Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Snake Tips
Episode Date: September 11, 2017This week on YKWD; Brace yourself Dudes cause this week's YKWD was on FIRE! We have Mike Vecchione, Paul Virzi, and Yannis Pappas in studio for an all time epic YKWD! We get into guidos, track suits a...nd anacondas? Virzi tells us a horrific tall that leaves us in shock and Yannis pulls out a new character Gina, which, you will never forget. Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy Dudes!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com
Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth.
This is going to be a costifier.
This podcast has no rules.
What are the mic-ass holes?
I'm sure I've already said should I regret it?
Can I get a microphone?
No!
What the fuck?
That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of you guys on.
It's just us sitting down, yapping.
Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions.
I love doing it.
Don't play both sides of the coin!
That's not what a host does, you motherfucker!
You want to do anything?
My podcast is popular enough where I might affect some of these lines.
You never know.
It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. Popular I might affect some of these love you never know I
I got it because I decided one month that I say the
Effort too much on the podcast and in life and I have the Sun and
Every time he heard a horn beep. He'd go fuck
Every yeah, every time we're in the car my wife of a son the guy next to me and I was like, I know what's that.
She looks at me, she goes you, I go me, guy beeps again, fuck.
I was like, I beeped, he went fuck, I was like, all right it's me.
I think I'll partly laugh because I met your son.
He asks questions later, he goes first. I love you son. He asks questions later. He goes first.
I love you son.
He goes right in.
When he gave me a hug, I was done.
I just go, hey, I go, hey buddy, hi five at the McGregor foot.
And he just went in for this big hug.
And I was like, I love this.
Doesn't do that with everybody.
Nah, nice.
He liked me a lot too.
Yeah, he did.
He's got good taste.
Couple, you know, couple guys.
He knows.
Yeah, Omar didn't get a hug.
No, I'm good.
No, he smelled it on.
So what's the bell?
So now you.
Well, thanks, Mike, for it.
Thank you.
Let's stay focused.
Let's stay focused.
Isn't that your nickname, focus, Vecchio?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was, so I got this bell.
So anytime I swore she
Meaning her meaning
Lauren sexy Lauren over there. I'm back to sexy Lauren. Yeah, well you changed your fucking attitude and now you back
Come downstairs. She's got a fucking choker on I make a joke. I go with that. What are you one of Norton's girls?
Some of the she rolls around. I'm going to get the bags
I'm sorry. I didn't know we're doing MPR podcast That was a fucking comedy show. You can't take a hit down at the cellar. I was going to get the bags. I'm sorry. I didn't know we're doing an MPR podcast. That was a fucking comedy show.
You can't take a hit down at the cellar.
I was about to say it's too late for you with the fucks.
Don't even try to get rid of them.
I am not going to freaking say it in there.
You can say you don't even realize you say it.
There's got to be a curse jar.
You was out of the fuck with that.
So I will give, I will give it, you build a college fund for your son.
What? You build a college fund for your son. What you build a college fund for your son?
You put I can't hear you ring the bell. I mean put money in the curse
Hey, guys, you guys are focused on the bell. I can't hear
We gotta go we gotta got two guys relax. We gotta go
Versus gotta go to hearing
I love that he turned it up like a half an hour, but now we can hear fun
Just not the way like
Yeah, verzy doesn't like inconvenience
I do it's a funny podcast
What's up? You want to hear a funny story? I do. It's a funny podcast. Yeah, but she won't talk to Lauren.
I know.
Yeah.
All right. So we ordered
we're at the restaurant.
Versi. I mean, I'm going for soup.
I said, get a soup.
I got, yeah, it's having about the soup because yeah, it's a tomato.
Say, yeah, get me a tomato.
Is that your version?
By the way,
No, it's a spot.
Yeah, it's a spot.
No, it's not.
It said it was a cucumber.
A cucumber soup. What? Wait a minute. Stop doing verzy by the way. No, it's a match. It's a spot. No, it's not. It said it was a cucumber. A cucumber silly.
What?
Wait a minute.
Stop doing verzy because he's here and it's popping me out.
Just do let.
I know you're doing verzy when you're still in the other person.
He's right here.
Because you don't do a good verzy.
You're doing like a like some Greek verzy.
Yeah, I was.
I know you Greek till before you get nice.
Yeah, he's Greek.
I know half.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like the claimant. But he's got it. Yeah, I was. I know he's Greek till before he get nice. Yeah, he's Greek. I know half.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like the claim it.
The guy.
Yeah, he had a fight.
He's, but his mother's 100% Greek.
My, my, he's, so, so this is it.
So we go, we, we're sitting down.
We're eating and they go, I go, you know, I could go for a suit, you know?
You have a go for a suit.
Like every once in a while, you could go for a suit, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. It's like comforting. You know, yeah. Yeah. You know, yeah, yeah, it's like comforting.
You know, nothing, let me tell you something verse.
There's nothing like when you're like,
what am I going to do when I get all of a sudden you see,
fucking, oh my god, what a soup, is it?
What soup is that?
Yeah, I do.
And then you're like, shit.
Yeah, my, why you get a big bowl of it?
What about Stacy's pumpkin soup?
My wife makes a pumpkin soup, make it dry.
My, my, my, my,
Don sausage soup, make you fucking move in the house.
Sausage soup, move in the house.
By the way, we gotta talk about this kid's steak tips after.
You're the cause it was.
I thought we're gonna go to appetizers after this.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry.
We're going down the menu, my fucking,
we gotta team up here.
It's a married guy fucking married.
My wife.
Soups are amazing.
You could tell the story.
So I say to the guy, I go, you have a soup.
I'm in the mood for a soup and he goes,
we have a great, we have a good soup tonight.
It's funny, you should ask.
It's a cucumber something.
So I'm sitting there.
The honest is across me is eating a drink.
You mean a soup and you could...
I think he told you was a Espachio.
No, no, I just don't think you knew what a Espachio was.
No, he said cucumber soup, that's what I thought.
Sometimes it's cold.
Well, yeah, it was a cold soup.
That doesn't even sound appetizing.
Can I say something?
A cucumber soup doesn't sound appetizing.
First of all, you're wrong, you're wrong.
It depends on if it's a summer day, you're in the Hampshire, the fucking leaves are falling.
Yeah, but he won't.
A cucumber soup sounds.
That's autumn by the way, sorry.
Yeah, I was in the morning.
So he's a call in summer.
Yeah, I said, starting the fall of the end of summer, mixed with autumn.
Don't get technical.
So he wanted a warm soup.
He thought it was a warm soup.
So the waiter puts it down.
He goes, oh, it looks delicious.
Compliments the soup.
waiter walks away,
waiters like a couple feet away.
He takes the first spoonful.
He goes, it's cold.
It's cold.
Yeah, it was disgusting. It was disgusting. It's because it's because it's what is it?
It was just a spot. It's supposed to be cool. Let me tell you something. It's cool.
He's screwed. It's cool.
It's the way to go. Yeah, but I'm not as bad and restful as you say.
You say I'm tough. I'm not tough. He's real tough. He's tough on the staff.
He doesn't like amenities. He likes things. He wants things perfect. Versi, I've been with you smoking stoves.
Yeah.
And if if if that call comes over and gets out,
if a little things out of line, you're like,
this is how you know something just happened.
Cause he won't say it right away.
At the conversations going, we're hanging,
all of a sudden this silence.
And you're like, there's something missing.
Oh, it's Versi.
Versi's not talking. Why is everything, he's like, cause he's sticking. And then he're like this something missing. Oh, it's verzy Verzy's not talking. Why is it? He's like this
No, there's a whole prefect guys
I'm a good guy you know me you fucking you met my kids you know my wife
You know me I, I'm gonna say you know me. I'm not a good guy. I look I have look we all have faults
I know we do things. I'm not the guy to say you're the guy that does that but what she just did
Fucking out of line what she do
She put an ass tree down with ashes in it
Clean the get it wet rag and wipe it out. I gotta who's asses of those?
I don't fucking want those asses.
She's spending 37 for a stick though.
Yeah, I'm spending 37 a stick.
My ass should have asses in it now.
You're right, no, you're right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guys, I want to celebrate 31 years of sobriety
for me and Sunday.
Congratulations.
Congratulations. Congratulations.
What are you doing, Bobby?
I'll do window cock suckers.
You wanted it there, you got it.
Oh, I can't get it.
Oh, I've got a plastic bottle.
Fucking unreal.
There you go, but you're plastic.
But you don't want to press the bottle.
I call the, I call the, I call the,
I call the, I call the, I call the,
I call the, I call the, I call the,
I call the, I call the, I call the,
I call the, I call the, I call the,
I call the, I call the, I call the,
I call the, I call the, I call the,
I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, I call the, Be the best not of our lives and then we'd be fighting somewhere in fucking Westchester Fucking roll around in deer shit. You cock suck
Fuck you, Versey. My wife's meatballs are better
This is not not this guy is listen to how the fucking nuts this guy we're at his house by the way
By the way, I have to give you that you're my Gregor Mayweather party was top notch cheers the whole way
It was three three people there. No, no, oh you had a whole way. It was three people there.
No.
No, you had a whole thing.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
He had he had enough food.
He had trays of sausage.
He had trays of three people.
Well, the pictures, it just look like you.
I don't take pictures of all the people.
Yeah.
No.
Are you invited back here too, right?
I did.
Yeah.
Yeah, you didn't go.
That's not big.
That involved.
No, every time you guys want to get together together you guys do invite me with very sweet box
The box I had to be spots. I look at a schedule when I plan the party
What time you have it? What's how you get a nine o'clock stand, right?
What's any of the 10 15 that the street yeah around it's around nine o'clock
So he goes you I got steak tips. You never had these
steak tips before. Yeah, I taught trust me. I got them. I bought them 500
dollars worth. You never had a steak tip like this. And I'm like, well, you
know, same as the barbecue steak tip. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not going to
boss and I want the dog. Let me say, dorms in Walden. I'm going to give
him a plug. If you're ever in Boston, near Walden, go to dorms. Do
yourself a favor. Get the garlic sausages. There's a size of your
arm and get the steak tips there's a size of your arm
and get the steak tips original don't fuck around with sauce steak tips original
the 70 dollars a bag shut up and take the head just shut up and take the head Tom bob kelly
Bob bow Tom bobby kelly sent you they'll give you nothing for free
nothing not even at discount you know you don't need it. He's going on and on about these things all on about it
Yeah, he's going he's going you know you know you know staying you know I'm staying
I thought he's just you know excited to be because you know had nothing
So I swear to God I take a bite of this thing and I was like
Wow that was fucking incredible and I go Bobby. I got to tell you something. I haven't had a
Stake tip like that in a long ago's never you never did
All right, you're fucking psych I'm trying to compliment you
First of all, I know why you stick it up for Paul.
All right.
First of all, she thinks she's the hottest guy on the wall.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
So I think I think they're all just her type.
Wow.
At certain stages.
I was a type at the beginning of this fucking whole thing, which is first met.
She's when she first got around everybody.
Then she went to Vecchio.
Maybe this was like, he honest.
Now she went to what the day, but she said, I mean, she said of a Dave.
Dave's Dave's the same thing.
I said, yeah, what kind of Dave?
Dave.
Dave.
Exactly.
Exactly.
There's some friction there.
No, no, no.
Okay.
That's a friction guy.
I love Dave.
Of course you do. Is Dave Dave's your guy? Yeah. You didn't know who he was a friction guy. I love Dave. I love Dave. Of course you do.
Dave, Dave's your guy?
Yeah.
You didn't know who we was five seconds ago.
But you know, that does a Dave's agent say Dave.
Oh, Dave, Dave's great as guy ever.
Libertarian, right?
Yeah.
What is that again?
Middle ground, right?
Doesn't offend anybody right down the middle.
Everybody can listen to that guy.
Weed steak tips.
But you got a libertarianist?
You got a little, you got a that thing in front of you
What do you think I'm doing shots?
By the way that celebrate Bobby sobriety that's take my story would make a great local commute commercial for that place
Can I can I tell you something?
You should promote never fucking do a commercial I do every fucking chance I get
You can't put you yeah, let's say something to you down because this is what this is a verse. He does it though. I love you verse
What I'm gonna say this how you do it? He go and he's never I
These state tips he's never he's never he's never had him
Okay, you want to pull the drink? I pull it up on the drink. Yeah, I'm gonna lose stomach
Yeah, it's fucking that's how man get rid of stomach shit with whiskey
You got to sweat it out.
Right there.
That's enough.
Fuck the dirty.
You're like a drug dealer.
You got to stomach thing just a little sip.
You filled it more than yours.
What about you?
To me carbs?
I'm drinking coffee right now.
Okay.
As it go with coffee.
Yeah.
Actually it is.
It's Irish coffee.
Yeah.
That's actually Irish coffee.
I put it in the coffee.
Yeah, I can't hold Irish coffee.
I'm still Irish coffee. There you go. Put it in there. So, I can't hold Irish coffee. I just put it in the coffee. And why not? There you go, put it in there.
So, so I'm not lying.
You're not lying, but you got to back up a little bit.
Okay.
Because, you know what I tell him though, with these steak tips,
he's like, dude, I've had steak.
No, you haven't.
But I know, I know you haven't had him.
Okay, I build this shit up to the sky.
Now, he takes a bite.
Yeah, he looks at me.
Holy fuck. Yeah, I looks at me. Holy fuck.
I could promise you.
Okay, it doesn't, it does no chew.
It's incredible.
It lives up to the height.
Right?
Mike, you've been there.
Yes.
I don't ever have the steak to do that.
That's the point.
He's never had a fucking steak tip.
You know what it is?
You think you're eating the fat of a sick, but you're not no
It tastes like I think that's the point I think it's the arrogance that comes after the steak after you eat it
I know you haven't you be so you know what I mean, you know, I was trying to compliment you
I was just trying to
First of all, you don't like me Mike. I do I love you. I love you. I like you like me. Yes
I you know you I've heard you don't like me. I just I'm
I'm sitting back you're a person I wasn't invited to like I'm gauging the conversation here you're
and I'm just I'm an impartial objective
third party I invited you to the
fucking fight you didn't come cheers for
Bobby sobriety cheers cheers cheers
cheers I've been 31 years 31 years 15
years old I was actually 15
15
wow cheers everybody cheers to the
fans out there you must be a
mess of a drinker as a teenager.
I was a hard finder.
Wow, that's nice.
What would you drink?
That's nice.
Really?
Yeah, I'd fucking, I'd half sip this bottle.
Yeah, it's nice.
I'd fucking 13.
Listen, here's the problem.
Let me just, can I please just state my case?
Yeah.
All right, with all of you guys, I know.
You know, what?
I said something without saying something.
He basically was trying to say that I was happy.
I had fun.
No, look, let me say it.
Let me let me let me enter Jack real quick.
He's in New York for me.
No, as in New York, you can't say all time.
You can't say all time of anything because the options are with your point was I can get
it in New York.
