Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Shiny Helmet

Episode Date: February 27, 2017

This week on YKWD: We have Mike Cannon, Wendi Starling, and Myq Kaplan! Bobby and Myq share hilarious stories from their times at the Comedy Studio, Wendi shows us how she keeps it real, and Mike comes back on the show to check on the fleshlight he gifted Bobby years ago! Watch / Listen and enjoy!    RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast, no rules. What are the mic-ass holes? I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic-o? No!

That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch? Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-cad. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10-no-pops. There's no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin.

That's how it all holds the stars. You love the fuck out. You want to do anything? My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. To Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome.

You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome.

You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome We have a great news for you. Welcome to the show. Live YouTube, thank you for tuning in live. Thank you for watching on YouTube.

We have a lot of listeners that seem to be checking out the YouTube page. And of course, you audio fucking files who download it. God bless you for doing that. We're back. We have a very special day. You know, last week they had a day without immigrants.

And today we have a day without Depu, our in-house and immigrant. Yeah, we have one immigrant. And we couldn't actually let him have the day off because we don't know how to use any of the equipment here. I need Depu. We need Depu. So we, he's here, but it's a day with our deep whose voice. He can't talk on the show. This is the best day ever.

People, how are you doing? Yes, it's a favorite day. I apologize that we couldn't let you like take a whole day off. No, I need to answer. Well, I mean, look, you can be mad about that, but you don't have to be. Oh, you know what? That's just fucking rude. Maybe you should come the fuck down. Yeah, seriously, that's rude.

Yeah. All right? Yeah, exactly. You should say sorry. We have a date without Deepu. Well, just for the pre-show, we need him during the regular show. We have a bunch of, we have great guests on today.

What's the first guest, Deepu? What's his name? Oh, okay, I'll take that over, Deepu. Okay, so we got my... My cap, is on first, and then what's the next guest? My Cannon. My Cannon. There you go.

I would see an him for a while. And who's the third guest? Wendy. Wendy Starling. Wendy Starling. I didn't get that first book. I just thought it was Wendy. It could be Wendy or Williams.

Who know? Wendy. That's going to be a great show today. We have a couple of guests coming in to sit in live. I'm wearing my, my oaks, my fucking oaks. Shades Kelly. Shades Kelly's back. Thank you. Yeah, exactly oaks. Shades Kelly. Shades Kelly's back. Thank you.

Yeah, exactly. You do. You love Shades Kelly. Do you just got a bow? Ha ha. Look at that. A little dick just popped out. We uh, well let's get into good fan, bad fan. Yeah.

The thing that is actually making us, who some fans really love and some fans really hate. What are we going to do first? Good fan or bad fan first? Let's do good fan first we gonna do first good fan or bad fan first let's do good fan first let's do good fan first ready comedy jerk said get away for the fucking job for some good thing bitch I don't even I don't even fucking understand what kind of animal was that Wait, he's not even a good frame breath. Were you an Australian guy like with shit in your mouth?

All right, so go ahead good fan first great Closest thing to tough crowd in podcast form. Very funny. It is a true comic hang, you know. I guess sometimes we do get shit for not talking, you know. But it's the way we roll. That's why KW Motherfucking Day. Yeah, and if you ever cut me off again, I'm about to go into a fucking rant.

I swear to God. And you're confidence too. I'm a buck's going to a fucking rant. I swear to God. And your confidence too. Exactly. You know what? You're not going to throw acid on her face today, D. Bull. So the answer is now I have a bad fan. Are we ready for the bad fan? This is a bad fan. This just mean as shit. This fucking douche. Are you ready? Deepo. What? God, you know fucking immigrant. I said, I, uh, all right, here we go. Ready? Um, bad fan. Bad fan. His name is, uh, Brandon Phillips.

I somehow think this is deep. Um, I skipped most episodes lately. Well, I mean, look, dude, you're not really a fan. I mean, you have to be a fan of the show. Bad fan means you still listen to the show. I mean, you're not even listening, based on the terrible guests. What the fuck?

But listening to a recent show, something made me laugh. Something. I bet this is coming across very passive aggressive. I don't even guess complain about there being too many people on Pur show. It's hilarious. I don't know if you are like buckled over laughing. Hilarious to me is, I don't think it's hilarious.

I think you're over exaggerating. I think it was Paul Verzi and one other guy saying, there's nine fucking people in here in this fucking tiny room you call studio. Perplexing to me. How comics still come on to listen to Bobby talk about his eating disorder and temper tantrums for two hours. I mean, all right, well, at the end, he has a good point. Yeah.

So at the end, you actually came through. That might be, that might be a good fan, but a slash. Yeah, that's a tell love Lauren and Lauren and Deepu with a peace sign. So he loves you Lauren and Deepu, he loves you. Well, he's still a bad fan. How do you feel about that? You love that. Bad fan, bad fan, very bad fan.

I suggest you go fuck your mother and stop listening entirely, judgmental to what? Who would listen to something that they hate? That just, I've never liked. If I hate something, I never go back. And I never. But you do a bad boy friend. I always go back. Wow. Yeah, because that's where you exactly. I mean, she is a whore, right? So we problem. Okay. We got one more good fan. Let's do a good fan. Great seeing Sodor and Lewis back on. Also, just got to know has Jim Norton ever done YKWD. Jim Norton has done YKWD. He's done the live

wake. YKWD, two of them he's done, which, you know, he's the best. I love Jimmy. It's hard to get him on because, you know, he works. He is shows in the morning and you know, the, you know, NAFTA is usually doing his shit. So I definitely would love to have Jim back on, but he has been on live. The first time I had Bailey Jay on, check that, that's, I think you have to be a premium member to get that episode. It's me, DeRosa, Bailey Jay and her husband.

The first time we all met, I introduced Bailey Jay to Jim Norton and the world of the ONA crowd. I saw her on YouTube and then I hunted her down. Yeah, fucking creep. What a creep I am. I'm not even watching her porn. I'm just, I'm seeing her just walk around New York City with a lollipop and a backpack.

Fucking pervert. And yeah, and then there's another one we did alive. I think our second live show with it was me, Lewis Dan, I think Joe Scopo and Jim Norton with Bailey J and we had a blowjob contest who could who could suck dick back better Lewis Gomez or Bailey J and fucking Lewis sucked. We had a fake this this still the right one. Yeah, the brown one actually But it's not black to you. It's black your racist fucking Jersey white trash The black one. It's tan. It's a Puerto Rican. It's a Puerto Rican. It's we um, yeah, and Lewis

I mean really just gave great. I mean unbelievable head He I mean the video's up there too. He's not the live show last year too. He's unbelievable So there you go. So check that out. All right, what else? Do we have another bad fan? We do. Do you want to end on a bad fan? Let's do it.

Oh, sure. Uninformed comedians talking about politics is a waste of my money from hog. Can I get a refund? Yeah. Just can't. Yeah, just cancel. I mean, what do you want to say?

Yeah, you can have your two bucks back. You fucking piece of shit. Hit the road. Look at man, it's a tough time. I mean, it is, it's hard to listen to any politics now because everybody, you're gonna hear somebody that you hate and you disagree with and there's gonna be somebody you agree with.

And then there's gonna be people like me where you're like, what the fuck is he talking about? It's a hard time right now to talk about politics. It's, I don't know. So yeah, dude, you can get your money back. Sure, here's a, well, I'm not gonna get it to a lot. I'm not gonna get it to a lot. I'm not gonna get it, but you know, I'm sorry.

What are you gonna do, man? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm fucking fed up with it. I'm done looking at my Facebook feed and seeing this guy and that guy. I mean, the only guy that I like right now is Tucker Carlson. He actually, and I know he's, you know, right leaning fox. I get it. But he's bringing people on. I want to talk about on the show

today. There's an episode of him where this guy was claiming that he ran a company that hired protesters. They paid protesters to go to Trump rallies and disrupt things. And he paid them a lot of money. And Tucker Carlson had them on. And then he was the only news source that had this guy on. All the other news were just saying, oh, this guy does this. And didn't even vet the guy. Tucker Carlson did vet him. Found out his name was fake. The company was fake. Everything was fake. He made it all up. And he called him out live on air.

Wow. And he, you, you, you see the guy just kind of by the end of the, um, the segment. He's like, yeah, you got me, but you're the only news company that actually bought the duty research before they had me on. Everybody else just spread, just spread this like it was news. That's the problem. You know what the fuck is real, almost fake. How do you like my glasses?

I gotta say you're really turning me on today. Really? Yeah, I like them. You know what, you're an asshole. I love you. What? I love you. Deepo. Deep You're an asshole. I love you. What? I love you. Deepo.

Deepo is a joke. I love you, Bobby. Oh my God. Wait, can we shades all the time? Can we be shades, Kelly? I'm going to have to take these off. I'm getting used to. Check out our insert because I just

put up a sweet shades. Shades, what's the Instagram? YKWDUDE podcast. And what's the YouTube page? YKWD podcast. Check us out. If you want to be a premium member, make sure you download the YK,

Robert Kelly's YKWD, you know a dude app. For where? We all have to check with D-Po. We're all looking at D-Po like just getting head nods. We know this. Yeah. Yes, thank you, D-Po. We're going to have to bring you back D-Po soon, because this podcast is going to find head nods. We know that. Yeah. Yes.

Thank you, dude. We're going to have to bring you back to you soon, because this podcast is going to find a whole part. It's all the app. We have some great stuff. We have another cruise with kids coming up very soon. So check out all the social media. We'll be posting about that.

Yep. So yeah, make sure you join, like become a premium member. You want to support the podcast. If you like the podcast and a lot of you do, it's $1.99 a month. You just download the app for iOS or Android. You sign up right there and it takes it right out of your phone or whatever the fuck it is. And it's as easy as that. You get all the back episodes. I think over 300 episodes. Yeah. The all the ones with Joe DeRosa and me and then the beginning of Monster Voice and the Joe list and Gomez and to where we are today. So and you get a bunch of videos up there.

We have creeps with kids. The first one, we have the Yankee swap, we have the podcast, all that. Oh, they contacted me. They want us to do another one. The podcast. The podcast I never got back to. Fuck, I'm a dickhead.

Fuck. Anyways. All right. So here we go. What else do we got? Deepo, anything? That's it. we're done. We're done.

That's not like a cleave. You know. It would. Queef's gross me out by the way. It's unpredictable. Sometimes they come, you just can't fight it. Yeah, but is it from a smaller peepie or is it from a big penis? It's from a big penis.

So a big penis will make you queef. Yeah. Oh, alright. At a certain angle, it's air just like flips up. It's gotta a big penis. So a big penis will make you quave. Yeah. Oh, all right. It's a certain angle It's air just like flips up. It's got to come out. Throw up I'm gonna exactly it's disgusting. I'm so glad Deepo you never have to deal with quaves with you a weird sharp pencil dick that you have Relax it's not that bad. Oh come on on, Dupo. Fucking ass hell.

You know what to cry about, it's stupid. Are any of our guests here? Yes, they are. All right, let's bring them up. Bring them up. It's, we're done. Yeah, Dupo, you're back on. Hey, it's gonna be a tough Dupo.

Vac, thank you for coming back. Thank you for letting me observe a day with that Dupo. Yeah, a day without Dupo. What are you doing? Hey, oh shit, all right, get that. I'm always so happy for you when Lauren goes below the desk to grab some of them. I'm like, maybe she'll throw you a feel. I'm really a fucking idiot.

I should have just made her... Like that shit had been like, look, if you're gonna be part of the show... You have to be under the table. You have to do weird shit to my peepee in the studio after everybody leaves. There's no time. No, it's not. I would not have done D-Poo, but... It's all over. It's fucking over. It's all over.

I've gained too much weight since that. Oh, I don't want to match him weight because we'll lose another fuck yourself. All right, yeah, we get a great show today. Yeah. Oh, so there's a couple things I wanted to bring up. What's up? Yeah, so if you want, we could talk about the Milo thing,

the Milo versus Bill Mar. Yeah, we could talk about that. We could also talk about what happened to Milo today, which was really interesting. He was supposed to speak, I believe, I forget for the Republican Party somewhere this big, I mean, it was pretty respectable. And a lot of people didn't want to speak, even on the right didn't want to speak, because, you know, he's... He's disinvited from CPAC. Yeah, CPAC. He was supposed to speak at CPAC, which is a huge CPAC. Yeah, CPAC.

He was supposed to speak at CPAC, which is a huge event and someone released audio or video of him talking about pedophilia or joking about pedophilia. Well, from Bill Mar. He did that on Bill Mar, too. He did. Yeah. Talked about the very disrespectfully, I guess, kind of just nonchalantly. Yeah, people thought kids who cares.

They're crazy. So we're transgender people. They're crazy, too. So I didn't of just not shawling. Yeah people fuck kids who cares. They're crazy. So we're transgender people They're crazy too. I didn't even catch that really. Yeah, he made himself he had a bad showing on Bill Marr so I Think we can talk about that. I would like to talk about that. What else also there's a guy who he got a lot of shit for doing Joke basically on the internet. He lost an endorsement from Disney. He lost an endorsement from YouTube So when everyone gets you get here, I want to play that clip that he did. That sounds great.

And see if it warrants the treatment he got. Okay, great. Should be interesting. What else? I also have some things queued up. The end of the circus is over. Officially, you can never take your son to the circus. There I can.

Or Barnum and Bailey at least. Yeah, there's plenty of the circuses. It's just not a three ring circus. Like Barnum and baili which is not i mean i don't i don't think it's that bad of a thing the circus ending and the three-ring circus anybody's ever talked to about a three-ring circus it said it was a fight it sucked

because you didn't know where to look there was three thing going on at the same time and it's like what the fuck am I doing? So, I mean, Barnerman Bailey, I guess it's historic, but it's, you know, all right, so we'll talk about that. Hi guys. How you doing? Right, how are you?

I'm good, I'm good. What's up? Are you all right, man? What's happening? Can somebody help this? Are you putting a bomb to get? What the fuck are you doing? The headphones are trapped around. They're kind of wrong. Oh shit, let them help you. this, are you putting a bomb to get, what the fuck are you doing? The headphones are trapped around, they're kinda around.

Oh shit, let them help you, let them help you. I thought I could do what I'm saying. No you're a guest, you do it, you sit down, relax. I don't want you panicking, I'm fine. All right, I know, it makes me, I have anxiety when I see shit like that. Mike, what's up buddy? Good buddy, I saw your bomb on the internet somewhere.

You're a nice rump kid Yeah, did you add you put any filters on that it was just pure rump. Are you filled in your ass? That's funny. Are we good? Awesome. All right. Let's sit down everybody Mike you're over here Let's introduce everybody. I think we're missing somebody had a pee piece Um, we had today here is Mike Cannon. Hey, how you doing? The return of Shades Kelly. Shades Kelly, yes!

You fucking know! I know, man. Shades Kelly's back. I gotta think these off. I forgot I had them on. I'm so, yeah, go ahead, sure. I'll help you stop, sweetie. Shades is amazing.

I haven't been up here in a while. You were here back when it was just the corner. Yeah, dude, this is like a fucking space station. Yeah, it's a nice studio now. Yeah. Some fans think it's terrible, but. Who? Once without imagination.

