Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Rannazzisi | Gerd is the Word

Episode Date: February 4, 2024

This week Bobby is joined by Steve Rannazzisi, they talk about doing a show together in Las Vegas years ago, Steve's bad eating habits, and football. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsys? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsys? My dad's been talking about Rebelsys. Rebelsys? Really?

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Mmm, mmm, we got him by Popeye's at a party more often. Make any night wing night in with Popeye. Have you seen Bert? He cut sugar out. Yeah, sugar and grains, baby. Cut him out. Cut him out. Here and grains, baby. Cut them out. Cut them out. Here's the thing too. Late at night, that's why you have Gerd. I used to have to... Listen to me, dude.

I used to throw... What a word. I used to throw... It's a perfect word for Gerd. Gerd, it's not... I mean, you want to know why I'm a... Gerd. ...Gerd. Yeah. Gerd and gout. I mean...

That should be your next special. Gerd. From Gird and gout. Gird. I mean. That should be your next special. Yeah. Gird. From gird to gout. Gird to gout. Dude. Top to bottom. I don't take, I used to have to have pepsi with me take two or three a night because I would wake up with a gurd.

And I'd wake up. Yeah, it hurts my throat dude. It burns my like my esophagus. I don't take any anymore, dude. Why? Because I stopped eating that food. When I got that surgery, I couldn't eat any of that. So I just eliminated it. So now, once in a while, I'll have some type of stupid thing

at night. You know what I mean? But I try it like tonight. I'm going to have a piece of chicken when I go home. Okay, that's what I was gonna ask you Bobby. All right, so I ate at five. Five, yeah, so five. So you know what, you're telling me right now I gotta go, I gotta drive 40 minutes home

after we're done with this. Yeah. And then just go into bed and go to sleep. No, do you have any- Hungry? What am I, an immigrant? Why are you getting mad at me? I didn't give you a- I gotta go to bed hungry. Yeah baby, we're starting the podcast right now.

We're back, you know what dude, live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKW. YKW. I started the social media podcast. The facts. YKW dude podcast. YKWD's back again.

Own school, back in the day. We're it all started before them all. YKW. YKWD is back again. Home school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. YKWD is so fun and crazy, and has no rules. God help you ruining this. We're the bomb dana man. I'm sorry, it's comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original original.

What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. And I'm here. Oh, that sounds tight. What's up here? I am looking at you. We're above the Comedy Cellar at the Comedy Cellar Studios. This is why KWD the longest running podcast on the east coast i did it before any of them and i am not making as much money as any of them but you know what there's still time baby all you gotta do if you're watching this just click the subscribe button like comment get in there make it happen subscribe subscribe don't be a bitch. Or go to Patreon. It's like five bucks or whatever. You can support the show that way. And I can pay all these autistic kids that don't look me in the eye and secretly want to sit with me and come dead. I've been

eating. So should I take peep debt so I don't get it and canceled. Anyways, so there you go. Go to comicwearables.com. Make sure you hit that and Robert Kelly live.com. But you want to see some real stuff. Go to punch up dot live and click on my thing. And you can watch my special for free. I put a bunch of clips up there. We have a bunch of small stuff coming up there. But what it does is let me know that you're my fan and I can let you know when I'm coming to your town so you can come see me live

do my thing. and we have a insane guest today I Me tell you something I did a show with him a long time ago. He kind of did rattled me Didn't think it was gonna happen went on before me and fought and murdered and it bugged me What I'm gonna get to it and it bugged me and he's here. Max, who do we got? We got Steve, friend of ZC. Ba-ba-ba, we have all the sound. Ba-ba-ba-ba. Thank you very much.

Thank you. What happened? What do you mean, what did I? When did we do a show together? The Palms? Oh. You were famous at the time. Yeah, that was like 2004.

You were famous, you were on the league, you were a mother of a dead, and you rolled in, but I'm sitting there like, I'm gonna know sweat, this motherfucker, I don't sweat him. I'm not famous, I'm on the road like a doll. Got palms room. And I was like, oh, this kid's rolling in. I thought you were gonna be like, LA, comic, TV. And hi guys, you know,

did it, which I've seen so much of. You rolled in and laid the dead and piped down. And I was in the back like, oh, this dead is good. It's good. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. It bugged me.

And, because you were very nonchalant about it too. You was like, hey man, all right, cool. You were not like a dick. You weren't cocky. You were just like, all right, man, take care. You left. You don't want to hang with me. You had wanted nothing to do with me too.

Well, I think I, maybe I'm wrong, but I think you had done tourgasm at this point. Yes, sir. So I probably didn't think you knew who I was. You know, like, you know, you know how it is like, and the reason I was probably had that kind of I didn't care attitude is because the comedy store was probably the closest thing to the East Coast comedy club scene in LA. Yeah. Where it was very cut throughoutroat, very, you know,

we made fun of each other quite often. And so, you know, I came from that, like I could tell that you were definitely that. And then I was probably the closest thing to that. So it didn't really bother me that you were there. And it didn't, I hopefully didn't bother you that I was there. No. So it was like, like, I think we were on the same wavelength.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I just, yeah. No, we were definitely like, your vibe was very nonchalant and you, but you went up and did laid it down. I was like, I didn't, you know what I mean? Like you kind of, yeah, when you don't know somebody, you, you expect them. You kind of go, all right, I know what this guy's going to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you went up and you did get murdered, but it was all like really good.

Did I remember enjoying it and kind of laughing. But then at the end, you look, all right, take it and you just left and you did murder but it was all like really good. I remember enjoying it and kind of laughing but then at the end you look I take it and you just left and you went and I'm like what do you we're in Vegas dude. Yeah I'm lonely. I know. Where are you going. I you know what it was it's like the comedy that court ran that room. Yeah. And so and it was like for us on the LA was like the easiest thing to do to go. So I was doing like two, three times a year. So you go. I think you left, right? Yeah.

So I would go do a spot and then just go out like and do because I was like, I can't. The room wasn't like a comedy club where you would like, I mean, you can hang a little bit in that green room and stuff, but I had like, you know, other people and other things. To me, it was the beginning of when comedy really started in Vegas because up until then you had to do the RIV or the Tropicana or MGM or and you got banned from the RIV me and Ari. You did. Yeah. Because people don't know that the RIV you had to do 16 shows. Oh my god. You had to do a full week. Two shows a night. Two to to three shows a night and they didn't go around with those shows Get off at eight o'clock. They didn't look to see where you were if the comics were here

Do you need a drink the the music went on? But that that that and they were doing the thing where you got on and I remember like if you were a headliner 45 minutes when you were done 45 minutes they put the lights back on if you were in the middle of a joke it didn't matter now They wanted people out get out. Let's go the next people in yeah They wanted it run like a theater show and amazing Jonathan had this the room upstairs. We did you do it? Yeah, he had that theater room upstairs. They had crazy girls when I was there. Oh really some some burlesque show Oh nice chicks with smoking bodies bodies but faces like my uncle. You know what I mean?

Who would go to Burlesque with people bring their wives? Yeah. When you just go to a strip club in Vegas? No, old people. Oh, old people. Burlesque is an older, from the 1800s. It teased me. It's a little boobies with the castles. I love Burlesque. Yeah. I do. I have a couple of friends that do burlesque I mean, it's hot, but those chicks in Vegas. They all had the same smoking young body Yep, and a face that looked like flow like she you know just some dude Do you ever do hilarities when they had the burlesque show going on? No in Cleveland. Yeah, I want to hear the I kicked out. Oh, yeah. So anyway, um, so we

I want to hear how you got kicked out. Oh, yeah. So anyway, um, so we, R and I would go once twice a year and we had a system where we would go together usually with John Caparillo and we would go, we would do the shows and then we would go to the poker room and play poker in the garage to like eight in the morning, wake up, rinse and repeat through the whole thing. And you had to eat in the fucking cafeteria in the basement downstairs with the guys, with the tube TVs

I was like I haven't seen a tube TV like this was like 2004 my big everyone's getting rid of tube TVs They got tube TVs and you had a car they gave you a card. Yeah, like a little little Fob, yep, and you scanned into the basement with the dead Blackjack dealers and the poker dealers and the other employees. The pressing, the most depressing. No windows. No. All like, it was like a prison.

He was prison. He was smoking butts. Smoking and the food was not really that good, but it wasn't that bad and you had to eat there. Yeah, and, but the thing is after midnight, they would let you go to the buffet. So after our shows, we'd go to the buffet, crush the buffet and go to the mirage. Yeah, And but the thing is after midnight, they would let you go to the buffet. So after our shows, we'd go to the buffet, crush the buffet, go to the barrage. Yeah, you can go.

But the reason we got kicked out is because they had drink tickets, they would give you like three or four drink tickets, right? Yeah. So Ari and I would find out the week before what the drink ticket color was going to be that week from the comic from before. And we would go print out our own drink tickets. And so we showed print out our own drink tickets and So we showed up with thousands of drink tickets So we had drink tickets on our own and I guess it got back to Sharipa

That we would We were doing the drink ticket thing because then Eleanor basically had to talk us like she was like he was he was Not only gonna ban us but like come he thought we're ripping off the not only gonna ban us, but like, come, he thought we're ripping off the casino. Steve Sharipo was the guy who ran the room who is on the Sopranos. AKA Bobby Bakalaw. Bobby Bakalaw was the booker. AKA not a small guy. No.

And yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah, he's a big money. Okay. Yeah. And he ran that room before he was on the Sopranos. Yeah. So we were like, we're going to go back again. Let's try to get back. And he's like, you're never allowed back. And we couldn't figure out why.

And the only thing we could think of is the drink tickets. Really? Yeah. I printed out thousands of drink tickets. It was so bad, though, because they made you sell their merch after the show. Oh, yeah. Right out in front. There was a table table, the glass table with the shirts from the show. Oh, yeah. Right out front. There was a table table, the last table with the shirts from the show and you had to sell it and sign it. All three of you, the headliner, the feature, the host, you had to sit there after every show, sign

whatever the fuck they wanted. You didn't get any money from it. And it was I was just it was grueling. Yeah all day long and you and the Riv Was that the in between old Vegas and the strip the new strip? Yeah So you're in no man's land and you could Vegas is tricky because you'd see oh I'll go right over there There's treasure Island. Yeah, and then you walk and it's seven hours away It's a mirage. You're like what what the fuck? We're those goddamn pirates. I remember being comfortable there because I just, you know,

Swingers, it was a huge movie. And so they did a lot of filming down in the RIV and stuff. You saw the depressing, so I knew what I was getting into. I knew it wasn't gonna be the best gig ever, but 14 fucking shows. By that last show on Sunday. Yeah, cuz I would drive myself. I remember like

Calling caparillo when he got off stage and I was like, I'm in prim baby. I'm already fucking in prom an hour out of the Fuckin out. I'm in print. I'm out like I we would fucking haul Well, that's like that's what Vegas was at every club. It was yeah, that you had 14 shows, Horry, or core had to he got a he went to the Palms. Yeah, because he was like the host of the Playboy radio show. Yeah. And so they wanted it to do like get the playmate get a comedy show. We'll get you the room. Two nights.

Two nights. Saturday, Saturday, sick room at the Palms at the time. The newest. The play, like MTV had just done the fucking MTV Palms. It was. The Ghost Bar with the fucking plexiglass that you could see straight down was like. All smoking hot young.

Oh my God. The Playboy Club. So there'll be a Playboy playmate on the show You do you stand up in the lounge like old-school Vegas one show on Friday? Maybe two on Saturday or one-in-one. You got paid nice money and then court would court is such a I Can't explain it. He's Hollywood. He's just Hollywood, but a really good guy. Yes, he's a great networker, a great person to, I mean, like, if you need something, he knows, he's met everybody that does everything in the history of the world. Knows everybody, but a great guy.

Yeah. And his partner, a little fucking... Yeah, Paul was, you know, together, they were, you know... A little, we didn't get along as much. He was more LA than I liked. Yes, yes. You know, together they were, you know, they were a little, we didn't get along as much. He was more LA than I liked. Yes, you know, he's more LA. Not a bad guy, but we just didn't mesh, you know, and then they bring you to the Playboy Club.

But plus the playmate of the month is there. She signed in the magazine. I had a bad experience with one. I just, I know there was a year that court, and I'm not speaking out of school here, I think he went 12 for 12. He what? I think he went 12 for 12.

No. I swear to God, Bobby, I think he went 12 for 12. Hope it wasn't worth the while. I think I was there three months, and I know he covered the spread on the three months I was there, so. But he's a good looking guy. Great looking guy.

