Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Return of Joey Roses

Episode Date: November 14, 2016

This week on YKWD: It's the return of Dangerous Joe! On the eve of a historic election, we are joined by guests Joe Derosa, Sam Morril, Christi Chiello, and JP Mcdade! We talk the election, roast battle, and the days when Joe lived in New York! Watch/Listen and enjoy! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? ¿Y no lo sé, dude? ¡On the Riotcast Network!

Riotcast.com. ¡Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth! ¡This is going to be a cost of fire! This podcast has no rules. ¿Qué es la mic? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying podcast. No rules. I'm gonna go to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic?

Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yeah. And sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That love doing it sides of the coin

The day my podcast is popular. I might affect somebody's life. You never know Yep Here we go What's happening? It's Election Day. It's here. The end of the world. It's all over.

It's all fucking over. Is New York going to riot? Is it going to happen? Is the world going to fucking erupt? Is America a new America on the horizon? Or are we fucking finished? Who knows? Tonight.

Hillary Clinton. New America on the horizon or are we fucking finished? Who knows? Tonight Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump will be elected president. There's no third party, fourth party. We get two choices. Just two. We have Deepo, the man we get Lauren, the wool man. We have veryo the man we get Lauren the woman We have very special show tonight Who's on the show tonight, baby? We have Samarral Samarral very funny guy who I am I am a big fan of you will be on the show hasn't been on in a while. Yeah, he only comes on when we have guest hosts That's like a specialty weird. Yeah know it's weird. Well, that's because Scopo only books him when I'm not here.

Can we say Scopo? No, I'm kidding. I saw him the other night at Creek in the Cave. Yeah, it was now he did the Legion of Skanks, Legion of Skanks. Anyways, and we all, who else we have? We have Christy Chelo. Christy. Chelo, what a lie. Love Kristi, of course, I love her.

She's a babysitter too. No! Wow, I'm gonna let... It's my job. I'm gonna let Lauren and Kristi fight it out. How good did my pitch sound as babysitter? Yeah, you're gonna teach my kid to be smart. Yeah.

I can do it on straight. Yeah, but me and Max have a blast together. Yeah, well... Do I have a blast? you're gonna teach my kid to be smart. Yeah. Yeah, I can do it. Sounds great. Yeah, but Mimax have a blast together. Yeah. Do I have a blast? You're gonna go to Harvard. What do you want? I would like him to have a blast at Harvard.

That's possible. Yeah, like a van wilder type thing. Have you and Dan's soda? You and Dan's soda actually, baby, that'd be the perfect baby, baby, said it. Perfect. Yeah, parents.

As soon as he fucking wanted to kill himself from listening to you and your equations Then dammit com ogle hey buddy. What's up? Hey, what's up, bro? Anyways, we also have a newcomer to wikie wdjp Which I love I love newcomers. I love we have somebody I haven't met Is he funny? Very talented. You say young cock, we would say young cock. I was gonna say young hot talent. A young hot cock.

Young cock. Hot cock. Is he a hot cock? Is he a nice looking guy? I think so. I always see him with a babe. He's always with a babe, so. Nice.

We'll see we have a nice hot young cock on tonight. Ha ha. And we have a very special guest that I booked, which I'm very excited about. Very excited about. And if you're a fan, if you're a true fan of the YKWD, then you know what, Dad! You know what, Dad, Dad!

Podcast, you will love this motherfucker. You're gonna be very, very excited about tonight. So all you guys in the chat room, sit back in your stool You're fucking desk chair your couch your fucking truck your cop car wherever the fuck you are We are we have a great show. How do you what else we got you anything you you want to bring up there deep room? No, well, you know we could talk about the election and you know the voting process today what we went through no the voting process today Did it fail you Bob? Well, here's the fucking deal. I went to vote because I got guilted in

From my friends Louis If you vote for Hillary you're nice if you vote for Trump you're fucking stupid, but if you don't vote you're a piece of shit You know Amy go vote Everybody little everybody's like, you gotta go vote. And, you know, so I fucking, I told my wife I'd like to vote. She looked it up online. All she got to do is go to the 48th street. That's where you're registered. Amen, hadn't. Man-hatten in our own neighborhood, hell's-kitchen. So I'm coming down. I go to therapy after therapy. I go up that street and it's not too hell's kitchen. So I'm coming down, I go to therapy, after therapy,

I go up that street and it's not too, I found a parking spot and I go, this is meant to be. I pulled up, there was a line, I waited in the fucking line. For two fucking hours. What? Two hours I was in a line with a bunch of liberal actors who never made it. A bunch of fucking nobodies.

Oh, thank God. Oh, Jesus, people you know, but you don't know. Yeah. You know, like me. You know, when people see me in a CVS in Idaho, you, did you, have you ever? You're a man of the people, Bob. Yeah, well, I waited for fucking two hours.

And all of a sudden, literally, there's two people left in my, I had the longest line Because you know wherever your zip code is your line 84 you're line 80. Yeah, I was line 80 longest line in the place And suddenly the lady behind me was an asshole. She kept getting too close to me So I'd back up and step on her foot. She go. Oh You know when you bump into something they go, oh, like you're fucking punched them. Right. You know, it's like fuck you.

I just want to go that didn't hurt. There's no way that hurt. You fucking asshole. You overact there. If you use those acting skills in your career 30 years ago, maybe it'd be somebody. So anyways, I'm waiting. And I'm going to cast my vote.

I'm going to cast my vote. Make your gonna cast my vote. I'm going to cast my vote make your impact on the nation Yeah, and there's two people away all of a sudden round Hamilton comes in fucking lucky balls God's favorite son all gods He walks in he's lying 84 three people three fucking people. I'm waiting for two hours. I get up there Yeah, yeah, we don't have you What do you mean? You don't have me? We don't have your names not here

This should be if this should be a plan for that This is my fucking name she goes where you can take this piece this lady's frantic She's been she has the longest line ever all day long people hate this lady She's a DMV lady She goes, uh, yeah, you take this envelope and go see that lady who was worse. I mean, just worse. Oh, she was fucking just this big woman, you know, she had, I didn't see she was on her phone, so I walked up to her and I didn't see it.

And I was, excuse me, and she stuck her finger up. She went like, she gave me the finger, not the fuck you finger, which I would have loved. I'd rather take a fuck you. I'll take a fucking Sufi. I'll take a super finger. She gave me the, looked, gave me the finger and then looked away

and put her finger on her ear to let me know she's on the phone. And it just went like that. Anyways, and then started talking. You fucking twat. I left. I left. You lost my vote.

And I hope my vote was the deciding factor. I really do. I hope tomorrow Trump wins. One vote. And it was me. And if it was me, Bob Kelly. Well, if you wanna say you voted, I gotta stick her for you that you can have. Thank you.

They're actually selling those online. People are selling their stickers. Why? Black market voter stickers? Yeah. I'll take it, I'll fuck it too. You know why? Because I put in the fucking time.

He did. You care? I put in the time, I waited in line, I went through where I was supposed to go, and I was inactive. That's what it said I'm inactive a lot of people are inactive. You are in active, Bob. What? Yep, I'm fat. Is that a fat joke? Jesus Christ. I love anything you did it, but you did it too.

Shay, you told me not to you said it was a bad idea, but I don't think no. I don't think so I just think when you do them too much you become like gnome. It's all you got So anyways, we got a great show tonight. What else what else are we gonna talk about? 631 so I think we're having guests. Let's bring them up bring them all up. We're gonna bring the guests up now My beautiful show. What's that? Well, I was gonna mention my voting process very easy. What was yours? It was in a public school near my house. Yeah, it's that nylon rolled in like I hold the like I owned the place no line Yeah, it was great. Yeah, that's great. I'm like I hold the like I owned the place no line. Yeah, it was great Yeah, that's great. I'm good. Who'd you vote for? I voted for some dumb bitch. I don't know her name you voted

Did you vote for Hillary? I did wow democratic across the board? So you just did the easy thing I did the bottom you do one line. Yeah, you used to the one line How can you be you keep listen? There's no one there's no one line. How can you be you keep listening to one there's no one line that we talk about. There's one little box that says you vote for all Democrats. Yeah. One of the options didn't have a Democratic option. So really. Yeah. Some people are unopposed. So I'm not gonna tell you who I voted for. I'm not gonna tell you who I was gonna vote. Yeah. I can't get a gauge on it. I think you could go either way. You can go either way. It was I'm not gonna tell you who you think I voted for. think you voted for Hillary really I didn't vote

But I was gonna vote Unfucking believable two hours, and of course Ryan Hamilton God's lover There he is We have our special guest is here right now. You're right here Joe right fucking there Right there. We got Joe Is that for him who's that for the coffee? Yeah, what do you want coffee? We got you coffee. I got you coffee Joey we got the coffee Joey fucking diesel house Joey we're right we're live right now,. Sit down, we got the cameras and everything.

You're on camera. We got Joe Derosa. The original mother fucking, can someone help him with his mic? Apparently, back in the day, we used to have to hold these things at my house, remember that? Have my kitchen. Yeah, you talking about your nuts?

My nuts, oh shit. The, this Jesus Christ dude. I went went what? What's wrong? This is just weird being back. Your back kid? This is... You got some headphones there too.

Put those, what do you want? I don't wear headphones. Okay. Okay. I don't put the headphones on. This is uh, you know man. Yeah. This is fucking crazy.

From the beginning. From the beginning, I mean the original, you know what dude? Yeah, I know. Right? You know what? The? Yeah, I know. Right? Crazy. You know, as with the other night was a cone and Smith, our old manager, a fucking armward and upward, baby. Yeah, we were fucking in a cab. We went to a comedy central party together, but we were talking about the show. He's like, I missed tech talk. Remember that? I still got the blanket. Do your fans remember tech talk? Oh yeah. The original ones. Yeah.

The original ones remember tech talk. I mean, that's like way, way back. That's deep cuts at this point. That's deep, deep, deep cuts. Dude, we used to do this on a fucking zoom. Out of my, remember my wife used to, remember that? Remember she would talk on the podcast

and they'd be like, you don't talk on the podcast. I yell it and that was before I had a kid, before I jizzed in a vagina and left it. That was, that wasn't just before you had a kid. That was like, that was before before you had a kid. My God. Look at this fucking, you got this nice desk. We got a nice desk.

So whatever you call it, right? You should call this episode reminiscing. It's very enjoyable for all of us. Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. It is. Anyways, remember in pre-sodor, right? Pre-sodor. When soda was fucking slinging guacamole. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, it was a fucking waiter. The man of your dreams, the guy you looked up to, he's not perfect. He smells it. Smell him. His pocket still smells like angels.

All right, let's go around the room. What do we got, T-Poon? Uh, we have our first guest, Chrissy Chullo. Hi. Hi, Margaret. I love you, voice. I love you, Bobby. Oh, do you see this is the thing we can't be lovers. I know. I have a son and a wife and you're going to be my baby sitter.

Who is this bass time, where? You're going to be a bass sitter. That's going to be Bobby's baby sitter. That's good. All right. That's good. All right. That's kind of fucked up. No, not until I have to drive you back to the fucking train at White Plans and my car stalls and lower than I were fucking on the side of the road.

We were fighting over who'd babysit on that. I love it. Both of you guys babysit one night and then you both blow me in my car. What? I'd fucking, I don't want to leave Don a love my wife. I just want her from somebody else. No. No, don't do that.

That's fine. Anyways, who else we got here? I'm Liz. JP McDade. Hey. Hi JP, first time on the show. Yeah, good to be here. Thanks for dressing up, dude.

I appreciate it. I just got a question. If both the babysitters are blowing you who's watching the kid my wife Yeah, oh yeah, I would never leave the kid alone. I'm not a shitty parent. I'm just a piece of shit husband I am not a fucking monster. What do you find? I love my good? How you doing buddy good man? Where you from I'm from Connecticut? No shit. Yeah, wow That's why I would have guessed actually. Well part of Connecticut.

