Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Suck Zone

Episode Date: June 13, 2016

Suck Zone This week on YKWD: We have Mike Brown, Phil Hanley, Mark Normand, and Brandon Collins! With The famed Comedians BBQ having taken place just days before, some of the panel is wonders why they... were not invited. Bobby's at a point in life where he bought a fake owl. And we talk about celebrities that have not aged well! Watch/Listen and Enjoy! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, Network Riotcast.com I'm so proud to have this company sponsor that you know a through podcast because I use them in my life and they're great blue apron blue apron they know that when you cook with incredible ingredients you make incredible meals so they set the highest quality of standards for the community of our seasonal suppliers family run farms fisheries and ranchers whether it's Japanese ramanoodles or wild caught salmon,
Starting point is 00:01:06 or heirloom tomatoes. Blue apron is bringing you the best. For less than ten bucks per meal, Blue apron delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals. I love them. Here's what you get with Blue Apron. A variety of new recipes they're created each week by Blue Apron. A variety of new recipes they're created
Starting point is 00:01:26 each week by Blue Apron's Colour and A Team. And I'm not repeated within the year. That's amazing. Our flexibility. Customize your recipes. Each week based on your preferences. You get to pick them. Choose delivery options to fit your needs. There's no weekly commitments. So you only get deliveries when you want them. Here's the best one. Easy. Each meal comes with a step by step easy to follow recipe card. And people are sharing the ingredients and can be prepared in less than 40 minutes. Okay, so check out this week's menu.
Starting point is 00:02:02 I love it. I really do. My favorite one. I'll tell you right now, the Sal's very steak. Sal's very steak. First of all, my wife never got a cook, Sal's very steak. It's unbelievable. It comes with roasted asparagus, potato wedges. It's not always supposed to have, but the portion, which is great. Okay, it's a classic American dish. Beef patty, smothered with gravy, the unbelievable mushrooms,
Starting point is 00:02:30 the flavor is unbelievable. It's actually, they put lamb in it too, with the beef, with the Julie Beavitts. It's insane. It's one of my favorite meals from high school, from when I was a kid. The gravy's amazing. So check out this week's menu and get your two meals
Starting point is 00:02:49 free with free shipping by going to blueapren.com slash dude. Okay, you're getting two meals free and shipped to you for nothing. Just use the code word dude. You will love how good it feels and taste to create incredible home cooked meals with blue apron. So don't wait. That's blueapern.com slash dude.
Starting point is 00:03:14 Blue apron, a better way to cook. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast, no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's butchers, no rules. I'm not gonna talk to the micasshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? No! What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:03:31 That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping, sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin. That's not what a host does. You love the part. I don't of the coin. That's how in a host of dogs you love a part of.
Starting point is 00:03:46 I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough. I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly's You Know What Do Podcast on lightcast.com. Oh Oh man, you guys can't help but get into it That wasn't a black thing either I That wasn't a black thing either, by the way. Oh. I forgot. It's always a black thing when you say, I know, I can't help but get into it.
Starting point is 00:04:27 It's a groove. The funky beat. Black people started black and roll. Yo, you did not. Did you? No, we did. That's what Elvis got from. That's what Elvis got.
Starting point is 00:04:38 You think Elvis just started sweating as hip naturally? Come on. You black guy. Listen, man. He's a black tee. He's a black tee. Did not event the black long t-shirt. That's too bad.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Buddy, that's a fat tea. No, it's a black tea. Fat people invented it and you took it made it. It was a flat black tea. You think so on the fact, then? Look at man. Black people. We made fat cool.
Starting point is 00:04:59 That's why there's a movie called The Clubs. How did you get more black? It's been, hey, what's up, Markey? Mark Norman's in the house. Not even three yet. Hey, buddy, you know, too much too much funny stuff was going on. Oh, all right. You know, and I know you're going to be here on time. You're not Lewis. Hey, if the black guys are here, I'm starting. Good points. Nobody else is going to be late. Yeah. Whoo, good to be here.
Starting point is 00:05:26 Good to have you guys here. We got a fantastic show for you, fuck, fucking, fuck, fucks. You cock suckers and trucks. You mother fuckers and cabs. You guys on trains. You pose in a car. You bitch on a boat. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:05:39 You mother fuckers on mopeds. Silly bitch on a bike. What are you peddling bitch? If he's gonna keep doing that, can you turn my head phone down a little bit? I got 10 tonight just from the second, aha. OK, well, we're here. Chris, go around the room and introduce the guests of today's
Starting point is 00:05:58 YKWD. OK, am I right? Very funny. Brandon Collins is here. Oh, everybody. How are you? Be call. Yeah. He's one of the black guys right? Very funny. Brandon Collins is here. Oh, everybody. How are you?
Starting point is 00:06:06 Be calm. Yeah. He's one of the black guys if he couldn't tell. Yeah. White black. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:14 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:22 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. to fucking adopt you. Yeah. Different strokes. I would love to live with you, Bobby. Oh, God, I fucking have you at my house. I get you a nice computer. Don't want to. Okay, all right, cool.
Starting point is 00:06:31 I'm a computer shit, but I thought you were about to say, I'm going to have you do some long work and shit out to you. No, I wouldn't have you do that. I'm going to go take a shot. I'm going to fucking take a job away from a Mexican dude. I actually have an Italian guy who does my long uh... Guy Tano. God.
Starting point is 00:06:47 Fucking old school Italian. He just takes out my lilac. He can't walk. He walks with a limp. He uses the weed whacker and it uses the momentum of the weed whacker to move him along. Because he's like... So he'll just, whatever's in his way, he just fucking takes out two lilac bushes with a weed whacker. I go, you took out my lilac bushes with a weed whacker. I go you took on my lilac
Starting point is 00:07:05 bushes. He goes, uh, are you still pale? I just love it all the time guys. I don't want to get whacked by his son. It isos kind of funny already he's word kind of yeah and then Mark Normans here actually that's that's a regular scopo funny right yeah we got Mark Norman who I saw today a therapy yeah you go to the wife of mine oh Alan come on yeah what are you he's the best yeah well he well, he's alright. Come on. I haven't been in it so long. You go?
Starting point is 00:07:47 Yeah, you kidding me? I don't know. He said I'm as funny as client. Oh wow. He actually told me he didn't mean it. I was really surprised. He's the most sensitive client. And if he didn't say that, you would have
Starting point is 00:07:57 fucking cried like a pansy. Do you guys actually like therapy, aren't you? Is that actually help? It's the bed. Change my life. Man, Mike had me go to my convince it's me to go to the therapist. Don't throw me under the bus like that but continue. But Mike recommend I go see a black therapist, right?
Starting point is 00:08:10 Because I'm gonna have my plight more black. You can remember. I'm gonna remember anything about it. So does that. Is that Keith Robinson? A car ride that's going to be a great guy. You gotta get your shit together, mate. Now, you know what you gotta do. You gotta start living with bitches.
Starting point is 00:08:24 You gotta leave the stove on. That's what you gotta do, you gotta start living with bitches, you gotta leave the stove on. That's what you gotta do. Somehow when you do a black voice, it's racist. Yeah. Of course you got Phil Hanley. Hey Bobby. Who, uh, this clock sucker, uh, oh boy.
Starting point is 00:08:37 How did it make it to my barbecue? I was invited last minute and I tried to. Doesn't matter. What's last minute? Last minute, first of all, is not the night before, at eight o'clock. Last minute is fucking 12 o'clock the day of
Starting point is 00:08:50 when there's a two o'clock barbecue. Okay, why? And how come Norman didn't, how come you didn't get the invite? No invite, I was gonna bring that up. Yeah, you two guys, you guys should have got the invite. I never got the invite. I got an invite the previous year.
Starting point is 00:08:59 Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You got, once you get the invite, you're in. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're in. I didn't know that would be that. But you guys, we didn't know the date. We didn't know the date. you get the invite you're in. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're in I didn't know that But you guys we know the day to know the same one second though You do have I got a zip-car membership I could get the end of jiffy. I don't know the address I can come in back and find it. I got a second eager. I got to get my eyebrow back down from him He's a word jiffy. Yeah
Starting point is 00:09:19 He used zip-car and jiffy. Yeah, holy shit. I go to a white therapist. I really you're an inch away from me Zip car and jiffy. Yeah, holy shit. I go to a white therapist. I really You're an inch away from me. I feel like a chance to get out of it. Well, you you have the invite, but here you do have to check on me because there is a I do have a black guy quota. Ah, yeah, there's five black people. I should be able to be okay with that. You're fine. You know, you know, you can just show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're good. You can come at normal. What about Mike? Mike? I'm in my wife. I I'm gonna live. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That bouncer. She castes it out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:47 That's good. No, dude. You guys, you guys can come. You already got the invite. Okay. I'm sorry. This is, and I'm, Phil, I'm Mark. I'm sorry I didn't invite you. What's up? I brought you up with a couple people. You listen to my Ellen. You come here.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Yes. Did you really? Yeah. I actually said to her today. I go, you're probably going to get a lot of these fucking lunatics coming and giving me shit today. Here's a problem with them. I'm one of them. Here's a problem with the barbecue.
Starting point is 00:10:09 You ready? I'm a well liked guy. Oh, not a Cornell. Not a Cornell. Well, look, you can't invite, when I go to do the invite, it's like, okay, I'm going to invite first Keith, Colin, Northern Voss. Phil. Phil, you're not's like, okay, I'm going to invite first Keith, Colin, Lauren, Voss, Phil, Phil, you're not on that. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. You know, I got, I got, I got these guys here, you know, of course, a deep blue scope,
Starting point is 00:10:36 Oh, and, and Lauren, you know, then there's Lenny Marcus, there's, you know, and you start doing this list. And you're like, okay, you keep going. And then you're like, Oh, shit, fucking, I And then you're like, oh shit, fucking, I forgot to rate you, I got Rachel's, of course, Rachel's going. And then you're like, soda. Then you're like, oh, fuck, I got S.D. S.D. is going, I got to fight Liz, oh, soda,
Starting point is 00:10:55 joe list, oh my god, I Lewis, Lewis and the kid. And all of a sudden, you're like, fuck, that's 15. That's almost, well, we haven't cleaned up. No. No. We, uh, he walks in and he's like, hey, That's 15 That's almost well, we haven't cleaned up We he walks and he's like hey, Gaitano But then as you go you like oh fuck me and you I just can't remember all these people like who to invite and Then you invite people like Phil now go for here's what I would have totally I just, I'm in town for four days. Here's a problem.
Starting point is 00:11:26 I also want to put on your only name one, black person. So, you can go. Oh, no, no. No, Marie, Marie. Vaughan was there. Vaughan, Marina Franklin and Keith. Oh. That's almost four.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Yeah, Keith's a lot. I got to ease my, I got to ease my kid into this, okay? Right? The suburbs. I know, but he might have to go to the shitty school. So I want to ease him. Oh, there you go. You might want to be sure these messes.
Starting point is 00:11:48 I don't want to show him for first grade, be like, what the fuck? Why are they smoking? I forget, I just forget how many, and of course, Mark, you can come. I saw Phil, I saw Carmen Lynch. Oh, Lynch. I saw her, she was like, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:12:08 I'm like, I'm sorry, you just come. You absolutely, you can go. Cause I talk to Colin every day. I talk to Keith all the time. The people that I talk to all the time, let's go. And I love you guys, of course you could have come. You can, let me tell you right now.
Starting point is 00:12:23 I'm gonna say this, Mark Norman, you, if Joe, if Joe list is going, you can come. I can't go though Joe. I'm kidding. Mark, I'm gonna tell all you guys, you four guys right here. You three guys, I'm gonna tell you three guys right now. Who just got excluded?
Starting point is 00:12:44 I don't know yet, you guys figure that out. What do you guys do the math? People you're out. Wait, did Lynch go? Lynch did not go. Okay. Here's a problem too with this, because I saw it at the seller and I saw Phil at the seller
Starting point is 00:12:56 and I was like, what the fuck? And I was like, fuck, of course you know, I just, I have so much shit going on. And I forget all the people in my life that might want to go. And then here's the thing too, you invite all these people. Okay? You go out and buy 50 hamburgers, hot dogs, sausages, steak tips. And that's for you.
Starting point is 00:13:17 You know what, your rotation is taking me. I rescind it. All right, all right. You go out and buy this food and then these people don't fucking show up. You don't even know who's. your limitations taking it. I rescind it. All right, all right. You go on by this food and then these people don't fucking show up. You don't even know who's. You're just like comics.
Starting point is 00:13:29 So all of a sudden you have this shit, but I forgot. And you guys can all, if I have a party, a barbecue, show up. If you hear about it, call me. I wish you had just said, hey dude, what's up with the party, you fat piece of shit. And I would have been like, get your fucking ass over here. Cause you can go, you can go. You can go.
Starting point is 00:13:48 You can go. Sit. Yeah. I know. You know, I still want to show, if I did do that, right, I don't want to show up in your house and then your wife finds a gun out of nowhere. It's like, hey, they're coming for us.
Starting point is 00:14:01 We're really a black guy with a Harry Potter hat. She's gonna be, what a hat is from Boston. She's the shit outta here. How's your mom? How's she gonna do is put the package for us. Really a black guy with a Harry Potter hat. She's gonna be a head from Boston. She's the shithead of your boss. She's gonna do is put the package over there. But you know comics were all insecure nuts we just want the invite. We don't actually want to go. We just want to be invited. Very true man. No, no, you know it is. I remember call I told this story before Patrease and Colin got into a big fight because Patrice had invited him to his barbecue and he never came, he blew him off twice
Starting point is 00:14:30 and then he said, fuck it, I'm not fuck you. I'm not put myself a steam on the line anymore with you guys. I know Bobby comes, I know Norton comes, I know Will, I know, so I'm inviting people that show up because it feels good when people show up to you. And Colin called him up, I was like, what the fuck? He's like, you don't come, man, fuck you. So I'm inviting people that show up because it feels good when people show up to you and call and call them up I was like what the fuck? He's like you don't come. Hey fuck you
Starting point is 00:14:48 You he's like it doesn't matter. I'm your friend. I get the invite You you invite me. I'm I'll never come. I'll probably never show up at your house It's got a point, but I still I still get the invite. I still get the phone call Not not that you guys even close to that in my life I was actually still on the right. I still get the phone call. Not that you guys even close to that in my life. I was actually still on the right. I mean, yeah, but no, you do want the invite. And I just, I'm just saying it to you right now, if I forget because there's so many, once you get up to 20 people, you're like, well, fuck. Yeah, I get that. And then I get, you say you're going to go and you know, show and I got seven people do that. That's seven hot dog, seven hamburgers, seven sausages. That you have to left overs.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Dad, I fucking throw out dude. Oh, I can't eat that much. We had a lot of food and we cut it down from last year. And we still have, I brought it to my cigar club. I had those guys these, but I apologize. Listen, you guys. I'm really sorry that I was honored that I was invited. Yeah, you should have went because you said you were going. No, you guys. I'm really sorry that I was honored that I was invited. You should have went, because you said you were going. No, I never said I was going. I never said I was going. I mean, you say what you want to say, but I mean, you said.
