Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Tom Segura | Friendly Reminder

Episode Date: December 17, 2023

This week Bobby is joined by Tom Segura, they talk about how much weight they've both lost, how Tom pranked his mom on a helicopter ride, and the third founder of Apple, Ronald Wayne selling his Apple stock for for $800. Watch YMH's 69 Minutes https://69minutes.ymhstudios.com/ This episode is sponsored by GhostBed Listeners can get 40% off all products sitewide! Use promo code YKWD at GhostBed.com/ykwd for 40% Off Sitewide. Limited Time Only. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp Visit BetterHelp.com/DUDE today to get 10% off your first month! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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need. You know what to do bet on it. Point spets sportsbook and casino. That guy looks like he touches shoulders close to the worst one. That's not the worst. I mean, who is that? Yeah, you were not meant to be good looking until you were old. Maybe you're like George Clooney.

Am I? You're really gassing me up right now. Like George Clooney was all right looking back on the day, but as an older man. But as, you know what I mean? Like now he's fucking great. Do you have another one, Hampton Roads? I mean, you just type in, look, let me help you out.

Just type in Tom Segura. Fat. And then hit image results. Let's do that with me too. Let's do, I want to do this with both of us. Oh yeah. Go ahead, Tom Segura fat and bring them all up. Oh my, you look like a club owner.

Yeah. I mean, look how pretty she is. Yeah, she looks really good. I mean, she looks fantastic. What, no, get another one. I love that they bring up one. Go to Google. Yeah, it's on Google.

I apologize. Just go to Google. Look at that one. What's that? Oh, the top left one. The top, it's on Google. I apologize. Just go to go. Oh, look at that one. What's that? Oh, the left one. The top though, the one left there. That's one of the fatdest I ever was left. Down. That one. That one. That's one of the, if you can make that bigger. What's one of the biggest special like that? That was just, that was, but, nah, but the other image. Right now. Wow. I don't know if, scroll down just scroll down it's in the scroll down it's in the article scroll down. I told you I'll have autism my

point. And they and they're not even listening right now they're just oh they're they're far left that one. Who's that? That's me. That's not you. That's me. That's not you. 2009. What were you doing? Were you working at a candy factory? What the fuck do you, and uh, wow. I mean, someone wrote just a friendly reminder of where you came from Tom. I mean, no money you tip. Wow, Tom. I mean, you, if you were that guy right now,

all right, take it down, man. Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back, you know what, dude, live. Welcome, everybody, to the show. YKW, we're back. I started the social media podcast. The fact that YKW did broadcast. YKW did back again.

Old school, back in the day, we're all starting before them all. YKW, YKW did broadcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. School back in the day, we're all starting before them all I'm KDN, I'm KDN, I'm KDN This podcast is so fun and crazy And there's no rules Shut up, you're ruining this Work the ball, damn it, I'm sorry It's a comedy podcast, this is an NPR

That's the podcast done Is there any better show? This is the original Original What's up, everybody? He went five, four, and then stopped. So I have to do the three, two, one on my own, you. I have to do it for you. Three, two, one.

What's up, everybody? Robert Kelly here, YKWD studio's above the world's famous comedy seller. We're back with another episode before we go any further. Make sure you're watching this on YouTube, hit the subscribe button. Don't be a douche. Just hit the subscribe button,

subscribe to the channel, and then like, and then comment in the comments. You know, fight or do whatever. But that's it. And go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly to get all the episodes first before anybody else and the extra YKWD episode. I think I'm going to shit my pants. I think I have to be very careful this episode. No toots. This is a no-toot episode. Usually I chewed away. There's no toots this episode because I'm pretty sure I'm going to'm gonna Duke I'm gonna Duke my pants

But I got a very special episode Max who do we got this week? We got Tom Segura. I mean you have the enthusiasm of a fucking foot I mean It's literally we were so excited to have you, one of the biggest guests we had. I've been disappointed since the moment I walked in the room. It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable. I was late and I apologize.

Yeah, that's fine. But I was expecting a little more horror from them when I walked in the room. Well, I mean, look, if you had a train set, you would have gone, then they would have lost their minds. If you had tin foil, if you had the tin foil from inside had a train set, you would have gone, then they would have lost their minds. If you had tin foil, if you had the tin foil from inside of a cigarette pack, and you did this, they would have fucking lost their minds. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're, they're not the, they're good one on one.

Joe, I take Joe with me on the road. I think I'm on the road with me once. Really? Yeah, little Max, who's around four foot two. He is feet don't when he sits in a chair. They don't touch the ground. Yeah, but he'll smoke a cigar. He'll fucking eat a hookers ass out.

He's the most manly of them all. Really? Yeah, and then if they were elves, he'd be slutty. Yeah. If they were like little elves that I had. Joe has literally driven three hours with me, staring out the window like this. Yeah, no.

Not set a word. Like I've sat there and I'm gonna go until he talks. Sure. Nothing in his own head. Yeah, those those just fucking scary vibes. Yeah, and then you go, what are you thinking about? Oh, mopeds. What is it, 1982?

What? Yeah. And then Danny just doesn't shut the fuck up. Right. Yeah, Danny, the big one with the big head and the weird back. So, oh, I noticed. Yeah. So, how you doing, man? I'm so glad you came on.

It's good to see you. I'm glad to be here, man. It's always fun to see you. I'm doing well. I just flew in last night and got up early for Robert Kelly and the best. No, it's good, man. I was just thinking about the fact I love that when you came to see us, yeah, I was I was thinking about that. You had that great video of you getting hurt. Oh, my my knee thing. The, the, the, the sledding thing or the, oh my, the, the,

the fucking, the snow tube in, the fucking snow tube incident. That snow tube, yeah. It's so wild to have the video. Well, it's so wild that my wife took it and in the video, she's laughing. She doesn't know how serious it is. Oh yeah, listen man, anytime I go, ow!

She laughs. There's something about when we get hurt that makes them immediately giggle. A totally, but there's also like a certain age where every hour is potentially life threatening. Yeah. Now, hours are real. Dude, let me say something.

When she saw me coming down the mountain at 900 miles an hour spinning, she should have been concerned. She, the camera should have came down. She was like a black chick at a McDonald's at three in the morning. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You know what I mean? She did not budge off of my body.

And then when she saw me fly through the air, that should have been a thing. And then when she went up to me and they're you okay. And I went, no. And I couldn't talk like I regularly talk. Because I rarely talk like this. Hey Tom, how are you? And if I walked in, I went,

I'm on you. You'd be like, you'd be like, Bobby are you? Sure. And if I walked in, I went, I'm on you. You'd be like, you'd be like, Bobby, you okay? Yeah, let's call an ambulance. Yeah, let's call an ambulance. But yeah, she's, I don't know what it is about wives.

How long you been married? 15. Now, your wife, it must be awesome to have a wife that is successful. It's great. Right? Yeah, my wife doesn't even really have to work that much. Yes. Still does extremely well. She kicks ass. She's got her own special.

He came out this year and she sells tickets. She and she looks great. She looks great. I mean, her special. She looked like a movie star from back in the day. Yeah. She went for a whole look on that. Right. But she also, I'll tell you this Yeah, she went for a whole look on that. Right. But she also, I'll tell you this, I have to give her a credit on this. So we've been like every comedian, I think, you know, everyone has merch.

And we've done, you know, you do merch at your live shows, but then we developed like merch business from podcasting. And one day, so she's known, whenever she's on camera and specials and usually in podcasts, she does like this Very distinct red lipstick. Yeah. So one day she's like, what if I had my own line? Like I developed my own and I was like I did that thing where you're like like sure sweetie She's cute. She's cute. Look, you know what? Why don't we give her one? Yeah, and so You know she kept bringing it up.

And I was like, yeah, yeah. So we had to find, she had to develop, it had to be proprietary. So you have to like develop your own mix. Yeah. And it's a comfort, you know, in Italy. Italy. And so they send different ones.

And then they, Italy. Italy. Not China. Right. Well, we say Italy now. Yeah, yeah. Right. We say Italy now. Yeah, yeah. You think of a little, you think of a tiger guy smoke and have him pasta make a lipstick instead of little kids.

I think it's thick. So he's finally sent it whatever she picks the one she wants. Then develops it or you know chooses a cat like women always lose the cap. So it has a magnet. So when you go is it pops, it's a whole design, but anyways, I'm like, yeah, you know, sure. Yeah, who the fuck's gonna buy lipstick? So I'm in, it sounds great.

Well, it has become far and away, the number one seller of all time of anything we've ever sold. You kidding me. So the first time we did it, we did like, why don't we just start with like 150, right? And then they were like, oh, this sold out in like, a few seconds. So I was like, all right, order it again a few more.

Now we reorder them in 5,000 units. Really? And then how much a pop? I don't know. I don't know you profit, but just touch it. I don't even know. I don't even know. I don't even know. I'm gonna buy my wife one. You don't even know.

I don't even know. You don't even know what you sell. All I know, all I know, it is... It's the number one seller by a mile. No shit. Yeah. To the point where she has three new colors coming out and I think we're becoming a makeup brand. Because it's, oh, completely. But I'd love to see you on some fashion show in Italy.

Yeah. Yeah, I just do it a bunch of times. No, I don't know. Look at that. Christina P's perfect. Great. I mean, dude, it's genius. It is genius and it's 100% hurt.

See, because I got a thing maybe we could do together. Maybe now that you're in this. Ready? Yeah. This is a big deal. Okay. 100% hurt. See, because I got a thing, maybe we could do together. Maybe now that you're in this, ready? Yeah. This is a big deal. Okay. I've told a couple people about this, but I think we can make a lot of money off of this.

Let's hear it. The flanker. The flanker. Yeah. Steak? No. What is it? Open your brain up.

Okay. Think about it. Okay. The flanker. I have no idea what it is. Take one, Just let it go. Let it go, Tom. Flanker. The flanker. What do you think of when you think of the flanker? I mean, obviously, kind of hangar steak. No, no, not steak. Is it a when you go, you've been on vacation? Yeah. You've been in a pool. Sure. You've been on the ocean on a float.

Right. What happens? You're all, you wake up down the fucking, you're in a rubble, all of a sudden you wake up and then as well. Oh shit. Right? Yeah.

What do you need? You need a flanker. You need an anchor for the float. Flanker. Flanked. Oh, dude. Every float needs an anchor. Comes with a bag.

Okay. Waterproof. How does it not pull the float down beneath the surface? You feel it with sand. Okay. Or you feel it with, you know, some rocks or something, right? How long have you been thinking about the flanker? You.

You. Tom. It has that feel. I'll buy. Listen to me. You go to the store. You've been on vacation. Sure.

Look at, I know you're loaded now, so you have vacations are different. No, I know exactly what you. You know, you go, most people go on vacation, we go to the holiday inn and you go, you get kids, we're gonna float, you spend 20 dollars on a float. Yeah.

And then you throw it away, right? Yeah, nonsense. Not the flanker. No way. Every float, right? There's that's the big thing. With a little anchor, with a rope that, with a fingering. Is there one vacation that set this off, this idea off?

Yeah, yeah, there is. Which one? I was in a rubah. And I was on a float. And I woke up on the other side of the fucking island. And I fell asleep, I had a sunburn and I was like, fuck, if I just had an anchor for my flow. You never would have floated away.

Hence the flanker. You scoop up, now I went and made one last year. You made one? I went to the, before I left my wife. There's a prototype flank. There's a prototype flanker. I went to the store before I left and I got some cordage.

I got a key ring that fit my finger and oversized key ring, right? And I bought the bag and I tied it to the bag and when I went there, I'd go out the float. And then I scoop sand in it, I put it down and then I put it on my finger and guess what Bobby stayed the whole time. Right there, right where you want to.

People were walking up to me going, what is that? What is that? It's the flanker. It's the genuine one. They were like, what? They were like the flanker. And they were like, what What is that? It's the flanker. It's the genuine one. They were like, what? No, like the flanker. And they're like, what flanker?

I was like flanker. It's like a float anchor. Oh! Shit. Dude, that's a good idea. It's a good idea, dude. The people who don't pursue these ideas are the ones that kind of...