Richfield. This is good. This is good. Dan Berry. Dan Berry. From Newtown. It's near Newtown. It's near Denver.

Yeah. OK. I love it up there. Tax is low. Nice houses. Not a mid-century contemporaries. Thank you. Which I'm a fan of.

The Brady Bunch House. Yeah. You are. And trees. You got a pool growing up? No, no pool. Do you mean rocks? Oh, you didn't have a pool growing up. No. Oh, it was a very hard life.

Yeah, very hot. No pool of you have it above ground pool. Is that why it was a hard? No, come on. No pool. You're not even paying a cent of this. Also, when a above ground pool is worse than no pool at all, if you're paying attention. Yeah, of course we have Joey Joey D Joey roses. The mother fucker It's been so long good. I wouldn't I well I saw you in LA, but I feel like I haven't seen you face in a long time

We haven't seen each other in a while. It's been a while. Yeah, been a while. It's been a while It's been a wild ride these last few years. I know we'll talk about some shit I can't wait to get into it. We are gonna reminisce and now of course we got my a new friend of mine Sam Morel I thought we were friends for a while we would have but not like me and you know friendly now every sentence you guys say it's like slashing axle rows yeah well heavy-handed yeah we we I think we're becoming friendly or yeah yeah yeah we're not friends you can mock my energy a lot you don't like my sobering energy well you you're a showstopper. You're a party pooper. You're a candle putter outer.

Yeah, I agree. I think, I think, yeah, I think you expect everyone to be stavros and just kneel over and take it. I don't know, the tag it is just a nice guy that has Greek food every once in a while. I've just never heard show stopper as a negative before. Yeah, show Michael the heartbreak kid. I take it as a compliment.

Apparently you've never seen his act late night. Very good. It's very strong. Thank you very nice credit. I never I met Sam when he was 19, fucking six months, Anderson. 19, he had a show up in Midtown. Yeah, yeah. Then this weird little black box theater and yeah, it was a good show.

It was great. I remember coming up to do that show and then doing a ton of coke in the bathroom with some girl I met and then coming out and being ashamed of myself. And I was before the coke just after I said. You would be like, I'm just so appreciative that you do the show. Yeah, now he's a contender. I looked up to Joe. I saw him on comics on leash and I remember he did joke I loved and I'm going to Joe. I saw him on comics on leash. And I remember he did joke, I loved. And I'm going to quote the joke.

You say, you say I'm adopted. And people always ask, do I try to meet my real family? And you go, no, I took the hint, actually. That's a great joke. Of course, when I say it, it sounds better. I actually thought that was a pretty good laugh. Kind of nailed. No, kind of a joke, pure as joke.

And I could say. Yeah, Chris, his laugh is coming. So you really can't count that. That's like Stavros' laugh. It's coming. It's giving. It's a given. How long ago was that dude? Long to 11 years ago. Yeah. Wow. It's so clear. It's a green bomb. No, those are dead. That's fun guy. No, I love it. I like it. I like Harrison.

I like it too. Yeah, let's take a care to it. I did not know you were doing Coke in my show. I didn't do it in your show. We went to the bar after, and I did it at the bar with my girlfriend at the time. And I felt like ashamed if you knew who you didn't know. So I should have kept my mouth shut. Now who's fucking reminiscing?

Yeah, we got Deepu and we got Lauren over on the video. So I need video fuck ups, it's Lauren's fault. Yep, sorry guys. Please write in to Waikie WD Produce. What is it? Waikie WD producer at Ryke. We forgot to read the thing. We're supposed to read this at the beginning.

I guess we'll read it an hour and... Christie's gonna read the read tonight. Yeah. Of course we go to, if you have an iPhone or what is it a fucking? What are you calling? iOS or Android Android? Android iOS or Android go download the free app right now. Why key WD podcast? Robert Kelly, you know what dude app?

I don't like neither of those things actually. What is it? You know it dude? It's Robert Kelly's you know what dude app rap and it's absolutely 100% fucking free And then you had a piece of that joke you stuck around and then you become That's funny you said then you then you actually joined the premium membership Which a lot of fans came out this last week in Michigan on my this tour. I'm doing the Michigan run a lot of premium I love cuz you they come up I'm a premium member. They're actually proud of it, which is exactly yes Yeah, because you're supporting the show One ninety nine a month you join you get all the

The you get the creeps for kids episode which is one of the funniest pretty shows I ever did We're gonna be doing another one of those. It's going right behind the paywall I'm gonna be doing that I think after Christmas or before Christmas And then what's yet the podfest is up there. Yeah. So premium or get the app and join for free. It comes right on the account. It's not six, seven, eight, 15 bucks, one, 99 a month to support the show.

What else do we got? You can check, are we doing the whole thing right now? So we do our social media, YKWDude podcast on Instagram, YKWD podcast on Twitter, Facebook, so you know, support us on that. Yeah, support us on that like link, share, retweet, all that shit. Anyways, I, yeah, me and Joe used to do the show. At my house, I started doing it by myself on my phone.

And I remember the first things I did, I did it by myself somewhere, and it was just me, and so I got a ghost hunter. Some girl, she was a ghost hunter. I still, I never released this podcast. I still have it. I should release it. What was the cut?

I don't know, I forgot, it was before. What did you just turn down? I wasn't on that one. That was pretty easy. I like your little hot box. I don't care, you don't have a turn my mic down, Deepo. Deeper. I'm trying to make a good show here. Deep, you should go be a cool thing to release,

collect the ex, what did you, we're the premium. I like being hot. Okay. Tell me to back off the mic. I'm a hot mic type of guy. Yeah, you are. Oh, that's cool for you. That's what I'm talking about.

That's cool for you. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking crap, we're riding the hot paddotties. You're a little hot. I'm not Van Halen, I'm a fucking head of the mic myself. I got 25 years in the biz. I got a fucking fucking, fucking fucking call me. I'm fucking, don't even call him Quin you.

I'm fucking more fucking people. I could win the game more. I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I am, yeah. Yeah, I did this, here's the funny part. I did this, this, this fan, she was a ghost. I don't think she was, I think she went one time to a haunted hotel

But I think she was I don't know we did this whole thing at my hotel room Right and the whole time I was sitting there like should I try to like get it my dexoct And I'm like I can't I'm married I'm married and I can she's talking about ghosts and all this shit Am I do you ever get an EVP nice? Like and all this shit, am I ever getting EVP? Nice did, I think. Like, who was I didn't, because I love my wife, I would never do that. But I do have this weird, this fucking weird podcast with this girl.

And then, of course, me and Joe, we live two blocks away from each other for years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a great time, that was five years. Five years? How long was this? Like how long have you guys known each other? Yeah, a lot of times since I'm a Bob the the

Christ almighty. This the second week I was in New York. Really? I remember the first road we did Keith Robbins in me and Brian Billig are the guy who booked the show. That's not true. The first one we did was the one with you, Oakerson and Burr. Oh, and that was the first one. In Troy, New York with the strip club. Oh, God. The grind and all over you thing. Troy New York known for its strip clubs. I tell you what, absolutely.

I'm gonna fuck up, right? What's your name again? JP. JP, what? Because you get out of fucking white boyville. White boyville. You Troy, New York, I'm telling you this. We did this fucking show.

I like you asking his name. You could have just flown through it through that with that asking me That was you have to be little in no that was part of my thing. I did that intentionally Can you not fuck with a term my mic down to listen? I Face I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, I'm gonna fuck you, Don't fuck the mic. Don't bang the mic. It's a brand new microphone. It's very expensive. Please don't. We're like, what are we fucking? Lady, we're not hacks. None of us. None of us, we're not a bang in the microphone. We either we drop the mic. We're laughing.

Literally making fun of this lady. Yeah. And then we're all on the other room. There's one big room and there's another big room. Burr's on. All of a sudden, we hear Ting Ting. Burr has a bit at the end of his acro, he just smacks the mic off the mic stand. Yeah. He's like, ding-ing, ding-ing, ding-ing. something he a tain tain per has a bit at the end of his equity just smacks the mic off the mic stand yeah like then you know you're here the fucking thing like what the fuck and then he goes in the comic drops the fucking mic and he drops the mic yeah he has a bit about the comic that drops the fucking mic we walk him a look what

are you doing he goes what she said not to go so I forgot outside what the yeah then we went down to a strip club that they it was literally a fucking Duplex that they converted into a strip club. It was a storefront It looked like it used to be a subway sub shop and they blacked out the windows We didn't we were like what the fuck's this we were looking for food. It's still like toppings. It was It was So we, stop roast.

That's not good enough. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, we were like, what the fuck is this? I remember we walked in and we were like, are you fucking kidding me? It was crazy. The chicks were really going to add it too. They were like, 69 and interesting.

No, no, no, this what happened. Wow. We go like this, I go, it was three, there was four people in there. Us knows, five people, us and one dude. So I walk up to the guy, I go, it was three, there was four people in there. Us knows, five people, us and one dude. So I walk up to the guy, I go, hey, can we smoke in here? Goes over to the door, he does a fucking Bronx tale, locks the door, he goes, you can now.

Right. We start fucking, I'm lighting up, that's when I smoke, we're smoking cigarettes. All of a sudden, the girls, the guy who gives them a talk to the girls, the girls, when girls gets a duffel bag, comes back, there's like a pit. Remember the pit? Yeah, yeah.

They go into the pit with the duffle bag. They start doing all this fucked up 69 and then we all get around the pit. But as they go in further and further, they start dimming the lights and the music, the DJ. So it's like, you know, and then he's like, all right, and all of a sudden it's pitch dark, almost no music.

And we can't see, he goes, if you want to, you guys want these lights back up, you better start tipping. So we'd start just throwing money in. And then the lights come back, I'm like, ah, and the girls just start fucking stick and stuff in their assholes. And then they'd start kissing and it would slow down,

they'd go again. Great technique. I remember we were waiting, we were waiting for the last bit of light in the room by like the third time. We were just like wait wait wait now. Just I throw my in. That was the creepiest that was the creepiest strip club thing I ever part took in next to next to next to when Ocarson had his bachelor party and they shut down a comedy club, I don't want to say what club because I don't want to get any trouble. What a rhyme with.

Mand up Moonmoor. Something like that. They locked, we did it overnight in the club and they had strippers in there and they were fucking, they were, these strippers were really being fucking wild with each other. And I took, I had a $5 bill rolled up. Yeah. And I didn't even realize I was doing it. I was just grazing it around her asshole very slowly and gently.

And Justin Silver goes, you're a fucking creep. And I go, what? And I realized what I was doing. And I go, what? And I realize what I was doing. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. He just, I just, I just, I'm still recording you a creep. And then he started kissing a dog. It was a fire rolled up. Yeah, he called you a creep and you shirtless.

Jay was actually licking his nipple. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But then the other, the other, the other gig you brought up was the, the first, the one that you originally said was the first one. This is to me, the really good story is, is, you was you me, Keith, Keith and Norton. Yeah. I mean, talk about intimidating. Just fucking, you know, you're like this wide eyeed open, Micah. And it's like, well, once you guys standing, they go, once you come open first at this college, and you're like, yeah,eyed open-micre. And it's like, well, once you guys standing there, they go, once you come open first at this college, and you're like, yeah, I'll ride up state

with three of the meanest men I've ever met. I don't know. Oh, my God, I met him. I had to ride up alone with Keith, and he just smashed me the entire fucking ride. Oh, yeah. You stink, shut your fucking mouth, Joe. Just screaming at me.

I remember in the restaurant, we were making fun of your shoulders so bad. I remember you just kind of looking down at the menu, frustrated, pretending to look like for food, what you want. But inside you were just searching for a hug, like you were looking for a happy word. And then I remember the booker, this little nerd guy, he actually made, he said something about your shoulders.

Yeah, yeah, he did. And what was a good one? Punch that fucking cock sucker in his throat. Because you know, he knows when the fucking nerd manager, Booker wants to jump in on the phone. He smells fierce. Yeah. Fuck. No one hurts you more than Keith. He knows how to fucking get to your core.

