Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Zac Amico
Episode Date: December 6, 2021This week on YKWD Zac Amico Joins Bobby as they get into his new movie from Troma Shakespeare's Shitstorm, being in the pro wrestling industry, starting naked roast battle and more! Learn more about y...our ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Hoy es un dÃa de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el dÃa.
¿Dónde nadie pregunta, ¿dónde viene?
¿Sino por qué no te viene?
Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa en preno, conocernos, y no creer olvida.
Hoy es un dÃa de eso, que Madrid nos vÃa.
Hoy es un dÃa de eso, que Madrid nos encuentra.
Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.
Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la Dición Especial de Madrid nos liga.
Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. Solicitate veca en fundación la caixa.org He's back again. Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm being right, why can't I use this?
Podcast is so fun and crazy.
And there's no rules.
Shut up, you all ruining this.
Break the bar, damn it, man.
I'm so sorry.
It's a comedy podcast.
This is an NPR.
That's the podcast done.
Is there any better show?
This is the original.
Original.
Regional, regional.
S, you know what, dude, what's up?
Fucking fun people of planet earth.
How are we? We're back again.
We're on patreon.com slash Robert Kelly.
If you're a member, you're hearing this for the virgin time right now,
live or at your convenience.
If not, you're watching this on a tab, the fact that you're a tab, and we haven't been
taken down or even in trouble, which is sad.
That means we're not that funny.
So please subscribe and comment.
I won't read them ever.
Even the good ones.
And like, so make sure you do that,
get us out there in the algorithms
because that's what the kids say to do.
Get a TikTok and get into an algorithm
and then you'll be famous and sell out shows without talent.
But I have talent, so it would work in my favor.
Anyways, we're here tonight with a very special guest.
I don't think we've had you in this studio, this right?
We've never had you on, right?
We had you on the old one.
We're over here.
But you never been in the new digs.
No, this is nice.
It's nice.
Zach and Miko's here, man.
And I'm very excited.
Of course, we have mush pulling a Gabby.
Bobby.
Is that what he said?
I think he's pulling a Gabby is what he said.
That's exactly what he said.
Passive aggressively, oh my.
Very passive aggressively pulling a Gabby.
I mean, look, mush, I feel bad for mush because I mean, look,
none of them, nobody was just, you guys, I told you to be in you not on air you just be on the scenes
But Gabby somehow I mean she's got the fucking
Pazazz and she's you know not you know not bad to look at
Much I mean I can't even look your way cuz you look like you have make-up on well ratings are up since she's been gone
Wow
That I think that was that passive aggressive too.
I was regular aggressive.
Oh, okay.
Where would you learn to be such a passive aggressive
content of a human being?
The fuck does that make?
No.
All right, mush is here, mushy mush.
I was a lady at the, Benazin, and she goes,
where's that kid?
I go mush, she goes, why do you call him mush?
I go, have you talked to him?
She just went, oh yeah.
I just walked away.
It was bananas in the house of a guy.
And while it's the new one in Rutherford,
which is six miles away.
Was there anything more depressing
that wall of comics that have been here recently?
And it's like Bob Nelson in the footballs, shit.
Kevin Meaney, you go home now.
Oh, God, you gottaaney, you go home now.
Guys, you gotta take them down.
I know.
It's sad.
Every comedy club goes through that.
At some point, it's all gonna come to an end.
Look, the seller's gonna have to...
There's gonna be a little Mexican dude
with a drill downstairs one day
taking my shit head off the ball.
Putting some transgendered black red head freckled chick
up a replacing me.
You know what I mean?
So yeah, it's sad.
That was, but here's it, dude, I know those guys.
Like Bob Nelson, what were on TV when I was coming up?
So when me and Burr and all the way in Boston,
those guys were fucking on a rascals comedy hour
and MTV, or whatever,
and even at the improv,
which I never gave a fuck about to be honest with you.
I never liked it.
I thought it was uncool.
I thought they were fucking corny.
I giggled, you know, whatever I got it,
but I never gave a fuck about it.
And some people did, I got a lot of trouble for that shit.
Like I like Rogan.
Rogan was talking about getting head on MTV,
comedy half hour.
I was like, that's the shit.
He's talking about how much force you have to put on
a chick's head before it's fucking, she gets mad.
You know, before you kiss her,
let her kiss your nipples,
and you let her kiss your belly button for a little while,
and then just slowly applying pressure. It's like dude. That's fucking genius to me
Not some guy put in fucking potatoes and his shoulders and a helmet
But I will say I'm big Kevin Meaney guy and I love John Pinetto
John Pinet's a murderer Kevin Meaney
On off but still legend especially from Boston one of the, I've seen him kill, I've seen him bomb,
and he doesn't affect him whatsoever.
Yeah, but that idol care song, what he was,
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care,
I don't care, I don't care, dude, I've seen him do it.
Having an energy guy bomb is one of the worst fucking things
because right when they're done. I don't care
There's no notice
Just hear him houffing
All right, wow you got to poke your eye out. Yeah, he was great
He was great all even Bob Nelson was I mean looking Bob Nelson was funny man at the time
I mean is it did it did it hold up? No.
No, you get a mug thrown at him at the stand.
It's like you should watch Angel Salazar one time.
Angel Salazar, man.
I did that gig.
Oh, I've done that gig.
I've done that.
We've all done that gig.
I had to pick him up at his hotel in Boston
and then drive him to the car loans.
And then I had to be the guy when he said,
any bullocks in the audience,
I had to be like, right here, every show.
The fucking nightmare.
To get a hotel gig with him and he goes,
we got any black guys and then he looks and none,
he goes, okay, you the black guy,
I just points to something and then throughout,
but he had prewritten callbacks.
So then the black guy says this. Yeah. Or look, I'm out of the black guy. I just points to something and then throughout, but he had pre-written callbacks. So then the black guy says this.
Yeah.
Or look, I'm not the black guy.
He's just pointing at a chair.
He did that, that'll show I hosted for him.
And the guy's friend was like so mad.
He's like, he's not black.
Every time he did that,
he had to get up and yell at Angel Tiles
and I was like, I'm about to do it.
It's a weird, like people talk about comedy now
is getting very saturated.
I mean, I'm so mad at comedy clubs
for putting cameras in,
because now every fucking person in the world
has a clip of their standup
at legendary comedy clubs.
I can't get away from it.
It's just people doing fucking mediocre comedy
and putting it out there and there is confident
as prior during a special.
I mean, you could hear the empty room.
You could hear the echoes.
There's nobody there and they're just like,
what'd you say?
I'm sucking up like what the-
That should be included in the subtitled videos.
What's that? That should be included in the subtitled videos. What's that that should be included in the subtitle videos audience nothing
They should put it wasn't a real show that it was the the open-white class that they would do downstairs for a while
Whatever the yeah, it's fucked up dude. Look when I did
Jimmy what the fuck what was that show I did not fall in the other one with Carson daily. I bombed and the fucking the
the the closed caption guy wrote light laughter. I mean he wrote it. It's like this guy's
laughter heavy comedies. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, they blow Judy Gold's tits out of the water. She wishes.
I mean, she's phenomenal.
Be credible.
Between her and her end, they have an incredible body.
Oh boy. Wow. Yeah, dude, I got, wow.
Yeah, dude, I gotta stop.
I know some of us may get in the hole, but everybody,
I feel like they're killing comedy,
putting so much stand up out there,
because one guy did it and found success,
and that's what you gotta do.
You gotta get a podcast.
You gotta, no, you don't. You don't. You shouldn't.. You gotta get a podcast. You gotta, no you don't, you don't, you shouldn't.
You're gonna get a podcast, you're gonna get fucking,
it's gonna do good, you're gonna feel great on the rise up,
and then it's gonna plateau like everybody else's,
and then it's gonna be a struggle.
You have to look on the rocks to get fucking fans,
and it's not.
Yes, smash cut to me Friday night ordering cracker barrel
at a holiday in that I performed that an hour before.
You did?
And was too sad to ask anyone to drive me to go get food.
But you're paying your dues, Zach.
You're paying your fucking dues, man.
You're coming up to the fucking ranks right?
You're sitting there. You're writing all of Lewis's funny stuff
Making sure he's popular keeping him. I don't write for I'm kidding collaborate
He yelled at me. I wrote all my stuff had his roasted. Yeah, we know We know
Sit there and Shane and Dan will be
And go that one's. I did write that one. I was like, guys, shut the fuck up, man.
Anyways, I'm gonna get a call from that.
Dude, with the fuck, man.
He is my, I'm in the unfortunate position
where I have to call Lewis my best friend
and he doesn't have to do the same for me.
That's how much he's done.
I am in the unfortunate position.
I have to, I have to, Lewis is my family now.
He's family.
Yeah.
And I should have accepted that a long time ago.
Oh, I still get mad at him for shit.
Dude, I'm emptying out this shit.
We just got a roof done.
It was a leak in the roof.
And how much of the charge?
No.
No.
No.
No.
So we had to get the whole thing done.
So they threw this big dumpster.
If you have other stuff you want to throw,
and people don't know this.
When you get a house to throw stuff away,
it costs thousands of dollars or hundreds
of dollars. You can't just throw shit out front. They don't take it. And then you get in trouble,
right? You have to call the town and they'll come on a day for certain things and it's a pain in
the fucking ass. When they were like, dude, we have a dumpster, you can throw whatever you want it,
dude, we went through everything. We threw fucking paint.
We threw all kinds of shit, aluminum fucking mercury.
We just threw fucking shit in there.
We threw one of fucking baby me and Don didn't want.
We threw all, sorry, we threw all kinds of shit in there.
And then I'm going through this table.
There's this big black table, gorgeous.
Elm, what is that?
What is that place to call? West Elm. West Elm. I knew she'd knoworgeous. Elm, what is that? What is that place to call?
West Elm. West Elm. I knew she'd know. West Elm.
It's gorgeous. It's a thousands of dollars for this table, maybe 1500.
I'm going a little nuts. Yeah.
And I look at it as a scratch down the bottom. And I immediately remembered
stupid scopo and Lewis helping me move,
and they taking the table out
and they're dragging it on the fucking driveway.
They're dragging it and I go,
what are you doing?
And they're like, what?
I'm going, it's wood.
