Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Paul Virzi

Episode Date: August 14, 2022

This week Bobby is joined by show favorite Paul Virzi as we get into his new Netflix special, rules for their family's when they pass and close out with some more encounters with animals! This episode is brought to you by Talkspace, use Promo Code YKWD at Talkspace.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Old school back in the day Were it all started before them all? YKW did this podcast is so fun and crazy And there's no rules Shut up, you ruining this! Rook the bar, man, I'm sorry, it's comedy podcasts This is an NPR That's the podcast done! Is there any better show? This is the original? Original. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. it. I enjoy life. I'm not bust in my ass until I'm 60 and then what am I going to get a house in the woods then and enjoy it? No, I won't be able to walk. So I did it now all summer every summer from now on. I'll be up here at Kelly Camp doing the show from here, but it's still a rock and show my guest today. I can't even talk to him I can't talk to him before the show because as soon as we start talking It's it's immediate fucking gold. So I just hit fucking hit the button. He might be mad at me, but Paul Versey everybody give it up for Paul

First of all, I would never be mad at you We don't get mad at each other, but we do have bones to pick. Yeah, we get little grudges that last a week, and then we love each other, but I gotta tell you something, man. Yeah, I was gonna tell you this in Montreal, but you're in Montreal, it's hard to talk. Brother, first of all, you're not sick, right?

What did you call me? You're not sick, right? I'm not sick. What the fuck are you talking about sick? You look incredible. So you go to sick first. No, I'm making sure. Because you go to sick for, I mean, here's a deal.

I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna break the psychologically down for you. Because you know me, and the way you think of me, if I lost weight, Bobby's sick, right? You can't go to Bobby, maybe got a shit together. No, because I texted you when you were kind of, you took it the way comics are not good with taking compliments, you kind of, but dude, you look, you don't look like you lost weight. You look like, I look sick. No, you're getting good looking again.

You know, like, you look like, you're, you're looking like like this is like, dude, you are, I'm really, I was just like, man, this guy, because I started worrying about, you know, I lost a little weight and then I saw you and I got, okay, I've got now a competition with this guy. And I mean, that's how nuts I am. You know what I mean? You've been busy. I've been busy. We haven't talked that much. I see you losing weight. I'm starting, I went to the track yesterday. I walked, I walked to track yesterday, But dude, you look, you look in the face, in the neck, in the, in the whole thing, dude. You look good. You know what I'm funny? That is when you lose weight in life, like as an adult male, as a husband or a father, if you get your shit together enough to lose

the weight and you're like, and then you show up as some other asshole lost more weight than you. Oh, dude. And nobody even fucks with your 15 pounds. Oh, it's the worst. A guy's been sweating it out at the tractor and push ups, he shows up thinking everyone's gonna talk to him. And then this guy loses more and steals his fucking thunder. Oh my God.

But dude, like, yeah, I actually could see, you're gonna get, you know what's gonna happen with you? I'm gonna stay this on your podcast, mark my words. I'm calling this now. You're gonna get like, you're gonna get thin thin. I could see it. You, whatever corner you turned, you did it. It's coming. Yeah, it's coming.

I think sexy, sexy Bobby's coming. You're gonna make another fucking run out of it, dude. Now, let's look at the way I love my wife and my kid. I don't want to ruin my life. Don't pump me up too much. I'm gonna be in Vegas fucking banging the dancers again. I just want to say, I want to go back to the beginning here. Yeah, no, I shouldn't have said sick. I mean, you came out of the gate sick. You went, you went, you had, not only did you say you sick, you had a concern underneath it.

Yeah, listen, I didn't, I didn't think something. I was, I like, as I said, I was like, nothing bad, bad. But I was just wondering, you're going through something. You know, what the fuck? But dude, you didn't go, dude, you didn't say it like, what are you sick? Like joking, you ain't, are you sick? You ain't, are you like, I'm not being, I did, I did.

I'm not being, I did, I did, I did it too concerning, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right, you're right. I shoulda went like, dude, you're not sick, are you? Cause you look great. That's how I shoulda, that's you shoulda said it. You went, you got cancer? You got calling cancer, dude

Dude you got AIDS. Oh, that's my fault. Yeah, it's my fault Yeah, there's a problem when you're as big as I was you lose weight and now everybody now the conspiracy theories happen You know what I mean? So yes people don't like peat listen people know that jealous pieces of shit That's why I didn't come from that place. I came from a place like I'm, but listen to me. Well, listen, I look great. I mean, if I take my shot, I look great.

I'm going to the beach next week. I mean, but so what I'm saying is, I shouldn't have done it that way, but people are jealous, people are like, I remember Ron Bennington showed up looking good, because you know, Ron lost all that weight. And people would, and he had to go, yeah, I'm not sick.

But people do that because they're fucking, they're projecting their shit. It has to do with the age too. When a 60 something year old guy loses a ton of weight, and all of a sudden becomes really nice, you know what I mean? He's like, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. If you started this podcast like Overly, like Nice and a little different, yeah, then I would have called you. I'll have to call you after the podcast. Yeah. Hey, if I started the podcast like this, ladies and gentlemen,

this guy is a dear friend of me and has always been there for me. And I value his friendship so much. Oh, if you would have said that, I would have told much to stop that that would have texted. I would have said that, I would have told mush to stop that that would have texted. I would have called you. I would have called you.

I would have called you right now. I'd be like, stop the podcast dude. What's going on Bobby? We don't have to do this. We don't have to do this guy. I couldn't come and see you tomorrow. I'll come to fuck. I'll come to where you are in the woods.

It will sit and talk. Yeah, I just want to take a sec before we start with a great friend of mine. Can we just listen to the birds? Oh, forget it, dude. Hear them, they're beautiful. I would have shown up there in like how much time you got left. I would have done that. I would have just shown.

I just want to thank my supporters of my Patreon for this beautiful herbal tea they sent. Oh my God. This tea has really helped calm me in these moments of horror. Yeah. Are you? Hahaha. Uh, was it, so what did you do this time? Because I've seen you lose weight before.

But yes, I, I, I, I, I went to Brazil. I got fucked in the ass by a guy and I got AIDS. It's working perfectly because I figured they cure AIDS now. You don't die from AIDS right you pick you get a little touch of HIV You drop some I got the AIDS I drop weight quick I Fuckin take the pill I got this little cocktail. I think everyone every morning You know my knuckles are swollen and my fingernails are weird my My, I get a little pop belly, but I feel good. I feel good. Oh, I gotta tell you something.

