Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - SheMales, Dreams and Guns

Episode Date: October 31, 2011

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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Glory Hall Radio Network GloryHor radio.com You know what we need? Hey, what's up? This is Robert Kelly. I can't just stupid fucking... What was that face? It's just why did you squirm around doing your dumb fucking pay I gotta intro the fucking podcast you cocksucker and then you know what that's the first time I've ever looked at you dumb face You probably make stupid faces every time I intro the stupid podcast never know and you know

I don't like when fucking people talk during the fucking intro Hey, you broken up dude you talked you you fucking dumb face. Yeah, be a pro Just do what you're supposed to know this is gonna be a I'm looking over at your face and then monster voices face your face and then monster voice. Yeah, both fucking had some long drawn out shit fun awful weekend. And I don't like it. We're on the you know what dude podcast. I have Dan soda aka monster voice.

Oh man, this is new nickname. And then we got Joe to Rosa aka fucking no shoulders Joe. Come on. You guys need to get a new nickname for me, man. That no shoulders. Literally eight years in running now. Yeah, and you had eight years to fucking go to the gym and get shoulders.

And you were almost there. This is what bugs me. This is what bugs me. He was going to the gym with a trainer. Oh my God, I looked one day in this video we did, and Joe had traps, like he was getting traps and shoulders, where I was like, oh shit, this little motherfucker is gonna ruin a good nickname, he's gonna go.

He's gonna box no shoulder. Yeah, it's like when I ruined it for everybody, when I got skinny, and it was fat bob, and then I got shredded, and you know, I started looking good, and then like, I fucking asshole, there was fat bob and then I got shredded and I started looking good and then I'm like, God, fucking asshole, you ruined it. I call you, because I'm literally been the move in argument, kids would be like,

you fat, I'm like, what, fat is like, I got damn it killing. Joe almost had shoulders. Yeah, yeah. We can, how about that, how's that new nickname? Almost shoulders, Joe. Almost. I was going well at the gym, and then I went on that road thing for three weeks,

and that was it. I fell out of it. I got to get back in. I'm still a member. I got to get back in. Still a member. I've got no shoulders club. Ah.

I got to rev up and get back in. I just, it's hard now, dude. The falls here, and it's hard to, you know, it's easy to motivate in the summer in the spring. Now it's hard now, dude. The fall's here and it's easy to motivate in the summer and the spring. Now it's getting to that. I want to just lay inside under a blanket weather. I read the tweet today from this dude, Joe Lazon, he's a fighter that I follow.

He's one of my favorite fighters. He actually wrote, do I just go into the covers until spring time? What do I fucking make it through? Do I get up and start doing shit? It's like I could literally just stop until April. Yeah, yeah, just go live in the woods, like somewhere warm.

Oh, well, just sleep. Just sleep. This is the weather when I really start to get the booze-ish. Now you just want to shut yourself in and one of those fucking downtown bars. It's like an oaky pub. Yeah. I'm almost like lit. But guess what Bobby Monster voice? It's not going anywhere. I'm going to have this dumb goofy voice. I can't go to a personal trainer and get all. You could try. You could change your voice if you tried. And start going higher and starting weirder.

No, just a little more subtle, a little more subtle. Just say, hey, Dan. Hey, Bobby. Nope, still more voice. He's, take those tranny pills. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's the girl left at Joe's house. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Wee! Yeah, take those fucking things and give you a munchkin voice. Hey, everybody. Speaking of Tranny, is it a tranny or what is it? A shameleon. Her website is TV, which is Tranzvesti. Alright, Tranzvesti, I don't know there's a difference. Or is it TS, Transvestite. I don't know. There's a difference Where's a t.s transsexual? I forget. I don't know don't you know the difference between what is it transvestite and Transsexual and then she male. What's the difference? I'm asking my wife

Right Yeah, transvestite is just a guy who dresses like Okay, that's what okay, that that's what, okay, cool. I got it. So the traini- Right. Right. So the transvestite is the, is the ui one, the, the, the transsexual in the shimoes, the hot one.

Yes. Yeah. Cause they start. All right, all right. I'm, all right. Don't answer me seriously. You're my wife. You're because they started. Alright, alright, alright. I'm... Alright, don't answer me seriously, you're my wife, you fucking weirdo. She was like, yes, that's true, they're all the hot ones.

Bobby, I know what you like. You know what I'm talking to you like you're at a restaurant. Don't I, do I like? You're not a great sexualist. Yes, those are the ones you like. Do I like my meat well done? Do I like meaty? Oh well done.

Meaty, you like meaty? Oh. Oh fuck. What do you like? Do I like my meat well done? For like a meaty, oh well done, meaty, and you like a meaty, oh. Fucking Joe, shit. So, yeah, I always kinda bitch about, there's a lot of people ahead of us

on the iTunes charts, which you can get addicted to. You know, you try not to, who gives a fuck? And you know, who gives a shit, man, I'm just doing this to have fun. But then you see yourself up in the 60s, creeping up into the fucking, you know, and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, this could be, I could get up on the top 10.

You know, why shouldn't I? But you look at the people that are in the fucking, above you, and you're like like how the fuck did that happen? How the fuck did this guy get in the fucking top the god damn top 10, you know how the fuck did that happen? And one of the Examples I use is you know the she-mail podcast Bailey J Was one night I was looking at it and there was just a stock girl with like almost her boobs hanging out And I was like who's this Why is this person ahead of me? And then I actually clicked on it and it's a, you're shooting me, oh, gorgeous, she-mail.

And I, which made it, and it's just like, what the fuck, really, really? She's so hot. All right, Joe, hang on, let's just ease into this. So anyways, I, I, one of the guys there, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go,

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I right, Joe, hang on, let's just ease into this. So anyways, I, I, one of the guy there, her, I don't know what he is, publicist or manager or somebody. He's just like, your sidekick, I've listened to podcast. He's like, her co-host or whatever. I listened to the podcast, too. I listened to one of the episodes. It's just, her shooting the shit with this dude and I'm in touch with that guy and I guess she's a fan of, well, he was Wishi, which I don't

know what it means. I guess them and Cher. Wait, what is that? Wishi, and he sent me an email with Wishi, our fans of yours from Louis. They probably have a whole different set of lingo. Well, I think he fucked up. I think he meant to write we. Yeah. And he was writing she, and then he went, we'll read. Oh, okay.

And I don't think it was a new, you know, she-mail fucking language. Wee-shee. Wee-shee. You don't know about wee-shee? Wee-shee. Wee-shee. Wee-shee, wee-shee, like you.

That's not just goofy. So anyways, we're gonna have her on the podcast. Is that, and I took, is it? It's not confirmed yet. We're trying to find a date because we might, either she comes here or we go there. So we're gonna figure that out. So she's in the city.

She's in New York, I believe. So here's the deal. As I told Joe, I thought, this is a fucking great podcast. Because you know, look, all comics, you know, we all joke about this shit and bus balls. And, you know, but I've never heard anybody fucking, you know what I mean? It's like this wall up between that shit

where it's like, you know, you joke about it, you talk about it, you know, like Norton talks about it, we all fuck around with that. But like, let's fucking find out, let's find out what that shit is. Well, let's talk and see what's happening. What is it all about? What the fuck's going on?

And so I told Joe about it, and Joe goes to her website, and all I hear is, oh God, did she sounds like a girl? No. No. She doesn't sound like a, she doesn't sound like a,

you know, because some of them can be like, hey man, What's up? But she literally well, that's the icing on the cake It was like when she sounded like a girl and look like a hot girl. I was like that's it. Yeah, she's a hot girl Yeah, I think on your cheek Joe The piece though you look like a guy that's smitten. Like you were smitten with her. Dude, she's so hot. Yeah. She's so sexy and hot and adorable.

But she's got it, dick. I don't care. You don't care. Don't, no, she does. She does, I did my research. No. No. But I didn't care.

You don't care. I do not out don't care. I didn't care. I was just like, that's day one. I don't care. I didn't care. I was just like, that's just part of her. Oh my god, you're accepting. I am. You're almost like when a woman gives up to an abused husband. That's just their part of the whole package.

She is. She's got a dick. She's gorgeous. That's fine. She's got a dick. Why are you judging her? Why? Because she has a dick.

Oh, come on. You're going to ruin our chance to interview her no That's fine interview way she might be a great gal He is a great gal Talk me up like this chick. It's like you found a little stripper. You're trying to make it okay with you You don't understand she's paying away through call it. She's funny. She's She's hot. I got a second hang on let's let my wife leave so we can really talk about this I don't even pick the side yet because my wife standing in the background

I've just called me a home My wife just called me home. Oh, she just said, I know what sides are on. Oh boy. All right, listen to me. I got a little so joe. Joe. Yes. Are you excited that she's going to be on?

