Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Subtle Sleaze
Episode Date: October 23, 2017@LennyMarcusNYC, @TimJDillon, and @IAMFidance go over how lists are bullsh*t and some celebrities should keep their mouths shut! Dude! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoi...ces
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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com
Welcome to the funniest podcast on the Planet Earth.
This is gonna be a clash to fire.
This podcast has no rules.
I'm gonna the mic asshole.
I'm sure I've already said should I regret it.
Can I get a mic?
Oh, what the fuck?
That was trying to keep it like a comic head.
I have a bunch? No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of you guys on.
It's just us sitting down,
and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's...
...tabbed no topics, no directions.
I love doing it.
Don't play both sides of the coin!
That's not what a host does!
You motherfucker!
You want a day you think my podcast is popular enough?
I might affect some of these lines.
You never know.
It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com.
Alright, right off the bat. We have a great show today, but I'm reading this right now. The brand new sponsor, I love these guys.
And I want to introduce two people.
Mike was here last week, Moshi Mike.
He has a microphone, right?
You can use that.
Why is it not on?
Are we recording?
I think it's happening.
No, we're on.
Why is nothing happening over here?
I'm not recording? Are we recording? I think it's happening. No, we're on. Why is nothing happening over here? Oh
No, not on his mic. Are you on mics coming in? This is my mic is in speed eight. Put your data
Okay, go ahead mic. Hey, what's up? Nope. Keep going. Hey, I hear something.
I hear it.
I think it's coming on her mind.
You think I can go eat my frozen yogurt while we wait?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Really got it right now early.
But do you want to share mine?
Oh, what's up?
Just say hi on her mic and move on.
Why is his mic not working?
It shouldn't be.
Why isn't it not feeding?
That's a user, it's fine.
OK, whatever.
Use her mic.
How's it going?
Moshimai.
How about use the mic behind you?
No, actually use it now.
Like, right the fuck now.
Thank you.
There you go.
How's it going?
Good work, how's it going?
We're starting off strong.
Good work, Mike.
And we got, you know, he's one of the new producers there.
Gabby is here. Hey, what's up?
Yep, I know she she's not gonna last I know
Visually she's too nice enjoy awesome shirt. Yeah, good. She's got the right shirt
If she has a great white shark
Yeah, yeah, that'd be great. How great would that be if she looked like little house in the prairie, the older sister?
What was her name?
I don't know.
There was Laura and who?
The older one.
What was the older one?
That's so sad we don't work.
What was her name?
She was Margaret or something?
No, it wasn't Margaret.
I don't know.
What was the older sister's name?
The old school name, Margaret.
No, Mary, yes, it was Mary.
I thought Mary was hot, man.
I'm not that you think. Thank you, listen, I'm not wine-steining you. I thought Mary was hot, man. I know that you think.
Thank you.
Listen, I'm not wine-steaming you.
I'm going to be careful about it.
You're here, but yes, so welcome producers of the show.
We have a lot of producers.
We had over 20 people email me to my personal email and to the YKDV.
A lot of people out there want to produce the show.
We're going to listen.
We're going to bring all you guys in.
I want to get in touch with you this week by email
and then vet you by phone.
And we're going to bring all you,
we're going to talk to all you guys
because I think some of you guys are a little over
qualified, I think you think that this is a little more
than it actually is.
So many people listen to me, resumance.
Harvard, Yale, no, re-enocations.
It's like D rocket science.
Like, man, I think you're looking at phones.
Yeah, it's like, nothing is you to.
I'm just saying, right.
I was saying, did you really?
No.
Okay.
So we're going to be, I'm going to be in touch
you personally this week.
We had a lot of artists contact to show too.
We're going to be doing some rebranding.
So I'll be talking to you guys,
if I had to talk to a couple people, right away,
I gotta do this ad with a great show.
We have a new sponsor, Bonfell.
That's B-O-M-B-F-E-L-L is an easy way from it.
This is the ad, right?
This is the ad.
This is company.
What are you doing?
You're on camera stupid.
I told you at the beginning, not to fuck with these sponsors.
And everybody was like, no, never do that.
I told you, you can't have food in the studio.
He goes, it's cheesecake.
Yeah.
I like that case.
Yeah, but it's not a case.
It's not a fucking dessert.
No, but it even worse, here's the best part.
This fucking asshole comes in, I go, dude,
you can't have food in this suit, it goes, dude, it's ice.
It's ice.
It's melting.
Yeah, but then I go, it's literally becoming nothing.
But as I eat it, it's going in your mouth.
It's part of the new Asian dessert craze.
But I go like this.
I go like this, I go, what's on the shaved ice?
Oh, chocolate chips and strawberry sauce.
That's under the food category.
It's like he came in with a brisket.
Yeah, it's okay to.
Yeah.
As long as you're not gonna just take and cheese
and falafel out of your hand.
I was gonna get my moons, thank God I didn't bring that up.
Oh, on trays.
Yeah.
There has to be some of...
You're not wrong.
We used to be able to eat in the studio.
I'm at best when my blood sugar is working
by the end of the world.
Oh, you're what you say?
You're gonna get a camel patch with us.
Great case.
All right, did you say that?
You can't let anybody have anything, huh?
That's not yet, I did it.
Yeah, it's, you're right.
I wish we could, I'm gonna try to work on that
because I'd like to feed you.
I'd like to have a little snacks up here.
So you guys can get a little snackies or come up hungry
and get you some drinks and stuff.
I would like to do that.
I'm gonna try to work on that for this show.
My guests, if you have a little snack pack,
not that you're in first class,
but you're in premium select business.
Yeah, premium select.
Not business.
My show's premium select.
It's fair. So you're gonna go in and we're gonna do premiums. You're gonna get a little I'm gonna walk out with a little basket
Yeah, little bat you can choose banana. Yeah, bag a popcorn. Chris. I'm excited. I'm usually group nine
I'm very excited
To be in premium select premium self-adult the comfort when that's a comfort and soda will take me to put me in Delta
Comfort with a big sweet. Yeah, premium. Delta comfort. When that's a comfort, Dan Soda will take me and put me in Delta comfort with a very
sweet.
Yeah, thank you.
So I will try to work on that.
So when you come back on the show, there'll be a little stuff here for you and maybe a little
drink.
Okay.
And if not, maybe we'll just do smoothies.
Ooh, all right.
What about smoothies?
Yeah.
Oh, all right.
So next time we do smoothies, right?
Yes.
That's breaking the rules because it's food, but it's just smoothie form.
Right.
I do want to know what kind of cheek it is.
It's actually, it's in wheelchair guy form.
Legally, legally, legally, what's the difference between a smoothie and a cake shake where
they put a cupcake and ice cream and blend it together and put it in a cup.
Nothing.
You can use that.
Cool.
Yeah.
You just can't come with an open ice bucket.
Yeah, I am. you can do that cool yeah you just can't come with an open ice bucket yeah i am i
where i'll fucking a chip can flip out on the floor i know i'm science frost
and i see i got a loyalty card
i appreciate it
i bet you get you know it's hard was when you put out loyalty cards in the
janitor has case no it's true when when you pull out like the loyalty card and
you go through all of them and you realize that you have loyalty cards from
literally cold stone and you go through all of them and you realize that you have loyalty cards from literally
Cold Stone, Chipotle, and the entire Frost Factory village.
It's everything.
It's really embarrassing.
You must be enjoying online before everyone.
You do General Manager of Smith and Walensky's Subway.
Michael's Subway guys stand out front.
Tim, you coming in? I'm going to say this. This is the new team. A Gabby just came in today. We're going to see.
I don't know if she's going to make it.
She's.
She seems cool, but it's Mike Fitzright in.
Just mushy.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this. I'm going to say this. I'm going to say this. I'm going to gonna see. I don't know if she's gonna make it. I don't know if she's gonna test phase.
She seems cool, but it's Mike fits right in.
Just mushy.
Don't know if he hates you.
He's gonna stab you if he likes you.
You know what I mean?
Hard worker.
Can't work the equipment.
Not he, the Mike's fucking great.
Oh my, you think he's literally,
you'd say something to him and you go, huh?
He's great.
He's kicking ass.
He's got great ideas. Great stuff we're gonna going to be doing with him video wise because he does video
to Zach does the high end video stuff. He's got video skills, chops, Facebook, uh, Gabby
came in today with Lenny. We're going to see how she works. Maybe she works out on the
show whole new crew here. Of course, you know, uh, Lauren Look, I'ma say this, all that drama last week,
I have nothing, I love Lauren.
She, if it wasn't for her, she worked very hard on the show.
She did a lot for myself and the show, tons, okay?
And anytime somebody moves on from something,
anytime you leave your relationship,
let me finish, please.
She's not, what'd you say? I thought you said she's dead. She's dead.. Let me finish. Please. She's not.
What'd you say?
I thought you said she's dead.
No, she's not dead.
She's alive.
Dead.
Yeah, I'm going to be announcing that like this.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you know, you're going to do an ad read and then talk about her death.
Listen to me.
Mom felt.
You just got to account.
Flowers.
Somebody's sherry's berries.
Lawrence dead.
Listen, she moved on, you know, and that's it.
And when you move on from something,
anytime you leave something, it always hurts,
wherever it hurts.
And then the stuff heals and you move on later in life.
So I just wish her, you know, she got a new job,
her and Dave, nothing but the best. That's it, I, you know, she's gonna job her and Dave, nothing but the best.
That's it.
I, you know, nothing but the best so they can, everybody just move on.
We're all trying to help each other, fucking get there.
And yes, rough roads, bad things happen.
You fight, you're screaming, y'all, you hate each other, blah.
But you know what?
In reality, we all love each other.
We all give a shit about each other.
The comedy, community, and New York City,
I mean, in general, is fucking strong as shit.
And that's where I feel about it.
It's a piece of thing.
Oh, well, there you go.
If we hold things.
No, you can, no, don't hold hands with them, Lenny.
Don't read, Lenny.
Lenny.
So, let's light the candle for her.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Lauren.
All right, let's out.
Listen, yeah.
I'm gonna relay Gabby and fucking, they'll hate me someday too.
Listen, I, let me get, it's a slow burn.
I do want this new sponsor, Gabby, tell us about this place.
It's bomb-feld.
It's a new sponsor of the show.
I actually, I actually, they sent me a whole package.
A lot of times I don't get stuff from sponsors, not a lot of times.
I would say half the time these guys sent me stuff and this company sent me a box
and it was the shit, especially for me.
Bob feels an easy way for men to get close in a better way.
Your complete simple questionnaire,
this is the second page, yeah,
but you gave me the wrong page.
Where's the other page?
That's the front page?
Yeah, go to,
you can talk in plain.
Oh, there we go.
Bomfeld, this is the deal.
This company sends you out,
talk to me, Gabby, help me with this.
Oh yeah, yeah.
So they send you a bunch of clothes personalized for you
for your style.
You can't dress yourself, they'll dress you.
Well, first of all, I'm a big guy,
so they never have anything anywhere for me, ever.
But now you go on this website,
you fill out the form and you get clothes.
You get your clothes, but you get a,
that's not even, you get a custom wardrobe.
And you could type in like, oh, I want two dress shirts
and six jeans. You get to pick like I want a jacket
I wanted a jacket like a fall jacket match it up match it up. You get your own
What is it called the person that helps you?
stylus I got a stylist that emailed me an actual person
Because the first batch was all right, but I was like, you know, I'm on a little something like this and
because the first batch was all right, but I was like, you know, I'm on a little something like this.
And uh.
Sent it back, they sent you a new one.
Well, no, they redid it online.
Yeah.
And they sent it, they sent me this box
and it comes like, I think it was like the next day,
I get this box of clothes.
That's huge for a big guy,
because there's no stylists for fat people.
Yeah, there's, you know, the only thing we fit in
is hospital gowns.
Yes, it's true.
It's the only thing where I put it on, I Yes, it's true. It's the only thing right. I put it on I go that's actually nice like I feel
In that it's fully personalized every piece has been handpicked for you
With your own stylist. It's pretty amazing your stylist will email you his or her selections
After which you have 48 hours to make your changes. So I made changes right away.
I saw my wife did actually.
She was like, no, no, I don't want you on that.
I want you on this.
She made the changes.
And you immediately search after that it will take 40 hours.
And then you cancel it, even cancel it all together
if you're in total control.
So if you don't like anything in the center,
just say, I'm out and they'll cancel it.
Then when you see the clothes,
it's seven, you have seven days to tell them
what you wanna keep.
It's like you're in.
You can send the rest back.
So if I like just the jacket they send.
Seven days.
Seven days.
You're socks.
Seven days.
Don't answer the phone.
So if I didn't like, there was one thing I didn't like,
I sent it back.
You don't have to get everything, which is great.
It's not like you're stuck with some quarter-roy's
that rub together and start a fire
because my thighs are always rubbing together too tight.
Do you pay per, that was worthy.
Particle of clothing, how do you pay?
It's a subscription.
It's a subscription.
It's completely flexible. Yeah, you can't
How many can you get a month? You can receive your clothes
When you want and pause them any time you want oh well, so you can say okay. I want it for the next two months
And then you like you know what I got enough. I want to pause it until spring of you know
I want to get some spring clothes. I got enough winter clothes. I'm done. I'm out and you bail
Okay, do you tell the stylist like you're you're the type of person you are? You know, I want to get some spring clothes. I got enough winter clothes. I'm done. I'm out. And you bail.
Okay.
Do you tell the stylists like you're the type of person you are?
Well, you tell the style of your measurements, your style, you prefer, you set your budget,
this is the best part.
You set your budget limits.
Yeah.
So you don't have to, it's not like some of the, you know, you set your, I'm going to spend
this much money.
And they figure out what they can get you for that much money.
And what's that?
$24. Yeah. and they figure out what they can get you for that much money. And what's that?
$24.
Yeah.
So Ian would type, and he's like,
listen, I want to just keep the style of like a guy who took a hit
to acid and never came back.
You know, while you get down to the line of benton.
Yeah.
You can tell him what you like.
And next door to you can say, like, look, I want two buttons down,
a pair of jeans and, you know, you tell him what you want.
And then, oh, you can just say, surprise me, baby. And they'll surprise you.
I have to say baby though.
No, you can't say, don't say baby.
They don't surprise me.
No, not in these times.
Yeah.
Don't say any baby.
And they're nice clothes, baby.
Your stylist will put together your clothing picks and send you a preview.
So they send you this email with a,
they send you a preview.
They'll send you a face just literally,
I've never seen your face do that before.
They'll send you a preview of the clothes
and then pay for what you want to keep you
and return with the rest.
And the shipping is free both ways.
They send me and Bobby a preview,
it's a bear and a suit.
Don't you like this?
Isn't this nice?
These are mumu's.
This is a couch cover.
We had to send you a Hawaiian shirt again.
Custom Hawaiian shirts.
Yeah, well they sent me the box and I was a little nervous
when I opened it because everything, you know,
in an email you're like,
I hope that looks the way it looks.
It showed up, it looked even better.
I put on the whole outfit and my,
I haven't seen my wife look at me.
She was like, I like it like she, it did something for.
Cause I'm always black T-shirt jeans, cause I'm fat.
