Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Storm Realm | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #14

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder join forces and discuss the most trouble they got in as a child, what pet Luis should get, whether or not they should try to become storm chasers, and so much more. Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkelly... Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ Thanks to @johng.wav on Instagram for the intro music. SPONSORS Zippix https://zippixtoothpicks.com/ Use promo code: REGZ for 10% off! Small Batch Cigars  https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/ Use code REGZ for 10% plus 5% rewards points Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. Welcome to the regs. We got Joe List, Dan Soda, Louis J. Gomez. We're back. We're live. We're live. We're not live. We're not live. Yeah, we are. We can't go live. This is on the air right now. It is not. Black children. We need a minute. We need a minute. Dude. What? You said black children? Yeah, that's more racist. What is that?

What about them? They're awesome. Yeah, they are awesome. I just felt edgy. To eat. No. What? No, black pussy is good to eat.

Yeah. That's my topic. I got the best topic. Are we going right into the topic? No, no, no. I'm just letting you know. Busted. Are they busted? Yeah, you can't hear out the right side. Your face is busted. Put them in the other port. You're busted!

What moving? Well, you don't have to fucking break them. No, no, no. Don't break them even more. Have him fix it. Damn, why are you out of breath? Because I ran up the fourth, you know the Fourth Avenue, the Fourth Street stop stairs from the F train all the way up. Ran up those, came back down, then ran up the stairs here. I'm out of shape. That is one 30th the size of the Rocky Steps.

Yeah, I don't run the Rocky Steps. One 30th. One 30th. That's not one 30th. One 30th. That is absolutely off. That's my topic. The size of the Rocky Steps compared to other steps.

Yeah, he did 12 steps. I like this whole gray sweatpants thing. You look like you're running this thing. Joe trying to show off that cock. Yeah, dude, you definitely. Gray sweatpants. I got a nice meaty cock. Hey, you don't want my shit.

Stand up, stand up. I wanna see your cock in your sweatpants. Let's see it. Is it nice? No, no, no, Joe, let me see. Cause the gray sweatpants show off your cock. I don't need it. Oh, your cock is pathetic, dude.

You do not wanna wear gray sweatpants. No, I. I don't need it. Oh, your cock is pathetic, dude. You do not want to wear gray sweatpants. No, I got, what do you call it? What's the... Small collar. Sheath underwear. Sheath underwear. Dan, you've seen my cock. Tell the boys.

When it's inflated, it's pretty good. I don't know about... I will say sheath does not allow the dangle that you want. You want a good dangle. Sheath flattens mine to where I have a flat, pussy-like structure. You have a platypus dick? Is that the ad that gives you a flat pussy have a flat pussy-like structure. You're a platypus dick? Is that the ad?

It gives you a flat pussy? A flat pussy-like dick. Speaking of pussy-like, how you doing, Bob? I'm hot today. I'm out of breath, but he's firing. Yeah. Wait, what was I going to say about sheath underwear or sweatpants? You're the only one that hasn't seen my dick.

Let me see it. Let him see it. Not now. It's like the littlest right now. No, like this. Pull your... You got to come over to hasn't seen my dick. Let me see it. Let him see it. I can't right now. Come here. It's like the littlest right now. No, like this. Pull your... You got to come over to me and just pull it forward.

Oh yeah, you want to take a look down? I want to look down. No. It's all bush. You wouldn't see anything. Well, you got to pump it up a little. Go get it going. I got to flub it.

Yeah. Flap it. Danny, suck Joe off. Oh, Autistic Blowjob. I bet it'd be incredible. I bet it'd be great. I bet it'd be great. I bet you'd be like, I'm not gay, but this is incredible. Did everyone come up with the best band name you can in the next three seconds? I got Autistic

Blowjob. Sticky Dicks. I can't say it. You know what I was going to say. I can't say it. The Dan Soder Experience. Wow. What a fucking queer. Come on Improv Games. Louis, three, two. He wants to say the N word so bad, You're just watching him stop him from saying the

n-word. Out of curiosity, what the f*** are you saying? Natalie. You always wonder if there's a black guy walking by going, what the f***? There's people that work downstairs that are black. It's so dumb. Why can't you say that word? It's so stupid. No, we'll stop doing this. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. It's so dumb.

You know why and you're just being a... You know why. You're being a... No, I know. No, I don't. Why do you think you should be able to? Because it's just sounds. It's just sounds. I agree with Louis, but you shouldn't be able to scream it

while looking up and having both hands in the rock and roll. I think that's the only way you should be able to say it. You should be able to give the Sufis while you're screaming. I think Lewis is on to something. Black people go, hey man, that was actually pretty rock and roll. Hey, the way you did it. The white guy? The way you did it? I like the way you did that shit. That's a good band name. My buddy Matt Wayne and I came up with Fat Governor. And here's how we came up with it. We were walking one time we saw Chris Christie in the airport and I said remember that time we were here we saw a fat the fat governor and he's like I don't and he thought I meant a band. Could you. He thought I meant a band called that

was everyone here in a band at one point in their life. No even elementary school you weren't never a band never had the band. Boys, I've got an idea for you. Everyone starts a band in the fourth grade, and somebody is the manager. Somebody is like, there's three drummers. Actually. You were the manager of a band. No, no, no.

Singer? I think I was the Danager. That's good. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. No. Too liberal of a Joe call on that one. Danager? Danager?

I didn't mind Danager? Danager? I didn't mind Danager. I'm trying to get the juices. Yeah. Just trying to spit on it a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Get it going. Yeah.

Lewis is the plumber of the reds. Yeah, he's uncorking the pipes. Oh, the AC's going by the way. Oh, it's nice. You know why I just tell you why it wasn't working last week? Why? This fucking piece of shit, Matt. Which one, you pointed out all of them.

Your son didn't turn it on. Not that one. Oh, I'm so, it makes me sick his name is not on. That is a sucker when your kid has the same name as someone that you're mad at. Didn't turn it on. So that's why it was so hard. He turned the fan on.

The fan. Wim was killed Keith Robinson because of this fucking autistic asshole. This feels great in here. Oh, I see what happened. The fan on the almost killed Keith Robinson because of this fucking autistic asshole. This feels great in here. Oh, I see what happened. The fan on the air conditioning. Yeah. He's a fucking moron.

What did you think I meant? I thought if there was a fan that he turned on and nobody noticed that it was just a fan oscillating in the room. No, no. He fucking turned the fan on last week. And then today I called him. I go, did you turn the AC on?

I will. What? And I go, put it on cold. It's on now. I go, put it on high AC on? I will. What? And I go put it on cold, it's on now. I go put it on high, click, click, okay. I had to fucking tell him, today. That's insane. Salty Black Flower was your band.

Salty Black Flower. What was your band? Black Flower was one word. B-L-A-C-K-F-L-O-U-R. What, what, what, what, what? So it was like, Joe doesn't wanna hear my story. Joe's ready to go with his own story. No, I'm listening.

That's on Dan. I mean, I'm watching Dan. Dan literally asked what was your band name, and he's staring at me with his mouth open, so I'm getting ready to respond to him. This is on Dan, not me. I'm in the middle of a sentence. And Dan asked me a question, and he's staring at me.

It was Dan. He's literally looking at me, waiting for a response. Who said it? It's 100% on Dan. Someone's in trouble. This is outrageous. It was Dan. I want to hear your story. Believe me.

Uh oh. Dan's creating rifts between everyone. And he's such a boy. He was like looking, literally with his mouth agape, like, what's your band name? I felt bad leaving him hanging like his dad Too thin hands slapping me Sorry, we don't have your meaty sausage fingers. I don't have meaty. I've just had man hands. No you don't all right It's not a story that it was salty black fly black. You said you were in the middle of a story.

You just said I'm in the middle of a story and Joe's. Stop yelling, let him fucking tell his story. Are you on steroids? Yeah. Are you on steroids? You need steroids for your story. Oh, he spilled the coffee.

He spilled every one of them. He used the bomb down and the mopped it up. You need steroids. You need steroids. You need a better premise than. To tell better stories. I need store. Bluejay. That was good.

Joe. Joe. Joe. But you fucking bitched us out of it. That's what you did. You got the juices going and then you're like, do, do. And now we're nervous. I'm a Joe chant accountant. You didn't have that

in your bank account. I'm letting you know when you have enough to spend on a Joe chant. You didn't have it then. You have enough now? Yeah. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Another round of coffee for me and the boys. Honestly, why don't you just bring two? No, because they cooled down. Because they get cooled down and then you complain about that. Buy a microwave. Wait, but Dan has a full coffee. Don't worry about that. You want a microwave? A microwave is probably $30.

We have a microwave. Here? No, at my house. I'm going to be honest. I have an extra microwave. I'll donate my extra microwave to the Reg Studio. It doesn't matter, guys. He's taking it out of the money.

Are you out of your mind? I'm not taking anything out of the money. Do you think this fucking Jew is allowing us? What fucking money, by the way? Yeah, we're not getting money. money by the way yeah we're not getting what money no we're making we don't have any money we're making money we've never made a stories about you owe us money. I don't owe you nothing. Your girl.

Nothing. Your girl. I owe you nothing. Owe us money. What girl? What girl? What girl? Whatever girl sells ads on your side.

What? What? Well Fanny, she sends you your money. It's all individual. The only person I've gotten money from. You got your own shit. That's not true, you got paid off from Sheath. I didn't get paid. Sheath. The only person that's got money from the company. You got your own shit. That's not true. You got paid off from Sheath. I didn't get paid.

Sheath. We don't know how much money we're getting. We're here for the fun, right? Can I say? What? You guys gotta be in charge of your own accounting. Yeah, fuck off. You're like one of these comedy clubs.

I don't give a shit. I don't want to name the comedy club, but there's a comedy club in New York City. No, no, no. We said no more doing that. That new rule. No more business. no more not naming names If you're gonna Not even a year in the

Body so warm when you started working there no one would say hey by the way, this is paid You got to go to the bar. So I worked there for like a year. That's crazy. With no one telling me. I was such an alcoholic. I was picking up your pay. What? I was going, Joe said give it to me. He's kidding.

Oh, I didn't. It's hard to tell because it wasn't funny. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. You know who pays shitty in LA, the Laugh Factory? They pay like $12 a set. $12 a set. It's still the same. I went to get my get my they go we got a bunch of checks for you I went in it was a hundred and fourteen dollars. How many checks it was 75?

So does that mean they handed Kramer 12 bucks? You know pays great the store yeah store pays fucking great Improv space I love the improv pays fucking nice improv gives you a juicy I've worked there and they've given me nice nice fat Chunk of change. Yeah Let's all go to LA. Oh this brings me to my top. I got a topic You want to hear my topic You get the first topic well Yeah, but who says you?

Well, it leads into what we're talking about. How do we know? Why are we doing the topics now? We just started. All right, I'll save it. But your shit is going to be, like, your asshole's going to blow out all the stuff that's in there. Well, hold on.

You're setting yourself up to fail, because right now you're saying it's going to be so good that it might not even be. My topic sucks. My topic sucks, Dick. Same here. I don't like my topic, Joe. My topic sucks. My topic sucks, Dick. Same here. I don't like my topic, Joe. My topic's amazing.

Go ahead. My topic is going to be. I don't have a topic. Let the boy cook. Why do we have a topic? I don't know, I hate it. Because when we do no direction, no topics, at 43 minutes we all go, so...

Yeah, that's what we do. Comedy. And then somebody says something stupid, and then we go for another hour. I was in the airport the other day. Go ahead, what's your amazing topic? Did you? I see baby reindeer. Here's my impression of you. We talked about it on three shows. We do the show once every two weeks. It's been the only topic. All right. You want to hear my topic? Maybe you stop jerking off

your coffee. It's going to explode. Wait, question, question, question. Yes. Can we first before we get just try to guess my topic? No. Okay. Suck each other off? Because we were supposed to send the topics to the producers, I did not send the topics. I didn't either, because that's stupid. Why does he get to, because he wants to pull stuff up.

That's fine. Whoever the fuck that was, by the way, don't ever fucking suggest anything. What do you, what, what? What are you talking about? It was Danny. Danny, never make a suggestion. You told him to suggest, you told him to suggest stuff.

Don't make me use his name again, that pissed me off. Maybe just say his fucking name. How do you think, it's my name. You're Dan. You're not Danny. Every time you sign your name it hurts a little. When I'm cute I'm Danny. Danny.

