Rooster Teeth Podcast - Death by Chickens - #771

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

Armando is back from his involuntary vacation. Griff and Caroline from Best Friends Today question him about his near death experience by 1000 clucks. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the only show that can be taken out by a piece of chicken. It's the RT podcast. I am your host, Armandatoris, and joining me, as always, is my co-pilot. I'm glad that Mondo's back. Okay. Griff Milton, free funny. And joining us today is a very special guest, Carolyn Grossman. Oh, thank you.

That's interesting. So fun. today is a very special guest, Carolyn Grossman. Oh, thank you. That's interesting. It's so fun. Didn't clap or cheer for anybody else, I see. Can you explain the chicken? Yeah, I got Salmonella. Did you?

I got Salmonella poisoning, which is an extremely rare form of poisoning, and it's not at all. I did not realize that it could absolutely decimate your body, just like kill you. I thought you were dying. I apparently was dying. People have died from salmonella. I'd had to drive him to the ER, and he was like slurry his words,

which is like normal usually, but not like this. Yeah. And then I was driving to the ER and we drove past HB and you're like, why are we eating groceries? And I was like, oh, him brain boiling. I don't remember that. Yeah, I had a fever of 105 and my brain, that's when you like start to go through brain damage. Yeah, you kept passing out. Yeah. That's so scary. I passed out in the ER and they tried to charge me $2,500 to give me Tylenol and an IV and a puke bag and a puke bag. But the reason that they couldn't do it is I later found out, uh, because the handwriting on my intake form was so bad that none of it was legible. It was all it was very literally just a bunch of

scribbles. I just think it's fucked up that they then just sent you home. Yeah. And I walked home. He walked home because I was like, I'll come take you home. I'll drive down. He was like, I'm on a walk. That's not what happened. I was up north and I said, I'm up north, getting Uber or I can come drive you. And you said, I'm on a walk. And I walked. And then you walked. Do you remember walking home? No. I remember part of the phone call. Yeah. And then I was just kind of home again.

I kept them on the phone to make sure you didn't die. Wow. Wow. And this piece of chicken, was it, was it worth it? No, that's the worst part. It never is. I've never gotten food poisoning from a place that I was like, that was really good.

I did. Where did you get it from? What that I was like that was really good. I did Where where do you get it from? What's that steakhouse that out back? No black angus. No Chili's Ruth's Chris Ruth's Chris's steakhouse. Wow. I think that's the one. Yeah, it was really really good It was an accident though. It was my fault. I think it's always an accident. No, okay. This will happen. I got my steak Medium rare and if you got his steak rare, and somewhere in the mill, we swapped plates, because he wanted to try mine, and I wanted to try his Tomahawk. And at the end of the mill,

they were like, oh, do you want this to go? And I was like, yeah, sure, thinking it was my mostly cooked, only kind of pink in the middle steak. It was his fully raw rare steak. So when I heated it up the next day, I died. I think that's fine. No.

I do that all the time. A rare steak? Yeah. No. Yeah. I have a question. What's up? If you have a meal that is so good,

but every time you eat it, you like almost die from food poisoning, would you continue to eat that? Yeah, I would absolutely. Okay, I still eat steak. I don't, yeah. And she eats it rare as fuck. I eat it super rare.

And microwaves that afterwards. I do. Psychotic. I've never gotten like the, what I meant earlier about like, I've never gotten big boy sick, like Salmonella, Listeria, et cetera, and gone back to a restaurant. But there's a place in Los Angeles, and I know they have it here too a little bit,

called Holog Guys. Oh, I love Holog Guys. And it makes me sick 100% of the time. And I recently told the story somewhere else, so I apologize if you listener have heard it. But Holog Guys makes me sick 100% of the time that I eat it. I've tried getting it without every ingredient like, okay, to like narrow it down. Yeah, to see which one, but every single time I get massively sick at the end.

What do you think it is? Do you think they poison it? I think they poison it for me. Yeah, you're on the list. Yeah. Yeah, has this happened in Austin and LA? I have not had whole all guys in Austin. Well, we should get it this weekend. We'll see if it makes you violently ill,

and then we'll know that you're on a picture on the wall in the food truck. I mean, it makes sense. There is when I order food door dashers, an option of like, have you ever visited Israel before? And I think that's her mom got. Oh, that's good. Very good.

That's good. So I go to Holog Haram, and I get sick 100% of the time and One of my favorite stories of it is because I would get because I would get sick so many times from eating Hullall guys I would just factor it into the next day. Yeah, I would go. Oh, I'm working from home. Yeah, so I can afford to get You pencil in it. That's brilliant Logic to lamb perhaps no, didn't lamb all the time. To piggyback off of what you said about checking off, have you been to Israel?

Do you think that they want to convert people? Don't you think that they want to be like, listen, is it really worth having the West Bank when you can have this delicious, delicious, delicious, delicious Euro that makes you sick 100% of the time? Absolutely, though. Have you had a long?

Of course. Yeah. Of course. There's the only place open at 3 a.m. Oh, they're in there amazing. And I wish we lived in a city that had like, street meat, whole all carts that were just outside. My favorite story of eating whole all guys is I ate it on a Friday night,

one night. I order it. I eat it. I'm fucking getting down on it. I'm planning for the rest of the night and tomorrow to be awful and then as soon as I finish my plate I get a call from my stepmom who goes hey Meehaw so Your uncle's probably not gonna survive through the night

You know he's been doing bad. He's in the hospital So if you want to say goodbye, you kind of got to come down today and I went... Like, drive? Yeah, it was a three-hour drive from Los Angeles. They live in like Palm Springs area. And so I hopped in my car, I made that drive. I started going down and I stopped at every single denny's

along the way just to take a shit Yeah, yeah, what do you mean? No, that's what I mean like you went specifically to take a shit There's every other gas station available. You said I'm waiting for the dead. That's some fucking freaking first of all Every gas station bathroom is gross or coked out. Okay, or sex down. Oh, bookies Well, people are still doing blow in buckies, they just clean it more often because of the aforementioned blow. Yeah. But a Denny's is always going to be cleaner than anything except for a buckies.

And if you're ever like, I need to shit right now, just type in the nearest Denny's and it'll take you to a semi-clean restroom. So Denny's is just a big public restroom, is what you're saying. And a diner. And while the diner is second. Right, right. To the availability to shit whenever I want to.

Google is now going to list it as a public restroom. And Denys corporate is going to be like, how do we change this? Like no, no, no, no, we lean into an ad campaign. Denys is a public restroom. That would be a great ad campaign, honestly. Fill up after you empty out. Yes.

You can, it's just a commercial of a guy like shitting and they're like, then they give him the pancakes. It's like, Denny's, pick up dump out. Pick up dump out. I love it. Pick up dump out. That's awesome. Can we get paid for this?

Can we do this? Can we get Denny's on the phone, please? He's getting his on the phone, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do getting his on the horn, thank you. What they say on the horn, I don't know. That's because people used to just have a big horn, they would announce their news. Um, this is not the Flintstones. The Flintstones did not happen. People did not have horns. I have no idea what it's like.

The Flintstones absolutely happened. That is the closest representation that we have to the prehistoric era, where man and dinosaur work together to make a living. happened. That is the closest representation that we have to the prehistoric era, where man and dinosaur work together to make a living. Okay. Okay. So, and how was the world created? Well, God in his infinite way. No, I'm not sure. All right. All right. The whole universe was in a hot, then space. Yeah. Like the inside of my stomach and a dentist. And then I shitted out.

