Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - VOS, Montreal, iPhone 4

Episode Date: July 16, 2010

VOS, Montreal, iPhone 4 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Yo, what's up? Robert Kelly doing my podcast via Montreal Justa Lafes Comedy Festival sitting at a little cafe out on St. Catherine Street right now with my good friend and cohort Rich Voss. Hey, what am I supposed to do? You want me to talk? No, I just was kind of weird. Well it's weird that we're just sitting here talking and you're going to have like 10 or 15 or whatever, how many people listen to this. Actually, I have 13,000 people to listen to. You have 13,000? Yeah. It's pretty good. Here's the thing. I kind of have a little anger resentment that I'm sitting here with you and not maybe
Starting point is 00:00:50 that's against you. No. I mean, it's just a festival. There's like some big, big comics here. You know, it's not the festival. It's next week. Oh, the biggest names here. That's why I'm sitting here as a kid dick.
Starting point is 00:01:02 No. You really are an asshole. You know what it is. You're excited to do a podcast with you. You know what, you're happy to do anything with anybody. Because you don't know what anything might lead to something. Are you sure it's podcast? My mailman does a podcast.
Starting point is 00:01:20 What's everybody, what's it called? It's called male Express You know I'm like no express. I don't know. I didn't hate this fucking podcast What's a fucking you say why do you gotta make it into this? I would just want to have a podcast and talk about the festival Let's talk about what's really going on I like you know what it is as a comic you think you know like you ever do morning radio You know, like you know what it is, as a comic you think, you know, like you have a do morning radio, especially, you know, no, especially like when they call you, do a phone, right? So like I did something two weeks ago.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Yeah. And I need a little bit of spit on you up a mustache. Oh, okay. You get it? It's too hard. Right here. Okay. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:02:00 What is that? I don't know. I got it. Do you see that? You got it. Don't whisper that much? You had a... Don't whisper. You get a talk of the podcast. There's eye to bottom of the side was tattooed like it was a patch.
Starting point is 00:02:10 Right? You had fucking... Well, you have to see. I mean, I was doing a morning radio. Like a week ago they called me. Right? I just got out of bed. So 10 minutes later, I'm doing a phone call.
Starting point is 00:02:22 And you know, it's okay. It's whatever. You know, I wasn't plugging in since I do it all the time with these guys, they're funny guys, and they go, you know, step it up a little, I go really, I just woke up, you know, because we're comics and they think, oh, we wake up, I go, will you, like, if you were going to get ruked now and the dentist said, I just got up 10 minutes ago, would you let him fucking operate on your teeth? No, you wouldn't let a surgeon do anything.
Starting point is 00:02:48 So just cause you're a comically expect you, hey, you're on, you know what I mean? If everything's stepping up a little bit, I was sending you up for that. Listen, dude, I don't wanna talk about you dumb shit. I don't wanna care about you, whatever, fine. You don't have to try it. I'm not doing it.
Starting point is 00:03:04 I'm like, I would've waited, you had to pray, man. Look at that, they're both going to hell. Go you, whatever fight. You don't have to try. I'm not doing it. I'm like I would away leave you at the craze, man. Look at that, they're both going to hell. Go ahead. Look at that sight right there. Look at you. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with her?
Starting point is 00:03:13 Listen, we're at this guy. Look at how gay this guy is. Oh, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, look how gay he is. Oh my God, he was definitely raped. Would they? We're in this festival. Look at how gay they are. I guess he is. Oh my god. He was definitely right. Would they're we're in the festival. Look, I gave you a good. We used to in other day when they just walked and they
Starting point is 00:03:31 scared the sky going. Oh, look. All right. Now this is being picked up because you're talking away from the microphone. There's another pregnant white girl with a white guy. See there? That's how you do it. That's how you do it. Look at. There's nothing wrong white girl with a white guy. See there? That's how you do it. That's how you do it
Starting point is 00:03:45 Look it. There's nothing wrong with being friends with another race or hanging out when you start doing that Interace or race trading shit. It just fucks everything up for everybody. You know what I'm saying. No, I don't yes you do Can we get back to what I want to talk about? So you're at the festival. Are you having a good time? I'm having a blast. You know what's really good is that we get to sit in a basement for four hours and they do three shows. And the crowds are great.
