Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Unhappy St. Patrick's Day

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

We're in the studio for the last time for while with Mike Cannon and Mike Feeney joining Bobby for this tainted St. Patrick's Day! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos lia. Un número de maú, a Madrid. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. In my backyard, I shed, I interviewed some of my favorite people on the planet. I caught Bobby jerking off when we were living together. I remember this. Okay. I remember this.

I was the very gregarious at work. And we were, I want to ding every time he uses an awesome word. Ha ha ha ha. If you had a choice, you know, a girl coming over, would you take your blood pressure by the sim? Or a nice a little pill. If I had your dick on my dick, I'm saying they're squint sucks to their face.

That's great. Did it 10 times? 10 times? I wonder you're just shed with me. I don't watch. What do you use to master it? My hand. This looks like the room gym Morrison died in.

That's the thing. That's the fun thing about it. What? A comedian's comedian. I take that out. I think I'm a throw a rock part to you to win. What? This dad breaks it out of everybody.

Yeah baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, too live. Welcome everybody to the show. I'm the one who started the social media podcast. The fact that we're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast.

We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast.

We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who came to do podcast. We're the one who, you ruining this. Work it up, man, I'm sorry. It's comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original.

The first time you gave me the song there was like five of those. So I'm bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, bananana, but I'm like, I do it, I can't. And then he faces the guys great. Sounds good. He's amazing. That was the song I was singing, wasn't it?

John Glenin. John Glenin is, if you need a theme song, you get to go to that kid. He's amazing. What's his name? That was the song I was singing. What's John Glennon? John Glennon is, if you need a theme song, you gotta go to that. He charges. John Glennon. He died years ago. John Glennon. His cousin. Oh, John Fremont. They just gave different names. He's the one that went to the moon, but also wrote all those beautiful songs.

John Glennon. Support for the YKWD comes from Manscape, who is the best in men's below the bell grooming. Manscape offers precision engineering tools for your family jewels. Get 20% off and free shipping, free shipping, 20% off if you use code word, dude at Manscape.com. Guys, we're in a fucking crisis. We sure are. We're in an epidemic. This fucking world is falling apart. Can I tell you something? Tom Brady has left the Patriots. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. Him and Bella check couldn't patch it up, huh? Kevin Durant has Corona. He sure does.

Who's Kevin Durant? Oh, he really? Who's Kevin Durant? Sorry. He's a he's a New York native athlete. Whatever. Um, here's a deal with this whole fucking thing. I don't think that I think that he's going to LA. I think he's playing for the chargers because it's LA. It's Hollywood. He has a production team and his wife's out there anyways. They're going to be, he's a Hollywood guy. Yeah.

It's Hollywood Brady. You don't think it's Vegas Brady? It's, I, look, I don't think so. Yeah. No, I don't think Vegas is getting them. I think the giants are gonna sign them just do a one last run five two years. It's not gonna happen. We got Daniel Jones. We good fucking. You ain't. Jones. He stinks. You ain't getting she ain't getting Brady. He ain't going to fucking I think we'll get Bella check before we get Brady. You ain't getting Bella check.

I don't I think he might be close to Don. I think I don't know if he. Bella checks. No, because he's the one who got rid of Brady. He's one who said fuck you. And he's the one who say No, I don't know if he- Bell check, no, because he's the one who got rid of Brady. He's the one who said fuck you. And he's the one who said, I mean, I don't know, of course, I'm not a sports commentator. I'm not Stephen A. something. I'm not going to stream into the microphone what I don't know. Stephen A. Snacks. Yes.

Snacks. But I think that, I think Bell check is staying put. He's going to try to, and he, let's see, if he can put together another team that goes to the Super Bowl, it's him. Yeah, Brady's fucking, everything Brady's gonna be wiped out. If he takes somebody's fucking uncle and makes him a quarterback and goes and wins the Super Bowl, even goes to the Super Bowl.

It'd be wildly impressive. Yeah, well let me ask you this, is a Patriots fan, would you? How do you have such perfect hair in a fucking pandemic? A pandemic. It's all I have. So, and why are you looking more female in everyday as you? He's taking estrogen.

And what's happening? Well, because when the rapture comes, I want women in children's future. You all would take wants to look like. Yeah. Well, he doesn't have scars on his tip. Oh, jeep. Oh, I'm like, where'd you get those weepers? What the fuck, man?

Can I say thank you for having us here and clearly you trust us very much? This is my favorite thing. You're the only ones that would make every day of skinciest. Not one other comic would come in. Yeah, I was just, I had to go to the split. You were the bottom of the fucking barrel.

I asked everybody before you guys. Hardful, but so I have a question. Wait, as a paper's meant, would you get rid of the Super Bowl, if you could find out that Aaron Hernandez, you go back in time, fix it to where Aaron Hernandez doesn't murder anybody, but you would lose that Super Bowl. Would you do it? Is he still getting?

He's still getting. Oh yeah. But he wouldn't play football for the Patriots and you wouldn't lose that Super Bowl. Would you do it? Is he still getting? He's still got it. Oh, yeah. But he wouldn't play football for the Patriots and you wouldn't win the Super Bowl. That's Super Bowl. Say the question again. You would, would you go back in time? He says if you spare three people that you don't know's lives

to keep a, to keep a Super Bowl. No. I don't, I don't doubt you or fault you for that answer. Yeah, I want those six rings. Of course. And the documentary. I don't doubt you or fault you for that answer. I want those six rings. Of course. And the documentary. It's not, hey, don't hang out with bad people.

Yeah. That's what I say. And the podcast. And the podcast. The podcast was great. I think the podcast was actually better than the podcast. What podcast? The podcast was the, called the Gladiator, and it was one of those series.

What are those called? Limited runs. limited series. No. Limited. No. But if we say limited, limited, it might make my mic's off. No, it's not.

It's on. Oh, believe it, I wish it was off. I think on limited run. I think, because what I said was right. No, what are they called? Limited series? No, yeah. I love you, Mike.

I don't have my back. It's what I thought there were. I don't know. Yeah, that's what they called. They're called special events serial serial podcasts. Yeah, no That is a podcast called serial. No, that's a style of podcasts serialized podcast. Okay, whatever now you're getting back into it Anyways Yeah, I know this is a real quick. This is why it's tough for me to do the podcast with him because he's adversarial and then I get adversarial with you and I don't wanna be before we built trust and love.

We have a friendship. And I feel like we've had one too, but your problem is, my problem. I mean, speak, I've had a whole two serial thing. I gave you the answer, you were looking for while not shitting on him. I played it perfectly Yeah, we got out of doing this podcast together and we're always like I'm sorry

I don't know what happened or why we hold each other more or less coping. We're just coping Yeah, but I like both of you guys a lot individually And I like both of you guys together. All right. I like you together. I mean, I like both of you guys Let me know that sagalo fucking fatso. He's I listen that little two ton Tessie That's British that British fucking sitcom star. He's I know I'm kidding. I love that kid too He would love to come back. So I go really is James Corden if he got no opportunities. Yeah, but he's James Corden's sister. He's very female looking.

You know what I mean? He's got sweet cheeks. He's very, he's very nondescript. Yeah. Yeah. He could switch at any point. He's just be like, listen, I'd be like, okay. Brenda.

Brenda, he's a new Brenda Sackalo. Oh, Brandon looks like a waitress from the Renaissance fare. Yeah, you know what I want to do? I really do. No, it didn't hit. I know. If I got it out without saying, when is on to say.

Yeah. You didn't turn it to. Actually, one of the the waitress from the Renaissance fare. I think I would have enjoyed that better if you didn't start a step that. If you weren't full commitment. Yeah, it was better.

