Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #540 | Raanan Hershberg & Matt Braunger | Movie Nerds

Episode Date: June 23, 2024

This week Bobby is with Raanan Hershberg & Matt Braunger, they talk about movies, being Jewish, bumping comedians and more! FOLLOW Raanan https://www.raananhershberg.com / raanancomedy FOLLOW Matt https://www.mattbraunger.com / braunger Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order at https://www.sheathunderwear.com with promo code DUDE Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

But that era, I remember there was a there was a big thing where people's like hot actors were trying to do stand up because of Dane's success. Oh, like their agents and their manager were getting these bookings, like getting the phone and then trust me, he's working on it. Just lying. Then the guy from Seinfeld ruined it. I said hot actors with respect. Michael Richard, original crowd were clip. He started it all. You were the one. If he did that clip now, he'd be famous.

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promo code dude with one you get sheath underwear support the show Support your balls. Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now We're back. You know what dude live welcome everybody to the show Started social media and podcasting. The facts. The YKWD Dude Podcast. YKWD's back again. Home school, back in the day,

where it all started before them all. YKWD, YKWD. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, help, you're ruining this. Where's the barbana, man? Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. It has no rules. God, how can I help you ruining this? Where's the bomb gonna, man? I'm sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR.

That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. The original. The original. The original. The original. The original.

The original. The original. The original. The original. Welcome everybody to the You Know What To Podcast at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous Comedy Cellar. We're back.

Do me a favor, you're watching this on YouTube. Click subscribe. I don't give a shit if you're ever going to come back again. I just want you to subscribe button. No. Of course, like, comment, all that stuff. But you can go check out the extra podcast we do every week. You want to support the show if you're a fan of the show, which I hope you are.

Go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and become a member of the Patreon. I think it's five bucks. You get an extra episode. You get all the questions. You can ask the guest questions, all that stuff. Also, make sure you go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. My specials up there for free and all my dates and everything's up there. That's where I'm going now. We got a special show tonight. Two guests, not one, two. Danny, who do we got? We have Matt Bronger and Renan Hershberg. Hello. I haven't.

The place just lit up. Fucking dude. I wasn't used to this guy introducing us. I thought you were about to do that. No, I let them do it. Okay. I let them produce. You're like, who the fuck are these people?

Someone tell me. I fucking know both of you. I know both of you. OK, I let them produce. You're like, who the fuck are these people? Someone tell me. I know both of you. I know both of you. I've toured with you. Yeah. And I mean, you were friends in L.A. Where did we find I forget where we met again. We would just randomly.

No, no, no. Somewhere we met on a festival or so. Oh, yes. The first time I think was was a South by South by Southwest. Yes. We hung out. Over 10 years ago. 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me and you hung out. Yeah. We did a show together. We did. Yeah. It was fucking, what was it called? Stingy. Molly.

Molly Ringwalls. Panty Wads. Panty Wads? Yeah, Panty Wads. It's right there on 6th Street before. Just put me in this memory. No, no, no, no. What's that place called? It's like a vaudeville theater. It's Molly Jesse's 6th Street before. Just put me in this memory. You're going very left. No, no, no. What's that place called?

It's like a vaudeville theater. It's Molly Jessie's. Something, yeah. What the fuck? We're backstage. We were both on some weird, like I was on one of those dirty shows with you. And I'm like, what am I doing on this show?

I'll tell you what they did. Because it was laugh button. When they got in, they were always in. They were always in at that festival. And they were like, we want, you know, me and them were always fucking around with shit together. Sure, sure. And they're like, we want, they were, you know, me and them were always fucking around with shit together. And they're like, oh, you want to do the show? And that festival was kind of alternative, you know?

And I was like, look, if I'm gonna do a show, I don't want, they gotta know it's a rated R thing. We don't need to be, you know, pussy, sucking, dick, come all over your face. But I just think psychologically, if you say it's a rated R show or dirty show, when you're not that dirty, and it's just regular dirty, they're actually like, oh, this is good.

But the people won't come to it too, that you don't want this. And you're not any. No. You were like. I was going through my books, like, where's my blue shit? Gary Gumbel was on the show.

Yeah. It was like the most regular show ever. He's putting bombs in his jokes about Oreos. Yeah. Fuck it. Fucking goddamn abbreviated fucking states. So this content. Great, delicious, great fruit.

Fucking vile. Fucking stupid Massachusetts. It's hard to curse when you're doing observational stuff. Because if you start cursing, everyone's like, well, why do you care? Mm hmm. What do you mean? Like, like, OK, what do you have to keep it clean to do? Because there's an innocence to it. Right.

So the minute you curse. Yeah. You would be the kind of person to be like, well, I don't give a shit. My my thing was always I literally had a guy in college, this black Rastafarian friend who used to call me Ramicus because I would randomly cuss. I would just throw an F bomb in. Just out of no, and I don't know where it came from. I wasn't trying to look cool. I remember being in his mom's house for Thanksgiving,

and I was like, just a table of people. And he's like, these yams are fucking unreal. And you can just see them all church folk, just stiffen. Like when my dad would yell at me once every four years, but he promised us. Yeah, that's a lot. It's a lot. My kid swears now. Oh, really? They just said bitch on the phone. Now, what do you do? I mean, like, I mean, this is so strong.

The level of hypocrisy of you telling him to be clean. I can't. Like I say, I say to him this. There's a time and a place and you're a, you're a young kid. You can't just swear willy nilly. Yeah. Every once in a while. Like when your kid's racist, you're like, there's a time and a place. Yeah. Fine. Look around. That was another talk. People look like you. Yeah. Look around. Make sure. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he did say there was a, there was a really, there was a gay guy on TV and he goes, dad, that guy's gay.

Right. I go, listen, you can't just say that you don't know what somebody is. Right. Right. Right. I go, you have to come up with a code word. Said somehow where he's in. Fist terminology. No, no, no. He's lighting the stop. This guy's a dad. This guy's a fluff. Right. We know we do this. Ready? He'll do this. We were watching a TV show last night. And he goes, dad.

Huh? It's my wife. That's the grandpa way. It's funny. It was gay. Before we could just say gay, it was all just suggestive. It was all like, he's a little light. And he's low-fers.

Right. Yeah. One of my favorites, by the way. I mean, it's such a great way. He's a little, you know. And then there was this. There was literally this. Yes.

Just this. Yeah. What is that? It's, uh, he was this. There was literally this. There's a little bit, yes. Just this? Yeah, and. What is that? It's, he's on the fence. He can go this way or go that way. It's like, it seems like that'd be like, this is straight and this is like, eh.

This is straight, this is gay, and this is like, you like it from everybody. Yeah, right, right. You just sit on the fence and do this. I feel like this should be the bisexual gesture. I'm seeing like a neon, like the Marlboro man with a cigarette, like a hand that does this outside a gay club.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be so, there's no words. Just know that's the symbol. That's such a gay guy. All our guys, Marlboro man was totally the, he should be the village people. Hot, like hot, handsome cowboy. I remember my history teacher in college

was like this ex-football coach, just like, you know, real, you know, alpha, you know, big time guy. And he, he would talk about the village people and just start laughing like modern history, you know, and just be like, it's, it was to him, it was the funniest joke that was like, they're so clearly gay, but all these guys he was like drinking with were like, wait, no, there's a cop and a cowboy. A proud brave. Yeah. From India. It's also a costume. Yes. They didn't go to the Academy.

They went to Ricky's. Everyone knew, but he would just laugh at the guys that didn't. I didn't know the Village People were gay. Oh, well, you were a kid. Yeah, when I was a kid, I just thought they were a fun band. Wow. Were they all gay? All 12 of them?