This is like a fantasy way. Now I'm just gonna grab some balls. All right, let's go through the guests. We also are joined by Wendy Starling. Hi. Wendy Starling, how you doing? Welcome to the show. Thank you, and I think it's from it.

You've never been on. No. Yeah, this is for where you're from? Long Beach, California. Oh no shit. And are you here now? Have you been here for a long time? Yeah, it'll be two years next month. Oh, so it's not that long, but all right, but it's long enough And then of course we have what's up? We are also joined by Mike Kaplan today. Mike. What's up, buddy? Hello? Thank you for having me. You've never been on. I think I was once when Yesterday and It was a few years ago. You do a lot of shows a long time. You must have been over here too. Yeah, it was definitely

Pre this pre this. Yes You free eliminate all those old memories. My wife does that when I'm naked I just want to fuck you pre this and that you host my stomach. I like it Fucking awful. Well, welcome back. Thank you so much. How you doing? I'm great. I I was just got back from some shows in North Carolina this weekend. I had a real good time. What club? I was doing a bunch of different rooms. Durham, the motor co is a cool place. And then the idiot box in Greensboro and a place called the Southern in Asheville. It's funny that a lot of comics are doing that now before you would just have to go to that club in that town.

Oh, yeah. And play that's how you do the road. But now you could go and just play a bunch of little spots. Yes. And make some money and play all over instead of playing one room for the whole weekend. Absolutely, it's great. You just go and you do, you book, it's been a lot of time doing more things and then you get these amount of money.

It's great. It's pretty, actually, on the tour I did, we did that. Yeah, no, it is really fun to do a different place every night. I feel like a robot's mending out in a tenor area, though, but the latter you have to fit more things in your day. You are a little, I mean, you're a very interesting fellow. I agree with you. Thank you, Bobby.

I'm different than other people. Everyone else is the same and I am. Well, I mean, look, you're very different. You stick out. I hear what you're saying. I'm not arguing with you. It sounds like I might be sarcastic, but I'm genuine and sincere and appreciated. Yeah, it really is.

I remember the first time I met you, I was like, you know the guy, does this guy like me or not? I like everybody, I definitely do. But I don't, I remember the first time we talked, you were down at this comedy cell at table. Yeah, I was like, I don't, is this guy a dick? Like, am I a dick?

Did I say something? What is it? Why is this guy? I understand, you know I was reading something recently about how, I think when people see different people or things they, it goes back to, you know, it's threatening in, you know, in cave person times, you know, if you see something like, I don't know what this is, is it gonna murder me? Is it poisonous? Is it a wild thing, you know? I did have a thought of hitting you with over the head with something.

I understand. I'm very threatening. You got to just do a certain dominance. No, just I, my alpha was like, hit him. Yeah, I got to insert dominance. No, just my alpha was like hit him. He will take away your food and family. There is something threatening about intelligence. So I'm immediately on my heels around somebody that I think could make me feel like an idiot. I'm on my heels right now. Which is like 90% of the population.

Yeah. Well, I just react caveman brain. I just start smashing shit. Well, I'm smart and I'm smart in things that you don't need to be smart in. Do you know what I mean? Like, what do you smartest at? Well, I know secret codes for video games.

I know, I can, I can figure shit out. I can, I can build anything. I can do all manual shit. I can do all that guy stuff. And I can, you know, but like when it comes to like math or grammar or speaking or words, or math, I can't,

or that shit, I have to really become an ear in those conversations and say, mm-hmm, that's right, that's, I say that's right. Like I actually understand it, but I know. Well, me and Stavros, we have a list of words that he's not allowed to use on the road with me. Cause we'll be sitting there and he just say something and be like, really dude?

Like I have to fake through that word, whatever, go, go, go, go, whatever the fuck it was. You can't even come up with it, I can't, you don't know them. Exactly. He just probably throws out Greek words to be an asshole. No, it's not there because look at dummy Even though he looks like he's stupid as shit. He's a very smart. He's just using superfluous vocabulary

Exactly that word is not allowed on my show Vocabulary means a list of words. So that word vocabular is not right that down I saw stop the other night and he was like exasperated. I was asking How he was doing with you on the road And he's like, you know, we just sometimes we just fall fall off real deep You look like you're back from battle. Well, we we try to eat Great, but we're just it's hard, you know, yeah, it's it's hard We just did a casino together and it was great. Oklahoma. What a, I love these casinos.

I used to fear getting a casino gig because you think it's just going to be old people who are out slot machines. Not anymore. These casinos, these little reservation casinos, like, you know, they got a little nothing too crazy, not like Foxwoods or Vegas or even Atlantic City. Smaller than that, these great little spots and they have little venues and they pay great money, you go in, and your fans come.

What club in Oklahoma the fuck am I going to? Right, right. It was almost sold out, packed house. They fly you in great money, but they feed you. Like, they took us for a steak dinner, an hour before the gig. Yes. So me and Stavar, we said just,

steak, we got two rib eyes, cowboy rib eyes, and we just ate and ate and ate, and I was on stage. I was writing my notes backstage, sweating, like I had fucking meat sweats. And he came off and he saw me, he goes, are you okay? And I'm like, I don't think so. Like, I shouldn't ate, like, and I was on stage,

and I couldn't even move. Did you have to bring it up? How were you just burping out juice? It was just, it was bad. I like how this story started. You're like, I love this casino gig. You're like, I'm dead. I almost did die.

That's even at the Lake Tahoe. When I, a lot of the casinos, they give you vouchers. And when I was at the Tahoe improv the last time, I did the same thing because you have vouchers. But a lot of restaurants will close at eight or nine o'clock at night and the show's at nine o'clock. So you either go binge eat 75 dollars worth of deep fried something or I would get it and put it in my hotel room

with no fridge and a seat spoiled food after the show. I love that band deep fried something you know, their breakfast at Tiffany's song was really great. Is that work? Yeah, stop me and stop us. Did I want to, is that work? Yeah, stop me and stop us. But we always want to find an argument

because he's so left. And I'm a little right moderate down the middle. I'm a little both, but I really love kicking his buttons off because I'll just say something stupid. Be like, women, what the fuck? What do they need? Yeah, but really? I mean, and he just goes off.

Yeah, he really, he catches himself though now. He catches himself. I'm like still stuck on the buffet thing because it was like a good steak dinner and said because I don't know, I do shitty. I did a Mohican son in the Poconos recently. Oh really? And so they give you the voucher to the timber buffet

and each and every time I've eaten there, I've like just had explosive diarrhea for the rest of it. You have to be careful at a buffet, any buffet. You have to be careful. I'm literally eating the salad at a buffet. Yeah, you still have to be careful. Because yeah, it's just a buffet at a casino, isn't it? Right.

It's not, there's millions of fucking pounds of shrimp being eaten by a bunch of fat people. Oh my God. All day, 24 hours a day, there's just shrimp. You just see these packs of fucking pounds of shrimp being eaten by a bunch of fat people. Oh my God. All day, 24 hours a day, there's just shrimp. You just see these packs of fucking fat sludge piling muscles on there. There's a lot of, there's no possible way your body processes that. I had said to, at StarVice at one point, I was like, where are the best looking people in this casino?

And I was like, this will never happen again. This is a very rare moment. And then he tweeted it and he got like 900 fucking likes. And I was like, this will never happen again. This is a very rare moment. And then he tweeted it and he got like 900 fucking likes. I was like, that's my fucking tweet. That's my tweet you fucking. He's like, he's better with words, you know? He is.

I was less wordy. I went on and on about it. So anyways, yeah, the casinos are great. I really do like playing those. But I like what you do too. I love that. I love we would not be holding to that club where you have to get in middle and then headline and hope your agent fucking blah blah blah. And I really like great use of beholden. Look

at what you're doing. I was very nervous saying. I could tell you were sweating and I'm like did he just eat staker? Was that a new word? I would also like to say that I do think that women need as well. So I don't know if I'm on Star Wars side. Yes. Well, I didn't want to finish that statement. I was such incredible recall.

I love you feeling the blanks of what they need. I have a pretty good memory from a few minutes ago. You've already established your robot. You're a white boy. Take that cup out of his hand, whatever's in there, is feeding him more. Oil. So anyways, yeah, the tour we did, we actually did comedy clubs

on weekends, and then we did one nighters during the week. And some of them, like one of them was that we did a three nights in, where the fuck was it? Michigan. One of them, and each club got better and better and better, a bigger and bigger. But the first night was in just a fucking rock bar, where there was just a homeless guy sitting there,

yelling shit out, and he's a resident's homeless guy. They weren't kicking him out. Like he was just there, so you had to deal with it. And the next night was a better rock club. Guy with a home who was yelling at you. Do you understand my joke? I take that. Thank you.

You know I don't have to blame it on us all, but some of them will stay. Appreciate it. Take that and compute it. Fix it. I had a guy with a home. It wasn't the best. You got me.

I know how to learn. Oh, home full. That would have worked. I had to say, I'm sort the best. You got me, I know how to learn. Who, home full, that would have worked. I have to say, opposite of less, thank you. Where are you from, man? Where are you from originally? I grew up in New Jersey. Oh no, shit. Yeah.

Why do I think you're from somewhere else? I started out in Boston. We're in Boston. At the comedy studio and then everywhere in there, you know, like a comedy connection and nicks. Tell people what the comedy studio is because a lot of people know nicks and they know dictorities. Sure, sure. But the comedy studio is who started that?

Rick Jenkins is the guy who's been there for 20 years. He owns it, he runs it, he hosts most of the shows. And where is it? It's across from Harvard. It's in Harvard Square and above the Hong Kong Chinese restaurant. Right. And yeah, it's been there over 20 years now. They do shows almost every night of the week. And it's like Eugene Merman started out there. It was sort of like the

alt club and when it was like there are people like Conan would come and do like auditions there and a lot of people like Brian Kylie started out there and Brendan Small and like the very first show I was on. All farmers nobody knows. They never made it. The first time I performed, I went on after Jonathan Katz and like Louis was on the show and it was just like, you know, in the early 2000s. Well, now was that before catcherizing star used to be in Harvard Square? Yes, that was after. It was after.

I was there. So it was probably replaced. This club probably replaced catcherizing star. Yeah. Because catch was an all club. When I started me and Dane and this Al Dau Benny, we used to go to catch and it was Mark Marin, David Cross, Chris Comedy, and it was the all club. And they treated you like shit too.

If you weren't, if you weren't all D, you know, I remember the first, that was my first show ever, catcherizing star, you signed your name on the wall and then you had a show six months later. So you had six months to wait for this spot, and I brought my whole Irish Catholic family. And there was like 15 of them,

and they were laughing at me. Like, and he actually, like before the show, I was like, over there, they were all laughing and being loud. And there was like two other, three of the fans there. That's it, it was like a Tuesday shit show I was like over there, they were all laughing and being loud. And there was like two other three of the fans there. That's it. It was like a Tuesday shit show. I brought the crowd and the owner walked up to me and he goes, listen, tell your family to keep it down. This is an all club.

We do not appreciate lunch lines. We snap. We snap. Call back. Yeah. And my, I look, I was terrible. I was terrible. They had no business laughing. You can get in curly tendrils. No no short side curly on top, okay, but What's up guys? How you doing and

Now you guys have been here before what's happening man? It's the kinky couple from three months back. Yeah, the kinky couple. Oh, I forget easy easy We'll get into it. Yeah, don't get me round up. I will talk about this right now I don't know if I can go down my dirty side really quick. I'm like, I'll go over and talk to them. So you stay right there. Cause I have to talk to you. I did a little research on YouTube.

Hey, hey, hey, ho. That's actually part of it. Hey, hey, hey, ho. Yeah. Who's quick now? But yeah, it was, but it wound up closing. I actually went back there. I had a bad experience.

The guy, when I came off the host, he said, give it up in front of my family. It was just the crowd. Give it up for Robert Kelly. People are so different from me. And I was like, well, I have it on, if I could find this tape. Oh, I got you have to find it.

I had this tape, but I used to, when I used to pick up headliners, I would play it for them in my car. I would time it perfectly though. It wasn't the first night, wasn't the second, but definitely like around the last, when I'm, hey man, hey check this out. Now you're just sticking in, hey, can you listen to this for a second?

It was a five minute set. It was terrible. And one of the jokes was a visual. Like in what way? I an act out or you had a picture board. Were you playing it for in hopes of future work? Or this was like because I think I wanted somebody to say I was good. I just wanted somebody to say that I was doing the right thing, because I- These are people that you were working with all weekend, though, as well. It was the headliner, yeah.

And I would pick them up, and I would have to just pick them up. A lot of times, I remember picking Gilbert Garfrey up and just driving him to the gig. I didn't get stage time. Ah, I mean, one time they would be like, oh, you can introduce the show, and that's it.

I think. I didn't give a fuck. I would always, whatever it took to get into the main clubs, I would do. And I just wanted somebody, I took my acting teacher out, and I took him for dinner once, and I was just like, do you think I got it? You do got it.

Bobby, you do got it. I'm an alien. But I just wanted to go, you got it, kid. He was like, I don't know, and he was just ate his food and left. Can I ask you, you know, you've been doing comedy like 20-something years now? Yes, sir.

Do you know what point you felt like you didn't need somebody else to tell you that you got it, that you knew that you yourself, that you did? Mm. I think, that's a good question. I think last Tuesday. Bare, bare, high. That's the kind of joke I'm talking about

by this guy who's got it. Ha, ha, ha. Do you like the pause? Yeah, I was like, he's really thinking about it. Yeah, I mean, look, I mean, you're never really, no, of course. You never really know. I mean, you're always looking at somebody,

I was going, fuck, like I look at Louis and go, what the fuck, why does he have to exist? I felt like I was almost somebody and then you know, Burgess took it to some level and you're like, where the fuck did he come from? I remember when he was doing Tin Burr jokes, you know? Louis was doing Dolphin, whatever the fuck you want. I was on the prolific fucking philosophers of dick jokes and

all. Let's kill them. Yeah, I would take their spots to it. That's so funny. It's time to come up to traveling together on like the Lear Jets and my god come on. Come on. Can I offer the the next level that you can take it to is I think these impressions of what they used to be be like look at you guys all revered for everything. This is who you used to be like just take down sort you guys, all revered for everything. This is who you used to be. Just take down sort of like, you know, like, what is it? Kathy Griffin style, just stories of the past. I love that you just keep going when you realize.

No, no, no, no, no, no, I've got to get there eventually. Take that, man. You just wanted it. You wanted that. That's a, I'm cold. Wow. That was like a, that was like a robot just fucking going off the rails. I know that's like he's tricking us, he's talking,

he's pretending he has body temperature so we don't know. But you're on command. Just want to make it clear guys, I am a human being, I do have feelings. You're not hurting them but I do have them. So what is that, wants to know who eats more on the road at these casinos? You were stubborn. Oh, this is the road at this casino, you were stubborn. Oh, this is the, this is why he bugs me. Because we go to a hamburger place, this hamburger place been there for 70 years, right?

We go there, whatever it's called, burn out, so whatever. And we order food. I order a large fry because I'm off the rails. If I'm off, I'm off. Yeah. I'm not pretending to be. He orders a small fry. I go large.