Yeah. I was about to do the big bang theory intro and I just don't know the that song. I was trying to think that I was like if I fuck this up it's not gonna make sense. They ruined that bear naked lady. I've never seen a single episode. What are you serious? You're lying. I single episode of The Big Bang Theory. What? Are you serious? You're lying. I was just, you're lying. No, I just never, I didn't like, I didn't really have like cable cable when that show

was full. It was on the free cable. It's ended, but it was on the free cable. I watched it on Netflix, DVD delivery. Wow. Wow. So I would get two discs at a time. So you waited for it? I would have to wait days

I get two discs at a time and each disc had like four episodes on them. Wow Series that way why? Because Netflix because you're psychotic. Well, it was Netflix. It was really they have this you microwave steak You watch the big bang three four episodes at a time. We need to get we need to get you tested That's also how I watched 30 rock oh 30 rock is a slightly better show at least on Netflix. That's that's No, yeah, I don't But I watched every I've watched every episode of young Sheldon now that I have you really yeah

Because I knew I had to watch young Sheldon first. Yeah, it's the right way. That's how they intended you to watch it. Wait, I have a question. And maybe this is not a good thing to bring out cause you haven't seen Big Bang Theory, but how is it different than friends? I've been trying to figure out like, why is it successful?

I've never seen friends. All right, well, all right. That's what's different to me. I've also never seen friends. I do love living single though. Living single. That's like black friends. That's the show that friends is based off of.

You know some people go, I have a black friend. Sure, that was a living single. The black friend is the person that they watched on the screen. Yes. Interesting. Do you actually not know about this? Living single? No.

Oh. So it was a show. Yeah. What year? One year before friends. Yeah. And the dude who made friends did an interview and they're like, if you could make any show, what would it be?

And he was like living single and he made friends. Wow. And then living single got three seasons. How many friends seasons are there? Six. And the first black person's in season six as a main recurring character. And it's played by Aisha Tyler.

Yeah. I learned that from the blackening, is that the movie? I don't know. I learned that from an interview with the actress who was on living single. Wow. Really? Yeah. But did they have black Joey? I mean, how do you... They have black Joey, yeah. His name was like... His name was black Joey.

It was weird that they called him that. Yeah, because there was no other Joey. It was like, his name was Black Joey. His name was Black Joey. It was weird that they called him that. Yeah, because there was no other Joey. It was like a rule choice. It is, I needed to make sure that this was, that I was accurate. I'm not a twain, write the script for the, no more. No, we wrote the intro music. Yeah, okay.

Yeah. Well, it's Black Friends. All right. It's Black Friends. Welcome to live in singles, Black Friends. The new song does fuck though. It's really a tie for Raps in it. Black Friends. The theme song does, fuck though. The quality for wraps in it. Really? The blackening was the movie that I was talking about,

that I learned about every Black character in Friends. Well, I saw that clip and before I watched the clip, I was typing to my girlfriend who sent me the clip, I was like, well, I would fail because I've never seen Friends. And the spoiler, like the punchline of the joke is the Blackest Person was one who said, I don't know, I've never seen friends in the spoiler, like the punchline of the joke is the blackest person was one who said, I don't know, I've never seen friends. So I just died. You would have survived. I didn't see the blackening. I saw it. It was fine. Good. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I can't believe. Oh, by the way, the end of the story was that I was taking a

shit in a denny is when my stepmom called me and went We lost him. Are you serious? Your uncle is dead. Your uncle is dead. It's fine. I have this pancake over my shit and and so whole all guys stopped me from saying goodbye to my uncle Yeah, and I've still gone back since then that's how much I love whole all Wow, so they answer your question. No, yeah What was my question? Would it stop you?

Would it stop you? Right. No. Thank you for answering that question. If it was a big boy one, if it was Salmanella, Listeria, Ecoli, etc. Yeah, I'm not doing that shit. Did you have a moment where you questioned mortality in life? Did you have some kind of like existential awakening because of this?

When I was taking a shit at a Denny's and found out everyone was there? No, when you had Sal Manella, or you just out of it. I was pretty out of it for the first time. For the first most of it. Yeah, all right. And then you got incredulous, because we kept telling you to go to the doctor.

And you're like, if anyone keeps telling me to go to the doctor, I'm not gonna go and I'll just die. And I was like, okay, so he took the Tylenol and his fever's down. Yeah, okay. I'm playing Star go and I'll just die. And I was like, okay, so he took the Tylenol and his fevers down. Yeah, okay. I'm playing Starfield show. I think I did say a couple of times. Yeah, it was not a fun feeling.

I didn't really think that I was going to die, but I was talking with Chris Demarius, friend of the show. I'm gonna show. Outside a while ago about how, about how sometimes like, you know when you've been sick and it's mostly stomach sick too, for so long, there reaches a period where you no longer remember what it was like

to not feel sick. Oh yeah, that's why I feel every time I get any kind of sick. Yeah, agreed. Or like this is gonna last forever. It's gonna let this is just my life now. Yeah, I can't even remember what it felt like to be normal and all I know now is sickness. The one exception though, back pain.

Where really? If I have back pain, I feel it all the time. Oh, it never leaves me. It never goes away. Yeah, I have back pain right now. I'm aware and I'm feeling it right now. Yeah, same here. I got it, I bought a heating pad.

Oh, did you really? Yeah, because I have Like tweaked my back doing by the way doing nothing I laid down and it went wrong. Well, don't say gravity. That makes it feel bad All right, that makes it feel like when I We weren't just floating around like the Dead Sea where it it was gravity that didn't. Yeah, it was gravity. You don't have to say it like that. Right. Sorry, Newton, the weight of existence, the weight of your existence.

What do you mean the weight of my existence? Because I was the weight of your existence. Don't say that either. Well, I'm trying not to say gravity, but how do you define gravity without saying things that explain gravity. See what I'm saying? I don't like having this tiny bitch on the show anymore. All right.

Just saying. You invited me. I specifically asked for you. We asked you explicitly. Yeah, and then she came on the show just to make really smart fashions. The extreme density of your weight. Wait till I talk about your mother. I'm not using extremely buoyant way. I see what buoyant. Fondler, you seem extremely buoyant, will you?

I seem what? Boins? Alright. Jesus Christ. I'm getting roasted by all my friends, by Black Joey, and younger Sheldon. Fuck me. Female Sheldon.

Thank you. Sheldon's not a woman? No. Really? I had a dream about a sex button, guys. Where were we? What is the sex button? What is the sex button?

I don't know. It was just a button and I knew in my dream. This is a real dream. It was a real dream I had last night. I had a desk in front of me and there was a button. I knew that if I pressed it, I would get sex. But I woke up before I had sex. So what do you think that means? Wait, I don't understand. This is not a reference to something else. This is like- No, this is- last night I had this dream.

You had a dream that there was a button under your table when you pressed it, you would get sex. I would get sex. From whom? Yes. Wasn't clear. But that was sort of the surprise and unfortunately I woke up before I could figure it out Yeah, so I've been looking to take an app during the work day just to see just to see this who happens I don't think you're allowed to say that that you're hoping to have a sex dream during work hours

No, I mean during my lunch break. Yeah, that's that's off the clock. Can you if, if you take a nap at work. Lunch break. Yeah, lunch break. And it's a wet dream. Is that harassment? Is that bad? Were you napping? Your car.

