Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - The Regz ep #04 | Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List | Zombie Chimps

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder join forces and talk about Joe's new baby, who has the cutest baby picture, Capitol Grill vs. Del Frisco's, opening for Nate Bargatze and so much m...ore. Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast robertkellylive.com https://www.instagram.com/robertkelly... Luis J. Gomez luisofskanks.com https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder dansoder.com https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ SPONSORS Sheath Underwear https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ promo code: Regz for 20% off My Bookie https://mybookie.website/TheRegz promo code: REGZ for up to $200 cash bonus Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to the gas. Determine. Let's start. What is that? Murder up. What's up everybody? It's the regs. We're back. No, no, we don't die. Yes, we more to apply.
Starting point is 00:00:52 Fucking gay. And now they are gay. Well, that's why we're wearing the same color sweatshirt because we fucked it and then we were saying, wow, that was good. This does not have one pump of sugar for vanilla. Hi, such a nice one. And then we. It's gonna put it out there. This does not have a pump or sugar free vanilla. Hi, such a. And then we're gonna put it out there. It doesn't have what?
Starting point is 00:01:07 Does not have one pump of sugar free vanilla. Danny. My beverage is perfect. Danny. This is why I B.Y.O.B. Mine's perfect too. Yeah, perfect beverage. Thank you, Danny.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Thank you, Danny. Thank you, spider. You guys are fucked when he decides to poison everybody. One PSF V. Yeah, one pump. The pump don't work because the vandals took the handles. You know what I mean, boys? All right, boys.
Starting point is 00:01:31 What's up? Great to see you. Well, this this podcast is kind of blowing up huge. It's huge. It's huge. Huge. Rich blog. We should definitely do this 10 years ago.
Starting point is 00:01:43 We did. Yeah, we did. We did it consistently 10 years ago. I wish you guys never left. We didn't leave. You started doing it at night. That's the fun. You started it at night.
Starting point is 00:01:51 That is the truth. You moved it to Monday night. And then you started to invite everybody like Mike Cannon. You invited other people that we weren't as fat as a blonde bitch. Let me ask one point. We tried to book it. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:02:01 Remember, there's a fat blonde bitch on the show for a while. He would just show up and he'd be like, Yeah, this is Chris, he makes stuff. Yeah, and then you just sit next to him and be like, I Chris. At one point I looked at him and I looked out at the table and I was like, am I Mike Cannon? Is that where I met in my life and I had to move on? No, we all love doing the show.
Starting point is 00:02:19 We love coming here, walking up these stairs, sure, hit with the memory of like joy. This is a joyful place to be. Great time. The issue was the podcast moved to Monday nights. And I actually think you wanted to spread it around a little. Spread what around? You're the love.
Starting point is 00:02:33 You started to guess. You started to think you were gonna do it. I did not, I did not know. There's two sides to every story you fucking asshole. I said I think, don't come hot. Don't come hot. I said I think. I'm coming hot a little.
Starting point is 00:02:43 You're right. I'll bring it down. But the nice thing is und I go to the board. The knife mentored. Here's the thing. Can I say something? I had a kid. Okay, and I moved, and I moved it to night
Starting point is 00:02:54 because it was easier for me. But I standable. Hang on, hang on. You guys, like all three of you guys had nothing. And then all of a sudden, you had a show. Then you started doing stuff show then you started doing stuff Then you started doing stuff You guys had other things you started doing and you couldn't hang on you couldn't you couldn't top 100 on last comic standing my friend
Starting point is 00:03:18 At the at the beginning of it you get away from me at the beginning of it At the beginning of it, you get away from me. At the beginning of it, you guys started getting stuff. And you started, I can't make it, you couldn't make it, he couldn't make it, then you. Baby, baby, baby, guy code was in full production. Exactly. Breaking guy code. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:03:37 And just so you know, I was on season one episode two of GuyCode, I want to put that out there. You were, I didn't even show up until season three. And also, I want to also add. What's GuyCode? There's an MTV two shows. It's huge. It's a car insurance company.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Shultz blew up. Everybody blew up. Everybody blew up. Dan was there. I was there. He Davidson, a little ball. Christie has blown up three times in his career. And like, simmer down.
Starting point is 00:03:58 It's happened so many times. But I also want to say back to the. Stop. Who's there? He really is like a pot of soup. Back to the discussion, not argument discussion. When he was also wasn't a moment, what is it? When he grew on your beard back, as soon as I can,
Starting point is 00:04:15 it was for a film role. I'm sorry. Really bad. Isabel Hagen's film, have you heard of it? Is it a documentary on Don Nots? Come on. That was good. The reference is a little old.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Don Nots is not old for you. That was good. The reference is a little old. Don Nott's is not old for you. We got a little thing here called the podcast. There you go. Fuck it. I don't know what that is. That's Don Nott's. But also let's be, let's call,
Starting point is 00:04:36 let's be a jizz of you, or whatever you say, whatever the thing is. I said you know. I know. I love him. Anyways. Are you on Israel side? Yes. Of course we are. Are you on Israel side? Yes.
Starting point is 00:04:45 You are. Of course we are. Are we? Yes, we are. They're all dirty. In my mind, I don't give a shit if they're from Israel or from the fucking little mosque. That's wrong with you.
Starting point is 00:04:54 A little bit of a little bit of a lie. The USA. Jesus Christ. USA. I mean, he's got it. Jesus Christ. USA. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Fuck off. But you did not present it then as, hey, why don't you all come in every week and that'll be the show Yeah, if you would have said Bob this is sure this on you Bob hung on this is true If we would have said if you would have said to us 10 years ago Let's just make this the show. Yeah, we equal partners in it. This is on you. Yeah, listen We would have all this is I'm gonna say something now We had nothing going on and at that time we would have all loved it, but you were a greedy fuck. Reedy. I know. That's why you're on the side. That was a good
Starting point is 00:05:33 jubbi. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right good. But anyways, we're all here now. Here now is the only time that matters. Which, which, I think is better. Too late. I think it's better now. We're hitting. I think it's better now. We're huge.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Oh, by the way, I think I got money coming for you guys. I would like that very much. I mean, where is the money coming from? What do you mean? I pay from your cradle. Why do you say think? Wait, we're supposed to get money from mint. We're supposed to get money from she's oh Yeah, what's up with mint the mint money is the one that I'm talking about the she thought it were the the spot
Starting point is 00:06:12 Do you guys not for you guys do podcast? Podcast Why do you touch me You know that podcast advertising money doesn't come in for at least good boy cuz boy still waiting on his from Yes, my ads what ads name one None I could I can I know about that we can remember about that. Absolutely was had no ads. Yes, there was a hundred We did ad reads no ad show. Yes, we get ads. I remember them what name one we do in the middle of name Sherries berries. I never share what is a sherry's back?
Starting point is 00:06:51 What is that? What is that? Oh? There was a sherry's bear I'm trying to find a clip exactly what you you definitely made us do reads you didn't do read 100% you minutes to read all right well, I didn't get money for it Was all you did free reads? Yeah, free reads. You did the worst. Can we talk about? I never had read.
Starting point is 00:07:08 Yes, there's worries. Can we talk about Joe being a father instead of reiterating the fact that he's done this podcast? I am. You all father. His name is Luke. Did you cut the embellical cord? No, they didn't give me an embellical cord option.
Starting point is 00:07:19 They just snapped it right in front, but it was quite a scene. Did you have a, did it come out of the vagina or out of the stomach? Out of the stomach and I looked into the hole. Oh, you got to see a section. Yes, she looked right in there. She couldn't handle fucking, you put a note in there that she can find in a couple of years. No, we got her less because she didn't deliver your baby naturally.
Starting point is 00:07:36 No, we tried that. It was taking a long time. Our doctor's shift was ending, so they just went in there and not a lazy doctor. Did you, you know what? I got an eight o'clock dinner? I got a tea time tomorrow. We just better reservation for the capital grill. How about we pop the kid out the sunroof for Del Frisco's guy? Yeah, did you I'm gonna deal frisco I love girls way better than Del Frisco's you're out of your
Starting point is 00:07:58 Your I gotta say something out of your mind. I think he's right. Yeah, Del Frisco's is dropped Del Frisco's is like drop by the way like Bruce Chris. Yeah, trashy should they got new management No, if you're a black woman on her 40th birthday, you're gonna Del Frisco No, we're gonna rip off sir, baby. I like Eddie V's Eddie V's Eddie V's Eddie V's Eddie V's better baby He's an awesome In Austin, Texas. No, they have a beer in there everywhere. Oh, it's so good. Can we wait Eddie V's is Eddie Vedders? No Yes, let's know listen Bobby Can we wait any visas any veterans? No, yes
Starting point is 00:08:28 What Bobby we could have had a whole thing fun Spoke Can I get the vitality I just want to say real quick if governments up in cherry pie and every fucking if it has new one if it's dropped I'm unaware of it. But five, six years ago, DelphiRisk goes way better than Capital. I've been twice, they got new management. They got all the cool shit off the menu. How they did? It's bad.
Starting point is 00:08:52 These stuff are cool. And when you order something, it never comes out. Like if you order medium, you got to send it back. It's raw. Call it. Call it, they cook it. I want to hear, we can't ask them because they're, what?
Starting point is 00:09:02 Retards. They don't know. They can't go to stake houses these folks Is it will imagine a question is capital grill? Trash or is it nice trash? No, it's trash. It's not it's not frisco's is no frisco's is here Capital grill is under here, but now that don't frisco's died Capital grill first of all it's a fucking expensive meal every time one last night At there's never a time where I go in it's not a wild amount of money
Starting point is 00:09:24 Is it any cheaper than a fucking it could it's a fucking expensive meal every time. One last night, at this never a time where I go in a tiny wild amount of money, is it any cheaper than a fucking, it could be a chain, but is it, hold on, I'm getting to something. Have you been to Del Frisco's? I've never been to Del Frisco's. You are. Wow. You've never been, it fucking is killing.
Starting point is 00:09:35 It's unbelievable. I've been a Ruth Chris. I've been to, uh, Ruth Chris. Del Frisco's is way better than Ruth Chris. Ruth Chris is in every town. Del Frisco's is like, I'd say, what the best dessert in any restaurant, the butter cake at Del Frisco's. It's fucking
Starting point is 00:09:49 raw. That was just a, that was just a tray of butter. Yeah. You go, sir, you're not, you know what? Let me eat it. Bobby had a candle in it. Other way, there's going to stop him. I've, I've waited on it before. Guys, the butter at Del Frisco is like, it's like whipped butter, it's like cake. It comes back, yes. What is this?
Starting point is 00:10:10 In the lady goes, cake? Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. It's unbelievable. It's just so good. It's just smooth and melting in mouth. I want to see who has better reviews.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Capital grill of Del Frisco's, because I think you guys are way off. I'm telling you, Del Frisco's fell off. I've never been who has better reviews. Capitol grill of Del Frisco's, because I think you guys are way off. I'm telling you, Del Frisco's fell off. I've never been to Del Frisco. We go, the comedy seller, Nome takes us all out to the dinner, like every six months. We always do Del Frisco's.
Starting point is 00:10:33 For 15 years, we've done, we changed it. We stopped going. He, we went to, what's that, no, no boo, last time, because Del Frisco's no boo. It's off. But the, the lemon cake, I, you know because Delphi's Oh, no boo. It's off. But the, the, the lemon cake. Oh, you know, I can all be fucking
Starting point is 00:10:48 Yes, I be. Look at that. A thousand one stars. Oof, that's not good. From who? Which, which restaurant was that? A thousand one stars for Delphi's go? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:56 How many five stars? How many, how many one stars? Not a thousand. I just said it, but I know it was going to go back. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's doing alright. Yeah, look at all those five stuff. I'm telling you, it stinks.
Starting point is 00:11:07 Go to the one star, read it. Ambiance stunning, service, exceptional, food, zilisio, so, service is not safe. Go on, Ambiance of a fucking chain, reposting time. Someone find Tom E and Rip his cock off, please. Go to the strip.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Read a one star. What does it say? There's two touristy lots of young we had a touristy is ridiculous we had a nine p.m. reservation for my husband's birthday tonight upon walking into two hostesses were unwelcoming you keep changing why are you doing it who is that I'm trying to read Mona T. What is that stop yelling mo go to Mona T's thing I was in the middle of reading Mona T's dude he's stupid. Go down dumbass. Go down. I on me.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Monatese leave it there. There you go. We asked to sit upstairs. Stop touching it. Since it was noticeably quieter and more private for a birthday dinner. They said upstairs is closed and offered a booth downstairs, which sounds reasonable. That was literally centered around everyone in the restaurant. So pause it right now. As a right now this person's a con. They wanted to go to a closed section of the restaurant where there's nobody working and they said, well, no, it's not over.
Starting point is 00:12:09 They claimed upstairs was closed, but there was plenty of people merrily sitting up there. They're merrily up there. Merrily, and they were taking reservations till the end. Yeah, this is an asshole. So we're going down, this is an asshole.
Starting point is 00:12:19 This is an asshole. Scroll down. And the other one called it touristy, which is just absurd. I want to wake up from this nightmare and to be told this I didn't go to a restaurant this chef raped me on my table and better say that It was an enemy for my childhood that I'd take it over the restaurant and turn it into a roast I didn't really really I didn't really go to a restaurant based on a 4.5 Google review and had one of the absolute worst dining experiences of my life
Starting point is 00:12:46 I don't know how the this people sleep at night knowing the food that they're serving for those prices Lamb chops were $80 were the lamb chops for $80 were the most disgusting pieces of meat that I've had in my life Food was terrible Disgusting psycho the server bartender was bossy inpatient and rude Yeah, you're eating at the bar. Well, inpatient is not the word is impatient not an inpatient Inpatient is that what she wrote you're inpatient jussie wrote the Ross dinner Over 31 years, I really spent $200 on the Ross I seriously feel rubbed Yeah, I can't really I can't I can't really this is a joke right?
Starting point is 00:13:24 Yeah, I can't really I can't I can't really this is a joke right? Yeah, that's got me to go. That's Joe list. That's the way I write. I understood everything she said Yeah, we should have Bobby translet I've read I've read Ross. I've written Ross. Let's go down to Nicholas B and as Asbury I actually think a three star review you probably get a more realistically bad Reveal so sad to see such a classy establishment let people walk in without proper it. I'm gonna push back on that I wore a hoodie to the one in Philadelphia and they're like you can't wear a hoodie in here Outside right now hoodie and they're like you can't do that capital girl. They say nothing. I walk in I'll walk in with a pair of fucking basketball Clearly won the argument. Yeah, I'm sorry to think maybe they would like to wear a hoodie They let me in just in general. I like Capitol Grill better.
Starting point is 00:14:05 And Capitol Grill has seafood too. Really good seafood. Don't forget to go to that seafood. Yeah, but it's fucking good. It's like one piece of fish in one way. You know what, you're gonna be a real piece of trash so I try to trick James because James, his favorite restaurant, Capitol Grill.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Ask him, where do you love? It's like Capitol Grill Dad. Let's go. What does he love that Capitol Grill? Usually we get like four or five appetizers and then we split a steak. That's fun as hell. Right, so we'll get like, we'll be a last night.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Abs with one name. Lewis knows how to order. By the way, Lewis knows how to order. Lewis, he took a. He took James out for the birthday and me and Max went. Oh, it's capital grill, yeah. And I'm very particular when I go to a fancy restaurant and I was like, ah, fuck, I hope this doesn't suck.
Starting point is 00:14:44 And I think I was fat at the time too. And I wanted food and Lewis get to everything. I said guys, just chill. Step back. I fucking got you. You picked your main course and I got it. So last night we had oysters. Great.
Starting point is 00:14:57 You start, let me some oysters. Afridese, actually, lady. James all horned up. Oh no, no, no. Oh, James, the lady. James, stop wiggling in your seat. You've had too many oysters. Oh, James. The lady. James stop wiggling in your seat and have too many oysters. Just joking.