All. Dude. Every single one. I have all gay? All 12 of them? Dude, every single one. I have a older gay friend who's made out with the cop or the biker. One of them. Like long time ago. Back when he was young. Well, he's got to finish that list.

I was just like, come on, work your way down. He's got to work. He's got to buckle his mouth. Find the ones that are left, the remaining Beatles of gay disco. He's got a fucking Native American and jack off a sailor or whatever. There was. A construction worker. Funny enough, there wasn't a sailor.

Well, there are no sailors. No. That's strange. You'd think there would be a sailor. What's there a Native American? Am I making that? Yes. There's an Indian.

You get the headdress. Yeah, you can't do that now. Not even them. Well, it's not an occupation. Everything else is like an occupation. And then they're like, Native American. That's a job, right? Yeah, but it was a fucking Italian gate gate from the Bronx.

With respect, the sailor outfit is the gayest military outfit we have in our military, with the bell, bottoms, and the little sash, and the hat. So honestly, Pilot looks a lot like that. Pilot kind of looks like a gay Navy steamboat captain from the 1800s. What do you mean, a pilot? Like a pilot on a plane. They're kind of looks like a gay Navy steamboat captain from 1800. What do you mean, a pilot? Like a pilot on a plane.

They're kind of like a Well, that whole thing in Top Gun, that volleyball game. Right, right. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that was gay. And now you're watching, you're like, fuck. Yeah. You put any music to that and it's fucking a party. You put Kenny Loggins playing with the boys to that. Then that's. Wow.

That was gay, like ancient Greece gay, where it's like just strong men having fun together. Yeah, when it was good to be gay. Back when having sex with a woman was gay. Yeah. That was downtown village of Sparta. Manly gay, yeah, manly gay. Spartan volleyball. You know what, we should just fuck.

Yeah. But in Greece, in ancient Greece, people would be like, where you going? I'm going home to my wife. He'd be like, fucking queer. Come on, fuck some little kids with us. home to my wife. He'll be like, fucking queer. Come on, fuck some little kids with us. Let me blow you.

Don't be gay. Don't be gay. Because there's like a male friend thing. That was where they got so manly. They had to go beyond manly. When you butcher up too much. Yeah, when you get over the edge. It's like, dude, I want to just suck a dick and be a man.

Being gay is the least gay thing. Because it's all about being with a friend as close as you can. It's far away from women. Well, there's also the penis in your bum. Yeah. That's the part that I would get, you know, hard to get past. Yeah. I mean, I'd try. I think gay, if you think about it, are like definitely the most oppressed group through history. Because if you look at any other like group in books and movies,

they at least were mentioned. Like the first open gay character was like Will and Grace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything else was just like they just suggested in a book. You can I mean, like from 1500s or Jewish characters, they'd be called the Jew and they'd have like, you know, horns, but they were at least you could say Jew. Like you couldn't even say gay. I was in. You magic being a Jew gay. There's a special oven for them.

There were I mean, yeah, there were some gay Jews in Auschwitz. They're like, which one am I here for? You know, what put it over the edge? You know, there's a whole there was a whole conspiracy theory that Lincoln was gay. Yeah. Yeah. Go get a high pitched voice. Well, yeah. But he also wrote letters to a dude. Which is pretty gay. Oh.

And then someone tried to like, Lincoln's gay. You should see the letters he wrote to a man. I'm like, just the idea that he wrote letters to a man. Case closed. Yeah. I think he signed I love you or something. But everyone was like that. It's so hard to tell who's gay back then,

because everyone would, first of all, write letters to men. And they wouldn't. There was no, it was the opposite of no homo. Don't forget the quill. Yeah, the quill was getting. How do you tell like pre-revolutionary France, you cannot tell who straight and who gay? Because they'd just be like.

You cannot tell. And everyone would just be like, I love you. You're my great. Yeah. There was no like uncomfortability. No idea what the sexuality of any women from that era was. Didn't like all the like they didn't they all have like side dudes like it like the princes like all these.

Oh, sure. There was just a side dude that you rubbed you down. And so much power. It was like I'll try it. I mean, I'm just bored with these women. So I'll try a boy. You could be fairly openly. I mean not open but you could be gay and everyone knows in like France and like the 1900s.

Yeah, everyone knows but no one say anything. Right in America. You had to hide it a lot more. Yeah, you had to hide it because it was a Christian religion. Right. But in France, like the straight guys are all wearing makeup and they can't say anything. You probably were less cool if you didn't hook up

with a guy every now and then. Back in that day, you had to wear wigs. Yeah. You had to do a lot of gear. The powder. You had to put powder, wigs, lipstick. One mole. One little.

Just one. One little silly mole powder, wigs, lipstick. One mole. One little. Just one. One little silly mole like Liza Minnelli. Silly mole. I was talking. French is so, yeah. Your friends would climb you so bad if you didn't have the right silly mole.

So funny imagine. On side, Pierre. So funny imagine a homophobe back then. Oh god. Complete mascara. Losing his mind. Just like fucking gay people. On these buckle shoes. Hold on, is my lipstick right? We all wear mind. Just like fucking gay people. What happened on these buckle shoes?

Is my lipstick right? We all wear heels? Justing his wigs. Putting his little high boots on. These pants are too tight. Yeah, the idea of like a guy being gay and being on trial and everyone there just being in wigs is so funny. You know, like, not the same era, but Oscar Wilde.

He was on trial for the love that Dare Not Speak His Name. And they're all in fucking wigs and robes. You know he was losing his mind. Yeah, Oscar Wilde. He was on trial for the love that dare not speak his name. They're all in fucking wigs and robes. You know he was losing his mind. Yeah, but come on. We're all gay. I fucked half you guys. Back in the 80s, though, I remember when you would get an earring.

If you got it in your right ear, you were gay. Right. If you got it in your left ear, you were cool. I don't know how we came up with these weird codes of... But were gay people doing that or was that just a way for it We call out other straight man I think I think gay guys would wear them in both or the right right now because it was like but I remember it Was a big thing in Boston, dude, dude The 90s were probably the most homophobic time because that was a time in comedy where just the idea of gay was a joke

You just be like my teacher and I had the hots on my teacher, you know, his name, and everyone was like, that's hilarious. The idea of you being gay. Like, you didn't have to write a joke. Just the idea of homosexuality was the punchline. People would be like, that's fucking... I miss those days. It was a time...

I miss those days. What, you fucking queen? But that's why gay is most depressed. No one's like, what if I was a Jew? No one would be like, start laughing. Yeah, most depressed. Dude, it's like I've had, you know, gay people put themselves down for being gay and for like self-effacing, which I fucking always hate, but it's so much worse than someone who's Jewish when they've done that.

Right, right, right, right. Not now. Like this fucking- I mean, I'm going to get shit for having him on. I remember this guy being like, well, sorry, I'm a Jew. And I was like, don't do that. No, it's funny. No one feels that way.

When they when they say because the when they say gays for Palestine, we did a thing here on it because it was like it's such a weird thing that they're, you know, very I think it was in Minnesota. They elected a guy and then as soon as he got in, he was a Muslim. As soon as he got in, he banned the gay flag. Oh, really? It's like it's like hilarious.

There is like, well, we should. I don't know. I don't want to talk about that. There is. Well, you know, I was talking to somebody. I want to get to you because I was talking to somebody. Someone was at the show in St. Louis, we were in St. Louis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did that rock venue, that big rock venue. Oh, that Ju-On, oh yeah, someone,

isn't that the place where someone yelled? Well, what happened, you got fucked, because Louie, Louie every night, we were on a tour with Louie, and we... This was before he got, I'm kidding. No, like 100% after. I'm kidding. I didn't know before. When when was this tour?