So you're in. Oh, I'm in. Oh, you're in. Oh, fuck yeah, man. Be hilarious if you took it. Yeah. If you just see on the website. That's all the website. And it's your number two best salad right after the lipsticks. I hilarious if you took it. Yeah. If you just be on the website. That's all the website.

And it's your number two best seller right after lipsticks. Bobby, thanks for that idea. Yeah. No, we were developing that. Yeah, together. It's like, it's lipstick, flanker, two bears cat. Two bears hat for us. So that's wild, man.

So it, but it is like, I mean, my wife, she's a stay at home mom. She had a jewelry business she was into for a second. Yeah. And I was all behind it, you know what I mean, my wife, she's a stay-at-home mom. She had a jewelry business she was into for a second. And I was all behind it, you know what I mean? But then, you know, she was making the jewelry by herself and she got some weird wart on her finger. I was like, you gotta stop that, cause I'll throw it. I'm sorry, I don't care if we're gonna make it

to give Zillion dollars. If your hand looks like that, I'm out. Yeah, it is it from the jewelry. It's from the models. Yeah, she's supposed to wear a thing or hire somebody to do it. Wow. You know.

Sure. Somebody. Yeah. Somebody tell you. Somebody tell you. So it's weird because you guys like a power couple. I mean, yeah, I guess you know. But you're the most normal.

This is a weird thing about you guys. You guys are the nicest people. Like everybody that does your show is like, they're so great. They're awesome. It's so fun. They're so nice. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, and it's like, you know, I've never heard a bad thing about you.

Well, I mean, I don't know, man, we, I don't think much has changed about how we really are from, you know, starting this thing forever ago. We were just like to open micers, yeah, who met and just pursued this lunacy that we do. Yeah. And, you know, we got obviously like some super lucky breaks and then you just try to keep doing what you do, you know. Yeah, I mean, you do you are one of the biggest comics in the world, Tom. Um, I don't know. I guess, uh, so I fucking love you even more that you just got humble. Well, I mean, I, look, I think it's crazy that, uh, some of these opportunities

happen. Like I really do. It's, it does seem, I, you know, I call my agent the other day because you know how do your offers come in in emails? Yeah. So, you know, they come in pretty regularly when you're like gearing up for touring, right? I had this moment where I was like, with everything you do, you do get used to things after a while. Sure. And I was like, man, I got a, I got a set of a message. And I was like, hey man, I just hope you know that I'm super used to this by now, but, but I have to tell you thank you that these are still amazing offers.

You know, like, because you get, you are grateful. I was, yeah, I just was like, I shouldn't just be like, yeah. Yeah, good. Move on. And with that acknowledging that like, hey, I shouldn't just be like, yeah. Yeah, good. Move on. And without acknowledging that like, hey, this isn't normal. Yeah, what you're getting is holy shit. It's holy shit.

You're getting a salary. But yeah, exactly. You're getting a salary, but I like, I was like, I need to tell him. Thank you. Thank you, then. I know that we do this. We know how you did tell him though.

How? His Porsche. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I still talk shit though. How? His Porsche. Yeah, yeah. Well, I still talk shit on stage about him. Yeah, his, you know, his built-in pool. Yeah, yeah. You told him. Sure.

Yeah, sure. You know, his Rolex. Yeah, yeah. That one. That one is, he can look down at that and go fucking Tom. Yeah, yeah. What a good guy. What a great guy.

Yeah, then go to the other one, go, Tom, such a sweet guy. What a guy. But it is crazy Yeah, it is crazy. It's it's it's looking man that That it's if you don't feel uncomfortable talking about it, but no to be like to do that To do what we do yeah, there's so many levels of it, right? There's so many. And even at, I was telling somebody today, it's like, dude,

you know, you look at guys who are making so much money, right? There's a crazy amount of money. I remember one night I was downstairs years ago at the cell, I had, I think it was Louis, when Louis first started making money. Yeah. And he was like, where are you next weekend? And I was like, oh, I gotta go to wherever,

fucking, you know, Hartford, Connecticut, the funny bone. He was, how much you're making? And I was like, I'm making whatever. Yeah. This may, I don't know, five grand or whatever. Yeah. Maybe less. For five shows.

Mm-hmm. And he goes, uh, and he wrote on a piece of paper and goes, I'm making that for one. And it was like a house. Yeah, yeah. In a good neighborhood. Sure. Not even a bad day.

Sure, sure. It was like, it was like, it was a nice house in Cleveland. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I was like, how? How, yeah. It like hurt. But then I was, I was talking to somebody about it.

I go, listen man, because they were bitch somebody about it. I go to the listen man, cause they were bitching about it and I had to like, I go, look, I make, I make doctor money telling dick jokes. Yeah. I mean, it's a foot doctor. Sure. It's not a, you know what I mean?

I'm not, I'm not saving lives. But he's doing procedures. I'm doing, I'm, people walk better because of me. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's like a nail that hurts. Yeah, you're planting the fasciitis.

Sure. I'm on it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm not saving you from cancer. It is feast or famine weird business to be in. You know, people like, they go, you know, this is crazy. And you go, it is fucking crazy.

It is insane. Two things that I always point out to people. One, I fully acknowledge that part of the craziness, at least of right now, is that we're doing stand-up in this era. Meaning, like, if I was the same guy, doing all the same shit, and it was 1999-2000, like, that would be, it's not the atmosphere, the culture, it's just not possible. No, you would have to have a sitcom about your thing. Right. You know what I mean? Sure.

And even then, it probably wouldn't even be what it is right now. There's just the internet. Yeah, it would be good for a minute. Most likely you'd have a five seasons of something good. Sure. You get residuals, you probably go off in the distance, but it wouldn't be sign felt. That's a Romano.

That was a rare thing. Those are real. But that was the way you made it. You happen to make it in't be sign felt. Romano, those are rare things. Those are real. But that was how you, that was the way you made it. You happen to make it in podcasting. Yeah. And Netflix. And Netflix just happened to like come up at the same time. Same time.

It's just like this, this, you know, it's like when somebody develops a computer product and it just meets the right audience, right, and the need of society, the saying all those things, that's the luck of it coming together. Yeah, so your apple. Yeah, yeah. And I'm Dell. Dell's pretty sweet. So I'm not Dell, I'm Gateway.

I'm not Gateway. Yeah. I'm not Gateway. Yeah. I'll take of another one, nerds. He's Lenovo. Lenovo. No, I'm what's the one that Steve Jobs came up with when he left Apple.

What was that one? What did he, Bella, a some shit? He didn't want it when he left. Yeah, when he left, they kicked him out. He went and started his own company. I always think about there's like these people in those business stories that fascinate me. You can find, if you guys search, you can find, there was a third guy, there was Steve Jobs,

Steve Wozniak and another guy when they developed Apple. And the third guy, you can find that, like the handwritten contract when he sells his shares back to them for like 800 bucks, or like, you know, a couple thousand dollars. Jesus Christ. The guy that the, then CEO, is that who it is? Sully, Sully?

It's Ronald Wayne. Ronald Wayne. And you can find his uh, what's he doing? His contract where he sold the shares. Like is he still around? I don't remember if he killed himself.

Yeah, I hope he killed. Look at I don't like suicide, but I hope he killed him. I really, and I want to say there's a similar one for like, Victoria's secret. You see it? Yeah. There is 800 bucks, dude.

800. How much would it be worth now? 10% of Apple? Dude, it's like easily too grand. I don't know. What is 10% of Apple? Have to have that. Somebody came up with the What is 10% of Apple have to have that? Somebody came up with the answer to that.

What's 10% of Apple now? You have to find that. It's crazy. I mean, they set the new records every year for their actual cash on hand that they have. Really? Apple has more cash on hand than entire countries. Like, what, what, what, what, what, what, they just like,

you know, they don't pay any corporate tax because we have that loophole here. So like, they, I don't know, and they do so much tremendous business. 250. Hahaha. Does he, Dad, please tell me he's dead. Please tell me he didn't make it. Is he still around? If he has an Instagram, you need to follow him right now. Oh, it's just his kids going, thanks, dad.

You have these hats. You guys want a hat? He steals my flanker idea. That money with the flanker. But I mean, he's dead. Um, no, he's still alive. Please find God. I But I mean, he's dead. No, he's still alive. Oh my God. I want to see what he's doing. I want to see what he's doing. And you have to like do that thing where you, where if he is alive, where he's alive,

you have to do that. And you're sold 89. 89. He does that thing though, he's like, I'm good with it. Yeah, I found peace with it. Yeah, you're like, no, you did. Yeah, I do that with not getting a Netflix special. Yeah, I'm dude, I don't need that. I'll just put it on, put it. Yeah. You're like, no, you did. Yeah, I do that with not getting a Netflix special. Yeah.

I'm dude, I don't need that. I'll just put it on YouTube. Dude, it's about selling. Okay. You know, sell tickets. I hate it. I actually eat. It's a weird fucking comedy.

Comedy's so fucking weird right now. It's so weird. The specials thing is very strange. It's too, I think. The specials thing, it's like reminds me of, I mean, kind of like podcasts or albums where someone was like, oh, you can, someone can do that, like you can just do that.

And the problem with the specials is that people, and we sound like arrogant saying this, but you know, we've been doing it a while. So we have this perspective on it. There's so many people who are like, yeah, you're not, this isn't ready. Like that's why it didn't do anything. You're not ready.

It's the same one person who goes, I'm posting a clip of all my stand-up. And you're like, yeah, you shouldn't do this. Yeah, you should wait. Yeah, you should wait. Well, because they care more about the number of people that fall them because if a club looks at that, they go, oh.

If they have a million people falling them, that's more than a guy. I mean, dude, getting followers is, I don't understand it. It's like, you think of, it doesn't make sense. What does it say? Oh my God, he ran a stamp shop. But it's a passion project. Yeah. Right? Maybe he loves stamps. Wayne ran a stamp shop. And where? Mill Pita's. Mill Pita's. Miss Pita's California for a short time after a number of break, they robbed him.

He transfers his stamp operation to his home. Ah, they were robbing his good stamps. They robbed the upside down plane stamp. Oh my God. Oh, this poor guy. Steve, wait a minute, though, Steve Jobs, read that Steve Jobs approach to him. What does that say? Steve Jobs approach to him. Not you.

Sorry. I'm sorry. You fucking. I was like, that's the only reason. You know, these assholes should be reading this. Read it. I just lost. Oh my God.

Tom yelling him. He'll listen to you. No. Tom, say something. Steve, you can read. Steve Jobs approached him again as a business contact for Apple, but Wayne refused to forward at Forward Jobs proposal to purchase a friend's company. Oh my God.

Wayne's belief was that his friends should retain ownership of the company, supplying this technology to Apple under exclusive license instead of selling the business. Wayne later expressed regret for interfering with this decision instead of selling the business. Wayne later expressed regret for interfering with this decision instead of allowing the negotiations to be made directly between the parties. Well, that's not good. All right. You think, now let me ask your question. If you own, if you were Steve Jobs

and then you did all this shit later in life and this company came that and you would like to, we fucked them. What's his name? John, what's his name? Wayne? Ronald. Ronald, hey, yo, was. Yo, was.

I'm Steve, was. Yo, was. What's up, man? That's what you did. Thanks, bro. What's up, brother? What's up, Doc? Dude, I gotta talk to you.

Yeah. Was. We got this company man. We're kicking it. We're changing the world, dude. That commercial with the, that bitch who threw the thing. Yeah, shh. Incredible.

Dude, great. We got to, we got to hit up Ronald, dude. We fucked him. Yeah, we did. We got to hook him up. What do you think we should give him? The fucking, what would we get for the hisch 10%, 800 bucks? It's 800 bucks, but it's worth 250 billion right now.

Yeah. What do you think? Are you low stamps? 250 billion right now. Yeah. What do you think? There you go, stamps. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. Pfft. You want to get him a bunch of stamps? Pfft. Pfft. I say we get him a Muhammad Ali stamp and a like a like a Nelson Mandela. Remember that one that came out? Yeah. Do that. Some collectibles, Remember that one that came out? Yeah.