I'm super excited. I'm super excited. I have for a long time wanted to interview or sit down and actually just talk to a porn actor of any kind. Right. Now that you have a chance. But now that I got a chance actually to meet one to talk to one about the porn actress.

You know, I'm about to be a porn actress. I mean, as a porn actress. I was like, what kind of porn actress? I'm saying actor of any type. I've always wanted to meet any kind of person that works in the industry. I don't have a adult industry? Yes. And she does work. I see, I'm saying actor of any type. I've always wanted to meet any kind of person that works in the industry. Adult industry? Yes.

And she does work. I don't know anything about her. She works. She got the AVN. She got transsexual star of the year or whatever. So she is a starlet? I would say she's pretty established. So I'm very excited to meet her.

But then on top of it, she's hot. Wait a minute. What is she? She's so hot. her, but then on top of it, she's hot. Wait a minute. What is she? She's so hot. Yeah, but she is. She's beautiful. But she does have, yeah, she's got a penis. Yeah, I mean, that's just no way around that.

Just even if it's not even a penis, it's a really nice penis. It's not like the, it's not intrusive, it's nice. She doesn't have like a little Filipino boy penis. She has like a man's dick, right? No, it's not like a... I wouldn't call it like a hog. It's not a hog.

Oh yeah, he's like, oh yeah. He's like, oh yeah, it's not a hog. It's not a thick cut. She's not a thick cut. You could get around it. That's my point. There's no, no, you can't. It's a penis.

You can't get around. You can't drive through a wall show then show Dan belly All right, you got a sear you know what I I respect your opinion You're gonna goddamn see her she agreed to disagree dude. She's smoking she's smoking hot and here's the thing too is she I look man if I if you were to run with her Yeah, and we didn't even tell you and you went home you'd you'd fucking what's up? What's you talk you'd hang out you'd take it to the fucking move you take her to the movies You take it to a fucking family picnic mom. This is Bailey. Yeah. Hi. She'd be like she's adorable

Where is she from? She is cute, I still walk in on her. I swear to God, I've never seen a chick like this where I was like literally I'm like, she's a girl, dude. She's a hundred percent girl. There's a lot of time. No, she's not a hundred percent girl. Dude, I'm telling you something.

I'm not saying this to not anybody that's gone through this procedure. If you did it, that's cool. I guess you know, that's fine. But I'm telling you, 99% of the time when I see people that have done this, you go, that's pretty convincing, man. Damn, all right, she might have fooled me. But the hands, or but the neck,

or but the shoulder something, where you go. His check is a check. I almost like the fact that you almost have had like a lifetime checklist on Tranny's, you're like, oh the shoulders, ooh the hands, oh the chin, but now you're like, it's perfect. I found my white whale, I found she's up on. Dude, look at her.

Oh shit, wait. There you go, you're fucking, yeah, who's sucking cock now? Yeah, exactly. No way. Yeah, so I'm saying. Yeah, and she's very, look, who's sucking cock now? Yeah, exact no way. Yeah, so I'm saying. Yeah, and she's very, look, who's that my mom on? That is the weirdest thing ever on a farm. I'm looking at the picture of a tranny and his mom pops up on the sausage.

Hang on, hang on, hang on. Don't please don't do that. Hey mom, mom. I just called to say I love you. You don't have to say anything. Mom, I'll tell do that. Hey, mom. Mom. I just call to say I love you. You don't have to say anything. Mom, I'll tell you later. We're doing our podcast right now.

You're on the air. Oh, God. Bob, I'm going to go. All right. All right. I love you. I love you. I'm going to see me and I'll call you when I get there.

I just kind of felt bad about. Yeah. what do you, what felt bad about what? Nothing, I just, I miss you. I love you. Oh, Jesus, just ruined the conversation. We were having it. You know, why are you talking about me? No, well, not really. Well, kind of, I mean, you know,

mistakes as a mom and why I'm, why I like what I what I like now sexual why I am sexually the way I am now The equation Oh, that oh you mean the sperm day donated Well, we're just talking about porn oh mom. Oh Okay, I love you. I love you too. I don't talk to you later. Bye There couldn't have been anything we're appropriately found did me looking at a picture of a training going you know what She does look like a chick. Well, I be I love you and I miss you. It's your mother. Look at that. Come on, dude She is you know what but dude, there's something. I on. Dude, she is. You know what?

But dude, there's something, I don't know, subconsciously, it's just like block up. I'm just not, I know it's a dude. Dude, this is that. Is that what blocks you? You know what? She just kind of have baby dick. No, no, that's soft, dude. She has an intrusive cock.

She's got a nice cock. What are we doing? What are we doing? I don't know. I don't know. I know a bunch of be sure to show you. She's here. What?

But I think she's fucking hot, man. I love fucking Joe Rosa. Let me tell you something. This is why I love the Rosa. He doesn't give a shit. Let me tell you something. He actually said I go, dude, we might have her on. I'm trying to get her on the show,

which I think would be a fucking great podcast. Number one, her podcast is kind of, she's, she's, she's funny. She's not, she didn't take herself to fucking serious. Um, and number two, uh, she's smoking hot, but I told Jerosa, and she, he was like, nah, dude, nah, dude, come on, man, he's looking at her photos going, I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm like, why? He goes, dude, I'm gonna, I want to jerk her off.

I jerk her off. I jerk her off I was like we're definitely doing oh god Cuz what if she do what if she's like like check this out just just touch it out like on the C song where they're both in each other's hands just going back and forth dude this is I hope If she hears this I hope she doesn't find this offensive. I really don't. I would, she wear complimenting. I mean, she's, I mean, she's, what about the thing?

She's not beautiful. What I'm about to say. What? It's, I, it's, I look at it like this, okay? I'm not attracted to dudes. I'm not. I love chicks.

I love chicks. But I saw this girl. I was attracted to her in the way that the guy in Avatar was like I could be a blue thing and Holding my head or whatever it is like and that's what it means to be with this person Oh man like it was like that kind of thing. I'm like I get it It's not it's not a hundred percent standard chick. It's a different thing But that's how fucking hot I thought she was look at man look it here's the deal. It's a different thing, but that's how fucking hot I thought she was. I'll get man look at here's the deal Chirming she's

Quote's email Jackson she better be way more charming than that green ink is that I'll give a fuck I'm sorry and listen I said she is beautiful. She is man, but here's the thing is you have a hang up She has a dick. Yeah, that's the hang up for you. Well, I'm sorry. I can't let that go. I'm sorry. Yeah, you say that like my little picadillo. Look, dude. Look, dude. You know what, dude? It's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's just there. It's just flesh. Yeah, it is. It's a bump dick. No, it's not a bump. I saw a dick song. You know, I, you know, why he can't do it. You know why he can't fucking get past it? Because she's got a bigger cock than him. No, that's why she, he'd's why he'd go with her and her cock would be bigger and his

fucking dick doesn't match his monster voice. So, I know, well let's not get ahead of ourselves. I don't have baby dick. I would say her and I are probably in the same ballpark. Really? No, I don't know. You know what, you know what made me, makes me feel okay about it is it's the line from Clark's dude.

Randall was into it and Clark's, and that made me feel like, okay, when he's like, beautiful chicks with dicks to put mine to shave. Remember that part? Yeah. I'm like, yeah, it's all right. It's a little, little different, but it's all right. I mean, she's got a hog.

I don't think it's a hog. It's just got an all right piece. I love just talking about a new girl. I hope you guys start dating. Cause let me ask you a question. That's a decent piece. Okay, here's a deal. Here's a deal.

If you could, okay, if you could, say you met her and you guys headed off. You guys were fucking just really palsy, waltzy. Right. And she was like, what do you wanna do? You wanna hang out tonight? And could you go out and just hang out and then go sleep at a house?

You know what I mean? Look, right now I'm sitting here going, I gotta say, I don't know, I think so though. I honestly think I could, because you know, you don't have a religious hang up about it too. Oh, it's not any fucking, I don't give a fuck about any of that shit I always raise Catholic, but I don't practice. I hooked up with her Maffa that I want after surgery when she had a you know

She had a she had a she chose at the beginning of her life Or at a certain point of her life, you know look you're gonna be a girl You have more girl than you then guy so we're to take you penis off and fucking you'll have a vagina. So that's what she said. But I hooked up with a girl like that and my religion got in the way. It fucked me because you choose a smoking hot girl working at the Boston Comedy Club as a waitress. Right. On Halloween, she started working. And then she came in like a it's appropriate. The vampire. Jesus. Jesus. Well, I don't like that he's the reverse woman on a radio show right now.

