Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Sam Tripoli & Andrew Youngblood | Conspiracy Theories

Episode Date: March 24, 2024

This week Bobby is joined by Sam Tripoli and Andrew Youngblood. They talk about Andrew's crazy trip to Mexico, and Sam blows their minds with conspiracy theories about the Presidents, demons, and ancient civilizations. FOLLOW SAM https://www.youtube.com/ @SamTripoliComedy  https://twitter.com/officialtripoli?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor https://www.instagram.com/samtripoli/?hl=en FOLLOW ANDREW https://www.instagram.com/noyoungblood/?hl=en Andrew's Special, "I'll Tell You This" drops March 28th on https://www.youtube.com/ @marknormand Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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and even $60 Tim's gift cards. Play now on the Tim's app. Rules apply Canada only, no purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Obama's definitely gay and it's like what since JFK we've had you think Biden sucked his dick? I know he's gay. We've had two gay presidents since Obama we've had one straight president two straight presidents two gay presidents and two Andy Dick presidents. What does that mean? Really gay. That would just, that's alcohol is gay.

Like you in Mexico, that would just. God damn it. So JFK and Clinton were both bisexual. George Bush Senior and Obama gay. And then Jimmy Carter and George Bush Jr. straight. My head. Who let a cockatoo in? Listen to me.

What animals make it's the only thing that's keeping me from going in the light. Fucking weird laugh right now, please. Bring you back to reality a little. Yeah baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back, you know what, dude, live. Welcome everybody to the show. I started social media podcasting. The facts.

The YKW Dude podcast. YKWD's back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. YKW, YKW, YKW Dude Podcast. YKWD's back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. YKWD. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God help, you're ruining this. Where's the bomb, Dan?

I'm sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. What's up everybody? It's Robert Kelly. We're back with another episode of You Know What, Dude! YKWD at the Comedy Studio above the world famous Comedy Cellar. We've been here for a long time and we're still kicking it here. I got a great show for you today.

I'm excited about this show. I've been waiting for this show and here it is. Max, who's on the show? We have Sam Tripoli and Andrew Youngblood. I mean, you really got to work on it, Max. That is the whitest Indian I've ever seen. I know. I mean, I lifted it up and went, what do we got?

And he goes, Sam Tripoli and Youngblood. I'm sorry. Can we get a voice? You know how they do that, like, this week, we have Sam Tripoli and Youngblood. Can we do that? Is there a thing we can get for you? Is there a man modulator? Have him do a rail right before and he'll just go full like WWF.

I can't mix whatever he's taking for his autism. I can't mix. I can't mix those drugs. Here's the problem with these fucking lunatics. They party. Yeah. They don't fuck around. Yeah. Like I, I thought when I took these guys out that they would just be nerds sitting there. Yeah. They don't fit around. Yeah. Yeah. Danny, the tall one, the worst of them all face. The worst of them all face. He, he, He gets box.

Really? We have to keep it clean for the first 10 minutes. Anyways, welcome to the show, both of you guys. Thanks for having me. I mean, dude, how long have we known each other, brother? We did a gig, we used to do Beecher's Madhouse together back in Vegas, the greatest hell gig of all time. It was war, like you would walk out to sound,

but it paid phenomenal. Here's the thing, it was the worst gig on paper. Ever, and in life. I mean, both. You could feel sound when you walk out. That's how loud and crazy it was, you could feel the sound. It was at the Hard Rock Hotel, at the peak of the Hard Rock. I mean, when it was, I mean, good times,

when chicks were sluts and guys were pigs. And you could enjoy the sluts. You could, I mean, yes. They were into it. Yeah. We were all into being, we were all in the early aughts, late 90s. We were all like, dude, AIDS is gone.

We can, it was like almost after the pandemic when people just took their masks off and started being together again. 100%. Except we just started banging. Yeah. And it was fun. Condom stock prices just.

Oh, nobody uses them anymore. You started pulling out like it was 79. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe just risk it all. It was so great. Hope she didn't want a kid. Yeah. You know what I mean? Maybe just risk it all. It was so great. Hope she didn't want a kid. You know what I mean? It's at the Hard Rock, and he would fly you in on,

I think, Wednesdays. The show is Saturday, and you had to do 15 minutes. Saturday show, 15 minutes. Three days, are there? Because it was a buildup of just anarchy party, chaos, midgets, African dancers. Yep. Top list. I mean, strong men. It was just a guy balancing a moped on his chin. Yeah, dude. It was crazy. And that's like, come out and do stand up, like just an assault on your senses.

And then quiet. Listen to me talk. All those things are real things that were there. 100% show. I thought this was all you guys are just, I'm like, I don't know what that was. 2,500 seat theater packed with, I don't know what generation that was. The best. Yeah. They say, they say world war II was the best generation.

No, no, no. 1980 to nine, 2005. Yeah. Whatever generation that was, they were the best. Yeah. Whatever generation that was, they were the best. Yes. We were blessed. I mean, those guys fought a war.

Yeah. But we did bang. Yeah. We had fun, man. Yeah. No one was offended. We set high scores. We set high scores and nobody cared.

There was no, there was no, no one was getting report. I mean, dude. Dude, the pick up lines back then would be felonies today. But yeah, all show you talk to that were like, how does pickup ringing doorbell? Yeah. There's like that pickup artist show that was just like on like regular TV. Yeah.

And guys would watch it and they're like, this is how you get sluts. Yeah. It was ridiculous. Yeah. 100% dude. It was great. You go into the show. I remember going to the show for the first night on Saturday.

And there was a I mean, they mean, they had a fake breast competition. So they would have all these girls that go up there with just awful tits who needed fake tits. Like a double mastectomy. And they'd have a chick with just saggy tits and they'd go up on stage and pull their tits out, and the place would go nuts. They had a stripper table, they had a hooker table,

they had a famous people table. The swingers, all the Vegas swingers would show up, and then if you got lucky, it was great. And you know who enjoyed it? Women, women, it was mainly women. How weird it got. Britney Spears was there, Paris Hilton was there. That was like the best thing I've ever heard of. It was the great is, but dude,

when you walked out, I remember one time Beacher had me come out and I don't know if it was with you, but E entertainment news was there. Yeah. And rape. This is a true story. I'm about to go up to like, hold on. Paris Hilton wants to go out. And I'm like, what? You're going to have me fall Paris. And dude, this was at the height of her power. And dude, you you she walked out and you think Nelson Mandela just got released from prison the place What not she's like and she was just like is it this great? I love beach. Oh And she just would do that and then she got done they're're like, now Sam Tripoli. And I walk out of here. And this was it, man.

I would just start doing jokes and nothing, nothing. And then it would just, I started getting a couple boos. Boos, boo, boo, boo. And I'm like, I'm about to bomb here. So they always told me the key to the show is getting the women behind you. So I bail on my act. I'm like, dude, how hot are the women?

Give it up for the lady. And it goes for me getting booed. I get on my act. I'm like dude, how hot are the women give it up for the lake? And it goes for me getting booed. I get a standing Oh, I walk off stage. You're like, we've never seen that before Yeah, once the boo birds come it's fucking over. I say myself dude Yeah, it was let me tell you something. It was the most nerve- wracking show crazy and I knew who was gonna bomb Because I performed with a couple people and they were calm. They were like it's a regular show They were just chilling in the green room having drinks having giggles blowing their load Blowing the load and i'll be back there like like dead like ready like creed Sweating I had vaseline on my eyes and because I knew once you went out there, if you bombed,

you weren't coming, it was a catch 22. It's like you never wanted to go back, but you wanted to be back. Because of the craziness that would happen. I was there one night and they had, it's a circle bar. So everything's in a circle. So it's just the smokinest people, human, just circling. And they had a drum kit, I think it was from The Who,

it was Moon's drum kit. And this long-haired dude just went like this, woo, took out sticks, jumped on the kit, da-bap, da-bap, da-bap, da-bap, boom, boom, bap. The place is going, whoosh. And then he just jumped off and ran through the crowd and everybody protected him because the security was coming And they just blocked security it was crazy. She's like that. This is how funny this guy is He just blew out his tendons some dead orgasm

Yeah, and then you went up and with one leg and you still freaking crush. I remember that I'm like wow You had a funny guy you had to get the chicks Yeah, I think it you're right up you had to get the girls because it was just tables of The worst type of girl to get smoking hot Smoking hot Vegas girls who were there to party and get laid. They have the attention span of a good hummingbird. Yeah Yeah, and dude and what but if you got him if you said one thing You were in and they were like fucking I want him and then you go to the part fuck the show. Yeah Oh, yeah downstairs Best dude, let me tell you something. So after at the end of the show

Hopefully you killed you have to come back out on the show. Yeah, and all the dancers Yeah, the Beacher dancers, which were Smoking yeah, they would come out and you just be dancing with all these half naked girls Things would be falling and then you went to this party on Saturday night. Let me tell you something you didn't leave till Monday, you gotta stay Sunday because Sunday was the pool day and It was the craziest probably the craziest time in sobriety, where I was like, I think I'm drinking. This is the same feeling I have.

You were sober that far back. Dude, I was sober since I was 15. But at that point, I'm like, this feels like I'm drinking and using a lot of drugs. Like, I remember going back to my room on Saturday night like five and be like I relapsed Yeah, this is technically a relapse what I what I just saw and did. Yeah is a relapse I should stop my dates over again I remember when I first got sober and I would go out and I'd be like, oh, I'm not gonna drink But I'm gonna pound a thousand Red Bulls and then the next day my head was flighty and all this stuff

But I remember doing the show and I used to have a joke about it where it's like, you know You're you're trying to get laid and you're like you're going all night nuns happening And then you just your but I literally is happening me I was about to walk out and this one girl stops me and she says the three most amazing. Oh my god You were in the show. You were so funny then I can't find my friends. I'm like, Let's go bro. It was like hitting a jackpot. Yeah, right there. Like ding ding ding. That was it dude. It was crazy. I remember I had some of the, because it was, uh, he had the same crew. You, it had to be like

Steve Burns, Steve Burns Steve Burns Sharad Dolph David off. Yeah, it was a certain type of dude that can muscle that room I remember one time Steve Burn did the funniest thing ever because he would come out and do he had a trick Where he would go with hey, what's up everybody on this side of the room you guys he did the rock shit like that Ressa, what about you guys? This guys are a little better, right? I don't know you got it Please go and fucking nuts deeper in a savage

He's savage but he fucked up one night cuz he got so into it He ran out into the crowd and the place is going and he went too far back. So it was like crowd and the place is going and he went too far back so it was like he had a walk it's like a half an hour in silence and then roll back up on stage like jump and roll and it was like what's up and it was like dead it ruined I was like oh shit I was dying upstairs now here's the funniest thing so he would have like let's say he started maybe with four comics, right? And then one comic would bomb so bad who go down to three comments. Yep, then a comic would bomb so bad He'd go down to two comments Yeah, and the one comic that was hilarious because I remember the story was when bill burr did did

because I remember the story was when Bill Burr did Beecher's madhouse. I was there. He went there and he opens up about futons. Yep. About sleeping. This is how long ago Bill Burr's still doing futon jokes at this rock party and everyone's just like, well, you know, Bill won't get off stage.

He's like, I'm doing my fucking time, right? He doesn't give a fuck. That's when Bill Burr, I think that show, when he was like, I'm doing my fucking time, right? Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck. That's when Bill Burr, I think that show, when he was like, I'm done. I'm not taking shit from these fuckers. And he built up a dossier on everybody in every town, in every city. He has something on anybody.

So if that happens again, oh yeah, fucking Vegas, you're back at bad Paris Hilton. And would annihilate everybody. I remember that show, I was on that show. I was there, there was a couple people that took a hot one and I felt bad, because it wasn't them, it was just. Crazy. You had to grab the wheel of the bus and just drive it.

It wasn't about comedy, it was about survival. Yes. And the payoff after. And to be a single dude, I hope I was single. Let's date this. Yeah, single before my wife. Anyways, that was a piece of shit back there.

She knows. She has. I'm done now. We're different. It was different. Yeah. Could you imagine? Like we were at a casino this weekend.

I went to my room. I love going to bed. I did that last night. I was like, we had him and I run the dojo and we had a black award show last night. And nobody got shot. It was great. A black what?

It's a black award show. You too? Yeah. Two white guys. It was called the Grifters, and it was just me and black people. It was awesome. Nobody got shot.

We were all super happy. It's great. Yeah, I did. What were the awards for? It was, these guys give awards for people who try to grift off the internet. It was really funny. And it's amazing how many people win a grifty

and come and accept their fun. That's hilarious. Yeah, it was funny. What's a's what's what's a good grift? What were some of the grifts the people's grift grifter of the year? What do you do or drifter sports grifter was great? What's a sports grifter? What is like? It's like Travis Kelsey and it's like oh my god He's like takes 20 mil to push on visor on everybody that he's making out with that fucking to push on visor on everybody. Then he's making out with that fucking four by four. Travis Taylor, Swift dude. Like this guy only bangs like futuristic blacks. And now he's

doing the flattest ass you've ever seen in your life. Yeah. Am I losing everybody? No, no. He's just a room full of Swifties. He's for the beastie boys. You got the beat up boys over there. He's changed so much. Like his early interviews were always so funny. He was literally wearing a durag, speaking in a black set. And now he's like marketed to everybody. Dude, he's full wigger. Now he's dating the whitest chick you've ever seen in your life.

I just thought, I was just watching this weekend. Danny, what was that guy? Dudeski? Datski? The black dude with the beard? I don't remember the name. OK, I'm going to tell you this guy. Do you know this guy? This has gotta be some type of grift.

It's, if it's not, it's Drew Ski. Drew Ski, that guy. Do you know that guy? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Buddy, you know him? I'm sorry. I've seen his face before.

