Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Two Eeyores | Joe List Guest Host
Episode Date: October 11, 2021This week YKWD show Reg Joe List sits in for Bobby with guests Sean Donnelly, Steve Rogers and Isabel Hagen as they get into proper text response times, the problem with scary movies, and trick or tre...ating experiences. https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly Bonus Episode, YKWD Overtime, LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día.
Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene.
Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos y no creer olvida.
Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia.
Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra.
Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la Dición Especial de Madrid nos lia.
Un lumena que de mao, a Madrid.
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de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos.
Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. He's back again. Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm keeping my time.
I can't die you need.
This podcast is so fun and crazy.
And there's no rules.
Shut up!
You're ruining this!
Break the bar.
Damn it, man.
I'm so sorry.
It's comedy podcast.
This is an NPR.
That's the podcast done.
Is there any better show?
This is the original.
Original.
Original, original!
Dude! Hey, I only have one ear can.
Mine only got sound in one ear.
Is that normal?
The jack?
My jack is off.
Ha ha!
Yeah!
Welcome to the show, everybody.
Should I look in the camera the way Bob does?
Yeah. Hey folks! Yeah, yeah, welcome to the show everybody should I look in the camera the way Bob does
Hey folks
Wow
Here we are dude, this is gonna be a shit show dude. No rules. Just fucking whatever dude
This is Joe list co-host not co-hosting guest hosting
But you know what Dizzle podcast and let's be honest.'ve been the one that's been making this show great for the last 10 years
and I apologize for not being on one of them on.
Thank you Steve for laughing
because it made it seem like a weird thing.
Bobby's on the road out there with Ron on,
Hershberg getting along swimmingly, I'm sure.
And Louis of course.
And I got some guests.
I brought in my own special guests a lot of times you're watching the show going who the fuck books this show
Well this show is booked by
Monagia
We got I'm gonna go right across usually when Bobby doesn't know someone's name
He'll say hey, go hey Steve introduce everybody
That's how you know Bobby doesn't know someone's name, he'll say, hey, hey, Steve, introduce everybody. That's how you know Bobby doesn't know who's on the show. We got, I gotta give everyone nicknames too.
We got Steve, Big Dick Rogers, you already have one.
There we go, perfect.
Big piece to know about this.
No.
Steve's got Big Dick Cut, which I started this rumor
on Tuesdays with Stories because Steve is such an
unassuming little piece of shit. And I started saying, wouldn Tuesdays with Stories because Steve is such an unassuming little piece of shit
and I started saying, wouldn't it be funny if Steve had a huge cock?
Then right around the same time, his girlfriend,
comedian, Caitlin Palufo, who kills harder than anybody in the show.
Started doing a bit about how her boyfriend has a big cut.
She confirmed my rumor.
Really?
Yeah.
So it's a real thing.
See, I never see... This is the most timid big dick
But then he doesn't text people back
VD he just got to the bottom of it. That's why that's where the big day
G is being tunneled through his text messages
He doesn't get back to people and this is of course Sean Donnelly who everybody knows
Superstar middle class of comedy superstar. Yeah, blue collar face. Woo! Superstar, middle class of comedy, superstar.
Yeah, blue collar face, what's it called?
Manual labor face.
But blue collar face should probably
shouldn't have been like,
blue collar face and then Isabel,
the Cunt, Hagen, and then,
I knew you were gonna say that.
Really?
That was my nickname for myself.
I'm like, Isabel, the Cunt.
I think you can really know that.
Am I unpredictable? Do I start? Yeah, it's very predictable. Oh, geez. Well, Isabel I'm like, isabel the country? I think you can really know that?
Am I predictable?
Do I suck?
Yeah, it's very predictable.
Oh, geez.
Well, isabel Hagen welcome to the show?
Have you been on You Know What Dude before?
No, I don't know.
And you're a friend of Bob's.
Oh, yeah.
That's a little hurtful.
Bobby.
And you've never been on either.
I've never been on.
But I've never met Bobby.
Oh, you never had?
No, no, kid.
It's a sweetheart of a man.
I'm a fan, but I've never met him. Are you a fan?
I am I would watch a tourgasm when I was a kid. We just rewatched it during the pandemic
Yeah, and I'll just that's it
Quite a program. It's great. He was one of my favorites. I was him and Goldman
Obviously were my favorite there is a thing with Goldman and it where and I love Goldman
I'm where buddies, but he they have a thing about how they call out Goldman for being late.
And it's actually a great conversation where they're like, I think it's a little bit on
purpose if you're perpetually late, a good amount of time.
And I'm like, I actually believe that I think it's a power play at times.
I heard, well, we're on the regulars of this podcast are me and Dan Soder and Lewis
Jay Gomez, of course.
And Lewis is always late.
He's never not late.
And I heard a thing or read a thing about,
cause it used to drive me crazy.
I mean, it's still annoying, but I heard that a lot of times
those people, it's not a fuck you move.
They just think they can do more than they are able to.
Like they genuinely believe, I can go, drop off my kid,
brush my teeth, pick up a coffee,
and get to the West Village in a half an hour, and they just can't. I can go drop off my kid, brush my teeth, pick up a coffee,
and get to the West Village in a half an hour,
and they just can't.
Their time perception is way off.
Right.
That's what I heard.
No, is that, that could be one of the reasons,
but you don't think any, I'm not talking 10 minutes late.
I'm not talking, I'm not talking like even 15 minutes late.
I'm talking to people who are like,
you're like, hey, I'll meet you here,
and they're like an hour, hour and a half late.
That's like insane to me. No, it drives me crazy. I mean, I'll meet you here, and they're like an hour, an hour and a half late. Like that's like insane to me.
No, it drives me crazy.
I mean, I am the exact opposite.
I am like pathologically, compulsively early.
Me too, 100%.
Yeah.
I spend most of my life just walking around
being like, this is too early to show up.
It's psychotic.
Yeah.
Before I started doing road comedy stuff,
or even in the beginning of it,
I would show up to the airport like three hours early.
Like, even when I think I'm gonna get you a place,
like, I'll get there 10 or 15 minutes late,
I get there exactly on time.
When I say it, my perception is,
I will, I'm gonna try to be relaxed
and then I still get there exactly on time more early.
I'm the same way. Isabel?
I oscillate. Sometimes I go through late periods
and I think it's like a compulsion.
That means you're pregnant.
Yeah. Sorry.
I am. No. Sorry. I am.
No, like where you know you sort of think like,
oh, I won't be late.
That's the sort of the thing.
Oh, I think I can get more done than I can.
Right.
It feels like a compulsion more than anything.
Because I'll tell myself like, okay,
don't be late this time.
And then I'm like even more late.
Oh, wow.
You know, see, I'm hearing a fan all of a sudden.
You guys hearing that also?
Yeah, I heard it.
I don't know where that I heard. I don't know if the audience is here. Is that a fan? I mean, it's a fan all of a sudden. Are you guys hearing that all of a sudden? Yeah, I hear it.
I don't know where that is.
I heard that.
I don't know if he has a fan, maybe he has this fan.
It doesn't sound like a fan.
It sounds like somebody's whispering in my ear.
Like I just got a heart on.
Like it sounds like someone's like.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
And so maybe it's an apparition.
Ooh, that sort of ghost.
Oh, a ghost.
Maybe it's the ghost of Bobby Kelly's past.
But don't you have, I am the tourgasm ghost coming back.
I imagine you, Isabelle, and I would have not
Steve, though, were figuring out more about him
with his big dick energy and not text people back.
I have this thing that I'm like,
everybody will hate me if I'm late.
And my therapist says he's like,
you're not considering how people's feelings.
He's like, I'm not gonna hate you every late.
I know, I know you, I know who you are.
Yes, that's partly why I don't,
I have a hard time with the texting and
being late, I'm afraid of people hating me. Sometimes I work myself up so much with the
texting. I'm like, I don't know how to answer this because I can't do the thing they're
asking me to do. And they're going to hate me that I overwhelm myself and put it off.