I'm Mr. Judgment here. I found out at the end of the tour. I told them. Signed up again. I was like, hey, want to read this article? Know what he was doing last night? But he was he would introduce he would go on the God mic every night and introduce the show.

But every night he would do stupid stuff, and it was funny. But this night, didn't he go out? I think he went out on stage. Like at first, yeah. So for some reason, he went out. I was like, hey, guys. Yeah, you always.

You can't go out. And then I had to follow him. You had to follow Louis just going out. I just like, hey guys. Yeah, you always, yeah. You can't go out. And then I had to follow him. You had to follow Louie just going out. I was like, come back. Just disappointment. He's like, yeah guys, I know you. He's so excited. That's was awful.

Woo! All right, guys, hang on one sec. I'm going to bring this other dude out. He brought you out. But then someone in the audience at one point, I talked about being Jewish, and Louie has this bit about Schindler's List, the bit about the girl going, goodbye Jews.

And someone just yelled that out because they thought it was funny. But it was just, I was like, that's my time. And someone was like, goodbye Jew, goodbye. And I'm like, but that's. That's me. That's terrible. You're not, yeah. You know, I've seen the Hitler salute a bunch in clubs now.

Where? Governors, which was to be expected. They did what? The guy did a Hitler, I was talking about Nazi. You sure he wasn't asking a question? Hey, real quick. Hey, he's reticent. I don't want to raise it too high. I kicked him out before he went all the way up to here. Get out. No, no, I just wanted to ask a quick question. I'm a Jew too. I just wanted to ask a quick question. My shoulder. I have a ninja shoulder. They gave a hello salute. Well, he was doing it was drunk and he'd start doing it. Yeah. Talking about Nazis. Was his name Anthony?

It was the manager. That place is fucking beyond. His level of sexual harassment is so old school. It's like I'm in Mad Men. I love it out there. The manager, whatever his name is. He's the best, James. I fucking love him.

Anyway, I want to bring my wife down. It's like early Mad Men Oh, he's the best, James. I fucking love him. Anyway, it's like early Batman season, season one, first episode. So funny, because that's my type of dude. I love that guy. I thought what you said. Bobby, come on here. I know one night he gave me my, you know, it was written in pencil, all the tally up.

And he goes, yeah, take a look at that. And then he just put a stack of money in the thing. And he hands me the money. I go, OK, can I take this? He goes, yeah, take a look at that. And then he just took a stack of money in the thing. And he hands me the money. I go, OK, can I take this? He goes, no, I need that. He just took it back. I'm like, all right. Jesus.

I just take what he gives me. I'm like, OK, dude. I avoided him at all costs. I just knew right away there's no way we would ever connect on any level. So I just like, I just like, hi. And I just ran away. Oh, you could have connected on food, movies.

Pick up the Godfather. Yeah, that's true connected on food, movies. Pick up the Godfather. Yeah, yeah, that's true. But so, yeah, he did the Hitler salute. And then he kept on doing it. But I was ignoring it. But I had one of my mom's, it was Long Island, so I had a bunch of my mom's friends in the back. And halfway through the set, I heard this Jewish woman just

go, he's still doing it. And it was one of my mom's friend. I'm like, that's worse than the Hitler salute. Yeah, just avoid being in this. There's nothing I'm like, that's worse than the Hitler Salon. Like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. There's nothing I can do about that guy. Yeah, so stop yelling it out. Yeah, oh, that was worse than the Nazi, yeah.

The only thing worse than a Nazi is a Jew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because the Nazis say the same thing. It's a circle. I just felt so like a child.

He's still doing it. Oh, that was brutal. I hate what like. You should have did it back. I just felt so childlike a child. He's still doing it. It was brutal. You should have did it back. I hear you. I had a joke from one of my specials about people sick highland at a Trump rally. It wasn't about Trump at all. There was one guy in the picture that I saw that looked like he wasn't even with them. He could have been wasted and was trying it for the first time.

I was just doing him going back to work and being a nice friend, being like, hey, man, you've seen this. And he's like, oh, has Mr. Schwartz seen? You know, is the dumb joke. It's like a chick like that. Right. I was a girl urban street being like, should I? And she finally shows her tits and the pictures go off and then her family.

I miss those days. But I mean, but when kids are on TV, remember that? They just had commercials of chicks whipping their tits. And they sold it. And we were just like, yeah. All you want to do is go to Berman Street and see tits. Sure. That's the dream. I wonder if that still goes on.

It does. They'll arrest you, though. Oh, they'll arrest you now. Yeah, like, you just got to make sure a cop's not around. God damn it. I know it's ridiculous. It stinks. Public drunkenness is fine.

Public nudity, no. That was the whole thing. You got beats for showing your tits. Right. But it always be a bunch of college kids holding up some girl that they know. Do it. She go, all right. And then it's just be a black hand would come up and just shake her titty. Some dude that just waiting for a tit to come up and just grab her tit and shake. Yeah. These days, if tits are out, it's not the tits you want to see.

These days, it's not it's a protester like his 80. Oh, God. It's out or something. I really wish protesters would get hotter. Some fucking some weird nipple. Isn't there like they say they're all what? Crisis actors. Who's casting because you know for the bullshit. I need to get my sag medical. I'll do it. I'll jump in.

Yeah, we did that tour with Louie. It was that was a fucking great tour. That was crazy. Yeah. We wound up at some point. I was like, Louie, we should, you know, fuck the hotels. Let's stop at these national parks. Oh, we were we were all we were in a trailer. We were in a trailer. No, it was our tour. Oh, the tour of the what the fuck?

You didn't get canceled that bad. It's a wagon. Horse. We're a station wagon. It's a wagon. Horse drawn wagon. It was a station wagon. It was an insane fucking rock tour bus. It was beautiful. It was Gashel and Pune's Christmas vacation. We're just in a station wagon. Yes, the green station wagon with the siding.

We were on this massive tour bus. And we wound up going to these national parks and just pulling in this big huge tour bus and parking and doing barbecues. Yeah, I would cook. That's great because I could do all that shit. We cook, we hang out. We went up stopping in the Badlands. And people were so mad at us

because it's all like trailers and campers. And then this fucking, you know, Van Halen pulls up. Yeah. We took up like three spots. Sure. That was amazing. Badlands was great. I kind of got mad at you and Louie, though. What happened? You got mad at me every other day.

I can't keep track. Well, you're a little annoying. But because you guys you guys hit it off on this other level. And they would talk movies all the time. And we're in the Badlands. Have you been to the Badlands? OK, it's like the crazy. You can see the fucking galaxy turning.

It's wild. So I'm sitting there like they're talking movies and they get into movies. No, you know, I mean, it's it's mind bending. Yeah, because they know the directors, they know the fucking APDP, APAs. They know every single aspect of it and the nuances of the thing. And they're talking. I'm just like, I don't remember who's in it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And I'm just like, all right. So I take my chair and I move to the middle of this field. And I'm just looking up, smoking a cigar, watching the galaxy turn. And then they were like, meh. And they walked over to me. And then they stand over in front of me. And I'm like looking at them.

And they just start talking about movies again. I go, hey, fuck face. Why'd you come over here? Look up and they both went, oh, that's beautiful. And I was like, yeah, we'll sit. And then they finally set up, but I was so mad. Why, you gotta be able to talk about movies anywhere. You know, bad lips.