No. Were you napping? Yeah, you're all out to come in your car, right? It's your car. That's your own car. That's your, that's your domicile. Yeah. That's a good question.

But, you know what? The difference is if you tell someone about it, then it's harassment. car that's your that's your domicile yeah that's a good question but you know what the difference is if you tell someone about it then it's harassment that's harassment which I which unfortunately there's a microphone in front of me this is this is a conversation that's being recorded yeah and broadcast who else had a sex button what who else had a sex button? Matt Lauer. I think it was Matt Lauer. Matt Lauer had a sex button? Yeah. What is, okay. It was a button under his desk.

He would press it to lock his office door. So that he could. Harass women, yes. Oh. Yeah, I guess it's more of a harassment button though. Do we have a button here? No. Yes, we do have a button.

There you go. It's come full circle, guys. If you press the button, oh, is that Matt Lauer? No! Can we get somebody just like stand in front of the camera, like menacingly walk, but we don't really see their face. Anyone?

No. Oh my God. You should wrap this up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I can't even talk about piss. Have you ever gotten food poisoning before?

I have not gotten salmonella before. None of the big boys. None of the big boys. No, I test it. Like, I go and eat lots of toll house cookie dough. It's almost as if I'm suicidal. You know what the amount of flour, not the eggs that gets you. I didn't know that.

He told me that. He didn't eat raw flour, it'll kill you. Yeah. That's wild, because I have snorted raw flour. So it's like, it's fine. It's a year, hell yeah. It's insane. It's funny.

I didn't know. How do you didn't know it was funny? Well, that is very funny. It is very funny, but I didn't know it was the flour. But, it was like Russian. But yes, it is wild how much like raw cookie dough I eat. Yeah, it is. You can't even like, like flour gets bugs in it after a while, and the bugs are always in there. Yeah was like Russian. But yes, it is wild how much like raw cookie dough I eat. You can't even like like flower gets bugs in it after a while. And the bugs are always in there.

Yeah, like the naps. The weevils. Yeah, weevils. Yeah, flower weevils. But right. If you leave flower too long, there will be bugs in there. And then you're thinking how they get in there. They're always in there.

They just don't hatch unless you leave the flower for a really long time. Bugs are fucked up. Bugs are fucked up. Wait, what do they do to me if I eat them? I think they just live inside of you forever. You've seen rather to eat. Yeah. They start controlling you.

Yeah. Like a rather to eat. Yeah. So what we could say is that all the bad parts of my character are not because I'm a bad person or more else because I ate flower weevils. A bunch of weevils. Yeah. That's what it is.

And now I don't need to have a therapist anymore because it's not my fault. Exactly. Nothing you've ever done has been your fault. Nothing anyone else has done has ever been their fault. It's because they eat too much flour. All right, this is why people are saying that you should be gluten free.

Because if you don't eat gluten, then the weevils can't get inside of you and you'll be a better person. That's why people... The root of all evil is the gnats, the weevils in flour. And if you were just gluten-free, you fucking idiot. We'd all live in peace and harmony. Can we wrap this up?

Can we wrap this up? Sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have a great show for you guys today. We are joined by BFT's Carolyn and Sammy to play a game called How Is This News, where we learn a little bit more about the news. We're also going to give you some advice on what to do

with your lovers' disgusting secret. And as always, we turn headlines into punchlines in our favorite segment, The Circle Joke. So I think without any further ado, let's hop into that first game. It's time for How Is This News! [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Welcome to How Is This News. The only game show we're getting informed feels like killing

your brain cells. The news is boring so we turned knowing what's going on and to a thing that you can win. Think of it like Thanksgiving dinner with that side of the family that you hate to be around but with points. I am your host Armando Torres but now let's get informed on our contestants. First up, we have Griff Milton. I should say something. Yeah, always. Oh, you're an introduction. I mean, it's an audio podcast.

Oh, hi. How you doing? Fine, how are you? I'm doing Sammy. Hello. I'm Sammy. How you doing? I'm good.

Yeah. Sammy from BFD. Sammy? Yes. From best friends today. Yeah. How How you doing? I'm good. Yeah. The same with me at D. Sammy?

Yes. From best friends today. Yeah. How are you? How are you? How you been? How you been? No, sorry.

You go. No, you. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm actually so... Caroline Grossman! It feels so wrong without like an applause or a reaction from the audience. Well added in in post.

Oh, damn. Thanks. That was in pre- Can we get the sound effects that we were getting? This is an audio podcast? Yeah, it's on the... Because I'm looking in the camera and I genuinely look in the mirror. This is not vanilla for Appuccino. This is something...

It looks sick. You're serving Victorian girls. That's... I'm seriously of a cough. Of a cough. Spanish. Oh, it never looks so good before. All right, let's go on. Let's go on.

Well, thank you all three of you for joining me. Today we are going to play a game where we learn a little bit of news and test how informed you are. As always, we are kicking things off with some world news. The world of fucked up shit. as always, we are kicking things off with some world news. The world of fucked up shit. It's time for our first game, Florida Man. In a moment, I am going to show you a mug shot

of a Florida man who was arrested last week. And then I'm going to read you three, also very real headlines from Florida last week. And it is up to you to guess which crime this man committed. Are you ready to see your perk? Yes, absolutely. Boom. Okay. So for the listeners at home doing the audio only, he's just showing us a picture of Donald Trump, so I think I'm going to be interested. No, that's not, I don't even know how to describe this person. If you asked an AI to make Jesus,

I was about to say. He does look very Christ-like. Yeah. Jesus from Florida? Yeah. Well, where do you think Jesus is from? Right, Florida. Jesus, if he was starting his soundcloud, rap career.

Yeah, that's what I see here. Well, just like Jesus,iskye only has 12 followers. So, let's get into the list of possible crimes. First up, Florida man arrested for trying to rob a waffle house using finger guns. Mm, okay, okay. This is option A. Get arrested for that.

I think you don't successfully rob the wall. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, I mean, there, it's part of the training of every waffle house is how to stop an armed robbery. Yeah. And this was a literal armed robbery. Armed robbery. So, it should be pretty easy.

Florida man arrested after torching a car belonging to his girlfriend, who is also his cousin. Oh, okay. And these are real things that have happened. These are very real headlines from last week. These are three separate I assume, Florida men. Yes. Did do these things.

Or it could be D, all of the above. He's had a crazy week. And lastly, we have Florida man arrested for sealing over 1,300 gallons of gas Crazy week. And lastly, we have Florida man arrested for sealing over 1,300 gallons of gas from a local Wawa. Okay. Okay.

Not this guy. You don't think this guy steals gas? No. He's probably a gas reseller. This guy smokes gas. I think he pulls it. Yeah. But I don't think he's sealing it.

I'm going to business route. I think he's reselling the gas. Really? Who's buying like, resold gas? Well, if he's stealing it. I'm going to business route. I think he's reselling the gas. Really? Yeah. Who's buying like, resold gas? Well, if he's in Florida, well, let's check the gas prices. Let's say the gas is like $4. He's selling it for three. How?

Hey. I mean, Florida is the one place where like, you need 16 different types of vehicles between your car, your truck, your boat, your girlfriend's car that you need to torque. Your girlfriend's car? Your cousin's car? Yes, her cousin's car.

Yeah. So, yeah, two cars won fire. So I'll go through them one more time. Is the crime, A, Florida man arrested for trying to rob a waffle house using finger guns. B, Florida man arrested after torching a car belonging to his girlfriend who is also his cousin, or C, Florida man arrested for stealing over 1,300 gallons of gas from a local wawa.