But I had this was like a green shirt,
kind of caught me really expensive,
like a real expensive, you know, long island,
boat club shirt that I would never wear, then a black jacket,
like a splenna, I don't know what it was, just like a nylon, one of those things called
is a blanket.
Win brick.
It didn't have arms and just slowing.
It's funny because when you open this stuff up, it's kind of like, it's cool.
It's kind of exciting because you've got a box for one thing.
Yeah.
And then you open it up and it's stuff that I wouldn't buy.
Right.
I wouldn't buy for myself.
Well, my wife wouldn't even buy,
but this stylist was like, oh, check this out.
And then the jeans were great, the shirt was great,
the jacket was great, the quality was great, like really good stuff.
Is it name brand stuff?
I mean, I don't know name brand stuff.
I can't, I would imagine it is because,
like when I put the, you ever put a t-shirt on you're like,
oh, this is something different.
You have a film something and they put you in.
And here's like, it's probably high quality stuff
that they make, you know?
But here's a pro, it's not Gucci, but, you know.
Here's the thing though, it's so easy.
I like this company. It's so easy. I like this company
It especially for men they have you know
There's nothing out this for this is for us, which is great especially
I don't have time to go shopping if somebody would send me a box
Whenever I wanted and I opened it up. Oh, it's a nice shirt nice jacket nice pair jeans or whatever
I'm like oh great. I got this now because I would never get it. So it's so easy.
And the way they do it, it's just thoughtless.
You don't know, you do this and the stylist picks it
and you say, yeah, and it comes.
And then you can cancel it, a pause it, which is great.
Right, what else are we going on now?
We have our own URL link.
Really?
Yeah.
What is it?
I thought you wanted to say it, I'll say it.
I like when you say it.
Okay, cool.
It's bombfell.com, like when you say it. Okay.
Cool.
It's bombfell.com backslash dude.
Yes.
That's B-O-M-B-F-E-L-L.com.
Flash dude.
That's right.
That's bombfell.
B-O-M-B-F-E-L-L.com.
Slash-D-U-D-E.
Dude.
Bombfell.com slash dude. Mm-hmm. And hereE, dude. Bombfeld.com slash dude.
And here's a deal, special offer.
We did with Bombfeld for you, okay?
The list is 25% off.
25 dollars off.
Not 25, 25 dollars, which sometimes they say percentages
and that means like five bucks.
Yeah.
25 bucks off your first purchase with bombfeld.com slash dude. Okay. That's
B-O-M-B-F-E-L.com slash D-U-D-E. Please, please check this out. It's, I love it. So there
you go. New sponsor of the show. Moving on. Cool. Sorry about that long read. I know.
Are these people at 10, 10, 10, fuck you. You should have stayed on cool. Sorry about that long read. I know are these people at 10 10 10
Fuck you. You should have stayed on that was very funny if you didn't listen to that read it was very tim
Lanny, what's your name again Ian?
Kidding I love you and I would do it shows this weekend. Yes. Yes, an adequate baby. Yes. Um, where you going? Where you good?
I love your voice. Well, no, I love it. We're going to Windsor, Connecticut one night.
Saturday night. So in Friday night, I'm in Pekipsi one night with Mike
Fini, yeah, too cute. We call him too cute on the show. That's just AKA too cute because he's too cute. Big Yankees fans So I'm at the game really. Yeah, you weren't yesterday, right?
I went to the game
begrudgingly
Grudgingly, yeah, be grudgingly. I actually filmed a show at Sirius with my Calta
We did our own little show over there, which was great. I love my Calta and Tony Tony B the super agent
Was there and he had tickets. He's like you want to go so I said yeah, fuck it. I'll go red socks on it
I went it was I can't believe and I know they say the same thing about red socks fan
I would imagine yeah, but every Yankee fan looks the same easy the the fucking hat the Jersey and the gray
Literature they just look all they'll they just a gray and Italian and fucking five o'clock shadow
They just look all day, they just a gray and Italian and fucking five o'clock shadow. Just that that wiskily fucking five o'clock shadow.
Let's get it out.
What?
Get it out.
Get all your angst out.
Hey, man, whatever.
Fucking Yankees.
You went to the game for free and whaaat?
All right, I'll tell you what fucking pissed me off the most.
And Tim's gonna be on my side with this.
Yeah.
I went up to get a hamburger, little tiny sliders.
Oh no.
I'm fucking sti- what?
How much?
Oh Jesus.
What?
What does that matter?
Oh, I thought that's what you're gonna complain about.
No, I have money.
I don't ever complain about that.
Oh, okay.
I never complain about paying for something.
Well, I actually like over paying for food. I love it.
What? Yeah, I like it. I go to a restaurant. Yeah. Yeah.
If I went to Noma, it was 500 a person.
Crazy. You're eating ants at Noma. Yeah. Good.
Hands that taste like lemon. I know.
I ate bark. It's a bark of a tree that I found.
I dropped six bills at Noma and I was hungry.
I wanted to go get a slice.
Best restaurant in the... Well, highest rated restaurant in the world in Copenhagen
Yeah, that's a bit of that one. I've never been to Copenhagen. I have I know you have well
Why do you get so excited when he said?
Because did you know that he had gone?
Been dude. I know that you went that you went with our fear. I know the story, but I didn't know. Sounded like you went as well. No, I went to Boomer and Cartons in Mohican soon
before he was arrested for that Ponzi scheme.
I, I gotta talk to you about something you wrote
on your fucking Twitter too, which really bothered me.
But anyways, in one second,
the fucking Yankee game, I go up to get those little sliders.
Look, man, there's a fucking dude. Okay
He's got a stack of people the security at the Yankee game last night was a fucking nightmare
Because of terrorism. Yeah stinks. There's 10,000 people in the line waiting to get in
The game already started. There's 10,000 people outside waiting to go through these
fucking security, put your pocket, get all this shit. We had to sneak in. We had a marriage
into line. Like fucking be decks. Because I just, I was gonna leave. I can't, I can't
wait in a line that long. I just can't, not at the stage of my career. I can't do it.
Yeah. So the rules are you could pay extra money for food, but you're not waiting online.
I'm not. It looks like a nice bucket of sliders. Well, I didn't get a bucket. I wished I had a bucket, but those sizes.
Here's a deal. The guy cooked with, he's got a fucking chain of people behind us.
He's cooking with one hand. He only had one hand.
No, he had the other hand was right there. Yeah.
He wouldn't go, you know, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese.
And he's on his pickle, pickle, pickle. He went, cheese, cheese, cheese.
You know what I mean?
He's like, cheese.
He made it his grill work.
Cheese.
I hate to say.
There's no reason that the machine is not doing that job.
Cheese.
Yeah.
Cheese.
Should be a machine.
Cheese.
Cheese.
Cheese.
I want no cheese.
I'm in.
I'm in. I'm in. I'm in I'm in I'm in yeah I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm Peco, but the reen with that. Peco, Peco, Peco. Peco, nice you get a Peco.
Peco, yeah.
Peco, wow.
Oh my God.
Peco, one of those line is take it so long.
Peco, Peco.
Peco, this line makes you want to be a terrorist.
Peco, no, Peco.
Bun, bun.
Took a long time.
It took, people were talking about him in front of his face.
He doesn't care.
We were like, are you shedding me?
People were like, are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
You should be going, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.
There should be 10 people doing that, you know?
Two guys, one behind him standing there,
and I go, I ordered a hot dog too.
This guy went, oh, okay. And he got me a hot dog and handed go I ordered a hot dog too. This guy went, okay.
Got me a dog and handed it to me. That's hilarious. Also, why aren't they pre-made?
Look at it. They have them in the head. They had them in paddies, which I'd rather have. I don't want a pre-made
fucking hamburger. I love that he's taking it out and he's putting the meat down, you know, swishing it.
It's a great hamburger. It just took literally 40 minutes to get a hamburger. Yeah
Worst how much was it how much was it? Don't even ask a lot of money
Lay down that platinum fucking metal am X I got and I go put that on there. Yeah
Charged it. It was a fucking nightmare dude. Fucking nightmare
Should have kept going. Fucking should have committedacet. You should have kept going.
Fucking should have committed.
It would have been way funnier.
Yeah, do it 50 more times.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, so the game was great.
I mean, I'm a Red Sucks fan.
Being in the Angus Stadium and not being in awe,
or not being like, this is fucking, you're an idiot.
You fuck off, you can't.
It's too great.
The fact that these people are so generations,
are so fucking into the Yankees.
I mean, grow men, grow men dancing, going, yeah,
but yeah, fucking whoa.
Yeah, but I was just in Boston.
I was in Patriots place.
I was walking around everybody's in it.
I was in Cleveland, and my first show was the Indian Yankees game
Those 30 people in my show and I wanted to be like what the hell is wrong with you guys, you know
Everybody in that town was drunk and going crazy. Yeah, you know, and yeah, you know, I'm any kids are named Brady up
And yeah people are into it man people get way too in the I mean, it's it's a lot. I love sports
I love going to a sporting event. I love Drutenferia team.
I love, you know, the Super Bowl last party at my house last year when everybody was so miserable
and I was laughing.
It was so great.
But I know I would never get up and seriously get that fucking fucking look at somebody's face.
Fucking yeah motherfucker.
It doesn't ruin your week. Yeah, it doesn't
you the YMCA and the seventh inning. I did I refused to
But I did stand up for the fucking the seven in the straight dog bless America put my hand over my fucking
You didn't Neil Bobby. I couldn't
I had to change my pocket to close
I had to change my politics. See it's too close.
That guy's been yielding for two weeks.
You get fat enough where you just become a white supremacist.
It is what it is.
Well, you know, you wrote something on your Twitter
about people doing food, like doing blue apron.
Blue apron, first of all, I was sponsored by show and I doing blue apron. Yeah.
Blue apron first of all is sponsored by show
and I love blue apron.
Right.
And I love it.
I love when they, I love how easy it is.
Yeah.
Like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go Tranny rape dicks or something. Don't you think they might have more of a problem
with that than my Facebook rant?
Don't you think that might be more of an issue
than what I'm doing?
Ah!
Tranny rape it.
It's positive.
Yeah, April.
I don't really know what you think standards
and practices are over a blue apron.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My whole point is it's just like, what did you say though?
You have fuckers.
I was just making fun of people.
Bring up Tim Dylan's Instagram.
I was just making fun of people who were cooking and I was like, basically, if you're
under 40 and you give a shit about making a loaf of bread, you should be hospitalized, you
know.
Go out, do shit, meet people.
Don't fucking hang out with some other loser and make a soup
Fucking blue aprons ingredients
You know keep going where is it right there?
So man this is all the food that he's not allowed to bring into this duty
Michelle wolf left me that meatball. She left note. She goes, feel free to eat this.
And somebody's like, isn't it nice?
She left you the note.
I'm like, what note?
I just ate the meatball.
And then I got the note.
It's down further.
But the point is that it was just like,
I get so sick of people taking pride in the fact
that they made a fucking salad dressing.
Where's one is it?
Right there, right?
No, keep going down, keep going down.
I'm, you know, there's a lot of posts going on here. Hey, very good. Where is one is it? Right there. No, keep going down, keep going down. I play, you know, so there's a lot of posted going on here. Hey, very good. Very right there.
Right. Keep going. Because sure. Yeah, yeah, it's coming up soon. It's crazy. Such a fucking
camera heavy ass. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Right. It's up, it's up, up, up,
up to the right. Yeah. Read this. There is nothing legitimately. Michael read that. Yeah. No, Michael read it. Okay. Read it in Tim's voice.
There is nothing legitimately more demoralizing than cooking your own food. I don't care if it's quality food from a specialty store with big hunts of cheese on the shelf. Who enjoys this? What
psychotic gentrifying pig looks for to blue apron night. No one under 40 who enjoys cooking has anything interesting to say.
I can't do that.
Go in the Lewis voice too.
You're going to get throat cancer.
God read the rest of it.
Anyone who you get satisfaction from baking a loaf of bread should be hospital.
Have you ever followed Tom Papa?
Yeah, Tom Papa.
It's all he does is bake bread.
We'll be here tonight too.
I followed him once when I blew my audition.
I don't have really a good luck with following him. Tom Pove. That's all he does is make bread. We'll be here tonight too. I followed him once when I blew my audition. I only died.
I don't have really a good luck with following him.
Keep him away.
Keep him far away from me.
You're on tonight right?
I'm on I'm the hosting of fundraiser.
I thought you would do it me.
I wish I was.
I'm host of fundraiser.
Did I ask you?
I said I was booked.
I texted you. Where did I book?
Me.
Oh, who else?
Oh, no.
All right, God.
There's nothing better than being served by others.
To sit at a bar and a busy restaurant
and watch the staff struggle to keep up
with the volume is to no God.
That's true.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Watching the wheels come up
the entire operation in real time
while you silently chew on a soft jabatta is a gift.
It's great.
Occasionally a walk later will drop a tray of food and start shaking.
New York is a factory of regret, a casino without games in the beginning and the end of
the line.
I mean, there's something so poetic in that.
Yeah.
Someone commented and it says, I want this on my gravestone.
Yeah.
That was me. Well, it's justvestone. Yeah, that was me.
Well, it's just people go out eat, fuck go out, spend money.
Too soon, too soon.
Yeah, dude, I found out about that.
I was eating a chipwitch and the new port wrote island creamery.
Yeah.
And then I just opened my phone and it was roughly made dead at 45.
And I just took the chipw I had in my mouth and went,
eehh!
And this is a real.
So I get all my friends, all my friends call me.
It was like dude, it was like dude.
That's all right.
It was like dude.
I was like, I know dude.
I know dude.
Yeah, it's funny.
I asked my wife, I go, should I call Bob?
And she goes, absolutely not.
You do not call him right now.
Yeah, of course not.
Yeah, if you had a funny bone in your body,
you would have found it.
But that, I mean, it's just, it's,
it's time, it makes you think you gotta get it together, you know.
Yeah, I wanna, the last week.
He was bigger than us.
Of course.
That's your saving girl.
You guys have like alcohol all the time.
He was bigger than me.
No, he was bigger than me, 600 pounds. Way bigger than me. He was way bigger than both of us. Way bigger than me. No, he was bigger than me 600 pounds way bigger than me. He was way bigger than both of us way bigger than me
He was way bigger than both of us way bigger than you too, but way bigger than me. It's fine
That's fine. You understand what I'm saying. Yes, Bob your Tim. No, I think I'm bigger than him. Yeah, I'm bigger than you
Yeah, New York breeds and bigger than Boston baby. What the fuck is that? Oh, look at that. That is a
That is a, that is a side.
My Lewis Gomez. Yeah. That's what happened. I don't talk about blue apron. Let's not judge
in these rate victims. What?
Coming up over here, let's talk guys. We got a live rape. Yeah.
Was it my blue apron? Yeah. Right. And converse. Yeah.
Yeah, right and converse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Converse.
Well, it's funny.
I've had to shut down the food on the road.
Yeah, that's the hard part.
It's because going on the road and being able
to afford a restaurant, right?
How do you afford all this?
They're not expensive on the road.