I think I really do want to sponsor his skateboarding though. You should. I want YKW to sponsor him. I want to do it. That is a skateboard logo. Like that should be in the middle of a deck. Yeah, I want, I want to, I want to get stickers and shirts

and he, and we sponsor him. And he's bad. He's, he's, I love it. Yeah, I want him to do videos for me sponsoring YKWD but doing tricks, the tricks he does. Oh my God. Yeah, that's what I want. He do videos for me, sponsoring YKWD, but doing tricks, the tricks he does. Oh my God, yeah, that's what I want. He starved for content. You think he'd jump at the opportunity.

He's a star. So speaking of content, he's not stopped at all. Speaking of content, you have a video that hit a million views. Million views, manverse spending machine. It's up my Instagram now. Now, did you set that up? But did that really just happen?

What do you mean, set that up? Oh did that really just happen? What do you mean? Set that up. Oh yeah, no, it really, here's a thing. Did you see how we looked down though at first with faux humility? He's like, yeah, you know, a million views. It's been nice for my life. Like he wants to look in the eyes

and tell you how much your acknowledgement means. It does, does feel great. But I can ask a question before. I don't think you liked the video. I did like it. What? Okay. But I, but I did like it. What? Okay. But I, sorry, Mike stood up.

Are we good? Are we good? Lunge on me. Like a huge beer cat. Is that good? We have no video. We have no video? I bring it up.

Oh, well, the video's not playing. No, we're good. Okay. No, he's just bringing up the video and couldn't see the monitor. Eric Rivera wants to FaceTime it. Oh. Sure. Um to FaceTime it. Oh But no, so so no it started as a series of Instagram stories where I was in the I was in Mulligan Some I was trying to kill some time. I was walking down to the showroom and I just as I was walking past a fucking vending machine

I saw two of the bags hanging over so so I thought it'd be fun to, if I can film it, my goal was I'll put in the $2, the three bags will fall, it'll be great. But then when I filmed it, turns out the third bag got stuck as well as the, and then I went on and did shows at Mohican Sun. And then for the rest of the night, I opened up my phone after probably three hours,

I was already out drinking with the staff, and I had all these DMs of people being like, we gotta see what happens. Go put more money in. We'll vent more use of people sort of vent mowing me to spend more money to go. Did you need the vent mow? No, but they were like, that was, I mean, that was easy.

That was easy enough. That's how he protects himself from all the comments that are just like, oh yeah, but you still spend eight bucks on popcorn loser. Yeah, it was wild. That was a lot of, that was a lot of the response. But so then I go back out world. A lot of people that don't pay attention

to what the previous person said. I feel responsible for them. So I think the Opie and Anthony and the Tough Ground, we really created a echo chamber. No. I think because of what we did things that we created these little orgs. Yeah, I mean, I think it's mostly your fault why my feelings get hurt on a daily basis.

Yeah, but just to know this mind get hurt too. Like, everything I do, we just did a live feed that was seven thumbs down. And it's like, why? Yeah, why? And they're subscribed to be reminded to thumb it down. And it's like, why? Why? Yeah. Yeah. Why? Yeah. And they're subscribed to be reminded to thumb it down. They're right. So you have to, you can't, I don't look at comments anymore on anything I do. I can't get accolades. Yeah. And I, because I don't want to see the, find the one negative and focus. But what I'm hoping for is that one day a comment section just materializes itself into my father tells me I've done good.

Just a good part of the comment. Well, you'd have to actually become that type of comedian though. Yeah, yeah, which I'm not. I'm not a, I'm most comedians that are successful. Don't look at comments. They have somebody do their shit for them. Well, they, they, they provide the content for it. And then they don't care about,

they just care about the blikes. Okay, 12,000 likes are about a hundred million likes. That's it, to give you a fuck. Why would you ever read what people have to say? Well, that's the funny thing too, is because like Mike said, there's so many redundant comments. Like right above each other being like,

he could have gone to Walmart and bought a giant bag. And you're like, it wasn't about that. So I end up doing the whole thing and it ends up going well. And then the next day I wake up to all these people being like, that was a great story. So then I had some couple comics and be like, you should edit that together

and make a thing. And then, I just put some dramatic music to it, edited it and it fucking, and then it went on bar stool, which did great on its own right. How did it get on bar stool? So I was talking to the people at bar stool and they were like, we wanna put the video on,

but I had to take away. Did they get in touch with Settle Down now? Okay, sorry. You're barrying the lead. No, well. Well in bar stool, how did you get in touch with you? Did you get in touch with them? I, someone, some people started tagging them in the thing

and then I messaged them the actual video and they said, we wanna list it, but you can't use the copyrighted music in it. So strip that off and send it back to us. So they have a copy of the video without the music, but I had already posted mine. So I was like, I'll do it under the condition that I can keep my video up.

So they don't, you know, because otherwise they own the rights to the new videos. They own it. To the non music. So when you, when you give them something, they own it. They, they'll own it. If they'll, if it's the non, yeah, non-music. So they can make money off of that.

They can. Yeah. They made a lot of money off of it. I don't know if they did because there's was different. Now they have three million views on their page for the video, but it's limited because with mine, it has, like I said, there, I mean, they have seven million followers, three million views. I only have a couple, you know, 10,000 or whatever followers, but a million views on this

because the music is what hell, it's what makes it, you know, and I mean, I think the rest of it does well, but with the music and the heads and other legs. Quincy Jones. Yeah, the music, baby. It's all about the rhythm. It's all about the, you can have the flat one. It's what you're not hearing, you understand it? You can have the naked wings, very, very...

Yeah. I have the saucy. Yeah, I got the... I got the sauce with the dip and sauce. I got the recipe, yeah. But they were nice enough to list it, which is great. And then, yeah, and then this video blew up, which has been nice and it's...

What's the other video that blew up? Well, I've had some stand-up ones that don't eat the milligram edible one that don't travel high. Well, those of, I mean, blown up relative to my following. There's, you know, 200,000 views on them. It's great. Yeah, it's awesome. Here's the thing with Instagram. I was getting 80,000 views for a minute,

like 70,000, 60,000, 70,000, 80,000, 90, and then somebody hit a button. I did something, somebody complained. Did you get flagged for a specific joke? And they shut me down. I can't, I was getting 150, 190, and then now I get 2000 maybe. And they, that's somebody doing it.

There's no way, I fuck it. Crazy. There's no way you go from there. So they're literally deciding who sees your shit. So if you do that, that's fine. But you're gonna let me be able to change your mind. You have to let me be able to contact you. You have to let me be able to fucking grease the wheels

as they say. Yeah. You can't just, they can't be just a group of people or a couple of people deciding Who they fuck that is gatekeeper. Yeah, it's a Moroccan kid in a laptop farm Just pressing a button and saying no more for this guy. He's gotten enough flags and that's what's crazy too It's gonna try and blow past that that was the Yeah, just because that's what it is That's who's looking to support. I wasn't't, it's some girl with a hairline

that meets her eyebrows that fucking hates guys like me. You're just picturing audience. It's just a chick with a hoodie, she has a wash. I think it's much less personal. I think it's just if you get flags, if it's about whatever content they're like it's done. It is not, I saw that, didn't Rogan's podcast the people with Twitter, there's people whose job

it is to review stuff. And when they see something, they're like, yeah, boom, you're done. And it's like, you shouldn't be able to do that. You shouldn't be able to let it, if it becomes organic, let it go. And apparently people were viewing it, people liked it, and people were sharing it, all those videos of mine are yours.

And then six people complained in the store. And then it's like, you know, all those videos of mine are yours. And then six people complained and it's over. And then it's like, you know, those people could be assholes. They could be racist. They could be trying to be funny. They could be those stuff. They're all gay fans. Right, well, I mean, look,

those people exist on all these platforms now, where they fucking hate you. Yeah. Well, that's the thing too, is I noticed, because you can look at your analytics now, and I noticed with my, with the Vending Machine one, that got on the Explorer page, which you know, so a lot of people shared it around and stuff,

but my stuff. How does it get on there? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. All of them. The Explorer page is what it gets on. But my stand-up clips, none of them have been on the, it's been like nine people.