Starting point is 00:04:25 I mean, you know, these fucking, I'm kind of upset that I didn't bring up more, more CDs or DVDs. I mean, they're fucking buying them. It's unbelievable. Yeah. You know, I figure they see me commit fraud once on stage and they want to rebide at fraud.
Starting point is 00:04:39 It's amazing. Every day I open, they'll get their money's worth. I know, it's crazy. Like there's some kind of fucking bonus. Well, you know, we're all killing it though. It's, all the shows are great and they'll get their money's worth. I know, it's crazy. Like there's some kind of fucking bonus. We're all killing it though. All the shows are great. Yeah, the shows are fun. Montreal, I've been here a million times.
Starting point is 00:04:51 How many times have you been here really? A million. No, seriously. Exactly a million. Yes, a week makes a million. I can't. How many times have you been here? Well, I did the festival.
Starting point is 00:05:01 It's so weird how long it's going to get to stunt festival. But I did the festival last year. I did the masters Right, I want to know that how I want to take it to get it into your career. Oh, into my career Yeah, you had you had last comic standing and then you got it. No, I didn't get it from last comic standing I got the year last comic was on that was about seven years ago. I think okay NBC was about seven years ago I think. Okay. NBC, last comic was airing. Right. Was airing as the festival was going.
Starting point is 00:05:29 So they flew me, I think, myself and Dave up here. Dave got the festival, from Lesca. Dave Mordell. Okay. From Lesca, stop real quick. Where is Dave Mordell, by the way? One of my is key paris and he's a president. Yeah, he's somewhere outside Minneapolis. I'm in talks about him. It won't comedy, in the A-Fers of them. Somewhere outside Minneapolis.
Starting point is 00:05:45 I'm in talks about comedy, right? A little. He hates it. He's miserable. He hates comedy? I guess he is. He's just not happy. He's one of the funniest guys on the planet.
Starting point is 00:05:53 He's a funny guy. I remember we did ask Ben. I was up in Aspen. I was actually excited that he was there too. Because I didn't know him and I thought maybe I'd get to him. But he literally just stayed in his room all week. came out to the shows and went back to his room. Yeah, there's some very anti-social... Yeah. Nice guy though.
Starting point is 00:06:12 How do you know? How do you know if there's some bodies in his room? I... I... I... I... No, anyways. Okay, so... Okay, so we're filming last comic. It's airing now We already filmed like three months and we're in the semi finals or finals or whatever the fuck it is in July when the festival So Gabe got to festival Okay, I didn't get it. Yeah, but I was okay. I mean I was happy with last comic at the time and tough crowd and everything was great Things were great. So NBC flew me up here Because they wanted me to interview people
Starting point is 00:06:46 about last comic, whatever, I don't fucking know. And while I was up here, Colin Quinn was doing a tough crowd show at one of the clubs, you know, comics from Trump, so he put me on it. So I did it, but the festival didn't give it to me and I fucking, everybody killed. I mean, you can't, it's give it to me, and I fucking everybody killed. I mean, you can't, it's hard not to do well, you know, with these crowds.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Oh, yeah, this is hard not to. So, and what the gala is, the gala is up here, you can take a high scene, people can tell. Oh, really? You can take a hot one at the gala. Well, you got to, because you got to gala, you got to do, anytime you do TV and they want you to do word for word and go over your set with a fine tooth comb Is that how it said fine tooth comb? Is that how they said? When I go over your set then it's it's unnatural. You're not being yourself
Starting point is 00:07:34 You know, I mean that's why and I'm not saying this and I really truly mean this I don't care about doing like letterman or Leno because I'm not my type of comedy. I'm not gonna have fun I'm gonna going to have fun. I'm going to be too, you know, I like doing like homie stamps on shit like that where you could be free and do what you want and they can edit too, you know what I mean, they're not going to edit a four minutes down on Leno. I'm not saying I turn it down, but I'm not going out of my way to get to the kind of combo.
