Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - The Return of Colin Quinn

Episode Date: September 26, 2011

Comedian Colin Quinn returns to 'You Know What Dude!'   www.GloryHoleRadio.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Glory Hall Radio Network GloryHor radio.com Hey, what's up? Why don't we always say, hey, when you open up a radio show or microphone? I know. It sounds great on the mixer. I was just going to say that. What? I was going to say mixing but it sounds great on the big. Yeah, I was just gonna say that. What? I was gonna say it mixing what sounds great, but it sounds like someone's chewing gum. Well, I'm not getting fucking paid by

anybody for this. So anyway, this is the you know what dude? Podcast. You know that at the end of the day. Is that me? Yeah, but that could be any of us. That could be no. It's not really. No one does the same shit. Yeah. He does it a little differently. No. No. No. This is a podcast. This is my podcast. You know I hate him. He's awful He ruins things. I know that's that no that's what you think in your head. No when you see Norton Right now we're both if you haven't guessed it's Colin Quinn who's hanging out with me today But we're both for some reason. We're both wearing sunglasses. Merid aviators sunglasses on the podcast because Colin put his on to be kind of quirky and interesting to bust my balls and he didn't know that I had a pair right behind my back.

I should have known. See, we have a long history of sunglasses. One time we're doing a road trip. We go on a road trip and Bob were driving and Bob really hated the fact that I had so much money and yet I bought these cheap sunglasses. So please, please back up and remember the whole story. You just got lacic eye surgery. Right. And needed sunglasses. Right. Right. But instead of wearing nice sunglasses, like nice, the lacic glasses that gave me, I wanted to wear these cheap ones. So for some reason, a bug bobby, it bugs me because you're a fucking not a millionaire,

but maybe at that time, I don't know if that's like tough crowd days. You had money, dude. You lived in a fucking luxury building. I knew it was to struggle. I didn't have money. I was a hundred air. That's right.

And you had all this money and you could afford to buy a fucking nice pair of sunglasses So we're driving up to we're in a gig and we get to the parking lot of whatever was fucking rest up This what did you do this cocksacker reaches over and snatches my glasses? We froze them out the fucking under the road No, this is what we think we were coming out of the I picked you up at your house for this road gig, right and You had your wrap around sunglasses. That's what bugged me too.

They wrapped around your head. There were those cheapies you buy on the street from the Africans. Yeah. That, you know, like $5,000. That's $5,000. Now they're probably eight. Yeah, he grabbed a pair of those on the way home

from LASIK eye surgery. And, you know, most people have to wear glasses and just can't see for their lives, but you get to go get your eyes fixed because you have enough money for that. But apparently you can't splurge on the way home and get the fucking nice pair of sunglasses at Sunglass Hot for 60 bucks or 100 bucks.

And you got in the car and you loved it. I just, you loved it. It made you happy that I hated him so much. Yes it did. It made, because I knew you had the money and then we were driving. And it bugged me so much. We it did. It made, because I knew you had the money and then we were driving and it bugged me so much. We came out of the Burger King and you,

you were giggling and you had your glasses on and as soon as we hit the highway, I took him off your head and threw him out the window. Yeah, yeah. Throw him out the, on the highway. And then what did I do though? You drove on laughing. After that.

You drove back and picked him up. No, you bought me new one. No, are you fucking? What? It's such a fucking shallow gun. You don't remember what happened? No, you can just say you don't remember. You don't have to make up. Hey, you asked me what happened.

It's fascinating though that you actually, I came up with five different scenarios. Are you believed that you believe I know you One I was like, ah, that's good. You were you went you went back and got them you bought me new one Fucking hey listen. I'm in prof. You're a I'm UC baby. I never deny what do they say yes, and you know You never say no. Yes, and I gave you my sunglasses that were expensive sunglasses. That was a nice, I gave you those so you can wear those for that day. Yeah, you love sunglasses. I've talked about this on the podcast before.

You don't know that about me? Yeah. When I was in Jewish camp for that summer, I had to go to Jewish camp for a summer because my foster father was Jewish, Ken Lass. And Jewish camp sounds a summer because my foster father was Jewish, Ken Lasson. Jewish camp? Sounds like a Auschwitz. No, it's not that. Not in Jewish camp now.

Jesus. Jewish camp now. We had to go to camp and I was so fucking sad and lonely I created an alter ego called Shades and I got a you know the tape cassette briefcase is used to have to put all your tape cassettes in it was like a little briefcase made out of cardboard I took all the tape cassette holders in there I wrote Shades in graffiti writing on the inside flap and then I took all my cheap sunglasses. I didn't have enough money. I bought gas station sunglasses and I had

around 20, 25 pairs of them and I put them all in the briefcase in a row and I wrote Shades and that's what I used to call myself because every day at the camp I was a lifeguard. I'd wear a different pair of Shades.'s a disturbing. Yeah, nobody knew. Nobody knew of course. I wrote shades thinking that someone would start calling me shades. Right. And I'd just answer to it. Yeah.

Like, you know, but nobody called me shades. No, nobody, how would they know? Because I was wearing sunglasses every day. And you think they'd be like, yo shades? Hey, shades. You would be like, hey, what's up, guy? I think I told one of the kids to call me shades. I think I think the only one that knew aside from you Of course would be like anybody a quanico that was profiling fucking serial killers would know

Go this man thinks of himself usually a man like this. They'd be the crime scene going a man like this Usually has an alter ego usually somebody who's got like a heightened sense of self, somebody like, you know, either a guy with like crazy hats or like really big muscles or sunglasses or something like that, where's a lot of jewelry? You never had, you never had, you never came up with an alter ego. Now, let me ask you this question, when I was a kid and even, I did that at camp too, that year I was so, I was the only Catholic kid there, I was a kid, and even I did that at camp too, that year I was so, it was the only Catholic kid there,

it was all Jewish kids, and they've known each other for years. It was just generation of generation of Jewish kids. You know it was there, one of the kids, fish, John Fish. Oh yeah, I think you told me that. He was one of the kids, but I actually made tents. I used to put blankets around my bed to make a tent

to kind of seclude myself. Do you ever make tents as a kid? Oh yeah, sure. So put the blankets up and try to make a tent, yeah. Yeah, have a little sleep-off when you're like seven. You fucking put up a tent. Was it bad to do it at 18? Not at all.

Tents are cool. At 18, well you're a counselor at a camp with other 10-year-olds when they weren't making tents, and you were making a tent around your bed and calling yourself shades. I'm just wondering if there was a problem. Yeah, no, I'd say that there's a for deeper minds than ours. That means a fucking profiler for that one.

