Rooster Teeth Podcast - Placing Bets on Musk V. Zuck - #757

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

Join Armando, Andrew, Griff as they place bets on Elon Musk vs. Mark Zuckerberg, play a patriotic edition of It's A Choice, discuss our dumb and smart solutions to travel, and wrap it all up with a joke-off! Watch the full episode of the Rooster Teeth Podcast for Free! -https://roosterteeth.com/series/rt-podcast Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time to put your pedal to the metal. From the twisted minds behind Deadpool and Zombieland, an executive producers, Will Arnett and Anthony Mackie comes the new Peacock original series, Twisted Metal, a high-oxane action comedy based on the classic video game series. Anthony Mackie stars as John Doe, a motor-mouthed outsider who must deliver a mysterious package across a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

If he can survive the drive, also starring Stephanie Beatriz, Samoa Joe, Nev Campbell, Will Arnett, and Thomas Hayden Church, twisted metal, streaming now, only on peacock Welcome everybody to America's first dry clean only podcast. It's the RT podcast. I am one of your hosts or Mundo Torres and joining joining me, as always, is Andrew Rosas. And... The Interloper. I'm never gonna say my name. Thank you for joining us, Griff. Man, it's good to be back.

Good to be in the chair and not in the insufferable Texas heat of 103 degrees with lava rain. It's been two weeks in a row where every day's been over 100. It's up for one day, but then that day we had tornadoes. So yeah.

There have been hotter, longer summers in terms of duration. Like we had one summer that was like, I think three solid months of plus a hundred degree weather. However, the humidity is so high, we've got a goddamn heat dome. Yeah. All men enter no men leave. Yeah. Heat dome. So with the heat index is like in the 120. It's been like the again, with the temperature being 100 degrees the past two

weeks, like three to four days of every day, those weeks have been in the 120s. All I'm trying to say is that with as gross and terrible as it is here, it's easy to see why residents like Elon Musk are trying to get to Mars so fast. Yeah. Well, what are we supposed to do sweat on earth with the bleeps? That's insane. With the sheep all? That's insane. With the Hoy Palloy. Of course not. Do you guys hear by the way that Elon Musk is going to fight Mark Zuckerberg? That's stupid. What do we mean it's stupid? That's stupid. That's like, that's just like two little, that's like two little.

For Lord Fontler and fighting. Yeah, two little Fontler and Fontler and Fontler. We're there laughing each other like this. Putting down their giant lollies to fight each other. That's a real like, I've sent my whipping boy. Like it's not, I don't even think they would even, they're gonna have like a proxy war via Amazon and Meta and we're gonna suffer. I love this new era of entertainment that we're living in where like, did you guys watch the creator clash by any chance? No, I didn't.

No, so I watched the creator clash with some friends of the show from another channel called Fun House. Were they in it? Well, no, but our friends were in it. We had friends that were in the creator clash. But it was one of the most interesting things to ever watch because people took it one of two ways. In every fight, there was two different types of competitors. There was the person that tried their absolute hardest to train up for the fight and had spent the entire time learning how to box, learning how to have a drink.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Q Montaz, so they're like running like Rocky, but also streaming the whole time. So they're like, I met someone who was doing it. And I just, I think she was fighting one of your friends. Yeah. She, Lana, she was fighting a Lana. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lana, wait.

Ah, I think she did. Did she win? I think she did. I'm not going to lie. I saw that girl's arms and I was like, oh, Lana's going down. Going to get her arms are punched into another dimension. She had like pythons and this was like two months before the creator class happened.

And so I was like, oh, she's already here. And Alana hasn't like started really training it. There's no way, but she won. Yeah, I actually did. That's crazy. Look at that for me. But that brings me to my point is like you have the one person who tried the absolute hardest and gave themselves a rocky montage. And then you had the other half of the people who were just like,

how hard could a fight be? Right, right, right. It's like I'm a I'm gonna vamp. Yeah. I'll just have to like move around for a while. 100%. So every fight was like one person just kind of like getting in the ring. Like you could tell they spent more time picking out the song that they would come out. Of course. Well, she just looked like a craters from God of War. That makes sense. That makes you wrote the God damn game. Oh, yeah. And then you had another person who trained really hard and every match was just them getting their fucking ass beat by somebody who had turned themselves into at least a semi-professional boxer. That is fantastic. Well, you know, and I mean, the Alana match, I might attribute that to Australian wildliness. Oh, that's very true. She also has that down under strength. Also, her punches go in the opposite direction. So you can't really counter them.

It's actually one of the split decisions. Yeah. Okay. Nice. So that means she won on points. One on points, but that just shows, like you can basically like get up in the morning and like, oh, I haven't trained at all. Like I've real tortoise in the hair and style in there and just like go to the thing and still win. We don't know. We don't want a split decision win.

When the other person was like using oxen yolk and like a bar and to do like sit ups, like they're gonna fight Ivan Drago. I'm saying is that because that seems to be every single fight, not all of them. I'll say that, not all of them. But most of the fights in the creator clash seem to be one person trying really hard and one person thinking like I'm bigger than them. Which is how I've won almost every single fight that I've ever been.

Have you ever been in a fight? Yes, but yes. What do you mean but? Well, I've been in, I fight that I've ever been. Have you ever been in a fight? Yes, but yes. What do you mean, but? Well, I've been in, I used to do martial arts. So I've been in like supervised, like sparring fights. You've been in the back, you've been in one like street fight. Oh, what do you want? How old were you?

I was like 12, 13, you know, stupid boys. Like, when you said street fight. Yeah, that's not a street fight. That's a school yard rumble. I mean lips were busted eyes were bruised Sockets were almost popped out. It was a fucking yeah, let's just say like having sex with you It's the same exact feeling lips are getting busted on Sockets are getting Fight Monday. Yeah, I've been you ever been on a fight long day? Yeah, I've been in a, you know, street fight

when I was like four or five. Yeah. Did you wait? You took a baby bottle cracked it on the side of it. I'm like, I'm used to this as a shim, as a weapon. Yeah, I'm stabbing people with the fake rubber nipple. They've got to be like that. That's the stuff.

I have been in three fights as an adult and they have each gone the exact same way. And I'm not saying this as like, I want to be very clear, I am not condoning fighting. Okay. If you talk to anybody who is a professional fighter, they will tell you that the best thing to do in a fight is to not fight. Okay. You should just change. Like, no, no, like just not fight.

Like just disengage. Yeah, disengage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Desk like, yeah, exactly. Just just leave it be. It's not no fight is worth it because either in the street fight, especially either one, you could get shot, create a clash it and be totally unprepared for somebody to kill you to rock your shit. Yeah. To a fucking a lot of your ass. Yeah. And just fight like a goddamn cause every day Australians have to fight a kangaroo and spiders the size of a Hyundai. Oh god. They pronounce it. Hutt and Dolly or whatever. I don't know. They got a whole fuck that they all got a speech impediment. Some of the comments is all us.

But so either that happens to to your point they can have a gun they can have a knife People shoot people for less stuff for no read literally no reason for turning around in your driveway Yeah, for turning or like literally trying to do a three-point turn in your driveway You'll get like peppered no Spray both in your car. I have to watch the GPS anywhere that I go so Deligently because I know if I pull into the wrong driveway on accident I'm gonna die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Blah blah blah blah. Or the best case scenario still and it's not even a good one is like you win the fight

And then you're liable for damages or you could kill somebody like somebody killed who Deany by punching him too Yeah, you get fucking Nicholas Cage in a con air. Yeah. Yeah, I've deemed that your hands are deadly weapons. Like you get that conviction and have to go with Cameron Poe in a con air, get sent to what put down. Why didn't you put the bunny back in the box? Yeah, and you go to jail for killing somebody.

