Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - One on One with Jack Vaughn

Episode Date: July 13, 2017

One on One with Jack Vaughn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com. Welcome to the You Know What Dude podcast. This is a special edition where Robert goes one on one with some of the most interesting people in the world. Or at least in his world. So sit back and relax, and enjoy. You know what, dude?

You know what, dude? I know what! The You Know What Dude podcast. One, on one. I'm ready. Oh, testing one, two, test one, two. Let me hear you. Three, two, one. You know what?

I'm ready. I'm ready. Oh, testing one, two, test one, two. Let me hear you. Three, two, one. You know what? I'm ready. I'm ready.

I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready.

I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready? I'm ready. Oh, testing one, two, test one, two. Let me hear you. Three, two, one. You know what, dude? Yeah, I'm just gonna tap your mic a little quicky. Tap it, tap it, just to make sure it's working.

Huh. That's what I thought. That way. That's cool. I'd have to plug in. There we go. There we go. All right, testing one, two. Jackie. Testing one, two. You know what, dude? What? You see, you go. All right, testing one, too. Jackie. Testing one, too.

You know what, dude? What? You see, you just have a soft voice, I guess. Very soft voice. Let me just hold it like a little baby microphone. Like a little baby microphone. What? Is this the site, ready?

Hi, baby microphone. Can I hold it like a baby microphone? You want to hold it? Try to. Go ahead. What do we want to do? This is going to be better, right? A little baby microphone? I just want to see if it Try to. Go ahead, what do we want to do? This is going to be better, right? A little baby microphone.

I just want to see if it's working. Tip tip. What's got to work? Yeah, it's working. See that? What you got from a tip? We've got a good tip tip. All right, listen. We've got a good tip.

Ooh, tip. All right, so anyway, just tip tip. I'm leaving all this in. No, no. Oh, absolutely. I don't edit at all. We didn't start that. I'm ripping off Bobby Tisdale.

You can't have me starting off ripping off Bobby Tisdale. Well, then you explained it to now. You're out. That's how it works. If you explain the thievery, then you get to, don't you hear anything that's going on in the comments? No. All right.

This is a one-on-one. Thank you very much. Those are large chocopena nemenems much Those are large chocolate peanut M&M's Why dream did not come true The worst this is the worst tasting M&M ever Oh, is this a cocoa a cocoa light? Oh Okay, no, it's okay. Oh, it's a zero. I'll take zero. Yeah. I'm a zero It goes with my nickname.

All right. For those of you who can't see, which is everybody, Bob, you just poured himself a Coke from a bottle. How great is that? Well, maybe I will edit it out. Ha, ha. Ha! All right, this is Robert Kelly's.

You know what, dude, one-on-one. And I'm tonight. There's Ian here, so it's sounding like one-on-one. Is he? No, he's not talking. This is one-on-one and I'm telling you in here. So it's telling like one on Is no he's not talking this is a one-on-one I don't do one-on-ones with half a People you know you keep quiet and you answer talk to me all right. This isn't a one-on-two This is a one-on-one Trying to change my podcast theme. I got to switch up the format man a lot of podcasts out there. Yeah, so listen one-on-one with who nobody in the comedy scene as far as fans of comedy know who you are.

But if it's true, try to build me up. I'm building you up right now, let me do it. But if you like comedy whatsoever, you've had a part of bringing some of the greatest comedians to walk the earth to people. Sure, okay. That's fair. It's absolutely fair. And people don't even, these people don't even know you exist. I've known you exist for hours.

I've known you for three days. Yeah. I've known you exist for hours. I've known you for three days. I've known you for years, but it came upon me. I was shocked to find out how much influence you had in the comedy world, especially when it came to Comedy Central. Let's just go back. People don't know this, that you founded Comedy Central Records. Yes, as crazy as that sounds. Yes, it was in 2002. And yeah, I just spent a Comedy Fan for years

and had run this label that imploded massively and I didn't know what to do. Wait a minute, first of all this is Jack Vaughn. Hey everybody. Jack Vaughn. Comedy, now who runs, what is it? You run it serious, what is the actual title? The Comedy Channels.

The Comedy Channels at Sirius. XM. Yes. Satellite Radio. Satellite Radio. Worldwide Nationwide. Even the Free. Worldwide Nation. Yes. Satellite radio.

Satellite radio. Worldwide. Nationwide. Nationwide. Nationwide. But people steal it worldwide. Yes, in Canada. People like it.

People steal. Sure. So you, but you just started it this year? Yes. Great. And before that, you were at comedy. Dynamics. New wave entertainment.

Yep. Making hour specials. Making content. Yeah. For comedy dynamics. New wave entertainment. Making hour specials, making content for comedy content. Right, went on. Okay, but before that, you were a founder of Comedy Center Records. Yes. And let's go before that. Sure. Because that's what the thing that people don't know about you

is that you look like, I'm not, I don't mean this is an insult. Oh boy. You look industry. You could be the industry side of it. You can always tell the entertainment side of it in a party and then whose industry. You would definitely be industry. I follow the industry.

I'm not talent. You know, follow the talent. Yeah. Maybe now it's very alty now. What's the giveaway? What's the giveaway? The Henleys. The three button pullover. I don't just talk about Henleys. The three button share it. What's the giveaway? What's the giveaway the henlies the three button pullover? I don't even talk about henlies the three button share it's a pullover with three buttons

All right, I wear those occasionally. Hmm. You've seen me in those occasionally. I've seen you in three of them this week I'm on vacation man. I actually bought one to make you feel comfortable I told don't I go go get me a henly she's like why I go I don't want you act to feel out of place I want to I told Don to go, go get me a handlead. She's like, why? I don't want Jack to feel out of place. I want him to feel like I'm a simulator. I'm a team. Maybe playing some kick call. So this is why I'm industry and not talent, ladies and gentlemen. No, you're actually very funny. You know, you make me laugh a lot. You really do. You're a very funny guy.

We've got rapport. We do have rapport. But that's another podcast. That's a whole nother podcast. These are very short podcasts. But the thing that blows me away about you, okay? And I have to give people back story on you because you have such an interesting life.

You've had such an interesting family. Your father headed the Peace Corps back in the 70s, am I correct? 60s. 60s, it was worse, right? Yeah, really, all the hippies. You did me? Gross. But the 70s, it fell apart, right?

No. It's never fallen apart. It's a great Irish nation. It's never fallen apart. It's a great Irish nation. Not the Peace Corps. His job, he took you, you and I ran before it. The show was taken down, correct?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of times, that could. You were a five-year-old getting beat up as a child. I wasn't a very tough five-year-old, admittedly. Right. But I mean, for a guy to look at you, if I was in a room, and I was to look at you, or anybody else in the room, and I was like, you have to fight one of these guys,

I'd fight you, I'd pick you. Oh yeah. But it would probably be the mistake of my life. Yeah, I don't know about that. Well, your puns would literally beat me to the ground. Oh sure, no. Oh yeah, no, absolutely. I thought we were talking about physical.

But the thing with you is that this, the one thing that I learned about you, you have no fear. You're one of the most fearless people I've ever met talking about physical. But the thing with you is that this, the one thing that I learned about you, you have no fear. You're one of the most fearless people I've ever met in my life. That makes me proud. You lived in Guatemala for three years as a kid. Yep.

