Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - White Mike
Episode Date: October 29, 2018Bobby’s joined by show regulars Luis J Gomez and Joe List! Things get heated discussing which science is right, what’s good for the future and why is Luis the voice of reason? Learn more about you...r ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com.
Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth.
This is going to be a claustrophic.
It's a podcast, no rules.
I'm going to the mic asshole.
I'm sure I've already said should I regret it.
Can I get a microphone?
No, that's a fuck.
That was trying to keep it like a comic head.
I have a bunch of guys on fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head.
I have a bunch of guys on.
It's just us sitting down,
and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics,
no directions.
I love doing it.
Play both sides of the coin.
That's not what a host does.
You love a part of it.
You want a day you think my podcast is popular enough?
I might affect somebody's life.
You never know.
It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com.
Put the key up on.
Yes.
Back again, with the funniest fucking podcast,
comedians podcast, I mean, hands down. I mean, it's the funniest fucking podcast,
comedians podcast, I mean, hands down.
I mean, it's the way it is, Joe.
That's just the way it is.
When I'm here, I would say it's definitely
you got an argument.
Why does he sound very canny?
Hey, I sound canny, uncanny.
Why does he sound canny?
I feel like uncanny is one of those words
that no one really knows what it means.
Don't you find that uncanny?
Yeah, I know what it means.
People say it all night out. Let's look it up, what is uncanny, or say what it means before knows what it means. So, you find that? Uncanny? Yeah, I know what it means. People say it all in a row.
Let's look it up.
It was uncanny.
Or, say what it means before you look it up.
People only use it with the look.
He looks like him.
It's uncanny.
How much they look alike.
Does he sound a little like in a can?
Yeah, he's in a can.
Why is he in a can?
Do I sound like I'm in a can?
Yeah, that's better.
What's going on?
What's going on?
That's better.
You sound way better.
I'm canny.
Do you need more, we're changing the whole studio up here.
We have a lot of changes happening.
I literally didn't know what this word meant.
Did you know what this word meant?
You're looking at it.
I'm looking now.
You're fucking cheater.
I didn't see it though.
You said you know what I meant.
I can't see.
And now you've looked.
What does it mean?
Uncanny, it's from the canneries back in Monterey,
California.
It was being watched.
What?
It's about, you know, on candy feeling about being watched.
It means strange or mysterious,
especially in an unsettling way.
Yeah.
I had no idea.
I thought on candy meant like they look so much alike.
That's fucking,
No, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's mysterious.
I have no idea what it means.
Well now we know anything I made up.
Uncaddling. Uncaddling, you're onling your uncant your faces uncanny your body is uncanny
Whoa you would face that's hurtful you can hide your body with clothes my face is out there
Hey, what's it and I'm sensitive about my face. You're not sensitive about your body
I did not know that. No, do you hear that fucking flam?
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Baby, who's the woman in the uncanny fall?
This is the uncanny valley where it's the difference between like like a AI thing and a real person. Oh, okay
The sheet of AI. Yeah, she's AI. Oh, AI, no shit. Well, can we go to her after?
Uncanny Valley after.
Anyways, blue chew, you remember when the back of the day,
I remember, you probably are still there, Joe.
Maybe you're not.
Well, you just, you know, always ready to go.
Yes, I am still always ready to go.
When you get finished and go right again,
you're ready to go for another shot.
No, I don't have that.
When you performed, it was never three quarters mass.
It was always babuma full mass baby.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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I have to punch her in a stomach and hope it dies if they don't if they overturn
New York bush and laws. That's how it'll be
And that's what you want and that's when you invest in cold hangar sales I
Give to play in parenthood monthly. Yes, $10. Yes, you know you don't I do you do I do they took my wats off this is my lying face
I do yeah, you go high pitch I do I sing the song
Anyway speaking of this let me finish this
But like all things age catches up to you Joe. I'm older and yeah
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We're done. We're done. That's it. I'll wrap it up
Why it Lou is here He's very quiet. What's up Louie?
You okay? Well, we'll fix you for you. Relax.
Where are you coming from Lou?
A little steam action. Oh, you should a little sick.
You should steam after the show. I don't like how
laxed days ago you are. I don You should steam after the show. No, I don't like how laksa days ago you are I don't have time after the show
I'm going to like a pumpkin thing
smash you sound a little nasally. I
Was sick and then I went to Tampa then LA and
What do you make in that face for I'm listening? It's my listening face. Yeah, what do you think I'm doing?
You like why are you so proud of it? I'm not there. I'm listening. You call me a liar with your eyes.
No, you're such a Puerto Rican.
No, I'm not.
I'm literally listening to you.
I'm like, I'm in a heroin not there.
I'm literally listening.
I'm listening.
I'm like, how much alliteration you use by listening?
Literally listening.
Is this your fucking threatening other comics?
Don't come in threatening me.
What are you talking about?
We're gonna talk about this thing.
I'm broad, what are you, a rat?
Why, you're not supposed to talk about it?
Well, you know, we're in a little bit of fucking litigation.
So literally listen to this litigation, Limerick.
Is it really?
No, very interesting.
No, we're not a litigation.
Anyways, we had a good time in Florida.
We, Lewis came down with his kid, Jamesy, Lil Jamesy.
Yes, the better kid.
And his girlfriend, who I love, Kim Condon.
I'm a soci.
He's the best.
Kim Condon, right?
Condon.
Condon.
Condon, whatever, Condon, who gives it?
With her family, I love her mom.
Oh God, do I love her mom?
Oh, family.
Her family.
But mom, by the way, since then,
has moved out of the house, got her own apartment.
I didn't do anything.
What'd you do, Bob?
What a shit of feeling.
I didn't do shit, dude.
Kim's like, he's turning up over the top,
like Puerto Rican lady, like accent, bitch hits.
She's like, if you're delivering subs of pizza
and you get the call, I wanna get a small Italian
and I suppose it'll buy and you show up and she opens the door you're like thank
you God. Yeah. Why don't you come in puppy? Yeah, Bobby,
Bobby liked it. Oh, she, she looked like a chick that you would like
date. Oh God, she was so, but Kim, first of all, Kim is just
ridiculous. I told, I've told you that. She's just nuts. She's like
perfect. Her sister. You're saying a lot of different words.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Ridiculously hot, ridiculously hot.
Ridiculously hot.
Kim is like so my speed.
Wow.
When I used to date, that's the girl I thought I'd always be
with like a Puerto Rican like that with an attitude.
Her little sister is fucking smoking too.
Yeah.
What's her name?
Haley, I don't know if she's old enough to say she's smoking.
I thought she was 17. Yeah, she just turned 17, you're right. Let's go. Yeah Haley, I don't know if she's old enough to say she's smoking. I thought she was 17.
Yeah, she just turned 17, you're right.
Yeah, Bobby, well, edit this.
No, she's smoking, she's pretty girl.
And then she had another stessor who has a kid who's smoking.
Wow, beautiful.
Wow, but we spent the day at the bush gardens with the kids.
It was fun, man, it was a good time.
Like kids had a blast. We went on a couple rollercoaster rides.
I put people's lives in danger with my stomach.
When they fucking, I have a video. I'm going to show you dude.
It's Bobby. He couldn't fit in the fucking seat.
And instead of getting out what they did was they called in the cooler.
They called in the batter person.
Fattest woman that worked in the park. I was on you.
Here this you this Margaret. Yeah, we got another one.
This fucking this two ton Tessie. She was a monster like she's got a
fucking bush garden shirt tucked in like a dozen fit.
She comes over to me. I'm seeing like the clover feel monsters.
She come nothing here. Take this. Yeah. He laughed over.
He did. He did you? All right. We'll leave it to me. Now we'll Take this. He laughed over. He giggled.
Did you?
All right, we'll leave it to me.
Now we'll leave it.
He laughed.
Nope, I don't want to just give it to you.
What was his energy as a problem?
I'm just going to put that out.
It's a problem.
I'm trying to be calm and I'm trying to,
I have to go to anger management now.
Do you really?
Yes!
Court ordered?
No.
There's no litigation.
I'm ordering it on myself.
Yes! You don't have to go. and I have to but I know I have to
find can you split the difference as they say in the business usually you come in you kick over a
thing you scream and then I can be the kind of guy that just shoots out of the thing because you're
talking about and I go there's a finger sorry who's this fat? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha doesn't that? You know what I mean? I feel like you're always making a thing up and then you google it and there's like 3,000 hits of people that pierce with their assholes.
Anyways I'm just saying you're a little low energy at that point.
I'm sorry Joe I'm not trying to be fucking crazy. I'm trying to be a little bit more
even killed and key and peel. I'm trying to be a little more of a key and peel. Nice black
guys. We should get key and peel. How great would it be, be this energetic. They crush it with their energy.
Yes, I'm just saying you sound a little off.
All right, come on, whoo.
Dude, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Let's fucking go.
Yeah, yeah.
What is that?
Let's go, let's do it.
Is it because you're making fun of yourself?
You're making fun of your normal self.
You're acting like a fucking fucking...
I don't know how I normally act, am I not doing a fucking thing?
This is better with getting you there.
We're getting close.
Okay, I just came in. I was little bit lazy guys reading the fucking blue chew
I got a shit my coming in I can't 36 years old. Yeah, it's not about having a
New reptile dysfunction. It's about making sex better
Sexual enhancement doggy. I'll give you some.
I'll give you some.
I'll give you some.
I'll put them in my ass and chew.
Get me on ya.
What?
I don't put a...
You can chew with your ass.
I do give them out to the other person.
Is that what the raccoon teeth went?
Bobby, that's really insensitive.
That's the second face joke we're only eight minutes in.
I'm having a hard time.
I'm not people I like, am I?
Yeah, I can chew with my ass.
I like this.
You kind of flinch.
Squinch. Anyways, we had a good time.
There was funny that that fat lady, she could-
What happened to the fat lady?
She comes over to the thing and she put all her weight
and you just see a click click.
Oh God, did you please-
And you, the white time?
I'm my spleen, shut out of my belly button.
I looked over at Lewis and of course I'm like,
I know he's sitting there with his dumb phone to his video teaming everything. I'm like, please, shut out of my belly button. I looked over at Lewis, and of course, I'm like, I know he's sitting there with his dumb phone.
He was very timid, everything.
I'm like, get put that away.
I didn't post it because I legitimately just felt bad
that I would be making fun of this well of a woman.
Because there's no way.
And the lady. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, yeah, it was uh, it was embarrassing. No, yeah, it was it.
And I try not to call you fat in front of your kid.
That's a weird thing because I have a kid too.
And it's like, you're a good guy.
You're supposed to, you're supposed to fucking be awesome
in every way in front of your kid.
In front of your kid.
I mean, he knows you're fat.
I'm sure he sees you.
He came up to me.
He slapped my belly like a drum.
I was like, good, good, good, good, good.
I'm like, hey, I'm relaxed.
Relax, relax.
That was fun because I legitimately thought you're gonna say
he knows you're awesome.
And then to hear fat instead of awesome was really
That's what comedy
Cuz you don't want to like I don't want to like cut you down for even we we bust
We don't we don't but I don't want to like cut you down in front of you. Can you just be a superhero in front of you?
It's funny how I mean I think that day was a great day with both kids
Lewis is a great dad our kids are good together
They have their little problems, but we both we all work it
I was a fun. That was a fucking great day. It was so funny. We were we did the radio. I came in with my son at like, you know, seven in the morning
Yeah, and he's playing in the 10-dial. Yeah
And he's just in there with his legs crossed
Yeah, you see you know like he's gonna. I'm waiting to blow guys
He crossed that line. He's like did he said can you tell tell you could not cross a sexy legs like that?
Yeah, he really was.
He got a long sexy Puerto Rican legs.
Well, he looks like he was waiting to fucking do ice skating for the Olympics.
He literally had his legs, his long sexy gay legs were crossed.
But he didn't look up once from his fucking Nintendo Switch.
That was a beautiful shit.
That's his nickname Switch.
We, uh, yeah, we, uh, with you. Beautiful shit. That's his nickname switch. I We
Yeah, we
Yeah, it was a lot of fun switch blade
The show's a great toe even the fucking band in no that was a purpose
That was a matter you can't fucking shoot the show blade now
He did he does fucking punny shit doesn't matter if you fucking don't get the laugh
You got to take the band down what you was early what you was early you fucking don't get the laugh you gotta take the band down What about you? What about you? What about you? What's early you fucking low energy fucking bitch?