Yeah, that's a fucking, it's a bad one, man. It's a bad one. You just one step from being a guy that lives in the woods by himself with his sunglasses for that one. Yeah, that's a fucking, it's a bad one, man. Yeah. It's a bad one. You just one step from being a guy that lives in the woods by himself with his sunglasses and like drags high school girls there, kills them and then puts on different shades on them. Like and this is Janie. She wears these shades and I was like, oh really was the rest of her body.

Now just her head, you know, the shades, you just need sunglasses. You need a head, you don't need a body. Yeah. You just need a head, you know, a shade. You just need sunglasses. You need a head, you don't need a body. Like yeah, right. You look around in the woods and all the chairs I've collected, like the back seat of a car and maybe a milk crate and all these chairs that I made. And there's just pieces of bodies, which shades on them, these drums that I've collected.

And I'm having, but I'm having a party late night. And if the camera pans in, it looks like there's a real campfire going. And I'm talking and if the camera pans in it looks like there's a real campfire going and I'm talking and telling a story and then you look around and it's just dead girls with shades on. That's a great scene. Yeah, that's a great scene. Some of these f***** great scenes. Creep young f***** talented cocksuckers. Listen, I just wrote it. Yeah, turned it in. They're going to use it in that movie. How you doing man? I'm okay, I just got back from the road. You know, it was a gonerle summer.

Doing the show on the road. I did a new haven, Montreal. I did it in Philly. Did it in the Hamptons. It's in Chicago. You wrapped up in Chicago. Yeah, I love Chicago. Was it good?

I love Chicago. I love Chicago. Was it the best spot in Chicago? No, the best spot on all the places you just name just name including New York if you can put that in there Um, would you put New York in there? No, I mean New York was like a six-month New York is Broadway, so you get to take that. Yeah, that's the shit So I mean the other places where Chicago really it was just the most crowded and it was just the best like you know Such a theater town. They love the theater there.

I didn't know they love the theater. Yeah, they love it there. Really? Oh, it's ridiculous. I didn't fucking know that. Yeah. And that was the best. It was just packed up.

No, it was never packed. What about the pizza? Yeah, the pizza was great. I mean, deep dish pizza. I'm not really that much of a fan of. I don't really worry because I feel like it's just, you might as well just get chunks. If we talked about this, I think just giant globs, chunks of cheese, and meat and sauce. You might as, you're just kidding yourself.

It's a pale, made out, it's a bread pale filled with cheese and meatballs and sauce. I mean, yeah. What's wrong with that? Nothing, but I like the the I'm used to the proportional cheese. You're used to you like the pizza. You like folding up a pie. I like folding up that pizza, but I have to admit it was pretty, you know, it's pretty amazing. Did you have a beef sandwich? Like I told you? No. You didn't go to Al's? No. Really? I went to, um, I don't like beef that. I mean, I like roast beef if that's what it was. That's what it is. Shit. But um, I made Tim Meadows take me out. Tim Meadows is that he's from Santa I like roast beef if that's what it is shit, but I

Made Tim Meadows take me out Tim Meadows is that he's from Santa alive The black guy was on for like 12 years switch black. I not Tracy Look you keep asking I'm playing along. Yes, and I'm an improv guy for tonight. I never did not guys. So I go um I like that by the way. That's a nice little touch right here. What? This little Japanese kind of window thing. What are you the fucking? I like it.

Are you the, are you the dog and up? Squirrel. Focus. Fucking dummy. Don't call me a dummy. Now listen, I, because why? In the middle of a nice podcast. I'm sorry. You know what you want this I let a candle so that we know I kind of like this So it'll be calmer for me and you so we don't attack you. Yes. All right So so I'm sorry so Tim Tim Meadows goes I heard that Tim Meadows goes

goes Takes me out and make him take me out all over. And he's like the worst host of all time. Like he's the most resistant host you've ever met. Why? Just because his whole, his whole attitude is like, yeah, man, okay. And so we're driving through the neighbors. I'm like, what's his name? We're going, you know, I don't know, Lincoln Park. I go, that was Lincoln Park three miles ago. He goes, yeah, this is something else. I was like, like all right, you know don't strain yourself. So then finally he felt guilty because I tweeted about him So all my Twitter followers not trash and Tim going you screwed him, you know how could you?

So he was shocked. I guess he's relatively new to Twitter. So he wasn't used to all this kind of abuse So the next time I see because yeah, man your Twitter followers are cock those cock suckers man. The fuck man. So they are cock suckers. So then he took me out to a nice barbecue place down a Polesky Skyway and you know, a couple of other places. Well, I mean, here's the thing, as you forget that people,

nobody wants to be a fucking tour guide. I know. Nobody wants to fucking, and guys like me and you, we're just fucking, you know, national geographic douchebags. Yes. You know, we're just eager to discover shit, you know. Yeah.

You know, we're the fucking assholes that found the Galapagos Islands. Yeah. You know, there's something somewhere. What is it? We're just fucking idiots. Like I remember going to Guatemala with Jack Vaughan. I kept saying to him, you

know, what's this? What's that? He was like, it's a it's just a building. It's, you know, it's it's no. And then I remember we're eating. I'm like, what's good here? He's like, this if I only was just like, dude, it's a third world country. They have chicken, steak, and sausage, rice and beans, some salad. That's all you're gonna get on every fucking menu. There's no exotic fucking dish of Guatemala. Right. And he was a vegetarian too. Oh, and he kept trying to fucking smooge my rice. Um, he was a vegetarian trying to head on the whole time. Who's that? Jack. He didn't hit on dawn. Why would he hit on dawn? You said tried to smooge my wife my rice That's not what you said you said you said wife. No, I said rice. Wow. That was a fruity and slip That was not I said rice. Thank God. This is a podcast. We're gonna hear what you said. Well, I say I said what did you hear me say?

Don't you fuck don't thank you don't thank you don't yeah exactly and I We have four good ears telling you that. Oh, I have a bad ear. So you even run that in? I have fucking bad ear for 12 years ago. Is the microphone, is the headphone on your good ear? It's on both of them, but I can only really hear out of my right ear.

I know, I had a bad ear. I told you how that happened, right? No, you got, you were in NAMM? Yeah, I was in NAMM in 1989. And you dropped Keith Robinson off of Woodbridge one night. I fought fought right out the window no, I got like these Bad like headaches like spinning like I had vertigo very badly and

I ended up getting really bad vertigo attacks really and I started vomiting like projectile vomiting like once a week for about six months. And with every doctor, no doctor knew what was the matter. And then, you know, for like six months, and finally just went away. I mean, but I mean, for six months, I was getting so, but anyway, I ended up vomiting so badly, and he's spin, spin so badly. It was on the ground. And I couldn't move like for from a whole day It almost always happened on a Sunday a whole day. I'd be lying there sweating and throwing up and Finally just want to wait but anyway doctor came to me and they said you lost mostly hearing the ear because of that and I was like Jesus damn it and he goes hey, I thought you had brain cancer. You should be happy. So it's hollowing at me

I was like Jesus Christ doctor. All right. Sorry. I'm you know what you thought I had You know you told me you a brain cancer. I, you know, you should've told me, you were brain cancer, no, just kidding, you just have a better ear. Then I would've been along on the game. I didn't have your thought process in my head, your cock sucker. I can't see later.