You had a story about your prom getting pulled over by guerrillas. Right, not go. Yeah, guerrillas. Got guerrillas, not like guerrillas. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah all of the facts quite frankly that would have been more terrifying what this bunch of guerrillas coming out from nowhere they rip off people's faces

that were the news these guys awful these guys pulled you over a gunpoint on your prom night yeah got you on your hands and knees yeah and then we're we're gonna do what to you I Lord knows I I mean, it sounds bad when you say it that way. Yeah, you know where I went on my prom? A Chinese restaurant. No problems. Just drove there. I was in America. Sure.

There's a lot of MSG in the 80s. This is my problem with you. Could we trouble? You downplay. If I got pulled over by go, Rillis. Gah. Gah. Gah.

Gah, whatever. I should have used the word gorilla. We should have given it the word. What's another word for those people? Marxist freedom fighters. Let's say that. Gorillas. So anyways.

We. We. If I got pulled over by, if I got pulled over a gunpoint on my prom, put on hands and knees and made it through that, do you understand how I would be like my opening story everywhere I went? I mean, I would be, but that's, I mean, that's only half the story.

It starts out at the house of the largest drug dealer in Guatemala, and Guatemala was a crazy drug transmit point at that era. It was kind of like scar face level, really cocaine at that party, just everywhere, and they were shooting off guns in the house. And you were there. Yeah.

And then the gorilla thing came afterward in a separate incident. So you had a drug lord's house for your there. Yeah. And then the gorilla thing came afterward in a separate incident. So you had a drug lord tell us for you, Pram. Yeah. Why? I've been trying to figure that out. And I've been talking with people who went with me for a while and someone knew.

I guess someone in my class was dating a low-level drug trafficker? I'm just piecing the story together now actually, because being in high school in Guatemala is sort of like being a NAM. Yeah, so, so, every, you know, there were 19 people in my graduating class, was sort of tightly, tightly knit group,

even though no one liked each other. We have meetings, we're kind of like an AT, you know? And, and, and, and, there was a different, because no one believes the story. My wife didn't believe the story until we had dinner with someone who was there. Right. We, a friend of mine who was there, came to New York,

we had dinner, and she added new parts of the story. She told the crap, you're not, you're not making this up. I'm like, no, it's, and it didn't seem weird at the time. It's like, yep, sure, we live in Guatemala. This is how things go. But, yeah, no, it's pretty crazy times. And then you come to America.

You come back here because Guatemala. I am love America. You come here, 19, you're in your 19. You graduate high school, correct? Yeah, and you let, or 18, you know,, and you're 18, no, I'm not. 18, and you'll look, I'm out. I'm gone. Yeah.

I'm out of this country. I left Guatemala the second I graduated, probably the early morning after I graduated, we're just out because I didn't think that my survival chances were very good there. Do you think you would have been killed? Better than average chance They're seeing now if I had that I would be I'd be say you say it like There might be rain tomorrow There's gonna be rain tomorrow. There's a 50 50 chance. There's a bunch of distance now though in fairness

Right, there's 25 years distance so I can I can pretend to be cool about it Well, you you aren are back then then. I don't know. The problem is when you're in it, it sort of feels like, that this is just normal. Right. And you get, you got accustomed to it.

And I didn't even realize it was a good story until a couple of years afterwards. Because it's like, yep, just another day. Yeah, in high school. But yeah, so I think there's, I don't mean to seem callous about it, but it was, it seemed normal at the time and then when I started telling the story, it sort of seemed crazy. And your father, your father's book, which I have, which I was gonna read this week, but I never, since I have a

four-year-old, you're not gonna read anymore. I didn't have one second of reading. I would literally hit the better, you know, just done. I know the feeling. People don't know that we just spent seven days. Seven days on a boat. Seven days on a boat in the canals of Belgium.

We were doing a thing with a guy, never mind. We were dealing drugs. No kidding. What? I'm kidding. We were just on the boat with the family and friends. It was great. It was unbelievable.

But it was definitely having the kids added a wrinkle that was very taxing. The greatest thing ever. Yeah, and we didn't even suffer the brunt of it. It was the wives. The wives, yeah, thank God. Below decks. Thank God.

Yeah, we were up in the galley. We were living large upstairs, driving the boat. Three miles an hour straight. Blasting down the canals. And then every time they pop the head up, we're like, no, we need pure concentration here, ladies. Take care of the child, folk. We, honey, I can't right now.

There's a bridge I have to go under. There's eight miles down the straightaway. We're blasting it 4 kilometers an hour. We need all the concentration. What's funny today because we took the train today to Bruges. It took us five and a half hours from Newport, right? So what is it? Ones stand.

Ones stand. Oh, stand. Yeah. Oh, stand the brooge took us five and a half hours on the boat. It took us 14 minutes by train. Top. Yeah. It's like we fired. It was a very poor choice of transportation.

We got the Brussels. It took us another five hours to give from Bruce. But we were, we took us, quite literally 22 hours in transit. It was an hour and 15 minutes by train. It literally. How dumb. Yeah, we really, we really went back in time. So dumb.

So dumb. We could have took moats, we would have got there faster. We had to sleep on the boat, too. We had to sleep on the boat. But don't forget the 37 second showers we were able to take. Yeah, those are fun. You got to wash your butt, your ding ding, and one on pit. Oh, with lukewarm to cold water.

And then you got to stand in it until you push the button in the drain. Oh, that was released right into the can. Yeah, you go friendly and gross. I had to ring around the ankles for three days. So it's not as appealing as we're making it out everybody. Well it was actually a really good time. It was fun. It was fun. Would you ever do it again? It's like a water RV. Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Maybe

summer. It was a really good time. It was a really good time. But it was it's picture this. If we went to, what was it, Gunt? Gunt. I think you're pronouncing it correctly, actually. Gunt? Yeah. If you went to Gunt,

Like a local. Okay, Gunt. And we spent two days in a hotel. Then went to Brush, two days in a hotel, and then went to Brussels, two days in a hotel. That sounds like a fun trip. Yeah, it would have took, it would have took 48 minutes by train.

Yeah. Instead of the hours behind a wheel, a helm. Yeah. Jesus. RV of the sea is maybe. I'm filling up the water. Oh. But apparently, so we were supposed to stand these

in the house. And then mind the spiders, can we talk about the, can I make up a spider? Oh my God. What are spiders doing at sea? Well, why? It was like a raconophobia on the boat. But who I make a couple of spiders? What are spiders doing at sea? Why? It was like a racnephobia on the boat. But who doesn't clean the fucking spiders?

I don't know, but it's the weirdest thing because we would dock and eight hours later, there were the spiderwebs. Waddups. It's like a haunted house. I'm, and I don't know what. Yeah. Yeah, and my kid waking up every day

with bite marks on him. Yeah, like in the measles or something. He's gonna have superhero powers, man. Tell me, get back to the US. Fucking crazy. I don't know, man. I don't know. So everyone, if you're gonna run to boat,

just be aware of the spiders. Yeah, be aware of the spiders. Yeah, see spiders, get you every time. Bring a bunch of napkins. Yeah. Anyways, sprays, some sort. So we spent this time here. Spiders will get you every time. Bring about your napkins. Yeah. Anyways. Yeah. So it is. So it is some sort.

So we spent this time here. Yeah. Now I'm kind of jumping all over the place because you're- We're never going to talk about the label. We are going to talk about the label. But there's too much good travel stuff to talk about. There's a lot of travel stuff. I've got to talk about Guatemala.

