Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Upper Punch | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #09

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder join forces and talk about what they would do in an apocalypse, getting bullied by high schoolers, bro fans vs. nerd fans, Bobby challenges Dan to a duel at the gym, and so much more. Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz-ep-04-robert-kelly-dan-soder-luis-j-gomez/id371045355?i=1000634076160  SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast  https://robertkellylive.com/  https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/  Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/  https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/  https://twitter.com/luisjgomez  Joe List  https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy  https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/  Dan Soder  https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS Zippix https://zippixtoothpicks.com/ Use promo code: REGZ for 10% off!  My Bookie https://mybookie.website/TheRegz promo code: REGZ for up to $200 cash bonus! Capsulyte https://capsulyte.com/ promo code: REGZ for 30% off your order of $25 or more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. You're happy and you know it sucked my dick. Hey, that was funny. Did we put you on? Yeah. We didn't get that? We got that. We're live. We're back.

Welcome to... Wow, Joe's doing it? I like it. I don't like it when Joe does it. Why not? Let him come do it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Rags podcast, the hottest podcast on planet earth. I'm out.

The single most offensive podcast ever. We're not fucking. The most offensive. That's the region of snakes. See what he did? That's a skank. Let's just take the thing that. This is the funniest podcast.

God. The most real podcast. There's no. Real podcast is the most real. Well. Stay in your lane. There's no topics. There's no topics. There's no direction.

No topics, no nothing. We will be really funny and then we'll die. Oh, dude, it goes like this. Ababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababab What's up everybody? It's me Robert Kelly. We got aka the truth Joe List we get aka corporate Dan Dan Soda Hey, what's up, it's Robert Kelly aka the dude we got Joe List aka the truth we got Dan Soda aka Joe corporate. Ha ha ha ha ha. Hold on, let me hit my camera strike. Hey boys. We got Joe. I'm moving away from corporate. Louis J. Gomez, AKA the Rattlesnake.

Louis J. Gomez. Oh! AKA the power bottom. Wow, okay. All right, dude, I did the gay thing for you first. You're sort of stealing him back. I'm just kind of hoping if we want to go to a fire island this summer.

Just really take on fucking. have you ever been to fire island that's still real is that still exists Colin goes to fire island for like a month every summer Collins cake you know he used to go there Anthony Coo me oh yeah yeah because he thought that was crosses burning I was gonna say for target practice You're going on vacation back to Jamaica I'm going back to Jamaica Why do they know you now when you show up they got the real big problems here? Now they love me dude, I'm fucking great. I'm going to a different villa this time bringing the whole family Are you going?

You have to go to a different villa In demand that they were booked on the week that I wanted to go so I had to go to a different What do you mean the whole family? What's the family the whole family? Is he bringing everybody your sister me my sister who's not talking to me right now? Why why could you father because I lent her $1,000 Then she didn't pay me back when she said she was gonna pay back and I brought it up and she's mad at me somehow now That's what women do. It's fucking psychotic chicks, right guys I can't stand it's fucking what you need a thousand dollars for life. I mean, yeah, who doesn't need a thousand bucks at all times

She's one of these pocket money bucks at all times. She's one of these pocket money. You got a can on you? I'll take it. Yeah, dude. So, uh, you know, my sister, my niece, my son, my girlfriend, my aunt, and Maria, you're bringing your aunt. Is she being teleported? Her name is Enema. No, she flies, dude. It's a Puerto Rican name. It means waterfall. His aunt just shows up in Jamaica. She does disappear. My son's mother and then his step mother. His aunt just shows up in Jamaica on a couch. Dude, she does disappear. Isn't that what people say? My son's mother and then his stepfather as well. You bring in B?

Yeah. She got married? I just call him stepfather. How long have they, do you like him? Yeah, he's great. Eddie. Eddie. I love Eddie.

Yeah? I love him. Bobby and Eddie have a handshake when they see each other. They're like, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. And he's like, hey. Bobby likes, Bobby doesn't actually like Eddie. I do. Bobby pretends like Eddie more than he really does.

To make you mad. To make me mad, but it doesn't make me mad. I don't know. Bobby's racist. Bobby's actually racist. You should know that. Is Eddie black? He's dark-skinned Dominican.

Oh, all right. I love him. We smoke cigars. We talk. He's like, Bobby, let me tell you something about racing. Bobby, racing another man's boys, very difficult thing. Because I program him to not be gay. But if I want to, I make him gay.

I love Eddie hanging out with Dominican Lou. I just keep thinking of that Tracy Morgan character. Eddie's a good guy, you like Eddie. He's a great guy, yeah, but I gotta get back in shape because we're gonna be on the beach together You don't take your shirt off right? Personal trainer dude, he's shredded just fucking shredded. How far away are your villa from your ex's villa? Cuz you don't want to hear no, we're all in the same villa. Dude walls of walls are shaking, dude Oh, no

Bamboo you got a script with your girl they're gonna be competing fucking just hearing Eddie being like oh I come I can go for every if you want where you be into a little wife swap a risky? He goes, Hey, want to run it back? No, but like my dude, like my girl's body is righteous. Yeah. And Eddie's body is righteous. I don't know. You're gonna watch them like you got to keep them away. She's bleeding on the couch. Oh, god damn it! And he goes, are you someone else you're bleeding?

He goes, I'm just a shirt off, just a towel. Are you someone? Beatrice says it's good if I'm with other women. But body, you're more than a body, Lewis. Yeah. You're a fucking asshole. Bobby Lewis is a vibe. Beautiful lips, nice skin.

OK, just lips and lips. Honestly just honestly I tell you by your hit list It just I can just like touch the dirt and taste it know that you're you take them down good I'm a good lover yet. Yeah, you're central years essential I make love dude. Yeah, really do that. He just straight destroys concrete. Yeah, there's no there's no way There's no love involved with what Eddie can do to you. You're gonna hear that this weekend. They go we do puzzle reconstruction surgeries here on the island. No it's nice though we're fucking yeah so but I gotta get in shape so I'm doing a three-day fast now. So you're

doing this to impress Eddie? To impress Eddie. You know what? You're a real ass dude and you're being honest with us. Yeah. He can't look that much better than me. He's gonna look better than me on the beach no matter what. Yeah. There's no, there's no catching up. Yeah, you don't want James just saying some, some like side shit where he's like, Eddie looks like a superhero dad. And you go, shut up. He has Eddie to open shit for him. Yeah. Including shows. Yeah Yeah Eddie's a... I like Eddie but I like you more. I would take you in a situation. I would most certainly... If there was a fight at your house between you and Eddie, I would have a go back. It was the good son, you're

holding me and Eddie by our hands. Yeah, you're Elijah. You're Elijah Wood. I would back you up. I know you would. I would. Did you beat up Eddie you think in a fistfight no in a fucking tag match yeah in a breakdancing battle in a painting contest yeah yeah I probably think I could yeah Eddie is a personal trainer so there is the off chance that he teaches boxing too oh yeah you're gonna type yeah yeah yeah a real type Dominican fighters with decent body she's going over a checklist she goes do He teaches boxing too. Oh my God. Jesus, he's got a type. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a real type. Dominican fighters with decent bodies.

She's going over a checklist. She goes, do you randomly fight? Good. You would get gassed and that would be the problem. No, I have good fucking fight cardio, dude. I just did a fight. No, Lewis is unbeatable. Yeah.

I don't know about unbeatable. What do you mean unbeatable? What are you talking about? He's never lost. Undefeated, undisputed. Undefeated on his feet on undefeated. Yeah, never lost sure. Thanks Dan. What are you? Gomez not at all not in the least. I have zero interest in that. I'm saying Lewis has done a good job He is undefeated but unbeatable would mean that no one on this earth could beat him. I think I I'm pretty sure that I'm not unbeatable guys Would mean that no one on this earth could beat him. I think I

I'm pretty sure that I'm not unbeatable guys Thank you, that's all I'm not I'm not even a good fighter But he's never tapped into his kid rage. Oh my god tapped into that that's once that's like to lift a car off James Or to stop a gang now as somebody that's trained in fighting for many years and studied the art of what you know they all my meals with you if you know what i mean i'm doing other stuff outside here and fighting in raids he's becoming an old man at a bus stop before i was not actually beneficial the rage see people think that and and lewis can back me up we have a you see without your glasses both not great we both have it's i did a beat you take his glasses off

who are the lawyers like to feel you don't need eyes to fight lewis and i have similar background fighting the rage is a common this is a common misconception feels like i'd be back as as i'm angry and up trained fighter like myself in lewis work off of the rage. That's a that's a bad thing for you. Yes, he's not wrong about that Joe I am right well for some people like for Mike Tyson the rage helped him is he Trained fighter hey can we can I can I just question? This is all the work right like him and I don't think Tyson

I think at the beginning it was a work work, but I think Tyson right now tapped into old Tyson I don't think he's gonna go in there and fuck him up. I don't think he is though We're here this is what they do every time they are wearing headgear. They weren't headgear I'm here a headgear and eight You read the rumor and now you're fucking saying it like it's a goddamn fact that's exactly what I did saying it like it's a goddamn fact. That's exactly what I did. I heard one thing on Twitter and I've been passing it on as fact. And he did no research and then he just spreading this lie. We were not doing Go To The Moon either. Now Bobby, I heard they were fighting in an inflatable castle. It's true. 46 ounce gloves. It's at Chuck E. Cheese. Who's gonna

buy a fight with head gear? They're not wearing head gear. They're not wearing 18 ounce gloves. It's all dumb rumors. They're wearing 22 ounce gloves. It's all dumb They're wearing 22. It's gonna it's gonna be There weren't sumo costumes. That's so funny I really I don't like the man I become when I get in this sumo costume There like so there's no headgear and they were regular blood my taste He's like day four or five training and like they just show him like hitting pads and he's like day three motherfucker You really want this shit and it's like it's okay it doesn't even look that impressive I think so it is actually stumbled on a

character Jewish Mike Tyson what why do we this is so I'm sorry but if I'm gonna order a sandwich I think he looked unbelievable pull up the clip and then he says you still want to fight me motherfucker i know but he look like people are good on pads he's gonna always look good on pads but look at mike tyson on those pads compared to just jake paul on pads and jake paul looks better are we talking about how big the paul brothers nipples are? it really bugs me. wait he's fighting two of them? no but

logan paul's in wwe and their nipples are so big i don't know him. Ah! But they are only showing him like a couple seconds stop, couple seconds. He's not even sweating. They show him like a whole round. This is literally the beginning of a training session

where he looks good. But they show him at the end. There's no sweat in his shirt. They show him at the end. He's sweating at the end. But also, don't you think? He's sweating there. He's not.

I mean. Right there, he's sweating. Hit gives some people a lot. Is there any part of, is there any part of Jake Paul that just goes, fuck. There's gotta be. I don't know anything about Jake Paul. I don't think so. But he doesn't not look good.

That looks good, dude. That's fast. He's 50 something. 58. He's 58. I understand from your 58 year old mind you're going this is impressive wait you guys are the same age you and Tyson the same age no 53 he said he's being funny I'm just saying like you got a guy who's three 24 years old

You've a guy who's 24 years old who's like in the prime of his physical life actually 28 to 32 a guy who is 57 years old who in the Roy Jones Jr fight, wasn't able to fucking do anything impressive. Yeah, and Roy Jones Jr.'s off switches. That white guy, that McBride guy from years ago, fucked him up. We saw this happen. I forgot about the Roy Jones Jr. fight.

Jake's a good fighter. He's actually a good fighter. I understand that Tyson looks good on pads. And I think Jake Paul's going to embarrass him. You really think so? You think Jake Paul's going to embarrass Mike Tyson? I think he's going to embarrass him. I think he's, and I don't think, I think Jake Paul's gonna embarrass him. You really think so? You think Jake Paul's gonna embarrass Mike Tyson? Wow.

I think he's gonna embarrass him. Wow. And maybe out of respect for him, he won't knock him out and he'll just have boxing. Is there any chance, is there any chance that Mike Tyson just lands one and knocks him out? Yeah, there is a chance, I don't think so though. You don't think it's gonna happen?

Yeah, but so why wouldn't he knock, why wouldn't Jake Paul knock him out if he could? Cause that would be the epic moment to prove every, if he's gonna. If Jake Paul was smart, if he was good enough and smart, he wouldn't knock him out. he could because that would be the epic moment to prove every if he's gonna if Jake Paul was smart if he was good enough and smart he wouldn't knock him out because you remember when Vito Belfort knocked out of Vandor Holyfield yeah right it was fucking sad people like it wouldn't idiot dude it didn't do anything for Vito is like it wasn't

like oh dude he fucking knocked out of Vandor it was like oh no you beat up an old guy who's way past his prime so Jake Paul's getting that from everybody right now it's like everyone's been like, hey, you're a fucking herb. You're fighting a 57-year-old man. What's a herb? A herb's like a punk, a bitch. It's from the 90s. A herb. Herbs and slices.

I never heard of fucking herbs. You never heard of a herb? I never heard of a herb. No, I've never heard that either. I've heard rub. It came around the same time as like fat, P-H-A-T. Yeah. Yo, that's fat.

No, fat is old. That's old. Old, old. This is old. Herb is old. How old? That guy's a fucking herb that's old old this is old herb is old you know that has a fucking herb tool but what is it with tooling herb a tools a white herb yeah but what is the herb it's like a I know what a fool is what's a herb what is it like come from when I see any of my kid your herb Eddie's but what did you say what did you say? My friend, I do not like you call me a her. I love that you do Dominican.

He just did African. Why do you call me a her? I do not put herbs. Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis. I hate talking. Was I being too loud? I hate talking about fighting with people who know. Yeah.

Because in my brain, I'm like Tyson's going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out.

