Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Oil Money
Episode Date: July 22, 2019This episode Joe DeRosa sits in for Bobby with guests Jared Freid and Sharrod Small as they go over viral fame, misguided altruism, and take a moment to remember who we’ve lost. Learn more about you...r ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com
Welcome to the funniest podcast on the Planet Earth.
This is going to be a clash to fire.
It's podcast, it's no rules.
I'm sure I've already said should I regret it?
Can I get a microphone?
No, that's so far.
That was trying to keep it like a comic.
I have a bunch? Oh, that's a fuck! That was trying to keep it like a comic-ing.
I have a bunch of guys on.
It's just us sitting down and yapping sometimes.
It's hilarious, sometimes it's 10-no-topics, no directions.
I love doing it.
Play both sides of the coin!
That's how it all holds her.
That's how you motherfuckers want her to do it.
My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life.
You never know. You're the one with killings, you're the one to my cast,
unwhitecast.gov.
Hey, welcome to you know what, dude.
This is not Bobby Kelly.
Just Joe DeRosa, a guest host thing for the man himself
who is out somewhere.
I don't know where he is. I don't know if he's
sick. No one knows. I don't know if he's hurt. No one knows. But he said, where are you guest
host? The pod man. So here I am. Here you are.
Yes, toasting. And he couldn't have even he goes, the fans will love it. The fans will
love it if you guest host. They'll get a real kick out of it. And he doesn't even play
the old music that
I wrote, the throwback. Yeah. To set it up like this is a, this is like a weird throwback
episode.
It's kind of one of those things like saying the kids will love it if you babysit for
them. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What we do, it's a way to pump you up with some, you know, easy thing to say, hard thing
to prove. Yeah, exactly.
You're not going to go to the fans, but you guys are actually excited for this.
I agree.
Yeah, I agree.
It's easy.
It's an easy sell.
Yeah, I kind of, we worked closely in booking this together.
I called him yesterday, I go, Bobby, when Leno guest toasted for Carson, do you think he
had to reach out to guests to be like, hey, dude, I'm hosting that tonight.
You're all kidding.
Is there anybody I can text?
Get some people you like.
Yeah, I like them.
People make a your job now.
Yeah, and I assume all positions.
Yeah, and then I immediately regretted comparing him to fucking Carson.
Like the mistake.
He did have a good point though.
He goes, well, when Leno, he goes, when
Leno gets those for Carson, the guests didn't run for the fucking hills. So I was like,
that's a fair, you know, it's a fair. I said, Bill, Bob, all my Boston friends blend
together. They're all one friend, one anyway, we're in studio with the whole crew.
Yep. Right? And Jared Fried. And Jared Fried. That's me.
This is the biggest problem for you right now is you have to go around and say hi to
everybody. Hi. And names. That's well, I'd be stressing out now.
I'll follow you. I'm not going to try to do it.
Yeah. Just say you will know whose name I know and who's name I don't.
The whole show.
But we're here with Blondie, the nose, buzz cut and chopper.
And chopper.
There we go.
Oh, chopper.
Yeah.
Oh, well.
Why chopper?
I don't know.
He just looks like a chopper, too.
Yeah, I like that.
Thank you.
Like he rides a motorcycle. Oh, that's real big. Oh, and that guy, the pun man, my man, punzy. Yeah. Oh, good old punzy on the cat. Punzy.
And I'm sorry, you are. I'm Jared Freak. I'm nature's myself. We haven't been properly
introduced. Yeah, no. It's good to be here with everybody. Bobby doesn't prep for this as far as I understand.
So I have not prepped a goddamn thing. I would like to start by talking about
Beggle Boss winning in the Beggle Boss.
Well, I mean, have you had listened to the story's marinated for you? Is this not a self-inflicted gunshot wound waiting to happen?
I mean, the fucking guy goes viral and then now he's selling merch.
Now he's leaning into it and people are taking pictures with him and goofing on him to
his face and he's like, he's playing along.
And he's like, he's like, love it.
I'm like, this is bad, man.
This is not good.
This is an unstable man that you're throwing into the spotlight right now.
And I don't wish any, I don't wish any ill will on the guy, which the best form.
But I mean, show business is so fucking disgusting.
The media is so fucking disgusting.
They're so fucking disgusting.
I mean, this picture of him is wild.
Look at this.
TMZ, those pigs swinging, you know.
What is this? Who is this guy? What happened?
He he okay.
So there was a video of him and a can you pull a video?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't we don't have a staff on my podcast. We might be the last podcast to talk about this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This has happened.
This feels it's so funny that like, you know, Dusha the day kind of goes by every
day.
Yeah.
And this feels like it was seven years ago at this point, even though it happened Friday.
Yeah, this literally came out of, yeah, Thursday or Friday.
And it's Tuesday now.
And we're like, oh, we're going to be doing that.
You know, like, now he's already on internet.
This is how it happens in the spoof of how it happens.
Yeah.
Friday, he's America's loser and Tuesday merch.
Yeah, this is literally like that Dustin Hoffman movie where he's back in the dog.
He's a hero.
Well, Wagger Dog and then also hero where he's like the homeless guy that they turn into the
hero.
I don't know that media.
They create a media frenzy.
Anyway, okay, so it's not I never saw it.
You never saw I'm basing that on what I remember from the trailer.
I thought you meant the bagel wasn't when I came off. I came out. This is the bagel boss video.
No, see, look at where I already at comments on the bagel boss video videos. Like this,
to me, it's like he's not interesting. I think internet dad is the real one.
Like this guy, Waltz is into a a big shop. He acts like a dick.
Someone starts taping him. He looks at these women and goes and yells about dating apps and his
overall feeling on how women can just say that men are five eights so they should go to hell.
And and then he turns to the counter person tells them to stop laughing at him.
Then a guy gets involved says shut the fuck up. says, you shut the fuck up. Then a third guy comes in, tackles them end
of video.
And there was one, yeah, let's, because you never saw it, you said?
No.
All right. So let's, it's really an unbelievable study to me on what you're allowed to make
fun of and what you're not allowed to make fun of on the internet. It's all bullshit.
It's bullshit because the, the, bullshit because the goal lines change every day.
Like the field goals.
Okay, here it is.
So basically somebody said he was short.
Yeah, he really sets him off because he's very short.
But he does have a history.
Is it real?
It's a crack operation here at the event. But he does have a history.
To realize this, it's a crack operation here at the man, you know what through podcasts. Oh, and crack.
Dude, where's the fucking shankin'?
You got to lay on pressure and then we get things right.
We got it now.
Yeah, sideburns, man.
All right, so to get, look, the guy, you get it. I got it, I got it.
It's screaming and it gets tackled.
So now everybody, so then everybody goes on the internet, this goes on barstool sports
and all these other things and it gets huge.
Of course.
Yeah.
Cause it's a funny video.
You see a little guy screaming to get tackled.
That it is factually funny.
Yeah, it's very funny.
That's the thing we're like, okay, I'm happy we can all agree.
Little guy mad that people don't respect little guy.
Yelling about it hilarious.
We can come together as a country to agree on that.
Well, I mean, and also that video does not pain him in a great light.
It makes him look like he hates women.
And he has this issue without women treated him. Yeah, so he's angry. He makes him look like he hates women. And as he has this issue with how women treat him.
Yeah, so he's angry. He gets tackled. I think when everybody first saw the video, it was
almost like inappropriate justice being served. People were kind of like, yeah, this little
guy just got tackled. He's being an asshole. Yeah. And then that quickly switched when people
saw his other videos. Apparently this guy has a lot of
altercations in public. He puts them all up online. This is what he does. This is what he does.
That's a job. Almost always about him being short. And he screams at people. He's living in his car.
He reveals in one video. All these therapy. He's a very famous pretty big. He's not, here's the thing.
You watch two of these videos. You go, this guy is not, this is not a guy
just overreacting. This guy's something, something he needs like therapy, like something's not
right.
Absolutely.
So now what happens is TMZ and the rest of the pig media get their fucking hands on this,
right? And TMZ immediately signs him to a contract to do a celebrity bout with somebody,
meaning somebody else who's as desperate as this guy is.
That's not right.
Because they prey on these fucking people who literally a guy living in his car, how can
we exploit that?
What will he do for money?
Oh, anything.
We'll pay him to fight.
It's basically those like, bum fights videos from the early 2000s.
Yeah.
Somebody's already got him on cameo, which means some fucking scumbag fucking publicists
came out of the woodwork.
Cameo reached out to him because they've reached out to me.
Maybe that's what I'm talking about.
They have a team that's what it is.
But I mean, it's just like the trash in this, and I mean, look, I feel lucky to have good
representatives in this business, but these agents and these managers and these publicists
and these, they're fucking disgusting.
Most of them, most of not all of them, most of them.
I like, again, I like my people quite a bit, but it's, you know, it's like, look, I don't
like Trump either, but I don't disagree with them when he talks shit on the media.
I'm sorry, I just don't, just because I don't like him, doesn't mean I'm going to go,
that's bullshit.
It's like, no, you guys suck too.
Well, what I, I actually like, I'm okay with
him making money. Like I, like I actually like, if this guy can come away with a chunk
of change from looking like a fucking idiot, we get to laugh at him. I do agree he has
mental health issues. So what bothers me about the story is the people piling on seemingly,
if you look at who these people are.
And literally.
Literally.
They're literally, these people are the same ones that will tell you that it's mental
health awareness day.
And that it's, and that, oh, they're, they're the ones to pee.
He is an easy figure to pile onto.
Short white guy, loud, long island.
He represents a certain section of Long Island that is very
hateable. The thing is, when the internet allows you to make fun of someone, the people who
come out and they're the ones that say, like I had to relate this to another group where
they'll go, well, we can't punch down. We can't, you know, they're all foolish. So who's
the protected class? Who is it? This
guy is mentally deranged. He has an issue. You don't protect him. You're going to protect
because he doesn't look like the type of person that you usually protect. This is, this is
wealthy trash. Yeah. Well,
he trash, Hollywood, politics, all of it. It's all the same thing. It's all wealthy trash.