Do that. Some collectible ones. Yeah. Yeah. But also the new ones where you don't have to lick them. Those are great. We give them some of those. You know, you know, you.

Oh, why don't we get them a digital stamp machine? Stamps.com. Stamps.com. Stamps.com. Would you give the guy money? Yeah, dude. You would. Absolutely.

How much would you give? I have to, I carry, you know, I have like Catholic guilt. I mean, like I, I bonus well, I tip well. I feel like somebody who, if he, this guy like founded this with me, it would, it would eat me up if I had that much. It's one thing to be like, we run this business and it's done fairly well. And this was, but if you go, it went to the literal moon. Yeah. Yeah, I think. What would like,

famous people historically cheap, like rich people historically cheap? Some of them, I think the Catholic thing, I think, no, I've seen examples of this that are just mind, of like the Uber wealthy, you know, like they just, Dude, dude, I've actually had to tip limo guys to things events. Yeah. Like where I get to the car and I'm like, he, and I was like, I got you dude. Yeah. He's like,

thank you. You have to tip well. Yeah. I mean, I, like, I've tipped them with like certain famous people. Yeah. But they just get out of the car. Like, no, story of a fucking, this person told me this was funny to her. But I was like, it's funny in the story, but it's like, there of a fucking this person told me this was funny to her, but I was like it's funny in the story But it's like there's a difference between like the way something plays out in a story in a movie On television where you're like that's and then the reality of it sure and this person was a bar It was a bartender and she said she had to she was she's Jewish. So they made her work on Christmas day Right at this at this bar, right? Make sense.

That's fucking spock. Of course. She's, No, fuck with you and yum kippur. Yeah. Yeah. So she's working this bar over my street. And she said that like, you know, very few people come

into the bar, but then, you know, one person here, one person there, and then the celebrity comes in. And the celebrity comes in, sits at the bar, orders drinks for hours and you know has some conversation and then the bill comes after this like drinking for a while. And then she tells him the the bill. I think he pulls out cash. Baba Bashi gives him his correct changeback, which included some coins, a couple of quarters. And he took two fingers, put them on the quarters

and goes, Merry Christmas. And then she said, I fell down laughing that he tipped me 50 cents, but I was like, yeah, like it's a funny bit. Right. But the, it's funny or if he then turns around and gives you a couple hundred bucks. That's it.

But like, I've also, I have to tell you later, but I've heard other stories about this person when you're like, Jesus. Is it a famous famous person? Or is it somebody we know? It's a famous famous person. Is somebody we know? Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cause I know comics it, though. That's just not cool, man. I don't think that's cool. As a comic, 100% not. Because we come from such gritty shit. There's no comic really that didn't go through the shit. That's impossible. Like we all kind of go through that shit.

It's impossible. And when you come up, you know, like actors, you're going from a rich family to a school of act and then to maybe getting a part. And then because so I know that a little more makes sense to me that you just that twat your whole life. Sure. Right.

But a comic, we're fucking, there's this great reminder at the comedy store because at the comedy store when you park your car, you're getting it like moved around by one of the up and coming comics. That is like, I am living on $112 a week. Whatever. Right, so like there's this great moment where like, if you're in a position to do it, they give you your car and you get to go,

here's 50 bucks or whatever. And they're like, dude, I'm gonna eat off of this for days. Dude, I remember that, like in this seller, my first paid spot, and I got to eat somewhere else other than the comedy seller. Cause I would do spots here, you got food spots. Yeah. They would feed you.

So Russ many fucked it up, cause you got seven main dishes. Yeah. You know what I was saying, he had $3,000 worth of food every night. And they were like, I know only certain people get food spot. It's always comics, fucking ruined shit. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, we always fuck.

I remember there was one place in Florida, Naples. They were like, dude, they have jet skis and they had a house right on the wall. You just go right out and take the jet skis. And of course, some comic got fucked up and did meth and then smashed the jet skis and you have to some dumb haul. You're gonna have everybody. Exactly.

But yeah, dude, I know comics, but there are comics that are generous. It's shit like Rogan. Oh my God. Dude, it's almost, I feel like people don't know and he'll never, he's not going to tell anyone. Now, but I, yeah, I've been around him for years and it's yeah, he's like I mean, he's almost he like even when you do his club, you like dude, you don't need to do this. Like he's like, you want to work here? You're like, yeah, and then you get the

you like, thanks dude, because you just you could just gave me money. I can't even say this. I'll tell you off my, I literally, but he was like, he called me up. I was on tour. Yeah. This is like during 21, I'm on tour, but I have like a few days off and he's like, hey, do you want to come open? He's like, I know, you know, he does like,

you know, I know, I know, yeah. But like, would you open for me and Chappelle at this thing? And I was like, I looked at it, I had the open date, and I was like, sure, I'd love to. I go to it, I don't even know, I don't ask for anything. I'm just like, yeah, thanks. Yeah.

There's a room, shows crazy, the amount, like when they were like, here's what you're getting paid, I was like, dude, you don't have to do this. And he was like, no, he's like, you're a headliner and you make great money. So I was like, I did 20 minutes. You just bought me a house for doing 20 minutes. He's like, that's what you're supposed to get.

I was like, I was like, this is, and you can't tell them no. Hang on one second. Yeah. Guys, it's never gonna happen. He, uh, also, I've talked about tipping. I mean, I've seen the tips that he leaves and I'm like, your eyes water. You're like, oh, yeah, but it makes you feel good. It makes you feel great. It makes you feel great. It makes you feel good that there's some, you know, there are people like that. Absolutely, because that actually it becomes something where you go, oh, I, I'm gonna take from that.

You know what I mean? That's the example I want to take from. Russell Peters is another guy. Russell Peters is another dream. I mean, God damn, I love generous people. Yeah. This is two generous two like Versi, Versi will tip the toll guys. It's like, the toll guy.

Okay, there's 20. It's like, it's like, it's still. Take it easy. The toll was eight bucks. You see that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you tip everybody though. That's the, that's tip the toll guy though. I like the generous people. I do too, man. That's why I think you should give me a Rolex. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, I will. Yeah, day, day, day, man. That's why I think you should give me a Rolex. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, I will. Yeah, day, day.

Day, day. Platinum. Listen, the thing is, no, I'm kidding. You have kids, right? Yeah, I have two. You never talk about them. You never see them. You never really, and...

We don't, yeah, my wife and I made the, we did the opposite for like the, I just feel like the world that we kind of created for ourselves. Yeah. At least online. Yeah. It was not like child friendly. So we just never posted photos or anything.

We talk about them in podcasts. I talk about them on stage. Yeah, yeah. But I just, I also just kind of went with that like, yeah, you know, I'll let them have as much anonymity as they want. And like, if they, if they want to be in the thing, like that'll be in a few years. Right. How old are they? Uh, one turns eight this week and the other one is five.

Five. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My kid, every time I'm doing something, I want to jump in it. Yeah. And I actually did, uh, kind of fucked them. I did, uh, this company sent me a, they sent me, you know, the people sent you shit. Yeah, yeah. You know, and stuff you like too. Sure.

You know, I, and the kids ruined it. No, it's not that is that I want to do it like pillow cue but you ever see the pillow cue? Yeah, sure. So I had a bad thing so I got this pill and it works. It's amazing. Yeah. Love it. It's a square pillow. So you're a side sleeper. It just keeps your head it works. It's amazing. Yeah, love it. It's a square pillow

So you're a side sleeper. It just keeps your head front because I did this Sure, and I got a nerve thing and I got this and this is a set one for my kid Yeah, so I just did a story. Sure. Hey, man, and it was me and Max Yeah, and he I don't he just did the most adorable thing I forget what he said, but it was like a perfect commercial Yeah, like you couldn't have written them and I sent it. I put it on the story and they used it. Yeah. A couple times. But then they used it as their ad. That's an ad now. For like three years. Yeah. At Christmas. Like it was that. How about you send a little bit more.

Well, I was I was getting a little fucking it was like, listen, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, this is getting a little fucked up. Sure. And they sent me a they were like, listen, dude, you know what I mean? Like, this is getting a little fucked up. And they sent me up, they were like, listen, we're so sorry, we didn't know. But, you know, he's, he's, he loves it. That's awesome. He loves it. I know those people that don't, you know,

but I don't give a fuck, dude. Yeah. I don't, you know, I'm the, I'm the thing with, I love, I love being a dad so much. I just I fucking it's I love it It's the best it there. It's the you have boys or girls have two boys and they're just fucking You know what's funny is like you you'll understand this but like yeah, so when I was a kid my dad my dad's only kind of When I was a kid, my dad's only kind of sports passion was football. Yeah.

And I just took to it. Like, I'm saying, like, he love football. I love football. Yeah. Football was our whole. And then when I had boys, I was like, I get to like continue this. Sure. It was last, you know, it was like last month I was watching a game.

And both of my boys go, can we make it a thing that we'd never watch football again? And I was like, what? And they're like, we football's so dumb, we hate it so much. And I was like, oh, I guess I'm not gonna have that relationship. But my approach to sports, because each have there, you know, when you have two, you especially see how like distinctly different.

True, yeah. Two human beings. Interests are like, they're nothing, nothing similar. And my whole thing with sports was like, I just want them to be active and find something they like. And so my thing was just, well, just expose them to a lot and see what takes. So like, tennis was the first thing we got, the older one involved in it. He did some lessons, and then when we moved,

he did another lesson, and he walked out of the lesson and he goes, please fire me. I was gonna say quit. He's like, fire me please. I hate this so much. And I was like, all right, did soccer, and he was like, I fucking hate this. And I was like, okay, flag football.

It's like, it's like, you could tell he's kind of it, but not like, yeah. And now they're both die hard into Jiu-Jitsu. Dude, he asked me if we can go five days a week and I go, absolutely not. I have fucking shit to do, man. Five days a week, my kid is the same thing. Really?

Dude, I put him in baseball. Yeah. Right, I was like, I dude, I was in baseball. You're like, you're gonna love it. I love Little League. I love the outfits. The little belt, the hat. You picture all the games coming up. You're like, it's gonna be great. I hear max Max is coach screaming. Yeah, because I'm out in the middle field on my chair. Yeah away from all the fucking crazy parents Sure, and I look he's got all the balls. He took the balls the practice balls

And he brought a Sharpie from home, and he was signing them. And giving them out to the other team's parents. And he's, and he's, and he's, what's your name? I swear to God, he's signing them. But here you go, enjoy the game. And he has to say, how do your family form your man? He's gonna match you're up, he's gonna go back.

He's up to bat. So Mike does not the sport for him. out of your family for me, man. He's gonna max your up. He's gonna go back. He's up to bat. He's out there. So I'm like, that's not the sport for him. Then football, my kid runs, he doesn't pick his knees up. Yeah. You ever see the movie taken? The girl runs? Yeah, yeah.

That's the way that I use to run. That's how you use to run. I've literally been in the front yard trying to say, please bring your knees up. You're embarrassing your father. Yeah. The way you run. Come on up. You're embarrassing your father. Yeah. The way you run. Come on.

You run like Forest Gump. Sure. And he does, he just doesn't run. And then if you look, I would look on the side like he'd be just playing with dirt on the sidelines. And they wouldn't so footballs out basketball. We're in a mostly, you know, it's not, let's put it this way. We're in a different area, like a wider school district, let's put it this way, we're in a different area,

like a wider school district. He probably played good. But our school district, this is mostly black and Spanish. Yeah. And they're good, dude. Fucking born for that. Shabbat, they're so good. I'm like, I'm like, dude, is he?