You're dragging wood on fucking pavement.
Are you not supposed to do that?
And I pulled up the table, just scraped.
I'm just like, fuck, I mean, I was right back
to where I was hating fucking.
Don't underestimate them though.
Like, so my dad's a welder and he threw me a few Mexicans
when I moved last time.
All right.
That was his contribution. He gave me three Mexicans for that moved last time. Right. He said that was that was that was his contribution.
He gave me three Mexicans for that.
Right.
And you kept them.
Now you wrestle the Mexican apartment every night.
All right.
He's making up an artist today, boys.
Let's go.
Come on.
From the top rope.
Let's do it.
And they're moving shit out of the apartment.
I go on and say it was one of those things.
Right.
I had a front door in the apartment building that closed no matter
what. Right. And you would get locked out
I go downstairs to like check on them as I'm helping move shit
They had taken my Xbox one and put it in the door
So that the door slammed on it every single time. That's just white privilege. It was that's why privilege though
They don't know it. It was that's a door holder Never been so bad
Just watch but by the way just crap is
They're loading and that that is you get back by this fucking Abby's steel door
That's funny man. Yeah, man. I mean, I love Lewis. He's my family his son is my son's best friend
You know, I've said it before though. He always gets family. His son is my son's best friend.
You know, I've said it before though.
He always gets you to do shit.
I don't know how he does it, man.
But it makes me understand when like,
bands hate each other.
Even though they love it, like,
when you see like system of a down,
it's like guys, just do another record.
And but then like, oh no, we hate each other.
Like, yeah, we've been together in a room
for too long being creative. Yeah, we've been together in a room for too long being creative
Yeah, it makes me understand why one guy takes out a whole family
You know what I mean it makes me understand why why well I just he I
Love him, but he fight I tell you every time I own over the house because do I have a cooking out?
It's a great bring Max over great will cook it out. That's great. Bring Max over. Great. Watching the fights, awesome.
That's great.
Alright, I'm going to the store right now.
I'm like, dude, you gotta get some meats
and get this and get that,
cause I do cookouts all the time, you know?
And he's, you know, he just got a house
this last couple of years, whatever.
Alright, cool.
We're there.
Do it by the time you get there,
the food should be done.
I get there, him and his sister,
smoking weed, fucking stone.
He's like, dude, how do you work the grill?
I'm like, what?
So I had to turn the grill on,
and then I put the meat on two and a half hours later.
I cooked for two and a half hours.
People were walking up, asking me when shit's done.
I'm like, I'm fucking Bob Kelly.
I'm not.
And then he turns, he always has a camera on.
The guy's like, yeah, right, this is, you know,
Bob he comes here, I haven't cooked for me, the guy's like, yeah, right, this is, you know, Bobby comes here,
I haven't cooked for me and I was like,
what the fuck did you just say?
But that's him.
That's a little,
I wouldn't have him any other way.
Nope, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't,
that's Lewis.
You're a sweet side to him too.
The people don't understand.
He's a sweet guy.
He's a, he's a beautiful father.
That's when I really started understanding Lewis, guy. He's a beautiful father. That's when I really started understanding
Lewis, is that he's a beautiful father and he's had, he's come from nothing and he has an
opportunity to get something for his son. And that's his whole objective, I believe.
Oh, listen to him on the phone, watch it. Same with Dave Smith. Watching, I said the other day,
watching those two dudes go from the dudes they wear when I met them,
to the dads they are now and the men that they've become,
is fucking bananas.
Yeah, I mean, I'm a way better dad than both of them,
but yeah, I agree.
My, no, I'm kidding.
Yeah, he's, I don't know Dave, I've never seen him,
you know, with his kid, but I know Lewis is just,
he's great, we're both great with,
we took him, but we took him camping.
He's on his phone.
And then he gets me to do a podcast,
but then he gets me to produce it.
He gets me to set up the mics, the camera recorded,
then we have to download it,
because he's making money, you know, $2,000 with only fans.
And I'm, I'm supposed to be fucking enjoying myself,
but all of a sudden, it's a production assistant.
And I'm fucking Bob Kelly. Sorry, apologize, I'm working enjoying myself, but all of a sudden, I'm a production assistant. And I'm fucking Bob Kelly.
Sorry, I apologize, I'm working on my anger.
But yeah, he's fucking crazy.
But the roast, but it's the thing with that too,
it's like, we're going to do skank fast, right?
All right, great.
And then a two months out,
hey, we're going to do the roast of Lewis, here you go. Huh?
Yeah.
No, I don't wanna do a roast.
And then you're like, all right, fuck it, I'll do it.
Who's doing, you doing, all right, we all, all right, we'll do it.
Because people don't understand that roast takes work.
It's so much anxiety.
Oh my God.
Because you just, the last thing I wanted was to have to think about Lewis for two months.
Yes.
Yes.
And you wake up in the middle of the night and you're thinking about the same with the battles.
Like these fucking vanilla nobody's that I had to fucking, you know, what's funny about
you.
I'm a tall Irishman.
Awesome.
Thanks. Let's ruminate on that for two weeks, fuckface.
Wait, I had to think about Lewis for two weeks.
We're fucking two months.
Yeah, and then you're in the middle of the night
and you're like, what's funny about this?
And you have notes of things that could this be funny.
And it's like fucking in raging.
But you have, this is the thing too. Excuse me for my
fucking a gird that keeps coming up to fat guys. I'm almost the gird. Three. I'm sorry. I had a Google
rotten egg burps abdominal pain today. And I went, well, gee, I hope this is stressing not fucking
Brock Lesnar disease. What was the answer by the way?
They said it could be IBS from stress.
That's probably what it is.
I'm sure hope and so.
Yeah dude, I was so stressed out because you agreed to do that.
People don't understand.
Not only am I stressed out, I have anxiety from touring again.
Being a father, a husband, try not to fuck other things.
Try not to eat myself into a coma.
Try not to do drugs all this shit every day.
Try not to murder somebody, yell at somebody, flip out at me.
Try not, you know, keep a mental healthy.
And then add a roast at skank fast.
It's not even like, it's not gonna do anything for my career.
It's not like comedy, center where I'm gonna get 20 grand for it
and then become Nikki Glazer and fuck and get nine Netflix
specials.
I mean, you know, all right, cool.
Then we do it, we're all set to do it.
And then they're like, oh, we're streaming it live.
What?
Because now you got to think about, okay,
I'm going to be careful what I say.
I can't say certain things, maybe that I was going to say,
because that's going live.
Like, do I really want, or if I say this,
do I want that out there?
And that's forever.
That made me excited.
Huh?
That part made me excited.
I understand.
Because where I am obviously is compared to you,
I'll take the heat.
I am and I should take the heat
because I was in Rochester and they fucking bum me out,
because they fucking protested Big J.
They protested Dave, they protested Louis.
Not one protest, there's just a bunch of happy couples.
The fucking vanilla douchebag I am.
Fucking asshole.
I was like, nobody hates me.
And finally, that got in the last show. Well, the second last show I had like, nobody hates me. And finally, thank God, last show,
well, the second last show I had a bunch of people leave
and a bunch of gay lesbian sale.
God mad at me, I was like, oh, thank God.
I walked a party of four on Saturday.
Well, kinda good.
It feels good to walk people.
Especially when they just get up
and they're like, I wasn't prepared for this.
Yeah.
I respect you if you walk.
Yeah, who used to be quiet?
Yeah.
And don't interrupt the show.
I was like, oh, you care about your night out.
Yeah, good for you.
You're out, you came to the wrong show, see you later.
But if you make a fucking stink about it,
these broads made a stink about it, though, these like.
Get out of here.
Well, they were saying he's not this,
like listen, we don't need your fucking critique.
You don't like it, keep it moving.
You've been to bad movies, right?
I've been to plenty of fucking things that I didn't like.
I just walked out.
That was a stag sum out.
What's the weird thing about comedy is like
nobody would ever go to a venue that just says music.
Yeah.
You would say, oh, I like this kind of band
or this kind of thing, but if a place is just music, you would never go,
well Jesus Christ, it's heavy metal in there.
That's not what I paid for.
Right, but also too, people would never fucking
write a skating comment about fucking a cover bond,
Jovey band, because he didn't sing
shot through the heart correctly.
You know what I mean?
Fucking asshole.
Unfortunately, when people go see comedy,
in their head, they're going to see whatever their exact idea of comedy is. You know what I mean? Fucking asshole. Unfortunately when people go see comedy
in their head, they're going to see
whatever their exact idea of comedy is.
Yep.
Yep.
Joe Russell got some bad reviews last week.
He got bad.
We did the pussy cat.
He opens for me over there.
And he got the owner of the comedy stuff.
What's going on?
What happened?
I'm like, what even happened?
We got two bad reviews on your opener.
Who's your opener?
I was like, Joe Russell.
I go, how the fuck, I get to say it was mush
because he's just a fucking nightmare.
What?
Well, you say fucking fucked up shit.
A little bit.
Yeah, but Joe's, what do you eat?
Eggs?
Yeah.
Lasagna?
There's nothing offensive about his act.
There's nothing offensive about it.
I mean, it had to be so bad, and you weren't.
I mean, you have to be too not be offensive
and have somebody read a bad review.
You have to be so bad that you made them angry.
Or it's like, fuck that piece of shit.
Yeah, I've read the comment cards on test screenings
of movies I've done. Oh my God. There's nothing more soul
Destroyed then when someone hates you, but then can't remember your characters name
Oh boy, and I had to read it was what was your least favorite character in the movie?
You think part should be cut down and they just wrote the fat food man
I can just grab all of us on this podcast. So I should be I should be
grateful they know my name. Yes. Right. You know what? It's all perspectives. Yes.
I should be grateful that these guys is that you fat fuck Bob Kelly. Yeah. I hope
you dive cancer. You fucking grab your chest and your kid has no dad. I should be
happy because they know Max. Yeah. Yeah. I hope Max says grows up without a father. Yeah, exactly
Yeah, they just say your name instead of describing you instead of saying the diabetic Mexican on the show or whatever
Oh my god
Yeah, that roasting was tense, but you killed it. Thank you, man, and I was I was nervous for you to be honest
Just because I didn't understand first of all the the the streaming thing was nuts that they were streaming it
I didn't understand, first of all, the streaming thing was nuts that they were streaming it, which added another level
of anxiety for me, because it's like, ah, shit.