Why don't we whisper it in Danny's ear each time? I'm not whispering in that man's ear. Stop it. I don't want to go near his ear. He's autistic, he'll lick my face. Don't breathe all over my arm. I have two suggestions. Don't start smashing people in the face

when you go near his ear. Yeah, dude, he's like Warren from Something About Mary. Yeah. Ah! Not in my arm. I have two suggestions. He'll start smashing people in the face when you go near his ears. Yeah, he's like Warren from Something About Mary. Yeah. Now my big ball. About ten times. I have two suggestions. Warren, peace. Two suggestions. Why is your middle finger? He's on the fritz. We can say why is my middle finger longer than my pointer finger? Were you in the pool today? No, his finger was that.

That was finger and dawn. Finger and dawn? That was fingered that. I was fingering Dawn. What? You were fingering Dawn? I was fingering Dawn. Is that real? Fucking piece of shit? For fun. For a long time. No, no, no, no, no.

Come on. Clean it up. And she was moist. Now I know you weren't fingering her. I got calluses. Nobody can fucking get that thing moist. Dude, my skin is peeled back like it was sand in it. Dude, my suggestions are this.

We whisper our topics in one of the- Did you take a public speaking course? Because you talk like AOC with your stupid hands. Yeah, but he ain't got them titties like AOC. Yeah, he does. He's got nice titties. Did I tell you I did that to James? I had my shirt off and I pushed my breasts together, and then he looked down and he went,

and he was like, like dad never do that again told that on the last episode whisper in our ears before you go and say what you said did I tell you you said did I tell you this Joe I understand why people don't like you now Joe people like Joe trying to get it now. People like Joe. I never understood. I was like who doesn't like Joe? And they're like oh wait that's what it is. They see that. You said. I see it. Did I tell you this? And I said yes you told us. You told a hundred thousand people.

Does he always bring up old shit like a chick? I'm sorry I won't answer your questions anymore. No let me tell you. Don't get it. Please. Two things. Two things. Tooth. Can you do it in one? Tooth things. Can we not talk about two things? I don't want to hear it like,

it's bad. We whisper it or we don't have to do both. We can maybe do one. We whisper it in Danny or one of the producers. I don't want to whisper it in anybody's ear. I don't want to be offensive. Can it be Natalie? I don't want to whisper in a guy's ear. We'll whisper in Natalie's lesbian ears. It just feels like you're telling her a secret. We'll whisper in Natalie's ears. And then Natalie can say what she believes is the best idea,

and we'll go in the order of what she believes. I hate it. Why don't we just do that at the end, after all the ideas are out? And we'll have to whisper in people's ears. Or the second idea. Brother, we've got nine minutes to cover. Just fucking shoot your love.

Can we just let Joe do his unbelievable topic? Also, guys, this is called pulling a thread on a topic. We haven't even done the topic, and we're pulling the thread on the topic's topics. This is genius topic. Also guys, this is called pulling a thread on a topic. We haven't done the topic and we're pulling the thread on the topics topics. This is genius podcast. I hate you. I hate you too. This is what it is, okay?

I hate that you did it at IOWASCA and came back podcasting different. You came back seeing different colors. Can I ask you a question about the topic shit? What is the fuck, give me an example of the topic. Last week, remember I had what's the West Coast city on the East Coast, people still talking about it. The worst topic.

People loved it. That was dog shit. Who loved it? They're still tweeting about it. There's four West Coast cities, nobody gives a fuck. That was big. California takes up most of the West Coast. I don't know where you're getting your intel.

That was a flop. Joe gets his juice off of comments. It was huge. It was a huge... It was not. People were still talking about it. People were angry. Somebody said what a better question would have been what is the most southern northern

city. That's the same topic. But it's better. It's actually better. Why am I here right now? Why is Lewis is always better? Thank you, Mark. I mean it as a compliment.

Dan, do you have a topic? Oh, yeah. My second question is, what is the best thing about the West Coast? This is always better. Thank you, Bob. Damn, how do you feel about that? I mean it as a compliment. Dan, do you have a topic? Oh yeah. My second suggestion. Is it blowing a 20 point lead last night?

My second suggestion. Shouldn't have said last night. What is it? My shash- You wanna bring up Bruins shit? Well the Bruins were, this is a bridge year, bro. No it's not. It was.

You guys lost to the Panthers. They weren't even supposed to make it. And I'm supposed to be a Bruins fan now. Don't do this. They weren't even supposed to make the bridge. Tooth things. be a Bruins fan now. Don't do this. They weren't even supposed to make the bridge. Two things. I need to get a bridge actually. Why'd you make me upset?

It's because I thought it'd be fun. Can you guys not have a fucking double podcast? He's trying to get the second thing out. Listen, it's a podcast in a podcast. Lewis gets the... Lewis gets the... Lewis. Wear the pod, you're the cast.

You got to follow the flow, man. We're in a club state. What should we... We take our topics. I'm going to take the podcast. I'm going to take the podcast. I'm going to take the podcast. I'm going to take the podcast. I'm going you're the cast. You gotta follow the flow, man. We're the trusted. We take our topics. I hate them.

We take our topics. We put them into a fucking sock. Put them into Patrice's hat. A sock. Let's put them in Patrice's hat. Are we gonna bring them back like a witch doctor? Dude, yes. We put them in Patrice's hat.

It's a Patrice topical hat. And every topical hat. Hat a what? Hat a what? soccer. Dude, yes, we put him in Patrice's hat. It's a Patrice topic. Go head. Oh, and every hat. Oh, what? I don't want every topic. Oh, man, this sucks. Comedy should die. Yeah. And then we pull out the topics randomly and then we just talk the topic. I hate this idea. Joe fire it. Fire. Okay. You ready? Yeah. I sort of got this about cities or anything like dude. What do you do? This better fucking rule. Joe's gonna

hear it because you fucking use this topic, and I'll be honest, here's what I promise I won't do, and I'll be a real ass dude. I will never. What are you gonna not be a real ass dude? I will never shit on one of your topics if I don't actually believe it's a shit topic. That's the difference between me and Bob Kelly.

Can I just? No matter what topic you're about to say, Bobby's about to say, it's a fucking shit topic. That's not true. I'm a fucking guy who supports. You're a nigger. Hey, I just want you guys to know, Lewis has already lied. He's not being a real ass dude.

He's not being a real ass dude. Because when we hung out in Grand Rapids, Michigan, he went, oh, it'll be funny to have topics because then we'll just shit on whatever topic anybody brings up. Don't pull back the curtain, Dan. Don't pull back the curtain, Dan. When's the last time you threw an idea out and Lewis went, that's perfect, let's do it.

Never. I love it. Never. I'm glad you guys pulled back the curtain from the air conditioning. That was actually a nice. I'll tell you what, curtain's never getting pulled back for you, the tonight show curtain.

Oh yeah. Get Lewis on the tonight show. Get Lewis on the tonight show. I heard tell you what, Curtin's never getting pulled back for you, the Tonight Show, Curtin. Oh yeah. Get Lewis on the Tonight Show. Get Lewis on the Tonight Show. I heard back. What'd you hear back? They told you that day, no. Yeah. They said yes.

No. Immediately. No, they didn't. What'd they say? You get a clean five. Yeah. That's, obviously. But it was said in a sarcastic way.

Obviously, you need a fucking clean five. Yeah, what do you think? You're gonna go up there and say the other? Let me say it again, let a sarcastic way. Obviously you need a fucking clean five. Yeah, what do you think? You're gonna go up there and say the end? Let me say it again. By the way, would be rock and roll. You get a clean five. Yeah. Yeah, yes.

Oh, I didn't know you meant me. Yeah, you. As in? I want you to barnstorm the church circuit now just because Bobby didn't believe in you. I believe in you. I think you should fucking do it. I believe in him. I would love to see. I would not nobody.

There's nobody. Thank you. I was just looking at the time, making sure. Get the fuck out of here. Six, nine, six, nine. I was just looking at the time. Get the fuck out of here. 6969. Whoa! Whoa! I was trying to write fuck you to Kelta. What were you hiding, Bob? By the way, you can tell who is a shady fucking life the way

they react if you take their phone. He just fucking tripped over. I've never seen Bobby Kelly move that fast. Shit! You think I'm going react if you take their phone. I mean he just fucking tripped over. I've never seen Bobby Kelly move that fast. Shit! You think I'm going to give you my phone? Are you out of your mind? You immediately fucking liked the hot chick Danny fucking liked. He fucking, you weren't here. He immediately, forget it. What is your topic?

It's going to be big. Can you guys come in with an open mind and a closed mind. No open mind. It's an open mind. I'm going to. You're talking to this honestly. Absolutely not. You're talking to the guy who brought in Yankee swap and rose thorn seed. Two big things. Well one big thing. Two big staples. Here it comes. And Dan I'm sorry involved cities. Oh no. Oh no. You're ostracized from New York. You can't come to New York. You're not allowed to set foot or live in the tri-state area so don't try to get some fucking what's that called Jersey. No what's that called Jersey loophole. Don't try to get some loophole shit going. Lupus. You can't live in the tri-state area. You're not allowed for three years.

That's the way to look at exile on Main Street. Yes. My favorite album all time 1972. Don believe numero uno. All right. Queers. Let's move. All right. You're exiled. Yeah. And the way you're going to choose where you live. You get to put five cities in a hat and we're going to draw it out. What are the five cities then go. You're on the clock. Yes sir. You're on the clock five cities in a hat. Yeah. That's because you're going to live there for three years. Why five. That's a lot. Yeah. You do three. What's not. It's a small hat. I mean it's not going to be enough choices in the hat. I was going to do for let's do in a hat. Are you doing your own Atlas?

Why are you putting 25 cities each in a hat? Right now, international. International. Put them in by media size. Ooh, London's not a bad choice. London isn't a bad choice. Also, could someone make a Mount Rushmore of us? That'd be fun.

This is fun. Like us on Mount Rushmore. Good logo. Are you on fucking Adderall? No, I'm on fucking Happy Fun. Steroids. I'm fucking steroids I'm having a good time. I think he's smoking crack ways dress. They're off gray matching sweatsuit. I'm going to the gym

Good Dan five sit down the clock five to go first four cities in a hat You're gonna five cities for four four four four. I mean, what's gonna say them? Okay, you fucking asshole Well, they do have the nicest sunset London They really do London Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. not gonna rain San Francisco. Marine County is unbelievable. I love SF, bro. But but Crown Jewel. If you're a member in is Marin in San Francisco. No, this is a Marin on moron. Disrespect the baby. Bobby looks like Marin life. So San Francisco marine life. Marine life. But're going to have to work the road from SF. That's fine. SFO is a good airport. That's true. You're three hours behind all the markets. That's fine. I can get Niner's season. Is there any other variables here like do I

not have to work during this time? No, you have to work. You have to live. How long have I lived my life? Three years. Yay. That was good. I don't get it. That's because you're white. You shouldn't be wearing those gray sweatpants, little dick white guy. That might be my favorite thing you've ever said. Why? You shouldn't be wearing those gray sweatpants, you little dick white guy. That might be my favorite thing you've ever said. I like them.

Thanks, Rihanna. Oh, Rihanna. I know her. Didn't she get beat up in the elevator? No, in a car. It was a car. It was a car and it was Chris Brown. And it's because she gave him herpes from Jay-Z.

She gave him herpes? Yeah, from the car. She gave him herpes from Jay-Z. Yeah. She gave him herpes from Jay-Z. Yeah. She gave him herpes from Jay-Z. Yeah. She gave him herpes from Jay-Z. She gave him herpes from Jay-Z. She gave him herpes from in a car. It was a car. It was Chris Brown.

And it's because he gave, she gave him herpes from Jay Z. She gave him herpes. Yeah. From Jay Z. Oh yeah. How do you know? Cause I fucking know I'm into all this fucking ditty shit. Are you Jay Z's the big guy. He's going next. And he's now, you know, it'd be funny as of all these hip hop blogs and radio shows picked up from Bobby going after Jay-z's the big guy He's next now. It's not LA you wouldn't do LA because you have a lot of acting talent You have a lot of like you know, you know, I do San Diego over LA. Of course you would come on Why I said it was course crazy. It's nice. I fucking is great. Obviously the answers are I fucking hate you. Austin.

I really do. The only answers. He says obviously. Obviously. Because this is it. He's like Santa Maria, Mioana, Miami,

Cancun. Austin is as bad as San Fran with homeless people. Yeah, but there's a comedy scene. There's a comedy scene in San Francisco. Comedy scene. Not really, not like that. Not like Austin or New York or LA. No, but there's... There's nowhere else scene in San Francisco. Comedy scene, not really, not like that. Not like Austin or New York, or LA. No, but there's no, there's nowhere else in the world

like those three places. So immediately, LA, London, kind of. LA and Austin have to be in there as a comic. If you try to get up every night. Nope, LA is, I work the road enough, no, no LA. Look, I'm with you, I work the road enough too. I don't really work this in New York City every night, but I still like having a scene. Yes. You know, in front of me. I agree, I'm with you. I work the road enough to, I don't really work this in New York City every night, but I still like having a scene.

