Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Twizzlebeard | Rich Vos, Mike Cannon, Mike Feeney, James Mattern

Episode Date: May 8, 2022

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It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original original. I just want to start the show off by saying, I really am excited about the show. We have Mike Feney, we have my friend. Why are you looking at me like this? Did you wear that to the Met Gala last night?

Where what? Where what? Where what? Where what? Just move on. Where what? What you're wearing. When you said it to Keith it was better than this. Where what?

You tried to recycle it. Where's your shirt? I was here. Wow, Phoebe saw the first mention of that. It crossed, yeah. My shirt? That's when it still had to be. You like to shirt oh lookie you got the black skydewel I got the black

you got the black whoa you got the black I got the black I got the fucking watch on my dream motherfucker fuck you it's on my wrist We share let me share look. Oh fuck yeah, baby What a tale of redemption we have the same one Well, beanies is fossil, but it looks the same beautiful fine He's in a sense smash it against the wall and just handed me fucking

He's gonna get in so much against the wall and just handed me fucking It does I'm glad you got this now. Can you apologize for all you put me through for no Skydweller? No Well, cuz I'm gonna get that then I'll get it You won't say your soul get it. You won't get it. I can get it. I can get it So you could have got me this you fuck you You got it for me after first. Well, I can't get it But I can get it. What does that mean? You fucking such a if he cared about you as a friend Can you tell this distinguished looking middle of the shudders mouth? Okay All right, I'm surprised. I'm wearing an ascot with a pipe. I'm sorry

We're in harm. Where's your stand-up base on the rest of your crew? Sorry, we're in harm. Where's your stand up base on the rest of your crew? I didn't get to a stray cats. Oh, James Madden's here. Bobby first time. Oh, look at that time. I'm sorry. It's time, but in a long time. Long time. It looks great, man. I'm good. You got it. See, see the difference between you and I. I'm glad you got you took my G. I didn't take anything. I bought a watch. You can't. I'm glad you got you took my I didn't take anything I bought a watch. You can't I'm glad you bought me a tight set right now. Voss in the last couple of days,

he went to Canada and something happened. He got broke because he came back last night I was talking to him. He was a little fucking country. Today I was talking to him. He's just, I literally was checking up on him today to make sure he's okay because we were supposed to do something this morning and he didn't.

And he's like, what the fuck? You're not my boss. No, no, how he can, this is how Bobby checks up on him today to make sure he's okay because we were supposed to do something this morning and he didn't, and he's like, what the fuck, you're not my boss? No, no, how he can, this is how Bobby checks up on you. Why didn't you answer my texts? What the fuck, how am I boss? I have tone issues, I have, okay, well good, and I have defense issues. Okay, then there you go.

Wow. Great to be, Bobby. Thank you for never hurting either of us. I'm sorry, you're yellow pill god. Sorry, I told you. And we got of course Mike can and snuck in the bathroom. I sure did. It was going to scare. What a hell.

I'm off. Yes, I am. It's beautiful. And I'm glad you got it. It's I'm actually happy I didn't get the one you got. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it. You can see that. I love it. I love it. I'm so it's beautiful I want to thank Mayer's and in Florida and and and and Nick and Abby

God bless you. I can't believe I sold mine for 35 I'm just so proud of both of you that you know pulled yourself up by the boot straps and bought yourselves a $20,000 watch. That's not $20,000, but you're crazy. $15,000. This one's only 10, that was 15, I got two for 25, but still, you got two. I fucking hate you. Like if you two, if you bought a ranch with three bettoms instead of a real house, you could have what you want. No. It's not the first ball.

Look at all the money you're saving. We both, they've been your father's most precious. That's over rich. Oh, it is? Oh yeah, I've been out for several months. Yeah, he's renting now. Yeah, yeah, where in a grandview Between the mountain night, you always tell people the exact it's like a two block radius I don't know what I'm doing. You know exactly where I live just by the town I gave I can dude why don't you buy like even a townhouse instead of

Renting I don't I go to the money store Yeah, we're gonna pick up some money I even had a townhouse instead of renting. I don't like, go to the money store. And I could have got some money. Bobby or I would help. Well, can any of your family levee me alone or something? What's that Jewish thing? That is. I was supposed to say, I went into major debt to get this

just to stick it over. That's, I can't afford to see it on the spot. I'm telling you right now, I'm being honest. I shouldn't have bought this. I put it on a fucking credit card. And I was like, I told my wife I have to fuck Vos back. Because he hurt me so deep when you wore that watch. I will sell this if I need to support myself. I was in Canada this weekend.

I was looking at Rolex places so bad just to buy that one to wear it in here to fucking put the nail in that fucking piano coffin. I can't do that. It's just nice to see to look at the reason why I'm a broken white male comedian in 2022. Well, not in here. I'm as broke as you trust me. No, you're not. That looks you have equity. I've played you got. You have equity. Yeah, now you have. You have equity. I have equity. I have equity. I spent it on this to fucking him. If everything goes wrong, I literally took it.

If this is from an equity, if everything goes wrong, I have a 2012 Honda Civic to sell. But with low mileage. If a 2017 Subaru, a lot of mileage. I have a CRV out front. Bobby, I'll tell you the truth. I'm Passwatches. I want to get a bungalow in Florida.

That's my new thing. That's called retirement. No, it's called a place you want to work in the play golf. That's called past the business. I already lived my market in a business. I can stop now and I'm one of the most successful respected comics at least in this world. Why is he fucking literally a shab he fucking literally because wrestling promo all the fucking

are like, that's what you're at a legacy in this business. You're your mark, you're marking the business as a way spot. Literally you're talking right over his rant. You know, he really just such a good and you was good too.

I'm like a virgin at a Rocky Horror picture show. Here's your guy's stream. Bobby here's the thing why he's ran, because that's my intro I give him. So he's sick of hearing this. Bobby one day he goes, tell him that I used to eat chicken Caesar, but today I had salmon Caesar,

paws, and also been over a hundred television shows. I can't help you. I jump in next to him. Sorry. He broke the goddamn momentum. I'm not gonna jump in next. I'm sorry. He broke the goddamn momentum. I'm kidding. First of all, my guy's fault. First of all, you were my next friend

when I was giving you a ride home, your cock sucker. I love you. Let's give him one tonight. We're all friends here. We just don't like each other when we're not around each other. You, I'm gonna say this right now, you're being a, it's something happened. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, you're not being good. Yeah, what you gonna do a it's something happened No, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm trying to be funny. I'm just, you know what it is. No, I'm so fried from traveling.

Right. And you asked me as a friend, can you come in tonight? And I said yes, because I wanted to say, I knew you had a new, first of all, this is how fucking smart I am. You don't think I knew you had that. You wouldn't have tried to get me in here so hard, because you wanted to show off your,

and I'm so glad you got it. I'm so glad you are. I'm so hard right now. You are. You want us to look at it so we can tell you about it? What? What? Oh, that was awesome. That's my joke. He reuse it, but he is. I don't know. I don't watch your. That's real. Let me see. It looks so good on you, dude. It is. What are you going to do with the green one? The green one. How old are you gonna do with the green one the green one? Oh, how old are you? Oh the Hulk the Hulk? You have multiple watches that are yeah, I've said it's enough some people like some people like cars some people like fucking eating

Like I like eating Stop acting like we weren't there. Yeah fucking longer you. Why don't you say it? You're talking to Bobby about eating what he's gonna say. And you didn't put it after it. Eating it. I'm sorry, that was pretty good. I'm a big fan of it. We're all a big fan of everybody. Stubble apologizing you, lazy fucking.