I just gonna make sure I say, if I don't wanna slip up
and say something stupid and regret it,
I wanna make sure whatever I say, I mean.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you don't wanna have any regrets.
I just don't wanna say something stupid, be like,
ah, fuck, can you cut that out? I don't wanna say that. You know, I don? Yeah, you don't have any regrets. I just don't wanna say something stupid, but be like, oh, fuck, can you cut that out?
I don't wanna say that.
You know, I don't wanna be that guy.
And I, and I, look, we've all been that guy.
Or I know a lot of people that I got you.
I know I've been that guy. Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look That means somebody actually talked about cheating on their check. You see me and Lewis Panicking and going where about
somebody fucked up the time one.
Lewis is the best.
Let me tell you something though, that fucker.
I was never more proud of him than at that roast.
I almost got emotional.
I forgot to say how much I loved him at the end.
I had this whole thing I was gonna say at the end
about the fans and about Louis.
And I got so like, wow, fucked up, I didn't say it,
because I'm looking out and I'm seeing,
I remember seeing this fucking shirtless asshole
about to go to jail on my street
and I was trying to talk him out of going to murder somebody,
which I regret.
I should have let him murder that guy.
And I remember talking him out of moving to fucking. with Nate, because he would have just been a Mexican in L.A.
right now. And then, you know, all the fights we've had and all the stuff and all the stuff he's
said and, you know, hammer fisting and him and, you know, and then to look out and see all these
fucking crazy fans of all of ours. And that was the greatest part about it is that they knew who we
were. It wasn't a festival of people who didn greatest part about it is that they knew who we were.
It wasn't a festival of people who didn't know who we,
they all knew who we were and they came to see all of us.
And, you know, even the ones that weren't even there
to see or maybe didn't like you,
they weren't dicks about it.
They were the nicest fans ever.
And then I see this fucking idiot with his dumb hat
and we were all hanging out.
And, you know, it was like, I was like,
wow, this is pretty amazing.
Good for this.
I was so proud of him getting it.
I mean, that's probably the, you know.
It's all downhill.
It's all downhill.
It's the top of the pyramid.
That was it.
I couldn't tell if you were thinking
or about the fart right there.
It was all downhill.
It was just great.
I didn't realize how many fucking people
were gonna be there.
Dude.
And I saw them all come in and I freaked the fuck out.
I had to run and get Paco the intern.
I went, if somebody has altoids or mincer something,
because I'm about to puke.
Right.
And I was having a panic at that,
because I just saw all these fucking people.
Dude, you are hosting.
Yeah. What you guys didn't see is the fence behind you guys.
We're just random people.
We're kind of walking by and just like homeless guys like that's really funny.
Yeah.
Like, it was great.
There's people who didn't even know what was going on.
Outside the fence, the whole street outside was packed.
Yeah.
And it was when you went up, I was like this.
It was all in your shoulders, man.
If you fucking bombed, dude, it was, we're all going to bomb. We If you fucking bombed dude it was, we're all
going to bomb. We're all fucking going except for Joe because he had the three of the best
writers ever write him great jokes. He fucking came, oh that piece of shit. He should've
went last, he killed, murdered, and he knew he was gonna murder too. He fucking said,
bad, just reading those fucking zingers right off the thing. I had to follow him.
I was like, fuck, I should have went first.
But everybody did good.
Yeah, it's great.
Nobody bombed.
No, nobody pulled the Keith Robinson.
No.
They were watching that on Jim and Sam this morning.
It's historic, but it's the most historic bombing
of any bombing to see a professional
comedian bomb on a roast.
My apologies.
Did he have to go after Ben Bailey or was that two different roasts?
No, it's one he went after Ben Bailey.
Paul, because Ben fucking did so good.
Ben fucking murdered, which was unexpected, but Keith stunk.
And then he wouldn't get off stage.
No, because he's a fucking angry black guy from Philly.
And he was disrespect, we were disrespecting him. We were going stretch. And then he wouldn't get off stage. No, because he's a fucking angry black guy from Philly.
And he was disrespected.
We were disrespected.
We were going stretch.
Yeah.
That's how much black guys like chicken,
every time they do a roast, they wing it.
Let me make sure Keith gets that clip.
God damn.
Ah, tell that Keith gets that clip. God damn it. Tell that lesbian.
Tell that lesbian to go fuck yourself.
Motherfucker.
Yeah, that was great, man.
It was such a good time.
Now, do you do drugs and shit, right?
Yeah, it happens.
What are you like?
I mean, are you doing mushrooms? Are you doing acid? Are you doing whatever the fuck it is? I don't know like, I mean, are you doing mushrooms
or you doing acid, you doing whatever the fuck it is?
I don't know you dude.
I don't know.
I know you're into wrestling.
I know that you're fucking,
what's your sexuality pan?
Buy something, I don't know.
Are you buy?
Yeah, buy.
I like it in my dick sucked.
I don't know where you're gonna say it like fucking Joey but a Foucault.
Yeah, yeah, fucking like in my dick suck of a guy girl.
No matter, just suck it.
Yeah.
Alright, dude.
I mean, I think that's lazy.
I don't think that's by.
I don't think that's by.
I think he's all about the craftsmanship.
Yeah, dude.
I don't think you're by.
I think you just like a suck it.
Yeah.
Whoever's around, I don't want to walk.
I don't want to have to go to the gym and fucking get a check a suck it. Yeah, yeah. Whoever's around, I don't want to walk. I don't want to have to go to the gym and if I can get a check to suck it,
I'll just get some fucking mentally ill man to suck my grip.
Oh.
Oh.
You and the wig, you'll do.
Yeah.
So I want to need the bus ticket.
Yeah, you, hey you with the Ashi Knuckles.
Get over here to suck it.
So you're by, you let, you love wrestling.
You make horror movies. Yeah. And you're by you let you love wrestling you make horror movies. Yeah
and
your stand-up comedian. Yeah, and
You're a podcaster. Yeah three shows three shows name the shows for me, please
me and Lewis do real ass podcasts me and do buy guys. That's Thursdays on get that's why Ian was gonna come up
Mm-hmm. I get it. What's your name again?
Nicole
Yes, Nicole well Ian was supposed to be on the tonight, but he was he's a fucking moron
Nicole's like he can only come out. He's gonna have to leave because he's hosting and I like and then I look
He's hosting at 8.30 we're starting at 8.15 suppose we were late
and I'm like he's gonna be I gotta call him like dude you can't be off for fucking
six minutes and then leave it's stupid and he wouldn't even have made it tonight
anyways but I told him to come by after if he does so you do a podcast with him
yeah that's fuck he's crazy and you're crazy and he's a lot of fun. And he's by too. Yeah. Yeah. So it's so well.
What do you guys think each other off? No, it's because he would sit in for Lewis when Lewis couldn't
come in. And we jokingly started calling it by guys at Zachini and piss off the agro fans.
Oh, that's funny. And then we just started doing the show on one of our off days.
Did they really get mad? Oh, people, because we would just do the regular intro and be like surprise faggot the second
I should people be like I wanted an hour of MMA and diet advice
I want to be yelled at
The service industry
So so you guys do a part,
but you guys are both by, have you ever
fooled around?
No, we're not each other's, uh, bag.
What do you mean?
I don't think that's, that would be, uh, plausible.
Why not? We're not each other's thing.
You got a pecker, he's got a pecker?
Who gives a fuck?
Nah.
He's a pecker. You're a pecker.
Wouldn't you like to suck his pecker?
He's got a mustache.
I don't know what I'm the mustache He looks like Jean Charlotte
He does he looks like a 1986 comm star. Yeah, like not the man guy the side guy like the neighbor. Hey
Chrissy
Do you looks like the best friend and bachelor party?
He does There he is.
He's shallow. Oh, yeah, this blood. Stop for stocks.
My God. Look at that chin.
That looks like he has the chin of Norton,
the mustache of Jessica Kirschhoff and the hair and the nose of Dan Nattiman. Just say, Jew.
Oh my God. Looks like, it looks like Ari's cock.
Oh my God. So you got the thing with him and you guys don't suck each other off. That's just a shame.
We got to, I mean I'm married, so we got to each other too late in the life too.
Oh you're married.
What's her name?
Amanda.
Amanda, I met her.
I don't know if you met her.
I think I've met her, but not formally, not like we have not or anything.
And what did you meet her?
Okay, Cupid.
Really?
Yeah. You got her for, yeah. So she didn't did you mean her? Okay, Cupid. Really?
Yeah.
You got it for, yeah.
So she didn't know you were a standup?
Nope.
That's it.
You got a square.
Oh, dude, you got it.
I tell everyone you taught me how to get a wife.
Why is that?
You told me don't fuck anybody with a head shot.
Yes.
That's how every young comic, though,
I go, don't fuck anybody with a head shot.
Get a square.
It's awesome.
You gotta get a square, man.
You gotta get somebody with different hopes and dreams.
You gotta get somebody who's not gonna get fucked up around you.
I don't wanna come home and talk about comedy.
No, you don't wanna come home and talk about comedy,
but you also don't wanna her to become more famous to you.
No, of course not.
Like Natalie's gonna become.
Can't wait.
No, fucking, I don't wanna blow this guy up,
but me and Lewis have been talking about this pizza place in Jersey for like a year
I got Lewis into it. Yeah, it's the best fucking place
We've talked about on the air for months. Yeah, she goes once yeah
Takes a picture in front of it and the owner of the pizza place the ups are hey
If you ever want to come in for a tour make a video anything you want. Yeah, yeah, it's that easy
It's that easy.
It's that easy.
And that's why women can't,
women communities can't bitch anymore.
You can't.
Not when you can fucking throw an apron on
and a G string and make eggs and get $70,000 a month.
Now, we can go into a fucking pizza place
as having a fucking solid three minutes of standup.
And then you get a tour and a free pizza.
Get the fuck out of here.
Well have you tried that yet, Bobby?
What?
G-string cooking with money?
That's what we should do, Zach.
Me and you, we get down to G-strings in an apron, right?
And we cook and we show our feet.
We want to know why we pick it.