I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I'm going to knock him out. I hate talking fighting with people who know yeah because I don't like Tyson's gonna knock him out you know he's just be awesome and now he just fucking ruined it with facts yeah well it's also this could be on Netflix it's the whole thing is kind of bizarre and weird I just don't think that I just don't see the path to Mike Tyson beating Jake Paul. It's like what old porn stars come back Yeah, and you're like, oh she's oh Oh fuck man that old lady's getting fucking jackhammered Yeah, Tyson I just want him if we're fantasy booking this I just want him to fucking

I want that one What's that one movie steps in steps up and does the upper hook and knocks him the upper hook? Yeah, it's a little Bobby knows about fighting. He's holding an upper hook. He goes the mean what's the mean? What is the mean what's the mean what's the one where they're mean to each other? I'll beat you up. So did I get in there? you caught me in the first couple, you'd get me. I would fucking knock you out, Clint. Ooh, why don't you guys bounce? I'll fucking do it.

I'll do it. I don't have any interest in it. Those little hands can't hurt anybody. Bobby, sorry. Three one-minute rounds. Zero interest. Three? He's so small and old.

Yeah, one-minute rounds? I have Joe do it. I don't care. We don't weigh the same. What? I weigh 148. Do you weigh 148? That's my wife.

That's literally- You do not weigh 148. You weigh a former hot chick's weight. Coming in that hot chick! That's not a hot chick. Hot chick is 125. How many fives a hot chick? 148 is a middle-aged woman.

125 is, yeah. Remember Pat Dixon's old joke? He goes you ever fuck a pig? I mean like a fucking pig. I'm talking like hundred and thirty five pounds. That was great. Yeah, um, it's a funny joke. It's his joke. Don't fucking act like I just ate shit. I think we're having a good conversation. He stopped it down to bring up some old bits. I think we're having a good conversation. He stopped it down to bring up some old bits. I don't really know. Tyson knocking, it's not completely off the table, but you're saying there's no.

I just don't, I don't see. You really think you'd last with me? Bobby, I don't give a shit. All right, whatever. I don't fuck with you. You're not just fantasy playing here. I think if fantasy booking you, I think I would wreck your shit

if I tapped into my childhood anger. I've got length on you and I could just get you apart again with the childhood Anger, that's gonna. That's gonna get that's gonna make you gas Childhood mother love yes, you need to think about your think about your grandma. I don't like her Jesus Christ, did you just die last week? Did you kiss grandma? She died two weeks ago. Jesus Christ. No, I love her.

I love her. Yeah, I would think about playing gin rummy with her. It would calm me down. I'd get the flow going. Slow is smooth. What was the last fight you got into physically? Oh, middle school. I don't...

It was last week. It was with a middle schooler. I go by the school and pictures start shit What's up queer? He goes excuse me, sir So what's up, so what's up you bitch did I one time I got bullied By I want to say met like eighth graders like this very only this very recent This is like very recent

this is like maybe three years ago cuz James was going to school on the Upper West Side and I think I was like about to pick up James from school. Do you talk about the wrong one to try to bully? It was crazy. It was fucking crazy dude. First of all I was trying to be a good human being, okay? So here's what happened. I'm picking up James from school.

He gets out of school maybe at three. So I show up to the Upper West Side maybe 2.30. I have about a half an hour to kill before I'm picking them up from school. So I think I went over to the burger spot, the fucking... Oh, I know, Big Nick's. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, a Diet Coke or whatever and I see a bunch of like teenagers I see like maybe four or five white kids and two black kids right and they're kind of fucking with this Asian broad yeah I'm not the only voice guy on here he does impression breaths by the way you really do fall into shit the way

superheroes fall into stuff. Yeah. Where they go outside and he's like, those kids are, those kids need help. But with Lewis he's like, I don't know. Lewis would love to be a vigilante. This is an adult Asian. This is like maybe a 30 year old Asian chick and they're fucking with her. How are they, what are they doing? Like just yelling at her? What do they do? Grabbing at her? What do they do? I'm trying to remember what they did. I, But I stepped in. Yeah. Like Bruce Lee? I said fucking, I was like, yo, fucking chill.

What are you guys doing? Right? So they fucking kind of like run off, right? So then like a paper cup of water comes and hits. My feet. Classic. It splashes up. Classic eighth grade move, attack with water.

And these fucking kids just chucked a fucking cup of water at me so then I was like I was like that was that made their day let me tell you right now that's scattering around a corner with you going oh you have the perfect I'm being chased by a maniac I'm so slow and they're just teen boys yeah their reflexes are so fast. Look at this thing. Getting chased as a kid is the... We used to throw rocks at a tough university to play football. We used to go to the railroad track and get rocks from the... and throw them at them because it would just hit their helmets. Oh yeah.

And then they would chase us through the field. How fun is that? It's the only way you... as a child the only way you feel is being chased by an adult. I have been looking for a drug for 30 years. To chase, to chase. That gives me, I'm chasing the chase. Didn't you love getting chased? Yeah, of course, it's fun.

We had rock fights every morning. I think about this all the time. In eighth grade, every day, we had teams with rock fight. We just threw rocks at each other. Which, look, then you realize when you're 30s, you're like, oh, I am pure white track. You did not realize that. We used to make darts with needles and Q-tips.

And go to recess and threw them. That's very African of you. Yeah, Bobby was the center all high. Bobby, you are not supposed to do that at recess. You're supposed to rub it on a frog. That is for hunting. Bobby's like, we used to put giant bones on our lip and stretch our necks out with plates. Did you guys never put wings on your necks and extended it, did? You never ate the babies of a neighboring tribe?

Yeah, really? I did. I love that he throws the joke out and you just refresh it. It's cool. I love it. I said I like it. It's called the Poinc that's what we're gonna podcast. I love it. I said I like it. It's called the point guard of podcast, dude.

I fucking like it. I kind of felt like it was a little bit of a dig. He just dishes there and I just bang through this. I'm not good at passing, I still bounce pass. I like it. Bang. Lewis and I are writers. There's nothing fancy, nothing behind the back,

nothing through the legs. Bang. Bounce pass, there you go. Bang. I like it, I like it. What you guys don't see is the 500 shots I'm taking at home that's going to make Katie leave me. The problem is the amount of fucking traffic that I'm in, in that moment for me to keep

my composure, bounce pass in that moment, bang! It's a fucking duo, doggy. I think it's fucking great. I think one of my favorite parts of the show is that you come up with a funny premise and then he goes, I got it. Yeah. Bang! All right, gentlemen, let's take a quick moment to thank Capsulite for supporting today's episode of The Regs. We love Capsulite. This is a great

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Where were we? your order of $25 or more. All right. Where were we? Uh, dude, when we were in high school, we would get on my roof and throw water balloons at cars driving by because it's hilarious. It's very funny. If that happened to me now, I would go ballistic. We would egg cars. Oh, yeah. My car. I did. I get your car as an adult, an adult comedian that was trying to become friends with you. What did you egg as a car at Nate's in Queens? Whipped an egg off my car. I was like, bye Joe. I was like, watch this guys. Why did you have an egg? I ran in the house to get it because egghead over here needed to get egged. I had to act like it was fun. I was like, ah, that's funny.

And I know which street you took a right down to go to the highway just cursing the whole time. It was my 87 Buick Century. Just had egg fucking a shadowed on it. Joe's car was such a piece of shit, he just let me smoke inside of it. Yeah. You can fucking smoke.

I need a large hot black coffee, and I don't care who gets it, but it's gotta be gotten and he also needs a large hot wait for it black cock in his ass yeah do it boys I don't know you know what that one you guys are you guys are good together what I had Mike Tyson Jewish what are you crazy that was a review concept you and you also just concept Yeah, you said like Dyson. He's like he didn't even point guard it. He like handed to you on a plate He was like do Mike Tyson Jewish like a monkey. It was crazy. It was not a that's not coming up with a car Run in the one run in the two

Run in the one run into shooting guard point guard. The point is the three of us are a team Just us three inseparableseparable. The big three. Hey guys. Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett. Ray Allen. Bobby is a coach that molested us all. Yeah, you're Paul Pierce. Bobby brings us the Kevin Garnett.

And I'm Ray Allen. That was a good one. I liked it. You really did molest us. You went, don't tell anybody. Don't tell them I played with your meaners. And then we all find out out it's fucking good. Yeah I'll take another tea Damn, you guys are so in fucking demand. They can use some more if they're going he can use some more tea cells Get it AIDS. Oh, I got it. Now. What's testosterone? Are you guys taking testosterone? It's something everyone takes testosterone No, my tea I was gonna take it but my T's 400 so it's not my number. Mine was like 410. Yeah so you gotta go

200 when you go to 2 you're supposed to be anywhere from 8 to like 1200. If you're an athlete you're supposed to be over 800. Is 1700 bad? Yeah. Now every time I wake up I have a rock-hard boner. Dude I've been getting high school boners. Me too! Is it like the last rattle of the cage or what? I don't my girl today. We we come home from the gym and there's nothing that turns me on more than after she works out I know Even your sweaty ass like it's just my favorite fucking thing in the world I know that from the past three episodes you've brought it up So then she I do this I go to do this and she lets me and she lets me go to town I bend her over I fucking from behind and fucking getting all up in there dude. Oh my god smelly sweaty like a dog drinking

water. It's a comfy fucking then I go to put it in go to put it in and I could just tell she's not in the mood. I'm just I could just tell she's just fucking like be careful with this. So then I was like are you not in the mood? She was like not really. She said no and yeah and then I had to literally stop because then I felt like a rapist. She was going to let me do it. I then I was like, are you not in the mood? She was like, not really. She said no. And yeah, and then I had to literally stop because then I felt like a rapist. She was gonna let me do it anyway.

She's like, you can just go. And then I was like- I'll just stare at the ceiling. Yeah, dude, I had to stop. So dude, I'm also super fucking pent up right now. Oh my God. Like I'm ready. Why didn't you jerk off?

Because I had to leave the house. I couldn't, I was like, oh, I'm gonna jerk off right now. That was weird. No, it's not. You gotta go shoot the gun in the dirt. That'd be weird. Jerk off on her feet or butt or shoulder blade or something.

No. Why would that be weird? Her face. But jerk off in that moment. I jerked off, I tried to jerk off the other night. And I couldn't, I couldn't get it going. I've had that. You know what? I was actually like. Couldn't get a grip.

I couldn't. It's just the music's not there tonight, babe. I kept flopping it. Yeah. And it wouldn't get up. And I got it to the point and then it went down again. I couldn't get a thing. That's getting older.

That's just you, when you abandoned your first jerk. It was actually 3.30 in the morning too. That's like the first time you, that's the first time. I was at Mike Altus' house. No, I should have got you harder. If I come in the guest room, what's it supposed to be doing? That's like the first time you forget your age.

You remember the first time you'd be like, I'm 32. Yeah, that's mid-30s. You have to look it up. Both of these things are mid-30s. Yeah, it's a mid-30s. Mid-30s is, I remember the first time I gave up jerking off, I was like, I can just get more done right now. And then later I was like quick, but you know,

in the moment I was like, eh. You've never given up on one? No, I have, yeah. It's disappointing. I didn't have anything to add. How come everyone just stared at me? in the moment of it you never get up on one no i have it's disappointing and then and how can i want to stare at me is who we were reading the sui with through the road you and you and yeah uh... i thought about the ball yeah so that's a good idea that i had a lot of other story from earlier as the

coach throw the ball for the uh... or we're gonna get fucked in the shower with the earlier as the coach throw the ball or we're gonna get fucked in the showers please I'll do a voice any voice just not my own the bully after I got the surgery I said I don't think I might have sent it to you but I after I got the surgery I jerked off my gum was black oh you showed it to me on the bonfire what the hell it's disgusting it Like Eddie's? So you used to be a woman? That's how I imagine Eddie's comments, just motor oil, shoots out. You had a story from earlier.

It was black. It was because of the protein. I was eating so much protein, but when I came I thought my stitches came out. I thought something was happening bad, but I came, I took a photo of it and I had to send it to a doctor. You don't have black protein from eating too much,

you don't have black company in between. Yeah, that's what it's from. It's either that or cancer. Just timestamp this and just nip it right in the bud. I'm saying cut it. What's your story, what's your story? We got it. Joe's got a story.

Well you talked about the bullying by eighth graders, and maybe I told this story in the podcast before, you getting it ready? No, I was gonna Loosen the bandana. That's like clipping his gun. Yeah, both are throwing the towel for you. He said go ahead tell the story This is years ago, let's fly in this coffee for Lewis. Thank you. They didn't get you the tea you wanted though. Damn Okay, you still tell this story He's still wanted though. Damn. You okay? Can you still tell this story? Can you still? No.

It's just unbelievable. Joe wanted another tea, but he didn't say it the way Lewis said it, make it happen now. He was like, can I have another tea please? Ask for it like a human tea. Yeah, but when you do it like that, you will always get spit or cum in your mouth. That's what I want. I want spit and or cum in my mouth. Natalie spit? She's like, what if Natalie spits max has come into the coffee

She sucks off max just to fucking get back at me. She goes. I don't even like you. I don't like penises Yeah, that just sucking off max that's crazy That's I can't answer that I'm not cuz you've done it or my son's name is max I don't answer that. Why, because you've done it? No, because my son's name is Max. I don't want that clip. Yeah. Max, you ever get sucked off, dude? Yeah, dude. You did?

Of course he has. He's got a girlfriend. Yeah, but she sucks him off. He lays back and puts his hands behind his head. Or he just fucks faces. And grabs her hair and fucking rolls into his hand. You hear this noise? Yeah, grabs her hair and it comes out.

He goes, oh, oh my god. He just put it on the side of the wall, like a shower. rolls in here this noise it grabs a hair and it comes out side of the wall shower but your fucking loose what was your story so there i am eighteen years old just graduate high school with the commuter i grew up in whitman mass we take the commuter rail into boston and i'm just gonna be in the city i gotta be up there you know and i went to the burger king in Copley Square little fine

dining and they have a dining room upstairs upstairs yeah so I order my food I get a tray foods like I don't know 11 45 in the morning 12 30 p.m. nice Burger King lunch just graduate high school I feel like a man because I'm out in the city alone it's such a the first six months of being out of high school you just like to the world is my oyster. Absolutely. So I go up to the dining, they're like, additional seating upstairs. I'm like, I'm gonna go up and get a view of the square

because this complex square is very lovely. I'm gonna people watch, maybe I'll get an idea for a joke. I just started doing comedy. And I walk up there and there's just like 60 black, inner city youth high school kids on a field trip or doing something. I love that he kept adding adjectives so it's not racist. Soccer club, maybe the debate club.