He's got a million commercials. Dude, he's got a show. Yeah. Where he's like kind of like records Yeah, something like I bring it up real quick, dude He he basically bringing people in and it's like I've seen it this chick comes in and she's big big Yeah, big teeth. He's like yo you yo you got a you got a you got only fans. She's like, yeah How many times you on that every day? Yo, yo, you're in you're on the show

You're in sign this paper, but you, I'm going to DM you through your OnlyFans. That's how we're going to connect. He just hooks into a DMs on her OnlyFans. So then this other chick comes in. He's like, yo, you, what's up? She's hot. He's like, you had OnlyFans? She goes, no. He goes, get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Get this bitch out of here. Dude, I don't know how this is on TV. Dude, I love it. Black people have superpowers they do right because black black people are kryptonite to white feminists They can't say anything

Because the only thing worse than sexism is calling a white woman a racist That is like their kryptonite and they just scatter like a cockroach is when the light comes on So they do I love watching black YouTube. Do you ever watch black YouTube? What is black? We stop that's not like a whole nother website No, it's just the YouTube that's just black content. Am I gonna get flagged by the FBI? No, no, I'm not gonna be in a list Am I no you're already on a list am I yeah? What are you talking about? Everybody's on a list what list am I on you're on a shit-talking list? I'm on a am I on a list? Yeah. Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, I know I'm gonna get back to this black YouTube thing. But what I want to talk about is Houston Comedy Club too because it's fucking fire. Have you played his club? No, he hasn't. Oh, it's fucking fire. What club is it? Houston. I'm in Houston coming up. Yeah, we're on the same festival weirdly enough. We're on the same festival. What's the festival? The Riot Festival. Oh, the one I never get invited to? I only do skank fest No one else will let me dance On the same fest he's on my podcast I've never been invited you gotta go I'm not I'm not the man. That's listen. This is a it's a comedy club owned by four comics so throwing it

I'm not like a rich broke asshole the secret group the secret. Oh, dude. I heard about that Yeah, we'd love to have a secret group is great man. Danny. You told me about that, right? Have you played the secret? Autistic to what am I talking about? I've never played there. You're doing your The secret the secret group. Are you listening to your own show? Are you falling apart? Did his batteries come out? Plug him in. What the fuck? I'm sorry, Danny, stop. Don't even answer. Get your shit together. I'll come back. Listen, I love Houston. I would powering these in, in in Texas I would play I would play

Houston. It's got the hottest futuristic black chicks number one. Pretty diverse city so you get a whole lot of hot black. What's a futuristic black? Is that a black chick who's into like Star Trek? They look like they're from the future. Really? They're so shiny and hot. Shiny and hot. I see them in Houston. They're all over Houston. I don't know. I'm blinded by all the Mexicans. I love it. I just, uh, he's Mexican. Latina chicks are the only ones taking... I'm on a list because of this show. Yeah. Are we not allowed to talk about this? Yeah. We're saying good things. I think it's fine. I'm pro black. Yeah. And I'm pro Mexican. So, you know. I'm pro, I'm pro, I can't say. I say pro white. Yeah, I like white people.

You say white people too. Are we are we me too at this point? Why do we do me too? It's not trust me. Let's test it. Danny, go grab a tito. Go tweak a nipple. Yeah, go tweak a nipple. Take your dick off. So you are. Listen, I want to get back to you. Fuck, I had a thought and you went over to the Houston club. I'm sorry, dude. It's alright. I love this club. Alright, I love your club too.

What's the name of it again? We have the secret group. I guess I'm not invited. No, you're welcome. Dude, you're doing festivals. I get nothing but Skank Fest. Dude. And I love Skank Fest.

Can I just say something to you? There's no more festivals. Skank Fest is the only one. Yeah, and now love skank and I just say something to you. There's no more festivals skank fest is the only one Yeah And now Montreal went gone because and the only reason people went to Montreal is because you can get la 10 hookers for 50 bucks Well, that's the only reason what are you talking about? There is high-end hookers at the Montreal Comedy Festival fifty dollars American or Canadian American. Okay. That's a different thing That's like $20 more for a ten For a ten a ten a Canadian. I've ever been on chatter bait. Am I the only scumbag here? It's ever been on chatter

What's chatter bait chatter baits those webcam? Are you married? I'm familiar. I've been with my girlfriend 20 years. That's funny I don't like that means is that LA marriage? We're good. We're good. That's the way gay guys used to be I've been with him for 30 years Yeah, that your husband he's we've been together. So what do you get married? I always make the joke that I wish I would have married her cuz I could have gotten divorced by now, you know Yeah, right, but it's like in my family. It's just everyone who's ever got married. Yeah, it's been crash and burn So I told her if you want to stay together, we can't get married. Right. But let me ask, but you guys are in love, right?

Yeah, I love her. You guys are together. She drives me fucking nuts. Of course, dude. That's marriage. Right? I'm in love. She's older than me. Dude, I saw my wife today. I was so happy to see her and she went, yeah. Yeah. What? I went, hi, I miss you so much, baby. Yeah. Do me a favor. Give me that pan out

of that drawer. I was like, I want to hit her with the fucking pan. I mean, that's marriage. Is that considered domestic violence or is that just working it out? No, I always said you can see how happy a marriage is if you look on the fridge and there's a bunch of dents on it and if you put her and it goes right around her head. That's a good marriage. Yeah, it is.

I think you make it to 20 years, it's not domestic violence, it's just working it out. Here's the problem with my wife. She'd probably fight me and There's a chance she could win and I don't want that out there. You have any fighting skills at all I do have fighting skills But my wife had two three older brothers that were like six four that used to beat the shit out of her So she can take a beaten Oh shit I mean my fear is I'll crack her she'll go down and then she'll just get back up and keep coming like a terminator and then just cuts my dick off

Yeah, and walks out with a bloody nose and a black eye. You want to fuck with me? You clock sack? Yeah, she's from Boston. You ever hit a woman? Oh Probably hit my sister when we're kids, but that's Yeah, you know that was a heat check. You're in. Are you married? I'm not. I'm divorced. I made it three years. That's it.

That's all I could do. And I got the fuck out. I couldn't do it. And you still friends with her? No. Oh, god. We like, it's crazy. It was one of those things where we were very similar.

And then when we got divorced, we just went opposite. She married a guy who was the exact opposite of me exact opposite Black and bald no, that'd be great. But no just some like weird tech guy He's like nerdy and stable and normal life and fucking doesn't like stop you right there. Not the exact opposite of you Dante Nero exact opposite of you. Yes. Okay. All right. Yeah, but that guy's close you look like you can give it Ted talk on AI I'm stupid. You look like you just came out with a new flyer. Yeah, I just I only wear black because I think it's slimming Yeah, it's not fooling anybody Yeah, yeah The exact opposite of me he's a tech guy

All right, fine opposite of me. He's a tech guy. All right. Fine. Oh yeah. I hate it. It was no, no. You're good. We both fucking had zings right away. Oh, you're good. Um, no. I'm sorry, dude. I fucking mourn. I'm holding them back. Check out his special. You got a new special. I get out in the middle. What's it? Uh, it's uh, I'll tell you dude. I have fucking more and I'm holding them back. Check out his special. You got a new special on the middle. What's it called? It's I'll tell you this. I like that you're a better host than me.

It's coming out. I have eight podcasts. I do that fucking 15. Yeah, it's coming out March 28th on Mark Norman's YouTube. So who's that? Mark Norman. Just a short gay. You met him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's with the other tall. Yeah. The short case.

And he's short. Yeah. All those guys are gay. They'll be happy. I'll be so happy if they're all fucking each other. Yeah, they're all sucking Shane's dick. I wonder what retard dick tastes like. Strong. I don't know. I tell you what it tastes like.

It tastes like, it tastes like, uh, like ashes and pennies. Oh, fun. You ever watched that, uh, uh, down for love show? Yep. It tastes like ashes and pennies. Oh, fun. You ever watch that Down For Love show? Yep. Because there's the autistic one, which is Love On A Spectrum, which is very wholesome and sweet, right?

And they're like, I want to find, oh. They're like, I want to find true love. And then you're like, oh, this is kind of adorable. And then there's Down For Love. And they do the one-on-ones. And they're like, I'd like to find a girlfriend and sex This is so funny. I live with Down syndrome being like I want to fuck these people Leveling up bro. I've never seen downs more powerful than ever. They're like they're like Victoria's secret

I lived with six Down syndrome elderly men. Well, and comedy. What's elderly? Like 25? 50 and up. They're like dogs. Yeah. I was quick. What's up? Give me that. They were like 50 and up. Oh snap. They were close. I didn't know they lived that long. They do. I mean I was was at the end, but I lived with six of them in a house. A three family house, regular family on the top floor. Yeah. Three on the bottom. Yeah.

Three on the second floor with me, had my own little apartment, and I got free food, $100 a month. I just had to be there from on Monday to Friday from 11 at night to eight in the morning. So I did the overnight. I had to make sure they didn't get up and fucking, you know, do weird shit.

But I found out very soon into living with them that they have the same sex drive as us. Oh yeah. But they don't have gay or straight. They wanna comsies. Yeah, yeah. They wanna comsies. Holes a hole.

But they don't care. So my first week there, I at night, Barry, Down syndrome, long tongue, bald, right? Greatest guy ever. Kind of like this? No, worse. Pot belly. Me two years ago.

But all of a sudden, I heard, bam, bam, bam, bomb, bomb, bomb, and I woke up because I'm my first week of the job I'm like oh my god he needs me. Yeah. Something's happening. Yeah. And I ran over Barry what's wrong? He was jerking off to me. He's going, bomb, bomb, bomb, he goes get out, bomb, get out, get out, he starts laughing, he's like ha ha ha, he's just jerking and going ha ha ha. Dude, I was in a horror. I called my boss, I'm like, he was saying my name, oh no no, she told me. They don't think of- That means they like you. That means they like me, right, exactly. But they knew what they were doing.

I would bring girls back, and I didn't tell them that, I just told them I had weird roommates. I wouldn't tell them- That's so funny. I wouldn't tell them, I wouldn't tell them that they were retarded, right? So dude, these girls would come in and at that point, when they like you, they mimic you. They mimic you.

So I used to wear like bikini underwear cause I was smoking hot Bobby back then. So when they got their clothing vouchers, they bought the same underwear as me. So they would wear it. So I'm sitting there, I bring this chick back and she comes up and you know, that quiet like, you know, oh, this is nice. All of a sudden Barry comes out with just bikini blue underwear. Bam! Bam! And you can't even see his guts just hanging out. And he walks up and he goes, ah!

She's like, hi! I'm like, these are my roommates. And he comes up and grabs her and puts his hand on her ass And she's like ooh, and I'm like Barry. He's like sorry Looked at me goes You know exactly what he was doing. You know exactly what he was doing You want to grab your ass and he used her him being retarded as she's like, it's okay. It's alright. Let him do what he wants as she's like, it's okay. It's all right. Let him do what he wants. Oh, dude. Yeah. I have me too. In a special person. Imagine that dude. That's wild. I mean, you could. Yeah. They threw it up wrong. Dude, they're eventually going to take it. I was there. You gotta play dead. That's what I've learned. Play dead.

They get turned off by you. What do you mean play dead? Like they're, they're always, they got that. You just stop moving. Yeah. They're like, you're dead. They're like, wait a minute. They're not in the next- Mentally retarded people. They're always, they got that. You just stop moving. Yeah. They're like, they're not mentally retarded people. They're not bears. They're the scrap. They come in. Ah, ah, ah. Oh, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. They just walk off. They move on. They move on.

They're like apex predators, dawg. You gotta play that. That's so fucked up. Oh, cut me out of that clip. I tell you what, me and Billy Burr and Patrice when I when I was leaving, I did a show for them and they came and let me tell you something, the guy didn't have a microphone so we had a lavalier. I remember, I just remember Patrice being so mad at me. He was mad at me two times in my life, violently mad. One for putting him on that show.

He was holding a lavalier. He's going, ahem, hello. Just rows of mentally retarded people going, hi, yeah. I'm gonna kill you, Bob. And then the other time was Marco Island. Remember that, Gabe? Oh, no, I mean, he you, Bob. That's crazy. And then the other time was Marco Island, remember that gig? Oh.

No, I mean, he called me up. He goes, yo, Bobby, next time you see me, I want you to run. I'm like, why? He goes, cause you told me this gig at Marco Island was a good gig. Although. And he goes, I'm.

Captain Price. He goes, I performed in front of two Mexicans cooking halibut. I can see them cooking fish, you motherfucker. I'm gonna beat you with a pipe. I'm fucking coming after you. He just hung up. He was mad at me for like two months.

One time Captain Brian had me bring my naughty show out there, which was like this like multimedia adult film star comedy show, and I brought Tara Patrick, and the entire swinging population of Markle Island showed up and it was the former mayor was like the leader of the tribe yeah and it was just a bunch of 40 year old chicks with Nazi helmet tits you're like you're 40 your tits should be down here they're all like anti-gravitational that's how you know they're swingers I love you have

anti-gravitational tits. Yeah and they have the cansa freckles yeah right they're gonna have to have some tits. And they have the cancer freckles. Yeah, yeah. Right? They're gonna have to have some of that removed. Yeah, for sure. They have little band-aids up here from having like a nugget taken off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So anyways, I'm interested, your Twitter is one of my favorite Twitters. Really? Thank you. I love the Jews tweet. And I'm, here's why. I love them. You put the most interesting shit out there.

That's a nice term for it. And it's, and you put these little things on top of it that are always trying to be funny. It's never really, it's never really, it's never really, it's never really like, dude, we're fucking world's ending. You better get your shit together and get snacks. It's a little fuck you, you know what I mean,

which I like that. It's why I like John Stewart. He's funny with it. He's talking about the shit. You know what side he's on. But he's always zinging everybody and he's always, like he was talking about the border crisis and he was talking about, and he showed all the people, there's Iranians, there's always like, he was talking about the border crisis and he was talking about, they showed all the people,

there's Iranians, there's Syrians, there's, you know, military men coming from China. And then it just cuts back to John like, all of them are, there has to be a few podcasters coming in. It's just exactly, you know what I mean? Brilliantly funny, makes everybody laugh. It's full of sugar.

Right, but are you a fan of his? Of his? Of his Twitter? I don't follow his own, I don't do Twitter. I got off of it. Why? I'm not good, I hate it, it's fucking exhausting. I do the other bullshit.

I do Instagram and you know that. You're Snapchat, right? That's what I'm doing. Like if you ever wanted and you're snapchat, right? That's what no like if you Go on snapchat. I thought snapchat was just for like sending that is Russian sex trafficking victims. This is why I love it I mean, is it true is it not you watch how bad the comedy is on snapchat? I didn't know people watch comedy on Snapchat at all. Yeah, it's kind of like a smoke screen for all the...

I thought Snapchat was to cheat on your wife. That's what I thought it was for. But they got to present it. That was the funniest part about Whitney Cummings trying to bring comedy to OnlyFans. You're like, nobody's going to go there for comedy. Yeah, it's pretty nuts. What are you going to tell your wife?

