Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Rich Vos, Mike Cannon "Nipple Lift"
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Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día.
¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene?
¿Sino por qué no te viene?
Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos,
y no creer olvidarnos.
Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía.
Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra.
Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos lía.
Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid.
3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno.
Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar
tu del 3 por uno en mediana, salomicidio, solo pidiendo al line.
¿Saparao?
3 por 1, 3 por 1, ah no no no.
¡Dominos!
Picha.
Sabemos lo importante que es sentirse acompañado.
Por eso en Caisha Bank ahora cuentas con un préstamo para hacer realidad tus ilusiones.
Solicitalo desde el móvil, otra vez de tu gestor, informate en caishabank.es.
Caisha Bank, tu y yo, nosotros.
Siempre que se mantenga las circunstancias económico-financeras del solititante en el momento de la solicitud. The fact that YKW did broadcast YKW did back again
Old school back in the day
We're all starting before them all
YKW did broadcast is so fun and crazy
And there's no rules
Shut up, you all winning this
Work the bar damn out of this, sorry
It's a comedy podcast, this is an NPR
That's the podcast done
Is there any better show?
This is it and P.R. That's the part that does. Is there any better show? This is the original original.
Hey, what's going on everybody? It's Robert Kelly. Welcome to you know what dude?
What's up? We're back with another episode. We are in the studio live almost kind of.
You'll never know. We will just fool you. You'll think it's going on right now,
but it's probably not.
Anyways, but we are live.
It's Tuesday.
I guess you know who's here?
Who can't shut the fuck up?
Can never not fucking just ruin everything,
even on his own podcast, testing one, two, testing one, two.
Everybody give it up for the legend.
Self-proclaimed, right?
No, Bonnie made it up and the whole world goes with it.
My wife hates me podcast and when I saw Hamilton,
no, what are you talking about?
Album.
No, that's my old album.
Oh, right, well whatever.
My new album is called Rich Force 7, it's online,
but if you wanna, listen, if you wanna support,
go to my website and buy my shirt, Rich Fawce Legend.
All right, forget the album.
I still have the album set to shows by the shirt.
All right, you know, a little support
because I do everything for everybody.
Are you done?
We what the fuck?
That was a cry for help.
That was amazing.
Give it up for my other guest who I love,
who is, I mean, killing it, He's headlining the Grammacy theater,
theater in New York City, legendary Grammys almost sold out.
So get your tickets now.
If you're watching this live, go get your tickets now
because it will sell out.
It will sell out.
Hey, mush, stop putting up the seats.
Or whoever.
Listen, can we not call him? Oh my God.
Did you, did people return their tickets from?
I mean, that's less.
I mean, I got you on Caldary Kelly.
That's, it's more.
Come on.
That's great.
What?
I mean, the middle of the credit for you.
And I give his guy because here's what you did to him.
Is it, why am I watching your set at the comedy shop?
Because he was, no, you're not watching it.
Because you're, well, if you're not watching you can see him well if you are so you can learn but here's can I turn this off
can I give his credits you fucking old man no but here's what you did I you
said go buy his tickets which you should of course he's funny playing the
grammy see yes I did woodstock anyhow you didn't do woodstock. You're at the original one. You brought Led Zeppelin on
He had a Netflix credit this past year. Yeah, yeah, what I'm saying is of course push Mike anybody wouldn't want to help Mike
But you said Rick for us. Have you go over one of my old CDs like what the fuck oh Hamilton and let's go to Mike
No, no spend a little time on each person.
All right.
I'm going to, I was going to.
No, you started on me like because you talk too much.
I'm sorry.
Joe, is the YKWD centered?
No, you're looking at me.
You fucking cheese monkey.
What's the cheese monkey?
You fucking cheese monkey.
Cheese monkey. I tell cheese monkey. Cheese monkey.
Joe is used to his naked eye on the shots.
Bobby twice has been like,
do we center?
Are we good?
And Joe's not looked through the camera.
He's been like, you look good, man.
I'm not gonna lie.
Joe is a fuck.
He's the only guy that doesn't smoke weed,
but acts like he just smokes a ton of weed.
I think he gets high off cheese.
I think he micro doses.
I think he does something.
What I think, I think his wife's vagina is like a mushroom.
It's still as high of a clam.
I'm so happy you got that out.
Listen, Voss, what's up?
Voss, go buy everything of his.
No, just get to shirts, go to richforce.com
and order a hoodie or some shirts.
You really wear pain on your face today.
Really?
Yeah, you're kind of like, it looks like
you're just having a tough time.
Yeah.
Are you all right?
Are you okay?
We were, we were, we were,
we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were like well here's basically are you all right, dude? Is everything okay?
First of all everything's great. I took well get to that in a second what I
What everything's right what I'm trying to say is I don't like to set up because these are not comfortable
Podcast chairs what it's so comfortable. I am I am come I
He lives in the basement of his in-laws. I have my own furniture. I was long ago rich. I'm out
I have a carriage house now you just you feel like a little king. That's why it's bottom you
Feel like a lily-tomlin right now you little man
Everything's great. I took my I did my colonoscopy, right?
Which the fuck is faster the prep excuse me headliners are talking. The prep the prep for that you everybody. Have you done you're too young?
You haven't done it. He looks 70. He's only 32.
No, but I don't know why Mike Mike. I don't know why you're going for the oldest look. Yeah, we died our hair until
I have 50s. No, I know and why won't you die it? I will. I will. I don't have imagination if somebody hires me.
They're not going to because you look like a ghost.
You have that disease where you grow older fast.
Yes.
You're a real.
Yeah.
I'm a jack.
Yeah, dude, you got to die your hair.
You're so young and you're a good looking guy.
But it's just never died.
You've died your hair.
Me and Keith used to die.
We still have tears.
I'm still like AJ from Backstreet Boys.
Oh, rain.
How do you want to get the arrow would go down his chin?
Like, what do you do? Do you get a coat?
Like you get it out?
Uh-oh.
I was enjoying it.
Yeah, I stopped.
You stepped all over you.
I apologize to the audience.
Because that was good.
You want to try again?
We can end it in.
Go try again.
Wow.
What?
Her hair is.
Holy shit.
I just shuried.
Rob Lombard. You look like a wolf. You do look like a Jewish any monster first of all
Open your eyes fucking Mike Lee
I'm going to dinner in here. We know yeah, but Michael Scott season one
Somebody out there got it they like it
in one somebody out there got it they like it. You know what good for them.
Yeah, enjoy that.
It's a little back.
God, what the fuck?
Oh, it's my back.
Every time I stretch my back it feels like this is like hanging out with an old
Jew.
That sounded like a horse spinning.
That sounded like a magic trick that had gone wrong.
Oh, I think you poured a sandwich in my underwear.
So anyways, Voss, I'm very excited.
I do want to get this out at the beginning of the show
that Canon is playing the...
Grammarcy.
The Grammarcy, and you sound tickets.
You're probably going gonna sell it out.
What is happening?
February 25th.
So we can go.
So fucking cool.
Who do you got opening?
So far Casey Balsham, do you know her?
She's really.
I think so.
She's super funny.
You're not gonna have one of your boys open?
No.
What the fuck?
Why?
Because we're more, we're, we do the same
topically stuff.
It's like, you're talking about the same stuff
as that lesbian.
First of all, Sagalow does bits about his idiot friends that have kids like so yeah
We do he talked about me and then I talk about me, but it's better to have a female
Just for it, you know not saying the diversity just a different flavor. What did you just say?
It's better. I love having female open all the time diversity thing. What What was versity? I say diversity. Oh, I didn't hear the dog. No, I could do it with you
That's what everybody here's your dog. I just say versity. I'm not gonna talk about Billy's fucking opener
Billy
Boss is having full blown old man fever
Not gay you're not getting me tonight. I have to bring it down a notch. That's not getting each other
Let's all fun. I have a good. I love doing stuff. Let's hold it. I can't no
Oh my hand boss just hold my hand
Into missy fucking makes you throw up with you
Dude I was really I was really I thought that was it
That was a good acting job. I thought that was not acting if you touch him emotionally
He feels love at all. He throws up. That's where he's at life
You really hate people don't you?
No, I Indian home
Well, we write that down only Indians. Oh, no.
We'll be right back. I'm only just
doing it. Yes.
First of all, Native American or Indian Asia.
When I get my lottery tickets, they always fuck up.
And I know it might not.
And one guy, I guess we know what you're talking about.
One guy the other day, he was counting them and licking his
fingers and counting my tickets.
I go, oh, lick my fuck a tick as he goes,
you haven't bought him yet, they're not yours.
He's fucking got me.
That's pretty, yeah, yeah.
Well, I just wanted to really...
Let's calm down.
Let's calm down.
Let's all...
No one's sitting like this.
Shut up. It looks good
You're going for the look. You're not
Angling ficus
Let's the look is hospice
Listen, so you do now now how did you get these?
The grandmas?
More after that.
I didn't have any.
I was waiting for the rest of the class.
I like to say, hospice.
What, well, me and Chris said, how did you get the grandmas?
They approached me.
What they said.
No, no.
Yeah, we should have went with that.
It was kind of that.
I wouldn't have had a lie first.
But it was more or less that.
It was my new manager being as as who's your new manager?
Emilio. Oh, Emilio. Yeah. Yeah. All right. It works with Chrissy D and he's great. He's been super
What no, that's good. I he's I love him. He's a great guy. Okay. Yeah, so what did they start a sentence?
Well, I was gonna say they said if you want Chrissy D you got to take my man
That's the leverage
So that's where I'm going.
I'm going wherever they have a bigger act, and they can use them to open up my doors.
So I'm slamming the table.
My, my, my, my sorry.
That's exactly how every agency does it though.
They pretty much leverage their big time.
Yeah, a few, I mean, yeah, if you want to think that, if you need to think that, yeah, absolutely need to think that.
I know sometimes it's not looking. You're at the
level where you're going to break and you're not going to need that, but it's just that
one little push. Sure. Obviously clubs, you don't need that. You're not going to have any.
No, no. All the people that were at that stage are dead or canceled. So we don't have those options. Yeah, we don't have. Yeah.
Yeah.
So, no.
Oh my god.
I wish I wish Patrice made it.
I would leverage our friendship every second.
Are you kidding me?
I'm trying to get booked just from his hat that I have.
I can't just have it in.
Yeah.
Boss sends a clip of his documentary.
I was just press kid.
Dude, all of our co-tales died.
Yeah.
Damn.
You got nice co-tales.
You got Chrissy D, half gay.
That's it, and you.
My co-tales.
Yeah.
Dude, I don't stay on my co-tales.
Oh, ooh.
Dude, don't use my co-tales.
I'm not even playing the Grammacy.
Sorry, I left you hard at that.
There you did.
I'm very happy for you, though. Thank you. You got a few tickets left. They were expensive. I left you hard at that. There you did. I'm very happy for you though.
And you got a few tickets left.
They were expensive.
I know I got that fixed.
Thank you for putting that out.
That was a glitch.
It was a price and glitch.
Yeah, and yeah, fuck that.