You do, you do. I'll be on the moon talking about movies. I know, you really love movies. You have a movie that you just self-produced, right? I'm making, yeah. It's a 22-minute movie, but I raised, yeah, I raised like $34,000 I'm going to make in August. That's awesome. You're directing it.

Yeah, co-directing with my buddy, yeah. Co-directing with your boy. What's it about? It's a thriller about a caretaker for a guy with dementia. And one day he's listening to a song, an old song with a caretaker. She's like a middle-aged woman. And she's like, you remember this song? And he just out of like listening to a song, an old song with the caretaker. She's like a middle aged woman.

And she's like, you remember this song? And he just out of nowhere is like, yeah, the song was playing the night I strangled Rosie. And it's like she starts wondering if he may have killed someone in the past. So she just starts kind of like investigating it. And that's a great idea. But he's like an old guy with dementia. So, you know, so it's a comedy.

Comic twist. But it's not actually a comic. I know. So that's not actually a comic. I know. So that's weird that your first thing out is not as a thriller because you love movies. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've written a lot of screenplays with my buddy and this is just one we wrote, a feature that we thought we could condense to something simple, just a caretaker and a guy in his house.

I mean, we have comedies too, but- Have you ever sold one of them? No, I've never sold any. Nothing? No, I mean, I was paid to write one, but not really sold. That's so hard, writing stuff and just having it be there. Yeah, just nowhere. Because writing is the worst. Yeah, it took us a long time. Well, we like, that's the thing, we like writing and dreaming and shit,

but it took us a long time to be like, let's actually make something. I'm like 40 now, but now we're going to make something. That's great. Oh, I mean, dude, I'm almost 50 and like, I be like, let's actually make something. I'm like 40 now, but now we're going to make something. That's great. Oh, I mean, dude, I'm almost 50. And like, I still like my wife reads my stuff and she'll just be like, I would change it and like, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. But it's so much better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because she reads a thousand scripts. My wife reads.

She's from Boston. Everything. It's good. You see? I could write anything. Very nice. It's very nice. No, it's good. I like it. It's good. You should do it. Oh, that's how it works.

Can we go now? Yeah. I give her everything. I actually just gave a script I wrote with somebody to, it's the worst, because I gave it to, I waited and I picked the person I wanted to give it to. And I gave it, I gave it to two people. One of them was Louis. Yeah, I figured.

Never heard back. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Never. That's common. I mean, it was like, I'm still waiting. And it's like, when do you make that call? And then if you make that call, are they going to be like, no, I read it.

You just. Okay, great. Yeah. You just have to. The equivalent of, hey, I saw your show last night. OK. Great. Yeah. You just have to. The equivalent of, hey, I saw your show last night. And you keep walking. Yeah. What the fuck?

You look good. Tell me I suck. When you're talking to someone bigger, you just have to accept. It's not like other people. If it's someone on your level and they ignore you, that's a problem. Right. But if it's someone bigger, you just

accept that it didn't happen, that you didn't mess it up. And then you see them and everything's like normal. You can't bring it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's another guy I gave it to. It's been a month. Yeah, yeah. And this guy's like in the business.

Yeah. And I sent him a text too, hey dude, just checking, no rush. I didn't mean it. That's a funny text. No rush, I don't know why I'm texting this at all. Yeah. I don't know why I need to tell you no rush. That is half of all showbiz texts. Hey, no rush. Move your ass. at all. I don't know why I need to tell you no rush. That is half of all showbiz tests.

Hey, no rush at all. But but rush. Hey, something thumbs up, thumbs down. Yeah. An emoji. Yeah. I said Louis short film I made nine minutes. Got no response. Nothing. I felt like a nine minute short film. I saw him, you know, he doesn't bring it up, you know, whatever. Do you bring it up? No.

Why? Because you just have to accept that. Well, I don't know about him. I don't know how busy he is anymore, but like. You've got time now, fucker. He's like, I'm like, you are. He's like, retired from comedy and he's not responding. But anyway, but I think like you just accept that they have a lot of shit and they miss it. You know what I mean? I don't know.

Well, it's also, you know, some people get a ton of shit and it's just like, just don't look at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I have a friend who says, say you'll look at it. True. Don't say. Absolutely. I gave it to I gave it to Colin Quinn. He was like, I love it. You should do this. You should. That is rare. Rare kind. Rare breed. Yeah, that's another guy who's written so many scripts. I read one of his scripts.

He wrote a script on the border before the border shit happened. It was all about ice and all this stuff. It was fantastic. It was great. And and it's like it never was made. And I just don't get this. I don't get the business. I don't get it because now it's like this is what they want. Here it is. Make it. And they just won't. I don't get it. now it's like this is what they want. Here it is. Make it. And they just won't.

I don't get it. You live in L.A. now. I think it's going to be like it's going to have to make a like a huge sea change because I think even, you know, fucking lunch box lunch bucket Johnny in the middle of the country is sick of quote unquote I.P. They're sick of Star Wars 17. They're sick of Inside Out 12. They're sick of all this stuff.

Prequels. Every other movie's a fucking prequel. It's so funny that people are, oh, sorry. Like this casting director I auditioned for, she came out and she's just like, my daughter's almost four. And she's like, oh, I just saw Inside Out 2. And I'm like, how was it?

And I wanted to be, how, and she's like, every fucking preview was a goddamn property. Every fucking preview. It was just this thing. She was pissed. Cause it's just like, how many more. They self-destructed with their like, not having anything original.

Yeah. It just fucking, it got to the point where it all fell apart. It's just hedge funds that own everything being safe. Because they want to make a cruise ship out of everything. Right, right. To extrapolate a long, long way. But it's just. That's a long way. It's a long way. Not past the theme park. It's also a a cruise ship out of everything to extrapolate a long, long way. But it's just a long way.

It's a long way. Past the theme park. It's also funny to me that they made a cruise ship out of his nine minute short. Yeah, it's very cruise ship worthy. Are you on the Toy Story 4? It holds 80,000 passengers. Are you on the Lonely Jew?

I wish that was a property. But they're also like, I don't know why movies and theaters aren't doing well. And then you go to the theater, it costs like $25. There's now about 20 minutes of not even previews, 20 minutes of TV commercials that just are depressing and make you feel like you haven't left home, which is then 20 minutes of previews.

By the time the movie starts, I legitimately forgot what movie it is. And then the movie's IP that that's four and a half hours long, and it's a remake of a prequel of an origin story answering a question no one asked. No one asked, no one wondered what Wolverine was like at four, you know what I mean? But they're also making movies that they think people want instead of making something that we don't know we want. Exactly. Well, that's the best start. The best start is not giving them what they want, giving them what they need.

Our whole job is give people what they don't know they want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me tell you about this horrific shit I took. Right, right, right. Whatever. You know, where they took it. I didn't see that coming. Right.

You know, it's too big. I didn't see it coming out of you. You're right. You talking dirty every once in a while. Switcheroo. Shocking. But that's why comedy shows are typically pretty full. Because people want that shit.

Like, what was this? The dude from, one of the guys from Oasis just made this great point where he's like, you have all these people that are like, let's find out what people want. He's like, fuck them. They're cunts. Don't tell them.

They'll tell you. He's like, there's a reason why fashion houses come out with new shit all the time. They never ask anyone. And then everyone dresses like that in a year. Yeah, I agree. It's like, there's a reason why fashion houses come out with new shit all the time. They never ask anyone. And then everyone dresses like that in a year. Yeah, I agree. It's like that same thing. You need these parties.

I mean, we actually, most of us dress the same exact. I mean, I mean, we're all wearing. No, we're a bad example. We just fucking button down a cookie. I don't think you were referring to us. No. But like, you know, populace at large kind of thing. Yeah, of course.