Oh, I'm watching comedy. Right? Yeah, but then why does that girl have a dick? Not Whitney Cummings. Not anymore. We know that for a fact. I heard the reason why OnlyFans is doing the comedy thing now is because they were getting in trouble with the banks and the banks weren't taking their checks or something because it was a porn company. So now they're throwing hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars into comedy

so they can tell the banks now we're a media company. I guess his computer's working again. Yeah. Holy shit. That was a long. Flood facts from the ops. Insightful. Fucking AI.

I heard that they were using comedy again. AI, why is OnlyFans doing comedy? I have heard that banks the banks have taken But His his his I don't do Twitter either. I'm not good at it. I'm not good at that because I'm not against it I don't I have dyslexia. I have ADHD every I've every read out loud last night. Oh dude I went on yesterday and I see a tweet and I'm like Oh, this is gonna be funny. I retweeted it and

It was the joke was the already done in the thing and I retweeted and just saw someone goes Hey boomer, that was the joke stupid and I was like, okay And I wrote back. Hey, don't get snarky with me young man I was in jail. I was in 13, 10 I was drinking, I was doing blow and getting laid at 11, 12. I was in juvie jail at 13. I was fucking a criminal when I was supposed to be learning these skills.

I didn't have them and now I just I get too excited. Words get backwards and I type shit. Then my response to spelling was off and someone I love when he tries to spell. It's Jesus. I'm illiterate. I am illiterate. I admit it. This is me and Voss used to call on ONA. They used to say you stupid. Here's the problem with me. I admit I'm stupid. Voss thinks he's a genius. That's what makes him stupid. That's what makes him stupider than me. I say we're both stupid, probably evenly dumb,

but you're dumber than me because you don't know it. You think you're smart. That's dangerous. Dangerous dumb. Yeah, Twitter is a fucking, I shouldn't be on it. Yeah, you should. You sound like my mom on the internet. By the way, whenever you see, oh no, no these pictures were leaked do not click on that god

Why it has gotten me like 12 times in the last month? Just is the most filthy poor every tweet is like an only fans model. Why wouldn't you click on it? Well, because I'm trying to quit porn. Oh, I keep getting tricked into like Video leaked of P. Diddy like a a P Diddy thing going on right now The audio the audio is out I heard the audio I got it you Milk getting it. Do you want to hear it up to his song? Do I gotta Mill getting it? Do you want to hear it? I woke up to his song. Do I got to change my song? Do you want to hear it? Do you want to hear it?

I do. I'm in. I got it right here. You ready? I didn't know this is. This is it, man. I got it. You may never be here.

This is not going to be real. This is real, dude. Here it comes. This might be the end. This is it. Here it is. Here it is. Ready?

Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit, man! I'm gonna give you a lot of money. Wait, that's not it. It sounds like fucking horses. That's a handicapped person in a relay race. Here we go. No, it's her again.

What the fuck? Oh, they must have took it down. They must have took it down. It's gone, dude. God damn. That sucks. Here, we'll see if it comes up now. All the champagne was spiked, son.

Like, all the champagne was spiked. Everybody was passed the fuck out. I don't drink. I don't drink. So I was playing that shit off. Like, I don't fucking drink. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne.

I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne.

I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne. I saw the champagne was spiked. Everybody was passed the fuck out. I don't drink. I don't drink. So I was playing that shit off. Like I don't fucking drink. I smoke nigga. Like I smoke and I have my own weed, but like everybody was passed out. Yo Diddy had that man in the room.

Yes, I put my ear to the fucking door and I brought the phone because Diddy started going in overdrive. I ain't know what the fuck was going on but I just heard balls slapping against ass cheeks I heard niggas struggling to take dick I heard niggas being like daddy got you and when he start all that daddy this and daddy that and then I heard some hollering and struggling like yeah I kept the phone there and I recorded all this shit cuz I was, this nigga diddy bitch. So I'm finna put the squeeze on

and get me a couple dollars and just saying, you know what I'm saying, there's nobody believed that that was really diddy beating me back in, but now, now y'all motherfuckers believe the video, right? Yeah, there you go. Right away, from now on, I will refer to Gay Sex as hollering and struggling.

That's what it is. Oh, he's one of as hollering and struggling There's something about it where it's uncomfortable because you hear you know It's like like black dudes fucking each other. It just sounds like dudes fuck Like when you're a white dude, there's always one that's the girl was like, oh Oh daddy, yeah, you fucking like that black dude's like come on motherfucker oh shit it's like one of you gotta lighten up and be the girl to make this all right listen to it can't be two dudes well fuck dude dude oh dude fuck you like that Fuck you like that? No, ah shit dude.

They can't be, ah dude, yeah dude? Ah dude, dude, dude. It's me and Billy Burr fucking dude. Dude, fucking dude, fucking easy you cocksucking fucking dude. Dude, dude, ah dude. Dude, ooh dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. Nobody, none of the odds are enjoying this.

No, they're enjoying it. They're like, that's homoph this. No, they're enjoying it. Like that's how I'm a phobic. No, they're not. They're all fucking, these guys are all pieces of shit. Fucking Danny, Danny was in a club last night trying to get, walking around trying to get pussy all night, look like a bird, like a dodo bird. Danny, what is your pick up line?

What do you, how do you throw game at the ladies? I have zero game. You have, but you gotta, what's your initial, hey. I don't know, I just go up, I ask their name and try to start a conversation. No, he goes, can I get your Instagram? Yeah. No, that's not the opening line.

That's the closing line. They want nothing to do with you. Stock them, break them down. I don't know, so yesterday we were at the casino. So we just asked people whether they were in town or if they were at the casino for something in particular, just to start up a conversation and I don't know. And then see where it goes and then nowhere.

Do you have a type? He gets girls, dude. Sam, listen to me. He gets girls. And I told him, I feel like he's gotten girls Where I'm like Did you develop like a ray or something? Where it goes over your skin where they're seeing something? Yeah, like he's saying the Jews are shape-shifters

I think that might be Because dude, he got a girl in Florida. Well, I was get the fuck, I was like dude, I wanna talk to her. Florida though. Yeah, maybe you're right. Yeah, Florida. But she wasn't from Florida. I'm 53. Okay, I'm 51.

Okay. When we were young, like if a girl had camel toe, she had to like leave town and move away. It was a whole different thing. Like the numbers that we could put up today Yeah with what we did in the back. It's like Wilt Chamberlain in the WNBA When we were young all the women were dressed like fucking lesbian lumberjack right grunge All the waitresses were into it. Yeah, now you can't touch a waitress oh it sucks

no you can't go into it yeah they did we used to have fun yeah oh you go through the when you hire new waitress what's up yeah yeah oh i was getting ran through come on dog i remember i had two waitresses i respect you and your person you know hi hey, hey them, thee, they, she, thee. Yeah, crazy. It's over though, the game's over. It's over, it's a different game, and I'm happy. Listen, I'm happy that it went down this way because the man of today,

I was talking about this this weekend, the man of today, of our generation, was what, Elvis was the motherfucking king, Frank Sinatra, and now they have Elon Musk and Bezos. It's a different game. Back in the day, we used drugs in our dicks and muscles and music to get laid, right? You could pull your penis out, and they wouldn't,

they'd be like, they'd be like. That was Ari Shaffir's closer for like most of his career. Just pulling his dick out. Just pulling his dick out. Can't And they wouldn't, they'd be like, they'd be like, that was our, he fears closer for like most of his career. Just pulling his dick out. Can't do it. I'm laughing at those long balls. Yeah. Now these guys are fucking, you have to have millions and be respectful. Yeah. And be a, you know what I mean? Like how unfun is it? It's for girls right now. Yeah. Right. I think they hate it. Actually. I've been with girls where like I Yeah, I've just yeah, you know, I got a couple kids

But where there's like where you know, you're trying to be respectful on that shit and I was like, hey Do you mind if we did she's like why are you asking you fucking psycho? I don't know. I was scared Yeah, you made us ask. Yeah, you fucking scared the shit Female comedians ruined it for everybody. Yeah, they made us ass. Yeah, you made us. You fucking scared the shit out of us. Hollywood female comedians ruined it for everybody. They ruined it for everybody, these fucking Hollywood female comics. They made everything androgynous, why they're out just fucking the staff and married guys.

But they're like, it's so hard to be us. You know what I'm saying? It's sexual. Then they're doing comedy on OnlyFans. It's like, you don't know if you're coming or going, dude. Then you go on the road, nobody hits on anybody. It's just- It is kind of unfair where it's like,

respect me, I'm not sexual, be respectful. Don't come at me like that. And as soon as the pandemic, hey, I'm gonna cook bacon and show you my asshole for eight bucks. Like, hey, do you respect me? I'm not a sex object. But my hour of comedy is about my pussy.

Anyways, right. But it also doesn't work. But I don't care. I don't care. Do whatever you want. Just let me talk about your pussy, too. Yes. That's my whole thing.

Let me talk about farts. Come blow jobs. Yeah. And don't make me feel like a piece of shit. I totally agree, dude. I just shot my special. I'm like, you know what? We're going to do some well-craft-layered dick jokes. Enjoy it. Like, cause that's comedy.

It's not just from chicks either. Yeah. Guys are allowed to talk about pussies too. Yes. But not anymore. No, we got to, we got to, we got to be fucking witty and cunning and talk about shit. That was clever. You can't offend anybody. That's some clever comedy right there. I think it's swinging back. I think it feels like it's, it feels like two years ago, for sure, that's where we were. But I think now, now, you know, I mean, I think there's the fact that even had Gillis on SNL, you can see that it's coming back.

And Brian Holtzman is headlining comedy clubs. That's a sign that we're fucking winning. Brian Holtzman is hosting he's great oh he's the best yeah but he just doesn't care yeah he's so funny and it's just like people bringing him out knowing he might walk half the crowd he will totally walk at least one big why is he gonna walk what is he doing I mean just listen I bring comic comics down in the three groups Clowns. Yep shit talkers. Yeah and outlaws. Okay, and he's an outlaw. He just doesn't care Yeah outlaw. I want to be an outlaw, but I feel like I'm a shit-talking clown. You're a shit-talking clown I am I want to be an outlaw clowns. What do I gotta do to be an outlaws shit-talkers become legends

Can I all right? Can I I play clubs? Shit-talkers become legends. Can I, all right, can I, I play clubs. Yeah, but you're such a killer, dude. But can I do something to become an outlaw? What do I have to do? Pull your dick out. Do I gotta get warts? Drop a couple N-bombs.

Should I get warts and show people N-bombs? Well, listen, you end up losing. Don't go Kramer on that. You're talking about an outlaw back in the 1800s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Arrr! You live in... Houston. You live in Houston. You live in Houston. And you're not married now. Not married. Single. You got two kids. Two kids. One Mexican, one white. Yeah. Pretty

exciting stuff. He told a great story on those two gay guys podcasts. What's the name again? Joe List and Mark Normanris. Yeah, that. Two stars of stories. Yeah, no, they're great. They're gay. He told a story in front of a room full of people. This is what I love about comics. And I was trying to explain this to Danny today.

You can sit there and write as much as you want. You can be as good as writing up a setup and a punch and a tag and have as much new material as you fucking want But there's funny people and then there's people who do this as a job Who learn how to do it and they do it and they they can swing their act and they're funny I'm not I would never take away and you know, I love writers Gary Gorman one of my favorite and one is a man That's bad. I love but he's funny There's Gary Gorman one of my favorite and one of the best at it, but he's funny

He's funny with if you did he was funny back in the day and he used comedy to get out his shit Yeah He went on stage and revealed that guy went on quick comedy became a teacher We did shock therapy and then wrote an hour about it Yeah, and said fuck you great and it was like wow that to me and he told a joke in front of, he told a story, I don't know if it's in your act. Nah, it's actually not. It's just a fucking crazy story. Why don't you put it in your act? It's crazy. It's pretty wild. I will say. But he told the crowd at the Gramercy. He told everybody, this is why I love it. He just told the story and there was, we all had questions.

We kept stop, he wanted to just tell the story, but we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. One guy took it and then he put it in another guy's mouth. What? And he's like, what? By the way, I just wanna say, the future of comedy to me is authenticity. Yes.

The more real, it's like the exact opposite of what it was in the 80s. It was like the more authentic you can be, the more honest you are about how retarded you are, the more people love that because they're looking for a lighthouse in the sea of shit. So I don't even know, the little bit he told me, that's the story you should be telling on stage. The fact that he told that in front of Norton, Mark, me, and Joe, three killers who are going to... That's four people, so what was that?

Yeah, one of them's not. Um... That's good. Me. And, I mean, Norton had it, but he doesn't have it anymore. No, I'm kidding. He's one of the fastest guys in the world. But the fact that you told that in front of us,

but he went down there and he was in a gay bar. Can I, can you tell me? Yeah, yeah. No, I went to Mexico. I was, I went, so I went, I lived with this girl and she was my roommate at the time. No, no, she's, she looked like, she looked like him. It was not great, but it was my roommate.

I'd be a good looking girl. You'd be hotter than her. So, so we go to Mexico. I'm just a broke 25 year old. You know, she's like, I got you. Right. And she's like, I'll pay for everything. Let's just go. And I was like, that seems a little weird, but hey, I'm broke. Why not? I'm never going to have been to Mexico. I go to Mexico. We're walking down the street. It's Matamoros, Mexico. There's like a main street. And then, and then there's this guy out front of this bar and in Spanish she goes $13 all you can drink and we're like hell yeah that sounds fucking awesome so we go up we

get in and they have a buffet style bar like it's serve yourself like horchata containers of liquor like it's fucking weird and we get hammered and we're uh we're partying we're having a good night this girl walks up to me she's like hey you want to talk to my friend and like, yeah, I'd love to meet a Mexican woman on here. And then we're like dancing a little bit more. Almost suddenly I'm surrounded by like eight to 10 guys. And I was like, Oh shit, we're in a gay bar. And I'm like hammered at this point. I'm like, I don't know how to get out of here. Plus there's a fucking, there's a language barrier. I don't know how to say like, I don't want to just just there's also an exit yeah this is what he does this is what I do I go I gotta go to the bathroom I was like I'll

figure that out which is code I mean literally it's literally yes yeah when you're in a gay bar when you want to suck dick you go I gotta pee and then everybody goes with you yeah yeah and so I walked to the bathroom I go in the stall I'm like just sitting there pretending to pee with my cock out and and then two guys follow me into the stall That's another code to saying I have to pee and not peeing. Oh, yeah Setting myself up for failure here anything senior. Yeah And one of them grabs my dick and starts sucking it I was like, oh shit And then the other one grabs it out of his mouth puts puts it in his. And I was like, this is feeling pretty good. But I was like, I was like, literally I was like, I support you guys.