They don't give a fuck about anybody,
but themselves, which is how they got to that level of success and financial stability that they've
gotten to. And now that they're there, they have a tremendous amount of guilt about their own
dirty deeds. And they go out and then they try to tell everybody else how to live and how to think
because they can't sleep with their own fucking self. That's really what it is. That's really, it kills me. It makes me fucking cancels that people, I know, people I know that go out and
publicly bash horrific politicians and awful conservatives and the right and all this
stuff. And again, stuff that I don't like either. Sure. And then they go and walk the red carpet at a Disney event. It's like, do you think
that's any different? Do you think this is any different? I've heard you complain about
Howard bird. How is this any difference? That's the thing. It's what you're allowed to
talk about versus not. What are you allowed? You're allowed to hate CrossFit people, but
don't hate people that, you know, there are too fat to do crossfit. You
know, like it's like it's there's who's protected, who's not, you know, who's Disney's okay
because I used to grow up watching The Little Mermaid and Haliburton's not okay because
they deal in oil.
The fight I used to, the argument I'd always get into with people with the punching
down argument was, well, why don't you guys get mad when Conan makes curses to alley jokes?
That's that's fat jokes.
Sure.
And they go, well, she's famous.
So it's okay.
And it's like, no, it's not okay.
You just want to be on Conan.
So you're giving Conan a pat.
And that's not me shitting on Conan.
I don't give a fuck.
What kind of joke is that?
That's what that's exactly what I'm saying is like the goal post always changed.
The I don't mind making fun of this guy, but don't ever tell me who I can't make fun of. Don't, you know, don't come to me
and go, well, this person has mental health issues. Yeah, you just fucked with the epicenter
of mental health issues that this dude at bagel boss. He is, hey, you look at him, you're
like, this is not a stable human being.
I just, I've had it with all this shit.
I just think it, and look, I'm not blaming, I'm not blaming the, the, the hypocritical thin
guilty left for all of this.
I'm sure a lot of it is the, you know, gun toadding, cockstrucking, hardheaded right as well.
You know, I think it's everybody's getting behind this shit.
And it's just, it's like, guys, you just, people love to watch a fucking train wreck. And it's
like, well, here we go. Here we go. We got, we got our latest one. This, this is not going
to end well for this guy. And also, man, you want to help this guy make some money? Fine.
Cammy, you'll find, hey, it's funny when you yell at people. Sure. Do videos where you
yell at people for 500 bucks, but for fucking TMZ to come out and put this guy in a goddamn ring. And basically it's a freak show.
It's a freak show. It's putting a deformed person on a stage and going, look at the lizard
man. You know what I mean? You want to hear something awful. You know what I know a guy who
looks a lot like him, right? Not the same height, but the face is like dead on.
That's, this has to be the worst week of his life.
Like, think about him.
How many people, because people can't, people never think that who you, saying, telling
you who you look like as an insult, they always think it's like, that's okay to say no
matter who the person is.
How many people have come up to him going, you know what?
Like this was a look alike.
He never saw coming.
Yeah, yeah, that sucks.
If it's someone on TV, at least you can go, yeah, I've dealt with it over the years.
I know that we come.
This guy out of obscurity comes out of nowhere.
The King of losers this week.
And they're like, you look like the King of losers.
Yeah. That fucking sucks. And I'm just, I'm looking at his face right now. They look.
I can show you a picture. I would never say it because this guy is actually an irritable
guy anyways. I have to be like, I feel I got to ask my buddy who's friends who close with
him. If he's like, I talked to him about it, but I'm very interested to see how hard I love
this.
I love this too.
Now they're calling him the viral misogynist.
What did he say?
It was just dating us.
He said he got mad that women make fun of his height.
I don't think.
Oh, okay.
Viral misogynist is per if by the way, why is it to be Charlie Sheen's nickname?
Because that's what gets people off the hook
Yeah, with making fun of a guy who's meant to be and also why is it why is it misogynistic to say I want an educated wife not
A greedy bimbo why is that misogynistic? We could say the same thing yeah, yeah, and what way is that fucking misogynistic?
You're like no, I want a woman. I respect
Yeah, what a crazy concept.
I just think saying misogynist from Long Island is a little redundant.
I think it's just, you know, this thing, pain him the way that's allowable to crush him.
His dream woman educated.
How dare he?
How dare he?
How dare he?
They're on his YouTube channel of all those videos.
There is a video of him asking a woman
if she'll let him fool or like fool around with her.
And when she says no, he leaves her in a parking lot and drives away.
All right.
He's going a lot worse than that.
Well, then put that at the top of the fucking headline.
And then, you know, then you may also, you got a point, you think about the rest of the
sentence.
And on a leash.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, anyway, I just his popularity
breaking is sort of a yesterday story. The video was a last week story, but I just, I'm
just like the merges. This is going to be the marches now. I mean, dude, his Twitter
or his Instagram followers are going up by the fucking second. Yeah, he's having it. You know, he's having it.
I actually like make your money, but I don't know.
I get annoyed when it's like, you know, what's her name?
The, you know, AOC's like, fuck this dude.
And it's like, okay, you know, like, you're the, not, I'm not saying she should really
do that, but like these types are like, and you can't make fun of this and you can't make fun of that.
And it's like, and look at this fucking loser in Long Island.
It's like, okay, then you're out of that gate.
Well, it's people, people want to apply rules selectively.
Yeah, they're, they're two pick a chair.
Yeah, they have their rules for things, but then they want to apply them selectively.
So it's like, you know, it's like, look, I don't give a rat's fucking ass.
What color James Bond is? Yeah. Well, I don look, I don't give a rat's fucking ass. What color James Bond is?
Yeah.
Well, I don't, I don't, I don't care.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't give a fuck.
The little mermaid wasn't ruined for you.
No, I don't care.
I was like, but guys, if you're going to get mad when they whitewash an ethnic
character, you can't then also get mad when white, when a white person gets mad,
when you do the reverse to a white care. Interesting.
I never thought of it that way.
Either, either you don't do it or you do it.
It's like, it's either right or it's wrong.
Well, if it's okay to make fat jokes, it's okay across the board.
If it's not, that it's not okay to make them back cursed the alley either.
It's like, you know, like apply the rules, fucking with some, look who showed up.
Sharad small in the building.
Small mic.
Yeah.
You're right. Unfortunately, what's mic on? Yeah, you're right.
Unfortunately, what's going on?
I hear you talking about black stuff
with no black people in it.
That's right.
Well, we knew you were coming.
We just, we pushed the black talk back 15 minutes
to accommodate your lateness.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
Heads up a move.
Stupid Joe.
I don't like him in that seat.
I don't like it either.
To be honest with you, I'm furious about this.
About what?
Bobby asked me to guest host.
Right.
He's like, you gotta be fine, dude.
You gotta think I'm doing live reads in a minute.
Oh, I didn't fucking take the show over.
I just said I'd come and tell a few jokes.
Where's Bobby?
I don't know.
I think he's in town.
Is he?
The view of the olive tree right now, that would be hilarious. I was trying to get him to come on as the guest when I guest't know. I think he's in town. Is he? The view of the olive tree right now, that would be hilarious.
I was trying to get him to come on as the guest when I guest host.
He just had he come do the stairs. That's why he's now.
Shot fired. I'm here though. Thank you for being here.
To have you. Yeah, it's gonna be both here.
Yeah, right. Like a young Jared.
What's happening, man?
Chillant. So where are you going? It's your day up to. Just finish a shoot. What's happening, man? Show it.
Swargan, what's your day up to?
Just finish a shoot.
We were shooting.
I guess digital.
What were you shooting?
I did a Mike Vicki on show.
Mike Vicki on Justin Silver.
Oh, nice.
That's fun.
Yeah, that seems fun.
I'm supposed to do it at some point, but you never did it.
They asked me to do it today and I couldn't do it.
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're gonna fill it.
Look at me doing both, though. Well, I was at Bennington.
Okay.
So he's good, man.
Love Ron.
He's the best.
He has really the best.
He's showing, man, he's good.
Then you go to the party last night.
Did you want to?
How was it good?
Yeah, it was fun, man.
It was fun.
The new stand is open.
Right.
If you're in New York and your
comedy fan, the new stand is
open. It's an amazing club.
He used to be a brother. Jimmy's, right? Yeah. He was a big one.
They really transformed it, man. This is a nice spot, man. Nice place. Yeah. And I performed
now on both stages. And it was, I mean, downstairs, they did a show last night. It was fucking
fire. I mean, all weekend, I got about like four shows that this weekend. Yeah. Yeah.
That's, that's, I'm excited to, I leave town this week, but I'm excited to thank
God, thank God for that.
Get your black heads out of here.
You just a troublemaker.
All right, what I do.
I don't know where's your part.
You got a apartment here now, right?
I'm right in there.
Yeah, space out broke and bro, I'm bro, I'm bro, I'm bro, sure.
Which way?
Yeah, but I don't know.
I think come December.
I'm going to do the full time jump full time jump back.
Thanks, Joe.
Yeah, what happened to the girl?
Did you have a girl or something out there?
Did you break up with her?
No.
You have some steady pussy or something that brought you back to New York.
What happened?
You bet your lost in LA, I got no time to act like you just miss us.
That's a man.
Who is she?
I missed it.
I married to the stage.
She thought you had a right in gig you didn't have.
No, no, no.
He's something in right in gig a. No, no, no.
He's something in right and gig pussy.
And R.E. for fair.
Girls, they don't deserve.
R.E. has been here for six years.
Huh?
R.E. has been here for six years.
But he also goes to LA because he know he farts two levels up.
Oh, they chased R.E. out of LA like he was John Wick.
Did I?
Like, he's done.
Yeah, beat it, R.E. Uh, now I just ran its course, man. What are you going to do? You know, you go out there for six years and you're like, enough.
I said to Eddie Pepitone, I go, what am I doing on here?
I go, how many times I'm going to audition for Superstore for my living room?
I'm open to my laptop, readin' sides by myself, and send it to, I'm like, I can do this
in New York, man.