Oh, fuck you. I'm the talking hole. No, you know, you have a, you have a, you have a, we're actually do talking holes like I'm a minecock and you're like you fucking house. Listen, I, you know, it fucked me up. And she really liked me. She was hot. I mean, I did your religion fuck up the That's the that's because I should be mad that they took it away

It's just it fucked me up because I it was like I don't we started out like oh my god I really liked this chick. I really Really like this girl and and then I found that out, you know, Patrice actually told me he was like I left it with Patrice at the minute of tavern and then I came back like 20 minutes later and he goes you a Bobby Put your hands up To the girl he goes put your hands up and he put his hands up to hers and her hands like fucking outweighed his mitts By like fucking nine inches. Yeah, he's got D line man hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah And I was like anyway uh, but he went

Hmm, and he just walked away That's a tree shit and then he pointed at our neck and just walked away Such a dickhead. Well, I don't know though. I didn't even notice until that I didn't notice until then and then we talked and she was like, yeah, I'm fucking you know I read her name was fucking Danielle, which could be Daniel. It was one of those names. Yeah. It was a little weird.

I mean, I got over it after. Did you do anything with her? Did you fall around her? We made out and shit, and I'd sit and she grabbed my hog a little bit in a vestibule. But I kind of was like, look, you like me a lot and I can't get over the fact. You know, I'm a little weirded out

and I'm a fucking mess because I was brought up, I'll fucked up and religious and shit and my grandmother's in my head, you gotta go to hell. I can't do this, I can't go any further, right now we could try and it's gonna, could end disastrous for you and me. Well, we could just fucking say,

hey, look, it was cool, we hung out a few nights and let's just fucking wrap it up. I'll tell you this. Excuse me, I'll tell you to suck my fucking cock. Oh, there you go. I'll tell you this. To answer your question. Yeah. Yeah, if that girl called in right now, right?

Right. And said, first of all, I don't think she would date me. I think she's out of my way. We are getting away ahead of ourselves. Absolutely, but that we have to do that. She would probably not want any one of us. Yeah, probably. The her boyfriend is probably shredded.

Oh, there's some probably some Spanish guy. Oh my God, we're getting away. If I'm just saying it. If, if she called right now and said, I heard what you guys are talking about, the roast. You wanna meet? Do you wanna meet? Why does she have to talk to you?

Like a beat, duh, yo Joey no shoulders. How about we meet up and have a grab a brew? She was like, you wanna meet for a drink? I definitely meet her. Whereas there's other things like I said, I don't like dudes, if a dude was like, I'd be like, no, then I'm not into it. If she said that, I'd be like, yeah, I definitely wanna meet her.

And then like, I just have to kind of take it from there and be like, I never did this before. Can I do it? Can I not do it? I don't know. But theoretically, I could fucking do it. So, yeah. You could do it like most guys do it

where you fucking sneak it in. I don't know, I wouldn't sneak it I'd meet her wherever I wouldn't get one high. I would feel like I had the high. Well, that's because on the surface Everything looks okay, but that's my point, dude. I love it. She's a girl. She's a girl. She's a girl, dude There's it that here's not I have to agree with Joe. She is a really hot pretty girl I have to agree with Joe. She is a really hot, pretty girl. Oh, you know what makes a girl?

A pussy. That's what makes a girl. That's the difference. That's religious bullshit and I won't stand for that. Bullshit, that's pure science. There's a difference between... Come on, let's go and learn some more science. There's a difference between...

Look, I was on ONA one day, we're talking about this and we were having the same discussion in Norton Went. Because they are girls, They're girls, dude And I was like, yeah, you're right like that's the thing. There's a difference between a Guy that got transformed into a dude with tits and a chick that has a dick and she's a chick that has a dick There's a difference dude. That's a fucking girl With a nice piece of smoking dude. She's hot. I, that's a fucking girl That's a girl with a nice piece Smoking dude, she's hot. I don't give a shit

We're gonna I hope I hope she comes on the show bitch. She smells like a girl I'm a little smitten with this shit you are smitten. I hope dude Stop looking at the cock. No, I'm not looking at the cock. I just know when she's funny, dude. She'll drop fucking slurs for the sake of humor. I was just sitting there, she's dropping fucking, she's dropping all kinds of bombs on her shoulder. Yeah, yeah, but she's not an asshole, she's not like racist, she's just fucking funny, man. She's doesn't, you really are working this up in your head.

She makes fun of her own videos. Her, her co-host was like, yeah, we shot a video yesterday where she was doing laundry she just started masturbating and she's like because that's what I do what I do laundry she makes fun of herself like she's fucking cool. Joe is smitten. He is he's fallen. I tell you what.

He's like falling the way that like when I meet a girl at a bar and then I do like on the train ride home like us meeting and dating you're doing that in your head right now. You know sometimes I don't like that my wife knows that I like fucking she-mails. That's really fucking ideal. She don't like it. You've been talking about it on staging on the air for 10 years. There's a deal. Someone's been googling Sheridan hotels and a fucking 95 she-mails sites pop up on the Google search. I got a fucking erase my cash more often. That's funny.

But, uh, here's the thing though, if you know it will shake you out of it a little bit, I saw this. I forget what it was. I think it was on the internet or something it showed. Um, you know, these really pretty women she-mails, but they go in reverse. Okay, so it goes they start out, they should not in reverse. Okay, so it goes, they start out, they should not in reverse, they show you from a little boy,

when they were little boys, they show all these photos all the way up into that kind of fucked up dude. You see this little kid, this little fucking dude with a truck and fucking jeans on. Teabulls, that's the thing. Yeah, he's giving me the Teabull playing soccer,

hanging with his pals. Like in the sleepover with both arms over the shoulders. Yeah, and then almost, yeah, and he's got a little soul patch. And some, you know what I mean? Got some sideburns at 16. And then he's, and all of a sudden, he's hanging with like two dudes in a chick. And then it's two chicks and one dude.

And then it's just three chicks, regular hot chicks. And he kind of looks, he's a good looking guy, like really sex, and then it goes to that fat blonde chick, with too much eyeliner, you know what I mean? And then he's got like some weird haircut. It's like long, with eyeliner, and fucking the down-to-modigra.

And then it just, It's a part of all in Brazil. It just ends with fucking this smoking hot chick. I saw a picture of her pre-op. Really? Yeah, Google, you've been Google the other night. You've been researching in your girl. You're a Google lawyer.

Did you, you're a fucking subscriber of podcasts? You knew it was subscribed to this podcast. I subscribed to our podcast. You follow us on Twitter. No. I literally today just got up and I was like, we were talking about it. We'll go with the joke, but he was like,

I mean, listen to a podcast, I was listening to it and I was like, I googled her and looked at photos Yeah, and they had a photo of her before hang on and it didn't shake me one good feel dude You're a cool one bit your feel just jerk off during your research. Yeah, yeah, you go What she looked like a little acidic Jew? Not to the pictures of her as a boy. No, not that I'm not saying you're sick. No, oh, oh sorry I'm standard Dan really is a homophobic a standard. Dan really is a homophobic. He really is.

I'm not homophobic at all. I love gay people. And I understand that if you like dudes, you like dudes, and I understand where you're coming from, that's just not for me. Okay, it's just not for me. Your personal preference is for like. You're one of the good ones.

You're okay, man. You're on a minor. Kick racist. I'm not saying. I'm saying, if you like chicks with dicks, you like chicks with, if you like this, how if you like this how about this if you like this Check with the dick. That's fine. I don't okay. I'm just not into it. I'm not saying you're wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just making fun of you

Bailey just so you know if you're listening dear. She's not listening Dan will not be with us if we interview you I Don't know you know what Dan. I don't know if we should have you with us. That's fine because you don't, because here's the deal. You missed out, you missed out on the, because I was honest or a G man. Because we could have had a fun, you know, and I'm, Joe's getting mad. Joe's actually mad like, I'm gonna try to cock block them. See? No, I was gonna move.

I'm not a man. What if she likes me? I, what if she likes me? She can like whoever she likes. Well, what if she likes me? I if she likes me? She can like whoever she likes me. Well, what if she likes me? I just don't want her to be upset about anything we're saying, because I want her to respect her. And I respect her and whatever she does,

and she might have a great podcast. I'm saying personally, and I'm just being honest with you guys, not for me. Fuck you, but you know what, not for you for what? Hangin' out? No, no, don't definitely hang out. I think it's good. Dude, I'd fucking hang out with you.

Yeah, I'd definitely hang out there. I'm gonna even hang out there. I think she's beautiful. The fact of the matter is, if it came down to game time, I wouldn't's good. I'd fucking hang out with him. Yeah, I'd definitely hang out with him. I'm gonna even hang out with him. I think she's beautiful. The fact of the matter is, if it came down to game time, I wouldn't do it. Yeah, that's all I'm saying. Yeah, you'll fuck a fat chick from Idaho. Easily.