What you get I get because I'm afraid of you especially when you're all nodded out on heroin
I'll take the bomb in I'll take it with pride. I like the bomb in taking I enjoy it
What you're coming in extremely anti
Parade for your fucking people both of you guys over here gaze right am I right? Oh what? Mo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hot legs across the line, the pedophilia lines way back here. What are you talking about? You called a 17 year old a smoke show.
And then you called a first model.
The first model I thought you was 18.
I thought you was 18.
I thought you was all, she's older, right?
Yeah, she had a kid, I thought that was her kid.
And you were totally okay with everything, 17.
I will do, my mother had my sister who was 15.
It's actually 18.
It's a sad fine with that.
Why would I not be be most back in the day
most people had kids at 15
yeah this isn't back in the day
Romeo and Juliet were 11
all right well listen
I can't wait when I'm kidding
that's a bad part
we watch in a misshow
we watch Romeo and Juliet
was that this one or Legion of Skanks
I don't know
the one we watch in high school
at the old school Romeo and Juliet
with the girl that are like tints out
yeah we watch that scene that girl was like 14 in that I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the
school, I was in the school, I was in the
school, I was in the
school, I was in the
school, I was in the
school, I was in the
school, I was in the
school, I was in the school,
I was in the school, I was
in the school, I was in the
school, I was in the school,
I was in the school, I was
in the school, I was in the
school, I was in the school,
I was in the school, I was
in the school, I was in the
school, I was in the school,
I was in the school, I was in the
school, I was in the school,
I was in the school, I was in the
school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the school, I was in the, if you're 23 or younger, you can engage in legal sexual activity with someone that's 16 or 17.
Yeah, I'm fine.
You're not 23 or younger.
I don't want to have sex with them.
You're 48.
Yeah, but it's legal to have sex with a 16 or 17 year old.
If you're under the age of 23.
But you could talk about it if you're 50 in a blow.
Well, you could talk about anything now i would never
i would even think of that was it my wife and we have a great time well actually tight
young seventeen year when you were the with your wife robberton's art if after two thousand
seven i would think of the mom of that time
we're on the ride this wet ride and i'm sitting there
i'm like please god there's one point
with the upper cards it wasn't a wet road
that was uh... those was the raging rapids.
Yeah.
And we're on this thing, and there's one point
where only one section gets wet.
And Kim and her mom was sitting in,
I was like, please God, let that section.
And thank God we came through in that waterfall fell right
on both of them.
I was like, yes!
I'm extremely uncomfortable with every outfit on that.
Granted, the side of both the, the bobby was on, was completely submerged in water.
Granted, the side of the boat.
No, we got it.
Bobby was on, was completely submerged in water.
We just saw you pause and you're...
Granted. Literally, we saw you thinking it, and then you delivered it, it was garbage.
It was the...
Was it the starboard shot?
Hang on a second.
I'm going to the portly side.
Hang on one side. Thank you. Granted. the uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh Yeah, then you went to LA after that. Yeah, how was your set Sunday night show?
Great. Yeah, yeah, the club club. How's your hours putters is so high split is this the one? I mean one of the loves types I really do too one of the best clubs out there low ceilings
Middle of fucking nowhere all day. They got chips and popcorn. That's not about fucking steaks and the menu is and
Bosco sticks. What's a boss go stick? I think it's called a Moscow. That's what they call it
It's like a mozzarella. It's like a cheesy bread. Yeah
I think I thought that too. I guess but one of my favorite clubs in the fucking world mind to believable
I want to say Vegas to last night
David Tell sold out comedy solo Vegas last night and
Apparently fucking murdered Vecchio was there last night, so Vecchino,
everybody murdered last night.
I heard it was one of the best shows ever.
Yeah, there he is right there.
David's tell, he's there tonight.
There's only a few tickets left.
It was fucking legitimately every single.
So they had to add seats, they had to get seats
from outside of the room and put seats in.
That was the
first time that's happened at this club because they're going to start doing a headline
of nights wow on the beginning of the week they've looks thrilled he fucking murdered last
night killed it quince they are the rest of the week crispy d and Quinn con Quinn I
bought one I came and I thought he was Chris Edy. I don't even know your new guy. I'm on it's Mike. Mike. Just the same as the other guy. I don't like how you guys are getting new people
and I have to use to them and I have to. They're because people don't like me at first.
So now I have a weird. I don't like you a second.
What's third?
First, second, third.
Hey, I'm in Vegas with Ari. You should feel. Listen to this show. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha from shittiest to back. I don't know where I am. I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Gary Veter, Mike Becky-Own,
Mark Normand,
Ari Shaffir.
We got a headliner.
You got a headliner and three
middleers and an MC.
Ari's a storyteller.
He really is. He really should live in the Hampshire
May are a mark that's a crazy. That's a good show. That's a crazy show
When is that March 20th of the 24th? Please comedy seller Vegas by tickets now by early by him now get up
The comedy seller of Vegas in June not the same. What are you going? You want to know my lineup? Yeah, I do my lineup. It's Louis K
Sarah Silver meant to get a reenact their
Young masterbation session through like a one-man show type thing. We got it when you said it
Cosplay you'd have to pause and not in prison
Don't worry about any amount for one fucking weekend, Joe. See the sub big my show is that Gary Veter
Yeah fucking loser Gary Veter. Yeah. Fucking loser Gary Veter. And even when America's going to want to.
What's your best man of his wedding? You give a speech?
I don't think about it anymore. I think about it every day.
It's one of the greatest things ever. No, I won't be at the comedy seller in Las Vegas.
Why not? I got to put in for a Vales. I never have done it yet.
Yeah, you've worked the club. You should work. You should you should do a um a legion of skanks out there.
You Dave Jay. Yeah, I know. And then maybe maybe get a dance soda. Yes, someone else who don't you know, maybe maybe do a legion
bonfire type week. Oh fire bonfire
What are you are you correction police now? Well, is that what you're gonna do? Is that how you get your jokes? Bonfire?
What do you think?
Yeah.
I hope you die.
Yeah, so comedy celivegas, go to comedycelivegas.com.
That Joe, that sounds like a great way.
Yeah, it's gonna be fun.
laughable.com.
Why there's so many, like we're advertising
for so much right now.
I don't see you do that at the beginning beginning but I did a lot of things that are happening
Yeah, let's just fucking talk about your shirt or his fucking nose ringing chill out chill out. We got it
We're it's all good. You're all set. You'll be fine laughable.com
Go get the app laughable.com. It's one of the best podcasting apps out there and
That's it. Lewis is like a podcast mogul. His topic of discussion is your shirt. Yeah.
I know.
Why don't we move things on to some better business?
Body shirt.
Yeah, I can literally talk about anything.
I talk for 10 hours a week.
That's what I do.
That's why your voice probably hurts.
No, my voice isn't hurt.
My voice still is good.
My heart hurts, Joe.
Why?
You, you, what?
This is what we, I'd rather go back to an ad.
Do we have any more ads?
Yeah.
Do you have anything else we can talk about?
We got a lot of ad everywhere.
Anyways. Yeah, so anyway, I was we can talk about? We got to go ahead of you. Anyways.
Yeah, so anyway, I was a little worried about you
in Vegas this week.
I guess you can't talk about it, but.
What, and Los Angeles, you think?
Yeah, I turn on the fucking thing,
and I'm like, what the fucking talk about?
I've just told the story a hundred times.
I understand.
I haven't heard anything.
I'd like to hear it.
Come over the different angle on it.
I just felt, I get nervous with you
because I'm,
you know, when I see you snapping on somebody
and, you know, threatening somebody's life
and my God, shit, no matter how much I look,
I don't know, is that what you took from the story?
You fucking piece of shit?
Well, I'm sitting, this is what I saw.
If you let me finish, I can finish my thought
and then you can make a, a fucking,
you can make a statement after that.
Or you can, you can ask me questions.
But when I saw you snapping on them,
I'm like, what the fuck happened?
I like how it went.
And then you see more intimidated of me,
which I like the most.
I am not intimidated by you.
The other side of all this is that
Bobby, I can tell us a little bit like,
all right dude, this is the real alpha here now.
Nobody scared of you.
I'm scared of him since 1999.
I will fucking.
I met him in 2001.
I would literally let you fucking beat the shit I meet, but I will come back at you with a
schemas can take your eye out.
I don't give a fuck about you and you're screaming, but I get nervous when I see you screaming
at somebody threatening you to kill them.
I didn't tell you to kill them.
What are you gonna fucking beat the shit out of them?
Are they trying to fight me?
I get nervous when you do that because I don't want to see you,
because usually the ones, even if you're right,
they see somebody screaming, that's the one
they're gonna fucking get.
And I thought you, I don't want to see you get arrested,
I don't want to see you get in trouble.
I just want to see you in the ski mask,
which you're fucking fed face bulging out of the thrills.
Ha ha ha ha.
I liked it.
I was pretty good.
Yeah, I didn't help him, but help him. He really did get it.
Big van Vader. No, you should wear the Ninja Turtle mask.
Big van Vader. It's gonna look exactly like Bobby Kelly to ski mask.
Big van Vader. He's all wrestling from WCW.
This is gonna fucking crush it. One, two, three.
Boom! Image, bitch. Oh, shit.
That's funny. We'll count it. Boom image bitch. Oh
Count it
I really think I was
Bitch hey you work for me dick fight. How's that make up make up think of a Puerto Rican wrestle pull that one up. Yeah, there's a one. Yeah, you look like
The ultimate snoreier what happened?
What happened with you? What did he fuck you up? Did he do something? I don't know the story
I got pieces of it the one seconds and apps. Please talk about a
Selfie I get it. I get it
So no one even knows who you're talking about me and Kirkman gonna find out me and Kirk Asker got into a thing like six months ago. I was at a comedy club
He was waiting to go up on stage. Oh, I remember that we were together right after yeah
He fucking lit me while I was on stage to basically cut my time short
That was a misunderstanding essentially, but we butted heads then and then he was dicky to me
His version as I came at him like you know like an animal my version is he was super condescending and shitty when I asked him
Why he lit me regardless.
Maybe somewhere in the middle.
It was someone in the middle.
We were shitty to each other.
We had to a thing then.
Six of them was like, we don't talk since then.
He started texting me a bunch of shitty stuff.
I started texting him when shit is stuff.
We didn't talk for six months.
See him at the comedy store.
I ignore him when I'm walking in.
He has pissed off the night.
Ignore him.
I didn't like say anything.
He started screaming in front of a line of people
outside of the comedy store and big Jay and Kim and a bunch of
Friends in her comics that he's gonna fucking stick me like my worthless father and leave my son fatherless
Yeah, no straight up like crazy crazy shit and by the like I didn't even know this at the time like they didn't tell me exactly
How far he went with it and he was just fuck he was in like a blind rage and he's a little heavy handed
He just started being a little
He started going crazy or crazy or really and you weren't there. I was in there
This is uncanny. So Dave Smith, you know, he comes and Dave's just like he doesn't want to like work me up
He's like you're just so you know cursing so he wants to fight you like it's not like he's not talking shit like
Like hurts things gonna like he didn't say he's gonna like kill me. I like your Dave Smith impression
It was pretty it was subtle but good. Yeah, it wasn't bad, right?
It was good.
But then, so he's trying to play it down,
but he's like, do just be ready in case you see Kirk
because you might just like swing on you, right?
I might fight you.
And then Kim, she sings a little bit what he does is.
Yeah, Kim, Kim turns the corner.
Yeah.
And she's like, she's like,
Kurt St. Crazy Shit.
He says, he's gonna stab you.
You gotta fucking, she turns into a Puerto Rican girlfriend,
which is fucking incredible.
And it's hot.
It's hot.
Really hot. So then Kurt leaves, we do a podcast. And it's hot. It's hot. Really hot.
She's so hot.
So then Kurt leaves.
We do a podcast.
You listened to the last episode of Legion of Skanks, the one that just came out on iTunes.
And it's just summarized it.
I'm not really.
It's an entire build-up to the night of it.
Kurt's going to come back to the store.
Right.
He comes back to the store.
Now, at this point in between the two shows, who's we had two shows, I had heard all the
crazy shit that he said that he was going to stab me.
He texted me. He was like, I'm not going to have to, maybe I won't all the crazy shit that he said that he was gonna stab me, he texted me,
he was like, I'm not gonna have to,
maybe I won't have to stick you,
he said something like that, it was like crazy.
I mean, he thinks sticky, which is annoying me as well.