He's got Bragg Pitt, George Clooney looks. Well, he's part Cherokee Indian. Is he? Yes, that's how he's got,-looking guy. He's great looking guy. He's got Bragg pit George Clooney looks always part Cherokee Indian Yes, that's how he's got it's like cheating. I always wanted that I mean he's got infinite blood in him like you know that the blood of all I wanted to be able to hear a train coming from Oh, yeah by putting my ear to the ground to the ground. Yeah, I've been the subway two minutes Yeah, two clicks that way the room. Oh, yeah of low. Yeah, right, you know But he ran a great room. It was it was fun, but and it was like he treated you well So you were like I feel like a fucking king here You're like a king, but it was two days shows maybe three the same money you get at the river Yeah, it's fucking nothing for the day. He changed the game there, but I had a bad experience

We had the I think he was from Vietnam playmate. Oh, me and my friend Al Delbany were playing the room. He was open for me. Sweetest girl ever. We were talking or in the back and she had no wonder on with the little dress. And she kept showing us her fucking stink wrinkle. Yeah. Right. And are we 10 minutes in already? Why you got to get the best how far we in six? Now I think was we nine. So anyway, I want to do all kinds of FM radio stuff to get this through. She was you know, showing us her yeah, yeah, to make and we were like, oh my god, we were

just throwing stuff at her, see if she was, and she was down. Let's hang out after, let's hang out. And then we were like, oh god, we're going to hang out, like who knows what's going to happen. We're going to go to the playbook with the playbook. I mean, she is so cool, so down, even if nothing happens, at least she's flirting and she's showing us the piece of bubble gum, you know what I mean? She's giving you that bad, it's a little BP. Ooh, it's so nice, you know what I mean? Yeah.

So I remember we're getting up to leave after the show and she's like, all right, let's go. And she gets up and I'm like, hey, and the guy who worked for court, I think he passed away. I forget his name, but he kind of ran this stuff. He put his hand on my shoulder. He goes whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, he grabs me. Because she's heading into the bathroom before we head out. And then so she's heading to the

bathroom. He goes, whoa, whoa, you're good. You're good. I'm like, what? He's like, relax. I know you have like a very weak stomach and things make you nauseous easy so I want you to chill. Everything's okay. And I went, what the fuck are you talking about? He goes, well, he goes, and he just points to her seat. Oh, no. And there was blood on it. Oh, Bobby. But listen to me. You could see the outline of her butthole. Oh my God, she left like a...

And then the line up from her butthole to her, and then you could see her vagina like an inkball. It was like the Wilson face and the fucking... Yes, dude. Oh. Oh. I don't care if we don't get monet Yes. Fucking dude. I don't care if we don't get monetized. Oh, no. Believe it. I was that had to hit the buzzer. I don't care.

She Wilson that chair, buddy. I know I went. I would have thrown up this before I had a kid like I before I I could kind of deal with stuff like that. was like, huh, he's like you're good He's like you're okay. She walks out and be on her the back of her dress is all blood. I'm like She oblivious to any all ball of the old like we're gonna fucking do this right We're gonna have a night. We're gonna party. And you're like, boy. I went, I went. I went, yo, I'm,

I'm, and the guy's like, he's gonna meet, he's not feeling well. He's gonna meet you up there. She's like, okay, what's he up there? I was like, bleh. I mean, he had to clean the seat. I have a picture of it somewhere.

I, listen to me. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I gotta find this photo. Because I wanna just turn it sideways and frame it and make it a big piece of art. I wanna put it on something this big so people don't know what it is. Because if you look at it sideways.

It looks abstract. You like, man. It looks, yeah, it looks like an owl. Is that an ocean? Oh my God, dude. There's a lot abstract. You're like, man. Yeah, it looks like an owl. Is that an ocean? Oh my god, dude. There's a lot of people that, well, not a lot, but there's a unit. We both could probably name four people

that would have been like, let's go. Oh, oh my god. Come on, you monster. Let's do it. I know 17 people that would be like, let's do this. Yep, I got friends that have union jobs that are like, what are you scared of? Oh, yeah.

What are you afraid of, a little blood? Well, you never licked a penny before? Dude, how did she not, I mean, that's confidence though. I know, it was- And no one told her, I'm sure she partied all night. It was alcoholism. She was like a trash. Oh my God.

But that was the only night where like some stuff's gonna go down. Cause I'm never, I'm historically, I was never been lucky in Vegas ever as far as that kind of stuff I never when I was single. Mm-hmm. I never I never got lucky and like girls I don't this is a thing. Tell me if this is a thing or it's maybe my old head. Mm-hmm. I'll tell you take but I Never certain towns. I'm good in I totally take, but I never, certain towns, I'm good in. Like girls want to fuck around. And then there's certain towns, LA, never, ever, ever,

had anybody, girl like me in LA. Even when I was skinny, had hair, could never score in LA. Chicks just didn't like me. My, I don't know what it was. You didn't put up enough shots. If you put up, if you lived there the way I did, you would have, you would have done just as fine. I mean, you probably New York, New York did great. I bet. Yeah, but New York put up a lot of shots here. I didn't put up, I didn't, I didn't have, you know what I'm saying? Like I didn't have to put up shots. You just, it was easier. It was,

you stand up and after the show group, but in LA, never. Vegas, another one. I would do shows and people would just be gone. My thing in Vegas and I was like, hi, how are you? You're so great. This is my boyfriend. That was what I got all the time. I've never been to anyone's really plan in Vegas.

Whether it be stand up or hooking up, it's like I've always been another choice. Like, all right, we'll do this. This looks fun for the, you know, like, that's the only way anything's ever gone well for me in Vegas. That's it. I mean, I've never hooked up, but you know,

and that's not like, I don't know. I like to like push the envelope, drink a little bit. That's, you know, I used to be, yeah, I still do, but not like the Vegas court palms days. Then you read Bulls and vodka till my heart felt like it was gonna explode out of my fucking chest did you did you drugs and shit you still like no no I'm like one of the I probably did coke maybe six times in my life right and I think all six I had a

great time but never like was like the next day like I gotta get that again really yeah lucky yeah man lucky I mean I was a different story pills was like the next day like I got to get that again. Really? Yeah, lucky Yeah, man lucky. I mean pills was a different story pills was like in in the 2000s in LA it was so easy So like everyone's any the oxy anything like it was just flowing through Comedy store. What does oxy do? What is I remember doing it when I was 13? Yeah, I mean it was like I'm rushing limbaugh with the oxy Everyone was trying to get oxy and then perc assets and stuff like I didn't know what it was I just knew like what like this is like a sonos. This is a perk. This is a fucking oxy So you you know you go out and you eat two of them and you'd have a great time for the night

And now those were like ones that you were like, oh, let me see what that feels like tomorrow like that was your mushrooms Mushrooms now. Yes. I didn't do much that you were like, oh, let me see what that feels like tomorrow. Like mushrooms. Mushrooms now. Yes. I didn't do mushrooms. You're friends with fucking Ari. Yeah. Well, now it's like I do a couple of times a year. We do mushrooms. You and Ari.

Yes. I mean, he does drugs. Yes. Yeah. And now look, he now has kits, text testing kits. What does he have? Like, we, you know, we went on kits, testing kits. What does he have? Like, we went on tour for two weeks, so people gave us all sorts of drugs,

but we also got testing kits. Now look, I'm older now. So I like a glass of wine and a joint. I don't need to test. Don't pull any kits out. I don't want to mix chemicals to see if this is gonna make me die. You do drugs like my mom did in the 80s.

Yes. You're that drug. You're a middle-aged woman in the 80s drug addict. I think it's called California sober. What is that? You could drink weed and wine. Weed and wine. I think it's weed and wine.

That's pretty much what I am. Yeah. I mean, I could drink scotch and stuff like that here and there, but I love weed and wine. But Ari's doing drugs. Yeah, but I mean, yes So like, you know Molly and things like that stuff that I'm like, I don't fuck around I can't I got so he has to bring Like a science with him on the road. You got to like test to make sure that you're not getting Well, but why do you do it not mushrooms though mushrooms? You just eat. How do you know?

Because they come from the ground. Yeah, but look at I love hiking, and I've seen a lot of mushrooms. How do you know which ones, if a fan just hands you a mushroom, how do you know it's not the death shroom? Well, best case scenario, I have a great trip and a great time, my friends. Worst? Worst case is I have a sauteed mushroom, and I'm like, ooh, this is a portobella.

But what if it's a death adder or a death capper or something? I don't think they make death mushrooms, do they? Yes. What's a death mushroom? There's none. There's mushrooms. There's no mushrooms that will make you die. I'm sure they'll make you nauseous.

No, no. But not going to kill you. Dude, there's the death hat, the red death hat mushroom. Where you go? Right here. What's death cat mushroom? The death cat mushroom. That's right here? What's death cat mushroom the death cat mushroom? That's probably just the nickname for it potentially fatal if potentially oh my god come on

I was a lion bro. I mean if we're gonna cut mushrooms out I've never taken them. I Won't do acid. I've done acid. I won't do that cuz why not man-made. mean, that is man made. Yeah, I mean, that's God you mean? Yeah, that's me. I want to scientist. No, I'm saying like, I don't want to I feel like that's more out of like, I'm melt. You'll eat something that a rabbit shit made. Yep. With grass. Grind it up. You put it in orange juice. What do you do? Yeah, you put it in orange juice and drink it. Yeah, drink it. I

don't know how you take mushrooms. That I take it already told me empty stomach with citrus like some sort of vitamin C. Okay, the kind of kick it kickstart it. Yeah, is the best way to do it. So but how much a cap I'd couple stems because I was skiing once a year and it's like this mushrooms everywhere and I'll just I'll eat them throughout the day Just I let loose then. Yeah, just eat it. Yeah, just straight up. Yeah, just have them and what does it do? I just you know you feel like this is really I'm very silly. I'm very loose

and You just like everything is sort of fun We I remember we watched me, Ari, and Gillis, and a couple people, we watched animal videos. And when animals attack, and it was like, I couldn't believe how dumb these people are. I was watching the videos, and I was like, look at these fucking idiots, these swans,

like look at these swans going after these people. It was just like, it was hilarious that these people, in our state, did not see these animals. We all saw it coming from a mile away in our mushroom brains. Right. But the fact that these people in these videos, in every video, I was like, this is so stupid.

Humans are so stupid that they didn't know these animals were gonna attack them. Does it go, what happens when I take a man, why are you showing me? Ari already has a frequently asked, something or whatever. Yes, I mean like this is, you know, this is a charm when it comes to it.

He should basically get that license. Do you know that? If he needs money, you'll know. The one thing about me being sober, I love being sober, I love being recovering for 37 years, I don't do drugs, I don't do anything else, but I really wish, because Ari's one of my favorite people. He's one of my closest friends and I really wish because I are he's one of my favorite people Yeah, he's one of my closest friends, and I really adore him

But the one thing holding us back is that I'm not a drug addict Yeah, like I can't pop if I could do mushrooms with him and do some some of this shit with him You guys could get married we'd be look we might make love. I know we'd be fucking besties. Yeah besties Yeah, I would fuck we'd be fucking besties. Yeah. Besties. Yeah. I would f- we'd be hanging out. There's always that thing. So he's with me.

Yeah. Where we're going to be squares. And we can't go through the next level. Really? Yeah. Now, when you guys like say you go, say you're saying, oh, we're gonna go camping this weekend, right? Yep.

He will, will he eat mushrooms without telling you or he just won't do anything that weekend? I think he just doesn't do anything. Oh, okay. Because first of all, you know, if something happens and you're fucking tripping in your tent, I'm leaving you. I'm gonna fucking hang around with a bear. Yes.

Because you're a fucking asshole, naked jerking off with your big Jew cock in your tent. How many times have you seen his dick? A million? I don't get it millions he just takes it out It's we're in I was in a I was in the Bunk bed on the bottom bunk and I woke up and his dick was just in my face. Yeah, what are you doing? He's like nothing. What's going on dude? We're gonna go get lunch. I'm like well go get lunch Just want to make sure you're awake. Yeah

He's disgusting with that and the balls are you know, it's it's horrible And it's gonna be 50 so it's like I'm 53. How old are you? I'll be I'll be 47 this year. I'm 46 young dude I'm alright. I mean 47. That's pretty good. I guess you don't like it I mean I'm this is the first year that I feel I'm starting my body starting to feel older What are you doing to it? I don't know, I'm not doing what I, I don't know, I'm abusing it a little bit. Stop doing mushrooms and fucking drugs.

I like to say yes to the world. I have so many, you know, like, how do I not do mushrooms with Ari when we're in a mountain skiing? Don't make me feel bad. I'm not saying that you should. I'm just saying like- Oh, that's what you're kinda saying.

No, I would go hiking with you completely sober too. But I bet you are. He's doing some shit on the side. You don't know about you think so. I mean, I would have to ask him. He, you know, there's two, there's two things with Ari. He might be like, um, I respect Bobby too much and his variety. And I wouldn't want, you know, that doesn't sound like him.

