Rooster Teeth Podcast - Bird Scooter Horror Stories | RT Podcast - #767

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

This week the gang talks Bird scooters: the convenience of scooters and the HORROR of scooters. Is the ride worth the risk? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Risteteer Production. Welcome to the only show that the New York Times once called to renew its subscription. It's the R&T podcast. I am your host, Armando Torres, and joining me is the person who actually wrote that joke. It's Andrew Roses. Hey, it's me. Hello. And joining us also is?

My can's all messed up on the topic. For us, for your audio listener, she just said, my can is messed up on the bottom. She's talking about a physical can of water. Yeah. Oh, I think she's talking about her ass. Yeah. No, I've got a can of water of a certain brand and it has exploded on the bottom in a way that I don't know how it happened. And they all do that from that certain brand. Only if they don't sponsor us. Yeah, if this brand, we're sending this episode to Liquid Death or whoever it is. You might have just heard of Beep right there.

And then, and telling us, telling them if you don't sponsor an episode, we're gonna tell everyone that your cans explode. These are organic, these are our demands. Thank you, Jesse Ventura. We have a great show for you today. We are playing a very trippy version of who am I. We're giving you some good advice on how to tell people that they're gross.

And as always, why did we cut to this? Why did you see one there, though? Wow. Also, why did you guys cut to me? You guys, man. That's so mean. Catchin' fucking straight is over there. I just got a shot. Wow. Wow. Why do you guys cut to me? You guys cut. That's so mean. Catching fucking straight is over there.

I just got the shot. And of course, we'll be turning headlines, the punchlines and always on. Yes, baby. But before we get to any of that, I just found out that they banned bird scooters in Paris. Oh, that makes sense. Oh, yeah.

About lime scooters though. I think all scooters. I don't think it was just bird scooters in Paris. Oh, that makes sense. Oh, yeah. About lime scooters though. I think all scooters, I don't think it was just bird scooters. They got the kick. Okay, so is that a ban on like commercialized scooters or can you have like a personal one? That I don't know. I mean, I went to, I went to Pally. And I had a fucking awful time

because the only way to get around is to bike. And I don't know if you can see it by looking at me, but the last time I rode a bike was when I learned how to ride one. I would argue not just like a city, but maybe a country and continent not built for a man of your stature. Yeah, 100%.

I hit my head, first of all, I just, I hit my head on so much shit. Yeah. Secondly, Hammer and call me by your name. Don't get that duck in there and everything. I had to do that. It was too tall for Italy and so we're here. They're so small. They're such small people.

The only time I felt at home was in the McDonald's. In, because I feel like everything is built with our proportions in a McDonald's. They built those to scale no matter where you go. Yeah, 100%. And so I didn't have a very good time when I was there. And a majority of what I did to get around was biking through the city.

And then one night we got super drunk and then I took a bird scooter. And it was the best because it felt like such a huge insult to all of the history and all of the people that have lived there that were important and cool and you're just like, imagine literal history surrounding you, buildings that are centuries old. And you're just riding through on the bird's-could-a-wee.

You are crop-dusting puke along the streets of Paris as you ride your bird's-could-a-drunk. I'm just like every road is cobblestone. So I'm just imagining a bird scooter trying to just bump into the cobblestone path. That was the worst part about fucking biking. This part's not even a joke, because the cobblestones are basically just making it so that the bike seat is just... I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm justop, boop. Yeah, over the cobblestone path. That was the worst part about fucking biking. This part's not even a joke,

because the cobblestones are basically just making it so that the bike seat is just punching you in your taint constantly. That's what you're saying. Yeah, well, I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to ride a bike like a cool person. Oh, ha, ha, ha. I never learned that part.

You can't pedal with no hands. No, can't do that. No, instead the bike was doing a different kind of pegging. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, doing a different kind of pegging. Yeah. I was sure writing them. I sure as hell was. Yeah, it was awful. It was just like getting punched in the G spot a hundred times a second.

For a few G spots. Oh, right on my taint. Okay. Right between the balls and the asphalt. It says tilt. It's like a pen mom machine. Yeah, it's fucking terrible, but I, uh, I felt personally, um, I don't know, but trade. I feel like this is a not popular opinion. I love bird scooters. I love them so much. Um, I used to. Why did you? That's, that's, that's, okay. That sounds like I used to before the accident

There was an accident. Oh, okay, the accident didn't keep me from liking bird scooters I just feel like I moved to a place where they were no longer convenient So then I got scared of them when I moved back to a place where they were convenient But I did have an accident before before that didn't keep me Was your accident? Do you remember, I feel like we talked about this before they took the governors off. They go real fast.

So the scooters used to go as fast as they could go. So like if you were going downhill, I think I caught 28 miles an hour one time, like going downhill. So those things would go fast. And I was on one one day, I was going to HBU, I was just trying to get some frozen peas and carrots because I wanted to make a shepherd's pie like you do.

And I was out of, it was a four way stop. And I was going, I had the right of way, but a car was also coming. And I went to hit the brakes and there were no brakes. So when I, there was a bell, there was, though the brakes just didn't work on the screen. Oh, okay. Oh, fully. So it said, please deposit five more dollars to access. No, the break just didn't work on the screen. Oh, okay.

Oh, fully. It said, please deposit five more dollars to access breaks. Yeah, yeah. I thought you did whatever I do whenever I try to break on those things where I go, and then it goes, Ding, Ding, Ding. I don't know if they had bells on them at the time, but it was very early on. So I skid it to the side and I hit the curb. And I don't know, you know, I lived in Mueller

at the time, it's always under construction. So I fully hit a curb, went over the handlebars and like skidded across like a gravel pit. And I had like, you see that dark mark? And I had gravel embedded in my arm for a week. Oh my god. And then I had like road rash all down the side of my body. And then I had that dark mark

is also where some rocks got put in my hands. Oh, god. And then I had like road rash all down the side of my body. And then I had that dark mark is also where some rocks got put in my hands. Oh, yeah. But that didn't keep me from scooting. And it also didn't keep me from finishing my trip to HB. No. So I just went to HB fully just bloody because then I was like, well, I gotta clean this out.

So I just like went to the back. I bought, I gotta put just stuff off the shelf, went to the bathroom, clean myself up. We could go pay for it. Fucking like Harrison Ford and the fugitive. Yeah clean myself up. We could go pay for it. Fucking like Harrison Ford in the fugitive. Yeah, basically. I'm gonna go pay for it, and I'm in line with like my frozen peas

and all of the medical supplies that I use. And I get a tap on the shoulder and it's Tyler Coe who used to work here. And he was like, oh, okay, what the fuck? And I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, and I was like, what? And I looked down and there's just a huge streak of red across my front. And I was like, oh? And I looked down and there's just a huge streak of red across my front.