Just give him a Puerto Rican accent when you do that.
Yeah, don't do that.
So, so yeah, he gets there,
and then it just gets crazy on stage,
and it won't be-
He came on stage.
Yeah, oh yeah.
So he came out, he texted you, he's gonna stab you,
leave you son fatherless.
Yeah, well he didn't text me
He's gonna leave my son father's if I would have known that at the time. I think I would have fucking
You would have been crazy. So then you and then what do you say to him? He comes up?
Why did he come on stage? He comes because at this point we're trying to make it a show. It was a bad idea
Okay, it's a bad idea. So you're trying to do shit. You know, we bring him on stage and
He says something
He's just being a fucking prick. He's calling me he's stupid and I was like I was like
You're a fuck what
I said it got to a place where I said something and he said
Like what are you gonna do or is like well? He was like won't you make a move on?
No, he said won't you make a move and I'll show you what I'm gonna do and then I took my whiskey cup and I
Flung it at his head. You have your own whiskey cup plastic
Yeah, I'm gonna show them his whiskey cups
Merch Merch Merch.com. Yeah, is it metal plastic?
Blast it, but But full of whiskey cup.
But I can't throw and it had big
jacket. You never father.
He gets stabbed.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. If you had a fucking dad, you
would have thrown him right in the face.
So then it got, you know, I just want
to fight Kurt at this point.
This point is not like I'm not and I
tried to convince him to fight me.
We go outside.
He was trying to convince him.
He had I'm calling him a bag.
I call his girlfriend a whore. I kid girls over her I'm like he's
right there yeah who's his girl any letterman he's dating any yeah well it's
funny as they're outside and curting all like what's he got to this way now
for behind security all really and then Kim's like just drunken being like
she's like why aren't you talking shit she's able to stab me's right there he's
right over there he wants you to stab him and I'm like come on curl it's like a
walk I'm being crazy I'm gonna say let's fight like let's take a walk bro
That's the worst thing when someone's being passive aggressive. No, dude. I'm not gonna hurt you
Yeah, yeah, I'm just taking a walk and get ice cream
You like ice cream?
I can't you should be diffusing situation just shut the fuck up and King goes what she grabbed his glass over face and threw them with
Flores, like make me shut the fuck up bitch
And then they got into a cab and they left.
And me and Metzger basically squash it afterwards.
So that's the whole story.
It squashed.
It squashed.
I mean, what am I leading into?
He ended up apologizing for taking it to that level.
And he ended up doing Jeff Leach's podcast.
And I think he sort of realized,
he's sort of reading some of these texts that he was sending me and he was like shit dude,
I'm like saying, and then he also like,
I've been there for Metzger.
Metzger's never been there for me.
It's not like I do this looked out for me.
It's not like you.
What are you gonna say, Bob?
You've like really, really been there for me before.
Metzger's gone through some shit
and I'm like a dude who is like called late at night
to like fucking vent to and like,
and I think he's sort of realizing
that he was being a fucking real shitty friend.
Yeah.
So, yeah, we, you know, we was squashed it.
Well, good.
I'm glad it squashed because that was a pretty fucking intense video.
Kim, get a love, Kim.
How hot, how, how hard were you when you saw that?
Oh, dude, I'm gonna get a pregnant.
So did Kim and Annie squash it?
Are they cool?
I don't know.
I hope they fight.
It's a fun sound.
It sounds so.
It's not tight. Kim was like fucking fight me.
Yeah, you're so that's so Puerto Riga. She took the glasses off. So she didn't get a
rest she didn't get a rest if a punch is somebody with glasses. Yeah, she knows the rules
of engagement. Kim hates people that look smart. Really? She's dating you. So yeah.
Um, nothing. All right. I like you. So yeah. Nothing? All right.
I like it.
I smiled.
I was covering my face as much as I could.
Because of the comments you made earlier.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, that's wild.
Yeah, it was pretty good.
Kurt, it's like struggling a little bit.
Seems crazy.
Look, I know how crazy to.
I know I'm crazy too.
I have heard that.
And that's why I want to go to anger management
because I can't keep on getting into shit.
You know, it's happening more and more.
It's more fucked up, the more success I'm getting,
the more I'm letting go to having like
real world responsibility.
Like I feel like I'm above like the law.
Like I won't go on blunts all the time now.
Like it's not a problem.
Like I just like, like it's a weird thing.
I feel like I have less accountability for some of my actions.
So I think I'm quicker to like tell somebody
to shut the fuck up, now it's bad.
Yeah, you gotta be careful.
Cause eventually you're gonna be actually successful
and I just,
I'm like a character man, Joe.
He can still, he can do what he wants to do.
But that's good though,
cause you're anger, you know, you're getting older, dude.
It's gonna anger, I've been trying to work on my anger
for the last five years.
It's in a motherfucker. It's hard to, that's the way we express ourselves.
That's where we let shit out.
Express yourself.
That's where I see yelling.
I've done that.
I've wanted to do it.
I mean, you've been in screaming fights.
You know, it's never got to the point
where we've threatened violence on each other.
Yeah.
Because it never,
But because I think that I'm not scared.
Are we yelling at each other?
That's just kind of the way we do things.
It's when you do it to somebody else.
And they're like, what's happening?
What do you know?
Other people have done it.
Like I mean, Joe, I apologize to Joe because...
Not enough, but yes, you have.
But me and him have gotten a fight
to the way I argue and the way he argues is two different things yeah I don't argue I'm a gentleman I like to say I just agree
you should go to Alan we should all go together I'm not calling you're fucking therapists
that everyone goes see psychopads you should you went to I went to Alan and I saw the look in his eyes
that it was gonna share my secrets no he actually didn't he actually told me he didn't want to
work with you okay I don't like Puerto Ricans
Yeah, he's too aggressive
No, you fucking idiot fucking your brightest office
You who are you gonna go to I?
Don't know I gotta go therapy. Are you gonna? I don't know whatever would I going to go to therapy or are you going to? I don't know, whatever. I'm going to look into different anger management.
I don't know if you want to do anger management.
I think that's what I need.
I don't know if you want to watch the movie first.
It's a little intense.
Yeah, stinks.
It's a little intense.
You know, plus you have that, if you go to therapy,
which is the same thing, you go to therapy now,
Jesus Christ.
Where?
Thanks.
You are moving where?
Downtown, uptown. Yeah, it was uptown. Now I do it on Skype. You Skype your therapist.
This is dead air. No, it's not dead air. I was reading this. It's how to argue. It says arguments don't have to be hurtful
But they can't easily turn that I can't read they can easily turn that way if you're not careful
You're gonna start with a compliment luckily there are several techniques and tricks you can try
So I will allow you to get your point across a job
Yeah, your mouth does not look that much like an asshole today
See compliment now that's terrible now I does not look that much like an asshole today. See, compliment.
That's terrible.
Now I can say, it looks just like an asshole.
I mean, I'd rather take honesty.
It looks like an asshole that does piercings.
Are you?
Play fair.
Play fair, Lewis.
I do play fair.
Play fair.
But here's the thing.
I write, I write the rule book.
What?
Respect the other person. Respect the other person respect the other person. That's nice
But that's it. You see I look like just like Kim that Puerto Rican check
But these are all interracial arguments, which I find
It really is a Puerto Rican young out of white lady
Say something Blum keep that I
I think that's I think that's good that you're going.
I think it's good, because you are an angry dude.
But you're not angry around your kid whatsoever.
Ever.
I'm really not.
What is that?
I hold it in.
I think it's a problem.
I think it's almost like what happens with people on the internet.
They get to YouTube and write it where they don't have accountability for their actions.
And they let loose and they say crazy shit because you know, in society, we're like fucking
we're just beating down and you can't really say anything you think anymore.
So I think what happens is I hold it in when I'm around my son all day
and then as soon as I drop off to his mom, I just scream the N word.
That's wrong with you.
What?
What's wrong with you? It was too long to get to that
What what really you what I'm saying what really crazy of thought it is a crazy thought
I'm talking about
The end what I know what you're saying why why are you able to shut it down?
like that
Maybe it's because your son is the only person
you truly have ever loved.
Or truly love.
Maybe it's the intimacy of that relationship
that you feel safe enough not to be this fucking fuck you.
No, it's because I...
Why are you trying to do a long island yet to do?
No, it's because...
What the fuck is that?
It's because he's my bo booby and I love him.
No, I don't know.
I don't know why I'm talking like this.
Very often.
It's my new character.
I think you're a wonderful dad, but this voice sucks.
My name is Modi.
I'm a gay comedian.
I didn't know Modi was gay. He's not out. Yeah, we did
We did it. Did we are we doing here? It's wrong with you. No, dude stop at it. Stop it
Editing the I don't edit the show ever
Jesus Christ. He never said don't tell everyone I'm gay stop saying
What the fuck now you gonna out what are you gonna out don't really next?
Jesus Christ you guys gonna be talking about
Christy and and and Collins relationship next oh my god
Everyone is gay
Oh my god, I was supposed to tell everyone is gay
That's the way we're gonna be
Everyone that we know is secretly gay in the closet. That's a bit we do
Don't she's a lesbian I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in the mind but married in the minds no good
Trying go honestly
Let me know the truth let me know the truth
We should
I have no idea guess I don't I don't like this. I don't get this $500 mean Joe split this. 500 dollars mean Joe split it. Yeah, I'll give it 250.
Three guesses.
No help.
No help.
Because any help is null and boys.
Null and boys.
And you have to donate it to an environmental group.
Nope.
You could eat with it.
How is he going to buy enough food with 500 bucks?
It's a light breakfast.
Three guesses.
No hints.
I don't want you looking at the video right here.
Okay. Three guesses. Yeah. You're back in for fuck's sake. No hints, I don't want you looking at the video right here. Okay, okay.
Three guesses.
Yeah, you're ready in the next 30 seconds.
No more hints!
That's not a hint, I'm singing the song.
It is so hot in here, it's fucking crazy.
I can't think, turn the fuck in, but it's not on it.
Oh shit, I'm weezin.
It's ice, put it on ice.
I can't afford to pay this bet.
You ready?
Yeah. That's shit. Manana na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na I Nickelback That hurts the money has went down 100 for saying no way to imply that we knew and nickelback
You're giving hint by heart. You're giving hint. I'm not gonna hit it. No, he knows it's not a he knows it's not a shit awful band that he likes
I guarantee Bobby's a fucking nickelback fan. I guess he loves nickelback. Who is nickelback? I just you love him
I know I think that he's just saying look at his food graph
What he's showing him shit
What is this? Oh, he's cheating. He's not cheating. I already called this bet is no
He's not cheating. All right. You ready go no invoixery boys. No
You think but that could have been that you know a bunch of weird shit like that. Yeah, it's the room. It's a
The weird shit like that. It's the... the? The? No, it's not wider. It's right. It's right.
Whoa whoa whoa. I think it park. No, it's stink or so. Pink triangle by Weezer.
On the album? Stink or tin. Pink or tin, the best album they have no second best year
the first time so much better where we do it let's get back to some business
like that
that was fun we can't discuss we's our albums these people are gonna tune out
well
why not they like it that i might as pretty good
i just want me that out for christmas reminds me christmas
oh that's sweet
yeah what's wrong with that you have a sister
yeah
um
yeah well that's good to go now i'm happy Um, yeah, well, that's good that you're going to,
I'm happy about that.
But, you, don't, isn't that your character though?
You being a fucking crazy person, that kind of,
your brand?
You know, what if you become a happy person
that doesn't get angry anymore?
No, don't do that. This is what Alan's always done.
He said what every comedian comes in and says,
they're afraid to get calm and take care of their stuff,
but you have to understand that you're a funny person no matter what happens even if you lost a leg
Well your kid died or you got shot in the whatever
The fuck would you bring down on it? I'm just saying like if you got held down and fucking beaten or like you know someone stole your kid from money
You still be a funny person. I'm just saying it anymore
I'm a dear child
We stopped someone taped him up and took him to another country,
you'd still be a funny person.
What the fuck?
You know what I mean?
Even if he wasn't more fun to be around the max,
he would still be funny.
Jesus Christ, Joe.
What are you so hot?
We, is it on?
Is it on high?
I gotta take it.
This is the way your fucking team looks at me. They're looking for
affordable sliding scale therapy. You fucking scumbags. Is that the way you see me? Like I
need a fucking affordable sliding scale therapy. Do you want me to look for really expensive
therapy? No, you just fucking look for therapy. You don't go out. It's not about the fucking
price about the quality of therapy. So we got a fucking nose ring. Allen.
