Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Paul Virzi "Not A Tour"

Episode Date: January 16, 2022

This week YKWD welcomes back Paul Virzi as we get into family quarantine, tropical Christmas vacations, and what really makes a comedy tour real! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices....com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un humenaje de maú, a Madrid. Informa tencaishabank.es. Caishabank, tu y yo, nosotros. Siempre que se mantenga las de circunstancias económico-financeras del solititante en el momento de la solicitud. Buscas contenido gratis. I wanna be free. Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Baby, we're starting the podcast right now! en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, where it all started before them all. I think I'd like to die you did.
Starting point is 00:01:26 My cast is so fun and crazy, and as a rule, She's out of your winning mitts! First of all, I'm gonna have to lose my story. It's not any podcast. This is an NPR. That's what the podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original.
Starting point is 00:01:40 The original. And we're back. YKWD live live on StreamYard. Yes, I am not in the studio. I am back from my almost month longlong vacation in the wonderful happy island of Aruba, one happy island. People, not so much, but the island is happy. I spent almost a month there, but I'm back. I'm back. We're going to be talking about my trip. We're going to be talking about a couple of bones I have to pick and We're gonna be doing this a bunch of things we're gonna be talking about today
Starting point is 00:02:29 I got a lot of shit on my mind because I had we're not in the studio Why because COVID all McCron fucking Delta crom Fuckin nama cron whatever the fuck it's called Took out everybody so I'm not going in the studio I'm here. We with doing it over StreamYard, which how the fuck do you know? I mean, really, do I have to, I mean, I could just get the backdrop on a green screen,
Starting point is 00:02:52 you would never know. But I'm just, you know what I'm saying? I'm just rambling right now because I haven't done this in three weeks, really. I mean, I haven't done it, but I'm very excited to be back. You guys killed it, you killed it, Patreon, and all the people who check out the YouTube page
Starting point is 00:03:11 for the Yankee swap murdered the episode that's up now is killing it. You guys, I want to thank all the new subscribers on YouTube who we got a thousand more people on YouTube. We got a lot of more people, we got so many more people on YouTube? We got a lot of more people we got so many more people on patreon I'm glad we you stuck around to after the month was up I hope you enjoy the content we're putting out we're gonna be putting more stuff on there too We're gonna be getting more shit on the patreon for you guys you have any suggestions things you don't like things
Starting point is 00:03:40 You like whatever things you want to see, please hit us up on Patreon or email me at the, what's the email mush? YKWDudeatgmail.com. Just email us, let us know what's up and don't be a cunt about it and we will definitely make shit happen. But I have a very special guest, listen, I'm excited that I have my guest say, I mean, this guy, I don't know, I just love talking to him. I like being around him. We live with best Chester boys. That's right. And he's
Starting point is 00:04:13 one of my favorite guests on my KWD and one of my favorite people on the planet. Give it up. Everybody from Mr. Paul Versey. Bobby. Hi brother. Hey man, I just want to let you know. I said before earlier, but I don't want your listeners because I know a lot of podcasters are putting funny outfits on and they're doing a lot of different things. My hood is on my head, not to look cool.
Starting point is 00:04:37 My hood is on my head because I went in my studio. It was 47 degrees. I have a little heater on. I'm fucking freezing my nuts off. So I'm not trying to fucking Yo, you hear imagine I imagine I shut up like this Yo Bobby
Starting point is 00:04:54 Yo, yo, yo, what's up, man? Oh Bobby. How was the Rubikin? I was like, don't pop the chain That's Two pops for a room of baby. Off the chain. He said off the chain. Oh fucking Christ. Guys, you take those off. I think it's two two Andrew Schultz's. Well, somebody has a problem with Andrew Schultz. I actually love Andrew Schultz. I know what you're talking about much.
Starting point is 00:05:26 There's a lot of hygiene going on on the pot because here's a deal, Virgy, and I'll tell you how to get you on it, you wanna start off hot? This is why I love your Virgy, you come and smoking. Yeah, well, you know what? I always said this, I said this on Jim and Sam the other day too. I'll never knock somebody's hustle
Starting point is 00:05:42 and I'll never knock somebody for putting food on the table But there's just certain things I see people doing and I'm just like I do like listen man How important are followers to you? I'm glad listen man. It's a famous important. Just a lot of people. I get it. I get it I don't condone it. I don't condone it is at the end of your fucking cycle at the end of your cycle Yeah, you'll be in a program of therapy and asking for forgiveness I don't condone it. Is it the end of your fucking cycle at the end of your cycle? Yeah, you'll be in a program of therapy and asking for forgiveness. You will be fine. Hey, man. I'm so I was that guy. Yeah. God, do you think God bless God speed? Yeah, it's your lift. That's what it is. It's
Starting point is 00:06:25 might be wrong. They might be a million if the rest of the days, but they're gonna one day have to look in the mirror. Oh, I had no spine. I really just, I fucking turned on everybody. I fucked everybody, because I wanted that money, and I was afraid of not making it. And I did whatever I had to do. What I stole, cheated, bag borrowed, sucked, fucked, whatever I had to do, I get to the the top and I never made it to the top I came close but I never when I fucking burned all those relationships and then they go to rehab and they say I fucked up
Starting point is 00:06:55 I was selfish and then they do a documentary on Netflix and they get more money and then people forgive them and there you go And then whatever they got blessed God speed God bless. Hey man whatever whatever Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. Wherever you want. Whatever you want. Let's get into something because I told you this on the phone And I just want to make it clear for the record Okay, I want to make it clear for the record because I talked a lot of shit and I talked a lot of shit on YKWD You in the studio on all right, you don't have to listen listen I'm doing it I've I've volunteered to do it and as I'm doing it you're doing that thing where you're going well good you should yes you should I'm agreeing with what you're saying I
Starting point is 00:07:33 mean you're saying all these true facts okay so go so I am in the YKWD studio I forgot who the other I'm gonna stop you right now real quick hood on a hood off no half-hards. What do you mean? It's over my ears, it's just for my ears. What are you talking about? What are you, what are you, what are you, put it on the top of your head.
Starting point is 00:07:52 We just trash people for fuck, yeah, there you go. That's the whole, no, I look like a dick. The other way you, you don't even know. I just ask people for doing things and then you go and do one of the things, a half-hard. Who no one does a half wood. First of all, it's from my ears, I was freezing. I'll be able to take it off in a second.
Starting point is 00:08:09 I got the heater on in here. All right, I was just trying to fuck, I don't want, okay. I mean, I'm trying to apologize. I'm trying to apologize. All right, so here's a thing. Here's a thing. Yes.
Starting point is 00:08:21 I was in the YKWD studio above the cellar and I forgot who the other guest was. Let's be honest, the other guest doesn't matter. I was probably the YKWD studio above the seller, and I forgot who the other guest was. Let's be honest, the other guest doesn't matter. I was probably more fun. I was more fun on the show. Now, I don't know even know who it was. Go ahead. Who was it?
Starting point is 00:08:34 Colin Quinn. Go ahead. No, it was a Colin Quinn. So I was up there, and you had mentioned that you and your family this year for Christmas, we're going to go to a Rub rubah and I gave you a bunch of shit. I said, dude, I said fuck that. I said, it's about snowman, it's about sleigh riding, it's about Santa, it's about the cold weather and blah, blah, blah, you can't do that, you can't do this and who goes to a tropical and I gave you a ton of shit. And you started saying, fuck that. You know, this and that.
Starting point is 00:09:07 And then you go there. I believe it was December 17th because we were going to smoke a cigar, we 19th, whatever. We're going to smoke a cigar one of those days and dude, Omicron hits this fucking region, really fucking hard. Okay. Everybody's sick. I didn't see my family for Christmas. I didn't see my family for New Year's. I turn on the fucking social media. Bobby's in a fucking floaty. And one of the most clearest water oceans I ever seen in my fucking life. His son is near him.
Starting point is 00:09:40 He's laughing. That he comes out and goes, Hey, you know what? I'm going to stay another week and I'm going, fuck me. I deserve all these things I'm seeing. I talked a lot of you, not only did you go and it looked great and it's something that I totally get why you did. You went in the greatest time, maybe in the history of it. I mean, there's a pandemic ravaging people and you're sitting there splashing around with a rubare and your son like, like, there's nothing happened, like it's pre-pandemic. So I talked shit and it came back to
Starting point is 00:10:11 bite me because I had to see you happy in a tropical island for that long. Yeah. I deserved it. I deserved it. And, and, and I apologize. You were right, sir. I, I would accept as a, as a man that hurt you coming up. Look, you're sweating. You hot now. Yeah. You're hot now, right? Uh, I feel, I feel, you know, yeah, the apology, I was wrong. It's tough for me. Yeah. I accept your apology. You're a man and you came clean, which is fucking great. I appreciate that. Now I want to tell you something that I said this yesterday on culture and Kelly, I haven't told anybody this. My wife and kid, we've been separated for five days.
