Rooster Teeth Podcast - Changing the Weather in our Favor - #772

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

Andrew is back and there is plenty to talk about! This week the gang discusses his vacation, the sudden drop in temperature, more changes to the podcast, and the consequences of the national test. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/ROOSTER to get 10% off your first month. Go to http://helixsleep.com/rooster to get 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Exclusive! Grab the NordVPN deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/roosterteeth and get extra subscription time. Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Risteteer Production. Welcome to the only show two weeks away from being turned into a spirit Halloween. It's the RT podcast. I am your host, Armada Torres, and joining me is always our my co-host. We have Andrew Rosas. I'm back. And... I'm glad Andrew's back.

I am a Muslim. I also... joining us, us of course is Griff Milton. I told Andrew who has been on vacation in the Pacific Northwest and Los Angeles. Yeah, I was there for a few days and also I was. Yeah, has been gone for two weeks. I told him one of the maybe saddest things I've ever told a friend, which is that like,

what did I say, a low key on some homie shit? I kept trying to invite you to go out to eat or do stuff, and then I forgot you weren't even here. Yeah, I'm like, man, I was just gonna reach out and like say, hey, you wanna go get some food and then I remembered, you're gone. Yeah. So I ate enough food for two people.

Yeah. And now I only fit in clothing that represents the midway. I realized you were gone and that did not in any way change the door. Oh, man. Yeah. How have you been? How's your vacation, man? I mean, what can you say about vacations? They're wonderful. You should people should take them if they're able. I haven't I hadn't taken a full like two-week vacation and the entire time I've been at RT. Oh, yeah, no, very stupid.

I should have done that. No, it was great. Los Angeles was fantastic. I saw a bunch of my friends out there and then it was only there for three days and then went to Bend, Oregon for a little bit and then to Portland for a week. And my God, I know I'm trying to sell for a week. And my God.

I listen, I know I'm trying to sell all my friends in the Pacific Northwest. I don't want to sell you on the Pacific Northwest. You know how amazing it is. I've gone to the Mecca for hot tattooed women a million times. Yes. And yeah, I don't know.

Oregon has every, especially Portland has everything that I want, which is books, cold weather, depressed people who are again so attracted. So hot. So very hot. So tattooed, so bisexual. I'm gonna be home of home. My Portland's gay. Yeah. I mean mean look no further.

It really truly is the play. I mean it really truly is Valhalla for that shit. Yeah, it's absolutely incredible. You are also in Los Angeles, I believe, when the strike ended, right? The writer's strike. I left the day after, like the day I left, the next day, the strike ended.

So I don't want to take all the credit for it. They brought in the closer. I mean, so you left, you left the strike ended. Yeah. And you came back here and now it's cold. So like, and the heat has ended. So I'm gonna, I just got, it just got sauce.

I've got some sort of, you know, physical power. Yeah, exactly. Oh, the strike, I'm descended from one of the old ones. So I keep giving this so you guys. I Don't know how to tell you this buddy, but I think you are just an old one I saw that you posted this on your own Instagram, but like people keep doing the joke to you Or it's like oh, you just brought the great weather with you because you you everywhere you go

It suddenly becomes beautiful and nice. Yeah. I, I know I did that as a joke, I did that as a joke on my Instagram, but like, it was completely based in the truth. Like the week, gotten, the week I got into bend, the I flew into bend through wildfire smoke. Oh!

Like, bend organ is a little bit south, southeast of Portland. It's in where the high desert starts. It's still beautiful. It's a ski town, but there's a lot of wildfires there. It's still beautiful, it's a ski town, but there's a lot of wildfires there. And when I landed, it was like, you went through the clouds and then into orange smoke.

I was like, I'm so glad computers fly these planes now because you could not see the ground at all. You know what, I heard two situations. And truly, yeah. And truly, I couldn't see the ground until it was 15 feet. But I was looking out the window and I was like, oh, there's the ground. We're about to land. Like, boom, and then we landed. It was fine.

But I've never heard the phrase. I mean, boom, what is that we landed in? It was fine. Yeah. But so the day I got there, flew into wildfire smoke. Next day, it rained, cleared all the smoke out, put out the fires, crisp, beautiful 62 degrees. The entire time I was there and Ben, I was like,

okay, and my sister, my sister lives there. I was like, yeah, it's been kind of smoky and the air quality's been trash for like the last like two weeks and the day you fly and the day after you fly and it like clears up. Then went into a government camp, which is a like little like cabin like ski town near Mount Hood. Also it had been like weirdly like super rainy there, got in cleared up bright blue sky. Like went into Portland cleared up bright blue sky after it had been raining for a little bit like.

Yeah, we had had we have eight Austin city limits going on right now yeah here in Austin and a bunch of my friends are in town for this music festival and since you've been gone it's been I know we all sang the song lyrics in our head everyone everyone dead It's been 79 degrees. It's been so pleasant to be outside Yeah, it's just like an absolute treat and I've had my friends telling me like oh Now I see why you move to Austin. It's nice here. I just keep wrapping them by the fucking Okay, that's what I always say. I live through 108 for two months. I feel like a two, a third of the people

who currently live in Austin came here for ACL one time and they were like, God damn, this is beautiful. It's gorgeous, it's, it's balmy, it's nice. This guy is blue, there's a lake, there's all this cool stuff, there's bars. I'm gonna move here and I'm like, if you want to move here, come in August. Yeah.

Test it in August, test it in the first week of September. You can like that. Then you can move here. July 20th. Come here July 20th. July 20th. And tell me that you fucking like it. Yes.

Truly, people come here for ACL, which is like late, mid to late October. And it's like, that is the two week window where Austin has LA weather. Yeah. And so LA people come here, it's like, that is the two week window where Austin has LA weather. Yeah. And so LA people come here, it's like, it's the same city. No. Wrong bitch.

No. It is not at all. It's a catfish. It's Austin just catfishing air. Much like LA, Austin is catfishing everyone in LA. It's like, oh, they're coming. All right, let me see. I'm gonna get my, I'm gonna put in my inserts.

I'm gonna get the things way up there. I'm gonna do a full face. I'm doing a full things way up there. I'm gonna do a full face I'm doing a full face waste trainer and then you know they move here and they get Austin's close off and it's different And this criss-cross Hanson says What are you doing? I'm just here over here Right just came here for the good weather Good weather, Lens, no good weather here. Oh, I was just looking for a Yeti Kool-Aid to put the Aseema. Right.

Yeah, I'm technically from, like my hometown is a little city called Indio, California. Yeah, the Couchola place, right? That's exactly right. That's where they have Couchola every year. And we have a sort of opposite problem, which is that India, California, is a fucking hellhole desert piece of shit.

Terrible place that when we were driving here with the guys from Guy's, who knew this, I said, we should stop in India. And I told them three facts about the city and they went, no! Hey, press that gas pedal a little harder. Yeah, I want you speed out of here. Yeah. India is the only place where to speed out of here. Yeah.

Any of the only place where the speed limit does go up to like 95. See all that? All the fuck out. Yeah, all the speed limits just signs go as fast as you can. Yeah, it's how I feel about every, like outside of like Austin, Dallas and Houston, that's to be the speed limit in Texas. I'm trying to get out of Texas. Yeah.

It is eight hours in any direction to get out of Texas. Can I, can I, I've lived in Texas my entire life. Well, for a brief, I've lived in Chicago for a short time, but most like 90% of, 99.9% of my life has been in Texas. Now, this is something I just learned recently. If you're in Dallas and driving to Los Angeles, do you know what the halfway point is? To the end of Texas.

El Paso. El Paso. El Paso is the halfway point between? To the end of Texas. El Paso. That's Texas. El Paso is the halfway point between Dallas and Los Angeles. That's so fucked up. That is so fucked up. That's so fucked up.

Yeah, it's fucking, which, oh, okay. Putting a pen in that for one second, I just wanted to say the worst, the best part about Coachella is that people come there in April where it's like almost a hundred degrees and they go, wow, it's really hot here and it's like just come back in summer If you think this is hot it gets a hundred and twenty degrees and it's in it's dry heat

So you just feel like you're in an inside of it not an oven, but like an easy bake So also when you moved here it was like the same no because dry. I can stand no that's fine humidity I can't stand it. I'm'm from Georgia, very swampy place. And every time I'm like, yeah, no, it's been over 100 degrees for four months. And they're like, yeah, but this is dry heat. And I'm like, no, who is telling people that Austin, Texas has a dry heat? It is the wettest heat I've ever experienced. And again, I'm from Georgia.