Like, what later stop, stop, stop, stop.
You know, just sliding scale therapy makes decisions like that. Stop, stop, stop, stop. You guys just sliding scale therapy, you make decisions like that.
Why are you, why are you getting angry out?
You try.
I don't like how your fucking producers put me
in a fucking poor Puerto Rican corner.
Well, I don't know if they put you there.
He was just trying to look, a go for you.
Maybe get you some scale shit, you know?
How much you want to spend?
300?
I don't want to spend anything.
What are you gonna spend?
What are you trying to do?
He's looking for cheap.
We're trying to get you a nice better-
You're not gonna spend-
It's not the best. It's the best. It's the best podcast, podcast therapy. No, you can't do a podcast about anger. Anger, management. No are you trying to do? He's looking for cheap. We're trying to get you a nice pair of other podcasts. Podcast therapy.
No, you can't do a podcast about anger.
Management.
No, you can't do that.
No, we can do better than that.
Maybe, um, stranger, dainter.
How about this pissed off Puerto Rican?
No, let's think.
How about the fuck, Joe?
What, I'm just saying it today.
Let's say your stinks.
I know, but we're trying to cut it.
I mean, that's not how creativity works.
You don't just smash somebody's ID, go, no.
Maybe not.
No, no, you're supposed to let it pass.
That's what we're doing in a writer's room.
You go, okay, okay.
You will let it pass.
It's the proper way to do it.
All right, so practice, let's practice.
I do it again, I'll present an idea.
No, no, no, no, no, you practice.
All right, what if we got, the show is eight guys.
They all fuck each other and then they switch
and then they also raise a small kid.
What do you think?
The real world. All right, it was the real world. Okay, all right, it sounds good. That was good, Bob. What about, what about, what's yours just bad? other and then switch and then they also raise a small kid what do you think I I I
Real world okay, all right sounds good. That was good. What about what about what about we make it three guys and they do a podcast
That could be something they don't fuck each other
Two of them want to but can't because they're married that could be that could be what else what else?
See that's how you do it. That's not bad. What else does everybody think I also think since I started chewing blue
Choo's like my spirit is gone. Come on. Don't see that. It's a fucking sponsored bro. That's from them
It's his sponsor guys say whatever you want. We'll just blame the fucking dude. You're the guy for the
How much I love blue chew?
That's who he now. No, no, no, I'm not blue.
I love blue-chid too, baby.
Yeah.
Let's get to some good business.
You know, let's talk politics.
Something serious.
Well, listen, you've been bringing up this.
I've been sending you facts.
We're talking about politics.
You've been sticking it back in my face.
It's really bothering me.
We are doing it.
I don't like it.
I don't like what you do it.
I'm not trying to say you're wrong.
I'm just trying.
This is what people do with climate change.
They say you are wrong.
As though I came up with this theory. As though I wrote, I sat down and was like, you know what I think is climate change they say you are wrong as though I came up with this theory
as though I wrote that I sat down and was like you know what I think is happening I'm talking
about NASA I'm trying to get up to you.
Stephen Hawking I've had this for 10 years we'll go well what about this and you send me
a thing and when you find any climate change it's not hard to do you send me a guy saying
the truth about climate change I do this to him he's he's, he's been paid 250,000 dollars.
Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
Can I, look, here's the deal.
Can I tell you guys, I don't know
who's wrong or right about climate change, okay?
But can I tell you what the truth is?
Let me ask you this.
Let me finish.
Let's do you.
All right, fair, I apologize.
It doesn't matter.
Go love your fucking wife.
Go have a baby, buy a house, be successful.
What are you worried about
fucking climate change for, Joe? You have a child, I'm worried about be successful. What are you worried about fucking climate change for, Joe?
You have a child, I'm worried about you, your child.
Why are you worried about my child?
Because I love you a child.
Fucking weird life.
I love you a child.
Get my kid out of your head, fucking fruit bag.
I like the way he sits, I like his legs.
I fruit bag.
It's not what, let me ask you this, what are the signs?
Do you deny?
What's the other thing?
I'm not denying it, Joe, I'm your child.
Because you're a friend and you're not doing anything? I'm not denying it Joe I'm gonna say this is that they can't get you to do anything if they just say hey look
We're having some problems. We need people to be more responsible and they have to scare the fuck out of you. They have to say it's too late
It's fucked up. They're doing it. They're doing it. They're doing it. They're doing it. They're doing it.
It's over. That's what they're doing because they need you to go, oh my god
We have to fucking recycle. We have to do this. We have to I get it. I get what they're doing
But it's the world is an ending in fucking 40 years or 20 years
That's what I'm saying. It's not gonna be a we've we've well Bobby's world is gonna end in about 12
I think we're on 10
It's not it's not ending. It's not it's not, so you're just, you're not interested
in the scientific thing.
Listen, what makes you think that?
I'm sorry.
Why do you think you're smarter?
Well, I'm not, I'm not,
I'm not an international scientist.
This is what you, this is what you guys do.
Bobby, you're fucking science.
I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no, you're, no, you're,
you're, you're, you're saying,
this is science.
No, no, no, this is what you're saying to me.
You're saying you're saying, you're saying,
what, you're, you're being passive aggressive.
I'm being aggressive.
And I'm being aggressive. You're being passive because you're saying I'm being aggressive
I'm being aggressive. You're saying what what do I I'm not saying I know anything
I'm saying that I've looked on both sides of it and we've been through we how many how many
degrees hotter is the earth than it was when you're in the wrong years ago
It's it's not there's not both sides
that was pretty other it was good to finish it there's not both sides by the other
side is being paid for
but the fucking gas and oil and fossil fuels company you can look at it
what we have a what the guy you sent me immediately he is paid what about the
woman what about the woman what do you keep saying that the women the woman on
the on the on the woman on the video that i sent you
what the fuck are you guys even talking about nobody knows what you're talking about i'm telling you
i said i sent him the i cc report out i think i had to see i sent him cc
you came on last podcast and told us that the world's gonna end at two thousand forty i thought the world is gonna end
what did you say
we have about ten to twelve years to drastically change something so the world
is going to be a very
very bad place to live and you don't have to have been talking about this for
twenty years it's happening how many storms of the century have we had you
don't look at one weather that you look at all of them we've had the worst
droughts the worst wildfires we had the fucking hurricane whatever the hell
that blue border equal to pieces we just had hurricane michael develops in two days
annihilated the panhandle of Florida some kind of
black dog Spain
some sort of
first hurricane
but you're accurately designed to have to
predict
I'm not saying I'm not saying that we're not fucking up the world I'm not
disagreeing with that I'm saying that I'm not saying that we're not fucking up the world. I'm not disagreeing with that. I'm saying that it's not as
Dyer that we're go if we don't make a change tomorrow. We're dead in
2040
We've the atmosphere the world has heated up. It's cooled down. It's done a bunch of shit before and you're blaming it on what?
What not me. You're not scientists. You're not me. Science it, well, you're people.
That's not how you're friends.
You're best friends.
You're best friends.
This is not political.
What are your friends doing?
Stephen Hawking, this is NASA.
This is the astronauts.
This is fucking scientists.
And you, listen, here's a deal.
You got a nick on your finger in the middle of the woods and we had open an emergency fucking
first aid kit.
Well, certainly have anxiety issues.
This is it. That's enough saying. certainly have anxiety issues. This is it.
This is enough saying.
You have anxiety issues.
This is here.
This isn't me making this up.
You're acting like I came up with it.
You said we're dead in 20 years.
Well, I'm saying I like all.
I like all.
I have to worry about my son.
You should worry about your son and the environment.
Here's the thing.
You're an outdoors guy anyway.
So even if you don't believe in climate change,
don't you want to preserve?
Do you think we should have an environment
to protect your agency? Don't you want to preserve? Do you think we should have an environment to protect your agency?
Don't you want a cleaner environment
and planet, water, trees?
I do, and I agree with all that.
I just don't like scaring the fuck out of everybody
while doing it.
It's not about scaring your sons, gonna be dead.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
It's not about scaring the fuck out of people.
It's understanding that there's a problem.
You're gonna grow like a fucking extra orm at his back. It's about understanding there's a problem.. That there's a problem. You're gonna grow like a fucking extra arm out of his back.
It's about understanding there's a problem.
I understand there's a problem.
I think everybody does.
I don't like the fact that we over fish the oceans.
We fuck up the land.
The food we eat is garbage.
I understand all that.
But I'm not saying in 2020 years,
it's not all crumbling away.
No, why do you think that?
Because it's not. There we go. That's max, that's max in 20 years. We got a picture. away. No, why do you think that because it's not there? We got this max max in 20 years
We got a picture my dick fucking two weeks ago
What makes you so
The ice is melting
categorically factually causing the seat arise
Joe who cares? Shadows getting warmers and the hurricanes are getting more frequent and big hairs
You have a child you have a child. I guess what we're going to fucking live our lives
Like we're gonna be as happy as possible. I don't think that he's gonna be 27
But that's all right. He's gonna be 27 and just like fucking Jimmy Hendrix. He'll live a long life
And Kurt Cobain. Yeah, die at that fucking awesome age should I better start practicing the drums.
We can be remembered by yeah, I'm Joe.
You're fine, but what do you want us to do?
What is your point of all this?
What do you want?
What do you want?
I want to vote.
I want you to vote.
I want you to vote.
Fuck you vote.
By the way, you want us to vote for your people.
I want to know.
You're not saying go get educated.
Yeah, figure out what side you want. Hold on. Yeah,. You're not saying go get educated. Yeah. Figure out what
side you want. I'm gonna hold on. Yeah. I'm just a little bit slow of people to vote for. So
what you're saying is just go vote because you want to. I would rather say, hey, you know what?
I'm gonna stay out of it. Guys go vote. The people who know what the fuck they're talking about go
vote. And then guys like me and Bobby, we should go fucking fly fishing. You want to go fly fishing?
I love the fly fish with you dog. You've heard the news.
Oh, this guy?
97% of...
Go to the woman.
Scrawled to the woman.
Climate change is getting worse.
Yeah, there we go.
Carbon could cost us...
You go to the woman.
Which woman?
What are you talking about?
I'm gonna bring you to the woman.
Bring me to the woman.
Bring me to the woman.
Bring me to the woman.
There's the woman.
Ready to stop the...
Bring the woman to me.
Right here.
Now, keep going.
Keep going. Right right there go back
okay this woman change tonight that's a bomb that's a bomb that's what they
were saying jude's curries acclimat scientists the Georgia tech she wants
agreed with the scare mom scientists what change all we pause for one second
now gate
i don't respect females in any industry
so this is i have to sort of discount what she's about to say.
OK, that's fine, but this is here.
Let's just hear.
What was in the joke?
We only plot among the world's top climate scientists.
The group of esteemed scientists were
strategizing to squash their opponents.
And I thought, oh, wait a minute.
Why should I believe this instead of my
own judgment what scientists actually agree on is a very narrow slice of things
that's not true okay okay what not true but you're not a scientist she's a scientist
you're telling me to believe scientists yeah science yeah you're pulling up science
are we gonna we got to move on because it's silly
Why would I agree with scientists instead of my own she said something my own
I get the word she would I want to quote accurately no she said there. They're doing it play it again
That's what women science agree on is a very
Back up back up back all all the way up a little more
were little walk go back
and right there a plot among the world's top private scientists the group of
esteemed scientists
were
strategizing to squash their opponents nice out
oh wait a minute why should I believe this instead of my own judgment?
Stop, you know what I mean?
Judgment.
Yeah, no, her own scientific facts.
No, no, she said that.
She said my own judgment.
As a scientist, she's gonna go and she's gonna actually
do what?
And what facts are squashing their opponent.
There is no opponent.
They're scientists. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, way of thinking. You think that's impossible? You think scientists to hell to a different standard than the rest of fucking human race? This is international.
I will admit for the argument that you can pull up people that will say it's
not real. I bet if you did a little bit of searching, she's probably... Let's do it.
Let's do it. Let's do that. Just like the first get her name. Let's do that right now.
I will fucking... Let's do that. This is the thing that people that but this is what people don't do so amazing to me that we are
Are you about science like do you do you don't?