Yeah, but you won't fucking. Beat it up. Bang a hot female. No. Come on, just tuck it and fucking. No. She smells better than half the girls you bang. Yeah, that's fine with me, because I like a musky.

Oh, yeah. Well, whatever. me, because I like a musky. Oh yeah. Well, whatever. Well anyways, I'm just, I'm just, Joe, I've never seen Joe. He's smitten. He's like really in like with this girl. Like I've never seen, he's never really come over and be like, dude, I met this girl.

Oh my God. I mean, this girl really is pussy whipped him. Like he's like notice how he's dropped You know what you could tell because he's he's putting the credentials in her sense of humor He's like she's so funny. You got it. You got it. You called her dear dear dear. Feel listening. I don't know why something about her Just just struck a chord. That's great. It's good to see that little Grinch heart of yours warm up Maybe I'm learning things about myself this morning. Yeah, you will blossom. Please take just one snapshot of her tea bag in your chin.

Dude, she is so, you're right. She's gotta be dating some guy that shredded. She's dating a personal treasure. There's always this way. That's what always bumps you out about. She males is that the hot, you know, that they always have some hot boyfriend, just like regular hot chicks.

They're just like regular hot chicks. They're just like regular hot chicks, man. Well, that's what abs in a fucking big, huge cock. It's like, come on, can you have some fucking, just, just lower your standards a little bit. They're not, that's the thing, dude, they're not like regular hot chicks. The dude always comes out, whether you're gay, straight, she-man, whatever.

The dude in you comes out and dudes like hot shit. There's shallow. I was doing it. I was doing a bit this weekend. I'm just getting nothing on it because I was doing it in Austin. In Austin's really like liberal stuff. But I was talking about lesbians and I was like,

I was like, you chicks have the gall to sit there and say that guys will fuck anything? Have you seen the atrocities that some of you women are fucking, these double-backed beasts? I'm like, if I brought one of these chicks to a party, my friends wouldn't just be confused to be angry. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? And it's true, dude.

Like a lipstick lesbian will date a fucking catcher. She will date a fucking year and not even a catcher and umpire with a beer gut. She will date a fucking umpire, but Tranny's date like hot dudes or hot chicks because they're still dudes deep down. They still want hot. They want to fucking show me. Sure. God damn well you never know dude you never know and you know what you know what though but she's not any any of the escort lists you can't you know you can't find her on the you know sometimes you can find these porn stars they'll be you know you can actually hook up with them she's just makes movies

does her podcast and fucking see you know she, she's kind of legit, to be honest with you, which is, she stole Young Joe's heart. She did, and I hope when we do this podcast, I think it's gonna be fucking interesting for one, because I've never heard comics interview a fucking, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Ever, y no me estáis en este momento. No me estáis en este momento. Es una cosa interesante y es una marcha de la sociedad. Es como, ¿cómo se le da? of like a societal change. It's like, dude, you guys realize that we are in the first generation, first error, where they were able to make convincing shemales. That shit didn't exist.

Like in the 70s, people were trying to do it and it looked atrocious. We're in the first error, where they're able to do it. They can reconstruct your fucking cheekbones, all that shit and make you look like a chick. But we're just at the beginning of it, dude. We don't know what, we don't have elderly shemals yet. We don't have senior citizen shemals. That's coming. That's gonna happen.

One of the beat cheaper. Yeah. That'll be much cheaper. Plus 50 discos. Well, listen, I, you know what? That's so funny that Joe, that's the, he's excited about not stem cell research. He's like Gary Gantz.

Yeah, do we want to cure all summer? We can make a liver out of fucking an ear. That's the he's excited about not stem cell research. You're against Out of fucking an ear, but you know what dude we're at the beginning stage Making convince The cable guy speech when he's on the dish I played Mortal Kombat in front of Taiwan! But the possibility to end this! What the fuck in hell there? Imagine a female on every corner! Fuckin' derosa, but I'm with derosa. I'm not with fuckin' you, dude. Dude, I don't understand what's...

I'm not being mean. I'm not saying bad things. Mm-hmm. I offended her a little bit. How? I'm joking. I'm just saying. We're I offended her a little bit. How? I'm joking. I'm just saying. We're kidding. Nobody offended anybody, dude. We just show.

Look, dude, here's the dude. Here's the point. You're saying what you, I mean, who gives a fuck? I mean, the reality is, is that, you know, there's two men at this table and there's one fucking half a bag. You're kidding me. Oh, we're good. I think, never in my life did I think that are taking on the side of that I wouldn't bang a She-mail I'd be called the fact that we're secure there sexual out your heart because you want to get

It's something to prove I say I say if you never had your ass eaten by a fucking other dude you a gay Well, let's just stand alone on that mountain bobby If you never said eat that pussy when you're talking about your asshole, you're a faggot in my book. Yeah, that's right Well, then just glitter me up And I never had a nice hot cock in your hand Trying to learn how to steer a fucking you just a smoocher in my book I did a buddy mine was doing that once it was so funny. We're all down the shore once it was so funny we're all down the shore.

Each other. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no fuck me up the ass right now. You know what you're fucking fang, it's scared to bang a guy in his ass. I was hilarious, I was so funny. I mean look there's a lot of fucking dudes out there. I mean you'd be surprised that what's starting to happen. To sexually, to me, back in the day, you'd be fucking hung. You know, now, I mean, kids are growing up now, it with gay, you know, glee and gay, and nobody gives a shit anymore. It's not a fucking terrible thing. I can give a fine fuck who you fuck.

I'm just got my own preferences. Right. Just keep it out of my house. Just don't bring it in my family. And don't look at it in my family. And don't look at me in the eyes. Jesus Christ, dad. You're gonna be a great Midwestern dad.

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna give a shit what you do outside of the stuff. Don't bring it on my lawn. Cause I'm wrecking, I got the right to shoot it if you do. I'm gonna tell you right now, got a shotgun with one on the chamber. That shit even hits my lawn. You never put something in your ass? I've had a finger once, I had a pinky finger.

What happened? I had juicy finger. Oh, Jesus. Jesus, this is hell. You guys have breathed through your teeth when you say stuff like that. I can't breathe through my nose. I've smoked too much, I'm probably just gone.

My nose for shit anymore. Anyways, actually, let's move on from this never ending haul. I was far all over the world. It's not dire, it's fucking me. We literally, we could talk about banging females, the whole fuck, we could do this every week. We could call the show, you know what? Fucking getting your cock sock dude, by a dude dude.

That's a lot of it. I mean, really, I mean. It's mean really I mean it's a lolly pop Joe I'm pretty wanna suck on it Joe's just looking for shit the suck Joe's all firing it burst with liquid in the middle Yeah I can't wait Joe Joe I have no commits to it Finally fucking takes a hot one in the cheek and realize, she's tasting shit. And then he just, it's not like my gizz.

It's not like my gizz. Oh, it doesn't taste like spaghetti or sauce. I was, I was with a girl one time and she'd go, she told me she wanted me to jerk off all over her tits and then rub it in. Yeah. And it's like, dude, that sounds like a tremendous idea until you jizz.

Yeah, then you have to rub cold jizz in. Yeah, I've done that. Yeah. It is horrible. It's like, oh god, it's all, you can feel it cooling off. Here's the thing, as soon as you jizz, whatever passion, whatever demon vampire, oh my god, love, passion you had with this broad.

It's dead. As soon as you're jizz, as soon as it comes out, and it's, you know what's coming up with it? The like I had for you. The fucking, anything that was getting me to be with you or the fucking kiss you and put my tongue in your mouth and try to be romantic with you and sexy and try to oh my as soon as that as that's coming out that's leaving me

too. As soon as that jizz is on you you become just a silhouette. You just know you're just a shadow. Jizz has the same shelf life as McDonald's French rice. It gets cold at hard, so fast. And you can't reheat it in the microwave. No, it's all, I hope the cocktail waitress wants to it was all tattooed up and she was like,

give me that, you know when you're all seeding, you're drunk and horny and she's like, you can give it to me all night and like, yeah, I am and I gizz and she's like, let's go again. And I was like, if you can get that back, if you can get that back inside me, I'll go again. Yeah, right. Cause I just wanna go to sleep.

I don't care. Yeah, put it back in, dude. Yeah, I you can get that back inside me, I'll go again. Because I just wanna go to sleep, I don't care. You can't put it back in, dude. I can't put it back in. I remember when I used to fucking bang a lot before I was married. I banged a lot of chicks, man. And I don't care how hot you are. As soon as I jizz, I'm fucking down with you.