I know we've got a model and we have Guatemala. Bobby went to Guatemala twice with me. Now here's- And it was awesome. Once was awesome. The first time was one of the biggest nightmares of my life. It was really fun for me. It was fun for you because you lived there and then you went back and you invite me to go out of model like we're going to Ocapoca.

And then the night before we leave, I read about it on the internet and it says don't go. If you're American, don't go. Yeah, that was awesome. And I had four hundred old cash on me. Like I was going to buy Christmas presents for everybody. No, that was awesome. And I had four different like I was gonna buy Christmas presents for everybody. No, I was about it. Yeah, and then and then you told me you didn't tell me like the food There was chicken and steak and rice and beans. That's it Every we went every restaurant. We had it was in Spanish. So I had to translate was on it

But I was like, what's this like every every every yeah by day three meals god damn you snapped at me day three There's little snapping. It's tortillas and beans and rice and chicken and... You went, Bobby. It's chicken, it's chicken rice and steak. That's all they have. What do you want? It's a third rule country.

Do you care for? What do you think they're coming out of it? What do you think they're gonna have? You don't have pastries. It says, no fucking bakeries, you fatso. No pie. I really thought I was like Andrew Zimmerman So yeah, you took me to Guatemala. We went to Guatemala. Oh, those are so much a little we said on the website at the airport is most likely You'll get robbed yeah, they says on but on the website

Me looking dude hang on one second hang on first of all on the website to the country are going to when they tell you not to go That's that's not good publicity for them. Yeah, bad for tourism too. It's terrible for tourists. That means it's really bad. Okay, so now we'll go in there. You rent a car which is hilarious. Oh, yeah, because it took three hours for them to check every dent. Oh, yeah, there's no there's no fast tracking. And then we get into some car that I didn't even I don't even know the company's name Mazuzuki. I don't like what you never get you never ridden of the Mazuzuki. Yeah, what the

fuck is a Mazuzuki? It's a five doordoor hatchback. It's the style, man. So we're in this car. We go to this beautiful city in Tigua, right? Is that it? Yeah, the former colonial capital. That's where the drug dealers house was on prom night. Oh, really? Yep.

Beautiful place. I mean, it's, oh. And that's where I left $400 cash on a toilet. Yeah. Because I had a money belt on. And every, because I'm too chubby to have a money belt. So anyway, I had to pick it up over my tits. I did it the money out. I didn't like picturing that.

And then I took the money out and I took the toilet. And then we were in the mountains of Guatemala. And I was like, I love my money. Oh, that was a bad day. You were like, yep, you did. You were. There was no going back for that. No. Some time, I gave somebody a new house. Actually, like, yep, you did. There was no going back for that. No.

Some, I gave somebody a new house. Actually, I think you realized within 15 minutes. Right. And then my back. We were still eating at the restaurant. Oh, did I? And we were still reading the restaurant. And you went back and it was long gone.

Yeah, it was long gone. Some guy had about 19 donkeys. Yeah, someone's a major like Ron Chero now. And I put six more levels on his house. Oh, yeah. So then we're actually we're going up to this, then we get into a thunderstorm in the mountains. That's right. And you were scared. Yeah, because the visibility was zero, there's no guard rails. It's one buses pass on the curve going about 70 miles an hour.

Yeah, and it's a straight, 100 foot drop. Yeah, on either side, on one right away. And by the way, like, it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but there was about 10 feet of visibility. Yeah, no. Max. It was 10 feet, we're in a Mazazuki.

The Mazazuki limper. Going up a mountain, right? Right. In the rain, with buses flying by us. In no guardrails. And there's a? Right. In the rain. Yeah. With buses flying by us. It no guard real. And there's a hundred foot drop to the right. Yeah. Yeah.

Did our tire pop then? Or did it pop to the next day? That was the next day. Yeah. And we're New Yorkers and haven't changed a tire in about a decade. And to see a struggle in the rain, fixing this tire that's really sad.

You'll say this. You know, that rug I bought for $50,000. So Bobby bought this schlocky, cheapo touristy rug at the market. I gotta stop. This is what happened. This is 100% true. Whatever Bobby says, don't buy it.

We get out of the car. And 19 women with little tiny A-blinken hats attack me. I don't know what he is talking about. The little A-blinking hats, they have those little hats. Those little A-blinking hats, those little hats. I think you have a fever dream. I don't know what you're talking about. Don't they wear little hats?

Those little Guatemalan women. Sure. Sure. They came out with the, they were like, oh, buy a rug, buy a rug, buy two, two, two, two, two. And I was like, I go, I go, we're going to the market. When I get back, I'll buy something, right? When we got back, they were waiting for me. Remember? They were waiting at the car.

Twenty of them. No, sure. And you set me to the friggin' dogs. You deserved it. Why? Because you had already said that you were going gonna get something and they don't forget stuff like that I lie to people all the time Well, you can't lie to people in Guatemala. No, not when it comes to stuff like that. I lied to homeless people in New York No, there's a lover and then there was Like you have to you you said you're gonna buy and I had to buy that rug

I had to buy the rug to get him off my back. It was like 40 bucks. It was like a $2 rug. You think you got robbed with your 400 man, man. So there was a schlocky $40 rug that I think you're being low on price wise. It was raining out. We blew a tire in the middle of nowhere. And we're useless New Yorkers are struggling

with the jack and the, this is how useless we, I can't even remember the lug wrench or whatever you used to get the wheel off. And Bobby puts this, this, this crappy blue dyed blue tourist blanket on the ground so we can kneel on it. It just soaks up all the water on the ground and then winds up dying my pants blue. We're struggling for 45 minutes in the pouring rain trying to get this tire change.

I pants knees with different colors. Truly I had to throw the pants away and I think we just left the rug there because it was it was it wasn't worth Taking this it was really $80. It's smelled like a dead cat. Oh They made the rug out of cat the least fun Indiana Jones movie you could ever watch But then we get back to the hotel and It stopped raining. We wound up going to dinner at a local restaurant. It was nice. Yeah, until I got, I got dysentery. Now I'm in the hotel room. It was blasting out both ends.

Well, I was in the hotel. It was, it was, it was, like, it was, I was literally had to choose between pool and pew. At the same time, yeah, yeah. I had to choose. We should have just gotten in the bathtub and let fly. I'm dying. And I just and let fly. I'm dying. And I just wanted my grandmother.

You got angry at me that I didn't go in and hold your head. You said that to me. I didn't want to hold my head. I was furious. No, no, dude. You wanted me to hold your head. I was mad because you didn't say, are you okay? Oh, yeah, I did.

No, you didn't. You were an adult. Buddy, you threw me premium crackers. Like four of them. I won't tell you. You'll be all right. I got you a pet that bizzom. I, you threw me premium crackers. Like four of them. You know, you'll be all right. I got you a pep to Bismal. I got you all sorts of stuff. Okay, you did get me pep to Bismal.

But you were annoyed that I was sick. No, I wasn't. You hadn't in a way that I was too. I was completely sympathetic. You did not. Dude, are you two, are you two, are you two, serial killer? I was annoyed you're being a little bitch about it. I was, I was, no, quite a mountain snake about it. Oh my god. I was, you know, Guatemalan's fake.