I get that. I've done that before where I have to contact somebody and I'm like
Disappointing somebody a little bit. I think it's them. I'm like I'm magnetized it. Magnum magnetize it. Magnify. Okay. I'm on fraud So you need to see my dick
I magnify it by like 10 times thinking oh my god. They're just gonna hate me forever. Yeah, I'm the same way and they're gonna
And be like they're gonna tell me they're disappointed in me or they're gonna yell at me in a weird like terse way, I'm saying. And they're going to and be like, they're going to tell me they're disappointed in me. Are they going to yell at me in a weird like terse way. And I'm learning
it's a self fulfilling prophecy that if I worry that people are going to hate me by my
reaction to their text by not responding, it makes them hate me. Well, let's go over it
because I texted you two times in a row. I know. I couldn't make either of the things and
I felt bad. And then I was like, I got to tell them I can't do it. Why? I couldn't make either of the things and I felt bad and then I was like, I gotta tell him I can't do it
and I was worried about responding to you
and then I never did and that's the short version.
That's what Norma does.
They know it makes you anxious.
So you're like, ah, I'll put this off.
You know?
And I think it's gonna make me feel better
and then I forget to respond and then this happens.
Do you wanna be a Norman territory?
Do you wanna have a reputation of not texting.
So, I'm not gonna...
Sometimes I'm gonna respond right away
and I'm like, that's too desperate to respond right away.
Right.
And I forget about it.
So then I leave like two days later, I'm like, ah, fuck.
I've done that.
I've done that where I wait
because I think I shouldn't answer right away
because it seems desperate.
I've done that.
Yeah, it's weird.
You don't wanna be like a person
that's just on their phone constantly.
Yeah, I have this thing, especially with you to be like a person that's just on their phone constantly. Yeah, I have this thing
Especially with you, we text a lot about our mental health problems
Sometimes I'll look at and I used to have this with my wife more to is that I'll look at just not read reread the text
But just look at the sizes and my texts are like this long and then yours are this long
And I've had that before you just go through and you're like, I am telling, we're doing different frequencies.
It's a lot of blue.
That's a new long text.
Occasionally, but mine are like, you'll be like,
hey, how are you today?
And I'm like, dude.
And then I'm like, I woke up.
Here's my, it's like a six foot text.
And then it's like, great.
Just like in the beginning, I woke up.
I've done that before.
I have that with friends, too.
And you're like, shit, how about these people?
This drives me crazy. And there's a person in my life who does it
But I want to just as I want to get back to them, but they text
Each thought is a separate text I
Fucking
But I miss it. I'll be like this
I'm in Seattle. That's one text with my wife. That's another text. Going to pick up the kids.
That's another text.
I got a shit and it's like,
I'm like, that's one fucking text.
And it's usually, you know what,
I hate about those people is that it's usually
when they're available.
So you might text them a couple days before,
I'm about something else,
and they don't respond at all,
but when they're, they basically want to have
a phone conversation through text.
You see those people, they're like, hey, I have they basically want to have a phone conversation through text,
you see those people, they're like,
hey, I have time now, so I'll go back and forth,
and I'll just keep hitting you with rapid fire text,
and you're like, well, now I'm in the middle of something.
I would much rather do the phone call.
Yes, 100%.
And then you think they're done with their thought,
but so you respond to one thing,
but then they send another text,
and then your response becomes like almost inappropriate
and they say, next thing. Well, then it's like, and then I got hit by it.
Oh shit.
But now there's a delay.
Well, there's a thing that you respond to the text.
You press reply to this.
Yeah, that's that.
That looks so visually confusing.
But then if you notice that while you respond to one of the texts, they're under the cloud,
they are, they're writing other texts.
So you're like, I'm spending the time to hold down the text
to reply and I'm missing part of the conversation.
I hate both in some ways, because phone call I hate,
because when you're on the phone,
you're seeing stuff happening and you can't respond to it.
Like they're talking, but the fucking bird just flew
into my forehead and then my mother's pants fell down
and my dad's gay,
and there's all this stuff happening.
And I can't, it's a big day, but I can't concentrate
on what they're saying.
So you're like, fuck, but then texting is similar too,
because you have to keep pausing the movie.
Sure.
So we shouldn't communicate.
We just all should just mine around business
and not talk to anybody.
Well, this is my favorite form of communication.
And like a lot of the times I'm getting texts while yes
I like that's how I catch it with my parents and
but
We you know, you know talking in the moment with buddies and stuff and then you'll get texts from other people and you're like
Well, I don't want to do this right now. I'm living in the moment with friends. His parents have a podcast called my son has a big dick
Big all block out the sun.
I got the sun.
Well, we had everyone came over yesterday the other day.
Sunday, you guys were not everyone.
You guys.
And Jimmy McDade.
It was, it was, it was a so enjoyable.
It was a great head.
But I started to get into my head
because I was worried we were too loud.
Cause in New York, everything you're in the backyard,
especially with comedians,
cause it's like, and then he raped her.
It was crazy.
Like, it's all crazy, Joe.
And there's like 500 people living around you.
So I got in my head a little bit.
You know why?
I kind of thought of that as well when we were in the back.
So I'm like, oh yeah, I wonder who else is around.
But I didn't care.
Once we heard, there was some guy in one of your buildings
near you that was screaming bloody murder
about a football game
and I'm like, all right, we're fine.
Nobody's paying attention.
That's a great point.
It's video games.
He plays video games all night.
Oh.
Motherfucker.
Gah!
He just screams.
He's like the Leroy guy.
Really?
Yeah, all night.
Oh, I can't hear him from our place.
Yeah, I don't understand.
That's weird, but you're right there.
You're like right next door to him.
I haven't heard him, but he's definitely closer to us
And we keep trying to get you to hear us fucking and nothing
The
DICK is here
Open trunk
But that's why I didn't feel as bad and because of the city there's so much noise
I have construction going on next to me and I want I every day I
there's so much noise. I have construction going on next to me
and I, every day, I've screamed at them in my apartment
to nobody just because just to get it out
because I know they're just working.
Like they're not doing it on purpose
but it seems so, it seems so deliberate.
It feels personal.
Yes.
100% and I'm ready to like jump out my window.
And your manual labor phase.
I am.
Yeah, I should be on their side.
I know.
Well, I want to throw that some topics
here that I wrote down, which is embarrassing.
No, it's not. But it's Halloween season.
Yeah. And folks, that topic,
the funniest thing I've ever heard you say bad.
No, good. No, I thought this is a good
topic. I thought it was fine. But I do.
Rismiss is around the court. I mean this is a good topic. I thought it was fine, but I do. Rismisses around the court.
I mean Halloween is something.
Well, sometimes if you don't have a topic,
I'm the host.
Normally I'm just over there.
Shoe-pouring.
Yeah.
Making the show worth listening.
I'm making it listenable.
But now I have the host, so I have to keep
the catalyst to the conversation.
You gotta give us the sale.
Yeah, facilitate.
Facilitate and masturbate under the table.
That's when you don't get taxed for the come.
That's not bad, under the table.
I liked it.
One time, Bobby and I got in a fight
because he was talking about the seller
and he's like, you make money, cash, cash money.
And I'm like, that's not what that means.
Right? I'm right. It's like they hand you cash. But the. That's not what that means. Right?
I'm right.
It's like they hand you cash.
But the stuff you're not.
Cash is like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cash is like in a double bag, pick under a table.
Yeah, yeah.
See, Bob, I won that argument from nine years ago that only a psychopath would remember.
It's physically cash.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
I'm like, well, you're using that word weird straight
straight, incorrectly.
I don't know.
Why did I take that moment to bring up an argument?
I don't know.
You've got the big chair.
Does Bobby listen when we guest host?
Well, he listened to this?
Probably not, right?
I don't think so.
No, I can't imagine he does.
Why do you think you're gonna get in?
Yeah, this is my audition.
By the way, I cannot imagine how hard you would laugh
watching Bobby Kelly.
Steve just dies laughing.
Oh yeah.
And Bobby's the funniest.
I imagine you shitting all over your pants.
I opened for you at the main room and he did a drop in.
The main room.
The main seller.
Yeah, and Kate was on it too, I think.
It was us and Kate and then Bobby to drop in and it was hysterical.
He crushes.
He cried.
Weird.
But other than that, I haven't seen him live.
Well, you make quite an impression.
Uh-huh.
Never asked to do the show.