Yeah. City stinks out there.
You don't get enough stage time.
That's true.
You got to be.
No, no.
What do you hate the most out there?
The people.
The people.
But that's not LA people.
That's Hollywood people.
So I always say it's like, it's like living in DC is great.
But if you work in politics, it seems awful.
Sure.
That's how Hollywood is with LA.
So it's like New York with finance.
Yeah, exactly. I mean, the Hollywood is with LA. So it's like New York with finance. Yeah, exactly.
Like I mean, the Hollywood people are awful.
Like they're really...
Everybody has an agenda.
What's the worst Hollywood person you met?
Is there someone?
One mirror.
Yeah.
He said Hollywood person.
You would try it out there.
If he would have went out there and landed on huge,
he would have been Hollywood person like a motherfucker.
You would have said, you know what?
Who?
I don't know.
Give it those rose glasses.
My skink fast.
Yeah, let me get it.
I'm going to tell you what shit I'm doing.
What's up with that?
You're really good.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
This is you coming back to New York successful.
Yeah.
Hey guys.
I'll leave it in the next day.
New York Shurah.
Tell us about your new and Bushwick.
Holy shit.
Tell us about it.
Tell us about it.
He's a fallen apart.
What?
He's just an inch by the new part.
Tell us about the new part, your book.
Well, it's a...
I'm just excited about it because this role has never been played by a man
And it's a very progressive thing. Yeah, it's a Gilligan's Island reboot
Ginger
Gender fluid Gilligan and the best part is the professors being played by a minority woman, which we think is really uplifting
Is it too Marosa? Is it Tudy from Time to Life?
It's Aqua Fener.
She's delicious.
Yeah, it sticks out shady.
He looks well.
Put him back on.
I had Ariwada more until I got a picture with Ariwada more.
The roseness is strong. It's going. I'm going to have R.E. I'm going to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have
to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have Well, if these are so thick, they're not that heavy of a prescription. Man, you might need glasses, dude.
If that should hit your eyes like that, you might need glasses.
It does concentrate to look through those shits.
Well, they're not that they're not that heavy, man.
A lot of people who does all and can't even tell that they're glasses.
Stop.
That's what you're doing.
You're going blind.
You're going blind.
Is this a decision?
The dark room glasses?
Yeah, like a dark room.
Yeah.
Yeah, personally. That's what I like.
But wait, what was your original actual serious Hollywood?
Well, who's the, is there, there's got to be one person you met that you're like, this
is a cartoon.
Look how shady this thing.
I look like he's the last white guy to work at the garment district.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just a crazy look.
Like, he made some money on trench coats.
And he's like, yeah, you know, we still got one office.
We still do stuff.
No, not everyone moved out to China.
I know.
We stuck American.
We still stay American.
He looks like he's laundering diamonds. Yeah. Yeah. He's like a shady diamond dealer. Oh my God
God shady Jews a bad look he wore a
He wore like a
I saw a picture but then he have like a weird hair thing. He shaved his hair. So it looks like he's bald here. Yeah
I saw like it looks like a different person. He is kind of bald here, but he shaved it in a way where it really looks like he's bald here. Yeah. I saw like a different person. He is kind
of bald here, but he shaved it in a way where it really looks like he looks like like a
whole walk him Phoenix of comedy. What is he reaching for? Just hunking all of us.
He might be. Ari is the best the Steve O of comedy.
Oh, Steve O was the Steve O. Yeah, that quite. He didn't have his balls out. I've seen Aure's balls way too many times.
I've seen Steve O's balls a lot of the Steve O's balls a couple times too.
I really have.
It's too many.
It's too many.
I wouldn't, you know, it's not like I had some altercation with somebody where I go,
oh, God, you're, it's just, you just get, you just got tired of it. The phone.
You get tired. This is what I'm tired of. It's like, it's like, I respect opinions that
are different than mine. Okay. And I'm an opinionated dude. I like to have discussions. I like
to try to get some, like when somebody disagrees with me about some shit, I look at it like,
well, tell me where you're coming from. Right. Maybe I can learn something from that.
I always should have benefited out. And I just got tired of like, if you tell me where you're coming from. Right. Maybe I can learn something from that. I always should have given benefit of that.
And I just got tired of like, if you wanted to debate, for instance, the Louis CK thing.
Right.
Yeah.
I had, I had friends that didn't talk to me.
Wait, what happened to Louis CK?
He's got new stuff.
He's got new stuff.
Back to the show.
He's got no more of that bullshit.
He actually got really into yoga.
He's lost a lot of weight.
Looks good.
What happened to cool Baba Ice?
That's what we were in about.
And I'll come here to do it. He's lost a lot of weight. What happened to cool Baba ice? That's what we were about and I'll come to you. That is
a blast from the past. What a cool Baba man. He's a fucking comedy genius.
Yeah. But the CK thing made people angry at you because you side it with dog. I had friends.
I like good friends. Okay. I'm talking friends I hung out with like every day that didn't
speak to me.
So they had a recent term in months.
Yeah.
They were looking for one.
We'll take this last time.
For months because I said I thought I was cool with him coming back.
Okay.
They wouldn't speak to you.
Dude, I'm not talking about, hold on a minute, comics.
People on comedy, yeah.
Okay.
I'm not talking about, I'm not talking about by the way, like we debated it and after the debate, they didn't talk to me. I'm talking about people that were like,
that didn't even confront me. And then three months later, I was like, what the fuck is
going on? Why are you like not talking to me? Yeah. And I was like, Oh, because I heard,
why heard? That's some fucking dumb shit. I mean, that's, that's, that's, that's not
your friends though. Your friends go like this, what's going on with you, yo? If you're
disagree, you talk about it and then you move on. You're not going to get too this. What's going on with you, yo? If y'all disagree, you talk about it and then you move on.
You're not gonna get too many,
what's going on with you, yo?
Well, who's gonna just say,
I'm just gonna ghost you?
That's some filthy white filthy white.
I'm so fucking sick of filthy white liberals.
I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of it.
Some of them are just not sick of it.
And if one more person tells me
as easy as special is brilliant,
I'm gonna throw him down the stairs.
Oh, let me put my notes away there.
No disrespect to his ease.
That was easy as good.
Well, you don't like it so much.
Did you watch the special?
Are you just gonna judge it from a distance?
You fucking asshole.
You're an asshole.
He saw the title.
He was like, I'm out of the picture.
Exactly.
The music bugged me. That fucking ukulele music
playing. What's Mike Jones? Mike Jones. Him being introspective backstage. I'm being
a disease. He's putting on the order. He's like, that's bad. Especially, it's really
good. All right. I'll give it a shot. I was working on it and stuff. No, he's got
some stuff. Oh, the trailer infuriatediated me that it something fierce something fierce. Yeah him doing is
I just hope tonight's tonight it hits me
You know, Joe you're an asshole
I support CK and not support his
Comedy means more to you than even fucking touching women.
What's crazy about the disease specialist, that's how much a fucking comedy does the
community is.
I used to wear it finger shit, you know.
There was easy creeped everybody out, but I wasn't mad at him.
Was there a time where a Z's was like the Brooklyn hero?
Yeah, yeah.
Like kind of like that.
The one that everyone's like looking to like the all guy that come out of that.
Oh, really?
Is that the case?
I don't know.
I'm asking.
There was a tweet that I saw.
I was like, this girl like female comics.
She tweeted out something like she was making fun of Zee's.
But in a way that he was like an old white dude with new balances.
Right. Like you're like, you're old white dude with new balances. Right.
Like you're like, you're gonna put them in that box.
Yeah, like I was like, wait a minute, he went from the cool, like, look how quick that
happened.
You went from Brooklyn to Manhattan.
It's a fickle.
I mean, that whole scene, but this is the scene with everything that people get.
This is where the whole concept until you make money and then you're not.
Yeah.
Well, here's a thing.
You sell, what does selling out mean to the average person?
It means you reach the level where you're bigger than me now.
I can't feel equal to you anymore.
People love looking down at a motherfucker.
That's why Trump is going to win again.
People secretly love that shit.
They love going, I'm smarter than the president.
It makes them want to get out of bed every day.
Yeah, I mean, it's just as, you know, so it's, it's just funny to me to see this tweet.
And it was funny.
She was making fun of her for like, you know, being like, please, I'm not, you know,
I don't, you know, saying, you know, respecting women.
She was giving them a shift for that.
And it's like, but I was like, just looking the comments of like how, what, easily all those
people who were like, what, you know, 10 years ago would be like, this is the future.
Thank God representation. And then all of a sudden, he's on the other side of it. And
he's basically my dad. That's a quick. I mean, that's a thing that's a thing to with
Louis. Like for everybody that same got the same people that were calling Louis, you
know, on list, I understand people's opinions on that situation. Not dismissing it. But
this a lot of the people that were saying cancel Lully were the
same people that were clapping for him when he was telling people using his platform to
tell people to vote for Hillary.
It's like, dog, if you're going to give him other fucker, the misogyny sexism thing, you
got to give him the credit when he did the right thing in your eyes too.
You got to recognize both.
Okay.
That's just how it works.
Well, they can't even, the people that won't talk to you anymore, the people that can't
agree that that's a gray issue.
Well, that's their saying. There's one answer.
Joe's right. I think Jeffrey Epstein also supported Hillary. So we got to step back and
look at the good things he's got.
She ran, hey, Joey.
I love it. Joey. I know Louis since I was fucking with 14.
I know.
Okay.
And even when his mom died, I call him right away.
I love him.
I wanted to drive him.
I thought those were your friends.
People wasn't telling to you.
No, they weren't.
And my problem is, I got real mad at everybody yelling about disease when this shit happened.
And then I got equally annoyed with disease.
It's trailer.
But that's a, I just can't be happy.
But that's, that's also, that's a real
comedian, you know, like at a certain
point, you walk into the room, you go,
why is the room on fire?
You know, it's like, that's why I'm annoyed
at how the room started, how the fire started.