And my kids just fucking down there. He doesn't know, he doesn't know they have to go back and forth He just stays down on defense and let waits for them to come back. Yeah, it's hanging out. Yeah, like he's yeah I'm here, but Jiu Jitsu dude. I take him to ego Gracie. Yeah, he needed somebody to try to kill him for an hour Dude, he needs somebody just to grab his the pal cool thing is like you watch them pop. Yeah, we're like we finished his class and he was like, yeah, he's like just like jazzed. He was like, you know, he's looking at me when he pins someone and when they tap and he's like,

see that? I'm like, yeah, dude, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, he walks and he goes, I love this. I love this. I want to come back every day and I'm like, calm down. He was, he was a scary part about it. I came home like a couple months ago

and he had the Jiu-Jitsu mats in the living room and he was doing the sprawls. He had full-gey, sprawls, 9.30 at night, bedtime in around 15 minutes, sprawls. Jiu-Jitsu sprawls. And I'm like, I walk and I go, hey man, I'm like, what's up, bro? What's going on?

He's like, he has a mouthpiece and takes it out. You, mat, and I went, what? I got this and it was great. I got it as bedtime. Yeah. He goes, you, Matt, let's go. How does he? 10. I'm going to show you a picture of him though. Yeah. 10, so we went on the mat and I had to hurt him. Yeah, well, you got to remind them. I had to hurt him. I remind my kids. I had to hurt them. I'm going to show you this picture. I want you not to smile. Okay. Or laugh.

Okay. Smot, you can't smile or laugh. Yeah. Yeah. My kid. Yeah. That's my kid. That's awesome.

I said, please don't work at a chocolate factor. Oh, the shades are fucking red. Dude, this fucking kid's at fifth grade. Yeah. He goes, this is where I'm wearing. My wife was like, Oh, the shades are fucking red. Dude, this fucking kid's in fifth grade, he goes, this is one more iron. My wife was like, no, I go, if you stop this, yeah, yeah, no. You're an asshole.

Yeah, you gotta let that. This photo will live with us forever. And the thing about that photo and the fact that he did that is that that is before you are infected by the insecurities and the, like it's totally genuine. before you are infected by the insecurities and the, like, it's totally genuine. This is what feels good. This is what looks good. I know this is cool.

And you're not, it's like when you're in a, when you're 22, you start to go like, oh, what do you know? Do I look okay? I don't know, these glasses aren't cool. I gotta do this with my hair. Like all those things, this is the innocence. That's why that's great.

Like that's the innocence of truly being yourself. Yep, that's only kids really have that. That and like 80 year old men who are like, fuck off. Yeah, and fucking gazillionaires. Sure, gazillionaires, and they're just like, what happened? Yeah, the post-rich, we call them. The ones who are just like. Yeah, Elon.

Yeah, like where they pull up in the fucking, whatever, goddamn Bugatti, then they get out in the ring, like, sandals. Yeah. And you know, cargo shorts and you're like, what the fuck? And he's like, I don't give a shit. Yeah, Elon is like, it's like Elon. He's beyond, you know what I mean? Like there was a point where he was PayPal rich, where he got his Ferrari.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that McLaren comes out of the back. Yeah, they bring it down. He's like, there's only one of these, whatever, axon, or what axon he has. And he's like, and then now he's just wears the same thing every day, like a uniform. That's what they all do.

It's weird. Jobs did that, Zuckerberg does that. What is that? That is like, the way was explained, like I heard one of them say it was that by having the uniform every day, not having to choose what to wear, it's one less thing that has to occupy my mind. Because there's not enough hard drive space in the...

In the bright. That's right. I'd have to swap it out. So I just go same shirt, same pants. You're much hard drive... Drey does this too, by the way. Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre? Dr. Dre has a daily, like he has the 70 pairs of shoes that are the same shirt pants and he's just like every day. We should start doing that. Yeah, I know,

right? Who should be the first kind of like that goes, no, I just I don't want to think about that. I'm wearing a barracuda jacket. Yeah. A white t shirt and richie cutting hem jeans. Dude, I love it all the time. Every day. Yeah, but the problem is I have so much hard drive space available in my brain. And good comedian can get away with a lot of things, but losing sleep isn't one of them. We gotta be well-rested to be funny. That's why I'm a big fan of the folks at Ghostbend.

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get 100 give 100. Condition supply in January 31, 2024. Complete offer eligibility criteria by March 29, 2024. Choose one of the eight eligible charities of $500,000 in total contributions. How can we have never been on TV dude? How can we even have like a series? Are you just like, fuck it, I'm doing this and podcasting with my wife. I'm doing my own podcast. What's that kid's name? You do the podcast with Brent? No, the other kid. What's the guy's name?

Bart. Oh, it's with the B. Barry? No, the kid, the podcast should do. His name. Oh. Bert. Bert.

Bert. Yes. Fucking Bert. Diabetes. As you got it. He's got diabetes. Yeah. Type two.

But you can get out of that. It's so weird that like manifestation does work. It does. It does. that. That's so weird that, like manifestation does work. It does. Fuckin'. That is crazy. I did not think that that shit worked. You just prayed on it. I said it out loud.

You have to verbalize it. It's so good. Give it to him. Yeah. But no, it was the walls of Lacan Delay now crumble away. Please give Bert diabetes. No, he doesn't have diabetes, does he?

Yeah, I think so. He does. I've wrote shit. I'm sorry. Bert, God bless. He diabetes, does he? Yeah, I think so. He does. I've wrote shit, I'm sorry. Bearcub bless. He's having a gall bladder removed or something like that. What the fuck? Is he just gonna get stuff? Done.

New stuff. He's getting that state of the art though, insulin thing, were they so it into your body? So you don't have to let him. So he has diabetes diabetes? Yeah, yeah, where they will, it'll automatically inject you. Yeah, you don't have to think of it. Dude, I used to have sex with a girl who had the one on the outside.

Yeah. Buh. Buh. I mean, she was really cute too. Really? But it was just like, it was over here. Yeah. It was hooked into her body and it would beep a some shit and just, gush.

Yeah. You can't really have good sex with a device. Going into her body. Yeah, that's yeah. Were you like just turn on the side that I don't have to see it. It was gross dude. Yeah, she was a little chubby too. I'm like, why don't you stop eating? No, I, um, well, I've always wanted to do that stuff. I actually, I can't make the say the thing, but it'll be announced. I sold the show. You did.

And I got a series commitment, so we're gonna make the show. So you're making a show. That's great. It's gonna be on, of course. One of the things. One of the things you can't announce, but we know,

because you do one of the things, only one of the things. Maybe. You could do another thing. Maybe. Maybe another thing? It could be. Really? Now, is it about your life? No. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy and weird. It's crazy and weird. Yeah. Is it crazy and weird? Like, I made a pilot on my own. So I funded the pilot. Right. Shotted.

And then showed it. And then they were like, we'll make it. Really? Yeah. And so, so. It's gonna be a fucking fortune, but yeah. Yeah, but it's worth it. But it worked it. Yeah, it's worth it.

Yeah. It's great. That's where you're supposed to use your money for. I think so too. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, do you want more stuff? Yeah, what are you gonna buy? What are you gonna buy another?

What kind of car you have? Which one? What kind? You have cars? Yeah, I like cars. I like cars. You got it. You all right? Yeah.

You know what, Tommy? No, I don't know. Are you side-felt cars? No, no, no, no. He's into like, Are you Rogan car? I mean, Rogan light. He's also, he's collection has gotten pretty wild.

He's, yeah, he's always been in the car. I love cars. So I, I've always, I mean, when the opportunity was there, like you could get, I was like, you know, I was a toy car kid. Yeah. And then I was car magazine kid where I was like, every, what's your favorite car that you own? Oh, actually, it really is my GT4. Really? What does that look like? Oh, that's like a old, that's a...

No, no, it's a 718 GT4, it's a Porsche GT4. Oh, you have a Porsche. I have a Ford Ranger. Yeah, those are cool. Those are cool. Yeah. Not too fast, but they're good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're cool.

Yeah, five and a half foot bed. Dude, that's what's up? Yeah. What's up, man? Electric blue. Yeah, that's what's up. Yeah. What's up, man? Electric blue. Yeah, that's what I call it again. I like that. Um, yeah, but it's funny.

Like, people think like when you drive, like I was like, dude, I'm flocking, just get a Honda. It's the same shit. Yeah. When you drive, when I've driven a Porsche, there's, it's not the same thing. I just, you know, Duncan.

Thrustle. Yeah. You know, Duncan and he's like Mr. fucking whatever the universe third dimension. I love him. Buddhist. He's the best. Yeah. So we went to a track day at Coda, a circuit of the America's in Austin, which were they do the F1 race. Sure. And so of us brought our cars. Yeah. And then he just was like, they also provide some like this group and they were like, so he gets in a couple of these cars, comes out and takes his helmet off and he's just like, I go, you're fucked. I go, you're, and I'm jokingly like, you're going to go if I can car shopping now.

Text me the next day from the Porsche dealership signing it. I was like, you went and got one. He got a Porsche the next day from the Porsche dealership signing it. I was like, you went and got one. You got a Porsche the next day. It's something different. It really is like I just bought, we had a Honda for a long time and it's not a Porsche, but we went up to Alexis. Yeah. You know, Verzi was always,

you gotta get Alexis, Doug. Yeah. I'm Alexis the fucking king, Doug. Yeah. Dude, I'm Alexis type of guy. Yeah. You're a Honda dude.'m a Lexus type of guy. You're a Honda, dude, you're one of those. That's shit, makes you feel bad for fucking,

again, economically good car. Sure. Good resell value on Honda CRV, by the way. Honda's our amazing, he'll run, this is my very first car ever drove as a Honda Accord, 95 Honda Accord. Did they run forever? We put like 300,000 miles on them.

Because we came from when cars, American cars, they fucked us. They just went to shit. Yeah. And Japanese were like, Dude, we had a, I mean, you got a car and it lasted like a year. Sure.

Remember those old mobiles? Oh yeah, we had old mobiles. They had less supreme. They would just terrible shit cars, like a rivi era. Yeah. And, okay, thank you. And, yeah, and then, but then Honda came in. Japan was like, you know, hey, we're gonna make a good car.

And they came in and made the greatest little shit car, 200,000 miles. Incredible. They changed the game. And now I stepped into Alexis. I got my wife Alexis. I was like, 200,000 miles. Incredible. They changed the game. And now I stepped into Alexis. I got my wife Alexis. I was like, there's a float. You float in that. Then there's the other, when you go up to Mercedes or a Porsche, there's another level

of the thing about them. Like first of all, I just, I look at life now as like, I'm so lucky that there's a thing that I have like that kind of excitement and passion about. Because I could talk about cars. If you were like, I have a garage of cars down here, I'd be like, please let's spend the next couple hours. Just looking at them. Like I just enjoy it that much.

But driving Porsche is like, there is the German engineering specifically of those. Once you drive them, everything feels whack after it. You just wanna be in them. The way they handle the connection between, the car feels like it's part of the street. It's such a raw, it's never gonna happen. Yeah, we're talking about a lot of stuff.

But I love them. Yeah, it's weird, man. You're like, you know, I've seen you from a distance for so long and you're such a, and you're comedy, dude, you're around a bunch of crazy, awesome, loud comedians. You know what I mean? They have very funny guys, you know, Ari, the shit he does, you know,

Ber, you know, and Berth shit he does, you know, Berr, you know, and Berr and, and, and, and you're this subtle dude, man, you're very subtle. You remind me of Bennington, like, we're on Bennington where it's, even your, your podcast, you're so quiet and subtle and funny and confident and, and, and, and not in a dick way, you know what I mean? Oh, thanks me. You're a, you're very, it's, you know, to me appealing, you know, because not many people can be funny subtle.

Like, I told him with Bennington, and he would go out after Voss and Florentine and just take the room, pick it up, and throw it away, get a standing ovation, and just go, all right, bye bye. I told him that like, one of my favorite things when I would listen to Bennington, this is like a decade ago. It was when collars would call in. They go, Hey, how you doing around it?

And he go, yeah, yeah, that was that like I would laugh so hard at you just going, yeah, yeah. He said, yeah, to how you're doing. Yeah, he's so fucking, I mean, it's infuriating. So great. He lives his life. And everything, it's a throwaway, right? So you go like, that's not a quote unquote joke.