Starting point is 00:07:58 So when you do gallows up here like Bonnie's doing a gallow next week, you know, they went over her set and they're going to go over it word by word, you know, and it's, you know, you know, you know, kind of comic you are. You're almost the same, you know, where you're all over the place and you mix it up. And, you know, I remember I was doing the Keenan Show once, Keenan Ivory Wains. One, they brought me to this. I was having major anxiety that year. I just heard, I bad anxiety. I was having major anxiety that year. I just heard bad anxiety. I was unmedicine. I did ask when a lot of shit was happening. And I turned 40. I turned 40. My kids were off to school now.
Starting point is 00:08:32 This was really fucking a tough time in my life. I turned 40 and I watched my kids every day. And then I take them to school, pick them up. And my life was my kids in the day and my ex-wife had them at night. So I write when I turn 40 My kids were in school all day long. I Turn 40 now. I have nothing to do all day. I'm bouncing off a walls. I'm sitting in a shitty apartment, right?
Starting point is 00:08:56 shitty apartment My ex-wife is I don't know. She was remarried or ready or whatever, but I just, I hated where I was at in life. And I had major anxiety from turning 40 and all that shit, no money and nothing. So I was on like whatever, and I had anxiety medicine. And I was on Paxel, Paxel, I was like, oh my God. So I did Aspen. Yeah. The Aspen Festival. Right. And I was killing up there. But I couldn't, I never did like a festival or any type of industry thing like this Yeah, and I had a lot of heat up there people were coming up. I never saw this in the business That's the guy who's man that Montreal He walked around earlier. He's arguing with himself about I need that. I know how you pull that off. Really?
Starting point is 00:09:45 He walked around earlier. He's arguing with himself about this providence. Okay, so I did ask, I got a lot of heat up there. I was doing a show up there and I had an anxiety attack. I thought it was having a hard attack. They go, we want you to go on after Carlin, between Carlin and Sidbad. They were throwing me all over the place. And I was getting ready to go on after Carlin between Carlin and Sidbad. They were throwing me all over the place. And I was getting ready to go on after Carlin, you know, what he did is set change. And I'm having such hands on the attack. I didn't know. I thought it was having a heart attack. Next you know I'm being taken away in a stretcher with oxygen, right? I'm stored standing there. And I was in Carlin's
Starting point is 00:10:20 stress room while they're giving me oxygen. He's gone out. I don't want to have been through this ship before, you know, but he thought it was a heart attack. And now I'm, so anyhow, I get through Aspen majoring, I get back home, I'm doing auditions, you know, so I had a lot of heat up there. Yeah. And I, the worst, I didn't audition at Fox. I went to my agency, you got an audition at Fox, I went in with her first and my hand is shaking.
Starting point is 00:10:43 I go, I can't do this, I'm a mess. Because you'll be fine. So I go into Fox and I audition with a head of casting and you could see the script shaking. It's moving like a fan. Okay. It was, I mean, I was bad at auditions, but now I was bad to the 10th power. So the head of casting of Fox called my manager said we can never see him again. That's what you do, Ben, when I say never. So anyhow, then I got to Keenan's show. Or I'm still fucked up.
Starting point is 00:11:15 My whole anxiety, everything is fucked up in me. You know, the therapist back then was great. I wish I knew where he was now too. He was in recovery. He was gradually connected with him. He told me all my secrets. It was like doing a fucking fifth step. First step is the one where you spill your guts, right? No, it's a fourth step. The first step you write it down, fifth is when you spill it. Yeah, it's like doing a fifth step. I don't know how this became a fucking fifth step. I'll tell you how I finished it. fucking hell. I asked you. I finished.