And I was like, oh no, no, no, that's not the blood. That's from where they painted on the ground, like the stuff, you know, with the construction, they just like paint right in numbers on the ground. I skinned it over that so hard that it came off on my white shirt. And it just looked like I had a huge blood stain, but the blood was here.

So it was fine. She's a sh- And I lived a scoot another day. Yeah, that's not what preventing you from keeping me from stopping at all. No, God no. I love the early era of the scooters. It's first of all, you were talking about a speed governor which you don't need on any scooter I do

because my body is the speed governor. It won't be the opposite. No, you think so, but it doesn't work that way. Every time I hop on any scooter I do because my body is the speed governor. It's gonna be the opposite. No, you think so, but it doesn't work that way. Every time I hop on a scooter, Andrew will tell you, because we took a bunch of them during RTX. Yeah, that's right. That scooting with me is looking back

and like being like, why is yours going through my house now? The battery must be dead or something. It must be in it. No, it's me. I'm holding it back. Try to move the little like rocket bikes. I have tried those.

It's a very similar thing. Anything that I, any vehicle I choose to ride is much like a romantic partner I have. And then I will hold you down and hold you back so that you cannot express your full potential. And it's not a thing I do on purpose. It's just a thing I do with being shitty apparently. Oh, I stepped onto this boot, Bird's Gruder,

and I swear to God it went gop. I've done that a bunch of times. You guys have seen me break furniture before. Oh yeah, I've been through a lot of these chairs. Yeah, and not all of them are my fault. Some of them are just the chair being shitty. Yeah. But I will cop to about half of them.

Which is a number bigger than you should have. Yeah. When the bird scooters first came out, at least when they came out in San Diego, San Diego people had a pretty differing opinion on them. Some people would collect them and then throw them into the ocean. And that was like a huge part of our, of San Diego time

when the bird's scooters came was just like, okay, well, these things keep washing up in the ocean. That's the most Boston thing I've ever heard. Yeah, it's a real, Boston bullshit. It's like, yeah, that's, we, you can throw things in the ocean and start a country or you can get bird scooters out of your city those are the two things you can accomplish. The other half of them were the other side of the Boston movement where we would we would take the bird scooters and break them open and basically disconnect the wires for their GPS tracking and a bunch of other stuff. Have you ever been to an arcade where they opened up

the machine so that you can just flip the thing and now you can play for free? We basically do that with the bird scooters. So you could break it open and then just write it whenever you want. And then it just became a normal scooter that you can just have. We do that all the time until at least I think started building their own scooters or modifying them in a way where you can do that anymore. You can do that anymore. Yeah, but I remember I had a bird scooter that I

owned in the gas lamp district of San Diego. And I also, I didn't take it home or anything because I couldn't do that. So what I would do is I just bought a bike lock and I would just lock it up to a thing. And then- Still with the full branding on it? Oh yeah, 100%. Also just wires dragging down, by the way,

because we didn't, I didn't know. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know what part to cut off. It looked like a fully kit-bashed, hacked steam punk, fucking bird scooter. Yeah, I was trying to have the back. It looked like I fully kit-bashed hacked steam punk fucking bird scooter. Yeah, I was really trying to have them back. It looked like I picked up the bird scooter that Kayla wiped out and just started writing it again.

Yeah, we're opposite sides of the same coin in that that's how you treated the scooters. And then what I did to get free rides was I signed up for the charging program. So what I would do is I would get a scooter and I'd write it here to work and then I'd plug it up at work, charge it all day, get paid for that, and then just write that one back home,

and then pick up another one when I got home, charge that one overnight, and then rinse and repeat. And that pretty much after a while pays for itself. That's really smart. That's brilliant. You know what's really funny? The first time I ever wrote a bird scooter was with you at RTX this year. I'm on the first time I've ever been on one of those. Yeah. What would say, what was your hesitation to do it? I think around the time that like they were

becoming popular, I lived at the time like too far away for birds to be like feasible for me Plus everyone I know it was like people every every week another person I know was like well broke my ankle or well I have a spiral fracture in my fucking rate like my fucking wrist because Yeah, once a week one of my friends was like, well, I totally, shit, like downtown or going somewhere, or like going to HV or something. And so it was just like, I don't know, like one, I live too far away, two,

I don't trust myself enough. Like I know my friends are like, you know, dropping like flies. Your problem is that your friends are all your age, which is like 50, 60. And this is true, yeah, exactly. I mean, they were going to catch their social security checks and laughing out, yeah, exactly. My friends were also crashing out,

but they were like in their 20s and early 30s. So they're like, oh, that kind of hurt. Yeah, there's like some of the ones- That's you when I wiped out. Yeah, a little beer, I'll put out that fire. Glutton, yeah. Except for the people that were in their early 30s where they would go, oh, they really

hurt. And then inside they'd be like, fuck that really hurt. That really fucking hurt. I shouldn't have just been like that. I looked like being in the early 30s wiping out me. Oh, that really hurt. Well, that's going to be a limp in my 60s. That's going to do long lasting damage.

I can't wait to sew when I reap now. I'm just going to be like, oh, my God. Fucking loved bird scooters when I lived in San Diego because, uh, they're free for you. They're free. They're, well, yeah, they were free, but also when we were paying for them, I just love them. Even here, I love them. They're so fun to just get on a scooter and fucking

too around. Yeah. Yeah. The seal again one day and do a bird scooters. Yeah. I think we should be bird scooting all the time. I haven't done it since the pandemic. Actually, when I knew that the pin that locked down

was a what was winding down was I was sitting on my porch and I saw like two drunk men scoot by me and I was like, nature's healing. Yeah, it's you both have met my partner before, right? Yes. One of the first dates we ever had, we went to a bar in downtown Los Angeles. And at the time, I also lived in downtown Los Angeles.

And I was nervous, and we went to, we got to the bar, and the bouncer goes, okay, I'm gonna need to see both of your IDs, because apparently I look under 21. I've never looked at myself and been like, that's a child. I feel like you get carted because of the company you keep

more than anything. That is slanderous, I think. What do you mean? That's not it because what you said was, I think you get carted because you hang out with children. No, I feel like everyone just looks like a child next to you. Ah, okay.

I feel like if you walk up, they're like, oh, he's here to take my shift. I have a serious problem in that. If I sit too close to any door at a bar, people will hit me. Yeah, I do. And then you go $5 cover. Yeah, and you can get away with that about seven times.

And then you got to get the fuck out. Yeah. Uh, stay tuned for a next cold open, which I feel like might be that exact question. You just trying to scam your way. I've done. Okay. The worst thing that I've ever done in that regard is that, uh, this guy goes, uh, my

girls from out of state, she doesn't have her ID and I just said 20 bucks and he gave me 20 bucks and then we left the bar and we just went to a different bar That was also in Cindy Cindy goes a lawless place man. It's really the wild west out there. It's fucking awesome Cindy ego is just like it's where you go to become a full-time alcoholic. Oh sick I put those here. No, this is what I would call the minor leagues. Really? Cause they're like, here's the thing.

This is where you go when you're like in your 20s, and you're like in college, and you're like learning how to drink. San Diego is not a fun alcoholic place. Everyone is just going, yeah, I'm gonna get wet brain and then I'm gonna die. So this is a fun alcoholic place. If you survive San Diego alcoholism, where you go is alcoholics,

which is Fort Lauderdale. You gotta swear. Like, capital HF high functioning alcoholics. These are people, these are career boozers. These are those fuckers that we see on that screen. Yeah, these are people who like daily drink a fifth of vodka, like daily at least. And they're all having the best time, but they're all completely wasted.

There are places in San Diego that have deals that are like dollar shot night or something. And you hear that and you go, shit I bet that place is gonna be Bang in with a bunch of like like sexy young people and then you get there And it is the saddest fucking people you've ever seen all fighting for a turn over the slot machine that they have Don't even think it's legal. It's my turn to play newty photo hunt Get out get get away. I don't want to. I need to stop doing that doing Southern accent for drunk idiot.

Really quick. I was for a local Alexa. Sure. Yeah. You reminded me of something, which was, I saw this, this, this, I saw this, this news article from Florida, believe it or not. Two men scammed Uber Eats out of more than $1 million. Right. Yeah.

So, two men were arrested this week for scamming Uber Eats out of more than $1 million in deliveries. Basically, what they would do is that there's two of them. One of them would become an Uber Eats driver. And then one of them would act as the customer, and they would place an order for pickup under a fake name, and accept them as delivery driver, the Uber driver would then provide him with a pre-authorized and pre-loaded credit card to make purchases, where he could make up to $700 in a single order.

Then as the customer, one of them would cancel the order and then proceed to purchase a gift card with the refund that Uber was trying to give them. So they would essentially get $1,400 every time they did this. And they did it so often that they they got, they racked up a million dollars. See, that is an instance where that is so, that is so both ingenious and pains take, like that is so tedious and so genius. And the fact that it went on so long that they were, it was, you only get $1,400 a transaction and they racked up a million dollars. I'm sorry, Uber Eats, charge it to the game. You got fucking, you got fucking God.

That is 100% on you. I am up time team. These guys should get to keep the money. Yeah, that should have been like a $10,000 bit maximum before they caught on. Like, I'm learning how much of a scumbag I am. Because I read that my first thought was like, I'm learning how much of a scumbag I am. I read that in my first thought was like, I'm okay with it. But only because not a single other customer was harm.

Yeah. No person looks harm. Yeah. Just some VC fund. Yeah. Like you said, no person was harm. Yeah. I feel bad because like back in the day, there used to be this thing where we would call it. We would call it the door dash, the door dash. Oh, fuck.

So we had a door dash and ditch. Yeah. Door and dash or something. Dining, dining door dash. Dining door dash. Basically, it was whenever you were fucking fed up and finally done with DoorDash, you would just go and pick up orders and then cancel. You just cancel. I can't do it. And then it would time you out for about 20 minutes. This was also like early DoorDash and specifically early postmates

back in the day. Back when postmates would straight up again, give you a fucking credit card. Yeah, I think they still do okay That's awesome. You shouldn't do that evidence by these two guys favorite does that to have some of my favorite card Oh my god, oh that's the worst one though because you just go to HEB Grocery pick up and you say hey, I'm a favorite driver and they just give you a card and you don't sign anything or They just give it to you. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of fucked up That's what anyway That's what we used to's what we used to do

is we used to just you would pick up the big orders and then that's when you'd be like, I'm done. And then you would quit. And then you would just take those orders and you just have big orders. Or and this is again, not very good advice. But there's a Chipotle downtown Los Angeles that has a giant wall of DoorDash order pickups

that they do not monitor at all. And frequently poor comedians have been known to just walk in there because the outfit of a poor comedian and a DoorDash driver are the one and the same. Very similar. I mean, because they're both me. Yes. I mean, and frequently are the same person.

It's not even like, oh, it's an overlap of look. No, it's the same. It's the same. Yeah, absolutely. And so there was a lot of people that just walked right in there and just fucking, boop. Those are the times where like, those I feel bad for both the driver

who had to show up and be like, when is the fuck harder? And the customer who's just like, gonna be mad at the driver. Yeah. That is not a victimless crime. No, yeah. That sucks.

And that's the kind of stuff that I feel bad about. Stealing a fucking scooter from Lime Scooter. I don't feel shit about it. No, that didn't hurt anyone. These guys scamming Uber Eats for a million dollars. No one's hurt. That fucking rock. Here are rules.

I think it's awesome. I think they should be let out. Free the Uber too. Free the Uber to eat boys. I would go one step further and say that not only should they be set free, but Uber should hire them as their new heads of security. Exactly. Oh, fucking, fucking, abnail it.

Like catch me if you can. Like hire them to be like the fraud security. Exactly. Oh, fucking, fucking, abnail it, like catch me if you can, like hire them to be like the fraud special. Exactly. Exactly. Fucking, I don't know. Whiteheading for, yeah, whitehead. I'm sorry. What was that? They should be praised. They should be praised. Okay. I don't know why I thought you said they should be priests. I also heard that. Yeah. They should be be. They should be priests. Oh, right. Okay. Well, two Florida men scam the church. I don't do million dollars. Also victimless. I mean, they fed the 5,000. They turn one who reads a county to 5,000 and fed the 5,000. Yeah, exactly. Well, speaking of scumbags, we're three of them and we're about to play a very scummy version of our favorite game called

Who am I and I'm glad that you're here to join us. Let's check it out. Who am I? Welcome to everybody's fourth favorite game who am I? I am sitting here with my two very best friends, Andrew Rosas, hello, and Griff Milton, and we're going to be playing a guessing game where we'll each have a card taped to the top of our heads and we'll go around asking each other questions, trying desperately to figure out who we are. And this week our theme is drugs.

Ooh, yeah. We're mature. And this week our theme is drugs. Ooh. Ooh. You know, we're mature. According to our friends and human resources, we are the most drug-friendly group within the company. So we thought that it would be a very fitting topic for us to tackle and then take behind the scenes. So on the count of three, we are going to lift these cards up onto our heads.

You guys ready? Let's do it. Yeah. Andrew is Ayahuasca, a psychedelic cactus. How's that? How's that looking? That's good. Yeah.

Very sweet. All right. Armando is steroids. reason Barry bonds became a legend Very good. Yeah, very nice Griff is well-buterin the anti-depressant the cheese current on Take a first. Oh, all right. Yeah, Take a first. All right. Yeah.

Griff, kick us out. Molly. Now, why would that be your first choice? Well, it usually is. Griff is ahead of fucking drop of serotonin and dopamine in your body since 2012. Now, you see those videos of like, those hydraulic presses like squeezing pennies into one thing, that's her body trying to get dopamine

and serotonin out of the fucking pituitary gland. To be fair, my entire life has felt like a fucking press, pressing my body there. I see. The oppressiveness of life, Andrew. I don't know how to do that. I see. The oppressiveness of life, Andrew. Would our group of friends do me to, like,

to feel, I'll just say would my group of friends do me? Would my friends do me? I would say it depends on which group of friends. If it's us, yes. If it's maybe some of your other dorkier friends, maybe not. Maybe not. Ooh, okay. Interesting. My dorkier friends. And also I would text my church group.

I would say, and this might be giving you a little bit too much, I would say that yours is a kind of drug where maybe a guy would do it. And he would be maybe the one that you don't want to hang out with the most. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. Question, question. Am I, a question I ask all my groups of friends eventually. Am I a downer?

No. No, not usually. No, not usually. No, not usually. No, most of the time, no. Okay, I would say 90% of the time now. 90% of the time now. Interesting. Okay.

Okay. Um, not to get too topical, would I be stuck in the mud at Burning Man right now? Because somebody dropped me out of a backpack. I think a lack of having you as a necessary part of going to burning man. I don't think you're allowed within the gates. Okay. What drug isn't allowed at burning man? I think I think it should be I think by the way I think it should be I they should probably start hiding it in the sandwiches that they hand out.

Yeah. But no, I don't think that you would be at the top of the list of pregnant drugs. Yeah, yeah, you're not gonna meet somebody in the world's grossest porta-pottie to like get some of the other. Okay. Okay, so a group of our non-dorky friends might do me.

Weirdly enough, you on the other hand, you might end up in a dirty part of my life. So, okay. Um, okay. Who, um, do I, can I buy, can I get a prescription for me? Um, no. No. Do I, can I buy, can I get a prescription for me? No, no. No, okay. No, I can't, I can't say, hey doc, I'm,

I need to go to, hey doc, I'm stuck in a porta potty and that burning man, please, you're writing me a script. You can't get a script, but you do have to know a very specific person to get it. Probably also somebody that calls themselves a doctor. Yeah, I would say. Yeah.

Okay, for sure. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, for my question, has a United States president ever admitted to trying me in college? Ah! Ah!

Oh no. No. No! Ah! Um, no. No. No, no, no. So I'm not marijuana. No. I'm not cocaine. No. And I'm not writing weird bisexual poems to try to get-

You're not brother-global, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know- By the way, if you don't know, brother Obama wrote weirdly bisexual poems in high school or college college, yeah. I was just kidding. You're also to get that- Yeah, to get that day that day then pussy. Yeah exactly. He was ahead of his

time. I'm never related to Barack Obama more. Yeah. I've never related less. Let me see. Okay. So I'm not Molly, which okay. That little face of so I'm not Molly. Okay. Okay. What's the fucking point? I'm not notullied. Okay. Okay. I get that point. I'm not a burning man, which is insane. Yeah. No, you're not a torrential rain ruining a weekend for a bunch of rich yetis.

If a loved one was on me, would you be disappointed, like actually disappointed? I'm Very interesting. I think that's a very interesting question. I think it depends on which side of the family. Because if it was my white family, I think it'd be pretty par for the quarter. Sure.

If it was my Mexican family, I think they'd be pretty disappointed in taking me to church. Okay. Yeah, I'd say that's probably accurate. So I was going to say. I'm not a crack cookin'. Well, no.

Yeah, no, I don't want to give you any more information. I think that's a good. Yeah, so black tour and cracker out. Again, I don't think that's true because I want to remind you that I specified the white side of my family. Yeah. Doing it in huge numbers. Oh God. And that's just Milwaukee. Well doing, well doing me give you great business ideas. I would I would I be so excited about a venture.

Honestly, I think doing you might make you never want to work again. Yeah. I think doing you would make you want to burn down the business world. Yeah. Okay, go Tyler Durden on the ship. Yeah. Okay. Okay, interesting.

In a lot of ways. Yeah. All right. I'm there. I'm going to go have gay sex. Okay. Cool. Cool. Don't clip that. I'm gonna go have gay sex. I'm gonna go, cool, cool. Don't clip that.

Actually, can we only release that please? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna clip that to my email directly. Wow, RT Podcast was fucking weird today. It was just a two-second clip. A clip of Asher saying I'm gonna have gay sex. And what's the meaning of getting it clean? I'm gonna have gay sex. There we go would you need to get it clean? I'm gonna have gay sex.

There we go. That's actually the poem that brought you. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not trying to be already in the most artless way. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm what this is? Yeah. The fuck up. Okay, are there multiple ways to intake me? Yes. Yeah, okay. Injust. Yeah.

All right, interesting. Interesting. At least two. Yeah, there's two. There's like two proper ways. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Was I invented by the Sackler's, the Sackler family make me and decimate the entire Pennsylvania community? Did I ruin Pennsylvania and or West Virginia? No. No. I'm looking at what drugs they made because I do not know.

The Sackler's. It's a oxy- Oh, yeah. Yeah, oxy- And oxy, mostly oxy cotton. Yeah, they have to know. The answer is no. Okay.

What the fuck? Okay. If I, Hold on, oxy cotton was made by one family. Yeah. That's the sacred family. That's dope.

Yeah, they're bad. We just heard a whole generation of people. Yeah, they did. We started making oxy cotton in our backyard. It's just, which is family. Basically how they marketed it. They yet. It just, which is family operation. Basically how they marketed it. They were like, no, ours is good.

Because you only take it once and then you don't get it. Oh, no. Because it lasts for 12 hours. No, no, no, no. I've never known anyone who's taking it back to cotton. No, no, no. They're like, you take it once for 12 hours. So you're not popping pills all day.

And then they're like, I'm gonna pop these pills all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, you truly, the pringles. Yeah. Once you pop, yeah, yeah. Now, truly the pringles of- Yeah. Once you pop, you cannot stop. Yeah. Okay, so I have, if I did me, I'd not want to work anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you think I, Andrew Roses, have ever done this drug? No. No. Okay. No, but also I want to be clear, my idea of you, Andrew Roses have ever done this drug. No. No. Okay. No, but also I wanna be clear, my idea of you, Andrew Roses is a fucking nerd ass door.

Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, but I am. Oh wait, shut, okay. So I don't know that almost any drug that could have been up there on your forehead. That's true, that's true. Okay, okay. I've already asked my question, but I was gonna rephrase.

I mean, you can rephrase it. Okay. Would you want to see me, Andrew Roses, on this drug? This is see you've wasted your question again, because I also want to see you on every drug. Yeah, yeah. I have been slowly, Tyler, over there, producer, giving a huge thumbs up.

Can we get that special sandwich? I need for Andrew before this unrelated. I'm getting unrelated. Okay, yeah, that could, again, a bad question, but a fun question, because I wanted to see you right now. I think it tells you a little bit though, because you know that, I'm being 100% genuine, I would wanna see you on it,

and it wouldn't, it's not because I wanna see you ruin your life. Correct. So that's the helpful information. That's the helpful information there. Yeah, yeah. Because there's something to be like, do you want to see me on this? And it's like, yes, but in a, like, such a controlled environment because I don't want

to see you die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Um, I think I know what it might be, but I'm going to ask, uh, can you overdose and die on me? Yes. I mean, that's like anything though. That is true. And that's true.

You don't hear about that happening at all. Yes. Very, very good caveat. You don't hear about that happening. You could, but yeah, you could, but you don't hear about it happening. It's not the thing. Fuck.

All right, well, that kind of fucked me up. Yeah, it grew in the show life in the other ways. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right, well that kind of fucked me up. Yeah, it ruined your life in other ways. Oh, yeah, okay All right, okay. Am I Xanax? No, no, no, no, okay, okay, okay But oh, but that again that's like who who wouldn't want to be seen, okay? I've been putting bath salts in every meal that I've ever made. Hell yeah. The way the open table grinder salt is on the,

yes. Oh my god. I put that on my salad. Yeah. Shit. Well, to be fair, you were eating face salad in Florida. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Man, remember when those stories were coming out like every month?

Oh yeah. I know, yeah. Just people like eating face. No, it's just starting all over this is by cops touching it. Yeah. Something that you'd have to dump like seven gallons of on yourself and like let dry for it to give you the yeah. Yeah, yeah, and it definitely has that one reaction where your heart rate speeds up really fast

which is definitely what it does. Yeah, it's definitely what it does. It like, yeah, it's definitely not a downer that actually suppresses your breathing. And yeah, it's me. I feel like you guys are saying the cops are doing cocaine. No, I'm just saying. So we guys are saying maybe there are little babies

that touch it and then they have a panic attack. They have a panic attack because it's actually a downer and would actually make you like, it acts more like heroin than it does like speed or come to the gutter. Okay, so I'm doing a little bit. So, okay. Ooh, would having me on me land me in jail.

Like, what I do time for having, if a cop patting me down, I was like, what's this? I think put your hands behind your back. I'm trying to... I don't think they would know what it was. I don't think they would know what it was. I don't think they would know what it is. I don't think they'd be able to visually identify it. Let's just say that you have the ultimate,

oh, it's just water in a water bottle, that vodka has drug possible. Yeah. Wild, okay. Interesting. This is my PC. I don't know. Yeah, yeah.

This is my Arizona's 99 cents. Yeah, you could just get away with it. Yeah. Interesting. Okay, I think, okay. I think I have an idea of what this is, but. Okay. Interesting.

That's a good information. They wouldn't know what it is. They couldn't be like, This is gonna be a pointed question. I feel like. You're through a lawful lesson. I'm not big in the Houston rap scene. My big deal.

Did you see me hanging out in H town in two double up styrofoam cups? Yeah. Would you say that I'm still tipping? Would you say your, um, double cup low? Would you take me and then put a song in half time and make it double repeat itself a couple times and be like rock so I fucking love this music. Yeah, unfortunately no. Ah damn. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I just watched a video by the way, apropos, nothing of the double exel freshman freestyle is. Yeah. Which if you're unfamiliar out there, double exel is a magazine, which is like a

website on paper, that every year they have a bunch of rappers come out. And I had not seen 21 savages fresh and freestyle. He's a fucking Brit. It's tea time Oh, Ron pink roll pinkies out on your start from cup 21 Savage got deported because it turns out he's actually a British citizen that had been moved here when he was a baby That is fucking funny. I hear my mate 21, Savage Tellet, you're a fan of me. Ah, ah, ah, okay. That's what he says pussy so much.

He's trying to convince his thing. He wouldn't say family. That's funny. That's it. Fuck. He got me um. Okay, I'm not Molly and I'm not Santa X and Mondo's white side of the family would be okay doing

me but not his Mexican side. And so they take you to church. Oh, okay, no, okay, I know of this, I know this Okay, no, okay, I know it is, I know this. Am I like Supra? No, no. But I may have made it to Uber's Pacific. Am I anti-depressant? Yes. So now you can either name all of the anti-depressants.

Or... Am I will be shaking? Yeah! But now you can either name all of the antidepressants or my will be sure. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. It's not even SSR.

We went over this. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but we have started writing the cards for each other. So what we did was we each wrote one card targeted at the other person and passed it to our left clockwise. And that was for you. I'm on the maximum legal. Yeah, you're taking so much well, but you're basically on lean right now. Actually, it's an upper. Oh, yeah, interesting.

Enter we have a Hail Mary. Yeah, one shot one shot. Okay. Is everything you've ever wanted. Here we go. I'm looking into the I'm looking to the camera. Am I? I was gonna. Yes, yeah, are you sure? Yeah. Okay, curry. That's fucking sucks. Speaking of curry, you're turned. Oh, that's fucking sucks. Speaking of curry, your turn. Oh, that's racist. Okay, I am not You can't overdose on me. People usually don't. Okay.

There's more than one way to ingest me. Okay, there's more than one way to ingest me. Did you like to know how you're taken? No, well, because I feel like this is my last guess. I can't ask a question. I got a guess. I feel like we should give you one more guess so you can answer. Fine. And I feel like the sister of the last one, if you need clarification, those are the only we've already said.

Sure, sure. How is it that I'm interested? Orally and by injection. A lot of time, I will clarify it, a lot of times by injection. Yeah, mostly injection. People don't overdose on me. One of the more ways to take me, probably injection.

I feel like, am I steroids? Yes, holy shit! Holy shit! Yeah! I feel like Am I steroids? Holy shit Holy shit Fuck three way finish her first time that's happened Holy drugs it happened the first time to Holy shit so funny this is the second time this has happened It's such a fucking hell there because I'm like, okay, so you can overdose on it. There's multiple ways to ingest it.

It's not like a fun party drive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm baking off of this, because I was thinking, I was thinking like, my fucking, what would you call it? Like Dark Horse Pick was like, maybe it's Hashi's, but I don't think that's true, because of the overdose thing of it.

Like it being dangerous. It's like honestly, thinking about, I mean, it's awesome that you guessed it because if you do put those kind of triangulation clues around and it's like, you mostly inject it, but it's not something you like. It's not fun. It's not fun.

People don't die. People don't overdose on it. It's like what are like steroids. It's steroids. It's not heroin, it's not, it's not, yeah. Yeah, cause everything else you didn't check. Fucking kills you. Kills you almost immediately.

So for this one, the thing that like tripped me up was, I was like, I had an inclination and then I was like, okay, maybe it's not like Iowaska or like, you know, ceremonial tea or something. Because I was like, oh, this is what venture capital's bros do to like basically invent new ways to fuck poor people. Yes. As they go to the desert and do this and they go, okay, wait a minute.

What if people just rented like coffins to sleep in instead of homes? I disagree. I think that those same people do that. But instead of ayahuasca, DMT. DMT. Yeah, DMT. That's what they're doing. DMT will make you they do. Yeah, that's what they're doing.

DMT will make you live a thousand times over, but it just, it's your same shitty life. You're like not learning anything or becoming a better person. Yeah. Iawasca, you take that shit. By the way, it's just a cactus. Yes, just a cactus. That's why you were like, if I got pulled over. Yeah, you just be like, no, it's a cactus.

Yeah, I'm a botanist, says. Yeah, I'm a botanist, sir. Yeah, I'm a botanist, police officer. That's the only way that I'm a botanist. I'm a botanist, you six foot tall Jack rabbit. Anyway, oh God, I cannot believe that worked. Oh, fucking Hail Mary. Amazing. Holy shit.

Thank you so much for tuning in. And I guess, yeah, you're safe to take all of these. So just do that. Have yourself a really fucking aggressively learned and also happy, stress your week. And now it's time to be able to afford these drugs by hearing a little bit from our sponsors. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. This episode of The Rooster Teeth Podcast is sponsored by Better Health. I am a constant. Stay up and think about everything bad that you've ever done, Guy. I mean, it happens to all of us, right? You're lying in bed.

You're trying to get some sleep, and then suddenly your brain turns into a movie theater showing every awkward interaction that you have ever had. And now it's four in the morning, I'm still awake. And now I'm stressing about that. It is a vicious, vicious cycle that has led to many, many, many nights left tired and sleepless and anxious and just generally upset,

but it turns out one great way to make those racing thoughts go away is to talk them through. And therapy gives you a place to do just that. So you can get out of your negative thought cycles and find some mental and emotional piece. It can also be a great tool for learning positive coping skills and empowering you to be the best version of yourself. And if you're thinking of giving therapy a try, better help is a great option that is convenient, flexible, and entirely online. All you got to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist, one that you can easily switch

at any time for no additional charge. So get a break from your thoughts with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash rooster today to get 10% off your first month that is better help.com slash rooster. Thank you for listening to this episode of RT Podcast. If you like this show and the other shows that Rupert Teeth makes, the best way to support us is by becoming a first member. All right? Whether you're watching this on YouTube or what do you call it? A podcast listening app, not even sure what that would be.

You can listen to the episodes there and we get some revenue from the ads that you're listening to. But that's not the best way to support us. The best way to support us is by becoming a first member. Let me break down some numbers for you. Math style for your door cast. If you become a first member, that is like watching 600 videos a month or 6,000 videos

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I'm gonna give you back the rest of your time. And think about it during this time. Come in first, member. Thank you so much. Goodbye. It's time for another RT cares. The segment where we take your questions and turn them into extremely dumb answers.

And today, we've got something extremely interpersonal. All right, here we go. I have a new coworker who seems like a pretty decent guy, but holy hell does he smell terrible. Every day he comes in with that distinct haven't showered in a while, smell, and it just gets worse throughout the week until it starts to get on Monday.

How can I politely get him to start showering and maybe using some deodorant? My God. God, well, my first piece of advice would always to be to submit it to RT cares. So that you can look your coworker in the eye, Andrew, and tell them that maybe they should start showing. Yeah, this is a hard one because that I don't think I ever want to Oh no!

Yeah, this is a hard one because I don't think I ever want to tell anyone anything like this. No. This is such a hard thing because it's like, it's one of those, if you like the person, if you respect the person, if you want to continue, like working with this person, you have to say something, but also like telling someone that they smell or they're personal hygiene, it's so personal

that's like, well, I guess there's no coming back from that because it's so devastating. Because the embarrassment would turn you into a smolder, embarrassment would turn me into a smolder and crater on the ground. Oh, I would just be like, well, okay, my coworkers, I think, so I guess I just have to move cities, change my name, fake my death,

become a whole new person. Link at the existence. Link at the existence. I'm not even gonna fake the death. It's very real. Yeah, I'm gonna take a birch. Good. Good.

Crash into a construction site. I think you've touched on something really important here, which is that like, if I was, for example, if you smelled, and I know that I did that as a bit earlier, you do not smell it. Oh, thank you. This is quite possibly the best smelling podcast that to ever exist.

Probably, I would say it. I would say it is. Mostly because these two obsess over different kinds of like sense and like how to smell good and They smell amazing the other day I could tell that Griff had showed up in our office because the office smelled better Then when I first walked into it and could there there is not a finer legacy Yeah, yeah, then to be like man Every time this person comes to the office or is around, the place smell,

like they smell great and the place smells great. And you're like, man, I mean, they'll write songs about you. Legends will tell. I smell good by association simply because multiple times you guys have given me different sense that you'd no longer want. Because I was like, this is too masculine to you want this?

And then I go, and then I'm finished lifting my weights and I go, and I've started to smell so good that the other day I went to Wes, our co-worker and Sue's birthday party. And Cameron, who was our camop normally, was at the same party and I walked up and Cameron goes, why do you smell good? I'm not the smell good. Which made my brain go like, do do you smell good? And I would tell you, I'm not the smell good.

Which made my brain go like, do I normally smell bad? I don't, I don't. You're gonna choose, you just normally don't anything. My point is, we smell pretty good. Yeah. Andrew, you smell good. Thank you. That was not even part of the answer that I was trying to give,

but if you hypothetically started smelling bad, I could tell you, because you are one of my closest friends. Sure. For sure. And it would not come out. It wouldn't come from a place of hate. And you knew that I would like to get aside and be like, hey, buddy, I just want to let you know. You fucking reek.

You fucking smell like garbage. You smell like dog shit, my friend. I was bird scootering around the streets of palace falls. And it reeked like piss and garbage and cigarettes. And it smelled much better than you do right now. Yo, dog, every time you walk in the office, smells like someone microwave the beach diaper. I think maybe you should like, I don't know,

do something about that. Every time that you come into the office, I consider cutting off my nose. I consider folding myself because of how fucking dog shit you smell. Yeah, with a close personal friend, you can do that. This is not that. This is a brand new coworker that you do not have any kind of connection with. It's just like maybe a note.

A note? All that's so much worse. Is it more or not for you? For the person again? Yeah, but not for you. It would like cut out magazine letters. You have, you're just like a little note. This is, hey bud, you're having a stinky one in the smiley face.

With one coupon for some deodorant. No, with the RT podcast code to get 20% off at Harry's. There you go. There it is. Yeah, I think it's too personal of a thing to tell somebody that you're not friends with. And I think that leaving a note would be just about the worst thing for the other person together. So I'm going to go ahead and say, um, get him fired.

Get him fired. Get him fired. Get him fired. Go on. Plant some fucking drugs and some deodorant in their death. Download some CP under there. We said fired, not arrested by the FBI. No, no, they make you shower at black sites.

They make it. They shower you. Andrew's on to something because there's a chance that you trying to get them fired backfires into them getting some kind of promotion, which has happened a hundred times in my life where I've tried to, when I was trying to quit a job once, I talked to my manager about how they weren't being a good manager and gave them advice on how to be a better manager. And this person took out a notepad

and started jotting down the things that I was saying. I just wanted severance and the ability to get a fucking unemployment. How did you how did you office space yourself? Yeah, right. You just do it all the time. People are so adverse to conflict that they will do almost anything to get out of it. Again, it's proven by this fucking thing that we're sent to. I'm writing up to a podcast and said, just go in here, buddy. I'm just thinking one. So Andrew has hit what I would call the key part of this is you need to make sure that they are

not coming back from it. Okay, so burn there. Squarster. I'm talking about CP is no longer enough. You need to tie them to al-Qaeda. You need to make it, and I just realized what day this podcast episode is coming out on. You need to make sure that they are complicit in the tragedy that was final. You need to start photoshopping them on cards, on playing cards, and giving it to marine court snipers. Hey, did you know that Ryan was friends with Osama and George Bush? It's just that. You need to, you need to get this person

off the face of the earth. Because I can't see another situation where you, ladies and gentlemen, we have compromised to a permanent and Ryan from accounts receivable. I don't know what to do. I don't hear me out. We'll do what you originally said. You, you become his best friend.

And then you get so close and intimate in your friendship that you can go to his house and leave the other and in this bathroom and leave a nice bar Harry soap in this bathroom. And then I think I'll just take care of it self. And then you never have to have any sort of confrontation. I don't think I can be friends with somebody that smells like shit.

We've you, you could always just like, you could just go get COVID real bad. And then you never have to smell anything ever again. I got long COVID on purpose. Yeah, just you smell like COVID. Yeah, it comes from, and then you're the, you're the martyr who saved everyone. Huh.

It is so funny that just the idea of like, hey, avoiding conflict so bad that it's like, okay, listen, hear me out. If I become the president of the United States, I can force him to shower. It's just like, hold on a second. I can give orders to make somebody else tell him to shower. It's like, if I just become the boss of my company, I can mandate rules. Andrew Rosas has touched into something key here. or it's like, if I just become the boss of my company, I can mandate. We're all wrong. Yeah.

Andrew Rosas has touched into something key here. If we the president of the United States. Well, this is getting beeped. Okay. No. In Minecraft. In Minecraft. If Andrew Rosas, no.

President. No, please. Joseph Biden The Mall of America in Minecraft then he can take over I think there's a good 40% chance this makes it there is less than a percent chance Yeah I'm not gonna knock it in my door at 4 in the morning, guys. I know people who've got knocks on their doors for a lot less than that. Yeah, I can't. I run a true crime show where I've talked about terrorists before.

Now I can't get on a plane normally. Yeah, I don't mind them leaving. I get pulled aside every time I fly. I don't know if you guys have gone to the airport with me. I've gone to the airport with Funhouse, tons of tons, that I get searched. And I mean search. Like taken to the back room.

I get, I've been taking to the back room multiple times. Snap out of the glove. It's the beard. At the very minimum, I get a pat down. That is it. I get a pat down every time I fly. Yeah, I get a pat down. I get a pat down minimum.

They go through my bag. They always take my stuff off to the side. I always get my hands wiped every time I fly. Yeah, I get a pat down. I get a pat down minimum. They go through my bag. They always take my stuff off to the side. I always get my hands wiped. Mm-hmm. I do that, too. They're checking for bombers. I think it's because I downloaded the anarchist cookbook when I was in seventh grade.

Yeah, I think it's because I say things on podcasts like I think it's because I tweeted Greg Abbott once a week to confite me in the Mueller HB parking lot. But I think we've found, I think we have have found there's no trees now. You'll be fine I think we found the perfect way out Which is that you get on their computer? Yeah, and you start sending emails about how your coworker wants to do a very bad thing And then they're yeah, you get him fired to all not fired again because fired isn't enough You're getting them taken out.

You take them out. Okay, hear me out. Maybe we're being too rash. What if, what if this isn't a hygiene issue? What if he has like a old stinky washing machine and all of his clothes just get soured in there? That could be a thing? That could be a thing.

Cause it's good. Okay, there's a nice word to go. There's this dude at my gym who always smells, like he left his clothes in the wash for three days and then dried them without rewashing them. Yeah, they'll do it. They'll do it. Yeah, and I'm like, maybe that's this kind of situation

where it's like, you don't know it until like, he is released from the body and it makes a close thing. It could be that. And he could not know. But they said specifically that it was that distinct haven't showered in a while. Is that different? Yes, yes.

It's bad. Yeah, and it does. He did say it gets worse the week goes. Yeah. Which hold on, implies that they're not showering throughout the week. She showers once a week. On like Friday night, so he's coming in right on Monday.

Can you, can you, and if this guy like works out, can you imagine like working out and then getting into bed? Disgusting. Maybe he's like one of those. The worst thing I could possibly think of, that sounds disgusting. It's giving like those like minimalists who are like, if you buy a marino wool,

you don't have to wash it. And it's like, but no buy a marino wool, you don't have to wash it. Ah. And it's like, but no, but then you just smell like wet sheep all the time. If you're even if you don't wash it, it's marino wool stinks. Yeah.

It's fancy, but it stinks like sheep. I think I'm gonna go with my original answer. You gotta get this person fucking killed. Yeah, I agree. I think you gotta kill them. I think you, no, you don't kill them. No, you gotta kill them. You get them killed.

Honor killed. No. That's how you, no, you don't kill them. You gotta do it. You get them killed. Honor killed. No. That's how you, then you both get into the hole. Are you gonna leave? You gotta leave. You gotta leave a, a, a, like a samurai sword on their desk and tell them to do the honorable thing.

Yeah. Yeah. He's the first. Yeah. Okay, hold on. I think we've actually, we've solved it. I think we, I think there's a way to combine both on their desk You leave a fucking full-blown katana. Yeah, like the real thing handcrafted in Japan ready for war

Exactly the right amount of sharp on the other side of the desk a fucking bottle of deodorant or whatever container You call them in yeah, yeah, you leave deodorants there and then they look at their desk and they go, what the fuck? And then you go, I can't whistle on command. You go and they turn around and they look at you and you're holding your own. And you go, you've got a choice to make which one is it going to be? And then you both get fired. Yeah. Never seen him again. So yeah. And there you go. I think that that solves the problem.

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. It's airtight. We did it. There we go. Or it's airtight like your office, which stinks like shit. So we apologize. I hope this helps. If you want us to answer your own question, you can send it to RTKers at roosterteef.com. And that way, we can tell you how to do a murder. And now it is time for my favorite segment of the week. Always on! Let's go! Welcome to Always On. If you've been paying attention, you know that the news is terrible, which is why we've taken some headlines and turn them into punchlines. In the middle is our friend Griff, who will be our judge during the circle joke, where Andrew and I prepare

some jokes and joke off around. Oh, yeah, this is going to give me loads and loads of laughs. Oh, God. That joke gets better every single week. Keep a towel handy because these jokes are flying fast and furious. I am going to start us off this week. Two Kentucky high schoolers have been charged with making terroristic threats after participating in a new TikTok trend where you tell your teacher that you have a bomb in your backpack.

However, the two teams are hopeful with one being quoted as saying, this widow really sucks, but I think we're going to be fine because we have that W wins. She says. There's about 50 people listening right now who know I do what you just said. Yeah. Don't know what was. I think you could just leave it at there's 50 people listening right now. Yeah, that's a real TikTok trend where people tell their teacher that they have a gun or a bomb in their backpack. And surprisingly, these are the two first people

to be charged with a crime. Yeah, I don't think it's gonna go off. But not the less. Oh, boy. Yeah, you're gonna get air hold by a marshal. If you wanna do that, they are like, oh God. Might as well just make jokes on podcasts in my life. She will get the top 10.

Folks. Ah, security and Ecuador has come undone as drug cartels exploit the banana industry to ship cocaine, which now means if you've got a banana in your pocket, people are excited to see you. That explains why I've been eating so much banana bread recently. It's fucking awesome, I feel great. Oh, it's got a rub, it's banana bread on my tongue.

Oh my gums. Mmm, mmm. Yeah, you know, it's really good for bones. What are bananas good for? A potassium. Aysite. That like helps your cramps or something? Sure.

Sure. I just picture a, like, you know, undercover cop flicking open a switchblade, cutting into a banana. It's pure. Yeah. I'm just glad to get back to the roots. Yeah. NASA scientists are asking for the public's help in examining Uranus from behind this

month. And not since Lika has space had that fucking dog in it, baby. Oh. Now, here's another joke where about 50 people don't know what the fuck I just said. I read this joke to Gus, the forehead, and he goes, no, that seems like because he sounds like Hank Hill. No, that seems like you're going to have to rely on a lot of people knowing who like it.

And I went, like the space dog that we sent up in Sputnik II that died almost daily. Yeah, I think people know who Lika is. Yeah, we didn't. We as a human beings. Not the Russian sent up the dog. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is what I meant to be clear today. So I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for my very specific jokes this way. I feel like that. Here's something the whole family can enjoy. 23 people were injured after a vehicle crashed into a Denny's restaurant in Texas. Authorities thanked the driver who saved these people from almost eating Denny's. My God, it could have been so much worse.

Soak a bill to green sluice. Where are we? Where are we? Is that them? Yeah. I wouldn't know. I've never eaten other dinners. It was very bold of you to look at the fattest person in the room and go, is that the dinners thing?

Is that what they have? They don't just have grand slams. They also have terrible servants. This past week, the world lost America's uncle and leading alcoholism advocate, Jimmy Buffett. And personally, I was not a huge fan of his music But as a fat person I'm always sad to see a Buffett close How dare you that that punchline brought to you in part by my very good friend page Wesley we Collaborated on this joke and I really killed Tyler

Yeah, we hear that only heard it in the control room. Yeah, right killed Tyler. We heard that. We heard it in the control room. Yeah. That's two doors we heard that last. Wow. I don't think I'm picking the winner this year. I think the audio booth is picking. Yeah.

It's not. Oh, it's page. It's page. No, but your like a joke also brings it down. Yeah, that was a joke just for me and I really enjoyed it. This one is sure to put a lot of smiles on the faces as we close it out. Shepherds in Texas no longer have to pay sales tax on menstrual or infant products. Republican lawmakers said we want the 12 through 15 year old girls.

We're forcing to have a baby to keep more of their allowance. I keep it. Called it to really for there was still four seconds left in the game. I thought he done that. I called it too early. There were still four seconds left in the game. I thought he couldn't wreck it. That he couldn't wreck the yards. But ladies and gentlemen, we have to give it up. Take your chances.

I'm sorry. I thought you had it. I thought you had it in the bag, but that Jimmy Buffett showed it. It's okay. Can we just, can you both, you both got it? Yeah, we both got it. We both did it. Yeah, you both got it.

And if you want to tie our jokes together, please go out and listen to some of Jimmy Buffett's music, including get your 15 year old girlfriend out of here. A song where he talks about being horny for a 15 year old girl for like three minutes. That's a real song, by the way. Yeah, absolutely. Go look it up. Jimmy Buffett, that is cool as we all thought he put. Margarita Villain-Dee. Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I know

that she's a 15 year old child. All've been a monitor of this. I'm Andrew Rosas. And this has been Griff. We'll see you next week. God. Ah. Did you know that you can't simply walk in a mortar? I'm Christa Marish from Black Box Down and Tales from the Diki Dragon. And 10 years ago, me and a friend hiked across New Zealand from the Hobbiton

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