The rest of them are all DMs, which is nice, because I guess it's just word of mouth or whatever rest of them are all DMs, which is nice, because I guess it's just word of mouth or whatever. But the venue machine one for sure has the most for a reason. It's because it was on the expo, you know, got out there. But then I'll even have that stuff that's supposed to game the algorithm where I'll have like 500 shares, you know, 25 comments,

whatever 45, whatever the fuck it is. And then it'll still have 3300. Because you're, they put you on something and that person got fired or 45, whatever the fuck it is, and then it'll still have 3300. Because they put you on something and that person got fired or left, I got married, cat died, whatever fucking mastectomy, whatever happened to that. That's very frustrating. And you're fucking.

You can want a Mandalay Bay. I'm trying so hard to do with you. You don't feel the way, you don't get in rage to the point where you're like, yeah, I'll take a duffel bag that's 180 pounds to the top of a hotel. No, I never get that way. Can you not say that I'm my podcast? I don't want that on our podcast.

I would never say that to anyone else. I don't want that. I don't want to be in your fucking Netflix documentary. He said it right on the top. Yeah, he admitted to what would you take down this podcast if you knew it could save three lives? No. I need these cocksackers who get this to be co to Patreon and fucking Joe.

Yeah. If I become a murderer, it helps your show. I know. But this episode be out in the paywall. Everyone will want to listen. Yeah. For clues. I mean, like, oh no, there it was.

Doesn't hyenas do like a $5,000 level on Patreon? They have a million dollar level for that episode with Tim Dylan. Yeah. Tim Dylan, do everyone under the bus. Has anybody, who would he throw under the bus? Everybody. Me too. I don't think you, no, he didn't do that to you.

No, but a lot of the Me Too people. It was a lot of people in the industry and a lot of people. Who were Me Too peoples? Yeah. Eat new who they were. It was a lot of people. It was a lot of people. It was a lot of people in the industry and a lot of who were me two people's yeah, eat new who they were A lot of people it was a lot of shit I don't what most of it was just the out of the of the gaze. No, I don't like that. Okay Well a lot of this fucking now I'm brave being funny, but people can't take jokes

So yeah, it's a hilarious episode if you don't think Tim Tim Tim the Payam is something wrong with you There's nobody fucking just doesn't give a fuck like him. Except for you because you just admitted to murdering a bunch of people. No, no, the feeling and the desire. Yeah, the desire. Have you had the desire? No, well, I guess I shouldn't say that. I, you know, you can envision it. Sure, you know, you just you don't listen to like M&M Kim and hear him like dismembering his wife and some and just like get a little bit of pleasure out of that acting out and you never You know, sometimes they used to be a kid that would bully me on my bus and I thought about the Because you know, there's in the school bus

They have those slats of the window where you put your fingers in and you pull it down But it doesn't go down all the way but there's that metal piece that connects the two Yeah, you know, you can casually think about like if the he was sleeping against it You just go up your grab his head pull it really far away and then slam it into the metal a couple of times. But then you go back to your seat calmly and then nobody fucks with you again. We had some bullies on my bus and fourth grade that would often they'd undo the like the submarine tops of the bus and pop it and stick their head like whatever.

I had countless visions of a tree straight to capitating their heads and their bodies spilling out onto the bus. I think maybe I don't because I've actually gone through with some violent shit like that because of bullies. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe I've come to the other side of it and I felt terrible at the end of it. You know what I mean? Killed someone? No, I've killed some of the most violent thing you've ever done. I beat, I did a lot of violent shit.

Well, it's all in the far past. I know what you're legally allowed. This isn't funny on the way I'm laughing. We were all a car, me and five of my friends. And there was a guy on a bike and we beeped the horn. And he turned around and he went, fuck you. And we all got out of the car and beat the fuck out of him. And then we took his bike and threw it. And then we drove over his bike. The bike. Please before I continue laughing, tell me he was a white guy.

Oh yeah, he was a white guy. Perfect. Now it's Larry. Fuck you. He was a hipster little fight. He was in the South Medford, which is the Italian part of town. And he must have been a college student or some dickhead. And he was in front of us. And he didn't know who we were on a two-door Monte Carlo.

And he didn't know who was in the car. And there was a lot of fucking, I mean, I wasn't, I was the youngest one of the car. But the guys I was with were really, you know, tough guys. Just, and they beeped, he wouldn't get out of the fucking way because they wanted to take a ride. And he just went, fuck you. And they went, fucking, what?

Then, dying for the, just, he had doors open, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch, you know, we just fucking got out of the car, fucking grabbed all five of us. All at once, like it was like we were police. Like this is what we do. Like you're trained for it. They did attack.

Yeah, everybody just got out and they knew their role. Oh, as you heard, it was you, motherfucker, and then, you know, chik-ing, fucking. Were you mostly hands or were you feet? Which, what, with that guy was feet. Yeah, we just because I think somebody punched him, went down and then you stunned him. And then we just kicked in the gut and fucking the head

and then grab his bike and threw it in the street and rolled over it. Um, I think I got beat up a lot too. I got beat up a bunch. Yeah, like groups. No, yeah, I got beat up one time. I'm the I got beat up a bunch. Yeah, like groups. Um, no, yeah, I got beat up one time. I got beat up one time, me and Frankie from all the Castro, who was basically my author funds are really, just the coolest kid.

I blonde, Italian kid. I mean, Whitney, I mean, just that's fucking beautiful. Just a good looking kid. Let the jacket, wife, beater, tucked in jeans. He was a nicky. He was a nicky. He was a nicky. He was a motherfucker without the pocket skin. You know what I mean?

I think that guy died, right? Man, hopefully. He was an out, he actually, he was on like surreal life or something like that. He was on a celebrity fit club. That's right, yeah, he was just a fucking dissonant. So we we actually Yeah, we went to the projects some of the projects which now it's funny because the sum of all is like Brooklyn now You can't buy a house. It's all hipsters. It's all fucking

Fire left people and but back when I was growing up You could I'd get beat up if I went there because I was from Medford and they literally go where you from and you say Medford because you could not say it because God forbid somebody from Medford. And they literally go where you're from. And you say Medford, because you could not say it because God forbid somebody from Medford heard you saying some of them. Right. So I remember we went to the projects like 12 at night to get weed.

We're just so stupid night, Eve. You're 10. I was 13. Jesus Christ. And we went to the projects and we were like, you know, we were looking for weed and he was like, I got you. And he took us into the thing.

We had to go to Hollywood. It was really creepy. And then the kid got us weed and he said, hey, you want to go smut? He was like, he frankly was like, nah, we're good. Because frankly, it was a tough one. Yeah. Yeah. I think we're good. We're just gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna go back. We gotta go. And we left and we, there's in the summer project, there's a pyramid. And at the top of the pyramid was like a prank playground in the middle of the project. Where the Illuminati would fuck children. That was good. We went up to the top and we lit up and all of a sudden,

those two dudes who got us the weed who are our age and then two men. Yes, men were like, yo, smoked that weed with us, the two little kids. And Franky was like, no. I would have been like, sure guys. Yeah, whatever you want. And I remember they started, they beat the fuck out of us. And the men? My face was, they broke my nose.

Yeah, the men were fucking just crackin' us. And I remember they were beating the fuck out of me, but I was all blood. So, my nose was broken, so I was all blood. And I was leaning against the fed, just like the fence like fucked up. And the kid was like, leave him alone, he's bleeding. Hit him.