He goes, before he orders his small, he goes, do you want to split that? I go, no, get your own fucking fry. I'm off the rails. Right. I'm not half trying. If I'm eating the fries, I'm eating the fucking fries. And then, so he got a small fry to kind of say, I'm controlling myself. And then, so we're sitting there eating, he ate all his fries.

He had two bites left of his hamburger, he goes, do you mind if I take a couple fries? Cause I ran out, I go, no, he didn't have any fuck face. You should've got your large fry. I got my large fry, cause I know how to eat. Yeah. You tried to fucking make me feel like a fat fuck. Now you're the fat fuck who has to eat his hamburger

and not have the sweet taste of a couple fries towards the end. I've had this entire interaction with my wife. Yeah, the exact same thing. I've had it too. Yeah, I'm like, no, I ordered this because I'm hungry enough to buy it. You guys are heroes.

I like, yeah. So he pretends, look, I think it said he's trying and I'm not when we're saying fuck it, but whatever. You know yourself and he doesn't know himself. He wants to be better, but you know you're not better. Well, it's like big J, big J pretends to eat, like you wanna get food, oh I'm not hungry, how did you get this way?

I've asked you what you wanted three times say, you said no, I'm not. What fucking, do you have a pillowcase full of fucking treats? You said fuck. That's why I love Yamannika. I went out to dinner with her the day before Valentine's Day and we were just at TGI Friday is her choice. And they thought we were married.

So they asked us if we wanted ice cream before we had gone. We had already settled the bill. And I'm like, ah, you know, I don't know. And she's like, apps a fucking loot leave on ice cream. She's like, bring it here right now. They brought one plate and we just ate out of it like two lovers. Yeah. Me and me and Starvars, we have rules, though. I have rules on the road with him because he's such a fat fuck.

You cannot eat the last one. You have to ask because if we got dumplings one time and he just ate through them. And I'm like, what the fuck did you do? He goes, I just thought you were, I go, how the fuck do you do? I thought it was a race. Honey, no, fuck you. I'm like, you ate, I go, if there's one left,

you have to ask, that's the fucking rule. Can I ask, because I'm a, I had a girlfriend who I would, we would not split things, we'd get things and I just eat the most. Girlfriend? Yes, I did have a girlfriend. Okay, I was kidding. Oh, was it a joke about sexuality?

No, it's a joke about you having a girlfriend. Oh, I had a, oh, I did have a girlfriend. Okay. I was kidding. Oh, is it a joke about sexuality? No, okay? It's a joke about you having a girlfriend Oh, I know I understand I'm very I get I'm polyamorous. I have sex all the time Polyamers write that down fair enough But like we I would I would eat too much Yes, and she would be like hey, I was supposed to have like half of that and so after that I would always like split things exactly with everybody and most people don't care much like we eat whatever You know, and it's fine. But like now if like I'm eating with a person

and there's like sick, you know, seven dumplings, we're like, oh, we'll each eat three dumplings and then we'll decide at the end if we're gonna split it or who wants it more or whatever. Like so do you guys not like initially when you see a discrete number of things be like, you get this many, I get this many. No, he just eats every, like we're the other day

and there's melon on the table. We got fruit for us. So we're eating and I was talking to somebody and he just ate through the fruit and there was no melon left. There was a piece of pineapple. And I'm like, dude, you ate all the fucking melon. He goes, I didn't think you were eating it.

Do I have to eat it? You have pace. Do I have to go toe to toe with you through the whole meal? We are all different. I mean, pineapple is the best. I hate the melon. I was pineapple is the best I hate the man You stop shoveling food in your mouth. It's like you're done Bobby bring me on the road I'll eat all the pineapple you eat all the melon. I'll help you with your words

You'll help me with manual things. Yeah, I'll be a great team That's good. I'll be a learning that a box. Yeah, please. I've been taken Tai Chi So it's like a reality show We come off the road. I know shit. You know, I don't get beat up. Yeah. Yeah. You're not a blow yourself in a shower.

Oh. You know shit. I do know shit. I did try this. Anyways. So yeah, let's go back to this. I do want to talk about this, this comedy. What's it called again?

The comedy studio. Comedy studio. Oh, yeah. Which is is really a breeding ground for I think the comics after my Generation they because Nick's was gone a lot of the clubs closed you had the comedy connection was pretty much headliners all weekend There was no dicks was here and there. Oh, yeah, there was no place to go in that studio is where a lot of Comics went and and and got their chops. Oh, yeah I mean, I started out that was the place that booked me first and then but you they would only book you like maybe once every like Few months or something in the beginning So I did also have to go I went to open mics at Dictorities every week You know, there's like a two person bringer at first and then you work the door there and then they'll give you time as well

Yeah, and eventually when you're okay, then you can get booked on showcases and things. But yeah, the studio was like my home and still, I love going there. And the greatest part is this Chinese restaurant downstairs. Oh yes, they'll bring food up to the upstairs too. Now do you get a discount on the food? Oh no, nothing like that. Oh right.

Chinese people don't fuck around. Not a bit. Ah ha ha. Now you got your big break with last comic standing? Yeah, that was the biggest thing. That's what people were like, Now you got your big break with last comic standing. Yeah, that was the biggest thing. That's what people were like, oh, wait, who's this guy?

You started popping around? Yeah, most people, if they are fans, that was the first place that a lot of people stopped. Now, where did you get that out of Boston or New York? I moved to New York in 2008 and did that in 2010. So the first year, for a second year, you... Pretty much. That's crazy. Was that epic for you to pop off that quick

and come into New York? I mean, I just got like live at Gotham in 2008. So that was like the first thing that people didn't watch but was a thing that you moved to New York. You're like, hey, I'm a guy who has a credit that, oh, everybody has that here? Okay, great. Oh, like, hey, I'm special more than,

oh, it's a different pond grade. But yeah, then I started like, I was in some special more than, oh, it's a different pond, great. But yeah, then I started, I was in some New York's funniest competition at Caroline's, and I think I won a few competitions in 2009, so it was sort of gradually, everything was going okay, and I had a college booking agent, and that was the first year that I didn't have to work any other jobs as well, 2008, 2009.

So it seemed like it was, I mean, not like I deserved it, or was like, I had it coming or whatever, but it was super nice. I was very thrilled. That was a year I started and you were that dude. I remember I was doing the door at Broadway and whenever Mike would come through, it was like such a fucking huge deal for me to see somebody that was on TV and it's solid in front of, you know, some of the dumbest human beings just gathered together in a basement. And he was still making his material. Why that club? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just a, you gathered together in a basement and he was still making his material. Well, that club.

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just a, you know, in a malgamation of every different type of person that doesn't even necessarily know what comedy is. Right. And there, yeah. I know what that one is. I, well for me, that's for me. Oh, no.

I really don't know what that was. I mean, I can piece it together. I can infer the meaning. Infer, put that one down. I can't. Pacing it together is what an amalgamation is. You just did it. Thank you.

I just felt that one of these words correctly. Dibberish in this paper. Gibberish, right that one down. How about joke? It's a joke. Right that one down, asshole. I don't really write that. I can't spell.

She's really, I think it's down like we're gonna put anyways. But so Mike, that's nice of you to say. Yeah, of course, man. It was just cool because at that time, especially, that crowd there was pretty tough. Well, it's funny with YouTube, is you fresking my my show, you were a new guy. I mean, what would you do?

You would do a flashlight because I did a bit. That's what it is. About the flashlight and they just sent me, dude, they just sent me a bunch of boxes of these rubber pussy, so it was just leveraging myself to get onto pumpkin. Yeah, he was the weirdest thing ever. Like, he got on my show by giving me a flashlight

and I was, but I really wanted it and I fucked it. I fucked that one. Yeah, and it's the worst thing I've ever done in, while I was doing it, I felt like such an animal. Yeah. And then I have it in my act now. It's like how they didn't think it through because you fuck it and you come in it.

And now I'm just holding a cup of calm that I have to clean. And it's like, I don't even, like, and when you pull it out, it's like literally ripping a real vagina out of a human. It sounds like just, cringot. Dude, I used to put it over the faucet

to make sure it cleaned all the way. Oh, the four guys have to hold a cup of their own cup. And that's what it feels like to be a woman every got him dead. I'm wiping it off your face. Face. You have it. She says, I've been attached bucket.

Yeah, and discussing you. Yeah, that's, that's, every day my fucking life. Yeah, but at least it off your face. My body is like, you have it as a comtatch bucket. Yeah, it's disgusting. Yeah, that's, that's every day my fucking life. Yeah, but at least it's always pouring in. Why every day you pour? If I'm not, if I'm not, what are you doing? How much stage time do you need? The point is, last comment standing was my big book.

Yes. Ah. I, I real quick. I want to get to you, my, yeah, I had to do side guests right here. You guys got a mic, oh, they're not to do it. Yeah. What what's up guys? What's going on? How you doing? I'm good. How you doing? Okay, you have microphone to her mouth to yeah, the cup. Is the cut you guys doing any crazy stuff in New York? Yeah, but you're doing any crazy stuff like what do you mean? I know sexually

Yeah naturally. He's especially. Do you want us to tell you later about it? Yeah, tell me that those are offered for live during the show. Send me a video, right? You don't want to see a video. Anytime you want to see a video, then you see a video. The lighting's always off and it looks weird. You know what I mean? If you get that porn has a lot of production in it. There's a lot of lighting and makeup and then you have a girl send you a, hey, send me a video and then they do it. It's like, what the fuck? What is it? You have a pimple and you're right between your asshole. There's a pimple. You can't see that.

Well, thanks for coming back in, guys. You got it, man. You guys are weirdin' me out. Just put the mic down. You know, thanks for just being creepy, but not giving any cool sex toers. Like, here we go. And they're like, we're doin' stuff. Go back to your Jesus Christ.

This is very comfortable. Very comfortable. So you were comin' on, you gave me this flashlight and then now you're kind of, you're popping off now. I'm doing all right, yeah. You got a TV show? I mean, I'm doing TV appearances and stuff like that. Like what?

What's going on? I mean, I've been on Red Eye a bunch this year. I'm filming something for true tomorrow. Oh, that's great. I have an access tape coming out on. Are you writing for somebody, though? No. No, I mean, I used to, I wrote for a guy code Oh, that's great. I have an access tape coming out on. Are you writing for somebody though? No. No, I mean, I used to, I wrote for a guy code

a couple of years ago. How do you write for a guy code? Hey, the best part of that show is the goddamn precision writing. Really? Oh, what's the favorite thing that you ever wrote for it? Yeah. Something probably about poo or masturbation, I would assume.

Ooh, what about put them together? I'm pretty sure we did. Jim Jizz in poo. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how you get deep poo. Yeah. Sorry.

That was a good word stuff, Bobby. Thank you. It's already working. It is where you're rubbing off. And you, Missy, you, I list, you're at, I mean, you have a fucking crazy life. Yeah. And a crazy shirt. Ohy, you, I listen to you right, I mean you have a fucking crazy life. Yeah. And then a crazy shirt.

Oh, thank you. What is that? Did you make that? No, some guy was selling this in the, in Soho, he paint some and then he had a t-shirt stand on the side of the street. And I was drunk and it was 20 bucks and I got it. I love that. It is, it is pretty cool.

It's a mouth, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. Oh yeah. I hope. So what's up with you?. It's a mouth, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. Oh yeah. I hope. So what's up with you? You got a lot of, I listened to your act. It's, I listened to two sets that you did. Oh God.

Well, I'm gonna say this. Can you mind me saying this? Go for it. Well, one was very, and I hope it was you. I'm wonderful. I hope they were both you. One was you, it was very, it was jokes. It was good jokes.

You were killing. It was funny stuff. But then there's another set where you talk about being gang raped at your friend's wedding. Right, and that's when it gets real funny. Is that when you met him? Well, that's the one that you hope was her. Right, well, because I jerked off to it four times

before you came in today, I really know what was you. No, it's just, you know, I don't want to say it. Oh yeah, no, that's not me. And that's the mother girl that I really wanted on the today. No, it's just, you know, I don't want to. Oh, yeah. No, that's not me. And that's the mother girl that I really wanted on the show. I know. But it's, when you, you told it, when you start talking about that, I'm like, I, you,

I love that because it's like, oh, this better be good. Because if this is not funny, this is going to be uncomfortable for everybody. But it's, it's, you know, something tragic happened. The one thing, I mean, I don't know if it's not on the joke or you don't get to it. You don't, it's at your friends wedding and something fucking happened. And you don't get into the details of it, but you're actually, you make somehow, this is why I love comedy, how it's healing, and it actually brings people together and you take something so fucking nuts, so fucked up. And you talk about it in front of a crowd that has been hearing jokes all night.

And all of a sudden, you bring this up and you're like, yeah, and it worked. Yeah. People were laughing. Women were laughing, guys were laughing. Everybody was laughing. They were, I mean, I was uncomfortable when I first heard it, but then I was like, what the fuck?

And then you made it work. Yeah. I mean, how, how did you go heard it, but then I was like, what the fuck? And then you made it work. I mean, how did you go from, because there were two different sets, and it was a little, it was almost like two different people too. One was a joke, you know, you're comic, doing stand-up. One was somebody telling stories about their life. Well, the first, I think that, when you probably,

because only have a few things on the internet, and the one was like, it's just an MC set. So kind of stuff, you know, if I'm, you're doing 10 minutes at the top of a show, I'm not gonna open a show where I've got two comics coming up after me with just like, with rape stuff. And then I have a quick closer, it's called back to the opening.

It was up, but then. Let's do it. Just one up. Okay, excellent. You have the marketing, everybody. I know what you're thinking. But so but I was one of the gang rapists. You just have to do like, yeah, speaking of the two guys who raped me, we got you featuring your headlighter coming up now.

I'm getting too free dinner tonight. Give it up a gym, Norton, and Rick Voss. And then he got traded to the Nix. So I don't know, it's just something that I started talking about on Twitter when the hashtag Yes All Women came out and I'd never talked about it and it happened for six years after it happened. And then with all my comedy, this stuff that became jokes, a lot of it comes, it all comes from real life.

And so I was like, let me see if I can maybe work this out. And when I started to talk about it naturally to my friend on the phone, I think we all have this your defense mechanism when something's really uncomfortable as you hit like you pump the brakes with a punchline or you relieve the pressure because that's the only way to talk about something like that. And so I just was like, let me try this at Mike.

So I just took it to every open Mike in LA and we just go up and it started to work kind of naturally. And then from there listening to tapes and then breaking down It was interesting to do I've done it in like a 45 minute study did it for a while It's very cool. I'm gonna start taking it to colleges But I had to stop doing it for about six months. Why? Because it's not fun to talk about

The jokes are funny Yeah, there is a support group for the first people that heard that joke Worked out while shivering? I don't think it makes, obviously, that's sort of like the natural environment of the rape jokes. So that's like a perfect like New York or LA, just like all comedians that are telling rape jokes.

And you're like, here's actually a thing. And they're like, oh, maybe it got a lot of people to stop telling their shitty ones. Yeah, well, and that's, I mean, just even the way you open it, like you feel the crowd get uncomfortable, but then also certain things like body language. So a lot of the stuff I talk about on stages are super intense.