Starting point is 00:10:52 They got tested positive on the way back. They got, they got, they got, they live, yeah, they got, they got COVID in Aruba. They got COVID the day before we leave and we all got tested max tested positive Dawn tested positive they have been in quarantine for five days I I actually flew home on Saturday negative. I found them a beautiful place to, you know, to quarantine. And it's, it's, I'll, actually, I'm going to give a plug to the place right now, because they were so fucking good. Her name is Carol. And it's an Airbnb out in Ruba. It's very fucking cheap, but if you get stuck out there, you gotta go to this Carol of Canada on Airbnb. It's, I mean, the place that they went to, thank God Ray hooked it up. The first place was, look like Oz.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Okay? I mean, literally look like Oz. Like a nice cell in Oz the second this place I sent them to They had the whole backyard their own pool pool table dartboard Dutch shuffle board. They had all these fun things to do They don't pull up her in the back They had TV they had a stove they have an oven the microwave I brought them 300 dollars worth of fucking groceries, anything they wanted, I got them and you know, they had some fucking
Starting point is 00:12:29 a Ruben-Versi dogs hanging around at pet. Oh, did you see the dogs? So, yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, I did, yeah, there was a bunch of them. But yeah, so they, yeah, it broke my heart too. I was fucking, I was, I mean I mean three over three weeks were there one of the best vacations I've ever had Santa Claus comes out on Christmas morning with around 15 chicks a Ruben broads dancing
Starting point is 00:12:57 Bing bong bong bong bong bong bong The little dude on the fucking half can think don't buy he's got a fucking glasses missing out of his fuck I think he's drunk almost fell on the fucking half can. Ding dong ba. He's got a fucking glasses missing out of his fuck. I think he's drunk. Almost fell on the pool. Max and his friend from Brazil, this duty met, I mean, it was epic Christmas. Then we came, we woke up in the morning, all the presents Santa came to Aruba
Starting point is 00:13:22 and left all the presents in the hotel room. I mean, we got the, I mean, yeah, that's a fake Santa, though. I mean, what do you think we do? We said, let's go to a rubah, but he doesn't hang there that morning, you know? But he didn't hang any. Look, that was the fake Santa, but the real Santa came at night. I mean, Max wrote a letter, put cookies out, put some carrots out for the reindeer. Cookies will go on milk was gone. Someone took a half a carrots out for the reindeer. Cookies were going, milk was gone.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Someone took a half a bite out of the carrot. One of the reindeer's, and presents were on the couch. That's the real Santa came at night. Okay. Came. He came, okay. Yeah. I mean, you know, little boy or girl goes on, you know,
Starting point is 00:14:01 forgotten, so he had to go. Yeah. He went, he went from Venezuela, and then over to us. And So he had to go, yeah. We went, he went, he went from Venezuela and then over to us. And then he had to go back to Columbia because he forgot some fucking tricks and admirals, right? So, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:14 You know how new years, I mean, dude, New Years was a, dude, I don't know. You thought your house was nuts. You know those boxes of fireworks you get, and you light them off and then you run. Dude, these people in a rubah, they get those boxes, we're eating dinner. God, just, the owner of the restaurant walks out
Starting point is 00:14:34 and puts it on the sidewalk and just lights it and walks away. Finging in right dude, behind us, eating. It's on my Instagram. Uh, uh, what a fucking nuts, Verzy. I mean, you know eating, it's on my Instagram. Uh, uh, uh over the bar. He's eight. Walk over the bar get a water. He disappears. What? So he does that. There's thousands of people on the beach, thousands, thousands of people on the beach. And I'm looking for my son. And I get three, two,
Starting point is 00:15:23 one, I'm like, Max, I'mus. And finally, we find them. I don't even yell at them though. I'm just like, when you lose your kid, dude, I was just glad you're back. Fuck it. Where was he? He did. Maximus, I'm telling you, dude, this fucking kid is like 14. He was at the bar, he went to one bar, they didn't have water, he walked over to the other one, then he was talking to a couple of people for New Year's. I never seen Donald Trump mad though, you know, Donald got mad.
Starting point is 00:15:57 I'll do the feeling of, I remember one time I was looking for my kid, they weren't there. And there's like, it's that thing where you know 90% maybe even 96, 98% you're gonna find them. But that little that lost doubt, that little doubt of if, oh my God, like where are they? Is the fucking, you know, like the heart just sinks, dude. It's good.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Dude, it's like, oh shit. My kids gonna be sold. My kids gonna be sold to some fucking Arab country, you know? Motion video. Yes, sir. Play that video. This is the, this is the on the sidewalk. We're at the restaurant.
Starting point is 00:16:43 This is on the sidewalk right behind us. Gotta play it. sidewalk. Dude, we're at the restaurant. This is on the sidewalk right behind us. Get a plate. Wow! We've got the box top. What's the box? Nice! Look at that fucking 7th floor to me. This is not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal.
Starting point is 00:17:12 It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. I'm going to a ruble one of these fucking days. Oh, this next day, play that next day. This is a meditator. What the fuck? The Pistor Pants.
Starting point is 00:17:47 No. Dude, that looks incredible. I fucked up, dude. I fucked up, man. Let me tell you something. Tradition, I love Christmas, Versey. I love Christmas. And you try to make me, you try to guilt me into staying with this, you gotta be cold, you gotta be,
Starting point is 00:18:17 you gotta be home, you gotta wake up with the tree. You don't, you gotta just, you just gotta, you gotta have the spirit. You can take just, you just got to, you got to have the spirit. You can take the Christmas spirit anywhere you want. And we get that to a rubah. And a lot of other people had the Christmas spirit. And you know, you know, and I did all day on Christmas. What swim?
Starting point is 00:18:38 I swam. I snorkeled. I went in the pool. Oh, God. We went, well, do we had a nice dinner that night on New Year's. How's the food? Good? Yeah, I probably gained all the weight I lost back Sorry, it'll go, you know, no, it's not all right. I can't feel my toes. Listen. I Oh, geez. Yeah, man, you did it right, dude. You did it right and, and Omacron, dude, everybody was texting everybody.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Hey, not seeing family. Hey, can't see anybody. I wish you good health, and then I would just go on my phone and see you floating. Just see you floating, laugh, and go, hey, you know what? And then he was, he was a real fucking kicker. You'd go, yeah, we're staying another week. And everybody, my everyone's tested positive in my house to say, all you gotta be for 10 days.
Starting point is 00:19:31 And I just see you splashing around. And I'm going, oh, dude, he did it right. We fucked up, you know, I'm at one point. Yeah. You could have went. You know how much my wife is telling me, how come you don't get that a rubat thing? I go, babe, I go, yeah, you know, it's work. you don't get that a rubat thing I go
Starting point is 00:19:45 babe I go yeah, you know, it's work. I don't want to work when I'm in a room But she goes I don't give a fuck if you're working Yeah, did let's at first of all it's not where it's 25 minutes and you're done It's 25 minutes that goes by like that you want you like fuck I want to stay crowds are off from Boston and New York a local right Dutch people and Yeah, crowds are off from Boston and New York or local, right? Dutch people. Yeah. And, uh, dude, you just go up your murder.
Starting point is 00:20:07 I was on a show, Brian McFadden, who is a fucking killer, right? And I'm on Gavin. Oh, Don Gavin's great legend. Dude, don Gavin, let me tell you something about that guy. I think I walks in and he's 70 something. I go up. I murder. I just go up and murder for 25 minutes up front. They wanted to separate us. They didn't want to have two Boston guys one after you, right? They put
Starting point is 00:20:34 on Brian McFadden. He goes up clean murders, right? And then Gavin walks up, I mean, slowas can be, gets up, sits the fuck down and slowly puts on a clinic. Oh, man. Fuckin' comedy. And you're like, wow, oh my God, this is, and then you look at the jokes and the timing and the holy shitness of it. And you're like, oh, this guy, this is where a lot of people get their shit from.
Starting point is 00:21:04 This is the guy. This is the fucking guy. He's the guy who, the timing and the set up punch tag. He's so good, he's so fucking good. He does it effortlessly and then walks off. All right, I'll see you guys later. Huh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Fucking leaves. Great, it was so, so, so as far as you work and do it It's not working dude. You're walking down your room at fucking 830 down the hall. I walked down the hall And I go on stage and then I'm done and I go smoke a fucking Cuban out by the pool Oh my God. Oh God. Look at that. I mean, the level of joy. Is that a whole? Is that a fucking whole? Oh God, damn, whole, you got me. Oh my God. That's my favorite cigar in the world. Yeah. What the fuck did I my book this? Here's a thing. I'll
Starting point is 00:21:56 go out there. I'll come back with two more fucking dogs. I'll fucking keep. I'll come back with two more Ruben dogs. Did you see? Now, I know you saw them at the people's house, but did you see the wild ones or no? Yeah, so wild ones. There weren't at the people's house. They just wild dogs. Where they were Max and, and Donald were quarantined.
Starting point is 00:22:16 Yeah. It was in a neighborhood. Like it was like, maybe a minute away from, half a mile or a mile away from the hotel. Right. But it was in the neighborhood. So it's weird. It's like these houses, you're in this neighborhood,
Starting point is 00:22:32 you see these houses and there's a nice one, a bad one, then there's a house with chickens and, you know, a fucking rooster. And then there's a house with a wall. But if you go on the other side of that wall, it's fucking, oh Jesus Jesus Christ hang on one second Hello Rosebud Hi, you're on my podcast with Paul Versey right now why key WD
Starting point is 00:22:58 Like that, oh, you're fucking stand up comedian. So I figured I'd pick it up. What's up? Well, is it in are you all right? Is everything okay? First of all, say hi to Paul. Hi Rosebud How you doing Paul good. How are you happy new year? Happy new year I Nothing's wrong. I was just calling to see if you were still on a beach somewhere. Did it bother you as a much of your bothered Paul? Yeah, every this is what's bugging me. Everybody was calling me going fuck you dude because I stayed in a rubuff for almost a month. Yeah they were right to do that. You were wrong. Why? How the fuck am I wrong? Why am I wrong? Because Bobby, it was selfish.