I looked at his tickets dude.
One of them, not that day when we looked with you before I looked,
was $290 for a ticket.
Yeah, but then he comes to your house and paints a room.
Yeah.
Is that the VIP package?
The platinum package. Yeah, that's brought to you by live nation. You're gonna get a free cameo. I paint the room
And you do the lawn or shovel
And I follow you back. Yeah, you found
290 I want I want an hour and a limb
I want to go home with a finger
In your butt
Oh, oh Jesus come on now. What am I doing Jim and Sam now?
You're doing that tomorrow you loser
This is crap for tomorrow
For Jim takes. Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So now when you sell it out, what if you don't sell it out?
Have you thought of that?
Let's take my own life publicly.
Oh, you don't have to sell it.
You should tell yourself at the show.
Yeah, I will.
Yeah.
As long as you have enough people.
Oh, don't give them your shitty advice.
What if I? As long as they have a curtain don't give them your shitty advice
As long as as long as they have a curtain and they can draw it back. No, you'll do well. Tell it out Yeah, no, I know that's the is Chris gonna help you. Yeah, I mean, I've been on his podcast and shit as he tweeted it out
I don't know if he has yeah, yes, come on buddy tweeted out for the kid. He's been great to me
I wrote on his new show that's coming out on vice. I was supposed to be on it
I know fucking so sad. I know
When it comes back I can't wait
You would be great because I mean we don't touch on things from the 20s, but like 60s 70s 80s and 90s
So you you could
Know what?
Empire
Yeah, we don't have much from the bootlegging days. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's nothing
They ever do an alcapone sketch you could be
I can hear us this is great. You can't even hear us anymore
What's that?
Dude, I Jim slammed him downstairs and it was the best moment I've ever it was just goes he laughs it goes what?
It was the best moment I've ever it was just goes he laughs it goes what
It bugs me that nor it's still as fast as a bike. Oh, it's unreal makes me you thought the HIV would slow down a little bit
What First of all what oh is that too far for you?
P.E.D. for Jim I
Like that I fake laugh at you stuff. You could have laughed at hospice
Oh, I did like hospice.
Now, I get it.
Time to mull it over.
What's up?
Something enhancing drugs.
PD.
This is why you wear headphones.
Because you know when you're not talking in the microphone.
Oh, yeah, I like that.
I like that.
You like what?
When you school.
When you school me.
Am I watching my friend die?
I don't know.
I feel fucking sad right now. What's there is going to be a time
and not that far away where everybody's got to be like, yeah, Rich. Yeah, the first of all,
is that you sure it's going to be real? First of all, let me explain something like this.
This is airbrushed. Listen, let me explain something to you, fuck faces. I just had a call inoscopy perfect a couple little polyps I saved them
Then I had my physical
Blood test really is it Mike or is it him no so everything came back fine
Right, I'm in fucking great shape. I fucking work out. I play golf. Yeah, we know my hearing my and he tested my hearing
It was fine
but formal deterioration for 112 year old man. Boy, that's over two with the same joke.
Jesus is this what his low and his mic's high fix it. I can hear me. You know what, you got good ears. I just so
I
That is beef barley soup back there
It's good to be back What the fuck did we just go through a time warp?
I know you would tell them I said you want to talk back on your fucking
I'd have you back on
I miss you I miss you too what happened with your polyps and the physical?
The poly day he found three little ones. So then I go off. No, they kept them there.
You fuck. I've never done it. I don't know. Yeah.
I'm terrified. So I'm 37. Right. I have to when I'm 40. Right.
Is it now recommended for earlier? Because one of my buddies just got his and he's not
30. He's like 38.
Well, definitely a prostate said prostate check is earlier.
No shit.
Yeah, he put his fingers in me.
Right.
And he goes, he goes, he said, Tommy, don't get hard.
I go, my name's Richard.
He goes, I was talking to myself.
That is the first joke ever written.
I know.
I could, I'll say it every podcast.
I love it.
Very Chevy chase you.
And he pitted the prostate.
That one you get checked earlier,
because prostate cancer and colon cancer are preventable.
Right.
And people, you know, look,
I have colon cancer in my family.
My dad, my dad's father was shitting out of his stomach for the last 15 years.
Really? And how many pictures do you see?
He's selling grams.
None of these in the ground.
Oh, the first signs of colon cancer is gray hair.
Is that right?
Yeah, just early.
Yeah, the hair follicles, the, the dies and you get gray hair.
Yeah.
And your right eye seems a little more dead than your left eye.
Oh, is that droopier? My eyelids are starting to get like pretty shitty
They're folding over. Don't try to agree when we're smashing you
Yeah, you're right there
I am green lighting your head on me because I'm sorry for this
He's where he's got a big theater show coming up.
We hit a hoost them up and you're tearing them down.
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, listen.
I'm not telling them that I'm saying even go,
if he doesn't say it's still gonna be great.
You know, what the fuck?
I think I fucking drove in through the tunnels,
sitting where about his Grammacy show.
We already fucking talked about it.
The whole, is your podcast on his Grammacyacy show I don't give a fuck about his show do you
want to do a set okay it's a Saturday you're free fire hey a sangle I got him four times. Oh, I'm too big for this. Actually, you're not. I know.
I know. Well, you got your new album coming out. It's been out. What does it
call?
What is seven? Seven. Yeah, there it is right there. Do you know, do you
know what I realized what voice sounds like? You sound like the sea
gall from Little Mermaid? Buddy Hackett, right?
He's starting to sound like Buddy Hackett.
Like Buddy Hackett.
I don't sound at all like Buddy Hackett.
Pull up Seagull from Ariel.
It's unreal.
You do.
I agree.
It's so good.
Is that a French fry?
I mean, you're right on the money.
You're starting to sound like buddy hack it
I can't wait to you fucking just like buddy hack it
It's gonna take him seven years to pull it up. I know
How you got it maxi there's an ad on YouTube. Okay. Here's a thanks mook maxi
So here it is seven we got seven seven fucking albums in a career. That's not great. Yeah, there it is right here
Let's see. What do you got repeat the line after he says it?
Pause Romantic stimulation
Say romantic stimulation
Dude, oh
This is just a that is what's back there too
Sounds like you
This is an old cartoon.
Yeah.
Back when they had white.
I'm talking more speech.
This is a singing part for the Seagull.
Where's the singing part?
This is just singing with the Seagull.
This is a home talking.
This is not him talking.
Can we have him talking?
I mean, Ariel's about to give fuck me eyes.
Do you see that?
Those eyes are great.
The Disney women.
The people love those eyes.
Whoever draws the Disney women,
and like even down to like the lionesses in Lion King,
they know how to do that.
Like the eyes where you're like, oh shit.
Yeah, she wants that.
Yeah, that lion wants to get fucked.
Look at that, are you talking about the lion the baby lion the cub
What are you talking about there is a very specific scene in lion king and I'm sure it's been talked about before but it's when
She runs that she recies Simba and they reconvene and stupid Elton John song is playing and she pins them to the ground
And she like gives them these eyes where it's like the lion wants to get absolutely deep-dicked
Are you fucking crazy?
Are you are you watching this on like mushrooms? No, I'm watching this with clear eyes full heart can't lose. I don't understand
I don't I gotta see this.
It's like probably three quarters of the way through the song.
You know where it is. I mean, I'm a huge Lion King fan. I bet you are. It's a dad dies in it.
I wish it had this is exactly where it is. But watch the eyes. Why can't we hear it? Hold on, not yet. Watch the single on her.
Ready?
One, two, three, boom.
Oh my, tell me you don't want to eat that lion's ass.
I want to suck her lion's ass all right now.
Oh my god.
Cannon.
Unreal, right?
I'm so turned on right now.
They are out.
There's rocks right there.
There's a rock.
What's his name?
Muscat.
Muscat.
Looks like Vos.
And you're Pumba.
Ha, Pumba.
I'm Pumba.
He's like, you're, ah, ah, ah,
and we're just washing like two dirty asses
in the mouth.
I can push it.
Oh my God.
Oh, come here.
Baby, it's okay.
Don't look.
Oh, wow.
Sexy, right?
Sexy is.
Yeah, you're right.
I know.
They know how to get you.
Yeah.
All the princesses, their eyes like jasmine, they're unbelievable.
Yeah. Well, do they do that still like Jasmine, they're unbelievable. Yeah.
Well, do they do that still?
Pixar, they look a little more goofy.
It's less erotic.
So they took the sex out.
Yeah, yeah, they really removed the sex.
The passion when the FBI comes here, house.
Fucking the fucking bunch of.
I just took it off.
Sorry.
I mean, he's been on radio for 70 years. It's insane
Ventil. Yeah, he was there like when the when the ships came down with the world. Yeah, the world. Yeah, orson
Wells. That was his voice. Ladies and gentlemen, this is rich vongs. I have two albums already too.
God damn it. I'll never look at a cartoon like that again. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like, have you watched a cartoon porn?
Like just as the side advertisements, like I've seen lowest get like
squid arms in or something like that lowest family guy.
You know, really? Yeah. She's got like the hottest body of any cartoon.
I was talking like anime. I wasn't talking like I wasn't talking like the Simpsons like I have some of those they have them
I try to watch pointy other night. I never want so I went to I wanted to go to step mom sleeping with their step kid
Right all you have to do is open up. Yeah, I did I would to pour and hub the fucking step mom was younger than the step kid
What the fuck who who's casting these things?
What the fuck that didn't fucking, that wasn't a good fantasy.
That should have been brother and sister, not fucking stepmom.
And okay, I wanted to see some older lady fucking blowing some little dumb kid.
Yeah.
Not, you know, I mean, you know, I know exactly what you're talking about.
Yeah.
I understand what you're saying.
And I'm saying it's just, I have nothing to do with this.
You just want to see an age appropriate woman blowing a child.
Not a child.
Not like you with the eyes.
And I don't fucking jerk off to lion's cartoon.
Don't have an age.
Yeah.
I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying that.
I'm totally mature Lioness.
I'm talking 18. Yeah. In line years, she was
39. Yeah. She's one. But she's, you know, she's going to die in a year and a half.
You know what I'm saying? No, I don't. I don't. Don't say yes. He does. He just took a
Rick and Morty five years ago. Really? Yeah,
you're trying to sell out the Grammacy. Why did they do it in Rick and Morty? That guy's.
He's, he's, oh yeah. They had a text, text or DMs to young girls under eight. Well, my
fucking wife, when I first met my wife, what the fuck? She was running a bit of
coloring. No, no, she was, and those two guys that created Rick Amorty
Yeah, used to do videos for her. They were young guys
Body naked was she was 15. Oh no, no, I know listen to me these guys were just editing for her right movie
Said she was making when she was in LA. Wow, and then all of a sudden they're fucking billionaires. Yeah, they're fucking good
They great show. I just got into it.
I never watched it.
My son Max was like, dad, can I watch Rick and Morty?
I was like, all right, put it on and I started.
I was like, this is so inappropriate.
But then I went, I started laughing.
He's like, look at me.
It's funny, right?
And I was like, I don't tell you my whole disease.