Probably debate club, I don't know, but I just... Good kids from a good family, they happen to also be black. Sure had dads, but I couldn't just turn around and leave. I couldn't be like, whoa! Yeah, you could. Well, now I would. A 40-year-old white guy I go. Oh you just sat down I sat down in the window as planned and they just get a loudly back. Oh, I forgot ketchup

They just whipped french fries and fucking milkshakes and rappers at me and so I ate as fast like I took me like nine minutes Hey, yeah, I stayed I was like NWO on the Eating and shit was hitting you it doesn't affect me say anything you just whipped in the head with french fries you just let it happen Joe you just wait I eat the fries I like onion rings jokes on you I enjoy milkshake I fucking well you know I guess I was on the wrong side of the busing argument then. At this point, I actually weighed 135 pounds and there's literally like 40, I would say

40 kids. Just go downstairs. No, I wanted to be a man about it. I was like William Wallace. That's very manly seeing you have food thrown at you and you're just taking it. I was giving them a good time. I was of service William Wallace. I've very rarely seen you have food thrown at you, and you're just taking it. No. I was giving them a good time. I was of service to the community. Hey, why is this one fucking table trashed?

And they go, all those black kids were throwing it at that weird skinny kid. That kid with a dream. Did you get a joke out of it? No, but we are 25 years later. This is a pretty good story. Were you like, how did it start? Were you looking out the window like, ah, fucking Boston, and then just a fry, and they're like, what's up, Peck-a-Wood?

No, as soon as I walked up, I was like, oh, I'm a goner. Cause they were like, look at this motherfucking skinny ass bitch, and I was like, ah. Go back downstairs. Go back downstairs. No, I just sat there. Which I had another one too in Minneapolis. I made love to one African American woman.

She was actually African, and we made love. Put your little dick inside of made love I don't know what that is that's just why that's crazy that was what you need to learn is she was actually raised in Indianapolis Christ Joe I don't even know that's like Kamala that's like the original black person There's a wall. They're all laughing. They're all laughing. They're all like you can't bomb. No Bob Dana when the room laughs. That's the racist bomb Dana. We should always have a racist. That's the clan Dana. The racist of rags. I'm gonna get a clan hoodlan hood. No, clan. Dan is better. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Max, get that. You have to wear a clan. If you don't race this and it doesn't get a laugh with the thing open. So your face is there and you're just in a clan hat. So there was blue Jay Okerson. If he had, if he has me, I don't think it's anywhere near blue Jay Okerson. No, it's not blue Jayakeson. People still just comment on my video.

I put up a video and people like blue J. It worked. That's the best part. Blue J. Oakeson was gold. Now, but I was walking her or maybe she walked me back. I can't remember. It was just like literally 20 years ago, but we were walking through her neighborhood and all these guys were like, that's your man. No way. That's your man. What are you doing with this? Motherfuckin your parole officer? I'm not her man. I'm just, you know, I'm hoping to lay it down. Guys had one night. Good luck. Yeah. Very funny. And you loved it. It was great though.

It was nice. You know, I don't know. I was drunk and a kid. I didn't enjoy sex in my twenties. I was drunk and feeling like your dick was burning. No, I was drunk and a kid. I didn't enjoy sex in my 20s. I was drunk and feel your dick was burning No, I was before I tried to give you a thing, but I didn't get I went you ever did a black dick Yeah, yeah date when or hook up with come on When I was in Tucson, I dated a date a girl who's black for how long like this sounds like the old She goes to a different high school. No, she was African too. Really? Yeah, she was Ethiopian. Bro, we're like, with an I. Ethiopian? Yeah, she was in Ethiopia. Where's Ethiopia? Ethiopia is just south. It's on the continent of, uh, never happened. Is that near

Mount Ethiopia? She, I touched her hair during a blow job. I'm so hungry. Give me, give me, give me, please give me something to eat. She got very mad at me for this is really bad I mean, this is the one I'm doing my african woman impression. That's not good We've been all worried about the ones from 1989 these ones were fucked. Yeah, dude At least that one we complete ignorance. We could be like it was a different time I hope Eddie sees this and treats you different in Jamaica Then I hope he plays it for everyone in Jamaica and they're mad at you. I hope Eddie sees this and treats you different in Jamaica. Then I hope he plays it for everyone in Jamaica and they're mad at you too.

I hope Eddie brings his aunt, why you talk like that? Yeah, well she's Dominican, right? Yeah. She looks black. He does look black. He looks black. I thought he was black.

I didn't know he was Dominican. Why, did you try to give him like a fist pound? You're like, my man. Yeah, what up, baby boy? Dominicans are black. Some of them. Nevermind. Yeah, Bobby, Bobby, why you treat me like that, Bobby? What up, baby boy? Dominicans are black. Yes, sir. Some of them. Nevermind.

Yeah, Bobby. Bobby, why you treat me like that, Bobby? I know his Spanish. I know blah. Do I look like an African? Have you? Do I look African to you? Do I look African American?

I'm good at walking, Jace. Am I good at staying in shape, Jace? Jace. It reminds me of, like what you're doing reminds me, remember Joe Boo? Yeah. No, not Joe Boo. From Major League.

Major League. Serrano, Pedro Serrano. Serrano. Fuck you, Joe Boo. I do, one of my only impressions, I do the music. Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo. That's problematic. Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo.

That's racist. That's the music. That's how plays when Eddie shows up. That's so funny. You just have rum out there. You go, what is this? You're trying to tell me Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball? Pull up a clip, that's the music. You'll hear it.

That's what Dante comes up to. And then that guy went on to be the president in 24 and then the Geico or whatever guy. You're in good hands with Allstate. That's fucking hilarious. That's true. Yeah. Fuck you, Joe boo, I do it myself.

Have you dated a black girl? Yeah, the girl that I dated during the beginning of the pandemic was this hot fucking big booty black chick. Nice. Thick. What about you, Boston? My first girlfriend, Janee McKay, was black. Janee McKay, is she an Irish name?

Is she black Irish? No, I think that was her slave name. Jeanine McKay, is she an Irish name? Is she black Irish? No, I think that was her slave name. Jesus Christ! No, I think that's right. No, it's true. Yeah, I went with a black name. No, that's true. You just scientifically checked that between each other?

The other Boston guy? No, no, it's fine. No, fucking, that works. That's right. I, this girl Debbie from sixth grade, I hooked up with her after I... Bobby, that was a box of cakes She was little a little Debbie

I've hooked up with her a lot I got an on and off thing for her years That's the woman that dawns jealous of About these sluts on the road is that little bitch little Debbie and you're fucking Betty Crocker. Who's that? Who's Betty Crocker? And then you go gay and you date Drake Drake's we got a coffee Yeah, the girl named Debbie is my other seat coming or not black black black girl

Oh, she had an afro to no no weave or nothing. Yeah Natural hair Bobby was real into the natural hair. She was so hot. You were laying on her silk sheets. I met her when I was later in life, when I was 18, 18, at a club. We were at a club. Remember? Did you call that later in life? Well, when I got sober. After I got sober, from when I went to the Juve Hall

rehab for like 14 months, and then I got out. And then I went to, what was it? What is the? The town? What was it? Zanzibar? Remember the clubs down by Fenway? Oh yeah, Lansdowne. Lansdowne Street, Lansdowne Street was all the clubs were

and I went to the club, she was there, and we wound up hooking up and we went back to my house. I live with six retarded guys. And she came in and she sucked my dick. I made us two cappuccinos, because I had a cappuccino maker. in the morning I made us two cappuccinos cuz I had a cappuccino maker. Wow, I made these awesome pretty dangerous in the house with some specials Yeah, I put them down and she sucked my dick. You just hear the steam thing. Oh, he goes. It's burning my hand, Bobby I want to burn baby Nothing says abused childhood like saying later in life when I was 17.

Yeah. And she sucked my dick, swallowed my cum, and then spit my cum into the cappuccino I just made her. Oh, that's so fucking hot. That's not hot. Oh, I want to drink that. Did she do it like, ta-da? She went, pfft.

And it was just in the cup. And I had to clean it. Oh. Fucking gross. I put that on my Danish. Joe goes and thank you. Alright in a nice little serving cup. Oh oh. We always devolve into eating cum. You know what we should do? I got an idea. Do we? Clip that. episode, right? That's the promo for the show. Fun challenge.

Next week, or next month, we do a clean episode. Well, can we make an announcement on the show? What? Right? We're clean, we got bought out by Disney. No. Disney Plus, the show will exclusively be on Disney Plus, presented by May Faggetse.

We're gonna start doing two episodes a month. Is that right? We all confirmed that? confirmed that yeah, Joe was your fucking problem. You were the one that was in from the beginning I thought no Dan that was the problem. I was never a problem You guys are asking for more episodes we're gonna do two a month every other week down every other week Wednesdays are gonna come out every other week. Yeah. Yeah, my podcast kind of comes out on Wednesday So I thought we're gonna talk about that, but what time does your podcast come out? I don't know, fucking 10 a.m.

Oh, this'll be at night. Great, great. You don't wanna do it? It's not gonna work. What's your problem, Joe? Every other weekday scheduling will be a problem at times, but we will get through it because we are four friends. I thought this was all confirmed, Bobby.

You came back, I thought it was all confirmed. I talked to him. Let's talk face to face over here. I tried to fucking yell at me. I talked to him. They said, yeah. Looks like I'm not the problem. No, it's great.

Why don't we, I got an idea. How about we do this? We do it once, we record three hours, we just change outfits. That sucks, Joe. I love that. Why does that suck? That is soulless.

That's a Tuesdays with stories type thing to do. Wow. Fucking put him in the can. Put him in the can. We've never done that. Put them in the can. Put them in the can! We've never done that before. Put them in the can! Wow! With Joe and Mark.

Wow! Legion of Stanks versus Tuesdays with stories. Literally, we've never done that once in 11 years. Tuesdays with fucking stories we've probably heard before. Oh! Don't do this. Don't let him do this. I'm sorry, we're working a lot.

Oh! That one wasn't that good, but I'll still follow you. Oh. We're busy. Yeah, dude. You're all busy, dude. Monday afternoon, nobody's busy. We're fine. Life is busy.

No one's busy on Monday afternoon. Yeah, who's busy on a Monday? What are you doing on a Monday afternoon? Usually, I don't know. So it's raising your child. Doing drugs, making money. Can anyone spot the difference here? Damn.

Oh. Oh. raising your child doing drugs. Anyone bought the difference here? Damn. Oh, Natalie. Thank you. I miss Danny. I miss Richard. Magic Danny. I miss this. But I am not Kelly for stuka. Imagine Kelly was here.

I mean, we got to bring her back. Can we just fly her out? No guests. It's not a guess. We'll ever be honorary match. There was just one episode where we started and fucking Kelly was sitting there with her dumb. You want me to call her? Yeah, what is it, like two in the morning there?

Is it? I don't know. What is she doing? She's just got a regular... Dan doesn't want you to call because he still has feelings. He's like, what? It's like two in the morning I think. It's definitely not there. I gotta Skype her when I get home. I think she's mad at me. Why? Really? I don't know. I don't think she's mad at me. Why is she mad at you? Really?

I don't know. Who's your skinnier than her now? It was Bobby and that wasn't very nice that you went under the knife to do that. Why is she mad at you? Bobby, you were supposed to be the fat one. I don't know. I think she's just, you know. Should we send her a care package? Of what?

Me kiki's? Tim Tams? Tim Tams are awesome. Oh, they're the best. Dude, she can bring so many fucking good Australian chocolates back. We'll have her burrow it back. We stopped talking about food right now. I'm dying. Yeah. 72 hours, 72 hours. Just so you can look hotter than your ex's new man. Yes. I had the guys from a bakery bring me back croissants to the show this weekend and I couldn't

eat them. She like crust breads, all bread, fresh baguettes. You can't. I couldn't eat them. She like, bread, all bread, fresh baguettes. You can't? I didn't have any. You don't just fuck your shit up? Well I had a little, I had a bite out of one of the croissants, you know, because they made all this shit, so I didn't want to be an asshole. So I had a couple bites, but I couldn't.

Croissants are one of those things, man, they have to be fantastic for them to be. Yeah, I love a croissant witch so much from like Dunkin' Donuts. Oh yeah. Sausage egg and cheese croissant with a little salt pepper ketchup. Dude, the bodega by me in Astoria used to do this.

If you got there early enough on Saturday mornings, they would still have croissants. They'd do a bacon, egg and cheese on a croissant and fucking. I'll eat a. I would get up. A fresh baguette. I'd get four of them.

A fresh baguette. Fresh baguette. I'd eat a fucking croissant with cum all over it. Hell yeah dude. Do you wanna eat cum? Do you want a little cum dude? Talk with the class please. I need a fucking croissant with come all over it. Hell yeah dude. Do you want to eat cum? You want a little cum dude? We never bring up cum?

You're the one who's bringing up eating cum. Oh yeah, Joe wants to eat cum because he says he wants to eat cum all the time. That's exactly it. The best breakfast I think I've ever had in my entire life was just a spoonful of cum. Joe's going, oh bowl of cum, say bowl of cum. No, it was at the Driscoll in Austin. Yeah. Their fucking restaurant, they do the eggs Benedict they

have, it's called the Benedict. Benedict Cumberbatch? It's called, no, it's called, it's called the Paris Benedict, and it's just the fucking poached eggs over fucking croissant with the fucking bacon. Dude, it's the best thing I've ever had in my entire life. I'm going to fucking come in my own mouth right now. Joe?