I mean, like you shouldn't ask the masses anything. The wrong the masses are wrong. They followed Hitler. They're wrong. A lot of people didn't. I mean, I can't believe what's happening now with all this crazy shit that Jewish people are fucking. I don't want to get into it, but it's fucking it's nuts to me. New York City and colleges.

What's what's acceptable right now? Right, right, right. For Jewish people. I just never thought us that are feel unsafe to be a Jew in Brooklyn. Yeah, like it's it's like I feel like I don't know. It's just a weird thing for me to grasp, knowing that, you know, like you see these videos of people on trains and he's Zionists in it. Like a Zionist is what I'm like, what the fuck is that?

The fucked up thing about that word is that each I hate only when I say side, but there's like five different definitions right now that I'm like, no, let's break down. But there is only one definition. They just changed it. Yeah. Right, right, right, right. The definition is that just Jews having a homeland in Israel, it doesn't negate the idea of Palestinians having a homeland. I agree. But it's just on the shitty side.

That's it. I'm so good. Just on the not good side. But people who, there are people who don't believe that, who are completely anti-Palestine. No. Yeah, of course. So there's horrible. There's horrible. People on all sides. They don't call it the dusty side over there.

And there's horrible people on all sides of it. You know, I mean, we're solving real issues. Movies is real Palestine. We're just really doing it. But I do think like that when people are like anti Zionism, it is like consulting because it's like if you think all Zionism evil, like Yitzhak Rabin died. Yeah, you guys pick the wrong word. Yeah. Zionist sounds like it should be in Star Wars. You know what I mean?

The Zionists. I think of like Lauryn Hill, her son's name Zion. Right. Right. Right. I got to be fucked up. We're like, how can you be anti my boy? My child. Yeah. It's all words don't mean anything anymore. And everyone's kind of the big thing now. We're like, how can you be anti my boy? It's my child. Yeah, words don't mean anything anymore. Everyone's kind of the big thing now is everyone's like, I care so much more about this than you. I'm going to use words incorrectly.

That's like, that's how you show you care more. I'm like, I care so much more. I'm going to use this word incorrectly. You're like, well, that's the wrong word. It's like, you only realize that because you don't have as much empathy. You know, but yeah, but whatever. Now you can all agree Netanyahu cool guy. Are you?

It seems that I mean, he talks nice. It's not great. Yeah, it is perfect that he said people follow Hitler and you're like, well, I'm just trying to get, I don't want my, I don't want my kid to say motherfucking cocksucker in public. That's all. Oh yeah, dude. I know. You have kids. Yeah. One. Yeah. Girl. Yeah. I used to live in LA. You love it out there. Love it. Dude, I just saw three kids on scooters in Tribeca and I was like, how, how does this kid not die? Yeah. Like the four same age as my daughter,

just like scooting down the street. They die. We just don't care. Make a new one. Yeah. Yeah. And he's just like, you know, I was just texting my wife. I was like, Jesus Christ. I can't imagine. My daughter's wild, man. You know, she just like, she's almost turned four in August. So do you live in the suburbs kind of thing? I live in Los Feliz, which is like just South of Griffith Park. It's like really livable, but like it's still got you can walk to fun stuff and it doesn't. You have a backyard and all that. What is not? Yeah.

Like I got a back deck and I got you have a house. Yes. Oh, that's see, I can do L.A. If I had a house. Yeah, the thing that really fucked me up in L.A. Unlike New York is that the apartments in New York. I don't know. You just in it. It's almost a box. You don't have to see people. In LA, you'd have an apartment and your front window, people walk by to get to their place.

Yeah. So every five seconds you'd be like, I had that and it's like, ah, and then they had that dump pool that nobody used. Right. Yeah. Right in the middle. It just, it just made me feel like I was part of some cult. I don't know.

I moved into this place after my now wife and I broke up. And like, it was like huge. No, no, we're good now. No, this is back then. We're good. Never. She leaves me. I'm sorry you got back together.

Yeah, you know her. Yeah, it's the worst. Oh, you're not married now. Oh, yeah. But at this giant glass window. And there are these kids that lived in the building. They were like 20-something. And I'd be just at my dining room table writing and they would walk by sometimes like wasted and be like, Hey, he's right

fucking there. There he is. Yeah. They like my stuff and it's flattering. It's like, I'm not a bear. Yeah. The cage. Yeah. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't. I actually had the girl moved in next to me and I'm watching my TV one day and she walked by and then she came back, knocked on my door. Hey, can you turn your TV down? It's like, go fuck you. No, this is my area. Fuck off.

She's like, maybe can you shut your door? No, fucking go shut your door, you fucking loser. And then I got a dog, I snuck a dog in, we weren't supposed to have dogs, but the guy was like, all right, listen, if you're sneaking in and going, so we snuck this little tiny dog, and then she got a dog, because I got a dog,

and then I had to move. Dude, I moved. Oh, because there's too many dogs in the place? No, it's just like it just, all of a sudden everybody just started getting dogs, and we got fucking ratted out. I'm like out of there. And then we moved to Culver City, which is the wrong part of town.

And I didn't know that you had to be a blood to Culver City is super nice now, but like it's it's like where the all where the Sony lot is and stuff. But like it's I go to Culver City. I get lost. Yeah, I get lost. I mean, it's gorgeous. I mean, I think it's like I like it way more than New York. I just know people in New York and I don't want to make friends. Well, I'm I'm right now in New York just to get on stage. Yeah.

Well, that's because I'm free time and stuff. The stage is better. I get stage time in LA sometimes like I get a decent amount. But like it's also there are those times where I'm just like, wait, there's just nothing right now. Yeah. LA is always like nature and meditating. New York is for like getting better at it, but also getting mentally unwell. Yeah, but getting mentally unwell is part of getting better at it.

Because I feel like for me, when I went, I lived in LA for two years and I became like just a regular person. Yeah. And all of a sudden I was like, I told you and I became like a just a regular person. And all of a sudden I was like, I told you, I told this story before. Patrice stayed at my, my apartment for like two weeks. And at the end of the two weeks, I was barbecuing chicken on my little grill, on my little patio that everybody has that little balcony. And he was like, you know, you got to move. And I'm like, why? He goes, this is the best barbecue chicken I've ever ate. He goes, you're a cook. You're not a comic.

Because I wouldn't even go to the clubs. Oh, really? Yeah, because you couldn't. I remember one time I went in there, I got bumped five times. But it was like bumps I couldn't eat. It was Adam Sandler and everybody he knew. And then it's just like all these famous people rolled in.

You know, other than like the Laugh Factory, that doesn't really happen. The bumping doesn't happen? No. I mean, it'll be like they're. Because people are in. You know, other than like the laugh factory, that doesn't really happen. The bumping doesn't happen? No. I mean, it'll be like they're. Because people are scheduled. People are scheduled. And also, they don't do the thing as much,

where they show up and then move you. I remember like Dane would do that all the time. Yeah. Who? Dane Cook would bump Pete, would get there, and he'd just go long. I was just joking. They're like old friends, or they started together.

You're like, Dame Judi Dench? Is that what you think? Yeah. They're like old friends or they started together. You're like Dame Judy Dench? Is that what you think? Yeah. They were improv troupe. But when I moved to LA 20 years ago. I swear to God, Dame bumped me one night. I finally said to him, I go, can you not bump me? And he was like, dude, I got to go on, man. I got to get home. I went, I'm staying with you. You're driving me don't do 45 your house. Like you have to wait here for me anyways. And then you should have bumped people that you're like started with. I think that's like I don't know.