Starting point is 00:11:45 Go ahead. I'm going to let you finish. Oh, I just haven't asked you any of these yet. Oh, you're in? No, you've been dying to talk about this shit. I'm going to let you talk about it before. That's fine. I'm just saying I did this.
Starting point is 00:11:57 It's just letting you do this. You were talking about TV spots. No, I am. So. I'm going to listen to this again before I fucking put it up on there because I swear to God. I don't know how we got to this I'm getting into the whole TV how we how we How we how you said about doing the gallow was tough and it's a lead in
Starting point is 00:12:15 I didn't that's not what I said you said yeah, sometimes people have a tough time out of the gap I asked you when you when you did how many of these you've done and when was Oh, I'll get back to that. Oh, and you're talking about asthma and your life and your therapist and I was talking times and times and times. Oh, no, they were tough back then. They were really tough. His kids and you know, I didn't bring them to kids yet. Yeah, you did. My didn't say, oh, yeah, they were just cool. Yeah. They were great kids. Uh, guys. So then I'm doing key to it. Yeah, I don't even know how we got to Keenan. Because I want to tie it all together. That's what I'm going to do.
Starting point is 00:12:48 I know how to tie it together. You're fucking marshmallow head. Fuck. So that's all I got. I don't know. That's all I got. I'm going to have just so I'm doing Keenan. And they bring me there to me afternoon.
Starting point is 00:13:03 I'm seeing an addressing room for like four hours. Have an anxiety. Get ready to do the show. Yeah, yeah. For four hours. I get you. So then then they bring you up. We find the shops are really. They brought me that they said, you gotta get here then. You know how these black shows are.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Our kids black comics are always late. So they thought I was like that or something. I don't fucking know. Oh, God. So when you do B.E.T. they get you there day before and they put you in a room. Look at that a nice white couple. We tell the story can you please I run 13 minutes around. Oh okay. It's a 20 minute podcast. I like to keep them at 20 but now it's gonna go to 30 because you're on a team. Jesus Christ. This is a act. It's not like you're fucking interviewing you know fucking one of your fucking
Starting point is 00:13:45 new. I wanted to get caught. I wanted to get a adnorton and maybe Greg too. Oh really? Yeah, I was like, I did it. Mix it up. Baby mix it up. Yeah, but I just wanted to know he's got to. He's got to. He's gonna bring his little fruity cup. I just want to know when was the first time you got it? When was the first time you got it? Okay I finished the story So I'm there for like four hours
Starting point is 00:14:16 If I only bring me backstage to do keenan. I'm a fucking mess We're off. Okay, we're on keenan. Yeah, I guess you can. I'm talking about the anxiety I have when I was 40 I stood backstage for 40 minutes before he introduced me for 40 fucking. I'm telling you I'm almost at my Introduction because it's a black audiences our next act was the first white comic on dev jam Yeah, so I have to for they finally bring me out and they go our comics night has been on dev jam So not to get some black and I walk out and there was nothing but Fucking anger really and rage in their faces. I'm telling you it because you know they didn't know it and I'm fucking eating it. You really yeah, I mean is this on YouTube at all?
