Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - One on One with Nick Di Paolo

Episode Date: May 27, 2017

Robert sits down with the great Nick Di Paolo in New Orleans, LA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com. Welcome to the You Know What Dude podcast. This is a special edition where Robert goes one on one with some of the most interesting people in the world. Or at least in his world. So sit back and relax, and enjoy. You know what, dude?

You know what, dude? I know what! The You Know What Dude podcast. One, on one. One, on one. Yo, yo, yo, yo, what's up? Yo, and before you know, I had my GAT pointed in the window. I went to the YKWD and what did I see? Nicky D.

Whoa! Hold on his pp. It's big. It's long. It's big, like a shlong. I put it on my shoulder and I said, Hey, Hey How calm. Oh shit check it out It's awful. That was tremendous. Why KWD one-on-one in New Orleans

I'm down here with a special guest. Yes, I can say special guests Nick the Paulo last time I said special guests. Nick Depalo. Last time I said special guests, it was a... Craig Rogel. No. That's my go-to. Craig Rogel's your go-to. Every time.

I just like the name. Nothing against Greg. He's a funny name. It's a great name. Nick Depalo. One of the number one shows a riot cast for many years. One of the face of riotcasts. I mean, he's been on radio for fucking 15 years, television film, and on top of all that, he's one of the funniest motherfuckers going right now. And probably for the last 15 years years one of the funniest motherfuckers.

I don't know Bobby that's not for me to say but I just said it. There's a guy named Modi out there who's been breathing down my neck for the last 10 years. This guy is one funny Jew bastard. He really is. He's fucking, he's taking those mochugalas. What do they call him? Mochugalas. He's a manch. He's a manch. He's a those Mochugalas, what do they call? Mochugalas. He's a match.

He's a match. He's a match and he has a wench. It's kind of unusual. Not about a wench. So dude, we're here in New Orleans. Me and you're doing another show. We've done a bunch of these shows together. These kids sing a bunch.

We've done a couple here, no? Yeah, like three. And I gotta be honest be honest Bobby out of all the guy you know when it's a co-headline and show the last guy I want to follow is you I gotta be honest well I mean you're you shake the goddamn rafters that comics come home thing like this guy is a fucking arena act yeah well you fucking murdered dude yeah well tell the fucking people to show up at a comedy club and maybe somebody I'll work myself to I can't even fill a fucking Albany room. Oh please it's a matter of time. You put out that you put out that book you're writing and then that pamphlet and it's funny.

You know I just there is I mean look let's just I want to get this out of top. First of all congratulations you have your own show Coming out on a serious satellite radio channel 103. Yeah May 15th, which is now called the fraction No, faction yeah, the fraction fraction. Yeah, it's one eighth of the fun. You're gonna have on my podcast It's uh, you'll still be doing your podcast or right. Yes Uh, taken from your show on serious satellite radio. Yeah, that's exactly right. So connectpal.com slash Nick, you can still get the podcast. You get the podcast, you get the, you get the right cast.

And you know, if you're already signed up serious satellite radio, you'll get, you, how many days a week? It's going to be four to five. Four to five days a week from six to nine. Six to eight PM Eastern. That's evening folks six PM to eight PM Eastern time And that starts when May 15th, which is two weeks away. Yeah, it's like 10 days away. 10 days away. You start your own Yeah, wish I know what was it about? You don't know you have no idea. We know I do Of course gonna be it's gonna be basically your podcast It's gonna be like my podcast probably a little it's gonna be longer, which is a good thing Yeah, cuz I you know I tell you I keep telling you I'm a fan of your podcast

You know believe me, but I do listen you dope because you actually recited some of the shit Yeah, I do I listen every week. It's one of my favorite podcasts and at the end of it. I'm like shit When you like all right, that's enough for you. I'm like, come on. It's nice to hear. Well, usually I get a round of applause. I go, we would done 10 minutes ago, and my mother was a fuck.

Well, it's, it's, you know, the one thing that people, especially comedians are forgetting with all this political shit that's going on, is they're forgetting to be funny. It's like, you can do, you tell me your opinion, tell me what you think, but I like that you'll always throw something in at the end, you'll always say something.

I have to. It's hard to, and I'm not a political fucking comedian, but Colin Quinn said it best to, you know, if I was telling a joke about McDonald's, you can tell how I voted. So, but with all this acrimony with Trump, and you know, I can't, I'm sorry, it's all I find interesting right now,

I, it's all I wanna talk about, and you're right, you gotta, you know, make it funny, otherwise you just get preachy, you have to be funny first. And, but, you know, I drop in the sound effects and shit, and it's sort of like, it's got a taste of stern and lino. It's the thing you're doing this by yourself in your house. And you get sound effects.

You get a sound board. Of course, you get your cave fear, the nero laugh. What's that laugh? A laugh, is it? Oh, having the movie theater? Oh my god. Probably driving people nuts with it. It's got its own

thing. You've created your own thing over the last couple years because the last time we were on radio with Arty, which was a big show. Yes. And then you, whatever the fuck happened with that, what? You went back to basics. Yeah. Well, you guys showed me. I mean, you thank Gov. Riotcast, Rob Sprance, and you guys showed me how to set up the equipment and I wrote it all down. And the first couple I did, I was like, I don't know if I like this. I was actually nervous in my own basement. You know, and I've done radio, I've done terrestrial

and I was like, I don't know if I like this. And then all of a sudden, after about a month, it clicked, it was sort of like doing standup. It was a release for me. And I went downstairs. I started to look forward to it. And then that's when I said, you know, I'm gonna give these people more shows

if they like it and I'm liking it. Yeah. And it's been good to me. And really, I think that's how I got the serious show. Yeah. Well, thank you and Sprats. I gotta tell you that much. Well, it's a's it's a I

like to hear it because it's You're a radio guy. I've seen you on radio. I've heard you're ready. I've been on your radio show. You're fast You I love radio you love well read on what's going on and you know You're always writing jokes, but you're always funny. And your podcast is always that fun. Even it's always comedy first. Sometimes it's right at the end. When you're like, what the fuck?