But Halloween.
Yeah, what's your question about Halloween?
Did you have one written down?
You just wanted to say the word.
Just Halloween season.
We can move on. We can't have a type of camp. Well, here's your question about Halloween? Did you have one written down? You just wanted to say the word. Just Halloween season.
We can move on.
I'm a type of kid.
Well, here's the thing.
I can start it like this.
I'm not a huge Halloween guy.
Really?
I'm like, I'm a Halloween.
No, and a lot, most people are.
And I'm not.
I just assume you can't watch scary movies,
because you're 11.
Steve is unable to watch a horror movie.
I can watch the ones that mess with your head, like the psych watch.
Like mid-Somar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I won't watch either.
If there's a bad guy, I can do it.
A bad guy?
Like if there's a candy man.
Like if there's a candy man.
You can't watch candy man.
I can't, I can watch.
That's all you eat is candy.
I'm with you, Steve.
I don't, I'm not a third-party guy.
I'm with you, Waka.
I'm with you, I can watch that. Is that because if there's I'm with you guys. I'm with you guys. Come watch that.
Is that because if there's one bad guy,
you're like, well, that guy won't get me.
So, you just fight him off with your dick.
Yeah.
But everybody trips and scaring boobies.
It's gonna send the trip over.
Doesn't every war move you have a bad guy?
Now, but some of them are just supposed to be like
psychological.
So, like mess with your brain and you're,
and like, I won't be able to go to bed.
So, give me some examples
like
How Halloween like Michael Myers Halloween's good for you. It's good
What's the example of when that fucks with your mind? Oh mid mid so marve
I won't watch it. I can't do it. I started it. Don't you think like the Halloween's like they're not that scary
Like they're not like anymore like Like once you get, once the,
once it's like beyond your time
and it doesn't feel real,
it feels like an oldie movie.
That's when a scary movie is perfect for me
is when it's old and like goofy to watch.
Yeah.
Like you can see the wad,
the zipper to the costume.
Right.
So I have to watch it years later.
I got you.
Yeah. After a few years,
zippers become visible in movie. Like you watch Wizard of Oz all zippers. It's very old.
Is that really true? No, I thought maybe you could see the older it gets. Maybe as they
restore them and the definition gets better, you can see. Oh, I see. Yeah.
Sounds like these are slurs, by the way.
You ever see great outdoors?
Yeah.
Great outdoors has like multiple mistakes.
You can see that when the bear comes into the cabin,
you can see the trainers stick waving in front of the bell.
That's hilarious.
And then at one point when Dan Akhride runs over
and they're supposed to be running away from something,
you don't completely go away.
You seem to go one, two, three.
Real run. Yeah.
It's oh, wow.
Is it else scary movies?
I like I like scary movies.
Really?
Most people do.
And then I remind myself not to watch them anymore.
And then I do again.
It's like a maybe this time.
It'll be like like momentum for scary movies.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But the scariest movie I ever saw was the original
Omen with Gregory Peck. You see that that's a scary movie scare the shit. Yeah, I mean you read all this stuff like weird stuff
Was happening during the production like it was like a haunted
Whole like project. Did you have that like
Crash to like someone's died. Yes. Yes. Yes, I remember hearing about that stuff.
Oh, yeah.
I thought that movie was about my mom's sex life.
Oh, man.
Well, this has been fun, Joe.
Where's the bombed in her?
Is it around her?
Or?
As I was saying, I was like, I knew I was fucked.
I was like, oh, man, I didn't even make sense.
It sucked.
That was horrible.
But you have an answer to our,
are you a huge scary movie guy?
I like scary movie, this is a problem.
I like scary movies.
I like a movie that elicits anything.
I like to feel spooked and creeped out.
My problem with horror movies is after an hour,
they try to explain it and it just becomes shit.
Once they explain, I'm like, oh,
it's always like the devil. Oh my god, I don't, oh, it's always like, the devil.
Get outta here, the devil.
That's why I like the movie, The Strangers,
which is like people show up and kill you.
I won't watch that one.
That's spooky.
I can't do that.
That's scary.
Someone comes in the house and intruder.
That's the scariest one ever.
And there's a movie that's an old movie
and I saw it when it was already old
called Race with the Devil.
Have you guys ever heard of this movie with Peter Fonda?
No.
And I won't give it away, but like,
it's pretty freaking the whole time.
And the ending is one of the scariest things I've ever seen.
And that was an old movie, yeah.
But it was one of those kind of things
where it's like real people and you're like,
that freaks, like cults freak me out.
Yeah.
Stuff like that.
Did you see Martha, Macy, whatever the fuck?
No.
What's the name of that?
Can we get a look up on that?
It's called Martha, Macy. I forget the? No. What's the name of that? Can we get a look up on that? It's called Martha Macy.
I forget the order.
It's great.
It's like the hot Olsen sister.
It's fucking great.
It's really creepy.
She's in this Martha Macy May Marlene.
Martha Macy May Marlene.
Martha, yeah, that's what I said.
Martha Macy, sorry.
Oh, it's like 10 years ago.
Yeah, it is fantastic.
And it's like this woman is in,
she gets like involved in the cult
and she's trying to get out,
but there's these fucking spooky scenes
where she goes to like live with her sister.
And so she's swimming and then you just see
like the fucking cult leader guy on the rock.
Anything where there's a guy across the way is great.
Yeah.
But it's really real.
Now what's she play?
Martha, Macy, Mayor, Marlene. I don't even know what the
title means, frankly, but she's hot. Thank you. And the other twins are the two of them. They're like a
creepy. Yeah, the bonds just. I was trying to think of a fourth Olsen, someone named Olsen. I only
recently realized she's the Olsen twins sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah, close my mind. I'm a huge Olsen twins
fan. Really? Yeah, I like her way. Wait close my mind. I'm a huge Olsen twins fan.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, I like her way.
Wait, for real?
I'm like obsessed with it.
Because when I was a kid, I was a huge fan.
And then you're just like,
You'll need to be, oh, because they're the movies.
You're not a whole house.
Yeah. Oh, no, I loved full house too.
They had their own movies for a year.
Right.
But for those long garments,
remember they were like made themselves a billion dollar?
Yeah.
They were like billionaires.
I had the Barbies.
They had Barbies?
Oh yeah.
Really?
I didn't know.
So you like, at this point, is it ironic
or you're just like an nostalgic?
I'll just, if I saw them, I'd be really star-struck.
Yeah, like I'm thinking.
Oh, I saw one of them once.
I went out with, um, what's his tits?
Adam Glyn.
You know Adam?
Yeah, the TMZ guy.
He works for TMZ and I bumped into him the street
and he's like, let's go out.
And one of the Olsen twins was there.
She walked by.
Which one?
I don't know.
Left one, right one.
Uh, um, um, that's really funny.
Um, I don't know which one.
But, you know, I heard that TMZ took a picture
and then they just photoshopped the other one in.
Oh, that's really funny too
No one laughed
Wow, it's like it's not laugh funny. It's like oh wow Steve
It's humorous. Yeah
Next time text back me go left you can see why I don't answer
That's really interesting about the texting back though because someone I said this the other day
But I heard through the grapevine from another comic that Steve's big time in people.
And I said,
I'm not big time in,
because I'm as big as it gets in your phone book.
I'm not big time in,
because everyone that we're talking about,
I respect greatly.
Let me ask you this,
Brian Regan texts you.
How long you waiting?
3.5 seconds.
Yeah.
I mean, that,
you can,
you're not split.
Even that is,
it's very, I'm like,
I don't believe it.
I'm gonna try.
I'm gonna try and reagan right now.
Hold on, hold on.
Also, I'm not joking.
I think the big dick thing is part of the reason.
I'm convinced.
I have zero self-esteem.
But you don't, you have,
you have, you know, you're gonna be okay.
You have very deep.
You have very deep.
You have very deep.
I have phoned.
I just heard that.
Yeah.
What did he say?
He said very deep.
I, I don't know, I, I, I get very, very caught up in it.
I get nervous about that.
But Mark is like that too, because I've been trying to start,
that's like Mark did years ago.
He did his like, uh, he did late night and the comedy central
and then opened at like some big theater or something.