Do you guys have wawa where you're from? No, I didn't know it was in Florida though. I didn't know anything. I didn't know about wawa Florida though. I didn't know the other thing. I didn't, all I know about Wawa is that they apparently have really good coffee, coffee. Coffee, and that they have very steelable gas. Okay, why is this so steelable? It's just lying around.

If you walk in with finger guns, they just give it to you. Oh, yeah. They don't have the waffle house training. They don't have that. No, they couldn't catch a chair if they fucking tried the lips So let's With Griff Griff, what is your answer? Oh, I said I think it's B But I also think he's done A and C different times

Okay, so we're gonna go with the leading answer of B with a side dish of all of the above Sammy what is your answer? I went with B. Also the other stuff. The other stuff. I think the same stuff. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, those other things are just like, it's part of getting your Florida driver to this.

Yeah, like you have to do those. I just think that whatever he did do was his third strike, those options. Smart, incredible. So you think this man's going away for life? I mean, is that not what living in Forbiz? True that. Caroline, what is your answer?

I think I was a little confused about the assignment. Ooh. I didn't. You drew a picture of a cat. You drew a picture of a cat. So I'm a little bit off, but on the back, I did write B. B. Because I think it's B.

All right, all of our contestants have voted for B. What does that say about that? We just think it's the best of him, I think. We just want to see the best of them. Hold on, we know what that's the best of them. That's the best thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no If we're going in justice the one where he stole 1300 gallons of gas is more in just simple I'm talking creative it makes a lot of gusto to go hello plant he was trying to do insurance give me all of your cereal oh shit oh the real kind

god damn how does that I'm sorry I'm very bad at puppet shadow puppets uh-huh this is a dog sorry, I guess I could see that. I don't think that you would really get much out of a waffle house anyway. You probably get in 1350 and whatever pack of cigarettes the cook is currently smoking. The answer is B. Yeah. This is a man who torched his girlfriend's car, who is also his cousin, and who I also found a few TikToks from,

talking about how his pet alligator had died. So it's been a real rough time for this man here. Is that real? That is correct, that is real. Wow. Yeah, Florida's a fun place because all of those stories happened within the same three days. Yeah.

And they weren't even all of the Florida man stories. I just feel like Florida is the place that the universe like tries out new people. Like, you know how like there's like types of people? I think Florida is like where they go to like test them to see if they can do like a full release. Yeah. Definitely the beta program. Yeah, yeah. No, it's alpha.

Oh, the alpha. They're all unstable. They're all unstable. Yeah. like the beta program. Yeah, yeah. No, it's alpha. They're all unstable. They're all unstable. Yeah. What is beta then? Beta is slightly more stable than alpha. But which state would that be? That's new.

California. Oh. New York for sure. Yeah. California is when they've got it right before, it's pre-release. That's the like, yeah, you get early access in California. It's like Fortnite. It's like Fortnite.

California is Fortnite where it never had a full release. Yeah. It is still just the game and they're never gonna have a full release. California is Fortnite because. Yeah. Very good. Okay. And shoot.

Hey, hey, hey. Well, where do you go when you're like outdated outmoded? The Midwest? No, you actually go back to Miami. Yeah, you go back to my Boca. You go to Fort Lauderdale. Yeah, thank you. Go to Mar-a-Lago.

So let's move on. It's empty right now. Let's move on. We have a three-way tie, 50 points between all of our competitors. They are all doing a three-way handshake. There we go. Even though all of our competitors basically wrote down

either all of the answers, or drew a picture of a cat. I had the answer on the other side. You know what? That's what Stan informed looks like. It is time for our second game. Don't quote me on that. Last week, two US prosecutors independently called for an investigation into former Avacrombian Fitch CEO

and current bloated corpse, Mike Jeffries. This verifiable piece of shit is accused of exploiting, abusing, and possibly sex trafficking at least eight young men. My point is, fuck this guy. This is not even a Photoshopped image. And weirdly, it's the best picture I could find. Oh, look he looks like he designs clothes.

Yeah. I was about to say if they cast a Gary Bucyne the Barbie Missy, this is what it's like. I'm going to eat. He looks like what Will Ferrell's character was based on. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. His teeth are really white.

His ears are big. Yeah, ears are big. Yeah, ears are big. He said give me the horse teeth. Damn. How much of this Mr. Ed looking mother fucker do you think is real person still? Like him own self or other? He's tongue. I think that's it. You can't replace that.

No, I've been watching a tongue transplant. No. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there.

I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there.

I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh, there. I'm gonna say, oh this more dispassion? No, yeah, they take, like, if you have a bad belly, they'll take good belly shit and put it in your shit, so your shit's good.

So you have appliances, healthy biome. Yeah. Can you do this for fun, or is it just medicinal? That's how Kim Kardashian lost the baby weight. By putting poop in her, yeah. All right. Is that slander towards... Can you put action? Or the babies?

It was. It was like we needed to replace you, so we filled you with shit. Okay. Take that Northwest, you dumb bitch. Anyway. Whoa! I am going to read a series of quotes

from this asshole, Mike Jeffries, and it is up to you to tell me if this quote is real or fake. We are going to go in a row. Each of you is going to have two chances and each quote is worth 50 points. Let's get started. Our first quote is, a week exclusionary?

Absolutely. Other companies aren't doing well because they target to everybody. Young, old, fat, skinny. But when you do that, you become totally vanilla. Griff, is that a real quote? Oh, this real is hell. It is true.

It is a direct quote from Mike's interview with Business Insider in 2013. I've seen that in your view. All right, Griff, up to 100 points. Sammy, here's your quote. Dude, I'm not an old fart who wears jeans up to my shoulders, but I don't let my pants hang either, because that's classless.

He's a classless, that's gotta be true. That is true! Yeah. That is a direct quote from high school interview with salon.com in 2006 when he was 61 years old. Okay, he was 61 years old. Okay. He was young. Yeah. Okay. He's learned a lot at the time. He had his old everything back then.

He's got his new. Because that was what 80 years ago. Yeah, just about. Yeah. Right. So it's just a different time. Yeah. Caroline, here is your quote. Of course, our store is gay. It's fashion. We need that if you wanna look good. This is, that's a hard one. Of course our store is gay.

No way he said that. I don't know man. Okay. I feel like he would be like, this is not, this isn't gay clothing, this is for real men. I want you to remember that this man is currently being accused of sex trafficking eight young men. I feel like it would be funny if all three of these were just real men. I want you to remember that this man is currently being accused of sex trafficking eight young men.

I feel like you'll be funny if all three of these were just real quotes. I'm gonna say it's real. You're gonna say it's real. That is false. Oh. Here is the actual quote. It's not gay.

It's not straight. It's not for black people. It's not white. It's all about depicting the wonderful playfulness, which to me, sounds pretty gay. That sounded like a fruity and slick. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait.

The wonderful playfulness of... Of... Of Abacrombian Fitch. Yeah. Okay. Is that implied in brackets or... It was part of a longer quote of him talking about why he liked using a bunch of shirtless models to promote his shirt.

shirtless white mill models. There's no way he would call his brand gay. Not this man. No, not gay. He said, I don't care if you're black, white, gay, purple, or green. As long as your shirtless, you're Avacrombian Finch. Yes.