I don't really support this happening. So I got to get the fuck out of here. And security comes in like bangs on the door. And I was like, I wasn't doing anything. I didn't do anything. And I get up and I leave and I grab my friend. I was like, we got to get the fuck out of Here where you did you get hard at all? Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, it's fucking good. What are you talking about? So he comes in you're like, I'm not doing anything while you're yeah Yeah, yeah. I mean it was fucking whatever. You know, it is it felt good your dick smells like tequila tacos Good and it's so funny that you you supported. Yeah, how long did you go before you told them to stop? First of all, dude, you don't have to be politically correct in Mexico It's not like it was San Francisco where they're gonna have a parade at your hotel the next day

He took our dicks his dick out of her mouth and said mean shit. They don't give a shit I mean, they both had wives. I'll say I say they didn't give a shit I mean they both had wives I'll say I say they're not no they're like also they're like acid like a little gauge twinks they were at makeup on whatever they were my favorite part that one guy was second stick he had enough time to grab it it was quick another guy's mouth Mexicans are fat dude we'll reenact it right now and we'll time it. That's not quick. Yeah. If you're gonna go in and take a dick out, one guy has, first of all, getting hard, right? Were you hard when you were peeing? No. So that getting hard takes a couple one. That took at least trace gulk gulk gulk. Yeah, I'm saying we're probably going gulk gulk gulk. I'm saying we're going gulk gulk gulk yeah 10 to 20 seconds I think we're sitting 10 to 20 seconds in the whole thing. So you're drunk so your reaction time is even slower. They were probably slobbing it for about five minutes. It was probably around 20 minutes.

There was probably more than two guys. There's probably like 13 dudes. Everyone just hit me. They have a photo of him on the wall with a dick in his hand. He's the champion. Like it's a food challenge? You won a championship. He's the greatest gringo in Mexico. Oh, that's so funny, dude. Oh, shit.

That makes me happy when people. We were at a show last night, and I was talking to the crowd and some, I'm sitting there and I'm like, I'm just, I was trying to talk about like, you have it, cause you ever do some gay stuff, like, you know, little gay stuff. We've all done little gonna and I hate that guys or no before. I, I'm glad that that guy's dying where it's like, eh, maybe. And, uh, I was like talking to this couple. I'm like, do you ever did anything crazy? He's like, nah, he's looking at his wife, the older couple. Nah. I was like talking to this couple. I mean, do you ever did anything crazy? He's like nah He's looking at his wife the older couple nah, I'm like you never did anything Wild nothing role play anything is it now. I'm like fuck. I don't believe you he goes

I don't know I pissed on her face once I was like what? The fucking place went oh, I walked off stage I was like, how do you fucking get there? And it was so I got a great P Peeing story. Oh you do you peed on somebody so has one. Yeah. Well, you have never never once I told I said this I real quick I said my I one girl wanted me to pee on her on the phone with her She's like I want you to pee on me and I was like I was like, okay I don't my father my real dad who I never talked to in my life

Really we had spurts at at this point we were talking for a couple months, he clicked in, I said hang on, I clicked over, my real dad, really no relationship really, I said hey, dad, this girl wants me to pee on her, what do I do? He goes, wow, I wouldn't muster up a piss and drink a gallon of water, but you gotta piss, go ahead. Some of the greatest dad advice ever.

If he was only in my life for that long, I was like, great, and that's the way I played it. What is the best lesson your father ever taught you? I wouldn't muster up a piss. I wouldn't drink a gallon of water and muster up a pee, but if you gotta pee, guys, a little great advice. So, yeah, what are you saying? So we were at the Comedy Store one day,

and this woman walks by, and she looks exactly like Miley Cyrus. We're like, holy shit, you look like Miley Cyrus. So somehow, it just, we're at the store. This is during the chaos, and when it was the dark period, somehow I got to, would you pee on me? I don't know how we got to this. But she's like, yeah, I would pee on you. And I go, you'll never do it.

She goes, I'll totally do it. Next thing you know, we're in the back main room where the dancers used to dance when it was zeros, so there's a shower. I'm laying down, the room is full, people are betting on whether she's gonna pee on, it was like some shit, I do joke about, but it was like some shit like Deer Hunter,

like, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouthow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow Did all the people come? I lay down and she just totally pees on me. I'm like, I'm like, this isn't that bad. So I get up, she starts putting her clothes on. I go, what are you doing? She goes, what? I go, why are you putting your clothes back on? She's like, oh, we're gonna have sex? I go, I'm not a porta potty. This is the whole thing.

And then later on, about six months months later there's the AMA Awards right the American Music Awards and we see Miley Cyrus dancing she runs down the fucking way they're sitting the real Miley Cyrus it was that chick was Miley Cyrus is double in that act she's the one that peed on me when you can actually YouTube it no way yeah she's the one that peed on me when you can actually YouTube it no way yeah she's the one who peed on me I want to know one thing did the people get their money back for betting when you left well they lost yeah okay that was just like that she could do it they yeah stage fright or anything that's digs insane that's I love that the store the dude what was

that 90s yeah no it was like early 2000s. I mean, dude, what a... It was blow and that's all. You did stand up with secondary. And there was no industry there so you could like bomb with dignity. Yeah. It's the purest comedy ever was. Does industry still go to the clubs in LA?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like they're trying to hold on to it, but... Every time I go to the store to hang out, I always see Yeah. I mean, like, they're trying to hold on to it, but nobody can't. Every time I go to the store to hang out, I always see, like, five agents that are like, oh, hey. Yeah. They're all over there. Yeah.

They're all hammered. So listen, I want to get into this really now. Sam's got the Tinfoil Hat podcast, Conspiracy Social Club. I mean, dude, I just found out the dojo, I was trying to work it out for a long time to go out there and do it. I just never could. But then Danny, who has a show, he was like,

dude, we'll work it out, we'll make it right, you know, whatever we need to do to get us, and then I did it, and I was like, it's the best. Thank you, dude. It's the best because they treat you right. I know a club is legit when other comics are there. When the younger generation are hanging out, that's when you got something,

when a community is started, because it's like, oh, this is the place. They're like, young comics always go to someplace like The Cellar, the Boston Comedy Club, or The Stand, and then it was New York Comedy Club. They're the ones there first, and then the other guys come. You know what I'm saying?

So- Community, you gotta have a hangout. It's gotta be a hang, and I thought it was, I had such a blast over there. Thank you, Jesus. Because there's other clubs in Jersey, I'm just like, whatever. Because it's about the moolah.

It's about, you know what I mean? And fuck you. So when you go and you hang out and you feel good and they make you feel important and they care about the comedy and the crowds, I had such a blast. I had such a good time. This is a true story.

So one day I get a call from this chick. She's like, hi, I represent this comedy club in Jersey and they really want you to play there. And I go, what's the name of the comedy club in Jersey and they really want you to play there. Yeah, and I go What's the name of the con club? She goes the chuckle shack. I go tell him I'll play it But I'm not playing a chuckle shack. Uh-huh. And she goes why go I'm not playing a chuckle shack That's the worst name I've ever heard in my fucking life. So he calls me up Mike and he's like what's going on I go dude. I'll play your club. I'm not playing a chuckle shack that's the hackiest shit I ever heard he was I don't know what she named I go call it Tiff's comedy or whatever you called it before that let's

do so I come out and I play the room and it's all white room dude right which is the way your crowd yeah yeah it was an Aryan clan rail. The room was all white. Anthony Cooley was up front. It was like doing standup in like a surgery. Right? So I was like, I'm like, bro, we got to darken this room. So we made a deal because I had a comedy club, like an underground comedy club in LA called the Dojo of Comedy.

So I talked to him, I'm like, let's call it the Dojo of Comedy. Great name. Let's get it going. It's called the Dojo of Comedy. And so we're's get it going. It's called the Dojo of Comedy. And so we're just going, I go, dude, you gotta paint the room black. So the pandemic hits.

He's doing everything to keep it going. He really crushes it, outdoor shows, all this shit. So then it's kind of, we have a down pair. I'm like, paint it black. So he painted it black. He's like, dude, you're totally right. We turned into a mini original room of the Comedy Store. We just put down a nice fucking stage. Yeah. It's gorgeous, dude. Great room, man. And I mean... Mike's great. Mike's too. Romanelli's great.

Yeah, but he's great too because I went in there one time and to do a spot, I think, and he was just the nicest guy in the world. And that means a lot. When you show up, hey man, whatever you need, blah, blah. That little thing of just, man, we're glad you're here makes you feel good. When you show up and there's no parking for you, they're kind of fucking with you, and they treat you like you're one of the wait staff.

I'm out. I'm just out, I don't need it it I can't do these corporate clubs dude that it's like doing stand-up at a Dave and Buster's yeah and it's just some of them I like some of them I like some of them I like it's fine but the dojo is great and you got a new special what's your special called again I'll tell you this Mark Norman's YouTube it's so weird promoting someone else's no. No, it's great! I'm so happy for you! No, it isn't, man. Dude! No, I get it. I understand. It's awesome. It's cool.

I mean, Mark has been a great supporter. Buddy, that's what he should be doing. Of course. It's awesome. Like, Shane Gillis did that about... But it is a funny thing. Shane did it. Louis did it for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, my comic's like way better than your comic, but...

Yeah, it's way better than... Totally. I mean, 100%. But, I mean, he's awesome. But, I... Yeah, it's way better than... Totally. I mean, 100%, but I mean, he's awesome, but no. Dude, that's what they should be doing. I love that comics are picking other dudes up and helping them out and get... Dude, I'm telling you right now, there's some people that didn't do that and it sucks.

And the fact that he's doing that, that's great. I love it. What's the name of it again? I'll tell you this. Tell me, go. March 28th. March 28th. What is it? March 28th, I'll tell you this. What's the name of it?? I'll tell you this tell me What is it? What's the name of it

Well now I gotta change the name I'll tell you this March 28th. That's great. I think 8 p.m. It's gonna release live will be there Okay, I got a game to play listen. I told you before I I love your thank you because You have you have conspiracies and you you you you you've always been this guy and you're passionate about it Yeah, but you're out looking i'm not smart enough and I don't have enough time first grade just so you know fine I did too. I flunked two so held back right you held back. You flunked first grade twice I was I was I was held back in first grade.

Yeah, and then you got held back again? No, one time. Okay, respect. But then I quit school at like 13. I walked in seventh grade. I was out for two weeks. I just was out drinking and drugging. I came back, my teacher went,

nice that you can make it to school. I went, go fuck yourself. And then I left. And then I never went back to school. Damn, bro, you can make it to school. I went, go fuck yourself. And then I left. And then I never went back to school. Damn, bro, you were. Until ninth grade. Well, no, eighth grade. I went back and then I got put in the rubber rooms

in the basement with snakes and weight benches. And then I beat up the gym teacher, me and this other kid. Oh, snaps. And we got suspended for the last three weeks or two weeks of school. And they just gave me a stack of papers. Do these papers, you pass. This Jewish girl was fuckin' smokin' hot.

JuProds are the best. The best. She did my work and then fucked me. That's the best! And it was great, so I passed because of her. So all that stuff I missed, but I just don't have the ability to investigate a conspiracy theory. Because you can say one thing and I'll be like,

yeah dude, fuck that Biden man. I'm voting for Biden. You can be like, dude, this is what he did. And be like, fucking Biden's a piece of shit. Trump, I'm voting for Trump. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding, dude. I flip flop easy.

I flip flop easy. I'm not gonna tell you who I voted for. Flip flop, my word. I invented flip flop.. I'm not going to tell you who I voted for. Flip flop. My word. I invented it. It's my thing. I love that you think young blood is a Biden voter by the way. I'm just, no, I just said, he looks like, I don't know. Maybe no comment. Yeah. I'll just throw it out there. I hate all of them. I hate all of them. I fucking think it's all stupid, but when it comes down to it, I'll probably have to vote for Biden because there's nothing. I don't want to vote for the other guy. Freedom. I fucking think it's all stupid. But when it comes down to it, I'll probably have to vote for Biden because there's nothing I don't want to vote for the other guy. Freedom. I don't know. I hate them all. I hate them all. Okay. Not voting that, you know, uh,

do you like where things are? I mean, they don't vote. I guess, you know, listen, New York City literally has like aspects of martial law going right now. When they have the National Guard in the subway, that's martial law. When you have the AG trying to find out who booed her, which firefighters booed her, so they can go into literally what she called re-education camps, that's straight up, that's always been it.

They wanna break us down so badly. We're in a Bolshevik war right now, dude, but nobody wants to talk about. So, the fact that you don't like Trump, I'm totally fine, because I could sit here and list to you all the things that Trump did that was fucked up. So I could get it, but to be like, I'm gonna vote for Biden because I don't wanna vote

for Trump, it's like, that's not the lesser two evils. That's just why, that's just why not, you'll never see New York City change. You'll never see San Francisco change because there's just a group of people that the theory of voting for someone on the right is worse than what's actually happening on the streets. I would vote for someone on the right.

America, fuck yeah. I would totally vote for someone on the right. And you didn't. Yeah. I you didn't. I don't know. I'm also a fucking idiot. Like I'm so dumb that like. Listen, that's my thing. So don't take that. That's my thing. I'm illiterate, dude. Yeah. Yeah, no.

I'm punctually illiterate. Here's the thing. I'm stupid too. And I'm a registered Democrat my whole life. But things are a little, listen, things are a little fucking crazy when you, when you bring something up that Biden did, they just assume that I voted for Trump and I'm a Trump guy and they just bring up Trump stuff. And it's like, can we just, okay, yes.

Can we just talk about this this guy's doing without bringing up the other people can we just don't bring don't it's like when I fight with my wife it's like well you did that well you did this yeah like yeah but what about what you did yes yes I did do that and I'm sorry now what about you yeah now what? Well, you did this too It's like no it's just a mirror and I that's the one thing I hate about the Democrats is they will not will not Deal with this stuff that's in front of them that the guy that is the president is doing that is bad

Yeah, you would rather doing that is bad. You would rather let this country fall apart and divide and hate your neighbors and be then to say, you know what, fuck him too. He's bad. And cause that would hold them accountable. So even if they won, they'd be accountable if their people were like, no, we're not doing that anymore. But they don't. It's always the other guy's fault. And it used to be that a little bit, but now it's almost religious-like. I feel like they took God out. We all used to believe in something.