So yeah, so I want to start out by saying that like you should never fight. So what you're saying is that You think that one of these billionaires is gonna punch the other billionaires so hard so hard that they fucking die Did they hear you who didn't even fucking that? Who wins in your head? Oh, it's suck for sure that question. So Keseh why or can you say why? Yeah, I can't I wanted to finish the thing though like I have been in a fight the three fights that I've been in have all gone the exact same way, which is I'm so massive that all I have to do is grab somebody by this part of their shirt, but just pull them into my punches. And if you hit somebody enough times in the head, they don't want to fight anymore. Every fight I've ever been in has ended with somebody going, okay, all right, I get it. Okay. No.

Two, three, two, three. Okay. To bring. Yeah, you should never get into a fight, but if you have a massive size difference, that's even better. That's why I don't have to get into fights. I want to know the absolute fucking psycho that wanted to get into fight with you, Armando Torres, six five, big man.

They're all under six foot. It's people who, it's tiny, man. It's tiny dudes who feel inferior, which you shouldn't. Yeah, we went to a bar one time. It was me, you, iffy, and some other people. And I was at the bar with you and iffy. And we were just waiting on our drinks. And this guy tried to pick a fight with both of you.

Yeah. And he was just like, it's just some guy. And you never talked to him. Nope. He literally was just like trying to get you guys with both of you. Yeah. And he was just like, it's just some guy. And you never talked to him. No. He literally was just like trying to get you guys to bust them up. I don't understand, like, I don't get that. This pain pig? This pain pig.

Which is, which was also funny because like, if he's like, like, five, eight, five, nine, maybe, I don't know how tall men are. Everyone over me could be six foot tall, but I know he's not as tall as you. He's not, if he is not as tall as me, but like six foot. But legs like Sequoians. Yeah. He literally like big oaks. And I was just like, and this man was taller than him shorter than you.

Yeah, that's it. So, but not as wide as either of you, because he's like, this thing will happen a lot where shorter dudes who know how to fight will say like, they'll want to like prove themselves of like, I don't need to be as big as you. I could take you down. That's crazy. Yeah, but what they don't know is that I spent like most of my childhood and high school years playing football where my entire thing and doing wrestling. So my entire thing is knowing how to not go to the ground. Like I have a wide stance. I know what to do when you go from my legs.

And also again, you grab somebody by here, you'll pull them into the punches. I have like my fist is the size of a beer can. No, it's bigger. It's bigger than a beer can. I don't like that. It's bigger. Yeah.

And it weighs like a cinder block. Yeah. So you like you like jokingly like punch me in the arm one time and I was like that hurt like you were because we were like joking Around and you did like a you like a like a buddy hot and I was like I can tell you put So this Elon and and Zuck fight musk versus duck mus. Musk and Zuck, yeah. I'm thinking that Zuckerberg is gonna win purely because I've seen Elon shirtless. Oh, he's got that weird chest.

He's like a barrel chest. We were talking about this the other day. Elon got a chest built like there's a man hiding inside of him. He's got the chest like he's like, you know, diva in Overwatch. Yeah. He's got he's got he's got a real crang scenario. Yeah.

It's a brain living in the middle of him. It's fucked up. Yeah, it is every picture of Elon's show-t miss looks like it was made with AI. Yeah. Was it like early AI? You're like, uh, something's off there. Something's weird. Also, all I know about the physicality of Zuckerberg is that he's kicked up and he knows

how to do that weird surfing thing and that requires a lot of core strength. So I feel like he could maybe kick hard and good. Also, I want, we cannot also just count. It's a kin to the Australian whileness. It's the lifeless black shark eyes that Zuck has. You're just like, he doesn't care. He wouldn't murder you in the ring. Like he wasn't raised as rich.

Like he was raised like kind of like normal people, like normal people rich. He wasn't raised like, Emerald Mine, Emerald Mine, Blood Emerald, like in Slavement Rich. Like he wasn't like, like that. So like he's kind of, he's got a little bit of more street smarts, I would say.

Yeah. I just think that out of the two of them, Zuckerberg is probably more fit, has been shown to do more stuff. Yeah, we've seen them like active. Yeah, we've seen him doing stuff. And also, again, to your point of like, both of your points of like dead behind the eyes, tell me that Zuckerberg wouldn't start to fight out by going, uh, you're like, Huey Lewis and the news.

Right. Why is there plastic sheet in all of that? If I interrupt doing the fucking American psycho bullshit. Well, I, you know, I think about like how each of these people would train, you know, Zuckerberg is going to go to like martial arts masters. He's going to go to like meditation retreats. He's going to like eat clean, like do all the right fighting moves. And Elon Musk is going to go to Joe Rogan to teach him how to or or if I can Alex Jones

to teach him how to look like a tomato. Oh, it's a how many H.E.H. is to put in the right way. Exactly, exactly. To be like a maximize head mass. Yeah, exactly. All right, we need to get you looking like a thumb. That's really, that's really our training platform here. We're going to pump you through a lot of, I have to tropics and stuff. Yeah.

After, so this is a, this is a news article from four hours ago. After Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg agreed to throw down an accaged batch at some point in the future. Elon Musk's mother has called off the fight and confirmed the decision multiple times on Twitter quote. And now the fight has been canceled. That's a push boy move. That is the most bitch made shit I've ever heard in my life. Push boy move.

My God. Oh, he got his mommy to do that. 1000%. There's. I've got a note from my mommy saying, I can't find it. I have to go home right now. He's just standing, standing outside Twitter headquarters,

turning his feet in the dirt. He was like turning a foot in the dirt. Like, huh. Mommy said, and he gave him one of these. Yeah. White big grumps. He got a fucking coolator ring around his mouth. Just sticky hands from now. Yeah, white big grumps. We got a fucking rink, Kool-Aid ring around his mouth.

Just sticky hands from now. Disgusting. What a week for billionaires. I fucking, I hope that, I hope this fight happens. I hope he doesn't hide behind his little fucking mommy. I don't want it to happen. Why not? Because right now the narrative is,

Musk is a little bitch boy whose mommy said he couldn't fight. And if there's like a timeline where he actually beats up Mark Zuckerberg, the most, I will, the world would be too insufferable. That is a shift in timeline that I cannot take. I want you to think of every overworked, crunch timed employee at both Twitter and Facebook. And I want you to think of how great it's gonna feel

to watch them get their CEOs just absolutely fucking rock. That's true, but also you have to think about the possibility that again, if Musk wins, much like in the Covertire television show, he will be putting that on billboards to sell cars. Oh, he's like,'s a Valley champion year 2023. Like it's gonna be an ever, it's gonna be insufferable. I can't live, I can't live in that timeline.

I think it's gonna be no matter what happens, whoever wins is just going to be met with booze. Like no one is going to achieve it. Except for the Elon. It's a real alien versus predator whoever wins we lose, that's it. Yeah. Like I guess like, if, if, if, if, for the Elon. It's a it's a real alien versus predator whoever wins. We lose. Like I guess like if if if if Zuck wins. I don't think we'll ever hear about it.

I mean, you know, you know, you have to open Facebook to hear about it. God, he was done that. Yeah, we never hear about it. Also, I think that the, uh, uh, the meta, the meta quest game that would come based off of it would be super sick and fun to play. Oh, yeah, absolutely rock thing. And yeah, and VR just eat that. Oh, actually, I would say that. I would, I would actually 100% watch the fight if they found a way to like put cameras on them so I could be their VR style. You want like a haptic feedback?

Yeah, yeah. I want to be able to watch one of them as they get absolutely just murdered. You want to be a to watch one of them as they get absolutely just murdered. You want a POV? Yeah. I want a POV of an absolute clock cleaning. I want someone to get that sweet chin music. Yeah. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm being clear enough. I want somebody to die in the rain.

I want whichever Rocky movie has the Russian who's like if he dies, he dies. Yeah. No Rocky IV where if I can, drug go kill the Apollo Creed in the ring. Oh, I want somebody to fucking die. I want, I want you on the floor. You don't love on the mat. That's true. I want you on to fight Bezos and kill him so that Zuckerberg has to train up to a bend. Well, no, Bezos with absolutely.