Starting point is 00:15:53 You criticized me for saying that I couldn't, I was like, I'm going to try, but I have, I got like all this shit I have to do tomorrow. Yeah, what'd you do? I got ready. I'm going, I'm about to go away for a week at all this like, what? I was in town. What? Four days. What'd you do? What'd you do for? I want to know I'm going. I'm about to go away for a week at all this like what I was in town what four days I want to know what you do What did I do? I mean that a manicure
Starting point is 00:16:15 Saturday's blur, but I would have been getting ready. I like did like you know sent my clothes No, I was I was I was I was I think it's you less. I had I'd get red spots What an early spots buddy every what are you doing spots at a church? Everybody there had spots everybody was a Saturday wouldn't yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a church Muzzle tough. I didn't get it anyways. I apologize That's a church. It's a puzzle tough. I didn't get it either way. Anyways, I apologize.
Starting point is 00:16:44 I apologize. It's a problem. I was taught. Anyway, I thank you for the answer. Anyway, I'm sorry I couldn't make it. Anyways, I apologize, but you're right. You do want the invite. Mark, you have the invite.
Starting point is 00:16:54 You come anytime you want. I appreciate it. Any party I ever have, you can come. Except the anniversaries. I got it. If I do my wedding over. Okay. It's my birthday.
Starting point is 00:17:03 That's my day. Got it. But if I have a barbecue with comics that you know, and your age bracket, who are like where you are in the business, yeah. You show up. All right. I mean, Scopo won't be there. Yeah. I need a little Amy. I'll call in on Norton, a key for me. Now, I really feel bad about that, because you do feel like shit. I remember back in the day in Boston, this guy fits he used to have a comic barbecue,
Starting point is 00:17:33 and I never got the invite, and comics like beneath me would get the invite, or all these people that were like, how the fuck did they, and you just gotta go to the club and hear how great the party was. And you're like, hey, and no one knows. Like, where were you?
Starting point is 00:17:46 When it's like, I didn't fucking get invited to fucking, he's dead now, so I'm okay. All right. The resentment is dead. The resentment that happened to me with you when I first kind of was around. And then I saw you that night, and you're like, oh, you should have just came
Starting point is 00:18:00 and I felt like a million times better. Yeah, dude, absolutely. Because I'm telling you right now, I don't, not everybody can come. I don't want fucking everybody there. I just can't do it You can't have every fucking comic. I've said hi to now come to the thing But you guys can definitely come yeah absolutely. All right. I just I feel like we were buds were so It's buddy. I feel like if I went to your barbecue would get past that wall No, you'd have to actually become a better human being.
Starting point is 00:18:27 I'm going to therapy. What you saw. No, absolutely. You come. I'm having another one with Jess Comics. I think at the end of the month sometimes. So feel free. It's going to be a blast.
Starting point is 00:18:40 I'm going to do it Sunday, all fucking day, into the night. I wanted to go into the night, too. And we'll have food and hot dogs. It's going to be a little less. This one's the big one, Max's birthday. So there's no face painting, no balloon. I'm sorry to bump you guys out, no balloon animals. Why not? Because dude, it's expensive. Oh wow, what a take care. You're going'll have blueberry scum. Blueberry scum. Were you really mad at me? No, I was just talking to everybody. And they were like, you should give him shit for that. Because he always gives you shit for not inviting.
Starting point is 00:19:12 So everybody was like, go hard on them. I really don't get invited to anything. Yeah, the picnic was fun. Yeah, I didn't get invited to Joe's picnic. But you didn't mention how I was all the time. There's rarely activities that you aren't in of what are you talking about mostly activities? The big things are your barbecues. That's why you're not gonna get invited to that. Are you a piece of it? What's wrong with you? I'm trying to make you feel better
Starting point is 00:19:37 Make me the piece of shit if you got defensive and I was trying to make it. What were you free on Saturday? Oh, yeah, oh my god Why don't you have spend a good time? Why would you? Why would you spoil me? It was a great time. I didn't know about it the whole day after. Oh, so you didn't hear about it the day after? No, I had no idea.
Starting point is 00:19:53 What was the vibe of the party? What were people saying? You know, it was one of the weaker ones. I didn't know one really mentioned it to anything about it. They just said, you going to Bobby's bar with you? Did you go? And I was like, now. Well, you going to Bobby's barbecue? Did you go? And I was like, now? Well, those people, did they go?
Starting point is 00:20:08 The people that said that? It was Louis. Oh, Louis went. Yeah. Louis actually had a good time as a kid. Yeah. See, what happened last year at the party? Of course, it was a torrential 50-year reign that
Starting point is 00:20:20 happened, which was a nightmare. But I didn't have a lot of kids' shit last year and I didn't invite enough kids. This year, I invited a shitload of kids to come and I got the face painting, which I gotta get. Will you text my wife real quick and get me to text the face painting lady's name? Wait, how did you get so many kids?
Starting point is 00:20:40 Did you bite Greer? That's inside, folks at home inside. Got a fucks a lot of tricks in his babies. We just want to name what you just wanted the face. The company's name. No, not the ladies name. That would be hard to give out. Kathy. Kathy, Kathy McCallan does great face painting. Big plug. It's gonna be a game changer for her. There are a lot of kids,
Starting point is 00:21:15 a lot of fun shift for them to do. We had a little pool. We all kinds of shift for them to do so they were running around and then all the other people were I have my backyard. I'm is pretty bad ass right now I think. It's pretty nice. Yeah, I mean I got a fire pit section and then I got a little bench with some chairs section and then I got a little smoke in room section that's really in the kids.
Starting point is 00:21:43 No, no, the kids were up on the top of the lawn under a gazebo. I got like a bunch of little pots in my yard that I set up for a different type of lounging experiences. You know what I got a little garden? I got a little garden. I got all these little spots you can go and be and hang out. You know what I mean? Like the older people hung up in the rock garden
Starting point is 00:22:05 over with the benches and the umbrellas. Sounds like a razor. And then there was some people hanging over by the fire pit, some of the families. And then the comics all of course clustered under the picnic table with the umbrella and they all kind of stuck together. And then I have another little,
Starting point is 00:22:23 I make little sections because I know people at parties I always like when you go to a party and there's a section is a bunch five or six little sections you can kind of Yeah, you can take over you're own little spot. Yeah, people come to you and yeah Hello, oh the little shit cans went out. Yeah, everything. Yeah, everything Deep boo I'm not sure if I can do anything. Deepo. What's up, Captain? I heard a buzzer.
Starting point is 00:22:45 I heard something. I heard something. It's right here. It's right here. It came back for a second. Right. Are we going? Oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Yeah, we're still talking. Deepo, it's right here. Fix it right under there. It's the wire. Anyways, I had the, sorry about that. Don't do it carefully. Don't fucking, he's going under, like, he's going to suck my dick.
Starting point is 00:23:03 This is weird from the thing. That's it. This this is a lot he went under like he aggressively was going to suck my dick in the like the cops are coming running a couple of weeks and now was 20 all right there we go so any who um but yeah parties are fucking you I mean there was people that didn't like me the first year I threw it there was people that didn't like me will mad at me for a year I had no fucking idea and then then they'd be like, you know, there's people that are mad at me right now.
Starting point is 00:23:26 And then I invite those people and guess who does a fucking show up? They want the invite. That's the... They just want that fucking invite. And that's all you want. You don't want to come, right? Nah. I'm coming.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Say, I want to come. I like barbecue and shit. What it's up state, right? How do you do your barbecue though? I'm coming with food. It's not bar. Why would you bring your own food to a barbecue? Because you can't show up at somebody's house and be in a hotel like that.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Hot brutality and bring a pie. I've been like I just hear something. I'll bring kids. I'm not saying. I'm not saying. I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying anything.
Starting point is 00:24:00 I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying anything. Yeah dude, you know what I mean? It's not a barbecue like that. It's him You know, it's a white person Okay, I had steak tips. How good is it? Oh my god? They were so good. I think did you have seafood? So good to eat seafood? I first of all get that Let's do you do
Starting point is 00:24:17 Wow, I need you to get that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm going to think finger out of my face I don't know why it goes from really thin to fat? You got our city of all fingers. What the fuck are those? Do you? These are my fingers. Those are my main.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Those are the black fingers. Those are finger fucking fingers. You fucking fucking right. You fucking right. We're just taking a picture right now. Yeah. That's what I do. That's what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:24:37 They look like Kit Katz. I don't do sea food. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't do sea food, but I am gonna do some next year.
Starting point is 00:24:50 Fish fry. A couple, a couple, a couple. No, no, it's a little Louisiana. We had a lot of those. We had a couple, well, the vegans and vegetarians. Book of burgers. Well, I should have got bulgur burgers. Begurs are good.
Starting point is 00:25:04 Yeah. I should have got a little little seafood because there's people that don't fuck with red meat. So next year, I was saying I was gonna bring some seafood. Next year, I will. So yeah, this year though, I learned a lot from last year as far as how much food to put out. We always don't make the salad. There's big fucking set. Nobody ate it.
Starting point is 00:25:24 Nobody fucks with a salad at a barbecue. Maybe will. Like two people. Maybe. Two people. And then you want to throw it on a massive salad. So no salad, but you made macaroni salad, which for the last two years she forgot to put out.
Starting point is 00:25:40 So after the fucking barbecue, we had eight pounds of fucking salad. Damn. And then we have Ben and Jerry's comes on four o'clock. Whoa. And they do. How great was that? Oh my god. It's a truck. They have a guy coming with a different kind of ice creams and toppings. Six different ice creams. Every time you want and and and what has much ice cream as you want. As many you make your own Sundays, Ben and Jerry's. Plus that was an Oreo cake, I believe. No, we had all kinds of treats, but Dawn, every year,
Starting point is 00:26:10 makes a yellow cake, yellow, with chocolate frosting, no chocolate frosting, which is the best cake. There's no other cake. I like a yellow cake. Yellow cake is the only fucking cake. The fact that they went to white cake, or black cake, no offense, there's no, it's fucking, yellow cake is the moistest cake.
Starting point is 00:26:31 It's the only fucking cake to ever make. Because you put that chocolate frost in on it though, but you put the chocolate frost in it. Chocolate, not dark chocolate, milk chocolate. Hey, I'm cool with that. I'm sick too. I'm just chocolate. But she puts a lot.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Just a little more on legs. Yeah, damn. Damn. still she puts on more likes Unfuckin believable, right? Did she have me put M&M's around the edge of it which Very festive I like the M&M very festive now I granted it makes the cake look a little better Doesn't nobody wants to fucking eat that's like having bacon wrapped around your fucking your steak Right what's wrong with that? I don't think it should be good. I don't sound bro. I don't like meat on meat That's a homophobic
Starting point is 00:27:19 You ever had a bacon shrimp. No bacon wrap shrimp your bad noise I don't know what that is marks. I think I'm opening it up. I heard it clear. Sorry. Didn't think it would be that loud Jesus Christ I'm old you here bacon wrap shrimp. You ever had that? Yeah, that's great. I think that's disgusting Really killer. Oh like it's you've had it and didn't like it I like bacon wrap. I like bacon wrap water chestnuts I don't even know what those all right. That's fucking that's so Boston has to be buddy. You don't you've listen I'm telling you you know the water chest not is no
Starting point is 00:27:54 They put in Chinese. Yeah, that gross stuff in Chinese first Dama's Jersey girl. I don't know how that made sense to anybody. It's that gross stuff in Chinese. It's not even a complete sentence. It's like, what the fuck is that? Gross. It's, well, you know what, so is you, how your tits are different to me. It's not gonna gross me out, right?
Starting point is 00:28:15 It's one we get to see, it's to be. It's deal with it. One new give, AIDS. I mean, now you have nice tits. I don't know what you're doing it. Is it- Summer's coming. I'm perkin' up.
Starting point is 00:28:24 Anyways. That's the only thing coming Why though? All right, I hate your blues voice It was very yeah. That was very bluesy. It was very. Yeah, it was very. That was a blues. Welcome to the stage. So much.
Starting point is 00:28:49 Very not Harry Potter. Well, there's definitely like a 75-year-old black man just trying to get out of me all the time. It's a weird living. Bleeding to hot Collins over here. LAUGHTER I do feel terrible that you had to bring that in therapy, but I hope I didn't bring a therapy. Oh, you didn't. I thought about you in therapy. Oh, come on. I
Starting point is 00:29:12 will say you're much harder to follow in therapy than on stage. I know you're getting. Yeah, I've seen your act. I know. I think, Norman, I think Mark, you're probably the best at that type of mean on point Zinger. I think he's the, I mean, Mark, some people say Shittia about whatever, say mean Shittia, give you a nice hot one. And you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,
Starting point is 00:29:47 you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,
Starting point is 00:29:55 you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,
Starting point is 00:30:03 you're like, you're like, you're like, you're't hurt right right yeah cuz you're not as threatening You really taking this hard I wish I wish I was your barbecue I mean town four days had so much shit to do and it was a last minute invite you know what it wasn't a last minute It was the night before I invited you last year Yeah, you didn't bite me last I said you night before? I invited you last year. Uh, yeah, you didn't invite me last year. I said, you get, when I said you last year. Uh, come any time, but I didn't know this was the time. So fuck off.
Starting point is 00:30:31 This was the time, well, you'd say fuck off, and then it's not, is it? What am I supposed to do? What am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I,
Starting point is 00:30:40 what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, what am I, I don't know your sons birthday. Oh Calendar and they don't print it on the Canadian calendars. So on the American ones What's my son's name Max Max? Maximus beautiful head of hair Max Wait is there an email blast or something how do we know the day?
Starting point is 00:31:03 Wait, is there an email blast or something? How do we know the day? Yeah, well, it's the same for a year. What I use for something. Here's what I usually do, and I'm changing it this year. Here's what I use. I usually send out text messages. So there'll be group text messages. The one of them we Keith, Amy, Colin, Norton, Voss, Bonnie,
Starting point is 00:31:23 the other one will be Depu, Lauren, Scopo, Stavros, you know, but the other one will be Joe, Lewis, so it's like groups of, so it's not all, I don't want to make, you know, a one-chat text message of fucking 30 people. Right, smart. And there's all different dialogue. As soon as I send out the callin' and Bonnie, as soon as I send out to that group, Bonnie types unsubscribe. It's just, and then it's, oh there's face painting.
Starting point is 00:31:57 Keith, you'll finally get to be white. Right, right, you know, nor will you get a chin. So it's just, and so there you go. Because I know you get some non-com meetings there, like some civilians. Did they, Jim Sierpiko, his whole family went, uh, his, uh, Tom Celetti, uh, went with his three boys, um, Deepu. Yep. My mom, my dad, my sister came, some neighbors. Yeah, so and then all Max's friends from
Starting point is 00:32:32 school and their parents. But the comics said alone. I mean, they can't mix those people. There's too much. They mix a little bit, but you know, it tends to. We're a little short. So we go. So we go one around this year and sat with everybody. He's in the business. We went hand on that first big game, sure, go. Sure, go went around this year and sat with everybody. He's in the business. The best. On that first big game in server. Oh, you did. Yeah, we were we beat bunch
Starting point is 00:32:49 people. Yeah, I have corn hole. I have the frisbee game. I have all these games that, you know, for adults still because everybody's so fucking competitive. Did you play?
Starting point is 00:32:57 Yeah. Did you win? No, we beat him. Well, you insert. Yes, super. Go. Must have been practicing because he fucking killed us. He's going to bought me the game. What's that game called? Can jam. Can jam. What's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah of explaining can you punch it at my joke?