This actually work. I'm liking this guy. This actually work, by the way. Okay, can we rewind to when Armando said he's a sex criminal? Well, now he wasn't when he did that. No, he wasn't. Wait, no. No, he wasn't doing it. No, that's what he was doing it.

No, him? No. This guy. No, no, I was looking. This fucking beached whale looking piece of it. He said he doesn't care about if you're black. Yeah, true enough. Just if you're classless.

Yeah, classless is a crazy word. That's like calling you the N word, but like, if you went to Mar-a-Laga. Yeah, just calling me a slur, like, honestly, I prefer it. It's like calling you a slur, but then tipping you $20. Yeah, it's very upsetting. Mm. Classifier.

All right. After our first round of, don't quote me on that. Yeah, me on this. Grif has 100 points. Sammy has 100 points. Caroline has 50 points, but you still have another round of quotes to go because this guy said a lot of shit. Griff, here is your next quote.

People said we're sexualizing little girls. I still think fongs are cute underwear for little girls. I'm gonna say he didn't say that. I'm gonna say that the American apparel guy said it. Ooh, that's a good guess, but it is a true quote. Oh! This is a quote from Mike's interview also with salon.com. Why the who let him talk?

So long ago. So long ago. After Abacrombian Fitch came under fire for making thongs for little girls. That's bad. That's worse than the H&M monkey shirt. Google H&M monkey shirt. Google H&M monkey shirt.

Oh my god. If you Google H&M monkey shirt, you will get the right search result and a bunch of wrong, crazy ass shit. So I would suggest doing that in quotes so you get the right thing. Sammy, here is your next quote. Okay.

People ask how I could want to help the world, but only be concerned about fashion. Fashion is extremely important, because it's illegal to be naked. That sounds like a Tim Robinson quote. Okay, but look at him. Yeah, look, he does look like a Tim Robinson character. It's too clever for that.

Yeah, I think when he said classless, he talks and I don't mean this with any respect. He talks a little bit more eloquently than this. That felt like a joke. Yeah. Aw, fuck. He'd say nude. Yeah, he'd say like the classless little H&M monkeys.

All right. Can you repeat the quote again? Yes, of course. The quote is, people ask how I can want to help the world but only be concerned about fashion. Fashion is extremely important because it is illegal to be naked. That's so true though. It's brilliant. He didn't say that. There's no way. Armando definitely said that, didn't he?

I'm gonna go true. You're gonna go true. That's stupid. That is false. I know. It is actually a quote from fellow fashionista, Kanye West. See, that's something that he would say. Yeah, Kanye would say that. That is a quote that you all called brilliant. in the A West. See, that's something that he would say. Yeah, Kanye would say that. That is a quote that you all called brilliant.

No, that's a panic quote. I didn't see that. No, we said it was brilliant because we thought you wrote it. Because you thought I wrote it. And we said he would be more eloquent. Yeah. I'm sure he's saying it's plain why it's brilliant,

but you could find a way to say that that's brilliant. Yeah. Manic clients. Well, I think Mike would describe it as classless. Yeah. Caroline. Yeah. Here is your last quote.

We only go after the attractive American kids. A lot of people don't belong in our clothes and they'll never belong anywhere. Yeah, he said that. Yeah, he did say that. He did say that. He said that in the same interview he said the one that I did. No, he actually said it in an interview with Forbes in 2013.

Yes, Caroline. Is there a long order episode about this guy? Not yet. Not yet, but there will be. I know, 100% there will be. Can you call it a day? There must be. There has to be ripped from the headlines episode about this.

Yeah. I need to see Olivia Benson go out and be like, you, I don't, I guess,, I can't do it in proud. Sammy? Me for Olivia Benson? Yes, yeah. The show I've never seen. You son of a blape.

You can't get away with all this fashion. And you can't get away with discriminating against these little colored boys. And that episode came out in 1961. So. That was so good. Very So, that was so good. Very good. It was so good.

All right, so at the end of Don't Quote Me On That, let's check our points. Griff has 150 points. Sammy has 150 points, but also Caroline has 150 points. And now, okay, there we go, another three-way handshake. This is- That one got less of fish. Yeah, we went around the wrong way.

I didn't put it in my, I didn't put it in my right eye. I'm sorry. I figured you would have been able to do it better having already done it before. Beginners love. Fair enough. Now, at it's time for our third game and my personal favorite, it's Zoo News.

My favorite part of reading is when I actually just read about goofy ass animal stories. I am going to throw each of you some new stories, and I want you to tell me which animal is making that headline. Griff, we're gonna start off with you. The Philadelphia Phillies just made waves online for denying entry to this emotional support animal.

The Philadelphia Phillies? Like, the Philadelphia Phillies. Like the, like the, like the, the ones that allow the Philly Phenatic in sex stadium, but are denying entry to a different animal. I'm, okay, it's cold up there. It's cold. So I'm gonna say it's not a tropical bird.

If I need to, oh, maybe this. I'm, hey, here, uh, peacock. Peacock, shuts out NBC. Yeah. Okay. No, the answer is actually an emotional support alligator. Oh, I was gonna say alligator, but it seemed too obvious. At least I'd peacock.

Yeah. The natural prey of the alligator. Yeah, I was trying to hit it to left field just like that sport, but you said, right? Baseball, yeah. Baseball. You know what no one ever talks about is how the philly fanatic is actually worse than Mike Jeffries.

That guy is an awful, awful person. Wally Gator was denied entry, despite his owner claiming that he helps with battling depression, and this is a direct quote, gives great hugs. That sounds like a fun way to say that he bites. You're a deaf and deaf rolled by an alligator? He feels like a squeegee real tight. He did have a little leash and a collar,

which I thought was adorable. If you put a leash and a collar on anything, it's adorable. Well, it depends on the color. No, I think all context. Sammy, this animal found its way into the Stockholm subway, shutting down an entire line until a local ranger shot it in the face.

Cool. What animal is it? And we don't get options. I just got a shoe from the hip. Just like that. Ranger did. Kill it. Man, dang, rest in peace to the, as you said, Stockholm.

Stockholm? Sweden. Yes. Here's some information. Stockholm had to be able to fit into a subway. Yes. The trains, not the rest. There's a lot of animals. And was killed by a subway. Yes. The train's not the right. There's a lot of animals.

And was killed by a wildlife ranger. Okay, okay. Let me go with, let me go with a bear. A bear? Yeah. No, it was a human being. Okay. No, I'm kidding.

It was a moose. Oh wow. Oh yeah, I'm kidding. That was not a animal. It was a moose. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. How do you feel a moose in the subway? There's humans. Yeah, mace are larger than horses. They're ginormous. They're really fucking big.

They're like, they're like, they're moose mace. Are one of those animals where when you see it up close in real life, it's like unsettling. Yeah, like a horse. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I like horse because they've got them teeth, they've got the veneers on them. You like horse because they got them too.

Yeah. You could they got like Jeffries. Yeah. You did it, me. All right, so that's two incorrect answers. Caroline seems really difficult. As Paris prepares to host the summer Olympics next year, French officials have become concerned

with the rapidly growing rise of this animal. No, it's not this. OK. It's not a cat. It's not a condrata. It's not a cat, right? Or I just put it in that. Hmm.

France. France, specifically Paris, preparing for the Olympics, which means a lot of people traveling in, upset at the rise of this creature. It's an animal or a bug. I would consider bugs to be animals. I want to say it's cockroaches. Cockroaches, final answer.

