Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Wooden Spoon

Episode Date: July 9, 2018

Rich Vos Paul Virzi and the return of the beloved Gary Gulman on this Independence Day YKWD! Bobby’s thumb, Mush’s face, Rich’s hat, what’s a semicolon for? This episode is packed! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the Planet Earth. This is gonna be a clash to fuck. It's podcast, no rules. I'm gonna the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic? Oh, what the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch? What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin.

That's how it all holds the odds you love apart. I don't want to do anything. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect some of these lines. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast, I feel good. I feel refreshed. I feel fucking positive. Glad to be back at nine o'clock show.

You know, when we roll into these nine o'clock shows, we usually have my guest on that there is here tonight because he can only do nine o'clock. Because he's got what they call a family. He's got a life. And sometimes he's got a way to eight o'clock to get away. And he can make it, and he's here tonight. Mr. Paul Versey PVs in the house.

Bobby, what's up, buddy? What's up, dude? So we got, yeah, we got a lot of talk about tonight. Of course we got Gab. Hey. What's up? We got Moshe Mike. What's up?

We got the fucking mother fuck over there. Zach, the new guy. Good. Exactly the way I like him. He says fucking two words of show as I'm saying. Don't distract my guest. Just take a fucking shot. No other guest. This is just, I guess.

Well, we might have some guests stop it up. You're gonna text them in a little bit. Tell them to come in. There we go. I just spoke jazz. Tell them to text them on the other, tell them, check some more. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, just they do so much. They do merch. They do tickets. They show you a new podcast that people that you love shows they've been on. You didn't even know they were on. It's all the podcast that you'll ever want in one app. It's laughable.com. And they're coming out with an Android app very soon. If you want to be

part of it, if you have, if you're a gazillionaire and you've got a few thousand, you want to toss their way to help be at the ground level, you can do that too because they're coming out with an Android app and they're looking for people to join the company and join, be part of it. And at the ground level, right now, before it becomes the next Twitter, before it becomes the next Instagram or iTunes or all these other crazy things.

This app right now, I'm telling you, is the greatest podcasting app you will ever ever have. Get it, laughable.com right now. Seller Vegas, we got Michael Che coming on the 11th. Make sure you get your tickets. Michael Che, Wednesday night on the 11th, he is doing two shows only. It's gonna be unbelievable. Go to combysello.com and get your tickets now.

And also, I want to, there it is right there. Michael Chey and Siphah Sound. I love both of those guys, two solid guys. And they got Chris Sneakis. Yeah, they do. They got a solid sneaker game. They do, they actually do like myself and you Well, let's look at crazy. Well fucking talking about these fucking kicks are insane. I mean, dude these shoes I'm wearing you're nuts

Put up there look at that fucking a dog. Yeah, I mean as an a dog. Yeah, the bottom of that Look at that soul looks like you just cleaning a pizza real with a fucking bottom of that. Look at that soul. Looks like you were just cleaning a pizza real. Look at the fucking bottom of that. Look at the talking about. That's dirty, that's crisp. Look at that. One little crease on the side. From my weight right there. What the heck I creased as the side.

Most guys crease here. I'm so fucking tubby. I crease the side of my shoe. I'm really. I'm really. You know, you're the hardest to crease this ship. You know, I'm just, it was fucking pressure. Anyways.

Don't forget to use the code. CCSelisville, when you go to the comedy, just tell our website. That's right. And we're gonna try to fix Mike's sinuses too, but then it's somewhere. What the fuck, Mike? That's bad today, man.

What? I mean, am I? It died cold, you did? I mean, yeah, listen to this fucking shit. It's the timing of that. Bugs butt character. We're good. We're good at killing. Type in the code.

Type in the code, sinuses 123. Um. Oh. And please go, if you're a member of my, Type in the code sinuses one two three um Oh And please go if you're a member of my if you remember this lips and subscribe But please unsubscribe and go over to patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly right now Go over there become a member over there. You get so much more next Monday We are shooting two more episodes of live From the Shed for Patreon members only. We got, I believe we got Noam, the owner of the Communist Seller and Elaine Hendrix,

the famous actress, beautiful actress, animal activist. She is going to be on my life in the shed, so you'll get one of those episodes. Right now you have Colin Quinn, Ron Bennington, Matt Sarah, and Keith Robinson. Wow. This month coming up, we have Ross Meierson, one of the biggest casting directors, not agent, because I call them an agent and he goes, we're not agents.

We hate when you say that. It's casting director. I'm like, well, what are you directing? They go with directing the scenes in the room to get you the part. A lot of inside information with this guy. So if you're in the business, you're going to find it. Even if you're not in the business, it's a very interesting slant on stuff that I didn't even know. And he's a great guy, too.

That's coming out this month. We're going to talk about my thumb in a second. It's robbing. So go there and check that. We got one on one. I got a bunch of one on ones with Verzy up there. It's all forking robbing. So go there and check that. We got one on one. I got a bunch of one on ones with Virzy up there. It's all for Patreon members only. So if you subscribe here, unsubscribe to Lipson.

Get off it, go over to patreon.com. So that's Robert Kelly, live.com, and support me over there. Go do it now. It's the price of a cup of coffee and loser. Take one cup of coffee and don't have it. I'm saving your life. Well, one donut, two donuts, three donuts three donuts stop eating three donuts. Give it to me

Yeah, check it out. We got dumb sausage winner from last week You'll be getting your sausage. What's his name again? This is what we're doing there. You know the salt I Very see the perfect guy. I mean the the dumb steak tips. Oh, yeah, I mean those were just so we're dumb I hooked up with them. Dominic we're giving away a pound a one pound bag of State tips to fans of the show when now You got it they send it in letters are going nuts. There's a ton of people sending it. Oh my god So we're gonna pick what you're gonna pick the next winner right now. Oh, that's fucking great right now

You're gonna pick the next pick how am I gonna pick there's a fucking sailors hat. You get a stick in all right Nicholas mod one last week Nicholas Nicholas mod Well, whatever this is getting now now listen's getting a treat. Yeah, you're gonna be getting it very soon Nicholas So don't worry about it. Just not coming on the fourth. I don't think one of those though. What don't do one of those contests What do you mean? You know where they went it and then they get it a month and a half later It's just not coming on the fourth. I don't think one of those though. What? Don't do one of those contests. What do you mean? You know, when they win it and then they get it

a month and a half later, they're already resent you. You know, those fucking, they're coming Nick. You know, we fucked up a little bit. The time I said them, he said diabetic, you can't have them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She got the heart of that. So what was the best marinade was from the ones they offer?

Well, I listen, I love the original. If you're gonna fuck with anything, I, you know, anytime you get something that made something popular, you get that one. If you haven't had them. And then move on to turkey tips. Get the cheese and garlic sausages. Oh my God, how good was those?

Well, I mean, I couldn't really, I chewed up and spit it out. I can't believe it. Yeah, I know. It was actually one of the worst times to ever be at your house and the best time. I got a bet. I got a box at my house. I mean, you had a fucking...

Next time, I'm saving them. Ben and Jerry's guy with fucking gummy bears. You know, it was crazy. It was unbelievable. I know, and you couldn't. People just told me to go home and they were right. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, what are you there for?

Yeah, but I'm excited for this. But your wife enjoyed it? Yeah, she did. She had a good time. She did, she had a lot of fun, she had a good time. She had a lot of fun, she had a good time. So Dom's take tips, you know, I asked him to extend this for another week and he said, She had a good time. She did. She had a lot of food, right? She had fun, she had food. Yeah, yeah. So Dom's steak tips.

You know, I asked him to extend this for another week and he said, yeah, so you want, here's a deal. If you have a barbecue and you live in New York City, you live anywhere in this area, just go and they deliver to you. They will deliver to you, right? Right? That is correct. If you live in Boston, you don't know about this.

You're a moron. It blew my mind. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not even trying to be funny. I never, when I ate it, I couldn't fucking believe. I'm not even trying to be funny. I couldn't fucking believe what I was eating. No, I couldn't believe what I was eating.

When I bit it, I was like, it's everything that he said. It was fucking wild. You're just being funny too. No, I'm not even, I'm not even, when I bit, I'm like, you know, because I go to his house and he's like, you know, he's having a people over for a vox and match. And he had these steak tips and he's like, wait, you don't know.

And you know, anytime somebody does that, you think, oh, they're excited to have friends here. Yeah. But I was. Yeah, but you know, they're excited to have friends here, you know, in my little, you know, embellish a little bit exaggerate, you smell the meal.

I was gonna be gray, we're gonna smell this. But when I bid it, I couldn't fucking believe that it was, I haven't had that before. Yeah, you know. You look, you literally turned to me, well, what the fuck is this? Well, you got into a fight with me because I said, dude, the last time I had something like this,

and you go, never! It's funny, never did. It's funny, never did. But I honestly know this, so this shit is, I'm excited for this guy. So, Dom'sage.com right now Dom's Fucking beautiful lead up and just killed the anti-climactic. Who was it? It was it's actually burr. Yeah, but

He's probably I was driving down. He might have been returning mine. All right But yeah, the last thing I want to do. Hey, you like Dom stay and then fucking yeah, you know He'll be like you know what you fucking Get off me We get it you're Italian eat better Should have chicken fat, so Bobby have some chicken maybe a salad enough with the meat sponsors. Why don't you get sponsored by water? You get to give it to Sonny plug. Yeah, how about a vitamin plug? You fucking did it man.

All right, so we're going to really am a fuck. So who's going to win this? I know we're going to do it right now. We're going to do it right now. This is exciting. Is this kind of exciting? They're going to get a pound. A pound bag of steak tips.

I'm going to move it around a little bit. Moving around. Here we go. Can we have a drum roll please Michael? I'm gonna go to the bottom. Okay, here it is. Ready? Yes. Guys got a manly first name.

Ooh. Clint. Buyers. Whoa! Whoa! Clint Buyers. That's a fucking manly. Clint Buyers is like,

Clint Buyers actually, let me tell you something, Clint is a big buyer. It's actually a fucking. Let me tell you, Sam Clint is a slam in Patreon member. Great guy. He's always in the community on my Patreon. So I'm glad he won. That's great. That is awesome. So there you go. You win the next bag. I'm gonna see if we can do it for one more week.

I'm talking. You're gonna get it in September. I'm gonna tell you the time. September's a good time. Labor day. It's good time. Labor day. It's cool down, Labor day. Should we? It's like this Patreon channel.

Come on. It's a Dom's Sosages. Dom's Sosages. Dotcom, if you want to box it. Just get them, if you didn't win, just get it. Thank you guys for being a member of the Patreon. Thanks for supporting Dom's Sosages. All right, listen.

Yeah, there we go. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Let's get all the shit out of the way. We do All right, listen, yeah, there we go. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Let's get all the shit out of the way. We do this right up front, right? Okay, check it out. If you're hiring, it used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, confusing, resume, process,

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That Zippercuda.com slash what dude? W-H-A-T-D-U-D-E. Zippercuda.com slash what dude? Go right now and get yourself a free Membership right now zippercrutter the smartest way to hire. Oh my god look who stopped in I can't stay long Look at this one you get your wife told you as you can't stay. No, I got other shows. What show? What you got no other shows Uh, what? You got no other show? Yeah, I do.

Where? For what you want to bet me? No, no you fucking addict. What the fuck, you got enough money? Why are you gonna make another extra 50 on a Tuesday? Oh, I'm not making money, it's free. Well, you're doing free shows. I'm judging Rosemary tonight.

What time? 10, 10, 15. 10, 30. I gotta eat first. I know you don't. I gotta find out. I don't even know where I'm going. Where's that?

Where's your wife? She just wants to do a show. How come she doesn't want to come up? Because she's doing the show downtown. Where? Slipper room. You're lying. She's doing it for those two girls.

She can't make that up that fast. Yeah, you would never stick up for me Is this Christy He's got a dollar Listen I know you can only escaping commercial. Why? That doesn't even make sense Never see those trucks with the green thumb the big White Not the thumb is not small. It's just green Why it's just green, but it's big. It's a big, big thumb. Like you have a big thumb. Unlike you, little thumb.

I don't have a big thumb. No, you don't. You have little nubby thumbs. I got nubby thumbs. I had the barbecue yesterday. That you didn't, I couldn't come. I mean, first of all, we had fucking, I had to work. This was an asshole, Vossus.

I invited him to the barbecue. An hour before. Shut up. No, I didn't. You did, you invited me a week before, when I reminded you. You say you're having a barbecue, I go last night. I invited him a week before, I re-invited him again

to stay before, and then he goes, he texts me the two in the afternoon, a four o'clock in the afternoon, while the barbecue's going on, what time tomorrow? You fucking scheming, shitting. That's just verzy, verse, that's scheming, right? That's scheming. That's going, that's Bonnie going, I'm not going over there. No, I wasn't, Bonnie, first of all, Bonnie doesn't like coming to my house. Let's just crave. She doesn't like coming. And I understand, she's got a nice house,

they got a pool, they got tennis courts, she's got a kid she's a mom a dog puppy see I'm right I'm right cuz he's not doing it like coming cuz she likes hanging out but the last time she was sick as fuck when I came to your kids party okay look I have a wife and kid too I know we got you guys a present where's the thank you note you know it's not a baby shower you fucking lose a birthday party. Yeah, and we told you not to buy anything I know I didn't get a much shirt. I threw him cash, too. Did you really? Twenty bucks in the car. First of all Card out now. Now Yeah, we got it. We got a I got him too like little teacher. He wears them. Dude. I'm not even kiddin' Vossy

I'll show you the picture. He wouldn't take it off for two days. Oh, really? The great polo? Yeah, I wouldn't. The gray polo, right? Wow. Gray polo? I don't think so.