And obviously we can't say it now, but, you know, something. Oh, dude. No, no, we can't say it because I, you know, I was on the phone and I was really upset. So I started trashing some people. You know, I mean, I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna back. I'm gonna help you because I'll let you know that in Montreal, me and Big J, and Josh Adam irerson, literally during the day,

would go to J's room, lie on his bed with his laptop, watch people's stuff on YouTube, and smash it. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. It's great, but what are you gonna say? What I'm gonna say is there's a reason why in comedy and I, you know, I was just talking to a couple of our friends, you know, I hold it close, I only have a handful of friends,

you're included, I can't be a part of what, you know, I'm not gonna do the comedy basketball game, I'm not gonna do the fucking comedians poker, yeah, you're fucking mine, I got a family, you nuts. So, but the reason why, what are you doing? Where are you? You think I wanna do, when I hear these,

you know how I wanna burst out laughing when I hear this guy, everyone's gonna meet at the park at 12 o'clock with a fucking Frisbee. Are you adding your fucking mind? You think I wanna, I don't wanna see you at the club. I don't wanna see, I wanna do my set and get the fuck out of that fucking homeless ridden shitty city right now. I don't wanna see you at the club. I don't wanna see, I wanna do my set and get the fuck out of that fucking homeless, ridden shitty city right now.

I don't wanna fucking, you think I wanna fucking throw a Frisbee with a bunch of assholes who were in a green room the night before? The fuck out of here, dude. Get a family, you fucking one bedroom apartment, living cock sucker, you know what I'm talking about? Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, get a family and a fucking life.

What you're doing is right. You're sitting in the woods smoking a stick You got chairs behind you got a fucking beautiful family. You're gonna go fishing. That's living That's living not running around hoping some fucking hooker who've never stood in our shoes Paying you $25 trying to get their fucking approval if they got hit by a fucking bus Guess what another asshole doing their job because We're because they're fucking it. Are you adding your fucking mind? As pandemic not taught anybody anything, you fucking hamster wheel running cock suckers. I don't want to be a part of it.

You know what fucking community I'm part of my family? Fuck you. And listen, here's the reason, Bobby. Why? Guys, like you and me and certain guys click is because we're not built for that. Let's follow an algorithm. Let's fucking be a marketer. I don't do that.

I don't fucking say buzzwords. I don't even know what that means. I fucking do the best I can and stand up. I try to get better and I hang with my fucking family. That's why guys like me and you are friends. Well, here's a day. Dude, fucking beautiful, man. By the way, please, that's the clip.

That's the clip. Enjoy that, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoy that clip, because that's the episode you're about to watch. All right, thanks for having me. I'm going to golf. Listen, here's the, dude, I'm telling ya, I love Joe List.

I love Sarah, two of my closest friends, yeah? Yeah. But what the fuck? That's the one thing that's fucked up about being up here. That thing, whatever that tarot that was Dude I've done that they invited me to the the comics park day Where they go to Central Park and that's a real thing you do that went out me max Max was a baby in a we in a baby carriage in a wheelchair almost a wheelchair

Max is in a baby carriage, gone. Look for the balloon. So we're walking out central park, by the way. Okay, looking for a balloon. Finally, 45 minutes in, I find this stupid balloon. It's not up in the air. It's on the ground. There's a balloon on the ground.

It's a, how do you look for a balloon on the, why did you get a balloon? Just get a flag. That's flag. We look back, the red backpack, look for the red backpack. A balloon floats in the air asshole. So we finally find this thing. We show up.

The only people I know is Joe Liston Sarah. All these other comics are fucking from Brooklyn and fucking all over the fucking place. We sit down, they're looking at us like vampires, like me and my wife and my kid. I'm like, all over the fucking place, we sit down, they're looking at us like vampires, like me and my wife and my kid. I'm like, all right, we get all kinds of snacks. We thought everybody was gonna have snacks. We only wanted to fucking snacks. So everybody starts to eat not snacks.

Oh yeah, no, no, yeah. And I'm like, all right, listen, fucking yeah, you guys, they start to, and then it's over. They're like, whatever time, oh, we're gonna do spots. I'm like, I thought this was a, is that your whole life, the fucking spots? You can't take a day off.

Do you also enjoy your life? Dude, after my special came out, I said this, I go, I am going to do spots when I want for a while. I'm gonna spend time with my family because I was running away from them for so long. And I'm living a little getting material. That's the other thing, like we go out there, you live a little, you hang out in the woods, you go camping long enough, guess what, you're going to have fucking three or four monster bits when you fucking hit it hard again. I'm going to the beach next week with my family and I'm off the grid.

And I can't wait to do it. But yeah, and I would have thought Bobby. I would have thought that the pandemic would let people realize like, spot, spot, spot, spot, spot. It's actually for me, I don't know about you, but when I do spot, spot, spot, 12 minutes, 15 minutes, it actually hurts my long set because I'm like hopping all over the place and I don't like that. I like to, yes, when I have a new joke, I like to go down and work it out, couple of bits work out, but running around doing spot, spot, spot,

and the same, it's not, you know, it's, I don't think it's nuts. This is the fuck in pandemic, right here. That's the pandemic. That's what the fuck in pandemic. We've got this land in the, I was like, dude, I don't care. I don't care. I'm't care. I'm not waiting. I'm not waiting to enjoy my life anymore. I'm not worth. I'm not going to work to become famous

enough, to become rich enough, and then I'll enjoy my life. Then I'll enjoy my family, then I'll do the things we want to do. I want to kill myself until I become as famous and rich as this guy. I want to kill myself until I become as famous and rich as this guy. I mean, it's ridiculous. I'll just do it now as I can do it. How funny would it be if we're ruined and some young man you've been doing this decades so we learned how to fucking do stand up? How funny would it be if we ruined some five-year comic stop to his spots? I mean, listen, we had to do that.

So let me back up a second. Back up, please. I'll be back up. Put a disclaimer on this at the end of that clip I needed this flavor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the thing. Yes, when you're coming up as a comic, you have to do spot spot and get in with the

bookers. I know it's easy for us to say we've done some things in the business. I'm sitting here as I've ruined some kids career. Yes, I get that. And yes, you want to go to the fuck to it. I remember I used to think going to the comedy Christmas party was important. You remember that Remember to have what gonna fucking rub elbows with like we like they gave a fuck like I gotta go to the Caroline's Christmas party because I'm gonna it's gonna help me. I mean how dumb was that?

Oh, and then the guy would still treat you like shit the guy who who uh The manager that little fucking scumbag, I know what his name is, but fucking a little fat fucking shirt didn't fit, but he still talked it in. I mean, come on. You don't talk a shirt. If you're a chubby and it don't fit, you don't talk. Guys that talk fat guys that talk just don't, don't get it. Now, you don't talk. No ties, no talk when you're fat. I know that. I know that. Just a little fucker with talk a little thing

and you couldn't even see his belt. And then he'd fucking treat you like shit every, and then on Christmas, he'd be like, hi, Robert. Don't call me Robert. Like I'm your fucking employee, fuck you. I hated that. You know what's good?

You know what's good to me, right? At the Carolina Cancer Christmas party? Oh. All right, Pete, you gotta go, Boba. I know you're a bubble B. You're in danger. What you got to go. Sorry. What the fuck? Did you just spit on it? No, I blew. Oh, that sounded like a spit. I was just like, I got aggressive. I got my lungs back. Um.