And then you go, you zip ahead. And they, Yeah, you're throwing shit that you get arrested for on the restaurant right now. Yeah, and how do you think you're gonna, how do you think this is, I mean, this is, I mean, serious, you can say whatever you want, but they still fire people.

I don't know. I don't know. I'm gonna have to find that balance but I don't think they're hiring me to be a shrinking violet, you know. I did a week of shows over there back in October right before the election and they fucking loved it apparently, you know,

because this came about so. But no, that's actually a good question. I don't know. I mean, I'm gonna hold back. Are you nervous? I don't know. I don't plan to hold it back. You get the fuck. I really don't at this stage. I'm selling coke. They're on the day. I get plenty of money coming

Do you have coal? Oh God. Yes, these kids eat it up in Westchester They really do No, I keep using that line people I got enough of that. I don't know Bobby I don't want to hold back. I really want to let it fucking fly You know, but here's the, are you nervous because of the climate and have people have been fired? People have been, you know, is the deal, you know, is this have potential to become holy shit?

Because we all know, look, the radio landscape and serious has changed a lot. It's going to change even more over the next few years once Stern leaves. Yeah. I mean, are you looking into this as something? I want to do this long term, yeah. But I still have to be funny and say what I want to say.

And it is satellite. I mean, I got to believe they're going to let me, you know, within reason. I'm not, you know, fuck, I, we'll find out. Like I said, I'll find out what that is, where that line is, or whatever. But, you know, they sort of need somebody. And are you going to have? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, because it's just me. It's no psychic. It's me and the fucking collars, you know. Right. So yeah, I got to have a gay at least one, you know? I would, you know. Who is a fucking pain in the ass?

I don't like kids. I'm like a hog. I mean, I don't... I have people come on my show, my podcast once a week. And, you know, I book more than one because someone's always canceling. Someone's always laid, you know, and then when someone gets you, it's almost like when they get used to it, it's like they don't give a fuck about it anymore.

I mean, you're gonna have somebody booking that, you're not gonna book it. You don't have to worry about it. But you're just gonna show up one day in this, I mean, three, four, five days a week, that's a lot of people. Well, yeah, that's a good point. I didn't even think of it like that. So, and probably, again, it's two hours show, I thought, you know, I'd have a guest an hour,

but then that would be 10 people a week, fuck that. And it's not a goofy morning show. It's not a goofy zoo show. No. No. You're funny, but, you know, it's pointing. It's not gonna be like, you know, right? I mean, just like a regular radio show, you're going to have, yeah, no.

A point of view about what the fuck you're talking about. Oh, yeah. Show up like your podcast. I lean right in my politics, and they don't have any of that over at Sirius, not that I know of. They need it. And I think, oh, that's what I'm saying. I think, and that's, and again, I'm not fucking, you know,

I'm more of a libertarian, new or in show business, they wanna call me conservative and shit, you know, me, I don't give a, you know. So it's not as- Dave Smith, libertarians. Dave Smith, libertarian. Yeah, so whatever, I lean right, you know, so that'll be a little refreshing, I would think.

I mean, Trump did get fucking elected. So, you know, we'll see. It's it's somebody said that today I forget on Twitter that nobody nobody says anything good about Trump oh good whole world's against I mean you never hear anything it's all it's all just bad yeah and it's even the people that voted for them. There's only, there's not that many voices out there because everybody's scared to a net to say, oh, I'm for Trump, because you get attacked. Especially in show business. Especially in our business. Yeah, you get fucking attacked and people say, I mean, immediately call you a piece of shit. Yeah, well, I'm gonna call him a piece of shit back.

Right. That's my fucking take. Right. And even like the fucking right, the head of the screen act is gilded. Remember a couple months ago he came out and he goes after the Oscars. Remember people were afraid to perform?

Yeah. Was it the Oscar? No, what was it? Oh, is it, no, is it an inauguration? What am I saying? Jesus, I'm gonna be fucking tonight. I took head, VLPM, I wiped my memory off. But nobody in show business wanted to perform it as an inauguration because they were gonna get blackball. And the fucking head of the screen act is guilty. Somebody like that. One of the guys

in that head of the union said, we're gonna watch the the credits roll at the end and see who actually was like threatening to blackball people. You know, well, I don't know. Yeah, that's called fucking fascist. I don't remember that happening with Obama. Of course not. When he, I voted for Obama twice.

And I don't remember anybody, I know that there is this right wing. Yeah, I mean, left. There's right wing people, you know, far right who, you know, I mean, left, there's right wing people, far right who really thought, oh, he's a Muslim, he's this, he's that, whatever. And boy, were they right? Most Republicans were, okay, we lost, let's move on. Of course, but that's not exactly right.

Those are the adults, okay, my opinion, I think it's too heavy here, we'll talk. But the adults are on the right side of the aisle and the fucking children, they're kicking and screaming, they can't, and this whole fucking storyline about him, and Putin got elected as such fucking whos shit. This is, it's just, they're furious. They thought it was gonna be handed to him.