Starting point is 00:23:46 It was a selfish choice. You abandoned your city and your friends and you chose your family. And now we know where your loyalty lies. Yeah, with fucking my happiness. And let me tell you something. That's absurd. And here's the problem too, is that I was posting these pictures and every picture I put up,
Starting point is 00:24:07 I knew that one of you fuckers was looking at it going, fuck me. Well, you overdid it a little bit. You could have, after the first two, three, you could have been like, all right, but then every fucking time you did go a little hard. You went a little hard on us. Yeah. Yeah, you were, it was like, it was like watching someone fall in love with their family all over again
Starting point is 00:24:25 It was really upsetting for a lot of what What are you talking about? Oh, I love my kid. Oh, I love my kid. I love my kid. What do you want? I know I love my family I'm sorry that you don't you you're gonna have a kid someday you're gonna be in the same position I'm gonna have a kid cuz I found one on the sidewalk that's different Yeah, they're they're just walking around Yeah, watch what happened yeah, you'll go there and then you'll be posting pictures If verzy just apologized to me because of it, because he gave me shit. I don't want to get Christmas. Oh, there's, is that? Oh, yes,
Starting point is 00:25:12 sure. No, somebody's here to clean my window. Hi, sorry, clean your window. Well, the fuck has somebody to repair the window. I don't need a, I don't need a window repair. Sorry, Bobby. Yeah, this is, this is really riveting fucking podcasting right now you talking to some guy who first like oh god. Hello, I can't mute you. I'm mute. I'm bobby. You're the one that answered. I love how I muted her fucking hung up. Well, usually she has a little more to offer. She was on fire there. She was on a little roll. She got you juice up. You turned on me after.
Starting point is 00:25:47 No, no, because the one thing that she said that which I kind of is like, I definitely saw you splashing and having fun and I go, oh man, I was wrong. He's right. That's great. But then like a week and a half later, you kept going, how's it in New York? I mean, you just, you did go a little bit, you know, and I'd be honest with you. Yeah. I want to be honest, you know, my wife, and I told you, Max and Don got fucking, um, they got COVID. They got COVID and they got fucking quarantine. I really believe it's the universe going, hey, fuck face too much.
Starting point is 00:26:19 Too much. Too much. Yeah. Yes. Yes. There was a higher force going, you know what, Bobby, you didn't have to, you didn't have to dig the knife that deep. Okay, your initial stabbing was enough to kill and you just had to turn and turn and turn. That's what you did. I did want too many stories. I did. I feel like I did the right amount of main Instagrams. Yeah, I mean, it was a couple, you know, the New Year's, there was Christmas, there was the ostrich farm. I did a couple, I did like four. But the story is I think I stepped on it too much.
Starting point is 00:26:55 I think I fucked with the universe too much and I was too happy and I wasn't humble enough and the universe really stepped on my fucking toes. They really just kicked me in the nuts the last day of my vacation. So yeah, well, happy. You know, I always said this, anything over 20 Instagram segments, your a sociopath. If you go, I mean, you probably didn't have 20. You probably didn't have 20. Wait a minute. Why 20 over 20? You know those dots on the top?
Starting point is 00:27:27 The Instagram second sections. If you go over 20 or a sociopath, in my opinion, in my estimation, you can't go. Why is that though? I understand it. And I'm pretty sure I agree with it. Why is that? It's just, it's such self-indulging overkill.
Starting point is 00:27:46 It's so, it's just like, it goes from look at me to I'm the only person on earth and I'm gonna give you my whole fucking movie. How about my movie? You wanna movie from me in the next 24 hours? It's too fucking, listen, I get, promote and shows, I get if you buy something cool, I even get it, oh, look at this meal I I'm eating but after a certain amount
Starting point is 00:28:07 It's just like when you see what listen when your Instagram segment is a dot When they're dots on the top instead of little length long lines. Yeah, you're fucked up Yeah, I I I agree with you. It's too much That means somebody else is running your Instagram. There's no way that you are fucking his rose, buddy. Rose, but a rose. I hang on a second, cheese. Hello. Hello. Sorry, that was a guy who just came to my door asking to fix my window. Yeah, and you're in fucking New York. Why would you ever even consider that?
Starting point is 00:28:43 Yeah, I don't know. I thought, you know, the second I opened the door, I was like, well, I'm on the podcast. So if I'm murdered at least it'll do numbers for you. Before I would put it right behind the paywall. I was trying to help you out. Oh, thank you. The me of me and Versi would fucking just try to solve the case for the next three weeks. I'm gonna play that back. Play that back. You talk to me. Yeah. That's the hot podcast right now as those fucking murder crime mysteries. Yeah, I mean, that's, see, I'm just a good friend.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Yeah. And you know, what's fucked up about this is even if I was being murdered, it's just you complaining about how it's bad podcasting. You'd be like, this is, there's no momentum in it. Rosie, why are you? I mean, what the fuck do I talk to us? I mean, here's a deal, Rose.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Dude, I fucking answered and she got killed. What the fuck? I don't like either impression of what, I don't think they're even close. Second one. And I would never call you Rosie. like either impression of what I don't think they're even close. The second one. And I would never call you rosy. I don't know you alike you that much to call you rosy. You fucking love me.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Okay. Let's just get back. Get one thing free. You pick up the phone, bitch. She did. They're in a podcast. Yeah, she got a point there during a podcast. Well, I never talked you in a while. Yeah, she got a point there during a podcast. Well, I remember talking a while I thought you might need something
Starting point is 00:30:10 Sure sure sure sure you know Bobby likes you when you picked up the phone and goes hello Angry sounds like his worst enemy calling him I have ton issues rose bud and you know that I am working on my tone issues. I sound like I'm angry all the time. You've been saying that though since I first started doing your podcast, you've been saying that you're working on the issue and it's still working on it. I mean, how long though? At what point do you just throw your hands up and say it's just not going to get fixed? We'll close. We'll close. We'll close. We'll close it. to get fixed. We're closed. We're closed. We're closed. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:47 Fucking nine years. Did I'm working on it? What do you want? Yeah. When are you just going to go? This is me. This is who I am. I'm close. I told you that. I'm close to giving up on all this horse shit that I've doing. I'm close. Yeah. Rose, but he he passive aggressively snapped on me about the microphone at the beginning of this podcast. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Verzi's, I'm gonna, I gotta bone the pick with you, Verzi. Okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I gotta bone the pick with you.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Oh boy. Here we go. Verzi, now, Rose, but before you just take his side because you just flip flop in son of a bitch. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:31:40 Okay. Just give me a, I'm not about my finalistness, but go on. Verzi, you're a little bit of a fucking snob. Okay, just yeah, yeah, I'm not about my versi Listen, let's go on. Versi, you're a little bit of a fucking snob. No, oh,
Starting point is 00:31:50 in what sense? I'm gonna tell you this is your thing. Okay. I was in the road, but and he starts going, I got, ah, how's my mic? I get the best mic.
Starting point is 00:32:00 I bought the best mic. Joe, I was joking. But let me, I know you can say that now. Bobby, I always joke with you about equipment. I joke with you about equipment because you're nuts with equipment because you're the only person would zoom who you can shoot a fucking Chris 4k movie in and I joke with you about it.
Starting point is 00:32:17 Okay. Can I finish that? Can I finish my little thing? Because now, I mean, now you're joking. But the people weren't there watching Rose Buzz wasn't there. I have mush was there so we can go to mush at the end of my little statement. We'll see where he lies. Okay, but you were like the best Mike in the business. I just got to knew Mike and I'm like, well, you know, first of all Rose, but the Mike wasn't plugged in. He's telling me about the how the best Mike and then we go, hey, can you turn the best mic
Starting point is 00:32:46 in the world on? And then he goes, then he goes like this. He's one of those guys who has to read, like say aloud what he's reading, you know, like a shitty agent. All right, text them Wednesday. I never talk slow like that. It's not gonna get crazy. Out of the blue, he goes, audio.
Starting point is 00:33:07 We're like, whoa, chill the fuck out, stop screaming. And there's a great tone box. Am I good? Just say it in a head. Okay, let me just say this. Let me say this. Okay, Verzy, the reading allowed what you're texting is that is unpregivable. That is uh unprevailable. Absolutely unprevailable. That's got to stop
Starting point is 00:33:29 right yesterday, you know, but Bobby's only pissed because Bobby, like you said, is a fucking Ken Burns of Zoom and has everything fucking set up like's like, I'm the king of film. I'm the king of zoom. Yeah, well, you know, listen, I definitely understand the reading thing, but it was literally I, for one second, just go fucking audio as I was reading because I was doing it to get on the show
Starting point is 00:34:00 and be on time for you, Bobby. So I, that's not my, it's me. No, no, but my frustration was, let's get on the show and get this going. And I just yelled audio because I got pissed and you go, all right, dude, can you just think that instead of yelling it at me? You know, it was a little...
Starting point is 00:34:15 Who just yells audio? What the fuck? Half the claiming, I have the best mic in the business. I mean, I have the, dude, it's the best, and he said it like this the best Mike in the business. I am the, I am the dude, this is the best, and he said it like this, best Mike in the business. I got, I bought a new Mike, it's the best Mike he can get. And then he doesn't even have it on and then he screams on the interface.
Starting point is 00:34:36 No, no, oh, Rosebud, this is what you do. Rosebud, this is what you do. Anytime you buy a piece of new technology, make sure you text or call Bobby and just say, Bobby, I think this is the one level up from yours. And he will not be able to fucking deal with it. It's not true. He'll move to a robot. He called me up and said, dude, I can, hey, Bob, I got the new, I just got a new camera. I go, what one? It's a webcam. I go, boo. Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:35:06 What is it? Fucking 1987? Who has a webcam? Who uses a webcam? You literally have, you have fucking sound foam on your wall. Like you're in fucking, you're gonna do a new Beatles album. No, that's for the audio. Buddy, there's no, listen.
Starting point is 00:35:31 That sound stuff is only for fucking like music. No, my Fini has downfall and it's closet. Exactly, so Mike Fini is a, yeah, exactly. That, if Mike Fini has... Sí, exacto. Si el micfini tiene que ir, tienes que ir a la caja. Tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno.