Yeah, maybe. Gray polo, he wouldn't take it off for two days. Number one, though. Here's the thing with my brush. There's no air conditioning in here. There is. It's just, it's blow it over that way. What do we got to get to know it?

Jesus, you're sucking up all the air. Go ahead. Blow it. Blow it. I have no thumb. Just push it that way what do we got to get a no one Jesus you're sucking up all the air go ahead blow it blow it up just push it that way because these guys he's got one face up on the face the other uh I tell you again guest tonight listen stupid I got Virgis the one of my favorite guests I know I like being with him he gets comedy oh thank rich he was being fucking sarcastic crazy. I thought it was genuine. The way I took it was out of night. I said the same thing. I came in here. I was there was nobody else here. Did somebody cancel out or did some we had what's his name? Andrew Schultz fucked up. He he double books. So we had to do it next week. He wanted to do it. And actually

couldn't do it. So I just said fucking me and Ver Versi. And then Voss said, he might stop by. So I'm like, that's fine. Not long. I get it. First of all, Voss, I told you not to give a present to Max. You know, I got to those 10, all those presents. You can't come to a birthday party. I'm not giving a present. I'm not giving a fucking present.

I can't even win a kid. Even when somebody says don't and then everybody's got all these kids. Okay. Let me ask you question though, I come to you house, I bring a present you told me not to I still bring one right yeah And then do you want to fucking thank you note? I just I just make you know it wasn't know he wasn't know he wasn't Maybe only person the only person that went to the party that brought a gift that called me up and said I said anything Hey, what about my present?

What what what what do you mean? What about my person you say? We do you got him a present I gave him money. Some cash, strict cash, strict cash. I don't fuck around. This wasn't counterfeit. This was real. Yeah, that's true too. He gave me a counterfeit. He paid me, he paid me, yeah. No, Rosie.

What the fuck? No. And he lied to me about it. He lied to me about it twice. How did you find a counterfeit? Someone gave it to me. It's, well, you know what? Pay, pay a phone. What? Did you use it?

How'd you find it? I almost gave it to Dawns like any money. I got to go take Max to the carnival. I go, he had just take this two bills that he pay me with, right? First of all, he goes like this. I do a show for him. He goes like this.

Do you want 250 oh the fuck oh my god I'm like pay me what pay me whatever you want then he shows up he goes I'm gonna give you 200 it's like you're not giving me shit what the fuck so it gives me the total I just take it I don't even can't put it in my pocket right so then he's sitting at the table it calls me up tool that I just take it. I don't even count put it in my pocket, right? So then he's sitting at the table, it calls me up at 2.33 o'clock the next day. I don't use that money. I'm like, why?

Is it count of 520 in there? I didn't know it was there. I forgot to take it out. I messed up. I was like, all right, whatever. So I find out that, I tell everybody at the table to story that they're like he didn't he knew about it He talked about it here, so should I give it to him and he fucking gave it to you?

You My wife go to fucking jail come on how funny with that opinion If dar was be call me. I'm in jail. One of those 20s was Canifit. Oh, Max is crying. Sometimes you have to sacrifice for the joke. You know what I'm saying?

No, I do. Yes, sacrifice your friendship. What happened to your thumb? So we're having the barbecue yesterday. And I was pretty hot. Yeah, it was 10. Yeah, it was 10 people. It was too hot. It was too hot for my live play golf. It was. It was way too hot. It was, but we had, we had a nice little group there.

Really. What are you doing? I'm going 10 people. Wow. Well, I only invited, I only invited I only invited 17 people. Who were they? Joe Liz? Well, Joe, no, Joe Dan, and Big J and Christine, couldn't make it because they had to do the bonfire where you guys. So I couldn't make it where they did the bonfire. I walked into the fucking bonfire. How many excuses are you given?

Here, they gave me another excuse. No, I said, I had a gig. I did bonfire. That's not what you said. What do you think I said? Yesterday, you said, what time is it tomorrow? I was joking. I was talking to somebody.

Oh, you know what? Yes, I was. I did it right under your text where you said what time is it tomorrow? I was joking. I was No, you know, you know, I was I was I did it right under your text where you said Right, you know what time it is you said I was I was doing it at I should have had a barbecue Fucking today just to fuck you as I was at two o'clock tomorrow So you'd come are you having one tomorrow now? Okay? No, I'm not. Oh yeah. I still got the contract as a dancer. What do you call it?

What? What happened, I think, but I'm not going. We have a hotel, the 7th thing. Big J at Wayne's place. Oh yeah. Then they go on the roof and watch the body. I'm not a big fan of fireworks. What?

I'm fireworks. I've seen, you know what I mean? Even my kid doesn't like them. I love fireworks. I cry at fireworks. Really? What do you mean, what? You cry at doesn't like them. I love fireworks. I cry at fireworks Really what do you mean less you cry? I'm all but an up to you relax Wait a bad guy. I can understand a fucking movie, you know But you look up and you see the thing you start we you start crying First of all, I don't start crying I cry eventually

It's not like I immediately cry I don't see firework But by the you know, you know, you know, the tear comes out because you're thinking of your what do you think of the country and the and the veteran thinking about the country I'm thinking about hopes and dreams and but with the music not just the fireworks not just boom boom boom I'm diamond No, no, no, no, no, no, no, We do music damn music. Yeah, they have the pops the Boston pops on the river. We're a little more classier people My friends father used to be the doctor John Williams. Who was John Williams? I know who he is stop saying it like I don't know Fucking Star Wars Sin Liz list. He's won five Oscars. Okay. I'm friends with his daughter. Yeah, you friends with his daughter not him

I know them. Yeah, but she could be a heroin addict. She could be a loser. No, she's not a heroin addict What is she a therapist? Oh really? I hate him. Can you pick it bring other picture owl real quick of who the owl Okay, and so I go into fucking bj's part Yeah, radio show you Does this have anything to do with the thumb? Yeah, look at Mike's face. Oh Radio show you. Does this have anything to do with the thumb? Yeah, look at Mike's face.

Oh. Oh. Look straight. No. Look straight at him. That owl's not getting fucked up that rose battle. Look straight at him. Look straight at him.

Look straight at him. He's in an owl that was stung by a hornet. Mike, Mike, has an owl. You were there? You were there for that? What for? Yeah, it was close. that was stung by a hornet. Mike, Mike, as I'll hold you there. You were there for that? What for? Yeah, it was close. It was very close.

One guy in a marathon. We talking about suicide, it was close. We both had a column that I'd give him a fucking pep talk. Holy shit. He walked home. I walked home. I walked home. We're at the stand.

We're looking for Mike Gabby's like, where's Gabby's on top of the world? Cause she murdered me with Mike. I call them. I walked. Every step was a new reevaluate. Just slash my toe. Did you sleep like when you were late and bed at sleep? When you were late at bed, were you going over?

Maybe I should have said this or done this. Like I do that all the time. Like, I should have worked on it harder. I just didn't. You didn't work on it hard enough? No. I was still trying to write jokes before the things started. Well, you're always writing jokes before a roast, but you know, maybe you're something

that, you know, it was because you're just nice and you didn't want to go hard. No, he's a bad bad person. I'm not good at roast battle. Oh, okay. Yeah, he didn't write drugs. He's not as different. Yeah, a lot of people aren't good at roast battle. Does it make you a bad person?

Yeah, roast battle is tempo. But that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that, but that but that but that but that blah blah blah blah blah blah He was just like yeah, you father's rich you can't Hey, come on that's not what I did Stop it stop it why what have I brought it up? I shouldn't Hey, come on, that's not what I did. Oh shit, it's happening again. It's done. My soul, stop it. Stop it. Why would I, I brought it up, I shouldn't have done this.

No, because that's what you do every fucking time. You're walking around. You're fucking shaking up, boss. That's what I do, I'm a shaker. You're not a mover. Ha ha ha ha. Anyways, this, I sliced my thumb open. I had to go to the emergency room yesterday.

No way. I literally wiped five minutes before the party. I had to go to the emergency room, yes. Turn away. Literally ripe five minutes before the party. I'm sick. I'm sick. They didn't stitch it. They wanted it. They glued it. They use super glue.

So the why? It doesn't leave a scar. It was deep. They should have stitched it, but I went to the, uh, with the origin camera. Where'd you go? I went to the origin camera. Check cashing and fucking...

What did you slice at cutting? I was, I was, I was, I think, I wish it was a throat, but no, I don't. That's really, that's annoying. I was, I can't lie, because she knows, I was gonna lie, but I can't, I was making a wooden spoon. What the fuck?

What the fuck, what? What, why? You go to a double every day is with fucking homemade knives. I wasn't gonna say what he wanted. What the fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck museum that's what that's for your birthday that's what going for your birthday let's pick them up and take them to the fucking industrial revolution day and then next week dude you know what get a wheel get a wheel and barrel I'm making my own fucking what up the Bobby's Annie try to make his own cotton gin I mean you did that to yourself I Made the Was in a bad joke he just have confidence

Thing on the show. I just whip it up for us. You ain't with too much confidence. That's it. Yeah, take is gonna make a cotton gin. If you went, ooh. You gotta stop, dude. Listen, we gotta stop. Why would you make a spoon? That was not a fact.

Out of what? Do you have a lace at spoon? That was not a fact of it. Out of what? Do you have a lathe at home? A lathe? It's a lathe. Oh, god, it's a lathe. No, it's not whatever. A lathe.

What is the sad thing? I don't know what either of them are. Do you have a table saw? I do have a table saw. Listen. No, you don't. I do. Where do you have a table?

It's in my shed, my other shed. My work shed. How many shed do you have? I have a big one and I have the work shed attached to the house. Has my miter saw in there, my table saw. Where does it come from though? What is all this? What we're trying to do? A table saw. Yes. Why? I don't want to know. 30 bucks. They're not that much much. You got a little one. You can't a table saw. Yeah. It's a

fucking table saw. You have a miter little one you can't a table saw. Yeah, it's a fucking table saw You have a miter box. I have a miter saw You have a miter box You know that miter box is yes, I do but you know molding yeah, I know you know you know I know it is yes. I have that you have a level I have all five levels Yeah, okay, I have a toolbox I have a tool box. I have a tool box. I have a house.

I have a house. I have a house. I have a house. I have a house. I have a house. I have a house. I built all the shit in my backyard. Did you?

Yes. Did you build that fucking zip cord? Yes. That's good. You built that? Yeah, I put that up. I built the stand. I put the fence around my yard up.

He did. He built the pirate ship. Yeah, the pirate ship. It's awesome. So let's see the, I don Yeah, the pirate ship. It's awesome. Yeah. I don't remember the pirate ship. That's up in the back. You built it? Yes.

But when you get instructions, no. I drew it on a piece of paper and that felt it. You got it, I don't fucking, but you had to measure, like, yeah, you measured it. Yeah, you had to measure it. You went online and said,

how do you build a pirate ship? Did not. Did not, not one second. That was just all. There's no, you can't just go online. How do you build a pirate ship? Yeah not. Did not not one second. That was just all. There's no you can't just go online. How do you build a pirate ship? There you go. No, but you could Google like make

pirate ship out of tree and back yard and they'll show you something. Yes. Go ahead do that. Listen, that's not what I did. I did go I did Google wouldn't pirate ship, but they're all big. So that I just kind of took it.

I mean, I'll just take the front of it and put it on and then I made it me my friend Joe put it out What is you do? What? Internet's going slow. Oh, okay. I mean it blame Mike. Why is it's not happening? Yeah, see okay see the see that one right there the first one Yeah, see okay see the see that one right there the first one Yeah, oh, no Anyways, yeah, I want to why we waste that time Look at all our kids and stuff though. Yeah, it's just I mean look at it's pretty basic you can figure it out

Yeah, that's not an asshole. I could never figure that yeah, you could I could I used to do carpenter No, you didn't I did I was good. I used to frame houses. Well with me you framed houses I know how else you put it I framed house I was gonna have you should frame houses. Well, with me you framed houses. I know, how else should you put it? I framed house, I was just finding it. Did you not have any tools left over? No, I sold them probably for drugs. So anyways, I was making a wooden spoon. I was trying to make, it's a bush crafting thing. And I was trying, what?

Why, why, why, he taking breaths? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, If somebody you cut yourself a violent sparkler It's like this is fucking thumb off and nothing but fucking coming to America goes up in a penny rocket Fucking put a Roman candle next to him and he fucking falls apart Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!

Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!

Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! He's got a mad-a-black jacks. Alright, so... Now, when you hear the song, Kerry Bond by John Kuger, does that send a little tail to you?

I saw it up. I saw it cut my finger. I had to go to the urgent care. Why didn't you go to the real hospital? I would have took too long, and people coming over. You got insurance, urgent care takes insurance, right? Yes. So then they came in, they cleaned it out, put a tourniquet on it, stopped the bleeding.

