Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Remembering Patrice: with Dane Cook

Episode Date: December 5, 2011

Dane Cook joins Robert, Joe and Dan to remember Patrice O'Neal.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Glory Hall Radio Network GloryHol radio dot com. Hey what's up this is Robert Kelly and thanks for checking out You Know What Dude Podcast on gloryhol radio dot com. This week Bert Crischer was supposed to be on. I had to move him to next week. My good friend and pal and comedian Patrice on the O'Past away and Dean Cook another good friend of mine who started with Patrice and me back in Boston came by and we wound up talking about him for a

little while so I felt it was necessary to play this podcast in order my friend Patrice on the O. So I hope you enjoy it and next Monday for all your motherfuckers looking forward to Burt is his podcast so keep spreading the word and thanks a lot What's up? This is Robert Kelly with another episode of You Know What, dude, with Joe DeRosa, Joey D, who's fucking aggravating me today. And I'm aggravating you. Yeah, you're in a shit mood today. No, you're in a fucking cut mood. I'm not in a cut mood. I bought, introduced Dan before we get into this.

Let's, Dan showed him AK Monts of the Voice. Hello. I don't know what else do I wanna say? You guys are fucking fighting at each other. And we have a fucking special guest, like a crazy special guest for Joe and Dan, not really for me because he's one of my best friends. Doesn't really impress me.

No one was saying why you were gone. But impolish. Damn, damn cook is in Joe DeRose's house. Hi, Bobbie, no. We're actually doing it at Joe's house. We usually do it at my house at the kitchen table, which is the same thing, basically. We're less hot and a bigger table. You're also wearing a hoodie.

I have to. Why? What do you have scars and bruises? I love you from your pimpe. I get pains in my fight. Yeah, why can't you take that off and meet us halfway? Because I don't take my hoodie off. I've known you for 20 plus years.

I've never heard you. Don't eat the mic. Listen, I, uh, I, uh, why are you wearing the hoodie? I can say fat people with hoodies. That's all we wear. Yeah, but you're with friends and people that love you. We don't look at you as fat. You love me. Yeah, I do. You have to fucking sigh when you said it. No, I do love you. Which is why I don't understand the way you're being with everything today. With the hoodie, with everything. I'm not, first of all, this is what he said today. We're walking on the street. Pensions are high in this room.

It's not, it's not cutting up with a knife. We usually like this, okay? This is not like a, we joke, we fucking kid around everybody. But every once in a while, me and Joe get a little tense. But today, this is what he's talking about. Earlier I was a little tense. This is why, today man, you wanna go take a walk of me? Which I don't, and then my fucking dumb wife goes,

yeah, go take a walk with them, it'd be good for you. Ugh, so I'm walking with them, because he's gotta go return pants at the Levi's store, because that's what Joe does, he buys clothes, and then fucking returns them the next day. He's Richard with clothes. Okay. You know Richard, yeah. This is is excuse me. This is too cold.

Excuse me. This is too this is too spicy. It's salt and pepper shrimp. Sure. I know. But it wasn't a spicy last time. He does that. So we're walking to Levi's store and he's walking up the street and we start arguing about something and I go I'm with you. I'm walking with you because I'm your friend. He goes, it's casu- lonely. He says that to me. Wait a minute, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. What, that's my side of the story.

Wait a second, I heard. First of all, that's what I heard. Because I said that, that's what you heard it. But you're not painting it accurately at all right now. Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead, Van Gogh. What I said was earlier about you being tense. I said you weren't tense earlier today. I said we had a good time today,

and we were laughing and having fun. And I said, I don't know what happened since I left you to the gap between me leaving you into the podcast, but something put you in a bad mood. That's what I said. This is what put me in, I'm not in a bad mood. I'm in a great mood. My friend what I said. This is what put me in, I'm not in a bad mood. I'm in a great mood. My friend Dane, I haven't saw it in six months.

My friend fucking, my new pal, Monster Voice, who's on my show yesterday. And you, who's my neighbor and my friend, good friend. I'm happy. We're doing a podcast. Yeah, there's something deeper here. We're missing something. I don't know, this is what it is. Is it beyond a walk and a hoodie

that someone refuses to take? Look, we walk in, we're joking around. You're fucking doing weird shit on to walk and I could eat that someone refuses to take it look at we walk in we're joking around You fucking doing weird shit on the elevator and from a weird just fuck you walk in and fucking all of a sudden independent film What are you talking about you're insane? I gotta say there was a simpatico when I walked in with with Joe What does that mean? Is that in San Francisco? How about that? We're laughing Let us laugh. How about over the last, uh, not would it be year to half, two years? Yeah. When I first met, Dean, yeah, we've talked

on the phone a few times. We've run into each other a few times. Every holiday, as I said to you today, every holiday, Dean, little message. Sometimes you said it first. Sometimes it first, past three holidays for pet three holidays though every holiday There was a text exchange to say happy holiday all body. We have a rapport He walked in and it's like I can sleep at his house in the same bed Good in the same bed. Why did you have that at the end? I am a little mad at you. Can we just go, no, no, no, he walked in. I was like, hey dude, good to see you.

I haven't seen you in a while. Okay, do you have anything to say about this? Also, you know what else you do? I don't know. He didn't walk in jiggling and punching my door and then going, you make me fucking sick. Maybe that's got something to do. Did I say that?

I embrace you when you come into my part. This is why, because Joe, this is's got something to do. Did I say I embrace you when you come into my part? This is why because Joe this is this is what Joe has to do because when you come to the door He knows what coming up he could open the door for you, but he's got to keep it locked when you come to my house I do that you've never done that once ever That's how I know you're being a dick cuz I do it to you and I'm being a dick. You're just stopping the deck I'll come up with you I don't go here's how you run your household, but maybe he I got Bobby's towards life. It's not a household It's an apartment. It's okay. It's Mr. Brady relax with your household. I said it to be funny

I know and I said my shit to be funny. Dojo guys you guys are both trying to be funny Listen, maybe Joe just didn't want us to see him playing Rayman on Xbox. Even though he outed himself that he plays 2D games for the living world. Let's talk about Audi, Dane. Let's talk about Audi. Every time I've told him and bought that game they go, why did you? Why? Dane, I go, he goes, what are you playing? I go, don't make fun of me. I'm playing Rayman his fucking eyebrows wet up He goes those are great Great graphics on those There's another thing too. I find you know

I've been playing video games with you mr. Cook for shit. We played soldier of fortune That's right we played quake on the computer quake three. On the computer back in the day. You before you were born, monster voice. How old are you? 28. Yeah. We used to play on the computer all night. I mean, I think I think 12 hours was our longest stretch. Well, it sucked for me as I'm on the East Coast. He's the West Coast. So, you know, it's literally nine in the morning and he's still got fucking, he's still in the six in the morning where he morning. So my wife's looking to make you an asshole and I'm like fucking exhausted. I always knew that it was getting bright

and you couldn't see your screen as well when you'd start dying a lot and you'd be like, dude, there's a fucking shaft of sunlight on my screen. I couldn't see the plasma rightfully. Yeah, we used to play with the mouse and the keyboard. What was it, WD12? What the fuck was it?

We had, we got Alienware computers. It was ADWX. No, S, ADWS was forward, back side to side. And then you had the mouse with a click and the shit. And then we moved on to Quake Arena. You guys play that? No, no. We used to play all kinds of shit manly shit and now you're playing

Skry what screw for full Skyrim Skyrim. Yes, I that's what I Feel your room is yeah, it's a fucking fantasy land an epic fantasy. It's modern warfare except you're a goddamn Like medieval fucking magic war. Worthy if you know skills. What did you say? What did you say? Medieval magic war. I want you to add. I want that to be your fucking screen name.

That's not on me. You want to explain to people magic warrior. Gil de Rosa. That's gonna be whatever the fuck that is I get. I don't even know what the fuck magical. What is that? Medieval magic warrior. That I'm magical one of the magic warrior that magical Magical is the key and that sounds I Don't think that'd be fun. No, where's the box? Do you have the box? I don't have you and I asked for Christmas for my

Skyrim I'm gonna get it for you for Christmas. No, I'm gonna get it just a ruin that gift Listen, I'll just not use the one you That logic is not Listen, I'll just But you can't you can't jump in a game like that much later because then all your friends are you know I'm gonna be like level 48 Centaur with you know Pearl shield and you're not gonna be able to step up to me. Well, I don't play What is that? Let's just talk. Let's just talk modern warfare. What is level synth as purple shield?

Purple shield. Why would you? Why would you? It's like Swarzenegger hiding in the battle lady in total recall, right before she... Right before she'll get ready for a surprise. What? Pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa-pippa Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why would you play this game?

Why would you play this game? Because it was interesting. I love Gra- I don't just like the game, like graphics. You always have been into like graphics and how, you know, I don't know, it just, it looks cool. Yeah, but you're also like a fantasy. See, you're in the bottom of the mic. You're a, you got a nerdy vibe to you.

Like, I don't like me. Oh, sorry. Yeah, you got that nerdy, you know what I mean? You, it's fantasy, it's space, it's all that shit. Yeah, I grew up on them with D&D stuff and all that, you know? D&D, you played fucking Dungeons and Dragons. I love dragons. What can I say?

I love dragons. You played Dungeons and Dragons? I love dragons. What can I say? I love dragons. You played dungeons and dragons? I wasn't allowed to. My mom wouldn't let me because I was in grade school, Catholic grade school right at the time that that whole thing was happening where they were saying. You were satanic?

Yeah, they were saying they get with some demons. Shit, so I was never allowed to play. Dungeon Dragons never appealed to me though, because it was like, you had to read a book and roll the dice. There's paper. Yeah, paper and pencils. It's like, that doesn't look like fun to me.

It was kind of boring. You fucking dungeon dragon stinks. Let's just, but that's why this is the best part of that without rolling dice and everything. So you're immersed in the world. So you get to run around like Call of Duty. Yep. You have a sword.

Yes. Swood. And spells. Do you have spells? Spells. Okay, so then what do you do now you get you going through this stuff and all of a sudden the troll comes upon you what do you do? You fucking fight it with your magic, what do you do, Joe go? What do you do? I'm a troll? I'm trying to smite it first smite it with my indignity spell what? I don't fucking I don't have the game yet. It. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. This is how much fucking monster voice I think is affecting this program. We haven't got one donations since I said

donations when we get donations we give we're gonna give 20 dollars to monster voice right because he's still working a day job He's about to quit and be a full-time comic next month, I believe 14th 14th and he's gonna be that's it for He's going on a Tory booked a Guinness thing, but he still works at a restaurant. You remember those fucking days? At, uh, he, nobody, nobody's donated a fucking thing. You changed the button though, remember? I don't think I'm a fake. Change the link. I think, I think people think they have to donate 20.

I'll tell you why, is it just a straight donation? You can donate whatever you want. Oh, it's not I see you can donate whatever you've done A five a ten we were getting more donations when it was ten and twenty dollars, but you were giving away the CD Two well, yeah, I was giving away. I can't do that anymore because it's it was fucking it's putting this on me Well, that's that might be why but now you can donate whatever you want And they're not I mean don, I mean, I would. All right, well, this is what we're going to do. We're going to, I mean, I shouldn't say I wouldn't.

I'm just saying, like, I get why somebody's too lazy to go and, I don't know, because there's no incentive, right? I don't know. I don't know. What do they get? I don't know how about a podcast every fucking Monday? Yeah, even for donation. It's a greedy world we live in.

I don't know, but I think I think he fucking jinxed. I don't think I jaced it at all. There we go And just to put this out there. We're not giving him anything anymore. No You can go back to fucking donating to me. I didn't even feel Joe's podcast. I didn't even feel comfortable after After Jesus Christ. So anyways, let's get back to the fucking the man of the hour We are what you dain You're the man of the hour my entire life you've never said that I'm the man of any hour You're the man of the hour you're the man of the hour and eight minutes that we're gonna do I just want to get to this this is an interesting fact. I don't know if you guys know this

but you know me and dain have been friends for a long time and Dain bought my fucking watch. I'm wearing it right now. Yeah. But it's not your watch, it's the same. It's my watch. Yeah, there's two watches in this room.

That's my watch. It's similar, but it's a brightling. You know, else did this? Super Avenger. Yeah, you know, but it's my watch. You're not the first person to do that. No, this betriste did the same fucking thing. God rest his soul. That motherfucker bought the same watch.

They both called me up and went, Yo Bobby, what watch you got? I go, I white-faced Super Avenger, Brightling. Okay, cool, click, and they show up with the fucking watch. No, this is different. No, it's not. It's the same. That's the little wheel.

We have different, different. That's the way it is different. No, what is it? Look at the face. Look at the face. Look at the face. I have the classic. You've got the little circles in your Bobby. Yours looks like you're flying a plane with it.

And that looks like I'm actually just trying to tell the time. Okay, okay, okay. All right, I'm better. I feel great. Our watches are not the same. There you go. All right, all right, we're good. We're back.

We're really almost lost it on that one. Could I have been waiting fucking well, we haven't seen you since the got the watch. You know, if you really want to talk about, you know, the watch, maybe we'll go back to talk about the fact that you bought the exact motorcycle that I have. What? Oh.

Matching motorcycle? That's a bigger deal than a watch. I had a Honda, I had a Honda shadow in like 1993, and I pulled up in front of Nick's family stop. Yeah, I like that. He just pulled that car. Yeah, yeah. The motorbike was like, dude, I'm gonna get a bike to did so we can go tandem. What does Bobby pull up?

The exact same color, make model of my bike. He went by bike. He just, he added tassels to his bike, which is a worse addition. It was the first time I ever hated Bobby. I remember really being like, I think I might hate him. I hate him. I was so mad. You never told me you were mad.

I rarely rolled the bike again because I was like, Bobby bought my bike. That was my identity. Wow. You know what, man? Wow. I was right. You know what, man? I saw him pull up. He pulled up on that fucking motorcycle. I was like, it was dream shit. It was it was I just imagine Bobby's view of it.

There's like a mist around Dane. It was like it was like it was like grease too. Who's that guy? Who's that guy on that motorcycle? Who's that guy if they knew it was my girl? Dude, you know all the lyrics to Grease 2 songs. I don't know, just that one. Yeah, you're the only one. Damn. Fucking cast us another layer. You were in the fucking play.

Not Grease 2. Grease 1? Yeah. Well, Grease 1 is classic at the class. Yeah, but that was a Grease 2 song you're just saying. And I only know that because I know Greece won so well. My Greece too is not cool to know. Stakes, it's a random.

I thought it was Mike. Did you know the plot of Greece too? Yeah, it's the worst sequel plot. It's up there with Arthur II in shittiness in like how much of the rocks. Oh my God. The plot of Greece too is on the rocks. They just, Greece won as this explosion hit in the theater,

so they gotta make a sequel. So they just remake Grease, and they go this time, instead of it being a chick from Australia, it's gonna be her male cousin from Australia, who's a nerdy guy and doesn't get it. But Michelle Fyfe was pretty hot. Yeah, and he's gonna pay the house. Crazy hot, you think ladies.