He does. The night, the night I auditioned here, he was just, I was panicking. He just looked at me goes look how scared he is SD. Yeah, look at him Just fucking with me and it hurt. There's nothing you know. No, he just take it. He knows Yeah, we were in we were in Duncan Donuts to the states my favorite Keith Robinson story It's my first Keith Robinson story is my favorite. Hi, we were in Duncan Donuts. Bobby, me, Norton and Keith were standing at the counter. There was a kid, like a 14 year old kid helping Bobby and Norton with their order. Some 13 year old girl comes out of the kitchen and walks up to Keith and she goes, do you want anything? And he just points over the fucking counter. He goes, I want you to shut your trap. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He is one of the fucking funniest human beings I've ever met he has he is just a piece of shit

He's a piece of shit. No, I remember we'll we'll walk in through it This but he's one of the nicest guys ever. I love him. I remember the first I would take a literally take a bullet for the guy, but he's a piece of garbage the first gig We ever did together you would take a post-stroke bullet form. I mean that seems like We have a did you know you would take a post stroke bullet form. I mean that seems like I Maybe not a post yeah, but If he was You really don't want the stroke joke to eat shit while we knew one of us is gonna try it

I just didn't know which one was gonna do it. I was just about to sneak one out. I'm glad yours came But yours was funny in the mind and bomb Mine wasn't even funny. Mine would have just mean. Yeah, the first time I did a gig with them, I, I'm I'm a wood bridge, we're going to fly another no work. I forgot my, my ID on 100 and was it 97 street and Lex, right, he we have to drive from his house in Woodbridge all the way to fucking, he drives me all the 97 andbridge all the way to fucking, he drives me all the way 97 and Lex, all the way back through the city to the airport.

What a nice guy. And then he's hitting on every woman you see is. Right. At like six in the morning. Just walking, yo, what's up, man? How you doing, show me, what's up? Every fucking, and then he walks up to the ugliest chick I've ever seen in my life.

And he's talking to me, yeah, maybe he gets her number. I'm like, what the fuck was that? He goes, practice motherfucker. I was like, you're a piece of shit. Just a hulk of work. Just a worse. Just a worse. One of my favorite memories was Patrice.

I won a Patrice's barbecue. It was Tourette, Keith, me and Patrice is one of Patrice's barbecues. It was Tourette Keith, me and Patrice. And it was Patrice and I discussing who was the biggest piece of shit between the three of them, between Keith, Tourette and Patrice. Yeah, Keith is. Two Ray One. Oh, really? You got the most kids, right?

Two Ray One. He's made the most mistakes. Two Ray One, that one. That they're where I can't say it right now, but he was on the... He made the most mistakes. You were one that won that, that they were, I can't say it right now, but he won that day. But it really came down to the wire between Keith and Tourette.

Well, I remember Keith showed up with his down, he showed up with a wicker hat. You know the little hats like the Scally caps, like the paper boys used to wear? He showed up with one made of fucking like, like, basket. Shit. Like someone made it in the tropics. He went on some shit gig or something.

He went on a cruise with Wanda and bought this hat at some port. Shows up a tree house. I took it and threw it in the fucking, the grill. Oh yeah. This, this cocksack, it reached into hot flames and threw it in the fucking, the grill. Oh, yes. This, this cocksack, it reached into hot flames and pulled it out, put it back in his head with grill marks on it. Oh my God. That's amazing.

It's, no one shits on your outfit more than Keith and it's like, dude, you weren't fucking our guy. It's the worst outfit I've ever seen. He's a trash person. He would buy touristy shit. I tell him, he comes out to LA all the time. And he goes, he goes, you know me stupid. Let's get lunch.

I'm at the W. You know where I got to say, I go only trash things to W. I go, you're the blackest white trash of the remind of life. You're just disgusting. Yes. That's nice stupid. No, it's not key. They just shine pink lights on the wall. Trash. Yeah, yeah. It really is some shitty European hotel. It stinks. Yeah, it fucking stinks. He kind of like the W. I'm not gonna lie. Because you're trash, Sam. God damn it. I'm too trash.

I am. I'm California split. You trash.. Since getting points, he can't risk those. He's got to promote a little bit. This is called the bomb bandana. Come on. And I'll let you know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You're gonna wear it like, Mattel around your neck. Oh, I don't care. I love a bandana.

That's why I pick up guys in the 70s. I, we, so Keith has his stroke, right? So it's terrible. What did you say that way? I said real pieces. So this fuck is fucking smoke, right? So this black guy has this stroke, right? He did. He had a hell of a stroke.

We're all in the fucking waiting room. He comes out in the wheelchair, hands up. Like this. I go, I literally went, no. And then he goes, I'm just kidding. Oh my God. I go I literally went no and he goes I'm just kidding Only kids would do that you literally a week no a week I mean literally a week after he had this stroke It comes out and does it called him the day

After it happened when he was in the hospital. Yeah, I go the day after it happens. Rachel Feinstein texted me, told me what happened. I called him on his cell. When you morgan murphy, you want to mention fuck it somebody else. Rachel Feinstein, not that that's a drop. I didn't mention the name. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. Yeah. I'm not. She, uh, Rachel's a name now. Come on. Where are our name? He's bust.

Oh, you should be. I could. I was on a bus once. Just a name now come on where are the amies bust? Oh I was on a bus once I love rachael's my friend Was that mean? What the fuck happened to you come on what happened to me? No, you're a fucking town. I moved into a town where look wait don't side try hold on a second This is a good fucking someone put a mark on that thought. This is a good story. I can't wait to you snap on that leg She texted me and goes did you told me what happened to you guys you can call him on his cell

Yeah, it's like call a cell. He picks up the phone. He goes what do you want stupid? That's how he answers his fucking phone the day after he has the stroke Yeah, I mean it was not as clear as that, but you know, I, he's a little more slow. Yeah. Um, he's doing good. Fucking asshole. He's doing, he's doing great. I'm so, I'm so good to be able to read you. Well, I'll tell you why.

So I have, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. All right. We do the creeps with Kid Show, right? Which is, you know, forrantine, Bonnie, Gomez, me, Bennington, hosted with his daughter. It's a comedy show about parenting. We do all our kid material, then we go up and Bennington does this panel with us about parenting.

It's very funny, really funny show. Keith walks in, he goes, you know, he wants to do five. He wants to do five. So I'm like, yeah, fuck him go up in front of me. You know, I'm like, how hard is it? You know, I can follow him now right? Yeah exactly the only one half works buddy This fucking goes up and just kills with all new stroke jokes right well I'm fucking like god Did I you shit me please something you made fun of him when you went on stage?

Yeah, of course. I just was like I didn't think he was gonna do that good. He just had a stroke He hasn't written worse. You haven't written material in fucking years We know he's got one less arm no right away She doesn't write it I'm sure dictates it Yeah, yeah, he's fucking killing it. He is he is we're I'm very happy that he's that he's backing Yeah in action. He's what he's one of the pillars of our community. Yeah, I love the guy. I love him too I love the guy. No, no, no, I know you know, I'm not saying it like why I love the guy

Bye, but I love him too, but I'm just saying that either You do can I some of that whiskey up there? Yes, of course, of course Can I do yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I follow where it's wrong I didn't know we were left with whiskey. I was trying to be a polite guest. Yeah Bobby is one of the best sober people I know. And I'll tell you, for two reasons. Number one, this motherfucker will come hang out with you. No bar hop with you.

Even though he doesn't drink. He'll just hop. He'll just sober. What? I know you were sober. 30 fucking years. No hop from bar to bar with you. And then he also likes it if you drink around him like like

If you're with him, he's not like don't get drunk. He's like can't you on dude? I want to see what happens Yeah, I don't care. Well, you got you had sober so young Maybe maybe if it was like a few years ago, right? Well, no, I got sober young But I've definitely have you know you can look at my t-shirt size the underlying causes I've switched addictions. That's all I did. I went cigarette sex and the you know my 20s and 30s and then you know now it's you know I'm trying to kick this food addiction which is fucking. I'm excited to bring starbursts on the road. That's a good idea. I fucked up. I did miss guy. Look at him. Come on. He's a twig. He's a whale. I should have brought you. Jesus Christ lady.

I should have brought you Jesus Christ lady She's from Jersey Joe yeah, that's fucking I two things I want to talk about she took it the butt last night for the first time So cheers to that Saloo Saloo to a new beginning Yeah to a new beginning to it and to a dirty dick top Yeah, you married are you new guy? No, no guy that's a real toast. That's a stranger. No, you married, aren't you? New guy. New guy? New guy? That's a real toast.

What? That's a toast. How many dates? Two, right? No. He's a hottie. Yeah, he's got a big piece. Big piece.

Listen, when you port neat, you go to the like there. OK, do you want to? You want to have another kind of pussy, dude? I'm just telling you. Oh, this is gonna be great. You know, it's a playwright. We can just bust of pussy, dude. I'm just telling you. I'm just telling you. You know that's a playwright. We can just bust out rails, Joe. These are real people.

We are. Can you, can I borrow this? Yeah, I know. That way you can, Joe. He's trying. Yeah, someone's trying for 11 years. Have you been doing this for 11 years? Jesus Christ.

I, I'm glad that one got nothing. We'll keep it here for a second. Nobody's so much better than eyebrows yet. So your physique looks like a fucking melted pumpkin from Halloween. Hang on, let's call Jeff Ross and we're gonna do a rose paddle. Can we keep it clean? We got to do the best. Are you a rose paddle guy too right? Yeah, yeah, we just did the test. Did you win? I don't want to, I can't reveal like in the results. Okay, all right, okay. I think it was good. It was very good. So yeah.

And here's a, I'll not decide track a little bit, but here's what's funny about you is that you look like you'd be the nicest guy in the world, but you're probably just a piece of shit. You're a mean guy. You're a mean person. Yeah, you can come up with some nice hot ones. Now do you write all your own stuff and you get help? Yeah, write all my own stuff.

You don't get any help. I'll pass ideas every now and then and see like what's my funniest stuff. What are you write all your own stuff? And you get help. Yeah, right all my own stuff. You don't get any help. Up outside, there's every now and then, see like what's my funniest stuff. What are you shaking your head for, baby? Because you don't get help. What do you mean? Oh, come on. What do you mean? You should get help.

You should have done something. You should have gotten help when you went against me. You're pretty ugly. See how I battle each other at the grammar? Yeah. Got me. Is it like Trump, almost being president, how big this roast battle and

then fight, fight this and fun? It's the end of comedy. I mean, stand up. Comedy is no more. How do you mean? It's not enough. Now we need to, we're little, it's like sex. When you surface that to fuck, uh, fucking is fine. Kissing, grab it some titty. Then you gotta eat some pussy. Then you gotta eat some ass. Then you gotta like Lauren get it in your ass. Right?

We'll pass the point of, you know, it's gonna come full circle. Well, stand up will be good again. But it's like TV that stand up, it's not good enough. You gotta do something else. Like comics literally have to fucking trash. Roasting was an honorable thing that people did who to honor somebody. like comics literally have to fucking trash roasting was a

horrible thing that people did yeah who to honor somebody would be an event now it's a competition well not between that they let these three do it yeah you know what I mean like there was nothing on that I thought that I really thought that was gonna get you in the uh huh so yeah it was funny now we didn't I uh first of all shut up Sam I like Sam's confidence on my show. Shut your face and stop flipping it over there. It was a nice flipping.

It bugged me how nice it was. It's like slow motion. I did like it. I was just a little slow to react, Joe. I don't know. It was a thought process. What happened to me? I'm fucking 46. I got a three year old. No to pop what happened to me. I'm fucking 46

I got a three-year-old my wife sent me down the vote today to the fucking place What I shouldn't two hours in line? Yeah, the podcast gets successfully getting lazy now. I'm a little lazy See I remember when you were hungry for this shit You were fucking hungry. Look at me still hungry Now we know why you're on roast paddle. I enjoyed that. Oh, you give him a fucking alcohol. Now he's getting funny.