Starting point is 00:36:00 Esta es la tres por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar todo el tres por uno en medianas, a a domicidios solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno, ah no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no En fin de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida, murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com ¡Es muy buena, Larry! ¡I was calling Bobby, because I wanted to ask your opinion, I was trying to come up with a tour name!
Starting point is 00:36:39 Yeah, I should... a tour name for you. Yeah, dummy. No, she was calling for your tour name for you. Yeah, dummy. No, she was calling for your tour name. She was gonna give you suggestions. I would call it not a tour. It's just shows. It's not, it is a tour.
Starting point is 00:36:55 How many gigs? It didn't feel powerful saying that with a donut in my mouth, but it is a tour. How many shows? I don't know. How many shows? You know how many shows? If it's under 20, it's not a tour. It's not under 20.
Starting point is 00:37:13 It's you have over 20 gigs. Yes, Bobby, I've been doing it. Where were you working, fucking out of the country? No, Jimmy. All right, stop saying dummy. All right, because, you know, I don't take kindly to that. Okay. Listen, listen, Rosebud. All right. So you're doing more than 20. So I would say that's a tool. I hate these comics that are doing, you know, they're doing 13 seniors. I'm not doing Pekitsi. I'm saying I'm doing a tour. While speaking of Pekipsi, I'm there next weekend.
Starting point is 00:37:48 It's called the Upper State New York tour. I'm in Saratoga and then Pekipsi. One weekend. Listen, the one weekend in Pekipsi tour. Verzy, what do we got? What do we, what do we call Rosebud's tour? Well, the name Rosebud is dope. So there's a lot of different there's a lot of different cool ways to go about it But it's you know, I don't know man
Starting point is 00:38:10 They got it if I had a if I had a day to think about I come up with the fuck the best one there was But I'm kidding you call me a snop. You see how fucking does it? No, no, no, no, no, I think I think that there's a lot of cool ways you could go with that name, but We'll spit one out And then say something What I came up with this is what I so I was thinking of calling it your mother's a tour Your mother's a tour I Brainstorm I'd brainstorm. I would brainstorm.
Starting point is 00:38:50 This is trying to be nice. Take my stomach. You're not as easy. You are. You're not as good as I know you too well. What? You're fucking heated right now with that name. No, no, no, I'm just saying there's a,
Starting point is 00:39:09 what's in the, what's in the, the, um, you guys are falling all over yourself, trying to, he's right, Bobby's right. What, I'm trying, I think your name, no, I'm, and I'm serious about this, all, like all joking aside, I think the name is really unique and cool. And I think something with that could be, I picture an actual picture on my name. Yeah, but in a cool way, maybe like or more with artwork with your name too.
Starting point is 00:39:44 I don't know. know your mother's a tour I would you hear me rolling my eyes right now. I wish there was a way For you to hear me rolling my eye Red and put Rosebud on it and put the tour down the sled Yeah, that's great. That's good. Rose, but what's real good? Just give me another one, the first one I get, but what's another one? That's the only one I can love.
Starting point is 00:40:11 You only have one fucking name? That's the only one I like. Why don't you call it the silly bitch tour? I like that too. How do you call it? I think, here's what I think, and you could shit all over this, but this is the image that just came to me.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Yeah. And I picture her standing there with expression of how, however the expression you look like in a head shop, but you sit there looking like a badass behind you is a dope illustration of like, you know, like a rose opening up and then as the petals are falling, dates of your tour are on each petal. You left me took her with her. Oh, you know what? Fuck them.
Starting point is 00:41:19 I'm trying to get creative. You know, you asked me for you know Listen you're I almost don't want to be friends with you Pedals should this I never said the pedals should fall. Oh god. I said I said you did you said the pedals will fall with each Toward it. I said it would open. No, I said the rose would be open. And as it was opened, when the petals are folded down, around fall. Yeah, but not falling on the ground. Like the rose is still together.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Where's my friend, Verzy? All right, fuck you. You know, I'm trying to, listen, listen. I'm just trying to help everybody. I'm trying to help. You know what, good luck with your mother's a tour. Go ahead Your mother's a tour, you know, I'm trying to help you rose, but you should call me rose, but not him call me Dude don't call him. I said silly bitch tour at least that's cool
Starting point is 00:42:19 He's talking about getting a flower He's talking about getting a flower that's literally open to a silly bitch tour. A fucking eight year old could come up with that on the fly. And now cut the silly bitch. There's that fucking. We're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're or there's too many comics that look cool all this, like everybody looks cool. I'm sick of it. I'm done. I'm done with this.
Starting point is 00:42:49 How about this? How about this? I have a great ass and I'm funny tour. Oh, that's good. How about this? How about this? I have shitty bands. I can be pretty and funny.
Starting point is 00:43:02 Yeah, that's a good one. That's what you're saying? Yeah, that's not, how. That's a good one. Yeah, that's not. How about this? How about this? I have bangs tore. And then write the dates on all the bangs. I'll let you cross your bangs.
Starting point is 00:43:14 That's stupid. You're stupid. Fucking Dutch painter boy fucking bangs that you have. Yeah. You really do. You look like every, every white guy in a room that I met. Shut up. I was like every baby in a, in the fucking ICU.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Jesus Christ. Uh, all right. Listen, I, I, I wonder my mush, mush is always good at this. What's the, how? I'll, Lou came up with a good one. The, you guys really don't like your mother's a tour. No, listen, Luke came up with a good Rose Buds thorny tour. No.
Starting point is 00:43:54 Now, how about getting your husband work tour? Oh, shit. Oh, yeah, that'd be good if I wanted to get a divorce. That would be... The other thought was the testing our marriage tour. How about... Jesus. How about...
Starting point is 00:44:13 Right. Rosebud Bang's tour. That's the worst thing I've ever heard. That'd be a good one if you were single. You know what? You guys hated my tour name, but everything is suggested sense just given me more confidence Oh, all right. What's the name of it again? Your mother's a tour
Starting point is 00:44:34 But why isn't about your mother? No, then why do you bring others up? I'd rather go with his Stevie Nick's flower thing with the pedals fall down The pedals were never full that's not true I'd rather go with his Stevie Nicks flower thing with the pedals fall down. The pedals were never fall. That's not true. That's not true. You would never go with that over your mother's a tour. What if the microphone? All right. What if the top of the microphones, the rose and the your squeeze in the thorns and blood is coming off your fucking wrist and you're looking at the camera going
Starting point is 00:45:07 I'm about to fuck it's gonna be a blood bat. What the fuck is she? Is she the lead center of the cult? Yeah, what if I just shoot my own wrist soap and But it's a real. Uh, Rose, Rose, but is there something that you like, is there like a common thing that you say a lot like like in between like jokes or like certain things you say on stage that like, you know, not like, not that you have like a phrase, but is there like a certain thing that you always say or you like, because you said before, I'm. It's the word um, I just say um, like what you said before. I'm sorry. It's the word um.
Starting point is 00:45:45 I just say um. Yeah. The um tour at the end of every joke. She goes, how's that grab you? That's the name of your tour. How's that grab? Like that one. You're the love the um tour.
Starting point is 00:46:01 Just that you guys didn't you guys weren't into that. But um, oh, fuck you. It's you guys tour. Yeah. Yeah. You guys think. I know we're last night tour. All right. Sorry. What was that? You real for you? What was that you real for you? You can't handle the truth, Thor. That's every tour name now. It's like, I'm so, I'm so edgy.
Starting point is 00:46:37 I just can't stand it. I hate all of it. It's funny to me that comics who have like three shows in a row will call it a tour. Well, listen, I, I'll put out 10 dates in like the first two months and say tour because more are coming though. I don't want to put everything for the year plus. Here's the other thing though. What if your, what if your agent goes, hey, I'm working on this, this and that.
Starting point is 00:47:01 You're going to get that next month, but I still have like six or seven other dates I want to plug. You could just say, tour dates, I guess. Anything over 10, I would say is a tour. Okay, and but stop. And you're actually working clubs. You're working, you're touring professional comedy clubs and venues, but you're at the fucking, when you're at shingles comedy,
Starting point is 00:47:24 well, again, you shouldn't put New York City. You shouldn't put unless unless on New York City comedy clubs giving you an hour night, you shouldn't you shouldn't put your spots. I would say that a private event at a golf course is not a tour. Okay, that's a road gig. Right. Okay, and especially when you're working with Brendan Sagalo it's not a tour okay yeah you don't get a poster you don't fucking make a poster for under four gigs all right this is at this point we got to just we got to say Fini and cannon like you got up but if you got a name name I'm not gonna name it. I'm just gonna say if you're if you're at a real clubs and it's over 10 That can be considered in your head and a legitimate headliner
Starting point is 00:48:19 That is a fucking pool. You can do a poster. You could do a t-shirt, a hood with, you could have merch for it. It's over. I get, but I get, I get why people are doing that because they've been doing, they're like doing comedy for fucking 15 years. No, no. This comic said I've been fucking doing it for eight, going, ham, going on tour. No, you're not, how about this? How about comics that I'm going on tour and it's not even the tour. It's the other guys. That's not yours. You're opening.