And it's real. And so I've learned that if I smile, when I'm saying things or if I have, and I have quick little one liners as far as it almost feels like the car breaks down, they're with you, and then they're like, this is fucking crazy. It's almost like the car breaks down, it's quick, oh, change a tire.

Okay, and now we're back on the road. And so you're kind of feeling, I have all, I have like six or seven little saving lines for that bit. Yeah. Because sometimes you never know, you'll go and people go with you the whole way and you don't need any of them and you're like, oh, this is fucking great.

But if they're just, but so then you have to, here's the problem. It's like a land mine. The problem with when you do bits like that, because I have a bit about my sister needing a kidney transplant and she's almost dying. And people love that bit, like people do that's a great bit,

especially people, comics are in the industry, because we're so used to hearing jokes, we're so used to hearing set a punch tag and funny stuff, that when you hear something that's fucking like what the fuck, it really sticks with people, comics and industry people. But sometimes the crowd, I like, when it doesn't work in front of a crowd, it's like fuck, you know, and it's,

it's a real thing reminding people of actual sad life. It's a really scary thing. And that's why I think it's hard. Well, she, waiting for a kidney. Well, it's funny because she got the kidney. I wrote the joke a while ago. She got the kidney and she was healthy and stuff like that. And then she needs a kidney again. So I

It sucks for her, but I get to be through the joke again. At least there is the death of a Sill her line. That's almost like having a bus joke and then the sun began the president's like, hey shit, I can do the joke together. Monica Lewinsky's kidneys back con bolotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Pero, yo me he hecho...

Ok, eso ha de sucedido antes de la comandía o no. No, no, antes de lo que ha pasado. Era antes de la comandía. Y ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer. Y... Y ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer, ayer comedy or Dura you didn't have no is before I ever started doing stand up it was before standup and You're at a you're at a friend's wedding. Yep, and it went down. Oh, yeah, and You said you were drinking and you blacked out and you you you blamed yourself and what were you wearing? I know I've only now women need She was wearing a picture

Back Mike can't Cannon has ever heard. He's a great job. So he's so delighted. He's so fun. He's like, how do you do that? Yeah, it's great. Memory is like such a foreign concept to me. Well, these little things, I have all these,

and it's so many tags that the thing that you heard that's up, I've since there's so many other teeny tiny jokes that have been tagged up. So I feel weird, like responding to that with something that I know is a bit. And I should have just done it, but I feel weird doing it, friend. You don't have to feel weird about it.

We get it. You're talking about it. All right, great. Would someone give me an intro? All right, I'll be back. I'll come back in one minute, really. Coming to this sincere story right now. You may have seen her on the bathroom floor.

At the rattlesicine she blames herself Wearing a peach dress for the first Who's it was actually a sorry it was a traditional Indian wedding? So I'm sorry which is it was a real sorry? That was it that was the problem I'm sorry joke Yeah, no, I was drinking when that's the thing people go'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, I was drinking.

Well, that's the thing. People go like, do you think they roofied you? Because everyone's always trying to find. Right. And I did, I blame myself, but then after people, I was, I can remember all these little jokes come up in conversation with friends where I was crying and then like, did somebody roof for you? And I started talking about it.

And I'm like, yeah, I think somebody roofied one of the 14 tequila's that I had. Right. So I did that. That was all Wendy. But everybody else was drinking. No one else got dicks in their but holes. I don't think. Because I think, you know, and-

That is traditional in here. Yeah. You're right. The smile thing does work, because I feel the comfortable. I mean, you're like, dicks in the body, you're like, I was comfortable. I smile. And I'm hyper aware of that kind of shit,

because of what I talk about on stage. Not just this, but everything. I mean, come off as I'm an aware of that kind of shit because of what I talk about on stage. Not just this, but everything. I mean, come off as I'm an aggressive looking person. Yeah. And so I have to try to be aware to soften your aggressive looking. I think it's one stage. I think I especially come off that way. Okay.

You saw me the other night, Lauren. I was real fine. I was crying. Literally died. I always feel like I'm about to fight somebody. She wears a suit of armor on stage usually. Yeah, there was a lacrosse team in the crown. She's like, get the fuck outta here.

Why? Oh, they were just using drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline.

Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. Drunk gasoline. What do you mind? I see you, is he a sugar baby? Does somebody, he'd be a great sugar baby. Just a little chubby Greek cake. I know.

Laps it, everything you say. You have to feed him. He just works on chocolate and gigs. He's got that beautiful little dandelion hair you can put. I know, his head. All the hair on his body looks like it's dying. Which is tough, it's hard to do because hair is itself not alive. You know how many computers just laughed at that joke?

I do real well with my demographic. You see what Mike did was the opposite, he hit that joke or fact, however you want to refer to it. And then he did stray face and that brought up, say, you mean a regular face. Right. If you would have smiled, we would have tricked him into thinking it was And that brought up, say, you mean regular face. Right. If you would smile, we would have tricked him in and thinking it was a joke.

Oh, I don't know about that. I'm not gonna do your thing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What explain to people what a sugar baby is? Well, I don't like to use the term for myself. What do you use? I am a rough looking 35-year-old woman. Are you 35? Yeah. You look good. Oh, say it again.

Look into my eyes. You look good. You look good. I'm not saying it's smile. You look good. I, uh, no, just having a sugar daddy had one when I was 19 and it happened kind of organically. It was somebody that I was dating.

Really? And he was older and I was working two part-time jobs and he used to do- What were you doing for jobs? I was working at the coffee shop in the Roosevelt Hotel, which is now some swanky club. And then I was- Love that place. Yeah, and I-

I love that hotel. I lived right on Hollywood and La Brea. Okay, yeah, I know it is. And then I cocked tail waitress at the rainbow, Barn Grill on Sunset Strip. Okay, yeah. And he wanted, he was like, oh, I wanna go out with you and I said, well, I don't have time. I know it is and then I cocktail waitress at the rainbow bar and grill on Sunset strip. Okay. Yeah and He wanted he was like I want to go out with you and I said why don't I have time?

I had to pick up another job to pay for rent and school and so I don't have time to see you and he's like well How much does other job pay you? I'll just cover that. I'll just give you that money. I'm a way gym Norton Yes Sounds very Norton There's only one guy who is a dirt bag offering to pay for women. Wow, this time, there's a lot more than that.

There's only one guy that actually admits it. So he said he'll pay you a few time. And I thought, okay. Really? It makes sense. That's fucking jeep, that's great. I saw him once a week. You wanted to hang out with him.

We were already dating for like five months. So it was already we liked each other. We were already we would go out whenever I could. Is that called a marriage? Thank you. Well, that's part of it. That's part of it too. As I found out a few months after he was paying for things

I found out he was already married. So if you can't, I don't think that's shock. Oh, good mod, like that's shocking to anybody. No, hold on. What's shocking is, he paid for your part-time job. Like he covered that, but you only had to hang out once a week. That's amazing. That's good for you, because you made out with all that free time.

Right, Jimmy. I thought, yeah, I thought you would at least have to like cover the shoot. Is it really a dream? No. Okay. Lauren, if I offered you, if I offered you 500 a week to be with me, once a week. You offered her nothing.

How much we know? Well, they get paid now. Oh, no. Sorry, just gave my nice fat check today that hurt. But also, you were already attracted to Bob. That's a happy time. It hurt. I look at that money, I'm like,

I can't fucking buy it. I can't. Thanks, Bob. Thanks, Bob. Yeah, you got it, no problem. You deserve it. You deserve it. The hardest work in team member. Would you do that? Would you really do that?

If a guy was gonna... But did you have sex with him? There's the key. Oh, yeah, I was already fucking him before. So you liked him. So this is not really a sugar daddy. It's just a nice boyfriend. And that's kind of what it is. And that's the thing. And that's when in New York, and this is where you heard about with Sovros, I had one again.

In New York. Oh, yeah. Okay. How old were you with that? Was it recently? Oh, yeah. I've only been in New York and this is where you heard about me, Stavros, I had one again. And it was in New York. Yeah, okay. How old were you with that? Was it recently? Oh, yeah, I've only been in New York for two years. So it was the last year, how do you, I mean, okay, so what happens with this one?

You're here. Right. Right. So it's one of the things where, again, I was working doing comedy and night and then temping, working a day job during the day. Okay. And just always tired and always run down And it's like, oh, can we go to dinner?

And I just always, I'm not down, drag out tired all the time. Right. And I said, I have to work and I was working at whole foods at the juice bar. And so he said, well, I'll just, how much are you making there? I'll just give you that much money and that way you can relax and focus on comedy stuff. That's awesome. And then I say, I'm like, once, I would see Mike on comedy stuff. That's awesome.

And then I say I'm like, would see Mike once a week? Once a week. And you go out and have dinner and mess around. Well, that's the thing. And I like fucking it, but I don't. And you guys write within with the schedule. And I like, I love fucking. That's one of my favorite things to do.

Is that your next album? I also like it. Yeah, it's good stuff. I don't, I answer. We're different. Not my wife, but no, I'm kidding. I also like it. Yeah, it's good stuff. I don't I answer We're different not my wife. No, I'm kidding. I love fucking my wife if she never fuck me again But anyways, go ahead. What are you laughing at? Something you're gonna do anyway, and I was on to you know, and I'm out Something she was gonna do anyway. She was gonna do I'm jerking off in the shower

Yeah, so you're fucking this guy anyways. You're gonna have sex. You love fucking. This guy says what? Right. Well, it's like if someone's gonna pay for it, then of course. And here's the trade though, because New York is so expensive. Most checks if you're gonna date somebody. You go out to dinner, if you go to a nice dinner, you're gonna ball a wine and you're gonna spend three,

three, four hundred bucks on a date. What the fuck? I hate to take a check, the coffee at the French Rose. Maybe fries on the side, but we're sharing those. You get a large, you get the small one. And you're blowing me in a vestibule somewhere. I'm not going in and spending the night. All right, go ahead.

But that's a normal fucking box. Yeah, we went to lunch a couple weeks ago. This guy's rich. She's very wealthy, yeah. Okay, let's throw that in. It's not, you're not dating another comic. It's not, you know, right? It's not a comedy club.

There's not some poor guy spending all his spot money on your pussy every week. I love fucking you. Here's my money from the stand. So it's like, this is a wealthy person. This is a wealthy person. This guy has money. He has a great job.

He can, this is nothing to him. Correct. He just likes being with you. Where did you meet this guy at a club? Well, no, I met him on a website. What is he? What's it called? I don't want my job, a dayjob.com.

Yeah. Is it really, what is the, What is the arrangements? I talk about all this shit on stage. I have no idea. It's a sugar daddy website. It's a sugar daddy website. A sugar daddy, there's a sugar daddy website. It's a sugar daddy website. A sugar daddy, there's a sugar daddy website.

There are like seven of them. Wait a minute. Are there guys, what's a guy called? What does a guy get? A sugar mama? Yeah. Is there a sugar? Oh, the sucker.

Is there a sugar mama website? That's rare. Rare. Rare? Yeah. There's a lot more old dudes with money that want to fuck young ladies That will accept the money then you if you wanted an older lady you'd be hard to be hard I tell you I I've come into older ladies now that I'm older I really oh sure

That's what I'm kind of into right now is an older I like a an older woman a little mature when I was 20 I had sex with a 45 year old when I was when was 20, I fucking had a 60 year old jerk me all. She had arthritis. She's just screaming her mess. She's just doing this. She's jerk me off with a thumb, the outside of her knuckles. She had the Bengue on, so was that tickling? What's up?

So this is crazy to me. So you went on a website. You went to find a guy. Mm-hmm. You go on, you find this guy's your photo. How do you pick him? How do you know he's right? How many guys do you go through?

Well, when I signed up for it, I was pretty hammered. And I was outside of the creek. And I did it as a joke. I was joking about it. And then I signed up for it as a joke, bigger quotes. And then I'm going to a little profile. I didn't seek people out. I didn't go in there and search, but you just get messages. So people find you and they message you. And a lot of people on there are full of shit or they're like, I'll meet you in an hour lay motel for

200 bucks the afternoon. And I'm like, no, thanks. Like that's, I know this and no disrespect. I, but for me, I'm like, well, no, because I have a job, like I had a day job. Yeah. But I thought I'll just... So that's a hooker. They're looking for a hooker. They're looking for somebody, somebody who's not as not doing it for a living, but somebody, a regular girl

who's looking for a sugar daddy to just meet me at a motel and fuck me for some money. Right. You weren't into that. You wanted to meet somebody that you might like. Well, yeah, and I thought because I know that they're out there. I know that they're out there. And so you just have to, you know, the guys who then you just kind of long game it. And so I got this guy and he's great. Just looking for the one. I haven't said, I, we went out. You say

long game. You so this is going to take a, this is going to take it. This is a process you're going through to find a guy who is maybe into hanging with you and talking to you and taking you out and not, you know, it's not like you're fucking him the first night. No. Right. And this guy, he has come out to shows like where I saw him your buds. He's paying twice. Yeah. He's come to shows. He's been in your club. You don't make him pay for the show. You get him free tickets. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. I, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him.

Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah, I get him. Yeah give him a free to get to the rich person. I'm fucking how rich like millions. Oh yeah, wow I you know, it's funny because I have a friend of mine a dear friend of mine who hooked up with a millionaire was fucking a millionaire and he was you know, he was just fucking and They got to the point in the relationship where she made an arrangement and she wound up having a baby and he paid for it. He pays for everything for her.

Just because he's, I'll, because, none of, he's just had like a hundred fucking million in the bank or whatever it is. So 200,000 of 500,000 is nothing. Oh, I know. It's just nothing to him. To pay here, here's $100,000 that just threw it in your bank,

is like me lending you 20 bucks. Right. So it's like, yeah, okay. I mean, yeah. So he has nothing to do with the baby? He just, no, nothing to do but pays for it. And, you know, they would bang once in a while and their friends and it is a little,

it's a little weird, but this, this that happened organically. This is more like I'm gonna go find a guy, but you're not going, you're gonna find a certain guy. Right, well, the thing with this too, because with doing with doing comedy, I'm not like what I think most of the guys on the site

are looking for is a chick show up like a Barbie doll and be kind of a do the sexy girl voice. Which I can kind of do but after a while. But this what's great. You have a sexy, do you have a thing that you do when you first meet them? No, I can't do it anymore, I can't do it anymore. Please can you try do it right now?

Let me just be the creepy. Come into the sexy girl voice, it's Wendy. Hey, how you doing, my name, I'm Gary, nice to meet you. Hey, I can't even do it, cause then I Try it. Well, no, if I, why would be in a different outfit? Okay, I have the outfit in my hand. Good. What's up? How you doing? Welcome. Welcome. Are you picturing me in a sorry? No, no, Jesus Christ. I am. Jesus. No, you're in a, you're in a black dress right now. your hair is done. It's actually grease back You told grease back. Hi, sorry. I'm late. I just got off the set of the new Robert Palmer video. Hurry up

I was trying to think it was near my I just said grease back so thank you for completing my thought my pleasure. My pleasure. You guys are hitting it all So it's so are you still seeing this guy? Yeah. Really? So is this, does he pay like a certain amount? Now when is it, now you, okay, here's a deal with me, okay? I wanna ask you this question. Yeah.