Starting point is 00:33:26 My fans got it. Yeah. So you throw the Frisbee and you got to get into this like circle thing. Okay. Basically, can jam. There's a circle between us. But you got to slap it in. It's slap it in.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Yeah, it's like, it's two on two basically. You don't throw it like a regular. You throw it like a Frisbee and then you would have to slap it in. Oh. Oh, yeah. So you guys are on the same team. Yeah, and then you would be the same team as Lord. Oh, cool. So just about time. Be good looking team and then, uh, yeah, okay, and then a black team. Yeah. Oh, it's a racial time. Um, let's say I didn't want to explain that. Yeah, it's like an annoying listening. But, uh, yeah, a lot of fun stuff going on. No time, man. I think it's important that we all get together and hang out socially.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Yeah. There's not enough times that we do that where it's not a club. Right, well, you ever go to a comedy festival and you're like, this is great. Yeah, yeah. We're in the middle of Portland all hanging out. You're like, you know, we could do this in New York
Starting point is 00:34:20 every day, we just don't do it. Yeah, we don't do it, but I don't think you should do it every day because you'll don't do it. Yeah, we don't do it, but I don't think you should do it every day because you'll wind up fucking hating people, but especially in the summertime we should go out and have barbecues and hang out and have some laughs. Because a lot of times when you hang with people you don't really hang with, then you get to know them a little bit at a social level, and then it's a little easier when you're at the clubs. Cause you know, sometimes the last year I got shit
Starting point is 00:34:48 because they said I had an open mic table and a headline on the table, right? That was Lewis, right? I don't think so. You know. You were sitting at that table. No, we weren't sitting cause it was pouring the whole time. Oh, you were sitting at the kids' table.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Ah! I don't know. He got up, the chair was stuck to his ass. Yeah. But this year nobody had that problem. Good. Everybody was around. And Lewis had fun with his kid. Max, my kid fucking Jesus Christ, he had a good time.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Oh, did he? Oh, you had a fucking blast. Well, I got my face painted like a tiger. How do I have it? Oh, I have a picture. Oh, God. Oh, no, if you need to see that. Oh, you're a fucking blast. I got my face painted like a tiger. Oh, I have it. Oh, I have a picture. Oh No, I don't know if you need to see that. I would really like to see that. I should be a lion king as the overweight lion You get the name of people that do that. Yeah, I don't know I just kind of gave it to you with the picture of it. It's like a fat circus. Oh, I gave it to you to read No, give it back to you to read buddy. I gave it to you to read. That's well done, Kathy
Starting point is 00:35:51 This is really good. Yeah Good plug again for cast tomorrow. You do that for me please Kathy dot com Let me see yeah, really good. They're unfuck unfuckin' believable. These face, I mean, on Lauren, what's the name of them? About face two. About, if you ever have a party and you want, you got kids higher this girl to come over. About face two, my kid, every kid got their face painted and the job they do is amazing.
Starting point is 00:36:21 That's incredible. How are they taking it? It's a great tiger. Like five minutes. I don't want to talk five minutes. Oh, shit. How are they taking it? It's a great tiger. Thank you. I want to take five minutes. I always thought you were more of a bear. I always thought you were more of a bear. I can't see if for some reason.
Starting point is 00:36:32 I don't fucking annoys me that you can't see that. We'll put a photo. We'll put that in someone. I'll put it up. Show it now. Yeah. I'm going to make him a gorilla around all those kids. There I am right there.
Starting point is 00:36:41 There you go. Oh. I got that. Took a while, but. That was fun. God damn. Maybe the Chamberboys were right about my fucking tech There I am right there. There you go. Oh, I got that took a while, but that's God damn fucking take maybe the maybe the chamberboys were right about my fucking tech on the shows Production value stinks. I'm holding up an iPhone my fucking shitty fingers So anyways
Starting point is 00:37:05 There you go now I got my fucking owl behind me. Oh, yeah, look at it. You were supposed to. That is, what's this about? I'm growing strawberries. I have a garden in my backyard. So you need to put the owl by the side. The birds are eating my fucking strawberries, Michael. Okay, it's I didn't know how that works. I didn't know how that works. I know.
Starting point is 00:37:18 You ever look at a strawberry, you didn't get the seeds? Yeah, it was the seeds. Yeah, I know that. And the birds fucking eat those. They come in the weirdest, the National Geographic show ever. You know the seeds? Yeah, yeah, those are seats. Yeah, I know that and the birds fucking eat those They come in the weirdest new national geographic show ever You know the seeds Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And now I need an owl. But what happens with the birds realizing that owls bullshit? They shit on the owl's head.
Starting point is 00:37:47 That's what they do. They sit on the owl's head, shit on it. Waiting for me to go inside to eat the berries. That's what happens. I actually saw a video on YouTube about the owl. The guy, the guy, I got this owl to protect my berries and then he goes, it cuts to a month later, he goes, yeah, and then
Starting point is 00:38:05 she shut the apples top of his head, it was just all birch jam. They're like, fuck you. Who's making me out? How many fucking licks does it get to the center of a fucking dumb owl's head? Three. But yeah, but I covered the strawberries. I'm telling you, I know I'm at this fucking age and I'm way older than you fucking young bucks.
Starting point is 00:38:25 And you guys are all just fucking in shape and thin and t-shirts and no commitments and you got nothing in life. Yeah. And you just rocking and rolling career, career, fucking career. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's gonna be a time when you're gonna fucking slow down a little bit and grow some spinach and strawberries Sounds gay. By now I'm gonna kill myself You're explaining seeds to a black guy I'm thinking about getting a strawberry patch right now. So it's called a patch you got like a patch So we're gonna put it in the park and haul
Starting point is 00:39:01 We're gonna put it in the park. No, man. Right there, moan, it's not, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? I mean, it's fucking weird, because I remember when I was back when I was 20s, early 30s. And if you ever said I was gonna buy an owl, protect my strawberries, I would have fucking punched you right here today. Bobby's gonna purchase today.
Starting point is 00:39:23 I just bought my owl today. Really? Nice, man. Good. That's a big purchase today. I just bought my hour today. Really? Nice man, good. That's a big, that's a big time in a man's life. That's a big commitment. Yeah, you did it. Yeah. Get that hour, baby.
Starting point is 00:39:33 So hand some specimen too. It looks, that looks a thing. What do you get a name on? I thought it was a head shot of Shiba Mason. I'm going to name Skopo's audience. Oh. Delighted. Wait, Skopo's an audience. No. I'm gonna ask you name Scopus Audience. Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:39:46 Delighted. Wait, Scopus is in my hands. No, that's true. And when he comes out, they go, with Chris Scopus and they go, whoo! Yeah! That's very true. Oh.
Starting point is 00:40:06 I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm so into being a homeowner right now. It's scary. I thought he said, homeowner. Well, secretly that too. I remember I was talking to Louis years ago when he lived upstate towards Albany. Really? Yeah, he lived way up. Cats lived that far upstate?
Starting point is 00:40:21 All right, give me the thing. I don't want to give you cats. That was the thing. I was going to go mad. I was going to go mad. go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go- go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go- go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go-man go- I can't do that. I want to hug it. Take it away. You should sit there with just a cord. I just don't want to give club owners ideas for you. Oh! Oh! Are you okay, Scooble-O?
Starting point is 00:40:59 Oh, shit. They got the gun. Oh, shit. The fat ghost is on fire. But I remember, I remember telling me that he lived way upstate and he had a house in the country and blah, blah, blah. He bought a car just to learn how to fix it. He just bought a fucked up car to learn how to fix it.
Starting point is 00:41:22 And, you know, I, you know, I redid my whole backyard. I mean, grass-wise, I put this garden in, I had the shed, and I refinished this whole shed. I learned how to put floors down and walls up and all this ceiling fan. It's like, I want to learn. So now here I am. When he was telling me that story, I was like, what the fuck would you, why would you want to learn how to do, be a mechanic? Why would you learn? How long he was telling me that story, I was like, what the fuck would you, why would you want to learn how to do,
Starting point is 00:41:46 be a mechanic, why would you learn? How long ago was this, the story? It was a 10, it'd be like eight years ago, probably seven, eight years ago. She's still living in the city, yeah. You living in the city still? Me, I was in the city. Yeah, I was, and I was still fucking city life, train,
Starting point is 00:42:01 fuck cars. But you've always been an owner, right? Like you always had like kind of like good money, right? No, no, no, I lived in that. Because things are fucking tough now, man. City like renting is pretty much the same. I couldn't imagine. What I rented, I lived on 97th and Lex for 325 a month.
Starting point is 00:42:15 What? But dude, my way of cooking, we had fucking cockroaches. I mean, yeah, but still. But wait a minute, stop, I'm not finished. Whoa, Billy Burr was a roommate. So, and then there was an African dude, Akeen, who had the front room. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:31 And then you had to walk through this hallway, which was the bedroom for us, that only fit the small little bed. But it was just a hallway, so it was a curtain. So he had to walk through, and then there was a living room. So I lived in the living room. It wasn't a, it was a one bedroom that we made
Starting point is 00:42:47 into a three bedroom. The living room, I slept when Billy was in town and Billy would sleep in the room. And you know, a keen, we just, I remember with checks and you'd hear footsteps going through your bedroom and then stopping at your curtain. And you'd be like, this man is like, he's looking at me.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Yeah. Yeah. How's the how's the keen doing? No, I have no idea. Okay. Um I think he's selling purses I think he was he actually ran both ranks in the park There's a big hockey guy. Oh, what? What? African hockey cool. You talky guy. Damn black guy. He used to Bring in the mold. We didn't really understand him that much Damn black guy used to I'm really really understand him that much Been African actor
Starting point is 00:43:30 What's your Bobby or thought y'all are pants on Ice skating rink told you good and go is he a clingy? Me and Billy would wait for him to laugh to laugh Me and Billy would wait for him to laugh to laugh He's probably sickly plod and kill both of you guys just giggling well He just lay yeah, I remember we did a benefit for him an African benefit. It was all African like you know colorful It was all African like, you know, colorful. Wait, what was the benefit of being a saturday go over well? Because he was African. He was African.
Starting point is 00:44:08 So he had this African benefit. He was African. What? He was like, give me money because I'm African. African is an African. He was African. He wanted to send him back to his cousin. You tell a bad joke, a spear.
Starting point is 00:44:19 Whoa. And I remember he came home after you know, so he goes you're hungry. And I was like, yeah, and he gave me this thing of rice. And I was eating this rice and I was like, dude, I was eating. I was like, fucking, this is great. And there was this fucking mushroom like, like that big, just this mash of, like the size of my fist mushroom. And I was fucking like, dude, this is great.
Starting point is 00:44:43 This mushroom is great. I was like, what is, what mushroom is great I was like what is what meat is this he goes cow I Go what kind of apart like when he goes for higher they bought a cow in the Bronx and they slaughtered it Wow Yeah, yeah, he bought a cow They've African dudes or whoever the people the African people they bought a cow in the Bronx I guess you can buy a cow up there and they had slaughtered, and they used all the meat in all these dishes,
Starting point is 00:45:09 and you don't know what meat's meat. What fucking pun, and then I go, this mushroom is great, it goes not mushroom, snail. It was a giant snail. I was, I can still fucking taste it in my mouth. I was chewing on this mushroom, like this is a great mushroom, and then it goes, snail, I was like can still fucking taste it in my mouth. I was chewing on this mushroom. Oh like this is a great mushroom And then he goes snail I was like Fuck it. Yeah, that's cargo, man. It wasn't that's cargo. It was a cargo But African though. That was a fuck dude. It was an African snail
Starting point is 00:45:38 Yikes. No Well, Bobby's guy. I remember talking about your story about a black person in your life I wait for you. I'm silly when he could get it out. This story isn't a bolder. I do it Lewis is just going to turn into a fucking awful racist show. Yeah. Yeah, it was he was great though.
Starting point is 00:45:56 But we live there. I paid 325. He paid the rest. I think 150. Jeez. I think it was 475. The rest of that. So what a burpee. That's a very entire apartment.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Yeah. Well, no, then the other guy had the big part of the apartment, the Akeen. How much was he paying? He was, I don't know, we never know. What did Burpee? And it had to be, it had to be not that much. How did you meet a key? What did Burpee?
Starting point is 00:46:16 I think he paid 150 or 175. So it was 150, 325? Yeah, I think it was, it had to be around 500 bucks or something like that. 475. That's 175. Two thirds of it. I think it was it had to be around 500 bucks or something like that a 475 That's most 75 or two thirds of it. I think it was 475 475 How did you meet it was a keen department? No Billy got the pad. Okay, and then I Billy got a Billy Actually got picked up you got a fucking go pilot carcy Warner back when carcy Warner was the mother fuckers Yeah, Billy got picked up on the show
Starting point is 00:46:45 Go pilot no fucking nothing. It's going. You're in it's great. I just said and with Molly Ringwall Townies, I remember that show People wait what's Molly Rewind? We talk about we talk about like It was after, yeah. I'm a short hair. But she was still all right. It was right before her downfall. She was never hot.
Starting point is 00:47:10 I never got hot. You know what, breathless club, I saw it again like two weeks ago. You know, I would have. If you saw her in New York, you wouldn't look twice. You have a back band. She's a charm, man. Yeah, she is. She's not everyone's super fit.
Starting point is 00:47:21 I heard she's a huge, huge twat. What? Yeah. Why would you do that? Yeah. You're thinking of Lauren. Superfist. I heard she's a huge huge twat. Yeah. You're thinking of Lauren. No. I know a comic does like they do appearances and he does up and goes to stand up and then he interviews her and she's like a fucking twat. You can't talk to her beforehand. Really? Do anything. Yeah. She does stand up. You said? No, she does like appearances.
Starting point is 00:47:45 We're like, he'll do stand up for like 20 minutes and then they go out and do a one-on-one Q&A and like people will come and ask questions and she's a fucking twat. Really? Yeah. Because she does have. You can't talk to her beforehand.
Starting point is 00:47:56 You can't do anything beforehand with her. Well, that might be, that might be years of, look, you're going up and down the business. Yeah. There might be boundaries you had to set because you got fucked with so much on your downward slide that you're like, you know what fuck you Dude you're crazy back then dude here's Molly ring what yeah I know
Starting point is 00:48:22 He doesn't look terrible. No, no, no. He's like terrible. Compared to that. Compared to that. Yeah, but she doesn't got all that. She's young. You're just going with you, Thea. Just get somebody's young.