I pick my dead toenail up and you pick up your crusty white,
whatever freckled thing you have down there. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, he drogado la f***ing speaker a mi fin de años y el nal fello.
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Oh, I want to...
If we had a cooking show where we were just in April, just to ask...
How much money would we make?
All like old people in hospital times.
No, like fucking all these comic breads, who during the pandemic just started fucking cooking sausages. Today, chicken malonees.
And then they just wiggle their asses
and show a side-tit and go,
meet me on only fans.
I'm fine with it, I have no shame left.
No, let's do it, you don't have shame.
I've been naked in a bunch of movies.
You've been naked on a naked roast.
Oh yeah, well that's my show.
That's yours.
That's my show, yeah.
You created naked roast.
Yeah, well we were sitting in Ralph Sutton's yours. That's my show. Yeah. You created Naked Rose. Yeah. Well, we were sitting in Ralph Sutton's
kitchen. Yeah. And we said, what's the dumbest show in New
York? It was the Naked Show. Yeah. And what's the other
dumbest thing? Rose Battle. Stupid. And then somebody I can't
remember was an intern at the time when she'd do Naked Rose
Battle. And I went, shut up. That's my idea now. Oh, you
took it. That's good. That's good. That's your idea.
Completely. Yeah. Fuck that. And we would do it at every Skankfest. That's great. It's it's I mean, shut up, that's my idea now. Oh, you took it, that's good. This is your idea. Completely.
Yeah, fuck that.
And we would do it at every skankfest.
That's great.
I mean, I heard that, this is what I heard from,
I got how's the Nega roast?
The Dix will, too little.
Yeah.
That's what I heard this year.
There was a black guy with a Dix smaller than mine,
which I couldn't even figure it out.
Oh, what?
Are you sure with a Dix smaller than mine?
You should, first of all, there should be a fluffer.
Somebody should be, you should be able to get your dick ready.
I know people have taken performance enhancing.
Is that illegal?
Who says who?
Yeah, you can do that.
Yeah, of all the substances it's gangfests.
That's the one we're gonna stop people with.
I know, right.
Well, I mean, for the Naked Rose Battle,
that'd be embarrassing if you took a fucking vagran,
you dick was still small.
It was just a little fucking thumb sticking up,
little bent thumb.
Oh my God.
I mean, I think the biggest penis we've ever had
was on a gal.
Two, yeah.
Yeah, maybe two years ago.
Who was there?
Who was there? Margot. Mar uh margo margo rice very funny and she came out with it
tucked and then unveiled it didn't she go full she's a woman now right
like she has a vagina I I don't know oh you don't know all right but at
the time she had something to really write home about. And she came to talk to them and unveiled.
That's great.
And this thing, it had a whip to it.
Oh really?
When it came out, the wacky inflatable arm man,
and from a car dealership, it went, whoa, whoa.
Wow.
2019,
1996.
What's that? You know, 1996.
What's that? The last time my dick had a whip to it.
Okay.
I remember it.
I remember it.
A Spanish girl I met.
She was at my house.
She took my, I was in such an shredded shape.
It was one of my, one of my skinnies
and I got really shredded for this movie
and she took my, I used to know, no one to it because my dick was so awesome.
And she took my dick out and it buoying if whipped out and swung.
And she went, oh my God.
And then she put it in her mouth and I fucking remember it.
Like it happened yesterday.
Now if I took my dick out, it would be it would be sad.
It wouldn't even be funny.
You'd be like, oh man, what's on it?
Do you need a, is that marshmallow?
Why are you always, let have a little come on it?
As I'm into explaining your dick is such an embarrassing moment.
My dick looks like a little baby snake
that's coming out of the egg.
Oh yeah, thank God I've got the ring through mine
to keep it way down a little.
So it gives me a little hang.
I should do that.
I should get some type of hang,
some type of weight on my dick.
Oh my God, I'm hoping that I lose this weight
and my dick comes back for a couple of years.
If I get my dick back, I'm cheating on my wife.
I'm going to fuck, I'm gonna fuck dudes.
I'm gonna fuck you.
Yeah, that's what my dick looks like right now.
Right now.
That's my dick right now.
Doing cheat underwear, advertising with us and then like, yeah, you have one pocket for your dick, one pocket for your palsy.
Get the fuck outta here.
You better have Velcro with this fucking.
You're gonna have something to hold my nuts to dick in there.
My fucking dick sits on my balls like the caterpillar and Allison will be living. I'm gonna have to live. I'm gonna have to live. I'm gonna have to live. I'm gonna have to live. I'm gonna have to live.
So you created roast battle.
Make it roast battle.
Make it roast battle.
And this year, that was at the,
that was another thing that was crazy.
We did a lot of fucking shows, man.
Too much.
Yeah, it was a lot.
It was probably one of the best festivals
I've ever been to in my life.
It was incredible.
I love the stunt you did with the beer bottles.
What's thank you.
I still have my, so I've done a bunch of shows with like
SciShow people.
Yeah.
That's why I just, I just know a lot and I've done,
I'll go do stand, I've got to do stand up
like at the county island SciShow.
Wow.
And my buddy Joe Lunchbox is a SciShow performer
and I called him before Skankfest and I said,
hey, can I steal one of your acts to open up the naked roast?
Yeah. And it's, I took two beer bottles and put them on a line and put it through a carabiner,
like a mountain climbing clip, and put it through my dick ring and hung the two beer bottles
off and called up two guys from the crowd and had a chugging contest, but they had to
keep their hands behind their back like Bobby for apples.
So it's just two guys yanking my deck
in either direction while they try
to turn the bottles upside down and drink.
You can't listen man.
You can't find a festival that has that.
Just for laughs.
Just like, my dick, my dick, my dick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, because they got a little excited.
Yeah.
And then just yanking it either way.
Well, I was talking to, uh, I was talking to Louis
about this the other day.
People want that shit again.
People want rated our movies.
People want some fucking, people are really starving
for fucking fucked up shit again.
Oh, dude, filth.
I'll do that next jackass is going to murder.
Is there hasn't been anything filthy in so long?
People want it.
The sick of this fucking happy horseshit they're giving us.
The sick of turning on the TV and everything is the blood is fucking, you know, not shown.
People don't die.
You know, everybody's nice to each other.
There's no, I mean, people want a nice rated off movie again.
And I think they're gonna want a nice rated sex movie too. And I think they're gonna want a nice, rate sex movie too.
And there's sex movies are gone.
Like nobody's fucking.
They made a real like,
next generation porky, you know,
that would kill.
People would really want to see that movie.
Yeah, but what would that be?
That's not gonna happen.
It's cause the internet.
I, there's a,
there's a really good,
good book called B movie Hell
that like explains the trajectory
of like the sex comedy.
Okay. And basically your like the sex comedy.
And basically, your last big sex comedy era was American Pie.
That was right when people started to get high speed internet.
And those movies don't really exist anymore because if kids want to see tits, they just
Google it.
Right.
Back then, those movies did so well when they came out on home media.
Okay. Everybody would rent them just to see the tits.
Yeah, but I think that people, it's not the tits anymore.
The tits are part of it.
The TNA was part of it because it adds that little smudge to it.
But I'm talking about a dirty realistic comedy.
Like hangover was pretty dirty.
Hangover was fucked up, but that's why it did so well.
It came out of nowhere.
We're sitting there looking at a, you know, I love Robby down to junior and Zach, but that's why it did so well. You came out of nowhere. We're sitting there looking at it.
I love Robby Downey Jr. and Zach, but who gives a fuck?
Yeah, yeah.
I like Zach in that movie where he was a fucking weirdo
and did some fucked up shit.
What was the other movie with Vince Vaughan and Old School?
Dude, some old guy died fucking at a mud pit
with a bunch of tits. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a fun dude some old guy died fucking at a mud pit with a bunch of tents like like a you know
I mean like blue
Yeah blue died. I would say I think the most underrated comedy of the last whatever generation walk hard
Which John C. Riley is so fucking funny dude. I've never watched it
And I'll tell you why and I'm gonna watch it now. I don't I'm fucking annoyed at him
and I'm gonna watch it now. I don't, I'm fucking annoyed at him
because he's, I don't know how
that ugly motherfucker got into anything.
I'm so fucking, he doesn't make,
I understand how Richard Duval,
you know, Duval made it with his,
he's bald, he's a great actor.
Like comedy wise, this guy is one of the fucking most
ugly human beings on the planet earth.
You gotta evolve.
And he's in everything.
Everything.
When you watch it, when you watch him,
it's so funny that now, because it's like a parody
of every music biopic, now new ones come out
and you laugh, because you go, they did that in walk-heart.
Like, when you see Mark Marin in any movie,
and he's like, hi, I'm a Jew from show business
They did that so good at walk hard that you see him in a movie now and you laugh at him. I'm sorry What did you just say?
Mark Marin in every other movie is like, hi, I'm show business
Nice to see you. This is I'm gonna fuck you over on a contract now
And in walk hard they did it with his seeds,
and it's so fucking fun.
Like they're playing in the studio.
They're behind the booth, they're with the fucking dance.
I never watched it because I didn't think
he could pull it off.
It's, and I've been so fucking, and it's filthy.
Yeah, Tim Meadows is great, and I,
I'm gonna watch it, you know,
and because I do like him,
but he's always been what's his name, Sidekick.
Will Farrow.
Yeah, and Will Farrow I he was good for a minute
But he's I get it. He was good as the side guy in old school when he did that stupid shit. Yes, you know
I mean like Vince Vaughn makes me laugh. Yes, he's so fucking funny man. He's underrated dude
He was just so good and I don't think anybody saw it was called freaky and it was a sorry
He was awesome. You fucking fucking awesome because people forget.
Vince Vaughn is huge big guy.
Did you see a brawn sublock 99?
Dude, I just watched that.
I watched Drag the Cross-Cronc concrete
and I just watched Bone Tomahawk.
Fucking all awesome.
All from the same director.
You wanna watch a fucking good set,
but I'll tell you the order,
bone tomahawk,
yeah,
Sal 99 and then dragged across,
cross concrete.
I think that's the order as well.
Dude, bone tomahawk, I can't,
I love westerns.
I can't believe I fucking missed this one.
It's, but not dude,
it made my wife cry.
She goes, they're just,
the way they're portraying
the Native American people, I'm like they're, they're, they're just the way they're portraying the Native American people.
I'm like, they're, they're, they're cannibal savages.
Are you fucking nuts?
Yeah.
They're fucking loot.
These aren't, even these, they're not doing,
because they show a regular Native American
in this fucking, yeah, Bolo tie and ponytail.
And he, he's like, we don't go out to see the worst people.
Yeah, why not like those Mexicans?
Yeah.
We would, like, when they, when they go, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr out to see those people. Yeah, why not like those Mexicans? Yeah. Yeah. What would they have?
Would they have,
Well, you find out how they did it.
Because there's a part where they scream and you're like, oh, this is some weird, it's
get, but then you find out how they did it.
You're like, you got to be shitting me.
That movie had me fucking scared.
That's so long.
It's like two and a half.
It's so good.
You never, you never go.
This is a lot. It's not a lot. And here it is, too. It's the two and a half hours. It's so good. You never, you never go, this is a lot.
It's not a lot and here it is too. It's the way it was.
They lost their horses.
They had to be out at night.
They had to do a cold camp and people died.
Yeah.
It was fucking epic.
The scene where he goes, how many are there?
And she went, I think 12, maybe a couple more.
That means 12 guys fucking banged her.
She was like, I lost count.
She counted at 12.
Crazy, great movie.
The Raw and Cell Block 99, I mean, if you've ever been a dude who's been cheated on or hurt,
the opening of that movie, he finds out his wife cheats on him.
So he doesn't hit higher.
So he just beats up the car.
It's the most relatable, fuck it.
It's, it's, he just street fighter bonus levels,
a car, fully just beats a car to death.
He beats it to death in a way that you're like,
I didn't know you could do that. He ripped shit off of death. He beats it to death in a way that you're like, I didn't know you could do that.
He ripped shit off of the car, you're like, wow.
Because you see him in the movie,
he's bald, he's got a big fucking cross tattoo
on the back of his head,
and you look at, you know what I'm saying?
You're like, oh, he's like, six, four, six, five.
Yeah.
He's a big scary motherfucker.
Yeah, and he's one of my,
he's got to be one of my favorite actors.
To go from that and then go to a comedy, like old school or whatever the fuck he's one of my he's got to be one of my favorite actors to go from that and then go to a comedy like old school or whatever the fuck he's in
He's I'm gonna see he's um fun the funcows his brother on curb
He's on every episode of the new curb. I didn't I didn't see it. He replaced. Um, yeah, he replaced
Super Dave Osborne really yeah, he's funcows. He's Marty funcows his brother. I did not know that I great
He's perfect. That's a great casting thing. They're both very similar physically. Yeah, it's a great casting
I love Vince Vaughn so much and I feel like he's keeping movies. He's keeping really our
Guy movies, which I'll say guy, but girls like it too. Let's look at a character way girls love
rated our movies with fucking dudes,
just being men, fucking crazy.
Me and my wife watch Sublock and I actually loved it.
It was fucking so good.
I can't wait, I just wanna rated our comedy.
What could it be?
What could it be with TNA?
I think if somebody steps up and does it,
they'll make a gazillion dollars.
Yeah, I think it's just been so long
since something's been like filthy. I think if you step up and make a gazillion dollars. Yeah, I think it's just been so long that something's been like filthy.
I think if you step up and make a movie
where a bunch of guys just cheat on their wives,
yeah, yeah, they just fuck with cheating.
And we go out and they, and one guy,
one guy redeems themselves at the other guy.
I didn't do it, honey.
You know, when she still dumps some,
she cheats on him.
Something fucked up.
You know, something where they just get in tail,
get in fucked up and fucking robbing people
and beating people up.
Did you see a fuck, what's the one with the rock
and Mark Wahlberg?
It's called painting game.
Yeah, did you like that?
The rock on Coke at the community meeting?
Okay.
They kidnapped Tony Shaloo but hold him in a dildo factory.
That movie rules.
I gotta rewind this.
This is why I love you, dude, because you, like,
Derosa does this, too.
I see movies and I'm very, I'll admit it, I'm stupid.
I love simple shit.
I'll, I love dumb TV shows, but then some of you will come in
and be like, I remember a grubber.
Derosa was like, dude, I fucking never gave a fuck about that.
I thought it was stupid.
Duros was like, you're stupid, you have to go rewatch that.
It's the one of the funniest movies ever made.
And I went rewatched it.
I was dying.
Yeah.
I'm fucking dying.
Fuck me.
I was sucky dick.
I let you fuck me.
You can fuck.
Oh, it's great.
You're that opening the montage of getting every wrestler in the van.
That is immediately the van.
How about when Big Show, the guy comes and kisses him.
Oh yeah, it shows gay.
It's like that little touch I was cracking up to the guy, just came up and he had a bend
down to kiss the guy.
Oh, fucking great.
Yeah, I just want that shit back.
And horror movies too, I mean,
they make it so many horror movies now,
but it seems like it's the same shit.
My new movie's fucking filthy, but.
Tell me about it.
It's called Shakespeare's Shit Storm.
All right, stop.
Go ahead.
Okay, you say your new movie.
I did a pass on the script, I'm in it, and I deed it.
See, me, you should hang out more. We could do a lot of I would like that. Yeah, I'm gonna take you from Lewis
No, I'm kidding. Lewis is gonna get you're gonna get a phone call tonight
He said it's taking jack is gonna call you Lewis's I don't understand the idea of split custody. Hahaha. Hahaha. I'm B.
Hahaha.
Alright, tell me about this movie.
You made, now, you, you've been in a bunch of horror movies, right?
Yeah, so I, um, for the last, I think 11, 12 years.
Yeah.
I've been in a company called Trauma Entertainment.
Yeah.
Um, they were famous in the 80s for like the toxic avenger.
Yeah.
I know.
Oh, shit like that.
Yeah. They're still making movies, same direct there.
Didn't Bailey Jay do something with them?
Yeah, that was what they make with me.
Okay, great.
Yeah, I love it.
I got her.
Yeah.
Are you dead?
Yeah, yeah.
I insisted on that cast.
Oh, I love Bailey.
Yeah, she slaps me.
It's pretty great.
Yeah, okay.
With her hand.
And unlucky.
And unlucky, I should say.
And, yes, we have a new one.
So we did a movie in the 90s called Tromio and Juliet.
Okay.
It was actually written and directed by James Gunn
who did Guardians of the Galaxy and James Gunn.
Yeah, love James Gunn.
And he fucking made a couple jokes
about some kids and got in trouble.
That was to my boss.
And now he's back.
I was with the boss that day when we got the call.
Hey, you got a delete about 100 tweets today. day when we got the call.
Hey, you got to delete about 100 tweets today. Something's coming down the pike.
Really?
We were on set, yeah.
Now, what were the jokes?
They used to avoid our boss at trauma,
Lloyd Cosman.
He makes a lot of jokes that are just like
see at the next Nambler meeting.
Like, just silly, he's a fucking silly old Jew.
He makes silly jokes.
They're not.
That's always, you know, we make movies with oldies
getting their heads crushed and shooting their pants.
The good old days.
Yeah.
When you could send a did a say,
if we started with sexy comedies like Porquies,
that's how we just started.
When we talked about that last week.
That's how trauma started.
We did stuff on you, squeeze, play a bunch of like
early 80s sex comedies
So good and then we move to the horror stuff right so the new so we made trauma in Juliet in the 90s
This is kind of a
Sequel spiritual sequel to that. It's our version of Shakespeare's The Tempest
Okay, which is Shakespeare's last play right and the movie is about a cruise ship
That gets attacked by shitting whales.
So like whales jump over it and we dropped 400 gallons of fake shit on people.
You film this. Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. Stop. I got to stop you.
We're going to go piecemeal here. Yeah. Yeah.
So where did you get a cruise ship, by the way?
I believe I'm going to the country is going to.
It was a shit country little we
okay some some like I'm not sure where that is but I think it used to be the
Soviet Union country yeah some country with white Muslims and they um it was
the first movie production ever in that country and they gave us a naval
vessel to shoot the exteriors on.
So we sent, I didn't go on that shoot,
we sent a skeleton crew and then hired people over there
and sent like three of the actors for all the exteriors.
On the ship.
On the top of the ship.
And then we made the inside of the ship
at a nightclub in New York.
Okay, now, how did you, so the whales,
I, this is weird to say, the whales jumped over the ship
and shit on the ship?
Yeah, so ship?
Yeah, so it's, you later find out
because of whale accident,
but so we have whales that jump up
and then we made a giant whale asshole
that we have a closer on,
that we had a hose full of fake ship that we have a closer on, that we had a hose full of fake shit,
that we have the shot of, and then we made, I think, 400, I want to say gallons of fake
shit.
What is fake shit, though?
And I make blood with sugar and corn syrup.
The fake shit was water tapioca food coloring.
Brown food coloring tapioca water so there's a lumpy
sitting in engines and then we made yeah so that's a that's a shot from the movie and
then we made it's got a lot of corn in it the director insisted on corn well we also
know not eat corn oh we brought this up this was a this was a discussion but why and then
they made hundreds and hundreds of little fake turds why wouldn't
it be a little baby shrimp i don't know it's what he he said corns funny
he's been making movies since nineteen i got to agree with him i got to agree
with the first thing i saw by the guy in the middle uh... that's uh... one of
the leads that's he's been in every movie i've done
since i'm nineteen wow and he came and replaced an actor at the last minute.
And the running joke is that everybody's filthy the whole movie, but his face stays clean
and Lloyd are direct because he's got to be a little dirty.
So I just walked over to him and you can kind of see it in the shot.
I took the shit and I gave him a Hitler mustache.
And it took everybody like three days to notice into the movie and then it was too late to
take it out.
Is that Lloyd to the left? Yeah, that's Lloyd in the dress next to him.
And yeah, so the boat crashes, they wind up at a strip club in Jersey and where they are given a new drug called tempest that starts to make people transform into monsters. Okay. So wait a minute.
There's the whale, wait a second.
The whales have nothing to do with the movie.
No, they jump over the boat and they shun on everything.
But whale shit.
But that's what gets them to Jersey.
Yes.
So that's just a tool to get them to Jersey
where they're gonna take a drug
and then they become monsters.
Yes.
And they're the horror movie ensues.
Yes.
So the whale thing is just a vehicle
to get them to do something.
Well, they're out on the water.
You could have said the propeller broke.
Yeah, of course.
But in the tempest,
the boat that they're on gets into a hurricane.
So our version of it is a hurricane of whale shit.
Whale shit.
So the whale jumps over the boat.
What's that?
Multiple whales.
What type of whales?
Killer whales. Oh, they're kill whales. But they are not the right whales for the ocean. They're supposed to be it. No, because the boat. Multiple whales. What type of whales? Killer whales. Oh, they're killer whales.
They are not the right whales for the ocean.
They're supposed to be in.
No, because there's no killer whales on the East Coast.
No, not at all.
And they jump over it just all the time, like much like free
willy. They did a free willy thing and then they ship.
And then we had a set we built with all extras partying on the boat.
And we had
For all these buckets of fake shit with hoses and we would drop
Hundreds of gallons of shit on them then turn the set around change the background bring in another 20 people
Put them and we basically made a pool that everybody stood in for two days
And dropped all this fake shit on people and it is vile. Oh, it's real. No, it was water, but on screen it looks like it smells.
That looks disgusting. Yeah.
And they're all in this thing. So they get all shit on.
They wind up going to Jersey, docking.
They take a pill. Why do they take a pill?
It's a powder. They're all like pharmaceutical executives who are partying.
Okay. And the strippers all get them to try this drug
and they all start to transform into monsters.
And then, who's the star of it?
What do you become a monster?
No, I actually, I'm only in a few scenes.
I did a lot of behind it.
I was basically off camera for a lot of the movie
feeding people new jokes.
Okay.
That was kind of the job I had on this one.
Yeah.
And I directed everything with background people.
Right.
That's what I like to do, but background shit.
Right.
I actually play, you remember the chick,
Norton debated Lindy West?
Yeah.
That's who I play.
Right.
I wrote her as Lindy East.
That's funny.
And I interrupt the movie three times
to complain about the white cis men who wrote the movie. Lindy East. And I interrupt the movie three times
to complain about the white cis men
who wrote the movie.
That's funny.
So I break the fourth wall every time I'm on screen.
Very like Mel Brooksy.
Right, yeah.
So Lloyd, who's our boss,
he's the one of the main pharmaceutical executives,
and then he plays Prospero,
who is the guy who owns the strip club, and you find out they have a history, and that's how he got them there.
Really?
And it's really violent.
It's really over the top gross.
Okay, where are these movies?
How come I have never been a subjective to them?
How come nobody's ever told me to buy?
Where do you get these?
So we have a streaming service, watch.traumat.com.
Trauma now it's called. Shitstorm is still screening at festivals. We don't have a streaming service watch.traumat.com Yeah, trauma now it's called okay.
A shit storm is still screening at festivals.
We don't have a release.
That's it. Yeah, that's called shit.
That's called hashtag shakes beer shit storm.
Hashtag.
And we did we it should be out already,
but COVID pushed us back about a year.
Okay.
So we did drive throughs for a full year.
How did it how did it people like it?
Our fan I mean, we have a built-in fan base and people really like this one. So we did drive-thrues for a full year. How did it, how did it, people like it?
I mean, we have a built-in fan base
and people really like this one.
Yeah.
This one's really silly and really gross.
It looks visually beautiful.
Like, yeah, we got a really good team on this one.
Yeah, it looks good.
It doesn't look, if you knew how much we paid,
if you knew it's way less money than you think.
Think like an episode of an OK TV show.
So it's got to be under a million or a million dollars.
I would say half that and take some more out.
Wow.
It's like an episode of Louis.
Yeah.
And it's a big production.
It's like a real movie.
But do these people get money if it happens?
No.
You get out.
I will say, and as opposed to past productions, everyone got paid a decent
day rate on this one. Okay, let me ask you a question though, like if this movie blows up
and everybody fucking goes and becomes holy shit, does who makes the money? Just the company?
Lloyd paid everything out of pocket for this one. So he gets it. So it'll go back towards
him, but then would I tell people, because I work on the casting side as well?
Yeah.
If you do one of our movies, you're gonna get 10 more horror movies the year it comes out.
Right. I'm not gonna pay you a lot. It's gonna suck. Right.
You're gonna get so like in the last movie we did return to Newcoma high. Yeah. I don't know if you're into this movie
Terrifier that everybody talks about with the killer clown. clown. The main girl from our movie now makes a living
doing conventions from the movies she got off of our movie.
Right, okay.
Because that's just how it, it's, it's, it's cool.
I hate to make it sound like you get paid an exposure
or whatever, but every person that loves bad horror movie
is gonna say it.
Yeah, but it sounds like you're doing something more creative
than it is, you know, sometimes you do shit to, It's a passion project. Yeah, it's to have fun.
Oh, it's what you like to do. And that sounds like something. And it's wildly gross.
Like it's, oh, I get, um, you can see the whale shit. A great thing. Can we see this?
Can we watch it? Yeah, of course. Oh, okay. Oh my God.
That's Ming from a comic book man.
Any of his tits?
What's going on?
They had a plan slow.
What was that?
You can't watch that.
That's me.
Was that you?
That's you.
I do.
You look good a drag.
Thank you.
I do.
So I'm Lindy West. So I I call
protesters. Yeah, and I do the I do social justice warriors come out to
It's just me in a dress deal with the warriors. Can we hear that now? Yeah, yeah, there's there's only
Can we hear that Nikki? Yeah, I muted it on purpose, but I can turn it on.
Why did you mute it on purpose?
It might probably just gonna be music.
And my fucking.
Cool. No, just for YouTube.
Okay.
I don't wanna.
I always say, can we watch this?
Then we watch it, we gonna fucking, we get booted.
I'll send you the, like, I'll send you a private screener.
So you can see it.
I do, I wanna see it.
It's, I'm really proud of it.
Like it, this is the first movie that I've worked on
where I'm like, this stinks of my writing.
And I didn't write a guy named Brandon Basham
who's done a few really funny movies, wrote it.
But I got to add a lot of jokes,
and there's a lot of like my humor.
So let me ask you a question.
Now you do the wrestling too, right?
Yes, I work for a company called Catalyst Wrestling.
Dude, you work for a lot of people.
Yeah, you make money. I of people. Yeah, I'm gonna see you play.
I do okay.
I do all right.
Let me jump.
What?
Let me jump.
No.
No, that means, yeah.
I'm not wealthy by any means,
but I get to take care of my wife.
That makes me happy.
That's great.
So you're in wrestling, what's it called again?
Catalyst is the name of the company.
And where is that?
We mostly run out of New York and New Jersey.
We're on Tubi.
Tubi's like a free streaming site.
I don't know about this.
Yeah, it's like a black Netflix.
It's free in this commercials.
It's black Netflix?
Yeah, it's like, it's movies that aren't on Netflix.
It's like, they'll be like, you know, Jim Bob's Cookout, part four.
How come I don't know about this?
Tubi's pretty big.
You get an app for it?
Yeah, yeah.
How come nobody tells me about Tubi?
You guys have heard of Tubi, right?
Yeah.
Why the fuck don't you tell me?
Boss told you about Tubi.
First of all, I don't like you coming in here
and just be a lawyer.
All right, Boss is, his special's gonna be on there.
On Toobie.
Yeah, it's like a free streaming app.
Bring up Toobie, I wanna see Toobie.
What a cool little app.
Yeah, all our episodes are on there.
We tape pretty much like once every month and a half
and we'll tape six weeks worth of episodes.
And you wrestle.
I'm a manager.
I have wrestled.
That's great.
But mostly just to get my ass kicked
by somebody I've been antagonizing
for two or three months.
Really?
But yeah, I had, I've had one singles match
and I was into like a multi person.
And so you do, what's the other podcast you do?
Oh, it's called Zach Amiko's Midnight Spook Show
and it's a watch-along podcast.
Careful with that.
And what's that about?
It's a watch.
We watch Haram movie or whatever.
I feel like watching and we talk over it.
I don't make sense now.
And but yes, we do black.
We do black hits three months.
All right, real black hits.
Let's chill out.
It's very fun.
Let's just chill out.
OK.
And you do that with who?
That's just me and different guests every week.
Really? That's fucking a lot.
Yeah, that's five of my own podcasts
because so rap is three days a week
and then I do bye guys and that.
If you ever call it rap in front of me again,
I will hit you with something.
That's fair.
I don't know what, but something.
Something that's fair.
Yeah, rap.
Hang on. Aren't we on YKWD yeah but wrap I don't go you could go you you you're wide no because I'm
gonna go Bobby finally out the stroke I hope I don't have a stroke.
I'm thinking about this dude,
two of my friends have strokes.
If I have a stroke, it's gonna suck.
Cause you know, cause Lewis is gonna fucking somehow.
He's gonna be the one who does my thing
and he's gonna take some of the money for himself.
He's gonna have new merch.
He's gonna have Bobby Stroke merch.
My poor kid's gonna hit me in a bed.
His go from me.
Fucking Colin, who do I got?
I got nobody.
Keith got fucking Kevin Hart, Wanda and Amy.
I got Voss, Lewis and Colin.
Yeah, there's a gap there.
There's a huge gap.
You're aiming. God, I need somebody. Why didn't I get? Why didn't I? Why didn't I bet on a different horse?
Should have bet on I could have just I will see whatever. I don't think I'm gonna have a stroke though.
If I hope I don't have a stroke, how would you like to die? Heart attack stroke or some type of AIDS?
like to die. Heart attack stroke or some type of AIDS. I think AIDS, right? Yeah, you get to, I mean, you go so long now. I mean, dude, you have
commercials on TV. If you got AIDS, just take this pill and you can live for fucking 90
years. Yeah, not like the 80s where you die to the sniffles I know by family and loved
ones. Oh, it's the worst too, you got fuck they got those fucking nuggets on your face
collisions
The old AIDS leads you get those AIDS potbellies. I'll do that
Dude those are the saddest when you read about an actor and then it's like he died at 42 of pneumonia and you're like
No, he sucked that
Yeah, sniffles. Yeah
Fuck like the fact kid for monster squad. You're like, why didn't you do anything more? Oh
I didn't know about that one. I think that's I might have made that up if that's not true
I'm sorry fact kid for monster squad. It just sounds like a really funny polo, doesn't it?
That's other crocodile hood to die it wasn't it? You got the you got the gace nipples I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy.
I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to'm 51, dude. So I'm halfway through it, if not more, right?
If you look at the lifespan of my relatives,
it's 80s, 90s.
90s.
I got a good one side, I got 103.
I got a hundred two.
Other side?
Yeah.
I'm wrapping up.
I got, I ain't looking good.
Negative eight.
Yeah.
Yeah, the other side, I got skin tags and heart disease. Yeah. But one side, I'm wrapping up. I ain't looking good. Negative eight. Yeah. Yeah, the other side, I got skin tags and heart disease.
Yeah.
But one side, I'm pretty good.
But yeah, it's like, it's coming to a fucking end.
And people like, sometimes I think they're trying to be nice.
But like, yesterday I posted something about Patrice Passing away
about how the only condolences
how much he would hate the generation of comics he inspired.
Oh, he hate them.
Oh, he would hate all of us so much.
Oh, I just congratulated Napier Gatsty on his Grammy.
I go, Patrice would be pissed.
And some guy commented on it,
I guess trying to be nice.
He was like, hey, I never got to say goodbye to Patrice
and he was my favorite comic. So I just want to tell you know, I never got to say goodbye to Patrice and he was my favorite comic.
So I just want to tell you man,
you got to start losing the weight now.
I don't want to lose you soon.
And I'm like, that is not a thing to comment
on such a book.
Oh, no, no, no.
What lack of boundaries do you have to post that?
It's art, we created it by talking the way we talk.
Yeah.
The fact that we're talking about this right now,
they're all three of us, a fat fox.
With the dark disease in our fucking future.
Chris Fager from High Society posted,
just a nice picture of us from Skankfest, like hugging.
And people thought it was a memorial.
And they're like, oh, is that okay?
And I'm like, am I so fat that any picture of me smiling
with a friend without a caption?
They've just assumed I've done.
Here's what's hard about it for me.
I haven't had a sugar in a carbon 18 months.
Well, for Thanksgiving, I fucked around, but that's it.
Other than 18 months, and I'm right back on it on Friday,
right back into it, and
I used to read the comics when you're trying.
When I'm not trying, it hurts.
When you're actually trying to do it, and you feel good, like you're making progress, and
then you flip, you just put something out there, and I was saying it's like, it's going
to be sad, Max doesn't have a dad.
What?
I just went to T.A.V.
It busted, we had a great night
Who's gonna be dad this my wife this morning? I'm reading those comments and she goes yeah, how to sell it last night you did so good. I was so proud of you
Yeah, I I have a roommate who just got some excursor a so lose weight
What again that stomach stapling or whatever it is I just love when he studies. When mush gets nervous, Thomas tests.
I didn't know the exact answer.
It says it says it.
It says stomach.
I think you figured it out.
Yeah.
It says stomach, that's something.
Yeah.
Anyway, he's lost almost 100 pounds now, and we're almost about to meet.
And I'm going to be the fat roommate in about two weeks.
So.
I know.
I tell you, there was a time when I was fat and Lewis was fat.
And then I, I think it was a sex and drugs and rock'n'roll.
I got that and I started to lose weight.
I went on this no sugar, no grains thing.
And I went down and we, one day he, I lost weight and he was like, how much you weigh
and I told him and I was less than him.
And he got fucking bullshit. Not knowing that I would give up months later
and skyrocket to fucking fatness.
Yeah, the pandemic fucked me up.
I did 10 weeks sober and that helped me a lot.
And I'm gonna do another big run of that.
So, but from alcohol?
Yeah, alcohol is just fucking,
I was drinking like an animal during the pandemic.
And I got so fucking fat.
Dude, alcohol is a motherfucker.
It's the worst.
I think it's the worst because it's,
it fucks with your emotions.
Like weed and drugs for some reason sucks,
but alcohol, I don't know, made me aggressive.
It just makes me, I was just a fucking lazy fat animal.
Really?
And then I hurt my back.
So I was just fucking ordering from the liquor store, like a monster. Are you sure you didn't view
any and don't fucking just back to you? You see I'm picking each other up on a
whole tower. Again, why did he hear this back to? How did you get back to
nothing though? I I I hurt my back a rascal. Oh, you did. Okay, yeah. Fond.
Somebody took a few chair shots and didn't get out of bed the next day.
Really?
Yeah.
They hurt those chair shots to the back.
I know they're way better than the head ones.
But it's still a chair.
It.
You know, they really get you.
Yeah.
I've had a deathmatch too, and I wasn't that far.
I mean, that was bad.
Deathmatch is a coming back.
Yeah.
People love in this shit, right?
Oh, yeah, I'm super into it.
Yeah, buddy, Cassanova does this thing.
It's called the No Ring Deathmatch.
So New York, you can't have blood or weapons.
Because the Athletic Commission still runs wrestling
in New York.
But he figured out if there's no ring, so he just doesn't, he rents out bars and they fight
on the floor of the bar.
I love people's ingenuity.
They like, they've seen how to get what it was.
Forming sorry.
Oh, fuck it.
So they just have like full on barbed wire, light tube matches on the floor of the bar and
the athletic commission can't say boo.
Wow.
It cats and over Valentine. He's casting over Valentine.
He's the man.
But I went to Jersey to do mine and you see this big long.
I was noticing that, dude.
That's a light tube.
Oh, from, really?
Yeah, I was there.
You got a bunch of them, but that long one is right there.
That's a light tube, yeah.
That was a complete freak accident.
But, yeah, he took the light tube and then like crunched it this like,
did like made me head butted this time. Yeah. And it broke jagged and it went in here
and it was wider than my mouth when I had it. It looks like a mouth on top of your head. Yeah,
it was bad. What happened with that religious channel you were on? Oh, we were out. We very
briefly had a TV deal with a religious channel. we kicked off the air for excessive fake blood and
Nobody went really exactly
How you were on that you really bleeding on the thing with the wrestling. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I um
Yeah, I bleed a lot to wish you started on religion
Yeah
I'm serious
Nobody tell Bob boot as a morning
I won't be the leader
We'll make you the we'll make you the the icon. I love it. Yeah, you'll be the figure the hat figure head
I think that that works. I think that's great. Yeah. Yeah, our religion is that you can do and be whatever you want
no judgment. I like that right and Great, yeah. Our religion is that you can do and be whatever you want.
No judgment.
I like that.
Right?
And we don't drink water.
Okay.
Ever.
All right.
Because it's bad for you.
Of course.
The fabulous wallstones.
It's diet soda or some type of juice.
That's the body of your jolt.
If your pee is clear, you kick that out of the religion. You get kicked out of the religion. Yeah, exactly. If your pee is clear, you kick that out of the relic.
Yeah, you get kicked out of that.
Exactly.
If your pee doesn't stink.
Yeah, your pee has to look brown like shit.
Yeah.
You have to be dehydrated at all times.
Yeah, you have to have some type of meat in your teeth.
No flossing.
At any turn, you can be meat checked.
It's called meat check.
When we come down and we pick your teeth, and if there's not a salami or some type of meat,
look at chicken, you get kicked out.
I mean, we're gonna have to be pretty clear about what a meat check is, but.
Yeah, that's right.
No, you do with your dick.
Oh, of course.
And all the leaders can get their dick sucked.
25 was a day.
I'm pretty sure that's how most religions start.
Oh yeah, no, I'm not creating that.
I'm not creating any of that.
We're not bringing the bowl to metal.
No, we're not.
No.
Pretty much.
We're just following the whole way.
You know what I'm saying,
that how many religious started it and then the guys like,
oh, one last thing.
I fuck all your wives.
I'm like, yeah, I'm over already here.
Yeah, I know.
I already sold all my shit.
It's funny how many fucking kids, not funny,
it's just so sad how many kids got fucked
with the Catholic religion.
It was such a great religion for so long.
Santa, Christmas, Rudolph, and these poor kids just
couldn't do.
Two of those things aren't Catholic religious.
Yeah, Santa and Rudolph is.
Rudolph is not.
It's Christmas. I know it's not it's fucking Catholic
It's actually something that you're not supposed to celebrate with them
What is it you're supposed to celebrate Rudolph and Christmas the same thing? It's Jesus's birthday
Yeah, and then first of all I'm talking Catholic. All right. We we do our own thing
I'm Catholic too. Yeah, but yeah, but the whole Christmas winter thing, you know, that's not real like
What do you mean?
So when the Romans were converting to Christianity
There was breaks on that for we were gonna go with that too and most most really fucking put their breaks on it by the way
I thought you know that's not real. I thought we were gonna rip them.
I thought we were gonna rip them St. Frosty.
I thought we were gonna do a bunch of shit,
but you really went, that doesn't match.
So there was a holiday on December 25th.
Yes.
And the emperor in Rome at the time,
who was trying to get everybody to convert Christianity,
just went, that's Jesus's birthday mail.
Really?
Yeah, you look at like when they've done the days
They say Jesus was probably born whole life. They say Jesus was probably born in the summer based on the star
Formations right with the the stars they followed. He's probably born in the summer
But because they wanted to take what it was a pagan holiday that was on December 25th
So they just replaced it with Christmas so that they could get people to transition over easily.
I thought, I read, I saw the movie Zeke Geist and that made sense to me where they said that
his birthday and then the son of God, which is the sun and then three days after that,
the sun starts coming back, the days get longer, which have to do with crops,
which have the darkness is dark,
and that back in the day was terrible,
because you got eaten and fucking killed.
The day is, you know, the light is beautiful,
and the December 25th is the last, am I correct?
It's something like that.
Something like that.
I mean, I mean, I mean, also the Jesus backstory,
like that was all from Egyptian religion.
They just kind of copied it off one or two other people
and made a Jesus story.
Because even if you look at it,
and this is very dumb, I apologize.
We're all dead.
Okay, so nobody's coming here for facts.
The joke.
Nobody has ever listened to YKDBD.
There's no Joe Rogan diehards here.
All my fans take, we got it, Bob.
You're trying?
Yeah.
You guys are doing good.
We got you.
The Gypsum God is raw.
They're a big God is raw.
Raw.
What a Jews call God.
L.
Y.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Our God.
Yeah, for Jews they refer to God as EL attacks.
I didn't know that.
Is Ra-L.
Oh, look at you.
Israel.
I got it.
Yeah, that's from that part.
I'm telling it for him.
But yeah, that's like, that's kind of people think like the connection, how you get from
Egyptian religion, going through the Jews into Christianity.
Right.
There you go.
I'm sorry that was so useless.
That was great.
I mean, I was gonna have fun with Christmas
and it's not in our religion,
but now I know where Israel came from.
Now I'm gonna look that up to see if you're right.
Wanna be great if I just made it all up.
I know, it would be fantastic.
Christmas is just nothing.
That just sucks.
Christmas is Santa.
Where did they get Santa?
I think Christmas is worth all those kids.
Yeah, I'm old eggs, I get you.
Where?
Where did Santa come from?
I think it's European traditions, isn't it?
I don't know, is it?
I think so. I think Nicholas.
Yeah, yeah.
A lot of those, you look at those old
traditions and there's like always some kind of weird racist thing with it too. Yeah, we were looking at the other day on
Real ass podcasts. Thanks much better than that. What is it rap?
We were looking I can't remember what country has a guy named Schwarz-a-Pete
And they just is just people in blackface, but still like they wear a curly wig and full blackface with the red lips and the curly hair. Where is that?
Is that, oh, that's another lens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I know, they do that in a Ruba.
I want to go to Ruba because that's Dutch owned.
They have that.
They have that.
But that's.
What?
Oh, you're already doing better than Gabby.
Listen, I, uh, all right, we got a wrap to some, man.
What a fucking interesting guy you.
I always forget about you.
You know, I always forget how, you know,
I remember when I found out you were by,
I always respect dudes who do that,
especially hanging out with all of us,
because people think that we're just fucking
macho alpha fucking, you know, cis guy.
We're not.
We don't give a fuck about, give a shit about any of that. We, you know, cis guy. We're not. We don't give a fuck about, give a shit about any of that.
We, you know.
And nobody ever really, I never even came out.
I always just talked about it on podcasts
and nobody ever really gave it.
Nobody gives a fuck.
Nobody cares about that gay, straight, black.
None of us give a fuck.
We just care about funny.
Yeah.
Which is what you've always been.
You're fucking lightning fast.
But you're also, you've always been sweet. You're lightning fast. But you're always been sweet.
You're always a nice guy.
Like, which to me, you know, people say,
is he funny?
I'm like, I don't know, but he's a nice guy.
That's the first thing to me that I like.
Is that if you can hang out and just say hi
and shoot the shit and, you know,
and the funny comes after, but you're also that too.
I mean, the roast you murdered.
Thank you, man. Fucking murdered, dude. I mean, the roast you murdered. Thank you, man.
Fucking murdered, dude.
I was so nervous for you, too,
because I wouldn't want that fucking responsibility.
I mean, and you addressed like a moron.
I looked fantastic.
If you bombed, it would have been.
It would have been silly.
It would have been silly,
and it would have been viral for all the wrong reasons.
Just fat clown bombs.
And it would have been great for everybody else.
It would have been awesome.
And you would have allowed Keith off the hook,
which I'm glad you didn't,
because now Keith holds the fucking title
of being the shittiest roast comic.
He can only hold it with one hand, but he holds it.
He hold it.
He hold it.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
He'd hold a pen in the other hand like Bob Dull used to be with then people would assume
he writes jokes.
And we know he.
We know he physically didn't write his own jokes.
Bucket boy guy.
All right, we're going to go on overtime right now.
Zach, what do you got to promote?
You got three podcasts.
Those are podcasts.
Real ass podcast. Buy guys and Zach and Ecos midnight spook show. Now Zach, what do you got to promote? You got three podcasts. Those are the podcasts, real ass podcasts,
buy guys and Zach and Nico's midnight spook show,
all on the gas digital network.
Use the promo code Zach, use the seven day free trial
and $1.50 off a month.
Yeah, and they know that they're coming to see him.
So he gets a little cash from that.
Yeah, that helps.
That does help.
And make sure you check out his movies.
I'm gonna check them out and make sure you check on Tubby. Yep, on Tubby you can watch Catalyst Wrestling or just Google my name you'll see my
wrestling matches in the new movie, hashtag Shakespeare's Shit Storm. Hopefully on Blu-ray in the
next few months but we're still doing screenings. Should have a New York premiere in the next few
months at um we're looking at a couple theaters for like a 500 theaters should be pretty good.
And and of course we're not going to wear it now we're going to Patreon. We're looking at a couple of theaters for like a 500 theaters. Should be pretty good. And of course, we're not going to wear it.
Now we're going to Patreon.
We're going to go around 15, 20 minutes on Patreon.
Only Patreon.com, slash Robert Kelly.
Make sure you go over there
and make sure you go to Robert Kelly Live.com.
I'm going to be at the warehouse
in Fairfield, Connecticut this weekend.
And then the beautiful comedy on state,
December 9 through the 11th, laugh it
up, Pekipsi in January, Uncle Vinnie's Lincoln, Lodge Theatre, McKenry, and all in Michigan,
Kyle Takruz. I got so many dates, Robert Kelly live, calm, come see me live. That's what
I do. And I'm really fucking funny. And I'll say it to your face.
wearables.com, comicwearables.com, YKWD shits up there, you got the hoodies are all there,
you got the Skankfest YKWD hat, you got the Skankfest YKWD hat.
Now, fuck all those, go back up for YK wd let's get my kid to be with the hoodies
are awesome the new hoodies man are out
so go get the yk wd hoodies
click on the second one there that's the skankfest local every those hats are
gone
they were sold out at skankfest
uh...
we had a beautiful artist from philly
kevin
kevin didn't make those.
He's only Prince him.
He Prince him.
No.
I don't know the artist.
We're going to put it in here.
We're going to tag him right here.
Forget the Instagram name.
He's awesome.
He made that for us.
Anyways.
Go stick around.
It's not over yet.
This episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber.
Kelly. See you there. Continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash rubber Kelly
See you there. All right. We're gonna read these names, dude
Happy toe. We have to read names. Uh, we you know, you join the patreon man. I don't just let it slide
I read your fucking names mom the fucko cuz I'm bad ass Bob Kelly. That's my new nickname
Hell yeah, we think about that? Bad ass, Bob. Yeah, bad ass, Bob.
Bobby badass?
Bobby badass, Bobby badass.
How would you say that with the new podcast?
You're gonna meet you and mush,
you're gonna be on Bobby badass.
How's that?
I'm gonna go ahead to head with rap.
Fuckin' rap.
The funniest thing about Lewis is that he had this fucking dumb
podcast for so long.
The rattlesnake and it wasn't a rat.
It was a cobra.
Yeah.
And Bay.
But he was like, I don't give a shit.
Yes, you do.
You fucked up, dummy.
You dumb fan made you a fucking cobra instead of a rattlesnake.
God, do I love that kid?
Here we go. We're gonna read these names. Go ahead. Zach, you read them.
All right, we've got big E.
Flames joke 89 as I flames jocs.
Jocs. Flames joc.
Marcus Salen, Jake Sloyer, Jake Ryan, sweet chase Alan Danny Frittado, Michael Scott,
Danny Sear, Alexandria Splendory, field and carpenter, Jason Leonard Bryan, a brew baker,
Mr. Bido, beef cannon bill. That's another great name for Bob.
I like that one.
Christie Sanders, Jack Zerner, evil incarnate,
Yani Yompolski, Ryan Rice, Colin, Rob Uels, and Duffman.
You guys got to be very happy you joined because this month we got Joe DeRosa coming on
next week live, 3 p.m.
and then we got the Yankee fucking Swapah
is gonna be happening live from the Pussycat bar,
the new Comedy Cellar Comedy Club.
Right next to the Pussycat lounge, just a little bigger.
We're going live for the very first time.
We have a very special Santa Claus appearance.
You got Joe list, aka the truth.
You got Dan Soda, aka corporate Dan, and you got Lewis J Gomez, aka the rattlesnake.
Of course, me, the regs, mush.
You got NuNiki and you got jokes rough
So we're gonna be there doing this live get your tickets now. It's going to sell out. It's a hundred cedar
It's gonna be gone once the seller puts it up. They're gone get your seats. Don't email me. Don't DM me
Don't fucking blah blah. Hey dude, do you think I've been a fifth for a long time?
It's going to go December 15th
9.35. I don't know why 9.35 p.m. fat black pussy cat bar say that five times real fast
I'll say something horrible now do it. No, okay fat black pussy cat
There we go. Why kid. This is gonna be awesome awesome dude. We've never done the Yankee swap live and
We're gonna have these posters are gonna be available for we're gonna have the guy sign them and only at the show
You're gonna get these live and signed and that's it
We might have a couple on the website on laugh button and this is all presented by laugh button the podcast network
That I am on
and that here's a scenario,
all of us are on,
the AK used to be riot cast,
is now the laugh button podcast network.
And this show is being presented by them.
This is their first live event
that they're putting on with me
in cooperation with me.
Is that how you say it?
And I'm excited.
I'm excited they have the network behind me
and to put this show on, these posters will be available.
The show's gonna be available.
It's gonna be a hot ticket.
So make sure you get to get these tickets now.
What else?
I just love you, Con Cornelius Dan, that's awesome.
It's great, right?
What about the heat miser Gomez? It's great too. It's great, right? What about the heat miser Gomez?
That's great too.
It's a great poster.
What else do we got?
Zach, make sure you check him out.
He's on podcast networks, on gas digits,
he's got three of them.
He's got movies coming out.
And he's also wrestling on 2B.
He does a ton of shit.
And I've always loved this kid.
I'm glad we had a night and just me and you hung out.
It was real great pop. It was awesome, man. I'm fucking love had a night and just me and you hung out. It was real great
Poppa it was awesome, man. I fucking love you come back on again. Would you yeah? Absolutely? I want to steal him from Lewis
It's amazing. I know well, let's not get carried away here
And most thanks for sitting in and stealing Gabby spot
All right, that's it. We'll see you guys next week. You know what dude?
Listening to YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.
Now go back to your shitty jobs. you