It was there really good though. Urgent cares, it was clean as shit. So your guest came to the house where you're not there? I came back, there was around four of them there. And at urgent care, do you have a gold tooth put into? They don't all work. Yeah, they don't. That's why we have this. Put that in your fucking mic stand, yeah. I have. Um, you try to build a cotton gin. Hey, did you hear that other guy that they don't listen to? Hey, did you hear that other guy that they don't listen to?

To fucks rowing you man, you wonder why people don't like you Ah, oh you guys not fucking knock it out for the sneakers. I got fucking hot ones Just got these fucking fucking a dogs What the fuck are those? Look at those lasers these lasers right here. Those are thin tight They're called thin tights. Yeah, no Look at that fucker. I call that the dog here. Yeah Those pay less

Those what are the deas a dogs the a dogs yeah a dogs that's what I can't do dogs I can't believe you're making a fucking homemade spoon I still can't believe you almost cut your finger off doing that. Body. We need a fork. Can you run out to the workshop? Hey, we haven't cut me tonight. We need four plates, sir. I'm going to be the backyard.

I mean, it's all yard. Give me a saw. Where are all the trees? Oh my God. I thought it's a crazy story, Bob. You know, you put an owl up. I didn't know if one came swooping. Now it was me. I was waiting for some fucking story here.

He's like, God, you'll see you'll see Mike get the owl up I'm going this is gonna be fucking epic. Are you fucking carving a fucking You're a wood shop Low budget works He's got oh Jesus Christ he he's making a spoon and I spent three grand on a ring yesterday. Oh my God. Oh, just dammit. Thank you, mom and dad. Thank you.

Just mom. No, me. I'm talking about me. Oh, sorry. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. I was so excited. I was looking.

I was when we were camping. When we were camping a couple of weeks ago, yeah. I was so excited. I was like, what? I was when we were camping. When we were camping a couple of weeks ago, I saw a piece of wood, and I was like, oh, that make a good spoon. So I would make a good piece of wood on the ground. I'm making good fire. So I took it home.

A lot of guys make their own spoon. I saw a rock. I saw rock I go Good paperweight So I I So I yeah, yeah, it was a fucking fuck up. It was bad. It was bad. I cut it up and real bad I can't do the drum off. I was supposed to do the drum off at a bonfire at skankfest I can't next week you still hold it now you hold drums takes with your thumbs and it'll be healed by next week

It'll be good. I don't know Crazy glue is good man. I'm not splitting it up. I'm not split my thumb open for fucking Skank fest you're out of your mind fucking just a last week little fucking be Yeah, all over the fan to be open to the malls. You didn't get to the bone. Did you like you to help tell me? I'm a you could see some fatty the fatty tissue the white stuff. Oh, yeah, I'm looking at no Rich came in hot He's rich came in hot. He always comes in on the game in us last week Waxing makes fun of the fucking guys in the couch their retaliate is like the fuck kind of people are a Fucking drunks and guys embarrassed for him. He's to them. Whatever. What's that? He was embarrassed for his friend. Yeah, whatever whatever and you have a great podcast. I got a lighter. Yeah, that's my lighter. Oh, hey, oh what?

Oh you smoke cigars. I Last time we did this. Oh, no, I'm not working. We got a fucking fight. I know this is a last time you're fucking you stuck it to me Listen to me. Okay. I got two five hundred dollar lighters really Really? I'll let go for 200 a piece. What are they? Do ponds? Which ones? The gold. Give them to me right now. First of all, they're during my safety deposit box. They have a safety... Who are you? Why do you have safety? Why are you putting the lighters in a safety deposit? I have a lot of jewelry in there. I have... I want them. You want both of them? Maybe I might keep one. No.

I'm fucking dead to me last time. 200 bucks. I'll give you one of them. No, you won 50. You give me one of them. No, listen to me. You give me both. You give me both. Give me both. What the fuck? You got to do a cartridge in it. Can you pull it up? What's a depart, can you, can you, can you You got a screw a cartridge in it? Can you pull it up?

It's beautiful, yeah. It's, it's, which one is it? Is it, old ones with the liquid? It's a, you've just got it in my, I'm sorry, I was just curious. You got a screw in the cartridge. Yeah, but is it, is it red? Is it light, is it light?

Is it light of fluid? Or is it, is it gas? Whatever the cartridge is, it's a red tube, it's a red tube. it's a red tube. They're fucking beautiful, lighters. Let me tell you something. Well, how many, are they both the same? Yeah, yeah.

Where'd you get them? I can't, I think one I got a cue because my father gave me and then I bought one. I don't know what I got, it's so long because I quit smoking 12 years ago. So I don't, I can't, yeah. Are you gonna give me the good one or the bad one? I'll let you pick.

No, it's nice reading that. It's all gold. That's, that one, I think. I'm gonna say, look at this. Show us to me. No, it's not that one either. It's not that one. I don't know what one it is.

Anyways, you're fucking, I mean, we're literally stopping here. There it is. You applied the brakes. I think that's it. I'll show them to you. All right, listen, when are you gonna give them to me? One, the word give me is not in the sentence. Okay. Give me means I

Give them. I understand. Let's rephrase. I go. When are you gonna sell them to me? Whatever you know, I'm not gonna I know you're not gonna give them to me. Why I gave you a fish and pole. And you ask for a back every time I see it. No, I want to. I put it one time. You buy every time I see it. Can I have that fishing rod back? No, that's because I had beat fucking, what's his name sign it?

What's who signed that? The baseball player. Oh, Pete Rose. Pete Rose signed it. Yeah. Signed a fishing pole? Signed a fishing box that came in Marble Miles. It's a fucking fly fishing rod and

I run, but it's it's it's be it's it's fucking Marble Miles. No, who cares how I got it? I Still felt night. I still nice for me to give it to his new you fish and he gave it to me I had Pete Rose sign it right because we're in studio with a baseball player, but it's Pete Rose It's still pretty wild to have Pete Rose sign it right now? Because we were in studio with a lot of that. He's a baseball player. But it's Pete Rose. It's still pretty wild to have Pete Rose signed it, right? Now ever since then he wants it back. Not that much, I had one time I asked for it back, two times. Two times or one of that.

Two polls. It's like one of the greatest baseball players in the world. Yeah, what does that have to do with fishing? You're making the fishing box? Yeah, and then Michael, you already said it tennis rock. Michael, I got this bottle of water. You do me a solid. I'm trying to play the North and T-shirt.

I got what was going gonna sign my spoon, but I never finished it. Yeah, first of all, first of all, my first of all, my first of all, he was a big fish of it. First of all, fucking dude, fucking dude. The guy's got the most hits in baseball. First of all fucking dude You acted like he was a fucking bass master Pull it up a fucking you know most people love a bat sign by him My guess I'm my chance. It's all I had.

It was the greatest story I have. Oh, fuck. So, yeah, sorry, anyways, I had this spoon I was making. A lot of guys in the bushcrafting community make spoons. So I wanted to try my luck at making a spoon. You want to be accepted by people you've never met? No, no, no. Me and Versi have a trip next week.

We're going on to where? It's next week. Next Thursday. Where you're going? We're going up in the woods. I told you. You said you wanted to go. You said not.

You said September. No. We're going on September. That's when I'm going. OK, you go to the September. Me and Versi going next week. Oh, next Thursday? Next Thursday.

We're going to go up one night. Go on the moon. Look, that's what I was making. I was making an awesome spoon. Look at those spoons. I guess what? What? That'd be cool to have. Wouldn't it? I mean, no, it's not bad. I said the same thing. I go, honey, I'm making this spoon. She goes, that's great. I go, you act like you're fake, you're fake being nice to me. She goes, I am. I don't care about it.

You have company coming in 10 minutes. Yeah, she goes, we have spoons. Yeah, and I cut my finger wide the fuck open. But I'm still gonna make another spoon. I don't blame you. You can't quit now. You fall off that bike, you get back on it. You cut your thumb off, you have nine more.

I have two more. I have one more. But you have nine more fingers. Yeah, but it's not a thumb. Thumbs are you need. Yeah, they found that out tonight that I'm right handed, but I'm really left handed too. I'm ambidextrous because I do a lot of shit

with my left hand. I do a lot of shit. I wipe my butt with my left hand. I jerk off lot of shit. I wipe my butt with my left hand. I jerk off with my, what? Not me. Wait, you're a righty? I'm a righty. And you wipe your ass with your left?

I jerk off with my left hand. I wipe with my left hand. I clean my balls and my dick with my left hand. Wow. I do everything with my left hand. Like hygiene wise. And sexually it's all my left hand. I even finger pop up my left head. That's the one I still does that Well, he's making spoons

You put that swollen thumb now get that going you're gonna make a young lady happy Just to make sure to glue his dry. Hey, hey, hey, can't him the fuck out of here. Just don't crazy glue in it. We gotta get the money. It's one time. But they do crazy glue now. I never heard of that. But absolutely. If you're home and you cut your finger, you just use crazy glue. Now I'm gonna tell you this right now. You have to clean it out first. You have to clean the shit out of it, which hurts. And then the crazy glue.

But it's a special crazy glue. It's not crazy glue that you fucking. The one they use at the doctors is medical crazy glue. Whatever the fuck that is. But you can just use regular crazy glue. Absolutely. But it hurts. It fucking hurts.

Like when they put that shit in, it's like you gotta be kidding me. Like that type of pain. But then, if you have something left over, you can put it on your helmet and hang from a girder. You don't remember the crazy, you know, we can. It's just not that funny. I kinda liked it. Yeah, I'm gonna close on that.

1978. So yeah, they cleaned it up with that. That's fucking funny. And then I went back to the party and I fucking cooked for everybody with one hand Yeah, it was good too, right? You didn't eat it. She's a fucking vegan. I feel so bad for her You made me a veggie burger. I always have vegan or an eating disorder She does not have an eating disorder disorder. I just fucking went to see it all. No, no look at her. She's fucking healthy as a fiddle She's a fiddle. Yeah.

She looks thin, take your shirt off. Thank you. Don't worry. What the fuck is she having? She has, I want to see you. It's a job suit. Oh, first of all, you can't say to a 22 year old girl, take your shirt off when you're a married guy.

What do you think it's 10 years ago on? Oh, look, you build spoons, I want to be a doctor. Oh. Oh. Oh. All right, take your shirt off, yeah. Oh look at you build spoons. I want to be a doctor Take your shirt My guttakers of just the fucking off 22. Yeah, 22 24 23 I'm 24 long if you're not eating like red meat or anything like that For like three years. You're a real vegan no eggs. No eggs, but sometimes I eat fish

Yeah, so not fully yeah, yeah, that's healthy. That's good. Yeah, so not fully. Yeah. Yeah. That's healthy. That's good. Yeah. You need stuff from that. Mm-hmm. Do you work out? Yeah. I think. Okay. Have any, uh, minority friends? Yeah. Okay, you're doing good. Yeah, she's woke. Thank you. She's woke is shit. I, I, I woke. What? What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah. If you're old school, no, I'm tolerant for this month

She gave month you came in hot and you fizzle out I'm out to cry you're almost like a fucking you look a sparkler that just fizzled out right now Fuck happening First of all I want to say something Pick that up. It's in the garbage. Did you put it in the garbage? Discuss why do you have to throw what's such oomph? Just I was sick of it I listen to your podcast is big by the way

Pretty good don't get but don't what it's out there. Oh, it's a podcast it out there What do you want to say? Yeah, no reason to talk about it or bring it up It's on a rich it's oh now I got to know what the fuck you don't on your podcast. Yeah, but no one's listening No, there's a lot of people that listen to your podcast. It really yes, what happened? What happened? I know we talked about birds What happened? I know. We talked about birds. No.

We lost six fucking patrons. Patrons? Yeah. Patreons. Patrons who follow us. Because the podcast you think? No, because we haven't been just up on a patron. No, you lose something you gain some.

Yeah. You lose a trick too. At the end of the month, a lot of people say fuck it, because they, you know, they, but look, your real fans will come and join. It goes up and down. We put up two, two, two, uh, two patrons last week.

We put up two of them. Yeah, your fans go, go to, uh, uh, Vosibonies. Well, without giving it away, what was the topic? You'd have to say that. Bobby brought it up. I didn't bring it up.

He wants to talk about this. Talking about fucking Jeff Ross. I wasn't. Yeah, what was that about? Because I already had it. I already went kind of went after him on radio. So there was no reason. We kind of patched it up. So I didn't go this was, you know, Bonnie, I mean, it was one of the most interesting podcasts I've heard in a long time. I haven't heard somebody just open up and be that honest about somebody else in the business that, you know, we all keep our mouths shut because we're so scared of what the, you know, when somebody does something to you,

just, oh, just, who cares? And just, you talk to your friend about it. Yeah, but Bonnie and the car tonight said it makes her look bad. It makes her look bad. I don't think it makes Bonnie look bad. Bonnie was pissed off about, not about, it was not about his success, but how he treats her. Of Bonnie look bad Bonnie was pissed off about not about it was not about his

Treats of course not he was pissed she was pissed off that he she got treated in a shitty way Yeah, that's it and then an act of like it never happened and that's all it was You know what I mean? So I think it's refreshing when people do that When you hold resentments and you fucking keep it in, you'll explode. You explode. And now it's out in the open, you can work it out if you want to, but it was a fun. I think when you hear that shit, to me it's interesting and it's refreshing and your wife,

first of all, is one of the funniest people. We everybody knows. You know what to say, thank you, there's nothing to do with you. I hope you didn't help or do nothing. I plug her. No You fucking dragged her to the bottom of the ocean Fucking anchor her to a certain career. Can you build me a boat and get me out of there and not you Hersh, you said it on the podcast

She's like I used to be cool. I used to be awesome and now I'm fucking not Just fucking says you just trash. Let me tell you something, your podcast. You're such a fucking just curmudgeon. Oh, you're just yapping. And it's just her dealing with you. And it's one of the most interesting, I mean, scientists and psychologists who listen to your fucking podcast

to understand their inner workings of a fucking true relationship, because Bonnie should have dumped you fucking eight years ago. Just fucking gave you the hi-hat and pushed you out of your own fucking townhouse. I met her at the top of my game. Yeah, and you met, she fucking dragged her down and she said to bottom hers.