So, back. So brother, Idris Alba was the good guy at Caroline's. He fucking always treated me like gold. Sweetest guy ever. Great. That's so great. See, and that guy crushed. I mean, not crushed, dude. He's crushed it. Yeah, like he's like, yeah, yeah. Two doggies I knew, Patrison Neal and Idris Alba fucking both murdered it. We should have been a fucking doer guy instead of delivering flowers to old fucking punts. Or what's going on in the other right now? One. She, you, push, push, are you doing no sugar?

What's your thing right now? Yeah, I ain't fucking with no sugar, no, I haven't had carbs, I really had healthy carbs. Vitamins, morning, night, working out every day. Every fucking day. Walkin', hikein', kayaking, lift, lifting weights. My uncle lives up the street. He's got, he's got to do it. His fucking, my place, I got a nice plot of land. And in the future, I might build a house up here, right? And put something nice up here. But my uncle's

house, brother. Yeah. This guy went from a plot of and to a nice little house to a fucking compound dude really oh dude he bought all the land around him he's got fucking he's got a guest house he's got a huge like a three-car shed with upstairs gym so I walk up to his house that's fun fun. I use his gym up there. He's got a fucking great gym. So, yeah, I've been just killing it. Every day, moving. I wake up in the morning, take the dark for a walk up the hills.

The hills up here suck. I mean, the road is just fucking, you know, like this. Yeah. And then the afternoon, I do something. And I eat small. I don't eat a lot. I don't eat what you're supposed to eat, you know what I mean? I don't eat because it was funny

because I was with mush. I got mush working out, mush how you doing by the way? I'm doing good, my legs filled back to normal and my arms filled back to normal. What? What do you mean? You have to be working out, I hope it's weekend. I finally come back to the hospital.

I feel like your arms and legs are. I finally come back to the hospital. Feeling your arms and legs, or? They were really sore the last few days. Dude, I was making a mock. I made a mock and tamper heat and slurred and I made mush walk. He's all in black, by the way. Oh, Jesus. He's all in black with a black hat.

I made this poor Chuck D. Mexigan. We We walked, I think 10,000 steps. Oh my God, but I was walking at a clip. So he was, he was keeping up with me. Poor kids. Highway was 150. He's such a gentle soul. He was like, Bobby, Bobby, can we take a break? He didn't even like say, I need to take a break. He's like, can we take a break? And I was like, what's your heart rate? 155? Oh, Jesus.

Yeah. You're about to stroke out. Just, you can see. I had him doing pushups on the bench. Yeah, you know, somebody's not used to working out when they go, how you feel? My arms and legs came back. Yeah.

He did that. Oh, shit. He did good though, but I was watching like Mike counter and I even mush like and I eat the same way. I used to eat the same way dude. It's a lot of it's a fucking 3000 calorie meal. What is like dude it's it? Dude, it's not even the food, it's this dipping shit. You must remember those egg rolls? Oh yeah, those apples, egg rolls. Dude, they had egg rolls. There's like eight of them came on a plate, eight.

Who needs eight egg rolls as an appetizer? Wow. And it came with two different like a sauce. Like a cheese sauce? What was it? He ordered chips and queso, and then there was all the sauces that came with the egg rolls. Dude, chips and queso, I mean, queso isn't even cheese, right? I mean, that's just a...

It's cheese with other stuff in it to make it smoother. Then they came with these sauces, and you dip the egg rolls. And don't believe me, I'm fucking, I'm months away from that. I understand it, but stepping back from it, and then looking, and then the meal comes. Like the way we eat in America, dude, there's nuts. I mean, it's fucking nuts. I had a piece of fish. I didn't eat any, I ate a little, like maybe a little of a half of my fish.

And then I was done, right? Most, I had a little broccoli. And a little of a half of my fish. And then I was done, right? Moch, I had a little broccoli. And I was out, I popped out. Yeah, do you, Bobby, do you drink coffee or no? Or do you drink decaf, I quit caffeine, dude. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. Cause coffee helps, it's like a digestive thing. Like the, if you eat light, if you eat light

and then have a coffee, you're good. Like the thing is, like, people think they're hungry. So you know that they say that a lot of times you think you're hungry and you're actually dehydrated and thirsty, people drink water, you're not hungry. In your stomach, when your stomach becomes so big, right? Your stomach is huge. You make it stretch out.

Yep, okay. There's called growrelin cells. Grelin cells tell you I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry. You understand? Yep. So that's those cells fuck with you. So when you're not hungry, you're telling you, fill this fucking, this fucking pocket you created, you fat fuck. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, because it's not real. You're not really hungry in that moment. Right. Yeah, and then people gorge themselves and they eat, they eat more. Like, you don't need, if you eat two slices of pizza and have a drink, you're good. But the thing is, it's impossible to have two slices of pizza. You can eat fucking, I mean you got to have four or five slices Listen dude, I remember me and Yannis with doing ykwd

There you go look a there you go Before eating grill and sells look at that wow Look at that after eating is that crazy? Yeah, holy shit. It's fucking nuts, man. Yeah, those suckers. So it's telling you, it's telling you you're still hungry when you're not.

You're not. Wow, you're not. You're done. So you have to like, it's almost like trying to meditate. You have to listen, you really have to listen to your body Yeah, I'm done. I'm fucking done. I'm done. Yeah, but here's the thing Yeah, I mean me and I honest we want to Joe's pizza. We're like, let's get to we orders pizza It's gonna be like 15 minutes. Okay, so we got two slices while we're waiting for the pizza

We ate them so fast. We're like you want to get to more? We weren't got two more slices. Yeah, you should be done. No pie should come Buddy, we went and got two more What and then we ate the pizza. Oh my god. We're a pizza. We're a pizza each So you had seven slices each buddy, but it's not I mean, when you're in it, it's not that much You know what I mean? Those seven slices each buddy, but it's not I mean when you're in it. It's not that much You know what I mean those sevens a lot, dude I mean let's not it is much. It's fucking much. I'm full to the brim after 457 It is I could eat a whole but the me and don used to get when I'd be home like during the week or if I had a Friday night All for something and we do pizza from from

Hard steel high-speed pizza, dude. Yeah. Dude, we get wings, we get pizza. I mean, I get a big pie, a grandma pie. Oh. And I would fucking eat so much. And then when they would go to bed, I'd go back and heat up some stuff on the toaster

and watch another movie. And then I would go to bed. I would go to bed. Well, you know what, though, you're the type of guy that's addictive, right? So that's why like when you get into something, you get into it good, but the thing is now you're gonna get into the workouts.

Well, that's the key. Is that, you know, when I went to Europe, I realized like Louis, and even as assistant Lea, and even this other guy Greg Hahn, every day would wake up and work out. So I started doing it. I started waking up every day and walking. Rome fucked me all this European people,

the European people fucking move in those cities. They walk everywhere. So when I came back, I just kept that going. And it's tough. Like this morning it's raining out. I got to go, I went and walked in the fucking rain with the dog. It's like fucking dude. I got in 20 minutes this morning. And then I'm gonna go kayaking a little later.