You get a TV show, your comedy explodes, you're making thousands and thousands of dollars, and you know, you become a millionaire. Are you still dating this guy? I would still date him, I'm absolutely. Oh, would you move on? Would you be like, yeah, I really don't need you anymore. So I'm just gonna go meet a regular dude and so you know blah blah blah Oh, would you go find a guy who is struggling in comedy and needs a little money and pay for him and fuck the shit out of him? No You become the sugar daddy

Would you dump him? No, I was still data because that's the other thing too is when you have, uh, and this is weird, but I think in the future, like going down the road, the fight like in the future, if that happens, say get the stuff and I'm successful. And now I have a lot of money and you have status and things like that. So now people are coming to and we all have friends who once you make it and show business or business or anything, now you have money. People are coming after you just like that. So now people are coming to, and we all have friends who once you make it and show business or business or anything, now you have money, people are coming after you just for that.

So then I would be concerned if I did date a normal guy like a cool artist, it's like, well, are you fucking me because you like me or because you want me to pay for shit? So if I'm already with someone who's got money, it's like, well, he's not trying to take my money. And he doesn't, if I- If you like this guy, I do a lot.

You like him a lot. So this is just your fucking, this is casual relationship. Yeah. And we sometimes either with a millionaire. Right. We go, what I went to a fancy, we went to an event, like we went to the Guggenheim, we went to some event at the Guggenheim, I went to some fancy dinner. And it's cool because I can hang out.

I don't, you know, we, I can have a conversation with his friends who are like older fancy people and I get to do fun things and he could be like Oh, this is when he she's a comic and if they Google me That shows up. It's not like another chick. He'd meet on the website. We're like she's an esthetician and the Google hornets Her with the dildo and she's more of a dominatrix, right? Just fine. There's nothing against that. I don't have nothing against that How do how do feminists feel about this? Like do they care about this? Oh, I, I first, I don't give a shit. But do they, I mean, do other,

feminists think? Do other women have a problem with this? No, and then when I talk about it on, and this is my, the joke that I will say on stage to alleviate it, and this usually puts it in perspective for everybody. Do you smile when you do it? Yeah.

I give a great smile. Thank you. But no, people, oh, you know, and that's a question. I get that when I first started doing it, because you know, like as a feminist, aren't you ashamed to be paid for sex? Can I repeat the line of second time to let it sink in with the audience? And then my response is, no, I'm not ashamed. I'm way more embarrassed about all the people I fucked for free. And people go, oh my god, and it's like, there you go. So I have no shame attached to it. So, but nobody's ever tried to.

They can't. What are you going to say to me? I mean, women can do whatever they want with their body. Yeah. That's what a feminist would say. But here's a, now would a, okay, women can do whatever they want with their body, but is it, is a man being, why is a man a misogynist if he just wants to fuck chicks? I mean, I mean, you know what I mean? I do understand the question that you're asking, Like, maybe there are definitely misogynists

that want to put chicks. But this guy's a good dude. She likes him. But is it guys get the same, do we get the same, like, you know, if you talk about this comic set of just banging girls and having a good time or whatever, is that just a pig?

Is he a pig? And if a girl does it, it's somehow empowering? I don't think so. I would say that it's a case by case distinction. Like you can't say all guys that do a thing are one way and all girls that do a thing are one way. Like there's certainly, there are pigs and there are people that are just like, you know,

open, fun, cool people who like fucking. It's your attitude about it, you're saying. Yes. So you're thinking if I'm just banging checks and having fun with it and I just love sex and the way you approach it and the way you verbalize it to other people is how they will accept it.

If you treat them as human beings, yeah, then you're a nice person. What do you mean, how human? Now, I'm kidding. Well, if none of it is done under like a shroud of lies, then I feel like it's perfectly fine. If you're not using them about your intentions intentions as a human fleshlight, then yeah. Exactly.

Well, I mean, look, you're... I mean, sometimes, I mean, look, I've had a lot of problems when I was single. I had a lot of problems with girls because I like to fuck. I liked fucking you, but at some point, it's gonna get to where aren't we gonna go further with this and it's like, no, and now I'm just a piece of shit. You're not if you are honest about it. Right. Either that you have an open arrangement where you can do that and you find somebody else who wants to do that, or when you stop wanting to fuck somebody, you tell them you want to stop fucking them and then

you stop. Do you think it's though the way we're taught to have relationships, like having a girl who's open, which I've had, where it's just, I had a girl that used to just want me to fuck her, she called me up, and like, come on down to fuck me. That sounds good. And I, did you do it? I did, but she was annoying, so I, there'd be rules.

Okay. So I'd be like, you can't talk. For the, like, I'm hungry, so you have to have food. And while I was like, you're sugar daddy. While I'm heating, yeah, kind have food. And while she was like your sugar daddy. While I'm hating, yeah, kind of. While I was eating she couldn't talk. I'd get to eat and watch TV in peace. And then I would fucking blast her.

I would just, all the shit she, and I would just fuck the shit out of her. And it was intense sex. And then she'd ask me to leave when I was done. She would go, I you can go. Yeah, you're like a hooker, that's what's great. She would pay for her, cap. But that was actually fun. But there's other girls that were, you can go. Yeah, you really look okay. That's what's great. She would pay for her cap. But that was actually fun.

But there's other girls that were, you know, it was fun at the beginning, but then all of a sudden it was like, you know, you know, we're going to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I was like, no, you're out of your fucking mind. I don't want this. And oh, you're a piece of shit. You're using me. No, I wasn't. I wasn't using you.

Well, that's you talked earlier about being polyamorous with my guy when we met. He was super upfront with me. The guy that I see now and he said, look, I just want to be honest with you. I was married twice for a really long period of time. And I'm going through a phase right now where I'm seeing, I'm seeing like three other women. And I was like, great. I'm fucking two other people depending on which borough I'm in and how I feel. And they're and we're friends and we all hang out. And so I was like, that's, but so on on Christmas Eve, I actually left

my last spot was at near comedy club. I went back to his apartment and he wanted all the girls to meet. And I'm like the main one, I guess. I don't even. Yeah. So it's great. So everyone's very open and we hung out. Thank you. It was the best. You're the penny lane. I showed up. There were all these girls dressed in like little sexy standout. Yeah. They all had, they don't fucked. And so I got there. He'd already come like three times. I was exhausted.

I got to walk in. These girls grabbed my bags and he, he and I just, and the one chick brought me and played a food. And we, I was like, it's amazing. I don't have to fuck anybody. I just get to hang out. He didn't talk while you're eating. Yeah. Yeah. Me and you were very alike. I didn't even know that. It didn't talk while you were reading, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Me and you were very alike.

I didn't even know that. It was great. So even the guy that he was... Are you worried about diseases? Or are you worried about all this crazy stuff with sex that, you know, warts and chlamydia and AIDS and all this stuff? Well, is he safe?

Is there like a thing? Like you can fuck other people, but you have to be safe and we're gonna be safe. Well, he and I use protection and then also that was my first thing because when he brought up the Poly thing to me because he wanted to he's like I want to try this and so he's also trying to learn the rules because I think a lot of people when they get into it They don't understand to be respectful of someone else's emotional space because even though it's like you're able to compartmentalize Emotion and love and sex and then also there's enough to share. For some people, some people can't do it,

but also you can, there's an individual, like I have lots of friends. I have five really close friends. Congrats. Right? I love them all equally for different reasons. They all serve different needs. So why can't you have a lover like that?

So it's the same setup. Will you talk to my wife? But no, we get, You wanted to fuck your wife? I's what a fucking orange. I like her to watch. That was one of the things when he said that I said, okay, great, that's fine. I'm fine with it. Then let's, can I, what, make sure you're getting tested. That's a big thing for me. Yeah. Right. You're getting tested. I think people that are into that culture, people that are that are usually the safer people

to be with us actually, because you wanna have a good time, and so it's more relaxing. Tons of, yeah, there's a lot more STI transmission like in so-called monogamous relationships because people cheat and lie and don't get to, and they're like, I don't know, and then, yeah, I mean, it really happens.

So. I don't know why there's a tree truck going on here for giant things. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, you're supposed to look like a fingernail on an Indian guy. What? I'm sorry, D-Po.

That's all right. You're married, right? I was. Oh, you got divorced. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, buddy. Oh, thank you, it was 10 years ago. Why did you get divorced?

Was it because of comedy or you just didn't like each other? We just grew apart. Like, we were like 24, 25 when we got together. So we were together a few years. That was the longest relationship I'd ever been in. She was the only person that I'd wanted to be with more than a year. Like after, you know, a year past.

So funny that your arms do move like a robot? Yeah. I appreciate it. I'm just, you know, it's my brand. So I'm just also landing planes as well. So, but yeah, we, I'll try to do it completely still. Is that, what the person? Okay.

I was kidding. Oh, joke, Scott, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, time. And I never felt like that. I'd always, you know, you have the initial new relationship energy. It lasts six months, it lasts a year, and then you're like, oh, I don't want to, like you said, you know, you're like, I don't want to be with this person anymore. So you stop, and this is the first person that I felt, oh, after a year, maybe this is it. Maybe one year means I want to keep being with her.

That means it's forever. And then a few years later, I was like, oh, that's not necessarily the case. You have to obviously work and build something and then, you know, sort of incompatibilities, arose and eventually we sort of like, you know, became platonic roommates and then stopped. Wow.

Well, that's good because most people don't, they stay in it because it's a habit and it's so hard to get out of it. It's so loud to leave, Bobby. You can, most people, I mean, I'm happy. I'm the happiest ever, but in my life, I love my wife and I never thought I'd be here. I always thought it'd be a piece of shit and well into my 50s and 60s, just to hunk a garbage.

But something happened to me emotionally where I was like, I think I want this. It's, I had actually a point where I was like, okay, I can let her go or I could go forward. Everybody was like, dude, let her go. Patrice, everybody was like, okay, I can let her go or I could go forward. Everybody was like, dude, let her go. Patrice, everybody was like, let her go. Just let her go find a nice guy because she's such a good person. And you do care about her. You should just let her go because you're kind of this guy. And one guy, Colin Quinn, was like, you should try. Go see therapist. Go try

to get your shit together because just try because in six months, if you're still an asshole and you haven't changed or you haven't fine, but if you don't try, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. I think it's great. And it was the best advice I ever got because if I ever let that girl go, I would have been fucked because she is the chick. You would have been fucked by a lot of hot young women. I really do miss that. Sorry Bob. The message is Patrice O'Neill doesn't know everything about women I guess. What do you mean my house is sick? You have to pimp your bitch over that man.

Maybe that works in the hood. I'm trying to take it in a different direction. That's good. A lot of people, a lot of people stay, you have a kid. Oh yeah. Once you have a kid, man, now you're there for, you got to stay there for the good, a lot of people stay for the kid. Years go by. But also it is, I think, if you're unhappy raising a kid, you got two unhappy people who hate each other, like that's worse for the kid than happy people, separate raising that

kid too. Well yeah, because you always thought that you stayed together for the kid. And it's not that way. If you, you can actually raise a kid better, separate, because you're both happy. Yeah, you're a good team. When the kids around you, he's getting love, he's getting a, but it's good energy, because kids can feel that fucked up shit.

And not to mention, when you get divorced later in life, like, my parents got a divorce when I was 20, so I had a very clear understanding of how they were reacting to it. And honestly, like my dad reacted like a complete piece of shit, and it made me like kind of open to his flaws as a human being, and that fucked up our relationship for probably 10, 12 years. Like we didn't speak often on like most, but just the simple fact that they kind of like,

I mean, they were unhappy for a while, but then they broke up in this time where I was completely conscious of what was happening. I would have rather had been done when I was like 10. Yeah. It would have been great. Yeah, because you could have, he would have been happy. He would have found something else to make him happy

and she would have had you, because me and my wife, well, we don't scream or yell around the kid, but when we're mad, you can heal the sense it. He'll feel like, stop. And we're like, okay, Max. And it's like, we're mad, you can heal the sense it. He'll be like, stop. And we're like, okay, Max. And it's like, we're like, all right, let's do a group hug. And I'm literally hugging my wife and I want a fucking strangle.

I'm literally going, you know the fuck up. I swear to God, I'm just fucking. So when he sees that, I don't remember what I'm fucking. She's like, fuck you, you cock, suck, I'll stab you with the knife. So this is this little motherfucker's other. But smiling, it makes it work. Smile. So, yeah, and you're married now, right?

Yeah, me. I got married in September. You got married now. Where did you, please tell me she's not a comic. She's not at all. No, we go headshot. No, no, no. She's a fashion designer and she owns a floral design company.

Ooh. Lots of Brooklyn. How long were you together before that? I mean, we've, we've honest to God dated on and off since we were 10 years old. We grew up next door to each other. But this time in particular, it's been nine years, February 3rd. That's good. I hate when, I like when comics date comics, it very rarely works out.

I couldn't imagine. If you're with somebody, there needs to be one drama mama in the relationship. And someone has to be just regular For somebody to work that's good. She's an extremely tolerant person and just like kind of puts up with all of my men Do you meet her at a show? No, no. I met her when I was a kid I met her on the black top of fifth grade recess She's wearing a Charlotte's horn a Charlotte horn. It's starter jacket really. Yeah, you know her all this time I've known her since I was a kid.

I'm the reason she played varsity basketball as a freshman in high school. Why? Because I broke her nose like 15 times playing hard in middle school. We played one in one. That's the least funny thing I've ever heard in my life. Why did you break her?

Because I'd play hard. It wasn't even a bus. God damn truth of abuse. Why did you break her fucking nose? Because I would guard her very hard? Dude, it's got to learn how to play against men if she wants to succeed against you know varsity women when you tell this story It's very important when you say I broke my wife's nose 15 times Like that you give this context

Did you really break her nose? Yeah, I mean, not 15, but definitely more than once. What? Did it feel good? It felt great. Did she cry? Yes, of course. I mean, this is also, you guys are really focused like on the part of the conversation.

I've never heard anybody say that. Why'd you make this 10-year-old cry? No, it was honestly, it was me, my friend Timmy, and my mic. Timmy hit her too? Yes. We all three of us played at best. We were in a wet free zone.

That's where she likes you. Exactly. We guys had it ending wedding around 20 years ago. Yeah. Yes. So you've known it for a long time and then where did you re, where did you, where did it connect? Actually, this might not make you happy,

but the night that we started dating was when the Giants beat the Patriots to make them 18 and 1 to win that Super Bowl single-handedly one of the greatest nights of my entire Relax is not a fucking great night. It's a shit night. It was amazing. It was the best fucking night ever because first of all First of all the best night ever was a couple weeks ago when the Patriots came back for the greatest comeback I would have beat the fucking fat because I fucking Five, five, five! We should have seven if it wasn't for your fucking shit team. Both games the Giants played against the Patriots.

Hang on one second, let's talk about football. What's happening? We were both very confused. I was gonna tap Mike and go Mike, do you wanna go sit with the hot people in the couch? I was a boy growing up, so I inputed a lot of information about sports. I understand how it all works. Football is a sport of passion. You may not be able to compute.

Listen here. I get that people care about things that aren't important. Nothing is important. We all have it. Yeah. I'm sorry. Nothing is important. We all have it. Yeah. I'm sorry. Just him using the word input makes me laugh. It was funny.