They're entitled on the left. They're entitled, that seems to be their attitude. and their behavior is just fucking embarrassing for the last few months They really is this and oh my god like children. I mean there there and Finally didn't Bernie just speak out about like the yeah, Bernie Bill mar even Obama Even Obama said you're talking about what goes on a Berkeley and college campuses. Yeah. You know, and shutting down speech. That's the one thing Trump got to, and I didn't even vote for Trump in the primaries. I'm not, so I don't think I'm like, hit a, but, but, but, even Obama, Bernie Sanders, Farlet, Bill Marr, even, you know, they said, come on, college campuses, really, you're

that afraid of conservative speakers, you know, shutting down free speech. It's a definition of fascist They're beating people up. Yeah, no they resort to violence. They're hurting women Not you fucking heard a woman. Well, that's what fucking left far left guys do that's it's far left And to find out that their Their professors it's colleges. Oh, they're the worst find out're the fucking words. Teachers are putting on real hood. They look like ISIS. I know. They look like fuck. Well, they do the same thing as ISIS. They're tearing down statues of, you know, like Woodrow

Wilson at Princeton or whatever college he went to. They're tearing down statues of old white men that help, you know, build a country because they were raised. That's what ISIS does. They blow up statues when they invade. Yeah, well, that's called fucking fascism. But anyways, but whatever, if that comes up there on the show fine, but I got to talk about all kinds of shit. It's more culture. It's more stuff like that. Shit goes on a college campus, I'll call people out on it. I'm not gonna get into, oh, healthcare pastor in the house today. I mean, that shit makes my meaglays over.

So it'll be fun. It'll be fun. We'll talk sports and have retirement strippers and not whatever. Whatever's going on, I don't want it to be too political, but it's gonna be, it's just, like I said,

I think it's why they brought me on because they like what I did before the election too political, but it's going to be, like I said, I think it's why they brought me on because they like what I did before the election. But you got to be funny like you said first. And you're funny too. Now you're, you still up in West, Chef sir. Are you ever leaving? That's a good question. Probably not because I figured North Korea is going gonna hit New York City for the nice one.

A few years. You really? No. Oh, Champ Howard from North Korea. He had to kill his fucking Barbara. That's who we should start. I don't know. We said a lot of his missiles in the parade were fake.

A lot of the weapons were fake. A lot of the actual guards, uniforms. All of it was fake. Propaganda to make it look like they have all the stuff the Russians did it back in the day in the cold war yeah and then every night that they launched somehow just fucking well we we see a Japan yeah we well we you know we hack into the systems I think it diffused those missiles yeah so I don't know it's a good point Bob you know but'm done with the skateboard and the fucking goofy hats in a room somewhere going. No, you don't Exactly, right? It's probably some full-hundred-pound guy laying in his bed as Trump said during the election

You don't know we don't know I hope we don't I hope we do I hope we do I hope we don't because I love the show mash. I mean that would come you want to you want to bring that back I'm gonna raise a few people so we can have a nice Oh, you want to bring that back? Zach, I've raised a few people. So we can have a nice show. Nice fuck. Sick, come about a war. Last 10,000 Americans yesterday. But you know what?

ABC just picked up mash too. I hope you're happy, Bobby Kelly. Jane Cook's point. I think you should do it. I know I'll play Jamie Farzerall. Fucking dressed up. I kind of. How was the first trend, transgender, or cross-stress.

Yeah, now looking back on it, yeah. It wasn't really transgender, you know, you look like. Yeah, exactly. That good point actually. I loved that show. At first I didn't like it. I was like, where are the left? Because they didn't really have like a laughter.

And I was like, it's serious and then, but then I fucking loved it. And when I went up to school at Maine, oh my God, at seven o'clock they would run an hour of it, you know, on the local station up there, the campus would shut down. You could hear a mashed thing coming out of every dorm. What was the theme again? Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Well, the name of the song is Suicide is painless or something like that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, what you'll be the name of my new show, folks. Suicide is pain. And remember the helicopter with the...

The pencil you do it. Try to hang yourself, you know, and it doesn't go away. It's not painless. You're hanging from a Chandler in your bedroom with a shit in your pants, spinning around your friends a laugh and out here. You're a Chandler in your booty with prints? I fucking did Liberace's director for a few years. So now, how is this going to affect your comedy, though?

Are you going to? It's not. Hopefully it'll put some asses in the seat. Some of them female. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I have a big male following. I don't know. We'll see you tonight, Bobby.

We got a big gig tonight. I'm actually fucking a little, I have a little anxiety about it Yeah, you shouldn't you always hear that I know I get the same thing. I do You know where he years I've gotten anxiety on every single gig the first night Actually the first Friday and then all of a sudden once I get out there. I go. Oh, I forgot First night. I'm funny Second of all, I know what I'm doing. I've been doing it for 20 years Third of all even if there's that fucking twat in the front row

It's never as bad as I thought Isn't so you do it either you build it up in your head I build it up in my head and I fucking I take away my self esteem I take away all my confidence. I do the way everything I've learned and worked for for 20 years. Right. And I become some silly bitch that's sitting there going fuck this and then I get angry. I'm not me. I walk the fucking and I'm I'm I'm testy and and then all of a sudden I'll do the show and be like that was awesome. Yeah, that's such great time. I know. God. I'm a fucking pro at this. Awesome. Yeah, that's such a great time. Oh my God, I'm a fucking pro at this. This is what we do.

Well, but this is my only problem tonight is like, and he has a thing, you probably still work every night which I don't. I don't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Miles Davis? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Do jazz, first of all jazz and comedy are very similar. Yes, they are, but I just, I don't like jazz. It sounds like the whole band has to take a piss. It's too upbeat.

I just cut in. It's too upbeat for me. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go I just got into jazz. You get into jazz hands a few years ago. Let's be honest. I've been in jazz hands for a long time. I'm into jazz, not jazz. Good evening, folks. The, yeah, Jim's cervical. You just looked at your arm. Yeah, because I got that fucking mesh.

Bobby, we both have some type of scabies. I went to a doctor. It's been reoccurring on my right bicep. And I want the doctors yesterday. Had a biopsy because I'm like, I thought it was just ringworm or something. So, but it keeps recurring even when I put shit on it. So it's more serious and I'm looking at Bobby while we're having lunch, but an hour ago and he's got the same shit on his right.

And you said you just got it down here. I feel like I got it off of this pillow. I mean, not off the pill, the arm rest of this couch. I you fucking, oh my God, I was the same way I was sitting there like this I get nervous in hotels now. I was at a very high-class hotel and I got a rash on my stomach because of the sheets Yeah, the motel six and denim so the head denim so I you know, it's like I had a cream on it You never know because the fucking dirt. Yeah, but Billy, I mean, Billy, I just called you Billy. It's all right.