Because the only thing that was getting me going was fucking getting, I wanted to blow a knot. And there's very few girls that can get me to jizz twice. There are, I have to take that back. There's been a couple of them. There was this fucking red-net country bitch with a fucking, just a pickup truck that I met somewhere, not even that hot, but she was just kind of a country hot.

And she just knew how to suck a cock. And oh my God, she knew how to suck dick. The best, I remember I was on crutches, and she came over and sucked my dick twice. And I blew two loads, very rare. But most girls, when you fucking jizz, I had a girl trying to, she was like, she was so hot, fucking smoking body of a fucking, just an athlete, gorgeous, pretty face, short little hair, look like a little, look like a fucking everyday American,

gorgeous head with this crazy fucking, oh my God, body. She was drunk, everybody was trying to fuck her in this hotel, all these show was going on and she came to my door with this guy. She had this guy that was trying to bang her in this hotel. All these show was going on and she came to my door with this guy. She had this guy that was trying to bang her. Find me, knocked to my door and she just came in. She shut the door and she was like, I wanna fuck you.

Where did you go? And I was like, what the fuck? Took her in my room and I fucking was trying my hardest not to jizz. Cause her, oh, as soon as my dick went in her pussy, it was like, my dick is never fuck something this good. My dick was like, like,

like, like if you went into a candy store with pizza, hamburgers, like every food ever, and they were like, it's all free Bobby, go. Yeah. I eat myself full in fucking three minutes.

Yeah. I just be, I can't even walk anymore. I don't want anymore, I want to take a nap. Right, and that's what my dick was. It was like, oh my God. And I was like, ah, I gave her that whole thing. Like she was like, fuck me hard. And I was like, no, you don't deserve that.

You don't deserve it. And I was like, something you don't deserve it is if I fuck you with one more struggle I'm jizzing in you. Oh Jesus, yeah, Dave, you gotta just stop. Hold on a second. Hold on, you suck. And then you want it to take

when the blood is pumping, it's like moving. I actually bouncing you like, I didn't wind up just, she gave, she backed up into my deck. Oh man, that's it. Mover man, came over man. Just came out, no, and I had no orgasm feeling though. It came out with just tingles.

Oh fuck. If you don't mean to pump that shit out, it's a waste. It hurt. I almost cried. Because it came out. All my gizz came out with no feeling. It just tingled.

The worst thing. It was like somebody was tickling my balls instead of having the orgasm I should have. And then she tried, she thought because she was so hot that she could fuck me. Like let's do it again. And I was like, you can try. And she was like trying to fucking,

she was like a shitty magician. Trying to push a fucking water balloon in her pussy. And she thought her pussy was just gonna go in her pussy and it was gonna go, oh, run back. Yeah, I say just a regular little pussy now. Yeah, that's so tough. I'm like in love with a chick before I nut. What?

Before I nut, I'm in love with a girl. What do you mean? Not every girl, but I mean, there's like girls that I mean, I'm like, I'm like, I can date this chick. Oh, you think about spending Christmas with her? Oh, goddamn, I love. Yep, then you blow it. And you think about you think about spending Christmas with her. Oh god damn I love yep, then you blow it and you're like oh that was just my dick and that's the thing girls Girls think that's rotten. They think it's evil. We're just speaking very can't alien honestly about it's like girls

We don't want it your dick place tricks on you. It's evil. It's devilish It fucking sits there and tells you these things and you go, and you really believe it. You're not sitting there manipulating a girl. You're not going, I'm gonna fuck this girl and then I'm gonna want nothing to do with. Good, you're not thinking that. You're sitting there going, this bitch is fantastic.

I love her. She's funny. And then your body has this chemical fucking change where you're just like, I don't wanna be around this person. Oh God, the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the best is the It's and you're not trying to be mean Joe's right. You're not trying to be mean. You just being on Joe Just out of a joke now. I got to remember something from our cheat show that I just thought of my Because I'm trying to remember all the jokes we did when we did that show Montreal and I just thought I Could have done this without making it weird. Yeah, you made it weird. Oh, man I mean everything's going down. Hey, why are you gonna smoke you guys?

You want to smoke yeah, yeah? I don't know, but I don't want to pull you off. All right. I'm eating so If you want to smoke we can thank you. We can't pause though. Yeah, here is my coffee No, there's a fucking a stray Joe can get it. Why do I have to get cuz you are a smoke a you can't? Set in between like can you put in the good seat and he fucking took that seat I took that seat he took that pocket seat yeah does you want me all right do you want me to change seats no that now god nice can make me feel bad about it and he's grabbed his dad you

never you never sucked a cock nope nope that'd be great if you just if out of like. Yeah. Good enough for Richard prior to be good enough for you dad. That's that's the best line is that he's like after a week. I went back to being a horny heterosexual. Where is it? Here's a deal. We don't have address Astray anymore because we throw them out. Just you tell me to get it. I don't know. Just want to see if you do it. We're going to do a little thanking right here to Daniel and Covare, K2V Internet Services. Trevor Toll, Anthony Ellobrock again, David Consulio. You guys all donated money to the podcast. We really appreciate that. You guys are gonna be getting my CD, Robert Kelly live in the email.

Very soon, I apologize, I was a little behind. Very busy this week filming the show. Who? Let's you. Let's you. Let's you. The show Tutu that's coming out on CBS, Robert DeNiro Pilate. Not a pilot TV show that's coming out.

He's not in it though, right? No, he's not in it. And he's not even... He's saying it like he's in it. He's producing it. We, yeah, we've been shooting, I've been in every episode. That's awesome. It's weird because we shot the pilot and I was just me and this other guy with just two guys ballbusting in the, they call it the mustard room.

You know, before you go out and you do the roll call and all that shit. And that's basically what we're in. And we rolled up on two rookies. It's about five rookies who, young, good looking, multi-cultural rookies who joined the New York City Police Department up in Harlem. And we're veteran, me and this other guy, a 10-year veterans and we're kind of bus balls. They call us, you know, we're basically waiting to do fucking out 20 year pension. Let me get the fuck out there

go live a long and And yeah, go get a house in Montclair But we we did the pilot and then they had us back for the show got picked up and then they have us back every week Which is fucking great. I mean we say one or two lines It's it's kind of a little limbo, because you'd love to get, like, if you could be part of the cast, you'd get some money, I wouldn't have to go on the road. I could just stay in New York and work on the show.

So I still have to go and do my shows all the time, but it's, I don't know, dude, it's fucking weird. I mean, I was running through Harlem the other night with a gun. That's awesome. That fucking four in the morning, you know, like, stop! Get down, police!

Get down on the ground! Pointing a gun at the students had, then jumping on them and I had to handcuff them, but I don't know how to handcuff. So I just, I would put it on his wrist and then put the other cuff in his hand and I told them, hold this. To be in a cop, let me tell you something, this is what fucking blew me away.

Running up on a guy, okay, we're this shooting this whole big scene. It's on the street in Harlem, it's kind of a drug trafficking street. This guy winds up shooting somebody, but the gun blows up in his hand. We hear shots. We go out and we see this guy. He was staggering on the street with a bloody hand and a gun, right? So all these cops are running in. We're running in. This is guy with the fucking gun middle of the night and a drug neighborhood.

You're walking up and this guy's flipping the fuck out and then you know, get on the ground, he gets on the ground, but then he starts fighting you. It's nerve-racking, like it was fucking nerve-racking to put cuffs on him. Nevermind with him, fucking off and trying to fight me. I couldn't get the cuffs on. And the only way, if I really had to get them on, I would have had a fucking, I would have had a punch

and just stop fucking moving you cock sucker. You get alpha male, like you you get like dude, you fucking, I'm gonna fucking hit you in my club. Shut the, grim your fucking arms and you really, I could see why cops act the way they do because you get scared. Just like any other human fucking being. And you get scared with a gun,

mace in a fucking club. Yeah. So that's why I would never get a gun because I'll fucking shoot somebody. Yeah, just go to the end. I get scared a lot. I have a bit my act about that. I'm not just I'm just saying that. Fuck it. So you don't think I stole it for five times. I'm not going to do the bit. You're probably going to sing. I'm just saying I have a bit for Joe.