Thank you. I'm a comedian. So you're in love with this girl? Yes, she's great. Yeah. How long have you been married? Since September. So I mean, it's the exact same though.

It's nothing. And you have a kid already? We do not know. I thought I had a kid. No, actually I'm experiencing a little bit of a dick problem right now. What does that mean? Bobby you have a kid. I do have a kid. I do have a B. Sorry, you're dick problem. Yeah. No, I'm on the tail end of it. Like right now. I've had what's a dick problem? So I actually spoke to Dr. Steve about it on O.B. But I uh, wow, it's allsachio-sach. He was one of the head of your dick, actually, inverts into the shaft. It's about the head of my dick, what is it?

So I think I haven't drank for like 50 days, but before that, I was having sex with my wife and I was assuming I'm pretty drunk. And after we finished, I just pulled up my underwear without realizing it. And so a few minutes later, I peeled the underwear off the head of my dick. And it created a sensitive zone. And because of the cold weather and dry shit, it was like my dick kept hitting against my zipper

and my fucking like underwear. And so it got infected. And then I had to spray lamasil and wrap it with gauze for the last like two weeks. And what happens now? Right now I'm at the tail end, it's perfectly fine, but I'm just smelting it, good to smell. No, not at all. No, it just said it.

It would smell. It was just smell it. No, I can't smell it. I can't take the gauze right now. I can't prove it. I'm nearby, I don't smell it. No, he's got it wrapped up a lot faster. Yeah, no, it's perfectly fine.

It's just, and right now it looks it's the closest to new. It's looked in a long time. So I'm just I got I actually got a shiny helmet syndrome. Who what? That's a thing. Yeah, it is a thing. It's if you watch porn too, you'll see certain guys will have like a shiny helmet. It's like a red shiny helmet and it was, is this a sports thing again, Mike?

Yeah. No, it's, I was going to the gym a lot and like I go to the gym and then come and do a spot and then go home and shower. But I got like a fungus on my cock from not showering right away at the gym and it kind of just sitting and sweat and blah, blah, blah. And it takes away the thumbprint on your call, Calmit. You know, you dick. If you took your dick and put it in ink and put it

on a piece of paper, there's actually a thumbprint. Everyone got a different one. Yeah, everybody's gonna get into your iPhone now. You have to use the tip of your dick to punch in the code every time. What a pain. Oh, that was bad. That was a... I thought... Yeah, big, definitely. Oh, that was bad. That was a, I thought, yeah, big, definitely. But I was actually at high hopes for it, cause I knew there was something there, but you didn't find it. Yeah, I had to do the same type of thing,

put like a fungus cream on my cock. It's the worst. Wrap it. Yeah, it's terrible. When somehow it was really a dick, it's fucked. Cause you have to take care of your dick. And I mean, it's a, it's fucked. Yeah. Cause you have to take care of your dick. And I mean, it's a good old friend.

I feel insecure. Like I haven't like handled my business in the bedroom in like two weeks. And as she knows, she knows. Of course she knows. Does she help you, did not, is she okay with it? I mean, she's okay with it. She's asked to see it and I'm like,

get the fuck out of the bathroom. That's good for you. Yeah, there's no problem. Because you don't want to desensitize it to them. Some people would have, my wife is, you know, want to desensitize you to know some people would have you yeah, I've my my wife is You know, I remember I had a God. I shouldn't even talk about this My wife's in a what I was gonna say want me to ask a question so you don't have to talk about it No, I had a I had a zit on my nut

Exactly, I don't know how it happened, but I got a zit on my nut. And it bothered me. I mean, it would have went away after that, but I just kept trying to pop it. And it got kind of affected. My wife's in a statistician. I mean, she pops it for a living. I mean, so it's like, hey, can you look at this? Worst thing I could have had done. You should have said, can you get one of your friends to look at this?

I would have been the best thing ever. But you remember when she looked at it, she went, oh, baby. Oh, no. I'm never gonna get on your name. And so not a lot of sex since then, is that? No, we had a kid, you know, fuck after a kid. But yeah, the same thing, like if she had a yeast infection, I wouldn't wanna see her strep throat pussy. Like I wouldn't wanna see inside of her. That would ruin my image of her for the rest of my life.

I know, my point is I fucked up. I should have just handled my business like you. Right. And say, get the fuck back, but I was at a weak moment where I thought she might be able to get a Lancet and fuck it out with this fucker. And get it off my nut, it just bothered me. And any type of shame or kind of embarrassment

that I feel she blames on my Irish culture, because she's like, she's hardcore Italian. So anything that I feel weird about with like, you know, dick or sex stuff in any way, like the fact that I won't show her my sensitive dick, she's like, you fucking Irish, like it's just, you're just Irish. She taught, is that her voice?

Yeah, she's got her super deep voice. Well, man. Well, I mean, the congratulations on being married. Do you love it? Yeah, it's great. Isn't it the best? It is. I mean, I don't know.

I guess I've always been looking for, I'm better under structure. And it's not as if it's not like she's providing a fucking itinerary for me to accomplish. But the simple fact that I have a little bit of a home base and that kind of foundation is certainly beneficial. And she makes money, right? Yes, she does, all right. Does she, now do you pay half and half?

Yeah, really. Yeah, yeah. That's good. Yeah. Right? I mean, there were times. When I went, when I went first full time into comedy I was doing, I was doing really well,

and then a bunch of TV stuff, like kind of dried up overnight. It was actually a pretty horrific. You were an overnight failure. I was an overnight failure, exactly. I was looking up all this stuff and I was on a nice little trajectory that nobody was aware of. And then of course it just shut the fuck down. Right. And all the money stopped coming in. So there was like two workless years where I had no idea what I was doing. I had enough money to live, but I was in my house just smoking pot with my cats all day, like freaking out mentally. So it's at this point, you know,

I'm kind of re-emerging on the other side, at least feeling productive. Well, it's come to think of it, when I first met my wife back in the day, she worked as a statistician and a waitress, and she lived with her folks. She was making a lot of cash, and I remember I had nothing.

I worked the minimal amount to pay my $125 rent at a shithole and pay my car insurance and my car bill and my motorcycle. And I would just go to gigs, that's all I wanna do. And she'd be like, I didn't have money to go to dinner. I didn't have money to go anywhere. I had enough money to buy a little food to eat. And I remember when we first met,

she was actually like my sugar daddy. Because she'd be like, you wanna go to dinner? I was like, I can't afford it. She would just take me. She's like, I got it. She'd buy me food. She would come to the house with groceries. She'd take me for dinner.

Any movie was on her. Cause I didn't have it. She'd be like, what are you gonna get paid for that gig? Nothing, I'll give you that. Yeah, I'll pay it and I'll do that gig. Yeah. I mean, she was with me in a shit. When we slept, I used to have paper bags around my bed

so I could hear the mice. Before they came and got me, and I had a cat, bonus. You're like, I am legend. Mice traps around your bed. You are good You're like, I am legend. My straps around your bed. You are good with manual stuff. That's great. Well, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, But it's totally switched now.

I mean, you know, now she's just home with the kid and takes my money right out of my fucking hand. I mean, huh? Don's a shit. She is, she is great. I did, I did get a great, she actually told me that I did. I was like, can I go to massage balls? She goes, God. Like I go to massage power she goes God

Like I broke her like she finally was like oh, yeah, cuz I'm not she went. Yeah, I'm not touching you dick God you're not leaving her for a masseuse, you know, so no, what's the problem? Wow, you never know Not big as diggers That does sound like it would be kind of like a relief off of your Marriage though right cuz you have sex when you want to have sex now. It's not a makeup. I love getting a hand job I'm feeling it. That does sound like it would be kind of like a relief off of your marriage though, right? Cause you have sex when you wanna have sex. Now it's not a maintenance. Look, I love getting a hand job.

I love the massage. I love, I really did, man. I think it's a great, to go to a massage place, get a really good back rub, get a table shower and they scrub you down and wash you with soap and then they take you in a rub and give you a great back rub and then roll you over and give you a hand job with hot oil.

That's nice. And then they clean it up and then they finish you. You're not holding a cup full of your cum, yeah. Yeah, like fucking, you had me, though. I love it. I thought it was the greatest release ever. I've never walked out of there and felt shitty about myself or fucked up or manipulated somebody.

But if you talk to like, you know, Ashden Kusser, it's sex trafficking. It's, you know, these women are there against their will. I mean, I mean, it doesn't seem that way. It's not like, they're scared. Okay, come on in. Should be quiet. Is that what he said that about massage parlors?

Well, I mean, they can, look, once it's under the bubble. Right, right, right. Yeah, it's Well, I mean, they can look, once it's under the bubble, I'm like, right, right. Yeah, it's on, I mean, like there's some places that are exploitative stuff and there is people, there are people that are doing it because they want to. So, I don't know, I don't, yeah, I don't think you could,

I mean, these, you know, an Asian woman seems pretty tough and pretty ballsy and it's not like there's some guy they're collecting them. It's pretty all women. And they seem like they know what they run in the joint. I don't know. Maybe it is. I mean, I don't go anymore anyways. Maybe that's just my idea.

I was gonna believe that. I, you know, when you got the green light. She two days ago, I was in, when I was in Oklahoma, I go, I gotta get a back grab. I'm gonna go get your hand job too. She goes, go ahead. I was like, wow, what the fuck? Like you done, huh? And you didn't go straight to get some farmhand chick

to just rip your turn up out of the ground. That sounds fantastic. All right, I'll take it. There you go. I wouldn't let you go with the farmhand, but then you added turn up to, and like that was just like the word turn up. We got it.

I was in Oklahoma. Ha, ha, ha, ha. It's a very dry land over there, by the way. It's not farm country. I'm gonna do a little read right now. Check this out. Blue apron is the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country.

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get the app, right? Yeah, the program. He overcats, you know what, do the app on the iOS store and Google Play Store, get the app and go premium to enjoy exclusive content. And if you're a fan, please email me directly at ykwdproduceratryekest.com and we'll schedule to come in and sit on the couch in a much better episode. This week, this week was a pretty fucking weird. I mean, I'm so sick of the politics. It was fun for a minute. It was great. And it was like, wow, this crazy. What was I seeing Milo get taken down a notch? Well, I tell you what, I don't hate Milo. I know everybody hates Milo. I don't, I think, yes, of course, this is the problem with a lot of these people.

There's things about them that you're like, oh, I agree with that. And then this thing's about me like, this is the problem with a lot of these people. There's things about them that you're like, oh, I agree with that. And then this thing's about me. Like, this guy is a fucking moron. And the way he does it, I agree with free speech. I agree with somebody going to colleges, fighting for free speech. I agree with somebody going to these fucking colleges

and saying, stop it, stopping so fucking sensitive. But the things that he is using as free speech for I agree with somebody going to these fucking colleges and saying, stop it. Stop being so fucking sensitive. But the things that he is using as free speech for are to say that, you know, you should be able to have sex with minors. And that's a problem. Well, he made a, okay, he made a, you have the clip, right? What was the joke? Okay. Let's hear the joke first before we judge. Because this is what everybody's doing is everybody's hearing second-hand information and saying, that's wrong without actually going and saying, let me make it, let me evaluate this myself. There's so much fake news out there right now.

There's so much, and I said, I don't mean fake news like Donald Trump is saying, he's saying, when he says fake news, you just don't like me. It's shitty news. When I say fake news, there was a guy in Tucker Carlson, I watched this video where he, he was, he was a guy, he has a company that hires protest as professional protesters. Everybody heard that this exists.

Professional protesters from the DNC, they hired him to go to the Trump rallies and fuck with Trump supporters and Trump rallies And he was on Tucker Carlson, but Tucker Carlson who people have problem with too, right? Because he's right Actually vetted him did a police level search of his background and found out the guy was full of shit and on his show said you're lying, your name is not this, your company doesn't exist. It's a fraud. Your Facebook page was put up last week. Everything about you is

horse shit. And what do you have to say about that? And you saw the guy slowly tumble out of control on the show. And at the end, he was like, yeah, I just want to give you credit for being the only news source to actually find out if I was bullshit, because all the other ones put them on, wrote a bottom in the paper as it was fact. Now you put that out there to a bunch of Trump supporters and they're like, they fucking hire people

to come to our fucking rallies and you're creating this fun. And that's happened a lot. Fake news is a big business. They make $8,000 to $20,000 a day with a fake article. They hire real journalists to write amazing articles about fake shit that's never happened to Hillary Clinton, or whatever, and people read that, and they go to the page,

oh, I have to read this. Hillary Clinton fucked an alien, and you know murdered somebody and you're like Oh, I gotta see that and you click they make money with that one click thousands of dollars are being made and you read this article And you're like oh my god. She's fucking she murdered somebody and nobody's talking about it. It's fake. It doesn't exist But at what point also does like personal accountability come into play where people that are clicking on this shit Also should probably be cross referencing the information and Nothing to work for any like I guess though, but welcome to information gathering I know but it's like dude read read all I'm not a journalist motherfucker

I'm just a fatty who doesn't really no big words You don't even mean I love stand-up comedy. I love my family. I love my friends. I love Boston balls Yeah, and now I have to become some oh my mint just fell That's never gonna never coming home. I actually just read in the paper that your mint did not fall I just think it's a fucking taxing time. Yeah, you know, it's like we just had eight years of just quiet peaceful time. Yeah, you know, it's like we just had eight years of just quiet, peaceful, you know, and now it's a it's a nightmare. Well, some of us did while the rest of the the country felt neglected and as if they had no voice and, you know, from playing and kind of. Did you? No, but from playing in some of the crappier places, who felt that the

neglect didn't had no voice in the last eight years? We've got lots of voice here. But who who who's felt that way? I would assume people in the working class middle of the country who banked their future on a job that is no longer applicable in this society. I know, but if you are a coal miner in 2017 and that's what you bet your fucking future on, then sorry, you deserve to be poor because you know, you saw the computer as a passing trend. Is that really coal is still a number one. We sell all our call. It's huge business. We don't use it, but other countries do. Yeah, but then why aren't they making money? Why is there a point? They're not making money because a lot of the, look, I don't know. I have a very confident voice, but I have no information. So I'm pretty sure that I'm

right. And it's my show. I was trying to give him fake news. I just, I just, I feel, I really tuckered you right there. I'm not why. I just, I untuckered myself. Bobby's all tuckered out. I just think that I, I don't know. I don't, I don't know the answer to it. And I don't feel like doing the research. Right.

I feel like just, I, living my fucking life, but now you can't, because everybody's, you know, here, let's listen to the clip. That's a fucking crazy. Put me in the loop, I swear I'm on the payroll here. All right. Well, let's start with you, Milo. Why did you single out a transgender student for ridicule during a recent speech you made on her campus?

Did you do that? Well, yes. First of all, wasn't a student. He had already left the university. And I make no apologies for protecting women and children from men who are confused about their sexual identity. I'm confused about who this is because pronouns are so important if you call Katelyn Jenner here or a bit person. Yeah, I did it on purpose. You did. So this is a man who is a misgendered person.

