Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Troy Bond | Fair Use

Episode Date: March 19, 2023

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region. You know what, dude? What's up, everybody? We're back for another episode of YKWD live in the studio. The comedy seller studios. That's it. Nothing after just the comedy seller podcast studios above the world famous comedy seller. And I had a great weekend. I'm excited for you guys to be here.

People watching live from patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. You're watching live. You're in the chat. You're asking questions. You're part of the show. If not, you're watching this Sunday on YouTube. So that's fine. I don't care. You want to be a nickel chaser and roam around the whole thing and get all you out of kids. Good for you. Hit subscribe, comment like, and there you go. That's all I ask. That'd be much appreciated. If not, go fuck your sister. And I am excited. This weekend was a great weekend. I want to thank everybody in Tampa, sold out shows, insane. Every show was crazy.

Mr. Mike Kaufman, my number one best friend, was on two of them. At Mike V. Swars, the producer of this show, was on all four shows, all five shows, and had a blast. I want to thank SideSpotters. And I got some, I did a little crazy shit, we'll talk about that later, maybe if we get to it.

We have a very special guest today. You know, look, I have all my friends on the last week at Joe, we had Colin, we got Dan coming on next week, but you know I like to find the next motherfucker. You know, I'm kind of like the AAA ball club of stand-up comedy. I always like to get who I think is fucking coming up, who's funny, who's got some shit going on,

and I've been watching this little motherfucker for a little while now, and I wanted to get him on the show because I'm a fan. I'm a fan of his fucking comedy, his attitude, and what he's doing out there. So Max, please introduce our guest. Our guest is Troy Bond. He, uh, his website is Troy Bond Live.

Uh, Troy Bond 69 on Instagram. Ah! Ah! And he... Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

That's what it sounded like when I walked in my parents doing it. That was exactly the noise. I just feel coffee on it. It's squirting again. It's squirting. Fucking max hate me. Right? On the queue of 69, it's squirting.

Max hates me. It's max. Max. Oh my god. I'm sorry, Troy. No, this is perfect. No, that's the greatest. And you just gave a clip during an intro.

Everything is a clip or not a clip. And it didn't stain, did it? Do we have any club soda? Max, you hate me. That was a suicide. He did. I saw him a little hold. I don't want to tell you,

but he did try to spit in it right before he gave it in. And I think that's what did it. He just took it up. Ever since I got, I lost weight. I'm on the goal to wear the gayest hoodie. I could possibly wear. And today I thought I did it. And now there's coffee sticks on it.

I know. Now they're gonna, we're in the village too. Everyone's gonna see that. I'm gonna have to burn this. I'm gonna have to burn this. Get this cup away from me. Don't give me a new cup. It's crouching tiger hidden tea bag. That's what it feels like a little bit.

It's good. I like the dragon. What is it? What does it say? Fear is a real reaction. Courage. Courage is a choice. I didn't see that over the stage. Yeah, because it's coffee.

Thank you very much. You were the stayin'. You ruined the saying. I did. It just... It's not the current. It's a choice. Oh, I know.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, coffee stays coffee. Yeah, that's great. Oh my god. It's fine. It's not that. Now it's the coffee stage. Coffee stage, coffee. Yeah, that's great. Oh my God. It's fine. It's not that bad. That's why I chose to go all black.

I spill on everything. People think I did it to, like, I made it Steve Jobs decision. I did it because I stain everything. Well, I used to stay, like, all my shirts when I was big, because I would, I would, I would throw them out. 20 dollar shirts.

Right. I had to wear like specialty fat guy shirts, because when I put, I would, I would throw him out. $20 shirts. Right. I had a weird like specialty fat guy shirts because when I put my arms up, my stomach didn't come out. So I had to buy like these special fucking DXL, you fat fucker. And I would stay in them all the time. So I would have to eat like my wife would yell at me because she want me to eat like this.

Right, yeah, yeah. She wants to go over the book. But I wouldn't. So I get stains. I'm like, I have to throw him go over the book. But I wouldn't. So I get stains. I have to throw them out all the time. And now, since I lost the weight, I haven't gotten stains on anything. And you can wear great clothes.

I can wear the gayers hoodie better. And this is my quest. I want a fucking hoodie that when I walk in a room, like trolls fucking shoot off my shoulders and herds, land them and they shit unicorns. Yeah, Disney Princess coming. Yeah. Howds land on my and they shit unicorns. Yeah, Disney Princess Yeah, how does your wife feel about the hoodies? How did she did she know that she coming on the wardrobe chain? I want to kiss a man with cancer and

You know what I mean, but then we have to marry But you can now my wife and I see my wife knows I'm side queer. She knows she knows the set-mop of me. She was in a browser history situation. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no right now. I get it. Fuck you. Can I use your computer? There's, it's the day. Dane Cook had a great joke back in the day. He goes, he's like, you know, if you guys cheat, are you asked him to borrow, borrow his phone. If he throws it on the ground, steps on it, lights it on the fire and goes, it's broken. He's fucking somebody else's. It's. It's kind of in to be side gay right now. If you look at the TikTok comments and anything, those dudes joking to be gay today. You want to Netflix especially?

Yeah, I know, yeah. I'm like one pegging joke away from getting that little fuck. Or just being like, it's a good thing to get your ass eaten once in a while. Listen, let me tell you something. I do have a problem when I, historically, when I lose weight, because I've lost weight a few times. Right.

And I've gotten down, you know, I still have more weight to lose, but I've done it before where I've gotten like, just shredded, and I historically go full gay outfits. I mean, full. Last time I, well, you're supposed to. 2008, I actually bought tight jeans with zippers on the back pockets. And they were just coming in too.

With Pegasus, coming up the butt on each pocket with tassels. It had white tassels on the zipper. My wife with removable pockets, too. It was badass. It was badass. That's what happened to Vito and sopranos when he he lost all the weight, then he started wearing flashy suits, then he got in trouble for being gay. The fight, the fight is part of that.

The fight is about that is when you watch the show, when you're counting everybody and the kids tell you, he goes, yeah, no, he was, yeah, he was going to go, it's not that, you mean when he was the security guy was sucking in and goes, the kid had no idea. He didn't understand that there was a worse version of being gay. Yeah.

Yeah. He was going down on him. Nobody's got age. What the hell, T? My favorite part about that is Steve Shripp's character was more concerned. He was like, well, he can't hang around our social club anymore.

I mean, that much, I do know. The other guy's like, he should fucking die. He's got to fucking go. But then the kid's so naive, he goes, you won't have a problem with him anymore. He said, oh, thanks. Oh, good. He's just gonna talk to him. Yeah.

Fine, perfect. I'm gonna go back to being a dentist. He goes, he was going down on there. He's got to go. Feel like my dad didn't know hard. Oh, my God. That was my quarantine show. The one that watched it probably 200 times. It was a good, like my dad in the heart. Oh my God. That was that was my quarantine show. One of the watch that probably 200 times. It was a good. I watched during the quarantine too. Yeah.

Yeah. I got into that and I did. I believe I did. We'll see how the what's the meth one. Breaking bad. I never I don't like breaking. I don't like watching shows when people tell me to watch him. Same. Yeah. Yeah. I was that way with Game of Thrones and the wire. I didn't watch the wire till quarantine either. I didn't watch the wire either until wait. Dude, I played paintball with the cast of the world and didn't know them. And you're like, I don't know who the fuck you guys are. I was out there with Omar.

No mercy. Wayne is going, oh, my. I didn't even know what it meant. Who was also in sopranos. He was in season when that Jackie kid got killed. He went to go hide out with him. That's my autism coming through. I mean, you autistic?

Because this whole crew, I have all the proof. The whole crew here's autistic. I think that's another thing where like, it's cool to be autistic now too, like set. There was a guy the other night, he was like, Oh, that's cool, it's cool. Like everyone has it. And there was this guy who was like,

I can't look at my girlfriend in the eyes because I have autism. And I'm like, they used to be called lying. Yeah, yeah, or fucking just psychopath. Yeah. Yeah, why can't look at my girlfriend in the eyes because I have autism. And I'm like, they used to be called lying. Yeah, or fucking just psychopath. Yeah. Yeah, why don't you like them? I don't know, he didn't look at me all night.

And then he used to sleep. Yeah, I woke up, he was above me staring at me. That's it. Just going, I produce YKWT. Yeah, I'm the producer YKWT. I love YKWT. You know what, dudeKWT. I'm the producer of YKWJ. I love YKWT. You know what, dude? You know what, no, Bobby, I pushed the button.

I put the lid on the coffee, Bobby. I put the, the coffee work when I had it. It's my fault. I even thought I'd shake it up, which I didn't think would have any impact on the coffee. You shook it up right at the bottom. He fucked it up. Yeah, that's how it's- You're right about that, that all, all the stuff that used to be, you know, bad,

because if you look at even like the movie Grease, this guy, cool guy, bad guy, you know, leather jacket guy was trying to, yeah, say it. That's just watching less than it, the Oscars. Oh my, it looks like Paul Versey. The fuck. No, I love Paul Versey, but I didn't think John D'Rodue would ever look like I know yeah, fucking half Greek half a diet from fucking from Westchester. Once he decided to just let the hair go and like admit like yeah, I walk in the park at

3 a.m. without my dog sometimes looking for dudes. Yeah, just out there. The Scientology after a while. I think it was, I think it was when that that fucking anchor died. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. On the clock side. The way you going, I'm going to fly my plane to the South Beach.

Leave me alone. Where are you going, honey? I'm going to fly my plane to Providence. Why the get the fuck away from me? Yeah. Oh my God. It's what we we saying about Greece? Like being back in the day.

Oh, Greece back in the day. He was trying to be a jock. Right. Now that would be reversed. Yeah. He, a jock would be mean to be a bully. Right. Or a dummy.

He would like, Jocks are stupid and dumb now and bullies. When back in the day, getting a letterman sweater was the motherfucker. You know, it was the thing. Now it's joining. I mean, I guess they would dumb too back then, but. Yeah, because there's way less padding in the football helmet. So if you were getting hit, you were getting a scholarship and then you were getting a wheelchair by 30.

Pretty much it. Yeah. But now like that will Smith was playing. You know, I was he or Cuba good. Can we talk about that for a second? Yeah, we'll Smith. Will Smith, right? Now, what is your background?

Where are you from? You're half black, right? Yeah, halfway. I'm from Connecticut. You're from Connecticut. Yeah. So your parents are from Connecticut. They're both from Connecticut.

And what are they, are they smart? They seem smart. You seem smart. They were, you wore your smart glasses if you are not smart. These are my blue light blocking glasses, but they also, they're my, they're my Clark Kent's. I also, I used to have the aviators, but once I started growing my hair out

and the Dahmer series came out on Netflix that just, I can't wear the aviators anymore because everybody calls me Jeffrey Dahmer and I'm like, there's no comeback for that. But hey, you got any leftover gay dude, I'm stuck. Like, what, like, but my parents were from Connecticut. My dad was a, he owned a karate school. He was a DJ and he was a wrestler.