It is the, it's more swampy. Atlanta is like whatever. Like I went back home for my friends wedding and I almost cried when I got off the plane because it was like 81 degrees outside. I got, I was out with my friends getting dinner and we step outside and I am, they're all like sweating, talking about how hot it is.

I was shivering because it was like 77 degrees outside. They're like, God's so fucking hot. I was like, I'm the coldest I've ever been. Like, I absolutely, I, I, the one thing that I do love about Texas is how easy it is for me to gain sympathy by telling people just about my daily life where they're like, how was your summer? And I go, oh, you know, it was 105 degrees for like 45 days straight. No, no, over 100.

Yeah, over 100 degrees. Over 100 degrees. That's what I said. I have to plan, I have to plan my day about how, through how I will leap frog from air conditioning to air conditioning to place. Yeah, like midday shower. I just think about like, okay, well,

this place has air conditioning. So I'll get from here to here, which also has air conditioning. I'll stand in the like a vestibule of an IKEA and just be blasted by the air for 20 minutes. It's just right down. You can't, it's like Blade Runner where there's times of the day you just can't go outside.

Yes, and also like Blade Runner cause everyone is strapped. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's, here's my summer by the way. Here's what I did. I went to a place where I got less rights where it was over a hundred degrees for over a hundred days or whatever.

There's no marijuana. That's a huge thing. What I got here, there was a serial killer on the loose that the police said, oh, we definitely got them. And then five hours later said, we have no fucking idea where this guy is. Anyway, we're putting an alert out on anyone in the Austin area that there might be a murderer.

Yeah. Just running around. Anyway, we're putting an alert out on anyone in the Austin area that there might be a murderer. Yeah. Just running around. And then, uh, and then I was enlightened to the fact of tarantula mating season. Yeah, we both got learned that at the same time. Yeah. That was, uh, terrible. A terrifying fact that like every seven years tarantulas come out to meet with each other. Yeah.

And they don't go away until the weather cools down, which again, I don't know if you heard the thing we said before. It never does! 100 days. It never does. And I know I've probably said this before, but if you fuck like Jeepers creepers comes out to eat, you're a monster. Yes, you're a evil fucking monster.

And then, right when I thought, okay, things are starting to get better, it's gonna cool down to a crisp 95. Yeah, we're all, we're also, we're all wearing, you got sweatshirt, sweatshirt, flannel. That's because when we woke up today, the news said, oh, it's only gonna be a high of 87 and we said, that's fall weather baby, let's build a lot.

I, in my shower, I have a, one of the like Google devices and I always go, hey, what's the weather going to be like? Me too. And she said 79 and I said, at the highest pitch my voice has ever gone, bitch, what is awesome? I have this summer thing. I have my Google set. So like when I wake up in the morning, it's like, hey, I'm on the turn of the lights.

Here's the weather. Here's what you have to do today. She's my little, she's my little helper. And when I heard 79 in the twilight in my sleep, I went, Oh, God. Yeah. I was like, that's the most orgasm thing I've ever heard. And it was like in the chance of rain, those like, Oh, baby, slow down. Yeah. I had a wet dream and by wet dream, I mean, I thought it was going to rain. And not be humid. When I'm in the bathroom, I have to move the beer cans out of the way. Ask my Google, what's the weather thing like today?

Yeah, you do know my house. I wake up in my bed. I step over 45 empty McDonald's bags to get to my bathroom. It looks like a 7-11. Yeah, so now that things are finally starting to cool down to a crisp 95, I thought finally I'm safe and then my apartment sent me an email talking about cricket season. Which if you're unfamiliar, I think we've talked about it a little bit, but it's where

the black field crickets, which are crickets that are as large as California grasshoppers. They're huge. They're fucking massive. They just mate and then produce like a million of them. Yeah. And my apartment sent me an email that essentially said, um, they will be swarming. There is nothing that we can do to stop them. It's basically like they should have just embedded the violent song from the Titanic. There's truly there is nothing that can be done. If they unionized were fucked, they figured out how to work together collectively,

Sionara. So what interesting thing, one last thing I'll say about, so Portland is amazing. The people I did talk to you there, because again, when I was there, the weather was so nice, is they're like, oh yeah, come back in February. Tell me if you still like it.

Stay here for three months and experience like six months of rain. It's like, I will happily take that because you simply have no idea what it's like to sweat constantly for six to seven months out of the year. I would say eight. And maybe, and those numbers are a climate. They're going down, yeah.

They're going down anytime soon. But what's so fascinating about Portland and why I love it so much is that it does, it has like Powell's books. It's like the house of the books, baby. Legalized weed, amazing architecture. There are like neighborhood movie theaters that are still like available,

like still showing stuff. You like walk down the street, independent coffee shop, independent bookstore, independent movie theater. Like in a neighborhood, it's very walkable. It feels very inviting. And what's interesting and the way it feels also like Texas, which was just similar because people often compared Portland to Austin. And well, Portland feels like Austin did 30 years ago,

and I'm not fucking with you at all. It absolutely goes through. I was here. I know. But what's interesting though is much like Austin, right outside of Portland are conservative psychos. Okay, that's what I was going to say. Like, it's like, Bastions of white supremacy, yeah. I mean, wild times right outside of Portland, but you go right outside the city limits. And it is like these colors don't run. Fuck, a mega forever. It's insanity. It's, it's, here's the thing. It's a little worse than Texas, simply because we're not even joking. When we say like,

white supremacists like crazy people, I mean, like they're literal like compounds of Nazis. Yeah, we got rid of our one. So. Yeah, no, now they're all all just private not just hold public office. It's it's fucking far cry five out there. Literally far cry five. Literally. It's it's I don't know. It's weird. So to me, Portland has always felt like a Los Angeles neighborhood called like Echo Park. Just like a bigger version of that.

Exactly, that's awesome. That's what it feels like. So I feel like you're right in that Portland probably was, or is very similar to what Austin was like 30 years ago, but also has just been that consistently. Consistently, yeah. Seattle, Washington in my opinion, is the closest I've ever been to another city

that's like Austin, Texas where like it's techy. It's sort of a small city that tries to pretend like it's a big city. Austin tiny. They have their own like music festival that's only a big deal because I'm gonna be honest with you until I live here. I've never fucking heard about Austin City limits and I never cared about it. And it's only a big deal when you live here in Austin. People take work off. But yeah, Austin or Seattle being like Austin is the closest thing because like you'll see tech bros, you'll see like restaurants called like this is a real one by the way breakfast bitch.

Which is my favorite. That's every ghost kitchen in on Dordash in Austin. I'm just like, okay, I have a whole universe one like a penguin or a barbistago. And you go and it's just like, I'm going to fucking kill you and the one who came to Israel. I'm over and take out Jesus Christ. Yeah, Taco, I hardly know where it's not even good.

This one just says beener. They really got a fuck, dude. That's not even clever. This one just says beener. They really got a fuck. Dude, that's not even clever at all. I have lentil soups. Oh, it is clever. No, it is clever. It's a vegan place. It's a solid place.

Yeah, yeah. I hate all of those. I'm just like, can you just name it the normal thing, please, I'm picking. Jesus. Salt and Cray. Come on. Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. Everything there is far more stable. Jesus Christ. Everything looks far disabled. Oh my God. I'm glad to be back guys. Love me and back. Oh God. Hold on. No, do it. No, do it. No, get there. Hold on. This Europlace is just a 200 page essay on the intricacies of the Israel Paladin.

What the fuck? Yeah, but they'll deliver in 15 minutes or so. For the $45, I get two cents off. Oh my God. Yeah. It's good to have you back. Thank you for joining us. Oh, man. One of the things that we have been talking a lot about because we didn't have like a traditional writers room like we like we normally do. Also, I guess we should mention something

is that we we're sort of changing our format a little bit. Again. A podcast, yeah. We're getting new hosts. Yes, yeah. We're getting three new hosts. I'm done this for 15 episodes. We decided it's time to move on. It's going to be, let's see. Who would I was going to come up with like fake new hosts

from existing RT talent? And I realize anyone we mentioned would be more favorable. In terms of what the audience is looking for. No, we're, so we're turning RTP into, back into more of a conventional podcast where we chat about stuff and I cannot be clear enough. This has nothing to do with you at your opinion. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're saying the opposite. has nothing to do with you at your opinion. Mommy and daddy still love you. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're saying the opposite.