Crazy hot, I love it. Crazy hot, I like it better than, you know, the Grease one with Travolta, I mean it's great movie because of the shell fight Michelle fight for guy reasons. Do it Olivia Newton John. Yeah, she was bad. But she showed us. No, was she showed up at the end of the fair? Oh, when she threw the note in the fire and her fucking fully dissipated. I would have begged the Rizzo. She sang Rizzo. Yeah, who wouldn't have. Yeah, chaining whatever name yeah, who wouldn't have yeah chaining whatever name was I would have To fuck her down the new guy who has her name

You would have had dresser the Jew hairdresser who's the hair Yeah, oh, yes you was cute. You was cute. No the only one I wouldn't be Yeah, oh, yeah, she was cute. She was not cute. No, the only one I would The only one I wouldn't bang is the chick with the teeth that was going brush your brush your brush. Oh No, the boy no her boy and that the one is really hot the chick that was on empty nest eventually Yeah, that was fucking she was wow I was at the slutty one. Yeah, she's like bang well, Rizzo was a slutty one. She was Which one was that? Was that the sluddy one? Yeah, she's like banging. Well, Rizzo was the sluddy one. She was the one banging all the shoes.

Like the elitist kind of high class one who seemed like she was like too cool. Yeah, always trying to fuck the guy from the TV show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vince Fontaine. She fucked him. She fucked Vince. Who's the Latin chick?

She was my favorite. Peach is Rodriguez. No, wasn't peaches Rodriguez. I was John D. D. Gregorio. I was taking peaches Rodriguez. I was gonna say something though. He fucking said it with such confidence. I immediately followed. I got. Yeah. That's that was her. Peaches Rodriguez. That's a comic. There's a comic name.

Oh, down. I thought maybe that's where she took her name from. Holy shit. You don't think though in the number two, I can't believe we're fucking breaking down. Minus six on Grease two. We're breaking down Grease and Grease two. I think Grease two with him, it was almost like, what was that movie,

my bodyguard meets Grease. He had to get the motorcycle, find the parts, build it, become the new Michael, the alter ego, learn how to ride and a part. Teabirds had to accept him. Yeah, and then he had a, he had to teach him how to pop wheelies and then, and then he finally, then he could jump cars

without a ramp. That's the first movie, huh? It's just, I always love that man. I love that in a movie when they used to jump a car without a ramp. They used to just, I love that he popped over.

Yeah, I just popped over. And then they land, I love a ramp. They used to just, I look like a pop-dover. Yeah, just popped over. And then they land. I love that shit. I love that movie, Stu. You remember movies back in the day before they really knew how to make movies when they, you know, a car would jump over something and then literally, that you could see the tranny just fall out

and the front grill just snap off. And then next thing, the car's fine. Totally fine. Yeah, it's just part of fish tails for like three seconds. And then, yeah, the door falls off and the guy's head is hang up and then it's just fine. It's not man dies So anyways So anyways Bobby hacked my bike. I hacked his bike. His first hack job ever Here's a deal. I went I wanted that bike so bad, bro

Because you should you pulled up in front of an X-Comed stop. And this was before, you know, look man, you're fucking, you know, the chicks, all the fucking brods now, all the chicks, you know, I've been on tour with you. It's ridiculous. But back then. Back then you were just a dude. You were just a regular motherfucker. You had a girl, just one chick, she was a square. She wasn't even like fucking an 11. She was a good looking girl. And he was just a regular fucking dude. I was getting more pussy than you back then. Huge. Dude, I was getting some, I was the fucking motherfucker.

Obviously, this guy rolls up on a motorcycle in front of Nick's with a helmet and I'm like, what the fuck? And I'm the one who wore the leather. I'm the one who fucking, I'm just gonna have a wife. Let me tell you how good a shade Bobby was in back in the day. He had a picture, maybe like four by six,

in his apartment of himself. He had a shirtless with nun chucks. I know. He had like an eight pack. He had like abs on the side waiting to join the cobblestone path. He had the long, I don't even know what that meant. Curly, mullet. He's down to his, like a crystal gale hair

all the way down to his ass. Did he have a headband on? Dude, I'm not even kidding you. He was the prettiest fucking most rock solid. You were like an MMA fighter back in the day. Oh my God. Oh my God. Where did he go?

He's there. He's there. He's there. He's just lonely sad. Some. But here's a deal. I took the Palm of Cart. Palm of Cart. He's story.

It's like the real Bobby Kelly is dead. And you replaced them. I'm a Fobby. I'm a Fobby. I went, I remember he pulled up. And I was, I became, you know, the same thing we do. I just, I gotta get a motorcycle. I gotta get a motor, whether it be, you know, I gotta get that jacket. I gotta get that fucking new iPhone case. Same shit even back then trying to fill the hole with something.

And I went, I found, I had to get a 500. That's all I knew. Because the 500 was the bike. Right. And you didn't have your license No, you didn't have to write in my second now And then I went I found a fucking shadow 500 and it was I this is how I got the bike I would have never been able to afford the bike, but I got a check in the mail first $5,000 from a company called HBC or something like that.

And I knew there was a thing up on Route 1, an HBC bank or something, a financial loan company. They sent me a check for $5,000. This is when I was 18. And what was it, the regulation? Nothing, I don't know, because you know when you're 18, when they just sent checks of money to the mail. As soon as you're legal, as soon as you're 18,

the credit card companies fucking kill you because they know you have perfect credit, they know you're gonna need the money and it's a great time to get you. And I didn't know about credit cards, I didn't fucking have, you know, so I went to this place with this $5,000 check for shits and giggles, they cashed it

and gave me $5,000. They didn't give it to you on a credit card where they were like, oh, now we're gonna get, you know, interest and they gave they cashed it and gave me $5,000. They didn't give it to you on a credit card where they were like, oh, now we're gonna get, you know, interest and they gave you cash. It was a $5,000, they gave me $5,000. Are you with the mob now? Yeah, somebody's back. I don't know what.

It was a $5,000. You were feeling that company, right? It was a $5,000 check. And dude, I owed that company for fucking, that ruined my credit. That was my cell. Yeah, you, it was, that was a $5,000 check. Dude, I owed that company for fucking, that ruined my credit. That was a stipulation. Yeah, you, that was a stipulation. Yeah, it ruined my credit.

But I didn't know about credit. I took that money and went out and bought a fucking 280Z with teetops and I bought a motorcycle the next day. You bought a car and a motorcycle. I bought both. This is Christ. We are white trash. Just a black.

Jesus Christ. is Christ. We are white trash. This is the one. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. I bought $5,000 for free. Oh my God. Please, Rich. Please, Rich, Rich, but come on, I get on the point.

I bought the motorcycle. And then I remember I pulled up, and I never knew you were mad, but I knew I was a fucking kind of a dick move. But I did put saddlebags on it and tassels. Yeah, you tried to hide it with like more Flair on the bike, but it was still like my bike. I made it look like a Harley mine I put it with highway pegs on it. I crumbed it out. I put chrome wherever you could and then I put the saddlebags and a

And a fucking the tassels on it and never wished for anybody to crash ever in my life until that day. You want to lay it down? I just hope that he's like, dude, I do. You can, you can hear that, Joe. Huh? They can hear that fucking. I did it because I thought you guys were hot. Uh, we were hot.

I was fine. You can hear it. I'm good. I'm good. There you go. Walk over hear it. I'm good. I'm good. There you go. Walk over there lonely. Hit the button. We haven't on last time.

Yeah, if you haven't on at the beginning, it's fine. You can't just throw it on. Now it's loud. Huh? The fan's fine. Okay. Bring the fan on over, Joe. The passive aggressiveness between these two is-

It's almost like watching a mayor couple of like 30 years that's on the rocks. but we're not picking up. But me and Joe, and the kids, we are. You know what energy this feels like? When you work a girl all night long on your couch and then finally when you have like the, the cajon is to go for her vagina. And she's like, I can't this week.

And you're like, I just, we couldn't you have told me that at the beginning of the night. Which one of mine that story though? You're the chick with the tampon. I'm the chick. Yeah. Why? No. Yeah. Which one of mine that story though? You're the chick with the tampon. I'm the chick. Yeah. Why? I know. You're the girl. The girl in town.

Made you happy. Didn't you, pencil van your boys? Oh, Jesus Christ. It's not mine. I know. I know. It's not mine. It's all right. Do you leave a mark? No. Oh, fucking panicky Pete. Just, you know what? I got to fuck it. Who's the born?? No, I fucking panicky Pete just you know what? I got to myself who's the bomb this was left here by we're talking about a bureau right when he moved out This was talking the microphone Joe will girlfriend. Yes. Yes. This is his place. It's actually Billy Chris I gotta keep reminding him to talk this we're doing a podcast Speaking of the mic. Yeah, uh, this is the his girlfriends and I don't want to make sure I don't mess it up in anyway

We got you water ring or something. So anyways, anyways, dude We I mean I'm not to fucking get a lot of but you know, let's let's you're in town for a couple days You're in town for a reason yeah, I'm a good friend and I know we we I don't know if we should have started with this or Fucking even talk about it. I don't know I mean you got to talk about or fucking even talk about it. I don't know. I mean, you got to talk about it a little bit because it's reality and you know a good friend Betrice O'Neil passed away. Yeah You know, we started with them and you know Joe is good friends with them and you knew who he was soda And I'm a couple times maybe right? Yeah, I'm in a multiple anyways, you know

I know it's it, it's fucking shit. It's bullshit and it hits me. I don't know about you guys, but it hits me in waves, you know, where all of a sudden it's, I'm sitting there and I'm just out crying. And I'm just, I just think about, you know, I used to call Patrice about everything, anything, you know, a video game or a fucking new phone or a fucking... Something stupid on TV. He would call you too, just Bobby. Did you ever see fucking the video and you're like, what?

And then you run over to your computer and watch a stupid video. And you talk about it for two hours. And it would just go into another... it would just, it would multiply. The conversation would just multiply from one little fucking thing that he'd bring up into something else, into something else, and it. We started with him. So it was like, yeah, that's our graduating class. There's only a few people that know from that very early point. There was a lot of other guys that fell off that we don't even remember, but at the core, it was like Patrice was there and you and me and, and, uh, Burr and Al and there was like a few guys that were always hanging out. Gary Gullman

came in a couple of years in. A couple of years in. Yeah, we, uh, he always like to say, uh, a couple of years in because he wants to, that's why I'm behind some of these people. Ha, ha, ha, ha, not as far along as Dane because I'm two years after him. But yeah, man, it's, you know, he had a massive stroke. People know that. And he just, he couldn't recover from it. It was just a massive thing. And it's not, people say, you know, diabetes being fat, but this could have happened to

any one of us in this room. People don't realize a stroke could happen to any one of us anytime. A blood clot could hit your brain and it could happen. We don't know if it's because of, you know, he was a big guy or whatever. He was doing well. He was doing good, you know. His girl said that he was really doing well. He was working out and eating the right and he was always trying right you know

um... accepted as barbecues yeah when you have the barbecues i don't know if you know this if you if you lived here you'd be invited you would have went but uh... every year he'd call you up and only a certain people he'd call you up and be like uh... yeah what's up uh... i have that barbecue uh... this weekend will come like really like n-challenge. Like, all right, man, I'll be there.

All right, I'll see you later. Don't bring anything, I got everything. And you go there, he literally had everything. It was in his townhouse in Jersey City, which was, you know, the hood. It's kind of like, it was the hood, but it's in his back, it's not really the hood. It's like, you know, all townhouses, but it's kind of in the hood. It was good. It's the hood, but it's in his back. It's not really the hood. It's like, you know, all townhouses,

but it's kind of in the hood. It was like a section that they promised that was gonna, was up and coming that never really fucking, never up and came. You know, he knew that one day when he came out and it was fucking car. His truck was on Cinderblocks. Yeah, classic Patrice too, when he,

when he invited, I remember one time I go, I go, Patrice too, and he, we need to invite you. I remember one time I go, I go, Patrice, what can I bring? I was like, on my way out there, what can I bring? And he's like, nothing, man, we good, we good. And I'm like, nah, dude, I don't, I don't like showing up empty handed. Just give me something I can bring. Nothing we good, man. I'll bring a couple of six packs of beer.

People drink the beer. And he's like, Joe, man, look, if I understand if you need to bring something for you, for yourself a steam to make you feel good, then bring it, but we don't fucking need shit. You know what I mean? It's like, how did he just turn that into a commentary on myself and how I feel bad?

But it's, but how many people have said, I don't wanna fucking bring something to this party, but I feel obligated. And so. But how many people have said, I don't want to fucking bring something to this party, but I feel obligated. And so he got it. Yeah, right, right. Exactly what it was. Yeah. You wanted to make yourself feel better about it.

Yeah, it's what it is. I know. That's how brilliant he is. Funny, yeah. That's why he's, I fucking love talking to that shit dick because he was so right on the money. And if you got him he would take it. Yeah. Not not all of us do that. You get him he takes it. Right. He'd be like, I'm on the fucking right goddamn it. I suck. He's. And there was no courtesy laugh with Patrice. No.

If you made him laugh, you like, Oh, okay. Yeah, you made him laugh. Should work on that as a bit because, yeah. Patrice, Patrice, Patrice, but if he, I don't know if anybody, the stare of like looking through you when he was like really listening and you weren't connecting, yeah.

Was one of the most intimidating things ever. You know, when he just, yeah. Looking at you, and you just didn't know where to You know, when he just... Yeah. Looking at you. And you just didn't know where to go with what you're saying. Yeah. And he wouldn't help you. No.

No. No, like a, yeah man, I get it. Just waiting for you to figure out where the point was. I've had some vicious fights with them. Like vicious arguments. And he actually taught me how to be a better friend at one point. He was staying at my house in LA when I lived there.

I lived in Culver City and he was doing that showtime, remember that showtime thing? Remember you got the showtime special? That was a competition. It was a competition. You went up and did time and got call back. Oh my God, yeah. We both did it.

Yeah, yeah. And we both got a call back. And I didn't make the second cut. And he did. So we had to come back again. And he was staying at my house. He was like, I'm gonna stay at your house. I was like, all right.

And he's sleeping on the floor on a blow up mattress. And I remember he was like, he wanted me to drive him everywhere. And then go pick him up. And I was like, he wanted me to drive him everywhere and then go pick him up. And I was like, what the fuck? We got to a huge fight because I wasn't in the competition anymore. He was gonna get it, I was supposedly. And then he called me up like, you want to ride and I was like, Jesus fucking Christ, I'm not your fucking chauffeur.

I wanted to fuck, you know, he wanted me to go get him at the land factory, which I wasn't even in at yet. I felt uncomfortable going there. Right. And I got a big fight. He was like, I mean, you're fucking show free. He goes, no, you're my fucking friend. You're my friend, and that's what fucking friends do.