So you know, Karate. And I was growing up. I was a fifth degree black belt before I left. Fourth degree when I was 17. I did it my whole life. So that's where, because you got some, you got weird confidence. You have like regular, you don't have,

you don't have, comics have ego. Right. That mixed with confidence, right? You have like human being confidence. I never had a fear of like speaking in front of people because when I was a kid in the karate school, like I was always around older people and I was my dad's first student and being the coaches on sucks. You know, it's true.

It's not. But I mean, I was like 10 years old teaching guys in their 40s, 50s and 60s self defense. And like that was public speaking. That was how I learned how to, how to talk to people and, and really like how to communicate with people. But as a kid, my dad on top of being a DJ and, and a karate school, we had no money. He made no money doing any of this shit. But he was an actor when he was a kid and he, he was a martial artist. so he was a wrestler. Your dad wasn't in the last dragon, was he?

No, but it's so funny you mentioned that because we went to a expo a couple of months ago and he took me to meet him. Oh, show up. No, the other guy, the time monk. Yeah, I think that's his name. Lead guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brokely Roy. Yeah, still looks like him. We got a picture in everything. But like my dad would listen to comedy albums on the way to wrestling gigs when I was a kid because he hated listening to music. So I think the combination of like memorizing Cosby or Carlin by the time I was like three or four,

like I had the Noah's art bit down. Really? Before I was even in kindergarten. And like when I was eight or nine I had a younger brother. And I don't know this. Yeah. And I'm not trying to be racist.

No, no, no. I'm assuming your dad was the black parent. He was the black parent. But he's the whitest guy I know, for the honest with you. Very funny. It's you. It's you. It's you.

It's like, hey, how you doing, fellas? Hey. That's your last one. You're supposed to be the last dragon. Who is the master? I won't be home today. I got a DJ down to first, seven, seven in the Bronx. But it's all Abba all the time. Great band. It changed our life.

But yeah, my mom was a, she was a factory worker. She worked for a almond, a Peter Paul, which made like almond joys and her. She's then in, in like 2008, 2009, when the recession hit, the factory shut down, moved to Mexico and she became a nurse in like her early 30s, mid 30s. I'd say she was like 35, became a CNA RN. So she smart.

Yeah. And I mean, both my parents were just very caring people. Yeah. I learned that so much from both of them. And they were also big shit talkers. And I would like be in the back of the car listening to them make fun of people. Right. And like learning how when they made each other laugh because they fought a lot. But the laughter was always it was always fun. Interesting to me how they how they could communicate with each other and still laugh and then go home and be like, go fuck yourself. It was just beautiful. It was a great mix of love and intimacy. And then I started, I actually, before I got into

standard, by when I was a kid. Did your mother, it's Irish, what is your mother? What's your mother's background? He's Polish, German, some kind of Jewish, like dissent, like late. Really? So you got Jew and you do? I think like less than five years. You can get a neccessary.

And not a like, no, you are in. You gotta do, you suck my dick on the shelf. I'm ready. Then we're good to go, man. Come on, come on. I feel bad. I just, I feel bad doing the joke. I just watched the Jared documentary.

Oh yeah. I feel like I'm taking a video to a young kid. Do you want to talk about that? That's crazy. Well, talk about that. I just wanted to get a little background from my fans. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, dude, because I saw your clips, your huge on Instagram.

You're very popular. People love your shit. And I started, I huge on Instagram. You're very popular, people love your shit. And I started, I saw you somewhere and I was like, oh, this guy's interesting, he's funny. You got a real, you got that real flow. You, thank you. It doesn't seem forced with you, you know what I'm saying? Thank you.

And you also got into the fucking Tucker Carlson documentary when he was, and you flipped out, because they just took your shit, right? Yeah, mean and mess, but tell them. They just took your shit, but they just took our clips. You know who you remind me of? I just hit me. You just hit me right now when I saw that,

because in my head of always like, do you remind me somebody? You remind me somebody. Who do you get called? Pete Davidson and Logic, a lot, and comments, anything else. Bobby Connovales, sometimes, have gotten.

Bobby Caligato. Yeah. No, that's what I said. Every time someone says I look like somebody, I'm thinking it's Stevie Wonder who's commenting, because I'm like, there's Jake Jalen Hall. Jake, oh, I think that. That's Jake Jalen Hall. Oh, I love that. That's Jake Jill.

Oh, yeah. Oh, maybe he could play me in this clip when they do the movie about it. He could play me, and then we'll get Kamala Harris to play the woman who I called Kamala Harris. When you take out fucking Tucker Carlson, I think I took out a Fisachi in front of a house. I'm just gonna throw a bunch of green M&Ms,

and yeah, I hope he chokes on a hungry man's swanson dinner. Why, I like Tucker. You don't like him? No, I can't stand. I think he's a, I don't know how he folds towels with no chin. Many's probably gonna die on a bicycle because he can't wear a helmet with no hands. I'll look at my best friend and him.

My best friend is Jim Norton, so I can't really look. I know. Yeah, I know. I am. I'm about to know where to helmet. I love it. I hit by a car twice last year. I could say that you did. I was it was stupid. Both times on a bike headphones on. No, I was on a bike and I was drunk. I was on a city bike. Two bottles of wine drunk leaving a club. The trains weren't

running and I was like, all right, I'm just going to take a bike back home to a story. My car blew red light. I wasn't in the wrong technically. I hit the brakes and when I hit the brakes, he just didn't stop going and he hit me. Boom right in the middle of Times Square, was wearing a helmet, flew off the bike, hit my head, scree, I took like a good inch of skin out of my knee. There was like a deep cut.

And so bad, my elbow was like totally bruised and fucked up everything. And like, nope, there was this one, it was a hit and run. The guy didn't stop. He just kept going. And this one New Yorker walked by. He saw the whole thing and he was like, Hey, maybe next time wearing helmet, Mr. Armstrong. And then just kept going. And I'm like in pieces. I look like a family guy character when they fall. Did you get knocking the Times Square in 1970? I'm walking in. It was Dustin Hoffman. He's like, I gotta go assault a woman. It would be hard.

Nobody helped me. Nobody helped me. Not a single, it was like maybe 12 o'clock at night, middle of the summer. The fucked up thing, it was right when I started to blow up on Instagram when I was doing those modern sign-filled videos. And I was like, oh, cool, I gotta go home and do another one. And I couldn't do one for like a week, because I was just posted up and fucked. Then the second time I got hit go home and do another one. And I couldn't do one for like a week because I was just posted up and fucked. Then the second time I got hit was in front of the seller.

Actually, he was right here in front of Papaya dog. This time I wasn't even on a bike. I was kind of lit, but I wasn't like doing anything. I was just standing on the corner and then some cards just jumped the curb and hit me in the other knee. Hit me in the other knee and I fell on the knee like a like a Marvel hero. The big funny if you went back if there was a video, you just took a Carlson. Both times.

Jeremy didn't get him. And then he stole the clip as a way to really hit me in the balls. I don't like care about the thing, but I was wondering, well, the reason I brought that up, I was wondering what the rule is on this clip. Can they have it? They looked it up. I mean, like, you, it's, it's, so when you put it out there, you can have its news. Fair use. Yeah. That's what they call it. Um, and I mean, that's fine. I, it's out there for that, but the reason, but the, but the, the cause of it, the reason for it was

a good reason, right? I think that's a critical reason. I mean, the thing, the, the documentary was comedians can't do comedy anymore. What is going on with this? The liberals hate comedy. Like, if the right understood comedy, they wouldn't be clinging on to my name's Roseanne and my pronouns are shut the fuck up. Like, and they can't, because it's not a lot of diversity.

I love Roseanne. I used to think Roseanne was great. But I mean, you can hit by, she was another one, car accident, boom, and everything got scrambled up in there. And Ambien and racism and all that other stuff, which, but that's, I love Roseanne. But I think it's hypocritical of Tucker and those guys who work for that network to be like, comedy is under attack when every single time that a late night show where SNL would do Trump,

they would all call it Trump derangement syndrome and that there's liberal, woke media brainwashing. Just pick a side. Like, here's the problem. The problem is that they do pick a side and it's one side or the other. Back in the day, it used the day, you could do both. You could do both.

I think most of us are both. Most of us have liberal views and we have a Republican conservative views. We're in the middle and what happens when it's kind of become religion. So if someone goes over here, they're over there, no matter what. If someone's over there, it's like, fuck you. And most of us live in the middle. So I mean, it's like AA, when I first got an A and they were like, get a believe in God,

I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm Irish Catholic, recovering, you know? So I had to find, I could have been like, go fuck yourself, you're a fucking piece of shit. You know, you guys are, I had to find my God. I had to find my power. I understand what you're trying to say. So, you know, what the point is,

and then eliminate all the other stuff and say is there's something here. And there is, the greatest thing about comics is we don't care about, like someone asked me one time, is it hard not to me to say, you know, what you want to say? I'm like, oh, no, that's for actors. Yeah.

Because actors want to be famous. Right. Comics want to be funny. Yeah. We don't care about, we never care about fame. There are some that do, right? I think that, yeah, there's those where they want fame.

They want fame. And when you want fame, you have to sacrifice funny sometimes. Right. Because you can't, you have to, it's like a corporate kick. When a company hires you, and they're going to sacrifice funny sometimes because you can't, you have to make, it's like a corporate kick. When a company hires you, and they're going to give you 20 grand to do it, you do what they want you to do.

Well, you say no. Yeah. So you can't say this. You can't say that. And you're like, okay, yep, yep, making notes because I want that fucking. I'm a whore. Don't give me wrong. I'm a fucking whore.

Yeah. Yeah. But when I do my show, it's like go go fuck yourself. I'm gonna say whatever I want. That's the thing when people are like, oh, you can't say what you want anymore. You could always say what you want to say. Yeah, the freedom of speech is in freedom of consequence. Yeah. And I sort of grew up with the 2016 election. That was the first time I could vote. Right. I was 19, I think. And at the top of it, I was on a side. And then as you get older, you're just realized that it's all just bullshit and spin and you find,

everyone has their extremes, everyone has their biases, like you said, but for the most part, during that election and the time after that, I do a bunch of political material, but it's not political, you know, like during that Tucker Carl, or that clip of that woman yelling at me, I was about to do a bit where I'm like,

I'm the most pro anti-Trump comic out there, where I talk about how he's a great public speaker and how he's wrong all the time and just doubles down on words he's wrong with. And I think that's great. I had more Trump supporters come up to me during that time period where I was doing that material saying, thank you for not making us feel stupid, which meant a lot to me because everybody comes to comedy shows especially Republicans. Yeah, they have the money. Yeah, you just got back from Tampa.

I just got back from love Tampa. Yeah, love it down there. Yeah, and and things are kind of on one side two different areas. Yeah, yeah, right. Got this hoodie on the safety. Yeah. I know exactly the glory. All you got it.

It was a mangrove bush, but I read on the water on the bridge coming over. I did that. They. You got it. It was a mangrove bush, but it went on the water. And the bridge got over. They love you down there, coastal creative. We went to the same spot. That was great. That's why I love Florida. I love Florida because everybody lives down there.

And old people, gay people, and they think it's just a bunch of red necks. It's just a bunch. We got guns and where the fuck in better? It's really a bunch of red necks. It's just a bunch. We got guns and where the fuck in better? It's really not comedy-wise. Look, the people that come to my show are everybody. Everybody from all walks of earth. And that's why I love Tampa because they do have a huge gay community down there. If you go to E-Bore City, it is, I mean, dude, during the day, ebore city is all chubby white people with hats.