I'm gonna be honest.
They're not that expensive restaurants.
Sometimes not always.
Sometimes not always. Sometimes not always.
Do you have a family money?
How do you know I have no family money?
But I just don't eat.
I'm not buying, like I have a cheap apartment.
Okay.
And I'm not buying a new clothes all the time.
Okay.
And I'm not drinking and I'm not smoking weed
and I don't smoke cigarettes.
So like my, a lot of the money goes to food, you know?
So you don't have a kid.
You don't have a exotic.
So I'm not, so I, I, I, I,
You know what I would be if I wasn't married.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'd have a cheap apartment.
I'd have money and I'd go to fucking exotic food.
I don't have like, I'm not buying fucking nice.
I don't have a card.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, man.
Yeah, so many people spend all their money on booze and we and
everything.
When you cut that out, you save so much.
Right.
Get your carton cigarettes from Delaware you know
What was that one of my fucking horse?
Please never do that to me. I like it. I like you real friend. I kind of like it
Lenny's a fucking dog you can drink sit. I was just in Cleveland everything there in Cleveland sausage
But how great was that place? Did you go? good, it was great. The foe is foe. I do not like foe.
But I'll tell you this, that's the only thing you can eat
there because everything else is fucking kill boss.
But what about the, it just sits in your chest.
What about the market?
Market's good man, but it's all, you know,
it's like, it's like the lightest thing at the market
to pee to pickle.
That's the life, that's the healthy.
Everything is a lot, it's like heavy sausage, great mustards
and cheese dips and chicken.
It's good, but it's just lodges in your chest.
It's not even a gassy food.
It doesn't even break down.
It sits in your chest like a fucking baseball in your chest.
Are there any salad places on the road?
Yeah, I mean, there is, of course.
Of course.
I tell you, Cleveland is where it happened to me
probably I think six years ago. What happened? The downfall of course. Of course. I tell you, Cleveland is where it happened to me probably I think six years ago.
What happened?
The downfall of this.
When I was in shape on the, maybe six, seven years ago,
in shape, and then I remember I was in Cleveland
working out in shape.
I think I was probably 190,
195, maybe 190, probably around there.
In your bra, isn't that a funny joke when someone says their way?
And then somebody else goes in your bra.
That's not, I've never heard that.
Sorry, in my cock.
I like that too.
That's a fucking scary hotel.
I love that hotel.
I know, it's creepy.
First mall in America.
I know.
First indoor mall in America in Cleveland.
And I went to the Jimmy Jones across the street.
Yeah.
There's a Jimmy Jones.
I got a number five.
Yeah.
And I've never, I've never stopped.
Yeah.
That Jimmy Jones, I got one.
That's Jimmy Jones.
I got a grum.
You got to go, you go to the suburbs, Coventry.
Yeah.
And you go to Grum Subs.
Ooh.
And you get to fucking black forest ham provolone
Let us tomato on the pepper oil oil oil and spices and he did
Oh, and they heat it just enough so that it's it's just the soft
In your mouth and then you go to fucking little Italy and you get the Cassada cake
Which is like a is like a strawberry shortcake with custard. Oh my god. Junior get the honey
Is it a strawberry shortcake with custard? Oh my god, Junior get the honey
Fat sounds but sorry. It's so hard on the road. Do a cleave. Well, I was in the road this weekend. I'm eating I'm eating healthy I'm doing good. Yeah, I'm in Vegas eating healthy doing good
and
I and then what sound are you eating bullet casings from man to my bag?
Want salad? Are you eating bullet casings from Mandalay Bay?
I'm not broken.
I don't like the act out.
I'm not gonna laugh.
I know who I'm doing the act out.
You're not hurting protein.
Yeah.
I don't know.
So we, yeah, Cleveland, Saturday I broke.
I just snapped.
I was ordering something out of the room.
Couldn't find anything to go to because I was trying to be healthy.
Yeah.
And when you're trying to be healthy and you don't just go somewhere and say,
fuck it, I'm going here.
I'm going to have a salad.
Shut the fuck up.
You'll, you'll, you'll come full circle and just break and I snapped.
I couldn't do it anymore.
I finally went fuck it and I ordered fish and chips.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you go to Bender?
Just start eating like shit.
No, that was it.
Fish and chips.
That was it.
But I still, it swelled me up.
I felt my ankle swell.
My socks got tight.
Yeah, once you're on the right path,
if you go back to the wrong, he is pregnant.
Or just hang.
Listen, were you pregnant?
Don't ever talk again.
I don't care.
But it's really noticeable.
If you're on the right path, I'm going on the right path.
I like that she's trying.
Mike's just like this.
I'm going to kill everybody in there.
I have the same exact problem.
I mean, oh, you do, right? Yeah, you chubby's just like this. I'm gonna kill everybody in there. I have the same exact problem, I mean.
Oh, you do, right?
Yeah, you chubby.
Look at me.
I know, sure.
But I'll tell you this, I've been on the right path
for a few weeks, you go back in the wrong path.
And it's so noticeable.
You have nothing on the right path.
I've been following you for a long time.
I know I'm saying,
Fall is not the right path.
In the past, I've been on the right path.
He calls me from Cleveland, where do I go?
Well, what am I gonna do?
That's what I do.
I always call him up and I go, where do I eat?
Yeah, well, it's sad that I know too.
I have no problem going to go to the market
and then get the best trading on.
Because like that, he's like, in San Antonio,
I'm like, who, no one's gonna know.
Like, I call him up.
He's like, there's a two pound honey bun,
20 minutes from your hotel.
I was like, two block, I'm like, all right, I'll do it.
This guy, first time in San Antonio, I come off stage.
He's sitting by the bars.
He's by the bar.
He goes, hey, how you doing?
I go, where do we go to?
He goes, does a place that has a three pound honey bun?
Yeah, and a chicken fried steak the size of your head.
I go, let's go.
Me and this tub of shit, and you know what?
It's good, it's good.
It's not bad, it's soft, it's like good.
It's like a real deal fucking honey. Because you think when you get a. It's good. It's not bad. It's soft. It's like good It's like a real deal. What fucking honey because you think when you get a three pound
Honeybun it's gonna be dry or fucked up. What is a honeybun? Let me leave
Trying to help you guys. What's a honeybun? It's a big bun. It's like a cinnamon bun. Are you fucking?
Or cinnamon? I understand. It's the same day. I don't know. I thought it's not like
I was an on tray. There's not like It's not like a
Traveller there's a honey bun a synabon and then a sticky bun has pecans on top
Let me tell you some honey bun
Honey bun and fucking synabon buddy
It's not like he went chocolate hubcap right and you know what's that oh it's the same thing as a synabon
This is after a show at lamb guessing it's two in the morning two in the morning. This is an open honey bun. I went and got it. Listen, I got a chicken fight steak this big
Yeah, it's this big. Yeah, literally if I held it up in front of my face you in Rob the store
They wouldn't be able to catch me. I want to eat my cheese kicks
Gabby I will fuck you
You're lucky this wine scene stuff went down the street.
I was just fucking rich at you.
You understand me?
B-I-T-C-H.
Is it bad when you spell it?
It's a little bit.
You can spell out shit.
Yeah, it's tough on the road.
And I mean, I failed this weekend.
I'm trying to get back on that.
You just did fish and chips, you said.
Buddy, somebody took a picture of me last night at the game.
I look like my mother.
Yeah.
I look like my mom.
I'm fucked.
Yeah.
I'm.
She's got real.
Yeah.
She's really going to fit in anyway.
Yeah.
She's just giggling.
I'm in horror.
She's looking at her face.
She's lit up.
Just imagining my fat mom.
You know what your mother looks great in bombfell.com.
That's true.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I, uh, hang on a second.
Yeah, Mike, bring that up and you got that link up, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Fuck it.
I'm working out though.
I'm going to the gym, one of them on the road.
Been working out.
I met the smoke and hottest chick at the gym, too.
Yeah. My dream come true. Of course.
Of course I was like, I come down to the gym, um, Vegas.
No, not in Vegas. I worked out in Vegas, though. Not in Vegas. I went to the gym in, uh,
Tacoma, which was a great gig, by the way. Have you been there? Tacoma comedy club?
Not yet. I should. You should.
I'm just gonna Tacoma over the summer. Really?
Didn't do the comedy club did a bunch of independent shows.
Really? It's great.
It was great time.
Yeah.
The middle guy was cool. Good guy.
So it's shirts. I hate it.
Yeah.
I have to sell them to make money.
How about just become a headliner?
Yeah, but I mean some, you know, the guy middle,
in a guy who host, use the middle in the San Antonio Riverwalk
saw beer coosies with a very long he had something on the beer because he goes he's like
do you mind if he's like I'm like no selling me he goes yeah he's like a beer coosie
it's just you've got a joke on it I was like yeah what's the joke he goes you know women
are a lot like men during four play.
Jesus Christ.
Like this, listen to this.
Women are like men during four, women moving
are a lot like men during four play.
They're like, they look busy, but nobody touches a box.
And I'm like, how does that fit on a beer goose?
How is that?
But he did.
The company that printed that should be ashamed best the best merch story ever just quickly
I was working a long Island club. This is really that's but guy who comes in and he does a five minute guest spot
And then ask the headliner's not me. I'm hosting. He has a headliner. He goes like this
He goes you might if I still merge and the headliner goes you of course like
Five minute guest spot so the owner of the club goes up to this guy
and goes, you can't sell merch, okay?
The guy's got a CD, but he announced
he's gonna sell merch on stake.
In the five minutes?
In the five minutes.
So the audience, so it's filing out of the club.
And they say the guy goes, hey,
I thought you could have a CD and the guy goes,
okay, he goes, he looks around, he looks at the owner and then the owner is watching his all
thing with this guy's a desperate guy. He goes, he goes, meet me in the parking lot.
He tells the CD.
Comedy, baby. It's a motherfucker, man. It's so bad. It's so I wasn't we were in Vegas went to some shows
I can't tell you every fucking comedian on the fucking show had something to hawk
Huh right at the end of his set
The joke came out pickles and
Speaking of pickles.
Yeah, I got these snow globes.
Buddy, one of the guys, his whole outfit,
he came out with a hat and a shirt and he looked kind of cool.
And then he goes, hey man, I got these shirts.
This is my shirt.
It's my website and you're like, that's your shoes.
He's wearing your shit and then he had a hat. He had already even a bar. You're like, that's your shows. He's wearing your shit. And then he, this hat, he had a hat. He had a...
Or any of them in bar... You're like a very well known guy. Are they embarrassed to be
in front of you hawking shit?
They weren't... I wasn't on the show. We went to the show.
We just saw the show.
Oh, okay.
I was in bar as for them.
It's sort of... They don't understand that you're bringing the show all the way to this
point where you go, all right, thank you, good night, where people go, what the fuck?
That was great. And you stop and you give them a commercial and then you leave and that's done
And you ruin the show as a fucking middle or two you're supposed to bring the show to a point where I can go up
Yeah, you literally I have to start the show over again because you just did a fucking commercial
You're supposed to say good night. Thank you. The host brings me up. We keep everything moving upward
Yeah, you stopped the show dead to give you a speech
about your dumb fucking, your clothing.
Hey guys, can I tell you about the clothing I'm selling?
With that, with that said, bomb fell.
But here's the thing, if you sell,
someone said you should sell your work.
I don't know who said that to me.
Somebody said you should sell your work.
Sell your work.
If you're gonna sell anything, sell your fucking comedy.
Straight out.
That's you.
Don't sell fucking gloves, mittens, hats, fucking.
I always don't sell.
I just, I really, I forget because I'm working.
And at the end, nine out of 10, if I'm ever on the road,
which is rare, but I will say that,
oh, Jesus, I forgot.
And every time, could you do me a favor and say it
before you say, good night, you know, and they, you know, pay your jack, that's it. Can you just tell
them to buy my CDLBL friends? Yeah, just at the end of the show, go, hey guys, we're
all going to be selling stuff out front. If you want to come by and see the really one small
announcement by the. That's all you have to do at the end, but they think they hit, they
get into this insecurity that they won't sell as many shirts. Yeah. If they don't do that
joke. And number one, you, you'll never not be able to do that joke.
You're always gonna close in the same shift for five years.
That's who the fuck you are now, you're a pickle guy.
And then, you know what I mean?
And then, how about this too?
How about this?
You motherfucker, the guy I was talking in the middle,
a sweet guy, really nice guy, and funny.
He's telling me he needs the money,
I need the money man, You know, you feel bad.
But as a guy went to the casino today,
it's like, what?
I won 400.
Oh, so you don't have to sell shodes tonight.
Fuck, it's not going to be more than me.
You know, I'm a debt to the shirt.
You think some of that's like a vaguest thing
that they're just around shit like that?
That was a Tacoma.
Oh, no, I don't.
That's the question.
When did it become okay for the middle of something?
You know, like do you just feel guilty
as a headliner?
No, it's club owners.
Club owner, they get in with the club owner,
the club owner likes them, becomes friends.
The club owner thinks somehow they're gonna make them
and that's my guy or whatever.
Or an eye guy.
And then they can't because they don't have it.
They can't do it.
They can't go up after themselves.
They can't go up after a guy like them. You know what I mean? Or a guy like me, they just can't have it. They can't do it. They can't go up after themselves. They can't go up after a guy like them.
You know what I mean?
Or a guy like me.
They just can't do it.
They're not fucking the headline here.
I had a headline there, I had long to fuck off.
Your headline and when you're a headliner, that's it.
The first book gig I got in Delaware was a,
down to this like ship or middle town in the headliner,
it was this guy named the coach.
And his whole, I know the coach.
Being the football coach.
And the coach well. Yeah. Well, he wears a jock strap on his head like a helmet.
And he sells them by the door after the show.
Is he what's his whole act to be the football coach?
We need like he's got a whistle or a party of bad football.
What is it now?
Yeah.
Is this a different coat?
No, that's a good one.
What's down on the shower boy?
No, no, this guy's the coach and he does,
we all get a huddle up and we all get a bobbin the games.
Is that Bob Nelson?
No, not Bob Nelson.
This is a different coach.
This is Bob Nelson light.
Wow.
Yeah, he sells a jock strap.
After a while, I was like, is this what?
20 bucks.
It's like, is this what?
This is.
And I got in trouble because the book
it was like, hey, you're doing five minutes
and don't do that one joke where you sing.
No one likes it.
And I was like, all right.
And I did the joke where I sang and I made eye contact with them the whole time.
But he's right about that.
We got off.
I got off after we don't like when you say, we're like Mateo.
He can say he sings so beautiful.
In a merch thing is weird.
It's a weird thing.
So we're it's a weird thing.
I think I think it holds you back.
It keeps you as a middleer on the road.
What's the vagus comedy scene like?
It's gonna be good.
It's gonna be good.
Oh, did you go on yet?
It's gonna be better very soon.
Yeah.
Why?
It's going to be better very soon.
Are you doing a residency?
No, we go.
Okay. Just drop it.
All right.
But the clubs that look,
my analysis of the clubs are this,
is that they look like a club,
they look like a club that would be on a sitcom set.
They created a club that you think you'd see on TV.
Right.