No, he probably just, yeah, he goes, I micro dose when he's not looking. That's probably what happens. Yeah, probably. Would you drink if we went, like when you want a couple beers or something, we went hiking? Yeah, does he not, like, I mean, no. I mean, not if we're hiking,

but like after, if we were camping overnight, yeah. Yeah, but would you take like a beer with you? You need like, agua. You need water and shit, you dehydrated. Yeah. You're just gonna crack over. You got beer over I know but He doesn't smoke joints when you guys go. No, no, no, no really no me Joe's me and Joe don't do anything

Yeah, yeah, it's kind of a square if I feel bad, but that's great How great would it be though if we all did we hiked up this mountain to a river and then we just did mushrooms Let a fire. Can you please let me know if you're doing that? Really? I would love to come. Why don't we do this? Me, Joe, you, Arigo, will stay sober to protect you guys drop shrooms. Great, but you have, hold on.

What? You can't fuck with us. Why? Wait, you're saying why, like, why would I? Or like... Why would I not fuck with you? Are you crazy? I know, I know.

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna bring, I'm gonna bring a bear outfit in my bag and I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna go up to your tent as soon as you go to sleep. I'm trying to think of the times that I've been high. Ari and I did mushrooms at Bonnaroo once. Yeah. I was there. What?

I was big J. I don't know. I think I came in after you guys. You guys were there during the week and I came in on Sunday. Okay, under the tent, the circus tent? Okay. We slept on a mattress R and I outside of a camper.

What? Yeah, we didn't even bring the mattress inside. We slept outside. We did the mushrooms and I thought that John Mayer was playing with the Grateful Dead of a camper. What? Yeah, we didn't even bring their mattress inside. We slept outside. We did the mushrooms and I thought that John Mayer was playing with the Grateful Dead and I thought John Mayer, I was like, Ari, John Mayer is so talented.

He's been in this band since he was, he has to be like three years old because the Grateful Dead's been around for 40 years. I'm like, he's been in this, I thought he was an original member of the Grateful Dead. So if I... What was Ari saying? We were both laughing about it,

but then if I had you next to me being like, he was, dude. What do you mean? He was, he was three years old. And I'll start fucking spiraling out of my mind. It's like, I've only ever done it with people that have all done it so that we're all on the same silly level. I It's like, I've only ever done it with people that have all done it, so that we're all on the same silly level. Actually, I take that back.

Ian Fadance, fine dance. I don't know. How do you say his name? Ian Fadance. Last one, your last one. He doesn't do drugs and he had a good time. Does he? Yeah, and he doesn't do drugs.

And he has been with us. He they they seem to tolerate us. I don't mind people on drugs or I don't mind people drink either never have I can hang out with anybody you wear anytime. I remember I was at Bonnaroo and Jay and Ari, they're like we're going to walk into 100,000 people right now and watch the rest of the show. Do you want mushrooms? Do you want to come?

And I was like, what mushrooms? And Ari took out a bag. It had to be big, like this big. A Ziploc bag, yeah. Ziploc bag, vacuum sealed with what I could only assume a Michelin star restaurant would use for their salads in a mood like a day. So many mushrooms. Crazy. Crazy. Like,

unconsumable. Unc... I mean, yeah. And that's what they did. Yeah. They went, ate mushrooms, and walked into a sea of people, which is terrifying to me. Yes, that I would have to do it with someone like Ari who's been experienced before. Yeah. I wouldn't want to do that, anything like that, by myself. I wonder if that has helped him open his brain up to, have you ever had an experience where you opened the channel up, where you became funnier, or found some creativity, or, you know, this is, are you,

More loose. Sometimes I'll get a little bit silly, like if I smoke a little bit before I go on for like workout sets, I'm a little sillier and therefore I'll just, you know when you get like, it's sometimes it's very annoying and you've seen it before where the comedian's having more fun than the audience

and you're like, what is this guy doing? It could get into that and that's stupid. But you know that moment right before that where you're like, oh, this guy is just literally like having fun right now with whatever his thoughts are and we're enjoying it too. That's kind of where I like to get, where I hope to get into when you're a little bit high

on stage and you're kind of working shit out. You got kids. Yeah, but that's the other thing. So I got kids. So I have to make sure that I'm, you know, that we're, I toe the line. Yeah, Ari has that I'm, you know, that we're a, I toe the line. Yeah, Ari has nothing. Yeah, that's.

Yeah. Yeah, he has a girlfriend and a dog. Yeah, that's it. But yeah, no, and they let him, there's nothing. Yeah, there's no nothing tethered him to the to the earth besides those things. Yeah, like he could leave for five days and she'd be like where were you? That's why he does harder drugs than I do because if his brain gets melted Right. Yeah, then it's like well

Yeah, we all will get a little bit of his money. Oh You know like we'll do like a we'll do a nice memorial. Yeah, so we'll use some of the money for that Yeah, and then we'll all get a little piece of it. Whatever we think we can serve. But he had nothing. I don't know, but whatever it is he has, we'll get. Fucking took that artwork. If I melt my brain, my kids,

there's like people, like my dad. Generations. Yeah, like my dad, my kids are then, I fucked them up forever. Everyone gets fucked up down the line. My dad melted his brain being silly. That's my legacy. So take that with you kids.

I can't have that. No. So I gotta stick to earth drugs. That's why I got skinny. I don't wanna fucking die from being a fat fuck. Going the other way Bobby, I'm going the other way What do you mean you getting chubby Bobby? I bet you were Pat or I bet you right now. We're doing this don't do that I'm not kidding you. No, you look good, dude. I

I'm just telling you I Got a in the last year and a half. Yeah, and I told you before this is what I feel The number thing is the number. Okay, it feel. In the last year and a half, I have sleep apnea like you can't even imagine. I can't sleep on my sides, my shoulders dislocate in the night, my arms are numb. I have GERD. You remember your GERD? I do. Look that up. GERD. I know what GERD is. Throw, I'm throwing up in your mouth. In my mouth. Yeah.

My mouth is coming out. Yeah. So now I snore, I gotta keep the mouth guard in. Yep. I got the GERD pillow that lifts me up. You know the one that you see on Instagram you slide your arm in the way, what are that? GERD pillow, I got that.

So, and I literally now have to ask my wife, like is there any, before bed, like there's the chance of us getting into bed and then something just happening, not, because I'm now in a, in a, in a, in my own nest cocoon, I'm in my own fucking thing. Like she would have to climb a wall to get over where I am.

I have a pillow, dude. You're in your own intent. Like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, you know, like, you know those crap, my side's up. Yeah. So she would have to climb up to get to me. You're in your own intensive care unit that you put yourself in.

Yeah. And that's and and, you know, between that and like, I don't know. I'm like, I can't. I have no energy. It's all gone. Your teeth is going down. I still want to fuck, though. Who? Anything. Your tea is going down. I still want to fuck though. Who? anything okay

boys No, but I mean I'm gonna fuck my I mean I'm still like there's no like I'm like I have not the point where I'm like I mean what that's what I got. Oh you got that one third one from the top right there. Yeah, the third one Does that come with the body pillow? Look, she has to get up over all that and trust me. She doesn't want to do anything She doesn't want to roll over when we're flat level at the same level. It looks like something from Star Wars Yeah, now I got to get her to pay a toll to get up to come see me This is horrible. So that's that that's what I'm saying like yeah, dude. You got to change. It's your eating

It's my eating. It's your eating. It's what you're eating. And it's the, dude, the alcohol, no good. I know. I drink wine. Like, do you do the breakfast thing? Do you do like athletic greens and stuff like that? I don't eat in the morning as much. I try to just wait as long as I can to eat. What time do you's the time you get up though like I get up six Yeah, me too. Yeah, but how do you wait till 10? You're not hungry cuz you're not I am you're not break fast I gotta break the fast You're not hungry. I'm starving. Oh, you're not dude. I need bacon and eggs Oh, I'm a little bit. Yeah, which what do you go to fucking work? I'm job? You're going nowhere. I eat like I'm a blacksmith

Yeah, you're going back to bed. I eat like I'm a union Construction worker. Yeah, you're not building the skyline double-leg ham cheese Yeah, dude, you're not a hungry man. You're not hungry. Put it on an egg bag You're not I'm fucking starving Bobby And then you know what I'm going to do after that? I'm going to take a nice break. I'm not going to eat a big lunch. But I'm going to eat something nice at three when my kids get on from school. No.

I'm going to put mozzarella sticks in the fucking air fryer. No, you're not mozzarella. Dude, eat the mozzarella stick. This is what's killing you. No. Yes, you can't. And then we have a nice healthy dinner. What's the healthy dinner?

Whatever we're making. What is that? There you go. Yeah. No, not yes. I was in Denver. That's actually not bad for you. I was in Denver this weekend.

Yeah. You know, the comedy works. I do. They don't use it. She hates me. Oh, really? I say it every time now. Every, all my friends work that club.

She hates me. That and the DC comedy improv. Oh, they hate me too. Why do they hate you? I think it's one of the, I don't know. I think it's one of the waitresses had a husband in 911 or something like that. And you know, so really? Oh, fuck that. Get over it. I know. But that's what happened. Your comedy club. Yeah. I don't know but that's what I think happened there But yeah, all right, I don't go there waitress. I don't I mean, yeah, who is a career waitress get it move on You plot fucking us was to be there forever. Look Bobby. I know that way again though But yeah, no, I have I got problems dude buddy you do this you don't I want to eat a little

Listen to me the reason why you want to eat okay? Here's why you want to eat. It's good. No the food's good dude double bad bacon eggs Cheese double big forget the bag right egg. Okay. Have all that yeah, don't the bagels with what's gonna hold it Yes, you're fat. How am I gonna? How am I gonna get all of it into my sandwich my mouth you just have the eggs and bacon and you're done You're good the reason why you're getting all fucked up is that the the bullshit in the bagel You want me to go keto now you don't have to go keto you can have Jasmine rice for dinner have some healthy healthy shit. don't eat bread from the store. It's garbage I'm telling you what am I gonna have Tom Papa break me bread every day. No, don't eat his sissy bread

Sour dough every day. Yes sour dough. That's what the Smells it tastes like eyeballs doing for a while and this was good. I would ever protein we have for dinner Yeah, I would throw it on a salad for lunch the next day and that was my lunch Yeah, dude, I wake up in the morning and I lunch the next day and that was my lunch. Yeah, dude I wake up in the morning, and I don't eat until I'm hungry. You drink coffee, right? I'll have a coffee. Yeah I don't drink coffee. Maybe I should start that. I don't I would rather drink my own calm than tea Tea is disgusting Bobby tea is like if you were to Vietnam and you had to

Ring your socks out ringing into a cup and drink that Fucking Ted Lasso? I hate tea. I don't hate it, but I understand what you're saying. I'm not disagreeing with you. My grandmother drinks tea. All right, okay. You don't have to worry. Disgust.

All right, I hear you. I would drink a coffee, maybe. Dude, mushroom coffee. Now we're talking about. Now we're talking about. Not the kickstart the fuck. No, I, no. Now we're talking about it. Not the kickstart the fuck. No, I'm not saying.

I won't even remember, I'm hungry to one. I'm not saying no. I'm not telling you to do drugs in the morning, you many. You just did, mushroom coffee. Not that mushroom. They have mushroom coffee that's made from mushrooms. That's healthy for you. What?

Yes. Dude, you're making that up. I swear to God, I use it. Instead of coffee, my wife will make it. What? Yes. Dude, you're making that up. I swear to God, I use it instead of coffee. My wife will make you. What's wrong with coffee? I thought coffee was good for you. No, caffeine. First of all, caffeine is not that great for you, but the mushroom coffee is better for you. All right. It's like coffee. But yeah, I have taste good. Yeah, it tastes like, you don't know how do you know your coffee? You don't know. I know, but I smell it. It smells like rich and like hardy. I don't want it to good. Yeah, it tastes like, you don't know. How do you know? You don't drink coffee, you don't know. I know, but I smell it.

It smells like rich and like hearty. I don't want it to, you know. It smells like what? It smells like, you know. Like it's a meal almost. When I wake up in the morning, I don't eat until I'm hungry, hungry, hungry. And then I might throw a protein shake.

I'll just take a protein shake and drink that. And then the hunger goes away. And then when I'm gonna eat, I'll have like eggs. But then the bread I have, dude, I have like a half a piece of bread, toast. But it's like healthy, healthy bread. Can you fly in an empty stomach? You get to the airport.

Nine, six. No, I go to the lounge. Yeah, me too. Early. Yep. How do you travel with that fucking Ari piece of shit? He doesn't go to the lounge He shows up at five minutes before with a fucking stick with a bandana. Yeah hobo Jim

Do you want to come into the lounge trim your beard? They got a fucking shower inside here How do you not go to the we went I'm not paying $50. I go you don't have to get the credit card It's free. I know I don't get it. I don't understand it. I love the lounge I go to the lounge life, baby. It's the best the best way to delay you gotta have something's happening I'd rather not sit in traffic go from my house early get to the lounge on the exact same page No lines. I don't deal with people get in relax and of course I'll go in I get my egg I'll get a little sausage. Yep, and you know they got the donuts in the corner Don't do it Bobby don't do it and how am I supposed to know they have jelly donuts the powdered ones don't You what the fuck is a donut delicious? I? You don't eat a donut in the morning I understand I know I don't eat the egg

But I used to be able to you can't and I'd go wherever I was gonna fly to I'd run a couple miles And that was it but now I don't want to run anymore, and I don't fucking donut dude You fuck you got a fucking up you have a sleeping ward you had to make It's embarrassing it's embarrassing your poor wife has to look over at her man at an angle. I know. With his arm under a fucking pillow, holding another pillow like a woman. With a mouthpiece. With a mouthpiece.

