's it's not working. It's not working Trying to talk about a fucking life. You gotta point though. He's gotta be mumbled and all the way to fucking North-Hand and what fucking salons tonight. That's a fuck. I'm gonna get a call, Burr's gonna get a call. We're all gonna get a, do what the fuck, man. I got fucking dates.

I'm on a platform. I can be fucking doing this. This is dead. Mine's in the same share right now. What do you got? What do you got? What do you got? I'm gonna be able to, what do you got?

Go back to that. You look like you're doing magic tricks in every head shot. Scroll down. And for my next trick. Look at that one. Go back up. I hate you. I hate you.

Scroll down the exact next shot. And there you go. Why is this working? Is that your card? Where do I got coming up? I'm going to be headwind in the lap shop when I incaligate. I'm gonna have an who the fuck. He's looking at candy. What are you doing? He's looking at dick. You're adorable. I'm gonna

have an it skyline and Apple Tim was content. I'm gonna have I'm gonna be headlin in DC. I'll put those dates up tomorrow. So Miami dates are no good. And then no good. We can just got moved again. And then I'm going to be in New York for the summer. So if you want to see my New York City, I'll be doing spots all over. Hey, man, it's gonna fucking fun one.

Yeah, this is really. I didn't ruin it. Did I? Is it going to be another two years before I'm fucking? You like that? I'm glad you opened up about it. You talked about it. But that was fun.

No, you're great. There's a fucking good. I'm exhausted too, man. I'm glad you opened up about it. You talked about it. But that was fun. No, you're great. There's a fucking Opened up about it. Well, I said we have you answered my question She brought it up. I didn't know I did no, no you said you asked when you asked what happened to what I didn't I didn't I didn't What happened? What I just went I just went what happened? I don't know where, I don't know. You were like, oh, I don't mean, and she goes, no, no, it's fine. I don't understand what.

What did she say for me to go, what happened? I want to know if I'm going to be invited back. You're happy. You come back whenever you want. All right, great. Listen, I want to know, I want to know what, when I said what happened, what was said before that for me to go, you know, just go, what happened?

How do I know what happened? There's nothing that happened. Just the way that it happened, you asked her. She said, I got hit. My boyfriend out on this. She said, I used to get hit, I went what happened. She said, I got hit, I said what happened. Why wouldn't you say that?

I showed no, I'm gonna steam roll, I gotta just get hit by my boyfriend. Anyways, we got laughable dot com. That's my fucking piece of garbage. That should be the segway to laughable.com. We've had some great segways to that. Michael, where you going? I'll be next week.

I'll be with Mike Fini and Uncle Vinny's. That's a no. Daddy. I'll be with Yannis Poppos, the 18 through 21st at Lafayla in San Antonio and Rich Voss. I'll be with him in October of the next month as well. Wow boy. That's fucking nice. Well, where does probably fucking stuff?

What? What do you got? I have a monthly show in Brooklyn at the way station. First Wednesday of every month called Jiggy with it and I have a new podcast out called Unabashed Podcast. I can't stand your Promotions you love them. You've literally called me and you said I love them. I didn't have said that you did oh you did I was drunk And follow Bobby at Robert Kelly live at Instagram and podcasts. Why could it be dude podcasts follow Gabby at Gabby is Brian and follow Mike at Mike

V. Suarez and Mike a Brucey Mike a Brucey, what do you got besides fucking cool tattoos and a fucking finger that could fuck any such. I also have a podcast. Yeah, I'm at Michael Brucey and also for media and you can listen to my podcast. Yeah, nice. Nice. That I'm a big Italian cock. I'm sorry. I didn't want to say that. What the fuck? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. What the fuck? I don't know. I don't know. Hey, Chrissy on the couch. Yeah. Hered your laugh, baby.

What's up? I got a sneaker podcast. Some podcasts you can go with that with Lawrence Loach. And then for the live listeners, I'm going to be in Maryland this weekend. You can DM me at at notthatgene.com or not that chiny to know where that are you performing. You're just going to be there. I'm going to perform. Take care.

I don't have the places as well as a DM me. Well, wait a minute. You don't know where you perform in this week. This was the last second like right before the podcast. He was like, you want to come to Maryland? I was like, all right. You've had two hours to find out your clock soccer. I was paying attention to the show. Oh, soccer. Pay attention to the show.

Oh, good answer. Good answer. Well said. You guys are the best fans in the fucking world. Zach, what have you got? Zach, then you get. It's in America. It's fucking awesome.

I love you guys. Thanks for having me. Happy, I was talking to the fans. Oh. Oh. I was talking with the fans. Oh On your party. No, it's not gonna Well, you God Was that it's not gonna. They've it's they changed the weather has to shift it Weather has shifted

What I You fucking heard me. Well, what do you mean? What's up? I'm gonna be me balls of sauce No, it's gonna be sausage and peppers is the Italian dish, but then you know, it's gonna There's no sauce. It's gonna be burger. It's gonna be dogs. I don't know I know we might do a late night sauce like the two in the morning. Oh, two in the morning sauce? We're gonna murder me. Oh yeah, we have, you know, it's three parties. What about our DNA that we're gonna give?

What the fuck? What do you mean three parties? What are you worried about? They're gonna cut your stomach off, so it's gonna be fun. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And a call back at the end of the show. You see guys.

Okay. You know what, dude? Uh-huh. Back at the end of the show. You see guys. You know what, dude? Huh. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.

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