Oh, oh, yeah, we, okay. So we're saying, we're saying fuck them. Okay, yes, okay, okay. Yeah, like, like this cool noodle shop I go to, fuck, fuck, I'm, I hate you. No, no, no, we absolutely love you. And thank you so much for supporting us and to everyone who has listened to the show.

It sounds like we're ending, but I actually have good news. What is happening is that when we started RTP, we were told to sort of produce like a new format, a new version of the show, the way that it goes. And what we developed was one that had like game shows and sketches and like all this fun stuff that we wanted to do because,

and I'll be completely honest with you here, every time we pitched a show, we were told, this would be better as a podcast segment. No lie, that literally every time. I was like, what about this? Would work great as a segment. Yeah, exactly. Andrew pitched, I, hmm, we'll talk about a few pitches,

but I wanted to tell them about Don't Touch Ground. It's cool with you. Absolutely. Andrew pitched a show that was essentially the floor is lava, but done in real locations, like a French restaurant, a laundromat, a museum. Jack's mom's house. Jack's mom's real house.

And by the way, feel free to use this idea. We will never make this. We will never make this. Well, we will make this. It's sure. We have us, but. We will not. Yeah.

And so it was like, that was one of the things where they said, like, well, we could do that as a segment of the podcast. We were like, no., how does that work? You imagine listening to people playing the floors all the It's just everyone going You have to have like well, it's Armando on to the chair and he's taking a leap on the table now Oh my god. Oh, he's almost lost it like it would just be like I might play commentary now I'm back in I'm back in I'm back in like a baseball announcer

It's a fucking showcastic now I'm back in. I'm back in. We get like a baseball announcer to fucking show casting. Now I'm back in only because it means we don't actually have to do it. We just think it. We just think it. We fucking wag the dog. We just absolutely have an audio. It's fully work.

We just produce an audio drama on the floor as lava. Hey, listen, well, because like, you know, a chimonoher had a ultimate lava chicken. Lava chicken., well, because like, you know, a chimono had a ultimate lava chicken. Lava chicken, and so it was like, you know, we took that idea, and we're like, let's expand it and do it a little bit differently, because like, there was that show,

there was that show on Netflix, that Netflix floor is lava. The floor is lava, which completely missed the fucking point of the floor is lava. They created an obstacle course and like rooms with actual lava. The whole joy, the whole treat, the whole fun of playing the ground is lava or don't touch

ground or whatever game you call it, is that you played it in your living room. You played it in your office. You played it in a real space and that made like the fun of like climbing on stuff and moving around difficult and interesting. So you're like, yes, let us do that in a restaurant, in a mall, in a show. In a show. Like, yeah, exactly. And like, how can we produce that show? Um, and now that was the fun of it. They completely missed the point with the point with that Flores lava show. So that's what we wanted to do here. And like, like, that, getting the

note back of, that would be a great podcast segment is one of the most insane things I've ever had. It felt like someone had the, you know, it's an email in Gmail and it has the like recommended replies. It felt like someone was just clicking that every time we said something in. I just like, not really.

It was like, hmm, podcast segment. I wouldn't make it the segment. Okay, I want to be very clear because this is something that I've been wanting to talk to, to talk about for a long time. Is, do you guys remember when, okay, and referencing this, we also had a lot of terrible ideas. Oh, terrible ideas.

Terrible ideas. Terrible ideas should have never been made. My favorite being, there was a video game that just came out called Payday 3. Uh-huh. And Payday 3 came to Rooster Teeth and said, we want to basically see what you have. So this is what our jobs were for a long time. Companies would come and go, we're interested in getting your audience. We would like to, we would like to basically commission. That's the word I'm looking for. Commission a video

for you that helps promote our thing. What could you come up with and then the company would pitch a bunch of great stuff Our boss drew would pitch a bunch of great stuff The sales team also would pitch some stuff too and then the three of us would turn in the most Terrible idea, okay, but that's what they told us to do It was like because the sales one is like very direct. They're like this is what we have to offer This is how we have to offer. This is how we can change it slightly to fit your needs. And then Drew, he's smart.

So he does a very manageable, good, private idea. Prismatic idea, a pragmatic big idea. Yeah, and then we go, what's the most illegal, legal thing you can do? Yeah, we, there we go. Okay, so get this. We, there we go. Okay, so get this. Yeah, and we pitched, this is something that I tweeted about.

The amount of times that I included the term ISIS recruitment video into the visual aesthetic for projects. Every pitch. Every single pitch. Every pitch. And every time I was told to stop doing that. How many times did we pitch the idea? Armando buys a gun.

Oh, every single time we did it for payday, we did it for state-throw, we did it for state farm. We did it for state farm, I forgot about that. Holy shit. Yeah, you're the chaos. Yeah. Listen, this was all in the lab at Ruse to get a gun. I got a pair of cheetahs expense.

Yes. We, yeah, we kept our Mundo buys a gun if you're in case you're wondering, is essentially just a video where I buy a gun. Yeah, because you're in Texas now. They keep going, okay, well, what's the bit? And they go, so you pay us money. And they go, uh-huh.

And then we go to a store. Uh-huh. And then I buy a gun. Then what? Oh, that's it And then you pay me my money Slut as I see in And uh, where's that? Where's like Atlanta? Oh? Denmark, yeah, an ordic country. Yeah, Switzerland

Where they're fucking from this don't't have guns. Probably call them a shooting Dorfen if they did. I mean, don't cut it. Leave it in, but whatever. My favorite idea that we ever pitched that we were told now and then explained why it wouldn't work was a pitch that we wrote for paid a three. A day three came to Rooster Teeth and said, hey, what do you got? And we said, what if we set up a heist within the Rooster Teeth office?

Because we do heist stuff all the time. We have several heist based contents. But this one would be different because we would have three different teams made up of the different content groups. And they would be armed with paintball guns going through the office, trying to rob something and take out the other guards and stay silent and also like whoever could do it the fastest one. And it would require you to be creative

with the ways that you were able to get inside and create schemes that would allow you to get past our security system, et cetera. And then we realized that we had essentially made a detailed documentary of how somebody could sneak their way into the rooster team office armed to the rooster team. And take us out one by one.

Yeah, we don't a fucking blueprint for disaster. And we... And then we doubled down on it Yeah, we know it's a fucking blueprint for disaster And then we doubled down on it because someone was like well, we can get like a location and we said no, it's gotta look real It's gotta be during the work day. It's gotta look real. So they decided to give us a podcast instead We gotta get you out we gotta keep you off these sales deals. You fucking monsters. You have some busy work. To be clear, we did get some successful sales goals, though, and also, yeah, I don't know.

I don't know why I'm specifying that I'm good. I guess for the future or whatever, but I have wrote a lot of successful campaigns to the other work that I do. But part of that is that every single time that I do, like when we pitched the state farm and I told them, okay, so my concept is to explore the idea of what the meaning behind Jake's

from state farm's powers are. Yeah, I have an idea. I think that is it's power of time travel. He was in the old commercial house because he had been there. Exactly. It could harness the fourth mansion. What if Jake from state farm is in a car and

then he gets and then somebody Jake like a good neighbor stay far from us there and then he disappears but the car keeps driving and he t-bones another car and a dad gets out of the vehicle and looks at his family and goes no and then we have like a good neighbor, State Farm is there, and they looked back at me and went, who is this? Yeah.

Who is this man even included on this meeting? So you gotta, you gotta just wide shot a bunch of ideas. So that's what we're saying. Yeah, well, you know, I think there's like, there's some like axiom within like, you know, sales writing or at least like advertising or any creative, like field when you're pitching ideas to other people. It's nice to have three ideas.

One, that's bad. One that you think is good and want to do. And one that is so crazy, it makes the good idea look doable. Yeah. You know what I mean? Also, to be fair by bad, what we mean is just like an idea that is, it's just run of the mail. It's just like, yeah, generic fastball over the place. Safe.

Safe. That's a good idea. Safe. Safe idea. Yeah. I'm not sure if I already did this for safe. No, but they were fun. And when we met somebody that liked the idea, they were great.