Starting point is 00:15:03 I don't think so I never I never look at it Then I started well because I went over to set the night before to him Well, and then I'm not eating. I'm kind of eating it. I might even be then I started just doing crowd working Y'all in Adam look I go look if you want to see more and more and spend a hundred dollars You got to hear for free for free you get me you don't like it You know I just started doing crowd working young and Adam and they and it works for you get me you don't like it you know I just started doing crowd work and yelling at them and it works. It kind of worked. I turned it around but that's what I was leaving to that when you do a TV spot where
Starting point is 00:15:32 it's word for word again I didn't ask you about a TV but I ask you sometimes the gallows are tough but sometimes people have a tough time on the gallows and they have tough time on the gallows is because we're taping them for TV. Okay fine but I ask I went off that and I asked you, when was the first time you got this last year? I know it wasn't. Yeah. Last year was your first Montreal.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Yeah. I thought you did it a million times. I've done Montreal, I've done clubs up here, I've worked clubs. Have you done the festival? Oh no, I did the last year. Last year was the first time. Yeah and I did it that time last year the masters you did the masters last year yeah yeah this is the first nasty shop and the masters you sit on your
Starting point is 00:16:13 pork swing drinking lemonade and you call somebody from I didn't know that see I think we stop fucking farting on my bonkast. I don't even know if it's picking up. So I mean, I think I really like the festival, man. I like this week too. Next week it gets a little crazy up here. Because all the commas come up and it gets a little nods. And you know, you can't bump into a bunch of people you know, you don't know.
Starting point is 00:16:38 Hey, what's up? It's a little crazy this week. It's us. So it's real. It's like a vacation. Yeah. Anytime I go on a it's like a vacation. Yeah Well anytime I go on a road or psych of vacations, I bring my golf clubs and I go play the best golf courses So it to me anytime I go on the road
Starting point is 00:16:52 Right, you know, I find the best golf courses in that. I don't do that. Yeah, so but you do whatever you can go fly fishing or do whatever You know to make a good fly fishing, you know, well then you know what to do something? You go on the road. I rent a car everywhere I go. OK, so I can get to fuck out of the hotel and go do stuff. Here, I rented a car for three days and I went and played. I played the golf course. That was unbelievable. It was just unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:17:15 So next week when all the comms come here, you do your shows. Last year when I came up here during the Masters, I was in resentment mode towards the business, you know I didn't have the fun I should have had you know, but I did I was in major resentment me, you know I don't want my age and my manager I wasn't you know I wasn't doing what I wanted to be doing right but since then you know we've been working on a movie I taped comics and honestly you I've done Joy Bayhars like ten times so things you know I see light at the end of time well you know this business do I want to do that
Starting point is 00:17:47 how do I get to do it oh probably get funny you know do you've never done it no it's I don't know I could put a wall put a word in for you yeah yeah that's it so and you know I got a TV show I'm trying to sell so you know you know you know this business how it goes up and down, you know. I think he's at least the least described it the best way. He said it's like a ride. Like a, you know, you're amusement park ride, but the roller coaster, you get on the ride
Starting point is 00:18:14 and you fucking scream and ooh, and wow, and all of a sudden it's over and you get to get back in line and try to wait to get back on the ride. Right now you're waiting to get back on the ride. Yeah, but yeah, kind of, kind of not. I'm stepping into the ride. No, you're actually waiting to get in on the ride. Yeah, but yeah, kind of. I've been kind of not. I'm stepping into the ride. No, you're actually waiting to get in the ride. No, that's true.
Starting point is 00:18:29 No, no, no. You're almost on the ride. No. You're close to the line, maybe. OK, I'm stepping into the car. No, you're not. I don't go on rides. I get to stomachache.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Ha, ha, ha. Yes. Yes, I was explaining even better. If you look at a heart monitor and the line goes up and down, you're alive. It's probably this case. If you look at a heart monitor and the line goes up and down, you're alive. These guys, they're like old school friends that like they're not married because they have no rings for the wife left them and they were about 55 and once trying to look like 30 and the other one knows he's done.
