Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - The Blue Lady

Episode Date: September 30, 2019

Guest host Paul Virzi comes in with Mike Cannon and Robbie Slowick to talk hallucinogens alien encounters and cutting carbs!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude, on the riotcast network, riotcast.com. Hey, what's happening, dude? You know what, dude? This episode is brought to you by Man's Escape. Man's Escape is number one in men's below belt grooming, offering precision engineered tools for your family jewels. Right now you can get 20% off and free shipping with the code dude at manscape.com. That's manscape.com, 20% off free shipping code word dude. Manscape.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast, it's no rules.

I'm talking to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic? Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's

10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds the stars you love apart. I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com. All right, let's go guys. You ready for this? You're good. All right, here we go.

This is Paul Verzi. That's right. Paul Verzi sitting in, guess hosting for my good friend Bobby Kelly on the YKWD. You know what, dude? Podcast. And I'm not not gonna lie, dude. I feel like a king was overthrown and now I'm at the house. I feel like, you know what I mean? Like this is some game of thrones, like he's out

and now it's like, how would I run the kingdom? Yeah, you're the inside Russian doll that busted out of the building. Yeah, like, no, I'm the one like by episode six, you're like, I think he's gonna get it. He's like, you know, like he's coming, but you don't know. And then you're like, or he might get killed right before. And then here I am. But they said to me, what do you want to, you know, who do you want to have?

Bobby was like, Paul, you got you have free reign of the show. I was like, great. And I said, uh, Yannis Poppiss. No, I'm just kidding. No, Yannis was actually supposed to be here, but I wanted, um, but he blew a light and died. Somebody hit him. He's still on stage. He's still in New York. Uh, and I said, get my buddy Robbie Slowick, who has been on the show before, but not enough people know and need to. Robbie Slowick is here. Very funny. Robbie Slowick and a guy that I've liked for a very, very long time and I'm watching him grow.

My cannon is here. Actually, I ran into you tonight and I was like, I'm doing this. I know. Just so happens the last two weeks, I've been around and wildly available. Yeah. I love how you ask somebody, hey, do you want to come on a popular podcast and plug dates in there? Like, yeah, I think you know what I'm going to do that.

Yeah. Yeah, probably. Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah, I think you know what I'm going to do that. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably my spot up too. And then of course we have. Hey, Mike and Mike and Gabby are all here. Mike Mike, Mike Gabby. Gabby. What's up? Hey, Gabby just no matter what Gabby runs a smooth show. Zach is a shizz, you know, Zach's running everything and here we are.

Here we are on a Tuesday night in September. I'm excited because I'm going to talk Robbie into smoking a cigar. Mike's got a baby, so I might be a hard sell. Yeah, I can't smell like I'm going to leave him already. Come on, I know he's like two days old, but it's a little whiskey and stench of cigars in your house with a newborn. Congratulations, by the way. Thank you, buddy. It's not, right? It's wild. How's it treating you? It's great. It's the best thing. It's the most difficult thing. I've wanted to hammer throw them through a wall like four times. Wow. Yeah, but, you know, otherwise it's been delightful. What's a hammer throw? It's by the feet. And then you swing a few times and you let go.

Sure. And if I just create some sort of slick on the wall. Sure. She already, huh? What is it just just sleep deprivation? Is that what I had? It's mostly based on my own inability to be a, you know, a efficient father. It's watching a kid cry in your face and you have nothing to offer him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So yeah, you're starting to worry about your worth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're like, do I deserve this? And this is something I don't think I should be doing. No, I wanted to get one of those tits. Like I genuinely, it just, I just watched how my wife was able to suit him and her ability to like just toss her tits in his mouth. And he was like, everything was right in the world. Yeah. The bottle, he just knows it's a

phony. So maybe if I brought him up in the same direction, he'd be into it. It's weird how they know, like I remember like instantly from birth, from birth, my son just went right to the, they just go right to the boat. Like they just know and it's like, oh, this is normal. And then they're like, I'm leaving. Here's for you. And you're just, yeah, okay, cool.

I'll do seven hours alone. And I do. It's a weird, did your kid aggressively eat? No, no, it was, it was, it was, it was the, it's the every two hour thing now, right? And then, you're still on that? I mean, my kids 14 pounds at two months now, so we're starting to sleep training them next week. Oh my God.

So he's, yeah, he's that, if he's that big, and you, he was born, what? He's born 8-11. Yeah, that's, that's a little bigger. So he's probably, yeah, my son, my son ate well, but not like, you know, he just, it was just the every two. It was more the schedule. The way he eats makes me think he's gonna have trouble

with consent in the future. Like, he's super aggressive, the noise, like the noises are like, easy up. Oh, there's going to be things I could tell you to. There's going to be times where you hear him and you're up and it's your turn, but you just stay, you pretend your sleep is still. I used to do that. I used to lay down and I'd be like, dude, I wonder if, I wonder if she's just going to give up. Like, she would tap me once and I'd be like, I'm going to fake it for like two more taps. I would literally have the taps in mind. And I'd be like, if she gets it a third tap, I'm going to fuck.

Like she's a school shooter. Yeah. She's just nudging your butt. Three taps. Three taps. I'm going. Oh shit. No, but we were talking before.

We were talking right before the show and somebody said, Dante Nero's outside said, oh, you look good. You look like you lost some weight. You look and you said the jawline saying, and it's crazy, it's fucking, it's discipline, Gabby. What's going on? It's discipline. It's basically, what do I do that I shouldn't do? For me, sweet dude, I'm like a fucking 13 year old. I like gummy bears. I like starbursts. I like sour patch kids. I like, I like that shit. And my kids are 10 and 7.

So to the math. So I walk into my fucking kitchen and there's, you know, that shit there. And but I just was like, no, no eating fish, drinking water probably cut 80, 85% of sugar out, cut 90% of carbs out. And I'm just toughening it out. When I get hungry, I'm slugging back water. I'm a little angry. You know what I mean?

You're editing through the roof. Yeah, what? Your energy is through the roof. Yeah, I feel good. Yeah, I feel good. I'm rescued. You're good, dude. It's going to be all worth it when you film something and you see the shadow under your

cheekbones. Yeah, you're going to be like, fuck yeah. That's the thing. That's the thing. When you have shit like in comedy going on that you're going. Yeah, you're gonna be like, fuck yeah. That's the thing. That's the thing. When you have shit like in comedy going on that you're gonna tape or you're gonna do something, you're just like, I was super nervous

when I did a scene in a movie and I'm like, that is a great account accomplishment in my career and I don't want it to be ruined by a fucking fat neck. Because, no, because that happens, like that, even like if you like somebody's like, hey, send me a clip, I need a good clip. And you send a clip and you're just looking at yourself and you're like, you know, I don't care if the joke's good and I don't care if the laugh is good.

Look at me. And they're going to be looking, listen, they're going to be looking at that. Yeah. This is at the end of the day, we don't realize it because people look at it as this is the lowest level of show business, right? But we're in show business. And for somebody to look a booker or somebody to look and go, I want this person for that. If they're like, this tank of shit, I already

have this. I already have the fat person. And he's like in between fat. And now plus everything TV wise is mostly influencer base. So it's not even really comedy. You can't even hide behind the funny fat. You're just now fat in a nice outfit. Right. Yeah. We got a good filter on that. Yeah, you're like, he's doing good fat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like it's a new shirt.

And then like the sneakers are gleaming white, but you're like, I know what's under that fucking shirt. I know that you're, yeah. But no, I'm trying to do it. And they say, I don't know if the shit is true, but they say that something can be broken after doing it. A habit can be formed or broken after doing it 13 times. No, shit.

That's what they say. So I'm just trying to plow through like last until last night. It's been 11 days. It's been 12 and a half days and I'm not going to make it. No, last last night we went to dinner, right? And I was, you know, I was like in a good mood so I was eating sushi. Sushi puts me in. You could ask you like, Yannis and then Bobby and them, no, Sushi is my,

it's like that, you know when you're about to get a, like, you know when you're about to get a blow job, right? Like, no. I remember. You're looking up, squinted at eyes, like, yeah, I remember that. No, like when you, when it's going to about to happen and you know, you just like, you're like, oh my God, dude, this is, this, that's how, how that it's, it's just under that when I see my sushi coming out of the. Yeah, yeah, that's, it's actually, it's a, it's a funny way to describe it because it's like almost the closest to female you are. You're like, you're like, yeah, like, when they, yeah, like when they throw the hair back and you know, it's coming. When you know, it's like, when I see the platter of all the fish and I just know it's coming dude and like I over ordered so like I know

like sir pull your pants You keep off the water. Sir it's me so soon. Relax. Can I make this a little louder? Can I make myself louder? Is it what is this one here? All right.

Yeah, I mean you gotta come yeah there we go. You gotta cut me a little fucking. I mean I'm not used to all this shit. You're All right. Yeah, I mean, you got to keep me. Yeah, there we go. You got to cut me a little fucking. I mean, I'm not used to all this shit. You're going to be. Yeah. Going to be. That's right.

Yeah, so I feel good, man. And the sushi, the fish and everything, that's the best. So we're eating and I just looked at how come my wife and kids and I go, you know what? I mean, we're going to get a little, the frowey or something. And my wife is like looking at me. And she gave me the look like, is this going to, is he, because I've done this a lot. I've gotten to this level a lot.

I'm at the point now where if I can continue another two weeks, I'm going to get, it's going to be like, it's going to be really noticeable for the better. But I'm also at that point where I can look in the mirror and go, I did it. Right. You know, you have like two salads or whatever and you're like, I fucking did it. I'm not fat anymore. And then you just go right back and then two days later. So where's your wife at then? Is she excited for the possibility of super fit Paul or is she seeing this? I have a theory, Mike. And that's a great question. That's a very great

question. I have a, that's why I like this one. It's almost like you host a podcast. I never asked me any of that. I think she doesn't want me to in a weird way. Yeah, okay. And because there's just times where I feel like she's tested, she's left like a pizza box open with two slices. And that's like a bear trap for me. That's just like I'll walk past a kitchen and see too.

First of all, how hard is it to resist a slice? How can we keep looking at that direction when you say questions like that? Cause I know your answer. You're talking about. You want my garbage. You don't eat pizza together. No, I don't eat cheese. What?

The carbs really. You're the color of cheese. Yeah. I don't eat anymore. I'm nervous to eat more. Are you vegan? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So see, you guys are vegan of cheese. Yeah. I don't eat anymore. You're never thirsty. Are you vegan? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So see, you guys are vegan, huh? Yeah. I'm doing no sugar, no carbs right now. Yeah. I have been for like three weeks. It's a nightmare. But Casey doesn't like it when I do it because it affects her eating as well. Like when we go out, what else?

That's the thing. In a relationship, it could cause a cause. Because Stacy will be like, what do you want to eat? And I'll be like light tonight. And she lost weight. She looks good. She's like down to where she kind of wants to be. But I'll be like, no, I got to eat? And I'll be like, light tonight. And she lost weight, she looks good, she's like, down to where she kind of wants to be. But I'll be like, no, I got to go light.

And she's just like, that doesn't help me. And it's, it almost looks like you're being selfish now because of your shit. Yeah, yeah. But like, I'm in the mood for something the kids need to eat. And you're just sitting there thinking about, you know, yeah, it's, it could be tough. I was one of the biggest pieces of shit in my entire pregnancy ever because my wife, obviously, you gain weight as your pregnant. And I dropped 30 pounds.