Have you ever seen Jeff Bezos? That guy is also, he's, he's, he's juiced up. He's killing it by the way. He's juiced to the guilt. I hate to say it because I fucking hate his guts, but like Bezos is constantly just like, all the pictures that come out of him are like, look at Bezos living his best life at this awesome place

with this smoke and hot lady. Yeah. And then, and then you catch, and then like, occasionally you catch a like picture of his back and it looks like a cheesecloth sack full of snakes. They're like, oh my God. Wait, what's wrong with his back? Just because those like old yoke guys have that like, like thin skin, but when they get

it, yeah, exactly. It's like, yeah. So I get it, it's like getting Dave Batista head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, oh the fucking Lord humongous. We go in. We get the gu Batista head. Yeah. You're like, you're like, oh, fucking Lord, you're mongous. We go in.

We get the guzzaline. Yeah. Yeah. Every buff guy over 40 looks like somebody was making Focaccia out of their back. Yeah. Disgusting. It's been a crazy fucking day, a week, I guess,

for rich people. You brought me this other story. Oh, yeah. This was like completely, I didn't know we're going to do it because again, I cannot show this enough. I don't have access to Twitter. So I didn't know about you like you offhandedly mentioned like you know about the fight and I was like what are you talking about and you gave me like a rundown and it was like that's crazy. I found something weird there. Yeah, to be clear, when I said do you hear about the fight

you reacted like I meant between somebody at rootsoster's. Yeah, I was worried. We were gonna fucking go bodies in the parking lot. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Yeah. Okay, so Andrew, Andrew, you're back on the app, trying to raise up some keys. Yeah, yeah. Arizona woman sends man 159,000 texts,

breaks into his home after a single date. Yeah, I'm setting my hinge profile to Arizona right now. Yeah, I might be able to find it well. I will tell you this is a story out of America, but counting because of course of this. But basically, she's been stuck. She stuck this dude after one single date, 159,000 text messages. In March, that she was found to be mentally and competent

to like stand trial. And no, no, a word. Which she fought, she said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want the jury to hear my case because I think that they will hear my case and then order that due to marry me once they hear my side. What?

This is the greatest story that has ever come across the transfer. This is the best. They're gonna say, you're not guilty. And on top of it, we like demand that you to get married. She told the Arizona Republic in a new jailhouse review. That's like fucking quote.

That's a quote from her. This is amazing. This is, I love that this woman's mind. She is living in a like 80s, 90s sitcom premise where it's like, I order you to go back to school, clon, clon, clon, clon, like I order you to be this man's butler, clon, clon, clon, clon, where that's a no jury and the no, never, no, in no world is that a thing.

So, I saw this and I immediately assumed that this was just some more 2023 nonsense. Sure. This happened in May of 2018. What? And excuse them all. This was pre-panny, this was 2018 when we were still living relatively normal lives. Would you like to hear some of the weird, okay,

so have you read this on Cannibal by Kesha? Probably, yeah. Okay, so I was like reading these text messages and I was like, this is just lyrics from Cannibal, oh Jesus Christ. So she said, she said I reading these text messages and I was like, this is just lyrics from Cannibal. Oh, Jesus Christ. So she said, she said I'm threatening text messages, including one that read, I'd make sushi out of your kidneys and chopsticks

out of your hand bones. Mary this man, gone clunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, use your finger to stir my teeth and for dessert, I'll suck your teeth, as Kesha said. Maybe she's just a big head. Maybe she's just a big K head. Maybe she's just in a K hole. Just made money.

But yeah, she harassed them for like 10 months and I'm getting to the part where this is about billionaires. They met on an app called Luxie which calls itself the best luxury millionaire matchmaker dating app. And you can only get on it if you make $200,000 a year or more, or if you're voted in by members of the app community, if they think you're hot enough to be it, even though you're a poor. And I don't know which one she is, but I'm guessing,

I'm guessing Rich, because... I'll show you a picture and you can... Oh my God. Oh my God, she looks like fucking Rachel Dolezal. Oh my God! She looks like a fully like a Rachel Dolos all wanted to start white passing again. If Rachel Dolos all needed to get alone,

Rachel Dolos all takes the takes the weave out. Like this is what she fucking looks like. Um, Oh my god. I'm looking. I'm okay. So Rachel Dolos all wanted to sell her house for actual market value. Okay. I'm looking. I'm looking at this picture. It's 2018. She's got gold iPhone case, huge dangling gold earrings.

And what I'm gonna say is she's like a pauver who they said was like hot enough to get on because I'm looking at this closet door and it's like the one window with the slats in it. And I just don't think a rich person would have that. And it also looks like she has a poorly mounted TV on the wall, which again, I feel like rich people's TVs all come up on the ground.

Oh, yeah. Oh, very good, very good wealth forensics. You're doing it on this side. Yes, yes, yes. She might be like middle class fancy, you know what I mean? So this is going backwards a little bit in the story, but I wanted to do the math because you said it was 159,000 text messages over the course of 10 months.

And it's the math. If you break that down, it is an average of 530 text messages a day. That's a full time job. So the first day, I get 500 text messages from basically a relative stranger. I go to the courthouse and get a restraining order. Like I change my number, I like,

I start making moves the day I get 500 texts. Like that doesn't go on for 10 months, I'm sorry. She got arrested because the dude was out one of the country, so he's the rich one, I guess. He went out of the country and he's got like security like cameras and stuff. And he saw her taking a bath in his house. So he was like, hey, she broke in. She broke in. She's in my bathtub. And when the police get there, she's like, what? Basically, she's

like, what? I, I, and again, this is the weirdest part. Because it's something she said, I guess, she's like, I guess I made up a scenario where I live here. So I just came here and pretended that was happening. And throw away the cheese. She said that full. She says that full, no irony. And I just,

Rubber room. I just feel like it's one of those things where people are like, people are rich because they're better than you. Yeah. Maybe not the case. No, it's almost never. Maybe sometimes people just stumble into are rich because they're better than you. Yeah. Maybe not the case. No, it's almost never case. Maybe sometimes people just stumble into being rich.

Yeah, almost almost all the time. Maybe it's not a class or care, or maybe it's not a character issue. Yeah, maybe it's not a meritocracy. More like. No, no, no, no. Maybe, oh god. That's one of the most unhinged things I've ever heard.

That's so, do you think you've sent a hundred and fifty nine thousand texts in your life? Not in my life. No, I don't think so. No, I'm again, again. I'm trying to do the math and I'm thinking like 100 something a day Five hundred and thirty ten months. Text a day. You sleep for how often do we because I was gonna say you sleep for eight hours But this is for four you sleep for four hours. Yeah It looks like she sleeps for three hours a day. Three hours a night

And I'm looking at the time stamps. First of all, terrible grammar. Not like, horrendous grammar. And it's like, I see 858, 858, 858, 858, 858, 859. So she's like five to six messages a minute. She just like, just set it on burst fire. Like she's just like going, blah, blah, blah, just like putting like, oh, she's a multi-texture too.

No, like, no, like paragraphs like, oh. You'd be watching me in a taxidermy suit. What the fuck does that even mean? I don't know where it's skin. I figured it out. It's basically like 22 text messages every hour. It's, if you're awake for 21 hours, if we're assuming chili sleeps throughout

the day. Okay, so in what this woman is either on a she's a CEO. Of course, this, no, of course she is a small business tyrant probably. So this woman is either on a cocktail of pills that looks like a fucking candy store or should be or should be like I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He's a CEO. I missed right back. He's a CEO. Okay. A company that sells skincare and spa products.

She sells tummy tea. On Instagram. No, she sells. She sells essential oils and thinks they're the same. She's an uphill limb for sure. So who in MLM should? Holy shit. She's so sexy. All right, all right. Oh, queen MLM shit. Holy shit, you're sentsy. All right, all right.

All right, new, new pitch. Okay. Her versus Mark Zuckerberg in the fucking cage, man. Yes. Baby, let's go. I want to see her fucking Mark Zuckerberg's bow. She would win, absolutely. She would win.