Starting point is 00:48:54 That would be funny if somebody was like the Bobby Kelly tour. It was your opener just making posters with you. On it. Bobby's face on it. Bobby's face is in the background. It's like, it's like you're transparent behind them. You're like, I'm going on tour. That, that is something I see a lot now. Yes. Fucking people calling featuring spots. They're tours. It's like, it's mind-boggling. Feats, the fucking millennial comics, the Gen Z, whatever the fuck they're called, are so out of touch with,
Starting point is 00:49:32 I mean, I guess that's just the new way of doing it though, but I didn't even call myself a comedian until I didn't have a day job. Like people would say, what do you do? I was like, I weigh tables and I do stand-up comedy. Until I was a full time, this is what I do. I make no money. I live in a shithole with Bill Burr, but I am a stand-up comedian because this is all I do. These people, they have fucking, they have like, like, you know, a hundred thousand dollar a year day jobs. They do comedy three nights a week at
Starting point is 00:50:05 open micers and they're like yeah i'm a standup comedian no you're not did i cannot imagine the uh the silent rage in an apartment with you and bill burr in it like just the the how quiet it would get before the yelling. I can't even imagine. Yeah, me and Bill, did you just put a yellow light on you, Versi? No, I just, the light, this is the same light I had, I've just switched it. I switched it in genres, like you haven't had a lemon. I know, I got to, I'm trying to figure out, is that better? That's gotta, yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:50:39 You can't fuck with the light when you have a yellow, big bird hoodie on. Well, sorry, I'm really fucking intrigued by you and Rosebud's fucking, you know, conversation about fucking tour dates and comics. I'm a fucking day job. This is fucking fantastic. Let I fucking walk up for this shit, getting out of fucking bed 11 a.m. Oh my God. Wow. Wow. Wow. He's really upset. I just, no, I'm not upset.
Starting point is 00:51:05 I'm actually, I'm actually trying to think of a name for your rosebud. I actually really want to, I want to think of a name for a rosebud. I want to help. Versus, I'm going to get a call from Yannis later. Why? What a virtue. What?
Starting point is 00:51:17 I think I have to hang up with you. Oh, Rosebud. No, no, no, no. No, I think you have to go. No, I, I, I crashed it. I'm sorry. Yeah, I, you know, no, no, no, no, I think you know, I I crashed it. I'm sorry. Yeah, you know, no, no, no, no, no, you said what you said, Paul, no, no, do you know, this is your rose, but I'll I'll I'll talk to you later, okay? Rose, but you call me later. I'll give you a name. We'll talk about the name, but I apologize, Rose, but this is my fault. I didn't know I love you both. I love you both I'll talk to you Rose, but I mean wow
Starting point is 00:51:51 What I mean I mean I did I mean you I mean whoa I Mean I'm sitting here trying to fix the light and you guys are going to get is you know if it's towards that tour if it's two dates But you fix the light the light was fine and you turned it yellow You got a yellow canary yellow fucking hoodie on. I'm just trying to make it so you don't look like a cartoon, okay? I'm trying to help you you look like you were dying Now you look better again, okay, all right All right, get her back on the phone. No, I don't want her back
Starting point is 00:52:23 I'm just joking. You got a little protect you got a little you got a little that that was real Versi what I was real admit that it was fucking real. That's all my boredom was real. Yes So was the people listen So the fans Hang up on this fucking hang up on this fucking this son of a bitch. Uh, I love what Bobby goes. I love what Bobby goes. Uh, all right, dude, you're on YKWD with so and so and so and so and so and the person just and you can feel them go have fuck. Well, you know, it's funny. My phone is hooked
Starting point is 00:53:04 up to this roadcaster thing and it just comes through crystal clear. So what are you gonna do? That was a nice little segment though. Listen. That was fun. I got a, I thought of you while I was on vacation. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:17 What'd you think of? I'm not of you. I mean, I wasn't thinking, I wasn't sitting there going, I'm never very, I wasn't thinking, you know, it's cheeks are so nice. I want to pinch them. You know what I mean? I love those of you. I mean, I wasn't thinking I wasn't sitting there going on. I remember Versey. I wasn't thinking you know, his cheeks are so nice. I want to pinch him. You know what I mean? I love his little nose. It's such a beautiful nose. I love you probably saw somebody in the water with a bald head and you just started thinking how much fun we have together. Well, no, well, in the place was a jewelry store in the hotel. And you know, it's a good place to buy jewelry because you don't have to pay the tax and shit on it.
Starting point is 00:53:46 You get cheaper. Yeah. Yeah. We can negotiate them down on gold and shit like that, right? I bought my son his first gold rope chain. Oh, shit. He, you know, he's in there and he's trying. First of all, he wanted a thousand dollar Miami fucking Cuban chain. I'm like, listen, chill out. That's fucking around a pound of gold. Yeah, yeah. You can't even hold your head up, kid. But I found a, I found a nice little rope chain,
Starting point is 00:54:17 uh, you know, for him that he liked and, uh, now we're talking. Let's go. Now we're fucking talking. Well, Dawn, you know, when I was a kid, I remember, I hung out with a lot of Italian kids in South Medifit, and a lot of them had nice, beautiful, these little beautiful change,
Starting point is 00:54:33 you know, a crucifix or a saint on a nothing, you know? And I remember I could never get one. My mother never got me, she could never afford it, whatever, it kind of, you know, just like one of those things. I always wanted a Frankie Pollock Castro had a leather jacket. And I remember I never could afford a leather jacket. Right.
Starting point is 00:54:53 I remember one time he was gonna give me his leather jacket, but he just never did it. It killed me. And then for years I wanted a leather jacket. So I was in my late 20s, could I afford a real yeah leather, like a holy shit leather, right? Yeah, and then Max was in the jewelry store and I was getting my wedding ring
Starting point is 00:55:14 because around, I don't know, I know, maybe 10 years ago I lost it in a rubah. It came off in the ocean. And he saw, he was like, I want to chain and don't was like, I go, I go, you know what? I thought of you. I was like, I'm fucking getting him a chain. Oh, that's great. And he wore it every night. He took it off, put it in the safe. That's great. Went out to dinner. I just, he would go in, he'd hit the safe button, and he'd fucking have a shirt, and everything nice and crisp,
Starting point is 00:55:46 and then he'd put his chain on, and go look in the mirror and go, all right, let's go. Dude, I'm getting emotional. Well, I'm getting fucking emotional. This is, this is, do you understand what that story just did for me? Well, do you understand what that just did when you said he put in,
Starting point is 00:56:02 and he was so fucking proud of, I'm getting, I got the chill. He hit the button and he fucking I could get the chills. He put the thing on. He was excited. His father bought him and listen, listen to me. He's never got he's like, look, look, I'm more Italian. You're getting me. You hear it? Listen to me. Listen to me. No, he's never going to forget that his father bought him that there. He's going to, he's going to grow up now. When he goes out or he goes on a date and he splashes a little cologne, he's going to put a chain on and it's going to be because his father bought him one in a rubah, okay?
Starting point is 00:56:37 And that is dude, I got to tell you something. My father, well, my father, you know, he had so much jewelry that when I got to a certain age, he would give me one when he was a teenager that he had you know, he had so much jewelry that when I got to a certain age, he would give me one when he was a teenager that he had in his, he would have it in the box. He would have it in a jewelry box. And then he would say, you know, if you want it, when you get older, you buy, or I'll buy you one,
Starting point is 00:56:55 or whatever, but I remember he gave me one, and I wore it for a long time. And I always remembered that that was the chain that my dad had, or my dad bought me one once a, you know, a small one like when I was little, like you just did for your son, dude, that's epic shit, man. Yeah, I think so, don't like,
Starting point is 00:57:12 Bobby, I go listen, and then about that, I go, it's about a memory, you know, it's about him remembering, he looks down at that chain, right? And of course, you know, I set my wife down, I negotiated with the guy, and then my wife, that's why I loved Don. I was gonna get a stainless steel,
Starting point is 00:57:34 no, a silver ring. The guy was like, I have this in white gold for this much. I have it in silver, I'll make the exact same thing in silver for this much. And I was like, all right, cool. I'll go back and told my wife, I go, listen, I want you to go down, get max is chained and get me that ring. You, I go, you pick. She goes, you're not getting silver. I'm gonna watch. If you're gonna get it, just get the white guy. I don't want you wearing silver. I go, but silver. She goes, no, she went back,
Starting point is 00:58:02 but I didn't know her intention. She came back with a ring on her finger too, by the way. But she's right. See, that's how you know, let me just tell you something too. I'll tell you another thing about you and your wife. Can I just say something? I'm good at electronics and she microphones and lights and shit. Yeah, yeah. And this is what you're good at.
Starting point is 00:58:19 Yes. All right, this is your forte and this is what I'm bringing it to you. And I'm gonna lay back, I'm gonna lay back and I'm gonna let you do your thing Now just know that I I know okay, I know I appreciate that listen to me This is why you your wife and you want to know something you and your wife are great fucking parents and you got class You don't fucking get silver. What do you you get silver on your ring? You get fucking divorced in two days.
Starting point is 00:58:45 You get, it's gotta be white gold minimum. And, but the fact that your wife said to you, the fact that Dawn said to you, no, no, no, you're not getting that and do that, she just does it right. You guys are crushing it as parents with this kid and this kid's rocking a rope gold chain, which I'm excited about.
Starting point is 00:59:03 I'm excited that your son is walking around like that. You know what I mean? And let's be honest, the kids Italian. The kids Italian, your son's Italian. I would say he's Italian, yes, he's Italian Irish. Whatever I think he took, I'm Italian Irish. Yeah, he's a mix. She's like, what's Dawn Italian? She's got American Indian.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Okay. If you look at my wife, she does, she looks like the chick on the butter. But, but Italian too? She's, no, she's got a little, she got like Canadian, she's got Polish. I mean, if you didn't get any of that, thank God. He didn't get any of that. He did get a big head that whether be fucking head. Was he psyched? Was he psyched anybody? He's there. I mean, you couldn't get it through a fucking window.
Starting point is 00:59:51 That head. I mean, she's got that fucking, you can, you can build a house with her fucking head. Yeah. Does your son, when your son was walking around a ruboo with the chain on it? Now let me ask you a question because I think jewelry can do this for people. Sometimes the way that sneakers can, when ask you a question, because I think jewelry can do this for people sometimes, the way that sneakers can. When he was walking around, was there a little more pep in his step?