Instead of creating a real club,
they created a club.
It seems very sick on me.
I think it's hard to get people to go to Vegas to put a good show together because you'd
have to be willing to lose money for a while.
And then once you got the hype of the show, like the seller, they lost money for a long time,
putting the best shows together,
taking care of the comics,
feeding us, giving us money, then they upped the money.
And then all of a sudden they got a reputation
and people started coming and now it sold out
42 shows a week, okay?
With standby list, it's crazy.
All the other clubs around this place
survive off of the comedy seller scraps.
The people that can't make it in,
didn't make reservations going, go around.
So it could be good if a club went to Vegas
and decided to open up and do it right
and bring really good comics out there.
I'm thinking over time it would be really great.
It has the potential to take over out there.
But the other clubs out there,
I've never played
them. It's fucking deadly. They all casino gigs or all casino clubs. I did the rift back
in the day was the club. The club to play. And it was a fucking torture. The river river
era. So there was a was a comic club called the rift. No, it was called the river. It was
a real. I just cut you all the comic called it the rift. I'm at the rift. Yeah, we all that's just what they call the rift.
And the biz. But I was there for a week.
The rift. That was what the play man. That's really they really like to emerge.
It's a little bit by anything. Man, I so they're the rift. The rift used to make you
sell their merch. Yeah. But he after the show, you'd have all the headliner MC and the host would have to go outside, sit behind a
counter and sell the Riviera merch. You had to make them money.
But things would different back then.
That room was fun. The Riviera was a good room. But there was no
green room. You just sat outside like the headliner had a
green room. The head of the was a pervert to use this
Used to get a chair at the bottom of the escalator going up. No and look up women's dresses. What yeah in between sets
I love the rib that was great the rib was great and you had to eat in the cafeteria
Wow, so a lot a lot of his casinos back in the day
You'd have to you get a you get a like, and you're like the fucking black Jack dealer.
So you're having lunch with the dealers and the security guys.
So you have to go in the belly and you realize just what a shit hole is on being there.
And this place was open back in the day with Sinatra and all that shit.
You go down there and you're eating corn and peas and fucking meatloaf.
Because you have to.
You got no food.
You're not really the yellow.
They're not paying you.
I remember my room had no XC and it keeps switching rooms
Then my then Matt Frost came who was my manager and age at the time and he got us the Frank Sinatra suite
So yeah, I got I'm playing he did shit
He had a fucking five bedroom suite on the top floor of the rift. I'm in the fucking basement
Having a kick a fucking AC unit every fucking 20 minutes.
I really understand what you're doing.
I remember one that I woke up that the guy who was fixing it, I fell asleep on the bed.
The guy was fixing it for two hours and I remember his asshole was hanging out from his
pants.
It was just a weird surreal moment.
I just went back to bed.
Biggest baby. Keith was just a weird surreal moment. I just went back to bed. There you go. It's baby. Um, Keith was there for two weeks.
You had to do two weeks at the improv that was at Harris.
If you were middleing there, you had to do two weeks.
That's fucking two shows a night, three shows on Fridays and Saturdays.
I remember the second week that he was going to, it looked like somebody was going
to, he was going to commit suicide. Oh my God.
He showed up and we met halfway and he's a, yeah looked like somebody was going to, he was going to commit suicide. Oh my God.
We showed up when we met halfway and he said, yeah, man, I got to get out of here, man.
He's like, this is breaking me.
And he was, he was going to quit, man.
Wow.
It was bad, but it's not, it's, it's not like that anymore.
You can, you can do vague, like this, you can do vagus in a better way.
Did you go to Brad Garrett's out there?
See that?
We did.
How's that? What did. How's that?
That's supposed to be good.
What'd you think about that?
Same thing.
Look like a sitcom room.
Red Curtains, all these memorabilia on the wall.
All of them.
A little distracting.
I thought I was distracting.
Yeah, like here.
What's the other good one?
This is probably the comedy room.
Yeah.
Dill does behind you.
A lot of microphones.
I have a lot of dildos behind me.
Well, if you open the car, prove it.
I may know attention to the dildos behind the car.
Yeah, I didn't like it.
I mean, it was fine.
Yeah, it was a good room.
It's fine, but it's, you know, it was weird.
It's fucking weird.
The way, because the casinos run, the waitresses and the booze,
and the club runs the club.
So it's two different vibes.
You're getting this awful,
what do you want to drink from some dancer
that never made it, you know,
still dances on weekends at the,
and then you're also hearing a comedian who never made it.
Yeah.
Well, you're watching these comics that,
you know, you're like, oh my God,
you're watching these comics like, you gotta be, come on, oh my God, you're watching these comics like you gotta
be come on, dude, come on.
What do you mean?
Like Edstreet Show, tacky.
Oh, it's just.
It's really good.
They're doing the craft between crowd work and just recited this, I say this the same
way every time, every night for the last fucking 10 years.
I do this to make money to bring home and pay the fucking bill.
I was upstairs gambling and I saw Jack Nicholson and it goes something like this.
I would love to see that.
So if you have a club opened up down there, they would be able to use their New York people,
but they would also probably have to do some biggest people.
That have a new LA people.
Oh, interesting.
Okay.
If you pay in money, you could fly or get somebody out from Vegas.
So you get a New York in LA and then you see them.
New York in LA and maybe a little bit of Vegas.
Okay.
You know, but you'd have to, you know, look,
put a foot in the ass of Vegas to get better.
You'd have to put a comedy club
that actually was visually holy shit stunning.
And also you'd have to put acts out there
that are headliners, headline only.
Really?
Yeah, you're a headliner.
You can headline for that.
You can headline.
Not for like not to get your cushion.
But you could go to Vegas.
What if us four went to Vegas for a weekend?
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
And we all got paid a couple grand. Let's do it. Right, and's do it. Let's do it. And we all got paid a couple grand.
Let's do it.
Right?
And we did it.
Let's do it.
We could all do 20 minutes, right?
Let's do it.
Yeah.
We're just making this deal.
I'm in.
We hold you 20 minutes.
We're flying to Vegas.
I'm in.
Yeah.
You get flown to Vegas.
You get a room and you do 20 minutes.
No.
It doesn't hang on anybody to sell the room.
We're all selling the room.
We're all going to fucking put it out there.
Yeah. The thing is, is that you could have a blast for a week
with your friends and fucking around, right? Relaxing, chilling, going to the pool, work
out to my buffet, to my buffet, going, you know, do comedy every horse, horse, horse,
horse, horse, horse. Yeah, guy horse, guy horse, girl horse, guy girl horse, yeah, all kinds
of horse, all kinds of horse. And then you and then you go and you fucking you do 20 minutes a night. Yeah, so it's 20 minutes 20 minutes
20 check on the first night you could
Yeah, you could switch the fucking order any night you want yeah, I didn't want a headline you could headline it
Don't matter great Lenny can handle we could all switch it up. You can amazing
And it's it's a fun probably the funniest show you'll ever see,
being, being, it's going by fast.
It's just not 20 minutes, 25 minutes, 40 minutes.
It's a, 2020 of the best guys in the country.
Everybody had lines and everyone's in a while.
You put a big name in there.
Could throw somebody in with two other guys.
Are we flying premium, whatever that was?
Premium, if it's up to you if you want to find premium.
It's $50.
So get me in. So I'm just saying I'm taking a megabuzz it could be done
I
Don't give a shit
Happy to be happy to be there you could go from Monday to
Saturday and have a good time if you want it to you could definitely do it in Vegas and put it together a good show
We'll see what happens. Gangster. Gangster. All right. So we have, how you doing guys? Mike, how you doing?
I'm doing great. Oh, look at this. This is this is bugs me about you.
Fucking bugs me. Round two. What happened? Go up. Scroll up. This is, I love these lists.
Here's another list that I'm not on. I'm never on a list.
I'm never on a list.
The whole network's not on it.
Not even the Chippa.
The best New York and why Time Out magazine.
Yeah, they're in the know.
You're in the fucking know Time Out magazine.
Who wrote the article?
Go back.
Curtis Yehu.
David Bird.
Who's that?
David Goldberg. Yeah, David Goldberg. Say it. Oh, yeah. David Goldberg. The article go back courtesy of who David bird who's that
Oh He's a nice Irish guy
Best and hang on scroll up best New York comedy podcast read that Mike. What does that say?
Stop read that Gabby please the best NYC comedy podcast. Sorry. I
scrolled. I feel we're competing. No idea. Whatever reads better stays. All right, so first one.
Never heard of it. I've not heard of a lot of these on the list. I will be honest. What started
as a week is great. Weekly, what is it? Bitch session? I Read it again. What's the name of it?
Loose a lot of these guys are improv guys are or
Cb guys, I don't really know these guys, but you know
Well, I don't know shisha. I want to go on a Vegas go to the official experts. Oh
Sydney Washington and Maria. That's a great pocket
Of course Sydney Washington and Maria. That's a great pocket. Yeah. Yeah. Very.
Yeah. Actually, don't rain. It's so fun. All right. Listen to my bike.
Okay. Shut up.
We just got. Please don't plug yourself.
Did you do that? Really? Listen, most of the time they cut each other
to shreds. Okay. So they they smash each other. Where did they get that
from? Okay. scroll down. Oh,
look at number three. Tim Dylan is going to hell. Wow. I wonder why you got in that,
fucking. Why did you get, how'd you get into that? People like the podcast really.
Did the light foolish, surly stand up plays one delicious Devils advocate in this dark podcast and which Tim Dylan and co-host Ray Cump
You got a change his name you got a chance
But his name fits him if you met him
Oh, he looks like a com he was like he can barely talk remember you said next time you were like, his tongue's just small for his mouth.
But it's not on a podcast.
It's nice.
It gives him a nice little effect.
Hey, oh God.
I mean, I mean, what is this?
$45 seat tone live.
The tip, what is this toy?
Did you just get picked up?
Uh, I don't want to, we don't talk.
We just want to say that it's a great live event
that you can maybe do a few tickets left in New York.
What the fuck was that?
It's a great show.
How'd you do it on TV though?
Stop.
You can't talk about stuff like this.
Or I'll start.
I can't get into it.
Or I'll start talking about what's happening in Vegas.
All right.
That I'm sure I'll be.
What's happening?
What's happening?
What are you up for?
Why would you have to do it? It's about a list with black chicks now. I'm sure I'll be exclusive. I'm a secret secret. I'm a secret boss. Why would you have to do it? It's I'm on a list with black chicks now.
I'm on a knee.
He's sad to grow down.
He's grow down.
Who's number four?
Who's that? Mis-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s Okay, scroll down there. Oh inside the closet. Oh, that's kind of, I mean, that's kind of outside the closet. It's kind of
the whole closet right there. All right. Uh, man, we got, well,
of course, we love them.
I love Mattay.
Yeah, that about.
Yeah. And she's great too. She really is funny. Who's this
moist? Oh, what's that about? Read that, uh, Gabby. It's
about chocolate cake. Read that moist. The mark of a great interviewer is the intimacy she develops with her guests
That's the cinch for the fearless Abby Feldman who invites comics into her bathtub for honest conversations on sexual health
Heritage and humor. It's kind of funny. It's kind of funny. It's been done before though. She's fine. You know who did it?
She's great
Um the rib We did the rib.
We did that. We did that.
We have to do it.
Type in bathtub interview on YouTube.
Bath tub interview.
Bath tub interview on YouTube faster than that.
I need you to go faster than that.
I really need you to try to go fast.
The bath. There was a guy.
No, Mike. I love you, buddy.
Right? No, no, scroll down. Scroll down. Um, yeah, there was a guy, no Mike, I love you buddy. Right?
No, no, scroll down, scroll down.
Yeah, there's a bunch of them.
Keep going, keep going.
The original guy who did it was the guy,
talk show, bathroom talk show,
bathtub talk show, type that in bathtub talk show.
There was a guy, he was a famous actor.
He was actually pretty big in a bunch of movies.
You know him, and all of a sudden, he did this talk actor. He was actually pretty big and in a bunch of movies, you know him. And all of a sudden he did this talk show,
this bathtub, tub, talk show, scroll down.
No, that's not it, that's not it.
Oh, go to bed.
Keep scrolling.
Wait, no, that's not it,
keep scrolling.
Wow, they must have took it off.
Moist, she's on there.
Yeah, tub, talk.
Little kids, why is it little kids in bathtub?
All right, whatever, he's not there.
But it's been done.
Okay, so who else do we go to the list? So there you go. ¿Qué es la gente? ¿Qué es la gente? ¿Qué es la gente? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.
Reductress presents.
I think they're all kind of false.
It's a sim...
My show, I gotta be...
But there's not one...
Can we scroll down one more?
Let's scroll down.
Let's see if there's one heterosexual white male on this list.
Let's scroll down one more.
On the closest you can get.
Let's go scroll down more.
On the closest. Oh, there. Let's go scroll down more.
Oh, there you go. Go stories.
I was going a little late.
Okay, so it's just keep going.
So there's, okay, keep going. Of course, Mike,
is that Brandon?
Yeah, it's.
I love Brandon. Okay, keep going.
Okay, no, all right, there it is.
Keep going. There's gotta be one. There's gotta be one.
Probably not. There's gotta be one guy, like an alpha male, like an east coast.
Maybe a guy.
Marry guy.
Maybe a fish and chips last weekend.
Fucking boo.
If you're gonna be multicultural,
if you're gonna give everybody a shot,
give everybody a shot.
I agree with you 100%.
Give everybody a fucking shot.
Stop picking your favorites from your fucking life
to present timeout fucking. I I know but magazine only for certain people
Yeah, who fucking like certain people? It's time out in New York
Next well next we'll rip up the podcast that were written down on a napkin because that's the same
Circulation I mean listen these are people that have a sensibility
And it just makes me want to you know, I just say I agree.
I think I think every relationship with the people that work at time out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I do like to listen and they're in contact with you.
They, well, how about contacting riot cast again?
It's not to one of us.
It's completely a subject.
No, yeah, it's a subjective list.
Is somebody going to hang out?
I know, it shows an eye line.
I know, but you represent a fucking magazine that puts this out say that
Hey, this is my list not time out magazine. Yeah, but buddy. It's a it's a free weekly thing that they have on the subway
You can't you I myself was low. Yeah, I need to be on a list
You are a list. It's a donor list. Right. Yeah. Ah.
Yes.
I hate lists.
Only one I'm on.
I like them.
It is a great feeling.
It really does.
I really did.
I was like, fuck list.
If you have a list, fuck you a week later.
It was, who is it?
Fucking, fucking laugh right?
What's that?
No, the laugh.
Laff button.
Laff button.
Laff button.
Those fucking guys.
God dammit. We're like best friend
I know everybody over there mother fuckers come out with a list. I'm not even on it. I call I'm like you mother
Within hours I was on the list and that was always the list
They made some right changes
Love this list Yeah, I have a list right now you want to know the favorite the number let's hear it
Let's hear the number one podcast in New York City right now. Let's hear it. All right. I'm gonna put I'm gonna put right now
I'll put New York comedy so live from the table on that fucking list. I mean that's not
Right down these lists. I mean this is not I'm that's not a metric
We're gonna stop you metrics.