Starting point is 00:48:30 Why would you just go with that? He's that well, though. All right, I'm going to say something right now. Molly Ringwald, you have to take into account. She was supposed to be the girl you would walk by in the hall. Yeah, sure. But then all of a sudden, one night, night something happens here alone with this little cute red Have a little fat lips and she's sucking you dick and like this is grace all right
Starting point is 00:48:51 Well if that happened in the movie I'd like her wasn't that the whole plastic thing candles no But she always got the hot guy But every push it down your throat. She's hot. She's hot. She was ever hot. She's gonna be cute But everybody pushed it down. You know she's caught. She's hot. She was never hot. She's never hot. She's supposed to be cute She's just a little. I'm sure. All right. No one ever said Molly Ringwall was hot. No one you heard cute Scopus in the opposite about her. I don't think she's that cute. I think she was cute for that situation You and bang her back I'm at bang deep. I'm just saying it's I don't know. She's like done do it for me. Does Emma Stone is that I'm doing for you? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:49:24 I like her I like Emma Stone. I like Emma Stone. I like Emma Stone. I like Emma Stone done do it for me does Emma Stone is that doing for you? Yeah Big eyes I like that I feel that way by Emma Stone that you're saying about Molly. Okay subjective look at that. Oh god. It looks like a mad scientist You're crazy. She's I hate pale I hate freckles. I'm not in the head I'm a stone right? Wait, maybe I think I said one out. Amazon's a brunette. Bring up Amazon. I don't think Amazon is that fucking her. I just found her.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Her teeth. Amazon's teeth are fucking crazy. Oh really? Yeah, Amazon's gorgeous. I mean, Amazon's gorgeous. Look at that. She's gorgeous. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:49:58 Look at that. She's got freckles and all that. Look at it. Look at it. Having those eyes a bag of chill with a given a little job That's come on Brando Keep this PG. Ah, a teacher great Straight nice teeth. Oh you guys are all crazy. I'm not really one
Starting point is 00:50:14 I just like a buck two thing. No, you're looking for shit. She's a great pussy I think you need a no makeup. I know makeup. All right. Well, what do we do? Listen, come on now. You're fine. I take it back. Emma Stone is cute. It's cute. It's better as a blonde. Excuse me. Takes a big man. Push this. Gorgeous there. It's got exactly gorgeous. No, no, I take it back. I take it back. I guess I never looked out of the right way. Yeah, she is actually very very pretty Yeah, you know what ugly you know really good
Starting point is 00:50:51 Who's a chick on the voice oh Christian Aguilar type and Kristina now Do I have a pretty spears? The big Fucking Jessica Simpson looks real yeah, she's got those knockers back 2004 version she was always on the cusp, but she kept together with her youth Fucking Jessica Simpson looks real. Yeah, she's got those knockers back 2004 version she was always on the cusp, but she kept together with her youth what she got she got real big, right? Oh look at those cans She gets big and loses weight. Yeah, she's like Miss Piggy and some of the boys I don't mind it. She's I don't mind either type in type in not type in not Jessica Simpson. What's it Britney Spears? Now Britney Spears big now you know type in her Instagram is on point.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Oh, yeah. Wow. Who the hell follows her? Grammily early 90s. She did get a shit together. There are some people that just fucking know really lost it. Who is the first supermodel? What's her name? Dickson. Oh, first supermodel. What's your name? Dixon. Oh, Janet. Janet. Tidebin. Janet. Tidebin, Janice Diggerson.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Well, after he was the cause, he made my cause because we were he was hot. She was hot. She was hot. And she was hot. And when she got older, yeah, yeah, yeah, she fell.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Yeah, too much surgery. I worked on it. Too much. Yeah, we're talking about it. It's the Caitlyn Jenner. Surgery is a mistake. She was, she's always on the toilet That's Caitlin Yeah, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:52:11 Look at her look at her young unreal. Wow, God imagine running into her and fucking Morocco That's quite a scenario now do it 2016 do that that's how you do it and you know what else is out of the chick from Weird Science? She's a mess. Oh, really, me, I'm sorry. Oh, listen, what's her name? I forget her name. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:52:30 Oh, man. Oh, it's a Bruce Jenner. Oh, she does. Oh, man, oh, man. That one. Ah, look at that neck. Oh, man. Cosby got it when she was good, though.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Yeah, well, he ruined it. Yeah, he ruined it. What's that girl from Weird Science? I'm when she was good though. Yeah, well he ruined it What's that girl from weird times? Oh my god, she is fucking Kelly LeBrock That's the first mouth she still looks pretty Jennifer Coolidge, okay, she looks like a here. God look at that. That is unbelievable. Yeah, goddamn lady. She was smoking hot Smoking those panties still fucking hold. Yes, little boy panties on a girl
Starting point is 00:53:17 Would you still fuck her Go down on her you'd fuck her before you fuck Molly ring wall. Yes, that's crazy. That's crazy. I'm talking now Yeah, Molly we were now gross. Dude those kids a fucking blotchy. Yeah, I don't want a blotch that she gets nervous her tits get red I like that. I like like a mood ring. I don't like that See it's so I feel bad for women though bull. See, it's so I feel bad for women though. Yeah, you look at. Oh, yeah, if you look at women, killer Brock, I'm gonna get some. If you look at women in movies, yes, there is a fucking, there's a time type in Meg Ryan, 2000, oh, as type in Meg Ryan back in the day. She did, she did fucked up things through a lip, though, right? Yeah, but she did that injection. She did it
Starting point is 00:54:02 back then in that movie with Leopold, uh, Leopold, uh, Leopold, uh, she did it back then yeah but she did that and Jackson she did it back then in that movie with Leopold Leopold she did it back then but she did it just enough where her upper lip look good yes and then she went something happened that's a miss oh Nicole Kim and do some chelsea that too she did look a movie you know Renee Zelliger oh yeah I think I think Renee actually looks alright. She's so skinny. She has she has to she got what I might have to get someday Too many that's 18 Yeah, Meg Ryan's oh, she's pretty yeah very pretty. She had no upper lip back. It worked
Starting point is 00:54:42 She really did and then she fucking the lip shit She was right it worked She really did and then she fucking the lip shit It's in want you do it. You can't work the out of it great. I know why don't you want you do it? You can't stop yeah, because it doesn't last and then you got to get it again and again and again If you don't what it just goes back to where you started right? And that's the problem of Botox too. That's why Nicole Kim is always fucked up. She's always like, oh, so once you get a tie, you can't stop getting Botox.
Starting point is 00:55:10 Because you, like, it starts fucking up with your muscles and shit, so I can't stop. You have to get like, what's the month? It's permanent, I'll keep one to start. Look at this, go back to her. Oh, yeah, she look at this. Oh, man. That is silly.
Starting point is 00:55:24 Look at her. Look at him in, like a clown. Her lip looks like it's fucking like some type of a macaroon. I think so, it tells you. When she was in Days of Thunder, she was the hottest. Oh yeah. That's pre-macaroon lip, right? Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:55:37 Here's the thing though, it sucks because guys, because we don't get anything, as we get older. Guys get. Your career. Yeah, I'm going to finish the sentence before you fucking make a fucking statement dumb dough. Okay, sorry, Bob. You're fucking getting a little
Starting point is 00:55:50 fucking out of hand. Max. It's we get older, we get wrinkles, we get gray hair and it looks great on us. George Clooney was an ugly young guy was he ugly? He was typing young All right, what do you first start? He look good and the older the older he got the better he got yes
Starting point is 00:56:15 I have to get fatie bro and you know else I'll tell you can I tell you else fucking James Bond look at that fucking kid Holy shit, but men get better as they ate, but he's not bad looking there right? You're looking there. We're talking about though. He's just a bad haircut man. Yeah, it's a bad hair He's mullet, but look at those stop look at his eyebrows Yeah, he look at pushy eyebrows. He's got bushy eyebrows. His dumb hair is fucking eyes But then go to him now go to him fucking now. He's already getting better
Starting point is 00:56:43 Let's ER. That's 90s. E.O. is winning. E.R. is where he is. He's got to get in gray. Yeah, yeah. Cut his hair short. I mean, if somebody fuckers his eyebrows a little bit. So we're told him you could play bad man all that shit, you know. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that sex. Look at him. God damn it. Look at him. Bobbady, who the fuck George Clooney? Now listen man.
Starting point is 00:57:02 Who's James Bond James? Fuck him the other no fuck him the other one Timothy Dalton. Oh, Roger Moore. How dare you? First of all how dare you say Tim was I went to those three out already Sean Connery young Sean Connery not as Max McIntyre no I He was good looking but old Sean Connery is fucking great. Wait show Connery in bond. That's good right there. He's not let's not looking in bond though. I'm not talking right now He's good looking in bond, but then in the in the now
Starting point is 00:57:37 He looks fucking great not now, but like you know because he's almost dead welcome to the rock I feel like Bobby's gonna throw up all like the male celebrity see the fuck we should ask the one girl here what do you think what do you like Connery or no you see it's her my cat what about young John Connery though she's too Jersey from a cul-de-sac fuck she's gonna take anything yeah she's just one's not Walburton I do I tell you women in fuck they fall the fuck off and they go away. It's tough. Because if we're more forgiving for men, we'll be up with them.
Starting point is 00:58:10 The only time it's not forgiving for men in this business, no. In show business is the hair. Ah, yes. That's it. Okay, Brendan Frazier, type in Brendan Frazier now. Oh, really? Now, Brendan Frazier was the mother fucker, right? Cause of the mummy, I'm shit.
Starting point is 00:58:26 And I came here before that, and seen him man. And see no man. Oh, you got an animal for Georgia. Before that, before that, he was in, what was the movie with, what was the prequel to Georgia, the jungle? And see no man, he was in, No, before that, with Benaflack and,
Starting point is 00:58:43 Benaflack? Oh, school ties. School ties. Oh, yeah. And uh, before that with um, Benaflack and um, Benaflack, Benaflack, school ties, school ties. Oh, he's a huge kid. He's a huge kid. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:50 Doesn't matter what's going happy, you still be a Jew. Can you just hit a plug? Yeah. Yeah. That's not so bad. Oh, that's so bad.
Starting point is 00:58:58 Oh, that's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. That's not the answer, fuck. Did you type in his hair? Can you just get plugs, though? Look, right there, right there. Take that. That's like, that's gotta be fake, though? That's like, that's fake though. That's fake.
Starting point is 00:59:08 That's right. He looks bad. Holy shit. Oh yeah, the hair is right there. Right here. Top, top, top. Nicholas. Oh shit.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Now here's this how fucked up this business is. They've been putting fake hair on him like Travolta for years. And then when you do that, you gotta, now you gotta wake up. You can't be lazy. You can't just go out and get donuts. You gotta put a hat on or you gotta put your fucking hair on. And this cuck's out there one day and you know what, fuck it. My, I don't know where my hair is, and I don't have a hat.
Starting point is 00:59:43 That's a big night when I I want to talk about your hair. That's the only way you can do that. The Jason Statham, Jason Statham pulls it off. Yeah, but Jason Statham was bald to be given. He got famous beard bald. He got famous beard bald. He got famous beard bald. He got famous beard bald.
Starting point is 00:59:56 Bruce Willis. Okay. I'll stop. I'm gonna stop you. Bruce Willis had a widow's mother fucking peak. And it was crazy widow's peak. So he was balled in from the get, we knew it was going. This guy had fucking Elvis hair.
Starting point is 01:00:12 Yeah, yeah, right. And when that Elvis hair goes, and when you have that fucking hot, that's why comics that are smoking hot, and you're, that's why you have fame because you're sexy and chicks love you. You ever notice what happens then when they hit their 40s? Yeah, so it's gone. That's why Mark you're gonna make it forever.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Yeah, that's why you want to be a gaff again. You want to just have good shit or a Louie. It's not about the looks. No, you can just you can supersede your looks by being funny. That's what I remember Louie went on stage one time. I think one of especially he just had a greased stain on his shirt. And he had a greased stain. He ate something and there was a stain on his on his special. And it doesn't fuck nobody gives a fuck because he's that funny. Fucking who cares? Yeah, it might help. There's some
Starting point is 01:01:03 comments that if you had a stand on your shirt the girls would be like oh right Dean shirt yeah I think most comics have yet to agree standing your shirt it would affect your set yeah you'd have to acknowledge it I don't think so you would uh you're not as funny okay I apologize for not being in your fucking Of course I think if we just do said Jesus I think he did
Starting point is 01:01:39 I just want to go on a record and saying what you said about Can you hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on Look at look I mean look him is Look him white though because she's not like she's not like in Hollywood Hollywood Dash I saw her the other night. She looks amazing. Yeah, but I think she's but she's I had but she's holding up better than all the people like the Molly ring rolls and all that like like Like the white woman though age well, bro That's why so much high still tight some some white woman, you know, I know why women don't age bro I wish he's Mexican so on blonde people do not age well. Blonde fucking straight up, those Californian blonde, that's the sun though, hits the sun.
Starting point is 01:02:31 Yeah, they don't fucking age well, man. I mean, it's like, Oh, that vegan food. No, it's just that fucking face just falls. You know, Meg Ryan's face just fucking, and she was the cutest mother in top gun. Oh, yeah God she wasn't in top gun Stop for a one second you don't
Starting point is 01:02:53 Yeah, all right the dumb band I'm mad as cuz he was so confident She was it in fucking top Goose is with no girl Point though about this bell killer man Up that sad though guys can I explain something I you got a cut of a slakiest throat cancer I believe Cancer back in like the late night that look at his face is that why he looks face. Is that why he looks like that? Oh, you're just like going out there, but like by the way He's sick. That's a sick. Yeah, that's why he looks like that because he's well
Starting point is 01:03:33 I mean, you never know because medication or whatever you're taking you never know with the blue shirt go the blue collar Look how hot he was that was Val Kimmer and no, that was a nice top secret. nice top secret that was top that was a top gun Yeah, that's nice top secret. He was great, too. Yeah. Yeah, I saw him on a plane like two years ago He looked great all right, and that's a problem though when you when you make it on you like Tom Cruise type in Tom Cruise fat right now He was fat. No, he got fat. He did really dude. I haven't seen that Type in Tom Cruise fat. He's back now No, it's good science. I'll just try to kill he was in the fat suit for a tropic thunder type in Tom Cruise gain weight Tom Cruise gain weight I
Starting point is 01:04:23 Don't know bubble he bubble scrub that Scientology Wait This is not I'm gonna show you something right now. This is not full-on fat. We know that No, no. No, no. ¿Dónde es que es el primer que ha pasado? No, no, no. No, no, no. ¿Dónde es que es el primer que ha pasado? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Las últimas tendencias en botas, comodidad 10 de los de 29 con 99. Daeshman, mucho por andar. And if he's 67 though, yeah, but if he but I was saying it's like you know You make if you make it on your looks
Starting point is 01:05:33 If that's the part Robert to fall to it's to it's not Robert to fall has been bald pretty much from day one Yeah, he is fucking I'll watch anything that motherfucker does great Michael Douglas looks good still to Michael Douglas was good But he's old like always though, but he's a good looking old. What does that mean? He looks the age well. But will you take this one Brian? I can't do it. Brian. But he just ages well.
Starting point is 01:05:52 I mean Brandon. Brandon. Brandon. Brandon sorry. Listen, he, we, we, we're saying that he looked old when he was young. I don't think so. Bring up. Bring up your Brian's feelings for crying out loud.
Starting point is 01:06:04 I'm sorry. I don't think so bring up bring your brain's feelings for crying out Buddy, I was so mad at him that I fucking I just went you quickly. Yeah, come on. We're all happy you're here Brandon. Yeah It's Brandon oh Brandon. I Look at young Duval with hair look at the black and white photo They gotta go back to the 30s. Yeah, he looks like a badass. Yeah, that's good. Okay, now, dude, that's a serial killer. Look, what movie was that from? Go, go, go to my taxi driver.
Starting point is 01:06:32 Oh, he was Boo Ragn. Oh, he was Boo Ragn. He was Boo Ragn. Yeah. He wanted to academy your word for it. Anybody in the chat room bringing up anybody? Yeah, a lot of people said a little Kim really went downhill. Oh, hang on.