I'm so happy for you. Yeah, I'm happy too because it relieves my hatred towards you. Oh, done. And I'm not happy for you. Yeah, I'm happy too because it relieves my hatred towards you. Oh, done. And I'm not happy for you. And here's the thing, the fact that I, if I got that one, I would have been very unhappy. Well, it's a nice watch, but that is not, It's not, this is not, this is not,

this is a great, it's not way nice. Oh, it's sheer clear. It's way nice. You could see it clearly. As somebody who knows nothing about watches, can you explain what that is and also the difference from whatever? Because all I see with you know you guys are it's jewelry. It's nice. I'm not a jewelry guy, but I it's just it's a it's a What is it? No, no

It's a citizen actually it's a nice watch. It is very nice. It's probably 600 old. I can't say the last ones in a room with five guys and three of them are wearing watches Like that's crazy to me. I'm a man man. We're watching Brendan bought my co-op. It's fifth grade. What was your watch? Fifth grade you made it to fifth grade Well, I'm still filling out some paperwork Boss always has side combos because he doesn't wear fucking headphones I know he had a look but you don't us talking, so you talk to other people. I'm sorry again. I'm sorry again.

Put your headphones on. You're gonna get them the those kinds of headphones. They don't have on my tap. I brought my own. You want me to get your headphones for the show? Okay. What kind do you want? Good ones.

Oh, I can't say anything. Can Rolex make him some fucking headphones to learn them? I want to look at it. I really love that watch. It looks so good. It looks better in the blue ones. It's way better. So Rolex. It doesn't look good. I really love that watch. It looks so good. It looks better in the blue one. It's so great. So Rolex. It doesn't look okay. I know what that is. Stop. Just take it. Let me have. I said way better. Just let it go.

Don't say it doesn't look way better. You can't, that's the problem with me and you. It can't just stop. You have to say the last thing. Because you got to be a sailor and say, I said it looks good. You're going to be greedy and say, no, you have it better. Who's greedy first when they said it's way better? Who's greedy first? Who, great, I don't think you're married first.

Fucking camper down in Florida. Why don't we just do it? I'll suck you, you suck me. Yeah. I got blown today. I like it. You've been a while. What was his name?

Norton. Bonnie blew me and I said, tell me a story. So there once was an old Jew. There was left in a house by himself. She can't tell it with no problem with you in her mind. All his goods were stolen. His watches, his money. He was left with golf clubs.

Listen, she tells me a story. It's not, I don't think it's real, but when she was in college, the professor had her put the big plant in front of a door. And she bloomed. That's the story. She tells me, I fucking came like a jack rapid. Once I heard about the plant, once I knew the plant was going to the door, my shit got, I didn't need a pill. Wait a minute. Can I stop you? Can we slow down a little bit? Look at back the Rolex. They eat into this. Yes. Wait a minute. The psychological implications, everything. She was in college. Yeah. She smart. She was coerced. We had a couple of ways in choices.

I didn't see she could make a smart. The college and rural Canada. Yeah. True. You're right. You got three TV shows. Come on. Okay. relax. Stop giving us a resume every time we trash her. We get it. You don't talk about my wife like that. We do. We love Bonnie. That's what we do. Someone does.

All right, listen, so she's in college. The professor. Yeah. Tell us what a move of plant. Couldn't you put the plant by the door to open it again? And she couldn't get out. How heavy was the plant?

Yeah. If she was moving, what should it be? Is that ficus? No, it wasn't heavy. It's just enough to block the door. Oh, so that little window. So people couldn't see in. I see.

Well, can't they lock the door and just go in the corner? Why you got to fuck up a fan of saber? You're right. I really am CSI in this in the wrong way. Like the cops. But I have a more important question is why do you think this is fake? Chris, I think I made it up. I would do it.

This is true. I think I made it. You just didn't do that. I think there's a fun thing to say too. I don't know. She told me to went to college. I think there's a fun thing to say too. I like. She told me to went to college. You just filled in the blanks from there. I went to college. Oh, I know exactly what you do.

I like that's the sexual story you think of what she said. I go to college. I'm a fucking plant. The block of door. Well, she told me today I get so hard because I'm impressed. She went to college and I didn't. You just get hard of her blowing a smart guy. Oh, fuck a pill.

Just give me a story, baby. Is that something you're actually interested in like picturing your wife with somebody else? Are you crazy? Why would you say it so that? What are you? Yes, I'm just fucking. Because some people are into that.

Yes, it's a great fun. Maybe you don't admit that in front of a bunch of comics. I thought he'd probably do. Yeah, I want mommy to. What do you think she's going to go with? It's going to be a headliner. If he, Uncle Vinnie. He's just Friday.

And so we did a show at Gotham. I think two weeks ago, just a fundraiser. And she said, oh, this guy tweeted me great show to her. And he was a porn guy. She goes, he wants to see his cock. What is this fucking thing? She saw his cock. She went to his Twitter.

She went to his page on Twitter. And it was fucking like, I got to ask her for the Twitter. She went to its under media. She went to his page on Twitter and it was fucking like, I gotta ask her for the Twitter. Yeah, please. It's fucking amazing. Did you see when Mike asked him the question, do you fantasize about other guys with your wife? The size of his eyes, how fucking big, like rich God.

It would be like if a regular person won that like a mega box. Well, I was even judging. Like, I have no judgment to give. I'm just interested in other people's like, what gets them, what gets them. You can't have her hard. I don't believe in swinging. I just know that none will hold you.

I just take the watch. I saw it coming as he started singing it. It still hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt it when I was, like don't say it, he started singing it. I hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt it when I was, like don't say it, don't get excited. I was like, I hope he gets it out. He will make anything I say in fucking fat jokes. No, I only do what you want to.

I only do like two. You call me stupid and old all the time. Cause you're dumb and old. Yeah, I have to be old, but you could be When you are you right? Problem I just text my wife send me a picture of his cock I hope you said that the best She should say which one if she said you back up, picture of wills.

Oh. Oh. Oh, so why you wouldn't do that with your wife, would you? No, I mean, it's something that we've like, we talked about right before we got married, which is like the honesty of it is like, hey, we're gonna be together for like a really long time. If at any point you wanna go outside

or I wanna go outside, like we should at least have the conversation as opposed to cheat. I don't think I have the fortitude to handle that. Yeah, because it always starts out nice. Yeah. And you see those couples and then it's somewhere along the road. The girl or somebody gets mad. Yeah. And well, she's going to win.

No, I'll get mad and then I'll kill my whole family. That's what why would you kill your kid? He didn't do nothing. He's been around. He was complacent. Yeah, he did. He would stop up. He guarded the door. He put the plan in front of the window. No, he has to think fantasies. Look, I'm already 18 fucking years. Throw away all my plants. I come up with just a plant in front of the door.

She's sucking somebody's dick. She's sucking Guy Tano's cock that 90 year old fucking lawn mower guy. I wouldn't go in until I came and then said, what are you doing? Oh my god. Would you, have you ever done? Same exact thing. I would, two emotionally, it would, it would, it would kill me. Do you have a girlfriend or are you married?

Yeah. He's married for a while. Have you have, you don't have a girl. Do you have a girlfriend or you married? Yeah, it's married for a while Hey, have you ever you have a girl now? You have a girl? No, I Yeah, a girl told me she loved me and then told me she wasn't interested like a week later when oh Just you know a couple months ago. It's been a good couple months. How long will you with her? Well, that's a complicate so I don't think we're really together and then all of a sudden I came out on and I'm like all right This sounds great and then I was all over baby blue So really and even after you got into the subway she broke on me. Yeah, yeah

Even after I'm I moved the plant for her instead of her for me. Let us do the funny stuff God damn it Rickles James just keep chugging along and you'll get there. Let me just set them up. Yeah, you guys like the ball Like a lay back I lay back in the cut to these three fucking amla So you have you ever had a girlfriend? Listen 44-year-old have you ever kissed the girl? I'm waiting for rich to set me up with someone No, I'm not James James is a player. Is he? James can be locked down.

Are you just bang? You just bang? I don't know about that. So I don't know if this is premeditated on your part, but as a fella, it makes me chub up a little bit. So I assume you've gotten some play after shows from this. Yes. Is James has maybe the lowest cut jeans

since Britney Spears in 02. I can't keep they are insane. Yeah, I can't keep them up anywhere. Short shirts. So anytime he goes, let's go everybody. His shirt comes up and just his full bush. I have a lot of boobs. And there's a couple of girls who still like that.