Girding. Can't even kiss you goodnight or ask you a question. Honey, we're going... What? Oh! What? I gotta pull it. Hey, sweetie, tomorrow.

What? Tomorrow, I gotta... can you pick up, can you pick up the kids tomorrow because I have to go, where are you? I got a finger sore for work. What? I got a finger mourning. I can't.

I got a thing in the morning. I can't hear you. I'm girding, I have gird. Take the, can you take it out of your mouth? I have, I have gird. Okay, I know you have gird, but what? I'm girding. Okay, fine. But you don't have to take the stupid thing take it out? I have I have I have girth. Okay. I know you have girth, but what I'm girding Okay, fine, but you don't have to take the stupid thing out of your mouth. I have donuts in the morning disgusting pig Dude, I'm telling you I gotta change something Bobby. Maybe it's

Coffee in the morning and less food in the morning and a little bit like and less less food at night in the morning and less food in the morning and a little bit like less food at night. See now night. Oh Jesus, man. Come on. Let's talk about the night. Okay, let's talk about the night. You want to talk about nights when I'm home or nights when I'm on the road or nights when I'm doing comedy. I know nights on the road. They all have different endings. I want to let's start with nights at home. Okay, nights at home. Yes, let's start. All right. So nights at home are great. We're doing the dinner thing. Everyone's happy, right? And then everyone- Your wife cook?

She cook. Sometimes I've been doing like cooking once or twice a week. Okay, great. I'll do cutlets or whatever. But we do the dinner. We gotta do it five, between five and six. Everyone's got something to do. Love it.

My favorite part of the day. But it's early. Yeah. Okay. So now I gotta go off, drive everyone where they gotta go, sports, blah, blah, blah. We settle back down, 8, 8, right. Okay, so now I gotta go off, drive everyone where they gotta go, sports, blah, blah, blah. We settle back down, 8, 8, 30.

Let's watch a show. Let's watch the Americans, right? Then I go, I get my wine. I get my peanuts. Peanuts are not good. Peanuts are great. No. Yes.

No. They're better than, my dad sat down with a sleeve of Oreos. Is your dad alive? No, he's dead Okay, they died of being fat. Okay. Listen. Yeah, I know what I'm saying is Okay, I'm 30 pounds later than he was in my age. That's not I'm doing better. No Here's my peanuts are his Oreos. How is that not better Bobby? Cuz you don't need the fucking peanuts. Here you go

There has to be somewhere between Oreos and Nuff. I'm gonna ask you a question. Do you sit down with the whole thing of peanuts? Yep. You get a little... No. The whole fucking thing. And it's the big one with the one we got to twist off like this. You can stick it in. And it sits right there, dude.

Nobody else eats them. They're my fucking peanuts. No one else sticks their hand at them because they're disgusted by it. You're gonna have to go to a medley. You gotta go to a medley. A medley of what? Nuts. Oh, almonds, cashews. Walnut.

Walnuts? What am I bringing? A fucking- Pecan? Clicker thing out? A fucking cracker? What's this thing called? You know the fucking walnut crack?

It's called a nut cracker. Please, dude. I don't have time. I'm trying to watch the Americans sometimes they speak Russian I got a fucking crack a nut listen you don't have to crack a nut they crack the nuts it's called the nut medley okay you go in the peanut what's wrong with a salted peanut because it's all fucking sugar what What? Yes. It doesn't even taste sweet. It does. That's why you like it. Listen, here's what you do for a snack. You ready? You can do this. How's sherbert? I love sherbert, dude.

In the summer, there's nothing better than sherbert. Get a sugar-free popsicle. Why don't I just suck a dick? Huh? Why don't I just put a bildo in the freezer and suck it? That would save your life. No, bro, I'm just... Listen, look at this. What are the changes you're getting? Look at that.

What is six grams of sugar? That doesn't seem like a lot. That's a lot. How much is in water? Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha. No, I'm telling you, that's gotta be better than a fucking chocolate,

which I then do then. What? Yeah, because if we watched two episodes, then I need a little sugar before I go to bed. You have chocolate? What kind of chocolate? Chocolate chip cookies. No!

Everybody loves chocolate chip cookies. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone, Stephen. I know, I know, I know. But I gotta let the tradition lives on, bro. No, I mean, look at this. 18 grams of sugar. This fucking 22 carbohydrates. I'm not saying you have to look at all this shit. It's just sherbet is not... Dude, look at me. Look at me. You can go the other route.

Sugar-free popsicle, maybe some cheese and salami. Fat, here's the thing, fat. Fatten food, like a salami. The fat in the salami. Yeah, I love it. Makes you feel full. You feel, and you can, fat, your body will take that. Fat and burn it.

So you're saying get a nice salami sandwich on a fucking? No, no, no, no, no. For lunch, dude. Salami, prosciutto, provolone. Fuck the bread. Get the salami, the prosciutto and just wrap it, wrap it up, put some mustard, I love that. That's all you're gonna do is cut out a couple of those bread. The bread is fucking murdering us. Listen, Dude, have you seen Bert? And don't...

What? Have you seen Bert? He cut sugar out. Sugar and grains, baby. Cut him out. Cut him out. Here's the thing too. Late at night, that's why you have Gerd.

I used to have to... Listen to me, dude. I used to throw... Put a word. I used to throw... It's a perfect word for Gerd. Gerd is the most... I mean, you want to know why I'm unfuckable?

GERD. Yeah. GERD, Gerd. And I'd wake up. Yeah, it hurts my throat, dude. It burns my esophagus. I don't take any anymore, dude. Why?

Because I stopped eating that food. When I got that surgery, I couldn't eat any of that. So I just eliminated it. So now, once in a while, I'll have some type of stupid thing at night. You know what I mean? But I try like tonight, I'm gonna have a piece of chicken when I go home. Okay, that's what I was gonna ask you, Bobby. All right. So I ate at five. Five. Yeah. So five. So you know, what you're telling me right now, I got to go, I got to drive 40 minutes home after we're done with this. Yeah. And then just go into bed and go to

sleep. No, do you have any hungry? Am I an immigrant? Why are you getting mad at me? I didn't give you a... I gotta go to bed hungry? Look at that. I mean, I live a nice life Bobby. I know you do but that's the problem with this fucking country. I understand, but I'm not going to bed hungry Bobby. This is a Russian. Okay What do you got it you got any turkey at the house? We're getting I don't want I You any I got a sift through shit to get I think it's in there

But you know, it's right on the top fucking rice Chinese rice leftover from Rice No, no, they don't eat that shit. You just said it, rice, eat rice, you said, eat it. Oh, you're the rice. I didn't fucking do that. I did not go with the, he thought I used the, let's just make it good. Let's just make it good. Look at jazz one point.

Damn, that's perfect, I'm upset. No, point one. I have pork fried rice. No, that's not, no, you Fucking fat tub of shit Listen to me from a fat fuck You sound like Ari now. This is Ari all over me about being fat. Do you have do you have co-cuts? Yep at the house Yes, do you have any chicken at all? Yeah, you have tuna. Yeah all that okay go home Get a can of tuna. Yeah get some mayonnaise. I already have it pre-made Dude eat the tuna eat the tuna with the mayonnaise just scoop it out with a four couple bites, but eat slow

Don't fucking eat like a dog You want to eat slow and try to what I try to do is feel art. I'm full and when I'm full dude You throw it away. I'm out. I've been at restaurants, I go, I'm done. Throw it out. And the waitress comes over, throw it out. I'm done. But sir, I don't care, bitch. Yeah. I don't fuck food. Food? Fuck it. I'd rather feel good, run upstairs, put on clothes, sleep through the night, not have to wake up, not have my feet feel wet all the time. I ate too much ice cream and potato chips.

The fucking sweats. Oh dude. I can't do the other thing. When you eat at night, you can't regulate your body temperature. No. I mean, I gotta turn the heat off. I gotta crack a window. My wife's freezing. Yeah.

I'm like naked in the bed. I can't, and then I will say I'm cold. Yeah. It's like, Dude, I'm telling you, what do you eat on the road? I gotta hear the road. The road? Yeah.

The road's different because I feel like the road, I sleep a little later. So I, for some reason, I can wake up and not eat till like noon on the road Yeah, because you did a bunch of drugs and alcohol the night before you fucker maniac What do you then I eat a big meal at noon? Yeah, right? And then I usually don't eat between show I don't eat till show like before shows Okay, and then I'll eat like a king after the shows. No What don't eat after the show? I what am I going to eat the next day?

Bobby wants a fucking day. What am I a mouse? Can you stop acting like you're fucking you're changing everything in my life? Bobby, you're changing. Like you're like, I'm going for three meals a day. You're like, you got to eat a half a meal a day. I'm like, who the fuck are you? OK, wait a second. How am I going to do this?

How's this? How's this? The so in the day when you eat right eat that meal whatever you want have a big one all right relax with the big I went to Sam's why do you have Denver the double fucking bacon the double eggs yeah so at noon no don't you don't eat the bread king don't eat but you're not a king! You don't deserve it! Stop rewarding yourself, you fucking lonely asshole! Stop giving yourself prizes! Just, you're doing great!

I love- You don't need- How do I know? Cause you- It's not too- It's not too f- How do I know unless I'm fucking well fed? Do you have a wife?

Yes! Do you have a kids? Two of them. Do you love them? I love them! Do you- the roof not leak? It doesn't leak. Do they have food of them. Do you love them? I love them. You did the roof not leak It doesn't leak. Do they have food? Yes, they have clothes. Yes, do they have an education? Yes Do you spend time with them? Yes, you have friends that care about you. Yeah, you did it

You're doing it, but I'm hungry. You're not You're hungry. You're hungry for something else Something feeling something. No. Yeah, you're trying to kill it. You're trying. You're hungry for something else. Something filling something. No, yeah, you're trying to kill. You're trying not to feel something. Hungry. No. No.

No. You're trying. You're trying not joy. Do I try to feel joy? You know, fucking sick. A goddamn Reese's peanut butter cup out of the refrigerator at 10 30 at night watching a sopranos It's fucking sick, bro

And if you had a pint of Haganas in there you could scoop it out of how funny Tony just sits there eating a piece of cake on his stomach And I go How great are we? He's dead You're dying on the show. My Gerd's acting up, but listen. Buddy, so on the road, you eat, here's what you do. In between the show, halves like chicken on a salad. Get a hamburger, no bun, everything.

I've been doing salmon over a salad. Bingo, you're done for the night. I did it for three nights at the Addison Improv. Yeah. How did you like that club? It was fine. Little rowdy? Yeah, a little bit.

Little rowdy? Well, you know what? I did a corporate on Tuesday, which was around Christmas time. And then I had the weekend. So I had Wednesday off. Right. So it's not a place you really want to hang for the, like though I was there for like and then I had the weekend. So I had Wednesday off. So it's not a place you really wanna hang for the, I was there for like four days, five days.

And I was like, enough's enough. Yeah, you gotta go. Yeah. Two days. But I probably lost four pounds that week. Why? Because I tried, I did the salad thing. And you felt good at night, right?

Yeah, but I was stuck there. But you felt good, right? What do you want to do? I mean, listen dude, I can't. You should feel, feel, be okay with feeling bad. I like to say yes to the world. What? Stop acting like it's a way of life.

I know, I know. I have to change that a little bit, especially with food. You got it. Especially with food. You're where I was at 30, 840. I started going on the road a lot. You know what I mean?

Torgasms over. I started going on the road. Away from my, I love my fan. I love my hang. Grub hub. Dude. Bobby, they come everywhere. Hey, no matter what you want.

Do you want to put in what Steve has in a given day and see how many calories and degrees? Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that. That's no problem. Yeah, let's do that. And I'm going to be honest with you. I hope you are.

Let's take a Delta lounge day, okay? You want to do me first and then you, or do you want to just do you? It's up to, I don't know, Danny, how do you want to run this thing? Let's do me first. Okay, we'll do you first. Okay, ready? First of all, let's go breakfast. Do you want to do today? What you had today? Yeah, we'll't know, Danny, how do you want to run this thing? Let's do me first. OK, we'll do you first. OK, ready?

First of all, let's go breakfast. Do you want to do today? What you had today? Yeah, we'll do today, yeah. What did you, breakfast? No, wait, we'll do it. We'll do on a weekend. OK.