I know she's one person you'll be able to find all three other people that are there with scientists. Yes, this is a piece about how
Glow warmings not real
I'm not saying about John. Well, how are you fucking already started to Bobby Kelly he's the only friend of ours who has his own gravitational pull
Wow I'm trying to do something
You're gonna have to
Try this is the problem though as soon as you have a fucking conversation
I'm not getting politics. I'm saying that you're panicking about something. I'm not panic. I'm not getting politics. I'm saying that you're panicking about something and you don't need to panic.
I'm not panicking.
You told me I need to worry about my son.
You should, you should be concerned about the future.
You should be concerned.
I am concerned enough.
You feed your kid fast food.
No, why?
Because I-
Because Bobby moves very slowly.
Wow.
Why not?
I did, can we just try again? Do it again.
You have a good one in you.
No, I mean, he's a bad guy. Try this one.
You guys are fine. Try this one.
Because Bobby ate it. That's good. Ask me the question again.
Do you feed your kid fast food?
No. Why?
Because Bobby moves too slowly.
No, say because Bobby ate it. Try it again.
Because Bobby ate it. Why don again. Because Bobby ate it.
Ha ha ha.
Why don't you feed him fast food?
I give him fast food ever since a while.
He can have fast food.
But the reason why we don't give him fast food
is because Donald Cook's every meal.
Breakfast, lunch, dinner.
She cooks homemade food.
It's not because you think it's unhealthy.
I think fast food, certain fast food is unhealthy.
Yes.
Why do you think that?
But, uh, well, because it's not homemade, i think fast food uh... certain fast food is unhealthy yes why do you think that but uh...
well because it's not home made
because it's frozen it's made so i don't know where it's made there's studies
lots and lots of studies
that it's unhealthy food but some of it is not unhealthy smash burger is better
than mcdonald's that's where is that healthy bobby but it's not it's not as bad
as mcdonald's for my kid how do you know how do you know what healthy food is what is unhealthy food well
but i know the i know for a fact that smash burgers made right there with meat uh my
question is mcdonalds is a frozen burger that they made who knows where and he did up uh
uh he did up for you there my question is how do you know the difference with healthy food and unhealthy food
i i know the difference with healthy food and unhealthy food. I I know the difference between healthy food and unhealthy food because people did study
and other
other
I'm on this woman is the an American climatologist and former chair of the school of
earth and atmospheric sciences at Georgia Institute of Technology. She seems
somewhat accredited. I mean somewhat. I mean let's look at her Wikipedia page.
Okay. Let's do it by any
but this is can I stop and this is also woman? But can I stop you for one second, Joe?
This is the thing that people will refuse to do.
If someone disagrees with them about the subject
and then, you know, we can't talk about it
because you don't agree with what I agree.
You're not fucking, it's like, why can't we do this?
Why can't I find something or this woman?
And you go, well, let's find out if she's accredited.
And if she's not, if she's a little,
then it's like, oh, you taught me something.
Then I learned something.
Then I maybe can understand what you're saying.
Oh, maybe she is.
And maybe we can have a conversation about something
and learn from each other
or do a little research on something.
But to just go, you know what, we can't talk about it.
We just can't move on.
I thought we shouldn't because it's getting great but we are having a conversation.
Yesterday, you sent me a guy the first video you sent me.
Thank you, Lou.
The first video you sent me immediately.
I wrote back, look at this page.
And what did I do?
And what did I do?
You said nothing, you sent me a new video.
I went and did more research.
I went and got more videos.
But to your point, if we're having a discussion and you're saying people can't admit when they're right or they're wrong
why don't you go oh well that's interesting he is in the pocket of the coal
and gas company my bad but no let me see what i said no that's not you said that
and i was like all right let me what about this it wasn't a fuck you Joe it was
hey look at this that's what it was okay you took it as a hey fuck off for some reason
I didn't take it as a fuck off. I just can't have a question about her
You raise you that Judas Curry is in with the Koch brothers. Let me say read it. Yeah, but this is Greg leading calm with the fuck see
All right Greg we get it you think Greg might have an agenda. I think Greg has an agenda
What does it say anything now?
She might be in the with the cook brothers. It's some dude speculating. Yeah, some speculating douche bag
This is what the fucking problem with the internet this every fucking
Somewhere in the middle what the truth lies somewhere that should be a new podcast
The middle Lewis J. Thomas truth lies somewhere in should be your new podcast the middle Lewis J.
Thomas truth lies somewhere in the middle every week we have somebody I'm sure
there is let me ask you I'm sure there is a some sort of video out there
that somebody breaks down the both the myth like a quick fucking video the
myth of climate change and then also why climate change is very real why don't
we look at something like that? So we get a little information
because it's a lot of yelling out as much.
But the stats of the world is getting warmer.
The temperatures are getting warmer.
Has had Christmas fucking three years ago
in the 60s?
Has it gotten warmer before?
In the history of the Earth, does it get warm
and then cold again?
The end of the crustaceous period.
What does this say?
The average global temperature of Earth
has increased about 0.8 Celsius, 1.4 degree Fahrenheit,
since 1880.
2-thirds of the warming has occurred since 1975
at a rate of roughly 0.15 to 0.2 degrees Celsius.
What does it say right after that?
But why should we care about one degree of warming?
There's a thing right there down here. A one degree global change is significant because it takes a vast amount of heat to warm all the oceans atmosphere
And land by that much in the past a one to two degree drop was all it took the plunge the earth into a little ice age
A five degree drop was enough to bury a large part of North America under a towering mass of ice 20,000 years
Yeah, but does it has it dropped before will it go back down?
Will it go back down?
Is this the way the earth works?
But will it go back down?
Or is this because of us?
And this is unprecedented.
But hang on, some of these studies, right?
Did they say the earth?
Happy, they're saying that it happened
when we didn't have cars.
The earth temperature rose.
But it's just that the sky not a cause of a spread of the study that ninety
seven percent of international scientists
agree on ninety seven percent now many of the other percent the ones we've
already looked at
have been immediately found to be in the pocket of the gas and coal company
something very similar happened
when cigarettes came out there was plenty of science
and doctors,
you can look at up.
Cigarettes don't cause cancer, Joe.
Exactly, they said exactly that.
Now it's become common knowledge.
And part of this, they were talking about this
25, even 50 years ago, but 20 years ago,
let me just finish this one thing.
There's a climate change joke in hot shots.
That's how long ago they were talking about it.
Now, not only have been talking about for 20 years,
exactly what they were talking about it now not only have been talking about for 20 years exactly what they were talking about is
Happening exactly there's more category five hurricanes that we've ever seen each year we have more
Do you want us to do now?
What do we do? I want to stop talking now?
I'll do whatever you want
This is where whenever you want to make you stop yapping. I will do it right now vote
Fucking stop you the hair spray you want me to fuck your cycle. What do you want me make you stop yapping I will do it right now vote fucking stop you the hair spray you
want me to fuck up a cycle what do you want me to do this is where it comes to politics and I
understand now I can't help it now I can't abort a baby I thought we were having a good
scale wasn't politics fucking eight minutes ago now it's my woman my body meets it. We get the chat. That's why I said now
Where the politics comes in is unfortunately where it always comes in of our politicians Yeah, the Republican Party in America completely by
Fucking party denies that this is happening
Very much because they're on their side. They're funded by
Because this party seems like fucking annoying a shit
I agree the left is fucking annoying and I make great
It's a point you have to go
I'm with him. He's like with him. Just let's move on
Hey really do I'm with him. I'm with him. He's fine. I'm with him. Just move on.
Hey, really, do.
They're words.
At some point, you have to go, I got a kid.
Maybe I should be concerned.
Your passion still complicit.
Everybody, they love that word complicit.
If I can stick that word in your ass, you're gonna have to answer to this as an adult.
You're gonna have to go.
I'm not gonna be dead in 12 years.
I did nothing.
I did nothing.
I didn't feel like it.
I had a podcast. That's what you'll say to your children. I didn't feel like it. I had a podcast.
That's what you'll say to your children.
I didn't care.
That's what I recycle.
I plant my own fucking vegetables.
I live up in the woods.
I hike.
My son knows about nature.
What, what are you talking about?
I'm doing my things.
He's actually doing more for the environment
to make it better than you are by yapping and fucking.
I don't know.
I do, I do a lot.
That's the environment. That's the great. So what are you saying? That's great. I don't know. I do I do a lot actually that's great.
So what are you saying?
That's great.
I'm just saying that
it's not all over in 20 years.
I'm saying that they
hope right.
I'm saying
that they scare the fuck out of us.
So you vote for their party.
Exactly.
That's the same shit.
It's the same shit.
This is not.
It's a way to make it political.
This is your new political.
It's not Democrats saying it's
silent. It's saying it's
saying it
and the
scientists and
actually scared and you go good go vote democrat that they're not doing that
just
i'm doing it
i'm not a scientist or a
transgendered scientists
the scientists are just making the report what does this say this is gary
john i don't know why i'm going to be a lot of the
he was because he was a different kind of public and he was the libertarian
candidate i'm coming to you are jealous and they they asked them when he was
running what he would do about climate change and he said he doesn't care
because one day the sun's gonna swallow the earth
so he would do nothing against it yeah because i gotta be honest with you we
can sit here and you can sweat the small stuff you you can waste your entire life complaining and going, oh my
hell, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah the second best time is right now. I planted a tree. You planted a tree that's great. I planted two trees in my backyard,
and I grew on my own back,
conventional.
That's very good.
That's great.
That's fucking great.
That's great.
That's what I'm trying to do.
I'm going to go on Twinkies as well.
I don't know.
I think you're still.
I think you still have it.
You just keep it.
Where is it?
You just keep it.
We're like keep the bomb down it today.
I don't care.
Actually, put it around your wrist.
If I wasn't here, this would be a very serious conversation about whatever he's talking
about.
Yeah, we would never get another comic to sit there and try to be funny.
No, they would know they would sit there and they'd be like, I will tell you my serious
opinion on this right now.
But if it was Dan Soda and he wouldn't, he would.
He'd be like, well, let me tell you something very safe.
Let me tell you some folks.
You're going gotta go play
You plant tree we rush we chop tree down and put in stove to make soup. This is the last thing
I'm a tree is planted first of all nobody pointed out nobody pointed out how great my food argument
We just some dance out rubber before in presence.
I fucking love dance.
My food argument was flawless.
What was your food argument?
How do you know there's good food and bad food?
Okay, what's the point of that?
Tell me the point of it.
Tell me the point.
They've done studies, scientists,
they've understand what healthy and what isn't healthy.
And you understand?
I understand.
Can I say something?
You don't understand anything.
That does not mean shit. That does not mean shit. healthy and what is unhealthy and you understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I understand I'm just wondering if there's any other kind of scientific unanimous scientific amazing
that you're saying that your thing is perfectly it's not.
I don't think that's the reason why I know Don's food is healthier because she picked every
single ingredient.
That's why I know home cooked meals healthier because she knows and I know what she put into it
I don't know when you go to a restaurant anywhere right is fast food
Okay, so admit that that scientific studies have been done to prove that certain foods are healthier than others
Yes, we just obviously obviously
There are also politicized versions of that same argument, right?
So back in the day when they they came up with the food pyramid, there was that that document
I'm like, right, but that was scientific at one time and there was political agenda behind it. So we'll a
Well, let me make this point when you look at that and you look at that whole scenario
You can go like I don't really buy anything that any of these signs
Check for lay healthy food
Keep going.
I mean, I'm gonna do it.
Again, I only get healthy food.
McDonald's has healthy food.
Keep going.
Bobby's just ordering on an Uber.
Ruby Tuesdays.
Ruby Tuesdays.
Cheesecake Factory, healthy food.
Taco.
This can't, it doesn't make sense.
What you're doing here.
What are you doing?
You're naming unhealthy places
and just saying healthy food.
No, they have. They have healthy food. No, they have healthy food.
Yeah, that's not okay.
So I'm going to say healthy food, whole grain bread.
Panera bread, healthy food.
Almost every bread.
I think I did write this.
Football season is well underway now.
Let's me ask you something, Lewis.
Do you bet football?
No, you don't care about football, but you know I do.
Oh yeah, no, no, no football.
But sometimes actually Super Bowl, I throw some money down. Are you winning your office pool? No.
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Politics, Joe.
Yeah, politics.
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What, can we look at some of the presidential odds right now?
Yeah, please. I think Trump's gonna win again.
I think there's a really good chance of that. You can bet him on beth.desi.com.