Start adding the bottom of the deck and take people out.
We'll come on one for 10.
What's the highest?
We got our government.
We got to talk about what's the highest one on this.
The funniest fuck it like a podcast you should listen to.
The funniest that we all agree.
I'll put it in a block radius.
Yeah, I'll put I'll put come town on it.
Yeah, come town.
Come town's making a ton of money and they're fucking. Oh, no, but that's not eliminate them. No, no, points. I'll put Comtown on it. Yeah, Comtown? Comtown's making a ton of money and they're fucking-
Oh, no, but that's not, eliminate them.
No, no, no, that doesn't get you to hilarious
McMollan show.
Oh, I would, I would, I would, I would say yes.
It's not a love star.
I'd say yes.
I would talk to you, I would, we get it.
We move the fuck onto another barge out.
I would blow at him.
Oh my God, will you stop?
Here's a new one coming out,
co-four corners podcast.
That's a new one coming out.
What is that? People of the cell are talking about comedy. That's fascinating corners podcast. That's a new one coming out. What is that?
People of the seller talking about comedy. That's fascinating. Wow. That's never been done before. No, no, it's actually I'll tell you right now. I'm gonna make the announcement right now
Lenny Marcus and his friend
What's his name Neil? No, I always say Neil
New podcast on riot cast network called Four Corners. Wow.
Live from the roof. We are on the no lists. All right. I'm into it. I'll listen.
It's basically they have four segments. I'm gonna come on. Yes. I'll come on.
They have a comic on or a guest or somebody on. It doesn't have to be a comic.
They have somebody on. You do four corners. What's that? Four topics.
Fifteen minutes of topic. we changed topic every 15.
Okay. First 15 is about you quick quick interview then boom we change. Interesting right
and he has a bunch of segments and it's actually a very fun podcast really fast really fast
really fast and it's a great podcast Lenny and Neil a great on it very interesting and
I actually did an episode and it's's gonna be that one of the new shows
coming on on Riotcast.
It's gonna be the number one podcast.
I think so.
Right after we come dumpster.
What was that one?
It's highly.
Tuesday's with Stories, great show.
That's true.
I'm gonna have a podcast coming out
where I interview trans escorts called X guys we fucked.
That is very funny.
I have sex with them, then I interview them.
Okay, so Tuesday's the a story great. What else?
I'll keep an up with Joe. What?
Keeping Joe. Keeping Joe. What was that? Keeping Joe. Oh, it's on you. Oh, yeah.
That's one of my favorites. Last podcast on the left. Now chip chip chips.
Chip chips chips chips chips chips chips chips chips chips chips chips.
It is a fucking one of the funny shows.
I agree with you.
Right.
So how many we got so far?
Last podcast.
Why KWD?
I'd say Legion of Skanks.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
I don't know them though.
So it has to be a big tech.
It has to be all of us.
When the r e should fear skeptic that's L.A.
It's not he's living in New York. Yeah, but he's here. Have a little I he's he's he's he's he's he's he's a he's living in New York now exclusively okay. So we'll add him
I didn't know that I'm so thank you for the official experts of hilarious. So I don't know them
I we have to all do you know artificial experts? No, they can't be on our list
Oh, okay, it has to be a podcast that we all agree on. That's how you make a list.
You don't just go out there go these are my favorite podcasts. Let me fucking put it in
timeout magazine and make everybody think these are the fucking and fucking make every fuck
you. You need to do a lot of research. Research. You have to have fucking other people's
opinions. You're talking about New York City.
It's not yours.
You don't own fucking New York.
You put a list out New York's best.
You should put, what's his name?
Fucking Greg, what's the guy's name?
I don't know.
What's the guy's name?
Who did the fucking list?
David Goldberg.
David Goldberg.
David Goldberg.
This is David Goldberg's top 20 podcasts.
But is it not New York City's top 20.
You're claiming the fucking city voted on it.
We didn't, David, we fucking didn't, you did.
But doesn't every publication pretty much every list
is just that.
That's what needs to stop.
Oh, okay.
It needs to be fucking said.
This is Mary's list.
From timeout magazine.
It's like you just go to New York City's
all the fucking problems we have and go listen,
we're going to vote on podcast.
I know you want food and water and we barely have a little housing, but more importantly,
look it's in the like it.
Real estate dude, is that in?
No.
Okay, so it's not in.
The real estate podcast is a podcast is very funny very funny me mallin and Lewis do a podcast monthly
Which is really funny?
Okay, monthly
Weekly yeah, so it's not anything I love that I love it on to you
You understand what a real estate company man is I said real ass podcast. He was like Lewis's does one with me that should be in
What about okay okay, what about religion, the Skanks? Yeah, religion, the Skanks. One of the regular.
Should be in there.
Absolutely.
Legion's in there.
What about some podcast a lot, man?
I think Nick DePollos.
Yeah, I mean, you could put Nick's up there.
It's a great podcast that had, it's called Live From Charlottesville.
Yeah.
How many do we got so far?
I mean, I mean, I mean, you could put Nick's up there.
It's a great podcast that had, it's called Live from Charlottesville. And it's... LAUGHTER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH for today. What? Read the top 10 to... Bro, why can't WD the top 10?
Okay, why KWD is first.
Whoa!
Congrats.
I know what's second, that's a mistake.
Oh, sorry, it's like...
New York comedy seller live at the table.
It's number one.
Come town.
Yeah. And no particular order by the way.
Sure, let's just name them.
Yeah.
Good.
Four Corners.
No, no, no, no. It's not out yet. Damn, I almost Four corners. Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not how you have a-
Oh, damn, I almost got on the list.
Tuesdays with stories, two words.
I think that's a great podcast.
Right.
Keeping Joe.
Yep.
Chip Chipperson.
Yep.
Legion of Skanks.
Bang.
Us?
Yeah.
No, me.
Well, I said it twice already, but that was the order I have here.
That's a thing.
This is all fucking alpha male.
Yeah, I did what they did.
You went the wrong way. I did what they did. Yeah, what they just yeah, I did what they did that's how it happens
That's what happened you did it under the guys of you. This is your list. This is your world
This is not the New York Times list. This is not New York City's top podcast
I've had where now confusing time in New York with the New York Times. Yeah, you make a good point though
Anybody the list of so that guy's list most of the time,
you have to do a ton of research.
I think you should,
you're misrepresenting by saying,
you're making it sound like New York took a poll,
like New York City itself and all the people,
no, you did.
You did.
You did make that point.
Hello, my name is David, this is my list.
Well, if you have any more sex,
if you like New York's top podcast,
I don't think anyone other than us
gives a shit about lists.
Yeah.
I don't think any human being gives a fuck about lists.
I don't think anyone's ever seen a list and went,
I'm gonna listen to that now.
No, not you, that's not true.
You're out of your mind.
Why would they fucking,
why would assholes like him do lists all the time?
Because it's easier than doing journalism
and writing fucking articles and researching
and actually doing a fucking job. That's why they put crap like that in there
It's also easier to read and that's why they read it. Oh, but who are you?
I like when Mike laughs his face gets wider. You know when I first met him I took him to the mall and electrocuted him
Yeah, I think we have a caricature poster of of that you know those massage things with a electrocute
Yeah, no, they put through the put the massage stone
Yeah, you saw you you put turned it into an electrocute window
But I put I put them all on them and I put them all up on high and I pushed a button he we
Here we go
And he's holding it would teach up and I filmed it and then I got a character
you've done. I showed the guy a screenshot of the one like that and the guy made a
character chair of me and him together and that was the first time I met you.
And you still have that poster? Yeah, it's on a micro us. There you go.
Um, it's a honeypot. All right, so let's do another read right now real quick.
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Okay, guys, a lot of stuff happened in this week. Yeah crazy stuff, man
I mean the fucking whole industry is is flipped on its asshole
right
You talking about Harvey Harvey man, but not even that just think about I mean they pulled up the Jimmy Kimmel clip on YouTube with him
Even that just think about I mean they pulled up the Jimmy Kimmel clip on YouTube with him
What's in my pants video? Have you seen that? No Jimmy Kimmel what's in my pants? I mean Jimmy Kimmel is a you know
New Ready look click click that this is one of these things now. We're gonna go litigate the past years
If they started they started going to find this they went and found
Ben Benaflek is that his name Benaflek?
Affleck I don't know his name bet. I always say it wrong
Yeah, this is the man show back in the day when comedy was yeah, it was called the man show next thing
Yeah, but here's a thing who came it was that was in one. It was okay. It was fine.
It was funny.
The problem is we're drawing this in the same year.
Fine, just a clip, please.
We're talking about one scene.
We're talking about rape, sexual assault, coercion,
threats, horrible things.
And then we're going to go, go now doing this.
Here's why these guys get in trouble.
Right there, 145, Michael.
Because Aflik and all these guys come out and go,
I'm so shocked.
I'm shy, I didn't know. How could I can't believe and then fuckers call them out and go, I'm so shocked. I'm shy, I didn't know.
How could I can't believe and then fuckers call them out and go,
you fucking knew, shut the fuck up.
That's why this actual, listen to me watch this, make it big.
Watch this.
Yeah.
And allow to feel around on the outside of the pants,
you have 10 seconds to then guess what is in my pants. You should use two hands.
Two hands. I mean, come on. Maybe it would be easier if you put your mouth hot.
That's funny. We'll let it in a day together. Uncle Jimmy doesn't need to do time. What is this depends.
You're gonna make a fine wine.
You're gonna make a run of rubber bands.
And your guess is a fine-brader.
No, it is actually a zucchini with a rubber band on it.
Stop that.
I mean, look, man, I got no problem with that.
No, but here's what it is.
So Jimmy Kimmel's recently emerged as this kind of hero
of Democrats and the left, right?
Because he's been going at Trump and the healthcare thing
which is all fine and good.
And I think he's making a lot of great points.
But here's what happens when you become that.
And it's what happens when Amy or any of these people
get big enough and famous enough where people start saying, oh, you're a feminist and you're like, you're shaping this culture.
Yes.
And when you take that mantle on, now you're not a clown anymore or you're not just a clown.
So then people come back and go, well, here are the things that you've done, which we don't
like, because now you can't just say you're a clown anymore, because you're going out and you're making speeches about health care or you're talking about
well some people say yeah some people say the left is starting to eat itself it is
it is starting to start starting to well I mean you hear Ben like I love Ben's movie
yeah I love I like Ben Matt I like I like what they do I've always like Ben I even came to like Ben Matt. I like what they do. I've always liked Ben. I even came to like Ben as Batman, believe it or not.
Yeah.
And then, you know, when you see him up there and he's saying what he says and he's so fucking
angry.
And arrogant.
And arrogant, but he, I know that it's not phony.
His family is very political.
He's very liberal.
He grew up like that.
I mean, that's, that's not something he just became.
Right. For Ben. Yeah. And then, He grew up like that. I mean, that's not something he just became. Right.
For Ben.
Yeah.
And then, but then you see that.
And then all of a sudden, you see him acting
like a regular human.
You see him acting like us.
Yeah.
Like a regular guy trying to flirt with a girl
or get a little friendly and doing a little aggressive shit.
And then you're like, oh shit, you're not better than me.
And it kind of makes you mad. I could see how people go, you know what fuck you, dude?, you're not better than me. And it kinda makes you mad.
I could see how people go, you know what fuck you, dude?
Well, here's the other thing.
Cause you made me feel guilty.
Or you tried to make me feel shitty
for believing what I believed
or having my point of view.
And I actually, for a second,
I was like, wait a minute.
Is he, maybe he is better than me.
I think Ben Affleck, the move might have been to say,
hey, we failed spectacularly as people.
We didn't protect these women.
And we played a role knowingly, unknowingly, listen, let's be honest, knowingly in a very
fucking corrupt rotten system that allowed Harvey Weinstein.
You know, and listen, I'm not, I'm not taking any blame of Weinstein, but at the end of
the day, he had an able to swim.
But Aflet goes out there and goes, this is Shah.
I'm a pole and shot.
And this is who would know?
And then Rosemar Gowon and all these people go, this is Shah, I'm a pole. And Shah, and this is who would know.
And then Rosemar Gowon and all these people go, hey buddy,
not for nothing, you fucking knew.
Right.
And then the video comes out where you're grabbing a chicks Ted.
Because that's what now they're gonna go and him
and they're gonna go, well, if you're coming out
and lying and doubling down, what do you have in your, you know.
Yeah.
But let me ask you this though.
But it's scary because if you're honest,
you're afraid of getting backlash from that too.
Yeah, but I don't like that.
Like, they were giving guys shit
when they were like, I have daughters and I have a wife.
And they're like, go fuck yourself with that excuse.
Yeah, right?
It's like, I understand what you're saying,
but you can't.
Right. There's guys, I understand what you're saying, but you can't. Right.
There's guys that were crack addicts
that became counselors that saved lives.
Right.
You know what I mean?
That got their shit together.
They were robbing, cheating, sucking,
dick for money, all those terrible things.
Right.
And then they got helps, hit bottom, got help,
and then became a better person,
changed their lives, found religion,
or found spirituality.
And it started helping other people.
So, are they still accountable for what they did?
Yeah.
And it's not, because they're not famous,
if they ever become famous,
so are they accountable for that?
Are they?
Well, can you, because you know,
I mean, you let guys at you and Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Affleck and Matt Damon. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
you know, you Boston guys, you know what, you know what, you're Boston liberals. You know
what George said downstairs, which made a lot of sense where we're having lunch. He goes
and I had an itchy man go, um, I almost peed my pants. He said, you can still have sex with all these women.
Yeah.
You just don't have to be a piece of shit about it.
Right.
You can try to, you can try, you can respect them, take them out.
If you like somebody, you can try to take her out and talk to her and listen to her and
you know, do what we all do.
I mean, I don't think any of those girls would have a problem if he was a K
Would you like to go out with me and they would say yes or no?
And you can keep trying to be okay with the you can't do what he did. He's a piece of shit garbage
Fucking racist path monster. That's that's power that that's conversation to him with that Italian model like
Elevator yeah, roses fucking thing and that's someone feeling power slip through their fingers and just
crashed.
He's like, it's a discussing form of addiction.
Yeah.
Well, he's addicted to the fear of women.
He gets off on their trepidation, their fear.
They're crazy.
But sick.
But what that showed me is that there's a lot of probably sad women, a poor woman that
said, yes to that before,
because he was acting like when he started panicking,
he's like, he didn't think she was gonna say no.
Well, when you put it like,
he said it like, people do this for it.
And she was like, no.
And he was like, no, no, no, no, no.
And he was like, I can't let you win this.
You can't win this.
If you win this right now, I'm fucked.
Crazy. So disgusting. Crazy shit, man. Looked this up.
That being said, I got to be honest with you, that being said, he is producing my next
special because he's a great tactician and people are forgetting that.
What's it? What's it about? A story about rape and prison.
It's called live from the creek in the cave. Listen, trust me.
Hard. This is worse for jail than hard, you know.
This is a sadder for Harvey than jail.
But he said something.
Let me ask you guys.
He said something that made, wait in the line for the one bathroom.
And Cosby has said this too.