Going to lunch, smoking cigars. You go down there past 1030 and dude, it's fucking Haiti. It's gay Haiti. It's nuts. You know what I mean? But it's fun. It's great. Yeah. You go down there and it's like, look, I'm a little too old for it, but yeah, Mike. I did my show After my second show Friday Mike out of number one best friend shout out. What's up, Mike? shout out and Mike would love you and I'm just gonna show next time He's like I'm down. I'm down. I'm down at fucking ebore city. Yeah, me be down here So I ran down there. I got in the car and flew down there, had to find parking.

And as soon as I got down there, he's like, I go, where are you? And he's like, I'm at the club next to the hotel. So I just walk into the club next to the hotel. And I'm looking for a big fat Italian guy from Staten Island, and it's just gorgeous Spanish men, which shirts off. He right.

I walk, it's a gay club. So I just walked into a gay club, and I'm just standing there, cracking a hand. Yeah, and look, I lost weight, but not that weight. They're looking at me like, is this guy own the place? Like, like, I can see that. I'm the dad from Birdgate. Right?

So, so, so I'm like, I'm like, this is the real one place. And I don't wanna, I got, like, I don't wanna run out of here. Like, I don't wanna run out of here. I slowly walked out. And I was so bummed, not one fucking person. No one hit on you. Not one a glance. Not even a, what was the point of losing the weight?

I mean, tell me about it. So then I walked out, then you have to walk up the street, right? I'm walking up the street and it's packed. I mean, it's fucking packed. This Friday night, it's all chicks in the tits are out and there's guys, there's gay guys, there's trans, there's the black dudes. Just shredded, it looks like, you know,

the offensive line of every football team is just gorgeous black man with shirts you can't buy and the transgender women that they have sex with hopefully Lucky Devils and It's just packed with you know everybody and you know this then you get the red neck dudes and the guys with the hats It's still out trying to find their wives trying to you know walk through so I sat in front of this bar, smoking a cigar, and it was like, wow,

this is not my scene, because I'm too old right now. For that, but this is fucking great. It is great. Everybody's on the street. Nobody, I mean, it's, of course stuff happens, but there's no bullshit. Everybody's kind of co-existing together. To go have a party, have fun, suck some dick,

fuck each other, get some pizza and call it a night. And it's not the stereotype of Florida that people think it is, like you think Florida man, meth head, even someone's face on. Well, close to creative, I mean, that whole place. It's great to work there. It's great to work there. I mean, like everybody who's anybody works there. Yeah, yeah. And's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It twenty five. I just started. I don't give numbers. You're going to make because Rich Fawc is going to watch his. He had how many people.

But the second time we did two shows was good. And we got a lot of love. It was good. It was good. That's what's all right. It kind of fucking sucked dick to be honest with him. It was good. It was good. And the people down there were so nice, man. There's someone brought me. These guys came to the show twice. These three dudes. They came and brought me because I brought my podcast co-host with me. The first night they came, drove two hours there, second night they came, two hours there again, and they brought us cowboy hats.

This one woman showed up dressed up as cat woman. She was like whispering to my open, and she was like, tell Troy, like, I'm ready. Ready for what? That's what I was saying. It's a fight crime. I don't know, she's showing. I'm doing it. To drink milk out of a bowl, I don't know.

Like she had a whip in everything. You should have brought her back to New York when you guys did a fuck crime. You could have found the guy that hit you with a crack. It would have been your first case. It was Tucker. You could put on your crime. You could put on your Joker. Get your karate outfit on.

I would have been the second to last dragon and she could have been black cat. It was great. We had a, and someone brought have been black cat. Yeah, it was great. We had a, and someone brought me a black panther, necklace, and they gave it to me. I'd listen, I gotta bring this up. It was nice. I gotta talk to all black people out there. Let's talk to them.

They all listen to this show. That's listening right now. I don't know, brother. If you guys put your guys name. Troy. Troy. So you're Troy Jr. And your mom's name?

Troy. No. Troy. Troy. Yeah. Okay. So you're Troy Jr. and your mom's name Troy. I Would have to ask you to leave if that was real. If your mom was not sure you all name Troy. I would be good. Everyone's name Troy. Yeah, He's your an alien. You guys you malfunctioned. What's your name Troy? We all name Troy. Oh Black and white and no karate and try. Oh, black and white and no karate and the liberal. If he commits a crime, the cop won't be able to find him. He's a mixed kid who knows Roddy and he loves Bernie Sanders.

That's why you get hit by a car. The only thing you have with your echo skeleton got fucked up a little bit. I think it was fine. Jesus Christ. My mom's name's Michelle. It's okay. It's okay. But what I was going to say, I want to say this to Black people.

And I want, and I hope you dad is listening. Him and Reverend Sharpton. I hope you guys are all listening. Wakanda is not real. It's not a place. There is no vibranium. And it's not a language. Stop using it. And a language stop using it and this

Doesn't mean it Last night on the Oscars. Yeah, they got listen. They got to move on the king. He's an actor. He's in SAG I looked his name up. He's literally in SAG. Yeah Okay, you got the memorial last year, okay? Yeah, I said. I love him, great actor. Okay, but he's not Sidney Po die. All right? He's not even, he's not even in Denzel.

He did a Marvel movie about, okay? Okay, you gotta stop going Wakanda forever. I don't know what that means. You know, Denzel paid for his acting school. I think that's what gave him a lot of trouble. He was a great actor, man. He didn't really get a chance to... But the Wakanda things, we got to...

Even he was sick of it, if you watch him, like when he was falling asleep. That's what gave him cancer. If Abraham was real, he would have lived. Let's take a sip. Even in the movie they were trying to give him If vibranium was real, he would have lived. Let's take a sip. Even in the movie they were trying to give him, if vibranium was real and they couldn't save him,

they had his anti-vaxistor trying to come up with a vaccine to save him and then he died. That's what happened to his second movie. She's the smartest person in the Marvel Universe and she was anti-vax. So that's got to tell you something. what the hell is in that vaccine, boy. They don't, yeah, it's rough. Yeah, Shari, she fumbled the bag.

But she, Angela Bacica, yeah, they like almost shut down production. Like she didn't want to take the vaccine. You know, here's the thing though. I mean, God bless her. That's a hard one to stand up to. That's a, yeah, that's one of the big back fumbles of that year. You had her, but she ended up finishing the project, whatever. And then that woman who was in Mandalorian, that ultimate fighter, Gina Carano.

She got fired for, she posted like a Holocaust thing or something. I forgot what it was. Here's a problem when, when it's Disney. Here's a problem. Yeah, exactly. When you're on, if I got Disney, Disney. Disney. I just said wrong. People have been telling me I said wrong for years

and I always told them to go fuck themselves. And I think you're here. I just heard it. I just, I just, I love phone calls to make out to this podcast. Listen mom, I'm sorry. Yeah, I know it is. I was from Boston too. Her name is Troy. That's why I thought it was weird. ¡Los son mam... sorry! Ya, yo... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte el 3 por uno en medianas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line.

¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno. ¡Dominoos! ¡Pizza! Disney, ¿isla Disney? Disney, no Disney. Disney, ¿dios? D-I-S, ¿no?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You were born in original, don't die, Kyle. That's what they, that's like a Facebook thing to get tattooed on your lower back. Thanks, man. Yeah, I like it. That's why you're Robert Kelly, man.

Disney. Disney. I'm Robert. Calali. Go to Disney. Um, how's his name? Disney, uh, there, uh, Gina,

Carano, you're like, yeah, here's a, here's a, yeah, this man, stay off Twitter.ano, you're like, yeah. Yeah, here's a, here's a, yeah, yeah, this man. Stay off Twitter. Yeah. Stay off Twitter. Don't you listen, you don't need to tell people what's what. That's the best. You just don't.

Your job is to do a movie and to tame them. You know, it's why like Tom Cruise, he's in Scientology, he's doing it. Yeah. And what fucked him up? When we found out what he was doing, when we saw his footage shaking hands to it. Yeah. And what fucked him up when we found out what he was doing? When we saw his footage shaking hands to aggressively, with that fucking the leader of it.

Yeah, and they were just trying to clear, just going, they were getting the fattings out of the body. Yeah, I'm weird. I have such an obsession with Scientology too. I watch Tom Cruise go off a ramp at 60 something years old and do that stuff all by himself. And I'm like, I don't know if it's the closet at homosexuality or what, but something in Scientology works.

Like I watched Tom Cruise and I'm like, that's the greatest action star there ever was probably. And I know he believes that shit. But now it's kind of like, they're losing a lot of members. And yeah, you know why? Because of that. This we know what they do. Yeah. Yeah.

They should have stayed out of the news. But like guys like Tom Cruise and Travolta, they can't ever leave. Now, the Scientology has way too much shit on them. They are never going to leave. They confess to all of their, their gay thoughts to. Yeah, they did, yeah, they really got, and they can't get, yeah, they know they got some type of secret gay room. Yeah. As borders's very onate has like beautiful molding with dragons down and just a bunch of dudes butts and the bad that your head goes in and they can't see your face and you're you just present. It's called the it's called and then above it says really going clear. I can just picture them walking Tom Cruise

in this garbage walking with their hands behind their back, just inspecting. Mm-hmm. Now, was there any way I could get my head lower? Because they, but I still want to breathe. Like, can we put a TV down where my head is so I can edit while I get fucked? Yeah, man. I got a lot of practice to do. I'm seven days a week.

I don't get any vacation. So I need to edit while I'm getting fucked. I need to edit Mission Impossible 75 while I'm getting fucked. That's coming out soon too. Did you see Top Gun? I didn't see it. We're getting totally demonetized for saying that. Oh, yeah, sorry.

You can get outside, TileJud. I love, I love him. We love him. I feel clearer. I have to get clear. There's a lot of hate in me. That's my problem. Yeah, I just need to hold this a little bit.

You hold that one and I just, all right, I feel less and less like I want to look at dudes. But I feel good. I feel more. You always wanted to me. You just pass it over. No, but you, you, how old are you again? 27. 27.

You're a young buck. You're in the game. Things just starting to happen for you right now. Yeah. You're a lot bigger than I thought you were going to be. How tall are you? Six, four. Yeah, dude, you're fucking big. Big, yeah.

Dude, I thought you were small. I was very, I, I, you know, watch, I feel like I feel like Jared from Subway. I watch a video. I'm not grooming you for a while. I'm glad you're here. It was weird. But I'm talking about eating and having. You're going to get out of these pants and into yours.

No, but I lost all this weight eating ass and turkey sandwich. It tastes pretty much the same if you get it from somewhere. What have that worked? It did for him. I want you're a big guy. You know, karate, you are a wrestler. I used to and probably not as sharp as I am anymore. My brother's the ultimate fighter.

Wait a minute. Let's stop. You did wrestling too, right? Mostly martial arts. But you can fuck somebody up. If I had to, you could. Yeah. If I had to defend myself for someone, you don't. No.