Starting point is 00:19:03 So they're going out for their pre-coffee before they go out to like a Hilton and try to get some other singles probably. That's what I look. They actually those two look like us in five years. That's who they were. But I was in bed. I just didn't have. I wasn't you know we were doing the masters last year and the current those shows were great. I don't know. I just I Just there was some like club boners that cut me loose and I see them up here and they're so fucking phony You know what I mean, you know the phony and and I love seeing the comments. I've been seeing in the wall I got to hang out and talking it. Well, this year. I'm in a different mindset, you know, what different mindset is just You know things are going on and I don't give a fuck as much anymore, you know, you just, you just, you know, fuck, fuck you, you
Starting point is 00:19:52 know. So yeah, last year, and I had more edition for it, a couple of years ago, I really only started audition for this like three because I used to work up here, there was a club on any Mourney Butler, he passed away, I worked for him for years site because I used to work up here. There was a club on an E-Murney Butler. He passed away. I worked for him for years and he was in the festival and then all of a sudden he wasn't there weren't using his clubs. There was times I would come up and do his club during the festival. So I still be hanging with everybody. You know, it wasn't part of the festival but Ernie would go,
Starting point is 00:20:19 you know, he'd hire me and pay me to do his club. He was a great guy like him. When I did Jimbo's club, I used to work the comedy works and stuff so much real all you know this is cool. How did this guy Jimbo is a really nice guy? He was a great guy. I played golf with him one time. I was up the year I was up here with last comic. Everybody says he's a nice guy. There's a good guy. Well he used to manage the comedy nest when Ernie
Starting point is 00:20:43 bugler owned it. then he boarded or something and became the common he works. Ernie moved to another place on some street, I don't even remember, and they were both good guys. I mean, I don't know if Ernie's reputation of people like him or do I know I liked him, you know, so he was always nice to me, a good guy to me. And I've always known, you know. Anyways, all right, stop. You know, let me tell you something. This is one thing about you.
Starting point is 00:21:12 You're a talker. Yeah. And you have to be like, I got stories. You got stories. But you have to be kind of corralled or cut off and like, you know, because you'll go on. Yeah, that do podcasts like Like somebody in a car doing an 18-hour drive just rambling talking like you go from I'm not saying it's a like I'm not Trashing I'm just telling you what it is is that you like you just went off and then you trail out like you just fade away
Starting point is 00:21:40 Like a board I get bored of you and everything I The fact that I'm doing a podcast, like last year I would have looked forward, I would have maybe even met you down in a lobby to do it. But now, I'm like, fucking, you're probably about the 10th person to ask me to do a podcast in a couple weeks, like, yeah. I do it because, you know, with you because you're funny and I like you. Right. And you gave me a $50 coupon on my birthday Which ended up costing me $500 Because you gave me a $50 coupon towards Morton's stakeouts So when we were doing the own a tour I
Starting point is 00:22:15 Go to Northern me Bonnie were there in Northern I go come on. We'll go out to dinner I got a 50 out you know I'll throw a Georgia, you know, $50 coupon So nor ends up bringing some girl. He's not even banging some girl, you know I'll throw a choice you know fifty dollar coupon so Norton ends up bringing some girl he's not even banging some girl you know and then you know I'm ordered or order in and it's fucking dinner cost five hundred dollars I'm paying for some broad some fucking street fucking you know big yet Norton you know whatever and I would have never won some warrants but I had that $50 coupon that struck me. I took them out, I was making so much money that you're on that tour.
Starting point is 00:22:49 So then why you complaining? I'm not complaining. I'm just saying, your $50 coupon cost me $500, I was making a statement, you turned it into complaining. I'm complaining, I was making a statement. I was trying to say thank you for the $50 coupon. Boss, I fucking can't stand you. It's something so uncomfortable about you.
Starting point is 00:23:09 It's just, it's, it's, oh my God, dude. Oh my fucking God. All right, dude, I gotta end this. I don't even know if I'm gonna use this. I wouldn't use it. I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to cut this up. It's like, you wanna do it again? Yeah, we might do this again. I'm gonna do it again? Yeah, we might do this again.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Listen, that's it. Well, I'm gonna try to get the other guys on the fucking boss. I'm gonna fucking goodbye. Goodbye, that's fucking podcast number eight. Fucking good. What's up? Yeah, this is fucking... That was Rich Voss in Montreal with me, Robert Kelly.