Alright, let, don't talk on the podcast. She breaks that rule all the time. She's not supposed to talk on the podcast. She was supposed to go like, yeah, she's supposed to, you know, I don't mind a dish or maybe a cup being put down for one of my guests. An angry sigh, an angry sigh, a huff up up. We would fight in a lot lately, bro. Well, let's continue. Well, I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. I, let's continue. Well, I feel bad. I feel bad in the eating. I quit eating. It's been almost, it's going to be a week Wednesday.

I haven't eaten shit. But I feel bad, too, because I did that quitting with just, I just woke up one day. I'm done. So she had a follow. She actually, you can see she went, fuck me. She was like, all right, you know, and she's been smoking longer than me.

She has. Consistently. Right. Because I quit for nine years. When I got sober, I remember. I quit for nine years. I quit when I stopped drinking and using drugs. I quit cigarettes too, and rehab.

And for nine years, I didn't have a cigarette. And I, you know, it's so weird to I said I smoke in cigars. So guards would bring you back to cigarettes. That's right. I'm gonna give a fuck. What you say? You're gonna be out somewhere. You're will bring you back to cigarettes. That's right. I'm gonna give a fuck what you say. You're gonna be out somewhere, you're gonna want to back out. There's not gonna be a cigar place. Then you're gonna want to puff it on a butt. And then you'll be back at cigarettes. And

that's what happened. So it's I watched the you know, now I'm watching all these fucking movies on being fat and fucking dying. So I went on that meta fast, which is you know, now I'm watching all these fucking movies on being fat and fucking dying. So I went on that meta-fast, which is, you know, it's all process shit, so my farts are insulting, it's just disgusting. Insulting, they're disgusting. My farts are just disgusting, Quinn. I mean, awful, like awful. My dogs like, like yeah leave the room But is it really such a thing as a good fart? Yeah mild ones once in a while some girl will make a fart

It's kind of okay, but I know I think thoughts are awful, but they're funny and cute. Yeah Yeah, you know what I mean mine I told you the other night. I'm at the seller I come out of the seller great night. I had a good night. I did the first two shows on Friday shows were amazing wrote a new joke on stage How fucking great is that the best and it's a joke It's an idea that I've been trying to fucking work for years and I even wrote a joke about it It's great, and it was a joke joke and it was good, but it never fucking worked. There was something that happened the other night on stage. I'm kind of going off in this fucking tangent now, but something happened the other

night on stage where I kind of just I used to be this comic this, you know, me energetic fucking sweating, screaming, fucking the stool. And then I kind of got out of that a little bit, and now I kind of went off to this other thing where I still have that energy, but not as much, and, you know, kind of words and stuff like that, trying to work, but it's never been awesome for me, but not like this weekend, something happened on stage where I kind of went back to the old thing, but had the new thing. Yes, it's a great feeling.

And I kind of went on this rant about something and all of a sudden it happened and I was like, what the fuck? And I got an applause break. It's great. And I talked about like this crying, like you know, my girl has that crying button where she just, you know, women can just,

she can just cry. She can just hit that eject button whenever she's in trouble in an argument, whenever something's going on, whenever she looks like the bad person, and she can just start crying and bring up stuff from the past and all of a sudden, I'm done. I'm done. You know, that's why we went to therapy together.

We had to stop because she just started crying. So I'd start to make a point about her being, you know, what she does and my therapist really well done and she like, well, and all of a sudden it's like, ah, fuck session over. So you I'm like, I'm like, we're not going anymore. She's like, right, fine. I go, no, we're going, but you're going to her, his wife, right, and I'm going to him, right?

So I made her go to his wife. It's great. But I did this whole bit and it came out on stage at the end. At the at the end it was like an applause break and I was like oh my god. Thank god Yeah, I recorded it. Oh my god. Forget it. God. I fucking hit that recording I record all the time and I don't listen to him all the time now me neither He listens to when you have something important like that. Thank God Because let's face it we have to record for those of you that don't know the comedy scene of the seller We have to bring our recorders and record on our iPhones because if we don't we won't get a copy of it

Even though they tape every show right there's a gentleman there who after his set goes Oh, I need the tape and you know that motherfucker never watched one of those goddamn tapes this city is fucking house we're talking about Jim Norton Jesus come on he leads into the manager right after he said I need that tape I need the TV but uh... well yeah yeah you have to tape yourself they're trying to put a new system in the cellar, by the way. A new sound system, no new video system. Oh nice.

So you'll be able to get higher quality tapes and... Jim will be able to get higher quality. Yes, no, but I'm telling you, I'm not going to do a blue race. You've got to come up with some other way that you can do it. Maybe an SD card or something. So that way you can hold your copy. So you can just it maybe an SD card or something so that we can hold your copies So you can just get a copy of it, right? You don't mean something, but um we

I left I left great shows awesome shows came up finally come up with that joke. I had great shows and It was fucking I don't know something happened leave. I'm so gassy from this fucking Metafast food, I mean. My stomach has been distended for a week since I started. I'm farting, I can't, it's just, I can't, you know, every day my stomach's bloated and pushed out and farty and I'm always hungry and it's just awful. And I come out and I'm at the door and I'm paying the waiter and I cut a fart, which I've been doing all night, that nobody knows,

but I mean, it's just awful. And I thought I shit my pants. I mean, I was, I shit my pants. I thought I shit filled my pants up my underwear with shit. The only thing that I had in my favor is gone just bought me new tidy whiteies. Not tidy whiteies, they would type jockey underwear, so I knew I had in my favor is dawn just bought me new tidy whiteies.

Not tidy whiteies, they would type jockey underwear so I knew I had some support. I took my hoodie off, tied it around my waist, I just shit my pants at the seller and I walked out to get a cab and I was so fucking irritable. So fucking irritable. And I'm looking for a cab, there's no cabs, I can't take a subway because I shit my pants. I thought I shit my pants. Finally I see see a cab pull up I go up to it I stand there the guys taking forever to get the fuck out because it's a Friday night and everybody's drunk down there because people get drunk Fucking idiots you got to go get drunk and shit faced and poison your body to have a fucking good time

It doesn't make sense, but you know more power to you and then All of a sudden a guy walking up across the street, I'm in front of Ben's, this guy's way over an NYU. He's walking over going fucking fatso. Fatso take the cab, fat, the fatso grabbed the cab. He's got his food, he's drunk, yucky, he's fucking his fat, not fat, thin gorgeous, blonde girlfriend, staggering behind him. He walks right over the cab, gets in the cab that I've been waiting for and shuts

the door and then looks at me and I fucking lost it, lost it. Because I even talked to the cabbie, the cabbie was like, no, no, no, no, I go, dude, I'll give you a great tip. He's like, where you going? I told him, okay, cool. I look I Look in I go get the fuck out of you call me a fucking fat. That's the last thing I needed to hear I just quit smoking. I feel like a fat fuck. I am a fat fuck. I just shit my pants I'm trying to get home. I'm just trying to get the fuck home and you just a good-looking drunk Trust fun fuck-kunt with a fucking pizza in his hand

get a pizza box with his blonde fucking girlfriend behind him you call me a fatso and got in my cap. I snapped call. I fucking I want you fucking call me a fat fuck. I'll fucking murder you get the fuck out of my cap. He's like what get the fuck out of my cap. He's like, what? Get the fuck out of my cap. I get in the cab, shut the door.