Yeah. You don't walk in going, well,
I'm walking in with my, I'm anti-fire,
you know, hat on, you know, you go, okay, well, I'm walking in with my, I'm anti fire, you know, hat off.
You go, okay, well, the room's on fire.
How did it get this?
Right.
These are people with walking in with preconceived teams and notions and all these things
that they're like, they have to protect and look like a good person when, you know,
right?
They're probably not.
Right.
All right.
Yeah.
I agree with that.
What do you phone the political coin, Sharad?
Because you, you know, you, you, look, you do rate.
I mean, you're pretty liberal, dude. I you, look, you do right. I mean,
you're pretty liberal, dude. I've known you for a while.
I'm pro-lice.
Yeah.
And your anti-game area.
That's right.
Anti-ohm average.
And you're also anti-segregation. You're pro-segregation. I mean, I'm like, why people touch my stuff.
Let's get these water fountains back.
But no, for real, because you're pretty, I mean, obviously you're pretty open minded
to do, but at the same time, you know, with race wars and stuff, you have like, you have
a lot of people on that show that would piss off people on the left.
He didn't just bring an ant culture on it, whatever.
Well, I find people are trying to get angry just before me bringing on the talk, and I'm
like, shut up.
Right.
My headphones just went out.
Mind it, too.
What happened?
Uh-oh, blackout.
We still go on, Sherp.
Can he do a show?
We're still going?
Yeah, my headphones went out.
Oh, shit.
I didn't click that.
Anyway, so you unplugged it.
Who unplugged it?
Joe.
Joe.
Joe unplugged it.
There we go.
I don't know how to do things in L.A. Joe, but here we
keep things plugged in. I've been doing this show for eight years. Now, at once did it
unplug.
Dude.
No, we miss you. Get well soon. That's what fuck you are.
That's what I find fascinating about.
That's what I missed about New York, I should say.
And the friends that I have here like you, we just met, but you seem very similar.
You just remember?
Jared?
Yeah, basically.
Wait, we don't really know each other.
Okay.
So, but I mean, I missed that where it was like, you know, it's like, I love, I love
Jay and Lewis and Dave.
People screaming at them because they were going to Milo on the fucking show.
I had Milo on Race Wars.
Yeah.
Had them on.
No problem.
Well, they might show us Race Wars.
So anybody who gets angry that I bring people on with different opinions,
I know, I'm fucking idiots.
The premise of the show.
I would bring Hitler on.
If I could dig Hitler up and get him on this Wednesday trust me
I would dig them up Pet Sematari that motherfucker
Bring him right on race walk
I like the idea that like they're like yeah, that legitimizes them. Yeah, you my love was legitimized by Legion of skanks
Yeah, like you out of your fucking mind
It's like freedom of speech. That's why I guess that's why even you'll see people on the left, liberals attacking freedom
of speech even more people on the right.
It's like, it's crazy.
Everybody has the right to say what the fuck they want to say.
All right.
I don't care.
I'd rather hear what you think.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
And I mean, here's the thing.
And this is a great misconception.
And I've fallen into the misconception of it too, but it's just not true if you kind
of look back through the last 30 years in media. Everybody right now is going, oh, it's all, it's
what a crazy thing that fits the left. It's always been the left. It's always been the left.
The MRC is the best example that was led by fucking Tipper Gore. That was a very left-wing
movement. And that's what, there was a goddamn federal court case over that, that hearing about stickering the Alms and everything.
And W.A. about Alman got us sticker body and then put it on the top of the whole albums.
Yeah.
Right. So it's like, it's like it's always been coming from that direction.
Yeah. And at the end, what bothers me about it is at the end of the day, it comes down
to I watched a white woman occupy her, one of the Occupy Wall Street people.
It was when Occupyre was going on.
I got into a debate with a white woman about the use of the N word, about like, is it ever
okay to use in context or whatever?
And then she said, you can't use the N word and you said, you can use Niggas?
She wouldn't say it when you would.
I kept calling her and pointing at her.
She was acting like, what?
I said, I heard you can't say it.
Sorry, I'm sorry.
What if I want them out of my neighborhood?
But we were debating and she was getting really angry.
Well, she said, you can't use it.
Well, she said, never ever.
And I said, but I said, look, everybody, we grow up.
It's a word.
And it's a word. Cont It depends on context. I go if you're, what, so if you're quoting
something from history, or you know what I mean? I look, you don't get mad when you go
see black clansmen, right? And the, and the KKK, clansmen are saying it over and over again.
Like, obviously, there are other times. Exactly. So my point is is, so whatever, we were
arguing. And then my friend Anton, who's black, came over and he was like, what are other times. Exactly. So my point is is, so whatever, we were arguing.
And then my friend Anton who's black came over and he was like, what are you guys arguing
about?
I cut over her and I told him he disagreed with her.
He agreed with me.
Then she started telling him why he was wrong.
And that's the problem.
Exactly.
That's the problem.
It's guilty white motherfuckers telling people how they got to feel.
Yeah.
It just, you know, and I'm, I'm, look, I'm, I'm, I pass as a filthy white. I'm actually, but I know bad,
I know bad, I know bad, I know dirty. I'm dirty. I can smell the homemade bombs on you.
That's what trees you just say to me. What? You tell you a dirty Egyptian,
motherfucking African, just like the rest of us.
Stop acting like you got family to see on Thanksgiving.
Come be with your people.
So I pretend like you got rituals and shit.
You're filthy African.
He ate it my wife adopt a fan.
Because you love them so much.
You know, one of them.
They're good people.
We smelled it on you.
We knew you were going to host like crackers.
So today it was fucking racist Italians.
He's right in with the lobster, don't he?
They sniffed it right out of me.
I didn't know.
I didn't know I was Arab 12 because I was adopted.
My mom didn't tell me to us 12 because she was 9-11 and she said, Joe.
And she said, thanks a lot.
This is your ball.
People did this.
My uncle used to fuck me.
Who told you what?
How did I have to have?
She told me when I was 12.
She was in a room by herself.
We were, we had a, we, I grew up in a suburbs and we had a swimming pool.
And we were swimming pool.
And my mom was religious and, or is.
And we were in the
pool and she told me she was like, I had something to tell you. She's like, I never knew
how to tell you this.
She used to like a baptism.
Yeah.
You're only a pool.
Dip your Muslim.
For me, dip.
Yeah.
She was like, you're not allowed in this end of the pool. Look at the signs.
Dip. What the science? But so she goes, she told me and I didn't believe her and she, she swam me over next to
the pool.
There was a statue of Mary, the Blessed Mother.
So my mom was religion next to the pool.
Yeah, like there was like dirty wops, man.
Yeah, she does.
Oh, God.
Oh, it's tacky.
It was some stalone shit.
Oh, my God.
She swam me over to it. And she was like I and she's like I'm telling you and you know
I would never lie in front of this statue and I was like oh shit
This is Godfather shit. Yeah, yeah, but but that was when I was 12
But I didn't know what questions that you have do you say?
What the fuck
I gotta be fucking my sister this whole time
No, I knew I was adopted. She just didn't tell me the Arab.
Oh.
Because she was like, I didn't know if it'd be hard for you to not know.
You know what I mean?
She, you know, whatever.
Yeah, you got to know, though.
You got to know that she told you.
Yeah, absolutely.
And here's your caran.
But I didn't.
Yeah.
So I didn't know I was adopted.
I didn't know I was Arab 12.
But my, here's a crazy Michael Tony.
My mom's brother.
Yeah.
He used to fuck with me before I knew. And I never't know it was Arab to us 12, but his, his was a crazy Michael Tony, my mom's brother.
He used to fuck with me before I knew
and I never knew what he was talking about.
Oh, well, he's Italian dick.
I like him.
He's hilarious.
He was, he's dead now, but he's hilarious.
Who killed the Muslims?
No, he would be like, he'd be like,
where's your oil well?
Why don't you go find your oil well
and get us some money?
Oh my God.
And I never knew what he was talking about.
And he would laugh as fucking balls off.
And I was like, what does that mean? And then make you eat bacon. Yeah. And then when
he went, and then when my mom told me, she's like, that's why your uncle makes that joke.
And I was like, that's kind of funny. That's all. I hope you use a little stage at least.
You know what? I never talked about that. I talked about all this other side. I never talked
about my uncle, but now that I'm saying, and I'm like, funny as shit, I should talk about this.
Yeah. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, so there you go.
That's the first uncle that's going to be in your sitcom, right?
Push back, the push back.
He's going to be racist as fuck.
Uncle racist.
But married to a black woman for someone.
And calling you every new word.
That would be funny.
Yeah, all right.
Let's get a nice Norman lear.
Now, did you try to chase down your fucking real parents?
No.
Well, I have a surprise for you there.
Can we bring him out?
Oh my God.
Throw the bathroom.
We're just, oh, we got to do, I got to do Bobby's work form.
You got to read some.
Got a live read.
Do you like sheets?
I do.
I think it's important.
A lot of people don't put emphasis on this stuff.
They buy whatever sheets they can find.
You got to stop doing that.
And a reason they stop, a reason they don't buy the sheets they deserve to be sleeping on
is because they think they can't afford them.
Well, I've got good news for you.
Brooklyn is where you need to check out.
Yeah.
Brooklyn is ready to make your home beautiful.
And it's the ultimate form of self care.
You can spend a third of your life in sheets.
You don't want to, you want them to be comfortable.
I mean, come on. Yeah. So, uh, and now with the warmer weather here, maybe it's time
you switch up your sheets and do veys to something a little breezier, a little more lightweight,
a little softer. You guys have that problem. I just changed my duvet yesterday.
Oh, uh, I never thought I'd hear you say that sense. Sure. Bill, which made the real pro.
I like a nice duvet.
Brooke linen has got 35,000 plus five star reviews more than any other online betting
company.
They were founded in 2014 by husband and wife Vicki and Rich.
Full up.