Oh, God. If you met Bonnie today, she'd tell you to beat it. If you met the Bonnie we know today, you wouldn't even get backstage. You'd be like, hey, I'm to get him out of there. That's your wife. Come on. The first time I ever met Rich and talked to him,

we were at a party at Caroline's, years ago. And your album came out. It was the one with the art with all the, like still empty inside. Yes, that's the one, yeah. So we're, so it was like 2008, 2009. That was all those comedy clubs. So, so we're, what the fuck?

What the fuck? What the fuck? It's like I got a good one, I thought it was that, right? Yeah. That's the thing. That's the thing. Um, and I was like, I was like, I knew youth, but I didn't know you, but Chris Italian told me and your

album was doing good at the time. And I know that Chris and I did it. So I'm like, oh, you know, and I was always afraid that you were going to be a dick because everybody, some people loved you, some people loved you. Like when he walked in tonight and just started trashing you. No, but like coming up young, because you guys are a generation ahead. You hear like rich voice, right? And people would be like, a generation ahead of a head.

All right. So he's two generations ahead and you're one. He came in when I was an open Michael with a ponytail and shitty teeth in the Boston. He's a generation ahead of ahead. All right, so he's two generations ahead. And you're one. He came in when I was an open Michael with a ponytail and shitty teeth in the Boston. So you always hear stories like some guys in Assault, or oh no, he's actually, I heard two things. Oh, he's really nice, sir.

I don't know, he's a dick. So I was just like, I'm standing next to this guy at a Christmas party. I'm like, his album was number one on iTunes or whatever. And Chris Atal, he was all proud and excited about it. So I just like, there was something going on, and I just looked at you and I go, hey man, you stupid nice me, right?

Thinking, this is gonna be a nice way. I go, hey man, congratulations on the album, everything. And I swear to God, hand to God, Richie's looked at me and he goes, fuck you. I swear to God, and I just fucking, I laughed, and was like, what the fuck? But then I asked to guys and I just fucking I left and was like what the fuck As to guys on us true. That's the first thing and then you know the funny thing is then he kind of laughed he did Like nice guy

Because you know it was a comic who couldn't take and he was like I don't fucking know this guy so fucking both no That's just not even in the bulk park of that. Okay, a comic that can't take compliments, David Tao. Oh, really not, it's really not that good. You don't go fuck you. Like, like, he just, hey, do you got any change? Fuck you. He's a fucking, why would you do that? I could be an asset times.

Yeah, you really can. But you know what deep down I would do anything for your kids first. For your not a kid. For all three of them. I'm all three of them. My kid right now I gotta leave. But my kid, I'm gonna get lost going to this place.

Why can't you, first of all, you can't get lost. That's not me, right? You know, my kids, what is that? I First of all, you can't get lost. You know, my kids, who is that? I don't know. You can't get lost. Take it. It might be important. Never let it go. He's not at that stage of his career yet. My kids, I sleep over camp. You're in a good stage of career where you don't have to worry about. No, but this is a weird night. My kids, I sleep over camp. Yeah.

And last year, she went to coding camp. She went to coding camp for two years. Yeah. Now she's at 3D printer camp. Yeah. So I told her to make her make me bottom teeth. Yeah. But she loves it.

She's in prison at 3D printer camp. Gary Gohmann, everybody. Gary Gohmann is... From long absence. After a long absence, years. Years has come back up to the Ryke as studios on the YKWD as Rich Voss is exiting. I want to stay because Gary's here.

What, what, you wouldn't stay because of me in fucking poly here? No, I've already done this with you guys, but I've not, you know, I guess. That's not how it works. We're not done with it. So, well, anyhow, listen to my wife, Hates me this week.

My wife hates me this week. They trashed Jeff Ross. No, I didn't. Not, he didn't. You're a part of it. Who trashed Jeff Ross? She didn't trash him. They were just talking about incident.

The bombing had been. So, her playhouse was an eight minute walk away from here. So, it's an eight minute walk. Yeah, you're fine. For you, that means four minutes for me. Yeah, it's right here. What do you mean it's eight minutes? Where the fuck are you?

What do you mean? What do you mean it's eight minutes? He went on a, this is why I was saying to you, you go, I'm gonna get lost. If you get lost in 2018, you're fucking dumb. You have fucking a dumb in 17. I mean, I get nervous before. I get nervous. I got nervous.

The way we're just put so-how, so-how in my Google. Playhouse. Let me put so-how with me, let me know. So-how, so-how playhouse in Google. Yeah. Google Maps. I do walking. Yeah.

Yeah. He's not a moron. I don't have my glasses. Do you want me to do it for you? No, as I'm walking. I might not do it. Put him in right now. No, I can do that

Flooding yeah, you're flirting. Yeah, it's a take your shirt off. What are you nuts? No, just crazy Has to me a key to me a key to the target model is is as a hashtag you to or hashtag me to worse for a comedian. No, it come out like, oh, you were awesome. Oh, you too. Yeah. I say the YouTube is worse. I'd rather take a hashtag me to than a hashtag you to what if I drive there or walk? Are you still on that? If it's a walk, you should walk. Yeah, you should walk. It's anything anything less than I think 15 minutes. You should walk I walk 15 I do at least 10,000 steps. Oh, she's I mean are we sick of those people yet? Yeah, the step counters. I would sick of him. Oh my gosh, the staff counters and

Everything is about that the step 1860 day and it was all downhill 2008 620 day and it was all downhill Like your career How a boy liked it What's up, yeah, I've never been impressed with a number of steps anybody take it up There's no number of steps in the last two months. I've walked 238 miles And I'm exactly the same. Yeah, I'm two pizzas.

And what's the goal? 10,000 is the goal? 10,000, yeah. Yeah, but why isn't it suddenly, why isn't 8,000 good? Yeah, why not 20,000? Why is anything at number? You know, why? But what I'm saying is it's all arbitrary.

Yeah, with these people, you don't want to use those headphones. I can't. But it's what I'm saying is It's all you know arbitrary. I'll murder you. What does arbitrary mean? Huh? What is it? Dude, you, you, and the funniest part about is the word you use when Bonnie goes, that's not the right way. You said it be hooves me as it was a negative. She goes shows that's the wrong way to use that it's actually a good thing when something yeah and you just kept going like it didn't even well that I said it amazes me and I do my shoulder up like that Christmas gay month gay month gay month is over yes's go find some. Oh, all right, Vossy. Uh, go to Voss, Voss Roach, VossRost.com. Oh, the Voss roast.

Voss, from my favorite funny. I hadn't laughed that hard since Borat at the theater. Yeah, that was so funny. Oh, my gosh, and all of our favorites were there. I mean, you got me, you got Derosie, you got Florentine, you got Lewis J. Gomez, you got got Bonnie who was the host who just murdered you got Rich Voss with his dumb hat you got Colin Quinn you got Jim Norton Judy Gold and Big Jay and it was he was it's not the right size it's it's it's it's not the right

era yeah Not the right era. Yeah. You understand? It's not 1956, we're playing B-Nuckle. You're a fucking up girl. Fomingo kid. Yeah. Fucking stinks. I hate his hat. Last year at Skankfest, we took a, I go, if I give you 100, let me burn that hat.

He goes 100. We got the 100, he goes, and 7, I want the tax. Wow. So we had to get the tax. We got the one to 7. So we took it, we got the 100, he goes, and seven, I want the tax. Wow. So we had to get the tax. No, we got the seven. So we took it, we burnt the fucking hat. Yeah, but it's all gone. Let me see the thing down there.

Rent it for five dollars, buy it for 10 dollars. Right now, supposedly we're all splitting this money evenly. Everybody who's on the rose gets an even percentage of the money, right? Yeah, when we get some money, everybody'm here. Everybody's gonna get money. Rich. How many times would somebody have to rent it to make it worth buying? To make it worth buying?

Twice. Good. People like, I just wanted you to redeem yourself for the arbitrary debacle. Oh shit, another word he doesn't know. There's a debacle. Oh shit, another word he doesn't know. There's another debacle. What does it mean? It's like chaos and you put yourself in like a... In a jam.

It's putting yourself in a jam. Chaos! Why would you use another crazy word you know what you mean? It's like chaos. Alright, whatever. Gary's getting a pass. I fucking albums. That doesn't mean...

What the fuck does that mean? Dumb dumb. But what I'm saying is... I fucking albums 161 IQ 140 that's incredible IQ You're not Gary. It's a fucking website on Facebook. No, what's in that one? Look at me? No You try to make a spoon. I can't, I can't stop laughing. Listen to me. Now you can't have the thumb up. Listen to me. You're hurt.

No, that's a different one. I did not. I'm a real one. But you did the one on Facebook, it was the same thing, right? There's these fucking, these IQ tests that you take online. It gives everybody a hundred and forty-one. So you take your fucking genius. And then you have to go on and do something else. It's not about. I got a hundred and forty one. No, it's not a fucking genius. And then you have to go on and do something else.

It's God-bush. I got a hundred and forty one. And I'm fucking dumb as mud. No, you're right. I fucking ningo to school. I was in the rubber room till ninth grade. I got a scholarship to Bunker Hill for fine art from my art teacher.

I think one of the bang me, okay. And then I did comedy. I don't know how to spell. I don't know what a fucking semi-colon does I Know nothing, okay, and I'll admit it. I don't know shit I wrote a script look I wrote a script I had to write it and give it to Jim Cerebral and he had a fucking correct everything, okay?

Literally fucking it was a nightmare to write with me because I don't know to spell shit I don't put fucking punctuation I don't do it. I put dot dot dot as fucking. That's all I know. I lose periods. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I wish him had one. That's not nice. Oh my god. That was. A lot of people rented them watch it, rent it like three or four times. Those people are fools. They're dumb. Just buy it. Just buy it. You're gonna fucking moron. I rented it 17 times. You could have bought it once. You fucking you scooch. I don't want my fan. After the second time. Yeah. But then like I'm already into it for 10 now. I'm gonna be in into it for 20. I'll just be

into it for 15. You know what? Let's just do the 20 solid. I got guests over. I don't want to fuck your make those same mistakes place. Oh my gosh. Oh, it would be a great series. The person fighting with themselves over with them rented again. They love it so much. But what about that line? I'm going to rent it again.

I'm just doing it. Are you saying you weren't going to do it, Michael? Just do it. Who can? Just weren't gonna do it, Michael? Just do it, who cares? Just this one, I wanna it with only Florentine said. All right, this last one, promise? I promise this'll be the last one. Get out the paper and pad.

I hope Augusta win takes that hat down the fucking Chinatown. Oh my gosh. What are you doing? I'm a daddle. All right, we'll go to, oh. It was made from bad microphone cords. Oh, look, this is not your forte. Hey, listen. We'll go to it was it was made from bad microphone cords

Hey listen, we got rich boss last week here. I want to say this right now me Paul Keith Robinson last week of August Comedy, Celevegas. Yes, get your fucking tickets now. Yeah, say that list again rich boss. Yeah Keith Robinson Wow Wow. Paul Versey. Wow. Robert Kelly. Holy crap. All the same show in Comedy Soul Las Vegas. Who has to be there the next week to follow that? I don't know. I have no idea. But so I would fly out. I'm bringing you bringing your family, right? What's wrong with you? What do you mean? Why would I bring my family? I'm like my wife's

a comic. I don't take her with Why would I bring my family? I'm like, my wife's a comic. I don't take her with me. I took my kids to Vegas when they were young. And when I worked there in August, every day they go, they almost cried. It was so hot walking, you know, brutal. We're golfing, right? Yeah, we're golfing.

All right, so am I not bringing my family? Who brings your family to Vegas? You're bringing your family? I was going, I'm not going to be with your family. I was going to be with them all. I'm going to be with you guys, but you know, by the pool. Are you going to play golf with us or no? Yeah, I'm playing golf with you guys. Yeah.

It's why am I not playing? Who said you were in playing? You just whispered into the microphone. Well, we got to see that we have thumbs up too. Right? My thumbs fine. Well, you get it? Well, start making clubs now. Get the fuck out of it. Rich Boss Rich. Did you really think this isn't my forte?

Yeah, I could stop it. Will you fucking go let him get to you? Once a month. Well, we had a radio show. You really only wanted to do it more than once. Oh, thanks, man. I did it more than once. You got my head.

Do you want to go show? Yeah. What the fuck, I tried to kill them all. I'm kidding. I kidding. I love doing once. I love you boss. All right, boss. Thanks for coming up, buddy I checked us out bet DSI bet DSI dot com has been in business for over 20 years Gary What? Paying winners top rated on sports book reviews sites easy to use mobile playing interface play to win get paid they pay money buddy bett the SI has a great mobile app that is way easy to use anywhere from anywhere in the world you can

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Wow. You can bet on politics. This is gonna save friendships. Reality TV. Reality TV. Reality TV. Right. Yes.