I have a bit my act about guaranteed. He doesn't. Guarantee. He's going to take it and put it in his act. I guarantee I do. You know one of those guys who has a bit about you've tried everything on stage ever. It's not, it has, the only way it's in your act, Joe, is if you do it all the time and then you record it on a CD. You can't just randomly say, hang on. You can't randomly say something down in the East Village

one night and say, dude, I have a bit about that. No, you had a premise that sucks. Part of my headlining set, it works very well and it'll be on my next album. That's why you're headlining across the country my headlining set it works very well, and it'll be on my next stop That's why you're headlining across the country Joe Because it works very well. Anyway, it's not I'm kidding. I know You had to see what I'm saying though like I do I got fucking so fucked up I was like dude. I would yeah, I was you imagine I couldn't imagine being a real cop in Harlem at fucking form the morning

Having a fucking get a guy with a gun. When Billy and I used to do one in form, do we interview to cop? Don't ever talk about that show on the show. I'm kidding. We interview to cop on the air. Right. And we ask them about like when you hear these stories

that they unloaded 36 bullets into a guy and you're like, you know, what's that about? And he goes, dude, when you're in a situation where you think somebody's got a gun where somebody does have a gun they're shooting at you, whatever it is, he goes, dude, when you're in a situation where you think somebody's got a gun or somebody does have a gun They're shooting at you whatever it is. He goes most guys unload their clip before they get their gun parallel to point it That's or what is that not parallel perpendicular? Whatever He said because you're so fucking scared as you're bringing it up. Yeah, to point it You're fucking firing it the whole way up.

We probably have a million thoughts. And it makes sense, and the thing I equated it to when we were talking to him, I was like, yeah, dude, I go, when I play a stupid video game, like Call of Duty, I'm running out of bullets, and it's a game because I'm terrified and just shooting everywhere. It's like, I can't even imagine in real life how I would react. If I thought somebody was shooting at me or if they were, and I had to defend myself with a fucking pistol dude you'd go nuts.

It's scary man. I'm not saying shitty stuff doesn't happen. I'm not saying police don't ever abuse it. I'm just saying like, I understand sometimes how shit goes wrong because it's like, fuck man. We're gonna understand that cops are fucking, these guys are regular fucking dudes Yeah, they're regular fucking guys and yeah, they've I mean, but they get their fucking nuts too

They have the you know, they're crazy. They have problems. They fucking do weird shit. They you know, it's it's Like I've I've met a bunch of cops on this and they're regular fucking dudes So that's kind of scary too. Yeah, You know what I mean? Because think about the shit you talk about. You know when you're off the air of just busting balls with your friends or when you're a fucking outhang around, you know those guys are cops. The cops aren't fucking super humans. They don't make these motherfuckers. I mean there's a couple good you know perfect cops but they're probably douches to hang out with. You know. Right.

Most cops are just regular fucking dudes, and that's a job to them. And yeah, I was, I couldn't, I was panicking, you know, the first time I ran up, I was, stop, stop, get down to the ground! If I was a real cop, I would've just fired, shot the gun out of his hands. What's up?

Yeah, I know, I've shot, I don't know if you guys have ever shot a gun before. Oh yeah. Only once. What have you you guys have ever shot a gun before. Oh, yeah, only once what have you what have you shot? I grew up of course in Midwest where guns are plentiful Guns are plentiful and monster voices are fucking to be hey Woman is attracted to you by the depth of your voice No, my Women in your family have the same voice my mom has a really deep voice actually really funny

My The same voice my mom has a really deep voice actually really funny But my step that growing up. He's your mom his dad his dad was I was there you're from me for me and adopted. Yeah, yeah And with no linking traits between me and my parents. Okay, wow you're really open The guy slammed me on the radio so hard I was no linking trade should be a next CD. I was on the Dudley and Bob show in Austin. Last week, great dudes, man, great dudes.

And their fans of all, they're not gonna hear this. A fans of all the ONA guys, like their great guys, fun show, but right at the end of the show, Dale, the host started fucking with me, and he goes, he goes, you're adopted, right? He goes, I show, Dale, the host started fucking with me and he goes, he goes, you're adopted, right? And he goes, I go, yeah, he goes, God, your parents just must be furious that they look at you and see no resemblance of themselves whatsoever. That's just got to bug them.

You know what? It must bug them. And here's the thing is that it must bug them in a way where they're like, fuck, we rolled the dice and we lost because they could, they could have got like a savant or so gorgeous Asian with blue eyes and blonde hair. It's nailing the violin. Yeah. Yeah.

Some fucking just sick black kid athlete that's just even like a corn fed white boy that was given up in Iowa. I think it's fucking dirty. Looks like Patrick Swaisy. A dirty Arab with fucking black eyes. It's dark as coal. Mani, Russ Manivo always goes, he always goes, Derosa, do you think they knew when they picked you out of the adoption agency? What a fucking scumbag they were getting. They really did get a fucking hunk of shit.

Yeah, the fucking dude sucker. I can't wait. I hope she, I hope you guys, I hope she likes you. I hope she likes you and I hope you guys, I hope you give it a shot. I hope you fucking show up at a Caroline's Christmas party. That would be a good girl friend. She likes me. I'm giving it more than a shot. I hope you fucking show up at a Caroline's Christmas party. That would be... It's getting real girlfriend. She likes me, I'm giving it more than a shot. Really?

All right, let's not get that. Oh, that'd be great. You know how nervous he's gonna be when he did when we do the podcast? He's not gonna look at her in the eyes. Oh, he's gonna look right at her eyes. We're gonna be nervous. Yeah, you are.

I've been on radio with my hero. How did you hear that together? We had a meeting with Ralph Machio. I kept it together. I was nervous. Well, we were a little bit. I was. As soon as he walked in, he was like, hey, Ralphie boy, what's up?

I'm so sorry. We had a meeting with Ralph Mach. As soon as he walked in, he was like, all right, he's fucking old as shit. What are you doing? This is our idea. We're here to save your career. House. But no bullshit, dude.

We were riding down to the meeting in a cab, me and Bobby. And I'm just going Why dad what is your fucking problem like we're meeting the karate kid that's what my problem is I'm like do you know what this man meant to me? When I was a source of inspiration I was like I really had to like get my fucking cool together That was that was the most nervous I ever was before meeting. Easily, really, yeah.

That was a little weird man. I mean, we had this idea and we pitched it to fucking apostle who's fucking crazy amazing. You actually have to be careful with him. Like, I've actually pitched ideas to CERPRACO and he had a meeting set up the next day and I was like, I was kidding. I was fucking kidding. It was a joke and he had a meeting set up the next day and I was like I was kidding. I was fucking kidding. It was a joke and I had to go take this meeting with these people

that I was kidding about. And he was like, all right, well fucking, take the meeting anyways. But we, we, we literally, we came up with this fucking idea of how over sandwiches and me and Joe, me and, if there's one guy I'm good with, brain storming with, it's fucking Derosa. Me and him are on the same page when it comes to brain storming. And we came up with this idea, and then I, literally the next week we were in the fucking room with Ralph Macho, pitching the idea.

And I still think it was a great idea. And this, what sucks about it is that he, he was a little hesitant about looking like a fucking, you know, being who he is now. Like we do, we weren't trying to make him look like an ass, but it's like, dude, you are the biggest star in the world. And now you're not. So, let's, but I think more so than that, we just kind of got sidetracked with this other

thing we're working on because we didn't know what was going to happen. And it did. Right. Yeah, we got this other, we got this otherity that was a little more ready to go and Rarron the secret opera the secret the secret the secret that we can't talk. Yeah, Sherpa co-Tom and Liri I'm gonna email me about the secret. I love it Sherpa go Tom and Liri at a at a possible. It's just hilarious because you'll call him and you'll go You know, I just hear me out there. I just got this idea

You tell him and you go no look. I know it just hear me out there. I just got this idea and you tell him and then you go, no look, I know it's crazy, but you know, we're thinking, you know, it could be like a Clint Eastwood kind of thing and then Cerberic Ol just go, I don't know. I think it's a good, I don't know. I'll call Clint and see if he likes it. You know, you're like, wait a minute, you know. You know these, yeah, I mean, he's cool, man.

So we'll call him and you know, we'll just see what's up, you know, like, they were I mean he's cool man. So we'll call him and you know We'll just see what's up, you know, yeah as far as pretty as production wise man. Holy you really have to be careful with these mother fuckers They'll have you they'll just have you in a meeting looking at like a denaro Yeah, and being like hey, what's up? Yeah, my idea that I was fucking joking about But you you have, really high shoes. You work at a shoe factory. I happened to us with Tribeca when our film went to Tribeca,

and they called us and they go, you guys wanna try to submit to the Tribeca Film Festival? We're like, yeah, yes. And they're like, all right, it's the last day, let's see what we can do. And then like two weeks later, we love your film here at the Tribeca Film Festival. You guys wanna see, what do you think about a book?

We're like, yeah, sounds a good idea. We're like, we're like 20 pages, 30 pages up. See what we can do. And so, I'm on vacation in Aruba. All right, Simon and Shushka wants the book. They want it off the table. It was a bidding war. This is the last offer.