That's my final answer. Final answer is incorrect. Shit. It was bed bugs. I'm so very close. Ibugs. I love this. I saw this article with their crawling around everywhere. Yeah, that's disgusting. Bondo, no, you touched on something interesting here. weren't you just in Paris?

I wasn't Paris a while ago. Why? What's your point? What is the gestation period of a Bedbug and could it survive a fight from New York City? It's Paris. It says here about six months, which is when I was in Paris. Ah, really fucking itchy.

It's interesting. Ooh, yeah. Even Laura's a stunts, I think we should allow them to stay. So you are all tied at, I believe, 150 points right now. And normally, this is where we would just call it a tie. But lucky for you three, I have one final question. And you are each going to get a chance to answer it. A man fleeing Venezuela was forced to give up his beloved pet

at the American border after the two of them made a 3,000 mile journey. Griff, this, uh, a Venezuelan man was forced to give up his beloved pet at the American border after the two of them made a 3,000 mile journey. What is that animal? I said, Capuchin Monkey parentheses, not H&M. Whoa! That's a very good answer. Sammy, what is your answer?

Pig, fish, cow, sheep. So if, in the edit, if, if, if any of those are right, just in the edit, you can put them in there. Okay. Alright, some real fucking bingo with his name, O'Energy. Yeah, I had Old McDonald on one of these. Yeah. I didn't think that would be appropriate.

Caroline, what is your guess? I said a rock. I said a rock. I'm gonna pet rock. She said a rock. He said a rock. I'm gonna pet rock. She said a rock. Have you ever tried bringing a rock through the TSA? Yeah, deep. Why do you have rocks in your bag?

I'm sorry, I thought this was America, but not when you're going through the TSA. So I'm gonna say rock shit. The only rocks I'm bringing through TSA are crack rocks. It was a squirrel. Aww. The man was so heartbroken that he couldn't bring his new nutty friend into America that he was quoted as saying, and this will break your fucking heart as it did mine.

He said, and I quote, I hope he never forgets my face. Wow. Wow. And so he was forced to Harry and the Henderson's his own squirrel. This seems like a movie that we could get on. Yeah. Absolutely. Should we up? I could play the squirrel. This seems like a movie that we could get on the floor. Yeah, absolutely. Should we up? I could play the squirrel.

Yeah. All right. We'll talk about that in casting. It's like a real like this like a take away T.T. Jojo Rabbit situation. I don't want to talk about T.T. to have anything to do with this. All right.

OK. I think he's a great creative. Are you jealous? Are you jealous? Yeah. The three-tone. That's most avoided. Because it's the three-tone, yeah. Yeah.

Because on account of the three-tone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, is. This is a three-sum, yeah. Because it's on account of the three-sum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we have a tied score, which means that I have to fall back on my final round for double or nothing. Are we bad at this? Yeah, so. Grif.

What's new with you? What? I bought this shirt. It's a gap shirt, but I bought it at a Sam's Club for this note price. That's pretty good. How much did it cost? 1998. Did it come in a pack of four? Nope. Well, then you didn't really buy it from a Sam's Club. I did.

Sammy, what's new with you? I had a sandwich today. Oh, yeah. That's what kind of sandwich? It was a breakfast sandwich frozen. From where? From a target. I'm not gonna say, I was gonna say HEB, but I don't want people to know where we are.

But they know where we are. They know where we are. They know where we are. They know we're in Austin. Yeah. We're in Austin? Yeah. Well, we're recording this from Miami in Austin. Yeah. We're in Austin? Yeah. Well, we're recording this from Miami, Florida.

Yeah, we're in the same place. Live from Marlago. I can say this. I got 1,300 gallons of bucket gas in the pack. It was a Jimmy Dean croissant egg sausage sandwich. How was it? It was pretty good. Yeah, it's good.

They're very good. It sold us at Sands. It's danced to the inner foreback? No, like a 30 pack. Right, right next to the planal search. Oh, in the one pack. Yeah. Caroline.

What's new with you? This is something that's not new with me, but it's something I realize. I'm alone. I've been alone for a very long time, but last night I was like, oh, I'm alone. So that's what's new with me. Well, you're not going to be alone for Caroline, because now you have Griff to console you, because the answer was, I had a sandwich, and it was pretty good.

Sammy, you are our winner! What are you doing? Ah! What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, So is this news. We'll see you. Never. Fuck I'm ruined. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't have to. You don't have to be a real customer. Thanks for sure. This episode of the RT podcast is sponsored by Children's Miracle Network. We are thrilled to have them as a sponsor. Considering Rooster Teeth has been doing an extra-life stream every year for 10 full years. Every minute, 62 kids enter a member hospital of Children's Miracle Network hospitals and children's hospitals rely on donations to serve their communities and the kids that they treat.

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driven, cause gaming program. Having raised over $100 million in the last 15 years by joining Extra Life, you are becoming a changemaker for children's health. So be a hero for the kids in your community. in the last 15 years. By joining Extra Life, you are becoming a change maker for children's health. So be a hero for the kids in your community. Sign up for Extra Life today

to play games to change kids health. Hello and welcome back to RT cares. The segment where we take your questions and turn them into incredibly dumb answers. And today folks, we got a real wet one. So let's get into it. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months and recently I've been staying over his house a lot more.

I really like him a lot. But last week I found a weird stash in his room. For some reason he pees and gatorade bottles and then hides them in this closet. How do I even bring this up? Is it something I can ask him to stop? What do I do? Little stinker face You have the most horrified look of any person I've ever seen before I went to college for about a month Congratulations, right right and in that month

I I saw the most bizarre behavior. People pissed in water bottles and kept them. I don't know because the bathroom was right across the hall. So it's a thing that people do. I just don't understand it. No, when you say people, I mean men, I mean men. Because how would I? Yeah, because how else?

With the, yeah, the shewie. I genuinely wish that that was like a more convenient product to use, not because I would pee everywhere if I could. I mean, it's not convenient. It's a fucking funnel. No, but then you have a pissy funnel. Like you have a pissy funnel attached to you and you can just sort of hide that.

But I can't, like, I can't be like, can someone hold this for me? Can someone hold this? There's nowhere to fly out. You absolutely can. You can tell them, you said can somebody hold this for me? No. And our producer almost got out to

grab your hypothetical piss cut. But I just mean like if you're out in public and you're like, oh, I have to fucking take a piss, which I do when you're like going out. Yeah. It's 3 a.m. No one will let you pee inside. Yeah.

What about the choee? But then you have it like pissed on. You can't clean it. Yeah. It's 3 a.m. No one will let you pee inside. Yeah. What about the Chewie? But then you have it like pissed on. You can't clean it. Yeah. She's holding it because they don't take the water cup up. Oh, so you think that your life is hard. I have to carry around a gatorade bottle full of pits. That's right. Can you explain why? Yeah. Well, when I was a kid, I used to pee at gatorade bottles and I don't know why. And the worst part is when I was a kid, I would to pee in gatorade bottles and I don't know why. And the worst part is, when I was a kid, I would pee in the gatorade bottle and then in the morning, I would take it to the bathroom and dump it out into the toilet

and then throw away the bottle. Okay, no. There needs to be like a Freudian explanation. I don't know why I did that. I know why you did it. I know why you did it. Why? Monsters under the bed?

No. Step that down the hall. No. Mommy yell at you if you make a squeaky noise. Mm-hmm. Oh, all of the above. Yeah, but we're not gonna hit him. Maybe he's not gonna realize that. It wasn't any of us.