The cause is that, that generation, that when it was okay for me to do that, it was okay.
It was okay.
It was okay.
It was okay. I'm not saying it's okay. Right. But what he and his brain is saying, look, Hollywood
was that if you go before him, if you go back in the 60s and 50s, it was tough.
It's wasted. Yeah. But you could find that's what men did. You know, men, you want to be
my picture girl. You're going to have sex with me. Yeah. The cast and cal. Yeah. They
didn't actually back in the day. Well, they do probably do it now.
But they phased it out.
There's an interesting conversation Stern had with Harvey.
And he's like, do you, uh, do you have a, you know, give a girl apart for a blowjob?
He's like, no, we can't do that anymore.
Ah, and it was really just, which conversation was that?
He did, uh, so my ankle, I fucking something's eating my ankle.
This, he didn't eat, he, he, he, he, he had, he interviewed him.
And he was like, you have a, you have a, you have a, you have a, you know,
you use your power to get pulled out the shit.
You know, Stern was soundly, you know, he always asked those questions.
He's like, oh, no, no, of course, you can't do that anymore.
Those, he actually said those days are over.
And it was like, oh shit, like that, if you listen carefully to that, you're like, oh, of course, you can't do that anymore. Those he actually said those days are over. And it was like, oh shit.
Like that, if you listen carefully to that,
you're like, oh, that shit exists.
I think goes back to Hitchcock.
You know, everybody was a blonde.
He hit on all of them.
You know, he's real kind of,
if he want the part, it's what he has to say.
Every actress is foot in a movie because he loves feet.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's like this,
well, that's the other thing.
What a quick Tarantinaina. Yeah, right?
Let's open up that closet
You think he's a lot of guys right now and all the wood shit in their pants. Yes, yeah, dude
Deep how do you use a huge problem in Hollywood? What yeah, what are you nuts? Are you saying?
The abusive young five I watched the two quarries
Men and women boys and girls get you 10 for five minutes
Come on.
You wonder why you got needing problems.
Listen, I wish.
Let me do it right now.
You suck at dick for a cat nap.
I was the most fuckable kid ever.
If you see those pictures I put on high, though,
and my stupid white trash parents should have fucking sold me
and had me passed around like fucking stuffing it Thanksgiving, but they
didn't.
Probably because they were too dumb to know.
But what are they gonna make on you?
I can't make it.
Dude, you've never seen me as a kid.
It's ridiculous.
I saw you.
I just even fuck your ridiculous.
I can't see me movie writing the wrong stuff on my pants.
I'm adopting a kid.
I just look in court, but I'm like, you're so lucky.
I hope you never has kids.
You see his kid in the fucking...
No, my kid.
If I have a kid now, it's gonna be a...
It's gonna look like a fucking chicken wing.
It's not gonna be a fucking...
But man, Holly was one of those places that is very different
from what it like, it says,
like all these people get up at these award shows,
they give speeches, like, following your dream,
and it's very important,
these kids watching this right now, but the reality of what it is,
it's kind of a dark underbelly there.
It's like, it's a different type of human trafficking.
And it's a desperate thing.
And we know from our fucking little shitty part of it,
it's like, it's such a desperation business.
Everybody's afraid and scared to wind up on the outs.
Yeah, well, you're trying to get in,
you know, most of us are trying to get in for a quick hit.
Yeah, and make that're trying to get in, you know, most of us are trying to get in for a quick hit. Yeah. And make that money, make, make that money and, and get the fuck out.
So I'm out. You see these people go in, get the, get that shit and get the fuck out. Buy
a little house, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but they're smart. There are people also
too that get addicted to the power and the fame and, and being relevant. Well, you get, you
get that big. You're actually paying a lot of people's mortgages.
You're a business.
So they're the ones pushing you to go here, do this, do that.
And all these people are making money.
Publicists, lawyers, agents, managers,
I mean, photographers, clothing line,
everybody's making money off of Ryan Reynolds.
Everybody's making money.
So he's making the most money, but they're all
paying their bills with these celebrities. When they get that big up there, I mean, you
might act differently. You might have a little more confidence, but you're still a human
being. You ever see an actor fall from Grace? and they all the sudden, they start acting different.
You know what I mean?
Like you see the interviews back when there were stars
and then you see them now and they're very human.
They're very like us.
They're not as cocky.
They really handed them everything for you don't know why.
You know what I mean?
It's a weird thing.
And now it's a call to out there, man.
You go out to LA, you start to realize it like, oh, there's something going on like not to sound like a spiritual
But like dude, there's something going on
We listen we have it here too like when Bob and I started here and we can name all the managers here in New York and
Bob will tell you we know all of them what they were up to yeah, and a lot of them were up to yeah
But there's something there's something different about that yeah Yeah. That type of fame. That Harvey Weinstein that that that type of fame.
She had to get you living in a state, a gated estate. It's a different feels. You know what
I mean? Like, you're not human anymore. Yeah. Nobody is watching. You're a dutch. Yeah.
Pusk of what you were once were, you know, It's fucking weird. And I know people that became famous
and they changed their whole fucking way.
They talked to you the way they deal.
They lie.
We see that here too.
They lie easy.
Get off your phone.
I'm brutal.
I am.
Something for work.
Yeah, you don't have work.
You don't get a home depot, fuckface.
I work the same job you do.
I'm sick of email.
I have the same shit fuck face. I'm work the same job you do. And if I am the same shit fuck face.
I'm sending email, thank you, time out in New York.
Down with the white man.
Oh, it is. It really is a big.
No, I think it's an over correction.
And I think it will.
It's good.
It's not coming back.
Yeah, it will.
It's not coming back.
When he will come back.
Tim, it's not coming back.
You don't think so?
It's not coming back, buddy.
It might, we might get in there again a little bit like next year. He might have somebody
because he got called out. Yeah. You know, whatever. People might be like, dude, your list
was a little fucking lopsided. I believe funny will win. And it may be long term, long term
I think there's only two places for a fucking white guy. All right. I'll work harder to
be that fucking white. I think funny will win. I'm not even talking about race here. I'm
talking about the elevation of mediocrity
for any reason.
Oh, sure.
Finder and everything.
But it's mediocrity is the king right now.
I understand.
I fucking, I look at money all out last it.
I think so.
I believe that.
Well, you know what's gonna happen for that to happen?
It's the whole business has to die.
And here's the thing.
It has to die.
This has to die.
It needs to keep going out, media.
It has to die.
It is this whole thing.
All right, let me finish my point.
Can you stop saying it is dying after I say it has to die?
What are you guys saying?
Shut up.
What the fuck?
You were saying it's dying?
It's dying.
It has to fall apart, dead.
Comedy clubs have to go under like it did in the 90s when they had the big
boom in the 80s and they went away and fucking died.
And then it's going to happen.
And then only then will real truly funny people be around because all those phonies are
going to be like, I can't, I'm not doing it anymore.
There's not crowds.
People don't use me.
And I'm out.
Have these people don't even do stand up.
The people that you're talking about that are on the list of the interview shows that don't do stand up
they are literally creatures of the digital age they are on twitter and
nowhere else
and they are never doing any live comedy
so the reality the situation is their goal is to write fucking bullshit
clickbait articles or whatever they want to do right
there a function of this climate they owe their entire success
to donald. Trump without him
All of these fuckers and I'm talking about Saturday night live fuck you washing and posing New York Times
Have the shit on Comedy Central. By the way, thank Donald Trump for making you relevant
Yeah Relevant Yeah, without Trump in Hillary was in the office right now have these fuckers would have nothing to do
This is the word I don't know what you it sounds like a retarded kids forgot the words
I love when you give speeches. Oh, I'm sorry. There's nothing better than a Tim Dylan rant
But you know American ran, but you know it's on my fuck you know what
But you know American ran, but you know what you know what
Tim Dylan said it's all gonna come down. It's happening down
Let me tell you something you owe it good Trump. He saved your lives because you were going nowhere
How many how many, you enjoy it?
Does Trump game it to you, dude?
But it is, man, how many shows?
It's a funny look at social and cultural issues.
Yeah, is it?
And by the way, would you need to do that?
If you had Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden in,
so are you gonna give the Emmys back?
SNL?
Yeah.
Give the Emmys back?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they gonna? No, they're not, but that's the reality. But it's funny because
everybody was like, okay, fuck Harvey and they tried to attack Harvey, but the people like
Rose McGarran was attacking. There was a certain, they were not having people make jokes about
Harvey Weinstein because what's his name? the fat little chubby late night guy.
Since made joke. Yeah, he made a joke that he got that he got in trouble for.
He had apologized, which is again, uh, uh, what was the joke he made?
Do you know, it was retarded. What was it?
But he was a thing with him. He's a thing with him.
You can't be that guy and then expect to not get that, not get mad at you.
You are a fucking, not, I'm not trying that not get mad at you. You are a fucking
Not I'm not trying to be a dick here, but you are a fucking I don't want I don't want you are a fucking network
Late-night host who fucking is on the cover of women's magazines and fucking has a show where you sing songs with
Celebrity you're not a bold truth tell. Yeah, yeah, So don't fucking act like you can go out and be edgy now.
And people are supposed to be down.
All right, listen, but who is?
Who is edgy?
Yeah, who can talk about this?
You can say whatever you fucking want,
because you're real comic.
And you're not fucking, you're not fucking in a car.
You're not, you're not,
you're a listen malano going, there'll be days like,
you know, like,
wait a second, like that's all. Yeah. Anybody can say anything you're not you're not the
arbiter like what you can do. I'm not saying I'm the
arbiter. He gets in a car and sings. It doesn't mean he still can't have an
opinion. He could have an opinion but people are gonna get angry at him because
people are gonna get bad and mad at anybody's people are gonna get mad at anybody.
You have an opinion.
No, but because listen, here's the deal.
This is what you're opinion right now.
I mean, if I feed you bullshit food all the time,
then I'll have something I slip a vegetable.
That's what the fuck is that?
That's what it is.
Here's the thing, Lenny,
he's making millions and millions of dollars
to not be edgy, to not be controversial.
To be safe.
He has no problem cashing those fucking checks.
And then he says something edgy and controversial
and people get mad at him.
And then by the way, he goes and fucking apologizes right away.
So you pick the wrong horse with who you defend.
It's like I'm not I'm just saying that he doesn't matter.
If it that's the way his game is being played,
it's they're not gonna take the show away
from for one comment.
No, I know, but if you're gonna be a fucking
Thank anybody for that. I'm just move the camera. I'm just saying this
Listen, yeah, settle down your pumpkin for cheeks. I'm not you just move my camera. I'm just saying this
But you move the camera you fuck up Zach you fuck up Zach. You're gonna deal with Zach. I can't control Zach
Look at Zach. Do you want to fuck with Zach? We don't even know what race we do Oh, what is it? I don't control that. Look at Zach, do you want to fuck with Zach? We don't even know what rings out.
We do.
Oh, what is it?
I don't know.
I'm thinking black something.
The joke was probably dumb anyway.
And it just looks the optics of it are bad.
You're in a Hollywood ballroom and you're making fun
of fucking shit.
And it's like the optics are coming out.
Yeah, listen here's the deal.
I have to say, I understand you're saying
he's not a comic.
He's this and that.
I'm not saying he's not a comic.
He's kind of chosen his lane. I know,'s he's he was trying to do a joke. Yeah, he was trying to do it in the name of funny
So when you try something and funny and then Rose McGowan who I don't think has a really good sense of humor about
Any of this shit right now. I really don't think she wants to have
Here any of this shit and she called him a little fucking
Shut the fuck up. What is anti-bordane? Shut the fuck up.
What is anti-bordane become like some tastemaker?
Cause he fucking what?
Made chili?
Why is he not even a cook?
He's not even a cook.
He cooked for like two days.
What the fuck is this guy?
You know, all he is, he's a taster.
He's a professional.
He's been going and seriously exploiting
some fucking African village to find out
what they, what kind of brazenly.
Exactly.
What was the joke
you don't wait stop stop stop stop stop one second
I get a stop talk in you gotta stop yapping
what he was in the middle of a rant and you're going what's the joke what's the
joke that was shut the fuck up that was all I had to say I know I know you hate
Anthony board day I understand that all these fake these are I love Anthony
board day but I'm starting not to like this guy because it's like, okay, you wrote a food blog.
Yeah.
Okay.
Somebody told you that you were great.
You got a big thing and you left went to CNN and all of a sudden you're, you're, you're
a, you're, you're an intellect.
Well, he is poetry shit at the end.
I get it, but it's not that great.
He's a deal.
You know, you know, I days in Bangladesh, you know,
the night's here, a dim, a slice of spicy,
but not as spicy as the people.
Are you branching out?
I don't know what you want for these people.
They just want to, that's the plan.
They want to be heroes.
They want to be heroes.
They don't branch out to you.
I don't think he's thinking I'm being hero.
I think he is.
Of course he is.
No shot.
He's just giving his opinion at his celebrity status. He's using his status. I'm being a hero. I think he is. Of course he is. No shot. He's just giving his opinion at his celebrity status.
He's using his status.
I'm not saying it.
I'm saying Bordantic.
He's a hero.
Okay.
But here's the whole thing.
All of them will say what they're using this
levy status.
Now they have people who listen to him and now he'll say something.
What are you supposed to do though?
Yes.
There's a thing that where I mean, it's because back in the day,
you didn't have the social media to immediately talk to people.
Now he does.
He would have to wait till his show,
or, you know, to do something for somebody
to have people have his opinion.
But now it's so immediate,
he can just go to Twitter and tell a million people
what the fuck he thinks.
That's the problem. People don't have pause. They don't have a pause button what the fuck he thinks. That's the problem.
People don't have pause.
They don't have a pause button on their social media accounts
and they just go and re-gurgitate.
Shit, you used to tell your wife or a lamp,
you know what I mean?
Or a wall, now you're just telling the world.
Yeah.
And I think it's bad.
Play this, I wanna hear this,
I'll see how fucking bad it is.
I hear it now, it's so beautiful. Harvey Weinstein has already asked tonight up to his hotel to give him the massage.
All right, stop.
Yeah, it's a dumb joke. It's a dumb joke. He shouldn't have done it.
They would done it. And it needs benefit. And it looks bad.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I am.
It doesn't Harvey Weinstein throw the party. He's too good at it.
He's being lenient like, what AM for? I was, I'm spaying. He and Lenny are like,
what, is that an radio station?
Yeah.
AM for?
Is that how it's like?
Yeah, I'm talking radio.
Gabby.
Doesn't Harvey Weinstein throw the Amp for parties?
That's just a rant in fact.
Is it?
Yeah.
I think.
I think.
I know Mike Trappy had you.
So I'm going to go to the mic.
I don't know.
Well, don't talk to Mike like that. I love you. I love you.
Mike was here first, okay?
Mike's before you.
Yeah, I be, how do you feel?
If I offered you, have you ever been, if I offered you,
I was gonna give you a scenario.
Listen, if you want this job,
you do what Mike did to get this scratch, my ankle.
Have you ever been, as anybody ever done that to you,
a club owners or anybody?
Creepy shed all the time.
Really? Like what?
Can you, I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.