After this, I'm going fishing kayaking on my boat. That's correct. Dude, if you took busloads of Americans and you put them over in Europe, and they just started walking towards them, it would be like a horror movie to them. It would be like a bunch of monsters chasing. They eat so little in Europe. Like, they like their coffee. They eat so little in Europe, like they like their coffee, they have a little bite, they talk, they like digest,

where we just, we just fucking, even at a deli, when you get a sandwich, shouldn't be this fucking big with a coke. It just shouldn't, you shouldn't have an author of a pound of meat. Yeah. There's a de-Angelo's in Boston, I used to work there. There's a thing called the pounder.

You can, they call pounding it up. So you go, yeah, pound it up. They put a pound of steak, a fucking pound of steak, hit a bun and witch cheese peppers and onions. Oh my. It sounds delicious, but that's like two meals. It sounds fucking great, dude. This is what a fat fuck I am.

I used to go, give me the salad, they had a salad, and I would go put the pounder on that. I get a pound of steak and cheese on the fucking salad. Dude, one of the fattest things I did, doing fat shit is funny, but when you really don't care, I used to dip the crust I used to dip my crust in blue cheese like when I really when I really didn't give a fuck I just used to dip the dip out of it. Oh dude there's there's no way they have a the sandwich there they used to

have a sandwich there to get rid of it because we got in trouble called the Great Divide. You know the whole French roll, the big Italian, it's like, buddy, listen to me. The whole baguette, the whole thing, and you could get different subs in it. So you could get like a fucking tuna fish, then you could go to a Italian, and then you go to a meatball, and then you go to steak and cheese.

So you get four subs in one sub. Oh my God, dude. I'm I've eaten it. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Well, you know what? Now you're eating fish, which is good. So let's, I even, I don't have an red meat. Really? That fucking now chicken and fish. Maybe a little turkey turkey meatballs or something like that. No raisins by the way that. No raisins, by the way, no fucking raisins. Did you, when you went to the doctor before this diet, did the doctor

say this is what you have to do or was this like, did you have like an awakening where you're like, My knee, my back, and diabetes. I was pre-diabetic. Okay. And then my heart rate was going up. So I don't take any pills, you know what I mean? Like I don't take anything. So I was like, I was fucking, it was a rap. So I just, yeah, I do look.

It's just time. I'm 51. I got a nine it was a wrap. So I just, yeah, I do look. It's just time. I'm 51. I got a nine year old. Yeah, my wife, I love my wife. I love, it sucks because I love my wife more than I, it like rolls, she used to love me more. And I was the rocker roll comic and I loved her. But now it's switched.

I love her so much. And she's like, yeah, all right, let's go. Let's do this. I'm funny, is that little fucking twist of fate? They get you to be, they spend their whole lives trying to get you to be sensitive and loving. And as soon as you become sensitive and loving, they become dudes.

Yeah, they roll their eyes at you and all that shit. Yeah. No, man, that's great. And it's smart that you know that. Like, one guy, I saw this thing where a guy goes like this. He goes, he's sitting down with somebody and the guy goes, yeah, he goes, listen, well, here's your choice. He goes, you're going to die.

And another man's going to walk your daughter down the aisle because your wife's going to get with another man. So you make the decision. Are you going to fucking, are you gonna, no, I'm not saying you, I'm saying no. But now that's in my head. Oh my God, I'm gonna throw it. But yeah, but look.

I just had a vision, listen, no. What the fuck? What? You don't have a vision. You don't have a daughter. Yeah, you don't have a daughter. It doesn't matter. I just had a vision of some guy, some plumber,

some tattooed guy with a fucking, a fucking Honda gold wing. I love how Bobby not only goes from knowing the guy's tattoos, but what car are guys driving? And what, I mean, you don't, you, A, you don't have a daughter like Mike said, and B, now you're talking about the guy's job car and tattoos and this man doesn't exist.

Yeah, because that's where my brain works. And now Mike, whoever the fuck is going to Mike, it's Mike Calton. Mike Calton is going to marry Mike. What? Yo, Mike Suarez, you see how Bobby, Bobby's like, yeah, and then she's going to marry his fucking union worker. This guy's going to work over times. He's going to have a 45 minute commute this fucking guy.

He's gonna have a tattoo of an eagle on his neck because that's what his uncle had. And I gotta deal with, oh, he probably got specific of this fucking guy. This guy's a fucking Capricorn, okay? I can't fucking have him. I'm not fucking, ¡Ehh, de ahora! 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno... Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidios solo pidiendo el line.

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Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condicionesembolotea.com. What's up? Here it is. I'm in the woods right now. It's about to rain and I'm outside with all my gear. So this might end my podcast in career. But I'm gonna do this because these are the business reads for the YKWD. You heard of that guy, Times presents, it's the only podcast network in the world

to have injected bono medicine into the penis of a paralyzed man for content, but now you probably want to know about the other shows on the network or check it out. I mean, these guys are bad asses. This network doesn't care. They want to make it laugh. They want to make you have a good time.

When you listen to it, when you're in your truck, when you're in your car, when you have a long drive, when you go to travel, this is the place to go. Our family jewels is another awesome trivia-based drinking game podcast that you can play along from home. It's right there on Guy Times Feed alongside other dozens of messed up series for you to enjoy. All right, so make sure you check it out wherever you get your podcast. Malik Jemz has a ever growing variety of beautiful tungsten carbide rings to fit any style of version of your life. You want to look gaudy like a pimp from the 70s like Rich Voss.

They got you covered. You want to look sleek and cool like Paul Verzi. They got that too. You want to shine bright and be noticed like a diamond when my wife dies and she makes me into a diamond and puts me on a ring and marries somebody else, they got you covered. Go to mallocjems.com. Use promo code YKWD for 15% off your order. Go now mallocjems.com. Guys, I want to thank everybody for supporting my Patreon and supporting me.

And if you want to be a member of the business READS, please just sign up. It's right there on the Patreon and I want to thank all you other supporters. You guys make this happen. You make the podcast go and I love you for it. It really means a lot to me but it gets it allows me to be able to do what I like to do which is talk to you, make you guys laugh, get my friends on here and for an hour a day, you can push the button, listen to us, and have a good time.

And it's all because of you. You're the reason we get to do this. And I hope you're enjoying the extra episode, the YKWD extra episode that we're doing every week, just for Patreon members only. It's only for you, you have anything you want to see on there, any questions, just let us know, and we got you covered. All right, we'll see you next week on YKWD and YKWD Extra for Patreon Only. That's the, the shittiest thing ever is that you wife. Have you ever thought,

have you ever like, have you got to tell them now? What do you mean? I'm going to tell them now. What? I told my wife. What? You got to tell them now. Tell them what? Any big event with my kid, if God forbid something happens to me, any? I told my wife, you gotta tell him now. Tell him what? Any big event with my kid, if God forbid something happens to me, any big event with my kids, no one else is there. I want in writing, I'll get it legally. You can fix it now.