He's like, I didn't call you a fatso, man. And at that point, I'm just like, fuck you, you fuck. Then a lunatic, New York crazy guy, one of the fucking, like, guy from Brooklyn to something, New Yorker, opens the door. He goes, fuck you, get leg in the cab. Fuck this motherfucker to me. So now I got two guys on me. So now I'm looking at this guy's got a Yankees jacket on

I want to go fucking fight him. I'm gonna fight this fucking guy. It's a horror show and the cab driver's looking at me going Come on, man. You good man. Come on be positive man. I love you, man. You a good guy, man I'm sitting like just go. Okay, just go and he said come on man This guy's in the thing going, you know, I didn't say that so I'm gonna fuck to the court This guy's like fuck I got people and then I go just go man go just go He's like okay, man. We go man. I'm like you fucking go Finally takes off I'm so flustered because now I'm like did the guy not call me fatso. Maybe his girl's name is

Fat son, right? I don't come on Fatso. I don't know. Maybe he's talking to the other guy. I don't know and I'm like fuck I'm fron. You know me. I'm coming down from all this and the guy's happy cabbie NYC. It's great No, it's not great happy Gab Gabby! It's your positive month! The whole way home, Quinn. The whole way home, he's fucking turning and if people who don't just Google YouTube Happy Gabby NYC. Yeah.

And this is the Gabby I got. And I'm so angry. I'm in my head. I just want to have the argument in my head. You know the fuck you're fucking kill, that fucking that thing you're doing, that violent rage fantasy you're doing your head you know what I mean just to get it out and this guy keeps stopping the cab turning the lights on and turning good come on man give me the pound sign happy cabbie you go you lucked out man God put you in this cab positive you have to be

positive and life is good life is great play for your sad of and dude rhyming and pot Then he turned the music up about house music flicking lights the whole way home I'm talking every three seconds you stopped and do this I love it. I wanted to kill him man. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to fucking stab him. I got home. I didn't shit my pants I Didn't shit my pants that I was just a fucking massive gas fight. So that is fucking I'll tell you Speaking of cabbies, you know a couple of times in my life back when I was a kid and was drinking I would try to take a cab but I lived in Brooklyn, but I worked in Manhattan, right?

So after work, of course, you know, I was bought and I get drunk, you know Try to get a cab back to Brooklyn, right? And even back then, they didn't like going to Brooklyn. It was less crowded city in the 80s. Right. One time I get in the cab, meaning the cab, I mean, I had a couple of literal fist fights with cabbys. Out in the middle of the street, come on, let's go. This one time I get in a fight with the cabbie, 20th Street in First Avenue, like Stivis and Town where I'd found that Yeah, we get out of the cab This is the unity of the city that I actually admire this story even though I'm at the receiving end of it

Get out of the cab. I go you taking me to book a new cocktail. He's like no, I'm not. No, I'm not Get out of the cab start fighting the guy Right there from against this yeah from against this cab with fighting yeah I'm like 22 like 4 cab stop I start getting this shit 4 cabs come out with like bat with little like rubber trunchens really and just start crack it I mean my head and the next day when I woke up of course in the lockup where I got arrested a few minutes after and my head was lumped like one like I had eggs all over my head I was like I went from being like the guy

who's got the cabbie against the car you cock suck it'd be like I mean just fucking smack and he should I mean they beat me down like all these cabbies pull over and I'm so drunk I'm not even noticing what a cab is a pull it over I just get pulling over for passenger I don't know I just got this guy against his cab thing fucking choking him or something then you oh oh oh and you know when you drug the first few shots you barely notice but then I was like oh oh oh it's just screaming like a little bitch getting fucking beating and then of course the cops come you know and they rest me because I'm like these fucking god yeah I just you know I turn it into such an ugly incident

of my obnoxiousness that they bring me and you you know, all they have to is look and go, who's the asshole in this situation? That's before you could even call them terrorists. Yeah, well, I, you know, a lot of them were white even in those days. I think a couple of the guys were hitting me with white too. So we're just all, this is like the early 80s. Wow, that's when they had the fucking big square metal caps. Yeah. Just old is like the early 80s. Wow, that's when they had the fucking big square metal caps Yeah, and they had and they all carried you know saps because it was bed crying cabbies were getting shot and killed all the time So they see a kid be getting beat up by somebody they were gonna jump in as they should I mean in retrospect I admired that kind of unity. That's what should happen in a just society right a drunken asshole

I mean the guy was wrong and I'd take me to Brooklyn, but he probably figured this guy said drunken dick. He's gonna under-tip me You know who knows you want to take it to Brooklyn because exactly who you were. Yes I was like what you did. I was like take me to Brooklyn You know kind of and it was just so crazy, but yeah I had a couple of fighting another fight with the cabbie one time and this was an Arab cabbie And this was in the 80s still early 80s young guy I get in the care of Brooklyn again this is on 49th and second because I used to buy 10 on 49th and second Brooklyn you know I'm not going to Brooklyn's looking at me I still remember his eyes in the mirror those angry like you know black eyes

just staring at me I'm not going to take you I was like you're taking me get going I'm not taking it get going oh yeah I was like fucking live it I was like this son of a bitch is trying to stand up to me I'm just fucking hot shot bartender you know I wasn't even like I was like the assistant bartender good that's it I go fucking winged door open that's it let's go I just need to do it at the bar when I work to whenever I get in all you know like a psycho customer I go that's it I get, I fly over the ball, go outside, stand there like this. And one time actually, anyway, we end up in a bootable,

this guy's like a kickboxer. I've got him, you ever gonna fight with somebody and you realize I'm in way over my head. Yeah. So I'm grabbing his jacket by the collars. Because I'm like, I don't want him to get, if he gets any distance, like even like another half a foot leverage, he's gonna fucking light me up.