Like, we'll do you a bad worst day. Pick your worst day this week. This weekend? Yeah. Oh, perfect. That was a Denver. OK, go ahead. OK.

This weekend, Danny, you know, we'll pick my day. I had for, I didn't eat breakfast I woke up and what we should we had the food right what was that food the Korean barbecue Korean barbecue this is gonna be a bad day for you Bobby no it's not a You the beanbop? I only ate maybe a quarter of bimbop. So I ate a quarter. At what time? This is breakfast bimbop? No, it's just two.

There's no such thing as breakfast bimbop. I know. I'm saying, oh, this is two in the afternoon, is this your first meal? Two, two, what? This is fucking insanity to me. This is insanity. What are you doing between eight in the morning

and two in the afternoon? How many fucking cups of coffee are you drinking? I drank two cups of coffee. I Had a protein bar. I had a protein bar. Let's put that in there. Now we got gaps. We're gonna fill in it Yeah, so I had a protein a protein bar Danny in the morning put that in 20 grams of protein Yes, sir. So, I had that. Then we went for BimBop. I had one dumpling. I had one... You got to go time in between because it's taking a second to... That's fine. I had... I know how to do a podcast, Danny. Thanks.

Guys, fill in the time between... Yeah, you should talk between the time I'm typing here. That'll be interesting to the fans and listeners. It's two 30 year vets at everything. You guys should be interesting while I'm typing over here. Hey man, it's gonna take me two seconds to do this. So can you talk for two seconds? F**k off. Is it vamp? Yeah, vamp. So I had the the bar and then I had one dumpling mm-hmm had a Wing I think I had a wing and a half We had these really sugary wings right? Yep, and then I had a look maybe a quarter cup of bim-bop

Bip and then the rest of it I took back. I didn't eat it though I threw it in the trash soon as a good man, okay, and then for dinner I had a salad a Caesar salad with a hamburger on it. Wow, that's it That's what I have for the day and but I worked out that day like a motherfucker I went to the gym and I did Jesus Christ. I did chest and I fucking killed it for around 30 minutes. Didn't you Bobby that night? Didn't you also have an order of those lemon pepper wings at, um, more gaps?

No, no, no, he's lying. He's being an idiot. You're being an idiot, Danny. I had that the night before. That night I had just a burger with a salad. Remember? Oh, burger and a salad. Yeah.

Don't fucking set me up. You're fucking autistic because you like Steve. What a bummer. Fuck, he's not gonna take you. This is bad now. So that's what I had. And I didn't finish anything. Not finishing!

You don't have to finish your meal. Did you know that? You could save it for later. No, you throw it. Put it in the refrigerator. Throw it the fuck out. Get it out of your life. Depends on how much you liked it.

What? I'll tell you, I'll give you an example okay ready let's get Bobby's numbers first okay don't talk to my guests like that sorry I mean the crew you have to vamp more yeah we've I got the best crew in the world but they're sick looking they yeah it looks like you should be doing a benefit for them every week they to vamp more. Yeah, we've. I got the best crew in the world, but they're sick looking. They, yeah, it looks like you should be doing a benefit for them every week. They all look like they've died and they were about to die, but came back. Have they ever seen the sun? Have you ever brought them on a vacay?

Like you should take them somewhere. I only take them places at night. Alaska? Yeah. In the winter? I mean, they're all terrible looking. What do we got? Okay, so calorie wise, you have

no way 2000 calories, Bobby. Yeah, 2150. There's no way you you did shows and worked out and lived off of 2000 calories. Buddy, I had a I had a nice protein bar in the morning, had a great lunch, ate until I was full, stopped, pushed it away, and then went and worked the fuck out, so it was probably less than that because I burned a lot of calories. Then I did two shows, fantastic, and then I went and had that big burger, nice burger, ate the whole thing on a Caesar salad. It was great. And then I went to bed. I Smoked a couple of bat and went to bed. I should do that more often. All right. Ready to do me Danny Yep, let's start with breakfast because really breakfast for me was noon. Okay. I went to Sam's and Denver. I ate

two fried eggs bacon great hash brown browns, toast. Okay, stop. And I drink lemonade. What? That's my drink. What? That's not your drink. I don't drink. That's a child drink to make money on the street.

No, I drink lemonade with every meal. That's hors-juice. That's what's killing black people. What are you doing? Dude, I drink lemonade with every meal. Lemonade. I drink three glasses of meal. Lemonade. I drink three glasses of lemonade in the morning.

This is what you're fucking, why did you say at the beginning? Wait, let me finish now. No, I can't. I didn't eat all the eggs, but I did eat all the bread. And how many slices of bacon? Three or four or eight. Four or eight. Did you slip an eight in there?

You're talking fat talk right now, dude. No, there's a couple pieces of bacon. You ate how many eggs? Two eggs, but I didn't eat. I was probably egging a half I ate. So two eggs, how did you not eat the other half of the egg? We're still sitting there. Okay, so two eggs, hash browns, toast. The hash browns weren't great, so I only ate half of them.

And then bacon. Toast bacon. How many? How many? And two and a half glasses of them. And then bacon. Toast bacon. How many? How many? And two and a half glasses of lemon. Okay. So, I'll let you dine right now. The big ones though.

Of what kind of lemonade? The kind that comes out of the, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss I could have nice lemonade. I go to Chick-fil-A. Hang on. There's no such thing. There is lemonade is refreshing Bobby It's lemon and water water. No, it's sugar and sugar and sugar with a little water and sugar Can you please bring up lemonade? Just pull up lemonade just so I know it's fucking tell you that it's better than Better than nothing coffee. It's new. No, no. It's my wake me up drink. How many grams of sugar in it? Why can't I have a wake me up drink? Two hundred.

Two hundred. Oh, sugar is 60 grams. 60 milligrams. Of what? In a gallon? In 24 ounces. I had three of those. You're literally having three candy bars for breakfast.

Okay, hold on. No. That's breakfast. No. Okay, now this day, this was Friday. Oh my God. Friday. I was hungry earlier. So I did have Chipotle at like four. Chipotle is garbage. Chipotle is the best fast food you will eat. It's got no sugar in it. Are you fucking out of your mind? Danny, pull

up right now. We'll bet kid for kid. I'll give you my kid and you or I'll, you can take your kid. I don't want your kid because your kid is any of sugar in Chipotle. I'll give you my kid and you or you could take your kid. I don't want your kids because you're any of sugar in Chipotle. I'm telling you right now there's item a Chipotle bowl. But I take bowl. I should take both of your kids so they'll have some I should get them used to having it now. It was a steak bowl a normal steak burrito bowl. It's not good. With brown rice. Okay.

Brown rice is not as good as white rice. I thought the brown rice was better than the white rice. Do you listen to Rogan? No. Oh. Maybe I should. Yeah, dude. Brown rice is not good for you.

White rice. I thought I was making the right move. Do you see Asian people, brown rice is not good for you. White rice, do you see? I thought I was making the right move. Do you see Asian people eating brown rice? I never see them eating. They're always serving me. That's true too. What is it? Brown rice is not good.

White, white, jasmine, not rice or roni, not like, you know, like, minute rice. Jasmine rice, real jet is good for you. It's better for you than brown rice. I'll get white rice next time. Jasmine, listen, say Jasmine. I truly thought I was doing Jasmine. You are not. I thought I was doing the right thing.

You are not. I get avocado in the bowl. Avocado's fine, that's fat. I get it in there. Yeah, I know, okay. Then, nothing, did the two shows. Okay. Now we're not doing like beer.

You had a bowl though the whole bowl It's a whole fucking bowl. Do you know how much oh god the whole bowl? God hang on one second. Yep. There's six grams of sugar in the Chipotle steak bowl six. Hi, Bobby I'm on the doing those show right now. I love you so much I love you so much. Love you. I'm going to bed right after the shower. So I'll call you when I'm bed. Okay, buddy. I'll see you save me. You sleeping in the big bed or your bed?

Big bed. I will save me space. All right. All right. Do I snore? Do I snore in bed? Not really, right? I didn't hear you. But I think I heard a little something. Yeah, that was your mother. All right, I'll talk to you later, buddy. I love you.

Bye. I don't even snore anymore, dude. My sleep at being mask. I don't even have to use. You don't use the CPAP anymore. Not anymore because I lost the weight and I don't eat shit food that fucks up my wife. Suddenly makes these comments to me and I go like this because I told her I go, Hey, I got to get my wife subtly makes these comments to me. And I go like this.

Because I told her, I go, hey, I got to get my wedding ring resized. It doesn't fit. And she was like, before we start moving metal magneto, why don't we put down the cookies? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Yo, my wife, let me say something.

I love your wife already. My wife said to me one time I came out, I had it in my head for a while ago. Hey, you shrunk my shirt, she goes, did I shrink the bed in the car too, Fatso? Oh, dude. Magneto, and where we go, all right, so you've got it. So now we're at, you got the Chipotle in there?

Hang on, hang on, I got the Chipotle, but did you have anything to drink with the Chipotle? Yeah, what'd you have? What'd you think I had? More lemonade? Another lemonade. One or two? One, it only comes with one. What'd you have to drink at the club? At the club I had lemonade another lemonade one or two one it only comes with one drink at the club at the club I had wine no Tito's and lemonade Jesus

you're living an illusion dude I mean you're you're and then wine at the end of the night what kind of wine red how many glasses who what the fuck and then oh no no no what then and then I'm starving why the chip it's been four o'clock it's now one o'clock in the morning you didn't what time is it now one o'clock in the morning one of the clock and then I have my dinner what you don't eat what are you you're not chicken tikka marsala where you get that at an Indian place? What fucking place? It was open. It was really good. What? No, it's nothing opened from India at one o'clock is good It was awesome. Where from this place? I don't know me Brian O'Neill went what the middle. Did you have the non-brand too?

Yeah, you had bread a little bit. I had a soak up all the the marsala juice. All right. So you hum. Oh, hum. What are you had chicken? What chicken teacum or sal? So it's the you know, it's poured on top of the rice, which was white. You had. Don't try to fuck it was white rice. You had rice and bread. Yeah. One in the morning. Yes, with a sauce. Yeah, from India. Yep. With wine? Well, I'm glad.

You didn't just say and then. You didn't say and then. And then a glass of lemonade. Another glass of lemonade? Why don't you just jump off a building? What are you doing? I went from 1, I was 180 when I moved here two and a half years ago. I'm like 210 now.

Dude, I'm gonna say this to you. It's the East Coast. No one, Ari, nobody, we're going to let you get fat. We're going to let you become a tub of shit. And then we're gonna talk about you behind your back. I think it might be good for my career. It's not. It's not.

I think if I get fat and grow a beard. It's not, it's not,'re a good character unless you're a woman No, I'll become a woman. No, it's not it ruined my career Dude, I got dumped by everybody couldn't book apart every part. I got was fat dude fat guy Fatso it sucked Ruin my career couldn't get anything and there was always a more talented fat dude out there That's been fat way longer than you. He's got fat credibility He's got fat cred and he's TV fat Jack Black TV fat. They know he's established you get fat

You're gonna be I'm new money fat your regular fat. Yeah, I was just fat. Yeah. Yeah, so what do you got? So I'm sure I got everything right. We had two large eggs, two pieces of bacon, hash browns, toast, three cups of lemonade for breakfast. Yep. I mean, 80 ounces, I think that's a little much, but okay. Jesus Christ, the sugar, okay, go. Chipotle steak ball with guacamole. My God.

Yep. Lemonade at Chipotle. Yep. Then I did Tito's and Crystal Light because I couldn't get. That's perfect. Right? It sounds delicious.

Chicken Tiga Mastalla, non-bread and another lemonade. Yep. That's everything. That's everything. Nothing. Whoa, stop. Look at that. When you went back to the hotel, you had nothing?

No little snacks? No, no, condo. No, no, no snacks. Now snack? No, it's promise. Okay. What do you got? No, it's promise. Okay. What do you got? 3,075 calories. Only 100 more than yours, I think.

A thousand more. Can you look at the sugar? Oh. A thousand more calories and look at the sugar. Where's the sugar? I don't see that one. Sugar's right over here. Jesus.

267. 267. Oh my God. And you, did you work out? But here's the thing. No, not that day. I worked out all. That day I did not. Jesus Christ. But the day after you did you work out you but here's the thing I worked out I worked out all that day. I did not but the day after I did what'd you do? I walked for like five miles

Why because we were just taking a walk around Denver How do you know it was five miles? Well because I had my watch on and I think it was like five. I didn't look So you don't know it was probably like three probably it was probably one and a half three or four It was at least a mile to the place that we went to and then a mile back Yeah, my but then we walked around the museum dude. This is like talking to old me just what museum Meow Wolf what there's a touch feel museum in Denver called Meow Wolf. It's an interactive museum. Are you having a midlife crisis?

A microdose. I didn't put the mushrooms in there, too. Oh my God. Just a little bit. Buddy, you got all you have to do. This is all you have to do for three weeks. Three weeks. Okay.