We wanted to find beautiful home essentials that
didn't cost an arm and a leg. Their mission is to make you comfortable with some luxury
linen sheets and robes, but not giving you the luxury price markups. Again, this is
affordable stuff. You should definitely check it out. Here's what I want you to do. It's
in their names. You know, it's good. Brooklyn in the newest linen collection of theirs is amazing. And I can't recommend it me, you know,
highly enough. So go check it out. I want you to go to Brooklyn and dot com for your
exclusive, exclusive offer. You're going to get 10% off and free shipping when you use the
promo code, what dude at Brooklyn and dot com. Brooklyn is also so confident in their product that all their
sheets, comforters and tells come with a lifetime warranty. The only way to get 10% off and free
shipping is to use the promo code what dude at Brooklyn dot com that's BRO okay L I N E N dot
com promo code what dude Brooklyn and these are the best sheets ever Everton. And you know Egyptian cotton.
So you know Egyptian cotton.
Yeah, I heard them.
I don't know if they are Egyptian cotton.
Well, they have available.
Also laughable.com.
Now available on iOS and Android.
And Android.
Android.
Full of cotton.
You wish. All your full of the full of. You wish.
All your favorite comics and their podcasts, you can find them on there.
Also, seller Vegas, if you're going to be in Vegas, go to seller Vegas.
It's the best comedy show in the city.
Yes.
See the comedy seller.
See it there.
Bob.
Adrian dot com slash Robert Kelly for all of his extra content. We do live from the shed.
Those are coming back soon. It's a cup of coffee, guys. Donate.
And when you see Bobby, he's going to start the creeps with kids tour on Saturday, July 27th
at JFL club soda. Check that out. Ron Bennington, Rich Voss, Jim Florentine, and Robert Kelly, Kreepswood Kids Tour. Check
that out. So we're going to be going all over. You go to KreepswoodKidsTour.com, see what
those shows are going to be. Bobby, after that, will be at the Laughing School in Atlanta,
Thursday, August 1st, through Saturday, August 3rd. And then one show at the Slipper Room
here in New York, Thursday, August 15th, and
Scytheword is in Tampa in September.
So go to robbercallylive.com, see what we're going to be.
Go to at robbercallylive on his Instagram, go to atgabby is Brian to follow her.
Oh, we're doing our plugs at half bikes V Suarez on Instagram too.
Cool.
Yeah.
Go to there some later.
I have plugs.
Should I do them now?
Yes, please. If you want to, yeah, I got plugs too. Yeah. I'll do the rest of later. I have plugs. Should I do them now? Yes, please.
Yeah, I got plugs too.
Yeah.
If you're in Hollywood, July 20th, this coming Saturday, can I kick it?
Yes, you can.
Returns.
Tom Bell, Al Jackson to myself, hip hop videos, hip hop, centric comedy, hilarious show, great
music, after party, to follow at the Legion Hall, post 43 in Hollywood.
It is going to be a good
fucking time. Come on out 10 bucks only. And then I'll be at the Carlson in Rochester, New
York, August 8th, 9 and 10. That's it. Boom. This is my turn. Yeah. Hi guys. Yeah, check
me out this Saturday. Here at the Comedy Summit, we doing an hour, go to ComedyCellar.com.
Come check my new dirty, dirty filter, filthy family hour.
Yes, this Saturday, the 20th and I'm doing it to 27.
So you can get either one, go to ComedyCellar.com and then go to Race Wars.
Check out Race Wars, your son's a bi-itus.
Go to patreon.com slash race wars and catch up on classic and
new episodes.
Yeah.
All right.
And then race was we doing the live August 25th of September 1st in Vegas at the Rio comedy
seller get to take us at comedy selling dot com.
That's August 25th.
The September 1st me and Kurt doing 14 shows and live like five podcasts episodes.
So yeah. Nice. And August 13th, me and Pete
Lee's birthday show here. Ron and Kona. Oh, y'all know on it. By the way, everybody's
on it. Yes. August 13th, 8 PM comedy seller. Okay.
Jared, what do I got? I'm going to be doing you up podcast live. Yeah. I'm going to Chicago.
The first leg is Chicago Detroit Cleveland and Toronto.
So if you don't listen to the show and your guy listens to this, you should come.
If you're single, there's tons of chicks that come.
That is true.
It's pretty much 95 to five.
I say 90.
98 to two.
Is that Nicky thing? Is that your thing? five to five. I say 90. He made 98 to two.
Is that Nicky thing?
No, is that your thing?
Well, you should ask her about that.
I, uh, so I do, I have, this is unrelated to her show.
They called you up.
I mean, it's related, but unrelated.
I have, my podcast called you up podcasts.
I've been doing it for a few years.
And what's the relation then?
There's no, I mean, the relation is that hers is very similar. The name after mine was
already out there.
And it's the same subject matter. I mean, we do have modern dating advice. It's a from
a male and female perspective. I do it with batches, which is the, but you never did it
with Nikki. No. So we're the U.A. podcast and it's with Betches, which is like a big media company.
And we have a, you know, we're going on tour. We're doing Chicago Detroit Cleveland and
Toronto.
You send it out a season to sis August 14. I would have a conversation about it anytime
she'd like. Just never been approached, never been talked to. You would think if I was
coming in, do you know, do you know that if she
knows, or do you think it was a comedy central blunder?
That even that explanation would make sense to me. I'd be like, Oh, okay. Talk to me like
you know about your podcast now, even I mean, because when you just set no offense when you
just said, I guess he's doing a thing with Nikki. No, I would go to the show I was naming
before I went and named it. They might have just named it for sure.
I mean, that could have it too, but if I once I found out, I would go, hey, you know, I,
you know, I have my thoughts on it, but I, you know, with the podcast that we have is,
you know, pretty big and fun.
And we have a lot of, we bring people on stage and give them dating app makeovers.
We go to text translations.
We take live questions from the audience. And the
shows are fucking parties. We've done them at the seller. They're like packed out. And
if you're a dude, like I always tell people like you up podcasts, if you want to listen,
you might be like, yeah, I don't need dating advice. I don't want to talk about this.
But the live shows are totally like, they're like a cousin to the real show when they
was our like parties. Yeah. Yeah. The real show. I've been on a real show. They didn't
make us what you, right?
We did a Vegas episode in a green room.
We did, we did my podcast.
Oh, we did.
They're kind of, those are cousins to each other also.
So we just give advice and people really have fun.
And the live shows are insanity.
So all girls, all chicks and girls from like the bachelor red type of person.
Oh, yeah.
I always encourage guys to come because like
it is they're there talking about dating stuff and the women that come are fun women. You
know, like they're like down to talk about it down to be like, Hey, be honest about what
we're doing here. How we met on an app? Oh, you're here to hook up. I am too. Or you're
here for a way to ship. I am to there. There. There. There. There. You know, DTD down to there. They're they're you know DTD down to discuss. Yeah, so I would say you know,
but the live shows I try to when I go on podcast like if you're a guy out there with a group of
guy friends like it's a fun show to go to because they'll be women there. Yeah, that's a yeah.
Great man. Yeah. Well, I wish you well.
No, the name thing like it's not an original name like like I, we came, I mean, we came up with
it.
And I was like, I feel like she didn't name that show.
I feel like comedy central probably named the show.
You know, when I got to be honest, like, and this is not me trying to, you know, whatever,
if comedy is what I said, do you want to do a show?
And this is what it's called.
I'd be like, okay, cool.
And I would never occur to be like, I should look into this.
No, they did.
You know, a soul train.
I would also say if someone came on to me and goes, oh, you know, there's another comic
with the name of that, I would go to that comic and go, hey, I'm really sorry, I had no
idea.
What if nobody ever did that to her?
Is what I'm saying?
I would find that hard to believe.
Well, you always around.
I mean, that's easy to say.
That's like, you don't have to say something.
Why don't you go up to her and say something?
It's not my responsibility to that, to that point. Like, I'm like, I was there with a show. Like, I'm not going to like, the thing is, there's not my responsibility to at that point. Like I'm like,
I was there with a show like I'm
not gonna like the thing is there's
this world that we live in that's
like I can only sound like the
crazy person like right now it'd
be easy right here for the
response to be well I never know
okay.
Okay.
Okay.
They had the bonfire like promote
it. They were told specifically
it's not a question like don't
say it, which is a really not probably yeah like and then MTV also tried to hijack it. They were told specifically it's not a question. Like don't say it, which
is a really, don't tell. Yeah, like MTV also tried to hijack it. MTV did a you up Facebook
digital show after I invited them to, you know, people at MTV that I know are you kidding?
To my live podcast. Very yo, yeah, so the black people already knew about it. So people,
I'm like, you know, I'm not. I don't think I, I don't think I, I don't think I enough of myself to believe that like,
it is the white man is the devil, the devil.
That's right.
That's right.
It's filthy white.
To me, it's one of those things.
It's like, you know, if I see someone all the time, I go, hey, I just want to like clear
there. And you know, that's what I do. Even if I hear somebody with a joke similar, I just go I go, hey, I just want to clear there. And you know, that's just like-
Yeah, that's what I do.
Even if I hand somebody with a joke similar, I just go straight away, hey, I got something
like that.
Yeah, that's right.
I do it.
I do it too in conversation.
If I say something in a conversation and I have something like it in my head, I'll go,
hey, just so you know, I have a thing like that in my ass.
I got a way to get a stealing out of our conversation.
Right.
Also, even a smaller version of that, a smaller version of that is to go, when you meet
someone and you go and you've met them before, you go, I'm Jared.
I just want to, we met like two weeks ago, but I'm Jared.
I just want to remind you, like that's like the way to like, you know, kind of like hold
someone's hand into an awkward situation, like I get that.
So I can't stand when people go, I've met
you before. It's like, well, sorry, you're not fucking memorable. That's my fault.
Here's the pop quiz. She's obviously what you pregnant.
And then a fellow says no. We laugh.
All right.
Shit. What are we? How are we doing on time here? Yeah, we're good.
All right.
That's a real fresh. I don't know.
We have 15 minutes.
Okay. Yeah.
I got to meet somebody after this.
I got to meet him.
Yeah.
I'm not even business man.
A lady friend.
Possibly.
Possibly.