Yeah, it's very Viking. And I think where is this? I think she might have a five. Yeah, I'm just above his cock stupid. It's a pew. It might be in Rich's fan. I know where it goes pew it might be a rich is fantasies the way things are going what's that it might be in richest fantasies All right, you do the fucking jokes Look at me don't let him fucking beat you

You stay in there He's chewing fucking laffey taffy. I'm gonna get bullied by him. Oh, Mark Norman laffy taffy You're mouth with your rhymes. What's the laffy taffy? I don't know It's got a little more shit. It's not even gum. It's a gum. It's a gum. It's a nicotine. It's dank. Let him fight it out guys God damn smoke like a man rich smoke like a man. I used to do crack bitch You still before you quit You still before you quit. Yeah, okay, my shrooms. Oh, man, let's go. God, I'm hoping to desert.

Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to hang out with them. That's like a dream crew. Really, I fucking sissy pot eaters. I'm gonna smoke it, they just eat it. Oh, I'm sorry that I come back more loving and with lessons to bestow upon them. Doesn't sound like you're loving now,

you little angry box-broken? Well, I need a trip. Oh. Pots, thanks. I know, and you get to find this. Oh my God, there was so much gurgle. No, here. And there was like an old engine revving up.

I'm sorry, after my wife blew me, she kissed me. Sorry. You're at delight. Here's what catch me. These days fucking comics and I'm a saying Mike and Mike is there a lot of James or James. No, no, because he doesn't do it at all. These comics are going stage and he's talking about drinking again, high like whoa,. I smile shop. It's legal It's nothing. We don't care. You know, I mean like it's oh We did it when we had to go in the project and get weed

We had to go in the projects and go to like bad neighborhoods and I bet you had a risk on that risk what's that bet you had a great bit about that But what about going into the projects to get weed that you did I bet that, but what about going into the projects to get weed? That you did. I bet you did. I did not. Yeah, right. I've never talked about my Juvea instead on Loobers.

Never talked about drugs or alcohol on stage. Never? Or going to Juvea, or ever. That's your one minute. Pull up just the tip. Let's run through the entire hour. Let's scrub through. All right, and if there's nothing in there,

I get to rub my tip on your leg. I would absolutely. Oh, I really? Let's go. What is wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Oh, you're going to make a social it off, yeah, let's go. What is wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Oh, you're gonna make a special legend.

Did you know that? Let's go. On my leg or lip? Lip, listen. If we don't have to listen to the hour, you could rub your dick on my lip. Don't applaud him on this show. There's no laughter.

What about the person who was breaking up? No, the applause break up a like a Debbie. They just laugh. What are you a fucking young audience? No, I'm like, it's like that turned me into a seal. It's so funny. It stinks. I understand what you're saying though. There is a thing about, you know, it's like all right with the weed. We get it. It's a fucking weed truck on the corner. Back when you had a bi weed at the park, you fucking life was in your hand. I did that one.

I really wanna be in a regano. That sucked. In the 70s, we went to the park. I guess it was 77. They had pot day. It was seven. It was pot, huh? I was seven.

In 77? You were seven. Who were you? Who were you in 77? It was just getting, be 20. Yeah. So we do you should have marijuana gain and people will come from all over just reaching your sexual peak as Bobby was getting beaten by his third father. Second. Second. Third would come later. Third, third, third, there was awesome. Any time early. Third was third was awesome any time early That must have been awesome. Oh, he was good and that one Oh, oh Jesus. He was the best and he died terrible. What she goes. Oh Jesus about the cock. Come on for the kids Could you stand being married to a comic? No. No, you have to marry a comic.

No, you and it's a lot of comic. I've dated a lot of comic. It's the worst decision you could ever make. You're 100% wrong. Don't you think you're an outlier though? Because I think statistically speaking, you're one of us. He's not saying you're lying.

No, I know. You're an exception. I'm an anomaly. But it's a what? And then Wally. Good job. It was very close. It was close. Your exception normally, but it's what and then wowly. I'm a good job Very close Very close I'm not I'm not proud of it. I say the right and I what is it?

Let's not do it again and anomaly. Are you sure you didn't go to college? Hey, you know Go ahead. Go ahead. I'm not gonna to look at the school of hard knocks. Oh, that was good. No, no, no, punch down. That's beneath you. When they go low, I'm not. You're funny in the end. He turned into a lit. He turned into a listener. Yeah, he really did. That hurt. Who do you like that? I know I know I know

What's going on reddit fucking asshole? I do leave my friend alone Okay Uh You were talking about how you're an outlier in anime For both was I meant What are you again what are you oh here's the cock hold on

oh jeez i take this into oh no she just no that's we want to see the cock not the video we stop i got a deep bleep all this we're going to get fucking do stuff on youtube can i see it no i can't see it yes i think it's a terrible idea to be married to another comic because you are regularly.

I mean, unless you're like this or who's the other successful, like, uh, I mean Rose but an Andy, but they're new. That's not gonna be the most motion and that much. The cashier and Rose, Rose but an Andy Natasha Lennaro. A year maybe. Yeah. It's been two years, but I think they made the old one talking about, I'm talking about a year left.

And soon she pops. Did she? She's on SNL. She what? She's on SNL. What are you talking about? She's right around SNL. Get out of here.

Start cutting her clips now. You didn't know it? I used them to variety. I didn't know she was, I'm fucking so mad at her. I didn't know it. She didn't fuck. She said, I was talking to the other day, she goes, goes is weird that the only person that hasn't congratulated me is You know what is that? Why would you show me that?

I don't want to see I want to see the cock not the cock in another guy's mouth. Oh, it's a guy. I'm going Looks like you. Oh, I would. I could handle this. I can't really hurt those. Look at the girls on that. Gay sex, not for me. It's too aggressive.

Not for me. I've never watched a point. I've never even like, meany happened upon like anything. I've never, I've never looked at gay point either. My wife, like a trend, you're a trend stuff, right? No, never. My wife and I were watching. I strictly Vijay J. My wife like a trend, you're a trend stuff, right? No, never. My wife and I were watching, I strictly Vajay J.

I feel like it's rare. Do you see gay porn like on the front page of porn hub or ex-Nexxx? I've never seen it. I've never seen it. You know what you see more than anything else is the like the ads on the side for the dick pill thing where it's like some optical illusion

where some guy has like just turns into a like a magician's balloon. Yeah, I mean, I've seen like two male dragons have a sex and like one of those blinking ads on the side of a video. I hope my wife never gets into old cars and she's types of increasing. I'm my, I'm my safari. My wife and I were watching.

I don't know, where did you just look off to while you said that? It's just my fucking, my browser in my head. We were watching porn once in this Brog was blown this guy by action. I said we go. Look how lucky she is And I was eating her pussy and I still had Nick or a gum in a felon or snap Oh, you you get it stop throwing up. I'm sorry. I was at least her vagina didn't have a craving for a while No, but it blew bubbles. Oh god.

Okay, so just a little bit. You didn't have any confidence as you said it. I don't, I think I've removed all confidence from me entirely. Is it because you're a listener? The listener being shatterned by all the time. What you gonna wow shirt? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, really. I do. Do you have a shirt for him? Dude, I remember there was, there was one of those bumper stickers at my house when I was a kid And I went out it was like bumper stickers go on bumpers and then I put it on our car and my family was pissed Yeah, real pass You never have a bumper sticker there full a 12-step bumper stick like said easy does it or just for today

Thinking, you know if a cop blows me over we go. Oh look at this guy. He's in recovery. You know They don't give a fuck. I never had that Top drink. I didn't even know I don't know a sober cop. Yeah, no, no They know they see I didn't know that's what that meant. Yeah, what just for today or easy does it or one day at a time It's called out one day at a time makes it seem like you're like on the it like it's like that I knew easy does it. Some easy like trying anal. It's alcoholics and anonymous by the way.