I can't, I think Trump's gonna win again again I think that all the fucking shit. I think certain people are getting like I look
I'm probably more independent or in the middle than anything right now
But I talked to people they're fucking get them fed up with this attacking people in restaurants and screaming and yelling and making
Everybody feel like shit because you don't believe the way they want you to believe here
By the way they want you to believe. Yeah, by the way, just get offline.
It just let go of the internet for a minute.
Nobody's really doing that in real life.
I did, you know what I did?
But I put an hour limit on social media a day.
And if I'm on a social media,
social media, as soon as I'm on for an hour,
all my shit shuts down on my phone.
I was social media, it hits the planet
and kills all of us today.
Media, I'm from Boston, I say media.
Look at this, Michael Bloomberg plus six thousand,
that's a good bet.
I like Bloomberg.
Yeah, he could win.
I like it.
I'm gonna put a bet, I'm gonna go to bet DSI right now.
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Yeah, I'll do that.
I'll put what we want out of everybody.
Let's see, what do they got there?
Hillary Clinton is what?
Where is she?
Plus six thousand.
Oh, Michelle Obama's like that. That Bloomberg is a good bet. Michelle Obama's not running. Everybody listen, what do they got there Hillary Clinton is what where is she plus 6000 oh
Yeah, Michelle Obama's not running. We you stop
No, but they're my dream, but Michael Bloomberg right now you could win $6,000 a hundred dollar bet. I think he's gonna run. He's not running. You don't think so now
He's a fucking billionaire. Why does he want that? So is the current president? He's a millionaire
He's a billionaire. He is now. He was a millionaire and I guarantee he's not a real billionaire
Maybe is now, but I was speaking so deeply and if it's asked right now, I don't he wasn't a
He doesn't want to be wrong. This was a moment where Bobby
Just doesn't want to be wrong. Trump. Please tell me how much money he's got
2000 2014 Trump's network 2014. Thank you. Yeah, before you which president
Right, what was it? Why what if I'm right?
You're not got it you're not
So it's fine three. Tell me that's fine. He had like 11 million when he was eight years old
Son, that's not a billionaire
No, I'm just changing the topic why we keep moving here what?
1985 1989 a billionaire. No, I'm just changing the topic while we keep moving here. What? 1989, he was worth he was a billionaire already. Was he a buyer? My my my 8080 was a
billion. No, no, no, no, 90's. Drop the night. He dropped the night. He's lost a lot of money.
You keep going, keep going, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. 11. What is he?
Excessive seven billion. All right. I was wrong. I apologize. You were right But it says with 220 250 million and cash and very little. Thank you. So I guess the rest is yeah all property
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is not worth. Yeah, but he's not really worth that you can do it if he goes
He has to run. He's getting to he's getting 200 million and he's done
Well, you just
1.6 billion why don't we all take a hundred today? just speaking out of your ass is nothing even being said. How about the mega million right now?
1.6 billion.
Why don't we all take a hundred today?
100 bucks each.
O's three.
I got the 250 we say from the weaser bet.
That's true.
We get a hundred each.
Nickel bet.
Right.
And we put it in and we split it through three ways.
If we want it right now, 100 each.
So 300 bucks quick picks.
And we just kill me inside.
That's too many quick picks.
Really?
Yeah. A billion dollars. 1.6 billion billion I don't want to split it through this
what what is three ways well half a million let's say it's five hundred million
yeah yeah we're gonna get after taxes so five hundred million divided by three is what
hundred and seventy five isch million so you would mind you doubt bother mind it we
would suck compared to what what
I'm on a money you can't even just repeat you go what what what what what what what what
What you say nothing
His nose rings sparkled
What do you mean that get nothing holy shit? I don't know this I don't like all this nose ring business Um, well, I'm doofing me that. Get nothing. Holy shit.
I don't know, I don't like all this nose ring business.
I feel like you're attacking the new guy.
I am attacking the new guy.
He needs to understand what's going on here.
You get attacked a little bit
when you come into this environment.
How long has he been here?
Day.
This is the first day?
Yeah.
No.
And already doing so much better than Mike Suarez.
I have a little believable.
I literally have to pull it up every single thing.
He's immediately.
Literally amazing. I mean, but he pulled up stuff that I was gonna ask.
Dude, this is like stuff I was gonna ask was up. This is what we need.
Whites taken jobs back from Mexicans.
Make America great.
That's a fucking thing. You can get my vote this guy. I love him.
What about this? I want to know your opinion. What's that?
What do you got? After tax with the 1.6 mega millions you get
489.8 to 569.5 depending on what state you
are.
I was right in there.
I was right.
They take a billion away.
No.
Half a billion.
No.
No.
It's right.
It's from one point.
You take a billion away.
You take a billion away.
It's to under six.
Yes.
They take a billion.
They take a billion away.
They take a billion away.
They take a billion away. They take a billion away. They take a billion away. They take a billion away. You lose a billion. This is why you become a billionaire. After all the shares that I hate to do with you.
You know I'm gonna become a billionaire,
this is the fuck you have to.
Government becomes a fucking billionaire
off of your billionaire win.
It's infuriating.
Yeah, but the person who wins is gonna spend 20 bucks
and become a multi-million.
It doesn't matter the fact that they just come in
and they fake and say, no, it's ours now.
It's frustrating, but you're playing with knowing that.
I know, but it's crazy but you're playing with knowing that
i know but you're buying into that the problem is that we're so complacent and we
buy into that and we go like that's just okay
that's a problem
they take a billion
they take almost all of them all but it's like a lot of mushy mic actually text
and trump's net worth is largely based on his own claims of his properties
worth not independent appraisals
and he wrote and my officially fired. I say yes to the second part. You can come in and give me a
guest occasionally. That's not really a story. We have a superior mic. I'm sorry
Mike Suarez. You're a good man. So is Mike gone now? Is he taking over? He's gone.
He's out. What are you kidding? He's listening. Where you stop? I know he's
listening. That's why I'm saying it.
I wouldn't say it if he wasn't listening.
He stinks.
That's the easiest way to fire somebody
is when they can't look you in the eyes.
Yeah.
Just kidding, Mike.
I love you.
Why did a lot of people just go broke?
That is interesting.
Look, all of them.
Why?
You ever hear that saying?
All the rich people gave all their poor money
and a two years that have it back or something like that.
Five years, 10 years, two years, six months. Yeah, a that five years ten years two years six months or garbage yeah garbage paper garbage dog have you ever
like walked into the hood that's why they're easily manipulative a bowl so
like with with like global warming you can get them to just vote the way you
know it's the other way around yeah you don't want to eat poor people aren't
doing anything good with their money. They they give it away
They fucking take a lab or vacation
There's a reason they got they don't make a decision so they got to being poor
They had every opportunity to make the decisions that the very least not be garbage and poor if your poor it's your fault
Yeah, right? How could you
Very democratic I believe I'm being a very democratic. I believe that.
I'm joking.
I hope everybody has trust.
There is no joke.
But it is your fault.
There's an infinite amount of decisions in front of you where you don't have to be poor.
How are you poor?
If you got one point, if you got $400 million, how do you become more authentic?
You're not going to get themselves to be on welfare before that.
So they're not going to play the fuck with chips though.
But what is the, what is the, on a hundred million dollars, what's the annual interest
in the bank?
How much money do you make off of that?
That has to be, five percent is like, yeah, what is that?
So five percent of a hundred million is five million.
Five million dollars a year.
You're going to make just on, if you don't fuck with that money.
So you can take the three other $390 million,
take $390 million and fuck with it.
How much are you getting?
$400?
So take $290 million and just do whatever the fuck you want.
You're still gonna make $5 million a year off of that 100 million.
How do you become a little off of that?
I'm sorry, I'm wrong about the interest.
What is it?
I think no, I'm sorry.
The interest is 0% to 1% annually wrong about the interest. What is it? I think no, I'm sorry. The interest is 0 to 1% annually on deposits in bank.
So how much is it?
So you make a million on a hundred million every year.
That's it?
Yeah.
So what?
If you just let it sit in the bank.
What about the stock market?
But if you put it in mutual funds, that's what you talk.
That's what you talk.
That's what you talk.
That's what you talk.
Super safe.
Yeah, you get to 5%.
So if you put it in mutual fund, you're
going to make like three to five.
I would put it into bet. DSI dot com promo code YKWD100, right?
Yeah.
Would you give anybody money if you want to?
Oh, yeah.
Would you give money?
I would give Lewis money to stop doing his podcast.
I'm not okay.
How much would a case just stop doing your shows?
No more Porter Riker.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Yes. You can do the disguise. It's your baby. i guess it has to talk to my phone's on my part
i can't buy some legion's gags that's it why why would you give a
little escape you give them a hundred million dollars you can do anything
because it's fans have nothing else listen they have nothing
and they have the best part of legionist gang that's i agree that that is
the best part of legionistanks. So nobody thinks that. So,
I'm sorry, let's get to us.
So, how much would it cost?
How many million?
How many million dollars to stop everything?
Stop everything.
Everything.
Talking in the microphone.
You got a wallet.
You got to stand up as well.
No, you can do stand.
I'm going to be curious about it.
Yeah.
If Lewis was standing up in a club,
does it still bomb if no one can hear?
I don't know. I couldn't could it's not work i don't know
what it was
i was going for something
you just stop it if it was to stand up in a club
it must be late sunday night
it's either a thursday or sunday
uh... but i mean i mean i don't know for it being said with joking fact
these people but like the reason
they go poor, these people are not, the people that go poor don't know anything about finance,
a lot of them can't even read, they just don't buy it to get the money.
You hire a money management company.
I know, but they don't think you're the set of trust.
As soon as you get money, you get a money management company.
But they don't trust anybody or the system, they've been beaten down by the fucking life.
It's not about trusting anybody
It's about listen you have to put your money in mutual funds. You have to have a retirement plan
You have to have your money making more money and you just instead of having a bank
I have my retirement is all of the mutual fund. It's not in a bank. I understand that but I think you're coming from a place
You understand some other fights. I was not I don't nobody in my family
Yeah, that fucking shit nobody I was taught that shit. I'm not a purple yacht fucking mutual fun
Jesus I know the hood. Sorry you guys understand the hood like I do I don't think it's necessarily the hood
It's also the middle of the country and wherever it's a lower income people
I think typically are winning the lottery and
playing a lot of the lottery curse
this is a curse on the way you're thinking of sports illustrated no a lot
of the curse people of one the lottery
have been the way sucks like people have died the whole
just bad shit happens what does it say uh...
suicide depression
well what happens i think is that
you think you life is going
to change, but money doesn't actually change. If I went 400 500 million dollars, Don and
Marri, Max, you stay, but Don's getting the boot. She's gone. You get that 17 year old
Puerto Rican lady. But maybe I mean girl. I'm gonna get his girl. I'm gonna get a
change of birth to him. I'm taking a camp. We need $500 million. Yeah. Give have a campaign to change your birth to take a camp. I'm gonna need five hundred million dollars Yeah, give her a couple weekends. He's gonna bird dog you dog
How come you don't use a term bird dog anymore? I'd love to take him on the bruh that bother you if I took him on the row you go
Take her out of my house
Okay, making it furious. Just see me and her on fucking insta stories. Yeah, what a great show. Thanks for coming
That you have to you she just kissing me on the cheek.
And I'm like, what?
Ha, ha, ha.
I guess Bird Dog means something different than I thought.
Can you just look up the curse, please?
Don't just, don't look up what he says.
It's not a literal curse, but it's a curse.
Oh, there's a curse.
Yeah, this is the thing.
We're on our way to the curse man.
There's a curse man.
Climate change in science.
And then I find out that Bobby believes in cursors
That's a movie hookers.
Come on.
There's no go on this post.
Yeah, I can talk about this.
I believe that the person is in heaven.
There's a fucking lottery curse.
He's a fucking nerd.
Please, tell me about the lottery curse.
Please.
You're in the word curse Bobby.
What?
Look at.
I'm gonna do this to you mouth.
Bigger.
That is extremely hurtful. I'm trying do this to your mouth, bigger. Ha ha ha ha ha. That is extremely hurtful.
I'm trying to have a nice to pay.
Hey, I just made Zach laugh, that never happens.
Zach has been winking at me and giving me thumbs up
throughout the entire episode.
I told him to do that, I told him yourself a steam needs it.
He's been licking his lips at me the whole time
when you guys are looking either, it's fucked up.
Why is that fucked up?
Cause I want you guys to see it.
Oh, okay.
We'll take a photo then.
You fucking queen.
Just take a compliment.