They were kicking Frankie, but his kidneys were bleeding. Like he was shit. They didn't know he was bleeding internally. Oh my God. But I looked like I was murdered. Yeah. Like somebody was murdering me. But I looked like I was murdered. Yeah. Like somebody was murdering me. And I remember he was talking to me,

he's like, so what's up? Where you from? And I'm like, I'm Medfit. And he's like, really? You know, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, he's one of my uncle's friends. He's like, get the fuck. Oh, he's a good friend of mine.

I was like, yeah, he's a good friend. And he's like, all right, dude. Well, we're gonna get this off with flack. It just punches me in the gut. I go, I go, I go, I couldn't breathe. What was your crime? Like just not smoking weed with them? We shouldn't have been,

but she don't go in the projects as some of all, go the night and go, can I get some? You go to our projects and get weed off the people we know. Yeah. And I remember we had, I remember we walked away and I was blood head to toe. Frankie was just hurting. We had a hop of fence.

And I just remember how proud I was of myself because I didn't cry. I was like, tell him Frankie, like Frankie, I didn't cry because I was so proud that I got to the point where I caught a beating and didn't cry. Right. Well, I shut that down. Also, there was no way to really prove it since you were covered in blood. Well, I usually...

I usually... I would... I would... I would... Is it fucking no? Is that probably breathed? Yeah. Well, I was very proud that I took a beaten.

Yeah, yeah. And didn't go, please stop. And, you know, because I've just, just talking before I got beat up and I was just like, come on, I give. The worst if you're high, too, because I've just, talking before I got beat up and I was just like, go, I give. The worst if you're high too, because you're just feeling everything to your more sensitivity each month.

It was so bad. I remember Frankie, we're to the projects, our projects, and this lady let us in, because I was on the run. I was actually on the run. I, the cops were looking for me. So I couldn't, I had no, I was homeless at the time. I had no place to go.

I was sleeping in park. You're like Jack Kelly from Newsies. And I remember Frankie went to the hospital. The first time anybody's left that a news is absolutely ridiculous. I'm like, I'll fucking take it. What are you gonna do? I went, Frankie went to the hospital,

found out he was, yeah, he was... Internally bleeding. Internally bleeding. So I went to visit him and then all of a sudden the cop walks in, the first cop to ever arrest me, Sergeant fucking O'Malley, what was his name? The first guy to ever arrest me when I was, he arrested me when I was 10 for ripping off a

canteen truck. Me, Dickie Soule, Tony Quentin, this other girl, stayed out all night one night at like when I was 10 or 11. And we found a cantitrix, we just broke in and took all the six. What is a cantitrix? Cantitrix is like, you know, they pull up at a work where guys are working.

Oh, okay. They have coffee and sandwiches. Like the bagel carts. Right, but it's a truck. And they have cigarettes and shit like that back in the day. And we took like five cartons of Marbrose and we went and smoked all night and we actually, Tony Quint,

who was my girl the time ratted us out this twat. And we went, that guy who rested me was, oh my God, he walks in the room and he goes, Bobby, let's go. And there was a warrant. I knew, I was like, fuck, I go lay to Frank and he was all fucked up, he didn't do anything. Did you also have bruises and my nose is broken? So I'm walking out with a warrant. I knew, I was like fuck, I go lay to Frank and he was all fucked up. He didn't do anything. Did you also have bruises and my nose is broken?

So I'm walking out with the guy. What I do. And he goes, he, he, we're walking out to the car out of the hospital and he goes, what the fuck you're doing? Why would you fuck around with it? A goddamn vending machine. If you know, we're looking for you. And I go, I wasn't fuck, what are you talking about?

I just got here. I was visiting Frankie. I didn't do anything to a venue machine. He goes, oh shit, I got the wrong guy. Oh shit, what did he do? Whoa, whoa, whoa. He took me to jail, that was a warrant. Oh shit. Oh, so you just got lucky.

Yeah, he was looking for some other guy kicking a venue machine. They called the cops on. Probably because the popcorn didn't fall down, that's wise. Yeah, if it was now, I'd have a fucking million views and fucking be friends with barstool. Yeah, because so this fucking corona thing, man, I can't, you know, I'm in shock. I'm not even going to lie to anybody. I am in, I'm not a rich guy. I'm not, I really, you know,

I work every weekend. I work every fucking weekend and, you know, my check goes in my wife's hand and I pay my bills and, you know, I'm luckier than some and not, you know, I'm not whatever. I don't have a fucking gazillion dollars on the bank, you know what I mean? So I have to work. I can't just take time off.

I work from December to June as much as I can so I can spend time with my kid in the summer so I can take off a few weeks in August and blah, blah, blah. And then Friday night, I mean, we had this tour, the Krebsford kids sold out of Grammys. I mean, Tampa, Atlanta, Washington, all my dates, I mean, all my shows were fucking great. And Friday night gone.

Yeah. Everything was, I mean, my manager called, my agent called me. I don't have a manager anymore. Thank God, I'm gonna be able to afford the fuck. But my, my agent called me and it just, it's, it's like, buddy, it's all going away. He's like, we're having meetings. It's happening to everybody.

They're shutting everything. Nobody is staying open. And I was like, yeah, but I don't in my head, I was like, okay, if this ever happens, if something happens when my career gets blown up, my agent tells me to go fuck myself, I always have the seller. Right. But I called up immediately, like Liz, SD, and they were like, yep, so Saturday night, I was like, and then I got the call that it's done, the seller's done. It's fucking done. And I'm like, I don't have work.

Like, I don't know what comics, what we're gonna do. We were just saying, we don't know the next time we're gonna be, we can't possibly know the next time we're gonna be, we can't possibly predict the next time we're gonna be on stage in front of a live audience. It's gonna be months. Yeah. People don't understand it's gonna be months.

You're not gonna get on stage and get paid enough to pay your bills to get that type of, and who knows when the crowds are gonna show up again? Maybe they'll show up right away. Maybe they'll support, maybe they'll be like, I need to get out. I don't think it might not. They might be like, look, I don't wanna fucking risk it. I don't wanna, and I don't understand, like, what the fuck?

Like, what are we, the uncertainty? What are you supposed to do? The area is part because you go, what should we do? Should we just, we know, we're kind of just, you know, you see how the baseball seasons push till mid-May at the earliest and you look at these people where they're still down there in Tampa and they're getting ready for spring training. And it feels like that was stand up.

We're like, all right, well, just listen back to some old sets and stay fresh and stay sharp and get ready and do some podcasts. And all of a sudden you go, it may be 90 days. This is it right now. Like anybody watching this, you gotta go to my Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com, such for Robert Kelly, and join my Patreon for the next three months.

I don't know what to tell you, you gotta do it. Cause this is the only way I'm making content. I'm gonna have to do four of these a week now. On for Patreon only. I mean, it's the only way I can make cash. My wife's a stay at home mom. She's only not only doing the mom stuff in the house stuff, she's the only way I can make cash. My wife's a stay-at-home mom. She's only not only doing the mom stuff and the house stuff, she's a school teacher now.

My kids, home from school, she has to teach him, and I have to, but mostly her, because we don't want him to fail. You know, she's a school teacher now, full time. Yeah, my wife, she owns her own business. It's a floral design company that mostly does big events and weddings. So her entire livelihood also revolves around large groups

of people congregating. Absolutely. It's over. And we have a eight month old baby. Oh, that's sweet. It's so good. Venmo, Michael, Dash, Ken, and Dash, three. Yeah, but here's the thing with a baby.

It's this formula. My kid eats like a Viking. Well, now he's eating solids and he's eating. Yeah, but my kid eats steak. My kid eats like a Viking. Well, now he's eating my kid. My kid, yeah, but my kid eats steak. My kid eats what I hate. It's just, and he, you know what I mean? Mike, yeah, it's, it's, I tried to tell my wife, I'm like, listen, go get food.