I'm just holding on to his jacket so he's right against my chest. He can't do that much damage. Because I can tell this guy was like a kingbox and then the cops pull up right there, you know. And I was like, but what I used to do was I would always like just be like, that's it, outside right now. And whenever bar I worked and I just, just be like, that's it, outside right now. Whenever a bar I worked in, I just thought, that's it, let's fucking go, you know what I mean? And I would always get my hands kicked

but I just had these delusions that I was a bit of, so better come on, let's go outside. But I told you the bartender, did I tell you this about the bartender I used to work with, who was like the greatest bartender of all time, Freddie. It's guy Freddie Cavalero, greatest bartender who ever lived. This is when I worked in this bar. And then he was well known for it.

He remembered everybody. If you came in there once and had like a scotch and water, doers and water, he would the next time he came in a year later, he'd go, hey, Bobby, how you doing? Doers and water, Bobby? And he'd go, how's the job? He just remembered everything. So then finally I'm on SNL.

I worked with him for a while. Then I'm on SNL and I was his sidekick. I was like, you know, he just remembered everything. So then finally I'm on SNL, I work with him for a while. Then I'm on SNL and I was his sidekick. I was like, you know, who's my idol? Is this between remote control? No, this is 1981-82. When you became a trouble, you've never went back. Once I got remote control label in back, right? But during comedy, my first few years in comedy

was bartending. Okay. So then I go, I run into, I'm on SNL, I'm on SNL, I'm doing weekend updates, like 1998. And I fucking see Freddie, I haven't seen him in 17 years, you know. I remember him, because you remember me, he remembers everybody he ever met. So I, and I worked with him for like almost a year. I said, side bartender, great guy, fucking funny, charming, great charming guy to me. He's with his girlfriend a little Tepsy in this pool hall Amsterdam Billings. And I go Freddie. Colin Quinn, I figure

all these years he's probably telling people I worked with this guy and now he's on SNL. Hey, he just looks at me like he doesn't recognize me. I go Freddie. It's Colin. Colin Quinn. I bartender with you. He just looks at me with hate and goes, you think I remember every fucking guy I bartended with and just just looks at me with hate and goes you think I remember every fucking guy I bartended with and just turned around with his girlfriend and walked away He's shitting me, but it's a it's a lesson you remember every customer because they were given a money Well, I was doing was taking money away from Jesus man. It's interesting his memory. That's fucking weird Yeah, he remembered guys only people

that gave him something. He's not gonna remember the guys that were taking away. It's interesting memory thing, you know. What was the fight you got in, dude? I don't know, long time ago, maybe on MTV. Really? You fought somebody on MTV or? No, just a couple of times in bars, just scrapping with like, you know, drunken kids that were fucking a, harass you for no reason, you know? Right. Just a couple of mine and once, but, you know? Yeah, the other night I was,

I haven't been that fucking angry. You've saved me from fucking it in a fight a few times. Oh yeah. Yeah, that anger of rage, you just fuck you. Yeah. It gets you in trouble, man. That fucking anger and the thing is too, is I haven't fought in years too

So I don't know what the fuck I'm capable of anymore. I know how I don't know what fucking hammy I'm gonna pull or what oh my god. I'm gonna break back when I was a kid I break my knuckles or fucking whatever get stabbed I give fuck yeah, but now it's like I don't know how that's Psychologically gonna affect me when I feel Something go wrong my my shoulder pop out. Yeah. Well, even just years ago, even playing basketball, you used to play basketball all the time when I was a kid. We played all the time.

And then I went in one game about 15 years ago. And I was like, ah, you can still play, you don't get old. And I remember making a move. And knowing I was over here, but I wasn't. I was still at the other place. It was like a weird thing. It's the same thing I'm sure with fighting where it's like you think you did this, but you're a step behind and I was here, but I usually I was like, no, I'm over here now, but I wasn't there. And I was like, ah, that's what getting old is. You lose a step, literally, you know, so crazy. That's fucking weird. I got, I actually tweeted out

that we're going to be doing this and I got some questions. Oh, I'm going to take some questions from these fans of the podcast, which actually the podcast since the last time we did it has even gotten bigger. It has. Yeah, I got the numbers. Well, this week, fucking pretty crazy numbers. People with downloads and all over the world That's crazy people all over the fucking world from Australia to fucking Africa to Hong Kong Wow Africa, I can tell you right I can tell you right now where the fuck Arab sprints. Yeah Africa dude. How fucking crazy is that crazy isn't it nuts? It's

It's it's fucking crazy There it is right here dude. You ready? Yeah, you're the fucking stizzets stats by country We got a Canada's, you know, we got you know, you know, over a hundred thousand in the United States candidates Pretty thousands You know, we got you know over a hundred thousand in the United States candidates pretty Thousands all right, so we'll go down to the bottom turkey. We have 32 downloads from turkey. Wow Iceland Singapore Philippines Thailand Kuwait Wow Korea United Arabs. She's Israel, Belgium, Portugal, Australia, Mexico, Italy, we have a lot in Mexico. New Zealand,

China, Hungary, Malaysia, Germany, Netherlands, Norway, Finland, Japan, Sweden, Ireland, Australia. Jesus, a lot, a lot in, a lot in Japan, Jesus Christ. But yeah, I mean, most of it is in New York and the United States. So let's have some questions. I'm ready. All right. Let's do some questions from, uh, from the Fizz ants to, uh, I never do questions on this too, but you, I would fuck up. Oh, yeah.

Because, um, well, this actually is, uh, from, um, Jamie, P, I'm not going to give last names because I'm wondering what this actually is from Jamie. P, I'm not gonna give a last name because I'm dumb and sometimes I don't know, it's a better off anyway. What would you be doing if you didn't do comedy? You never went into comedy. Well, that's a good question.

I'd probably, I probably, I mean, you can never say for sure, but I might have either killed myself or, oh, Jesus. Well, because I remember working, I was working at the Bronx at the Department of Employment and I had to get up every day and go from Brooklyn to the Bronx. It took about an hour and 45 minutes by detrain, you know, and the detrain is a fast train. And I remember waking up like six in the morning and crying in the shower,

I felt so sorry for myself. I was like, eh, because I couldn't believe I had to get up every morning at six o'clock, jumping in the shower, jumping on the train for an hour and 45, you know, just a normal life. But I was a little bitch about it. So comedy saved my life. Bar tending was easier for me than working nine to five.

Right. But you know, sad though, that almost made me cry thinking about having to do that. Well you know what the thing is, people always come up to me and they say, you are so brave to get up and stage and do stand up and I always go, no, you're brave to work 9 to 5. That takes to me more courage, right? You feel the same way, right? That takes courage. Get showering every day at the same time and we're going out in the cold.

One of the greatest lines in Bronx tail that movie at Bronx tail was when he goes to his father You go when Robert De Niro as the father goes to son. I'm the real tough guy Let's see those guys get up and go to work every day. He goes that's the tough guy Right the working man is a tough guy and so true. You know what I mean like those guys I thought you're gonna say the part where we threw the Molotov cocktail at them. The line right before that. That was, I forget it.