How it works. That's how it works for half this class. I'll be down hill soon. Do you, yeah. Now there you go. Um, we're gonna move on real quick. We're gonna talk, this amazes me. Number one, Lauren, that you're so open with it.

Yeah. About this, and can I be honest too? Sorry. You say it's your first time getting it in the butt. Yeah. But I see in this guy, he's got a big piece, correct? Correct. He's got a big, he's got a big, okay.

Let me tell you something. You don't take it in the ass the first time with one of those. I love the tip. She just was the tip. It was just the tip. So he put the tip just the tip in your butthole. Yeah. And you begin to have just the tip.

It's now available. Yeah. So you're trying to pull like there? It was in my first album. I remember Steve Burns sent me a photo of three, four of them. He bought them at a salvage. That was you. My first time I remember Steve Burns sent me a photo of three it for four of them. He bought them at a salvage. That was me. Oh, that was you. That was me. I found five of them in a second. Barney's been in a salvation army. Did you throw the mild down? You threw the

modest. I didn't buy them. I just kept I just I just took the pictures I put pictures of all of them there. I made it like a display. I can't believe you gave that to Steve Burns. Sorry. Now, I think Steve Burns CDs were under yours. Steve. In the mid. In the mid.

That's what I remember. Technology on that CD was a desk icon, like a Bob Kelly Ige's throw. Or like a background. Like you got a different Bob Kelly backgrounds. That throw away just or like a background like you got different Bob Kelly backgrounds that was like the latest in technology. You did the fucking magic eye bullshit, not bullshit but you know what I mean? The thing where it's like a lot of little images that make a big image. Yeah, I did that.

I have no idea. Collage maybe? No, but the images make a picture of space. Like the Truman show, like that. Yes, I did that. And that's when that was in style. But I did have a, it's called the desktop pet. It was, I had a thing called the scaring, the Pistopants monster, remember that joke?

I remember that joke. Okay, on that, and I had the guy, this how I had at the times I was I had to make a desktop pet It was a little monster that sat would come out on your PC Mm-hmm, and he'd walk out and then And he'd sit there and then he would piss his pants and then go Mm-hmm, and then walk off you think it's just when you're on your computer This little pet would come out and just make you giggle.

Cause you had a joke. Yeah, I had a joke about it. I was just trying to piss the pants monster. Sorry, I don't mean to do your bit. Not, please do it. That's my day. Yeah, the punch line was, what do you, the piss the pants monster?

Yeah. And then, so then, he had an eye contact. He already told you the whole fucking thing. I get it now, I get it now. It's taking another sip, Joe. No. No. You can't drink this by the way.

I get all excited when you're like, we got coffee. And it's like, no, you don't. You got these goofy. We have coffee, coffee. We'll get you coffee, whatever you want. You said, give Joe a coffee. And I'm not for nothing. She's so lazy.

She just opened one of these shitty, cold, credit, Joe's drink. Well, he does a giant coffee and I'm not for nothing. She's so lazy. She just opened one of these shitty cold credit of Joe's drink. That's not coffee. Look at this shit. Look at this shit. We have a live in the espresso machine right behind him. Look at this shit. I got a five button espresso machine right behind you, Joe.

We were all excited about those. These are the sugar in them. I don't like the sugar. Taking that cream and a shoe. I had to put that in your asshole. I don't like the sugar. Take it. I got cream in them too. I had some nice. Why don't you put that in your asshole? I went to a snack, a black coffee. Shit, I know you're having trouble walking.

I don't get up. You have trouble sitting. Yeah. That's a good point. So you got it in the butt last night. Right. Now what? Yeah, go ahead, baby.

I was gonna ask a question. Please, go ahead. This might be like TMI so you don't have to answer it. Okay. Did you have like regular sex before but then? No. So the first time. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Oh okay. So you're doing it in the bum bum. Right. I mean in the push push. In the push push. You're doing it in your push push. And then he does it slip in or does he spit on it and take it out and ask you or does he just?

There was some spit involved. So you guys were ready to go. Yeah, ready to go. Yeah ready to go I don't know do you like it? I don't know if I like Find that it's very enjoyable for you either part. Yeah, not fun. Yeah, a man has a g spot It's not but a woman doesn't yeah, so a woman's not feeling any real pleasure from but sex and a man It feels it feels hard and raw The only part of a reward thing too yeah yeah yeah I just think about I've danced with the devil

and that guy guys ever had a white yeah pretty and pretty enjoyable because if you're a guy you've got a g-spot there women don't so that's the thing too it's like the only cool part about it is it's like you get off on how dirty it is I guess yeah you're just the kind of like like have you had it? I don't know So you've had that's why her voice is like that Voice sustained when she screamed their voice is stayed when she screamed The disorder is like just throws a vocal cord that goes like the only way we can fix your ass all this by we have to take tissue from your vocal cords

Fusion into your asshole But if you're the kind of person I do All right Now there is a risk your voice might be all there. Hey, what are the cheers? I actually, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna actually counter you too and say that I've had, I don't like just but sex, but I've, I've had a girl riding, you know, riding me. And I've, when a girl, I've done it a few times

for a little bit and it felt great how dirty it was And I had a girl go this I don't think is anything hotter is when a girl goes oh fuck my ass It's hotish it not to say shit, but it's really smoking hot. Can I meet you on that? Yeah, go ahead Here's what's hotter. Yeah. Where do you this happen to me? Yeah. Only once, but it happened to me.

When the girl, I said it to you. The guy said it to me. No, when I got this aided the guy, I was having fun. Just sex with a girl. And she was laying flat. And in the middle of moaning and grunting, she turned around. She just went, I've never done this before.

Wow, that's great. And I was like, yeah, and then you went back and there, and you went, liar. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the only time I got said, make your voice deeper. Yeah.

Well, because I, I like it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Buddy, you're not, you're fine. Everybody's serious, I think I'm, I'm fine. But you're taking a lot of swings. You're going to a lot of, you're not, you're fine. Everybody's serious, I think I'm fine. You're taking a lot of swings, you're getting a lot of your bed four, fifth. Listen, listen, I think it's fine. Everybody's doing fine.

Listen, here's my thing. The worst, the only time butt sack was bad, a sex was bad for me. I met this when I was in my prime, trouble 25, 26, in there, in Boston, Al in the monkeys, doing all that shit, just doing comedy shows, banging. And I met this, she had to be like 35. Oh yeah.

And you were 25. 25. She's seeing some stuff. We went back to my apartment where I live with six retarded gentlemen. Literally retarded gentlemen. I lived, when I first started comedy, I lived in a house with six six retarded gentlemen. Literally retarded gentlemen. I lived, when I first started comedy, I lived in a house with six mentally retarded,

elderly men. I like that. I like that. You're way to make it more politically correct as the state gentleman. No, they were, well back then you could say, they were top hats.

They were mongolos and top hats and canes. You could say mentally, you can't say it was retarded, then when I worked there, changed to mentally retarded. Okay. I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I had a room. I had this big room. They gave me rent free Hundred bucks a week and food. So I was going to college new in comedy. I had to be there five nights a week from 11 to eight in the morning What? Rums rent free hundred bucks a week You go, well that sounds great. She goes out there is one catch catch. How are you charge get to jerk off the way you bring home.

I actually the funnest I mean there was one of the best times of my life because it was such they were like they became my pals. I used to put one of them on my motorcycle and put the helmet on his head like the top of it because it wouldn't go on as all that. And it's like it's down a hill. No we drive around. I drive a Barry me and Barry would hang out like a push down a hill. No, no, we drive around. We drive our Barry. We in Barry would hang out like a Fairly Brothers film now we used to drive around like I remember I can feel his tongue because you know a long tongue on my neck

Bob I may be saying Bobby I like the monotheque of Bob I did lick your neck. Well, you said a long tongue and it would come out He you know Down syndrome with Down syndrome one of the things is a long tongue. Up syndrome, Bob. Up syndrome. Well, now, I know now and today's up syndrome. So, sorry, that's really sweet.

I brought, thank you. Thank you, Connecticut. So I brought her back, and my move was back then with girls. I get them back to my room, and I would just take my clothes off. What move is that? So quick. And they go, what are you doing? I'd be like, hey, it's my body. It's my room.

If you don't like it, you can take off if you want. You can fight your way through the sea of retarks to get out of here. I would have brought my roommates in the circle to bed. You try to get out. Take the walking dead. Jesus Christ, you're fucking naked. Your point of the fence going in, up in there. Oh my God. So I will have a straight to 10 men. Good luck getting out of it.

So I remember, you know, it would work. Most of the time that would work for some, you know, just, you know, if you got 20, whatever the fuck age, it was smoking hot. And, you know, I never banged bras that were above me. I was banged bras that were kind of me or a little, a a little below you know what I mean? Sure And I had it you were taking you were taking swings right she So she takes your clothes off of course we she she comes over She's like what are you doing and I start kissing her. I'm naked my dicks out She's we're making out you stand my dicks out. She grabs you dick and you're done. We're fucking I'm fucking her for a good 10 minutes I mean, I'm just pumping away. Oh, pussy's so wet. I'm like, what are you fucking? She goes, oh God.

I should have known, this is why I don't trust girls with nylons on. Like, I just don't like nylons in the summer. This is your fucking, you are hiding something. You got it. I got it. Well, you're hiding something. I remember I was drinking coffee.

Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm so, I'm fucking her for like 10 minutes. I'm like, yeah, hiding something. I remember I was drinking coffee. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I'm so I'm fucking if like 10 minutes I'm like, oh, it's great. All of a sudden she goes, oh God. Oh, I love you dick in my ass. I went I'm in your ass like I hurt that F I was like like it was so it was like a pussy like I just went in her butt You weren't a condom now? No. This is before AIDS. Right when AIDS came out. I had a doctor tell me when I went for an AIDS test. He goes, do you fuck guys?

I go, no. The guys fuck you. I go, no. You shoot up heroin, you use needles. No, you fine, leave. That's what he said to me. I just think guys like any situation that like would make their dick seem big.

Like, oh, your dick is too big to fit in my little butt like guys just want them to feel like this but you could have fit three dix in this ass. I hooked up with a girl one time on the road and I was fingering her we're hooking up in my room and I was fingering her and I go man it puts you so tight she goes that's my asshole. Then you had to fucking wash your knuckles. That was a very squeaky clean asshole. You know what? The first six inches is not dirty. No. It's the after that is when you get into that intestinal track.

It's like the carried away that... Guy, be really into my butthole. Really? Why? I don't know. I think maybe I just have like a really nice butthole. It's a maze. She's got a my little ponytail Yeah, it's rainbow, but no I have more than one guy I'm not huge on the ass hole. I'm so satisfied with the pussy still

Yeah, that too, but I mean I think I wanted like I've been really into my ass. I really eat an ass. I love eat ass Girl it's my ass. We're always my ass. I'm like you filthy mother fucker I love you. I have a little bit about it now. I talk about it in my act about how I love so because remember that what happened to me the last time I got my ass eaten because I don't do it anymore because my ass holes like fucking just a shut down fucking Like fucking Sir, Clevver. Yeah, it's just the linear swing sets I'm a band-in like a man in the park.

Folks, Michael Moore did a documentary about Bobby's assholes. It's all over. Yeah, it really is. It's just a security guard driving around just a fact. I got a security guard. Roger. Did you? Did you still do that joke where you say, if you go, if you don't get on all fours, well,

a woman eats your ass hole and you you say eat my pussy, baby your gay The joke I do now True story no, no, that's the true story the last girl to eat my asshole last girl Was when I got way to into it when I first started getting my ass like was when I got way too into it. When I first started getting my ass lit, it was I being capped in Morgan stance, I'd be in a kind of manly stance. What do you mean you got too into it?

Well, I got too into it because I would actually get to the point where I was on my back holding my legs over my head. And I actually said this is a true story. I said, I went, ah, eat my pussy. And I remember the silence. I remember I felt the ass hitting stock.