Yeah, dude, I'll hold your ankles. Joe goes, it'll work! It'll fucking work! Croissant's got me there! Dude, I'm so hungry I'm going to die right now. Why? I can't go 72 hours, this is crazy. Just eat you fucking idiot crazy. No manja

You just have an eating disorder because you want to impress your boyfriend. I ate so much food last night Would you like a rep would you eat? That's probably stupid. I had Chinese food Joe again, I had the the corned beef and cabbage Irish Hoppy st. Patrick's Day, Robert. Fucking love it. Fucking A. I like a nice stewed carrot. My farts are so bad today.

Oh yeah. Real ass stewed. Damn, do corned beef hash, corned beef when it's done well? I like corned beef gash. Yeah, pussy. Irish chicks with pussies. Fucking get in there with me lips all spread open Have you guys been to Ireland every girl has bright blue eyes and jet black hair?

It's so fucking hot translucent skin And freckles as far as the eye can see so to really helped you out there. I didn't even really do anything What are you looking at me like that for Joe I want you to come at me Come in my mouth somebody Joe's a little cum goblin If I was a woman it would be fucking oh my god Such a gross piece of shit. She would be so gross if I was a woman I would make my I wouldn't be able to wake up without a load shot into my throat I would be the fucking coolest lesbo you've done ever.

No, I wouldn't be a lesbo dude. I'd be fucking covered in hot cum. Play the game. You've got to be a lesbian. Come on. I'm just saying right now, I'd be like this. I'd show up and I'd just ruin your guys' fun. I would go, you guys are all boy crazy.

Dude, I would pick out an ugly guy every day that I would give a hand job to. That's how I feel. Every day. He would just take Ubers to suck their dicks. You're right. I would absolutely have my personal trainer as my side piece if I was a woman. That's how I feel. Every day. He would just take Ubers to suck their dicks. You're right. I would absolutely have my personal trainer as my side piece

if I was a woman. You have a personal trainer? No, but if I did, I'd want to be in shape. My husband would probably be some boring dude. I'd be a whore. We'd all be whores. Dan took this to a weird place. Yeah.

Who do you think it sucks? You guys are talking about sucking off right when you woke up. Who do you think it'd suck the best dick here? If we were. We've done this before. It's Lewis. Yeah. Who do you think it sucks? You guys are talking about sucking off right when you woke up. Who do you think it sucks the best dick here? If we were... We've done this before. It's Lewis. Absolutely. You and Lewis are one in one a. Yeah those lips it's not even a contention. I love that Lewis just licked his lips. Every time you say Lewis's lips he licks them. Yeah my problem would be my head would get stuck with the weight. Your nose would get stuck in his balls. I go I can't breathe baby. Baby I can't breathe, baby. Baby, I can't breathe, baby. My mouth's not big enough. My nose gets shut when I blow you, baby.

I go, ah. I love that you picked your girl voice. Baby, your balls are too big, and they smother my little nose, baby. This is really immature. What did you think this was? I know, we need to grow up. What are we doing here, guys?

Let's grow up. You know, Rogan and these guys, they're we doing here, guys? Let's grow up. Shut up, Bob. Rogan and these guys, they're out there fucking changing the world with Protect Our Parks. And we're here talking about fucking flat-nose blowjobs. What the fuck's going on, dude? I can't breathe, bebe. Do you see?

Do you see? I agree. We need to shut down and start over. I think all clean. Holy clean episode. Ow, bebe. You're so. Adam, Protect Our Parks, who do you

think can suck the best? Shane are you Rogan cuz Rogan is like he's competitive. I feel like steam room You like Norman would give you the same consistency Normal be like an autistic fucking just read them just bump. Yeah, and then I would suck it good I'd be like if already was in the mood. No, are you be a dick? You like tap your balls to be funny. You would finger your ass without telling you. You go, you're going to be about to come in. Ari's going to be like, no, I'm not going to finish. Sorry. I don't want to finish. No, I'm not going to finish. Sorry. Enjoy your blue balls. That's good. That's good. Ari. He pulls a prank. It's so obviously Rogan.

He's like a fucking push it to the limit. Who is it? Who is it? It's Rogan Shane. You're saying Joe Rogan's gay. Joe is just saying that right now. I'm not saying he's gay. I'm saying the best Dick out of those four men. I hope the next time you're in Austin, it's, it's a karate kick to the head. I hope he invites you on the podcast and he just locks the door and you're in his dojo. It makes you suck his dick. I hope that too. I don't think you're, you're not deterring the cum goblin. I don't know if you guys know this, but he's like, what was the, the Zoid from Domino, think you're you're not deterring the cum goblin Yeah, I don't know if you guys know this but he's like what was the the Zoid from Domino, but you're like that with cum No, all right. Well, I'll be locked you in his fucking good to have you back

Zoid I hope he locks you in his flotation tank and it's just full of cum I would love to use the tech. He always shows me all the stuff. I never get to use I know like this my bow and arrow. He's like me all the stuff. I never get to use. I know it's like this my bow and arrow. He's like, he's like, he's like this thing right here. This tank is like, it'll like blow your mind. And I'm like, all right, invite me in. Let me use it. I tried and then he's just like, Nope, let's move on. That's Joe with come. What is that? I don't get it. That's you annoyed dude. There's a C on your chest instead of a dumb. That's me. You know what you gotta do annoyed, dude. It's annoyed. There's a C on your chest instead of a dome.

That's me. You know what you gotta do with Rogan? You gotta flip it. And I go, look at this wallet. This wallet is so cool. And he goes, let me see it. And I go, no, no, I'm sorry. Sorry, it goes in my pocket.

You gotta use reverse psychology. Like Joe, Joe, you won't give me $3 million because I will right now. You go, prove it. Didn't he give somebody a watch? He gave somebody a fucking $30,000 watch on the fucking podcast. No.

Yeah. Look that up. He gave him the Omega moon watch, but it's like a $30,000 watch. You can't get it. Where on the back, the moon, the actual ship goes to the moon on the back of it. This sounds completely made up.

$30,000 watch, 100%. He goes, ah, take that, that's yours. Gave it to the guy. God, I really couldn't. Because the guy didn't have a watch. He gave me no reaction to any of my jokes. Right there. That's a-

Lex Friedman. Lex Friedman, he gave him, I think it's a $30,000 fucking Omega watch. That's yours now. That's an Omega, and that has a moon phase. See that moon in the bottom of it? That's yours now that that's an Omega and that has a moon phase see that moon in the bottom. That's yours That's yours. You see the moon on the bottom of that's question. I'd ask you That was the brief studio. That's my favorite watch by the way Wow see the moon in the bottom of it Yeah, that is the actual moon. It's a $30,000 watch high-resolution. Can we give each other gifts like that? Hold on, hold on. And as the moon rises, it will rise.

It's set in the position where the moon is currently. Oh, that's awesome. Fuck yeah, it's awesome. Take that piece of shit, stupid fucking frisbee you got on your wrist. You can't. I'm going to wear a fucking swatch next time. This is so funny.

I come in and it just was like. I'm going to write the time on my hand. With shit? I'm going to be like, dude, one second. I got to look at the sun. And then I'm going to give Joe surgeon hands the whole time I'm gonna write the time on my hand with shit. I'm gonna do one second. I gotta look at the Sun I'm gonna give Joe surgeon hands the whole time What's that? Are you ready to podcast? I'm gonna have a couple the grosses come

Just drawing solid how look that really got me dry, it's all solid. How, look that watch up. That got me, that really got me. That got me too. Woo. Sometimes I think I'm funny. You got a watch from Louis, Louis gave you. I know, I told you, it's in a box in a closet.

Can I buy it? Yeah, buy it. Are you real into watches? Yeah. Like, you got real into them? I got a lot of watches. He hasn't been friends with Rich in three years, cause Rich got a watch.

Yeah, Rich took my watch, you know that. That's not it. That's the cringe humor, jewelers. That's a great watch. That's an Omega, but that's all gold 42 It's a it has the moon that goes up over the the ship that go the rocket that goes over the moon Yeah, I love watches. I think I fucking think they're great And it's like you're it's a great investment too because you can actually enjoy the investment This is what we tell it is what we tell our wives when we spend money on watches because an investment Yeah, max is just a lie max when he's all you can actually enjoy the investment. This is what we tell our wives when we spend money on watches, because it's an investment.

Yeah, Max is just a lie. Max, when he's like, when Max is 47 and Bobby dies, Max is going to be like, credit box, a watch. Zero value. That have all depreciated in value. There's a handful of watches that appreciate value. Most don't. No.

Omega's don't. Omega does, though that one he gave him the Snoopy does. There's certain Omegas that do Snoopy. There's certain like... Why do you keep saying Snoopy? And not every Rolex appreciates value. Not every Rolex does, but certain ones do. God, watches are gay. I like thin wrists. I like it. I like watches. He's got a great watch. Give that to him. That one right there? For you Dan. Is that a Rolex? No. It's not interested in. But look how thin my wrist is. Looks good on you Dan. It's nice. Take out a couple things. Hey Joe, here's a Rolex. You can have that. You're gonna give him your Rolex dude? Let me see. I'm sorry, did I give it to you? Yeah. That one's too dainty.

Does it make me look more one's too dainty. Does it make me look more adult? That one's a real poor joke. Does it make me look more adult when I'm podcasting? It makes you look. I've got a new voice. It looks bad. It looks good on you.

It's all you need to look like put together is a nice pair of sneakers and a watch and you could be wearing a t-shirt and jeans and you just look fucking slick, Dan. You need a nice watch, Dan. I'm gonna ask Mike McDaniel to give me one of his watches. He's got all these fancy ones and everyone's always like, oh look at McDaniel's watch.

And this motherfucker hasn't called me back the last few times I've called him. So now I need a watch. Yeah, tell him that's a football player, right? Yeah, he's the football coach. Yeah, he'll give you a watch. Look at us, let's cheer his watch. No, no, no, do that.

Oh, is that bad? What the fuck is wrong with you? No, the magnets will fucking demagnetize each other. That's made up. That's made up. I'm stupid. I know the watch is and then I was talking. I'm not in the water and I went, Oh my no the magnets will fucking demagnetize each other Look at that that looks good on you Joe, that's nice Joe. That's a that's a big I should wear mine You should busse hear me out. Yeah

Watch how we feel about that if I went oh,, it's a 345 and then I put it back I don't know how to take it off. I have like a stopwatch from a gym coach in the 80s You go when you were on the neck. There you go. That's pretty fast time As as you're getting blown. Yeah, you showed some real progress there Watches yeah, watch it good. I love watches. I love watches. I like knives I have an I have a knife collection You're a fucking you're an asshole dude. Why you want a knife? My father was stabbed to death. He's a shit, dude You want a knife? That's like saying I like cancer. That's fucking grandma just out of cancer. No, she didn't she died a renal failure

I love renal failure Reno failure renal is kidney. You should see my ticket sales in Reno Are you going to Reno? Reno is fucking terrible. I want to go to Reno what movie? I don't know It's Kingpin remember oh, yeah But I want to go to Reno Reno could be like anything. I don't know if it's like this distinct What do you got in there? What do you got, heroin? Are you shooting heroin again?

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And remember, you must be 21 or older to order. And nicotine is an addictive chemical. Zip more, smoke less with Zipix nicotine toothpicks. Boom. Where were we? Back to the show. I always have a knife on me. What?

This is a nice one. Let me see that. Does it always match your outfit? Does it always match your outfit, you actual ****? You actual fucking homosexual. You're matching your accessories. Some people like sneakers. I like knives.

This knife is fucking sick. That can't be street legal. What? Yeah, it is. It can't be your palm. It can't be bigger than your dick. The cop makes you pull your dick out. If it's longer than your penis, you're gonna rest it. Can you give me one of these?

That's actually illegal for me then. I can't let you have this. Did you say illegal? Like he said Ethiopia Ethiopia, it's illegal in Ethiopia Watch your tone. It's Ethiopia. It's Ethiopia. What is this? Can you give me one? You put the gun out! I should have done it! Oh!

Oh! Men are just like fucking, we're kids. Yes. Fire, knives, things that explode. Guns, guns, I'm getting into guns now. No. Yeah, I bought a bunch of guns when I went to New Hampshire. I went into a gun shop and I was like-

What did you buy? I go, can I get that? He goes, yeah. I go, can I get that? He goes, you can have anything in this store you want. You have dual residency, New York and New Hampshire. I was like, fuck it, give me that, give me that, give me that, I bought one of those,

you know those ammunition boxes? I bought 500 rounds of ammunition, I brought it all back. Probably those are Swiss rolls. Yeah, he goes, this guy bought candy, thinking they were bullets. Fuck that idiot. Yeah, I bought a, he's like, this man bought 8,000 Tootsie rolls.

Yeah, those things are gonna go bad. This fucking guy. Sounds like you're on an rolls. Those things are gonna go bad. This fucking guy. Sounds like you're on an ammumission. I like it, Joe. Ammumission? Ammumission was good. I bought a 380. 380, uh...

Dude, don't mess around. Your PR blood will get me sliced up, dude. And then I'll have to litigate. I'll have to use my white blood to litigate you. I bought a shockwave shotgun. It's a shotgun with a goose head handle, so it's almost like a legal sawed off. What is this for, Bobby?

And then I bought a AR-15, and I bought a 380. For what? Easy Smith Wesson handle. For what? To have, man, to have, because if they have it. That's what you bought? Because what? I don't know, what are you fighting, the Terminator they that's what you bought because what?

Terminator let him finish it because what I? Like guns. I like shooting guns. I go to the range. I love it. I want maxin how to shoot. He wants to hunt So Max wants a hunt. He wants to go. That's sick up in the Hampshire. That's sickening. Yeah humans I think it's something you should know. I think you should know how to murder. You should know how to animal You should know well, what have you ever killed an animal? No, so who's the Gideon man hunt well, I'm gonna go hunting with him Gun club next this was it this month this month. We're going up and joining the gun club up there. There's a gun club You've never killed anything. He's gonna go to a class to learn how to shoot and

Hunt and we're gonna learn all the regulations and all that shit. No, I've never killed anything No, I don't I don't know if he would I don't think he would want to kill anything But he wants to learn how to shoot and we're gonna go out with a he has a bow. He has a compound bow We're gonna go shoot He's a compound bow, we're gonna go shoot. Compound media bow? Yeah. You don't think it's important to know how to, what if fucking the electricity goes out?