Yeah, because she do a fucking like fatality and suck his soul out like we can't or like sheng sung. She does not look like her pictures very much at all. Although to be fair, that's like that's like in prison. Yeah, it's in prison. It's been like five years in prison. No, there's no glossy. I mean, prison. There's no glow. What? Yeah, no face tuning in prison. They won't let me face tune my my munch shot. I think you look like a fucking cartoon here. Oh my God. Does it make you how does it make you feel about like being on the app? Yeah, you're in the apps.

You're amazing. It's fucking blood and the water, man. You know the good air. I'm not a billionaire, but it's crazy out there. Well, you are a millionaire though. Yeah, that is true. No one talks about that enough about how rich Andrew Rose is. I'm just yeah, I can't I can't get rid of my money fast Yeah, too much of it. Yeah, and in case you don't believe me

I mean you can just look up at his look up his house at 437 32nd Avenue Austin, Texas 74730 Definitely a zip code in Austin. Yeah, it's very close to zip club in Texas for sure. Yeah. We just doxed someone. We just doxed someone. Someone person. Yeah, so have fun with that.

But no, yeah, it's wild out there. It's bad in these. Well, that's a thing is like I feel like you set yourself up for the craziest stuff when you go on like specific apps for the rich. That seems like you either meet like truly probably some of the most boring people on earth. It's so as wide shut. Yeah. I'll leave all the way.

Yeah, exactly. It's like you have to put in Fidelio when you. Have you guys gone on a gone on or heard of what is it? Raya. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. I have friends on there. Yeah, someone sent an invite. I've seen my friends on there. Somebody said you hold on. Shut the fuck up. No, somebody's I'm asking someone send me an invite to ride. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying you got because it's like it's for famous people. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I don't think we count.

No, absolutely not. Now, if you were on any season of the bachelor and didn't win You could absolutely get on there and date a hadeed. Yeah You're something of a reality TV the thing about reality TV is like dudes will go on reality TV and then like date a Hadeed or like a An actress and then the women will go on reality TV and then get Molineed online for the rest of their lives and I think that's unfair Yeah, I don't I've never seen a woman like pivot that into like a successful like like dating up scenario.

Like you literally could just be like, you could have been literally three episodes of the bachelor and like said one funny thing. And then the next thing you know, you're just like, yeah, so they let me on Raya. And now I'm like a prince or something. I don't know. Like I use, I risk wrist up a duchess.

Which is again, comes back to the fact that like, be a silly goose. Be funny. Be fun. Be interesting. Have a personality. I think every episode we're just preaching the gospel of silly goose.

Silly geese. Silly geese. All right, well, before we move on, of course, I gotta know, musk v. zuck. Who do you got to win, Andrew? I I gotta know. Musk V. Zach. Who do you got to win, Andrew? I got a hundred bucks on the zuck.

Really? Yeah. And you're saying just because of Pure, you know his heart's in it. I know his heart's in it. I know like he would rather die than lose. Oh, that's in his mind. Oh, I'm just saying. Yeah, bucks on zuck.

Yeah, he's practicing in the metaverse. I've never played the boxing game on the Oculus? Very convincing. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that it is the official opinion of Rooster Team LLC. And I would go so far as to say, Warner Discovery and all of their subsidiaries and every subsidiary. Every single one of them that we wholeheartedly support Mark Zuckerberg in all of his endeavors.

All of them. And you might have just heard a long beep. And in that case, we said something very wholesome and lovely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck off. Every episode I'm trying to lose my job. We've got a great show for you folks tonight. I'm so glad for you to be here. And we are going to cut to our first segment of the night.

It is a little game that we like to call. It's a choice. Hi, welcome to It's a Choice. It's a game show about trivia. And it used to be cropped differently. Anyway, I'm your host. And here are my contestants. We've got Andrew, host

of the RT podcast, Armando, also host of the RT podcast, and Chris, former guest of the old RT podcast. Thank you very much. Oh, yeah, man. Chris, what do you do these days? Well, I'm currently on a game show. No. So I'm looking forward to winning. Awesome. I love to hear that. Now, the rules are pretty simple. I've got this presentation for you. It's going to have some questions on there. And if you have an answer, just buzz in. Yep.

Yes. No. What? Negative one. Huh? Negative one. OK. Is this like golf?

We're trying to get the lowest score, and he's way ahead of us now. Good question. No. You guys ready for the first question? Yes, yes. All right, I don't. Yes.

Negative one. Now, what is the capital of New York? New York. I bust Buffalo. Syracuse. You're all incorrect. It's Albany. What?

I knew it was Albany, but once you said Buffalo, I went, I got to get it on this. It's okay, no, it's fine. A lot of kids were left behind. And Sacramento. No, a lot of kids were left behind and that's actually what this quiz is about. We're trying to show how the American education system has failed. Has failed, has failed us.

Oh, yeah, oh, man. Oh, sick, sick, sick, tight, tight, tight, tight. Next question. What's the unhappy state? Speaking from personal experience here, I gotta say Texas. Depression. Florida.

I'm gonna give Chris one style point, but you're all incorrect. The correct answer is actually West Virginia. Oh, that makes sense. No, wait, that adds up. Sorry, one second. I thought it's America's chemical dumping ground. Oh, basically, yeah. I figured it out. It's because Virginia's for lovers, but West Virginia is for fucking haters. Yeah, West Virginia is considered the unhappiest in the nation, mostly due to the emotional and physical well-being of

residents and the work environment. They're all being terrible. All right, we're up to, look, we're going good. Mando's got negative one points. What? Chris has two points and Andrew's coasting by with one. Oh, I got one. I thought I had zero. This is pretty good. That's going better than I thought. Yeah, I give you a point. I don't remember why, but you got one.

Next question. In the initials of the federal agency known as NASA, what does the first A stand for? Air. Aeronaut? On the air. Air. Aeronautics. Aerospace. One of you is correct. And it's me.

It's air. And you got it. No. It's aeronautics. No. The first distance for air. It's air. For bonus points, what does the full acronym say for?

The National Aeronautics and Space Association. That'd be administration. Thank you. Two-point-s'-anger. Do I get a... No. Okay. You set the wrong answer. Absolutely not.

I love a government in Green Age of C-Known as an association. How they're loosely, I mean, kind of know each other. It's fine. Do you get a what? Do you get a guess? Is that what you're going to say? Just an extra point. Just want to get me one of the slides. As we all know, America is the best country in the world.

Of course. So obviously, we got a rank pretty high up on an infrastructure out of 141 countries. Where is America ranked? And I'm going to close this answer, you get it. 18. 37. 50th.

Mando's on the board at zero points. Oh! Mando's out of the phantom zone. Yes, we'll have him at zero points. Armando and America both rank number one in confidence. No, okay, well, yeah'm sorry. You're not going to win. Armando and America both rank number one in confidence. No, okay, well, yeah, actually. So when it comes to infrastructure, America's ranked 38th out of 141.

You're forgetting the fact that we need to build a football stadium in every city. And you're also forgetting that we need to build a college football stadium in every city. Oh hell yeah. And not pay those kids next time. Woo! This is a fun game, right?

Oh yeah, I'm learning a lot too. How many countries are in Africa? Oh, hell yeah. And not pay those kids next time. Woo! This is a fun game, right? Oh, yeah. I'm learning a lot, too. How many countries are in Africa? Bleh! No, go for it. Oh, after you. No, after you. Mom, you buzz in the first, right?

I don't think that's true. How many? I'll go. I didn't land on the buzzer. The buzzer landed on me. It's 55. How many countries are in Africa? It's way more than that, but I'm saying 55.

Incorrect. It's continent. 18? I don't 55. Incorrect, it's continent. 18? I don't know. Stupidest answer. I'm just doing 18, I don't know. Andrew? I was actually going to say 18.

Hey, but I'm going to go 24. 55. Mondo's closest. You did go over though. It's 54. Wow. No point. Oh, fuck.

You went over. Well, it's because I consider Africa itself to be one big country. For no point. Oh, fuck. You went over. Well, it's because I consider Africa itself to be one big country. And that's. If you need subtracted one. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, it's the same.