Starting point is 00:15:09 James is shirtless. James, you're getting super into the music. He's playing. Fred Kalamar. Kalamari. Love. Probably Kalamar. Oh, that.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Yeah. Oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, yeah, the cheese This is so low with the like Almost regatta mozzarella mix. Let him rot out. Let him rot a barada. Love a barada Barada, extra bread. What with tomatoes or roast the potatoes and roasted peps Oh, and they're both like both Was the other appetizers sounds like Jim Gaffigan's set list. Hello folks Don't let him catch you saying that he's oh we got the bacon fuck your shit. I'll shit. He'll probably he'll grab you by the Jim dad the neck, but the show everyone knows he's the abominable snowman. Oh fuck your shit up here. Oh, I'm like kidding
Starting point is 00:15:57 He's my favorite. I'll punch you right in your not chin. He's gonna talk in that other voice And that's how you know he's about to get violent. He goes, you know, I don't really like when you talk like that. You know, you make me real mad. I told you one of my, this guy wants to fight you. Oh, it looks like that's his alter. He goes, Oh, this guy's, you're gonna have to shove your foot up his ass, Jim. This guy wants to take your children from you. No, I don't want to do that. I love Jail. You're gonna let him person. You're gonna let him walk all over you. I don't want to do that. I love Jellies. You're gonna let him walk all over you. I don't think I'm Jason. Guys, another comedian is a funny comic.
Starting point is 00:16:30 You're letting him show your weakness. You better stop his ass out. I don't know about that. You better cook him like a hot pocket gym. You better box this motherfucker up, Jim. He better put him in a token container. It's always food valedine you better reheat these
Starting point is 00:16:48 things this baby for you I don't know came in a little under cook Jim I was trying to put him on the stove I don't know I was sitting next to gaffing one time at the stand years ago the old stand and I was a comic on stage I don't even remember who yeah so don't even ask but you went Joe remembers it when sit next to each other
Starting point is 00:17:06 You remember he won't represent some ever see I don't know We all know he and me I promise swear to God I don't and after the show you're gonna say who was it? I'm gonna say I'd lit a generally don't know But he was sitting like this and I'm next to him He's doing like the comics over here, and they looks at me Looks back at him and then looks at me and looks back at him And then looks at me and he goes, I'm sorry. I know we don't we're not that close, but Don't you think being mildly amusing should be a pre-wetch
Starting point is 00:17:34 I fucking got I know I know I know I Was like it was it was somebody that's not around anymore. Yeah, so you do know who it is No, no, it was like one of those people that's around and then they're not I can't remember them but it was awesome Chris Scopo fringe might have been scope No, it wasn't it wasn't one of us if you know what I mean, I'm sorry We were off on a gaffer going to get back to my other apps. Yeah, I don't know what the other app I I usually order like five or six. I like, I like really salads.
Starting point is 00:18:08 I'm going to Tar-Tar. You are a Tar-Tar. What a great name instead of retard-star calling people tar-tars. Must take Tar-Tar. We've got a real tuna Tar-Tar. This guy probably can't live on his own. I remember Halloween a few years ago. This one of me and Kim were together. We went to James' school had like a Halloween party. That's guy probably can't live on his own. Remember Halloween a few years ago, this one we came here together,
Starting point is 00:18:25 we went to James' school, had like a Halloween party. Argued out front for 30 minutes. No, but I brought out a lot of it. I was choking her out. She threw something, Lewis ducked rolled. I was drinking a latte and James was being in a pirate this year and I was his parent. I had a giant parrot card.
Starting point is 00:18:41 That's a good thing. So it was awesome. So it was like his big parrot. Yeah, and I put a prank on him too. I was like, I was James, I'm also gonna be a pirate, right? And he's like, cut. That's it. So it was like, you know, great. It was awesome. So it was like his, you know, big parrot. Yeah. And I put a prank on him too. I was like, I was James, I'm also going to be a pirate, right? And he's like, oh, that's cool.
Starting point is 00:18:49 Well, we'll be pirates. And then I went into the bathroom and I came out as a parrot. I was like, oh, you miss it or should me? I meant parrot. I thought he was going to thought it was the funniest thing in the world. And he was like, okay, that's weird. Because he's smart. He's a first year.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Then he was like, yeah, he's side. Got it. Oh, good one. I went to his, we went to like, it was a Halloween party in the other story. It was just crazy. Kids running all over and I'm wearing this hot ass fucking parrot costume and I'm holding a latte, dude. And you know me, I just, if I get worked up, whatever it is,
Starting point is 00:19:19 so I'll have an incident, dude. And I hadn't, I dropped the latte and it spilled everything. Wait, do you start calling your spas' incidents? Yeah, I was, I was, someone's going to therapy. I'm gonna pour days with that incident. And there it is, so I think there's a go. So then I dropped the latte and I was like, oh, Parker, there's no paper towel.
Starting point is 00:19:37 I'm like looking for paper towels and I'm just huffin and puffin and grumpin and came like just slowly walked away from me to like, see a way. And there was other parents, She heard them talking shit. And they were just like all talking shit about me. And the one day I was like, yeah, check out two cans Sam over here. I'm like, aw, walking. That's the problem with Halloween parties.
Starting point is 00:19:56 As you forget, we talked about this years ago. We go out and just see couples fighting and they're dressed as like, you know, Fred and Wilma. Oh, yeah. The best. We saw there was two couples in New Orleans. I was dressed as an Injitorial. Kim was dressed as a Chiquita Banana. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:20:11 And there was two Ninja Turtles. It was a boyfriend and girlfriend fighting. And I was Rafael. It was Michael Angel and Donahel. Great. I got this on video. They were arguing. And I just went up to him.
Starting point is 00:20:21 I was like, guys, come on. What are we doing? That's great. That's fucking great. They were not doing it at all. They did. I thought I was gonna break the tent. Me too, or cracking up.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Just sort of crying, he started fucking like, what the hell was that? My favorite couple fights, it's coming up. Is Santa Con when it's in the city? You know everyone dresses up as Santa and it's black out drunk? You see a lot of couple fights at night. If you go out to do spots in the city,
Starting point is 00:20:43 you'll see people dresses like elves arguing with Santa. Just frying with puke. Oh, dude, everyone's puking. There's fight compilations the day after Santa Con every year because it's just drunken, satiates dressed up as Santa Claus and reindeer and they're all just beating each other on the street. I find alcohol makes you slightly unreasonable.
Starting point is 00:21:00 In general. Good take. My name. I like the new costume I saw this year where you know the costume just step in and your legs are the perfect. Good take. My name. I like the new costume I saw this year where you know the costume just step in and your legs of the person. Oh yeah. There was one where it was a kidnapper and the kid had it on and the kid.
Starting point is 00:21:13 It looked like the guy was just grabbing it. Oh no. It kept holding onto a pole. I saw the video you were talking about. Yeah. It was an alien. I was an alien. He had a kid and he was like, they're taking me and he kept doing the thing like you're
Starting point is 00:21:22 trying to grab on. It's very funny. Those things are great where you get in and it's like your legs, but a different body I thought you literally meant like a Hamas kidnap her and I was like that's It's hard, you know guys. There's two sides every story No, there's not The other side Lewis doesn't want to think Israel is exactly as innocent as you guys are fucking pretending that they are I think the Jews are
Starting point is 00:21:44 The common denominator in every war on history, but anyway, go ahead run on and I talked Exactly as innocent as you guys are fucking pretending that they are I think the Jews are Every war on history, but anyway, go ahead run on and I talked I alluded to this on our podcast I'm still getting what what it's just such a big subject that you're like Nothing about it. I'm saying don't pick Israel because you know nothing about it Dan said I'm not picking the Palestinians because I don't know nothing about it I think that they're both probably psychotic religious people who believe in sky gods and kill each other for it. That's crazy. You sound crazy. Saddle down. No, that's a crazy way to be.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Don't have an incident. Are there other gods, Sky Gods ocean God? There's like Prometheus. Who? Who? If he is. What? That was a movie. That was a sci-fi movie to lead off Ocean guy It's pre-fall the alien
Starting point is 00:22:29 Knock it up me like the Greek gods. Yeah, yeah, I'm an ocean guy. Yeah, Neptune Neptune zoom we used to get either the Prometheus know what is um the little mermaid's dad's name Poseidon that What Jesus? Oh, are they allowed to say what the new movie you didn't see he's black in the new one Is he yeah black little mermaid. Yes, black Poseidon does sound like a black dude's name You know Poseidon Jones Starting up Left tackle for Ohio State Poseidon Jackson
Starting point is 00:23:05 Starting at left tackle for Ohio State Poseidon Jackson. I'm Poseidon Jackson, the Ohio State University. But it's spelled P.O. Hyde inside. Hyphen in. You guys see Killers of the Flower Moon? Not yet. I'm very excited to see it. Is it great? It's been up for two weeks.
Starting point is 00:23:19 It's a shot of House Fagged. No, it's a De Niro Scorsese and DiCaprio movie. Haven't we seen that movie enough right? I mean how you supposed to speak? Scorsese then reality when they're in the same movie. Yeah, what's the other Decaperio movie? Yeah, yeah, the parted No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're all the same fucking movie, does it? He uses the same actors in every fucking movie. It's like enough.
Starting point is 00:23:49 You somebody else. I don't necessarily. Bobby wanted the part. Of what? The moon. The moon. Ah. I'm happy.
Starting point is 00:24:00 Clip it. Clip it. No. I was hanging out for a while. You guys are all gonna swing a Clip it now I'm I'm it's layers of the flower and it's in it's it's it's it's it's 20 minutes pretentious horseship I bet anything over two hours is for fucking No, it's called it's called a piece of art. Come on Mike don't for me saying no
Starting point is 00:24:23 No, you whispered to the idiot. Joe's not a whisper's work. Hey, it got quieter. My voice got lower, so it's... Hey, someone's putting off my mic. Who's cutting off my mic's dot-os? Hey, stop turning up the volume on my mic. Guys, why is this happening?
Starting point is 00:24:37 Someone's muting me. I'm being shadow-banned. I'm being shadow-banned. Did you guys mute me while I took a sip of my coffee You can't silence me while I drink Was it good? I loved it of course you did yeah, it's fun cuz you're a fucking feet. You're like a movie now No, he's the smartest one out of all of all of us. I promise you I have a higher IQ no But I can still my cinema IQ that's not a real thing. Jolus or of course it is of course Cinema IQ. Jolus is the smartest person in the fuck. I've been fine. We got a better cinema
Starting point is 00:25:10 But I think you four of us like I was on your side. Yeah Fucking dirty Puerto Rican. Whoa Come down fucking Israel. We call them island Hamas now I I am definitely smarter than Joe. No, you're not. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Can I tell you the rank?
Starting point is 00:25:30 Can I say why though? Can I say why? Sure. Can I say why? Yeah, go ahead. You want to do the ranking of intelligence? If you put yourself in the middle, I'll fucking slap you.
Starting point is 00:25:38 No, it's easy. It goes, Joe, me, Louis, you. You think I'm... First of all, if I'm the dumbest one... You're the dumbest one You got me dumbest dumbest I mean I think I think you just Rumbus my eyes are gonna hurt dumbest me I think he's I'm not the dumbest I'm not I'm not just the B and dumbest dumb so The dumb best I'm the dumb best I'm the best of the dumb I think Lewis might have the highest IQ. I might actually have the high
Starting point is 00:26:07 Seriously, I actually think high say survival IQ absolutely. These aren't none of these are real things. I think it's I think it's me I cue and that's it. You can't just throw another word I think it's I think it's Lewis me and it's fucking Joe and then Dan call me the dumb. Yes I'm the only one in here was a college degree Yeah, but you know nothing with it. That's why you dumb. Yeah dumbass. Yeah, you think that Still a debt He's realizing a dummy is hanging all off. Yeah stupid ass stupid We're about to get just relieve college that dummy. I'm the only one that is zero post high school education. Ziltz. He's right. Ziltz.
Starting point is 00:26:45 That makes me the smartest. You might be the smartest. Ziltz. Also, what could be Ziltz? Damn it, I am the dumbest. Yeah, we're sitting right next to you and we did nothing. Damn it, I am the dumbest. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:55 No one's educated. But what about that piece of paper on my mom's wall? I burn it. Fuck you, U of A. I did a year and a half of college after high school. What's embarrassing? I did too. Do you get an associate? Two classes away, English, basic English and basic math. Can you go back to school? I found the love of comedy.
Starting point is 00:27:13 Can you go back and get it? I can. Like an older woman that I can't. I think I can. Can you? It's fine arts. It's not an, it's associates and fine arts. I could be an art teacher. I did like a boys and girls club. God, that'd be awesome. I could be a not teacher. I don't like a boys and girls club guy That'd be honest I might have to do it. Yeah, let's go back to school Yeah, I'm this better. What is that? That'd be a great show that a fall form is back to school I got a trade I feel get a second degree I get kicked out for a raping girl to week two Whoa, but then you but you're also you get kicked out of school, but also into a frat for yeah
Starting point is 00:27:44 But what is IQ exactly? We all use IQ as the thing of smartest But does anyone know what IQ really is? Yes, I legitimately don't know it's called it stands for intercontinental championship That's not I see The Oh, there we go I'll read it since no one else is fucking reading I Q is a type of Dan Dard.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Dan? Yeah, you bet. This morning specifically, but very aggressive and mean. It's afternoon, dummy. Oh, dude, you are not the smartest. He had a baby. Guys, the time of day.
Starting point is 00:28:21 Dan, Dan, he had a baby this week. And we all know me, Lewis. We know what that's like you get a little edgy Sure a little hour life IQ is substantially higher than we understand love love in life Yeah, he picks up shit to poop. I shit to what ever do you have? She's a terrier. All right same thing. She's a snuggle bug Terrier. All right, same thing. She's a snuggle bug. 60 pounds. That's a big dog. Dan has no responsibility. Right. Just said I have a dog. It's not a responsibility. Do you? Yeah. Let me just let it go. Let me just fucking know you could
Starting point is 00:28:56 and nobody would let me taste something. Somebody who could find it. You could love that next. You could let it go. And nobody would fucking nobody would say anything to you. I was driving on the street. You can't do that with a kid. Seriously, like later night. Right. I made the right choice.
Starting point is 00:29:08 And I saw a dog like just a fucking big dog. It was like running down the highway alone. And I was like, fuck dude, this dog's gonna get killed. Yeah. And then I started I tried to get the dog. And I was like, and in my mind, I was like, dude, this is gonna become my dog. Like I'm gonna rescue this dog.
Starting point is 00:29:22 Which that is how most of the time that goes. It's gonna jump in the car.ote I hope those little buddy it's a fucking 15 of them come out of the woods James James comes out he's the new dog in the garage bit me yeah yeah Lewis Lewis fights it with little nips that he smashes in his fists yeah I love that movie that movie. Yeah, that's so funny. I'm gonna go out and feed the dog. That's gonna break the small bottles. By the way, what a film, cunt, whatever the fuck, love that film,
Starting point is 00:29:54 because I said that movie twice. Liam Neeson, the gray. That was a gray movie rule. That was a good movie, wasn't it? Yeah, it didn't see it. That's fun. Didn't see it. It made you the smartest.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Because you've been smart, but you're calling me a film cut. What I mean, he called you a film cut. Yeah, you did. But I like Liam Neesor. I like. I'm pretty good at this. It's a, it's the bitchiest of all the dinosaurs. It's always on its period. Yeah, I've seen it.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Yeah, knowing film is not a, it's not a quality. I fucking like. Yeah. What's your favorite movie of all time? I bet it's not a quality. I fucking like yeah, what's your favorite movie? Of all time I bet it's gonna be stupid It would be sometimes gonna be like churrentious horse He's gonna be like shit ever seen on the waterfront. Yeah, do you pick a fun movie like we all do dude? Yeah, good fill is you dummy good. It is is your favorite course
Starting point is 00:30:39 Awesome that by the way, this is something I take a lot of pride in I get called a film cut snob also that by the way this is at some i take a lot of pride in i get called a film cut snob ass all and i get called to forget and i get called a fucking retard who doesn't know art doesn't understand art which is the way you want to be right smack in the middle i also called a left-wing liberal cock retard and an alt-right that's where you want to be so i'm very proud of those things and what you think nobody like you
Starting point is 00:31:02 all that you're that's your point nobody like you're No, but I agree I suck nobody that does it Tell me like that I will say what's your favorite movie bookie nights It's a good fellow's rip off Okay, it's not a great movie. Okay, it's fine. I don't give a flying you know what's not great What do you do one of you? All right, I don't get angry. I like you know, it's not a great movie I watch it again recently. Oh, this is gonna be a bad take. I know it the godfather Star Wars Below
Starting point is 00:31:30 Oh, yeah, blow it blow was Oh, blow I think said below blow blue what you say I think so generic to say but I think Shawshank redemption I mean the fuck was that Joe what about you? Well, it's just asshank Redemption. I mean, what the fuck was that, Joe? What about you? Well, it just as hack as good, fellas. It's just fucking, I'm gonna go across the table and smack Joe.