So I'm not drinking the entire time and every picture I took of her, I'd make sure a mirror was behind her and I was flexing a bit of time. I'm just walking past mirrors just constantly. It was absolutely. Yeah, so you lost absolutely to say you look great, you lost a lot of weight, you slimed down. Just no boost. She, right. You do that all no boost, that's right. I don't know. No boost and it just motivated me to be a human being and getting the gym right.

You know, it maybe once more a week than I was in the past. But yeah, I mean, I'm Irish. My body fucking hangs onto alcohol. Like it's imperative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. Did she like, did she like it or not? I mean, she was like annoyed that she was gaining weight. And that's when I decided to get more attractive. You got a six pack. Yeah, because she's really attractive attractive and she has a great body and she's already snapped back.

It's fucking ridiculous. But like she has always been in shape and I've never really tried that much ever since like, you know, college days or anything like that. I had an aversion to athletics. Yeah, that's crazy, dude. Yeah. You lost it. You let you, but you don't remember you being a piece of shit boozer like that.

Your house I was. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I was trying to. I forgot about that. I forgot about that. We were actually, we were actually, we're not only where we all drunk, then we went down

under the patio and started smoking. And then I'm expecting to remember. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But no, but you weren't like, I never saw you like slurring at the bar of a comedy club. It's happened. I mean, remember one time you were there, dude, I took, I took like, remember that one time you were like, dude, I took an extra, you were like, I took, you took something dangerous

like. Oh, yeah. And you were like, and I was like, are you going to be and you're like, I'm kind of like weathering it, but you said you were like out of your mind. It was a tough time because I took what I thought was a 10 milligram whatever and it turned out to be a hundred and I also thought it was CBD. So I went into it thinking I was calming myself down, did a full podcast, walked to like the corner of the street with Fini and I looked at them and I was like, why am I high?

And then I walked all the way from the low, from alphabet city up to grammar seed thinking that it would kind of cool me down. And it was just, that was take off. Like it wasn't, yeah, as I was talking to you, I was like, I'm still on the way up. I don't know when it's gonna plateau. But that's, you're always good, because this is happening a few times,

and you're always good about like communicating what's going on in such a level headed way. But you're like, look, we're talking, I'm actually hallucinating. They're melting down. It's code red. And you keep your cool stuff. But that's because you do that shit, because I'm not even joking, I'm not hallucinating. They're melting down. They're melting down. It's code rap. And you keep your cool stuff. But that's because you do that shit because I'm not even joking.

I'm not even trying to be funny. I had a nervous breakdown if that was me. I would have probably not I would have absolutely walked off stage or it's set to the person get another comedian. I can't do this now. Yeah. Because I had, I don't know if I told you guys this story. I don't know if I might have told you the story, but long time, like two years ago, he was

my future brother and he's my brother-in-law now. But it was like Chris was even, he just goes, hey dude, he goes, he gave me his white macadamian chocolate, he goes, this is the most that they make. This is the most potent shit. No, it's where to go. He goes, they make. I know you don't do drugs. This is the most.

Yeah. So he goes, so like, and like he's like this Italian kid, who's just like, what do you weigh? What do you, all right, do this. Right, and he just tells me what I should do by like sizing me up and going, you what do you, okay, do this, right? That's such a bad start to drug. Someone asking you what you weigh. So no, but so this is on, so this is on, yeah.

Yeah, I rather not say. You're out how it's going to seep into your blood. Yeah, you know, not as a doctor. Yeah, should have told you, 500 pounds based on what you fucking gave me. So it was Christmas Eve at the time. New years, I keep it. I just have it at home in a cabinet. New years, I perform up in Albany in the egg, that fucking egg.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, it's spaceship thing, right? Yeah. And I come home and I'm like, I tell Stacy, be home. I'm going to be up for the ball drop. And I want to, so I get there. And like, they're sipping wine with the lights closed, clearly like it's over. And they're going to wait for the ball to drop and then tell me good night.

And that's what they do with suck. I'm flying home from Albany. Cause I just want to be with my family and watch this fucking ball drop. And I pull in and I'm like, oh, it's funny. The lights aren't hot. Kids are hurry out, whatever. And they just sip wine, oh, congratulations. Happy new year and they kiss me and then they go to bed.

And I'm sitting there. And I was like, let me check this chocolate out. You know, dude, this is how I brought 2018 and this is not even food. I'm just a hospital. I bite the fucking, he told me to go one square of the, it was little squit, you know. Talking Mike's like, yes.

Yeah. Mike's like, yes, Mike's like a doctor. I already know what's printed. He knows the rapper. He's like where the G was, though, didn't you? So, so I take a bite of this white macadamie, it's fucking delicious. Right. And I'm just sitting there. You know the deal, man. 30 minutes, 30, 35 minutes, nothing. So I take, I take a bigger bite. And it's like, and it's good white macadamia choice, good. And it's like three o'clock in the morning and nothing. I take a little more and I just go, I'm gonna go to bed, dude.

I'm not even kidding. I'm not even trying to be fun. This actually fucking happened. I go to my son's bedroom and I sleep in his bedroom. Okay, I wake up five hours later in a full-fledged hallucin- I was hallucinating, right? And I woke up and he's got um, he's got Darth Vader on the wall and he's got all these bobbleheads and shit, right? So I just kind of woke up and I just couldn't process a thought and I thought maybe like I had a hemorrhage in my brain, like I was like I'm having a stroke, like I thought

I'm having a stroke because I can't- I couldn't process a thought. So my guard just- I love that you weren't able to process a thought but you were able to diagnose it Oh my god stroke I'm like something is something is seriously wrong here something's bad So I cost I think I got a piss so I go I'm gonna take a piss and talk to Stacy and then I sat up and I didn't remember what I was I didn't remember the piss or stays and then I just sat there and I go something and I go, hey, babe, babe. And she comes in and I go, I go something's wrong. Something's wrong.

You got to take me to hospital and she was like, what? And she's like, did you eat that shit last night? I was like, yeah, but this is hours later and she goes, you got to ride it out. You got to ride it. She's cool. Yes. And Mike and Lucas has a fish tank and he's got this goldfish that he got at a fair. But it's six years later and it's on its fourth tank. So it's like this big. So I'm looking at

this shark goal fish and I'm fucking out of my mind and the water from the filter, Mike, you get a kick out of this. The water from the filter going in from like the top. So like what you hear it almost like a little drill was two older men conspiring, conspiring outside the door. Don't like it, should we tell him that he's gotta go to the hospital? And that's what the water became, dude. That's what the fucking works. And I'm going and Stacy goes, Paul, you gotta, my eyes,

she said my eyes were, my eyes were bloodshot red, like those fucking pillows over there. Bloodshot red and she goes, you're in a bed way, you just need to stay down nine hours. I just, in a fetal position position stayed in my son's bed. And that's when I actually saw you and told you about it and you liked it. And I go, fuck him in his hallucination. And I was like, people that like edibles, fuck them because I felt like I needed to go

to an assanis. I was fucking dude. It freaked me out, man. Oh, I've, I've almost taken myself off an airplane before because I was coming back from California. And this is like before widespread legalization. So it was only medical in LA. Right. And, you know, nobody over here knew any of the milligrams or anything what it meant. But I had some, some viewer of like I did weed news, a stupid web series a long time ago. And people would watch it and they were super pumped about it. And one guy offered to bring

me an edible where I was at. So I took it and I was like, all right, cool. It's a cookie. I assumed the dosage is one cookie because because that's what it is. And I ate the cookie and I was taking the flight back with an entire production crew because I filmed it commercial out there. I the first that we missed the flight and it was not due to me, but I automatically blamed myself. I was eating in the fucking in the entire airport. Food was like falling out of my mouth. Like I was a T-Rex. It was like just you were just a fucking mess out of my mind.

And I remember having to talk to myself and just being like, dude, like make it through the line, make it through the jaw. It just like strapped yourself into the seat. As I entered the plane, the entire plane started swell. Wow. Like, like, I haven't had that hallucinations since I was on like mushrooms or something like that. Like, I've never had that on weed. Yeah.

And it was just pulsating. And I was like, just walk straight. This is what it is. I'm like, just, so that's my thing. And I don't want to lose the pot smokers or the weed people who listen to this podcast. But how is that fun? Because I found myself.

I found I was like, you're the way of hiking up Everest. Yeah. That is almost exactly what that is. That is a perfect thing. It's testing myself. I'm putting myself in the most difficult position. I'm in an air pipe eating a cookie. Yeah. I know. Flying was a fear that I had to overcome. And that would really fuck it. So if I was in that shape, then I would have been like, Oh, wait a minute. Now I'm about to be 37,000 feet in the air with strangers for hours. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I would have just been like, Yeah, it's something where I just would have just got to close your eyes and fucking. Oh, we were stalled on the tarmac for like 50 minutes too. So I kept thinking we were backing

out of the jet way. And like the three dudes next week, I thought I was cruising them because I just kept looking out there. And then the PA of the shoot was like the three dudes next to me definitely thought I was cruising them because I just kept looking out there and then the PA of the shoot was like the empty seat then her and she's like, can I get you something on them? No, no! Not knowing how to fucking do anything. Closing my eyes, galactic, weird,

hallucinations and stuff like that. And then they closed the door, obviously, but I had the, in my head, I was like, okay, I either need to get off the plane right now or figure this out. Like, I strap myself in, do something. And I reminded myself, I was like, I think it's like a $25,000 fine

to have them reopen the door once it's closed, right? Like, is that what it is? Is it really? Yeah, I think it's something like wildly crazy like that. I think I'm just getting that from the movie. I don't know, she's out of his league. It's like the only actual information I got about facts from. And I was like, Oh, okay, I could either do that and not be able to pay it ever or I can just like wait for the whiskey card to come by and like put on a movie to soothe me. And that's exactly

what I did. I just got hammered on the plane on top of college debt You're fucking 50 in the hole yet two times I freaked out on air You see that movie she's out of my Need to watch As fun Rob you're not a wee smoker. I am but I haven't for about I'm like, you know, only in bed at night. I can't smoke out with people. See, like if I'm with my brother and we're watching a comedy and I take a couple of hits off of some good shit, I was in Vegas for a bachelor party and me and big J went to a dispensary hotel. And dude, it was like, it literally was

an Apple store, it was like an Apple store, but for weed. And like, I mean, I'm talking about like, I have pictures like displays of the pens, like it, like you're getting an iPhone, then they have these, then they have these things where there's a big bud under this plastic little hood that you could obviously see through. And then you twist, and it's got like a gate, so you could actually smell it. So you just go out, you twist, and the fucking weed smelled insane. They had all this, and I was just like, this was a full fledged, like fucking people calling your number, packing, like they were packing it up, like it was Christmas gifts. And like, Jay, they always give deals, they give extra shit.

Yeah, and they're like, oh, if you want to take this and then they have, and then they have the big display of the gummies and the candy. And I'm just like, holy shit, I relax, my gosh. But that's where it, that's also like, it helps facilitate what we didn't, what we went through, like it goes against that because then you know exactly what you're taking. You know, well, I said to the lady, I said to the lady, like, I was even scared being in there because I didn't want to, she was like, oh, if you get this and I go, man, what will just give my body, like basically like a Xanax?

Yeah. And yeah, it's like shit like that. But even like the one in Vegas, Zach, if you could pull the one in Vegas up, it's like a planet or so. I forget what it's called, but it's like a giant, it's the big hub one on the strip. The one in Vegas is fucking it. I went to the one near what's it called, Rio. So there was another one out by Rio, which is kind of like even a smaller, almost boutique Apple store. But yeah, I mean, all

of that stuff, when you can get it legally, it's, there's nothing better. No, it's not that place. Casey and I were just an Amsterdam, like I probably six months ago now, and that's still got like that crazy, like culture of coffee shops where you can get pop. But it's like, it's very old school. It's not like, they don't have all the like that crazy like culture of coffee shops where you can get pop. But it's like it's very old school. It's not like they don't have all the tech that not like someone yeas like you. You just walk up. They have like a few stupid names, California, King Kong, Kusher, whatever.