Reality TV pretty much everything. Look, I play myself. I'm actually doing the Lewis Gomez fight that's coming up. He's fighting someone. He's fighting another comic in the Elismania event. I'm gonna bet on him, and I'm gonna be betting this weekend on the UFC fights.

Who's Lewis fighting? He's fighting, what's his name? O'Neal. He's got a boxing match or an MMA fight. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Lewis is like a Tasmanian devil. I'm. Yeah, he's actually the Puerto Rican rattlesnake. Let's get to you. All right. He's not a doubt. He's a Puerto Rican. He'll, uh, fight. He's not from Tasmania. Yes, that's right. So I recommend Bet DSI. If you want to add a little excitement to the game, you are watching. Just go to Bettea's side, get the mobile app and get it on.

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That's a good one. I went to a win, a win's place in Austin and they had all the games on. Yeah. You can take your phone on bet right there. Just to get to gigs. Yeah, it makes, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about the world cup.

No, but if I'll pick a team, I'll pick the red team. I'll pick Mexico, because I'm in Austin, there's a bunch of them everywhere, right? Sure. Okay, with all the Mexican stuff going on, let's get behind Mexico. Yes, right? Wait, what's on the Mexican stuff going on?

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that's bettiusi.com, sorry, bettiusi.com. Use promo code YK100 for 200% bonus on your initial deposit. There you go, bettiusi.com. Check it out. Anyways, that was that fucking voice is the God damn it. I mean, he says I might come up, I just come up dude. Don't ask. Yeah, you can come in and sit down on any fucking, comes in immediately, this is what, and you'll notice this, I'm gonna tell everybody, this is his thing, ready?

Comes in and he attacks. Really? He looks around the room and he finds, he's gonna attack somebody. He's not gonna usually do the weakest person because it doesn't want people to feel bad He's gonna pick not me because it's my show right he's gonna he pick comes in and says something to verse Yeah, but he didn't go on me hard. No, he didn't attack me hard. No, it's not hard It's never hard, but it's just a fucking little nudge just to go. I'm fucking here. Yeah, you see animals

You see hippos Fucking the kind of sitting there's no room, right? No, I don't want to win the fuck what I went all right. We're making it in shape and shape animal verse No, I'm just gonna ask you know how do you know how do you hippos for me? Okay, do you but you know hippos? Do you know about hippos? I know a little something about hippos. You know that a hippo can chop a crocodile in half and it its mouth. No. It's absolutely the toughest, most violent and strong animal in the jungle.

And the only reason that's not the king of the jungle, why do you think? Because it can't go anywhere. Fat shaming. LAUGHTER Because it doesn't look like a king of a jungle. It doesn't look like a king of a jungle. It's obese. Well because the lions are always whispering stuff on the f***ing under shore.

And he's like, what did I say? He's like, what the f*** is that? I don't know who's saying to you. And it f***s this. And the wife's like, go do something. Ah, forget it. Just let him go. Oh f*** with them.

I'll let the elephants f*** with them. And that's your problem. You let the elephants take all the fucking glory So anyway, it's yeah, he he comes in and actually does he fucking jab somebody just a little that's what he did last week He came in he fucked with the little and the guy of course doesn't get it like you because you're a comic You know, he's just being funny. This guy was like, do do do do do. And the boss is like, what the fuck's wrong with him?

I don't know why fucking became you. Ha ha ha ha. So anyways, yeah, barbecue yesterday was a fucking a success, but too hot. I had, we had like seven people just, just say, look, I, and here's the thing, too. I feel bad because when you have to cancel, yeah, some people will, you know,

people will be like, you know, and it was a last minute thing. I mean, it was, yeah, let's do this on Monday because I don't wanna do Fourth of July. I don't wanna be doing that shit. I don't wanna have a fourth of July. We have to cancel our fourth of July today. And you know, the fourth of July parties I have are,

you have one, when we have one. I was supposed to have a 40 we had to cancel off for the July today and you know the 4th July party's I have or you have one when we have one I was supposed to have one tomorrow and I didn't know about it Hey, did well you told me you were having something on the third a long time ago. I didn't know I didn't know you have an A party tomorrow. Yeah, I said to you. I hope it yours is not on the third and this was a long time ago. I don't know about that What do you think I was gonna invite of course I was gonna invite you I course I was gonna invite you. I never got, was gonna invite me. I never got the invite. No, Bobby, we talked on the phone. When?

A long time ago. Yeah, but you can't do a long time ago. You can't have a conversation about a party a month ago. You said, you know, whoa, let me finish. Can I finish? Okay, go ahead. My argument. I mean, you know, you can't tell me,

oh, we're gonna have a fourth of July party a month ago, and then never mention it again. No, no, that's not what happened. What happened was you said to me, are you having that big fourth of July party? And I asked you, are you having one? And you go, yeah, but ours is gonna be on the third. Right, that's what you said.

I said, no, but I couldn't have said that, because we didn't really confirm this until like a few days ago. You think I'm lying to you? I don't. I'm not lying to you. I mean, if you're gonna put it that way, but I think you might be mistaken.

I think I look after the tornado hit, maybe everything got fucked up. So, that's what happened. Are you having a party tomorrow? I am not. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.

When did you cancel that? Like pretty much this week it was like a listen if the contractors don't come so we had a tornado hit the fucking house and Like like legit like legit. Yeah, I'm looking out of my back window and our huge grill And I'm I say to my son Lucas look at the grill and as the grill's going the only tree that could hit our house smash through our deck trees were flying by get it was fucking brutal. And with contractors, they're still doing it.

The deck's not fixed. The roof just started to get fixed today, so we can't do anything. Are you getting a new shed? They're doing the roof of the new shed, and I gotta gut the middle of it. So I'm gonna actually be calling you because I need your help.

Yeah. You're gonna do all the silverware for that dude. That's not fair. Yeah, did you tell Gary what happened? I think Gary, but you're interested in this. Like, I was because you owed Mr. Gaza 150 dollars and then Rocky Bobo came around and he said just tape up the thumb.

So Mr. Gaza, thanks, I broke your thumb. Who had I don't want to break it? I don't understand who has who in their brain can just fucking pull that up. You have to be a little on the spectrum I don't understand it. I don't fucking get it. Who the fuck And pull that up who can pull up Gaza and the fucking scenario I Gary Goldman is the reason I'm I wouldn't I don't want to do Conan Nobody should be doing nobody should ever do Conan again Nobody should ever do Conan again when you did that Conan said by the way, it was amazing I don't know if I ran into here when you did that set. I literally said I'm never sending JP a tape again

Can I talk about joke when I did the tonight show he went I'm gonna I should be doing that I'm not even joking when I did the tonight show he went I'm gonna I should be doing that Don't joke he said I'm talking to a guy. I'm gonna do it That's what he said you do the show. I should I'm never done by me doing it. I do it I should be doing it. I mean can I give a guy a compliment? Yeah, I said your car said your tonight show was fucking great. Yeah, you didn't say it didn't fucking You said it's great and I'm gonna do it too you didn't his was so good you're quitting the business Bobby you're just like me we want everybody around us to walk on eggshells No, we're so sensitive

Gary I'm sensitive and I agree with you. It couldn't have been all that's nice, Virzy. It had to be what it was me. It was too nice. You're too nice. You can say you just set out. Do it on. No one should do stand up on late night again. No, it's happening. I said, I don't why should anybody do stand up?

I said, all right. What are we talking about? How did he come up with the thumb thing. Well, do you know what I thought happened? I thought he before the show starts he goes Mike get that owl up That's what he says Mike get the picture of the owl up I want the owl up so he so I'm going like hey Bobby So same time Gary. I'm going to happen to you. What happened to your thumb Mike get the owl up. We'll talk about it We'll talk about it. Look at talk about it. Let me put that up. Now, Mike, turn to Gary slowly. Don't tilt your head.

Just keep your eyes wide open like you usually do. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Nick Mullin called them owl face. He was like, we were talking about him this weekend. We're all hanging out. And he goes, yeah, it looks like an owl.

And I was like, what? And then he put the chalin. I was like, oh my god. And then you do the lawn owl. Yeah the lawn out. We're at my party I said I have a lawn owl to scare away the birds from the garden Nick grabbed them and goes how long you been here Mike? I was just at the house. Yeah, I'm talking to the owl and it's funny. I was fucking dying So anyways, so fucking dying. So anyways. So one would think that when I said,

what happens to your thumb and he goes, Mike pull up the thing, oh, you'll hear. That's what he goes, you'll hear. We're gonna talk about it. Tell him what happened. Tell him what happened. I was carving a wooden spoon. I was making a wooden spoon for Max.

No, well, yeah. I was. I actually know how he went to something that it had to be something else. Excuse me, I apologize. It was for, I was making a wooden spoon, bring up wooden spoons, bush crafting, because you know I'm having this thing, I'm going in the woods now, and one of the things that you do in the woods is you make your own spoons, and there you go.

So I was trying to make one of those for my kid to have when you go out into the woods camping. So he could, you know, eat out, it was just something little cute. Yeah. I was trying to, and no one, nobody Gary, you know, I was trying to make it and I sliced my finger up in real bad. Yeah, because I fucked up. I wasn't paying attention. Right. Or because you're a comedian from Boston. Did it hurt?

Did it hurt badly? I mean it asked stitches it did hurt Well, I went in and I went into the urgent can she was like, you know, we'll just glue it They super glued it she opened it up and poured the glue and pushed it back together No way yeah, I would hurt a little bit But it was quick and easy and then and then I was throwing a little Tylenol I'm fine Yeah, but I was yesterday at the literally 10 minutes before I was supposed a little Tylenol and fine. But, how long ago? I was yesterday. At the, literally 10 minutes before I really was supposed to show up for the barbecue.

And how much self-reflection did you do after that? Well, what am I doing? What am I doing? I mean, I've been to your house a drawer full of spoons. So many spoons, a variety of sizes. And I understand you want to be environmental. You don't want to take the plastic right because it gets in the sea turtles houses but for quite a lot of nobody would look at you as

scans if you want to know the funny thing he thought you were gonna be on his side this motherfucker thought he was gonna get one you thought Gary was gonna be the one at least Gary's going out in a different way. Okay, he used the word scant. He said, draw full of spoons. Oh, Bob, I know. I do stupid things all the time. I was just like, I still have to get stupid.

I was making a spoon. No, making the spoon your heart was in the right place, but but not being intensely careful You should knife. What I learned is that a lot of these guys duct tape their thumbs. Okay, you understand? What do you laugh at that? They learned that after the fact? Well, I did I fucking should have researched it a little more But guys you do it all the time cut that cut that Yeah, well look at I've been I got I'm really into knives. What was Don's response to this that she was the spoon or the cut the cut Well the spoon I'll tell you the spoon first, but I came out and I showed her the spoon

It was pretty much the same response that I got from everybody and they were like She was like, oh, yeah, and I owe you are you fake? And she went oh, yeah, and I go you don't fake? I can't believe it. And she went, oh yeah. And I go, you're just being nice to me. And she's like, yeah, I'm being nice to you. You can tell by now. She goes, we have people, I don't care about a spoon. Put this spoon down.

We have spoons. So then, but she goes, but yeah, that's great that you're doing it babe. You know, when I was like, all right, whatever. And then everybody had, I thought people were gonna have a little better response. You know what I mean? Like I kind of let your wife, I'd be like,

oh, I like that about him. He's making a spoon. He's like, good friend. Well, here's the thing. Nobody's, this is the thing. If I had made the spoon and then you came over and I showed you the spoon that I made, you'd be like, you made that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty fucking cool. And it's sweet. So you guys, you start now, looks like a painting stirring stick. So no, right? It looks like a wooden shoe horn. Whatever.

Okay, I bet you that's a really common thing within the spoory making community, especially the amateurs. They're always like, eh, all right, this will be another shoe horn. I'm gonna have a shoe horn. Like that's sort of a cliche within that, They're always like, eh, all right, this will be another another shoehorn Like that's that sort of a cliche You cannot world

How do you like when it was going it's kind of shoehorn A little shoehorn worst case shoehorn I've been using this shoehorn in 14 years wasn't, listen, it wasn't done. It wasn't even near done. It was at the very beginning of spoon, you know what I mean? It was a weird thing. And I still hadn't figured if it was going to be a spork or a spoon yet.

How much blood? A lot. A lot of blood. The dog needs like an MF, doesn't it? Dog got sick. Dog was like, she had to like walk away. Yeah. Did Max say any of this? No, he was like an MF. Don got sick. Don was like, she had to like walk away. No. Did Max say any of this?

No, he was like, camp. The carnage. The carnage. This how cute Max is you are there. He comes in after camp. There's people there, right? And then he's saying hi and he's kind of, he loves when people's out.

He's a people kid, you know? He loves it and then he looks at me and he goes, one second, one second. And he comes over to me and goes, Dad, I heard you're finger, you okay? And I show him the thing and he gave me a little kiss on my thumb and it goes, oh, feel better. And I said, yeah, and then he went and fucking. Yeah, good kid.

I want a kid. Well, that shows, yeah, it's a good kid. Good kid. Yeah, good kid. And he tagged me in the nuts later in the afternoon. Literally, intentionally. Absolutely. He goes, let's go.