Starting point is 00:23:52 And I don't even know if that was what that was. Rich just fucking cracks me up now. Fucking, he is a fuck, I don't give a fuck what you say about him. Rich Voss makes me laugh. We're in Montreal, me, Norton, Gerardo. We had a fucking blast doing the festival. It was pretty fucking, it's pretty cool. We don't, you don't get paid a lot of money to do that festival.
Starting point is 00:24:26 But it's fucking one of the only opportunities we all get to work together because, you know, we're all in the middle of the country, we're the fuck we are, headlining our own shows. So you very rarely get to do a fucking show with all those guys. And it was, shows are crazy. It was awesome. So I love fucking doing shows in Canada. I'm excited because I'm going up to Edmigton in a few months, I think a couple months, to do a show up there and get back up in Canada. I'd love to do a tour up there but the festival was the shit. Vos was golfing every fucking day. Me and
Starting point is 00:25:07 Norton were hanging out with our fucking girls walking around Montreal like two fucking bald assholes but that's about it man. So that's shit. I don't even know what the fuck it was. That's the bullshit. I don't even know. I'm just fucking rambling right now, but I just got done watching the I, the Steve Jobs, iPhone, fucking, and 10-a-gate, but you know what? Fucking go fuck yourself, really. I I mean who gives a fuck? It blows me away. What company? Every phone I've ever had has been shit. They're not going to be perfect. I was at Sprint for fucking years. Those fucking dumb phones suck. And there's nobody from Sprint ever coming out and having a fucking press conference, giving your stats. And I think Apple has low self-esteem.
Starting point is 00:26:08 I really do, because they give a shit about what we think. God, fucking. So, three was it three fucking million phones in three weeks? And they're going to give everybody a fucking free case. A bunch of whining douchebag babies. Just buy the case, you fucking asshole. Why do you think they came out with the bumper? Apple's never made a case with any phone ever. And they finally made one. They came out with it. You can get it the day of because they had antenna problems. They knew what the
Starting point is 00:26:42 fuck was going on. So I have my phone gets shitty service in my house. I don't give a fuck. I have a phone with all my songs, my videos. I get on the internet. I can fucking edit movies. If you go fuck yourself, I'm doing a podcast right now on my phone. I'm going to email it to my website and it's going to be up for all you fucking son of a bitch who's to listen to on your phone. It's amazing. Oh shit, I just farted. So the actual fucking Steve Jobs press conference was, I watch the whole thing, it's pretty amazing that they, they fucking give a shit at all. Um, I'm totally an Apple fanboy too. I really am. Every other phone sucks.
Starting point is 00:27:37 You fucking blackberry douchebags rolling around a fucking baby mouse with your thumb and then clicking. I hate the clicking sound of fucking the keys on a blackberry. It sounds like little bugs walking across our kitchen counter. Especially on a plane when the fucking guy next to me is doing all his business on his dumb blackberry. I want to slap it out of his hands. I'm going to slap it out of his hands. You don't want A today. It was a fucking blast. It was really fun time. I've been in a lot of fun on that.
Starting point is 00:28:13 The podcast just got stopped by Colin Quinn calling me. I should have had him on it. I don't think I can do that though. Anyways, that's another thing I can talk about. I actually went and saw call in quince one man show to new york city at the bleaker theater bleaker street theater i believe if uh... if you've uh... if you're into comedy
Starting point is 00:28:36 and you i mean it's it's a fucking amazing show really i was blown away uh... i love that because it wasn't stand-up but it was it was like a fight it was just fucking so funny. You know, and Colin is, you know, one of my favorite people on the planet. So if you have an opportunity, if instead of going to see a comedy show in New York City, to a comedy club, fucking wait in the line and see in a few, you know, five different dudes, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah go see Colin Quince one man show it's at the Bleaker Street Theater I think it's Thursday Friday and
Starting point is 00:29:11 Saturday and maybe Sunday too it was really fucking insane that was impressed very impressed by it I'm gonna go see it again anyways and that's about it man for for this podcast. Montreal was the shit. I want to thank all you Canadian son of a bitch's for coming out. And there was one guy, I don't know if I should talk about it. I don't even fucking know. I'll talk about it on the next podcast.