What if something happens? Oh no, no, no, listen, I agree with you. The sentiment. I don't wanna be. Electricity goes out, so shooting at my cable bugs. Turn on, turn on, turn on. You, I understand the sentiment and I agree with it. Like, you want your kid to be prepared you also if when the electricity went out

in 2003 after 9-eleven that freaked me out because The blackout because around nine o'clock the city there was no lights There was no street lights people were almost getting killed the stores were giving away food Because it was all the freeze of the everything was Everything was getting given away because it was going bad. It wasn't that bad. It was bad. It turned at around nine. I wasn't scared at all.

Yeah, because I was one of the ones to be afraid of. Yeah, you were a 20-year-old. You were the one. I was like in The Purge. I'm like one of the people in a clown mask who's swinging a chain. Yeah, you go, The Purge isn't bad. You just got to go find a doll face to put on a mask.

And it gets so fruitful. This guy's acting like the fucking version of Santa. You dress up like dolls. You find this station wagon filled with the family, terrorize them all night. What is this guy? I mean, you couldn't, we walked up from 11th to 9th, pitch dark, couldn't see in front of your face people just walking up I don't think they're doing that. I called it. We actually we I'm not exaggerating

Someone came up behind dawn and this girl is a bell and just went And somebody grabbed her ass couldn't see who it was couldn't see there's no one's ass No, the other girl's ass. Don has an effing ass. Now everybody's got it. Don's ass, I'm gonna grab my ass, it's better than Don's ass. Now everybody's got a flashlight, so you can be like.

Yeah, but people on the 40th floor of all these buildings, there was no lights going up. You couldn't take the elevators. I lived on the top of them. You couldn't take the elevator, you had to walk. This is when I lived in Brooklyn in the penthouse. I lived in the penthouse on the top floor in like an office building, me and buddy forest and we had a it was just

six floors but it was a sure was being racist he goes Lewis wanted to be hateful did you drink my dr. pepper you stupid Puerto Rican. He hated me. He hated me as I remained. I want to start running again to get away from you. You're a real ass dude. Mama always said finding a roommate was like a box of chocolates. Mama always said that Puerto Ricans are stupid and she was right she's just an old racist lady lady in Alabama Mama never told me that some of the chocolates could be full of shit Did they ever bring up if forest was in fact racist you just hit it and all those stories? No, he was Dude, yeah, but that bubble made him rich too, dude He goes I don't mind the ones that work for me. Yeah, some of them are good. Some of them. They're too fast I don't like how quick they move. Your skin looks like chocolate.

I cannot eat you. But you're on the top floor. But you look so delicious. No, I was on the top floor and we had to walk up. And I remember I wanted to go to the deli to get a flashlight. And I just got upstairs and I was like, fuck dude, I gotta go all the way back down and go all the way back up.

But it was kind of fun. Like I was, this is, I was like fuck dude I'm gonna go all the way back down and go all the way back up but it was kind of fun like I was this is I was 21 maybe at the time like it was a fun fucking thing when that blackout happened if you weren't like working or doing anything it was just like people were just partying in the street if that went for a week the city would have been chaos yeah the city would have been fucking chaos so if we get a blackout Bobby comes in I'm sorry in. I'm sorry. I'm gone. You know what dude? I'm gone.

I called it. Yeah, I got 500 ammo, that's what dude. Dude if the electricity goes out. If someone takes your gun then you be like. Me and Donna are fucking up at the tiny house. We're done, we're gone. That's the thing. I bet you stay at your regular house.

No, we're gone, fucked for what? The city is far away from your regular house. It's only four hours Jump in the car the rule we already we had a thing back then after 9-eleven me and dawn had a plan anything ever happens Walk up the West Side Highway. I wait for you. You wait for me, and we we go she I caught so I'm waiting We're literally the way though. What's that? We're in the West Side Highway I was we were at 43rd be between 10th and 11th So you're just like go to the West Side Highway go to to the West come go to the West Side Highway that way. I know you're on that side

So I called her at like 4 o'clock. I'm like, where the fuck are you? She's like, oh me and the girls are getting margaritas downtown They're having a special because I was like fuck you. That's so funny that margarita specials ruined your apocalypse plan I was like get the fuck up. I don't know. It's like half off for sassy gals. We didn't Margaritius will make you a whole fucking thing. Go so bullshit. I go get the fuck up walk up the West Side Highway come home I go I'm waiting for you. No Katie and I live in the blast radius Now you do we'll just stand at the window. Yeah the window yeah to hold on to it like Terminator. They don't even have to do that. That's exactly it. You see my giant. Yeah you want to you don't want to be fucking where I'm at or

where you're at dude we're just fucking our kids fucking grow tails and shit like we wouldn't even affect us dude. What if I'm like 90 my teeth start falling out. Yeah but that's if there's a bomb but they're not good they all you do is take the electricity out for if they if they blow the grid we're fucked. Blow the everything we have is Electronic show the money so banks are down. So everything's done. Not my Bitcoin Your bitcoins down so the so the grid goes right? Yeah, let's just say the grid goes You jump in the car jump in the car. What's the plan? The grids gone jump the truck not the car the truck the truck and you go up to New Hampshire

We go up to Hampshire then what right now was it? Let's go out here. Yeah, I leave here your phone doesn't work. What do you do? I thought I just go I go on you get outside there's up to my car There's a traffic non-stop like you can't even get out of the city back to back you there You can't even get the car out of the garage. I What do you mean? I can't get the car cars in the garage. I park in an outside garage. I can just pull out You can't but it's we all have the streets are packed. You can't drive. Why can't I ever car cars in the garage. I park in an outside garage. I can just pull out you can't but it's We all have the streets are packed. You can't drive. Why can I never hear of pre come? Yeah?

Why can't I get it? Why could the lights went out? Everybody's trying to leave the city in this exact moment right everybody don't get you you can't do it You can still leave no you can't you're sitting in traffic. What are you gonna? Do or you can lose those? How he's got a roller blade? Wrestling promo what you're gonna do brother when the grid goes out brother I would I would if it was like that if that's the scenario I walk home Takes eight hours to walk home. I already did it takes eight hours You walk to Westchester I'd walk up the Westside Highway did it over. No, I already did the hammer

How long he made it sound like you? Yeah Yeah, he goes I did it For the month I I walk up the West Side Highway all the way up to that's why I like Don and Max are waiting on the West Side Highway down by 47 Street looking for you I thought you said You said come down here. That was 15 years ago you dumb whore. You walked for 8 hours. What the fuck you mean you're back in the city? I just fucking got here Don. Who's going to help me carry all the bullets?

I got 500 bullets Don and half of them are titsy rolls. You should see my blisters Don. You gotta come up here. Dude what the fuck Don? The scar is winging by. You should see my bliss is done I got food. I got food up there. We're I got You are you're a doomsday prepper food you got I got it's in that you can buy them like a barrel a bucket It's a bucket of you got a bar ease Someone sold Bobby buckets of food Is it dude I only eat food if it's in a bucket. Yeah, I'm on the bucket only diet He's got to heat him up with water. I'll put water on it. Yeah MRE. Well that that's what it is, but it's better than that What do you mean? It's like Wolfgang Park. You know when you go camping give a go camping

Yeah, I mean no in the 90s They have they have freeze-dried foods. So all you have to do is add hot water, and it's fucking like pasta or eggs or whatever. It sounds awful. It's like what astronauts eat. Astronaut food. Yeah.

Where do you keep this? It's just in a bucket, and it lasts for 10 years. You got a bucket of freeze-dried food. How long do you think you survive in the apocalypse? I've survived longer than you. Well yeah, I've already told you I purposefully live in the blast radius. I don't think so. I don't think a blast like a bomb or electricity.

Anything, dog. When the shit goes down I'm in the first wave of dying and I'm comfortable with that. I got family to see on the other side. I don't want to fucking be in this. I would never want to be in this city during a blackout for more than a week. It would be fucked. Yeah, I would. You'd be fucked. It would be just. If you take electricity away from New York City, it's chaos after a couple days.

There's no lights. There's no food. There's nothing. And people just start breaking into shit and taking stuff and it's done. And then, you know, what are you going to do? Well, that's why I think I would survive better than you in an apocalypse well would you come with me is I'm not why why wouldn't you go with me I'm gonna freeze-dried shit what are you gonna fucking loot

come to my house he's gonna take all my shit yeah I'm gonna. Dude, I'm gonna go, I know somebody who's got guns. I'm gonna be over with Katie's body, and I'm gonna go leave her alone, and then Louis is gonna move his mask, and he's gonna go, is this odor? And I'm gonna go, Louis? And then we go, I can't believe this is happening. I'm gonna show up at my tiny house,

Louis is gonna be there with his whole family. You're not welcome here. He goes, sorry, there's nine of us. Nine, nine. B's boyfriend's here, he's like, Lord, sorry, Bobby, I have to go to the tiny house. Dude, I would so quickly become like a tattooed on my head, like fucking everything.

They call me Spider. Yeah, let me tell you what happens. The electricity goes. The mask with the baby face is on first. Very quickly, I got an axe. I'm swinging, I'm wearing a mini skirt. I'm helping those freaking people out. I got shit smeared all down my back my It's gonna get funky and wild and I'm gonna be a leader in this time during these times

I'm like the crazy leader that fucking you don't want to cross So you can go and I'm gonna be as I'm gonna be an insane Oracle Lewis is gonna be a different voiceacle. Louis is gonna visit me in different voices. Dan's blind now. It's just wiser, white. Dan, what do you see? I go, oh, Mr. Adelsnake, something is coming. It's a friend from the past.

He just makes shit up every day. Louis believes he does law. He goes, hey, dude, did you lie about me about finding an apple tree? I go, oh yeah, dude. Totally lied. Can I have more bag food? I'll just eat gum. Joe will survive.

Joe would just suck guys' dicks. Joe would be, and this is what Joe would do, this is a problem with Joe, him and Sarah and the baby would lock themselves in their apartment and they would just let fucking the shit happen around them until they were overtaken you have no survival instincts I've been and that's the problem I've been trained that's the problem with martial arts is not going to do anything hold on that's the problem with what you said like that was a problem you guys's relationship you got it that you got the problem you got you got beat up by black kids in a Burger King you guys didn't even take the lesson of the story Joe persevered Joe ate Burger King lunch while being unaffected verbally

attacked unaffected yeah you were like this I got a car I fucking do have a tiny mouth fuck you and they were like He just stayed the course. You don't know nothing about resilience I had a genital warts and genital herpes at the same time who's married with a child That's Metallica and Guns N' Roses hitting the road together Montreal burned up I Think Joe goes first. I go first. I've already volunteered. You're gonna be an Oracle. What's an Oracle? I see the future. The arena? Yeah, he's a seer. I feel the

sand. I tell Lewis, I go, your son will be king someday. Are you making that up? I go, yeah, pretty much. James will never be king for as long as Joe List's son is alive. His son, he has the power. He sees. You can't see shit, can you? No, not really. Honestly, it kind of freaks me out that I'm blind.

I would fucking upper punch everybody. Upper punch? Upper punch. I don't know, Bobby thinks who do you think lasts the longest in us in an apocalypse? He thinks him obviously he's got 500 shells. I'm I'm gone I'm up in New Hampshire I'm in the woods. What happens if my uncle's up there? He's a hunter my neighbors I know so many people up there that are not helping you dude

They're once this shit hits the fan. They're not it's over. They're hunting you and your family No, he's like dude. I'm gonna go there and gather Bobby is one that you would eat. Oh my god You are now yeah, no you still got the flame muscle You got you got the fucking fat surrounding the meat. It's still there. There's no way I would a hundred percent surrounding the meat, it's still there. There's no way, I would 100% last longer than any, the three of you guys. Lewis lasts the longest and I don't even think it's a question. 100% he doesn't.

100% he doesn't. No, because he would get fucking angry at something and somebody would shoot him. Lewis. He'd get shot like fucking Omar in the wire. No. Some little kid would come up behind him. Lewis would.

Hey little kid, you want a snack? And he'd shoot him right in the head. Why? A little boy like you shouldn't have a gun that big. Yeah, exactly. big. Exactly. I, Lewis survives the longest because he is brutal and able to lead. Brutal.

Joe. You're gonna say Joe survives longer than me? I'll fucking check it out. No, no, no, I'm wondering who goes first, me or Joe. I think it's, I go first because I'm willing to die. Yeah. Because I greet death with a smile. You'll just walk out into the streets and be taken over. I'm the, I'm willing to die. Yeah, cuz I greet death. Just walk out into the streets and be taken over

I'm the I live in Astoria. I'm the easiest one to know you're still on an island right out I'm the easiest one. I live in Westchester I go straight up to Vermont cut over to New Hampshire. I'm right there No, but you're too Lewis is in Jersey giving him access to the western part of the United States true So therefore it goes one two I'm going west I'm gonna grab a horse because the cars are gonna be fucking gas is gonna be fucking hard to get Horses they go for a long time damn dude Lewis really is gonna be going out with a wind blows

I had a generator put it on the house is gonna be going out west where the wind blows strong. I had a generator put in the tiny house. So now if something happens, I got a generator. You keep thinking this is your Shangri-La, but really. Am I what? Your Shangri-La. What the fuck? I called Shane's house in Austin his Shangri-La. It's fun.

I think you get up to New Hampshire and you're got. I think you get got right when you show up. Maybe. By one of them fucking country boys. I think Joe and the family fight like hell to survive, but inevitably the wave of humanity. And Lewis thrives. This is all because the lights turned out?

Lewis, let me tell you right now, it's a side breakdown. Lewis, Lewis thrives. Bobby just forgot to pay the electric. He's fucking, he's got a shotgun. Don goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Louis thrives. Bobby just forgot to pay the electric. He's got a shotgun. Don goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, look, look, look, the street lights are still on.