Starting point is 00:31:53 It is new dad mouth. Good luck. Yeah. Truro Manz. Truro Manz, a fucking great film. One of the greatest scenes of all time. You just like, is it worth it? Tarantino wrote that scene. Huh Tarantina wrote that he wrote it and Tony Scott directed it. Who's fun I don't know. He killed himself. Yep great great move. Look Shawshank, you know, no
Starting point is 00:32:13 Shawshank rules. It's a classic. Buggie Knights rules all four of these movies fucking rule. Yeah, these are great movies. Buggie Knights. By the way all 90s movies. How about that 90s is the best era of all time. That's interesting. How do you say that's interesting? Well, it's just just that all four of us pick movies from the same day. I thought you talk about 90s, which are 70s and 90s or two best. They were comedy of all time. I don't know. I mean vacation, vacation, naked guy. Dumb and dumb are dumb and dumb are those are the five for me. For me, you got
Starting point is 00:32:43 Christmas vacation is more like a like a Chris, not funny. It's the, yeah, it's incredible. It's incredible. Out of your most hilarious. Give me eight laugh out loud moments. Oh, yellow months. Why? It gets the keeps on giving.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Shitters full. You can just go cut the head. Like, the funny, the cut's loud was when the cops break in. I know this is like a subtle thing that people don't even talk about. They're all like party and because the bosses are gonna give them the raise. Yeah, they're gonna give them the bonus anyway.
Starting point is 00:33:10 So they're all like just celebrating and the cops break in. They're like, everyone frees. And the wife Beverly is holding Clark's dick and when they frowns. And the sound when she puts it back on his dick and she shakes hands with the wife, but it's amazing. That's like the 70s that joke in the movie.
Starting point is 00:33:26 You don't even notice that. Until you're an adult, you don't even really notice it. It's fucking great. I think Napoleon Dynamite, funny movie. Very funny, right? You thought it was about ice cream. That's why you went to it. What?
Starting point is 00:33:35 I don't even get it. Because he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, Now I don't even max left You left is it was so bad. I Know Chris is a unbelievable when he goes to hit spin the little thing and it just falls into pieces It's amazing him trying to put it. It's amazing. I like McGruber. Yes McGruber was a fucking great move. McGruber makes me laugh. I mean so hard underrated Underrated movie comedy movie of all time makes me laugh so I grew up it no Is this a pause? Yes, oh, I got a camera my Most underrated movie comedy movie of all time makes me laugh. Look, Robert. No. Is this a pause? Yes. Oh, I got somebody just needed me. I got a camera. My Most underrated comedy movie of all time.
Starting point is 00:34:13 What card did we cock? Oh my God. I love it. I love it. I can't smell. I can't smell. So it's my movie. I do it. I have never seen it. Oh my God. It's never seen. It's the best. I'll watch it tonight with you. It's the best parody of a Biographer movie. It's yeah, it's dude. It's slapstick It's so you know it's another underrated movie that no one talks about and I've been bringing this up as much as I can the other guys Yeah, I just want to do it. It's funny. I would like about it in Nate's green road. Yeah, I would say you That's the one marquee mark right where? Radio city. Oh, isn't it? Is that the one marquee mark? Yeah, with Where? Radio City? Is that the one, Marky Mark?
Starting point is 00:34:45 Yeah, with Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg. It's a funny movie. It's Adam McKay. I love that the rock and Sam Jackson die at the beginning. It's great. Now here's an outside. The box. If I supposed to go to Radio City, am I an asshole for not support? No, I was out of town. Did you go to SNL? No. You're going to Radio City or SNL? Well, I thought going to SNL would be like, it seemed like a seemed like a desperate move big Nick could I get tickets for the SNL I was talking why he's just friends he's the Godfather of your what are you talking about it's weird no it's not I'm gonna ask him for it yes he wanted me to be there he would have said hey do come to SNL he's not doing that this is actually it was actually showed you how close you were if you went to the
Starting point is 00:35:20 tape no I texted him and I'm no congratulations and he gave it a thumbs up. Oh boy. That's a tick move. Congratulations, Nick goes, oh buddy, I'll see. He gave an emoji. Who is this? He goes, new found, that's crazy. Live from New York. It's live from New York, who the fuck are you? No, you gave it a heart, not a thumbs up. Thumbs up is a passive aggressive thing that,
Starting point is 00:35:41 like, if you do a thumbs up, i take that as fuck your mother really i do all the time you want everything you said give me a thumbs up i dare you i i stay given thumbs up but don't you think also he probably was extremely overwhelmed with five thousand that's what it was so he's like going through to you know i'm not offended i'm like you know what it is i just you know what it was great you went i didn't change my life to go be a part of his thing. You went? Yeah, I went and watched him tape.
Starting point is 00:36:07 Did you ask for tickets to the giveaway? No, I asked it. You call them up and say, can I go? I go, I want to watch you, I want to go to the tape. And he said, okay, I got you. Yeah. I sat there and watched it. It was fucking awesome.
Starting point is 00:36:17 Wow. It was really cool. I've never been to an SNL taping before. I went to once. It was good too. It was really cool. I thought it was uncomfortable. Really?
Starting point is 00:36:24 I don't know, just standing. So thought it was uncomfortable really? I know just standing So whoever you standing I was standing on the side. Oh, no, I sat in the crowd I gotta see what you sneak in no, oh you pull in ropes Yeah, Nate really wants me to be his friend. He should give me one million dollars right now This is nothing to it means nothing. He is a house. That's literally for his podcast equipment is to house Just another house. He has two houses on the same block. You should have one is for his podcast equipment. Remember when you convinced me not to go with Nick?
Starting point is 00:36:49 You fat cunt. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I don't know when cleaned up. Oh my god. Lewis right now I'd be like, you guys ever noticed when you go to get butter?
Starting point is 00:36:59 And then you think it's cake? Anyways, you've got an incredible arena. Can I? Thank you all 30,000 of you. Wow. Gentlemen, real quick, let's take a moment and thank mybookie.ag for being a supporter of this show. We love my bookie.
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Starting point is 00:37:29 I love it, I use it all the time. NFL is back college balls here, and they have a brand new cashout system that gives you options to bet, and when all season long, I like betting on the fights. I mean, let me tell you something, dude. If you would have bet on Angano taking fury of the distance,
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Starting point is 00:38:04 only with my bookie. All right, where were we? Can I say an outside the box back to underrated comedies? This is gonna be an outside the box pick. Please. Dan's gonna support me because he's nice You guys gonna shit all over Why you say that? Why are you gonna be negative? Because I know you guys I know you know, no, I'll probably I'll probably Know I know you know you know me, but I want to be on your side I just really I just really appreciate you call me nice. What am I underrated comedy because you're gonna say it's not underrated Let's say but I'm gonna make a case that is underrated. What is the was gonna do again? Underrated comedy
Starting point is 00:38:41 Borat Nobody Borette. Borette. Borette. Nobody. I think it's rated. Nobody ever says, oh my god. When people say their favorite comedy, no one says Borette, that movie is so fucking funny. It's funny. Genuine chocolate face, no makeup.
Starting point is 00:38:57 I, uh, yeah. I mean, there are the ones. That's one of the funniest lines of all time. It is, it is a lot of fun. It's crazy how funny it is. It's a fun movie. Why would you think we would think that's the wall? It's not a real movie. People are going to say it's not over it. It is life outland funny. It's crazy. How funny it is. It's a fun movie. Why would you think we would think that it's not a real movie? People are going to say it's not over it. It's not a real movie. So for me, a mockument literally doesn't
Starting point is 00:39:12 make any sense. It's a mockumentary. And mockumentaries, which is a real movie. Spine? Spine? Spinal tab doesn't use people that aren't in on it. Everyone that's final tap is in on it. It's like a TV show and for the form of a movie. I just it's chess. I understand the reason why is it a song? Fuck this. It's a painting. He said it's chess.
Starting point is 00:39:36 What is it? What? Fuck you. It's a vibe. The world. The 4 out of 5. It's not a move. What's the political group? The movie. It's a 4. by the wheel is a by it's not a
Starting point is 00:39:45 what's the political group the movie it's a board the c-my borat is the new car the c-my point
Starting point is 00:39:55 though it's its own universe it's so good people don't even skip over it and it's not whatever says borat is one of the funniest movies because I understand what
Starting point is 00:40:06 he's saying though. It's not a typical scripted movie that they wrote jokes and people act about it. It's hard for me to put it in the same category. That's why it's, I think we're agreeing. That's why it's underrated. I think we actually are making a similar point. Sure. Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:21 People don't talk about it like it's one of the funny movies when it is one of the funny movies. But just like, whatever bad grandpa with fucking, or road trip with Eric Andre was, yeah, they were all great, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, pair that to like, you know, fucking national ampune's Christmas vacation. It's hard to like put them in the same category.
Starting point is 00:40:38 Yeah, like airplane, they sat down and wrote those jokes. Fucking boo. Yeah, they, they had, excuse me, and they, they pranked you. I'm sorry. I said, Oh, to the movie airplane. Airplanes in general, they don't he doesn't fit it.
Starting point is 00:40:51 I fit now stupid. He hates. He gets mine. Yeah, the name of the movie should have been we were ran out of second seat belts. And now you got to feel bad. I fuck you big head. Did you call it? I don't think it's a travel.
Starting point is 00:41:05 I mean, it's funny at the time, but it's silly. There's a couple funny things in it, but it's not a dark. No. Naked, do you not like naked guns? Nope. No, naked gun rules.
Starting point is 00:41:15 Oh, they fall down the stupid stairs. It's so funny. It's what. No, naked gun. Naked gun has some of my favorite jokes. Name one. The one where he's the umpire, and he starts calling strikes,
Starting point is 00:41:24 and he notices the crowd goes nuts nuts so he keeps getting fucking crazy Yeah, you're dead It wasn't even just was kind of funny no matter what he was a Dracula dead in loving it dude What? parody of the I didn't like any of those fucking movies. I didn't like any of them. I thought they were stupid Well, you're stupid. You're dumb. You're dumb.
Starting point is 00:41:46 Fuck you dumb dumb. Fuck you airplane rules. What are you doing? What? You got to watch? What's wrong? This is dawn. I'm gonna get your fucking, you're the dawn on your finger.
Starting point is 00:41:53 All right. I thought I said dude. The dawn. It does. Dude, I married the dude. Dude. Did you take the dude? I just don't like the movies.
Starting point is 00:42:01 I think they, I mean, they're fine, but it's not laugh out loud. Did you take this woman to be your love letter, wife? I did I did I thought I thought my group was funnier But group is a funnier edgy. I like edgy That's like so dark. That's like silly shit. I like a little edge to it. I like a little you know sex and crazy shit Those silly had a whole joke about the pilot fucking boys in airplane. Yeah. Do you watch Gladiator that whole joke? That was about him wanting to fuck the little boy. Yeah, I didn't talk about fucking boys. I was talking about fucking females.
Starting point is 00:42:31 I thought you know that was edgy. I didn't know that was your thing. I didn't know you fucking boy humor was your thing. Can I say, dude, can I say in the 90s, gay wasn't edgy, gay was gay. Yeah, gay was gay back then. That's what I was working on the 90s, dude. Can I say this?
Starting point is 00:42:43 Kid fucking wasn't edgy back then. Well, it's in the 70s, so. Whatever. And it's always been edgy, because it's disgusting. Kid fucking was edgy, it's in the 70s. I get that in.
Starting point is 00:42:52 How do you know? You don't even have a kid. Oh yeah, you don't have a kid. You wouldn't know. Yeah, you don't even know the plight of what it's like to have to force yourself to not have sex with your entire life. Okay, that's the right kid.
Starting point is 00:43:00 That's the right kid. I can't and I accept that. The first two, three years, they didn't even got memories. You go, oh man, Jesus Christ, look. There's almost no downsides. Don't fucking triple down on it. I do love that Nate joke where he talks about taking his daughter to Disneyland and they're like, she's two, she doesn't remember because what do you want me to do is lock her to
Starting point is 00:43:18 cause it and every, wait, wait, do you remember that? No, okay. We get it, your friends would need. Yeah, it was great. We were just going to know. I hope it for me. Did you hear this story? No, I went to the radio city to see a Nate Excuse me, COVID and we're all hanging out. He's not joking. He does you have COVID. Yeah, I no longer have it I had it I just got my fucking needs test back negative I don't have it.
Starting point is 00:43:45 Look who's all afraid of COVID. Mr. Tough guy. Ooh. It doesn't it be no HIV for me, but baby. Yeah, that's pretty good. Flip that. That was fun. I think we got Lewis's new saying.
Starting point is 00:43:58 So I went. You're catchphrase. I went to radio city. Saw Nate. Can I call you? Yeah, let's send. I was around fucking Around
Starting point is 00:44:08 No, they're around you know what four of them. They're why do we have four producers if you're gonna go so they want to be here If you're gonna go get coffees, let me get a from Starbucks a medium a grande vanilla sweet cream cold brew Hey, hey give this back to me. Let's go last week You didn't give it back to this time tell them instead of not putting any sugar-free vanilla Just do one pump and then if they put in one pump and you go is that really one pump maybe put into Danny do you need my order again? Or do you want me to say? Come on Danny and I'll take a chocolate brownie. I'll text you I'll text you dog
Starting point is 00:44:40 Chocolate brownies all around no, I don't want to talk, I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, you know, Kaelin. I got a fight. Are you excited? I thought you fight. I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited to get it over with. Well, when this air is already done, when this air is this air is Tuesday, so this will be done.
Starting point is 00:44:58 So I think you want. Congratulations, Lewis. Whoa, whoa, whoa, the fights this weekend. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot that I'm going to be in Phoenix. It's stand up live, but dominating audience. It's okay, because first that I'm gonna be in Phoenix. It's stand-up live Dominating audience it's okay because first of all the paper starts at three o'clock Paper recharge at three. It'll be over by like eight at the latest. It's the rear was earlier there So you learn from noon to five just chill watch the fights real yeah, I'm gonna do that. I know you are
Starting point is 00:45:18 It's gonna be good. Where do I go or is it gonna be like? You were doing a comment doing it. if I can do a great job, I just gonna be comedy dot com. Uh, uh, Cornwall comments are calm to get the paper view. Well, make homies dude. I'm gonna tell you right now on Saturday. I'm gonna get high on my hotel room and watch comics. I'm gonna be at the Boston Garden. I'm gonna put it up in the, uh, in the, uh, the Jumbo Tron.
Starting point is 00:45:37 Yeah, put it in the, during the show. Fucking, I don't want to watch these fucking silly clowns. There's no fight. By the way, we can all agree. Go, broans. Yeah, broans are kicking ass. Hey, can we, uh, Lewis is going to win, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Yes. I love Tim, but I love Tim. I don't know Tim, but I can't. I love to be beating Lewis. I love Tim, but this is, this is, this is what Lewis has. This is the best shape he's ever been in. This is Lewis's pure focus. Is dominance. I feel good. We throw a joke in what we got throw a joke in somewhere. Is it boxing boxing? Yeah, oh
Starting point is 00:46:11 Well, I don't know that yeah, what do you think he's not gonna win boxing at Tim but at least a two-time Golden Gold champion? No, he's not he's a no he's a kung fu guy. No, you're not he's not a golden glove. Shamby middleweight Philadelphia golden gloves. No, he was not Go check it 1998. It was not was eight years ago. He was yeah, dude. He's fucking good He makes his stories really punches. I gotta go take my bet back. You guess that's how he punches How does loose how does loose punch Yeah Punch punch I be James every James. You want another I will be somebody? I had you on another coffee. Yeah, he's getting be James. You want another coffee? I will be somebody. Do you want another coffee?
Starting point is 00:46:45 Yeah, he's getting me one. No, they just asked. I remember when. I remember when. I lost my mom. What do you want to hear this story? I said that in my head. It was an old Patrice line that he said to you remember Romy Rome?
Starting point is 00:46:55 Yeah. Remember that comic, Romy Rome? No. He was around like maybe 15 years. He's probably still around. Black guy, like good looking blackhead. Yeah, I remember him. And he's wearing like a like shiny bell buckles. Yeah. and Patrice one time said to him. He was like, Romy
Starting point is 00:47:07 Well, you always dressing all I remember when Such a hilarious ball bust He's dead. Yeah How you doing? I got a story when he was story. Yeah, I got a good Nate funny story. Yeah. So you're opening for them? I went to, well, that's, that's, you're burying the, you're doing the, you're doing the point. You already said, you buried the lead, you did, you said I opened, yeah, you said that. Did I?
Starting point is 00:47:32 Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you opened the story. Yeah. But anyways, radio, so, all right. So I went to radio city to see Nate hanging out, great hang, missed all three of you guys. I don't know where you guys were. I was on the road.
Starting point is 00:47:40 All right. I was seething in my jealousy. I was headlining somewhere myself. Yeah. It was a Sunday. Yeah, are you work Sundays? I was probably home at Barrett's. Child. There you go.
Starting point is 00:47:48 So, we were all in the radio city, hanging out, not a great com. How is he still here? It's fucking crazy. Talking about. It's crazy. He's still here. He's gone.
Starting point is 00:47:56 He left. That's not the same one. They look the same, you idiot. That's a different, you have to. They have autism. Whole different guy. Whole different guy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:04 They all wear flannel and jeans, and they have the same eyebrow that connects. Yeah. They're Bobby's foot soldiers. Yeah. So they're all dressed this in. Natalie also dresses like them as well. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:48:12 That's because she doesn't want to get raped. It's like in a zombie movie where you wear the zombie skin so they don't eat you. I got to tell you stories. Oh, Jesus. Come on. So where's podcast for stories? You know what we did. You should know that. We go back. We go back. We can't tell the story. We're back. Go ahead
Starting point is 00:48:26 So I see Nate. We're all hanging out great hang everybody everybody anybody who's anybody's there We got a good we stink. We're not there. We got it. We have to We had me so we're sitting there. I'm about to have a kid in 10 days and I'm done I'm off the road I'm finished and Nate says we're doing Seattle next weekend. Eddie Vetter is coming. He's friends with Eddie Vetter, this guy. Nate is?
Starting point is 00:48:50 Yes. Eddie from Eddie V's, prime sea food. Yeah. He's getting me a table. Yeah. The guy didn't create it surf and turf. No. F**k.
Starting point is 00:48:58 Yeah. The guy who created the crab fried rice. Oh, I was gonna say this before, dude. I was, I was, I got distracted. I know we all got distracted. I told James seasons 52 is like better than Capitol grill of what the Simpsons. What season 52? That was great. That was great. I love it. The nerd joke. I love it. Seasons 52 is a restaurant, but it's like a shittier version of Capitol. It's the same chain,
Starting point is 00:49:20 like the same umbrella comes. Sure. Ones all of them. Uh-huh. So I tried. I told James. I was like, dude, season 52 is where it's at, dude. And then he came in and he was just like, this is not as good as the guy that wrote that. What are you talking about? Dude, he walked in, it was like, bitch. It's not feeling it at all.
Starting point is 00:49:33 He scored, he scored and ramsied it. He's like, this is trash. If you take the alcohol from an alcoholic, all you have is Ick. I get back to you. I'm gonna go back to your story. This is terrible. So Nate says, I'm, you know, I'm a big pearl.
Starting point is 00:49:47 GM guy. I've seen him 56 times. I'm gay. So Nate says, Eddie's coming. You can, if you want to come, you can meet Eddie hang out. See you. Get to meet Eddie and hang out. Is I'm gay? You are thing or a March thing? It's our thing. Okay. Yeah. So we go there and I go, I don't know the baby, what the, what the baby, you know, we're
Starting point is 00:50:08 going out there. I don't want to be, I can't be leaving, but it's any better. It's exciting. And I go, well, maybe I'll go to Seattle just to meet any better. I don't know. You get to meet them and they go, well, I'll fly you out first class, put you up five star hotel, the whole thing, and I'll pay you to do the show. So you can do seven minutes clean
Starting point is 00:50:25 I'm not thrilled about and he pays pretty handsome. I'm sure more than anyone else any other big star I've ever wrote before I'll just say that yeah, so I go all right. Let me talk to the wife Moly Louie. That's not what I said. I'm not a star. Sorry. I'm not what I said. I'm out of my star relax and I pay pretty well Not you not you Louis CK does not pay his openers as much as Nate Barghetsi. Louis CK technically also raped Joe Lister. Yeah. If you really consider it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:52 That was between us. Some shit I say to you and then you just say it. I'm fucking fuck out of that. It's a fuck. We'll cut that out. Don't worry about that. Yeah. Can we please?
Starting point is 00:51:02 It's fucking. Louis had Joe. This is why you know what I mean? This is why we're not closer. I secretly tell you that Louis CK And then you just say on a podcast any parts I talk to Sarah. I go great. We're going. I'm going out Where did me? What was the talk? What was the talk with Sarah like? What do you like? Well, this is the thing is Sarah about to have a baby. She said Joe. I heard so much Your come grew a person in me and now I'm in pain. Well, first of all, I want to say this about Sarah Talamaj.
Starting point is 00:51:29 Sarah Talamaj made every pregnant woman I've ever seen, met or heard of look like a whiny cunt. Sarah, my wife a whiny cunt. That's right. Oh my god. And your baby, my mom. Clip it and send it to her. Sarah, didn't she never cried?
Starting point is 00:51:42 She never went like, I can't go up the stairs Yeah, because your baby doesn't have bones. Yeah, your baby's a little nerd just slipped right out like a farm miss I don't know how to tell you this you had a beanie baby. Yeah, exactly. They're all we had real children You're so a child a child a shoulder. I child had a chin and your son is filled with these small white balls He's only missing a job. Oh oh yeah, you had a pillow baby. He's got all the other bones. You had a four ounce through pillow. You're a child see through him, is he?
Starting point is 00:52:14 He's a bad ass. You had a fucking tadpole, you're fucking. You had a fucking mom. It's lit out because that no arms are legs yet. A fucking, you created through meiosisiosis. Yeah prick. What is it? God damn it. Well, I think we got someone on the bottom of this We don't even have a bomb down it. Where the fuck is it? It was Lewis ate it last time You fucking get the bomb down a joke enough you can
Starting point is 00:52:44 This is the only about Sarah Everybody at the hang was like, oh, Joe's gonna get divorced now. He's got a leave. She's having a baby in six days. Sarah was like this. Yeah, that sounds great. I don't care. Sarah was walking five miles the day before the baby. She doesn't need me. She doesn't love me. She doesn't care about me. The baby weighed three pounds. Here's a big baby. How many pounds? Eight pounds, 13 hours. What a big boy. That's a big boy. How many how many pounds eight pounds 13. What a big boy. That's a big
Starting point is 00:53:05 boy. Big boy. Bigger boy. Bigger's baby in the whole floor. But anyways, so she said, yeah, just go. So I go out there, do a Saturday. Well, Friday, we went and met Adam Sandler, which was very exciting. That's cool. Got saw him. Why was the same man there just to see Nate? No, he was did the arena on Friday night. So we all went and saw him. Great show was a blast. Sam were all opened. We were late because Nate had to take a call. So I miss Sam set. That was a bummer. Oh, it's really awkward. Anyways, so we watched Sam there. Great show met him. Nice guy. All the things you hear about him. It's Saturday. We do two shows. All exciting. We also got to go to Washington, Oregon.
Starting point is 00:53:42 What's the UW-Organ game that was we were texting about? That was a barn bird. One of the best games of the year. Blast Dustin Nicherson got us on the field. It was unbelievable. I was watching my hotel room and the second I saw you were there. I was I was more jealous of that than anything you did the weekend. So we were talking football. Yeah. You boys can talk about your. So get ready because I'm what to me. Better fucking go. So much of a set up. It's a lot of details that are unnecessary true. Are you familiar with Eddie better? Yeah, you know Best seafood We go Sunday night here we go. I've flown 7,000 miles. I'm meeting Eddie better. I can't wait
Starting point is 00:54:22 Wait Joe The night this is it all my life waited for this moment It cancels I don't know I think cuz I don't know I'm not sure he was sick. He was never going He was waiting a minute wait a minute. It's a night does clean comedy that shit's gay Is there is Joe is gonna be there Pretty crazy Not much pregnant this song is of my my album 10 That's the story canceled Ha ha ha ha ha wife pregnant wife for nothing. Isn't that wild?
Starting point is 00:55:08 Did you in a sitcom? You would have to get a fake Eddie Vetter to take a picture with the not make Sarah mad Ah, is that what you did? No, did you just tell her you're like you canceled and she was like cool He's like but Nick gave me $20,000 to do seven minutes. She's like. Yes. How much was it a lot of money? It was good money. A lot. To say that. Say it. Say it. He pays $2,000 a show.
Starting point is 00:55:30 Day seven minutes. Seven minutes. That's fucking nice. And a dreamy nice hotel. And a first class place. I thought it was gonna be more. The way he said it, $2,000 a show. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:55:43 I thought it'd be more. I've had four K for fucking 14. And these were theaters, by the way, not arenas. Yeah, I know, I thought it'd be more. I made it like four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, four, and these were theaters, by the way, not arenas. Yeah, but you have to give up your whole weekend which you would have made more money than that. If I was working, I would have made more money than that. Yes, but it's still $8,000.
Starting point is 00:55:56 For 14 minutes or so. For 28 minutes, all that. But I will say this though, to do seven minutes squeaky clean when you're you it's not sucks Because like shit to me is not a swear I've been saying shit to my parents. You can't say shit. No, you can't say you can't say dirty ideas Why no it's clean. It's gotta be clean. He has like kids They Nate has a thing Nate's it's coming up where I'm in Atlanta at the Buckhead theater and then I thought like I was gonna tell Nate that to be like man, right? You You know, because we're gonna go to the Monday Night Football game, Dolphins Titans.
Starting point is 00:56:28 And I was like, well, I'm in Atlanta doing the Buckhead Theater. And he goes, oh, that's crazy, man. The next night, I'm doing the arena. Oh, boy. And I was like, that's weird. We rented out the Buckhead Theater just for my buses. And he goes, oh, that's where we're parking all the buses. That's my green room.
Starting point is 00:56:41 I'll just sit there. I keep my merch. I keep my merch in that arena while I do mox. And I really did that thing of like doing the bucket theater and he goes, I'm doing the arena the next night and then he goes, why don't you open for me? I go, I can't do seven minutes clean. You can't do seven minutes clean. Call me. I asked him one time. He asked me to open for him. I go, yeah, I do this joke where I call crying face coming and he goes Oh my god, it goes come on man. Look face coming is not even near close. Obviously the word coming. Yeah, come on
Starting point is 00:57:12 Come and face together. Yeah, I don't mean It's your cleanest joke. It's clean. What's your cleanest shit? What is my cleanest joke? You don't have a clean joke ladies Gentlemen, good night. Thank you Yeah, it's so hard to go. What jokes did you, did you have to take stuff out? I had to do some old stuff and then just, it just makes you uncomfortable. To me, any time you're doing comedy
Starting point is 00:57:33 and you're conscious of having to. Not say a word. The thing, it's also hard doing seven first when you're used to doing an hour last. Yeah. It's a weird adjustment. And then you just feel like you're having bad sets. But I also haven't hung out with Nate in a long time, you forget how fun it is to hang out hour last. Yeah. It's a weird adjustment. And then you just feel like you're having bad sets. But I also haven't hung out with Nate a long time.
Starting point is 00:57:47 You forget how fun it is to hang out with Nate. What was your joke that you opened with? Mmm. What's up with the weather? Can you remember? You guys like flying? I think it was a, oh, I did that joke about, I told a guy in the front row, he looked like me.
Starting point is 00:58:01 And then he said, oof. True story. That one, yeah. It hits. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, true story. That one, yeah. Yeah, it hits. Yeah, not a mind. I'm just going over the names of all my new jokes, hooker stuff. Lewis Fussy, dead baby joke. One comic said, one comic told me this.
Starting point is 00:58:16 They said, go through your set list and your bits sound like sex positions. If you do, I've got the drone. This is fun. That one, that one, that one, having fun. I do the, I do the, the press checks, cutters. I do the beard and mom. This isn't even a joke.
Starting point is 00:58:29 You know what my joke is about cutters? Just that I hate them. I hate cutters. There's nothing beyond that. It's if I see you fucking cut in your arms, dude. It makes me so angry. But what that's a premise? What's the, oh, that they should finish the job.
Starting point is 00:58:41 That's how much I hate them. What are some of your sex positions, Joe? that they should finish the job. That's a fun dick I have dick doctor racks my ass these are the best one yeah I have one that's just called the Bobby Kelly I have I have one called fuck a robot there you go it's about Sarah tolla much this one's called suck on balls going back down on pussy after kids I have one that's called this bit of work nowhere move on your bitch should be called that pussy after kids. I have one that's called this bit of work. No, where?
Starting point is 00:59:27 Move on. Oh, your bitch should be called that. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's what you get. That's what you get. That's what you get. You dance by the fire, you're gonna get a taste of flame. Oh. You're like a burnt.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Woo. Around and find out the Hamas story. Hey, we don't talk about that. I was stupid for that. Are you really on the side of the Jews? No, what are you talking about Lewis? I don't believe in anything political. I'm a political you wouldn't pick you if you had a pick a Sat you don't you don't know who you're on right now. I mean there. I don't I'm too. We should not even do this. Don't be an idiot Joe just because you we should not even do it. You want us watch Arab babies slain
Starting point is 01:00:06 I don't want to watch it. I want to read Joe dancing the streets with IDF bomb that hospital. I'm dead. I don't want to watch and I want to read about it It's a fucking horrible trap people are here to take a break from reading about all the atrocities. Yeah So let's put the new fireman pictures Let's do the baby pictures because I sent my baby photo of the group text and Lewis responded you and I laughed for We all we just didn't write it. It was god. I put on it was stop laughing. Can we do we have the baby? Bitches ready to go. We've never seen I tell you I heard you made me like unappealing looking baby I read that when I was taking my morning poop. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:45 And the laugh got it extra little log out. Because I was laughing in my butt hole. This morning's U is the new Blue J. Oaksin. I could not stop laughing. Here's the thing, though, the quickness in the U was so great. And literally the photo went up and then there was an immediate U.
Starting point is 01:01:00 Well, the thing is to a one syllable response, U, U, gay, all hilarious. I had some guy on YouTube, I posted a clip, yeah, I just learned this, there are people that think a married person joking about fucking someone is like an N word. There's people that have that. I got to push the clip, I posted a clip where I'm talking
Starting point is 01:01:19 to a woman in the front row and I was like, my wife did it, you'd fuck me, right? Very funny. Very joking, dude. And then some guy, who's that? Who do you think? Oh, that's that's you, Dan. Who do you think's the cutest boy in all the world?
Starting point is 01:01:30 I mean, that is how you holding that head up. Thanks for throwing it up, cute baby photos, right in the middle of a fucking store. Yeah, that's the best. Max, Christ. Max, hang on, what's that? Right in the fucking middle of a joke. He yelled at him for me.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Hey, Max, come here. Don't hit him. Hey, man. I want to show you something Hey, can I show you something? Max take it off Max Like I'm gonna show you something in the other room Max go get my belt perfect time to start this other bit Hey Max wait till wait till I tell you to bring it out and then she says There's a picture of my loss Sorry, he's as Christ anyways. The guy was really offended. He's like, bro, you're fucking married. You're talking about a fucking a girl that says funny at all.
Starting point is 01:02:08 And then someone's wrote back underneath gay. Yeah, that's funny. But there's people that have that. I've had this before. I did Karen's podcast. And, you know, obviously joking about fucking Lewis's ex-accessively. And then everyone's like, you're fucking married. Your wife is pregnant. You piece a shit. And I'm like, yeah, it's a joke. Anyways, isn't that interesting?
Starting point is 01:02:28 Yeah, it is funny that people get that fucking upset that you're clearly kidding around. Also, who fucking, like, let me make it clear. I don't give a fuck of a man cheats on his wife. It is so rare. It is so rare that a man doesn't cheat on his wife. That it's like, what are we fucking? What type of weird thing we have?
Starting point is 01:02:45 Why is it rare? I didn't know. Why is it rare? In your world. I thought you said hospice real quick and I was like, that's even funnier. He's a rare. I don't know anybody who cheats on his wife. I know a lot of guys who cheat.
Starting point is 01:02:57 Mosque. Not Mosque. On wives. Who cheats on a wife? No, Mosque's don't cheat on wives. Not dude. Wives, you got to be a real piece of shit. No, let's settle down with that.
Starting point is 01:03:06 You're going to be a real fucking hunk of garbage. Some damn weird stuff. You want to say? Listen, the six are made. Sometimes you fucking... Anyways, dude, I'm going back one more time to Tampa. No. That's why Bobby goes to Tampa all the time.
Starting point is 01:03:18 Relaxed. First off, side pieces watch podcasts. What's your definition of cheating, by the way? You can make mistakes. You know what cheating is. What is cheating? If you have to ask yourself that. No, I'm just asking a question right now.
Starting point is 01:03:29 Do you think going to massage, Paula? And getting jerked off by your... No, no, let me finish the sentence. And getting a full body massage. Is that included getting your penis touched? Does that include getting your penis touched? Can I say, it's not cheating if you get permission. From your...
Starting point is 01:03:43 My girl gave me permission for a while. She was like, you can go to Rubbertocks, I don't care. And then I brought it up on podcasts, like five times super for a while. She was like you gotta rub it. I don't care And then I brought it up on podcast like five times super excited about it. She's like she was like yeah I'm not serious, but you're not married. You're not man. You guys don't know you guys don't know what life is I'm engaged I'm engaged Yeah, you're in gaze as a boy's See the boys banging is that cheating to too? Banging boys? Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 01:04:06 No. Sorry. Sorry. It's not a sex, isn't real sex. What? Well, once you tell that to me. That's what I thought. Well, I just say I don't really get my judgefully over cheating on his wife.
Starting point is 01:04:14 I'm about that. Okay, that's better. I'm a judging guy for cheating on his wife. I'm just into cheating. My guess is that most married guys are cheating on the wife. I don't think so. I'm interested in a guy that can go on the road, fuck a woman, and hang out with his wife's dad, like look her in the eye. I would. You know, you're a little baby girl is I know she's an angel. I would just be in hives.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Yeah, I would. I would. Those are herpes. So we're still. I have an outbreak right now. I and an outbreak. No, you don't. Yeah. Joe, don't come here. Why do you do this? I didn't come here. I came up with my girlfriend, though. You bring your herpes and your COVID. Did you have sex while she was pregnant?
Starting point is 01:04:53 Yeah, we had sex up until the last day. How often do you have herpes outbreak? Did your boy grab your weiner? One question at a time. It feels like I just finished coaching a Super Bowl. Do you know that we had sex the day Max was born because that's it induces later. Yeah, the calm the calm will soften the cervix I don't know if that's true, but look it and might be true. Do you think they want to look it up?
Starting point is 01:05:14 Dude, do you think we'll soften the seat? The baby catches the plum like a one-timer like turning to Then you don't have children. You don't know how to work Yeah, the cervix is Clowns That starts fucking browning dude. We got coming in here and on stomachs you come in turn into then you don't have children you don't know how to work. You don't know the service is quite a lot of that starts fucking drowning. We got a coming in here and on stomachs, you come in. You guys made we come in we come in we come we
Starting point is 01:05:31 spoke right all your little offerings are going to have to face the apocalypse. Oh, I'm scared of the apocalypse. Yeah, I'm going to die in the blast radius. But no, you know, bring your baby into this world. I'm not. World worth three is popping off right now. I'm scared. I'm not scared at all. We're all holding on to my money. AI is going to take over all the jobs really soon. I can't wait to watch this podcast and your kids are like, well, there won't be an internet in the apocalypse. Do you think the AI is going to stop the internet? I think they're going to make the internet better, dude.
Starting point is 01:06:04 Yeah. It's awesome, dude. I used to write a letter to my my son's principal? Maybe sound like a fucking genius. Do you then it got then the principal got the letter? He's like, he used AI on this. The AI gave him Joe list IQ levels. I think Lewis is the smartest. I do too. If that if that sperm thing because I know there's something about it, if that's true, look it up. Come. He's off into the cervix. If that sperm thing, because I know there's something about it, if that's true, come. These are the cervix.
Starting point is 01:06:26 And it gets rid of them. You only know, you know a certain, you know this much, a lot about this much. I can't, I can't, we know more about a lot of other things. I can't, it's not knowing facts. Yeah. I can't, it's your, it's your, I mean, this guy,
Starting point is 01:06:41 I would maribillity to reason, it's your ability to hold on Bobby I would you be able to reason got you have the lowest that you hold on I would mop you up in trivia Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right? You know no no no no a why trivia is one thing like you know stats and trivia. That's it you would if If you yeah, I know that's human sperm contains a high amount of A hormone He's human sperm contains a high amount of prostacurgin a hormone
Starting point is 01:07:11 That ripens the cervix a ripe cervix is a hot way to just got a right Also, Lewis this is just in his Puerto Rican DNA. He knows something about Maybe she's so like a piece Right into the cervix that cervix starts to fucking pop up and like a little star. That's what I, I didn't know is that, but I heard it in that video. Anyway. We fucked the day, the day he,
Starting point is 01:07:33 she heard water broke. Me too. Me and Banger's banged and this, because of this show, we're not together anymore. Sorry. Oh yeah, remember? We shot out Kelly for Stucco.
Starting point is 01:07:40 Yeah, we banged the day, with business, Banger's perspective. She was like, we fucked. Before we left that bezers perspective. She was like we fucked Before we left that you didn't need to jerk off again at the hospital you sick fuck and I was like well No, I got horned up again. What do you want me to say came up and I wanted to get it out of the way? Yeah, pull the venom out Yeah, actually you defanged your snake. That's all I wanted to do and then Kelly Fasuka that stupid bitch So that is You weren't even bothered by the fact that he was jerking off while you're getting there.
Starting point is 01:08:08 I can't believe that Beatrice. He was wanking his finger. You was having a baby. Is it bad? Oh, no. I'm not supposed to say that. I'll broke up a family. It literally was the final straw.
Starting point is 01:08:20 That was it. She could not get over the fact that I would go to the bathroom and jerk off while she was about. I don't know. She's like you're dating an animal You had a baby we film I get it though you got times a lot of time. It's a long day. I was there for 20 hours That's a lot. It's not a lot of time. It is a long time I mean and especially if you look at my I'm not like It's literally just getting the fucking evil out like get this fuck. It is calm out of me, dude
Starting point is 01:08:43 Let me go back to being false. I'm being a good dad. It's shooting your gun in the dirt. Yeah, I didn't hurt anybody. Yeah, dude. At that point you weren't even a dad. I want to go be a good dad as he was coming out. Yeah, he didn't want your kid coming out and you thinking he's hot.
Starting point is 01:08:54 Yeah, you wanted him to call it. You wanted him to call it. I wanted zero chance of me wanting to bang my own baby. I wanted to get that out and that was that. But don't you find all the nurses, when the baby comes, all the nurses, they're, you're so vulnerable. I just was in love with all of them.
Starting point is 01:09:08 They're all like doing. When we did the baby, I want to marry everybody in here. We had a doctor and this blonde nurse that was with her for the whole night at around 315. The doctor was like, it's happening. I need your help. And that blonde nurse, to her or you, to me. And I walked over, I don't know what to do.
Starting point is 01:09:27 And I was like, I throw up easy. So I really can't look at this. And she's like, nobody's here. And then this old black woman came in and relieved the blonde nurse. And she would come and hello. Hey, baby. She's like this.
Starting point is 01:09:42 No, no, no, no. She's like, how is going to go weirdo? She was pulled at my wife's stinky ass pussy. Don she's like this. No, no, no, she's like how it's gonna go weirdo. She was pulled at baby at your wife stinky ass pussy Don't go like this. She came in. She's like this another white devil in the world She goes another pink problem. She was my son. She walked in like this. She walked in she goes She goes side hello. Hello. I Will be here. She was just miserable. Yeah, hello, hello. I will be here.
Starting point is 01:10:05 She was just miserable. Yeah. And Don went, I don't want her, I want her to the blonde, to the blonde and to the doctor. She goes, I don't want her. I want her. We ever came off as very racist, especially with the Massachusetts accent. Fuck that.
Starting point is 01:10:19 I'm not having a fucking black hand. I'm not letting the fucking pussy. Three-fifths of a hand is not gonna pull out this baby. I think you know what you're trying to do the bus fiasco. I was trying to do it. It wasn't because she was black. It was because she was fucking miserable. She was miserable.
Starting point is 01:10:34 She came in with, she's about to give birth. The baby's coming out. Hello. I'm gonna be, and Dom went, I don't want her. I want her. And it is very entitled to you to be like, I don't want her, I want her. Like, Hershey it's very entitled to view to be like, I don't want her, I want her, like, Hershey. You don't want, like this black lady's got to be excited
Starting point is 01:10:47 to deliver your baby. You want, you want the fuck? Good fucking energy in the room. She goes, I'm gonna go watch Steve Harvey on fame. You, whatever, you white devil, white bitch. So we had two people, the blonde nurse, me, and the doctor. That was it. And no blacks.
Starting point is 01:11:02 I knew I should have said that. Bobby goes, there was a separate drinking fountain for a reason. You didn't have to say blonde or black. You could have just said one nurse. I was trying to describe. I was trying to paint a picture. He painted a picture real bad. And I did painted bad picture.
Starting point is 01:11:18 He painted a real. I really did. She would have just been. So I'm just saying like you had all these people in your, how many many how many nurses were helping you. Well, we were there for 24 hours. So they were in and out, but then it was a C-section. So you have a what do you call it? The anesthesiologist, you have a doctor and other doctors, a couple nurses. That's the difference. Maybe because then people are so in up stomach while the other people are taking the baby and all that. Yeah, my wife did it the natural way.
Starting point is 01:11:42 The way God meant it. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. I get you get circumcised I was gonna ask that forgot to ask that. Yes, I'm not talking about my son's penis. Okay, okay fair enough It's Louis that we're gonna have a whole thing Who is this gonna be all jacked up about it? I'm not my son's on circumcised. Yeah, we had this argument before did we Yeah, we jacked guys just abusing your child It's not an argument. They feel it. There's no reason we figured out a long time ago that it's actually not a real thing.
Starting point is 01:12:10 It's not for them. It's for the girls that have to suck it. No, no, no, now 60% of little boys are not being circumcised in the future in 10 years. But the time your kids get in his dick sucked, being circumcised is going to be less common than girls are going to know how to debone that fish But yeah, it was really something You know what I'm blowing you have to put three pieces of Scotch tape on you all right check check check What am I putting together a 10? I think I'm paying off a mannequin
Starting point is 01:12:37 Oh, okay, this is a good car. I'm gonna suck this shit out You're really ready to go how about it's like when you're sleeping I'm not gonna be able to get it back in the bag. I could try. I could try. Coffee's here. Bring it over. Don't be scared, spider. Bring it over. Bring it over. Dude, you should not wear holes in your jeans with your wolf leg. No, look at his jeans.
Starting point is 01:12:52 Fucking asshole. He doesn't have holes. Those are just his jeans. He can't afford regular jeans. Fuck, why does he have wolf head? Double cup, but the holes aren't aligned. What the hell is this? Is that me?
Starting point is 01:13:01 How is this going to fall? Oh, I'm not going to be able to get it back in the bag. I can try. Coffee's here. Bring it over. Don't be scared, spider. Bring it over. Fucking asshole he doesn't have holes those are just this jeans you can't afford regular jeans Why does he have a little cup but the holes are in the line? What the hell is that me? Oh, I see the holes on our line. That's why you had to get a seat nice dog Hmm. Oh, that's some good that's some good sweet cream. I made Danny shave his knees. Yeah, why don't you have a baby? Come on buddy Hey, what am I a jerk off? Yeah, let's do it buddy
Starting point is 01:13:21 What? No, there's not having kids. All right. Is. Is it because there's something wrong with one of you? No. It's such a f**king wild thing to say. Oh, it'll be fun. If there was, I wouldn't say it right here. You're a great dad though. You'd be amazing dad. I'm gonna be a better uncle. That's gay.
Starting point is 01:13:37 Do you have a brother or sister? No. She's got a brother that just had a baby. So we go and visit the baby. How old are you? I'm a damn eight. How old is she? 36. Oh wow. She's a couple of years. You could have one visit the baby. How old are you? I'm a man. 40. How old is she? 36. You're right. A couple of years you could have one.
Starting point is 01:13:48 I don't think we are. I think we'll change. You weren't going to have one too. Didn't you say you weren't going to have one? Yeah, I didn't want a couple of years ago. You will like fuck that. We're not doing it. What was a couple years ago?
Starting point is 01:13:56 Many years ago. Well, whatever. You said she was too old or something. It was less than two years ago. Well, she still is too old. But you said you couldn't come with her. Remember you said you couldn't get there. Remember off air where you said that. You said you couldn't get there. Remember off air, you said you said you had to think
Starting point is 01:14:08 of other stuff. Well, the problem, you know, I was raised in a way that I thought having a child ruins your life. And then I realized I came to believe that wasn't true. And now I've switched back again. Yeah. How can I help you? Joe's the smartest one out of all.
Starting point is 01:14:23 I didn't have the moment where I was like, I gotta go see Killers of the Flower Moon again. I gotta get a second assessment. And then I was like, oh where I was like I got to go see kill the flower moon again I got to get a second assessment and then I was like oh I can't yeah, I can't go to a four-and-a-half hour movie anymore Yeah, I can't see my last movie. Okay sweet little bee All right, Jens, let's think she thunderware.com. I have mom right now. Let me say. That's all I wear. That's all I wear too I have mom right now boy look at us. Look at me. It's all I wear but I'd rather not show mine They're great. I was hard explaining max what the front look at us. It's all I wear, but I'd rather not show mine. They're great. I was hired to explain Max what the front pocket was
Starting point is 01:14:48 and how his little junk doesn't fit in it yet. Yeah, yeah. So that was a little weird, but, and showing him that mine does. Yeah, it's nice. It's fantastic. I love you. I never feel like I have a bigger dick when I show
Starting point is 01:14:58 my dick to a child. I love, not my child. I love the elastic being a fat, a chubby dude. I like a big nice. So they have the cool power technology. Put your dick in your balls into the pouch. It makes you look like you're an underwear model. They have different styles, different colors.
Starting point is 01:15:11 I mean, moisture, red. Moisture, what kind of these name in the colors? Red. Blue. I love red. I also love the lady gear. I got my wife has some boy shorts. Ooh.
Starting point is 01:15:22 Oh, you love it. Oh, I don't know they have that. Yeah, they got that. Yeah, they got that. Yeah, they did. So for the 11, female fans that we have. Like taking off the lady stuff. Ooh, when I wore a secret.
Starting point is 01:15:31 They have gator necks, they have winter gear, they have a lot of stuff. It's like a scarf. I like the lady's deck and we have the man gear. Guys, this is an ad read. What are we doing?
Starting point is 01:15:40 Podcasting. We're just talking about, dude, we talk about she's underwear like the part of the vernacular, the part of the culture Joe It's not an ad read Joe. Maybe the ad read you, but this is just Just a fucking life dude. She's under where the calm is the website go there right now and use the promo code regs when you check out R e g r e g g
Starting point is 01:15:58 He looks like a full of harmonica out of his jacket. This next song was called I was born with a fat tone R e g z Yeah, I'm sure you sell jokes over the fucking call the action. You know, that's what I was trying to do. That I'm reading the thing go to sheathandware.com use that promo code of rags R E G Z and you're gonna get 20% off your order today fast shipping quick delivery love these guys sheathandware.com promo code rags I just want 20%
Starting point is 01:16:22 Oh fucking what Robert Patton Iraq veteran fought in the war a real red blooded American Thought in the war that's where he invented it. So you're supporting an Iraq vet love it love it Rack them and slack them baby boy. She found a red dot com. All right, where were we? Yeah, that's that's the thing that stops you just like what you're not even now But in like three years your life just becomes like watching every child's movie I know yeah, it's everything though. I watch the Barbie movie. I cry. I watch the party movies are so sad now Oh, there are really answer and shit soul soul soul soul was terrible my heart out of my chest What's the one with that's a horrible soul? What's the one with up the make the make the book make believe
Starting point is 01:17:02 Adventure Park Remember the one they don't in the first 10 minutes the mom dies of. Oh, it's up. Up. Up as the now saddest beginning ever. I'm just saying, but he just described the plot and everything about up.
Starting point is 01:17:14 I'm a museum. I said amusement park. I has nothing to do with up. I said, I'm a museum park. I think you think that a house with balloons. No, I said, I want to house folks that's an amusement park. And what you know, Wonderland, I think it's called Wonderland.
Starting point is 01:17:27 The folks at home have no idea. This is about to be a fist fight between Lewis and Bobby. No, no, no, no. It's Wonderland. Bobby, you look like a young, like a young up guy. Look at there it is right there. That movie. Wonder park.
Starting point is 01:17:39 This is a shit movie. Saddest movie ever. Nobody's in this movie. Saddest movie ever. Nobody heard of it. It's a fuck, it was a hit. It's of it. It's a fun. It was a hit This type of movie and it's not by Pixar or Disney. I mean, it was by Paramon pitch This was hit it wasn't a hit it was a hit it was a hit it's stung. Oh you
Starting point is 01:17:58 Stimmy give me the uh the reviews by the trailer Saddest movie of all you make me cry. No, but let's get the reviews first, because I bet you that it was not a hit. I bet you're on the one. Here's the plot. The girl and her mom and the dad make this little thing in the living room, a wonder park and the thing. Sure.
Starting point is 01:18:16 The mom dies. Shout out, Jesus. Fucking cancer goes away to cancer's place. Never comes home. Cancer place? Yeah, she goes away to like a hospital. She goes to a farm up state. Yeah like a hospital They have to tell Bobby that people dies when you read the read read read read read read that she's living in a field
Starting point is 01:18:32 It's better to be honest. She loves playing fetch up there all the time 30% look at That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing.
Starting point is 01:18:47 That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing.
Starting point is 01:18:55 That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing.
Starting point is 01:19:03 That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. That people to cry. Seven people liked it. Shit. Read the videos. The tomato meat. What does it say? Wonder park doesn't come close. To holding a candle to the better animated fare of recent years. He is calling other movies fair.
Starting point is 01:19:15 Santa ties uninspired and forgettable. Oh wow. It's not great. It's not great much fun. Oh my god dude, what could have been a fun movie instead is a joyless it's sad that's what i said it's sad it's sad i am tasting the last one
Starting point is 01:19:34 oh the last one's great though the film's copious flash and dazzle will please this is a good one this is good one there's an awful lot of subtext going on here about facing your fear okay that's nice this is coupled with some pretty nightmarish imagery involving the zombie chimps. Can you even say that? That's what he called the nurse Fucking me a shite. I don't want to know Zombie chimps in the fucking delivery room We come back please
Starting point is 01:19:57 She goes baby. I don't want to deal with your shitty. Oh take this. Excuse me zombie zombie champion out of the room. Zombie champion. I want the blonde one. I want the blonde one. She's better. The blonde lady was put a reading. She goes, I'm dog blonde. Stupid. That's hilarious. Oh, maybe it wasn't as good as the animal characters that roam the park are sadly uninspired. And there's only a small hint of magic created throughout. Damn, damn, this is a whole cartoon about cancer. But I say it's up, Max didn't like it either.
Starting point is 01:20:32 He didn't. He didn't like it. He actually covered, I was crying, and he covered my eyes. He's like, dad, stop crying. Oh my God. Yeah, maybe I'm, maybe. Can we see the trailer? Can we please see the trailer?
Starting point is 01:20:42 Yeah, watch the trailer. Max goes, I didn't know I had two moms. Huh. That was giving me the bond damage. Don didn't want to go. I had the whole grief. We've just seen it's like, first of all, like since the beginning of your time,
Starting point is 01:20:53 Bambi fucking the mom dies, right? Fucking the good dinosaur, the dad dies. I mean, the good dinosaur, that was a great movie. That's the first movie that James saw in the movie. That was Max's first movie. That was a great movie. And the dad just walks a dad diet no come back yeah you cried you cried I held it in I cried so did so I cried throughout the whole movie the whole movie so not dude it's so
Starting point is 01:21:17 good it makes you like literally like am I doing the right thing in life like what do you you look in the mirror differently after you watch so. Yeah, I had one of those cries where you really you looked out at your feet and think, you know, you watch the kids movie as an adult by yourself. Yeah. Yeah, Pixar movie. Pixar movies rock. Yeah, they're great. Good. Here we go. All right, wonderful. We're going to break. It's time to open the park. Okay. That's the trailer. Yeah, we got that. The trailer the that's the trailer that we got that the trailer sucks to have
Starting point is 01:21:55 had to see the animations better than I expected and I It opens up so fun she gets pussy cancer, too, but eventually we all grow up. Oh look I Damn mom's dead This March this March a movie so retarded Do the pop-off its go. Oh, that's the zombie chimp. This, the nurse that Bobby wouldn't let the li- R- O'Roller, coaster.
Starting point is 01:22:32 In a world where zombie chimps are not allowed to deliver babies. So stupid it made Bobby cry. Ha-ha-ha-ha. That's just possible. Hello, my name is Steve. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed.
Starting point is 01:22:49 I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed.
Starting point is 01:22:57 I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. I'm just pissed. the the the
Starting point is 01:23:06 the the the the the the the the the the the the the the
Starting point is 01:23:19 the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the
Starting point is 01:23:27 the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the
Starting point is 01:23:19 the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the made with her mom in the living room when the mom died she took it all down but now it came to life and she's she's making it come back Indian in the cupboard guys hold up I think I can get Indian the cupboard rolled Indian the cupboard rolled dude Bobby I think I got a movie you're gonna love what
Starting point is 01:23:46 Yeah, we got him. I mean, it literally is just like a bunch of flashes of different types of animals. There's no plus. Someone at Paramount goes, not even a real movie. Where are the zombie chimps? I don't know. Come in. They're all around. Someone has a movie.
Starting point is 01:24:03 We'll be playing in theaters from March 15th to March 21st. It ran for four days. Hey, just keep this ad playing in our ear. If you could do that, I was just thinking to be good if we just had an advertisement playing in our fucking ear during the... I mean, do Joe has gotten so spicy stuff? He's an honorary since fatherhood.
Starting point is 01:24:17 Yeah. Well, I got, you know, lack of sleep. And you got to discipline these children from early. Yes, not yet. Let's see these baby photos. Now, my good, tired, the baby photos. We're gonna do a thing now. That's not yet. That's not yet. That's not yet. Let's see these baby photos. Now my good, tired, the baby photos. We're gonna do a thing now. Let's do plugs. Let's do plugs.
Starting point is 01:24:28 We're gonna do plugs. We're gonna bring the baby photos that we'll do plugs. But we got all these baby photos of Dan, Joe, me, and Lewis. And we're gonna decide who's the cutest. Are we gonna do plugs first? We're gonna do plugs first.
Starting point is 01:24:38 Plug it up. Yeah, plug it up. Go, Dan. When is this come out? Tuesday. Tuesday. This Tuesday. Tuesday. This Friday world, we're getting old. This is gigs this weekend. This is Tuesday, Tuesday, this Tuesday. So I will be this Tuesday, uh, this five world were getting his gigs this weekend.
Starting point is 01:24:47 Not as good as Nate's. This never not sold out yet. Not, not even close. San Antonio, one of the shows has a low ticket warning. Very low. Should have stayed on the line. Low ticket. Bye.
Starting point is 01:24:59 Uh, Friday and Saturday, I'll be at L.O. and San Antonio. And then I will be at Portland, helium, San Francisco, I'll be at LOL and San Antonio and then I will be at Portland Helium San Francisco. I'll be at Cobbs. This is all in the next two weeks and then I will be At the Royal Oak Theatre in Royal Oak, Michigan. The Buckhead Theatre in Atlanta Paramount Theatre in Philadelphia and then we added a late show to Redbank Vogue Old Dancoder.com for me. And And then my, my new podcast, Sodor, will be coming out in two weeks. What?
Starting point is 01:25:30 Just my last name. I couldn't, I didn't want to come up with a name. Wow. So just leaving us again. Fucked up. Damn dude. Wow. Joe, what do you got besides a new baby?
Starting point is 01:25:41 DC improv, November 17th and 18th. That's a good one. November 17th and 18th. And then that's a good one. Yeah. November 17th and then, uh, that's my last, uh, weekend of the year. And then, uh, Tacoma January 11th through the 13th and then put Kipsey the weekend after that Pittsburgh improv March 28th through the 30th and go to punch up live dot com. Right? Put your live dot coms. I don't have anything yet, but I love those.
Starting point is 01:26:02 I'm telling you, bunch of live doc, bunchup.live doc, I'm gonna get the data of your fans and you know where the fuck they are, so you know where you can sound. And it's also completely unbelievable. It's also just a new kind of answer. Completely unsensitive. We'll not get struck down for monetization.
Starting point is 01:26:19 You should not, you put it up there, you can charge for stuff, you can give it for free. I'm putting stuff out at the beginning of the year. Punchup.live is the next thing for comics. If you don't get on it, now you're a fucking idiot. I'm gonna put some, be putting some stuff up there. Yeah, the future or a website. Well, no. You get, you actually get the data, which is great. Unlike YouTube. What do you mean that you get all the data from YouTube?
Starting point is 01:26:38 No, you know, you're gonna get emails. You get no emails. Oh, okay. You get all the, I got thousands of emails from my special up there. I wish I put it up there before. So, I got a lot of lives have coming up. I'm not touring until the new year, but a brand new tour, the meaty ogre tour happening in a city near you. Already up on the website, email is Pennsylvania, Saratoga Springs, Tampa, DeMoyne, Red Bank, New Jersey,
Starting point is 01:27:02 Royus, Red Pennsylvania, St. Louis, American Comedy Company, San Diego, and then more. There's like 10 or 12 more cities confirmed. They're all going up on the website. So grab tickets at Lewisofsksanks.com. Check out my other pods, Legion of Skanks, and Real-Ass Podcasts, all available on the Gaster General Network. And yeah, make sure you guys fucking suck and fuck.
Starting point is 01:27:20 But the show's not over right now. No, I got my plus. Go to punchup.live, watch my special. For free, kill boxes up there. I actually just put a bunch of other things up there. We're gonna be putting a lot of uncensored clips, comedy clips, stuff I can't put on Instagram, or Twitter, whatever the fuck it is,
Starting point is 01:27:39 TikTok because they'll take it down and fuck me. It's going up on punchup.live. So go there, check out my special, check out all my other stuff, and also go to robbercallylive.com. Can you pull the thing up for me? You fucking asshole, Max. Check out my special too, half hour special on my YouTube channel. I'm gonna get a fifth intern.
Starting point is 01:27:59 These four suck. I mean, can you pull the fucking thing up? Robbercallylive.com, you fucking turd. I mean, what you pull the fucking thing up? Robert Kelly live.com, you fucking turd. I mean, what are you mentally ill? I'm gonna be, pot's down, PA. Oh God, go back up. I fucking hate this kid. The 11th, I'm gonna be at Soul Joes.
Starting point is 01:28:20 I'm gonna be at Baltimore, the port for a weekend, brand new club and work in improv Comedy theater and Dayang by beach floor. I don't know. Don you don you thank you Lewis. Don you beach. That's clubs very fun I heard it. It's great comedy work Saratoga in January. I'm gonna be at the Bubs pub in Germantown, Wisconsin Glendale all over the place. I'm going back to comedy connection on the 26th of January, one of my favorite clubs in the world, Uncle Vinny's side splitters.
Starting point is 01:28:51 I'm doing a whole West Coast floor to run in March, June. And I just booked McCurdy's in between there. So we're working in 2024. Check it. No, no, no, it's 2023. I plug 2024. I mean, 2024. Yes, it is early. So there you go. I was just doing try to try three nice talking to you. You just do a theater. So I'm doing clubs. I only have one date because I have a child. I'll be I'm
Starting point is 01:29:15 Well theaters are crazy because if you don't sell it out, you don't make it such a big cost on the theater. Yeah, when a club doing smaller theaters, Buckhead's not that big in cost on the theater. Yeah, when a club doing smaller theaters, Buckhead's not that big in Purcell, you'll sound out. You'll say people love me. I want you to say you fucking you're kicking ass. Thanks. You killing it. Dude, you're doing theaters. But yeah, Paul, you're a shoulder's back a little. You're doing theaters. Don't try to do that. I was trying to do that. I'm sorry. I mean, I've we're doing episode. You're doing an episode next week. I'm I on next
Starting point is 01:29:42 week. I'm knuckleheads. Yeah, you're coming to know Wednesday. We record. We already have it down in the calendar. Oh, yeah. Where do you record? My apartment. Some have both of you guys. Nice. I get a baby.
Starting point is 01:29:51 Lewis after he fights. He's allowed to smoke weed and... I can smoke weed. Okay. All right, so what we're gonna do now, we're gonna see who has the cutest baby photo. And I think I'm, I think it pretty much goes with what's saying. I'm gonna be numero.
Starting point is 01:30:02 Do it. Oh no. Can I say cutest? I mean okay here's dance dance is unreal I mean dude cute as in what as an authorable I'll say this photographer sucks I mean this is like out of focus I can see how good it is 83 I mean dude is 83 stinks it's like 85 you're like You're like It just looks like this isn't you which is looks like it like like an old man It looks like an old man. Yeah, I got all right, dude. I don't want to punch in me
Starting point is 01:30:34 Yeah, I want the blog nurse keep me my binky. Yeah, your mouth looks like it makes moonshine I don't need the red things a wheelchair. Yeah, I got you know what's funny is I lost my legs in Korea Yeah, but I don't like one eye is kind of off. Dog I've always been walked and you know that. No, you're adorable. This is adorable. Fuck you, Joe. That is not adorable. That's your adorable baby. Yeah, it's an adorable old man. It's an adora. Every good baby looks like you do have Louis's hairline, which is a little little
Starting point is 01:31:02 Jesus. You'll see whatever this thing is. What was that? What was that? That's not natural. They positioned you like this. You're not even smiling. little Jesus Whatever this thing is That's not natural. They positioned you like this. You're not even smiling. You're farting. Yeah, okay Wait guys, this is me. He's totally chilled out That's a good job. You do You fucking giant ears Yeah, dude look at the size of the ears. Look at this little sweetie pie. I like the collar Thanks dude popped
Starting point is 01:31:26 I think you look great everyone else is gonna try to shit on everyone No, they're even gonna try to say my photos bad You know it's coming for you. It's all you got button nose. You got big cheek. It's not a button nose It's a fucking you know it's just you know is better than it's got a button nose gonna zipper head Yeah, it's's too big for his mouth. I'm out. His mouth is out because his tongue is fat. This thing, oh Mrs. Soder, your son has fat tongue.
Starting point is 01:31:52 We're gonna have to cut some of it off. For sure, we can't say zipper head. All right, we. What is the zipper head? Is that all right? Yeah. Is Asians? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:32:00 Well, it's getting bleeped. We're bleeping half the stuff. We're bleeping zipper head. I mean, I'm retarded. I'm reclaiming zipper head for retarded people dude Let's go to the next baby I'm gonna call my bucket before Fucking bucket bucket over here. All right, let's go to the next one. I'm gonna great time. There's max
Starting point is 01:32:18 There's max max is I mean come on dude. Look at that body. I want to suck on Bobby's baby toes Max photo Come on, dude. Look at that body. I want to suck on Bobby's baby toes Bobby stuck in a max photo. Yeah, look at those toes. Look at those toes. That's not max What did he put in a filter to try to make it? That's what he did man. Did he's bringing you to a diner and take a picture in the booth? Dude, I'm fucking a Fuck you dude. I'm adorable. Look at that. Bob was two years away from being addicted to meth You know, it's funny. So I was so about three weeks That's right when I get my lesson for the first time. Dude, those eyes are almost touching.
Starting point is 01:32:47 I mean, close to the York you do a lot like Max. I'm cute as far. Look at that torso. I did that torso. I mean, it's not hot. There's one. I just want to kiss your cum gun. A long hair too. Look at those long. Long. Look at that. Yeah. But this is a tough decision between Bobby and Dan. 100% not.
Starting point is 01:33:05 Oh, I'm adorable. I don't know what you are. It's tough. Bobby just spit. You did not a fucking durable. I would throw that other baby out. You kidding me? If it was spotted, just wait till the Zeppelin first.
Starting point is 01:33:15 If it was spotted, that baby would get tossed over the hill. Wait till this, wait till this episode drops and everyone sees how adorable it and versus your forever fucking. I look at it, did it with my smile. I haven't heard that. Why is your left foot on your right leg? Some challenge. I'm chilling. I'm home my cock up
Starting point is 01:33:30 But we look at his left bicep. Yeah, my god. Dude. Why is your right arm all week? Look at that fucking. No, that's your right arm. Hey Jack dude. No, that looks nice. Oh, that's really beautiful It's actually making me said knowing what you will go through. Yeah, that body has no idea what's coming. Well, when I see this, when I see this little adorable baby, I go, I understand why somebody made him succodic for a steak. If I had a steak and I saw that mouse, look like this. I mean, there's no other solution. Why is that big you worry?
Starting point is 01:33:58 Why is that big you worry? I'm just for that, but Jesus Christ. Why is your baby, why are you wearing lip gloss? That's not, that's fucking my lips. And you know I have good lips You have great, so don't don't question though. You went after my cutie-dorable fat cheeks Yeah, yeah, you had a big tongue, dude. Yeah, it's hard to imagine Bobby not taking the crown But we haven't seen Lewis yet, okay, and I got a little something up my sleeve. Let's go to Lewis. Let's go to Lewis
Starting point is 01:34:19 That's not me. That's not me at all. You're all Puerto Rican girl Puerto Rican little green getta That's not me. That's not me at all. You're a poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor,
Starting point is 01:34:27 poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor I'm not gonna high Lewis that little Superman curl. That's got me. It's fucking cute. Dude. Oh, damn it. I'm being I'm crying because my mom's pass out with a needle in a room. Yeah, top left. The top one is he's being thrown from the father to the mother. Take this fucking thing. Top left. You are adorable. And the handle is poor and violent. So that's poor violent. Oh, I see. Wow. It's my sister's that's That's my sister's poster. I see. I tell you, Lewis, you're a little, you're, I mean, you're a little cutie, petudi. Can you move your huge head? You're, you're, you're very cute, but third place for sure.
Starting point is 01:35:16 I'm just going to be straight with you. Third place. Are you looking at the, why is he, you're angry as a, you're angry as a baby. My mother was a junkie. My father was a pimp. I understand I'm not saying you had the easiest life or you have the third best. He really fat. He was a giant blimp. I'm doing poems now I love it. Keep going by the way Lewis No, it's nice. You're very cute. You're very attractive now great lips. Obviously good. I that fucking
Starting point is 01:35:42 Superman curls you got lips hips and enough for the needy. But the superman curl, it's like a prop comic. Didn't rhyme. It's something you got a thing that's nice. No, no, no, no, no, no. I had curly curly hair and that was naturally it felt that way. That is not stupid. That's superman curls.
Starting point is 01:35:55 Lips and sexy tits. Yeah, it's nice. But I mean, you could have rhymed. I mean, look at the pain in the little, the face on the bottom left. Look at the pain. Look at the pain on the right. Why was James? You're telling me what? Yeah, I love that.
Starting point is 01:36:08 If this is a pain, what in the hospital was being born? I need a booby. If it's a pain contest, you know, sure. But this is a cute little time. I don't know. James was a cute little boy though. He was a cute little boy.
Starting point is 01:36:20 Oh my God. He's a little monkey. He's a little kid too. We can't say monkey. Can we believe that, please? Hands a little zombie. Hands a little zombie. He's talking. You had some little kids too. We can't say monkey. Can we believe that please? Handsome little zombie. You look like a little black zombie.
Starting point is 01:36:29 You look like a little black zombie too. You were really. My father was fucking straight up Afro-Latino. He looked like a fucking African. Yeah, you would definitely darker as a kid. I can't wait till they come after me for saying the end word. I'm just gonna post a picture of my black dad. He's okay with it.
Starting point is 01:36:42 My black dad says it's okay. All right, it's time to bring out your headliner everybody. Let's go. Good openers for all warmed up. The baby you've been waiting for. We're all warmed up. Joe Liss. Yeah, the head auto.
Starting point is 01:36:56 Oh my God. Oh my God, dude. Boo yeah. Watch it. What an angry truck driver. Were you looking at a mirror? What's up with that face? How did you you born during the Great Depression? How did you have herpes already on the fold of your right arm?
Starting point is 01:37:10 Look at my hair looks like I have a Yamaka on the top of my head. You got a buzz cut. We just come back from my rack. Oh my god Those nostrils look at those I got I got zombie chimps I got my god dude that mouth was the same size though. Yeah, you didn't have teeth You didn't have teeth and they were fucked up then. So you're the ugliest baby I've ever laid my eyes on. I'm not gonna say that. It's like the opposite of the Gerber baby. That should have been a fucking contest for you.
Starting point is 01:37:35 You should fucking. I've never seen a baby with a man's face immediately. Wait, can we pan out a little because I have like compression socks on that I thought. Really? So we pan out. The pan out means I cut him out. I thought. Really? So we pants. The pan I mean. I'm gonna cut him out.
Starting point is 01:37:47 I know. But my pan I mean get closer to his face. You can hit them if they want. I might further away. I used to I used to stick up a max. Yeah, I thought I sent the whole thing. I got some fun sucks. God, you fucking your mouth is disturbed.
Starting point is 01:37:58 I just look like you have gel in your hair. You look like you like you be like this. The spokes baby for a coal mine. Chuck the view of maybe has black. Oh, well, have these symptoms? I'm sorry it was a boring privilege like you Lewis. Yeah, look at those big full eyes though. Full. Well, you got a you got a fucking black eyes nose. How thick is that nose? Holy shit. Yeah, but Joe Yeah, you have shark eyes. I don't know if black. I have pesty eyebrows getting in the way Yeah, for real you look like the terminator after you got thrown out of the car and then eyebrows
Starting point is 01:38:36 No, I think I'm not as fucking atrocious to on your mom That's my sister. It's like an eight year old girl. Yeah, yeah, I was a woman behind him. Is that a child? That's my sister. It's like an eight year old girl. Yeah, I was a woman behind him. Is that a child that's a sister? Yeah, I think I take it honestly. You take it, yeah, you take it if it was the ugliest baby. I do have like boots. I mean, I think it goes. Oh, there it is.
Starting point is 01:38:59 That's the compression socks, baby. Look at that, dude. How are your legs skinnier than your arms? Why is it takes so long to make it bigger? That's what Dawn said She knows what that was good. That was good stuff. There's boots. They look like a wrestling boots. It was good. Yes, fuck you Dan. All right. You pep talk and asshole. It was good. We all laughed. We got it good stuff. Shut up Hey, I hope your podcast fails.
Starting point is 01:39:26 Hey, I hear tonight. Here's what I say we do. This is what I think. I got an idea. We need peace. Four pieces of paper and pen. Then we write. See this ugly. Then we add them up. Lowest score wins. So you rank Bobby one soda two. Lewis Joe four. It's everyone's is going to be in that order. We all add them up individually secret ballot. They count them up lowest to highest highest score is the worst. All right. I mean, you lost the best. We'll see. We only want to tell you one of the word about Joe. Please explain how it works. Just one more time in detail. Well, you have a low IQ and you're all looking at me like I'm retarded. Can we get some pens and paper?
Starting point is 01:40:06 Joe, you lost. We'll see. No, we know. We're looking at your face. Genuinely, I'm just wondering if I'm gonna be Bobby. You're not. You can't. Your body was a treasure.
Starting point is 01:40:16 My body's a wonderland. Your Bobby is a wonderland. There's no way you beat my baby body. We're not going on bodies, dude. We're going on sweet. You're going on everything. And it's. We're not going on bodies, dude. We're going on sweet. You're going on everything. It is head to toe. I had to touch.
Starting point is 01:40:27 I judge the body is one score. The face is another score and then I combine the person. What are we doing? What are we doing? Ranked. First, one, two, three, four. Oh, I guess I'll use my boogers to write on this. Wow.
Starting point is 01:40:41 I got a little flag there. Danny, go ahead. I got you. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. So hold on. One was Dan.
Starting point is 01:40:50 Don't say it. No, no, one was Dan. I mean, in the order that's the kind of number one is the cute. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, you. There's my Louis Bobby. And then I write the number next to him. Don't say it. I write the number next to him.
Starting point is 01:41:00 In order. The number next. The lowest score wins. Yeah, I got it. Well, it doesn't sound like you got it. Fuck head All right here Officially who the cutest baby is oh Okay, there we go. It also doesn't have to be a secret ballad. Yeah, I know it doesn't have to we don't have to do this
Starting point is 01:41:23 We can reveal later, but it's we can stay home and not talk All right, so that's probably we're trying to be silly and have fun. We're trying to have a good time over here. Okay, you know, okay, I like your dentist Miller. Are you ready? It's half half Miller half clipped. I mean, it's going to take him 45 minutes to add these five. Oh, he's autistic. It's taking up five seconds. Yeah, he just has to look at the paper in or He knows right now now getting the papers. What's that? Some of you misunderstood the instructions. Really? I'll how do you know I will hit you in your flight? It's someone put me as number one I will hit you writing your face if you ever say who do who messed up? Well, you know who's so what is the issue?
Starting point is 01:42:02 But you know who's so what is the issue? But people just rated one two three four in order instead of giving them a one two four rank. No, that's the fuck Oh, he's yes, that's the order max take over Oh No numbers next to there if it says one that's the number one there's no numbers That's the order of the cuteness my assumption is I put the name and then I put the number in In terms of one through four what I thought I did the same thing Dan, did you not do that what you put one through four in the babies? Everybody has numbers next to it right?
Starting point is 01:42:32 Yes, let me look You can't look you're supposed to be Joe has a nice ass It's the same thing you fuck. Oh, I can't I can't I can't. I'm sorry guys. I mean Natalie's right there. She's not really so good. You could take over it. Any point she's just sitting there. Take over Natalie. Natalie's the best. Say something. You recorded my podcast and I went, can you edit this please? Can you please? Didn't edit it. Help them. Said I thought I was joking. Wow. Fuck me. What did you? What did you edit? When did she leave in? I'd rather not say just spit all Natalie. What did you leave in? I love Lewis goes. I love Joe goes. Can
Starting point is 01:43:17 you edit this? Yeah. I was like, cut all of that. And she's like, I thought you were kidding. Respectfully you've said to cut like four things in this episode. Well, I'm kidding. This episode. This is a good point. I like it man. I'm definitely better for the note. I'm joking when I'm not. I say edit like 20 times an episode.
Starting point is 01:43:34 So if I'm ever serious at the end of the episode, I go, I'm serious about that edit. Because I, that's a joke that we all make. My bad. Apology accept, I mean, apology given. I'm also sorry. Oh god, I love her. Does she, she apologized? That was crazy. my bad apology accept apology given oh god i love her she apologized nothing doesn't it feel like we had a connection
Starting point is 01:43:50 i they fuck up and they laugh at me no max you're an idiot see it's not i mean this is taking a lot to the most of the have a six is the least of the four that easy that it's not only please take over
Starting point is 01:44:04 now go in reverse order. Do we have it? Go fourth place, the third place, the second place. Who you want to lose it? No, we want to lose it. No, go ahead, go ahead. Who's the loser? So the most points Joe has 16 points.
Starting point is 01:44:17 So 100% of people voted me fourth. Yeah, you're the ugliest baby we've ever seen. Yeah, look at it. You even voted yourself fourth. That's right. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha outfit sucks, too. All right, go ahead Third place is Dan with fuck you guys Dan Oh, man, I suck my dick nine points suck my fucking that's shocking. Why is it shocking bring Dan back up?
Starting point is 01:44:59 It's adorable. I would I actually wanted to pick Joe before Dan You're out of your busy. I'm not I cannot believe you're out of your phone. Beat Lewis. All right. Second place. Gotta be Lewis. I mean, Dan, Dan has a dance trying to hard in that photo. Yeah, Dan, they they they propped you up in a way, but it's actually not cute. Yeah. And I bet they did some weird shit. It's not cute, Dan. They're full of shit. It's not cute. You guys are fucking. That's a phony photo. They made that happen. Yeah. They made that happen I put you a second but not this is before this is the equivalent of like a girl using a
Starting point is 01:45:30 Fucking filter on her face. They rage you cuter than you really nobody. No baby can do this You don't know that I'm a thinker and you little fist like a holding a pen like Bob doll. I don't like it Bob doll All right, who's second place? Second place is Louis. Fuck off. Yeah! Bobby again. I want to know lips.
Starting point is 01:45:49 I want to know the score. And I want fucking, I'm the sexiest baby. What was my score? How many? And what? Oh, Bobby get. Wow. Now who didn't put Bobby number one?
Starting point is 01:45:59 You two didn't put Bobby number one. No, because Bobby's not the good one. I put me number one. I put me number one. I'm sorry, let me ask you a question. What did you say? I said you're not the kids better. You're an asshole.. What? I put me number one. I'm sorry. Let me ask you question. What did you say? Said you're not the kids better. You're an asshole. It feels like I'm the only one that actually answered. You're a spiteful asshole. You're a spiteful at all. No, you didn't
Starting point is 01:46:11 think Lewis was sexy. I think Lewis is cute as hell. My his baby pictures. Cuted in the my baby picture. Angry little. I just I don't like Cyclops babies and your eyes are too close together. So I like Lewis is better. His little Superman. Yeah. Well, your ears are big. Yeah, I know because I can hear yeah You know you tongue is shitting You feel like a different I like you take everything I say and make it a positive. Yeah, your tongue is too big voices How can I do all those eyes? Yeah, your nose is weird dad don't give you Your nose changed the most
Starting point is 01:46:41 It was like a little push up button nose and like somebody said let me fix that Now it's a Roman fucking soldier mask Yeah, it's awful everyone write in the comments get the algo going put your rank them in the comments Yeah, I mean yeah, I I think your cute baby Dan, but they made you that that's not real. I was born this way now you are I was born into it. I was molded by the cute. All right. Well, I got a cute ass photo.
Starting point is 01:47:10 What do I get? Nothing. What? What do you think is the contest? You got molested, that's what happens. Because I was so cute. Yeah, that was good. Nobody touched you.
Starting point is 01:47:20 Now, well, to put me in that pose they did, they abused me to fucking, crooked my arm, I little, look at bone they did, they abused me to fucking crook my arm. I was looking boneless arm. Let's try to make our poses. Did all the right. Yeah, I got good. Let me get a fifth. Let me get a photo. Well, we got to all go on that photo and that's it. It's left arm. So let me go. Okay, you're going to go upside down.
Starting point is 01:47:46 Did a little hair curl Why it's funny to be an asshole Which one are you doing? I Joe take you hat off You know I'm allergic to uninteresting bits off. You know, I'm allergic to uninteresting bits. Oh, fuck. This is great. Look at me. Look over it. Look up and away. And angry. Make your mouth. That's it. I got it. Jababi, I'll do you.
Starting point is 01:48:22 Yeah, get your underwear shirt off, dude. We all do you. Yeah, getting your underwear shirt off, dude. He looks so much like Max. It's crazy. I know ears are a little big. No, the other way your body's going to be the other. Yeah. Get your right arm, your right arm, your hand a little more. No teeth. Lips together. Lips together. Right hand out a little more. Right hand out. Get put your right the other hand. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, that's we were all cute babies. What's your earliest memory? earliest memory. Oh boy. I don't
Starting point is 01:49:01 know. All right. good talk, boys. There you go. Nice episode. What's the earliest memory, Bob? My earliest memory was my being passed to my great-grandmother. I remember my mom was holding me in my grandmother's living room where we lives,
Starting point is 01:49:17 and she handed me to this old lady. That's good, the shit out of you. I auditioned, but never got that. That was a weird thing that I remember that. I remember the desk. I remember that, my grandmother's, those, you know, back in the day that you used to have a writing desk that you, she would do the bills that it would fold out
Starting point is 01:49:31 in the hallway, it was weird. I remember that. Yeah, it was weird. I started crying, I remember that. What was your first memory? I think watching goonies with my father in a hotel. Okay. Or, or we had a dog named Duky.
Starting point is 01:49:45 Yeah. That is dog, this dog was named Duky specifically because he shit all over the house. Like, it's such a Puerto Rican way to name a dog. It's like, Mira, what are you doing? Duky, how are you doing? He pooping.
Starting point is 01:49:57 It's Duky, man. It's like, it's such a thing like, we wouldn't have named the dog until we knew that personality trait of him. That is, that's like Native like Native Americans they they named the dog of what happens. Yeah, so I I remember just being on like I had one of those It was like one of those horses that had like four springs. Yeah, so like almost like down sign I like a shitty like a shitty toy, you know Yeah, but I remember being on this horse with my sister and not being able to get off because there was so much dog shit all over the floor So funny the floor wasn't lava.
Starting point is 01:50:26 Oh shit. We separated over shit. We had to touch the floor and shit. You gotta get from the couch to the oven. You're gonna jump over to the counter or you're gonna touch shit. Go get me the cereal. Don'ts that. Hi, Chai Chai. The floor is shit. I don't know. I remember he's no specific early memory. I do remember being, I mean, maybe I guess I remember things before that. I remember moving in the middle of the day.
Starting point is 01:50:47 I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that.
Starting point is 01:50:55 I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that.
Starting point is 01:51:03 I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I don't know. I have memories, no specific early memory. What is a memory? I mean, I do remember being, I mean, maybe I guess I remember things before that. I remember moving into my house, my parents live in, that was 86, that was four. I remember watching the intro to the NBA final, Celtics and Lakers, and then being like,
Starting point is 01:51:19 Karim coming out, we were all booing, and it was fun. I remember that. Yeah, that was fun. That's very fun. But I think I probably have memories earlier than that, but not like distinct that. Yeah, that was very fun. But I think I probably have memories earlier than that, but not like the distinct memories. Yeah. What was your first worst memory? First worst memory. Dookie the horse. Um, for me. Yeah. Oh, I'll go. The horse. Do you get
Starting point is 01:51:39 no longer to go? That's right. I got the horse shit. I was joking with Lewis. The way Lewis answered is can I go? I'll go first. Dude, with the horse. His good memory and worst memory is the same thing. Oh, my first memory is the worst memory. Dude, you don't remember nothing. Oh, I remember, we do a worst memory, first memory.
Starting point is 01:51:57 First. First memory, I remember the window of my parents bedroom when I was real little, like three. Like I remember them when we lived in Connecticut, I just remembered they had a window at the top like one of those like it was the roof you know and then like I just remember looking at the window being held looking out the window. And then the worst memories I remember my mom on the phone hanging up and then looking at me and going dad doesn't live
Starting point is 01:52:24 here anymore. Oh. And you go, well, that's brutal. You go, what does that mean? She was like, he just doesn't sleep here anymore. But after you phone, you fucking idiot. Not at least telling a story is worth story, but it's dad not living there.
Starting point is 01:52:35 And you're fucking struggling. I have, I'm not scrolling dickhead. I have to fucking put more money in my meter so I can continue to podcast. It wouldn't be a big deal to everyone at home because nobody would know this. You just did that. You do, you were on something else before that.
Starting point is 01:52:46 No, I wasn't. You, are you lying? No, are you, well, you were on before that. Nothing. You were scrolling before that through fucking stuff. I wasn't. You're saying that to make yourself right for some crazy reason.
Starting point is 01:52:56 You would, you just went right to the app. That's it. Yes. You're lying. I'm not lying. What was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, what was your, What was your opinion the eyes? What the fuck are you? I'm not lying. I'm not lying. You're fucking lying.
Starting point is 01:53:05 I'm not lying. What was your first, where's memory? I don't know worse. I don't know. I don't have to think about these things. That can't be true. It's your rules. It's fun.
Starting point is 01:53:16 Baseball is a great, great store, great stuff. You don't have a bad memory, you remember? First one? I don't know. What's the first one that you're like, fuck? I don't know. I don't know. I have a bad memory, you remember? First one? First one? First one? What's the first one that you like, fuck? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:53:28 I don't know. I really like it. I remember it in something. Damn, Joe. Lewis. I was a lot of, a lot of people. I mean, you Lewis is going to fucking clean us out. I said, I remember when my mom and my dad, like, fighting, we were living in a hotel, and
Starting point is 01:53:40 I just remember there was like, just broken glass everywhere. People passing in the streets. That's why we don't care. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That they were playing the Flores glass. We had different variants of the Flores, dude. The Flores blood. The Flores needles. The Flores spill drugs.
Starting point is 01:53:54 That's what the Flores food stand. The Flores. The Flores are the hookers. Damn, dude. Whenever you give memories of Moe is like, good job. You did a real good job in life. Yeah, no, it's fine. My worst memories when I,
Starting point is 01:54:08 when she married the second guy, I mean, the first guy, the piece of shit. Piece of shit, I was in my room on my bean bags fell asleep and I woke up to like screams and I, I was happy as ever. Yeah. And I went in the other room and my sister was crying. My mother was hunched over.
Starting point is 01:54:23 Oh, boy. And my sister was trying to use the phone and he took the phone and threw it at my sister was crying. Uh-oh. My mother was hunched over. Oh boy. And my sister was trying to use the phone and he took the phone and threw it at my sister's head. Okay. And then he punched my mother in the stomach. Yuh! And then my mother saw me and grabbed me and my sister and dragged us into her room. Yikes. And shut the door and I shut it and held it. This is a scene from the movie Not Without My Daughter. I remember that, remember that's distinctly dude. And you're making this up right now. You don't tell me I'm fucking it. It was Sally Field. Shut the fuck. not without my daughter. I remember that's distinctly, dude. You're making this up right now. You don't tell me I'm fucking.
Starting point is 01:54:46 It was Sally Field. Shut the fuck up. Not without my daughter. Shut the fuck up. And then getting emotional. What if he, I don't have a bag. I think it's so funny. He's triggered me.
Starting point is 01:54:55 He's triggered me. What if this is the climax to Wonderland? He's just triggered me. You know what I can see? He looks like the dude that my mom is doing. He looks like Billy. You couldn't even stop that door. Bobby's like open that door and Bobby gets he did head of though. He actually kicked the door and I went flying against the wall
Starting point is 01:55:11 And I slid down your first memory of flying I pretend I pretend that I was dead Anyway, he goes you not hurt you fucking pussy Jesus. Yeah Jesus yeah, and then he got a Booking I'm gonna throw up I was like And I got on a rollercoaster and got away from the zombie chimps Crazy yeah, that was that was the worst Jesus. That's a fucking horrible first memory Yeah, I was a bit mine was the phone call my like, man, whatever you don't have a mail influence. I remember my mom telling me my dad died. Really?
Starting point is 01:55:50 Yeah. How old are you, six? Four. Yeah. That might be one of my earliest memories, too. It's like, how did she tell you? Um, through... Jumped out of a cake.
Starting point is 01:55:59 He started! She was at a bachelor party. She set up a scavenger hunt for me and my sister She waited one clue that led us to another clue and the last one was what is it and there was this a death certificate No, she sat me down on my grandma roses bed And I remember being a blue comforter on the bed and she was crying and she was like your dad's dead Just that matter of factly like your dad's dead. Yeah, she's like a dad's dead And I just remember not crying like trying to hold it in like just being like no your dad's dead. Just that matter of factly, like, your dad's dead. Yeah, she's like, your dad's dead. And I just remember not crying. Like trying to hold it in, like, being like,
Starting point is 01:56:28 no, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Was that one that photo was taken? No, no, Bobby, obviously it was like one in that photo. It was Joe, oh, H. Fuck, it idiot. Relax, fuck face. Joe, do you remember your worst memory?
Starting point is 01:56:43 Yeah, it keeps coming back to me. I mean, I don't know, if we're going like tragedy things like this, I mean, I don't know, I don't have quite the... I remember my dad's back handing me in the face in a car, really. That's your fucking memory. That's what I remember. The one time your dad hit you? Ooh.
Starting point is 01:56:58 Yeah. Yeah, let's keep it a whole... What were you doing? I was like, I don't know, I wasn't doing anything. I was just being myself. That's what was so shocking about it. Oh, it was just being silly. You were just being silly, you were just being silly. Yeah, I's go. What are you doing? I was like, I don't know. I wasn't doing anything. I was just being myself. That's what was so shocking about it. You're just being silly. You're just being silly.
Starting point is 01:57:08 And then I had a hand print on my face. It was an improvement from that of the photo, technically. Could we be serious for one moment? Why do we often all take one we're discussing our faggy memories? We have to all give very real about it. Well, I didn't want to get real. Listen dude, you get that thing. And when you Listen, dude, you two get in that thing.
Starting point is 01:57:26 And when you're in it, you gotta get slapped the fuck out of the head. Yeah, guys, I'm in a bad place. Yeah, when he did that to me, I was like, fuck you, it was real. Yeah. Yeah, good way to end up on real serious. Yeah, funny stuff, dude.
Starting point is 01:57:40 It's actually the point of time is turning tragedy into comedy. Yeah, I thought it was to be funny. Oh God. Fucking idiot. Wow. We put Joe into a dark place. Right. He's imagined he's remembering that backhand from his papa.
Starting point is 01:57:52 His papa. It's a pop. Papa, we're white. It's like Papa. Um, father. Yes, father. So what were you? What was the moment that he's smacked you?
Starting point is 01:58:00 What was the thing you were doing? As I was saying, I don't know. I was just kind of being silly. And he was like, wow, just, and then I remember, yeah, I have a few memories like that, but it's some of them were older. I remember watching, I guess I was 11, so it's not an early memory,
Starting point is 01:58:13 but I remember watching the 93 World Series, and then my uncle Dale, who you know, and my cousin, my buddy, they all got jumped. They were walking home, and these like three gentlemen, nurses, jump, sounds. These nurses that Bobby does not want to use three zombie chimps they jumped out and attacked them and I came they came running in to like get bads like we just got attacked we got to go and it was like this crazy thing
Starting point is 01:58:34 and I remember thinking like what like down the street from my house people were attacked and jumped and then it was like a big thing in the police got called and then I remember my family saying like go take Joe to whatever to whatever town with this aunt because if he has less of an audience he'll be less he'll be less obnoxious and I remember thinking like I'm going through this trauma trying to have fun and and be I'm scared death and they were like get him out of here because he's annoying oh see we're trying to be funny in the moment because ever yeah just telling each other with baseball bats and a race
Starting point is 01:59:10 And I was just acting up or whatever they were like get him out of here because he's got too much of an audience here And I remember also being just that the this stuff going there like I got an audience you're like I'm doing good I just like when you're trying my mom would like She hit me or yell me when I start crying and then everyone talk about how tired I am he's just tired I was like no, you're a music Yeah. My mom would always be like, uh, you're weird. You like talk to yourself. You're like, bitch, I'm alone. Well, that nobody. I'm trying to just fucking. Yeah. And then nobody addresses the thing. Nobody sits you down and goes, well, you know, whatever. So then you just have to live your life being like at any moment.
Starting point is 01:59:40 So we're going to attack me. And then you go to Austin 25 years later and it happens again. And then do you go and talk to the guy that has the least amount of sympathy for you, Joe Rogan, where you go, I almost got attacked, he's like, defend yourself woman. He goes, that's a great woman. Now he said the opposite. He's like, he did the right thing.
Starting point is 01:59:55 You gotta get out of there. But his reasoning was that I could have killed him and gone to bed. Oh, that's what Joe does have that weird thing where he's like, he's like, he punch a guy, he killed him with one punch, and then they were your ass. He's like oh that's what Joe does have that weird thing where he's like is like Is like yeah do you punch a guy kill him with one punch and then they were your ass? Because chill you're a walking weapon Yeah, bro, you're like a real dangerous dude
Starting point is 02:00:19 Ah By the way, I do this exact bit in enough for everybody on I'm a long distance runner. By the way, I do this exact bit in enough for everybody, on you too. Right there. D-monetized, because I said, cut, so watch it at punchuplive.com. They demonetized you for saying,
Starting point is 02:00:31 cut. That's crazy. It's so random though, it's not even that because I said so much worse than mine than mine wasn't demonetized. Yeah, I talked to the guy at YouTube and I was like, what gets you D-monetized? I said, ask them and he was like, don't cuss for the first two minutes.
Starting point is 02:00:43 No, they specifically told me. He said, the C word for them is, Oh, C in the N word. Yeah, the N word. Yeah, exactly. He said, it's a nuclear bomb. It's just up there with the N word. Those are the two words if you said,
Starting point is 02:00:53 Yeah, he did say that to me. He goes, if you don't say the C word or the, he said, don't say, I guess I didn't say, Cunt and mine. Yeah, no. Which, you go, I did have a, Yeah, but you're not that dirty.
Starting point is 02:01:03 Yeah, but what's so frustrating, right? No, you're not that dirty. Yeah. But what's so frustrating, right? No, you're not that dirty. Are you kidding? I don't think you're that dirty. What do you do? Are you kidding? You being funny? Or you being funny right now?
Starting point is 02:01:12 What do you do? I am a museo. You're not that dirty. What's your dirty stuff? I'm literally one of the dirtiest comedians in the world. Are you a stupid, caught it? Just put it out.
Starting point is 02:01:20 Didn't the stuff I watched the other day, your house is not dirty at all. It's a joke about me sucking your cock on stage Bobby. Wait, it's a whole act. You invited Bobby over to watch your stand up. No, I showed him a bit. No, I asked him to see some stuff. I don't think that's that dirty.
Starting point is 02:01:35 I can't be true. It's pretty dirty. I have to pay the bill. But the way you present it is in that dirty. Of course. It's not dirty to you because you're a comedian, but like literally. And it was my dick. And it was my dick. So my, I know how dirty my shit is because James is such a big Santa
Starting point is 02:01:48 comedy fan and I can only show him certain things. So I know the standard of like where and there's like five or six bits that I can even show him. And even those bits his mom is mad that I showed him. Does he like have a comedy guy that he likes? He loves Gaffigan. Max loves loves loves Gaffigan loves what's his name Reagan? Yeah, good taste Max likes Murphy Judd he didn't have the whole thing but the good and go go though and bet Oh, I thought he was like I got a turn quick so these Vegas can't see my
Starting point is 02:02:16 No siren just a real bag Oh That's it in particular the goody-goo-goo falling down the stairs Yeah, he can go go dude. It was my first stand-up and I really showed it Po-o-o-va. That bit in particular, the Gunny Google falling down the stairs. Yeah. Gunny Google. Dude, it was my first stand-up that I ever really showed it. That's right. And he fucking, just he loves it.
Starting point is 02:02:29 Yeah. Eddie Murphy, I mean, dude. Eddie Murphy, when I was a kid, when I saw Eddie Murphy both those specials, that was like, I saw Raw first and then when someone put on Delirious for me, I was like, this guy's even better than me. The funniest thing in the fucking floor. I think Raw was better, right? No.
Starting point is 02:02:42 No. Delirious is better. Delirious is better. Raw had the butt. But the Johnny Carter. Raw was better right no the leaders is better is better raw the raw the but the johnny car is a second one right yeah was one where he like comes out and he's like talking about the lyrics yeah talks about the lyrics but he also but it's not the johnny car is a suffice for me and put that with the rest yeah no was amazing seventy seven great but there it's amazing but there's fat on it the whole
Starting point is 02:03:01 twister thing left hand great it's a lot of this long chunks of what's the Rocky one? Is that a rock? That's the lyrics. The Rocky. No, that's right. I mean, that's the best. That's from the audience. Yeah, it is.
Starting point is 02:03:13 It's rock. Do you know what I'm saying? It's gonna pay for it. Also, I'm a little white man. You must be just Rocky. That was a funny guy. I do love Sylvester Stallone. That's so good, dude.
Starting point is 02:03:22 He goes, they call the guy. I mean, we're talking about like two of the funniest, both of them are great. And Ryan Delayer is about the great two of the funniest hour and a half specials. And then he just said, I'm just not gonna do this anymore. I'm just gonna become a movie star. And he had the ability to be the best comic in the fucking world.
Starting point is 02:03:35 Like, it's bonkers how talented Eddie Murphy was. I mean, that whole bit of that. He was like 21. Yeah, 21 and 24. And his song wasn't that bad. No, he's 22 and 27. Party all the time. Party, IQ. You know what though? Party all the time. Party his song wasn't that bad. No, he's 22 and 27 party all the time. I could you know what though Party all the time's not bad. I love it. Brick James produced it to great. Those specials are the I hate myself and enough of everybody
Starting point is 02:04:00 We'll see you guys next time happy Thanksgiving happy Thanksgiving We'll see you next time happy Thanksgiving happy Thanksgiving Lewis congratulations on your win Check out of course Everything that we do, but mainly this we'll see you guys next time. It's the WREG.

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