Starting point is 00:29:44 I think I'm going to try to do another one this weekend at some point. And again, maybe have one of you cock suckers on. I don't know yet though. I don't know. So hopefully you listen. I didn't even listen to me and Voss's podcast. I don't even know how it sounds. It might sound like shit. It might be the most boringest fucking podcast ever. But again, I'm doing it because I know that I fucking flaked out a few times. I was literally just fucking almost fell asleep during it like three or four times. So I hope I hope you enjoyed it and if you didn't if it annoyed you I that's great too that's fucking fantastic. And that's about it. This week I'm going to Columbus Ohio to the funny bone. My second time
Starting point is 00:30:38 there should be a pretty notch to want to gig. And that's all I got. I'm just going to fucking end it. So let me know if you listen to it. If you listen to these podcasts, the fuck it, let me know. Because I don't know who the fuck, I don't even know how to keep track of this shit. But send me an email at rkfanatrabacalyleiv.com, a tweet, a Facebook, what the fuck ever. Let me know if you like it.
Starting point is 00:31:08 If you hate it and you don't like it, don't email me. I don't give a fuck. If you don't like it, fuck yourself. And if you do tweet me that you don't like it, I'll fucking block you out of my life forever. Then you'll never, ever have to listen to my shit again. You'll never know when one of these comes out again. See that's the funny part, is that people email me or tweet me or Facebook me that they don't like something I did or blah blah, they don't like my comedy or my tweets on funny
Starting point is 00:31:38 or blah blah. I don't fuck it. And then you email me, I'll block you. I'm doing you a favor. I am fucking reading you of me Because apparently you don't like me. So fuck you. I'm gonna help you because you're too much of a fucking pussy To unfollow me to not Listen to my shit, okay? not listen to my shit. Okay? Um, the, uh, yeah, I don't, I'm not a funny Twitter. I don't, I don't,
Starting point is 00:32:10 I don't care occasionally I say something funny. I do stand up comedy. That's the only thing and I can act kind of. There's only two things that I say I am good at. The only two things that I will promote. I'm not going to promote that I say I am good at. The only two things that I will promote. I'm not going to promote that I have the fucking best twists. I tweet fucking awesome on everything that I put on Facebook is, oh my god, you have to, I don't. It's sometimes it's cool, sometimes it's not. These podcasts have done on my iPhone.
Starting point is 00:32:43 I'm lying on my couch with my dog. Pretty. I'm crushing one of my dogs right now. And I have tidy whiteies on and a t-shirt that's too tight. That's what I am right now. I haven't showered in three days. I stink. My mouth smells like garbage. I'm in the dark. I mean, I don't care. I just I'm doing this so I don't have to talk to myself like I said before. That's what I might rename the podcast from. You know what dude, too. So this is so I don't have to talk to myself. I have no friends, nobody fucking rings my doorbell, and either that, or I'll just fucking walk around my house talking to myself about the same shit. So, I hope you like it, I hope this entertains you, if it, leave be man. Day that I can't stand, so long is day of my life. ¡Ven y vive la emoción de la Navidad con Ithema Madrid! Malinche, Guá, Juvenalia, Circlásica, oro viejo,
Starting point is 00:34:36 Christmas by Starlight, Bresch y muchos más para disfrutar con familia y amigos. La Navidad cobra vida con Ithema Madrid. Entre Ithema.es y compra tu entrada. Yfema Madrid. Siente la inspiración.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.