You come and you pick me up. When I ask you to come pick me up, you come and fucking drop me off. You let me stay in your place. You feed me, you shelter me. You fucking loan me money when I fucking need money That's what you fucking do and I was like I was like you fucking you're right like I walked away like he's fucking right. That's what we do

No, you don't you don't question it. You know, yeah, dude. I'll go pick you up because he'd do the same shit Even though you don't think he would you You think a guy like Patrice wouldn't, because he's so powerful and so big, he would. He's done it. He's helped me. You know, I remember, I got a queasy and I don't fucking pin any maker, because anytime Patrice had money

when he got a pop in the business, he would buy shit for people. He just called me up one day, Bob, you got to get one of these. I was like, I got one I'm gonna get you on fuck it Just showed up my door the pinini maker That I still have but and then I remember he got this big fight and he told me that was most one of the fucking Craziest things a friend's ever said to me as far as being a friend and then he said um He came back was only to one of the other time. So I bet you get he said he came back, only the only time I was up a tree he's get emotional is he came back

from the showtime thing and they wanted him to change one piece. They wanted him to change his set. And he was sitting there, he started crying. He was just like, fuck, I just wanna fucking do this. Can't I just do this my way? Why do they have to fucking break me to let me in? Why do they have to fucking make me their bitch? Just a little bit to let me in.

I can't just fucking make it as me. He goes, if I change this, I'm fucking doing what they want. I think this is funny. What do you do? He did it. He did his own way and he got the fucking special. So there you go. That's fucking Patrice.

And I didn't understand. I was like, dude, just change it. That little weasel I am. Dude, it's another big deal. Just change it. Do you gotta do weird wig? If you gotta wear a wig, wear a wig. Fuckin' black-faced asshole I am. I'm really suck.

You know? Well, you're gettin' a argument out of me. You know what, Joe? That's why you have the red microphone. I feel like the negativity. I like the red microphone. Yeah, you got it because it's yours. Negative man.

He was, no, we talked. Like the red microphone. Yeah, you got it because it's yours. Negative man. He was, no, we talked about this on, on OP and Anthony the other day. He, he, you know, the thing I, I remember I called him once and I go, I go dude, I, I'm having a really hard time on the road because I'm trying to do stuff that I really want to do. And I'm getting, I had had, I'd come back from a gig, I had two people come at the stage

and try to like beat me up because of this material I was sorry about Jesus. I'm sorry dude. What? I'm, I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing. That's not, it's funny. Well, yeah, it was funny. I know.

I was just laughing. Of course. I don't want you to get hurt dude. But the thought of you getting hurt is fuck. Just's funny just people running at stage you cuz I could just see a crinkle face And you pushing your glasses what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck I was yeah, I was really I was really upset. I had what was a joke. What was a joke? It was you know, it was a insightful joke, but I did a joke where I let us be the judge of that right say It was an insightful joke, but I did a joke where I... Let us be the judge of that.

Right, let us five, seven years ago, at this point, however long it was, but I did a joke where I said, when I'm tired of people telling me, I can't make fun of Jesus because it's offensive. And I would go, fuck Jesus, fuck him, fuck him. And I'd stare at the ceiling and I'd go, fuck you, you fangit, and I'd yell at Jesus. And then I'd go, and it would get really tense,

and I'd go, okay, it's very tense right now, but here's the thing, you could say, whatever horrible shit you wanna say about all the other religious people, nobody gives a shit, and I would go on this tirade, and I'd go, fuck you, Muhammad, I'll fucking glaze your face with my jizz, and fuck you, Moses, I'll fuck you in the ass, and I just went through, and insightful.

And it would get, like, to it, no, not insightful, like, I didn't mean it insightful. Moses or fucking in the ass and I just went through ever and insightful and it would get No, not insightful like I didn't mean it's Shut up Joe. Let us laugh I want to laugh I didn't put the perfect timing and fucking tone of voice and talk I didn't mean though. I didn't mean insightful like insightful like inside I meant like it's inside like Insighting like it's insightful, like, insightful. I meant, like, it's inciting. Like, it's gonna incite a fight. That's how I meant that. That's how I meant it.

All right, that battle in mud. Yeah, whoever. Ride on this dream. Whoever, you're listening to this. So please rewind it and see you, Judge, if Joe was being insightful, or he was inciting this thing. That's, I said it, I swear to God, that's what I meant.

Yeah, okay, sure. Okay, okay. But I would go through, I would go through all the other religious leaders and say all this disgusting shit and it would be getting bit la. Huh, people clapping because they thought it was so crazy and so funny. And then I would go and fuck Jesus at the end of it

and it would get silent again. And I was like, see, see? That's what I'm talking about. And then it went on from there. And I thought it made, I thought it made a point. Maybe it didn't make it in the most elegant way, but it made a good point, I felt like, and I liked the bit.

And in fact, Jerry Stiller saw me do that bit once. Who's that? Jerry's bed stiller's dead. Jerry Stiller. Jerry, Jerry Stiller from fucking science. And what did he say? He was like, you do good material signs. It's insightful stuff.

He said that. You do God's work. I thought you were going to. You guys fucking delusion. Oh, he's doing. She was probably just happy that I was going, fuck you, Jesus. Yeah.

Anyway, anyway, I did the bit. Two guys stood up. They're like, we're going to beat the shit out of you. All this stuff, right? And I was like, Jesus Christ, I'm like, I'm just trying to fucking... Did you use the name of Vayne after that? I don't remember, but I'm just like, I'm just doing a stupid joke,

who really cares at the end of the day? And then, I let you believe me, I got a letter, I got a letter from the club, the club sent me a letter, people wrote in. It's not funny when you make fun of Jesus. And I was like, That should be the name of your next CD.

I don't know why that stuff. It's not funny when you make fun of Jesus. It's not funny when you make fun of Jesus. But, other than that, are you insightful by Joe DeRose? I'm reading. I'm never gonna live that day. People fucking running behind you as you're running down the street.

It's an insightful evening with Joe DeRose. That's funny. Yeah. And I'm reading the letter. And the letter is literally Proving the bit it's proving the bit. It all it did was complained about the Jesus or Mark I'm like this is the point of the fucking joke right and I was I was I went to the Patrice I'm getting to it. I was ready to rip my fuck. Will you ask me what the bit was?

I was ready to rip my hair out and I and I call Patrice and I was like, well, I go dude What do you do? I don't know man? I look up to rip my hair out and I called Patrice and I was like, I go, dude, what do you do? I don't know, man, I look up to guys like you. I want to do the kind of shit you do. I want to say the things I want to say, why is it so hard? And he was just like, look, man, you want to walk the, the righteous road in any way. He's like, you're going to take a lot of hits, man. He's like, I've sacrificed money.

I've burnt bridges. I've sacrificed gigs. And he told me the story of like a guy at a club coming up to him and saying, Patrice, I've sacrificed money, I've burnt bridges, I've sacrificed gigs. And he told me the story of like a guy at a club coming up to him and saying, Patrice, can you not say, Cunt tonight in that one joke? Or I think it was that. And he was like, no, I'm doing that bit. And he's like, and I explained to the guy, it's not about me needing to do that joke. It's about me letting you know that you can't tell me, I can't do it.

Cause once I let that door open, a crack, it's gonna swing open. And I remember talking to him, and he was like, he goes, come on, Joe, you know that fucking joke that you're talking about. It's, you know, come on, man. He's like, you know you're trying to piss people off and he's like, you don't mean that.

I was like, yeah, I guess you're right. I don't mean it, whatever. But I just remember being like this fucking guy has such a firm grasp on what the sacrifice is. That's the difference to me between him and a lot of other people. A lot of people, it's like the saying, everybody wants to die, but nobody wants to go to heaven.

I mean, everybody wants to go to heaven and nobody wants to die. I just agree with you. You did it wrong. I just love the world. I'm just trying to get him. Just keep going. No, we know that's what Bobby believes. I should have never asked what the joke was.

Right. But he got it. He was like, okay, if I want to get to this holy ground, I get what it's going to take to do. And a lot of guys don't do. A lot of guys are rebels and then they go Why the fuck won't anybody fucking book me? It's like dude because you're up there talking about fucking babies or whatever You're doing it's like you got to take the hit dude well, you know he The best thing you ever said to me. I talked about it on it on a today back in nix Back when he was sitting with his disc man He was listening to B.I.G. Before anybody even knew who New Taurus B.I.G. was.

He had like a boot like, you know, out of a trunk version that he was letting me listen to. And I was bumming out about something. And two people taught me about truth, Bobby Kelly and Patrice O'Neill. But the quote that Patrice said, Bobby and I, it's a different story altogether. But Patrice, he just looked at me and goes, can't fuck with the truth man. If you walk in as the truth Even if it's the bad truth or you know fucked up truth or good truth joy truth whatever Nobody can fuck with you. Yeah, I'm living the truth and I was like I need to start doing that more

I was not doing that. I was not a person who was present. I felt like Patrice was always present You know what I mean some people like you talk to and they're like they can sit without any kind of nervous movement or anything you know you can just kind of be in a moment and that's off putting to some people and even to me at first but the more I saw it the more I wanted to be like that or I could just be this you know everything around you around Patrice could settle down because he was that kind of strong center of truth How many guys did you see how many guys how many comics have you ever seen with that carlin prior energy that go out there with opinions and

edgy edgy edgy material that don't move Carlin and prior paced around they paced and they're the two greatest ever and they paced around. They paced around. And they're the two greatest ever. And they paced around. Patrice would just either stand in one place or sit and still have that same exact like I'm playing for 10,000 people right now energy. Right. When I first moved here in 07, he was at standup in New York every other weekend, sold out shows and he used to just sit down and put his soda on that bar and then just fucking go. And like you were saying, he wouldn't even move no energy, he would just... and just crush.

You know what Patrice? I listen to, they played a bit on ONA today, off his new album called Mr. P. And it's available on iTunes right now. It's available on iTunes right now. It's a pre-order. The money is being divided between his wife and his mother, right? So, and if you're like, well, it's not going to him.

It's going to them. His manager set it up. The deal is done. I wouldn't be fucking sending you there if I didn't think it. If I didn't know for a fact, it was legit. And there's going to be benefits. There's going to be other ways for you to help the family. So, but that's one of them.

But the bit was about, this is what Patrice says, he, like I always say this, and I try, I'm trying to get there now where I'd rather have a crowd listen to me than laugh. You know what I mean? Because if you get them to listen and laugh, they're going to remember your shit, they're gonna remember your shit, because they're gonna internalize it,

because they actually affected them in their life. They're related to it somehow. When there's some people that you make people laugh, but they'll be like, all that bit with the thing, with the, and you'll be that guy. Oh, the guy that does the, but if you say something that somebody listens to and relates to, then with that

bit you did about Jesus or that really man, I feel the fucking same way because there's a story behind that. You know what I mean? I always loved that. It's like the essence of when I went to AA, the reason why it worked for me is because I was hearing people say the same shit that I went through relating like, oh my God, can I talk to you? Because I went through that. I listened, you know what I mean?

He had that same shit. He would come out and start talking about a subject. And all of a sudden you're listening. And it's not funny, you're not laughing. You're not laughing. You're supposed to be laughing every 30 seconds with the standup community. Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. It's just like from Boston, you know what I mean?

That's what we were taught. He figured it away Slowly building and all of a sudden when that punch when he wanted to when that fucking was like a slow fuse It was just going and all of a sudden it was like a grand finale He would hit that fucking punch and his voice would go oh, right and you this motherfucker What the fuck and start hitting you with the punch and then voice would go, oh, right, and you need this motherfucker, what the fuck? And it started hitting you with the punch and then you could hear the audience just fucking, oh my, and it wouldn't stop.

It was like holy fuck laughs. Like what the fuck, how do you get those laughs? When I watched him one time, I watched him from the side, say just say in New York, it looked like grenades were being tossed out because it was like, boom, and like it was just exploding to the room. Yeah, he really, yeah. I mean he made you want to quit. Did you shake his did you shake it? You're headed as grenades analogy. I look it

did kind of a little bit. I know you did. I look I didn't say anything. I let it go. Joe's the one who picked up on it. Because he went like this. He goes it's like grenades are the Bobby turns me to go. Like that. And I was literally, I got with grenades. Boom. But when he smiled, he saw a giant rainbow, just leave his chest and connect with the crowd, right?

Yeah. The most, literally, the most jealous I ever was of a comic, ever in my career was, I saw him affect two people, three three people in a way that I've never seen a comic affect anybody He was right after the tsunami happened and it was a Caroline's he was headlining. He comes out on stage He sits down. He goes fucking you know the tsunami man. I mean God damn. I mean, I guess it feel bad for the people and shit, you know I don't want to see anybody die

But it didn't look that, didn't look that fucking bad to me. You look like if you just lifted up your pants You would have been fucked right dude Right you're like you're like holy shit. Is he really doing he's opening with this right? I swear to God. I'm like, I gotta run to the bar and get a drink and settle it into this. I run to the bar, three people from England walk out of the room. That fucking, can't be that, I'm not that bad.

Right, they're cursing, but she's named. First five minutes show, they sat at the fucking bar for two hours and waited for him. That's how mad they were. They walked out in five minutes and were so mad that they waited for two hours at the bar and then he finally came out and they were screaming at him. And he's just doing that Patrice shit.

You know, like all that shit, the moccomer he gets, the more angry they get. And then he just goes, this is why English people is the worst motherfucking immigrants in the world. He goes, he goes, y'all come here, y'all wanna be us. You wanna be us so bad, but your country stinks. Right?

And dude, literally smoke coming out of their fucking ears. They had to be drug out of the club by security. They had to be drug out of the club, security. They had to be drug out of the club, and Patrice was begging for them to stay. He's like, no, let him stay, this is fun. This is fun. And as they're being drug out of the club, the woman like shook loose for a second,

and she stomps her foot, and she points down the stairs of Caroline's Adam, and she goes, you're an embarrassment to America. Like that, and I was like, I'm so jealous of this embarrassment to America. Like that. And I was like, I'm so jealous of this guy right now. Like if you can strike a chord like that with an audience member, that whole chain reaction of that, like, you're really fucking doing something

up there, man. Jesus Christ. He made me feel like shit every time I saw him. Made me feel like shit every time I saw him. As a comic, he made me feel like shit every time I saw him. As a comic, he made me feel like garbage. Because he would fucking, he would retire from comedy. You know, I mean, it sucks you weren't here, you know what I mean? It's here on the West Coast, but you know, he would retire, dude.

He just wouldn't come and, he just wouldn't show up. It's like, nah, I got it not to say. And all of a sudden, something happened to the news, some tragic shit, something fucked up, some type of riot, something fucking crazy, catastrophic, fucking world event, and he'd have to come out and talk about it, because he all of a sudden he got an opinion,

and he had to, he all of a sudden he had to come out, shows face of the clubs, to get on and make people laugh at the shit that's happening. And then you'd see him and you'd be like, what the fuck? And imagine, no, I said this to Burr today too, me and Billy were talking about it. He was lazy.