Starting point is 01:00:09 Was there a little fucking extra giddy up? Don, me and Don were sitting down and she went, look at him and everyone went, he goes, he's got a cool walk. Yeah. He's got a walk when he's at the pool, you know, like a little shuffle. Yep, shuffle. Yep. But he's got it, he he's at the pool, you know, like a little shuffle. Yep, shuffle.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Yep. But he's got it. He changes his walk, brother. I'm looking and he's got a fucking, he's got a thing. Yeah. He's got a thing. He, I told you, I showed the thing on Caltor and Kelly yesterday.
Starting point is 01:00:38 I don't know if much still has that photo. Dude, I looked over at the, I'm telling you, I go, Wiz Maxx, he's over at the bar with three girls buying him Virgin P and a colatus look at this fucking my That is the greatest can you zoom in on him? Please tell me is he giving me a hand is he giving a hand sign? He's like peace. It's just kid giving a peace sign at a bar next to two women with a chain on oh
Starting point is 01:01:02 He the chain he wouldn't wear in the pool because he didn't want to lose it. This kid, he take the chain off every night, put it in the bag, put it back in the safe and hit the button. This kid is sitting in a fucking cantina bar with two older women, two older girls with his fucking peace sign up. Oh my god, this kid. Oh yeah, see, this is the thing, man. For for me, it was like if the fresh, especially like on stage, right? If I go on stage and the Jordans are out of the box, and I'm just geared to, and I'm good, there's something that happens and it's like the chain is a super power. So you
Starting point is 01:01:38 just feel, so you gave him that confidence, dude. You gave him that confidence and girls are gonna see that man. Girls are gonna see a young kid in grade school, rockin' a chain. I'm gonna say he's eight. Let's set up. I don't want, I don't know if I want him fucking get in ditty. You know what I mean? What would you do? What would you do if he's like, dad, I just came with a teacher,
Starting point is 01:01:58 was like, I'd be so weird towards me. I'd be so weird. Listen, the one thing, and this is serious. I was sexually abused dude. Whoa The fuck just what just happened What the fuck just out we were rolling with happiness I Mean we Mike I mean what the fuck we were
Starting point is 01:02:23 Everything it was chain. Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, can I just can I just some we were Chains and girls and oh my god, he's got a pep in his step and you just go listen. Yeah, I was sexually I mean, what the fuck, dude? Is that Ruth but's new to her name? What the fuck just happened. I was so fucking happy. We were, I mean, it was chains and girls and and cologne and a pep in your step in confidence. I mean, I'm sorry, it happened to you. Sorry, I'm sorry, but Rose my bigger I was sexually abused Buddy listen what I'm saying is without getting too detailed. Yeah. Oh shit, dude, that could be laugh. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:28 You think we laugh, kid? Dude, without getting too detailed, is that, yeah, I don't want my kid doesn't know. You know, I'm gonna teach him about sex when he needs to know about sex, but he's, he's like, you know, he's not going to go through the same shit that I went through in the fucking early 80s, 70s, you know, late 70s when parents never talked about sex. Parents who just learn from your friends and, you know, you know, I, I don't, you know,
Starting point is 01:03:59 any, he's not going to be, he's not, I am going to do my best and Dawn to teach him what he needs to know when he needs to know it But we keep him away from all that shit. I'm not he doesn't he does not allow it His iPad was gone the whole time didn't use his iPad three weeks You know, you know, I did that Now how'd you pull that off and broke it the first day? You broke it I snapped a screen on purpose. Yeah, fucking is the hundred bucks I'll get another one when he when he comes back just took just for a for a lesson Now fucking it up broken. We can't use it. He didn't use it. He didn't fucking use it
Starting point is 01:04:39 But he he was out playing all day doing shit all day having fun and It even miss it didn't even miss it. Didn't even fucking miss it. Dude, that's... Dude, you know what's amazing too, man? And like, not to get sentimental and get serious, but let's be honest, you fucking started that fucking. You got out, that was you, because we were doing this shit. But in all seriousness, the shit that happened to you growing up,
Starting point is 01:05:06 you went the other way where you were like, no, no, no, no, because what happens is, and this is bullshit and sad, but when people grow up and shit's a bad situation, they do one or two things. They either put their kid in that same situation, they're in a selfish shitty way. They're like, well, this is how it is.
Starting point is 01:05:22 So it sucked and it was awful for me. So now it's gonna suck and be awful for you or you fucking be epic parents, which you guys are and it's really fucking awesome to see that shit, dude. And I wanna do that with our kids too, because our kids are real dependent man on devices. Like when we go out, they get bored like this and then they fight about, well, he's got a phone.
Starting point is 01:05:43 So how come I can't have a phone? She's got a phone and it's like you know what phones down give us the phones we're gonna go to dinner and talk as a family you know what I mean so the fact that you did that is is really I mean you cost yourself a hundred but that's working. It was worth it it was worth it it was worth it and you know we do the same thing at dinner we have dinner every night when we're home and there's not you get you can either listen to a record or you can listen to music on the Amazon thing. That's it. We go out there, but hey, listen, there was a couple nights we got to be like, you know, all right, let's have some me and
Starting point is 01:06:19 dawn time. And here's here's dawn's phone. You can fuck around and play some games on the phone at the restaurant. You know what I mean? Cause look, but we went to dinner one night. There was this really nice family that went to the shows last year and they came this year and the year before. And I know them and they were like,
Starting point is 01:06:39 we'd like to take an older couple from Jersey. You know, guy owns his business. Really, man's man, him and his wife, they're older. And they took us out to dinner. They wanted to take us to dinner. And I was like, Max, we're going to dinner at a really nice restaurant
Starting point is 01:06:54 and we're guests to these people. I need you to be as much of a gentleman as you can be. And the kid was great, took his napkin out, put it on his lap, didn't complain, didn't have to be on a phone, fucked sat there, but you can see, you know, towards the end of the day is like, dude, I got fucking 15 minutes left in me, and I'm gonna go psycho kid on you. So let's wrap this dinner. Yeah, dude, a bunch of, let me ask you this stuff, a bunch of things when you were your kid, right? a bunch of, let me ask you this stuff, a bunch of things when you eat your kid, right? Like, he learned, he, it's always a teachable thing. There's always these teachable moments
Starting point is 01:07:31 with your son. If you're being a good parent, you're going to make mistakes. Like, I made a few mistakes this trip. Don did too. We, you know, we called each other out on them here and, you know, apologized for a couple of things. And he actually learned a bunch of shit this trip. A lot of things he learned this trip. Like it was it, like you just go on vacation and everything's fine and there's no, like he's constantly learning shit from us.
Starting point is 01:08:01 Like with each and him how to be. You know, you know, throw balls in a hotel room. This isn't your, right. Well, like, you know, there's somebody else, you know, just a bunch of little things that you teach the kid. Do you, I mean, do you find that too when you go away? Yeah, like, dude, like I get upset, man, because sometimes when the kids are just like you just said, my kids 15 minutes away from going psycho kid, when our kids start misbehaving in restaurants, I'll just go guys, like what are you,
Starting point is 01:08:30 like what are you doing there? It's people here watching and then they kind of get like, like they get it, but they're just so, they're so bored and a lot of it's our fault, man. Me and Stacey will always say like the, it's your fault, it's my fault because I'll give you the phone. And sometimes when I'm trying to get something done or they wanna do something, I'm like, yeah, go in,
Starting point is 01:08:49 but then they think that that's what it always should be. But I'll tell you, here's the life lessons that I did and I'll share this on your show, dude, because this was a heavy thing that happened and when I told somebody they were like, wow, man, my son and daughter go at each other. You know that, I told you, I don't know, but it's like my son has a thing where they have this thing
Starting point is 01:09:09 where if she does it, I do it, it's not fair, it's not fair. And I'm like, well, buddy, first of all, it's different because you're three years older, okay? You're three years older and she looks up to you. So she's gonna want, no, but it's still not, so anyway, long story short, he called her a name. He called her a fucking name, You shouldn't have called her. What's in it?
Starting point is 01:09:26 And I said, Did you just look at name was a rhyme? Like what? No, he said, he said it in a way not at her, but he kind of said, like he said shut up and he kind of used a B word, like the bitch word, but like not directed at her, but in a way where it was clear that that's what he was doing.
Starting point is 01:09:42 Yeah. And they were fighting, you know, and their little kids, and I said to him, and dude, it fucking, because I said, me ask you something. I said, if your sister think that that's all right to hear that from you, what do you think's gonna happen when she's got some boyfriend?
Starting point is 01:09:57 Is it gonna be okay when some boyfriend down the road calls her that, and she thinks it's acceptable to be told those things? And because, and dude, he fucking, because if it's acceptable to be to be told those things and because and dude he fucking because I go because if it's me that finds I'm gonna kill fucking everybody that's what's gonna happen if it's me everybody's fucking dead and I'm I'll lose everything I lose my career somebody hurts touches my daughter says
Starting point is 01:10:16 things my daughter it's gonna be a great so I said so it needs to be you buddy I said you're the protector of her and it needs to be you and if you say things to your sister, I mean, I was getting heavy on a fucking, you know, a fucking two little kids, you know. I said, they're like a grade school, but I wanted it to be like, she can't think it's okay to hear that
Starting point is 01:10:36 because if you're her hero, and she looks up to you and loves you, then some fucking other asshole's gonna say, and I said that can't, and I said, I need you to think about that And I saw him I saw it register and I saw that and it was a lesson that I felt bad to get so heavy on two little kids But he's old enough to understand what I he was old enough to understand and I didn't do it in some crazy Way I just did it in a way of like if somebody else said that would you like if somebody said that to your sister? And I think that that's what he registered, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:11:08 Yeah. Yeah, it's good. That's good. Do listen, man. It's all, it's like, it sucks. Because it's not like you can be an expert parent, you know, unless you had fucking eight kids. Right. Yeah, it's, listen, we're going to make mistakes, dude. We're going to make mistakes where we're comics. You know, I did things I regret as a parent, dude. I remember, I'd have my son three years old and I would fuck, I was so tired from doing gigs the other night. I would just fucking put a blockade around the bed of pillows so he couldn't get used to, you know, I'd lock the door and I fucking put his shows on. I've taken that. You know what I mean? I'll fucking sleep. This is scary thing because I remember Dawn left me with Max when he was a little kid.