You got them every orbs. Dude, dude. In fairness, that's the worst kind of, the monosumas revenge again, Guatemala, that you're describing is only, but I don't know if I've told you this, and I'm not making this up just to make you feel bad. Yeah It's the it's the kind of dysentery you get from consuming fecal matter. So I got poop. I ate poop

Yeah, if someone didn't wash his hands up really so some dishwasher had poop on his hands. Yeah, yeah Didn't read the side of the matter. Yeah, and I ate poop. Yep. That's great. That's the long short of it That's great. You're telling me that six years later. Well, like there's enough distance where you can have a sanguine outlook on it. Oh, God. Oh, God. I ate poop. Probably. Almost assuredly. Oh, well. All right. There you go.

Somebody has to talk about records. This is so much better. So listen, we've had so much fun. We, I have had've had so much fun. We've had so much fun. We, I have had to amend this amount of fun. Well here's the next to party that sucks, because we go back again.

Sure. Don't forget, let's do part two of the podcast. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Okay, sure, sure, stop. Really, really quick. Are you talking about Maximon? I'm talking about the part where I found like Obsidian knives on the ground.

There's so many good parts of these stories, man. Right. We can't talk about comic-catchers, we gotta talk about this stuff. We can't talk about talk about talk about talk about stuff. Yeah, we can talk about a little bit. All right, we go, there's a, there's a, there's a archaeological site.

Oh, we, yeah, we got it, we got it plenty of time. We got 40, we got 20 more minutes. What? So we're in archaeological site called Comin' El Who You, which is in the center of Guatemala city. like a 50, 20-mo minutes. So we're in an archaeological site called Kaminal Huyu, which is in the center of Guatemala City. And it's the location of one of their big obsidian knife manufacturing centers.

This is a late classic period mindset, probably, you know, 500, you know, 50980. Yeah, right. This is a thousand years old, right? Sure, right? Yeah. Two thousand, sure. Okay, right. This is a thousand years old, right? Sure. Yeah. Two thousand. Sure.

Okay, so when I look on the ground, I find out I'm city and knife. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm like, what's this? You like that's a knife. That's what they used to use to cut fruit and cut in its open, right? Really cool artifact. Right. I found a couple of them.

Yeah. I took them on my pocket. Yeah, the place is lousy with them. Right. They're all over the place. Yeah. So I find them. Now, cut two. I'm in my pocket. Yeah, the place is lousy with him. Right. They're all over the place. Yeah. So I find him. Now, cut to, I'm in the airport, still with, with, shitting my pants and puking.

Right. Panicking that I'm gonna be arrested. First muggling antiquities. Yes. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Now, I'm in the bathroom. I'm shitting my pants.

And all of a sudden, two of the cops come in, two of the airport police come in. Are you sure you're not adding to the story? Buddy, I swear to God, I'm in the bathroom. They come in. So now I gently go out, I wrap all the antiquities in toilet paper, and I go to the barrel as I'm going out, and I drop them in the barrel.

The guy who changes the trash trash just took the trash out. It's an empty barrel. I imagine him as Billush. Once again, Dr. Kelly, there's nothing you possess that I could not take. I drop them in the barrel. You hear, ching. It just made the loudest.

There's nothing in there except I'm sitting there. I was just smashing to the bottom of the barrel. A thousand years of history wrapped up with old paper towels. I went back into the bathroom and thank God I was crappin' again and the noise- Oh yeah thank God. The noise my asshole made with the cops leave the bathroom. It sounded like my ass was showing up. Word public by the way, Liza Jolly. We're in public by the way, Liz. And a nice restaurant. A nice hotel in Belgium. So now we're on the plane.

I'm dying on the plane. You haven't talked to me in two hours, by the way. You like stop talking to me. Like I embarrassed you on a date. Like you had to give me your ride home. Yeah, bad. You're not talking to me. I had me on the meat sweats were awful.

Oh. So now I'm on the plane meat sweats. I got a little bad. I really did feel bad for you though. I know, you showed it. And that's my concern. Yeah, well, I'm sitting there. Then we have to change plans in Houston.

Yeah. I leave my Sony little portable gaming system that I just got. You lost so much money on that trip. con bolotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectaculariz monumentos, ¡Aaaaaah! ¡Aaaaaah! Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volote pocket. Sorry. So, if you see someone hopping, just hold the top of the head down. Don't rob me. So, we go back. You want to go back, right? A second time.

Yeah. Sort of a redo. A redo, yeah. And I'm rocking and rolling this time. Oh yeah. I'm rocking and rolling. Until we throw a wrinkle in. Yeah. I redo. And I'm rocking and rolling this time. Oh yeah. I'm rocking and rolling until we throw a wrinkle in. Yeah. Yeah.

Go ahead. So there's in certain areas, the Mayan Indians worship a deity called Sun Simone, which is a combination of I think Judas and Pedro de Alvarado and some sort of Mayan deity, all wrapped into ones. Pure evil. Yeah, my uncle Sean. Sure. Bad guy.

He looks. The Mayans hated Yorkel Sean. It's been, I've seen the hieroglyphs. The guy look like a hobo. I mean, it doesn't look like any other god is like god like this guy had a cigar in a hat. Yeah, we're like a black hat. What god is a hat? No, just a bad creepy dude.

And yeah, they offer a grain alcohol and cigars to him. Yeah, cigars. And they get together. There's a small city across the river, the name escapes you right now, where they have a life size sun, seamone lying down in the glass coffin. Yeah. And the small house, and they just get blasted on grain alcohol and smoke cigarettes and just worship this thing all day. And you can go visit that house. Yeah, so I thought you should see it. So here's the thing though, he doesn't set me up with this.

You set me up, you say, hey, let's go take a boat ride. Yeah, we take a boat. We get on a beautiful boat. Sure. We're going across this lake. Why not? To an island. Yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah. We get to the island, we get off the boat, we walk over the pier. You hire a little boy with a man face.

Literally. He looked, he looked. It was a four-year-old child with the head of a man. Yeah. He had a scar from ear to ear. He looked like a James Bond villain. Sure. He seemed like a good guy.

He had just his head. He seemed like a James Bond villain. Sure, he seemed like a good guy. He just had a good guy for you. He was, he was three feet tall, maybe two something with a man head. Right. He had a cleft chin, he had a scar from his, he had an eyebrow but a little piece missing out of it. Like, he'd been in like 19 barfights. And you hire this sucker, this sucker to take me into the city to go find maximum. He seemed like a really reasonable guy.

He scared the shit out of me. And he was, the press was right. I think it was like three bucks. Three bucks, this kid takes me up a hill into a town, into some old lady's house. And there's a statue of a guy with a hat. Yeah. Yeah. And then I got to give him money.

Yeah. I had to throw him money. There's no price for experience. And then the kid, the man face boy left me. He goes, oh, he goes, okay, because apparently you didn't give him enough money to take me back. You just gave him enough money to get me there. So now I'm walking around this village by myself. I find myself walking through like a market,

an open-air market with like, I don't know, it looked like chicken hearts. And then vegetables I've never seen before. And like, sassquatch feet. And I was a giant among people just walking, and then vegetables I've never seen before and like, sashquash feet. And I was a giant among people, just walking, I stuck out like this. I remember just walking by a dog dying.

It was just a dog. There were a lot of dogs there. But this one wasn't dead, but it was dying. It was like I'm the verge of death and I'm watching it die. And people were walking by it like it was a fucking rug. They weren't doing anything. It's kind of, that sounds kind of like serpent in the rainbow.

I feel like. It's fucking the creep. You left me. I'm walking through this town. I finally found a coffee shop. I sit, I grab a chair and put it on the outside of the coffee shop. Right.