But we're gonna be fine. No, listen, if, if, if this gets worse, which I think it's gonna, they all buy all indications they said it will 100% get worse before it gets better. Yeah, nobody, you don't know who has it. The Chinese. They're handing it out like it's flyers. Seeing a Patreon.com, Cessarobic.

I have to read this real quick. These are the new members. Thank you for joining. I can't tell you from the bottom of my heart. John Kernin. Thank you. Andrew McLean. Merced, Mer, Mer clean. Look at both of you fucking millennials. I can't even stay with me. As soon as you get a brain. We didn't have the read. Yeah. Huh? We didn't have the read. Yeah. We didn't have the read. Oh, you still on the show. I mean, I'm still here.

I'm still need help with the read. As soon as I have a clean, John McLean, you, Oh, the parping, Peckless or anybody else. How did you get a million views with that attitude? Are anybody snuckles white ashy for the first time? My skin is dry, full of like I work with my hands.

Colin Gleason. Colin! Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per...

Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per...

Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... Per... William Sears sounds like somebody Colin Quotes in his new show. William Sears a girl, but I told you. There we go. I put your phones that way back in Thomas Nicholas Thomas. Well, stickins character Tracy Viva La Viva Leo. Oh, Viva Leo Jason peak. Jason peak steak sauce.

Stakesaws. Stakesaws. John Fucker Butt. That's my favorite. That's my dad. My favorite frowny father. John Fucker Butt. Spencer Porter. Oh.

Spencer. Katie Young. What do you mean, no? No celebration. I know what she's responsible for. Oh my God. I'm taking those hands. She's called her a bad eater.

I don't see. I don't think it came from that. I think it was made in a lab and escaped either accidentally. Can we please talk about that after we read this next name? Oh, these next five names because I do Derek Stevens, Kevin Ford, Ben Davis, Annie, Susanne O'Reilly, Andrew McCormick, a lot of Irish, Parker Hall, Adirro, Charlie R, Chad Fly, and Kathy Gallellas.

Chad Fly sounds like a new YouTube sensation. What's up guys, it's Chad Fly here bringing you the... That sounds like a radio guy from Long Island. Yeah, it did. I look the next mountain with grass. I want to thank you guys. I feel like it could have gone to a fun place, but was a abrupt least thank you for coming for becoming members patreon.com.cesterobercale. That's what I'm going to be doing all this content from now on. So if you're watching this on YouTube, go there.

If you're a fan or a subscriber here, please hit subscribe, become a member, and over there, it's a price of a cup of coffee for three, four months. There you go. Okay. Yeah, so I, look, they're saying it's not a, somebody didn't need bat soup, a bat bit something that was in something that somebody ate. This video actually, It's not out of the question.

No question. Why this happens? Okay. Which one? The eight, the nine, is this video? Okay. Which one? They ate the chicken. Is this the thing to pick, the chicken to pig transmission and then we closely interact with pigs. It's not about chicken to pig, or about it's about how wet markets work in China.

All right, hit the button. I mean, San Francisco, Chinatown, on every window, they have a do not take pictures thing. They're like not allowed because we're doing some illegal gross shit. There was like an alligator foot with an extended bone with like the meat cutting off at the risk. Sure was an a villain that a fucking superhero defeated.

Yeah. Like Bruce Lee. It may have been. Yeah. Doc, Doc, Doc, I met the alligator guy. Forget his name. All right, here we go. Ready? I haven't met the alligator guy, I forget his name. Alright, here we go. Ready?

Let's watch it. If this is boring. It was the year of the 2019 when health officials in China admitted they had a problem. The health authorities have activated the most serious response level. Well, after a night break of any type of viral pneumonia at your incentive. It's well, China. A rapidly growing number of people were developing a dry cough and fever before getting pneumonia. And for some it turned fatal. Doctors have named the disease COVID-19 that's coronavirus disease 2019, indicating that a type of virus is causing illness.

I have that. When they try to trace its origin. Quick pause. Also, the reason why I think this is made is because this like shockingly looks exactly like HIV under a microscope. Because they're both viruses. But they have the same tentacles. You're literally going from a very funny young man to the dumbest person ever. I'm telling you the truth. Enough.

If you don't want to look at the truth, dude, if you want to keep your head in the sand and be a sheep, a sheep. A sheep? Yeah. Good. And you don't want to look at the truth, dude, if you want to keep your head in the sand and be a sheeple. A sheeple? Yeah. Okay, good. And you can say pause anytime you want. But I say in spite of the scorpions, huh? Down to likely source. This food market in Wuhan, over the first 41 patients, 27 had been here.

It wasn't conclusive evidence, but Chinese officials quickly shut down the market. They had seen this happen before at a place just like this. The health officials are trying to get a grip out of the alarming outbreak of SARS. The virus originated in mainland China. It was spread across the country. The disease have been festering for months. Yes, it is. Why is China at the forefront of every viral disease that comes across? Because of these markets.

That's what's it gonna say? Yeah. But what is in the markets? A lot of animals that shouldn't co-congregate. Exactly. Yeah, we shouldn't be. That's what wet markets are. Yeah.

Wet market? It's called wet markets because it's just live animals that are all wildlife. And because they have wildlife farming, quote unquote. So. They have like dragon toe and fucking like tiger tongue that does us as things that are with poodles. Oh, yeah, I mean, not dragons, but this is fucking this is nuts. Yeah, this is fucking nuts. This is what fucks me up is that this happened over there. And now for

some reason, I'm out of a job. Yeah, because of a market in Wuhan. That fucking market, that market that looks like it's a bunch of sheds put together. Yeah, yeah. I'm out of a job. If all those people, it's definitely, but not in five years, months. Yeah. I mean, months and it's here. What the fuck are we doing? Like why isn't there? We have fucking planes that are helicopters and jets. Okay. Lord knows what other shit we have.

All the crazy fuck we have, the fact that we have phones that are we can do anything we want it to do. Can you please Get the fucking handle on this Stop making new phones stop making thinner TVs. We don't need any more fucking fun games Go take all those smart people and forget them in control this shit So that when this happens we can push a button and a fucking bubble comes up over the fucking country And we don't have to have this shit happen to us again Because we're not doing it. We're not eating fucking It's it's not and you guys want to eat fucking anyway. I don't care where it is in the world

You want to eat fucking weird shit go ahead. Yeah, but if you're gonna do it lock it to fuck down Clean it at the very least lock it down. I don. Solid, a solid bat has far better than clean bat. You made it for the, for the Irish, all the sully. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I, like, and I heard that Trump, and I'm, of course, I'm not smart with this shit. I know it pretend to be with politics. But I heard there was an actual team that was together that would pandemic team that would go out when this happened. They would go and they would fucking go to where it was and say fuck it done. This is what we need to do. Shut down this and shut

down and take care of it. So it wouldn't happen. I could happen with the H1N1 flu. They were there and he fired him and it's expanded here. Disbanded. Could you because you can go into any conspiracy theory now You can go into okay. How do we get Trump out? He grabbed him by the pussy didn't take him out Russia didn't take him out All this shit we tried to do nothing. He only got stronger He's going to be the president for the next four years. Yeah, because there might not be an election Okay, he continues through November. Here's the thing here's how they're gonna take him out We have to kill a lot of people, but we, he, he actually fired the pandemic team.

And if we give a pandemic to the world and he's to blame for Americans dying, that's how we get them out. Yeah, it's fun to think about, but I don't know if anybody is that actually competent and stupid. I'm going to spread that room. I mean, I think it was an organic assassination attempt put forth by the DNC. They tossed a couple of resilience at Trump. They tried to pat his butt, shake his hand, lick his face, and nothing. The guy is taking so many penicillin shots that even put in the woo-hub.