And then the silence and the fucking pause when her head came up. And she's looking at me. She goes, did you just say, eat my pussy? And I was like, and then I had a format like, I was like, eat my pussy. I'm like, you know had a format like I was like eat my like eat my pussy like you know like a question well cuz I was like I fucked up like I knew I fuck I thought she might she might be like oh you want me to put you fucking little queer yeah she was she was like did

you just like I stepped up I I never saw that girl again never saw her again I thought it's not a good story to tell the grandkids. Here's the thing though, the fact is that there's a woman out there in her 40s right now who has a family and like she's seen me on TV and goes, you know, she's just like, do you wanna know? Let me tell you something about this fucking queen.

What? No, no, he said. And then like what? They see me on Louis and be like, oh, I like him, yeah, him. Yeah, he said eat my pussy That marriage crumbles Well, it looks at her the same it's it's it's sorry, and I feel like I step on your story by telling your other joke not at all That's so funny though, dude, and I love that you said that and fuck her for suddenly having standard

She's already got, she's already tongue-beating. You gotta be know but mind it, I'd be angry with you with that. I think I'd probably laugh but like who cares? You're having fun, you're already there, she already in your ass. Yeah, look your ass, but don't say anything weird about it. Exactly, exactly. I can clearly agree with you.

That'd be a huge issue to say to me. You need my pussy. Yeah, I don't think I should have said it. It's pretty weird. He my pussy is shocking. It's weird, it's me. You should have said my pussy. Yeah, all right. I don't think I should have said. It's pretty weird. Eat my pussy is shocking. It's weird. It's funny. Because I look, because I come off as me.

Hey, come on, let's go. They're making out. And now I was sitting like, now I'm this alpha male with her. And I was sitting, I'm holding my asshole, literally spreading my condo. And I go, I go, oh, you eat my pussy.

She was like, all right, That's a lot. I'm out You know what I say I go I go do you like my chocolate factory Charlie? Cuz he's with Asian women. That's what I do. I could keep him my wonka bar. I'll give you golden tickets I think it's worse than I don't say that I'm joking. Yeah, what do you think we're on CNN right now? Jesus, I don't say that Freak Let me ask you Lauren. Yeah

Your asshole today. Is it hurting it's hurting? I'm pooping all day. Oh She just ruined it with that jury Yeah, I'm like pooping all day Yeah, do you have any Bruce Springsteen we can play It's just we're large. I'm sorry you're ruined. How long did it go on for a long time? An hour an hour no no no no, you know, I had to like get myself really drunk Yeah, okay, what Sam's? What do you mean you had to get drunk? I had gotta get like some type of buzz going in order to do it

So you knew you were gonna do it. Yeah, so you wanted you know, no, we talked about doing it How do you do that? That's so fucking I'm sexy Two Jersey people going so what do you think about your aunt? Oh, maybe put it in my ass tonight We do maybe a little bit just a helmet? I'll put the helmet in. We'll see who we're at. All right, you want me to spit on it or no spit? No, I think he should spit. Yeah, and he's going, he's going to call me the situation,

based. Yeah. All right, now I read about this somewhere on the internet. Have a color or a name. And if you scream, then I'll stop. What? What do you mean? If you yell snorkey.

But like a conversation is better than like so Men can't really be men anymore because because you have to kind of have that you always have to be like hey Can I do this? It takes the romance Okay me and you are doing it ready. Let's have the conversation. You're I'm what's up baby? What happened? Really they just probably pulled it out We both playing yeah, what's up?

I just make you do it. Do you want to do with how about do it with connect? No, I can just do with him you put in my ass, but you got to take with how to do it with Kinez? Come on, do with JP. No, I could. Just do it with him. You can put it in my ass, but you've got to take me down the shore after. I'm worried. You do it. You look a boyfriend and girlfriend.

All right. You're going to fucking the ass in it, but you have the conversation about it, okay? Well, it would be him who has to initiate the conversation. Yeah, I know. Go ahead. It's all you, JP. Go to JP. Oh, I know. Go ahead. It's all you, j-pitch. Go ahead, J-pitch.

Oh, God. Hey, hey. How you doing? Good. This is good for you so far. So far, it's great. You like normal style? Normal sex is good.

Yeah, normal sex is great. What do you think about, like, option B? What do you think about like option B? What do you mean? What's option B? I come in you, you have a baby, and then I give you option B plan. What it dies. You really saw that after school special style. Go ahead, go ahead.

I was just going to answer. I was just going to answer. I'm sorry, Durantrap. Go ahead. You're doing great, JP. What do you think about like? I don't know maybe an ancient form of contraception if you know what I mean What do I don't know if I know what you I don't know if I know what you mean. I could like maybe uh Bring it around back bring it around back Maybe not at the seller maybe at the village underground you know what I'm saying

Like in your funny Shut up. I'm not trying to be funny trying to fuck you in the ass Well, let's segue out to this I'd like to know did you vote today? Yes, you did did you vote today JP did you vote a nice white kinetic boy like you didn't vote nobody needs me voting really? I don't know my pants are shame. I was a little pitch. What about you, Sammy? Of course you did Deep who did I did Lauren of course you did you did not Trump just took Indiana by the way, which is a big deal. Yeah, I think I think that no, it's a pen. It's pencil stay He was gonna take that you know he's gonna take in a afraid a afraid of what I'm afraid

I think I think Hillary had like a 2% chance of winning Indiana That's not What are you talking about I'm afraid have the country the 98% Trump supporters are gonna fucking kind of settled into it Yeah, I'll tell you what I'm worried about I'm worried about Hillary supporters really if fucking Trump wins. Yes If Trump wins, if you win, he's going to every chance. Joe, did you need vote today, right? You know, he has to win more than every swing state. He has to win. He has to win. Blue State. He has to win a blue state on top of that. He's not going to win. It's I like that confidence. He's not going to win. I don't think he's going to win either. I went into vote today if I got fucked

Really I got I really it made me so angry Yeah, why because I fucking waited two hours. I was ready to pull the trigger And they fucking told me to beat it You know that in it stinks the voting process sucks Because for me hours you should fucking log in on your phone. You should do a check on you. And then you should. So, you know, I try to support that's why Trump's not going to win is because so many supporters are racist and because it takes voting to register as a pain in the ass. That's like a 20 minute

process, even longer longer and racist are lazy, which means they're not going to do that. And then you have to show up on top of that that he's not going to win. It's a completely outmoded system. That's why right you're right. Racists I like with you. I mean, look at their outfits. It's just a white sheet. They didn't even fucking, they could have embroidered it.

They could have done other things to it. It could have been, you know, about my even about. There's not even a belt. And they didn't even get a hat. They just got a hood with a grand wizard as a hat. Yeah, they got one hat, one hat. Fucking lazy. That's it. Like black and red, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one on a fucking everybody else is just dude. Just get a sheet, come on down. It's a completely confusing outmoded system, which is why I don't trust it and why I don't believe in it. And now you don't do it. I don't, you know. Sorry.

I tell you why. Bring a shirtable home. No, you didn't. Goodbye. Can I say something? Yeah. Sorry, I tell you why bring a show to the whole No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Good bye. Can I say something? Yeah, it's, you know, you watch these, all these people that you admire on television, right?

And then you're like, oh shit, maybe I should go vote. I don't wanna be, they're telling me I'm a piece of shit if I don't do it. Every vote counts, you have to go vote. But what I think you're saying to you is this, I think it's kind of a mind fuck. It's you have to go vote, but what I think they're saying to you is this. I think it's kind of a mind-fuck. It's you have to go vote, but I'm voting for Hillary. So it's almost like when you get there, you're like, I had to do this because I don't want to be a piece of shit to fucking, you know, Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, whenever I don't want Ryan Reynolds.

I did like Deadpool. Yeah, I don't want, I love Deadpool. Like Ryan, you've made some shitty choices over the last few years too. Let's make a video. I don't want Louis CK to hate me. That's it. I'm gonna fucking ask all of it. I don't vote.

I'm a piece of shit. And he might say, hey did you vote? And I'm gonna go now and he'll go fuck you. And never, I never talk to me. And then you go on your vote. And you're in there, you're like, oh, who should I vote? Oh, it's almost like a religion with me. I don't like it when people treat Hillary

like she's not a fuck up. Right. Well, I think they do. I think she's been the most happy with criticized figure for like the last 20 years. Now, to regular people, to Hillary supporters, fuck all that. It's all unfounded bullshit.

Yeah. It's unfair. She's a victim. She's been attacked. Uh-huh. And she has that. That's why it's like a religion. I think it's like a few attacks. The definition of a Hillary supporter, though. The Hillary's the part. She hasn't been criticized anymore than anybody else has. I mean, look, that's absolutely not.

It's 110% true. I am I I prefer Hillary to Trump. I'm not a huge fan of either, but I but if these people are going to sit back and act like fucking Sarah Palin didn't get a crucifixion Ten times the level of Hillary. She did but she hasn't been around as long as Hillary She hasn't been in the public eye for 20 years Sarah Palin we got it for too many years, but is that any of that deserves? Is any of deserve some of it? deserve the course, but yeah, but I'll cut that in half Okay, but then how much of it is like oh her husband got her dick sucked how many of those like was like what she's she bringing to the table? You know, how many of those? That's because she's been participating for much longer. Yeah, she's been getting about real stuff. Of course,

that doesn't mean she's not getting that. She's not getting it. Not like her. Oh, come on. Not at all. But she's actually had a career in politics to criticize. Like Trump gets criticized because he's a fucking rapist. He's been working in the State Department in the Senate for the for 30 years. Did he? Oh, you can't say proud. You see, probably a lot of people can't afford. You don't say fucking probably a rapist.

I want him to be. Enough people have come forward that it's, that it doesn't look true. It's true, but it doesn't look good. It's not true. Look at, fucking people come and just slow-price. Wait a minute, though. Are there people coming out against Clinton being one two But is there I mean so both of them are shitty to women. Okay, but okay fine

Exactly yeah, so how how are you how are you? How are you a powerful woman and four women's rights if you fucking bed down with one of those guys? woman's rights if you fucking bed down with one of those guys. How do you say Trump's a piece of shit? You women cannot but your guy that you fucking bed down with is one of those guys too. I mean supposedly one of those guys. How does that make sense? Explain that to me. I'm fucking stupid. How does it make just a contradiction that we're in? The lesser that's what a lot of criticism the lesser of two evils at this point yeah but you shouldn't vote for the lesser of two evils you should find but because no i got me i agree with you and this is why i don't vote because what happens is is the people like the

really tried true hardcore democrats for example i'm not excusing the right by any means but just for an example, they really tried true hardcore Democrats And the right did this too with Trump initially They they were pissed about Bernie Sanders Bernie Sanders represented in theory everything they stood for ideally on paper They were pissed they were pissed at Bernie Sanders. Why? Because he didn't have a chance to win They they would readily admit that Hillary was to the right of Obama and they bitched about Obama for eight years for rolling over and being too conservative. Right. Yet this guy comes along that actually

starts saying all the things that they supposedly, supposedly believe in. Yeah. And they're going fuck this guy because he can't win. So at the end of the day, the people that vote play ball, it's always the lesser of two evils. Of course He's a little more allies than ever then sure and they were trying to win. They were trying to avoid it from president Sure, it's a it's a strategy game, but here's my point This is the not my point with this. This is what I want to say for anybody to act like It's bullshit for anybody act like this is sight unseen criticism that Hillary is experiencing Watch any documentary

or read any history and look at what fucking Nixon went through, look at what Kennedy went through, look at what Mondale went through, look at, drop it. Do cockess. Nixon, Nixon Kennedy election rigged. I mean, that was actual, actual, like, people, that was, they had to buy and muscle mafia votes for Kennedy. That guy didn't have a fucking shot and hell. This actual Tha Muffie votes for Kennedy that guy didn't have a fucking shot in hell this is nothing new and I'm just so tired of people acting like well Are this version of it is the word it's not the worst. It's the same Heli and Bill basically house a card so like do not the ideal choice but the she's the only choice I mean if you I never were but by you by you saying she's the only choice. I mean, if you vote for... I never were.