And you get it. But it's a good, I mean, you get high there and then go to a live sex show and it's a good time. Here's what I discovered about live sex shows. Jesus Christ. That was a fucking purple jump. We went to it was like, yeah, you do that. Then you watch strangers fuck.

That's the ears of the thing. That's what we did. Okay, but you go. And then these couples will come in. This very choreographed, they'll fuck. But they pull out like a little mattress on a stage. He'll go. They go, they leave and they run somewhere else and you realize, oh, fuck, these people

are comics. They're spots. There's a lot of them. Oh, and they run from spot to spot. They get paid per set. They do the same routine. Did the guy come? No, they don't have to date. They fuck for like 10 minutes. It's very like kind of stage. 10 minutes. Seven minutes. I mean, I mean, three times.

What do they do? Multiple positions? Yes. It's fully like, there's like three songs, you know, and they're they got a manager Oh, different divers We got you we got you we got you we There's we We're like dude you went long like we got fucking the other Like listen, I got you in Vancouver That's exactly what it's like the ten of these clubs they jump from club to club you can tell there But how many people are what how many people watch you know that like circulates to really like 25 to 30 at a time.

Maybe it's like a bar. It's a bar people are drinking. Bar show. And then in between it though, then there's funny acts. You know, there's like a girl who put a marker in her pussy, she'll bring a guy up on stage and then like right on him with her body on his chest. I know. You went there with your mirror.

Yeah. Yeah. Casey and I were there. We had to get to feminist literature. Yeah. Wait, do case you know where they're we had to get feminist literature Wait, do people jerk off watching it? No, it's like I mean it's like being it's like being a strip club But it's even a little more like artsy than that, you know, but there was definitely some like 19 year old like bachelor party type kids But young 19 so like when this one guy eats this girls ass. They're all losing their minds Then all the older people in their 30s, like, no, that's actually, that's what they

do. That's their edgey bit. Oh, dude, that's fucking, yes, dude, I have no desire to do that. Nor would my wife ever, like, I couldn't even imagine looking at Stacey and be like, hey, you want to, well, you got to do it once. Clarkson, I went to a cock fight in Bali. That was pretty sick. I don't even know what that is.

It's just too, too, too, too, too dudes with their hearts. No, but it was like two roosters with fucking knives strung to their feet because that's the humane way. Otherwise, they're just bludgeoning each other. Oh, but that's different. I literally saw you. But that's a fucked up thing to watch with your wife on your honeymoon. That is.

But what? That's the only whites there. And she was the only woman. And everybody else was in catcher position, smoking cigarettes, betting against my bets because I was so terrible at picking the winning rooster. And you and you lost everything. I mean, I lost, you know, is 17 million rupees or whatever, which way to equated to 11 cents. So they know which rooster is gonna they just they bet because so I kept losing and then they knew I was terrible at picking and so they would wait till I play. What were they? What were nationality were they? Bolognaise. So they were just like right so they just looked like a sauce. Like, we ain't even bull in it. Yeah, I never did shit like that.

It's like, you know, we went to Harry Potter. Dude, this is... But then the wizards start fucking and it is crazy. Don't mind seeing what they're doing with their walls. We got fucked up on Butterbeer. Yeah, no, my wife, like, we went to, when I performed at the West Palm Beach improv, she was like, you know, it's two and a half hours. If you want to go to Universal, we did.

We went to the fucking Hogwarts Harry Potter world, the kids, the ones, the whole deal of Butterbeer, but she hits me up the other day and she goes, hey, you know, we got to take a set of Harry Potter. Do you know, it's like two days or it's two sessions, you know, right? No, I haven't been back. Yeah, so Harry Potter, the cursed child on Broadway is, it's two parts or two days. You choose. Sure.

Yeah, so you go hour and I'm not going to joke it. It's two hours and 40 minutes, intermission, two hours and 30 minutes, then two hour break, and then that again. What is it? Cosby Show? Dude, it was fucking, and I was like, you know me and her dated, we watch the movies. I like Harry Potter, but I was, it was weird, dude. Like it went from like, oh, this is gonna be great.

To then like, I saw adults like next to me, like, you know, like during intermission, I just started looking around, and there was like people with like, like, Kroffindor, like, like, scarfs, and like, slither and sweatshirts, and then there were people like, and this one girl had like a wizard hat and a wand

like online for like concessions. And I was like, all right, this is a little fucking weird. You're like, I'm like, I'm like a fucking grown man with two children. And I'm gonna be here all day. And then we like, we went to car mines in Times Square to eat.

And I was just like, I can't, I don't, this is gonna be tough. Yeah. And I felt back, but he, Broadway's never fuck, you know me and my wife went to Lion King, I went to a wicket, I went, it just never delivers for me. Like a coach. There's always like one actor, I'm like, that was awesome. Like the second act in the first session of Harry Potter was fucking awesome.

And then they just went down. I saw, man, I saw Fana. Yeah, I'm a huge theater fag. But I mean, that's serious or no? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I used to have to sing Showtoons for Yeah, like the other night. Why don't you you were like buzzing at the seller and you just started busting out a tune. Oh, maybe Yeah, like you were singing something from like

Newsy I'm a big Early Christian bail advocate You're a fucking Broadway kid. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, you staffed to sing, what's it say, that I saw with you, whoa, the Christ, yo, the great Jesus Christ.

Pontius Pilate song. Oh my God, I love how you went into that, like I would know, you go get, you know, you know what? You love it. Oh, so you could have like, ah, I didn't know that. No, I couldn't have done any, Bluntson puberty ruined any ability I had it singing, but like, right, but no early,

like I'd say, so my mother is a great name for an apple. Go ahead. That is sad. But yeah, I'd have to sing like romantic duets with my older sister and like, sell it. I know it's just that both of my sisters were musical prodigies and I was the dope that could sing lower. Like that was it. You're just could blow though. Both of them are what yes. I didn't like that. But yeah, both of them, I think my younger sister star playing piano at three, my older sister star playing at four or five, they both have perfect pitch. They both work in the vocal industry still. My older sister is a VO actress and my younger sister does a book narrative, like audio book narrative. Amazing. And they do music on side of it. They're both like incredibly

gifted people. And then I played basketball and talked about my dick in high school. That's a puzzle. But if you go, but you could appreciate like if you go to a Broadway play with your wife tomorrow, you'll like, and they start belting out tunes and cheer in. You're in on the way home, yeah. You're in. I was always like super against it, but Casey, my girlfriend, musical theater major. So she would drag me to Broadway stuff all the time. And she took me to Book of Mormon, which is amazing, but I'm resistant to go.

I'm not into it. She looks over me two minutes, two minutes into the play. There's literally tears in my eyes. I'm crying. She's like, what is wrong with you? And I was like, look at all these homos living there, dream. for me two minute, two minutes into the play. There's literally tears in my eyes. I'm crying. She's like, what is wrong with you? And I was like, look at all these homos living there dreaming. I was like, I was so happy for them.

I was like, they found a home. Yeah. How about you, Mike? You don't look like you're into laymizz, are you? I don't know laymizz from side fell. That's from the master. That's from John Bell. John fucking stealing the bread. You don't know? And they from, side belt. That's your belt. That's your belt. John Felt, John fucking stealing the bread, you don't know.

And they're ever cast a lot of cloud. That's huge. It's a pop. How about you, Gap, you're into it? Yeah, I went to theater school. Oh, yeah. And my parents write musicals and shit, where theater, where theater family?

Oh, you, yeah. What's your favorite one? I don't know if I have one. I saw Wicked. I thought, like, that was the one that I was like, all right, it's kind of clever. It's like a subplot and off thing from Wizard of Oz. That was all right, but like, it's visually you'll see, like that's the one thing though.

Harry Potter, remember you said the plane was doing that? Oh, yeah, yeah. They make the stage in the backdrop. Do that. That's crazy. And I didn't understand me and me and Stacey are just going, how did they, they literally made what you were watching, the entire stage of the backdrop.

They made it go in like this. Right. And it was, and I couldn't, we were like every time we were like, how the fuck, and there was a couple of really like visual effects that like blue people away. Yeah. But then it was just like, you know, so don't, that's one of the, I enjoy of it is the set design,

things like that. When I saw a fan of the opera, I just cared about the things with my cousin built it. Yeah. Yeah. With union jobs, like I get it, he's gay. He wears a mask. I don't care. Don't, don't fact check this, but wicked is universal owns wicked. And it's their most valuable property. They did all of the fast and furious movies. They made more money off of

wicked. Um, wicked has made like three billion dollars. What? Yeah. Yeah. There's so much money. Seven million dollars to make a musical. Does it really? Yep. Well, that's why they kept killing the kid that tried to play Spider-Man. Yeah. Three down. Literally swinging from the ceiling and they're like, we just don't have the tech for this.

Broke his legs again. We'll get the next guy. Yeah, a new kid. Dead a man. Yeah, I mean, it is a nice night in New York. Like you feel like you get New York City different than other shit. Right. Like you go to Broadway and you're like, you sit down in your seats, it is a nice night in New York. Like you feel like you get New York City different than other shit. Like you go to Broadway and you're like,

you sit down in your seats and it is a beautiful theater and it's a nice, but it's just some of them are just like. Bad. Yeah. Like some of them are bad and like, you're like, it's a lot of fucking money too. Like some of these tickets were like, like the Harry Potter visual effects were like probably the best I ever saw,

but I wasn't like, like, I wanna be blown the fuck away. Go see Book of Mormon, it's so fucking funny. You'll blow your mind how funny a musical can be. Really? Yeah. True. I like Book of Mormon. I just other ones where it's like King Kong doesn't make sense to me. I never looked at King Kong like this needs more singing. I never really cared about

that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like the whole like busting out into song over any of the best. But it's the best. That's how you gotta get some. And they always look up. Yeah, get best. That's how you gotta look up. Yeah, get it up. You know how they look up?

Maybe like your wife is dead. He goes. 100% right? Like, look up and then they go like this. That was good. It was right? Yeah, that's good.

You would love newsies because it's all look down and then look up through folded over here. Oh, yeah, like Sean Hunter hair. You know, I was going to I was like, yo, you know, let's be honest, you know, even though my mother's Greek, I'm Italian, I was like, a Bronx tit. Let's go see that. And then I saw like a commercial for it.

And they were just like this. And I'm like, that's not a product. It's gonna get the Bronx. I saw it with, with Chaz Kalman Terry. He wrote it. I saw it with Chaz with the helmet. He was good enough. It was weird to see him bust out into song.

It had a child actor, you know, and I hate child actors. Watching seven-year-olds just be like, look at me. I hate it. It's also like you're being a you. You are. You're totally being a you. You're not set to be this adult yet. Right.

Like something's happening in your life where you're shutting out your childhood to deliver a line like I would. Yeah. 34. Speaking of that, let's get into this. This is a little, this is going to be definitely a fucking turn, but you just brought something up again. Canon with the transitions is, I feel like you guys saw this Greta girl, right? You saw this Greta girl, the climate change girl. When you watch it, do you get, and I'm genuinely asking because when I first watch it, I was like, this chick is either the deepest, but it seemed a little scripted, it seemed like a monologue, right? She's autistic.

Well, she has what does she say? Asperger's or whatever. Yeah. I know, I know, I know. But I know, all right. But you could say that it's no excuse for lack of human care. When you go up to the U.N., you speak from the heart. If you don't make that come back to me, I don't want to hear you. Listen to me, the one he off the dome is going to be a trash.

If you're not articulate, get that freak out of here. It's because your gravy's a little watered down, doesn't mean. No, I- I- I- I- I- Look how many doesn't mean. No, I Alan had it. Look how many movies he made. No, but I felt as somebody's got to be in her corner for sure. Like there's gotta be, there's gotta be like, like she, you know, she was like placed.

When you watch the thing, she was placed in a bright pink thing with all these suits. And then it was literally like a horror movie when Trump walked in. She was just like, it was, it was a little cinema. It was, so I'm just asking, if you saw it, did you get that or did you think this is all just fucking coincidence? What do you think? Yeah, of course, but then I stopped watching a child. I like it in the middle. I, yeah,

I just, I just turned it off. I was like, yeah, I agree. I think I almost feel bad for, I almost feel bad for it because it's like, yeah, like things are fucked up and the fact that like she's in that situation. Yeah, you know, and she was like, how dare you? And I like made me feel like a piece of shit. I was like, did I fucking fuck my daughter or hamster yesterday? I did, but first I feel, I did.

In fairness, that quadruple deer carbon footprint. Yeah, you just made everything worse. I did, dude. I didn't watch it, but I just saw people being like, she's so dramatic. She's so dramatic. She's just 16 year old. No, not even. No, not even. Remember high school. Not even dramatic. Yeah, definitely dramatic. It's more than dramatic. It seemed very scripted and monologue. It's it felt, I guess like very rehearsed, which she might have done, but it was in a way. And maybe you're saying.

Oh, yeah. And also her normal speech might not be the most fluid communicative, you know, like kind of, hey, I'm just free willing. I'm 16 and I'm confident up here. I have thought about every word I'm about to say for the last 16 years. Like, my thing is, why aren't her parents, like, I feel like she's being used in a way. Her parents could fucking sit up there and be like, am I daughter? And then maybe have her come in and say something, but the fact that like she's like leading the march and they're doing that, I feel bits, I feel like it's like fucking bad. Like,

let's why I understand kid activism and stuff like that, but they're not immune to what everybody else is immune to is starting to talk about something, getting a lot of positive reinforcement and then that elevates them and they feed into it. Even if they're not like, you know what I mean? And I agree. And I think that it also subjects her like to people going at her and that people should be protecting her in a way. Yeah, people going at her is like people going at her like she should be protected.

Like if that's my daughter and I'm going to put her out there like that, I'm going to like be right next to her. Yeah. Like kind of sit next to her talking, I would talk then let her say it just feels like they're just like here. Here's the podium you go. I fucking think it's gross. From what I'm saying, you know, her parents have to stand 23 feet away at all times. Yeah, very specific. They have to hold her matches. And how is she there? Like how did she get there? Like how did she walk into the you like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I don't.

There's just some some girl from Finland that that goes, I want to talk to everybody. How's that fucking allowed? I'm not sure you're in clearance. I'm not sure you're in clearance. Like, when there has social, let me, it has serial killer face anyway. So I mean, it's very still faces in that country. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, oh, you mean Finland? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she looks like she's transitioning into vampire in Buffy, like she's like midway through the throat. It's just bizarre to me. I guess what I'm saying is it's bizarre to me to see a 16 year old girl like pig tails like or whatever, you know, a braided hair who looks like she should be whatever. How old is she 16? What is it? Eighth grade?

No, no. 10th grade. 10th grade. And she's like kind of scolding, saying that and people are just, okay. And then they were like, clap. We talked about it on Jim and Sam this morning. And Sam was talking about it. And it was just, it just feels to me that like, clap, we talked about it on, Jim and Sam this morning and Sam was talking about it. And it just, it just feels to me that like, there's another force behind it.

I just want to know what those people are doing because it sucks that she's the one going through that. If, you know, if it wasn't fake, you know, or not fake, but it wasn't scripted or whatever. And who was it? She talking to like, who was the man? They won general assembly. So it was to everybody. Yeah, but she was taking it as a personal attack in America. Like Like that's hilarious because it's like somebody giving a sp in anti cheating

speech. And you're like, right, what the fuck is this? I'm talking about. It's like, all right, you just gave yourself up. You're SNL. If SNL coming out, SNL has to, if they, if they go, if they want to be funny and do it the right way, how it would have to be funny if they just have like a toddler in her outfit. Yeah, like just a toddler in her outfit. Yeah. Like just a toddler in her outfit with pig tails. Just go on like, how dare you? What's that?

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Yeah, it's like, yeah, finally that's going away because that was on the rise for forever. Like, what's that like kid stand-up? Teenage stand-up, like 12 year old to 15 year olds doing stand-up. And they're finally like aged out because they like got to college. They don't want to do it anymore. Yeah. And that was an embarrassing part of my life. When I first started, I did a sit at the Old New York comedy club. This is early 2000s and I was like, I was so new, so new. And this like young kid went up before me. And he

like pulled his pants down and he had like black stockings on and his family and friends went nuts and loved it. And then I went on and kind of ate half a dick and I was devastated. I'm like, there was this fucking young Barry, I can't follow that close. And that kid was Pete Davidson. So you want to know the funny thing is that that time Pete was like fucking eight. Yeah, right. That's great. Yeah. He was that's how fucking young he is still.

But yeah, man, it's a weird thing right now going on. It's just a weird, because you don't know what is, I feel like you don't know what's, like real or what's set up. And everybody just, and then everybody just takes to social media, dude. And it's fucking wild. Yeah, I think that's a, that's a thing I'm trying to. I was, so she's the perfect person to address world leaders, because she'll go and give her speech, and everyone can just clap and then dismiss it.

You know, it's like, oh, good for you. So brave. All right, we got business. Sam said something. Sam Roberts said something funny today. He goes, her accent makes it better, because if it was like an American girl, and then I was like, yeah, she was like,

you, you, I give you some fun. How dare you? If you're still using plastic straws? Wow. Paper straws, y'all. Isn't that just, and that exists. Of course. No, no, no, no, I mean that voice.

Yeah. Like, I actually heard a girl sound like the voice that we all make fun of. Yeah. And I'm going holy shit, like, it's not an exaggerated voice. No, and no, it also exists. Emily Rata Kakaskaya, putting up the black power fist during a fucking female empowerment march like. Yeah, insane wild shit happens and then you know her bio for Instagram.

It's intersectional feminist and just because I look this way. Dude, the faceless, the factually Tom Brady said it and he goes, it's just faceless, nameless people that actually do. I do, I put something on, I put something on Twitter and I just said, and this is all I said, I go, all of my atheist friends are full of shit. All you atheists are full of shit because every one of my atheist friends, you know, when they're on a plane with a little turbulence, they all do the, just in case. You know, totally joking. And I just, and I said, all of my friends, and you're all foolish shit, you know, when it comes down to it, blah, blah, blah, just totally joking, right? Innocent. Even Stacy

was like, why the fuck did you, dude, when I tell you how many comments, let me ask you this, how many comments do you think is a lot if you put something out 30 minutes prior? It was like 50, 50 to 100. I had almost 800 comments. Yeah, reed dude, I had to the point where someone sent me up to show how little people interact with me. I didn't want to take the bait. I actually was overwhelmed with like, you know, like a couple people, like my initial, like people that like love me were like, ha ha, yeah, right, Bubba?

Dude, it turned into a fucking shit storm. An innocent joke about my friends who all of my friends that are atheists said to me, I do not gonna lie, that shit was making me believe in a guy, you know, something like that, do a little sign of the cross, whatever. Just in case, Joe, dude, they were like, my father was dying of cancer. Not once that I pray to a God, oh, sorry Paul, I don't realize you believe in a wizard in the sky and Santa Claus. No, dude, dude, I'm not here.

Here's the thing, you didn't pray and your dad died. And here's the other thing. And then I go back, I go, I never said what I, I never said anything what I was, but dude, it was to the point where like then it started, you just lost a ticket to your next comedy show. Oh, I bet your standup is a hoot fuck you. Dude, I'm not even joking. It got to the point where I was like, and all of a sudden I see like 550, then like 30 minutes later, 641, then it got to like 800, 900, but then I started worrying about like people going at my kids and shit., 641. And it got to like 800, 900, but then I started worried about like people

going at my kids and shit. Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, you know what? I'm not having an atheist fucking, I'm not doing it. So like, and I'm pissed, cause I took it down and then I showed Stacey and my wife's like, why would you take,

like, and she would normally be the one to go, you don't need that fight. You know, take it down. But she was like, fuck that. She's like, you made an innocent joke about your, and then I just realized I was like, yo, the Twitter mob and these faceless, nameless people like Tom Brady said, they're fucking out there and they just want to, because you're never going to see them. And it's always some fucking name that's like, you know, hot tub 87 that fucking, you know, you're not going to know who it is, but who they fucking

jumped on me do. Honestly, even if you do know who they are, they don't approach you like that in public. I've had people retweet my shit and call me the immediate and all this stuff and tough talk me on Twitter. And then as soon as I pass them in a club, there is either nothing or a nice court. Or there or there's a fan, dude, I went when my, my special came out and somebody goes, yeah, I thought this was moderately funny until I saw your political agenda and all this stuff.

And I go, I go, dude, did you listen? Because I'm not that like and he just goes, oh, dude, my bad. Maybe I need to look at like literally what happens. Like maybe I need to look again. Oh, dude, verse, you know, I'm a fan like and I'm like, oh, okay. So you motherfuckers just want to be heard. You just want to have some sort of a platform, but you're not, you know, you ain't shit dude.

You're this is a fake little, this is your little platform. Yes, you know what I mean? I don't know why you let one, something's in writing, like why you take it more. So how many people do you walk by every single day with a clipboard that are like, you have a minute for the koalas and you just fucking blow right by them?

That's what a Twitter comment should be. That's great. I'm just, that's perfect. That's perfect, yeah. Well, I love koalas. Dude, actually, I let those people choose my value. Do you have a minute for cool? Walking right the fuck by.

I fucking hate that bear. You got lizards, then we'll talk. They'll have a conversation. I'm a reptile guy. That's it. I saw a guy in a suit have the best response to that ever. He was like walking past one of those kids and they kind of like got defensive stance and thought of him.

And was like, Hey, do you have a minute for the environment? And he's like, yeah, but I don't think that's enough time. And he just kept walking. I was like, that was perfect. I really enjoyed it. Oh, that's great. That's not going to be enough time. Yeah, they're just, I remember one time somebody goes, Hey, this is an anti-George.

He goes, this is an anti-George W. Bush thing. Do you want it? And he had a clipboard. And I just got him fucking with this asshole. So I just go, no, dude, I'm all about Bush, dude. That's the dude. And he just goes all about Bush. I swear to God, like he was confused and didn't know what to do and discussed it.

And he just turned around and I just walked right there. And still to the day it feels great. That's the dude. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I go all about push. Dude, he goes all about and I'm like, yeah, I'm just going to just do that every time. I guess still walk around the village, muttering that to himself.

All about. Well, no, now now his hatred for Trump is probably so fucking through the roof that he wants George Dubback. Yeah. Yeah. Tim Dillon at a really good point. Some guy wrote up guy wrote. I forget who it was, but as somebody was writing how, you know, how was there not been one in our

special devoted to Trump, like, you know, all this stuff. And it was a whole link of like, you know, a fake dialogue between two comedians in the future to talk about the missed opportunity of Trump jokes and like, oh, no, late night is taking all of them. So we're not doing them. It was like this. And he's like, how much do these people love him? Like they're obsessed with them. This is a part of their everyday life so much. So yeah, that they would, it would fit. They'd have like a ghost limb if Trump was impinged. Do you know what I mean? They would know what they are. Yeah, they wouldn't know what the fuck to do. Who said that? Somebody said, I was, I honest, somebody said that all of the late night's ratings went up because of him.

Yeah, of course. Because if that, because if he's not there and everything is fucking, you know, nice, honky door, everything, you know, then it's what number one specifically for Larry and he was almost, he was almost canceled. Right. Yeah. They were, they were actually trying to flip. They were talking about that. They were trying, they were talking about flipping James Corden and him. Oh no, that's how bad it was going. And now it's so funny. He quit Comedy Central to, you know, it talking politics in any

way to now seriously talk politics. On a late night comedy show, what a brutal fate that is. Yeah. I'm going to give up that fun character. And now, you know, talk about shit to Keanu Reeves. That's why I get found credit, man. You got to get found credit because he just, he, even though you kind of know what his political stance is, well, actually, he just has an issue with Trump.

So you'd really don't know what he's done in the past, but he just leaves it alone. And you know, it is annoying. I think it's a manufactured issue, though. I think I think somebody steered him in that direction. They're like, hey, but yeah, you got to get a little political. I think Jimmy Fallon loves booze and doesn't care about anything else. That's from everyone who's worked on that show. He's 100% apolitical.

He doesn't give a shit. Everything he's done in his life has worked out perfectly. And he's like, I'm good. Well, no, but I think Trump won Adam. I think Trump won Adam. And then that was one of the things. And he went Adam once he took the, the, the turn where they were like, oh, you know, Cole Bear is gaining steam.

He's got this political. Oh, I was falling. And he's grading. He's dropped. Yeah, because he hust was phallus. And it's grading. It's dropped. Yeah, because he hustled his hair and humanized a human being. But yeah, and then he told people got upset with that. Of course.

Yeah, it's a very odd time. I think that I'm telling you, dude, when he gets reelected, I'm telling you, make no mistake, he's getting reelected. Make, I mean, I would put, he's not only he's going to win bigger. I'm getting a hot dog. I'm asking me. I'm getting a hot dog and a coke and I'm going to sit in Central Park. Probably two hot dogs because I'm going to want to watch it for a while. I'm going to watch meltdowns in Central Park crying. You should go to West Forth.

Actually, can I make a small suggestion? I'm not taking an edible brookling. You got to go, yeah, you got to go to prospect. No, because I'm not probably going to kill just how I look. Look, you're happy. Aren't you getting? I was walking around Brooklyn the day after. Okay, and people were consoling each other. Yeah, I remember the day after it was in the city. People, everyone looked like they got served divorce papers. Everyone in a jeep jacket was hugging each other. I was, I was, I was, I was still walking dogs then and the amount of people in Brooklyn who stayed home from work but still made me come to their house and walk their dog was inside. They were so sad that Trump

lost and I had to walk their dog in the rain. Wow. That's actually that's perfect symbolism. It was, it's perfect. Yeah. That is perfect. Yeah. That is perfect. Here's what's going to happen. I think he's going to win big again. And then the next president after him is going to be a democratic female. I would actually put, I bet money on that. Yeah.

I think that that's what's going to, I would actually, the road is in the indication. I would, it has to be. It's right in front of us. It's right in front of us that a female Democrat is going to be Gabby is going to be. I don't know, imagine. Guys, no more cheese. Guys, vegan and pizza. I'm sorry, I know you don't sound like that.

Jesus Christ. I would not vote for you alone on no pizza. Yeah, I have seen you not have pizza though. It's hard. I eat vegan pizza. What is that? Yeah, but it's not. That's the box.

That's the box. Vegan's always doing that shit. I can't know on the box. Vegan's always do that shit. They're like, I'm telling you, the burger, it's the same. It's like, it's beans. It's not the same. I'm possible burger.

Yeah, I tasted it. Yeah. It's impossible. Yeah, my wife just had one the other day. She would have sent these newspaper. It doesn't. It always feel like they're lying to when they bite it. You're like, is that good?

And they're like, yeah. It's something. It tastes like something. Yeah. I've been vegan since 2008. And I'm now at the point where like I was at a vegan restaurant and someone was like, this is better than Dary and cheese and I want to be like, you're lying. Yeah.

You just don't remember. I do it because of like moral stuff. Sure. But I know it's not as good. What do you mean by moral stuff? Like I don't think that we shouldn't, like the pain and suffering that animals have to go through to get stuff is not worth. God is so forth.

Stop on my knees to hear for this. Yeah, what did you do? I'm not fine with it. I would go, what the fuck? What about safe sex? What about safe sex? What about I'm not always about to go, what the fuck? What about state fucking boyfriend of cows? Yeah, you just don't, you know, teenage Mexicans about the vegetables.

Yeah. But can't you look at it this way? Let me ask you this. Is this a crazy way to look at it or is this the Italian way to look at it? I look at it like the meats already in the freezer. You're doing an animal of disservice by letting it die. Okay. And then having it's meat left there, like you did,

you know what I mean? So you're saying they're killing, you might as well eat. I'm saying like it's there. How hard of their killing you have a responsibility? I'm going like a who am I? Who the fuck am I to leave that thing, let that thing die? Or that thing son or daughter, whatever. And now it's a freezer, and I'm going

to just waste a throw it out. I've been looking for a solid position to take on this, and I'm 100% backing you. Yeah. Well, sometimes the animals are in it also. Somebody's like, I don't eat veal. I was like, first of all, veal's delicious, second of all. Why don't you eat veal?

They're like, oh, it's a baby. I'm like, they killed that baby. That baby. It's a very dead, it's for not bad. It's not alive, not eaten a cat. Yeah, like, I'm not letting that baby's horrible death not give me nutrients. Similar with abortions, if we're gonna abort things, we might as well use the cells to fix our shoulders.

I grew the blood. It seems like a very personal stance. That's the same exact thing. We need ligaments. Babies of flexible. I want to grow in here. They're already dead. Dude, I Bret Ernst is so fucking, you want to talk about over the top of times.

You guys know Bret? Yeah. I know who he is. I mean, Bret Ernst is, I cried on the phone laughing like I maybe never did with the friend before. We were crying laughing. He goes like this. He's so Italian that he always has to prove the story

He's telling's not a lie. So he goes he goes verse. I'm gonna tell you story I swear I swear he said it was verse. I swear to God. I swear on my brothers This is actually hand to God. This is what he said to me. He was verzy. I swear to God I swear on my he goes I swear on my brother's grave my father's matter of fact Let's go three way get my mother on the phone I swear to God get my mother on the fight. I swear to God, I'm getting my mother on the fight. I'll do it. I believe you.

You didn't have to even do the first thing. Like, I swear to God, dude, his stories, I God, if he was in New York, he'd be like if Christy and Jared freed had a kid. Yeah, kind of. He kind of looks like Jared and he's got the sensibility of Christ. Oh, dude, he is. He's so fucking funny. I'm like, I don't give a fuck, but yeah, buy it.

I'd fuck it. What do you think? I give a fuck. It's just, oh, dude, he's, he's, uh, imagine and over the, I used to do a bit years ago. I did a bit on an over the top Italian president, but it would never happen. It'll never, you know, think Trump kind of doors open now. Well, no, I don't know. I think, I actually, actually, I think maybe Trump might have closed the door on that.

I'd be like, listen, we had this guy, the last thing I needed, some guy walking. My God, my father's, yeah, my father is just over the top, man. Political? Yeah. The alien story is amazing. I don't know if you ever told that. But that's a here. The alien story? Oh, yeah, with my father. Yeah, you told it on a hyenas, but you called in. Oh, yeah, so this is true. This is actually true. And my father just, I'm paying to pick the best producer in the sky. I mean, this guy's not fucking around.

How we got, how we going? Are we flying? Are we doing all right? We're going good. Yeah. Okay. You were looking for exact time right there. Nice flow of the show too.

No, no, I see it. I see it. I got it right here, but this is good. We're doing good, right? Yeah. Sky, you know what? Bobby's not here. You could let it out.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm a lot of talk to this guy. You know, I feel for the animals. Don't talk about it. Bobby, yes, I had to stake this. But other than that, we're good. My father is just a paint-a-picture, just, you know, grew up in a Bronx tale, okay? 1960s to Bronx, New York. Good guy. Singing all the time. Good guy. Singing which has, commentary. So, but, you know, just one of those guys, you know, I say, am I acting still can't believe Obama was president? You know, he talks about like it was Katrina. Like he's like a naturalist. Like he can't. You know, he's like, you're lucky a grandfather is dead not to see that. That would have killed him. Like that's, you know what I mean?

But like here's a thing great guy. Yeah, yeah. Like just, it's just, just, it's embedded, you know, not a travel, you know, just, you know. So he's one of the, so picture that. So 1973, this is real. This is actually, and the history, how you know, as we talked about it, 1973, they're in Yonkers. My mother is pregnant with my older brother, Christian, okay? And I'm not even a fucking thought is five years before me and they're outside and my grandmother had a lot in Yonkers.

And now that when you look up newspapers, you can see that they start calling and they go, my God, oh my God, get out of here, get out here. And they go outside and literally there is a, I know it sounds crazy to say, there is a UFO hovering over and all the neighbors come out and everybody's freaking out, it's not making a noise. And it's like a bluish noise and it's like a bluish gray thing hovering there. And they said, and my grandmother, my aunt, my mother, my father says he wishes to this day that he didn't see it because it fucks with them. And he's like, dude, he's like, I felt like I was thinking I can throw something at it

or shoot it. And he goes, but I don't want that he like panicked with that thought and went inside because he was just like freaked out. So they looked at this thing and he said, in a fucking split second, it turned into a fucking star in the sky from that. Now, there was all kinds of reports the next day that people saw it. Now, my father always thought people that saw that were crazy, were lying, wanted attention, or an Oklahoma drunk. Oh man, I swear to God, I think I've seen the aliens. And he was just so, he didn't want to talk about it.

And he was just like, and him describing it to me was fucking hilarious. He goes, Paul, Paul, you know me, I don't go for that shit. Okay. He goes, I don't go for that shit. There's a fucking flying saucer. Okay, I wish I didn't see it. There's a fucking fly, this thing, whatever that fucking thing was about that, whatever the fuck that thing was, it wasn't from this world.

Whatever the fuck that thing was, it was not from this world. I promise you. Okay, and he's telling it, so he was a big wiggit AIG. Before my parents got divorced down here, like, you know, and he had a really big position at a huge company down here, and they were at a barbecue at like the boss's house in Long Island or like in the Hamptons. And my mom, he was like, you told my mom,

you don't tell anybody. I don't fucking tell anybody what they're gonna think where crazy, you don't tell anybody. So my mom is just like mingling at this like swanky AIG party and my dad goes, and then your mother, you know, they didn't get a lot of you. And then your mother in the middle of this party, my bosses are there. She yells across and goes, hey, Tommy, tell everybody about the flying source. And he goes, and I'm thinking, what the fuck is she doing?

So I had to blow it off like, nah, nah, we didn't see anything, dude. And people wanted my dad to go on and talk about it. And you know, you know, I want to, you know, you want to talk about it. It's just one time I threw a T cup at her. I'm not into hitting, but you know, my boss is there. The witch in the witch. Yeah, but dude, like that was but dude, that was and my aunt and my mom, people that obviously aren't cool with my dad for a long time. Like, we saw some, like my mom, who's actually religious, she's just still can't, like, it was there. And then it fucking disappeared into a dot.

He said in a fucking split second. And he said, like, it was, you know, he told me the size where it was the height. And for a long time, we would ask him, like growing up like that. Can you tell us that? And he would just, and it's definitely like, that made me believe. Because if my father trusts me, that made me, that was like the first time where I was like, I mean, I was young. So like if I'm in school and kids are like, that's not real.

But like when my father told me, and I spoke to my mother I was like, some shits out there. But now, didn't the Navy just confirm these two pilot videos of these UFOs? There's actually, if you go to YouTube, I believe it's YouTube, there's, I think there's like reports of like 20 commercial airline pilots. It's guy from United is going, like you could hear the call and he's going, yeah. He's basically basically like we got something that like it would go like a thousand feet like that just like diagonal. Like we just can't do that. And he but just listening to somebody who's so logical and smart in aviation go, I did it in the Navy because he's an F 18 pilot. These are like the most trained observers of aerial shit in the world. And he's losing it like on, he's like, dude, what the fuck is that?

It's spinning. It's not here. You can hear him radioing the tower. And he's a fighter pilot. He's a like, that's the thing. Like that's the comment. Like that's like an astronaut com. That's just like, like it's a matter of fact.

This is what it is. And they're shaking up. Like they're like, dude, what the fuck? That's not from this world. That's crazy. When I was over in the Middle East, I got to see some of the new fucking jets. They have no runway or anything like that. They literally just, they launch off the ground and then just kind of turn like this and shoot

into the ground. You saw that? Yeah. Was it nuts? It was fucking, it was insane to watch. And then we found out the day before a Russian meh, it was a half by Rani and half US base, probably not supposed to share this, but a day before Russian migs like landed on the bed. We're gonna lose the next war because of this podcast. I was listening to my cannon.

Say Russian migs landed on the base the day before the Americans had no idea the Baranians knew and forgot to say so the fucking Marines like just, you know, thought World War three was starting and kind of like pulled them out of their jets at gunpoint. And then the next day we went to visit the thing. Saw the top secret flights went on like a 1963 Air Force submarine viewing plane and got taken off at gunpoint by Marines because they had no clue who the fuck we were. Even though we were there to do comedy for the two hours.

Wow. Yeah, wild. That is crazy. And they say though that a lot of these astronauts that are on their deathbeds, like going Google it and look like a lot of them are saying like when they went to the moon or when they were up there shit that they saw and the guys like look I'm not taking the shit to my grave. And like guys are like I saw so that's also a hilarious thing to say on your deathbed

just to fuck with people. That is funny. By the way, I saw shit on the moon. I had sex with the alien. 18 was real. I love this. It gives you more questions than answers. Imagine you said something really fucked up.

I fucked an alien. I fucked it. What did you have? gives you more questions and answers. Imagine you said something really fucked up. I fucked an alley. I fucked DT. What did you have? What did you have? Damn. He just goes, oh.

Can't get him? What did you have? What did you want to say? Can't get him? Can't get him. Can't get him. Can't get him. Can't get him.

Do you, I just saw Rick, I saw Rick, you're a vase and Colbert talking about this shit and they went off and Colbert looks at your vase and goes, all right, let's have it debate. I say, God exists. You say he doesn't and they went and Rick, you're a vase goes, so you believe he said something actually really kind of poignant, but then Colbert said something was pretty good. He goes, he goes, Steve, he goes, there's 3000 gods according to religion. There's 3000. So you're saying that 2,099, you know, whatever is wrong and yours is right. He goes, I believe in one less than you, right? That's what you're saying. And he was just like, all right. But then what is this? Like what is this force? What is this? And he

couldn't say, he's like, I'm fine with saying I don't know. So then he's going, well, so you do think something and he's going, and then he was just going back and forth with science. So I ask you, I ask you, Gabby, Robbie, Michael, Zachary, is it Zachary? All right, relax, I was joking. He's fucking full of said Zach, motherfucker. Zach is in Morris. I think, I'll tell you what I think.

Okay, we're getting a little deep here. Is this too deep for them? Is it okay? That's a YKWDF. Damn, this is a good show. I don't know why I got defensive. Yeah, it's fucked, damn it. All right, you don't want to hear the fuck what comics have to think about, God?

We feel scared. We're scared. We're out of your scared. We got questions. I'm like, I hope there's a guy that's starting to cry. No, I think that there has, I think that there's something, I think that there's something and there's something because I always go back to this and this is just my thing, right? So the big bang theory, all that science, but what was before that?

Sure. So like if you go to the big bang theory, what was before that's just something that we can't wrap our head around, right? Yeah. So it's like, so it was just a blank screen, but then what was that blank screen? You could just go back until you want to put a gun in your mouth, right?

Yeah. And then find out I'm kidding. Right. So I think something, and I have peace, and I take solace in the fact that that something can be a good thing. Sure. So for me, yes, there is a god,

or there is something out there. So like all the atheists were going at me going like, wizard in the sky, Virzy, Santa Claus. And I'm going, I never said that. Yeah. But I said, I said something. So are you just fucking straight up atheist? Or what's your deal?

No, I've done enough mushrooms to be a sort of. I was going to say, actually, that's what I was going to ask you. Like have you been? I was though, I grew up Irish Catholic, got cynical when all my friends started dying and then did mushrooms and it changed my whole I was just gonna say did doing mushrooms and have the psychological change make you go there's some shit out there Yeah, but in a different way like I it opened me up to stuff that I'm incapable of perceiving So mushrooms kind of gave me a window into other shit that I can't see sober. I think that what do you mean like give me an example

Like like you're so fucked up hallucinating. It's not even a fucked up. It's a clarity. So it brings about some sort of deep thought that kind of strips everything to its bare bones and kind of puts everything, you know, almost everything is on the table. And you really kind of sift through it. And you get to kind of, you know, from a base level examine everything and what this all might be. I am of the mind that it's not some lifeguard in the sky that that gives a fuck what who we fuck. But it's like, right. I don't care if the Yankees win a world set right. Exactly. I think it's an indefinable energy that probably is infinitely going on and we've experienced this before.

There's been different versions, the multiverse string theory. It's probably all happening at the exact same time. You did too much, Ross. Oh, yeah. I was like, this has happened before this, this is a day job, who is this proven. Okay. I just think, and like, I'm a reincarnation guy. I've been, I've been once, I was like eight years old.

I've been super into that. I, you know, I don't know. I'm just, I'm completely open to all of it besides, uh, so the church. So did you, so when you were hallucinating, more whatever was going on, did you like what you were before? Do you know what you were before? No, but when I did DMT, I became my energy self and not my, not in my, to know everything about that.

What? So DMT, it's dimethyltriptamine. It's the most potent hallucinogen on the market. It's your every living thing excreats it. And it's also supposedly what comes out of your pineal gland right before you're about to die. It's why Steve Jobs is quoted as saying, oh, wow, oh, wow, oh, wow, as his last six words as he's like staring vacantly past his loved one.

No. Oh, yeah, for sure. And I holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's supposed to ease the transition from consciousness to death. But that people also believe that this might be an elongated DMT trip and we're just kind of dying as a former version of ourselves anyway. But when I did, I'm now having a fucking panic. I'm trying to do a podcast, but when I did DMT, I wasn't myself really.

I watched reality breakdown in front of me and then I got taken into depths of different dimensions and off to the side and through and all these things. And I got, you know, it's almost too fast to comprehend and you have to catch up with it later and you're not sure what your brain is actually making up or what you experienced. But yeah, I mean, I saw my dad's head tear in half,

which I assumed like was metaphor for like, let's ship go, which I have not until this day. I will not. Yeah. And I also met the, I met the blue lady, the divine feminine, which is a typical person that a lot of people on hallucinogens meet. What, what, what? So the, so the Shane Moss is far more educated and interesting about this stuff than I am. I'm just I just give my own experience. So there's a belly a blue lady.

There's a blue lady that is the divine feminine. She's supposed to represent. Is this what we're looking at here? Yeah, pretty much, but she, she's a feminist. She's a feminist. She's a hairy armpits and her box stuck. You got that cluster of pussy. Oh, yeah, I was right up there. I want to curl.

I got not eat her out. Wait, you hooked up. It's there. Oh, yeah, for sure. No, I saw her actually in my trip and she was breastfeeding. And this is like years ago when I was like, fuck my wife's pregnant. Like that's immediately what I thought in the middle of my friends. And she was.

No, she wasn't. Not a years before. But it was probably led down the path of us eventually trying and getting it. So there's a trip that can be so high and intense that everybody sees this lady. Not everyone, but a lot of people do. And it's apparently because our brains have like different synapses and patchwork that they do to kind of make up for an overload of information. So right now, my eyes are seeing two different sides of your face and they're trying to process everything at the same time to focus on one individual image. But to do that, they're also filling in information that each of them don't have. So the patchwork of our brains fills that in and I get a view of your face. What that might be a result of is similarly overwhelming amounts of catalysts and information and poison, you know, or medicine, depending on how you're

looking at it. And your brain could just out of survival mode or just it's all, it's inability to process everything kind of create patchwork and then you end up shaking hands with this gun. Holy shit. Sir, I asked why you want to work at this foot locker. Holy shit, dude. That's fucking heavy, dude. No wonder why you could take a bad editable trip. I see. You had reality breakdown in front of you where you were like my other another being of you was going on

And you're like yeah, it just felt more abstract than it does Contain now listen it was so that that's not mushrooms. No, no, that's DMT What's DMT's like I like a tab. So no, they actually it's so advanced now I mean there like so many ridiculous things it could come in a vape pen people of DMT vape pens Which I actually took first and I didn't end up breaking through like I got kind of to the door of the kingdom and then turned around. And then I did shonga, which is a route that is soaked in DMT and you can smoke it like weed and not like the kind of heated up crack pipe version like you usually have to get. And so I just hit that like weed and got fucking shipped off to space. But then it's like seconds and how long does it last?

So the first trip took me about like eight to nine minutes, earth time. It felt, it felt much different. The second trip was 16 minutes and broken up into two parts because I would, right, I took like two or three huge hits for the second one because I finally felt comfortable. And it was like I didn't have any nerves about it. I kind of knew what to expect. And as I was laying down, like going to lay back on the floor

to kind of like close my eyes and deal with what I was about to see, I thought I shit my pants. Because I'm not. No, no, but like I was just like, I felt the warmth, like sensation kind of fill my pants. And I was like, ah, I'll deal with that when I get to the point.

Because that's just what that is. And then in the middle of the trip, I popped up and went to talk to my friends because they were, you know, you gotta have spotters there. You can't just do this by yourself. And my friends were, they would be sober, then one person would trip and then two people would look out, that was kind of the thing.

And so I looked at them and they were, their backs were to me and I was like, what the fuck is going on like, and I'm trying to like talk to them. And I realized I was still in the thick of the DMT trip and then just kind of looked up and there was the blue lady. And we, uh, dude, I've never been locked in on somebody

in a podcast in my life. Like I realized like I for like the last five minutes, I haven't looked at anybody here. But you're fake. When you were saying that about my face, I'm like, yeah, I'm looking at your face too. Like that's fucking nuts, dude. Like that's another fucking level of, see, I can't see that's what I can't, I can't

handle that shit. Why? Because you don't have to go to the hospital. Yeah, like it once I start, it's the least anxiety you'll ever have in your life. Because I'm an anxious person. I have, this is why I'm on a clear mission to find something that I just haven't been able to like locate. But DMT is the one thing where I've smoked, been nervous about how I'd feel during it and

panic and my heart would explode. I had instant no anxiety and the most confidence and feeling of like, I've ever had while on it. Yeah. Even while shooting through dimensions. Yeah. So the shooting through dimensions part is just scary. You know, like shooting through dimensions is just like, yeah, that's fucking wild, man. Like, are you hungover afterwards? No, I felt like I could hop a car. Really? You're fine. And how long?

Ten minutes? That's math. Yeah, yeah. Oh, different day. So, so it's really a ten minute issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's, it's the biggest issue. So let me ask you a question. Half hour later, you are completely like you are right now, right after. Yeah, right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with far greater understanding.

Maybe. So it also, I mean, here's the thing. I'm also not pro hallucinogenic for a lot of people because it can trick mental, it trip mental illness, it can throw people into a fucking world when I hurt for whatever reason. It, it came to me at a time when I actually legitimately needed it. And I think it's, I think it's helped me to expand beyond my Irish Catholic upbringing where now I feel greater empathy for other people. That's why when people are like, what's your political views? You don't want to hear it because I think mandatory mushroom trips for at least a month for everybody on earth with therapy sessions in between. And then, you know, we all get the fucking huggy.

Well, yeah, we're gonna be fucking shit in our pants. I mean, I got to care if you're a fucking asshole. Just why do you think you're sorry, young? He gives it to his baby. So you believe in it. So you believe so the short of it is you believe in an energy and something. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, energy. That was fun. Sorry. So you believe in it. So you believe so the short of it is you believe in an energy and something. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, energy. That was fun. Sorry. That was what how are we ever going to make sure to go last. For sure. Robbie's like, yeah, something next. Yeah, there's a God. He's American.

Next to a hot dick and a Corvette. God Trump is God. I mean, haven't we? There it is. God is a gun. I like it. It's an A-R-15 with a buckstaffer. So the Marines who protect us are God. I saw God as full guys in Evil G-Mode.

But all jokes aside, I bet you when you saw that military shit, you were like, those guys are fucking gods as far as what they'll do to like, and that's perspective shattering shit, because I am, you know, I am as Lib Cuck as they come, especially as they write in the YouTube comments, right now, I guess. But going over there gave me such like an outside perspective as to what I view that stuff to be, you know what I mean?

What I think serving is, and what it actually is, which is the financial manipulation and the manipulation of people, and it can get dark, but also then you go there and you meet these people and they are serving for a purpose, and it's how they've chosen to spend their life. And what they're doing is something I am completely incapable of. So there's an immediate respect. It's unbelievable. I don't buy the whole, I mean, obviously when I'm performing, I'm not, I don't say give

it up for the troops, but I am like that whole like, oh, you know, do you go up to a soldier and be like, thank you for your service. I'm like, fuck yeah. Like if I, if I'm, like, it's like those dudes are like what you just said, like those dudes, and I've talked about some of my podcast forever. Those dudes are willing to like, I was in San Antonio and this guy came up after a show. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. And this guy had like, Shrap metal fucking like scars and burned.

And I was just like, and he was a soldier and I was a head man, like, and he was just saying some of the shit he went through. And he's like, yeah, man, he's like, you know, I was just like he's just like, will is, you know, willing, willing to die for the, for the country right now. He's like, you know, people got to ask him, so are you ready to, are you ready to die for America right now? And I'm like, no, but it's like, I'm just because I'm, I'm going to go tell Dick jokes in that room right now. That's what I'm built for. And despite what you feel about it, that's how they view it. Like that's the thing. Like for somebody to go, I want to go through that so you can tell

you're fucking dick joke. It's like that's fucking, like I don't understand how anybody hates on that. That's not political. Right. That's the thing, like people want to even make that political, that's not political, that's fucking gangster, that's dope, man, because I don't have the ability to do that. I don't know. You know, I agree with you.

Especially we had the leader of our tour was a captain in the infantry Marine. So he was in the shit. He's like, he's like, fucking front line. I mean, what did he say? Huh? What did he see? I mean, they don't want to say he, he was all we would smoke Cubans, me, him and Gary Veter. And he was just telling us like, you know, I, I, I want literally war stories. Yeah. And you know, and that's some fucking him running drones ahead of the the actual like man-made infantry for they're like taking out certain areas. They're getting dogs to like trip wires and like, I got bit by one of those dog like the whole the whole thing. How they how they like how they operate and the intelligence and the stuff that goes into it

is like so beyond my capacity as a human being, I can't help a respected because I just don't have any of them. Well, I take that DMT shit, you know. And then, I mean, Taliban just took me like DMT and I was talking to one of the dogs and he told me, it was only 10 minutes, but the fucking blue lady sat with us. You and Peter got to be like, well well I was playing bonkers and young Bachelor at party showed up 15 minutes late You think you've seen the shit I've seen the amount of dick straw

There were dick straws everywhere and there was no brown Nobody was seating people seat yourself wherever I mean the cheques bot never ended. I got forwards, check drop, late Saturday. I've never been the same since. I don't have an air word. Yo, they showed, they showed, Yana showed me Israeli military training the dogs. These dogs, these military dogs, you trained, they do shit that is like, they can play video games. They do the dog can like literally they'll tell the dog like this crazy command and it will go and do it. Sniff stuff out. Come right back, sit down, be like, go up to that thing. It's, it's really fucking nuts, dude. Yeah.

It's real is unbelievable. I was just there and hearing how every single person is in the army for three years and they're like, we met fucking spies. We were meeting all these people. Oh, you have to be, right? Yeah. I have to be I think everyone I think I see it. No, no, yeah, everyone crazy. If you are Israeli and you have to you have to. Men three years. My mom did it. My brother did. Yeah, my mom was in the Israeli. My brother was what's the minimum like what do you have to do? I was two years for women three years from now. Okay. My nephew's in there right now in the Navy. Yeah. And then you dodged

it like a cook. I wasn't born there. Sorry. Robbie's like, I'm going to go to Tampa. It is wild. I'm going to Tampa, pick up a little. It is wild in Israel though. No one fights at bars or clubs because everyone is trained to kill. So it's like no one would fight because it would end in murder. So everyone's just calm.

Yeah. Like in Jersey, everyone's fighting. What's that? Yeah, there's still Jews at the end of the day. Don't forget it. There's still Jews at the end of the day. That's why I, that's like going to a bar and I've gotten into verbal confrontations with people with the ears, the fucking college.

Oh, college hours. And it's an immediate. I'm going to turn around and just go the other way. Someone had that tweet that like, I'll call it fly away, you're just at the ADT sign. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's perfect. As he says, the ADT sign for your face. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's perfect. He said it's a perfect. It's a perfect side for your face.

That is perfect. Yeah, it is. It's really perfect. If you see a guy with cauliflower ears, like, fuck out of there. That's another thing. Like, there's soldiers and then there's UFC fighters because UFC fighters, like, people say to us, like, how do you get on stage and just stand up, right? Like, people have said that.

Like, what was it like to just get up on stage in front of hundreds, sometimes thousands, sometimes, and just fucking tell jokes. And I'm like, do, imagine being on the card of a pay-per-view and your family is there and you could be fucking knocked out cold, bludgeoned. And just and it's and like, to me, that's some, that's, that literally is like modern day gladiator shit. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I mean, you got to be a tough tough and you know, they do shit to offset their toughness. Like Chuck Liddell would paint his nails and shit. He would paint his toenails. Dude, I know this one, dude. His name was, I don't want to mention his name because if I mention his name, he was a UFC fighter from Boston. He had like 12 fights. And when I did this

independent film where I played a UFC fighter that fights to the death, he was the guy choreographing it. And this guy had legit 12 fights. He was actually 500, record was 500 in the UFC. He's got a hilarious, I'll tell you who it is, you might even know, you guys probably saw him fight. And he would do this thing where he would be like, yeah, Paul, I swear to God, I make a stop.

He's like, he sucked his thumb, he sucked his thumb. And on the bus to go to the thing, like my child did, like my child did. And he was like. And I'm like the bus to go to the thing. Like like like like my child did. Like my child did. And he was like, yes, I want you to, you come around. When he goes down, I want you to go down, go like this and he's showing all this shit to it. And then we're just sitting there saying he was just like, and I was like, and like, he was like content.

Like he was content. Like it was a passive fight. I swear to God, he was a tough, black dude who would fuck anybody in this, he'd fuck us all up quick, right? And he was just telling me, he was a tough black dude who would fuck anybody in this feet fuck us all up quick, right? And he was just telling me he was choreographing his fight in foot and a UFC on pay-per-views on like the undercard and shit.

And he would just be like, and I was like, at first I was like, he fucking with me. And then like somebody told me, I think Burr was like, no, they have, those guys are so fucking the testosterone is so fucking like, I think like Chuck Liddell would like pain his fucking tone. And it could be, I think like Chuck Lidell would like pain is fucking toned out. And could be. How does life like a ghost? What? What?

I was like, what is that all that? Yeah. I was like, you love Halloween. They can't fix, they can't fix it. No, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't,

you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, These guys don't give a fuck, you know? No, it's actually a badge of honor. It's like, it's what you're aware to show. Yeah, my roommate has it. I'll write, yeah, because he, because he fought, well, he's, he teaches still, but he fought like, and he has it. You can't have him if you still teach math. No, no, he teaches like MMA. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What happens if you get it, we get it, we don't drain it, it calcifies, right? Yeah, so you have to get it drained like for it. Yeah, yeah. So that's all, like, it beams here. That's all hard. He couldn like for it. Yeah, yeah. So that's all like, it's easier. That's all hard. He couldn't get it. So that year's going to be like that forever forever.

What is it? So it's it's part of the whole head was built for accepting from like rubbing on the mass. Yeah, like wrestlers get it a lot. That's right. Right, but what's in it? He matrimon from in the year basically. Yeah, basically blood vessels burst and they calcify.

But then once it gets hard and then it's just you can't, that's what it is. That alone, dude. Yeah, look, look, look. Look, chocolate delts, it's his toes. His toes are probably jacked up from kicking out. They're probably all like a lot of ruse of Bobby Paints's toes too, but it's because he has dead nails. Bobby Kelly.

He hasn't painted his toes. Does he? Yeah. He doesn't paint like one or two of it's because he has dead nails. Bobby, he hasn't painted his toes. Does he? Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't paint like one or two of his toes because he has dead nails. I think Don does. He explained it on the show, I think. So fucking gross. All right. All right. Speaking of Bobby, make sure we're going to do the stuff for him. Creeps with kids. It starts October 18th in Reading, Pennsylvania. So get your two tickets. Oh, Ron Bennington, Bobby Rich boss, and Jim Florentine, all great guys, all fucking hilarious. That's just going to be a nonstop laughing show. So definitely check that out here. And if you're watching live, make sure you go to Windsor, Ontario, wear him this weekend

on Friday, head and scumbag club Saturday,adu, Mitch again at Shakespeare's. He also needs to announce that next week, stress factory is canceled. He has to be scheduled that one so he'll let you guys know. So make sure you don't by take his effect and see him there, but he will let us know when he's going back. Yeah, keep your kids, man. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You did one of those. Awesome. What's that?

You did the creeps with the creeps. I did the creeps with did the Chris kids at the village underground and it was it was so fucking fun. That was killer. How great was that show? That was like one of the best shows at the village underground and to be a part of it was just it was killer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bennington hosted dude, it was fucking wild. It was a great one. It was and it was cool because I was like, what are we just gonna do the just do stuff and they were just like just go for it as a parent. I was like, and the crowd was just ready. It was and it was cool because I was like, what are we just going to do the, just do stuff and they were just like, just go for it as a parent. I was like, and the crowd was just ready. It was fucking awesome. It was so good. Chrissy D was on that. Big J. Me Chrissy D big J, Ron Bobby and maybe one more. Remember Bonnie? Bonnie did one once. No, she wasn't on that.

Your dad was there and he fucking loved it. Yeah, my dad was, my dad goes to the comedy shows and money. Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it. I don't know, I don't know who it was, but it was, that's a great show. That was color. Yeah. And here's the thing, Rick Ron Bennington, I went down there, I just went down the stairs of the cellar one time, I was like, who was fucking murdering like that? To Ron Bennington, like, making no mistake, fuck that 30 year radio. That guy is such a pro.

He's just such a pro. Yeah. He just knows, like, he stopped for a while, got back. He would, like, I remember he'd work a couple clubs, you see him. And then like he was just like, oh, it's fucking guys back. Guys great. And one of the best radio hosts ever. Yeah, he's amazing.

He's like, you don't even realize you're on the radio. I'm like, oh, we're doing it. Like, he'll just start, hey, man, how you been? What's going on? And then we start talking and then you're like 10 minutes in and I'm like, are you going to turn a thing on? And you know, he's like, no, we've been, we've been going. Yeah, this guy's a fucking pro.

Florida guy, right? Yeah. Well, he's down there for a long time in the in-tamp area. Yeah. I don't know if he's from there originally, but yeah, not originally know, but that's where he was. Yeah. Radio first, yeah. Or for a long time. Nobody hears from other than you, where are you originally from? Yeah. I was born in the upper west. Okay. Yeah. Once I was Satan Luke's Roosevelt, I was Mount Sinai West. It's where my son was born too. Okay. Yeah. All it was Satan Luke's Roosevelt, it was Mount Sinai West. It's where my son was born too. Okay. Yeah. All right. And you're you're a Florida, right? No, it's born in South Africa though. Oh, yeah, you're one of those. You got from all over.

Yeah, you're surely. You're Charlize. This is good. Yeah. You're the Ron. I've born in South Africa grew up in England. It's quick stop in Israel. But then like I was in and out of Tampa a lot. There's actually footage of him There's footage of him as a 16-year-old kid in the UN His big tail you have failed us No one is giving out hand jobs You're to blame Korea What a fun that would fun pit stop to be so worldly and then be like, next up Florida.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you go from like all these. Yeah, now in Tampa's, but out of all Florida, it's not the, no, Florida's definitely like, I mean, you ever go to West Palm? Yeah, yeah. Florida's not like, I don't, I don't, I don't, a little better, I think, yeah. For sure. Tampa's actually pretty nice city. It's like, Tampa, like Florida in general, that's a bad rap, but it's never people from Florida.

It's always assholes from Ohio and Massachusetts and New York who moved down there and do crazy. Floridians, they're used to it. They're pretty relaxed. Yeah. The thing is everybody wants to travel away from that. And I get that like, Goni Europe, I went to Europe this year, I went to seven countries in 10 days.

It was great. But America is a shit, dude. Like if you go to parts like Arizona, Arizona has some of the most beautiful, like you just stand there. I play golf in Nevada. Like we were, we were in Vegas, but we drove to play golf. I was just standing there and I was like, fucking the most, I'm just like, this is the most breathtaking shit ever.

Yeah, it's shocking. What? Well, because when you grow up on the East Coast, you think that you should just go east and go vacation to Europe and you're like, oh, all of America is amazing. Yeah, I heard somebody say, somebody said like Wyoming is one of like the, like, there's like, like, rivers and shit in Wyoming.

That's just like fucking clean and nice Montana. Yeah, I want to see that shit too. And Teton National Park out there, then we got Grand Canyon Niagara Falls over here. It's insane what we have. The Pacific Northwest, the beaches and floor. I've never been to Niagara Falls. I've never saw the falls live.

Oh, really? It's crazy. Yeah, I've never been. It's crazy. And it's too sides, right? It's Canada and yeah. It's for a scene for Take the Kids. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a Disney land up there. Yeah, like the only thing that I know about Niagara Falls is the Superman movie. When he like flew down to like a baby fell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is impossible. Yeah, well, that he flew. For a baby to get that far. Oh, I thought you meant that he flew.

I was like, yeah, there's like, we got it. We got it in the possible. That's impossible that he can jump and save the back. What the, how do you do that? Now, we're talking about how America's got some dope places. Oh, yeah. Like for sure. Like that people just don't see because they want to go vacation other places.

I want to go to Montana. I just said that. I said, Wyoming and Montana, like people are like, it's the cleanest, nicest shit. And somebody like you, the shrooms and shit, did you just sit on a mountain and like, imagine the Cowboys and Indians still exist? Yeah. You ever go to Big Bear in in Cali? Yeah, that place is fucking amazing.

Big Bear is amazing. It's just an hour and 20 minutes out of that. Yeah, is it? It's like, yes. What is it? Is it like a, it's the mountains, man. When it's like 77 and sunny in LA and January, it's snowing in Big Bear an hour and a half away. It's just like the mountains, you know? It's amazing.

Yeah, it's beautiful. And that's awesome. Big Lake. Um, so are there any, do we need ads or what are we doing? We're good. Yeah. All right. I would need to say the Patreon thing and that stuff for Bobby.

Oh, cool. Yeah. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Check it out. Donate. It's a cup of coffee every month. We've great added material on there. Videos.

Bobby is always making little short films and hilarious shit. Yeah. Yeah. The extra footage from the Bill Burr interview is going to be coming out and then Mike Kaltas, life on the shed will be there later this October. Two of Mike Kaltas fucking awesome, dude. I went out to Tampa and he fucking bought it. And the guy is he shout out to Mike Kaltas. We went out and I just met him and I instantly treated me amazing.

Bought us this insane steak dinner. We were getting on the impractical jokers cruise the next day, but we went me, Bobby, and then Soder came late and we were in studio and it was awesome. And he welcomed us with open arms and that guy show his fucking great. He's super funny. He's funny. He's great. Like he's just, and it's like that show is like that's a dope ass show.

So shout out to my Colta, but this was amazing. This was this was great, man. Like I didn't expect that that shit you said and then I mean, we went off the UFOs and tripping everywhere. We went everywhere, but it was a lot of what we're going to name this one Blue Lady. Yeah. Or what do you have? Or this is not from this world. Blue Lady, I like blue. You know what I'm talking about? It would be blue cards. It's my fucking show, Mike. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or you have. Or this who did that cocks up? I think he gets on the phone. Bobby never again. This ass song. You sat you see like he owned it. I think he fought it and you see Bobby. You're ready. It's groove. I didn't. What?

That's groove. I mean, did you have to fuck up the lab? I don't know what ask. Groovy. It's a Simpson's reference. I got it. Okay. All right. All right. It's taking his side. It's just like me to go the opposite of the business. Oh, yeah. That's why you west side, right? Liberal content.

Now I'm kidding. I don't even know what. What do you got? What do you got, man? What do you got a plug? So then I got no dates worth looking career to the shambles, but you know, follow me on Twitter at Robbie Slavic. What about the album, dude? Oh, I was, yeah, the album live near Carnegie Hall.

That's a great fucking. Thank you. That is so great. Check it out on Pandora. If you have it and thumbs up the tracks, please help me. Instagram as well at Robbie Slavic, R-O Y S L O W I K I could tell you man, I saw Robbie work in some of that material in a packed room and it was killing and it was he's super funny, super smart. So check out Robbie Slough, you'll be here and more

from him. Like what you guys also, I like your head shot because you got a little whip a wind on your nose. Yeah. I was like, I got a little like cold and I was very cold. That's what that outfit is. That's what that outfit is. It's also like four years old cold pants. I'm near Carnegie Hall. It's dope ass man. Oh, it's so good. It's so great.

Yeah, my day, I'll be in Chicago October, 5th through the 7th at Zainey's downtown doing four shows, three Saturday night, one Sunday and then doing a live Irish goodbye podcast on the seventh, which is great. Listen to Irish goodbye podcast. And then November 4th, I'm going to be record filming my first special downstairs at the village underground. Yeah, super pumped about it. He's got a whole theme to it. I spoke about it a little bit last time with Bobby, but he's going to be doing a cameo. I got some other cameo is coming in and, you know, I'm really pumped to release it. I want to shoot it November, November 4th.

Yeah. And, you know, it's going to be accompanied by the full hour, full hour album, all that shit. But there's two shows eight and 10 pm. I got to fill downstairs. So for the love of God, come out. Yeah, you got time. Yeah, you got to know, but I'm panicking already. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna be calm. We're gonna take his sales numbers tomorrow. It's not November. I already asked Liz and she's like, you can't, you can't do this

already. And I'm like, yeah, that's fair. I just got it. Super good point. I gotta say, but I'm gonna be quite your nails are on to. There's only 19 people. It's like October 5th. Yeah. Mike, are you got anything?

Yeah, we'll follow Bobby at Robert Connelly. We'll live on Instagram, follow the show at YKW, dude podcast. Make sure you will leave a review. Riders on iTunes and YouTube. And you follow me on Instagram at Mike Feeswores. Yeah, be at. At Gabby is Brian. I have a monthly show in Brooklyn first Wednesday of every month at the Wastation called Jiggy with it. I have a podcast called on a bash podcast on iTunes and Spotify. And that's it, Mike. Cool. I'm at my cabrousey on all social media. I have a podcast called a little time and

it's everywhere. And you can listen to it whenever you want to. That's nice. Yeah. And I don't know. You can go to my Twitter. I just posted a video on me doing stand up. And it's fun. Call a vegan pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little vegan pussy. Not cheesy. Mother fucker. Got anything, Zach? Zach the new guy. Zach the new guy. And yeah, so this weekend, guys, I will be at Gotham Comedy Club, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday headlining my favorite club in New York City, the headline. Well, there's only a couple and that's the one that I do. And I love that pays the best. He'll be the best people. But no, check that out, man, to be in my tour and all over the place

and to be home is amazing. So come out to Gotham, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, then I think October, yeah, what is that? Yeah. So October 10th through the 12th, I will be at the funny bone in Syracuse. That's a shit hole, man. Yeah. Syracuse fucking brutal. That's a total. Come out. You're sick to that one. Please come out. I mean, honestly, those are the places that you need to buy the tickets just to prove that there's human beings living. No, no, no, like the fan, that's the thing like the comedy fans that come out are actually better there because they want a fadane. Yeah. Yeah. They fucking need it. Yeah, get off Marshall Street and go to the goddamn comedy club. Yeah. Yeah. And then November, I got dates at the punchline in Atlanta and also the Houston improv, which I'm hearing is, is incredible. So yeah, I heard, I heard a lot of

great stuff about that club. But for all dates, you could go to Paulversy.com, doing the new hour, nothing from the special guys. Come out to Gotham this week and check out the Versi Effect podcast and you could follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Paul Versi. I also want to thank my dear friend, one of my good, one of my closest friends, Bobby Kelly, for having me do this. Love that dude. One of my favorites, one of the funniest, this podcast is amazing. And I want to say this, thank everybody on YKWD who comes out to my shows because every city I go to, every fucking city I go to from whether it's Arizona to here and all, but wherever. Someone's like, I love you on YKWD. I love when you and Bobby are together. And I thank you guys for listening to me here and for Bobby, forgive me that platform because

he's the best. He's been great to me and all you guys have to. So thank you. You guys were awesome. Right back at it, man, let's go. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Thank you.