Don't worry about that. I'm gonna fuck you. Bobby put cream on his rash, but it was a cool whip. Hello, anybody? Yeah, I put, I get the screen, put it on it one way, but you know, dirty made, who touches a clean sheet. I don't know. You blaming the maids?

I, well, somebody fucking did it. It wasn't me. I came on from Atlanta six seven years ago and I had I had it was on my arm a little and my crop my crotch. Yeah, I had like bubbles Bubbles isn't that fucking grout like I'm disgusting a painful thank. I got some maybe biotic. What was your name? No, that's the thing. That's the thing. I didn't fucking do a thing. I'm like, I might as well fuck around. I'm gonna come home all blistered.

With bubbles. Yeah. I showed her the minute I got in the door. I go, don't think this is from my, you know, any fucking, I don't know. You didn't go get a checkup. I did. The guy gave me pills.

And it went away. It was some type of fucking bacteria something really yeah, and I remember it was I was dead It was at the punchline in Atlanta one of the I think I'm gonna And I made him put me up in a fucking different place, you know the next time. Yeah, you know these hotels They're nice, but you don't know this couch. They can't what are they was this couch every time? No exactly fat fucking Exactly want a fucking sweet off a radio show gig? Somebody from a country where they haven't even cured, you know, fucking gum disease. And it could be fucking poison every two,

because I was in the back. I was in the back. So it might be poison. All right, that's not blaming anybody. What the fuck was I saying? But anyways, I do get anxiety, man. And I shouldn't have anxiety at this point of the game. It's a useless emotion Well, you're part of the problem this week for me. I don't want to go on after you

I don't want to go after you you fucking nuts. I don't work at the frantic pace I used to I'm very easy to fall. I just saw you first I just saw you special that's on C. So right now if If you haven't seen it. If you haven't seen it. I love that you watch it. It's a typical fucking Boston comic where he's not feeling special. He taps on the gas. The second he gets out there until the second you watch it.

There's no meandering. There's no knife. No fucking jokes. Bobby, it's funny to say that because I didn't work at a Boston pace. I was, and here's why I watch this. Yeah. And I go, why am I working way slower?

And it fucking dawned on me. I was playing with Zoloft for like a month and a half. Why? Because I was getting really quiet and dark and not talking to anybody, my wife or anybody. Really? How was it? Yeah.

And not sleeping and fucking crazy mood swings in the typical anger that's all but when you hit, I'm in my fucking 50s. It's all kinds of shit that goes on. Yeah, yeah. Homemonally or whatever. So I would play with Zoll. Even I could tell I was getting a little too not wanting to leave the house or talk to anybody.

And it slowed me down. I watched the special now. The pacing is not mine. I can tell. I was fishing for thoughts here and there as opposed to really hammering it out. It worked. I'm, you know, because sometimes the crowd likes it a little slower. But that is not the pace, the Boston pace that you and I, I watched it. I thought it was fucking insane. And I just saw you at the fucking village underground. Well, that was fucking insane. And I just saw you at the the fucking village underground. Well, that was fucking great. 15 minutes. Jesus Christ. That was my fernal wigs pick. That's my no chunk that I'm working on.

And it's all I have tonight. I'm going. I do do what I do. I'm going through a roll of decks of, you know, kind of I don't have family friendly, but my cleanership for this gig. And I don't know why. I don't know what they're expecting from us. Frosty, book to Synthesys, I never knew it was jazz fast down here. I don't think we, I'm not doing that. I thought you said you were. I was thinking about what I was thinking. You just gonna be you? I'm gonna do me.

There's a couple jokes that I am gonna refrain from doing a couple of new jokes. Because a lot, I got a lot of, the first half hour, there's a lot of stuff in there. That I, I, I wanna do them, I might eliminate anyways out of the hour because it's just too much. I wanna do it in our piece. No, not at all.

But I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna go up and do, I'm gonna put a 35, 45 minutes set together, and that's it, and I'm out. I'm, I'm right at the boom, I'm out. We do another show, boom, I'm gonna put a 35-45 minutes set together and that's it and I'm out right at the boom I'm out we do another show boom I'm out this isn't about me headlining. So you're all right We're deciding how long with the one. Well, whatever the fuck they tell us to do you still doing 35 There's nothing better when if she comes up and says a half hour each. Oh, I know. Oh, I know I will fuck I was at a casino. I don't want to follow you doing a half. Oh, I Was at a casino in somewhere and they were like, oh, you do he's gonna do 10 you yielded 20 you do a half or so

I was like, yep, I don't have that ego anymore. No, I gotta do fucking. I'm a I even on the road I've I've I've loosened out a little I I go up this and I'm not going to do a full hour and I lately the last copy is it's always an hour an hour and five minutes and not on purpose. I'm I don't I'm trying to go trying to get shit done because I don't work in the city every night and I'm trying to get new shit done and I end up throwing that into middle of the set and next thing I know I'm at an hour and it's too much it's I heard Tom Papa say it I've been saying a V is myself it's too much. I heard Tom Papa say it. I've been saying it via myself. It's too much.

It's way even the specials. It's too much. It really is. 45 is a good number, actually. Don't you think so? It was one and a half. These comedy clubs, yeah. Well, it's an hour and a half.