You know what I mean? Kids were brought up in a church, whatever it was, Muslim, Catholic, Christian. What? Sorry. For what? What was it? My dad sent me a thing.

Is he dead? Is your dad dead? No, it's good. It's not good. It's fine. I was in the middle of a fight. I was monologuing. I was monologuing, you fucking liberal.

I just think that that's the problem with it and then they go and if you see I feel like somehow Republicans became Democrats because it used to be like Republicans were flipping out about Jesus and God and fuck that and Get these records off the shelf and it's devil devil devil and now it's the other guys can't have a conversation without snapping and then going, yeah, you're an ugly, fucking ugly asshole. And it's like, what? Like you have no composure anymore. Which I can't, I just can't abide by that.

I can't. I agree. I can't do it, you know what I mean? And I'm not gonna vote. The censorship now, when we were coming up, the censorship was from the right to the left. Now it's the left to the right. At the UK. And they can't admit it.

The UK. If you say certain things. Yeah! The UK. Yeah. The, the, the king and the queen and the, where we got a lot of our shit from. Yeah. You can't say certain words. You can't say certain words. You can't do certain things.

These guys in Trigonomics, I don't know if you've ever seen that podcast, but one of the guys is getting interviewed, and he goes, how many people do you think in Russia got arrested for something they posted on social media? And the guy goes, I don't know. And he goes, the number is 400 people. He goes, how many, and this is in the UK,

he goes, how many people in Britain do you think got arrested last year for posting things, for posting something on social media? He goes, I don't know, he goes, 3,300. Wow. 3,300 people. And one of it was lyrics to a rap song that this woman's friend had died,

it was his favorite rap song. So she just posted the lyrics and she got arrested and thrown in jail for that shit. Insane. Insane. Insane. But social media is so bad because it exposes your life, your private thoughts.

Some now we have to put it out there. Like she has to put her favorite song out there to everybody who might hate her. And then they can expose her and get them fucked up. The cop, it's crazy. And if it keeps going, it's coming here. 100%. It's coming here.

I mean they already kind of do. We have social precedents I I'm a liberal But I fucking hate are you a liberal? I'm a Texas liberal, so it's very liberal not a progressive. It's much different Like I said, I'm retarded so I don't know the terms not enough to get blown by two guys in the bathroom Hey, that's pretty liberal. You're smart about that. What's up, son? Hurry up. I'm not into this. Give it to him for a minute. Stop being selfish. He gave it to me. You're just fucking dick-whipping him.

I'm not into this thing. On three, here. I'm telling you, if I was in my 30s at the time, I'd probably let him finish. I'm just saying. Dude, it actually, when you hit your 50s, you let him finish too. Yeah, 100%. You're just happy you can get up at that point. A good dick sucking is a good dick sucking.

Yeah. And you guys keep a secret. See, senor. Um, listen, the conspiracy thing, we're gonna play a little game. Okay. And this is guess what conspiracy theories are real or fake. All three of us are gonna play. Oh, I'm in.

And this is where you're gonna, are we gonna have to put the headphones on? Not yet. There's gonna be some video parts that maybe you won't yet, but not yet. All right, Thank you, Danny. How's your dad? Yeah, I don't know. He called three times and then he left a voice. Is he still mad at you about talking about that pretty dick in the text? Yeah, he's very upset about that. Text his dad about pretty dick. Which there are pretty dicks, let's face it. But

not Danny's. There's no way you look like that and just have the most proportional Dick looks exactly like his weird thumb All right, what do you got? So I'm gonna name one and then we're gonna have let's go have Bobby and Andrew guess first and then Sam guess last on if this is a real conspiracy meaning a can meaning it's out there or we made it up. Okay. Nancy Pelosi has surveillance listening devices hidden within her breast implants. I mean, I mean, she's got great knockers.

Dude, she's like 90 with 40 year old tits. Man, I want to see them. Yeah, it is. I wish that guy. Like a Marco Island swinger for sure. I wish that guy who beat up her husband went in and took those out. That was on a video camera. Such great tits on Lizard. Cranked him with a hammer and then went in and just scooped one out and just... Man, she's got good boobs. Great tits. Yeah. Dude, she's been around since JFK, bro. You see her in Washington with JFK.

That's nuts. They've been running trains on that chick forever, dude. What were her tits like back then? When did she get a boob job? I'm sure they were great then, dude. She got a boob job at some point. No. No, you think they could just stop?

Look at those, bro. God damn. I love the sauce, those. I mean, dude. They've been pixelated, it looks great. Who'd you rather have young, gay Mexicans work in your shaft or 80 year old fat tit dancing? I mean listen, dude. The fact that she's wearing that yeah means she's a dirty bird. Yeah. Yeah, you know, yeah You know, I mean she has to be a liberal. Yeah

God those are fantastic. I would love to see I would say what do you say you go first? I I say it's out there that I don't think I don't think it's real I think that that's but I do think it's a conspiracy theory. That's definitely out there Okay, for sure someone saying that I'm saying her nipples are made of the air pod Bluetooth That fucking that that fucking owner and her got together and she listens. Yes. I say it's true Like I would like to believe that her nipples are so big, it's like a fucking, like a fucking, yeah, dish.

Yeah, like the aliens talk to her. Antenna, right. I'm gonna go, no, that's not true because I just don't know if they got that technology to put in your body. But I also believe that we were so far beyond like chips and all that stuff that like people don't realize what's really going out There which is they've hardwired sorcery and it's all frequency So I'm gonna go no same the quick the question isn't is it real the question is did we make it up or is it out?

That I think you made I say it's I say it's real Okay, I'm right did we make it up or is it out there? I think you made it up. I say it's real. OK, Sam's right. We made it up. Tizzy 3 made that up? Yeah. Nice. The Beat Up Boys made it. That's pretty good.

So I was wrong. Yes. Yeah, me too. Sam was right. So I was wrong? Yes. OK. Number two, the rapper Gucci man is a clone.

After he was released from prison in 2016, people think he seems like a different person. So they think the rapper Gucci man that went into prison is different than the one that came out because he acts differently post prison. Yeah, the guy that went in was a hard rapper. He came out a sissy. His name is Prada now.

North face. All right. I think I think he'd how long you go to jail for do we know? No, wow, you're getting into this. I'm trying to Little bit right is the nerve I think he went in there and he went to jail and he probably got fucked with a bunch because he's a famous guy In jail and then maybe just came out differently jail fucking I went to jail and he probably got fucked with a bunch because he's a famous guy in jail and then Maybe just came out differently jail fucking I went to jail for two weeks And I felt like I changed me so like you know it's a shitty place So I don't know why you got that fraction on your arm right there that fraction tattoo. Yeah, basically

How many guys you have to suck off? Yeah, one out of ten guys Hey, they kept me safe. So... It was a hard two weeks. You couldn't wait two weeks? No, it was fine. The first day, I'll suck everybody's dick. Yo, how much you getting out in two weeks, man? Chill.

I gotta survive! I need cigarettes. Don't give me their pockets. Andrew was like a 1940s phone operator in prison. Hello, hello, hello. His pockets just turned into. Hello, hello, hello. During a crisis.

All right. What do you say? I say it's not a clone. You say the story is true or not? The story is out there? I don't understand the story. The story out there. OK, that's the story that is out there.

Sorry. Yeah, yeah. I was just arguing the story out there. Is this story out there? OK, that's a story that is out there. Sorry. Yeah, I was just arguing with the actual. I'm going to say that is a Tizzy 3. OK, I'm going to say that it's a story that's out there because he came out and his tattoos were in different places. OK, so you're right. We didn't make it up. That's a real thing.

Sam, were you aware of that already before this? Yes. OK. God. Yes, that's a real story. That's out there Yeah, fuck, you know these stuff. I would bet that they I got a way one that he doesn't know Do like that anything that they say the prig gonna know I'm the clone these motherfuckers. He wait a minute Can I ask something he is his tattoos were in a different place? So he wouldn't this video of that Yeah, you can he went in with tattoos in one place and then came out and his tattoos were in a different place. So he went in, there's video of that. Yeah, he went in with tattoos in one place and then came out and his tattoos were in a different place. That's weird.

That is weird. They've been cloning shit hundreds of years ago. What are you talking about? Why are we cloning Gucci, man? Dude, stop. You just said hundreds of years ago, we didn't have cars. No, but they were, dude, that's what they were told. We didn't have lights.

That's what you're told. That's a lie. Who's, you're talking to me? Yeah. You were told that. That's what we never lights. That's what you're told. That's a lie Yeah You were told that that's a total lie What wait a minute dude they had listen to me your timeline in history is a complete lie wait Sam Sam. I love you So much, I love you What the fuck? What are you saying? History is a lie. Listen to me. Timelines are different.

Tartaria, there's a famous thing called Tartaria, which is that there was an empire that has been wiped out of our history books and we're not taught about. And it's like, there was a great flood that's in all these different religious and philosophical beliefs that wiped out everything. But yeah, dude, it's like. We had electricity. We had everything, dude.

But what do you mean everything? We had free energy. What? Like, dude. What? Like, have you noticed that all these bells are all cracked? It's because vibrations and frequency can cure people. So they crack all the bells, so they can't do it.

What bells? The bells. The Philadelphia bells. Yeah, find a giant bell, it's cracked. Why? Because they don't want you understanding that frequency can cure you, vibrations can kill you. If you get one, dude, if you have like a knot or something,

get a tuning farm, boom, put it on it, it starts to heal it. Ha ha ha ha ha. This is so much to unpack. Get a tuning bar, boom, put it on it, it starts to heal it. This is so much to unpack. Okay, dude. Listen to me, dude. We just spent an hour talking about futuristic black chicks and gay Mexicans. And pussy. Yeah. And now you're talking to me. I'm telling you. We've had electricity. Look up Tartaria, bro. You're going to have to send me some stuff. Have you ever gone to these small cities do comedy and every like all the architecture is just like weird and then there's just one building that is just

beautiful brick and it just where'd that come from? That's what they believe is Tartaria. What are you talking about? What building? So you want to hear something really crazy? It would be nice to get specifics. Yeah, I want to hear. I'm hearing stuff crazy right now. Crazier than this? Crazier than this? You want to hear more crazy? Crazier than electricity?

Go home and study the ancient world fairs, like the Chicago World Fair of like 1870, right? OK. So what they'll tell you, dude, is that they built this gorgeous fair in two years. It's the most beautiful shit you've ever seen. It's like literally like Rome. It's beautiful. They said they built in two years and then when the fear was done, they destroyed all of it.

Yeah. And if you study, you talk to people who understand architecture, it would take 15 years just to develop, let alone build it. Dude, wiped out all this history. They're wiping out our history. I don't want you to know how special you, Robert Kelly, and you, Andrew Young are. Are you a member of Wakanda?

What? But maybe, like- Can you tell some of my black friends? The story of slavery is total bullshit. What? Meaning that they did like five seconds. You almost said the N word earlier. So five seconds out of February, dude. Most of your most of the African, African-Americans. Yep. Blacks came. Don't say it like that. Can you say it with a different tone?

I do like how you voted African different tone? Futuristic black. I do like how you voted African American and then just go black. Yeah. Most of them were already here. Here where? Florida. Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! What? What? What? It's the Moors, bro.

I'm part Moor. Oh, yeah, the Moors. Like, Sicilians? Invaded Sicily.. I'm part Moor. Like the Moors. The Sicilians? The Sicilians are part Moor because they came to the conquered southern Italy and dropped dick on everybody. And that's why I'm part. This guy.

Right? But they were already here. They were already here, Rob. They were already here. You're an eggplant. Yeah. Yeah, I'm eggplant, Rob. Listen to me. Listen to me. Dude, your timeline's all fucked up. All, yeah, I'm eggplant. Dude, listen to me, listen to me.

Dude, your timeline's all fucked up. All right, but wait a minute. The Africans were already here. They were Moors. Okay, so there's no slavery. No, there was slavery. Okay. But the slaves didn't all come on slave ships.

That's all bullshit. Okay, so we had cars? Well, yeah, you can see videos of cars way back in the day. Way before. Like what? Way back in the day, before like what went in way back in the day How like 1800s and where was there a car? There was pictures of cars in San Francisco China all over the place with like horses pulling them. No, but I like no literally cars We meet cars

Cars on wheels like dude free energy. There's free. What's free energy free wheels. Like, dude, free energy, there was free energy. What's free energy? Free energy is ether, dude. It's one of the elements. And like, they found ways to harness free energy. So we didn't have to pay for electricity and gas. Why don't we do that now? Because these people want, they, if they gave out free energy, they could make money off it.

Okay, so Elon Musk. Yes. Why wouldn't he reveal this and make it possible? You think Elon Musk is like this, listen dude, most of your billionaires, your tech billionaires right now are just rich kids that were given all this stuff by their fuck, somebody in the older generation.

Like a lot of people don't know this about Jeff Bezos. Everyone's like, Jeff Bezos is the hardest looking guy out there. It's like, you don't know that his grandfather owned mobile oil and created a department of the US government called DARPA, where all of the futuristic technology comes from. I didn't know that.

Yeah, so he was just, he was just picked. They got data like, okay, he's a hardworking psychopath psychopath won't give him the technology and they worked the technology through books There's no one gives a shit once they fine-tune it now. It's taking over everything so when they shut down the pandemic What was allowed to stay open America Amazon fresh? You know Walmart and it's just like all these corporations were allowed to stay open why mom and pop stores were shut down In California right now, they have this ridiculous law where they want minimum wage to be 20 bucks an hour Except if you sell bread, right? This is a little law that they're trying to pass if you sell bread you don't have to

Give 20 bucks an hour. So who's that help McDonald's? to give 20 bucks an hour. So who's at help? McDonald's, any fast food restaurant, which means all the mom and pop restaurants are fucked. Or anybody who owns a mom and pop store that doesn't sell bread. You're fucked. You're just fucked, dude.

And Nancy Pelosi's tits aren't mic'd up? No. No. Are you sure? But they had cars 200 years ago. Your phone's listening to you right now. Well, we all know that. I know that. But dude, is Nancy Pelosi listening? No, no, you sure but big cars 20 years ago Well, we all know that but dude, but dude is Nancy Pelosi listenin your televisions listening to you everything's listening to you Yeah, I don't care. I don't care either I I like call up chicks ask them to call me the M word cuz the only way I can get hard. I

Wish I was lying Anyways, alright, let's go to the next one. Wow! Dude, you just jammed a red pill down my throat. I felt like I took an edible. Now you're going to send me down. Look up the world, look at Tataria and the World Fairs in Chicago and just read that shit. If you really want to hear some crazy stuff, go to this YouTube channel called On My Lunch Break. Oh, dude, it'll blow your mind.