One of the laziest motherfuckers I know. I remember when I first moved to New York, he came to the greatest advice ever because I was waking up and I felt guilty because I had no job anymore. You'll feel the same way, monster voice. After when you quit, you're going to be like, what am I doing? Am I should be doing something?

He came to the best advice ever. He goes, motherfucker, I worked hard for seven years to be lazy. I worked my ass off to get to the point where I don't have a shit job and I don't don't feel guilty sleep until two Fucking wake up get some food go back to bed and then go do a set at night step until five trying to bang some pussy Go home and do it all over again because that's what we do That's what you worked your ass off for in Boston to fucking be able to do that. And I was like, holy shit. But on the other level, he was lazy.

And I've never seen him with a pen, never saw him with a notebook or recorder. He didn't have, imagine if he tried. This guy was the funniest guy in my opinion, my humble opinion, funnier than any of them out there right now. Funny than fucking Louis rock fucking Jervais any of them I'm a fan of Patrice if you I had a choice I'd watch him first because he was lovable enjoyable fucking angry funny fucking he made you think he was just so honest and it was a joy to fucking watching

One of my favorite is my one of my favorite comics of all times And imagine if he tried imagine if he fucking wasn't lazy. He would be oh my fucking god Yeah, it was he was you know it was it was It was Richard prior shit. It was like He was, you know, it was, it was, it was Richard prior shit. It was like, you watch a guy like Patrice, and it's the same way you feel when you watch a guy like Richard prior where you go, it's okay to talk about pussy if I can do it that good.

You know what I mean? Like if I can talk about, like you'd watch those, they do jokes about like dogs, and you'd be like, and most of us, the first inkling would be like, I'm not writing a joke about a fucking dog. Like, well, what? Like that, everybody said everything about dogs already. And you watch somebody like Patrice talk about something

like that, you just be like, oh wait, no, no, you can't talk about that shit. And so, yeah, you know? It's that difficult thing when you're talking about, you know, how can I be, how can I, how can I really express myself and be truthful without that weird psychological thing that goes like, where you fuck with yourself going, but like,

who am I to think I really have something to say? You know, where, like, I've talked to myself out of that, and I remember Patrice being an example where I had a bit when I was doing this, my second SNL hosting they would have you oh Lauren wanted me to open with stand up and I had a bit about suicide and I'm like I want to open up with this bit and the network didn't want me to open up with it I was really appreciative that Lauren stepped up and was like do you want to do the bit?

I'm like I really do and he's like I'll protect do the bed. And it was a really edgy bed. It was, it was, it was that thing about like, you know when somebody commits suicide that you know, you always, there's always that first person who wants to be the person to tell you, you know, so they call and they kind of like, did you hear about so-and-so, and they're kind of privately secretly hoping

you're gonna be like, no, what? And I go and then the bit is like, you know, killed himself. And then of course, because we're all fucking freaks, your follow up is like, how do you do it? And so I did this bit and it goes on and on. And I got so much, you know, kind of like backlash and grief from it, but I was proud that I did it

because then I got emails from people that had impacted, like, you know, a couple of kids that wrote me and were like, my parents don't know I'm dealing with, so and so on. So it's the same thing. More people ostracized me because of it. More people probably gave me shit, but the few people that it connected with

and it mattered with, for the rest of my life, I'll be able to say, I've done, I'm not the most meaningful guy on stage. I've always looked at comedy as more kind of like escapism in a bit of like a closing the doors on some of the, you know, maybe heaviest of top, you know, political stuff, but for me doing something like that made me feel like, wow, that's what Patrice

probably feels like every set, the whole time. There's no like whimsical, here's a silly. Here's the thing though too, people laughed when you did it. Yeah, yeah, people fucking, that, the fact, that's a silly. Here's the thing though, too, people laughed when you did it. Yeah. Yeah, people fucking, that, the fact, that's our job. That's why you can't fuck with us. That's why you can't fucking come down to us for making fun of gays or blacks or fucking, you know, fucking, anything, tsunamis, suicide.

People laughed. It's our job to take horrible shit and make people fucking laugh. What did he say after 9-11? What was that great line that the second he said and on stage here, it was like, it was like the first funny thing anybody said after 9-11, I think Patrice said.

I forget. We all assumed we knew who did it like immediately. It was like this thing about like. No, that was the actual DC sniper. That was a DC sniper. It was, no, because Patrice said, I remember the punch line was, nobody looked up at that plane

hitting the building and said, the Swiss. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like the first, like, everybody right away saying, this is Muslims, but nobody's looking at these planes, but the mother fuckin' the Swiss.

That's funny, and I forgot about that. The other one, the DC sniper one, I said this one the other day, he on Owen A the other day, he actually, the one the DC sniper, everybody thought it was a white, loan because that's a serial killer, white, middle age, between 30 and 40,

and he goes, yeah man, it was just a nigga in a Buick. But, it's a nigga in a Buick. And they did it ha ha. It's a nigger in a buick. And they did it on a tough crowd and they bleeped the buick because they weren't a sponsor. Fuck it hilarious. They said, they let them say nigger, but they bleeped the buick. So it was bleeped, nigger.

That's fucking hilarious. We can make it like this, because you keep falling out. Like, see, I'm mind straight on my mouth. Oh, sorry. See, just like that, because when you turn to dead, I move over and so you're sitting like that.

The funniest thing I ever saw him say, heard him say, saw him say, was a different carol and show. And it was so true, I was just like, God, David. There's some like Filipino guy in the front row. And he just, he just points at him. He does that upside down finger point that he used to do. He just points at him. He does that upside down finger point that he used to do. He just points at him.

And he goes. I forgot about the upside down. I've heard everybody in the last couple days talk about the point, but I forgot about the upside down. And he had that long fingernail. And just point at you upside down. Hey, this fucking point is the guy that he goes. He goes, what's's your name foreign face

The guy goes like Mike and he goes what are you Chinese and the guy goes no? I'm Filipino and she goes Don't you hate what you call a Chinese motherfucker the wrong kind of Chinese He called a Chinese motherfucker the wrong kind of Chinese. He goes, he's gonna explain you what he is. He got to act like you fucking care. Oh. Chinese motherfucker. He does it.

The finger points good. Today I was reminding, oh and a and those guys how you kind of knew the mood Patrice was in or you could walk into a place and by looking at him However, he was wearing his hat. You kind of knew where it was coming from if he was if it was the if it was the wool cap And it was almost halfway through his eyes It was like don't ask him a question until he finally says like you know, man, and then he was gonna like You could really he had mood, whatever way he was wearing. He did, he did, it was funny,

he had these things, he was in jerseys, then he got into necklaces and jewelry, and then he got into hats, and then he got into, then he got into dressing up. He was in leather jacket, remember the leather jacket with every MBAT monitor. Oh, we used to trash him all the time

for his fucking jerseys and stupid. He came into the cello one night dressed with a red suit, a tie, bow tie, and a red hat. And he caught a fucking pounding like a, he walked in and I go, what did you, just over to your own barbecue sauce? I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. Hold on. But I remember this last fourth of July, man. I, he called me the first barbecue he ever had. He called me, I'm having a barbecue at my house. And it's not as easy to get to his houses, you think. It's in Jersey City, but it's kind of a pain in the ass

and it's weird, situated. I want to, I want to go on out there and, you know, I remember, fuck, I'm sorry, man. That's all right, man. I remember going out and he needed alcohol more alcohol. So I, you know, he was like, Bobby, you know, you know, it's a barbecue. There's all these friends.

I don't know, you know, there's a lot of black people there too. You know, there's all the other guys and he was like, Bobby, I want to take a ride. And I went with him to get the booze and think, I don't all these fucking people, you're like, I want to take a ride. He's like, he asked me and it just made me feel, I knew he was my friend. I knew he was one of my best friends for a long time.

And I just felt like, fuck yeah. Yeah, man. And we went and he never, he didn't know how much that meant to me in sign. And I remember I bought booze forms. Again, he'd You do that. I was like, you know, like same shit I want to I want to buy it. He's like, I meant thanks man. Thanks. Thanks a lot And I bought like a couple hundred dollars worth of booze with him and he bought some booze and I don't drink I don't find so but 20 something years and I'm buying

$200 worth of alcohol for people. I don't even fucking know But I just wanted to be black people too expensive alcohol that drinkin'. Fucking that like to champagne with the gold fucking tin foil. Gold fucking tin foil? Dude, do you say moonshine? They're not fucking from con-dutchy blackly. You're more like the fucking, they're, they're, they're,

they went old school. They're henna-seeing for the fuckers. Yeah, this is where like a hypnotic. Yeah, so we... We went back and I remember that he called me the next day. And I was like, what's up? He's like, I just want to thank you for coming by, man. I met a lot to me that you showed up.

That's the fucking guy people don't know. Yeah. People think Patrice was a bully and made fun of him and fucking, he was so powerful on every aspect of his personality. But people don't realize that. I remember when Al lived with him. I used to go to his house in Jersey. Me and Patricia would go shopping together for food and we'd go back to his place.

He'd fucking cook food for a couple hours and then come out and here and feed me. Feed Al. And fucking, he was one of the sweetest people I ever met in my life and he had a big heart. I know a lot of famous motherfuckers that are fucking just assholes, fucking assholes. They don't have a heart, they're not connected to you emotionally, you know what I mean? But this group of people that we're involved in are you know, we have hearts, you know, Norton fucking gives a shit

We all care about each other We can appreciate the sacrifice This is like the most there's no degree that guarantees you're ever gonna meet the success that you hope for in this business. Yeah, well if you helped me and Joe and Dan, if you put a word in, you'd probably help us get there. If you made me a part of your short film, I would have done it. Oh shit. Mmm, yeah, bulldoffoo. No. We can't help it.

That fucking short film fucked our lives. I know, I know. Really, really put us on the outs with some people. We did it on a respect. I know. The people who were in the movie, we don't like as much as you. The funniest was when Bobby was defending it on, defending our approach on ONA when Jim was upset

that we didn't ask him to be in it on the show. And Bobby's going, it's a piece of shit. It's a stupid fucking movie. on ONA with Jim was upset that we didn't ask him to be in it all the show and Bobby's going it's a piece of shit I never sure that you guys ended up in Tribeca with De Niro and everybody's like oh really So funny man could have thrown an EP credit on there for me nothing just the hand job credit nothing What's the hand job means I give you a few grand so you can buy some milk for fucking don't Shit, I don't know that was fucking I would have thrown your name in it I would have recoded if I knew you throw some cash away. We were so just like we let it like you said out of respect We didn't ask a lot of people

Yeah, we went up to the web I asked Colin and he said yes, and I went really Yeah, we heard of the web. I was calling and he said yes and I went really? I was like really? I mean, Voss we knew was easy. Voss is done in eight years. You know what? No, no, I left. Where?

On the inside, what are you fucking Gabe Kotters? You see out in my stomach. Are you the principal on the fucking sweat hogs? I left in here. Remember that episode? The show the sweat dogs Welcome back on there you go, I knew you'd know you're fucking so Vant I wasn't as close to treason you guys were but he but he yes It's absolutely true. Anyways, James, you know the story? I didn't go. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, you know, he, you know, he was my friend and it was, I remember him call me, he, a couple times he called me after ONA and like, but, but there were two time, one time he called me and he goes, Joe, man, that was fun today. You go, you weren't insulted by me fucking with you at all, right? And I was like, no, not what, no, not at all. And I was so touched that he took a minute to be like, and even said he goes, Joe, you know the difference between me now

and me 10 years ago is I wouldn't have made this call. He's like, you're my friend. And then he called me the day we were on, doing the shit about the deep dish pizza and lady God got all that shit where it was like the most fun. I probably ever had on it He called me that night and was just like that was fucking fun today, man Like that was really fun and and I was so it's like you're saying I was so fucking touched that he was calling me and just saying like Hey, dude, you know when you look up to somebody and they go,

out of boy, you know, you're like, that's nice, you know? Yeah, there's some guys like that who you, you, they, being friends with them, you're like, man, it's like an honor that you're my friend. Right. Or it's to keep your enemies closer thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah, he used to treat me to douche. thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did apologize for the interruption as you're doing it. It's a take it's a take it's like strategic when I He was for me. It's like my last kind of course because I fell off with Patrice in the last bunch of years sometimes sometimes being like comics were very like I don't know There's just like a vicinity thing where sometimes distancing you know, we fall off a little bit, but You know, it's like I was going through all this shit

and being maligned by a lot of people after all the Louis stuff really was at its peak. And I did radio a couple of times that people were like, some people that said they were my friends were kind of like not saying anything, which is almost worse. And Patrice was right there to stick up for me and he needed to say a word. It was one of those things I just remember being on the phone. I was really there to, you know, stick up for me and he needed to say a word.

You know, it was one of those things I just remember being on the phone. I was like, really nervous to make that call. And I just wish I talked to him recently. That's the thing that's gonna, you know, that's the hardest part. Well, you know, I was supposed to have him on the podcast the week before. And then he actually did Jay Moore's podcast that Monday, which I called him, I was like, really dude, I can do his podcast before mine.

And he was like, he talked about it on Jay's podcast. He said I was supposed to do Bob Kelly's, but I fucked up. And it wasn't that I didn't want to get him on, it wasn't that, it's just, I didn't want to put him out. Like you too, it's like, you know, like you said, I want you on, I want my friends on it, but I didn't want to put them out like you too It's like, you know like you say I want you on I want my friends on it But I don't want I don't want this podcast to ever be something that people have to do because they're my friend Yeah, I want them to want to do it because it's a fucking fun time and it's cool

Move it along. So anyways I Got to go So anyways, I But I gotta go That's so funny dude what the fuck what I can't I was really in a moment. Yeah But Joe you know Joe that was but to be fair was the moment with Jay Moore involved so well Well, that's a terrible Fucking killing me, but uh he he did his podcast and I Called them up. I was giving him shit.

I was like, what the fuck? What the, he was like, I wouldn't have done your podcast, motherfucker. I was, you said do it. And I was gone and I was like, good, we're doing it this, I, I look, we're doing it this week. And it's like, fuck, I'm not trying to. He really, really wanted to get out of this podcast. Oh, he thinks that people will to to avoid doing a podcast with Bobby Jesus what is shit, you know, it's so funny. He's those that's why get terrible. That's terrible

That's fine. I'm gonna edit that out. No, I'm not the what did tell say on the radio the other day Dude we we were laughing so fucking hard. That was brutal the other day by the way Oh, no one it was fucking brutal. Like, you today calling in, it was great. That was in there. Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah, you today, I was in him today, it was great. But we were in the other, it was me calling, who else?

Voss, what's he got in there? He was in there. Keith, right? Keith was in there. Oh, Jim Florentine. Florentine, Russ, Attell, Louis. Russ Manoeuvre came in. Yeah. Okay. I'm not in of course. And uh uh hoping Anthony. Oh and a and then uh Kurt Metzger. Yeah. A bunch of guys. A bunch of fucking guys.