I don't wanna be too. Well, the other thing, this is actually a good question too. And what I would have been, I don't even know if she was asking me, but what I would have been, I probably would have been, I probably, because I got so much so young, I probably would have been an art teacher, counselor, or something like that. Yeah.

Back in Boston. Yeah. I would have been something to that effect. I probably would have been a teacher too. Yeah. Something, something, you know what I mean? Yeah. Something easy, but not too fucking,

right, helping kids or something. But the next question is, what's the most famous pussy you probably could have had? I can't really answer that. Really? Yeah. I'm not gonna be talking at a school on a fucking podcast about the most famous pussy I probably could have had. I don't get me wrong. I won't. That's a great question.

It's fucking great. It's a great question. Oh my god. And it's not even, I know. It's what you, it's such a great question. We know why? Not who you fucked. I know. You could have. I know. So, I know it's what you it's such a great question. We know why not who you fucked. I know you could have I know I know but still I know but still I get away with it. Yeah, I'm a guy. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. It's a great question. Yeah, who's the Uh, who's the girl the blonde girl

That was in American pie Uh, what's it? Tower read? I could, that's mine. Really? Yeah, I probably could have been. I had, yeah, I had in Vegas and we were hanging out at the VIP room after I just killed on one of those crazy shows, the beacher shows and she, she's giving you a little rhythm, we were talking and talking and then you know who fucking cock block I allowed to cock block me Jeff no block

Oh another guy from the Yankees No, it's not Jeff. It's no Chuck Chuck no block. Chuck cock block. Chuck cock block. He no he no block you Well, he walked up all of a sudden it's Chuck no block and you know, it's like holy that's a fucking Yankee man That's fucking nuts. I'm a redx fan. I know I start talking to him. She was kind of like right to my right. I mean, Jesus, what a moron. I mean, look, well, it sounds like you blocked yourself. That's what I said. I blocked myself with Chuck the cock block. Chuck Nob, Chuck Noblock you. Yeah.

Mr. Quinn, could you remind Kelly to bring my donuts by the fan cave? Thanks. This is Mikey. You ever do the fan cave? No. It's MLB fan cave. It's right. Remember towel record used to be on Broadway, downtown?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Major League Baseball, these two guys might be one of them. He wrote president of the Robert Kelly fan club. New Jersey chapter. Paramount's New Jersey chapter. What a fucking cocksacka. But he, him and this other guy came up with this idea where they wanted to watch every single baseball game all year.

And MLB was like fine. And they put him in this thing. you go there now, they're 24 hours a day, I guess. They're in this place and it's really cool. You can walk in, you can go buy, you can see them in there and they're watching every game, they're twittering, they're, you know, they're doing all this stuff but they have comics go buy. I went by with Florentine, we did a little segment forum on the internet but it's actually kind of funny. They do a lot of micos really, they're both funny guys but it's actually kind of funny. They do a lot of Mike E.O.'s release. They're both funny guys, but it's Man Cave, I'll give him a little show. Man Cave, MLBmancave.com, check them out, Mike E.O. you cock sucker. Mr. Kelly, wisdom here is Dunkin' Donuts kid.

I got a wicked Jones for Blueberry Cank-Bowl. What do you say you grab us? Dunkin' he's in, bring them by the fan cave. He does the Boston, Boston. All right, nice doggy. Jit, the colonel's looking at me. All right, here we go, ready. It's true the colonel we back on Broadway and dueling dummies once with Voss and it's stupid.

Can't receive you. Dueling dummies with Voss. Yeah, I'm going to head, I can't receive the podcast at work so it would be kind of a fuck off. All right, dude, just, you know, I told you no stupid ones. Okay, here's a good one.

This is from Robert. No, this is Adam, to Robert and Colin, Adam, J. Hello, how many hours per day or week do you spend writing comedy for your act? That's a fucking great question. Do you know why? Because I want to know. Yeah. I don't even know how many hours. Well, let's put it this way. When I'm doing it, like doing the show I just did, then I spend, let's say, two, three hours, three hours a day.

But when I'm not, when I'm just doing stand-up randomly, like, which I don't think I can do anymore, what? I don't think I can do anymore, what? I don't think I can just go on the way I was working because it's a very unproductive way. It's like, oh yeah, just kind of random bits. I mean, it's fun, but it's like, you don't get as much cut like,

just doing a show with a goal in mind is important, I think. You know what I mean? Just doing stand up like, hey, that's funny, that's funny. It gets random, man. Fucking interesting, man. That's fucking crazy that you said that that's weird You know what I mean? So just doing you're saying you're saying stand up and I don't mean to fucking repeat Where you just said because they just heard it but just for myself right no? I'm just the first time I've ever said it Who's just now? Yeah, I mean, I mean we that that's what we do. Right. Not all of us. Not all of you. Not all comics do that, but we go up there just to make you laugh for five minutes to an hour.

Right. With random shit. Right. But you're saying I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, fuck that. I have a goal. I've been doing that. Have a goal. So I'm telling these guys, you have to have a goal because it gets to random. It gets I mean how much great material just goes into the mist And I mean I know that's part of the charm of comedy. I get it, you know what I mean like Part of the charm is you're out for a night You have a couple of drinks people get a little ADD. They don't want to hear a hey tonight's theme is this I totally agree but That being said it's still after a while. I've been doing this for fucking 20 something years I can't just keep going up and throwing shit against the wall and seeing what sticks That being said, it's still after a while, I've been doing this for fucking 20 something years.

I can't just keep going up and throwing shit against the wall and seeing what sticks. I mean, I can, but it's like, I'd rather do something a little more, and that that hasn't been like a full on show like last time, that was too much, but something, you know. I mean, you have the tools now to do that though. Yeah, I don't know if you know, I don't think you can, you know, this, I think now you have

the tools to sit home and come up with a goal and write jokes for it. Right. I don't know, maybe you didn't have the, I don't know if you had the tools, I know I don't. Right. I didn't have, I, I, I'm, no, yeah, it's like, I could do it. Right. If you said dude, you have to do, okay, I could do it. Right.

I have to, but to sit down and want to do it and have the goal and then do it is one thing to yeah Bobby you could do it okay right right it's like quitting it's like quitting drugs when I quit smoking I'm done I woke up I was supposed to gradually get off it I woke up one day and I said I'm done honey I'm sorry I'm done and it's I think that's it to it. It's like that type of thing that you just said, you can do that now. You can sit home and go, I'm going to, I'm going to go write this. Right. Right. And see if I can do it. Because like you say, just because I did it, doesn't mean I can still do it. But it's, if you want to do it and you attempt to do it,

you could probably do it. I mean, I remember John Linger's Amo said that. No, look, I'm not a huge fan of John Linger's Amo. I've seen his own one. Yeah, but he's, you could probably do it. I mean, I remember John Linguasamo said that. No, look, I'm not a huge fan of John Linguasamo. I've seen his own one of his shows. But he said, he goes, I don't get it. I don't get why people, the only thing I need is a pen and a legal pad, and I can have a Broadway show. Wow. And I was like, fuck, I know there's more to it than that.