Cause it's fine. The thing is, if I had to take a shit, I would just go to the bathroom and take a shit. I didn't have a problem with leaving my room. It was, there was something fun and sneaky about pissing into a gatorade bottle. I hate that that's how you think of that. I was crazy. I don't like that. It something fun and sneaky about pissing into a gatorade bottle. I hate that That's how you think of that. I was crazy. I don't like that. It's fun and sneaky. I have a friend named Josh who He does a thing all the time where

So first of all, I'll start simple. I found out this man also and I said man. Yes also pisses in gatorade bottles I will leave them in his closet. I don't know that he still does, but I know that he has in the past a bunch. And we used to do stand-up together, and he would do this thing called checking his tire pressure, where the comedians would be standing outside, smoking and hanging out outside,

and he would go, hey guys, I gotta go check my tire pressure really quick. And he would walk over to his car, get on one knee, and then sneakily take out his dick and piss on the ground. And it took a bunch of us a lot of time to figure out what was happening. Because first of all, the phrase, I got to go check my tire pressure is like, it never even faced me. It never hit me the wrong way.

I always just went, yeah, that makes sense. I don't know, shit about cars, that sounds right. And then I would notice giant puddles of piss next to his car all the time and I put two into, well, I put one and one together and realized he was making number one. I have a question. Yeah, is it why he did this?

Well, it's more, is it like a skill based thing? Like, is it a sport? Are you like, can I piss in this bottle? Because here's the thing, I saw you make that face. And I was like, I know the answer to your question, which is, wide mouth. Why is it always a kid who read bubble? Wide mouth.

Wide mouth. Wide bottle too small. Can't get the p-hole. So wide mouth. Yeah, wide bottle too small. You're afraid that piss on hands. Piss on hands. And you have to go to the bathroom. Because that yeah, one of the two small you're afraid to piss on hands. Piss on hands. And you have to go to the bathroom.

Because that's the one where the water bottle's the one where you just kind of rest the head on top of it and let it sort of do its thing. But is it a sport? Like, are you doing it because it's a skill? No, it's not a skill. It's just, you just do it. You just do it. It's fun in the game.

Josh said that the reason he would do it is because of fear of missing out, is that he would feel like extreme fomo, if he left to go take a piss. He's not a woman. What? As of using the women's restroom, I'm missing 30 minutes of the night. Of course.

Dude going to piss is back before I'm even like in the line. Okay. Like, what's he missing? I'm not defending Josh. I'm not like in the line. Okay. Like, what's he missing? I'm not defending Josh. I'm not on the side of Josh. That guy pisses on the street, okay? Well, the question then is, if you're dating someone, wouldn't you like stop doing that for the duration

of the time that you're dating them so that they don't find your pistach? Well, you don't know how long the pistach has been there. That could have been a forgotten pistach. Forgotten been there. That could have been a forgotten pistach. Forgotten pistach. That could have been a forgotten cache of stash A. What about men also? The question she or they asked was,

how do they bring it up with him? Yeah, and if they're, I think. What do I do? If there's even anything that can be done, which I think is really fun. How do I bring it up? Is it something I can ask in the stop? What do I do?

Why are we stopping this behavior? It's not hurting anyone. You're not drinking the piss. Are you? Like, is it gross? To find piss in the... Okay, let's run it back. You went to college for about a month.

Congratulations. Congrats. Yes, sorry, decision. You found out that dudes would piss in bottles. Yeah. How did that make you feel? I thought it was funny. Yeah.

And I thought I would do it too if I could. And I don't know why. That's why I'm asking you why. So maybe I can learn more about myself, the mystery that is myself. But I'm just, it's one of those things where it's like, why is it gross? Like, it's not, it really isn't hurting anyone.

So why are you asking him to stop? Just a pleasure, just a joy. I feel like I would be upset if I was dating someone and they had a bunch of like empty water bottles all over the bedroom. I wouldn't want that. Oh, okay. Now you're telling me they're full of piss.

I know. Yeah, you're right. I hate to inform you that I've reached a bougie part of my life where, because I'm a constant water bottles all over the bedroom God, but I've hit a point in my life where I drink a lot of topa chico. So I am surrounded by amaz of glass glass At any time drop a chatter you also have a you have a heavy step if you step on those you could I could fuck it. Yeah, I could break it. You could shatter it. Yeah, I dropped a full glass in our office the other day and had to go bring a mop because it spilled everywhere.

It spilled shatter. But it dropping it on the ground didn't break it, but when I stepped on it, when I freaked out, I heard it go, and that's when I had to throw it away. I have an answer to this question. OK. I'm sorry answer to this question. Okay. I'm sorry.

I'll go for it. Well, I just feel like the best way to bring it up in my, from my perspective is pissing Tupperware, because that's a bowl. And then you can bring it to them and say, and it is like a peace offering. A peace offering. A peace offering.

Yeah, you order some fun. You drink the broth. You keep the cup. You piss it in. You go a peace. A peace offering. Yeah, you order some fun. You drink the broth. You keep the comfort. You piss in it. You piss in it. And they would say, please don't piss in my Tupperware. Please don't piss in your Gatorade bottles. And then that's it.

That's all that's. That's all that's. Honestly, that's me. This is okay. You have really latched on to something that I like a lot. There you go. The idea that you could, no, it's not even bad.

It's the idea that you could piss into something else, right? And then transfer that piss into a gatorade bottle and then hide it in the stash as a bottle. You keep it in the Tupperware. In the Tupperware. I hear what you're saying. I think it's worse if you start adding to their collection. And then they go look at it and go, I didn't,

I never bought the cucumber lime one. Where did this piss bottle come from? I like that. Add to the mystery. Add to the mystery. Because then they become disturbing. They're like, you know what? Maybe we should just stop this all together.

Yeah. Because when they go, some maniacs breaking into my home and pissing in my tub. And pissing in my tub, or where? All right, I actually, I'm really on board for this idea of add to the piss collection. And then worst case scenario, you just both find out you like to piss in weird shit.

Yeah, but this is like adding to the relationship. Maybe this is like what, what, what, you know, I, I, I brings it to the next level. We're like, I get why he does this and I love doing it too. And now you can do it together. I will say this. There's also, and this is an extremely privileged thing to say. I can, I can see that Griff is going through several exercises. No, it's fine.

I'm fine. Okay. But there is something so liberating and fun about peeing in any place that isn't a toilet. I've only not peed in a toilet once in my life. And that makes sense. Again, I do have my own built-in chewy, that I can, the flesh weight, that I can just use to project the pea somewhere else. Yeah, it was, honestly, the situation was out of my control. I was in West Hollywood. Mm-hmm. Come on.

I was there. Yeah, three eight. I was there. They kicked us out of the bar. Yeah. That's when I got COVID the first time. That's when you got COVID, yes to Cantina. Yes to Cantina.

We were going to be a Cantina. We're in a different place to the buy you. So, now we're leaving I'm full of piss the Uber is 28 minutes away. Oh my friends girlfriend takes me by the arm She walks me to an alleyway and she says I'm gonna show you how to pee as a woman outside and she changed my life How do you do it? So there's also this woman who is not a good person? Oh, yeah, she's a bad person She's a really bad person, But she just liberated you in someone. But she did liberate me that night.