And I was like, this is like the greatest day of, let's celebrate. And so I set up a late night and a comedy central and then opened at like some big theater or something. And I was like, this is like the greatest day of,
let's celebrate.
And so I set up a hang with like a bunch of comics.
I'm like, Mark did Conan, his half hour came out,
and then I think he opened for Amy or something.
And I was like, that has to be the greatest
like 24 hour period in the history of comedy.
We're gonna celebrate.
It's the kind of guy I am,
got together all his friends to meet at a diner.
I know it's coming.
And the morning of, he's like,
forgot I got a gig in Florida,
have a good time, and I had a card.
I literally got a card with people to sign it and stuff.
And he's like, I'm off to Florida, I forgot.
I'm like, you forgot, you were going to Florida today,
but it's that thing, he doesn't have it in him to be like,
I can't do that day.
Right.
And I expect from that kid, from you I don't expect.
Well, yeah, he's handsome and successful.
All I've been, you know.
All I've been thinking about is you guys talking about it.
So I've been working on it.
Well, okay, that's good, I guess.
Yeah.
You can paint, like I just got a,
I got a new phone and you can pin the conversations up of the people.
But why do you need a pin?
It's about human beings.
It's about, you know, caring.
I don't see, I think my thing is I don't see the human in the phone.
It's, you know what I mean?
Well, let me ask you this.
What it goes through your head, like, when you get a text,
and I guess it's only on request stuff.
That's what you're saying.
Somebody's like, yeah, can you do this thing? You're like, you
shut down. You're like, I can't even. I get nervous that I'm not going to do well and
uh, or uh, that it's a mistake. No, you're playing this off that you're a sweet, sweet boy.
You don't care about people. Is about what's your, what is your, your response time as
far as a text goes? It's, it's very erratic. Yeah, it's all over the place.
Everything about me is all over the place.
But usually I'm pretty good at responding.
I don't think I have big time anyone.
I could have ended at erratic.
I would have been fine.
What do you mean erratic?
Everything about you is erratic?
What do you mean?
Yeah, I don't, I'm sometimes I'm really early.
Sometimes I'm late.
I don't stick to anything.
I'm always sort of shifting around.
I feel like that's healthy.
And I don't know who I am.
Oh, this got really changed. I feel like that's healthy. And I don't know who I am.
Oh, this got really changed forces there.
You went to 60 on that.
Oh, well.
But I think that's like out here.
And I need help.
I'm very unwell right now.
This is one of my podcast dude, you know, call center.
I feel like you're good at getting back to me at least.
Recently, I've gotten good at like saying no
and like getting over the anxiety.
That's what you're always saying to me. Yeah, I'd rather yes, like saying no and like getting over the anxiety. That's what you're saying to me.
I'd rather yes, no, absolutely not.
I said no, but it's better to just disappoint people right away, then to wait and then not
only disappoint them, but change their plans.
Yes.
And also, I think there's a difference like it's me going, hey, can you do this thing?
And you're saying no, that's one thing.
But like, I think the idea, I think there is something
in like, as far as industry stuff goes,
or like, gig stuff goes, and the power of no is actually a thing.
I really do believe that's a thing.
We're like, turning that down actually gives you more power.
I think that you think is in your real house to turn down.
I've done that a couple of times and felt great after I do it.
But I do, but you have to respond when you're doing it.
I want to do the thing, and then I can. Oh, you really think you're like, I'm gonna suck on this so I can't do it. But I do, but you have to respond when you're good. But I want to do the thing and then I can.
Oh, you really think you're like, I'm going to suck on this so I can't do it.
Really?
Well, that's a fear of all the time, but like when you, I really couldn't do them and I wanted
to do them and I, saying no, still felt like the bad thing to do.
Right.
Okay.
I'm not saying it's the right thing.
Yeah, that's why I feel.
No, I know what you mean.
I've had it many times when people write something,
sometimes someone writes something really long and nice
and you're like, I'm not in the headspace
to respond to this right now.
So then you're like, I'll do that later
because I'm running around.
Or sometimes you're on a podcast
and you just read it and you should,
here's the thing I don't like about text.
Emails, you can mark as unread.
So you can read an email, then mark as unread.
So there's still a little thing there,
but text you can't do that.
Now, so it's hard.
Sometimes I have lots of text that I'll screenshot
to be like, let me remember that by screenshot it,
but you'll only remember if you look at your photos.
So there is a lot of times where you're just doing something.
Like right now I have texts,
but I'm in the middle of a podcast,
so I'll forget to. But they do have the thing where you can flag doing something. Like right now I have texts, but I'm in the middle of a podcast, so I'll forget to.
But they do have the thing where you can flag them though.
I think you can flag.
Oh, I don't have a lot of text.
I think you can put the pins, right?
The pins are what you need.
You flag it.
You're flag.
You think that's a design purposefully,
so you have to respond right away
to keep you on your phone more
because if you could mark it as unread,
could be.
You could just have more freedom.
Did you know, and if you listen
to Mindful Metal Jacket,
where I interviewed Catherine Price, author of,
how to break up with your phone,
and you guys have all been on Mindful Metal Jacket.
Yes.
All the terrific.
Steve Twice is a bell twice.
Sean once.
Ooh.
What the hell?
That's, yeah.
Well, if you had done better, maybe.
But you're not as big of a head case of her.
Have you heard of Something more comedian like,
you just, it's a podcast about mental health
and you just told me I didn't do a good job.
And so fucked up.
No, I'm so, first up.
I'm no kidding.
Maybe if you were funny,
you're on my mental health podcast
and you're doing too well.
You're doing too well in life.
These two are a wealth of material
in the mental,
these people who are very nice to me.
I thought we had a very nice conversation.
People have messaged me about my appearance
on podcast.
That's really nice.
Yeah, I guess you weren't that impressed,
but other people won't have you back.
You know what, I'm busy that day.
I'm not gonna write back to this conversation.
You seem so happy and well adjusted.
I'm not.
I'm a fucking mess. Everybody's a mess. I know. I seem so happy and well-adjusted. I'm not. I'm a fucking mess.
Everybody's a mess.
I know.
I'm a mess and a hair.
But you're always like this,
hey, what's up?
All right.
You know what I mean?
These two, two e-hors over here.
You take it as volume equals mental health.
Yes.
Yeah, you're thinking,
no, I'm in my head.
We've talked about, I'm in my head.
Of course.
Constantly.
We talked about it on Mindful Metal Jacket.
Stop plugging the thing only did once
Wait, but I'm gonna say this thing about this phone business price
Catherine Price was a new book coming out called the benefits of fun or fun thing. I'm gonna try to interview her again
I want to have her own fun
Your de mental lead challenged
I'm hanging out too much. He's fucking haunts are killing me
But she talked about how,
I thought this was really interesting,
and maybe we talked about this.
Gum sales, gum, GUM, have gone down plummeted
because of smartphones, and the reason is,
everybody in line is looking at their phone.
So there's no impulse.
So no one goes, oh, look at gum.
I'm gonna get some gum.
Candy bars too.
Gum, candy, all that stuff under the register has all dipped
because everyone's looking at their phone
until it's time to go to the register.
You know what you do?
You know you solve that problem.
You get a little speaker for all the packs of gum
that says, hey, I'm gum.
Wow, what a great idea.
Yeah, you got Steve. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow, you caught Steve.
Oh, man.
That'll get it.
Sound you can't deny.
I don't know where there was a talking pack of gum.
You wouldn't go holy shit.
Look at that talking pack of gum.
I guess I would.
I'd be like, boy, I'm glad you're in my orbit.
That's a gum.
It's not a bits.
My orbits.
I've got a couple of sneakers.
Hey, it's gum season. What's everyone's favorite kind of gum? I've got a gum. It's not a bits, my or bits. Um, there's got a couple of snickers. Hey, it's gum season.
What's everyone's favorite kind of gum?
It's a gum phobia.
I never had gum, but the smell grosses me out.
You've never had gum?
I've never had it.
I won't touch it.
I won't touch the wrapper.
I won't touch the wrapper.
I've never had anything that touched the wrapper.
I'm really afraid of gum.
Are you concerned about your breath?
There's no, should I be?