Of course, yeah. But where we're at, but I'm at, yeah. Okay, I could do that. I could actually, I could actually, down with a legal pad and write a fucking show. Yeah. You know, that's like even last year. It's like, you know, all the stuff I've been doing,

it's the first time I've, I've wanted to do it. Yeah. And sit down and do it. But writing, the other thing about writing, which we were talking about the other day on the phone, to just let this guy know, is that most of the time writing with me, most of the time ends in me, lying down with my eyes closed on the couch, going, I can't believe how tired I am from 15 minutes and I've got shit here. And that's just a reality that's comforting to know other people go through it.

It made me so happy. Right. Because I have you on such a pedestal when it comes to writing and working in God, you're on such a fucking pedestal. I know you're a moron when it comes to technology, but when it comes to this comedy business and writing and scripts and stuff, I'm like, you know, I just, you're way up there to hear you say, dude. Yeah. You are depressed and taking it and you're, I just, I just, 15 minutes of shit and I had to go back to bed. It may, it meant the world to me.

Yeah. Because it made made it almost made everything okay Yeah, it really makes it okay when you hear that Even the best of them because you think you know you think Jerry Seinfeldt you think every day it wakes up at eight o'clock And works till five o'clock every day for this whole fucking life And he's got to have times you you think you just every day. I said I swear to God I visualize you sitting by the computer. I Pissed you this is me you wake up. You get a cup of tea Scratch your head you mess your hair up even messier than what he is

And you sit down and you start writing and then you take a little break around two hours in oh have a cup of tea walk Around so how do the village people because you're kind of the mayor in your town Yeah, come back with a snack a lot of dunes and a fucking tea Maybe a Reese's get back to writing a couple more hours Then you go and you meet somebody for lunch come back later write a little more then take a nap get ready for you That's what I think that sounds great. I Wish I could but if I did that I would have so much, so many other things. But all I do is rewrite. You know what I always say, writing is rewriting. It's the worst horrible thing.

It's the most horrible thing in the world. And the other, I mean, it's brutal. I don't get it. It's brutal. It's hard. That's why if it wasn't on, everybody could do it. You know how many people have amazing amazing stories You know many people are really funny at a party everybody's funny than us

Everybody's not everybody, but I mean there's a lot of funny. I grew up with people and I'm sure you do too I go that son of a bitch is funny than anything I've been talking to girls at a party some girl makes some observation I go this girl is brilliant She's got more insight than all of a half it's the dirty work that's the difference you have to want to do it you know what I mean yeah it's not the best the comedy is not always the funniest people in the room you know has anybody ever written a script that was just like wow holy shit right from the beginning yeah yeah some people Paul Thomas, Quentin Tarantino.

I was just gonna just roll these massive pieces right away. The show runner on the 2-2 can fucking really cool guy. And I've talked to a couple of the other writers on the show because I'm starting to write stuff now. Right. I talked to, it's so fucking crazy how these shows work. What did they get going? It's like they have like eight writers, sometimes two health.

And each guy writes an episode. Yeah. And there's a AD for that episode. There's a different director for that episode. It's a whole new team that steps in once a week to get this going. Yeah. And every week you're with a new team. Yeah. It's it's it's fucking weird. I was talking

to him, but he wrote he was a cop, empty, empty a cop, and he wrote a screenplay and then got a three picture deal out of it. And it's like, what the fuck? I heard about, but yeah, I think I heard about this guy. Yeah, he's and he's been on and he's been on a ton of shit. I mean, non-stop from then on. Great guy, but it's like, like does that happen? Is that it once in a while thing that happens? Yes, really.

Yeah. Yeah, the rewrites are fucking nuts. But I mean, I was saying when they write the script, how many of those writers come in for the rewrites? Like that's the process I don't know. That'd like be interested in. Like you write a script. Right. A script for your rewrite like that's the process? I don't know right that like be interested in like you write a script right a script for your show It's an hour show right so that's two thirds of a screenplay almost you know, let's put it this way That's three fifths of a screenplay

60 page right so What happens I hear is my draft how long do you have to write that and then once you have it? Do you go back and rewrite it or do they bring another writers? I want to know the whole process. That's interesting. Yeah, that's what I was trying to get involved in. I wanted to know because it helps psychologically helps you get through your funk. That psychologically knowing that you get depressed makes me feel better. Right, right? So I don't get depressed. Yeah, of course, you feel like everybody's in the same boat. When I read about all these great writers That wrote, you know these great novelists. They all go through this torture of writing. Yeah, it makes me feel better and writing my act

I'll be honest, bro. I've never sat down and wrote my act I've thought of something wrote it down and did it on stage and worked it out on stage right and then Added and made it like I was worked it out on stage. Right. And then added and made a bit, like I was talking a rogan about this one night, he's similar to me, like it will take around a year or two to cut that for that bit to become what it is. You know, like that, you know, it's like writing on stage and coming up with ideas. And only in the last year have I started to learn,

oh, I can write, I don't have to be on stage to write a funny joke. I can take the premise, do it on stage, take it off, rework it, add a line, I can do that work if I want to. I have that ability. I have those skills now. But you still need to do the reason we go on stage is because you can't work it out without being on stage at some point. What's his name does Dennis Miller does? Dennis Miller does. Yeah, he does, right? Dennis Miller just writes, that's what did that guy say to him?

He goes, what are you doing right in my act? You can do it anywhere? No. Right. Why do I need these people to tell me it's funny? No, Dennis Miller does, yeah. But everybody else doesn't. Everybody else works it on stage.

I mean, Simon van Works it on stage. He does just what you said. He takes him a year or two. He's talking about that today. Really? Yeah. He's talking about that today. Really? Yeah. You're talking about his bits. Did you mention me?

No. Fuck. All right. There's another one. Love from, this is from Joe. Joe G. Do you think that, you think the comedians today try too hard to be shocking? There are a ton of tweets on the 10th anniversary of September 11th from different professional comedians and it seems like they were just trying to shock and not be clever or funny.

I think that it should be, all should be on the table when it comes to comedy, but I hate it when people just say things to get a rise out of people. Yes, I do think there is definitely a, I mean, it's partly because competition is natural. The competition has gotten to be where, uh-oh, how do I stand out? But I definitely feel people try to be shocking. And it's funny, sometimes it's really funny

when they're shocking, but everybody's trying to be shocking. I think a lot, I think that's the new thing. Yes, even in the alternative world. Everywhere. Everywhere, do you say something that nobody would say? Yeah. That's why it's like, you know, I've come to terms, I get so much shithead not being funny on Twitter. Why are you funny?