He's like, ah, you were fucking, I was gonna do Max, then do you, then do myself. Bobby's like, you know what, my credit card on file expired. Fuck it, it's a fucking apocalypse, Don, get the truck. I kill everybody, the lights come back on. It was just two seconds. Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. It's come back on. Two seconds. Oh fuck, oh fuck. It's got blood all over your hands. Oh what the fuck dude, what the fuck.

Let's do some plugs. Yeah, let's bring them up right now. Plug it up. Here we go. No, bring me up last. Why are you closing? Hey, I'm Dan Soder. I will be at Zany's in Nashville at the end of the month. Bring me up last. Do that first. Why are you closing? Well, you want Dan Soder. Hey, I'm Dan Soder.

I will be at Zany's in Nashville at the end of the month. So sorry about that. March 28th through the 30th, five shows at Zany's Nashville. Omaha Funny Bone, I will be there April 12th through the 13th. Is Omaha Funny Bone with that lady? Colleen. Colleen.

And the liquid death got invented. Liquid death. And isn't that like her husband passed away? used to run it right I don't know I maybe I've only worked there once but I'll be back there Friday April 12th and Saturday April 13th DC improv there are some tickets left the 19th through the 21st I think Saturday sold out but Friday and Sunday has a couple tickets left please listen to my podcast Soder at Dan Soder on social media and please check out my new special on the road on YouTube Hilarious watched it. Thank you watched it from front front to back. I love you Wow

Yeah, give me a very nice phone call and I really appreciate good man I watch it will someday watch a special now I got busy but Ron on Hirshberg watch it. He said it was great Someday you didn't watch a special now. I got busy but Ron on Hirschberg watch it. He said it was great That's how I described Dan special it ran on and on and on there's only 40 minutes is actually pretty tight I will watch it. I'm like, I'm not watching that piece of shit. You know what guys? I'm redoing my apocalypse order here right now. I did a big Post you guys all did y'all kind of first though. You guys did all very lovely posts and it was very touching and thank you very much. Yeah, me first.

Joe List, where you gonna be? I'm gonna be at the Pittsburgh Improv. March 28th to the 30th. Never worked Pittsburgh my whole life. Really? Get a permit. Well, I hope for Louis that once. There's a Permanny Brothers, the big one, the sandwiches.

Whatever. Next to the club so you can get one of those. Whatever, the sandwiches. Great, I'll do that. Who wants a sandwich with french fries? And then I'll be at a place called Higher Ground in Vermont, April 12th. Next to the club it so you can get one of those whatever great And then I'll be at a place called higher ground in Vermont April 12. I played that last year fun fucking awesome Oh, I can't wait. I'll be the great It's like a little mini theater if it's still open go to four corners of the earth for the sandwich best Shit sandwich shop and you're gonna give me sandwich

What do you want me to not do Rosa? Yeah? I guess I'll just shut the fuck off Buffalo What are you looking for a show April 25th fuck up April 25th to the 27th Buffalo helium and May 2nd the Regent Theatre in Los Angeles on skid row, baby That's gonna be fun When's that May 2nd May 2nd may the 4th be with and check out it check out Joe's podcast Tuesdays with story You got another one now. Are you doing the the other one a mindful metal jacket, right? We just had a fully on that was a huge episode and we got Luis J. Gomez March 22nd All right, I can do it. I got now. It's gonna be only one you're gonna fucking do it for

I was doing it for you. I was being I'll be at the ball goal this Friday night Red Bank, New Jersey the vocal Zach This Friday night, Red Bank, New Jersey, the Vogel. I don't know why I'm gonna... Zach and Miko, Scott Chaplin both opened for me. March 23rd, I'll be in Potsdam, PA, Soul Jolls, just one night only. Then the 28th through the 30th, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. This is my birthday weekend. Thursday night, we're doing a Real House Podcast live. And Friday, Saturday, we're doing standup shows.

Zach and Miko, Tim Butterly, Naeem Ali, a lot of funny Philly comics. Gonna be coming out for those as well. That's fun as hell. We got St. Louis, San Diego, Denver, and many more dates all up on my website now. Keep on adding new dates. I think I got three or four more cities confirmed already that aren't up there. So keep on going to lewisofskanks.com. Check out Legion of Skanks, check out Wheel Ass Podcast, and check out both my specials on YouTube.

And yeah, make sure you check them out. He's fucking hilarious. My dates, I'm gonna be... Do you want us to do yours? No, I'll do mine unless you want to you can do them good Lewis do mine I'll be this Thursday I'm fucking open for you and Big J and Huntington yeah this Thursday night tickets still available so come out and check it and Mike Fennoy is gonna be there Lewis is gonna be there that's a fun show it's a great show it's gonna have fun we're gonna be a Poughkeepsie next week Houston I'm doing the riot comedy festival one night, Thursday night.

Austin at the mothership, sold out, so it's all done. So I don't think there's tickets available. Then San Antonio, Lafayette Club 333. And then I'm doing Boston, Laugh Boston on the, what is it, the 27th through what? 26th through 27th. Two nights only. Tickets, low ticket sale in there so make

sure you get that and then sales low ticket sales and then McCurdy's in low ticket sales please buy tickets low ticket warning McCurdy's I'm gonna warn their low tickets nothing has been sold and and that's it I'm gonna be all over the place Atlanta where I'll mean Verzia doing Bone to Pick live, first ever live podcast with me and him at Ray Clay Comedy Festival. Come down with doing a live show and bring your bones. That's gonna be fun.

And of course I'm on the bonfire with Big Jay everyday. And then check out YKWD and what else do I got? I got something else. Nah, forget it, I forget it. Sucking and fucking with Rob. Sucking and fucking. So there you go, there's the plugs. How do you feel, Louis? How is this? No one's gonna drink this coffee.

That's Louis's. It's a latte, he can't have it. How do you feel about that you guys are like the only, you guys are like one of the only, like, JFL's fucking folded up shop in like like a week now skankfest is the festival Um, I mean you guys are the festival right now. Yeah, we're the coolest festival I mean everybody on the road all the comics to you tickets go on April 20 Day Smith and

And Hitler it's gonna what? Hitler's birthday is for 20, but I don't wish it would happen. We're celebrating Hitler's birthday with a fun comedy festival. I don't celebrate that. Well, you're part of Skankfest, and that's how we're celebrating.

We're celebrating. Hitler's birthday, yeah. On Skankfest? No. The whole festival is a celebration. It's a Hitler-themed birthday party. Why? Everyone's gonna do German accents.

It's like, oh, fair is the cake! We all have to do meth. That'd be sick. Yeah, so Skankfest, I mean, it's. Yeah, it's gonna be retarded. And yeah, I mean, I is the cake. We all have to do meth. Yeah, so Skank Fest, I mean it's, it's... Yeah, it's going to be retarded. And yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's not, it's not a... Were you happy that it was closing? No, cause Montreal,

that festival's for industry and it's for young comics, you know, get new faces and I don't know, it doesn't do anything for me. My festival sells out minutes every year whether or not JFL exists. But is that gonna, there's no crossover. Is industry gonna start coming to this festival? We won't allow them to.

No, no, no, they were there last year. Who was that? Were they? Don't act like there wasn't a bunch of industry there. There was managers and agents. We make them hide. They don't get any special access, they don't get anything fucking. It's so funny them standing there.

They were in the green room. Them standing next to somebody going, yeah, he is a f***. No, there was industry people. them sitting there in the next summer going yeah he is a uh... now there was a lot of it uh... i don't want to talk to you about this idea that i have a little travel chair uh... i'm sorry i was going to call this coffee

all right it also sounds like you got to take a call that was yeah why don't you want to go jerk off like a lot of state he's so full of call me as to go jerk off. Why you taking your phone to pee? He's so full of cum, he has to go jerk off. Imagine being that full of cum. No, Skankfest last year, there was a bunch of managers and agents in the green room. You'd be like, oh, hey. They were in the green room. That's always the greeting you give to an agent where you go, I know your face. You said no to me.

Yeah, you've said it. They were in the cigar lounge. They know. I didn't like that. That was comics only. I made it comics only. Halfway through, we put a sock I actually put a sign up hanging that you had a duck under yeah, that said comics only and they were they were ducking right under It damn did I have max didn't have to duck damn?

small Damn, did I have fun in that fucking cigar tent that was a good one. It's just located perfectly. It's great We're gonna make it bigger this year. You can dip out. That was the festival to me. That was the whole thing. I was laughing, I had the best time when we did cigar tent, regs, and then right back to the cigar tent. Yeah.

Could we do that again? I fucking lived in there. What day are you guys doing Bonfire, Friday? I don't know. What day are we doing regs? I don't know, they pick it. I wanna do regs in the other place though. I don't wanna do it it. Okay, I want to do regs in the other place, though I don't want to do it in the big. Yeah, I want to do it in the other this

I know it's a little smaller, but I like it. Yeah, I don't like where we did remember where we did You know what dude? Yes, we're Shane that that's what we should do The regs and that one. Oh, I love skank I like you take a note my heart can you give a preference it what it broke your heart? It fills my heart fills your house semen No, I like it too. It's only fucking was it four days three days three days four days Technically with the Thursday night opening ceremony, and then there's Friday Saturday Sunday. Yeah, but Thursday's just a hang

Yeah, I mean I really enjoyed my favorite thing was like waking up and going and gambling and then going to skankfest Yeah, it was very fun to go play in like low Low stakes blackjack for like three hours with Sam talent well in Vegas to just that it's so convenient the walk Yeah up to the way the hotel is it gonna be in the same place. Yeah, skank fest. Yeah, awesome Cuz I just know the route we'll give out some tickets on maybe I know when the week that the Tickets go on sale. In April? What do I gotta do to be in the cool hotel?

The cool hotel is great. I was there for the first time this year. The hotel you were at, the other one, great room service. I never got the room service. Unbelievable mozzarella. His hotel is much cooler than mine. The fans don't want to hear us plan or nice hotels for skank as I literally the last thing they want to hear guys let's make look off your fat you're a small mouth fucking big head come on we were in the the

cigar lounge and the band came in remember that yeah oh the band the fire one of the bands that was playing but they just rolled in and they took they took over a section but it was was all comics. And I just remember looking over and all the comics just quieted up and let them just kind of take over. And then- Hot guy confidence versus nerd confidence. We're all nerds. They just started getting smashed.

Oh, that's fun. The dude started talking and then somebody said something and then somebody said, somebody said, shut up. And then it just went nuts. And then they kicked them out. They kicked the band out? Somebody came in and said you gotta go It's just common so fucking funny bands being like yeah, it's crazy when you get so much pussy your wieners always wrinkly

What? Fuck you just said I've taken a bath for too long. Yeah It's like anyways these leather pants fit perfectly I was like anyways, these leather pants fit me perfectly. Well, jacked up like caffeine, man. I'm all fucking raw. Wow. It's funny, like, I'm nervous about how many fans are going to be there this year. Why?

Because I think a lot of, a lot more fans, like our fans are like fucking nerds and like autistic and weird and just freaks. The best. Shout out. Whereas like, I think a lot of these new comedy fans like the Matt and Shane fans and the Tim Dillon fans, the Schultz fans, it's a lot of like bros. It's a lot of the guys that would make fun of Legion of Skanks fans in high school. I kind of like that Shane brought that in. Shane brought in a whole fan

group that goes shut up you're gay. Okay but I remember distinctly on Legion of Skanks that you said you enjoyed I love I love comedy fans being nerdy as possible the show that I love the most last year was that surprise show with Ari and I was yeah, that was fucking no cameras great No, I'm all talk about it because it's I still want it to be a secret thing I was there's full. I'm not we're not announcing anybody being there Who knows if any of us are gonna be at Skankfest this year? But if Ari and Rosa are going to be there that will be a regularly occurring show every year

I've moved a weekend to be available What? It would be I would actually respect it if I wasn't invited. Yeah, if Rebecca goes, ooh, you've done the last couple. Ooh, we're trying to do an every other year thing. We're trying to bring in a new crop of comedians. Ah. But I wrote new stuff.

We should do a roast. Let's get a roast. Let's start it out. We're talking about one. I hate roasts. Who? So I'll bow out. Let's do a big one Let's start it out. A big roast. We're talking about one. I hate roasts. Who? So I'll bow out. Let's do a big one.

I'll text you who. An old school fun roast. Show me who you're. Remember the Yanis and Nate? Like a real roast. Those were different. Those were our. But this is what I'm about to say.

A real roast where it's all friends of the person. Not the bullshit where we fly in fucking Michael J. Fox to roast Dan Stoder. That'd be sick I'm talking a really that thing at a moon tower with Jay where people that was kind of a roasting I forget was a podcast where people but they brought all people that Jay didn't even know Oh, yeah, that's cool. That is cool shit. Well, you haven't texted me yet, but I Like that is someone that I see. I saw what I want. I like that is somewhat I like that as someone that I see I saw what I want. I like that is somewhat

Joe hates it by the way as someone that won't participate in that roast I enjoy that as someone's gonna as someone that's gonna watch that roast I Would enjoy watching the fuck? It's not I just know that's not you know what that does for me. It's not a good roast I don't have to be a part of it. Yeah, I don't enjoy I'll watch it I'm talking the real would. Who would you roast? Bobby, have you ever been roasted? I've never been roasted. What? Cringe Comedy was going to do it one year and I just said, I just, I'm not, I don't want you to do it.

I get it. They were going to do one, they were actually going to do one for my 40th birthday. My wife planned this epic party at the Village underground where they were gonna have call in norton voss patrice uh... all these people uh... they're gonna have a roast she was she had a uh... poker tables blackjack tables burlesque dance was gonna come is gonna be this fucking circus party for my fortieth and then giordano died and they had a cancer what he died he died that week the committee that he's

dead fought this way outside i got three ideas You want to hear my three ideas on here Nick DiPaolo at the road at the festival. Yes, okay, not a good followed declines us every year I'll talk to him to I'll talk to him. I'm gonna talk to him done the roast of Ari Shafir roast of Ari She's already was she I was looking for my soundboard Would be big that's a big one and a big one you got to get my boy Luke bonus in there Luke bonus ARIE, I was looking for my soundboard, I was like, booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo What is it? Why are you mad at him? He's dead to me. Who is it? Luke Monas. Just because I want him in the festival. Oh, that's why?