But like, give me an example.
I don't know what.
Because I don't think guys know what creepy is anymore.
Creepy changes all the time.
We change as a culture so much every year,
every five years, every 10 years, things become unacceptable.
You know, I have that joke of my actor.
It's like, oh, the men of the men back in the day,
you know, the 20s, how great men they were.
They used to walk women to the car and open the door
and a woman would come to the table.
They'd all sit up and rise and see the woman
and all nine times out of 10, women, woo!
I go, relax, they also hit them and then let them vote.
Yeah.
And they're like, oh, shit, yeah, those guys were pretty shitty.
Guys, we've changed out of this stuff.
I think you know what's creepy.
Okay, tell me what's creepy.
It's not, it's not even just creepy.
It's like possessive, you know what I mean?
A boss will be like, oh, I got you this gig.
So now just, why don't you sit down and have a drink with me.
It's just like, very subtle sleeves. Right. mean, subtle sleeves. Good name for a podcast.
Yeah. Good title. Okay. Settle sleeves. Really subtle sleeves. So that's sleazy. Yeah.
But you could just tell. But how do you let me ask you question. How does a guy, how do you
go about picking up a girl now? When you you know, subtle sleaze is some guys fucking skill.
Well, it's like, hey, what's up?
You look for you, you know, whatever cheesy lines is,
what's the difference between a cheesy line
or trying to pick up a girl on this uncomfortable subtle sleaze?
I don't think there are, I don't think pick up lines
just don't work anymore.
I think it's gonna be totally transparent and honest. I think if you, I don't think pick up lines just don't work anymore. I think you need to be totally transparent and honest.
I think if you're honest about everything,
like what?
Give me an example.
It's like, hey, I'm like, if you're hooking up with someone,
I'm a girl right now, you met me at a bar.
Hey, what's up?
I thought you were funny.
Thanks.
I love you, Magnum, PI mustache.
Oh, thanks so much.
I'm gonna go get a few.
Feel a lot better.
Throw you.
Yeah, but cheeks.
Did you say you're gonna eat my ass off? That works every time. Well, listen, that's a good answer. Yeah, but cheeks. Did you say you can eat my ass off?
That works every time.
Well, listen, that's what I'm after.
That's what I'm after.
That's what you're after.
It was nice to meet you.
So you'd accept that more than what that other guy said to you.
Yes.
What?
No, no.
One of the problems with our rotten culture is that there's now this umbrella, which includes everything,
rape, sexual assault, misred signals, uncomfortable feelings, harassment.
There's this whole thing where it's like, when you start glumping everything in together,
and you don't delineate between these different things, some of these things are crimes,
you should be in jail for years for.
Like rape, sexual assault.
Some of these things like misred signals are like, I really thought you liked me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
I was over the line some of these things are uncomfortable. It is what it is
Some of these things are are appropriate in a social setting, but not no work setting
some of these things are
Appropriate because certain cultures so you things works for cultures. They don't rush in work
You can't pick up a girl. I mean, I think you gotta be very, very careful.
So if me and you work together, right, at a job,
and I was like, and I met my wife at work.
Yeah.
I met my wife at work.
I don't think that's weird.
She blew me on a rock on our first date.
A rock.
How big was that rock?
I was gorgeous back then.
Yeah, but rock, mountain. She blew me up. I was a fat back then
Can you please adjust your jokes?
Seriously because it's not gonna work sexy Bobby was a big part of my understand of this whole show
I'll go watch it. I'll go watch it. I'll go watch the act. You can watch the act and then I'll get back to you
It's a big watch the act do whatever you want whatever you want to say
Because your act isn't that good either okay?
Fucking height machine if you weren't gay wouldn't be as far as you are listen the fact is I'm kidding
I have one gay joke. Yeah, well 40 minutes. Yeah, fuck you're on a list listen. I
Was gay, you know pal
No, that's gorgeous and that's not a sexy Bobby. It's good. It's the fault. My stars go back to sexy Bobby
That's sexy Bobby. That's good.
That's the fault in our stars.
Go back to sexy Bobby.
Oh, the one right there.
Go back, go back.
No, that's not me.
Keep going, keep going.
Clutch your purse, Bobby.
Okay.
That's that, they'll go over to the middle one.
That's dangerous, Bobby.
Oh, there we go.
That's dangerous, Bobby.
And my P.D.
Blue.
That's dangerous, Bobby.
Scroll down.
Oh, keep going on.
Okay.
Whoa, Robert Kelly, this, this sexy, Bobby. That's not even sexy, Bobby scroll down. Oh, keep going out. Okay. Whoa, whoa, Robert Kelly this, this
sexy Bobby. That's not even sexy Bobby though. There's this, uh, premier blend. That's comedy
center young gun Bobby. Keep going. Where's high self esteem, Bobby? He's never existed.
He's not over existing. Who's that guy? He's that old guy over there. That's, that's me
in the future. That's me in 20 years. That's daddy. That's Rex Tillerson.
Bobby. Yeah, that's hilarious. Ah, look at all these. Look at all the fucking metamorphosis of me.
Who knew the worst. Look at that's the worst head shot I've ever taken, Bobby.
Let me see that. I love that. The white background. I love that so much. Look at that that one click on it. I hated that photographer
Serious. Oh terrible. Oh
Make your eyes uneven
Can you look at the ring in my finger?
Look at the ring that had to be cut off
Because you wear like an $80 watch that would help help us. That's a $5,000 brightling you fucking watch.
And you want it to $5,000 brightling you dumb fuck.
I've never had a brightling watch.
Yeah, I know you don't.
You will though.
You will keep it up.
You will.
And you will have a fucking roll.
I put it three roll.
Do you really?
Two roll.
Yeah, you got fight.
You got money.
Tyrant New York sent me a roll.
Tyrant New York sent me a roll.
Tyrant New York sent me a roll.
Tyrant New York sent me a roll.
Tyrant New York sent me a roll.
Tyrant New York sent me a roll. Tyrant New York sent me a roll. Tyrant New York sent me a roll. Tyrant New York sent me a roll. Tyrant New York sent me a Rolex. You got kid money, okay? I'm a real Rolex. If I had fucking
glomming parents, I would have been sent out to
with sexy Bobby. Can you make your left ear
brighter than your right ear? You really had to get that
joke out me and Tim was going at it.
I'm gonna fucking pick the side. You fucking shit,
joke. Where's the bomb bandana, by the way?
Lauren take that with her.
He's where I at. That's it. That's where. I, uh, that's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's it.
There's no more.
Um, anyways, I don't know.
I think it's, uh, I think we're evolving.
I think you can't hold people accountable for what they did or what they were taught.
I mean, I think it's, you have to, all the stuff the way you pick up chicks, movies when
I came up with porquies.
Yeah. Movies like that where you're peeking in
and watching Girl's Shower.
It was totally acceptable to fucking look at girls
through a whole shower and in the locker room.
At what point it was all in place?
But if you put that in the movie now, you'd be fucked.
Yeah, okay?
You just can't, we've changed.
Yeah.
So why wouldn't a kid try to look at women
naked in a shower in a high school or a college
setting?
If you got caught doing it now, you'd be fucking kicked out of school, labeled a rapist
and a whatever the fuck up.
But that's what you did.
Right, right.
But that like late, like that's wrong behavior, completely wrong, but that is not like
rape.
That's not what Harvey did.
Right, right, right, right, right.
But you have to, you have to raise kids.
No, but what Tim was saying, there's different levels,
like making some of you uncomfortable
or misreading signals is not like sexual assault.
There's like a difference.
But to say that that is like assault
is doing a disservice to those that have been assaulted.
So I think there needs to be a different page in the language.
But we can't say what is wrong,
unless you've been assaulted, it seems like We can't say what is wrong, unless you've been assaulted,
it seems like you can't say what is right or wrong.
Yeah.
Am I right?
Like, they seem to come after you too,
even if you're trying to,
I think sometimes if you're not assaulting people,
then you're not being assaulted, it's like,
it was a burp.
It's like stay out of the conversation.
Stay out of the conversation. That's the other thing. It's like, well, we can be in the conversation a little bit
But at the end of the day, it's just kind of like you're not doing anything wrong. Nothing's wrong. He's being done to you
Yeah, it's that's for a reason. Like that's for a reason. It's just kind of like
It's it's the end of the day if you're not doing anything creepy and and people aren't doing it to you
It's like, you know, it is happening out there. It's widespread.
Women are fucking dealing with all kinds of shit.
They're being open about it.
Guys are changing because of it, which is fucking great.
It is great.
And you know what I mean?
My kid's not gonna be, I mean, look,
I was a piece of shit my whole life, actually.
Yeah.
I've done stuff, I regret.
Nothing like Harvey Weinstein, but I mean,
but back then it was, you know,
how you met each other, you know, and how you fucked around.
Which, hold me on this rock.
You know, whatever.
My wife.
I don't even, if my wife wasn't slutty,
we would have beautiful macks today.
I mean, it's the way it is.
I mean, it's just the way the fuck it is.
I mean, she fucking sucked my dick in a rock.
And I got her to do it.
I think she said, Nippie Lock.
I think she said, she's like, in Iraq.
Yeah, we were helping the Taliban in the US.
But it's like, it's like, if fuck, man, how do you know?
But my kid now, I got to teach him a whole fucking new set of rules.
His movies, there, there's nothing like the movies I grew up with.
It's nothing like the lifestyle I grew up with.
But so then do you think that if you watch like Porquies today,
it's within your right.
I wouldn't let my kid watch Porquies.
Well, you're not gonna let your kid watch Porno.
He's gonna get into that too.
So it's like people get into.
I'm gonna let him watch Porno, you nuts.
I'm gonna get him into slush.
So like if you watch a movie like that today,
it was in a completely different time.
Are you within your right to be like,
this is horrible.
Don't watch this.
What do you mean?
Like a lot of people flip that now.
Yeah, yeah, like there's this whole thing of like,
let's let's view something from 20 years ago
and then compare it to culture today.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Yeah, right.
That's what I've been saying for the last fucking 10 minutes.
Is that you compare what the fuck?
Why didn't he say that you go, yeah,
no, I've been saying if a 10 minutes you guys
have been fucking arguing with me
Well, I'm saying is what you say Gabby? It's wearing a bandana. Yeah, it makes more sense
I mean on Lenny and my fucking out of my mind. No, you're going you circling back around
Well, nobody's nobody disagree with you. I don't think people I think people's art is art
It stands on his merits is like going around and seeing like oh, we're how we're trans people portrayed like it's
He can't go back it's really hard to go back. So can you go back with Ben Affleck or whatever the fuck
his name is and watch a video of him as a teenage young actor who just want to know, being
an obnoxious fucking pervert with a girl who admittedly says I had no problem with what
he did. If he's going to be the standard bearer of the democratic party and he's going to go out and he's going to tell all these Republicans how dumb they fucking
are. Guess what? Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, look at his little fuck. You're going to go
and tell everybody how to live their life. Man, you better make sure you're living your
life right? So you say, I think he's right. I think you're opening up for it. But as the
vitriol, which you said it with, I don't think is correct.
You know, I think, uh,
your vitriol was a little off.
I don't think he's saying he's the standard bearer of the democratic party.
I just said we need to be better than this.
Listen to me.
I think he's ramen Kennedy pig and you came should have had his head fucking smashed.
Like,
then you look like every Kennedy out there
I'm gonna listen all I'm saying is this
I think Lenny Grease may at the end of the day
it's like
Lenny Grease of me
Lenny Grease of me everything I do
listen I don't think he does
I'm gonna get a phone call later from Lenny
listen I think he's right
I think he's absolutely right
if you're gonna go out there
and it goes back to what you're saying
if you're gonna go out there and fucking yap,
then you're gonna have to take that responsibility.
Yeah, you're gonna have to take it.
Yeah.
If you're gonna keep your mouth shut,
I don't think you should be bringing up fucking shit
from back in the day with people and expo Jimmy Kimmel.
I mean, look, he caused me or any of these people just tried to.
That sketch, especially, was written by the president.
Well, yeah, but no, I'm talking about this sketch.
I know.
I don't think you think you should be, no, listen, I'm not saying that you should be,
but I'm saying these are the things,
it's right and wrong and shouldn't, shouldn't,
that's like child stuff.
There's a reaction, there's what's happening.
And you can look at something and hold.
Hang on a second.
I too, when I get nervous.
Why is it happening and you go,
oh, because entertainers are now entering
a realm of politics.
When you enter the realm of, and I'm not saying that you should.
Are you gonna do that?
No.
You're entering, you're starting to become famous.
You're starting to be get stuff.
I'm becoming none of it.
I'm saying listen, I'm serious.
I'm saying no, don't say no because you're lying.
You don't say no to me because you're lying.
You're gonna be, but you're saying something that's not true.
Okay, I have good things happening.
You listen, so don't fucking lie to me.
Okay, I'm gonna ask Hall if you stop lying and I'm just like,
what the fuck?
I mean, be honest.
I'm honest, I'm being honest.
You got stuff going on.
You're very political.
You have a very strong fucking opinion, which I love.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's one of the thing everybody loves about you.
Yeah.
But you're gonna be representing fucking companies.
Yeah. Corporate America. Are you gonna shut the fuck up? No, okay?
So you're gonna go on your podcast or go on these level of
Insass will never what but near you're out of your mind. You don't think you don't you have no you can maybe I'll shut up
Well, you can base that on nothing pizza
You can base that on nothing. You have no idea how big you're going to get.
You could get very big. I think, personally, I think Tim Dillon has the potential to become hugely
successful in this business. Well, it's very sweet. Thank you. I do. From day one, from day one.
Yeah. James Corden. No, I'm saying that you have the potential to do that because of your
I'm saying that you have the potential to do that because of your who you are and your comicability.
You're a very unique person.
So are you going to right now have you thought about that and go, look, I'm going to have
to shut my fat pie hole.
I've thought about that.
I might have to think more before I speak.
There you go, because they could take.
Are you going to?
Yeah, good.
Sorry.
I'm to further your point.
They could take anything from this show and clip it.
Yep, absolutely.
And use it again.
I wouldn't say anybody.
I mean, on any show he does from here on in,
if you become a CEO,
when you're a Kenyjian,
I feel like if you're a comedian,
you have to be a comedian.
And at the end of the day,
if you become another thing great,
but there are different rules for different people.
And I fight like hell to have the comics,
the rules for comics be that we are trying to be funny.
And that we fail in that pursuit
and we can offend people in that pursuit.
But at the end of the day, we are trying to have funny.
And I believe, and I fight like hell for that.
But once you step out of that
and try to become something else,
then that protection is wrong.
Okay, that's why I'm never going
to be the got like I will I will talk about what I believe in, but I'm never going to be
a person who makes that a part of my identity on a level where people will say, oh, that's
not a comic. That guy's more, you know what I mean? I just want to make the point. You say
that right now in this room. Yeah. You not know what's going to happen.
It's gonna save five years.
I can he'll sell out the shaman.
Exactly.
I have for that.
I'm sure I would, but I can't predict.
I can only speak from where I sit now.
I know.
Then it's very easy to listen to you.
Lenny, what am I omniscient?