But you're like, yeah, but I'm laughing harder at that. At that, yeah. Then the, somebody's, you know, I mean, like set up punchline joke. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm so in my head about comedy, yeah. Then the somebody's main thought, yeah. You know what I mean? Like set up punchline joke. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm so in my head about comedy, dude. Like I worry about how I say good night. Sure. And when I say it, yeah.

Like you'll be like, I see it. Thank you. And I'll just walk off stage. Sure. Please just jumps up. I'm like, all right, thank you. Good night. Yeah.

I'm Robert Kelly. Like I fucked it up so many times. Sure. I won't let anyone, I won bang bang. Yeah. Like I don't, just like try to figure out how to do it. Like I'm trying to get that thing. Yeah.

When I, my first time in Boston, like sell, I sold out the Wilbur. Yeah. So it was like emotional. Oh yeah. And I remember at the end I was like, guys, I want to thank you for, you know, giving that stupid comic speech. Yeah. I want to thank you for, you know, being here for me and I heard a guy go, oh boy. My favorite, by the way, comic move for the sellout thing.

Yeah, we did this. Yeah, yeah, we did this for, look what we did. All of us together. The new thing is when somebody takes the photo with the massive, have you done that one? No, I haven't done it. You haven't done it? I've had my, so I have on tour photographer

who's like, so what I do is I say good night and he's always like, turn around and look at me. But there's also this setup one, where it's like everybody pose here. I haven't done that one. I've done like, I'm walking on this. Where it's like this? Yeah, yeah. And there's like everybody pose here. I haven't done that one. I've done like I'm walking out there. Where it's like this. Yeah, yeah.

And there's massive people behind you. Turn your cell phone lights on. No, just, no, get it. You can take your phones out now. Just turn your lights on. Yeah. I would do that and there'd be a guy in a kiss shirt holding his wife's bag as she's walking out

on the be of like a front row of three empty sweets. And the, and the mezzanine would be dead. It would just be an old lady in a theater suit looking down like this. And you got it, but you know how funny that post is? Like, look at my. I know. I just saw a kiss by the way. I did.

I, um, I saw my message. We're gone. I saw them at the moody in in Austin. Nick Simmons. Gene Sun. Holy shit. It is up and was like, do you want to come to the show? And I was like, yeah, I'll check that out. And I didn't like grow up listening to kiss, but I mean, of course, like, you know, yeah, part of the party. A lot. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, yeah, sure. I go to this show, dude. And we're standing So I was like, yeah, sure. I go to this show, dude. And we're standing in the under the stage,

in the pit right there. And I'm watching these guys put on, like, it's great. An incredible performance. And I don't even register it till I'm walking out with Nick. I was like, how'd you're done? How old are you? He's like 72, so I go into two.

It's a 72 year old man right there. That part is because I start thinking about, I know a bunch of people in their 70s and I'm like, yeah, this is unbelievable. I almost had a cancel the Daniel B. Jim problem this week because I have my knee. I hurt my knee at a driving range. These guys are like launching off of like coming down. Yeah. And you're like, off of like... They're coming down. Yeah. And you're like, that part really stuck with me.

And I also saw Peter Gabriel in concert, which was un-fucking believable. Peter Gabriel? Un-real. In your... But here's the thing, that one? Yes, he's like also in his 70s. Yeah.

His voice is awesome. Has not like degenerated. Right. Like, you know, the aging part where you go, you can hear an old man speak. Sure. His voice is awesome. Has not degenerated. Like the aging prod where you go, you can hear an old man speak. Sure. This guy's like he's talking to you and his speaking voice. And then when the song start, you go like,

are you serious? It sounds like he's 35. And he's obsessed with visual art. Like he's a very big art support. So every song has a new visual art element to it. So you feel like you're at some interactive museum with this incredible shit happening with visually while they're playing. And like, I was there with Adam Eagat and he was like, Adam goes to like 100 concerts a year, like 20 minutes in, he goes, this is the best thing I've ever seen. Really?

Yeah, he goes, I've never seen anything. Yeah, because I mean, like Big J does concerts all the time. And I'm not really a concert. Me neither. But I've started going more since I've been hanging with Big J since me and him do the bonfire together. Yeah. I know you've heard of, you know,

that I took over for Dan Soto. It was one of the best moves that could ever make. Go ahead. Thanks, brother. Yeah. But he, I saw him go out, like the first one he took me cure, well, I almost fucking hung myself, that tub of shit. And he's a good, and sad, and lonely,

and sad, V song is like this, and I'm overweight in the heavy shower, and my hair looks like a mop. This is the way I dance. I want it to hang myself. Sure. Three-hour concert, no visual, stupid visuals. And the only visual was in the middle was here.

Fucking terrible. Metallica? Holy shit. Great. Holy shit, yeah. But I went to kiss my god, but they fucking great. Yeah. And here's what bugs me.

Because Joderosa went to kiss. But he had your, he knows Nick. I guess Nick's a big comedy. He's a big podcast comedy. I'm like, so D'Arosa call, he knows my seats. My seats are up. Yeah. We have a right.

Up in the thing. He's like zoom in. Dude, he calls me. He's like, dead. I fucking was in the pit, dad. I was by a spike and the fuck it feel the heat. Fuck him. Yeah.

He told me, so Nick follows him. He's like, Nick, but guess what? Guess who Nick follows now? You boy. Yeah. Yeah. Hasn't said anything yet, but listen, the thing is, and that was, I went to the last concert.

I was the last one. Dude, I went to the last one in Master in Skark, as it was SquareGon as the last kiss concert ever That's the last one. Dude, I went to the last one in Master's Park as it was Square Gun as the last kiss concert ever. My brought Max to it too. So my son, first kiss concert was the last kiss concert. That's pretty rad. It's unbelievable, it's funny though. Like you don't, like that's why, you know,

Bert show that he does. I know you don't like to talk about Bert. You actually asked me beforehand, please don't bring a Bert. Yeah, apologize. It's okay. Because I don't know, you know, I'm sorry. I'm great. Let's just get through it. Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm glad. Yeah. Apologize. Okay. Because I don't know.

I'm sorry. I'm great. Let's just get through it. Okay. Yeah. I'm sorry. I mean, I was going to say about him. I was going to.

Are you cool with this? Yeah. Yeah. What? Okay, dude. His concert that he's putting on is, you know, the fact that he's putting on this massive show. Yeah.

It's not just his standup show. No. It's this crazy, almost festival-like event. He's a real showman. He is a showman, dude. And that's interesting to me that there's a comedy show you can go to. Yeah.

That's not this big five-day festival. It's one night you can go and see this fucked up show with all these different people. Yeah, yeah. And then he definitely tapped into something. He basically, if you wanna be like, he basically did what, remember, Oddball? Yeah, Oddball was like the live nation's version of that,

and it just kinda went away. Which was basically the virus tour. Yeah, exactly. He opened Anthony, yeah. And so those things like were a thing, they went away. Yeah. There is this gap in that type of thing, and then he just did it.

Yeah. He's like, oh no, I'll put on the multiple comics. It's crazy, yeah. I mean, everybody that did it was on the show. Yeah, I wasn't on it. Everybody that was on it, all my friends, everybody I know was on the show. My friend Bert Show. Yeah.

Friends with, you know, when he started here. Yeah. He lived across street right over there. Yeah. That was two shows all the time. Young comics together. All the other guys, my friends, that all did it.

That all did it. Yeah. That were on the festival. Yeah. They all did it on his festival. Sure. That he put together. All those guys who did it said it was great.

I heard the same thing. I don't know. Yeah. I was in there. Well, the only thing who did it said it was great. I heard the same thing. I don't know. Yeah. I was in there. Well, the only thing is, he does it every year. Right. There's not really a lot of opportunities for you to do it. Right.

You know what I mean? Yeah. There's there'll be another one next summer. I want this summer after. If you ever do a festival, I'd love to be on it. Okay. Yes, a girl a fest? Sure.

It's just you and we do lipstick. Yeah. Put on lipstick. Put on lipstick. Yeah, it's weird. Like you, I always look at the thing where you guys hit the perfect U-Bur, Ari, Bert, and I think Al all started that network together. That was them.

They started it. Okay. So they started. You were involved in it. Al and Bill started it. It was their thing. And we were, it was kind of like, it was more like unofficial, like you do your own thing, but you're all part of this thing, right?

Like, what would you call that? Like a comedy co-op? Like a co-op. Yeah. You guys were like, we're going to lift each other up. Yeah. And then we basically got to the point, like I was like, well, I want to do my own thing. So it wasn't like a real fracture of anything.

It was just was like, I want to do my own thing. Everything comes to an end. Everything has to kind of, when you grow on it. And we do our own thing where we have these shows and then we produce these like a, we did live streaming shows, we did our first scripted one that comes out this Friday called,

yeah, it's like a, it's called 69 minutes. So it's like a, Dude, when did you become good looking? I don't, am I? I mean, yeah, dude, like you, like if you go back, goes to girl, type in Tom's, there's some,

2006. I mean, you are just a tub of shit back there. Yeah, it's pretty bad. I mean, you're a fucking gr... Look at that guy. Thanks, man. I mean, you're just a tub of shit back there. Yeah, it's pretty bad. I mean, you're a fucking gr- Look at that guy. Thanks, man. I mean, you're good looking right now. Dude, you became a good looking guy.

Can I tell you something? Sure, I'm not being a tub of shit. Yeah. Is that when you are a tub of shit and people go, that's, look, this is who you've been. You remember pre-tub of shit. Right. You know what I mean?

So like when people were like, you've always been like this, you're like, no, no, no, no. I remember before Itubb of shit. Right. You know what I mean? So like when people were like, you've always been like this, you're like, no, no, no, no. I remember before I became a tubb of shit. I mean, that guy looks like he touches just a little closer to the worst one. That's not the worst. I mean, who is that?

Yeah. You were not meant to be good looking until you were old. Maybe. You're like George Clooney. Am I? You're really gassing me up right now. Like George Clooney was all right looking back in the day

As an older but as you know what I mean like now he's fucking great Do you have another one Hampton Roads Tom I mean just type in look me help you out. Yeah, just type in Tom Sigerah fat And then hit image results And then hit image results. Let's do that with me too. Let's do, I wanna do this with both of us. Oh yeah. Go ahead, Tom's gonna go to a fat and bring them all up.

Oh my, you look like a club owner. Yeah. I mean, look how pretty she is. Yeah, she looks really good. I mean, she looks fantastic. What, no, get another one. I love that they bring up one. Go to Google. Yeah, it's not Google. I mean, she looks fantastic. What, no, get another one. I love that they bring up one. Go to Google.

Yeah, it's on Google. I apologize. Just go to Google. Oh, look at that one. What's that? Is that you? Oh, the left one. The one left there.

That's one of the hottest like ever was. Left, down, that one. That's one of the, if you can make that bigger, one of the biggest. If you did a special like that, that was just, that was, but the other image. Right now. Wow. I don't know if yeah. Scroll down. Just scroll down. Maybe it's in the scroll down. It's in the

article. Scroll down. I told you I'll have autism. I point. And they and they're not even listening right now. They're just oh, they're there. They're far left. That one. Who's that? That's me. That's not you. That's me. That's not you. That's me. That's not you. 2009. What were you doing?

Were you working at a candy factory? What the fuck do you, and uh, wow. Yeah. I mean, someone wrote just a friendly reminder of where you came from, Tom. I mean, no money you tip. Yeah. Wow, Tom.

Yeah. I mean, you, if you were that guy right now, all right, take it down, man. All right, listen, type in, please type in Robert Kelly fat. I'll make you feel better. You ready? Wanna see this? I remember, can I, did I tell you this when I saw you? It's gonna hurt.

No, no, I saw you, I've seen you big after this, but I also saw you 2011 you were thin, right or wrong. I've had a couple skinnies in the business. 2011, I remember. That's when I actually met you. I met you in 2011 in Vegas. What do we meet? At the Las Vegas Comedy Festival.

That's when I met you and Morgan Murphy. Yeah. I met you there. What were you doing there? I did a gig with, I think with Russell. He had a show part of the film. You opened it for him yet? Yeah.

On his show. Right. I was on a Dane show. I remember. I met you at like kind of like a sound check thing. Jesus Christ. Bro. That's not, that's a getty image.