And wait for you. I'm getting ice cream. My plan was that either I'm gonna live here. Right. If you don't come back, or you'll walk by me. I was getting concerned we didn't show up back at our schedule for rendezvous point. The rendezvous point, how do I know? It's a small town, we could have, I don't know.

Those were fun trips, man. We need to do that again. Bobby's letting us to go. For our listeners. And that's how Comedy Central record started. Well, here's the backup point to this, to even get to that, which we can get into right now, is that you've lived this life.

I've never met anybody who's traveled more than you, who's gone to the most, I mean, you've been to Syria during Ramadan. You've, I mean, you have to, if you don't visually see, I'm just gonna describe you, and I don't want you to be insulted. I'm gonna be insulted if you set it up like that. If you take, if you took a show in the 50s,

like a sitcom, an American, like leave it to beaver, or my three sons, you're that one of those guys. You're a, you're a, you're a thin, small, Dick Van Dyke looking motherfucker. I mean, I mean, am I wrong? No. All right. No. All right. No. Right.

I mean, you part your head of the side. You're a thin glass of water. You're a polite little son of a bitch. You can say scrawny. Yeah, you're scrawny. Good word. Yeah. You're scrawny.

All right. But, and you have a very even temperament. I've never seen you go too higher too low. You're the exact opposite of me. I mean, literally. Well, it's funny, because when we first met, it was at the backstage at the Dane show. And you were talking with Gary, I think.

And I just thought to myself, I remember thinking myself, man, there is no way we're ever gonna be friends. And I love this guy to pieces. You're one of my favorite people. You're one of my favorite people, and I have a very small list. And it's really weird too, when people, I tell people in front of you,

they're like, why? Like, not even on your end though, they're like, why would he like you? But it's weird that you have this incredible life. And then when I did meet you, it was at a Dane Cook. It was this- It's an MSG. MSG, the small theater, you were presenting Dane with 80,000 copies.

Oh, the gold record. The gold record. And this is when Dane with 80,000 copies. Oh, the gold record. The gold record. And this is when Dane popped. USA Today, 80,000 copies, first week. It hasn't been done. Blah, blah, blah. And then I come to find out that you before commonly sent, commonly said you never had a record label.

No people were doing CDs on a very low level. I mean, no one was doing it. Nobody was doing it. They did do it. It was like doing it at their house. Or some crappy version of it. Yeah, I mean, all the big artists, I feel like had to head on,

but only the top of the dice and Chris Rock and Seinfeld, the top names. But anyone below the top names didn't do it other than, I think there were a couple of Bill Hicks records. Yeah. And they weren't, I mean, they were very, very hard to find. Because you started in music. You were in the park band in Guatemala,

which is a whole nother thing. And you're in the music and you had a record label with musicians. Right. And that makes sense to me. How did you go, I want to do comedy. How could you be that big a fan of something? Because to do comedy, to deal with comedians, because we're the craziest fucking, we're nuts. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to. Well, you know, I want to miss words. Hmm. No.

And, but how do you go from saying, okay, I want to go do comics. How do you get involved in that? Well, it was kind of weird because I was doing swing bands, if you remember that, being hit for about a half a minute in the mid to late 90s. Why swing bands? Well, because there was this underground swing movement. And all these swing bands really were X members of punk bands. Oh, really?

Yeah, alternative and what an agitated guitar rock had gotten so boring and corporatey at that by say the mid-90s. And there was this underground movement of swing bands. I thought, no, this is a really cool scene. I want to put out these records. And so did that. But I'd always been a fan of comedy and you know watch stand up every time, every chance I could and knew all the sets. And then Mitch Hedberg had self-released

his first album, his strategic grill locations record and just sold it off of his website. And I was like, how is something that good, not in stores and distributed. So I wanted to put out comedy records for a long time and it just didn't, I was more like, I had on my mind because these things haven't really sold since the late 70s or early 80s. And I approached Comedy Central with the idea for it and what is your pitch?

When you go into Comedy Central, you're going in as they don't know you, right? No. They have no idea you are. No idea. You walk in by yourself. I walked in with a friend who was able to introduce me to Larry Divney, who was the head of the company back then.

Right. But I look young and goofy, like you were painting a portrait of earlier. Yes. And you were painting a portrait of earlier. Yes. And you know, a fishing rod all the time. Yeah. And a propeller cap. Yeah.

And a chalkboard for your schoolwork. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I looked, I looked 17 when I pitched the notion. Really? Yeah. What was the pitch? It was like, hey, I want to put out how many records in here is the proposal. So the long version of this is,

Larry Diffney, the head of the company, said, oh, you should talk to this woman named Holly Lim. Yeah, it was a head of new business development. And I go down with my friend and picture this idea. And, you know, I really I really don't look authoritative or believable at all. And she goes, oh, this is sort of an interesting thing, but we're talking to major labels about maybe doing licensing and about it.

And we're not sure it's a great idea. And I said, but the plan looks interesting. But I don't know if it's right for us. And she said, oh, I'd like to see more detail on this, this, this, and this. And I said, I was reasonably sure I was getting the brush off, which was a perfect response to my proposal. Right. And I said, well, great.

When can I, I'll get you more detail on this and head back whenever you want. She goes, well, I'll be traveling for the next few weeks. That's definitely sounds like a good question. Yeah, no, it's 100% a problem. Anytime somebody in the entertainment world goes, I'm going on a little vacation for a couple weeks.

Yeah. You're like, oh, fuck me. Yeah, exactly. And if she goes, I said, well, where are you going to be? And she goes, I'm going to be in Las Vegas in three days. And I said, you're kidding. I'm going to be in Las Vegas in three days. And I said, you're kidding. I'm going to be in Las Vegas in three days.

Where are you? No. Oh my god. You slimey little mama. Yeah, you know. Wow. The swing label had imploded so badly. I was in a year and a half depression.

Really? Yeah, I'd never want anything more, I'm like, I just like, I had to get out of Arizona. I was in Arizona at the time. And like I had to get out of Arizona. I was in Arizona at the time. Right. And I had just had to get out of Arizona. And so I just flew home and stayed up for three days straight working on this plan. Right. And then drove all night. I got the plan done about 3 a.m. on the day we were meeting and then drove eight and a half hours. So I was to Las Vegas gets the meeting with 10 minutes to spare.

I have no idea what I said. And I just presented to this plan and I would I kept calling and calling and I would call her up and say, hey, I'm going to be in New York, I'm business, do you have a chance to meet? Lies again. Oh yeah. And if she said yes, I'd buy the ticket.

I had no, I would have made this. And if she said no, I wouldn't. And after about nine months of pestering. Wow. She said, yeah, all right, we'll give this a shot. And I owe Polly everything because it just turned my life around. Because the nice thing about it is that no one was doing it at the time.

So kind of had the pick of the litter in terms of artists. Yeah. Yeah. So what was your pick? Who did you start the label with? The label was started. This is 2002, so none of these comics were really household names at. But it was Davittel, Lewis Black,

Mitch, Bobcat Goldthwaite, and this up-and-coming clubcomic named Dane Cook. And yeah, within six months the label was profitable. And within three years we were top 10 independent label and then within five years we were top five. And it was really cool because kind of there was no one else doing this. And at the time Comedy Central had a lot of excess

ad inventory. So we could put commercials on TV for these records, which no one else could do. Yeah. And so it was a really great marketing tool. And he had to convince record stores to even take them. Right. Because they didn't have comedy sections at that point. So you invented the comedy section at record stores. Well, the label was, yeah. We had to push and push and push to get because there weren't any comedy records. There were five or six comedy records. So there wasn't a need for a section.

So we had to cut out another. Well, by the end of record stores, there was a huge comedy section. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had a part in that. Yeah, that was pretty much the result of putting out these, you know, getting enough volume out there to make it worthwhile for them to start sections. Now let me ask you a question, Mitch Heiburg. Now, this is something I heard and I don't know if this is true.

His first comedy half hour, he bombed. And they, yeah, badly and they re-edited it. So I put a DVD with the album on that. The album was called Mitch Alt Together and put a DVD on that of the edited Comedy Central half hour. And then I found in the vault the unedited hour show that they cut it down from. And you can see it if you buy the DVD,

that sounds like a very old-fashioned statement. Yeah, it is. So if you can find a DVD player, and then you can find the physical copy of the DVD, you can see that the crowd doesn't get it. And they're dummies. That show was so good. And you just look at, you see people in the audience

looking at you like, what the hell is this? And oh my God, it's so good. And they just don't get it. It makes me mad. But it's like, it's like Mitch Hedberg is in a, at that point point wasn't a quiet taste though, because nobody did what he did. Right.

It's almost like trying a new food. It's like, the presentation was like, what is that? And then if you tasted it, if you got to know it, you're like, oh my god, this guy's hilarious. Right. It's almost like a rhythm that it was like, what is that? And then if you tasted it, if you got to know it, you're like, oh my God, this guy's hilarious. It's almost like a rhythm that it was like, you could catch. Well, yeah, you had to be on the right wavelength. I mean, because a lot of it's very bizarre.

It's very dude. But someone asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said no, but yes, because I might want a regular one later. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's something to do that joke. Yeah. To come up with that joke, it's him doing it, the tempo he's doing it in, but it's also like it's fucking ridiculous because it's such a, it's so smart. Yeah, and it's like, no, but yeah, it's his inimitable style. The

example I like to use is about the traffic light and the banana. Go ahead. Yeah, because on a traffic light, red means stop and yellow means slow down and green means go ahead. But on a banana, it's the exact opposite. Green means hold on and yellow means go ahead and red means where did you get that banana?

And if you wrote that down and you read that and didn't know it was mid. She'd think it was a kid's little thing. What? Yeah. What? Yeah. But just the way he did it, his inimitable style was just so good. Yeah.

Just staggering. Now, who is the first one out of that? Now, when you put this together, and now you have, they give you an office right away, or did you do it from your home? No, I moved to New York in the middle of winter, and yeah, just started. I guess it was tiny little office,

and I didn't have an assistant for anyone else working on the label for that matter for six or seven years after. Wow. Yeah. So it was just you making. Yeah. So now, and then Dan was taking off, right?

So at the same time. Yeah. Well, it took off very quickly, because he had released. Most people think his fame is him just getting on instant messenger on a well and my space was in the my space and that's where his fame came from his fans that's a lot of it but

the so we repackage his album and put a DVD of his comedy of the tv shows yet on comedy central on it and uh... read the artwork and put it into stores. And I think we, I didn't, this was before digital. It was just CDs at that point. Right.

I didn't think it was going to sell more than two or three thousand copies. Because he had sold about 6,000 copies on his own in nine months, which was like an amazing amount of units. Right. And so shipped about 3,000 copies, and 2,000 of those sold within the first week. Wow. So we had to scramble, and we sold 2,000 copies of that record

every week, like a Swiss watch, for two years. What the fuck? 2,000 units every week, like a Swiss watch for two years. What the fuck? Yeah. 2000 units every week, non-stop. I was just waiting for that one week when it would decline and it never did. So by the time that was harmful as well, so by the time retaliation came out, we were ready to release retaliation, we'd quietly sold a quarter of million copies. So I knew we could put a lot of money behind it. We spent tons of money and I bought billboards

and bus sides and phone booth advertising and pricing cutouts and tower records. Pricing and positioning and all the- People don't know that. In the tower records, the stores, the record stores, where it is in the rack, and if it's on the board at the top of what's new. Yeah, and that costs money.

At the speed table, it costs a lot of money. So if you remember record stores, kids, there would be things called listening stations where you could go on and put your headphones on and listen to the album before you bought. That cost 50 to 100 bucks each store to put those in. So you could spend tens, hundreds of thousands of dollars really easily getting the record out there and available.

And because there's no comedy section, you always had to spend money on positioning to put it in the front of the store racks because otherwise it'd be in the back, Celtic music section, right? That no one would ever find. So yeah, it took a lot of money to launch a record but because those, that quarter of a million unit, Harfless Wallow sales had happened. I was

reasonably sure and people were passionate about him. I mean, people know another, no one over 25 knew who he was, but everyone under 25 did and they were passionate about it. So, um, retaliation came out. It sold 84 or 86,000 copies first week and was number three or four on the bill were top 200 and Everyone was like Huh? What is this USA today? I remember being at a gig and every every crappy hotel in the world gets the USA today Yeah, what are they saying that that's the that's the paper for stupid people because it has more pictures than words for those of you who like your news in color Right. Yeah, so I remember opening it up and it it was him. Yeah, I was on the front cover actually

He was on the front car now. Did you did you have to get that stuff that type of press? Our press department did a really good job with it, but A lot of that just happens kind of on its own. There's a certain point where you don't need people pushing it where it's just such an explosion that people just pick it up, pick up the story. Now, was he the first one that blew up in the doors for you? Or was that the one where people were like,

oh my God, yeah, it was crazy times because, I mean, we could talk for hours about this side of it. But all the records wound up doing pretty well. You got Lewis Black. Lewis Black. When he was just starting to have appearances on the daily show. And he's in his 50s at that time.

Yeah, must have been. Yeah. And Mitch had Berg. Yep. So the Dane Cook records the first two did about 1.3 million copies each. And then Mitch altogether is almost at half a million. And then like a David Teller or Lewis Black,

we do 100 to 150,000 copies. And what's so scary was I don't know how long this would run because my last label lasted basically 18 months in success. So you're only as good as your next record. But the next wave was, I got pretty lucky too, because signed Gaffigan and Gerardo and Swartzon and Daniel Tosh. Jesus. And this was, this was 2005, Todd Berry, and they weren't household names yet. So it was just kind of a guess on who was gonna be,

a Tosh boy, oh, wouldn't come out for years. But now this is where you're actually making people famous. I mean, how, you're assisting in this in a big way. I like to think so. I mean, absolutely. Because some of these are the only content you could get from them was from the records. Like, Mitch Hedberg didn't have anything other than a sort of a cut appearance

on that 70s show and his half hour. So people were passing around these records, and that's all I wanted to do. I just wanted to help people to help cut, these comics get out there, because there's so much talent. Everyone talks about the Renaissance and comedy, and that's 100% true,

because people like Burbiglia, and I got to do another Stephen Wright record, and just all I got to do another Stephen Wright record and just all these tremendous comics each with their own really distinct styles. Was it why I look at every point to to pick these people like to you know like you're picking winners out of the gate you're you picked four winners and then you go on to pick Joraldo and Tosh and all these people. And is there any point that you were like, that it fell off or you like, I need to get out of this?

Why did you leave something like that? Or was it the tech, did you see the technology changing? Yeah. Yeah. I think it was a little bit of both. I think it was a little bit more of it because I did it 10 years, and I had accomplished kind of all I wanted to do at that point, wanted to try something different. So, but it was a good run.

I mean, 10 years is a long time, and the technology completely changed. Like the record industry is dead. Did you get out before this, or did you foresee that happening, and did that happen on your watch? Oh, I got out kind of just as it was crest day. I could see the writing on the wall

because you know, back if if I when I put it out and as he's on sorry record or Louis CK record in say 2008 or 2009 dates are all blending together now but around then those records I think sold a hundred to a hundred and fifty thousand copies each and today those artists who are two to three times as famous at least are having a really hard time selling eight to ten thousand copies and it's all streaming now and streaming pays fractions of a penny per play so it's not a viable economic model.

Serious is responsible for a lot of the royalties and was responsible for a lot of the royalties at Comedy Central, even before the channel. And that's a big part of the reason why I'm there now. So yeah, it's just the whole thing has changed. It's gone from transactional CD sales to digital. So you're looking at transactional physical CDs, DVDs, things like that. Two transitional digital, which is iTunes.

Now that is gone, and it's all streaming now, and streaming doesn't pay anything. So that's the real problem. The real crux of the matter, why everyone's scrambling and the record business is kind of dead. Now do you think that in, do you think serious could ever do, could you ever do what you did at Comedy Central at Serious?

Could Serious get behind a comic and put their album out on Serious satellite radio only? We do a lot. and put their album out on serious satellite radio only. We do a lot. We have deals with a lot of the labels to get an exclusive window on these albums, and we play them more. And I think comics who know their business know

that serious XM is the place that can break them in the audio world. Right, so we have a lot of those deals. and we don't necessarily want to be the label. We can let someone else be the label and handle all the business side. We just want to be a place where these artists know they can come and get heard and we can just be a great promotional revenue outlet. How big is comedy on Syriosh right now? It's big. It's huge.

Yeah, it's big. People love it. We have six channels and tons of people listen to it. Because it's great stuff. Because we have everything for every taste. Do you have a blue channel, like a dirtier channel? Rodog. Is Rodog that that's for the news?

That's for you, Eric. Right. No, it's true. Listen, gentlemen, Robert Kelley on Rodog. Serious, exactly. I noticed I've been playing Morris, and you've taken over. You know what's on your bread's butter, no? Well, I love when people seem to get out of something before it goes bad and get into the next version of it.

You know what I mean? Because it would be a sad shitty story to me that if you got... You actually went from comedy albums to making comedy hours to making specials. And then now specials seem to be almost where wreckage are. Like they're kind of. It's tough. Yeah. It's not.

They're expensive to make and they're a few outlets for them. And there's a million people who have specials. Yeah. Like anybody can make a special with a fucking iPhone, put it out there. And it's there. And people don't know if you see a bunch of bad specials, how are you going to get to the good ones?

And where do you go for the good? Comedy Central, if you're on a Comedy Central label, it was almost like being on a professional team. Right, right. I like to think that we were, because I didn't put out more than a dozen records a year. And even that was a lot, because we really wanted to focus on marketing.

Because it's one thing to produce a record and put it out there and distribute it. It's another thing to really market, because the value that we had was the marketing. Yeah. And getting it out there. So what was the question? Well, I'm just saying that it's,

it's, you've kind of transitioned, it seems at the right time. Like you got out of the album thing, went into the special thing, and now you're actually at the digital format. Is this plan, was that thought out, was that just by chance? Cold calculation, Bob.

No, I like to pretend I'm a genius, but I think it was just really what interested me at the time. One just to get out before it became a nine to five job. Right. Because it has to be interesting, especially in the arts, I feel like you have to be super, super, super passionate about something or you have to get out. Yeah. Because it shows in the work and you don't want to do a bad job for somebody.

So, yeah. But at the risk of sounding too corporate, I mean, serious like so, it was amazing. Just in the number of channels, and that it actually pays the artists, and we have such a variety of really well curated content. It seems like the place to be. Yeah, I mean, it is weird, because I've been through the whole thing. I actually did a record with you.

I did a special, what was record call, Bobby? Just a tip. Boom. What were the other names you were considering for it? I don't know. Didn't we have a bunch that you really told me to go fuck myself? I mean not even not even like a you're like yeah now. I had a bunch of fucking shit names for that. And I think- One of them was naked just socks? I think. Yeah naked just socks.

We actually shot hot. If you look at the back of my, this is the funny story. Is that my, I really raped you. What I came to- Oh boy. Oh boy. Well, because here's, okay. You demanded that we shoot, that we include a documentary as a DVD extra because I wanted to be different

Did everybody else I hear I want I had a creative I had this this This mindset of like let me I understand what this is this will be a great documentary and I will shoot it and you paid for it. Oh, did we ever? I got the worst guy. I just, instead of hiring you, or crew, but you were like, I got the guys. I was like, no, no, no, I got a guy. I remember that. And I hired this fucking guy. And look, I'm not going to, I don't want to trick, like I made the mistakes because I should have told this guy to fuck off at a lot of points, but, you know, it was basically

going to be the mate, it was the, this is my thing. The DVD of the Making of a CD, which nobody's seen. Entertainment, ladies and gentlemen. Nobody seemed to get. I remember, but do you remember we have that crazy sexy editor to do it? Who? Is it salvage it? You're your wife.

Oh, oh, was that, does that do editing? Well, she saved us because the guy we got to edit it was running up a $10,000 bill. Oh my god, I remember we had to pay that. Do we have to haggle? We got to mediation or something like that. I think he bought, he literally bought a whole new setup. Oh, it was so expensive.

He didn't have any computers. I thought it was going to tank the label. He goes, I feel so bad. Oh, the bills just started to melt up. I remember that, oh, it's all just started to mount up. I remember that. Oh, it's all coming back to me. You know, like a bad dream. I remember this piece of shit was like,

I need a quad processor. And he gave you a bill. And I remember you were like, what the fuck is this? Cold sweats. Why did I saw that bill? Because I shot everything. And he had all the footage. He would not give us the footage. And the footage was here.

And today, he's Rupert Murdoch. Yeah, right. I remember. I shot, he fell me from New York to Boston. Oh, God. He charges for all his travel, too, didn't he? He charged you for everything. Oh, everything.

And I remember we did a bunch, we did an interview with Norton, we did an interview with Colin. We did all these interviews. That interview with Colin was great. I think there was Colin at one point was chasing you down his hallway with an axe. You know, what happened was,

is that me and Colin always fight physically. We physically wind up getting into it We fought in Japan. Yeah, yeah, we were in those but that era though was really when you were getting serious about like that I was getting concerned that the fighting was getting no it was because quite he was chasing you with hostile intent He felt my rib down the hallway with an act no, no hatchet. No, he was chasing me around as a part more of the hatchet He broke my rib down the hallway with an act. Like a hatchet. No, he was chasing me around as a part more of the hatchet. He broke my rib. He pushed me into a chair.

Oh, on the sidewalk, right? No, he pushed me into a chair in his apartment. Broke my rib, then I took a cup of water and threw it in his face. And then I threw a whole, he asked me if I wanted a pistachio nut, and I went to grab them and I smashed them out of his hand. Then he went and got a hatchet.