We're going to lie into a nigga.
Who is it?
He's meeting with black and
opera's new J train show.
But what?
J train pop.
We up. Yeah. Yeah. I had a trade show. Jay Tray and pop it.
We up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had your radio shows called, you know what, dude?
No, I got to, uh, yeah, I got to meet, but I mean, I'm not saying I got to go.
I got to meet some just saying like, who are you meeting?
You was bragging about something.
Who was it?
Who was it?
Lady, man.
All right.
Where are you going to go? I mean, you're in the village. I don't know.
Okay.
Don't know. No plan.
I don't know how you know her.
I met her.
And I was like,
I'm an ab.
Huh?
Some app shit.
I said a bath.
I was like a bath.
I'm like,
Holly Mary's.
Yeah.
I was like, Jesus Christ.
You were a lachee kid.
What?
Why do you even got that trapped in your head?
To be honest, I don't know.
Somebody told me a story about it recently when he said somebody, somebody knew somebody
that was in the movie Baps.
That's a black friend story.
And it was supposed to be his big breakthrough and the dude, it all went to the dude's
head.
And then that was it.
Oh, you talk about, I know you talk about the comedian, like skin, Pierre.
Yes.
That's the story.
Yeah.
Yeah. He did. he was in a movie.
How did Holly Berry?
He was playing Holly Berry's boyfriend in a movie.
And he was a comedian.
Pierre, yeah, he's a play the boss.
And when Boston was open around a corner, he, um, so anyway, he was in town.
Uh, I, you know, I don't know.
I just, I gotta kill some time after this.
Do you want to get a drink?
Yeah, we're gonna drink a something.
But why you being all secretive with this, this, this, this chick, you know, it's a date.
I'm gonna make a date. I'm going to say.
How do you meet her?
It's a dating expert.
Maybe Jared has some advice.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
Comedy show.
Well, don't start this relationship like you started the others.
Okay.
I want you to be happy, Joe.
I met her at Eastville.
Okay.
That's a good spot.
Yeah.
Nice young ladies that come through.
That is good.
What did you do for a living?
Smash show.
Not a comic, right? Not a fucking comic. No, no, no, no. You're not in the that come through. Good. What did you do for a living? Smash show. Not a comic, right?
She wanted to fucking comic.
No, no, no, no.
She's not in the business at all.
Okay, good.
Neither of you, so that'll work.
She's nowhere near the business.
A bad shmating heaven.
Yeah, she's in a TV executive, so she's like, well, never be working.
That's the same.
I was going to say she's going to say, we'll never be working together.
It's fine. That's the thing. I was gonna say she, we'll never be working together. It's fine.
She runs Comedy Central, but anyway.
No, she's completely out of the business.
No, it's fine.
Come on.
She runs a spa.
Okay.
So she's got a nice body on her.
She's, come on.
A body spa.
No, she looks like Misha Rod.
She's like, I'm just trying to see if Dode likes her or not.
I do. I do. I do what's before. But when he's being said, he likes Rod. She's like, I'm just trying to see if Joe likes her a night. I do.
I do.
But when he's been said, he likes her.
I absolutely do like her.
She's very sweet.
Okay.
Okay.
But it's the second date.
We'll see what happens.
So far so good.
First day was great, though.
First, I had to, you met her the other night.
I had to with me at the Sheep El thing.
Oh, yes, she was nice with.
Yeah, does she spend it something?
She's Armenian Italian.
Yeah, that a deal. They'll make a Puerto Rican in it. Yeah, so she's spanned something. She's Armenian or Italian. Yeah, that a deal.
They'll make a Puerto Rican in it.
Oh yeah.
She was, yeah, we talked about it.
Yeah, she's got like her.
Yeah, she's, she's, she's, she's,
she's really sweet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she's really Hollywood dating moves here in New York.
She doesn't know.
She passed, wanna go to this chappelle thing?
And then I told her, I was like,
it ain't gonna get any better than this.
We were sitting outside.
We had just seen bustarams and cute tips just in prop tea did scenario. Really? like, I ain't gonna get any better than this. We were sitting outside, we had just seen
Buster Ramsay Q-tip, just in Prop 2, did scenario.
Oh, really?
Oh, you didn't kill it.
Yeah, and I was like, listen,
it's not gonna get better.
Then before that, we were at the Fat Pete show.
Yeah, that was good.
Uh, yeah.
At Sony, and my man, Esoteric, was with Vinnie Paz,
and they had lined it.
Oh, nice.
And during the show,
Esoteric got me in, so we got all this VIP treatment and shit. It was beautiful. nice. And during the show, so Esther got me in,
so we got all this VIP treatment and shit.
Oh, it was beautiful.
But then this is the first day.
First date.
First date.
I really like this girl.
First date during the show.
Oh, wait a minute.
I'm gonna say it was this
and you planned nothing for the second day.
We're just gonna get drinks tonight.
So you have no place in mind.
Oh, I dropped off.
I'm gonna take it out of here.
I'm gonna find something.
Okay. I mean, that's it. They here. I'm going to find something. Okay.
I mean, I said, they got damn village women love playing.
He's going to be like, you want to go to his eases house?
I don't watch.
I got to watch his eases, special learn a thing or two.
No, but she, so the dude running the Sony Hall, the manager, we some managed village underground.
Oh, yes, Paul.
Yeah.
Yeah. So he saw me. He's like, oh, it's a carrier.
Yeah, so crazy carrier.
He's the best.
Like Henry Hills style.
He's family.
Yeah, and then, and then Dore and Esoteric set, he fucking shouted me out.
I was like, this is like the stars have aligned.
You was gonna fuck yourself at that end of the night.
Your penis is just doing a golf clap.
Like, you've done it again.
But yeah, by the end of the night, I was like, yeah, it's only going to get go down.
Yeah, this is.
And doesn't melt tonight is just you and her.
Yeah, yeah.
So this is the real date.
This is the real nobody else distracting from a no ship.
And we, we, we hung for two hours before any of that.
She's the immense YouTube.
She seemed really into it. She's, yeah, I mean, it's cool. We areel. And we hung for two hours before any of that. She's the immense of you too. She's the immense of you too.
She's the immense.
Yeah, I mean, it's cool.
The first time we hung too, the first time
I met her we hung out, then we went out
for like a couple hours the other night,
then we went and did all that shit.
Right.
And then tonight she's working and she's like,
you know, when I get off, I'll come meet you.
She's dancing like she, when you ran out,
like, started yapping to other people while she was there.
She didn't bother us.
You never fuck at all. She didn't give us. You're gonna fuck it all off.
She didn't give a fuck. She didn't give a fuck. There's two things I have, two major
point score. Like I was like, this, this, she's cool. Three things. You knew how to just
play, like, just play in the back with, yeah, play to the side.
Well, two things. One of them was we're at the show and I go, I gotta go to the bathroom.
You're gonna be okay. And she made fun of me. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like she's a three
year old. Yeah. Like, yeah, I'm old. Yeah, like yeah, I'm fine.
And I was like cool.
And then at the end of the night, I was like, let me put you in a car, let me put you
in a car, let me, and she was basically like, shut up.
I'm taking the train.
I'll see you later.
Nice.
And I was like, that's pretty fucking solid, man.
I thought that was, I thought that was cool.
Is there an adjustment LA to New York dating?
What's the adjustment?
Yeah, there's a date human beings in New York.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And in LA, as you're coming, she goes, do you think you can get me into the store?
And Anson's always know. I'm like, bitch, I'm trying. I was going to give me to the store.
He was fucking polyshed.
But now it's all good.
So we'll see what happens, Brent.
Good.
It's good to see you breathe and alike in somebody.
You're a mess.
Why are you talking like your Mr. settle down?
I mean, I'm settled in my heart.
What does that mean?
You're settled in your heart.
What does that mean?
What does that mean? I'm good. my heart. What does that mean?
You're settled in your heart.
What does that mean?
I'm good.
I'm good with how life is.
Lovely.
I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling good.
I got to lose some weight, but I'm feeling good.
Okay.
Yeah, you know, that's another reason why you hit it LA.
They really make you feel like a sly about that.
Like a fat cell.
They make you feel like a real fat cell.
I was like, I look good in Jersey.
Yeah.
You know, Jersey eight.
Girl, breath out.
I have a little tree.
What's going on with you?
You got a lady, I mean, you're single these days, right?
I'm single these days.
I'm still, you know, how long have you been single?
Not too long.
No, like a couple years.
Okay.
Yeah. Just the chick that, I forget her name. I'm sorry.
It's not remixing your words. I can't. What was your name? Lure. Yeah, you dated like forever.
Last will would say.
We'll messed up her name every time we said it. Yeah, for 15 years. Yeah, yeah, we still cool.
Still all good. But you know, we I was in a relationship so long, buddy,
we grew into siblings.
Yeah, well, once you do it, once you break 10 years,
it's hard to get a blowjob from the same girl
who comes from you to do your mother's cancer death.
Yeah, you've got to really work on that.
It's hard to push that head down
and when you remember crying with you,
but you do push it.
No, you do push it. No, you do push it.
Yeah, no, that's, that's tough, man.
I mean, that's, that's one of the guys that let me know.
Yeah, that's great.
That's great.
That's funny because I never really knew her because you and I didn't, I mean, we were
friendly and we knew each other, but I felt like we didn't really become friends until,
well, after you guys had broken up like, like, were we in her?
No, you and I didn't become texting, what's up?
What are you up to, friends?
So, like, two years ago, that's not it.
You are doing too many drugs.
That's, that's 100% true.
That is 100% not true, nigga.
We were already close when you, before you went to LA and you was like, I hung
it with tone. This is for some Iron Humber tone. I'll usually hang on with you. Tone's
really cool. No, no, no, we hung out, put up. That was a spot on derosa. I like that
you dance while you did it. I'm telling you, we, you and I were club friends. It was like,
we hung out the club and talk shit. We were not, hey, man, we were hang out after the club
and drink and shit like that. But always had like Kurt and big J buffers between y'all. I've used to call you all y'all,
the other J's, a David. I mean, that's different. That's, that's, that's, that's different.