He's like Mr. Burns in the Simpsons. He has every disease at once that are all perfectly counter-acting each other Three students. You know pretending that you are an hour every morning. Cancer and your pregnant. Yeah Crazy man. Yeah, it's frightening. Do you really think it's a conspiracy? Do you think I don't know? I'm always like kind of angling towards that sort of thing But I also I just don't think people are capable of that type of work. Did you hear the Chinese said today? Chinese government? No, that's Japanese. Oh, yeah. So what's not Chinese? No, that's Japanese again. Yeah, he's still Japanese.

That's Chinese. Is that real? No. Did you just say that? Well, my friends Japanese mom said that Mandarin sounds like chickens falling downstairs and that, and uh, can't think he sounds like people dropping his overware. Now with another Asian country. Wow. Talking about other Asians. So, in the rock Johnson is dead? Are you kidding me?

What happened? Are you fucking kidding me? See, this is why we got to look at our phone. Are we shut down? Tom Brady just signed with the Tampa Bay Bucka nearest. No, he went to work. Wait, is that with, uh, that was a real conspiracy? Are you fucking kidding me? The Bucka nearest. What is happening to the world? Wow, they wanted, they wanted James Winston out there. I was going to say his Winston just out now. How the fuck did he sign with the, how did Tom Brady, they gave away free tickets last year. Yeah. Why would he sign? Why would he do it? That's 30 million dollars for a year. Yeah, but why he could have gone anywhere just about. That's, this is

the end of the world. I don't get it. I don't get it. Well all of their fan base is gonna die from the flu So he's not gonna be able to play in front of many people in Tampa. Yeah, they're all older. Arna there Nobody's fucking nobody's heating anything I'm not sure she was driving home. She's all people on the beach today I don't give a fuck. Yeah, they're water beach that the clear the clear water Twitter said to go take walks on the beach to get up the get by just trying to free up some of that waterfront realistic Yeah, that's all that's trying to do all the old people open mouth breathe while you're walking down That those fucking old constate have been there for 40 years. Well here. Here's open

The one in the back of the camera. I'll be at side splitters and then we're doing the cruise together buddy How fun is that gonna be? You are not doing a cruise because I'm not doing a cruise. You think I'm going on a cruise? I'm kissing. You think I'm going on a cruise? No. I might have to.

Yeah. Yeah. They said, China said today they go, um, I read this in the news. We're gonna, we're gonna sink the US in a sea of corona. Why? Who's that? China. Because all of the medicine that we get,

it comes from China. We have the labs to put the medicines together to make them, but all the stuff. We're gonna mass produce. They come from there and they will knock you into us. And they're saying that they don't have enough, but then they said that on them. Oh, so it's probably good that Trump is putting the shoulder, the most of the blame on them.

Oh, yeah, it's great. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why they do. But I'm just a roll cock. Well, that's what they're doing it. Yeah, you know, so it's, it's a fucking nightmare. Yeah, it's real gross.

It's a nightmare. I suspect so many industries though, like the one thing that is both comforting and terrifying at the exact same time is that such a large percentage of our country is in the same exact vote. Like everybody is so many 70% of the country is like paycheck to paycheck and like still like sliver fucking absolute razor thin margin paycheck to paycheck. This is having so much economic ramifications for so many people that like they're talking about they're already talking about like given everybody a thousand bucks just to tie them over and it's like when in three months, like are those checks going to be cut in fucking three months.

And we don't get them because we're arts, we're creative people, creative people like getting shit. Thanks Mark Ruffalo. We're so, why am I? Because he's the, he's one of the LibKons that got Trump to like basically redefine all of the tax law that you know hurts us in terms of our right office as well. He didn't. Yeah, I mean Mark Ruffalo is the ultimate lefty, you know, really? outspoken, Twatt, yeah. I can't. I like Mark. I think he's really good at Mark. Is it?

Yeah, I've worked with him. I was in a movie. Have you? Yeah, which one? I know some fucking movie. I was an oil guy. I came up and he. Yeah, which one? I don't know, some fucking movie. I was an oil guy. I came up and he was like, what the fuck? I'm gonna kill you. And I was like, right, I'll leave. That was great. Yeah, pussy, I was.

I was called what doesn't kill you or some shit like that. Him and, uh, I got some time to watch the movie. So I might rent it. Dude, I can't fire. I'm so sad about this. I'm so sad because people like, well, just I love these rich comics or these comics that don't have anybody have no responsibility, just have money. Just out they literally can go and I'm fine for three years.

Right. And I'll tour next. I'll just tour. I'll just call my agent in tour. I'll just tour and do another special. I'll just make my agent in tour. I'll just tour and do another special. I'll just make another special in tour. Did you really probably would think? Well, here's, let me just fucking finish with my rant before you fucking let me rant about something else. Is that it's like, listen, some people, most comics, you know, stay home, you shouldn't go out.

You know, if you, like, if you go out and work, shut the fuck up. Yeah. If you got, if you got enough money to not care about this, shut just sit quietly and quarantine and shut the fuck up. There's so many. We don't need to hear you because there's a lot of people that need to work.

And if somebody says, hey, I'll give you a hundred bucks, they're gonna have to go risk their lives or whatever the fuck they gotta do to put money on the fucking table. The noble cause, not a fucking thing. Well, there's so many preachy young successful comics that have been tapped by the Comedy Central and industry and stuff like that

that are riding high on the hog right now. They have their 30,000 followers. They can't believe it all this shit. And they're giving direct to camera serious PSAs about how people going outside is irresponsible and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, no, you don't understand. Like this has happened before where the bubble of comedy

has burst and then people were like, then sent out back into the clubs where only nine people would be there every single night. The demand for comedy, all the sudden seemed trivial and it wasn't a fucking need for anybody. You're out. Like, you don't even get that tapped on the industry. You're fucking, like, if this continues to roll

and everything is done and you can't make money on your own doing stand up or whatever the fuck, like you're finished and you don't even understand that you're preaching to people that are kind of more prepared for this than you are. And also, you're coming at it from a way that it's like, okay, I'll never trust or help this person ever in my entire life.

Because they're so fucking, it's so self-centered, it's unreal. It gives speeches right now to people that, to my 30,000 followers, be sure, wash your hands for 20 seconds, and don't go outside, it's irresponse, it's like, get the fuck outta here. Yeah, you know what, whatever the fuck you have

that you know, you can stay in for five months and it doesn't scare you. Good for you. Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up, seriously. Cause you're a fucking numbscal. You really are. You're not smart.

We're comics. We're not fucking menza. We're not geniuses. We're not fucking menza, we're not geniuses, we're not political fucking figures. You're a fucking idiot with a dumb joke. A disposable idiot. And here's the thing. And here's the thing.

And I understand that if I was in the spot where I had a tons of cash and I could sit out for a couple of years and just wait till this all blew over and I'd be fine. I would just shut the fuck up and you know what else I do. I'd help some comics that need some help. Yes. Why don't you go to the people that and go look this is what I'm doing. Stop telling people what not to do. Right. And why don't you fucking do some solution at the frown.

Fucking covet your fame. Cock suck and motherfuckers. What was the Roy was. Sorry. Roy would wrote this really great piece. I forget for what publication, but he was kind of talking about. I rant, I don't write. Right. Rant. But he. Feel free to write my rant.

And I'll post. Yeah, transcribe. Yeah, but I'll only respond in rant. That's my thing. I'm going to use that. Yeah. So Roy wrote this really great piece just kind of about what comedians should expect.