Starting point is 01:06:42 Yeah, we could bring up little Kim. Shout out to the chat room on it. I think Michael Douglass looks better now than he did when he was young. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, he looks good there. He looks weird. Yeah, he's weird. Yeah, he's weird. He do stuff in Ant-Man for his face though. Maybe. Yeah, but he's still a dole. He's still a like. I think he looks better now. I agree. He looks good in Wall Street. Yeah, yeah, Gordon Gecko. Yeah, I think it looks better now I agree he looks good on Wall Street. Yeah, yeah Gordon Gecko. Yeah I think it looks better now. I'm with you and you know what Tom Cruise had a lot of work done if you notice on Tom Cruise's mouth Yeah, you guys you guys
Starting point is 01:07:14 What yeah, you guys keep everybody like an apparently 80s like Denzel Tom Cruise like all that's it for pony boy Yeah, yeah teeth are so easy to fix though. Can't really get hair back Yeah, you can't while you can John's revolted dead. Yeah, yeah teeth are so easy to fix though. Can't really get hair back Yeah, you can't why you can't jump or vaulted did oh, okay We just didn't know it and he fucked up because you went to a party one day With short hair and the next day went with this long hair And they're like you do we were here yesterday and you had fucking short hair. Yeah, how do you have long hair Jeremy Piven? Nicholas Cage always has plugs. Yeah, I don't think I've got that's a Leetha this word. He's seeing them without them sometimes no cage has a way he has a piece. Yeah, he's good plugs
Starting point is 01:07:52 I don't understand why would because some you can't he doesn't know more man No, he's got money. That's why he's great. You see that thing on him and Vince Neil from Monica ruined Vegas and Vince Neil got like a fight and they were like hugging and shit. No Vince Neil actually attacked a woman. Oh, and Nicholas Cage was like stop it and tried to get him to stop it. Oh, God. And it was fucking like manhandling Vince because he was drunk. Yeah, I just saw the end part.
Starting point is 01:08:17 I didn't know he'd take it. Hey, bring up what's was it with little Kim? Is everything? I look terrible now. Yeah, yeah, she's a mess. She's a mess. She's white. Oh, yeah, she's a mess. She's a mess. She's white. Oh, yeah, she's done some bleach and she's
Starting point is 01:08:29 a little bit more. She's like a cat. Crazy. What the fuck happened? Yeah, look at her. Go to that blue one right there. And she had a kid recently right there. But I think she was hot.
Starting point is 01:08:37 That's the big days. Yeah. Yeah, she. Yikes. I think she was trying to be in Hollywood, like the white actresses. So she started doing all that work on her face. That's just, I think she was trying to be in Hollywood like the white actresses I thought she started doing all that work on her face That's just I mean plastic surgery. It's not good. It's it's it's it's got to be an addiction right? Yeah
Starting point is 01:08:54 So you think like a doctor would be like yeah, you gotta Got down a little bit. Why would you that's how I buy my I tell people to slow down I'm not gonna Especially if you're doing for like rich celebrities like the Kardashians I'm sure their people have like they pay out they pay a lot of what's their surgeons just to be like I'm not ever revealed that I did surgery on you But it's gotta be somebody who's doing it well. We just don't know because it's so good Yeah, we know more has good surgery. Oh really?
Starting point is 01:09:20 That's great. Oh, I think it's fall. I think last of us are she was a kind of rough after There's what happens here's what happens. I think it's fall. Last of my saw her, she was kind of rough at the, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, Got it and I'm not mean anymore any I can't I'm fucked because you already you already did it anymore So looks great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's so pretty but all these people get facelips too and she like that's the thing She had worked on definitely fucking Michael Keenan's that the best work. That's it's creepy People like a Keenan should whatever to him well, he like you could tell you got a face because like a burn man Like you watch HD the wrinkles are fucking terrifying really yeah, it's like really weird Yeah, if you watch HD and you see some of these actors, it's scary some body here that you like you get you get fucked up
Starting point is 01:10:11 Yeah, you get fuck like wow your faces Old issues, no, six drugs of rock and roll an HD like Bam bam got some issues that's fucked up man Diane Langley's Bam, bam, got some issues. That's fucked up, man. Thank you. Diane Layne was good, though. I've never heard of that, too. Diane Layne. I was over here. Diane, huh?
Starting point is 01:10:32 Diane Layne. Diane Layne's fine. You think she looks good? I think Diane looks good. I like Diane Layne. Oh, Diane Layne. What's the one that she had to affair with the Spanish dude? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:43 She's probably the whole way Yeah, she's been on Facebook She's been on Facebook? She's been on Facebook? She's having a richer gear, married to a richer gear Having an affair with the Spanish guy in the city And she fucked him in a hallway? In a hallway?
Starting point is 01:10:59 Did he get to see her titties? No, she's out No, no, no, no, it's a good scene I don't care They do it well They do it really well They do it really well She went up as great Do you get hard off of it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Say fuck me who says that Dan Lane what does she say? You risked out the words. Yeah, I know Brandon Brandon Dude, I'm so sorry BC
Starting point is 01:11:38 It's not as bad as Lenny called them called in banks. Oh, yeah, that was fucking I was like when he come on. Hey, who what did she say in the movie? I don't remember. Yeah, she's hard or fuck me. Yeah, she's just like, yeah, I want you to fuck me. Because she's like, oh, you don't want me to fuck you. I can't enjoy the married man. You can't enjoy the movie. The married man. Was he Chinese? What was this? What was that accent? Oh, go on. It's like a Italian, but he looks spent. He was Italian.
Starting point is 01:12:01 He's Italian. He's Italian. Yeah, Spanish guy says, tell me you love me. Right. He does that a lot. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can. Yeah, Spanish guy says tell me you love me Right, that a lot. Yeah Yeah, you can yeah, this guy. Yeah, that's you fucking bang the Halle Berry really I think I broke up the marriage right? He's the one to put a baby in her. Yeah, she liked the whitey. Yeah, how's Halle Berry looking? She looks great Oh, yeah, she's got to be good. No, it's not I don't think it's good though. What was the last movie she was in? Expense I'm not the X-Men X-Men yeah, probably yeah
Starting point is 01:12:30 That's that's on faithful on face put her hands She's stop for a second. We all know fucking yell at me at watch Because she just got banged and she's thinking about it. I think about the her so she masturbates She masturbates cuz she's thinking about stop Let him fucking talk you fucking jerk offs. She's thinking about the time you got fucked So she's thinking about it, but does she does she masturbate in the movie? Yeah, yeah, that's a scene right there Does she go this is like two seconds or does she go at it? Don't look like
Starting point is 01:13:02 I can't hear you because you fucking talking over. It's about how the fucking three minutes under the jeans and then you get three minutes so she's rubbing it out under and she's she getting into it. Oh, yeah, Phil had to leave. That is hot. Let me take some a chick going down on a button fly. On button on those four buttons and having her hands. You've never seen that movie? I've seen it but I don't remember that. That's good. I'm gonna what are you saying? Is that your porn?
Starting point is 01:13:30 That was like my first, yeah, first time I jerked off one of the first times. That's real? What? Yeah, when I was younger. First, it came out like 99. I was born 87, those 12. Did you have like no, no, no fucked up squiggly porn or something? You had that? I did, yeah, I had it but this was like, this is like, I am lame though. Don't do that. Don't swam fucking do that to me what squiggly porn or something? You had that? I did, yeah, I had it, but this was like, it's fido, I ain't, I ain't no.
Starting point is 01:13:45 Don't do that, don't fuckin' do that to me, what squiggly porn people know. This was not, I ain't no. What is squiggly porn? It's like when a public access channel's in like, at night and you're not like, it's when it's through it. I'm from Boston, we didn't have that
Starting point is 01:13:56 fucking ghetto TV channel. What you have? We had, you could actually almost get HBO when it first came out. You could do a little thing with, you could stick a card in the box I'm not kidding you could stick something in the box and it would give you age it could fuck with HBO a little bit you remember the late night I remember that's how I knew who Rosie Perez was they used to have these fucking like sex confessional real
Starting point is 01:14:21 sex really yeah and Rosie Perez did one when she was like getting Figured on a subway train what I don't know we're the president on the hot one and white You do the right thing man. Yeah, wait until she she's like a thing by a dude on a train And then like they meet again, but it doesn't happen. It's just like a ballet Bring up the got bring up the girl trying to get masturbating on the train video. Will you see that? Was it a video? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:47 OK, here's the day. The guy's on the fucking train next to this girl. She's fucking just fingerblasting herself. This guy's sitting next to her. She reaches over to grab his hand to stick his hand down her pussy. And he pulls away like, get the fuck out. She hot? I mean, she was she wasn't she wasn't
Starting point is 01:15:08 Pull away I mean hot enough how did I miss this? I don't feel like deep-hoot, doesn't it? Yeah Wait, they can fake it. They can fake it. This is real. I don't think it's real. I don't think it's real though. Oh my god No way. No, this is not real. She's real Oh, she's shifxed. Yeah, she's a little weird looking. But you see it's not unpull-awayable. No, right? No, that's what? What? He hasn't gotten up.
Starting point is 01:15:51 She's really in heat. He's like, now homey. He was thinking about it though. He was in the face right there. He was thinking about it. Did you see him look at the camera? Yeah, he did. You go back, he looks at the camera and he was like, no, I can't do this, I can't do this,
Starting point is 01:16:05 because he knows better. Oh, that's smart. I don't know if this is real, why is she ignoring him? She's ignoring it. I mean, she's probably, the fuck job, bro. She's probably, she is.
Starting point is 01:16:13 I thought they were a couple and he was like, tied her shit so he put on his headphones and shit and she's like, no, you want this pussy? He's like, no, he's like, bitch, no. I don't want it. It's so weird. But then once he looks at the camera, I know it's like he's not into the scene, right there. I don't want it so weird. But then once he looks at the camera, I know,
Starting point is 01:16:25 I know it's like he's done it to the seat, right there. I would think this was a trap. Yeah, you can't, this is, this is like man, it's all a trap. Everything's gonna happen. If this was 1992, you could have done it because nobody had cameras. All you had to do was look around
Starting point is 01:16:38 and make sure you didn't know anybody on the train. No, those people are never gonna see you again. Right. And if they do, they'd be like, you look man, I don't know. You know what I mean? But now they won't shake your hands. There's a fucking guy with a video camera on his phone. So you can't just finger blast that broad on the train.
Starting point is 01:16:54 If I, for one, I wouldn't video tape it, but if I did, I wouldn't put it online. She's like, that poor girl, maybe. There's like a video. Yeah, she had a week moment. Maybe she caught one of my sets. There's a video in real-star with two-duty gonna blow on a six train To do yeah, yeah, yeah to do to get blown by two different chicks on a
Starting point is 01:17:13 World star And that's definitely real cuz there's people in the train like what the fuck? Can you train me again cuz I didn't hear these two dudes are getting blown by like these up these two chicks Like clearly all know each other yeah on the six train and people are like What the fuck is happening? She's straight away taking out your dicks. It's going no shit. Wow. That's crazy Yeah, you can't do anything anymore. You can't I mean I On the six train
Starting point is 01:17:39 I got ahead I got ahead it asked a place she was on one side of the fucking gate and I was on the other Oh, check some chick some chick was at a show and Whenever and she saw me and she was she was coming off the train all fucked up And she was like hey you and I went over and she just grabbed me and she kissed me through the grate And she took my dick out and sucked it Well, it was like three in the morning nobody was around. Yeah, and she just took my dick out and sucked it. It was like three in the morning, nobody was around. Yeah. And she just started sucking my dick,
Starting point is 01:18:07 but I wouldn't ever do that now. I'd fucking get, you know, you'd be fucked. Yeah. You know, back then you had to worry about like some. I know that great too. I know exactly what you're talking about. I used to get blown in the park all the time. Just get my dick sucked on the bench.
Starting point is 01:18:20 You can't do that now. That's dangerous though. Well, you never know what fucking dickhead has their iPhone out recording you. Right. And then hashtag Robert Kelly getting his dicks out, sucked on a rat bench by fucking Chris Kopo. I didn't know you were okay. There's vultures out there.
Starting point is 01:18:33 They tweet that at the show and shit. Like they, ugh. Yeah, that's what you can't do. You get caught, you get caught by the cops though. You get a sex offender too. No, no, that's one thing. But then like if you're a comic and you're doing this shit, like they will tweet it at wherever you work
Starting point is 01:18:46 and whoever's employed, you gotta show them serious and go to the kitchen. You cannot cheat anymore. It is so fucking hard to be a person. As well the athletes now are so tough, they're gonna throw that constantly. You wanna be a millionaire? Come up with a fucking device that zilches people's phones.
Starting point is 01:19:03 So you can just fucking just, I couldn't imagine hooking up with a chick on the road, right? And then waking up to, yeah. And her just taking photos you sleeping. That happened. That happened with Ezekiel Elliott. Yeah, yeah. Ezekiel Elliott, he just got drafted,
Starting point is 01:19:20 and I guess he banged a girl, and the girl took a photo of him sleeping, and she was next to him like this. That would have been a little weird. Is he married? No, he just had a college. Oh, fuck it. Who gives a shit? Yeah, it's still though, but they were like what was he doing? Was he partying too much? Yeah, but imagine I mean I mean You can't fucking dude I used to get my dick sucked the vestibules and I mean Vestibules can be very sexual. Thank you Phil
Starting point is 01:19:43 That's because you can a DM vestibule. I would what is that like a like horn and a doorway or doorway Oh Okay vestibule. All right a lot of vestibules in New York City. Yeah, you know you get suck like there's the door You go in and then there's the other door I call that this suck zone That's what I call this podcast. I've hooked up on a few vestes myself, yeah. Is there anything better than that?
Starting point is 01:20:13 It's the best, yeah, because you're halfway in, but you can't wait. So you just go at it right there. Just go at it and somebody, but someone might be coming. Someone might be knocking on that fucking door, buzzing in the pizza guy. Ah, he got one better though. Yeah. I'm bugging with that. You got your mediocre pecker fucking in some chick's mouth.
Starting point is 01:20:31 I'll take it. Right? And I'll grab a slice. What's the pizza? You can't do any of that anymore. No. Right? No, I'm not.
Starting point is 01:20:40 What? No, why not. No, you can't do it. That's easy for you. You just got fucking divorced. Oh shit. I didn't know that. Going through about it.
Starting point is 01:20:48 Going through. Going through. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, that's my heart. Going through, sorry. Yeah, that's it. If you ever need anyone to talk to you, or I just,
Starting point is 01:20:57 are you single? No. What's that? Are you single? I'm officially at the moment in a very casual situation. Are you single? Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:07 Mark's very single. Of course. He's saying, he out here. I got a vestibule. Are you single? I got a sex zone. You have a girlfriend? Yeah, five years, man.
Starting point is 01:21:15 Five years, and you have a wife. Yeah, I'm out there. You have kids? When did you get married? I had to summer. Oh, really? Congratulations. Thank you, I appreciate that.
Starting point is 01:21:23 I must mean a lot coming for your favorite comic. Yeah. So, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I appreciate that. I must mean a lot coming for your favorite comic. Yeah I'm so I'm so ready to hear that. That brand's picking new. Oh, no Is it because you've been on the podcast? No That's a can I say something that's a very good question, right? No, this has been about a year and a half in the making well, and you've been on a lot of our first date that Well, it's funny that you've done it. I said that. It's very funny because when I first you wanted to be on the show, I said to you, look,
Starting point is 01:21:56 are you happily married? I didn't want some fucking chick who wants to come bang dudes. Yeah, I didn't want. I wanted and you were like, yeah, I love my husband. Everything's great and everything's awesome. I'm like, good, that's cool. I didn't want to have some Jersey fucking chick second
Starting point is 01:22:12 everybody's cock. I don't need that. Sounds awful. I don't need that. What's so bad about that? I don't need that temptation. It's her stupid marriage. It doesn't mean mine has to be.