As soon as he gets off the phone, I'm fucking setting this down now. As soon as she's on the phone there, and I can tell it's important to see as her fucking room. No, you took that in, you took that in your brain and literally like oh yeah, that's what I'm making sure Like you could end up how you know being with somebody else later But it's got to be very private away from everything. Yeah, no no big events and

I'm mentioned I'm mentioned at the wedding. I mentioned at the the chrysaning I'm mentioned at all that the there's chrysaning, I mentioned that all that the, there's a photo of me, I'm going to have a photo, I want a photo. That's what I mean. A portrait. A portrait of me, I'm going to get a painting. I'm going to get a painting done. Has to be at every big event I'm there.

And I want it to, wherever you walk, I'm fucking looking at you. Just a big, just a big giant portrait of you fly fishing, but your head is always at the camera. You could have a painter do that. Yeah, something. Yeah, I'm at every time. You're afraid this is gonna be her life if you go. Okay.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, sure!

Ah! Ah! That's done. That's fucking... That's actually done right there, eh? Ah! Oh, sure. Oh, that's done. That's fucking, that's actually don't right there. Her max moved Arizona with fucking, his name is Chuck.

That a fucking cowboy hat on. Yeah, they call him big Chuck. That's exactly what you wants to be right there too. I know. Look at the size of your fuckers thigh. I've seen her look at leather vests like that. Like I want want one of those but I can't get one. Oh my god

That's funny. Yeah every of Yeah, I'm so pissed at it right now. Why? Because she's with fucking Chuck. Oh, she's with the imaginary plumber That's so fucking funny you'd be your staring at her different at dinner tonight. She's like, Bobby, what happened? Like after the podcast. So we're looking at, you know, we got the tiny house up here, brother. And it's great, but we need like a shed, you know, to put stuff in, like, you know, the kayaks, we can put some, you know, all this other shit we have out here, we can put share.

And when we leave, we're going to put everything in the know, all this other shit we have out here. We can put chair when we leave We're gonna put everything in the shed winterize everything so I don't have to wrap it with the fucking Where do you put it now in the truck in the car? Well, right? Well, we're gonna get a shed We don't we was that first year up here. So we're gonna get a shed So we get the shed everything will go up in the shed, you know what I mean? No, but what do you do now with the stuff? Well, it's out. We're using it the chairs the table Oh, you know the stuff back there right there. What side is it on that side right there? Yeah, you know all that stuff is gonna go in for the winter, yeah By that new shit every time. Oh, hey, she is Dawn you on the phone. Yeah, what do you mother? Come here? Well, she said

Yeah, what do you mother come here? Well, she said shot I'm on the phone with your mother good come on here. I'm glad my mother should be involved in this Oh, no, I don't know. He's he's gonna you know you have to come on camera. Just stand right here You're not coming on camera because you don't have a brow on If you go to get mail you put a brow right I don't know he's picking pick with me and you. If you go to get mail, you put a bra right? I don't know, he's picking something with me and you. Listen, I want my mother to hear this. If anything ever happens to me, and you'll probably meet somebody else

and chuck the plumber, whoever it is, and you get a motorcycle and you get a hat and a vet. When you wind up fucking cruising around LaConia, and you wind up, any main event, any big event. Your mother's gonna come with me. I want to, there's gonna be a portrait of me, and Max's wedding is any big event you have. We didn't put a check on.

And Chuck can come. Bear is gonna come out of the woods and attack. I don't know, I'm just saying right now, verse you brought up a good thing. Even at your wedding to Chuck, I'm just saying right now, verse you brought up a good thing. Even at your wedding to Chuck, I want to picture of me all on the thing. Yeah, I'm giving you away. You understand?

I'm there. You got it? Sure. Good. Ma, you agree with that? I'm so sorry. Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Mom.

You said I'm giving you away. Yeah got it I said I'm giving you away you understand that oh my god dude. Thank you, Verzy That's what I like that I like that amber shirt that ombre shirt by the way That's one of the funny stick. That's one of the funny things I've ever heard in the podcast because listen to me Listen to me some happens to me okay, and you married as fuck. There's a picture of me. I'm giving you away. That's the that's it Oh dude, that was so that's because that's such an Italian thing. Where they're like, you're right, Melissa. Don, Don. Don, I know you can hear me.

Don, Don. Open the door, crack. Little sliver. You get buried with me too, by the way. You go with me. We're not getting buried. We're not getting buried. We're not getting buried? No, we're getting cremated.

We're getting cremated. Let's take it up space. We'll take up space for. So what does Max get a carrier surround for the rest of his fucking life? Yeah, you can make a diamond out of me. You can... A diamond out of you? We're in on it now.

Give it to Max. Sure. You can make a diamond out of ashes? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Sorry. I'm cool with that. You fucking spiritualist. We're sort of a bitch. You plant me in one of those tree pods. All right. Well, I'm gonna go get burned. Okay. I'll see you later.

Oh, that's the funniest. That's so fucking... Sebastian and his cat go ahead. A joke about that. How his parents got divorced, but they had plots next to each other for burial. But now one is remarried. Like they're remarried. So it's like that gets a little... Like that's something that needs to be discussed. Yeah, you get you fucking get your money back for that other plot. Now you... Now his father's gonna be next to Melissa O'Hara. Oh, fuck. That's so fucking funny. Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh I want to be you're such a fucking Greek Italian only a fuck you not a Italian not a Greek

You have to mix both of these fucking Wolphas together for somebody to go. I want a tomb Both of these fucking cities to get the acropolis in I need a fucking tool. Go fuck it. I want the fucking jewelry on me and one of those fucking taking everything with them. Let me taste them.

I'm breaking them into a little bit of taking that fucking three-grain cash. I'm picking your necklace. How's that? I'm breaking it into your fucking tool. I want three grand cash in my front box. Yeah. I want the cats and the dog with me.

Ah! Oh my god, such a... Why do you want a tomb? No, no, I, no. At first, I don't know, man, like the thought of, I don't know about the thought of being burned as fucked up, man. All right, fuck it, dude, first of all,

you're not feeling the burn. I know. And second of all, you get a tomb. Nobody can listen, you get a gravestone. Nobody, you go what you go to visit it for the first year, you go there a couple times. And then if real estate is booming in another state, you go there because it's cheap attacks is nobody's coming to see you. That's what's up, dude. That's what's I want a flat I want a flat screen and I fuck I want my friends to be able to watch the game Versi wants the free mason's to build his fucking tomb