And he ran and I see him look back and he flicked me right in the afternoon. Literally, intentionally. Absolutely. He goes, let's go. And he ran and I see him look back and he flicked me right in the dick. And he went, oh, anyway. And he goes, I went, I was like, all right, I don't know, he's kind of a-radi, very a-radi. You know what I mean? Very slap in the ball out of your fucking hand type shit. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Anyways, yeah, so, you know, I'm not gonna be able to use my thumb for a week, but I got all these custom knives. I got these beautiful knives. What? God. It goes from the, you know,

I got that, I just got a custom hatchet made for camping. From my friend, he's my knife, one of my knife makers. we have a couple guys, there's a guy that's making me, Ari, and Joe custom knives. His name is PJ Hunt on Instagram, and he's making something really nice.

How many times have you been in a wood? Like recently, since all this knife making, how many times have you been in a wood? Like recently since all this knife making, how many times have you been in a wood? Two. Alright. And now next week we're going, me and you. Yeah. On Thursday. Is it as a third comment? Thursday. No, just just us. Okay. Just us. Okay. Going up in the woods. Alright. For Thursday night. I'll bring the server. We're all right. I'll bring I'll bring my Well, we're not what are we bringing she horns? Just lurping out of a fuck

You think that was my third try This is the other guy I have our time say L-A-J-O-I-E LaJoyah, right? His name is Matthew La Joya L.A. Matthew L.A. He's got those people parents at Lajue. Lajue? Lajue? Sometimes. Is it really? There was one time. I have a hard time. Old time baseball player Napoleon Lajue. You can actually see my axe up on his site if you go to his site. He's in an un-fucking blood. He takes old axe heads from the 30s.

Any re-firm it. What, you showed it to me? I think you showed it to me in your shed, didn't you? Yeah, you did. Only from the thirties? That's all it is. No, from all of them. From all of them.

From all of them. No, again, no, from the thirties. It's too old. It's too old. It feeds its own purpose. It's a plumb. It's called old. The feet don't purpose. It's a It's a plum. It's called plum Accents a certain accents that were popular back then American made. I love this I love the this about you what among a million other things Let me just say this and I haven't said this to you. No, you know what I love about you

love about you. Everything. No, go on. What do you have? Everything. No. The fact that you get so once you take an interest in something, you get so into it with the passion and obsession of a kid. Yeah. And that's that's genius. I love that. I got you when I got you into comic books. Oh my God. It was just and the enthusiasm brings everybody in around you. It's really nice. Well, you know, he's right about that. Yeah. I mean, because we do have to suck the marrow out of life. You have a lot of interests and I think it's uncertain things.

Certain things because I wish I could do it on the things like, you know, the gym, you know, salads would be, you know, nah, that's not just, what? They're not interests, they're, they're, man. I am very interested in the woods right now and I feel half of it is the world that we're living in now. I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of, I'm so sick of it all. If I was a, look at man, if I was a multi-millionaire

or even had a few million, I'd probably, I would not, I'd move up. I'd move up. I'd move up Vermont and Hampshire somewhere. I'd kind of get out of here and do comedy and acting when I chose to. Oh, when it was fucking right, I would not, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, it's so fun. I would not, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, it's so fun. I come down tonight. I get out. There's a guy parked half parked in the

three spots, okay? And I pull up and I'm like, hello, and he just puts his hands up. And he pulls up a little bit and I, but I still can't get in. So I have to pull up again. But I got away for the cars to go go by then I pull up I go what are you doing he goes away for a customer I go but you can wait up here I'm trying to park I gotta go to work your life parking and he goes is that what it's called life your on the car it's called life parking yeah he can park anywhere yeah as long as you're in the car he's live parking I wish I knew life parking but you live parking so you like what? He would have thought I was a cop if I said dude, stop live parking. Yeah, because I had no idea what it meant.

Alright, fucking love life parking. I'm gonna use that all the time now. Dude, are you live parking? What? I don't know. Well, if you don't know, there's no live parking. I'm gonna go. So then he finally goes, I'm gonna leave. I go, yeah!

Fucking eight minutes ago, you should have fucking left. So I pull into the spot, and I leave enough room for the person behind me, but the beamer, here's my rule. If you have a beamer, you're a piece of shit. Sit, sit. What? I don't care if I love you, if I know you,

if you went and said, oh, I'm gonna get a beamer. There's something in you that broke up, unless you gotta hook up. Okay, maybe if you have hook up. But other than that, you're broken. You're a beamer. There's something in you unless you got a hookup done unless you got a hookup. Okay, maybe if you have a go But other than that you're broken. You're a bad person You just a bad person is it just a BMW because I'll include Mercedes. Nope porches and nope BMWs. I just can't fathom how you can afford to live in Manhattan and also have a luxury car You first the word if I'm not gonna hang around with you if you have anything above in a cord.

Really? Yeah, we, what about a hawk that's serving the same world? What about a hawk that's serving? Yeah, all right. But if you live in Manhattan and you have a Porsche, we have nothing in common. What are we going to talk about, because the garage fees alone. Oh my gosh, yes. And the insurance that must be on a Porsche,

it's probably more than my rent. Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of the city. I mean, even when I come in, girl, front of me, new puppy, probably college student, on phone, puppy unleash, pink leash, should never be on your phone with your puppy walk Exactly walking down the street a million people coming at her people behind her waiting. She's on the phone

She the dog stops because there's a baby and she's blocking the whole sidewalk with the fucking leash and she's on the phone Oh the baby in the puppy and I'm sitting there just stopped waiting for her to move her dog least so I could get by to come here to do, I finally, I go, move your fucking dog. Good for you. Yeah, good for you. But she immediately turned into the victim. Oh my God, all right, fine.

Yeah, yeah, of course. I love that you said, move your fucking dog. That's great. But what the fuck, in what universe? The wealthy, that universe, the wealthy, that universe, the wealthier, the sense of entitlement, it's fucking crazy, crazy, that she has no common sense and empathy

for the rest of us, that she would just walk down the street on a phone with her dog and think nobody had a a nightmare of day. You know, a horrible thing to do with a dog. You're gonna just yeah. Just dragging the dog around. Yeah, well, you're on the phone. They're not even paying attention.

Like she cares more about her having a dog than her dog. Yes, bang. Yeah, I think. I heard the dog is for her. Bang, a narcissist. Write that down, put quotes around it, put a dash. Your name. There you go. And a Bank of an arses. Right that down put quotes around it put a dash your name Here you go in a photo of you above that. Yes, he can't more about having a dog than a dog

Something to that effect. No That was I Play it back again. I don't know Yeah, the Bobby you punctuate it Seriously the fucking puppies of the new Gucci bag. Yes. Puppies of the new fucking new coach bag. Yeah. Yeah. No coach. Puppies of the new. Restor soul. Oh, no, let's just we so void that. Now these like hipsters have like these big fucking pit bulls in Brooklyn. Yeah, no, yeah And it's like you could tell that it's just because well I've rescue you know

I mean like without having knowledge of the fucking don't you could see it? Yeah, cuz they can't control it. It's just fucking pull this little bearded fucking idiot I'm gonna scarf on August 10 bearder. Yeah, he's on a fucking skateboard. It's like, now, dude, put the scale. Control your animal, you fucking fiend. Yeah. Fiend. Yeah, I look, man, I've been fucking getting into, like, I've been watching so much shit now.

I just watch YouTube. I watch YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, and I go all over the fucking place on there, as far as spoon making, back to the... That's right, you can learn anything. I mean anything, I was trying to, it's just the new books, it's just the new way of learning is the YouTube. But I mean, I feel like we're in,

we're fucking, we're headed for this crazy, they're saying we're in a soft civil war. Well, that's interesting, what does that, what do they mean by that? That means that the fucking country is about to fucking separate down the middle over all the shit with Trump and fucking, yeah, but I think that's a lot of media shit

because, you know, I don't think you can develop a civil war within the time frame that a present would be there even for eight years. A lot would have to happen. You know, the power shift so much. And you know, I think that that's lazy fucking journalism to say that because I saw that too where they're like, are we a few years from a civil war? It's just like, but even to hear that, what the, we should be so beyond even saying that

as a people. But even the strongest milit malicious can they really take on the government and well not even that it's like what is the fucking you I mean dude what I don't understand is why comic wise I I would thought the funniest comedy in the world will be coming out of certain people right now but it seems like everybody's just fucking angry. You know what I mean? And I think social media is the shittiest thing. I think it's just shit for comics. Because the philosophy you would have in a conversation with other comedians or other people,

using it to bring on stage, to write amazing jokes, is just being spewed out instantly. To people, just on one fucking side. Oh, what it is? And these? And these? And these? And these?

And these? And these? And these? And these? And these? And these? And these? And these?

And these? And these? And these? And these? And these? And these? And these? A little bit kind of I don't know. It's just weird. It's just like or hatred or even people that want to spew hate Yeah, it's like what what the fuck? Yeah, it's crazy Because it used to be like this. It used to be like all right You go to a comedy show the comedian offends you you leave going I'm never gonna go see that comedian again. Yeah, or I have a problem with that venue, right? I should go to a comedy show and knock it offended Right, but I'm saying there are some people that I'm sure got offended

But then that was it. Now it's, now it's, let's go after his job. Let's go after the club. Let's find out why. Let's attack him and let's get the people that believe in us against him on social media. And then it's an attacking thing. Instead of that person going,

hey, comic number two really fucking offended me with that, you know, handicapped joke. Yeah, but you would have to, the reason why it was better back then, you would have to really be offended to write a letter and then mail it and wait for a response that you'd never get it. Now, it's on Yelp and they have the power.

They have the power. I mean, look at the stuff with the red hen stuff, right? That with that girl, that lady did the restaurant in DC, right? Yeah. She would, she kicked out, the restaurant in DC. Yeah, right? She kicked out what's her name? Sarah Hockabee. Sarah Hockabee and her family. And then went to the other, okay, fuck her, right?

But these people went to Yelp and just destroyed the restaurant, right? And it's like, they've never been there. They've never, they don't even know what the food is. There's a chef, there's waiters, there's sous chef. Who has no control over what's in there? No control with this fucking lunatic just did for whatever reason.

And it sucks because she is crazy that she did that because it's like, first of all, okay, she's eating here. Who gives a fuck? All right, but don't go across the street, say hey, be polite, hey, can you just take off? You know, but in this time, and what she did is gonna affect everybody that works at that restaurant, the restaurants closed,

they fucking shut it down. Is it closed? They had to shut it down. They had to shut it down, dude. They were getting death threats, they fucking, I mean, that's what happens. Look what they can do to your album. If you say something, if you go and you don't play the game,

the way everybody wants you to play it on both sides, they can just go and fucking attack you. It's on a thing and leave you bad reviews. And they never even, and the funny part is if you go, you can tell some of the reviews, they were faking that they went. were just like yeah dude. I saw some you know some the kitchen didn't look clean And it's like goodbye You know and man. I thought I heard a rat Yeah, I'm getting fucking I just want to stay home when people yeah when like people can't go into any somewhere

It's like I understand like if people don't like what you're doing, but it just seems like it is a little much look Yeah, I mean it's a little crazy. Don't you think Yeah, this is a Crazy times a little and definitely it's fucking crazy times it is it really is and speaking of crazy times One way to get out of crazy times is if you spend a 30-year life in your sheets, Gary. A third. A third. I wish it was just a third. Gary, does she therapy? Gary, you weren't told about sheet therapy. Gary, well, Brooklyn has the best sheet therapy in the business. I've heard about this, I've seen that.

Oh, I have my bag. Really? Oh my god, I swear to you. You love your bag. They sent me a pair and then we bought a pair. They were so good. I have a big, huge king bed. I have a full size.

What? Listen to this. Okay. Full size. I'm 6'6". Yeah, you're 6'6". Today is 5'9". I have to use the Pythagorean theorem to arrange ourselves. I'm six six. Yeah, you're six a shot. A is five nine

Have to use the Pythagorean theorem to arrange ourselves For bed I wake up in the worst My back why don't you get a hammock? Small New York bedrooms are I should get a hammock your ankles are hanging over right ridiculous my ankles at the end of the Why you just make the room all bad? I don't get a hypotenuse of that That triangle I wake up miserable She's right now they make a big difference in how you sleep. Huge difference because you look forward to it.

Yeah, start getting a better sleep, Gary. If you had better sheets, you get better sleep. And this is how you do it. Up great, you're a nightly routine. Help you feel more well-rested every single day. Twil, I love twil. Let me tell you something. I have these sheets.

You get into bed. They're just why you whisper it because it's sexy. I'm sorry, that was one of my sheets. I have these sheets you get into bed Yep, they just why you whisper because it's sexy That was one of my lead in as you were To Robert Kelly's war stories back in that when we were first starting off He would tell a story and he would get he would bring in with that whisper and I would just be giggling like a We work together as waiters at an Italian food. That's how we I had some good stuff close and man didn't he have some stories I got a whole hash tag me two stories back And then I pulled out now they were not they would know I'm kidding

No, I'm kidding. I was like he's kidding, but but let's go back in a minute That's all I got done. I mean I took my dick out. She said no, I said come on. I mean really yeah I'm on the rock and Marble end no I said come on. I mean really yeah, I'm on the rock and Marble-end No way! You know that story? I knew she, yeah, it's a gloomy on a rock for a nice cream But I didn't know that she's got a house in it. I didn't know that you tempted the raptor. Oh I tempted her Oh yeah, I took it out she was like, what are you doing? I go, come on. What no it was the T-Rex that they threw. What the fuck come on. The they threw a goat out.