Are you, uh, anyways, are you Green Beret?
Green Beret?
Yeah, why do you have a Green Beret?
Oh, it's a band.
Oh, okay.
Hey, you ever hear the band, White Reaper?
Have you guys heard this band?
You know them?
No, I don't think so.
They fucking kick ass.
Everyone should check out White Reaper.
Why? They're Reaper why they're great
They're great I'm gonna do their manager. No, no, but I want people to know about good art, you know
You fucking know bro. It's such a hippie. I'm not a hippie. You're a fucking hippie. I'm the opposite of the tree
The world's coming to an end. You're here about this new band. I bet they're not even rocking I bet there
I'm gonna be sound like it's a bet they're fun. I bet they're not metal, they sound like they're saying a lot of metal.
It's not a metal.
It's not a metal.
Yeah, I bet it is.
This is a white Reaper sound like it's gonna be awesome metal.
No, stop.
Just bring up white Reaper.
Please stop, stop, stop.
We're gonna break, we have the technology, barely.
No one said metal.
You see them, but you said they're rocking.
I guarantee they're not rocking.
Let's go, here we go.
We're talking about.
Band can.
You listen to fucking 80s hair metal. I love fucking Greno Van Fleet
I love Royal blood. They're the rip offs. Greno Van fleet is not a rip off. They're not a rip off.
The first one. The one on the white reaper. The other one.
I I think you should be able to pick any random song job. Any song. If they're rock song of this album. Go ahead
Play a song right there. Play the top one. They make you buy it. What do you mean? They let you play it a little bit right there?
Play it. What do you mean, they let you play it a little bit right there. Play it. Oh
That's a way so I'm a racist for you. You heard oasis play oasis
Play oasis I thought I heard it and you're actually talking about oasis. Let's talk talking about band ripoffs. No. Oasis. Okay, let's play the game.
I got a game.
I got a game.
I won a mega rock.
I need you to be a partial.
I got a game.
I won.
I got a game.
I want you to be impartial.
Yeah.
Play that.
Play Oasis.
Next play.
Let's listen.
Have any of you play?
I haven't had to told him to make it big or keep the volume off.
Not one thing I
Mike 2.0 tell me who's born a rip off. Yeah, that sounds very similar. Oh
I
Is not any oasis on there's a specific song in the fan sounds. Yeah, and that was oasis
Oh, that was a way. So this is a single
This also isn't the song but is it like you do a great job?
Don't turn on me. We're on the same side
What you're attacking him together I mean
This what you do you divide your own team up
We're on a team. We attacking Joe let's attack it.
I want Lewis to be the impartial jury.
Now tell me what sounds more like you do.
Yeah I'm a supernova supernova or play.
We're the man supernova in the sky.
Yeah play.
Someday you will find me company the landslide. Company the left side With a champagne supernova a champagne supernova
Bobby Fox goes white ripper um
White ripper, okay pull up Greta van flea if they're not the biggest led Zeppelin ripoff. It's fucking insane
I put a credit credit van flea. Tell me this isn't a bigger ripoff of let's look at the they are of oasis from here
You got to pull up videos pull up videos and then go to what song highway highway to now and shut the other one off though
this band
I'm a man
Change where were you while we were getting high?
Here we go.
Insane.
That's crazy.
It's crazy. It sounds like a cover band. You see the review for the
album that came out today that like slammed to them. Even Slash was like I wish they
didn't sound so much like let's upload. Yeah this thing's. And That show you are my man. It's not a kid.
I'm so afraid.
So fine.
Rubber's mad.
I'm not yet.
Listen, break it up.
Mama.
Mama.
Whoa.
Come on.
I could get some so, smooth music.
Yeah.
Oh!
I should have done it.
Yeah, this is so just like the top.
So, a glimmer-
Glimmer-
Just like his vocal is insane.
And he even has a line where he says,
the land of ice and snow.
We're like, dude.
Hey, man.
And he does those,
oh yeah, oh yeah. I read this is the, the glimmer- glimmer- Yeah, they're like dude, and he does those, oh yeah, oh yeah. All right, this is the Zeppelin.
Yeah, they're a little, they're a little,
a little bit, we can do.
It's every review of every album,
talks about how they're just doing Led Zeppelin.
Yeah, we can do it.
The white Reaper kicks ass.
Go scroll to the middle, let's get to the music, right?
I mean, we're all familiar with this, huh?
Oh!
Oh! Oh, I don't know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, get to the music right I mean we're all familiar with this
That sounds a lot
Yeah, very much let's get to some new business well we got a 7,000 fucking
Spanish people from Central America making their way to the border and they're gonna kick their door open and fucking
Guatemala Honduras El Salvador, they're not from Spanish
certainly none of them are from Spain
but there's Spanish people, Latino, Latino whatever
yeah you fucking that's why nobody likes the left
you guys aren't gonna explain this
but because we correct misinformation
it's not missing of this Spanish, we know what they are
they are Spanish
they're fucking
don't get me wrong
well I, who's do this, me?
as much as I hate Spanish people, I'm just saying, don't get me wrong. Well, I hate Spanish people.
I'm just saying, I don't know what's going on.
There's around 7,000 people coming from Central America.
And they're like, fuck you, we want asylum.
And they're coming to America.
And they're going to fucking walk right into the country.
And what happens is, and that's fine. You can do that.
And that's cool man. A lot of people do that. They come over and they seek asylum.
And that's cool. You know. Why can they do that? They're not supposed to do it but a lot of people
do do it. And when you if you do make it over the river and you say I'm seeking asylum, we have to
they have to give you what happens is they give you a bracelet,
they process you, give you an ankle band, you have 24 days to come back to go to court
to be processed to see if you can be coming American.
That's a music festival.
But 7,000 people they can't do, so what's going to happen is, they're going to shoot them.
Yeah, no, they're just going to moth them down as they approach the border.
They're just going to be here.
And what happens with that is that now that's the way to get into America.
Just get as many as you can and just come across.
But it's only three families.
That was talking. Yeah. Fucking losers.
It's, uh, he would want to say here, uh, the bed. That's the funniest thing he's ever said.
Lewis, we're not trying to get you to solve it. You're like, what am I gonna say? It's not on you.
We're just discussing a thing on a podcast.
I want you to say a joke.
What you're doing, you nailed it.
I'm making a point where I fucking care.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's hell funny.
Yeah.
And we don't want to know your thoughts.
I can't say it like it was a secretariat state.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I can't go to fucking Canada because I smoke weed.
Why can't he fucking immigrants come into this country?
I'm just walking.
What do you want me to say here?
I literally, I have an issue getting into Canada.
It's a whole fucking to do.
Yeah, because I got caught smoking weed in the street a few times.
So, you know, you're trying to enter Canada legally.
Shouldn't it be a process?
There is.
There's a process.
And the process can't handle 7,000
people doing it. That's why they're doing it. Some people, some people say that the left
is sponsoring this. Some people say that they're being in the money. Oh my god. Joe, you're
the last president is saying Joe, are you okay with that? Walking right into the country.
Immigration is extremely tricky. I mean, the president is saying that first of all. No,
he's saying it, but a lot of people are saying that first of all now he's saying it but a lot of people saying that not just him
who do i think jerry jones your opinion on this uh... immigration with the
left and it no i don't i mean i really don't i don't i am fucking four
science i'm four gay marriage i'm four trans rights
i've had i'm anti war
i believe in taxes i mean i'm i'm i'm for trans right i'm anti war but i
don't believe that you you what happened i i was talking to the uh... feature taxes, I mean, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a fuck you. But if they got caught, they would be sent back.
But keep in mind, I mean,
for 7,000 people going fuck your laws,
we're just coming in no matter what,
is that's an invasion.
For some sort of a federal foot.
First of all, immigration is by far the trickiest
of all the issues to me.
The other ones are, to me, seem a lot easier.
Should Gays be able to get married,
yes, penalty, I'm against, I can fly the against. You want gays to die if they get married?
But like immigration is very tricky. I don't understand it completely.
You can't have people just pouring in, but also we're supposed to be,
huddled masses, all that stuff. I don't understand. I don't know the answers to that.
But it is worth mentioning at least. It's not just 7 assholes who are like fucking what going on there they're in horrible
conditions you don't know who we but you don't know who they are I don't know
you don't know who's in that I just got you what they're not just decide
I'm just a little bit of on conditions in there in a fucking bad situation
you're gonna just bring that horrible situation to our country and it's
I mean it's it's tricky it's a complicated that you get yourself where you know I you know whatever it is I'm mean, it's tricky, it's a complicated. No, that's what you get yourself for, you know,
whatever it is, I'm not saying it's their fault,
they were kind of born into a shitty situation,
but they still only know how to deal with things
like fucking country's found.
Our whole country is found in our give-a-shapoor,
you all that shit, I mean, everybody,
come here and you can have a new life.
So it is tricky, but I don't think you should say,
fuck, we do have laws, and i don't think you should say fuck you'll we do
have laws
and i don't think uh... seven thousand people on fuck your laws were coming
no matter what you say is the way to go about it
yet i don't think that is what's
that's what's happening they're coming
they're coming to american no matter what you say
did that's what they're saying we're coming and they just ran through mexico
they were they literally ripped the fence down at the border.
Right.
That's against the law.
There's going to be some repercussions when they get here.
I'm pretty sure.
But you can't just go to a country and rip down there.
I understand that, of course.
I mean, what the fuck?
That's crazy.
No, I understand.
It's a fucking...
But a lot of people are like, yeah, that's fine.
Keep coming.
We'll take them all.
And 7,000 people is not a lot of people, by the way, I like this an ad for a Z
It's not the letting hundreds of thousands of people in other countries. It's a lot of this is he's a target of that
That's funny
Yeah, I don't know what the answer is I don't I don't pretend to and it's it's fucking complicated and it's crazy
You know the answer to a global warming, which you know, that's less complicated than immigration
It's a far less carcassism. i like it far less come very rarely used by
lose that was complicated the science of global warming is less
complicated on fucking immigration laws
i would say the issue of climate change yes is that yeah we should try to like
i don't go back to that let's stick to what what did you bring up there what
is this so this is the caravan that's that's slowly coming from Honduras. It's like 7,000 people. This is the dog
route that they're taking a dog. It's one Dodge caravan with seven.
Yeah. It's been in there. But they're very commercial for a fucking car company right now.
They said this is the this is where they're at right now. And this is where they're out
on Tuesday. They're going to rest here before they start heading north up to and where
are they? Where are they going? What border before they start heading north up to and where they go.
What border they go? What part of the border? American border. I don't think there is
like so there's no path that they're taking. We don't know where they're trying to come
in. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if they would just give up there.
Well, we have to know. I mean, they're just going to sneak in. It's a group of 7,000
people. Well, I think it's going to take time to get to Mexico. I mean, look at the
little baby, though. I mean, that's the thing it's like well i
don't let him in you don't know who that baby is very well i come on look at
that little cutie but to look at what he looks at uh... he looks like he's
missing it's got a dealt face but isn't there a way to process these
popular people
is there a way to put them somewhere and slowly processed them into the country
i think that's what they do i think a lot of this is in place and this does happen.
Just look at that adorable little girl
with that little chubby mom that's kind of cute too.
Mom is 12 years old.
But I think also, I mean, I don't know all the details,
but I think there's fucking horrific conditions
in Guatemala and Honduras.
Like a horrible dictator.
And as well, Guatemala, yeah, there always has been,
it's pretty pretty pretty pretty
uh... three-two sub-links and
i think whatever the thing is
to not dehumanize the people is important
how could you do that
how could you live at the internet cafe
they don't have central air
what the fuck
they're used like the wall the window units
they're fans
how can i have central air there's central
air america uh... we're gonna end on that one The window units. They're fans. How can they know that essential air there's central air America?
All right, we're gonna end on that one Yeah, we're done. It's an hour and a half
Well, you know, you know works. We go through the whole thing and we'll build the other
Yeah, I just want to leave. I'm lonely, Bobby. Well, we can smoke a cigar. Yes
I'm at the seller tonight. I'm headlining. I got to do this fucking comedy-seller show
That's what I'm doing. that's what I'm talking about.
On the TV show.
Yeah, you're doing the TV show.
Car events, so you got a bit about this?
I don't, I don't have, they gave me the topics,
I don't have fucking anything.
To send in this episode.
It's fucking hard.
You're a funny guy, you can go,
you fucking, you fucking, you fucking, you, you, you, you, you.