He's 19.
Yeah, no, he's nine.
I just bought my daughter.
Oh, this is great.
Now you can start watching like dumb and dumb or ace from
Tara.
I just want to look at it now.
90s classics.
That's what you're looking at.
Just trying to stay hip and current, man.
Dumb and dumb.
You say, where dumb?
I got it.
I don't explain them.
People have to know if you are dumb and dumbier. The dumbest. I
am. Yeah, what's up? What do you call it? Talk to us. Sir, talk the
legend. My kid watches, like she's watching every episode of
the family guy. Not she's fucking watches all of them. What year were
you born? Was I born? Yeah, 57
Oh two years older than my parents. Really. Yeah, I could be your dad. Yeah, definitely my
F**king jizz in that bad
My all my jizz all the eyes are fucking perfect
Okay, I don't have I don't shoot one dead eye jizz I get get fucking nipple-lo-ing and now my eyes is fucked up.
Your nipples too low?
Bobby, yeah, he ruined it for me.
And the other day, dude, I did this.
So I'm working out and my chest is getting like
a little more square but not quite.
And so I pulled up my nipples just to see like,
you know, what it would look like if they were perfect.
And I just realized I'm in the bathroom giving myself
like manual nipple lifts because of him.
Get a nipple lift.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's take half the money from you selling the crazy and get your tits normalized because
it haunts my dreams.
What is it?
Yeah, I almost sent you a picture, a topless picture.
The fact that I took it.
It was good.
It was good.
So let me watch at your ass pick is the best.
Yeah.
The best ass of the business.
This is. What the? best ass of the business. This is.
What the?
I don't understand the boost.
What the fuck are you doing?
You want to see a nice ass.
It's first of all, first of all.
How old are you?
You're just fighting at younger people.
Dust shot out of your jeans.
What do you do?
Those are bonkers.
Now I know why you wear hemifloves because you shit your pants by the end of the day.
But how does that get up to the microphone? We did this last time too. You farted away
from the mic and it like asshole has. Maybe if you're in a business.
You have a natural draw to your parts. If you're in a business as long as me you learn
how to project. I hear you. You use your abdomen. You're like an opera singer.
You breathe out of me.
Everything from the diaphragm.
You're acting like I'm fucked up.
You guys are talking about animal porn.
We weren't talking about animal porn.
You just say that it was a drama.
What did I say was not true though.
Like the eyes were.
That you're gonna sell out grandma's. My can't
be a grandma's he pleased by tickets. They're less now. He made them less. I made them
the right price. We're 170. They were in that they realized this isn't gonna happen.
Now and that was only five tickets, but I did I did raise hell. Now they're 40 bucks.
Yeah, they're normal price.
Well, it's still a high.
Yeah, but listen, it's the credit.
No, it is not for a theater show to see Canon do fucking 40 minutes.
40.
40 minutes.
You're doing 40?
No.
Oh, no.
You're doing an hour, hour 25.
Don't do, do not do that.
Why?
Do not do that.
Don't hold them hostage.
No, I don't do that.
I'm not gonna do that. Yeah, don't do that. Let her do her 20. Yeah, we'll do an hour.
Yeah, a little more than an hour to theater.
Mm-hmm. No, listen to him. People fucking do a Q&A after he had somebody sleeping at his house. Should I do Q&A?
No, no, you should go good night. Thank you and walk back on and be like, oh, guys, I heard this is what you do.
No, don't do that
No, because if you kill for an hour, yeah, and then you go back out and it doesn't go out
Yeah, you never come back out. There's people like with babysitters that have to leave there's an after party. You're gonna come
Every 25
Is it a Wednesday when it's a Saturday? Oh, we're working. We're headlighters too, right?
Richard coming No es el día de hoy. No es el día de hoy. No, estamos trabajando. O sea, tenemos dos habitantes. Es verdad.
¿Vamos a ver, Richard?
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard!
¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vamos a ver, Richard! ¡Vati-vi, ven a verlo, sim pagar nunca. Do not do a...
I'm not...
What are you gonna say to you?
We were talking about this on the bonfire today, about what we had.
Oh, how did you get that?
You look retarded.
Thank you.
You look...
You look like an old alien.
I mean, look at the camera, please.
Look at the camera right there.
Please look.
Not that one.
I don't even know what to do. god there's cameras everywhere you're fucking idiot
Can it I'm sorry should have no don't say that
What are you 20-feet? Oh?
I can make it back maybe where you're not left it up the kibble. Oh, yeah, you can definitely oh
I think we take the train. I can we do two shows on side. I don't fucking know
Don't they might want you to go.
You kidding me?
He wants clout there.
Yeah, but they might get rid of the late shown.
You're at Pekipsi.
He's at the theater in Manhattan.
How's that coat?
You want to hear something bad?
I just did.
I told him, I told him,
is it your album seven?
No, my stuff is good.
Number one all the time.
Listen to me.
I'm sitting at the seller with Nemeshmesh who I like you know Nemesh
Patel. Yeah stuff great great. God. No, Nemesh
I don't want to give his name. It's Nemesh. Okay. Nemesh Nemesh apples oranges. So Nemesh sounds like he's your Indian nemesh
So are just so nemesh sounds like he's your Indian nemesis. So he I am the match I'm here to fight rich boss the Jew. So he went nowhere so I met my friend. He when I I written with him on
so great guy. So he sold out he goes. I just did town hall
Right, I go you sold out he goes to shows 3000 tickets 3000 which is great that Thursday
I was at a VFW hall. I wanted to blow my fucking brains out
We just sold out two shows at town hall. Yeah, I got 80 people at a VF. Well, what's in a VFW?
Oh, is that place? I want to ask a question. Just a guard place. Can I ask it? It's a it's not even a VFW? Was that place? I want to ask a question. Just a guard place. Can I ask a question?
It's not even a VFW.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, it's the Lissium Boys Club in Harry Town.
Lissium Boys.
They have a bowling alley there.
Yeah, but you bowl and you have to have somebody done the end to set the pins back up.
Yeah.
It's not.
It's too late.
And they're fluorescent pins. You have to go run down and set them. It's not too late.
And they're fluorescent pins.
You have to go run down and set them out.
You feel like you're, you feel, the show was great.
The audience was great.
Proud was great.
They loved you.
A lot of my guys, I sent down from my cigar lounge.
You know, they were great.
And you fucking they loved you.
It was, thank you.
It was so much fun.
Where was it? At the Lissia Boys Club.
Oh, in Terry Town.
And they gave me, I can't find it a key to get in any time.
It's called the key fob.
Yeah, you can get that's awesome.
And this will work out room.
It's like a prison work out room.
But it's a workout room from 72.
No, but it's pretty, I mean, this is fucking,
no, this is a real way.
Yeah, yeah.
The, the, the, the weights of plastic with cement in them.
No, solid, no imprints.
There's some real good stuff in here.
I'm telling you, it's a good, it's a cool place,
but it's definitely from his childhood.
It's an older place.
It's older.
So they gave me this key somewhere.
So I said to him, they go, you can come anytime.
Yeah, I go, can you bring a girl?
They go, no. Oh, the fuck, what, I don't like, come bowl. It, I go can you bring a girl? They don't know
Come on, it's a lissy and boys club. What does that mean? Listen? I mean it's men. It's a man's club
It's for men. It's not from you can't bring brods brods. You're bringing brods
You know what girls are good at what they've perfected
Ruining but sucking the fun
perfected ruining the fun.
I mean, sucking.
And then spitting it in your face.
That's what you can't have.
But why were you going to ask me? You go, can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Do you think?
Yes.
What?
You if you, if you, if you had your guy, whoever it is, call up the town hall and say,
hey, Rich Foss would like a date.
I think you could get one and you probably sell.
Probably.
It's, it's, it's not my fault.
My headphones were on.
If your mic falls down, that's not my fault.
It's 100% your fault.
I didn't do the fucking, I didn't tighten the bolts.
It's the lack of awareness that's astonishing. Thank you, Mike. I was so enraged inside that I couldn't
verbalize. It's the not knowing. I mean, it's literally, I was going to do. If my guy called,
got to do something. I mean, if my guy called, yeah, if you're gonna know, like town hall, what's the place? He's a gram.
I mean, you sell that now. Yeah, I don't know. I know, of course,
you could. I'm just asking, don't you think you're saying this guy,
this guy just had somebody set up a date. Look, we have all in a
fans, you have last comic standing fans, you have stands over,
fans over generations. Yes.
You have fans.
You're like passed down from generation to generation.
Why can't you all come on a chariot?
You're like LeBron.
You're playing against the sons of the fathers that you played against.
Those are rookie.
That was good.
That was good.
I think, can we laugh and tell you that it was good?
Do you have to say it was good?
I'm big. What is this last comic standing? tell you that it was good? Do you have to say it was good? I'm big.
What is this last comic standing?
I like that one.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Don't say shut up after my shut up.
Okay.
You can't shut up on a shut up.
You're right.
Shut up.
What I'm saying?
You guys flirt.
It's very cute to watch.
Yeah, well.
Because that's what it is.
It's like, you think it's like arguing and stuff like that,
but it is 100% repressed homosexuality
and like a demolition man inability to touch our kiss.
You just, funny.
Oh.
I have no problem.
I've tried to touch this guy in my whole life.
You want nothing to do?
Look, it's like weird.
Like I touch with him.
I'm fine.
Yeah.
Anything I warm up with.
You really hands all over me. He pulls away and then stops and then pulls away. It's like, let me, should I, I'm fine. Yeah, anything I warm up. You really hands all over me.
He pulls away and then stops and then pulls away.
It's like, let me, should I, I don't know.
It's like scary.
Look, say, do you not like that?
Are you real weird with touch?
Like actually.
Get off me.
I used to go to NA meetings and they go,
you know, they were hug in the NA.
I go, the reason I'm here is because I don't like,
I don't know how to hug.
It's not not.
All right. Not not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not know how to hug. It's not not not not not not not
Conox said it's nobody anonymous. I
Thought it meant now okay one more
Nothing. No, I hope I'm gonna get another one of those what the bomb band-inner. Oh
Really you're fucking clown had to say that to you. No, you said it and he just regulates another
Hot bomb. You a fucking old mouth.
You're cloned.
Come, mush a clown.
I really do.
My whole team is just, look, they're all broken toys.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just, can you imagine being stuck
in an island with hot girls and them?
How, I mean, you have a camera of them.
I mean, it is disgusting.
Just the facial hair alone is just missing chromosome.
They look like they used to have a boy band
with Jared from Subway.
I mean, it's terrible.
I mean, they're all the same person.
I know, it looks like a movie Bill Murray should be in.
Yeah. It's a fall waiting for their mom to pick them up.
Terrible.
Yeah, they live in a group home.
This is a nighttime job.
We're gonna work with Bob tonight.
We're gonna Bob.
Bob tonight.
We work with Bob.
I do the board.
No, you did the board last week.
I do the camera.
I sit in chair.
One of them fingered a girl four years ago
and they still talk about it.
So Voss, I wanna talk to you.