You hear that fart? I'm Amy. Amy came in. Yeah. She left though, right? She had to go. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. She had to go somewhere. I don't know. But anyway. Yeah. It was it was brutal, but it was beautiful because it was literally a lot of the fucking hits man Oh, you mean brutal like cuz you got trash so we all get you make a cause of Patrice No, you're like I gotta stop your farts are dangerous is a bad yeah Let me tell you something if there's a doctor here. He could do a prognosis On your health based on the the pungent stink. Is it bad?

It was worse than those before the party started. Yeah, I'm sorry. So you believe a bag of Doritos, like in a backseat of a car for a month, and then me? Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. But, uh, but we was smashing his. Yeah, the crashing was brutal. I thought but it got so fucking crazy But then it tells us something that you told me that was fucking a lot. Yeah, after you left the tel goes I tell it just come in. It's like one of the first things you said and Opie goes, you know, we're all here. The net rattled off everybody goes, you know, we're all here man Us and all the listeners out there. Love, love Patrice.

And it's how it goes. Yeah, they love them on here for free. Why did you try buying some of his product for once? We got some money to raise people. We got a purple suit and a giant coffin to pay for. Dude, it was like, when I tell you, like, kill, tells us one of those guys, like, even when he's in a room of comics, he's still, you know, he's still killing, like,

he's at a fucking club. Dude, everybody was like, holy shit, dude. We were laughing so fucking hard. That's a good one. He was saying so much, funny shit. At one point, Louis was going, you know, Patrice was one of those guys, she just, you know, he wasn't afraid to vocalize his thoughts

and he was opinionated and outspoken, and it still goes, up to, I think the word you're looking for is up to the point. I don't think so. I'm so funny, man. It's so fucking funny. But, you know, it's, it's, it sucks too, because Billy called me. He's like, you see fucking all these people, you know, the press picks the most famous

people to be his friend, you know, and they're all given their fucking quotes. Charlottes. Yeah, all these fucking people who are who he hated. I mean, I know for a fact, some of the people that are fucking saying we really we lost to didn't like you. This comics on Twitter. I didn't do it. Yeah, well no.

That's creepy. Yeah, now they're using this opportunity to fucking get Patrice's name in their Twitter. Dude, I heard about a comic. I'm not gonna name any names because I don't know if it's true. I'm joking, pussy. No, I don't know if it's true because I didn't look. I didn't look. I'll't look. I didn't look.

But I heard a comic, an LA comic, tweeted, rest in peace, or some will miss you, rest in peace, message of a tree, and then wrote, I'll be at the such and such this week, like, fuck. Fuck, dang, why would you do that?

I was. But still it's a three to separate posts. That's really cool. Anyways, man, let's read two separate posts Anyways, man, listen fucking believe that though. That's shitty man. That's really shitty. He hashtag betriste though I was told is a she if she if she was hashtag was it Whitney? No, I'm kidding I'm kidding no more fights no more. It's done. You didn't smell smell it yet. Stop making your, right, it's right there. Stop making your Roman mask face.

You're right. Um, exactly. Anyways, let's rest in peace, man. Patrice O'Neill, I fucking love you. By Mr. P. You know, you, you, you, you, you, you, by Mr. P on iTunes and elephant in the room. Yeah.

And, um, and, and you know, I love you, man. I love you. And I'm going to miss you more than you'll ever fucking know. You know, let's let's move on. Unless anybody else has anything to say. You just said it, man. Yeah, that's it. Patrice is a funny scam. He's one of our brothers. He is our graduating class. This one, you know, one of fucking, one of us have fallen. So an era is over. It's an era has fucking, it's dead.

It's certain, it's never gonna be the same. So. That is true. That is like the official end to the old guard of the comedy seller and tough crowd and Colin Quinn's. You know, that Colin Quinn led, you know, fraternity or whatever of comics, it's like that really, that's it, you know, that's a shame.

But we love it, we miss them. We should try to be nice to each other from now on, right? Dick Faye's, I don't wanna thank you, carried away here. All right. I need almost a communicate. It's funny too, you bring up some stuff I'm tired of way here. All right. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know.

I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know.

I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know.

I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. I was auditioned and I actually made him wait I go all right step up. I'll let you know you just were always like that

No, he had to go to do his own nunchuck class That's that picture is gonna make me laugh if I can find it. I'll fucking Just the thought of that picture. I was great. Yeah, but I made a audition You made him go get your cable for you. Yeah, I made you plug in the mics Yeah, it's called helping each other out do a podcast There's a bossiness to your favors though. No, it's not it's you all fucking a He fart is awful. It's not I didn't even fart the one no the one you just stop it Anyways, here's the time where Joe has to stand up and walk around Still he has to do his walk. I wanted a munchkin. Oh, I'm gonna stand up too. Why?

He has to do his walk. I wanted a munchkin stand up too. Why? Because I've been sitting on one stool. I'm gonna stand up. 40 minutes. That's the greatest part about the fucking, you know what? Podcasts as you can fucking stand up. I'm all set too.

I don't need these. I'm gonna do it. Come on. What do you want to lose another friend? Huh? You want to lose another friend? You fucking yelled at me for making you walk four blocks today. I was doing that because I love you and I'm looking out for it.

And then you hand me a bag of donuts to ruin the walk. Walk could you shovel those cookies in your mouth at Starbucks? Well cookies. The cookies at Starbucks. I don't know what you're talking about. Your wife doesn't listen to this podcast. Oh yeah, they were good cookies. But anyways, you actually, I like this standing up.

You can't, but we can. But this is actually good. You want something? Yeah, water. There's something I want to get in some water. Joe, get him water. I'm kidding. It's weird because you've taken the last,

how long has it been off? How long have you been off? Officially offstage, February. Those last show I did from that two year You were on the first year of the arena tour and I did another full year of touring. Yeah But November so it's been a year since I've been a regular comedian because last November I stopped and then did one show in February and I haven't performed since you have been on stage since February I've been on stage, but not to do standup.

I did like a UCB thing or I did a quick, but I have not taken a mic out of a standup. Standup. And this is why? Why? Yeah. Why? A lot of reasons. I got, I was, I was exhausted after. I mean, those last two years of touring alone were a lot, and I did that coming off of like my mom dying, my dad dying, my brother basically dying by betraying me and putting me through all the shit that I went through with the financial stuff. I just worked straight through everything. I didn't take care of myself.

I wasn't doing any kind of therapy, nothing. So I was like, I need to, I was not enjoying. I wasn't doing any kind of therapy, nothing. So I was like, I need to I was not enjoying I was I was I was like doing sets and stuff and feeling nothing Feeling nothing, right zero. I wasn't feeling good or bad That's dangerous. That's like I'd leave us, you know, I was there was no feeling of accomplishment in my life and there was no feeling of like I'm struggling to work for something next. And that scared me. I was like, I need to work on myself.

I need to take a break. And I might be tired of doing stand-up right now. Because of... I think it's, I was begging you to fucking take time off and go to a therapist for fucking a year. You know, fucking, because I remember, I was there when your mom got sick. We were in the car, going to fucking a gun range.

Literally Bobby was in the car with me when I got the phone call from my mom. Said it came from the hospital. Yeah. I was gonna do a press. We're gonna do a gun range. We're gonna do a gun range. We're gonna do an article.

To shoot and I was doing an article for my first leading role in a film. Literally in the year that I'm like, I have made it to where you would dream you would want to make it to. My mom called me and I knew in that moment in the car. I told you guys, I was like, my mom's dying of cancer. I never knew what that feeling was until this year, until I got to call about my grandfather. You know, and they were like, he's going to, you got to come home.

Because he's going to, he's gonna, you gotta come home. Because he's gonna, he's not gonna make it. And I literally thought of that, because when that happened in the car, and I know this fucking podcast is supposed to be funny, relax, this is where it goes. Anybody has a joke, throw it in. Yeah, by the way, this isn't four years ago anymore, and I'm okay.

But I remember, I thought about that time in the car and I remember your face and it's just every, and you still went and did the interview and I was like, what the fuck? And then I remember you did all, you had movie after movie and then the tour and your father passed away and then your brother, I was at your house when your brother, you found out about your brother. I was there that night. You came out. It came to Bobby's bad luck Yeah, you came down you came down and

You came down the stairs and you were fighting and then I remember I came down I go dude. He's either really wants his job or he did some fucked up shit Right and then you found out about that shit. Can you talk about that shit? Not not really. Not I'm not really ready to. Not about what happened. Not the details. Oh no, but I can you know he he he was stealing. He was you know he is convicted in serving time for theft for stealing multi-millions of dollars from me. Right. And and basically just pretending through false documents and everything else that he was working as my bookkeeper. He was my bookkeeper, but he was just shoveling money.

How do I know? I heard he invested into a cotton candy company in Switzerland. Is that true? Really? I didn't know about that. I think you own a candy company. I have a brother. What if he did?

What if he bought something? Something that it became like- But it became holy shit like Apple. Like he bought, he invested your millions into something that, just like in the next week, fucking, it was like the next man of technology. He had some nano heart and fucking curing every disease. And you are the, and he fucking did you the biggest thing.

Would you actually let him up jail? Would you want him to be out of jail? Or would you? You're crazy. Wouldn't that be great? No. If you, if you found out that he's he'd- I would probably take the company split split the shares up with somebody

But no of course no you wouldn't give him any money if it was like I'm talking is up 20 billion dollars you know I'll be no because of his investment. No of course not 20 billion You wouldn't go like this you wouldn't go this the principal you wouldn't go to the jail and do the hands on the glass thing. I do not get you You would go to the jail and do the hands on the glass thing. I do not get you. No, I would not. You would not say facts. No, because you know, you know me a long time, it's never been about the money. It's always been about keeping people I love around me and accomplishing things with family and the people I started with with my graduating class of guys.

Right. I admire, you're strength, dude, sincerely, because it's like to go through all that shit and not have God's name. Just turn the mic like me. That's all you have to do, Joe. No, just bend the mic. What's, it's a shorter.

There you go, do it, there you go. There you go. Do it like that, twist it, turn it, not right there. Like, this thing's broken, it's broken. I'll do it, go ahead. No, that's gonna break, I'm serious. It's gonna about to snap. Let's touch it, leave this broken. Yeah, I'll do it. Go ahead. That's going to break. I'm serious. It's going to about to catch it.

Leave it alone. Just it. I didn't break it. It's at the cusp. It's $2. Right here. That's fine. Sorry to break up.

Sorry to fuck you. A huge compliment I was about to give you. Adoration. Yeah. My. Go ahead. Strength. Ability. Agility. Grace. admiration My go at strength

ability agility His I mean I I admire the strength of a guy like you that you can that you didn't Which is stop I got that he didn't dude with all that shit happening Yes, that you were going on stage and still delivering the goods and it was like you weren't going on stage and having goddamn Meltdowns with the audience right or you weren't going on stage and if something was fucked up you weren't going you fucking people know what the fuck I'm going through right now he did that what are you out of your you did that yeah you You fucking snapped um but not never on a never on a grand never killed anybody but never killed anybody, but you've fought with, we fought. I mean, duty. I'm staying on stage.

On stage, yeah. On stage. No, never. That takes a lot to leave it at the door when you go on stage and not just go up there and go. But it was like I was felt at that time, what I thought was normal. Yeah.

I was like, I'm still, I'm still creating something. I'm still capable of, can't steal that. That doesn't die, that doesn't, I have that. So that's where I felt good for a little bit. Well, this is what's fucking, and this is what- Thank you for saying that. Yeah.

That means a lot. Where were you three years ago? I know you, Beckard. I'm awkward. Actually, though, three years ago, I wanna tell you this story, and I just now know you well enough that I feel like I can't tell you this. God.

When the shit was happened, you and Luffy, and everybody was jumping on the bandwagon and dressing and stuff, I went on to a pretty big podcast. And I was sitting there and they go, what do you think of this dang cook, Louis shit? I was like, I have absolutely no opinion on it. And they were like, no, but don't you think it's fucked up the day and I go look I don't know what the fuck anybody did I go I'm not involved in it and I met Dean once and he was nice to me I'm no reason to not like the guy and they prodded me to trash who's so hard who's that? Oh, I'm saying they prodded me to trash. Oh wait, let me can I tell him? You can't like peak of the story. Oh the story

Stays a sting just suck is conk I'm not gonna tell you that I don't want you to fucking who's the fucking people? Well, you know what it's out there it was Keith and the girl the podcast go key in the girl It's pretty good podcast. Okay, um But I was really getting fucking prodded to trans you just for no other reason then I was a comic and you were a comic New story right and I was like I'm not fucking doing it I'm not trying and I literally got into a fight with the two hosts. Yeah, like dude

I'm not like everybody's just doing this There was still how many can I just stop it for a second. Give me fucking people I had to do it a week times. Look at one time. I'm not petting myself in the bag. I'm just saying it. I really are. I'm not.

I'm saying I didn't know I'm well enough before this. Look at the fuck. Exactly. It's really shi-yada. Yeah. The thing I didn't like about it is that you said it off like this. Thank you.

I'm not this very high profile fucking podcast. And they, who gives a fuck? Because I didn't want to make it about naming one and doing a fucking voice. I'm kidding. No, seriously, do you have a voice? Look, I've done the same thing, dude. This guy betrusted it, we've all done it.

And you know what? It's, we've all defended at different different times people coming at me, dude. Yeah. Maybe times I got a hear, dude, fucking you're this, you're that, fucking why do you fucking? It's like you don't be, I got that. I would get that a lot too, where it's like after people saw us do the show and then they would say, why'd you bring him along? And it was like, no, you don't get it.

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Bobby I got the same shit with Patrice too. I get the same shit with a lot of us get the same shit Yeah, about why the fuck do you hang out? What the fuck you're this you're that it's all Fucking horse shit. Yeah, it's all horse shit and you know all the shit right now for you is over pretty much Right now that period is over pretty much. Right, about that period is over. That period is gone. You're doing a show with Stan Hope, I saw, right? Are you promoting something with Stan Hope? I know, he's doing a charity event.

Yeah, I'm just helping him to get the word out. You're gonna help get the word out. You did the Louis show and your brothers away, your parents, God rest their soul. They're back. They're back. You made enough money to fucking resurrect them because what your brother invested in your parents God rest his soul. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back.

They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back.

They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back.

They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. They're back. But now you go on you mentioned on on it. You go on therapy, which is fucking great. Well you helped me with that Well, is it the same guy that you've been going through when you same guy same guy. She you worked it out same guy one year And I keep talking same guy when you're doing this. I'm gonna throw it over into the bed I thought you raising your hand you wanted something to say something. I was actually being nice Joe That's it attempt an unathletic move But it's that thing of like,

you start to learn that a couple of things. There's only so many times you can call upon your friends to like, wield emotions aimlessly, you know, in the middle of it. Dude, why am I feeling this? And you know, God bless you. It's like, you guys would do that. You specifically would do that,

especially when you're in LA. How many times do we walk, run, and, like, just job up to stuff, but it was like, okay, wait a minute. I need to learn, my friends don't all have the right tools that that person can sit with me and go, you're angry, man, you're angry. And I'd be like, no, I'm really not. I'm like, I'm disappointed, I'm dead, I was like,

we're gonna figure out where your anger is. But it's also neutral. You can't say everything to me, Dave. No matter how close we are, no matter how close I am to Joe, you can't say everything. It's not a neutral place where you can't get hurt. Because you're sending information out there. And you don't know if it's how it's going to affect me personally.