Starting point is 01:22:24 Is that way to love food in here? No temptation Now I've been with him since I was 18 and fortunately 10 years. Oh shit. Yeah He's a good guy. No, we're high five and out of this one That's the way Are you gonna be like out in these streets doing. I'm just hanging and banging, man. She's not banging anybody. I'm not banging anybody. She's not banging my end, stop it.
Starting point is 01:22:48 Nobody's banging. What's your type? How would you describe your type? I'm just the regular white dude. What? Just the regular white dude. White dude, okay. You don't listen.
Starting point is 01:22:57 Can I stop one second? God, I'm gonna kill you. You're just messing. You don't. You just say regular dude. Yeah, you see how racist that felt? Wow. That felt racist? Yeah, you see how braces that felt wow That felt racist
Starting point is 01:23:11 I'll take you on a list. Wait, I'm so sexually First you literally said no black eyes all day to black Mexicans Just mad about black what about all the other group? Yeah, she's gonna fuck a black guy a guilt now No, you didn't say you say no Asians. You just said yeah, right to ball That's tight you saying I would in We just said are you gonna be out here? You just fucking stop looking at me look at Mike I'm just asking a question
Starting point is 01:24:00 My name is you can make sure you say my name say my name Calm My name is you can make sure you say my name. My name My name Con Ryan before She got a data black dude now. Yeah, not just a black dude, but just like I just want to experience You have you have a lot to catch up on yeah, I got a lot. I would you don't have to do you don't have to do you don't have to do anything I don't even know what it's like anymore Be with the woman You don't have to do anything was there anybody at the barbecue you liked no
Starting point is 01:24:32 Nobody yeah, we were there Goldman was there to good looking man. I want to ask you question. Can I look at me? What? Nobody at that barbecue you would have went on a date with I don't know maybe You know what it is? Everyone just wants to fuck me. No one wants to get to know me. And we'll talk about that. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:24:49 I do a first date. I go through the scene. Hey. That's. I'm there. I'm there. The day someone asked me out on the date, I'll let you know. I want to ask you questions.
Starting point is 01:24:59 What? I thought I was about to ask her. What are you doing today? What's the root of everything? Let me ask you guys about Max. I have an abarbake. Anybody at that barbeque that you would like to go out with? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:25:14 Come on, you know. I'm asked just be honest. I'll talk to you later about it. You're honest about how big your vag is. That's true. Was there somebody there? Maybe. Stop.
Starting point is 01:25:24 Let me ask you this question. Are they single? Yes. Oh. Oh, shit. All right. So what was the date, Max? Yes.
Starting point is 01:25:36 Oh, by the way, I didn't tell you this, Max was grabbing my boobs all day. Yeah, I know. I thought I'm out of here. We took me two days to teach him to grab your titties. Wait till he puts you. Next. And then do I have one? to teach him to grab your titties. Wait till he puts you. Next. And then, don't let him.
Starting point is 01:25:46 I teach him how to take photos too. And he was trying to rip down my past, asking me what was inside of me. Take those off. He's going, take those off. I told him he could put his toys in there. That's a big whiffle ball bat. Fucking kickball. All right, moving on. So you want to go on a date? I Fucking kickball
Starting point is 01:26:10 All right moving on so you want to be you want to go on a date no, I just want to be alone Oh, you would be widened and dying though. You don't want to just be yeah sure Summer girl you can only dying You can't why He wants about his career all the time He wants what his career all the time. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:26:26 Oh. Oh. Fuck me. Oh. Well, you know, how old are you, sweetie? 29. My family's freaking out. They should be.
Starting point is 01:26:36 Yeah. No. You should be. You're going to look like Meg Ryan next year. Without the money. You could have lived you living in Manhattan? No. Oh, I'm just try to figure out.
Starting point is 01:26:46 You get to get trained. I'm making small talk. I feel bad. I've gone through breakups or awful. I've done, I've got my green card, the legal thing that's a pan in the ass to combine the two. Yeah, that's terrible. Don't feel bad.
Starting point is 01:26:57 It's actually a great mutual break up. OK, well, that's good. We're very happy for each other. OK. Yeah, the horse is always a good thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's always good. I mean, somebody you don't want to be with, you know,
Starting point is 01:27:07 right? And they're permanent. Yeah. Well, son, I was a good thing because one person might be like, I'm so glad I really love this. It goes to me, yeah, well,
Starting point is 01:27:17 I love, they both seem fine. But that's not always a good thing. I guess some guys, like, I love my life. I love my wife. I love my kid. And then you wake up and she suck and somebody's dick and you're like, oh my, not my life's over, I have to divorce, I don't want to. We have no fucking choice because she was sucking
Starting point is 01:27:33 young guys' ears. And now I'll never get that visual out of here. And no one has to die at my period. My chick just told me, what in the morning? Wow. Ryan is violent. Yeah. Death threats would have hurt my heart. My chick just told me this morning, Wow. Ryan is violent. Yeah. Death threats would have hurt a lot.
Starting point is 01:27:46 My chick just told me this morning, very nonchalantly. I might go to the Cape. My friend has a place in the Cape, and I might take Max to the Cape for a few days. I was like, what am I going? You're going on vacation to the Cape without dad in the summer? I've been working my fucking cutoff for a year and a half to make fucking money to pay the fucking bills to have a fucking I haven't had a vacation
Starting point is 01:28:25 I've had work vacation I'm going to Rupa but I got a work yeah I went to fucking Marco Island I had a work I want to I took the month of August off not one show in August and now you're going to the fucking Cape for a few days on on my dime he knows I'm not done, right? I'm not done. You see. Well, he might think your name's done. Yeah. Listen, B-boy. Byron.
Starting point is 01:28:54 Come on. Byron. And she's going away. She's going to go away for four days to the Cape over with. And I go, I got to find this is the key point. I don't mind. Go ahead, just because she never sees her friends. They're all from Boston. I want to spend time with my friends. She has a daughter I have max. I'm just gonna take Max away and spend some time. Okay, okay, you don't see yourself hang on my second Is her husband gonna be there
Starting point is 01:29:21 I'm gonna be there. Oh. Oh. Cause if it's guy girl, kid, girl, kid, nobody, now I'm gonna have to hire somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Really? I was stalling baby monitor in the fucking house.
Starting point is 01:29:37 Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna have to do something. Why the fuck does he get to go? I know it's his house. Why the fuck does her husband get to be there? Yeah. And why the fuck does your husband not get to be? Why don't I?
Starting point is 01:29:49 Yeah, of course you do invite you Maybe you haven't invite there's something up every year to go maybe she's trying to make you jealous Yeah, well here's the deal I said to her I go I'll go I you know Ray wants me to go to a rubah I'll just go to a rubah. She's like you're gonna buy yourself But she can go to the Cape by herself. And I get, look, if you're going just to hang with your friend, okay, but she's with Max, though. You can fuck with the game. That's a good idea.
Starting point is 01:30:11 You're not going to get caught. You're not going to get caught. Not with him on your tits. Put him in a room. Put him in a nap. You're having nap. But Dohr is not going to do that. No, she, no, she, no.
Starting point is 01:30:20 I'm not, of course she's not going to do, I don't know. Listen. I'm not saying she of course she's not gonna do it. I don't know. Listen. I'm not saying, I'm not saying she's gonna do that. It's not even that. It's the fact of, it's a little, it's just a little out of the blue, a little fucking weird. Yeah. And here's the deal.
Starting point is 01:30:35 Wait, the husband's going? So he gets to be, why the fuck the, where the fuck did you come, why did I get uninvited? The husband lives the other, right? The husband lives the house. He owns the house. He owns the house and that's where they the husband lives the house he owns the house and
Starting point is 01:30:45 that's where they own the house the couple owns house that's where they were going into here's a deal though the couple owns a house but it's their vacation home it's not their home so he works so he might be working all week yeah he might be working and then they're there with the kids and he might show up for a day or something yeah that's right maybe some girl time yeah yeah yeah I want some They're there with the kids and he might show up for a day or something. That's right. That's what I'm saying. Maybe he's gone some girl time.
Starting point is 01:31:06 Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I want some girl time too. Yeah. Well, that's what she said. You get to go away. I go, yeah, I go away by myself on the road. I'm in a hotel room. I can't drink, do drugs.
Starting point is 01:31:17 I'm not supposed to eat carbs or sugar. I can't fuck anything. Can't even hire a massage. I can't do shit. I sit in the fucking room and I try to write stuff and I sit there with three paragraphs Where the commerce are fucking wrong and the and I want to kill myself But I can't have a fucking and then I go to do shows come on by my fucking self Sitting in room until four in the morning and then wake up at fucking seven cuz I wake up at seven
Starting point is 01:31:39 Fucking every day cuz the kid and I'm tired. I'll fucking down. I'm alone I have fucking one sock on I can't find the other fucking sock. And I'm so let's go to the gym, but I'm not going to the fucking gym. Because I'm lazy, I'm depressing, I'm fucked up. And I just want to fucking get my cock sucked and have a girl look up and my jizz in her mouth and go, ooh, you fucking hot and rub my abs.
Starting point is 01:31:56 That don't exist. But I don't fucking dance what I get. Brian, what are you doing to the guy? Yeah, and my own mystery loves company. What the fuck is happening right now? Somebody bring this guy a cookie. Do you understand me, guy? Misery loves company. What the fuck is happening? Somebody bring this guy. You're the stand me, Brendan? If, if, if,
Starting point is 01:32:09 I wasn't going, then as a fellow married man, I'd be like, bro, you got to intervene. I get nervous though, because I've heard some, you know, a lot of people. You hear stories, but last couple of years, a lot of crazy shit's gone down in this fuck, you know. Yeah. No. No, she'll be on a subway world star video soon.
Starting point is 01:32:26 Well, I've got to fight. I've got to fight. I'm just saying, so if it happens, it'll all be on film as you say. Bro, the owl. Bro, the owl. No, no. Who's that, Sodor?
Starting point is 01:32:37 I, uh, well, look. I mean, in reality, go ahead, go do it. You know, look. Yeah, even if I caught my wife cheating on me, you ain't leaving, bitch. No. You ain't leaving. No, you ain't leaving.
Starting point is 01:32:54 Really? When I pick the word, okay, the one time, you're like, you're not leaving. Okay, let's leave the country twice. Twice. Two different dudes. Yeah, you're leaving. You still doing my laundry, bitch. just be in my laundry bench your life
Starting point is 01:33:05 You're doing my laundry that's gonna fucking pay my bills and you're gonna stick it out for the and you're gonna be there You're gonna be that kids mom until there's around 10 or 11. I'm not happy no more. Yeah, then you fucking leave and you get nothing Mm-hmm. I'm fine. That's a good and I will fucking I will fucking I will live in the shed I'm fine and I will fucking I will fucking I will live in the shed Just part of your balls Don't know what the fuck what the fuck what yeah, pull up a picture done you know down No, I don't fucking I don't show my wife fucking when she's young I don't show my wife my wife. We're not connected on the internet at all Now she's beautiful. Well, here's a deal. I
Starting point is 01:33:51 Look I gotta get my shit together Because now I'm getting nervous Bobby she's going on vacation with a friend and bringing the kids. Yeah I'm getting nervous because I saw a picture of me and I saw a picture her and there's a way difference now Yeah, I'm that guy where it's like where's why the fuck is this bitch with him? But you're on TV, buddy. That's a big that gives me that and I'm funny and I make money. Yeah I pay the bills. Yeah, that's all great. That's all fine and dandy, but let me tell you something When even though it's the some people
Starting point is 01:34:25 The closer you get the shitier they treat you But let me tell you something, even though some people, the closer you get, the shittier they treat you. Yeah, of course, I've seen that. Which is fucking ridiculous to me. Well, you're comfortable, you get to know them, so you're free. The more comfortable you get to shittier people, you don't appreciate it. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 01:34:39 Something that happens, doesn't matter. I remember the first girl, but first love of my life one time, I did something to her, I did the whole time, she went, you know what, they used to be funny, can you stop that? It's not't matter. I remember the first girl, but first love of my life one time, I did something to her, I did the whole time, she went, you know what, they used to be funny. Can you stop that?
Starting point is 01:34:49 It's not funny anymore. And I told her I'd go, that's the end of our relationship. Not now, we're not gonna bring up tonight, but just know, tonight was the day it fucking, I knew it was over. And that was it, over.
Starting point is 01:34:59 I'm not saying that, I love my wife. Of course, she's just going to the Cape, to have a good fucking time, but I'm definitely hiring a private eye It's you careless much. You know you've been married. I don't know how many years you're tired Most people like she's getting out of the house great and you're like freaking out That's kind of it. Let me take them if I had a six pack. I'd tell them to get fucking good for you
Starting point is 01:35:17 Oh be fucking Lauren in the asshole in my backyard You know they gotta be fucking heaven. It's it falls deep blowing me scopo and deep in the back of the studio dick sucking YKW D-Pod gasoline. What are we? I swear to God. Lauren, what do we name this one? I can't breathe. Cheers kids. Deepo's hair.
Starting point is 01:35:42 Quifs. My asshole, Farts 2ch 2 is a million of these names And now it was weird though. It was a little fucking weird. Yeah, it's it people get too close So one thing you have to have boundaries. Yeah, first time to see you have to have fucking boundaries This first time anything like this has happened. What do you mean? We're like she's like okay? I'm gonna go on this trip like Like, has it ever been the time? Never in my life has she ever said, I wanna go, well, no. Of course, she went home to Boston a bunch of times.
Starting point is 01:36:11 Yeah, but I mean, like, where you were like, right way, way to my- Like to the cape? Yeah. No, she's never gone away. Well, I don't know. She's, I mean, look, she's going back to Boston a bunch. I'm going to hang out, I'm going back home, you know.
Starting point is 01:36:22 And look, I think it's important for her to be with the kid, go on a trip and be alone and spend some time. I think it's important for her to see your friends. Did you just hold your finger up? Sorry, one of the cameras got disconnected. I got to take a quick break, like one minute. Okay, we're gonna take one little quick break, we'll be back in two seconds.
Starting point is 01:36:39 Sorry about that. All right, we're back. We had a little, you know, someone stepped on a wire. Little boy. Well, a lot of these wires sometimes pop off of the things that they're hooked onto because of the heat. We have a lot of people. We had everything taped up and everything's hot in here.
Starting point is 01:36:54 So I guess that's a lot of fun. Yeah, we have a lot of people using the studio too and they don't take care of it as well as Deepu and Chris and Lauren and myself. So I blame those fucks. Any hill. I need a little break, and it was a little blame those fucks. Any him. I needed a little break, and he was a little heated. Yeah, it was good.
Starting point is 01:37:08 A little. A little while back. Bobby was getting home. Sharon's getting scared. Well, look, at this stage of the game, does she have the same worries with you? You're going to be home by yourself. You're going to be working.
Starting point is 01:37:19 Of course. You're on the road on the side. I'm going to be home. I'm going to be home. I'm going to be calling you bam, bam, and shit on the road. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home.