Cut out all sugars. Are you? Look at me. Look at me. Okay. Cut out all sugars. Are you look at me? Look at me stop. Okay. Cut out all sugars. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. All sugars and all carbs. All sugar look at me all sugars and all carbs three weeks And then what happens after that you're going to clean yourself out yeah, and you won't want any of the bullshit And you won't be hungry at those late nights You'll wake up in the morning have bacon and eggs Have them have fucking five pieces of bacon.

Who gives a shit? Ten. I don't care. Just make it headaches though, aren't I? Nope. What do I drink? Where do I do it with the lemonade? It's called water.

It's the only thing your body really needs. You had a lunatic. There's no more lemonade in your life. Look at me. Look at me. There's no, there's no- Bobby. Look at me.

Bobby. Look at me. Look at me. No more, look at me. There's no, there's no- Bobby. Look at me. Bobby. Look at me. Look at me. No more, look at me. No more lemonade. You have water. How's this?

I'm not willing to commit to this. How's this? Wait, we get you a lemonade electrolyte that tastes like lemonade, but you put it in water and it just, it makes it taste like that. How's that? I'd have to try it.

I will get it for you. I will get your address and mail it to you. No more lemonade. Do I add that to water? Take water, put it in, stir it up, ice. Crystalite. Yeah, basically, but a little better for you. Okay.

That's a compromise. Compromise. No more sugar. You were like, no lemonade. But now and now, all of a sudden, we got a little lemonade. You got it. Look at that. We're you know saying like I'm meeting you in the middle here, bro. I'm This isn't for me

Listen, no carbs no breads. Yeah, no breads Okay, that's gonna be tough I can't even imagine a three-week period where I don't have a pasta event in my life. There's no pasta man. No, no, you got it. No, you don't. My uncle's like birthday in two weeks. Stop celebrating. You have nothing to celebrate from. You've done enough. You're turning 70. It doesn't matter eggplant roll a teeny. What am I not gonna what am I gonna scoop the fucking middle out?

You don't need to celebrate have a meatball we have have the meatballs eat the meatballs Isn't there sugar in in sauce eat the meatballs what happened have the sauce eat balls meatballs with cheese All right have that just fill up on that Now we're talking meatballs with cheese. All right. Have that just fill up on that. Now we're talking meatballs, cheese, fried, the light meatballs. Yep. And, and bacon bacon. Yeah. Yep. Yep. So bacon, the breakfast. Yep. Bacon eggs with crystal light. Yep. And crush the meatballs all day. Crush some meatballs, have a steak, have chicken, have some fish, salmon, whatever you want. All right. And then, and then jasmine,

jack, no rice, three weeks, no rice, your fucking maniac, we stop trying to sneak your back in. Dude, I'm telling you right now, you'll clear your system out. And once you clear it out, you're gonna be like, I don't fuck you. I don't you won't crave it. The thing with the sugar that you're Yeah, it's it may it drops shit in your brain You can't control it Doritos has chemicals in it that it literally drips out They made it so it goes corn fructose corn syrup all that shit goes into your brain All the preservatives and it drops shit. I want I need more I want more I know and

you you can't control it's not your fault people are fat because of the food not because they want to be fat if you clean out your system you won't desire that shit you'll want to grape more than you want to fucking cookie you know what I mean you'll you'll want a piece of fruit more than that. You won't want it and you won't want to eat later in that. You'll be full. I think I'd be better then, just to get down to like 200, you know, 190 again.

Yeah, dude. If I cut that stuff out. Sure, dude, but you'll sleep better and you won't snore and you won't have GERD. You won't be going, thrown up in your mouth and you won't look like a fucking weirdo in your stupid... No booze, no nothing for three weeks. Tell you what, my father got very sick.

Wine, just had wine and pasta. And you know what you do to your fucking liver, man? Yeah. Your liver goes fucked up. When your liver goes, that's when you're done. That's when you just get sick, something will take you out. Little things will take you out. You know what I mean? That's, wine is sugar, dude.

Wine is sugar. Stop being a guinea. Look, I gotta have my wine. No, you don't. Have water. It's good for your heart. It is not. One glass of red wine is great for you.

Dr. Oz, it's not. Not for you. You understand? 30 glasses of lemonade and one glass of wine is great for your heart. Dr. Oz, it's not. Not for you. You understand? 30 glasses of lemonade and one glass of wine is great for your heart. That's what the doctor said. I'm here for you. That's all I'm saying. All I'm saying is that I think you thought the calories was going to be three or four times more thousand,

and it was really only like a couple hundred more. Dude, it was 3,000 calories. You did nothing, and it was mostly sugar. I did two shows, two hour shows. Stand up. I'm sorry, were you running around like Dane Cook? I don't know, I sweat a little bit, but yeah. You're sweating because you're fucking dying. It's the poison trend is pour out of your body.

I drank a lot of lemonade that day. Yeah, dude. It didn't look good on him. That did not look good. You have to stop of lemonade that day. Yeah, dude. It didn't look good on him. That did not look good. You have to stop drinking lemonade like it will. What about Gatorade? I drank a ton of Gatorade. Zero.

Gatorade zero. There's a lot of sugar in Gatorade. Yeah. So drink Gatorade zero? Gatorade zero. That's the one that tastes like a fucking popsicle that got left out in the sun. Yes. The juice of that.

That's what you drink. Sucks. So listen, dude, what happens when you drink too much lemonade this beverage is likely safe for most people But it may cause adverse effects when consumed at large amounts heartburn tooth decay weight gain. I mean, this is I mean you've that's me Bobby that's Like I think it's just see rent is easy for a thousand please. I think it's just who is Steve. Ren is easy for a thousand. Please.

I think this is just to lemonade. I think you just have to eliminate the lemonade. Can we start with, I mean, can I, what do I take lemonade for three weeks? It was 35 pounds. If you stop drinking lemonade and you, you're just a mate, you're like 180 in three weeks and you're sleeping beautiful and you and everything is great.

How funny would that be if you were allergic to dumb lemonade? I drink a lot of lemonade. We got the Super Bowl coming up. You're a big- Fuck yeah. I'm not, I love sports. I used to really love sports when I was younger. Being from Boston, it was kinda you had to, you know?

Celtics, Bruins, Ray Bork, Bird, Kale, Parish, you know Jim Rice, yeah Yoskrimski and then when I got into comedy fell out a little bit, got back in later in life you know Pats you know 2004 Red Sox Yankees but then you know, 2004, Red Sox, Yankees. But then, you know, when the, I really got a little fucked up with sports, man, because I felt when the, I talk about this on the bonfire with the Pats when they lost to the Giants. I was so distraught and so angry,

but at that time in my life, I was having such a hard time personally. I'm like, what am I doing? Yeah. I'm just, I'm fucking. How does it in my life, I was having such a hard time personally. I'm like, what am I doing? I'm just a fucking... How does it affect my life? Why is this affecting my life really bad? Like, I'm angry. I'm violently mad.

I'm yelling at people that don't know me. That don't... You know what I mean? And I have a lot more other shit to worry about right now. Then what am I doing? And then I look down, I had the logo that everybody else had on. And I'm like, I'm a cult member. Yeah, you're a sheep. I'm a cult.

I'm a member of a cult. There's a dumb, weird logo on my head. And I'm like, I'm going to just enjoy sports. I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm not going to worry about who's the core, but who's the running, who's the new pitcher, what are we going to win? Because I was so disappointed in my life, especially, you know,

not during the 2000s because we were just killing everybody, but it's like guaranteed at some point of the year I'm gonna be sad and mad because these fuckers didn't make it. So I kind of was like, let me just pull back a little bit. So I'm like, I'm a, I love sports. I'm a casual sports guy. You're gonna watch a Super Bowl. I actually put my first pool in. Oh really? Yeah, dude. Me and three other guys. It's a a lot of money. So what are you guys doing? We got to wait till they we draw we took a number in the thing. Oh, so it's like a square a a box. Yeah. Oh, okay. Go. I thought you meant like, okay No, it's just random. You know, I mean, yeah, that's I do that for my son's baseball team for fundraiser. You do Yeah, yeah, we do one of those. Yeah, but I if I win this I win a lot of money

How much is it a box? Three three grand a box. Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah Really good. Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah. Really good. Yeah. That's 33 times 100. That's $300,000. Something I don't know what it is crazy. Wait, I probably thought it's 130,000. 130,000 131,000 to the winner. 100 times 3000. Yeah, is 300,000. But there's all others, you know what I mean? Oh, okay. It doesn't all go to one person. There's a bunch of other things.

I think the winner, winner, whatever. Okay. But I stand to lose money that I will hide from my wife and fucking... Yeah, you win money. Dude, you got to get... That's your money. Not real. Yeah.

That's another universe that I live in. That goes into a safety deposit box. Yeah. That goes into some... Yeah live in. That goes into a safety deposit box. Yeah. That goes into some, yeah, but no, it goes into another place. I have a secret place. Okay. Because I don't want to- I love it. I don't want to have to go into open, hey, can I get my key and have some other douchebag?

Yeah. Wherever you have it, as long as it goes someplace for you. Yeah. Yeah, they don't, she doesn't know. And I have a bunch of different places. But that doesn't exist. I don't tell my wife about that. Yeah, they don't, she doesn't know. And I have a bunch of different places, but that doesn't exist. Right. I don't tell my wife about that.

I mean, no, why would you? That's none of anyone's, did anyone else win the boxes? Well, they have three guys. Yeah. And that's their problem to tell. So I don't give some to my, I don't like say, hey, you do what I think was Bernie Brillstein told Norm McDonald when he first started winning in Vegas. He won like 50 grand.

Yeah. He said, go oversee my guy at the mirage. He'll find you a safety deposit box. You put 40 grand in the safety deposit box. You take 10, right? You gamble with another five and you buy a nice gift for your wife with five. And that's the, that's the end of it. That's great.

The greatest. So I just, I'm going to buy her a gift. You buy her a nice thousand dollar gift. Right. And she has no idea what's going on. The greatest. So I'm gonna buy her a gift. You buy her a nice $1,000 gift? Right. And she has no idea what's going on. No idea. And the rest of it's yours? It's a great, and hide it.

Hide it? And do bad shit with it. Buy every cigar. Hookers and lemonade and cigars. Oh God. Dude, if I win, I'm gonna get you a whole thing of lemonade. If I won a 300 grand pool, I would, yeah, I'd drown myself in lemonade.

And you'd kill yourself. You'd be fucking having wine, lemonade parties in Vegas. So the super, who do you think's gonna win? I think Kansas City's gonna win. Really? Today. Abarri any injuries or see what's happened. I think Kansas City's gonna win.

I know it's not the popular thing, but I think it's I think they just have a better Coach a better game plan and they got the best player in the world So do you think he's the best? Yeah. Yeah. Yes He's the yeah, no I mean, there may be other players that have stronger arms or whatever, but there's no one that does what he does He's a game. He's he's a game changer. He changes the game He's better than Brady was He if he wins a Super Bowl, he'll have three Super Bowls. He had been to four one three and

He's 26 years old. Yeah, the answer is no well, he might be no Well, it would be hard to if he go, dude, he's been, he's been playing for six years. He's been to six AFC championship game. Okay. And four Super Bowls. Okay. And he's won two of them. He might win three. Brady went to nine. Nine Super Bowls. One six, one seven. He did win seven. He won seven, but he won six with my team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Won one with Tampa Bay.

Yeah. So Mahomes might be halfway there, but already more championship games. How old is he? 20, he'll be 26. Wow, that is wild. Yeah, dude. That's pretty wild. It's crazy.

Yeah. It's crazy. But here's. Now longevity is a whole different thing, dude. He could, you know, that's gonna be the game changer Let's see how he plays like if can you play like this in 10 years? That's gonna be different. That's where he's better than everybody else, but you're talking right now It there is an argument to be made that this guy is on the same trajectory, but he's never had success wise

He's never like Brady has the most epic games Some of them in history. Yeah But those Mahomes bills games in the last two years have been pretty not as good as fucking the comeback Well, yeah, or the or the talk, you know, those were great I mean, and even those are the games you remember if you're young if you're 20 year old Bobby Kelly and living in Kansas City Those Kansas City, those Kansas City games the last couple years

against the Bills were the games that you'll grow up remembering. Yeah, but they came back to win the first Super Bowl he won. Oh yeah. They went for it and they, I mean, that's such a sick game. His first year playing. Against the Rams, right?

Against the Rams who were. Created a show on turf. Created a show on turf and he came back and they went for it. They should have kicked the field goal. They were like, this is stupid. And they won. And that was the beginning of what they did.

Is that you can never count Brady out. What was it, Atlanta? Yeah. 28 to three. 28 to three at my house. And I and I said all we need is to place two crazy plays and we're back in it and everybody there who weren't weren't they were just fucking Giants and Jets fans like go fuck it's over stupid and that took cut to stick it in their faces to I mean, that was crazy.