I wouldn't I don't like thought about bumping in a long time. Now, when I moved in LA, when I moved there 20 years ago, it was it was constant. Constant constant. When I say, fuck. All right moved there 20 years ago, it was constant. Constant. When I was like, fuck, all right. So and so showed up. They're gonna do an hour. It wasn't just Dane. It was a lot of people,

like a little handful of people that could just drop in and be like, I'm going up. Right, right, right, right. I think like, honestly, clubs are basically kind of being like, no. Really? Well, because even, you know, Chappelle will call ahead. You know what I mean?

Right, once Chappelle's calling ahead. Like, new people who are big and new, like Matt Reif. Right, right, right. He won't bump people. He'll be scheduled. Yeah, be scheduled like everybody else. But I mean, when I lived there, the bumping thing was so annoying to me, because you'd

be so excited to get a spot. Oh, I hate that. And then you'd get bumped. And they'd be like, OK, you have to go on. You get like five minutes now because they have to end the show. Or they bump you to another show. You'll probably be 2.30.

Yeah. Probably. We'll see. Hang out. Hang out. Hang out. Yeah, it is just completely unacceptable. It was awful.

It's not. It was like you're just allowed to fuck over people. Yeah, I mean, they used to do it here at the cellar once in a while. They don't do it that much. But it was, yeah, I got bumped one night by all the Waynes brothers. All 12 of them. All of that's great.

I got bumped one night by all the rocks. So good. And then Sherrod, who was technically one of the rocks. It was fucking nuts. How many rocks are there more? Are there three rocks? Well, there's Chris Rock, Tony Rock, then Jordan, Jordan Rock. And I think there was another rock at one point. And then Sharad's one of the rocks. And just be like, can only Chris bump me?

I don't think the other ones should be able to bump me. I don't accept Tony more. Yeah, bumping is yeah, it's fucked up. But that era, I remember there was a there was a big thing where people's like hot actors were trying to do stand up because of Dane's success. Oh, God. Like their agents and their managers

were getting these bookings, like getting the phone, then trust me, he's working on it. Just line 13. Then the guy from Seinfeld ruined it. And the guy, no, I said hot actors. With respect. Michael Rich, original crowd work clip. He started it all.

You really, you were the one. You know, if he did that clip now, he'd be famous. He did it before you. Yeah, no, they did that too. But those guys would get on stage and eat shit. And it was the wildest thing. They'd eat it so bad, I would find myself feeling bad for a guy with perfect bones. You know why that was though.

I'd just be like, why do I feel sorry for this handsome man? These are famous actors or just up know, just up and coming. Up and coming. They found out, they did the same thing. Guys that were never went anywhere. Famous actors did that with movies. Cause remember there used to be movie actors, TV actors. And then they would, they found out that,

oh, you can make a lot more money being on TV going for 10 years on a, and they would make $250,000 an episode. Vincent Afria, all these people, Law and Order. So they started doing TV. So now it was just mixed it up. They did the same thing. And they shoved all of us down.

We're under the ground. Because TV used to- We're with mimes. TV used to make stars. I know. And comedy, they did the same thing with comedy because they would be on these sitcoms or whatever. They're like, oh, you can go make fat. You're not doing shit.

You know, because after acting, after the thing, they do just get an act, go on the road. And you're going to make 30 to 40 thousand dollars a weekend. So people just come out and see you. They don't even give a fuck. Yeah, I had somebody. They came to me and said, hey, will you write this guy an hour? So that because he's going to start touring and they and you'll you'll middle for him, but you'll go up at the end. And so they wanted me to headline at the end, do 25 minutes at the end. You know, those are middle but closed.

They did that. They wanted. What did you say to Jeremy Piven? What happened to me twice? How many that fan was one of them? Oh, really?iven. It was happening to me twice. Happened to me, Dat Phan was one of them. Oh, really? Yeah, they wanted me to go up. Dat Phan would go up in the middle, do like a half hour, and then I would have to close the show.

I was like, go fuck yourself. I'm not fucking middling at the end for whatever money, shit money you want to give me. The other one was, who was it? The guy who's the host of something now. Wild N Out. Nick Cannon? Nick Cannon was doing an hour and they were like, hey, do you want to help him punch, not write it, but punch it up and then you'll do.

And I was like, nah, I'm good. I don't want to, I have a hard enough time, right? Punching up my horse. Yeah. I'm not going to fucking make you all. You're a comic. I can't see you. Do you write for anybody?

Have you written for people? No, no. Do you write really good jokes? Oh, thank you. Because like I have anybody? Have you written for people? No, no. Do you write really good jokes? Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. I apologize. I apologize.

I've never had a job like that. I have friends who write for like, you know, Jeff Dunham or like, you know, but like, you know, I'm just like, I never get, he doesn't just hold them and concentrate real hard. I like Jeff Dunham. It's his puppets who are racist. No, sorry. Concentrate real hard. I like Jeff Dunham. It's his puppets who are racist But it's like I just never even had a rep reach out no I'm just I mean, I'm also not an amazing joke writer, but I think it's that don't thanks But like it just on paper, you know, right, right. I can't imagine doing that now writing an hour

No, it's too hard to come up with your own. Yes. It's too hard to come up with your own Nick Cannon getting into his fucking head? Yeah. Like, how does that even work? Well, I mean, I think it was not the hour. Maybe it's punch up or go through what he's got and fix it or make it better or whatever. Just imagine trying to write jokes about having 22 kids.

Listen, a lot of it. You have to watch him do it, probably, right? Watch him do the hour and then take notes and be like, don't say that. Don't do that. I would love to. You know who did that, though? Richard Jenning the hour and then take notes and be like, don't say that, don't do that. I would love to. You know who did that though? Richard Jenning.

Is that his name, Richard? People wrote for him? Oh, you wrote for other people. Well, he had a guy come around with him. His opener was his guy who'd watch his act and be like, all right, this, that. I know a lot of people that have. Like helpers.

Helpers. No, I don't mind that. I'll be fine. You have Jim and Janine. Yeah, yeah. You know, like she'll just be at the back and kind of, they collaborate. Right, right, right. It is a job just be at the back and kind of they collaborate. Right. It is a job. Right. But you should come up with some of it. Yes. Right. A little bit.

Yeah. I feel like there's guys that don't come up with any of this. Some guys out there that don't come up with any of it. Yeah. Yeah. Just go read the jokes. Right. They just have a team of people. Team of people. There are people that have specials come out and it's the special thanks. I'll look and be like, Mike Lawrence. You know, like really good comedy writers. I'm like, thanks for what? Were they backstage getting you sodas? I don't.

Well, you got a special coming out now, right? Coming out when? No, that came out. What's the name of it? It's called Doug. Doug. Why Doug? It's named after the worst guy I met on vacation in my life.

Who was, my wife. You kinda look like a Doug. I could pass for a Doug. You look like a Doug a little bit. And I say it in a special, you know, it's just about the whole bit's about having a kid and like basically like settling down like in my 40s

and just being like, fuck this, this is what I wanna do. And I met a guy who was, and like, I like to have fun. I like to have a couple of drinks, but like this guy was with his wife and had kids and was every time I saw him, he was wet and drunk every single time. And he was obviously, you know, like he judged me at first because he, you know, he said, what do you do for a living on my community? He's like, good luck with that.

You know, and I was like, all right, this guy's one of the people just like annoying. He shits on everybody. You know, my mother, my mother still says that and I'm a hairdresser You're doing that's right. Well, she wants me to cut old ladies here in a house with her There's a well, I don't know and it's just it's the story of kind of me looking at him I think we all need good examples of men in our lives as dudes But yeah, it's good to have a terrible example. Of course. And be like, I never want to be Doug.