Like, shady rays are sponsor. Who we genuinely love as a sponsor? The kids are the kids. It's not a bit.. Like shady rays are sponsor who we genuinely love as I'm sure it's not a bit. We met shady rays at RTX. Yeah. Kai off screen has a pair of shady rays. We met the shady rays people at RTX who just couldn't stop telling us how much they love their average where we said shit like, throw him out the fucking grand can. Yeah. See if they give a shit. don't forget to call your mom because if you don't shady raise will that was my shady raises gonna fuck your mom yeah they whole ads were the point of it was the love they add yes we're shady raise a company would fuck your mom but not just that like take care of her tell her yeah Call her, yeah. Call her, like her three-day life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. ShadyRays is going to love your mother.

ShadyRays, ShadyRays is truly like second marriage for the lifetime. Like second marriage to the grave. Like that last marriage and the last forever, it's real love. You know what, kid, if you want, if you're comfortable, you can start calling me ShadyDance. How about that? So that's the history of this show, is that we are a chaotic group of idiots who keep pitching really fun, but dumb stuff. And we were putting all of our time into making RTP,

simply because that was our outlet for doing all this stuff. That's why we had these sketches, these game shows, these things that we wanted to do. But now, oh boy, we're making some new content. We're making some new shows. We're fleshing out some other stuff that we've done in the past into full shows. Are we allowed to talk about one of the projects

that we have coming up? Sure, say it and if we can't cut it out. Oh, exactly. We're making... That's if we can't cut it out. Oh exactly. We're making... It's all you're gonna do this live anymore. True, yeah. Well that and because every time we did it live I took a massive shit and had to leave. We are making a one of the shows that we are making is is it problematic?

Yeah, they used to be TikToks and now it's gonna be a thing. Yeah. And it's still gonna a thing. Yeah. And it's still gonna be just as chaotic. I mean, when we were, we were in a meeting where we were sort of like producing and workshopping what the show was going to look like. Yeah.

And it was like the same energy from the TikTok, but just more. More for longer. Yeah. And I asked for several things. I asked for a hoverboard. I asked for one of those kindergarten teacher style big notebook pads. things. I asked for a hoverboard. Mm-hmm. I asked for one of those kindergarten teachers style big notebook pads.

Yeah. I asked for a gun. They said no. Yeah. You asked for one of those kindergarten teachers style guns. Yeah. I have to be on with them. But St. Rose said yes.

But St. Rose said yes. But St. Rose said yes. So that's one of the shows that we're working on. We're working on a couple of other series. Some of our, what we refer to internally is the premiere segment, stuff like bottoms up, phone, chicken, that stuff. We'll be coming out in a different format, sort of.

But yeah, we're finally getting to make some of the crazy wild shit that we wanted to do. And so that's why these changes are happening. And I'm sure that everyone is going to be thrilled that we talked about all the stuff that didn't get sold. I'm checking the subreddit. Let me see if you can see. I met more internally that people are going to be like, why did you tell them about our Bondo bicecura? Because maybe one of these good people,

no one's ever going to buy that idea. Well, buy this idea. But I love it. And I wanna let you know that you, the listener, could always find a way to contact the Rooster Teeth Sales team and commission your own video. Yeah, no one's done it yet, and I'm surprised. Why has it an individual commissioned us to make something?

I feel like one of my friends who had a podcast like in the beginning stages, like one of their friends bought an ad on their ad space. It was just like date Tyler. Like I feel like I'm telling you. Honestly, people should do that. Buy an ad on the RT podcast. We'll promote anything.

Hey, this is this today's episode of the RT podcast is brought to you by Jeffrey. Jeffrey, he's a guy. Pretty good. That's all it says. That's wow. That was like $2,000. That's a lot of money. Jeff, Jesus Christ. It's also, it's funny that you say that because, uh, because I was in sales, I have a, uh, I used to have to do the deals that would come in through the RT business,

like people doing cold calls and stuff. So I still have access. They all go to my inbox. So when people email the RT business email no matter what it is, I get that and I get RT cares. They all come to my inbox. So I'll just be like, oh, meeting invitation, oh, follow up message, oh, I have $200.

And I want you to do an animation for me. I'm like, oh, we're a real company. No, and I delete that. But some of the stuff is insane. Like, oh my god. So when I get an incredibly insane pitch, what I like to do is I either save it in the folder or if it's incredible, I print it out and I keep it because I want to have it

physically. Of course. or if it's incredible, I print it out and I keep it because I want to have it physically worse. Or the rest of my life. Of course. And there is a movie that was pitched to me, or that was pitched to us. And it has, first of all, the most insane casting I've ever seen, it was like, we're going to bring in Michael B. Jordan, we're going to bring in George Clooney

and also a feature from Adam Sandler. And I was like, okay, well, that one was kind of at the left field. And it's like a retelling of like Sherman's Army and the Confederacy you were telling me about this yes, and it and oh god It's the I'm sorry Oswald Oswald's army. Yeah, it's the most insane email. I've ever read I hope he's watching right now Andrew you were out when I printed it, but we get back to the office. I'm gonna show it. I cannot wait It's amazing to it's amazing And it's was funny is like we can't take any unsolicited pitches No, we cannot those have to go like we can read them and then they go right into the

Not like on my desk in the father, but literally we could never make them so no There's no reason to pitch anything But you can't buy an ad but I don't know. That movie sounds like it would make an incredible podcast. Second. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah I don't know. I think more people should just buy ad space. It's all on the Root shoes on the other side. Yeah, I think you can, because that's the one thing you can do. Honestly, you could theoretically. Hypothetically.

Buy ad space and have us read the pitch for your... You could do that. Weird racist movies, starting at him, Sam. It was also racist. I left that part out, but I thought it was presumed. It's presumed. That's good. It's civil war movie. Like, I mean, come on. And it's not on the, the side of the civil war you'd think it would. And also Michael joins in it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's airtight, folks. I can't miss. Blee. But anyway, yeah. So that's what I wanted to do, was explain some of the changes that were coming to you. But Andrew has been away for a little bit. We didn't have, the point of this all was that we didn't have a traditional writer's room. Like we normally do. But there was one topic that we touched on that everybody really was stoked about,

which is the emergency test that went out to everyone's phone around the same time. Did just like a show of hands or any sort of noise. Did you all got, everyone got it? Was your 5G chip activated from your vaccine? It was at all everyone got it. My radio just insane. Yeah, coming from the control booth to

and fatically saying yes. Yeah. Yeah. Coming from the control booth. Yeah. And fatically, so. It sounds up. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I, uh, what day was that? Um, I believe it was like Wednesday or Thursday? It was really random day. Yeah, it was like a Wednesday and they did it like three minutes early.

Like they said it's like, it's coming out. It's like, we're going to do it at like 2 p.m. And it was like 157 or something. Yeah. Uh, everyone in the United States at minimum got an emergency modification broadcast test that it still works. Yeah, it's the same thing as like they used to do on TV where it would be like, yeah, this is a test from the national emergency broadcast. If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been fucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Baaaam. And it goes back to Oprah. My, the worst part about this, by the way, just to put my conspiracy hat on for one second, which is the same hat, but slightly tilted. Oh. To put my conspiracy hat on for a little,

for a brief moment, when, so I didn't know that they were gonna do that. I didn't know they were gonna broadcast. I was in a pitch meeting where everyone's phone went off at the same time. That's scary. And it was terrifying, especially because, again, when you look at your phone, it went off

at just some random time. Yeah. Anyway, scared the shit out of everybody, I saw that. And then I read about what it was. It was just like an emergency test they were doing so that they could easily share information to everybody at the same time and seeing if they can do it.

It's honestly an impressive thing for technology to be able to do. And then the rest of the news happened. And everything going on in the world continued to get worse because things are, I want to say this right now, just to comfort people, things are really bad right now, but they will only get worse. Oh, exponentially.

And so now I'm realizing like, why would they need an emergency test system that they could send everything, oh, for when the bombs are coming. So when the bombs are coming and it's time to tell us that you're going to die and to call your mother. Yeah, get under a table whatever you can. You're under a table. Get under that lead table you have. Or in my case, step outside. Yeah, I'm stepping outside.

I'm stepping outside. There's no way. If I see a fucking first of all, if I see a nuke coming from me. On ICBM, yeah. I am, I am immediately, let's look at the positive because I want to say like I love living. I love living, I love being alive and I am working on myself actively. But if the bombs are coming, no more debt, no more cleaning.

Honestly, an earthquake, we jumped about this in California, but earthquakes are the best because if it's going to kill you and destroy your home, then no one knows that your home wasn't that messy. Yeah, no one knows you live like a monster, yeah. No one knows you have a grandmother. Every unit is perfectly intact, except this one. It's really interesting. Yeah, it's crazy.