Yeah, and Casinos aren't always like that though. So you do 10 minutes for the MC. Right. Knock us down. 20 minutes to fucking. So what I do is I'll give the middle guy 25. Yeah, that's what I do is I'll give the the middle guy 25 Yeah, that's what I though I'll do 55 555 and usually the clubs cool at that. Yeah, I always want to do it in an hour two

Yeah, I was an acme. I did an hour 17 Well that place you always go long as the the lap it everything is too much. Yeah, it is too much Absolutely, I listen to my tapes. I go, it's fucking too much. Yeah, but it's, I don't know. I say 25 apiece for everybody. How do you feel about the three for the MC, eight for the middle, and I'll do 25? How do you feel about the MC in the middle,

what times do you give them on the road? I say, at the most, I say, between the two, no more than 35 minutes. So 10 and 25 now in a club Have you been to a club with a like are he's gonna do 30 he's gonna do 20? No lately. They go I love it. They go When I show up I might maybe it's in my rider they said we're gonna have the him do 10 in the middle to 20 That's what I've been getting a lot. I go that's perfect. Yeah, that's more. That's enough I think finally they're catching on with the agent we're with.

Oh, they're finally. Yeah. Saying this is the deal. Well, maybe they're reading the writers finally. It really is that the the old axiom less is more especially in standup. Yeah, you know, yeah, this whole hour and a half thing. No, but not oh, that's those are my feet folks. I've been banging my shit.

For God, I was fucking way to go to the dentist office. I'm nothing else. That's those are my feet folks. I've been banging my shoes. For God, I was fucking waiting to go to the dentist office. Yeah, how do you feel about the, when you show up at a club and they don't have the right photo? Does that bother you? Oh, Jesus Christ. They grabbed this. They keep grabbing the same ones.

I finally went out last year and you know spent the Nice chunk of money on headshots and shit. Yeah, you know, and I put them on my website on the bio page So they can download their high res But you know what they do. Yeah, they go on the internet and they grab the first thing they see from 1994 Yeah, whatever that person who does that. Oh, this is a good one. They'll see them all But I like this one the best. He's thin in this one. Yeah, or he's has hair in this. It's like, yeah, but that's 20 years ago you fucking ass hole. They always grab one of me. This one where I fuck doesn't and you spend thousands on me. Well, that's what I said. So I started. I started, you know, literally getting involved myself, God forbid, in texting the club when I see something come up in Twitter

and go and guys, go to my website. I just spent the fucking a grand on pictures. They're all high res. I'm trying to get these flushes out of the rotation, these old ones. And I say the same thing, but they still make you feel like you're being a fucking prima donna. Well, fuck them.

But it really, it really sometimes, it's like, you, you know, you cock suckers. How dare you make me feel like I'm the one who fucks. No, because people are lazy, Bobby, including us, but I'm just saying. But yeah, no, exactly. I'm afraid to ask for anything. Look, back in the day, I used to, you know, maybe I deserved some of that. But people would not have me back to a club because I wasn't sociable. Really?

Yeah. Rich Milley used to go, the guy said, you know, you wouldn't go out after the show, as I go, is that my fucking job description? They said that you didn't talk to anybody. Yeah, I keep to myself. I'm not a fucking sociable guy. And they would hold that against me, my person. Did I get the job done? Obviously, I'm still doing comedy with the people left. You know, he was kind of difficult because I asked them to adjust the sound. Right in the middle of my set, they thought I was too loud, so they'd turn it down.

And I go, who the fuck? And of course, with my tone of voice probably didn't, it sounds a lot nicer in Italian. It's a good fellow's ripped. But yeah, they'd say, you know, you know whatever but yeah for a couple years I heard yeah they said you know you didn't talk to the wait staff for anything I go is that really part of my you know I look man I'm sociable I know you sometimes I don't talk to you and there's nothing if you're doing sound at a

comedy club if you're the sound guy your job is to turn it on and go the fuck away. Exactly. I'm like Bon Jovi. No, I know. I talked to the guy a couple of weeks ago where it's like, Hey, dude, are you going up and down? Yeah, because sometimes you get loud. I know. That's my job. Me too. I like it loud. You're fucking my timing up. They don't understand that they're fucking my timing. I know. Because I'm hearing me go saw now I'm not thinking about you know you're thinking about this now I'm talking different. My my tone is different. The boy because he is some fucking a sound booth. I know. You're like me. You like me. And then you

say something to the guy and he says to the manager who they are best friends and they drink and play fucking cornhole at some local pub every fucking Sunday Oh, he was a for you. Yeah. What about the comic man? What about taking care of us? What about fucking sticking up first? What about knowing your fucking job as a sound guy knowing your job as a GM Knowing your job as a would if you're a waitress how dare you walk in the front row standing straight up and talking to fucking regular voice con volotea la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de madrida Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea

Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com We didn't know how do you know who give me a sign? It's when I say shut the fuck up is bad. It's comedy 101 and I love how everybody thinks that they're the best and they're the shit. And it's like, look man. Well, the bottom line, the bottom line is, and this is how you know we get treated different as comedians have never got really respected, is there whether it was a letter him in you on after 18 minutes

of commercial in the last five minutes of the show you know they used to do that in the tenitio actually or but his his the his the topper that they hand the checks out what was still on stage that says it all to me about what they think about what we do for living what what other art form do they do that? You know, I have no idea none the answer is none and here's the deal too is that they don't need to do it I know that you and I came up through Boston. I always tell them this I go I developed my acting but my first copy is in Boston They didn't do that. They didn't do so it can be done So somebody called Boston and ask them how I saw those in a cheque spot

No, not to sell it. You know why they don't you know They know how to do it because they they you get a stamp receipt to leave It's all you got to do you can't leave unless you have a stamp receipt or your parties with you Well, we need to you don't need to do anything is have a just just I mean ah You know look man, and it's funny because you there's clubs that I had I never realized it but I haven't been at back At certain clubs and it's probably because I didn't hang out. I don't I've been sober for 30 years I'm sorry. I'm not gonna throw that away

To get people to drink more at your fucking show and to hang out Until the fucking three in the morning getting fucking plastered with everybody. I've been sober for 30 years. I care more about my fucking life because you don't want me drunk. Because if I get drunk, I'll fucking stab somebody. And it's like, that's crazy. And if it's the sound and the fucking,

I mean, there's certain things that every comic, I know there's some guys roll into clubs though. This is what they really love. There's when a guy comes to a club and he's just fucking drinks and parties and doesn't give a fuck if people scream out and yell and we'll roll, ah, fucking, do you hear that? And does a bunch of videos and fucking, ah, fucking.