Anti-Role Model. And that's the story of me just looking at him and going, I want a kid someday. Not like that. Not like Doug. Yeah. They hated the fact that they had kids. Right. Because they probably had them because their families were like, that's what you do.

That's the best kind of- There's no joy. So his only joy is just being wrecked. Just hammered. Perfect PSA. For like one week in the year. Yeah, exactly. Don't do any of that. And where is the special? That's on YouTube. So his only joy is just But the parents, also I have a special, I forgot to bring it up. Yes, I was going to bring it up. It's coming out. This one's coming out. Yeah, this one's coming out.

Or it's probably out by now. It's out by now. And it's on? It's on YouTube. It's called Brave. I filmed it below or Village Underground. Nice. And yeah, go check it out.

Go watch it. And if you can't type up my name, just so you can go to bravespecial.com, which I know sounds, makes me sound retarded, but brave special dot com. It'll take you right to the to the YouTube. Are you being where you come out? Is that what it is? Yeah, it's about me coming out. You're getting so brave. You come out in Indian outfit.

That one of my favorite toss offs is that on the new David Tell special. He's like my grandmother's 93, whatever he said, whatever age. People are like, whoa, woo. He's like, no need to cheer. She's not trans. It's such a. The line I think about all the time from that

is the one where he's talking about the guys. What are the metal detector guys? The guys who check for. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I forget what their name is, but he's like, you know what you never hear any of them say, I should get home before someone starts to worry. I think he's the one of the best. Yeah, to me, he's like that.

Probably if I got to pick a favorite gun in my head, Dave. He is. And I think the last special he did captured Dave the best. Yeah, because it's hard to capture him. Yeah. He's a live comic. He is. Oh, yeah. There's comics that you can only see live and that's the way you're gonna get the exact, the best essence of him. And we all know it, like every comic knows

that you can't really fuck with Dave. I saw a guy open for Dave at a festival I was in, I wanna say Sketch Fest, San Francisco, and I won't say who it was, but he was okay, he was good, but you could tell he was working so hard. He was going real fast, sweating a little bit, and then Dave just casually comes out. People laughed at the opener, but Dave,

I remember I'm just crying, I'm trying to get my breath back. You know what I mean? Right, well Dave's kind of the perfect, he almost is better when the crowd's bad. Like there's no way for him to do bad, because his whole style is kind of like, you almost want an indifferent crowd for him to like do bad because his whole style is kind of like you almost want like a

indifferent crowd for him to make fun of. Yeah. But he also doesn't care, only cares about being funny. Yeah. Like he goes up looking, it's like, what are you? What look are you going? Like I always like, am I this shirt go with these pants? Uh huh.

And I've got these, I have show sneakers. Dave just goes up in the same, like a uniform. I just, yeah. More and more these days, I overthink what I wear on stage and not even to look cool or like look dressy. I don't wear suits on stage. It's kind of funny. He's like branded himself, but not out of PR considerations.

Oh no. Out of OCD and depression. He's... Yes. I want a black on black on black. With black and more black. Black stocking. And then I'm going to get a ball cap.

I'm going to get a fucking flute. What is it called? A recorder. A recorder. I hate that name. It's the worst. It's a flute. It's a flute.

He really like, this is going to sound really pretentious, but like, he reminds me of Dylan in the way that Bob Dylan has his like, creates his world where there's like jugglers and kind of circus stuff? He has like his own world, David Tell. It involves different kind of kids. It's like a midget and this and that. It's like he's created his own little universe.

And it's like fog people. It's whimsical. Yeah, yeah. He always has whimsy. Yeah, yeah. Fog people. He's just always talking about fog. Oh, yeah.

What's he doing? It's like Fanoia pointed that out to me. Fog talk. He's just always talking about fog. Oh, yeah. What'd you do? No, no, no. It's like Fanoia pointed that out to me. You know, fog talk. Yeah, fog talk. Yeah. He's like created this universe of like back alley. But he was in the fog smoking somewhere, talking to himself. He just created this like back alley world.

You know what I mean? Just like, yeah, he's the best. And your special is out now. Your special is on YouTube. It's weird that, I mean, think about that. In our lifetime, it used to be Comedy Central, HBO. And now it's just you make your own special. It was always YouTube for me and my whole life. Oh, shit.

Yeah. I've always been a YouTuber. Did you try to sell it? Yeah. I actually have another special, a small special coming out on Amazon. On Amazon Prime? Yeah, it's like a, it's a shorter one I filmed earlier this year.

It's weird because back in the day you had to do an hour. Now you can do all kinds of weird shit. I mean, the internet has saturated it in a way because, you know, people are promoting specials. You're like, can you plug my special? I don't want to. I really, cause it's going to taint my, yeah, like,

did you, you know, you always know the reluctant shares. Yeah. They don't say, they just say, watch this. It's just like an order. Watch this. I'm not going to. It's funny.

We were just talking about when you send someone a short or send someone a script and they don't say shit. I literally just remembered a comic. I know sent me a special. It's like, would were just talking about when you send someone a short or send someone a script and they don't say shit I literally just remembered a comic I know sent me a special. It's like would you help me promote this? I was like totally Just never did it Yeah, you're his you're his Louie or you yeah, yeah We all that's the thing the thing about people not getting back to us We can't even complain because there's people that we don't get back to. That we don't get back to.

Yeah, but we shouldn't. What's the difference? We shouldn't. You know there's people you don't get back to. Yeah, but we shouldn't. Why? Because they're not there yet. But the thing.

We're there. We're right there. We're at the level. We can be with you. They're not getting back hierarchy. It's just we're all on it. I know, but here's the thing. There's so many specials everywhere.

It's like, dude, I can't promote. Oh, yeah. Once I got to report. I mean, there was like a three month period where I was promoting other people's shit more than I was promoting me. Yeah, yeah. And I was starting to feel guilty. Like, should I get on a special right now?

I should. Well, it's so depressing because specials are just as much hard work as they always were to make. But they mean so much less. Yeah. They're not. It's the market is flooding. They're not hard to make. Well, if you want it. It's the easiest thing ever. If always were to make, but they mean so much less. Yeah, it's the market. It's not hard to make. Well, if you want to make it good.

Yeah, but you can you can get a club for nothing. Yeah. Back in the day, specials were in theaters, production. They had a big truck out front with wires dragging. Yeah. Being like ready, like making an hour ready. I mean, making an hour ready. Yes. But filming it. No, that's different. Yeah. Can film a special.

Yeah. I filmed my hour now already, yes, but filming it, anybody can film a special now. I filmed my hour after Doug came out, like a totally different hour, and instead just clipped it out and put it online. Really? Yeah, because it was just like, you know, like my wife and I were talking about it, she's like, I just don't think like another YouTube special right now

because you promoted it. I broke my neck for promoting Doug. And like, it, mm, little something, but not enough to move the needle in any real visceral way. So it's just like, do that. And I might take that hour and make it an album, even though I pretty much have a whole new hour now. But like, you know, it's just the thing of like,

it's this impossible world to navigate and take it from like an older guy than you, who's been doing it like the special thing a while and it's just like it's totally different and that's fine yeah you know what I mean we cannot look at it the way we used to yeah don't don't put that in your head but it was special back in the day it was very special yeah it took a long time to come up with the first one. They should be called unspecials. It's like curate it's like working really hard carving a pebble very hard a long time to come up with the first one. They should be called unspecials. Yes, right? Yeah, they're not. Take special out.