No, you don't have to.
We've had this talk before where you've been bitching about someone else's breath. There's no, should I be? No, you don't have. We've had this talk before where
you've been bitching about someone else's breath. Oh, really? Oh, no, you're like, I feel
like my breath smells really bad. I'm always worried about my breath. And I always feel like
it's your way of saying my breath smells bad. No, I would, I would say, would you? No,
I breath, I feel like my breath smells like yours. I would never say that. But so you've
never had gum. It's Never been in my mouth.
Real?
Wow.
Wow.
Gumver.
What's the closest you've ever gotten to having gum?
I bet you've probably kissed someone who was chewing gum.
Yeah.
It was a Charleston chew.
I kissed someone who had who had been chewing it recently
and I was grossed out because I could taste it.
So would you rather kiss someone that's just smoked a cigarette
or just chewed gum?
A cigarette.
Wow. Yeah. Would you smoke? No, but I'm not grossed out by smoke. So would you rather kiss someone that's just smoked a cigarette or just chewed gum? Cigarette. Whoa!
Yeah, that's great.
You smoked?
Hands down.
No, but I'm not grossed out by smoke.
Like, it's just like, it feels fine.
I have talked about this before.
I try to do a bit about this.
Sarah and I, when we were in Paris, when you're in Paris, you smoke because it's what Parisians
do.
Still?
Yeah, it's fun.
So we bought a pack of cigarettes, but they got the crazy packs too, with like dead baby
feet and like, like, a couple of things.
Oh, yeah, which actually should probably be effective. Or. Yeah, I imagine. So we bought a pack of cigarettes, but they got the crazy packs too, with like dead baby feet and like, like a great one.
Yeah, which actually is probably effective.
Or, yeah, I imagine,
but everyone in Europe smokes.
People don't give you anymore
because they're on their phones.
That's pretty good.
That was pretty good,
but the problem is you were making a face like this.
I mean, that's what took from the joke.
You delivered it like you were like,
I'll work it in a new bit face.
Yeah, you did like dumb and dumb and
were they given the hot peppers?
Oh, I'm there.
You were like, what a treat up in Della.
But we bought,
cause I wanted to shoot up a whole telly.
Yeah, yeah.
So my favorite line from the movie.
You know what I'm gonna tell you.
We bought cigarettes and sarah smoked and
with that night we were having satin.
I was like, make it, it was like sexy
because it was different.
She had like nasty, shitty smoke or breath and I was kinda like, that's kinda hot. Well, it probably was like making it, it was sexy because it was different. She had nasty, shitty smoke of breath
and I was kinda like, that's kinda hot.
Well, it probably felt like having sex
with a different person.
Yeah, that's, yeah.
Right, and that's how we got on.
Like a gross person.
Like it's like smoke role play.
Mm-hmm, absolutely.
Yeah, I associated with like partying and being an hour
and being like, being an hour.
It's like, and what about smoking?
No, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no thought I'd talk about gum. No, no, gum gross just
gross. So just gross. What is it? Yeah, sorry. What is it? That's gross. A smell. I'm very
sent. Like I feel nauseous when I smell it. Any, any flavor. Weird. Really? Since I was
a little kid, I don't know what happened to me. Like if someone like what about a hurt
me? Yeah, what happened? What's it got molested by? Maybe. Yeah, yeah. to get molested by maybe the candy man? Yeah, this is the candy man.
She give bubble tape.
Yeah.
Um,
did you,
what about a chewing tobacco?
Well, that's,
I've never encountered anyone chewing tobacco.
She worked on the docs.
Oh, I've been around people to do it.
That's hilarious.
Yeah, it's about fucking relief pitchers.
I'm out of my league baseball.
I'm 1976. But it has the tube, you know, you got the two aspects. Yeah, it's about fucking the relief pictures 1976
But it has the tube that you know you got the two aspects. I was just wondering. Yeah, chewing tobacco. You don't chew chewing tobacco
It's just in your mouth. What about out?
Yeah, let's grow but I don't do it won't do it. Okay, okay less gross
So when you
So be so the same kind of along same lines, mouthwash has a smell
that could be gum-like as well.
What about mouthwash?
I recently got used to mouthwash.
You're going to puke right now.
If I brush my teeth too long, I start gagging.
Wow.
What about like, yeah, it's like, really serious.
It's got to be the mint, something with mint.
But it's also cinnamon gum that's the worst one.
That's cinnamon gum! favorite this hurt lyric ever
I prefer Lucas Harvey. Can we talk about this before? I
Cinnamon gum
Fucking so funny
So my friend Lucas Harvey thought they were singing cinnamon gum. Wait, he legitimately thought yeah, yeah
And share
Oh
What are they actually singing? Oh, we should have been gone. I. Oh, Jerry.
What are they actually singing?
Oh, we should have been gum.
I should have been gum.
I think it should have been gum.
Should have been gum.
Yeah.
A cinnamon gum.
A chewing gum.
That's fun.
Now, what about, I mean, it's hard to not take this into dirty places.
And I want to be respectful, but rhymes with gum also gross.
Is that a huge adversion?
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
You don't like this thing.
That's cinnamon.
What do you think?
I don't think it tastes like cinnamon.
That's natural.
I think that's something about the artificial flavor.
There's something in my...
Is there a food?
Is there foods like this?
Not really.
So it's just gum.
It's just like candy and gum.
Okay, so candy.
But not chocolate's fine.
No, I see what you're saying.
This is getting to be psychotic.
What about like cinnamon on something?
Natural cinnamon's fine.
You're fine, but it's like the cinnamon chemical
that's throwing it all up.
You're sticking with the flavor.
It's not the flavor, because you went from mint to cinnamon.
Well, but not flavor.
It's, but it's not.
No, I've never had it.
What have you had something else?
I had something similar in texture,
but a taffy.
That's why I went with gum.
I like caramel and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
What about lollipop?
Never had one.
Because the gum thing similar?
Yeah, it's like, I don't know, the smell.
Wow.
Needless to say, I didn't have a good Halloween growing.
This is so interesting.
M&Ms.
Love M&Ms. Well, it's chocolate. But I don't like skittles. I don't like a good Halloween growing up. This is so interesting. M&Ms. Love M&Ms.
Well, it's chocolate.
But I don't like skittles.
I don't like skittles either.
Skittles have a simple, dumbish type thing.
What about taffy?
Never had it.
I know what you also, Mike and I.
Taffy?
Not a fan, Mike and I, Mike and I, they're the gelatin.
Maybe, yeah.
Mmm.
This is interesting.
Fruit roll up.
Never had it.
Yeah, you wouldn't like a fruit roll.
I don't like that either.
Fruit roll, I can, I'm kind of getting where you're at now,
because it's the fruit thing.
You have the fruit thing.
I hate fruit.
I like fruit.
I don't want fruit in beer or fruit.
You don't want to flavor it.
Or flavor it.
Yeah, just pure fruit.
But I like fun dip, like grape fun dip.
That's just like sugar.
Pick these sticks.
That's like just powdered sugar.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
I don't know how we're not. I had so much fun dip as a kid. Oh. I had a childhood sugar. Yeah, that's interesting. I don't know how we're not,
I had so much fun dip as a kid.
Oh, childhood diabetes.
Yeah, yeah, no, I mean,
I had every tooth had a cavity in it.
Yeah, fun dip was the best.
And Pixie said, I had those big like,
Steve Rogers as fucking guzzling.
That's Pixie's death.
It's like when people would grab the wrong thing.
But I'm like that.
I'm like that with like,
jello's like that.
Jello, people do jello shots,
that kind of flavor.
I just can't have in my mouth,
that texture of like,
like artificial fruit flavored things.
Yeah, or the gelatin,
any kind of like,
yeah,
that kind of,
so what did you do with a miconix?
No, I never had a miconix.
So then you would hate it.
There would be like, right up.
Yeah.
Any kind of fruit candy.
I guess I'd like cherry things.
That's a fruit.
Yeah.
Carries an easy one.
Like cherry.
And cherries like everybody loves cherry lifesavers.
Cherry people love.
Yeah, cherry food.
I mean, you get, when you get,
I like to play pineapple.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Pineapple people don't look at.