Starting point is 01:11:52 And you can't nap because the kid will die. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I remember I remember doing the same thing. I think I he was lying on the couch. I was on the couch and I tied a little like a little piece of cloth through his wrist on his other side. So if he moved, it would wake me up. I was like, dude, I got a, I can't do this. I don't know that woman gene that just keeps you up like a Navy seal until the kid goes to bed. I'm too used to fucking napping. I napped. I'm a na, I'm a big baby. So yeah, yeah. Anyways, all right, we gotta go, we're gonna go to the overtime thing.
Starting point is 01:12:30 That is the regular show. We go to the overtime for a couple minutes here to Patreon only. We had to do from the studio, not in the studio today. We had to do from Zoom or streaming out, I mean, which I love. I'm fine with. Nobody wants to get COVID.
Starting point is 01:12:49 Nobody can ride into that fucking hell of a city where it's. Dude, by the way, man, I went to the stand after taking the month. I went down to the city. I did a spot at the stand after taking December off. Dude, I parked my car, Bobby. I got out of my car. It was like I was in a fucking Hollywood movie set
Starting point is 01:13:05 It was a fucking ghost town, man It was it was and then I went in there and like it was just it's it's dude The fact that this is happening again is wild. Hey, can I ask you real quick before we wrap up the regular YKWD Of course, we're going to patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly for the extras the things we're gonna be talking about We're gonna be talking about Bob Sagitt's death. We're going to be talking about the Patent Halls wall, Chipel shit and a few other things, the comedy awards that were given out. May we'll go over a couple, let people know if we agree or disagree.
Starting point is 01:13:38 But that's going to be a Patreon.com. But right now, what did you get, what you wanted for Christmas? I did. I got everything I wanted. I get? What you wanted for Christmas? I did. I got everything I wanted. I got everything that I wanted for Christmas. Everything I asked for and my wife killed it this year so much because usually I'm the better. I mean, I do it better.
Starting point is 01:13:53 You know what I mean? Like I get the gift, I'm the best gift. Cause here's the thing about me of Christmas. I like giving better than receiving. And I really do. Like if I get the two or three things I wanted, whether like let's say I wanted a pair of sneakers and a jacket, if I get the two or three things I wanted, whether like, let's say I wanted a pair of sneakers and a jacket, if I get the pair of sneakers and a jacket,
Starting point is 01:14:08 I'm done, but I like to, for my wife, I like to go. I like to get her either a trip, a concert, I like to see her reaction. I really like to do that shit. But this year I said there was a few things I needed that I wanted and she got every fucking one of them. What was it? I want-
Starting point is 01:14:24 I want- What's the, I have have? We all have we have a big gift and then a bunch of the gifts, right? Right. There's like a big gift like this is the motherfucker and then a bunch of other gifts. What was your what do you have? I needed stuff like this year. I needed another this year. I needed another winter coat, but a winter coat that you go out to like a nice place with. Like a, like a, like a, I guess you could say kind of like a pea coat, but just more of like a nice, if we're gonna go out. So I needed that. I needed boots for, I needed like snow boots, like either whether it be timber
Starting point is 01:14:56 lins or something because I don't have them. So I would literally be going out in the snow and fucking Jordans or, or, or, or, or, or Air Force ones like an asshole. So I needed that. So she got me a nice pair of Timberlens. She got me a, oh, you know what? She got me. I told you, I punched my TV, right?
Starting point is 01:15:10 I told you that. Oh, no, I got to get into that too. She got me an Oculus and I was in a boxing match and it was so fucking realistic and I was in the middle of a fucking arena and I was fighting this dude and I fucking jumped and I jumped and I punched through my fucking 70 inch TV And we had to get another one. So it was realistic. I was watching your video where you would explain
Starting point is 01:15:33 First of all, your video bugged me. What you're explaining you explaining people what Oculus is Which it's fucking old technology Everybody in the world knows what is except for you and Billy Burr. Okay. Well, it's Oculus 2 Quest. It's the same thing. It's just a faster processor. Okay.
Starting point is 01:15:54 Not different technology. I've had Oculus for fucking four years. But you're going, what it is, and it infuriated me. Other people are like, oh, cool. I don't know. But for me, that's like explaining the internet what happens I was like the fuck up for the And then you but I know the boxing game you're talking about because max smashed his knuckles because he was fighting in the living room
Starting point is 01:16:22 And he punched he didn't punch a TV punch the TV stand and in the living room and he punched, he didn't punch a TV, he punched the TV stand and smashed the Oculus handle and then hurt his hand. Yes, the video was fucking hilarious. But I would give anything, I would give this ring to somebody. If I had video of you boxing and smashing just 70 inches. Dude, my mother-in-law punched my dog in the face because doing the fucking lightsaber game because you're going like this and my dog freaked out going like why is this person doing this Though he went close and she just fucking clipped his head. I mean you got a watch like I want to like dedicate my like 3D to my garage for it, but You know you can you can take that in the backyard after sunset. You can't take it out at sunset If you I'm in the sun's out if you take the Oculus outside when the sun's out you burn it you kill it. It's dead
Starting point is 01:17:12 Oh, wow after the sunsets I Did this you can take it outside? Yeah, and you can make you know you have to draw the Dudes, I did an actual like a tennis court in my backyard and I played tennis like I was really playing tennis. Like I was running back and forth. At night? No, well, it was like dusk. You know, in the summer, the sun goes down,
Starting point is 01:17:40 but you still have like an hour and a half to hour. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I did that. And you can play in your backyard. You can make a huge square and just play in that square. So you can world your end, dude. Yeah. So fucking big.
Starting point is 01:17:56 You don't hit the, the, the, the walls of it. Dude, that's awesome, man. I, I did the World War I game. And I did the World War I game. And I did the World War I game, and I almost got nauseous. I was in a World War I fighter, and you could do the realistic one, where you actually, where you get the handle to take off
Starting point is 01:18:16 and do that, and I went up in the air, and I looked down, and there was the ocean and everything. And my wife was sitting next to me, and I had to take the thing I almost threw up. I got motion sickness from it. Did you do the plank? No, but after I punched the TV, somebody sent me the video of a guy walking on a real two-by-four and then he jumped through his television.
Starting point is 01:18:38 Oh, dude. No, he jumped through it. Hey, can you find that, Mike? You could find if I got a show Bobby this. It's a guy is walking on a two by four in his living room, the plank game. And then he jumped through his television. He jumped headfirst into his television like he was jumping from the plank onto something else. I don't know if you could find it, but dude, it was hilarious. Dude, I, I, we did that on my kid WD. I brought it in and I felt bad because
Starting point is 01:19:07 I want to mush was walking the plank and I pushed him off the plank and he went into the wall. I felt like terrible. I was too much. I know it's too much. But yeah, the Oculus is fucking nuts. And here's the thing that they're going to do with it, that Facebook is going to make it so that me and you, right? Instead of going to the cigar bar, we'll just go into our room and fucking, you know, with the, you know, zip out a fucking area, sit down, be a cigar, and you have your little character, and I'll meet you and we'll hang out and smoke cigars in the metaverse. No, what I was wondering is if we can go into the movie theater, we can watch a movie. Yes.
Starting point is 01:19:51 So we can go into a movie theater. Yes. Yes. That's right here, Bobby. Watch this. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it really is like the boxing thing freaked me out, man, because I was standing in the middle and I'm looking around like I'm in an arena, dude. And like, then what happened was it spun me around. I was fighting the guy spun me around and I wasn't punching hard enough.
Starting point is 01:20:19 So the thing goes, it stopped and it goes for better effect. You got a really punch and lean forward and then I fuck it and I got mad. So then I went and I punched my television and it just out. 72, it was over a $2,000 punch. Oh my God, that's great. I mean it's bad. I wish you had video of that. That's fucking fantastic. I'm telling you, Facebook bought Oculus. I yelled at my kids. I go, how come you didn't tell me I was near because my son was on the couch. And I'm telling you, Facebook bought Oculus. I yelled at my kids. I go, how come you didn't tell me I was near because my son was on the couch. And I'm like, you blame people.
Starting point is 01:20:49 And I go, I just go, how come you didn't tell me and he goes, dad, right? When I was, I didn't like, yell, but I go, he go, I go, did you guys see me? He goes, dad, right? When I told you you're getting close to the TV, you punched it. You're Mikey.
Starting point is 01:21:01 Is this Mike failing or is that me? What? No, I'm kidding, you're fine. You're fine. Why is this Mike failing or is that me? What? No, I'm kidding you find you Dude don't let I'm gonna say this do not ever watch VR porn Please no, I wait why there's a you can't do it verse. Why don't do it listen to me. No, but can you tell me why? Because it's it's it's it's like crack It's like crack. It's like crack. It's like you're she's right there going hey I mean she's in your face and you can look around in her kitchen and
Starting point is 01:21:35 it's nuts. What are you looking at her fucking utensils? And these cabinets, listen, I'm telling you, do not, just don't do. No, I wouldn't do that. Don't do it. Well, it's on there though. Yeah, yes, it's on there. Like an option? Yeah, you just go to the browser and type in VR porn,
Starting point is 01:21:59 and then all this VR porn, you just click on it, and it's in VR. How could people do that with like kids and other family members putting the Oculus on? What do you mean putting it on? You just delete it when you're done. Oh, you know what I mean? You clear the browser history.