And then who cares? And fucking, the party's with everybody. They get your face and they love that, because that's the culture, that's what they're into. And, but God forbid you have a fucking, you know, you roll in, but I tell you what, nullifies all that, if you sell out every fucking show. I wouldn't know.

I am not here on the, I have a few places, but the guys who sell out shows, right? Then you have whatever you can get sneakers. Right? Eddie Griffin. Yeah. No, people don't know this. Eddie Griffin would have, when his contract would have to get a pair of white,

Air Force ones. He'd make the club go and get him, but that's just a black guy going to my turn. Whitey, go do this when they do that. Before every show? That's all. That's him just fucking taking advantage of the you know the world we live in today. But it's him going fuck you. I'm selling out. Go get me some sneakers. Yeah I think it's more racial than that. Well, if I listen I would do it. I just do it with gum or technology. Get me a zoom age six every fucking fuck. It's it is weird though. You have to, you know, you have to kind of not be you have to be very weary of how you ask for things at these clubs now. Because being liked by everybody, I

guess does matter who works there. I don't know. They still have me back, but, and I'm much better now. I am mellowed with age, you know, I am much more cordial probably with the staff and stuff, you know what I mean? You're mellowed with age, they weigh you down, but the same shit bothers me, bothers you. I'm on stage, I'm not even on stage five minutes, and the whole weight staff is like three out of the five at the front tables. Like you said,

standing straight up, taking train. I put that in my right a recently. Can you give me 10 minutes before you or even eight minutes? I know they get a job to do too. I understand that. But but but but like I'm not even up there five minutes. I came to get acclimated. And sometimes you're on a low stage And then like you said this standing straight up This people literally looking around them to see Again, this could all this this would all be all these complaints will be gone if I was on a theater every night With the right away, which is on me career wise But but I do you know do a few theaters a year to get that taste of it's like all this is nice

This is what this is beautiful this is what it's meant to be one show one show no way it isn't way just no no nothing everybody has a drink they pay to see you you pay to see you and you're fucking and you hanging out with Mickey and the You know what else I'm trying to put in my contract is that Bread No, no more bread. I'm a bread. You know that Social media because I'm always getting a call. Hey, can you do this? Can you do that? Not now marketing your club? Yeah, but wait a minute. I'll go but I'll go key Yeah, and then I go to the Twitter and I go to the Facebook and I go to the Instagram. Yeah, they're plugging

One of their favorites that's coming to three weeks from now They're plugging somebody else Like I'm not even plugging you. It's like you haven't even you haven't even plugged me Why the fuck should I put on you? God? I didn't know that. I'm glad I don't even know enough I go and check I immediately go check out their Twitter and Facebook sometimes they're not even following me Sometimes I'm not even following I'm probably me either. It's like you're your plug. You're supposed to be you want me to plug you I can't even fucking you can't even see what I'm doing because you're not following me How do you know I'm not plugging the show? That's a very dangerous situation

That was Tony's a Prada was Anthony Cormier doing Tony's Do you know what I'm saying? So in my writer now I'm trying to put it in that they have to They have to it shouldn't be on us Shouldn't be on us. They have a mailing list for Christ sake. What did they used to do back in the day? Well, how about this Bobby? And again, this is turned into a wine fest and people are going, what are these guys? I know, we have fucking wine. I don't give a shit. Anyways, but you're making these are all legitimate points

and they're easily fixable. But oh, how about the meat and greet? The minute I get to a club now, they go, are you going to be meeting and greeting after the show? And I go, I don't know. I'll make that decision on how I feel when I come off the stage. And that was always, you get paid extra to do that. And people now just, you know what I mean?

Well, you know, I don't want to meet the crowd after. The clubs don't care if you do. They actually prefer you not to. No, they don't. Absolutely, most common times. What are you talking about? Common clubs, well, they, tell that to James in Long Island,

my buddy at the brokerage in the governors and they love you being shaken hands and then they put it out on social media well you shake your hands goodbye all that stuff but that's not talking about the governors i did the other one it's it's what is it eight minutes to shake hands on those clubs i don't know but either way i don't you know i'm not at like you know these other clubs around the act me almost give a fuck

Okay, I mean, I mean, I'm sure they like it the owner likes it. Well, it is it's marketing for them because those people the fans take pictures You put it on their social meeting. See I'm saying yeah, but when I say I'm not doing one of the managers the general manage the GM's Or is it cool? Okay? These people the fuck out and me standing there? I didn't know that. Well good, I'm never gonna do it. And I love my fans, don't get me wrong, but when did it become more? Frank Santa really said a year ago,

even before there was social media. He used to hate when comics had stitches, that's my first time I was at open. People would, comic would get down to the set and then they'd wait by the bar because they wanted that affection from the audience. Yeah, and Santa Reles to go It should be like him. It should be some a stake there. You should appear and then disappear I don't know if I agree with that. Oh, I do a thousand percent, but it's a new world

I I like it's a new world like Meeting fans after the show. I do I like sitting there shaking hands taking photos because it's the only thing I can do for them That you know after the show they want to and I you know, you know, what do you mean you just did it out for them You made him laugh or fucking on they came out they showed up my ticket price is pretty it's 25 bucks most of the time That's a lot of money for somebody plus whatever the food and I you know I ain't famous man I know I agree I still do I do it you guys just help me make bonus by coming out bringing two friends I have people that see me have always seen me two four five six seven times I got people driving from all over to

see me my fan I might not be selling out places but my fan base is real fucking loyal you too and so I'll see him again I don't mind I don't get mad if I so, but I'll see him again. I don't mind. I don't get mad if I don't come out of here. I don't mind doing that shit. I don't mind shaking hands and kissing, kissing baby. Yeah. I have half the audience who wants to fucking choke me. What?