It's like curate, it's like working really hard, carving a pebble very hard, and then just throwing it into the ocean. It's like beauty pageants, should you be called pageants. But here's the thing. Because they're letting 400 pound women in them and winning.

But the irony is, a good special is more rare than ever. Yeah. Like an actual good special. Yeah, but you gotta sift through a lot of shit. Well, we've also had our attention span beaten to death. I know. Well, that's a thing. You know, I can't imagine, young people are just like,

so putting my special, it's five minutes, it's on TikTok. You know, like, it's not, they don't even bother with it because they can't even focus that long. And that's like a lost art because like for me, I wanna make an hour long special. I wanna work, to me, a special is about working hard to make it, engaging for an hour. And that's the skill, like that takes a lot of work

So to me, I don't want to do a fucking like 30 minute bullshit You know what I mean, but that does do so much better 30 minute thing. That's why I like that punch up live thing Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I just got on there Yeah But they're great because you're putting it up there and you can charge a couple bucks if you want to I'd rather get less people viewing it and people that want to see me Yeah, and they want to support me. And you get their information, you can contact when you're in their town, send them an email.

I'm glad that somebody stepped up and was like, all right, Patreon, YouTube, all these things are just taking. They're just takers. They're fucking takers. I just put up like 20 minutes of a 20 minute set. I did the improv. I'm like, was this cool? You want to do this? And he was like, great. Yeah, no, I just put up like 20 minutes of a 20 minute set. I did the improv. I'm like, was this cool? You want to do this? And he was like, great. I love it.

No, because you do YouTube. You don't get anything. You don't get emails. You get nothing. Yeah. You're just working for them for free. I also see people get like, yeah. You get comments like, this guy sucks.

Yeah, yeah. And they just get the ad. Yeah, they get everything. And you just lose yourself a statement. You get it all. And then you have to watch some rando get 6 million views. Like, what the fuck? I thought I was watching that clip for someone special. I was trying to watch it. I'm beginning of a special. It was like a liberal guy.

And the first ad was a Trump ad. That makes me laugh though. You can't control over it. I like it. I like it. Literally it's like Trump being like, we got to make America great again. Buy these sneakers. Buy these Trump sneakers. I had ads. And then it goes to him.

It would be funny if Nick DePaul had a Biden ad in front of him. I would love that. Yeah. I would love that. Like a Warren ad. We have to change everything. These cocksucking fucking liberals. That'd be amazing.

Listen, guys, we have questions for you guys. OK. I got. Well, I have a question for you. Are you Jewish, too? No. What are you Catholic? Catholic, Catholic. You go to church and stuff? No. No. Yep. You go to you to go to church either.

Right. I wouldn't go to church even if I was a practice. The church I grew up in, shout out to St. Andrews in Portland, Oregon, progressive, allowed everybody, literally burned down the 30s for allowing black parishioners. So that's pretty cool. In Portland, Oregon, whitest town. But yeah, and my parents were progressive Catholics,

if that makes any sense. But it's still just was like, I can't. Yeah, I can't go to church. No. How do you give your kid like, it's like I don't go to church either. My wife's never been religious. I went to Catholic school. I my mother, my grandmother worked at the rectory.

I grew up in all that stuff. But and I went to a parochial school for a couple of times. But it did give me a moral compass to have and to raise my kid a little bit with a, you know, how are parents doing that now? How do you have a moral compass with the kid when it's like, what do you believe in? At least it was something to believe in,

and you could kind of tweak it to your advantage. You know what I mean? It's always in me to do, you know, don't hurt people, treat people right. But I feel like that's in everybody mostly. Like you don't have to necessarily have a higher power. I myself believe in God, but I don't, I'm not, I don't have the chutzpah to say I know anything.

You know what I mean? I do pray, you know, but like it's, I'm gonna leave it to her and just give her options and go, grandma and grandpa believe this, you know, like, uh, Are you talking about your daughter? Yes. Oh, thank God. I thought you were talking about God. I was about to get so annoyed. Jesus, you are from Portland.

God is trans. I'm going to leave it up to the day that. And like my wife's, my wife's parents don't go to church, especially cause her, her, her dad after after the whole he's from big Boston guy like he like, um, after the whole scandal thing he was like, fuck this. No, I'm never going to church again. I mean the right the right. Absolutely. Second kids. kids did know the company outside of the company where they have like all their top leaders kids with that company.

No, no, they really didn't survive. I guess they took a beating. Yeah, they took a victory. Rectories with a pre-sliff. It's so funny because they fuck the kids in the rectum. Never thought of that. I've never drawn that. Maybe that's why.

I make sure. Listen, check out Roundout Special. It's on YouTube right now. Call Brave. Call Brave. BraveSpecial.com if you want to go right to it. BraveSpecial.com. And your special is on YouTube right now.

It's called Doug. And you're Punch Up Live. Go to Punch Up. Yeah, watch that, please. Punch Up Live. What's Punch Up Live? Matt Bronger. Matt Bronger.

And you're not on Punch Up. I am. I was the OG. You were the OG. Oh, you're not on Punch Up. I am, I was the OG. You were the OG, so. Oh, you're not that cool. I was like the first or second guy. Nice, nice, nice. We got it right here.

Ron on Hirschberg. I got 15 minutes of my special up. Yeah, go there, check him out, support him there, cause he can keep in touch with you, and he can have at least the data and the information of where you guys are. I gotta change my tour date date for somebody that just said, it's Bafia in Illinois. I don't know what that is.

What is Bafia? It's a comedy vault. But I've never worked there. You're not booked there? I've never worked there. OK, it's a fun club. I mean, that's the smallest font ever. Yeah, what's like what the fuck? Oh, you do bands in town, too? Yeah. You know, they're so annoying. Where are you? Where are you going to be?

I can't even read that. You're in Boston at the winery. New York City Winery, July 18th, Boston City Winery. Yeah, July 19th. And Philly City Winery, July 20th. Funny Bone, Daytona. Dayton, Ohio. Is it Dayton?

Yes. I can't read it. It's fucking so small. I've been there recently. Eugene, Oregon, Bend, Oregon, Boise. Yeah. So just go to matbronger.com. And make sure you check out My Dates, RobertKellyLive.com

or PunchUp.slash Robert Kelly. And My Dates are up there. Of course, I'm doing Magoobies. That's probably going to be passed by now. And the Regs are doing the Gramacy live podcast. I'm doing the Music Hall in Portland this summer. Portsmouth, New Hampshire. And Melanie Tent in Boston in August with the regs.

Mike Drop in San Diego. Bunch of dates. Go there, check us out. You guys are the best. We're going to go to questions on Patreon right now. So if you guys remember the Patreon, make sure you go over there. If you want to be a member, just join.

Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. You can ask questions. We get an extra YKWD every week with me and Mush. And you're supporting the show, so we appreciate that. Check out their specials. Check out their websites. And especially, number one, when they come to your town, check out their live comedy, because that's what we do.

The best. All this other stuff is extra. And that's what we do. So make sure you check them out. Guys, where are you going to be? You can follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to Comedy Averve in Summerville, New Jersey the third Thursday of every month. That's my favorite.

And hey, do you like cheese? Well, guess what? I got a whole fucking show about cheese on YouTube. Just type in cheese show. Who the fuck is that? He has a show about cheese. Oh, there's another guy in the room. It's Joe Russell and him and his wife do a show about cheese. I love it. There's another guy in the room. It's Joe Russell. And him and his wife do a show about cheese.

Cool. I love cheese. If you love cheese, you got to go check out the show. It's fantastic. All right, we'll see you guys. You're the best fans in the world. We'll see you next time on You Know What, Dude.