Yeah, and the fact that Bill Belichick interviewed twice with Atlanta and didn't get the job. Correct, I mean, nuts. Yeah. I mean, the Boston teams have two, the two greatest comebacks in history of sports. Well, you're gonna say the four games against the Yankees? Yeah, of course it is.

It's the greatest comeback in history has never been done in baseball. Down three, come back, come back to win it and then sweep and go and win the series. It was almost done again, but it wasn't. Almost doesn't count. Almost as good for horseshoes and hand grenades. That was always wanted to say that. Thanks, grandma for horseshoes and hand grenades. That was... I always wanted to say that. Thanks, grandma.

I always wanted to do it. Hand grades and horseshoes. I thought I was gonna have to wait till I was 80, but I did it. You should have waited until you were 80, fucking that. I mean, you know what I mean? So, yeah. No, that was the lowest of the low.

I remember being on the front patio of the comedy store, ready to throw a fucking chair through the window. I was down stairs and they went, Liz, give it up for Robert Kelly. And I went on stage. So good in the year before you know where I was about to go on stage with fucking Aaron fucking Boone hit the ball. Oh my God. And then Chirad small came down day one, yo, Robert Kelly on stage day stage they won yo it's over place went nuts I'm on stage about to do 15 minutes of the worst jokes ever I went fuck all of you yeah so bad yeah but I had a drive with right from the comedy story after they lost the fourth game with Ari in the Pauly wagon Pau Shore is dead, the movie. What is that? He had a car wrapped.

We were opening for Polly at the Tempe improv. And he asked if I could drive the Polly wagon so he can promote the movie around the Tempe. So I drove, he flew, I drove with Ari in a wrapped Polly Shore is dead, I don't know, kind of charger. It was a decent car. Okay.

Drove from LA to Tempe right after. Boy. Like right after. All pissed off, like 100 miles an hour. Jesus Christ. How has Pauli showed a hang around? He's gotten better. He's gotten much better.

I didn't ask how. I learned a lot. I didn't ask how it was the hang around with Trump. How was it? What do you mean he's gotten better? Is he well? I mean, I think he's just you know He's become a little you know a little mature. Yeah, so you know it used to be a lot of like Yelp Brow like a lot of like, you know, yeah, didn't seem very gracious Right, you know and now it seems you know, he's a little more gracious

Yeah Well, when you lose your fame when you lose that thing when you're not the guy anymore Yeah, you know this business will humble you. Oh very much so very much so Yeah, and if you were an asshole then you will definitely come down that you will definitely come down earth. Anyway, so that's funny dude. Yeah, I've been humbled man. Yeah. Let's do this thing.

It's a comedian draft. We're going to do this before we take questions and we're out of here. All right. If you mind, you have a couple minutes? Of course. All right. You guys ready for this? Yeah.

You got water right there. That's yours. Can I have that? Can I have a lemonade? Can you can someone get him a water please? I mean, you're fucking listening. I just sit watching him sit there. There's three of them. There's three of them. They're all staring at you. They literally just have to look at you.

They were like, who's gonna stare at the screen if I'm not doing it? Thank you. Thanks, Joey. All right, how are we gonna do this, Max or Danny? We're going to do it like you're drafting for a football team, but with comedians and which comic you'd want to draft for what position on your team. Alright, let's go.

What sport, fuckface? Football? Yeah, football. Okay, go ahead. Do you going to bring them up? We have to save them. Football? Yeah, football. Okay, go ahead. Do you gonna bring them up? Oh, we have to say them. Yeah, you just have every comic. I hate, I hate you two.

What? You're not gonna have them up on the fucking screw. We have to think of them in our heads. You didn't just bring them up. You didn't, you don't have it produced There was we were gonna give you four option like eight options, but then we thought we'd give you just it would be But better just go with all the comics just whoever you want you mean for us to pick choose any comic I yeah, you'd be your quarterback. I can't I want to pick Matt Rife I mean that that's what I'm wondering like are, are we going for like, bring a give us positions to fill and edit all

this out? Because you suck. First of all, I'm dealing with nerds that know less about football. And yeah, they're like, like, what are the parameter? Like, you should for a quarterback, you're looking for a leader, a good looking guy. Like what are we looking like? They're bringing up positions they have no idea. Hannah Gatsby's my quarterback.

Is that what we're trying to get here? Yeah. Sarah Silverman's my running back. Really? You're gonna pick all women? Yeah, why not? Because? I don't know.

You're gonna lose? I don't know what the what the you know, what are we doing here as far as like, I mean, yeah, they did not think this bit out. I mean, look, if we're gonna do if I'm doing offensive line, yeah, can we do a live and dead? Yes. All right, Ralphie, it's gonna be at one end. All right, wait a minute now, you can't just pick all the fat fucks. Why not? I need an offensive line here. All right, good. We got Ralphie at one end and Gabriel at the other. Oh, wow. Okay. No, I'm going to have Panette in the middle. Damn it, Christ. I'm going to have a million of Ralphie in the

middle. No, I need I need guys that can move out a little bit Ralphie is bigger than Panette. Yeah, okay. So he's just got to fall out to the side. I panette's got to be able to pull once in a while and run with a running back. Ralphie would just fall. Then I'd have, uh, oh, Patrice has a guard. Patrice has a guard. But I was going to have Patrice as a running back because he's just angry as fuck. But he's too big.

Yeah, he's too big. No, he's going to fuck. So Patrice has a guard. We need one more guard. Billy Gardell, but he's not that big anymore. Not big anymore. You can't have him Hmm

Isn't there somebody called Kool-Aid that's a fat Oh the black oh you live on a lot. Yeah Crawford. He lost way to though. He did. Yeah, you gotta go Bruce Bruce I think it's Yeah, oh cat Williams is my running back. Yeah, Cat Williams is my running back. Who's gonna tackle Cat Williams? And he can be talking shit about your mother on the way down. Motherfucker, your mother sucked my dick on the way to the football, motherfucker.

I will suck your dick and get into the end zone. Who are you? Oh, man, he'd be a fucking great running back. Steve, throw the ball to me and I'm gonna get them to suck my dick um tight end I think I'd go with different mode dude look at this oh no oh my god so many choices I love they just did an autistic game show by the way to lemonade tasting I would drink all those lemonade no way they're poison it's all poison

let's go please don't buddy don't do it Stephen I care about you dude please don't do it oh my god look at you you're the fucking drug addict. No, no, no, Steven. Steven. No. Steven. Steven. Oh my God, that's enough. That's enough. Don't have any of the other ones. Steven. Tight end. Oh, Gary Goldman. Wow. Perfect tight end. Wow. Big, strong, handsome. Yep. Strong. Nice, but he's got it. He can't get into that anger when he needs it. Yep. Like the water boy. I guess I'd have to go Burt quarterback. I know it's pretty gay, but... I fucking Burt quarterback. Just because he's like, he'll throw the par. Like, he'll get everyone together

Yeah, but he's gonna take a shirt off and do a selfie in the middle of the game I know I'm trying to think of like a better choice and use Matt Reif, but What about Matt Reif or what about Rogan? Rogan roger be a great quarterback. He's got alpha male people listen to him not tall though a great quarterback. He's got alpha male people listen to him. Not tall though. No, he's not tall. How tall is Rogan? Rogan Rogan to be a great fullback for cat Williams. You send Patrice out in the gap to level a linebacker. You got Rogan to fucking run over a safety and then cat Williams is just dancing down. That's motherfucker. Just Joe Rogan just suck my dick inside that huddle It'd be wonderful dude. What about Burr?

QB quarterback. Yeah, great QB. Yeah, like and you know, it'd be great Like if burr is his last three years like we got a burr hasn't won a title yet. So we got to get burr a title Yeah, you got to get a Philly angry burr. Yeah. Yeah, burr is like Jeff George coming over, right? We got to get this fucking guy a title. We could get Lewis Gomez. Lewis Gomez. Lewis J. Gomez before he says, you got him to be like just psycho. Yeah. Psycho.

He could be the, you know, when you're like they bring, you're bringing that quarterback that like that just going to run the ball. Yeah. Like, you know, like the Tim Tebow, that's that's fucking Lewis. Like, you know, he's going to do, but try to stop him because he's retarded. And he's going to run straight right at you. Like he doesn't care. It's it's even if you know it's coming, it's tough to stop, you know, that strength coming right at you. Who's going to be your kicker?

Ari. What? No. Ari can't kick anything he'd go out Who's we got you like a oh Ralph Barbosa? Can he kick I don't know but he looks like a skinny like Latina kid that can probably put it up there Oh, I'm good with that right who's gonna be your who's gonna be your wide receiver. Oh Why receiver man? That's a big one Who's that? Chris Porter Godfrey Godfrey be great one to Godfrey man Brad Williams. What? What? He's my slot receiver Brad Williams. No, he he holds the ball for the kicker

And they accidentally kick you up. You have to paint him like a football so they actually give him score points. Oh. Yeah, Godfrey being a great Red Herst receiver. Who else? Red Herst. Red Herst. Yup. Yeah, he'd be a good quarterback.

He would be a good quarterback. Good quarterback. That's a good choice. There's a problem with him. He'd cheat. He'd throw the game to make that money. Yeah, he would take a dive. We're going to lose by three. Me, a couple of the people have to take a couple dives here. We're going to make a couple.

Yeah, exactly. I'm sad that I'm not on the team. What would I do? Will you stop? What the fuck are you you doing don't even think about it. Don't even think about it, Steven. I'm mad that you got that for him. I just we just decided we're going to do don't look at it. Stop it. Steven, what? It's so good. You're done. You're done. I do feel my gurgle. What is that? Triggering. What is the middle? 160 calories. That's a lot.

Of delicious. No, what is the middle one, by the way? Yeah, I'm not drinking that one. That's unopened. That's, that might be pissed. That's the cellar's lemonade. Ooh, cellar's lemonade. If you don't drink it, you'll never get work.

If you don't drink it, you'll never get work. Who's gonna try that cello lemonade? No, you know. It looks pretty fresh. Did that come out of a gun? No, they make it. He actually mixed the ingredients in it. Oh, I gotta try it. What?

What's wrong with you? I gotta try it, dude. Why? Because it's homemade lemonade. It's a fucking, this is why you have girdin' a weird pillow. Don't do it. Don't do it. You gotta mix it up.

What are you talking about? There's no way. Not good. Not good. That's probably the only one that's healthy for you. Yeah, it's great. It tastes like real lemon. Yeah, it's good.

Yeah, you mean what lemonade is supposed to be? I don't know. No good. Yeah, that's all right. Oh, God. Um, all right, well, you know, I it's so funny, because I've known you for so long. I remember you from punked, you know, I did a punked right? You did? Yeah. You know, I did that with Dane. Really? Yeah, when Dane popped off, they called me up. And they were like, um, we want to do a punk with Dane. And what do you think?

And I was like, well, we should tell him, uh, yeah, they never aired it. He wouldn't let them air it. Oh, yeah. I guess he didn't think it was good enough or it wasn't. I don't know what sometimes guys don't like being but a jokes. But you want to hear the scenario? Yeah, we're going to to I'm taking him to dinner I got to talk to him about something. Mm-hmm. I found the dinner place wherever the fuck it was

Over in Silver Lake. Yeah, I'm where you know, there's a guy on the street doing magic. I have this big Breitling watch That I love everybody. I made fun of me for it. My first expensive watch, Super Avengers, huge. And I'm wearing it and Dane knows about this watch. It's an expensive watch. I love it. At the time it was like three grand for the thing or whatever. And there's some dude on the street doing magic and shit, and we walk through, and I go and I tell him, I'm having a baby with my girlfriend at the time. And of course we're not. Yeah.

It's all bullshit, and he's like, congratulations, blah, blah, and then we're walking out and this guy's like, yo, yo, can we do this? I was like, all right, man, let's fucking do it. And he does a trick, and he takes my watch, and then he fucking does give it back. And I'm like, dude, yo, all right, man, let's fucking do it. And he does a trick and he takes my watch and then he fucking doesn't give it back. And I'm like, dude, yo, all right, enough with the trick and we start to go at it.

And then, you know, I'm like, dude, fuck that. I'm like, fucking call the cops, fuck that. And I call in the cops come and they arrest the guy. And then they want to, all this shit happens. I forget all the details, but all this crazy shit happens. And Dane's like, you know, what the fuck, man, give me his watch back. Yeah, whatever silly shit that was going on. Bobby relax, man. He was like, God, he fucking took

his watch. This is bullshit. And I don't remember how. But he was so basically they wanted Dane to flip out. They wanted Dane to flip out. Dane didn't really flip out. Yeah. And then, you know, and then, and he was like, I don't want you hearing that. Yeah. He wanted this. Was Ashton there? And that was that. That's it. He didn't want to do punked and not get punked by Ashton by the guy. It's almost like a lesser. Why can't I get punked by him? Oh, I saw the difference. I was I did by eight of them. And I would see the difference in the celebrity's reaction. Yeah, when he was there. Yeah. And when he was not there.