I'm going to be God.
I'm going to speak for.
That's what I'm trying to say.
I'm trying to say years with TOTINO.
Hey, well, that's what I'm trying to tell you.
I will absolutely eat the rolls and shut my mouth. You sound very hypocritical because you're taking a shot at Ben Aff. That's why I'm trying to say years when Totino I'm trying to tell you absolutely
I'll eat the rolls and shut my mouth
You sound very hypocritical because you're taking a shot at Ben Affleck
But it's gonna be very
I finished my point for one second and I'll let you say
Shut the fuck up Tim, let somebody talk
I know you used to be in on your dumb show going
And fucking thin lips just shutting his face
Let Lenny fucking talk for once
Five years from today, the show's a ahead of yours is a hit, whatever.
And you're on the tour with us.
And the Republican party calls you off.
It says we're gonna give you some lobbyist goes,
$2 million to come to the whatever 2020 election
and say five words.
And we're gonna throw you two million.
And then somebody finds out about it.
You're gonna have to defend that going back.
So you don't know what's going on to the point of
the future is so
muddled for you right now that you can end up being in the exact Ben Affleck situation
so just be careful.
That's the point.
We'll criticize me.
There you go.
And that's the way the world works.
Alright, let's wrap this up.
Let's wrap this up.
How do you do that?
You're fucking nuts.
Fuck it up, fuck it.
Vitoral means cruel and bitter criticism.
Just for all the dummies like me who went,
yeah, that's true.
And these two fucking well-read guns,
I'm sorry.
But I'm with the fuck it is.
Vitoral.
I think you got prescribed Vitoral.
I think that's it.
Did you know what it was? It's a piece of crap. Hey man, I was jailed, alright? You got prescribed I think that's it
Hey man, I was a jail right?
I had no schooling or a paratory. That's why whatever I did does not count
Sexy Bob All right, listen, let's wrap this up
A very interesting show man. I was excited to do this show. I really fucking Tim Lenny and Ian a very, very fun
episode of YKW. I want to thank all the fans who've become premium members. Show them
up on the road. I hope you show up to these guys gigs. Tell them you're a fan of the YKW
and support these guys on the road. Anytime they're about to announce their dates, bring
up my dates, please. And they this, this is you show the love you go to their shows by a ticket,
bring as many friends as you can and have a good time.
Anybody talks at the so tell them to shut the fuck up and stick up for these guys
and and go up after the show and and tell me you heard them on the YKWD podcast.
So we're going to go around the room right now.
Again, thank the premium members you joined up.
We got some great stuff going on Patreon.
It's happened in the next month or so.
And what else?
That's about it.
So Tim, what do you got, buddy?
TimNilacomedy.com.
You can sign up and I'll email you a link to get tickets
for my tour bus show for the New York Comedy Festival.
Which is fucking a great show.
People have a lot of fun.
We take a tour bus to New York City.
Also in December, I'm atubby's in Baltimore in January. I'm at
Lath Boston in Boston. Awesome love boss. One of my favorite cities. Love doing
comedy there. How much time do you do when you headline? You're doing 45 right now.
They light me at 45 and then I do like probably another five to ten minutes.
Yeah, so over on 50. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. That's great. What's that?
He headlined in San Antonio last year and the manager still is favorite week of over on 50. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. That's great. Um, what's that? Oh, he had
lined up in San Antonio last year and the manager still is still his favorite week of the
year. So awesome. Man. Thank you. I had a great time there. A lot of people don't like that,
but I had a great time. I actually had lined up this year too. He did. You were in the last
year. You were in the better. I'm getting. I'm getting. I'm getting. The honey button. No, Tim.
One, I mean, one of my favorites. You're one of my favorites.
And I'm fucking, I'm glad things are going well for you, buddy.
What's your website?
TimDillComedy.com.
TimDill and Lenny, what do you got?
Lenymarkis.com, you know where I'll be.
I'll be at the comedy seller most times.
And we have four corners podcast coming up.
I can't wait for you guys.
Is it, is it, is it coming?
Is it out there already?
No, it's not up to that. Yeah, it's coming great podcast
Next time we get in the show we're gonna talk about all this Kevin Brennan shit. Oh goody
What happened? Oh forget it. I'm fucking this drop it. All right, sorry, but Lenny's Lenny's not fucking around
And it's it's you know, here's the. You can play around with somebody, you can torture somebody, you can bully somebody
for so long, and two things are gonna happen.
You're really gonna, you fucking nose punched,
you're gonna wind up on your fucking asshole.
Yeah.
Or someone's, they go the other way.
Yeah.
And they go, you know, and they start getting it,
making it serious.
And, you know, once it starts affecting your livelihood
and the fucking shit like that, you know, a joke's a joke should joke. Yeah, but you know torturing somebody's life and family. Yeah, all the thing
You know, yeah, so team Lenny
Listen just don't be dicks. That's it
Dude, don't be dicks. Yeah, we're it's all that we're just on it. It's a podcast. Yes, I got sakes
Yeah, I'm in one of the top 10 Yeah, of the white of the YKWD top 10 list that came out. Yeah.
The New York top YKWD Bobby Kelly.
Gabby and Mike list.
Yeah.
Geez. No, you didn't. One day. One day I will. You'll be on the list. I gotta work. I gotta work.
I'm gonna have you thought about working. No, no, no, no, I'm gonna put him on the list.
Whoa. You're 10 list. Wow. I'm bumping some of you off. off your number 10. Thank you. You're not three. You definitely shouldn't be three
You're podcast good, but it's an hour
His name is melting. What is it? His shave dices. He's about so melted
My cheesecake. I'm a bit. Well, yeah, we get the podcast coming out Lenny Marcus dot com correct
NYC. What is it? No Twitter is Lenny Marcus NYC
Do me a favor. No, not one of the funniest guys
I know I mean seriously murders the seller every week
murders funny good guy
Everybody loves Lenny. I do lunch with Lenny every Tuesday
A lot sometimes I do lunch with Liz now because I like Liz better, but listen
I love Liz and the free the foods free
better, but listen. I love the, and the fruits, the foods free.
All right, so there you go.
Ian, what do you got tonight?
Oh, yes.
Tonight.
I'll be at the bill.
First time.
Yeah.
First time at the pussy cat.
Yeah.
We're upstairs at the lounge.
Sold out.
All right.
Tonight's sold out tomorrow.
Almost sold out.
I think a couple seats left killer.
Yeah.
So if you're coming down and you wanted to come,
just get on standby or tomorrow, get your tickets now,
because there's literally like probably four tickets left for tomorrow night. Yeah, I'm excited, man
And also do people come out to show us I have in the city and say they hear me on my kid up
Eat stuff so I gotta thank it. That's why I love the show. I appreciate it
I've literally people really kind to me man get off your phone. What you on the camera? I fucking minutes
I don't need you I don't need you about my I don't need you help.
I don't need you help.
I don't need it.
I don't need it.
I don't need it.
I don't need you help.
I don't want your help as nothing.
It's two people.
All right.
I don't need it.
Not yet.
When you become big.
All right.
Come back on the show.
You can do whatever you want.
I got a 5500 phone.
Yeah.
That's fucking it.
Wow.
It's hilarious.
Just stay off the phone.
You're on. You see that? I gave you a a one shot today a one shot because you're so big
That's a little big that's very wonderful. You're big. That's not right. You're big
You know in five years people can be like we used to be able to just say to somebody you're giving you one shot because you're a pig
I didn't say big I said big. Okay, you heard pig
So we have to show tomorrow night
Okay, well, you heard pig.
So we have to show tomorrow night tonight. And then we have a show Saturday night, Saturday.
Yeah, you know, Windsor, Connecticut, you know, I tried to get Lenny to
fucking do a mustache competition.
Two weeks, two fucking weeks.
I don't know.
I can't do that.
Listen, two weeks, we grow mustache at the end of two weeks,
whoever has the best mustache, wins 200 bucks. Whoa. Why wouldn't you do that with me? I two weeks we have as the best mustache wins
200 bucks whoa why wouldn't you do that with me all judge because they're the best
monster yeah you have a great magnum p.i. I think I'm gonna get you know why can't we do it
I don't want to do it when you like to and that'd be fun great just a mustache
great at what are you yelled at you get yelled at and you fucking- You learn your lesson.
When you get on the phone every five seconds.
Listen buddy, what buddy?
I'm trying to do the right thing.
What's the right thing?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Saturday night we're in Windsor, Connecticut, right?
Friday night, Pekipsi, laugh it up.
I'm with two cute, what's his name again?
Mike Feeney.
Uh, we're up there. Uh, it's gonna be great.
Then, uh, like I want to be to come up, will you just tell him I'll get,
we'll work out a date. Just get a date.
You take the train up, buddy. It's hard to get off the train.
It's there. Keep going back and forth on dates.
What am I? You're managing? I'm calling.
I'm a fucking. What do you want me to say to him?
Lenny? Oh, by the way, sorry. I work it out.
I remember, I can't remember my fucking name. I had radio this morning. I forgot. Ian, we're way, I work it out. I can't remember my fucking name,
I had radio this morning, I forgot.
Ian, I'm gonna remember you have fucking your plugs.
Thanks for that.
E-N-F-I-N-F-I-E-A-N-C-E.com.
Instagram at I-Animal,
and I'm gonna be in LA next week,
the 23rd to the 30th.
So really listening out there, coming to hang out.
Okay. Okay, thank you. So coming up and hanging out. Okay.
Okay, thank you.
So Boston Vermont November.
Thanks, bye.
He's talking to you.
October 20th, laugh it up for me.
21st Treehouse Comedy in Windsor, Connecticut.
Windsor Locks, Connecticut.
And then the 27th, I'm the Bennington Center for Arts.
Bennington Vermont.
And then the next night, I'm in co, what is that?
Co-host.
Co-host and music called Co-host, New York.
Where is that?
It's, they're all been eating the, that area.
Oh, shit.
All right.
So check that out the next night.
And of course, I'm at Morty's comedy joint in Indianapolis.
I'm back there in November.
And then comics come home, big big show 17,000 people.
November 18th and then I'm going to San Diego.
I love you.
You have a go to American comedy company.
Great.
Wow.
What a club.
Do it.
Towns.
San Diego is the best.
Raytown 75 and sunny guacaboli on every corner.
I would love to do a tour with fucking Tim.
We would just eat ourselves.
Yeah.
Oh, just the food called the coffins of comedy
We could do a who die competition
And then brokerage Gotham comedy club in December 22nd. I'll be doing a guest spot. Oh, I'm sure you can come by
Can I get my guest spots my hometown club? Of course you can. Seven minutes. All right, listen you guys are the best Robert Kelly live dot com for all my dates
seven minutes. All right, listen, you guys are the best Robert Kelly live.com for all my dates. Please become a premium member. I got this week, premium members. Listen, last week show is a
little fucking choppy. I know it was I had to do what I had to do in Philly. It was a live show
outside. That was a pretty good show. The audio was a little fucked up. The video was a little
fucked up, but we did. We did. But I got an insane show coming out.
I got two, I got two one on one's going behind the thing, the premium wall, and I'm also gonna put the episode
where Lewis J Gomez has a blowjob competition
with Bailey J and he has to suck my dick.
What?
And he blows me at the village underground.
I had to take it down because Lewis was on the last comic
standing. And I got the phone call. Remember, so remember what the whole conversation we're having?
You know, do a real house dude. Fuck who gives a shit? Hey, bro, can you take that down?
Last comic stand was like, listen, you got anything fucked up on the internet? Get out. House, the house
always wins. Yeah, he fucking called me up. He's like, dude, I gotta take it down.
So I took it down, recently called them up and say,
can I put that back up?
I don't give a fuck, fuck them.
Uh-huh.
And it's going back up for premium members only.
So join now, because that's going up this week.
Oh yeah, you FaceTiming was barely, Jay.
Thank you for that.
I did.
I do a lot of good things for you, fucks.
You do, thank you guys.
Thank you, Bobby.
I fucking love you guys.
Lenny, you too. I love you guys. So. I love you guys. I fucking love you guys. Lenny, you too. I love you guys.
I love you, man. Thank you. Yeah, that's going up. And I also have an insane podcast going up.
What the guy you started the comedy seller? And no, the owner of the comedy seller. So that's
going up to hilarious. He actually started the comedy seller and then found out he started the Akul Kuh,
which was the big comedy club in Boston
that started it all.
What's it called?
Akul Kuh.
Actually, Ding Hull.
The Ding Hull, not the Akul Kuh, the Ding Hull.
Which is the, like, it was a whole movie about it.
Yeah.
Lenny Clark.
Yeah, when Stan, everybody.
When Stan ups do it out.
I was in Boston, like the amount of comedy history
in Boston is crazy. It's fucking crazy.. I was in Boston like the amount of comedy history in Boston is crazy
It's fucking like I was hanging out there
We just talking about all these dudes like Don Gavin all these guys. I didn't know about who were watching my hilarious
Crow early. What's your name Christine? Like yeah, a lot of those like you know, just amazing people very funny
Yeah, the history and it's crazy and that when comp when's comp oh
Stand up when stand up stood out is a it was a great documentary. Check that out.
I wanna watch that.
You should, it's about the ding-
It's about the ding-ho.
Yeah.
And I did a podcast with the guy who started all this stuff.
So, that's coming out this week too.
So thank you for that.
What do you got?
Gabby, you've been fucking great.
Oh my God, thanks.
What'd you think?
I had a party.
It was a party.
You had a good time?
Yeah.
All right, good.
I like Gabby. What do you think, guys? a good time? Yeah. All right, good. I like Gabby.
What do you think guys?
Thumbs up.
Thumbs up.
Zach.
Mike.
All right, Mike, what do you think about Mike?
I said no.
I think you-
Up and baby, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron,
Jeffier said no, I get it, so.
Oh!
He just got you fucking already light
I've never heard it I heard all the time. Oh you're tens all the time. Oh, well, yeah, that's fucking creepy
I like that mic attack you right at the end of the show
Gabby what do you what's your you want to give out you Twitter anything?
Instagram. How about my Instagram? Yeah, let's do that. Cool.
It's Gabby is Brian.
G-A-B-B-Y.
Are you a guy?
Is Brian?
Oh, you last name.
I am a guy.
Elsa.
How excited would you be in?
Very.
If she was trans.
Oh my god.
How pretty would she?
That was a trans boy.
I dumped my wife in a second.
She hates darker, but I'd be into it.
Oh, you asked about that.
Yeah.
You like what you like. Yeah.
I'm lucky that you can help it.
What happened with that fucking pump and nickel girl?
Oh, she came down with you nice little weekend.
Yeah.
And yeah, we talked.
We know it was just kind of like a one time thing.
We said maybe in the spring, but yeah, it was great.
Yeah, so we only lost, lusty fuck fest.
Yeah, lusty fuck fest.
What else you got, Mike? I'll prepared for you to laugh out loud in San Antonio this week and
Follow me on Instagram at Mike Beastwaters and you have fun. Yeah, it's great awesome. Love your Mike
What do you got Jackie?
See you next week. You know what, Dad. Check out riotcats.com for all the best podcasts on the internet.
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