You can't get get on half the thing. Here's my point. Yeah, right. You can't say all time of anything because the options are with your point was I can get it in New York. You can't get get on half the thing.
Here's my point.
Yeah, right.
You can get stick.
Where?
Huh?
You can't stick.
Buddy, you.
It's a Boston, New York fight.
Listen, you can't.
Here's my problem with it.
I say, he says, dude, these are the best steak tips I've ever had.
You'd never had him.
Stop.
I just gave you something you've never had. Just say, dude, I've never had. You'd never had him. Stop, I just gave you something you've never had.
Just say, dude, I've never had these.
This is one of the best things I've ever had.
You've never had steak tips?
Never.
Not like that.
No, but you've had steak tips.
Yeah, but shitty ones.
You've never had, where'd you have a steak tip?
Like, that's just like those shitty plates, like,
tads and those shitty plates.
Right.
You know, those, like,
yeah, like, pull the tads,
sometimes square. Sometimes square. It's
sometimes square. I
pull up. If they have
state tips on the menu, I say
sorry right now. Sorry. Okay.
Yeah. Pull up. Tads. I
hate that name. Tad. Yeah.
Tads menu. He's gonna take
30 minutes for her to do this.
It's up. Stag tips. Look at
that. I see I push you. I
know I push you. I'm just
going. I'm just say stag tips
Breakfast is this the yeah, it says our menu hit our now hit yeah, there you go green salad. No down
Stay cute. No soup
Go down scroll down dinner that's lunch dinner that sandwich is Go down. That's lunch.
Dinner.
That sandwich is scrolled out.
No, that was dinner too.
He's lunch or dinner man.
I've had a steak tip.
Not that somewhere.
Maybe now we're fuck.
Now we're getting into fucking hazy area.
Either way, I didn't have what you had.
I just saying, but here's the compliment.
Here's the compliment.
But let me just give you the compliment.
11 best places.
I like the state.
I pitched out. I'm happy I was 11 best places I pitched out
Happy I work 11 best place. I know we stop don't show them the day name one of them and I'll say sorry
I don't know I never had those I
I was happy I was fucking happy. This is what happened
I get out of my car excited to see this cock sucker. He's got we got fucking cigars. We're ready. I'm happy
Yeah, it sounds a little chilly. You know, I like the little brisk
I like the fall. Yeah, you know, I started was like the first night. They was coming in. I got this sweatshirt
I put the fuck is
Nice sweatshirt nice nice like Navy sweatshirt and I'm sitting on the side
He's got fucking chunks of steak. I'm happy sausages
He's got fucking chunks of steak. I'm happy sausages the guy like sausage So rest if you got a different or is buddy Joe had a bottle of McCallum 12
Succeeded I told my wife Cubans. Yeah, I told my wife. I go you guys going to bed. I'm gonna watch McGregor
I'm off. I just got back from vacation. No spots my special flavor. I could sit back watch this failed the special
Thank you. What eat his steaks. I'm so happy and I just go. You know what Bobby?
I gotta tell you you know happy. You know I got yeah, yeah, yeah
It's almost like you know when you're at a party you start getting buzz
Yeah, you know when you're at a party you start getting buzz second drink. Yeah second drink is right when it gets happy
Everything is just happy. It's a couple hours. It's all bliss. I start doing that. This guy's got
I mean, it's some spread the bliss. I said I said I got a shakutari cheese
He's got sausages the size of your fucking, and then he's got many ones.
You get to choose.
Right.
Right.
With the big buns though.
With the Italian buns, not a hot dog bun.
You savage.
You ever make a fucking, you put a sausage, a big sausage in a hot dog bun.
If you force your guests to do that, you're a piece of garbage.
I had a sausage roll, the Italian sausage roll.
And he's got the Hoyo Day Monoray, which is my favorite Cuban. It's the Jordan of all
fucking cigars as far as I'm concerned. I got the Hoyos, I got the part of this and everything.
Big the steak and I just was so free. Yeah. You know, I knew the next four hours of my life
were going to be doing everything that I love to do. Everything that I fucking love to do is, you know, is a couple of these,
a couple of these, and then you throw sports in the biggest sporting,
it couldn't have happened. Project outside,
a projector outside. The big,
what a fucking floating in the ocean.
Little brisk in the air.
He had a fucking TV like a float.
He had a fucking projector that would conflote in the ocean.
You could play beach volleyball watch the game.
And I'm sitting there today I'm fucking thrilled and I'm gonna be the steak and then he confirmed what he said about the steak and I go
I it's been a long time since I had a piece of steak never
And I see aggression out of fucking
I just wanted to fight yeah, I just listen why did you have to make it never why couldn't have been just because it's the truth
I lie I fucking don't listen, you know what a silly thing says there, but you know what a sane person
I'm telling you for anyway go make yourself. I can have a good time
Maybe he had one he's not the H.O.
And she gets it.
I'm gonna give it to you.
Your wife's blueberry fucking
crumble whatever was.
Holy shit.
Funny as they get this.
Oh, I say it was done by a
friend.
And he takes it by the blueberry
crumble.
Literally goes like this.
He takes it by the goes.
Where's done?
Where's your wife?
Yeah, it was because he
hyped up.
But I got to give him credit.
Everything every food he hyped up. Every food he hyped up, he nailed it.
Now he's a great host, Bobby.
Yeah, he's a great host.
I'm a leaveable.
Great host.
I'll third that.
I don't go for it.
You know, he knows that.
If you're not a good host, don't throw a party.
Like, I don't like that shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
The way you're talking, you know, they got fucking lays potato chips and a fucking tool.
Wait a second.
I just want to say you were a great host.
You put Rosemary on the meat. Buddy, I had my, I had my, I had my, but here's a second. I just want to say you were great. I just want to you put rosemary on the meat buddy. I had my
but here's a thing. What do you mean? What do you mean?
What do you mean? Like the rosemary? Like rosemary spice.
I went when when we had my friend, Yana's coming. Oh, who's a friend of mine.
I love him. He's coming over before you're special. I says,
why don't you come up before you're special before you're special.
I go, we'll smoke some bats. I got I got compute will do a couple Cubans in the shed
Right, and I'll cook for you
So my wife went out and got lamb chops because he's Greek, but she has the mint the mint jelly with the rosemary on the grill
Wow unbelievable and the burgers were great. Yeah, but here's the thing. I don't fuck with I go
I'll go get Kobe beef. Yeah, I go get the fucking upgraded burger
So when you put it on, but here's the thing,
I know how to cook a burger.
You leave it juicy.
Juicy, you see in the middle.
Don't have a cookie.
Don't be a savage.
Verzy cooks an unbelievable burger.
Right.
Unbelievable.
So now here's the thing.
Verzy, you got to get up to one of these, too.
Yeah.
I guess I have to.
You got a lot of food and violence.
Yeah.
It's food and arguing.
It's amazing. You'll feel right at food and violence. Yeah. It's food and arguing.
It's amazing.
You'll feel right at home.
I like the violence behind the food.
Oh, actually.
So anyways, we're fucking smoking the cigars.
We got bats going.
Let me let up the Cubans.
We got two phases of Cubans.
We got three phases.
If you're really at the party, you're doing three phases.
Yeah.
But everybody else is doing two phases.
We got the first Cuban, right?
We're doing some bats.
He let a kid, he let a kid smoke one.
We got to talk about that.
That's what I'm bringing.
And I've already mentioned the name.
Okay.
That is fine.
He's fine.
Yeah, nice guy.
Nice guy.
So, I, we, uh,
would you could do it out?
I was gonna get good words.
You were talking about this.
This whole category called you could do it out of them.
You don't hate them.
Yeah.
There's a group of people. I know you don't want's this whole category called you could do it out of him. You don't hate him.
Yeah, there's a group of people.
I know you don't want to spend a Cuban cigar on a guy that doesn't smoke cigars.
Right.
I have a whole fucking box in my house of cigars for people.
Hey, you want a cigar?
Hey, pick one out of here.
You can have anyone you want.
And it's fucking, it's not garbage, but it's not the fucking good one. When you come to my
house, if I roll out with the hand picked ones, his friends that smoke get the best. Like, but Mo,
Mo is the best. He's Steve. We're sitting in his lawn chairs in front of his project. My friend Joe
and that guy standing behind us. Yeah. And what it's me and Bobby sitting around for Joe's amazing. It's got just goes, Hey, I, yeah, you got some
cigars. I'm right. So Bobby goes, yeah, go over there. And
anything you want the box is got cube is everything. And I
leaned over to Bobby when he said, I go to see it. I said,
dude, the microphone.
I'm so good. I forgot we're on the phone.
Tell it's like a movie. I go, Jimmy Whispers.
You doing it.
I go like, not for nothing. Nothing. Tell it's like a movie You know, I'm not gonna appreciate it. I can't handle the speed.
You know, I can't handle the speed.
But here's the thing, is everybody there,
I fucking knew new smokes, you know,
Mo, my friend Joe, you, me, Irish smokes.
I know, so it's like, it's a hard choice.
There's one guy that smokes,
and I don't know where he lies.
Am I really gonna go in and say, oh, here's a fucking,
you know, a fucking, you know, a Philly Blunt?
Are you know, am I gonna go in and get a little
macaduto for him?
You know, it's like, dude, you know what?
There's a whole box of cigars.
I made the call.
Go ahead, grab a chair.
That's why you got class.
I should have, I should have went up and said,
here you go, here's a, here's a, you know, a cheaper, nice cigar, but
you know, a little cheaper, you know, I mean, something, but I didn't. I was like, you
know, okay, we're smoking you want, but here's a kicker. I said this last week on the
podcast, I believe. I'm, I get up. I'm smoking my cigars. And I look, I want to make you
feel comfortable at my half. You're there. He was there with somebody else that I invited, but I'm like, you know, come in.
What do you need?
What do you have to help me?
I don't want you to feel shitty.
I've been to so many parties where the host doesn't talk to me.
Doesn't make me feel welcome.
It said I could come, but I don't like that.
If I say, yeah, bring somebody, I want to make you feel like we've been friends for 20 years.
Well, you want to know you do that's wrong. I'm going tell you miss a mistake that you make and I think it's a common mistake
No, you're very gracious. You're you're you're the most gracious, okay, but but you you invite too many see
I do some you could ask you honest when I have a party. I invite it's only love
What will I mean no do without this no do it's only love. I'm not kidding you. What do I mean?
No, do it without, no, do it without.
There's no do it without.
You know, I got, hey, I like him, good guy,
but you know, I can do it without him.
I don't want him at the house.
Okay, you know, I'm not a fucking kids right now.
What am I doing?
What are you, children's sleep?
All right, so it's a, it's, I gotta have, what is it?
Gotta have.
So it's like, cold stone.
And then there's gotta have it.
And then there's guys that I try to invite that I wanted to have,
I wanted to have Mike, I wanted to have Soda, there's a couple guys that I try to invite that I wanted to have. I wanted to have Mike.
I wanted to have Soda.
There's a couple guys that I want to have.
But they I know a lot of people city guys, they can't come up whatever.
If I'm going to have though, you know, let's say this is my point.
If I have Yani, if I have you, if I have Barton, if I have Burr, if I have, if I have,
if I have the click of guys on hand, it's all up.
Okay.
Okay, but here's the thing.
It's never going to be a problem.
But first, there's no separate boxing. We're gonna be a prop first.
There's no separate box.
We're gonna send them to exactly what's only one box.
It's one box, Mike.
But what if I say, what's generous?
What if I say this though?
What if I say verse?
Come up and you go cool.
Hey, I gotta bring this.
Can I bring this other guy?
It would be, I got one.
What would I would say?
Yes.
We have to vet.
What do we call it? Friend of of ours friend of mine. Yeah.
Friends of yours. What do I call you? I'll be honest. I gotta
agree with Verzi. People are not discriminating enough when you
got to when you have party. You gotta be discriminating.
But here's my mother-in-law because chemistry and rights. I
have to bring tell them to come to person control the whole
party. Yeah. I learned this. I learned this my first barbecue at my house.
My first massive Max's B day party, 50 people showed up, all the neighbors.
I invited one neighbor said some off-color mark to Keith and then everybody's
10 and then everybody's fucked up.
Yeah.
And then hung around too long.
It was a little, it was it.
So I learned it
But what I'm saying here, but here's a thing right fuck me about Ari
What I go are he's coming and he's sitting down. He goes he goes. Yeah, why I go
I didn't it does no big deal with me and him just had a really big phone out so we two
I go, but no, it's all right. He goes what happened? I got you know
I got back before the star called me a tie star. I'm you know saying you think I go for listen
You know, it's what and he just goes what?
What's a good print and then he just goes he got he got I could tell he is my and then he just and I go, but listen, you know, it's what and he just goes, what? That's a good print. And then he just goes, you know, he got, I could tell he is my,
and then he just, and I go, I'm kidding. He goes, oh, fucking first, I got sick to my stomach.
Oh, yeah, much money I spent on stay-tittin'.
What the fuck? I did it. I, time, I, you know what I mean?
That's a good one. That's a good one.
Oh, yeah, yeah. But whatever, the guy, he guy he said look I'm bringing a friend up. I said go ahead. I trust the guy
Right who's bring I he's in so I'm gonna let you bring somebody yeah
And we brought to somebody and I'm trying to really comfort them and make me a version
We got these zero gravity chairs and I you know, I put two and two because I didn't want fucking everybody sitting
But I said verzy let's go
Zero gravity chair so so you get the you got the blog screen right
Well, it's a launch you get the screen and you get the projector and on the side of the projector is two zero gravity chairs
That my mother got me and I told my mother's like me. She'll just yeah. Oh, you got to get one of those
You know off a TV she went and bought four of them for me Yeah, that's it
Now zero gravity you see how verzy how comfortable is that black one to the left? Yep, with the fucking coasters those days
With the cup holder they don't look that comfortable. Oh, dude. No, say off for the
We gonna quit sale that you guys are they all the way back
Sitting like this right and you of a sudden they go back.
Now you're watching, you're watching the fight.
It's like you're watching the fight in space.
Yeah, zero gravity.
Believe me, I can use this fucking
as least gravity as possible when I'm fucking
not even comfortable, right?
So watching the fight and I lean back
in my zero gravity all the way.
All the way back, say, hey, blah, blah, blah.
Hey, one thing he goes,
Bobby, relax. Oh, the guy. Yeah, let me tell you something. If you want me to relax,
the last word you use, who said relax is the word relax. The guy said relax. Yeah. You
want me to relax you, you the only word you should never use is the word Relax was it time to relax right now, yeah, I'm like shut the fuck up
Wait, was it to do it without who said relax?
I mean from the outside that sounds
That's like that's oh shit, but that sounds like it will be too comfortable to say.
I can, listen, that's what makes me out of context maybe.
I don't know.
That's what makes him do it without.
That's what makes me do it.
He was trying to, my favorite thing.
I think I was making him more uncomfortable by Katie.
I was a little too much.
I'm like, but I'm the little grandmother.
I'm the Italian grandmother at the party.
Come on, you don't have a say to somebody's grandmother. Relax.