So that's not Photoshopped. Right. That's a real image. And I hate that they, that's a getty image. I'm hoping that- You ever have the thing, by the way, because you know that horrible picture that, of me that just went up?

When you do, like, announce shows, ticketing, ticketing, like, ticket master? 100%. They'll, they'll use that one. They'll be like, here's, see Tom at the PNC arena. I'm like, this is the fucking show. Yeah, dude, this is the photo you pick. Dude, I have them use this shit all the show. Yeah, dude, this is the photo you picked.

Dude, I have them use this shit all the time. They just did a thing, I just did the comics come home. Probably the 11th time, and they were doing promo videos, and the person that did the promo video. Number one, I never get put in the videos. It's always everybody else but me, right? So instead of being an asshole and going, fuck you, I went, hey man, I just went great video.

I go, maybe I'll make the next one. But not like, I just say, man, maybe I took the high road. So, they're like, thank you so much, which a little bugged me. You fucking, of course. But they go, hey, we're making new ones and you're in the next batch. It was a cool image

that they put in the video. They used one of the fattest photos of me, just like this. So my fat shirt was like a cape. Yeah. So I looked like Dom Delewese. Remember when he was in,

in anything? No. Yeah. And smoking the band at three. Yeah, yeah. I think it was when he was in anything? No, smoking the band at three. Yeah, yeah. I think it was when he was a captain, Captain Chaos. Remember, Dom Delus, when he was a captain chaos. Sure. Captain Chaos.

And he had the cape and then you were like, and the little thing, that's what it looked like. Captain Chaos. Wait, so what's the biggest, is this the, was that thing like about the biggest you ever got? That was around 360. Yeah. Wow. All right, you didn't need to say that. Well, that mean what a change. Yeah. You look great. Thank you, man. You love it. We both, I'm pulling it together in our middle age. Can I tell you something? I think, I actually, here's the thing. Yeah. So friends of mine that I knew, let's say,

when I was a freshman in college, I was fat, right? And then we get to this age and they're all like, damn dude, like, you know. Yeah, look what you did. Those guys were freshmen little twigs. Look, now they're pigs. Yeah. Those guys were freshmen, little twigs. Look right now. They're pigs. Yeah, pigs.

So like, I'd rather have it this way, where we get, that's the only advantage of having let yourself go early and neglecting yourself, is that you can actually work towards getting it together as you age. Like, you can hit 65 where people were going to be like, yeah, what's up? Damn, dude, you really, where the other guys just go, I'll throw in the towel. They throw in the towel. A lot of dudes are age, they give up and I understand why, dude, having kids, having a job. Yeah. It's 10 30 at night. And you're like, I'm just going to go to bed and you got to go to the fucking dumb, do some type of exercise. Yeah. Yeah.

It sucks. It sucks. And it sucks, cause I'm a good dad too, so I wake up in the morning with my kid and make sure, I know fuck, this comics will be cut. What's up, I'll call him at like, you know, eight o'clock.

What's up dude? Yeah. What's up? I'm like, you're sleeping? Yeah, yeah. But your kids, you have kids,

my going to school. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm like, you don't wake up or you're fucking kid? Nah. I don't have to. You know, I know, you know, of them. I'm like, don't, you know, you have to, but they're not going to be kids. You know, I don't, but they're going to tell you to go fuck yourself and call you by your first name. No, they

remember all that shit. Right. Did I, I took my kid, I took my kid to a birthday party. I flew in Sunday. Right. I got home at like 12.30 and my wife was like, do you want to stay home with a little guy or take the big guy to a birthday party? And I was like, I'll take the big guy to the birthday party. Right.

So I go to the birthday party and it's like 12 kids. It's all boys from his class and they're gonna do the Nerf gun indoor thing. It's great. Super cool, awesome. And I even tell the mom of the birthday boy, I go once they get in there, I'm probably just gonna go grab a coffee.

She was like, oh yeah. And then, I'll just come right back, but just so you know, here's my number. And she's like, all right. So they line the kids up and he goes, hey, I don't wanna do this. And I go, what? He goes, I don't wanna do it.

And I go, this is gonna be awesome. And he goes, I'm not interested. And I go, all your friends, you don't wanna play with your friends and he was like yeah And I was like I I'll just kind of I'll just be here to get him started. Yeah, so they line them up And they go orange and green jersey so that there's teams for the Nerf gun thing Pass out all the jerseys 12

Or 11 and then they go what do you want he goes? Oh, I'm not doing this with his hand I'm not doing this with his hand. I'm not doing this. And I go, okay, and I look at the mom, and she's like, you know, I go, yeah, let's just be a minute. So then they pass out the, the Nerf guns, and they get to try different Nerf guns, and they come up to him, and they're like, which one do you want?

He goes, oh, I'm not doing this. And I go, all right, the kids line out, and then I pull them back, and I go, what do we, just you out and then I pull them back and I go, what do we, just you and me check out one of these guns. And he's like, okay. And I go, I kind of like, just with body language, you know, to the lady behind, I was like, hey, he wants to, she gets it, you know.

She's like, yeah, she pulls down a few. She's like, you want to try this one? He's like, yeah, loads it up, shoots it at the wall, put them, I go, that one's pretty cool. And he goes, yeah. And he goes, here you go. I'm not doing this. I was like I go okay.

So the kids all load into the like the the room where they're going it's like there's obstacles and barriers to play it's like you know, nerf gun shit like they're playing like shoot them up right. And he sits at the viewing window, and he's just like watching. I go, you don't want to get in there and do this? And he goes, oh, no, no, no, I'm fine. And I go, what do you want to do? He's like, there's an arcade.

When we just go to the arcade, right? And I go, okay. And I tell I go, I think maybe we'll do this for a minute until you kind of warms up. Sure. We go to the arcade. He just starts playing like all the games. That's like super into it.

Yeah. Eventually, a staff member goes, hey, the boys are now in one, they have like rooms for the birthday. Like, they're done with nerf. Right. Now they're gonna do pizza and cake and stuff. And he goes, I go, hey, we gotta go,

they're doing the cake and stuff now. He goes, we're not gonna go now, right? And I go, hey, we gotta go, they're doing the cake and stuff now. He goes, we're not gonna go now, right? And I go, well, yeah, this is the end of the party. Yeah. And he's like, he's like, all right. So we walk into the room and they go, what kind of pizza you want? He goes, I don't like pizza.

And I was like, this is true. So you know, he doesn't like pizza. I know he doesn't like pizza. I was like, do you have anything else? And they go, no, I was like, great. So I sit down and he goes uh can we go back to the arcade? I go you just sat down like this is his party It's like say hello to him He doesn't even know your ear. So they they finish pizza they do the cake and he's like yeah, I'll text cake And he eats a piece of cake and then he goes you ready to go I go you want to play again

He goes I want to go home like announces it in front of people. I'm like, I go, just, let's just hang out a minute. They play a little more arcade, and then he was like, he plays a little more. He played so much where the kids, they get points on their cars, and they were getting like 300 points, and then you get it.

He had 5,600 points, so he got 30 toys. And then he goes, this was the greatest day, Dad. Really? Yeah, I go, yeah. And then the mom was like, she goes, you're a good dad, you just, you know, like you just, I go, yeah, what am I gonna fucking use them? Well, here's what you could do. Grab them, I'm gonna show you a little trick.

Yeah. Right here by the end. Oh, yeah. And go get in there and you fucking embarrass me. I need a coffee. I want it to. I wanted to. I was holding onto that fucking feeling of a bottle. That's what my mom would have did. Yeah.

Get the fucking there. I felt like I've done those things where I've broken them before, like you're fucking doing this. You can't. But I was like, no, he just doesn't want it. It dude, I give you full credit for not muscle, alpha-mailing your kid into doing something because here's why you feel like if you don't do it right if you don't make him kind of conform a little bit yeah he's gonna be

out in the world just bumping into shit yeah I don't do it you have to get on the fuck. You can't just open the door of the plane, mid-flight. You're like, my brain thinks like he's not gonna learn. Yeah. He's not gonna learn the things that he needs. So you don't wanna dog like a wolf who'll bite the fuck in that little, yeah, yeah.

And the little guy's like, all right, you don't do, like I feel like sometimes there is a thing for that. But, and then I realize it's all bullshit, I think. I think it's a balance, because I've taken him to other things where he goes, I don't wanna do this. And that what I thought was gonna happen that day is within a few minutes, he's like, this is awesome.

Because I've seen him do that. But on this particular day, he was like, and he was also like, it wasn't tremendous. It wasn't a fear. Yeah, and it wasn't, it wasn't, he wasn't like, yes, yeah. He was like I just want to go play video games My kid wanted to go up on the roof. Hey, I was up on the roof cleaning the gutters. Uh-huh because I have to Because that's the money. I'm a foot doctor

I say I'm the roof gonna go, I know you're brainy me, why don't you just pay somebody to do that. What are you doing? What are you doing, you idiot? What do you want to help her? Do you have a helper? No, I mean, staff. You have a staff.

My staff are fucking mentally ill. They're not even here right now. I have three guys, they're not even here. I had to go on the roof one day and he was like, Dad, I wanna go up. I was like, let's go. So he climbs up the ladder and freezes halfway out. Yeah.

And I was sitting there, come on, come on, you got it. Oh, that's shit. And there's the point, look, I gotta clean these fucking, I don't wanna be up here. Yeah. I'm like, come on, man, you gotta do it. And then he starts crying, shaking. Yeah.

I'm like, listen, man. I go, listen, you don't have to do this. If you want to be a quitter, you can be a quitter and be a pussy your whole life. And then he cried more. And my wife threw a leaf blower at my fucking head. No, I'm kidding. Ah.

No, I just said, I go, listen, man, you have to do this. And he went away, he went away, and then came back and tried it. He kept doing it and crying. But the patients, you want to just go, hey, man, fuck off. Of course.

Fuck off, dude. I got to do this shit. You had to shot. Yeah. You know what I mean? Or grab him by his hair and pull him up and go, look, see it's fine. But I think that's a bet.

There's a, there's a, there's a, times where you, you just read it where you're going, you're like, you know, like it's like if we start something, I go, you're not stopping this, right? Like with the sport, I go, if you, like when we did the Jiu Jitsu thing, before he was in love, I go,

if I'm getting you this key, yeah, you're fucking in this thing for a year. Minimum. I did the same thing. Minimum year. I don't want to hear any shit in like next month where you're like, I don't want to go. I go, you're going. And that was before he was like, I love this. Yeah. And he was like, okay, like because I'm not going to let you just like, you know, I'm not going to get all the equipment or whatever. And you just go, no, I feel like doing it. Right. Yeah. But like, if you're just like, I don't wanna play with my friends, I'm like, all right dude, like,

yeah, I'm not gonna fucking drag you into this, you know? Yeah, it's a hard thing, cause you don't wanna be all the shit I went through, you know, because your parents, your mom, first of all, one of the funniest things on the internet, and I'll say this confidently, is your mom farting. It's pretty great. It's top five.

Have you seen the helicopter? What? The helicopter? What's that? Dude. I know. Listen, the farting video with your mom. That's pretty great.

That is great. It's great. What's the helicopter? If you go to my YouTube page, and I'm not big on like You know doing you got to see what but like it is worth putting your headphones on It's only like a couple of years. Yeah, like you're one of the nicest people I've ever met But you're there's a connection that you don't have to humanity. Yeah, where if it's funny that supersedes empathy Yeah, yeah, you. Yes, right?

Absolutely. And I think she's, for her 79th birthday, she came to, it's that one right there. Okay, I came to Austin, and I go, Hey, um, I go, do you want to go for, I've been taking helicopter flying lessons. That's such a, and I go, Why the, why the fuck can I just say something?

What is this thing with fucking rich dudes that as soon as you get caught cheating, you buy your wife a horse, and as soon as you get body, you get a helicopter lessons. I know, I just, what is that? I just, here's the thing. I've been taking these lessons,

and she hates flying. Yeah. So I lobbed it. I go for your birthday. Do you wanna go for like, just a nice flight through, you know, part of Austin? And she was like, yes. So I didn't know any convincing and I was like, really?