But by you saying she's the only choice. Oh, these two, I'm saying. But there's, isn't there two other guys that you could vote for? They'll never win, dude. Did you look at the VAR to... It's a waste of a vAR to it. It's like, there are a lot of... I know, but if you took away the vote, what they're afraid of,

if you take away those votes that Trump might win. So, you have to go vote for Hillary, even though you might not like her, or agree with everything she's done, you have to go vote for her, because if not, Trump might, those votes are taken away from Hillary. Where's white?

When you say celebrities when they're saying vote, they're saying vote for Hillary. You're 100% all over. You're 100% white. Which one is it? John Voight, this fucking watch. And what's his name? What's his name? Huh? It's Scott Bayo. No, Scott Bayo, John Voight? This fucking watch and and and and what's his name? Huh?

No, Scott Bayo John John Voight and The big three no and there's one more what's his name? No the fucking yeah, I know you're talking about I forget his name My god, he's such a big But here's how you know your vote doesn't count read up on the electoral college This is not how it works At the end of the day if votes counted and votes meant something This is how voting would work the candidate that gets the most votes wins Correct that is not how it works

And when you try to read the electoral college and understand how it works. It is so unbelievably fucking confusing. And when people criticize the complications, or the complicated nature of that process, the immediate response is, we know it's complicated, but that's to protect you. Well, where have I heard that before? From every fucking salesman that has ever fucked me out of my money.

Hey, dude, I wish it was just that easy, bro. This is actually for your protection though. Yeah, Joe is a lot of people. This is equipment. Yeah, exactly. It's bullshit. And then people sit there and say, don't vote for third party candidates because they can't win.

Well, if everybody voted for them, why the fuck? That's an idealistic and cynical at the same time. First of all I miss I miss your rant that I miss those fingers I miss it love those Fingers I think I think the Joe Hicks is making some good points right now, but True though. It's true if that's my question. Why can't a third party win if everybody votes for third part? It's not gonna happen because they are Because it's bullshit, but if the most people voted for him, why wouldn't he win? Because because it's a broken fucking

Now because because Hillary had the allies and I think she was the only Pack of candidate power power power power What is Trump what is Trump? Trump is not power He is he's not power. How is he not power? I tell you I was not power because he actually struck a chord with these middle American people by just saying these these we have to he just he he you think you know how it's turned I said this before on the show how it's turned since something very interesting. He ran for, I believe, mayor of New York City. I remember that. And all of a sudden, he goes, I started to win.

He goes, and I was like, oh my God, I'm, I might win this, I'm out. I gotta, he goes, I'm out. Yeah, I was fucking around. All of a sudden, they're gonna start looking into me. I'm gonna have to start, you know. And I think Trump, I don't think he knew it was gonna go this far.

That's not what it is. And I think that the more he talked and the more people listened and all of a sudden he found himself in this thing, well holy shit, I came onto this formula. If I say this about the wall, if I say this about America, I'm making all of a sudden this group of people, this massive There are Republicans like fuck. Yes Let's do it. What Trump understands that people vote based on how they feel like you know How do you feel you can find facts somewhere on the internet support whatever argument you want to make right? So if you feel like you know

I'm a marginalized white person or something you're not finally speaking to me You're a good person. There's a good art of presenting an illusion to these people and showing them what they think they want. I know. It's so bad. If Trump could have just kept his shit together and he had any form of just a humbleness, if he was humble, but there's no humility in running when you have no political experience. There's no humility in running for the highest office when you're building it.

You understand that they could have made him a, they could have no political experience. There's no email in the room. Yeah, but the highest office when you're doing it. You understand that they could have made him, they could have made him Hillary. If he would listen to them. But, literally this has been Hillary's, this is like, dude, this is like a fucking MC running against, no, wait a second, this is like an MC running against you. There's like an MC who's like, I've done comedy for a one year

and I'm running against Bobby Kelly's, we had a line in just Edward. Yes, I say Scopo. Scopo running against Bobby. No, but, so let me just finish one sec. Yeah, please finish The one thing is your booze I have been I'm fucking drunk. I get it. I'm on empty stomach. It's gonna be trouble First I just want to say I like Joe's fingers better, but go ahead Terrible fingers

I'm nervous. I'm nervous person What you're right about is that that Trump it was he was great for a while because what he did was he did make your house how uh... you know uh... rehearsed politicians are in health care they are so that's which wrote a great article about this breaking down why this is so important it's important for a month or two until we realize how fucking thinking about good for when he becomes the actual bomb a set in a speech yesterday he goes

listen they took, they took They took away his Twitter How can you give him the codes If he can't be trusted with his own Twitter down. I wish Obama could just stay in office I wish he could just I would if I could sign a piece of paper and she'd be like dude For just as long as he wants. Eight-year-old bomb is the shit. He doesn't care what I mean. I love Obama, funny. He always said before we can talk about Howard Stern.

It's like when Howard Stern told all his viewers to vote for San Jaya on American Idol. Right. Can you remember that? That real shitty singer, San Jaya. He worked at a bar, he used to go to all the time. And then San Jaya went forward in the competition. It is, it is. Oh, it's likeaya went forward in the competition. He won. It is. It is.

Oh, it's like he didn't when he got kicked out. It is. I'm talking about dad fan. I'm sorry. There's a lot of these shitty people that have one thing's dad fan. I opened for dad fan was like 19. No way at my college and I'm a boy shook his I had pink eye and I shook his hand.

And he was like, what the fuck? And he just he like runny around germaphobe. It is it is. It is no coincidence that the majority of people telling you who to vote for and all that bullshit are people in the entertainment industry. These are megalomaniacs that have these delusions of grandeur that think their opinion matters. They have nothing better to do but sit around

and they think, what the fuck are we? Yeah, we're all partners I'm not I'm not excluding I'm saying but my point is is like I would never have the audacity to tell somebody who to vote for number one and number two it's bullshit it's but where are the regular people going here's why your vote matters I don't see them I don't see them it's the cast of the Avengers telling the people don't have the audience to do this it's bullshit they're're regular people on YouTube doing this. They just we don't see it But you want to be president. You want to be president? You want to be president?

No, I don't know it tells me not you This is the other thing that kills me. You want to be president? You're gonna be Jeff Dunham Yeah, Jeff Dunham becomes president The anybody that thinks the president is doing real work. I think and his islamic puppet is gonna be the running mate I'm serious though anybody that thinks the president is anything real work and his islamic puppet is going to be the running made i'm serious though anybody that thinks the president is anything more than the hackiest broadest jokes and and that's exactly the point we're in agreement we're in agreement with you can't be great to 20 percent of people you have to be

good to 60 percent yeah it's so stupid to be like this guy makes decisions no they fucking don't so if trump wins, which he's not, if Trump wins tonight, and Donald Trump is our president tomorrow, it's what we deserve. That's what this stupid fucking country deserves. I miss this, I miss this. You're so angry. We deserve it.

How did you fit in an LA with this anger? Yeah, the fuck, the hell of a time alone. Yeah, you, how the fuck are you out in LA? This is gonna bother this shit up fucking country these ego maniacs we deserve Trump and we deserve his wife That sounds like an uber driver. You're shaking your head. He's no, I think we deserve it. I like Milan really He's right. Yeah, did you vote for Trump? No, I didn't but it would be interesting to see all the changes that he would put in place We were saying what you were on about say we love about Milan.ania, but- I'd rather have Hillary because Hillary is better for us because she's bullshit.

That's what we need this country is bullshit. We don't need Trump. People think they want Trump and it's like, well, just sit, I said this on Opie early, I go, you think you like a guy that shoots from the hip? We literally tell somebody we need to trade with to go fuck themselves. And it's a fucks with our economy themselves and it's a lot of what about tomorrow

that's what i'm saying what about food and actually saying if he'll be wins uh... there's gonna be a what there's gonna be war how about how the cold war with a pretty long not war you know you know i'm saying i think we're in a little different times in that i don't think so not with russia i don't think they're gonna be as big a there's bigger problems in russia like what North Korea? Those fucking guys I always forget about those guys

I think I'm somebody reminds me about them. I people I just I'm just so scared about that motherfucker that crazy motherfucker with a his hair And More frightening the North Korea. We've been fighting a proxy. Yeah, I feel like North Korea I feel like North Korea if they were gonna do shit. They would have done it. They know martial arts over there They're literally yeah, I don't know I don't want to fight somebody who knows kung fu Okay, I don't want I don't have to fucking Know some type of martial arts and they're just launching missiles into the fucking the

the see the jack and I should miss us and everyone eats like a handful of rice a day. We could take them. They're not invited. They're not nourished people.

Yeah. They're almost too nourished. No, too nourished. Just fucking taking that you can eat buffet versus nothing Well, all right, so you you you voted for Hillary of course

If I Was going in today if I if I wasn't what was I Damn it dumb it thanks for the vote Who what what was I called again? What was it? What why couldn't I vote you're inactive inactive? What is your gym stats inactive? Say it says the same it says it says the same thing on my New York sports club Why did why did I get a better laugh on your joke? So here's a deal you ready? You know I voted I was gonna vote for who I was gonna vote for and that's why I deserve this sticker who I was gonna vote for. And that's why I deserve the sticker. Who?

I was gonna vote for Hillary. No, I called her. I would have voted for Hillary. Yeah, I was gonna vote for Hillary because I just, Trump has lost his fucking mind. And I swed her God, it hit me yesterday when Obama said he can't, they took away his Twitter. I was like, I don't want the president, I don't want the president to have somebody go. I mean, that's like an HBO show. That's like we have to take away his Twitter. You know what I mean? And then, you know,

Hillary had to say it comes up with the plan. I would have Hillary never used her Twitter. That's the genius. Don't use it. Stay away from social media. Yeah, I have a bit in my hour and my acts gonna be my hour special coming out next. What's it called? My a special is called you let me down. There's a name of a special. It'll be out 20 set early 2017. What's the theme? His appearance on this part. It's a lot of this. It's a lot of the sex Did your adopted parents write it? That was pretty good one. No, but I would say that at home. No, they would say that. Oh, that's right.

That was your home. That was good. God damn it. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't even care anymore. No, no, no, no. It's in your act.

I was just saying like, I have a thing in my act about like, you know, Twitter, it's like we have too much access to winning an hour ago. I shouldn't be allowed to tweet at the president. No, it's absurd It's ridiculous. I'm a fucking moron No, and it's like I could write dumb shit to the president right now It's like nobody has any appreciation for the fucking effort you would have had to go through to talk to a president in 1910 buddy you should be able to be a bad as beckle, but you shouldn't be able to tweet totime best pickle but you shouldn't be able to tweet to Chris rock yeah you shouldn't be able to get to Chris rock yeah you shouldn't be able to get

it's a time-hanks you seriously you couldn't you shouldn't be able to go i'd i saw you at the and you stunk should never get to Chris rocks uh... visibility at all this uh... i bet he's not reading but here's it no here's the thing is, is that we're so insecure on the highest level, it exposes even the president, even Chris, that we do look at these things and we do react and we are human. I don't wanna know, I had the joke I'm acting about Elvis.

About Elvis, if he was around with Twitter, he would have just killed himself. He would have shot. If he read, hey, FATSO, you're fat, what happened? Hashtag, fucking peanut bell, but in jelly sandwiches, fatty. It's all day long.

He would have literally the first Vegas show. Ch- hard I love the sandwiches You would have been checking the tweets on the toilet and died He would have been dead They would have ruined Richard prior James Brown would have went to somebody's door with a shotgun My mother's mother's mother has tagged fuck you And kill people That was racist, Bobby

Why was that racist? Just a voice. That's his voice. Those are voice I did. You're a voice. You know, what fuck Joe? Everything. What are we gonna do? It's the way it is. No, now you gotta embrace it or be outside looking in, you know, I'm living in this is where this is gonna be good. He's he's gone. It's gonna be we're in good shape tomorrow. I wonder what's gonna but I but here's the thing I wonder it did it really look. I consider both sides.