So a therapist is a neutral place where you can go and be 100% honest with somebody else. You can let it all out. And it doesn't come back to slap you in the face. If I tell Joe, you know, something that happens with me and my wife, he might fuck up someday and bring it up, joking around, and I'm like, dude, I fuck, and he's like, I'm kidding, I'm so,

and that, you know, fucking ruined something there. You know what I mean? Yes. You, you, he might stick out for my wife because he doesn't understand the, you know, he might say, you can't, you can't be a hundred percent honest with even your best friend. I, a therapist you can't, right? Because it doesn't hurt you. It doesn't come back to affect you because he's a neutral, it has nothing to do with him. But I, I, I, I've been to therapy. I don't agree 100% with what you're saying. I think you can be 100% honest.

You need to go back to therapy. Look, I think it didn't work. I think obviously, I think obviously the productivity of therapy is a lot different than what you're going to get out of a conversation with a friend. So I grew with you there, but it can be 100% honest with your friends. It bothers me if you talk to me and you say to me,

like ordain or dain or whatever, and you say, listen man, I'm gonna tell you some shit. This isn't like for joking ever. Any one of us would respect that joke. You talk, talk honestly, and we're not gonna fuck up and whatever, we're gonna listen to you. Absolutely do, but you can't be 100% honest about everything.

There's things that I can't tell you out of the respect of my wife. Oh, okay. There's things that I, he told me that I can't tell you. I don't respect for him. You, I can go to my therapist and to say, it's not fragmented, your therapist and everything. But exactly exactly I thought you were saying like on a one-on-one one oh no no you of course you made a personal man about you I'm kidding I'm

kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding oh here it comes we got over the ain't let it out motherfucker but do you think a therapist who needs therapy now fucking clinching fists because I've never been able to afford it Do you think a there become suck? That's his fucking kung fu name clinching fists That all right didn't mark it didn't work at all At all what you say I'm sorry I was wondering do like you go into therapy to give you solutions or give you tools to solve. He's not that kind of guy. He's one of those people that,

like for a while, it was like, what am I doing? What am I doing? What are you doing? And what he was really doing was like, he was receiving and not to get, I don't wanna go too, too much into it, but what was great for me is like, I was figuring things out on my own

with his like gentle guidance. He was kind of like, you know, you get out of your own way kind of thing. And then once I was figuring things out on my own with his like gentle guidance He was kind of like you know you get out of your own way kind of thing. Yeah, and then once I was really honest like four months And he was like now we can start oh really yeah, he was like all right good I'm so glad that you came in today and and and and and admitted you're angry at me and everything else too And what did you say that made him honest can you tell us yeah, I was like why I was kidding I was like this I go why isn't there a fucking parking space for me downstairs you let this other guy go I'm just you know I'm late because you you're supposed to make that spot available and he was like hilarious let's

start you know it's like some kung fu movie shit no it's true I had to go in every morning and I would go in there and be like, you know, kind of treat like a Class or something for where I'd be like, hey, what's you know kind of like personable? Which I like to be and that's kind of hey, what's up man? Good morning. I Had to go in there and be like Fuck You know why the fuck did did it in like from that point then it got then it really became my point It are you are you fucking the one thing that you never I felt you never did when all that shit was going on is

Enjoy it like are you like are you enjoying are you looking now around life and going? I'm fucking grateful man. Yeah, this is fucking. This is I mean you're not doing anything you're doing movies We'll talk about that in a second and you got stuff going on, but you're not at the The fucking that level of fucking fucking private jets and fucking arenas and fucking meetings and movie That shit you were doing I lived it with you for a year and it was fucking nuts I'm going back to like oh five being in the car on the way to an interview to talk about my movie with the, and I'm like, I'm literally enjoying up until like last year.

It's kind of a weird thing. I'm going back and being like, oh, I did that, or that hurt, or that was a fail that it are, or that was something that I should have appreciated. I really am kind of going through and fine, I'm not 100% there, but I find more appreciation for, I think that even to bring it back to the trees thing was like, when that happened,

like when something so vividly real like that, that when you know you're losing somebody, they're leaving, they're going away forever. When that, you know where you're at and you know how honest you can be about that. I knew where I stood both of how I felt about Patrice and what was leaving our life because of where I finally was at myself. I didn't a couple of years ago, something happened to me with another person of my life and because of my folks, it was like, I can't do it this.

You know what I mean? I just kind of like shut down and dealt with it very like civil and I didn't let it in. This was like immediately in. Was that what somebody bring you life? Okay, I'll talk about it. Yeah, and so. Did you have a deal with that?

I'm dealing with everything, man. Everything I haven't asked, like, for doing the, but we started with doing the Louis thing. And, you know, I've expressed this to him and like, that was such a great closure for me. That was on top of everything else. When you're dealing with personal hardcore family stuff and then something like that comes along where you're like,

this is not, this is not my character. This isn't like, but it's politics. How do I fight a lie? You look like you're lying when you fight a lie. How do I, I also admire this guy. I don't wanna make it, you know, head head. I'll just step back. Maybe it'll go away.

It's not going away. It's getting worse. And when you're a witness to that, but it doesn't matter as much as the things that are happening in your home that you need to really take stock in. Guys, that leaves you in a really fucked up place. Right.

So when I finally was getting healthy and Louis reached out in January, that day, the moment he reached out and said, like, I have an idea for this, the day he did that, I started to feel like a release in my heart. Again, I needed that so badly, I did. I was like, am I gonna wait 40 years for this guy

to finally be like, it shouldn't have been like this. I should have been between you and me handled at the back of a club the way comics do it every week somewhere. And so I took that as like a the pendulum finally swinging in the other direction after four years of getting hammered pretty bad. Okay, now let me ask you this question. Did you, uh, she's a sweet girl like It was weird as like seeing you know when you saw Tyson after he retired after like four years You Oh You Jesus man, oh God okay

Okay, I you know what I mean? I fucking I I met her I met her. She a sweetheart sweetheart. Really sweet and gorgeous. Oh my god, huh? Good tipper Yeah, she's good tipper. That's good. She didn't tip me how she look Now he's told that she looked like Tyson Tired she's also pregnant after he got out of jail. I was just laughing because everybody was laughing I didn't even hear the joke. I just want to fit in you You didn't know what the joke was? Oh, no, I didn't know what the joke was. And you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you'll never know. But it was, it was, it was fucking, it was, you, you've been with a lot of hot chicks.

You got this fucking house, we were talking about this before the show. Joe has this nice apartment in New York City. He's fucking really great pad. So you got a little pad on his spot? This is a great pad. This is a great New York City apartment. People don't understand this too.

People will see your apartment, or my apartment, be like this is small, because they're from like, you know, other states where, you know, you get an apartment. Where you get things for your money. Yeah, New York City, this is a fucking great apartment in New York City. And yours, your apartment's phenomenal.

My apartment would be a fucking, you know, I'm married, and my apartment would be a fucking sick fuck pad. I mean, it would be really should trade apartments. We should do some sort of apartment swap. Because, you know, bringing a chicken to Midtown here helps me bring it into this place. Because you live like a man, you don't live like a fucking animal. That helps me. Then I take my shirt off and that sets me back to living in like the Bronx

somewhere so if I had your fuck pad I could get I get set back with the shirt off but then I jump forward again when I show it to the fuck pad you've got to place that an 80-year-old woman should be drinking moxie and doing the Lindy hop to Berlin Miller come on in kids I know it's like old school. That's the only furniture I get afford. You guys want to do your podcast in here? I don't know any of me. You guys have a lime rickie?

Oh my god. I think he had burst in Burkei menus. This furniture looks like you bought it from a nun. It really is. You're fucking, he has, I mean, I love the apartment. I love the kitchen, you gotta bring a new kitchen. But now I'm redoing my kitchen, which is fucking awesome. Awesome.

I'm taking everything out. I got the bathroom. I got a tool, I got a duplex, they call it. So you go down this spiral staircase to all bedroom King-size fucking bed which I don't know why anybody would have any different why you don't have a king-size bed Because some of us can't afford it and we're fit in our bedroom Well, why also some of us aren't king-sized? Probably California king

I'm fucking, I'm African king. Anyway, so I, we, you go down my sparrows staircase, it's all bedroom, nice and cool, fucking TV's, I got three plasmas and they get the shower, which I redid my whole bathroom where it's a wall. The shower, that's all I heard about for a year. Dude, I got like 40 spigots. Dude, water shoots diagonally. How great is my shower, though?

It's unbelievable. Look at the fucking. But here's the thing. I got a great pad. You got five shower heads. I got a bench. I got a TV. I got the, it's a fuck pad.

But then, Danes Place. You've been to Danes Place. Yeah, Danes Place. I've been to Danes place. Yeah, Danes place. I've been to Danes place. Danes place. I've been to homes in LA and they're fucking cool and they're nice and they're up on the hills and all that fucking jazz.

But Danes place, the reason why I fucking love it is because it has a backyard. It's up on the hills, but the foundation is up. So it has a backyard and a front yard. It's like a regular house. A lot of the hills and the houses and the hills just straight off the cliff and they don't have a backyard or they got a small little fucking backyard.

Great house, but Daines house. It's got a huge front yard. Big, beautiful tree, east coast oak or some shit. A palm tree, then he's get the backyard But then his house you want to talk about a fuck pad Dude it is in Your house is the only I'm not kissing your ass your house is the only house I've ever been in where I was like This is movie shit

This is like fucking movie shit. I've been in gigantic houses and I always go, big deal, it's a fucking big ass house. I wouldn't want all these goddamn rooms. This is stupid. And I've been in houses in the hills where I go, okay, it's on a cliff, whatever. And I've been at beach houses and I go, all right, but if you take away the beach,

who gives a shit, this house is sick. We're talking about LA, LA. Oh, sorry. Where's that? That's what Hollywood is, where a lot of the stuff that's in it. That's where the movies go. Yeah, that's what movies go from yeah, they come Your house not the biggest house in the world. Yeah, it's just you go in and you're just like this is it's it's American

Psycho, that's what it is It's like the shit in American You should be able to rape and kill women in your house. I only play Phil Collins About that one song in the air tonight should be playing on your external speakers every time you walk That fucking house is insane. If a woman enters that house She it's if they're she can never ever cry rape you should be able to just hold her down and fuck her It's it looks like less than zero. It looks like every bread eastern else novel. That's the house where they are having the party and the girls are naked. I compare it to

heaven because it's white. It's all white and it's you don't have a lot of furniture but the furniture you have is cool. It's very minimalist. Right. It's the kitchen is really a fucking bugs me is that you have a kitchen, right? He has two Viking stoves, right? You have a fucking in-wall espresso maker, cappuccino maker, in-wall built in, right? And you don't fucking, you don't, you've never put a pan on a fucking oven. You could put your fucking suits in your oven, and you store shoes in there, because you never turn it on. Too busy resting my car.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Are you fucking a lot of jokes? This is what makes me sick, is I look at my wife, I'm putting her in a new kitchen that she's gonna use.

And you know, it's like she's like this stove and this fridge and blah blah blah And you got this fucked up kitchen your kitchen is the size of my place of my apartment and Dawn actually came out and cooked The most amazing Thanksgiving dinner a couple years ago You guys came out and you can tell that him and assisted don't cook because the sister comes up She goes we're gonna we're gonna go get stovetop stuffing. My wife's like, I'm making homemade stuffing. She said, what? But here's the thing.

Which was good, but it wasn't stovetop. Go ahead. Well, you get a fucking taste for that. But you have this fucking crazy house. And you don't use the, he doesn't drink coffee. He has a fucking built-in Joe. A built-in fucking espresso maker. In the wall.

You push a button, cappuccinos, expressors, whatever. Do you know what me and you would do? If one of us had that, we'd just be at the fucking little cafe table. We would have set up. That's it, dude. I would literally be like, Bobby, late, lie by the pool, sweetheart. I'm gonna make some more derves.

We out of it. Do you wanna lemon wedge with your espresso? Oh my God. Speaking of by the pool, when are you gonna let me show the world, my favorite buy the pool video that I took? What's that? Of you buy a pool.

What's that? Doing the tummy tipped to tips on. Dude. You have to let me. It's never gonna happen. Please, I'll let me release this. It's never gonna happen. I'll let me.

I'll let you win. I'll let you come with the video is. I won't even say what the video is, but I'll say this. If you were let me release this video, you would start on Tosh.0, you. I know you can't. I won't even say what the video is, but I'll say this. If you would let me release this video, you would start on Tosh.0, you'd get on there, you would then do web redemption. And the whole world, it would probably be one of the biggest,

here's the other thing, it would be multi-million of views, and then the song that you made up and are singing would end up in a fucking tea pain song or you'd be in music vidges. I'm telling you man. I'm telling you. We please explain at least what it is. I'm not gonna explain. I'm not gonna explain. I'm not gonna tell you what it is. I'm just gonna say that Dane at the end of all the hurrah at one point. He invited me and Gary and Jay and Al Daubein and everybody down to Cabo, right? He rented a fucking mansion on the beach, like a 20 room mansion with our personal chef, masseuses, and we got golf carts that could to write around the compound

and uh... it was just us fucking shitticks and this mansion for the weekend uh... for the week actually and all my all my guy friends yeah we went out there and uh... it was just that it was crazy it was fucking crazy it was some is some entourage yet and i was definitely turtle that weekend. Because I was at my biggest.

You're pretty big. I'm bigger, I was actually bigger than I am now, which is fucking big. First of all, I quit smoking three and a half months ago. And I was actually sitting there going, fuck, I'm fat, I'm fat. I was actually never, because I haven't seen you in a long time. And the last time you saw me, I was pretty good. Yeah. The little getting a little chunky, but I was pretty good. But now I've been in the last three months fucking ballooned up and I was always like, oh,

he's gonna think I'm fat. It's because my friends are gonna think I'm fat. Fucking piece of shit. Then I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not gonna die because I quit smoking. So I'm taking the hit. Anyways, we're at, I was at my fattest and this is after I hurt my knee too.

And I came out and I did a little dance and I sang a little song. What was the song called? It was called Tommy to Tommy Tip to Tip. And I did a little video. Yeah, I think I know where this is going. Oh, no, you don't. Oh, if you saw the video.

I have this video. Oh, God. You can't not yet. It's not yet, not yet. Not yet. Al Dau Benning is the other person in this video. Oh God. Now you can't not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not now. Who is Al Bell Benny is the other person in the video? He's on the he's on the receiving it of what Bobby's the song and the dance. Oh my Here's the game's part though. Is it Jamie? Marotta Jamie, Missada. Okay, who came on the trip. He brought us all shorts. He said, I have body, I have everybody, Lafactory swimming trunks to wear.