It's the 54 countries in Africa and then Africa itself. No points. No points. What do you mean no points? No points. I'm the host. This feels rigged. I feel like out of everyone here, I should have the close to say on what Africa is up to.

Yeah. Honestly, hey, the system being rigged is just the American way. So, uh, much like in America, the rules still matter. The points are made up, and since I'm at the top of the food chain, I get to decide who wins. How many states have an age of consent lower than eight? All right, we shouldn't have rang it that fast.

I'm not a libertarian, so I don't know. I'm gonna give Andrew one style point. Too many. Yeah. I'm gonna give Chris one style point. Yeah. Not enough. No.

Officer! I'm just distracting another point from Monday. Yeah, not enough. No. Officer, officer. No, no, no. I'm distracting another point from Monday. No! Do you guys have any other guesses? I was going to go 12, 20. I said 12, 7.

So point to Chris, he is the closest. What? 33 states. What? 33 states. What? Oh my god. 39 states out of the 50 states in the union have an Asian consent lower than 18. Only 11 states have an Asian consent of 18.

In fact, the majority of the states, the Asian consent is 16. And all three in those 33 states. No. And the six, not included in that, the age of consent is 17. No. This is the most upsetting game show I've ever played. That's the point. That's the point.

Same. That is insane. Counterpoint, how's it feel, Andrew? Not great. How's it feel to be on the side of it, Andrew? No, I do not like this one bit. You're feeling patriotic? What's the age of consent, Texas?

17. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I of consent, Texas? 17. Eight. I only know the right way to quick with the effort. It is. No, no, no, no. To his point, he grew up, he was born. I've been, I know the age of consent in Georgia, it's 16 unfortunately. I was born here, too. I don't know the answer to that question,

because I'm not, I'm, oh, Jesus. We get that. He's stricken from the record. Can we get it? Can we get a playback where you can see, I didn't finish the question as he was saying 17. It is 17, actually. It is 17.

Here's the problem. Here's the double edged sword. Damn, if you do, damn, if you don't, element of this. It's like, you should know the answer, but you also should know the answer. You should know the answer. I do have a suggestion.

I think the age of consent should change for each person. It's like a five-year-old. I think the age of consent should change for each person. It's like a five-year-old. I think the age of consent is like, you go and you ask somebody and they're like 23 years old and you're like, if you have a girlfriend, are you going to make them watch good fellows? And they go, yes. And then your age of consent is 35 years old.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. They get to change it. It's on your personality. Age of consent should be that thing that's half your age plus whatever. It should just go with you as you age. Yes, exactly. That's on your personality. Age of Conson should be that thing that's like half your age plus whatever. It should just go with you as you age. Yeah, it's exactly.

That's what I'm saying. It's on age of respectability. Discosting. What a filthy nation. So we're going to move on to our next segment of questions. OK. Called. We're number one.

We're number one. We're number one. Point to Mondo for jumping in. I also jumped in and I formed a question, too. These questions are all about rankings, right? OK. First question. Penicise.

Where? Andrews. Oh. Oh. Oh. Wait. Andrews, Chris is our Mondos. Wait.

And from biggest to smallest yet. 90 countries were surveyed or measured. The big difference. 90 countries were lined up in Grasewapans. And they determined the average erect penis length. Where do you think America falls? Out of 90. Are we number one? Oh, no.

Absolutely not number one. I think we're probably closer to like 40. We are out of 90. I'm gonna say we're number 13. So you said 30. 30. You said 13. Chris?

I said 9. 9. You think we got big old wings in America? No. What is skewing that data? I just said 9 before you said how many countries? You thought we said inches? No.

I'll tell you a half. Six and a half. Wait, what are we saying again? You had a question on the board that said penis size. He said nine. He said nine. No. Team of researchers has analyzed data from 90 nations

to uncover which country has the largest average erect penis size. Unfortunately, the US didn't really measure up. We landed pretty low at 60th place. Woo! Yeah, so bottom third. Oh man, the US is about to give you a back rub and place some music. Yeah, I think the average penis length was like 5.31 inches or something. Next question.

Where in international rankings do you think America lies on breast size? Don't keep in mind, we were the lower third on PPs. And this is only taken in, Natties, not, uh, I think big, big, big, big, big naturals are in this room. I don't know, actually. America ranks number 10. I'm gonna say America ranks 15th. Oh, it's gonna say that.

You can still say it. I will. We can't curve. 15. You're number one. We're number one. We're number one. We're number one. We're number one. We're number one. We're number one.

We're number one. We're number one. That's the point, Domando, for getting my check. Yeah, Americans have the biggest average cups of... Yes! Which is... We don't have anything else. We don't have healthcare.

We don't have free education. All we have are kids. Yeah. And they're all... And it's a perky see cup. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Compliments to the chef. Oh, damn. Congrats, ladies.

So all the guys just punching above their weight. Yeah, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Next question. Where's America rank worldwide in number of Ikea locations? Um, number one. No. Number one. No. We rank America ranks number three. Yeah, number three. But we do have the world's largest Ikea located

I believe in Burbank, California? I want to give you a style point for knowing that, but I don't know if it's true. It's true. What I will say is we are not number one. Ah! We're number two. Ah!

Yeah. Number one. Shit. We're number two. Okay, so you want to know who number one is? Yes. Fucking these guys. Germany.

Whoa! So yeah, so Germany has 53 Ikeas and America has 50. And I added this image because if we're looking at a per capita, or even just a land ratio, how the fuck you fit in 50, you got 53 Ikeas in this and we only get 50? You can see Germany is smaller than Texas. Texas has the most of any state, which is three. That means in Germany, from every IQ,

you can see another IQ. They're like waffle houses. Yeah, it's mostly IQs. All right, our next and final question. Healthcare costs. Oh, boy. If the object was to depress me, this game is just absolutely crushing it. Well, yeah.

Yeah. I'm not wrong. Per capita. Where do you think we rank? Number one. On most expensive. Oh, I don't know what the question was. Yeah, how much?

Healthcare cost. Number one. Number one. For expensive, I'm going to say we're number... Let me say we're number one. Number one. Yeah. Frippetize.

You're number one. We're number one. We're number one. We're number one. You're number one. You're number one. We're number one. We're number one. You're number one. USA. USA. Go on, USA. Go on, USA. Go on, USA.

Yeah, no. It's expensive. We have the most money on health care. The United States spends on average 40% more than every other country on health care. And even though we don't have socialized health care, like whatever, the wait time is worse than most of those countries.

Ooh! Or on par, but it's like, socialized medicine that you have to wait a long time or like no socialized medicine and you die from something easily treatable. I don't wanna live here anymore. And I mean earth, I guess. I just mean, I don't wanna be around anymore.

So the winner is you the viewer is not you're more informed about the country that you may or may not live in America Happy Fourth of July go eat a hot dog, but not too many because you probably can't afford the heart procedure You'd need to assume you too much nitrates and beef Thank you too much nitrates and it. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. If you listen to that segment, you'll know why. Yeah, that's my no one's pay tax. That's one of my favorite things. By the way, is realizing that all of the people who win game shows get absolutely fucked. Yeah. Like, the only rich people that pay taxes is a is a winner.

A lot of rich and lottery winners. Yeah. The only time someone will have that amount of money and be taxed on, that the way they get taxed on it. There's this thing that I didn't realize until recently. And it's that the people who win the lottery are like, their lives are fucked. Yeah.

Like, there's that report, right? I was, I think I was reading some fucking article about like, a lot of them just end up being even more broke than they were before they win the lottery. Well, it's a real monkey's pos situation. That is. Okay, so that's almost, it's almost true. Cause what happens is when people in the lottery, they then become like high profile for a little bit. And it's not like it's up in the stories that we hear are the ones that in bad. So it seems like it's a lot of them

or every single one of them, but it's just like, we just hear the ones that do happen. Like there's like this one guy, he like won the lottery and then like had a heart attack the next day. So it's like, You think he was poisoned? No, I think he was like literally,

or maybe immediately had a heart attack. I don't know, but basically what it is, is like it's like a confirmation bias, because some people just fuck off, and then the ones who don't, like five years down the line, they're like, I spent it all. I bought all things that depreciate in value.