Yeah, my fucking great guy you know Italian guys want their grave to be a construction site Oh the day they finish it you fuckingak, they just stick you in it. The inside marble, are you show up fucking show up yelling at the foreman? Oh, fuck, dude. Aaron said, Versi wants a shoe collection with his fucking. You know what, Aaron? You're absolutely right. So I want Jordan's lined up in that thing from my favorite to my least favorite, You know what, Aaron? You're absolutely right. I want Jordan's lined up in that thing from my favorite to my least favorite, but all

the ones I wore, oh fuck. I wonder what famous person has the coolest fucking, you know, like what famous person that we know has the coolest, you got to be real fucking ego maniac though to get a fucking tomb. Like I'm obviously jugged, but like, dude, there are some people that are like, and it's like what? I mean, it's just weird to walk into an actual structure. Oh, dudes, I mean, dude, give me a go through a cemetery and see the, the big, uh,

tombs. What do they call it again? It's a, it's a again? Is it a tumor now? Muzzleums. No, Muzzleums nice. I like that. Muzzleums is Jewish. No, no, my grandparents are in Muzzleums. Muzzleums is just, it's an inside thing where they slide you in the wall. Like, remember Mickey and rock. It's like inside. It's nice. Yeah, it was Jewish. No, it was Irish. Are you out of your Mickey was Jew Mickey Mickey was a Jew. They were singing the fucking Amote a rocket was going Yeah, look bring up this dude to see him for Rocky when they were put Mickey and he was doing fucking the toys reading out of the Torah

Are you sure? A hundred fuck you didn't watch the movie I watched the movie but I thought Mickey was a small Irish guy. He was singing he was he was speaking fucking Hebrew Oh shit, all right. Well listen, it's still a good movie I just didn't know. I didn't know. I thought Mickey was Irish. What can you do?

It's a great movie. I mean, they did fuck you with the name. Mickey, he fucking, what's his name? Yeah. His name was Mickey. He fucking had white hair, a red Irish face. Mickey go milk. Why don't we wait you five?

Like it didn't sound. I don't know. I thought. Get up you son of a bitch because Mickey loves you. I didn't know what you want to go. But get up Rocky. Get up. No, no, no, stay down. Stay down. Stay down. Stay down. Let's go home. I am tired. I want some. I got to get some.

What's the way? What is it for? He sounds like fucking Jackie Mason. What are we listening for? Stay down let's go home. I'm tired. I want some I gotta get away wasn't fall He sounds like fucking Jackie Mason Why the hell he was it fall it way the way we waiting for let's get the bagel and go beat this Black man up Let's go. Let's go dude. Oh, this whole my whole life. I thought Mickey was Irish. Holy shit. I just learned that now I just learned that now. Yeah just want to learn that now. Yeah, my grandparents are in that, though. Yeah, that's a, I mean, it might be a reaching, no, that might be, no, that might be, like

that might be a mausoleum for at a Jewish cemetery or whatever, but my grandparents have, you know, they're in the wall with the marble. I like that idea to be honest with you, you know, who's got, I don't want people visiting me getting rained on, you know, I don't, I don't, you're not getting rained on. I like marble. Yeah, look at, listen. Yes, yeah. Listen. Shalom. Shalom. We can't even say it.

So you can't even say it. You can't even smig it. That's enough. Make sure they don't fucking kill us for that. What do we do wrong? They can play anything now. They have the algorithm. They have rocky algorithm. We might get, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,, God forbid, though, you go swimming, you lose it in the ocean, be fucking the worst day of your life.

I'm going to be the diamond. Yeah, but God forbid, whoever, what if she goes swimming with fucking Chuck? What if Dawn dies? I get her into a diamond and then I meet another chick and I marry her and that's the diamond. Oh, man. And Dawn's going to walk around on the cheeks finger. Oh my God, dude, that don't want you.

Don't would fucking haunt you. That's where haunting comes in. That's where a ghost has bad intentions. That's like you're provoking a ghost. I thought you make a poll, the guys. You're provoking the paranormal to go, okay, this fucking wants to fuck around. We'll see when this fucking addict starts talking tonight. We're gonna see Dude, here's how great being with you is crazy

Talking Why are you addict so terrifying dude addict dude? Addicts are fucking ruthless. So, addicts are forever terrifying. Wow. It's just you ever pull the string. You ever pull the string of your attic and you go up there to go get Christmas stuff and you just poke your head up and you look around. It's dark.

It smells different. It's fucking. It's like the pot room. It's fucked up. But even the dumb stares that they make for addicts always sound creepy. They're like, they're about to snap. They can't make a fucking noiseless, unhaunted staircase for an addict. Oh my god, dude.

This is how great being with you is. I've been laughing and crying so long. Do you know that we've done this for 45 minutes? It's, oh, are you kidding me? No, it's like a magic trick. It's literally that's how fucking fun it is. It's 45 minutes in we are. God, that was the funniest thing, dude. Oh, what is this thing? You'd be putting one of Rich's rings if you get made into a diamond. Yeah, you know, Riches, those are all his ex-wives on his finger. Fuckin' boss. A larris.

Of course. Before we go, you guys always love to talk about animals on this show. Yes. Bobby had this awesome video. Look at this one. There's a bear. Look at that bear. Beautiful. hi. hi bear. hi bear. where is it? hi bear. looks nice stuff. hi bear.

it's high. i'm hot too. hi bear. Hi there. There we go. Oh, dude. Yeah. That's the thing. That's the thing about being up here. Yeah. Going down by the fire over there.

Right there. And when you're at night, the fire's on. And then you hear something in the woods. Yeah. It's something. What's that thing behind that chair? The behind the red chair. What do you mean over here?

Yeah. Right here? Yeah, that's the fire pit. No, no, the thing moving. What? What? What? That's funny.

That's funny. That's funny in Westchester. That's not funny with 600 acres of forest behind me. Listen to me. Listen to me. What do you mean? What do you mean high bear? What do you mean high bear? What do you mean high bear? I mean, I'm going to Ford Ranger. It's not getting me. I mean, it's cute. Oh, okay. It's mother. You know, it's if it's mothers there, it's not high bear anymore. No, it's fucking guilty. It's fucking floor. It's floor. Yeah.

Oh, I know that. Yes, I know. Oh, so you guys weren't outside. You guys were inside a structure. I was driving along the highway. I just caught it out of the corner of my eye. Oh, OK. So this black thing in the road, I'm like, what was that?

And a lot of times, you see something that looks like a bear up here driving around. And it's like a wooden bear or some stupid metal bear that they had made. You're like, are you fucking assholes? But this was an actual bear. I was flipping out. My first real life bear sighted was that. Because there's a bear in here. Come on, fucking beast.

There's a bear in these woods that comes out. The neighbor was telling me. In August, they come out a lot, but this fucking deer come out of the back of the woods. All kinds of shit come out of here. There was a, what the fuck? Hey, Dawn. Yeah, there's a few bears on the West Village

that come out, too. A Fishercat. the fuck with hey dawn there's a few bears on the west village to come it up. Dude, the turkey's a fucking huge. We drive him max the camp and we see turkeys every morning pretty much. You know, these huge turkeys and a Fishercat. What's a Fishercat? They're dangerous, man. They'll fucking kill you.

They'll take your dog, they'll take your kid. What the fuck is that? It's like a Wolverine. Dude, that thing looks, that looks like a possessed, that looks like a sick possessed bear. Oh yeah dude, that thing will kill you. What dude? Yeah I did.