Starting point is 01:22:20 It doesn't come up. I mean, you know, like if you took it up, like say a comic took his VR with him on the road And in the hotel room He put it on and Yeah, dude, that's weird. I don't want to look fucking Robocop whacking off in a fucking I've done a lot of weird things I did one time I got so lazy jerking off in the road
Starting point is 01:22:43 I brought I bought a mini projector and I just shot it on the ceiling off of my phone. So I didn't have to fucking, so I didn't have to hold the phone up. The ceiling is a hundred inch porn on the ceiling of the hotel. I listen, Paul Versey, you know what's your effect?
Starting point is 01:23:01 Is how, man, you gotta check out his podcast. Go see him live Just fucking his his flower petals are falling or that's coming out Tell everybody what you got talked everybody. Yeah, man. I'm just I'm working the special is out the special is in the can It'll be out by March so right now I'm running around doing working on new stuff But also working putting some of the special out there too So I'll be in I'll be in Austin, Texas. I'll be in Tampa at side splitters I'll be at the comedy connection and Providence. I'll be in Fairfield, Connecticut
Starting point is 01:23:34 A bunch of stuff coming out. We called it the reasonable tour because it's something that I said on a podcast, but More dates are coming guys. I'm gonna be going to Pittsburgh, February 24th, I'll be in Pittsburgh, looks like Buffalo, they're working on Buffalo right now. So a lot of dates go to PaulVersi.com, check out the Versi Effect podcast, co-host anything better with Bill Burr, check out my YouTube channel guys.
Starting point is 01:23:58 I'm always putting new content on my new YouTube channel. So, and I love being on YKWD, Bobby. Thanks for having me. Are you doing a Patreon? Are you doing a Patreon now with me? Or now? I'm gonna do the Patreon right now. I'm gonna be talking about this.
Starting point is 01:24:11 What the fuck, what is this about? What is this? Oh yeah, yeah. All right, listen, Mike Vistora's, make sure you add Mike Vistora's, check him out, make sure you check out Nicole. What is your fucking, what is your thing Nicole? Nicole C lions on Instagram.
Starting point is 01:24:28 Calls. Calls. Lions and make sure to comic wearables.com. Get all your YKWD gear and you have a code. If you use code word ladybug, you get it right now. I think this free shipping available. Look at that hat. We got the winter beanie.
Starting point is 01:24:44 We got the other beanie. We got the other beanie. We got the Skankfest logo. Beanie's are in. We got all this shit going on. Look at that. There it is right there. The skull, the YKDB skull patch. You guys want that stuff?
Starting point is 01:24:55 The not you shirt, the hoodies. We got it all in. Use code with ladybugs at comicwearables.com. Get your gear now. Get 20% off. If you're a fan of my podcast bang right there. And make sure you go to my website, robbercaliolive.com.
Starting point is 01:25:11 I'm at Pekipsi next week, point pleasant the week after that. Sarah Toga springs. Excuse me, the week after that. And then I'm doing a tour. Today I'm announcing a tour. I don't let you guys know this tour. It's me, Ari Shafir. It's not a tour. It's a show. Me, Ari Shafir and Big J. Graham Rapids, the 25th, 325, 22 will be there and Detroit, 326. So the 26, the 26th and the 26th, me, Big J, and Ari Shafir are gonna be
Starting point is 01:25:48 gonna be doing a show. Presale goes on today until Thursday at 10 p.m. Use code word Rogan. I'll be putting this links up on my Instagram and everywhere, Ari's putting up Big J's putting it up. You're gonna use the code word Rogan to get the best seats. Once those seats are done, and after Thursday, it's all access. So you're not going to be able to get the seat you want. So check it out. We'll see you guys next week patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now to keep going with us. So there
Starting point is 01:26:20 you go. Back. Stick around. It's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber kelly. See you there. All right, listen, man. Here we go right here. These are the names. Moooo. Pat Nos will just tweeted something. Woo, we, him, that whole fucking thing. Jesus Christ. All these alternative comics, all these woke comedians that fucking set the law, can't say this, can't do that. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 01:26:53 Now it's all coming back to vitamin the fucking ass because they realize that we're comics. We're not actors. You guys are fucking assholes. Seth Rogan, you made a fucking movie about how shitty Christmas was and released it at Christmas. Yeah, people didn't like it.
Starting point is 01:27:10 Your movie stunk, shut the fuck up. It's not to do it fucking. It has nothing to do with racism or white supremacy. Everybody loves Jews. Everybody likes, it's your movie sucked. And nobody wants to watch a downer at Christmas. Christmas is when all the people that believe in Santa Claus or that's their part of their thing. What movie are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:27:33 Well, fucking animation movie. Maybe that HBO Max Santa Claus series. Oh, just trashin. Oh, because Santa Claus is a white male and that's it's go. Well, I said that. I said that's coming next. that's, it's go, fine. No, I said that. I said that's coming next. You know what's coming next?
Starting point is 01:27:48 Mark my words, they're gonna say Santa's a woman or a woman Santa Claus. We're not in that. They didn't that. Sarasovim and there's something that became Santa Claus. I didn't even watch it. I just watched clips of it and people being mad at it.
Starting point is 01:28:01 And I get, it's like, yeah dude, you made a shitty movie that nobody wants to watch at Christmas. We've just been through fucking hell and and all we want to do is sit around a tree, have some egg nog, open some gifts and love each other and you're going to come out and stick some fucking women white guy suck Santa's fake fuck yourselves. Oh fuck that dude. Don't get me angry. I already Yeah, you know what you released it at the wrong time. Don't happy. You're fucking on there. They're unhappy. Release that shit in June. You might have had a shot. You know, fuck it. Release that. A fuck Santa movie during Christmas during a fucking third year in a pandemic. By the
Starting point is 01:28:43 way, how much would it suck if Santa was a woman? She'd get you gifts she thought you needed. Fuck that. You know, guys, that's for a fucking skateboard. I don't need a fucking closet organized. Yeah, more even if. Yeah, exactly. It'd be socks and scarves and fucking horseshit
Starting point is 01:28:58 for a month. Yeah, she's for a fucking dirt bike. The real Santa would have got it for me. What the fuck are you giving me? A kitchen cleaner. You're right. For you, fuck exactly. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 01:29:09 Kyle Kimball, Kalimoleus Cook, Colton Fucking Colton, dear root-nance, knob Ross, Robert Berrington, Ari Hussein, manchild 73, Adam Wilk, Cody Nusengwagawanda, the top 30 dupu dupu poo Zach Ross
Starting point is 01:29:30 Relax with this shut off. Oh, fuck me. Come on. Come on. Stop. What the fuck? Anyway, Eric Stevens Bells you motherfucker Tim Allen Assad patty mouth you motherfucker Tim Allen Assad patty mouth mage on the grind Gavin back in Tom's Larry I just lost the fucking thing take over with me I can't see it go Edison Steve in Rosario D he's fucking small dude to D course Nick Wes God. Well, the fuck are we much? Dylan Cantor. Uh, uh, Dell, Dill,
Starting point is 01:30:10 Dazzo, Jess Luke, Jesse Lucas. Yes. Uh, Brent Turner, Michael Henry. Yeah. Uh, Vendoll, Venge. Oh, Venge. Wedge, I'm sorry, Wedge. See, see, see, Veg. Oh. Oh, Veg. Veg, I'm sorry, Veg.
Starting point is 01:30:25 I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you.
Starting point is 01:30:32 I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you.
Starting point is 01:30:40 I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm seeing you. I'm Jacko Z. Jacko Z, I'm a fucking moron. Look at those tattoos though. What's up, Saka? Sammons, my color.
Starting point is 01:30:50 Jacko Z, who else? That's it. What was the two people? You said two people. Jacko and Z. Oh, Jacko, you caught something. You put them together, I ran it together. Jacko, thank you very much.
Starting point is 01:31:02 Z, you're the shit. Patreon, I love you so much. We did a fucking long show for you today.. Z you're the shit patreon. I love you so much We did a fucking long show for you today. I could talk to Paul Verzi. I mean for hours on hours Something else on the docket my dogs dying right now outside my feet are cold I got to go in and fucking take care of some shit Verzi. Maybe me and very let us know if you guys want me and Verzy to do a podcast together, let us know. I'll talk on mine. To yeah, hit us up. What's fucking see what?
Starting point is 01:31:30 Have that's the podcast obvious with Paul and Verzy. We'll brainstorm. We'll brainstorm. We will brainstorm. But listen, you guys have been the best Verzy checkout Paul, the Verzy effect and Paul Verzy.com at Mike V. Swarris and Nikki. What's yours again, Nikki? Nicole C. Lions.
Starting point is 01:31:48 Oh my God, she sounds so, what are you in a tub? What are you taking a bath? I'm in my empty apartment with no heat. That's so sad. I will see you guys next Tuesday. We got, I believe, who's next Tuesday, Nicole? Steve. Steve Renazese is on next week.
Starting point is 01:32:06 First time on the show, you guys have questions. Please email them too. What's the email mush? YKWDUDE at gmail.com or put them in the thread or on the Patreon. Bobby, get your hat on. Bobby, get your hat on. Oh yeah, where's my hat?
Starting point is 01:32:21 I'm on my hat. Oh yeah, what's up? Oh man, this was the shit. I just want to say, yo, thanks for having me on. Listen, when me my hat? Oh, yeah, what's up? Oh, man, this was the shit. I just want to say yo, thanks for having me on listen when me and Bobby get together Y'all know how we do Yo, why KW key see you next week, you know what? Dude You've been listening to Y YKWD podcast.
Starting point is 01:32:47 Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. you

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