All you do is promote. It's like, I'm funny as a comedian. I never, you know what I mean? And then you're, you know, I actually had somebody call me out recently, like, dude, yeah, you're not funny on Twitter It's like in this person who said that was and I'm like, yeah, but I'm funny at On stage motherfucker what I do, you know what I mean? That's what I do funny right now. Yeah, but it's like You know these these people it's like, I don't you know what I mean? I don't know.

Some people are naturally funny, shocking, it's like anything else. Some people are just, the way they talk is funny and shocking. And some people are trying too hard, but it's hard to put you in. And some people like me try and it fails just because it's me. If you're trying to be shocking, right?

Yeah, like with time I told Patrice, when he was calling me fat and I go, I hope you die of diabetes. Right. I said, I hope you lose a foot and he was like, holy shit, right? It just comes out, right? I just can't, sometimes it just comes out fucked up.

We got another one, is anybody ever stolen your jokes? And if so, what'd you do? Kevin M. Not that I've known, but I'm sure people have stolen, you know what I mean? But, you know, what are you gonna do? I haven't seen it. I haven't heard anyone do my jokes, but you know people steal You know, you can't yeah, you can't it's hard to put it's hard to decide what stolen because so many people have similar premises

When everybody's been around so long, so it's kind of weird, you know what I mean? Yeah, but it's it's also hard to like even your last hour that you did was a one-man show But that that's fucking comedy. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's really fucking if you ask me polish stand-up comedy And it's you know at its best if you can ask me right so you Nobody can steal that I don that. I don't think. I don't think really anybody, because you're actually going in and fucking creating

that shit nobody's fucking talked about. Yeah, they can steal it. I think you can steal parts of things, but you know what, you know, when I first started people were more like, that guy's a premise thief, and I know what they mean. Right.

But that guy steals my DNA and it's all true shit, but you know, get it unless somebody's a real out-now thief then you know what I mean like Then if you see somebody stealing you like a DNA thief Yeah, like some people used to say he's a D. He's still my DNA Like all that's what Dan said about Burns. You see is essence people say that right essence, but you understand that right? Yeah, I understand it too. Totally. You can see, you used to be able to see two or three comics that people are fans of doing a tell.

Right. That's right. Yeah. So, totally. But I mean, what are you going to do? It's just the way to go. It's nothing you can do. Yeah.

I mean, I've never, I try to keep my shit as personal as possible. That's the best, that's the best technique. So look, this happened to me. So if, you know, like I remember I had that Osama bin Laden joke and- I remember. Weeks, Darrell Hammond's favorite joke. Yeah. And, you know, everybody has that joke.

Now they do, yeah. This guy, this one's from Bob. If you guys ever, wondering if you guys ever worked on an award show, no, I'm tapping out of this one. Have you ever worked on an award show? No, I have not. Nope, so sorry. He said it looked like a chaotic time.

It looked like a fun time? Yeah. Okay. He, Colin just said I got to leave into the microphone. He whispered it. I got to leave into the microphone. He whispered it. I got to leave. We'll take one more and then we're done. All right.

Is that cool? Yeah. This is from, we're going to do one more question from Robert Oliver. With a sudden popularity of the podcast in Colin or even you considering doing a tough crowd style podcast, would you ever doing a tough crowd style podcast. Would you ever do a podcast by yourself? No, never. You'd never be into doing this.

It's fun, but I never want to do it. Why? I don't know. I don't know why. You're right, because you're just into your writing now. Yeah, because, yeah, you know what it is exactly that. Like I committed so hard, too hard, to this idea I'm going to write these things and I'm going to make them good. I over committed in my own mind where I'm like I'm not I'm going to see this shit through.

At least if it gets made and it fails then I could say hey that failed. But as it stands now I can't quit now. I refuse to quit because I committed too much of my life to trying to do this other stuff. And if you're back out of it, if you even stop it for a second, it's so hard to get back into it. Oh yeah. This is fucking brutal.

And once you get into it, you can't, you know, you did that for two years, you fucking went away and you're just writing and I was like fucking bust you a ball. Yeah, yeah. I'm down and say, how are you fucking anyway? You know, because we rarely see each other.

You're home writing a lot. Yeah. You're not at the clubs as much anymore, right? I haven't gotten the celebrate a long time, right? So I never got it. But then when we started writing this book thing and then we got into it, you get, it takes so long to get into it.

Once the wheels start going, you can't step out of it. And then when you finally end it and you do step out for a minute, it's like, oh my god, to get back into that is fucking almost impossible. Yeah. So when you're in it the second time, when you get used to that, I couldn't even imagine saying, oh, let me go do something else. It's like quitting smoking. Quitting smoking is so hard that when you quit you're like the one of the things that keeps going back is you know how hard it is to quit right and Writing is the fucking same way. Yeah, once you stop you like, but you still need to take a few days

You can't just constantly, but I mean I'm a perfect guinea pig of somebody who over-dated and I was like I'm gonna muscle my way through. You know what? Sometimes you can't muscle your way through. You gotta fucking lay back a little bit. Really? Yeah. You can't just be like, I'm gonna, I mean, I did it that way. And it has a negative effect too.

Well, you're like, I'm just gonna write. And I said, guess what? You're writing and see your spinning your wheel sometimes. You gotta sometimes take a little time, you know, a day or two to just chill. You can't just, you can't force your way in. Right. Do you think it's better now that you're not, you can't force your way in. Right. Do you think it's better now that you're not,

you have a girl now too, is better now that you have somebody in your life? Are you a better, are you more relaxed and chilled that you get to go to dinner and watch a movie? Yeah, you have to chill like that sometimes. You know what I mean? I feel like it's better. It's much better.

You can chill out. Right. Well, that's good, man. So you're not, what are you doing the play play again at all now. You're done with it It's over. Oh, well, I have a few dates in January and where probably if doing North Carolina North Carolina and then you just writing these other projects you have other projects you're working on So you're gonna get something else out. Oh, yes, am I in any of them? You'll be in all of the baby promise me There's no promises in this business

Dude, thanks so much for coming by, dudes. I love when you fucking do the podcast. This is a mellow one. I think it was the candle. I lit a candle and I dimmed the light so we didn't fucking play it. I love it. Alright. Alright. Alright, buddy. I'll see you later. I'll talk to you later.

Bye, bro. Bye. Thanks again for listening to another episode of You Know What Dude Podcast on gloryholeradio.com and make sure to check out all the other shows on the Glory Home Network. If you're using the Stitcher app, type in the word FOT when you register. I, Tune Uses, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. If you're a real fan of the show and you want to show your support, go to GloryholeRadio.com

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