You have your, how many albums do you have?
Seven.
One of my, one of my,
one of my goals.
Get my rhyme.
Go ahead.
One of my goals.
One of my, what's the guy who takes care of a counter-accula?
Remfeld that is name Renfield Renfield
Renfield
brought it up to me you have a lot of Roman numerals on two of them on two
It's because those were numbers when he was born
Is it two or three? That's because those were numbers when he was born.
They didn't make the other numbers.
Yeah.
Yes.
He does another fucking old.
I'm just smashing his good eye.
All right.
How many fucking lows you take for your eye to close?
Listen to me.
You're sick.
Fucking 12.
Go ahead.
Why do you have to recognize?
You have Black Lives Matter fist on the never again.
You have some appropriation.
We had this first way.
We did not have that first.
Are you crazy?
You had a Black fist first.
Yeah.
In my ass.
Okay.
The star.
You got a fucking eye.
I got the camera.
That's what I saw
Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly
Listen, so I told that we're gonna go back to that that is not your logo you took that is this your shirt? Did you buy that no? This is from the Jewish defense league shirt today Did they? Is that my, is that their, who had it first?
Black Lives Matter?
Jewish defense league.
What's the Jewish defense league?
At the French fucking defense Jews.
It's pretty explanatory.
Okay.
Like physically defend or...
All back in the day, back in the day, it was bigger when
Mayor Cahani who led the Jewish defense league,
very right-winged Joe.
And it was more semi-melaton type group. Meyer Kahani who led the Jewish offense lead very right wing Joe.
And it was more semi militant, sure type group.
He was assassinated in a hotel in, uh, so how many of you are this come out?
Are you a fan of his?
The fan of any radical Jew.
Yeah.
Jews need what Jews need.
His bigger fingers is.
I read holy shit.
What do you mean?
Does that mean you like aesthetics?
Because they seem like radicalized Jews.
Well, to some extent, but Jews need like a Malcolm X of Jews.
Someone to speak out, you know, Jews are very, very passive.
Hey, let's take out an article for the anti-Semitism.
Yeah, no, they can't use it.
Yeah, Jews are no for being passive.
They need something like a whole food to the budget. I said it Jews. You never went to a water park. for the anti-Semitism. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no like an umbrella. A sitting somewhere else. They're whole plastic thing over them. Oh my god.
That's a whole nother level.
They're just extremists and everything.
Okay. That's a whole nother level.
But that's what I'm saying. Is that you need somebody to speak out like when someone like Kanye
comes along or Kyrie or whatever. Sure.
But why don't you be that guy?
Because I'm not smart enough. That's really.
How am I going to I know?
No, I can't, me, me.
What the fuck was that?
What did I do?
But also, I think Rich being the head, Rich being.
Can you please go back and slow motion whatever?
What?
The fuck that just happened?
I wanna, I don't wanna for the podcast.
I wanted for his doctor.
So, whatever they get the guy that's like, ah, he's got something.
Yeah.
He can look at that.
No, I just be like, oh, that head movement,
that was when he first had an anger.
I think you should be the leader of the Jews,
because you would shatter the stereotypes
that Jews are good with money,
that they run everything, that they're so hard.
But they shall all pull,
first of all, you're trying to listen to me.
You're trying to make a joke?
Yeah, that's what he's trying to do.
It's gonna be a silly ghost,
I'm gonna be in a silly goose. I'm just being a silly goose.
It's actually a goose.
Was that another animal that you look at the rise?
Ooh, look at a goose, look at me.
How you fucking creep?
You're the animal fucker.
You're a piece of shit.
I know.
I'm surprised that I'm buying a farm somewhere.
No, we don't sell them, we fuck them.
That's my hair spray. Just chicken tastes salty.
It's almost like amazing how quick you flip to,
like you both can feel who's the weakest
and you just like two volatil raptors flying.
Oh, come in my space.
So, I'm gonna feel, we walked in a room and knew it.
So, and they're all over there.
He'll fucking die out too.
I gotta get back on your side.
Cause at least you pace yourself.
If you, I wanna hear, listen.
Okay, here's something.
I wanna hear something.
Okay.
I wanna hear if you are gonna be the leader of the Jews,
you're gonna be the Malcolm XXL of the Jews, you're going to be the Malcolm X XL of the
Jews.
You're going to be the Jewish, uh, MLK.
You're going to be the Jewish Kennedy.
I want to hear your speech, look into your camera and tell these motherfuckers represent the
Jews, represent the Jews.
Okay.
But don't do it to us.
Do it to the camera.
First of all, you don't add lib a speech.
You fucking idiot.
But I feel like it's something you're passionate about.
It's not about it.
There's some stuff.
First of all, they say Jews control this country.
Yeah, look in the camera.
No, I'm talking to my audience.
You can't, they're right there.
No, do it.
Okay, give me speech.
Let's sell it.
Let's sell it.
There's three percent of us in this country.
Will you run it?
What does that say for the other 97?
You don't have the passion.
Give me a minute to build.
You don't start.
I do.
It's a fucking need you now.
They need you now, not in fucking a couple of seconds.
You're wearing that never again with a fist.
Get that fist and dig down.
And it's like your course that the stop.
Oh, it's here.
They're right here.
I'm down.
Joey ambixon. They're right here. I'm down Joey. I'm back soon
Come on
Listen guys
Christ
Thank you for coming. Coming where? Thank you for coming to my show
No, here's to deal we can look we I bet Mike could do a better job. Can I finish?
I have no passion for the Jews
Look, I bet Mike could do a better job. Can I finish?
I have no passion for the Jews.
No, you're not.
I'm in the Christ.
You're in the wrong business, stay that stupid.
Oh, well, I'm just being silly.
I'm in his Italian.
His co-tails are Italian.
He's fine.
Oh, we have a speech for a...
Oh, you do.
Okay, where is it?
Do you have a big...
I'll print it printing your speech.
That's that's the bird from Little Mermaid. It sounds just like them. It's unreal, right? You should be doing you should be doing
animation. I would. Yeah. So you can't do it. I can't do it. on real right should be doing you should be doing animation
I would yeah so you get i'm just you can't do you can't do it but i'm not you're not a good actor
i am a good actor i am not a good actor you can't me i believe that i like that i believe it
right here i got a scene let's do what would you for i am genuinely curious though for those of us
i have a lot of see hold Hold on, middle of the country,
haven't really come into contact with Jews.
They see them in high positions of prominence.
There's always like an immediate shutdown
of anybody that criticizes them or talks of,
in any type of negative way,
or that's at least how they see it.
What would you say to them?
Well, here's the thing, Jews, they say,
let's start here.
Run, first of all, we say, let's start here. Run.
First of all, we'll start where I left off.
Three percent in this country.
We run the country.
Three percent does not run the country.
If they did, it doesn't say a lot for the other 97%.
The wasp and the Catholic church have the power in this country.
But you're not going after the power.
You're going after a small, it's easier to build.
Did the Jewish people run the banks? No, are you crazy? You're not going after the power. You're going after a small, it's easier for the bills.
People run the banks.
No, are you crazy?
They couldn't even work at Chase Manhattan in the 70s.
They wouldn't even allow to work in it.
Jews started their own businesses
because they couldn't work anywhere else.
And their main business was Hollywood.
In a capitalistic society, it's business.
No one says Italians were in construction,
Japanese were in auto business,
but it's always the Jews run the entertainment business.
Guess what, just enough money in the African-American community
where they could start their own distribution,
ships, their own studios, pointing the finger,
you're pointing through back at yourself.
Just because we got ahead in that business.
I hate that, I hate that thing.
I know, I know.
He was feeling it though, he had a rhythm.
But he uses that finger thing and I look at his fingers.
I was gonna wait to smash him on it
because it is unacceptable.
Okay, don't like this thing.
He should never use any analogy with fingers.
Listen to me.
You point one finger out, that 17 rings back at yourself. Okay.
The other thing is the other thing, Jews have won more Nobel prizes for medicine.
Right. So they control medicine. Now they don't control it. They saved lives. It wasn't for us.
You fucking have polio jackass. I mean your eye does but your whole body
Fucking polio eye. So
I don't care what you like
It's a fork, hairbrush. So, you know, more technology has come out of fucking Israel and from the Jews.
Right.
So your aliens?
So yes.
We control the, what, the Catholic Jews.
What do you think about that?
What do you think of the Anunnaki theory that the Jews are actually aliens that built the
pyramids and not just human form?
You just stopped his brain when you said Anunnaki.
I know. He dids. He thinks that there's pictures of them inside of the pyramids drawn in high-roquelific
If you listen to the Israelites, they were the original Jews
That's right. They say on a knocky is what he orders at a Chinese restaurant. I know it
I have more faith in them in the in the Israelites lifting hard rock than they do in class and Jews. I was out there in the street one day in a year
Yellen we were the first on them. I go well what went wrong?
Well, if you were the first what I would love to see a black guy with a human belt beat the shit out of
With a staff. Yeah, I'm're so happy. But then he just
smashes him and had read. So, uh, yeah, I got lost on that. But look, this world on your
own could not in the plane could not survive without the Jews. They couldn't do it. They
couldn't do it. All right. We could. not, but it's worth a try, right?
They tried it.
They tried it.
We always come back.
Hang on, Kanye.
They know.
Wow.
It's Christ.
Does anybody have any lotion?
Oh, no, we don't.
Mike, I think does.
He's going to go guess on.
Oh, Michael, please don't get him any first.
Ashie elbow.
No, I want to. He's gonna go guess on. No, Michael, please don't get him any first ashi elbow.
No, I wanna talk more about cartoons.
Um, I wanna talk about your, your, your albums.
You had two, what was it?
Seven is Roman numerals.
What's the other Roman numo?
Five.
Well, you know, what are going backwards at seven?
Yeah.
Then when I saw Hamilton, then five, five is voice and a V.
Five.
All right.
Can you, do you know how what the other Roman numerals are?
Yeah.
What are they?
What's what is what is four?
What is four?
Yeah.
Three ones is four or one before five is four.
That's it.
Okay.
What is six?
One after five is six.
Two after five is seven. What is eight?
Three after five. What's nine? Four after five or one before X?
What is 10? What is 10? Yeah. My counting in my books.
All right, you knew. Yeah.
My, someone on my staff didn't think you knew.
Why would someone your staff, what these fucking morons?
They're questioning me.
They're autistic.
They know everything about math and language.
Yeah, dude, drop a book of matches, see what happens.
I'll take you and have four girls. How many will fuck you? None. No, I'm gonna drop a book of matches, see what happens. I'll take you and have four girls. How many will fuck you?
None.
No, I'm sorry.
That's not your camera.
That's your camera.
I was looking at the light.
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't,
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can There was no lotion. So five, what's four?
What was four?
What's four?
Your album.
What's the fourth album?
Okay, it was one.
Tell us one.
I'm killing here.
Right.
Two is live from Philly.
Three is still empty inside.
Four is 141 IQ.
Five is five.