Yes. You know, in fact. I agree, I'm just upset. Yeah, Dan's upset, I feel bad. I'm upset. LA, Austin, what's the other two? LA, Austin. What a topic.

Fucking gorgeous topic. We're all the same answer. No, he has a different answer. I really feel like you're running the same life. I feel like you're running a census. He has a different answer. He said San Francisco,'re running a census. He has a different answer. He said San Francisco. You think San Francisco's gay or whatever, which it is.

Gay and shit covered, yes. But don't come here, I'm glad. Hey, you're welcome, San Francisco. I kept Lewis out. Austin, LA. Austin, LA. El gay. I mean, I'm just... Just say it. Ocho Rios in Jamaica, obviously.

I knew he was going to say Jamaica. What are you going to do? You're going to fly to the funny boat in Jamaica? There's no fucking scene in fucking Jamaica? Well, I'm just saying... If God wants me to live in Jamaica, he's going to let me pick that out of that hat. Dude, Louis just coming back being full Jamaican.

Black skin. Will I be a real ass dude on your boy. I ain't not going to San Francisco with all the bum-ba-clacks. All the poop all over the streets. You got your boys fucking your boys. Getting wonderful burritos. Go Niners. Can I tell you why it's not a great subject?

Because of all the laughs and fun we're having? Mid-subject. We're halfway through, two more cities and we're out. He pulled his dick out and he goes, I'm not really attracted to you. Just two more cities. London. What about Philly?

Philly's Tri-State area, no? No. No. I consider Pennsylvania part of the Tri-State area. You can't consider it because it's not. So Philly. Philly. Jersey, Connecticut, I consider Pennsylvania part of the Tri-State. You can't consider it, because it's not. So Philly. Philly. Jersey, Connecticut, New York.

Philly, London, Jamaica. And LA? LA and Austin. All right, so. I didn't get a fifth, but that's fine. I would say four. Take out Jamaica. Jamaica's not a state.

Jamaica's not, come on. You're not gonna live in Jamaica. You're not gonna live in Jamaica. There's no comedy in Jamaica. This is a serious topic. Think about it every day. There's no comedy in Jamaica. I should leave. Oh dude. No matter where you live. You're not gonna live in Jamaica. Be serious. You're not gonna live in Jamaica. This is a serious topic. Think about it every day. There's no comedy in Jamaica. I should leave.

Oh dude. No matter where you live, you're never gonna Jamaica. We'll give you the money from the show to go to Jamaica. He's never gonna, Bob, did you hear mine? He's never gonna Jamaica. What is the standard of living in Jamaica? Like what is the average cost of life? Cause if I could just save up a couple hundred thousand

dollars. Yeah, I need a fortune of my shitty. And just go, I feel like I could go. You could. Do it. You should, me and I need a fortune of my shitty. And just go. I feel like I could go. You could. You should. I saw a thing. It was like.

Let's do it. We'll give you the money. It was like a hundred and eighty thousand dollar house in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Let's go. Let's get him his own boat. Bye, Louis. Oh, perfect. Who do we replace Louis with?

We put ten names in a hat. I'm saying any ten comics. Three thousand dollars. Three thousand. That's a000. $3,000? That's a lot. Can I say this? Oh, family of four. I've never enjoyed one pulling up of anything in this show.

Yeah. I hate the pull-up. You know, like... We all stop. We start reading. Yeah. All right. I hate the pull-up.

All right, dude. No pull-up noted. I'm saying that's my vote. That's all I'm saying. All right. Good. No more pull-ups. All right. Just, nevermind, I was gonna make a bad joke. About the gym, about shitting your pants. I say Boston.

There he is. Boston's a great comedy. But I say San Francisco, but Boston doesn't have, it's got the same scene as San Francisco. It's got a great scene, but no shit, no gays. Yeah, you sure about that? It's gays in Boston? but no shit, no gays. Yeah, you sure about that? It's got gays in Boston? Yeah, but they're not out.

Yeah, they're just repressed and taking it out on kids through the church. That's the way I like it. I would say I would do Aruba. That's a country. Yeah, no, the city. Aruba city? No, you don't want to be in the city either.

You want to be the big one. Can you name a city in Aruba? It's Aranistan. Aruba so many times. Name another city in Aruba. There's only one. There's only one city. Spain. Illinois.

The southern hemisphere. Arastan. In Aruba. I would say there. Why? They got a comedy club. Aruba Rays? What if you have a falling out?

I'll fucking take over. I'll start my own Bob's fucking laugh hunt. I'll fucking. Hey, that's good. I'll start my own show. Bobby definitely thought of that before. I'll fucking start my own. That's in Bobby's dream board.

What do you call it? A dream board. Vision board. Oh, fuck it. He has like a thermometer that he's saving up for to make Bob laugh. Bob's laugh, huh? Like a fart.

Hey, dude, put it in the pocket. He's got a little red marker. Right there. He has to take out and use white out sometimes to make it go back down. Ah, dude. Ah, fuck it. Max needs braces, dude.

Ah, dude. One step forward, two steps back, dude. Oh, dude, dude, I'm gonna get that Bob's Laugh Hut. Somebody make a Bob's Laugh Hut logo, please. Send it in. Dude, why don't we open our own fucking comedy club in the Caribbean, call it Bob's Laugh Hut. Never, I'm trying to stack my money and go away. Dude, that's a good idea, I'll do it with you. Let's do it

Let's go live on a really I bet you could open a comedy club in Ocho Rios, Jamaica for less than fifty thousand dollars They don't tax Americans for the first ten years that you live there. All right, Boston Aruba Aruba Or a start or whatever the fuck is called I would definitely do Tampa. There you go I don't know if anyone would say Tampa of course I consider Tampa because Tampa's a fun Tampa's fun. She comedies great great clubs. You can work the whole fucking ring cheapest cigars in America. Florida's great And I would do I would do LA

I'd do LA cuz LA has a fuck. You know what scene I'm taking Vegas over Jamaica Vegas is a good comedy It's coming up. You got red Ernst there. Noah garden Schwartz a lot of clubs Brian Regan lives there. You know what Vegas is a good one. Vegas I like there's like 10 clubs that are actual clubs or showcase clubs headlining clubs there's a lot then there's just rooms there's fun things to do. I would go Chicago. No, it's not Hot Pies. Hot Pizza, you're right. I'm with you. No, no. I'd go Chicago. It's hot. It's hot.

Yeah, Chicago's good, but Chicago is cold. Chicago is amazing seven weeks out of the year. Yeah. And it is hot. How many do I got? One, two, three, four. Four. Yeah, we're good.

Joe, you want to do it? Yeah, you're goddamn right I do. LA, probably Austin, because of the comedy thing. Oh, I like Austin. Can I add Austin as a five? Yeah. I'll do Austin. Wait, mine were London, San Francisco,

Austin, Nashville, Chicago. Shh. I thought you weren't gonna make fun of people's fucking topics. I said if I genuinely liked it, I would say I liked it. Great, coming down to Lewis's fucking Stinks. Chuckle Shanty in fucking Jamaica.

Yeah. Yeah, I won't work it. Chuckle Shy and fucking Jamaica yeah I'll be working the Bob Marley theater there the chuckle Chateau what a topic Austin maybe I'll do a Seattle I love Seattle great Great. Talk about shit everywhere. Great. Nothing. What are you talking about? Mountain. No comedy clubs. They do. They do. This is a coma comedy club in Tacoma. Tacoma's I like actually you know what fuck Seattle. Seattle's out. Tacoma in. I love Tacoma. Tacoma. The Aurora of Seattle., baby. Tacoma. No offense to where I grew up. LA.

Yeah, this guy's in San Francisco. That's great. Are you kidding me? I do love San Francisco. Down to the wharf? Love the fucking wharf. I love San Francisco, too, but it's fucked up. I know.

But a lot of those politicians about to die. What does that mean? New guys. Cage it up. I'll help. I'll help push it. All right, gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and thank Small Batch Cigar for supporting today's show. I love this company. I'm not even a cigar aficionado like Bobby is, but I

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for 10% off plus 5% rewards points. You want it, we've got it. All right, where were we? Next topic. All right, what's yours? What's yours, doggy? Don't be that way. What's the best piece of pussy you ever had?

Yeah, exactly. It's got to be pussy related. Nom, nom, nom. I give you five licks. Would you rather blow your dad or eat your mom out? Go ahead. No, no. That's actually great.

Don't be an asshole. I'd rather blow my dad's head. How many dicks would you suck for a million dollars? Yeah. There we go. No, it's not that. It's not. First of all, I didn't say.

First of all, you went to Twitter for this. It's not going to be his. By the way, I didn't get mine from Twitter. You sure? Let's see. I didn't. I'm curious. I didn't. I got mine from life. Something that's relevant in my life. Why are you single? Don't be. Why are you being an asshole? You what? I'm asking. That's what's going on in your life. It's kind of being a little bit of an asshole today. You're saying hurtful things. Joe's in a mood and that's okay. You said he had a small dick. Yeah.

Well he shouldn't wear gray sweatpants. Yeah, if you're wearing gray sweatpants, you better come in half-hard. You called me a dickless homo. Bruce Lee wore gray sweatpants and he never had a big dick. Oh, he's a small dick karate. I bet you Bruce Lee's cock was all right.

I bet it was bad. I bet it was small. No, I bet it was like. Bruce Lee's cock did not, he did not have a big cock. You have no idea. Well like Bruce Ree, tired. Is there anything? Found it.

Is there any, don't pull it up, just find out on the internet if there's anything about Bruce Leescock's eyes. There's no way he had a big dick. I hope he had a baby arm. That would be a thing. Remember that girl in the elevator that was showing us that video?

Oh yeah. We were leaving, we were leaving the comedy club and we were in the elevator and there was like a dance club above Dr. Grins and these girls are on the elevator and they're going like, oh, like that and Lewis goes, what are you looking at, dicks? And the girl goes, yeah, you don't want to see this. And we're like, yeah, we do. And it was a naked guy swinging a fucking massive dick. It's a hammer.

And then I felt very like, I was like, was like oh wow dude guys really have dicks like that They're crazy. Yeah, yeah, we have glasses and not great teeth when we were in LA We we did the house up in the hills damn did I show you that video? No, well when we saw a couple naked swimming naked and I zoomed in on my phone and and And the scene of the naked and I came out Lee took Images of them against their fucking lawyer and put it on the fucking Internet. It's for my own pleasure. Where is it? My phone.

The guy came out this big white dude with a long, nice piece. I'll show you. I'm excited. Are you excited? Yeah. Those fucking sweatpants tight. My dick's small today. You know, you have a big dick. I had. Let me tell you something. When I watch sporting events, my dick gets so small. Yeah. It gets so tiny. What? It hides. Lou, what's your topic? I'm excited. There's a website that analyzes what they think your penis is gonna look like based on your name. So can I pull up the... That's nothing. That like that? So they're not just pulling stuff up, they're talking now?

Oh wow, she's got big titties. Let me see. I see these, alright. Fuck, she is. She's got a body on her. That's good. What are you hiding, Bob? Someone's in your back.

What are you hiding? She's got an all right there. Very nervous. The white guy that's like rubbing himself down? You see it? It's alright. That's alright. You just got an alert that says there's a person in your backyard. Are you nuts? Seriously, dude? Look at that. Let me say one more time That's a big piece. I mean, it's yes. It's bigger than ours Bobby. No, that's a big piece Bobby regular dick

It's a regular dick You're showing you're showing your little wee a regular dick. You're showing your ass. Yeah, my dick's regular. You got an alert saying there's someone in your backyard. Yeah, it's my thing. It's your thing? Just the guy that I hired to murder my wife. No, I'm sorry, it's the hit man I got.

That's how it's done. Tell him my house. Edit. All right, let's hear it. Let's hear the topic. Edit that. Edit that, no crimes. Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou.

You wanna buy my house? Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke. My topic is now that I'm alone, now that I'm feeling cold and alone. So I did get it. Baby. No. Baby.

I didn't. Now that I'm feeling cold and alone. Yeah. I've decided that I'm going to get. A robot. A dog. A pet. Oh shit Type of pet Asian woman Asian woman Asian boy to make you shoes

What type of pet should I get and we're gonna put it into four categories we're gonna say But we might put it in a hat cat should we put him in a hat? No, we don't need a hat a guana Patrice's that get the Patrice that I think we put him in a hat and we're gonna put it into four categories. We're gonna say. But we wanna put it in a hat? Cat. Should we put them in a hat? No, we don't need a hat. Iguana. Patrice is it, get the Patrice hat. I think we put them in a hat and we'd pull them out. Iguana. No, lizards are gay.

Well, I would say reptile is all encompassing one category. Cat, dog, bird. Get a dog. Cat. You know what? For the sake of the animal, cat. Yes, the way, cause you, dude, you don't want a dog. I mean, dogs.

Now that you're traveling, you're doing road work, you do not want a fucking dog. You can't, by being single, a dog, you can't have it. You can't. You need someone else. You need a partner. You gotta get somebody, you gotta pay for shit, people to watch it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Or have an autistic guy like Joe to come over and see. We're just trying to go down to Philly for a baseball game tomorrow and it's a nightmare to think about.

You're not gonna get a dog. A lizard? Get a lizard? You to Philly for a baseball game tomorrow and it's a nightmare to think about. Do not get a dog. A lizard? Get a lizard? You leave that thing for a fucking month. Yeah, you could fucking die. Yeah. Cat? Cat you can leave in the house.

Cat is the best. It can live on its own. Yes. And it can be cuddly. And if you have automatic feeders now, fuck. If I'm getting a lizard. Yeah. Boa can.

Don't get a boa. You have to be around. That's not a lizard. That's a snake. You, the snake once a week I can reenact the Britney Spears video all you want if I get a giant golden boa That's not bad an iguana No, what about can you what are our? What do they call them? They look like dragons Komodo dragons, you know one of those those now those things are like are they illegal?

They're they're probably yeah a Komodo dragons. Are they illegal? No, those things are like. Are they illegal? They're probably. Yeah, Komodo dragons like. Endangered? Yeah, no. You can get a, you can get a big one? A Komodo dragon. No, you can't get one.

They eat people, no. No, if you don't treat it well. No. You gotta fucking snuggle it. Yeah, it's not like a pit bull. You're not gonna wrestle your Komodo dragon in the backyard. You gotta rub it under his neck. It's like, all right, this is real ass lizard.

But you had a dog and loved the dog. I did love the dog. But sport was a problem. Guys, can I just say, before you guys had dogs, I had dogs. I'm like, you're telling me something about dogs. I had a dog before you. Yeah, you did.

You are old. And I had a dog before. No, I don't know if you had a dog before me. By the way, Lewis, did you have a childhood dog? Yeah, I did. I had a childhood dog. What was your childhood dog's name? Bo. Bo. I had a dog. No, I don't know if you had a dog before me. By the way, Louis. Did you have a childhood dog? Yeah, I did. I had a childhood dog. What was your childhood dog's name? Bo.

Bo. I had a childhood dog, too. Afkin. I had two childhood dogs. I had three. What was his last name? That's a rug. A constrictor?

No, no. That's not quite good. I had a dog before me. Bo, a constrictor. He had a good one, too. Hey, what happened in the second round of coffee? Are we not doing that, or? No, Danny forgot.

Thanks, Danny. We love you, Danny. Thanks, Danny. My card, right? Appreciate you, Danny. Danny, I'm going to get you Danny. Danny just give me another one of these the way you got it. I don't need to eat if I keep on having just cups of half and half. I know you're just having cream. I have pure cream. I'm always all jacked up when I leave because there's so much caffeine. I really do have coke jaw when I leave this podcast. No! If you get a lizard you can leave that thing. Lizard's the good. But then your son is a lizard, you can leave that thing. Lizards are good. Then your son is a lizard kid.

That's true, that is so true. That is a great fucking point. You gotta bring a girl over and be like, this is my lizard? It's like that spade joke from Take the Hit. Snakes are cool. That's a franchise. Sergio Chacon.

You can't get a snake, you gotta feed it. You can't leave. You gotta feed everything, dude. No, a lizard, you can just fuck it. But a snake, you gotta feed once a week. A lizard you don't have to feed once a week. But listen to me, nobody's leaving for more than once a week.

A snake. You don't know that. What if you book something? The quality or the amount that I have to feed a snake should not be at a turn. You have to be there for a cat more than a snake. No, you can leave a cat. You can leave a cat for a month.

No, you can't. You have to feed the cat. Automatic feeder in a litter box. Litter box, automatic feeder. It smells like shit. Your whole house is full of shit. And it's the curtains. Oh, he's mad at me.

He forgot who I was. Oh, no. I didn't feed him for a month. He seems to not love me anymore. Guys, you guys can't sleep here, because the cat will attack you. You can let a cat die, and nobody's going to ask questions. That is true. Yeah, you've seen hoarders. Dog, cat will attack you. You can let a cat die and nobody's going to ask questions. That is true.

Yeah, you've seen hoarders. Dog, you can't let... Something happens to a dog. Sweet bulls. Where's the dog? Yeah, you can't do that. Can I just say something quickly? You started this by saying now that I feel cold...

You said it at a very average speed. Now that... You started this by saying now that I feel cold and alone... It dawned on me. I never wrote you a poem. Only a dog is going to bring you warmth and companionship. A lizard is not gonna, if that is the real reason you want a pet, a dog is the only answer. Get an animal that's just like you, cold and alone.

Cold-blooded. An ape. That'd be sick. A chimp, dude. A full-size chimp. Get a bonobo. That wasn't that fun. Bonobo ape, dude.

Get a bonobo. Yeah, bonobo bandana. I go, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and genitals. We ruined Dan's career with my ape. You have to breathe all weird. Get a dog. Don't get a dog.

Do not get a dog. When I was in England. You got to pick up the dog shit in the backyard. A couple times ago when I was in England, I had a, there was a guy who had spider monkeys. Don't get a spider monkey, they throw shit at you. What is a spider monkey? Spider monkeys throw shit. Is that a spider or a monkey?

What's your dance? It's a monkey with eight legs. It's fucking wild, dude. It's a little baby monkey and it fucking runs around and they're cute for a second and then they start throwing shit at you. You don't wanna get a monkey. They jack it off, I heard they jack it off a lot.

Yeah, you don't wanna, well maybe you do. I didn't know. Oh, Louis is like, just do it and I'll do it. James E. Oh, he's making me feel sexy. Oh, what is this? What are you looking at? Well, maybe you do. I don't know. He's doing it. I'll do it. Making me feel sexy. Oh, what is this? Oh, you like that? Oh, sorry. Look at my I just had a thought

Now this is a top folks. I said a thought and I I think this, I'm not trying to be funny, a chicken. Chickens make good pets. If he caught it, he would be fast, he'd be ready for his next fight. You could run after the chicken. That's true, I could use it to train. They lay eggs, you can cook the eggs. Oh my God. I could throw the eggs at your car.

Hey, call back. I think chicken's not bad. Can't get a chicken. Why? Because he lives in fucking Jersey, you gotta get a rooster if you want a chicken. Why? Because he lives in fucking Jersey. You got to get a rooster if you want a chicken. Hear me out.

You're doing a lot of poo-pooing. Hear me out. I'm telling you, I'm saying he should get a fucking cat. He would love a cat. I'm very close to getting a cat. Cat is the best. A Maine Coon. Yeah, those are big.

That's what Norman had. The big one? Oh yeah, only because the word coon is in it. That's what Norman has. It's huge. Yeah, massive, a beast. My grandma had one that was like 35 pounds. I one so that filled the whole sink they're so cool why are you pulling up Maine Coons Natalie I'm sorry didn't know it

Natalie I know Natalie stop fingering yourself over there put me in cuz guys she was masturbating she thought we were so hot Maine Coons latino we didn't No, we didn't. Not a little bit. Look at that, dude. Oh, look at him. What would you name it? Caesar. No, I thought he was gonna say.

I thought he was gonna say Coon. Hectorin. Tyrone. Ophelia. This is my main Coon Tyrone. Say hey, Tyrone. I'm so glad you're here. The cat's like, will you clean up my shit?

Shit. Oh, this motherfucker. up my shit? Shit. All right. Oh, this motherfucker. Let's clean it up. Come on, guys. But I think a Maine Coon would be dope. I think a Maine Coon would be fucking great.

Big enough, like a dog, who'll come up to you, love you. I want to walk it on a leash. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there you go. Hell yeah, dude. That's a good one. All right, we decided. And people would like to take care of that.

If someone had to go over and take care of it, I would go over, take care of a Maine Coon cat. Knuckle against your face. Ooh, that's good. What are you? Ew, Dan's picking your nose. Ow, fucking A. Fuck is wrong with you? It was an assist.

Ugh. It was a one-timer. Ugh. If you had to pick a nose, I wouldn't pick that one. I know, I know. Dan does have the worst nose out of the group. I have the worst nose in the group. Yeah, he does.

Dan is the best looking one here, yet he has the worst features. If you were to take each individual feature and take it off his body, they're disgusting. I like some of his features. Mike Racine's pretty good. That's good. I like it.

Boo boo boo boo boo boo. Boo boo boo boo boo. Can I just say, because we can move on to the next topic, I will say that my topic was obviously superior to Joe's topic. Absolutely. I wouldn't say that. Are you kidding me? I wouldn't say that. Yeah, no, I agree with Bobby. No, Joe just admitted that my topic was obviously superior to Joe's topic. I know, I wouldn't say that. I'm willing to admit that. Are you kidding me?

I wouldn't say that. Yeah, no, I agree with Bobby. Joe just admitted that my topic was better. No, but now Bobby convinced me. Mine was fun. Los Angeles. I thought they were both fun. Really, you think his topic, why don't you be honest, Bob?

Honest Bob for once. Honest Bob? You want honest Bob? Honest Bob. Your topic was way better. My topic was way better. It was great. Well, I didn't know it was supposed to be like advice for

Topic you could pop a noob. No, but Joe brought up my fucking top. We're gonna blow everybody's asshole out Yeah, you're right. And they did it. He hyped it if he didn't hype it It would have been it would have been fine. You know, so we all we're all the same lifestyle So it was kind of a lot of you're searching for hanging out. We were searching for different answers. It was kind of We were searching for different answers. It was kind of, you know. Joe, stop, it's stuck. Before we do the next topic, why don't we do plugs, and then Dan can plug last when he comes back.

Joe, list website, please. I will be in Portland, Maine, July 1st. The first show sold out, we added a show in Portland. Oh, Salt Lake City, that's a big one. Wise guys. Yeah, wise guys rules. June 7th and 8th. I'm excited for that I love going there and then look at that Mohegan Sun June 13th to the 15th cigar lounge

Yo, yeah, and get this guy on job in that too I'll be in that poker room all weekend and then Portland, Maine We added a show and they want you over it They want the show over an hour and they just want it over hour and 10 minutes They're like we want we want chicks to use the mechanical bowl, wrap it up. I love that. It's great. And they're always like packed with not even, you don't even use your draw.

It's just the fucking casino people. My people show up. And then Atlanta, hot Lana, July 19, 20. So go, go see those punch up live. Go to punch up. Punch up live slash Joe lists. Joe hyphen list would go on punch up. Everyone's on punch up. Punch Up Live slash Joe List. Joe hyphen List. Go on Punch Up, everyone's on Punch Up. Dan Soda, where you gonna be?

Hey, Danny Sodes. I'm gonna be at Columbus Funny Bone, May 31st and June 1st. Then I'll be on the Burt Kreischer tour for three weeks. And then in July, I'll be coming to the Indianapolis Helium, which you can catch me at. And then the Addison Improv in Texas, just right outside of Dallas. How was that? But place used to be rowdy. I love that. And then the Addison Improv in Texas, just right outside of Dallas. How was that?

That place used to be rowdy. I love that, I love the Addison Improv. You know I had a guy threaten my life for a year from that place? Why, what did you do? His act. Great. That was a good one.

It was all right. I don't know. I love it, it's one of my favorite books. This girl was nodding off like she was on heroin. I got her kicked out front row. And then they. And he went up, up you're fucking dead then he found my email They started threatening me watch it back tonight. Yeah, you're coming to New York you fucking heroin junkie Then I had an FBI guy find out his work all his information

And he was sending me these threatening emails all the time, and I just sent them back all his information That's why it was the last time I heard from him. Yeah, he went, shit. He lived with his mom. I sent back his mom's address with the phone number and his work with his boss's number. I sent it all back to him. And he was like, nope, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Well anyways, that's a fun story. I will be at, like I said, helium in Indianapolis. I thought that was stoking the fire, so he just sends him, he sends you a picture of himself outside your door. It was a risk. Guys, this is fun. Can we do this during earplugs maybe? Stoking the fire so he just sends him he sends you a picture of himself outside your door Guys this is fun. Can we do this during earplugs? Maybe Addison improv the 25th through the 27th of July and then San Jose improv in August dance order comm Well, that's a fun. There you go. Louis Jay Gomez. What do you got?

This isn't on the site yet, but it will be by the time this comes out. So June 2nd, Sunday June 2nd, I'm doing the Depraved in Austin. One night only. It's going to be Kim Kongden and Sal Vakano and a bunch of great comics. Come out, grab those tickets. It will sell out. There's going to be a bunch of special guests as well. And then I'm doing Depraved on June 9th in New York City at the stand at 10 p.m. Sam Hyde on that, Dave Smith and a bunch of other great comics as well. But then June 21st, 22nd, Uncle Vinny's Point Pleasant, New Jersey. And then things are really heating up. I got Ontario, Improv, Ontario, California, Los Angeles, Oxnard, California, Fort Worth, Dallas, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and many more. Go to Lewisofskanks.com to grab those tickets. Check out Legion of Skanks. And my punch up. Go to punch up.

I'm not done. I'm in the middle of my sentence. She's bringing the thing up. Just hurry up. Sorry. Check out one of the podcasts. Ed, why are you plugging on the podcast? Why not? Why wouldn't I? I'm kidding. Go ahead. There's individual day passes for Skank Fest as well. Go to skankfest.com. Shout out to your creative for making it

all possible. If you guys want to come, you can get single dayfest.com, shout out to your creator for making it all possible. But if you guys wanna come, you can get single day passes. Saturday should be sold out pretty soon, so grab them quickly. Go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. Stanford dates, oh, that was a great, I like that club, by the way. Portland, oh yeah, Stanford New York Comedy Club.

New York Comedy Club, fucking rules, right? Awesome. Great green room, great show. Max, he was back there playing pool. I saw the pictures. Fucking great. Port Charlotte, Florida at Versanis, the seventh and the eighth, then St. Louis Funny Bone, the 14th and the 15th, I'll be there.

I just was there. Timonium Magoobies, please come. Magoobies! At the end of the month, and then I'm gonna be in Portsmouth, New Hampshire this summer. And then of course we're going to be at, where is that? The Melody Tent with you guys. The Regs.

We're going to be there on the 15th doing a stand-up show. And we're going to be doing in May. July. July 10th. We're going to be doing the podcast live at the Gramercy so make sure you get your tickets for that. Our name will be in lights on the big marquee. The regs.

And make sure, punchup.live slash Robert Kelly for all my stuff. Alright, there we go. The Gram only seats 500 so buy those tickets. Buy those fucking tickets, the Gramercy. Yeah, that's going to be fun. Live pod. That's the podcast with special guests. Are we bringing, no, we're not bringing guests.

Are we bringing guests? For the pod? Who knows? No guests. There's one guest that wants to do it at Skankfest that's not on the lineup, that's a surprise special guest that we're not announcing, and I think we should maybe let him or her do it.

We'll talk about that after this episode. But we do have people on the regs, on the regs at the Skankfest. They're gonna find out. They find out everything. No, they won't. Yeah, absolutely. I didn't hear what he said, Sinbad?

What was it? He's in a wheelchair. Who is it? Oh yeah. I think we said this on the episode already. They're gonna guess. They're good at this. I just keep on mouthing the N word to Bobby. But I remember you saying this before. Was it not on the air? I don't think it was.

No, it wasn't. Okay. Didn't you just make a big point that we're not gonna do this? Well, that's not what we're not doing that. We're not doing that. That's not what we're doing. We have, we have. This is the exact same thing you said we weren't going to do anymore. We're not allowed to do that. The thing that you did. We're not allowed to do that. Listen, my topic is going to blow your gun just out of the water. I can't wait. I can't wait to hear Dan's topic.

Even though I know he doesn't have a topic. Is Bobby stopping glass? Now let me go next. Dan doesn't have one. I don't have one. Dan's trying to make up one up. Dan, are you out of your fucking mind? You don't have one?

You didn't do your homework? No. Homework is pussy. You're dog-gated? That's why I don't want a dog. I want a dog. I want a dog. I want a dog. I want a dog. I want a dog. I want a dog. Dan's trying to make up one up. Are you out of your fucking mind? You don't have one. You didn't do your homework. Homework.

Your dog ate it? Pussy. That's why I don't want a dog. I want to make sure I come home with my homework. That's why I have it, so I have it as an excuse. His dog ate it and so did his act. It ate it. Get it?

I got it. Like, eat it's like, we got to do well on stage. Hit him. Thanks. I want my fucking coffee. No, I have a topic. I just think it really sucks after seeing yours. Yeah.

And mine. And yours. And yours. They're both so good. Do you want to go or you want to go? I'll go. Let me go. No, I'm going to go because mine sucks.

And yours is close strong. This is how you present a topic to get everyone excited. Mine's not good. It sucks, it's terrible, it sucks. Then they do it, we all laugh. But it's a great topic. Can I just ask a quick question? Do you guys, I can't tell if you're playing along

or you don't understand that me building on mine up was a bit. Yeah, sure. I can't tell. Hey guys, can I get a little conference over here? He's really on fucking damage control right now. That's the bit. You guys are like the fans.

Everything I say, they're like, he's serious. It's crazy. I'm joking. I knew it was gonna be an awesome doing a lot of office great I was gonna flip out as a visit line Joe is spiraling right now. I'm fine. I'm fine. I look like a crazy person and off great I'm fine Everyone become calm. Do we what Joe do you you want to take like a five and a break?

What time is it? I have to leave at 3 10 It's 307. Yeah, that's all right. I got three minutes. I'll finish strong What's your topic Dan? Let me go. I think I think Dan doesn't even have one. He's buying time. No, I do. I think I should Are you too cold now, Dan? Um, I think we should go storm chasing. That's not a topic. That's a suggestion. That's it. That's all that fucking top. I brought an article. We should know it's becoming a booming business. By the way, they are making twisters. That's what I mean. Equal to twister. But we should go chase tornadoes for a live

episode. This is not a topic. This is like a production note. This would be a text that you send us. It's not a topic. It's a topic. It's not a fucking topic. Dan, I'm going to let you, you're going to take a pause. Yeah. And keep it in the storm realm. Think of something you might. What's the fucking storm realm? Okay. Be a weatherman if you want. I don't mind. Dan, maybe like something like what kind of storm would you... if you had to be in a storm, we put it in a hat. That's right. We put four storms in a hat. That's right, man. Pick a storm that you have to go through. Yes. Put it in a hat and then... Thin air. We're a team now. You got to fucking sit on your dumb topic. We're a team. No,

that stinks. No, that stinks. No, no, no. I brought a topic that we could build on together. This feels like Family Feud. We're like, OK, all right, twisters. That's not bad. The topic sucked, and I did it on the train ride down here. No, this topic stinks.

I told you. It's not a topic. Dan, I need you to go back to the drawing board. I don't want to do the topic. Let me go. The topics are gay as shit. Let me go. I did it. Let me go back to the drawing board. I don't want to do the topic. Let me go. The topics are gamey shit. Let me go. I did it.

Let me go. I got a topic. We should go to the Mets game. Well, I love this topic. Who do we go see them play? I got a topic. I said we do ad reads before the show instead of after the show. I love this topic.

I think that's a great way. Bob, you got a topic, Doug? I do have a topic. You better come up with another topic, Dan. Fuck you. No, dude. No, I did a topic. We all fucking came up with a topic. Yours was do have a topic you better come up with another topic Dan Fuck you noted. Oh, I did all fucking came up with Tommy yours was a suggestion or to do something together You just said two words trip storm. She's chasing He's so talented except when you put him on the spot to come up with something no

I did on the train ride down here. I looked up storm chasing. So you want to talk about storm chasing? This is like when Bobby used to do tech talk and we were in Austin and he goes, what's your tech talk? And I go airplanes. Pretty cool stuff. Yeah, that's my topic. Now mocking your whole entire system. Now, that's not true. Don't be that guy. Can I I say, before we introduce the other topics, can I say, I think this topic thing is pretty successful. We've not had a moment of dead air. We're just fucking going back and forth. We're busting each other's balls.

We're trashing each other. You're a real innovator. Topics for a podcast. You're a real Rosa Parks over there. Well, I mean, I guess I am, because the whole thing was no topics, no direction. That's a real Rosa Parks over there. Well, I mean, I guess I am because the whole thing was no topics, no direction. That's a different show. We did for fucking 15 years we've been doing that.

Yes, and we made a lot of money. Bob made a lot of money. I didn't make any money. Now imagine what happens when we chase storms. Follow that. All right, here's what I put in my hat. Thunderstorm, hurricane tornado tornado tornado. Your favorite to your favorite storm. Go. I'm going to say your Danny Dan things like a seven year old child. Your favorite dinosaur. Go. Oh, I get excited. I get T-Rex. A

Phalaenophosaurus. That's something difficult. Nigrosaurus. Whoa. That's a real dinosaur. Guy. It's a real dinosaur. My guy. It's from Nigeria. All right. At Rob Liquor Stores. No, I got no, no he's not. It doesn't take care of its offspring. Robert, what is your topic? Gentlemen, let's take a moment and thank Zipix for supporting today's show. Zipix is a great company. I'll tell you enough, if you're trying to cut back on smoking, or if you can't smoke at work, or if you're just trying to fucking overall save a little bit of cash oil, because smoking can be very expensive, Zipix has incredible toothpicks that are infused with... Nicotine.

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To order, warning, nicotine is an addictive chemical. Zip more, smoke less, with Zip-Ick nicotine toothpicks. Okay, here we go. You know we play the Rose, the Warren. Yeah, one of my ideas. He's gonna do that again? No. Are we doing that but not Christmas?

No. Summer version? I like that. Because honestly, I think storm chase is cooler. It's like a half birthday. With the other three guys in the room. Could I jerk off? Probably. You have to raise, abort or diddle. Wait, I don't get it. What? Raise, abort, or diddle. I'm going to tell you right now. So you have to either raise you, abort you, or diddle. Mary-Kill, raise, abort, or diddle. Yes.

Hold on, let me say. All the boys. This is a good topic. Thank you very much. I don't think it comes near storm chasing or cities delivin' after the storm has ruined us. It's a two-parter. We've kind of worked on it together. You suck.

Well, I mean, the whole idea of us each picking a topic is you pick a great one, then you spend 20, 25, 30 minutes pulling the threads on it. Yours was 14 seconds. You just said the word storm chasing, we all said, what the fuck is that? And then we moved on. And then you said, I've been studying storm chasing

on the train. And then you said nothing else about storm chasing. Efficient train down there. You said nothing else about storm chasing efficient It's a thing that you do Long slow death you want it quick what I don't know let's go to the tape Wait, so how old are we in this situation? situation. Jamie can you bring that up? You can't rogue and reach on this one. Jamie can you please? How old are the others? Are they five or like two or nine? No he's talking about a Bort so obviously it's still in the tum-tum. Oh yeah yeah it's a little tricky here. It's a little tricky. we all, are we all like sonograms and we have to choose it and Tommy is like, no, no, I want that one to live. So that one's gonna have a little dick and gray sweatpants. It's not a board.

It's like drowning the tub or something like that. Yeah, kill. Okay, murder, murder. So and then that is worse. And molest is fuck. No, you have to fuck it. You can just get all you can diddle. You don't fuck a baby. Dan, you don't fuck a baby. How do you fuck a baby? Dan fucks wrong with you, dude. Spit. Yeah. You're just jerking off this little baby a baby, Dan. You don't fuck a baby. How do you fuck a baby, Dan? The fuck's wrong with you, dude? Spit? Yeah. Boo.

You're just jerking off this little baby. No, go. Okay. I feel like I would wanna raise Lewis because he's such a fucking horrible huming who just didn't get love. Huming? I'm a huming? What's a huming, Joe? I'm a huming who just didn't get human. Love human. I'm a human. What's a human Joe. I'm a human. You know that. Guys, this is like the same energy you would have when an F3 touches down

outside of Oklahoma. And we're just like two miles. It's bearing down. I was not like Stone. Jason, you got to release the Coca-Cola cans in the air. I'm holding onto a pipe at a barn. Storm chasing was so bad, I'm tempted to just kill Dan so we could. So I can get out of this podcast? So you're boarding Dan. But I think actually, I'm taking it back.

I would have raised Dan because you would have, I feel like you would have just done whatever I was into because that's what you Do now. Yep. So I think it's a boy Really? Yes, and it we could have really gotten into some sports. I would probably diddle Lewis Because he's so You're going all wrong beautiful. Yeah, wait, don't you. I would kill. You just put your dick in my mouth like it's a pacifier? I would kill Bob because you've lived such a long full life. What the fuck? It means this is when he's a child. This is when he's a baby. Oh right. I just wanted to

make it clear that you're quite a bit older than us, but I think, yeah, I guess I'd have to kill Bob, but only because I think it'd be so sweet to raise. You were like a heroin addict at three. I was because I wasn't raised right. You had an opportunity to change that. But that's why I'm asking, what age are we taking this on? Nature versus nature. Do I have a question? So am I going back in time to the 40s when you were a baby? And you're at the house for Unwood mothers.

I mean, because what a fucking life that's going to be. No technology, no TV, got to listen to the radio for entertainment, fuck Yeah, what year is it? How old is it? And there is a twenty twenty four and we're three. We need more details. This topic kill, rain,

get my dick suck for a steak. I know he's still got it in him. You're gonna be tough to kill, but I'm gonna get it done. And you baby, before- He keeps on shooting, shoots me in the head, I push it out like Wolverine. I'm a baby. I'm the baby, gotta love me. You can only kill me if you stab me like my father

in the heart. The same blade that Van Helsing shows up, to kill a Gomez, you need a specific blade. You cannot kill what you cannot see. You can only kill a Gomez with heroin or this knife. I've been waiting for you to come home. The baby is indestructible unless you kill him a certain way by pushing him into a storm.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Storm chasers. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Is the only way to kill a Gomez child is a drop him in the center of a hurricane.

The eye of the storm puts a baby. He dies. Yeah, I got mine. I'm out. Bang. Lewis is going to kill me. No, he's not. No, he's not. You don't know yet. Yep. He tried to reverse psychology me to live. He tried right about reverse psychology, maybe. No, you're dead, Joe. Bye. First thing he said, bang, now who am I going to dental? Now who's getting sucked and who's having a good life?

You're predictable. I know everything you're about to say. And you're dead. Who's getting fucked and who gets the name of cat? Marshmallow! I remember we did do our baby pictures at one point. I was thinking about that. Right, and Joe, you were a disgusting guy. I wouldn't want to raise it, wouldn't want to fuck it. So that's why I would kill you.

Hardy har har har. Toss that thing back. But now I'm the best looking one here. So there. Dan was, I remember Dan was a little, very cute. Bobby looked like a little Max. Don't make it weird. That's getting weird now.

Now he's not gonna let your kids hang out. Your kids aren't gonna hang out anymore. He's doing sleepovers anymore. He goes, Louis was just standing over me licking his lips. Pushing his tits together. Hey Max, just do anything for ya? I got it. Molest raise.

Yes. Nice. And I'll tell you. Dude, you're getting steak after steak. I don't wanna be raised by Lewis, but I love to be fucking molested. Are you kidding me? I'll tell you. Dude, you're getting steak after steak after steak. I don't want to be raised by Lewis, but I'd love to be fucking Melissa. Are you kidding me? I'll tell you what.

I would love to grow up shadow boxing before fifth grade. All three of us got what we wanted in this situation. I got a dad three times over. Listen, I'll tell you why. Oh, you shit your pants. You absolutely shit your pants. Way to aim it at the guy without smell, though. That was crazy. That was a big one

Dan is a is a good boy. Thanks bud, and he would be a what he a good boy He would be a good boy good boy always. He's a good boy Christ. Oh, come on, dude. I Can't smell I'm walking right through it nothing I'm a good boy dude Yeah, I got no I guess I get to have one of those fire retardant suits used to walk They have a blowtorch on you. I'm like Superman where they shoot him with bullet against my eyes man, Joe

I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. Probably shit. Dude, absolutely shit. You should not stand up in gray sweatpants. It's gonna have some splatter. And Bobby, so Bobby, I feel like it would be a difficult child. I was a good boy. I don't believe you were a good boy.

I was a good boy. You're such a good boy, he'll suck you. Look at that, I was such a good kid. Open those legs. You know what? Put those toes in my mouth. I'm gonna suck on those feet. Look at that right hand.

He goes, hey, sit down, get naked. Put those toes in my mouth. I'm gonna suck on those feet. Look at that right hand. He goes, hey, sit down, get naked. Yeah. Yeah. Sit down, stay a while. Stay a while. Hey, what are you waiting for? Yeah, Bobby, and Bobby was also already molested, and he ended up just fine.

I wasn't molested. He ended up just fine. You were molested. I wasn't molested back then. No, but later. But here's what I'm saying. You were molested, and you ended up just fine. You're a great person, and I feel like I wouldn't wanna

take that away from you, and see, you and see who knows where you would end up. Thank you. I like that. Thanks. All right, I like it, there you go. All right, ready? Storms. They plague us. I would 100% kill Joe.

Why? I don't, yes, dude. Come on. Come on, dude. Come on. I'm a nice boy, fun kid. But a real fun kid. Were you a good kid? Let's see he talks like Rocky I would I would raise Lewis. I'll suck you. No, he would use me for betting purposes. He would push me into a pile of chairs.

What? He would get you involved. I'll raise you one point. I got it. Can you throw that over his way? Yeah, good idea. I thought it was a cute joke. You'd be a bait dog.

I would raise Lewis because I would consider it a challenge. He'd probably be a cool kid. Oh, yeah, he'd be a tough kid. Yeah, he'd get the fucking tougher, punch him, wouldn't cry, wouldn't be a pussy. He'll be a plenty of windshield wash, because he throws eggs at windshields. I might kill Dan.

Hey, Dad, I'm coming home. Oh. Kill me, dude. Put me out of my misery. Now, you know, I'm going to diddle you just for that. I'm going to suck your dick. I would love to cum in your mouth as a child. Just feels like a little like air gun. I go, pfft. No, I'm one Batman toy.

I would diddle Dan, kill Joe. I'd raise Lewis. That's nice. Yo. This topic I found a little hurtful. Did everybody kill Joe, I'd raise Lewis. That's nice. Yo. This topic I found a little hurtful. Did everybody kill Joe? Yeah, I didn't kill me. No, I killed Lewis.

You killed Lewis. Yeah. I raised him. Yeah, damn right. Were you a good kid, Joe? What do you mean? What does that mean? Like a good kid.

Would your parents describe you as a good kid? Like good student, good grades, not in trouble? Student, but I didn't get in trouble. I bet you were a good kid. Yeah, I didn't get in trouble. I bet you were a good kid. Yeah, I didn't get in trouble until I was like my Middle of the road, like BC student, that's what you were? That's what I was. Yeah, C's. I mean, high school I got more of the C's, D's.

I was the bare minimum, like failed everything that I could fail with graduating. Yeah, I failed off the, I became, what do you call that, ineligible for athletics. Really? I was a really bad student. So you weren't a good kid, but that's not a bad kid. I just want to do. My son was a bad student. I would go like we get to like fix this bag. But I wasn't like fucking committing crimes and stealing. Well, there's a spectrum Joe. Yeah. Danny's on it. But yeah, that sack of marbles at the beginning of every episode.

But he's a good kid and I wasn't a good student. That's the totally different thing. Yeah. So you didn't get in trouble, you just didn't get good grades. Yeah, that's right. But I applied myself one semester, sophomore year, because people thought I was dumb, but I just didn't want to do the work. So I was like, I'm going to make the honor roll. I got two A's and two B's. That's good. That's like a 3.5. Did you make the honor roll?

Yeah. Two B's like Natalie's tits. You don't have to take that Natalie. You don't. We all just looked over to see. Yeah, well you got it. So you were, what is the, what did you get in, the most trouble you ever got in as a child?

I think this is a good topic. The most most trouble you ever got in as a child? I think this is a good topic. The most trouble you had ever gotten in as a child. What's a child though? Before you're up to high school. Up to high school. Like the most shit you were ever in. Like this is fucking, the shit hit the fan, your parents are fucked pissed or school, whatever it is.

I don't know. I don't know that my parents cared enough to be really mad at me. Yeah, and also comparative to you, we're gonna lose. I mean, you're gonna. I don't think so. My mom would like, like I wasn't really a bad child. I had extreme ADHD.

Yeah. Me too. And my mom was like extremely abusive. Yeah. So I would like, not be paying attention, I'd knock over a couple milk and my mom would beat extremely abusive. So I would like not be paying attention. I'd knock over a couple of milk and my mom would beat me with her fist. It was like, it wasn't like, I wasn't like doing bands a lot.

But I wasn't like doing like- But also, lady, it's milk. Don't punch over spilt milk. That's fucking wild. That's the saying that's hung on the wall in Lewis's house now. It's wine o'clock. Every time James spills something, Lewis shakes.

He goes, oh, so, ah. But I wasn't like a bad, I mean, I kind of was bad, but it was like... Yeah, you were. What are you talking about? You're a bad boy. I wasn't that bad. Classic bad boy energy. Wasn't that bad? I would steal. Did you ever get arrested?

Yeah. You were a bad kid. No. I got taken home from the cops when I was 12 drunk. Drunk at 12? Drunk at 12 when I was, yeah, that was the first time I ever got really hammered. What'd you drink?

I think about, I think about. What was your poison? I was, James is 11. I think, like, James, he's turning 12 this, by this New Year's Eve coming up, right, James will be 12. It was New Year's Eve when I was James is 11. I think like James He's turning 12 this like by this New Year's Eve coming up. All right, James will be 12 It was New Year's Eve when I was 12. That's I went to a party next door to my house You know what's crazy is my 12 when I was 12 at New Year's Eve really bad shit. I was smoking cigarettes I was crazy. My mom socked me. You think that our kids are this age

my mom socked me up because I was failing eighth grade or Now I was 13 when it happened because I was failing eighth grade. Or, no, I was 13 when it happened. I was failing eighth grade. She socked you up? Dude, she beat the shit out of me in a desk with a bar of soap. She socked you up, yeah. She threw it like full metal jacks.

She threw like a full. She put soap in a sock and hit you in the head. Like a two one two, like fucking got me in the chair. Yeah, when your mom does this before she fights you. My mom like one of those. Backed, like did the fucking back little shimmy. Little shimmy head movement. My 10th birthday I drank a bottle of Seagram 7.

What are you, a newsie? And came home, I came home and I had to shit and throw up. So I was shitting and then I puked in the sink. And I was trying to take the puke and put it into the toilet. And my mom walked in and punched me into the hamper. Like literally just fucked up. Did it shut under you?

Dude, that was an open hamper. I remember she punched me in the face and I just went into the hamper. And then I went into my room and she made me sleep in my puke. But then the next day, she came in, quietly woke me up. I think it's hot that you're so bad. She goes, I don't Bobby, I don't want you to ever do

that again. And I was like, okay, I'm sorry. And she's like, it's okay. I just don't want you to ever come home. I don't want you to drink again. You're 10 for a year, maybe eight months. I didn't hang out with those kids. I didn't drink. I didn't do anything for like a year. I actually got my shit together. And then... You were 10 years old. And then at 11... I went to the war. I came back a little bit different. Dickie Sewell and Scott Kelly and Tani, this girl I was dating.

Tani Kite. Knocked on my window and I snuck out. And we went out and we ripped off a canteen truck. And stayed out all night. And then a week later I got arrested. And I was like, I'mittane. Knocked on my window and I snuck out and we went out and we ripped off a canteen truck and stayed out all night and then a week later I got arrested for the first time for stealing the cigarettes and all kinds of snacks

out of a canteen truck. Nice. Yeah, that was the first time I got arrested at 11, I think. You were a bad kid. 11 was the first time I got it, but I didn't go to jail. The guy didn't press charges. We got arrested. Did you have to give the stuff back? No, we smoked it. It was the first time I got in, but I didn't go to jail. The guy didn't press charges. We got arrested.

Did you have to give the stuff back? No, we smoked it. It was cigarettes. We smoked Marlboro Red. Cowboy killers. Yeah, we took them all out. Remember, we stayed up all night. I was so hard, because I was 11, to stay up all night.

Oh, yeah, staying up all night. We were pulling all nighter, and we were at the junior high, and I kept falling asleep, and they kept, dude, fucking let's go, we gotta stay out. And the sun came up and I was just so tired, just wanted to go home and go to bed. Oh, you're miserable. Yeah.

I'm never awake after midnight anymore. Ever. Oh, I go to bed, I went to bed at 10.30. I go to bed sometimes 9.45. I put James to bed at 9.45 every night. What about West Coast basketball? And then very often I'm just like, I'm like, this is too much,

and then I go and I fucking go straight. You guys aren't gonna see any of the games of Western Conference Finals. It's gonna be a great series. I mean. What's the most trouble you ever got in as a kid, Dan? I wasn't a bad kid. I.

You said there still was the most trouble. The most angry my mom was at me, it wasn't even a trouble, but the most angry my mom was, it, it wasn't even in trouble, but the most angry my mom was, was one time in fifth grade, I faked like I was blind to get out of class. What? What a crazy thing to fake and get away with.

Dude, I didn't get away with it. That was the most angry one. What'd you do? Put on sunglasses and bump into stuff? With a cane? Dude, I'm telling you right now, it fucking- How do you fake being blind? It shook the nurse up.

My friend Brandon reminded me of this story recently, because I told him the bonfire years ago. But when I was in fifth grade, or I think I was in like, fourth grade, this girl that I had a crush on went to the nurse's office, because she had a stomach ache. And I was like, time to get a little one on one time. I'll give you something to make your tummy feel better. Yeah, yeah.

And then I was like, I need to go to the nurse's office too. And she was in the nurse's office and I walked in and I go, I can't see. And the nurse was like, excuse me? And like got like, what do you mean you can't see? And I was like, I can't see. I was like- Soap poisoning. Why were you looking up?

I saw blind people do that. I was like, I can't see. And the nurse was like, sit down. Play this piano. And then I started saying, na na na na na na na. And then I started nailing it. This boy got something.

There is soup. And then the nurse was like, we gotta call your mom. My mom was a single mom and she was at work. And they're like, Dan can't see. He has to go to the fuck. You see her on the phone? Wah, wah, wah! Did they ask questions or like?

They're like, what happened? And I was just lying. They're like, how many fingers am I holding up? You're like, 13. I went like this, I don't know, it's so late now. And my vision went out. I would have just flinched at, like done like a wah, and then you'd flinch and I'd be like,

get the fuck back to class. I don't know why, but the nurse was like, I'm gonna call your mom. And I was like, not budging. I was like, yeah, call my mom. That's fine. And they called my mom and they're like, your son can't see.

And my mom was like, put him on the phone. And you couldn't find the phone? I went. I did reach out like that. I was like, with the phone, I was like, hello? My mom's like, what's going on? And I was like, with the phone I was like, hello? And my mom's like, what's going on? And I was like, I can't see because that girl was still in the room and I didn't want to fucking be like, I was just trying to get some pussy. I'll see you at home. Pick me up at daycare. And my mom came to pick me up from school. You saw that

face coming to your face. Dude, she on the drive there. I swear on my dead father's grave. We were driving to the hospital. My mom told me the story of the boy who cried wolf. No, it was like obvious that she knew. She goes, Tell you the story about the boy who pretended to be blind? She goes, if you're lying to me, Oh Jesus. I'm gonna be very, very angry at you. So tell me the truth. And I was like, who said that?

Who? Who? Mother, you've aged. Mother, life has been, life has been hard. Well this is what's hard about being a parent though, because what if you were blind? My mom is like, I could hear her gripping that steering wheel,

and she's like, all right, we're going to go to the doctor. You could hear it, you couldn't see it? Dude, I was just the whole time. Dude, I don't, I think what happened was in my brain, I was like, I'm in. You couldn't come out. I couldn't come out. You couldn't go back.

I couldn't go back. I'm so intrigued as to when you come out of it. Dude, I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you right now. What I'm thinking is she's not there, you're with the doctor and you're like, dude, you gotta be cool. She's gonna fucking kill me.

Just say I'm blind, please. Dude, honestly, it's my own stupidity that blew it. My mom tricked me. Because you could have come out of. Dude, honestly, it's my own stupidity that blew it. My mom, my mom, because you could have come out of a slowly, but I can kind of see something. You might want to do you want this lollipop? And you went, yeah. Almost exactly that.

I think I think I started going like everything's blurry. Like, you know, I'll let her know I'm seeing shapes and shit. OK, yeah. But, dude, we got to the we got we're at the emergency room. She made you pick some other machine. Dude, worse know, I'll let her know I'm seeing shapes and shit. But dude, we got to the, we got, we're at the emergency room. She made you pick some out of the vending machine?

Dude, worse. And I remember exactly what it was. She goes, I'll give you a hundred dollars. If you could tell me how many, and I went, three. And my mom would get mad, or I would jiggle before she beat the shit out of me. She couldn't see me, I'm like, ha ha. Dude, she got so mad and she was like,

so you can see, and I went, no, I just came back for a little. And then right after this, I was like, Dan! And he called my name, and I was like, dude, I was in there with the doctor and he was like, okay, well, he clearly was like, this kid's lying. He followed my eyes and everything. He did one of those eye charts

and he just lit up the words, you are a liar? I think I got grounded for like a month. Like it was like my mom. Did you get the hundred bucks? No, it was, it turns out. So your mom's a liar. She lied to get me out of a lie. Wow.

We could call her right now. She said, that was the most angry I've ever seen my mom at me. And I mean, I've gotten, I've thrown up in the house because I was drunk. I've done a lot of dumb shit. That was the angriest she was ever at me. Because she had to take a day off work.

Yeah. It's so funny because people get grounded. I've never once ever been grounded. Your parents weren't alive. No, my mother was alive. She also beat the shit out of you for spilt milk. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm finding you taking away my Sega for a month.

It's interesting because it's debatable. When you really think about it, what I would have said if it was true. I would have taken a beating. It's interesting, because it's debatable. Like, when you really think about it, like what I... I'm taking a beating. I'm telling you right now, because my friends... Yeah, like I'm beating by a woman. Yeah. Like, all right, who, oh! Lady strength, oh, your soft bones are hitting me.

Get outta here. But I remember being like, for some reason, all the fun stuff happened that month, where they're like, Scarlett Captain's having a waterslide party. And I was like, I can't go, I'm grounded. Because you were blind. Yeah, because I was blind to the truth, man.

Did the kids at school find out? Oh, I can't, like I was in trouble, trouble. Like I came back and they're like, what happened to your eyes? And I was like, no, it was fine, I just came back. How old were you? Like fourth grade? Fourth grade, wow.

So this kid's still in school, that girl probably still thinks you lost your vision. Yeah, but then I was back at school the next day, like, what's up, what's up Amanda? What's up girl, how's your tummy? What's up girl, oh no, I'm a miracle. You used it as a line, you're so beautiful, I went blind. You blinded me with your beauty, baby.

He was like, okay, you're weird. That, yeah, the most mad my mom's ever been at me was when I was like 16 or 17, and I borrowed her car, her Dodge Neon. Hey, I had that car. It's a chick's car. It was the... Hand me down, my dead grandfather. At the time.

All my cars are from dead relatives. I had a hand me down, my dead grandfather. At the time. All my cars are from dead relatives. I had a hand me down from my grandma too, and it fucking died on the first weekend I had it. I had a cool, like, not a Camaro, but like a Nissan 300ZX. Okay. Like 1990, it was like an old T-top, but it was like cool, looked kind of fucking cool.

And I bought that with like my first car, and then my grandma died, and she had like a Buick, but it was like 93, 94, it had way less miles. It didn't, like, I needed work on the Nissan still, and this was just a grandma's car, ready to go. So I was like, fuck it, let me just take the Nissan, and then I sold the Nissan to my friend James Sacone, and my first weekend I had the Buick,

we were driving up to Albany to visit my friend Dave Green's sisters, and on the fucking, as we're driving up the highway, the car just dies on the fucking highway. And we're like, what, we're blasting a system of a down? And then fucking, yeah, we were on the highway and we're like pushing it up the highway for like two, maybe two miles, like the highway

and my friend's sisters are steering it. And as soon as we got off the thing, dude, it was so long, it was like literally like two miles. As soon as we got off the thing, while it was so long, it was literally like two miles, as soon as we got off the thing, while we're on the ramp still, a cop pulls up behind us, and I was like, God, you gotta stop, and we were like, oh, we're just like 30 feet, we can just push it off,

so we didn't have to get a tow there, like, no, you can't push it anymore, and they made us tow the car. Oh, it was infuriating. That wasn't the most I got in trouble with. The most I got in trouble was I borrowed my mom's Dodge Neon, I was hanging out with all my friends. I would borrow my mom's car all the time.

And we were just being fucking idiots. It was like a rainy night or whatever. And I was just speeding around a bend. And I just hit. Hydroplane? Hydroplane. I just hit the turn, and I went, and I went right into the sea wall.

And it was just a dent in the front and right under the headlight. I was like, fuck dude, my mom was gonna kill me. And I went to KFC, I worked at KFC at the time. My manager was like, he was like, here's what you gotta do. He was like, go to ShopRite, tell them that it was Mother's Day. He was like, go and buy flowers for your mom.

He was like, come out, say you came out, there was a dent in the car, call the cops, do an illegal police report. Wow. False police report. This is where it all started. This is where gas digital started. This is how Louis met his sensei.

This was crazy. The first lesson is take the pebble from my hand, now file a police report because someone stole that pebble from you. No, he was like, file a police report, tell your mom you're buying her flowers in shop rate. That's actually a good idea. Andbble from you. No, he was like, file a police report, tell your mom you were buying her flowers in shop rate. That's actually a good idea.

And then when you came out, the car was, you know, crashed into. So I, the cop comes, and like, I mean, the car was like covered in mud on one side. So funny. The cop knows, he's like, so somebody crashed in his car? It's like, yeah.

Yes, yes, officer. Seems to be a peculiar case of who done it. You better go get that guy. He seems dangerous. Oh, maybe get the whole force on it. I don't know if Swat's around, right? Pretty sure he was blind. I go, Lewis, let me explain something.

At that moment, act blind. Dude. Dude, I fuck. I didn't see who it was officer. Oh, I couldn't. Oh, you're an elder man. So then, yeah, I called the cop. The cop doesn't believe me.

He's like, he's like, he's like, somebody crashed in his car. I was like, yeah. He's like, why is there mud all around the one tire? Like you went off the road and crashed into something. Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. Nice deducing.

Yeah. I'm like, all right, you want to taste it too? You fucking weirdo? You're good. This cop. That bank over there, is you hydroplaning? He was. God damn it, you're just like a beat cop.

I thought they had you on murders. This is fucking nuts. You're good, dude. You're great. You're fucking good. Literally, he said exactly what I did. He was like, why is there mud around one tire like you drove off the road and crashed into something?

It was just, dude, adults when they're playing along with kids are just, it's so obvious now. So fucking obvious. Unless you grab the dashboard while you're blind. So then, yeah, that happens. So then I call my mom and I'm like, mom, somebody crashed into your car. My mom at this point, she had cancer, so she had her vocal cords fried.

You just stole your mom's car when she had cancer? No, she lent it to me. I crashed it. But my mom, she had her vocal cords fried from radiation. So my mom could no longer speak. She could only whisper, yell at me. She'd be like, mother fucker, I'm gonna fuck your shit up. This was like, mom, I crashed that.

And like, people could just hear, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. This is why Lewis wanted to whisper the ideas into. You fucking asshole. Yeah, I think I'm gonna get you. And then I came home, and oh yeah, this is another element to the story, is that when I was, from the 11th to grade

till maybe when I was 23, I would say, I would regularly roll my ankles. Like I would just be walking and we'd be talking, and I'd be like, bleh, and I'd just be on the ground, holding my ankle. Did you wear pumps? Yeah. He just walked around in stilettos. Oh God, sorry, I'm a woman on the go. He was a streetwalker. Yeah. What holding my ankle did you wear pumps?

It was a streetwalker, yeah, I would regularly you want around the world I just wasn't athletic at all like just like I would it was the thing my friends would die laughing I'd be on the floor holding my ankle and, while all my friends cackle and laugh at me. I've never even heard of that. And it would happen so often that, like, I would then be walking around with a cane. I would walk around with a cane, and then I would also, like, because now my ankle is weaker,

I would re-roll my ankle. Like, it was a thing. So, for like my 12th grade, I just had a cane a lot in 12th grade. All right, Benjamin Butt. It's fucking wild that you're just walking around with a cane. Here comes Lewis the Pimp. Yo, I'm going to tell you some stories about these streets. He throws it up and catches it.

Doggie, so yeah, I was on a cane at the time. I remember coming up my stairs being like, hey, and I had the flowers. Mama! Mommy! Look what I got you. And I just, I mean, my mom, you're, I don't even exactly know how to describe it. Do you know the beast in the M. Night Shyamalan movie?

Yeah. Where he's just like coming down the fucking. Yeah. I mean, dude. Was she naked? Dude. Jumping off the wall, side of the wall. On the ceiling, like, ah.

Dude, I just wanna count her coming down that hallway, like with the ferocity, like she's like, I'm going to fucking kill him. And then all my friends were in the hallway behind me. I was like, guys, go, go, go! And we all started running and I'm hobbling on a cane through West Havish. You're Mr. Glass? My mom is driving her Dodge Neon trying to hit me and my friends. I mean, literally, my friends like left their book bags.

My one girl was like, had a varsity of like, Letterman jacket that she had for like, volleyball or whatever. My mom went to the Penny Bridge in Stoney Point and threw everybody's belongings off the bridge. Yeah. Damn dude, your mom was about business dude. Ten toes down.

It was nuts dude. No one ever said, dude it was fucking nuts. You are like, your family crest is real ass Your mom's like, all right other kids book back our city Jack those things are expensive. It's expensive She put in the practice She was a setter didn't even get to spike the ball 13 years of work

Jack that is so fucking funny. Yeah, dude. This is terrible. That was the most I ever seen my mom like. My mom's third wedding. Shout out. I got a mommy with three. Third wedding, we were in my uncle's backyard

and her friend was like, Bobby, go get me my cigarettes in my car. And she threw me her keys. And I just took the car. Because someone just threw me keys, and I just was like, fuck it, I turned it on, and I just started, I think I was 13, I just started driving around the neighborhood,

flooring it, fucking having a blast. And I remember I was going up a hill, and at the last second I put the brakes on, and I spun out, and it was a cliff. I was two seconds away from just fucking going off a cliff at the end of the street in Maldon Mas. And then I must have been, I thought I was gone for five minutes, but it must have been like a half hour. Yeah, you were out on a joyride.

So when I came back, the whole wedding party was out, my mom in her dress, and my stepdad, they were all in their fucking outfits, the whole wedding party was out. My mom and her dress and my stepdad, they were all in their fuckin' outfits. The whole wedding party was there. And I was like. Well, you went missing. I just pulled up. You ruined your.

Her 13 year old kid got abducted in her mind. I pulled up and I parked the car and I had her cigarettes. I threw her cigarettes in her keys. I go, here's your cigarettes. That's fun. My mother fuckin' lost her mind. In her wedding dress? In her wedding dress. Lost her fuckin' mind. You ruined. That's fun. My mother fucking lost her mind. In her wedding dress? In her wedding dress.

Lost her fucking mind. You ruined your mother's wedding. I ruined my mom's wedding. Did she, I mean. Did that marriage last? Yeah, he did. Oh, he was a good stepdad. He was a good stepdad.

He died four or five years ago. Yeah, I remember him. He died. But he. Larry. Larry. Larry Rule. We met Larry.

He was so mad, dude. He never hit me. Yeah, you ruined his wedding night pussy. Never? He ruled. We met Larry. He was so mad, dude. He never hit me. Yeah, you ruined his wedding night pussy. Never. He was the nicest guy ever. Never hit me. One time he hit me. He threw me out of the house in my underwear in a sleet storm because I broke into the house. But never very, you know, he was sorry for that. That day he went back. That's criminal abuse, Bobby. Yeah. Yeah, it was, I deserved it. I saw a child in his underwear. A child in his underwear freezing. Can I help you stop? Bobby the car that you took a joyride did it have cans attached to the back? It said just married.

Anybody hear that car driving off? Can I just point out that neither one of you can do cans driving in the back of a car. He went blblblblbl He went, click, click, click, click, click, click. He went, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh, bluh. He went, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click,

click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I do it? Dumb. It's hard. That is crazy that you showed back up like, urgh! You're just so. Parked. I fucking parked. By the way, you half full. You're like. Which most angry your mom ever got mad at you?

I think mine's the best impression, honestly. No, that's all right. Yours sounds like a fucking AIDS written turkey. Yeah. Oh, please kill me! I have no T-Bots! I love having gay sex with gay men! I'm a bug chaser!

One of my cities would be San Francisco! Go Niners! Bang, bang, Niners! I love tornadoes! Stormchasing would reinvent this podcast. It'd take it to a level that no one would ever do. I like this topic idea because it does shine a light

on how retarded Dan is. Pretty. He's so talented. But when you put Dan again, you put some pressure on him, you're fucking, you're so lazy. On the way here, I saw the text. I was like, oh yeah, I got to find a topic. Dan.

On the way over here, I was talking to Natalie about it. I didn't know the topic. You did the best you could. No, I spent a lot of time on my topic. And that's why it was so good. I was calling me retarded, Joe just repackaged his idea for last week. Mine was fantastic.

Joe's topic was all right. Can I say, can I say? Joe, the topic should have been, you have to pick. You never gave us a specific thing. I was just doing something. Any topic, not funny. Hold on, I wanna hear what my topic should have been, you have to pick. You never gave us a specific thing. I was just doing something. No, any topic. Not 20. Hold on, I want to hear what my topic should have been.

It should have been. It would have been a better discussion. I should have given more than two minutes of effort. Simply, what city, you can't do New York, LA, or Austin. You have to relocate to one city for one year. What city, why? San Francisco. We would have all had different answers. It would have all been interesting conversations.

Yeah, maybe Dan would have said San Francisco, London, and Nashville like he did. No, we do one each. We would do one. And Bobby would have picked fucking what would you have picked if you picked one? If I had one, just one. But it would have been shorter. No, we would have had better discussions instead of just listening to the same list. Wait till the next episode. You guys are going to come. You guys are going to come so hard on my next topic. It's going to be intricate. What would be the answer? The one city. Wait, what is what is the new topic? The new topic that you can't pick? What is your LA? What is

your New York? New York, New York, LA. You gotta pick one city one year relocate now. One year. I'll go London, Doug. London. See everyone has Dublin. Love my London. Paris, Paris. Final answer. Paris. You don why London? Paris, Paris, final answer. Paris, you don't even speak French. Get out of here. They speak English there. Yeah, not a lot, get out of here.

Excusez-moi? Why would you say Paris? Excusez-moi? Get out of here. Paris is great. Paris is a good city, but not the free local. For one year. For a year?

They don't shave their armpits, they're kind of manly. You'd be sick of Paris in fucking a month. I will say French food is the fucking bomb diggity dig. Italian. I mean Italy is the best place I've ever been in my life. Italy's the best. Italy, if I had to pick just one place to retire to,

money's not an object, you know, it's all said and done. Northern Italy, put me on an olive farm up there. Have you been to Italy? Yes, I've been to Rome. It's the fucking best. Have you been to Paris? No. Yes. I was supposed to go this fall, but that's not happening now.

Get a cat. Rome is better than Paris. I'm going to name my cat Paris. Meow. Meow. Le meow. Berger. You should name your cat Rome. Oh, that's a good name. Caesar. No, Caesar's from Rome. It's gay. He fell. Caesar got stabbed in the back. Caesar's no good. Diddy meow. Diddy meow.

Diddy meow's good. From Deer Hunter. Diddy meow. Name's just no good. Diddy meow! Diddy meow! Diddy meow's good. From Deer Hunter. Diddy meow! Name him Samurai. That's a good name. Storm chasing, guys. How do you feel?

Sound off in the comments. No, next time I'll actually think of a topic. Can I say the new format? Is it not fun that we each bring a topic? Oh, just thought about time. You got mad at me but I'll buy a trouble came when I was in my 20s. I had I did. I would do bringer shows. I lived in Boston and I would bring my whole family on the train to be my bringers like bring three people would go to stand up New York or New York Comedy Club. It was like my mother my father my sister and uncle Dale or someone would come down the car and then we went out and got fucking hammered. I was alcoholic lunatic and then we were on the train out

because I only knew how to get to my buddy went to King's Point out in Great Neck. So the only way I knew how to get to the city was to park in Great Neck and take the Long Island Railroad. So we parked there took the Long Island Railroad drank our faces off got like blackout drunk. I'm 20 years old on the train ride back. I just threw up all over myself. Like my shirt was covered in puke. So we got off in great neck and there was like a shirt sale. Like my mother bought me an I heart New York shirt for like 30 bucks and was like here's a new shirt. And as the train was pulling away just windmilled it on the roof as it was leaving like she had bought it in the roof of the train as it was leaving. And so I just shirtless.

Like she had bought it in the time the train was letting me blow out. And I was like, woo! That wasn't the maddest your mom's been to you? That's my mother. I'm saying that was. And then I got in the car. That's such a funny thing.

It was so insane. And somebody was trying to take care of you. Yes, it was so insane. You're just, ugh. You're just, take care of yourself, Joe. Woo! So then I rode home shirtless, and I was like, I'm gonna throw up,

and my mother was like, well, pull over the car, Steven. And I was like, it doesn't matter, we're on the train. I thought we were on the Long Island Railroad. And I was like, everyone just throws up on this train. They're like, we're not on the train. My dad was trying to pull over, and I just went between my legs and threw up. And this is like 40 minutes into the ride.

We had to drive three and a half hours through the night with a puddle of puke and I'm totally shirtless. I sometimes wonder why did Dan and Joe stop drinking? Drinking is not a problem because I've never been that. Well this is like a year into my drinking. I did that for 10 more years. But literally she bought a shirt handed it to me. It's like I took $30 of hers and just wrinkled it up and threw it on the train. To be fair. But in hindsight, it's a great podcast story. Do you remember you guys when you first came to YKWD

the first day and had a... When you filled that mini fridge? I filled the fridge full of beers and you guys drank every single beer. You got so mad at us. You got dead. That's for the fucking guests. You can have one or two and we each had about six or seven.

No, you had all of it. Yeah, you put a half a rack in there. That wasn't a half a rack. It was fucking two. No, this photo is of us with beers. A rack is 24. Two six-packs. A six-pack is a rack. It was a mini fridge, Bob.

You can only fit a 12-pack. We always said 30 rack. It's a 30 cube. We said 30 rack. Guys, don't forget to get the regs hat. See us on the road. Comicwearables.com. Comicwearables.com.

We love you guys. It's fun. Fun one. I think, in my opinion, it's the best one we've ever done. Yeah. You're doing the reads? Well, we're going to do reads now. Tour dates, go to LouisJGomez.com.

What is it? Louis of skanks. Make sure you get skanks tickets. They're available. Single day pass. Make sure you get those tickets. They're going to go fast. It's the best festival ever.

It's happening in September. We're all going to go fast. It's the best festival ever. And it's happening in September and we're all going to be there. He's going to be all over the wise guys. He's going to Uncle Vinny's. He's going to be at Ontario Improv. Hi. We're doing plug. We're doing these plugs. I don't know. He's brought them up. I don't know what the fuck we're doing. We're doing the ad reads. I thought we were doing fucking dipshit. I thought we had what we end the show with plugs again. No, we don't do, we've never done that. Not once. No, we do. Go to our websites, make sure you.

Maybe do your next weekend. Subscribe. We do do that. I'll see you guys in fucking Point Pleasant. Shut up. Am I crazy? Can't we do that at the end again? Yeah, Danny's saying yeah.

We do the plugs twice, we do them at the end again. Just go to our website. No, we don't. Danny, did we do that? Natalie? We usually do our dates twice in a show. Yes, we do. Do you say your favorite ones at the end? Yes. I don't know who's trying to save faces right now. You're all wrong. We've never done, maybe once we've done that by accident. Guys, go watch older episodes and see if Lewis is wrong. 100% we've been doing it. And let us know. Please, down in the comments. Please let me know if I'm wrong. I will suck Bobby's cock. Why not my cock?

Again, covered in herpes. That's right. Great. I don't have herpes. Make sure you go to all of our websites. Make sure you subscribe on the YouTube page and comment in the YouTube page and make sure you go see us. We're gonna be at the... July 10th, the Gramercy Theater. Doing a podcast, live podcast. Huge special guests. We're gonna be at the Melanie Tent in August. August 15th. August 15th.

We're gonna be doing stand-up. Rich Voss is hosting. It's a big show. We should've got a local Boston guy. Let's fire Rich. Is it too late? We can just get somebody if you want. Yeah, let's get fire Rich. Who do you want to get? What are we paying Rich?

What are we paying Rich? I don't know. 80 bucks? You all, it's all in the thing. Look at the thing. It's not even money for everybody. No, we're favorite nations. We're favorite nations.

Yeah. Always favorite nations. All right, you guys are the best. We'll see you guys next time on The Regs. The Regs. The Regs.