If you don't see something on either side, if you just see one side, you're fucking nuts. It's a me. You're a fucking nutcase. I agree, guys. If you can't look at Hillary's side and look at Trump and be like, okay, she's got weaknesses. She's also the most, probably got the best resume in American history. Look at a resume and tell me that it's not fucking unbelievable. Yeah, she's got a

She is why Everything lawyers Secretariat stay going fucking first lady Was Burst joke about first lady was one of the best judge I've read fucking Joe don't want about how like you like shut up Michelle Like we we like to do husband you have a you have a plummet Oh, the wife if the wife came in you'd be like shut the fuck I saw bird I saw bird in LA On stage on no at a long ago. Oh, no, which is as all is it get say do a bit where he goes? I have first lady's bugging me. What's their fucking name?

Just a collective And he did a bit about crashing a helicopter by accident and he goes I know you're intense because that's how John Denver died Awkward awkward and I believe he went into Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I literally we did an hour and almost an hour and a half. Are you through? I'm not even kidding. This flew by. We're flew by. We're going to read this real quick. We got around a half hour, 15 minutes left. We do half hour, now.

Now, 15 minutes. 15 minutes. I got a 15 minutes. Yeah, 15 minutes. We're going to wrap this up real quick. Read the sad. We got the beautiful Christie. Thanks, Bob. Okay, I'm going gonna do it like it's an audition.

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they should also do what you should draft Robert Kelly of the Washington Red skins yeah on their team so funny I got so many tweets about that yeah yeah where they say that what what you're the opposite of that Robert Kelly in every possible yeah I know that was basically the streets Here's a here's a thing with Twitter and all this shit. Um, I really am done with the it's like look I get we as comics we created this fucking terrible this no, we didn't We did jobs I'll tell you we did jobs how do we do it how do we do it how do we get a

abusive wife mentality I didn't do it I I I I I I understand that we use wife meant to we went on we went on the air and we treated each other and we do it on this show I have a bomb bandana we literally acknowledge when you stink and fuck you and we try to be me but I think that's honesty I think that's a good one that's what we do and that's what they try to emulate with us. Then we didn't create shit. What do you mean no? What do you mean no?

I think this is an environment that keeps you accountable. I didn't create shit. I don't think I disagree with that. I think that we... We didn't create shit. I grew up loving rap music, okay? Yes. We know.

I still love it. You're a good rapper. I was at one point a decent rapper. I mean, buddy, Sam. I know. I know I know he's good. I'm not I'm not fucking question. I know he's good. I see a question in front of the little in front of the Sella one night me personally went do it right now if you good Patrice Keith little kev Kevin Hart. I think burr. I mean every Norton and this clock sucker wrapped And we went oh shit. I've seen it. Yeah, D.S

Thank you Fury boiling up if I was gonna question him and I This is Joe's fury. I love it. I missed it. I missed it Dude Fury that was that was a softest attempt to a fight ever we just both the one The right Joe's a bit when Joe's 11 comes out you're in trouble. So yeah Sam's rap name is left eyebrow Hey folks Just eyebrow. Oh no

No, but listen the I like that he said Sam's never heard I'm like yeah, I've heard I brought I grew up I grew up I grew up a couple of times I still love rap music but I grew up this really really listening to it never in my fucking life as a fan would I have gone up to you know with all the battles that happened in rap and the distraction you know I I skew versus NWA was my favorite battle ever yeah that's all I know that's a period I never would have been like hey MC ran you easy fucks you in the ass You know what I mean because that's what I skews I would never have done that there is some weird shift that's happened We're there's so little separation that people it's not even like you would have had to say to his face

You don't have to do it anyway, but it's also that, but it's also too, yeah, it's that. And it's also too just like, it's like, look man, I'm not saying I command all this respect, it's just like, dude man, do you have any courtesy for the fact that people supply entertainment for you? You know what it is? Is there any party that goes, hey dude, thank you for all the entertainment, man. I think so.

So I'm not gonna say a shitty factual thing. But that's just because it's so subjective now, because you have outlets like YouTube, where you have these shitty people, they're providing an entertainment, it's subjective. I think what I know is, and when I tweet at JP underscore McDade, what I find is that,

we're going to be people, we didn't put the tweets on to people's names today, because they're running a little behind. But people, it's all recognition. People tweet because they want recognition. You want feedback, you want to read tweets on your social networks. So when people are like bustin' your balls, they're like, you know, fans and viewers

who think like they're endearing themselves to you by like calling you an asshole or saying that you bond a joke. Because that's what we do to each other. It's my point. As they see what we do to each other and they think if they do it to us, they're somehow, they're part of the crew.

But that was somebody, how is the average person? But it is a weird thing to be like, you fucking faggot and like, what? And they're like, what, I was trying to buddy up. There's a take you, that's what bothers me about it. When you call them out on it, they go, dude, you can't even take a joke. It's like, apparently you can't take a response

to your fucking doctor. What? It's like, fuck you. I just called you out on it. That's what I'm saying. It's like, I don't understand. I had an average person, isn't smart enough to understand. These are two dudes that know each other very well

and hang out together. And this is their vibe and their rapport. How about this one? How about this one? How about this one? Joe and I would talk, we would just talk about the early, beginning the podcast when Joe was like, when I first met Sam, I went up to Joe

and I was like, I'm a fan of your fucking work. I didn't go up to him be like, hey, fucking pussy. Yeah. Talk to me. And in turn, there was no part of me. It was like, this young fucking work. I didn't go up to him be like, hey fucking pussy. Yeah. Talk to me. And in turn, there was no part of me. It was like, this young fucking cut fucking guy. I was like, I hope he doesn't know that he was a conquer the better.

You know what I mean? And I did because he was confident. And I later learned that he hates himself. So, apparently what you said at the beginning, now you are a troll to Joe in life. Right. Wow. Wow. Wow in life. Right. Wow. Wow.

Right, thanks for the push. Yes, wow, that was a real, came full circle. I would just look at him. That was actually so bad. Both of you got angry at the same time. We got angry. That was writing over who got to throw. Yeah, that was his cheeks got red.

Yeah, yeah. That was like a Terrence Malath movie. That came full circle. I had somebody actually, oh, his cheeks got red. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like a Terrence Malath movie. That came full circle. I had somebody actually, oh, it's fucking annoying. Your Star Wars just on tour with me. And he goes, hey, I got a couple of friends in where we just did this mission and run. Fucking insane.

You know, I've been dying to do these rock venue tour. Yeah, it's the best. I love it. So we're doing it. We do the show. It's a second gig. Grand Rapids. It's great venue Really cool Star Wars goes out fucking kills it. I go out kill it. Oh fucking standing on the end whatever I'm having a great these friends

You know and I get it you know you do show someone's gonna like him more than me Sure, you know, I have my fans that might like me more than whatever this This, this fucking, I got, I got them four tickets too. I'm on a door deal, so that cost me, you know. But I give them all these tickets. They coming up, oh, it's not there. So, oh, all right, cool. They waited till the be the last, I just went through a whole line of like 30 people do it.

I love you, big fan. Thank you, awesome, love you, hugs, photo, great. Thanks great. Thanks for coming blah blah blah. The last group was his friends The lady in the group fucking lady She walks up. Oh Great. I take photos of just them. I go let me just take a photo you guys she can have and then she goes. Oh, yeah, you did good I go okay, okay, she got you right. I mean right you I mean how do you think you did good. I go, okay, okay, she's got you right? I mean, right? I mean, how do you think you did?

I go, excuse me, she goes, you did good, right? You think you did good? How do you think you did? And I go, I go, you fucking, you mean the standing out? I don't know, I think I did better than good. What do you want me to, what do you want? Apparently you, and then, but here's the thing, I told fucking, I stopped, was just right there. I go, get her. You her. He's feeling uncomfortable. No, he didn't he goes nah she's just drunk

She's she's a good person and that sets you up because there's no right answer if you go if you go Hey, fuck you I did good then it's like oh now you're getting angry if you go no, no, no, did I not do good? Wow now you're weak. Well if you you go, I got a standing o, it's like now you're bragging. There's no, no. He was actually saying she's drunk, she's drunk. We were busting her balls about it later. It's like, oh, now, instead of fucking talking

about how great the show was, you're sitting there busting her balls about fucking with me. That's what I want from the people that you brought to my fucking show, right? And then he goes, she's drunk, so Colin Quinn, he's so brilliant. He's on the phone from the people that you brought to my fucking show, right? Right. And then he goes, he goes, she's drunk. So Colin Quinn, he's so brilliant. He's on the phone with the next step.

That's not gonna carry it away. Well, I'll tell you why. He goes, he's on the phone. I tell him the story. And Stavras is like, you're so sensitive. Yeah, I'm sensitive to somebody fucking being an asshole to me who is friends. Colin said that, you're serious. No, Colin goes like this. He goes she was just drunk calling he goes really oh yeah

Cuz that's what drunk people do they they they really Really precise and accurately passive aggressive like He sound drunk people usually go oh fuck you you suck and Yeah, he know people drunk people aren't fucking that Right they don't they don't I can do. Right. Yeah, he nailed it. Drunk people aren't fucking that, they're not that venomous. Right. They don't, they don't fucking nail it like that. You can hear that. And how the fuck am I sensitive?

Right. To somebody a friend of mine's friend who I let in the show. Both people. Right. That fuck. That fucking, and his friends.

And importantly, you can hear Colin do that bit in his new off-brake off-Broadway one-man show about the history of green alcohol It was a long way to go, but it was Colons and you show about prohibition. He's doing in the East Village It was good Fuck you Sam. I said it was good. I was good. But, fuck you, Sam. I thought it was good. I was being serious. You're fucking asshole. I, but Collins, by the way, his new show about assholes

is fucking great. Yeah, wow, she should be in it. And fucking so, show shit and stuff. That was great. That was like a sitcom line. That was like killing. Well, it's like, here's the thing with that. It was good.

How's the thing with that? Instead of going, like, if that was me, and that happened like my on somebody I knew did that to you or anybody like hey shut the fuck up. Yeah, go treat my friend like that. I'd be angry too I'm not one fucking now just supporting of her So call me too sensitive. I'm why you being real like you got to drop this stavos Here it is ready. You're being sensitive someone leanerers available. You're so sensitive. I would take you Yeah, I'm sensitive to fucking assholes. I would take you on the road with you. What about Kristi?

I got a solid eight Kristi if you come on the road. I'd love to take you I really do to mouth the mouth Bob all's I be thinking about is kissing and kiss fucking you oh about is kissing and kiss fucking you. Oh, that's that one. What? Oh, I'm sad. It's a new age. Hillary's going to be a president. We're all upset.

Hillary, I know. Chrissy, I would love to take you with me, but I, you're two, you, I will, I would take you with me in the future. And absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Stop versus fucking up. Who this guy?

He's probably a, he's probably just a mean person on stage. I know, but he's a good good job. Right, like 90% of the time. Oh, look, look, here's a deal. It's, you know, we got two gigs left, but I was just, but I don't like that. It's like, just own it.