Right. So this is a man, born man, who wants to be a man who is a misgendered person. Right. So this is a man, born man who wants to. Thanks for queuing it up, Deepu. But that's also like, this is what the audience should be doing because people are like, why does he have this platform? This bombing is like enough of a platform and enough of like a consequence. He's not born because this is Bill's audience, by the way, and Bill agrees with him. If you listen to a bill

said he agrees with them. The pronouns. But I get I shouldn't get in trouble if I don't want to call you a she or she but I'm like who gives a fuck if you want to be called the she I don't give a shit. If that's what you want. All right, what's up she? But if I

fuck up, don't be a conch about it. That's fair. If I fuck up. Can I can I say, oh yes. Miss, let me finish. Please, let me finish. It's the battle of the index. Then I will answer. Yeah.

I don't wanna be fucking, I don't wanna be labeled a piece of shit. If it takes me a minute to say, she, if I say, hey dude, oh, I mean, sorry, miss. But if you do it antagonistically, you won't be a piece of shit. But something though, but something, you're very different than this guy. He's just there, he's like, I mean, sorry, miss. But if you do it antagonistically, you want a piece of shit. But something, no, but something, you're very different than this guy. He just there, he's like, I'm doing it on purpose.

I'm being an asshole. Well, this is why he says his job is to trigger people. He wants to trigger you because he wants you to see how ridiculous it is to get mad over somebody saying something. Okay. He's so self-important. Boat. But, but it, but it is true though, but you say something, you go to a college and you

say a joke, if one person doesn't like it because they get offended, you, you will never be asked back. They could shut your showdown. You'll get in trouble. I got in trouble at a college once because I said one thing and one girl didn't like it. Everybody else was fine with it. All the kids that paid to Cavney,

that got me to the college, one girl showed up, didn't know I was, didn't like what I said, got me, and I'll never go back there. Right, and that's an unfair thing. But if you purposefully looked at somebody in the front row and called them, you know, a facet or whatever, then of course you shouldn't be asked to come back and

that's like a justifiable response. But if you accidentally, I completely understand. But, again, he's not a... What he's doing is to say, relax. Right. It's not that big of a deal. I'm doing it on purpose. Why would you get mad if you know that I'm just an idiot? He says, I'm fucking idiot. Why would you hire a fucking idiot? They don't

have to hire an idiot. Exactly. So I'm saying they shouldn't hire him because he's an idiot. I also or an asshole. He's going to speak at these colleges. He's extremely high flutin. He does not say, what you saying? He does not think he's like, I'm I'm I'm I know high fly would you ever know? I was kidding, I'm not, I'm not saying that he is the fucking, the Jesus Christ at all. I've, I've, I've, I've studied him for the last couple of months watching a lot of stuff he says. And I think when he gets into a position of importance like a Bill Marshall or a real

new show, I think he kind of crumbles. I think he gets a little, that he kind of reveals himself. But when he's at these places, and he's, you know, he's saying what he says, I don't agree with all of it at all, but freedom of speech, I think it is,

I am glad that at least there's somebody out there screaming, you know, the fact that they lit the call John fire and they beat people up because he was there is ridiculous. at least there's somebody out there screaming. You know, the fact that they lit the college on fire and they beat people up because he was there is ridiculous. Because now most of those people that were there were left, there were liberals protesting. And then a group came in, right?

They came in and attached themselves to these liberal students who were just protesting and had masks and poles and mace and they fucking did what they did. Now, people on the right are going, look at what the liberals are doing. The liberals didn't do shit. All the most of the girls there had signs and were just saying, fuck Milo.

These, this group, just like, I don't think this guy's a KKK. I don't think he's an anti-Semite. I don't think he's a Jewish guy that fucks black guys. He sucks black dick. He dated a black Muslim and he is Jewish. He is Jewish. He's not a Nazi, but Nazis attach themselves to him

because they can come and they even have a video of a guy going, yeah, I'm here because I can recruit because I have the right wing kid students and I can pick off a couple. And do you think that he has no responsibility for like that? He knows that that's what happens. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Just like the left has responsibility when a bunch of hooded motherfuckers with pipes light a school on fire and beat people up for wanting to hear somebody. I'm not not do anything anything, not believing them, not just hear them. And you get knocked the fuck out and beat up physically. People could have died. I'm not on board with that either.

It's not you violence fuck and I know some people like well violence is the only fuck you. Violence is not the way. Protesting. Every day, all the stuff they're doing, I love it. I think it's great. What, fucking yeah. But when you start hurting other people, you're done with me.

Can I say a male? No, but I want to. Go ahead. Like if somebody says to you, Bobby, like I'm a woman, you know, I was assigned male gender at birth, but I am a woman, please refer to me as a woman, then you will, you're not gonna be like,

fuck you, I'm not gonna do that. You'll be your best friend. Well my friend is Bailey J. She's a woman, please refer to me as a woman, then you will, you're not gonna be like, fuck you, I'm not gonna do that. You'll do your best. My friend is Bailey J, she's a woman. And her husband is not, her husband is a husband. I don't go dude, you're a fag. I don't even know what he could cause himself, but I've never even assumed that he's gay. Right.

It's just he's married to Bailey and they're happy. I don't give a shit and she has an awesome cock. And because you're a nice person. You're, you are a nice person. And what is that? Where did I get that? I mean, where did I get it? I don't know.

From my family. Sure. It's called values. Okay. It's called having values. That's great. And it's called raising kids in the right way. That's what we should be focusing on.

The next generation of children who are seeing this fucking shit on TV, seeing people hate other people, whether it's the left or the right, for whatever the fuck, hate is not good, violence is not good, name calling and screaming and yelling is not good, peaceful fucking protest, and love and happiness, and trying to understand each other

is the only way of the fuck out of it, not to sound too fucking, you know, Harvey Krishner and you know, Gandhi on you, but I don't like it. That's why I think it should be. That's why I think it should be. Showcase because it does give you a perfect tangible example of what morally bankrupt people look like.

Right. So it's something that you could actually raise your kid on of what not to be, how not to approach people that are completely different from you because he looks down at his nose that you know, it all trans people. And it's, it's a big thing. Well, he looks down to fat people.

Yeah, I mean, he thinks fat people are fucking's a piece of me. It looks down to fat people. Yeah, I mean, I think fat people are fucking awful. And I get, I'm a fat person, so I'm like, but I don't, here's the thing, it doesn't bother me because I don't give a shit what he says. But I don't know why, well, there are bothers you.

It doesn't bother, there are people who have been like beaten up and attacked and had had verbal and physical abuse thrown at them bandied about with anti-trans, anti-gay language. And I'm not saying that every person who's upset at a thing that a comedian says is triggered, triggering and trauma, trauma's a real thing. There are people who have PTSD,

there are people who have experienced things like that. And he is saying things that are potentially like dammit. I'm not saying that's, I think that free speech is good. And the free speech should not damage you. But there are people. A speech should not damage you. Okay. It should not.

But it's not doing that. I just wanted just because he's, he's, he made the comment that he's trying to trigger people. Yeah. And I get when I was talking about, did you say that? I think I did. Well, he's, I don't know what you have fake news. Print it, print it, write that down, Lauren. They're small words, but write them down.

It was right after the mint didn't fall out. I can't spell any of those. But this was even when I was working out all the rape stuff, I'm nice swear to God, I would have people get up and walk out of the room and I had girls yell at me. Because I would talk in bed and they're like, I was raped, are you use the word embarrassed and that's not a strong one.

I would have people scream at me. Exactly. Okay, and so then I'm like, okay, so I would say victim, and they're like, we don't like victim, we like survivor. So I'm like, okay, so what I did, to an extent, but it's like, but then you have to, at that point, then I have to make a decision like, okay,

do I wanna keep talking about this? And then do I, I've got these words that I need to make the jokes work and to make this effective, but then also I wanna be respectful to people in the room. And but there's an interesting thing as far as triggering people, because you don't want to try to be a kind to people, but you also don't want to completely compromise everything. Yeah, don't you want to be more respectful to your own vision before you kind

of adhere to what other people want you to sound like? You're also a nice person. It's like, were you in that episode, the poker scene on Louis? No. You should have been. But in that, you've seen it. That was what we're great seeing.

And I feel like the whole point of that is what we're talking about. Where Louis is asking a gay person, do you mind if I use this gay slur in my, and the guy, Rick Crombs, I don't mind because I know you and I know your heart and I know you don't mean it hatefully, but there will be potentially people in the audience

that don't necessarily know that, don't know where you're coming from, might have had experiences where they have been, you know, like hurt by that word in ways and also hurt by people using that word physically and that can be damaging and fearful and scary. And that's just, he's like, I just think that you should know that. Like, so know that you're allowed to say whatever you want

and it might have these unintended effects on people. I think you're right. I think you should be able to choose though. And if you do choose that, I don't think your fucking life should be taking away. No. I don't think you should, I don't think people should say we don't like this.

Therefore, people shouldn't say it ever again. If you want to say it, go ahead I don't think I don't think that people should use you can protest you can say this and that But if somebody wants to show up and see me do a bunch of dick jokes and a bunch of fucking stupid shit Go ahead, but you can't you shouldn't be able to say no, that is not allowed at this place. But you also own your own company. If somebody else was working for a bigger via. But why is it okay for Lisa Lippin' Alies saw call somebody a faggot in the front row

and it's not okay for a Tracy Morgan. She's a gay man. Haha. Haha. Jesus Christ. But no, seriously, I'm not asking because I think I love Lisa Lippin' Alies. I think, you know, I do. When I first saw her, I'm not asking because I think I love Lisa Nampinelli. I think, you know, I do.

When I first saw her, I was like, what the fuck? But then I was like, I get, I think I understand what she's doing. Okay. Well, but I think the Tracy Morgan thing did that. And again, this could be real fake news that I heard down the pipeline. But when Lisa Nampinelli, if she's on stage

and she calls someone a faggot, she doesn't follow it up with, I'm gonna murder you. Like she goes, hey, faggot, if you were my son, I would murder you. Like, she's, go, hey, bag it, if you were my son, I would murder you. Right. I think that was the, but okay, is, but if, but is Tracy really gonna murder his son? No. Do you think Tracy? I don't believe they will.

Okay. I think the answer is Lisa is funny, or then Tracy. Well, at least in that moment, well, but how do you get to funny? How do you, you know, what I mean? Where? How do you know? Like, I said stuff that if somebody recorded and took out a context and threw it up, like before a show was about to air on the TV, I'd be fucked. But it's like that's not fair. Well and Tracy wasn't doing fucking Jim Gaffigan's act before he got to that line. Right.

And we all know what he does. We all know like I, when I heard Tracy Murray said that I was like, I can see but I would upset people. But if you're going to say like, what's the difference? That's the difference, I think is like, contextually the rest of the sentence. And I don't think you, I don't think anyone thinks it's like. But here's the thing is like, we're going to, it's going to be a point we're going to have to do a certain, a certain style of comedy inside of these parameters.

And that's it. Because if you go out of there, someone, a group or something will fucking come after you. I mean, that group doesn't have to see you. There's always gonna be a niche more than people. Yeah, but that doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, it does because you have this. Hang on a second, cut that one. Hang on, it does not.

Because anybody at any time could take a fucking video of me, anywhere, and throw it on their feed, and millions of people that I never wanted to come see me, that aren't fans of me, that don't know what I do They don't know where I came from they don't know the context of the joke What went how we came to that point in the show? Let's go this guy's a piece of shit. He's a fuck whatever then they'll continue not seeing but that but once Once it's out there. Mm-hmm. It's out there. That's what I am. I mean that's on the internet

You can't just say hey guys we man a mistake mistake we went and did the research and we he's not uh... and they take it all back it's always fucking there cannot can i tell you bobby uh... i mean number one crazy morgan seems like he's doing fine i mean we know that it could be a fucking truck but not that i'm not but the point of the uh... that's forget about the whole joke thing, Tracy, you've suffered enough. That's all you gotta do.

If you ever get boy-cotted, then you just go get into a horrible accident and you'll be fine. But sincerely, I really think that you are an honest, kind, open person, maybe, of course, as your job, as a comedian, as your art, as your passion, you say things that could be taken out of context and viewed as, quote unquote, horrible or offensive by somebody, but that's not what's happening. People aren't doing that. I mean, you are, like the more famous you get, like Tracy was on an NBC show. People knew it, so there's tons of people going to see him

who don't know what they're like, oh, I love Tracy Jordan on that show that he's on. And they're like, what a horrible thing. And so it's like this weird, yeah, no, Tracy Jordan was his name on 30 Rocks. Oh, sorry. And so people go to thinking, the guy I'm so happy I got the correct answer.

And this computer got me. That was such a busted energy. I thought you'd be licking your lips over there. But the point is, obviously, the more famous you get than the more people who might not like you. But the point is, by that point, he is that famous. He is that successful. So if you get to that point, you'll either be that much

and you won't have to give a shit about it. But also, you will, most of your fans are people who understand that you're a truth-theller, that you are yourself. You're speaking like from the heart, you're trying to learn, you're being this person. Like, and I think the thing you were just saying, like, what if this happens? Like, I don't think that's a fear, like you're living in, I don't know if you're living in that fear a lot. I just don't, I just don't, well look, I don't play college, what comics don't do colleges anymore because they, they, it's to offended. You used to be able to just go to a college and if someone didn't like it,

whoever it was, girls, guys, we'd just get up and leave or wouldn't go. Now you can't even go to a fucking college because they look, we don't want anybody to be fucked up at all. That's not what college should be about. People should be able to decide, I wanna go see this comic, I saw him, he's a little edgy, or something. You should understand that it's an art form. We're trying to make you laugh through fucking tragic shit or fucking race or whatever.

And we should be heard. And we shouldn't have somebody going, well, I think it's offensive and so nobody gets it. That's not fair. And that's what's happening. I still do perform it. College is fairly frequently. I still do perform at colleges fairly frequently. I mean, I'm not like, yeah. Because you're, you, you, you, I appreciate. No, but you're very, you're clean. You're, you're very funny. I appreciate it.

You're very funny and you're not really that offensive. I mean, I actually did do a college like an orientation show this year and I asked, is there anything that you don't want us to talk about anything, any language or restrictions? And they said, can you stay away from religious or political stuff? And I was like, I mean, I don't really generally, but I do have some stuff about religion, but it's about how, and you know, just be kind to people. Like that was my main gist was like,

and I mentioned Jesus, he's a guy who like, he likes being kind to people. And afterwards, that's like the main point of some of my jokes. And they afterwards told me that there was a problem and I was like, what, and that was weird to me. What was the problem? That I was talking about religion and they'd asked me that there was a problem and I was like, what, and that was weird to me. What was the problem? That I was talking about religion

and they'd asked me not to. And I'm like, put that, that surely, that couldn't have been, I didn't know that that's what they meant. That's exactly what I'm talking about. But I don't care about going back to that college. Yeah, but you should not be able to not go back there because I bet it was one person or two people

out of whatever, how many hundreds of people that were enjoying everything you said and you brought up that one thing and it didn't even affect them because one person heard a relit, well that fuck you, deal with it, grow the fuck up. It's a fucking joke. Suck it up, you fucking asshole. You're in your 20s. You're not a fucking 10 year old. Grow the fuck up. deal with your emotions,

and know that it's not fact. Funny is not fact. It's not real. He's not there. You're not giving a speech. You're fucking there to make people laugh, and you made most of them laugh, except a little, a couple, a one person.