Starting point is 01:37:27 I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home.
Starting point is 01:37:35 I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home.
Starting point is 01:37:43 I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna me and Don made an alliance, so. Fuck your alliance, man. Did you guys see that? If she fucks somebody, if she breaks the alliance, she breaks the alliance with the Regina. You'd vagina, you're gonna put the owl in that country. That's right, God. That was actually a real owl. Fucking dude. Hardened, hardened in her fucking presence.
Starting point is 01:38:03 My divorce president. Medusa, just a texturgy lavender. Oh my god. I like it. Splendid dildo. Wow. He's just using a fucking yard owl. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:38:15 He's gonna sit on a fire saying, you're gonna fucking. Do you have anything to with of an owl? I can put in my pussy. No talons, please. Just so sick of the noises with these other dildos. Yeah. Now, it's, I, you know, I want to talk to you about it again.
Starting point is 01:38:31 It was just a little, a little out of the box. A little like, I went, I went, huh? She was like, I was like, oh, you're looking, you know what? Yeah. I was like, okay. What did you do then? Go, how did the conversation end?
Starting point is 01:38:45 End of the month is a week where whatever. I guess I'll be home alone, but look, I don't give a fuck. I'd love to be home. I'm gonna fucking jerk off at every single jerk off of Max's crib. I'm fucking. We gotta lie on his changing bed and fucking crank one out. Where were the baby wipes are already?
Starting point is 01:39:00 We're at diaper. I'm gonna jerk off on the diaper. That's a strong baby. I'm gonna play for it. Fuck on her side of the bed. I'm gonna play for her. I'm gonna She'll a fuck my hand on her side of the bed. Listen, I mean, I'll be fine. I'll throw a big bar That's a weekend. I should throw a big All guys and we get some fucking hoars to show
Starting point is 01:39:24 Lauren get some fucking whores to show. Yeah! Yeah! You fucking it. Lauren, I'm a linch. Yes. I think I put Phil in the wig. She could be linch. Same body. Okay. I just got to fucking replace his eyes with fucking muppet eyes.
Starting point is 01:39:36 Anyways, I'll keep you updated on that. What's going on in the chat room? Did they die? No, they were very engaged. Someone says Lauren J. Gomez has a very nice ring to it. Oh. Yeah. You always want to take her on a date.
Starting point is 01:39:52 Is that not? You were talking about it at the barbecue that was single? No. Oh, no, they're not. I think. Absolutely not. I already told you no. You asked me in the car and said, no.
Starting point is 01:40:03 Stop. Don't get mad at me. I haven't said it. You're right. Don't talk to me the cards that know Don't get mad at me. I have a Don't talk to me the way I talk to Brenda You look so cute drinking a regular size coke You look so cute drinking a regular sized coke. Damn it's cold, but you set me up! Alright, let's fucking wrap this fucker up. I'll let you know what's going on, but I think if she does go that weekend, I throw a fucking
Starting point is 01:40:37 guy barbecue. Oh man. Love it. And then we invite, we invite, we'll have a thing where we invite some women, fans of the show, fans of the show, we meet in Greek. We do a meet in Greek, and I do meet in Greek. Yeah, that's just a meet.
Starting point is 01:40:56 We do a meet in Greek at the fucking barbecue. Yes, huh? One on one, so we're gonna show. And Lauren, you come, you shop around, sir. You shop around me, make sure I don't do it. I'll do it with sugar mama. Right, you know, you make sure I don't do anything bad. All right, that's you.
Starting point is 01:41:09 No phones, yeah, no phones. No, I got a fucking phone basket at the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have Dante get all the phones. Oh, no, no, you can, guys, excuse me. I can't. You got a phone on your ankle, I can see it. Oh.
Starting point is 01:41:27 This is a women, you got a pimple. If you don't have, listen, Verizon was striking everywhere. And we got a card from being outside all day. But listen, Bobby, we're going through the movie. You're going to go come see the Avengers 7. I'd join you, but I'm terrified. Yeah, you've had a too many black dudes fucking hands in your face They just don't get your cutiness. No, no not a fan. It's a cultural thing
Starting point is 01:41:57 What else the chat room got Going back a couple topics. I asked the chat room what they would bring Max for their birthday and Chuck Cedar says I would bring some escorts That's what that's good for three. That's inappropriate. Very inappropriate wildly inappropriate. Yes Joe Felix would bring a Mark Norman doll that goes ah-ha I take it all right. I think you should have those in merch. Yeah, I'll sign them pull a string in the back and your hand go Another one goes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
Starting point is 01:42:31 A lot of people were talking about how Dave Smith was on Joe Rogan's podcast last night. Oh, good for day. A lot of people, you mean two? Half our chat room. I, again, two. I heard, two. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I was, I was wind up on these podcasts at the end. I'm like they jumped, you know, not just,
Starting point is 01:42:53 he's probably jumped the shark, but, you know, I maybe should have been on before fucking, you know, half the fucking people that have been on so fucking, never been on that fucking show. He was my idol growing up. Oh, really? Joe Rogan was my idol growing up. Oh really? Joe Rogan was my, yeah, I mean, he was a guy for a star. I was like, that's what I love.
Starting point is 01:43:10 That type of comedy. I'm a big fan of Rogan. And then the motherfucker won't have me on. I think he hates fat people. Yeah, I could see that. I could see that. He's all fit and yeah, probably. That was joking.
Starting point is 01:43:21 Oh, what the fuck? I'm just saying, I'm just trying to be like, I got you. You know, Joe, you're probably, I'm just saying how to try it right. I'm joking. I'm joking. I just, I don't everybody hate to fath people. You know what? I'm talking about you there. Stay back. My belt is literally hurting my stomach from laughing.
Starting point is 01:43:37 The belt buckle is hurting me. I have to edit. No, that he was on the show. Heard he did great, too, right? Yeah, the fuck, the rear-hour episode. What's, I didn't hear you because two, right? Yeah, the fuck, the real-hour episode. What's I didn't hear you, because two people talked. Oh, the fuck was very entertaining. Oh, I wish it was great. I know why they talked over you. Yeah, nothing to say.
Starting point is 01:43:54 Yeah, it's good, man. I love Dave Smith. He's a good guy. Yeah, great, great. Funny comic. Yeah, what else you got in there? I tried to make that go somewhere deeper, but it just fought. What do you you gonna do? Yeah, I just move on to the next fucking person. During your rant, the chat room got very scared.
Starting point is 01:44:11 Why? Hard attack. And Don Tomarko says, Bobby, you need to eat more cinnamon. What the fuck? The fuck are you a child, my last name? No. Who says that? What was it? The fuck are you a child, Ballester? What the hell? Who says that? What was it?
Starting point is 01:44:28 Why, why do you think that was? I haven't been to a better mid-end. It speeds up your metabolism, I think. Oh, really? Oh, that was it. Oh, shaker. A vagina hole? No, tried.
Starting point is 01:44:39 I'm actually right. I'm back on the diet today. Uh-huh. Yeah. But there's a fucking, on the show, sex drugs, they were doing the scene with all the girls dancing and they, you know, it was a kind of montage. Just for shits and giggles, I ran in shirtless and dance with them. They didn't know.
Starting point is 01:44:57 And they screamed and laughed and it was to make everybody laugh. Yeah. It was not to be in the show. They want to put it in the show. Now, and fucking this dude, I know, Mao, who's a cigar guy and this other guy, Steve was a cigar guy. They wound up fucking, you know,
Starting point is 01:45:17 I've just recently become friends with them. And, you know, I was just last night, I'm trying to put my kid down. All of a sudden, that photo, a screenshot of that with my side-tit, I was just fucking, I'm like, oh, look at what I found. It's like, really, what are you fucking internet trolls? You cocks out, it's like, you know,
Starting point is 01:45:35 you have my personal number, you don't get to troll me on my fuck. And then he's like, well, the other guy wrote, that will haunt me forever, it's like, great, that's good. That's what I need. I was trying to make a couple of broads laugh on set. Make a key grip. Have a giggle.
Starting point is 01:45:50 Can we see it? I'll show you it. You had your shirt off on Louis Show. You didn't look bad. Yeah, nice talking to you. What do you say? Nice talking to you. What do you say?
Starting point is 01:46:00 I'm going to make that. I'm going to make that. Well, his bra, isn't it? Yeah. We've got to, um,, his bra, isn't it? Yeah. We gotta um... I tell ya, I really do, man. I have to... It's just fucking terrible.
Starting point is 01:46:11 I'm scared, man. My brother's sick, my little brother's sick. Don't you get in the way for the show? My sister's sick. I didn't gain the... I had the weight for the show and I kept it... I don't fuck it. I shouldn't...
Starting point is 01:46:22 It doesn't matter. I should've lost it. I gotta fucking lose it, dude. I can't do it. I'm just in a fucking battle of my life and nobody gets it. It really is, it's just, look at man. When you're on heroin or you're on alcohol,
Starting point is 01:46:36 everybody seems to be, people care. And this place is, you stop working, you stop living, and you go, take care of that. When you're fat, you don't stop, you have to, I can't take two months off of my fucking being a dad and I'm like, to go fucking, I don't have the money to go to fat camp. We're gonna have fat camp.
Starting point is 01:46:57 What about boxing here? So I'm like, I have to take care of this myself. Why don't you focus on it in August? You have August off, why don't you do that, something you're something you for no because if I don't try today? Yeah, literally You know, I'm being charged today But you if I don't try today like have a salad and eat right? Uh-huh, then I'll I'll eat my face off until August I'll be I'll be even heavier. I'll be even harder. Okay. It's a hard one. This is the worst ever this one
Starting point is 01:47:20 I'm really I had it and I lose it. I have it and I lose it when you get like a trainer and stuff I had it. I did it doesn't work really what about you know what what about yoga did it didn't work You got it. You got a come on. You got it. Come on. Give it to me. What else you got? Go see a nutritionist Did it didn't work. What else you got? Come on eat Did it didn't work. What else you got just go to a docking to some surgery? What What else you got just go to a dock and do some surgery? What the fuck did you say to him? I think he stuck there. He wanted something he never did.
Starting point is 01:47:48 How dare you. How fucking dare you. You wanted something you never did. I don't know why I allow you here. I can't. That ain't fucking black. You need a black brittle. Well, man, let me see if I got it.
Starting point is 01:47:59 These cock seconds. You ever try running like jogging or something? I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. Why don't you just walk for an hour every day? Really Buddy a garlic knot the fill in the floor
Starting point is 01:48:23 God it wasn't the laughter of beears. Thank you Mark. Oh, it's not that bad. I've never been described more perfectly. I do, I look like a little thing of dough that somebody rolled up and then buttered it and put fucking salt on it and baked it for 25 minutes or 350. I'm not being good hungry. I gotta try.
Starting point is 01:48:47 Anyways, let's not end on a bad note. Let's not end on a good note. You'll be here. All right. Brian, what do you got? Oh, besides a name change. My name is... All right.
Starting point is 01:48:58 You can follow me at American Collins. I got... She's your name? My hat's you have to fucking let me mark it. Call me Carl call me Carlton Banks on misery loves company. What's your name? So my name is Brandon Collins. Why I know your real name? No, so on Twitter it used to be Carlton Banks as a joke Yeah, but then under that it was like my old username Yeah, and then fucking Lenny Marcus shot out Kami allies because he did our show
Starting point is 01:49:20 It's I don't think Mike Brown and Carlton Banks. Oh my god damn it all right, so you changed it Yeah, so now what is it now since Brandon Collins American Collins cool. I like Brandon Collins whose name is that? So fucking cute dude. I love having you on the show. We love you Thank you, man. I got my birthday show comedy outliers. Oh you wanted me to do it right? Yeah, man But you're gonna be I think it'd be on town. Oh, okay. Wow That's a fucking blow off Sarah did you 20 wife I'm doing the show on the cape My bell bug like an undo my belt
Starting point is 01:49:57 Don't move me love Sarah did you 25 what the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah, weird, man. I've had too much caffeine, right? Should I get to eat, let's hurry up? Saturday, June 25th, you're in all 7 p.m. shows. My birthday turned 30.
Starting point is 01:50:13 Mike and I are hosting it. It's gonna be a blast. We're gonna sell out so, combyoutlars.com. Congratulations, man. I wanna be on that show. I wanna do your show, man. Yeah, man, we wanna have it.
Starting point is 01:50:23 I wanna fucking do it. Should the free land just do the the free land? Okay, let me tell you something. When somebody. I want to do your show, man. Yeah, man, we want to have it. I want to fucking do it. Should the Freeliner just do the barbecue? Okay, let me tell you something. When somebody says, I want to do your show, you don't bring up somebody else. Hey, Judah, Louis, I don't give up. I feel like you have a bit, you say you want to do it,
Starting point is 01:50:34 but I feel like you like, you like, uh, it's a, so I, look at it, I don't do that. I don't care who the final care of you had fucking prior. If you brought him back and stuck him in the chair and dusted his forehead off, I'd fucking, well. Oh, good. Oh, good.
Starting point is 01:50:48 Let me, I was not, I get funny at all. Do we have a not funny band-aid? So yeah, I just want to give the band-aid a bit. That's what I get a lot. The show looks cool, man. I have a really great time. It's great, actually. I had a great time, money.
Starting point is 01:51:04 What's that? Lenny. Lenny Marcus, did you show? Yeah, the stand-up show. Yeah, I asked him. He had a great time I believe you why you guys talking to me Because you don't like him. He's a buddy who talks to you and give you the room Well, I believe I want to do it. You don't believe me that I want to do it I don't believe it. I don't know. Yeah, no, we had to go to New York comedy festival show You know, I can't do it. What happened? Yeah, comedy festival show you like I can't do it. What happened? Well, the comedy festival show
Starting point is 01:51:26 New York Times was like I am and Bobby Kelly me like oh, well, yeah, did I bail? Yeah, you bet. Oh, why? Because you had better things to do. No, why I did not there was something I did not just bail on you Oh, you called me man. You're like, hey man. I had another gig. Yeah, something happened. Yeah Yeah, I'm not turning down thousands of dollars to hear fucking job What you say? You don't want these beers? He's drinking tickets. I don't drink No, I usually show up at gigs well Well hydrated. Give you a cigar. What do you got Markey?
Starting point is 01:52:03 Hey check out Tuesdays with stories. I'll be on the road. I'm doing the comedy Anakin Bloomington, Syracuse Funnybone, Cap City, Providence Comedy Connection. Bunch of day, go to Marknormandcomedy.com. And then buy my new doll that goes, ah-ha! That's all I got. Thanks for having me.
Starting point is 01:52:24 Please stop staring at me. Phil, what do you got besides fucking low blood sugar? Uh, this, uh, I'm out of the punch line in San Francisco on June 29th. Good luck to Jill and the second. Great club, one of my favorite clubs. Yeah. And Molly's fucking awesome. Molly's a mess of money.
Starting point is 01:52:44 I wish I only worked every like three years I don't know what happens I specifically asked Chris to do the show to plug that weekend Oh, there you go. Great. June 29th to July 2nd. Yeah, the punchline San Francisco punchline. Yeah, one of the greatest clubs really is country Yeah, great owner So good American club to book me Yeah, I'll be So good. The American club to book me. Yeah. Oh, the decisions aren't that fucking great. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:53:08 Yeah. The great area of town. Awesome, man. So make sure you're San Fran people, anybody on Northern California, even if you're in LA, take a trip. It's more trips. Take a Greyhound.