And I bet, by the way, at the stand, Luke came in and I was like, hey dude, you gotta get Luke on. He's the best. He's buddies with all of us. He's one of us. Harass Luke. Bring him up. I don't know who he is. Hilarious. Very handsome boy. He's 6'6". Who likes that? Hilarious. He's funny.

Handsome 6'6". Easy access to his cum for Joe. I mean, he loves it. He goes, dude, it's fresh from the spout. It's just like having... Dude, I barely got a bend down. I don't want to his come for Joe. I mean he loves he goes dude. It's fresh from the spout It's just like here. I barely got a bend down. I don't like Bobby's voice It's like having a soda machine at your house, dude Why my moon is is in I'm gonna get the polo right now The polo I did you I don't know because he did it. I know I didn't realize that I'm Pavlovian like that He's a handsome man. I has a good look good chin nice fucking chin good hair

God you drink his come don't look monas. I would love to drink it up good name to Luke Monas You're tough. You're texting to Paula right now. Yeah, I'm gonna call him up and call him. Let's get him on the horn Well, he's not in my favorites shit. Oh, well, we in your favorites. Yeah, of course. No zero chance. No way. No way No, it goes Louie Sarah Who's in your favorites How do you add somebody to your favorites? I don't know how to add it Lewis Lewis Joe and you are all in my favorites There we go Yeah, but how many people do you have all in my favorites. Here we go.

Yeah, but how many people do you have in your favorites? 20? No, like 10. You might not answer. Am I above Shane? No. Wow. How, really? Yeah, I'm just gonna answer.

Just being honest. I mean, it hurt. Nate's above Shane. I wasn't gonna, am I above Nate? No, Nate's at the top. Wow. Oh, Jesus. Just what it is, dude.

Well, voicemail. I didn't think it was this. Two rings? I didn't need to at the top. Wow. Oh, Jesus. Just what it is, dude. Well, voicemail. I didn't think it was. Two rings. I didn't need to know the truth. Bobby, you're up at the top. It's Sarah. Thank you, buddy. My mother.

Yeah. Your mom's in my favorite suited. Mark Norman. You don't have to do favorites. You just admit it. You don't know how to fucking do it. Then Bobby. His mom is in my favorites.

The joke. Oops. Then Bobby Kelly. Now, why are we falling apart? Fourth. This is the witching hour. This is what happens. This is what always happens. We go b now, why are we falling apart fourth? It says this is what this is the witching We go being and then we go and then there's gonna be One more 15 minutes left we'll fucking get a nice good ripping this this happens live we do this is the down period We've and everyone knows this is the part if you're listening to the podcast you get up and you go get something to drink

And then you come back and you go, oh shit, they caught a new way. Because right now we are. Have we ever gone the whole way? Rippin'? Rippin'. Rippin' and trippin'? Rippin' and tearin'? The whole time? Rippin' and tearin'? Like out of all the each of you guys.

Oh yeah, are you kidding? I don't know about that. Honestly, we're in such a low period, I might go pee. Guys, real quick, let's take a break and talk about my bookie. Your bookie. My bookie. I know this guy, let's take a break and talk about my bookie. Your bookie. My bookie. I know this guy.

He's cool. I'm talking about my bookie. I think it's Chris. Yeah. He's honestly, he's real sweet with his baseball bat. No, it's my bookie.com. Listen, it's March Madness, basketball games all over the place, upsets, Cinderella stories. Go bet on it. Join us at My Bookie for an

entire season filled with daily odd boosts, same game parlays and huge prize pool contests. You can get in on all the action. My Bookie has a no strings attached cash bonus that lets you deposit and withdraw quickly. And I'm not even a fan of team sports as we've discussed on this show, but they have MMA, they have boxing, they have combat sports. Really anything you can bet on, MyBookie is going to have odds on it. They have a super easy to use interface. I'll tell you right now, a child could go onto it. I encourage children to go onto it. I say child!

All you've got to do is go to MyBookie.com and if you use the promo code REGZ, R-E-G-Z. On your first deposit of $50 or more, you can receive up to $200 in cash instantly credited to your my bookie account. That's regs R E G Z to claim your own cash bonus. Now you can bet anything, anytime, anywhere with only with my bookie. Got it at the end. I bet that you were gonna get that right. I just got two to one odds that Joe wouldn't know that I can't read lose my ass on Joe that I look smart guys guys I have put all of my savings into cryptocurrency no you have everything why everything cuz Eddie told you to Eddie was he's like you need to put in crypto Nice crypto talk will get us out of this

What if it does though? I tell you what I don't understand. He got me to buy crypto, too No, who did Eddie and he got me. No, he didn't what you buy over your house. He got me to buy some stupid What do you buy? I'll tell you what I bought. I bought it. Carl's from the card. Oh, no card Oh, no stupid chain link stupid from the cardona cardona stupid chain link stupid at Ethereum sorry like coin Fuck what should I sound like bad phone cases by Solana and Bitcoin Solana? What about AI is there any AI? What are you guys doing? What is this?

Apocalypse money right now, but it's We could make a little bit of cash. Yeah, we can make cash. We're using this Valuably we'll just be sitting here Goes out. Where's your fucking? Where's your doge coin there? I don't know. I don't need it then. Yeah, my guns. No, you know, they're gonna get taken from you have a shotgun. Yes Did it hurt? Oh, I love shooting guns. You do. Yes They should do it a lot when I was in Arizona. It'd be a very fun thing to do when you're hungover Let's go to a range and just because they let you shoot whatever gun you want now, especially in Tucson Zero you can just fucking pick up a Kalachnikov. Oh a K

How's it go they would get mad if you brought that my friend had one we had to go to the desert to shoot that one Ever shot an ak-47 he owns one. He doesn't own an AK-47. He owns an AR-15. Right. He owns A-1 stick sauce. I love it. I put it on everything, dude. I'm fucking great as A-1s. Dude, salty and sweet. I love it. Dude, don't fucking make me pull out the A-1. How about we get that A-1? That's so funny, right? Conceal carry, dude. I let everyone know I got that A-1 on me. More like gay one on the show. I need you to go pee. I'm all jacked up. I had too much tea. You bought me a venti. I wanted a grande.

Yeah, but then you complain you wanted another one. I know because he got one and I got all excited. But now I can use another coffee. I know we have 14 minutes left, but another coffee would be fucking. No, that's too much. I drink so much. You're an addict. Yeah. You eat 2000 milligrams of marijuana. I drink so much. Yeah, you eat 2,000 milligrams of marijuana I can't eat anything right now Dan stop mocking me. So how are you gonna do a set? Look I'm eating Did you fall you're all scraped up in the fucking You felt like an old lady old lady braces playing. That's where old lady braces. Me and Max would.

You're going to have like a wrist guard on. Me and Max would. I fell. He was playing lacrosse yesterday against the wall, and I was playing with him, and he taught me this stupid game. And I ran to get the ball and tripped on the curb, and then fell on my hand. And then Max immediately just started laughing.

And I went, it's not. That's so funny. I went, it's not funny you're recouping in front of your kid going shut up I think it's good that it's funny because eventually and soon for you you'll be at an age where it's not yeah you know fall everyone's dead oh yeah oh my god was it hurt it hurt right on pay I just fucking scraped it on pavement road rash I had a man up I had to get up and go, just give me a sec. Imagine it had been a year ago. You had another 150 pounds. This would have broken. Oh my God. Your arm would have been obliterated. It's fucking bone pops. This can't be a wet noodle arm.

You see this fucking boat would be done. Like a truck falling on his arm. I'll send you this. You'd have better luck. You're fucking a semi roll over here. Max, I'm sending you a video. Bring it falling on his arm. I'll send you this. You'd have better luck if you're fucking a semi roll over here. Max, I'm sending you a video. Bring it up on the TV. Bring it up on the TV. This was embarrassing.

Is this the fall? No, this is another fall. What's going on? You know why you were built like a weeble wobble for so long? Now that you actually, gravity can affect you. Max, did you get that? No, not yet. Bobby has the same equilibrium as that bird

that touches the bird. Guy who always touches his nose to water. But once in a while just slips over. Yeah I took a nice hot fall. And your son's right at the age where watching your dad fall is so fun. He was cracking up. I thought it was hilarious and it really bothered me. I was at the gym and I fell at the gym. I got the video I'll bring it up. Dude the hot girl behind the desk go, are you okay? I was just an old Indian guy, one of a, are you all right? A lot of you are dying.

And I just went thumbs up. I was hurt so bad. Look at my pinkie still fucked up from it. How did you fall? I had 35 pound dumbbells and I was doing chest and I was trying to do an incline, but I didn't know how to put my, I didn't know how to get the 35 pound dumbbells and get on the thing you sit

down with them on your knees on your knees no it's a decline a decline oh decline decline decline you hold them before you get in the thing yeah put them in your lap then you get your legs I think then no no no no the thing was too high I'm too short also declines better with a bar, dude. My legs, I couldn't, I couldn't, I had them in my hand. Oh, you didn't know how to get on them. I didn't know how to get my legs up over. You biff? Dude, it's bad. So what you do is with the decline, you go where it's like lower and then you put your leg up and your leg up. No. So you're straddling them. Not now. It just didn't work. I couldn't get my, I just threw my legs over the thing.

Someone saw that. The weights, the weights just took me. Someone legitimately got sad about that. Someone watched that. Why were you taping? You were taping like a hot TikTok chick? No, I actually, it's security footage. No, it's not, is it?

Yeah. Oh, you got the fuck. Oh, because you're suing? No. You piece of shit. I would never. You fuck, you're the problem with He's got he's got a comic brain and he immediately went to the front desk I'm gonna you send me the footage of me falling exactly You get it Matt Marcus my max whatever you fucking name is It's got an email to myself we can fucking boys

You didn't change your voice if I was you everything I could do to not have that fucking voice. He's like, I actually got to go home and practice my new voice. What's up? Has that gotten you that pussy for me? It just doesn't feel like me. That was particularly bad, that one. It doesn't feel like something I would say. It just, you know?

I just feel like if I were going to get the pussy, I would say something. Max, do you have a manly voice? Yeah. Yeah, I have a manly voice. Say something, tell Lewis to fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off, man. Was it bad?

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Get the bass out of your voice, Max. Stop trying to make it sound more manly. Do your real voice. I tripped going upstairs too last week. What the fuck is wrong with you? Going upstairs. Oh, yeah.

I was taking the stairs instead of the escalator. Here it is right here. You ready? What are you gonna play? Probably if that was old you, you would have kept on falling up the stairs. What are you gonna do? Here you go, all right.

You go over the decline. Now right here, this is already a mistake. You're sitting down, that's already a mistake. What is that? I mean, Jesus Christ. Wow! Dude, look at you. You can't get up. You can't get up. Because you won't let go. My hand was stuck in the way. Are you laughing? I mean Jesus Christ

Because you won't let go my hand was stuck are you laughing no my hand was stuck in all the weight But look thumbs up. Oh my god. That's fucking hilarious. I just watched your stupid fucking tumble. There you go. You do it again Then what are you doing? You're not locking in dude. Get your own I couldn't my legs are too small my lower body Yeah, you had to put your knees over the first one under the second one. My legs are too small my lower body. Yeah, you had to put your knees over the first one I'm I like under the second one. I legs are too short. No, they're not I couldn't get it up Bobby is built like a short hot midget Hot midgets on my heels. Yeah, would you with a night? The one of the dumbbells was on my hand and I couldn't get up because it was holding No, watch all three dumbbells. It looks like you're getting butt fucked by that fly machine.

It looks like I'm trying to fuck it. Yeah, it looks like that fly, that sitting fly machine. You're sort of scissoring with the fly machine. He's like, oh, get in there, dude. Look at this. You go, all right, bang out one. Now, how are we going to do this, Robert? Let's just side saddle.

Oops, I side saddled into this. Oh, give it to me. Give it to me, wait to see. Did you get fucked by that machine over there? Sure did. Okay, thanks. Oh, dude, that's so funny. Oh, man.

Can I get that security footage? Are you going to try to sue us? I don't know. What are you doing? Also, 35 pounds for a fucking dumbbell? Yeah, a little. That's pretty light, though. For me, it's not. I started with 10. What? I don't know what are you doing? Also 35 pounds for a fucking dumbbell. It's pretty light though. For me it's not, I started with 10.

What? When I got that surgery I couldn't do it. I haven't worked out in six months, I would jump on there with 45. No you couldn't even fucking push it. Yes, yes 45. 100% you could. Yes he would.

Dan's a strong man. I will bet you. I bet you you could do 45. I bet you Dan could do 65. I couldn't do 65s, but I could hop on with a 45 right now. I bet you could do 45. You couldn't get one up with 65. I could get one up with 65.

I'm talking about doing this three sets of 10. I bet you couldn't do two sets of 10 with 45. 100%. I'll bet you $100. I'll bet you $1,000 at Dan Ken. $100. $100. Easy.

$1,000? I want video. That's what it takes. Get a taste. 45 pound dumbbells. Done. Decline. Yeah.

Two sets of 10. Done. Got it done got it you easy break in between says we have to do it soon though because he can train yeah you have to do it like this week done because I'll send it to go train by Thursday I'll be ready you guys hundred bucks this is not impressive yeah I know it's this is Dan's a big strong man this is not he's not I'm telling you right now. I was even doesn't even lift. That's not a lot. No, he over. Dan would be able to do. He'd be able to do increasing weight probably right now and get his last set up at like 66. He's pretty 60 last set would be impossible. I'm I'm

out of shape. I would say 45. I can do two sets of ten. Nope. It's not even a question. Two sets of ten. Take a 30 second break. I do incline. Yes, I do 45 in climb Lewis. Yes You're very confident when you're literally arbitrarily pulling out numbers. Don't be word out of the sky you like You don't know that he couldn't do I Do it so I'm gonna do it and then you're just gonna give me a Can we pop into the gym at right after this just do it real Quick just watch walk into blink on one of these gyms right here. I mean I have a gym in my building I'll tape it tomorrow tape it tonight today hold today's newspaper while you're

Like a kidnap in your teeth First you can find a scraper. Yeah, do it do it live. Yeah Do it live yeah do it do it live we could go do it right now I go do it 45 45 yeah no how many push-ups can you do right now not that many I don't think push-up wise I'm who would win in a push-up competition between all of us you right now you would I'm fat right now yeah I'm out of shape too and I've had no food. Yeah, that's probably better. Don't you think?