It looks like the earthquake blew in all of this fast-food garbage and twisted tea cans, weird, anyway. So yeah, there's good things, but also like, I don't wanna live, I've seen so many post-apocalyptic stuff that is supposed to be adventurous and fun and has like benefits to it,

but the reality is just cancer. No, the reality is fucking, Korma McCarthy is the road. That's what it's gonna look like. It's cannibalism. It's like scorched earth. Yeah, it's, I'm like 20 minutes away from eating a person now.

You keep putting a bib on and looking at me across the office with a fork and knife, just going, mmm, Licky, just put a little bit of salt on. I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm watching you, yeah. My dandruff's really bad at insulting me. Yeah. So yeah, I don't want to live through any of that shit. The moment I see the bombs coming, I'm running outside. I'm not getting into cover. I'm not doing any of that shit.

I don't want to live in a world where it's like, when I was, I feel like I've talked about this before. When I was a kid, I used to have these dreams that the zombie apocalypse happened. But they weren't ever like, it wasn't like fighting zombies. It wasn't like a scary like, ah, they're right there, Dream. It was just like aimlessly wandering a wasteland of America trying to find a place to live

that might have resources. Name a. And as a child, I couldn't piece this together, but I realized that it's this weird thing of like, society's gone What am I even living for anymore? I think you're just really affected by 9-11 and the end the war. This is gonna sound like I'm doing a bit, but one of the things that was Constant in those dreams was walking through a neighborhood where there was a plane that was just crashed on the ground

That's a loss every part of it. was just crashed on the ground. And every part of it, I would walk through the plane. Yeah. Just so weird. Just so weird. Anyway. Anyway. The emergency test went off quite possibly the best part of the story is that it outed a

bunch of people who had hidden phones, including prisoners. Oh, no. Teenagers who didn't want their parents to know that they had a phone. Aspiring drug dealers. Aspiring drug dealers. Yes, yes, yes. But maybe the most funny is a huge contingency

of the honest community. That's funny. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-busted. That's the secret phones, this whole funny. That's so funny. It's, Jellys, I have a quick question for you. What's up? What's up? Yeah. So we were all out raising the barn yesterday. You remember that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So Sister Mary said, while the men folk were out here raising the barn there was a uh... disturbing noise coming from uh... your bedroom like what what was that what do you mean i think that was gay bros trumpet i think he's calling us home the times yeah oh when she tells we've fucked the bar and we should uh...

okay here okay first of all uh... with secret phones what the fuck are they doing on this phone are they charging them are you how are they charging them big question I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, I'm in a small, sucks. We will like 87 times in the room. Right. One of those like like fucking like whole body bathing suits. That's their board. From like a turn of the century. Yeah, it's a bathing suit that looks like a Victorian dress. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So first of all, I do know that some of the communities that we would refer to as like just as a blanket statement of Amish because there's other people too. Yeah. Yeah they they say no electricity but this battery power to find fuck off. Yeah, exactly

Which is yeah, that's some real like Mormon soaking Okay, I guess if God is a fucking Just to come up with work around that's insane. Yeah exactly a normal person. Yeah, I got up there Oh, they got me on a technical. My omnipresence and omniscience has been foiled again. Yeah, God's in predicting lithium. This might be one of the grossest possible things I could talk about. Sure, actually, probably not.

I feel like I've talked to a bad grocer, but I dated a girl in high school who once told me that she only did Amel because otherwise she wasn't staying pure in the eyes of God. And my first thought was like, I think this is less pure, honestly. Like I think if you think God is going to judge you for having sex, you're going to go to heaven, he's going to be like, you didn't wear. Oh, interesting. Where the poop goes. If only a, I don't know, city had been smited by the Lord by the name of

Sodom I wonder Interesting Sodom Sodomy not connecting the dots. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, I'll Sodom you maybe let's go Actually, that's actually a story about hospitality. Oh, truly. Yeah, you guys know about that, right? No. Oh, OK, so Sodom and Gomorrah is actually a story about hospitality because what happened was two angels came down to visit the city, which was. What kind of came?

Which is a city of hedonism and stuff like that. But what their real sin was was the lack of hospitality, because they were very, very mean to outsiders. So what happened was two angels went down, and they were like, hey, guys, show some hospitality. We're kind of going down. Oh, yeah. And all of the people were like, we're going to kill you

and also do something else to you. That's bad and illegal. Ah, yeah... yeah yeah yeah so uh... so then this one guy who lived like a little bit outside the city who is like he's like the faithful man he was like whoa whoa everyone calm down you guys can come stay with me and angry mob you can just have sex with my daughters instead

huh that's the story of something more uh... i like that that's a story that's a tell of that. That's the story of that house of battalion letting people in the back door. Yeah, and then the angels were like, you're good, we're gonna burn this city and I guess you're the only one who gets to survive. Tight, Old Testament's fun.

It's cool how often God be doing that. How often God be killing everyone except for one dude when did something extremely weird. Yeah. The polar assault, you're what? All of the Old Testament is God like this. Oh, fuck. Okay.

Actually, no, I think the Old Testament is God blowing rails and going, okay, okay, okay. Hear me out, hear me out, hear me out, hear me out. Hear me out, hear me out. Okay, so listen to what I did today. This fucking guy, so like every. Fucking God is elless from die heart. Just like, oh, Holy Spirit, booby, I'm your white light.

Yeah, so this guy, right? I've been sending him dreams, telling them to go up on the mountain, sacrifice a goat. I do it every night, but on the 40th night, telling them to bring a sun, bring him up to the mountain, sacrifice him. This guy fucking does it. And I have to go down, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn't think you were gonna do it.

Dude, I was totally fucking joking. And then I fucking hit that burning bush, Bob. It's like, aww. Old Testament God's fucked up. It's really fucking awful. I think it's because he's zoo-spaced. Yeah, I'm doing it.

Man, so much trickery. Yeah So much I'm gonna test and trickery. Maybe he is the Loki who's to say I don't know I think God was just trying to do like Why is I think he was trying to be part of jackass? Yeah, why has God a girlfriend who's always testing you? I was just testing you to see if you can be faithful. I was testing the season to be faithful like you toxic This is. Hi, I'm God and this is Jackass and this is lots of wife. Let me tell her a salt.

Hey, if you really loved me, you would go into the desert and not eat for 40 days and 40 nights or resist temptation. That's all I'm saying. Bam, bam, bam. What's up guys? I told my dad that he's got to go get two kinds of every animal. Let's go

People don't want a big ass boat. This is crazy. So I mean that the new testament's like Viva LeBans That's what I was gonna say, but I don't know that this is anything But I would love to see a show called Viva LeCrice and it's just it's just What's up guys today? Okay, so like today. I was on the roof playing with my friends We weren't supposed to do it it Jacob fell off and he fucking died So we're gonna go do a resurrection which is the thing that happens. Wow. Yeah, baby Jesus kid Jesus They're like playing on a roof and like a kid falls and dies and he's no one's getting trouble. So you just a resurrection That's awesome. Yeah

So first of all, I do know that these communities that we talked about They are sometimes permitted to use technology for the sake of business, which is like helping the entire community. Capitalism? Yeah, exactly. Capitalism oversteps any authority from God. Always.

And so we know that some of them are allowed to have technology, which means that's probably how they're able to like charge these phones and keep them charged. As far as like what they're looking up, I feel like the experience of having a telephone or any device that can connect to the internet is pretty much the same at least for all dudes. I don't know about anybody else, but what happens first is you start looking up like things that you're into, games,

facts that you've always wanted to know, just like random shit that you're like, oh, my mom did lie to me, Santa Claus isn't real. Except I found this other side on 4chan that says he is and it's Donald Trump. It does, it's called A-Kun now. You can do that for maybe an hour before you figure out how to watch pornography. I want to be a fly on, I want to witness the Amish person, like, hold hands shaking, bring up the phone, and type in to Google search boobs.

But then realize, back to back to back to back face, big boobs. That's a good world, is that my finger? Everything is available to me. The problem is that, like, that's how we think is children, right? Because, like, one of the first things I remember actually Googling is girls kissing.

That's what I look at. That's insane. And I watch you do. I've never been to a couple of those. And I watch you do. I've never been to a couple of those. I've never been to a couple of those. I've never been to a couple of those.

I've never been to a couple of those. Well, that's because you're straight as hell. Yeah, I Googled girls kissing and watched a YouTube video of girls kissing and I went. That's pretty hot. Yeah. Is that what you think? That's why you only date women who date women? Listen. Let's pretty hot. Is that what you think? That's why you only date women who date women?

Listen, let's not apologize. That's it. Yeah. I don't, you know, Griff keeps on telling me that I have a type and it's lesbian. It is. And in the immortal words of Drake,

hey, you say you a lesbian girl, me too. I'll kill you. All right. I don't think that I'm into women. Who are into women? Who are into women. I think that I'm into women. Who are into women. Who are into women. I think that I'm just into women from Portland, Oregon. To bring it full circle.

Yeah, so the first thing I ever Googled was women kissing and it stayed with me. I feel like what's even funnier to me is that the Amish with their vocabulary are typing things in like breasts. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say.

That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say.

That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say.

That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I don't know. I keep saying that and then it's the most milk to shit ever. You guys ever realize that porn is completely ruined you and I don't mean it in an like an androate way where it's but it's like I used to be able to look at a YouTube video of girls kissing it basically cream my little pants. And now I watch that and feel nothing. Now I watch that and I go this fucking HBO show sucks. I mean, every show on HBO is really great. We love all one. No, just show time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All these show time, show time suck.

We don't need to get it clear, and that was it. That was it. Yeah, and so I am genuinely so jealous of the homage who for the for the first time are gonna see things that I would, like I wish, you know how they say having a child is getting to experience the world through their eyes again. I wish I could do that and see an Amish person watch Bukaku for the first time. I wish I could witness an Amish man find out

that there is such a thing as big farting Latina's porn. Okay. I mean, yeah, like, to, again, you know how they just say, it's like, once there's that tweet while back, it's like one sour patch kid would kill a fucking pill girl in jail. Yeah, just kill them. Like, I feel like, I feel like if you showed an Amish person,

some of the like depths of depravity in Port-O-R-B. I mean, just the homepage. Just like the homepage, like, there would be some like, smoldering boots. They would do it emolate, and there would just be smoldering boots standing on the ground where they once stood. What are you doing?

I'm going as far. Turn your Wi-Fi off. Turn your Wi-Fi off. That's so really smart, I do. Use data, turn your Wi-Fi off. Yeah, turn your Wi-Fi off, hit that BP and baby. Turning Wi-Fi off.

What's like the most popular porn side that you would say? The hub, right? The hub for sure. I guess that's the most recognizable one that's the least stigmatized. PornHub.com, going there now. Okay. First video, adult time, step sis, accidentally fucks her step

bro after putting on the wrong shirt. What? That would be the first thing that an honest person saw if they went to Port-Hopper. And they would have been like, hmm, most interesting English. Tell me more of this concept of t-shirt and step-breather. Yeah, there's a remarriage in the English. I also love the idea of them, because you're right.

It is so outside of the norm that we assume it would kill an Amish man. I also love that we're fully committing to it being a man. I want to say, if this offends you as an Amish person, how? Are you seeing how you watching? You know, get them. We knew that you should be watching this. I love the idea that eventually there's going to be an Amish man who goes into the bedroom with his wife and goes. He can we try this thing I heard about and she goes where? Huh, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Jebidaya?

Oh, I was, I took the buggy into town to sell our wares and some of the local youths. Yeah, they told me of this thing called big booty latina. It's such a thing that we can try. And we try. I don't know. Jebidaya, I don't know. Jimadaya, I don't think you understand all of the words that you say. Like that the woman speaks normal?

The woman speaks normal? Yeah. It's like how all the women names in the Bible are normal. Just like Rebecca, that's a woman in the Bible. Yes. And then you have like Moses. Hezekiah. Yeah. Anyway. All I want is to all I want in this world is to be a fly

on the wall of the marriage that is broken up by a man trying to explain how no, no, no, no, no, I actually heard about this thing called deep throat from my friend Mordeky while we were raising bar. No Mordeky has catch his chase. God damn it. Mordeky. God damn. I have to explain that to his wife. And also, I mean, you know, you also mentioned the breathing, along with the homage people, people in jail who had hidden phones. Oh yeah. All their asses were going to fly. That's the biggest funny. My wife said to vibrate in a cane. I was said to vibrate in a cane. I'm begging for more. I'm begging for more.

Because the government has you another emergency. I told a lot of I'm going to. This is the only time that they're not angry about amber alerts. Oh my God. That's what got me sitting in here, and it's what got me off here. Jesus Christ, if you were an amish with unfettered access to the internet for the first time ever,

I wanna know what you would Google. And so let us know down below in the comments. Please let us know. Please I'm begging you. It's the only thing that I care about and you more. And I cannot wait to hear what you would do. So please do that. And then it's time to help you out a little bit more

because we're going to go and hear a question that we got from an audience person and try to give advice on it. And I know this sounds weird. We've done RT cares a million times before. This is perhaps one of the strangest. It's weird questions that we've ever got. It's a weird one.

So, hey, so we don't have to use all the weird ones. You should write the RT cares and Ruchitith.com. You should do that as well. RT cares and Ruchitith.com. RT cares and Ruchitith.com. RT cares and Ruchitith.com. RT cares and Ruchitith.com. RT cares and Ruchitith.com. RT cares and Ruchitith.com. RT cares at Rooster Teeth.com. RT cares at RoosterTeeth.com. You know, no less.

Why don't we head into RT cares? Let's go. Baby. This episode of the RT podcast is sponsored by Better Help. Have you ever felt like you knew what was good for you, but your brain keeps getting in the way. Well, maybe you know it would be good to get some rest, but your brain just won't shut off,

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Grab the NordVPN deal by going to NordVPN.com slash rooster teeth. And that will get you an extra subscription time. So you can try it risk-free with a 30-day money back guarantee. Thanks to NordVPN for sponsoring our show. Oh, welcome to RT Care. It's the segment where we take your questions and turn into exceptionally dumb answers. Today we have a weird one as we kind of teased. I don't want to hype it up too much because we already did, so let's just get into it.

I recently got out of a four-year relationship that while terrible did give me my amazing to-your-old daughter. Unfortunately, this means I still have to talk to my baby mama sometimes. Her life has been going downhill fast, so my question is, how can I brag about how good my life has been going compared to her without seeing me like an asshole. This is how can I posterize my fucking ex? How can I dunk on this bitch? This is the opposite of an am I the asshole? It's like I'm the asshole but I don't want to seem like it. How do? This is oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, And normally we still have to editorialize them and like change them so that they become a little bit, you know, like-

Yeah, more generic, bro. It's okay. The full email that I got was, or that I saw in the RT cares thing was like going through the various things that are happening to the baby moments. Like the bad things that she's been going through over the past, like how long they've been broken up.

It's like her fucking business is failing. I got promoted. Like it's just... I love that. Her email was a diss track. Yeah, it was just like... Her new man, whack, can't dress, can't fuck. I didn't try to get it.

No sauce. No sauce. Yeah. Me, I'm cleaning up. I'm knee-. Yeah. Yeah. Me, I'm cleanin' up. Oh. I'm need deep and strange. For, you've got two new kids, ugly. It's like, oh, whoa, whoa. My daughter, beautiful.

Babies are catching trays in love with you now. Anyway. How can I brag about how well my life is going compared to hers and not look like an asshole? Yeah. Ooh. I think you just used that meme of the guy throwing the peace sign over the grave.

I just put like whatever you're bragging about over it. Yeah, you just do that and post it on your stories. Yeah. Have you guys ever had a situation where you ran into an X that the breakup was sort of like, I don't wanna say like contentious or bad or anything because like I've definitely had bad breakups, but there's somewhere it's just like,

oh, we met at a weird bad time in life and now we've both grown and we're different people and we have a conversation and you're just like, trying to sound like your life has it gone downhill since then, like, have you guys been in that situation? Well, no, because I'm only on that pill. Oh, yeah, they were the anchor holding me down. Oh, I know you're excellent.

Yeah, and then, yeah, and then there's like another one who like, I've only ever had like two X's who I was like, I am never speaking to this person again. One of them I spoke to again, but it kind of felt like the song Closure by Taylor Swift. And then the other one, I would rather die than being in a room with them again. Oh, right.

Jump in front of a train. Oh. What's so fast, sorry, just to get back to this question very briefly, what is so funny about this question? It is that this is coming from the soarist winner. You know, it's like, bro, you want. You want.

You got a beautiful daughter, your life fucking rocks, your ex whom you don't like is fucking circling the drain. We're so without you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. How do I do a victory lap? Yeah. How do I fucking, yeah, do a victory lap?