No, next time you throw me into the conversation. No, you're not allowed to say that. You say your 12 step program. You don't want to break the message. You just hook me into the fucking thing. Maybe I don't want these guys to know that I'm in the program. I used to say you, I'm saying.

I used to go. When I was four, I used to go a lot. With the dad, my dad, yeah. Is he still in it? I think so, program. I used to show you I'm saying I used to go when I was four I used to go a lot with the dad Who I dad you know, is he still in it? I think so. Yeah. Oh good. I don't know if he goes as actively as before He's white knuckle in it. He probably probably I mean in terms of not going to therapy. Yes, but uh, other You do drink I drink yeah, I like you do drugs no drugs nothing no cuz I was gonna tell you this So you guys went to a you went it like a four um. I went to the rehab and the clinic with my mom and she gave me, she used to get a methadone like in little cups and so she gave me methadone as a kid because it tasted like orange juice. Oh no. So as a kid I had probably four or five doses, something

like that. And then my grandma who had custody of me found out, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Is it getting you high methadone? No, it just tasted like the greatest orange 5 doses, algo de eso, y a mi grandma, a la que me encontré, me preguntó, ¿qué es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es lo que es your mother was your mother her own straight up oh yeah and she had you and and she gave it to you no no she didn't she yeah gave me up because she she oh so she had so she gave you to your grandmother yeah my grandparents but then she would come and stay and she'd be in another house and then she'd watch me while everyone tried to earn money to feed everybody and then I'll do you at this time all like three or four at a good head of hair all this shit amongst oh if she's so long oh no no, Bob, she's such a long time. She died from heroin.

Oh, kind of. Sorry, I didn't mean to go this route. No, actually, Lewis Gomez father killer. It's so, it's, but it's that's so hilarious. Are you part Latin? Yeah, we could be. I don't know my real dad. He's either Mexican or Jewish or anything else,

but they, they told, I've been told two different things that they were not. Well, what are you going to do to the ancestry? Italian German. I said, my mom is, you're Italian I said, by your mom is your Italian German, because what your mom is. My dad could be goddamn. How'd you feel like, Max?

Maybe you, not Bob. How'd your mother die? So, um, I went to bed the night before my birthday. Oh my God. And I was supposed to do something for Arty Lang's show, to film things, and I got a real wild text from my mom. Just in all caps wildness and I just couldn't deal with it because I've been deal with it for a

while and uh yeah apparently she had written a note like three days before she just did heroin to our body broke down. How do you get how do you get Arty Lang show? Yeah we'll call him right now. That's weird though. I was kind of loosening up just calm. But that is interesting that you were going to do Ardie's show and then found out the part. And then I found out like a w- So like- But you were an adult.

I was a adult so like, she, no one found her dead for like a week and then- Oh, go. I woke up one day. Ardie Fuqua hits me up to go do a host and MTV Showcase. And at that point, I thought you were gonna say was still hitting on her. Yes, probably.

And if you want to go out for some drinks, Ardie is a no-go right now. Hosts and MTV showcase and at that point you're gonna say was still hitting on her. Yes, probably And if you want to go out for some drinks already It's a no-go right now So I Leave I was living with Greg Stone and Andy DeVito and I go in the living room And I was excited because my career was going even worse than does now Rich before you could sing me You're doing great. I appreciate you. I just want to get him everybody the- Everybody fucking like you. I want to ate my oldest motherfucker right there. I don't love you, but they like you a lot. I'm at the point spread then.

You're good. So I was like, I came out of the room and I was like, oh, oh, oh, I was excited that I got a chance to do something. And Greg goes, what is this? What are you doing? I'm like, oh, I'm going to host this MTV Showcase. Greg Stone goes, you can't come out of your room like this. I'm going to think like your mom died. I go yo if my mom died

I wouldn't be this like excited that night I'm going to see Greg audition of the comic strip and I get the call that my mother was probably it was already dead Oh, man that day when that statement had holy shit. I found out. Yeah, it's Greg's fault. Yeah, he fucking or let's get back to the Rolex Yeah, let's go back to the Rolex. Yeah, the most complicated Rolex you can get. Do I point my dates now? What do I do? When do I look at it, I'm sorry, everyone's gonna watch it now. Hang on one sec. That's what makes this. I mean, the most complicated Rolex they make is right here. Yeah, beautiful. It's really beautiful. It's fucking nuts. I know it. I like it back. But the color matches anything.

The black, the black dial. I have the blue one already. So yeah, yeah, I don't like that one. I love that one. I like the Hulk and that. I like you want the Hulk? I don't want to take it. I'll buy it. I'll buy you buy it. Yeah. Why not? How much you want? Whatever you paid for it, I'll buy it. That's not the way I do it. It's a Hulk What is what are you paid for it? Hulk is a it's a green Rolex. It's they call it the Hulk They have a Pepsi where it's like blue and red the bezel called a Pepsi a Batman where it's black and blue Yeah, so they they they name all the fans that Rolex doesn't name him. I'm joking

and the Hulk is Is the Hulk right there? That one right there. That'sM. And the Hulk is the Hulk right there. That one right there. That's it. You have the pay person and everything? I do have the pay person. That's kind of cool. What's cool?

I was going to get one. That's what I go. 27,000. No, that's what it's. I paid 10. I'll give you 11. No, I'll fucking. It's $27,000.

But that's new. No, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. But you know what you did. You go, I'll pay you a thousand more for your, so I'll pay you a thousand more. And you didn't. You said, so you could, you know, you get a tree. No, you said, I'm, I'm keeping it as an investment.

No, I'm keeping it as when I go to something like the mech out or something big. I wear it. I hope, I hope the mech out. I hope you have to sell it. So do I. Tell Bungal. I hope Bonnie find you like they found his mom. Yeah.

And she takes that watch out and gives it to her new boyfriend. The teacher she fucked. I'm the professor. I'm kidding. And then when he comes, he'll be the nutty professor. Whoa. That works on the fucking Irish goodbye. What's your show called again?

It's not God's. It's on your network. I know. Here's the scenario. It's right there. You'll let any fucking podcast on this network. We're the biggest show on the network. Are they?

You're not the biggest show. Name zero. We're the biggest in on the network. Are they? You're not the biggest show. I mean, we're the biggest show. We're the biggest in our bigger. What? Name three. Three beside yours at our bigger. Me.

Beside yours. Physical. How are you the biggest show? Me, I'm the biggest show. Numbers. We said besides you. I have more numbers than you. When did you hear that?

I know. How from who? We have access to the data. We have access to the data. You don't have my analytics. I do. How do you have my analytics? I have the whole hub of the network Yeah, you do not I watch Matt type it in once. Yeah, I have from laugh button

Yeah, the guy he doesn't answer our text, but that's how I you're gonna fuck first of all listen first of all I will punch Matt in this fucking old fat gut if he did that you freaking he did it I'm gonna have to fucking talk him off of now can you please show smaller than ours yeah you're here's the one for sure i'm sure they pop let's saying it they probably gonna be on the phone it's okay it's just the second biggest show on the network probably have obviously the cornerstone you guys have been doing it along this they probably had his moment a couple years ago they probably have a bigger show but one hundred% without listening without listening 100% it's not is good as ours

How could you know that boss? Oh god, it's too major. We don't we don't have a whole watch segment But please it's can you not you do not do this? It's not as good as a sleepy june is too hot for him wife that's not that's that's you two are so you are sure is doing great what's the uh... thing i'm saying

stop saying what's the second biggest i'm saying replacement i mean it's biggest but second biggest because you are the stop what's the thing we sure are you're out now my rush more what's the thing the theme is just about greatness and motivation you know not about braiding people know what they're capable show is greatness but it's a more hypothetical kind of a David Goggins type podcast ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You gotta be like a two female raptors flanking boss. Who's? Just nudging it with my nose.