So we all put them on, okay? And we go swimming. They're not swimming trunks. They're boxers to wear. So they're white Lafactory underwear. So you can just, we're all fucking sitting there, basically naked in front of Misada with our, you can just see're all fucking sitting there basically naked in front of Masada with a you can just see our fucking pew patch

And the tip of our hog coming coming through the Like an ink block test. Yeah, it's fucking awful, but no you can't release that yet. You can't you can't I Y'all I want to see it. Can I at least see it? He doesn't have it with him. Do you you don't have it on your phone? No, no, I don't have it with him. Do you you don't have it on your phone? No, no, no fucking kill you better because I do it could ever got yeah It's locked away in that fucking vault on your computer, right with all the other Unbelievable it's it's so horrific and hilarious at the same time. We emailed Joe a link. No, no I'll sing the song and you can just imagine some imagery with Bobby ready Tell me to tell me tip to tip and Bobby singing this song

and then what he does next. He's bad. You know those videos of like monkeys reaching up into their own assholes and falling off a branch. It's up there. It's up there with that. Yeah. Then the finger under the monkey's nose.

This thing would be re, you know what this video would become? Remember the Star Wars kid? Yeah. Yeah. He had the stick. There's a billion videos of then it's a lightsaber This video would be Bobby would be singing on the moon Telling you it would be a viral sensation the gay community would rally around him Anthem Pete, I would get involved, but you already fucks me man. You did the fucking, though, the, don't stop filming my face.

Yeah, I've released that. They put that on, he had a, That was on tour, guys. We first got a video camera, he had me, we were filming. And I was in the car driving to a gig when we first started comedy. And I was like, don't stop filming my face.

And he put it on fucking HBO. I'm fucking HBO. That's great dude. Dude, the fucking song is, I had people stop filming my face. That's great. Dude, but I had people coming up to me for months at shows like, don't stop filming my face.

This is really big of a time I'm gonna tell you the tip of my face. What's that? Oh, I really want to say. I said, tip, tip, tip, tell me tip with it. What's that? I really want to say I want to see the video so bad you can't you can't you can't all right if we make $20,000 in donations snow I'm joking we're gonna put Dan through college I can't I can't do it I can't do it we I'll let you I'll let you I'll let you so good. I'll let you show Joe No, I can't let you show Joe. We should watch it again And we should get it to Tosh for the season open or Tosh. 0 you guys should be on there opening it

With that video and then he should be like you should take this video and turn into your own do a remix and have everybody do Acoustic versions of the song with new lyrics. I'm telling you it's, but it is very homo erotic. It's fucking gay. It's what you say. I think on Tough Crowd we determine you are 40% gay, and this spiked it up to 70% of the time. But here's the thing. Here's the thing is, I'm not, that was another funny episode of Patrice.

Another funny Patrice story. We were sat down before Tough Crowd. Joe, did you ever do Tough Crowd? No. We sat down. They sat us down. They're doing this gay test. You take a gay test to see how gay you are. But they sat us down before. They said, you can look at, we know what you're going to do with this. But just don't say faggot. Don't say faggot. Everybody say faggot. And all of a sudden, they come out with the test, I'm 58% gay, because I'm the only one who answered

the questions fucking honestly. I know the questions, and I know he- Perfectly determined that you were 58% gay. I know that he didn't answer the fucking thing. I know Quinn, it goes, Quinn dain't at me as far as fucking homos. Okay. So Quinn is the fucking guess. He's the fucking right next to a priest.

He should have a call around at all times. Those little thin fucking gay priest fingers that he has. But he, they call, they were like, the patruses on, he wasn't gay at all or some shit. They start yelling at me and I start screaming. And I start screaming at Patrice. I'm like, I'm not, he goes, don't get mad at me, faggot. Right.

Everybody just went, oh shit. We all just walked off set and just walked away. Because we knew. We cleared the set, we all look our chairs We cuz we know it's like doing it not um, he just couldn't help it I don't get mad but it was the funniest thing he could have said Everybody was like what the fuck is I'm screaming defending my fucking all my one of my favorite

Speaking of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. The gig we did together, Bobby, one time I brought him, we were doing a, maybe we were co-headlining a Catholic university. Maybe. Remember the story where the head, you know, none, whatever came back and was like real hardcore about like, we have two requests, you're not going to use any profanity whatsoever and you will not use the Lord's name and vein. I have no problem, we can do that. I remember it like kept saying to Bobby like, Bobby, just keep that, keep that, keep that You're not going to use any profanity whatsoever and you will not use the Lord's name and vein I have no problem. We can do that. I remember it like kept saying to Bobby like Bobby just

Keep that in mind. Keep it that in mind. First of all this Don't forget the instruments in the background There was an org. Okay, so there's a curtain bought in Bobby's out there and there's instrumentation behind the curtain They have like cellophones and you know, it was like they have for whatever drums. Yeah drums and Sala phones and you know it was like they have for whatever drums and God I don't forget you were doing but was I doing that before what you said? It was I part of distracting you're doing it after because I was bombing well That's because he did this he so he goes out there maybe three minutes in And I don't know what you were saying that ramped you up to to realizing that you made a mistake But all I heard was Bobby go,

yeah, you know, and this guy, and he stopped and realized that he probably just said something. I said fuck. You said, I'm not supposed to say fuck. And then he went, Shit. Then he went,

Shit, Jesus Christ, fuck. All in the same sentence. We were supposed to say fuck. We were like, And then he paused and went, fuck shit, Jesus Christ, fuck. Okay, but then the background you hear, don't bang, ding, dong, bang, ding. This is rubbish.

I'm just, you know, sometimes like you're behind someone's stage, just like poking the curtain and doing weird. Like, you got on the xylophone, dude. Yeah, I just went, but I bumped. Shh. But secretly seething, cause I'm like, now I gotta go out there

and oh my god, they were pissed. We did all, yeah, we did a bunch of shit. Did you get in trouble? Dude, me. They were pissed. Me and Gain, here. They didn't want to pay us for that gig at all. Here's the truth about Dane too, though.

And people don't know this, you work your cutoff to be thin, but you're a fatty like me. I'm a fatty. Dude I got pitches from Hawaii. You want me to release those? Yeah but I never broke 200 pounds. You never broke two. All right well I'm not saying you're as fat as me. I was just saying. I mean for a guy you know most guys hit around 1.90. We were in Hawaii together vacationing because that's what friends do Dan. It makes telling something like I'm a bad friend. They can't afford it.

And I did blow up because this was right after everything with my mom and dad, too. So this was when I started eating the dough alone. What I mean when you're a fatty is that you can be, you blow up, too. You love shit food like me. You eat depression, you know, Joe, same shit. We all do the same thing.

But you, you, you, you, we can be junk food junkies sometimes that we ate that mean you both were fat as there was TMZ at the beach to thank God there's some fucking guy was taking photos of him this one this this one he became a lunatic at the gym you've been a fucking nut at the gym ever since ever since this ever since the hatred he has brought to you was hiding in the beach. Dude. Alright. Yeah. So we're coming up that shot of me like half out of the water with the half smile where everything's still like moving because I'm like I'm loving this and just everything's like a tear drop is coming off in the stomach. This is this is flesh color tears. But I know where you're going

what they didn't show was me anymore on bookie bullets. Lord. We're on bookie bullets surfing and on waves on a belly. And, okay, what happened was we come in on a wave, a big wave, and we're both riding the wave together, side by side. Right next to each other. And we're literally going, we're riding the wave. We're doing a pack of love.

We're like this. Ah! Ah! Laughs. And then I get my board on top of him. We're like this. Ah! Ah! Oh! Laughs. And then I get my board on top of him. So now I somehow, we're riding the wave together. Like we're parachuting.

Like we're saying, you're my parachute instruction. We're tandem fucking wave riding. We're all my back. And we're not, it's not even gay. We're just like, yeah! Yeah, we're standing. We're not together. We're done.

We're done. We're not. we're together, we're together. Why? We pull into the fuck this wave brought us all the way into the sand, you know that wave? It just right up to some fat lady's feet. And we're just like, ooh! And dude, thank God the paparazzi guy came literally five seconds after that.

He was starting taking photos. If he had never put those pictures out. If he had got that photo of me riding your back. And look like we were on a vacation together and I was like, baby, jump on my back and let's boogie board. Because your boogie board was like, it was like flesh to back. Yeah, dude, it was fucking, oh my god. It was so fucking bad. But still doesn't come anywhere close to Tommy.

To Tommy. To T.F. You guys will never see it. You'll never see it. Not now. I'll let you know mean I'll let you know you could show it to us. You don't have to give it to us. I'm not showing no you know No, no, no, no, you don't show Derosa. You don't show Joe any of that. Why you can't see that Joe because I don't need you ever having it on you dude. You got too much on your Red box. No, he doesn't I'll send a T and drop Can't do trust me. I'm not gonna say it. Well, I'm not gonna match his money that it's not worse than stuff I've done. I won't even let you money. What have you done? I'm not gonna say it.

I'm not gonna match you without you matching me. What is, what has he done? Say it off-air, I'm not saying it now. What have you done? Name one thing you could say on-air. He's supposed to do gay shit together. Like what? To be funny.

Dude, I've done gay shit like what? Is this gay? What are you doing in the video? It's funny, no, not gay. It's all erotic. Yeah, it's silly gay. One time I put my, well I live with Big J, I put my, he was on the video. It's funny. No, not gay. It's a lot of it. Yeah. It's silly. Yeah. One time I put my, when I lived with big J, I put my, he was on the computer. Right. It's not going behind him. I put my dick on his shoulder.

Right. I like just let it rest there. And I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned and my dick went, right, he was fucking cheek and. I'm gonna let you know. I guess you did what we were. What? The guitar. Yeah. Yeah. I made a video last two months ago, me, my dick, me and my buddy Dan are wasted. Who's Dan, this Dan?

No, from home. I put my dick out and I go do the solo from Russia's Jacob's ladder. And he's drunk doing the solo, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Joe does it. I'm not gonna release it online. I'm just gonna show you though. This fucking con, I was showing Estee some stuff on my phone. He sends me in the middle, he's lonely in fucking Pennsylvania. He sends me a tweet thinking of you baby, and it's just him naked in front of a mirror. Estee goes, ooh, what's that?

And I was like, I almost broke my phone. I almost had to just smash my phone. Just squeeze in the glass break. It's nothing. It was so disturbing. I almost had to just smash my thoughts. Just squeeze in the glass breaks. It's nothing. It was so disturbing. And he looked like the Grinch, like a non-green Grinch. That's the body he has.

Yeah. I like to a chill like that. Are you a pretty Grinch? I show you can show Joe. I'd let Joe, if he's long as you let me see. You know what I've you done? I'll upload it to a, you know what? No, you're not for 48 hour I'll get it I'll get it you first of all the fact that you have it and I don't have it yeah as fuck I have a picture of that

and I picture a view and out also you're your cheeks on each other if I put them together you're a couple what do you mean you molested me and I rack? Remember, I, you were in the shower that day and I jumped in and you got scared but you turned towards the wall and said, always. You put your ass up to me like a horse that knew it wanted to get mounted and you went, always. And I was like, what's Bobby? I'm just playing. It's kind of fun.

It's kind of, I'm just going to say this. It's kind of fun. It's kind of, I'm just gonna say this. It's kind of fun sharing with your friends a little bit. It's fun. I've done that with my buddy. You've never showered with a guy. Yeah. No, you have it. Same dude.

In what kind of shower? I'd be like, Joey. Joey. Joey is gay. Joey is gay. Let's take a shower together. We got to get out of here.

We would be showered laughing. What? What? He's kidding about Iraq. He's crying. Joey. Let's get him laughing. We have to jump to those bunnies. This fun who's showing.

What's funny? Doing lead guitar solos in the shower. What are you doing yours? Let me go. I'm doing it on the guitar. I have to do the one-toss the guitars. Was funny doing lead guitar solos in the shower I am absolutely no We get to be the movies in 15 let's just shower together You haven't showered yet. We'll just jump on it. We'll have our balls on. I've never. I've never in my life ever would fucking hurt.

Do not do that. What are you gonna do? He's showering, he'll light. That's a fun. But we be laughing like this while we were doing it. He was a dancer back in that. Flavreous. What are you supposed to do?

It's either laughing or crying. What the laughing or crying? So as long as you laugh your rule is as long as you laughing hysterically. It's not gay dude. I swear on my life There was nothing There was nothing or anything about it. It was just a fucking good like you came in. It's our your son Showering with his friend giggling. What would you do? I just feel like, are you gay? It's cool. I'm just saying that. And if he said no, I'm just, it's a goof.

I'd be like, I know you're talking about funny. You saw your fucking gay video on YouTube, and we're just fucking making fun of you, fat. Ha, ha, ha. We've talked about this too. It's like you never want to be involved in a moment like that where God forbid the other person ends up having to go to trial for something where you have to actually recap the day

somehow somebody's going to be like, no, we're just seeing you guys were together at the apartment. What took place there? You're going to be going, like, you know, we took a shower. What even if it was a rush? What even if you took a shower? You took a shower? We were, there's a, here's the thing. There was a movie and we were late. Are you going to a movie? And yes, what even what it's the shower part? And we both needed, a movie and we're late. Are you going to a movie? And what is the shower part? And we both needed, you know, we both kind of hot and sweaty. So I figured that you were hot and sweaty. Yes. And so I thought just to save time that we, you know, we were shower together. We were laughing. Okay, stop for one second. You showered with the

a salad. Yes. You showered together. Yes. but again, it was we were laughing the whole time. Was it a big shower or a big shower? Was it a walk in shower? Was it room? We were having a skirt around in there a little bit. But how long was the shower? I would really like to go. Am I done here? No, we didn't know how long the shower took. How long? It was several minutes, Several minutes. Maybe 20. Really? And you played what on his penis? We were playing guitar on our penis.

But again, if you knew us, I'm also a comedian. I just want to make that quite clear to everybody for the jury. And it's like when you say one of those racist, funny, you rance 20 or friend thing, you're like, if this dude ends up being a sociopath psycho, and this is evidence in a trial, you can be like, you've also a text here to Bobby Kelly, we rails against black people for 40 minutes

and you're like, it's a joke. That's hilarious. That's fucked up. Joe, Joe, Joe showers with, and it's not a walking shower, not my shower, your shower. I mean, there were now with me the riding shower Yeah, let me let me clear it to me to tell me to tell me to do Let me clarify something it wasn't like you're alone in the apartment. There was always other friends around other dudes Like

Next guys whose next Todd's all watch the guys I brought the shampoo I'm just picturing a rabbit in the deepest toll right now hearing this one Now what's just me and him there was like three guys that are sitting on the sink. Yeah, they were waiting to get in Retail were taking numbers. I was playing the harp It's so Yes, well, Dan's a homophone. We've established No, I'm not angry is right now what you guys are of laughing and stuff. Dan's like getting like dead and how gated. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to fight him with you two men to get in the power. I don't like Joe trying to pawn this off to a previous episode. I need to be perfectly clear about something. I so don't care or have any reservations about this.