Yeah! That was a T-Rex. No yeah, I remember, I remember yeah, I mean I mean what'd you do to get your wife? What'd you fucking I didn't pull my cock? I'm gonna come at You did a promise. No, I didn't so what did you do you did first second third base? Yeah, like I would we would you went out and dates in the city and I would you know We would drink and then on the car ride home I would try them, you know making out doing that okay, and then one thing, you know, we would drink and then on the car ride home, I would try them, you know, making out doing that. Okay.

And then one thing, you know, let it go. No, one thing, you, so you went, you went first base, second base, third base, home play. Yes. I like kind of did it that way. Yeah. No way. I did. I never, I got to be honest with you.

I heard a lot of guys talking like, you know, that used to be the move. The move used to be take your dick out in the car on a date. Yeah. And if the girl, and I'm like, I didn't, I never knew that. I honestly never knew that. If you, let me get through this booklet and add. Yeah, maybe no. Listen, what's the, me too is mid-add, maybe we,

that was in parentheses. I was getting it by myself. Listen, it was founded in 2014 by a husband and wife team who did the same thing you did, Versi, for a second and third and then home. Oh my gosh. Very traditional relationship, Vicki and Rich, following their advertising. And now, come on, this is, you make love in these sheets.

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I like when you put promo code pro when you find something you want and then you go search. Oh promo code and you get one that works. It's like fuck I got one that work for 50% off once no I almost shit ducks Because a lot of them don't work a lot of them don't work a lot of motion duck. Yeah I never heard that expression. Did you coin in that? No, I just did. I thought I could tell that was a no one, but you went for it. Great one.

That's shit. Docs. I want to say something. I want to step back to this hashtag me too thing or the way we used to meet girls. I find it hard to believe, Verzy. I would tell you if I ever pulled my dick out on a date and go, hey, you know.

You never pulled it out and like Are you kissing you're making out and then all of a sudden you kind of just take it out and she touches it and she You let her that's different. Just if I'm if you're on a bed and you're already making out and clothes are coming off, right? Then it's one thing it's one thing What about Z 28 with teetops? Yeah, you're going two different ways. You're like, are you hot and heavy? You had to zoo.

Like, it's different. I'm not gonna fucking a hand joke with a zoo. I'm gonna fucking fuck the monkeys like that. Then we look it over at me getting a hand job there and they're fucking eating leaves. Fucking their cousins. I'm not doing that. So you can do the garrily. You know why these hippos aren are the king of the jungle

Gary yeah, you've done that What do you have a new pilot coming out? I know it's a I know it's a thing. Oh really so you're a gentleman I mean you've been you never ever had your pee pee you let them pull it out When is when is it what do I teach Max is what I'm trying to learn? I know Max is gonna learn a whole and I'm not get it expressed written consent Like a video next it like with thumbs up next to my kids cock. Hey, I'm Kathy. It's okay Shouldn't use Kathy. That's my mom's name. I'm weird It's okay. Shouldn't use cactus my mom's name. How weird.

Hey, I'm Megan cousin. Max has such an advantage having a dad that you know around. Yeah, that's true, but a lot of guys have dads and they still do fucked up shit. I think they're, I mean, I'm gonna have to say listen, you don't pull your penis out no matter what. I always always let the girl do the moves. Yeah, let the girl do the moves. Yeah, let the girl do the most so let the girl let the girl initiate because then you know Yeah, then you then it's not even so you make it out. I don't think there's I think that the idea that Even even our fathers were brought up with that the woman likes to be

Dominated dominates whatever this those days are over. Yeah, the dress and the color I don't know wait though I mean the the number one movie in the country was 50 shades of gray. Oh, geez. All right So holiday over when every every book I mean if I could show you my iTunes Wow my my my books. I went there one day. It's it's it's you know fuck lost lust living Passion of 50 shades of gray is fan fiction. Did you ever know's what Dixie's Dixie is fan fiction. Did you ever know that? What do you mean? That it's Twilight Fan Fiction?

Oh yeah, Twilight Fan Fiction. Is it Twilight Fan Fiction? The Wired Wired Wired Fan Fiction. Yeah. That's what you got known for. Yeah. Eyebooks. I mean, my wife wants to meet a fucking killer.

I mean, basically, I mean, I'll read some of these. You want me to read, look at all these. Where's my glasses? These are the five, I go on my, I didn't even know this, because I never used the book thing. All right? These are the fucking, the player. The player, the rebel. Uh, uh, the cunning, uh, the explosive.

I don't know. They don't sound that bad so far, actually, the cunning. Cunning? That's bad. Nobody wants cunning. How about heart of God learn it leaping hearts he sounds like I want to order me novels actually but look at the fucking thing I mean look at this

these are the wicked the wicked the top of the what the romance or the or the just I just got all these books these are the books that don't have the weight of the wicked the endangered the fucking Don reads crap. Yes And she wants to be fucking choked in a shower with a hose Well, I mean what are you what 50 shades gray was, I mean, did you see it? How do you feel about that movie? I never saw it.

But you know what it's about. Sure. How do you feel about it? I don't know, I'm not into BDSM. Is that, is that what it's all about? Yeah, right. What about the movie? Are you talking about the movie with the secretary?

What do you think about that? What is the secretary? You never saw the secretary? No. How do you call yourself an actress i read a couple scenes you did yeah so you know what it's about yeah so you what you do not feel comfortable giving your real opinion on this no i'm just not into bdsm yeah but what but that but that type of things seems to be popular with a lot of women

regular women that aren't into it my My wife isn't really into it. Of course I'm joking. She doesn't want me to, I mean, I hope not. I hope I don't come home with a fucking plumbers choking her in the fucking pack. You know what I mean? She got my fucking wooden spoon. And he's smacking on the ass with it.

Yeah. Making fun of what it is. Yeah. The fuck is him? Hit me harder with that piece of shit. Yeah. Break it. I want you to break it on my ass. Oh my god. He did it too. How's his thumb? No part of the mario. He'll make that fucking idiot. He will make a new one. Yeah, part of the part of the the eroticism is criticized. Your handiwork. Okay, he cut his thumb on it.

I got a bit on that about how I don't understand certain fetishes and the one that I don't understand is the insulting. What? The insulting fetishes, one that I don't, like if people want to dress up or the people want to do that stuff, like I'm not in it, but there are some people that want to be just like

insulted and like said that they're worthless. This is Rickles. What are you doing, your bag? Stop slouching. I'm kidding. I love you. Get over it. Touch these balls.

Get on the ground. Pick them up. I'm kidding. I love you. Don't wake up. That's like a thought. But that's what you're saying is right. Because with this me too stuff, women that are like, I want you to. That's like a thought. But that's dope, but that's what you're saying is right,

because with this me too stuff, women that are like, hey, I want you to come home and just take it. It's like, you know, you know, or just, you know, grabby by the fence like, no, it's a scary thing. And because here's the thing, let's say she was like, I want you to be rough with me. Let's just say the woman in your life want you to be rough. And you make up, you leave a mark.

Fuck that, dude. Fuck that. You don't even need that question. Wow, I don't know. I think maybe she should give you a pass if she was she asked you to come home and That's that percent of that word. Well, I mean well, I know it's because some but it's still a fucking scary Yeah, heartwork got fucking his shows taken away because he had some kind of cookie relationship with this girl I mean gone Shows are gone. Amc said. Nertus said goodbye.

His network that he started learning. Yeah, he got paid millions for it. Oh, okay. But today, I mean, imagine, you know, I mean, people just backed away from him because every is petrified of it, you know? I mean, I guess, I mean, you kind of hit it on the head. It sounds, because sex is such a fucked up thing with us.

It's so, I don't know, necessary or so part of being a man, fucking and sucking and getting laid, that maybe it's not that big of a deal that we made it to be in that, you know, he can, he doesn't, you know, you don't show, you don't show somebody you ding-ding. And if you're gonna take your peck around, you make sure that she's cool with it. And double make sure. You can't show you, you don't show somebody you ding-ding. And if you're gonna take your packer out, you make sure that she's cool with it.

And double make sure. You can't just, I mean, no one ever caught me. I mean, that's a little hard. What are you gonna do? You don't take it halfway out, you sure? What are you gonna do? I mean, you're gonna do it. I mean, you're gonna do it.

It's coming. How many times? Fair warning. I mean, I had a girl one time, scary. I had this girl at my apartment here in New York, where my first move here, and she was into being choked. She wanted me to choke her. So, I'm making out, and she grabbed my hands

and put them around her neck and squeezed them. She's like, you know me. And I'd start to choke her, and then she started to cry. And I would stop. I stopped. I'm like, well, I didn't, and she's like, no, no. It's just, you know, no, I really like it. I just, I mean, that's crazy person though.

I know, but I don't, and then I, I'm just starting to kiss again. And I got to the point where I was like, you need to go. For me to tell you, you need to go, you're nuts. She was like, it's a fucking nuts shit. You know what I'm saying? I'm done, for me to go, listen, this is getting weird. You're

a fucking an alie. You came to my house on a ship because you know I've done some I was like you got to go but I was petrified. That's back then. That's 20 years ago. Whatever the fuck it was. 18 years ago. I mean I mean I get what are you gonna teach a kid? Like I said, I think I'm just gonna let him know like how, do you know that that's like a really fine line and he needs to let the woman kind of really initiate. I think that that's the way to do it. And luckily though, and this is true about me, I was always that guy.

I was always the guy that was afraid to, I was always the guy that was afraid to do something. Yeah. You know, I, yeah, like if any, if there was any kind of like, I don't know, I don't know Lear signals. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was always a guy that didn't want that. So I, hopefully my son and I'll instill in my son that like make sure, you know, that she's, my mother says yes and is into it. I got to the point where my move is I would take girls back to my place and just get fully naked. I did that a couple of times.

And they'd be like, what are you doing? I'm a little, it's my apartment. I like to be naked. Yeah, like that's, I would never, I mean, I'm like, I would never do that. And what was their reaction? Did some of them... I'm gonna walk it and immediately grab my deck. Really? I'm immediately. Wow. I'm immediately gonna fuck it. I just come up and start making out. And what was their reaction? Did some of them get to work and immediately grab my dick? Really?

Immediately. Wow. Immediately go fuck it. And just come on, we'll start making out. Wow. It's almost like, if you know, look. Yeah, not one, I've never had anybody go, no, no, I mean, once in a while, I mean if a girl was like, look, I don't want to do that, stop it. I'm in, I'm out. I'm out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I mean, look, I don't want to do that, stop it. I'm in, I'm out. I'm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I mean, look, I was 25 back in the day. Right, right. You know, Bobby with high heels. Yep. And then she was 30 something. But she says, no, it's like, oh, all right. Let's just get to know.

I locked the door. Let's just watch Purple Lane. I locked the door, guys. There's no saying, no. No, no. That's what I live with the mentally handic door, guys. There's no saying, no. No, no. That's what I live with the mentally handicapped guys, remember that?

Yes. They were right outside the door. You haven't seen the me, it's either this or that. Don't get it, get it. Yeah. No way. No, we, yeah.

Yeah, I mean sex was way different. I think it was in the 60s. People were just the fuck all the time. Yeah. I mean, think about this. In the 70s. 70s just fucking dude. Fucking in the 60s, people just the fuck all the time. Yeah, I mean, think about this. In the 70s. 70s just fucking dude, fucking in the park. And the 82 was when I was so paranoid about STDs.

That's, well 82 was like when HIV first, AIDS started to hit. And then that's when everybody changed. AIDS had to be the government going, look, you guys gotta stop fucking. I mean AIDS had to be some but we're the fuck You think the 60s and 70s all the fucking just unprotected just jizzin on each other that we were doing with all the hippie shit and People just fucking fucking couples were fucking key parties and I mean just fucking everywhere and then aids comes out and everybody just

Fuck just that had to be the government Oh God who was like I settled down put you dicks away Hopefully it was neither What God that would be No, I don't know what's either I was just Traumatic. What AIDS? Actimons. What is it now?

Remember what Retrice was like, AIDS has behind the music now? Oh, he was like, cause AIDS ain't shit. I was like, man, yo man, back in the day, I said. Ah! That's the craziest thing about Magic Johnson, cause when he announced it in 91, everybody thought he was done. Everyone thought he was done,

cause that's when like, easy e-guided and he went rest just six months. Six months, you know, and magic, just, you know. Yeah, how's that happening? I'm not mad at him. I'm not mad at him. He's got money.

Well now you have antibiotic resistant strains of syphilis and things like that where you get that, you put on a list. What? Yeah, what's the thing? What are you saying? Antibiotic resistance syph a list. What? Yeah. Oh, it's a thing. What are you saying? Antibiotic resistance to encyclists? What does that mean?

It means that antibiotics won't cure it. Like you just have syphilis from that on. They have like maintained it. You can't be cured of it. There's ads on park benches. You see us? Well, for what? For anti like gonorrhea that doesn't take antibiotics anymore.