Pineapple makes your, mm-hmm, tastes good, apparently.
Jizz.
I love pineapple the fruit. Yes. Jizz, your gum. Your gum.
Your gum will be fruit.
Yes.
What about gum in my mouth?
So, for regular fruit, you're fine.
Regular, I got a fine,
I'm swallowing a hot load fine.
Oh gum.
Wow.
That is fascinating to me,
because to me, that would be like,
if, I don't know,
maybe I'm crazy in the quating,
but the idea of being like,
I can't have gum in my mouth.
I feel like, semen is really a redness.
Right, I'm like, oh, I don't like gum.
They're like, you don't like gum.
And I'm like gum.
Huh?
But I also just hear you.
I've talked about this before a lot.
Come to me and run on the only man I've ever gotten
to be like, yeah.
To me, I'm jealous of the idea of like going down
and there's a definitive moment of like, I did it.
Yes, like if you're eating someone out,
you're like, you're like,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
it's a fun gizmo, you feel it, it shoots in there.
You never made a woman squat?
Not squat, squat is piss.
Is that definitive?
Yes, I mean, this is an age old debate,
but yes, it's a mixture of piss and whatever.
But no, I mean, I've made women come, I think.
That's what I'm told.
That's what she said, her back bent,
her eyes closed and stuff, and she shit her pants.
That's something else.
I think that's a seizure.
Um, but you know, get the, you know what I mean?
Do you guys know what I mean?
You're men.
Yeah.
You want it fun to have something like explode
and you're like, ah, that was a combination.
You want a combination?
No.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination.
A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination. A combination.. I know that move. I've done that move. I see what you're saying, but
Like within the realm of what it is. I'm not you know the one act is a track between the other one isn't
But the finishing of it. Yeah, I think it's you're almost like with women have take their word for it or you're like or you're basically Of a visual you're saying guys. You're like you did it like it's almost like yeah carnival game
You're like whoa there it was like wouldn't it be fun if you went down on a woman
and she just shot some delicious goo
in the back of your mouth?
I don't know if it's delicious goo first.
Oh, I know it is.
I'm a bum.
Uh-uh.
Just kidding.
Um, I don't eat my own gizz.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
You have a very sultry look at the gizz.
What?
I've never eaten my own gizz.
I love my own gizz. And you give like a weird like side that. I've never eaten my own gizz. I've never eaten my own gizz.
You gave a weird like, side eye.
I have to use that on the face.
Just kidding.
Let's clean it up.
Yeah.
What are we doing here?
Halloween is coming up.
Costumes.
What's your, yeah, give me some childhood costumes.
Steve, you wrote down a couple Halloween stories
on the train while I was talking to you.
I'm gonna, I'm real quick, hold on a minute.
All right.
I, once I'm addressed, I was Godzilla for Halloween.
And I only took them.
And Godzilla famously is green.
And the whole thing, you know what, Godzilla looks like.
I show up to school and everyone thought I was Barney.
Who is purple?
Oh, right.
And I was like, I don't know, five or six.
I was furious.
See, that's because they thought you were like retarded.
Like, they thought you picked the wrong color.
Like, they just assumed you wanted to be Barney
but don't know what color Barney is, right?
Right, and my mom made this costume
and had like sharp teeth and red eyes
to look like Godzilla.
I had the spikes on the back and everything.
And everyone's like, oh, you're Barney.
This is so great.
That sucks.
And I had like claws and everything.
White claws.
What?
What Barney have you seen where he looks like he's
gonna destroy a small well to be fair you seem like a guy who likes Barney now. So. But you're the
one who likes Barney. I did a fun Barney bit. It was so funny. God. That was the best bit I've
ever seen. We have to describe it a little bit. I can't do my own. I don't know if I'm going to describe it well.
We saw in the window, we were just walking here,
Barney on a TV's and little kids watching it.
And Joe got all excited.
We were talking and having a normal conversation.
And then you just have to go,
Bernie, Bernie, Bernie,
and it was the funniest thing.
I was like, I'm gonna say.
Thanks, guys.
I wouldn't think you would ever do that ever.
I'm a little bit nervous.
I was fun.
Well, you were Barney a thing?
No, I was too young to Barney.
I was too old for Barney as well.
Too young.
I love Barney.
Yeah, you guys are more in the bar,
because you guys are the same age.
That was more passionate than the Olsen twins.
So the best thing ever for Isabelle is Barney
and the Olsen twins, not chewing gum.
Wow, that's the best thing for Barney, too.
Can you, Steve, can you shut the door?
Sean's a slob, but it looks weird.
It's gonna look weird on camera.
I'm sorry, I apologize.
I apologize.
You could see a knife.
All right, I'm sorry.
That's terrible.
This isn't the most professional set up anyway.
What are you kidding?
We got liemines.
I mean, this is, but not, you know, you kind of, yeah.
What are you talking about?
I think I'm doing a fantastic job.
I'm, I mean, Halloween,, Halloween with gum, the other things,
leaves the piece.
You go, you go Halloween, it's coming up.
Well, I was getting somewhere and then you took over.
You tried to out host me.
Son of an onion, I got costume.
We got this Godzilla Barney bullshit.
Yeah.
I was also, I was Cooper for Halloween once,
who nobody in my age range knows.
I mean, you're literally picking costumes from like the 40s.
I also heard that you were Milton Burle, I won.
Well, it was an accurate.
It was double-e fun.
Yeah.
I had to trim it down for it.
But I was Alice Cooper twice in a row
and nobody knew who the hell I was.
I was such a loser.
Wow.
Who do they think you were?
Like Howard Stern or something?
The Crow.
Oh, the Crow.
They thought I was the Crow.
That's funny.
I might say that Isabel doesn't know who Alice Cooper is now.
Yeah.
She's like, who is she?
Exactly.
You're right.
I don't know.
He's a rock star from the 70s.
Yeah.
And he was like insanely famous.
Oh, he's like, I.
Yeah.
I started as like a band name,
but then he just picked up,
he just kept the band name.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then he kind of became famous
for just showing up randomly in movies and TVs.
Like, it was like, it was like a non-secret or joke.
That would be like, it's like Alice Cooper
and then he just comes in and says a line and walks out.
Now he's famous for golfing.
Oh yeah, he's like your favorite artist.
He's one of my fit of all time, yeah.
You think that's a thing with old rock stars,
you think you should just die earlier than they do
because then you just gotta become,
you have so much, make so much money.
You become, you become everything
that you've been rallying against for 30 years.
Yeah, it's hard not to.
I don't want to be dying.
I'm just saying like, it's weird to see Alice Cooper with the same hair and face in a fucking
golf shirt.
Well, he, I have respect for his golf addiction because he was a raging alcoholic and he
had to replace his addiction with golf.
Okay, Steve, so on the ass off.
Yeah, it's, that's really fucked up, Sean.
I mean, the guy had serious problems, Sean.
He was like, I didn't know he was such a...
He was such a rock star.
He had to, being a golfer is rock and roll.
It's the only way to quit drinking.
You have to take up golf a lot.
You guys don't know that, Adich.
I had no idea.
I actually like Dallas-Crew, I'm just saying like,
it's weird that you're like,
I'm a rebel and then you're like,
hey, so you guys is the club?
Like a golf club?
No, it's hard.
They all become conservative,
because they have millions of dollars.
Exactly.
When I keep their money.
I guess, yeah, I know what you're saying.
It's weird to see them as old men.
Yeah.
Like even like Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols,
like he still kind of has that vibe,
but he'll say some things.
You're like, shouldn't you probably just died in like 90s or something like, like, like not to
be a dick, but it's kind of kind of true.
I don't want him to die.
I'm just saying as an idea, right, right.
If you live long enough, you become the antithesis of yourself.
Absolutely.
Oh, see yourself become the villain.
Like 90.
I'm going to be obsessed with the dark night.
Are you trying to reference Batman?
No, was that a reference?
Oh, no, that's how Steve took it, I think.
And I felt like I was like, I'm more of my species.
What is the line again for Batman?
Either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
Yes.
Yeah, I should have written Batman.
You should have pretended to not know it exactly.
Like, oh, it's something like you can't the villain or something.
I wasn't referencing a horrible movie.