Well, I think that what they do is you just,
I don't wanna, I saw last time as people were just taking jokes
and they was like, oh, baseball.
So they were like, yeah, baseball is good, right?
And one time I was at a park and then I went to the mall after that and the mall sucked
and they just went into their mall joke from baseball.
They just said baseball.
That was the segue.
That's not bad.
You think so?
How about Sarah did a show?
Sarah did a show in Florida.
I think you'll throw Sarah Silverman.
No, am I talking about fucking Louis? How would you skip that? I don't understand. It's like your
friend of his. It's me? No. Sarah. And you it's dying out. And all of a sudden you this
is what you talk about on fucking Stern. Well, she was asked. And also I think she sort
of defended him. She was like,'s not defending anybody dude, you know
It's it's it's you're saying. Oh, yeah, he did it to me. I liked it. What?
Yeah, I don't know I think in a weird way like you know having a woman who's respected as sort of a you know a feminist
Voice in that world saying hey, you know what it wasn't that bad, you know
He's ready to come back. She said he's ready to come back to work
He should work. He should address it in his act, but she defended him, you know, I think it's good for a woman to be saying,
hey, it's not that big of a deal that he jerked on front of me. I think that he was in a position
of power with those other girls. He wasn't in a position of power over me. We were more or less
equals. So why why say it now? It's that it. Why I mean, what saying it now is just bringing it
all of it back up to light. He's still every time he goes out, he gets fucking a new blog.
He just want to be giggles.
Yes.
He just wanted giggles and the harrow, the globe was fine with it.
The Harold went and got whatever girl comics that hated them in Boston to fucking smash.
If you're a fucking, if you're a comic and you go on to a fucking newspaper,
that's your moment, but I'm going to smash another fucking comic.
Yeah.
And that's your thing. Fuck you. You stink. Period. Do you want to hear what they said? Yeah, I got it right here
I can leave like five minutes. Yeah, um, what started plus Lewis is gonna give you a quick guys
Lewis Shagomis presents Lewis shagomis.com. When is this?
Lewis Shagomis presents Lewis shagomis. The special will be filmed on December 9th here in New York City
That's the day like a Lenin was shot. Fuck yeah, that's why I did it.
Weezer Pink Triangle.
Yeah.
Weezer Pink Triangle.
That was it.
And yeah, why did somebody tweet that to you?
Zach texted to me.
Yeah.
So it was the next piece of shit.
I was trying to get me to lose $500.
Yeah, that's fucked up man.
No, he's trying to fucking gain $250.
So I'm going to be this weekend at Atlantic City. I'll be in Philadelphia.
Boston's coming up. What are you doing in Philly? I'm doing Philly Comedy Club. He's gonna
try. No, what what what club? Philly Comedy. I know what that is right over by the Chinese
place. That was just the music. I didn't do that music. We don't have that music. I'm just
saying I didn't do the music. The music's not that music. I'm just saying I didn't do the
Hong Kong music the music's not offensive. Yeah, I got a lot coming up Chicago's coming up my amy's coming up
Louis Shagomus presents Louis Shagomus.com for tickets all over the place guys come the fuck out and support
I'm telling you right now the specials gonna. Yeah, you did great at Tampa. Yeah great
I thought it was great. He is he did like 25 minutes in front of me half hour, and it was great.
He killed every show.
You're saying it to me like he's our slow son.
I know he's good.
He's a joke.
No, I was saying it.
You've been doing comedy 20 years.
You're like, he really did it.
I went up there.
He was shocked.
He got a walk.
He swung in his twice, but they threw a ball over his head,
and he got the first base.
He got picked up.
I can't believe that they just threw him on an audience.
Stephanie Peters told the track,
it would be one thing if he was scheduled,
and people knew they were going to see him,
but to have women in the audience
who could have been creeped out
and just throw him out there is appalling, appalling.
It was an abuse of power.
And just to just put him on without letting people know
that he was going to be there, she added.
That was a comic.
Same check.
Here's another girl.
I think abusive power powers used weird sometimes
yeah i think so that's an abusive power like i understand what you're saying
the the masterbiting
uh... learn verges and surprise it would be the boss in area as many of the
bookers know him from when he was
cutting his comedic teeth in our city
they're much more willing to give him a chance at boss and old uh... boss in his
old school it's a boys club.
Which is untrue, by the way.
Maybe back in the day it was.
I mean, look, people have the right to have their feelings,
but those female comics, I mean, they have to make a decision.
Don't go, don't go to the club then.
If you're uncomfortable,
so was that.
You can't, it must take, nobody committed a crime, nobody heard anybody. There's no real victims. I'm friends, you can't take, nobody committed a crime, nobody hurt anybody.
There's no real victims.
I'm sorry, I can't sit here
and pretend these are fucking real victims.
I've been victimized, I've been abused by my mother,
I've been abused by fucking family members.
I know friends who are legitimately victimized
in a lot of fucked up ways.
And I have a lot of friends who have been sexually abused,
I've been, I have a lot of friends
who have been legitimately fucking raped, legitimately hurt. And a lot of ways to call these sexually abused I've been have a lot of friends who have been legitimately fucking raped legitimately hurt and a lot of
ways to call these women big dumb legitimately you just say raped
legit rape you know most of them are Jesus Christ I'm kidding
um no but you so I didn't know you were sexually abused I wasn't really so I technically if you go by the standard of
what's if I was a little girl that would have been considered sexual abuse I didn't know but I had a feeling by the way you kind of carry yourself
Yeah, but it was like there was a friend's mother who got into bed with me
But that wasn't that wasn't even that didn't affect how many like ten hmm, what's yeah crazy?
She's crazy put her leg around me like breathe on my neck. Just really kind of like grind it or crotch on me
Oh my god, dude. That's that's crazy hot, right?
I Watch on me. Oh my God, dude. That's that's crazy hot right?
I I understand you saying but it's it is it listen it fucks you up sexually It doesn't give you a shot of being sexually normal and making right decisions and that's what happened to me
I had the same thing thrusted upon me as a little boy sex was a dick and I'm a but it was a couple of big titties too. And then you wonder why I'm fucked
and then cut to not being taught about sex ever.
Then we just have to figure it out.
Some lady wraps her legs around.
Your rubs are koo-chi on you at 10, that fucks you up.
Yeah.
Especially thinking you're a kid at 10.
You want some lady doing that?
Some friend of Kim's grabbing Jamesy and doing that some friend of kimbs the grabbing uh...
jamesy and doing that to him now
would you it's still be funny if it did happen that's the point i was making
earlier
yeah
uh... i would i would be alright would you be a right with that i would know
right i think it's the area but the the point of making is it's fucking
disrespectful to to pretend that these are some sort of crazy victims you like
come on what are we doing here?
We shouldn't be rewarding that type of behavior.
That's crazy.
And I'm not saying gluey wasn't a creep,
but that's what he was guilty of.
It's just being a little bit of creep.
And so am I, and so are you, and we're all creeps.
You all have our own sexual deviancies
and fucked up things that get us off.
And you know, whatever you want to have sex in public,
or you need a finger in your butt or whatever it is.
It's just a different level of your.
I really do, I know you do.
I know you do. Thank God. But should somebody, now somebody now hold on you got a kid you got a wife should
Should all of your fucking
Sexual deviants to these be laid out there because some chicks feel if I became you were in abuse it abuse of
I became too if I became too popular and too powerful. Yeah, that would happen. I'd be a target
if I was if I If I became too popular and too powerful, yeah, that would happen. I'd be a target. If I, thank God none of us have to worry about that.
But, I mean, it is.
He also sort of made into a liberal and feminist icon and hero and, you know, they, that's
a big part of it as well.
What they took their own out.
Yeah, I think that, because he's held to that standard, so the hypocrisy of it know, gets sort of put on display. I just don't like the fact that, you know,
you let Mike Tyson back and that you won't let. Mike Tyson will legitimately rape the chick
beater, violent fucking criminal. This is gonna fucking one man show and Vegas. Crazy.
Broadway show. Fucking crazy. It's never brought up. It's crazy. Boo. This is black.
It's difficult. There's actually people in the club. But there's, but does that,
President Clinton, there's women that say,
he raped me and you'll never hear it from them.
Ever.
Ever.
Ever.
It's like, okay.
I don't get it.
But anyways, alright, Louis, I'll see you later.
Thanks coming on.
Bye, Louis.
Joe, what do you got?
I was gonna make a small mouth joke.
I was giving everyone a herpes in.
Nobody wanted it
spend on before i guess his is loose and magician
i don't think so he just said i had to go to the one to the bathroom he does
do uh... magical things he's got some he's pretty good magician loses a
talented guy believe it or not
most people not but uh... uh... uh...
what do i got uh... committee and joe list dot com i got st louis coming up in uh... few weeks
november fifteen sixteen seventeen
uh...
if you're listening to this
right now
monday comes out next monday right tomorrow is the live two days with stories at
the hollywood improv featuring bird christian nick vaderat
uh... and uh... henry phillips and uh...
maybe some other guest who knows
uh... but yeah you go to uh... at joe list comedy and uh... yeah guest who knows. But yeah, you can go to At Joly's comedy
and yeah, that's all.
I love you, thanks for being here.
All right, love you too, buddy.
I got, we're talking to the audience.
You don't love me.
I love you the most.
I got robberkilllive.com.
I am at Governor's this weekend long Island.
If you listen and live, come on out.
I'm at McGuire's and the brokerage.
You don't have my website at you fucking failed
Literally the guy you had Lewis's up and Joe's up, but not me
I already preloaded for me when I got in here. Oh who didn't preload that you didn't switch you think I was not gonna
Give my dates. I figure you just such professionally got him off the top of your head or no I don't I'm a fucking old man
I don't know where I am fucking next week
Robert Kelly live calm. I'll see you later. Little you flies down. Robert. I'm kidding. Robert Kelly live comm
I'm gonna be I'm all over the fucking place. I want to thank all the fans from Tampa that came out
I mean the shows were sick and
West Palm was fun to all you YK wd listeners that came out fantastic thanks so much
uh... i'm gonna be uh... like governor's this week in the brokerage and
requires on uh... saturday
and then salvators and loritz and i'm doing comments come home
uh... the the line up that is just ridiculous and i'm going to many
apolis uh... act meet comedy club and very excited about that
one of the best clubs in the country for sure sure. Uncle Vinny's after that in November,
and then the comedy on Carlson on Backup, see you.
Fact-back pussycat this Wednesday, Joe,
you wanna do a spot?
Yeah, I think I'm doing a spot, right?
Yeah, this one, you wanna do one?
You wanna do one?
All right, so Lewis and Joe will be there tomorrow night
at 830 at the Fact-Backup,
just go robbercallylive.com, Patreon people.
Go to patreon.com, such robbercally. the new people that joined this week. Thank you for joining
I hope you like all the stuff up there
We're gonna new life in the shed coming up with rich boss
We also have one coming up with Gabby's dad David Bryant from Bon Jovi
Which two amazing episodes over the next two months and I have a Mike Kaltop podcast going up there very soon for one-on-one
So go to patreon.com.sets.roberk.
That's how you support me so we can do more content up there for you.
You get the live podcast, this one before anybody else in all the one on one's
and all the other special content.
So go there right now.
patreon.com.sets.roberk.
Kelly, that's it.
What do you get?
Becky, thanks so much.
What do you got?
My Instagram's at human places,, the EZ-3.
Thanks for helping out again.
Yeah.
Well, Gabby's gone.
I really appreciate it.
Such a better team.
I mean, Becky and Mike all the way, 2020.
Mike 2.0?
Mike's panicking right now.
He's in fucking white Mike.
I want white Mike.
White Mike, but other Mike is getting,
other Mike is getting a divorce in San
Antonio. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, so I wouldn't have been making fun. Now I feel terrible. It's
good though. So I'm glad you have that much time. That's actually pretty good. For what?
It's nice. Anyways, Mike, what do you got? You can follow me on social media. I'm at Micah Brucie on everything and I
You're a comic too right? I'm a comic. Yeah, I got a I don't like a bro. Yeah. Are you funny? Yeah, yeah
I just I hope so do you want a host tomorrow night? Yeah, host tomorrow night. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You're hosting. Yeah, unluis
I live with Diego Oh
Diego who trained him for his fight
So what do you have to say to him now?
trained him for his fight. So what do you have to say to him now? I mean you guys are the best fans of Zack what do you got?
Zack then you guys are the best fan you know what we'll see you next week. www.podcast.com Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs
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