Joe, how many push-ups can you do? I don't know, I do a lot of push-ups, but I'm never like a Max out fucking... Max out like, hey, hi Max! Just fuck. He goes, I'm going to work on that new voice and fuck your shit up. How many push-ups can you do? Keep on making fun of me, limits. Right now, probably like 25.

You know what's funny about push-ups? I've never seen someone show up, do push-ups, and not had someone else in the room go, those aren't push-ups. Those aren't push-ups, yeah. What is that? All the way down. Never not been done.

I did 50 live. Lock them out. It's never not been done. I did 50 straight. Oh, those aren't push-ups. I did 50 straight on, what was it, fucking, who's Josh's and Justin's show? Himbo's. Yeah, I did 50 push-ups straight on that show.

What a waste of energy. What, 50 push-ups? Doing their podcast. Is that show done? Is it still around? I'm going to impress people with your push-ups. Do it where somebody's going to see them. Well, that's actually smart in case he fails.

Such a dick thing. I'm going to do it where somebody's going to see them. I'm going to impress people with your push-ups. Do it where somebody's going to see them. I'm going to impress people with your push-ups. Do it where somebody's gonna see well that's actually smart in case you fail who do they could plank the longest okay not you know I put a little cup of come under your nose but you got to

drink it I'm done I can't get my tongue down there. I'm so fucked up on the caffeine. I'm all whacked out. You're okay. Ah Paul is gonna call you back. He's like what he's gonna call you back after we leave and I'm gonna be like Ah, we do skank fest. He's like no and like this. Yeah good point We give him off for every year and he never takes it. I'm gonna talk to him I'm gonna get him there Yeah because people think that skank fest is this thing that it's not like Noam had those people from with that club on and they were talking about Skankfest and Noam was like I went. It's fucking great. It's really fun and they didn't amaze they do an amazing job. It really is a real festival. It's not this. It's not like you know 30 people with fucking shit in their nose. It's huge, it's massive.

Last year was massive. And every show is amazing. And the podcasts are insane. Like they're the fucking, my favorite part is walking in on a podcast. Because people just like come up, which is awesome. Yeah, the regs is gonna be very fun this year. Regs are gonna be good.

Yeah, it's gonna be a lot of this. And I would invite those Seattle people to come and see our audience. Tell them to fucking come out. I'll put them both on skank fest and watch and we will all show them that we have the most fucking accepting diverse cool fucking audience in the world isn't it though there was a little blown by it

at skank fest last year we did not kill it you're gonna kill it until she blew jorder rose they were like you know what she's one of us now with an accepting pocket he got below by and one hundred percent of the participants called him a homosexual on the back and everybody cheers with her i think they chanted it it seems like i guess if you were to step back for a second and looking in it didn't seem like we were accepting because we did school joe flaming homosexual for the entire weekend.

But he did get blown by a truck. We did drag him behind a truck the way we all want him. Yeah, but she was on stage with him the last night, on stage singing songs, and everyone was cheering. It was fucking- They moved in together. We had the time of our lives. And we will again this year,

with Luke, Modus, and Nick DePauw. Hell yeah. We heard it here first. Is Colin, you wanna invite Colin out there? Doug, yeah, I can't talk about who's being invited and who's know have you yet? Yeah, we have and he said no Chill what we're not I didn't say is he coming I said you literally them you said did you invite him and I said yes your body and then I changed it up to did you have you invite him and has he said no? Yeah, you were upset before he even you upset fuckface. I'm not

I didn't ask you to announce the lineup fuckface. So Luke has been booked that I'm not announcing the lineup yet. I asked him who's gonna be there. Who's the band Shane gonna be there? Oh my god, I'm pumped about Shane being there this year. Don't do this, we're gonna have to fucking don't do it. Tim Dillon coming. What are you doing? You love Zins now. What is it? Your stupid friend got me into it.

Zin? Yeah, they're like... Howard Zin? It's like fake dip. It's not fake dip. What is it? It's nicotine. Little nicotine you put up here and you get little nicotine.

You're gonna get mouth cancer. No you're not, they don't cause cancer. How do you know? No idea. You do fucking weed. Did you know don't get them cause cancer You know no idea do fucking weed Did you know only 10% of people that smoke for years get cancer? Yeah, it increases your chances of getting kit But people that smoke don't get cancer you get cancer from the food you eat before you get it from smoking so I can smoke again Yeah Now don't smoke

There's emphysema heart disease. There's all these other things Gingivitis. You have to be... Oh, stomach diarrhea. What is it? It just gives you a little rush? Yeah, it's fun. It gives you a little rush. A rare independent study looked at 46 pouches, 46 pouch products in Germany and found that 26 contained compounds known as tobacco-specific nitrosammon? Nitrosammon.

Jozen. Ah, fuck, give me... We look over, so that's seven of them in? Nitrosamine, Joe Zen. Ah fuck, give me, we look over seven of them and. That's my fire pilot name. Nitro, how do you say that word? Nitrosamines? Try it. Nitrosamines. Nitrosamines.

Zen pouches do not have any quantifiable levels of these compounds, wow, it is healthier. Wow. Boom. It is healthier. You want one? No, dude. Why would you want to get hooked on nicotine again. I smoke cigars every day. What are you talking about? I have 700 cigars at my house. How many bullets?

500 well, it's a 500 bullets sounds like you got a cigar party more than you got a folks are expensive, right? Well, yeah, but we need bullet control. That's how they're gonna control guns by taking away the bullets Because the bullets aren't in the fucking constitution. This is literally a Chris Rock act. Yeah. Charge $500 per bullet. Actually Rich and Keith were on this, YKW went in. He was talking about how they're gonna take the guns away.

He's like, they're gonna take your bullets. And we were like, shut the fuck up. And he was right. But that's what they're gonna do. He's a former crackhead. He knows the streets. Yeah. That's why I bought a do. He's for a crackhead. He knows the streets. Yeah That's why I bought a lot of bullets just in case

Well, you know bullets go bad What? Yeah, I just when we were gonna take the boy boy shooting, his mom was not into the idea. Why? Because he's 11, he's sweet and just doesn't need the fucking violence in him. He doesn't know he can get back at any bully at school once he's got good aim. Yeah, you know, it's also like, it is nerve wracking. I think it's good to not be freaked out by it. Exactly.

The first time I held the gun I was like this is fucking freaky I was lucky and like I was in the mountains with my uncle and he was like he had been in Vietnam so he was like teaching me rifle safety and like how to like he taught me how to load it how to unload it how to the safety that's why I'm taking areas we're going to that school max is gonna he's gonna go there he's gonna teach him how to yeah all the safety shit for guns then I learned you don't drop a book around a knob that I got this right here

You drop a special around him in the first time The first time I shot guns it was like nerve-racking Yeah, yeah me and big day we talked about like big Jay like we were shooting together like I was like Oh your turn dude here. He shot and I was my turn then look over again He's just gone then I went outside outside of the fucking thing boy. There's the last thing Louis sees This for a voice Here's your second coffee hey Joe I took the tea bags out Hey Joey, I took the tea bags out. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr And we went out there for Thanksgiving one year and he had a whole shed of guns Yeah We just went out to the desert and shot trash and shooting outside is so much better than going to a range inside and range Inside is loud. He let me shoot a lot of shit seven, but my stepdad had to hold my arms

And he was like watch your face this thing come right back on your face Sure thing step grandpa What did you do? I think you knocked this into my brain Why do I feel different? I want to do everyone else's voices I love wrestling What did you do? I think you knocked this into my brain. Why do I feel different? I wanna do everyone else's voices. I love wrestling. That's how that happened, scene and scene.

Yeah, gun guys though, like kind of dicks. Like when you go to a gun shop, I mean they have to be I guess, but they're really like, what are you looking for? It's like, dude, I don't know. Jeffrey Asimus had a great joke about this where he's like, they're nerds. Yeah, they're nerds.

They're nerds and they're like, actually this scope is a little bit different because this one actually has a 32 degree. They're kind of cunty, like music stores, same shit. Yes. Fucking assholes. Yeah, they're like. Worth a salt rifle ever. Oh, this couldn't clean out a mall.

You're not allowed to say that in gun stores. They get pretty bad. It's kind of crazy that more people don't just like go to hotels and just fucking fire off into crowds. Yeah, no, no, no, no. That's insane. You know, I'm saying that I would, I'm saying every time- That's what you think when you go, ah, this is fucking, look at this red roof, man. No, Sarah and I talk about this all the time. As horrible as the mass shooting problem is

in America, you think it would be worse. Yeah. Because I feel that way every, like the other day I tried to buy sneakers and the guy was like I just need your phone number and I wanted to fuck it if I had a gun I would have shot him in the face yeah anytime I'm on a roof anytime I'm on a roof if I have a bottle like I'm like I just want to fucking throw this off the roof like I I feel the urge to do it I would never do it but I feel like it's an intrusive thought I'm not that's what I'm easy but I drive down the street I could just

fucking do this that bird's that bird joke. Where he goes, hand stays here. I'll come to the barbecue and make a name. He goes, this is a massacre. He didn't even turn on his wipers. He goes, right here? No one cares. Right here, I'm on the cover of Time.

Yeah, that's it. Those intrusive thoughts where you go, I could just jump out of this building right now. I can't go, when I go to a game, like a football, and you sit up high. But you have Bain Bain you're like I just blow up the field. No I want to jump. I get that thing I can't. I was at a Patriots game and we were on the first row but I was on the second tier and I sat like this the whole game because I kept having like dude you could just jump. Yeah. And I was like it's like that intrusive

thought like fuck it just do it. My intrusive thoughts are cum, which is nice. Always thinking about cum. Always be cumming. A, B, C. That's Joe's fucking thing. You watching the dynasty? No, I haven't watched it yet. Is it good? Oh, it's fucking tremendous. Is it good? Oh, it's so good.

No, I want to watch it. Oh, it's so good. Oh, I don't like team sports. Oh, pretending that that's like tough and straight, but really it's gay. It's gay that you're gay for liking man with balls. You're the gay one. You want a drink cum.

Yeah, well that's duh. That goes without saying. But like it's straight gay, you homo. So gay it's not gay. Yeah. It's on the other side. Yeah. My girlfriend told me when she saw the video of me sucking your dick, she thought it was real. She thought she literally dated, she was moving here and just came up one day She was like she was like I like tell me you suck Robert Kelly's dick and I was like, you know

I didn't really really didn't really suck his dick. She's like, oh really? I was like no there was a dildo She was like, oh, yeah, I thought it was like you were so comfortable with your sexuality She just blew him on stage in front of everybody. I was like you're here still I'm thinking about moving to New Jersey for this half a f***ing year. He'll blow his friends, but really, whatever. Yeah, the guy sucks, always comes up with his kids. She just thought it was attractive that I was so willing to go for the joke that I would be willing to blow you in front of a crowd.

No, I had a next girlfriend that was, I was talking about how much I love Larry David and how much he's meant to me. And then she earnestly was like, do you think you would like blow him if you met him? Why? I was like, what? And she's like, I don't know. Like you, he's all you talk about. I'm like, I don't want to suck him off.

Now that's your intrusive thought. Here we go. I just blow Larry David. An LDBJ. He can't be around him. I'm going to piss my pants. All right, we got to wrap. I'm all jacked up. All right, so listen. We're going to, we're going to try to do this. We're going to piss my pants all jacked up.

Alright, so listen, we're going to try to do this, we're going to try, can I say that? Try to do this two times a month. Every other week. Every other week for you guys because you wanted it. Every other week. We're going to cut down to 90, it's going to be tight. We're going to have segments. We're going to have topics.

Segment and all clean. From now on out it's Nate Bar Bargatze presents the Reds. Nate Land presents the Reds. We'll be on Nate's website. We're going to be on Nate's website. No more come talk. Joe has to go away for that for a little bit to deprogram. Me, I'm going to be in the iron paradise, you know, just disrupting.

I can't wait. Yeah, do two sets of 10 with 45s. It has to be in the next 36 hours. As soon as you get home right now, take a video sent to us. It's over. Please. Can I get it on the bet? I'll give you odds. No. Why? Oh, what are you afraid? I just don't want to give you the satisfaction if you do win. I'm going to win. No. A hundred bucks. Great. Great. I want twenties. Fine. I'll give you a fucking 20s. Five 20s you can't even do fucking 10 45s you're about to watch me do it you can't no gloves either what the fuck gloves who

the fuck wears gloves no I don't yeah you do I do I'm like oh do you watch me watch me blow out my pack and I show up like hey guys yeah you like Cody Rhodes. Hey guys, it's cool. Ohhhh! Ohhhh fuck! Alright, we gotta wrap it up dude. Go to RobertKellyLive.com for all my dates. DanceOrder.com.

LouisOfSkanks.com. Go to Punch Up Live for my tickets and see the dates. Go to Punch Up Live for me too. Go there, all my specials up there for free. Right now. Go check it out. I got all my videos that I put on Instagram that I have to censor. I put them up there uncensored. It's fantastic. Punchuplive.com. Joe's up there. We're all up there. You guys, what do you got? Do you want to let them plug? What do you got?

Just Max Marcus comedy on all social media. You can watch the cheese show if you go to YouTube and type in cheese show. Natalie. Watch Gas Digital now on the Gas Digital exclusive YouTube channel. Look at that. Company woman. Well, it's a podcast you host. Oh, you host it? What is it? The Deaths is a wrap-up show.

She talks about all the shows. Oh, that's great. Check it out. Love it. We'll see you guys next time on the regs.