You saw, so that's called a Fishercat? Yeah. Whoa! That was creepy looking actually. Yeah dude, that thing was down the street, grabbed a turkey, and dragged it up the tree. What? Fuckin' ate it, yeah.

Oh shit. Like listen apparently, uh, you know, what's that? They fuckin' a tree fell and the tree company came and they fuckin' saw him down the tree, so, you know, we gotta wrap this up. Um, anyways. Very. Oh. Yeah, we gotta wrap this up. Anyways, very smooth. Yeah, what's up, Bosch? So, you guys always have to do the, would you rather, or what would you do

situation with animals? Yes. So you had your bear video, this bear video is fairly new. If you wanna take a look at it. Okay. All right, hey. All right. Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Wow, dude, that just scared the shit out of me, man. That thing was breathing, like it was gonna, but you know what actually made me feel good about that was when he banged the bike to think I'd scared, huh? Well, yeah, black, brown, black bears, you can, they'll run away if they if they think your threat they'll take off but a brown bear will just fucking eat the bike and then

eat your fucking stuff up brown. Grizzly would snap that bike in half. Yeah. Grizzly bear fucking will just kill you. That was really fucking that really the way it was breathing and it came up. That's just, that was horrifying. So, would you rather come across one of those bears on the woods in the woods or be stuck in the tiny house with two of these Fisher cats for 10 minutes? What the fuck? No, dude. I would rather be in the tiny house though. With that? Wait, that's in the house? Yeah. Oh, that's in the house.

Yeah, for 10 minutes, you're in the house with this thing, or five minutes, say five minutes. I would blood you nothing that deaths with a frying pan, dude. I'm not fucking what a bear, dude. I would kill that cat. You think you'd kill that with a frying pan? What are you fucking, you gladdest from that? I would step on a tent like Pesci did to fucking Billy Bats in that thing when he said, sorry, I got blood on your floor dude, I would be stomping that thing. I would jump off the sleeping loft right on its fucking head and keep him here, keep him here. I would know dude, I can't, I'll head and keep him here. Keep him here. I No, dude. I can't I'll be honest with you Bobby

I'm gonna be honest and this might disappoint you and some of your listeners or whatever I'm I'm done with the woods dude. I'm done. No, you know, I'm done Yes, I am the next time I ever go make make no mistake and go on record. I'm gonna go on record on his podcast The next time you see Paul Verz, and you know, fucking woods, it will be in a cabin with a fireplace. I'll have a bourbon in my hand, and I'm sleeping in a fucking bunk. I'm done, dude.

No more floors. I had a miserable time with you. Then my stepfather, me and the kids, when it was 93 degrees in human, my daughter goes, we're never doing this again. We're not staying tomorrow. We were up all night. I'm done, dude.

But I will, I will go with you to cabin. I told you, I told you when you were on that trip, you foster your father, get a fan. Didn't I tell you to get a fan? Yes, you did. And you didn't get a fucking fan. No, I didn't know where to find a hanging fan. You go to Walmart and get a fucking square, huge fan.

Stick it in your tent, you'll enjoy your life. Yeah, where are you gonna plug it in? Well, you did plugs where you camped. I don't know, dude. Where are you out of the woods or are you out of K-O-A? Can we go camping with a cabin? I'll do that. Yeah, you can come up here with me.

And I'll bring the rifle. What rifle? I'll bring my gun. Paul, did you read the fucking rules when you fucking got your gun permit? They don't know if it's in a trunk. Are you out of your mind, dude? That's a federal offense. Bringing a gun from one state to the other.

That's 25 years. Is it? Yes, did you even look into it? You just bought a gun? No, I didn't. I could get in trouble for that. 25 years. I mean, that's that's steep.

It's yeah, dude, you can't just bring a New York gun to the Hampshire. So if I, so if I was with you there at your tiny house, yeah, and we're sitting by where that is and we're smoking a stick, and a fucking bear came out, I can be sick of that. And a fucking bear came out. I did. And I said, don't worry, Bobby.

And I run to my, and I fucking shoot the thing with my rifle. I go to jail. If the, when the cops come, yeah. And they go, who's gun is this? And you go, it's my gun. It's my gun from, I live in Westchester, up at the best, the best, Chester.

I brought my gun just to get, yeah, you go to fucking jail. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I was just a fucking bringing. Oh, okay. All right. So you have to get a you have to get a license here too. Yes. Dude, I don't check emails. I don't check. I you know that I rushed home that you want to laugh. I rushed home to do a podcast with somebody that was going to laugh? I rushed home to do a podcast

with somebody that was going to zoom from LA. And I left the golf course. I was having a great time and I come home and I checked email and it got postponed three days earlier. I didn't check. Do you think I know gun rules? I just got the gun in bullets. And if I need it, I need it. Is it a shotgun? No. What kind of gun is it? It's a rifle, it's like a ruger, it's like a, you know, it's like, yeah, it's like, it's not, I don't have a shotgun. Do you know what gauge it is?

Like is it a 22? Yeah, it's a 22 ruger, but it's a semi-automatic 10 shot. Nice. Okay, first of all, a 22 is not gonna kill a big bear. Well, I got 10, you know? I got 10, if know? I got 10. If I put 10 and it's fucking side of its head, I mean, I'm going to be a shot.

All right, all right. I mean, I have to do it. You should look, just go to YouTube and type in rules of owning a gun in New York State. You might want to fucking do that. Dude, when I come back, when I come back, I'm getting my license to carry, they, That's my gun, that's my gun.

Yeah, dude, when I come back, I'm getting the license to carry in New York. Are you? Fuck yeah. Are you moving? To where? Down South or no? No, why?

Well, I thought, you know, I thought Calta was gonna dig his closet to you and get you down to Tampa. Dude, I mean, let's put this way. If Florida didn't explode, because it's the only fucking free state in the union right now, if it didn't explode and the real state didn't go up, I would have done it.

If I, yeah, because now you can't get the house I want for the price I wanted at, you know what I mean? Because everybody moves to fucking Tampa. Everybody moves to Florida. The west side of Florida filled the fuck up. Yeah, I mean everybody, it's all New York and Boston people, it's hilarious. Everybody said, fuck these states, I'm out,

and they moved down there, and it's too expensive right now, but I Mean in the future dude. I mean I really like Florida Florida's the shit You know that sets about Florida is it's flat. There's no it's everything is Brand new, you know, they mean all the streets like Calda Street. There's no history to that street Right, it's just beautiful houses on a flat in a flat cul-de-sac. Yeah, it's a cul-de-sac. I mean, I guess it's nice,

but it's, they made retirement living for regular people down there. Right. A cul-de-sac in a community, that's when you're re-fucking tired. Yeah, yeah. When I grew up, you retired. Until then, you fucking toughed it out with seasons.

Yes. You had a season. You made it through winter. You made it through fall. You made it through all this shit. You got to summer. You had two months of nice weather. You took the family for a week somewhere,

and you fucking enjoyed it. And then you went right back to work. Now you go down there, dude. That's, you know, you're gonna call the sack. I think the way to do it, I think the way to do it if you could afford it is to stay in your primary, like what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna stay in the country and listen dude, let's be honest. It's bad weather for two and a half months.

Can we fucking rely? It's bad weather for two and a half months. The fall is beautiful, the summer is hot, the spring is fine. Then you get winter, this winter was, we had two snowstorms. I get it. Some winters are bad. I say, get a vacation. If you could afford, you get you get a vacation. Do what you're doing, you know, like you have a plan. And, and, uh, well, I mean, that didn't, that wasn't really helping the sale of moving to the bumblebee. I don't like bumblebees. They pick it pick it another thing. It's a fucking fisherman fucking cat.

I think. I think they did look like a wolf reed. That was one of the most hard fight things I ever seen. Another reason why I don't like the woods. But yeah, I'm staying in the country and then hopefully I'm in a position where I can get a place where me, Stacy and the kids go where it's a little warm. Actually, dude, the tiny houses are, the tiny houses are exploding.

Can you do like a medium house? Dude, you can get these as big as you want. They have a bigger version of this for like 130. Okay. Yeah, you can get one bedroom. You can get a two bedroom one of these. Mine is two sleeping lofts. But if we wanted to, right, we could make the living room area a bedroom.

We could put a wall up and it would be a bedroom. Above it would be like, you know, a sleeping loft, you could put stuff in. And then the other sleeping loft could be another room. You could make this, you would just have, you would have to take, the way we set it up, we have a living room with the TV, we chill and watch, then we have the little, you know, the dining room where we eat, and then the kitchen area, and then the bathroom, all on the first floor. One, two, three, four little spots, and then we sleep upstairs, because you know, you know, go to

bed during the day, it's not like you're going out for sleep. And it's beautiful. Did air conditioner know? Well, did air conditioner know? Well, you got the AC on all day. I got to wrap my head.

I got to put a hat on when I sleep. Does Max like it? Yeah, they both. They're both the heat people. You know, what they're both like? people. You know, they're both like. They get hot. Oh yeah, no, I'm like, I love it cold too. Yeah, she has it freezing, freezing all the time.

And then we haven't been here the pitha because the same AC is the heat. So we'll see how hot it gets, but I'm pretty sure we're right. We're thinking we might put a little tiny stove in here. But here's the problem though. If you get into a scream and fight with your wife, you got nowhere to go. You got no door to slam. Dude, I go right to fight while I walk out there.

How funny would it be if you go, you know what, fuck this. I'm going for a walk and you just walk and then she looks up the window and watched you get mulled by a fucking Fishercat. That's what she hits fucking the shock on her phone. I become a diamond on a ring. Listen, we're going to wrap this up. I love you so much, buddy. Let's do it. You're the best man.

I miss you. I love you. You look fantastic. Can I plug some dates? Yeah, let's do best man. I miss you. I love you. You look fantastic. Can I plug some I plug some dates. Yeah, let's do it right now. All right. Well, first of all guys, if you are listening to this and you did watch my special nocturnal admissions on Netflix, thank you. It's doing fantastic. Thank God. Tell a friend. Check it out. It's streaming right now on Netflix. Also September yet September 17th. I'll be at Soul Jolt's comedy dome.

I'm going to London. I'm performing in London, October 7th at 21 Soho. The 19th of October, I'll be at the DC improv and the 20th of October. The next night, I'll be at the Philly Punchline. All tickets are available, PaulVersi.com. You check out the Versi Effect, anything better podcast, and again my my special and check out my YouTube channel So thank you so much for having me dude dude. You killing it. I'm so happy for you when I come back We'll do a little barbecue. Have a little smoke

When you come back that's that's a done deal. We'll go we'll go we'll smoke some sticks. We'll have a left I can't wait to see it all right. I'll see you later verse Great special buddy. Bye. Take care. All right so See you later, Verice. Okay man. Yeah, great special, but bye, take care. All right. So what a great episode. Man, do I fucking love doing podcasts with that guy? I mean, just, just, I mean, what do we have? Hour one, it seemed like fucking 10 minutes. I hope you guys enjoyed the podcast.

I want to say hi to all you guys. Brian, Brian, I looked for you after the show. I'm sorry, I missed you. I was in the back smoke in a cigar. I thought you came in the back, but you left. It was good to see you for a little bit. Of course, Scruff, Lou, everybody in here. Melissa, a lot of people in here. I want to say Ben looks up a Very fun show. Yes, fun. Fun, good word.

I'm going to fish him right now. So do I have to do anything much? Oh yeah, I got a lot of dates, much. Can you bring my dates up? Yeah, listen, August 25th, I'm going to be at the Asbury Park New Jersey, Asbury, Feshau, Burj, Dicacan. What is that? Asbury, first of all, beer, good, didn't?

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna be. So come out and see me. Would you, I'm gonna be plugging that all week. Much, we need a good ad for that this week, yeah? Gotcha. It needs to go up today, too, if we can. Okay, we got that done tonight. Really great ad.

And of course, Cincinnati, Brueha, if you guys are out there, Soul Joes, they go low Soul Joes. I don't know if that's near you, but it is the 10th, and then I'm at the Lafactory Chicago, and then I'm at the McKenry Indoor, another one near Chicago,

Montchonk Theater in PA, Newtown Theater in PA. I'm at the CB live. Where the fuck is that? And you think that's a great gig. I got so many gigs coming up. Please support my shows, retweet my ads when I put them up so people can know about it. Side's put as a back in tamper in November and East Providence in November. It's gonna be a great year for me stand-up wise

I'm trying to work on some new stuff get some stuff out there and you guys are great. Hopefully the special comes out soon Hopefully in September and we got Robert Kelly live.com for all that and of course go to got Robert Kelly live.com for all that. And of course, go to comicwearables.com, get your YKWD gear, put it on, and wear proudly. That's the time to get your hoodies, because those are going to get to you in time for the cold weather. So you want to order them now.

Yeah, get your hoodies now. Get your caltering Kelly stuff up there. 20% off for all you ladybugs. All the members of my Patreon use cold-rooted ladybugs and you get 20% off and of course Mike V Swares is out there Mike where are you going to be? This weekend I'll be in Texas in a couple of shows. I might be doing an improv producing with Big J at the end of the month and then yeah,

a lot of stuff coming up, doing side footage with Bobby back in November. So a lot lot of fun things so just follow me at Mike. Be swerving. So you're gonna be and make sure you If you're watching this on YouTube become a member become a supporter go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly That's all you have to do it's it's very cheap. It's not expensive and now you get to be part of the live Chat and when anytime we do something live, and we always do an extra episode for you guys and culture and Kelly, everything is up here for you guys. And thank you. I want to thank all you guys who are supporting me right now.

You're the best. And I hope you guys are liking these podcasts. We're doing it from the woods. We'll be back in the studio in September. But next week, we're back here with another spare special guest. And we'll see you then, all right? You know what? Next week, bye-bye. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.

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