That's, that's the one thing that's so. We all have different acts. Seriously, it's like, okay, fucking, you know, I don't want to mull around people who just fucking hated me. There's all, there's at least 20 people. I, I, whatever. I don't mind once Iull around people who just fucking hated me. There's at least 20 people. I don't mind what some out there doing it, but it takes energy for me. I'm not a sociable guy. It drains me in between shows to shake 100 hands. It'd be nice.

It fucking drains me. Sorry, we're all different. We all build differently. But I've been doing it. I'll be honest with you. I've been doing it a lot more now. You know what mean she do because I'm mellowing out my old age I and I actually like you know, I should offer a fucking small meet and greet to certain fans that you know buy tickets or that IP package

No, nope You're gonna take some fucking Zoloft the I actually like it I think it's good but some people don't do it it's just not no well we can't you're playing a 17,000 people would he shake all the it's a we did that tourgasm show of the mean reach used to be 4.5 hours long yeah well there you go yeah that was fun to sit there

well people waiting waiting to fucking shake Danes hand they were standing in front of me and Gary Gary when I snapped Because they were these this group of kids was in front of us and he goes what you can't even say good show Who said that Gary? Galman because you can't even say good show. That's what I love. I love Galman. We're right here. We're right here You just gonna ignore us to get to the end. That's why I love him. I was on my fucking ass, I was on Perkisets

because I broke my knee. Oh, I remember that. I was on my fucking ass. Fat, you know fat, fuck off. Well, I will listen man. We got this new show coming out, which I'm excited for. It's on serious satellite radio.

It's on 6 o'clock, 6 to 8, two hours of Nick DiPolo. Yes. And... Channel 103. Channel 103. Faction. Which now is 101 is Howard. 100 is Howard.

101 is Howard. Right? And now 103 is the fraction. Faction. Faction. The name stinks. I didn't name it I think it's had something with Jason Ellis or something right Jason Ellis But it wasn't his show something to do with the faction. That's what I thought I heard I don't even know it should have just been caught something else because it's too hard to fucking remember

I don't even know what it means the fraction the faction. I don't know what it means I don't know what it means. Well, hopefully you can go to the Faction of Elkita. That doesn't, hopefully you become more popular and they'll just become the Nicky D channel. Yes, there you go. Morocco. Morocco's revenge. What else you got going on?

Is that it? That's about it. I got the, yeah, the podcast on iTunes and Riotcast. And if you want to subscribe, go to connectpal.com slash Nick. Um, I'm doing modern dance. You doing that again? I'm studying modern dance. And, um,

do you use to be a dancer back in the day like a swing dance? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking hits off. What are you talking about? You mean it's at weddings. No, I don't. Like Bill Hicks said, no real man swing dance. Yeah, you're fucking tits off. What are you talking about? You're talking about... No, I don't. Like Bill Hicks said, no real man fucking dance.

That's one of the best pits ever. Remember that Betty does? I'm gonna butcher it now, but he goes, that girls think they can tell how good a guy is in bed by how well he can dance. Yeah. What's it matter, he goes? What's it fucking matter?

If a guy likes to get out there and dance, he's fucking gay. What's the matter a guy like to get out there and he's fucking gay. What's a matter? Oh, he's in bed. He's fucking gay. He goes, real men don't dance. They just sit there and sweat and curse. I got a wetting. Which is what I do.

But I did in the day when I lived next to the palace. I was fucking out there. I thought I was fucking Trabotho. What are you, shit? I live right next to it. I used to get a committeeydia four times a month. I had a bowl next to my bed. My dick would just drip into it.

What did you, it looked like a fucking pot of Nguyengan clam chowder by Sunday night. Chowder, oh, Christ yeah. What did you use to wear? Oh, Christ, a three-piece suit with a top hat and a nice gold watch. No, no, no, no, no, what do you, did you wear like joyd Ash and a fucking tank top?

Yeah, I had a wife beat her on with a sports jacket over it, and a pair of cut off jeans. No. Miami Vice. That's a good nod. I'd go to chess king. Chess king. I got a chess king at the mall and get the fucking the starter guinea sets. Does he have a reaches?

Oh, that's shit. I had the, you know, and I had the, uh, whatever. I got pictures, man. I got pictures. Yeah. Did you have any pictures? Greg, you're out of the put these pictures. Remember, he had his pilot, late grade buddy.

I did one of the episodes of his show. Remember, he had a show called The Santa Fe for a minute. And I brought on these pictures. When I got out of college, this, some guy did a story of me interviewing me in the local paper, and some of the heart modeling agency in Boston, some guys saw it and wanted to meet, so I went in, I had pictures done and shit, and now looking back on it, the guy just wanted to try to fuck me, you know. But I still have the picture. And Gerald,

do I actually let Gerald show some of them on uh... yeah on i can't believe it no no i wouldn't dare you have to be torched well have i put any on i might have put one into the work that in but i got some look at this giant steamship going down the Mississippi it says bird's book on

anyways yeah jerald i let you rather put that shit on tv i don't know what i was thinking I want my Mia. You got a post one on Instagram throwback Thursday I've put up a couple they want the modeling things you use them you choose the modeling ones to promote upcoming big gigs I showed I showed like Amy I think Amy Schumer I showed I sent it to her on her phone a couple of them and whoever else Funny shit man. Yeah, I was like 20. I was like 21 or 22. Have you talked to her? I haven't I About a probably I'd say month ago. Yeah

She texted me or two months ago. I can't help it so month ago if I can pull months ago But she was having a party and I forget. I can't help it. So I'm not the go if I can pull a month ago, but you have an apartment, and I forget why I couldn't go. I had something to do up, and I think it was going to see my family up in Massachusetts, so I couldn't. I never get to them either. Yeah.

I just never, it's like, because for me to go in town, one of those nights is just a pain in the ass to leave my house. Yeah, I did it for you. I don't. What do you kid me? I've been up this instant, what, 2000. Yeah.