And based on like his experience of being, you know, a two decade fucking road comic. Yeah. And understanding that once people come back to touring, there are going to be theater acts that are going against other theater acts that can't perform in those theater because it's such a condensed schedule. So now they're coming down to comedy clubs and they're going to be booting the fuck at any mid-level performer like myself. Yeah, we finally started headlining and getting gig podcast

making off best best year of my career thus far in terms of yeah, and it's the perfect time. Well, look, I've been through this a couple of times, not this, but except on September 11th was very familiar. Even the city of New York on, well, there was these, these, um, on September 11th, very familiar. Even the city of New York. Well, there was these on September 11th, these buildings fell. Yeah. Oh, boy, it's a built in better than a drip towel.

No, they fell. They ripped. Yeah, I remember that. That thing was like, oh shit, I remember doing shows. Now, it says there's nine people. No one wanted to go to a fucking show. Walk on the streets was very similar to now. Driving was fucking crazy.

But this is worse. This is 100% worse, I think. Not worse as far as what has happened. I'm not comparing the two. I'm saying as far as what's going on. Shutting this thing down economically. Yeah, because like you said, this is going to, in April, it's going to be like,

look, you can't, everything's done. Now, I mean, think about food. Think about, I mean, I went, you couldn't get eggs. You couldn't get toilet paper. People are hoarding shit. People are worried about beef being tainted with the virus and BJ's is now like, I think not accepting some meat orders. So it's like an actual problem.

Like, there's gonna be cast out meat. People are, you know, that shit is fucked. Yeah, and we're not prepared for it, and that's what fucking annoys me. We should be prepared for this. And, and, and, and, Well, you know how to feel dress a rabbit, so you're kind of.

Yeah, but I don't wanna fucking use my abilities. I talked about this yesterday, at least. It's too cold, maybe it was this summer. Loose things he could survive longer than you in a post-apocalyptic world, and I said there's not a shot on the planet just because of how much shit that you have. Oh, I thought you were gonna say body mass.

Lewis. Well, that was Lewis's argument. I would survive longer with that. But yeah, let's all be real. Lewis is a FATO too. Yeah, yeah. When I see Lewis walking on the street with no shirt on, then I will balance it.

You know what, you're in shape. Yeah. But until that, he looks like an old water balloon. Yeah, he looks like a fucking candle. Okay. But Lewis wouldn't Lewis would survive because Lewis would just take people's camps. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Lewis is the Negan of the of the group. Yeah. He would definitely just walk up and I'd be like, Bob, where are you?

I'd be like, I'm up at this campsite with my family and come up. You're like, who's next to you? This is small. Like, I'll take that. I just walk over and it was going, I'm taking you wife.'m up at this campsite with my fam. You can come up, you're like, who's next to you? This is small, like, I'll take that. I just walk over and I was like, I'm taking you wife, I'm taking this. Yeah. And now watch my son. And the guy would be like, okay.

This sort of situation kind of benefits in the underthaws, like Lewis, actually. He would, but here's the thing, is he'd wind up being killed in the middle of the night by me. I would fucking put my bushcraft party board knife in the back of his skull. And I'd push it in, in and I see his eyes open. And then I would take his body on the woods

and fucking lit it. And then I'd James, he'd be like, where's my dad? I'd be like, I don't know. But you can come with us, James. And James was like, okay. And I'd take care of his son form. That's what he would want.

It's a nice thing to be to do. Yeah, I would have to kill him in a sleep. James. No, Lewis. No, I would never, I would never, I would love James. James would be the, he's going to be great. But usually when you kill a father, they typically find out about it later and then pledge undying revenge. That would be later in life when I'm ready to go by the way anyways. Right. Right. Well, then no, then it's Max's job to be your bodyguard and take James's life. Yeah. Well, that's when James, James and Max will divide and then James' life. Yeah, well, that's when James and Max will divide.

And then James will go, that I'm leaving. And he'll be like, look, he'd wind up killing my dad. He'd wind up killing me. And Max will be like, you know, look, I understand why you did that, but you should, and he'll be like, I'm leaving. And he'll be like, you stay here. You know, and Max will be like, stay with us.

This is your community. He'll be like, no, I'm not. And he'd leave. Or maybe he wouldn't kill me. I'd still be alive, but I'd be ashamed of what I did. Max would not like me, which would have killed me. That would be worse than killing me.

You know what I mean? You'd beg for death. I'd beg for death, because Max is like, you killed his father. I had to, Max. I had to kill him, because he was gonna wind up killing you. Have you ever fucking your mom do Max? I feel like Max, Have you ever shared a cab with him? I can't explain. He had a rival podcast network. Yes, he might be just he literally stole everything I did and just did it with a rich Jewish guy. Yeah, that was that was right gas. That's good. I had a

I had a right. This is a great name for a podcast that was, I had a poor Italian guy who lived in Long Island, you had a rich Jew with a fucking father. I had nothing. You just stole whatever. I did it better, did you? Did you? You changed the colors? Of course he did.

Yeah, Lewis would have to go, but Lewis would survive. Yeah, yeah, he would survive. He would be murdered. I would love to have, if Lewis, I would have to be, but Lewis would survive. Yeah, yeah. He would survive. He would be murdered. I would love to have Lewis. If Lewis, I would have to be the motherfucker. Right. Because Lewis doesn't have the, he doesn't have gears. He's the muscle.

I would love to have Lewis be my second in command. Your henchman. Oh, I just be like Lewis, kill Fini. Why? I said kill, okay. And just, oh, he's like Jeremy Renner from the town. Is that who's Kyle? Let's kill through the comics who survive. We we have okay. I have a community. We all go up to the campsite. We went to last year

right yeah and Who survives and who doesn't I would you survive why are you surviving because I would go to Walmart and or my Father-in-laws Arsenal and I would get as many guns as humanly possible and I would not be afraid to use any of them. You're already said you'd pull a fuck right in Vegas on anybody. And especially in a back against the wall humanity is threatening to take my. What are we gonna have he's gonna be punks. Pranks.

He's dead. He's dead. He's one of the first people that I've been. He's dead because what social media goes. Yeah. Also I'm jealous of his viral video so I blow his head off. Yeah, but I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I those eyes, he's done. Yeah, we gotta make him grow his hair out a little bit. I'll tell you this, I've never, I've never, I'm not, I'm a certain type of survivor.

I'm not gonna be the kind that's gonna be like walking dead where we're gonna go from camp to camp to camp. I'm gonna find one location, stay there, and then guard that and go down with that ship and stay with him. I'm not gonna be the person that's like, we gotta move the ship. The right that him. That ship is gonna be down. I'll sit first. I put in the first 48 hours. I'll be the guy

Sitting on the other end of the door Against the wall shotgun just waiting for the hordes of people to come in and then just like lock down Just take out as many as I can here's how it be we'd invite him with us and I won that I go low Fini's gotta go and he, one that I go, Lou, Fini's got to go. And he'd be like, I, he'd go, ugh. And he would just go and snap his neck. Oh, why?

Lewis would for sure have sex with him without you asking, though. Oh, he'd fuck it like he's like, dad got gay, dad got to go. Why not keep me around? For what? You offered nothing. What do you mean? He can kill people and hunt and he's ready to go.

Lewis's muscle. You need somebody to negotiate with the other clans. And you guys, frankly, don't have that. He's too aggressive. Louis will just eight-pid him. But I'm the smooth talking. You're the looks. I'm the smooth talking.

Wow, that was a pandering answer. No, he's got the powder lips. Look at those lips. I didn't like that. That's actually true. We might actually blind kiss each other on the lips just to like remember what it was like to. Well, we have our girls, man.

I don't know why you're fucking me. Murdered is my first before anything. We have our girls. Before you showed up. Yeah. Hey, you have your kid. Boy, right? He's a boy.