You're an old T-Rex with a fucking bath. Your hands are the same size. Now who's your biggest sponsor, Mike Racine? He is on the show tomorrow. He's on the show? That's so fun. Mike Racine, don't bring Mike Racine up. Yeah, we owe me the good time.

I didn't even know you had a podcast. It's great, second biggest on this network. You should come to that. Stop saying that. Fastest rising for sure. We'll stop saying that. Yes, it was a game. I want to do it.

Can I be a guest? Yeah. Ugh. I want to be a guest on your podcast. What do you do it at? Right here, right here. Yeah. If you want to sleep over, we're doing it tomorrow.

Yeah. We'll bump for scene. Yeah. If you bump for scene, I might do it tomorrow. Yeah, well, Bump Racine. If you Bump Racine, I might do it. You're in 3 p.m. tomorrow. Why would you do that? Because Russan won't make eye contact for the whole episode, so we'll push him to neck. He does have something wrong with him.

I think we're not going to get into this. He's as funny as I love him. He's a funny fucking dude. I'll tell you, I was in Boston. I was doing a laugh Boston. then I went over to an open mic slaughtered he went on after me and had no problem nice that's how fucking funny he is he killed I'm gonna open my can I ask you why you did my the open mic afterwards Business and you're like I went to an open mic and did well and then a guy went up after me and did good

And you're like I went to an open mic and did well and then a guy went up after me and did good Good I mean time you're fucking the shale of all of the young open-mikers are taping thoughts like grandpa tries comedy for the first time Song underneath It actually does better than his regular videos Listen, he helped the stage with Gilbert Gottfried. When I'm on the show, was he being helped? Oh my God. Oh yeah, it wasn't great, Bobby.

Yeah, he was not great. It wasn't great. That's a mean thing to say. Yeah, sorry, it's true. He's a legend. What the fuck, you know, I'm- No, we had trouble with ledges. I know.

Oh, playing on words. He's on fire now. This is what happens. He doesn't stop because he's a shithead. You got to put it. He's funny. Let him be funny. But this is what can't end up.

It's his defense mechanism. I'm John Starks. I'm very streaky. I'm either 18 for 24. He'll Peter out. He'll Peter out. And he laughs. He laughs at his own shit though.

Immediately. I need support. He supports himself. Look see he look at that He just and then fucking Nicole's like this is great Fucking just loves him. I can't wait to fire her and get max He's barely taller than her. I don't know why I Coles land I'm impressed that you guys have a good mic good for you than here I don't know why that would do. Um, Nicole's land. I'm impressed that you guys have a good mic.

Good for you. Yeah, I'm a good mic. Another pod's big. Shut up, Michael. Michael, if you need a boost. Stop it. I'm not, you're not, you're not. You're not.

Yeah, I'm not doing it. I'm calling Matt from left, but. No, no, he's a fucking liar. Nobody knows who he is. Try to see if you can get him on the phone. He's got him on the phone. Yeah, try to get's a fucking liar. Nobody knows who he is. Gotta see if you can get him on the phone. Gotta get him on the phone. Yeah, try to get him on the phone. Yeah, exactly.

I'll be lost. I'll be landed before that. I'll part of the company. I can't get the fuck out of the phone. I'm calling him about losing weight. Not even the fucking. I have a text from April 1st waiting to be responded to. So I'm in the queue.

So get in line. I'm gonna see if I get him on a phone. Jamesy. Yeah, ironically, I remembered my mom's last text and Jesus, like son, I love you. I'll miss you. Also, I heard Mike and Mike have the second biggest podcast on this. All caps. They'll use this in a promo. The call was making notes. You know, it's not making notes of my, but right I said we gonna get that in the podcast. Yeah, yeah He's a calling vinyl text You call my mom. You're not calm Matt. Why you call it Matt? He's got a young child

He's with the kid he's got a young kid Everybody does Feeney a firm affirm our beliefs Nothing to get away with I'm a farmer kids except I'm feeney. A firm, a firm, our beliefs. Yeah. He doesn't want a kid. He's a rooving. Nothing to get away with his fame. You will buy a kid someday.

I like that. Like Angelina Jolie. Oh man. Honey, get one of those Ukraine kids. That's like Michael Chandler. Do you know Michael Chandler? The fighter. No.

He's the MMA guy. He is a, he's an amateur. Watch out the way. He's an amateur by the way. He's an answer by the way. Let's not let that go on notice. What? Matt? Boy, he's busy.

He's got a kid. Let's see though, if one of the people from the second biggest podcast on the network calls... Please call. Please call. Please call. Do you think I'll pick up? If he picks up with him, I'm leaving.

This network. I actually sent him a relatively serious text before, so I don't want to follow it up with that call. I know he sent me a fucking serious email that I got to give him an answer for. What? He wants to know if we want to reveal it on serious. Because they play our podcast on serious twice. Do they play you guys on serious? No, we're bigger than serious. Yeah, there's nothing bigger than what is bigger than serious?

What's the numbers on serious? Yes, serious. There's no numbers like huge blowing up numbers. What is it? What do you mean? What do you want? That's bigger than serious. In terms of like our podcast, how it does really well. You're too big to go on. The number that they presented with was was was not a presented you money. Yeah, Mike. I fucking hate you. We do it for free. I hate you fucking you're stupid. Pond headed fucking. I know what you're doing and it's a fucking me. They offered him money. No, he's fucking a liar. There are nobody's. They literally he lives. He lived in this mother for three. Life

parents. He's nothing That's right. It's on the show. It's fucking waited down with the Idiocryty. It's fucking nothing. You're okay, boss. I know. Okay. Don't call me later. Does your All now just like you to fucking back your podcast is it still plays on opi radio. Oh, no I thought twice you being this what happens When we were on opi radio we had our own radio show we didn't have a podcast on it

It was we have you in as a guest once no, oh no I'm not even getting in this. Yeah, you know why? Cause we didn't have enough seats for you to bring three other comps. Oh, he really does need it. He can't do it himself. He needs somebody else with him. I know. He can't, he really can't do it.

He needs another, you know what? I mean, he's a foil. Fini will turn though. If you offer Fini anything, he'll come. I turn. I love a serious act of him showing up. I turn. If you give him a fucking turn on this fucking gray hair

goes, but he'll stop that fat lesbian right off of the fucking train stop. He wants nothing to do with these losers. I said to him at all. I would like. He'll step on to that. He'll step on all our backs. Give him a little bit.

He'll play it. You keep saying this. What is that ever presented itself as an action? He never has. But. I think. I was going to need to do that. presented itself as it has never has but that looked like a beluga whale coming to surface that was driving oh shit that was driving to the airport

now it's just that you guys are Jim and Sam on Thursday yeah how come they didn't keep you in for the whole they cut you off after like one segment they got rid of no we didn't know we didn't know so people have been tweeting. What time did you go in? Big 30. Yeah, we go ahead. We go at it. No, I do the eight things. Let's go. We get we get it three hour So they get you free breakfast. Yeah, no they have yeah, and they pay for my parking You're so fucking you lie good. I don't Can I help you swear? You had to bring money

Swearing your kids so boss they don't swear in your kids so they pay for your party, he's too. He's not conscious yet I swear on his soul and his fingers and his toes You kids screaming in a fire. He's dead, I can't believe it. James is like, I've been there. I've just in the middle this wonderful pissing. James, listen dude. I'm having a great time Bobby.

Listen brother, it's just the young, dude, it's the young lions. Yeah. Walking around the whole fucking line with the, Listen, brother, it's just the young, dude, it's the young lions. Yeah. Walking around the whole fucking line with our mains have little patches. Yeah, yeah. We've noticed the limp. Yeah, dude, I got a knee brace on. I got a bit by a jackal last week.