I was so glad I'm not fucking anymore. I was so glad. It's on benches. It's on benches. Yeah, I'm so glad. What's on benches? Like ads. Because I feel like you're gonna get gonorrhea

and we can't cure it. Wow. Yeah. You can't cure it. And that's how people, I mean, people going insane from that, right? Sipilous, yeah. Sipilous. Yeah, it makes you go fucking nuts, right? Yeah, like alcapone. Oh God

I'm so glad my dick is just a way. I can't get any crazier Must have sucked to go out like that though. Oh my god, just be the guy alcapone, but he was like 30 Yeah, something ridiculous like like that I just look at that and I'm like I wasn't even out of my parents I was a third this guy's running shit yeah he's running stuff he had to be on wasn't he older started an entire crime said again I think he went to jail like 29 so he was done with his Alcatraz yeah I think wow. Yeah, what was he? We're gonna, well, frustrating everybody. A 30 look so much older than.

Yeah, he does look old. When did he die? For you, it's 48. His 48 died, but his seven year reign as Crime Boss ended when he was 33. Seven years, 33. The Beatles of Crime Bosses. Wow, look at it all that. And he's fucking movie fat.

He's TV's movie fat. He's not real fat. You know what I mean? Like he's Dom Delewese fat. Yeah. You know what I'm fat of the Nalca poem. That fucking man, I want to cry. I mean fucking know that my whole life he's been fat of the name.

Now I'm fat of the Nalca poem. Fuck me. Yes, but you'll out live him and you can. We don't know that. You can lose the weight. I'm fucking 47. Alcapone fuck me. Yes, but you'll out live him and and you can we don't know that you can lose the weight I'm fucking 47 he died in two years It's great eyebrows Great other good eyebrows. He's got great lips to look at those fucking lips. Click on that photo Alcapone's go look at those big lips those fucking big guinea walk eyes

Look at those looks like. Those fucking big guinea walk eyes. Look at those. Looks like he's just, he's got eye shadow on. Look at that. He's got a watch on. Imagine that glue. Those little fat fingers he's got too. He's got. Imagine that.

Imagine being that motherfucker. Dude, 26, just running shit. Just running it. Running it. Then get syphilis. Then you fucking die in jail. Insane. God damn it. Wow, what are you gonna do? How do you get syphilis and then you fucking dying jail insane God damn it. Wow, what are you gonna do? How do you get syphilis?

Sex sticking your dick in a dirty vagina. Oof or vice versa, baby. All right, whatever I know I was just telling it how I would yeah, I know I know I'm a pig women get shit, too I know you can get I'm your syphilis just as well as you and you can give it It's equal we're equal need syphilis just as well as you and you can give it. It's equal. We're equal on syphilis I'm kidding. I'm not fuck you Anyways, all right, let's wrap this I got I got a show where what at the fat black at 11 Oh, we're gonna wrap it up right now on that. Anthony, look at Gary gum and look at Paul Verzi. Look at the Gary gum.

You do. I'm gonna fucking bring you a little fat owl way. Yeah, he's one of us to leave. I know. We'll stay on his. Vers, you're the best. Are you hanging so much? I got after the show.

I got to take off tonight, buddy. Yeah. But I'll be headlining the punchline in Atlanta, Thursday through Sunday, this week. I was just in Atlanta, dude. You gotta get the bird app. The bird app. It's a bird app.

Just download it, scooters, all over Atlanta. Okay. And you just scan it, you jump on a scooter and take it wherever the fuck you want, and then jump off and then get another one. Oh, that's it. Okay, that's it. Okay, that's it. Yeah, I used them all in Atlanta.

I didn't get an Uber one night. I just, my hotel, I jumped on one of these little scooters, took it to the gig, popped off, unscanned it, shut it down. I came out of the gig, I just jumped on, I lied. I got Uber's on the way home. Cause they shut it down. Well, my hotel's next to the place, so I'm in, whatever.

I'm just saying, get a bird out. No, yeah, maybe during the day. I'm not going to, I'm not going to lie. I'm never going to use that. Well, he did get hit by the car. I did. I got hit by the car. Did you?

I got tagged a little bit. I deserved it. I'm 47 on a scooter in Atlanta. I should be walking. Yes. July 5th through the eighth. I'll be at the punchline. And I'm very excited about this.

I will be headlining Gotham Comedy club August 10th and 11th. Come out to those shows two a night, 10, eight and 10 both nights. So yeah, this week in Atlanta and August 10 and 11 at the Gotham comedy club. Check it out. August for the buddy. What's that? Thank you. Okay. What? August, or do I like it? This is August. I mean, do I right here? No, no. August, if you go to August 10th and 11th. That one, also. Okay, all right headline it you fight. That's great God I love I love yeah, I'm excited I'm excited good for you, buddy. Thanks coming in. Thank you, man next week Next week are you don't you can't fuck me. I'm making all these plans. No, no

We're going you bet enough comedy the night before no I've got a fucking triple theater. No, no, no, no. I won't. You bet. I won't. I will not call you the day before I can't, I'll probably cancel tomorrow. Dude. I got the whole hike plan. You bet.

I know what you're going. Yes, we're going. Look at my schedule, though. Anything on the 12th day? No, you got nothing. Look at me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes. Because it's I know I'll get you.

You're fucking. Look at me. I'm going. I'm going. We're fucking I know look at me I'm going I'm going we're going we're going we're going Thursday night Thursday night I mean yeah I mean now I'm gonna fight with her if she says no because I'm saying I looked at him you look me in the eyes yeah I know I know so you're gonna let me go what she's gonna let you go yeah yeah she'll let me go for one night one night we leave the day we hike up We make camp we stay okay spoons and then we come back love you buddy tomorrow. I see you later buddy

I'll see you over there. What okay? All right? Great seeing you Paul Gary One of the funniest guys on the planet. I'm telling you we talk about you everywhere I go people bring your name up That's nice to hear man. It's nice to hear, but it's a fact One of the funniest guys out there I'm telling you I

Can't get anybody to say anything different. Oh, wow. I mean you can't I mean it's great. I mean one of the one of the nicest guys one of the funniest guys That's better to hear I'm one of the nicest guys., you are everybody loves you buddy. That's a great ass. That's a great fucking asset Thanks. You're you're a fucking great guy and you're the one of the funniest guys out there I really love that you came by tonight. You want to smoke a cigar? You got to go What time I said I'll tell you all right almost 11 o'clock. See it's my anniversary my four-year anniversary with my girlfriend at midnight so I do that do that I'm gonna give you a cigar., thank you. Take with you. Oh, I'd love that. I'm gonna tell you which one. You ready? Oh, fuck, someone's gonna have to pick that up.

I got one shoe on. Remember what we used to smoke together? Yeah, well, I do. And I actually I have one of those I brought it is in the car. It's a punch double Maduro. Yeah, we used to smoke a punch Rothschild. To Rothschild, double Maduro. We would put a box together, yeah. Box of 50, they just brought them back. Oh, wow.

And I bought a box and I had one for you. It's in the car and fucking fell out of here. But where is this right here? Okay, here we go. This one right here. It's an oval. Oh, my favorite to guys. I know you love these. Thank you so much. You's an oval. Oh my favorite cigars. I know you got these.

Thank you so much. You're gonna love that cigar. So, generously, thanks. You're gonna love that cigar. That's a good fourth of July Stoke. That's a great one right there. It'll take you nice hour and a half, two hours if you fucking suck on it right.

But I told my wife, July 12th Austin. I just came from Cap City. Well, that's already gone, right? What do you like? No, it's coming up. I was just there. I actually love the room. Yeah.

What are we fucking pausing for, right? I don't know. Do you love it? Oh, yeah, I love Cap City. The audiences are awesome. I've never played there. I played there this weekend. It was fucking great.

Terrific, yeah. I murdered, right? Yeah. Amazing. Uh, yeah, you got the early show, early, we get all early shows. I don't know Yeah. I murdered, right? Yeah. Amazing. Yeah, you got the early show early we get all early shows. I don't know why it says that, right? Web guy has made a mistake. Yeah, he made a mistake. So Cap City, great club, then you got Greenewood Village. What is that? It's a comedy works. It's a suburban room for the comedy works in Denver.

The sub the outside room. Yeah, not the outside room. Yeah. Not the downtown room. Right, not the downtown room. Yeah, I love that room that Lady will not book me ever again. Really, what happened? I know why I'm gonna stop this. You know what? I'm gonna sick of me. I apologize.

I do this every fucking week. I feel like Voss, I'm just making about me. I don't know, that's okay. I apologize. No, I do every fucking week. Don't let me do that again, guys. Okay, okay. Well, I love that room.

They haven't used me. Why the fucking asshole. Okay. Okay. Bring it. Oh, I love that room. They haven't used me. Fuck an asshole. Fuck those guys. Yes, fuck that. Comedy works Denver one of the greatest rooms in the fucking country. And then we're going to be up at Jess Phillips. We're going to smoke cigars.

What you're doing, you're one hour show. Go to ha ha ha.com to buy tickets for Gary Gowman's one-man show right the fuck now. There's my nasty show but go there right there. Go back to the website. Stay there. Ha ha.com. If you can find it real quick. That's for my Montreal show. Yeah. Yeah. Go to his, I mean if you haven't seen Gary Gowman live, it is one of the, you'll sit there and you'll just be like oh my god when it's done you like that was fucking I haven't seen that or felt that and so long His fucking his you're almost like wow

Well, I mean I don't know if it's just because I'm a comic, but it makes you feel shitty about your It really does you like a fuck I got gotta fuck it. I gotta write better shit. No, but Bobby, I watch you and I say the same thing. I pull up my notebook on the subway home when I watch you. Because I'm like, I need to. Don't do this, don't do that. No, no, no. No, I need to, I need to.

You're doing good, keep doing your path. No. Don't be so loud, don't be act out shit so much. Don't push the joke. No, you're such a master. Well, listen, no, please, just take these compliments. Don't act out shit so much Don't don't push the joke No, you're such a master. Well, we'll listen. No, please just take these compliments I already did it at the fucking Denver works there made it all right. Yeah, so make sure you go check him out He's got a bunch of go to Gary Gullman dot com one of the funniest guys and nicest guys in the world What are you doing for July?

It's my anniversary with my girlfriend, so we're gonna go on off a brunch. Oh nice. Yeah. I'm not sure. I'm a little bit... What you get a bigger bed? I don't know. Tell me if this isn't true. When you grow up poor, it affects all your purchases, your entire life.

But you're not poor now. Right, but I still have that mentality. Yeah, because you're sensibility. Yeah, but you should have a, at least a queen bed. You're absolutely right. You should have a least a queen bed. And it's not for you. And I told Colin Quinn this too.

He had a king size bed. I go, listen, you're fucking Colin Quinn. Yeah. You're Gary Gohmann. Go get a king size bed. I go, listen, you're fucking calling Quinn. Yeah. You're Gary Gohmann. Go get a fucking king bed. If it takes up the whole room, that's where you sleep. That's not where you read a book, you go to bed. You're fuck, that's it.

You want to fucking sit down, you want to sit with a lamp going the living room. You want to have some breakfast going the whole room should be bed. Cause everything you do in there is lying down or on your knees, okay? It should be comfortable. So get your dresser, get it the fuck, get your nights in.

Horse shit in there, you never touch. Gone, hang a sconce. A sconce. Tell the lamp to beat it. A sconce. Tell the lamp to beat it, get a sconce and fucking get a big bed and get some Brooklyn and sheets. That fucking comfortable.

Closer. All right, buddy. Yeah, what do you got, baby? You could listen to my podcast with Katie Hannigan called Apod Calibs, Apod Calibs scenarios. It's really great. And then just check out my Instagram. At Gabby is Brian on my website.

Thanks for coming yesterday, too, you guys are great. Yeah, of course, it was so fun. My kid loves this girl. I love him. He's like his Gabby coming. I'm like, yeah, she's coming, relax. Love's Gabby. But I'll tell you this, deserving so,

because Gabby and Becky, fucking phenomenal, with just everybody, but the kid was great. So, I was so, yeah, you guys can buy it. I'm so fighting, man. Yeah, it was awesome. You come to the next one too. You don't even have to ask. You always come.

And Mike, you too. Me should ask, but Gabby, you come. No, I'm kidding. Mike, what do you got? Next Wednesday, we're all gonna do you doing the fat, why I put the cat? Yes. So, what we're doing that show.

Gabby, you should come down. I'm gonna do a spot next Wednesday. Next Wednesday. Yeah, if you're around. Yeah, I don't think I'll be around. Okay. Yeah, I what we do in that show. Gary should come down. I want to do a spot next Wednesday. Next Wednesday. Yeah. If you're around. Yeah, I don't think I'll be around. Okay. Yeah, I think he might be in captivity.

Okay. Well, maybe. All we do is kick that six week as well. Mm-hmm. And then I'll actually be opening for you in San Antonio next month. May. Yeah.

Oh, great. Yeah, we're back to hand. That's right. That'd be great if Gary just nullified that. Tomorrow, Mike said, he doesn't, what? I he doesn't what I'm not work. I'll be right Working with me. I don't I don't see how but but when he opens up his eyes in that way to imitate that I will I see how More credits than me you should never have more plugs in two of them were years

I'll be you never have more credits than me. You should never have more plugs in What are you two of them? We're yours. Sorry Are we letting the improv in Santoni at the end of August also so please come to that kill for you buddy All right again go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and support me over there We got a great stuff going on Zach. What do you got Zach? Then you got every week you guys are the best fans in the world Thanks listen to the great show. You know what dude see you next week You've been listening to YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs

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