Six is one I saw Hamilton. And seven is a is a Roman and you have another one coming out right no
I've never released that special that you did at the rehab
It was at a convention. It's coming out next month. What's that what's that what's that? I think it's called a non
I don't know that'll be stale be eight. That'll be your next one album. Yeah, but that's a lot of material. That's on these album
Oh, okay, I taped it five fucking years ago.
Yeah, let me, I'm just gonna.
What are you putting it out on?
He's putting it out on his, that, uh, which,
Oh, the stand.
The stand.
Yeah, yeah.
So it'll be on like Pluto and Roku and stuff.
Nice.
So, and that's a, uh, uh, recovering.
Yeah, there's a lot of recovering material in it.
Cause I did a 12-stub convention. Right. It was a lot of fun. in it's i did a twelve-studd convention
right it was a lot of fun my backdrop is so fucking cool i saw it it's yours. So they're going to put it on his site,
dead, he's starting with, you know, it's their own streamer, right? Yeah. All right. So, you know,
and I want to do your idea what you said. Quit the business. That's that too. But a lot of my stuff
from these albums have not been on TV. So I want to do a special, the best of these albums.
So here we kill.
I mean, these are all killer bits.
And then throw it on YouTube.
Yeah, probably.
Throw it on fucking YouTube.
Where are you gonna do it?
Can I produce it?
Can I produce it?
Can I produce it?
Can I direct it?
Yeah, but you know it's so weird.
And I could be, I'm probably 100% wrong.
I don't know why a comic who's doing a special
needs a director.
Tell me, because I don't know,
I just want to get 20% out of it.
Typically, if you get it,
I mean, the reason why I've done it is
because that director simultaneously edits
and shapes it, like with me.
Oh, well then just get it edited.
Right, but that's what a director of a specialist.
And also they pick out the shots, they make sure everything is like,
I'll do that.
And I fucked up.
I think you'd, if who Davidson could do it, you could do it.
I'm gonna do it really.
He pre-directed Paul Verzies.
Oh, he did?
Who did?
Pete Davidson.
I would probably get Bonnie to direct it, because that's what she does.
I don't think she has the time.
I mean, there's no way.
I don't think she'd do it. She's like, no, I'm busy.
Have Bobby do it.
The fuck is sad.
Your wife's so busy.
And now I'm going to start doing like everybody.
Fuck it.
I'm going to start putting up crowd war clips
because I got some funny ones.
What?
I mean, I think it's at the end of this, though, right?
The crowd war.
The crowd war?
Yeah, not me.
I think we're at the end.
I'm at a whole nother level. Because now people are turning work. The crowd work? Yeah, not me. I think we're at the end.
I'm at a whole nother level.
Because now people are turning on it.
Now people are starting to be like, what the fuck?
This is just crowd work shit.
Yeah.
Am I wrong?
No, I don't think you're wrong.
I just don't know.
I mean, I do that to plug dates and put out stuff just to remain consistent.
Hopefully continue to grow the audience.
But in terms of like creating content, content, the longer the YouTube stuff is more fun for me,
because then you get to do a vlog or a doc series or go somewhere and fucking film yourself
doing something like that. How is that doing, though? Not great. Not great, to be honest.
You lost me at Grammacy. I think the vlog thing is dead too, right?
Maybe. I think it depends on the subject matter.
Like, the people seem to like my Alaska series.
Again, it's a small amount of people that are watching it,
but the people that watch it like it.
That's something.
So it's keeping engaged with your audience
while trying to find the next thing.
Were you working up in Alaska?
Yeah, yeah, I did Chilku Charleys and I did the Whisilla.
How long does it take to fly there?
14 hours.
Well, we had two connections.
It was Nightmare.
Nightmare. What kind of plane?
I mean, a fucking chicken plane. It was insane.
Wow. Did they have nice eyes?
They tried to mock you.
Yeah, the chicken was pretty good.
Did you get turned on?
That's right. Oh, have you ever seen that video of a guy holding a chicken and fucking?
No, fucking white. That's a tough watch.
Can we, can we bring that up?
No, there's no reason to see that. Huh? It's illegal, right? Yeah, it's on live league. But there's really that
someone's done that. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that. What was your what was your
chicken wearing? Fish nets lipstick. It's so fucking gross. That's why they fucking
ate it for dim sum the next day. It was fun. I just fucking people are just fucking have you ever been to a cock fight?
Yeah, I have to know.
Oh, you mean I've never been a lot of those.
I've been to the I lost I use my dick been to Brazil.
Yeah, I've been in a jewelry haul in the shower trying to get my fight my way out of the shower.
Yeah, you're gonna fight with that pointer.
Oh, we got it. Oh, you're gonna fight with that pointer. Oh
We got it. Oh, you should little fingers
That's that's that's it. I made that
It's so funny because for such a
What's going on Bobby?
She's 15. Yeah weird transition, but okay
I'll ask her to do something and she won't even say I'll say like you want to go to the gym with me instead of saying no, she just goes like this.
With her finger to me, she's like, no, she won't even talk. I think a relationship you guys have.
That's interesting.
She's funny.
She doesn't use vocal.
No, I'm cleaning her room.
She just talks to you like Steven Segal.
That's great.
That's the relationship I want with my kid.
Have a great relationship with my older daughter. You know, your kid hates you.
Are you fucking mad? No, I'm very happy right now. I'm enjoying the show.
Your kid, your kid Reina, what's not in the do you?
You're fucking 15. She wants as much to do with me as a 15 year old. Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying at this point. They're just like
Hold on, what color? Oh boy. It's gonna be tough. Yeah, hold on. We think it's asking what she thinks about Nala from Lion King
She's like hot. Yeah, it's all the talk relax
No, no Jason can't even rib this.
If we had anything on the test.
Hey, can you hear me?
I'm on Bobby's podcast, right?
And he said you don't love me.
Do you love me?
Ah!
Ah, thank you.
Hang up.
Who's your favorite teller truth favorite what father?
Who's your favorite father?
Wow she got Bonnie's funny
Thank God
Hey, I'm in love with Bobby. She tells me at home
What's that yeah, I got him a Christmas gift.
Yeah, so what does that mean? He's my friend.
You're a white, some Christmas gift.
You piece of shit. Last year I got a fucking Rolex.
And this year I got her gifts too. What are you saying, Rayna?
saying right now. That hurt that hurt. I mean even she's unknown that one. What's wrong with you? Clean your room. Goodbye. I love you. Bye. She hates you. I love you. I mean not really. Yeah,
there is nothing more hurtful though than you going to press hang up
and the buzzer already going,
just bap bap bap bap.
Yeah.
She said fucking cool.
Yeah, so great.
You see how pretty she is now.
All right, what are you doing?
Come on.
I don't want to look at your daughter.
It's great.
Let me see.
Come on.
Let me see.
Let me see how hot my son is.
I don't want to look. I'll hop my son is
She looks like a French model. I mean yeah, we should have them reenact that scene with the Lions max on her
Yeah, she's very pretty. She's a very pretty girl. Yeah, she seems like a nice young lady with a lot of promise
I'm telling you out of all out of all my daughter
What is it From the movie taken
She has a lot to promise no three spin around
Why are you looking at me mad?
He doesn't even know what talking about he's fucking tuned out an hour ago
To know where he is I turned out in the tunnel. He needs more soup. Anyways, I don't even know how long have we done?
Two hour and a half.
I have so many questions for you guys.
I got questions from the fans a lot.
I got a lot of questions for you guys.
The fans really like you guys,
which fuck him really crazy.
Canon, again, playing at the Grammacy
on February 25th, get your tickets, man.
You watch this get your tickets.
He's a hammer.
Not too many, look, there's a lot of funny young guys
coming up that are funny.
You kill, you kill like, we kill.
You know, maybe like my friends kill. I mean what I mean, like my friends kill.
I mean, I mean, you just bang, bang, bang, and you don't stop.
I mean, they'll do an hour and 20.
I'm not gonna do it.
I'll work it.
I'll never.
I'll work it.
You know, do 55.
Yeah, yeah.
See where your ass is.
We've got.
And I wanna know what you,
because we were talking about that I said before,
we were talking about the bonfire, how you end your set.
Right.
I end my set and I didn't know how awful it was
until we talked about it.
What do you say?
I say, all right, that's all my time.
You guys, you know me, I love it.
You guys who don't, now you fucking do.
See you later.
Oh no.
Yeah, it sounds bad now, but it's cool at the show.
That's your pitch.
That's my thing at the end.
Wow.
Jesus, awful.
Jay says, hey, I want to thank everybody.
If it wasn't for you, I'd be pumping gas in a gas station.
I don't know, it's so long.
I say sorry.
You should.
I didn't even realize we were supposed to give a speed.
What do you say?
No, I'm supposed to, but what do you say?
I literally just say like thank you and good night.
Yeah, that's that too. Yeah, exactly. I like slink off
I just say by the fucking CD or shirt. I need the money
Rice yeah, I plug my shit and I head to the
Lobby you say you have saying I'm just like I'll be taking pictures. I'm looking for friends right up front
No, you're playing a fucking theater. You need a saying. I usually say
If you learn I can go I hometown he says this I say
If you learn what did I say?
You know if you learn anything stay in school. Yep, cuz I'm stupid
I go and if I offended you in any way should perform you have no idea how much I don't give a fuck
That's his thing, at the end.
I guess mine, you don't like mine?
No.
What's that?
He opened his eyes for that.
I mean, that was the most serious I've ever seen
my candidate in my life.
He went, no.
He, hey, do you like fucking kids?
No.
No, I don't care for it.
I don't care.
No, do you like my saying at the end?
No.
Wow.
You gotta say something.
What's a good idea?
I was thinking to change your mind to this.
I'm Robert Kelly.
Bang, bang!
Well, that should be mine, because it canon.
I've been my cannon.
Boom!
Yeah, kaboom.
Dude, you gotta say something.
We gotta come up with something. I like kaboom. You have you gotta say something. We gotta come up with something.
I like kaboom.
You have to do it.
Okay.
You have to do it.
All right.
So, all right, you're at the end.
Thank you.
You just killed the places you don't have to say thank you.
Thank you New York City.
This means the most to me.
My dad didn't make it, but I'm trying.
He had prostate cancer.
I'm gonna go get checked in two weeks. I met in
show business but that also worked. Wow. Is he dead? No. Oh, no. Somebody died
with a bang on their side. He said he didn't make it. He didn't say dies. Now that
was my grandpa. Well, if he shit down his khakis once at dinner when I was like
eight, I remember it's so clearly.
It was like one of the most humiliating experiences
I've ever seen somebody go through.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, your dad wasn't at all.
We laughed hard.
Like my dad started laughing at him
and then I laughed at him
and then everybody started laughing at him.
He shit down his pants.
Yeah, like because it spilled out of his fucking-
Alastamie bag?
Yeah, yeah.
See, that's why he should have gotten a Louis Vuitton bag.
You would've cared for it more.
I wouldn't.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's like buying real Ray Bans.
Do they have rich people collostomy bags with an LV on it?
Yeah, in it attaches.
I worked at a sub shop, DeAngelo's in Boston, delivering.