His young cock suck is a coming into the row. We got to fight him off. I'm hanging off. You're doing great. I'm, I'm, I'm off I'm hanging off I'm stepping out of the business I'm out I'm gonna let these guys go and fucking make money off of their work Listen I'm married into fucking fame but here's one I'm saying you're so lucky you married a fuck you married something He's so free to carry you shows It's amazing, his money is fucking play money Yeah, that's all right here's why like the way he's down you

the way Mike is and saying how big they are on the network. Yes. Great job. He's not co-signing it. So That would that would really oversell it and be kind of obnoxious if you ask me. Yeah, they get they get a great job. Don't think your voices. I'm not obnoxious if you ask me. Yeah. They get a great show. Don't think you're voices obnoxious. I mean, I have all of the words in the English language at my disposal. Yeah, even the ones with S's. Yeah.

And there you go. I got one too. Cun-suck. Suck. Suck. They have a great show. I've been a fan of these three guys for a long time. I like Sackelow.

I'm actually the one. I like that like Sackelow. I've been a fan of these three guys for a long time. I like Saga Lo. I'm actually the one, I like that. I like Saga Lo. I like Saga Lo. I mean, Saga Lo is my favorite tip. Yeah, I know. I thought that was the three guys you were talking about. You know what I like about Mike Cannon? What is he called?

He's called Saga Lo not a threat. I thought that would be a fun to throw away thing. James got to go. I got to go, Bobby. James, I got to hold. Wait, stop. I thought it would be a fun to throw away thing and James gotta go. I gotta go Bobby. James. I gotta wait. Stop. I gotta work rich. Remember how that felt? Oh, the way out. What the fuck? I told you. I told you. June 3rd, the check spot. June 3rd, the check spot on YouTube is recorded while people paid their bills. Where is it? YouTube. On YouTube.

All right. I feel like I just started screaming. who's recorded while people paid their bills. Where is it? YouTube. On YouTube, we're doing a, uh, I feel like I just started screaming. It's crazy. The night before June 2nd. Wait, why the mind going to catch by? What is that? Where's that from? It's, it was, it was my album.

That's what you get every week in a club. I'm still. I'm a little bit out of the air. And, but now the video's coming out to black and white. It's totally different material. And it's just cool shit. Uh, yeah.

James, come back on soon for the whole show. Yeah. Great concept, man. Seriously, it's going to be exciting. You two got one of the good guys in the fucking business great guy I move Oh, you can move over you want to move okay move up no move over you good is which one Nicole's up to you who do call What do you say make an enemy? My brother not

You're called I'm telling you tell somebody to move. Who do you call? What do you say? Make an enemy? My brother not. You're called. I'm telling you to tell somebody. I mean, you should move over. Thank you. I'm going to pee. I was very hard for her to fucking like when you guys are on, it's hard for her. She yeah, she's your girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, she's the best. Yeah. So I had Joe here to watch her back like the KUZ fucking spy. This is why I this is why I'm a fan of my cannon. Mike and anon and oh, yes Where were we in at a

Skankfest in Houston they were having breakfast. I walked down this sit down I sat out and he bought breakfast without blinking an eye. He bought everybody. He acted like a headliner at that moment Mike is Mike is one of my favorite comics. He killed him to buy, but he did it. Yeah, it really fucked me for two months, but otherwise, no. But he got home and his wife said, you bought another breakfast.

Look Mike, it's the game, honey. It was rich. So how I own. I own. But their podcast isn't even as big as yours. It's not the point. She talks about how big our podcast is all the time. I'm going to start listening.

No, you're not. Oh, please. I've never heard an episode. I need a very fun. I, uh, what's wrong with that? Whenever you guys have something to promote. Just take your one off. Why, what is it?

Take it off. It's all wet. Yeah, he was spitting a little bit. That's all right. Oh, all right. Oh, look at you. I would throw the microwave. It's all wet. Yeah, he was spitting a little bit. Sorry. Oh, all right. Oh, look at you. I would throw the microwave. We can clean it.

Throw it out. Throw it out. Don't throw it out. You can clean it. Just throw it away. There's more. I like Mike. I like James.

He's the guy. He's the best. He's a hard workman. When I first met him, he freaked me out. Because I thought he was on drugs, and he was so crazy, screaming, and yelling, and... He's neurotic. He's from another time when I first met him he freaked me out because I thought he was on drugs and he was so crazy Yeah, screaming and yelling and he's neurotic. He's from another time What do you mean really it like he kind of is from like the he's both from the 80s the 40s the 20s like he's got

He's got a lot of different elements to his personality that are all equally strong. Oh, it makes me so sad shut up I was waiting for somebody to cut me off and by the time I just Yeah, just for an eulogy. I'm sorry. I was thinking about watch while he was talking. I'm so beautiful I'm so beautiful in this seat now Like now I'm ping ponging I like the look down the alley He just talks. How do you connect with these zeros? He just talks. How do you connect with these zeros? You can't.

It's just so impossible. Yeah, I think I do. One on one when they need advice. They'll call you up and they're fucking all right. Yeah. And we see him in public. It's like fucking, I'm telling you. It's like a wild cat.

It's fucking. You don't know if they're friendly. They're going to scratch your eyes out. Oh, Jesus. I like him a lot, but it's very sad to me about his mom. I didn't know all that. I didn't know all that. I've known him for years and he's never revealed

that he's a close to that person. I wish I could have a hard journey. It's so fucking, this is Jesus Christ-free. It's terrible. I mean, to think that you're my- To give your kid, to be so fucked up, to give him drugs. Isn't that, was that so? What is methadone, though? I don't know what that fucked up to give him drugs. Yeah, was that what is methadone?

That's what I don't know what that takes you down to heroin right methadone is supposed to take When you're quitting heroin, it's supposed to take the edge off and give you the same high but it's controllable through Through the government or whatever and you're right right now I don't because I don't know anything about it. I'm just Well, this brain was fucking exploding Yeah, so so he was probably getting high as a kid for sure. There is no doubt about it

Yeah, or was it the mom giving him Hers because he's she's like I don't want to take it. Maybe she had to take it Yeah, you guys you guys and she was getting high when he was in her stomach to take it and maybe she had to take it. Yeah, she was getting high when he was in her stomach. How to fix the baby? You know what I mean? Well, you know what he's retarded. What?

Maybe she started when he was born. I don't know. I didn't like him that much. You just started booting around. What did you do as a kid? Stocks? What? Stocks?

I just stocked. Yeah, he has a fetal stock syndrome. Yeah, killer Roth IRA. Mother, I met a Negro today, mother. No fuck is that? That's how they talked in Rich's time. Before they were allowed in the same school. I am not deleting it either.

Otherwise I go back to school. I go fucking wrong. You're gonna home and Bonnie's go take that out. I have Bonnie's real ginshing fucking fucking from from from you. I like that show. No, that's the Austin reality show. I enjoyed it. 20-somethings or whatever. I didn't see it.

I liked it. I was going. Yeah, it was interesting. I was in Netflix. What is it? The one she was executive producer on. What is it? That's what it is. I liked it. I was good. Yeah, I mean, it was interesting. I'm on Netflix. What is it? What is it?

What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What you fucking headphones on? Oh, sorry, sorry. What is it? Her show that she was exactly a producer on Netflix.

Twenty-somethings in Austin. What is it about that? I don't understand. Just take a toast. Go ahead. It's like the real world, basically. It's kind of a stripped down reality show where they bring these kids in from sometimes there,

from out of town, some times there from other parts of Texas, but they all want to go to Austin to accomplish something. So there was one kid who was a comedian. He had like never done comedy before, but he moved there. He was like every other comedian that just went to the Logan. Which they never even talked about the influence on why he went there.

I thought that could have been interesting. Like did he move because of Logan or was it for the show or what was the Impetus, but either way I mean the girls were really hot there were some influence or whatever and it was just it was interesting because it reminded Of early from each other right it was early real world when like Everything wasn't scripted. They just kind of observed shit and then they probably cut storyline from what they had filmed Similar to like real world now they have like, you know, they throw a jug of fucking plastic vodka in a room Get them shit face and then say this guy called you gay and then like it's a fist fight and they start up a whole new storyline

Thank you for telling us about reality since we've done it both of us 20 years ago, right? But nobody knows what that comment is anymore. Yeah, I of us 20 years ago. Right, but nobody knows what that comment is anymore. Yeah, I'm saying 20 years ago. Yeah. Don't laugh. Can you stop laughing at yourself? I was laughing.