And fuck you. It felt like you were yelling at me the whole time. Sorry, buddy. Is that why you got hard? Oh yeah, I really appreciate the unblinking eye contact. Can I say just one more thing about it? It's like, I heard that like Lewis Black went and did like a NACA showcase once, you know,

like to get booked at a ton of colleges. And the thing that he did and he came out and he said like, fuck, like fuck you, fuck this. He's like, this is what I'm gonna do when I come to your school. So if you book me, just know who I am. And so like, that's I think what matters for like, whenever anybody does a comedy show, people who come out to see you.

Doesn't matter. I did the same thing. I did an upper whatever. And I told my agent I go, I'm not being clean and I'm not changing anything. I'm gonna go and just do my act. Whoever books me, books me, because that's the college that wants me.

I got 49 out of 50 colleges, but still when I got there, they were like, can you, they just were like, can you not? And I was like, I put it in my contract. You have no right to tell me what to say or do in my act. It's all up to me. And I would have a copy of my contract with me. And I go, did you sign this?

Then you read that, right? I know, but I was like, are you mother fuckers? So what do you think that is, though? Everybody seems, and people seems like, people don't want to get their feeling hurt. Well, and I think everybody also, they're afraid of getting something taken away from them. So their job, they're booking you,

they're afraid that that one person is gonna make a noise so that their job gets taken away. So is that what we are doing? Nobody wants to get in trouble. Right. Nobody wants to get in trouble. One of my favorite bits of viewers from years ago was about how you got your feelings hurt and then you you're

just like that was like a brand new beautiful thing that you're like I can tell people that they hurt my feelings. Yeah. Yeah. Well that's my tharabas. I get angry. I go fuck around. He was like you just tell people you hurt your feelings and I'm like, well no, I'm not a fat whenever you go. Whenever you go to a college from now on, if they tell you, can you please not say things, we're like, no, that would hurt my feelings. Yeah, I guarantee it would work in the reverse, because it did work on my wife,

because I did go, you know what, you hurt my feelings. I was gonna get angry and punch a fridge and I want you hurt me. And she was like, I'm sorry, I don't like, I didn't mean to hurt you. That's a great lesson. It real. And she was, you know, I was like, well,

you make me feel sad. And she was like, I don't want to make you feel sad's a great lesson. It real and she was you know, I was like well you make me feel sad And she was like I don't make I don't want to make you feel sad baby. I messed up on Paul. I said go well it reminds me when I was a kid and she's like alright, I get it She's not hired at the college anyway Play this clip. We're gonna wrap up the show real quick. We have no show coming up We're affording here till Larry Wilmore retorting to my. But did you, but where's the pedophilia part? Oh, you want to go back to that? I just want, I just want to hear the pedophilia line.

Okay. What made him a pedophile supporter? I'm so close to climaxing. Just get to the good part. I'm saying someone say that's you're making fun of pedophilia. That's, that's, you know what I mean? You, you think pedophilia is funny? Are you sure you're talking?

No, I'm saying I'm not. I don't think it's funny. I think it's a route. But you No, I'm saying I'm not. I don't think it's funny, I think it's a rouse. But you meant, it's a turn on. I don't think it's funny, I think it's sexy as shit. It would say, but that's what he did, I think. And people are taking it out of context. Cause he is, he's not a stand up, but he is a comic. He, he can sit as, he really does.

He can sit as himself a comedian. Well, now we gotta check. Cause see, if he smiles when he says it or not That's the king Who wants things that he might be a girl? Okay, and And a problem with that no, I don't have a problem with it But I think that women and and girls should be protected from having people who are men who are confused about their sexual identities in their bathrooms That that's not unreasonable that person who was person who was an activist who took their own university to court to force his way

into the chain, the female locker rooms, had already left college by the time I gave that speech. And that was totally misreported by the press, just like they were misreported. Jack, where do you stand on weirdos people? What, sounds like like that. Did you just call friends to get to people Weirdo's? Just a fuck with him. That's really...

I think you two are doing it right now. It's funny. That's a funny line by... It's super funny. It's just timing. You shouldn't say it. He said it. It made everybody laugh, which is the...

I mean, you can't get more left than his audience, you know? And the joke he said about pedophilia, he got... I think I'm elested by priests. I don't think we have it. I don't think it's not in this clip. I'll tell you what it was. I'm pretty sure this is it. They, I at least they taught me how to give great blow jobs now. I know I know that I'm not a, like, basically I'm not a suck dick really good now because of the priests in my life. Oh, that there was more, there was a lot more. I saw quotes from him that, right, that said that there are relationships

that develop between teenage boys who are gay and older men and that that's okay. That was the thing that he was saying that was not on the show, right? Those previously. I don't remember. I just read it in an article about it. Well, listen, it's sad because I hate, you know, there's nothing, I am very patriotic. I cry when they do the, you know, when they sing the star-spangled banner. I cry at baseball games when everybody's sitting there at like one, just a human race together

to enjoy like a game or I love, you know, I love the Olympics because it's the world getting together to kind of do something. We're all kind of in the same, I get like that. And I hate that we're, it's just, especially in this country, we're just fucking torn apart right now. And there's people that, I, pedophilia, if you think pedophilia is funny, I fucking hate it. I have a son, I don't like his funny, Jim, his donk-a-pull guy, I get it, dude,

but don't do it at my house, because I don't want it. I understand it, and it's a sad thing when it happens. I mean, I know a lot of friends that have been, have been molested. I mean, I've been molested in the way. Certain, I think we've all had situations like that and it's a fucked up thing, but it goes back to kids.

I think we gotta protect our children and raise them right to have good values. And does it start with a fucking, a 45 year old housewife? I don't think she's gonna change that much. Does it start with a 50 year old fucking construction worker that loves guns? I don't think he's gonna change that much. Does it start with a 50 year old fucking construction worker that loves guns? I don't think he's gonna change that much.

I don't think he's gonna change their mind. You know, once you're what you are, you what you are, but the kids we can fucking help, it's certainly college students are fucking still pliable. So anyways, all right, I gotta piss so bad. And I, you know, the fans love when I make it really, you know, fucking, I really want, I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

It's just so fucking, it's like every day Trump and protest in this fucking, we're fucked. I just, I wish Obama was just still in there. So I wish he could have done like 20 years. So I don't have to fucking think about politics, man. God, did I love just not thinking about this shit for eight years. You know, even with bush for eight years, I didn't really think about it except for the war.

I think it's so reasonable in comparison. A bunch of wars and people dying and whatever. Terrorism. Yeah, terrorism. Memo terrorism was out. Oh man, that was so nice. Memo and terrorism. That was just the one group of bad guys.

And now we're, I know everybody's a bad guy for a different reason. I speaking of pedophilia, where are you going to be? Oh God. Uh, New York one is just come out. I don't know. This Sunday, you know, Sunday night. What day is it? I had a long weekend.

I don't know. Just follow me on Twitter at Wendy Starling. I'm in your comedy club a bunch. Is that your real name? Yeah. That's a great last name. Thank you. Uh, thanks for coming on. Thanks for Starling. I'm in your comedy club a bunch. Is that your real name? Yeah. That's a great last name. Thank you.

Thanks for coming on. Thanks for having me. It was super fun. Yeah, you're very interesting. And I'm glad I got to hear your story about that stuff because I always wonder about that stuff, about sex. And, you know, I grew up Irish Catholic, you know. So sex has always been some weird thing for me,

but I've always been a sexual motherfucker. And I like when people are are yeah, I like the fuck It makes me I makes me happy, you know when people like yeah, I like the second dick I love gay. I love fucking dudes. You don't think again. They're just like yeah, I like dick like Zach Zach remember Zach. What's his name? Zach Amiko. He's a guy fuck dude. Sometimes I love that. It's like dude What the fuck? It's just so happy when people don't give a fuck what I think you know, I like it and fucks not getting money So hey, yeah, this should be the name of your album get fuck get money. Yeah, fuck it money Well, the name would be fuck you pay me, but fuck you pay me. That's a good one. Nobody take that

The B side is called Sarri. So go to your website. What's your website again? WendySarling.com. WendySdowing.com. All right, great. What do you got, brother? I just have a new album come out this weekend.

It's about how I don't want children and it's called No Kidding. And it's a clever name because I'm a comedian. And yeah, that was pretty great. So yeah, that's, you know, on my website on a special thing records website or iTunes or wherever you know you can get albums wherever, no kidding and I also have a special on Netflix people watch called Small Door Can Handsome and I'll be in the next coming months in Michigan in I think in Detroit in like Indiana and Illinois and a few places on my website. You're killing it man it's good for you. I appreciate it.

It's good to see you, man. I haven't seen a while. You as well, man. Thanks so much for having me. Yeah, you got it. Anytime. I appreciate it. What about you, Canon? Listen to my two podcasts. I've got a lot of you Lewis Gomez.

Yeah, I know. I had 17 podcasts. I had no 38 listeners. I have won and it spawned into two because one of our co-hosts believed in the flat earth too much, so we had to get the fuck really Yeah, just not flat. No, yeah. Yeah, for sure. He takes the world's flat Yeah, amongst other things he doesn't think the twin towers got hit by planes It was direct energy weapons with a hologram of a plane. Oh, that's true. Everyone was true. I that is show him the video

But over around earth Yeah, and also the Boston bombing was the most impressive one-take Hollywood history. So, oh God. Oh, whatever. So. Wow, I want to meet this guy. Why was he on? Who is that? Who is this fucking? Hey, Lilith, he no longer does press oddly enough because he started hurting his business.

What's his business? Uh, Solar. He does believe in a round son. That's a listen to my two podcasts. Fast as lightning you little mother fucker Irish goodbye podcast with Mike Feney and then Mike and Tim visit earth which is a spin off of my last one and then I got a bunch of dates in March. I'm at Uncle Vinnie's first and second headlining a Mohican son comics the ninth and then

St. Paddy's Day weekend, headlining brokerage in Long Island. Love brokerage, I'm doing comics too. I love it at Mahingen Son. So much better than when it was a far from there. I'm excited. It's so much better. Nice.

And they control the room a little better too. Yeah, back then they had the leather couch in the front row. Oh, that was brutal. Just the VIP, who puts a VIP couch? Who wants to watch comedy in a couch? You're lying down. Entitled cunts in the front row, lying down.

Yeah, that makes sense. They should have served them grapes over their shoulder. Put them in the fucking bag. Oh my God. I love it, we can see no sorry. I love it so much, these fucking cunts. No. I actually, the ones I've been playing are fucking great.

And it's only one night. The Oklahoma gig was awesome. So, all right, man. Well, thanks for coming on. Yeah, it's good to have you back on. And I'm, you know, thanks for the flashlight. Do you want a back? I love a back.

Yeah, I'm gonna make it a pen holder. Guys, thanks for coming on. Do you have fun? Yeah, we were having a lot of fun. Good, man. Good, good. High-spirited were having a lot of fun. Yeah, good, man. Good, good. High-spirited. How you doing?

Your wife is so cute. Is that good to say? Can I say that? Well, that's totally fine. Really? You guys swingers? Those are the same question. All right, Deepu, what do you got?

They can follow me at Art2Depu and Gakes and your podcast. Go to Hell Podcast. And March 7th, I'll be at Greenwich Village comedy club doing a little spot there So that should be fun great. That's it for me. Thank you, Bob. You got a brother. Thank you. What do you got just out learning to bear All right, get no shows of the chill March 22nd, I can't stand up in New York. I got a fucking dragon out of you 19 things I go what are you in the name? Anyways, what do I got Bobby's dates? Well well, for Parliament, Robert Kelly everywhere, right?

Who? Is it fucking, are you alright? Yeah, I'm good. Ah! March 2nd, 3rd and 4th, Bobby will be at comedy club on state and mass in Wisconsin. I love it, I bet it's great. On the 31st, he will be at bananas and Hasbroke, New Jersey. My one of my favorite fucking clubs.

I love, I do so good in Jersey. Jersey people in my people, I never thought I'd say that. I don't know if that's a good thing, but they are. I love them. Of course it is. You'll be there April 1st and 12th. On April 6th, 7th and 8th, he will be at comics when he can son in an Uncusville, Connecticut.

Uncusville, yep, go ahead. And 27th, 28th and 29th he will be at Acme, a comic company and Minneapolis And where else? Don't know what? I'm in San Fran right? I don't see anything San Fran listed. I see Noralins in May 5th.

March go back to March please. Go back to March where's March? Right here. Yeah I'm a fucking my wife. Motherfucker. I'm a fucking my wife, motherfucker. I'm in San Francisco. She really hurt your feelings. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha somebody talk the comedy festival in San Francisco sketchfest. Is that the one you're doing? I'm not doing.

I'm actually doing cobs. Cops is great. I'm doing cobs in San Fran on. I'm excited to watch a comic get mad remembering bookings. He wants to be able to come to his show. I'm so excited. And I understand Bobby. Thank you.

I did. You know what comes out as anger. He loves so much. Thank you. You know what, love comes out as anger. It's a, it's what, but he loves so much. Keep going, keep going. It's not kids listening. He's mad at adults. He's happy for kids. It's like kids, if you're listening, stop. I got a yell at your parents.

My kids stand up. Keep going, keep going. I love kids so much. Son of a bitch, when you grow up, I'm going to mother of fucking, I'm going to say what the fuck I wanted to your fucking ears. So I hope that your ears a bitch when you grow up. I'm gonna mother fucking I'm gonna say what the fuck I wanted You're fucking ears, but I hope that your ears are good when you're little You're cute little ears they deserve so much I love you could go

Boy my child when they turn 18 I'm gonna unleash everything that I was holding in the whole time I'm making you the best person that you ever can and and then you can withstand my onslaught of rage. Finally, you'll know your true father. That's a goal just to raise a worthy competitor. So fight for death. Yeah. I'm giving you as much love to hopefully be able to withstand

and combat my fear and hatred. Kids, Daniel. All right, listen, I'm at fucking San Francisco. It will be on my website. Shit. I'm sweating. I think I believe it's March, the first week in March. On my cobs Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

And right from there I go to South by Southwest that week, doing a great show. The laugh button. We're doing a live WKWD from South by Southwest. It's gonna be a blast. So please check out my website. I'll have those dates up tonight. No, I'm very happy. And become a premium member of the show.

All you guys who become a premium member, I can't thank you enough. I hope you're enjoying it, but you're supporting us and you're also, uh, we're gonna, I got a two new shows that are going up this one with a Mike Caltel, like I said. And I got one with Star Rose. We did, uh, that's going up a one on one. And I want to try to get some, I think I'm going to try to get some, uh, calling Quincy if he can come on and do a one on one other than that.

I hope you have a great week. I'm going to Ruba next week. We have a guest host. We do. We have a guest show and it's what to Ruba. Next week, we have a guest host. We do. We have a guest show. Two. And it's what? Do you want to let it know?

Yeah, please. All right. So we're doing a little black history month. We got Brandon Collins and Mike Brown coming in and co-hosting, taking over YKWD. So with all black guests, all black. Next week is an all black YKWD,

except for Lauren and D. But D. Poo is kind of like yeah so there you go gonna be great yeah next week gonna be awesome in sorry I didn't want to you You know what, dude. Thanks for listening. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.