You've never got no fight? I have. You have. Was it bad for them? One time I got jumped after a show up in Midtown. Yeah, these group of kids were just drunk from New Orleans and they just would not shut up during the show. And then I told all these jokes about New Orleans and they got upset. And then after the show, the manager of the club was like go downstairs because he knew I was like ready to fight him if I wanted to. Yeah. And then I was

watching on camera. I saw the kids one of them punch the manager that I went upstairs with the bar back. And like the bar backs like this four foot tall Hispanic dude. And he looks like the Boston Celtics logo like back and up. And then I'm behind him like, what's up guys? Like someone throw a punch at me. We got into it. These kids were drunk.

And I was, I wasn't really throwing any punches as much as I was just doing a keto, which is just sort of moving and Steven Segal. Steve is the same move in every every move. Yeah, because he weighs 900 pounds. Yeah, and his wig will fall off I think the rock is on the path to becoming a Steven Segal like dude with the real he makes Yeah, if you look at like the last five movies derock did you wouldn't be able to tell that they were different movies If you look at his outfit and his rock face but I love Guys great his uncle Jimmy. I love nooka. He used to babysit me when I was a kid. I know Jimmy's yeah I know Jimmy's nooka too. I have a signed action figure from him my dad in him wrestled all the time Well, your dad's a professional wrestler. He was a pro amateur wrestler. He was a black dragon Troy Bond

That was my dad's name back in the 2000s. Yeah, actually, you're from Mass, right? We did a lot of gigs in New Bedford. Yes. A shitload of time I spent New Bedford growing up. Refear. Yeah, all throughout New England. That's where my dad was working. Rhode Island can educate New England.

He's been shabbled with him. All the time. That's where we were listening to comedy albums. It's like two hours at a time. And he had the balls when I was 16, 17, and be like, what makes you think you want to start traveling and doing stand up? I'm like, I don't know because you put that in my brain.

Right. When I was four, I mean, I was backstage watching all these guys like do blow or shoot up steroids. And they know they all knew me. My dad was a big dude. My dad's my size black and 250, 300 pounds of like muscle. He just ratted everybody out. You fucking little rat. He's right.

I'm the first one to tell everyone rest his are doing drugs. But yeah, that was backstage. You all suck each other off. It was probably going on too. No. Yeah, that's my dad right there. That's him in the right.

Is that your brother? That was my brother Logan and that's my brother Jack from from about maybe 10 years ago. My brother Logan now, he's a MMA fighter. Wow. Just had his first knockout last week. He got knocked out.

And that's my brother Jack right there. He's about 19 now. Your brother got knocked out? He got knocked out for the first time. Yeah. I was like, are you okay? He was like, yeah, I was trying to do the same thing to the other guy.

And I was like, all right, that's fair. And then like I called them. And he's like, there's way more injuries in basketball than then MMA. I'm not going to stop fighting. I'm not going to get you to stop fighting, dude. Like I can't tell them not to. Yeah.

But yeah, that was them. Wow. A few years back. That's unbelievable. That's at the main organization back. So Jimmy snook a baby sat you? Would baby sit me while my dad was on the, was in the right, so you be a backstage. I was backstage and Jimmy's just not there, you know.

I can't tell you a story about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you be a backstage and he's I was backstage and Jimmy's just not there, you know. Can I tell you a story about you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I in revere right at the movie theater, the multiplexion, huge one to like 20 theaters and then the big part, my mother's big parking would have. And they had a flea market and I'm in the flea market with my little brother and all of a sudden

I see Jimmy Superfly Snooker in his outfit. Is the orange and black. No, the leopard. Lepard, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. With the leopard, right band-in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the hair and everything.

It's later in his career, he's done. And I walked up and I was like, hey, Mr. Snooker, how you doing, big fan? He's a guy, brother. Thanks, brother. All right, brother, thank you, brother. All right, thank you, brother. I go, can you please sign this for me?

Yeah. He takes a picture for $10, and I took it, and I pull it right, and then I got a sign. The cue sign, he goes, you want me to sign a tube, brother. And I go, sign a tube, Bobby, from Snookie. He goes, all right, brother. How do you spell Bobby? And I went, uh, thoughts, names.

B. Oh, B. Two Bs. Two, one more Two Bs. Two, one more, one more. Why? Why? No, that's a W.

Why? Just make it a Y. That's fine. Yeah, dude. He's the guy. He's the guy. He's the guy. That's what it's like.

I don't see any benefit to be in a wrestler long term. And that's why those guys get out of it so quickly. Well, I think now is different, man. I think these guys do get stay in it. But I think now they're part of it. They get paid a lot of money. I think back then they didn't get, I don't know. But I think now these guys in the WWE are making a shit load. And they don't wrestle every night. That's true. They used to do every night on tour. They were road comics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was a club comic. Right. And they would have the every once in a while, the big main events. And then, but now, dude, these guys are getting merch deals.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they don't like the big guys only wrestle once a week or twice a month. And they do events. They don't they don't they don't do everyone. The goal. I mean, like, I think I just made all that up to I sounded good. Nobody's got a fact check me. Well, I know like fucking wrestling nerds. If they were for Vince McMahon, they're probably getting pretty shitty contracts. I know he's kind of a dickhead with that. Oh, is he? He's like a horrible person. And that is wife when I was like, maybe 16. She was with his wife. I did. That's wild. In the ring.

Oh my God. Jumping out from the top of the cage. You said every time. Yeah, she was with Jimmy, the ghost of him. He said in the back, he was like, it is once for me, brother. After you're tickled, you're both the dumb. It's your favorite thing, brother. Brother, get down there.

Tell them to do it out there, brother. Do a super high on your butt. Who am I making this out, dude, brother. Tell them to do it. Tell them to do it. Do it. Do it. Super high on your butt. My making this out, dude, brother. Tell them to stick the coconut. Hit your coconut in the head like, like, pop it into me, brother. Ha, ha, ha.

But I mean, like, you want to get out of that, right? Like, you want to get out of, putting your body through that so you could do, so you can act or like do, like, John Cena. And one of them was like an anchor for a while, right? Or was on the today show didn't John John Cena do the today show for a minute? Like that's way. What?

Yeah, I think he was like a co-anchor for the today show for a minute. Like on the five person panel when he's grown his hair out. I don't know. I could be making that up. When he grew his hair out. Yeah, his hair was long for a minute. Literally. 20%.

That's not true. I'm probably making it up. Okay. I did. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

You're a karate kid, too. I did karate. So my head is probably all screwed up, too. Can I be honest with you about karate? Tell me something. I tried. How did you turn this into your show? Tell me something.

Tell me what you know about karate. You can be less than a karate school, too. What's up? Tell me something. I took karate. Yeah. What kind did you take? Taekwondo. What's up? I'm telling you. I took karate. Yeah. What kind did you take? Taekwondo? Hang on now. I'm going to get there. Okay. Sorry. It's exciting.

I think I'll die in Soirion. You might be. Well, kind you take because that's not a good kind. My father showling Wang Gong. Whatever the fuck it was. I think it's all pointless. You can't block a bullet. All right. Don't fucking ruin everything. The fuck? Hey, you can't. Someone bullet. All right, don't fucking ruin everything. What the fuck? There you go. Someone can just shoot you.

I know shit. Yeah, dude, when Lays just come out, it's over. I don't know if I can stand what you're doing. I tell my karate story, please. Yeah, sorry. Right, junior. All right, listen, dude. I joined, sorry, right junior. All right, listen, dude. I joined the karate Ed Parker karate the one the Elvis knew right what was that called?

I'm not sure but it's probably stolen from black people Everything's going from back to back black people. Everything's gone from back to go. That was said to be both. It was black. Dude, every, you fight with yourself every day. I sing Elvis and I'm like, no, I got to turn herself, put on some DMX, born one, two, three, four. He took that movie from my uncle.

Listen, listen, bro, it was, it was Ed, my whole thing's wet. From the coffee still? No, it is. It was Ed Parker's, bro, it was Ed Park, my whole thing's wet. From the coffee still? No, it is. It was Ed Parker's karate. Can somebody help me? Ed Park, because that's what he was on stage doing toward the end, right? When he's doing all the kicks with the boots and his ass is hanging on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good thing. Yeah, yeah. What? Campo? Campo. Campo. Campo karate. Campo karate. Yeah. Is that a bad one? I don't really know it. Oh, but if Elvis is doing it, it must be practical.

What? You know, he, they always said, and good thing Elvis and Bruce Lee never went up against each other because Bruce Lee would have gone out a different way. Yeah, but Brad Pitt can kick the shit out of Bruce Lee. Yes, he can. I was 100% believe that. Um, and his own kids. Wow.

I mean, whoa. He didn't hit it. I'd never get into Hollywood. I don't know. That's, it was like from 10 years ago, I think I read something about that. Whoa. Yeah, but they weren't his kids.

Yeah, I mean, he never hit his kids. The blonde ones never got a hit. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Brad. I'd love to do a movie with you. I was thinking me, you guy Richie again. I know, I don't want to ruin that, I'm sorry. Ah, fuck him. I'm never doing anything.

This is it. You have a shot. That's what you want. I think I just ruined it. I'm sitting on everyone. No, no, no, no. Yeah, I took it. I took it. I remember I went in. Yeah, the hardest part about a martial art is you want them to give you Hope you want them to go. I see something in you right. Yeah, yeah, you want them to be like hey You like

Yeah, you know, I mean like to be a DJ Max and catch something that fall. Hey, you have, you have abilities. Just fog on the floor and the music playing. Yeah, he'll throw something on. I'll say you're like, you come with me. He's here today. And you're a rock. Nothing on it, but you go on the sun.

There's a message to you have 230 directions. I know that was coming. So I remember I went to, I went to go meet this guy. It was in the basement at a strip ball. And of course, and I went to go meet him and I went to the donut shop before. And all of a sudden this dude comes up and he got like two donuts and a coffee, cream,

pretty sugars. And he just like, hey, these donuts, am I one of fat fuckers? And I go downstairs, it's him. He's the guy. There's no fat Italian guy. I just say two donuts and pretty much a cake coffee. I'm like, oh boy.

So I go downstairs and he just got me to join. He like, and he's hands me the key. And he's like, here's cake. Because you're no more dons on, right? These are for me. But I mind joining and I'm doing all the shit and I'm running around and then on my toes, I'm on the, like, on the shit.

And then we do the moves and we learn a karate. And I remember like a weekend I broke my toe and I'm lying there screaming because he walks over and he was, you know, he was an Italian from whoever was like, you're awesome. He's like, hey, you want me to call you a tow truck? And I'm like, ugh. Oh my God.

No, give me your wrench. I hate you there right now. I know you're not gonna block it, you tub of shit. Right? So then we'll go in there. Then these two kids, guy, like you, very similar to you. Like you build your you know You get that Superman look to you right?

Good looking guy and both them brothers, right and one of them was in my art class We took art. We were gonna arts yeah Yeah, yeah, and he was in my painting my my acrylics class Just a fucking you know Superman his long hair, kind of more artist. Sam exact guy except two different personalities. And I remember one day we were in there and they just fucking beat the tar out of me. You know what I mean? They just, one of those beatings.

Yeah, like I hit him in the gut with a kick and it was a point. Yeah. And it was like, well, okay. Do you have any gear? Yeah, we had the little pads. The boots and the gloves. The boots and the gloves. And then he just spun kick me in the head.