I'm just going to watch. Is there like a... I'm just going to watch a Young Sheldon episode. Yeah. And maybe The Good Doctor. He's not that young anymore. No, he's not. But I'm going to watch the...

He's basically Doogie Howser. I know. Yeah. But the little sister got hot. Is there like an intro to Conspiracy? Yeah, we just had it. That was too much. My brain's exploding.

There's too many... There's a podcast called Tim Foll Hat. All right, let's go. Let's go. What else? Oh, there it is, dude. There it is What there's what right that what is that? That is the Chicago World Fair and they told and there's what a whole bunch of other pictures They told everybody they built that in two years all that shit It's gone and then they knocked down, all that beauty knocked it down. Didn't they do that in here too for the World Fair in Queens? Yeah, dude. They just left those remnants, but it was spaceships, right?

But it was a while, I don't know when that... And I saw a show that those spaceships are real spaceships, and there was a bug trying to get up to it. And thank God there's a secret society of people who protected us. All the UFOs you see are just US military technology. I believe that too. There's no way they're flying out these things by planes. There's no such thing as aliens.

They're just angels and demons. All right, what? You had me and then you like Cat Williams. You had me and then you lose me. What the fuck? Half of this podcast is going to be going what? Yo man, this is comics. Alright, let me. So aliens don't exist. They're angels and demons. I'm sorry. Inter-dimensionals. What? They're not from other planets. What's the difference?

What, it's an angel and demon? Like from the Bible we're talking? Yeah. You think it's real? You believe in the... Okay. Well, now I've... Yeah. I don't know how to... He even said it, dude! You were talking about the kids don't have God anymore! They took... Well, that is a big thing that people don't... This country was

founded on God. It's in everything we did. Kids were brought up with those values, and the mother was home, the father went to work, you're all about being with family, neighborhoods, communities, and somewhere in the last 50 years, they've stolen, they took religion out,

made it bad, made it evil, where kids, you ask any kid, and they don't have, they hate it, they hate that their parents or whatever they are, except for Muslims, Jewish, Mexicans, Mexicans, Jewish, but white kids, regular white kids, they hate it, they don't like it, and when you take that out of, if you look at every religion,

it's just a positive perspective. 100%. It all is it is. It's all about love. It's all about love. Every Bible, every religion is based on a positive perspective. And the fact that they took that away from us

and they replaced it with this. Yep. They replaced it with that. Now they can control us. Mom's not home, she's gotta work, everything's more expensive, dad has to work, and now the kids are on this, they can tell their kids what to think, what to do,

and there's no God, there's no treat neighbors nice, don't fucking neighbor's wife, don't hurt people, don't kill people, none of that exists in people. They're not being brought up with values or morals. They're being brought up with fucking internet shit, bullshit, conspiracies and all that stuff. And I don't like it. It's so hilarious that they wanna get rid of TikTok,

which is the only app that the intelligence agencies don't control the data. But they're like, oh dude, it's like, look what it's doing to our kids. I'm like, why don't you make 18 and over phones? But you'll never do that because you want to hook these kids early. I took everything off my kids phone. Yeah, everything off it. All the stuff. Safari, everything. My daughter can't stop watching these fucking Ukrainian momos. He doesn't because I check it. I'm not a fucking asshole. I know he's a piece of shit and I put it back on.

I check it. Anyways, all right, let's go. We got another one. You got to go soon? No. Okay, good. The reason we stopped calling COVID coronavirus is because the beer company gave millions of dollars to Fauci. You're up. I think you made that one up. Yeah, I think it's-

Why? Because it sounds like an open mic or joke? Yeah, right. I think I've heard that on fucking stage before. Yeah, Danny's been using it sounds like an open mic or joke Danny's been using it Losers he's just running this stupid new jokes by us. I'm saying boo to that too. Yeah, it's one of you don't think that's real because I don't I think you made that up because I don't I think you made that up because It would cost billions of billions of dollars for them to get that if you really whether whether it's out there I can't tell but I'm gonna go with it's not out there could be but it's not out there. You're right. We made it up

Okay, exactly. Okay, what do you cost billions of dollars? He'll be doing way viruses aren't real next one By the way, viruses aren't real. Next one. What? Wait a minute. No, I mean we can't. I don't even know what the fuck to look. Demons and ghosts. I don't know.

Viruses aren't real. Viruses, what? Yeah, they don't exist. What are you talking about? They never isolated them. What are you talking about? I ended up in the hospital from COVID. Yeah, but you think that's cold.

Like dude, there's a whole bunch of shit going on. Was it just a cold? I was thumping up blood. What I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick.

I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick.

I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I was sick. I mean, I wore a mask. It's called exercise. You wore a mask when you go. I was 25. This is fucking so long ago. Okay, okay.

Okay, here's another COVID one. Here we go. COVID was actually being spread through bubble wrap. Companies were putting the disease into bubble wrap, and then when people popped the bubble wrap, they were getting the disease. I bet you got really proud when you came up with this. Right. What do you think? I think it's real.

I think it's real. I think it's probably because they're like, oh, now you have to be at home. You got to use Amazon. It's the only way they can spread it is if you fucking, you know, you get your package, you pop it. So I think that someone came up with that. That's out there.

I say it's made up because popping bubble wrap is gay. If you pop bubble wrap, I mean, it wouldn't give you COVID to give you full blown eight. Yeah. I pop bubble wrap and you know, almost say we made that up. I knew that. Yeah. Okay. Another one. Uh, this is really hard. Anything could be on the internet. Yeah, exactly. My brain, you know. Here's the thing though. You know they made both of those up because they put both of their COVID bits together. Fucking idiots.

Separate them. I thought the opposite. I put them together on purpose to try to trick you guys. Yeah, and that's why you're sitting there and I'm sitting here. They're just bits. Asshole. Helen Keller is not real. I bet you know the answer to this. You know, go. What do you say?

Not real. Yeah, sure. Yeah, it's out there. I'm going to say yeah, too. I don't know if it's necessary that she's not real, but the story of Helen Keller is complete bullshit. That she was blind, deaf, and mute. How does she but the story of Helen Keller is complete bullshit that she was blind deaf Mute how does she tell a story? Wrote books and learned languages. Like what are you talking about?

Well your theory they probably had AI back then Dictated into Pelosi's tits, you know what the AI is. Whoa, dude, you've already fucked me up three times. So the story is fallen angels came down and mated with the daughters of men and created Nephilim who had angel DNA in them, which means they could live forever, but God put a cap on it so when they died their spirits didn't die their body just died So they that's what they think ghosts are and all that shit. So they think AI is actually nephalums

so that one that is a It's a big one. Are we opening up a portal? like a WD podcast What the fun? We're definitely on a list now. If we weren't before, we're definitely on a list. The helichella one's big. Kids on TikTok, no one believes that.

We're not on an A list, we're on seven lists. No one believes it's real, and I have a video of this man on TikTok talking about it. So if you guys put on the headphones, we can watch this. I think it's worth watching. This guy. He goes, is it real? That guy's gold chain. This is my go-to source for truth. I'm going to go to this guy. This guy. This is my go to

source. I'm going to go to Will Sylvain's nephew. I love that. It looks like look at those chompers guys. Black people co-sign on this. You are no. You're exactly what you're exactly what how dumb Americans think we are. OK, which rock is this? But write a book and say, how are you going to how are you even going to fly?

Yeah, I can't listen to this guy talk. This guy can't read and write either. Yeah, but he has a Netflix special coming up. He's one of the great American truth tellers. Dude, Gabe Black, you go straight to green light. Yeah, he is at Moon Tower at the Paramount this year with the ah, Helen Keller at bullshit. You mean, ah?

Alright, what else you got? Okay, we'll do another one. Dairy Queen is sending 1 eighth of their profits through money laundering to an unknown terrorist organization. And in exchange, the organization is using their connections to give them free advertising. What do you think? You're up. I think it's bullshit. OK,. Uh, I think it's bullshit.

OK. I'm going to think it's real, because unlike their joke written ones before, that was just quick, set up, punch, tag, tag. That was too detailed. He actually read a paragraph on that. I'm going to say that's a real. I think these guys could write a long, detailed, not funny

joke. Yeah, for sure. these guys could write a long detailed not funny joke. Yeah. For sure. Like, impossible. I'm going to go not real that you guys made that up, because it would go really deep. And you go, what is the front for why would Dairy Queen

be fronting for a terrorist organization? Now, if you study like Toyotas, all the Isis have Toyotas because Rihanna's boyfriend at the time was selling Isis Toyotas. But... What? Yeah.

Chris Brown? Yeah, no, no. After he got, she punched him in the face. Okay, wait a minute. Who's selling Isis Toyotas? So Rihanna dated this, like this Middle Eastern millionaire billionaire. And he sold Toyotas, not Ferraris? He sold Toyot face. Isis, Toyotas? So Rihanna dated this, like this Middle Eastern millionaire billionaire. And he sold Toyotas, not Ferraris?

He sold Toyotas to Isis. That's why they all had Toyotas. Really? You do see those Pathfinders going through the sand. I get so jealous, because I wanted one. I'm like, these fucking rocket holders are just flying around in a great- These rocket holders, that's a nice way of saying it.

I said towel head in my special, so I went, aw, you blow up buildings, I can call you towel head. Can I say something? When I went to Iraq and we were doing shows over there for the USO, they have, the local people would work on the bases in the kitchen and on the base. And I remember it was raining out one day and a guy, one of the guys came in,

in the middle of the show, I'm out front smoking a butt, and he came in the front door and he had a towel wrapped around his head and I went, and he just looked at me and he went, motherfucker, I just took the towel off. He got it though. I was like this, I was like, hey, and he was like, motherfucker.

You know what the funniest thing is? I did a show, it was me, Steve Byrne, Dove Davinoff, and Brian Callan, right? So Steve's special literally had just dropped. He went to the store that had all the bootlegged fucking movies right there. His special was being bootlegged in the Middle East at the time he just dropped.

That's crazy, right? I would tell you, Steve Byrne, after my first album, my Robert Kelly Live album I put up myself, he sent me a photo, he was in some town, he went to a Salvation Army, and he bought five of my albums for 50 cents, and then threw them out. He took me a video, I was throwing them out. He's like, good job, Bob.

He's an assassin. He really is. So out. He's like, good job, Bob. He's an assassin. So did you make it up, or is it real? Made it up. They had to. Dairy Queen's not successful enough to be involved. We made up for Dairy Queen. I should have known that, because you're all

autistic, Dairy Queen. Yeah. It's either McDonald's or anything else. God damn it. I should have known Dairy Queen was their favorite little restaurant. Yeah. Sucking assholes.

You got me, you got me. Um, Princess Diana had an egg fertilized by King Charles to determine whether they could have a couple. It worked. Have a couple? To see if they could have kids. To see if they could have kids. Fucking asshole.

Right? So, so, it worked, but then they went to destroy the embryo, but a doctor kept the embryo and raised it, and now there's a young boy in California that is Princess Diana and King Charles' kid. That's, you guys didn't make that up. That's too deep, too weird. I even lost half of it. I Don't know. Go ahead. You know, I think I think that's out on the internet. I'm gonna say that I'm gonna say that's true

That's a true one. I I'm I could take it out on this one, but I must say that is a made-up story I mean there's crazy shit about Princess Di by the way way her redheaded son is not prince Charles kid There's actually a guy that he looks exactly like because all these super rich people they all just cook each other They all just pass their wives around and they all just they all just fuck shoot up the club You know what I'm saying and then like whoever has a kid whoever has a kid so like I So like, Hillary Clinton's kid is not Bill Clinton's kid. What? It's actually this Hubbard guy. If you look at their faces, they're exactly the same.

Bring up Chelsea Clinton and Hubbard. Go put up, oh dude, you want to get on a list? I can put something right now. Let's do it. Put it up. Obama's kids are not his kids. Stop it. 100%. Do you think this is real or is this just out there? No, 100%. Let's do it. What about? Obama's kids are not his kids. Stop it.

100%. Do you think this is real or is this just out there? No, 100%. Michelle does not have a penis. You don't believe that, right? Let's wait and see if that's a question. Stop. Anything's possible.

But Obama's kids are not his kids. All right, here we go. Like. Okay, that's two of the same people. Yeah, who's? What's that? Who are these people? No, no, no.

Well, I don't know. I don't know what you're saying here, but if you do. Dan, you're not going to believe this. You're going to believe it. You're going to believe it. You're going to believe it. You're going to believe it. You're going to believe it. Okay, that's two of the same people. Yeah, who's? What's that? Who are these people? No, no, no. Well, I don't know. I don't know what you're saying here, but if you do, if you do. Danny, bring up the.

What a mouth. If you do Chelsea Clinton's real father, you'll look at this Huber guy. He's only smart in two ways. Yeah, what is that? Stand up comedy and videos. Yeah. And then he falls off. I can't Google.

I mean, he just went, he just brought up to the same phone. Put up a Brock Obama Obama girl. Okay, there it is. There it is right there. Oh my God. Well, yeah, look at those lips, man. Those are those are some ugly lips. Yeah. Yeah. Who was the other guy though? It says it right there. Hubler. What was he? He was like, the Clinton associate, dude. That's how it goes. And then you study, then you do, you put in Obama girl's real parent, and dude, once you see it, you'll never understand. You know what one really got me is Trudeau and Fidel. Yeah, 100%. Bring up Trudeau and Fidel Castro.

I mean, that, I mean, they look exactly alike. And his mom used to hang out with him. Oh yeah, she would, I'm telling you, they just pass each other around. Now, but here, can I just say something about that? You can say anything you want. If we were rich millionaires, we'd do the same thing. Yeah, everybody just did that.