How do I, yeah, exactly. The drinks in this. This feels like a drink song. How do I fucking yeah do a victory lap? How do I yeah exactly? The Drake's in this This feels like a Drake song How do I fucking put the shit in fifth gear sing smooth operator and then don't it's around this bitch come on God it's so that's so funny. Just like listen. How do I be petty but not seem like I am yeah I know I want to flex, but I don't want people to call me out on it. I, okay, I feel like this is like the ultimate humble brag. Truly.

Like, you got to, you got to, it's a needle that has to be threaded so, so carefully. I say, maybe, okay, hear me out, this is my song really. I'm gonna propose something. All of your bragging issues behavior goes only on your close friends, on Instagram. And then you let word of mouth take care of it. Now everyone in your circles is talking about it. Everyone knows that you have the beautiful child

and the stable job and not the ugly, can't dress boyfriend. And then you, but you also add her to your close friends. Cause she's gonna wanna know what you're up to. She hasn't unfollowed you, put her on your close friends. And then you say, my bad, it was from the before. I forgot that you were even on there. I'll take you off. I'll take you off. Dang. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. You had to see it. Oh, oh, oh. No. Okay.

I actually really like this idea. So you, yeah, you post on the close stories and you include her in it and you leave it up. And here's the thing. You're going to have to check every 10 minutes to make sure that like to see when she's seen it. And then the moment you see that she sees it, boom, take her off of close friends. Cold. Yeah. Just, ooh, damn, cold.

Okay. I see that, and I raise you one. Mm-hmm. You leave her on there, and then you remove the post. Gaslight, you're not thinking thinking she never even saw it. My God. This is fucking Machiavellian psychological war. Okay, okay, I like that.

I like that. Let me add on top of that. Okay, okay, okay. Let me hear it. You, you just live a good life. Uh-huh. Don't talk about it in a way to weaponize them against another person. Although, I don't know, I talk my shit, but I remember that a while ago,

I guess a couple of years ago now, I met somebody through a mutual friend. They were having a birthday party. I went there, I met this girl, we really hit it off. We were joking the whole night. I went there, I met this girl, we really hit it off, we were like joking the whole night, it was really great. I had also just gotten out of a breakup at that time, so it was like good to, you know, like date somebody or whatever.

We started dating. And then I realized like, I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship right now because there's this person is asking a lot of things for me that are making me uncomfortable that you should be able to ask a partner for. Yeah, what are you doing tomorrow? Yeah, like oh, I want to hang out of the time. It's like oh damn because I really didn't want to do anything and like I don't know. I was kind of going to do nothing alone for like, do these. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. How like and she was, again, these are like reasonable things to ask of a partner of like,

hey, I would love to hear from you at the like beginning and end of the day at minimal. And I was like, what are you, my fucking prison god? No, that's insane. So that's when I realized like, oh, Armando's not ready to be in a relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we broke up and then here's where our mod is a piece of shit.

Okay. Like half a year later, six months later, after doing like a bunch of therapy, thinking on myself, thinking about what I want, I met somebody and then we started dating and it became very easy for me to do those. Yes, I see. Yeah, both therapy, but finding the right person

and also like being okay with yourself. And also it shouldn't start dating right after that relationship. Of course. That same friend who had a party by this point was having another party because they had gotten engaged. Oh, fun. And so I text him and go, Hey, man, is my ex going to go to this engagement party? Seeing as how the last time that you had a party, that's where I met her. And he was like, oh, yeah, absolutely.

And I was like, okay, cool. And so I texted with her and tried to court mate like almost like this like splitting like a child cost a party time. I'm leaving them on the porch. You need to be here at 10. Yeah. I said we did custody battle with the party where I was like, well, I can show up around

12 midnight and stay until 3 a.m. if you want to come to the early whatever blah, blah, blah. We literally figured out a schedule and it was just because I didn't want to make things weird or upset because again, when it ended, all I said was like, I'm not ready for a relationship and then I pretty much got into a relationship. And I knew that it made her a little upset and so I didn't want to start drama, I didn't want anything to be weird.

I go to the party and I walk in the door and the first thing that I see is her standing next to a six foot three Latino man. Hold on a second. You said something very interesting there. Are you not a six foot four Latino man? I'm a six foot five Latino man. You're not a six foot five.

Oh, so you just, still over him then. Yeah. So I stood, I was a little bit taller, but also there's nothing better than like I saw my ex and then looked to the side and saw myself. And then he, because we tower over everybody. We looked at each other, made eye contact. I'm not even joking, we both went. Oh.

Oh. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And in that case, when that happened, when she broke the treaty of the party time, brought the new boyfriend that looks exactly like me, and immediately started going into how good her life is. I was like, crack. So my life's going, fucking awesome.

And the way that I made my life feel awesome was I just talked about all of the time that I had previously just spent in in yoat. Oh yeah, he's wearing Europe for all of the comedy. In my experience, the best way to do this is to do something like go on a European tour to go do comedy and then come back and say phrases like, oh, Bally is just wonderful this time of year. It's just, it's absolutely fantastic. Yeah.

What are you talking about that kind of guy? Yeah, I'm looking good. No, no, no, when I was in Bally, I was doing like, I got to do so many things. Like I live just like a local Bally soon. You know, I was going to the cafes. And also I was in bedbugs. How was Ibiza?

Oh, I love Ibiza. Ibiza with ThoGad, I did the running, so with the ball. I just sound like, fucking Mike Tyson. Mike, hi, yeah, truly. I fucking love Ibiza. Which is that Mike Tyson or J. Leno? I don't know. What's here about this?

Here about this Ibiza? Yeah. This is Bill Brown. This is Bill Brown. I'm gonna go to Ibiza till you love me. Just start a reference. What's in, so sorry. Do you have more to the story? I'm gonna go to Ibiza till you love me. Um, just start a reference. Uh, what's in, so sorry. Or do you have more to the story? I'm so sorry. No, my end of the story is that like,

I don't think you should ever do this. But I also know that eventually the time will come up where the rules are cast aside and you go, no, actually real quick, I gotta show you what I'm gonna do. You're gonna want to call an audible. And do it on the do it live. I think the best way to do it is to brag about going to Europe. And then also to pronounce things accurately.

And also again, to just be the, look man, I don't know if you know who I am, other dude, out there. I'm hoping you don't because you introduced yourself to me and we had a short brief conversation where it seemed like you're not into the stuff that I do. But also, I, you ever see somebody and go, like, that's a dollar store version of me and then you know that you are the plus step version

of somebody else? Sure. Well, that's me. I'm the dollar store version. Like, I'm the dollar store version of me and then you know that you are the plus step version of somebody else. Sure. Well, that's me. I'm the dollar show version. I'm the dollar show version of like I would debris like I feel like I feel like if I was like doing well in life like that that would be me. Oh, okay. Very fun. All I'm saying is be better than the other person and then yeah, and then let your look honestly just look at me. Even if I can go back in time. Yeah, let your life speak for you. Yeah, you don't have to brag.

Let your haters be your waiters, the table of success. That's our, as our America's mayor, Eric Adams, I would say. Well, that's real. That's, here's the thing that's so interesting about this, is because like, here's the dynamic that's playing out right now. And this is my quick advice, is that like, you won,

but you're acting like you lost. The need to like be petty and like brag about your stuff, that means she wins because- Exactly. She has. She has. You're still thinking about it. You still give a fucking shit what she thinks, which you shouldn't, you shouldn't move on with your life,

because again, you won. You got the better deal your life's going great. You, the bank, do not devote any more mental energy to worrying about what this other person thinks, what other people, but think that she thinks about you, about the whole relationship, whatever, enjoy your life with your daughter, like soak up the absolute good times

and like the good fortune that you've had, and do not give one more second to worrying about what anyone cares about. That is my advice, because that is how you fucking win, because it will occupy, yeah. give one more second to worrying about what anyone cares about. That is my advice because that is how you fucking win because it will occupy, yeah, if you let it, like that concern you, she's won. Yeah, and it's not that it's a battle, but, you know.

Nah, nah you're wrong. Nah you're wrong. Sometimes you just gotta fucking show up. You gotta show up, show off. You gotta get a fucking stunt on them. $70,000 Cuban link necklace that you find out you can't return later. I don't know, I think my life would be better

if I lived it like a Drake song. That's all I'm saying. I think it's a better, I don't know. I'm back on this guy's side. Absolutely. Jesus Christ. I think it's the Mando Special. Can I come here around? Completely out 180. 180, Christ. I think it's the Mondo Special. Come here around.