For, I mean, this year on New Year's, we hung out. That was like a holiday hang, you know,
that's, that's a, that's a deeper hang, man. Okay, yeah, we, that's deeper than just rolling,
bumping into each other the fat one. But we had longer nights than that we did. We're then just rolling bumping into each other. The fat way had longer nights than that.
Mega.
We had one.
I remember one just fucking make out already.
I'm already on its last.
I've reached him from here.
One of the one of the craziest and you know, may rest in peace.
Who is you mean, Metzger, a talent, Gerardo?
Okay.
Yeah.
He paused and I thought Metzger died. No, no Gerardo. Okay. Yeah. Uh, he's had the pause and I thought, that's not right. No, no Gerardo recipe. That was a hell of a night. I'll, yeah.
Well, Gerardo, you know, I love that he's my fucking family. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, that
was crazy. That was a long time ago. We went, we're worried. We went after it that night.
We were in the village. That's what we decided to go to the upper west side to start hanging.
Yeah.
Cause somebody knew, you knew somebody up there where you were like, the let us in, they'll
take care of us.
What's the west side of East side?
We went, cause I remember we went to like pass stand up New York going to this place.
Yeah.
Like at like fucking midnight.
Yeah.
And I was like, this is, this is going to be a long like when you're going that far
up at that time to start.
Yeah. And we're not about our other brother. You know, the other brother, the gym's on the west side. This is this is gonna be a long like when you're going that far up at that time to start.
Yeah, you know, the other brothers are going to West side.
It's a bit over there by a.
Oh yeah, bar.
What's the party?
I forget.
I can't remember either.
Yeah, God bless you, all the love them.
I still have it as a boy.
You know, this son's and shit.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, that's great.
How are they doing?
Good.
They don't great.
Yeah, great junior.
Just went to college.
Daniels in high school, about to go to like 11th school. And then the youngest one, he's
going to Christ the King next year, high school. Christ the King. He's going to private school,
private like half school. He's a little wilder than other two.
Perform for the other school that the boys went to for like the last since 2010.
Like doing shows here like the charity for the school, but the boys went to for like the last since 2010. Yeah, like doing shows here
like the charity for the school, but um, you know, the youngest son is not going to that school.
Okay. Yeah, that's great, man. You know, people's I wish I never met his kids, but I wish them well.
Love draw though. Miss them. Yeah, man. Miss a lot of motherfuckers. I always say comedy brought more
depth in my life than anything else. Comedy brings death. That was man eat illusion to batreese to fucking Ralphie
made a damn dude. A lot of those a lot of those those that Ralphie hit me in the heart, man.
That one was tough. Yeah, they were all tough. Patrice I cried like a fucking baby. But
I mean, they're just they just hit you, dude. I was without Jackson. I was without Anton in
a fucking restaurant. We were pitching a TV show and with Becky Donahue.
Oh, same birthday, me and Becky. Same date. All the same.
She was pretty birthday back. Love you, Becky, but she was producing the show that we're
taking out. And when we were sitting in a booth and Al looked up and was like, yo, I got
Ralphie just died. I was like, fuck, man. So Jesus Christ, man. Like that was the best. Yeah. Ralphie, good heart. Me and Tony, you
say he's a give us this fucking for one. I way used to be out of town in LA. Me and Tony's
go get his for run. I fucking use it for a week or two while he's gone. Yeah.
Ralphie's good dude, man. Ralphie at it. Yeah. Ralphie, Mike, did you say Mike gone?
like you say, Mike gone fucking a lot. It's too many of them fucking remember? It's a lot. I remember Greg. Okay, so in the same two, in the same two years,
spend at Greg in Patrice, I, 2010, I also lost my uncle, my grandfather and my aunt.
Oh my god. And it was like, get the fuck out of it. And it was just as I was entering my myth,
I think I was entering my mid 30s about, yeah, 2000.
Don't gonna have to, you don't have to hear those Arab jokes anymore.
No, no.
It was a different article, but he's I too.
But I remember I was like, I used to have a joke about it like where I was like,
you get into your mid 30s, you're like, shit, you can just die. You're gonna die. There's no like, but I know there are 20s, you don have a joke about it like where I was like you get into your mid 30s You're like shit. You can just die
Yeah, there's no like but I knew there are 20s. You don't even think about it. Yes, I never I'm black
So we always think about it. We all have me and my boys when we got we all had a celebration at 24
We have the big party because statistically this and we be dead by 24
So all my boys and when we turn 24 was that's like I'll be a party. Did you come from like a rough neighborhood?
That's Cyberglin. I mean yeah, a big party. You come from like a rough neighborhood, that's Cy Brooklyn.
I mean, all the rappers come from with the guns.
And back when it was, yeah, that was rough back when it was real.
Yeah.
It was fun.
No, I never felt like, you know, it was very, very, but yeah, man, I remember Rustman Eve
saying to me once, if you don't know Rustman Eve in your listening, go check them out.
He's a handsome handsome handsome devil. Alirism.
Very funny comment.
I remember he said to me, I was probably four years into comedy like at the time.
We were sitting at the seller and he goes, there's going to be a lot of sad endings to
Rosa.
Just wait, there's going to be a lot of sad.
Oh, Brody.
Brody.
You know, and he was like, and Russ was like, it's going to be a lot of sudden death
suicides. He was like, he's in his business.
Richard is filthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. You know, and I was like, I, at the time, I kind of laughed and he was like, I'm
sure, he was tough joke, but he was like, I'm serious.
Chris, he said the same thing. He said before that he went in comedy.
Chris Rock, he's went in gold to anybody's funeral who killed
themselves.
He wouldn't?
Nope.
How come?
Because he's like, hey, man, that was the choice to leave.
You can't just take my day away from me to come see you.
Okay.
All right.
That's fair enough.
But I think he might have went to Brody's though.
He might have ate those words.
I didn't, where they frown.
I have no idea.
Yeah, you know, he texted me when the story was out.
I didn't really hear about it yet.
Then he texted me. He was like, what happened to Brody? And then I was like, I don no idea. Yeah, you know, he texted me when the story was out, didn't really hear about it yet. Then he texted me, it's like, what happened to Brody?
And then I was like, I don't know, let me check right now, then I call Brody, then I fucking
call, I forget who I call, Keith.
And he told me that I called Chris.
I was texting with my man, Scotty, who's a writer.
We were texting, we were making plans to go out that night.
I was like, where do you want to meet?
Six o'clock, let's do a happy hour somewhere, going back and forth. And then I was like, so six, 30s, that cool. And then the next
sex back, he was, he wrote, fucking Brody died. And I was like, wait, what? I thought he was joking.
Yeah. And I was like, what do you, bro, you can't be Brody Stevens. Yeah. And he did. And I was like,
holy shit, man. Right. When Chris he asked me, what's going on with Brody?
I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Before he even knew I was like, if he's texting me about it, it was the best.
I love that dude, man.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, he was back here before he moved out like, he was in New York, he was a bit of
stand-up, New York every night.
Yeah.
He was awesome.
Awesome.
Yeah, now we just have to pretend tell to Alexandra was.
I love Ted, I'm joking.
Thank God for 10 hours, yeah.
It's funny when you, it's funny when
you Google these people, you, the
pictures come out when they show
other pictures of other comics.
Yeah.
Like there's like, like Brody had a,
a George, whatever picture, then like,
yeah, like George Carlin picture.
Oh, that's great.
You know, like, it's funny.
It's a little the boof for some reason.
And Shia the Boof, like it's a weird,
it's like, it's like the ingredients that make you.
Shia the boof.
Like, it's like, he's a little shy, a little bit of Carlin.
Oh god, damn, man, fucking Barnett, man.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's, I mean, that's like, that's kind of for me the first one.
That's what you guys are saying all these names.
That's what made me sad when I, when I have the tribute to Barnett and everybody, it
was, it broke my heart to see all these younger comics this said.
Yeah, they, because we've been through this shit before several times with comedians dying,
but this was their first shit.
I said, I see Jay and Jared and Michelle Wolf.
They just to see them like hit with this shit is like fuck.
This is going to be the rest of your life.
Right, right.
Yeah, like I didn't have a connection.
You know, the people they all sound nice and everything.
I didn't have a connection, you know, the people, they all sound nice and everything. I didn't have the connection. You guys had like Kevin, like, you know, you're,
it's like people that you've gone through shit with. Exactly. And it is, I mean, and of all the people,
you're like, you know, there's no like nobody was like, well, Kevin better calm down. No,
he wasn't. I do. This is a professional. It's comedians. Yeah. He was, he had a shit together.
Yeah.
And like of all the, on the list of people, it's like that you're like, what?
It sucks whenever it happens, but when it happens to a guy like that where there doesn't
seem to be a lot of rhyme or reason to it.
No rhyme or reason.
I always have a little part of me that goes, oh, thank God, when they go, it was a drug
overdose.
You know, I go, it's because it helps me have some sort of chain of rational whatever
connected to it. It doesn't, it's not just helps me have some sort of chain of rational, whatever. It doesn't just, it's not just, man, you're just like, Jesus,
same with Shimmel. Shimmel beat cancer. The cancer he beat twice, his doctor, the first
time he beat it was like, it's a fucking miracle you're here right now. When he beat it the
second time, his doctor was like, this is, this is insane. He should be in like the Guinness
book and then he died in a car accident. That's great. It's just like, fuck man, come on, really?
That's real final destination, ain't it?
It is.
Well, Mikey D. Hard attack.
Yeah, right after he finished smoking and all that shit.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm on me.
He died after he, yeah, after he stopped smoking and quits smoking B to HIV, be a heroine,
fucking Ralphie.
That shouldn't wasn't weight related to it.
We got pneumonia.
You know what I mean?
Now, I'm sure his weight didn't help. Right. What he did lose weight before that though. That's what it wasn't weight related to he got pneumonia. You know what I mean? I'm sure his weight didn't help.
Right.
When he was waiting before that though.
That's what I'm saying.