We were in Vegas for a weekend, we were doing some weird shit. Yeah, yeah. We were 100 heirs. Imagine if we were gaz some weird shit. Yeah, we were 100 airs Gazillionaires, dude, you know, I mean kids I'd have that look like you Did you bring up by Trudeau and no, of course not right Danny Okay, the internet just goes down. No, no, no, that's not it. He stinks. Yeah bring up. I can't I can't I can't bring up Trudeau looks like Fidel and that will come go go Trudeau's real father Yeah, I mean here we go. No, that's it down one down one over one. There you go. Click that. That's it

Yes, that's the one you want to look at. Oh, they got the eyebrows. Yeah Yeah That's it. Yes. That's the one you want to look at. Oh, they got the eyebrows. Yeah. Yeah Come on you autistic fuck. Here we go. Yeah. I mean dude look at that, dude. I mean 100% I mean Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's not even close and then you look who they think it's his dad Yeah, look at his real dad. It looks like anything looks like Jim Norton. Yeah like anything looks like Jim Norton yeah anyways okay so what's don't do the Obama daughters because you guys aren't ready for that why what are you ready for I would like to we get are we really gonna get in trouble no okay good play Obama real Obama daughter's real parents put in that and you'll see it. Is it the gay guys from Modern Family? What do you know? Dude? Hey, well, it's very interesting is the older Obama daughter has decided to drop her last name. Really? Yeah,

she's dropped her last. Why? Nobody knows. Stop it. Nobody knows. No. 100%. Maybe she doesn't want to get recognized. She walked in. Holy shit. Still, I she doesn't want to get recognized. Dude, if she walked in, you'd go, holy shit, it's the Obama. I actually wouldn't know. You got it? Oh, no, but yeah, go find the real, go find them. There's one of them. Maybe a picture of the kids next to him.

Yeah, they have one. Just go Obama, real Donald. He doesn't listen because his autism makes him, I'm right, you're wrong. You know what he's like? Yeah, an asshole. No. Have you ever done stand up in China? Fucking egotistical asshole.

You know why? Have you ever done stand up in China? No. So you go there, you notice that everyone's Asian and there's no car wrecks. You would think it would be like fucking bumper cars with all the Asians there. So I've decided that they, Asians aren't bad drivers,

they're just so advanced, our driving fucks them up. So that's what's going on. He's autistic, he's so beyond us, that our stupidness makes him fuck up. Right, he's showing us what we should be looking at. Obama, go down, go down, go down. That other photo, he got. Okay, yeah, click that, click that. Let me see that one right there. Click that, nope, down, down, down, go down, go down. That other photo, he got. OK, yeah, click that, click that.

Let me see that one right there. Click that. Nope, down, down, over, over, click. Oh, you're an idiot. You're an idiot. That one. You know which one he wants. OK.

OK, click that, then go down. Oh, yeah, no, it's right there. Click that. Nope, down, that one. I'm going to throw up. Click that one. I'm going to throw up. There we go.

Look at this one. Oh, god, this is like Rain Man. I can't. When he was playing the cards. Queens. Yeah, a gonna throw up. There we go. Look at this. Oh god. This is like Rain Man I can't when he was playing the cards Queens. Yeah a lot of Queens. Look at this. Look at this. What? That is on the right is what they say is their parents and on the left is this mystery couple That's always seen with the Obamas Okay, so let me ask this then. Let me ask this. You don't think that that one side looks way more like the girls than the other side? Come on dude. You're just saying all black people look alike.

That's what you're saying. I'm not saying that. I let you say that. I held my tongue. That looks like a sitcom in the 90's on Fox. ABC's Who's the Parents? That's a good joke. Yeah. So you're saying that they're not the parents.

Yes. Because there's another rumor that there's no pregnant photos of. Yeah, that's true. They're gay. Who's gay? So we've had. Who's gay?

We've had. The kids or the parents? The parents. The Obamas are gay. So Obama's definitely gay. And it's like. What? Since JFK, we've had... Do you think Biden sucked his dick? We've had two... I know he's gay. We've had two gay...

I'm a little gay. We've had two gay presidents. Since Obama, we've had one straight president, two straight presidents, two gay presidents, and two Andy Dick presidents. What does that mean? Really gay. That's Andy Dick presidents. What does that mean? Really gay. That's alcoholism. That would just fuck anything. Like you in Mexico, that would just fuck anything, right?

God damn it. So JFK and Clinton were both bisexual. George Bush, Sr. and Obama gay. And then Jimmy Carter and George Bush, Jr. straight. And then then Jimmy Carter and George Bush Jr. straight. Dude, I'm my head. You know, who let a cockatoo in? Listen to me. What animals may it's the only thing that's keeping me from going in the light.

Is that fucking weird laugh right now? Please bring you back to reality. Do you have any more? Yeah, we have a couple more, or we have one more. David Bowie is an alien and did not die. He left Earth and returned to his home planet in 2016. There's no aliens. I, go ahead.

I think you guys made that up. You made it up. It's real, but it's bullshit. It's bullshit because if Sam is telling the truth, there's only demons and angels, there's no aliens, there's no place to go. Yes, there's dimensions. There's dimensions.

There's dimensions. I'm gonna throw up. Okay. Go ahead. That's too much. So I believe that his alter ego is Iggy Stardust, right? Is that what it was? And like, so there's this whole belief that like, yeah, he was an alien somewhere.

I don't think it's real. But I think you got a dude, I'm so in trouble, right? This might be the one that gets me because there is a discussion about that. But I at the same time, I think you guys made it up. That one was made up, it was also made up by your producer guy who helped us to trick you with some. Okay, perfect. So that one was made up to trick you.

Okay, true, true, true, true, yeah, so I bet it a thousand. So you don't believe, now, I just went to, you don't believe in that we went to the moon. No, we didn't. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, will you look up one thing? Do you think the word? Please tell me this. Look up this one thing. Look up.

Go to YouTube, put in astronauts leaving the moon. I want you to watch this and you tell me if you think this is real. OK, I'm going to bring that up. Make sure you bring it up off screen and then put it on screen so we don't have to tediously watch you fumble. There was a video that just came out where What's's his name, tried to fight a guy who- Buzz Aldrin? Yeah.

But here's also weird about that, is like there are interviews where Buzz Aldrin basically tells like a small girl and Conan O'Brien in another interview that we never went to the moon. Okay, stop. No, I got one that will blow your mind. So is the earth flat? Please tell me you don't think that. buddy. I don't know what it is. Do you know who invented the hill heliocentric model?

No, he'll he'll he'll ask the best The Jesuit order now if you study what they believe this is gonna get weird and I'm gonna lose everybody again But what what the flat earth people believe is that we live on a plane, a plane. Bring that mic up to you. Okay, that we live on a plane. Okay, here, I want you to watch this real quick. And then we'll get into that. So, okay, here we go.

So this is them telling you, this is how we left the moon. Ready? Watch this. Okay, so yeah look at it shit look at that Okay, uh Okay couple questions Where's the jet propulsion? How is there fire in space when there's no oxygen? And how is the guy following? Who's following it going up?

Can I explain it to you? Oh please. I want to explain it to you. Okay. I just saw a spacewalk. Oh. Okay. Okay. There was a spacewalk where guys and they had the same thing. I believe that, this is just a theory of mine, that they reenacted what really happened because they couldn't show us. They wanted to show us what was happening up there, right? The guy opened the thing.

I just went to the Kennedy Space Station. I watched all this stuff. I saw the astronauts talking about the spacewalk, and I saw, and it's like, oh, that's bullshit. I watched the video, but I think they reenacted these things to give you a, this is what it looked like when we did it. We couldn't get video of it, but if we could have at the time,

this is what it looked like. Because now, if you look at space video, space walks or stuff from the International Space, you don't believe in the International Space Station, it's not up there. I almost cried at the Atlantis space shuttle little video. It made me tear up. Right.

I'm gonna drop on something that will blow your mind. I'm telling you, you're gonna think, you think I'm nuts now. Wait till I tell you my favorite conspiracy. Oh, good. But will you look up the launching of the International Space Station and we'll sit here for a thousand years because it doesn't exist.

They've been, there's no footage. Because you're kind of being a hypocrite. No I'm not. I'll tell you why. Why? Because we had cars and fucking electricity hundreds of years ago, but we can't put something up in space. True. Yeah, but buddy. But buddy.

I'm with you. Thanks. No, no, no, no, no. I mean we're just stuck here? Yeah. Why? They had fucking shit hundreds of years ago We had a whole civilization God created the the above and below and he created something that fucking that that um Can you bring the mic up a bit? Okay God create something that detached

Can you bring the mic up a bit? Okay, God created something that detached That separated the waters from above. Thank you from the waters below. One second. Thanks for doing that two hours into the show I hate all three of you. I hope you all get that bad though. I feel like i'm yelling all the time That was good, but no dude, dude, dude, dude. Okay, let's watch it. Yeah, there it is. There it is. No, that's it They put it up in pieces though. That's why they develop telling they develop the space shuttle You know, I'll take an L on that if that's for real They they they developed a space shuttle to bring things up there to money I'm telling you right now if you study the trajectory of rockets, I saw a rocket How do you I saw a rocket?

I was just in Cocoa Beach. I saw a rocket leave the earth Oh, you saw it leave the earth Rob Or did you see go up in the air and then it slowly go I'm telling you bro They can't land it. They can't get it through the the Van Allen belt dog They can't do it Gary Van Allen belt, dog. They can't do it. Gary Van Allen? Yeah. Yeah, he played.

From Seacourt Road? No, he's in Van Allen, and he played the fucking tambourine, and they kicked him out. Frequencies. I'm just telling you, bro. Okay, well. They can't get past it.

So you ready for the craziest idea? What is this? You ready for the craziest one? Crazier than the Then the the Chicago house. Yeah. Yeah, crazy. They're crazy. It's one crazier than the gate Obama's are gay but crazy than the bill They were totally by okay, go ahead. I don't not believe anything you're saying

He was a tweaker, bro, and he just wanted to stick dicks in holes. You talking about Danny, or you talking about... Who are you talking about? JFK. He was a tweaker. He did speed. Wow, this is crazy.

Right? Okay, tell me the craziest thing ever. Okay, the craziest story. I want you to say that to my mother about JFK. She's from Boston, Irish Catholic, she'll slap your face. I know, bro. How dare you say that about Johnny? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, it's like the black community with Tupac.

It really is, dude. Okay? That the, the astronauts on the Challenger didn't die. Oof. Okay, now I'm going to say something to you. I think I was in second grade.

Yes. And they brought the TV in. No, it was later. If we're on the same age, you were much older. Maybe four. No, you were like in eighth grade. Was not. Yes. What year was it? What year did the space shuttle blow up? Yeah, you had to be in eighth or tenth grade. What year was it? What year was it? What year did the space shuttle blow up? Yeah, you were in it. You had to be an eighth or what year was much older. We're gonna find out it's math

Yeah, so stop the conspiracy theory my life. All right, I know when I was at what when 1986 86 so you were not you were dumb, but you were in You heard 14 in second grade. I was actually I was actually 16 and I was in rehab, so I have an excuse. I just got done using drugs. Was that then? Yeah. Why did I think the chat, I-

That's so funny. I wanna say something. This is why I don't not believe anything you're saying. I have a memory of watching the space shuttle blow up in second grade. When was the first space shuttle launched? Maybe I mixed the two up. Maybe I did that. That's why you can't you can't not believe anybody. What was this first space shuttle? You have a computer. 1981. 81. I was, OK, I was 11. So again, I'm wrong on that.

It was not second grade. Second grade is, wow. My life, maybe I never went to fucking jail. Dude. Maybe I was never listed. The Mandela Effect. Everything's on different timelines. What, the old black guy?

Yeah, but there's something called the Mandela Effect, which is that. It's like the Berenstain Bears thing. Yeah, we keep changing timelines so our stories are different. Fuck, man, this is getting crazy. Okay. I'm quitting podcasting. I'm with you, dude. I'm sorry. I will stop.

But if you ever get chance to study... Tell me what this is. So we're going to start off with something called Operation Northwoods, right? Operation Northwoods was an attempt by the CIA to draw the United States in the war with Cuba. So what they wanted to do, and this made the JFK's table. They wanted to do this, okay, where they started to, they were going to fake this music festival in Cuba and that they were going to do this big media blitz about these college kids We're going to go to Cuba to be in this festival and these college kids were probably all CIA Plants and they were on the news and they were good. This is what they proposed They were gonna go on the news do a big giant media blitz like Andrew's doing for his fucking his special, right?

He's going everywhere. He's telling everybody about it's the name of it again? I'm not doing that again. Come on. What is it? March 28th. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. Say it. Say it again, dude. Push it. I can't do it. I'll tell you this. Come on. Okay, here we go. So they were going to do this big media blitz, right?

And then the day they were going to have a day where all the press shows up to them, they're waving at everybody, getting on the plane. They're going to put the plane in the air, okay, then when it was out of sight, they were gonna land it, okay, and then they were gonna put another plane in the sky and blow it up, and then they were gonna make it seem like it was Cuba that blew up the plane

so they could find a reason to go into war with Cuba. Well, JFK read it and he's like, no, we're not doing that. I'm not down with that at all. So if you study, if you study the challenger blowing up, it is step by step the exact same thing. It is that, oh, we're gonna send this teacher in the space. She does all the press everywhere. Everyone's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna go in the space.

It's fucking crazy. It's nuts. You interview all these people, and then the big day shows up, and everyone's like, the teacher's going into space. So you see him getting on the rocket, right? And then goes in, boom, explodes. You go, well, where'd they go?

Well, people don't know that under the space shuttle is a room called the rubber room. And it's this- That's why I was in junior high. Yeah, yeah, you were in NASA, dude. So basically this underground slide brings you this rubber room that's below. Wait a minute, stop, they don't have stairs?

No, they have a, because you want to get out of there quick because it's meant to be if like something goes bad on the plane. Right, okay. So then they did, so this happens before the internet. So once something's out of the news, everyone moves on,

you can find every single person that was supposed to be on that flight, you can find him in real day except for one guy, everybody else. You can look it up, dude. Okay, Danny, look up. Challenger astronauts still alive. Okay, look that up. And now they have the exact same names. I'm going to confront you on this. Okay? look that up. And now, let me say that same thing. I'm gonna confront you on this, okay?

I'm gonna do this back. Okay. We're doing a lot of karate chop. I don't know if this is it. We're in the dojo. Yeah. Listen, what I wanna say is this. Yes.

The Cuba thing. Yeah. They had, I understand the reasoning for them wanting to do that. They wanted to go into Cuba and start a war with them because communism was on our doorstep. What the hell would the reasoning be for this? Listen to me, what would the reasoning be for doing this?

It may, for what? Well, okay, now we're getting into something totally different, which is that the world is ran by fucking sorcerers, there it is. Click that gray one. Click that one. There it is. Click that gray one. That one. So. Guys, stop.