Completely out 180. 180, some more special. Yeah, I think you guys are wrong. No, no, absolutely. The clear advice is to just let it go. Live your life. Do it that way. That's your video to your paper.

Beyonce said that. Exactly. And I know that we've all circled the same exact thing. But I also want to stress how much happier you are when you stop giving a shit about how your life looks to anybody else. 100%. Monday, what is Buddhism teaches us? Buddhism teaches us that to want is to have pain and that pain comes from

wanting. So if you don't give a shit, everything will be fine. So do you want us to do this to your question? Well, this to it. Yeah, we want us to do this to your question? Well, to this to it? Yeah, we're gonna do this to your question. I don't even think they were answering the question. The question was, how do I tell my ex that I'm living so much better? Liz.

And our answer was a convoluted, siaf gaslighting scheme. It's not gaslighting. It is gaslighting. You literally use the term gaslighting. Well It's not gaslighting. It is gaslighting. You literally use the term gaslighting. Well, I didn't use that term. Okay. Anyway.

Or to, my advice was honestly just bragging about being better than the other guy. So I guess get a podcast and have more people that listen to you and that can't get the other side of the story. So from your perspective, all you know is that I'm amazed. That's right. Or like Andrews bullshit ass answer,

just be a good person and live your life in a good healthy way. We'll do that. I'm boo, idiot. But if you want us to do this to your question, email us at RTcares at roosterteeth.com. And... One of our producers is sign spinning.

Like he's outside a jiffy loop right now. God damn it. Like there's a real estate sale on houses down the street. Crazy cool. God damn. But now it is time for my favorite part of every week. Let's go to always on. Hello everybody and welcome to always on. I don't know if you've been paying attention,

but the news is terrible. And so we decided to make it a little more fun by turning some headlines into punchlines. Today we are doing our world famous slogan that I just found out you can give yourself and no one can refute it. Right. Our world famous circle joke where we have Griff Milton sitting in the middle as me and Andrew joke off around her. And then you pick the the best joke that you heard that day. Cool. Last week I had to joke off and I didn't like it.

No, it's hard. It's really hard to joke off in front of people. I didn't like it at all. The pressure hard. It's really hard to joke off in front of people. I don't know if they're all like, the pressure of watching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so, uh, Andrew, I think I'm going to start us off this week. Can I go with you? All right. A 77 year old Florida man was arrested after being caught smuggling $1,800 worth of

dick pills. And with all of the goofy crime stories coming out of Florida, it's just nice to hear about a good old hearted criminal. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, yes. Folks. Folks. Another story coming out of Florida, a couple in Florida discovered a dead bat in a bag of partially eaten salad.

They already ate some. Authorities are testing the creature for rabies. Another disease that they have. in Florida discovered a dead bat in a bag of partially eating salad. Oh, they already ate some. Authorities are testing the creature for rabies and other diseases, but I think we're missing the bigger story here. Someone in Florida was eating salad. I can't say.

My God, and it didn't even have like Mountain Dew as a dressing or anything. This is how I know I'm gonna end up in Florida because when you said they were eating a salad, you, I was like, yeah, salad is gross. Yeah, that is. But you know, it's because they ate some of it. They ate some of it and then discovered a dead man.

They're like, God, yeah, God. What do you do? Just like, the moment you freeze, we ate some bad salad. I feel like I've thrown away so many bags of salad that I've never even opened that. There could be one bat in every 30 bags of salad I buy and I would never see it.

No, of course I'll never see it. Yeah, I just love the idea of that company being like, uh, damage control, what are we doing now? Um, happy Halloween. You know, that's our hot special Halloween bat salad. Yeah, that's why we put those fingers in the other bag. Yeah. Ooh, it's spooky.

Governor Gavin Newsom vetoed a bill that would put free condoms in every California high school. The politicians cited both the extreme cost of the project and the fact that quote, these kids should be hitting it wrong. Oh. She's as crazy. That might be one of the worst things I've ever set up.

You're so. It's up there. But seeing the California Sex Education program, I feel like that's part of it. Is it bad? Well, my parents had me when they were 15. So yeah, I think it's pretty bad. I think that we should be putting condoms everywhere.

Then some Georgian numbers. That's crazy. They tell the city that she dies. So that's wild. Well, not true apparently. Thanks, mom and dad. No. All right.

Folks, a Missouri teacher has been placed on leave after it was discovered she had an only fans page. How embarrassing. I can't imagine anything as humiliating, degrading as teaching in Missouri. Oh, you know what? Speaking of which, a Missouri teacher was fired after school officials discovered her only fans, her students appear to be outraged claiming, oh, so it's okay when she gets a D. The teacher's only fans account was filled with titles like Teacher gets absolutely fucked,

which was actually just a video of her paying for crayons. I'm fucking. And revealing the fact that she makes $40,000 a year, which is true by the way. Teacher, her teacher salary is $40,000 a year and she makes $10,000 a month from only sales. Yeah, like, Runker.

Somebody else put this in a conversation in one of the threads that I found this story in about how this teacher salary is $40,000. The teacher salary that was listed in Ferris Bueller's day off was 30K. Yeah. And that was a big aid. That was 45 years ago.

Yeah. That was Jesus Christ. Confolutions are all good. Also real quick, I don't want to turn this into a discussion, but real quick, you find out your teacher is only fans. You subscribing? No. What?

No. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's where you're going to ask for you. And I definitely see you and I are building. Yeah. Yeah, baby. Yeah. Stop this, stop this.

No, that's like, I'm so funny. I wrote it very like several punch lines for me to that joke. And the one I was getting fucked by the school board. No, that's like, I'm so funny. I wrote it very, like several punchlines for me that I joke and the one I was getting fucked by the school board players. Yeah, I mean, the math just makes sense. Math is math. To go to only fans. All right, soccer, blue.

Paris has been overrun with bed bugs as the creatures have infested motels, hotels, movie theaters, and the metro. There are several species of the blood suck hotels, movie theaters, and the Metro. There are several species of the blood suckers, but you can identify the French bedbugs because they'll collaborate with Nazis. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Paris bed bugs back in the news after it was discovered that they had an only face. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, it's kidding, it's fine. All right, so you've heard our three jokes.

Griff, which of these was your favorite? Jesus grace. Okay, I did, that was, that was quite the, I wasn't expecting you guys to have the same story. I don't know why, but I should have was that was quite the I wasn't expecting you guys to have the same story I don't know why I but I should have known that you guys would both watch them to the only fan's teacher Thank you. So I will be picking the best only fans teacher joke and I'm gonna say that the funniest joke was The American education system it's so bad. We have to pay teachers more. Please. I'm Would you take 40,000000 to be in a room

with a bunch of children for eight hours a day? No, we gotta pay them a lot more. But also Andrew. Oh, hey. I'm back, baby. Yeah. I thought we were gonna give it to the American school system. For being a fucking joke.

Yeah. So there you go. You're tied in in first place with our education system. Not Texas because we're 47th. There we go baby. We're 47th. We're 47th. We're 47th. We're 47th. And we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. I hope they love this one right. I hope they leave it in. Did you know that you can't simply walk into mortar? I'm Chris Demarish from Black Box Down and Tales from the Sticky Dragon.

And 10 years ago, me and a friend hiked across New Zealand from the Hobbiton movie set to the real-world Mount Doom. Now, we're going back to recreate Bilbo Baggins' journey from the Hobbit. In the ultimate, loader the rings adventure. We're attempting to walk 160 miles across New Zealand from the Setahobotin to the real world Lonely Mountain.

Along the way, we must barrel right across rivers, solve riddles in the dark, and attempt to climb 10,000 feet to the top of an active volcano in only 10 days. This brand new docu-series is called IRL Adventures, a simple walk-to, and it's available for free at roosteeat.com or on the roosteeat app. So, if you're a Lord of the Rings fan or just enjoy survival shows like Alone and Naked and Afraid, you will love this. And guess what, there's also a podcast. Each day of our adventure, we strapped a GoPro tour producer and recorded a live, unedited podcast while hiking across Middle-earth. Both of these amazing shows are available right now, so please go check them out at RooshTeeP.com

or download the RooshTeeP app and search for IRL Adventures, a simple walk-to. That's IRL Adventures, a simple walk-to at RooshTeeP.com. Thank you.