And I was, yeah. And then, so anyways, I brought my, I want to bring in my girl there. Right? We were both in shape, but there was an all you can eat buffet across the street. And one night we just stopped. You know, and we ate before going in.

Before. Yeah. And we ate too much, and we're like, I will go, we'll go tomorrow. And then I was setting, you know, that took a lot. And then I showed up one night, I had sauce on my ghee. Mm-hmm. I got fucking sauce. You were eating in the ghee?

Dude, I had to quit because I split my ghee. I got too fat for my ghee pants. And I remember I went down to do the split, and it just rips. Shhh. He went, I've never seen that before. Oh, no. And that was a fat Tony that could mic instructor.

Oh, yeah. Right, the balls on him. You know, that's even worse than being like, that's really embarrassing. You shouldn't go in my 30 years, I've never seen that before. Yeah, I mean, and then I got into boxing after that, like years after I got into shape again,

I got into boxing. And this guy was teaching teaching me boxing but never would let me spa right? He would never let me spa and then I got kind of mad like six months of just hitting a bag and doing stupid, you know, shadow boxing right and one day I was like What are we gonna fun? What can I get in with somebody and like you got mad is you want to do it? He's that you know, I keep you keep asking and I keep telling you not ready But you want and he brought gloves and he brought me to a school yard Like at four o'clock in the afternoon

There's a fight. I'm like, I don't want to fight you It was 110 out All the school kids were circling around you fight fight Just kick the shit out of me in a school yard It's fucking terrible. I was sober like that. Like he wasn't. Yeah, no, we went to meetings together.

That's right, met him. Fuck, I stopped going to the meeting. It was like, it was terrible. Why did he do that? I don't know. He wanted to teach me a lesson. And I get it. I was like, dude, I want to teach you a lesson

on how not to be a good friend. Like you're not a good person. I just like he taught you that. You could have just said, no, I don't want to do that. What is the point of that? There's a real, he's got, he should be going to anger management meetings. I don't know how to do it. It hurt.

He let me hit him a couple of times too. That's the scary part. And I felt good. And he went like this, goes, goes, goes, goes. It was a jab jab and then a right. Oh, like a jab. Yeah. Yeah. And we had a gear on.

Right. And then he went, funk with a right cross to my fucking forehead. Oh. And I, and I just, I, that's TV static. I couldn't see. Yeah, dude. Shoot, I went, I swear to God, the nose I went, I went, hey, I was just like, I know exactly what are you talking about.

Oh my God, dude. That's how my dad, I think the reason why I never really got into trouble growing up, Chris Rock had a bit about where he was like, you know, I don't smoke to this day, not because I'm afraid of cancer, because I'm afraid my dad's gonna come and slap the shit out of me at 15 years old. And like whenever we got into trouble,

when I was growing up, my dad would bring us in the ring. I mean, like my dad was heavy handed outside of karate, but like when he fought us in karate, there was like a whole other situation. You just politically corrects, say he hit you. Yeah, I mean, we're tight now. I don't want it to sound like Michael Jackson. He was like, Joseph hit me all the time.

I was so afraid I still regret it. He's got your dad heavy handed. He was heavy handed My dad back in the little heavy Now dude, that's where it started Diane. It's a it's a different time. Yeah, I tell myself on that all time I don't hit my kid. Yeah, but I I wish I could right I think parents don't hit their kids the right way And I'm not talking like, leaving marks. I'm talking like, it's not a good idea to hit your kids to make your kids afraid of you.

Right. Because then you're just teaching kids how to live in fear of an authority figure. Sure. Now there are times where like, I see kids in the store throwing, you know, bad ass kids. Those are kids where like, I think a slap, you know, in the face real quick at a young age,

teaches them the stove is hot, don't touch the burner. Well, yeah, I think a slap in the face real quick at a young age. Teachers then the stove is hot. Don't touch the burner. Well, yeah, there's a fine line. Now that I have a kid and I don't hit him, you know, my therapist always says, give me consequence and do it without anger. I'm like, what world do you live in? What do you fucking come from? Right.

Where I'm supposed to go, okay, Max, give me your iPad. You know, you just, you just pushed a kid down to fly to space. I'm going to take away your, you lost your iPhone, you lost TikTok, and you lost your iPad for an hour and a half because that kid lost all feeling and is like, yeah, because that kid has to use an iPad to drive his scooter down.

Ha! Yeah, yeah. I don't, you know, there is, Yes, because that kid has to use an iPad to drive a scooter down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, you know, there is, and Max is still going to be pissed at you, taking away all the shits. Fuck you, Dad. Yeah, no, I think the consequence thing is important. Yeah.

But kids now, I think, know that you don't have any power. Like, back in the day, when I would be afraid of my dad getting a call and having to come pick me up from school. Now kids are like, I don't care, call my dad. See what he's gonna do to you. And dad gets on the phone. He's like, well, I don't know what to do with him. You're a problem.

See what he gets home. The problem is that a lot of dads and moms let their kids just do whatever the fuck they want. Because they weren't allowed to do whatever the fuck they wanted. And they're still rebelling through their living their lives through their children. You can't live your life through your children. You know, I'm firm with my kid. Last night he wanted to sleep in the bed with me.

You know, like every once in a while I'm sleeping. We have a huge king bed and I say, no, I wanna sleep tonight. He was like, Dad, come on, and he got all mad. And look, it kills me, because I love when my kid sleeps in my, my kids are size of you now, fucking great kid, they'll wake up as fucking, he has he threw his leg over my body one night and then pulled me into him.

And I was like, I'm not your bitch. I literally got up, I go, I go wake up, he's like, what? I'm not your bitch. He's like, what? My wife's like, what are you saying? He's not, I'm not his bitch. I'm nobody's bitch. Nobody does, nobody, nobody calf grabs me

and pulls me in. Fucking, it freaked me out, dude. He pulled the Elvis Parker one. Yeah, dude, it was fucking nuts. Yeah, he fucking, you know been a body triangle on me. Just be sure you like waking up and like holding up to the mattress as he's pulling you when you're just tracking. Dude, he literally threw his leg over me and then pulled me and I slid into his like he had enough strength in his leg.

Like a cobra. Oh my God. So he went to tour. He went to, he left, you know. Yeah. Well a lot of people say, okay, all right, they have to go to, let him be sad. Let him go through disappointment. Right. Come out the other side. He came in this morning. I was sleeping.

I love you dad. I love you too. Have a great day. Because I'm trying to teach him positivity. Yeah. Because I'm, I can be negative. I'm trying to teach him the shit. I'm trying to learn. Right. At, Cause I'm, I can be negative. I'm trying to teach him the shit. I'm trying to learn.

Right. At 52, I look fucking amazing. You do. You say me just my dad. All right, dude, relax. No, you look great. So hi dad, what's your dad's name? Oh yeah, Troy.

Troy, main Troy. Haha. What's up to your mom, too? What's up, Troy? What's up, Troy? What's up, Troy? What's up, Troy? What's up, Troy? What's up, Troy? What's up, Troy? What's up, Troy? What's up, Troy? What's up to your mom too? What's up Troy? What up Troy? What's up Troy? I think after her. Um, but I'm trying to, I'm trying to, you know,

I, I'm trying to put positivity in his life. Do you think it makes it easier for you to teach him those things as you're learning them? Yeah. Because when you're learning them, you're practicing them. Sure. And you can just, yeah, that's an important thing too. I think it's important to teach a kid positivity

because I didn't really learn it growing up. Like I'm prone to depression. My parents have depression. It's very easy for not that I give up, but you immediately just fold into yourself. And I'm now at the age where I'm trying to learn the positive stuff. And I think that's gonna,

because how old is your son? He's nine, nine and a half. Wow, yeah. That's a really important age to learn this stuff. I think so. They did, I watched this, you know, I mean positive words have an effect. Yes.

They have an effect on everything. And when you're not using, when you're using negative words all the time, I really believe it attracts negativity to you. Yeah, they say that, right? That's what they, what you put out there. Is a thing, and I don't know if it's true, but they had like two things of white rice,

and one they wrote love on, the other one they wrote hate. And every day they'd go up to the love one and say really positive things to the rice. Who? Let. That's the first question I have here. These fucking mental patients. With a lot of time on their hands.

I don't have time to do this shit. I think I was like, stop doing fucking hate love. I don't think it was the homeless. I don't have time to do this shit. I think I was talking to a fucking hate love friend. I don't think it was the homeless. I don't think they care. They just want the rights. That's it. Yeah, yeah. That's one of these can I take a shit in?

I wasn't Chinese people. It was definitely a chubby white chick who can't have carbs. That's her relationship with the rice. I love you. You go good. You're an asshole. I hate you. You're the best. I wish I could kiss you. You fucking piece of shit. This is hard looking in a mirror. But what he did. So over the over time, they went back and the one with hate on it that was getting negative words said to it five times a twice a day, five words a day or something like that. And the positive one, the love one, that one stayed white. Right. And the one with the hate on it turned moldy and black.

Is that weird? No, I, it sounds like it, I'm trying to think what would make it turn moldy, but I guess hate. I guess negativity. I mean, that's why that's why Mitch McConnell looks the way he does. He's only 25. Did you know that? No, I didn't know that. And that's just to hate that, man, beat him up inside. I learned positive, or I try, I started learning positivity because I used to have a, it doesn't explain Nancy Pelosi's tits. No, no, those are filled with love, though. Or at least I have love for them. You can hate, you can hate a lover, but her moves are dead. I have a ready speaker in the house, the present.

I learned positive that. God damn it. I think she's storing her money in those tits. There's the 2.6 missing from the Pentagon's defense fund. It went right to Nancy Pelosi's tits. Yeah, her husband finder premium. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband.

Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband.

Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband.

Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. Her husband. I'm a second generation Troy. I'm six four. Everything's going great. Yeah, I loved drugs. You're a fucked up kid. Yeah, I started my uncle moved in with us when I was 15. I started doing crack with him. I listen, brother. I should not listen. Listen, brother. Your uncle is dead. I mean, where are you? Wait a bury the lead. Where do we go from now?

Stories over. Why, why? No, that was it. He's, well, I didn't stop when he died. I kept going. I don't know his legacy. When he died, I was the only one that called his dealers to let him know they were all crying.

I think, I don't know if they're crying. I was going to be, all right. Listen, I got you, I got you guys. He got me on it before he died. We're fine. I got the contact. We're gonna get you that Lexus Talk to me for a second. Yeah, he comes to live with you. Right you're 15. Yeah, he's you don't do drugs. No Not yet, and he how how did that happen? I was the first time he tried He gave me a few oxies because he know like I was in pain from cruddy and from my dad and Justin

You know and also I want I was ready to start experimenting with drugs and he was a manipulative dude and he knew like I was in pain from karate and from my dad and just and you know and also I was ready to start experimenting with drugs and he was a manipulative dude and he knew that I I was ready to start doing drugs and then he was like do you want to do blow and I was like I'm afraid of like you know nosebleeds whatever and he was like we can just smoke it there's no side effects and it's better than sex and I hadn't had sex at that, but I'd heard a lot of good things. Good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things.

I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things.

I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things.

I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good things. I was like, good job. It's better than Derry Queenie's. Yes, but the best. I don't believe it. It's I thought I got to try this out. Yeah, try it out. Or you could do blow. This is for me. Or you could do blow. Or you could do blow. It's okay. You might have to use this. This sounds a little some blow. So he's told you it's better than sex, which is a weird sales picture. It was. Yeah. So when you get puke, when you get combing your knocks and it will shoot out you feel this thing right? It's better than that better than that thing, dude The thing you've been doing by yourself since you were 12 You know you sticky dick and the thing of Vaseline and you pump and then you get you get I actually had like a old race car bed

That had a hole in it when I was like 12 that I would sometimes stick my dick and wear and the side door Yeah, I can just lean over and it's right there. I can't make for I would sometimes stick my dick in. On the side. And the side door. Yeah, I can just lean over and it's right there. I can't make, I fucked a sink in rehab. Yeah. With a garbage disposal? No, no, no. Thank gosh.

One of my evil, evil. It's like something has to hurt me. I'm not Johnny Knox, though. Hi, we set this up. Five is gonna fuck a sink with a garbage disposal. Might go off. JackS, you five. I made it to my turn. No, it was a long, you know, in the hotel, they have a long counter. a fox as sink or the garbage disposable might go off jack as five.

I made it to my turn. No, it was a lot. You know, in the hotel, they have a long counter and the sinks in the middle. Right. You can lie on the counter and yeah, put your hand on the thing like this.

So your hands going in the sink right? And then you just pump into the. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I could see that. Yeah. I was 11 when I was doing

that. I told you, hold on. You were doing that. I was 15 in rehab. That's great. You weren't rehabbed 15. I could see that. Yeah. I was 11 when I was doing that. I could go back to that. Hold on, you were doing that. I was 15 in rehab. That's great. You were in rehab at 15? I started drinking, I was 10. Really?

I started using drugs at 10. Really got really good at 13. Yeah. How got you in the drugs and look? You're your uncle. Yeah, your uncle fucking raped me. And I killed drugs. He was like, it was me.

I actually, at 15, when I got sober, I went in my job was to kill your uncle. No, I, uh? Yeah, people that's working that weekend. Yeah, oh, that's like, shit hole. It's one of the worst places in America. It's where I got started smoking crack. So your uncle comes in, he's got a sales pitch. He's got a sales pitch. He goes like this.

He's not like this. That is better than the section. I don't know what that means. You have a twinkie. You know the cream inside. All right, so listen. That's basically how it went down. So he gets you to do you smoke it.

You wrap smoke it. He has it in a pipe. Oh, like kneeling in front of him. Oh, God. He put the pipe. He's sitting at the desk. I'm kneeling in front of him. Wow.

I know. He had one chair. He moved into my room. Did you have to worship him? I basically did if I wanted to get high. Wow. And then we did that. He lived with us. Can I tell you a thing? Yeah. When you tell a story of the future, like if you ever go on another like Rogan or something. Yeah. Drop the kneeling part because it's really uncomfortable. No, 15 year old smoking crack. I'm cool with that.

I don't want to pinch you kneeling in front of this dude. He was also gay too. I should point out. This is getting out of control. If you're going to go down to that, nothing happens. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Nothing's going to lose that feeling. Because if you're not giving me the payoff, then fuck you. I don't want it. We are. I'm not going to blue ball my number one sidequeer. I will never do that too. I thank you very much. So, so, so dude, not a sink. He, He dies when I'm 16. I smoke crack for two more years till I'm 18. Start seriously doing comedy in the city when I'm 17.

When I'm 18, I start doing crack. When I'm like, again, no, I stop. I stop when I'm 18. January my 18th birthday. How did you stop? I just put the pipe. I was watching SNL Drake was hosting SNL doing a cat loans impression And there was just something about it that was I was like I'm never gonna get to do that if I keep getting high

You never get to never be able to do Cat Williams Not even a light isn't gentlemen. I'm Drake Let me hear it. Let me hear it. Let me hear really. Let me hear it save your life Yeah, that was it. That was just that it was sitting there with a pipe It was yeah, you're on your knees Because that's the only way you get smoked. That's the only way I could do it.

Yeah, yeah, it's in my rider. And I stopped and then I graduated high school. You just said, I'm done. I'm done and I stopped smoking crack at a game. Because of cat Williams, not even Cali, an impression of cat Williams. I was like, I want to do that one day, right? I'm not going to do that if I keep getting high.

Can you do the impression? I used to be able to. Let me ask, it's just Jared Waters, really. It's like, let me let ladies and gentlemen as I'm in a high-end Shakwanda, yes sir. You simple bitch. I'm Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Could do whatever a spider can,

but just because I can, don't mean I will do it for you, booboo. Hey, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, made it up, Bobby, and I got to do cat. You did it. That would have never happened. Let's go right now. What's the point of being so I just pulled out a pipe. We're on West Fourth. We could probably just ask. And then I started doing blow with 20 percent off your next order. Yeah. And then I stopped started doing blow when I was like 20, snorting it. You started snorting blow when you were 20 when I was 20. Wow, Jesus. Because there was like a, I was on pills for a couple of years and then the pill guy went to jail and then I met his other drug dude who was like, I don't have pills, but I used

to go down to 27th Street and get my weed where like all the, the, the Haitian dudes hang out. And they gave me this dude just started giving me blow and I started buying it from him and I was like, I could do blow casually. Turns out I couldn't stop in 2019. Then COVID hit. I moved in with these Irish bartender dudes who all did blow casually. Everything shut down.

Started doing it really bad. Like I was trying to die in that period. From like January to August, I was really trying to die. And I was like, if I kill myself, it's gonna hurt my mom's feelings. But if I overdose, that'll somehow be bad. You know what I was doing? You'd be dead.

I would be dead. That's the other thing. It's really hard to do anything after that. Yeah, that's sexy. It's pretty final. That's funny. You're like, how I hurt my mom's feelings? And if we dead.

And then back to how I got into positivity positivity after I got off below this time, I found meditation and Buddhism. TTM. More or less Zen. Yeah. But I love, I go to a lot of transcendental meditation meetings too in my neighborhood. But just learning that I could control my thoughts. Yeah. Like, you know, I have depression. So whatever the chemical imbalance is, sometimes you can't really, you know, when you get into a slump, you don't really know why, but I know I could focus on my breathing. I was talking to Greg Rogel, the other night who was showing me this, this guy who does all these breathing techniques,

Wim Hof, I think the guy's name is, but that's really what I attribute to outlook now is just, is meditation and focusing on what I can control because there's a, in this job, there's a lot of shit you can't control. There's a lot that just pisses, like I lost five grand last month, moving into a new apartment.

I got scammed. I had my lawyer and a private investigator look into it. They called me last week and they were like, you're victim of an elaborate scam. And I was so mad. What was the scam? Found this guy. It was a Craigsler scam. And I was so mad. Oh, it was a scam. Found this guy.

It was a Craigslist scam. And I shouldn't know him better. I was going through a breakup and I needed, I was moving out of my girl's place and I wasn't really sleeping and I was doing a lot of spots and I wasn't thinking and I was desperate for a place and I sent this guy money. And it was all lucked out and worked out.

Had a lease agreement and everything. Was like legit. Even my lawyer was like, you should not be mad at yourself for falling for this. And I was mad forever and then I was just like, you know what, I'm never gonna get that money back. I'm gonna, you let it go. You let it go, I can't hold on to it.

It costs way more to hold on to something than to let it go. You know, like, well, it's funny, people think that they're in control of everything and you're really not, you know, like, you know, they have a saying where I come from, people think that they're in control of everything and you're really not. Right. Like, you know, they have a saying where I come from, you know, you wake up with a day,

I'm gonna go do YKWD, I'm gonna go do the Bond Fire, I'm gonna have a show, I'm gonna go get dinner with a friend, I'm gonna go soke-sogar, and then you go outside and your tires are flat. Yeah. And you're not going anywhere. Do you have to go deal with this? Yeah.

You know, like even today I was coming here. It's hard to do though. I was coming here today and I'm on time. I got here early and I go up 50th and there's an ambulance just parked and a bus in front of me that can't get by. And then a fire truck comes behind me on the end of the street. Yeah. Like four cars down.

I'm just stuck. What can you do? Nothing. Well, you can scream and yell and honk the horn. Yeah, right. And tell them fucking die, hurry up and die, which is what I did. Exactly what I did. Needless to fucking, fucking meditation goes suck my dick.

Yeah. You can build a fuck you out the fuck all the zoo. That's all I'm doing. Yeah, fuck him. I was like, you can die. fuck you out the fuck all the zoo. That's all I can do. Yeah, fuck him. I was like, you can die. You can die up on the hospital. I gotta go. I gotta Troy coming on it.

It's one of my favorite you new young guys. These cock suckers. He's on the fence. Colin Quinn was on the phone with me. Thank you. He goes, I'm gonna stay on here with you. So this is done. So nobody gets hurt.

I was like, thank you so much. You know, but I listened to the last episode. He was So nobody gets hurt. I was like, thank you so much. You know, but I listened to the last episode he was on. I'm over here. It was great. I love you and Colin talk him in. That's just that was one of the guys I grew up watching too. You know, like an update and I loved his last show that he did with Seinfeld.

He's got a new one that's out plugged. Colin. It's a small talk with Colin Quinn. So right now I'm going to go see it. It's out till April. When I first moved to the city, It's a small talk with Colin Quinn. So right now I'm gonna go see it. It's out till April. When I first moved to the city, I was walking through Washington Square Park and I saw him just sitting there on the phone. And I was like awestruck and he looked up at me on the phone and he's just like, yeah, I know.

And look right back down. And I was like, that's perfect. I don't even need to say hi to him. That is the perfect interaction I will ever have with Colin right there. He's the best man He's the fucking best and he's another guy. I got mad at him once. He goes to TM He does meditation. Yeah, and I was like dude. I can't afford to go to the to do the thing get my word Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to get your word right what's it called?

Yeah, that's why I was kind of kept me away from it. Yeah, I couldn't do the thing. Just give me a word He was like, no, I can why I always kind of kept me away from it. Yeah, I couldn't do the thing either. I was like, dude, just give me a word. Yeah. He was like, no, I can't. I'm like, I won't tell anybody. Just give me a couple basic moves and give me a word and I'm good to go so I can save 1500. Right. And he's like, no. Yeah.

But he was doing it, it's like getting a recommendation and so on. Well, you know, give me a word, dude. Come on. You're not supposed to. I guess, but who the fuck cares? Why? Yeah, I don't understand why.

And then I went to my friend who's a, he's a yogi on 13th street. Okay. The yoga academy. Yeah. Um, he lives there. Right. And he's a come by. I'll do a session with you.

We'll do meditation and yoga. We did two hours over there. He had rented out the whole one of the whole rooms. Yeah. And then it was amazing, you know, and then we went up to the floors where they live. Yeah. All the men live on one floor. The women yogis live on the other. Sounds colty. Yeah. Oh, 100%. But it makes sense. I mean, I get it. And I went up and he showed me the actual, the yoga. Yoga came by. The guy looks me and I met him and all that. And he said, yeah, well, the men live up here and the women live downstairs. And he said, yeah, there's one lady downstairs.

She's a fucking hunts. I hate her. I'm like, oh God, you ruined it. You ruined it. Even you. This shit doesn't work. No, yeah. You're a yogi.

You live in a yogi thing. I just met a guy with a beard. Looks like he's been on a shirt in India. And you still have guns in your life. Like hearing Yoda say that. That bitch does not. That's rough. Oh my God.

Take it. After two hours of meditation and yoga, the guys like, yeah, we got a lot of talking clams downstairs for a reason, boys. You don't like them up here. Let me tell you, never a line for a bathroom where the men stay. What the fuck did you just say to me? It's like a doctor coming up from a gynecologist. All right, everything looks good.

We'll see you have to the next appointment. It's the pub with a root neck. It's not gonna spring it out. Popcorn kernels. Let's keep it above. Your father's watching. You probably stopped after five minutes. So how long you been off it?

I've been off since August 22nd, 2020. So this will be three years. That's good, man. Congratulations for that, brother. Appreciate it. That means a lot. I appreciate that. I love when people put that out there too, because there's somebody else out there that,

you know, it's our job to make people laugh. But it's also a job to be a little intimate and reveal shit, especially stuff like that, because there might be another guy out there in that shit that hears you doing it and going, I don't have to do this stuff, you know. I used to always, I don't know if you ever felt this way, but like I would be, I felt kind of ashamed

and wouldn't want to talk about it. Yeah. And then it got to a point, I remember doing like two or three bits about it one night, just kind of, you're in that writing on stage mode and I just went into this sort of zone and it did it went so well And I was like this is what comedy should be you know like think of like prior when he's doing the bit about lighting Himself on fire. Yeah, that's one of the best bits of all time and it's him being vulnerable It's talking about yeah, I used to suck dick for coke. I'm just kidding

No, not you know like that's like, and people, like you said, they'll connect with that. But also it shows a level of humanity that fans love to see. Like that's why people love bloopers are behind the scenes of a movie. Sure. I want to see you be you. That's what's hard for us. It's hard for us because we always want to just do good. Right. And you know, and it's also when you're when everything's going to be out there too. So when you say something, it's like, is that true? It's like, yeah. It's like, yeah.

I know. Well, there's no sense. I used to be like, when I share something on a podcast or a bit, I'd be like, why am I oversharing so much God that felt horrible? But I got more positive response from it, from people being like, I'm glad you told this story. This made me realize this and I found this out about myself and I was also molested.

And I'm like, Jesus Christ. But it's nice. When I was young, welcome to the club. Hell yeah, baby. I remember we were downstairs at the table one night. Me Patrice Keith. I think it was a Norton, the owner of the cell, Manny, and we were all talking about on the left-station story.

Isn't it crazy? He calls it, well, Kelly went to Uncle Festa, get ya. That's what he called it. Kelly's been hit by Uncle Festa's hit Bobby a few times. He snuck in the room, didn't he, Bobby? That's why he had to do some drugs, Bobby. You got to get him out of the bottle. No, I did. No, you're right. That's why I had to do some drugs, Bobby. You got it. I was getting about it. Yeah, I did.

No, you're right. Look, when I got my stomach surgery, people were coming up to me going, man, congratulations. How'd you do it? And you're like, oh shit. Like somebody's being fucking. Somebody's getting, we're in the cell.

I know, yeah. I was like being gay, dude. Like, I was like, I was like, I ain't no carbs, no sugar. You know what I mean? They're like, good for you. You doing any way I'm doing, yeah. Meanwhile, I lost 30 pounds in four days. Like doing yokey.

It got to the point where I was like, look at me. I want to talk about this on stage. I need to tell people this. I still don't have a joke for it. I just now, I'm going on stage going, yeah, I got stomach surgery. And people are just like, what? Like, you know, like I tell people, this is usually the, hey, I lost,

I lost, I was 350 pounds. You know that, wow. Which hurts. It's like, okay. And then, that, that was my response. It's totally shit. I thought, you sure, playing crash, that would be the response.

You know what I mean? If you saw a kid blowing a guy for a poke on his knees, they were relayed like, whoa, I'd be, whoa. It's just like, wow, that's a lot. Those things. I don't know, dude, it was, it's, but now, so many people have emailed me and so many people have actually gotten the surgery, guys. Right.

Alpha male dudes, which it's hard for us, because we gotta do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my group, but there's been a bunch of guys that have gotten the surgery or getting the surgery, which means they're gonna live longer. Exactly, yeah, you know what I mean? Which, you know, quitting the drugs,

right? I mean, you're gonna be around longer. And, you know what I mean? Which, you know, quitting the drugs, I mean, you're gonna be around longer. And people get to enjoy your comedy. Yeah. And you should talk about that shit. It's crazy. And it's harder for you, man. I came up, all my friends didn't do it.

I mean, gained Patrice Billy. Nobody messed with any drugs. Dude, our fucking drug was stand up. That was it. We would just get on stage every night and bust each other's balls and have fun. We try to make each other laugh that's all we did. I was lucky enough not to have any friends that did.

We weren't into that. We would just stand up. Nobody really drank either. I came up with a weird, funny, hilarious, clan of comics. Yeah. The only thing that we really got off on was standup. drank either. I came up with a weird, funny, hilarious clan of comics. Yeah. The only thing that we really got off on was the standup. To stand up. Yeah. That was it. That's why you're asking. I know. Listen. I think someone's getting a fight

with a bulldog. Hang on, what is that? It's the Monday parade. They go by every Monday. They're on their way to go put somebody else in an ambulance, someone else's day. But anyways, yeah. So I commend you on that for talking about that. And now, so you're doing that, you had a podcast, what's your podcast?

I got a podcast called Bonding. I did it for a few years up to COVID, then I stopped. And then I just, like, I have, I know so many comics and I talked to them for so long and what made me start doing it again last year was having conversations with people. And it probably sounds narcissistic, but you're like, man, other people would really enjoy this.

Cause comics you could talk to them about anything cause we're so obsessed about all these different subjects. And comedians are really easy to talk to because what you said earlier, like, they're funny and also like, we're not married to any conviction. Like, we're able to laugh and talk and have opposing views. And I also look at the podcast is like a, like a free mix tape. You can give out to the people that follow you every week instead of burning through material and then they feel like they can keep up with you.

They, like, there's people that come to shows and they're like, they know my co-hosts, they know me, they know stuff we talk about, they've had of sign things that we've talked about on the show. And I enjoyed doing it. Now we do it in a studio downtown. I was doing it at my co-host house, but now we got a nice little place on for Wall Street and X-K. I thought it's how these people were you on. Right exactly, the exact address.

Don't do that. Yeah, a bunch of fucking old brother. Batman out there. Yeah, it's come up. I have an old stalker right now. Yeah. I shouldn't say your name. Yeah, you should.

Fuck is wrong. I almost said it. I could never be in the mob, dude. It's so bad. Like, yeah, hey, you guys want to go out, commit some extortion later. Yeah, it could be a 342 Broadway street. You're right. Everybody.

You're right. Yeah, Jimmy two times. Yeah. Oh, the rest of the list. You're right. I'm out. You're right. You're dad out.

Everyone who's having hands and stuff. Save that for you. Be cool. Yeah. We need to go back. Help you dad hit you tonight. He's going to. Yeah. Every time I go home, he's going to just only.

We didn't talk for like five years. I moved out of the house and he would send me messages being like, change your name. Change your name. He didn't want you to have Troy. Didn't want me to have Troy. And also, like, I wouldn't put Junior on anything. So, like, it was upset.

And he had to put Senior because I wouldn't put Junior. Oh, shit. But now we're boys. Now he and him are tight. So like it was upset. And he had to put senior, because I wouldn't put junior. Oh shit. But now we're boys. Now he and him are tight. We'd save our relationship. How we did. We did. Oh sure, you started smoking weed.

He started smoking weed. Okay. My dad drank a lot and then he stopped drinking in like 2006, 2007. And then he just was angry all the time. And then found weed came home one day and he handed me one of these carts. After us not speaking for years and then we were just passing it back and forth. What's a cart?

Like a little weed cart, like a beach, one of the vapes. Okay, I'm sober. Yeah, one of the vapes. I don't know if I mentioned that. I remember I was sober when I was real young. You haven't done anything since you were 15? I haven't had a drink or a drug at all. Yeah, since I was 15. Wow drink or a drug at all. Yeah.

Since I was 15. Wow. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah, I know. And when you bring up weed, oh well. Yeah. I kind of get a little sad because weed is so intense and amazing right now and fucking

legal. I know. I went and bought my wife gummies. Yeah. And in Times Square. I mean, I'm not. Get it anywhere. Yeah.

And I was like, fuck, like I fucked up. You know what I mean? Cause I'm like, is alcohol my problem? Maybe it was alcohol and pills. Maybe weed wasn't, cause the only time I, when I got high, I was just chilling. Yeah, I mean, I got, I used to get real high. I got so high once, I did rob a pizza store once.

You know what, I should. I'm weed. Yeah. How did you do that? I was trying to get you didn't have money for pizzas. No, my friend Frankie, who's dead now, I just found out my one of my close criminal friends back in the day, Frankie Paul Castro. Yeah. What was my best friend back then? He really looked out for me. Right. And he was my my my you know, my kind of leader, older brother. I know with a lot of crazy guys from Boston.

Very unique people though, you know. So we're all bad, we're all bad kids doing fucked up shit, but we're all good people too. And we just, but they're really, just interesting people, like a guy-richy movie type shit, you know? Like Frankie Paul Castro was my, you know, my Matt Dillon. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Outside, you know.

And we got, I stole, my uncle had a change jar. Look, there was big German cups with change. And I took it all. I did that to my grandfather too. Yeah, I just took it. And my grandma just giving my p-coat. She had my p-coat pockets sewn back in. And I ripped them again.

And I poured all the change in the p-coat. So it was all around the edge of the coat on the bottom. And I remember I walked down to the bus stop to go to the Stealth Method. And I was jingling, trying not to jingle, as I'm walking, but it was 100 years ago. It was like the summer too. So I'm just sweating.

So I'm standing at a bus stop sweating with a pico on my uncle pulls up. Not the uncle, I had five of them. It was the other one. He's like, get in. I'll give you a ride. I'm like, I'm good. He's like, what? Get in the fucking car.

So I had to get in, but I had to grab the change. He sat down, so he just said, shh. So I'm just sitting there, every bump, ching. Oh my god. He's going to catch me. I got a lot of quarters in you, fuck it up. I got to Frankie's house, and we rolled quarters all afternoon. And that's back in the day we had to go to the back. No coin star. Yeah. He's gonna catch me. A lot of quarters in you, Foggin' Up. I got to Frankie's house and we rolled quarters

all afternoon. And that's back in the day we had to go to the back. No coin star. You had to go, yeah, into the back and roll them and make go back to the back. And we got, it was a lot of money. I think it was a hundred bucks. And we went and bought a bag and ounce a weed

or whatever the fuck it was. And we were gonna become drug dealers. Yeah. This was our big moment. We flipped the brick. Flip it. So we bought papers, bed sheets, rolling, and as we're rolling, we'd smoke one.

And then we'd roll, like three. And then we'd smoke another one. So we wound up just unrolling everything. At the end, and rolling two big fat joints. And we went to the park, and we smoked both of them, with like three other people. We just sat in a circle and just smoked these fucking lovers like this, like Cheech and Chongbong.

We got so fucking hot. We went to the pizza place. And we just sat there and we were just laughing. And the lady would come over and she goes, and the girl was in my geography class. Ty and girl, big nose, a love dick. Love big nose, a Ty and girls. And she came over and we just would laugh.

And then Frankie just left. He went into the kitchen. I don't know why. We went to the kitchen. And I'm holding her hands and she's talking to me. And I'm like, I really like you so much. Yeah. I want to go to you every time.

I only go to geography because you're there. You ever have that girl in school where you show up? You go to school because she's there. And when she doesn't come, you like fuck school. With me, it was a girl with a big forehead. Oh, this had the big nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was talking her holding her hand,

and Frankie comes out and he goes, come on, we'll rob in the place. I just talked with the cooks in the back. The cooks in the nun? Well, they're in on the... Well, he beat the kid up. Oh, shit. We could go.

And he said they were gonna tell him, it's two black dudes came in, sorry. No, it happened to us boss. Sorry came in. Sorry. No, it was Boston Sorry to half of you. I The other half is proud That's like that's a good move to a good move So he couldn't open the register and I fucking went up and opened it and

I just hit it by new the body. Yeah, yeah. And then we took the money and left. How much did you get, you remember? There was a hundred bucks. It was like major money back from what you smoked in the park. Yeah, that's a walk. Yeah, it was a... Yeah, dude. But I wound up in jail a week later.

Oh, well, that's a walk. Yeah, that bitch fucking lied on the stand. Oh, my, the Italian girl said I held her down. Are you kidding? Yeah, she said I held her down. And but years later, after I got sober, I saw her at a nightclub. Yeah.

I was in fluorescent green pleated pants with suspenders and a white tank top dancing. And you were sober wearing that? At Zanzibar. Yeah. Yeah, I was sober. I was sober 100%. If you were drunk, you would never wear that shit.

I was like, gay sober kid a year in. So I remember, I look good, right? I feel good. I'm me. I'm me. I love God, super chunks. And then she came up and she apologized for lying. Oh, she did.

They did. The DA made her lie, like pushed her into it. The place was owned by the mob. Oh, the mob, the pizza place? Yeah, they were, you didn't get, oh, they were after. I was going to say, yeah, my friend Jake's father was a boxing promoter. Yeah, they were after. I was gonna say my friend Jake's father was a boxing promoter. Yeah. And he talked to him and got him on a raging bull type of city. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God. Yeah. God. God. That was about to be a nightmare. Yeah.

You probably wouldn't have made it to ever have to get clean. No. I mean, just would have found you in pop pop. They would have just broke my life. It was a hundred bucks. They would have just bought. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot lesson. Yeah, they probably, they were more of upset that you would have disrespected the piece of pop. Yeah, you know, that or whatever, a fuck is like fat daughter.

Now you're going out with Cindy. Cindy, hi, Paul. Yeah, hi, hi. Hey, how you doing, Cindy? How are you? My dad says he has to make me come. Otherwise, you know, they're good in the hospital. Yeah, I'll try, but can you take your CPAP machine off?

Sound a little like Darth Vader over there. That's great. That's a cool story. You could, you know, like Bert Kreischer has his, his machine movie coming out. You could do your movie about the pizza store like that. I think that's great. Yeah, Nicholas Cage could star in it. Yeah, he could play Young You or the pizza guy. Yeah. I could see that. Who would play who would

play young you if you have you me? I would play young. I would go so method for that. Yeah. I would stop smoking weed. Yeah. To play you. Yeah. I just I'm going back down to Saint Pete to grab that hoodie. Yeah. Yeah. Go back that I didn't wear that back that I didn't wear that. Well, the sink thing. That was bought. Yeah. I could do that I didn't wear that. Back that I didn't wear that. That was the sink thing. That was bought, yeah, but that's in rehab. That's in rehab. Oh, you can be come. That's good for the scene.

Oh, so gay when you go to rehab, I had a fucking, I live on low resets. That's perfect. I had a guest jacket that was like, at the upside down, to the upside down triangle with the question mark on it. It was acid was. My dad was so afraid of me being gay when I was growing up.

Yeah. He was so worried. I loved Freddie Mercury. And I remember one time, he's like, yeah, don't go to school telling kids, you're like Freddie Mercury. As if like 10-year-old again, I'm not that Freddie Mercury. He's like, hey, the guy that died AIDS. I mean, I was a big thing on me when I was a kid is that they,

you know, in fifth grade, they would just call me a fag. Yeah. And, you know, once one kid did it, you get, you're getting, like, other kids were like, oh, they didn't want anything to do with me. And then that's when I kind of got into, you know, fighting, which, yeah, because I was terrified all the time. Kids would call me names.

I had no friends. I had my, you know, I had no dad. time. Kids would call me names. I had no friends. I had no dad. I didn't have anybody, anything. So I was alone. And back then, you got to kind of cut parents slack because they were going from very religious father is that work woman stays home to where women and dads were out all the time working.

Yeah. And they were never home and kids were home by themselves. And they were alone a lot. Being alone as a kid is no good. You see a direct correlation between that and school shootings. 110% like kids are left. They grow up alone on the internet while their parents are at work. That's why they go into schools with guns.

They want attention. They want to, and they don't know how to get it. And then finally, they figure, okay, I'll be infamous. And this is how I'm gonna get love. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you're being there. The one thing that I can do, I really do for my kid is I'm there for him. He knows you're always there.

100%. I got your back, even when you fuck up. Even when you do something bad, I still got you. Yeah. You're like, when you went to school and got in trouble for calling a kid something and pushing the kid. And he came home and he's like, I don't wanna get in trouble.

I'm just telling me, I'm like, dude, you're not, you already got in trouble. I'm like, I don't believe in double trouble. Right. I was like, just tell me what you said. It's okay. But I go, honestly, it's more important than me.

Yeah. Here's a guy I call him a motherfucking God dickhead. That was a... You're in trouble. Yeah. What the fuck, you can't say that. You nuts. I thought you were going to call him a jerk or bitch.

You can't say that fucking God dickhead. What'd you learn God can't? When you listen to Louisie, hey? Hey, I listen, man. We're going to wrap this fuck up. Sorry, thank you for having me. Sorry, did I talk you off my bed now all the time? Dude, not at all. Dude, this flew. This meant a lot to me to, to be here. This was a big, this was a big moment for me. When I first moved to the city on top of listening to your pod, one of the things that really

got me, uh, that made me appreciate comedy was Louis show. Yeah. This is it. Come. Sure. And your scenes on it were were all I quote them all the time Like the scene where you're in the bedroom me like how long you think we're gonna be up here? You have the timer. I quote that to people almost every single time I was anywhere. That was one of my favorite episodes You I loved it the dynamic between you you two was great and you you know You I Kevin Brennan I think was like the first like big comic to ever take me on his podcast and you called him once While I was doing it and he was like you're calling me to tell you not to him the birthday roast aren't you and you were like I am calling to tell you I'm not kind of beyond the birthday roast and so you've just always sort of been there in the ether

Right of my career when I saw you followed me it was great. You followed me the same day is Jennifer Coolidge and Ryan long I was like today is a win and this meant a lot to me to be here, man You got it man. I'm glad I want you to come back on too You're really man one of the funniest guys coming up You're interesting you unique you got a great backstory, but you're a fucking silly and always trying to have fun, dude and You know, I'm I'm glad we got to know each other on this episode. And you come back on anytime you want.

I would love to, thanks my brother. And go check out, we can go check you out. Well, here's my dates right here. See me live. I'm at Wise Guys, I'm already there. So this is next week, comedy works in Saratoga. I am at Moonsower Festival. Check this out.

I got some more dates. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, scroll back, scroll back. I'm going to be doing a Ruba. I'm down to doing shows. So if you, from the 28th to the 7th, I'm going to be at a Ruba race. So I don't know why that's not on my website. It should be.

If you and your kids, whatever, book a trip, come down. It's a blast. If you're going to be in a Ruba, make sure you go see me at a R, come down. It's a blast. If you're gonna be in a Ruba, make sure you go see me at a Ruba Ray's comedy. Go to his website, and I'm gonna be doing something in Nashville. Me and Big J have some things happening with the bonfire, and I can't announce it yet,

because it's not finalized, but hopefully it will be. But we're always gonna be done in Moont Tower together, which is awesome, is JFL's, one of their great, they combined with Moont Tower to take it over, it's awesome is JFL's. One of the great they combined with Mood Tower to take it over. It's awesome down in Austin. Uncle Vinnie's New York comedy club brand new club. I'm going to be there May 11th. So make sure you support Cincinnati Columbus. I got a lot of stuff going on. Make sure you check me out every day Monday through Thursday on the bonfire

with Big J. Ocasin. I'm excited about that. And that's about a kill box on luick.com. It is my special that directed and produced by Louis CK that's still kicking butt. Make sure if you haven't got it, go there and get it right now. And really, easy, easy person. Comedy, Jesus Christ is a lot of shit. I mean, let's go to Troy's. Go to Comedy.

What the fuck is it called? Comicwearable.com. Yeah, you do that. Last product. Thank you. That's a category. Slice Robert Kelly. We got the regs thing up there.

Fuck the cheque spot. If you're a Coli Club owner, stop having cheque spots. Seriously. Comics, we need to unite and stick up for each other. Stop having a shit. Anyways, what do we got for you, Troy? Wicked. All my tour dates are on TroyBondLive.com

and all my social media is TroyBond69. I just got my blue check, which means I can't switch the username now, so I'm TroyBond69 forever. Because it's 69. It used to be Troy Hazzie Bola, but people were stupid and thought it was Troy Hazzbola. And I was like, damn, I gotta put it back before I get on the no-fly list.

So now it's just Troid Von 69. I'm 12 years old forever, baby. It's just welcome to rehab. Dude, I love you. I love you, dude. Thank you for having me. I like you. I love you, too, man.

I'm saying I love you. I love you. I love you. I said it first, but I'm glad you said it back. What is this? This is going in the journal tonight. Am I in a technical sense? Yeah. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. set it back. What is it? This is going in the journal tonight. Am I in a technical sense? Yeah. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. This is great. I can't.

This is the best day of my life. You get uncomfortable. I do. After I, I know, I do. I know. This is why I had broke up with my girlfriend. It's like, I have autism, babe. Sorry.

Ah. Brother, I'll talk to you later. I want to thank all you guys. I want to thank, of course, Crazy Eye Max, the producer back there, Mad Max. And we got Joe Russell at Joe Russell. What is it at Joe's Russell? Make sure you check out his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his show, his interstitial with his beautiful wife, who's way too hot for him on YouTube and Max.

What do you got? My social media is Max Marcus comedy on everything. Check him out. Very funny. We have of course, Danny, social, I mean, all these people have autism. So support them because they need help. Because they're not going to make it a regular, unless

Rick Glassman starts another show about autism. And he's, I'm not getting a shot. And I've checked out Danny and check out at Mike Vswarez. I mean, I got a lot of fucking weird dudes out of the show. And of course, you fans, you guys are the best. Thanks for watching. Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave comments down below. Tell us who you want on the show and you guys are the Comenso en la descripción, te voy a verlo en el video y te voy a verlo en el video. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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