Dude, if me and you ever throw a Westchester bass and we both hosted, it would be a whole,
it would be, it would be because we would just go try to, it would just be,
we'd lose friends. Yeah. We would because there'd be a lot of do with outs.
It would be a fucking, it'd still be eight people. Yeah.
You gotta keep it to a outside. Listen when you do
So you gotta draft you gotta draft people you got a really good draft
Listen, I think I think it better like a draft. I know you gotta do that
But on this on this night it was it was like I'm coming up blah blah blah absolutely. He was cool
So he was not bad. Yeah, there's a thing. Wait, it gets a little worse. I'll get the little
Because I get up on a my zero gravity because the fights coming on and I walk over to I walk past the astray and there's a coil
Yeah around three puffs taken out of yeah, yeah sitting in the astray
I was right and I I walked by the astray. I go what the fuck is this?
Versi in another conversation. I'm not even talking to him. Lean Zingos. That's a fucking travesty is what
Another conversation goes what the fuck is this? I just go it's a sin is what it is
Almost like I told you you fucking piece of shit Bobby. They're
I get it and you don't want that guy seeing everybody with some good Cubans mom he's sitting there with a gas station cigar
I get it look I took I actually I flip my knife open
I had my buck knife. Yeah, I slipped it open
I was like you're gonna smoke that right and he's like oh, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna smoke it
I go okay, and then I cut the end of my stuff
It I was a little fucking like a motherfucker, but that guy should be more software
It's like look. I don't really smoke cigars don't waste one on me. Give me like a mediocre one.
That's the thing to do.
Where was he from?
That's right.
That's Mike's right.
No, no, no, no, no, my brother's like,
he doesn't smoke.
So he goes for a lower grade cigar,
because he knows he doesn't want to waste it.
Yeah.
But I don't think people know that this is the fucking,
as Verzy says, it's one of the top ones
a lot of times.
I think it's the Jordan.
So you made a little mistake there too.
I made a mistake. No, a little mistake. I should have. Yeah. I think it's the George. I, you know, so you made a little mistake there too. I made a mistake.
A little mistake.
I should have.
Yeah.
I should.
I have a, I have a, I have a fucking black humanoid that me and
Virzies, Joe and most of us should go in.
And then I should have a little other thing.
Yeah, do right in that box.
You have 800 cigars right now, Bob?
700.
700 cigars right now.
I saw it.
It looks like a store.
It's a hard store. I think that it's like, no, that's like, yeah, that's the old one. That's a story. I'm very generous with them. I give them up. One thing I learned about cigars,
you know, a guy's a real cigar guy when you show up with this, no humidor, no fucking,
you know, a guy's a fucking just a punk, a newbie when he has like an alligator humidor
You know what I mean? You got it to it right? Yeah, it's a party party. Yeah, I'm believe it
So yeah, I got a lot of stuff, but I'm very generous. I mean I am in the last good one and the last couple weeks
We've been smoked I smoked probably two boxes of Cubans are gone. Yeah, yeah, look you only live once
You know what I mean? Look, you only live once.
You know what I mean?
And if you like a Cuban, I like a Cuban.
I like, let me tell you something.
I like smoking by myself.
I have no problem.
One of the greatest things in the world in my shed,
a little light on, reading a fucking book,
puffing on a bat,
by myself.
That just got me.
That was great.
That was beautiful.
And I'm not talking to bright light.
I'm talking to those little yellow lights.
You know, those old, like the first light ever made light,
like my grandfather lamp.
So I'm like, I got a question for you.
They say the second one,
because you know, I'll go to like last night,
I had like two and a half, right?
They say the second one's never as good as the first one
of the day.
Do you agree with that or not?
I think that, me too, me too. Yes, I agree. It depends on what you smoke. That's the beginning of smoking four one of the day. Do you agree with that or not? I think that- I disagree. Me too, me too.
I'll be right.
It depends on what you smoke.
That's the beginning of smoking for five a day.
No, we can't do that.
You got two, two is like, should be tops for a day.
Number one, I don't smoke in front of my kid ever.
So therefore, if I'm with my kid all day,
I usually don't smoke, right?
If maybe go on the shed late at night,
but I don't do that either.
It's because, and this is the greatest part,
you want to not smoke every day by goods to guards. Don't buy cheap ones. Yeah, but I don't do that either. It's because and this is the greatest part. You want to not smoke every day by goods to cars.
Don't buy cheap.
Yeah, so you don't buy a fucking my this bag right here.
This is this is a lot of money in this bag.
Yeah, if I got mug tonight, I give them my wallet
before I gave them this bag.
Well, it's no money in the wallet, you know,
I'm platinum and a gold card.
Oh, fuck my 18. They can't do anything with that. Yeah, I'm platinum in a gold card
I For the first time I was on a deck day time and he walked out and I was just tired of hiding it
I go look daddy. Don't do this
Smoke is taking Jesus Smokers stick in front of me why smoke stick
That was time I'm kidding listen
I was it wasn't even a funny joke it was just funny because it was thick and yeah
Max has got to smell the shed right when he comes in smells yeah, no, he knows he knows the fucking
He knows the I have so guys I don't smoke a phantom. I was coming up tonight. I hope I opened up
And I brought him I know you like the Hoyos. I love the way I know, but I I broke out a box
I opened a fucking box tonight that's been sitting for a year and a half
Wow, are they good?
Buddy, no, I mean did they go like do they stay good?
This fucking this what the fuck is that?
That's you.
You were telling me about I call this the Wesley Snipes.
Why?
Oh my god.
This is the tattoo.
Why hasn't he?
He isn't.
He's not. He's not. He's not. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn't. He isn. He isn't. He isn't. He isn. He isn. He isn't. He isn. He isn. Grant Kahone. This is gonna smoke you dick off.
Can I touch it?
No.
Okay.
Burn that one down there.
You can't touch it,
cause you fucking put your mouth on it.
Berzy, you gotta be careful.
You can't smoke four or five a day, man.
No, no.
I know guys should do, and they're fine,
but I would never smoke four or five a day,
because if you have expensive cigars,
you're not gonna do it.
You know, if you have, if you're smoking, fuck Cubans, if you got Cubans and 15, 20 dollar stugs,
do you smoke one, you know, cup few a week?
Yeah, it's dangerous.
That's why I don't get the little one.
Excuse me, I'm going to throw up.
I don't get the little tiny ones either, the little cigaretteos.
So I smoke those because there's no time.
There's no time a lot of times to smoke the big ones. You can get to your next set. Yeah, smoke of inside there's no time. There's no time. A lot of times to smoke
the big ones. You can get to your next set. Yeah, smoke inside. And you're not smoking
cigarette. Guys, you want to cigarette now? I can't. I got a 10 20 10 25. I got a 10 47.
Oh, what are you hosting? Like so he's doing sets. I would just want to know. Can you tell
the buckle of our story on here or no? Yeah, what?
Oh God, this a good one.
All right, we're talking about party.
He's gonna get me excited, though.
It's gonna get me upset.
This is, he's talking about parties and etiquette.
This happened at one of his parties.
That's what are some soups.
Hey, you're home.
He gets hot.
He can't tell his story without getting hot.
He gets hot.
I guarantee you he gets hot.
I guarantee you he gets hot.
How is that whiskey?
Well, it's fucking really smooth, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, you know, it's one of the better ones you've ever had.
I've ever had it.
You never fucking had it.
You never fucking had it.
You never fucking had it.
You totally get it in me.
You totally get it in me.
You gotta go to the bottom, tip of me and get the fuck out.
I love when you guys do impressions of each other,
you both do Joe Pesci
Are you ready for my this is gonna and I know I know your background. I mean everybody and nobody can't even you can't even
No, you just I
But
Value She's looking at you, but she gets starry
What it's irrelevant It's a rough. Yeah
Maybe he didn't know maybe
I think it's part of it, but I'm gonna leave it out. Yeah, what the fuck you fucking ass
storyboarding
Like this go here maybe we should move this to the top
Should I leave it out now
I Know so script. Should I leave it out? Not doing it. We need a fucking editor. No, so
so so my wife works with, you know, works with these people that were coming over
a couple couple and their son. It's already bad. And they're coming over.
It's already bad. So, um, oh boy, they bring, um,
Pakleva, they bring dessert in this container. Um, Greek and not Greeks and not
Greeks, not Greeks, not Greeks, not Greeks. And not Greeks. Not Greeks.
Not Greeks, not even Mediterranean.
As far from Greek as you can be.
It's a fence, okay?
And they bring Baklava.
And we're sitting now, we have a nice barbecue
where on the deck, we're eating these burgers,
everything is great.
And then it's dessert time.
Now I go in and let's be honest.
If you somebody brings you Baklava,
they're not Greek, you're thinking,
you know, it's not gonna be great, if you somebody brings you Baccholava, they're not Greek, you're thinking, you know, it's
not gonna be great. Okay. Okay. So I bite this thing. Yeah.
And I couldn't fucking believe what I bit really. It was, it was,
it had the, it was probably, I can honestly say, as the best
Baccholava I've ever had, delicious. And it was, it was
reminding me of like when I ate dawns, blueberry thing, and I
just went, it just hit you. You know, when you hit something
and it just, what you just fucking perks, y'all, like, it just,
you just can't believe it. So the honest who's Greek. I'm gonna do you got he eats it
And he's going and then bridge going holy shit and it's and it's fucking amazing and everybody's enjoying this
And they're fuck everybody kids or everyone's gonna go this is the fucking great. This is the best thing and and they're so excited
They're so excited, right? Then it's time to leave
It's time to leave. Bob, it's time to leave.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And all of a sudden, I can't believe it.
Not, not, not, not foot on my property again.
Okay, it's time to leave.
Get the rest of them in the Tupperware and we're taking it.
Pfft.
Fife, I, I look for my god.
I swear to god.
That's more than five.
I swear and God That's my
And I thought it was
They bring
Top of where they took your
Top of where no no they brought whatever they brought it and they got to what was left yeah and I took it I first I thought it was a joke
No, I thought it was a joke. I thought they were joking
I was looking around I was looking at other people's faces going like is anybody this is a joke right and I watch them
I had to do a window I had to watch them walk I
Watch them walk to the car with it think it think in the car
I was to the point where as they backed out I thought that we're gonna stop Imagine
I can't believe it
I thought the bricks were gonna screech We were waiting to see how long it would take
Go
And I looked at my wife and I said they never step before my property again
And to be honest I'd be actually upset if she ever was nicer
How many pieces were left? No, no, no at least 15 to 12
Yeah, they didn't leave even but here's the How many pieces were left? No, no, no, at least 15 to 12. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
They didn't leave even a, but here's the key.
I've done up and took it.
But here's the kicker.
They probably have to talk about it on the way there.
So they would probably look, you know,
maybe we only get rid of 10.
Maybe they only eat 10.
Hopefully, there's not a lot of people.
Could you imagine?
Oh my god
I'm the property right now. I can't know
That's beyond the could do it out. Just I don't want to be in the house of the property. I don't want them in the neighborhood
I don't want to have been fucking if you if we're out and you see them
I don't want you to go that's them. Yeah, I don't want them in my life
No, I said am I waver? I can't go out. I'm just curious what ethnicity.
Come on, come on.
What were that?
Come on.
Come on.
I'm just saying.
I'm trying to get somebody else to say something racist.
Come on.
Have you spit out fuck?
It's not.
Whatever you're trying to say.
Well, I know what that means.
He said he didn't want them in the neighborhood,
so that should give you a hint.
No.
I'm just kidding.
Come on. You know what, dude that should give you a hint. No. I'm just kidding.
Come on.
You know what, dude?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a fucking league just gang.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
They just, they weren't, what happened?
They weren't a tie.
Listen, they weren't a tie.
Actually, I think they were like, to be honest, like a mix.
Not tie.
Yeah.
That's a lot of weirdo white call to like
where they were they
were they those white those nerdy white people
no were they rich
he can't say no no no
were they rich no I would say middle class
I would say you know they have a kid
I would yes was the kid fat
no was the wife fat
not nobody was really there's no
nobody was fat
nobody doesn't matter the wife it. No, nobody was really in there's no, nobody was fat. Nobody was fat.
It's not the wife's got a fucking addiction.
She goes home and she fucking goes in the basement.
That is a face.
But why would you bring that then?
Exactly.
Because why would we have of it?
Yeah.
And leave it.
Yeah, well, maybe more.
I guarantee she didn't make it.
Did they tell you where she got it from?
She made it.
No, she made it.
Can I tell you?
She took pride in making it.
No, actually took pride in making it. They were just like, she made this. This is my home made it. She made it. No, she made it. I actually took pride in making it. No, actually, she's pride in making. They were just like, uh, she made this, this is
the better. This is my homemade recipe. This is my thing. And we
were fucking floored. She fucking gave us a speech about how
she made it. Let us taste it and then left it as if she was
trying to do it. Do you remember? She gave us a sample. That's
what it was like. Here's a sample. Now we're taking if you want
to buy it, give me a call back. Do you remember any of this?
Yannis. Yeah. Do you remember any of the speech of her? Yes. Yeah, what was the speech like well?
She hadn't made it before right what can you give us a little no no, there was her shit
I don't remember the speech all right. I just thought I would love to hear the speech
I'm Greek so when she said you made baklava my first was like, oh, that's cute
I'm about to taste some horrific
Baklava right that's what I thought we're gonna pretend, that's cute. I'm about to taste some horrific Baklava. Right.
That's what I thought.
We're gonna pretend like it's decent
and I'm gonna take a bite and go, hmm, and smile.
And then I bit it and like, Verzy,
I couldn't believe how delicious it was.
Yeah, I'm delicious.
My girlfriend's Greek, he's Greek.
We've all had Baklava before.
This non-Greek crushed it.
I mean, my grandmother's made it from holidays my whole life
and I couldn't, when I bit it, I'm going,
what the fuck
This is how many pieces did you get in? I probably ate like one or two one or two. How many you get in but little they were little square two pieces
They were little enough, but yeah, she had a toe toe
Toe took it away took it away and while he was doing it, Verzy looked like he saw an alien. Yeah
he looked like he saw an alien. Yeah, I could he was just watching her back. No, just she was she was she asked for the top of wear and you could just see him like he saw.
I might have left to be honest when they said I might have left like everybody's joking.
But Paul, like, how are you looking through the window? He did. He did actually looking
at the window. You know what? You were outside watching them. He's got a boxed up. No, he
he actually did that. He actually pulled the curtain back and was looking at the window going
They kind of be joking. They're gonna turn around. They're gonna stop the car. It's a joke
I couldn't believe it. I think it goes he drove off he goes never again on the property
I couldn't you couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. No, I mean, did you ever see anything like it?
It's like holiday weekend Jesus. Yeah, I think it was a holiday weekend long weekend
Maybe she was using it for another party even worse. Yeah, but you got to that's playing the odds
Yeah, that's playing that a guy like me's not there. Yeah, I'm eating fucking half that slice. Oh, yes
You are taking around five or six of those out. Yeah, right? And then I got my wife. She's gonna have one
Yeah, the kids gonna have two
Not eat the second one to take it away from the Greeks Even right. I mean, that's really worse
I mean what do you guys you guys are really gonna bitch about it your soccer club?
Imagine being the husband going I can't believe you took it
Why
It was a collect day where it's a great
Yeah, yeah, I was in that conflict. He was an accomplice to the crowd. Yeah, that was yeah
You got it you got to charge him too
So the kids charge too because he heard the conversation kid was never
Was younger playing with
Yeah, you can't about the innocence in my
Kids fuck you kids in
The innocent know
Let me tell you something. Let me tell you some honor. I said something the max that shot up
I said something to max three days ago.
About cops. He's he said something to me today on the way home. He said, Daddy, you got to make sure
that you don't drive like that because the cops pull you over. You'll get in trouble. He heard every word. I
fucking said and understood it at four. A 12 year old didn't hear them going, are we gonna take it?
Are we leaving?
I think we should take it.
But he doesn't know any better.
That's the way he's raised.
That fuck goes how good that is.
He doesn't know what he's been doing.
He was in on it.
I bet he fucked him.
He goes to Jesus.
That's cruel by the kids for.
He's 12.
The kid was 12.
Yeah, he was in his.
Yeah.
I got to agree with Bobby.
Thank you.
He doesn't know any different.
That's where he came from. I got to agree with Mike. Thank you. He doesn't know any different. That's where he came from
I agree with Mike. That's where he came from. You got it. You got it. He don't see he sees that as the norm
What does he fucking always stick in the backyard? So so you talk about a cool clutch clan guy has a kid and the kids
Says the end word these guys these guys. He's still a piece of shit at 12. I mean yeah, but it's a little you should know better
I mean, club clux cland to a couple you know
Come on. It's a set. It's almost the same exact
thing almost about the same exact thing almost. Very close. I've never in my life.
Seen never in my life. Seen that and I don't think we'll ever see it again.
No, you ever see that again. Verzy won't. What you bring?
There's no more. There's no more new people coming to Veris.
No, it was like, if you got to witness Babe Ruth
in a home run, like it's so rare for anybody alive.
You can't even believe it.
Thank God.
Something to the house and then packs up what they brought
and brings it.
Why don't you have them on your podcast?
So glad to talk it out.
You had a good front of on your podcast.
Like tell the story and then just hash it out.
But why did you guys, no, it's really interesting to see
the psychology of somebody who would do that.
What do you think it was?
What do you think it is?
I just thought that it was a big deal.
They were just...
The greatest buckle of our ever.
And it probably takes so long to make,
and I think Lauren has a little, not 100%,
they're probably going somewhere else,
maybe in the next day,
or having people over, as she wanted to not make it again.
Right, so it's like, that's even worse. That's even worse.
No, my wife, my wife, my wife made blueberry crumble and that's it.
If you want to take the whole tray home, if Paul was like, hey, can I take, take as much as you want?
Yeah. That's it. Then you will be like, can you believe?
No, we wouldn't see it. No, no, no, no, no, that's a different thing.
If you come to my place and you said, hey, you know what, it's left over.
If you mind, if I take some home to my place and you said hey, you know there's left over if you mind if I take some home to my wife and kid my
My wife would insist you did that like if you had a tray of fucking
Sausage and peppers and half of it was full
Go go go take it man. Well, you know enjoy it. You know, I made so I made this for this time
Absolutely, so that means if you want to take some that's time
I made it for this time I didn't make it for you to take home to your family
But what Mike said is a hundred percent right it comes. It's it's where it's time. I made it for this. I did make it for you to take home to your family.
But what Mike said is 100% right.
It comes, it's, it's where it's never been said before.
It's, it's where you come from.
You.
Uh, ever.
It's where you come from and it's what the norm.
It's like, it's almost okay to them.
It's fucking, it's crazy.
That's, I'm telling you right now, that is not a, that, they're, they're in cooots, but
that's a, that's from one person.
He's a wife or the husband and they back the play.
It was the wife.
I was at the wife.
I will put money on the wife's wife.
I said, the guy's not planning that.
No, the guy doesn't care about that.
No, you never can.
It's a hot crime.
No, it doesn't, but he got bullied.
He got bullied.
It's a hot crime.
It's a hot crime.
It's crazy.
It should be in the fucking constant.
It's punishable by death of ever coming to that house. Yeah, it's a punishment. It's a banishment. It's a high crime very it's a high crime. It should be in the fucking constant. It's punishable by by death of ever coming to that house. Yeah, it's a
It's a banishment. It's a shame. It's a banish. Yes, that's the way. Yeah, shame. It's definitely a high crime. Shame. I mean, you could bring it.
I can't believe it. They should have been walked down the fucking driveway naked. They should believe it.
But you should have. You should have thrown two times L.A. Say it.
Yeah, that bad joke was screaming like my underwear.
So go fuck yourself. I didn't think people heard it because it was a good one. He fucking stuck to it.
He really did. Till he got you. Yeah. He just after hurting because it was a good one. He fucking stuck to it. It did be really did till I got you
Yeah, he just after me cuz of that fucking good one. I just got on you
Unbelievable. Yeah, you were shocked you were shocked that you just heard it you heard it years later. Yeah think about that
You heard it years later. Could you imagine in real time?
Would you imagine in real time?
Lawrence Italian you you my family gives
Can you imagine I came over your family's house we would never let it happen I brought a bottle of whiskey you'd never let
No, I mean we'd never let someone do that
You 100% Italian? Yeah, 100. Sicilian or not?
No, a Bertie.
Sicilian's always wanted to know if you're Sicilian.
Yeah, yeah.
It's some sort of special.
I'm Sicilian, it's a special.
I have to have to say.
Yeah, me too.
What are you?
An obelidon.
That's no other.
100%.
No, Naples.
From the South, but still on the mainland, yeah.
But both of you, parents, yeah.
I love that we're all talking like we've been there.
I've been in Italy.
I haven't. In Italy. No, I'm like, I'm going to love it. That's the next trip. Yeah, but both your parents, I love that we're all talking like we've been there. I've been able to I haven't.
A napal, you never been at elite.
No, I'm like, I love it.
That's the next trip.
Yeah.
Where are you going to go?
You going wrong?
I don't know.
I got it.
It's got a, I tried to go for, I had this thing set up for three days where I found this
trip to Italy in the room three days, go in, fly in, that'd be one night, full day, full.
It was actually four days.
And we'd have two full days and you know she was like
no. I was like yeah but it's only we can do it. It's nothing. It's gonna be like $600
for the flights. It's gonna be this much for the day. We'll go in boom boom boom we just
go. No. I'm like why? She goes it has to be at least, it has to be at least seven to
ten days if we do it. You just in Rome or in Italy. I go I go that's pretty fucking crazy. I mean wow
She's kind of right though. There's a lot to see dude. You got to go to Venice
Don't believe the Venice is amazing Florence. You got to do Florence is fucking nuts
But then you got to go see the south too. Yeah, you go see the south
Let's sure Jim Sherbroco just went he just came back two days. You'll remember I want to go to group
We want to do I want to do Sicily in Greece like both things that I am. I want to that in the same trip. Yeah, Stacey and I just booked we just booked our 10 year wedding anniversary next month
We're going to first time ever Hawaii. I will be good to why yeah, we're gonna married it all going to Waikiki
We are lobed in Hawaii went to Maui though. Okay. Yeah, why key key is fun though Maui's a little uppity
We're just going to like just fucking get away go to resort and just Maui's real expensive real rich
Why key key is fun, and that's why you know?
11 on a flight though, but 11 hours
I had to bump it up. Yeah
If you always my first question, I said let's get first class. It was 12 grand
It was 12 grand for first class for first class
12 grand six K a person to go it's 11 hours in fucking full bed.
I went for it.
I went for it.
It's 6 grand.
Just what?
Who gave you that pet talk?
What do you mean?
Who said do it?
What is it?
No, no, no, I didn't do it.
I was going to first class.
You didn't.
No, we spent like 1200 for the ticket and then I said, let's bump up to first class.
For how much?
And to bump up would have cost each ticket would have cost a six K a piece. Oh, so you didn't so we didn't. So
I said how much business and they said bump it up another 1200 each for extra comfort,
but you still get drinks. You still get more room. You still get that. No, the business
is awesome, but I'm not going 11 like. Yeah, say someone business. It's fucking fine. It's first class for regular people
Yeah, first class on that shit. That's the horse shit. That's that's Brad Pitt and Jelena
Fucking don't talk to me. Nobody knew. So you were in Maui the whole time or did you go to different islands?
We were we went to Maui the whole time
Okay, we went to Maui. We did Maui. We did the what's that fucking crazy hotel? We got married there
then we went back there. And then I did Waikiki too. Waikiki was fun. Waikiki was fun because it's
like a regular place. Maui is really high like you know very pristine you know. But you're going to
be careful Maui. This fucking sharks everywhere. They stop killing the sea turtles. Back in the day
they would, the sea turtles were like endangered, right?
So what happens when you take away the main food source
of tiger sharks, they take the fuck off
and go somewhere else, right?
So now there's turtles everywhere,
and there's tiger sharks everywhere.
And they don't talk about it, about the shark attacks.
I'm out there by myself, just shorts on it.
Look like a shell is turtle.
Swim with like 12 fucking sea turtles.
Then all of a sudden the sea turtles are gone.
I'm like, I felt the weird, I'm like,
I feel like something wrong,
there's something, there's a different atmosphere.
I literally fucking backpedaled out of the water.
And the man fell in the sand, got sucked back into the water,
had a run, and I was like, what are you doing?
I'm like, did something wrong?
Is something wrong?
She's like, she goes, of course my wife, you're crazy.
Honey, something just happened in the ocean.
We were having fun like it was, you know, finding Nemo
and then everybody was gone.
We were just like, I gotta put flags up for the warnings.
Not stuff like that.
I don't fucking know it.
I go to the guy down the street, I go buddy. Yes, today I was swimming up at this
Cove
There he goes. Oh, yeah, good swimming. I go is that there's a bunch of sea turtles. He goes that buddy. Don't do that
He goes that does we just found a torso down the street at the four seasons. Oh
Fucking torso wow
Wow, well, you know where the most great white
Bring up sharp
Cagra Maui
Cape Cod is why do you know why?
Because they said that that's where the food migrated to.
That's where the seals went.
They could because back in the day, all those Boston crazy fishermen, they kill those fucking
seals.
Fucking club mode ahead.
You cock, sack.
Kill all those fucking.
They shit and piss and tell you that's true right now.
Like at the aerial view, if you if you keep caught is infested with great white sharks.
It says don't go in the water.
It's got the most great white sharks in East Coast. Really? Yeah. Cape Cod is infested with great white sharks, it says don't go in the water. It's got the most great white sharks in East Coast.
Really?
Yeah, Cape Cod is fuck going into the water.
Don't do, do, do, do statistics.
Not a video.
Do, do news or something.
Yeah.
Shark attacks.
Yeah, Maui.
Science is no why Maui leads in shark attacks.
Wow.
Yeah, there you go.
And then you never hear about this shit
because it will kill tourism.
Yeah.
Right.
Shark, so. Read that. Read that with your sexy voice. Yeah, dude
I'll get to see that shit. I read that. What does it say if you need help over the past 20 years Mary had almost
Double the number of shark bites of any other island and even though all of the larger islands have thousands of people people going
We're going going into the ocean every day
going and by the end of the ocean every day.
41 Tiger shark.
What's a tiger shark? Is a tiger shark still big enough?
Body a tiger shark is a size of a boat.
That's a fucking big shark.
And it bites.
Let me tell you something.
They bite through sea turtles.
Like you'll see a sea turtle with just a like like almost like a movie bite.
Right?
I'm right through the shell. Really? Dude, which is like almost like a movie bite right right through the
shell. Really? Dude, do the fucking shell. Yeah. Crunchy. The vast shelf area of the
reef habitat around Maui extends offshore to depths of 600 feet in its home to
wide variety of tiger shark prey. Like the shelf area is also ideal for tiger shark
meeting and popping. Yeah.
Hmm.
Wow.
Bobbi, when you were in a water with the, with the seat troughs, you got, you didn't see
anything though.
You didn't.
But let me say something.
I'm in the water.
We're having a me and the seat troughs.
I'm like, oh my god, this fucking seat troughs all around me.
Right?
You probably thought I was like, like a king seat teacher.
You know what I mean?
Like a king seat.
I love Bobbi's echo.
Yeah, you know me to hang out
70% of bites occurring between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking day. I was out there at fucking 145
I like the sharks have a union shift
94 an hour for lunch
Keep your eye on the guy with the turtles keep coming out at two
buddy all the side look there was not I don't I didn't see nothing but you never been in a look I've had this feeling in pool so it could be wrong
Somebody released an alligator and's somethings in the pool.
I hate that.
I know what you mean.
You know what I'm talking about?
And I'm out there good.
I've been going to Cape Cod my whole fucking life.
Bring up that shit.
No, that's that's pretty.
That aerial view of shot,
great white shocks in Cape Cod.
Yeah, look at this dude.
Cape Cod is a festive dude.
Do you write the four real
Views
I told you we'd help if you needed it.
Yeah, I can even scope a
Woulda been like what the fuck did I got it look at this we's all the
wires images buddy look at the
Sharks right there yeah, but they're right to let all these people swimming
Yeah, that's crazy look at that Oh, God, yeah, but they're right. They're little. These people swimming. Yeah, it's crazy. Look at that. Oh
Look how close I was literally out further than that when we went down to the shore like that is fucking five feet of water
I'm yeah, but they're coming back because I'll tell you why it's illegal to fuck with the great white shock back in the day
Look at how close those are look at that. They're right in the fucking show like it.
Jesus, fuck.
Look at the seals.
Those are all seals and those fucking things.
Yeah, that's where the seals migrate.
That's nuts.
Yeah, fuck.
Look at all those seals.
You don't want to be around their food.
Yeah, that's fucking seal.
Look around in the water.
They're just waiting.
Seals are like the Boclavov.
The seal.
Now Cape Cod, which has been fucking pristine my whole life, is now South Africa.
This shows us South Africa with great white sharks.
That's crazy that it's Hawaii and fucking Cape Cod now.
You got to take away these, I mean, let these fishermen loose again.
So you got to do, let them loose.
What do you mean?
You're not allowed to, you're not allowed to catch a great one, right?
Can't look at that guy surf and doesn't even know his great what.
Fuck you.
I, you know what I go now?
I told my wife because we were always like, I like, she's like,
honey, I want to go to the ocean.
I like the ocean.
We should get a house on the ocean.
No, we're getting a house on the lake.
Okay.
If we ever get a fucking, it's a house on a lake.
Cause you know what?
That's what my wife is.
When you go into a lake,
you don't need goggles, maxes eyes don't hurt,
and nothing's gonna bite my fucking foot off.
Yeah.
Cause I'm fucking hanging out and I look like a seal.
One ear crazy shirt.
Put my bed of lake, legs a little trash.
The lake in New Jersey that I used to wait for someone,
someone let out a huge like anaconda snake into the lake.
And, but it, they had to shut down the lake
for the entire summer.
Okay.
I'll tell you, okay, Anaconda.
Hey, tell me this is an anaconda in the lake.
I go get a fucking machete.
I go get the fucking, where is it?
Where is it?
I walk, I'll canoe a fuck.
I'll cut that fucker in half.
Midd, come on.
Buddy, I don't give a fuck about it and a conda
I care about a great white shark the size of a boat when I'm I'm fucking I can't even keep myself up anyway
Hey
Son with your arms up
I
Is a noodle and I first of all that story's garbage. That's all fair. I swear there was a hot dog It was frozen he put it in cafes
Chetting over yeah, okay the anaconda story wait a second. There's no way you're not gonna be scared of an anaconda
I mean, it's a 40 foot fuck. I mean it's ain't gonna be prox first of all you're very stop
See how long an anaconda can be it's not 40 feet Bobby you crazy
It's not funny. I tell you where I'm gonna go fight it. I'm not no
That's not my name. Yes, you did you said you're gonna go in a bucket me and
16 20 foot is the longest one. What's the biggest one?
About 20 feet 16 feets feet enough
No, but it says battle play under
Yeah, I'm gonna kind of ever let's try to it'll wrap around in strength and I granted it'll take a while to get around you
But it'll strangle you stop I didn't listen
First of all slip it a minute
Nobody's gonna get
But people listen it. Can you guys go back?
Because I don't have the money
I bought the almost 30 feet. I'm sorry 28 feet look at that fucking that's ever found
Not not never ones that are out there the one in Jersey is in 30 you can't you can't say the one in Jersey Bob, you're almost 30 feet. I'm sorry. 28 feet. Look at that fucking, that's ever found.
Not not never ones that are out there.
The one in Jersey isn't 30.
You can't, you can't say the one in Jersey
was the biggest one ever found.
Okay.
You were like, you're gonna jump into it.
Go fight that.
You're gonna tie that in his pants right now.
That's right.
That's a, you really, that's Photoshop.
Put a real one on this.
I put it on some of this. Can you do me a favor and be good at this and pull the real one up stop
I'll take a shark I'll take a yarn she's put up was an ice cube the actor in it
Is this one Bobby
That was a fucking garden
Listen That was a fucking garden snake and it's eight feet tall Oh
Nessie
Will you pull up a real pull up real don't have take away ever and just put biggest big anaconda anaconda snake
Fucking every single photo fake red tube give her a second to read it
They're all looking at shit against a fucking lion
Fuck fake red tube give her a second to read it. They're all looking at that shit against the fucking lion. Fuck that's
fucking the other thing. How's that fake?
What do you think I got the line?
They can't blame me.
He's funny.
They're fucking lion.
Wait, that one right there. The one with the guys do the one with the guys.
Not that one looks fake.
Not that one.
You jump, jump.
The other ones.
Scroll the one with the guys.
Not the guy. That's real. Go fight that Bobby. All right. Now, yeah, the other one. Scroll the one with the guys, not the guy.
That, there you go.
Go fight that, Bobby.
All right, now, yeah, let me fit.
And let me just say this.
Jesus, first of all, let me just say this.
Can I fucking plead my clays with you fucking cops?
You can plead my clays, yeah.
I got it, yeah, but then you gotta give me this,
us to let him speak his place.
Please, if you plead your clays,
just go plead his place.
I guarantee I get the shargo.
What was that thing we said?
She's gonna go
Snakes a big
The best back of on the world
Versus cute no, verzy sexy no, I love verzy no
Here's a thing that thing doesn't leave the lake that thing doesn't leave the like you know what first of all verse all right Go ahead down go ahead, go ahead, go down. All right, go ahead. Why am I just going to talk that I'm talking the snake size? Hold on,
what's that? That's the say the stories true that a girl from
Jersey, who's dating Dave Smith. Okay, this story's true. Let's
just say it's true. Let's say there was a lake in Jersey that
somewhere, a fucking mook said, Oh, my other con is too, but I can't
afford buying you could
You could go to Google that that's probably in the Jersey
That's not the Jersey one. Oh, so you ready? Yeah, I guarantee you get one the circumcise I guarantee it's not big
And if it's the one I'm thinking house the size it is you give me a canoe give me a machete
I'll fucking go up on it and I'll cut it right in half
You won't do I'm not gonna go near the server to barbeque
Snake tips
Can we just can we just take a moment to appreciate that Lauren said he's got a nice track
Would you said sexy version?
The build up to that I can't even tell you how great it was she was with me the whole way
Let me see it. There's a 16 footer. All right. New Jersey news.net. 16 foot and a kind of loose in New Jersey lake.
Fake.
That's fake.
I mean, the picture might be fake, but that's still a fucking real news story.
Okay.
So now, let me tell you something about Anacona's because I've been researching these
snakes for a long time.
Oh, I mean, fucking John, you're awake.
Now, you're fucking zoologist.
You've been researching Anacaconda for a long time.
I know about snakes, all right.
Max loves snakes.
We learn about snakes all the time, okay?
On anaconda, number one is not gonna bite you
unless it's hungry.
If it just ate, it's not fucking with anything.
It's not even with sharks.
Same thing with sharks.
Can I finish?
Can I finish?
Can I finish?
Yeah. That's not true about sharks. A shark finish? Can I finish? Can I finish? Yeah.
That's not true about sharks.
A shark will bite you if you're in their fucking territory.
If it's, it will take a exploratory bite just to see what the fuck you are.
And a shark will eat, eat, eat, eat.
Okay?
A snake, the way it eats, can only eat.
If it's eating a fucking sati, it's a dog, right?
That's 16 foot. It can't fit
and it has to go through its body out the other side. It has to decompose, spit the bone.
It's a process. They could get hurt eating the wrong way. Okay. So they have to be hungry.
First of all, so now this thing's hungry. It's going to run from me. It sees a big canoe
coming. It's not coming at me. The only time anaconda is going to fucking attack you is if it's sitting there and you come up on it, right? Now, I'm
not saying I'm coming up on an anaconda. I'm saying I'm going to go in the canoe. I see
it zipping across the lake. I come up by alongside it versus you guys are rowing, right? And I
get a hatchet or my machete, right? And as it's I'm right in the middle of it. I'm just like, you know, I'm just like, I'm just like, you know, I'm just like, I'm just like, you know, I'm just like, I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, I'm just like, I'm just like, you know, I'm just like, I'm just like, you know, I'm just like, I'm just like, you know, I'm just like, I'm just like, you know, I'm just in a lake. It's, it's, it's there. It's like it's not going anywhere. Shark could be fucking miles and miles away. You
could still have fun at the beach all fucking day. You're in a lake. That thing is in there.
There's a 16 foot fuck. I'm not going in the lake. Did you hear the word canoe? Yeah, but
it's still there. It takes away the whole thing. I mean, you could be in a canoe with a shark
and you're not going to be any day. That's not true. You're not going to be sweating the
death on that canoe. What? You're going to be sweating the death. Oh, that was an attempt at a fat joke
That wasn't until you made it that you
She was really thought she was worried about me. I passed on the one
Feel pat yourself with a I wouldn't have the balls to go make me Like in the shape and you get chubby. I hope you get married have a kid you blow you blowed up. Not doing make me happen. You have to come up with new characters.
Maricia's cousin.
How you doing?
I like lollipops.
I'll put it in my mom and my mom.
I'll suck your dick for it, don't not.
Would you go into a lake?
Would you go into a lake?
There's no way I would do anything like what Bobby just said.
Why?
I don't know, I'm a New York's comic.
I'm just gonna get a machete, a canoe, a couple of good friends.
Let me tell you something.
I'm gonna go hunt the fucking Anaconda.
That sounds reasonable.
Let me tell you something.
First of all, I'll take a gun. I'll fucking get a shotgun. I'll blow. It's fucking head off
Verzy me you got a lake right you're in a lake you got a lake house
It's the summertime you wait no summer for this lake house. Yeah, right? Yeah
Fucking great, right? Oh, the sudden your neighbor Lauren comes over. Never yeah
Nice racks though you got around I can watch the kids fly if you wanted to just you know come over
It's so weird my canoes
What is this fucking archie bunkers white? I know like my breast gets a little risky.
We always make it that.
Anyway, first of all, you want to make some sort of...
First of all, I got all this man to cut.
I don't know what to do with it.
First of all, before we get into this.
Listen.
I would call the fucking town.
That's what I would do.
I'm gonna do this.
I would over my read time. I gotta do this read.
Listen, all right.
I'm gonna get back in this because here's the thing.
I love it.
Here's the thing.
You're with me, Versey.
I'm gonna, you're with me fighting this fucking anaconda.
No, he's not.
There he is.
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The more you buy the more you save. Sorry. I can ask it reflux. Yeah me too. I
Stop taking my pills.
I'll tell you about that.
I don't get a baby, can't do wine.
Don't drink red wine with it.
Oh, you don't drink.
I don't drink.
Yeah.
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riotcats.com slash Robert Kelly.
Right now, this is now she printed out the wrong one.
I didn't.
I'll let you read it.
What do you mean?
Oh, sure, you have to end.
It's okay.
The stakes were made, but nobody died.
Okay.
I almost read the wrong thing.
You did?
I did because it's written here.
That's what a rob's meant.
Rob's a moron.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
That's a bit awful, too.
I have a thing of Rob's sprants the founder of this company.
A video of him when he was young at a thing,
he was doing a video back when you had to hold the camera
and had a bag of food that he was bringing in radio station.
Oh wait, he posted it.
It's the, he does this thing where his head was like,
come on.
And he used to use head. I watched it 90,000 times.
I can't.
I'm addicted to this headball because it's like when he was trying to be an actor or like
a live commentary news per Hey, guys, come on.
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Please bring this up.
It's the worst
Gonna get back in this anacondent because I think you're with me now that we have Yana's back
It's the worst thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. Do you got it?
He does it. He you know when video cameras first came out everybody was like the big ones They had to yeah, they were Yeah, they were trying to make, like, everybody's trying to make a video, like a TV show.
They're calling like a camcorder, right?
Yeah, they're like, hey man, we're going
into the radio station.
Come on, check it out.
And, you know, call me.
And he did a head bob.
I fucking almost threw my phone.
I almost threw my phone out of fucking window.
I went like this, ah, like there was a spider on it.
And then I watched it 900 more times. I can't not do it. But he ugly looks the same. Well,
like a guy. Yeah, we're shot. Oh, my God. I think, look, first of all, stop. Go back.
Go back up. Okay. I want to go. Okay. There's a photo. He's on some island with penguins.
Now he's out in the harbor. Look at that. He's on a yacht. Right. He looks great. Scroll down. Right. Now he's on horses. I think Rob is siphoning money out of this fucking
I get I've been getting paid nothing. Look at that suit. I think Rob. Oh, he started deep
I think look at him. I think that says probably second home scroll down he's fucking
Siphon the money off of the fuck he's killing an anaconda and one of these guys so go up go up right there look
I watch as there is this is him
1998 right scroll down a little bit before he click it
Scroll that I'm serious
Right here
Please go back go back
Watch this fucking head not
Sorry, it's moving slow. Who's this guy? It's this is right exactly
This is the founder of Ryorkaz's his head not at the beginning of this
Look at him
this. Look at him. I can't fucking it fucking makes me want to punch something. I fuck but I can't I gotta watch it one more time. Just one more time. Give me one more
shot of the ear on it. Watch this. 99. I'm here to give you a tour of 92. 227 the BDR so
Oh Don't do the head thing
The
I
Could I was literally
He's on he's taking dude. I don't know what a horseback. Yeah, he's got horses now
I think I think this company is fucking successful making millions and I'm getting paid fucking check-ups
He's really throwing me a check every what the fuck I got a check's coming
I'm reading these fucking day I'm probably getting fucking millions
Deep discount. Yeah, he's on a horse. He's on a horse. He's on a yacht. Look at the other one. He's on a fucking yacht
I bet you his steak tips better than yours.
He's like he has a professional photographer.
Yeah, he looks great now. Wow.
He looks a lot better now.
I'm sure he's not doing those headbops.
Yeah, he's making money.
You could tell by his boat shoes all the way there on the
version. Yeah.
Yeah, that's a success.
Sneakers. Yeah.
Befriending thing one.
Yeah, that's a rich man's move.
That was a rich man's move right there. Yeah, especially and being with penguins
That's a rich man. Yeah, you got he owns those
He
Penguin and
I don't know. I don't know.
It's a nice track.
Yeah.
Versy.
Yeah.
Me and your own lake property.
All right.
Obstet in New York.
Yeah.
Indian lake.
Yeah.
Small lake, good lake.
Not like George, but not, you know, it's big.
Right.
We have beautiful houses.
You're over here.
I'm over there.
Right.
Six to 17 acres each. Yeah. right. We got woods behind us. Oh, you're dreaming now all of a sudden here
What
Percy what's that?
Scream scream. What the fuck is that?
She's the neighbor she's the neighbor her name is who names nor Gina Gina what's wrong?
How big is a snake you're not gonna
In the water you fucking shit and I also got all this left over
The snake but also I've got a few real complex
like the over and some big
to see it for you boys hungry.
She knows that it's out.
I couldn't play the
head anymore.
I had to go back to my roots.
She knows that it's down on a month.
On a month the drink talk. back to my roots. She knows that it's down on a monster drink.
I know.
She knows that the gym again, you guys.
I got a whole pot of gravy for you
All right, here we go
So we use mug of hats. Yeah, my leg right?
The sun's coming up
Hey, boss, fuck it. I'm beautiful. I'm so glad we came up here. I love this. Hoyl. Man. Love this. I love this good stick in this morning stick
Nothing
Burzy there's a fucking snake in the lake call the town I'm not going I'm not That's reality
I can't what I'm gonna get you shotgun
Yeah, you're sure you got a shotgun I'm drowning. No, that's Nick. It's a thank you
You're a shot dude. If we have lake houses we have shotguns. Okay, we have shotguns yet
We have wait what time of day is this really
We have shock wait what time of day is this
When I go on at night now I'm gonna fucking answer we fast forward when you guys are at the hospital
Jersey accidentally
Listen
Where is it, Gina? I don't know, but put your tracks to the heart. I'm going to get over him. I'm skiing.
Gina.
I'm going to do a sit-ins.
Gina.
Just get you shit together.
Look at us.
Gina, scared, Gina.
Yeah.
Where's Mike?
Mike said the gym.
Yeah.
I'm going to get in the boat.
I'm going to get in the boat.
I'm going to get in the boat.
I'm going to go find this thing.
Please.
Where is it, Gina?
I don't know, but put your tracks to the heart.
I'm going to get over him.
I'm skiing. Gina. I'm going to do a sit-ins. Gina. Gina Gina get you shit together look at us
Where's Mike?
But he just got back for them Jim yeah, but he went back again to blow out
He said it was like deity came back but he said it forgot to do drawings I'm Italian I'm supposed to live this way
Gina
Gina
Gina look at me Somebody else Where is Mike
Listen listen to me you got caught lads
I don't sorry Listen Gina don't tell don't tell don't tell don't eat
Music not listen Paul there's a fucking anaconda if they're in the lake our kids are here
I know but what are we gonna do? Noca? we're gonna wait for oh does she have view or not?
That's for fucking champions
But that's for fucking the men who come home after our hunt now you call the national wildlife people
Yeah, that's gonna take three days
Three fucking days
We both have shotguns listen in all seriousness. We both have shotguns three fucking days. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no shotguns. Yeah. Well, look, this hour is going to make it different. Go to the. All right.
We're going to put it to a ball. But I think you make it deal with
me. Yeah. If, if after two hours, it doesn't work. Yeah. We call
the wildlife and we go to Gina's for some. Let's get in the
box. Let's get the box. What would you wear on the boat?
Tracks. Where?
She's taking a wife feeder. He's got to wear a wife feeder. What
do you think under the tracks? I go low, you know both shoes white t shorts, maybe you know chain out
What about the fact that anaconda's disrespecting you and your fans?
I'm gonna wear my fucking ring. I'm wearing my fucking onic diamond ring on the pink
my fucking onic's time and ring on the pink. He's right away on pink, you ring?
Oh, the fucking pink.
Bobby called me off for how I eat my sandwich.
Remember when my pizza sandwich like this,
fuck like it's the most delicate thing.
Like it's literally gonna,
the wind's gonna blow it away.
It's like this, like this.
Like if the wind hits it, he's holding it out like,
oh, fuck it.
Listen, this is, this sandwich is made of fucking gold.
Go.
Go. You eat it like this, huh? One more little splash. I'm excited. This is this is the sandwiches made of fucking gold Go
A little splash
Discipline some one more little splash for me
Yeah, we're in the ball. Let's get in the boat. We're in the boat. Okay, we're in the body. It chains out chains out
I'm in I'm in fun. I got all black. I'm so a little chubby. Call Becky. Oh, and he'll know what to do. Nice doing spots. He
Why Jane is alone Gina
So now Gina's on the shore. We're in the boat. We got a shotguns. We got a machete. We're rowing out. I would be Gina. Where'd you last see it?
It was over there over where
I was bringing it out for you boys. And then I saw this long snake come out and know it.
So I put the man that got that and I screamed for you help because Gino's not here.
It is back in the gym blowing out.
So listen.
Wait, who am I with?
Gino, I'm playing good.
You were Mike, but you call him
That's his middle name Michael Gino Anthony No blowing out tries is the funniest thing ever
So the fact that he went back to the boat on the boat how we see that flower on the boat
No, no, we didn't see it yet when it's on the boat. We're cruising out and I'm going Bobby
I'll be honest with you do snakes. I'm fucking scared so like if I kick in the boat
I know but I don't want anybody. I don't, are you fucking nuts? I'm afraid of heights.
You think I'm going to tip if you come near me, I want a roof. I'm going to fucking flip
out on you. I'm not going to tip the ball. We're going to make sure the guns are like
a way. It's a way, way, way, like away from each other. Why? Well, because there's
fucking two guys, two shotguns on a fucking robot. Yeah, but we're not two morons. I mean, you're not Navy SEALs either.
That was my point.
You're right.
You're too out of shape, cop.
Are you guys weapons experts?
I mean, he's got a great point.
Virzy, listen up. We have a helicopter in the boat
And also flame torches and a snake killer weapon. What do we do?
I'm like do Bobby. Let's just go back to Gina's and get something to eat
There's a deal though. First of all buddy. We'll just try to get this snake if we you a stand this Paul
We fucking shoot this fucking snake right in the head.
Anywhere in the body, we could shoot it, and it's dead.
We just fucking shoot it, and then we take it,
and then we become fucking, oh my God, we protected,
what are we gonna show up with around our fucking neck?
It's like fucking, euros.
How do you shoot the fucking thing in the head?
How would we, if you didn't get it?
Yeah, how do you shoot that will in the face? If you fucking take a double barrel and you shoot the thing, in the head? How would it have come in and get it? Yeah.
How do you shoot that?
If you fucking take a double barrel and you shoot the
bit of your ass and there's a big splash.
We don't know if we fucking got it.
Yeah, you do.
It's a float.
Anything that's dead floats.
You do it.
How are you Italian?
You don't know that.
You make shoes out of it.
Yeah.
I would call back to Gina for the thing.
And I go, Hey, Gina, you still got that money.
God.
We're coming in. Two hours. Lost some left of it. So what a lady. The friend just foe. From the thing and I go, hey Gina you still got that money got
You know I know listen I would fucking I hear that
Versi's back and the story I'm on the boat I'd go with you for a little while if I didn't find I mean I would know
I'd be fucking killing an anaconda here. I'm on the boat. I'd go with you for a little while if I didn't find I mean I wouldn't know I'd be fucking
You're not fucking killing an anaconda. There I am. No, you're not there. I am no
Jersey I am yeah, I think it's illegal in Brazil. Yeah, you're not
What was in Jersey if I see a fucking anaconda in Jersey?
It was a difference if when's in Brazil or Brazil? They're like protected or something
Oh, so now you doing that if you're in Jersey, that's a fuck you
You know what I mean? I'm like if I start tiger in my backyard. I'm fucking shooting it did it something. Oh, so now you're doing this. If you're in Jersey, that's a fuck you.
You know what I mean?
So if I start tagging in my backyard, I'm fucking shooting it.
If I have a gun, I can't just fire a shotgun anywhere.
Like they hear that.
You know, you're doing a lot about anacondas.
So you think in your head.
From well, I didn't really learn a lot about, I learned a lot about Mac.
I got it.
I learned a lot about prank mantises which are very similar
Why? You don't know when it is.
You're losing your mind.
I can do brain surgery.
I just gave a guy haircut one time.
I learned about amacons.
Now when you bring...
Catching like blue jace.
It's like we were talking about Bobby the Marine Biologist.
It's like we read about MMA and being like this is how you got to do it.
This is how you got to do the move, but you could do this is.
This is how you could do it.
Yeah, but what the situation is called learning you fucking moke.
It's called learning what you can't learn.
You you're who you are and never get further.
I have no I know about anaconda's buddy YouTube taught me a lot
Honey, I built the fucking pirate ship off of you too. I learned about polar bears on YouTube
What am I gonna do in a real life run if you see a polar bear? Don't fuck a polar best. I know
But I wouldn't fuck with a 16 foot anaconda
best. I know, but I don't I wouldn't fuck with a 16 foot anaconda in Jersey. body in the con is we gotta see a snitch. I like how in Jersey is the key.
I love it. It's in Jersey. In Jersey. North of Trenton. I let him live.
I used to live in Jersey. So she don't got a job selling mods to energy drink.
And we moved out in a washchester. Now we live in Indian life.
There's an end to Conjure., I don't know what to do.
But I still get my nails done.
I just spend all day doing my nails making
Ville-Pamajan and looking at Paul through his winger.
Are you guys hungry?
Oh, I can tell which one's which.
Yeah.
You need to eat.
And you're at the Kelowna endocondis all day.
You must build up an amp.
Well, to be honest, I left the end of condolence myself just to see an action and you track sound
You look very nice. I was hoping it would eat Bobby
Get rid of that show and be here with the same time
Cuz I didn't make it
Both of you too Let's wrap this up At the same time, because I didn't make enough of it. The man in the glass, buldy, who too?
Let's wrap this up.
Oh, dude.
Oh, no.
What a nice play that was.
Oh, I mean, I've laughed on a lot of podcasts.
We're not like that.
I got a headache.
A headache, is you drink half a bottle of whiskey?
You're talking about what?
Double-split.
Double-split. I'm so abrasive whole. Go for flat. We'll just fly.
You're celebrating for you.
Oh, I said, I'll bring this to the ring.
What am I gonna be disrespectfully put in front of me?
Yeah, okay.
And we killed a fake anaconda in the process.
See, this is good chemistry.
This is what you wanna do at a party.
You wanna get this thing out of the party.
This is the party.
Well, this is, yeah, this is a good one.
I've done podcasts with, not good chemistry, too. No, you're right is the party? Well, this is a good one. I've done podcasts with not good chemistry, too.
No, you're right about the party.
There is a, I've learned that over the last couple of years,
and even with, here's the problem with parties,
people don't want to, they don't want to come.
They just want the invite.
I had people mad at me for a long time.
I've said this before because I didn't give them
the fucking invite.
They didn't give me invite and they don't fucking come.
So you're right, there is a small list.
I don't care anymore.
You know, I mean, look, it does hurt.
There's been, I know people who have had parties
who I've invited to my party.
Yeah.
Number one didn't come, which is a fuck you.
Number two, like days later,
you look on Instagram as a fucking bash going on.
And people that you know that were at your party will go into this party,
but never told me, oh, are you going to that party?
Never got invited from that person.
So the people that went to that party and my party, they're const too.
Yeah, but I don't expect like I, I, for me, I don't associate it with me.
It's understood that that's not my party.
That's not my party.
My party is this, right?
Like if us, if us four were sitting in my house drinking, smoke sticks watching boxing,
and I see another party, it'll be us three because Mike has spots.
I mean, I'll take like a spot.
Yeah, he doesn't, he doesn't pop it up.
No, I do. I smoke cigar. That's really fun. Yeah, he has a puffer dog. No, I do. I smoked a guard.
You do?
Yeah.
You coming tonight?
Yeah.
Oh, you got a spot.
I'm a danger field field field.
I can't get back.
I can't get back.
I don't have a car.
I have to go host nine ghost battles.
I can't have a loose gomos yell at me.
Guys, I'm a joke, Savanna.
I can't have fun.
Well, you guys are enjoying life.
I'll be thinking of a huge car man. I got 15 new minutes on anacondas
My new sets called anacondas and baklava
But you're right you have to invite certain people yeah, cuz I know who says no now, so it's like
Ed I'm not you know I
Invited you I go okay boom. I'll give you a couple of advice three times I give two three times three right? I give two three times I know who says no now. So it's like, yeah, I'm not, you know, I invited you,
I go, okay, boom, I'll give you a couple of advice.
Three times, three times, three, right?
I give two, three times.
I have three is probably good, but I give two.
I give three.
Okay, three is probably better.
I'm gonna say something that's,
but I didn't want to come to Paul's for a long time.
But it's just I have to fucking,
I got the word, or you say?
I mean, this is not racist.
I'm not trying to be racist.
Yes, I'm just saying something that I've
I'll see he hangs out with me a lot too much. That's how you know because he preface it. Listen up. Enough. I'm not racist
No disrespect here comes the racist what I've noticed. Yeah, what I've noticed is if your party is in a very rural area
Yeah, wooded areas. Yeah black eyes generally will not come
Unless they know that at least there's gonna be in two or three other black eyes there and he's right about that
Vladimir coming on Vladimir coming. I was at my house for a party. He showed up. I swear to God
He kept going. Hey, he's been nothing. No nothing but the Bronx and he comes up to one of my parties a couple years ago
My fourth time he goes hey listen, I'm you know, I'm really uncomfortable here. I tell you system
I'm really uncomfortable with the outdoors.
You guys got that off bug spray, right?
So he's like, he's just really starts freaking out.
Then he sits down and a deer walks in my backyard.
He never saw the honest little test to this.
He was staring at the deer.
Like it was like, no, like it was a UFO.
He's going, are you serious?
Are you serious?
Are you see, he could not. And then he just wanted to leave he was worried about bugs
if that was his uncle he would have took his knife out killed it
and put it on the west side highway that fucking
off the barbecue the next day but how many we got there we're gonna
fuck it out of the blue yeah you would think what by a flame me I take it
out I'm gonna took my bag and I've had a cut it right in the
fuck hey and fuck them boom that's just what right on the
the shank this is the bug of our back. This guy fucking flip down. I said it's a fucking deal. That's fucking medicine, baby
How many times you invited Damien Lemon? He's never got Damien Lemon wants to come up
But they don't I don't I see the pattern it's pattern. Listen, I invite Keith. Yeah. I invite Keith
Marina. Uh, I've had a bunch of black people up. I
poured a regains up my house. I think, look, I'm also
further than you. And I'm, I'm a little, I think you
have a door. Sarah, you're 25. You can take a train to my
house and take a five minute,
literally eight minute Uber to my house or a taxi from white planes or
hardsteel station.
You're 25.
Yeah.
My words.
Yeah.
My nervous.
Yeah.
We had my party.
We had Omar and his wife.
I understand the two.
I understand it because they know like, are there going to be other?
More is the most.
Most of them have an issue with with our friends with like Keith.
I don't know. I think it's a guys in issue with our friends with like Keith.
I don't know.
I think that's a really good.
Not with your friends.
Listen, I really should.
My solid group of friends, look, I have, I have a bunch of groups of friends, but my,
you know, I got you guys of this group of friends, right?
Probably my contemporaries, you know, but I got Burr Keith, Norton, Voss,
Colin, that's my, that's my group of guys, you know, but we don't hang out as much anymore.
Just because we're all old fox, you know, they're a little older than me, thank God, but you know, we we don't hang out as much,
but now I have like a group of people that I invite over my house that are my friends that these are the guys and there's people on top of that too
You know what I mean?
But as I get older and I said do these parties more it's like that party that we did I
Invited a couple people and I was like I wish I didn't fucking put that out there
I wish I fucking held that back because I knew
Even if they could have made it they're're not coming. Ari, fucking grip.
I know.
Ari came up to my house too when he said he would.
Fucking Ari's the shit.
Yeah.
If I say Ari, he is no fucking bullshit.
Yeah, I'll come up.
And he comes, that's it.
No, I can't make it.
I love people like that.
No, he was so honest.
No, that's gray areas.
Ari was so honest, he goes listen,
Verzy, for me to be at your party tomorrow,
I gotta come up tonight after my spot.
So I'll drive up with you at midnight.
And we'll just I'll fucking go up there.
And he's like, that's the only way it'll work.
And he did it.
Yeah, he you can always count his hamburger.
So no, no truth to my theory then.
I think there is because me,
I know what you're saying.
Me Adrian, me Adrian, I pollute.
She and James goff, James goff's black
comic we're driving and we were in the fucking woods.
And he started going like, hey dude, I don't's black comic we're driving and we were in the fucking woods and he started going like
Hey, dude, I don't he started the woods though. You are in the woods. Yeah, I mean dude
I I drove up to your house. This was a gig though when I drove different, but yeah also the burning cross
Fucking the lake with the end of the con the grand wizard fucking
Yeah, okay with being up here, but that was over there burning
Smoking me a little nervous my fight. Yeah, me look look, you know, you know, my place is five minutes away from a Starbucks
Yeah, you know, they mean so and the train so I'm a little but your place is I remember when I drove to a place the first time
I was like fuck me. This is woods
This is out there
Fucking road and then you pull up to that street and you're like, mother, and then you're like, do go check out the back yard.
And I kept walking and walking and walking.
And you're like, dude, I kind of started running back
to the house because I walked too far out.
And like if something happened, I was just gonna go.
Like you have that fear as a city kid.
Like, where is the, you remember I've always,
I've asked you to, like, where is the closest hospital?
I've asked you those questions.
Yeah, it's hilarious.
So I can understand why black people might be a little like,
whoa, you know, it's a little out there.
Yeah, mine's a little,
I don't run into that that much,
but I think there is a fucking list now.
I have a fuck in my head, me and my wife have created good,
good, nah, fuck them, maybe.
Does that little, you know,
cause you don't wanna, here's the thing too.
You don't wanna waste the day.
I waste the day, but I, I, I,
I waste all that fucking good food.
It's not like we're doing hot dogs and you go to some,
like you said, we didn't bring this up.
Some people throw parties and it's fucking garbage.
Yeah.
There's no food.
It's shit.
They, they, they, cause they don't eat good.
They treat you like shit. Yeah. and now you know, it's like dude
Fuck you you live once it's half over you motherfucker. Yeah, don't I don't want to take my time away from my
I'll stay home. Yeah, I'll stay fucking home. Then you go over there and there's some like a fucking hot pocket suck my dick
Yeah, he's a bites. Yeah, you're my family. You leave you you can't breathe. Oh, my wife won't have you walking it.
You don't walk in the door.
You don't walk in my door.
I was leaving you house.
I thought you had something right?
Have you ever eaten?
I got up there.
I got up to my house probably 30 times.
Yeah, one time I got up and she fed me
even before you got home.
I wasn't home yet.
He got there before me and I come home.
And this fucking guy's got meat sauce and pasta
and he's just sitting at the table.
Buddy, I went up to you fucking house.
I was on my way out and then you broke over
a fucking nine foot sub.
Oh, everyone remembers that.
I killed that fucking anaconda.
You killed that anaconda.
I think you straddled it.
Fucking grow you.
And then you went to,
oh, there was still a hungry man.
I'm so hungry.
Oh, here's the funniest part.
I go home from my surprise birthday party.
I walk in my house. I walk up the stairs
Yannis comes out there. I see everyone come out of the surprise Bobby comes out
He's got a sausage and a cheese and he's chewing and he goes
And then you eat my wife's and my wife don't let don't tell her but this is fucking. Yeah, it was fucking
My mouth water right now.
Are you coming over this week?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Got the fucking sausage.
I told my grandma's, how's my sausage?
Pepper, my wife.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, she really, even if my grandmother passes away,
we're still going to meet my wife.
Oh, she is.
We had to make that decision.
How was you doing, by the way?
Well, my grandmother, I got the call last week.
She's going into hospice.
She's 95.
She got sick.
And I had a, you know, it was like, oh, shit,
I gotta go home.
You got that call.
Like, you should come home.
And then I was about to go home on Wednesday
and I called my aunt and she's like, look, you know,
hospice came yesterday late and they wouldn't put her on
because she's still eating.
By, you know what I mean? Good God bless her.
Well, I mean, it's good, but it's bad.
It's like good, but it's like, you know, she's 95.
She, you know, but my, they, they, my, my aunts and nurse.
So they, you know, they went in and she took her off all the meds that she's not,
she doesn't need anymore vitamins and all that.
She, you know, so it's kind of like hospice.
She did a little small version of that.
So then we had to go back in, we didn't have to go Wednesday and we went Sunday,
went in, everybody was there, a bunch of family members.
And then you know, saw her, she was great.
She lit up when I showed up.
That's great.
She, my, my grandmother was my mother.
Yeah.
You know, my, my grandmother, my mother was very young when she had us.
She was 15 when she had my sister.
What's really?
She was 18 when she had me.
Wow.
And I was Catholic home back then.
So you didn't get that you had to go away.
You had to go to a hospital and be there and nuns and all those crazy shit.
Yeah.
And then when she came out, my father was in Vietnam
and he was all fucked up when he came back.
So I think they got divorced, I don't know, some crazy.
It was bad.
So she had to move in with my grandmother
when she divorced my father,
when I was a little baby.
So I never saw my dad until later
and we lived in this house, you know,
and my grandfather was my father.
My five uncles were my fathers, you know,
but my grandfather and grandmother,
my grandmother was my mom.
I used to call him mom.
She's gonna talk me my values, you know,
holding the door for people,
even though it was a piece of shit,
and I became a drug addict,
and an alcoholic at a very young age because for whatever reasons
I remember one time I was I had a
Six pack of hyenas from the night before that I was told to take home from the older kids at the park
I hung out with older kids and they're like you take this home bring it to the park tomorrow
Everybody had to bring their own, you know like you had to bring some money or whatever we all contributed to the the greater good to get fucked up every day right you go steal you'd rob I go take stuff out of people's backyards and sell it to like people and you know and uh you know he did like you take this home bring it back tomorrow.
So I'm leaving my grandma's watching me so much I love my fucking grandmother. I'm walking out about I love you man I I'm going to get fucking plastered. I was like 13 or whatever 14 and she watches me. I go I sneak in get
the six pack high in the kids I'm walking out there in the bushes. She goes
Robert Robert Rob and I hear it but I keep going. She goes Robert Patrick Kelly
get back here in my tracks. I
Fuckin went pack. I was like what she goes put that down. I
Went fuck. I was like, okay, I put it down. She goes now be back by nine. I was like all right and I left I
Got a beating I got a because of six pack of hankin. We were drinking old Milwaukee's, you know
Hankins was the mother fucker, you know, I got a beat and I got a fucking because of six pack of Heineken. We were drinking old Milwaukee's, you know? Heineken's was the mother fucker, you know?
I got a beaten, I got a fucking crack in the head
from one of the older kids.
You fucking idiot, you pussy, you know?
Had to take a fucking whack, but it was my grandmother.
Yeah.
I couldn't walk away from her.
That's a fucking, that's a great story.
And I remember when I was in jail, one of the times,
and they had a crunch, they used to have, in Juvejo they jail. They never bed crunch and they'd pick somebody and be like, you know
You can go home if you can get it if you we can make a call right now
You get to go home and that was like hitting the lottery. You're in fucking juby jail
It was my second time being in I'm fucking they come in there. We got a bed crunch if you can go home
You you make a call I call called my fucking grandmother, who is my mom.
I slept on her pull out sofa,
more than I slept in a bed that I had in my house
with my mom, right?
And my mother made her say no.
Really?
I was on the phone and she's like, Bobby, I can't.
And I was like, but I get to go right now.
They'll let me come home. All you have to do is say you'll take me just send one of my uncles up to get me.
And they'll let me go. I can get out of jail right now, my Bobby.
I, your mother, and I was like, forget about it.
Please, I can get out. I'm gonna have to do three more months.
I can't. your mother said no.
Dude, they took my shoelaces away. They took my fucking, they had to sleep on the floor,
on a fireproof mattress,
cause I was gonna fucking murder somebody.
I was just so, yeah, that night,
I remember I was crying in my bed,
and the lady came out and I was crying.
I mean, fuck, you know, cause I was fucking my grandmother just fucking rejected me.
Everybody else is fucking rejected me.
Now, I was crying.
And the lady came out, she's like, Robert, what's wrong?
And I was like, nothing.
And I just sucked, I just ate it.
I just went fucking gush.
You know, and it was terrible.
But, you know, and uh, yeah, it was terrible. But you know, she was, uh, a fun podcast.
We made some break through.
I was more cheerful.
We made some break through.
So we'll pick it up next week.
Yeah.
So I mean, look at I, she might be gone.
It's a good one.
It's getting.
Thank you, Mike.
He pulls it.
It was a good one, but it's not for the fans.
They're listening.
Stop being so insecure. But the honest was being a therapist that we're out of time
A lot of people you need this like what do you know? What are the dummies just want jokes? It's a guy
No, no, I look at me and look at them
I have these people with dummies that listen to us
It's fucking more not
Not in that half, but you know that man, you know you invited me your house
Much of do it out I loved it if she if she that we've already talked if she passes away
I love it, but we're gonna come up. Here's your grandma. I'm doing
She's the best
have any hinders, he's still around. Hopefully.
I'm not a good one, it's gonna pass over, I know, right?
I'm sorry, me and Virgil are connecting,
you fucking, what are you doing?
We're punching up your emotions.
What the fuck?
Oh shit.
I'm sitting here fucking locked in, these guys are
thinking of call backs.
I'm fucking saying, this whole life, you know why?
You know why?
You know why?
We have fucking kids. We're connected emotionally to another human being, Why? You know why? You know why? You know why? You know why?
We have fucking kids.
We're connected emotionally to another human being, other than mirrors and sneakers.
That's a good way to do it.
That's a good way to do it.
That's a good way to do it.
That's a fucking heavy.
Try living or training a story.
So things are going well for me too.
Wow.
You have a very famous roommate.
None of us can fuck get a return phone call from. Well, he has billions. Yeah. I was going to do another good one, you have a very famous roommate. None of us can fuck get a return phone call from.
Well, he has billions.
Yeah.
I was another good one, you know.
I have thousands.
Let's show another show.
I know.
I was really.
Fucking hope you choke on fucking.
Um, now guys, this has been a great podcast.
Seriously, my grandmother, God bless.
Right.
Love it.
And hopefully she can be around for six more months.
Yeah, do you remember her?
God will it.
A year, no.
Well, no, it's like you carried away.
She's fucking 95.
She's been eating one piece of fucking banana.
Dude, I just thought.
What but she tried my banana.
I'm not a lover.
I'm not a lover.
I'll bring her right up to blinding to her.
I'm sat in the right up.
Can this also sort of leany?
It's a bill. This is
Dude, that's a long my grandmother just
99 she just her night should my grandfather's 93
99 is fucking that's in 95 to man. He fucking sign up for that right?
I'd like to say that generation
That's a generous I that generation of people are just solid. Yeah, they fucking and they didn't
smoke never chase the animals. My grandfather smokes a guy's with a machete my grandfather would shoot at
Anna my he smokes a guy's guys pipes and bourbon. So fucking life. You're you dad's 89 smoke cigarettes smoke cigarettes for like 40 years 45 years
How old is how they 89 dude that generation? Yeah, they were tougher people. They fucking his generation coming up now
My grandfather's 93 is the happiest man in the world. Yeah, think about the generation different those they would smoke lucky strikes and Paul
More non filters and we got vapes
Strikes and Paul mall non filters and we got vapes
Get the oil fucking popcorn long all the shit that these kids did don't they got all the
You can't have peanuts. You can't have carrots. You can't do anything with these fucking kids You can't go to school with the snag. You can't have peanut butter sandwiches anymore
And fucking school because of some fucking shit kid
Might touch a desk that my kid who loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
Was sitting at and then you fucking take out somebody's kid with a sandwich. That's only in certain places though
Back in Mikey's hometown youngstown
They still made a nails out there aren't they?
Walk into the school they wipe you by the box before
school they wipe people by the box before
had taken by the Spine
B.J. before you get in you had the
wrestle your way out of the
you wrestle your way out.
Tough town young style.
A lot of great fighters out of
there. Who's a who's a boom boom
man singing?
Man, it's my guy man.
That was a favorite guy growing up.
And who's got a Kelly Pavik?
Kelly Pavik.
And was there another one?
I think they were having a
Pavik.
He retired. Yeah. yeah, he gets a belt
And yeah, he wanted he did the big fight coming up next. I'll great was a fight though
I know is another guy are you guys doing that can I love versus triple G? I mean, I would I would fucking boxing fan
We should do that. You want to do that? Uh was that the 16th 16th? I think Saturday. you know, I love Polly Melon, I see off What's great? I love
I love what you said that the way she said that
Yeah, he's fucking hilarious. He's great. He's phenomenal. He's fucking hilarious. But he was a good fighter. Yeah, he was good
World champion. Yeah, he didn't have any
No, you didn't have any one title. Yeah, he did. He was a two time, but he didn't have any punching. No punch, but he knew that
But he knew that he was career too long
Is what happened? I retired it like the right time. He got some
She loves them. What podcast were you listening?
I don't want to be with my nausea
You know more as much as I know about fucking anaconda
That's gonna be a
Triple G canola fight is gonna be a fucking and by the way, I thought about that McGregor
Mayweather I thought about it and the more I think about it and watched it he I think
Mayweather let him do it. He did it. Mayweather destroy if you go back and he wasn't
hitting him. It was entertaining. We had a fun night. We had a great time. Yeah, it was
the best version. I had a best time. Yeah, but everybody what they're doing now is like dude He's like no shit
Look I made a I lost 400 bucks betting on that fucking mech you bet on he was gonna win
No wonder why you were yeah, you didn't tell me that you bet on you bet on 400
Why would you do that 50 here 25?
I bet because it was fun to bet 25, cause everybody was like,
here's the, everybody's like, it's fucked,
it's never gonna happen.
Go to Lenny and then, and I'm like, you know what,
I'll bet you 25 bucks, Michael Che,
blah blah blah, he's the greatest,
I'll bet you 50 bucks, let's do it,
because okay, I'm gonna lose the money,
but it's not 100 here, it's not 100 each,
it's 50 here, 25 there, it's nickels and dimes, right? But if he won, you know, fucking great that would have been
if he fucking knocked that cock sucker out in the second round and to collect that money
from Chey and Lenny Marcus and fucking your money. You and I got that money from Chey.
You and I got the money from Chey. What do you mean? Because he still owes me a fucking
hundred dollars. Oh, he does. Well, good. Let's put that on the fucking tap. I'll tell him we he'll get his money when he
pays you. I like that logic. Wouldn't it make great. But then we did another bad afternoon.
I don't know what the fuck at what? I said wouldn't it have been great if but it didn't happen.
It wasn't close to happening. Hey, but here's the thing. You never know. It made it exciting
for me to make those dumb bets because I'm watching it like fuck. What if he, whoo, and of course
he didn't. But I feel like that's a lot of Irish pride
And I also disagree some Irish maybe yeah, maybe I also that you fucking I'm not saying it's wrong with it
I'm pointing it out. I also disagree with people saying that like the boxing took a bit like the UFC took a bit like
It's it's worse for boxing boxing showed that it's a different fucking game show and to and to last longer because kind of a
Gregor's 29 years old okay Floyd May was almost 40 fucking years old and McGregor because kind of a Greg is 29 years old. Okay, Floyd May was almost 40
fucking years old and McGregor ran out of fucking steam. They were saying it's a win for you,
FC. That's right. I think everybody won. I think everybody won, but I think it showed that boxing is
its own fucking beautiful art. It's fucking. It's another level. It really is another level. It gets
shit on a lot. It gets you know, read it. It's not a shit because it's boring. I know. I know.
Shit on a lot it gets you know
Wait a second they don't make the match
Hey No
Fuck I'll kill everyone's soul in here. I'm fucking Louis
I'm not fucking right. I'll stay calm kill you on my fucking Louis. Louis relax. Fuck you, Bobby
Fuck you. Hey, chill out. You got weed. Okay. Cool. Sorry. You just told him to relax. He just fucking talk it relax
Come at me bro. Come at me. I'll fucking choke you out. I'll let you middle for me.
You got weight.
Listen, no, but I think he's right. And he's right.
I think they listen, they did so much fucked up shit.
They got caught so much horse shit in the 90s and early 2000s.
They never put the fights together. We wanted to see.
And then here comes the UFC that made the fights happen.
And with the UFC, which is,
you can actually bet for both guys.
With the boxing, you're picking one guy or the other,
pretty much.
You know what, that's why my friend says,
I never talked about boxing anymore,
because he said it's the most filthy sport.
And I get that.
I think I think that,
and I like how Dana White makes the best guys
have to fight the best guys,
and there's something big every month.
That's actually great not to cut you off,
but he's also not paying them. So you make much more in boxing because they're individual promotions.
Yeah, because it's more of a league. Okay. And to build this league up to make it something he had,
they had to make it that way, like a football team type thing. So they couldn't do the boxing.
They will want to guys make all the fucking. I agree. I agree that. So now you got a guy who can come in
who and make a living at fighting,
not, the thing, the trick is everybody wants to be,
like it's like fucking this.
Everybody wants to be Louis CK or Burr
and fucking be the top motherfucker.
A lot of guys are never gonna be that guy,
but they're gonna make a great living,
a lot of money enjoy their lives and retire
and have fucking, their kids are gonna go to college,
blah, blah, blah.
You might not be fucking Adam Sandler,
but you might be my fucking Vecchio.
Yeah, but the profits that they're making
is through, they're making fucking huge amounts of money.
They could pay their fighters a little bit better.
It has got to be some kind of a bit between.
It will, but that's out there.
They're fighters are in the other place. For kind's how they their fighters for kind of a Gregor for kind of a Gregor the card
for kind of a Gregor to only make three million dollars on his biggest fight in UFC and then go
to boxing and make a hundred and one it's crazy. And they are robbing. But I think it's all going
to change now because you're not getting the pay per view. You know, the pay per view of buys
and he made more than three million by the way, way more pay-per-view was number.
His DS-2 was fifth of all-time pay-per-views ever.
This was number one.
He should have made a lot more money than that.
No, but I guaranteed he made a lot more money.
But that's why he told Day and Away,
fuck you, I'm not sh-
I'm not sh-
I'm not sh-
I'm not sh-
I'm not sh-
I'm not sh-
I'm not sh-
I'm not sh-
I'm not sh- I'm not sh- I'm not sh- I'm not sh- I'm not sh- on your press tour. That's why he said, he was, you want me to go on his press tour on the face of your fucking company. Yeah.
And that guy's the face of the guy.
What about the other guys who are fighting on these cards
who are fucking popular, but they're not him.
They're killing themselves.
John Jones is fucking,
if this test does 80 million.
Yeah.
80 million.
I don't think Nick Diaz got the fucking do.
He deserved for the way that he went.
Like that, but that guy, look at,
Nick Diaz and Nick Diaz are two of the most exciting awesome fighters ever
I love them, but they didn't you're gonna talk about Connum Greger sold the fights Connum Greger got the buys
Put the asses in the seats now. There's a lot of comics that we know aren't funny, but are fucking selling out arenas
Let's talk about some do-it-outs.
Time to put this away.
You're talking about do-it-out.
Bursy got a little whisky.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Yeah, shut the fuck up.
Shop for shops.
You name one on name.
Let's do a couple of do-it-outs on and off stage.
Let's go.
May have fucking Burzy did that in my shed one night
with some bats.
We did that fucking Netflix. How long can you last?
Last a lot
That was a lot we were like done verzy fucking all the
Go with credits roll fucking lights come on
Don't fuck that that's fake that was put in there. You know who with the big which words. Let's go
Hi you guys ver versus what he got
Oh with Yani, uh, Borgata. Yeah doing for it with
We'll be at the Borgata September 29th last me honest, and I think they got a couple of other comics to do it last weekend
It's me you
Matt Prussard. Yeah, and somebody else Damien lemon. I can't remember the four. I love who's doing it. Me, honest, Matt Prussard, and I think Damien Lemon or someone
we're doing the Borgada on one night only on September 29th. What's his name? Was who booked
that with? Mizzily. Love Mizzily. How great of Mizzily. Mizzily is great. Yeah, and also check
out the Versa effect podcast and you could check me out on Twitter. They just gave me my,
I usually do one day a year at Gotham. They just gave it to me. It's literally Christmas week.
Oh yeah, I kind of freaked me out.
Why, that's good.
Yeah, you're home.
Yeah.
So you're not away from the family,
you go down the fucking high, 30 minutes.
Yeah, that's something big.
I don't do, and everyone's home.
It's gonna be dead.
No, it's not.
It'll be cool, you're,
if it's between Christmas and New Year's,
that week are the will.
I don't attack me, right?
I'm not gonna talk to my friends. No, you'll be all right.
Um, what are we going to do this Westchester thing?
What are we going to do?
It's a real talk.
We got to do it.
Rich field.
We're going to talk to the lady.
We're going to do rich field.
We're going to do, uh, Terry, Terry, Terry, Tom.
One of the two.
Uh, yeah, holiday show.
I don't know either one.
I like Terry, Tom, but rich feels nice.
I love the girls at rich field.
Rich field is literally five minutes from my house
And we could go to my house after a small bath and you know what I told them I told them that I was thinking about doing the special there
Yeah, but I I decided not to so I make it up to them that way. Yeah, let's do it. I'm not sure that fucker
You well, I did it for a reason something happened. All right. Something happened where she wanted me to do about day after
All right, so you got that gig go see them what a killer show that is. Oh, yeah, it's good. What else you got?
Well, I just want to talk about this guy. You got a guy here. Yeah, we haven't even mentioned this guy
He's from fucking a story of Queens is in New York
We're gonna get to him at the end. I get to them at the end. Oh, I just want to know is your plug
He's plugging him
Is that we want to plug you want me to waste your plug. He's plugging him. Is that we want to plug? You want me to waste your plug?
Well, not that it's a waste. Come see me at the book.
God come see me at the book. God buy my album. Let me be honest.
Just buy it. Yeah. That's it. That's a great name. Are you doing the other
cat? I still see these. Are they old ones are new? What are you doing?
I'm still doing the characters. This video is I'm starting podcasts with
both of them. So how do you do that? That's great. Yeah.
Just great idea. What do you as manager? That's great. Yeah, just great idea.
What do you as manager?
No.
I'm as yes man.
I'm one of his yes men that he keeps around.
I'm unbelievable, young.
That's great.
Keep up the great work.
Keep up the great work, dude.
That's too quick, right?
What do you mean you're doing twice?
I'm doing a podcast for more recent and podcast
or partners.
Not the same time.
Not the same time. I was gonna say how would you do that?
That'd be interesting. Yeah, no, they could if they if you
Wow, that'd be interesting if you do that not if you can use puppets
I can use puppets like it all right. There you go. We we're doing these podcasts
Lewis Jay Gomez's cash digital
Productions oh really? Yeah, the fuck what are you trader?
well, what I mean he at he yeah Lord knows right Digital productions. Oh really? Yeah, the fuck what are you trader?
What I mean he at he yeah Lord knows right
Lewis Lewis brought the idea up to meet months and months ago. I didn't want to do it. Yeah, and then I
Never brought the idea to Mauricio here. No, he never did. Oh, all right
You need never did I have fun over that. No, but you never did I know I'm kidding. No, it's great They got a new studio coming out. They got a new studio Ralph's a great guy. Yeah, it's great. That we're yeah, it's perfect for those
Those two shows to it's great. What do you got anything else?
That's it. Just check my dates on my website and buy my album. Great. Yeah. Oh fucking cool. You get it the end
So rough and fucking aggressive and easy my mouth. I'm a
What do you got? I'm sad fucking great shoulders
Thank you. Don't forget to tell about a kid is doing good in young stuff right now
You want to check out this 145 pounder?
He's really crushed it in the high school ranks.
I'm always sweating because of my steroids.
What do you got?
I'm at Comic Mike V and I'll be in LA next week at Tuesday and Wednesday at Comedy Magic
Club.
You do a magic now?
Yeah.
I'm great with it if you're angry.
I'm just saying, angry decision.
I look at my hand.
Can we get Gina's credits?
I mean, what's Gina up to?
What's she going to credit there?
Oh, yeah.
I got plenty of leftovers.
I said, just come over.
It's plenty in the refrigerator.
Gina's not here.
Where's Gina?
He said that Jim blow in our trunk.
Just come over when you get a chance. Where does he do legs?
And then it came back but he said oh god I forgot that the tries and I was happy cuz he didn't hit me today
But he's off his cycle he's cycling from He's been
Needle and I'm so pretty good going to long island
What do I got Baba what do I got all righty here we go?
Jesus, oh my God.
Thank you.
Oh my God.
Once the fast is internet in the world coming.
I don't know, but it would be great if you just had it up.
Sorry, 15th and the 16th of September,
you'll see it's bug-a-bling the internet.
You never take a head.
Just go, yeah, I should have had it up.
I know, I should have.
Stop listening to you fucking vert-looking,
dirty thighs. Fucking look at it. I just, I should have stopped listening to you fucking vert looking for your eyes.
Fucking look at it.
I just can I just unzip you back suit.
It's down enough.
That's all I want.
I got fucking jeans.
I'm right next to me now.
This week, what do we got?
Helium comic club, the 15th and 16th,
I'm up in Buffalo, which I'm excited.
I haven't been up there in a while.
So come check it out, retweet anything I put out there.
If you're coming to Buffalo, spread the word.
Tell everybody, bring a lot of people.
We got the Pizza Party podcast, the 22nd,
and Providence, Rhode Island, Janus Popus, Chris Scopo,
and who else?
Paul Berzy.
No?
No, Paul Cancelter.
Oh, you're replacing me. Yeah, he's for place. We got
What I got
Ari no
Ian Ian, okay
Ian, oh Ian in finance is great. He's coming. It's gonna be Chris go bow and y'all I didn't cancel
I mean I think cancel why he kind of I think I called you up like a gentleman. I called you up like a gentleman. I told you to do what did you do?
What do you do? What do you mean I called you up like a gentleman? I told you the situation said dude. I got I
Yeah, but that's canceling no, but I asked you I said if you don't want me to do you good? No you canceled in a good way
It's but you canceled what do you mean you need a cancel? That's I don't take that
Wait a minute. It's not a call it.
I called. They give it a name then.
I I I I rescheduled some.
No, you're not a rescheduled.
Reschedule means you're back on a schedule.
You're not. You had a gig.
We changed it. No, we didn't change it.
You didn't change it. You ended it.
You ended it. You canceled.
I you know, I called you. What did I do though? But you did the right thing. I you know I called you what did I do though, buddy?
You did the right thing. I'm not saying right bad. I'm fine with it. I told you you told me whatever you want
I said go do that go cancel it
You canceled
September 23rd year at the summer of the whole theater in Boston
to your at the summer of the whole theater in Boston. Ah, fucking person.
Yes, I am at the summer of theater in Boston
for the Boston Comedy Festival.
That is the 23rd, I am accepting comic of the year award.
I will not do in comedy that night.
They asked me, do you want to do stand up?
Before you get the award, wow,
because they have the competition,
and then they present the award while they're
tallying up who won the competition and then they present the award while they're tallying up who won the competition. And I go, no, because if I bomb before you hand me the award
for comic of the year, that is going to be the most fucked up shit ever in comedy. So I said,
I'll just accept it. Now make a little speech. And maybe I might do a podcast and you know what dude up there that week.
Um.
Side split comedy.
Oh, I can't wait.
28, 39, 30.
I get to see my call to punchline Philly.
Oh, my favorite.
The love fucking Philly.
You guys better show up.
The club is beautiful, awesome, amazing brand new club punchline and Philly
It's it's unbelievable the manager there's one of my favorites and then I'm doing Tacoma
Washington first time up there laughing up Pekipsey tree house. I'm doing Benning Bennington art center and Berlin
Bennington from mine. I don't even know what Bennington center for arts Bennington Vermont. I got a lot of gigs
I have a lot of shows
Look at all this look at all this buddy up to February up to February
So make sure you go to robbercatalive.com check out all my dates spread the word. Here's how you do it guys
Retweet if you're a fan of the show if you listen to the show
You see these dates up there. We try not to fucking pumble you with this shit
We we give you a bunch of stuff and then we put our things out there.
You see Yannis out there with Verzy and they tweet something about the show.
Retweet it, share it, like it.
Send it to your friends.
Mike, he's got gigs, something he's doing, his album.
He's going to be on TV, which he is all the time.
Retweet it, me same thing.
Retweet, share share like all that stuff
I'm email us at what kwd producer or I kiss calm. Please email us if you have anything to say you got dick picks for Lauren, please
I'm kidding don't do that. Oh god forget
You want to send me anything?
All the stuff behind us which we have you can send me anything? All the stuff behind us, which we have, you can send me whatever.
You want to send anything to the studio, please.
117 McDougall Street, Comedy Cellar,
Tencent Robert Kelly, New York, New York, 10023.
That's it, right there.
That's the address you want to be a live member of the studio.
Yep, you could still email me at YKWDproducer at rykest.com
and just subject it fan
Yeah, yeah anytime and especially the night ones that we should why don't we get anybody in this time?
Um, we didn't get any for this week, but we announced it. Yeah, it's oh, I always say it. Okay
All right, so Lauren you're the best you're in a better mood now, right? Yeah, I'm in a great mood
I was always in a great mood. She was and I made fun of her neck thing and she fucking got mad at me
It was always in a great mood. She was and I made fun of her neck thing
and she fucking got mad at me.
I love you, Bob.
Chip is a Monday night live chip.
Yeah.
Gonna be great.
Everyone.
The biggest show on the network is a guy that doesn't exist.
Yeah, that's what Lewis is hoping for. Forbles. Yeah, to fucking just take over the gas.
There's a small teeth back. We're gonna go smoke batch fellas. What do you got?
I'm Requiem Audio at Requiem Audio. And I'll be over in the story of Queens,
open up on your cafe. I'm happy with a great guy from a story. That's it.
Zach the new guy from no, but I'm gonna make a Twitter and those acting you guys
I know Zach the new guy. Love it. Love it. He is fucking rockin the video
He's these two guys right here making this video happen for you guys everything's twisted clear the low everything's happening here We got a bunch of stuff. I'm having a meeting tomorrow morning
We're switching a bunch of stuff up here
Things are starting to happen with this show this show and myself
So I want to thank you fans. You're amazing. I love you to death. Lauren. What do you got just that Lauren?
Coobera. All right the fun and follow us on the YKWD Facebook Twitter and Instagram all of it click it share it like it love it
You know what dude? Thanks
click it, share it like it, love it. You know what, dude? Thanks.
You've been listening to YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening.
Now go back to your shitty jobs.
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