And then my instructor who has like, 5,000 hours, like a real fucking animal pilot. Yeah. We're in this MD500, which has a lot of, like fully articulating blades, has a lot of maneuverability that you can't find in... Magnum PI. Magnum PI chopper.

Yeah. But you can't do some of the things you can do in this helicopter. You can't do in like a Robinson 44, like a more standard. I need you to stop talking to me like I have to. Okay, okay. Listen to me. Yeah, I just got a Lexus.

But it's a standard 44. What's this? Durah, a Sincene 19 is not, you know what I'm saying? It's just, this is the, I'll put it this way. Yeah, this is the same manufacturer that the helicopter that we're in, that the Coast Guard uses. Okay. So like it has those type of things.

Your friends are so rich that you don't know how to talk to regular comic comics. But it's like the Mega 95, right? It's a 95. But so what I did was... I don't know those. She's in the back. My birth and birth.

We mounted GoPro. and at a certain, my new mother, well, one on her and one on me and I go at us, we'll do a nice casual flight and then I'm going to look to my instructor, give him the signal and he's going to put on like an aerobatic show and she gets so tell me this is this is one of the findings that I've ever witnessed. Helicopters are fucking terrifying. It's, we almost died. Go ahead.

What? My mother's birthday, Charo. Turn it up a little. I got up at an MD 500 that I've been training to get my pilots license in. I think she's gonna be scared to death and I cannot wait to see the footage. Can I pause it right here for a second? Yeah.

This is why I fucking wouldn't. I don't care if I had a billion dollars. Yeah. I would never do helicopter shit. It's just the... Just the fucking, I have to check the back here. Oh, that part sucks dude. Suck it. Pre- suck. I got to go

pre-flight check is the absolute worst and then I gotta look and then I gotta spin that and I got a little thing I know that that shit that you have to be it's it's fucking It's like grunt work. Can you pay somebody to do that for you? Yes, because I just want to get in Cuz Gage Yes, because I just want to get in. Because she's the I just want to do that. You can do that. I don't want to fucking spin a backroader. And I know it's fucking it blows. It blows. It does. Okay. Over a year. He's good. I thought he's been flying for a while. I gotta stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. People have to know that your mom Is Peruvian. Is it Peruvian? Yeah. Yeah. She's Spanish. Yeah. Yeah. It's exotic Mexican. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's Peruvian, yeah. Yeah, she's Spanish. Yeah, yeah.

It's exotic Mexican. Yeah, yeah, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what fucking blew me away, dude. I didn't know you, the fact that you speak Spanish and your mom is totally, Yeah, she's 100% off the boat.

100% off the boat. She was like 30. Yeah, because you look like you're from Connecticut. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, you, yeah. And the, you look like you're from Connecticut. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, and the few look like you're my, I was like, Thomas. And my dad is like super white.

So I got like his, you know, a complexion. Yeah, I've got. I like the guy who's kind of dude. Okay, this is started to find. John, you have to end your life. You got to just live it up. Yeah, I love you, my man. Let's get in.

But I get the end of my life. I'm crazy as shit. We have a dog plan now. So when you push it, we're gonna get. I love you. Let's get in. Crazy. We have a door. When you push it, nobody on the car. But if you push it now, right now, no, but there's no one has my phone. Can anybody else hear me now? It's a death trap.

Oh, dude. This is like, she's like, oh, this will be a nice. So she's not even near you. She's in the back and she can't see her. She's alone. Yeah, alone. You put her alone in the back of the chop. Oh God. Right. And so I'm seriously the most proud of that. That's why I'm sure I'm so proud of this. So okay. Then we go into this. This is like casual sightseeing. I'm flying here just like, look over here, isn't this nice? He's like, this is nice.

It's beautiful. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. And then I go, all right, you take over and he goes straight into chaos, bro.

Side into a nose sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways sideways I can't even see her, I know how funny it is. Oh, she's so, she's so fat. Oh shit. Oh you have no empathy play. I gotta see what she says. Oh yeah, it's good. I gotta see what she says. I don't see like human being escape all of the doing stuff like that. She says bad as a cat. There's a mean son.

Like a kid when you didn't work out you didn't do it how show you the course of the rules? I cry, I pray, I got getrified and now you're like and now you get to go it's my birthday I'm shaky, I have completely nauseated by the way it's not a cool though

no, Tommy, kick the bull kick the bull and then you're going to the side where going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him.

I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him.

I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to shit now. I'm gonna buy you shit now. You're gonna buy me shit now. I'm gonna buy you shit now.

I'm gonna buy you shit now. I'm gonna buy you shit now. I'm gonna buy you shit now. Maybe I'm gonna get the I Watch 15. I watch 15! Good. I lost to this. God, I love you mom, dude.

She is a character. She is a character. She was going, think about your father. And let's have him say you would be doing this to me. Dude, can you please play the fart video? Oh, yes. Dude, it's such a mean. Charo fart. The fact that you put this out here. That was a whole negotiation. Why?

So, you know, it was magic that I captured it. It's magic. I'd said something like something about like, I bet you can't fart like you used to. Something like that. And as I say that, she turns around, I feel like there's something coming. Like there's, I feel like she's ready to perform.

And I reach in my, and that's the beauty of these iPhones is that like I reach in my pocket, pull it out. You have that icon like the camera. And I just, I literally happened to hit record in the one second before it starts. And then you can see that, if you slow it down, you can see that when she's done farting, before she turns she goes, like she's pleased with herself.

Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, she sees it. It's the greatest moment. And then I was like, I have to post this. It's the greatest moment and then I was like I have to post it It's the greatest moment. Absolutely not the fact that she realizes that you got it. Is that it? Yes, I play it and It shows you that God is real God is good all the time. It's a magical moment to volume up and let's let's Let's watch I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally.

I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally.

I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I can't believe I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I'm finally. I can't believe I can't believe I can't believe I'm finally. Tom, Tom. I don't know if I'm getting more. Tom! Tom!

Tom! Tom! Go at me. Tom! Tom! It's one of the greatest farts ever captured on video. I agree. It's just, and it's a natural organic, it's just moment.

The fact that it's coming out of a middle-aged, Peruvian woman. More than middle-aged. It's a senior right there. It's like, you know how things have value. You know, like diamonds have color clarity. Sure. That's all of it. The fact the length of the fart, the grumpiness of the fart, the dry, purness of the ass, and then that is coming out of an old Peruvian woman. Yeah. Who doesn't know she's being recorded. And is proud of it is one of the greatest moments of internet history.

If the internet, if AI kills us all. Yeah. This is, that would be worth it. There was that moment when it was done where I was like the panic of, wait did I, did I record? Yeah. And then you watch it and you're like, how can I make my phone safer right now? Like I didn't know what to, I just didn't want to, you want to lose it?

I'm scared to lose it. And then I was like, because you found gold. I was like, yes. Back in Alaska when they found a nugget, and then it looked around like, I got to hide this. I got to hide this. I got to get this safe. Yeah.

And then I let the day pass, like we would talk about it, and I was like, you know, I have to share that she was, I will kill you, I kill you. And I go, how can we make this happen? And as soon as I was like, how can we make this happen? She was like, I want a tummy bag, say. I want the crossbody bag, the wheel, want the matching set.

I want to go for a casino, and I want real money, play. And then I agreed to all those things, and then the next day she was like, I need first class tickets. I go, what the fuck was the first class tickets? She goes, and the car service to pick me up. I go, this is becoming like a fucking $20,000 video. It's worth it. And she was like, if it's worth $100,000, because if you want to put your mother in the floor, like this, it will,000 video. It's worth it. And she was like, if it's worth $100,000,

because if you want to put your mother in the floor, like this, the world to see. I love your mom. Yeah, so much. She's hilarious. And what about your wife's family? Are they cool? No.

No, no. No, no. Uh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, her mom was a, her mom was a heat of work. Like, you know what people go like, my mom's crazy. And you're like, yeah, of course, my mom was crazy. All moms are crazy. So she's like, this one we're dating, she's like, all right, you're gonna, you know, we're gonna meet my mom today for a let's just so you know, like I said, my mom was pretty crazy.

And I was like, my mom's crazy. And she was like, just okay. So we go into this restaurant, and her mother was Hungarian, also off the boat. And she's all done up at the time. She's probably like, I don't know, what is it? Late 50s or something, really 60s. And she's like, hello, Tom.

She says the greets me, And then she turns to Christina. And she goes, I've seen blooming days today. And this fucking cat tries to sell this to me. I say, fuck you, you fucking bitch. And I was like, I was like, this is your mom. Like, that was her greeting, right? Wow. And I turned to Christina.

And she was like, like, and I go, oh, your mom's like, she's a real hothead. Yeah. She'll kill you. And that was her personality. It was like, I fuck you, you know? Wow. Yeah, she was like intense. Did different culture.

Different culture. And like, yeah, I mean, yeah, her mom was really on one. But she died a number, what, seven years ago? Oh, something like that. And then her dad, you know, yeah, her mom was really on one, but she died a number seven years ago, something like that. And then her dad, you know, just, no, didn't really know. So you, when your family is kind of the family. Yeah, yeah, in our household, yeah.

Right, yeah. No, that's cool. I mean, your mom, is your dad cool? He was, he died. Sorry. At the end of 21, no, he was the best. The best. He was the best. I mean, everybody

loved Christina loved him. He was awesome. Yeah. How do you die? Cancer cancer. He had a multiple myeloma blood cancer. Yeah. I hate the fucking names for cancer. Can they just mal lymphoma, multiple myeloma? What is that one? That one's a it's a very's from TV dinners? What is that from? I probably Vietnam, probably Phoenix Bo's. My dad was in Vietnam too. Yeah, probably the, I mean, Agent Orange stuff. My real dad. Yeah. You know, my biological father.

I haven't seen it in a while. Really? Yeah. No, he's still around. We just, we choose 20 years. Yeah. 20 years. Yeah, some weird thing.

Yeah. My sister needed a kidney transplant and he wrote a letter to my sister. I don't know, this is all. Best of luck with that. Well, like, next to that, that's a great letter. It was in that vein of like, you call me when you need shit.

But this is from my mom too. Yeah. Who, you know, I never saw that. My mom told me that, so that could have been fabricated. I love my mom, but she, you know. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I'm such a hothead, you know,

if you don't like something and I like you, I don't like them. You know what I mean? That's fucking stupid Italian in me. Fucking dead dead, you know. I mean, Verzy talk about it all the time. Those people that he's still mad at that I've made up with, that I told him to go fuck them.

He's to fuck them, to fuck them, to meet, too. But I never went back and said, oh, do we made up? We're good. He's treating these people like shit for years and I'm like, no, dude, we're cool. He's like, you gotta fucking tell me, dude. I'm a fucking, I mean, I don't talk to that guy.

I've been talking to that guy in three years because you're your fucking cocks, I don't. But, yeah, I haven't seen my, I to that guy. I would talk to that guy in three years because you're fucking cocks at that. But, um, yeah, I haven't seen my, I don't know. I would like to see my dad. Yeah. My step dad passed away a few years ago from fucking weird shit. Really?

Yeah, he went away for a week and hit his head and then fucking got sepsis and gone. We're at the age now too. We're like, the, the, the generation older us, they're all about to die or dying. And then we're also in the age range where like some people in our age range are going to just suddenly die. People are dying at my art. 40, right? You're 50? I'm 44. I look for you. You're 44. Yeah, but I look like I mean, I mean, you look like shit. I know. I've been hearing this

for my whole life. Dude, you're 44. Do you understand that when I was 15? I was thinking about this. I'm 53. When I was 15, you look 59? No, I could go by booze and not even fake ID. They're just like, hello, sir.

Like, at 15 years old. 15, I looked 27. Yeah. Hello, sir. Yeah. What are you bringing up? Are there 44 year old celebrities? I mean, dude, Chris Pratt.