Stop. He just used the word sorcerer. The world is ran by sorcery. All right, listen. Is there a ring in this story? Well, it is kind of like fucking Lord of the Rings, but it is. So this is it, dude.

That's a, cause he had to blow it up. It's really, really shitty ass. That's actually, that's the Obama kid's real dad. That's Arthur Franzarelli. That's the karate kid, dude. Yeah, so what happens is the black guy, the Asian guy, what they tell you is that the guys in the bubble are their twin brothers, but there's no record

of them having twins. The woman at the top, right? She is in law. She teaches like law at like Harvard. She has the same mannerisms and the same lip. What's the guy at the bottom and with the big chin has the exact same name as the guy. The guy in the middle has the exact same name and the same eyes. No way. It's all real, dude. Doesn't have the same name. Yes, he does. They fucking did all of this, made a slide,

took him out, blew up a ship, and they were like, ah, we forgot the name. Bro, bro, because there was no fucking name. We should have named him Greg. There was no internet at the time. What? There was no internet at the time. So there was nobody who was gonna check.

But didn't they know a month later how everyone's moved on, like in terms of who was on the shuttle. There's not somebody at the Winn-Dixie going, yo man, you look just like the dude. At the Winn-Dixie? You look like the dude that just got blown up at the same snopes of like 1980s. Winn-Dixie's the fucking supermarket in Florida.

No, nobody remembered those fucking, they've all moved on, they're like, I'm the twin. And literally. Is there interviews of these people saying that? Are there video of these people saying I'm a twin. And literally, is there interviews of these people saying that? Are there video of these people saying I'm a twin? Yeah. No way. Yeah, they interview them like, yeah, I'm his twin.

Okay, so why did they do it? I know why they did it back in the day. Two reasons. One, it's all about trauma. Okay. Traumatizing people because these lizard people feed off our negative energy and our depression. One second, Sam, I love you. And the second thing? Give me one second. Okay. Traumatizing people because these lizard people feed off our negative energy and our depression. One second, Sam. I love you. And the second thing? Give me one second. Okay. One second. Just hold off for one second.

Yeah. I think he said lizard people. Oh, no, I heard it. I've heard lizard people before. I had a conversation with someone about lizard people yesterday. Yeah. Weirdly enough. It's out there. They're descendants of the Anunnaki. Oh, God. What's happening? Wait a minute, dude. I'm so fucked. Yeah. those are people's the whole I mean, that's the whole king Can I ask you a question? Yes, our magician sorcerers No, they're like what like David cop David Copperfield. No, dude. That's just Doing but stuff. Okay, great cuz Danny and Joe but sorcerers

It's like if you even study like 9-eleven, right all the numbers associated with it are connected to this thing called this Religion or belief called Thalema. They're all the same. No, you are you can I say something but I'm the happiest I've ever been your brain must be it just this is It no, it's not it's really so let you a question. You go through this kind of cycle. Are you, are you, like, I'm tired just riding a bike with my son. If I had to think about the sorcerers and the lizard

people, and then I would be like, it'd be so exhausting. But like, once you go down this hole, and then you have to be challenged all the time about this stuff, because everybody's whatever, in the matrix, right? And then they have to challenge you all the time. They just want to eat steak. They just want to eat steak, right?

Which I'm fine with, I do. Yeah, I get it. I love steak. But you have all this stuff in your head about what we're really going on. Why isn't someone just taking you out? Why aren't these people after you? Because the one, it's not, you just can't take somebody out.

It's like, it's a very big deal. They fucking blew up a ship. I feel like they could take you up pretty easily. Well, I mean, like, I'm a Dick Joe comic. Like, I don't break news. I just like report like what is out there. OK. So I don't, I go, hey, man, here's

this story that's going to bring down the empire. I don't do it. What go hey, man. Here's this story. That's gonna bring down the Empire I don't know what is your what I want to know your favorite conspiracy. That is it. This is it But also that the world is ran by sorcerers. That's it. It's all black magic Is there is no religion do you sorry to the Jews, but there's no religion. Do we know runs it? It's like deep deep deep what do we know any sorcerers or these are like in the background? We'll never know like you know their names. They don't like the people who actually run the world are Babylonian Bankers that go way beyond Abrahamic religions They go all the way back to Babylon and all that stuff, and they're called the black nobility. I went to Babylon

Yeah, I went to Abraham's home. Did you and And I climbed to the top of the ziggurat. I don't even know if that's real, but I respect that. No, the ziggurat is like a little pyramid there. Is that with the dogs where they hush, they go through Alaska? That's the iditarod. Oh, okay. Yeah.

See? I'm doing puns, bro. I mean, dude, so JFK was killed by the CIA. For being gay. I heard it could be a lot of different ways. He was killed by a bunch of, it was like when you watch JFK go through there, it's like, it's literally like a scene from John Wick, where he's in like the plaza and all the phones go off.

Everybody there is an assassin. He couldn't get out of there. They had to take him out. Why? Because it's a lot of stuff, and I don't want to get too deep into it, but there's a lot. He was going after all the people you don't go after. Yeah.

I've been to there a bunch of times, and I've talked to guys who hold up signs, and you want to hear what really happened? And I've talked to those guys. And there's the mafia wanted to get him, the KKK wanted to get him, and then the CIA, everybody wanted to get them. So there's no real like answer. Why isn't somebody?

Why aren't they killing Trump? If that's the case, this guy comes in, he's a billionaire, self-made, doesn't need to get money, goes against everything, fucks the whole system up. Does he? I mean, like, dude, Trump is just, you know what Trump is to me? A different crime organization. Like, for the longest time, I called it the George Bush death cult. It's been running everything.

Right. I think Trump represents a different organization. I call it New York City Real Estate, which is super corrupt and super, they want to get in on the, you remember from Brewster's millions when he decides to run for mayor of Chicago, and the two guys running are both super corrupt? That's what the president is. You're just in charge of giving out all the fucking, handing out all the contracts

that you wanna hand it to your boys. So it's just a different, and sometimes they work together, and sometimes they go to war with each other. And that's what's happening. To me, Trump is Godzilla, okay? Trump to me is Godzilla. And it's like like yeah, he fucked up Tokyo at one point But now there's bigger monsters coming in and he might be our only hope and who is Biden?

Biden is Rodan. He's a gorilla He's like the ones with that. He's like the three it's like Obama Hillary Clinton Joe Biden the three You know the three headed dragon yeah fuck three headed dragon yeah that's it you don't know I know I know I know I know it was Rodan it was Rodan feels like more of a Mothra maybe oh yeah I thought Godzilla was the only good one They was a bad guy, yeah, and then he like they realized off fuck there's even worse out there we need it There's so much to talk to you guys about dude. Yeah, I mean, there's so many there's so much. I mean dude It's so much stuff and when you get into it

It's scary because if you know the truth about stuff, you might want to try to change things. Well, you start with exhausting, but then you get to a point where you realize that nobody's come to save you and you got to save yourself and then it gets really empowered. But what do you do about all this? You just you tell everybody about it. Well, I mean, like, what do you know, there's an old saying like, don't wake, don't worry about the sheep, wake up to sleep in lions. And I'm like, there's an old saying like don't wake, don't worry about the sheep, wake up to sleeping lions.

And I'm like, fuck the sleeping lions. Don't wake up anybody and you know, just put out the information. Those who want to wake up, say, take care of you, take care of your family. Nobody's come to save you. Nobody's come to save you. It's just like you got to save yourself and then you get a whole bunch of like-minded people together and that's how you do something. Like dude, if after all this crazy shit you still don't believe in conspiracies, then I can't help. It's like the prophet Eddie Bravo used to say. After all this crazy ass shit,

you don't think elites can spire. At the basic, elites can spire. Then I can't save you. And you're on your own. I believe that, but I do believe we did go into space. That's fine, everybody's got something that they wanna believe. And I believe the Earth is round. You're allowed to.

You believe the Earth is flat? Let me just finish my thought. It's a dimensional plane. So they believe we lived on a plane. The Jesuit order, which is the Vatican, they had a Jesuit priest. Are you calling the Pope a Jew? No, he's a Jesuit order, which is the Vatican, they had a Jesuit priest. Are you calling the Pope a Jew? No, he's a Jesuit.

The Jesuit order, which is, do you know what the Jesuit logo is? What? A giant T. Cause it goes back to the Knights of Temple. He's trans? But it's a giant T. So what what what we were taught at one point is that the earth is on a plane.

And then a Jesuit priest came said, oh, no, we go around the sun. So then they took the Jesuit tea and they put it at the end of plane. And now we got planet. So it's like it's right there. Like, and he didn't want to put it out the Jesuit priest on his deathbed The Vatican's like guess what? We're putting out your book. He's like no and he went out dog. So it's super interesting What do you do when you have all this information though, right? Like you're throwing out so much on us

Like what do you what do you do with that info besides share it? Like what do you know you just take care of your family? But what do you what do you learn jiu-jitsu? share it like what do you know you just take care of your family but what do you what do you learn jujitsu craft my guy just buy gold and silver and then I buy crypto and I just chill and I just enjoy the journey should I be buying crypto cryptos weird man I can get you into this guy that's helped me just buys I just told him to buy the coin but which one should I buy it's called uh I I bought it it's at a low thing it's. I'm gonna tell you guys right now, this is not legal advice, it's not economic advice.

Invest at your own, and I wouldn't listen to me, I'm retarded. But saying that, put $15,000 in this. Node.ai is what I bought, but I'm gonna be working with my friend James, who is, I got a couple people I work with. Is that a stock or is that a crypto? That's a crypto. But let me tell you, do you know Howie Dewey?

I know Howie Mandel. Howie Dewey. How do you do it? Very funny comic. I don't, I don't. This is Howie Dewey. He told me to buy. This is Howie Dewey.

You wanna get in this stock? Look into Uber. I'm telling you dude, You want to get in this stock? Look into Uber. I'm telling you, dude, because he said Uber is like $60, $70 pop. All of his friends on Wall Street say this is easily a $300, $400 stock at one point, because they're trying to get into like Amazon shit, where they want

to ship everything everywhere. You can order food. You have groceries and all that stuff. Uber is the play right now. I use it a lot. Not financial advice. So buy Uber stock. You can order food. You have groceries and all that stuff. Uber is the play right now. I use it a lot. Not financial advice. So buy Uber stock. Buy Uber stock.

And buy the other thing. What about gold? Listen, Bobby. What about gold and silver? Buy gold and silver. Why? Load up on it. Just buy it and keep it in my house?

Because with inflation, with them printing money, all the problems in our country are based on the Federal Reserve. But it's so high right now, right?? But doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Like dude, buy some gold and then just buy a bunch of silver because if everything... Where do you buy it? Oh you know where you go? You go to samtripley.com you click on the banner it says Wise Wolf Gold and Silver and you can join their wolf pack and they send you monthly they send you gold and silver

but I buy gold and silver from wise wolf gold and silver. Well can they can I have them ship it to you? Well they'll ship it to you. Is it good though? Is it real? It's yeah it's real. Why would I come on your show? I don't know dude you told me this Liz's people yeah Yeah, everybody's gay No, I said somewhere bisexual. Okay Hi Liz. We're gonna wrap this up dude. I knew this was gonna be a good one. I love you. I love you too, buddy Okay, Sam, where where can people find your dates come see you go to Sam's Lee calm? I got comedy chaos if you're ever in LA on a Tuesday and I got a show tell me I would love for you to Both you guys I'm coming out there. I'm coming out there, me and Jay, I believe for that Netflix thing. Yeah. To do the bonfire.

Hit me up. You gotta come on the show. You gotta come on the bonfire. I would love that. I love Big Jay. He's so fucking fast. All you guys are so fucking fast. So I got this, when does this come out? A few weeks. Okay. So hopefully by then, but just go Sam Trippi com for all of my dates I also uh, yeah, and I and you can check me out. I got podcast called Tim fall hat Broken simulation is my comedy podcast cash daddy's is my financial podcast and then if you go to a rumble I'm doing a show called doom scrollings, but just go on Sam Trippi comm you can find it all awesome the special

I'll tell you this mark norman's YouTube March 28th. It should be out now. I think yeah, yeah and Follow me at no young blood on Instagram and all that shit And I got a podcast called the mess hall where I give horrible advice to people Please check all that out and then the riot comedy Riot Comedy Festival is probably next week, I guess. I'm there. We'll be there again. We'll be there. It'll be fun. Yeah, that's awesome. I'm doing a live podcast. I'm doing a couple sets. And then I got my own show called Trash

Flavored Trash. I love that name, dude. It'll be fun. Yeah, I love it too. I love that name. So make sure you check out Andrew's special. Go there right now. Like it and share it and spread the word. And of course, Tizzy3, what do you got? Max Marcus Comedy, all social media. At Danny Bref on Instagram,

and I'll be opening for Bobby in Boston. And I'll also be at the Dojo Comedy with Jeremiah Walkins on March 20th. Don't ever plug somebody else's dates on my show. All right, you plug your own dates. And then for everything, Joe Russell, go to the Cheese Show on YouTube, just type in the Cheese Show. And we're everything, Joe Russell, go to The Cheese Show on YouTube.

Just type in The Cheese Show. And we're going to be starting a GoFundMe for Joe's sinuses. So he doesn't sound like that anymore. And of course, check out the Dojo Comedy Club, man. One of the best clubs. I'm so glad that you guys did it. And it's out there in Jersey, man. And it's, you know, I love alternatives, because it makes

everybody keep their shit in check. Yes. Because once somebody does it right, and people are like, I'm just going to go over here, it's just better, then other people might have to get their shit together. And then, Bobby, your tour dates, Bobby, you can see Bobby in Houston, Texas at the Riot Comedy Festival, Austin, Texas at the Comedy Mothership, San Antonio at Laugh Out Loud, Laugh It Louisiana Louisiana Boston, Massachusetts Sarasota Atlanta, Georgia all over check it out more at Robert Kelly lives calm. Thank you Danny

This has been a great show. I love you man. I left my family on a Sunday for this. Thank you, buddy I'm so happy I got to do you and I will see you in LA. Yeah, and I'm glad we hung out great episode Hope you enjoyed it. Make sure you go to the patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. We have questions that are going up there for these guys. Real quick, we're gonna do that, and that's where you can find those questions. The extra little thing, we have the extra episode. You get to watch the show live,

all on patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. We're going there right now. You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you next time. You know what dude?