You can trash me all you want. It's never going to hurt. He doesn't care. I don't care. Joe sent me a picture of his cock. I don't care. In the afternoon when it doesn't even look good. I fucking streaked parties down the shore.

He tried to come up with his own Su-Fai. Yeah, down the shore. He tried to come up with his own Sioux Fie. Yeah, he tried to come up with a Sioux Fie. A logo. He did. No, his own saying. I didn't say. He was trying to get a thing catchphrase called. Where'd you come up with?

Got to tell him. I said it once in a show. We'll do it right now. Sometimes, oh, I got some information about Dan actually, Dan, or Bob. Okay. Before we explain what this is, Dan claimed that he said it one time at a show. Right. That I was at with him where a bunch of punk bands went on and then we had to follow the punk bands and he was saying it was a mess. So I just made a quick joke. There's a goddamn

game fight. Funny though, a few other people that have heard this podcast have heard because it's so where we trashed him said, we were surprised you guys trashed him when he about that bit, because it's so funny. And I said, you weren't at the show that he was, what are you talking about? And they go, no, no, no, he did it at a, and they need other shows where he was doing it.

One other show. Oh, I know, yeah. Fuck, what's the, I wanna hear the bit. Is it a bit or what? It's a line, a bit is it a bitter or what a line? It's a line. It's just new catchphrase. It's like your Johnny Carson Let me tell you something in my day of something Dean when you go down to the buy you and then and then they go down Maybe sometime the barbecue places packs people out the door cuz five o'clock is happy hour And he go inside and it's barbecue slinging everywhere Joe

Sometimes you get in there. What is it? It's a goddamn Gator fight. Wee-haw! That's the line. That's the line. It's a goddamn Gator fight. He had somebody draw a picture. I didn't have somebody draw a picture in the catapult. Someone drew a picture. He made it his Twitter profile. That's the one.

He putty drew it and I fucking changed it. I didn't have anybody draw. He's a gator with a baseball bat The other one had nunchucks because it's a goddamn ghetto Jump in on the trashy guy Right it on your catchphrase. No, no, please. I've taken shit for Su-Fi, then it's nice to dish it out a little bit. Yeah, Su-Fi's made you a lot of money. I mean, a lot of money. Yeah.

Yes. 620 followers didn't give a shit about it's a goddamn kid. That's how he reached the good catch on. We're making t-shirts, t-shirts are coming. Gator fight t-shirts are coming. God damn, Gator fight. Woohoo. You know what? I've got a lot of positive feedback on Twitter. Yeah, you have. I'm a gamut fight t-shirts are coming. Got them, gamut fight. Woohoo.

You know what? I've got a lot of positive feedback on Twitter. Yeah, you have. You know what I will say? The Sufi thing, I never wanted it to be something where, like, I never sold it as sterk, sire foam. I never wanted it to be like a thing where people were dressed up as like giant Sufais.

It was for me, and I always kind of thought it'd be cool to have like a van hailing type symbol, but I never allowed it or wanted it to be something that people would like be wearing glowing fucking Sufah's and shit like that. I would do it. What the fuck are you talking about? Every fucking thing you're selling the merch booth had a Sufi on it. Yeah. You had a USB fucking Sufi. So go fuck yourself. There it is. Look at this. Dude, you had a USB keychain Sufi. Which, it was fucking... That is true. I should have sold the Sufi fucking foam fingers.

You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said?

You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said?

You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? You know what he said? I used to sell my CD at the shows. We're doing 15, 10, 15, 20,000 people at show. Okay, unfuckin', but I'll never forget it. In my life, the good, the bad, the ugly. It was fuckin' amazing. It was crazy. You have your long witch finger up. What do you want, Joe?

I appreciate that we're talkin' about Dane, but he's over here textin', tapin' out. Thinkin' he ducked a trashy. No, I think it was textin' the booker that I'm going in a little late a trashing. No, I can't. It was texturing me. And it was texturing me. I got another spot. It's bothering me. I was texting the booker, Mr. We Can't Do The Podcast.

That's right. You got a text. You got a text that booker, because if you late, it's a goddamn data fight. Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? Ha, ha, ha. Dang, dang, dang,ane right now

Doing gator hands Slap your hands together please take your picture doing Gator hands, but I have to be doing it to I'm gonna do a video. I'm gonna do video if you do a gator hands I'll say you guys have to yell the catchphrase and then I'll do the gator hands You know what this trash is worth it. Dangook, it's a goddamn data file! Woo-hoo! Yeah! Oh, I thought I was over this trash.

You're not all the shit, shut up. Yeah, I was. Dangook, it didn't dance soda, and it's a goddamn data file! Oh! Oh! Dangook, goddamn data file! He was thinking, how long is it gonna make me dump? Oh No catch phrase should make a sweat like that we

So all right man, well this is fucking this has been really good man. I'm glad I was I'm glad you finally got on the show I know I'm glad he kept saying I kept saying dude I want you to the podcast is like yeah, I'm only doing a face-to-face. He goes. I'm not calling in I'm not you finally got on the show. I know. I'm glad he kept saying, I kept saying, dude, I want you to do the podcast. He's like, yeah, I'm only doing a face to face. He goes, I'm not calling in. I'm not doing this shit. You finally got to eat the calling stuff. You know what I mean? You don't feel, you know, it's like,

are they watching TV and reading close captioning while you're, you don't want to be able to, you know, see somebody's interest in what you're talking about. Right. And now that I've been here, whatever. Yeah. Well, here's the thing've been here, whatever. Yeah. Well, here's the thing, somebody gave us a great compliment the other day.

He said, most, most, you know, it's usually us three, you know, one of them can't make it it's the other one, but it's, you, monly us three, but they said, you guys aren't trying to be anything. You're not on here trying to fucking find the riddle and the answer to fucking life, and you're not interviewing people

and trying to get that fucking crazy interview and have people tell you these fucking, it's just, it is what it is. Just having fun conversation. Yeah. And so yeah, it's, it's good. I'm glad you came. Thank you. Thank you. And you got a movie coming out. Yes. It's coming out. This is cool. And I do it all the time on pay per view on your TV. They give early releases. Yeah, yeah, we're VOD on this thing. Yeah, early release.

So we can go to your TV, watch it in your house. It's like 10 bucks. It's like going to the movies, but you don't have to pay for your fucking check and get our stupid twizzlers and fucking have her say no. You can't get the fucking pretzel balls, fucking twat. What's it called? It's called answers to nothing.

Great. And it's comedy or drama. It's a drama. It's a hardcore provocative Suspense thriller and it's actually kind of in the vein of like a crash or magnolia It's eight different stories of people's lives in LA that are intertwining around a missing a missing child case And I remember you did this a long time ago. Yeah, I did this right after the stuff of my brother Yep, I mean you would like to do it, I don't know. I don't know if should I do this?

We were talking, and you said, Bob or her, she's in it. I was like, holy shit, she's incredible. My scenes with her are really some of the, for me the best work I've done in my career are with her. And a lot of it was because she knew what had gone on my mom and I'd share things with her. And she did that thing that you would hope any, and she's iconic.

She had such grace and she was very compassionate, but she'd bludgeoned me by using it what I had told her. She literally used what I kind of told her about my relationship with my mom. And it's like, she pulled a performance out of me in that scene. Really? The acting that people have me in that scene. Really? The acting that people have appreciated in that moment

from the clip that keeps playing is because of what she did. I just listened. She's great. She's great in the entity. She gives a rape by a ghost. Right. And she was great in Paris, Trout. She gets raped with a coke bottle,

with coke in it coconut from Dennis Hopper Yeah, then don't wonder on the wonderful the natural and beaches Except for when bet middle of rapes are in beaches. I didn't care for that Love DVD extra it's it's in my version in my head that I do Shares to rape the cancer out of her right? That's a rout of her, right? Jesus Christ. All right. Oh, I'm sorry. You shower the dude, we can laugh a day.

Well, that way, Phil Bench. Listen, now that we're wrapped, why don't we all jump in the shower? You know, be easier that way. Yeah, dude, what do you think? We should just jump in the shower. Joe would do it. He'd love to see your body.

This has been a great podcast. So make sure you check out the movie. I'm releasing this this week. All the info's on my site or answers to nothing Facebook page because it's limited, it's select cities right now, 20 cities, but if you support it and we can, you know, get more people to it, then, you know,

maybe it'll be in other places where people can get to it. If not, VOD. VOD, right on your home and make sure you go to dancook.com, at Dan Soda on Twitter. Dan Soda just did my show, the Robert Kelly, you Halt truck show. He was the first comedian on it and he fucking did comedy. We pulled right up at a Dunk of Donuts and he fucking killed it.

I killed it. I was shocked. I thought you were going to take a hot one. But you did good. But you did good. That will be out soon. Make sure you go to the Robert Kelly show. I think it's at Robert Kelly show on Twitter.

Make sure you're there. I'm Robert Kelly on Twitter. Joe at Joderosa Comedy and JoderosaComedy.com buy his album off a fucking iTunes. Yeah, by the end, when does this come out on Monday? This, listen, Bert Christ, you were supposed to come out this Monday, but because of Patrice and all that stuff,

I wanted to, I felt that we had to do something and Dane was in town and you know me and Dane of the boy, one of his boys from the original fucking Boston crew and I just want, I released this first, this is coming out today, Monday. Okay. Yeah, yeah, no, I just want to plug, I, I, no, no, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, that's alright, no, no, no, no, that was nice, what you said. Yeah, I was.

Hang on, that's good. I just want to plug. No, I just want to know, I'm at the House of Comedy in Minneapolis, Minnesota this week. And then next week, I have three shows of Caroline. So please come out to those shows. And I'll be on the show's posters. And the show's posters.

And the show's posters. And I'll be on the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters.

And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show's posters. And the show. Yeah. And I get some going yacht shopping. I'm going to buy the fucking, don't have to work. You don't have to work. I am. I am. No, actually I'm getting a new motorcycle. So I'm going to be a... Don't get hurt.

Bobby is too. Get new Ducati. Don't get hurt. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Dane's fucking great friend, but I still have the hustle. Go to iTunes right now in pre-order Mr. P Patriso Niels upcoming CD all the money goes to his wife and his mom so right now right the fuck now go to iTunes in pre-order Patriso Niels upcoming CD Mr. P and then go by his DVD elephant in the room help to raise money for his family and his wife.

I'm going to miss you, Patrice. But that's the difference. The difference between 40-year-old, Coach, and 20. It's the amount of time I wait. That's it. 20, I wait forever. I'm just waiting in the corner like, oh, it's going to happen. I am going to wait for this 20-year-oldness.

40, I want a date. Two dates. Two dates, and then you got to start rolling them old drawers down. I'm not saying you're not sexy if it's for, I'm not, I'm just saying, it's the time, that's it. Like I want it now, if I'm willing to eat some stale cracker jacks, I'll eat some stale cracker jacks, but I want them right now.

If I say, hit me them stale cracker jacks right there, and you go, come and get them. I'm like, just throw him on the floor. They owe the boxes open. There's no prize anyway to magnifying glass. One peanut, get that get out of here. They can be crawled around for old praggajacks. If you want to understand, men, ladies, I'm here for you.

I'm just telling you what we are, what we are, you know, not who we are, what we are, just like what we are that makes us struggle. And really, men of perfect creatures, except for, you know, one, like if most women would want to be a man, if you didn't have to give up that power that you have, which is our weakness, that's our weakness, it's very difficult. I'm telling you, man, like I don't want to want to be with other women ever. Like I want to just walk down the street and go,

I never need to look at another woman again, because I'm with the last woman I'm ever going to be. And I like, but it ain't real, it's just... Like, no guy wants to cheat and hurt his woman, man. That hurts. First of all, think about what cheating is for a second, ladies. Cheating is a man.

He sneaks out of his own house to go like find some happiness behind your back So your feelings on hurt Cheatin is for you it's not She and us for you, it's not... It's not for me. We don't want to hurt you. If you give a lot of tech to tech to tech to a man and a woman and ask them the same questions we would pass them both up to a point where it's like, hey, I asked the woman, you love your man,

you love your family, you love your home, you love what you built, yep. All right, you see Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington, whatever standing there, would you risk everything you built with your man, just to sleep with him? And women, look, they're going, and then you go pass the test. People are like, you know, I,

it's, they look good, but I wouldn't, ask guys the same thing, you know, boom, love your woman, the kids, the hot, yeah. You see that girl passed woman behind a dumpster? I don't want to, but look at her with garbage on. She looks so cute with garbage on her. We're like, I'm trying to make it so women just understand a little bit of, like, just sympathize.

It's like, we're like sport fishermen. This is what I'm saying. Men like to fish. And sport fishing is different from catching fish for food. You just get it. You get it. You catch it. And you, you know, you show your friends. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Because you want them to know that you can catch fish. You take a couple of pitches so you can show people the fish that you have the ability to catch. And then you release it back into the water. But a lot of women in here, you have boyfriends or husbands. And then you release it back into the water. But a lot of women in here, you have boyfriends or husbands. You were fish that jumped back on the boat.

And just was like flapping, looking at me like, Hi. I was wondering if you're going to be fishing here again next week, like... Yeah, for other fish, get off my boat! Is that how you treat all the fish? You'd be like, oh, god damn. Nope, I'm sorry, it's me, you're the last fish I ever wanted to be with. Now you stuck.

Stuck with the last fish who was loving you and fighting hard to be on your boat. Then she got comfortable and now she's instead of doing this, she's like, so we've been together for like, for a year now, why do you still have a boat? You'd be like, so as you try to say, I can't catch fish no more. Why are you eating catch fish?

Because if I lose my ability to catch fish, then you're not gonna find me sexy no more. So you gotta smell fish on me so that you know I can catch fish so you can act right. That's like guys, you meet your girl. She was a hoe. Like, had hoe, like, she put the old booty and this and that.

You gotta let her do that. Don't start trying to frumper up and get a fat and get a file. Because that's why you like her. I don't want no woman that no other guy is trying to f**k. I don't want a woman that I can send to the store at two in the morning. Because nobody's gonna try to rape it like I go Don't get some brand and three in the morning. Hey cook through the alley bitch

I talked to the junkies they don't want a dang I don't like Yo, what's up, f**kers! If you think Robert Kelly is funnier, you know what dude, you should see this white motherfucker stand up! CM Live December 7th at the Gotham Comedy Club, will be headlining a special laugh button live show. Then, our new year's eve will be at the stress factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey sun, our January 7th at the Beculler Back Home, there's Boston fans all the white motherf**kers

at the Wilbur Theatre. Be sure to get your tickets at RobertKellyulli live com. It's for the world You know what I'm dead? I'm stuck in the fog, I'm in the fog You know what I'm dead? But this car's hurting, I'm suffering You know what I'm dead? Really dude, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, you you you you you Con Volotea, la región de Murcia en un país de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la capital de la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fui, parás!

Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. venderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.