No, it's a good movie.
It's fun.
Uh-oh.
Halloween, you got any weird Halloween bad costumes, moments.
Did you love Halloween as a kid?
No, I did love it as a kid and I gave up on it pretty quick.
All I know is I have a sad story.
One time I was going to, I was supposed to go to a Halloween party
and I was dressed as a grito.
A grito, I dressed up like a grito.
I was going to be like 13, 12 or something.
And I never got picked up for the, my friends forgot to take pictures.
So I was just really upset almost in tears in my house waiting to get picked up in like
full on gel.
Oh.
With a gold chain and a bad grito outfit.
Just sitting there looking ass-hull.
That's the only like Halloween thing I remember right now.
Wow. You should be out in my female jacket.
You should stay in there looking like a horse's head.
What are you saying?
Oh, I'm making a terrible pun.
Oh, throw it out there.
I'll dress up with nowhere Guido.
Oh!
Hey, that was fantastic.
That's the best one of the day.
That was fantastic.
That was very good.
Good job.
Do you know what it's like?
I'll revved up with no place to go. You must love
that, right? I don't know that one. That's Meatloaf. Oh, bad out of hell. I fucking love that too. I like
Meatloaf. I don't remember that one. But no, the Saturday night. Oh my god, that song rips. All revved up with no
place to go. Going back to the not texting back because you're anxious
I've told this story before this is like this is the saddest weirdest. Yes popped in your head
I can't explain
What happened, but I was we're having I forget what kind of party was. Let's just say a Halloween party for for the sake of conversation and
Does the season to be scary?
We were going to pick up this kid,
this is like an elementary school,
and back then there was like, the Google maps.
So he just said, I live at the house
right next to the school, our school.
And so we drove my parents and I were going to pick up
this kid who was my friend.
It was my first time ever hanging out.
It was like that moment where we're like,
I think it's gonna be my new friend.
And we went to pick him up.
So we went to the house next to the school.
This is so depressing.
And I went, knocked on the door, and nobody answered.
And so I sat, and then knocked on some more.
And I was like, look at my parents, I gotta know.
Rang the doorbell, knock, look in the windows,
no one was there.
So I went back in the car, and I was like,
yeah, he's not here, I don't know.
And I thought like I'd been stood up, so we were like,
oh well, and we just drove past the school.
And then the next house on the other side of the school,
as we were driving away, I saw the kid sitting on the steps.
Like he's up in that house, and I just didn't say anything.
And I saw him.
And I don't know why I didn't go, oh, stop, stop, stop, stop.
But I think in my head, I had already been like,
I guess he's not coming. And then I just saw him was like, you didn't register. oh, stop, stop, stop, stop. But I think in my head I had already been like, I guess he's not coming and then I just saw him was like,
you didn't register now.
Wow.
And then it was a big thing.
No, I knew it.
I was like, oh, there he is.
But I just didn't have it in me to say to my parents,
I don't know what the fuck happened.
So what happened to you when you see him at school?
So he was like, yeah, his mother called.
My mother was like, he was sobbing and to pray, he was you.
He was like, did you never came and picked him up?
Yeah. And we were like, we knocked on the door and they were like no you didn't
It's really horrible. Wow. Yeah, I feel like I should find them and blow them or something
So wait you guys never reconnected after that no, we went to school
I saw him on Monday and he was like yeah, you never came to pick me up
And I was like we went to the wrong house, but they didn't buy that because they were like what do you mean you went to the wrong house?
And then they got to know that there's more than one house next to the school well
there's exactly one more house but they are like well why wouldn't you come to
the it was so stupid that it didn't make any sense right my
body of mine who is the he lived next to school but it was like a church and
his mom was like pretty rough and
the kids would play in like the the the parking lot would be like they're like where they play and recess and sometimes the ball would play in like the parking lot
would be like they're like where they play and recess
and sometimes the ball would go over into her yard
and she would like curse at the kids
and call the nuns cunts like.
Wow.
His mom is hardcore.
His mom is so hardcore,
one time we were at the bus stop
and we were like 16 years old or 14 years old
whatever it was and she shows up and dropped my friend off,
who looked at that house,
for our school's bus stop,
and drops off my other friend, John,
was smoking a cigarette.
And my friend, Chris's mom goes,
hey, John, I probably shouldn't be doing this,
but can I have a cigarette?
She bumped a cigarette over 14 year old.
That's hilarious.
I would have called them Nunts.
Wow.
Yeah, as well.
You grew up in Manhattan.
What was trick or treating like in Manhattan?
Or did you not trick or treat?
Cause you're too afraid.
Yeah, I hated trick or treating.
I bet.
I hated dressing up.
I always just wanted to.
I always like would like to be in my normal clothes
and look at people and costumes and be like,
oh, there's someone comfortable in their stupid costumes.
And I'm in my, I'm in my sweatpants at home, you know?
So you were like totally contended by that.
Yeah, I would like, but were you?
No, I was.
I, it gave me anxiety and like, can be.
I didn't want to like knock on strangers doors.
Also, I lived in an apartment building with like not at that many units.
So like occasionally I would try to go in my building and like, just people
who didn't have to be sad.
Like I'd be like, I can't costume. And then they just be like just people with who didn't have to be sad.
Like I'd be like a cat costume and they just be like,
oh I didn't know we had trick or treaters in the.
Let me ask you this, maybe this Joe,
maybe this is related to the gum thing, gum Halloween,
candy, looking out, seeing people trick or treating.
You're, you know, maybe you're putting
all your anger into the gum.
Did you hate gumbee?
You don't know who gumbee is.
Yeah.
You don't know who gumbee is? No, I guess that makes sense actually. Really? I've heard the gum. Did you hate gumbee? You don't know who Gumbee is. Yeah. You don't know who Gumbee is?
No, I guess that makes sense, like really?
I've heard the name.
Yeah, I was never, even I was like,
she works with a seller.
Yeah, Gumbee was young, but whatever.
I don't know how that was.
I was never to Gumbee as a kid.
I knew what it was, Gumbee and Pokey,
but I don't think I was like,
oh my God, I'm a huge Gumbee.
But I like Halloween in college,
because then I would just get like shit faced.
And, you know, but as a kid
It was no good. But what about what did you do at howling? Did you watch a scary?
But did you have any kind of festive atmosphere in the house?
I would maybe we'd watch a scary movie or something, but it we weren't a very festive
Family. Oh, that's
Anyway, I
I'm not going to get him bored with that because I'm all the first. I got to the point where I, like, I don't care about Halloween.
Like, I don't, I walk around people on costumes.
Some people go nuts for Halloween.
I like to enjoy all the seasons.
It's life.
I mean, those, the seasons of life are fun.
Thanksgiving is obviously great.
Love Thanksgiving.
Chris, Halloween.
It's like, you don't take that opportunity to have some people over, watch some scary movies.
No, I like that, that Halloween happens, but I like being a spectator.
I don't want to have to do any work and get involved
in the bullshit.
I like being on the outside, just sort of like, serving it.
I just like having some friends over
who watch the scary movie and go, wow, or whatever.
I'm not fucking dressing up and what?
Going like what?
Wow, or whatever.
Yeah, just having a good time.
I feel I'm sorry, but I feel like,
isn't also Halloween is the night of Halloween
is like an enemy to the comedy?
Well, Halloween in New York, yeah, Halloween night,
I'm not going out.
Well, now I go, I have a niece and nephew
that live in Seattle, so I could just go out there
and be with them because they're kids.
So like the joy, they're have different childhoods
than you had.
They have joy in their hearts.
So that's really fun. I take them trick-or-treating
and we dress up in costumes and it's a goddamn blast. That sounds fun to me. Yes.
The Halloween is scary. It's the one night when normal people get creative.
It's a perch. Yeah, and they're in cause I do hate masks. I do remember being here years ago
and like leaving parties and like people in the summer wearing masks just looking at you and it's
really fucked up.
It's like that episode of Louis where he gets chased
by those two guys on Halloween in the city.
Oh yeah.
Everybody's drunk.
We don't really talk about Louis.
He did some crazy stuff.
You see, he was just the had him as a punchline
on the episode.
Yeah, on SNL.
It's like, you mean the guy you had host a couple times?
Yeah, and then you just just like, you know, Bill Cosby and Louis.
And fucking our Kelly and Harvey Weinstein.
Yeah, same thing, right?
Same exact thing.
And I think, yeah, whatever.
Hey, we're coming towards the end of the show.
I want to make sure we get plugs in before everyone leaves.
So we'll have the little stuff after.
Isabel, where can they find you? What's your thing?
It's a some thing you talk now.
Oh sure, follow me on Instagram, I guess,
at Isabel Hagen underscore YouTube.
Isabel Hagen got a web series.
And you said that Joe is in.
I'm in the web series.
I was like life.
I was supposed to play a small part.
I had a huge flight delay.
I missed the whole thing.
I was devastated.
And then later I got a bigger part.
Andrew Shabon played the original part.
Yes, I've got all about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So let's go over the, I did mindful metal jacket once,
and I wasn't in Isabelle's web series.
Cool, thanks guys, appreciate it.
But it's still going and growing.
Oh, and then it's the worst thing,
because I'm like, I like, got into the character in red,
and was like, what's the motive, and I had all this prep work, because I was like, I'm gonna be an actor. And then my's the worst thing is I'm like I like gut into the character in red and was like What's the motive eight and I had all this prep work because I was like I'm gonna be an actor
And then my flight was delayed. She's like we just grabbed a guy
Oh, that sucks so
YouTube and
Instagram and come see me on the road. I'm gonna be in a bunch of places. Yeah, oh my is billhagen.com
I'm gonna be in a bunch of places. Yeah.
Go on my is billhagen.com.
Hilarious comedian, dear friend, Steve, B.D. Rogers,
you got the show Panic Attacking.
Yes.
Great show.
Yeah, it was on once.
Really fun podcast.
You had Donnelly?
No.
I haven't either Donnelly or Isabel.
Wow.
No text on the show.
Well, Isabel doesn't have a lot of anxiety,
so it's probably a great fit.
I think Isabelle's the healthiest one out of all
is in this room.
There's no chance in hell that's true.
I, she can't be near gum.
That's not much she's saying.
Does that exude hell's gum?
Is derailing her?
I'm like worried about climate change
and you know, people attacking me.
Yeah, and I'm worried about all that stuff plus gum.
Yeah, you should be like,
I can't say him.
Like a brick apocalypse and like someone's like,
I have food and water.
I'm like, yeah, they're chewing gum.
I can't go.
Yeah, that's my point.
You're supposed to be saying that to him.
She's a boy rescue.
I'm agreeing with you.
You're a mess.
She's a boy rescue the Navy seal was chewing gum.
Yeah, I feel like I'm good.
That was my time.
No, she's very unhealthy.
But Steve, Steve might be the healthy yet.
He doesn't even feel the need to get back to people.
Oh, boy.
Giant penis.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Panic A Tech in Podcast.
It's really fun.
And Stephen Rogers comedy.com has all my dates.
I have an album coming out next year.
And then Instagram is the recording sold out.
Can they go to that? Oh yeah, it's November 5th and 6th in James Sound, New York.
I, you know, I don't even plug that. I don't, I'm taking a special in the middle of nowhere.
There's no way that both shows are sold. It's near Buffalo and New York. Please come for the
love of God. All right. Yeah. And and i made chan donnelly well i'm
first off i'm hopefully gonna be on mindful metal jacket at some point again
i don't know what's happening there but i also
uh...
we want you in the movie podcast come on the movie podcast
why would you want to be a mental judge i did a great job on that show
you're too healthy you're very healthy i don't think that's true, but I don't care really.
I am at Showtime.
I'm trying.
That thing is better.
So yeah, I'm fucked up.
I do care.
That's how fucked up.
I'll have you back on.
I mean, the show's been on hiatus for nine months.
Oh, all right.
Two minutes.
I am at Showtime on Instagram and Twitter
and I have a new show coming out November 1st.
It's gonna be a whole bunch of stuff. I'm gonna really double down on this.
I'm gonna brand it like crazy. It's gonna be all donally all the time.
What's it called?
Shony boy.
Yes.
I'm excited about this. I'm gonna be on that.
You're absolutely will be all you guys.
What's it on? You're gonna put it just put it yourself.
Put it on myself on my YouTube.
I'm gonna actually spend my days giving a shit
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'll be fun. It's a vaguely Irish podcast when we're talking about movies and UFOs
Because at this point who gives a shit? I want to talk what I want yeah, everybody's like get a hook
I'm like I don't have a hook. I just want to I just want to do my own thing. You don't need a hook. I hate a hook
Yeah, captain hook. I just want to have fun
I
Love the movie hook when you're a hook. Yeah, Captain Hook. I just wanna have fun. I love the movie hook.
When you were a kid,
the hook was so good.
Even Spielberg.
I like, yeah, I only saw it a couple times.
Rufio.
I gotta fart.
I always want to fart in the microphone, but it's hard.
Maybe you guys will hear it.
Oh, I might be a shit.
Oh, I heard it.
It was a whole day's of tiny one.
I'm sorry, you're a woman in the hood.
I was like, you don't need a hook, you just need a hand.
Hey, that's not bad. That's not bad. Yeah, it's something. It's something. No, you're great. You don't need a hook you just need a hand
No, you're great you're doing great hey folks now that I have hand and
But I have hand oh, and you're gonna need it
What are you gonna add? I don't know we're doing a side-fold reference. You ever see side-fold? Yeah, of course, okay, well, I don't know you never heard a gumbee. I don't know who Alice were doing a Seinfeld reference. You ever see Seinfeld? Yeah, of course. Okay.
Well, I don't know.
You never heard of Gumby.
You don't know who Alice Cooper is.
My father's gay.
Hey folks, now open.
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We look forward to seeing you.
All right folks, well this has been a great episode.
We're gonna, can you guys stick around for a little bit?
We do a Patreon.
Yes, yes absolutely.
All right, great.
One more time for Isabel Hagen.
It is Hagen, not Hagen.
Hagen.
Hagen, Steve Rogers and Shawnee, boy, Donnelly.
Thanks for listening.
Bobby will be back next week.
Is that right?
Yep.
Robert Kelly will be back.
Next Robert Patrick Kelly will be back next week.
I'm Joe Liz.
Oh, my fucking shit.
I just like my own shit. I'm so Liz. Oh, my fucking shit. I just like my own shit.
I'm so selfless.
The thing.
You never, you know what I mean?
I'm so giving.
I will be at, I don't know, Portland Helium,
Chicago Zanies, and oh, Providence Commerication.
Thanks, Kevin Weakend.
Those are all November.
Thanks, Kevin Weakend. I'll be at the Providence comica she come on out to that the weekend before that
chicago zane is we can before that portland helium
and i have a podcast called joe and ronon talk movies with our all our pal ronon
hersperg and of course two days with stories and uh... i'm on here a lot too
so thank you very much
peace love dope now get the hell out of here
you know that movie
uh... the fast times no is it's fulfilled the dreams
uh... okay yeah yeah yeah
all right we'll go into the patreon head over to patreon dot com sign up for
the patreon james rill john says yes stick around it's not over yet
this episode of yk wd is continuing now
exclusively on patreon dot com slash rubber kelly.
Uh, we got to wrap this thing up.
I got spots and my bladder is much to erupt in my asshole.
Yeah, I had a big smoothie and a tea and a water and a bunch of jizz and I'm going to
piss my pants.
And this has been fun, I think.
This has been a blast.
Great time.
It's always great to see you guys.
Yeah, we wish you were in the backyard the other day. It's always great to see you guys. Yeah, I didn't think a good time.
Yeah, we wish you were in the backyard the other day, but you were traveling.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Man, what are you doing?
It is what it is.
Alright.
Well, out like a lion.
What is it in like a lion and out like a lion?
What is that?
What month is it March?
March, yeah.
Yeah.
Alright.
March on down.
Well, this has been the You Know What dude patriot thanks for subscribing we love
you we appreciate bob does we don't get shit but uh...
thanks for listening we're very grateful and we have to read any names or
something like that
alright great
uh... alright dismount
thank you thanks everybody
chan donnelly steve roger's is about again thanks a lot
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