It's annoying. I don't know why I'm laughing. You literally say something. Yeah, I know. It's like you're enjoying making it. And it's fucking sick. I'm mumbling. He's making it sick.

I must and I'll die. I understand it, but please don't have to get angry at us either. You don't have to get violent. Because you either get violent. You get violent, you get fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. He's making us sick. And then we'll laugh.

We think you're funny. We barely, barely. We think you're funny. I need a safety net. I need a life. Please, because it's getting fucking tedious. To watch you go, hey, it's fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I look at your friend, he's like, okay,

we'll let you know. Don't try to turn the second biggest podcast in this, that's what we're making. That's each other. He has so much fear of a state for you. That's right, I love cannon. Not you, him. Oh, I don't like him.

I don't like him. Yeah, because I'm kidding, you know, no, because. There's tone issues all around tonight Fendi comes from a controlled What is that mean you have no idea where I come from or what let's find out Fendi because I don't know Yes, I asked somebody about you today. No, I asked I saw Sagalo last night leaving 12 o'clock leaving the VU after his set. Well, it's every donut pub and he Well, he was eating something already. And I called him from my car.

He walked right by, I didn't see me. And I'm like, what are you doing? What are you? Why are you walking like that? He's like, what? Where are you? This is freaking me out. He acts like it's a mystery.

I'm in the car. The only car with its lights on on the street, you fucking idiot. I know. And you came from him. And he, I asked him about you. And I was like, this fucking cannon come from money. I mean, from, this feeling he come from money.

No, he's a clone. No, you, you, you, you, you. He's a clone. Saga Lo comes from money. Saga Lo pour up in the most affluent. Wait a minute, stop. Yeah. Stop.

He's, wait a minute. Saga Lo. He's from Ciosit. It's the, that's where fucking Judd Apatow is for- It's the most affluent neighborhood. One of the most affluent neighborhoods in all of Long Island is that Port Washington and Garden City. His parents have money.

Money! There's a lawyer! Why do you think he just did a month in Disney Land? Yeah, that. And he's to left over a movie. I thought he got a job! I thought he was fucking making for a month. Now he'd be goofly if anybody. So wait a minute, your parents don't have money. No. What do your parents do?

My dad worked, my whole life worked at UPS. He started as a driver, worked all the way his up to the top. Your dad is Kevin James. Yeah, he's close to having... How come your brother Malaney did so well? Because he had drugs. He had okay. Ah. So your mom? She owned, she bought a five year lease on a nail salon that she opened and then, no, America. And then she found out like the week that she signed

that she found that she was pregnant with me. So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait pregnant with me. So wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm from. Long time ago. But like, like, this is fucking thought. You just keep yapping with questions. He's trying to answer questions. Like a prosecutor. Yeah, I know. This is,

I'm gonna poke holes at Scott. I want to hear. What happened to a fucking nail salon? So she had then, she got this five year lease on nail salon and then immediately was like, I'm pregnant. So then she ended up, wait, wait, wait. how do you already have questions?

He repressed them all, I didn't get to the end! No, you can do nails pregnant, you know what I said? She did nails pregnant and I spent the first like two years of my life in that salon Sure the fjum said no effect Well that's what she was like, I gotta get rid of him Yeah But then she still then she just worked in other people's Fucking laugh yeah, yeah, but then she still then she just worked in other people I'm laugh again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm muffled it. Oh, you tried to

saffron it. You tried to lick your lips, but And and then she just worked in other people salons after that like and just she always But what happened to hers? It fell apart. Oh, she got no, not he didn't even get the five year she sold it because she was she got rid of the lease. She made profit. She was like, well, no, because it was the first, because when she was pregnant, we moved me and then having a kid and having a new kid,

she wasn't juggling, being a new business owner and all that other stuff. She was more of a magician. Yeah, she also worked at a Starbucks as a manager. She did a multiple jobs. While you're growing up. Yeah, yeah. I used to give my fourth grade teacher like pounds of coffee

That my mom would give me and then I would get better grades nice Yeah, and you also had so many boxes to build forts like that's the shit cuz my head of you Yeah, so my dad worked as he started as a that was a serious thing. That wasn't me. I know I was Was in the joke cuz you would have left He got so Down you That was involuntarily He's fucking hippie is not that fucking hippie when I tried it I fucking everyone. I tried to,

what came over me? He's called me. I know what, Jesus. He carries himself like he does come from the good background. And he does, I'm a, I mean, I swear to God,

I would say, Fini has money, came from money. I would say, Sagalow is, I mean, probably doesn't have parents. Like literally,

but I know what he wants you to think. He's trying to write his own Marshall Mathers bio pick does he have So they do they have millions let me ask this question. Do they do they help him? I mean they take him on lavish. Do I have to worry about him financially? No, I think that's fine that cocksucker owes me money I gave him money. No, listen he lit. I don't want this to sound like he's living autonomously and independently of his parents. They don't have that. Would they help him if he was in a behind-eye?

I'm sure. But they don't have to. I didn't need to give him money at some point. He made a joke on the podcast that he was on. Give him. I should have gave it to him. I was like, I was at Starbucks. Yes.

It's great. Yeah. You have a Fini Dut. You have the Vot. You're like a shaved cat at Starbucks. Yes. It's been great. Yeah. You have a Fini duck. You have the Vah. You're like a shaved cat on a velvet pillow. Like that's who he is. What did you just say? Oh, I wish you'd say that.

Is that not a perfect description of him, the whole cat? I always said I'm the careless cat, but I'm not the one who's not the most. She's got nothing. This is my job. Nicole, shut your pie. You don't talk to him on this. Oh, I wish you'd shoot your neck with a straight razor.

There it goes. They're got there. It's cool to pause. I don't understand what he is. What is he again, a shave cat on a what? On a velvet pillow. Do you not have that, that is a per... Pull up a big white, pull up the fancy piece cat. I was just asking what you said.

I pictured You got it secure with old trim. You got it secure about it. I was just saying what did you say? I didn't understand That was Gilbert the last week. Oh Wow Wow, there's the clip for the show and then Joe's gonna have to cut in a clip of fucking Wow on a pillow. There you go Joe, get on it now. I'm sure. So my dad worked at UPS, worked his way up from a driver

to like, like everybody in there last week by the way. What? I'm sorry, good. So he bombed on my show. Worked out. Well, I'm the fucking third good show, third best show right now. No, you're two.

He would, he'd spilled water. He was, so that was such a, that was a resentful swallow. Oh, not for me, I'm too bad myself. The fuck it's better. He worked his way up through the company and he was on like the kind of the precipice of what he thought was a big promotion. And then him and his, one of his co-workers decided they were gonna leave and they're gonna start their own business together.

And so. That X. Yeah. So yeah. I think he told this story. I think I remembered this story. Yeah, so he quit. He quit and then his partner didn't quit.

And then like literally the week after. So that's like, that's like, boss we did to me. Yeah, and then watch the, and then the week after everybody got like promotion. So like he would have gotten the job. He was like working as aso. So what did he do after he quit? Well, he was as he was working at UPS,

they were paying for his master's degree. So he was doing that for 80 hours a week. So see you later. Rich, did you forget? Anyways, that is what it would have been. We're gonna be going into. We're gonna be going into Patreon right in a couple minutes right now.

So in a couple minutes right now, so Well in a couple minutes you're fine go pee He doesn't want to mess plunge hold on hold on and maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, but you Said let's come on in. We're showing a bunch of clips that we shot over the weekend when we were in Buffalo You said you're coming up. We're getting to that now. Oh, that's what we're doing. Oh, okay. I was just asking, I'm not accusing.

Well, you sound accusing. Well, I said I'm not accusing. Now you fucking lost the fucking teenagers attention. Now he's on his phone. No, no, I just, I've seen who's canceling them. You have to leave it to that. All right, listen, we have to, he's not canceling anybody.

All right, we're gonna go to Patreon. Right now, uh, just go with him. Can you fucking stop? But you do we say can we wrap up the whole thing about how That is your dad doing okay. Well, yeah, he ended up he ended up leaving I won't stop you one second Goodbye well gonna go to patreon a few minutes, but please finish your story. I hate him a few minutes, but please finish your story. I hate him. I hope you bury his podcast. It's already happened. We always think it's good. Oh, he's going to be a bit. We would jerk off to that pick. Rich Voss everybody check him out. James Mathers, Matt, and Chepp Mathers. Who's that? Marshall.

Thanks. Check him out, richvossrichvoss.com. His podcast, my wife hates me, and all the stuff, and whatever he does. Go check it. He's a fucking true fucking legend and hilarious person. Mike Cannon, of course, you have a special coming out. Special coming out.

Yeah, May 18th on my YouTube, Mike Cannon Comedy, on YouTube, yeah, I'm really psyched about it. And I'll be on next week to continue the buzz tour. It's you come back on next week and it's independent. You don't you did I spent all my I spent a full watch on this special. I'm telling you right now. One of the funniest fucking I'm telling you I love you three. I appreciate it. And you guys if I put all my money on you,

fucking guys killing it. Stand up wise. You guys killing it. And you guys, I put all my money on you, fucking guys, killing it, stand up wise. You guys killing it. You're all on it to sell it now, you fucking murdering it. Your specials coming out. And I have a second special coming out in July. Let's not get carried away. That one's not that good.

It is. It's an, it's an, it's an Nicole, she filmed it. It's crowd work. It's bullshit. And I was on that, I was on that. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. It's got a crowd word. Unannable.

Unannable. Yeah, it's a gimmick. Listen, the ones that's coming out next week though is awesome. It's got a crowd word. On Animal. Yeah, it's a gimmick. Listen, the one that's coming next week though is awesome. It's the other one that's gimmick. Let me tell you about power. I rather the hour, but I do think that the crowd work is pretty good. Here's my opinion on crowd works. That's some of the best.

Patreon.com says, what do you get? No quick, hold that. Like anycomedy.com, twitch.tv slash NYFreshMaker and I am Mike Finiacross on social media. He is killing it it crushing on social media Very funny guy in a million views today on the tiktok. How's that? I just got a million views today on the tiktok. Bing. I was gonna say I don't like it. From Warren's clip. We don't need What's in the tick or the top?

They're teaming up. You need to to come and strangle. You need to listen. Yeah, we don't need you don't need to take that step That's that we're done. We're done. No, what I'm done. I like no way. No, we don't need to do TikTok. No, I wouldn't do fucking You should take it. I was but I'm sure you're doing great. Shut up. I What did you say? All you gotta do is slap your stand up up there. You don't have to do TikTok. You just have to post on TikTok. You don't have to be a part of the community and fucking these sounds and shit. 200,000. I got five followers.

There you go. It's incredible. I had some of the Chinese robots. TikTok is weird though, because one clip will get, like I got one clip, but I got fucking just went 200,000. The other one, Fucking 4,000. But that's the best part about is that they actually show it to

fucking people versus an Instagram. They fucking have to be like, you don't get any of this unless you boost your posts. Yeah, but tick tock. It's random, but it feels like winning the lottery every time you have a viral video, it feels fucking great because you're like, I didn't do anything different. It's weird to watch that.

And then you put another one. You're like, let's do it again. Yeah's weird to watch that, then you put another one. You're like, let's do it again. And it's like, no. Hey, if it was just, if the rollercoaster's never just fucking, you know, sometimes they gotta go back. If it wasn't hard, everybody would do it. Who? Every body.

Every body? I wasn't sure if it was everyone or everybody. The hard is what makes it great. Well, you talk about the crowd work. I have so much to stain for you. The stain is what you talk about the crowd. The stain is what you got on your pants from your drool. That's it. Oh my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they need a cumber bun to watch who you're fucking.

Oh, you drama mean. It's fucking stinks. Watch your seconds I Ramamine Yeah, watch your second special Where you from I'm high I could have done the same thing only a little bit of I do a bit I do a bit bad crowd work guy and it's guys like him Here's the thing about here's Okay, here's my opinions. Peace go. And that's why 15 years ago, Bonnie's like do a crowd work special. Yeah. Crowd work has to come natural

to do a special. You're forcing in my opinion. You're forcing it. Yeah. And it doesn't come natural. Like I've done big J show to crowd work show. Yeah. What you fucking deal. Yeah, what's your deal? And it's full it's more force than when you're in the moment doing crowd so say you're Doing ten sets and I think maybe Todd Barry did his like this then you're taking out the best pieces because it's coming

Nandra well what I so the way I approach this no one cares all right, okay Go ahead. No, so I So the way I approached this. No one cares. All right, okay, go ahead. No, let me, no, so I, I anticipate. We're not done laughing. Let's go ahead. That was just fucking quick and mean.

That one was a fucking, that was an old Japanese sword. We can't, no. Tana. I approached it knowing that and agreeing with you and thinking the same thing. And the most I anticipated getting out of this was like a 15, 20 minute maybe thing.minute maybe thing. But it actually went really well so it's going to be an extended thing that I put out for real. That's great and when you say really

well don't you think we should be the judge of that. You really you really want to see a cut before I put it out. Yes. Oh, I'll say it again. It will. But Katana. I'm gonna check in time. Can it work? Well, we'll judge it. I see. Let's do a Patreon podcast. We'll judge it.

We can't through it. If we say no, you can't put it out. Yeah. No, it's my producer. But yeah, producer who sag a lot. Yes. Yes. Brendan's father's money. Yeah, no, it's my producer, but yeah, no producer who sag a lot. Yes, yes Who's your producer who's the new who's the new video guy now twizzle beard

Who's the new video? I mean that must be somebody's new hand on that. Stick around, it's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber kelly. See you there. What else do I have to do? We have names? Alright, let's read names you're out.

If you want to go, you wanna go, you can go. You can go. I'm releasing you from your duties. There's only a couple of names. There's only three names. All right, there you go. You know, those patrons doing good, but there's only three names. Brittany Hansworth.

Hainesworth. Hainesworth, Corey, Grosquasquits. And Joseph Went. To where? I know Joseph. He went right on and signed up for that page. He did. Welcome to the Patreon.

Make sure you check out all the stuff every week and go to ComicWareables.com, your Patreon member. Go there and get yourself YKWD stuff. I don't know why he was showing other people stuff. I mean, she's literally fucking, just have that ready to go. Why would we have to show other comics? She secretly hates me. Papa King, we got all kinds of stuff.

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Like, comment, subscribe, tell your friends, spread the word of the YKWD. That's your job, okay? As a listener of the show, I need you to spread the word, retweet all our stuff, get the stuff out there on social media and help us get this show popping. You guys are doing great, so make sure if you're on YouTube. Yeah. What?

What is it? You're in front of my shot. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not a fucking pro. I know that, you're in front of my shot. I'm sorry, I'm not a fucking pro. I know that you're not a fucking, you're a pro asshole. Where are you going? It's trying to find a garbage. It's out, out in the hallway. Thanks everybody.

All right, I wanna thank New Nikki. What's up, New Nikki? I wanna thank joke Russell, at joke Russell, check out his cheese show. Everybody here in his Olivia have a beautiful cheese show on YouTube. Subscribe and like and comment to all that. And I want to thank, at Mike Vishuarez,

little mushy, mushy, mush Mike. And I want to thank all the ladybuzz watching live in the chat right now. And all the questions and all that and showing up every week. We'll see you guys next week on You Know What, Dude? you You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs.