Rooster Teeth Podcast - Can you beat Gus in a Fight? - #761

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

Armando and Andrew welcome back Gus in this weeks episode of the Rooster Teeth Podcast as they debate the dangers of nature. What animals can you beat in a fight? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/rooster to get 10% off your first month. Watch the full episode of the Rooster Teeth Podcast for Free! -https://roosterteeth.com/series/rt-podcast Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Based on Japan's highest selling manga series in history by Ichiro Ola, one piece is a legendary high-seize adventure unlike any other, and it's out now only on Netflix. Luffy is a young adventurer who has longed for a life of freedom for us long as he can remember. He sets off on a perilous journey to find the legendary treasure to become King of the Pirates. But in order to find this treasure, Luffy will need to find a ship and assemble a crew. Once he sets sail, he was searched the vast ocean and outward dangerous rivals with the help of his loyal shipmates and legendary fighting abilities. This is an incredible world ruled by pirates filled with mysterious fruits that grant superpowers

and talking snails that people use as telephones. Yes, you heard that right. Snailphones. But beyond the fantastic elements, the people of this world are driven to search far and wide for the legendary treasure known only as the one piece. We are super excited to watch it out now only on Netflix. Welcome to the only show being rebranded as Q. I'm being told now that that's extremely problematic and I would like to apologize for everything

that I've said thus far. It's the RT podcast. Hey. I am one of your hosts, Armando Torres, and joining me today is... Andrew Roses. And... Gustavo Sorola.

Hey. He's back, baby! I am contractually obligated to appear on this show twice a year. No, no, no! This is this count. One of those two. Don't say that! Because we already had to come and get mom on to tell people to stop hating on us.

That's so... God, this is so good to have you back. You all killed me last time I was here. Yeah, but there's no hard feelings. That's just show business. Show business, baby. Yeah, forget about it. It's podcast town.

Well, if you've seen the sketch, you should know. It's actually, forget about that. Yay. Yeah. You're just like gay. Didn't mean to. But I kind of came out that way, so to speak. We're actually not allowed to make those jokes

when Griff is gone. Oh, that's right. Yeah. God, it's so good to see you. Have you been liking retirement? Retirement. Yeah. I'm not retired. Yeah.

No, I'm still here, baby. I'm working. All you do is you just go out there on what you're playing called a Sienna. And you're just out there in the Ciesta, just flying in the Ciesta. And then flying in the Siena Miller. Yeah.

High over the Alps. The Alps in Central Texas. That's right. No, I'm still here. Still working on another podcast, not this one. Typically not this one. Well, you didn't have to say it like that. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. According to all the comments, you were, you've been dead. Yeah. You've been retired and you love the company. No, you can tell I'm not doing this one because the numbers are way up. You all over the y'all if I'm killing it.

I'm not a drink. I'm not an anchor around the neck of this podcast anymore. No, we love having you. It's been so great because Gus is a shares an office with us. And sometimes when we're doing our writers room, he's in there and we'll just turn around and drop like a line or a joke that gets everyone all fucking excited. You've still been writing for this podcast. Yeah, just rarely inspiring. But it'll be great because Gus will be sitting

at headphones on. So we assume like he's like listening to something, watching something, something's like, and then it's just, what about, like turns around like hello? It's like I don't have things on so loud that I can't hear what's going on in the room. Right.

When the shooter walks into the building, I want to know that they're there. She's a scum. Right. Well, you'll be able to hear my footsteps. Yeah. Um, uh, we live in the United States. We're all thinking at any moment,

you're like, it could happen. It could happen. I mean, yeah, we live in a fucking nice marriage hellscape of constantly armed hooligans. I know that I'm not the first person to make this Comment but like I remember after the Batman thing you remember that fucking yes the Joker guy We're like I remember for a really long time if you had dyed hair in a movie theater everyone was uncomfortable around you Oh, no people like people were scooting down. They were like looking at the exits

They were yeah, if you had dyed hair in a mood. Oh the blue hairs. That was the original. That was the original like fear like fucking patient zero for all that shit. So this thing happened this weekend speaking in movies by the way where I wanted to go watch a movie and every I'm not I'm not exaggerating. I'm being very literal here. Every single movie in every single theater in the city of Austin was sold out or only had a couple of seats in the front row. I had the exact same experience.

What is it? I couldn't see anything. It's just because it was so hot. Maybe. So it's interesting, but I'm not, I think you're not wrong because in India, the reason there are movies are like four hours long, the reason the movies are six hours long in India

and amazing and cover every fucking genre is because movie theaters were the only air condition places for a long time. And so like you'd go to the movie theater in India to cool down, like that was the place you went to like escape the heat for like that's how it used to be in the United States in the 50s right they would advertising movie air condition air condition like like yeah like this is starting to make so much sense why Bollywood has so many like weird ludicrous scenes that seem to not make sense

in the movie but our tradition yeah including the big dance number at the end it's almost like okay well they still need to be air conditioned for a while. What if we all just started dancing in a way that sort of represented the film's theme? Yeah, like crack the blinds, sun's still out. Let's go. That's fucking buggy. Yeah, exactly. My wife and I went to see a movie a couple of weeks ago.

We went to the draft house, and we walked in. We were the first people in there, you know. It was not very full, it was Indiana Jones, there was nobody there. And the missing audience went in, and the server came out, was like, hey, just so you know, the air conditioner's broken in this theater, I was like, oh, great.

And he says, by broken, I mean, we can't turn it off. So it's going to get cold in here. We can adjust it. I was like, oh yeah, break them all, baby. Yeah, yeah, let's go. Give me a pipe wrench. I'll start cracking them open, like getting these things non-stop humming.

There has been like such a huge shift in, and I think it's honestly climate change. I'm not trying to be like fucking political or anything here. I'm just saying that when I was a kid during the summer, we used to go camping a lot or we'd go on like road trips and you would not fucking catch me going to a drive-through in this summer. Like I am not, I go from my air conditioned house

to my air conditioned car to my air conditioned office and then back home and- Perverse order. Yeah, and then you can't get me to leave anywhere. Or if you do, I just have to be prepared to like, take a shower as soon as I get back. It's awful, it's an awful place, but I remember like going out all the time.

I haven't been camping in forever, I feel like. Well, you, I mean, the central California feels like a really campable place. This, not anymore, baby. We've lost summer camping. It's gone. Can't do it anymore. I don't, I actually don't think

that I would ever camp in Texas. You have so many fucking bugs. Did I have bugs in California? Yeah, not like this. Not like this, dude. This last weekend, I was in South Austin and I watched a tarantula eating a cockroach, which is the most terrifying thing

I could imagine. It was like watching Freddie versus Jake's. Yeah, where you're like, you're both fucking monsters, but I'm glad one of you is dying. You know, you're in South Austin because that tarantula had a 7, 8, 7, 0, 4 bumper sticker on its own. It's a butt. It was a... hat and oat willy sticker on it.

Yeah. God damn, it's real aliens versus predator whoever wins we lose. Like if the tarantula wins, now I've got a tarantula. What fucking flip side if that cockroach wins? We're all doomed. The cockroach beats the tarantula. I mean, nuke from orbit, like a call in the strike. And it'll live, they can live past nukes, right?

Yeah, I think so. The nukes are to kill us. Yeah, to spare us, we will. We will. Forbill, yeah. Oh, I fucking hate bugs. And we have bugs in California for sure, obviously. But I have never seen, first of all,

I've never been bitten by so many mosquitoes since I've been here in the two months that I've been here. I have not seen so many bugs since I've been here. And then every time I complain about bugs here, people from other places in Texas try to make me feel better by being like, oh, I grew up 30 minutes outside of town and we had to check under our pillows for scorpions every night.

And it's like, that's not better. Now I just know that's also real. Oh yeah, now that's also a possibility. It's like, man, bugs, where I'm from 10 minutes outside the sea of limits, snakes come up through the toilet. What the fuck are you talking about? That doesn't mean you feel better at all. That's like your kid being like,

I'm afraid of the monster under my bed and you being like, monster, you should be afraid of murderers. Yeah, exactly. You should be afraid that you're gonna be an amber alert daddy doesn't pay attention to. She's so good. It's like you're ready to be a statistic kid. Oh my God. Speaking of camping, so this like, I think it's like you're getting ready to be a statistic, kid.

Oh my God. Speaking of camping, so this like, I think it's like a perfect segue and it's something I wanted to talk about this episode. Speaking of camping and camping, especially in national parks. National parks are maybe the only good thing

America's ever done. I'm like gonna go on an olympin' say it's probably the only good thing America's ever done. I'm like gonna go on an olympic and say, it's probably the only good thing America's ever done, which is- That's not true, Andrew. I'm pretty sure we invented Coca-Cola and drone strikes. And then change the name to Fanta so we could keep selling it to the Nazis.

That's right. Um, so. Oh man, steeped in American history over here. Look at that. Look at that. Anyway, yeah, so, and steeped in American history over here. Look at that. Look at that. Anyway, um, yeah, so, uh, natural parks are wonderful. It's a, it's in really truly incredible that the government said, Hey, we should probably, uh, save some of our natural resources and like, you know, uh, preserve them, uh, as, you know, pristine things of natural beauty that people can enjoy

and experience. Uh, and, uh And they're also death traps. They're also like, they're not only beautiful, they are the sirens of the natural world because people, lots of people go missing in national parts. Yeah, all the time. And to me, and something that really interests me about this is that it feels like,

from the limited research that I've done, it feels like a natural split between, oh, national parks are just really huge places. They're also, I mean, nature is kind of scary. We're at a dangerous, nature is dangerous because it doesn't care if we live or die out there. It's enough for us. It's just doing what it's doing. The fuck, killer cockroaches are gonna take over and they're just waiting in the wings

Which they also have by the way They can fucking fly in the don't oh You they don't play their full hand. Oh, and that'll get they fly they can fly when it gets warm enough Yes, it's like they it's like oh the temperature hits 98 and it's like Super power to scare the living shit. Oh my God, I just remembered, I walked up to my front door the other night and there was a cicada that I didn't see.

cicadas scream when they try and fuck, they're trying to fuck right now. The cicadas are out and they're trying to fuck, so they're like screaming at each other saying, hey, let's hit. And. Hey, BB, you want some? Yeah, exactly. It's like constant you up like all night. And I didn't see this cicada above my door. And so when I opened the door, it went scream. And then hit its giant fucking like door stop sized body into the fucking door in front of me. And I screamed so loud.

I, oh my gosh, just like. We talked about this the other day you and I, is that I was in my car. How did similar experience? Yeah, I was in my car on my way to Andrews Bug and Fested House. And when I got into my car, my phone light turned on because I was trying to place a music on it

or whatever. And it illuminated my stomach and leg area. And I saw crawling up my leg towards the opening of the bottom of my shirt was like, some kind of bug. I didn't know what it was like. A cockroach mixed with a cricket or something. It's fucking disgusting to look at.

And I had not like started my car yet. And I was in my parking garage. And I made the least attractive noise that humans have ever been able to watch. I've tried to like describe what it was. It's like, it's a mix of fear, panic, and then also like the primordial sense of urgency and cowardice. It was not a battle cry. No. No.

It was, I can't, there's no way I'll ever be able to make that noise again, but it was a long lines of, it was just absolute disgust, and then it echoed and reverberated throughout the garage. I opened my door and I like fucking brushed it off me and Andrew will be able to tell you that I can't even look at fake bugs. I can't kill bugs, they're terrifying. I like freak out. This made me so mad. I got a running star and jumped up and slammed down on whatever it was. And it was like in just a blind rage, but I realized that if I had not noticed and started driving, I would have died.

Oh yeah, I would have a hundred percent of wrapped around a telephone pole somewhere. Absolutely. And welcome, Dan, to get you away from that bug. Just like Jesus take the wheel and my life. Deploy the nukes. Yeah, exactly. We're done.

Deploy it right here. Right here. I don't want to be around anymore. So I'm sorry, you were saying that. I would say, I digress by talking about giant bugs because I screamed. So nature, terrifying thing, beautiful and terrifying. And it occurs to me like how many people,

you know, there were some articles that came out recently about people who go missing in national parks. And I was gonna say, I think it's a mixture between the fact that nature is kind of scary, kind of spooky, pretty mysterious, even though we have claimed to master it. And I think that the other half of it is that like, man's hubris and like seemingly thinking

that we have everything figured, I have a cell phone, I can't get lost in nature. Motherfucker, everyone has cell phones, and people disappear constantly all the time. Like, you think you have this, like, you know, fucking get out of jail free card with you at all times. Yeah, it's not true. I think we're used to living our life with like the bumpers on. Like, guard rails and like being, you protect it at all time.

And then when you step out in the nature and those bumpers are gone, you forget that, you know, you're playing a life and death game and thinks and go south very quickly if you're not prepared or you get in over your head. Like how many people do you see? Like they're like, oh, look at that cute wild animal. I'm gonna take a selfie with it.

Oh my god. That animal just, you know, floors you, you know, walks right through you. Gus, I'll do you one better. Do you know how many deaths occur now because somebody tried to get like a cooler picture of the Grand Canyon, right? Yeah.

And they just like, it's a whole, it's just a whole. It's a fucking hole. It's been there for a few million years. It didn't surprise you. Yeah, I've got holes that have been here for 27. No one's taking a picture with them anymore. The only fans is dried up and this boy and other things and Man, I was reading this thing the other day, which was basically like most people think that they could get into a fight

Have no idea what would actually have right like most most people think, most people in general actually think that they can fight, they have this idea that when it happens, that they'll just like fucking John wicket out and like do it, most people would hurt themselves trying to throw a punch. And I think it's the same thing with nature. Like we all have this beautiful idea that like this is what I would do.

I would chop down this log. I would turn it into this like easy shelter that I would be able to make. We literally have TV shows that are like the best, most fit people that we have on the planet and we send them into the wild. And they last five days before they're like, I'm gonna die.

If I stay out here anymore, I'm gonna fucking die. And the things they do to survive is things I never wanna do. Like, 100%. I don't wanna eat those Like, I don't wanna eat those things, I don't wanna drink those things, but even abstracting that a step further back is just like, it's even if you're in your car or walking around, not even trying to do any of that stuff.

Like, you're gonna fucking step into the, you know, a geyser or just dissolve yourself in yellow stone. Which happens a lot. Right, which happens a lot. Right, that's a lot. Like, the things that, like the act, I say accidents, the, they are, but like, the calamities that, I'm gonna call them calamities at this point. What are you a fucking broadspector?

Yeah, well, the problems in them, they're hills. You have to understand. Yeah. The calamities that befall these people, it's like, I just don't think that people have a good, a very, a, a, a, a, throw education in, in nature and like understand and a healthy respect for it because like, people think like, oh, you know,

if you go out into like Yellowstone National Park, it's the bears that are gonna get you. I should be aware, I should be afraid of bears. I can take a selfie with this bison. It's like brother, bison kill 50 times more people than bears. Like, it's like bison, moose. These are dangerous fucking animals. Moose are megafauna. Those things are as big as a fucking bus. It's huge. It's not that like statistic, I'm, please don't ever quote me on this. But isn't the statistic like, mousse, mese? Mese, mese, mese.

Yeah, mese. Isn't the statistic that mese kill more people than sharks? I believe that is correct. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking insane. Yeah, because people are insane. And pull it, because this just ticked off something in my brain

that came out a little while ago, because you think like, oh, people are just uneducated about these things. And then you read, they did a survey. Then you read this, people did a survey of people who went missing. People who went missing, they know they asked them. Why are you lost? Cool, and then they helicopter out and don't rescue them. Why are you lost, and they go, because they've lost their humanity.

Yeah, they've gone completely far. They've drank too much piss. That's right. No, they did a poll of people and they asked them, like, what animal do you think you could beat in a fight? Like, what animal could you fight and win? And so, I'll just give you some highlights from this list. 72% of people said they could beat a rat.

Sure, we could all beat up Eric. No. No. Hold on, I do want to continue, but what the fuck is wrong with those 28% of people who went, rats choking me out every time, every time, rats going for the jugular. Well, it's probably piloting a chef and they have knives. So, that's what they were probably thinking. So like yeah, 70% rat makes sense.

I think I could probably beat a rat. You step on a rat. Sure. Yeah. House cat, 69%. Sure. Oh yeah, a serial killer can kill a fucking house cat. Yeah, exactly.

And those guys, yeah, they're weak. They're weak. It goes down the list. And then you get to elements, you get to animals on the list and you're like, uh huh. Okay, so 23% say large dog. Oh. I wouldn't be as confident I could take on a large dog. If life and death I would, I would try to fight a large.

What are we talking about? Like a pit bull? And which case I'm losing? I'm losing. I'm losing. Pit bull, you're not making it out of the line. No, you're not. Yeah, that's the thing.

I am pro pit bull. I love pit bulls. I think that the statistics against them are, and to fucking come out, I don't give a shit anymore. Pipbulls, I think, are, they have the violence statistics because people train them so often to be violent, and it's just like a skewed thing. It's humans that are fuck not pipbulls. It's not an inherent thing. But the one that is fuck is pit bull, the artist. Yes, yes, yes. That is the world wide. You know, do you know what I fucking hate the most about pit bull

about Mr. World wide? Do you know his names are Mondo? No! Did you know no matter how hard I try, I'll never be as good as Mr. World wide. I'll never be the best Armando. That's son of a bitch! Anyway, yeah, all pit bull artists are inherently bad,

but my partner has a pit bull. And it's, he's like a medium sized pit bull. Cause I've seen pit bulls that look like they just got out of fucking prison. That's why I'm asking for the clarification. Cause I don't think of that as a large dog. That's like a medium dog and I could not beat that dog. Yeah, well that's the thing is that

pit bulls have the capacity to be like fucking ripped. And her dog is not very big, not very large, or not particularly like, I don't even think it's pure bread pit. I think it's like mixed with something. The other day, we were playing like tug of war because if so hot, we had to keep the dog inside, dog has so much pent up energy. We have a blanket that the dog like, fucking rips up.

And we were playing tug of war. This dog, like, I got the blanket back and I just saw a rage in its eyes. We have a blanket that the dog like fucking rips up and we were playing tug of war this dog Like I got the blanket back and I just saw a rage in its eyes and it like jumped on me And I was like this thing could kill me. Yeah This thing could fucking rip out whatever arteries in my neck and I would bleed out in second Yeah, and the dog would feel nothing like eggs and so I don't know what large dog means on this, because yeah, if you got the scooby it. Yeah.

Clifford, yeah. I'm sorry, I'm still stuck in the blood soaked face of scooby, as he stands over your body and goes, it's the last thing you hear, that's the life leaves your head. You're body. So I'm scoob. I got, like, so I'm scoob. You gotta stop doing this. I can't dig anymore whole scoob.

So, and I just picked you and you said Clifford, like, the giant puckered butthole on a Clifford sitting on me and just going, boop and just getting, fuck it anyway. So large dog, 23% people say, kangaroo, 1%, it's one guy, it's Chris Demar. It's Chris Demar. Kangaroo says 14%.

Okay, well, that's insane. 14% no, it gets crazier. It's hand-to-hand combat No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Noef. Reef. It says that on your fucking tombstone. So 6%, 6% of people surveyed, said they could beat a grizzly bear in a fight. No. No. Like they would kill the grizzly bear. Or what is, I don't know what beat in a fight means.

Who cares? The 6% of, 6% of people surveyed are the dumbest human beings in the world. Yeah. This is literally what we just talked about with the people who think that they're going to go sicko mode and just like unlock some primordial, I've said that word twice on this podcast. I just learned that. You got that hand your bingo, you win.

They think they're going to just unlock like the primal shit that they have inside them that'll be able to like caveman win this shit. You won't. You'll see a grizzly bear. First off, you'll shit your pants. Second off, you'll piss your pants. Third off, you'll vomit all over yourself. Fourth come. And then you're gonna try to punch it and you're gonna break your fucking wrist because they're just meat backs. Like pure muscle meat back. And bears the way they like fight you is they like rear up and land on top of you and then rip you to shreds their body weight pins you to the ground and then they make you a they need Julian you like that's how I fight yeah

never lost yeah and so like the When you see 6% of people saying like I'm beating a grizzly bear in a fight that's how that's You see 6% of people saying like, I'm beating a grizzly bear enough fight. That's how, that's when you know, that's why I can believe that so many people go missing a national park. Because I think there is a staggering lack of respect for nature.

And when a tour guide in a national park says, stay on the trail, don't wander off. I know that, I know that bluff looks cool and you wanna be on it when you're taking yourself, that so many other people have taken, just like taking a photo of the worst photo of the Mona Lisa while you're at the fucking, forget it. Like we believe you were there.

Like, that was two things. One, that's off topic is when I went to the Luf, when that was in that belly. I wanted to see the Mona Lisa, cause I was there, but I knew that you'd have to wait in a 20-minute line just to get close enough, and you're not even close to it. You're still pretty fucking far away from the Mona Lisa. I just took a picture of the line, and the Mona Lisa, I think, maybe three pixels in the photo, and that was the one that I posted.

Of course. But secondly, I think that there's this problem that most of humanity has where we all assume ourselves included maybe that we are the main characters in any story. And that's just completely, we're just waiting to die. All of us. And there's so many things that, and like when we're

comfortable in our home, there's still things that can die. You know how many times I get out of the shower, put my foot down and go, I slept funny last night and my shoulders fucked up. Now you're gonna invite nature, the coldest bitch alive. I mean, you know how many bodies fucking nature has caught? It catches all the bodies, it is undefeated. We live in a society that is constantly trying to kill it and then you go into her house and she's CREXNUKELS let's go piece of shit does the Henry Cavill arm cock Let's fucking go years ago. I used to live in Puerto Rico and there's a national park there on Puerto Rico called El Yunca

It's it's the only reinforced national park in the United States. It's Spanish for the young. And some friends were visiting me, there were three of us and I was like, you know what would be cool, let's go camp. Yeah, the UK. Like how often can you say like, you know, you camped at a rainforest? So we go, you know, we drive,

it's on the other side of the island from where I'm living, show up, I go to like the Ranger station. I'm like, hey, you know, you mean my friends want a camp? You know, what's the process for that? And like the park ranger like pulls out a slip of paper, slides it across the desk to me, he's like,

here, fill this out. And it's like, name, phone number, emergency contact. I'm like, okay. Next of kids. And I hand it back to him. And he goes, okay, y'all can camp. I'm like, well, what's the process? Like, where's the campground?

Where do I go? What do I do? He's like, oh no, where's the campground? Where do I go? What do I do? He's like, oh no, we leave it five and lock the gates. What? Yeah, just don't camp on the road and don't camp next to water. Like don't camp next to a river. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's it. He's like, will be back in the morning to unlock the gates. Wow. What are they, I had this reaction when you're having a, I was like, that's it. Like, you just leave us here and no, no guys against. Do whatever you want. We're back in the morning.

So it was the most terrifying night. Basically, by the time we got there, it was already late in the day. It's like, oh crap. We had to find a place to put the tent up. No. No, no, no, there's no lights. We're in the middle of a rainforest. What's fucking tripping me out is you have had the closest experience to

the movie Night at the Museum. Like we're literally come alive at night and try to murder. Yeah, it was really unsettling. I don't think we slept at all that night. Yeah, I was so fucking terrified. Can we get the lock you in? That's the thing that fucks me up. Is why are they locking you in? I mean, I think, yeah, they're trying to keep people out, but at the same side, the other flip side is, we're also locked in. Yeah. I guess we could walk out.

Yeah, I'm not locked in here with you. You locked in here with me. Yeah. Like, they do, there's a campground, it's not a state park, but Krause Springs, which is a camp site near here in Austin, that I love going to, but they do the same thing a campground, it's not a state park, but Krause Springs, which is a camp site near here in Austin, that I love going to, but they do the same thing, they lock the gates at night.

So like, you have to like, if you needed an emergency to get out, you have to like, go to the house and like wake people up and I'll be like, hey, it's someone's like bleeding to death or something. Like, there's like, no, they definitely lock the gates, which by the way, can we get these sound drop from Mark Maren's podcast of him saying, lock the gates? Can we get that, no, we can't the gates, which by the way, can we get these sound drop from Mark Maren's podcast of him saying lock the gates?

Can we get that? No, we can't. Okay. Sorry. No, the you freaked out one person in the sound group. 100% was a supposed to have that. Mike's freaking out. But for a national park, that seems wildly unhinged. Did you just be like, yeah,

pukin, pshk, padlock. Well, see ya, don't die. I used to tell people that I like to go camping and that I went camping in the summers. I told you that. Yeah, you won't shut up about it, necessarily. But it wasn't until recently that I realized that like, what I would consider camping was not necessarily what

you would, most people would consider camping, like actual camping. I do what I think most Americans and probably majority of Californians do, where I and my family would rent out like a camp site. Right. And then like 90 Latinos would swarm in like tarantulas and Austin during eating season. And we would just like have that whole space. And like some of them, some of my family members

would have like RVs and stuff. We stayed in tents, but it was also like, I had a tent right here. My father and his girlfriend were in a tent like right next to us. Our cousins are in a tent right here, my father and his girlfriend were in a tent right next to us. Our cousins are in a tent to the other side. We would create a suburb of people camping there. And then there was a bunch of activities planned,

there was a mess hall, there were showers, there was an actual bathroom. There was a Weber Grill on blocks. Yeah, actually. There was drinking fountains. And we would stay there for about a week. And I was like, I loved camping. And it's like, no, I loved being in a home

that was just with less walls. Right. Yeah, this is very taken care of. Yeah, it was a very sheltered, thank you. That is the perfect way to put it. It was a very sheltered way to camp and it wasn't until I was an adult that I went like actual like out in the, you know, the camping that most people don't actually do and that most like park patrol people would urge you not to do which is just setting up a tent in the middle of nowhere and just being out there. That shit is

and nowhere and just being out there. That shit is terrifying. Because when you realize that you hear a snap outside your tent and it's not one of your 100 cousins, you are freaking the fuck out. What is that? What's there? I can hear things walking. The worst is like, I've had this experience once

where I was camping and I was out in the middle of nowhere, which I've done only two times. And one of those times I was camping out in the middle of nowhere and I heard a twig snap and then I heard all the bugs go quiet and I was like, I'm dead. Oh, I don't know. That is like the supernatural all around world-renowned sign for you are fucking dead. Yeah, lots of the nukes. Lots of nukes.

Turn those keys, baby. Turn those keys press the button. Well, let's launch the nukes on this fucking conversation, boys. We have got a great show for you today, and we are starting it off with a segment that I brought back from the dead, not from this show, but from another one. Is it you? Yeah. Yeah.

You're in it? Oh, that you brought me back from the dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you have to return to death after this. Oh. It's time for Google Trends. Welcome everybody to another episode of Google Trends. Although we did not secure the rights from Funhouse to use their IP.

So legally, welcome to the first episode of Bing Charts. It is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am your host, Armando Torres.

And today we are committing to the knockup vibe by celebrating the month of August. Normally on Google Trends slash Bing Charts, we like to celebrate a specific holiday. Like, December has Christmas or July has the 4th of July, but August doesn't really have one big holiday. Instead, it has tons of little mini holidays that you'll only know if you work for the Ristraty social media.

It has stuff like International Lazy Day on the 10th, or National Kobe Bryant Day on the 24th. Make he score buckets in peace. So let's say our prayers check our calendars and try to win a game that ultimately doesn't matter. It's time for Bing Charts. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ If you are unfamiliar with the game, it is very simple.

We have two teams that we give one word, and they will deliberate to bring back a word that will hopefully prove to be trending. Let's meet our teams. On this side, we have the unstoppable, unbeatable, the titans of internet comedy. Gustavo Sorola in Andro Rosa. Unstoppable, unbeatable, the titans of internet comedy Gustavo Sorola in Andrew Rossi. Hi! Hi! That's pretty good. Yeah.

You guys have a team name for it yourselves? No. I think I chose one from the last episode. Oh. Listeners of the last episode will know this. We are team fuckboy Gargoyle. Oh! Listeners of the last episode will know this. We are team, fuck boy, Gargoyle. Oh! Yes.

That's really good. If you listen to the last week's episode, you'll know what that's from. Stop promoting our own podcast on the podcast. We don't need to plug it. They're already here. I love that cartoon I was a kid. It wasn't as good as slutty teenage years.

You can just shut up. And on our other side, we have two guests, two of Austin's funniest comedians, two incredibly clever folks. And dare I say a third descriptor. It is Vanessa Gonzalez and Mac Blake. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Oh, the dog pants here. Yeah. Thank you. Both of you.

So much for joining us on here on Bing Charts. Yeah, thanks. You were like real mean to me off camera. So this is real shocking. No, I wasn't. It's so nice here. No, I didn't do that. I told them not to mention it, but it's fine.

Fucking real it is. You fucking kidding me. The body coming off this thing. Content, let's go. I'm not going to pretend it is not a lowering. Sorry, I need to call my watch. Thank you. Both of you so much for joining us.

Do y'all have a team name? Well, I wanted something that sounded like powerful, like fire or steel. Yeah, but then we just made a word out of our first two names. And so of Vanessa and Mac, we're now Vanak, which we've determined it's, that's also the name of probably like a powerful Cold War computer. So power, that's power.

Hey, hey, hey, that computer sent a dog to die in space. It says kill a bites of ram. Oh, emphasis on the kill. All right, we are going to start with August's first holiday. And I mean that very literally because it is on August 1st. It is international child free day. Oh, I will tell you that, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I thought I was about being a free kid. Like, you didn't have to listen to your parents on this day. Fuck you, my dad.

I'm out of it. I'm out of it. Yeah. Not child freedom, dude. Oh, yeah. I think what makes this better is I had the introduction of how cool it is to not have kids. Maybe five minutes before I found out that Mac is a father. A father of a proud Latino baby.

Yes. Very proud. Yeah, and that's what we were doing. Let that be the last time you talk about my fucking kid. Yeah. Wow. You've been real nice to me before. I didn't want to talk about it.

Let's go after my four-year-old some more of you fucking monster. No, he's good. He's a good kid. He's not gonna watch this. What's up, dude? Yeah. Well, let's see if these two teams can, for the first time, work with a partner

to make something good. Your first word. Oh, because I already did that. Because my wife and I had sex, we had a kid. Yeah. That's how it works. Oh, I'm not his wife. Hold on. I gotta make it call.

Shit, shit, shit, shit. So I entered and we were gonna say that. Just kind of screwed that up because you didn't know that I'd done that. Your first word is happy. We're gonna give each of you about a minute to deliberate with your partner. Time is on the clock.

On your marks. Get set, go! Happy. Okay. I think like birthday, but that's just kind of so broad. It's too broad. Tum. I've never been happy.

What's associated with that? What is that human emotion of joy? A free kid. Everyone gets a free kid. No, no, no, I don't think that's a definition of happiness. Hmm. I was, my first thought was meal. Meals good.

This is the kid. I think people will be looking to find like what's the current happy meal toy. But then I was like, it's worth eating a burger. Unless, or fries. Maybe there's like single men and they're like looking for happy women. happy meal toy. But then I was like, it's worth eating a burger. Unless, or fries. Maybe there's like single men

and they're like looking for happy women. Happy women, men don't have happy women. Oh, you don't think they would search for that? Happy women don't want the dudes who are searching happy women. Yeah, I know. Happy

Gilmore. Yeah, okay. Happy Madison. Happy Madison. Very relevant. Okay. I'm leaning toward Gilmore. I know this Very relevant. Okay, I'm leaning toward Gilmore. I know this is a long shot. I'm leaning toward Gilmore. That's very like-

Big Gilmore girls fan too. Yeah, now I'm going to cross over to the floor. I'm like it's a synergy there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy women with brain damage. Who have facial blindness. I'm thinking like a happy feet. Isn't that the name of a penguin?

Yeah, happy feet. I thought of that. There's also that podcast. It's one of the few podcasts that compliments celebrities. I was thinking like a happy feed isn't it? The name is like a penguin. Yeah, happy feed, I thought of that. There's also that podcast. It's one of the few podcasts that complements celebrities. Happy sad, confused or something like that. Never let's do it and I never will.

Okay, yeah. Can we lock it in? That's lock it in. You want to talk some more? Maybe we got this time. Oh, we got to be like another 40 seconds. I'm talking a while. It's been a while.

Yeah. We're sure and all this, but we know we're talk. I rarely see you in. Yeah, it's weird. I don't really see you there. Well, you're usually in a plane. Yeah, I am looking down spitting on all of God's creation Yeah, that makes you happy. Yeah, I think we're gonna I feel good about that. Yeah How are you happy me? That's okay. Yeah, okay. That's a stone cold iron pipe lock. Yeah, yeah I think a lot of kids try to Google what that is.

If you were going to say to me something happy and you started to say this one was happy, it'd probably like happy death date to you with the sequel to the first one. Happy meal. Can we switch partners? Yeah, we can. That's OK.

No. I can't, like legally, I can't get that close to those dudes because they're restraining orders. I was real mad about laser team two. Take it to the comments. All right, your time is up. Thank you so much for deliberating. I learned a lot about what it means to be happy in your,

I'm gonna say late 30s to early 50s. Yeah. Endings. Oh, wow. You're still at time. No, no, no, no. We locked it. All right, so we are going to start with Team Fuckboy Gargoyle. Team Fuckboy Gargoyle, what word are you pairing with happy

to hopefully put some points on the board? Gilmore. Gilmore. Okay, like... As in the golf movie, the epic happy Madison Adam Sandler movie that surprisingly still holds up. Very relevant. Kids still talk about it. Kids still talk about it to this day. People are wondering if they can get a 4k Blu-ray restoration of it. So they're

searching for it. Yeah, I want to see all the anger lines on Adam's family. All right, team... Vanack. Vanack, yeah. Vanack, very good. Team Vanack, what word are you pairing with happy? Meal. Happy meal. Okay, that was my favorite dish that my mom used to make growing up.

A dish. Yeah. She unwrapped the yellow wax paper, put that on a paper plate. And I'm sorry. I was under the impression that you were the parent of a Latina shot. Look, but at the same time, the time it takes to take fries out of a McDonald's bag

and put them on a separate plate they're cold already. You can do that. That's right. The distance from the bag to the plate, it's cool. It's eom. You have a 30 second window when they go from like scalding to like you know wet unedible.

Yeah, it's nice. That's why the perfect place to eat them is right outside of a plastic tube just crawling with gunk from children. And then after I eat it, I take off my shoes and I go in there and get stuck in the slide, whichever one does when they're 10, because we're all the same size, right? Right? Right?

Yes. You and me, actually, maybe. Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I did out of McDonald's playplaces long before I aged out of them. So I would just be this giant kid watching these other kids at the time of their lives. And I'm like, Mac to beg for fun. So we have happy meal versus happy Gilmore. Let's see which one of you let's go.

They able to pull it out. Oh, let's start right. Does that mean? Yeah. What does that mean? Happy meal has 74. Happy Gilmore 31. So your term was trending higher.

Do you have 74 points? It's happy meal super popular in Hawaii. Am I reading that right? Huh. Yeah. Yeah, it's the number one. It's most searched for here in Hawaii. They don't care about happy to deal with it at all.

You were looking at that fucking like, Richter scale and being like, if I'm reading these lines right. Plus it's a goddamn genius. No, no. They're more into 54 states over there in Hawaii. They are. We're still, I think it's great that happy meal

is so popular here in Texas. But then you got states over here like, what is this? Colorado, Wyoming? Damn. Wyoming, 0% happy meal, 100% happy Gilmore. They just found out about Adam Sandler.

They did. It just came on TBS there. And they have no McDonald's apparently. Team Gargoyle Fuck Boy is trailing behind with 31 points and team the Mac. Vanack. Vanack. I'll get it.

Sorry, we'll change your name. Slut bag. Rock monster. Vanack. Vanack is that better? Slut bag rock monster. Vanack. Vanack.

Is this the first show? This is the first show? This is the first one. I think it premieres on first. You have 74 points. Oh, oh, oh, game, which is kind of embarrassing for you guys. Yeah, it's fucking me up. It's an incredibly easy to game. But look, you are not professional game players,

except for Gus. You are professional comedians, except for Gus. So our bonus round today is an honor of August 16th, National Tell a Joke Day, whichever team has the funniest joke will win 50 points. If we could fly in comedy night, please. Thank you, there we go. And I'm just gonna put this there for you.

All right, so welcoming to the stage, your first comedian, you know him, you love him. Give it up for Andrew Rosa. Oh, hey. Oh. Oh, thank you guys so much. Oh, man. I'll just tell this one joke and I'll get out of here.

So when I was 15, I caught my brother masturbating. And I'll be honest, it was pretty hard to chase him with my pants down. OK. OK. All right. Let's maybe dissect this before the next comedian. Who is Vanessa Gonzalez?

Yes, me. Oh. I couldn't. I couldn't. Oh my God, hello. Thank you so much. Woo! I was hoping to headline, but I guess, since I'm a woman I can't.

Um, what do you think happened to me the other week? My mom was visiting me here in Austin, and she saw mural, and she was like, oh my God, me, that's Judge Judy. And I was like, mom, that's Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Oh, my God. But I only know that because someone corrected me last week.

Thank you. All right. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Oh, man, I have some biases I need to get over. Oh, this next comedian has been around for what seems like forever and will refuse to die. Make it loud for Gus, sir. Woo!

Yeah! Can't get no respect. Oh, this is from his album. So you know, everyone's giving Elon Musk a lot of shit about changing the name of Twitter to X. You know, I just wish he would have renamed it to Y. That way, I could ask myself that question every time I launched that app.

Yes. Yep. Very good. All right. And your headliner for the evening. The only one of us that is, I think, pure white. Very good. All right. And your headliner for the evening. The only one of us that is, I think, pure white. Make it live for Mr. Mac Blake, everybody.

I'm not coming on to that. That's right. That's a different contract. I'm never going to come on stage to somebody next performer's pure white. You have any, you have like credits you want me to use? No, just say anything but that. Jesus Christ. All right.

Oh, Lord. This next comedian wanted me to specify that they are just regular pure. You have to play, Charlie. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, fucking dope. Hey, what's up, everyone?

I like how my head's out of frame. You're a fucking mother. That's how I'm raised the camera up or anything. He does it fit. There you go, there it is. Look at that. What's up, it's great to be here. Where am I 69ers in?

Yeah! Yeah, you guys, you ever 61? Ever done a 61? That's when you're going down on a partner and they die. Pfft. Let's go, two-fins solution. You can go time six-life. Ah!

Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. All right, everybody. Thank you all for all the comedians you've seen tonight. Pfft. Thank you for joining us.

Please don't forget to validate on the way out and we've had a lovely evening. All right, that was just phenomenal. I loved all of that. My favorite was the 61 joke, though. That was my favorite joke. Bias. Massage- favorite joke. Buys. Okay.

Massage-en-ee. Ooh. Ooh. I like Massage-en-ee. Massage and really go. Okay, but that is, uh, I don't feel good about this anymore. Tyler, what's 70% of 50 points? 35.

35? We're gonna add on 35 points for that one. So that's an additional 85 points, 85 points to the blue team. So let's take a look. Sorry. Hold over from Google Trends. I'm still in Google Trends mode, and I'm doing that. You're right, Bing Truts. It's, that's 85 points to team. Benac. Sloppy Toppy.

We're Sloppy. We were slutty. Ben called that before. Benac. You're looking at the throat go to the back of the day. Uh. Slutback Rock Monster, Benac. There it is.

Yeah. I like how I made no eye contact with people on his head. What do you think, carpet? Definitely. So, wife and pastor, they give you on the router. I think comes with a Slutback rock monster, Vanak. Slut monster, nope. Slut, bag.

Slut bag. I'll take rap, pack. Blue team comes. Blue team. I know. Just. Yeah. Blue team. Vanak, team Van'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that.

I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that.

I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that.

I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that.

I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. 31 points. Ooh, wow. Bleak. It's a mecha mecha. It's, yeah. Really a male fighter. Yeah, yeah. So now you know how to play the game.

Now the scores are not as close as I thought that they were going to be. Mm-hmm. Are you going to, you steal in the beer? No. Do you want the beer? You can't even see it on camera. Oh shit.

LAUGHTER Cut to me. There we go. Yeah. Now you're in frame. Whoa. It's gonna be boring. Do you want to think that's a beer?

Damn. It takes weird beer. Yeah. What is this? I think that's cool. It's cool. Why is the poising control sticker on the bed? On the bed?

I want you to know that when we asked them to pull a bottled beer out of the fridge, I pointed at that and everyone went, this one? Is it a joke beer? I don't know. No, I don't think it's beer at all. I also think it's been in there for three years. It's got India in the name, but it's made in Puerto Rico.

Oh, joking. You're drinking a tea shirt? I think it's pretty cold. Oh, cool. Say, that's weird, man. Uh, it's great. That beer has hopes. Oh, cool. Say it's weird, man. Yeah, it's great. That beer has hopes and dreams, though.

So we have one final round to play. The scores are not as close as I thought they would be. And that is really truly my fault because I do determine who gets what point. So I'm going to go ahead and say that this next round is worth double points. That's twice as many. That is true, Gus.

It's giving you a chance to catch up. I can buck him up. We got this. I can say that for this man. I'm sorry, you're having a horrible time. I got a bad heart. I think it's double points. Shhh.

So it's not the dumb thing. August 3rd might seem like just another day, but it's actually National Grab Some Nuts Day. After spending about five minutes doing some being searching, I was not able to figure out the origins of this holiday, but I don't think you should blame anyone but Bing for that one, honestly. Sure. So we're gonna play it safe and say that your final word is problematic.

Go! Hmm. Who's been canceled recently? Let's go through the list. Oh, yeah. say that your final word is problematic. Go. Who's been canceled recently? Let's go through the line. Oh, yeah. I was going to say problematic actor. That feels like that's the real not funny answer that I want to get. Politician.

Problematic. Problematic. The, this show? This show? Yeah. It's a good. Okay, I hope so. Um, problem. But if you were like searching problematic, what are you probably looking for?

Out joke? Yeah, maybe you're trying to remember something. Like, what was that problematic joke? Or what was that problematic movie? Problematic. RASH? Name? Problematic. Raccoon, Problematic.

Oh. We've all been there. Yeah. I got one laugh. I appreciate that. I'll see you all about cooning my attic. It's gonna be red. Yeah.

Who's like, I got your help in the talk to him. Term? Oh. Oh, name. Yeah. Or, you know, like, maybe somebody being like, I got here, I'll talk to him. Term? Oh, I'm named. Yeah. Or maybe somebody being like, I'm just double checking myself. Is it okay to call a person this?

And they're like, problematic name for and then just whatever they want, cab drivers. Oh, all right. Oh, all right. Oh, all right. Oh, all right. I want, I'm leaning toward problematic actor or problematic politician.

Something like that. Those are neck and neck. If you were searching problematic, what would you actually be searching for, do you think? I was thinking like, yeah, joke, person. You know, you said it's a show though, right? What? Problematic?

No, I meant this show. I was making a joke. Could you show a problematic? No. Uh-huh. Could that be like someone looking for a problematic show, like why is it problematic? Oh, problematic show is a good thing.

Yeah, maybe that. Oh, problematic show. I really don't know. I think about Griff actually, I think about problematic. Is it problematic? Yeah, the problematic show. The problematic show. Problematic.

Problematic actor. I'm like that. I'm like that. Yes, I mean, if we go to a problematic show, that sounds good. Problematic show. I fucking don problematic actor. I'm a like that. I'm like that. Yes, I mean, if we go over a minute, a problematic show, that sounds good. Problematical. I don't, I fucking don't know.

And that is your time. All right, given you some time to deliberate, found a lot from both of you that you think this show is problematic. Didn't necessarily love that insinuation, but let's go ahead and see it. These are the results. They are worth a double the points.

This one can really make or break the game. We have problematic actor versus problematic show. We're focusing the results this. Okay, never mind. It looks like double zero. Yeah. That's on. No. Let's hold on.

I gotta see which states. There's nothing. Oh, okay. Nobody has searched those things. Wait, can we actually search problematic actor? I'll see who comes up. Yeah, let's do that. Let's show you there.

That's what I would have guessed. Okay, yeah. It's your, wow. Homer Simpson. This one, uh, kind of surprised me a little bit. If I'm gonna be real with you, but, uh, if I'm gonna be even realer with you, this one,

not surprising at all. I, in my, I was gonna guess, uh, James Franco. James Franco would be good. He's right there. In number two. Oh, yeah. Um, Scar Jo and, uh, and I thought, I was like, what was their problem?

But they're in remember where, at least two of those women have played Asians before. Correct. Yeah. Oh, 16 actors who regret controversial castings. Oh,

oh, oh, would you ever play something outside of your race, Andrew? Um, and what were on the topic? I played hockey. I did that. Okay.

I played hockey. Fair enough. Well, at the top of it? I played hockey. Okay. Fair enough. Well, at the end of this game show, team fuckboy guard goiil is in the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like the gates open for the horses to run, and we just were eating hay right there at the thing.

No, you're not eating. You vomit it. You vomit it in the trip. Bleh. No, you're not eating, you vomit it. You vomit it in the trip. Bleh! Right, yep. And taking the victory is team Vanack with 159 points. I wanna say to both of you, Vanessa and Mack,

thank you so much for joining us. Where can people find you guys? VanessaCommity.com. I have a comedy album, my birthday's tomorrow, and a podcast. That's the name of the album. The birthday's tomorrow. Yes.

Also, because the birthday's not tomorrow. And thank you. And my podcast is called I'm Not Busy. Yes, awesome. Matt, I got a podcast. It's Real Good. It's called Punch Mountain. It's a podcast about action movies that we like.

Nice. And that goes to with a man named David Hada. And it's a lot of fun. That's awesome. That's great. Are you looking for guests? We just are starting to have guests because we just cannot stop talking to each other.

And so yeah, we're going to dip our toes in the guest waters coming up. Yeah, I'll come on. So if you like, sure. Call your bluff at that inviting yourself. I'm doing it like, oh, okay. I thought I would spend the whole time being mean and he'd be like, no, absolutely not. But he's just the nicest guy.

Yeah, you seem fun and funny. Don't do that. Come on the show. Now, the whole production crew is shaking the... Joe, I'm the artist. Now, the whole production crew is shaking their heads. They are. We're not having it. Sorry. I'm a problematic actor.

Oh, man. Are you all microphone? Punching. We're not striking. So this bullsick can do it. God dammit. You know, punching mountains? It's a punch mountain.

Punch mountain. That fucking rock. That's an awesome name. And you also have an album coming up, is that right? Uh, yeah, macplaycomedy.com for more information about that kind of dumb stuff. Oh, yeah. But yeah, Vanessa's album's real good.

Yeah. So, Mac has an album. We have two of them, actually. Oh, yeah. Coming out with a third. So great. All of them are hilarious. Vanessa's album, absolutely killer.

Listen to all their stand-up records. Cannot love them more. Tremendous. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you, Andrew. Yeah, there. Thank you again to both of our guests for coming on.

And thank you to Andrew and Gus for absolutely throwing this match. Yeah. Feels like, so I do. Just some fucking horseshit playing. I've been Armando Torres, thank you, for tuning in to the pilot of Bing Charts. We'll see you next time. Pfft.

Pfft. Pfft. Wow. Pfft. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. And we're back. Uh, thank you, boy, so much for joining us for Google Trends. I loved playing that. I loved getting my ass stomped by your friends. My mind fricked out. Yeah, exactly. That Google Trends map for Happy Meal versus Happy Gilmore is still going to hot me.

You're telling me, nobody in Mississippi is googling Happy Meals? I don't buy that. That doesn't make any sense to me. Happy Gilmore won that way too much. There's some anomalies in that map we need to explore. Yeah, that's the map of it was the map Andrew was showing us earlier off camera of the people who disappear mysteriously and like the cave system in America. And then also the people who don't like happy meals. It's like McDonald's is the one that's making them disappear. It's fucking grimace hiding in the holes, fucking pulling you down.

Rubble, rubble, it's the fucking hamburger glories. He's taking, he's got a taste for people now. We all rubble down here. Oh my god, that was so much fun. Thank you guys for indulging me, letting me do my stupid little show again. That's fun. I like it. Yeah, you were telling me after we finished that it was kind of similar to like on the spot.

And maybe think of on the spot. Yeah, like two teams and a lot of like the improv kind of stuff. Oh yeah, I love that stuff. It is a, when I started doing that show, it was kind of actually like, if you're unfamiliar or if I didn't explain it well enough, it was a show that we did at Fun House and that they gave to me and I was maybe the fifth person to host it.

And I watched every version of that show and then made a new version of it. And what I thought was really fun was that it is the perfect setup for people to like be funny and riff with each other. And then people got mad at me because they were like, I came to see what was trending. And so you could just go to the site. It's free for anyone.

Yeah. You could just do that. Or you can do it on Bing or whatever. I think you have to pay for it. I tried to look it up. I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm not. I'm not that curious.

Oh, man. But it was so, it was so much fun. And thank you guys for having us. But hey, look, here's the thing. Stealing shows from a channel you used to work for, it's expensive. So we're gonna cut to our sponsors and hopefully recoup our losses.

Let's get that money, baby. This episode of the RT podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. It is so easy to get caught up in what everyone else needs from you and forget what you need from yourself. I know that I've been guilty of sometimes putting other people before myself too much and man, I find myself mentally exhausted and burned out quite a bit. And if you've ever found yourself feeling that way, therapy can give you the tools to find more balance in your life so that you can keep supporting others without leaving

yourself behind. Therapy can also be a great tool for learning positive coping skills, learning to set boundaries and empowering you to be the best version of yourself. And if you are thinking about giving therapy a try, better help is a great option that is convenient, flexible, and entirely online. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Find more balance with BetterHelp.

Visit betterhelp.com slash rooster today to get 10% off your first month. That is better help H-E-L-P dot com slash rooster. And that'll get you 10% off your first month. One more time better help. Dotcom slash rooster. What would you do if you had the freedom to be anyone or to go anywhere without limitations? Start your journey and experience for yourself the feeling of total freedom when you game with Alienware.

Alienware is your portal to new worlds where limits don't exist and the only rules are the ones you decide to make. Defy boundaries and start gaming now at Alienware.com. Next-gen gaming is built with Intel Core i9 processors. Welcome everybody to RTCares where we take your questions and turn them into the worst advice possible. Today we have a question. Just laugh at other people's misery. Yeah, that's the way that's this whole show. Yeah, that's life, baby. That's the only way to get through this. It's like a one wild and precious existence. Yeah. So here's our question. A few months ago, I lent my friends some money. They still haven't paid me back.

I've asked for it on multiple occasions and now my foe wow. And now my friend and our group treat me like I'm an asshole. How can I get my money back? Oh shit. Yeah. Fucking a third party has entered the game. Yeah. And when it's just between two people, that's something you can handle, hopefully like adults. The second you get triangulated and like, hey dude, don't be a dick. Why is the group interjecting themselves? Why are they, why are they

introduced into this scenario? That's fucked up. That's, yeah, I was, it's almost as fucked up as asking for your money back. If you ask me, it seems like you owe somebody some money. This is actually extra funny to me because I personally are my notorious. Oh, Andrew rose us like $130. I'll get it sometime. Yeah. Listen, Ed, you got to stop being a dick. You got to stop asking about this.

I'm a real piece of shit. You're a real fucking asshole. That really threw me for a loop. The whole like my friend group is treating me like an asshole. I think so this isn't helpful for your situation in general, but we can use your situation as a cautionary tale to others. Never lend money to friends unless you're Andrew Rosas and your friend is our mother Torez. It's almost like if you're lending it, you need to have the expectations not coming back.

That's what I've always heard. That's like something my mom has always told me, and which I thought was crazy, because I was like, you know me, when have I ever had extra money? Then yeah, then don't lend it. Yeah. If you're not comfortable enough to let it go,

not that I'm like blaming this person for not getting their money back, that's really, really shitty, but man, yeah, you're right, as far as cautionary tales and like, the way to think about it going forward, that's how I would approach it. Yeah. We had a different RT cares where it was like never, we said you should never move in with somebody

that you're like really good friends with because it'll like ruin the relationship. I feel like lending money is one of those things too. Yeah. Like you never really want to lend money to somebody that you really love hanging out with because people with money, not people who have, well, actually, no, people who have a lot of money, fucking suck.

But when it comes to money, yeah. Show us your bank account. Whip it out right now. Whip it out. The basic thing is that's the reason I got banned off the show to begin with. I just think when it comes to money, it brings out the worst in people, generally.

Yeah, and in terms of like, I feel like lending money to friends is like going to a casino. Expect to lose that money. That is something to quote the entire generation X, charge it to the game player. Charge it to the game. Charge it to the motherfucking game. You like, you gotta, like at some,

and, and you know, it really depends on like how much money you're talking to, because I was like, hey, can I borrow 10 grand? It's like, first of all, I don't got 10 grand, buddy. You're blocking up the wrong wallet. Like, I do not have that much money lying around to give you. Is there anything this person can do

to get their money back? Do you think? So that's the thing is I've been like mulling this around in my head. I think you start repossessing stuff from their house. Exactly. But you don't tell them. No.

But you recoup however much you got. I'm hoping, because here's the thing, this is the only option in my head that makes sense is if it was like $20. If you lent somebody $20 and you've been hounding them for it, I could see being a third party and being like, dude, it's fucking $20. I'll give you $20. I don't think the way it's phrased, I don't think it's $20. I don't think's fucking $20. I'll give you $20. I don't think the way it's phrased. I don't think it's $20.

I don't think so. This sounds like multiple hundreds worth of dollars. Yeah. Yeah. In that case, go and get multiple hundreds dollars worth of stuff from your friends house. But it's got to be stuff that is useful, but not used on a daily basis,

so that they'll discover that it's missing when they need it the most. Yeah, I'm talking nail clippers, extra batteries. I'm talking a vacuum. I'm talking a... You're talking about psychological warfare. Oh, yeah. I make them feel like, okay, I had a kitchen, a mixer.

I have one. I see a little bigger, like an oven. Spinders me a stove in this place? Ghosts you put a pot and it just drops it on the floor like, oh, I'm thinking something's different. Yeah, the idea of walking into your own kitchen and missing an oven and getting to that step and just, I'm thinking something changed.

Didn't used to be this way. It's like putting it at the level that it would be if you let it go, it would just stay there and then just, wait a second. Clang, clang, clang, chili everywhere. That's what I always picture. The grossest thing to drop.

It's chili. It's like, oh, fuck. Especially because I've moved an oven before. I know what it looks like when it's gone. It's just a, it's fucking gross. It's the grossest thing ever. You can't clean back there. No. Absolutely. I's fucking gross. It's the grossest thing ever. You can't clean back there. No, you can't clean back there.

I mean, like, we're the bugs hanging. Yeah. Yeah, the unkillable bugs. That's their, that's their fucking club med back there. They're back there smoking. Yeah. I'm under the bleachers in high school.

Look. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just that they, they've got a poster of like bugs playing poker. Yeah. On the wall, they've got that picture. like bugs playing poker on on a wall. They've got that picture I want to I want to see that club and they've got also a poster of just a different bug in in a sexy bikini

That if they move there's a tunnel to get out of the house. Oh, absolutely Other than stealing though. Yeah, which is cool. Other than stealing and theft, which is awesome What are other ways do you think that somebody could get their money back from their fraud? Man. A public Venmo request. Ooh, oh, that's awesome, especially if you're like, if you put in the details and it's not like,

the thing is, is it can't be passive aggressive? No, it has to be descriptive. That's to be aggressive aggressive. Yes. You owe me this amount of money for the purchase of blank at this time that I let you and you promised to pay me back. The money I gave you on this date. Yes.

Which was, I'll presumably some time ago. Eggplant emoji, pizza emoji. Yeah, drugs and dick, the two things that people get in through Venmo. Yeah, drugs and dick, the two things that people get through Venmo. Yeah, I think a public Venmo request, and then if they don't respond, you screenshot that request and post it to your stories and tag them in it. But the friend group has already put this person on the out, so you're just like doubling down.

The only way out is through us. Okay. Listen, if they're thinking, listen, if they're calling you an asshole, the group, the group being like, hey man, don't be a dick. I'm thinking you're an asshole. It's like, okay, that's the only thing

that makes me think it's like over like $100. Because if it's like $100, is that, is $100 worth a friendship or a friend group? No, just let it go. If it's like 500 to 1000, if it is a PS5 worth a thing and you're like, oh, I'm not an asshole, I need that money back. You wanna show them what an asshole is?

You gotta like really double down, be like, all right, I'm going full asshole and I'm getting this money back or I'm losing the friends. Yeah, that's a good one. One way or another. One way or another. Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I think at that point, you take it a step further than a Venro request. I think you just fucking subpoena there is. And you serve them in public small claims court. Yeah, I was gonna say Skyrider. Just get this. Do that cost $1,400? You spend more money trying to get the money back.

Worth every say. Yeah, it's a matter of principle at this point. I'm gonna spend money to make money. Yeah, oh my God. I've been going, this is like a slight deviation and I'm sorry, but I've been going through this thing right now where an old property management company that I lived at in Los Angeles called Graystar, which is popping up all over

the country. Real pieces of shit. I fucking hate this place. They have been trying to charge me for a whole month of rent that I didn't live at this place. And they're likeasing office, backdated my, this was the plant, is they backdated my lease because there was like a negotiation thing where I just didn't have a lease for two months and I was like, I'm not gonna pay rent if I don't have a lease and they were like, we totally understand, we'll get this figured out,

then we'll back date that you'll pay for this two months. Boom, perfect. So now they're trying to charge me thousands of dollars for this thing. And they, and it's not unique to just them, I'm saying they is in all management companies for the most part, a real predatory and are just hoping that you will not want to fight

the charges and just fucking pay up because it's easier, it's the easiest route to take. You're probably trying to get another apartment and that shit will stop you from being able to get one. What they don't know is that Armando Torres is the most petty person you could ever get into an argument with. I am a person who ran for mayor of Los Angeles in order to get out of a parking ticket. I have nothing but time and resources.

And at this point, I don't even care about the money. It is the principle of the thing. 100%. I am waging full on war against great star public fucking property management. Yeah. And if this continues, great star, you can expect death. No, I can't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you can expect death. No, I can't go that far.

I can't go that far. As you're more your advice, you're too. I said, as you're more your, I cannot advise you to say that. Good, yeah, yeah. I didn't say anything about bombs. No, no, no, no. No, I would never kill them. I don't know that I can say that.

That might get cut. I don't know. It probably will. What you don't understand about our monitors is, yes, he will go to great lengths, far beyond what any normal human would do, because apartment complexes or, I think most predatory places like this count on never encountering a person like you.

Yeah. They're like, okay, if we meet one out of 10,000 people that does this to us, it's worth it. But then meet one out of 10,000 people that does this to us, it's worth it. But then everyone out of 10,000 people is a person like you with time and resources who will spend so much effort to not allow to get fucked by these guys.

And I love that. That's one of my favorite things about you. Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, it's true. You're doing it, you know, because you were fighting the fight of all the people who were like, I just want to be done with this. I'm like, of course I'm getting fucking butt fucked on this deal.

But I just want to be able to be over and I want to get on with my life and get in my new apartment and move and just fucking write them a check and forget about it. You, I was like, I wish there was my, I wish I had a champion. I wish there was someone who would like fight for me and be my avatar against these horrible corrupt people. I love that thought, that like that's something you could do in like a, what do you call a small claims court. I would actually like to choose my champion, the scammer.

Yeah, yeah. The thing goes out there, it does this bullshit. My favorite part about this entire experience has been that every single person that I talk to from them on the phone, I'm very polite, very nice, but I will say things that infuriate them and they'll just like start screaming at me. And then they'll, I'll go, oh, I don't think you can talk to me like that. I'd like to be transferred and then somebody else will hop on the phone and be super apologetic

and within five minutes is screaming at me too. You're going to work your way through the whole call center. Yeah, it's fun, dude. They started ghosting some of my calls. It was really cool. Oh yeah, you can have to call from different numbers. Oh, I have them. So they get burned from you and they're ghosting you.

Yeah, that's the thing, Gus, because they're trying to wait me out so that they can sell the debt to a small claimant. And then it's gonna be, it's already difficult because they just like, they don't, how do I say this? I'm dealing with account receivable and not a legal team. And so whenever I show them the California codes that they are breaking, they're like, well, we're not familiar with that. We live in like South Carolina or something. And I'm like, okay, well, can I speak to somebody who's familiar in California housing

law? And they're like, that's us. And I go, oh, what are your qualifications? And they go, what do you mean? I work at a blah, blah, blah, blah. And I go, oh, that's crazy. Because if you were up to date on it, you would know that what you're doing is illegal. And I'm like, well, we're doing isn't illegal.

And I go, okay, sure. I mean, but it is. And then I'll just keep doing that over and over and over until they get like really upset at me. And then they just stop dealing with me. And it's been like, I just keep calling, I keep doing stuff, I keep sending him. You know, the point is, I guess what I'm trying to say

is that if you wanna be the friend that doesn't wanna pay back the money, just be really hard to deal with. Yeah, just be our Mond to deal with. Yeah. Just be our Mondo Torres and just be a fucking monster. Have you ever owed, have you ever lent somebody money? Lent somebody money. Yeah.

It's, it's in a similar situation, like lent friends money. And did it ruin the friendship? No, it didn't ruin the friendship. Oh good. But it was tough. I've been through the same situation. It's like, come on, you owe me your money here. You owe me a PS5 worth of money here.

Speaking of, which era? Gus. Can I borrow some? Can I borrow some? Sure, what do you need? Just to get some money. I need a PS5, that's okay. Just to get some money?

Yeah, yeah, PS5, I'll share everyone. Yeah, we're putting it in order for PS5's in. Anybody want some? Orange whip, orange whip? PS5, PS5? Okay. No, Tyler, you don't need one. You don't need one.

You don't need one. Yeah, Cameron, you got one. You got one. Did you get the money back or did you just go? Eventually, yes, it took a long time. Was it, yes? No, it's not a chance. But it's awkward and sucks, it really does.

Yeah. And I think this is the perfect time to announce that we're launching a service that Armando will be providing. If you need to get money back from someone, Armando Torres will offer his services as the fucking thorn in their side. Maybe you should absolute bur in their saddle for a small collections fee. We'll get your money back for a small

collections fee for being the hardest person on earth to deal with. Maybe that should be the extension of our tea care. So you're going to reach out and you're going to help this person get their money back. Honestly, yeah, you'll be their personal collection agency. Yeah. Oh, man, I, it's boy, howdy. It doesn't make me, it brings me so much joy. It's the same energy as like when a scam call center during the pandemic, when I was just like super unemployed and you get those scam calls, I would always just stay on. I would just stay on them and give them a bunch of fake information. And then also yes and them which drives them crazy where they're like, there was some suspicious activity like, did you send $3,000 to such and such and you just go, yeah, And they go, no you didn't.

And I go, what are you talking about? Yeah, I did. You have my account in front of you. It says that I did. Yeah. And then it drives them wild. Dude, that's crazy. I never thought about that.

Yeah, you just, yes, and them all the time. Just keep, you fucking go with it. Always go with it. Just waste your time. Yeah, brilliant. I absolutely sent $3,000 to the Cayman Islands offshore holding corporation. Absolutely.

I've also, okay. This is again another deviation, but I've realized that like, I've heard online that you're not supposed to do this all the time because sometimes they get vindictive and they'll like try to swap you and stuff. I have realized that I am the least trackable person, maybe within the country, other than the fact that I am constantly posting

my schedule online of ways you can find me. But like my, every driver's license I have, has a different address on it, none of them are where I live. Yep. Everything that I have, like goes through different PO boxes because like, I, for the businesses that I own and run. If you're a elaborate re-boxing scam, you're businesses that I own and run. If you're a lab or a re-boxing scam, you're going to run it for years.

And I mean re-bocking scam. I'm selling fake re-box. They're actually Nike's. And yeah, I just found out that my phone number, if you like reverse search it, it brings up the name of somebody completely different with a different address, which also explains why I get a ton of missed calls asking for Lisa.

But yeah, my area code is for a different place, my car is registered to a different location. You cannot track me down. You do not exist. I'm a fucking off the grid. You can't go into a national park. You'll never find you. And they'll never be, they'll think that I like flat or something. And the worst part is I was just trying to cross a small stream and went, whoops, I'm

died. Hup! I'm on those last words, hup! That's gonna be my, for sure my last words are gonna be, oh no! And then they're followed by the collapse of the earthquake noise of my body hitting the floor. I guess just, my advice to you is to preemptively don't, but also at a certain point like, for this question, ask her, you have to judge the money

versus that friend group. Yep, and I feel like if that friend group is willing to go on the side of the person who's clearly in the wrong, right? Right. Like, if you owe somebody money and it's provable and you're not paying it back, you're kind of being a dick.

Absolutely. So I feel like way how much you like that friend group versus how much you want that money, do you want to just let that money go and stay friends with them? Do you want to hit them with a small claims court? It sounds like sportsdirt time to me. Yeah.

Yeah. Or holy shit, why didn't I think of this before? Judge Judy. Judge Judy. This is the perfect fucking opportunity. You can go on Judge Judy. Isn't it Judy justice now? I should shut up.

Yeah, I think she rebranded it. It's always Judge Judy. Son, Amazon. And it's on freebies. It's on freebies. Yeah, I saw up. Yeah, I think she rebranded. It's always Judge Judy. Sun Amazon. And it's on FreeV. It's on FreeV. Yeah, I saw that. There's a Judy Justice and some other judge that has a TV show that's named also Judy

and they have to specify her like the last name. I noticed because they were like, we can't, you can't just call yourself Judge Judy. Right. You have to call yourself Judge Judy Carmel or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, Shionlin, Judge Judy Shionlin. Is that what it is? duty shot what I think her name is Judy shine lin yeah I think you're right. Yeah This is the perfect opportunity to go on judge Judy

I've wanted this my entire life and you have it in your fucking hands The palm of your you get to piss on someone's leg and tell them it's raining you get to do that and you can and it's fucking reality TV so the crazier you are the more that they'll put you on there all right go on judge Judy and be like not only did he borrow 500 bucks from me, he got me pregnant. Oh! Yes, in the audience. That's right.

I love his plan. That's a good plan. Great. I think is that it? That's it. Go on Judge Judy and steal. Thanks for your thanks for Sony. We care.

If you would like to have your questions answered, if you need advice from us. Answered. You have your quotation. Yes. Then you should go send your question over to RTcares at roostertief.com. That's where we'll be able to see it. Does he have to hold up a board with the address? No, I knew the address.

Code is being helpful. Our producer is just like Ben Gray. Why do you have I knew the address. Cody's being helpful. And our producer's just like being great. Why do you have to write that down? It's so simple. We know I knew it. It's that we forgot to keep mentioning it for months. Most of the questions we've done off of RT Care's game are happening here from a Instagram story post

that I did where I asked people what they needed advice on. It literally says mention RT Care's at Rooster. Yes, they've told me to mention this. Give me the sign, RT cares at rooster. Yeah, you say the whole thing. mention this here. Give it give me the sign code. He bring it out. Yeah, come out. So we're flying in. We're flying in this sign. So the little lights are going to blow out the writing. There we go. RT cares at rooster. You know the rest. Rooster. Rooster dot dot dot you. Yeah, you get the idea at rooster teeth dot com r t cares at rooster teeth dot com they would just leave it here the whole time next time yeah and then you'll be able to see it

we're on screen graphics who needs it just do it old school whiteboard it yeah one of the lower third that's actually physically a lower third yeah exactly all information should be shared like i'm asking for money on the side of a freeway. Interest. All right, it is time for my favorite segment of the week. Every week, let's go to Always On. Welcome to Always On. If you've been paying attention, you know that the news is terrifying. So we took some of the headlines and turned them into punchlines. This week we have another circle Joe

Yeah, I'm just a little guy Look at this angle listeners and oh, I can't see this but Yeah, we messed up and we put Gus in the seat that I have to sit in so that we're all the same height And now you look like a child and I look like an NFL star who's about to accept his position. You look like a kid in the hospital that the NFL star is visiting. Hey, I just want to tell you it's going to get better. I'm going to go out there and get fucking head trauma for you.

Yeah, I'm going to get CTE for your kid. I'm going to get CTE and I hope you survive your leukemia. So, guys, if you're unfamiliar, but I know you're not. No, I know a circle joke. You listen, no joke. Oh, that's not what you told me we were doing. No, circle jokes. That's the show. Yeah, I said that you were gonna sit there in the middle

and we were gonna joke off around you. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'm his hearing. It's so sad that his hearing is going to be so bad. So we are going to tell three jokes each, and then I want you to tell us which joke you like the best. All right, I'm going to start us off this week. Oh, it's a circle joke.

Fuck. A fossil found in China suggests that early mammals may have hunted dinosaurs for food. The remains of our very distant ancestors were found with its mouth wrapped around a bird-like creature. Guys, we went through this with Pompeii, okay? They were clearly fucking. Yeah. Yeah.

I say they were a fucking baby. Yeah. Prehistoric action. That's right. Yeah. The dinosaurs knew the same thing. Like when that volcano explodes, like we got to get one in.

Yeah. I like it. It was a very early mammal in his longtime platonic room. Uh-huh. The twin. It's the worst. Yeah.

All right, after a trend gained a popularity on TikTok, experts are warning people about using gasoline to kill wasps. Many scientists are saying, just wait, gasoline is gonna kill everything. Oh, that's a thinker. Oh, boy. I could not think of anything worse than the idea

of a flammable wasps. Especially because wasps can do that thing where they call other wasps, right? Oh, yeah, they do that. When they're danger. They do that finger whistle when they... Yeah, yeah. ... that I can't do. They like that firework that is

all in every Mexican neighborhood around the force of July. Yeah, exactly. The Paloma. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shit.

Shit. I know what you're talking about. Paul Jesus accidentally the most Hispanic podcast we've ever done. It's true. George R.R. Martin has announced that he is shocked that House of the Dragon is still filming through the strikes.

And honestly, we love to see support like this. I mean, George R.R. Martin has personally been on a writer's strike since 2011. Oh, fucking god, I'm- God, he- God, I'm- Oh, my god. The whole Game of Thrones phenomenon came and went. Yeah. And the last book still has it come out.

Wow. You know, he's probably doing something, right, where he pitched them some of his ideas, and they used it in the final season just so he could see how the reaction would be. Yeah, exactly. Kind of soft pitched them in the room, and then it made another I was like, oh fuck I gotta go back to that typewriter because he absolutely uses a typewriter like 100% Yeah, that dude's on a computer. He's got he's got fucking firefox or chrome on it. So he's not writing anything Oh, that's right. Oh, I need to do something. I'm pretty tabs with entire. I swear to George RR Martin uses duck duck go absolutely without question. He dresses like a fucking BDSM train conductor.

You see him? You don't get those clothes with a typewriter, all right? You're a disavowed shit. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, here we go. An 83 year old man crashed his SUV into an assisted living facility in Massachusetts. Damn, that retirement home was just one day away from opening.

Nice. Holy shit. I'm on me, my favorite job. Oh, man. A Florida Chipotle employee has been accused of seducing multiple customers' husbands. A spokesperson for Chipotle was quoted as saying, for too long, we have ruined your guts. Well, now here's your chance to get all up in hour. Oh! I, I, I, I, I. That's what she said as she came on your husband's thick. Oh, my God.

That's spicy. Oh, my word. Folks, Barbie or a black Panther for white bitches open this weekend To huge box office numbers $155 million Critics are worried that Barbie will set unrealistic expectations for toy movies. Yay! Black Panther for white bitches!

Oh, not gonna lie, he had us in the first half. Oh, that's quality. That's quality. That's a... Oh, right. Holy shit, oops, all bangers. Yeah. Gus, which was your favorite joke?

It's gotta be Black Panther for Whitebidges. It's gotta be Barbie, I'm gonna say it's for K-T for Coinbeast. Hey Drew, shit! Way to kill it. Oh, absolutely phenomenal, Andrew. What a fantastic episode. Gus, thank you so much for joining us.

Thanks, everybody. Where can people find you? No where. Oh, you heard it here, folks. He's gone. Thanks, I mean where can people find you nowhere? Oh Hey, you heard it here folks He's gone anyway, I'm a ghost rested piece customer and to the rest of you. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye So I don't have enough podcasts not enough places for me to spew nonsense. So I started a new one. It's about things that are interesting to me.

Who shot J.R.? Irish folk music? What happened to Acapulco? Hopefully you will listen to it, and you'll find out the answers to these and other in name questions. Alright. you