Right. Yeah, there's a there's a well, you don't want to get punked by fucking when I when they're when they're like, when I said like, Hey, you're on punked. They were like, what? Yeah. Let's reenact it ready. I'm like, wait, on punked they were like what yeah let's reenact it ready I'm like wait wait dude what the fuck you do relax dude hey listen you're on punked I give a fuck who the fuck are you no dude you're on punk man MTV fuck MTV punk dude Ashton, cut your bro. Who the fuck? What the fuck? Where is he? It's a camera, dude, get the camera down. Where's Ashton? He's not here today.

What the fuck? Oh, fuck, dude. That's that fucking Gerd. It's Lemon Gerd, dude. No, that's what people would get. Yeah. But when he was there, it was like. Yeah, I understand that, though.

Who the fuck wants to be punked? Dude, when? It's like from the Tonight Show with fucking me. When we punked Tracy Morgan and Ashton came out, Tracy celebrated like he just won the Super Bowl. Like he was... Yo, Ashton, you crazy! They were like jumping up and down together and stuff.

He was so excited. Excited. So excited. What was the punk? Me and BJ Novak. Yeah. He played a valet, BJ Novak. Yeah he played a valet BJ Novak and

Tracy was doing the Tracy Morgan show on CBS right for life with Cat Williams. Oh my god. He was on that Tricey shit. Yo cat. That's Larry. I might have cat might have been in the punk I got punk cat. Yo, what's up? I suck my own dick There was a restaurant around the corner where he came for lunch. I keep trying to do the impressions and you keep stepping on it and you're actually right. It's, I mean, it's terrible. Go ahead. Sorry. It's funny. It's terrible. I keep, I keep stepping on your story with my stupid impressions of Cat Williams and Tracy Morgan and And you, I'm sorry.

No, it was funny, dude. I was not. It was not. No, they came to a restaurant and they valid. Tracy had just gotten this brand new Jaguar. I remember that. And he was very excited about it. And so PJ takes the car, he goes into the restaurant, and then they put the car He goes into the restaurant and then they put the car onto a pickup truck To it and I played a tow truck driver Yeah, and they've smashed a window of another car that looked just like his yeah, not his yeah And then he comes out and he's like what's going and I got the car up on the tow truck And I'm like I'm taking this shit to bar stow. Yeah, he's like I valed it I was like well they parked it illegally and it's got to go and he lost it

Yeah, and you know he's he's trying toed it. I was like, well, they parked it illegally and it's got to go. And he lost it. Yeah. And, you know, he's, he's trying to like how much I'm like, well, maybe he gave me like a couple hundred bucks to take it off. Yeah. And he's like, extortion, mother fuckers that go nuts to the impression. You're crazy. You're crazy, Bobby Kelly. You're crazy.

You do your cat Williams and I'll do Tracy Cat were you crazy? Tracy Tracy you suck his dick Tracy. I can't do it. I'm Tracy Morgan you suck his dick and get that get your car off that rig. Cat Williams, you crazy cat Williams. That white boy is in with cahoots. I think we both are just doing old black guys from slavery. And I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I was the one that was right in the rights.

I was the one in the right. In the right, yeah. Oh shit. It was so exciting to see, first of all, his friend who was in on it. Yeah. But no, no, he was not in on it. It was like, it was one of the friends

that did not know was gone. Showed me a gun. Oh no. Yeah. Cause that's the one where you're like, those are the ones where you're like, thank God, Ash is here. Because if he wasn't, you could have fucking got your ass

beat. Yeah, like, did anybody ever get anything of a happen on those where somebody did get hurt or someone got hurt? But a rod came at me a little bit. What happened? That's when we didn't air. Really? Yeah, why did come at you? Because it was dumb what we did to him. We just kind of like did the same thing where we made fun of him. Like he came to a restaurant. And I played a waiter waiter and this was when he was

going to be traded from the Rangers to the Red Sox. Remember there was like, he was going to go. Going to go. And I played a waiter from Boston who really did not want him to be trade. Like that was the thing. Like you just like basically like undercut him. So I was like, you know, no more is better. Stuff like that.

I'm like, I heard you going to the red side. We got no more already. It's pretty good. It's got a couple of championships. How many you got, you know, stuff like that. It was pretty funny. And at the end where he got upset, which anyone would, I basically like club or langed his wife where I was like, you know, I know he's

a no, yeah, I was like, but you ever want to give the real man? Hey woman. Yeah. Hey woman. I'm like, I put my number in the no a, yeah, I was like, but you ever want to get with a real man? Hey woman. Hey woman. I'm like, I put my number in the, No. Yeah, then he stood up, pumps at me and that before Ashton was there,

he usually, Ashton's like, tell him you're on pump, like tell him, and I just did it myself. I was like, you're on punked. And Ashton's like, wait, wait, keep it going. I was like, no, no, no, no, you're on punked. Cause he was coming at me like,

Hey bro, what, you got a fucking problem? Really? And he's a big fucking dude Yeah, he's an athlete. Yes, there's a difference and I could tell you know you see someone who's like I'm not fucking around right now. Mm-hmm And I was like, oh, he's not and I'm like there's nothing between me and him. She's just pulled the ripcord. Yes, so I'm like This is like if he punches me, it's not gonna air right. So let's just try to get it, you know, and then he was like he Basically like really after he Ash and came out he sat down

He was like, okay, and then I think he started rethinking about the shit that he said Mm-hmm, and he had like, you know, maybe eluded to the fact that he was a much better shortstop than no no more Yeah, and he did her. Wow shortstop than Nomar. And Jeter. Wow. And Jeter? Get the fuck. So it was like a thing where he was probably just like nervous about what he and then you know I remember Ashton being like, Hey dude, we will cut you a version. We'll bring it to your hotel and if you don't like it, we know. But if this was right around the time of the Paris Hilton stuff. So I think like he thought like, well, someone's gonna cut it at MTV and they're gonna send it to their friends at ESPN.

Right. You know, and just because it leaks, like everyone, you could apologize, but if it leaks, it's like, it's already out there. And he didn't wanna blow a fucking, you know, the possibility of a deal. Yeah. So literally at like four in the morning,

this was like, we did this at like one, no, midnight, 1130 LA time. I remember like lawyers coming out to the restaurant we were doing it at like 1.30 in the morning. Really? Showing up in like bath robes and like their fucking briefcases and shit because they were like trying

to go back and forth negotiating with him. Like he woke up his lawyers in New York and shit. Yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. Wow. Yeah, because he doesn't want that shit. They could 100 million dollar deal is now ruined because you said some shit about Nomar. Yeah.

And that's all that has to get, you know, somebody, a Red Sox fan at ESPN that's editing it. It's one of these fucking guys over here. No, they wouldn't do it. No, they wouldn't know because they're fucking assholes They couldn't even bring up comics for we had to do it They came up with a bit that we had to produce. I know we're like dead or alive. They're like you choose Yeah, okay great awesome And then he tries to kill you with lemonade this guy thought it was funny to bring it

We just decided you were not gonna do lemonade for three weeks I think they're more interested in this bit than the fucking draft. I mean, thank God you are on a heroin addict. I would have, yeah. He would have smacked out right now. Yeah, he would have thrown a spoon and a needle on the table.

Yeah, let's see what happens here. What a piece of shit he is. I apologize. We got fans from the question. I mean, questions from the fan? I'm gonna do that on patreon, right? Oh, yeah These guys I hate these I'm gonna quit this podcast

You just turned it into a two a one-on-one thing though, dude What you just turned it into a one-on-one podcast now though. It is I like it better like this Yeah, I think so it's great. I mean we do it once in a while. Somebody will stop in yeah two Two five people is too much too much. It's too much. Three people is too much. This was fun. What did I just see a clip though? Was it this one you had Pete Leon and yeah, Voss here. Voss came in. Oh, yeah, he has comp launch. He does because of his age. He's AARP. He's dumb. I love Rich. But like his, his accent, I mean, our accents tonight were terrible, but he tried to do an accent on the clip that I saw.

He did an, but he tried to do Pete. But he, what, no, he just, we were trying to do people and we didn't do it good. Yeah. He did one and nobody asked him to do an old, older black gentleman from the 30s. Yeah. He actually did. What did he say? He said, Danny. Madrava. Madrava. and nobody asked him to do an old older black gentleman from the 30s. Yeah, he actually did. What do you say, Danny? My driver, my driver. I don't understand it.

He just went my driver. What was that? He's 67. That's what it is. He's remembering his youth on the cotton fields. My driver when I was a young boy. Yep. Anyways, we got this is going. All right, here I was a young boy. Yeah. Anyways, we got this is going. All right, here's a deal, man. Everybody Steve, which where are you going to be? What's happened? Oh, I'm going to be in Mugubi's in Timonium.

Super Bowl weekend. Great. Oh, Super Bowl weekend. Yeah. So I thought I was hoping Baltimore was going to be in it. You're hoping. No, you don't want them in it. You do want a minute.

I've done this before. Why? Because everyone's fucking nuts in the city that I don't have a show it. You do want a minute. I've done this before why because everyone's fucking nuts in the city That I don't have a show super Bowl night, obviously, right, but you know Friday night Saturday night people are like let's go dude It's a big week on a weekend. Yeah, right. Yeah, right, but you know, it is what it is It is what it is. They're gonna be depressed and a neat comedy. That's gonna fucking kill themselves Cheer him up. Yeah that and then uh, La Jolla the couple weekends after I. All right, what's the website or Steve rent is easy.com. Go check them out. Hilarious, funny. You doing any more stuff with the Ari? I don't think so. We did that bus tour. Right. How was that

two weeks? Fun. Awesome. That was a good time. Fuckin. We had a lot of fun. A lot of fun. Just drugs, lemonade, yeah, lemonade, lemonade's drugs chocolate chip cookies peanuts and come yeah and then just a I saw his cock only three or four times that's that's not a lot I did sleep right next to him and a little bunk he smelled like fucking gay sex he does have a must about him yeah he has he has gay college kid smell.

Like he just got done sucking dick somewhere. Yeah, he showers like at a weird time. He showers like 11 seconds before he goes on stage. It's weird. And somehow or another, he still stinks by the time we do the meet and greet. I'm like, dude, you should get it. He's like, my fans don't care.

And I'm like, oh. What do you mean? He just says that stuff. Yeah, we do. They do. I know. But I honestly believe them because I looked at them. And they're awesome. But I don't think they really care, dude. They were like in him. I saw him putting on my people have to they didn't they loved it. I don't care. Yeah, they love them. I got my website robert

kelly live.com. Make sure you go check it out point pleasant. I'm going to be at the comics Roadhouse in in Connecticut. I'm going to Tampa side splitters laugh it up. Riot comedy festival I'll be at comedy mothership I'm going back to laugh Boston. I mean, I'm all over the place club 337 in Louisiana. Red Clay Comedy Festival and me and big J just announced that we have me and him actually doing a little bonfire run for a show. Paramount Theatre, Long Island, make sure you go to my website. It was announced last week. Get your tickets now.

We don't have a name for it yet. We're thinking, you know, Bobby O and Big J and Fat Tits or Tummy Time with Bob and Jay or City Sissies or whatever. Go to ComicWerevils.com and get your YKWD gear and use code word Ladybug, get 20% off. Let's speed this up, man. Let's get this through, guys. What do you got? Max Marcus Comedy, all social media.

Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff. And for all things Joe Russell, check out the Cheese Show on YouTube. Your face. All right, these guys that come with me, you're gonna see Max and I believe Danny, right? With me at Poughkeepsie? Poughkeepsie's gonna be Max.

Poughkeepsie's. Oh, God. is gonna be Max. Poughkeepsie is... Oh god. It's gonna be Pinchel. Cancel Poughkeepsie. It's over. It's over. Sorry Poughkeepsie. They're gonna be coming with me at some point. You might see him. Yeah, you might see me. I just did the comedy connection in Rhode Island. Oh, that's a great room. It's the best.

It is a great room. God damn it, those guys, really. Yeah, they're fucking fun. Providence is a fucking underrated city Providence is probably food city one of my favorite Yeah places to go the club. Yep. They just redid everything. They haven't been there in a while so good dude You got to go back. Yeah, gotta go back So make sure you check out all the dates and make sure you subscribe and go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and Become a member and a supporter of the show if you want to If not subscribe to the YouTube page. We're trying to get to a thousand was it a hundred thousand hundred thousand by the end of the year

Right. Yeah, and we're gonna get a plaque and then I'm quitting So if you want this show over subscribe and So if you want this show over, subscribe. And we're going to go to patreon.com right now, patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly. And we're going to do the fan questions because this is for you, the guys who support the show. So if you want to check that out, go subscribe.

And if not, there you go. It's for you. See you guys next time. You know what? The podcast. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs.