Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Rudders | Kerryn Feehan, Mike Cannon, Brendan Sagalow, Ian Fidance, Ian Lara

Episode Date: March 6, 2022

This week Kerryn Feehan subs in for Robert Kelly with a full house! Brendan Sagalow, Mike Cannon, Ian Lara and Ian Fidance all join in to see if this ship gets sailed or sunk, how online 'commerce' is... going, and go over their proverbial batting order! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos lía. Lúbena que de mao, a Madrid. Sabemos lo importante que es sentirse acompañado. Por eso en Caixa Bank ahora cuentas con un préstamo para hacer realidad tus ilusiones. Solicitalo desde el móvil o a través de tu gestor. Informate en caixabank.es. Caixa Bank, tu y yo, nosotros. Siempre que se mantenga las circunstancias económico-financieras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. Informa tencaishabank.es. Caishabank, tu y yo, nosotros.
Starting point is 00:00:45 Siempre que se mantenga las circunstancias económico-financeras del solicitante en el momento de la solicitud. Buscas contenido gratis. I wanna be see. Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Baby, we're startinglo sin pagar nunca. Back again. Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm feeling like I can die you did. This podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Shut up, you're ruining this. Work the bar, damn it, man. I'm so sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Original. Rachel Rachel Rachel Hey, what's up you guys welcome to the you know what slut podcast? Thank you. That's the exact amount of preparation I've made to host the show Bobby called me yesterday and I just was like what what what okay sure so here we are Welcome to you know what you'd guess hosted by carnalism with fiend of the only fiends podcast and my exceptional panel Thank you guys for being here tonight to discuss the war Well expert number one Brendan Saigalo. What up? What up yo, yo from his extensive research in the US Yeah, I did it again where I just fucking started talking and I have no idea what I
Starting point is 00:02:32 And I don't realize till now. I'm trying not to do that as much. You could look like the the young mistake Clitch goblot brother No, no boxers and then you're like a late edition. Now he looks more of like a child of Chernobyl. Sit here. You move over. That's up to you to move over. Guys, I haven't finished introducing you guys. Sorry. Yeah, oh, hey, sorry. We were having too much fun. Karen, take it away. Thank you. Um, also here tonight Michael Elizabeth Cannon. Hello You know I'm a special what's your special? You got a couple right and you just filmed another one
Starting point is 00:03:14 I just filmed another one. Yeah, we're not doing plugs right now. Welcome for yeah, there's nothing to plug yet either Thank you for having thank you for having are you She's right Holy shit. Yeah. Show card is being. Caron just did a gummy with fentanyl. Here's what happened.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Like I did like a 40 minute kettlebell to prepare like like work out at home like in front of my dog for this. I was like super focused. And then Mike's like, do you want to smoke? And then I tried different time. I didn't and then we started Karen's Achilles heel here we are we just an off-road of seed Come on, I shouldn't I'm not gonna be sharp I want to see it a J. Vell dish the other night. She's we're doing legioskags before she gets up
Starting point is 00:03:59 She's like I gotta hit a dab ripping dad The fuck ripping ripping dad listen kids out there if you want to get a dab. I'm not like ripping dab. What the fuck? Ripping dabs. Listen, kids out there, if you wanna get a JFL, just get one. But you know, I'm the 50th one, you're just gonna be ripping dabs before them. True.
Starting point is 00:04:13 What did your heart feel like? Before enduring your set? Because I know what I'm like on dabs, and it is not good for my breath. Yeah, you're not human. How did that happen? I had like a half an hour to walk it off and I talked to some like boring comedians
Starting point is 00:04:29 who were also auditioning that night. So I was really saddled, you know? Yeah, and you're like, I'm high and they're not, they're freaking out, I'm not. So feel good about it. What do you think, where do you think they're sitting? I was like, I'm like, fucking face, what do you mean? Oh, we're high.
Starting point is 00:04:44 We're not high. We're not high. We're not high. They're sitting on your face. Yeah, why not? Yeah, shouldn't you be sitting on their face? No, I mean, listen, one of them. One of them is sitting somewhere. I got you.
Starting point is 00:04:54 I'm like, I'm like in my head. I'm like, I'm like in my head. I'm like, I'm in my head. One of them is sitting on your face. Yeah, I'm like, I'm in like bridge. Oh, so they must have a podcast. A studio. I'm in like bridge. Oh, so they must have a podcast? Ha ha ha. Studio.
Starting point is 00:05:07 Ha ha ha ha. I win. Ha ha ha ha. I win. I keep looking at these like Iranian guys who suck at yoga. But are they good at bangin'? But are they good at foreign policy? Ian Fy dance is also here with us.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Yes. Hello. Thank you. Oh my god. I mean, we like should be stressed out about this war. It's stressful. Oh, we got close and I got an Ian finances here. What the fuck is that? And a and I think we like should be stressed out about this war. I know. I'm trying to go to Montreal, baby. I'm gonna give a shit about war. I'm gonna go to Montreal baby, I'm gonna give a shit about war. Yeah, I'm gonna talk about my Wang and my show. We just saw a scene from Clueless 2. BEE! BEE! Begin' a Ukraine! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What if we get from right now?
Starting point is 00:06:05 Like why would he be on the welcome? Why would it leave you behind now? I knew it was the thing. It's the same way as I felt in the subway. It's like when anybody questionable walked on, I sat right next to them because I wanted to be in the immediate blast radius as opposed to catching shrapnel and losing a lift.
Starting point is 00:06:21 And the name of the father is sign of the night tonight. Wait, are you talking about if someone blows himself up? Yeah, I would have liked a stab for them. Stabber, you gotta be far far away. No, I'm talking about somebody wearing a heavy jacket back in the O506 era when anything could have happened. I saw this guy with a Belgian Malinwaw today and I was like, this guy has a grenade.
Starting point is 00:06:43 This guy has a grenade. The Belgian W? Malinwaw, you know? Oh, the dog was like this guy has a grenade. This guy has a grenade. The Belgian Wanda? Malin Wanda, you know. Oh, the dog. Yeah, I got a dog. I got it by one of those. That's probably the one you got 55, right? I got it.
Starting point is 00:06:52 I got it. I got it by one. Not the same as you, but I got it by one the other day. Those dogs belong in the middle. Wait, in life? Yes, this couple has it as a pet. I was like, oh, are we at war? Like, what are you preparing for?
Starting point is 00:07:02 They belong in the military. What's a malimod? It looks like a spear-wearing charming shepherd. Yeah, it's a German shepherd, but somehow more terrifying. Anyway, I was like, this guy has a grenade for sure. I saw a guy on the train once, and I was looking over his shoulder,
Starting point is 00:07:16 and he had his phone screen, like I could see it, and he was just calling one new codes. No, but he was calling a number, and it was like, who like CSI like, um, no, no, like when they call in the bomb to blow up and it kept, it kept ringing and then going,
Starting point is 00:07:31 like it can't obviously call. And you know, and he was brown. So I kind of had a panic attack. I was a little late that. Yeah, that's gonna be bad. It's exhibit A. I thought they would laugh at the takedown of an executive. No, yeah, it really is. That is exhibit A. I thought they would laugh. The take down of the earned equivalent.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Yeah, it really is. I'm learning, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I guess my heart to take them down is not now more than ever. I'll apologize immediately, I'm so sorry, I just talk. I don't think. No, you have to donate your earning. I feel like I'm gonna throw the bomb in it at you
Starting point is 00:08:01 and make it you wear it a specific way. I'll never wear that Disgusting I can't believe you just said I'm just kidding. Let's focus. Okay. Are we? Where the bomb? A Belgian a Want to touch it a Belgian Malinois or whatever Malamar Malamar Malamar
Starting point is 00:08:21 Can goes right that's a Malamar dog. I'm I E. Malmari E. That's a Malmari. That's a Malmari. I'm assuming like most of them, I'd say 99% of those are service dogs and they go into the military. So that's probably a retired army dog. With PTSD. Well that's what's in my home. Probably not a city dog. Probably a weird weapon to walk around Manhattan with.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Yeah. Yeah, I was like, oh, why don't you get one of those Komodo dragon thing? Yeah. You're on the out of your sight. I know. I know. I hit like claps as hand that dog bites the head off the child. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:51 That's like walking around with a dangerous weapon. Like, you know, That's the analogy that we just did. No, it's like walking around with like a platinum unleash. A wet, a wet. I was saying, I was saying, Karen, he has a joke. Let me do the joke. Yeah, let me do the joke. Let me do the joke.
Starting point is 00:09:05 There is a significant difference in your voice when you have a joke than when you're talking. And it's so close to how you really talk, but there is a thing where you're like, if you're just talking, you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no May I identify what it is? What? It's a tone of stinker, like a little stinker. Oh, yeah, that little stinker. No, I really get ornery when I want to tell a joke. Yeah, I get really ornery atoms.
Starting point is 00:09:33 Can you save it the second part again? Of what? The joke. Can you quit buffering and be here with us? No, please. I do another gab before you run a show. I really didn't hear it. No, you're trying to get me to say it again because it was racist. Oh, no, I really did. Another gab, before you run a show. I really didn't hear it.
Starting point is 00:09:45 No, you're trying to get me to say it again because it was racist. Oh, no, I wasn't. No, but you guys are too first. Well, look at you little bogey tonight. That's because I got his bank. If you go down, we go down. I'm sorry, guys, I'm thinking hard.
Starting point is 00:09:58 It's not gonna take much for both of you to fucking pop out of the room. I'm glad. I think we'll say this right now. We can delete the file. I think it's something that's gonna hurt. Delete the file. It's cool.
Starting point is 00:10:08 I'm glad you guys are getting this out of the way before Blackie and Shaza. Oh yeah, that's awesome. What you mean, he already here. Come on now, y'all. Y'all motherfuckers like Skah, y'all. Layin' in the building, y'all. I went with a bunch of my homies to see the toasters.
Starting point is 00:10:23 She was. Because I was like, she was tight. Now I know we don't have internet, but do we have the ability to play that for Ian when he says that? I'll call it Ian Whitey. Yeah, we can play it back, right? I call it Ian Whitey.
Starting point is 00:10:35 No, I'm blacky. Okay, because you're smooth. Yeah. You like a jack position? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but the smooth is from AstroGlide. No, that's hot. He's on the board for being a fan.
Starting point is 00:10:48 I'm getting close. I'm getting very close to doing anal in my old age. I thought you were into that. No, I never knew. But I'm right. You're like an old porn star that finally does it to be relevant. Yes. Is it?
Starting point is 00:11:00 I'm gonna hilarious. It's your last pinch. It's your last hole. Her last hole on top. You throw an 88 mile per hour fastball now so you gotta learn knuckleball. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:11:14 Now what is that? I think you want to do anal find. Because it's like turning me on. I think I can get there like via like orgasm. It's just like it is very painful for me. I have a tiny tiny tiny asshole. Do you want me to help you? Hey, buddy buddy buddy. Oh, do you mean verbally like tell me what to do?
Starting point is 00:11:31 That sounds like I was like, oh, he is. Excuse me for our listeners. He was like his finger. He was removing his brain and putting it back on. Do you want me to help you? I remember Alice Wooster's show at Legion Ball back in like, oh nine. And you would routinely talk about how much you enjoyed anal sex. I had a joke about anal sex. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:11:52 So you were lying? Can I get you? You were lying about enjoying anal sex. The joke was the first time I had anal. I was like, this is great, because I was in a blackout, I was wasted. And then like the next day I was like, Karen does anal, do you think I did anal?
Starting point is 00:12:04 And then I did it sober and it was like oh my god It's like white fire like it was brutal. I never did it. Yeah, that's actually my so her name white fire Because you can so Karen got a rip white. Come is burning Red ants Lightning rod everybody. Ian's got a joke In the joke voice. You're such a little brat. So Karen, what was the joke? Oh, I knew it was that too. Yeah, I was just going to be, I don't know, I was seven fucking years ago at an open mic.
Starting point is 00:12:32 You cock sucker. Yeah, well, two thousand nine's a lot more than seven years ago, honey. Was it 2009? I think so. I don't know. I don't know when it was. It was school in 2009. It's like a dick.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Really? I'm to rehab in 2009. Wow. That's also funny how like little I actually listened to the joke because I was like, it was about how you loved anal. The joke's clearly not. One time I did it.
Starting point is 00:12:55 One time I was anal. All I heard was anal and then I just drifted off to a land. Yeah, I'm still thinking about Blackie and being like, this motherfucker be skankin' with my hoe. Ian, I'm gonna need you to laugh at that man. We're the only one that'll get it I don't even understand the relevance and the need to bring it back No, it's a fucking scot thing man. I thought if anyone would laugh It's Ian. Did you let him down there? Yeah, portraying me. Should you have laughed at the sky joke? Nasty, I don't like Scott.
Starting point is 00:13:27 It's lacking. Yeah, there you go. Talk about jazz. This is like, it's like, we're not good at it. Wait a minute. That's what it is. It's such a funny bit, and we're just not good enough to make it fun.
Starting point is 00:13:36 What do you taught, speak for yourself, bitch? I just heard your punchline. It's March 1st, and you guys just let it rip. Like, we've been holding it in all month. Please think. March 1st, and guys just let it rip like yeah, I we've been holding it all He's big March 1st and you guys I was out like a heater on the upper side just like Unkinked hose of white supremacy Your black voice load all over.
Starting point is 00:14:08 This is what I'm so glad. There you go. There you go. There you go. One to go. And we're we're in. Wow. You mean it's it. I'm Aaron. Mine. I'm with an apostrophe. I know. It's like Aaron. This is definitely the podcast that like Bobby envisioned that we all
Starting point is 00:14:23 asked to be deleted. And they're exactly no, but like the one, you know, why we're having to be deleted Exactly no, but like the one you know why we're having fun None of us have hate like the people like I have black dick in my pussy This yeah, I've exclusively only been with black men and and trans and and black trans women. Yeah, I'm bulletproof I'm just saying we sound we sound like an SNL sketch about white guy podcasting. You know? I feel like because it's because you know, I think we should delete this episode for a whole You just got stung. I got stung. Oh my God, you guys. I got a new dog.
Starting point is 00:15:09 All right, let's talk about Ukraine. That takes her the name of her dog. Take it back to Ukraine. Her name's Mabel. Mabel. I feel like she does have potential to kill a woodland creature. And in that case, perhaps a small dog. What kind of dog is she?
Starting point is 00:15:26 They told me she was a lab calling. I'm pretty sure she's a pitful German Shepherd. Do you have a picture? It's a 100% lab. I met the dog. Oh yeah, the dog is a sweet. I don't know. Can I see a picture?
Starting point is 00:15:36 Can I tell you my- This is like- You haven't seen her. Catching a girl lying about her boyfriend hitting her. Wow. That dog is sweet as hell. I'm turned on. Wait, this dog eats my- Okay. Wait, this dog eats my face.
Starting point is 00:15:45 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, word, the joke pierces through and you're like, is it because of this people I have on my baby? I'm not. Why? Why? She's gorgeous, right? So cute. So cute.
Starting point is 00:16:13 I see the lab when she's at home and she's chill, but I'm telling you, like her, like looking at squirrels, like she looks at me, she's like, just let me do one. Well, because they're hunting at, labs are like hunting animals. They expect the duck to drop out of the sky how old is she eight months She does look like the duck in duck hunt the dog in duck Oh now y'all
Starting point is 00:16:35 You guys are here doing let me ask you something K dog while I'm giving an unwanted black female a perfectly good home Let me ask you something what K? K-Dot. What's up, dog? How many bones was that doggy? How much did it cost? Yeah. I think she ran me like 800. 800 bucks. That's how much an adopted dog cost?
Starting point is 00:16:55 You get a mattress for that. Okay, I already have one. You sleep terribly. How many? You get another mattress for that, because you're back here all the time. What? What's happening? What's happening? time. What? What's happening?
Starting point is 00:17:05 What's happening? Just do some stretches. I stretch. Did you do yoga for that? You don't. No. You've stretched. I've stretched.
Starting point is 00:17:16 You don't stretch. You don't enjoy the continuation. I stretch all the time. Look. That's a stretch. Sometimes I'll try to do a prep. So is that punch, so? Yeah. What can you do now? This do a prayer. What was that punch?
Starting point is 00:17:25 What you do now? It's just offensively. What is going on with you today? I'm like, far away from you guys. That's what it feels like. I thought that was great. I thought it was funny how you got winded after stretching. I like it.
Starting point is 00:17:39 Thanks for coming. Thanks for being a guest on that. Thanks for having me. Thanks for not... You know what, slap pockets. Thanks for being a guest on that, you know. It's right with me. Thanks for not. You know what, select podcast. Thanks for not what? Throwing the bomb down at me when I deserve it. I've been holding tightly to it for most of the time. Of your career.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Oh, this show is rudderless. Yeah, it's smooth. It just keeps going. That's not what that means. Shhh. The carrot thinks you mean no rudders. Shhh. Shhh. Wait, okay, real fast. The sea's smooth without rudders. Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, Another rudders because they're rough. B. My nipples are so cute. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:18:27 Yeah, Ruvan. I bet they're not. I bet they're not. I bet they're not. Good looking. And everyone would hate those. I also bet your asshole doesn't feel great. Doesn't bet my nose could fit your asshole.
Starting point is 00:18:44 Pranks. I'm getting into it. I'm slowly moving into anal. You gotta go slow. If you go too fast and hard, it's gonna ruin the experience for both of you. Well, yeah, the person who was doing it was like, it's gonna hurt.
Starting point is 00:18:55 It's gonna hurt. Like what the fuck? You're gonna play with it. There's no lube. That's your first mistake. I mean, I have like not to be as fucking just ridiculous, but I do have a very wet vagina. But do you have a wet asshole? That'd be weird. That's the bad thing. It's a Saint Bernard asshole. Karen, you gotta get a butt plug, a small butt plug, and wear it
Starting point is 00:19:17 throughout your day. I would. And send a picture. It's really hot. I will. I will. Somebody get me a butt plug. Maybe black ink will get me one. So then what would you do? She it'll see it. I can't do that. It's already deferred to the month. I ain't going anywhere near that joke anymore. Yeah far away good for you buddy. You stay away from jokes. What else? You're a little stinker. I'm gonna get it. Remember the bond. We're on the botfire tomorrow. I know, it's pretty fun. You're gonna get roasted. I'm gonna get an HBO Max bot plug.
Starting point is 00:19:51 What does that mean? I don't know, I just made it up. You just named it a channel? Well, I was thinking of e. I'm gonna get a nickel. Why you stick to the script there, Karen? What is on that piece of paper right there? Nothing, like this.
Starting point is 00:20:05 It says wing it. It says 830 to 930 do a show. Oh, wing. So I don't know, we covered the war. That's like done in dust. Yeah, really. Head to toe. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Now we can just talk about our personal lives, what we do. But I, oh, so I had a question. And I guess this is kind of circling back to, to your vagina and bowel. Yeah. But if you have a, speaking of the war, speaking of PTSD, this is sick, this is having a war between my asshole and my pussy. That's my thing. I'm like, don't get me my pussy. The Ah, the fog of war. I'm like, the dirty, I mean talk about being in the trenches. Yeah, and Karen's really giving us some more propaganda right now. It's tight. It's not wet.
Starting point is 00:20:55 Yeah, talk to the Ukrainian, it's gonna jam it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so sad about Ukrainians. All right. Why? Because I'm all gonna get fucking blown up. You know what'd be fun is if we have you tell us what you think is going on What is I think people know more about what's going on then oh you know do you I think Dave Smith
Starting point is 00:21:14 Like knows everything because he's such a pretentious fucking fuck that like I think in order smart That's what I'm that's my point I think in order to be that fucking smart me and cock you like you right You are right like you know you're pretty much right and he says yeah because your whole personality depends on it Yeah, if someone calls you out you're like fuck no one now no one's gonna think I'm the smart guy Just like being interested in talking about your interests That NATO has been provocative or whatever and I'm like What they sound like yeah, I mean what do they mean? What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:21:47 What's what are they provoke it? How is provoking rush it a attack you create? What are they like you won't? I think this is all Hunter Biden's fault Found a laptop. Yeah, I think that's what happened. Is that what happened? No, I don't know I think that's what happened. Is that what happened? No. I don't know. I believe you. I think like, I believe whatever you say.
Starting point is 00:22:09 I just think it's wild to watch this on TikTok and it's fucking bizarre. All of this is weird. Yeah, it's very strange to watch war on social media. Who watched so much stuff though? Like, it's a lot of responsibility. We don't know what's true. What's not, they're mentioning things
Starting point is 00:22:24 that we're finding out days later Our lies like the ghost of Kiev was a lie. Yeah, they're showing Russian They're showing Russian planes blowing up and it turns out it's video game footage The fucking hole like we don't surrender fuck you or rasha that was a lie It sucks because Clint Eastwood was 65 pages into a ghost of key of script. I was going to back to my war. I was like, I want to be like a fucking top gun you can be. Dude, I'm excited. I think this is all just promo for top gun too.
Starting point is 00:22:55 Yeah. I think that's what this really is. I think it's about another Rocky or a fucking mix of their worlds. Rocky and top gun. Oh, it's like the Jets and meets the Flintstone. I'm like, fine. Or a fucking mix of their worlds, rocky end. Oh, it's like the Jetson meets the Flintstone. Yeah, or like all of the fucking superhero movies now. They're gonna mix them together. That would be cool.
Starting point is 00:23:14 That would be cool. Here's a Russian friends. Well, I treated this like so many like white people did during Black Lives Matter when they called their like one black friend to be like, I hear you, I say, I call my friend Boris, I was like, hey man, how's it hanging? It's very bad. And you know, glue, it is not glue. I called Daniel Simonson and he was like, I'm not even.
Starting point is 00:23:38 I've been going to Basilca every day. Do you want to have a ride? Are you trying to find me? My lone Ukrainian friend is dead. Because they were defending their land? No, no, because of the... Oh, pussy. There was the other...
Starting point is 00:23:52 That's a pussy, some other shit. No, I talked to my buddy who's Ukrainian and he said his parents are like taking it really, really rough. I bet. Yeah. Well, are they in America or are they in America? But they had family there and like, you know,
Starting point is 00:24:07 I'm agree with that. Why didn't they get them out of there? What, were they like, Russia's bluffing? So what, why didn't they do anything? Just a victim blamer to the end. Oh, I don't know, I mean, I love my family. I don't know. What were they wearing?
Starting point is 00:24:22 I mean, talking about provocative. What were they wearing? I mean talking about provocative. What were they wearing? Damn. My last roommate was Albanian. What does that mean? Same place. I dated Albanian. Nice. Harry.
Starting point is 00:24:37 He was very handsome. He was not Harry. He was probably laser. Yeah. Big hog. Uncut. I bet. We met in a total man.
Starting point is 00:24:45 If you ever taken an uncut weiner and licked around the head of it, yeah, I love it. With the uncut stone, your tongue. My last word. That really put me right there. I don't know. Yeah, just that whatever you did right there. I'm like, oh, I face the dick for the first time. That really happens to me a lot, just like the pull into the scenario that keeps me there. And then everybody's talking and I come back and you're talking about something different. For you know it, I'm all blowing a guy. Zip. This is good. This is really good. I feel like this is a really good male energy in here.
Starting point is 00:25:26 You got it all really open with each other. You're pretty masculine though. Thank you. Yeah, in a good way. I don't mean that negatively. Oh, I take it. I mean, women are the worst. I can't hate a smile. Yeah, they get old. Ew. Ew, gross. Yeah, ew. What are you going to do when I get old?
Starting point is 00:25:41 I'm like an adult. Anel. Anel. Anal till I die. Anal till I die and then yeah put rocks in my pocket and walk into the ocean with my dog. Oh I thought you meant like do anal until you're literally dead. I'll get asked fuck today. Get fucked to death. Yeah. Ask fuck to death. Ask fuck the be hand name of the episode Yeah, I'll still do spots and stuff, but I'll like have a limp because I get asked fuck so much Holy great. Do you think that into it? I don't know I don't know I feel like I could come from it Well, just the thought of being like I think I can come from it. That's what will make her come I am a I know
Starting point is 00:26:23 Hey, you know, I know how women come out of the married guy and the guys Some ticket truck stops. I knew you were gonna know Truck stops really more guys fuck you Pensation sorry Up the same. Yeah, it's we're synced up. We love each other. We love you really blown a guy in Penn station. No, whoa I'd be interested to know. We're in Central. Wait, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon,
Starting point is 00:26:50 look at how he made women come all the time. I don't like the fact that you don't like the- Me girls. You asked me that. Like I don't like it. I don't like that. I don't like the echoey thing. Yeah. Yeah. Don't like it. I don't like that. I don't like the echo. We think yeah, yeah, um
Starting point is 00:27:07 Don't do that. Don't do that. That's There's no me. It's no Listen, tell us how you make women come Brandon one time I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Starting point is 00:27:29 I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Starting point is 00:27:37 I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. You think like you'll have the gift of gab no doubt right and then you get in there and it's like a lot of eye contact and mouth breathing and
Starting point is 00:27:46 Where's my mom? I don't know dudes breathe heavy? Yeah Do you breathe heavy? Yeah, yeah, I really try to mask my breathing because I understand how I'm All right, yeah, don't do that because it is turning me off. It's making me not want to talk So don't fucking shadow me buddy. What I was agreeing with you. Oh my god, Brendan. Brendan, what are you talking about? You're a finger down, ring now. Nope, I know, Brendan. I got it, I got it.
Starting point is 00:28:11 You're doing it, you're doing it. Yeah. Stop. This episode is a window into mental image. Like I am so law, I'm trying to ask questions just to get something going. I want to be like, I'm like, Brendan, Brendan,
Starting point is 00:28:26 it's okay. He's not going to do it anymore. Don't do it anymore, Ian. Scouts on her won't do it anymore. You would never scout. And I can't trust you, dude. You're a little trickster, man. I know you, dude.
Starting point is 00:28:36 I know Ian. There is no way he's not doing it anymore. He knows the farther it gets, the more hilarious it's going to be if he does it. No, it's not. it's so now time over at this table. It's time we can the fuck out man. You're just waiting for it. Yeah, yeah It's time over tension buddy Would you read fucking Judy Blooms book Judy Carter you idiot Dear god I was like, he made your God me time to protect you. He made your...
Starting point is 00:29:08 Judy Carter, Jimmy Carter's wife. Yep. The president. One of them. No, she wrote the comedy Bible, right? Well, my comedy Bible. The one I hold dear to. I call it the comedy Bible.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Yeah. Did you ever read those like the comedy for dummies or anything like that? My dad got me like one of those books. I read one page and then I just threw it in the garbage. Really? You do. You do. You do. But no, I watch, I read all those, I read all the like I'm dying up here. Steve Martin's book. I read those. Yeah. There was another book about. Sign language. Sign language. Yeah. I never read that. But I write all of Carlin's books, especially last words. It's like my favorite comedy.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Yeah. And then there was one other one about the history of like New York comedy as well. It's not I'm dying up here. It's like something else, but it's a really awesome book about the history of comedy. I got just super nerdy and weird about like I got into that. You have to choose. You have to. You have to. You have to choose. You have to choose. You have got in the you have to finish every book you start no not ever I mean I uh I did not finish
Starting point is 00:30:07 bonfire of the vanities why not sounds awesome it actually is good I don't know it's just it's never finished books I'm like I'm all read 40% of a book and then I'm fucking masturbating instead of reading nice nice that's pretty well maybe you got to change the books yeah one
Starting point is 00:30:24 makes you money she's getting in masturbating instead of reading. Nice. Nice. That's pretty cool. Well, maybe you got to change the books. Yeah, and one makes you money. She's getting shugs. She's getting shugs. Nobody's paying you to read on camera. Yeah. Unless you do it while masturbating. There's been some bad.
Starting point is 00:30:34 There's been some real quick. Really? Yeah. I like to find out if you can read. Exactly. They're like, prove it. Yeah. What are some weird requests that you've gotten?
Starting point is 00:30:43 Do you mind talking about that? You're not showing them? No, what a polite way to ask for an in-how adult of you. It's because you can make women come, huh? I can make them come and go. That's what I do. I'm a pimp. Excuse me.
Starting point is 00:30:53 I get a lot of requests for stuff I don't do. What's what? Sex videos, or blowjob videos, and I don't do any of that. What do you do en el video? Yo creo que me quedo muy bien. Tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno, tres por uno. Esta es la tres por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar todo el tres por uno en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line.
Starting point is 00:31:20 ¿Sapará? Tres por uno, tres por uno. Ah, no, no, no. ¡Túminos! Pizzah. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fui, parás!
Starting point is 00:31:36 Vuelades de Madrid, Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Te lo diré? ¿Te lo diré contando? Sí, lo diré contando. Yo pongo un joystick a mi bállaro.
Starting point is 00:31:53 No, ¿no? No, yo estoy con mi mano, pero también por anal. ¿Qué es un joystick? ¿No es un intro? El joystick no se parece como un poco más grande. No, creo que creo que es todo muy grande. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:32:07 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:32:15 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:32:23 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm You make, I don't hate, not that I hate. I could never be a teacher. I have no patience. I obviously am barren. Don't want to be a parent. Doctors have patience. But I want to separate.
Starting point is 00:32:34 You deserve it. I want to separate. I'm on the inside. Yeah. I'm going to start doing it again. Please don't. Please don't. He's going to break.
Starting point is 00:32:43 You know what? I'm going to repeat repeat you repeating me. So, are you? I'd be climbing up the stairs. He spent her too. Yeah, there it is. Yeah. Anyway, what else do you do?
Starting point is 00:32:58 I was just letting you fly, little bird. I'm flying, I'm flapping. All right. What is the distinction between solo and inviting somebody, some faceless cock into the occasion? What's that? I mean, nothing really. I just, it's like a time thing.
Starting point is 00:33:14 It's schedules. Schedule, I'm happy. You have to pay them. That's a good question. I would assume they would work with a commission and they get a percentage of the profit. Like they would be a skim- ask banging you. It's more the scheduling thing than it is video footage of you getting fucked. Because there probably
Starting point is 00:33:37 there might be like it would probably be their POV. Because I can move a couple of things around. I'm just kidding. Thanks Ian. Are you not getting that many spots this month? Whoa. You probably aren't either because you're having menopause. I'm never gonna get menopause. I'm still laughing at carrot. I like carrots better. Yeah, carrots was better, but that was a good one. This is a good roast back.
Starting point is 00:34:07 I think it is. Yeah, fun. This is fun. This is fun. This is fun. OK. You could make a YKWD beginning with all those sound clips just from this episode, I think.
Starting point is 00:34:19 This was fun. I really like when you show self love. Yeah. I think you got it, dude. I think it's you show self love. Yeah, I think you got who do. It's really nice to see. Because what I'm doing is I'm taking all the self hatred and trying to make it energy. What do you guys do to release the demons? What's your process?
Starting point is 00:34:40 What do I do to release the demons? Oh, thank God. Yeah, thank God. Oh, thank God. Brennan was just just gonna answer this earnestly. Thank God. You're a cop. Brennan was about to be vulnerable. Thank God you came in. Honestly, yes. Thank God you came in. I was about to be vulnerable. Everybody welcome me and Larry to the program. Welcome.
Starting point is 00:34:58 What's up? What's going on guys? Karen called you Black Ian and the nice shirt to be like like hey yo you're black Ian you call me black Ian um oh shit and I said it in a nice way like like yeah it was very loving yeah I'm like say it in an unloving way like how would you say black Ian dirty black Ian dirty black you're everything yeah that's what you I'm
Starting point is 00:35:22 do what you said I'm doing what you said. No, no, no, no. This is like acting class. Just save the two words in a different way. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It didn't feel racist. It felt like black Ian, Funcher girl. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. Yeah. It's added like you were going to. I'm like, you're going to a vanish. Black. Yeah. Black Ian. That's very close. He's talking behind your back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I felt that. Because you're not even saying it really. You're talking behind your back. Yeah, that's very conscious.
Starting point is 00:36:05 I felt that. Because you're not even saying it really. You're like disrespecting. Yeah, you'd do the bubble in your mind. Okay, this is what you have finances. How you're gonna say? Well, boom. Oh, please.
Starting point is 00:36:17 Yeah. So what you guys been talking about? Oh, dude. I mean, there is clear leader and there's not a lot of structure. Save the show. No, we've been having fun. We've been all over the place. I mean, the whole thing has felt like an acid trip. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:37 I think that's a perfect descriptor of it because it's been a bit rudderless. Yeah. Say some of us don't know what rudderless. Say some of us don't know what that means. No rudder. Say rudderless. Yeah. Um, now, say some of us don't know what rudderless say some of us don't know what that means. No rudder. Say, uh, rudderless to boat without a rudder. Yeah. What happens if a boat is missing some parts? It floats.
Starting point is 00:36:53 I mean, it sounds like it's free or it's free. It has no direction. Yeah. It's used a rudder. Yeah. It's letting the waves take it to coming to the power that be. That's right. Beading off the energy. it's not, you know,
Starting point is 00:37:06 steering us in any direction. No, you're right. You asked for the definition and then had the Webster's dictionary definition of it, like that. Technically, I asked for the definition, but yeah. You did it. You did?
Starting point is 00:37:18 Well, I think I did, didn't I? You did it in an indirect way. You're like, say some of us don't. That's your purpose. What do I have to do? Say some of us don't know. Right. Lacking.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Oh, there you go. Oh, yeah. He meant that. We're not even playing the game. You said that's how you say it. I'm not even playing a game anymore. This is just an opinion. It took me a little bit to get in that mode
Starting point is 00:37:46 because I don't have it in my heart. Yeah, but you had the surprise. Usually have it in your mouth. I felt like you've said that to Estee like that before. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I believe it. So the Ukraine.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Brandon, Elizabeth, we've covered the Ukraine. Oh, I want to have a game. Okay. If you were to guess, we've covered the Ukraine. Oh, I wanna say a game. Okay. If you were to guess, if give us women's middle names. Elizabeth and Mary Jane Ellen. No, no, like think about it. Your naming should just think about it. No, I thought I was gonna think of one.
Starting point is 00:38:20 I thought I was gonna think of one anything. I thought it was gonna be in. Look at me and say what you think of his email middle name thought it was gonna be in. Look at E.N. Look at white E.N. Yeah. And say what you think of his email middle name, E.N. Blank Fidonchet. Yeah. E.N. Melody signed a non-melody. Melody.
Starting point is 00:38:34 Melody. You know why? Because she thought mustache and then went to Melody. Yeah. Melody's gonna run us through. And because I just know what happened. Like a Melody. He can't wait until he can see it.
Starting point is 00:38:43 Okay. You can come and go So this is a double. Yes. P test. I missed that part said that yeah, yeah, I have to I have a very small penis None of your mouth. I get business there's you open the door I'll tell you I'm small as there are numbers of us on this side of I think it's like five, but I said four and then my girlfriend said four on Legion of Skanks. So now it's fucking four and I'm rafting off of it. Four. How are you
Starting point is 00:39:11 profiting? I'm putting it on t-shirts. And you're selling the t-shirts? No, I'm selling a bit of himself. A bit of myself. Uh-huh. How do you feel about it? So you're right you piece of shit. So you're like a quarter of black Ian? I think it's 12. 16th-year-old. This is still a very satisfying gang bang now. You think so?
Starting point is 00:39:38 Who would go first? Married guy, chubby ginger, home Homo, lovely black. Who would get, thank you. Yeah, who would go for, what would your order be? Oh, I'd close for sure. I mean, I wouldn't, I mean, I wouldn't, if you wanted, if you wanted, if you wanted, I would have ruined it for you guys.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Yeah, no one, none of us are trying to find. Yeah, I'd close, yeah, this is like, yeah, it's like, you would be, he is proud for it, one thirty would be, he is proud and clean up for sure. Nobody wants that. Yeah, if you went first, we would all just have to go in at once. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Put on a minor helmet. It was a pack of hot dogs. Get down to the shaft. Hey, you ever walking? Well, the airy key comes out. It's not good down there, fuck. It's like the catacombs. There's hieroglyphics on the walls.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Yeah, this has been around for ages. I think the aliens made this. There's high worklifix on the walls. Yeah, this has been around for ages. I think the aliens made this. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Because I want to come, I know I want to come, right? I want to get that orgasm out of the way. Well, that's nice. Do you make them come with your dick or with your mouth? Everything. No. Really? My toes, my elbows. You just answered that.
Starting point is 00:40:51 No, what do you like about me? I mean, I do fingers. Sung and fingy. Fingers. That's hungers. That's not easy. That's old school. Well, what I do sometimes when I'm fucking a monster
Starting point is 00:41:00 is rubbing and flingy. All right, look at Brendan Fingers. I'm fingered. I just said his fingers. So because while I'm banging, I will be rubbing the clits sometimes too. And that all. Give it up for him every time.
Starting point is 00:41:11 I know. You know, that's you. You've heard the thing. They probably get an extra sensation from the eczema. Yeah. Yeah, well, it's like a nice dusting of parmesan. Yeah, it does look like we did cocaine in that departed scene.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Clamp parmesan. Yeah, I throw my eczemamen here. I go snort until you can't feel your face Do you like the uneven bars? Yeah, I don't know what that is. Yeah, Brendan LeBron's in front of every pussy How come powder? So you're like a great you're like good at sex. I would say so, yeah, I think so. You know I'm fat, I'm like, yeah. Tiny dick, I gotta be good, I gotta be good, you know. You don't have to be, but it's nice that you have fun.
Starting point is 00:41:57 He and doesn't have to be, he just gets hot chicks. Because he's got a huge cock. I don't have a huge cock. I think he in finance also has a huge cock. Yeah, I think it's fair I think black ends is bigger. Why? See and I thought you'd never We'll do something each year. Oh yeah, you should make them pay Put it behind a paywall. That's why Bobby asked me to do this. Yeah paywall
Starting point is 00:42:22 I'll be like what the fuck did you have a dick measuring? An hour and a half, then you figured it out. You got to eat in dick measuring context? Yeah. It's called, you know, what dick? That makes sense. Thank you. Mike, you haven't talked about your dick.
Starting point is 00:42:36 I don't want to disrespect your marriage, so I'll ask. I have a penis, it's fine. Okay. Yeah. I believe in the sanctumony of marriage, you know. I'm like, yeah. No, you fucking do. I I mean we're not actually having sex So I think I'm free to discuss how in a comedy, you know, okay comedy exercise. No, right. No, what would you like to know?
Starting point is 00:42:53 How is it? It's cool. It's never gotten complained so far. Yeah, it's been it's been remarked about positively Okay, I do Sometimes that's especially when sex isn't frequent, but I also have excelled at skills beyond my penis. You know, I'm a basketball player. I had to be good with my hands and fingers. I have strong grip. I will rip between your asshole and your vagina and just toss you to the other side of
Starting point is 00:43:19 the room. Well, I'm going to tell you, pal, you got the job. I know. I'm like, you mean me, mean me. Man, maybe married guy backs cleanup because we leave with him. Oh, that was great. Sorry. Focus up.
Starting point is 00:43:35 Have we completed what I was discussing? You haven't been discussing a damn thing. I've removed onto the topics that I didn't prepare. What would you like to talk about? You're the host. Yeah, I'm mostly my dog and it's not cool. It's like, I don't know. People think that they know everything. Like there was a trainer in the dog park today, this guy who just came in with this like
Starting point is 00:43:55 ch-ch-ch-ch-energy. Was the guy good looking? No, he was an ogre. He looked pregnant, but a guy. Oh, he was doing this season alone. The season alone thing, yeah. I feel like these people try to start a dog fight. That's their goal so that one dog will get bit and they'll be like, I'm a
Starting point is 00:44:10 trainer because that's what they always say. They're like, you're giving me a lot. Not friendly. Yes. Not friendly. That's like their life. 10,000 profile. They say that there's a guy on TikTok who's just always getting into those fucking things and just in silver. Yeah. Not straight. those fucking things and you know, Justin Silver. Yeah, Was he one of those guys that had like the clicker? Yeah. No, he just kept making the noise. What does that do? It like you can get, you can train dogs by a...
Starting point is 00:44:53 Train my face. And that guy didn't fucking Jurassic World. Yeah. So it's like a little... The clicker, they respond to it, you can matreat and then they identify that behavior with that noise. I thought I'd try to do it with my cat. Yeah. That's what I tried to do it with my girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:45:05 Anyway, so you're at the dog park. What's the treat? You're a foreign treat. Yeah, making her come. Little Tootsie at the end. Yeah, yeah. What's the treat? We got it.
Starting point is 00:45:14 We want it in here, Paul. It's a pig in a blanket. You're daisy. Are you foreign, why? Or is it foreign, normal? I'm 17 and why. No, I think I'm like, I think I'm more than four. I look at it and normal? I'm 17 and wide. No, I think I'm like, I think I'm more than four. I look at it and I'm like, this is good.
Starting point is 00:45:29 I think I pull them out. No. You make your door. We're guys on every time. Probably not. But who does? Yeah, no, I do. I do.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Some women have stubborn vaginas. They do. Most. Yeah, yeah. It's not our fault. Yeah. Even if that unlocks something. It's not. It's like, well, welcome when I'm watching this doctor,
Starting point is 00:45:51 molest this gymnast I can. I'm watching the Larry Nasser just trial with a sop and bust. What can you fucking figure out? Yeah. Help me my summer salt needs work. There's something wrong with my knee Wear me like a hand puppet
Starting point is 00:46:12 So fucking hard about that All right, so what happened at the dog park there was just this thing. Oh, thank you for bringing me back I didn't like it was to finishing a thought. No, no, no, no, no, I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. He sucked. It could tell he was trying to get the dogs to fight so that he could save the day and then get our business. I don't know. My thing is, what a weirdo.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Is that a thing? That's what happened? That's a lie. No, he came up to me and he goes, your dog. Does your dog hump dogs? I'm like, no, not really. In the back of my head, I'm like, she just bites her throat. Is she rough like that?
Starting point is 00:46:47 She plays rough, but it's, other dogs will love it. Just like other dogs. Yeah. Yeah. She's passionate. She falls in love very fast with certain dogs. And she walks. Just like her father.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Me. Are we recording? Nicole, let's sit on the entire side. What? Just happy. I was doing a joke. I just say things. Where's Nick?
Starting point is 00:47:11 In and out of consciousness throughout this episode. Yeah, that's something I did leave out when I was telling you what was going on. I mean, dude, also Bob, you're like a toy coming back to life. What do you mean? Just like Andy's coming I like to do a little job before they die yeah, they don't just fall down What was the last Pixar movie you saw oh?
Starting point is 00:47:45 Give me one and can't to give you one. That's the new good one or the black one. What was the last Pixar movie you saw? Oh, give me one. Encanto. Give you one. That's the new good one. What was the black one? Soul. Soul was lost. I think I saw that. Soul was fantastic. I think I saw that one in the theater.
Starting point is 00:47:53 That was almost too existential for kids. I watch cars. I think I saw it. Did I fry? Probably. Yeah. Oh, well, it hit you at a good part in the pandemic. And especially in New York, we're on like month three of not being able to go anywhere. Yeah, that comes out
Starting point is 00:48:07 It's all about your dreams and maybe recognizing you shouldn't even go after them Remember a moment that I cried when he's talking to his mom and his mom goes dreams can't buy food And he's like if dreams can't buy food, they're not a one-eat and I was like Why cuz you're imagining not eating He's like, if dreams can't buy food, then I don't want to eat. And I was like, I just started tearing up like that. Why? Because you were imagining not eating. Yeah. Hahaha. I knew.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Dude, that was one of those things I said and I went, someone's gonna say something about the food. Yeah, you love the meatball in there. We love meatballs. Yeah, I am a meatball. Hank. So we told me my dog was dominant. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:43 He's like, you need to correct her behavior. And I think- I think it's more about getting pussy than it is about picking up your dog. Isn't everything? Yeah. I think it like that is such a, that is literally like showcasing what you do
Starting point is 00:48:57 to women at a place that isn't creepy. Like you're out in the open. It's a good place to kind of strike up conversation and he's just negging your dog. I just feel, yeah, I was like trying to tell me that I needed like a trainer and I'm like, I don't know, I think I'll just like keep letting her get bit in the park that seems to like help.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Like not really bit, but like dogs are like, fuck you and then she's like, I'm right, I'm right, like she's eight months, like she's learning. She goes to the school of hard knocks. Have you ever had to separate like your dog and another dog? I wouldn't. We just let them get like each other.
Starting point is 00:49:29 You just start gambling on it. I mean, I would maybe, like, if, I mean, all one time, okay, one time I saved Ernest. He got attacked by like three different dogs. Oh, not late. This lady was running after her dogs, and they all started to go like biting him, and I picked Ernest up, and I booted one of her dogs.
Starting point is 00:49:45 She's like, you just kicked my dog? I'll say, yeah. You bumped into my dog. I'll say, you kicked my dog. You bumped into my dog. You bumped into my dog? Yeah. That was great.
Starting point is 00:49:52 Yeah. You bumped into her. I liked the time before the internet when you could kick dogs. When you could kick dogs. No, when that shit would just like, things would go viral because people were talking about it. Dude, when I was like seeing numbers, when I was a just, like, things would go viral because people were talking about it. When I was like seeing numbers. When I was a kid, there was like a neighborhood,
Starting point is 00:50:10 or yellow lab named Jenny. She would like sleep in the middle of the street. So everybody that would go up the street just knew to slow down all that stuff, whatever. A neighborhood favorite. This one lady made the mistake of like, there's rough, I think somebody fought on somebody's front yard or whatever. So this mom came over and the dog Jenny, I guess,
Starting point is 00:50:30 ran up to her too quick and she fucking booted the dog and the mom that owned the dog just marched right up to her smiling and cold cock the shit at her. Oh, on the front of the yard, it was the most white trash melee of all time. It was fantastic. Jesus Christ. It was great. That's awesome. Did you go over the dog Ian? Yeah, yeah, we're good. My sister had a like a Chihuahua, but I had a pug when I graduated, kind of, I had a pug. You killed her. She died. Oh, no, what happened? Yeah, she ate. She used to play a lot. Like, she used to the pugs like they like to scratch. Yeah, she used to play a lot, like she used to, Pugs, like they like to scratch. She used to scratch. I had like a rug thing and then she started chewing the rug thing and got stuck in her.
Starting point is 00:51:09 Oh, fuck. I spent like $3,000 getting her surgery and stuff and I got her surgery and then she came home and died like a nine. What was the name of the dog, Lola? Lola Lola. I have a theory. No one that's ever named their dog Bella is cool. If you name a dog Bella, you suck. What about Belle? La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la The dog Bella sucks for the people that named it so. That's just a, how was Bella? Really?
Starting point is 00:51:45 Yeah. Did she suck? Yeah, she did, she was on, they like, they have like the spirit of a world they are, they love her bowl. They're just slightly bigger than rats. Yeah, and they're the angriest. They love their owners. My ex step grandma Marlene had a, yeah, a, a,. Really? Yeah. Yeah. What was her name?
Starting point is 00:52:06 Yeah, that's what's wrong with you guys. You guys have both had too much On the watcher new question. I like that question. Oh my god I really don't know how the fuck oh god. I've I've a early onset dementia. You're high all the time I think this is what happens with too much mothering. Oh my god. What? Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Dr. Drew. What? What? You had two moms, a stepmom and a regular mom? No, no. I have a step grandma and a regular grandmother. Yeah. So yeah, you got too many women raising you. They didn't raise me. Oh, yeah, you don't even. I had one woman raised me long long an desert I was raised by my part I was a single mom I know you're from Queens I went to college I know nice cool I want to know where I
Starting point is 00:52:55 went to college sure I went to Marymount University of Phoenix seared a degree right yeah I got a B.I. in theater performance where is Marymount IT? ITT Tech. It's at me first and third. You want to do it in the city? No, that's... What'd you say? What'd you say? I'm gonna do it in the city. What was it? You want to ITT Tech?
Starting point is 00:53:11 Yeah. I don't get it. It's like a bad school and Karen's stupid. Oh. That was a good old fashioned truth. I know jokes That was an Ian goes just good old fashioned truth You actually very smart though. Yeah, you're like a perfect score. Yeah, SAT No, I just did very well. You got really high like a 1390 or something That's almost I got 1190. That's pretty high, too
Starting point is 00:53:43 I don't even think I don't in my thousands what did I get do now that oh you got a 900 yeah, I got a 900 yeah, yeah That's like not like even bad, but that doesn't know That's terrible in that everyone says it Dude that is hang on the only people that it's acceptable to get a 900 are like world-class division one recruit athletes If you are just fucking, no. I was, I lived the had painted nails and was, yeah. Trying to wrap. Monster energy drink chugging.
Starting point is 00:54:12 No, it was no athlete. He just filled out all the bubbles in a green day. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is awesome. But dark and 90 is highest. And 900 is bad. Yes. But that doesn't mean you're stupid because some people don't test high as a 900 is bad.
Starting point is 00:54:25 Yes, but that doesn't mean you're stupid because some people don't test well. It's test are culturally bad. But also you are stupid. Right, that's what I was saying. Oh, dude, we called his mom on our podcast. Here's a scenario available everywhere. And she legitimately was like hurt to tell us what he got.
Starting point is 00:54:41 I mean, she said, Are you strong enough to accept the truth? No, I mean, that's what she said had like, I gotta go. By the way, okay. Sorry. Do you want to plug anything before you leave me? Uh, you're asshole. Call back. I'm gonna.
Starting point is 00:54:56 This is gonna be awkward, but I have to leave in like 10 minutes. Um, it's gonna be great. We're gonna, this is a podcast gonna pick up. We're like, I guarantee it gets exponentially better. I'm running. I'm gonna pick up like I guarantee it gets exponentially better I'm right I don't not right off. I don't mean you No, they're all Karen eat it
Starting point is 00:55:18 I eat would you hang on would you if she's if Karen was like I'll give you whatever percentage of the only fans of that particular post, would you agree to go full in search? I would agree to chop my dick off and transition. I did it ready. I was praying to scream of alter. Podcast. Hell yeah. Bye guys, podcast.
Starting point is 00:55:41 I animal69 on Instagram, Twitch and Twitter. I truly love you guys This is so fun. I really enjoy going ribbing each other, but it's all with love all that Bobby know that you didn't Instagram for the patreon. Oh, okay, well, you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Karen, you're supposed to host my show the one I just did at the, at the fat black. I know, I'm MC and down at McDougal. So I gotta go. Thank you guys. Later y'all. Have fun.
Starting point is 00:56:11 Later Ian. Enjoy yourself. White Ian. That's what it's about. Later white Ian. Bring your coffee. What do you mad that he's leaving? I'm just saying what their seller's bought.
Starting point is 00:56:21 What's the flavor? See, what? What? You want Ian fighting? I'm. You want to fuck that. that see my question was more not about Karen It was more of would you fuck on camera? Yeah for the right amount of money. I have too many tattoos True who forget about the tears like a green man Yeah, you better fucking believe it's me. That's white Later white
Starting point is 00:56:58 W.I. Why is there any more unattractive two letters together than W and I I mean you don't like what? What it looks bad. What makes you say that? Yeah, well white Ian and I was gonna go later W.I. and I went oh you mean like saying it back to back Yeah, I don't feel good some people feel good MC feels good. I'm see is good. MC feels good BS Good MC feels good. MC is good. MC feels good. BS. That feels good. Yeah. You guys ever feel there's things you say out loud and then like you're inner monologue and that happens at the same time. I thought that's what the theme of this podcast was. Just come out here. Don't think just say it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're we're this is a verbal
Starting point is 00:57:40 more shocked. I did kind of try to think a little bit before I speak really I never got that vibe for me really never not once but you were free let's talk about the war this a war yeah bad one I rack again no no they're gone Karen finally we killed that was annoying yeah no the war is between Dix and Karen's asshole. Who's winning? Karen. Karen.
Starting point is 00:58:09 Thanks for coming, Brandon. Anything you want to talk? Karen's asshole. You're just doing white dance. You're just doing white dance. I'll just do it white dance. I've done a very good job loosely hosting this. Yeah, you're doing great.
Starting point is 00:58:21 It's been an hour and the assignment. Do you know what you've done poorly on though? It's self-assessing. No. Yeah. Do you think I'm lacking self-awareness? Did my hosting abilities be? No, you've been great.
Starting point is 00:58:37 I've held this paper up a couple times. What's on the paper? Everything for the Patreon portion. Patreon, Patreon, Patreon. Yeah, Bobby has a big Patreon. He's on the paper? Everything for the Patreon portion. Patreon, Patreon, Patreon. Yeah, Bobby has a big Patreon. He's got great fans. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Yeah, so we're about to light up the Patreon.
Starting point is 00:58:54 Sure, let's do it. You heard it from Ryan? I'll stick around for it. If we can do it right now, it's a game. No, I thought you were leaving. No, you're not. Stay. Stay.
Starting point is 00:59:03 I'll stay and I'll leave during the Patreon. Okay, we'll be right back with the Patreon. Nicole, am I supposed to say anything else? You should all do your plugs first. Everybody plugs, I'm sorry. Plug. Okay. Who wants to go first?
Starting point is 00:59:15 You're next. Yeah, if you're watching live, which is this, no, we have no internet. So you're not. I was just in Seattle. It was super great. I have a bunch of dating and I had a comedy.com. I'm going to Mexico, Tampa, to Mexico with the Bobburt Kelly. That's going to be super fun. And then I'll be in Aruba at Aruba Rays. If anybody is out there, the 20th through the 25th March. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:34 Me too. Hell yeah. There you go. Nice. Hang it out. This is going to be great. You're bringing your lady. Yeah, and my son. Yeah, it'll be super fun. Nice. And then I'm going to Alaska. Hell yeah. With Nicole. We're doing what's still a end anchorage and filming the whole thing. It's gonna be Bear Grills comedy. That's available at patreon.com slash scenario pod. Hey, if you're already spending bucks
Starting point is 00:59:56 wanna tack on five more and get some goddamn content out of it. Oh yeah, check out. It's awesome. Check out the podcast. Here's the scenario. Also, on the, if you are in Boston April 1st and 2nd I'm playing Nick's comedy stop. Please come out to that and then me and Mikey boy are 15th and 16th going to be at comics Roadhouse
Starting point is 01:00:16 Right what okay, and then And then oh and the 26th me you and Fini are doing the and then oh and the 26th me you and Fini are doing the email. Oh, it may as a leader in a Mayas Pennsylvania come out to that. It's the three of us. We're all doing stand up and we're doing here's the scenario pod live. That's going to be a super fun show. It's a theater. So we need to fill it. Hell yeah. And this is way too far in advance, but May 13th. Never mind. Too far in advance. Go to brentzagolo.com.
Starting point is 01:00:47 Yeah, hopefully. Mother's Adropia. He literally added up there. We found it on our show. On the show, yeah. We went to my website and filled out the newsletter and it told you exactly where my mom lives. Okay, thanks for being a fan. Here's access to my mom.
Starting point is 01:01:06 Go go rape and murder her. It's great. How do you get around with my own two legs? What's your plugs, buddy? Thanks for shooting it to Ian. I just kind of wanted to give it a minute. I have my comedy center, especially is streaming on YouTube.
Starting point is 01:01:24 It's called, thank you. It's called Growing Shame, watch it, leave a positive comment. I'm gonna be a helium comedy club on March 8th, doing one night only there. And I'll be back in Philly on the 19th doing a Frankie Bradley's, like some bar show, I'm supposed to be cool. And then April 8th and 9th, I'm at Roar Comedy Club in the MGM in Springfield, Matt. So come check me out. My shows are fun.
Starting point is 01:01:48 Are you gonna go to the hall? Yeah, I did. I did it with Norman. I went out open for Norman. I did it. We went to the hall of Fame. We went across the street. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Starting point is 01:01:56 Awesome. Thanks for listening. Oh, my pugs, follow me. I'm on the clothes of that. Follow Karen's asshole stretching adventures that only fans. Follow the trail of shame. You should do that on the only fans. You're like so it's like a fighter with the road to the the to the hell. But with your assholes. And every week you get a bigger
Starting point is 01:02:22 comb handle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but like 20 bucks a gave, like what are we doing? Yeah, well, what's the biggest tier? No, I don't know. Because it gives you tears. It also gives you wings. I have a podcast called OnlyFans and check out my cartoon care and socks. It's on YouTube.
Starting point is 01:02:38 I did a really great job, guess hosting. Thank you. Yeah, good job. Put that out into the universe. See you on the tron. Okay Nicole, now what? Stick around, it's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now
Starting point is 01:02:54 exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber kelly. See you there. No, no, we're wrapping up. We're supposed to go until 950. I got on the picture 930 lucky what it says on the paper and I have to I still have to read all the names Yeah, no branding on three two three no I'm waiting Nicole should now and rocker Nicole should I read the names?
Starting point is 01:03:21 Are they really? Yeah, yeah? Okay, hey guys guys we want to thank our new patrons okay Karen you guys it's like really mean why you're you're gonna get past I don't know guys yeah me neither not after this fucking no not after Bobby his this the bottle it's like what the fuck was I think this was fun this This was great. What do I thought you were back? I have to read like 12 Frank theorella the third is a new patron I like really glad that he's here. There's three of you rob no last name. Love a no last name Rob Good old Bob Bob. Bob Rob, Robert, Bob Oh, William Valentine, Jonathan grainy, Matt Campion.
Starting point is 01:04:08 They started their moment. They sound like a group of friends. I'm just saying like, it's campion. When I saw that group, I'm like, these guys played lacrosse together. Yeah. And now their patrons, Andrew Kravitz. Kravitz Lenny's brother.
Starting point is 01:04:22 Oh, so that's nice. You must be from the Jewish side. He has some expendable income Steve Stevenson Steve Stevenson. Good name. Yeah, I knew an Andrew Andrews Not bad Good really did good just weird the double name is funny because your parents are funny move. Yeah, it's intentional Yeah, not like you just missed it Yeah, it's intentional. Yeah. It's not like you just missed it.
Starting point is 01:04:43 Yeah, you're like, oh, you're fucked. We already filed the last name. This is an interesting name. Shandran Higgins. Oh, Shandran. Sounds like, you know, a British noun, Shandran Higgins galloping right across. No.
Starting point is 01:04:59 What? All right. The valley of the shadow of the... Bricks, that's the name. You're a dynamic talent. Bricks that's a dynamic talent bricks. We are I see That's a name bricks bricks B. R. I CCS. Yeah, they're not necessarily giving you what's on their license I don't think any of the names are real. I think maybe a few of them. I think Maybe they're not bur Birdo. Birdo. And doichku. Doichku. Not me, I think is real. German coup. It sounds like doich. That's a form of money, right? A doichmark? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:36 Yeah, that's the German currency. Oh, I thought it was like how German say doi. Well, that no. Doich is German. For like the. Doich land is Germany. Are you German? No, I took German in middle school And that's kind of all I know Oh, I took French I took Spanish. I took Spanish in college. Yeah, me too I took Spanish for seven years. I mean, I'm taking a lot of Spanish though. Yeah, doesn't that come with an upbringing? Well, I had it, but I wanted to really like... I'm the only one who learned to possess. I really wanted to learn it.
Starting point is 01:06:07 Oh, I know English, and I didn't, but you attempt and it's fine. Yeah, you're not fluent. Yeah, I am. Could you conjugate a verb in Spanish? I can conjugate a verb in English. Okay, thank you for listening to the Patreon episode. You know what? Slat podcast. Could you give me the names of all those people, because I want to send them money or
Starting point is 01:06:27 Just just like you told you told you good stories Let's break those were good stories. I think you were the star of the patreon. I came back. We all had some laughs I mean, it's just like everybody like we're every time you fun and then there's all this like heavy like you know Like this give them their money back like come on. Yeah, you're right. I mean what do we got we got to go to 10 We got eight minutes. Can we we don't I think we, come on. Yeah, you're right. I mean. What do we got? We got to go to a 10. We got eight minutes, can we? We don't. I think we go to 9.50, right?
Starting point is 01:06:49 You're good to go as long as you want, but we do need the ad read before you go. Fuck me. And read it, sister. I wanted you to tell a story. I've been telling stories this whole time. No, but I wanted a specific story. Which one did you want me to tell?
Starting point is 01:07:00 Just your worst dating story. My worst dating story. I was see how it compares to like the shit I've been through. I went on, um, it's not, the guys apartment was filthy. Like I went on a Tinder date, and this way I'd never met him before. And I, you want straight to his place? No, he walked me under a bridge first. I must have been drinking during this. Actually, I wasn't.
Starting point is 01:07:20 I was like newly sober actually. I was just making poor decisions. See, and you talk about me. I would, this is a long time time ago like you're doing this now. I'm your age when you were a long time ago. That's true. That's very true. I'm still disgusted in my past self. So I'm disgusted in your present. That's fair. I'm young you in this story. Gross. Now. She was gross. X-Same. One guy I nicknamed Tinder Tyler, I dated him because I thought that it's backyard would be great to throw a comedy show at. And then I end up dating him for three weeks and I was like, oh, this guy sucks.
Starting point is 01:07:53 He wears hiking boots all the time. Oh, that guy. Yeah. You know that guy. Cuff jeans. Yeah. Cuff jeans and hiking boots. So wait, what happened with gray socks?
Starting point is 01:08:03 I mean, nothing really. Like, he just like walked me under her bridge, like to make out with me and it was uncomfortable. And I didn't have sex with him. Oh, that's sorry, he's very anti-collimatic. I don't, yeah. That's your worst dating experience.
Starting point is 01:08:15 I don't want to clog my toilet on election night. You let strangers in your home. I just, like when Trump got elected, it was a weird time. It was a weird night for everyone. I mostly always had boyfriends, like my whole life. like I don't have a shit ton of dating sleeping around stories Unless I was in a relapse. I had a girl clock my toilet and my bathtub on two different occasions What's going on? Like what is the toilet was a shit and the bathtub? She wanted a razor I got a razor and he shaved in my bathtub and it was just full of pubic air
Starting point is 01:08:45 Yeah, you can't just like people up along the beach like where are you getting? Kardashian these are like finding these are not the women like they sound like the first woman Like it's not what you think like these are it's a seno man Tractive women It's like a more attractive women. Like both of them were very close. Hairy legs and diarrhea. Shit, one. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:07 Are you showing me a shit or the dog? No, no, I wish I had this shit. I'll show you her picture. I can't, like they must have just been like this comedian's dick. It's going to be so good. That's not even a deal breaker. If somebody clogs my toilet, I'm just like just wet wipe it
Starting point is 01:09:19 or shower for a second. Well, she didn't tell me about it. She just kind of left. And in the morning, I had to go to the router and it cost me like $400. No shit. To get this shit drained. Yes, shit.
Starting point is 01:09:28 What was in her shit? I mean, I've logged a toilet in her. A pound of his come, apparently. It just caulked to the thing solid, and then just fed down his pipes. I have to do this, Adry, while you look for this hot girl picture. Other page got deleted, but she's cute.
Starting point is 01:09:46 So, uh, the sponsor this week that we'd love to thank very important Gunter Law Group, you guys. Oh, yeah, I love, I love everything about this. She's cute, everything about it. She's, he can also be lying. He can just go to. She shit. I'd be fine with it. I'd be fine with it.
Starting point is 01:10:05 I'd be fine with it. What time of night was it? Do you guys have wills? Have you guys started wills for your families? Yeah. You have a will? You have a family? No.
Starting point is 01:10:16 I leave my son, my podcast. Oh boy. So he gets to you. You got to do a two tragedy. Right. I'm losing his dad and then running a pot. And then working with son. And then working two tragedy. Right. I'm losing his dad and running a pot and then working with son. And then working with son. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:29 Friend and was great tonight. No. We've just lose no joke. Just know if we learned anything over the past two years, it's to be prepared. You guys not just in terms of food, water, and toilet paper, but also in terms of getting your legal house in order before it's too late.
Starting point is 01:10:44 That's right. I mean, we're gonna get new. Right? So, I mean, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but certainly 10, 20 years from now. It's inevitable that the quote, as society continues forever, the chances of that do increase. Right. I mean, we're gonna die. No, I'm gonna die.
Starting point is 01:11:02 Well, that's for certain. I'm gonna die and maybe like a you said it in all of us. Like a freak butt plug accident. Yeah, for sure. You're there. Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna start a will. You guys should too.
Starting point is 01:11:14 Wait, this is a website to start a will? This is our ad read. Oh, yeah. You've been really helpful so far, but then you just ask what it was and that makes it seem like. No, it's great. You have to clarify what,
Starting point is 01:11:23 because I wanna do this. It's like, Gunter Law Group. that makes it seem. No, it's great. You have to clarify. Because I want to do this. It's like, don't, don't, don't, go to a law group. Gunter, law group. Gunter, law group. Great. Yeah. You're going to start a will with M111.
Starting point is 01:11:31 The very least, just consider a will, a medical power of attorney and a DNR, a D. Do not recess a D. Do not recess a D. Directive so that your loved ones don't have to decide whether or not to pull the plug on you during one of the most painful points in their lives.
Starting point is 01:11:43 But what if we want to cause that problem with you? Yeah, what if you were like, my family screwed me enough? I want them to live with this. I'm gonna leave my vegetative state to them, juggle. So they have to hold on to that. Could you tell the guy that, like I wanted in the thing that my uncle has to make
Starting point is 01:12:00 this decision that could be in the will. Yeah, yeah. No, I wanna be like, if my heart's still beating, I want you feeding me through a tube and wife in my asshole day and in the out. Yes, I want my uncle and his ex wife to decide. Oh, come together and make a united decision on whether they pulled a plug or not.
Starting point is 01:12:15 I want you to vote as a family. Yeah, yeah. Should we keep you all possible through Gunter Law? Gunter Law. At the end of the day, it's one of the most loving things you can do for your loved ones. And I agree because I put my dog to sleep at home. So I get it. I understand what it's like to.
Starting point is 01:12:29 I think we should put people to sleep earlier than we do. Your dog had a robust estate and he figured out how to delegate the assets through Gunter Law. He went to Gunter Law. There's a shit ton of bones on every little corner. I hit a bone in your bed. What? He ain't no Elizabeth. He's so flartacious. You hit a bone in your bed. What? You know, Elizabeth.
Starting point is 01:12:45 I mean, so flertate, you know, I feel about you. I think that's something Patreon, like that. It's exciting. Yeah. You see your flirts, right? Yeah. What do you mean, you guys, do you smoke about this before? No, I'm just watching.
Starting point is 01:12:57 Why'd you say you see? I'm just watching and hoping. You know, thank you. I got a hundred comments, by the way, but back to Gunther Law. That means we have to do it. 125, but back to Gunther Law. So what does that mean give you a new answer. 125, but back to Gunther Law. So what does that mean?
Starting point is 01:13:06 We have to do any law. We want to Jim and Sam. I said, if she... He and brought this up just to... I did not bring it up. You did. He wanted to talk about it. He was dying to talk about it.
Starting point is 01:13:16 Bring it up after you nailed this. Gunther Law, everybody get a fucking will in order. You know, being adults, like, you should think about the future. Think about people you're gonna leave behind. If you're anywhere in Texas, contact Kyla Gunner at Gunner Law Group for a free 30 minute consultation and discuss your options, go to GunnerLog Group.com. How do you spell that? It's Gunter, as in, you know, the character from friends, but...
Starting point is 01:13:40 So, T.H. No. And he passed recently. No, it's not. So it's not so it's not you you n t e r l a w dot com log group. So it's guntur log group.com. No t h just a t. That's right. Is there a promo code? Absolutely. If you mentioned why w k y k w d I'll knock off 25% that's great. That's a great deal the Gunter family and I mean all that a 30 minute free consultation
Starting point is 01:14:09 I mean, I don't have a lot of friends. I like chatting with people. Yeah, 30 minutes of fun Yeah, the way I hear it and 30 minutes is an eternity. I mean if you listen to the Faka and attorney at T Yeah, there you go. Yeah, And they also do paternity tests. Perfect. This is illegal. Oh, no. OK, great.
Starting point is 01:14:30 Yeah, nailed it. Right, Nicole? So what? You're not attending the last line. Read the last line. This is a legal advertisement is non-intended to be specific legal advice. Yeah, you nailed it.
Starting point is 01:14:39 OK. Killer. So what happened? You said you and Karen were going to have a pass. We were having a Bank mic for hosting tonight. You're welcome We were having a fun time on Jim and Sam and and Jim and Jim asked me what would it take for me to hook up with Karen Sure, and I I said jokingly if I get 50 tweets
Starting point is 01:15:00 Let me from their fans saying to hook up with Karen. I will do it. And what a master manipulator of the internet. Right, and he said good for you. And Jim suggested he was like, what if we get them the comment on your special? And I was like, okay, if I get 50 positive comments on my special, I will sleep with Karen. Wow. And we're at 125.
Starting point is 01:15:23 Hell yeah. That's anal. I know, we're like, we're at 125. Hell yeah. That's anal. I know, we're like, we're. But in my defense, some people are saying, don't do it. I know, and they're leaving it to Ari Shafir. It's just real comment. Don't do it. I don't do it.
Starting point is 01:15:36 That's great. Are you gonna film it? Yeah. And put it up on her, on Bobbi's Patreon. Yeah. Oh, Patreon, Patreon. Yeah. No, Karen's my good friend, I love him.
Starting point is 01:15:45 Yeah. Oh, that was real legal. That was like legal advertisement. Way to clarify at the end. Yeah, I gun to a law. They represent me. For all the hosts. Hey, thanks for staying, you guys.
Starting point is 01:15:58 Thanks for making this so easy on me because I really struggled, I think, here and there. Yeah, great. I think we also had some moments of greatness We did if it would have been us three we would have really got a cook and I feel like I feel like that too I mean Brennan was so nervous. He wouldn't shut up, you know I know and finance who knows what's going on in his head and I dare boss cock boss Kidding we love them all it was fun. Thank you for having me, Karen. Alright, bye. Are we good? Thank you all.
Starting point is 01:16:25 Yeah! Oh my God. Shitty Doms.

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