I'm like, okay, okay And then I my the rest of my vacation sucked because I was just I gotta go home Yeah, and then yeah, I mean even the secret project Jesus Christ Yeah, pretty nuts. Yeah, they're they're pretty fucking amazing I really have to give it to these cock suckers. They really are for a bunch of bald fucks and fucking Fucking gray-haired Conan That fucking dapper spy he looks like he looks like fucking black water Yeah, you know what I mean black one there the there the like the a murk group that goes in the water

Yeah, is that what it's called it's called black water. Yeah, yeah He should out he's the guy guy in Iraq that has the different weapon that doesn't wear uniform. He just has a camo vest. And just a gun on his shoulder? Yeah, he has some weird weapon with some laser, fucking commando gun. Yeah, he's the guy.

He'd be like, what are you doing? Don't worry about what I'm doing. I bet he could pull some Jason. No, he wouldn't say anything. He would do what he does anyways in real life. He'd smile and wink. Yeah, that's what he does anyways in real life each smile and wink That's what Tony does hey, hey man better days coming. He is a gorgeous man to send into a meeting before you Yeah, he really is you know, it's a

And then and then to say you need him going in first because in serpico and Celetti are gonna go in after with the fucking twins Paul go teach wins and then I come in after it looks at the evolution of Conan Yeah, it looks like he's capable of some boring identity shit. Yeah, yeah Anyway, they're good people good people. Well anyways, we was I don't know how we got sidetracked off of that We were talking about being nervous about meeting people right and we brought up to Machio thing might now who Who else have you met? Does anybody that made you a little Fucking nervous. I'm not Macho man. Yeah, yeah, you're making nervous. It creep me out because I met old Macho man

Like he what he did a rap album. Yeah, yeah called be a man really. Yeah, yeah, the whole thing He just dis is hogan on every track. Yeah, it's not a bad wrap out the beach pretty good. He even like them. No, they had like a huge huge falling out But I worked at a radio station in Arizona and I went to pick up my paycheck and I walked into my boss's office and he's like, you know, who's in the production studio right now? And I was like who and he just does the macho man hand thing and I go Are you fuck macho man is in the building and and he's like, you wanna go meet him? I was like, yeah, I do. And I walk in and he's got his sunglasses off

and his eyes were all sunken into his head and his skin was all like old leather. And he's just like, very nice to meet you. And I was just like taking a back a little bit. I was like, oh my, you were my hero growing up. Really? And then he did some drops for us.

We were like, hey, can you just say like this line? And then you can add it. Fucking awesome. Yeah, but I was like, the whole time just staying in the production studio, like shaking like this, this fucking smacho man. That's fucking awesome. That's fucking horrible.

Do you know what? The other time too that I was, that I was like, I had to like get my shit together, was when I did, when I was on board the death for that one episode, we, they did a table read for the episode and I had to go in. And I already knew Zach, so, you know, it was cool. And I really admire Jason Schwartzman,

but that was more just like, oh cool man, great to meet you. But the fucking guy that I could not get my, it was, was dancing. Yeah. Cause dancing, I'll tell you something, if you had to define a man, it would be Ted dancing. You're like, that's what a man is. That's what he looks like, whatever.

And dude, I'm sitting there, I didn't have to read anything with him because he was in different scenes than I was. But you're just sitting there looking at him out of the corner of your eye and you're like, that's fucking Sam alone. Yeah, that is the Sam alone. You're like that's iconic, iconic sitcom character. Top 10 easily iconic sitcom character of all time. That fucking guy is the shit.

He is the shit, dude dude then I sat across from f-mory abraham really yeah and I ended up taking the elevator down with him and he talked to me about baseball for like 15 minutes we're just walking down the street what what what were you in the tallest building in the world what elevator on takes 15 minutes we went down then we're walking through the street together I was just talking about a big descriptive cocksucker and halfway through it, you're like, this is the fucking guy from Amadeus. What the fuck man?

Just crazy. I actually Oh, shit. I did I did A scene the other night. You know who's in the scene with me on the two two Who's a really nice guy the guy from Who's the kid members say what again mother fucker what oh Frank waley Frank from you were a Frank waley. He lives right down by Gotham. Oh, that's awesome. Really? Look at the man.

Look at the brains on bread. No, what? That guy is in so many of my favorite movies, man. Yeah, swimming with sharks. Oh, swimming sharks. Ha-fa. Yeah, and what's the big one that he was known? Well, maybe Pulp fiction.

I think he was in the doors. He was in Pulp fiction. Yeah, there was another one though. What was the other big movie he was in? That he's known for. The one where he's, I forget what it's called. The one where he's with Jennifer Connolly where they're trapped in the store all night.

Mm-hmm. What the fuck is that movie called? What's his name again? Frank Whaley, WHOLEY. I sat across from one of the subway one day and I didn't have the guts to say hi to him. He was his kids and shit, I didn't want to bother him. He's actually a really cool dude.

He was on the set. And I actually, I know him from psych, he was in an episode of psych, which funny enough is a segue because he actually played a ghost that was haunting himself because he was a cross-dresser. That's funny.

Yeah, he was a cross-dresser. That's funny. Which, yeah, he was a cross-dresser. He had his little room in the attic that he'd go up to and become a woman and then haunt himself. He tried to kill him. He tried to kill him, you know what I mean? That's funny. And he was really, really fucking good in it. He did psych, which I fucking love.

He's done a lot of shit, man. One of my favorite... I can't believe it one of my favorite DVD extra things that I ever saw was front was on the doors DVD They talk I'm sorry dude fucking The baseball fucking movie he played feel the dreams feel the dreams. Yeah. Oh shit That's right. She gram. He played for God. He was in there. Archie Graham, dude, this kid's been in everything. Yeah, guys got a hell of an IMD footage. Yeah, he's like Kevin Pollock, he's one of those guys who are like, he's been in every fucking movie

with every director, like, but on the doors DVD, one of the feature ads, they're talking about how Val Kilmer really wanted to become Jim Morrison. And two weeks, they start rehearsing two weeks out from shooting and Val Kilmer really wanted to become Jim Morrison. And two weeks, they start rehearsing two weeks out from shooting and Val Kilmer made everybody call him Jim. So we could get in the part. And they're all being like, it's really amazing. Val, I love Val Kilmer, man, but you know,

this is just so funny. They're like, Val, you know, everybody to call him Jim and we really appreciated how into what he was. And then it cuts to Frank Will and he goes, yeah, I remember getting that memo. It said, we were all to call Val Jim for two weeks. I decided instead to call him asshole. You know what I'm saying?

That was fun. I was like, this guy is just a fucking dude. And he's actually, he's got two kids now. I took the van home with him at like four in the morning the other night and we were shooting the shit. And he's got two kids now. I took the van home with them at like four in the morning the other night and we were shooting the shit. And he's got two kids and he's like, this is the best shit that have happened to me. And he lives down.

I told him to come down. I was like, dude, he goes, yeah, he goes, I know you're doing a show over by my house because I got them, put you out there for like fucking two weeks. And I'm like, yeah, he'd come down for a night, you want to come down. He's like, yeah, you for drinks till you free drinks. And I was like, no, no, no down. If I do not, you want to come down. He's like, yeah, you for drinks till you free drinks.

And I was like, fuck, no, no, no, not free drinks. That's hilarious. I don't know, because I don't, I don't know what type of fucking alcohol I give you. I don't know how many you can put down. You're gonna fucking see you yelling shit at me. You know the story about him drunkenly heckling you. Yeah, I don't want to be like, you know, like Mac and Row

and fucking Mr. Deeds. Yeah. Did you ever see the Jimmy show? No. Jimmy shows a movie he wrote and directed. I think it might be based on a play that he wrote. Really? But he plays an alcoholic who's married and his marriages

and shambles and he works at a grocery store during the day and he's just fucking up and he becomes a comic. He wants to do comedy and he's really bad at comedy. He just bombs but throughout the movie as they keep showing a stand-up, it starts to become more of like this therapeutic thing. It is, it could be the most depressing movie I've ever seen in my life. Like it hits so close to home with a, with as a comic, you're like, I can't, I almost bought it a bunch of times and I'm like, I can't, I can't watch this movie.

It's too real. It's too fucking real. But he's fucking great at it, man. That guy's the shit. Yeah, he's, there's a lot of, the episode we just did, there's a lot, but I mean, in the show too, there's a lot of people in it. I mean, I'm not good at names,

but there's a lot of stars in the show. When's it a slated to come out? It's coming out I think after January and yeah it's fucking cool. I mean I think I'm in every episode I say one or two lines which is which is fucking cool. Yeah there's always interest to me about movies and TV shows. The gun they gave you. Real gun. It was a real gun. When you have to pull it it's a real gun. But you know it can't fire and he shows, the gun they gave you. Real gun. It was a real gun. When you have to pull it, it's a real gun. But, you know, it can't fire.