And one of the guys was like an old guy,
but had problems like,
hey, you know, like he was, was it normal? Wasn't mentally challenged, but wasn't right.
Right. And one day of Rush came in, lunch Rush came in. I'm delivery. He's the cooker.
He makes the subs. And he's not there. And I'm taking all these orders. Finally, I'm like,
what the fuck? And I go, hey, whatever his name was, Gary. I go, Gary.
And he opens the door and he goes, I need you help.
And I go, what the fuck?
I mean, line out the door.
And I run over his callostomy bag.
Fucking bursted.
And it was all over the fucking bathroom.
And you know me.
I just went, yeah.
So this line of people is like, what?
I'm going to hit, they just laugh.
They just laugh and they just laugh and they just laugh.
I'm like, what are you want me to do?
I can't, and he's like, I need a mop.
I need you to get the mop,
because the mop was in the kitchen.
It wasn't in the toilet.
Oh my God.
So I had to go to the mop and buck it and wheel it into,
it was a fucking nightmare.
We lost probably $7,000.
So.
Oh, what the fuck?
Colostomy bags.
It's tough life.
That is tough life.
Your dad was an entertainer.
He was an actor.
My father was an actor when I was born.
And what?
He was like, well now,, if you wanna pull up his,
he has a commercial.
It's old person Tinder.
It's like our time, I think it's called.
And my father is one of the spokesmen for that.
But he was in like commercials and he had like bit parts
and fucking soap operas.
What does he do now?
He was a, then he transitioned to stock broker.
He did like pump and dump shit.
I watched one of his fellow co-workers get carted out
by the FBI when I was visiting.
It was boiler room shit.
Yeah, yeah, it was awesome.
And then he moved, then he did it legit
and like did okay, then lost everything when it all collapsed.
Is this it?
I'd probably, yeah.
Are, is that him?
No. Let us find out if he has seen this he is this one yes maybe but you'll see him
oh there she is
our time
now i don't think this is the one
now that's that's for your age
that's our time there is
your college black
that's just a jiffy kevin jankens that's what that I'm happy to be back up our time. You're Polish black? Yeah, I was Mr. Jefferson.
Kevin Jenkins, that's my dud.
What?
Oh.
What's up?
Let's see, bring it up.
I'm so interested in this.
It's fun.
Dude, weirdly enough, I did crowd work to some couple,
old couple that met on the app.
And like as I'm doing it, I'm like cutting the clip
in my head of like interspacing my dad's commercial
with this really a bit of crowd work.
And it went nowhere and I just bombed.
No, that was like the most pointless interaction.
Did you find it?
There's a lot of different ones.
All right, well bring one up. Is his name? There's one with his name. All right, do interaction. Did you find it? There's a lot of different ones. All right, well, bring one up.
Is his name?
There's one with his name.
All right, do it.
What's his name?
Kevin.
Kevin what?
Canon.
Oh, sorry.
So he's real dad.
He's my dad.
Oh, okay.
He's still married to your mom?
No, no.
You're divorced?
Yeah, she's not going to have any kind of male actor.
What happened?
Still very much in love with her though, yeah.
Does he live locally?
Did you see him growing up?
So, well, we had people have heard about all this,
but we've had like a violent shitty relationship
our whole lives, and then once I had a kid,
it kind of dissipated more or less.
I let go of a lot of shit.
He is more feeble and not as menacing as he once was.
So I, and my son looks like him sometimes, and I see him cry and he looks like my dad.
And that makes me think of my dad as an impressionable baby that was abused and traumatized into
being the violent fucking lunatic he is.
So that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,
that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,
that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, Yeah, make it big wait stop stop
Make that big oh shit your dad open for me
Your daddy don't fill it your daddy fill him she more often
Go go back if he's shit go back to the beginning Oh, look at all uncomfortable
When was he medicine
Look at all uncomfortable
When was he medicine
I'm embarrassed of my son sorry
You dad is me if I grew my hair back. That's why we had issues you and I
My god, yeah, oh look at him now playing again. I gotta see it again
Oh, Sherry is a young
I should daddy Oh, Sherry is a young. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid.
I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a look. It's easy to take a look. It's not even an app. It's a website. That's such a dad. You can't probably
probably try to get that grill.
What are you guys gonna do with this?
Ah, yes.
What are you doing with the grill after?
You guys have fries?
Motherfucker. Wow, man.
Jesus.
Yeah, well, since I started...
Is he a method actor?
Sure is.
Once we started, or once I started doing like,
even moderately okay and comedy in the sense of like,
just getting booked.
In two months.
From now.
Two of my uncles started doing stand up.
And my dad went back to acting.
Yeah, because it's like classic Irish support.
It's like, they still doing stand up.
I can do it. One of one of my uncles Billy was doing a
podcast with with fucking Mark Demayo for a while. Because he's a cop. Yeah. Yeah. Uncle
was a cop. A humorless homicide detective. Is the podcast up? Probably. Yeah. I don't know.
There's just look at Bill Cannon. Bill Cannon. Yeah. He's a stand up. I like to see. Probably. What's the name of it? I don't know. This is look up Bill Cannon. Bill Cannon.
Yeah, he's a stand up.
I'd like to see.
Yeah.
I would, it would make me so happy if he pops.
I think he's a, you follow.
I would love it if your father booked a pilot
and they put your uncle on it and the other uncle.
Help pop.
Just tell him to change his name to Brendan.
The other one.
We got it.
Thank you. I think I have one of his bits somewhere. Yeah, here it is. You want to hear one of those? Yeah, I Brendan. The other one. We got it. Thank you.
I think I have one of its bits somewhere.
Yeah, here it is.
You want to hear one of those?
Yeah, I do.
I have.
That's 100%.
100%.
Wait on this.
It's about pussy hair.
Great.
I love it.
Well, 61 is the 50 one they say, right?
And I work out all the time so I can stay trim.
So I can get some trim.
Do you all any else know what that is?
Trim is pussy, right?
Because back in the day, you just shaved the sides, you know?
Puss the word trim.
I never do that.
Now, you shaved the entire genitalia,
so maybe you should call pussy bald.
He dies?
Get some of that bald shit.
I mean, can I say something?
I never knew.
I mean, that's a fun fact.
Yeah, I'll be coached a nice little snapple fact.
And so now the word trim has never been in your life.
And so now the word trim has never been in your life
Oh, it's fucking beautifully beautifully done. Oh, yeah, yeah, he wasn't Is that him? Yeah, that's right. Let's see this. Oh, God
We actually have similar swollen eyes
I'm standing here by the Jupiter inlet beautiful day
I'm standing here by the Jupiter inlet. Beautiful day.
Both coming in and out.
The inlet's not too rough today, but...
This makes me a lot of kill myself.
I'll just get some focus on it.
Keep it on.
Keep it on.
This way you can see the inlet.
I wish the boat could cooperate.
Come in, as I'm talking to you.
He has the charisma of cancer. I like him. I like him. Have a
month. Thank you so much. Well, tune it in. That's right. Does he go to class? How many
how many likes? I don't know. I don't even know if he's doing state. How many how many
views? A hundred likes is 115. Dude, he's got more views than fuck, I'm sagging love.
That's what I'm saying.
He, there you go.
He started and when my wife was eight and a half months pregnant,
he woke me up at like 7.31 morning,
sending me like all this information
about how the Central Park Five is actually guilty.
Like just out of nowhere, racist, crazy shit.
And I'm just like, yeah, man, I'm cool.
Like, I kind of have a big moment to prepare for.
Like, I'm good on this.
And he's like, no, no, you don't understand.
And then like, showed me an interview with him.
And this guy, Eric, is it's...
I forget what his last name is,
but he was this old XNYPD cop
that used to pay five dollars,
get shit-faced at O'Hanlon's
and just scream racial slurs.
And this guy also got written up in the
end in the New York post because he was at a bar. He got.
He got. He got. He got. He didn't have his own show, but he was at a bar or an open
mic. It would actually kill. It's probably pretty riveting. They have good guests. Like,
if you're into cops shit, you'd'd probably like it but they stopped doing it 10
months ago so you want to check out the library but they uh what was I just talking about?
hot head
Europe oh so that guy that that comic that comic that was an ex-cop that was also in this thing proving
the central park vibes guilt he uh he got so blacked out at this bar, he went to the bathroom to throw up, put his service revolver, like on the sink,
continued to throw up, walked back to the bar, just like drinking, felt his pockets, was like, oh shit, went back to the bathroom, his gun was gone.
Mark? Mark? No, not Mark, not Mark. No, not my uncle either, just this other guy Yeah, yeah Mark no marks a good guy. Here's how fucking annoyed I am
Advos you I have you get to this whole thing about this you got all over the end of
The story we fucked you up a bunch of times you kept going you forgot it you found your way back
And then it's worth it like he left his gun on top of the toilet and it's gone and he went
Is it Mark? I didn't know what he was talking about.
Shut up, that's not the point.
The point is the guy left his fucking gun on a toilet and he went and he came back and
it was gone.
I'm glad you cleared Mark's name though because I didn't want to make it.
I didn't want to say.
I was doing clear my friend's name.
That's right.
The row.
The throw.
The sigil.
The sigil.
I don't understand this fucking bar guest.
What?
All right, we got to wrap this up.
We get, we have questions.
Can I write some questions, guys? Yeah, why not? Why not? But fans love wrap this up. We get, we have questions. Can I write some questions guys?
Yeah, why not?
Why not?
Fans love you guys.
That's nice.
I love them.
All right, here we go.
Fetch AC.
Is in the room.
Not you.
I don't understand his first question.
Can you read the first question there?
Yeah.
What does it mean?
Would you say you brought it today on YKWD?
This is to you.
To me?
You and you.
We're gonna ask you first though.
Would I say, I think I tried.
I really tried.
I think you did a great job.
Thanks man.
All right, what about you?
You know, with funny moments, me and Mike,
I love doing this podcast when Mike because we get each other. That's right.
There's real love here. I hope you both feel it. I really love both of you. It's like a crazy. I don't even see that my kids.
Sorry, Mike.
Why'd you just twirl your hair?
I know. I forgot. That was a total natural reaction. Wow. Jesus.
like to be down that was a total natural reaction. Wow.
Jesus.
What?
What?
No.
What the fuck?
You're right.
Focus boss turned me down like my dad and then came the shoulder grab.
Your father's not even that intimidated.
Dude, my dad, he's a big dude.
He's 6 to 280.
Big mother fuck.
He doesn't look like that.
And he's the smallest of his brothers.
All of his brothers are like 6, 5, 3, 300 plus.
Yeah. Your father was a problem back in the day. And he's the smallest of his brothers all of his brothers are like six five three hundred plus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Your father was a problem back in the day. My dad was a he's still could probably be a problem
But you know he died doing it. He's dead. No
I what's the next question please?
Jason
Fips, Fips, Jason Fips. I thought it's on an affordable watch, watch, dos and don'ts.
What?
He's asking about a watches,
because me and you are into watches.
I'm bored with watches.
I went to one a new jewelry store,
so if you get it, call me.
But what are you trying to get?
Yacht master.
Well, the affordable watch,
you don't like watches, do you?
I don't like jewelry. You know what't like what I got I got a Apple watch
But I got the deployment ban look at that. That's cool. What's that?
Let's see I made this into a like a like a fancy the Apple watch into a fancy watch
But if you have such nice Rolexes, why would you slum it with that watch? Well, I read the vitals
Yeah, because this is for like get I'm in the city all day on Tuesday
and I'm walking, taking the subway,
and I need to have all that information on it.
You can do it on your phone, huh?
All that on your phone, who's still wearing a nice watch.
I'm not against it.
Well, I'm on the subway, too.
I don't want to be rolling on the subway.
I was on the subway this morning.
Well, but maybe I had to be trash and taking the subway.
But go ahead.
What do you mean trash and taking a subway?
Trash. Anyways, I mean he's he's he's talking like bumpy Johnson.
You see had you seen taking a subway? Have you seen the third?
Yeah, fuck it.
Fuck up. Have you seen the next season?
It started. Okay. Of what?
Can I finish my story? This is why boss makes me want to jump out of fucking window and bounce back up
I was on the subway today and I heard I was coming you know you have like you take this subway But you're gonna go up here and over there to get out so I'm doing that all of a sudden I hear in the distance
Mother fucker fuck that. Oh fuck who you think am. You think I'm a mother fucker,
and I literally went on the wrong train
because I just didn't wanna go the way I was supposed to go
because that's where the mother fucker was going.
I went, I just went up and went on the,
walked on the other train and went down a stop
and then jumped on it because I didn't wanna deal
with whatever person that was screaming
with them. Huh? Just agree with them. What do you mean? If someone's mother fucking
go, yeah, I'm not fucking me too. He was losing juice. These motherfucking juice. Yeah,
they stink. All right. Thanks for the fucking. I think the next watch I'm getting, it was
actually very affordable. And it's an Omega Speedmaster, the Moon Watch.
That's what I want, I want a Moon Watch.
What does that mean?
It's what?
Actually, that's a nice watch.
I, what is that?
It's a Omega is a cheaper company.
It's not as expensive of Rolexes.
But what is the Moon aspect?
It's the first watch that was NASA approved
to go on the Moon.
It was the first watch up in space.
That's the watch that the...
Like special screws.
No, it's, it's, especially made to survive in space
if it really happened.
Yeah, it went all the way into studio two age.
Yeah, it was a wonderful one.
Yeah, it's so funny.
If that comes out that that was all horseshit,
this watch is done.
I think it is.
Cause why wouldn't like China is apparently
like making moves to own the moon?
That's like the newest thing.
And we are in no, seemingly no rush to match their space race.
It's as if how did we forget all the technology
that got us there?
I don't understand.
Oh, did we forget it?
No, we just not into owning the dumb moves.
We're still dumping money in Tanasah.
But yeah, but we're going to Mars.
We're on Mars.
So are they.
Yeah, but we're on Mars first.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I don't know anything, but you know,
I just feel like it's weird that we haven't been back.
Well, because dude, Megatron is up there.
And yeah.
You know what I mean?
I'm not fucking going up there with Megatron. We
don't know where any of the fucking the decepticons are up there. They what's the good ones, Mike?
The Autobots haven't shown themselves in years. I think the moon is a sentient being. I think
you smoke too much weed and do too many mushrooms. And I wish your father arrested you as a child. Fuckin' sentient being.
What's the next question?
So my advice to you, do one of two things.
Get yourself a tutor, which is the sister company of Rolex,
very cheap, or get yourself a Omega.
Omega's a great guy.
Or get a good one, or get a Rolex.
He's saying a cheap, a very cheap one.
Very cheap.
If you want a very cheap watch, you can get a Seiko.
A Seiko.
No, no, I mean, like when you said,
Tudor is the very cheap version of a roll.
How much does that cost?
2000.
A 2000 to 4000.
Okay.
But if you really want to go great watch,
like Holy Shit Watch, get a Seiko.
A Seiko is Japanese watches are,
I mean, they're the best, they're amazing.
And you get a say go for 400 bucks, 500 bucks.
That looks great.
Hey, everybody who's a watch person,
if they see a say go, they're like,
oh, that's a good watch.
You want a nice watch?
Yeah, look at these watch.
You say you want a nice watch.
I, my, and it sounds crazy,
but my Swiss Army watch is a good looking watch.
It's a fun.
Can you leave me one of your watches?
I like what?
Yeah.
Like when you leave your watch.
I'll leave you a watch.
transition.
Casios, a good watch, too.
Casio.
You don't think Swiss Army is a good watch.
It's fine.
I would rather buy a German watch.
What?
No.
I'd rather buy a German Germany makes great cheap watches.
Yeah, especially when you hold your hand up like this, it doesn't fall down your arm.
Yeah.
You have to hold like this in the sun because it's salt.
And I will not be doing that.
Yeah.
Anyways, yeah, German watches go to, all right, what's the next question?
Oh, Crumbum says, are you guys sick of getting asked stupid questions from Bobby's fans?
Oh, fucking so dumb.
It's Crumbum.
It's Crumbum.
He's Crumbum.
He just answered the question.
It's just the Crumbum.
Yeah, well, this is one.
So shut up.
Yeah.
Should have saved that one for last.
I guess, Richard answered it.
I think it's a time, it's the timing question.
I know what he was going for.
He was trying to get a little chuckle, but we did it to her.
It was true rage and a rage. Yeah, but we did it to where it was true rage.
Yeah, we should have did it like the eighth question
and we like really sick of these fucking questions.
Oh, what's the next question?
From Alex, Tanelo, Vosping, Allegion and Crowdwork.
How do you feel about crowd work specials,
especially crowd work specials on edibles?
First of all, I didn't see that person better follow me too.
I do.
Otherwise, it's hurtful.
Yeah, nobody saw you special.
Of course, I did.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I wasn't.
To me, there's.
Oh, whatever.
I, you know, look, try to say something.
There's something.
No, I'm not going to say anything.
But I didn't see Mike's special, but Mike's a great comic.
So I'm sure the special was great special. I didn't see it. I can't see Mike's special, but Mike's a great comic so I'm a sure to special was great special. I
Didn't see it. I can't I just know he's a good comic. I know when it comes to crowd work that none of them touch me or big J
But they're good. They're kids
I mean we need to get some sugar in it. Yeah
I was the next you guys want to do another one? I'm down.
Let's go. Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Get out of here.
No, you can't see it.
Those are the names.
Tom Rutton has boss ever considered actually taking speech lessons, not even joking anymore.
Truly concerned, his pronouncement.
First of all, first of all, say it's a trotious, a trotious, second of all, and I said it perfect. Second of all, I fucking been into business 40 years, seven albums have a fucking list
of credits a mile long.
So guess what, it hasn't held me back.
What?
A list of credits a mile long, it hasn't held me back and guess what?
Yeah.
I'm the man, motherfucker.
Yeah, baby, come on.
Yeah.
Yeah, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss, boss. Yeah.
Thank God.
No need fucking go listen to fucking will do comedy. You want to hear you want to hear a problem?
Stop it. Listen.
Like Bert Reynolds talking to fucking beauty, beauty justice.
All right, here we go.
What's the next one?
Adam Galvest.
What does Rich Foss think about Israel
selling Azerbaijan weapons as it relates to the relationship
with Azerbaijan's close relationship with Turkey
and Azerbaijan's not so close relationship with Armenia
and how these relations also impact Iran
Lebanon in Syria
Come on you wanted to be you wanted to fuck it not the excelent use left their throat that was pretty hurtful
First of all, I don't know they're not so they're not song weapons of turkey
Because turkeys
You think Max? Who did this?
It's really bad with that.
That's what,
Calisrael's not selling weapons to Turkey,
because Turkey's not a friend to Israel,
they're not a friend.
Although Dern,
Yeah, but it's really making money.
Dern, earthquake in Turkey,
Israel was the first country over there
to send them help.
The first one when they had the big earthquake,
I don't know what's going on with arms dealing, you know,
money's money. I don't know. I have no idea. All I know is, fuck Turkey.
More of a ham. When it comes when it comes to anti, you see the Thanksgiving joke. Yeah, sure did.
All right. I hope the whole except it. I was trying to do it in my hand. I didn't have the balls.
I hope the whole except it. I was trying to do one of my heaven. I didn't have the balls
I'm kind of like you. I don't think we're recording anymore So that's why I'm just throwing stuff out there. We're recording. Oh good. Well, we should
Give 25. What was your excuse to first 15 minutes?
15 we can stop whenever you want so I'm gonna I'm gonna give you the option. No, no
I'm saying you're overnight. Do you want to do another question?
Yes, yes, okay. What's the next question? I can he says this is a two-part question
We're gonna do these until you quit
It says boss. Can you unblock a crumbum on Twitter for me and cannon will you block crumbum? Yes
If he's blocked and he deserves it
He's been trying to get unblocked from you. That was the guy who asked the question
about the stupid questions.
On Twitter?
No, the one who just asked the question about the question.
Why does somebody, if they're like,
did you block him?
I'm gonna.
I'm gonna.
I'd probably unblocked him already.
I may be already have.
I haven't.
No, I haven't.
Why is he an asshole?
Did you block him? Uh huh. No, he's a nice guy. He, I haven't. Why is he an asshole? Did you block him?
Uh huh.
No, he's a nice guy.
He's a good fan.
Are you gonna block him?
No, he had to say something.
I can't find him.
Let me see.
Let's, let's, let's, let's block him right now.
Come on, just go to him and I block him.
Why is he?
He's a good guy.
He's a fan.
Look, he gets a little drunk.
He says some stupid stuff.
Yeah, he doesn't mean it.
Do it. Let me see. It doesn't mean it. Do it.
Let me see.
It's gonna take forever.
Can we cut this part and edit it together?
What is it at Crumbum?
Yeah, at Crumbum.
Yeah.
CR-
UMB.
That's you.
She, Bob.
It should be your eighth album, Crumb.
I don't, I can't, Crumbum. Crumb or dud? I can't find you. She should be your eighth album, Crumb. I don't, I can't, Crumb, Bump.
Crumb or dud.
I can't find.
Huh?
How do I say?
This should be the new hour time commercial.
He's right there.
He's right there.
Hang on, let me, let me, let me unblock him.
Let me unblock.
Unblocked.
Crumb, Bump.
You're in.
You are officially unblocked.
Let me see it. What is it? He's unblock I guarantee he now wait wait wait wait wait wait. I guarantee he
last a day and you're gonna follow him. No no no why?
Following him. Look at his face. He looks like a healthy Mike Lawrence.
Are you gonna follow him? Are you gonna block him?
Okay, I am he's unblocked. You're unblocked, crumbum.
I hope he fucking his first message is you.
I guarantee you know what I'm gonna block him. What's easy?
I'm gonna block him. I just hold on.
Come on. No, okay. The guy was out for a day.
Come on. Come on.
No, I think.
Okay.
The guy was out for a day.
I'm not a minute.
Jesus Christ.
All right, next question.
Do you want another question?
I do.
Are we doing more questions?
Yeah.
Have another water.
Let's go.
I just blocked crumb on.
You're losing.
I got a little.
Hi, Alan Hill.
When the subject of Bobby Kelly comes up on other podcasts
that can't has appeared on, he always displays
ferocious loyalty to Bobby.
It's very
endearing how do that develop Mike and can you teach it to Vos?
I bet that's true you're a piece of shit I always fucking talk you up everywhere I go how
funny you are. Talk me down first. No I always say how funny you are. No never.
Well because he's fucking me. I can't even put in words.
Ha, ha, ha.
I always say how funny and what a good person you are.
Answer the question.
Well said, could you start doing he?
I know it.
Repeat the question again, please.
How can Vos be his endearing?
The subject of Bobby Kelly comes up
on other podcasts, Candidazepiradon.
He always displays ferocious loyalty to Bobby.
It's very endearing.
How did he develop that mic?
And can you teach it to Vos?
Oh, and to develop it.
Yeah.
I developed it because Bobby is a good fucking dude
that has been wildly generous with his fan base over the years
and has constantly done everything he can to try to put me over.
So that's and and also has been a good friend on top of it.
So that's why I'll be loyal for forever.
Just a humor we're gonna get at fucking grip.
That's right, I'm gonna just give speeches
on how each person means.
Bobby means a lot.
My father, even though he beaten rate me,
we've come since I've had a baby, closer.
Okay.
He's like real stuff against me. I was terrible. I was gonna, I was gonna jump in on it. I've had a baby closer I
was gonna jump in on
I felt terrible wait, I'm sorry
Are we doing another question yes
We're getting along now though
Mike let me hold the baby
Daddy why you beat me
What is happening stop it stop it hurts
Father why will we curse with low nipples? I can't open my eye. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, played it last year, but he didn't sell it out.
Thank you very much for selling it out.
Bumble!
Bumble!
Bumble!
Bumble!
Bumble!
That's the end thing.
That is how I get off.
What's the next question?
Why didn't mean to hurt you, sorry.
No, it's great.
What's the brilliant joy of it?
Wait, you know him.
Don't you know my uncle? Yeah, that's great. What's it really enjoy it? Wait, you know him. Don't you don't you know my uncle?
Yeah, that's right. Okay
But scared. Yeah, sorry I pointed at you so I gotta eat this way. So let's
Zach where would you both rank Robert Kelly on the list of current comedians top seven ifty or lower top what?
50 Top what yeah, he's being funny. I didn't hear about saying, instead of saying top 10, he's saying top 750, which is kind of funny.
He's giving me the...
Well, Boston make the list of a thousand, right?
Every year.
My mailman did.
Whatever, we're going to do that.
We don't appease those. No, also who cares? that. We don't appease those.
No, also who cares?
No, I don't get what you're saying.
I can't.
You come see me live, you're like holy shit, you know.
It's fun.
You watch my special, you're like, yeah, that's all right.
Wow, that's not Louis.
Live.
Anyways, I don't know how to answer that question.
What's the one?
Ask it again.
Yes, Bobby's in my top 750 comedians living.
Yeah, we're in Cobb, Robert Kelly.
Living.
Living with the comedians, top 750 or lower.
Yeah, where would I be in your top 750?
You where would you be?
Yeah.
It's just counting guitar acts.
Yes.
Oh.
You're in, for me, my top 10 favorites. Really? It's just counting guitar acts. Yes. Oh.
You're in, you're in for me, my top 10 favorites.
Really?
Well, you're in my, I mean, stop.
I go with, I go with stop.
I go with stop.
Yes, stop.
Yes.
You're in my top nine.
Top nine.
Yeah.
I'll take that.
That's crazy.
I'm going eight.
One through three.
There you go.
I'm top three.
Boom, I like you better than I like me.
So I'm back in the top one 750.
All right, we got one more question.
Do you want it or not?
Yes.
This is how you cut a little kid, father.
What?
What?
What?
I'm teaching my dad at a hug.
I can't.
Michael, I'm sorry.
Michael, this is hurting me.
I haven't seen my dad in the flu.
Oh my god.
That's awesome.
This is bad.
It hurts, but it's funny.
It's such a mean asshole.
I'm so glad your father said this is how you cut a little baby to happy.
You gotta teach dad how to be.
Oh.
Do you get your dad to catch it like a bit?
Christmas.
What's this?
Let's go in the backyard.
I'll show you that.
I said that to a, there was a father and something to know what he's like,
Oh, would you try to do catch up on time?
You guys gonna have a catch after the show?
Oh, shit. Tell one, the father,
did you help him read to get that audition?
No, that was before we were talking.
Just spaghetti read what you dad.
All right, go dad.
Hey, how you doing?
You know, it's crazy. Hey, how you doing?
You know, it's crazy.
You never know, right?
I don't, what do I do with my hands?
Yeah, do it again, but put your hands down.
Look right at me.
Go to the beginning of the commercial again,
because he's literally standing like he doesn't know
what to do with his limbs.
He's like, I'm a man.
Like freak out.
He knows what to do with him when you don't clean the kitchen. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha This is why my podcast is not popular. It's not to me. If you watch The Ovan, they have to look at me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I know.
Oh.
Hey.
Oh.
It looks like they're like Kevin.
Just separate your arms a little bit from your body.
Fucking John Wayne Gacy's your dad.
Just standing the way no living comfortable man would.
Oh, Jesus.
He's not used to having two shirts on.
Oh, this whole thing is throwing them off.
Oh, holy stuff.
What are you, what's all this grill stuff?
What's going on?
Oh, God, dude.
My dad's just eating the fourth burger.
Is this for us?
Hey, can I take this home?
What are you guys doing with this tupperware? You throwing this out, right? Hey, could I take this home? What are you guys doing with this tough way?
You throwing this out, right?
Oh, God.
God bless you, dad.
I'm glad you guys have back to you.
Me and my dad, he's out somewhere,
and we don't talk.
And I kind of bummed him out
because he would love Max.
And Max would love to have a grandfather,
but it just ain't happening.
Yeah, my wife's parents were,
I had her when they were 72.
She only had fucking four years with them.
Yeah, holy shit.
No, I'm kidding, I'm lying.
Oh.
Oh, it was like, wow, that's sad.
No.
Well, if my son and my dad get along really well,
my son loves them, but if he doesn't have my dad
at least he has my radicalized father in law, so that's cool.
Take up arms.
Yeah.
Were you good off the phone boss?
Oh, sorry.
Get off the phone boss.
You're like a shitty Karen in the front row.
We're done.
We got one more question.
Oh, okay.
Are you in for it or not?
Yes, I'm here.
I'm here. I'm here.
All right, let's go.
Motherfucking nature says, would you rather have a female
centaur or mermaid?
Also the reverse versions of fish with human legs instead
of fins and horse head with human legs?
Just do a better one.
No, I like that.
That's the last one.
I like this one.
The thing is, where is the vagina on the mermaid?
That's a good question.
Is it both, can you enter it from both sides of the fin?
No, I would say you're going to, you're going to enter it from the back on a mermaid.
From the back and it's a peel to open.
It's, well, you have to, you have to caress the scales on your bum upwards.
Yeah.
And then it will open up like a, like a blowhole.
It's like pulling a specific book in the shelf swings around.
You have to go upwards this way on the left cheek
and then it will open up.
I hope he's dead.
I hope he's dead.
If he dies, we're gonna leave him there.
We're just gonna do a podcast everyone with him there.
It's gonna be mummifies.
And then I'm gonna, I'm gonna put patrisis hat on them.
What would you rather have boss what?
I'll have my father in his
I like Mike's dad
I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I Leah Cohen, Joey Antrobus, Tyler Henry, Nick, DJK, Sahar. That's it.
I don't do these.
Manny, Tony, Severo, Matt Jeff Charles, John Wengle, Ash C. And we got Sam, Jeremy Adam, Shaq, Alex Tanale, Hassan,
Abed Debid, Alisa Cobb.
I'm going to Louis CK dot com by my album on my special right now directed by the great Louis CK if you don't like me you know you like him
That's right. So go check it out add it to your cart buy some other stuff up there go to comicwearables dot com
Use cover
Cover ladybugs, and I'm sorry big spawn Ronald Kerwick, T steel. Oh, alpha G gene.
You guys thank you for your member of the Patreon.
I am gonna be all over the place.
Naples, Florida.
I'm gonna be at Belmore, New York, Buffalo, New York,
Toronto, Ontario.
Oh, and what the fuck is that?
I'm gonna be in Michigan.
I'm all over the place.
Man, go to robbercannonlive.com.
Come see us live.
Come see us all live.
You got Danny, you got Max, you got Joe Russell,
you got Mike Suarez, the mush, you get the whole crew.
Rich Vos, the legend, Mike Cannon, the 25th.
Where are you going to be?
This weekend I'll be in Plano, Texas at the House of Comedy.
Next weekend, the comedy store in La Jolla,xas in la hoia calif sandy a go
don't don't end the show keep watching we're out
l uh... la hoia
then i'll also be uh... left up a kibsy
go to richforce dot com
by my fucking shirts
okay and that's it that's all i got i mean i you know look it
he falls apart what's that it was good it was was good. It was good. It was a good
boss appearance. It was a good great appearance. So go get some food. Let's do something.
What are you saying? Feenie's shooting a special downstairs.
Let's go say hi. Where? Yeah, sure. In all the rooms.
I'm sure Liz is happy about that.
Sure. Sure.
That she's she's audience coordinating. She's so happy.
I'm sure I'm li- She's already on score, Nading.
She's so happy.
Mark and Fanny.
God bless Fanny, you guys are the best.
Make sure you're at Mike Feastwara's Danny, what are you?
Danny Brath, that Danny Brath, the cheese show at jokes,
Russell, Max, what are you?
Max Marcus comedy.
I want you to write down everybody's stuff
and say it next time so you can get it right into the mic, okay?
Joe killed opening at Uncle Vinnie's.
Dude, Joe's killing.
They're all fucking, except for last week,
they got me in trouble at the pussycat.
Why they went on stage?
Mushstick grade.
Daddy kinda ate a hot one.
I got a fucking, I got a bag comment card.
I got fucking yelled at.
Who did?
Yeah.
Why, what's his name did good tonight?
Russell's killing it. I don't know what he's telling it. He did well. He did? Yeah. Why? Uh, what's his name? Did good tonight? I wrestles killing it. I don't know what she's telling me. He did well. He did
all right. I mean, killing if, you know, I mean, killing for him.
You guys argue who's the worst?
We'll see you guys. Thank you. Shut up. Come watch me.
Thank you, shout out. Come watch me.
You guys, we'll see you guys next time.
I hope you enjoyed the episode.
Please subscribe, like, comment, patreon.com,
slash Robert Kelly, support the show.
Going up there for a price, a cup of coffee up there.
You guys are the best fans of the world.
Thanks for listening, spread the word.
You know what, dude, we'll see you next week. con Bolotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan.
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