All you have to go is, you know, yeah, dude, she's an asshole. I'm so sorry. You know, dude, if a, if a, if a fucking, she's a nice person, she's not my whole family out for you But nice people don't do shit like that if a chick did that to me or chick. I don't mean to say check If a guy a Joey roses if a guy say broad dangerous show Gender's fluid guy or yeah, if anybody did that to somebody who's opening for after a show

My first reaction would be I don't know the stavos kid, you know, stavos. Stavros. Whatever. She was a nice kid. I don't know. He's a nice great kid. I love stavros too. I'm not saying he's a bad guy. I'm just saying, so he does that to the guy that takes me on the road. I pull that person inside and go, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. And I go to the guy. I'm Joey fucking roses. I go to your eye free style around here. You're not really sorry sorry bang right Yeah, dude, she's cool Yeah, no she's she's cool. She was just drunk. No, you're being too sensitive really is that what you say to me? No eat my pussy

Drunk all right listen Interrupting now you fucking asshole. I was funny. I was supposed to go back to bedside watching the election I apologize. No, no, no, I don't think I'm gonna make it back now Well, they're watching it downstairs and there's a big political show at the village underground that they're doing so we can all go over there Who's on it? I don't know who's on it? Shultz on it. Shultz. Good. Oh, yeah, cuz he's Everyone's favorite political course, my name is your show. So MTV T's guy code. Yeah, it's an opinion course monitor show some MTV T's guy code. He has an opinion That's what I was Election is like dick versus

Shows him shows something in a fury. I mean more than anything Doing the whole Ferguson thing he opened here. He sat down this tool and he goes let's talk about Ferguson He sat down the stool and he goes, let's talk about Ferguson. I'm like, I'm fucking shooting you. I hope you get shot. I'm gonna punch in your face. Take a hug. All right, let's go around the room real quick

and wrap this up. Tifa, what else we got? Anything else? No, we got the post show coming up and around that o'clock we're gonna do like a little election, a live stream coverage. Yeah. So we're running it with some friends up here.

Yeah, stay tuned if you're in the room live. We didn't get to any of the chat tonight. Anything worth talking about? The chat. The chat. Get back in here. Oh, something funny. If Chrissy Chelle has spoken a real voice, she'd actually sound like Barry White. No, I wouldn't. No, Chrissy. Apparently, apparently getting fucked in the ass also takes the funny out of you What was that What are the most that controls the show that's good. What else we got anything else That's you know

Joe's one of Joe's arms is bigger than the other one Joe who Joe DeRosa What is a road comma come on One of Joe's arms is bigger than the other one. Joe, who? Joe DeRosa? What do you mean he's a road comic? Come on. Oh, I want to figure it out. That was pretty funny. I listen, guys, get out there and vote. Christy, what do you got?

At Christy Chelo, follow me. Come to Battle of the Divasas a show I co-host with Why don't we gonna stop battling each other? What is the show gonna be like? Comics helping comics exactly. Why can't we just have a show where we help each other write good jokes? This is a great show you should come Union hot tomorrow They you know what they should do with Rose battles and all these stuff you should do your act and if you you bomb You have to leave the business. Yeah, yeah, lose it. Yeah, let's go for pinks, baby I have a new show. It's called Munchline. Everybody has to have food punchlines. Yeah, it's everything's That one you actually yeah, I don't think anybody's requested it. Sorry. I requested the doubt. On that one.

You actually, yeah, I don't think anybody has requested it. Sorry, I'm not very sharp right now. I've had two full juice glasses of whiskey. I know, I'm sorry. I've heard it, we'll all struggle it. Jesus Christ. What else you get? Iced up here.

We'll get iced. Does actually do that runs a show called Complament Battle, which is called a parody of roast battle. No, it's post-rattle. I did it the other night. I judged it. It was really a lot of fun. It roast bad. No, it's close rattle. I did it the other night. I judged it. It was really a lot of fun.

It was surprising. No, I'm serious. It was surprisingly funny for like, how are you doing it right now? No, it was fun, man. We had a good time. It was surprising. It was weird.

They were common each other, but it was really fucking funny. I don't know how they did it. I honestly, I don't know. I wouldn't know how to do it. Chrissy, what else you got, baby? Um, I'm maybe playing, I'm doing the comedy connection. Just how are you saying, stop, oh, to the dragon, I had a real hot,

I had a real hot, uh, fucking bomb week and a comedy. Babe, listen to me, that club. I'm from Providence. Are you really? Listen, I love Providence. I wanted to talk to you about that, my first headlining. What?

The pub that, where? Here we go. Back it up. Pekipsi. That was my first time headlining. How was it? Great. Pekipsi has a great room, and I'll say this.

You take, I'm telling you, the guys up there love comics. They know all of us. They pay great. And you take literally a train. Sure. You get off the train, and it's right across the street like right there and you do the show. I did two shows up there, they're both fucking great.

Pequipsy. I'm there on the 19th. So there you go. What else you got? What else you got? Um, what's your Twitter? Guys, stop having a fucking, Sam, shut the fuck up. Yeah, I don't wanna keep getting out of the way.

I'm kidding. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Fucking you talking into the microphone. His microphone is right there. Yeah, you did. I've never been on real radio Sam. I'm sorry. I was talking into the fucking microphone.

Sorry, I made a few mistakes. I'm gonna spend the rest of the night making up too. Okay, good. I'm sorry. So you come on the row with me? Can I eat your pussy? Yes, you can. What else you got?

Just, yeah, I'm doing the show at RS Nova December 10th that I'm really excited about. My baby and a lot of stuff to go KristiCello.com or at KristiCello because I'm doing Oh, I'm doing half hour at New York Comedy Club November 50th. Oh, wrap it up. Yeah, I know. There's a lot of fucking history. Very exciting.

Why is it still on me? So I know if I just had to keep going. So now you're good, Bobba. We have a spot. Yeah, we gotta go. What do you got? Bob I gotta find it. Yeah, but it's going cast a spell on them later. I'm doing that. Christian is more plugs than Bert Reynolds More than Lawrence asshole JP JP we come back on I'd love to all right, dude. Yeah, don't talk so much next time

Come on, it was a hard show. You got fucking salmon you and Chris Next time a little whiskey all right, don't you fucking these two hammers? Trying to end the show before somebody fights what are you podcast with a blind drunk these two anytime? What do you got? trying to end this show before somebody fights. What are your podcasts with a blind drunk these two anytime? What do you got? And my answer? What's that? And your asshole, yeah, your asshole is the producer.

What do you got besides a vine shirt? It's laundry days, this is old shit. I got a, follow me on Twitter at JP underscore McDade. One of the best probably. I'm going to be laughing up for Kipsey. You're going to be up here too. You have that,, I'm featuring for Ben Cronberg. Oh cool. Oh, there on the I just literally let you as those just talk over people Yeah, what else you can also do in a half hour on the 21st where lucky jacks where what's the lower

Side I know that spot lucky jack there's too much comedy Joe there is I'm sick of it There's too much. It's all coming. I feel bad. It's all coming tumbling down It's coming down another bus does come and then some people will wait it out and be good people will wait it out and be good. I really love it. It's coming. It's coming. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

We've been around. We've seen it happen. Yeah, wow. This is a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a I almost had a heart attack on the phone with you. I remember just being stupid. I remember just being stupid. Yeah, and you can't. We were like, you hung up. We were three way. And me and Bird just stood there for three minutes going, the fuck did Bobby's die?

You come back and you go, I'm cool, dude. Bobby, it's not cool. What was that? I did. I got it defamber later. No, no, this thing. It's probably a heart attack. It was, that was it.

It was, it was, it was, it was a soft little spasm Sam you got what do you got why can I go? I'm gonna keep you In DC with stovah the book in stovie baby. Yeah, he booked that gig He was supposed to book it for me and him. Right. And I couldn't drop the hammer on it. So apparently he just booked it for him and said, he's like, Bob, I'm sorry, my friends need to like the headliner.

I'm gonna bring Sam. He's dropped this kid. No, man. November November 11th and 12th Big hunt I'm at in DC. I'm at Zaini's November 18th through 20th and I'm at I'm in Charlottesville the southern and Charlottesville The website or is this your website? Bobby got the I brought it for like an hour and a half on your fucking show can I plug three dates I Well, I'm at the dead crown when we tend to December 3rd and 4th. That's it. Oh, I'm saying

Third every empty Charlie good nights. I have it is a good. I don't know. I'm asking Broly I've heard you Yeah, I'm seeing I'm thinking of it. Hi buddy. Sammy. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I'm thank you What what do you got? I'm What do you got? I'm uh... How are you doing? He's just done me a side-on-seed dumpstover from the tour. I'm doing the Woodbridge New Jersey Comedy Festival next week.

I'm playing at the Wendy's. What? Not in the big room. I'm playing the small room next to the where the friday friday. Salah bar. Are you gonna ask him? Is it not fun? It's not fun. I thought this would be funny. I thought he was funny. What do you get? What? the friday are you gonna ask him

what he got now she's a player in the north of the comedy festival are you really there's a alright there's a place out there used to be a raised pizza and now it's abandoned but i'll be in the small room there. Yeah.

No, come on. No, that was more about J.P. Show. Listen, no, it's a great basement on the Lower East Side, or right, don't know. I'm going, I'm going, no, I'm just joking. I have a podcast about hard movies. It's like a Cisco and E-word, except we curse, and the only other it's called, we'll see, when hell.

We had some memory idea we were gonna do. Yeah, that's like, we should gonna do. Yeah, and Netflix. Of course. We should pitch that. Yeah, well, I got this thing now. No, you're right, guys. You're right. Can I pitch the thing I got?

No, I'm sorry, go ahead. It's called We'll See In Hell. It's on the Thangoria Podcast that we're checking that out. And I'm touring at the end of the month. November 20th, Houston, Texas. 21st Lafayette. And 22nd New Orleans. And then the Saturday, right after Thanksgiving,

in Atlanta, the real app theater. I'm mad with the, on the list. Joderosacombady.com for details. Go ahead. Come check it out. Great to have you back, buddy. Good to see you. I see you.

I love all you guys. I think all of you are great. Yeah, we all break balls and stuff, but it's everybody's here. Cheers. I really need it. Deepo. Deepo, what do you got? At R2 Deepo, across the board.

I got two podcasts. I got the Geeks in New York and the Go To Help podcast on iTunes, so you should check those out. Geeks in New York, I actually watched a little bit of it. I'm gonna watch you the next couple of days. I'm a big fan of Oscar and you. Yeah, yeah. It's actually I'm a nerd. I love all that shit. Yeah, we talk gaming news, movie news, all that great stuff. All that stuff. Strange last night. We're gonna talk about that this week. Good. Check that out, man. I can't wait to, and you're doing it here now. So, well, I mean, we

did it that one time. We didn't like officially set that up. Well, we're gonna see about that. Okay. All right. That'd be great. Lauren What do you got besides a loose asshole and fucking the shit? You got dirty poop leaking out of your every she goes every time I piss I have I shit myself How I'll never want to have sex with her again Well I don't want you around my kid. Oh come on I'm so good. I don't want you around my kid. I don't want two people using diapers in my house. I think I babysit.

You're going to shit on my new couch and blame it on my poor son. I don't want to have to go over the diaper. What do you got baby? At Lauren Cubera and make sure you guys download the Robert Kelly's you know what dude up. Yes. 199 Twitter and follow us on our new Instagram YKWDude podcast. Yes and make sure you do me a favor go to RobertKDlive.com true story tour we have a bunch more dates next week on me a comics come home I think I'm headlining that which is fucking ridiculous. No, no, plus on it. Bill Burr, want a site. Wow. Fucking Jimmy Fallon, Dennis Leary, Lenny Clark.

Go back. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah that makes sense. What? At a high time selling out fucking Macgubes. Fucking assholes are doing theater doors fucking you earned it go do it kids Anyways We got we get some else though if you want to come into the studio live YKWD producer at riot test dot com Yes, and email me and I'll get back to it and if you're a young comic or a comic that hasn't been on and you listen to the show, you wanna come on, email? Email ykwdproducer at rikest.com

or just hit me up at Lauren Cooper. And I'm gonna do it for you. This is your first time on the show. And I'm a huge fan of it. Dude, great time, great, thanks coming on. Come back on again. We'll see you guys next time. We're gonna have a new president by the time you hear this. It's probably gonna be Hillary Clinton. If

it's Donald Trump, I live in Westchester by the woods. Find me, you can stay in my shack if this city gets burned to the fucking ground. See you guys next time. You know what, then? You've been listening to YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free.

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