And he shows you, you have to look, the guy, the prop guy, Lee, who's fucking hilarious, by the way. He shows you, they have to fucking help me with my belt on every fucking time. Oh God, I wish I had a picture of that. Dude, it's like addressing a Santa Claus that doesn't give a shit. There's like, here's your belt, Santa Claus that doesn't give a shit There's a here's your belt mr. Claus

You get two guys one pulling one pushing and no rock Watch go left go my left knock your left my left Roger so Yeah, it's a real gun. It's a prop gun when it's just you're in the whole sterile It's not gonna when you have to pull it. It's a real gun We haven't we haven't shot yet. Have you shot a gun? I shoot guns all the time.

I'm a fucking ace. Are you? I don't know why I can shoot guns. When I lived in Arizona, you could literally for an afternoon for fun. You can just go to a shooting range and pick out a gun and just go, like it's like 40 bucks in the game. Yeah, pencil man, you, my buddies do it all the time.

It's like you have to go. Should we do that when we go do your show in November? I'll go, and I'll go in a second. And it's so funny, my friend that I grew up with was telling me about it and he goes, dude, so we went and he goes, I was so fucking nervous. He goes, I was literally like sick with anxiety and he goes, I wanted to leave.

I was like, dude, I want to go home right now and everybody else was like, come on dude, you got to do it, we're here. And he's like, I don't want to do it. They're like, just shut up and do it. And he goes, the. I was like, dude, I want to go home right now. And everybody else was like, come on, dude, you got to do it, we're here. And he's like, I don't want to do it. They're like, just shut up and do it. And he goes, the second I shot it, it was like, this is the only thing I want to do. Yeah, all the fucking times.

What I was saying earlier, my stepdad's dad was a World War II that had a huge gun buff. And we'd go visit him and he had a shed. Like, you know, the movies with the assassins show you where they keep all their guns. He had that kind of shit. And I was like 10 or 11 and we went out to the desert Nevada and I shot every kind of gun.

I shot a son automatic fucking dust till dawn room. In the back. It was like it was just fucking he had everything shot guns AR 15s just all these guns. Shooting guns is really fun, especially if you're if you can you don't have to be You know an expert shot to have fun too. Yeah, but how great is it? An empty clip when you pop it out. Yeah, and then you put a new one in and slide it back I shot and I rack out on the fucking desert on one of the bases and I I've got 40 I think it was 48 out of 40 Jesus and they made me sign it to the fucking, like the captain or something, because I beat him,

like the marine guy. I fucking grilled him on. Great if you're an assassin, because no one would think it. I would love to, I, this is for a totally another podcast, but I could fucking kill somebody. I could, if they said to me, look bro, we need you for this country and we're gonna fucking, you're just gonna kill people and you look at, this is for our country. And it had to be done or people, like, it doesn't be all that.

So yeah, so you're saying, if you knew you were taking out a guy that was gonna cost a lot of lives. You be the American? Yeah. Who are you calling in? Bobby Killing. Do. Do you ever see it?

Yeah. Do you ever watch, uh, do you ever see Nightmares and Dreamscapes? Do you ever see it? Do you ever watch, uh, do you ever see nightmares and dreamscapes? Do you ever see that show? No, fucking Joe with his Roll of Decks of TV shows. This is what makes me sick about fucking Derosa. Is that he knows that you haven't seen. Hey, you ever, you know, see that independent European French? Oh, no.

Give us fucking Iraq. It's a zebra stripe. It's about Palestinians. Do you ever see a nipsy and Iraq. It's a zebra stripe. Yeah, it's about Palestinians. Did you ever see Nipsey and me? It's about the documentary about Nipsey Russell that he made on his phone. Fuck off. It's, I'll lend it to you because I think you'll like it.

Yeah, what is it? TBS did it. Oh, you know what I mean? It was just like an awful indigestion. It was a series. They did eight Stephen King stories. They did one hour episodes for each. But there's one. The first episode is called Battlefield. Fucking awesome. William Hurt plays a hit man.

Yeah. And at the beginning of the episode, he kills this toy maker. And he goes back to his place. And all of a sudden, he gets this mysterious package. And he opens it up. it's army men and it's like this set contains two helicopters, 30 soldiers, two trucks, three cannons, whatever. And he just is like what the fuck? And he walks away from it and the fucking things are alive. And they all come out and he's got to fight these fucking army men and his apartment. Dude, it's awesome. And there's literally no dialogue in the entire episode. There's not one line in the entire fucking episode It's just him fighting these things in this car. No, no dude going fire. No dude Wow the only the only time anybody speaks is when William work a shot with a canning and goes like

That's it, but it's awesome man. You got to see it great episode. Can't go wrong William hurt Bob All right, well We'll check this out. This is the we're gonna wrap this up. William Hurtbop. All right, well, we'll check this out. This is the, we're gonna wrap this up. It's been an hour. All right. All right. I'm hungry.

You hungry? Yeah. I don't know. We'll get some lunch. All right. Then I gotta go home. All right, relax. I'm ashamed.

I don't know. I don't know. What? You said we're gonna wrap it up. I said cool, let's go get some lunch. What was it? I was agreeing with you. I don't know if I like it.

Maybe me and Dan were gonna do another podcast. Maybe we're gonna do it in two. Oh, good. I won't do another one then. All right, well, just, well, maybe I'm wrapping this one up and we're just gonna start another one up, Joe. All right, well.

You got to do difficult. All right, well listen, here's a deal. Here's a deal too. We're actually coming up with a new logo that the next Pause cast we're gonna talk about I'm gonna show you guys and tell them what you think And if you fans out there, I don't I might throw it out to them if you guys are designers or fucking you know if you stink if you just do it as a hobby Yeah, okay, go ahead give it a shot, but don't get mad at me when we don't pick it. But, uh, you know, if you just whipping around on your phone, but we're looking for a

new logo, a new icon for the You Know What Dude podcast. So, um, if you guys, if you anybody out there is talented, and you want to try give a shot send it in to Robert at Robert at Robert Kelly Shit, what the fuck is my email? I forget Robert Kelly at gloryholeradio.com is the fucking email address if you want to email me here It's Robert Kelly at gloryholeradio.com and Dan at dance soda on Twitter at dance odor on Twitter at Joe de Rosa comedy on Twitter Yeah, what's your website Joe de Rosa comedy dot com? None just a Facebook and you don't have a website. Yeah It's kind of sad Joe. Yeah, what's he gonna put on it his?

Huh it's gonna sad Joe. Yeah, what's he gonna put on it? His No, that's it. That's all that's it. Don't go any further. You don't need to find it What's he gonna put on it? It's a fucking Joe's like gun. I think Joe's all fired up today for some reason Good night sleep. I came over ready to do it. All right, man Well, we'll we'll see you guys next time on the You Know What, Dude podcast. I'm gonna be in Hartford I'm actually being Fort Lauderdale when this comes out. It'll be in Fort Lauderdale. Where are you gonna be? Probably nowhere When does this come out next week next week? You know what I think all I have next week is on November 5th Saturday, tune in for the

Secret show to the future the thing we're doing from Anthony's house. I had to cancel that. I know I'm fucking bummed out. I mean look I told I really love Danny This is gonna be a blast. It was me. She didn't fucking soda fill in Maybe maybe maybe I don't know if they, I think that's a good idea, but I don't know if they'll bring in somebody that they don't know already, you know. Well, fucking, I was gonna meet you and come here. And Danny, it was gonna be fucking awesome,

but I had, you know, what am I gonna do if fucking turn down thousands? Yeah, you just sit in a, I have to sit at Ann's house and watch you guys go all get shit face and make fun of back to the future too. Yeah, it's, you you know, it's gonna be fun man. It's gonna be a fun thing What's the show again? It's called secret show to the future to November 5th from the compound and then I also Yep, just a plug every Tuesday night. I met the people's improv theater in New York righteous kill every Tuesday 9 30 p.m So check that out if you can yeah, so make sure you go check out that show

that Danny's doing with Joe. What's called again? Secret show to the future part two. Secret show to the future part two. I'm gonna do the next one, hopefully. It's gonna be really funny. Make sure you check that out. Go to the website, go to the Twitter, support the show,

subscribe on iTunes, spread the fucking word, get this cock sucker into the top 30, at least maybe we were there, we'll get back. I want to get on News and Noteworthy. I know, how nice. I'm going to be great. News and Noteworthy. That's about it for this podcast. Thanks a lot for listening and if you have any questions or anything, go fuck yourself.

Thanks again for listening to another episode of You Know What Dude Podcast on GloryholeRadio.com and make sure to check out all the other shows on the Glory Home Network. If you're using the Stitcher app, type in the word FART when you register. I tune you so don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. in the word fought when you register. live, not available in stores. If you have any questions, email me at Robert Kelly at gloryholeradio.com.