It's just like, it's like, if Dan said, Rafi just, he got a massive heart attack.
It was his weight.
I would have been like, that's terrible.
But you don't know how he didn't go.
You don't know who's that.
But yeah, but first I go, yeah, man, he thought he was fine.
He had a pneumonia and he went in the hospital.
He just died.
Yeah.
I said, come the fuck. I've seen old comments, so you'd be like this.
He's going dark zone, out live young motherfuckers.
Right, I've seen him many a time.
Well, Arty is kicking like a motherfucker.
I'm at Williamsville, Williams going Williams, Stevenson.
Oh, yeah, shit, man.
Death money.
Cause in our heads, this one, one thing about us too, as comedians, I guess this artist,
a performance. We got to, even afterians, I guess this artist, a performance.
We got a, even after these deaths, we got to perform that night.
We still got a, the show goes on.
Even after somebody dying, your family, my mother died.
I still had shows that week.
Right.
I had shows when she's in a hospital dying on cancer.
She'd be like, go do your fucking shows.
But we can block it out.
We have, we can compartmentalize some of these shits, these tragedies, and move on with
it.
So that's why sometimes we forget my fucking is a gone.
Dude, it's nuts.
I was headlining and Michigan when my grandfather died and I found out between shows.
Oh my God.
I found out 15th.
And your second show was probably a better show.
I did a nice show.
I killed it.
Because you can't.
I mean, you can't.
But you can't.
You can't say when you go when you have the flu.
Yes.
Do you have the flu and you just go on staging your kids?
You're like, I don't have time.
You ever run it.
You ever run in late for a spot and you get to run right on stage like I'm the bringing
home right now.
You go this destroy because you're not in your head that little time before.
Yeah.
Even that little space.
They started laughing because you had a breath.
You're like, God, damn, I just ran.
They're laughing.
You're like, all right, this is going to be, you know, easy.
Yeah.
But yeah, no, I hear you man, but it's, it's, it's, it is a dark,
it is a dark fucking life, man. It's, you know, but it's his life. It ain't dark, it's
just life. People die. That's it. So you got to learn how to fucking, I want to give my
mother, my mother showed me how to live and how to die. This bitch was the bravest monitor
bitch I've ever met in my life. She went out like a champion, like we were more fearful than she was and she gave us confidence
in her death.
When did that happen?
Like two and a half years ago, maybe?
I didn't know, man, I would have sent you a message.
I'm sure I'd hear that.
That's fine.
Yeah, yeah, we weren't that close.
That's where I'm trying to.
No, we were close.
I said to a message when you didn't return it.
He reached out.
I said, look, I'm off for this week.
It's because my mother died.
She was like, you got coke?
I'm fucking asshole.
Oh shit.
Well, yeah, she just showed.
She was just so strong at it.
It was fucking impressive.
I was like, that's the way I got to go out.
I got to go out like that.
Right.
Yeah, strong as fuck.
Yeah, that's how my- She had faith. She had that. Right. Yeah. Strong as fuck.
Yeah, that's, that's how my,
She had faith.
She had faith.
You know, she lived a life, she had a great family, she had accomplished a lot.
But you know, I'm off of this who's scared of living and who's scared of dying.
How do you, what do you mean by that exact thing?
Of course, I feel like they, they, something's undone.
They're in finishing.
They're in finishing.
But then finish something.
That's what it look. I'm, I'm terrified of dying. This shouldn't be. The idea of the lights just being like,
because I don't know if I believe in anything after this, although the idea of the lights going
out and that's it, that really freaks me out for some reason. What you want more than that?
You want more, little more? I would love to go on and, you know, absolute fucking
lute. Can we get the vote on that though? I want some mid summer shit. That's a good summer. No. Where they're like, death is great because we get to go to the
next thing. Well, you got to have crazy. Well, you got faith in something. You know,
what do you think? It's a problem. You can't just manufacture faith. You can't just go,
I'm going to believe this. You got to find it. You got to find it. Then find it inside
yourself. If it ain't out here, and it's in there, you know, but I mean, if you just,
from a scientific standpoint, I'm just like, and most likely,
that's probably a wrap.
So now you're a scientist?
No, I understand.
How many times do we have rule inside of girls?
A scientifically, you shouldn't do that.
Science is what 12 me was okay.
I looked at statistics.
I'm chance they're pretty good.
You're gonna fucking write anything in the fucking dumb client's journal.
No, but I don't know, man.
I mean, it's just, you know, it's not a you're scared of the unknown.
Well, you don't know what's going to happen on your next show.
Your next special, your next fucking stand up.
Do you get it at two?
No, but I'm not, but I know I won't cease to exist.
Maybe that.
That freak that the idea that look, I'm much better than I was.
I was, he was crippling with me for a while.
It was almost crippling.
I had to go to therapy and get over it.
So, you know, I'm a little more able to deal with it now where I'm just kind of like,
you know what, man, I smoke cigarettes sometimes.
I'm living life, like whatever, you're going to die when you're going to die.
Like I'm not going gonna be one of these guys
that gets hit by a bus going,
what the fuck did I quit smoking for?
You know what I mean?
Like when you're mid-air,
and then when you're gonna be thinking it.
I mean, no, it's like,
so it is life after death.
I should have had that smoke.
My body on a ground.
It's just, you know, you gotta live.
You gotta have fun. Yeah, you know, I mean, that's just, you know, you got to live, you got to have fun. Yeah, you
know, I mean, that's it, you know, but anyway, you still get a death. Yeah. And high school
we had a class, uh, Deft and Dine, I went to college school. I did too. So we had a class
you had Deft and Dine because they teach you about how to deal with your own demise.
Because it's inevitable. But are you still religious though? But I take someone to lessons with me.
No, I take someone to lessons too.
Like, you're, I'm still like Catholic or Christian.
I'm saying you believe that there's heaven.
Jewish, maybe.
You know what I mean?
What?
Heaven?
Not what I, yeah.
That's what they taught me too.
I don't know what heaven entails.
Well, when I was coming up in Catholic school, they would say like, you know, do not weep
for the dead because they've gone to be with our Lord and all that shit.
And it's like, once you stop kind of believing that that's the case, then you don't really
find a lot of fucking comfort.
But there's a lot of stuff before that too that you can take with you.
It's like just dying and preparing and knowing that
your time is limited, right?
So make the most of it.
So it's more about living than dying, but you need to know.
Right.
Because it's coming.
Yeah, get your house in order.
Get your house in that.
Get your affairs in order.
That's when you're about to die like that day.
Yeah.
When they come in, they go, I would, can we talk to your lawyer?
You're like, why?
If you had, you better call.
If you had opportunity to watch a whole life over again, and real time after you die,
would you do it?
Like all the shit that you went through, all the horrors that you have to relive it in
real time.
Would that be aware?
It's a long moving. Yeah, you'll be aware it in real time. Would I be aware?
It's a long moving.
Yeah, you'll be aware and you fill it.
Yeah, why not?
All right.
I mean, I guess so.
It seems like a unique experience.
It is that or nothing.
Yeah, I'll do that.
You did that.
That's why how scary is the Diana.
I'd like to something.
I'll you'll relive being molested by that.
I don't think so.
Why me, Michael?
Because what if?
What if?
Where's oil?
Two fingers in your booty hole. I didn't get it.
Just for my family's sake.
Liquid gold.
I get molested by my under.
The, uh, well, he's, he can't speak for himself.
Maybe he will say he did.
But what a, but maybe that maybe that's a, maybe that's a task.
Maybe you do that so you can learn and become more enlightened.
I mean, that's why I would say I would do it.
If somebody says you're doing this literally just to stay around, then I wouldn't do that.
You know, but if you can learn something, of course, you probably leave something.
If there was something like to be God, everything that was your biggest fear, this thing
of your biggest scared moment, you're like, I've hung care with a hole you were.
You were willing to relive that moment by moment. I think I would imagine at that point, I would say, I'm going you're like, I've hung care with a hold you are, you're willing to relive that moment by moment.
I think I would imagine at that point, you would have the kind of perspective to know
it.
You shouldn't have been afraid of it.
Okay.
You know, because obviously too, because you know already the ending of the movie, you're
like, I lived through that, but it still could be something that you could be afraid of
that you can survive.
That you don't want to relive.
I don't even know what it, I just, I don don't want to be. I don't even know what it I don't even know what that would be.
All right.
As of now, I mean, I wouldn't want to the worst part would be reliving the pain of losing
loved ones.
That would be the worst part for me.
You know, anything else like the time I thought I was going to get mugged or I got into a fight
and I was scared.
You know, like that shit is, you know, it's what are you going to do?
You know what I mean?
Anyway.
All right.
Well, I'll get all deep in it.
I just want to see if I can make the Rosa cry.
This is the new format of the, you know what, dude podcast.
Bobby's going to be furious.
Bobby.
Yeah, Bobby's going to be furious.
Does heaven exist, dude?
I've seen heaven do the same.
I'm Chris Beacon.
I was heaven.
I wonder if heaven's got a buffet, dude.
I was just the impractical Joker's Christmas.
And all with respect and all seriousness, I see Bobby working out on Instagram.
We're proud of you.
I'm proud of you, Bobby.
Keep doing that, man.
How's that need doing?
I mean, I'm having a brother.
It looks like he's doing great, man.
So we're proud.
I'm proud of you, Bobby.
Keep it up, man.
Yes.
Got to stay alive.
Yes.
Yes.
But that's what we're talking about.
Bobby's going to be walking out of the gym tomorrow a boulder's gonna fall in his bed
That's
When you died doing the right thing
I'm going to go on and think what the right thing this holds out. All right, that's our show everybody.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for having me on guest host.
Yeah.
Thank you to everybody who was here and we already plugged so I will see you later.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
You've been listening to the YKWD podcast.
Thanks for listening.
Now go back to your shitty jobs. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.
Now go back to your shitty jobs.
Shitty jobs.
Shitty jobs.
Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet.
And they're all free.
And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.
Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan.
¡Friparás!
Vuelas de madrida, Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.
Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad.
Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com