Starting point is 01:53:20 I'm telling you, man, go to the club. I mean, if not for Phil, just to see that iconic club. Particularly for me, though. Yeah, I mean, you go, you enjoy yourself. I club I mean if not fulfill just to see that iconic club particularly for me though yeah I mean you go the you'll enjoy yourself I mean it's not gonna suck but there's other things to do around the club I would specifically come to July 2nd yeah to see comedy yeah yes one of the funniest guys gone right now oh thanks Bobby I mean the soon as other people get windy you you know you'll you'll be good oh yeah hopefully yeah takes a while not too much we'll blow away damn what the whole show he's a thin guy yeah we got it
Starting point is 01:54:02 we got it all right Michael what do you got, buddy? I got things coming up that I can't talk about, but I will talk about them on a comedy outliers podcast, which you can subscribe to. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What do you give my fucking fans some juice? Court date? Give me half a hand. If I put my kids out here, I can't really have that.
Starting point is 01:54:23 You're going to talk about it. Come on, man. Come on man. Come on a little bit. Give us a taste. I booked a pilot but I can't talk about it. Whoa! It's me. It's me.
Starting point is 01:54:33 It's me. It's me. I'll talk about that on the comedy outliers pilot. What website is it on? Yeah. That one. Is it network? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:54:43 Like one of the three bigs? Oh, I don't know how I don't know. I'll talk to you after that. Wait, anyway, B-T. Ah! That's not working right, B-T. I'm not black enough. Anyway, listen to me.
Starting point is 01:54:55 Congratulations. Yeah. I am so fucking happy. We're almost finally gonna get away from Brenda and not just do your own thing. Oh, God, I wish you show Barry some respect. I said, Brian is doing fine on this show. You're right.
Starting point is 01:55:10 Dude, I'm, I'm, listen, I am so happy for you. You can, I am so sad for you. Oh yeah. A comedy outliers with Lil Marcus and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, This motherfucker just lost his half. Doesn't it suck when you both don't book something? We're a team until one of you gets... I think we'll help the show. Believe me buddy, I fucking went through this with Dane Cook. I was in an improv group called Al Namaugis.
Starting point is 01:55:39 So Barry Katz on name do the robot. And do the robot. I do the snowman, the terminator thing. Buddy, congratulations. We'll see what happens. I'll be back on the stage. I know, dude. It's a very early stage.
Starting point is 01:55:57 It's pilot to pilot. But you know what? Let's send all good energy away. Yeah, the energy you can buy. Let's make this happen. You know, and good for you, man. That's so much bigger than the punchline in San Francisco. No, it's not.
Starting point is 01:56:11 Not yet. Well, listen to that and more at the company at last podcast on iTunes. I'll follow you. Tell me, that's a big gig you got. It's good, yeah. I mean, I do it every year, so I can see why. Ah!
Starting point is 01:56:23 Woo! Every year! Where the heck? Where the heck? Yeah, I mean I do it every year so I can see I want to say this, make sure that we have our premium channel up right now. You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll always have this show free. 10 episodes will always be free. You never have to pay. You don't get the money.
Starting point is 01:56:57 You don't want to pay. Fuck it. We'll always have free episodes. But we do have a premium options for you fans who want to be part of that, help the show. And we've been doing this for a long time, 350 episodes over four years. It started on my iPhone. Now here we are with the Rycast Studio, the Rycast Network, 20 of the greatest shows ever. And this show is one of the things that make that happen. And I have these great staff and these comics that come in every week.
Starting point is 01:57:23 And it'd be great to start giving start giving these you know guys some little cash whatever but so we started the premium channel so that means you joined for 199 a month and you're a member of the premium stuff and we're going to put premium shows behind the paywall which right now we have the what show is it? Oh the live. Live podcast from the podcast is up there now. Video and audio. So if you're a premier member, you can go watch it and listen. One of the greatest episodes this year.
Starting point is 01:57:51 We talked about the chamber boys and that Abbey fucking what's her name, whatever. Fuck it. You know her? No, no, I was trying to, she's nowhere. I'm talking all that shit. Right, whatever. It's terrible.
Starting point is 01:58:04 We talked about that. We had a lot of fun. I got trash a lot calling Quinn was on it It's behind the paywall. So go there Become a member. How do you do that? Get the app. It's free. iTunes and iOS You go download the robber Kelly. You know what dude app? It's an amazing app Even if you're not going to become a premium member, listen to the show through this awesome app for nothing. Go there, get the app, for your phone, listen to the show, rob a killer live, you know what dude from there.
Starting point is 01:58:34 And then if you want to become a premium member, hit the button, join, it's simple, it's easy, it comes right out every month. And you guys who already did, we love you so much for doing that, we appreciate it, all the support. And what else do we got? You guys want to mail something to the studio? All this stuff behind us is from you guys. You want something on the show? Your business, blah, blah, blah. Send it to the address right here, Scopo. What do you got? 117 McDougal Street, New York, New York, 1-0-012. Okay, and you want to be a member of the live studio audience we have people come up here all the time. So the couches be part of the show. If you're a fan in the city you want to do that. How do you
Starting point is 01:59:11 do that? Email ykwd producer at rightcast.com. And if you want to see Lawrence tits. Oh good one. You won't see them. Request them. If you want to send dick pics, send them to me. Send them to me. Al Mourin-Couvera on Twitter. Send them right over. Can somebody, we have one girl sent almost a titty pic. It was a wet picture. Yeah, and send better titty pics, please. Send better titty pics, man, with the YKWP. Come on. Come on, I've got to have some girl listeners. I know those girl listeners. Send some titty picks man with the y key that we come on. Fuck man.
Starting point is 01:59:45 Some juice. I got to have some girl listeners. I know this girl listeners. Says some titty picks. You don't got to put your face in it. You don't got to put your face in it. No face. No face.
Starting point is 01:59:55 Please. No face. No talking either. There's Marco from the Jersey jerks. Marco were alive. Would you know will live? No, I don't. I've been working all day. No one was working nine to five. Marko or alive would you know will live Yeah, I will get a fucking better podcast you won't have to work
Starting point is 02:00:18 I am kidding. I love the jerks. They're awesome. What's up? We're on live. We're in the show right now What do you got is it good or does it fucking stink? good or does it fucking stink? it fucking stinks, you know what? I got to work. Fuck that hot cat, that wasn't your balls and fuck Kevin Brandon, that's all I I do. Well, fucking getting lined. He's like, he's like, getting lined behind Lenny Marcus Liz, everybody on his show. Starts at the cellar in his little brothers.
Starting point is 02:00:54 Starts with his family. Yeah, that's what it all is. And ends with his wife. Isn't it? All right, well, good for you. All right, well, there you go, buddy. Good, well said. I you. There you go, buddy. Well said. I'll talk to you later.
Starting point is 02:01:07 Alright, listen to the Jersey Jerks, everybody, on the Riotcast Network. One of the fucking unsung heroes on this network. Those guys have been at it from the beginning when it was glory hole, and they're still putting in the show every week, and it's fucking funny, interesting, balls out. They don't give a fuck not comedians very funny guys from Jersey and Philly so check them out on the on the network the Jersey jerks what do you got deep who Twitter Instagram are too deep and I also just bought a book about how to write jokes so you can look forward to that
Starting point is 02:01:39 media yeah Can you read it to scope up? We can both use it. I already got what was that bedtime stories me and you we can cuddle up. Wow, apparently. I didn't start. I just got we know. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:02:01 What's the problem? Who wrote it? Yeah, I just got we know Who wrote it? Is it the comedy Bible? No, it's the serious guy to joke writing so that's not a good sign right Is it a chicken soup of the soul? That's what you want the serious Why don't you get joke writing for dumb, dumb, dumbies. Jesus, man, what are you doing? Just be funny. I needed help, but I don't like asking people for help.
Starting point is 02:02:31 Listen, you don't need help. You gotta say it on the air, you're the man. Yeah, you gotta do a roast battle now. Buddy, listen. I'm gonna say something to you. Here's how you get funny. Here's how you get funny. You ready? Get the fuck on stage
Starting point is 02:02:47 That's it. I mean if you don't have it I'm not saying that I'm gonna say you don't have it. I'm just saying I don't know I just get on stage At least he bought it. He didn't go to the library Now that would be funny. He's got a return of 20 days This is Chris gop on notes on the side of the book? Buddy All right, we do me a favor. Can you read some of the will you make read it this weekend and next week Can we go make read some of the notes that you thought stuck out? Oh sure. Yeah, all right next week
Starting point is 02:03:21 We're gonna we're gonna do how to be funny. What does it joke what does it call? The serious guide to joke right? Oh this is got me right. Who wrote it? It's by some British. I'm gonna be really I'm gonna be really crass from that one. Oh God, you witty cunt. All your jokes are about T and shit. Oh, scopo, what do you got? Give me a Chris Gopo on all social media platforms. And then you have dates here, January, June 18th, House of Independence. Hang on, fucking, I gotta go to Lauren first.
Starting point is 02:04:01 We gotta learn, I do last, I go last. That's true, isn't that true? You're the closer. Yeah, I know, I don't know why every week we do the same thing, but tonight, you just wanna, you, you gotta learn. I do last. I go last. Isn't that true? Yeah, I know. I don't know why every week we do the same thing, but tonight you just want to. You, you're not. I was in the zone of going.
Starting point is 02:04:10 You're in the town. This is Kathy, friend of my cat. Oh, the, the face painter. No, Kathy, you live on the YKWD right now. Do you have anything? We're literally ending the show. You got anything interesting or funny? I do kind of.
Starting point is 02:04:24 I wanted to, I thought I would tell you something that was really make you laugh but I don't think I could say it probably you told me I should never say it publicly yeah then don't say it what the fuck you just did kind of I'm gonna hang up on you now before you ruin my marriage Oh, what the fuck? Oh! K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P-K-P- What are you up for? Get ready to squeegee the vestibule. You've got to butter up the walls. What do you got? This is Outlaw and Coovera on Twitter, Facebook, and your dates. Okay, yeah. So here, wow.
Starting point is 02:05:18 What do you got, Scooby? I'm going to just go. June 18th, you're at the House of Independence in Asbury Park, New Jersey. At the House of Kathy, apparently. Yeah. I settled down there, little boy. Yeah, this is a big gig, actually. Read it again, what is it?
Starting point is 02:05:39 June 18th House of Independence, asbury park, New Jersey. Yeah, it's a great venue. It's, I'm very excited about this gig. So New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, all you sure people in the summer, make sure you spread the word by your tickets and get down there. It's going to be one night only. It's going to be a fucking blast in Asbury Park,
Starting point is 02:06:00 which I love. I love it. I love it. So let's make sure we get this one sold the fuck out shall we? So help me out with that. Retweet get your friends ago. Bring people you haven't seen in years. Let's do this. What else you gonna do? Fucking sit by your dumb poll. Nah.
Starting point is 02:06:21 Maybe. She had a cord in the back of me that said shut the fuck up Bobby. Shut the fuck up Bobby. What else do I got here? Ju 24th, 24th, you're at the brokerage and 25th, you're at McGuire's in Bohemia, New York. I think that's, is that the way it is? Yeah, okay. And you're there with me, right?
Starting point is 02:06:41 Yeah, I'm there. And Shuley's gonna be there. Oh, cool. Shuley's from the stretch show. Yes. Love Shuley, man. Love Shuley. He's gonna be there. So that's good. It's gonna be a good weekend. What else do you got? What else do we got? Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there.
Starting point is 02:06:39 Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. Yeah, I'm gonna be there. And Shule is gonna be there. Oh cool. Shule's from the start show. Yes. Shout out to Shule man. Love Shule.
Starting point is 02:06:47 He's gonna be there. So that's good. It's gonna be a good weekend. What else we got? And then you're from the first to the eighth year to be in Aruba at the Marriott Stellaros Resort. Yeah. Well yeah, that's my vacation.
Starting point is 02:06:58 I gotta work every night. But you know, she'll fucking, motherfucker. Fuck. Have you done it yet? Yes. Okay, it's fun. It's amazing.
Starting point is 02:07:05 And then, it's a great time. July 21st, to the 23rd, you're in Philly, the new punchline. Yeah, which is the same punchline as San Francisco, just not as far. Yeah, I'm not as far. I'm there, I'm there too, but I don't know. Yeah, not really.
Starting point is 02:07:21 We haven't even closed that deal yet. No, well, what I'm talking about. You're there. June 29th, and that's the Texas go. Yeah, I mean, I'm in Phil, a fucking Delphia. The fucking city where the bell is. Yeah, the brand new club, they'll be working at the King's Park Week. That fucking bell.
Starting point is 02:07:36 When it's all happened, right? With the laughter. That bell was. The ball dates. I don't know, Piss. I gotta be second. I can't do this. My ball dates are dropping.
Starting point is 02:07:44 Yeah. And make sure, actually this weekend, I'm in Austin at the ATX television festival. And if, you know, you'll find out what that is, very fun festival for television. Maybe next year we'll be there together. And, you know, we can do a podcast from there. That'd be great. A special YKWD slash. Comedy outliers. Well, comedy outlier.
Starting point is 02:08:08 OK. Make that singular. What? What? It's just be bread that'll be there. He's going to be in the suitcase. He's going to be in the suitcase. I'll be the agent fucking take his gun.
Starting point is 02:08:20 You know that by myself. He's in a backpack that Mike's wearing. Yeah. He's your. We're wrapping it up. We got another live show coming on at 9. Take his back back that might swear We got to we get another live show coming on at nine o'clock you guys in the chat room You can come back at nine o'clock tell your friends. We got a great show later. Who's on the show later? Oh We have Michelle Wolf show Dan Soder Mateo Lane, and Dante Nero. Get your bitch together.
Starting point is 02:08:54 We're on strike right now. They're trying to focus here. Do you still do the consultation? I bought my Jeep tires with. He's got a big Jeep. Yeah. That's why I got new cool consultations. I got I got a tire from the bag and then I got my face on the side and I got lights with the 19 year old face. Hey, you see my I don't know if this is breaking new to not but did you see my new dragon ring? Speaking of Lord black man Kimbo sliced that whoa Yeah, we had to bring that up at the end of the show just found out
Starting point is 02:09:35 Someone just take me to You are the dumbest that's how it's up in fucking one He's fucking home a wicks of a one There's 12 very late All right, you guys the best fans of the world. I fucking hate him Thanks, let's I fucking hey running the show guys Right
Starting point is 02:10:00 Break Give me that right over your fucking head Pritz died as well David Bowie just in guys Hey Kennedy got shot Lincoln too So you don't jump in on it. Fuck you Take it. I just gonna take the post. I was like, oh, this is breaking news.
Starting point is 02:10:25 All right, cool. It's not breaking news. That's broken news. You know what, Martin didn't know how about that. Why would you bring it up at the end of the, I'm literally wrapping up. The thought of it was just happens. We can talk about it for another minute.
Starting point is 02:10:36 You know how bad it is. You're gonna be when this comes out if they're not watching it. I wish your name was Kimbo. I wish that was the breaking news. You guys are the best fans of World Thanks Listen. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.
Starting point is 02:10:57 Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcats.com, por todo el podcast en Internet. Y todos los frees y todos los frees. ¡Jodid! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad.
Starting point is 02:11:38 Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. كنت قم

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.