I made that ride in for about 14 years and just the last couple of years I put the brakes on it. Yeah. I'll get in there a couple times. I like to go to the stand maybe, not now if I get in there. You love that club. I do. I really do. It's a very, I love Patrick and I love those guys and it is a great club

But it's it's very every time I play there's very young It's a very young yeah, I guess so but I it's a good place to it's it's I love it I don't need I only want 20 minutes, you know? I've done, when I was getting my hour ready, I said, I want a full 40, give me 45 minutes, and they let me do whatever I want, you know? They do let go, it's fun. It's no, I like to have a handful of people, and I'm really messing around with no shit.

And it's a good hangout. The comedy's so God bless, it's still my favorite. Those will always be my family and stuff. I just wore out my welcome there. I kept, you know, they asked me why I don't come back. I just got too comfortable there. I started taking it out on the audience, like they were in my house.

You know what I mean? I got too comfortable. And now it's packed every night, and I don't wanna go up there. And with a notebook, a fuck around when it's packed. That's a big people pay good money to get in there. And Louis made it a big tourist. What about the, the villa villa the fat like pussy cat. I love that. I just did it. Yeah, how was it? I've done it probably five times already Oh my god. I love it. Yeah, the the lounge me. Yeah, I'm doing it for the first time my hour Monday night

I love it. I love it. Oh, I love it. It'll keep you honest They'll they'll they'll fucking like you one time and not like you the next. Yeah, that's what I'm doing my hour and Figure it out. Yeah, I like that they open that club up now if you think back to That whole place was music. Yeah, yeah, sometimes it still is I can hear music coming through the fucking lemon today He the other night. I'm like we turn the bass down. We'll put on some framp then fucking let me get through the shit I love it. It's a great and you know, Quinn's they are working his shit out the master That room it's so cool people are in couches and this lamps you like it really has that That jazz vibe to it and it's got that little it has a little balcony inside the room

That's our green room, but people sit up there too on stools. They took out the VIP lounge and made it a little balcony. Yeah and I fucking and it was full the last two times I did it and it's make I make good money and you know I wanged half of it I would I gotta listen to my I throw out so much shit just I'm trying to do a stream of consciousness when I'm there. I don't even have jokes going up. I just start talking off the top of my head. I'm tired. I wrote for years.

I wrote good material. It only got me so far. Now I like to show up and just be funny. And I'm not talking, working the audience. I've had this discussion with Colin for years. Just stream of consciousness. Just talking. Well, I'll had this discussion with Colin for years. Just stream a consciousness. Just talking. Well, I'll talk about being funny, but talking yourself into a corner and working shit out in your head. And just saying the first thing that pops into your head,

I did it the other night. And the problem with that is, you know, at the end of the year, they're like, do you have a special, you're like, I don't know, I've been fucking doing something different every night. You'd have to rise to the occasion on the night somebody wanted to film you for a special. But it's the purest form of stand up. Can you go up there and just be fun? I'm not talking, working the audience.

Anybody can do that. I'm talking going up there and just riffing about, you know, fucking whatever. And I listen to it, some of it's garbage, and some of it's really funny. Does it not have? some of its garbage, and some of its really funny. Does it not, yeah, they fucking, it's a different kind of life, the quality life. They're like almost laughing.

I can't describe it. They appreciate it though. They can appreciate. And then this time, you know, you'll go two minutes where they're just kind of like, what the fuck is he talking about? Yeah. But they know at the fat black pussy cat, they know that's what that place is for.

So you can't do that if the comedy seller. You can't. And the underground is too big to do. Yeah. All right. That C-Foot gumbos literally sticking out of my asshole right now. Oh boy, there's a visual for you. My asshole's been opening and closing like a gun hole

for the last five years. A dolphin holding you. I'm literally squeezing it together. Oh, that's fucking gross. It's gonna, it's gonna, it's gonna go. Robert has a shrimp at two-fay dripping out of his ass crack. No, that was gun, we had the gumbo.

And it was as good, that row, I make the shit at home. And let me tell you, I'll probably never make it gonna have to have in that. That was the richest darkest row. That's what they call it chocolate row fucks It was good and but here's the thing. I still don't think fucking New Orleans has the best food Well, it depends it depends what I've had so far Well, yeah, I know you're an applebees guy, but no, I'm not I'm a fucking dude I'm a great food guy and a joke all the restaurants we picked were from me because I know to pick a good restaurant. Yeah, you don't the steak was great, but steak can get anywhere

No, I know but but they did it right. It was the way it was cooked It was too good restaurants we went to but I'm talking about this this Cajun I Love it. I love it and and having that having that gum ball today. It was as good as I And having that, having that gumbo today, it was as good as I heard from people for years. That was good gumbo. I would give it, the last gumbo I had was watery. Well, that's because Greg Rolgel made it. All right, well, that's the, this whole circle for you.

All right, this has been a one-on-one. Make sure you check out Nick DePolo, NickDip.com. Riotcast, every Monday, he releases a brand new show. It's one of my favorite shows on the network. It's one of my favorite shows, all podcasts. It's a very few podcasts that I listen to. And this is one of them. If you want to subscribe, go to connectpal.com slash neck. And check out his new show which starts May 15th. May 15th. Channel 103. It starts. I'm actually going to be May 15th is my first show at the seller sold out so we're doing another show. So it's May 15th is the second show. So go to comedyseller.com and get tickets for the May 15th show.

And make sure you subscribe review to this podcast. This is for you premium motherfuckers. And listen to Nick Dupalog. And if you're a serious member, go check it out. And if you're not, if you don't know who Nick Dupalog is by now, I've talked about him so much, you gotta go check him out. And make sure you support the serious show. All right?

Nick, thanks for coming on, buddy. Thank you, Roberto. Bye. Bye. on the internet, and they're all free, and they're all free.