I didn't invest anything. You know what show pisses me off, it makes me a little bit homophobic. Millionaire mansions, or some little lottery dream home. And it's just this guy and he just like gets people who won the lottery and buys them houses that they cannot afford the upkeep on. So it's just this guy and he's just like,

all right, so you guys won what, $2 million. Let's get you a $3 million home. You can pay the rest off. It'll be like having the normal mortgage. I'm just like, you gotta pay for the electricity and the gas and the taxes and the taxes and no one on these shows Ever mentions the taxes and it's just me like sweating and getting angry being like what about the taxes? property taxes and energy bill alone is what make you eat and cool a fucking That's why you go bankrupt. That's why you lose the house.

If I, if I won that much money, I would just live how I keep living with less stress, probably, because I need about like, I need better food and go more places. That's pretty much it. I wouldn't actually, I would travel more. Yeah, but I would like shit in France. I would eat like shit in France.

Yeah, I would not eat, I would not, I spend more money to eat bad. You know what the real kicker is here? Is I remembered? I actually remembered. I actually remembered what I was trying to think of. It wasn't the lottery members. It was the unfortunate futures of the people who are featured on the show to pimp my ride. Oh, yeah. Cause didn't they have to pay taxes on the cars? They have to pay taxes on like everything that gets that gets done to their cars. Also, a majority of those cars either get stolen or were poorly made or

were so poorly made they start falling apart and they have to be scrapped. There was one car where it was like they did this and this and this, but they didn't seal the seal the car. So it just it's just. It's random old. Yeah, because it rained and flooded the car and it's like, yeah, the car is just like full of old. He's like, I can't get rid of the mold and I basically

just don't have a car and I had to pay for it. This was also done at a time that that show is popular at time when like they would put flat screens in your like dash and in your seats. Yeah, but they were the shittiest screens possible. Like there's better screens on the

back seat of like the driver in a new bear. Are you playing without question? Yeah, that's a better screen than on that like Pimt fucking Toyota Tricer. A Toyota Tricer. A 4 ADP. I'm so hard plastic. You've hit a point that I've always loved about Pimt My Ride,

which is that they're always making these cars better. And it's like a 2002 Toyota. Yeah, yeah. Like just's like a 2002 Toyota. Yeah, yeah. Like just buy me a better car. A car. That's all I want. Also, I remember it was like one episode. I remember where I thought they put like a game cube

in the car. And they just like, well. Which mean, which mean? Can you upgrade that year? Were you like, do they have a switch dock in there now? Or is it just still that game cube hooked up with the red yellow white connector to the back of some city for a DPS green? First of all, the car got stolen a week after the episode aired.

A hundred percent. Yeah. Well, they did make it Nintendo purple. So it was very easy to spot. Secondly, yeah, like don't put a fucking margarita machine in my Honda Civic. Just fucking buy me a new car. Please. That's all I want. I would watch a show week after week If all they did was like go to people's houses and like hey, what's up? Welcome to your life's better now. Here's $500

Yeah, do you have to pay taxes? No, we actually accounted for that and the taxes have been taken out Yeah, for for every single one of the people who was on Pimp My Ride and got their ride Pimp, it's such a time capsule in a specific time and place. Anyway, all those people who got their rides Pimped, if you were to take the cash value of what was put into their car and gave it to them tax-free,

it would be a life-changing amount of money. Oh, absolutely. It does nothing for them tax-free, it would be a life-changing amount of money. Absolutely. It does nothing for them in a car, and like making, so you have like a flat screen in your trunk who gives a shit, does nothing for your life, but that's really into tailgating. Yeah, I don't know.

That amount of money just given to them would be a life-changing amount of money. In the way more, it's a down payment on a house at that time, probably. Especially if you're thinking about that money only appreciated. Like, it's like from that point to the, as opposed to the car, which again, a car is already an asset that's just a third of it gone

when you drive it off the fucking lot. Also, even like to what you were saying, I was like, it wouldn't even, it didn't even have to be like, you'd give him cat, it'd be like, oh, you've a 2015 Honda Civic? Here's a 2023 and we'll buy your Joker. We'll buy your old one.

I swear to God, you could make this show so much easier. If there was a 2015, huh, this is it? Here's a 2023 and we'll buy your, we'll buy your old one. I swear to God, you could make the show so much easier. If there was a show where you went door to door and you went, hey, this month we paid your electric bill. Sure, show it back to the other one. Cheers, cheers, damn it. Cheers people, fucking God. Guys, let's get on the phone.

Say, get, somebody get me, get daddy on the phone. Can we get daddy on the phone? That's getting cut. That is getting cut. That is getting cut. Cutting room floor antics. Cutting for gorg, for goals. So we've done a lot of talking about a show that tries to help people.

What if this show helped you? That's right. It's time for my favorite segment. How to pimp your life. No. This is RT cares. I'm stuck for RT cares. I'm stuck for RT cares.

I'm stuck for RT cares. Hi, and welcome back to RT cares, the segment where we take your questions and turn them into answers. Today, I'm going to do it every time I'm telling you. I love it. Today, we've got a question about flying. Oh. Tweet, tweet. I love it. Today we've got a question about flying. Oh!

Tweet, tweet. I've started traveling a lot for work, which means I've been flying to a different city at least four times a month. I'm not exaggerating when I say that flying on an airplane is one of the worst experiences a human can go through. Correct. How can I make my mandatory flights better

and what could airlines do to improve the experience overall? Well, one of those things we can help you with, one of those things is way out of our power. Like, I don't know that airlines are listening to, is the CEO of United Listening to this podcast? I know, if I was, I've tweeted at about airlines and they do reply. Well, so I want to macro out of this question slightly because I think it deserves addressing.

Okay, flying has always kind of been not the best. It has been nightmarish in the last five years. I don't know what happened, but air travel has gotten fucking torches. And I know I get it, I know it's a miracle, I know it's like all the fucking hack it's like, you know, all that, all the fucking hack jokes. It sucks absolute shit to fly now. I'm not like, I want to, so here's the thing.

I agree with you in part, okay. But I would posit to you that I think flying used to be awesome. I think when flying was first like, and when I say first, I don't mean the fucking right brothers. You mean like commercial flying? Yeah, I don't mean the fucking right brothers. You mean like commercial flying? Yeah, I don't mean the right brothers. Back at Kitty Hawk, those were the good old days of flying. No, I'm not talking about it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no They had to be a specific height. They had to be a specific weight and they had to be aselable.

So, this is a real thing and this is how I found out about it. Donald Trump's older brother was a pilot. Okay. He has a lot of deachiblings. But his older brother, Fred Jr., was actually like a really decent guy as far as I know. All he wanted to do was be a pilot.

He fell in love with a flight attendant. And when they started dating, the company found out that his girlfriend was no longer single and she got fired from the job because she was no longer fuckable basically. You had to be, you had to be, you had to. It's like how in Vegas, they have these rules because it can't say you have to be a you had what? Yeah. It's like, it's like how in Vegas, they have like these rules because they can't say you have to be a hot lady to work here,

but they'll say stuff like you have to wear the uniform and the uniform's like a tank top and booty shorts and roller skates. Yeah, they only have the uniform in certain sizes. So it's just kind of how it's like, it's like bad for business for Twitch streamers and only fans, girls too. Have a boyfriend?

Yeah, exactly. It's like, you never see them put, they totally do. But they never post them out because they've gone business. No, that's the camera guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right, that's the editor. When I start seeing the same dick five times, I don't only fans, I'm getting suspicious.

I'm getting suspicious. I recognize those veins. My point. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. That guy's dick looked like a Snickers bar. I've seen that before. Yeah, yeah. hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that guy's dick look like a snickers bar. I've seen that before. Yeah, yes. So how did it go from search to uncertain?

From the search to uncertain. There's no, I'm not adding up here. What I'm saying is that I think flying used to be awesome. When you had to wear a suit, when you could fucking smoke on the plane, when everyone was available to fuck, I think you're, yeah, that big key party in the sky. Yeah, yeah're yeah, I think it was awesome. They served like real food. They had like real booze and then flying like started to go downhill, hit a real like low point around 2001. Not sure what happened there. Yeah. And then we started getting back up for a while. But it's become this thing where even still when I'm saying going up, it's still

at a low level because flying used to be just like a party event, this thing that you were doing. And it was a miracle. Like we were all fucking blown away by the fact that we could be that far up in the sky. Now flying has become a gray hound bus that goes through the air like a magic. You can't crack a window. You can't crack a window. They move the seats, which is, and they've been moving them more and more by time, which is evidenced by the fact that like, there's a reason the windows don't line up to the seats.

Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're just shifting them back like a, so just a couple of centimeters every year. Yeah, exactly. Like the ocean, which ironically, the planes are helping cause the ocean to rise. Yeah, they're carbon with the out there carbon emissions. But anyway, so I think flying his four shore gotten worse. Yeah, I feel like questionable. I have a few things in the macro and I've talked about these a lot before. And I feel like maybe not on this show, maybe not on any Rupert's show.

But I have two things that would that I think would solve this. One, make planes more spaced out again. I think whenever you buy a ticket, you have to have a good reason to fly. I think they put a hold on the money for the ticket that you buy. Sure. And you give them the reason. So it's like funeral wedding?

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's timely business trip. Sure. That's mid level. I don't know. Uh, because you had a week off and you wanted to go to to Vegas. Fuck you. Drive. Drive. That's a road. They say you go into kidnap an astronaut's girlfriend. Drive. Drive. Yeah. They tell you that's a that's a fucking drivable offense. And they kick you off. Yeah. You no longer have a ticket.

You get your money back. Sure. But I think that the second thing that'll make flights better. And I've been a big proponent of this. Any child under the age of 18, you have to check them like a dog. Can they get under, yeah.

You do a little kid's little AdMose Club below the dead. And they turn the oxygen, they're looking crous. And they turn the oxygen down a little bit, so they go to sleep. Just to get a little sleepy, not dead. Not dead. Not dead.

No, sleepy. We put them in one of the fucking tanks from alien. They don't even know what's happening. No. And I'm serious, like from fucking newborn babies bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a

little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a I don't know how you both of you. I don't know how anyone taller than me can fit in a plane. I don't get it.

Like I get in and I'm like, oh, I gotta like, ooh, that's kind of weird. Oh, my knees are kind of whatever. I can't, I don't understand physically how people not my stature get in a plane. And like a five hour flight. It ain't fun. It ain't great.

Can I tell you what my suggestion is? Yeah, yes. Trains. Oh, the answer is great. Can I tell you what my suggestion is? Yeah, yes. Trains. Only answer is trans. We, if we just had a robust, I feel like I'm always talking about public trips. We had like a robust train system in America. Imagine you get a whole private cart yourself, you stretch your legs out, you can get up and walk. There's like a car that's just food and drinks.

It takes a little bit longer, but it is so much nicer. It is a nice, like the but it is so much nicer. It is a delight. You get the scenery, see the country. Maybe we even get fucking bullet trains. We get bullet trains like those. So fast that you could, it's like, if you're talking about the time you're at, you gotta get there the airport three hours early

to like sitting on the tarmac to take off, to sitting on the plane, to deep plane, to walk in through the terminal to get your freaking bags. It's probably the same amount of time as a train for some of those, you know what I mean? Definitely. I don't wanna fly to Dallas. I don't wanna fly to Dallas.

Not at all. It's a little, it's a sucky drive. It's like a three and a half hour drive. So it's a 45 minute flight, you know what would be best? A one hour train ride. A one hour train ride. Yep. I don't have to be awake for it.

I could sleep on it. Unlike the freaking three hour drive. Did like anyone have to waste my fucking uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh a pan, what a pan, pan in your life. Whatever non-addictive benzodiazepine, they were gonna give you, that's the, oh, I have such flight anxiety. I used to be a great flyer. I don't know what happened. I literally cannot be awake on the flight anymore

or I will just have an anxiety attack and like try to crawl out of my skin. Look, I just wanna go on the record here and say, you ask a doctor for it. What no, I would just wanna go on the record here and say, that we shouldn't advocate for the use of benzo. I do.

I think that that's, it's killed enough people. It truly has. That we shouldn't do it. But I am saying that you should be able to take lean. No. That's worse. That's worse. That was worse.

That was worse. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, all you do and kids, this is for you. You take coity from Methesee? No. Sprite, no. Jolly ranchers. No. And then your little way.

Absolutely not. On a train. No, you can't even fucking do that because you got the 3.4 ounce bottle that you can only bring through. So good luck with that. Also, all I'm saying is if you ask, if you have a doctor prescribed you a little bit of stuff to make you calm as a treat to fly, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying, I just thought of how fucking stupid it would be to pack lean into the little individual.

Shampoo bottle. The chaps. The chaps. You have to have it clear and fucking labels. It's purple and people are like, what is this? And you're like, oh, that's my fucking hair condition I hit sir us are you part of the screw-up click are you? I get noticed on planes sometimes

I'm like so my point is is that you can go wrong with some of the drugs sure Yeah, like I don't get people that take other bulls to fly don't do that.. I could go either way I do that. No, that's like I would just have a Legitly I'll allegedly do that last longer. My point is is yes get yourself a little treat Yeah, get a little treat secondly doctor prescribed treat if you make it better to fly People will fly more and it won't be I wouldn't complain about about it anymore. If you make the planes bigger, if you let less people on them, if you don't let any children on them, flying becomes an incredible experience.

Also, this is for me to you, like as actual advice, just being nicer to people, just being nice to people when you show up and when you're checking on to fly. I can't tell you how many times I've walked up. The other day, I was flying via Southwest or something, and I walked up to the lady and I was like, hey, how's it going?

And made casual, friendly conversation. But wasn't trying to be too shitty or take up too much of a time because I know that there's a line of people behind us. But like I was nice to this person. We had a genuine connection. We actually talked and she goes, do you feel uncomfortable in our chairs? And I go, what? And she goes, there's no wrong answer. Here I want you to be honest with me. Are you uncomfortable in our chairs? And I go, I mean, yeah, I'm a really big guy. she goes, hmm, I got you.

And she did a little bit of typing and then she handed me a thing and she goes, so what you're gonna do is you're gonna board the plane first and they're gonna give you this little sign that says seat reserve do not take and just put it in whatever seat next to you and then you get two free seats. Ooh.

Because Southwest, you choose your own seats. That's true. If you're nice to be, I cannot tell you how many times I've been allowed to do shit in planes you're not supposed to be able to do, just because I was a nice friendly guy. This is one of the best piece of advice,

not just for flying, but for life, but especially for flying because you have to realize that the people, like the people, the gate agents, everyone working at an airport is encountering humanity at its absolute fucking worst. You are encountering people, you are encountering control freaks who are in the least amount of control they've ever felt and are taking it out on people who cannot do anything for. They cannot change the weather. They cannot change flight patterns. They cannot do anything. They can't get the

people, like they can't get the number of stewardesses that you need on the plane to take off the flight. They're flying in from another flight. They can't get the number of stewardesses that you need on the plane to take off. To take off. Yeah. They're flying in from another delayed flight. They can't control that. They can't even get an Asian doctor off the flight in a way that doesn't hurt him. Remember that? No, that American. Yeah. Yeah.

All of these people do, I remember. All of them, but they're both suck. All these people do, the people that work at the airport, is absorb psychic damage. Yeah. They're just taking psychic damage constantly. And so like being nice is so helpful. They will do things like that for you. That's a great advice.

So here's what I'm hearing so far. The macro, make planes better. You're saying take trains, which I fucking agree with. I love trains. There's a train that goes from Chicago to San Francisco to three 3-day trip. I want to do it. Not even so bad. I don't live in either of those cities. I don't want to go to either of those cities really. I would fly to Chicago to take a train. I have to go to San Francisco. I don't take a fucking plane back to Austin.