But now I think I'd be the negotiator. I'd be the spokesman for our tribe. You give me the message I pass along. Hey, you know, big Bob says this that in the third All right, so what do we do? A yana's and Christie Chris has to stay around for sure because it's gonna be trying to fuck everybody Chris is gotta go But also no or this is gonna. That's how we fight we spread his diseases And then it takes them out and then we how we extend our

He's gonna want you gonna want a fuck, he's gonna want to just impregnate and all the women. Yeah, he's gonna get everybody pregnant. Not gonna be good, dude. Not live. Now, your wife, you're gonna come into your tent one night and he's gonna just be ball seeping her butt. That'd be fine.

You really? Wow. Now, Yannis, I don't, I agree with him, the Christian. Yannis, I see as a guy who's- I think, here's what I've been at. I think Chris, sorry, Chris is like, is like a ex-caliber.

There was author and who's the other guy? That's love. He's like Lancelot. Yeah. He's gonna command and he's very, he's better looking, he has better armor. If Chris gives me a baby, I'll be fine with that. As long as he doesn't like, you know,

poison my wife's vagina. If he leaves a disease in her, then she's gotta go, he's gotta go. But if it's just a baby I can really want his big Conch in there I just agree with you because of his daughter He will be different in the situation you out of your mind. He's not he's not different now Yeah, why would he be different in the apocalypse? Well then she's the apocalypse

I've seen it with the daughter he's very different and I gotta say this I feel like and correct me from wrong I feel like Janus has gotten used to a certain level of living In terms of a comfort thing. He's got a nice house now. He drives a very nice car. He's got very nice. He's got money, right? I don't know. I think that's a thing. Money means nothing once the world's over to now. I think we go up when we take his house I'd be a good place to I think we go up and go Yannis We knock him though, he goes, yo, yo, yo, and we're like, y'all gonna let us in.

He goes, guys, I, the honest, I don't think you heard us, let us in. You know what? And then he'd be like, all right, and we let it, we'd come in, and then we take over his house. And you know what we should do? I would love to have Verzi on the team

because I feel like if nothing else, he's, he's cooking. Verzi's life in the garlic. Verzi lives a few houses up. Of course we have him on the team because I feel like if nothing else, he's cooking. Yeah, he's like in the garlic. Verzi lives a few houses up. Of course we have him on the team. Yeah. Yeah. So we go up there.

Oh, Fini's gone because then we take Noam. Noam is a great fucking negotiator. Noam from the seller. Yeah. How many people would be mad at him? No. But he has money. No need to start the matter.

I'm trying to gather the team. I've already established my banner. But no, I'm is a good negotiator. And that was the strength Fini said he brought the team. He's not a good negotiator. He's a Jew lawyer. He's not charming. Yeah, he's a good at lawyering.

He's good. He's good at lawyering. He's not negotiating. He's like, no, that's legal. That's not charming. Yeah. I don't know why. He has to.

Jew lawyer so harshly either. I'm now second guessing that. I think that with the utmost respect. If this ever. About the religion and the profession and personally happy same patty's day. Yeah, we're all I was on this point. We really are.

Yes, that might be any Kellyan Canon. Mike has the other drinking holiday that gets co-opted. I gotta do this ad real quick. You guys can get on your phone. Can I take a guess? Yes. Host. Can I take a yes?

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Well, thank you. Do well. We're back. We get so much stuff here, man. Jesus Christ. We do gotta wrap. We gotta wrap. I know, we do have to wrap.

Anyways, I wanna thank you guys for coming in with coronavirus. I want you to wanna say something to my fans real quick here. If you can, you ready? This is from you guys to my Patreon fans. Are you ready? Yes. What are we saying?

You're going to say, I don't know, Mary fucking St. Patty's day. One, two, three, go. Happy St. Patrick's Day, happy St. Paddy's day Slanch tap with him or until you fucking salute a pint and drink with you in yours and as soon as you're allowed back out in the sun Enjoy your time because it's limited as we've been taught. That's good. Oh, that was good That he's definitely on the team because he's better. I mean you better at me Well, well, you did the thing. You're like. See what I mean? You were better at me. Well, well, you did the thing.

You're like, hey, happy saying Pat, you were just done. He went, hey, happy saying he was lit up the room and it was okay. And did it at the top of the morning, whatever else you need. Come on in and give us your tomato. You got me. Yeah, the tomatoes. And, you know, and you're like, yeah, hey, whatever you got. It just, I have guns.

Yeah, I know, but we can't always go that route. We can. Buddy, you can't. I can't, I can't stress this enough. This isn't a only URI or making the team. I have motor cycles. We can both be on the team. Buddy, you can't just kill people.

That's why I'm saying we, look, I admire. Kill or be killed in this world. No, that's not what we're going. We're going to kill when we need to kill. That's pandemic living. Sut, no, no, no. But let's Trojan horse it. Let me get us in there and then you kill.

Yeah, we need, listen, we want, we don't want to lose people on our side. Right. Can I stand? So, oh, Liz is here. We have to wrap up, I guess, right? Yes, it's not a scary dog. We have to stop in 10 minutes, right?

We're closing down. It's five of eight. It's five and one minute. Okay, so anyways, you guys, thank you for coming in. What are you having now? Listen, I know it's tough for everybody. We're going to get through this. I don't know what we're going to do. The waiters, the waitresses, the people that work in the clubs, the comics, it's going to change everything. Three months off, or maybe four is going to be crazy. If you guys need anything, seriously, just contact your local mayor, governor, and they might be able to help both of you.

I know you both have rich people in your lives. I just don't know who I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah, guys, as you've heard, our lives are rapidly going down the toilet. We each have a podcast together called the Irish Goodbye Podcast. It's on gas digital network, rival, rival studio. It's not a rival. We're all together in there. All right. Well, I love gas. If it's between us and them, always choose us. Go, uh, I mean, listen, that's not what I just said. I think I, uh, gas digital network.com use code

IGP. The two of us really, we need money getting more than Bobby. Uh, wait a minute. I don't think that's hoodies for sale on podcast. Podcastmer.com slash IGP. Buy those, please don't buy the t-shirts. We just took a large loan to buy t-shirts to bring them to Skankfest. And as you know, that's been postponed. So we are in the red.

Buy some fucking sweatshirts. It'll cover your whole arm so you won't get corona. I'm Mike. What do you got? I'll be right back, Mike. Do you swore as and on his reign as, I don't promote another show. On your network.

Why are you, yeah, I know, but I don't make any money off those fucks. Yeah, I mean, sorry. Buy our albums and watch my stuff. I'm making a gift. You don't promote what I'm doing. You're doing my podcast. I'm on your podcast right now.

They don't need help. Ready to get into podcast. I'm on your podcast right now. They don't need help. Rage against a root. I'm just mad because I pictured by Christy fucking banging my wife now. That's why I'm sorry. God, do it again. You're just mad. I'll mail that back to you tomorrow.

It's worth an Instagram. You can hear me on Instagram. It's re-en as well. Fucking hit him. Look at my sweaty pits. Ugh. You really? Oh my god.

That's just anxiety of the unknown coursing through my body. That's actually just called Tuesday with you. All right, I have no dates to plug because this fucking thing took it out. Oh God, go to patreon.com, such Robert Kelly. Like I said before, if you're a fan of this podcast, I've been doing it for over 10 years,

for free every week. If you're a fan of this pocket, if you're a subscriber, we need around a thousand people. We got around three, 74, we need a half, more than half, to subscribe for the next few months. I hope you like it. We're gonna be putting content up there every week. We get our issue of fear, life in the shed,

coming in a couple of weeks. Jim Norton's life in this. You get to see the origin of the Kobe joke. Live from the shed is gonna be up there And we also gonna be doing shows tomorrow night with Mike Calta at eight o'clock from the shed So please go up there and join patreon.com Session Robert Kelly and be safe out there if you have any questions Please email me from the patreon or what's the other website Mike? Our our K patron at gmail.com. All right. We'll see you guys next time. Thanks so much. You know what, dude? Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliliparás! Vuelas de madrida, murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.