Oh my God. But here's the thing, you're gonna try, like either that's heavily photoshopped or he's wearing a ton of, he's got filler and makeup. Like that's not a normal fucking 44 year old face, dude. Get the fuck out of here. That guy has, what are you looking at me like that for?

Because I'm sad that that's a normal 44 year old face. Is there real 44 year old face? No, I'll tell you what you've done in the last couple of years. Are you, I'm thinking, can I talk to you for about something? Yeah. It's funny too, because like, me and you have never exchanged numbers. Yeah, we should do that today. Well, you can, but it's fine if you don't want to. No, I mean, never exchanged numbers. Yeah, we should do that today.

Well, you can, but it's fine if you don't want to. No, I mean, here's why. Because usually when I actually, like, you know, I love Bert. Yeah, I love him. Yeah, he's great. But he's the worst. Right. He's the greatest.

Right. But he's the worst. Totally. He's the greatest. Right. But he's the worst. Totally. Like he'll, he'll fucking text you from, you know, this thing with this cigar and this people and Bobby. I wanted you to meet and you're like, Hey man, what's up?

What's up, this is awesome. Yeah. And then you'll call him the next day, Hey dude, that was fuck blah, nothing. Buddy, I'm his business partner and I have the same problem with him. Like, we actually have investments together and I'm like, hey man, this is day three of reaching out.

What the fuck is that? I'm calling his wife. What is that? He's just, I don't know, dude. I don't, I go't know, I don't, I got a lot going on, you know, he's just like this, I don't know, manic kind of. But there's other people too, where, you know,

you'll, you'll, you'll, hey man, what's up? What's up dude? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. We've reached a certain, right? Yeah. And then you'll go, hey man, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nothing. Yeah.

And you can't, you know what I mean? There's, and there's levels to this, right? This sounds like a lot, but like there's also, I do this thing, I've done the thing too, where I read the text. Yeah, I'm like, oh yeah. And then you go, yeah, yeah. And I forget too.

But usually you pick up on that, like that, ends on, like maybe the next time that you go, shit, I didn't respond to your earlier text. Right. But with Bert, like that ends on, like maybe the next time that you go, shit, I didn't respond to your earlier text. Right. But with Bert, I'm telling you, it'll be days, days and days, or weeks, yeah, weeks. And I'm like, because I, yeah, like you're still still trying to reach you through all the platforms.

And it hurts. Yeah. Yeah. Cause he gets you. Yeah. He'll call you, attacks you with this dude, and you're like, hey, that's fucking great. And then when he finally does,

I'm like, hey man, this is a long, I've been paragliding and I'm like, what? What? And he's like, yeah. Do you need something? Well, I don't even remember why I called you. I just want to make sure everything is, you're still alive now.

Yeah, it's weird because so I don't know if we should exchange numbers because, you know what I said, I don't want to be hurt by you, Tom. Yeah, it's weird because so I don't know if we should exchange numbers because I don't want to be hurt by you, Tom. Well, we could, yeah, because what happens if we exchange numbers, then we just risk so much. We risk a lot. Yeah. And if we don't, it's been great.

It's been awesome. Yeah, right? It's fun. Because I went to your show and I did your show. It was so fun and it was so great you and your wife was so fun. It was just great you and your wife was so fun. It was just amazing, right? And then I left.

Yeah. And I was like, should I have, yeah, we should have exchanged numbers. Should I have said something? Yeah, we should have exchanged numbers. Exchange numbers? By the way, it's a great episode that you did. It was a fun one.

It was really. Your show's great. It was really fun. It was really great. And the studio is a fucking ridiculous. Yeah, they did it. They did it. How do you like our studio? It's cool. I like it. I do. I do. I do.

Your studio is nuts though. It's pretty nuts. You have Starbucks. Well, it's it's only possible Because of where we are. I mean, I couldn't do I couldn't duplicate that now. Right New York. Right. You could do that Yes, you could you know how much it would be though. There'll be a lot of money, but you could do it You could you have a helicopter. I don it would be though? There'll be a lot of money, but you could do it. You have a helicopter. I don't have a helicopter. I'm getting a helicopter. This is a big difference. Well listen man, I say we don't exchange numbers.

Yeah, let's keep it like this. Okay, well that hurt. That was kind of a setup. Oh no, I insist. That we can't. That we can't. that we can't. You know what I mean? How would if I give you,

what if I give you one of my old numbers? That'd be kind of a fun. You have a burner phone? I have a few numbers. What do you have, how would if I give you my number? Yeah. I'll give you my number. Oh, and then, and then you,

You can block your thing. I like this. And it's on you. I like this. I'll give you my number and then you call me. You gotta wait it out. I'll wait it out. I'm fine with that, dude. It could be what is it? It could be March. And you're gonna do the fuck is this. Who's that? But you have to you can't do that. You can't be like, Hey, dude, how are you? You're like, dude,

it's T. Yeah. It's T. S. And I decided it was time to open the gate. What's up? No, don't open the gate. Don't open the gate for me. You're crazy. Okay, okay. Just, what's up? What's up? Like you regularly, you govern our friendship. I like it. How's that? I think it's a great idea. And then like if you like, do listen, man.

Uh, doing a thing coming in, wanna, blah, blah, right? And you're like, all right. And I can text back to it. Yeah, but you're gonna be like, I'm in fucking heart for it. You're never gonna be here when I'm coming in. You're always be gone. You don't coming in. You're always be gone. You don't know that. You don't know that.

Why don't we put on our dad glasses to end this thing? Why don't we end this thing? Put on our dad glasses. Tom Saguaro, you have a new thing out right now. Yes. It's 69 minutes. It's 69 minutes. Why is 69?

So we did like a... And why do I always think of 69 when I hear 69? Well, it's a, we did like a parody of 60 minutes, but we did pieces about things like do poor people use washcloths only, or you know, like we did those types of pieces. Right. Christina did a piece on, should she expand or remove her hore tat, her tramp stamp? She has one. Yeah.

Danny Brown did a wide peckle ball as so, is really taking off with whites. Um. Is this, is this gonna be a show show like all the time? I don't know, like we, you know, we produced, like I tell, I tell the pot, we produced an episode of television. That's what it is.

It's 69 minutes and that we used that kind of like to give ourself parameters how to make this show, where I, you know, I host it like I'm the host of a news show. And I throw to different packages and pieces that we produce, but like, like, Brian Gumball. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just like real sports. Exactly, like real sports.

And then some of the people sat with me afterwards and we, you know, we play it like it's very serious, but it's very stupid shit that we want. I wanna do one. It's very fun. So if you ever do this again, please, oh, I think we will. I will, and this is where, where can you get it?

YMHStudios.com. And is it, how much does it cost? 10 bucks. 10 bucks, and you get the whole episode. You get the episode and. You own it? I think it streams forever. For a long time, for a long time, legally.

That's great, man. It streams for a long time. Oh yeah, and that's the upcoming tour. What's the tour called? Come together. Come together. Is it? C-U-M.

I wish. No. Are you trying to bring people together? Yeah, but is it like Beatles? Or is it like, let's all come together and maybe you can come on someone if you meet them there. So you can come bring people together? Yeah, but is it that? Is it like Beatles or is it like, it's like, let's all come together and maybe you can come on someone if you meet them there. So you can come together and maybe come on somebody

and you're selling out. You're killing it, Tom. Not only are you killing it and stand up. Now you're reaching, I'm so glad you're doing like television. I'm excited to do it. You by the way that I told you are an incredible actor. And I noticed that having seen you, I saw you on Louis, I saw you in that movie.

Fourth of July. Yeah, you're a really good actor man. Yeah, but ever since I lost weight, I've lost that ability. To act? Yeah, really? It was a fat, it was hit, the fat was hitting a nerve in my brain.

That may be act good. No shit. Yeah, watch, try it now. Give me a scene. Okay. I want you to be really, you're really sad about the fact that the coffee place downstairs closed because it's been a family business and you loved that family. Okay, ready? Yeah.

Can you believe that there's no more coffee down there? What? What are you a fucking hit man or something? This is scary. Can you believe they there's no more coffee down there? What? What are you a fucking hitman or something? This is scary. Why are you scaring me? Sad. Don't need to be sad. What? See it's gone. I don't have it anymore. Huh hang on. Let me try it again. Okay. I'm gonna just adjust myself. Go ahead do it again. All right Yeah, we can't get anymore espresso downstairs Downstairs is It's not open they shut the doors

It's nobody bought enough. I don't know. It's the you know the prices lease payments are just too much The Romero family they're gone they're gone. They're gone. Does anyone know where they went? They left a note and just said sorry. Why are they sorry? They just love the neighborhood, man. We should be sorry, Tom. We should be sorry. Not through a narrow family.

They should be celebrated. Enough. We fucked up. Dude, that was fucking... I mean, dude, I got it. You fucked up. I got it, dude. You's definitely...

I got it. You're tearing up I mean I'm tearing up dude. I think you brought it out of me Jesus god. I'm a good actor. You're really good I'm fucking great. That was incredible Dude you got so much shit going on Thank you first of all for coming in you didn't have to fucking do this no You sold out your tickets. This is all because love of the game. Yeah, the game, dude. And I love for Robert Kelly. Dude, and I love you, too, man. I do hope in our new friendship when I give you the number. Yeah. That you, you know,

regulate it and we become friends. So, you know what I'll do. Yeah. Um, we can do. what we can do. Let's see here. Yeah What's no? All right, hold on sure sure Robert I'm trying not to be excited right now Kelly rubber Kelly. Yep, okay You want to put the thing in sure I'm gonna put it right now. Okay, I'm gonna be even nicer if you call me poppy But I'll do that. I'll do that Let's see. I'll change it. You're gonna change it? Yeah, I'm gonna put it. Bobby with an IE. With an IE? All right, I'll change it. Is that how it is? It was a joke. Okay, but I didn't know you're gonna flip out. Yeah, because then I'm gonna search for it. I didn't know you were on the phone book. Who's this check that I used to fucking hook up with? I go. Okay. There you go. Don't show it to the cameras, please. I will not show you were home from. Who's this check that I used to fucking hook up with? There you go. Okay.

There you go. Don't show it to the cameras, please. I will not show it to the cameras. Dude, congratulations, everything. I hope when I come back to Austin, maybe we get lunch. A thousand percent. Get some lunch hangout, maybe come back on the show or whatever or just hangout. Let's do it.

Let's do it. We'll do it both. Tell you, wife, I said, what's up? I will. And tell Bert to return my text message. I will not. But I had a lot of fun, dude. Thank you.

Make sure you check out all his stuff. Please, please. Probably one of my favorite people in the business right now, all around good human being hilarious, funny, does it in two languages. There's nobody like Segera and I hope you enjoyed the episode. Make sure you check out these guys. What do you got? Quick. Max Marcus comedy check out these guys. What do you got? Quick.

Max Marcus comedy, all social media. Follow me at Danny Braff on Instagram and see me January 12th of the Dojo comedy in Jersey. And you can check out the cheese show on YouTube. I feel like it's what you have, like, like those animals at the zoo and you throw the food in. I don't know. I don't know.

That's my perfect analogy. I love these guys. I want to thank these guys for here being every week for sweet heart. And putting the show on you guys are the best fans of the world will see you next time. You know what the podcast, the 31st New Year's Eve Fort Wayne, Indiana Summit City Comedy Club ticket still available. Two shows only. It's New Year's Eve. Spend it with me at Fort Wayne, Indiana Summit, Cindy Comedy Club, Sarah Togan, New York.

I'm going to be the 12th and the 13th at Comedy Works. And then I'm going to be January 18th at Reggie Chicago, the 19th, I'll be at Bubbs Irish pub in Germantown, Wisconsin. And then the 20th, I'm at Glendale, Wisconsin at the Spreadcher Brewery. I got a bunch of dates. Go to robberkellylive.com for all my live appearances. Make sure you go to punchup.live, watch my special that Louis CK directed for free. Punchup.live and all my dates are up there too.

Make sure you subscribe, like and comment, and go to patreon.com slash robberkelly to become a member if you want to support the show. Thanks for watching. You know what? I'm going to come see him live. You should. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty.

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