So yeah, trains, if possible, do it. It's fucking phenomenal. I cannot recommend it enough. My suggestion is to just be nice. And the phrase, here's the thing. The phrase, I'm not mad at you at all. I'm mad at the situation. And I'm completely on your side.

Like I just want to figure out like what I'm supposed to do here. Just be very nice and make it clear that like, oh, I'm not mad at you. I know that you didn't cause weather. Yeah. I know that you didn't like make the other plane late. And all I'm asking is I just wanna,

I just wanna, I'm just asking if you could help me and if not, I get it. Unless, unless I go to the Southwest fucking checkpoint and I see a guy in a hooded robe holding a glow going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I guess you fucking be that my that guy's consulting an orb. That guy is consulting an orb. Fuck.

What's your what's your suggestion? My suggestion I would, you know, wholeheartedly, full-throwedly agree with. That's right. Full with both of your suggestions on the you know, you kind of set on the macro, on the micro, what you can do personally. And this is going to sound like non-advice, but it truly is very helpful.

And it requires some personal strength, is understanding, and I mentioned it earlier, is understanding and ascending to the fact that you are greatly out of control in this situation. And if you can kind of temper your... Expectation? Temper your, not, I mean, temper your expectations,

but sort of temper yourself to know that, like, be very zen about the fact that, like, when you go to the airport, when you're getting on a flight, like, the whole experience is so chaotic and out of your control. And so when you encounter delays, when you encounter council and flights,

when you encounter sitting on in the plane at the, like at the gate for hours before you can take it. Like playing, like this is, this is again a little bit of the toll to again, take a plate in the part in the miracle of flight, but also like it will just take some strengthening of your character to like to get by. And then also download a lot of TV onto an iPad.

Oh my God. Oh my God. A lot of TV on an iPad. You can go to Hulu, download, like actually save the episodes on your iPad so you don't need to free me in. So you don't need a Wi-Fi connection. Max, maybe.

Max, or yeah, or a parent company, download the things onto your thing. Make sure you have a travel backup battery to charge both your, or several, actually. And then also take a backup pair of wired headphones, I know it's our cake, take a backup pair of wired headphones. So because if your earbuds die, God help you.

Yeah, and you don't have a way to charge them. So backup earphones, backup battery, TV on an iPad, and sleep mask hoodie, like sensory deprivation. Concil yourself. Concil yourself. That's it. And if all of us fails, just fucking rush the cockpit. No.

No. And from the bottom of our hearts, we hope this is how this has been RT CARES. Thank you, Griff, so much for bringing this to us. And that would be time for one of my favorite segments. Always on. I don't know about you, but when I read the news, I hit real sad, but the only way to not be sad about it is to make jokes about it. So, hey, welcome to Always On. But we're doing something a little bit different. This is a special version of Always On that we are deciding to call the Circle joke.

Yes. I was calling it the joke off. Oh, yeah, because the two of us are sitting on either side of you joking off. Yeah. Yeah, and trying to see which one of us can make you laugh. Hard. I'm on a laugh. Oh, I'm gonna laugh. Oh, keep going. Don't stop. Just like that.

Clap, use both hands. All right. We're getting the most shameful looks from people ducking in and out of the studio just off camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and we're it's gonna get worse. So why don't you start us off with our first joke. Here we go. Spain has announced a new governmental department to study the effects of extreme heat on human health.

The new agency is using the most accurate heat measuring technology available. Fat Southern lawyers dabbing their forehead with handkerchiefs and signals and sender readers. It is powerful. Oh, my God. Lord have my say, but they're using the fucking Bible. Oh, this flower is wilted.

Last week, an ocean research group known as Shark Lab published a study claiming that sharks and humans can actually share the beaches peacefully. The group was quoted as saying, sharks aren't actually as dangerous as people think. Also, humans should definitely marinate themselves overnight before going for a swim. Are you saying the big shark lobby has hit us? Absolutely. I'm saying that they're called Shark Lab, and I looked it up, and their head scientist is clearly a shark in a row. With little fucking glasses.

Please, big fucking glasses. Big, big fucking glasses. I'm a little like clipboard in his fin. Just like holding a clipboard for a very close. Yes. A little story from down under. An Australian drug syndicate was busted for trying to smuggle millions of dollars worth

of meth from Canada inside maple syrup bottles. The meth was headed for the streets of Australia where it was expected to severely improve their teeth. And then the maple of the meth. Ah, and they're about to do the same amount of damage. Oh my God, that's first of all, absolutely fantastic. Secondly, earlier in the episode, we talked about a Lana who is gonna come kill you.

Yes. It's on site for me, I know. And we know that she does have the punch strike force of the King Ruse. That's right. I'm about to... You better brace that core, Houdini. Ha-ha-ha.

A California restaurant is being investigated after using a fake priest to collect confessions from their employees. Workers became suspicious after the priest suggested they do 12 Hail Mary's and I don't know, maybe pick up a double shift this weekend? Jesus. That's so... Oh, it hurts. I don't...

Okay. When I read that story by the way, it was absolutely blowed away by like, I was like, how would you ever convince your employees to believe the fact that there was a priest there? And then I read the article and it was like, a Northern California Takarija and I was like, Oh, that's how. That makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just with the Catholic and the priest how that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just with the Catholic and the priest, that makes sense. Yeah. Real, real Aussie heavy news cycle this week. Australian businessman Aaron D'Souza is planning an enhanced games, an Olympic style event where there will be no drug testing. So athletes can use steroids and PEDs

to unlock human potential. Some of the games include the table flip, the mood swing, and the 100 meter dash from the cops after assaulting your family. All right. Two things. First of all, I have been calling for this for years. I bring steroids back to baseball. Make it interesting again. Secondly, if you want to see what this looks like, just watch any episode of the WWE. That's maximum human potential. Honestly, I usually don't agree with this one,

but I think the sales has got some good ideas. Hey, that's good TV, baby. I would like to see it. I would also like to see it. Absolutely. I hate the idea of calling it the enhanced. Yeah, I'm let's be clear. No athlete is making it over 50.

No one's living over 50 in the enhanced games. No, I'm catching an early grave. Balls like a set of marbles. A group of protesters set up shop outside Disney World waving Nazi flags and shouting white power. Most of the park's guests were disgusted and outraged. But a few dedicated fans are glad that we're finally getting back to Walt Disney's original vids.

Oh, I think I was bad. He was real bad. Let's go. Fucking producer who grew up in Florida just came out going, yes, fucking job. Get the mouse. Get the mouse. There's a reason why there hasn't been a Jewish Disney princess yet. All right, we don't know why.

He's never been. Okay, which of those six jokes was your favorite joke? Oh god. Ah. OK, I'm going to have to. Here's the thing. Here's the issue. I have terrible memory. In one ear out the other, I'm going to say it, um,

and who's he told a joke? Fat Southern lawyer. Fat Southern lawyer got me off bat immediately. Oh, fat. Oh, that's the one that got me. That was my favorite joke. That's the favorite joke. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, Southern lawyer got me immediately.

Yes. I felt bad. You'll be hearing from my fat Southern lawyer. You're the latest in general of the jury of the defense rest. Thank you for tuning in to our two podcasts. I'm Armando Torres. I'm Andrew Rosas.

And I'm here. And we'll see you to R.T. Podcasts. I'm Armando Torres. I'm Andrew Rosas. I'm here. And we'll see you next week. Wow. Describe the show to a newcomer and a more familiar way. Do you like apples? All right, example. Together in Trempit hosts. Characombs.

Characombs are free of Dia's. I've nothing to do with this podcast. Analyze various unsolved and rooster-teeths cryptic podcast. F******* face. Call to action. Feel free to add something show premise specific, but short. Listen to show name on Apple Spotify or wherever you get podcasts.

It's f*** face, a podcast. Subscribe or no. You do yes? or no. You do yes?