It's a lot of angles. It's angles in like almost trick andometry, really. You gotta get your backup against them and you gotta get your feet far away and you gotta tilt. And then it just, you gotta find an angle. You gotta be in a decline. Yeah.

And then it just goes away. It's the same. You never have to think about it. It's the same rules as taking the perfect Instagram picture. It's all about the angles. It's all about the angles. It's about arching your back the right way. It's already squat.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I think this actually might prove my point, which is that people who enjoy pissing in the wild are bad people. Bad people. Because I also consider myself to be a bad person. I've admitted this on many podcasts in the past and I need you all to know, all of you to know that I've changed,

I've changed my ways. I don't do this anymore. You piss on the guard. But sometimes people would invite me over to my their house and then I would piss in their sink. Because I thought it was funny that I could do it. Wow. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Cam up, did you do that too? Yeah. What toilets right there? What? This is psychotic. This is reminding me of that.

This is reminding me of the women on TikTok who talk about their husbands. They're like, he pees on me in the shower and a lot of them say that. That I don't like. That feels related. That I did so. I like deepfew on my leg in the shower

and I'm like, why are 30 of you saying this? So you married the same man back to the romance. Do do that a lot. Yeah, wedding registry. Yeah, you get matching vases vases vases. You piss in them together. You get you get wedding China for pissing. Yeah. Wet wetting China. Yeah, there we go. I think there's something really liberating. If you haven't pissed in the wild, I think you should try it. Piss in the woods. Piss in the woods? It's really lovely.

It's really, really, really. Like, I got it. Like, that's the first time I could pit, literally piss in any way that I wanted to, and I knew no one was around me, and I was like, this is what God intended. How'd you do it? I squatted. I squatted, and it was on an incline.

The decline? Or decline. And I was just like, I get why there are people that don't like industrialized society because they've taken this away from me. They took this away from me. And I could have it. It's really nice. The ability to piss wherever you want

is really, really nice. And I think you should do it. So what we're saying here is twofold. One, don't, he who lives in an episteless house should throw no kidney stones, okay? Go out there, take a piss in the wild, and then start peeing in Gatorade bottles and hiding it in the stash

because that is honestly the funniest option. Well, that was awesome. I wanna put that on a pillow. I wanna put that on, I'm genuinely gonna put that on a pillow. I want to put that on a pillow. I'm genuinely going to put that on a pillow. That's hilarious. Uh, he who lives in piss houses should cast no kidney stones. Damn.

I hope to God that this has helped you in some way. Caroline, thank you so much for joining us and allowing us to help. Before we move on to our last segment, where can the people find you? Find me. Yeah. Like me personally, or what I do here. Or whatever you want them to find.

Well, best friends today is the YouTube channel, which I am doing here at Rooster Teeth, and then me personally, Caroline, Kahn's Nar, K-O-N, S-T, and Near. That's who I am. Go out, look for me. Don't make content anymore. Oh.

Yeah, what do you do here? Well, we hope that this has helped. Hey, not when we're recording, all right? Damn it. Can we cut? And now it's time for our favorite part of the show, Always On. Welcome everybody to Always On. I don't know if you've been paying attention, but the news is terrible.

So we've taken some headlines and turned them into punchlines. Today, we're going to be doing our famous circle joke where we have guest Caroline Grossman sitting in the middle while Griffin. I joke off around her You're gonna pick your favorite joke and then I guess award us a sex button that will be able to use in all of our future offices Griff you want to start us off this week former Goldman Sachs trader, Anthony Vigiano, has been arrested for insider trading done using an Xbox 360.

Vigiano, aka the Wolfenstein of Wall Street, used the old console to make over $400,000. So what, what your, what your, punchlines are hard. What, what, I'm used to Twitter shit post, so I'm gonna try to do a punchline. He, he would,. He was trading inside her with his sacks till she 360. You did not write that.

He was trading inside her with his gold msacks till she, her Xbox 360. Did Sammy write that? I wish you wrote that. I wish I could say that a 20 year old little boy wrote that joke, but here we go. Mando go, wow. All right. Chicken Run or Shindler's List for Kids

is now getting a sequel. And honestly, I'm not surprised. Who else but Mel Gibson would do a project about the Holocaust and think, hey, that was fun. We should do it again. She did. Wow. Wow. Disney World is being sued for $50,000 and a lawsuit related to an injurious wedgie

that was caused by writing the Humonga Cowabunga Water Slide and the resort's Typhoon Lagoon. So what I'm hearing is she cowabunga on my humonga to her lagoon type food. It's her last resort. I don't know. I'm not good at writing. Oh my god. I love this.

I love this. That's really good. You have you have confidence. You have a gift. Wow. Chicken run back in the news again today. Now this part is actually not a joke, and I need you to know that.

The creators of the movie say that it takes place on Chicken Island, which they actually described as Wakanda for chicken. I'm sorry. That is a real fact. You can see right here on this graphic. The movie features the escaped chickens living peacefully in their new motherland

and waging a bloody war with their new neighbors, Pigeonstein. I knew it. I could feel it coming. I heard Wakanda and I was like, it's gonna be Israel. Yeah. Chicken run. It's party for purpose.

You know what they say? Chickens run the media. Anyway. No, he can say that Chickens run the media. Anyway. What? No, he can say that. He's a curmal. Griff? Um, thousands of teenage boys are reporting that they've been blackmailed via a sexting

scam involving an unknown person. The scam reproteens would be a teenage girl, solicits news from the teens and then threatens to release them if not paid We've reached out to ex Abercrombie and Fitz CEO Mike Jeffries for comment, but he hung up on us after hearing the words blackmail Fantastic oh god, I thought you were just about to risk ruin, what's his name? Take a seat. Oh, I appreciate some presents. I'm like, ruined Chris Hansen's career. Oh, I'm coming for his bag.

No, guys, I promised it was a, it was a, it was for a show. For a show, I promised. Stop. All right, Chris. All right. Oh my God. Switching it up a little bit.

Let's talk about chicken run. In all, in all seriousness, Mel Gibson's character was actually recast for the film and replacing him is Shazam lead actor and Covid was a sham reactor Zachary Levi. Zach said that he took the project because the story, an allegory for Nazi Germany, really spoke to him. Quote, when I had to stay inside for a few months back in 2020, that was my personal Auschwitz. So true. I wrote, I want you guys to know, I wrote these jokes with 103 fever after getting Salmonella, a poultry disease and seeing that they were remaking chicken run. And I wrote like nine of these jokes. Yeah, you wrote about your struggles.

Yeah. Mine, my chicken comp. Mine chicken comp. Mine crunch. All right. So every week, I feel like we get closer to ruining our careers during this show. You do. Yeah.

It gets worse and worse. Every time I'm on here, I say something along those lines. Yeah. I've read the comments. A lot of people accusing you of being an anti-chickenite. I prefer beef and one of the other. So of these jokes, which one was your favorite? You know, I'm gonna have to,

I'm gonna have to go with Griff on this one. Wow. Which one? No, it was the fact that they followed the theme. And I love that format. Like she's something on my something to lie something. I use it all the time, in regular conversation with my parents

and they don't understand what I'm talking about. And so it's just- She Carolina, my gross moon till a constart. Hey, boy. That was really good. That was really good. Someone have to go, but those were fantastic. Thank you.

Those were really fantastic. Thank you so much. This is just out of sentiment, sorry. We have had so much fun. Thank you so much for joining us. I've been Armando Torres. I guess I'm groove I am Caroline We'll see you next week. Bye everybody

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