Right. But it was again. By the way. Then he went and got a hatchet. But it was again. By the way, what is he doing with a hatchet? He loves antique knives and hatchets. So he chased me around as part of the hatchet. And then I ran down the hallway in his high rise. And I hit any, I remember I looked. I think some of that was called a film.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you're listening to this, you can buy this on just the tip the Robert Kelly documentary on DVD I was still trying to pay it off. So please go buy it. Please buy two copies. Help out via com We went the share price is sagging We We came down the hall with head gear on and boxing gloves. That's right and he ran down the hall the hall with head gear on and boxing gloves. That's right. And he ran down the hall, punched me in the face, and then kicked me in the stomach. And it was just like a movie you're hitting the down button. It was over and over and over again. In the hopes that it would be a movie that would come. Here comes Colin and for some reason head gear and boxing gloves.

But we filmed this whole thing. And then at the point where we got to my show, it cuts off, and it goes, go buy this, the DVD, the audio. Doesn't it? Yeah, because it was the DVD of the making of an audio CD. Was the entertainment ladies in just a little bit. So Colin goes, what the fuck is this? In the thing, it goes, I go to the CD, it's the DVD of the making of a CD, he goes, that is fuck is this? In the thing, he goes, I go to the CD, it's the DVD of the making of a CD,

he goes, that is the fucking dumbest thing. He's like, everybody. But it only cost $100,000. But anyway, let's not talk about your fails, let's talk about your success. Oh. So, so, oh, it just makes me hurt and scared now. So, oh, it just makes me hurt and scared now.

But anyways, we've done a lot. And that's the difference, because the difference is instead of being able to charge 1298 for a CD, we could charge 1598 for a CD DVD combo. That was the difference. But that was actually a great, that was probably one of my, I mean, people have always told me that that's my funniest CD. Yeah, it's a great record. They love that record.

That's a great record. The recording was fucking outrageous. Yeah. And we had to record it twice if I remember correctly, right? We recorded it in Miami. Right. And it sucked. Right. Then we did it We recorded it in Miami, and it sucked. Then we did it in Boston, and we got it.

It was a fucking home run. Yeah, that shows it was sold out. People were crazy. It sold out. 400 people, two shows recorded it, and it was fucking, you got your guys to record it. Thank God, it wasn't my guy. It got 30 million. But, well But listen, man, I mean, most of the time I do these one-on-ones with people who are

comics, and it's that side of the business, but people don't understand there's a lot of people behind the scenes making us available to the public. Without being available to the public, we're done with just these underground whatever comics, that CD being on the Comedy Central label, being available in stores, being available for digital download, all those things put me in the public eye to, you know, get me available and it

put me out there like all these other guys that you did. You were a huge part of comedy in the 2000s. I mean in comedy boom, comedy central and that record label was instrumental and to think it's a guy who on lies and desperation. Oh, just pure deception. Thank you, Holly Lim, if you're out there. Deceptions actually made that happen and that's fucking epic. Thanks, man. It was a fun ride. It was a fun ride.

And that, but you're still on it. Yeah, you're still on it. Yeah, and I still on it. Yeah, and I love comedy. I want comics to be successful because there's so much talent. There's so much good stuff out there. Right. There's comedy is a great medium.

It makes people happy. And if you can make the comics famous and make people happy, what better, what better out? Yeah, if you can fucking make enough money to write the boat. Oh, yeah. You should see this boat. That I kind of maybe destroyed a little bit but back and too hard into the dock in our last day. Yeah. The apparently all the all the dishes fell off the shelves. Yeah. They thought we were gonna die down the

galley. Well you had you have a thing that when the guy said just go slow. Go slow. But you have a thing that when it's when you're in danger you go fast. You almost ripped me off the dock. I was holding on to the rope. Well that was intentional. I'm holding on to the rope and all of a sudden here is and I had to let go of the rope and then I screamed your name and you looked at me. You like what? I don't know Jack. There was a time when you were standing with no hands on the side of the boat and just a light Push with two fingers on the forehead would have sent you off and if you had one funny bone in your body I know I know this is why I'm industry. That's why you're on that side. I would have been in the water. All right Jack. Well listen

if you Listen to raw dog or any of the comedy stations this is one of the new guys who's making the changes over there, making it for the better for comedians and putting a lot more comics on there. And the shows you're putting on too, I mean, you get all these great shows that are coming on the network that are coming on serious.

And it's funny too. I was telling my wife I told Jack when he gave me a show and I go, Jack went, when you give me something that's good and I was like, too shy. That's a valid fucking point. It just mean too, I regret saying that. Well, me saying it, it means funny.

I mean, it did hurt a little bit and I have a son. But I just say it in front of him. I listen, man. If you have 70 Giggle in the background, this is Ian that has been sitting there very patiently quietly, who's on a whole other side of the industry for actors and some comedians who's an agent to get hold of the thing. If I come to LA, I would like to actually interview you on being an agent.

I'm sure it won't be as nice. Agents have different stories about talent. They're not Guatemala stories. Yeah, there's a lot of them. No, he's a... Different stories. He's a... He's a whole another story.

But it's a whole crew of guys that you work with that... The one thing that I learned about you, and I'll say this real quick before you wrap up, is that I've learned through you and Brian Vokewise and Ian and people that I know you can never judge a book by its cover. You can't look at somebody and assume what they are because most people surprise you with how much, just how fucking amazing their lives are and how much they know and where they go. I would have never put you, all the crazy things you do and all the places you go

and the fearless stuff that you've done, just outside of the comedy world, which I think is where comedy comes from. I think where creativity comes from is that if you can go to other countries and meet other people and travel the world and do things that you're afraid of that are a little scary or whatever the fight.

But also get other people to do it too. Like get me to go to a fucking island with a man, baby, adult head boy. We have to go back. In a Miss Musa-Gottie. You know what I mean? That has made me a fucking, I always tell people do it. If you're afraid of tell people do it.

If you're afraid of it, do it. Just go. I was scared of this boat trip, to be honest with you. And you're like, yeah, we're going to drive a boat. We're all going to drive it. I'm like, fuck me. And how do we going to drive a fucking boat? It was pretty scary the first day.

I was going to say, dude, it was pretty much fine. We're going through locks. We've been traveling the canals for years. They gave us a three and a half minute demonstration on how to steer the boat, and they basically did everything. They were like, have at it. Here's how you deal the locks. Here's some phone numbers for the lock keeper.

Yeah, what? Yeah, like you assume that we got the data plan that we can make phone calls. Yeah. Then we give us a walkie-talkie. There were a lot of assumptions that they made that they absolutely should not have. Like, what if we didn't have a phone?

What if we didn't pay the $10 for data fees? They let us lose with a 14 ton boat with almost no instruction. And they also. And a 250-year-old deposit. And yet it worked for them. They returned the boat. Yeah, I guess.

Fairly. Yeah. When a guy with a few teeth goes, here's the keys. I'm like, all right. I have at it. All right, well listen, Jack Von. Thanks so much for having me on, Bobby. Dude, thank you so much.

Make sure you listen to serious satellite radio, raw dog. Or all the comedy channels. Or all the comedy channels. And yeah, you're the best, buddy. You're the best, man. Thanks for having me. Thanks for stopping. All right, I'm better. I'm good. Yeah. and comedy channels and yeah you're the best buddy thanks for your best thanks for helping all right I'm better I'm good yeah I'll talk to you later that's a 101 you know what dude with the great jack fawn see you everybody to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs.

Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Shard. Shard. Shard. I'm gonna die!